#I'm so happy to see baek again

[sneezingbabysloth]

(WIP)

Thanks to “Cream Soda” I’m once again obsessed with baekhyun exo

[jjd5426]

Goodbye, Home.

"Have a Nice Year" - Baek Eunyung

It's official, No Home is over. Whatever word I use to describe how this Manhwa has impacted me would be a complete understatement.

This comic has helped me through so many mental health issues. Its helped me accept myself and my situation better. Seeing Haejoon slowly help Eunyung over the course of 4 long hard years made me look forward to seeing a new week. Seeing Eunyung reassure Haejoon after he was having visions of his mom, seeing Haejoon defend Eunyung from the store clerk, seeing Juwan bravely knock on Eunyung's door while trembling, seeing Marie stand up to both her brother and father, seeing Hara relentlessly follow her passion, seeing Minju insert herself into the group. Every single scene has meant the entire world to me.

Seeing situations I've personally been through reflected through such a fun cast of characters made me optimistic for my future. Suddenly, I dont feel so alone. Suddenly my goals don't seem so outlandish. Suddenly those apartments in Seoul look really nice right now.

I'm still going to be facing hurdles in life but this time Haejoon wont be there to cheer me up Monday nights. I'll definitely revisit this comic over and over again. Until every image is burned into my retina, I will miss no home endlessly.

The impact of feeling seen is a great one and I hope everyone who is feeling sad realizes that we're lucky to have experienced this comic which a group of like-minded individuals. I will miss you all as well.

Happy healing everyone! I hope you can look at spring and think of Haejoon and Eunyung :) !

[cozymoko]

You wanted requests, right? So what if it was the other way around? Yandere Siyun Baek having to take care of his girlfriend that got sick?

(I hope this requests isn't too boring, love your blog btw ❤❤)

SIYUN BAEK WITH A SICK S/O

Manhwa: “Dreaming Freedom” ~~~~!

Note: Its perfect! Thank you for requesting! Also thank you for reading, you made my day. ♡

Pairing: Siyun Baek x female! reader

Format: Headcanons; 2nd person

WARNING(S): Yandere themes, obsession, mild spoilers

Word Count: ???

It's ALLERGY and/or FLU SEASON, and unfortunately, you've fallen very ill. Best case scenario you'll have a cold and nothing more; a high fever at the worst. But either way, Siyun isn't complaining.

You can't go anywhere? Great! You feel like absolute shit and can barely move from your bed? Oh my, even better! Besides working out, Siyun doesn't have much to pass his time with. He's lonely without you, often finding himself watching the clock, counting the minutes — seconds before you return to him.

But seeing you tucked tightly beneath the pastel duvet, wrapped in a small cocoon. Your cheeks lightly flushed a rather feverish hue, as ragged breaths slipped past your dry lips. Call him crazy but you're absolutely adorable. He could hardly keep his hands to himself!

“Y'know, you look really cute like this {Name}.”

You huffed, “You almost look happy that I'm in this situation.” With a light shove, you pushed his face away from your own for what felt like the thousandth time. Finally ditching the thick sheets, you turn away from him, welcoming the chilled puffs of air to your warm skin.

“Would you be mad if I said I was?” Siyun asked, snaking his arms around your waist, pressing his cheek into the tender skin of your own. “God, you're adorable...”

“Yes. Now, let go; I'm burning up.”

Siyun is CLINGY as it is. Therefore, you being bedridden to some degree is right up his alley. Personal space has never been a thing in your relationship, and he's not going to let a little flu stop him. Embracing you, suffocating you with his body; it's all too easy! Pressing sweet, chaste kisses along the warm skin of your neck. Sneakily, dragging his slender fingers beneath the flimsy silk of your pajamas.

In all honesty, he'd rather have you stay at his house until you feel well again. It works pretty well, convenience-wise. It stops him from wrenching your door open, occupying your home with the crying of loud unwavering hinges. Or perhaps even sneaking through your window.

You being so vulnerable excites him in more ways than he'd care to admit. He truly is a pervert. Chewing on his pink lips, even digging his nails into his milky skin, no longer seems to be enough. Though his desires are anything but malicious, Siyun can't help the wandering of his young mind to many, many impure places.

Your parents already adore him, let's be honest! Thus, convincing them to let you stay the night or week should be a piece of cake. It's almost scary, the way he speaks to your parents; so polite and dare I say perfect. It's truly no surprise that he was a former idol, a famous one at that. How could your adoring mother and father not allow such a kind man to nurture and care for your well-being?

Siyun brings your head to his chest, relishing in the heat you radiate. His hands had fallen past your waist, toying with the thin band of your thin shorts. You give his chest a weak push, as a pitiful attempt to distance yourself. But it was no use, he merely pulled you closer, much to your dismay.

“Siyun...” You breathed out, weakly clawing at his slender hands. “Stop this, you're going to get sick.”

He hummed, “Is that so?” Though his hands showed no sign of leaving your waist. Instead, they tugged you flush against his chest with a low chuckle. Warm breath tickled the back of your neck, making you tense in anticipation.

“Then I guess we're just gonna have to be sick together~!” ♡

Let's say you're a STUDENT; high school or college, it's your choice. And due to your abrupt sickness, you're bound to miss at least a handful of classes. But fret not my dear, your classmates are itching to help you out. I mean, you're dating the Siyun Baek after all, just a glance at him could send anything girl into a frenzy!

Thankfully, your teacher settled for your seatmate. A kind, extroverted guy who you got along with quite well. He had managed to get your number due to a recent project and was quick to alert you of his unexpected arrival.

[CHOI BYUNG-CHUL]

➤ Heya [Last Name], the teacher asked me to bring sum missin assignments to ur place. Is that okey with u?

SENT; 17:23

You snort at the scrambled characters, finding some charm amongst the male's easy mistakes. It wasn't something unusual as he was an infamous clutz in your class. So he was likely texting while typing, again. Your fingers hover over the luminous keyboard, before eventually sending him a simple response.

[YOU] ➤ Yeah, it's fine lol. But I'm not home so come to this address “XX XXXX Avenue/Drive/Street” SENT; 17:25

➤ Have a safe trip. :)

SENT; 17:25

While immersed in your phone, you had yet to notice a certain someone looming over you in displeasure. From lack of attention, perhaps. But you had never been one to allow technology to soak up your time, nonetheless when you're ill. So who could possibly be taking up your time? He pondered, glaring hard at the device resting on your hand.

Pulling back the covers, Siyun moved to join you beneath the spotless sheets of the mattress. The dipping of the bed didn't bother you, let alone pull you from the flashing screen of your phone. The ex-idol sighed loudly, shifting to take the pesky item from your protective grip. Only to be brushed off by a bored, dismissive hand.

He. Was. Livid.

“Babe~!” Siyun cooed, though his tone lacked even an ounce of playfulness. “What on your phone could possibly be so damn interestin—” DING DONG!

Whew! Saved by the bell.

“I'll get it.” He murmured under his breath, tossing the thick duvet to the side. The man was quick to leave in long, haste strides, but not before his eyes flicked to your stunned form one last time.

Now, Siyun had expected a lot of things, but this surely wasn't one of them. A shorter male, about five feet seven inches, no older than nineteen was at his door. His mousy brown hair was a mess, and he had a lightly tinted folder tucked tightly beneath his arm.

“H-hi, I'm one of [Last Name]'s classmates and I brought some papers to her.” Byung-Chul commenced, frantically unzipping the top of his backpack. “She — uhm, texted me this address.”

Oh, now it all made sense. The persistent flashing of your phone, snatching your attention right from his grasp. The lighthearted giggles that'd leave your mouth ever so often. Friendly, that they were. Giggles that held no sense of love; merely admiration and glee. Even so, it wasn't good enough.

One could say the latter is quite bitter. And if If looks could kill, your friend would be six — no, ten feet under! And that's being generous. But Siyun knows better than to let his bad side show. Heh, who am I kidding?

A faux smile tugged at the corner of his lips, one he was all too familiar with using. “Ah, I see. Thanks for coming...?”

“Choi Byung-Chul!” He chirped, handing the papers to the former idols' outstretched hand.

“Heh, right,” Siyun scoffs, disinterested. He lazily takes the folder from the male, leaning in a bit too close for comfort. “Since you're already here, I have a little favor for you. If you're up for it.”

“I...um — yeah, sure,” Byung-Chul stammered, looking over the time blaring from the smartwatch adorning his wrist. “I can spare a few minutes. What's up—?”

A sharp pain shot through the poor man's abdomen in mere seconds, sending him crumbling to his knees. Siyun loosely shook his wrist in the air, allowing the gentle breeze to cool the slight stinting of his knuckles. A cold, lifeless expression grazed the face of the once-beloved idol as he watched the man wither beneath his gaze.

“Stay away from [Name]. I wouldn't want anyth ing bad to happen to you~!”

[duskyvenus]

0101: Got better things to do with my time!

This reading tells you messages from your spirit guides and their guidance for you in the new year.

Four piles left to right. Close your eyes and think about your vision for this year and then open your eyes and choose the pile that attracts you the most.

I am not a professional. This reading is just meant for entertainment. Take what resonates. Happy New Year :))

Pile 1

Guidance: Tarot: 2oS, 10oC, 3oW rev, 4oC, 7oC rev, 6oW rev It seems that this year you will be presented with many choices in life. It can be hard for you to pick from one of these because they all seem good and bad at the same time. Because of this, you might experience decision paralysis and might doubt your abilities. I'm also seeing that you probably want your decision to be rewarding in all aspects of life . Your spirit guides want you to stop daydreaming and start working on what you really want. Also, believe in yourself. Maybe you will take a step in a direction that will bring you lots of prosperity this year :) Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): find beauty in the simplest things, love-forgive-grow, ocean, coffee mugs, experience, oranges, guidance, friends, older sibling Songs for you: either way by ive, into the new world by girls' generation, survivor by destiny's child

Pile 2

Guidance: Tarot: 6oS rev, 7oW rev, the moon, 6oC rev, 3oW rev, 6oP Your spirit guides want you to re-assess your decisions and way of doing things this year. You need to change yourself for the better. Let go of your past. If there are past regrets or conflicts, resolve them. Try to be more generous and forgiving. Don't be afraid of seeking guidance. You also need to be careful of who you mingle with. There might be imposters in your life who may hold you back from achieving what you want in life. Avoid conflicts and arguments and try being more amicable. This year is about breaking and fixing your relationships; confront your fears and let go :) Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): "don't be embarrassed to tell me", love exists, attention, cats, leaves, trees, plants, it gets better Songs for you: square(2017) by yerin baek, get up by new jeans, letter to my 13 year old self by laufey

Pile 3

Guidance: Tarot: death, temperance rev, QoC, the emperor, 7oC, KoC, 9oC rev This pile has energy similar to pile 2, but it's more serious in this pile. There is a big change coming in your life. Things will fall apart and get worse before it gets any better. You need to assess your control over things, it might not be balanced. It's time to get serious about what you truly want. Discipline and balancing your thoughts and actions is important. Your loved ones (probably your parents or your partner) are ready to support you. If you're single, you might meet the one this year :) This is the year where you make it or break it. Don't over-indulge in short-term pleasure or material gains. Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): meditation, release, journal, hobbies, flowers, sketching, kitchen, healthy food, "calm yourself, the storm will pass", "love is stored in the kitchen", "don't be selfish" Songs for you: understand by keshi, zombie by day6, see you again by tyler the creator & kali uchis

Pile 4

Guidance: Tarot: AoP rev, KnoS rev, 8oP, QoS, PoP, 5oC rev Spirit guides want you to start making decisions with your mind rather than your heart. Your intellect and hard work can and will take you to places this year. Collect your thoughts and think before you speak. Don't be in a rush to take decisions. This pile is similar to pile one so you can check that too. There may be disappointments this year but they will make you reflect on yourself. This year can also be significant in your healing journey and you will learn many new things about the human mind and how your mind works. You might also go to therapy or get guidance from an older person. If you're single, you might meet an honest and loyal person. Take your time to figure out things this year :) Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): hugs, room makeover, lights/lanterns, "a lot can happen in a year", kids, diary, bowls, books, spirituality, glass Songs for you: it kills me by demxntia & keshi, you better know by red velvet, gravity by taeyeon

Thank you for reading! I hope the new year brings you peace and happiness! 🕊️🪷

[ihavethedreamies]

Birthday Surprise | Baekhyun

Byun Baekhyun - EXO

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~3.5k

Pairing: Baekhyun x AFAB!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Fluff, Smut, Cute, Sweet

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Kissing, Bit of Swearing, Oral (F! Receiving), Fingering, Wall Sex, Unprotected Sex (Don't!)

Author's Note: This a story requested by/written for my friend @sadfragilegirl! I hadn't written something to post for EXO yet. It’s a little early for her actual birthday, but she didn't mind, so here is this as well~

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other site. Happy reading!

Sighing again, you found your eyes drifting to your phone again. Tapping the screen, there were still no new notifications. You understood with the time difference and his busy schedule that your boyfriend didn't always have a second to spare and reply. You didn't take it personally; it just was hard when you missed him as much as you did. The first week of a tour was always the hardest, but then it would get easier. After time passed though, the harder and harder it would get again. At least with Baekhyun's solo career, he was gone for a shorter time than with the whole group. You also never kept close track of his tours, only what he would tell you. It was too difficult to watch the fancams others would post, because they got to be there and not you. You had to work yourself though and couldn't go with him.

Another sigh left your lips and you reluctantly went back to watching the show on the TV. You didn't even remember what you had put on initially, but it had changed. Your phone dinged and you nearly gave yourself whiplash looking at it, but your shoulders slumped. Your food was there. Grumbling, you got up from the couch, shuffling in your slippers to the door. When you opened the door, there was the food you ordered and you grabbed the bag, but there was something else too. A box was set next to your food, and it looked like it might have been there before. It was white with a red ribbon and a red envelope stuck to it. Picking it up with your other hand, it wasn't very heavy, you headed back inside. You hadn't ordered anything…

Setting the bag of food down on the dining table, you plucked the envelope off the box, a bit of the paper tearing from where it was taped on. Your name was on it, but that was it, no address, yours or otherwise. Pondering what the heck it could be, you gently tore the envelope open, pulling the card out. Your eyes widened, then stung a bit as tears sprung to your eyes. You recognized the handwriting immediately.

Hello, Sweetheart, I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk with you the way we both want, or as often. It's harder for me to leave you at home whenever I do, even more than it is for you, believe it or not. Everything I saw wherever I went that reminded me of you, I bought. I know your birthday is tomorrow, but you'll have to wait for the presents when you see me. I did prepare a surprise though. There is a dress in the box, please wear it and a driver will come to pick you up tomorrow night at 7 pm. I miss you, and happy early birthday. ~Love, Baekhyun

You sniffed, trying to hold the tears back, feeling foolish. Why did you want to cry so hard? You wondered though what the heck he had planned. Did he set up a party or something for you so you wouldn't notice his absence as much? Finally going to the box that came with the card, you opened it and removed the tissue paper inside to see the dress. A huff of surprise left your mouth, that did not look cheap. Flipping the tag over to see the brand, you were then for sure. It was a beautiful, light blue, bouffant-style dress, the fabric had a dull sparkle throughout and was made from a smooth silk. Of course it was just your size.

"Oh, Baek…" You sniffed again, holding the dress up to yourself, wondering what shoes you were going to wear.

"Are you (Y/N)?" The sharply dressed man standing by a very nice black car asked you. You nodded, and he opened the door for you. You smoothed your dress down when you got in, adjusting it as you sat to keep it looking nice. It hit you right at the knees and you paired it with a simple set of gold kitten-heels. You had curled and put your hair up and added some gold jewelry to finish off the look. The driver got back in the car and began to head in the direction of the fancy part of town. You fiddled with the strap of your bag, watching the buildings and lights pass. Maybe ten minutes later, the car pulled into the entrance of an extremely fancy hotel. You had guessed it was a party, but maybe it would be a meal in the restaurant?

"Have a Happy Birthday, Miss (Y/N)." The driver smiled, opening the door for you and you shyly thanked him, once again adjusting your dress as you entered the lobby.

"Are you Miss (Y/N)?" one of the hoteliers asked as the automatic doors slid closed behind you.

"Yes."

"Please, follow me." She smiled, motioning for you to do so, leading you to the elevators. You got in and she pulled a card out of the pocket of her vest, sliding it into the reader of the elevator, then pressed the button for the roof.

"Have a Happy Birthday, Miss (Y/N)." She smiled once again, and the elevator doors closed, heading straight up. You were feeling a bit overwhelmed with the glitz and glam of the night already. You knew that your boyfriend was an international celebrity and had been for years, granting him plenty of clout and capital, but this…

The elevator doors opened, a polished hallway leading to a set of glass doors, and presumable, the rooftop venue. You couldn't see anything pass the doors, not even lights, just those in the distance of nearby buildings. Tilting your head a bit in confusion, you walked forward, heels clicking on the floor. When you got to the door, you for some reason felt your heart surge. Resting your hand on the handle, you took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping out into the night breeze.

"Surprise!" You startled, only somewhat unprepared. The lights had come on, the pop of confetti poppers and loud cheering welcomed you. It was hard to hide your smile, seeing all of your and Baekhyun's friends.

"(Y/N)!" An extremely loud voice heralded the action before you registered it, then found yourself engulfed by a Chanyeol. You let out an 'oof' as he hugged you, you rocked back on your feet from the force of his hug.

"Let her go!" Kyungsoo huffed, hitting the other one on the back, who recoiled in an overdramatic fashion. You shot the smaller man a grateful look, but then they both looked behind them. You couldn't see over them, but when they moved-

"Baekhyun!" You beamed, tears once again hitting your eyes and he caught you when you dashed forward.

"Hi, sweetheart." He hugged you close and you heard various voices coo at the reunion, "Happy Birthday." He kissed your forehead when you finally pulled away, then scoffed.

"Hey, you'll ruin your mascara." He swiped his thumb over your cheek and you sniffed.

"I…I knew you had probably planned a party or something, but I didn't know you would be here too!" Your smile brought out his own and you hugged him again as he chuckled.

"Ah, what?!" He shouted suddenly and if you hadn't known him for as long as you did, the volume would have startled you. He turned to look behind him aggressively only to have Minseok whisper something in his ear after hitting him to get his attention.

"Oh, right." He calmed down and Baekhyun pulled away from you some.

"I did not time everything right, so we're going to eat now, then do the rest." Your boyfriend smiled, leading you over to the table set up in front of all the others.

"The rest?" you asked, sitting down in the seat he pulled out for you. He joined you and everyone else was sitting at their own respective tables. He pointed to the side at a table piled with gifts and you gaped.

"You guys!" You spoke loud enough, lacing fake annoyance in your tone and your guests laughed.

"Kyungsoo picked out the menu." Baekhyun told you, servers coming out with the food. It was all of your favorites and tasted amazing. When everyone was done with the meal and plates were cleared, another group of servers came out with a beautiful two-tier cake. The rested it gentle on the table in front of you and lit the candles before excusing themselves with a bow.

"Make a wish, sweetheart." Baekhyun wrapped his arm around your shoulder, kissing the crown of your head and you pressed your hands together, eyes closed. Let it be that I can stay happy with him, forever. You blew out the candles and everyone clapped and cheered and then the real part of the party began. Another set of chairs were at the gift table, so you moved over.

"Half of these are from you!" You sent a look to your boyfriend who chuckled a bit.

"So? Just start!" He brushed it off and you started. You got a lot of things like skincare, makeup, and other such toiletries. There were some stuffed animals, a few sets of earrings, a few nice perfumes and a tennis bracelet. Like you said, half of it literally was from him, several different countries were the origin of many. One of the boxes you opened, you slammed closed immediately, face heating. You sent him a side-glare and he seemed to realize what you had opened.

"Oh, uh, you can do that one later." He grabbed it from you, setting it on the pile and hoping no one noticed that it was purposefully hidden.

"It works with a phone app, from anywhere…" He whispered in your ear and you wanted to interrogate him further but decided to do it later. After the presents were opened and the cake cut, you finally got to eat it. Trying not to make a mess with the frosting, you enjoyed the champagne that was brought out as well. People were already dancing in the large open area in the middle of the rooftop venue, and when another nice, slow song started, Baekhyun grabbed your hand.

"I thought it would be weird if we danced to one of my songs." He whispered to you as he brought you to the dance floor. It was the second slow song, but you understood why he did that. While he literally danced for a living, you were not nearly as graceful nor practiced as him. You set your hand in his, the other on his shoulder, his other hand resting on your waist.

"Just, follow the rhythm." He coached as you danced, several of your other friends dancing with their significant others. You smiled as you passed Jongdae with his wife, somewhat envying what they had. That was something to think about later though.

"I think you got something on your-" Baekhyun brought your attention back to him and he smirked before quickly kissing the corner of your mouth and you scoffed.

"Geez." You couldn't help but smile, resting your head on his shoulder as you swayed. When the song faded to a close, you reluctantly pulled away from him, but his hand stayed linked with yours.

"Yeol!" He shouted, catching his friend's attention. He flashed an 'ok' gesture and Chanyeol sent a thumbs up back and you frowned a bit. What were they planning?

"Come with me." He looked like a kid in a candy store, a wide grin spread over his pretty face and you followed after him as he led you inside. Chanyeol had started something on the little stage set up for the band, everyone's attention focused there.

"I was going to wait till after, but I can't." Baekhyun told you, pulling you with him through the only door of the rooftop shelter other than the one outside or the elevator. It was a small staging room it seemed, there was mostly just extra tables and chairs. When you turned toward him to ask him what he was talking about, his lips captured yours, and your words slipped into a whine. Your back hit the wall by the door, hands flying up to his shoulders and up the nape of his neck into his hair. One of his arms wrapped around you, hand on the small of your back, the other on the wall to steady you both. You were glad you chose a lip stain rather than lipstick since none of it transferred over to him. You sighed and his tongue slipped into your mouth, his leg coming between yours, pressing his thigh against your covered mound. You moaned, letting him pull back from the kiss reluctantly. His lips kissed the corner of your mouth again, then down to your jaw, and further to your shoulder. The off-shoulder sleeves left plenty of skin open, so he took the chance and sank his teeth in slightly. You tried to hold back your moan, not sure how soundproof the room was, grinding down on his thigh between yours. It had been way to long, and the little points of contact through the night were not nearly enough.

"How am I going to get out of here?" You scolded lightly as he moved across your collarbone, having most likely already left three or four marks.

"You can use my coat." He offered quickly, barely pulling his lips off your skin to speak, also removing said item. Baekhyun rolled his sleeves up, lips finding yours again. When his task was done, you giggled as he lightly smoothed his hand up your thigh. His finger hooked over the hem of your panties, snapping the elastic. You squeaked slightly when he pressed into you, pinning you into the wall further, teeth nibbling your ear lobe, licking over the golden hoops you had in.

"You're already wet?" He gave a huff of smugness and you just hummed, exhaling in bliss when his fingers ran through your soaked folds.

"Baek-!" You were going to try and rationalize your state, but it was a moot point because your breath left when he sank his finger inside you. You were tighter than usual, not even having been able to get off yourself, you needed Baekhyun. The remote vibrator he bought you made more sense then. By the time he added his second finger, spreading them to get you ready, there were probably three more marks on your upper chest. Your little mewls were obviously getting to him, but the night was for you, not him. He stopped his fingers and you wanted to protest, but he was sinking to his knees.

"Oh." You whispered, letting him gently pull your panties down and over your feet, tucking them in his back pocket. You would have scolded him, but all words left as he buried his tongue inside your wanting pussy.

"Baek!" You shuddered, slumping further into the wall, hands on his shoulders to stabilize yourself. He tried not to laugh at your squeal as he hiked one of your thighs up and onto his shoulder to get you open more for him. His tongue left your core, flicking at your clit, two fingers finding home inside you again. Your walls fluttered around the digits and he could tell you were close. With one more crook of his fingers, and kiss to your clit, you came and he helped you ride it, eagerly lapping at your essence flowing down his hand. By the time the waves of your orgasm faded, you were shaking and he smirked, standing while licking off his fingers. You noticed his hardened cock straining against his dress pants, fingers finding the zipper.

"Wait-"

"Can't. Do it better later." You insisted and he wasn't going to argue. Just as soon as you freed him, the head of his cock was at your entrance and he pushed in. Your gummy walls pulsed around him; the stretch stung from you going to so long without him. The same leg he had over his shoulder he held up over his elbow and you were so glad you were flexible. His thrusts were shallow and hard, trying to get to the crest for both of you fast so he could get you back to the hotel room and fuck you properly.

"Shit, Baekhyun." Your breath came out in pants, trying to stay quiet, but it was hard. Your peak was getting close again, your tight core around his cock felt like heaven, so he was close too.

"Come on, sweetheart. Cum for me." His sweet voice in your ear was all it took and he had to still as you came. He let go as well, the squeeze too good. Catching your breath, you startled when someone knocked on the door hard. Baekhyun must have taken it as a signal for something, because he got himself fixed up and let you have his suit jacket to cover your shoulders. In the low light he could see the rising deep red and purple welts, a few with light teeth marks.

"Okay, lets go."

"What-?"

"Yeol got everyone distracted, so now you don't feel good, so we're leaving!" He grinned like a goof and you scoffed, shuffling after him to the elevator. Chanyeol seemed to be guarding the door, back to you, and you giggled as the lift doors closed. Your boyfriend looked at you, his hair a bit messy and you both laughed. He still had your panties in his pocket… When the elevator got to the floor for the room he booked, you slipped out, slinking past a group of what looked like college guys walking down the hall. You held his jacket over you tighter, following Baekhyun as he led you. When he had gotten you into the hotel suite, your giggles turned into a full laugh, and he couldn’t help but join.

"Come on, sweetheart. The bed is all ready…"

After unwrapping you like you were a present, he sat behind you on the bed, leading you to rest your back to his chest.

"What are we doing?" You asked, letting his hands on your hips guide you. He sat on his knees, having you straddle his lap and he sank lower as you settled on him, cock filling you back up. Sighing at the feeling of him inside you again, he kissed over your shoulders again, sucking another mark at the base of your ear. Resting your head on his shoulder, his hands guided you to grind down onto him, the angle had the head of his cock right in the best spot, rubbing and pressing you into a tizzy. You wondered why it felt so much more intense than normal, more intimate.

"You looked so beautiful tonight. I knew the dress was perfect." His voice, low and soft in your ear seemed to vibrate over you and your hips stuttered through the rhythm you both had set. Baekhyun leaned back a bit more, you followed since you were resting on him, and the shift let him slide in even deeper and you gasped at the rapidly rising pleasure.

"I loved hearing you laugh in person, being able to hold you." One of his hands slid up over your stomach, cupping your breast.

"Feel your soft skin, kiss you, taste you…" You whimpered, his hips shifting to meet yours, thrusting up to meet your rolling hips.

"Wanna see you…" You whined and he hummed, smirking.

"Okay, sweetheart." While you were not pleased that he pulled out, you were quickly filled back up when your back hit the bed. His hands wrapped around yours when they went to cup his jaw, mouth meeting yours again. Linking your fingers, he pinned your hands up by your head with his, pulling back just enough so your lips still brush slightly. You wrapped your legs tighter around his waist, and he snapped his hips hard, picking the pace up immediately. You couldn't hold back your moans, writhing in pleasure under him, the bed frame groaning from the force. You wanted to touch him too, but his hands on yours prevented it. He smirked against your lips, switching to using his one hand to hold both your wrists in place. The free hand gripped your thigh, shifting your leg up higher so he could get even deeper inside of you. It was hard for you to get out anything intelligible other than his name and your orgasm was rising faster than you anticipated.

"God, you're so beautiful. I love you so much, (Y/N)." His pace was stuttering, the vice of your core sending him closer to the edge as well.

"Love you too~" You managed to get out and your voice crested into a high moan as you fell over the edge. He groaned himself, spilling inside, filling you with warmth and swallowing your noises with a sealing kiss.

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart." Baekhyun smiled warmly and you giggled tiredly.

"You really didn't have to do so much…" You pouted playfully and he hummed, shaking his head.

"I did. I love you, and whenever I'm gone for so long, so far away, you're all I think about. I honestly wish I would have done more.”

Master-Master List

[jnnul]

nouvelle vague

a/n: i've been in a fever dream writing this fic, honestly. i kinda just needed to write it. it means so much to me that i did though because it's something that i wish that i had learned earlier and i just love this fic so much please love her like i have. and a huge HUGE thank you to xixi and soph for beta reading! couldn't have made this fic possible without you <3 quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

word count: 13.3k

tags: college au!, confusing love, y/n who can't get her life together, self-destructive mc x perfect donghyun with a sprinkle of best boy dongmin, so many good friends and so many lessons to be learned

warnings: explicit detail of sex (oral, foreplay, angry sex, unprotected sex...) underage drinking, and general college shenanigans! also heavy detailing of unhealthy relationships with stress, and academic pressures :(

playlist: nouvelle vague - wave to earth, fairy of shampoo - dosii, she - jannabi, 0310 - yerin baek

THERE WERE LOTS OF THINGS THAT YOU KNEW NOT TO DO.

don't leave the gas on, don't let sanghyeok lee cook anything, and don't get into pointless arguments with dongmin han that he gets overly competitive about winning.

"...which is why you've got to trust me when i say that mbti is a science that you can actually trust!"

"i don't know, min, i just think mbti is stupid. it's a pseudoscience at best, and that too is a complete overstatement," you say off-handedly, more preoccupied with finding the book you needed to write your essay on. dongmin scoffs, pressing a steepled hand to his chest in offense as he pulls down the book you were look for with the other.

"that sounds like something an intj would say," he counters, withholding the book from you. you stare at him unimpressed, arms folded over your chest.

"it sounds like something a logical person would say," you retort, waiting for him to relent and return your book. this behavior (much to your dismay) was nothing new and you knew your best friend well enough to just wait out his tantrums for you to be able to move on with your life.

dongmin looks at you expectantly and you sigh, hanging your head. "alright, alright, i'm not a logical person; i've just got a stick up my ass. are you happy now?"

your best friend harrumphs proudly and touches the book to both of your shoulders, as though he were knighting you. you roll your eyes and snatch the book from him, hugging it close to your chest for fear that he might steal it from you again.

"maybe if you actually had a stick up your ass once in a while, you wouldn't be such a killjoy all the time," dongmin snorts, narrowly dodging you when you wind up to smack him with the book (read: weapon) in your hand.

"alright so now since i haven't had sex in a while, i'm a killjoy?" you say as the both of you make your way back to the study room that you'd reserved in hopes that you'd actually get some work done today. although, you should've been wise enough to give up on such nonsensical ideas the moment dongmin texted/warned you that he would be gracing you with his presence.

"i still can't believe you won't tell me who you had sex with last. and besides, i don't think you're a killjoy," dongmin clarifies, opening the door for you to walk through. "but everyone else does."

"because i'm voluntarily celibate?"

"because you never go out anymore! you used to be so much fun, y/n. you used to be the girl that would have crazy stories from when she would party until five in the morning. the one who'd have boy after boy lining up in front of her door just to see if they would get a chance with you. not to mention the fact that you used be able to drink us all to shame. i still think you're an awesome and fun person without doing any of those things but i miss you sometimes, you know? i just can't help but wonder where that girl went and that's why everyone else can't understand why a person like you and i can be best friends when they see us now. because they don't know what you used to be like."

you sigh, tucking your hood over your shoulder as you begin to analyze the work in front of you.

"i didn't go anywhere, min and you know that. i don't care what other people think as long as my best friend knows the truth. and besides, that lifestyle was never going to be a sustainable one. i just decided that i wanted more out of life than just parties and bad grades," you explain patiently, eyes never leaving the neatly organized papers in front of you.

dongmin huffs and leans backwards into the booth, but he knows it's the truth. while he'd become friends with you because of your rambunctious and adventurous spirit back in freshman year, he'd chosen to remain best friends with you even later on because you were a good person - an ambitious person who wanted to make something out of their life.

"you can have both, you know," he mumbles and you smile gently at him before looking back down at your book.

"i know. you can have both because you were smart and made sure your grades never slipped. i didn't do that and now i'm paying the price," you remind him, and you can sense dongmin's protest about your self-deprecating statement bubbling up but he's interrupted when the study room door opens and a series of people begin to file in.

"hey, so sorry to have to kick you out but we have the room reser - wait. dongmin? what are you doing in a study room, man?" one of the men who'd walked in says.

you don't pay attention to the people walking in as you begin to gather your materials, leaving the socializing to your much more extroverted best friend. you check your watch, cursing under your breath when you realize that you'd spent too much time looking for the book and dongmin’s antics. you were supposed to switch from this study room to the one next door, because that one was available for a long period of time but only opened up right as the current one was going to be occupied.

"eh, i just came to bother y/n," dongmin says with a bored tone that everyone in the room knows is a front. "what are you guys doing here? don't you have a musty basement to throw a rager in?"

this leads all of the men and women who walked in to snicker, pointing at the poor soul who'd decided to take it up with dongmin today.

"you're basically in the frat too," the man protests and you finally register him to be jeongwoo park, one of dongmin's heaps of friends in the tsr frat.

"yeah but you have to pay to drink your own alcohol with your own dues," dongmin points out, snickering at jeongwoo. "i drink your alcohol for free."

"i say we ban this kid from our parties," another voice, hyunwoo kim pipes up, and a chorus of 'yeah's' and 'shut up jeongwoo' rise up simultaneously from both sides of the conversation. you fail to keep in your giggle as you watch dongmin get banned from the tsr frat in realtime (that you know he's going to charm his way out of somehow anyway), causing some of the people to turn their attention to you.

"y/n! how are you babe? it feels like it's been a century since we've last seen you!" one of the girls, jihyo han, says warmly and you give her a shy smile.

"i'm doing alright. swamped with projects," you say, lifting your arms up to showcase the number of books and papers you were balancing and doyeon coos sympathetically.

"that's what double majoring in english literature and architecture does to you but the woman doesn't listen to me," dongmin says, jostling you jestfully. you turn to chide him for pushing you when you accidentally lose grip of all of your work, causing it to tumble to the ground in what feels like slow-motion into heaps of unorganized messes.

"dongmin!" you hear hyunwoo scold as you swoop down to gather everything into your arms once more. another figure joins you on the ground, scooping papers into a neat stack with nimble fingers and strong arms. you look up to make eye contact with donghyun kim, immediately averting your eyes when you do, afraid of what he might find in them if he kept looking at you for too long.

"thanks," you mumble when donghyun hands you the papers he's collected and he just offers you a soft smile.

"it does feel like it's been a while since we've seen you around, y/n. even sanghyeok complains that he hasn't seen you at their place lately," donghyun says gently and you're left to shrug helplessly as you adjust to grasp at the stray pages more carefully.

"ah. yeah. i haven't really gone over to dongmin and sanghyeok's place lately because i've been in the library most of the time," you say and donghyun nods, silent as he watches you with that knowing gaze that sets your every nerve on fire.

sometimes, you wonder if donghyun knows how much of an impact he has on those around him just by the way he looks at them.

you don't have feelings for donghyun - at least no feelings worth discussing with anyone and none that you were ever willing to recall - but you're sure that pretty any one with a pair of eyes and a functioning heart could acknowledge just how attractive he was.

you were almost 99.99% sure that even if what had happened between you and donghyun hadn't happened, anyone's heart would skip at least once when they talked to him.

"i'm gonna go to the other study room," you announce hurriedly to no one in particular and dongmin takes it as his cue to bid his friends farewell as the two of you make your way to the study room.

"feel free to come to our room if it gets too loud or crowded in here!" dongmin yells over his shoulder, much to your dismay and to the chagrin of the librarian sitting at her desk a few yards away.

"sorry!" he exclaims, equally as loud, and the librarian just rolls her eyes with a forgiving smirk tugging at her lips. of course dongmin had managed to charm her too. you'd be surprised if your best friend left anyone with two legs and a heartbeat on this campus without at least an attempt to get into their pants.

or vice versa. mostly vice versa.

"oh that reminds me. sanghyeok asked me if you wanted to come to movie night this friday. you've skipped out on the last three because of work and exams but you're finally gonna be submitting all the big ones by this thursday so i don't want to hear any excuses on why you can't come to movie night. alright? alright. besides, all of the guys from our - your freshman year are gonna be there. and also, sanghyeok is gonna bring his girlfriend too so you won't be the only girl," dongmin says, his words firing out of his mouth in rapid succession.

you just nod in understanding, knowing that this shouldn't be the hill that you died on when it came to dongmin's antics.

"and i also may or may not have promised that you'd come to jaehyun's party on saturday," dongmin adds sheepishly and this finally catches your attention.

"movie night is one thing but a party is another thing, dongmin! is it a frat party or a clubbing type event? how long is the event? do you need me to send a present for him or something? isn't it his birthday soon?" you interrogate and dongmin just throws a pencil at you and puts his index finger to his lips to shush you.

"woman, do you ever shut up?" he sasses, immediately raising his hands in surrender when your eyebrows lift so high, they disappear into your hairline. "what i mean is, jaehyun said that he would give me the number of that cute girl from your structural design class that you won't give me if you come to his party."

"how does he know her? and what does that have to do with my attendance at his party?" you ask and dongmin shrugs, leaning over the table.

"it's jaehyun. he knows everything about everyone," dongmin reminds you and you have to concede to that. "and i'm not kidding when i say that people miss you y/n. you're still that fun person when you're away from your work and people haven't seen that side of you in so long. you've gotta oblige jaehyun on his birthday, don't you think?"

"...i'll think about it," you say with a sigh after a few beats of contemplation. "as long it's not a 'rager in a musty basement' like jeongwoo's parties."

dongmin lifts three fingers solemnly. "scout's honor. it's not going to be a rager in a musty basement. now please. finish your work! i'm hungry and sanghyeok promised ramen from the ramen bar."

+++

to dongmin's credit, the movie night was actually a breath of fresh air from your constant cycle of work, school, and stress. sanghyeok's girlfriend, jayoon sim, was the sweetest girl you'd ever met in your life, back when you'd met her at the beginning of the year. she was very similar to sanghyeok in the fact that she was outgoing and on the louder side but it was heartwarming to see sanghyeok start to mellow out to balance her spark.

it wasn't as though sanghyeok was toning down his personality for her - if anything, the two of them were even more chaotic together - but he seemed to like riding the backseat of the conversation more often as jayoon went on some tangent or another of the plot of the movie.

which led to lots of moments where the movie was paused by one of the five boys present at movie night (more often than not, it was sungho park, who was more intrigued by jayoon's tangents than the movie itself) and lots of popcorn being eaten in those breaks.

and that was how you found yourself standing in sanghyeok's kitchen, popping another bag of popcorn - the fourth bag in the past hour. sanghyeok had offered but you knew from personal experience that sanghyeok plus any form of cooking equals fire.

you personally thought it was a talent to be that talentless at cooking but dongmin, sanghyeok's roommate and the unfortunate soul who had to put out said fires, was not nearly as amused as you were.

"do you need any help?" you hear a voice ask behind you. you turn to make eye contact with donghyun, standing in the space that separated the kitchen from the foyer where you could faintly hear jaehyun myung and dongmin get into yet another argument about the logistics of whether or not batman could feasibly buy the mona lisa.

"it's just popping a bag of popcorn," you answer. donghyun laughs, taking another step forward into the kitchen.

"and yet sanghyeok manages to destroy the bag and the popcorn every single time," donghyun reminds you and you shrug, slipping your phone into your pocket.

"it's hard to do. you have to give him that," you admit and he laughs again, shaking his head.

"touché."

there's a blanket of silence that falls over the conversation, the argument in the other room providing background noise so it doesn't grow awkward.

you knew donghyun wasn't much of a talker but at this point, you just didn't know what to say to him anymore. he wasn't a stranger to you - he was close to dongmin, and prior to that, you had been pretty close to the five boys. they'd been the boys that you'd gone out with most of the time during the second half of freshman year and the beginning of sophomore year.

donghyun had seen you in a number of embarrassing situations; granted, most of them were while you were blackout drunk, but the number of times that you were in asaid state during the first half of your college education was embarrassing enough.

and he'd seen you...he'd seen all of you. he'd seen too much of yourself and it made you want to stuff yourself deep underground so you could escape his knowing gaze.

so while donghyun kim was no stranger to you, this new version of you was a stranger to him.

it was an odd feeling: having the knowledge of a shared past that neither of you could fully relate to any longer, and having mentalities that extended in distinctly different directions in the present.

donghyun was the prime example of being able to have it all. from what you knew about him from the past three years of tentatively close friendship, you knew that he was a strong academic who would skip out on a party here and there to make sure he could study the next morning but could be convinced into having a good time pretty much anywhere.

you've heard of a good many adventures from dongmin just this year about how the five of them had found themselves in abandoned malls or parties at the college neighboring yours, which was infamous for its ability to throw a rager for pretty much any reason.

if anything, the strongest feeling that you felt towards donghyun kim was sheer, unadulterated, pure jealousy. how could one person be so well-balanced while it felt like you were fighting an uphill battle everyday just to get everything done?

that jealousy was what had landed you in the situation you were in now: filled to the brim with stress and ready to pop at any moment. it was also that envy which had led to that mistake at the beginning of sophomore year between you and donghyun.

"y/n? are you okay?" donghyun asks, waving a hand in front of your face. you blink, turning belatedly to open the microwave door, only to see that donghyun had already done it for you.

"sorry. i spaced out for a second," you mumble, and busy yourself by searching for a new bowl, seeing as the one in the foyer was still somewhat filled with popcorn.

"you really need to take breaks more often, y/n. i feel like the stress of constantly being on the go is getting you," donghyun echoes from behind you and for some reason, the concern in his voice makes you ashamed and angry more than anything else.

easy for you to say donghyun, you want to say. everything comes easy to you. you didn't fuck up like i did. you don't have to fight everyday to make sure that you actually have a future worth living for because you weren't young and stupid.

but all you actually say is, "yeah, you're definitely right."

you avoid donghyun's heavy gaze as you pour the popcorn into the bowl, silently willing him to go back to the foyer so you could simmer in your embarrassment in peace but to your dismay, he doesn't leave.

"you're incredibly intelligent and hard-working. but if you don't give yourself a break sometimes, you're just going to burn out. i wish you'd come back to us sometimes. you can't ruin your present for your future," he says softly, and suddenly everything is just too much.

his words strike a chord in your mind somewhere and you can feel your strong front start to crumble.

you want to yell at him, scream that he had no right to tell you how to live your life and that you were going to lay in the pile of sins that you'd committed. but for some reason, all you can do is try and fight back tears.

it makes you feel so incredibly embarrassed that you'd worked so hard for the past two years to ensure that you'd never slip up. that your mistakes from freshman year and the first half of sophomore year wouldn't catch up to you.

you'd worked on yourself, working on controlling your lust for going out and having fun. on not getting affected by when people would ask you to come out with them, only to reject them for fear of what would happen to your academics. you'd worked on not showing any signs of being tired or scared of your future.

just to cry. just to cry here in front of donghyun in sanghyeok's kitchen. not in the privacy of your home where no one could see you. but the exact place in front of the exact person that you didn't want to see you cry at all.

you hastily wipe at your tears, willing them to stay in the confinement of your eyes before you could let them fall in a place that would deliver such a blow to your ego or your social standing.

donghyun is taken aback, you can tell by the way that his usually impassive face has a hint of worry written into the lines of his forehead that crinkle as he watches you try to put yourself together.

"can you give this popcorn to the others? i just need to use the restroom really quickly," you whisper hoarsely, not daring to look at donghyun in the eyes as you rush out of the kitchen, trying your best to look alright and conceal the fact that you were crying in front of the five other people in the foyer.

you know you're unsuccessful though when you hear footsteps growing louder and louder as they approached the bathroom and it takes every ounce of your strength to keep from crying harder.

"y/n? you okay? you looked kinda hurried going into the bathroom." it's dongmin, and you contemplate for a moment before slowly opening the bathroom door, pulling him in and he immediately wraps you into a hug as soon as he sees your tear-streaked face.

"i'm okay. i just really need a hug right now," you manage to warble out, and dongmin's arms just get tighter around your shoulders. you try to come down, steadying your breathing as you try to keep fresh tears from falling down your cheeks when a knock sounds at the door.

"it's me," donghyun says and you want to curse him out. you want to tell him to leave you alone. that you didn't want to talk to him and that you wanted him to stop judging you and your choices. instead, you lean over, breaking away from dongmin, to click open the bathroom door.

"i'm so sorry," he says softly and you shake your head, giving him a mirthless smile.

"i've just been super high-tension for the past couple of days with all of the submissions and i just - i just kinda fell apart. sorry you had to see that."

donghyun steps forward, and dongmin steps back, letting go of where his arm was resting on your shoulder.

"i didn't mean to make you feel bad, y/n. i was just worried about you. i know what it's like to feel that kind of pressure and i just hated to see one of my...friends in that level of stress," he continues, glancing at dongmin when he says the word friend, and dongmin steps around you in the tiny bathroom to reach the door.

"i'm gonna leave you two alone. don't do anything i would do," he warns with a stupid grin and despite the situation, you find yourself laughing, threatening to throw the toothpaste at him.

"he's so dumb," you say under your breath and donghyun watches you carefully.

"he's a good friend," he remarks and you nod, pulling at the toilet paper to wipe your tears away.

"he's the best friend i could ever ask for," you agree and donghyun's expression doesn't change but his demeanor grows a little more hesitant.

"we all thought you guys were gonna start dating, you know. i mean, he's the one person who stuck by you through everything," he confesses and you immediately shake your head, the very thought of it making you want to gag.

"dongmin and i? no way. he's my best friend but i could never see him as my boyfriend. we're more like siblings than any sort of romantic relation; i'd fax his soul directly to satan if he asked me for my fries but i'd give my kidney to him," you explain and donghyun relaxes a bit, leaning against the wall behind him as he watches you clean yourself up.

"he hasn't talked to you about how much stress you're putting on yourself?"

"i'm doing fine, donghyun. i really do appreciate that you have my best interests in mind but dongmin's the one who's been there for every single step i've made. if he doesn't think that there's an extreme cause for concern, no offense, but i really don't see why you do."

donghyun has nothing to say to that, and although he probably should, he doesn't feel hurt at all. you were right. donghyun knew you as an outsider, compared to dongmin and even sanghyeok, and didn't know how much stress (or lack thereof) there really was in your life.

but he couldn't explain why he was so worried or why he missed your old troublemaking tendencies so much. or why he missed your strange ideas of a good time or unnecessary dialogues during movie nights. he couldn't explain why he missed the heat of your body on cold nights or why he replayed that fateful night in his mind over and over again.

this was the first movie night that you'd been to in a while from donghyun's knowledge but what did he know? he was only at this movie night because dongmin invited the old freshman/sophomore year gang to start their friday movie nights tradition once more instead of them just being sanghyeok, you, and dongmin.

so when you slip past him, not only does donghyun find himself at a loss for words, but he also finds himself more confused than he had been before your conversation.

at least he could figure it (whatever it was) at jaehyun's party tomorrow.

+++

the one redeeming factor of your attendance of jaehyun's party in exchange for dongmin's sexcapades, in your opinion, was that it was not in fact hosted in a musty basement.

jaehyun had taken it upon himself to host his party in the penthouse of his apartment (rich people had the strangest ways of spending their money), which was definitely a step up from what you were expected.

unfortunately, the sheer number of people in that party who were present, on top of the number of people who were surprised at your presence was more than a little bit overwhelming.

you'd forgotten just how loud these parties got, and if you weren't already over the legal drinking age, you'd be extremely worried about being caught dead near this many drunk people.

not that you hadn't done your fair share of illegal consumption of ethanol but that was something you chose not to dwell upon.

"Y/N! I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH SINCE YESTERDAY!" you hear someone scream over the obnoxiously loud music, and immediately, your vision goes black as jaehyun bearhugs you, clearly too drunk to be fully present in the situation at hand.

"jaehyun! happy birthday!" you manage to squeak out, hitting dongmin in the arm to pry jaehyun off of you. you'd convinced dongmin to stick with you the whole time during the party in exchange for you actually showing up and he'd declared that he'd serve as your bodyguard during jaehyun's party for times like these.

"alright bud, i don't think she's ever gonna come back to a party if you squeeze her to death," dongmin warns jaehyun, peeling the energetic boy off of you. jaehyun pouts, not looking unlike his dog (the cutest golden retriever named juno) as he shakes his head stubbornly.

"no! she has to come back! she's so much fun! she's the life of the party!" he exclaims, searching through the throng of people for a cup of whatever nasty concoction you were sure sungho had come up with.

you should've known better than to come to this party, you lament. any of jaehyun's parties always turned into ragers from the absolutely insane number of people that he knew.

but soon enough, jaehyun is shoving a cup into your hand, the suspicious liquid in it sloshing around dangerously as he teeters backward into a tall figure.

"careful, dude. you don't want to end up in the emergency room on your birthday again," the figure says, catching jaehyun's body in his arm.

you internally groan. donghyun.

"ugh no. i hated going to the emergency room last year for my birthday," jaehyun whines with a strong tone of sheer pout staining his words.

"that's what i thought. where's sungho?" donghyun asks, and you figure that sungho must've been put on jaehyun duty for the night, as the man was a total lightweight and was known for endangering himself more than anyone else whenever he had a single drop of alcohol in his system.

"sungho! OH MY GOD SUNGHO!" jaehyun yells, slipping out of donghyun's grasp in search of his more than likely tired friend.

"that guy needs a girlfriend," dongmin sighs and you roll your eyes.

"why? so some poor girl can get tasked with dealing with jaehyun's mess every time he gets drunk?"

"nah. every time jaehyun gets a girlfriend, he turns into such a clean drunk it's crazy. i think he subconsciously feels bad that his girlfriend has to take care of him so he does it on purpose," donghyun explains and you hum, examining the substance in your cup with a critical eye.

you never knew that jaehyun had had a girlfriend. or more than one girlfriend at that. you were pretty close with jaehyun once upon a time. why hadn't he told you when he started dating someone? had you really become that out of touch with your friends?

all because you decided that you didn't want to party anymore?

no. that wasn't it. your friends weren't people like that. it was probably because you declined every single invitation that they'd extended to you to hang out with them.

a guilty weight settles in your chest as you start thinking about just how many times your friends had invited you to do things with them over the past year and a half. in the moment, you'd always had something that you needed to do. something to submit, something to do for extra credit, something to do to get better grades.

but now that you looked back on the past year and a half, you could only remember the events they'd invited you to, and just a handful of truly important assignments you'd needed to submit.

"you don't need to drink that," donghyun says, extending his hand for you to deposit the drink into. dongmin looks between you and donghyun, confused by the sudden offer. donghyun never went black knight for anyone else - much less women he wasn't all that close to.

even when you were a well integrated member of their friend group, you had never been particularly close to donghyun, from what dongmin remembered. the two of you were close enough to embark on drunken adventures separate from the group maybe once or twice but definitely not close enough to mention those adventures to dongmin in explicit detail.

not close enough for donghyun to drink a drink for you.

it's clear that you think the same thing (for different reason, however) when you lift the cup to your lips, staring at donghyun straight in the eyes as you tip your head back, drinking all of the contents of the cup in one straight go.

donghyun smirks, watching you drink the whole cup, aware that you were proving a point to him.

you don't need to keep trying to worry for me. i can handle myself.

the message is clear in your eyes as you lock eyes with him, wiping the excess liquid on your lips with the back of your hand, the challenge explicit in the way you look at him.

"too much pride is no good for you," donghyun quips and you roll your eyes.

"it's not pride. i just know that i can handle my alcohol. i don't need you to worry about me or worry about whether i can or not," you retort. "you worry about me when i study too much. you worry about me when i party. when are you not worried about me donghyun? why are you even so worried in the first place?"

"because we used to be good friends," donghyun counters but his argument isn't all that strong, by the way his voice wavers when you step a step too close to him - so close that he can smell the cinnamon of your perfume.

"were we? we were friends, sure. but were we good friends, donghyun? we just went out together. we hung out with the group but we weren't all that close. not...not until... not close enough for you to be suddenly popping back into my life with advice that i don't need and i didn't ask for!" you can't help but raise your voice, searching blindly for dongmin's arm and dragging him with you, chest heaving in anger as you storm away from donghyun.

"what the hell?" dongmin is left to ponder. "has the alcohol already kicked in?"

+++

"don't talk to me right now," you seethed, pushing at donghyun's chest as you walked faster towards the rest of your friends, somewhere further up the street, laughing and shoving each other.

"i don't even know what i did!" donghyun exclaimed, using those stupidly long legs so that he was walking backwards, face to face with you. "why are you so fucking mad at me?"

"you seriously don't know?" you yelled, and you saw dongmin turn around to see what was taking the two of you so long, unaware of the bomb he'd dropped, but he's turned back around just as fast by sungho, who had an extremely drunk jaehyun on his back and clearly needed dongmin's help carrying their lightweight friend who was a heavyweight in body weight when drunk.

"i seriously don't know!" donghyun repeated, his arms flying up to show you how frustrated he was. of course he didn't know. there was no way that he could know just how upset you were with his perfection. of course dongmin had to mention that donghyun had a 4.0 gpa. of course he could come out every night with you and your friends and still maintain that gpa.

of course he didn't have to worry about whether he would even get a job in the future because he'd failed a class or two. of course he could go out every night. of course he could drink his weight in alcohol and still function the next day. of course he could get any girl he wanted just by looking at them for a second too long.

"i hate you," you whispered, almost as if the words had escaped the dark recesses of your mind against your own will.

"what?" donghyun asked incredulously, swooping down to catch the noxious words falling from your painted lips.

"i said, i hate you." your eyes were fierce, shining with a dangerous light that donghyun had never expected from you and had never seen before. you looked like the picture of peril, a knife poised at his throat, threatening to draw blood.

it was an emotion that was so raw that donghyun found himself leaning even closer, absolutely intoxicated by the reckless way that you refuse to hide the challenge in your eyes.

"are you guys coming or what?" sanghyeok call out from where the rest of your friends were, some ten yards ahead of you. donghyun waved him off, his stare never leaving yours.

"we're going back to my place. i've gotta show y/n something," donghyun yelled back and you can't help the sneer that draws upon your lips and if donghyun weren't beyond turned on, he was sure that he would find it a little concerning.

it wasn't everyday, after all, that one of your good friends mentions that she despises you. especially not a good friend that you found incredibly attractive.

the rest of them turned back around, leaving you and donghyun to simmer in this strange energy. competition, charged with something else much more primal - anger and lust.

the entire walk to donghyun's place is silent. it was just a five minute walk from where you'd split from your friends but those five minutes feel excruciating as you feel a dark sense of excitement sit deep in your core, making you feel split in two directions.

the first direction was much more logical: you were jealous of donghyun's ability to handle it all and you wanted to just yell at him and scream until your throat went hoarse.

the second direction was stronger and much less logical: you were incredibly drawn to donghyun and you wanted him to fuck your throat until it went hoarse.

same end goal, but different ways of pursuit.

the second direction ends up winning out when you found yourself pressed up against donghyun's door the second you step out of the elevator and into his studio apartment, donghyun walking you backwards so that you shut the door with the movement.

his lips stayed tantalizingly close to yours as he reached up to lock the door, his hand falling down so that it was cupping your cheek and his eyes search yours, looking for any sign of discomfort.

"look, are you going to fuck me or not?" you whispered harshly and he barks out a laugh, his other hand moving from where it was resting by his side to caress your waist.

"you've got so much anger in you, y/n. what did i do for you to hate me so much?"

"does it matter? i'm telling you to fuck me. either i leave without a heart to heart and you can jerk yourself off or i leave without a heart to heart but you cum inside a pussy tonight instead of your hand," you bit back.

donghyun's breath was shallow as he assessed you, making sure that you were in the right mind and could make decisions for yourself. if you really knew what you were asking for.

the thought of it pissed you off.

"i just don't know if this is a good idea," he admitted and you straightened up, hand reaching next to you to turn the doorknob. you didn't need someone who was going to be so apprehensive. so now you weren't even good enough to fuck?

"i'm leaving then," you said donghyun's hand immediately covered your own, pulling it back and over his shoulder so that one of your hands was resting at the nape of his neck.

you circled the other one to link your arms around his neck, forcing him to bend even further so that he was eye level with you now, lips so close that he can practically taste the flavor of your lip gloss.

"do you want me to leave donghyun? do you think this a bad idea?" you asked, purposefully letting the venom of all of your emotions drip into your voice. you're being unfair, you knew that, but it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter when he was so close and yet so far from you and you couldn't even think straight.

"fuck you." his voice ghosted over your lips, and the two of you stayed like that for a moment, equally proud and unwilling to be the one to give in and kiss in the other.

but donghyun's patience clearly wasn’t as strong as your ego when his lips pressed against yours, too gentle for your taste. you wrapped your arms a little tighter around him, letting him rest his hands low on your back, still too careful.

"i said i hated you and this is the best retaliation you've got?" you whispered, and it's like a switch turns on in donghyun's brain. his hands leave their position on your back to cup your cheeks harshly, tilting your head up so he could kiss you deeper.

you sigh against his lips, a smirk tugging at your own as you finally achieve the level of animosity you were looking for. you didn't want to have sex with donghyun. you didn't want to make love with him.

you wanted to be fucked. ruined. unable to think straight.

which was why you let him kiss you stupid, your lips swollen from the force of his own. it was as though the two of you were inseparable; his hands roamed your body freely, claiming every square inch of it for himself.

he tugged you forward harshly, lips never detaching from yours, hands reaching lower and lower until they finally settled on your ass, and you couldn't help the shallow gasp that left your mouth when he squeezed experimentally, a cocky grin melting into your kiss when he hears the soft noise.

he turned the two of you so that you were walking backwards as donghyun walked you into his bedroom, finally pulling away when your knees buckled as they hit the bed, making you fall backwards onto it.

he didn't even give you a moment to think as his lips descended on you once more, even more insistent and rough than before as he let you slip his leather jacket off his body.

his lips left yours, descending further down your body until they reached the hem of your strapless top, leaving wet kisses and blooming bruises in a heady rush.

"y/n, you have to tell me if you want me to stop." donghyun's voice came out strained and you knew that he was exercising every bit of self control to keep from fucking you stupid.

unfortunately, that was exactly what you wanted from him.

"donghyun. i'm not going to say it again. fuck me stupid."

that was all he needed before he was practically ripping at your top, pulling it off of you harshly before diving in to suck hickeys down your chest, unbuttoning your jeans at the same time.

he tugged them off in one motion, leaving you in nothing but a bandeau bra and your underwear.

"thought you were gonna get lucky tonight?" he asked with an eyebrow raised as he looked at your panties - which were fortunately, and unfortunately, the sexiest ones that you owned. lacy and thin and everything.

"yeah. thought i was gonna finally fuck sunghoon park again. that man knows how to fuck a girl into the headboard," you retorted and you could tell that you'd gotten under your skin by the way that he reached forward to pull at the strap of your panties, letting the elastic snap against your waist with a painful sting.

"you're such a little brat. you need someone to fuck that attitude out of you. didn't know you had such a fucking dirty mouth on you," donghyun growls, and you would've come up with some equally as brutal response when donghyun pulled his shirt over his head with one hand.

you'd seen donghyun shirtless before. multiple times, honestly, with the number of times dongmin tries to pull you guys into random bodies of water whenever he got drunk. but seeing him in that moment felt like your blood was made of lava that was coursing through your body, rushing to settle in your core.

"you're so pretty but you're so bitchy sometimes, you know that?" donghyun taunted, hovering over you so that his gold necklace hit the bridge of his nose as he leaned over, pushing you up the bed so that your head hit the pillows.

"heard someone was gonna fuck the attitude out of me?"

donghyun smiled a wolfish smile, and pulled your underwear down, almost painfully slow as he watched you squirm, clearly unhappy with his pace.

he threw them behind him somewhere that you knew you were going to have to search for in the morning but it didn't matter in that moment.

no. all that mattered was that donghyun's lips were on your core, licking an experimental stripe, grinning proudly when he saw you shiver. he dove back in, enthused by the groans leaving your lips.

his lips were unrelenting, his tongue darting out to dip into your pussy, leaving you at his mercy. your hands reached out to tug on donghyun's hair insistently, incredibly overwhelmed by just how good he was making you feel.

"fuck. pull harder," he groaned, his hot breath fanning over your pussy, causing goosebumps to run up your spine.

you giggle, a sound that sounds out of place in such a situation, but you didn't care and obliged, pulling on his hair even harder. he groaned, leaning in to eat you out with even more vigor, his hands on your clit and rubbing at it in just the right motion. you'd laugh at his conflict if you weren't otherwise preoccupied with the hot ball of pleasure growing in your core.

donghyun watched you carefully as he pulled away, instead replacing his tongue with just one finger, waiting to see if you'd show any signs of discomfort. when you didn't, he moved his finger in and out slowly, adding another when he noticed you started to get impatient with his ministrations.

"trust me, there's nothing i want to do more than to fuck you dumb. but i can't do that if i can't be convinced that i'm not to break you in half with my cock," he whispered.

"i don't think you're big enough for that," you snarked back and donghyun just offered you a shit-eating grin and added another finger, watching for any sign that you might tap out. holy fuck. was he actually that fucking big?

he picked up the pace, fucking you faster and rougher, his fingers slipping out for just a moment as he adjusted himself so that he was laying next to you before continuing again at an even more brutal pace.

"fuck!" you can't help but yelp, one of your hands finding one of donghyun's, as his fingers move at almost mind-numbing speeds.

"i told you someone needed to fuck the attitude out of you. now look what you've done to yourself," he crowed almost condescendingly. if you weren't so blinded by the sheer pleasure of his fingers, you'd probably cuss him out.

"fuck, fuck, fuck! fuck donghyun i think i'm gonna cum!" you cried out.donghyun simply nodded at you, and you took that as a sign to cum. but just as you start to feel yourself topple over the edge of the cliff you were standing on into the pit of pleasure, donghyun rips your pleasure away from you.

he pulled his fingers out of your pussy, watching you squirm and convulse as your hips bucked pathetically, searching for some way to taste the pleasure you were so close to attaining.

"baby doll, you should've known better than to assume that i'd let you cum for the first time on my fingers rather than my cock," donghyun preened mockingly, kicking his own jeans off in the same motion as his briefs.

"fuck you, donghyun." it was all you managed to conjure up through your tears as you tried to catch your breath, only to have to wind knocked out of you once more when you caught sight of donghyun's cock.

"oh hell no, that's not going inside my pussy," you gasped, and donghyun smiled despite himself, and ran his fingers over your hair gently.

"it's big but that's why i prepped you so much, isn't it?" his tone makes it clear that there's no real question in his words. you were the one who'd said you wanted to be fucked stupid. donghyun was the one to make good on that wish.

"just go slow," you grumbled and donghyun nodded, lining up at your entrance carefully.

"can't promise that i'll go slow for too long - fuck!" donghyun cut himself off as he slipped the tip of his dick into your hot core and immediately, both of you let out a groan.

if just his tip was enough to make you feel a stretch after he ate you out and fingered you, you had no idea how you were going to fit the rest of him inside you.

if just the entrance of your pussy was enough to have donghyun's head spinning, he had no idea how he was going to fit the rest of him inside you without immediately coming.

he slid in slowly, forearms resting on either side of your face for stability, that stupid gold chain smacking you in the face with his every slight movement.

it would feel degrading if you weren't turned on beyond belief, you were pretty sure.

"god," you let out softly and donghyun couldn't help but agree as he sheathed himself completely inside you. if donghyun would be allowed to see the pearly gates of heaven, he was vaguely sure that it would feel a lot like this.

"tell me when i can move," he grit out, exercising his self-control to the fullest he's ever had to.

"you can move," you whimpered, equally close to losing your mind.

he pulled out so that just the tip was in your pussy before snapping his hips forward, knocking the breath out of you with the motion. he continued that agonizingly slow  until both of you got fed up, and finally picked up the pace.

"your pussy is perfect, you know that?" he growled, fucking into you with fluid and quick motions that make you feel as though you've established permanent residence on cloud nine.

"you're not too bad yourself," you huffed out and a short breath leaves donghyun as his movements grow harsher.

"clearly i'm not doing a good job of fucking you stupid if you can respond to me," he said.

he made good on his promise that night, fucking into you deep and rough until you both came in a symphony of moans, chests heaving as he collapsed next to you, utterly spent.

maybe if you'd said something other than what you did in that moment, things wouldn't have turned out this way. but the reality was that it was those words that ultimately dug you into your grave.

you finally spoke some ten minutes later, when your brain wasn't so fuzzy you didn't know where to pick words from.

"i wish you weren't so fucking perfect, donghyun. i just can't...just forget this happened. please. it's not like we're going to get into a relationship because of this. and i don't want to face our friends right now. so just forget any of this happened."

you'd gathered your clothes and dashed out of his apartment, the buzz from earlier in the night completely gone, along with any chance of donghyun ever figuring out why from that day onwards, you'd started completely avoiding your friends and your past, running towards a future you so desperately wanted to grasp, even if you didn't know how to.

and as he fell back against his sheets, facing the ceiling, donghyun realized just one thing: something in you had changed. but was it for the better or for the worse?

+++

dongmin lets out a low whistle, followed by a crinkle of his nose.

"you could've let out the explicit details, you know," he bemoans, pressing his hands over his ears, as though he could reverse time and delete the story you'd revealed to him from his mind by doing so.

"you said you wanted to the whole truth on why i was being so bitchy to dongmin," you point out and dongmin inclines his head towards you, pulling his knees a little closer to his chest.

"you were kinda unnecessarily bitchy, though, you have to admit. but what i really asked was why donghyun decided to go all black knight on you, to which i still haven't received a proper explanation.," dongmin corrects and you shrug, accepting the packet of gummy bears that dongmin had produced from his back pocket.

in freshman year, you'd become infamous for chasing your shots of vodka (the only alcohol you chose to drink, other than whiskey) with candy and ever since then, at least one of your friends would always carry a packet of some sort of sweet candy on them for you.

"you brought gummy bears for me?" you ask, touched as you rip the packet open, the perfect level of fuzziness buzzing through your head.

"sungho brought gummy bears for you," dongmin says softly and you look at him surprisedly. "when i told him you were coming to jaehyun's party, he told me that he needed to be prepared. they all miss hanging out with you and going out with you, you know."

"they miss hanging out with who i used to be. i don't think that they'd want to hang out with me now," you snort and dongmin immediately slaps your knee, shaking his head.

"you've gotta stop doing that."

"doing what?"

"doing the whole 'woe is me' act when you just grew up. we all grew up, y/n. maybe you haven't seen it because you've been so busy in your own world, trying to make up for the past but we've all grown up right besides you," dongmin rants, getting up from where he was sitting on your balcony, starting to pace back and forth.

"when you pulled away from us, you know how confused we all were? it was like one day, you were laughing and making jokes with us and the next day, you suddenly hated us. you stopped coming to our hangouts, stopped initiating plans, fuck, you didn't even come to sungho's birthday last year!

"we thought that we did something to piss you off. we interrogated donghyun for weeks but he was just as confused as the rest of us. and then i realized just how lonely you were by yourself. you think i didn't notice how you'd watch us hangout in the library without you? about how you left that stupid neck pillow for sanghyeok when you saw him staying up late studying? or when you paid for jaehyun's coffee when you knew he was having a bad day?

"i was the only one who saw all that. so when everyone asked me when i didn't drop you like you dropped us, i didn't know how to explain that you didn't drop us, but you were just going the wrong way about chasing after your future. i didn't want to out you and make you feel as though you needed to stop taking care of everyone behind their backs because i still wanted you to be with us.

"we all cared about you so much. that's why i've been here the whole time. i've been the only one in front of you but the same way that you've been taking care of everyone else, everyone has been taking care of you. who do you think lends me his car whenever i need to come to your place because you're having a bad day and need a shoulder to cry on? sanghyeok. who always keeps the pantry stocked with your favorite snacks in case you might come around one day? sungho.

"who always points out clothing whenever we go shopping and says 'y/n would love this shirt!', just to get upset when he realized you weren't there to respond? jaehyun. who would always nudge me to go and check on you because he was worried that you were putting too much stress on yourself? donghyun. even jihyo and jayoon ask about you and keep asking us if maybe you'd come over more often since there were more girls hanging out with us now.

"i'm not telling you all this because i want you to feel bad. i just needed to tell you because we've all been caring about you this whole time but you've just never let us in, when we've been knocking at the door, just waiting for you to finally open the door. and you just won't because you're so scared of coming back to us!" his chest is heaving at the end of his rant and you can't help it, leaping to your feet as you let your voice grow louder and louder, scratchy with emotion.

"i am scared dongmin! i'm so fucking scared, i can't even think straight! i miss all of you so much and i'm so scared that i'll fall into the trap of loving you all so much that that's all i spend my time doing and i'll neglect all of the hard work i've been putting in for so long to reverse the mistakes of my past!" you scream and dongmin steps even closer, clearly not backing down from this fight.

"and what kind of future are you going to have when you turn around and see that we've all moved on without you? i can't fucking move on without you because you're like my sister; i can't imagine a life without you but what about everyone else? how long do you think everyone's gonna be waiting for you?"

"i didn't ask them to wait for me!" you shout and dongmin runs his hand through his hair frustratedly, turning so that you wouldn't see the anger on his face.

"BUT THEY DID! THEY ALL DID! they all waited for you because they - we all love you, you stubborn piece of shit! all you had to do was tell us you were feeling this way! all you had to fucking do was talk to us and ask for help. but you pushed us away when you needed us most and now look!" dongmin points at the empty space around you, forcing himself to overlook your watery eyes. "look at who's here besides me? you know jaehyun would've wrapped you in a hug, that sungho would've immediately offered to study with you. that sanghyeok would've stayed up with you, even if he didn't need to. that i would sneak food into the library with you! that donghyun would literally sit down and tutor you if you needed him to."

he swallows when you finally break down, sobs wracking your body as your fists clench into balls at your sides, stubbornly refusing to take the one step you would need to for dongmin to wrap you into a safe hug, like the ones that jaehyun always gave you.

but it's okay, because dongmin takes that step for you, wrapping you in a tight hug that makes you finally feel like you can take a breath through the tears that feel like are choking you from inside out.

"i just wanted to be good enough for all of you. i wanted to come back when i was good enough and i thought i could be someone everyone wanted to be around if i was good enough," you sob and dongmin can feel his heart break as his embrace grows tighter.

"you're good enough the way that you are, y/n. you know how much you've inspired everyone? i've even started studying for tests the day before the test, instead of the hour before!" dongmin exclaims, feeling a little more relaxed when he hears you laugh through your sobs.

"that's not much better," you warble and dongmin just shrugs, never letting go of you.

"it's better than the hour before the test."

"dongmin? for the record, i don't think that i'm the only one who grew up. i know that everyone grew up. i just..."

"i know."

"i wish you were my actual brother."

"if i was your actual brother, i probably would've spit on you by now."

"what the hell."

+++

you wait nervously in dongmin's room as you hear people begin to file into the apartment, a jumble of familiar voices as jihyo and jaehyun begin bickering once again about something or another.

it was just a matter of time before the two of them started dating, you figured.

dongmin was betting on three weeks and you were betting on three months. something about the slow-burn of it all was appealing to you. dongmin insisted that fanfiction was just rotting your brain.

you let out a breath of air and dongmin flicks you on the side of your head, and you fix him with a mean glare as you rub the spot that he'd hit.

"they're just your friends, y/n. you don't need to be that nervous. you've been looking forward to this all week," he reminds you and you just nod, still rubbing the spot.

after the emotional conversation/argument with dongmin last week, you'd asked to come to the next movie night, wanting to start spending more time with your friends. and although you knew that it wouldn't be the exact same as it once was, it would never be and that was a good thing.

balance was a good thing.

"dongmin? where are you, motherfucker? i can't believe you made me buy you three different types of sour gummies, fatass!" you hear sanghyeok yell from the other room and dongmin takes this as his cue to drag you into the room with him.

"i only wanted one type. y/n wanted the other two. still wanna call me a fatass?"

dongmin doesn't get an answer to his question because no sooner has he said the words do jihyo and jaehyun bound over to you (not looking too much unlike juno) and wrapping you into nearly bone-crushing hugs.

"dongmin told us that you were going to be more available to hang out with us more and more and these two - " sungho cuts himself off to grab jaehyun by the scruff and jihyo by the collar of her shirt. " - have been a little too excited since he said so."

"we've missed you so much!" jihyo exclaims.

"you saw her last week," jaehyun mutters, groaning when jihyo smacks him upside the head.

"so did you but that didn't stop you either, now did it?"

"you're such a little bi - "

"alright. let's stop while we're ahead and just be happy that y/n's back with us, how about that?" dongmin proposes, the voice of reason for once in his life. jihyo and jaehyun exchange a dirty look (albeit, a very childish one) before the two of them sit down, leaving just you and dongmin standing awkwardly, as though you were about to give a presentation.

"uh. thanks for having me back guys. i kinda don't know what to say other than the fact that i'm sorry for leaving so abruptly. i struggled with hanging out with you guys and balancing a good gpa on top of that so i made some really stupid choices but i promise that i won't hide those stupid choices from you guys anymore. i just - i've just really missed you guys." your little speech clearly moves more than one person to tears but before jaehyun can try to deliver death by hug once more, sanghyeok claps his hands, pulling up some streaming platform or another on the television.

"thanks for that touching speech, y/n. now if you could get the fuck out of the way, we need to vote on a movie. your vote only counts as half a vote since you've missed more than two movie nights but you're welcome to rally for full membership after attendance of two more movie nights," sanghyeok announces and you roll your eyes, before looking for a spot.

dongmin's caught up in some conversation about that girl from your class with jayoon (undoubtedly doing some background research; as if he could find out anything that would make him actually keep it in his pants) and everyone else's spot is taken, leaving just an empty space next to donghyun.

i'm a big girl. i don't need to sit next to dongmin for everything. donghyun is still your friend at the end of the day. that you fucked. and was the last time that you had sex. and was also the best sex you'd ever had. but just a friend! haha. just a friend.

not the best dialogue to be running through one's mind during their re-debut into civil society (read: friend group) but you manage to divert your mind before it delves into dangerous territory.

"we're still friends," donghyun murmurs from beside you and you turn, despite your common sense telling you otherwise, to see him looking at you with the most genuine and twinkly eyes that you have to swallow and force yourself to turn once more to face the television set.

"yeah. friends," you repeat, softer than he'd said it and you can feel his stupidly sweet gaze on the side of your face.

+++

spending more time with your friends was nothing like how you thought it would be. for starters, it turned out that your friends themselves didn't have too much time to use as expendable time to just fuck around, like you used to in freshman year.

as juniors and seniors, most of your friends were occupied with their classes and their work, as opposed to the lighter coursework in earlier years. on top of that, many of them were either in relationships or were pursuing someone (or many someones, in dongmin's case) so there was more time eaten up by that as well.

but the time that all of you did spend together was much more domestic. equally as chaotic, as you'd discovered when you'd gone grocery shopping with just jaehyun and jihyo and no adult supervision from sungho (who'd trusted you to be the adult supervision), but less shenanigans than before.

instead of finding street signs to steal off the road to stash in dorm rooms, the friendship that had developed between your friends had gotten much more real, and there were more nights that you can count where at least one of you was staying up late to finish something so the rest of you were stuck helping them.

even staying up late to finish projects was more comforting with the presence of your friends, though, and you were so grateful that you'd come back to them. that they'd accepted you with open arms.

you'd had conversations with each of them one on one at some point or another, detailing why you'd left them so abruptly and asking for forgiveness but more often than not, you'd just gotten scolded for ever thinking that they wouldn't give you a chance to explain yourself.

"you were such a good friend to us for so long," sanghyeok had said. "you don't think we would just drop you when you're going through a rough patch, right?"

of course, that had led to another round of tears (which jayoon witnessed and went ham on sanghyeok for making you cry, which made you cry even harder because god, what country had sanghyeok saved for such an amazing girlfriend) but that was besides the point.

in fact, you'd made amends with pretty much everyone except for donghyun. you could see him waiting for you - waiting for you to reach out to him and explain yourself like you'd done so with everyone else, but for some reason, you just couldn't.

partly out of guilt, but also partly out of shame. you just couldn't help but avoid him.

it was easy to do so when it was all of you, since you could always rely on dongmin and sanghyeok to keep your attention otherwise occupied. but when it was just the two of you, after everyone has left the library to do things other than study for their innumerable tests, you can always feel the apology bubbling in your chest, threatening to break free.

but it never does. it never does and you know you're going to regret it.

you didn't have romantic feelings for donghyun, no. but he was someone that you could develop romantic feelings for and someone like that didn't deserve to think that you just hated him for no reason. because just going off of what had happened last year, donghyun really had no reason to think that you felt any emotion towards him other than hatred. and your actions prior to making amends with your friends didn't do much to dissuade that thought either.

which is why you didn't understand why he was still treating you with so much kindness. you were fairly sure that he wasn't head over heels in love with you or anything (especially since he's also had a good many girlfriends ever since your encounter) but you also couldn't come up with any other reason for his understanding.

he'd been the first one out of everyone to come and actually talk to you, four months ago in that study room, even at the risk of you pushing him away once more. he was the one that was most likely to be pushed away and he still looked after you, cared for you, and worried for you.

"you don't have feelings for me, do you?" you blurt out, immediately slapping a palm over your own mouth. donghyun looks up from the tablet his taking notes on with furrowed eyebrows.

"what?" he asks incredulously and you furiously shake your head, looking rather comical with your hand still covering your mouth.

"nothing. forget i said anything." you wince as you look back down at your book, ensuring that the references lined up with direct quotations as you mentally bash yourself. stupid, stupid, stupid. so you won't say that you're sorry but you'll do this? just be grateful no one else is here to see this catastrophe.

"i don't have feelings for you," he clarifies and you nod, unable to meet his eyes. of course he didn't have feelings for you. that would be so dumb. when you didn't have feelings for him, why should he have feelings for you? right?

so why did your heart just feel the tiniest bit tight in your chest?

"i don't have feelings for you but i used to search for you in every single party. even before we...we did whatever we did that night. i used to always look for you first. and i always used feel so happy just looking at you smile," he says. you look up, confused by his statement now. donghyun's looking right at you with those horribly confusing, glittery eyes and you feel your breath catch in your throat for a split second.

"what?"

"i said i don't have feelings for you. but when you pulled away from all of us, i just couldn't help but think if i did something wrong. if i did something to push you away. and i realized that i would rather have you hate me, i would rather have you push me away every time i come close, or even use me to vent your stress however you need rather than have you walk away once and for all," he continues and you feel that same tightness in your chest as he speaks, heat rising up your spine as it sits uncomfortably in your cheeks.

"i just wish you'd stayed that night. i could've convinced you to tell me all your fears and all your worries and i could've just gotten rid of them for you instead of you holding onto them for so long in your own mind," he finishes and you sit there in silence, unable to piece together any thoughts.

"so, uh, you don't have any feelings for me?" you confirm and donghyun rolls his eyes, and for just a split-second you see the dangerous glint that you remember from that night.

"you're an english lit major and you can't tell that i'm telling you that i have feelings for you?" donghyun teases and you just stare at him dumbly.

"i thought you said that you didn't have feelings?"

"and you said that you hated me."

"i don't hate you."

"i know."

and that's all the confirmation you need to spring forward from your seat, pressing a kiss to donghyun's lips. just as soft and as perfect as you'd remembered.

he reaches forward to cup your cheek, molding his lips against yours gently as you try to pour every single emotion you can into a single kiss.

"i don't hate you," you whisper, leaning your forehead against his, still standing up somewhat awkwardly due to the desk in between the two of you.

"i know," he repeats. "and i know that you don't feel the same way as i do. not as strongly as i do, at least. and i just want you to know that i'll wait."

"you'll wait for me?" you assure and donghyun nods, his hand reaching up to pat your head gently.

"i'll wait for you to take me back as a friend first and then we can figure out the rest."

"what if i'm never ready to put a label on our relationship?"

"then i'll just be here with you. i don't need a label for my feelings."

+++

it's not perfect. for all his perfection, donghyun kim had heaps of flaws. he was surprisingly 'needy' and felt anxious when you weren't with him for extended periods of time.

and when jaehyun, sanghyeok, and sungho graduated, you realized that it extended to far more than just you. for someone so stoic and poised, it turned out that donghyun was extremely soft-hearted and could care for nothing more than to have his loved ones around him for as long as he could hold onto them for.

it proved to be a little difficult, given that after your departure from your friend group, you'd gotten used to a certain level of independence and affinity for your own personal space that donghyun just didn't understand sometimes. but the two of you worked on it, because you loved each other even as just friends too much to not work on it.

there'd been points where you were sure that the two of you would just have to be friends and move on with life because of how hard it all was. you could never let go of donghyun fully; all of you were just too great of friends to ever be able to keep out of each other's lives completely.

but all's well that ends well, and you and donghyun learned to work through those issues. your affinity for running away when things got rough and donghyun's tendency to latch on harder every time you guys faced an issue was something that took months of serious discussion and communication to get through.

dongmin was the mediator more than once whenever the two of you got into arguments (you exploding at donghyun and donghyun just sitting quietly, making you even more upset before the two of you calmed down and worked things out) and it helped to have him around.

the one good thing was that your relationship, however imperfect it was, spurred dongmin to start to settle down and look for a girlfriend himself.

much to your happiness, and dongmin's chagrin, there weren't many girls on campus willing to date someone with such a reputation but that just meant that dongmin put in more effort to convince them that he was a changed man.

it was a good look on him, you'd told donghyun one day. dongmin suited having someone in his life that he had to work to please and someone who liked him regardless of his clumsy attempts at love and cared for him fully.

the three (four, when dongmin met his girlfriend) of you stuck together throughout the rest of college. there were still uncountable numbers of allnighters trying to make sure that you were maintaining your grades but it turns out, you could balance both having fun and being academically strong.

you could spend time with your friends and your boyfriend without having to worry about whether you'd be able to secure a job after college because of your gpa. it was nice, not feeling like there was a huge demon breathing down your neck every time you needed to sit down and study.

it'd taken you a long time to get there, but like all good things, with the help of your loved ones and with some self-work, you developed a healthy relationship with studying and a work-life balance.

oh! and you did end up getting a job. your dream job. right out of college. everyone had been so proud, just like you knew they'd be.

and just like that, years had passed by in the blink of an eye.

the five of you made it a point to reunite at least twice a year, since most of you were in the same country (other than sanghyeok and jayoon, who'd relocated back to south korea to take care of their parents after they got married). even five to six years later, when all of you were reaching the end of your twenties and entering the next phase of life, nothing changed.

"JAEHYUN MYUNG, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME BACK THE TV REMOTE!" jihyo screams from downstairs, and you hear loud footsteps as jaehyun undoubtedly keeps the remote withheld from her.

"i can't believe they're the parents to two children," you snort, blowing on your nails to dry them quicker.

"i can. all that fighting energy has to go somewhere," donghyun retorts and you roll your eyes. he had a point.

"you've got a point. we've been on vacation for three days and they're already in their fourth argument. well. i guess it's just flirting to them," you contemplate, extending your hand to examine your handiwork.

"you thought that fighting was flirting back in college too," donghyun reminds you and you shake your head, looking at donghyun. and just like usual, he's already looking at you, head tucked into his fist as he lies on the bed that the two of you had slept in together for the past five years (vacation was hosted by your family this year).

"it clearly worked on you," you fire back and donghyun smiles a giddy smile.

"you're my weakness. anything you give me works on me," he says in a lovestruck voice and the laugh that escapes you is a real, full-bellied one.

"god. you're such a dork; i love you so much," you sigh, getting up and walking over to where he's lying, climbing onto the bed to wrap your arms around him.

"yeah? wanna channel our energy into making a few babies?" he teases with a greasy tone of voice and squiggly eyebrows.

"you're incorrigible."

"you love it."

"i love it," you agree, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to his lips. you'd liked the darker sides of donghyun and there would always be a side of you that got giddy whenever you saw that side of him.

but you'd always love this more. soft, reassuring, and unconditional love. from him to you and you to him. neither of you needed perfection. you just needed each other. husband and wife. you didn't need those labels, and you'd believed donghyun when he said that he didn't need them for his love either. but it was nice, having everyone know that you had each other for life.

"ARE YOU WHORES COMING OR NOT? WE'RE GONNA START WATCHING WITHOUT YOU!" dongmin yells from downstairs, and you can vaguely hear his fiancée slapping him on the chest and knowing her, she was definitely telling him to shut up and let the two of you make her a niece or nephew.

you laugh, grabbing your husband's hand and leading him downstairs to plop down next to your friends. someone shoves a bucket of popcorn into your arms and you realize how grateful you were for all of the people in your life.

and how glad you were that you'd decided to forge a new path for yourself with your loved ones and with your newfound confidence in yourself.

love and life are always easier with friends and family, after all.

[jongbross]

hi again and sorry for more request 😭 suddenly it came to my mind. could you write a married couple, baekhyun is 7-8 years older than her (if it's okay for you- and of course legal) and she wants a baby so bad but, baek is not ready or not want because of his wife. his wife has already graduated and he worries about her. but two of them have a big fight because of misunderstanding. some sad tears and hugs please! (You can write one of them for two request) thank you so much! 💓

pairing: byun baekhyun x reader word count: 1086 genre: angst with a happy ending warnings: arguing, mentions of pregnancy, tears, baekhyun trying to be a good husband but failing (depends on your point of view though) a/n: the angst we wanted to badly!!!!! thanks for requesting <3

it was breaking his heart to see you like that. baekhyun could see your tears falling from your eyes, arms protectively wrapped around your body, hugging your stomach.

it's not that he didn't want a baby - he wanted it, so badly. just... not now.

baekhyun already had to live with that tiny little feeling of guilt, as he always thought he had stolen your youth. he was much older than you when you two started to date and, even though it was legal, he knew that part of him was wrong for wanting you.

you were young, in the glory of your 20 years; he was an adult already, turning 28 and thinking about what he wanted for the future. you had so much to live yet, people to kiss, drinks to try, places to go; he already had a good career, had already collected some heartbreaks, and knew exactly how he liked his whiskey.

it was kind of selfish of him, baekhyun always thought. how he loved you so much and wanted you to grow and live and experience things, but how he still couldn't let you go, because he needed you and craved for you like he never did with anyone else.

when you got into college, baekhyun promised himself that he would be the best husband - he would support you, but also give you enough space to live that part of your life. and he did, you know? from taking you to bed at 2am because you were still trying to finish that project, to getting up at 3am because you got drunk at a college party. he did his best, stayed beside you through it all, and was there to applaud you when you graduated, years after.

he wanted a baby with you. god only knows how many nights he went to sleep picturing both of you having a family together, living happily ever after. but gosh, he was doing fine in allowing you to live, how could he agree to having a baby when you just started the career you wanted so much?

"is it...", you tried to speak, but had to take a moment. "is it because my body will change?"

"what?"

"because, you know... i'm not a little girl anymore. my body has already changed so much from when we started dating, but if this is the problem, then..."

"y/n, please", baekhyun's soft voice stopped you. "it has nothing to do with you. believe me when i say that it's not about you."

"then it's about who? us? you don't love me anymore?"

baekhyun sighed, heart breaking just at the mere mention of those words.

"it hurts me that you could even consider that..."

"then tell me the reason!", you said, this time a bit louder, emotion getting the best of you and tears still filling your eyes. "because i've dedicated my whole life to you, and i truly want to keep doing that and making both of our dreams of becoming parents come true. so why won't you let me?"

"exactly because of that", he said, defeated. "because you already did way too much for me. you took care of me, you loved me, held me when i was sick, when i was sad... you did everything when you should be out, living your life while you're young, not here with me. and i'm so grateful for that, please don't ever get me wrong - i love you so, so much it hurts, and i wish i could give you the world in return for all you did. and i feel like i can finally give you at least half of it now, as you're finally working where you've always wanted and being happy. i can't ask you to put that aside now just because i wanna be a dad... i-i just can't."

when baekhyun finally took a deep breath, his tears also started to fall. he had told you before, about the guilt he carried all these years, and you knew it would never pass - no matter how much you tried to reassure him.

"you get so blind trying to protect me sometimes, that you forget to ask me what i want", you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.

getting up from the couch, you walked over to where he was, sitting down on the floor in front of him. baekhyun tried his best not to look at you, as he knew he would lose everything the moment he did - all his composure, all the feelings he was still trying to hold back.

you knew your husband, so you just went as far as laying your head on his knee, eyes focused on his face even though he was probably counting how many books you two had on the shelf as a way to not burst into tears.

"i chose to live with you. i was young, yeah, but i knew what i was doing", you began. "and i've never, ever regretted that choice, not even once. because the love you have for me is exactly like the love i have for you, baek. we're what, 8 years into our relationship now? and i'll never get tired of reminding you that. i love you, i always will. i appreciate the way you try to take care of me, but even though i'm younger than you, i know what i'm doing. so if i say i can have a baby now, then it's because i truly do."

baekhyun closed his eyes for a second, and through his beautiful lashes, more tears fell.

"but what about..."

"don't worry about my job", it was your time to stop him. "i have everything figured out, and i know it's the perfect time for us to try. you were the one who taught me how to be organized and how to make plans. have some faith in me, love..."

"i do", he opened his eyes to look at yours. "i trust you with my life."

"then let's try. let's become parents, put a little baby into this world as a way to tell everyone how much we love each other."

like a baby himself, baekhyun pouted and, suddenly, he crumbled in front of you, crying and sobbing. you quickly got up, sitting on his lap and pulling him in for a hug.

"i love you", baekhyun whispered to you.

"i love you so much", you whispered back. "there's no one in this world i would rather make my dreams come true with."

[sunlighthroughthe-ashes]

this episode was slightly clunky in places, but let me tell you what i loved.

i ADORED the scenes of them alone in baek inhyuk's house — one of the best qualities of a well-made k-drama is how beautifully it can capture the holiness of commonplace events — the "precious intimacy of ordinary things." sunjae drying sol's hair for her is an excellent example — so much love in such a small gesture.

sunjae's ridiculous attempts to get into the guest-room with sol were BEYOND adorable — it's also such a nice touch by the writers to show that despite the otherworldliness and rarity of his love for sol, sunjae is still a 20-year old boy at heart. he does stupid (albeit unbelievably cute) things. and that's okay. that makes him even more endearing.

the entire segment when they're talking in the guest-room while cuddling was heart-touching. sunjae wishing that she never has to go back, that tomorrow never arrives, sol committing his sleeping face to memory because she knows she's going to pretend to leave the next morning. she's going to have to let him go. there's this japanese phrase that's very popular: "mono no aware —" that describes these scenes perfectly. it means the bittersweet beauty of transience.

the moment is full of it — the lovely ache of passing time — because of course tomorrow arrives. it has to. but that doesn't make the memories matter any less, or hold less weight.

it's like the cherry blossoms sunjae sees wilting earlier in the episode — they may bloom only for a moment, but the petals pinken in the mind for months after; still fresh.

that's the melancholy charm of their love.

my heart went out to sol during this episode. she looked happiness in the face and decided to give up even the little time she had left with it, just to save sunjae. she's risking life and limb to protect him, (again), only to have her actions further compound their fate.

greek tragedies (and shakespearean plays) operate on the same principle — it is often the core aspect of your personality, and the best of your intentions; that leads you down the dark road of your destiny. (eg: oedipus, hamlet, etc). in sol's case, this is the selflessness of her love for sunjae, and vice versa. they both spent this episode trying their level best to protect each other. it's not going to end well. (but since this was marketed as a rom-com, i'm hoping the actual ending of the show will be happy.)

also, the way byeon woo-seok's face just crumples when sol runs off the train? the mute agony in his eyes — how his expression just splinters into pieces? it's a masterclass in acting. he genuinely deserves an award for this role.

i am not going to talk about the promo because i have been traumatized enough. i will see you all next monday.

[prettygirl-gabi]

Darl+ling You

Rating: General Audiences

Warning: Fluff, mention of lung surgery, hospital, care giving (mainly from S.coups), recovery, mention of 2521 ( a realistic k-drama that broke me to pieces) Happy ending I swear!!

Category:F/M

Fandom: Seventeen (SVT) (boyband)

Relationships: !Idol-boyfriend S.coups x !f non-idol reader

Summary: You are going through something that is going to be very life changing for you and S.coups, but you try to keep pushing for him, yourself and everyone else.

P.s. this is based off my current experience with being sick, and I just wanted to write about it with one of my comfort idols. S.coups, but mainly all of svt, and a few more kpop groups and idols have been keeping me out of a dark place since I've been diagnosed with my chronic histoplasmosis disease in my left lung.

ScScScScScScScScScScScScScScSc

As you lay in your hospital bed, weak and vulnerable after the lung surgery, S.Coups never left your side. He held your hand tightly, providing comfort through his mere presence when he could be there.

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" S.coups said as he gently brush your wild hair out of the way. You smile softly, yet full of pain that can be seen. "Ugh... I'm in pain but having you here makes it bearable."

S.Coups pout slightly as he puts your hair in a silk bonnet that look brand new. "I'm not going anywhere; I'll be right here with you until you're back on your feet."

Throughout your time together at the hospital, S.Coups took on various roles - caregiver, cheerleader, and confidant. He made sure you, his darling Y/n followed all medical instructions while also showering you with love and affection.

"Ya, Y/n don't forget to take your medication on time; it will help speed up your recovery." He says in a soft tone as he breaks your pill in half so it'll be easier for you to swallow.

You roll your eyes at him with a cheesy grin on your face. "I hate taking pills... but if it means getting better sooner so we can go on that vacation we planned... I maybe can make an exception."

"Exactly! We have so many adventures waiting for us once you're fully recovered... plus I owe you front row seats to our concert that's coming to town soon, and the boys really want to see you." He stated as he sat one the recliner that was in your room.

Slowly as the weeks progressed with you getting better the conversations were filled with laughter, and light banter as you reminisced about past memories; plus shared dreams for the future. You loved how he found a way to take time off... to fly to the hospital that you had surgery at during his busy schedule all for you.

One evening while watching Twenty-five, Twenty-one together; your eyes filled with tears as you thought about the uncertainty of her condition.

Pausing the show, you sit up with tears in your eyes. "What if something goes wrong, Seungcheol?" You asked as you look at the wires and medical machines you were hooked to.. trying to contain the tears that weren't fully out of your eyes. "What...what if it comes back but worse like the doctor said it would if they didn't... they didn't get it all out of me."

S.Coups quckily shushed you and pull you closer into his body as he laid in the hospital bed with you. "Hey, hey, hey darling..don't think like that. You're strong, and we'll get through this together. I love you... Y/n my sweet darling, and I made a promise to you when we made us official, baby. Thorough thick and thin, me and you til the end... princess."

You sighed as you look in his eyes for any tells of him lying to you, but giving in once he kisses the tip of your nose. "I love you too, and I thank you for all that you have done for me while being a busy man for yourself." You say as you try to catch your breath once again for the 3rd time that day.

He just shushed you once more in a caring yet loving way, and turned Twenty-five, Twenty-one back on. "Let's focus on Na Hee-do and Baek Yi-jin for now, yeah." He stated as he wiped your tears and kissed your left temple.

S.Coups' unwavering support and reassuring words provided you with the strength to face your fears head-on. As days turned into weeks, the growth of your health gradually improved, thanks to S.Coups' constant care and encouragement... even with his busy schedule as an idol.

Finally, the day arrived when you were discharged from the hospital. S.Coups couldn't hide his excitement as he helped you and your mom who was also taking rotation shifts with him pack your belongings.

S.Coups pushes you in the wheelchair to the car as he thinks about what he is planning to feed you when your mom isn't feeding you what she has cooked with love for you. "No more hospital food! We can finally enjoy your favorite homemade meals again."

You shook your head with a chuckle as you both reach the car. "And no more uncomfortable beds! I can't wait to sleep in my old yet still cozy bed." You state as you get in your moms freshly cleaned car to head to your childhood home to recover properly, and safely.

You and S.Coups knew that your love had triumphed over adversity, and so much more. The both of you were ready to face whatever challenges life threw your way, knowing that together the both of you could conquer anything, especially with the love, and care you had for each other.

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

Thank you for reading! 🩵🩶

-Mrs.Cody-Song

[khaotunng]

can't believe i'm doing this but. queen of tears post sad ending vignette:

Hyunwoo doesn't know how it happens, or why he cannot simply walk way and live life differently, now that everything is different. Maybe it's just the way he is, the same way he fell in love with Haein without knowing all the important details —or anything at all, to be honest. He is not a stupid man but he is a fool in the way he loves: he is lucky to have found Haein the way he did, and not a placid intern that could never become the love of his life. He just did not expect to keep seeing her brother so often, long after Haein is gone.

During Haein's last month, the one that went by syrupy slow but also way too fast, slipping through his fingers like the warm seasons of his sunny childhood in the fields, Haein sometimes forgot her age, mixed up faces and places and lived in a world that made sense only in her head. She was happy, she said one evening where it was just the two of them watching an old drama, that they had met so young, because this way he could be a good influence on her brother. After a few beats of silence –his heart breaking, splintering, while his hands remained steady as he held her–, he asked her to elaborate, in a roundabout lawyer-like way she would have seen through if she weren't sick.

"Imagine if I'd found you later, after school," she explained. Even when her voice faltered from exhaustion, the tone remained the assured one he knew, the one she'd use to explain why she was actually always right in their playful first year of marriage. "Soocheol needs a good role model."

She mentioned her brother almost as often as Hyunwoo, while others in the family (her mother, her long lost brother) were not forgotten, but perennially out of focus. Hyunwoo was happy that wherever she ended up in her head, he always seemed to be included.

The truth is that a tiny part of him hates seeing Soocheol. It's that side of him capable of hate, of deep-bone exhaustion that buries every good thing deep inside of him until he forgets why he loved in the first place. He hates Soocheol's happiness, his lockscreen showing the last picture his ex sent of Geonu, now less chubby and nothing like his father, he hates the rare moments where, maybe out of desperation, Soocheol says something that makes him think of Haein alive, and not Haein as she was at the end, as she is now. A shadow who loved him.

In Soocheol's eyes, they both made up with Haein before the end, and that's a good thing. He said as much over soju, one rare evening where it was him to witness Hyunwoo getting drunk and not his best friend. But Soocheol speaks of Haein dying happy, of resting in peace, and while Hyunwoo was raised catholic he cannot stand the thought. Haein should be angry at him. She should be alive and blazing brighter than everyone else and he should be trying to win her back. To make it work better the second time around.

(He dreams of surprising her with flowers, of running after her in the rain, of doing it all again from the beginning. Of marrying each other a second time without Haein too weak to walk down the aisle.)

He cannot stop thinking that the Haein he forgave, who forgave him in return, did it all for his sake. She loved him too much to end things differently. The one factor that would make her choose a losing hand was always Baek Hyunwoo, after all.

Today, he meets Soocheol with the intention of it being the last time for a while. They'll have the anniversaries to meet again, after all, and he can always see Soocheol's face on the news while the other fixes the Hongs family reputation one donation at a time (they don't trust him with much else, but Soocheol surprisingly does well when it comes to delivering teary speeches at every charity gala involving kids, or cute seal cubs).

He doesn't expect to see Geonu. Soocheol probably texted him a million times to tell him his son was visiting, but Hyunwoo is working late and sleeping little. The kid hangs from Soocheol's hand and kicks the pebbles as he walks, and he has his mother's eyes. Mother and son have started to look at Soocheol in the same way, a puzzled, pleased blink that betrays fondness.

"Look who's here!!" Soocheol laughs. He doesn't call Hyunwoo uncle to his face, but that's how Geonu refers to him, and Hyunwoo's heart can take it. Mostly.

(If they'd had their baby, would he remember different years before the end? Would she have Haein's face?)

Geonu tries to bow, or maybe crouches down to pick up a good rock. His big head is so close to the ground that Soocheol panics, but just for a moment.

(Haein as a mother.)

A thought: what if he talks to Geonu about his aunt who lives far away. She's in Germany. She has a big company and works all the time but if he behaves, she will bring him the best present ever. She's Hyunwoo's wife but they don't live together because sometimes love is hard and complicated. By the time he'll finish trying to make sense of who they were, Geonu will have moved on to a more interesting game.

He walks towards the entrance of the Hongs mansion and is betrayed by habit, his feet finding the path before his brain. His heart skipping a beat at the promise of memories of her, the house brimming with them until it becomes bearable to enter.

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to Tsunami Creator's Chapter 181

TL;DR - Cale races to the core location. Cale ditches Baek. Cale finds a charger for his droplet tattoos.

The Barrier Problem Woah, this was a tense chapter. Cale and his APs realized that Blood Demon was seriously strong that even HD might have a hard time fighting her. And she was headed Cale's direction instead of paying attention to CH and Sui who were creating distractions.

So Cale was on a race to get to the core. The core was on the highest floor of Heavenward, and had a barrier preventing anyone from entering. Only Blood Demon, the priestess, and a "gatekeeper" could pass through it.

I was nervous throughout this part of the chapter because Raon and Cale couldn't figure out how to destroy that barrier. Cale even threw Baek against the gatekeeper as a distraction. And Blood Demon was getting closer to them, so it was a really urgent situation.

Of course, Cale has plot armor, and he manages to pass through the barrier even though he did not have the authorization to... Why? Because the barrier only allows those who possess the power of a dragon to enter. Raon managed to enter too because he was a dragon. As for Cale, the Water AP power-up he got earlier was the power of a dragon, so I guess the barrier recognized it and let Cale pass through?

Cale Acquires a Charger This was probably the only hilarious part today. Upon grabbing the core, Water AP said that Cale could use it to recharge his droplet tattoos and turn everything back to black, hahaha 🤣🤣🤣 I guess that solves the problem of overusing his ancient powers. Does that mean Cale won't be coughing blood or fainting afterwards? We'll have to see if this charger can destroy the red flags Cale had planted in the past chapters.

Ending Remarks I'm excited to see how Cale will deal with the powerful Blood Demon. Will we see a tsunami? Or will CH beat Blood Demon before she gets to Cale? So many questions, but at least, I'm happy that the author is okay now and can write chapters again. 🥰

[ticklygiggles]

Miya&Mia's Tickletober Day 15 - Babysitter

Seo Hyunsoo x Baek Youngchan

A/N: *screams into the void*

Mentions of sex in this one, but nothing too serious

Ah yes, he was just like a kid. Bubbly and extremely happy and bright. Getting excited over the most stupid of things. Smiling widely without a care in this world. His grown up partner was a kid and he was definitely a babysitter.

And yet, he hated to admit that he enjoyed being Baek Youngchan's babysitter. It didn't matter how many times he denied it and acted like he hated every moment he shared with him; he actually loved spending time with Baek Youngchan and even missed him when he was out of his sight for more than half an hour. 

Though…

"This babysitter is tired," Seo Hyunsoo said, breathing heavily as yet another session of heated sex ended. 

"Hmm?" Baek Youngchan, as bright and full of energy as always, propped his head on his hand and looked at Seo lovingly. "Babysitter? Wait- are you talking about yourself?!" Baek Youngchan broke into loud laughter, collapsing on his back on top of the bed. 

"Yes, I'm talking about myself," Seo said, still a bit breathless and with his cheeks a bit red after hearing Baek's laughter. "You are just like a kid I have to look after!" 

Baek giggled playfully and Seo felt a vein popping on his forehead. He growled and moved forward, swinging a leg across Baek's body to straddle his hips. 

"You are just as annoying as a kid," he growled, but Baek's smile grin widened. "Maybe I should start treating you like one."

Baek arched an eyebrow, "oh? Will you stop having sex with me too?"

Seo halted, his breath hitching and Baek laughed again. 

"You-!" Seo grabbed Baek's sides, making him jump a little, and started squeezing, trying to tickle him. Trying.

Baek Youngchan chuckled, "what are you doing?" Seo's hands moved to his ribs, but Baek simply shifted positions, grinning up at him. 

"Are you not… ticklish?" Seo asked, feeling awkward as he stopped his hands and his cheeks turned red. 

"Hehe, I guess I'm not!" He said, grabbing Seo's waist and making him jump. "Are you, Hyunsoo?" 

Seo Hyunsoo barely had time to understand what was happening before he found himself under Baek Youngchan, his huge hands wrapped around Seo's tiny waist, tickling him gently. 

"I hahahahate yohohou!" He giggled, squirming while trying to cover his mouth and also push Baek off him. "I ahahaham tihihicklihish!" 

Baek chuckled, going for Seo's ribs, making him cackle loudly. "I can see, Hyunsoo. I think the only kid here is you, since you are so ticklish!" 

Seo shook his head, throwing his head back. "Yohohou ahahahare the chihihildihish ohohone!" 

"Sorry, I can't hear you! You are laughing too much!" 

Why did he like this childish bastard so much?!

[manawari]

SOLO LEVELING WEEK

Day 6: Soulmates / Cup of Reincarnation

Based on my recent Soulmate AU.

Her death weighed his heart deeper than the heaviest rock. Everyday, Jin-woo got reminded of her lifeless body in the ground, shattering his soul into tiny pieces. He thought that "soulmates" were not real and all fiction as often seen in movies, but when he met Cha Hae-in and slowly found himself falling for her, Jin-woo accepted that it was real. . . But he did not know how painful it would be once he lost her.

Cha Hae-in became a big part of him. So, she brought along the other half of his soul when she left the world. It was truly the worst part of loving someone.

He gave his heart and fate took it away.

For years, Jin-woo witnessed people age and pass away. Him? He remained young. With the loss of the person he wished to grow old with, left him in a curse called immortality. His sister had passed away and his best friend, Yoo Jin-ho, followed shortly. They had each other. Jin-woo had no one, seeking comfort to his mother, who had lost his dad — her soulmate.

The only way for him to retrieve his mortality was to meet his soulmate and fall in love all over again.

His heart clenched. Just how many years would he have to wait? Jin-woo found no reason to be happy anymore. He was alive, but at what cost?

One day, he reached out to the Rulers and requested them to use the Cup of Reincarnation. Restart the whole world. Bring back the people who were once dead. And most of all, give everyone a second chance.

Jin-woo knew he was not the only one. His mother deserved to be with his father once again. Jin-ah would've loved to see her family whole from the afterlife, and Jin-ho would've wanted him to search for Hae-in. He waited long enough, and it hurt him every day, so it was time for him to search his soulmate all while waiting still.

Short, blonde hair and gentle grey eyes. He remembered her looks as if it was yesterday. Her smile was like a ray of sunlight casting through the shadows, radiating warmth to those in her presence, and her heart — strong and kind, withstood against the worst adversaries and battles in her life, becoming her shield as she fought with her sword. It made it impossible to meet a woman like her again.

Jin-woo swore to never make the same mistake twice.

"I'm not sure if that's really him," Yoon-ho sighed, putting down his glass of soju. "That red hair could belong to anyone. But there were too many people walking past me to even notice closely."

"If your instincts are strong, then it could be Choi Jong-in. Though, it might be that you missed him so much that anyone with red hair would be automatically him." Jin-woo said.

"I've mourned him for years, Jin-woo. Jong-in has never left my mind and I never stopped longing."

Jin-woo frowned at Baek Yoon-ho, who had become his close friend amidst their years of being immortals. "You'll meet him soon, hyung. Dungeons no longer exist in this timeline anymore, it will be easier for us to reunite with our soulmates."

"Well, I wish I have some luck. Hee-jin has already met Eun-seok, yet she doesn't know how to get close to him without making it look weird."

He chuckled. "I'm sure she will figure it out. Ju-hee is in a similar situation and she texts me all the time."

"Of course, it's her first time meeting Byung-gyu. She doesn't know how lucky she is to be his soulmate once he falls for her." Yoon-ho playfully shook his head. "Though, aren't you supposed to be envious?"

"I am. Well, quite. But it's not like I am gonna express it to her, am I? Ju-hee's my friend, and I want her to be happy after all she had been through and without worrying about me."

"Someday, it will your turn to be happy, Jin-woo," Yoon-ho smiled. "Hae-in is probably out there, waiting for you as well."

Jin-woo smiled back and nodded, raising his glass. "And I look forward to yours, hyung."

The two men clicked their glasses together and continued to drink as they chattered.

They soon bid their farewell and went to their respective ways. Even though Yoon-ho was uncertain, Jin-woo was glad that he had caught a glimpse of Jong-in, but if it was someone else, at least it would be a sign. Hee-jin had already crossed paths with her soulmate and Ju-hee as well, and sooner or later, she would return to being a mortal. Jin-woo doubted Byung-gyu would take long to fall in love with her.

His mom? Jin-woo had never seen her so happy.

A few months since the Chalice of Rebirth, Kyung-hye had met Il-hwan when she saw a burning apartment on her way home. One of the firefighters noticed her and escorted her safely through the scene. She told Jin-woo how the feeling was similar to back when they were in their youths.

When he returned home, Jin-woo did not know there was a surprise waiting for him.

"Mom! I'm—"

"Jin-woo!" Kyung-hye greeted him from the kitchen.

Jin-woo paused on the doorway, widening his eyes. "Dad?"

"Huh?" Il-hwan flashed him an odd look.

"Oh! S— sorry!" Jin-woo quickly apologized. "It's— uh, I haven't had someone to consider as a father in years. So seeing you with my mom brings out the feeling."

Il-hwan laughed. "It's okay, young man. I still don't have a kid of my own, so I would've mind treating you like one. I have a co-worker whom I treat the same."

Jin-woo chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "So, I assume you and my mom had dinner?"

"Yes. The food is delicious." Il-hwan smiled. "It makes me question my cooking abilities."

"I'm sure yours taste fine, sir. I hope you'll come by here next time."

"Thank you, Jin-woo," Il-hwan ruffled the younger man's hair and walked past him, heading to the door.

Jin-woo watched him leave over his shoulder. Warmth lingered in his chest. Shorter hair fit his dad better, it made him look more human rather than a "Vessel". Kyung-hye finished washing the dishes when he approached the table, seeing the meal she had prepared, causing his stomach to growl.

"Your father visited moments ago," said Kyung-hye. "And he brought flowers!"

Jin-woo let out a grin. "It seems you are becoming a mortal, mom. Dad likes you, which is weird since I'm your child."

Kyung-hye chuckled. "Oh, just think of it as witnessing the love story between your parents, son. So, have you met Hae-in?"

"No. . . "

"I'm sure you'll meet her one day," Kyung-hye made her way toward him and craned his head down to plant a kiss on the side of his head. "Don't give up."

"I've been an immortal for so long, I should be used to waiting forever, but seeing how others finally reuniting with their soulmates makes me feel. . . Lost."

"Jin-woo. . . "

"I know, mom. I have to hold on for a bit longer." Love takes patience. Jin-woo reminded himself. But how was it that he had been patient since forever and he was still yearning?

"So, you were walking out of your apartment when a robber rushed in and snatched your bag?"

"Yes, sir."

"And do you know what the robber looked like?"

"No, sir. He wears a black hoodie and a mask. Oh! He has spikey purple hair too!"

"Okay, miss. We'll just check the surveillance cameras on this block and get right on to it." Woo Jin-chul nodded. "Let's go, Sung."

Jin-woo followed suit, and then suddenly, something caught the corner of his eye. His steps abruptly stopped and he whirled his gaze across the street, eyeing the people strolling around until a particular individual sparked his senses. Golden locks of short hair and an athletic build, carrying a gym bag on her shoulder as she headed to the stairway that led to the train station.

Without a fleeting thought, Jin-woo dashed across the road, not caring about the green light.

"Oi! Detective Sung!"

He ignored Jin-chul's shout as he went to the same path she — Hae-in — took, squeezing through the crowd and brushing off their complaints at him. Other people was the least of his worry because what mattered most was reaching the girl whom he had waited for his entire life.

Don't let her disappear, Jin-woo.

You've waited for this. For her.

She's alive!

Feet squeaked against the floor and Jin-woo looked around through the throng of people in frantic. The second he spotted her again, he dashed and politely shoved people blocking his way, muttering his apologies and thanks despite their cold glares.

At last, he finally reached her. Jin-woo extended his hand and caught her wrist. It was as if the world turned slow, noises stopped, and the only vivid thing he could see was her face. . . Beautiful, soft, and young. Just like the Cha Hae-in he had always known and loved. For once, his heart paused its beating, similar to the way the flowers bloom as the sun glazed down, setting life and beauty throughout the things it touched.

"Uh. . . Do I know you?" Hae-in asked.

"Hi." Jin-woo let out a smile amidst his panting. He let go of her wrist. "I just came to say hi."

She blinked. "Okay. . . ?"

Seeing the discomfort in her eyes, Jin-woo quickly made his next move. "You're Cha Hae-in, right? The celebrity athlete."

"Yeah. . . I am."

"I'm a big fan of you. And— I apologize for catching up on you like this."

"No, it's fine. You seem nice." Hae-in smiled.

Jin-woo's heart swelled. He ducked his head bashfully as if he was a little kid meeting a girl for the first time. Hearing her voice again was like listening to music — his favorite music; the way she warmed up to him after knowing his intentions showed how kind and approachable she actually was.

"May I know your name is?"

Butterflies swarmed and his eyes lit up. "Sung Jin-woo."

And that was the beginning of another love story.

[wannaeatramyeon]

So you write for Seongjoon huh?😏

I have a request for him (I love him so much!!)

His s/o breaking up with him but not because he was a Yakuza member but because of something else, maybe something related to his ex gf and him trying to get back together with reader.

I love angst to fluff🥰

Thanks in advance !!

Black anon

Listen, I promise I read over pretty thoroughly every ask I get. Then I go away, start writing, thinking yes yes this is it. Then come back and read over the ask again and realise I've barely hit the mark.

Baek Seongjun x Reader: Broken

You were there to put back the pieces after Hwang Hye-yeon.

You could never blame her. You would have done the same thing in her place, assumed the same motives.

But it's unfortunate that you find yourself loving a man so irrevocably damaged. You're not even sure if he has a heart. Maybe he had one that was fragmented and splintered and never put back whole again, maybe it was never there in the first place.

You made do with the pieces that you had. Cutting yourself, willingly let yourself bleed on his sharp edges. Painstakingly pouring your love and adoration and devotion into this task. Giving him all of yourself.

Sometimes you would find him staring off into the distance, his mind and thoughts a world away from you. These moments he shuts himself off from everything and everyone.

Sometimes he treats you like you're the only human in the world, the only one he sees.

You take the good with the bad. The shards still finds itself under your skin. Finds your doubts and insecurities.

.

.

Seongjun comes homes to you with your bags packed. You had nothing else to give. What else was there to say? What else could you do?

Out of everyone, he had never expected you to give up. His rock, his anchor. He had taken for granted that you would always be there.

Your dedication to him had always been easy to see. Why had he never shown you the same courtesy? Why does he find it so difficult to wear his heart on his sleeve - to show you what you truly mean to him?

To show how hard it is, how frustrating that he couldn't bring himself to bare everything to you. That his past and his true self is a monster, that he couldn't handle the rejection if you knew.

His tears surprise you both. He approaches you and murmurs promises into your hair. That he thinks he could make you happy.

That you make him feel honourable again, like someone he used to be.

(Who did he used to be? You didn't know. He never let you in.)

He wraps his arms around your waist. Clinging on, willing you to stay in his life.

"I love you. I'm trying."

The words hits you like a gut punch.

"Will that be enough?"

You look into his eyes. Beneath the tears, you see a new-found clarity and steely determination.

"Everything I am belongs to you."

Your breath hitches at the admission.

The days and nights you have spent with him, the scars you have formed. What's another chance.

.

.

He lays every part of himself before you.

The puzzle of Baek Seongjun becomes easier now you can see the whole picture. His worst fears are never realised. You stay by his side.

Slowly. Piece by piece. Together, you mend his heart.

For the first time in a long time, Seongjun finally feels it: happiness.

[iris-sistibly]

EPISODE 15 AND YOON EUN-SEONG IS STILL A FUCKING BITCH

📍I delayed watching this episode and even spoiled myself because I knew that Eun-seong pretending to be Hae-in's man 🤮 will make my blood boil. It did...as always, but I just find it very funny that he would go as far as twisting the truth but wouldn't pay attention to the smallest of details. Up until now, he still underestimates Hae-in and her capability to notice even the smallest things. I'll still hold on to my prediction about his fate however.

📍I just love that the people around Baek Hyun-woo really rallied and worked together to help him clear his name and ultimately get out of prison 🥹 But the best part was Mama Hong offering support to Mama Baek by holding her hand was just heartwarming during the trial scene--THEY REALLY ARE BESTIES NOW.

📍Aunt Beom-ja's confession scene reminded me of Kang Mo-yeon's (Song Hye Kyo) confession being heard by everyone in Descendants of the Sun and it was freaking hilarious, Soo-cheol teasing his aunt made it funnier.

📍It kills me that Secretary Na could have divulged everything to Hae-in in a snap, but then again I couldn't blame her. If Eun-seong finds out that she broke the NDA she would have lost her job and got sued, and she doesn't have the money and status for that. I do however like that she just went with the flow with Hae-in stalking Hyun-woo and let her discover the truth herself.

📍HONG SOO-CHEOL IS A BABY NO MORE!!! He really did take his lessons seriously and his hard work finally paid off. This just means that he doesn't have to hide under mommy's skirt to protect his family, he's perfectly capable of doing that.

📍Hae-in making sure that there will be something for her to remember Hyun-woo is EVERYTHING!!! Even if she was mean to him at first, she really found ways to remind herself who the love of her life was...and the universe turned to her favor.

📍It's no surprise that Eun-seong would attempt to kill Hyun-woo because he's obsessed with Hae-in, but I feel like the guy who "pulled" Hae-in out was someone from BaekHong's side. Perhaps the people Papa Hong hired to follow Hae-in around?

📍*SIGH* I can't believe that there is only one episode left and BaekHong's story will be finally put to an end. I still hope that this is going to be a happy ending but seeing the teaser for the finale, I'm kinda having doubts. I will probably stop watching Park Ji-eun's shows for a long time if this doesn't end the way we all hope to. I'm waiting for the final episode but my final commentary will most likely be posted tomorrow, so let's see if I'd cry of happiness, or ugly cry while writing a long-ass rant.

[aphrodite1288]

FIRST AT ALL I'M SO HAPPY WITH KYUNGSOO FREEDOM

All dananies are saying that they were right when they said that Kyungsoo was leaving the company and exol (not all of them) were wrong when saying that it was because Kyungsoo didn't want to have promotions (you already talked about that topic here), and they compare it with the treatment the other members have had (tbh if there has been a difference), I suppose they still want to see Soo without exo when is SM fault, i mean, Baek did the same as Soo now, and just like the other members according to ddnies, he had the "properly promotions"... either way exo remains in WE ARE ONE.

I know most of crazy dandans ( the crazy ones not all but the Akgaes) are gonna hate me for that but I don't like them anyways. So I'm not here to impress anyone.

Seriously when Ksoo broke off from his Silent Introvert character and WANTED HIMSELF FROM HIS OWN HEART TO CHANGE, HE DID! When he wanted to explore the world more bcz he found out he missed out on a lot of fun stuff he should have done during his early 20s but never tried bcz he was so shy and traumatized from the Starship and fans and sasaengs..when he learned that not all fans are bad and that some really are nice and love him.. and when he finally learnt that it's not that hard to do an Aegyo and that it won't make him any less of a manly man! And when he learnt that his very chill introverted complex Mysterious character he was adopting bcz SM told him so so that he would be liked by Movie producers bcz they like the mature mysterious charismatic image of idols instead of funny fun talkative flower boys,.. When he learnt to enjoy himself and try new things and go more on variety shows,

He did it..

SM let him, they never stopped him and you can see how he changed. Even his dress style went from boring grandpa style to Sexy Zaddy. I feel like he regretted being too serious and shy in his best ages of his life aka the 20s and he found out he messed out on a lot of fun things that he should've done longtime but now it ain't the age for it because somehow this is the age he's supposed to be more mature and calm he kinda flipped it out , but good he finally discovered this fun sexy non shy daring funny side of himself on camera, and he worked a lot on his persona and his stage and variety show entertainer presence, and he found out people liked him for that! He got more recognition and people just started to get to know him and he gained more fans, and guess what?? HE LIKED IT!

It's when HE WANTED to change that HE CHANGED. You can see that part of him not appearing on any variety shows or promotions was somehow also his decision or character, now that he asked for Variety shows and solo Albums and Promotions...He got it 💁🏻 Did anyone stop him?

But again of course SM also played a huge role in this. But he's one of SM's favorites just like Baek, and for the favorites they don't sabotage them ! They "TAME" them unfortunately that's the term they use. But for the ones they don't care about such as Chanyeol or Jongdae they sabotaged them by spreading false 10 girlfriends Cheating scandals and letting fans boycott Jongdae in front of SM and boycott his activities and promotions and forcing Jongdae to go enlist without doing anything to protect him. You should get the difference, if Ksoo or Ji or Baek ask for promotions albums projects etc.. they'll get it NOT EASILY though! But easier than the other members. So that's the small difference so once he wanted to be on shows and have actual promotions he got them. And you can see it.

For Ksoo they wanted him to be Mysterious they built him a persona and an Aura he was supposed to stick by it but what they didn't know is that he can't do that forever duh?!

At the End of the Day : Fuck SM.