#I'm sorry I watch a lot of video essays on YouTube

[douwatahima]

sorry to invoke james somerton again but i just watched his "apology" video and the way he addresses the criticism to his utena video has been scratching at my brain. for this who don't want to watch (which is so so fair), here's what he says:

"we ended up making a lot of videos we didn't want to make because people were asking for them and so there were a lot of videos we made that we didn't want to make and i think those videos are very clear on which ones those were. one of them never got officially released, it was released to patrons. some patrons have shared it to other people before all the videos went private and a lot of people hate the analysis nick and i did on it and so maybe it's good that that never got properly released because maybe it would have hurt people and i don't want that."

so, not directly saying he's talking about the utena video…but he's talking about the utena video lol. the thing that really gets me is like…look. full disclosure. i used to be subscribed to james somerton long before this whole thing blew up. i wasn't necessarily a big fan of his video style, but he talked about a lot of media i enjoy and i liked his analysis (that wasn't really his, but i didn't know that at the time) so i followed him.

the thing about him was he was always asking his followers for shows he should do videos on, especially anime, and then not long after making those posts he would post videos of "things to come" including like…every anime people suggested. not all of these shows ended getting videos made, but the point is james really set himself up as the queer anime video essayist; constantly promising videos about every show people told him they wanted.

and a lot of people loved that about him! a lot of the big names talking about anime on youtube are people doing season by season breakdowns or people talking about big shonen titles, and here was someone consistently pushing out long form analyses on less talked about shows! great! but to find out that not only was a lot of what he said plagiarized, but also that a lot videos were just shat out to appeal to his audience without any care or passion? just to get more views and more money on patreon? that's literally crazy when you're talking about something usually as involved as video essays.

on top of that i'm about 95% certain him doing an utena essay was a patreon tier goal (hence why that video was released there first). he literally heard queer anime fans asking him en masse for a video about one of the best queer anime of all time, decided to set it as a patreon goal, and then literally boxed himself into doing a video on an anime he didn't care about because he promised it to the people who payed him to be the "queer anime guy".

and the thing is he 100% didn't need to do that. he didn't need to "make a lot of videos he didn't want to make because people were asking for them". i follow a ton of video essayists who get requests for videos all the time! that doesn't mean they have to, or even should, make them if they're not passionate about the topic! video essays, when actually done well and with integrity, are hard work. that's why most good video essayists take a lot of time between videos! to think that this guy just took every possible suggestion, dangled them like carrots in front of his audience, that made a bunch of passionless, mediocre videos to solidify his station as the queer video essayist to watch is just…upsetting and disheartening tbh.

anyway if you want some actually good analysis of revolutionary girl utena, my favourites are "is revolutionary girl utena still relevant?" and "why revolutionary girl utena still slaps" by stushi, and "the shadow play gays" podcast (note: this podcast is run on the same feed as another podcast called "bitter jurors". you may have to scroll back a bit to find "shadow play gays", it started in 2021 if that helps, but i promise you it's worth it).

[wildpeachfarm]

See the thing is with streaming its going to die regardless, yes companies handing out less contracts is killing it further but its already dying at a fast rate? I'm not a stream hater either btw I really enjoy them but like. For example. 2020, 2021? When school was remote and I only ever worked mornings because of covid hours? I was clocked into that Philza 8hr stream DAILY. I was scheduling my classes around those streams so I could do homework while listening/watching. Went as far as to use my monthly speaking privilge to ask Phil what date British Daylight Savings began so I could keep my schedule clear. The second everything was no longer remote, and store hours went back to normal, I maybe caught 2, 3, maybe 4 streams in that year before I decided enough was enough about QSMP and I LOVE hardcore content.

From a company standpoint I can see why YT may not be interested in handing out streamer contracts anymore. Like Dreamie and a few others they're recognizing the Covid Number Boom is over- but unlike Dreamie, because theyre a corporation, they can't just "stick it out" and "recelebrate milestones". They have a "bottom line" to protect and they're not getting that same sweet sweet ad revenue from streams because of decreased viewer counts. Esp bc people don't just go back and watch vods unless there's a REAAAALLY good reason to. So no ad viewership there either. They're going to go back to relying on videos (and unfortunately probably shorts as well, I hate the tiktok-ification of every socmed site) to keep their ad revenue up, especially with the battle of ad blockers. I see more ad and monitization deals being handed out.

With streams (bc vod watching is lowkey practically nonexistant) not being in high demand bc of time constraints (happening while busy, timezones issues) the demands for videos will be higher as videos are ALWAYS readily available. Someone uploads at midnight your timezone? I mean it'll be there when you wake up, you won't have "missed" anything like you would have a livestream. Get a video schedule set out and you're GOLDEN- the first thing I do when I get home from work is check if a handful of youtubers have uploaded to put on to watch. If not, I rewatch some of my fav vids.

Also psychologically I actually think this is for the better of all CCs as a whole. Streaming, esp for some of the hourly requirements some of these ppl either HAVE to hit to get paid or WILLINGLY put themselves through (Tubbo) you have to wear your persona the ENTIRE time. You have to make sure you don't slip up that ENTIRE time. You have to be entertaining the ENTIRE time. You have to filter yourself because it's all live. To me this just sounds like what I do on a daily basis masking my audHD and that shit is so tiring and it's why I could NEVER be a streamer. If you're recording videos you can control what goes out. You don't have to wear whatever persona you decide to put on for 8hrs for a stream, you can record 3 hours of footage and then be done for the day, and that can either be one video or multiple depending on a lot of factors. Accidentally say your mom's name? Cut the clip. Bit isn't funny? Cut the clip. They will still have to actively filter themselves yes but for a much less amount of time. In the end CCs will have a lot more mind power that they're not using up to take care of themselves. I genuinely think it's psychologically better for them all.

It's unfortunate that the streaming industry is going to collapse this way. But also seeing how the communities heavily affected by streaming are more drama filled than communities w/o streaming, I'm lowkey hoping it's for the best. Pulling the plug like this imo is a mercy kill.

And now I'm gonna wash my mouth out for all that corporate speak I just used. Sorry for the manifesto. And if someone wants to put this manifesto on reddit idc just crop/block any usernames IG

I appreciate the essay-andy-ing these are interesting thoughts! I don't think the streaming scene will collapse entirely but I do think that it will become more advantageous to be a youtuber because people have found that to be the most consistent for many years as a CC rather than streams which require a lot of additional things (like you mentioned)

And I feel like we are seeing quite a few people say they're going to prioritize youtube more in the future which seems to be the beginning of that transition

I am curious if twitch will ever try to keep certain big-viewer streamers on the platform with 'kick-style' ($$$$) contracts.

[bogkeep]

of course i've seen the new hbomberguy vid, me and half the internet, and honestly a lot about it - Especially the ending section - was very validating to me. cathartic even. for Personal Reasons

i can't relate to the urge to plagiarize anything. i actually have a lot of anxiety around accidentally taking credit for something i didn't do - not even in a noble way as much as an autism+ocd combo way. i even think one of the big reasons i decided to not continue in academia was because i found writing academic essays a huge struggle, with all the material i had to read and cite and i just didn't know what to claim as my own thoughts or not and how to assign credit properly. just a big anxiety minefield hahaha.

it's a lot like, cheating at a contest? why would you do that? where's the joy in winning something unfairly? it proves nothing!

and in the case of somerton specifically, it's like, there's an audience for people who just want to rant about their hangups and pet peeves, there's an audience for people who want youtubers and streamers to just read reddit posts and even wikipedia articles, these are things that are perfectly acceptable to do! you literally just need to be honest about it! although that's probably not a consideration when you're doing a grift. what do i know.

while i can't Relate... i have some experiences. the timing of the topic is pretty good, since it coincides with this vague area of time i consider my traumaversary - when i finally broke off from a person who relentlessly copied everything about me. (the fact that i was able to watch all four hours of the video without spiraling even Once feels pretty good!! healing babeyy)

yeah sorry im just traumaposting again. my trauma is a little brain gremlin that likes to go IM UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN NOT ABOUT ME??? and i gotta be like hush little painsqueak let me sing you to sleep before you wake up everyone else

anyway,

i can't claim to know why they did what they did. i don't even know if it was on purpose. i don't think it would help me to know. it certainly wasn't a grift for money - but i suppose i had other things they craved. attention, respect, not being stuck in a swamp of self loathing. i'm sure Being Me must've seemed like an easy way of attaining all those things. or maybe just The way, easy or not.

like, what DO you do when you don't know what else to do?

what hbomb said towards the end, that it's hard to be human and we have no instructions for it... it really did line up a lot with my experience. a lot of the video felt eerily familiar to me, in fact. i have met this genre of person.

i just wish they had plagiarised my art and nothing else. i think that would've been easier to heal from.

[sweetmariihs2]

List of inspirations that I noticed in ✨️The Amazing Digital Circus✨️

an almost-essay (PART 1)

When I watched the first episode for the first time I started to notice several similarities to other subjects that I also like and know, other fandoms and popular things on the internet, and I soon thought about sharing them on Tumblr (which I'm doing now).

I know there will be things that other people have noticed that will be missing from the blog, but I will try to include all the things that I remember recognizing at that moment. Feel free to share them, though!

I don't know the formal names of some things I'm gonna mention, and also my english It's not the best, I'm trying to practice my writing <3

I'll have to divide this blog into two parts because Tumblr doesn't support more than 10 images per blog. grrgrrgr I really wanted to put everything together but I can't. At the end of the blog I will put a link to part 2 and you can continue reading [when i finish the part 2 of course]

1 - Popee the Perfomer

Popee the Performer is a low-budget animation made in 2000, at the time when 3d animation was still a new technology. It's a collection of shorts and they talk about three circus performers' interactions. People found this on the internet in 2021 and they started a new fandom on top of it. What makes this show talked about it's the disturbing situations the characters put themselves through. There are a lot of violent scenes and sometimes the characters die by the end of the episode, but when we go to the next one they're just alive again, and that makes us question if they are living stuck in an eternal loop with no way of getting out of that small circus setting.

The 3d is pretty simple, mostly because it's old, but that makes me think about the connections between PTP and TADG are the aesthetics, the whole "disturbing adult cartoon about serious topics with a children's colorful aesthetic" thing, and also those connections with the Nintendo 64 graphics. I'M GONNA MENTION IT TOO!!

And a part of this fandom also it's part of Raggedy Ann and Andy's fandom. They were pretty close in 2021.

2 - Raggedy Ann And Andy

Ragatha, next one

I'm kidding there's more

Their fandom started around 2021 because the YouTube algorythm just decided that it was time to recommend a video about Raggedy Andy to EVERYONE! And that's how I discovered them too <3 (I WAS THEREEE I WAS THERE). Andy got the main focus and he was everyone's dream boyfriend lol

Also that's completely unrelated but I wanted to say that I'm one of the people whose video was recommended to everyone through YouTube algorythm and helped the fandom to grow even more (I'm so proud of myself guys I'm sorry awnqbehdjwndbwjdnh)

I believe that if that first video that helped me (and more people) to discover them were never recommended to us, maybe Ragatha wouldn't even have that design!! It's alright that Ann is a doll from the 1900s, but the whole "Raggedy Ann And Andy" thing wasn't a fandom topic, they were just normal ragdolls and they were recognized only by grannies and "the anabelle doll" (this one makes me pissed)

3 - Nintendo 64 (and old 3d art)

And this recognition that it is a fandom united this subject to other famous fandoms, leading to the same audience, and this audience is also TADG's audience. I'll talk more about this at the end of the blog! (Edit: Part 2 of the blog. *silently cries*)

And there's this blog:

That low budget 3d aesthetic it's turning really popular recently. I'm not much of an expert on the subject since I don't know much about games, but I recognize it from the old graphics and my biggest reference is Mario 64. There's a good explanation for it being so popular, I have a theory that it's related to liminal spaces, but I'm not sure. Still, it's worth mentioning.... and also that bubble character really looks like chain chomp!!

They're besties

4 - liminal spaces (backrooms and the "dreamcore" aesthetic)

happy balloons because the backrooms scare me (i hate it)

I think if you're on Tumblr it's very likely that you already know what the backrooms are. A part of our reality, but outside of it. There are floors and floors of eternal levels, where you wander in the same place and don't go anywhere. As if you had broken the matrix and were trapped outside, in a bug. This has become very popular on the internet and it's interesting that it is being used as inspiration for creating a show.

Furthermore, there was also the popularization of aesthetics such as dreamcore, traumacore and weirdcore, which consist of images that look like they came out of a dream. Things that you recognize, but don't know where they came from, like a deja vu, which makes you uncomfortable. It's extremely linked to the backrooms, since it's the same feeling. Many of the images are things that take us back to childhood, to the past, but they are not right, as if they were corrupted. Old 3D is also used a lot to make some of these images, like the example I gave of the Nintendo 64. The fandoms are all interconnected!

In this whole concept they also like to be inspired by childhood characteristics, such as old images of toys, empty birthday parties, playgrounds, and it also takes us to that famous sensation on the internet that I don't remember the name of, but it is basically feeling afraid of a place where people should be going, but they aren't. Abandoned places. The fear of being alone. All those topics revolve around each other. They makes us question abour reality, "do I even exist?" (I know I do, but writing characters that way and exploring the possibilities is kinda nice)

I know a brazillian youtuber that made a good video about it, her name is Replai and in the video she talks about how Poppy Playtime's art was made, but I know that most of the people reading this don't know how to speak in portuguese so... yeah. It's a good video.

5 - Children's aesthetics (but something's off)

This gif speaks for itself. It's that traumacore/dreamcore/weirdcore thing that I was talking about.

Still talking about that empty feeling of knowing that something it's familiar but don't knowing where it came from, childhood memories can be related to this, as they are vague, distant and sometimes carry a feeling of sadness. I'm not a great expert on the subject, but somehow the way that's explored scares us, I know there's a good explanation on the internet. This reminds me of the reason why people are afraid of clowns: they wear this fixed smile on their face and try to appear friendly, but it's this frozen, empty expression that leaves us afraid that there are other intentions underneath. And the fact that they are so related to childhood and children's innocence makes us fearful, because we don't know if they can do any harm to them. (of course, this all happens subconsciously, you don't think about it that way but your brain activates this instinct of fear) (not you YOU, people with that phobia)

I refuse to believe that these things are not interconnected. There is a strange feeling that can be explored from this childish aesthetic and connection to childhood.

Many media are using this aesthetic as part of their stories, especially horror ones. Five Nights At Freddy's was a pioneer, exploring this in the early 2010s, and then there were other franchises like Poppy Playtime, Bendy And The Ink Machine, other FNAF games (and there are also discoveries of things that do this unintentionally and that were created before this popularization, like Popee the Performer. In music we also have great examples like Melanie Martinez's old albums, during the Cry Baby era. There are also other aesthetics who like to explore this childlike-creepy vibe, and they're a little unrelated to all this stuff, like Morute/Dollcore). Whenever I talk about this I remember FNAF SB Daycare, as it is the result of all these topics we have talked about so far. The Security Breach DLC "Ruin" decided to explore this fear of empty, abandoned places, but which once had happy children walking through the corridors. This feeling is very scary.

Do you remember when I gave clowns as an example? The circus is also a way to explore this scary+childhood feeling. A place where there should be lots of games, but which only causes fear, as in the case of those scary clowns. It's quite common in the media for the circus to be used as a focus of terror, however in the internet version we were talking about just now, it doesn't have to be directly a horror circus, just feeling that childish sensation and feeling that something is wrong is enough. Enough to make us feel uncomfortable. It's like the characters were suffering, but they can't scream for help, and it's a disorted vision of how a circus should look like. Hi Pomni!!

The Daycare Attendant also explores that.

6 - Bendy and Fnaf (for the same reasons I already told you all, but one more)

Jax it's Bendy's and William Afton's lost son. We don't need no DNA test.

(I'm obviously just kidding btw, his design was probably inspired by them, MOST ESPECIALLY BENDY and maybe the Cheshire Cat from Alice because of his smile??? Idk)

stay tuned for part 2 <3

[dearweirdme]

I have concrete evidence--not even concrete, more like steel reinforced BRICKwork with scaffolding support level of evidence that Taekook isn't real. Okay, like I promise I'm not a Kookminer. I'm really not. My bias is actually Suga and I used to like Yoongmin so I have no dog in this fight BUT---

I accidentally watched five Kookjiminie videos on YouTube and I saw something that now has me questioning; was Taekook ever real !?? In these videos (I wish I could find them but I can't sorry and they seem to have disappeared from my YouTube history) but I noticed a disturbing pattern. In one of these video clips, I noticed that Jimin's husband, Jungkook, blinked three times in a row at Jimin and only two times in a row at Taehyung and that's when I knew, Taekook was over. This might surprise some people who don't know me but I actually studied Body Language Language to an FBI level and I specialised specifically in Blinkage and Morse Code of The Eye. I have attended every YouTube tutorial video in that free online course so I can assure you my skills are legit.

Don't get me wrong. I do think Taekook dated when they were like 17 or something but then I also think Taehyung's soulmate and Tae's boyfriend fell in love with each other and just couldn't help but have an affair or maybe Tae and Jimin's lover, Jungkook, broke up and then Jimin decided to swoop in then and steal his soulmate + best friend's ex boyfriend because hoes before bros and dates before soulmates, right?

I know it might seem like I ship Jiminie❤️Kookie but I swear on my mother's grave that I don't. I'm actually more of a Jihopie shipper but listen, I grew up in an orphanage since birth and I've never had any family but myself so even before I became an expert Body Language expert, I knew better than anyone how to observe people's intentions and I hate (honestly I HATE) to say this but I think the real ship might be JiminKook4eva. I really do. I swear on my father's life that I don't ship it but I can't deny it that there's a LOT of evidence that they got married in Japan.

They were both in Japan for a start.

I know I probably won't convince you and I'm honestly not here to try to but I've got five more essays lined up about why you should listen to me and believe what I'm saying and stop shipping Taekook because let's be real, Taehyung has literally said that he hates it--and I know some people think he was talking about the fan fantasising about Jimin's life partner, Jungkook, but that's only one interpretation so he literally hates it.

Please, please listen to me for some reason. I don't really know what that reason is because I swear I'm not a J+M+RingFinger=JikookieMarried shipper at all!!

Just listen to me because you're going to be sorry and crying if you don't when you read my 10900 word dissertation of PURE concrete evidence with compiled pictures, videos, fanart and fan theory that I have attached to this ask. I used an AI program to help me put this portfolio together so obviously, you know that it's legit and 100% correct (Hopefully the attachment shows up but if not then I think it sadly might have disappeared with the YouTube videos)

Lots of love from ~Turn the V upside down and you get A for ARMY~ xx

Omg anon… you totally opened my eyes!

[honey-dont]

@umlexis sorry for writing a whole essay about stex pfjslk i love trains <3

so the basic plot is engines from all the world are coming together to compete to see who will be the new champion and rusty the underdog steamer wants to enter to prove that steam is still relevant and also impress his crush. things go off the rails (pun intended). the main antagonists are elvis, a nonbinary bisexual drag queen in a polycule, and a trucker-slash-clown-slash-conman. train god is there. a brick gets thrown into the audience.

stex originated in london and ran there from 1984-2001, but there's a revival happening next summer! it's also been running in germany since 1988 in a special custom-built theater (i got to see it there last spring it was so so cool<3), so there were 2 separate versions of the show happening at the same time for a while. it's also been through MULTIPLE rewrites, the most recent was in 2018. there's supposed to be a new cast recording for the update coming out soon and i'm just. staring impatiently.

a lot of videos/recordings got scrubbed recently which is honestly such a bummer, pour one out for the 1988 bochum concept album </3

ENGLISH RECORDINGS:

the 1984 original london cast recording is a good place to start imo! it's not a full recording so there are some bits of the story missing, but the actors are all fantastic

the 1987 music & selections album is actually not a cast recording, it's just contemporary artists singing (modified) songs from the show, but i still enjoy it a lot

the 1993 new starlight london cast recording is for the 'new starlight' show rewrite in 1990. also not a complete recording but it has some of my favorite versions of the songs! the stretch from freight to crazy is just chef's kiss

GERMAN RECORDINGS:

the 1989 bochum cast recording is a complete recording, a lot of the songs on the internet archive are out of order/mislabeled tho :(

the 1991 bochum cast recording is also not a complete recording, has some versions of songs that aren't on any other recordings

the 2013 bochum cast recording is a full recording of the show! it's in german and just fantastic all around. it got scrubbed from youtube a few years ago sadly but the internet archive still has it

SPANISH RECORDINGS:

the 1997 mexico city cast recording isn't a full recording and the quality isn't a bit crunchy, but it's still good! there was supposed to be a professionally released album but it never happened :(

the 2000 amateur spanish cast recording is also not a full recording but tbh it slaps and the quality is great

-

this channel on youtube has clips from various versions of the show that's a good place to start watching! i also have a pretty big boot collection so you're free to shoot me a message if you want any :)

posting some misc vids i like a lot too!

[feydfuckernation]

Lion I was singing Joanna from Sweeney Todd cuz I’ve been hearing the josh groban version all over tiktok and now I’m contemplating fully getting into it. Where do I start??

(insert public apology for using boomer meme templates to get the point across)

would that i had finished the deranged comic sans powerpoint 101 for sweeney todd by now i would link it here but as it is it still needs a lot of work before i'm even remotely comfortable posting it hOWEVER that doesn't mean i can't still be of some assistance

(disclaimer: i am about to throw a LOT of information at you and you are by no means obligated to try and digest it all at once please instead do so at your leisure/your level of interest instead)

sweeney todd 101 cliffnotes version for people who want to get into sweeney todd by someone who is way too invested in this show

sorry to anyone who doesn't like the office this is the only cold open that matters to me in this particular stage of life rn

so for those who aren't already familiar with sweeney todd (or have a passing familiarity with it either via sweeney todd related tiktok content or other similarly related content consumption) one of the first things i would recommend starting with is the 2007 tim burton film since it's a pretty good place to start (and also easily one of the best film adaptations of a musical imo). you can find it on hbo max or on youtube for 3.99 if you don't have and/or want to pay for an hbo max subsciption. (you can also 🏴‍☠️ it because capitalism sucks. remember to sail the seven seas* responsibly!)

johnny depp and helena bonham carter in sweeney todd (2007) dir. tim burton

now if you're interested in other productions (and/or not particularly interested in the film) there's the 2014 half concert half staged proshot starring emma thompson as mrs. lovett and christian borle as pirelli that you can find on youtube for FREE (here is a link to act one and another link to act two AND a link to the opening on it's own because it is absolutely PHENOMINAL i genuinely can't recommend it enough).

emma thompson and welsh opera singer sir byrn terfel jones in sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street in concert 2014

there is also the original 1982 proshot starring some of the original cast such as angela lansburry (unfortunately len cariou, the original sweeney does not reprise his role BUT george hearn does a phenominal job in the role). you can find this one on amazon for 3.99 to rent or it and a plethora of other musical proshots on BroadwayHD for 11.99/mo but unless you're interested in watching other musicals and plays on BroadwayHD i would suggest renting it on amazon or 🏴‍☠️ it for free if you know where to look (i honestly don't know what pirating musicals looks like outside of yt bootlegs and i am still very very new to actual bootleg trading so you'd have to ask someone else)

the late dame angela lansburry and george hearn in the 1982 proshot version of sweeney todd

and finally, my personal favourite, the 2023 broadway revival. unfortunately we only have five singles that have (officially) been released (which you can find here on spotify) but we also have the official ballad of sweeney todd performace from this year's tony awards AND there IS a way to watch it if you are like me and can't afford to fly to new york and see it at the lunt-fontanne theater (just dm me for the details). this is quite possibly my favourite version of this story and if great comet wasn't already an indicator that josh groban is a great fit for broadway this DEFINITELY is imo.

josh groban and annaleigh ashford in the 2023 broadway revival of sweeney todd that i am definitely very normal about

other recommendations include sideway's video essay on the music in sweeney todd, christine baranksi's version of worst pies in london (and her criminally underrated version of a little priest with kelsey grammar in a 20th anniversary concert version that i would give my left kidney to see in full), imelda staunton and michael ball's version of a little priest from a 2012 revival, patti lupone as mrs. lovett playing the tuba in the stripped down 2005 broadway revival, lin manuel miranda's sweeney todd themed hamilton parody for broadway cares featuring the funniest jonathan groff cameo i've seen in my life (and the recent ham4ham version performed by the current 2023 revival cast) and my last braincell when confronted with literally any sweeney todd related content these days.

[legallybrunettedotcom]

hi!!! i am a big fan of your amvs and want to get into making my own! any advice on how to find the best clips once you have an idea for a video or just any advice you might have for someone starting out in general? all is appreciated and thank you so much!!

hiii!! thank you so much and i'm actually so honored someone would ask my advice on this. about clips, i mostly torrent movies. my go-to site is yts.mx. but you can always google "torrent sites" and you'll find lists with safe sites to use. if you don't know how to torrent you can always search up youtube tutorials or check on reddit. it's super simple though. if i can't find a good file i'll search up a movie on like fmovies or any of those free streaming sites. or like ok.ru has a bunch movies, a lot of them obscure. and i'll just screen record like specific scenes that seem interesting. and also you can always use youtube, sometimes i can't be bothered to look thru the entire movie or maybe i just need one scene, i look it up there, try to find good quality videos, you can always use stuff from trailers etc. like the sleaze vid i made was mostly trailers actually. you know you gotta be savvy lol. i download those thru yt1s.com, that's how i get the music too. as for the actual making, the way i go about it is i just make a list of potential movies, watch what i haven't seen and then just go thru each movie cutting and saving scenes that seem interesting, effective, striking etc. it's all up to your personal creativity and feeling, playing around, like when you were a kid given some paper and glue, the song choice and the kind of dynamic you want to create etc. i personally hate when someone says about an edit/amv oh it's offbeat which just tells me they're annoying and don't get anything. and ykw, as much as amateur video edits on the internet are made because it's just fun and silly, it is your little creation that you put time and effort in, and you can be serious about it as much as you like. you can make your horny fancams, or idk you wanted to create a specific world that exists in your head, but you have no budget to make an actual proper movie, or they can be short visual essays and commentaries, but you know, without the actual words. sorry for blabbering, but you know, it's all about playing around and trying to create a specific feeling and a little story. have fun! <3

[goldenpinof]

why? bc i was thinking about what i watch and what i'd like to see from dan, basically what you said to the previous anon. in late 2018 (at the end of the dan and phil era coincidentally) my taste shifted a lot from mostly comedy and vloggers to video essays and comentary so personally i'd love to see something like that from dan, but i have no idea what dan wants to do. what do you think he wants to do? what's something he'll find fulfilling and sustainable?

i'm going insane reading all these asks about what's next for dan's career. i lobe him i want him to succeed, i want him to get attention and i want to be entertained by him <3

me 🤝 you

sustainable? this is UNSUSTAINABLE!! (sorry, the last promo got in the eyes).

i think he wants (or wanted before wad) to get into stand-up comedy. at some point he proclaimed himself a comedian and started acting like one. unsuccessfully, in my opinion. he is a bad actor, but he is good at exaggerating his feelings. and this is why wad show worked for those who were familiar with Dan, his content, his internet personality and the phandom. i think he loves attention from real life audience, and he loves connecting to the audience while being on stage, so audience participation is an important part of what he wants. (let's count how many times i say "audience"). a not-so-strict script that allows to ask questions, react to answers, comment on people's reactions, make faces, laugh randomly, adjust the show to what is happening on stage – that's a stand-up show that hundreds of people are doing. and i think Dan would be very fucking good at it. the problem is the theme of said stand-up. and i think Dan would love for it to not rely on youtube as heavily as it did during wad (which wasn't an actual stand-up comedy).

remember the last vidcon he attended and the panel that felt like a Ted Talk? it was a fail, i'd say. partly because the audience was too diverse in a sense that phannies weren't the majority. and i'm glad he didn't push this type of career path. wad was so much better, but it was also targeted at the people who already knew him. even if in the beginning i think he was trying to get a wider audience, the lack of funding or enthusiasm promo-wise made it impossible for the "outsiders" to make the experience strange for everyone, Dan including. wad happened to be for us. but was it successful or fulfilling, or sustainable? no. not in a money / audience growth / similar future tours ways. there should be done a lot of changes. and i guess completely changing his management was the 1st and very important step. it was fulfilling in a way that he met us, he saw what his coming out did and what an incredible impact he had on us (not to mention that ii was almost the same. a bunch of gays gathered together).

he clearly wants something bigger than we aka phandom can give him. and for that he must change the theme or/and concept of his shows. i do think that he will try to do a performance again. and i hope it's gonna be less acting and more improvisation.

i'm not sure about a filmed show. he sucks as an actor, and i don't want him to fail :( but if Joey Graceffa successfully put out Escape the Night and Liza Koshy had a series that didn't require more acting than her own skits, maybe something similar could be alright?! "danisnotokay" is an outdated title though. we need to change it, he is not 25 anymore, come on.

basically, he loves attention, complaining about his life, trauma dumping, edgy jokes, screaming, laughing, sex jokes, feeling liked, loved and wanted. he fucking beams when people applaud him. and for that he needs audience. he could get all of it minus an applause with a podcast or livestreams, but he is a stubborn asshole, so i do hope to see him on stage again. preferably a smaller one and with new topics to discuss.

[undead-discourse]

As a leftist profic/proshipper it's so hard sometimes to find people to discuss fiction with or just listen to them analyzing fiction.

I watch a lot of YouTube, specifically leftist YouTube. And I love video essays that discuss theories, tropes, secret meanings etc that are present in fictional content I like.

And there' almost always this awkward moment in the video where a youtuber says something like "and there's this problematic trope that I don't want to talk about right now" or briefly mentions "my favorite anime promotes pedophilia" when it has nothing to do with the topic of the video. Sometimes it's even worse with them linking in the description videos of actual open antis. And then im having a moment of "oh, and I actually was going to take you seriously."

The videos of antis I'm talking about are very misleading at best and ACTUALLY harmful at worst.

Like, don't say that James Somerton saying stuff like "women who like "killing stalking" and reading it as a love story are mentally unwell" doesn't look like classic example of gaslighting... Because it does. (+ it's very misogynistic)

The good example of actually harmful videos are the ones where the youtuber compares actual propaganda of bigotry with fictional content they don't like. Or accuses author of said "problematic" content of promoting and distribution of CP.

So where am I going with this is... I feel very isolated from people on the left. Even if we cut off public figures Im still very alone with my opinions on fictional "questionable content". When I had my twitter I was surrounded by antis and people with all of the "dni"s and "kys"s in their bio. And I couldn't get rid of them just because we're on the same side, we're in the same marginalized fandom, they like my art and I admire theirs. And all that knowledge combined creates so much anxiety in me. I'm afraid of being "exposed" and casted aside as "that weird degenerate broken one. they're not one of us, we're the good ones." I've always felt left out. And with social media being so accessible, well... That doesn't make me feel better.

I think that leftist profiction/proship community should have more people speaking for them but louder. The anti discourse is so loud at this point that I cant open a single social media without seeing another of those antis who are accusing real life people of being a predator with no real avidence but "look, they drew a picture I don't like".

Yeah. Sorry it's a bit rambly. My thoughts are a mess.

.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I haven't done lists in a while and there's a lot pilling up just this week so it's time to bring it back.

1. I'm revisting Old Hollywood again now that I've watched most of the films nominated for Oscar this year. The Be Kind Rewind youtube channel has been sort of the trigger for going back to the past and for that I have to thank @shimako for the recommendation 🩷 I've watched the 2 hour and a half video essays on the Valley of The Dolls and the behind the scenes story is far more interesting that the film itself.

Not to say that the themes addressed in the film wouldn't be, like disillusionment in Hollywood, personal grievances, what it means to be an actress and especially not a really succesful one. It reminded me of Didion's Play It As It Lays (which I think it's a better piece of literature although the film adaption seems to have turned into a failure?)

2. Anyway, that made me go down the rabbit hole and watch other essays on Ruth Gordon (amazing woman) and Katharine Hepburn.

3 . Speaking of Hepburn, I realized yesterday that I've only seen her paired on screen with Cary Grant and not with Spencer Tracy (I know!). So I rectified that mistake and I watched Adam's Rib (George Cukor, 1949) and I finally understood what all the fuss was about and I have some sort of theory. Grant and Hepburn together are like this very performative version of a couple in which the constant bickering takes center stage, but even when they do get together, it lacks something. A bit of authenticity. But with the Hepburn-Tracy duo, you can almost feel it. It's right there in the small, natural gestures. Instant chemistry and love. They work so well together. I guess the off screen affair of 26 years helped that as well.

3. I love Mommy Dearest and Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford. The screaming, the crying, the makeup, "No wire hangers!". Poor baby Christina. It's a shame though that Faye Dunaway distanced herself from it because of how "bad" it turned out, but I understand why she felt she had to do it.

But I also couldn't help but think of DeNiro in Cape Fear and his own campy performance in a very 90s ridiculous film that allowed Scorsese to try his hand at that type of thriller. DeNiro's career didn't suffer because of it, as opposed to Dunaway's version of camp, which I prefer actually. It may have been hated at that time, but Mommie Dearest is a cult classic.

*Bonus: Currently listening to another You Must Remember This podcast series. It's Gossip Girls: Louella Parsons and Hedda Hopper, aka the famous old Hollywood gossip columnists.

Now, for some ridiculous internet & showbiz drama:

4. People going conspiracy mode over Kate Middleton? Some of us lived months without any sign from Jimin. They could learn from that. But love the memes.

5. I feel sorry for those kids in Glasgow. They really experienced the effects of AI used by assholes who wanted to make some money. The lady in green hair has been all over twitter and whilst funny for us, it is shitty to be in her shoes. The Unknown! 🤦‍♀️

6. Who was an ass to Rebecca Ferguson on set? The consensus is that Jake Gyllenhaal was the culprit and I wouldn't be surprised. But it needs more investigating.

7. Over in K-Pop Land Karina gets a boyfriend, her fans are devasted and Koreaboo is pumping "articles" by the minute. What else is new?

8. Stans of all types are stanning and fighting. One day 🐥 girlies, the next day 🐰 girlies and all the other crazies all week long, no break. I do read the stuff in my inbox, but I'm really not in a mood to comment on every shitty thing that happens so often. I know that once I do it, then I just invite more and it's just pointless. There's no actual JM and JK which is frustrating enough and no travel show on the horizon and it's just too bleak at this point.

We're waiting, clock is ticking. At least release a travel show as a summer content, ok?

9. I did see that Billboard kpop 100 top. Yeah, I don't understand the logic of including individual artists if they haven't charted on their own. Don't these people have editors to point out the flaws in the listicles? It's just dumb.

[kooru03]

heyo! seeing n and the way you drawn him has gotten me really curious to know more! What game(s) is him in? how can I learn more?

Ahh, I'm so happy I could get someone interested in him through my work. I'm flattered, thank you. I'll try my best to help.

As for appearances:

N appears in various media, but the most important ones are the games, Pokémon Black and White for the Nintendo DS (his debut) and the sequels to those games Pokémon Black 2 and White 2 on the same game system. He also appears on the main anime in the Unova centered seasons and In animated shorts such as Pokemon Generations and Evolutions, where you get to see game scenes animated and have some lore expanded upon.

As for Manga, he is in Pocket Monster Special (the "main" Pokemon manga), Heroes of thunder and fire (CoroCoro comics), and possibly some other CoroCoro comics works based on Unova which seem to be lost media, and as such, there's possibilities of N being featured in those.

And quite recently (all things considered), he has been added to Pokémon Masters EX, a gacha game which allows you to "obtain" N and fight with him in teams and talk to him.

To learn more about him:

Playing the games would be the first step ideally, so you can experience the base story unfold before your eyes. From that point onward, I think watching the animated shorts would be next since you cannot be spoiled :) If you don't have the time, maybe some video essays on YouTube or a playthrough could do the trick but you'll perhaps be relying on someone else's understanding of the story, and as such, miss important details not just pertaining to N but the game in general. If you stay keen you'll be fine :)

I would then read the pocket special manga and perhaps give Masters a try, since those expand on his character quite nicely and I find them to be quite good characterizations of him if combined with the prior knowledge obtained during the DS games playthrough. Although masters has more issues than I'd like, but that's besides the point.

And my best advice:

Once you're done with the games, go to the tags and follow a bunch of N enthusiasts. People often discuss his character, quite in depth and even point out details that you may have missed (I used to do this a lot on my deleted insta, sometimes I still do it on my Twitter @kooru_03).

Going into Bulbapedia and reading through trivia will lead you to other sources that hold valuable information, such as interview, concept art, etc etc....

My additional comments:

The BW games are of the best the franchise can offer and as such, the discussion is rich. I'd advice to not focus to much on just him and look at his close bonds and the game in general, as you may uncover more about him that way. No one lives in a vacuum after all. The game is absurdly deep when you start zooming in and out. Like, ABSURDLY so. In a good way, of course.

Sorry for the intimidating length, but I hope this was a useful guide. I wrote this off the top of my head so If anyone else has anything they'd like to add, I'd appreciate that.

[nervoustragedyluminary]

Not accusing her of plagiarism as I haven't seen it but the latest video sounds idk.... VERY familiar in using twilight as a jumping off point to talk about cishet patriarchy and relationship media like idk it's probably a common topic but I swear I just watched a shorter video essay by a smaller channel on basically that so I hope she credits smaller channels who've laid the groundwork or inspired her if they did and that I'm just being paranoid after all the plagiarism that's been coming out on YouTube

for her to follow it up with the white cryator song and dance of blocking people who pointed out a racist joke and not saying 'hm yeah that wasn't the best choice I'm sorry bad comparison it does come off as me trying to erase and minimise anti indigenous sentiment and racism' she did the vaush fortress thing she does where she blocks and acts like all criticism is the same as attacks /trolling....idk it's very keffalsesque and leaves a bitter taste

but idk I shouldn't be surprised but like specifically making an anti native American joke right after Nex was bashed and killed it just seems like really thoughtless and callous idk but given her history of racism and anti-nonbinary sentiment [though Nex was 2s and has also been described as a trans boy by friends and used mainly he pronouns but also they a lot of reports reported Nex as being nonbinary] IDK I'm just disgusted

like did she not hear about Candice Owens THIS YEAR calling native American people cannibals and equating native trans identity to 'savagery'?- like we heared about that all the way in New Zealand FFS.

like of all of the times to make a joke at the expense of native trans people [not that there's ever a good time to do that as a white creator but still] just yikes this was not the time and then the pigheaded response to native trans people rightfully saying 'hey this is horrendously timed and comes off as racist actually ' is just not on but sadly unsurprising from wonderbreadtube

[shiverandqueeef]

can you tell me a bit about the movie with tree grafting and um. where can i watch it?

yeah, for sure! It's a 2021 movie called After Yang directed by Korean-American filmmaker Kogonada. It's the first of his movies I've seen, so I don't know a lot about him, but he seems to be 1) a massive film nerd and 2) focused on innovative cinematography. He's made a shit load of what I am inclined to call youtube video essays but like. in a non-youtube font. a short film festival font! video essay that premiers at TIFF type font. Also his name is a pseudonym, or possibly more like a heteronym? meaning that "Director Kogonada" is a character he inhabits in order to create something specific and outside of himself; his name is also tied up in his ethnic identity in a way that is really interesting and none of this is what you asked for lmao sorry I got distracted SO ANYWAYS

After Yang is Kogonada's second/latest feature film, and based on the short story Saying Goodbye to Yang by Alexander Weinstein, though the screenplay is written by Kogonada himself (he also edited the film and i am not going to nosedive into the rabbit hole that is 'Tasha's Thoughts and Feelings on Auteur Theory' in this reply but boy howdy i sure will be spending the rest of the night thinking about it)

The film is set in a nebulously futuristic time-period (no specific year given) and centres around a family of four (no last name given). I'm sure there's nothing thematically relevant going on there. anyways, our main characters are Jake (played by Colin Farrel whomst i am totally normal about), Kyra (played by one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen though that is neither here nor there Jodie Turner-Smith), their young daughter Mika, and an android named Yang (played by Justin H. Min, who I am only not realizing is the guy who played Ben in the Umbrella Academy. Incidentally also one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen).

I think the less you know about the events of the movie before going in, the better. but in general, it's a quiet, contemplative, visually driven narrative that approaches themes of grief, identity, and familial connections. The word that immediately comes to mind is "gentle" but like. It doesn't pull any punches with it's emotional beats - it's more like... the visual presentation of death, loss, lonliness...Kogonada presents everything with beauty, I think because he strongly believes all aspects of existence are beautiful. some of it didn't really hit for me but there were three separate scenes that made me ugly cry into my popcorn and i am getting too much into it imma shut up now.

WHERE YOU CAN WATCH IT!

it's available on prime video (boo hiss) also i think apple tv? ummm you can probably rent it on youtube or google play. Oh! It's for sure on Hoopla if you have a library card (and your local library uses hoopla).

I just pirated it. i think i watched it on braflix? maybe the movie archive? if you go to the piracy megathread on reddit they have a list of streaming sites (also torrent and direct download). as long as you have ublock origin and a VPN you should be fine with any of the listed sites.

if you end up watching it, lemme know what you think!

... Sarita Choudhury is also in this. she is also one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen. that is all.

[arson-09]

Oh my God, I meant to send that previous ask as an anon 💀💀 I've been exposed as Rhysta Stan. Let's hope the antis don't come and doxx me/j

Anyway, I'll be honest. I've never read ACOTAR, I just heard the concept and thought it was cool and read some reviews to see whether I should buy it but like- it doesn't appeal to me ig- but I really loved the concepts of the characters and was so disappointed when they didn't align with my interests.

(I also like Rhysta solely for the dynamics and concepts too so oops, I'm sorry if I don't understand the true depth of it)

Do you think I should like acc give ACOTAR a chance to read, though???

Oh no😭

You don’t have to ‘understand’ the true depth of something or have read its source material to like it :D I actually didn’t read the books before i decided to become an acotar blog/ a Tamlin fan. I had watched CariCanRead make these plot summary videos on youtube (which are really good btw if you don’t want to read the books!) because i knew they were really popular but i was eh to read them myself. I just kind of said wow everyone hates Tamlin for some reason, i’m going to like him cause i think he’s cool. Then the urge to really dive in and analyze his character took hold and i read them which lead me coming up with too many au ideas and mini essays about my opinions lmao.

Now, whether or not to give acotar a try is kinda hard. If you know you’re probably not going to like it just don’t waste your time. While i like some of the characters and yap about them a lot here, i personally dislike how the books are written and find them lacking. But if you want to be a hater or just want to learn more about the characters from the technical source material, go ahead! I always recommend borrowing books from the library or getting them secondhand if your not sure you will like it. Cause books have kinda gotten expensive (at least here in the US i obviously dont know where your from) And once again i have yapped quite a bit😭🫶🏻

[drdemonprince]

hi devon! i recently binged all your medium articles, your writing hits so close to home and has opened so many doors of self-reflection for me, thank you. one of your latest ones was about porn and autism, i have some differing opinions on porn itself, but i enjoyed your perspective on it.

i would love to hear your thoughts on autism and hypersexuality in a broader sense. i’m someone that’s recently realised how much my premature exposure to sexuality and porn in childhood made me hypersexual in a way that really stunted my personal growth and had me traumatising myself with my own compulsive sexual behavior. as an undiagnosed autistic adhd kid i was just grasping after any form of stimulating and self-soothing behavior, but also looking after ways to make myself more interesting and appealing to peers and most importantly boys (because interest from men = value as a human i learned early on). i think i could’ve figured out gender and sexuality stuff a little earlier and avoided my comphet phase had it not been for how obsessed i was with sexualising and objectifying myself in my tweens and early teens tbh. i hope to see more people talking about autism and sexuality. my heart breaks thinking about how so many demonise kids with problematic sexualised behavior when they’re literal children trying to figure out this having a body thing and there’s usually grown-ups around them standing idly by doing nothing effective to help.

Hi there! I love hearing from people who don't share my perspective completely but can still get a lot out of my work.

I alluded to this yesterday, but I don't believe hypersexuality or hyposexuality are a thing. Where do we draw the line where it becomes pathological, and why? Clearly humans have varied in how much they desire and think about sex since the beginning of time, and while we still have not figured out a respectful, appropriate way to cope with the fact of it, children also sometimes have an interest in sex and masturbation and a curiosity about it that is completely value neutral. It's just a thing that happens because children are living human beings.

Unfortunately we inhabit a paradigm where this is supposed to be either ignored or punished and discouraged, and anyone who does bring it up is viewed as having some ulterior motive beyond the liberation of children from abuse. And so if a child is curious about sex or driven to explore it in some way, they only means they have of pursuing that interest is by consuming adult material, which a lot of people look back on having done with a variety of different feelings. It sounds like you saw a lot of porn from a young age that really gave you unhelpful expectations for yourself and others and that it really hurt you, and I'm really sorry to hear that.

I consumed a lot of adult content as a child and a teen, not just porn but also real life gore and jump scare videos and elaborate, violent sexual stories, and of all those experiences, the only one that seemed to scar me was the jump scare videos. Seriously, newgrounds fucked me up, and not because I was playing games like Orgasm Angel. It was shit like kikia that fucked me up. The potential that my most beloved friend, the computer, could start screaming at me and showing me dead babies at any moment meant I was on edge and obsessively read all the comments on every video I ever viewed for like... seven or eight years. Even if a friend or classmate wanted to show me a youtube video, I forced them to read through all the comments and convince me it wasn't a jumpscare video first. For like years.

It might be that the only reason I was able to watch and read and play a lot of porn online as a kid without any real adverse effects was because I had a really specific fetish, and so most of the content I was able to view was of an obviously fictional and fantastical variety or was made directly by the people who starred in it. As I wrote in my essay, I'm glad that I started watching brainwashing gifs on weird websites and masturbating to them as a kid. It helped me feel less alone in my fetish and it didn't scar me, and provided a sexual outlet that was actually pretty safe and private and didn't put me in contact with any adults. It was a really nice pressure valve, a way to stim and zone out and regulate my breathing and get off, and finding content like that helped me to realize there was a whole big wide world out there where freaks like me could be okay.

THAT said, I can understand your experience! Porn didn't fuck me up as a kid, but I did learn some really pernicious sexual norms as a teen, because I had abstinence only education at school and I obsessively read Dan Savage's advice column Savage Love as a replacement for having any kind of credible sex ed. I used to worship Dan Savage. I met him for pancakes once, you can read about my whole complex relationship to him and his work in a very old piece I wrote pre transition here:

Dan Savage's work was really influential on me and on a lot of people of my generation. From his stuff, I learned that I should be good, giving, and game for just about anything a partner wanted -- which meant I pressured myself to do things I didn't always want to do. He normalized a kind of casual, unarticulated nonmonogamy among people of my age group including everyone I dated -- and so being open without really discussing what that meant was the norm for me from age 19 until about age 23.

Dan Savage wrote that blowjobs come standard and that any model who is not equipped with them should be returned to the lot -- thats really how he described women who didn't do oral. As broken cars. Dan Savage said that asexuals should only date other asexuals and probably werent real anyway. He said vaginas looked like canned hams dropped from great heights. He said a gay trans guy who couldnt take T for health reasons was 'delusional' for wanting to date fellow gay men. Reading Dan Savage fucked me up, and it's not even his fault -- he was just an outspoken faggot with an advice column that was always clear in reflecting his biases and agendas, and I was just a horny confused kid with no sex education and no where else to learn about sex other than porn and the back of the local alternative mag.

So, this is all a very long and meandering way of saying that I'm sorry you also got attached very young to untrustworthy sources of sexual information and that they also scarred you and left you pressured to be something you were not. I was there. I think many of my generation were and some still are. and not just the Autistics. I know so many people who got swept up in the messages that conventional porn and writers like dan savage had to peddle -- straight people, queer people, poly people, disabled people, everyone. The sad part is that Dan Savage for all his faults was still a lot more progressive than where many of my peers turned, which was sites like efukt or the predecessors to the chan sites and shit. It was brutal out there.

It's also the case that many of us Autistic people are prone to intense fixation and rumination and obsession, by neurotypical standards, sometimes to our detriment, sometimes in a completely neutral way that would cause us zero harm if it weren't for all the societal stigma and judgement. and that can mean that, especially when we are lonely and closeted teens, that we retreat into a lot of damaging digital messages and imagery, and I think a lot of bad, sexist straight porn unfortunately played that role in a lot of people's lives. My version of that was instead compulsively reading pro ana livejournals (as a teen) and then later terf detransition blogs (in my 20s). So again I don't think it's necessarily a phemoneon of porn per se, but obviously there is a lot of really toxic shit out there that has warped a lot of people's viewpoints around sex and relationships, I can't deny that.

I wish I knew what the solution was to help prevent future generations of kids from going through the kinds of damage you and I went through, but I think we are so far from being prepared as a culture to have this conversation that most attempts to broach it end up making things worse for kids in all kinds of scary new ways -- parents heavily monitoring and controlling their kids browsing habits for example. That sure as hell isn't going to help a closeted queer kid who is exploring themselves in most cases. Instead of building a world that is more liberatory and supportive to kids, we just keep trying to control them more and more, and impose more and more strict standards on them, which always hurts the weirdest and queerest among us the worse. It fucking sucks. Shit. i really am going to have to write about about child liberation one day wont i