#I'm sorry if this is cruel of me to think or say or w/e but

[theladygazingatemptiness]

no shade but. @ [redacted]: why are you still here, exactly

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

Day 1 — Soulmates ₊˚✧ ﾟ

Submission for @goldengroovy's @olnfweek2024

MC: Micha

Long ass ramble under the cut 😂

Okayokayokay SO-

I love soulmate au's. I cannot tell you how many fics I've read or how many prompts I've played with or media I've consumed or how many bullshit ideas I've come up with in my own head for them, I CANNOT.

It's just - hhhhhhhhhhhh- Soulmate au's and Time Travel au's are just the shit that gets me out of bed some days 😩💖my world weary soul drinks that shit like medicine, okay?

That all being said, it's probably a little ambiguous which au I picked to some, so let me explain: There are two au's I'm mashing up here really, both are from fics I've read back in the day. One being a Clack fic and the other a Thilbo one 🤷‍♂️kind of calling myself out here but w/e, they were good fics.

The Thilbo one is easier to explain - the concept is "Heartsong" which is, literally what it says on the tin. You find out who your soulmate is the first time you hear them sing (and no, that does not mean everyone is just a naturally good singer - they can be ass at music but, the point is, when you hear them their song is the perfect song for you and your heart knows that). There's a lot of little nuances to this one - things like you hearing your heartsong when you dream so you always know the moment you find them. Also people who have quiet dreams because their heartsong died, sometimes before ever even meeting them. etc etc. The heartsong also seems to expand, in some respect, to instruments (as Thorin plays his harp one night and Bilbo starts to hum without thinking about it because it sounds wonderful to him and that's how Thorin finds out).

Overall, it's a very soft and sweet concept to me and as someone who has a deep love of music, it's also one of my very favourites.

The Clack one is a little less easy to explain? I think. Maybe because it's nuances are so round about but I'll do my best. The concept for this one is "I Only See Colour When I'm With You" - anyone who knows how Clack fics usually go knows where this is probably headed 😂 and I am sorry to have hurt you but, overall, the idea is: You live in a noir-esqu world where everything is black and white. This only changes when you find your soulmate, of course, who brings the world into full saturation and lets you see colour for - possibly - the first time in your life (I say possibly because I genuinely can't remember if you start out colourblind or if it's an age cap thing).

Unfortunately, for as much as I adore this concept, it's been a long damn time since I read the fic and I don't even know if it still exists somewhere. So I can't actually recall if it was a 'you have to touch them' or 'you have to hear them' thing but the fic takes place with Zack on the cliff right before Midgar where he holds Cloud and looks at the sky - so I'm willing to bet it's a touch thing.

I also really loved this fic because it was the first one I'd read that brought in the concept of multiple soulmates to me - As Cloud later sits with Aerith and sees the colour he couldn't see with Zack, meanwhile Aerith only sees black and white, because she was only able to see colour with Zack (who was never able to see colour with her, because he needed Cloud for that).

Essentially, they all needed each other to see the world in colour. As a polyam person who didn't quite realise I was poly back then, it was a very comforting (and now dearly cherished) fic.

Anyways! Now that you have the background on the two concepts, you can kind of get what I'm going for with this piece.

Tamarack, Micha and Qiu are all soulmates in a fuzzy, desaturated world (I'm sorry, I'm not cruel enough to but them in complete greyscale LOL) and the way you find your soulmate is by hearing them sing and, when they do, your world is suddenly vivid and bright and beautiful. Suddenly, you can see things as they were meant to be seen and it's a permanent change (unlike the Clack fic) but things are always clearest and brightest when your soulmate speaks or sings 💖

I get a real kick out of the idea that Micha's known for fucking months that Tamarack is his soulmate (if not years) because he's always listening to her play but never says jack shit about it because he's emotionally constipated that way 😂Though genuinely, it's probably because he just doesn't think he's her soulmate and he's a bit against finding out he's right honestly.

Joke is on him, he's Qiu's and Tamaracks soulmate! And he couldn't have picked a better moment to grow a pair an take the risk 🥰

[linos-luna]

Can you make a yandere lee know sadist story?

Pretty please............

Bruh there's another request in my inbox asking for a masochist Lino... y'all crazy lol. but who am I to judge? 😭

Ask and you shall receive...

———————————————————

His Urges ❣️🔪

Yandere!Sadist!Minho x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Yandere!, Smut, MDNI, biting, sadism, dub con, crying, fear kink, spanking, toxic relationship,

——————————————————— 🔪

It was an incredibly strong urge and for a while he did his best to suppress it but lately it's been difficult. You were just so cute and innocent!

You already knew your boyfriend to be quite possessive and maybe a tad bit controlling but maybe that was normal right? I mean he says he loves you. He always talks about how you're his soulmate and how he wants to shield you from the cruel world. You don't even have to work as he promised to take care of you. Sure he could be a little e rough at times but... not like this...

It was an innocent little date night. After a homemade dinner, you sat with him on the couch, leaning your head on his shoulder as Netflix played. Minho wasn't paying too much to the movie and was massaging your hand. He rubbed your fingers, loving how delicate they looked: just so perfect...

Slowly, he started to squeeze your fingers together. It wasn't too hard at first but progressively got harder.

You didn't think much of it at first but it slowly got more and more painful.

"M-Minnie...?" You asked a bit confused while looking at him, trying to pull away.

Minho didn't answer, instead squeezing even harder as he stared at your hand. It was as if he was lost in the moment.

"Minho! You're hurting me!"

Your sudden yell startled him and he immediately let go.

"W-why'd you do that??"

"I-I'm sorry, Kitten..." he said bluntly. "I didn't even realize... what was happening there..." He paused while looking at your eyes that were tearing up. Sure, he felt a little bad for seeing you cry but at the same time... not? In the moment, he felt quite excited actually and his heart was racing.

You only frowned while rubbing your hand and stood up. "I-I think I should go to bed now..."

"No wait!" Minho suddenly grabbed you by the wrist and kept you in place.

"P-Please let go..."

"No!" He yelled suddenly while standing up, scaring you quite a bit. "Hold on, Kitten."

"M-Minnie.... I-I just wanna go to bed is all..." you stuttered as he squeezed your wrist hard.

"Don't leave yet, our date isn't finished!" He said, sounding frustrated. "Please."

You stopped pulling and looked at him with tears rolling down your cheeks. He wiped away your tears with his other hand and sighed. "I'm sorry, pretty girl... I couldn't help it..."

"C-Couldn't help what..."

He was quiet, only looking at your wrist that he was still holding.

"Hurting me....?"

He nodded.

"Y-You like... Hurting me...?" you asked, getting concerned.

"... Yes..." he admitted, which had you surprised.

"It's sick... isn't it?" He had an unnerving chuckle that made you want to back away. "Sit down, Kitty."

"M-Minnie..."

"Don't be like this." He shook his head and sat down, pulling you by the wrist to sit next to him. "only 20 more minutes of the movie."

He could care less about the movie at this point. He just wanted you to stay here with him. He just wants to hold you.

After a moment of hesitation, you sat back down. Perhaps he just drank too much wine earlier... no way he was serious... At least that's what you told yourself.

~~~~~~

As the movie continued, Minho rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. You were finally able to relax a bit and he would even give you gentle kisses on the cheek, whispering little praises in your ear. By the end of the movie, he was kissing your lips and carried you to the bedroom. Once he sat you on the bed, it got a little more heated as he gave more passionate kisses, using his tongue to dominate. You enjoyed it as he felt around under your shirt and kissed down you neck... that is, until he started squeezing your waist harshly and nipping at your neck. You moaned a bit, not exactly in pleasure, but in pain. He took that as a sign to keep going as he bit harder along your neck, finally making you cry out and try pushing him away.

"Minnie!" you gasped as he pushed you to your back and smirked down at you while pulling your hair.

"What's wrong, Kitten?" he chuckled. "can''t handle a little pain? you're so cute...."

"Stop it!"

"-Or what?!" he replied with a devious smile as he suddenly grabbed your jaw. "What are you gonna do about it, Kitten?"

You only looked at him in fear. He was right, what were you gonna do? you were pinned.

"That's what I thought." He chuckled while kissing down your neck.

More tears rolled down your cheeks as he lifted your shirt and left kisses on your bare breasts. The kisses were quite soft compared to the way his nails were digging into your waist. You tried stopping him by grabbing his hands but Minho seemed to find your struggle funny and keep going while sucking at your breast.

You attempted to grab him by the head before you were suddenly grabbed by both wrists and pinned.

"You like this huh?"

"No I don't!" you yelled back.

"No I think you like playing these little games." He chuckled. It's okay, kitten, I'll Keep playing with you. I'm not done. Behave for me, will you?"

~~~

That was only the beginning. Minho found some sort of sick pleasure from hurting you. And you? Well you just took it. There was no way out. You tried so many times but you were always caught and the punishments only got worse.

You loved him still but not like this. He said he couldn't't control it but you thought that was bullshit. There's no way...

The sex was rough, full of biting and hair pulling. He had no limits, in fact he liked seeing that scared look on your face. It turned him on so much and as time went on, he got more and more... Sadistic.

You were practically screaming as he railed you into the bed. After a long day at work, he had decided to fuck all his frustration into you.

Originally, he promised to not be so rough but that was a lie. Admittedly, it was a little pleasurable at first but then it became too much. Third round and he still had just as much energy from when you first started.

"Min- Min- Min-!" you whimpered as your face was pressed into the sheets. "T-Too Much!" it was obvious that you were very overstimulated.

"C'mon, Kitten..." he panted. One more time." He chuckled before pulling you up by the hair, making you scream. "one more time for me..."

It's not like you had much of a choice so again you came... for the third time.

You were weak and exhausted, nearly limp under him as he held you by the hair. once he was fully satisfied, Minho pulled out and laid you on your back.

"You're such a good kitten..." he said softly while kissing your forehead. "I love you so much..."

~~~~~~

This wasn't getting any better. Nearly everyday he'd be rough with you. It left you with bruised that you often had to cover - if he even let you out. at all. You wanted to leave but he catches you every time and in a way... you feel bad. Minho wasn't a bad person... right? He just had these urges. It's not like he'd kill you or hurt you on purpose right? It was delusional thinking and you knew it. He needed help. This pleasure he got from your pain was just sadistic.

He'd spank you at random or randomly pull your hair. He'd squeeze your hand as a warning or pinch your sensitive thighs. It brought him pleasure. In the moment, it brought him so much pleasure... He knows its wrong... But he can't help it...

So here you were, sprawled across his lap, taking what had to be your 12th spank to your bare ass. It was red snd sore, tears stained your cheeks.

"Is my kitty gonna listen now?" he asked while rubbing the reddened skin.

"Y-Yes!" you whimpered.

"Good girl. Now back on your knees." he said with a smile before pushing you to the floor. "You're going to listen now, right?"

You nodded, only to get slapped.

"What?!"

"Y-yes! I-I'll listen!" you cried out.

"See Kitty, its that simple..." Minho rubbed your cheek.

"I-I'm sorry...."

"You should be." He grunted. "You scared me! I had no idea where you were! I thought we were soulmates, y/n. Why would you leave?"

I'm sorry..." you repeated as tears formed again.

"I know you are, Kitten..." He said while rubbing your cheek. "You still love me?"

" Yes..."

As odd as it was, you still did so it wasn't a lie...

Minho was pretty satisfied with that answer and helped you up so you could lay in bed.

After tucking you in, Minho laid next to you and sighed while gently rubbing your cheek.

"I'm sorry, Kitten...." he whispered while looking at you, seemingly feeling some shame. "I wish... I wish I could control it... I... I really do love you..." he said with a genuine tear of guilt running down his cheek. "I-I hope you can forgive me..."

------------------------------------------------

You're not supposed to feel bad for him... but he is self aware so...

[tikvin]

Eshra's greetings and some banter

-39—-20(negative)

"Out with it"

(sigh) "What?"

(tongue click) "And here I thought the day was going well"

-19—20(neutral)

(slight smile) "Yes?"

"You wish to chat?"

"You have my attention"

21—40(medium)

"I am listening"

"You have something to say, yes?"

"How can I help, my dear?"

41—100 (high, exceptional)

"What is it, my dear?"

"Your secrets are safe with me"

"You look like you have a secret to share with me"

"What bothers you, friend?"

Flirty:

"Well-well, haven't my day just got so much better"

"My attention is all yours, dear."

"Ah, I do like the sound of your voice, you know"

Romanced:

(leaning in slightly with a soft smile) "Hmmm?"

"My, oh my, remembered of little ol' me?"

"Got tired admiring me form afar, love?"

(raising an eyebrow with sly smile, she looks expectantly)

Romanced (rejected Bhaal) Will include all of regular romanced lines and additional:

"Since I stopped hearing the song of your blood, your voice got so much clearer, my love"

"To be free, to be loved, what more could one ask for? Well, to hear your lovely voice right about now, I suppose"

"My joy, my heart, what troubles you?"

"My darling, I am at your service" (bows jokingly)

Romanced (lost to Orin)

(looks a little lost) "Ah—? Oh. Yes. What is it?"

(in solemn tone) "Speak to me"

(agitated) "What!?" (snaps out of it) "No— not like that— I'm sorry, haven't got much sleep lately. Did you want something?"

Romanced (accepted Bhaal)

"My most beloved victim"

"Oh how I crave to crawl under your very skin"

"I hear the song your blood sings for me so clear. Beautiful."

Banters:

Considering Eshra is more observing than prying type, I don't think she would initiate them much herself. Except maybe environmental ones and a bit of flirting here and there. I have just a few so far.

(Shadowheart/Eshra)

— "Do you dye your hair, Eshra?"

— "Hm? What makes you think so?"

— "I mean, isn't drow hair usually white or blond?"

— "Why, thank you for calling me special, my dear"

— "That's not— Nevermind"

(Eshra/Wyll/Gale. Underdark, after Eshra's amnesia revealed. Requires fighting at least 2 drow enemies, Minthara included)

— "Say, is drow hierarchy really as ruthless and strict as it is described in tomes about Underdark??" (G)

— "Gale, dear, I have no idea. Although the drow we encountered so far left only a bad taste in my mouth"

— "Afraid that you too did something cruel in your past?" (W)

— "Concerned I was a snobbish insufferable brat"

(Eshra/Tav Temple of Jergal or any temple ruins)

— "This feels familiar... somehow"

— "Hm? Were you a church worker?"

— "Of sorts, I think..."

(Lae'Zel/Karlach/Eshra on the elevator thingy on the way to monastery)

— "What a sight. We should stop for a nice little lunch, take it all in." (K)

— "Is the worm gnawing at your grey matter? We must find a crèche and be purified." (L)

— "Lae'Zel is right... A lunch after being freed from our wrigglers would be much sweeter, don't you think?" (E)

— "Chk. You're both are way too frivolous." (L)

(Minthara/Eshra shadow cursed land. Requires Eshra being recruited before meeting Minthara in act1)

— "So, my suspicions were correct."

— (sigh) "What are you talking about?"

— "The moment we met. I thought something isn't right about you. You look like a drow, but you're most certainly not one. So what are you, iblith?"

— "Careful, Minthara, don't make me regret not slitting your throat in that goblin camp, the moment our dear leader looked away."

— "You would've died in attempt."

That it for now! Will post more banters some time later.

[storiesfromafan]

Hey, okay?

I wanted to ask Mattheo Riddle for something cute, where maybe the reader is very insecure about her body, especially her thighs and breasts....

maybe where the reader has a super nice body and such, but in her eyes, her body is super weird.... she thinks her thighs are too thick, and her breasts are big and she doesn't like that...

Thanks!!

A/N: I loved this idea!! I just hope this good enough haha. Been working on in since I got your request. I'm sorry if it's not that good, I did have a little trouble getting it out of my head in the best words 😅

Why Me?

Every time you look in a mirror you ask yourself; why does Mattheo Riddle like me? What is it about me that made him ask me out? Or made him want me as his girlfriend? In your eyes you weren’t that special. You got decent grades. Weren’t that sporty. You thought your looks were average, with (E/C) eyes that were a nice dark shade. (H/C) (H/L) hair that was always maintained and presentable. But then we get to your body. You didn’t think you were fat. Just average size. Though there were parts of your body that stuck out more to you. You didn’t have a thigh gap like the girls that you share your room with. Your thighs just touching. Not to mention you thought they were maybe too thick. While the other girls in your room had slimmer thighs.

Next it was your breast. Compared to the girls around you, they were larger. To you they were too big. You couldn’t wear tops like the girls with smaller chests. And if you did you had to go up a size, just to feel comfortable with your larger chest. But then it’s to lose in the waist. You couldn’t win. Why couldn’t you be like the other petite girls? Why was your genetics cruel to you?

You thought that as you stared at your reflection in your dorm rooms full length mirror. You were getting ready for a day trip to Hogsmeade with Mattheo and your friends. You’d had picked some jeans, which had highlighted your thoughts on your thighs. And had changed your top three times, because you didn’t like how obvious your assets were in them.

“He’ll like you in whatever you wear!” Pansy Parkinson laughed, thinking it was trying to look good for your boyfriend and not your insecurities.

You shot her a silly smile, hoping it hid the embarrassment of your friend watching you get ready. You didn’t think she or anyone else was paying you any attention. Pansy came up and placed a hand on your shoulder, a warm smile on her face.

“Wear the (colour/pattern) turtleneck with that black corduroy skirt of yours, the one with the buttons down the front” Pansy suggested. “You can borrow a pair of my black thigh high socks. Mattheo will love it!”

Hearing Pansy’s offer to lend you the thigh high socks triggered some panic in you. You couldn’t wear them. You’d either stretch them out, and all will know how big your thighs are. Or they wouldn’t fit, showing all the truth.

“Ah thanks Pans” you started with a touch of panic. “I will wear black stockings. More warmer”.

She laughed. “But they aren’t very practical. At least with the thigh highs they’re easy access”.

You blushed at her words. Yet she wasn’t wrong. But you couldn’t risk the truth getting out. With a shaky laugh you told her you’d stick with the stockings. Pansy didn’t say anything after that, grabbed her jacket and headed to the common room, along with the other girls of the room. Once alone you moved to change into your outfit, before grabbing your coat and leaving to meet your boyfriend and friends. “(Y/N/N) is so cute! She kept changing her outfit to find something cute to wear today” you heard Pansy giggle to Mattheo, as you approached your group.

Hearing her words made you want to crawl under a rock. Sure, you wanted to look good for your boyfriend, and yourself. But they didn’t know the thoughts and feelings you had for your body. You don’t know if you could tell them, ever. Would they understand? Would shedding light on your imperfections pull back the veil for them to really see them? Would they find it gross or dislike you for them?

Pansy’s eyes landed on you and a smile formed on her lips. Seeing the Slytherin girls’ attention was elsewhere, Mattheo turned around and laid his chocolate brown orbs on you. The warmest of smiles forming on his sinful lips, his smile reaching his eyes as he looked at you. You felt your cheeks warm from his attention. But then that voice in the back of your head piped up; you’re nothing special. He could do better then you…

Standing next to Mattheo, you felt unworthy of being here with him. But as soon as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, and placed a kiss to your cheek, it gave some reassurance.

“Hello love” he whispered in your ear, just for you, only for you. His words giving you butterflies.

“H-hello” you stutter out. “Sorry for keeping you waiting”. Mattheo gave you another warm smile of his, “it’s alright, happy to wait”. And then he gave you a wink.

Once everyone was there you all headed out to Hogsmeade for the day. You enjoyed the walk to the small town. The whole way Mattheo held your hand, or he had you link arms. Either way he wanted you close.

Upon arriving, you all went to Honeydukes. It was one of the most popular places in the town, next being The Three Broomsticks. Entering Honeydukes, Mattheo holding the door open for you, always a gentleman, you were greeting to a warm and sweet-smelling atmosphere. You and Mattheo walked around the shop, laughing and smiling. You picked out some sweets to take back to school. And Mattheo did the same, he even brought you a few extras of your favourite chocolates.

Exiting the shop, you both walked past the shops window, looking at the display. Your face fell as you looked at yourself. Why did you buy so many sweets (Y/N)? Want to get fat? Want your thighs to get thicker? Disgusting. The voice was back. You gripped the handle of the bag you’re holding tighter, contemplating if you should drop it or not.

A warm hand envelope your free hand, bringing your eyes to the reflection of your boyfriend. The warm smile upon his face sent the voice back to the dark corner of your mind. You returned his smile before he dragged you off to The Three Broomsticks. Upon entering the cosy pub, you both removed your coats. Mattheo took your coat and said he’d hang them both up while you get a table. You found a free table in the back corner. Soon Mattheo joined you with a couple of butterbeers.

“Thank you” you said warmly, before taking a sip.

Mattheo took the seat next to you and proceeded to take a drink from his own glass mug. You both smiled at the other, Mattheo then chuckled before moving his hand in and whipped some of the froth from your top lip. You laughed sheepishly, feeling a blush rise on your cheeks. He always found you cute when embarrassed and couldn’t understand how he had gotten so lucky with you. For some time, it was just the both of you, cosy together drinking and chatting. But soon Pansy, Draco and Blaise joined the both of you.

More drinking and chats took place, followed with laughter when something funny was said or someone was made the joke. You always enjoy these moments; this atmosphere was what made school bearable. Eventually you excused yourself to use the bathroom. And upon returning to the table, you found Blaise in your spot.

“Come here love” Mattheo said after noticing your lack of spot. “You can sit on my lap” he smiled.

With those words panic set in. You sitting on Mattheo’s lap. That is not good. The voice returned, taunting you. Telling you how heavy you were. How he would find out how fat your thighs are. How disgusted he would be with you. You stood there looking at your boyfriend, heart racing. Sensing something wasn’t right, Mattheo gave you a comforting smile while taking a hold of your hand. He proceeded to slowly draw you close to him, before bringing you to sit on his lap.

You didn’t lean back into your boyfriend, nor did you let your whole weight on to him. Mattheo didn’t seem to notice how you were sitting. He just moved his left arm to wrap around your waist, while resting his chin on your right shoulder as he listened to Pansy and Draco. He was so comfortable with you on his lap. You on the other hand were being careful. And when his left hand would caress your thigh you stiffened, heart jumping into your throat. Surely any minute he would make a comment or push you away. But he didn’t.

Every moment was torture. The voice in your head saying cruel things. Eventually it got too much for you. Getting up abruptly from Mattheo’s lap you excused yourself, making up an excuse to get out of there and back to the castle, and your dorm room. Not waiting for a response, you grabbed your coat before leaving The Three Broomsticks. Mattheo and your three friends sat there confused and a little worried.

You hated leaving like you did. But it was becoming too much. The voice continuing to put you down. You were on the walk back to the castle, not far from the turn off that would take you to the Forbidden Forest, when a hand grabbed your arm pulling you to a stop.

“Bloody hell love!” Sighed Mattheo, “I’ve been calling your name for ages!”

You kept your eyes on the ground, “sorry. Didn’t hear you…” you said softly.

He let go of your arm and ran his hand through his curly brown locks. “Did I do something? Please tell me if I did, because I didn’t mean to” he said with concern.

You shook your head. “No Theo, you didn’t do anything”.

Mattheo stepped closer, bringing his hands up and cup your cheeks. He moved your head, so your eyes locked with his. “Then why did you run out of there like you did?” He asked softly.

“I-I” you stammered, unsure what to say. “I forgot about homework I have to do” you lied. Which Mattheo picked up on right away.

“Really love, what’s up?” He asked with worry.

At the moment a group of girls walked past the both of you. They giggled and said hello to Mattheo, who didn’t entirely give them his attention. He did return the hello, all the while focusing on you. You felt your heart warm seeing his eyes on you, and not once leaving you.

He is pitying you, the voice creeped from its dark corner of your mind. It’s only time before he realises the heifer he is dating, and will dump you for one of those girls…

Your heart sake from what the voice said. It was getting harder to ignore the voice or push it away. It made some sense to you. You did not understand why Mattheo was with you. Pulling yourself from him, you once again took off towards the castle. And Mattheo was right on your heels. He called your name, asked you what was wrong and talk to him. You hated ignoring him, but what could you say? You couldn’t tell him the dark truth, as he would see how crazy you were and possibly call you it too.

Once again Mattheo grabbed your arm, but this time he used apparition. Realising what had happened, you took in your new surroundings. Mattheo had brought you to the boathouse, which was quiet except for the water softly hitting against the building. You turned from where boats would be loaded into the water, and to your boyfriend, whom was watching you closely with concern.

“Love, no more running” he said softly, stepping towards you but stopped when he saw you stiffen. “Please tell me what’s going on?”

You released a shaky sigh. How could you admit to the gorgeous guy before you how fat you were. How disgusting your thighs are. How you weren’t like the other girls, and that made you feel like nothing. The dark voice taunted you right now, laughing at you for allowing yourself to get into this position, how Mattheo would once and for all see you for everything you are. You felt the heat and prick in your eyes, knowing tears were rising in them but you couldn’t let him see them. Only Mattheo was more observant than you thought. Before you could stop him, Mattheo had wrapped his arms around you, holding you close while whispering sweet words in your ear in hopes to comfort you.

“It’s alright” Mattheo cooed in your ear. “Please don’t cry love. I’m sorry if I have done or said anything to hurt you. I never want to hurt you or upset you”.

Hearing his words, his apology for nothing he had done, made those pesky tears fall from your eyes. You were the problem not him. Mattheo was sweet, kind, affectionate, caring, thoughtful and the list goes on! All the while you were disgusting, practically repulsive. He’d now finally see you for it after you let it out. For the word vomit was coming. And all because he was so worried and concerned for you.

You pulled away from Mattheo. “It’s not you, it’s me” you said trying to stay calm while whipping your eyes. “I’m the problem. Not you. You’re wonderful, perfect Theo. Me, I’m disgusting. I don’t get why me, why choose me!” Here it all came. “There are better looking girls you could be with. I’m average, but I have thick thighs, I’m fat and I don’t have the chest of other petite girls! I’m absolutely disgusting!”

By the time you got all your words out you were crying profusely, bordering on ugly crying, which you wanted to add to that list but couldn’t voice it. You covered your eyes and most of your face with your hands, not wanting to see Mattheo’s face or for him to see how terrible you looked. Suddenly you were pulled into a solid form, arms wrapping tightly around you, that familiar scent of cigarettes and mint hit you.

“You are not disgusting. You are not fat. You are the most beautiful girl with the most bewitching (E/C) eyes that hold me captive with one look. You have the perfect body, thighs included, that make me weak and lose all control, but I have to stop myself from grabbing you and holding you closely. I spend lessons next to you, telling myself to keep my hand from your thigh, as all I want to do is place my hand there and never let it go. I go crazy from having to behave in public love” Mattheo took a moment to take in a few shaky breathes. “It’s not only the physical side that I want either. You – (F/N) (L/N) – are sweet, generous, caring, kind, loving, gentle, intelligent, funny – just everything that makes you the best person I know, and love unconditionally. You are perfect for me. I want you because you are you, and because you make me want to be better, the best for you. I’m not worthy of you love!”

Slowly Mattheo words sunk in, slower than you wanted. The gorgeous male before you believed he wasn’t worthy of you. And he thought you were the best person. It couldn’t be true, surely. Mattheo moved back and pulled your hands from you face. He wiped the tears from your face, all the while looking at you with so much love. Finally, you heard his words, letting them sink in. Yet that dark voice began to speak up but you weren’t listening anymore. For your boyfriend’s words were true.

“(Y/N/N), you are perfect for me in every way".

That was it. That declaration was all you needed to send that dark voice to the deepest, darkest place of your mind, and for it to never return while Mattheo was around. Your boyfriend now knew of your insecurities and he would make sure to reassure you that you were beautiful, your body was perfect and you were worthy.

Without skipping a beat, you kissed your boyfriend, silently thanking him. Mattheo once again wrapped his arms around you and held you close, while you both shared a tender kiss. After the kiss you opened up to him more, he had asked you to without pushing and said to always talk to him when you needed. You agreed to come to him when you needed to talk. There would be no more secrets kept between you. And let’s just say he showed you and your body how much he loved you, all of you. 😉

A/N: I don't this it's as good as some of my other works, but I am content with it. Feel free to keep requesting. I've got a few now to do. But I'm having trouble logging into tumblr on my computer and app on my phone. Hopefully it gets sorted out soon.

[tieronecrush]

cool about it

joel miller x f!reader

(part II of water in your hands)

rating: E (18+ ONLY, MDNI)

word count: 14k (i'm sorry, please grab a snack or some water or read it in stages!!)

summary: I'm trying to be cool about it / Feelin' like an absolute fool about it / Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it

You and Joel have been together secretly for months now, sneaking around behind his wife’s back. He hasn’t made a move to break it off with her, and at this point, you aren’t sure if he ever will. That is until he’s forced to face his problems, and you’re left with all the guilt.

warnings: NO USE OF Y/N, adultery/infidelity, marriage, age difference (joel is in his 50s, reader is 20s/30s), use of pet names, mentions of water/drowning, fingering, oral (m & f receiving), one instance of spitting/drooling, praising, undefined relationship turned committed relationship, slightly possessive joel & reader, alcohol use, ANGST, hurt/comfort, separation, degrading language (homewrecker, slut, mistress, etc.), self-deprecation/insecurity

series spotify playlist / apple music

a/n: thank you to everyone who requested a part 2!! i really love these two even though i make them suffer BUT i would LOOOVE to write some more little stories for them so drop any requests in my inbox! i don’t wanna say goodbye to them just yet :(

dividers from @saradika

It was a rare occurrence for your shift to line up with Joel’s. Lately, he’d be working early mornings or overnights, and you would be afternoons or evenings at the bar. Today, however, is a gift from the universe. He’d been assigned a handful of shifts that ended in the afternoon, and for some reason, Tommy scheduled you early to come deep clean and organize the back bar and stock room for the Tipsy Bison. Joel and you could see each other in the light of day, for maybe only the sixth or seventh time in the months that you have been sneaking around with each other.

He walks straight into the unlocked doors of the bar, an eager grin on the side of his face when he sees you. He beelines for you as you stand in front of the counter, wiping it down.

“Mmm, been thinkin’ about you my whole shift, sugar. Even got a little distracted with you on my mind - got yelled at to keep it moving at one point,” his voice is a little hoarse from booking it over here from the stables, slightly sweaty arms wrapping around your waist and flexing as they squeeze you tight and turn you around, “Was just itchin’ to get over here.”

His lips find that spot under your ear that sends goosebumps over your skin every time, a playful smirk pulling the corners of your mouth up. Your hands rest against the plaid flannel covering his arms, the added warmth necessary for the early spring weather. It reminds you of what he’d been wearing a year ago when he’d started settling into Jackson; sleeves rolled up to show off the delicious veins that bulge when he was working hard. The thought gets you a little light-headed and you take a quick breath to calm your racing mind.

“Well, can’t blame me for you being horny. Gotta keep it in your pants on patrol, sir.” Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, your eyes shine with a tease as you watch Joel’s eyebrows shoot up keenly at your statement and the polite title.

“I think I can blame you. ‘Specially when you’re the one calling me sir.” His eyes darken with hunger - and the knowledge that you’re going to be the one to satiate it. His arms loosen from their tight hold around your waist, large hands skimming down your back to grab at the cushion of your ass greedily.

“Did you only come to get something from me, Miller? I think I should be offended that you didn’t just want to visit me.”

“Oh, darlin’, y’know I came here to just get a glimpse of that pretty face to keep me going for the day. But then I got one look at you, and you just always do somethin’ to me. Can’t ever get enough of you.” His lips attach to the notch where your jaw meets your neck, teeth grazing skin as he works his mouth down to your collar. He hooks two fingers in your shirt there, pulling it back to reveal the blossoming purple mark that he had left the other night when the two of you were glued to each other in your bed. It was his parting gift as the sun rose, the usual warning sign for him to get back home.

“Can I give you another, sweet girl? Or maybe a couple? And you can wear one of those cute little tank tops next shift. Gotta let those gawking boys know you belong to someone.” His low, syrupy twang sends humidity across your exposed skin. Your head tilts back involuntarily, hands gripping his forearms that rest against your hips, his hands still palming your ass.

“You can give me as many as you want. Just wish I could you some.” Your gaze moves down to meet Joel’s eyes, the slightest pout on your face that pulls him away from your collarbone. He looks at you tenderly, one hand leaving your backside to brush your hair back from your face with care.

“I know, darlin’. I wish you could, too.” His thumb rubs against one of your cheekbones, and your eyes close to focus on the touch and feel the weight of his words. He still hasn’t told you those three words that you give him all the time, still never crossing that line.

The cool metal of his wedding band stings your face when he slips his hand down your cheek and along the nape of your neck as if the universe was sending you a quick reminder about who he was promised to.

“You wanna get out of here, sweet girl? We’ve got a few hours just to ourselves.” Your eyes open again at the sound of his voice, a soft smile spreading his lips as he speaks. He gets a mischievous glint in his eye, eyebrows wagging as his large hands slip into the back pockets of your jeans, giving one strong squeeze.

“Maybe we can have a little afternoon delight? Hmm?” He looks genuinely pleased with his cheeky suggestion, and you can’t help but chortle at the horny teenager energy he’s got.

“Play your cards right, Miller, and maybe you can have a little treat.” You wink at him, opening your mouth again to send another quip, only to be taken by surprise as he captures your lips in a fervent kiss. His tongue licks into your mouth, your front pressing tightly against his to the point where you can feel him half-hard against your thigh.

You pull away from the heated kiss, tsking quietly as you pull his hands off of you.

“We won’t ever make it out of here if you keep that up. And that isn’t ideal for either of us.”

Joel groans, the end of the sound hitching up into a soft whine.

“Fine, fine. You’re right. But I can’t fucking wait any longer. Been waiting all morning…” He trails off in thought, his eyes lighting up with an idea.

“Just come to mine. It’s closer.”

“Yeah, by only like 100 feet, Joel. And what if Heather’s home, hmm? How are you gonna explain your hard dick and me likely bent over whatever surface is closest to the front door?” Your arms cross over your front, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“She’s teaching today. She’ll be at school all afternoon. C’mon, it’ll be fine. Never get to have you in my bed.”

It’s not just your bed, you think to yourself. Your stomach turns a bit at the not-so-friendly reminder from your conscience. Your eyes flick down to the ring on his left hand, a sigh escaping as you study the shine of the metal before meeting his eyes once more. You could see the eagerness in them, the want. He wasn’t going to let it go, and you knew if you kept arguing it would end up with him propositioning that it’s either here in the bar or the privacy of his house.

“Okay. We’ll go to yours. But it’d better be a quick one.”

Joel smirks devilishly, hands grabbing at your body. He pulls you away from the counter, fishing out his house keys from the front pocket of his jeans.

“You’re gonna be changing that tune once I get you inside, darlin’. Gonna want to take your time.”

Decision made, Joel left out of the bar first to get a head start back home. Finishing up with your last tasks quickly, you closed up and started down your shared street, sending friendly waves to neighbors as you made your way. You came up with an excuse in your head as to why you were walking up to Joel’s door, just in case an overly curious bystander wanted to be nosy.

You send three quick knocks against the wood, peering in through the small glass windows in the door to see Joel making his way over from the kitchen. He grins sweetly when he opens the door, inviting you in. To an outsider, it all seemed to be a perfectly normal, neighborly exchange. Perhaps you were going to catch up over coffee or Joel was helping you out by getting you a tool to borrow.

Little do they know what he was really about to give you.

It was an awkward exchange at first, Joel stumbling around his words as he gave you a sort-of tour while leading you upstairs. You’d been in his house before, invited in by Ellie when she needed help with a gardening project for school and she’d come to you for advice based on the flora in your front lawn. You’d even been there when he and his wife were there, canoodling on the couch. It stung, seeing him laughing and holding her close. Nearly made you snap the pencil you were holding in your hand as you read over Ellie’s project plan.

But now you were here, alone, and he wanted you in his own bed. Their bed. Their literal marital bed.

It gave you a rush of anxiety as he pushed open the door to the room, turning towards you as you give the space a once over. You ignored the touches of her in the room — the throw pillows around the bed, the perfume on the dresser vanity, and clothes hanging slightly out of the hamper. Instead, you focus on the little details of him that you were finally privy to.

A novel on his nightstand, The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemmingway, the small ceramic dish that he now discards his wedding ring in, the owl mug that holds his morning coffee, smatterings of clothes around his side of the room. It all feels very comfortable, reminding you of pieces that you get of him in your own space. These touches of him give you a sense of home and safety; it all feels very Joel.

He pulls you out of your observations, your eyes meeting his lustful gaze. He towers over you, hands holding the sides of your jaw to tilt your head back. He slants his lips against yours, a light kiss turning salacious with want. Your hands find the waistband of his jeans, tugging lightly while his tongue dances with yours. Soft moans escape with the breaths you both take, and he peels away from your lips to pull your t-shirt over your head, mouth attacking your collarbone to leave more marks as he had promised earlier. Your head tilts, eyes opening for a split second when he bites a bit harder. His tongue soothes the nip, but you still feel the tinge of pain when your eyes lock onto the lacy panties haphazardly discarded near the hamper. You can’t look away, bile burning your throat as your mind gives you an image of the two of them together, of Joel enjoying anyone but you. The thought of those not belonging to you and being for him makes jealousy canker across your heart. A new determination is shocked through you - you want to give him a memory of you being the one pleasing him in this room, for him to think about whenever he has his wife in the same position. You wanted him to be moaning your name, praising you, being under your spell, even for a moment.

Pressing your hands against his strong chest, you push him back with a step. His head shoots up from your collar with surprise, a little smirk pulling at his lips. His eyebrows raise in question as you push him to the end of the bed, hands gripping his broad shoulders and maneuvering him to sit. Eager hands find your hips, grazing over to your ass as he looks up at you standing over him.

“Whatcha wanna do, baby? You wanna ride me, hmm?” His voice is lecherous, dripping with desire and satisfaction over you taking some control.

You shake your head at him, bending down in just your bra to pop open the button of his jeans and slide the zipper down as it strains against his bulge. He buries his face in the exposed skin of your breasts that are now eye level, humming contently.

He lets you work his jeans down to his mid-thighs, cock springing free. He still never bothered with underwear most of the time despite the slow, normal life he’d adjusted to in Jackson.

You keep eye contact as you kneel in front of him, his keen stare unblinking as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. You settle in front of him between his legs, hand wrapping around him and stroking slowly. He looked down at you with hooded eyes, mouth opening in a small gasp at the languid stimulation. A rush of saliva floods your mouth at the thought of tasting the beads of pre-cum that were starting to trickle out of his swelling length.

Giving into your bodily reactions, you lean in and press hot, open-mouthed kisses against the soft skin. Your thumb brushes against his tip, a hiss of pleasure sounding from above. One of Joel’s hands finds the back of your head, tangling fingers into your hair. He doesn’t move to guide you, simply wanting to touch a part of you.

Your free hand gently cups his balls as you press a featherlight kiss to the tip of his hard cock. A kitten-lick swipes up the dribbles of pre-cum that have collected and Joel’s fingers tense against your strands. You hum satisfied with the reactions you’re drawing from him, looking up to see splotches of redness growing across his cheeks and neck at the frustration. He groans out your name as your mouth works to tease him more, not having taken him fully in.

“Fucking hell, baby, quit teasin’.” Joel rasps as he watches your methodical seduction. He applies the smallest pressure against the back of your head when your lips finally wrap around just the tip of him, a moan of relief rolling from his chest.

Your eyes stay glued on his face, relishing in every response that he’s having to your mouth working him. Your head starts a slow bob up and down, growing wet at the weight of him on your tongue. You focus on half of him with your mouth, your hand working what isn’t inside. His noises grow louder and in quicker succession, his cheeks visibly warm and eyes dark with a craving when he looks down at you again.

“Such a sweet girl. Look so pretty with my cock in your little mouth. Think you can take more, baby? Think I can fit in your throat?” His words flood your panties, feeling the fabric stick uncomfortably against you. You shift in your position slightly, a sigh exhaling as your thighs rub together to relieve some of your ache.

The rhythm of your head brings his cock deeper, his tip brushing the back of your throat. You swallow around him and it squeezes him just right, a loud moan coming from him above you. He loses some of his composure, the large hand at the back of your head pushing him down your throat further and causing you to gag. Tears spill from your eyes and spit drips from the sides of your mouth, the blow job quickly turning sloppy as Joel takes more control.

“Fucking hell, darlin’. Taking me so well on your own, being such a good girl for me. You gonna let me fuck your mouth?”

The two of you are tunnel-visioned on each other, with no thoughts in your head except for getting Joel to come down your throat and no thoughts in his other than the sight of you taking his cock in your mouth. Had the two of you sensed anything happening in the house, it might have saved you.

Heather, Joel’s wife, returned home on her lunch break, hoping to run into her husband when she grabbed something to eat quickly. She heard the familiar timbre of Joel’s voice coming from upstairs, not making out any words at first. She climbed the stairs, the sound becoming clearer. Joel was definitely there, but he wasn’t alone. Wet sounds accompanied his pleasured moans, her ears perking up when she stands next to the closed door and hears him ask to fuck the mouth of whoever he’s with. Rage burns, the handle twisting and the door flying open. She’s greeted with you kneeling in front of Joel, his eyes trained on you with a lustful tenderness, mouth agape in awe.

The sound of the door smacking against the wall brings Joel’s attention away from the way you're taking the slow thrusts of his hips as he fucks your face. Immediately, he sees his wife standing in the doorway, shock, anger, and betrayal evident in her expression. His stomach rolls with anxiety, working quickly to push you off of him gently, tossing the throw blanket from the end of the bed in your direction to cover up. He scrambles to shove his still-hard dick back into his jeans and zips them up quickly, hands shamefully covering the bulge as he stands.

His mouth opens to try to excuse the pornographic sight that his wife’s just witnessed, but his brain is coming up empty. His eyes just shoot back and forth between the woman in the doorway wearing his ring and you, standing up from your knees with the blanket around your shoulders and a look of panic in your eyes. His hand twitches to reach for you, to comfort you, and his heart cracks at the glossiness in your eyes when you turn away from him.

The only sound to come is from his wife, her voice flat and resolute as she speaks directly to you.

“Please, get your shirt back on and go home.” She’s calm and resolute, with no malice in her voice as she demands you from her home. You oblige willingly and quickly, grabbing your top from the floor and slipping it over your head. You discard the blanket politely back on the bed, making eye contact with Joel one last burning time before turning to scurry out and back to your place across the street like a reprimanded child. Tears sting your eyes as you exit, the insides of you feeling like a storm at sea, uncertainty of what happens next for you and Joel thrashing around in your gut.

Back inside their shared home, Joel is still at the end of the bed. The situation has shriveled his arousal, the bulge in his jeans no more as his wife stares him down with indignance. She turns on her heel, a silent command for him to follow her as she makes her way downstairs. He climbs down the stairs petulantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to start screaming at him. He can’t find the energy to fight back if she does; he’d take it if it finally freed him of the mess that was his own creation.

Heather motions for him to sit in one of the wooden kitchen chairs; she leans back against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest. He plops down into the hard seat, a quiet sigh exhaled as he leans back, bracing himself for what is bound to ensue.

“Was this the first time?” Heather asks, voice steady, composed. Her eyes finally look at him, nothing given away from the empty stare in them.

He thinks about lying to spare her feelings, but the thought of continuing to suffer through sneaking around to be with you guides him into an honest answer. He’s going to give her the whole truth.

“No. No, this wasn’t the first time.”

“How long?”

He hesitates, the truth burning his throat as he prepares to confess that he’s never been a faithful husband, not when it came to you.

“Since the week after we got married.”

“Jesus Christ, Joel. Are you fucking kidding?”

He shakes his head, bowing it in shame as he continues his attempted repentance.

“I’m sorry. I know it probably means nothing to you, but I am sorry that I put you in this situation…We met when Ellie and I first stopped in Jackson to find Tommy. Before we went to, uh…I couldn’t stop thinking about her. But I didn’t think that I was good for her; I’m older, I have so much shit that I’ve done, and I didn’t think I could give her the life she wanted. When I came back, I tried to stay away. But when I saw her, I couldn’t help but be drawn to her. It was like a fucking magnet or gravitational pull. And well, eventually, I broke all my resolve. We slept together, out in the field behind the storage barn. I felt so fucking guilty afterward that I ignored her, for months. And, uh, I asked Tommy to set me up. Which is when I met you,” he interrupts his speech with a deep breath as he continues his full confessional, each sentence he speaks feeling like a brick being broken down from his walls.

“And I thought that if I made the decision to move on, to date, to get married, that we would both get over each other. I am so sorry that I did this to you. I just thought that you were a nice woman, you weren’t looking for anything really since you’d lived your life with your husband before. It was easy for me. Selfish, and easier than facing reality. But, when I went to check on her after she didn’t show up to work all week after we’d gotten married, we slept together again. And we kept meeting up in secret, having an affair. Have been for months.”

Heather continues her empty, faraway stare as she processes everything Joel’s just laid out in front of her. Silence falls over the room as he gives her time to formulate a response.

“Do you love her?”

That surprises him. Did she actually ask that? Is this the part where she screams and cries and shows her anger? His head shoots up from its hanging position and hands clasp together between his knees as he keeps eye contact with his wife across the room. He thinks back on all of the time you spent together and finally comes to admit what he’s known since that first conversation.

His voice breaks as he speaks, thick with the emotion that the first time he’s saying this is to the completely wrong person, “Yeah. I love her. With everything I have. I’d do anything for her.”

Heather nods shortly, arms uncrossing and dropping to her sides. She looks around the room, her brain working as she thinks about what to do.

“Okay. I’ll make it easy for you then. I’m leaving. We’re separating, since we were never legally married in the first place. If you can give me tonight, I’ll be out tomorrow. Just, I don’t know, ask Ellie to sleepover at Dina’s and spend the night at Tommy’s or at hers, I don’t really give a shit. Don’t come back until the morning, please.”

“I won’t. I’ll do whatever you need me to. I’m sorry again, Heather. I shouldn’t have made such a stupid, selfish decision.” Joel’s filled with genuine remorse, anguish flooding his gut about how to move forward from this.

She looks at him with pity, then her eyes move to the window in the direction of your house.

“It was selfish. And not just towards me.”

At that, she walks away from the kitchen and upstairs to start packing. Joel takes this as his moment to leave, wandering to go find Ellie to tell her to spend the night at Dina’s. He thinks about going to Tommy’s, to tell him everything even though Joel’s sure that he already knows. Instead, he continues to wander, not quite ready to face you and tell you what he’s been too foolish to admit to himself.

Taps sound softly against your front door, three quick and one lingering - Joel’s signature knock. The nerves tossing in your stomach ease at the thought of him being near again, only to wash right back when you open the door. It’s a split second that you see the heartache in his expression before he’s smiling with tender sympathy, but it sticks in your mind. Did he want to stay married that badly? Was this all just fun for him? Just an affair?

The thoughts tamper in your mind when he steps inside the entryway, brawny hands cupping your cheeks to study your eyes before they drop to your waist and wrap his arms around you in a secure embrace. His gentleness is enough to bring tears back to your eyes, some spilling over as he tucks his head into your neck and takes deep, shaky breaths. One of your hands caresses the back of his head, the other holding tightly to his bicep to keep him close. Nothing is said for minutes, the two of you standing there with the front door wide open.

It’s only when you hear his sniffle muffled against your neck, your immediate reaction is to hold him close and rasp out, “Oh, Joel…It’s okay. We’ll figure it out if you have to stay -- if it’s easier to…” You can’t bare to finish the sentence - if he had to stay with her, if he wanted to stay, you knew you couldn’t last.

He pulls out of the crook of your shoulder, glossy eyes meeting yours with deep contrite behind them. He shakes his head slowly, calloused fingers tracing along your jaw before cradling your cheek. You can see in his eyes the moment his heart breaks just a fraction more, and you’re convinced the next thing out of his mouth is going to be that he has to leave you, for good.

“Darlin’, no. That’s not why - I’m not - Shit, I’ve really messed this up.” He turns away from your stare, your anxiousness returning tenfold with this reaction. He takes your hand, shuts your front door gently, and guides you over to the sofa.

He sits first, delicately handling you into the spot next to him. He cheats his body towards you, hands intertwining with yours. You look down at his larger ones encompassing yours, placed together in your lap. His thumbs soothe your skin, lulling the tightness in your chest to relax some with the comfort of his touch.

“Look at me, sweet girl.”

His croony voice pulls your attention away, following the tender command. The twang of his voice is coming out more with his emotion and it tugs your heart that you only get to hear it at its purest when he’s upset.

“Did you think I was coming here to tell you I was staying with her?”

The directness of the question steals the air from your lungs, your mouth agape when you scramble to try to cover up the clearly obvious thoughts you were having. It was as if he was inside your head, and at this moment, you didn’t necessarily appreciate how vulnerable it made you feel. He takes your silence as an answer, nodding to himself while he murmurs under his breath. Joel takes a deep breath before his gaze locks on yours.

“She’s leaving me. I told her the whole truth. And now I’m here to tell you all of the truth that I told her. It’s the least that you deserve.”

His eyes have glossed over again, no tears daring to spill out -- he’s trying to keep it all in, but you can see his emotion despite his best efforts. You’ve never seen Joel this unguarded, and it breaks your heart that he’s feeling this pain. You want to tell him that he doesn’t have to tell you anything, that he doesn’t owe you anything. But you also don’t want to close him off again, to brush this all under the rug.

“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need anyone else. I knew from that first conversation with you. That beautiful damn smile did me in the second I saw it. Hell, I’m pretty sure even Tommy and Ellie knew from that moment. I was so scared. I didn’t want to ever fail you, so I didn’t even give myself the chance to try…But I wanna try now. Completely. No more hiding, no more secrets. Just us. I love you, darlin’. Been in love with you for ages, I just couldn’t pull my head out of my ass long enough to say it to you.”

A jolt of adrenaline is shot through your body, jitters lightening your limbs as your heart beats faster. The words that you have been waiting for, dreaming of, just said so matter-of-factly by him. It feels like a figment of your imagination, so unbelievable to you at this moment that your hands reach for his chest, checking to make sure he’s really there.

A light chuckle leaves his mouth, his hands coming up to lay over yours, holding them against his pounding heartbeat. Once you believe that he’s really there, your eyes trace up from his chest. Pure affection oozes out of his brown eyes, the tiniest smile tugging the corners of his lips as he awaits your response.

You realize it’s been silent for a minute, the surprise of this conversation stealing your words. Hands press harder into his strong sternum, weight supported by him as you shift to kneel over him. You lean down and slant your mouth against his in a ghostly kiss. His mouth chases yours when you pull your head back, eyes locked into each other’s when you finally respond before kissing him passionately.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to realize that.”

It’s been a few weeks since that afternoon. Heather completely moved out of Joel’s, leaving the house with just him and Ellie again. He’s told Ellie, not the full extent of everything that’s happened because she’s only fifteen, but that he and Heather are separated and that the two of you are together. He knows she’s not naive, especially after all that she’s been through, but he couldn’t really find the courage to face her and tell her the whole truth about his stupidity. So, the rest of the gaps are to be filled in by inference or imagination.

He’s told Tommy the whole truth, though. Another reason for Maria to dislike him, especially because she was friendly with his now ex-wife. Tommy is his brother, at the end of the day, and despite him not condoning Joel’s actions over the last year, he’s said that he can’t help but feel relieved that this can all be put behind them. And that his brother, and you, his close friend, can be happy together.

Joel’s asked you to move in about four times now. Each time he asks, he knows the answer, but he can’t help but try again in the slight chance that it’s changed. You always tell him that you will, eventually, but you don’t think it’s the best idea right now. Especially with all of the shit that you have been getting that Joel seems to be ignoring.

Time passing means it’s also been a few weeks since you and Joel have been able to be around each other publicly. To express your affection, hold hands, kiss. It all feels so foreign - like you still have the risk of being caught when people look at the two of you. It doesn’t help with the glares or dirty looks you get from some people of Jackson. It festers the growing mold of insecurity in you, feeling the guilt of breaking up a marriage, even a loveless one.

The worst instances have been when you’ve been at work and Joel stops in, either on his own or with Tommy and some patrol guys. Nothing has changed from his routine before, but now he doesn’t have to hide his reactions to your hands brushing when you pass him a drink or wait around all night just to be able to kiss you and walk you home.

Joel’s handsy, to say the least. Especially with a drink or two in him. He’s constantly running a hand down your side or to your ass when you bring over a tray of drinks to the high-top table he and his buddies are at. Or he’s leaning over the counter to grab a kiss from you when you drop a glass of whiskey in front of him. He’s even gotten to a point where he was tipsy enough to climb behind the bar in the opening at the end, stealthily creeping up behind you as you organize glasses to wrap himself around you and give you a sloppy kiss. He’s cheered on by his cohort and all but chased out from behind the bar by his brother who grumbles annoyances as Joel shoots a cheeky wink in your direction.

All of his displays make you smile, and you haven’t been happier to finally have Joel to yourself and for everyone to know just how in love with you he is. But, it hasn’t made it any easier when you hear all of the nasty things said about you.

The worst of it comes one night when you’re working. Joel’s been put on an evening patrol shift, but he’d promised to swing by the Tipsy Bison to pick you up and take you back to his to spend the night.

Most of the shift comes and goes uneventfully - some friends stop in and keep you entertained for a few hours, the music playing not making you want to bang your head against the wall. Tommy’s working with you tonight, having taken some time off of patrol to help out more around the house and with his now one-year-old son. He approaches you at the bar polishing glasses, nodding to a group of women around a table that are on their fourth or fifth round of the night.

“Think you can take the next round over to them for me? Really gotta take a piss.” You laugh at Tommy’s excuse, nodding and taking the order from him.

“You could just ask, y’know. Didn’t need the extra information.” He rolls his eyes and quickly jets off to the bathrooms. You prepare the cocktails and grab the two beers from the fridge, arranging everything on a tray to make your way over to the ladies.

About three paces away, you tune into their conversation and your stomach sinks to your feet.

“Can you believe that she can still show her face around here? I would be holed up in my house if I were her.”

“She probably feels great about herself. I bet she’s going after the other brother now, have you seen them joking around all night with each other? She’s basically throwing herself at him. What a slut.”

“I think I’ll actually feel bad for Joel if that happens. But, you know what they say, once a homewrecker, always a homewrecker.”

“She probably gets off on being the mistress or something. Adds the excitement since she’s probably gotten fucked every which way at this point in her life.”

Tears prick your eyes and you blink them away, steel expression as you close in on the table. You stay silent as you deposit the drinks on the surface, turning away with the tray under your arm only to hear one of them shout after you.

“Homewrecking whore!”

They dissolve into cackles, the tables around them all now talking in hushed tones as they stare at you. The burn of humiliation creeps up your neck, watery eyes bubbling over. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you break, you’re already pathetic enough right now without them seeing your face. Your legs book it into the bathroom after throwing the drink tray onto the counter, the black plastic skidding to a stop in front of the younger Miller.

Tommy’s heard what was shouted, the bullies snickering away and satisfied. Anger bites in his throat and he holds back from shouting across the room. Instead, he saunters over and starts picking up the nearly full drinks onto the tray again, the group staring at him incredulously.

“Excuse me, we’re drinking those?”

He simply shakes his head, smiling politely at them.

“Nah, you’re leaving. Now. And you’re gonna stop harassing people if you wanna come back.”

At that he walks away, dumping the drinks in the back bar sink and watching the group exit in a huff.

When you come out of the bathroom puffy-eyed and see the empty table, the thought occurs to you that Tommy must have said something. You give him an appreciative smile, and he says nothing more of it for the rest of the shift.

Your mind continues to replay all of the horrible things they said about you, starting to wonder if there was a layer of truth to it. You were distracted for the rest of the night and when you escaped back to the stock room to pull what was needed at the end of the night, Tommy took the opportunity to pull Joel aside when he walked through the doors to pick you up.

“Don’t tell her that I told you this, but something happened at work tonight.” Tommy keeps his voice down from the lingering patrons, one arm across his torso, the other holding his hand to his mouth to pinch his lip. His eyes dance around to make sure there’s no one eavesdropping.

“What? What are you saying, what happened? Is she okay?” Joel’s brow furrows, feet stepping towards the back to find you. He worries immediately, his mind used to jumping to the worst scenarios from the shit that he’s seen.

“She’s in one piece, quit panicking. Just, some unsavory things were said. There’re this group of women that were drunk, but I think they said some stuff about her. All I heard was what they shouted at her when she walked away, called her a ‘homewrecking whore.’”

Joel grimaces, his heart breaking at the thought of you being subjected to such torment. His temper swells in his chest, and his first thought was to go find whoever it was and sling insults right back to them. It wasn’t even true, he was the one who got you all into that mess, but of course, to an outsider looking in, they were going to blame the third party involved in a marriage that fell apart.

Joel nods in understanding, not willing to dare repeat what Tommy said, the words sitting bitterly in his mouth while he leans against the counter waiting for you.

Your eyes are trained down when you enter the main room again, counting the stock of the bottles in your hands under your breath. At someone’s throat clearing, your head snaps up and the slightest smile grows on your face at the sight of Joel leaning over the bar with a gentle, boyish grin.

“Hey, sweet girl. Boss man says you can head home early with me.” He jerks his head in Tommy’s direction, his brother smiling with a hand raised in a wave. You smile wider, waving your thanks back as you set the box of bottles on the counter. Making your way out and over to Joel, his arms scoop you up against him with a sigh of contentment.

“Missed you, darlin’. You ready to head home?” His lips press into your hair at the top of your head, the tiniest bit of tension from the night relaxing in his embrace.

“Ready. Let’s go home, cowboy.” Joel chuckles lightly at the nickname, keeping one arm wrapped around you as you both start down the gravel street. He recounts his shift with you, telling you about a family of bunnies he saw to cheer you up and cracking a couple of jokes. You barely smile in his direction, laughing a beat too late when you register that he’s been jesting with you, much too quiet for your normal, bubbly self. You act completely cold about it all, with no anger or emotion burning in you to share with him. It squeezes his chest, the fact that you’re in pain and keeping it distant from him. Those horrible fucking words that he wishes he could just wipe from your brain sit sour in his mouth. All he wants is to block them out so you never have to hear them again because they are the furthest thing from the truth.

He wishes you would tell him what happened tonight; you feign an uneventful evening when he asks about your night. All he wants to do is reassure you, but without you opening up, he doesn’t want to push you if you don't want to talk about it.

The two of you walk into his house, trailing up lazily to the bedroom. Per your request, the room has been rearranged and the bedding has been changed to an extra set you had at home, making the space once again solely Joel’s. Instead of bits of her sprinkled into the space, there are pieces of you lying around that make his heart beat a little faster and a smile crosses his face each time he notices them. Clothes in his dresser, earrings on the nightstand, the book you’re reading on the desk where it’d been left this morning.

Changing from your work clothes, you leave them hanging over the chair. Your pajamas are a pair of boxers that he hasn't touched since moving to Jackson and one of his old t-shirts, the fabric worn in just the right way to make it ideal for sleeping. He strips down, slipping on a pair of grey sweats and staying shirtless. He crawls onto his unmade bed, peeling back your side, and patting your spot, a soft smile on your face as you take the invitation.

Joel’s hands find your waist, bunching up the cotton of his t-shirt to press his palms to your warm skin. He dips his head down to your chest, nuzzling his hooked nose against your breasts. He presses sweet kisses to the soft cushiony tissue, forehead resting on your sternum. He hums against the fabric covering you, lifting his hands at your hips to pull the hem further up. You relax under his affection, quiet, breathy sighs leaving your lips.

“My sweet girl, can I help get you out of your head?” Joel’s question sends a wave of arousal between your legs, his broad frame rolling you from your side to your back. He moves to hover over your form from the side, hands coasting over your curves. Thumbs tweak your nipples through your shirt, a whimper falling from your lips. Your complete trust and devotion stare back at him as you fully comply with his request.

“Please distract me.”

Joel groans at your submission, eyes blown wide with hunger and awe.

“Gonna give you exactly what you need to feel better, baby. Gonna remind you how much I love you.” He pulls your shirt over your head, tossing it over the side of the bed. Lips attach to the supple peaks of your breasts, sucking gently and pulling moans from your lips. He works the opposite one with his fingers, swapping his attentive mouth when he feels you arch your back to press your chest into his face. His lips separate from your nipple, hot open-mouthed kisses trailing down your stomach. Every few, Joel’s tongue slips out and skates against your skin, the sensation rippling goosebumps along the surface.

Once he reaches the waist of the boxer shorts you’ve got on, he sits up to admire your form under him. The spots of his saliva glisten in the low, yellow lamplight, your breasts perked up as they rise and fall with your shallow breaths. His fingers hook into the elastic band, slipping them down and sending you soft praise when you lift your hips for him.

“Good girl.”

The shorts join your shirt, rumpled on the floor somewhere. Joel sits back on his heels, gripping your ankles gently to bend your knees and spread your legs open for him. You mold to his positioning like clay, one leg falling to the side lazily to put your glistening cunt on display for him. His tongue wets his lips as he drinks the sight of you up, wishing he was any good at drawing or painting so that he could reproduce you like the work of art you are.

His touch floats up your calves and your velvety thighs, focus zeroing in on the dripping folds in front of him. He shimmies down the bed onto his tummy, arms hooking under your thighs to pull you closer to him. He rests on his elbows partially, and you watch as his gaze becomes fully entranced by the vision of your wet arousal that is all for him.

“You’re so beautiful, darlin’. Everything about you, but especially this gorgeous pussy of yours. She’s just weeping for me, isn’t she? You want me to take care of her? Show her she’s mine? Show you how much I love you?” His words only cause more dampness to flood your core, soft whines drawing out of you as you move to sit up. You lean back on your hands, desperate to watch every detail unfold of your man worshipping you from between your legs.

“Please, Joel. Pretty please,” you mewl.

A satisfied smirk crosses his face, loving how desperate you get for him. His eyes fall to the space between your legs, his mouth salivating. He leans in, letting spit drip onto the coarse curls that cover your mound, his hardening cock twitching as part of him coats your sex, marking you as his in addition to the love bites waxing and waning in phases across your body. He reaches a hand around your leg, coating his fingers with your wetness and using it to mix and smear his spit and your arousal all over the hair and skin there.

He presses a delicate kiss to your hood, the contact sending a jolt to your thighs and jerking your hips. One large hand pushes down on your stomach to keep you in place as he swipes his tongue from your taint to your clit, the tip of it slipping in to tease your entrance as it skates along through your slick. He savors the taste of you, a sharp sweetness that’s become his favorite flavor.

A groan rumbles from his chest, vibrating against you before his mouth sucks at your clit. Moans tumble from your mouth, breath hitching as you inhale when his tongue moves down, pressing into your entrance slightly. Like eating ice cream in a heatwave, he moves to catch any dripping arousal with his mouth or chin, your name falling from his lips as he feels himself achingly hard in his sweatpants against the mattress. He starts to fuck his hips into the cushiony material, tongue easily slipping in and out as he starts to thrust in your cunt.

“Fucking love your little sounds. Love how sweet you are for me, darlin’. Never gonna get enough.”

Fingers work circles in your clit, the motions tightening the knot in your stomach. Your head falls back with a moan of Joel’s name, chest rising and falling rapidly as you try to keep breathing while your pleasure builds its pressure inside of you. His mouth and fingers swap positions, suckling at your clit with lewd noises while two of his large fingers slide in between your walls. His hand fucks your tight pussy, praises rasped against your mound as he takes a breath to press kisses against the curls there. Another finger is added, the girth of all three working you towards your bliss.

“Fuck, ‘m so close, baby. Gonna come, oh my god. Feel so good.” Your voice is high-pitched, whining as the pressure pushes harder inside of you, taut coils ready to snap.

Joel looks up at you, pupils completely blown wide in ecstasy. His hips still work his hard cock against the mattress, his own release building inside of him.

“Be my sweet girl, come on my mouth.”

With his words and his lips attached to your cunt again, the pressure built in you releases with a mind-clearing, blinding pop. Your wanton moans echo in the room, the bawdy sounds of your pleasure and your wetness mixing together as Joel continues to work you through your orgasm.

His hips move faster as he watches you come undone from his handiwork, the noises you’re making sending him over the edge. He comes in his sweatpants with a moan of your name, dry humping the mattress like a teenager. He feels like he should be embarrassed, but after all that he just witnessed from you, it’s a miracle he didn’t bust when you simply opened your legs for him.

Untangling himself from you, he excuses himself to the bathroom to clean himself up, throw his pants in the hamper and grabs a warm, damp washcloth for you. He patters back over to the bed and takes care of you, discarding the washcloth and gently closing your legs. He climbs back into bed with you, pulling the covers up once again. He nestles in behind you, curling his frame around you protectively. Your mind’s foggy from your orgasm and exhaustion floods over your body, no protest from you as you start to drift. He nuzzles into your hair, pressing a delicate kiss at the back of your neck as he whispers to you.

“It’s only you, darlin’.”

Another month passes after that night at the bar where you heard what was being said about you around town. The gossiping didn’t stop, especially when people found out that you had finally caved in from Joel’s relentless (yet charming) pleads and agreed to move in with him and Ellie.

Everyone seemed to have an opinion on how fast you both had moved, how you were shoving everything in his ex-wife’s face, how you were staking your claim so publicly and like a “whore.” Whatever it all meant, it was heard in whispers at the bar, in the market, in town meetings, you name it. If you were present, people were talking.

It influenced you the more you heard it; the repetition of it all made it sound like truth to your weak mind. You kept these feelings of guilt and shame inside, burying them deep in an attempt to keep everything copacetic for Joel. He was happy these days, smiling more and cracking jokes. He was more involved in the community and Ellie also found her place with Joel behind her and fully content in Jackson. You dreaded being the one to cause any more problems than you already did for the last year and a half, so you shut your mind up in an attempt to compartmentalize.

If Joel didn’t know what all was being said, that was for the best. You weren’t going to be the one to burst the love bubble that he had for you, so you were just going to keep cool and try to get out of your head about everything that was left undiscussed.

But, that only made going into town and going to work hell. You weren’t acting like yourself anymore, no small talk with customers or catching up with neighbors and friends that would come to visit you. You did your job and walked home each night silently, even when you were with Joel. Every shift you would hear some new comment or rumor about you, adding it to the file that you had accumulated in your mind. Your subconscious flicked through it every night in your dreams, pulling out some of the worst to relive when you should have been dreaming of being happy with the man lying beside you.

The guilt was pulling you under, each new comment acting like a brick to weigh you down into the sea of liability and disgrace you were lost in. There was shame over how you were characterized in the outcome of all of this, guilt over breaking up his marriage, anxiety over becoming a burden to Joel and anchoring him down into the depths again. You’d thought it all would wash away with the changing of tides, since you and Joel could be together openly, but it only brought you to the ocean floor while Joel was floating on the waves above you.

It was an evening that Joel had off, opting to stay in and play Boggle with Ellie. You left the two of them to head to work after playing a few rounds yourself, both you and Ellie completely annihilating Joel. The acid in your stomach sloshed around, pressure building in your torso and pushing the burning sensation up your chest and into your throat as your steps closed in on the Tipsy Bison. Your tongue feels heavy and dry in your mouth, breaths jagged as you attempt to calm yourself outside the wooden building. You stand there for what feels like an hour, wrangling all your anxiety into a small lump in your throat. This is where it would sit for the rest of the night until you could finally let it all back out on your walk home.

The beginning of your shift was normal, nothing said to or about you. That all changed, though, when the person you least expected to see comes and sits on the stool in front of where you’re polishing glasses.

Heather.

Your eyes widen in surprise and nervousness, the lump in your throat starting to seep its way back into the burning acid of your stomach and the tightness of your chest. Ears brace themselves for either an insult or something degrading to be thrown your way. After a beat of silence, you scramble to resolve the awkward tension.

“I can get Tracy to serve you, she’s just over--”

“No, no that’s not necessary. If you’re fine with serving me, that is.”

You nod quickly to relieve the discomfort, your people-pleasing tendencies rearing their ugly head. You actually don’t want to be serving her, but you also really don’t want more drama to inevitably spread about you walking away to get someone else for her - there’s no chance that it wouldn’t be spun against you.

“Um, yeah no, totally cool. What can I get ya?”

She gives you her order and you quickly make it up, depositing the glass in front of her. Silence falls between the two of you again, but this time she’s the one to break it.

“So, um, how are you? How’s work?”

The questions take you off-guard. You were friendly with Heather before, as her neighbor you would bring over extra garden crops and she would offer to mend clothes of yours. She was always polite and made small talk with you. Well, that was before she knew you were fucking her husband.

“It’s good, I guess. Not much to change around here. How’re things at school? You’re still teaching there?”

You're an idiot. Why are you continuing this conversation as if you guys are long-time acquaintances? You’re trying to be cool about it, just ignore the elephant in the room, but something’s gotta give at one point, right?

“Things are great. We’ve got some open volunteer positions if you’d be interested. It wouldn’t be with me if that’s a concern.”

“No - no. I mean, I’d love to volunteer for Ellie’s class if there’s anything…” you trail off, the thorny pricks of awkwardness becoming too much for you. You start to speak, only to hear Heather at the same time.

“Listen, I really am sor--”

“It’s not all your fault--”

The two of you laugh lightly, tension coating the conversation. Your eyes glance around at anything but Heather’s face before finally meeting her gaze and nodding for her to go first.

She clears her throat, adjusting her position on the stool before starting again.

“It’s not all your fault that my marriage fell apart. I mean, yeah, you’ve got some culpability in the fact that you were having an affair with Joel, but he also told me that you had been with him before we even dated. And, as a woman myself and someone who fell for Joel, my best guess is that you’ve been in love with him since that first time. And Joel told me - what he felt for you the whole time, too. I just, I wanted to say to you that I don’t blame you. Joel is the one who made a stupid, selfish decision that affected both of us. Having an affair with him? Yeah, not really great, but I’ve thought about it for a while, and I would’ve done the same if it were my first husband. He was the love of my life, and I never wanted to lose him. So, yeah. I wanted to tell you that I understand. And I completely despise what everyone says about you. It’s disgusting, and I’m so sorry you have to hear that all the time.”

She’s apologizing to you. The woman whose husband you had an affair with. Granted, she was right that you were together once before they even dated. And that you’ve loved him ever since. But there is actually no sane world in which she should be apologizing to you. Have you made the impression that you were expecting this? Was she feeling guilty towards you?

All of these thoughts eat away at you, crashing around your mind and making that burning pressure alive again in your gut. You chew your lip, eyes wide, and stare a thousand miles away. Remorse overtakes your mind, words caught in your throat.

Why couldn’t she have just come in here guns blazing? Screamed at you? Called you all those names you’ve heard for weeks?

Her being cruel would be way better than her being kind, understanding even.

It makes your chest tighten, air squeezed out of your lungs in a panic.

You have to say something, so your voice squeaks a response.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry, too. I really didn’t want to hurt you, I just-I couldn’t let him go.”

Heather nods, a glint of a past life in her eyes. She presses her lips in a tight line before exhaling deeply. Standing from the stool, she nods again, giving you a quick goodbye and making her way out.

She really only came here to say that to you. To apologize.

You're an utter piece of shit, guilt, and shame finally filling your lungs and stealing your breath away from you.

Quickly, you turn to your nearest coworker, mumbling out an excuse that you need to leave early. Instead of waiting for any confirmation, you all but run out of the building, feet carrying you past Joel’s house with the lights still on, and past your old little cottage that now sits dormant. The overgrown lawn tugs at your heart, begging you to take care of it again. You turn back towards Joel’s, seeing him laughing with Ellie through the window, and the tugs on your heart pull harder towards them.

You pass the residential area, approaching the site you haven’t seen in months. Following around the tattered, weather-worn red siding of the old barn, the open grazing field comes into full view. You climb over the split-rail fence, mind reeling over what tonight has entailed while muscle memory carries you to the small clearing in the tall grasses.

Not even realizing you were holding your breath, a sigh escapes your lips. Dewy earth dampens the seat of your jean shorts, the sticky summer air keeping you warm. Thighs press to your chest and your arms envelope around your knees. You rest your chin in between your kneecaps, eyes combing up to the night sky above you. The lack of light pollution these days has made the stars brighter against the deep blue atmosphere. They blur from the tears welling in your eyes, one blink creating tiny streams on your face. They feed into the ocean of guilt and shame that you’ve made your home, the feeling of it’s waters choking your lungs to breath out sobs.

You sit like that for a while, fuzzy constellations kaleidoscoping in your vision. Your attention is only pulled away from the midnight blue when you hear a twig snap. Turning over your shoulder, the back of you hand wipes your eyes clear to see Joel standing behind you. Hands in the front pockets of his jeans, he stands tense and looks down at you softhearted and doleful.

Without an invitation, he closes the gap between you, groaning quietly as he bends down to take the spot next to you. You’re transported back to countless nights before, Joel and you under the same sky to spend your fleeting time together before sunrise.

“Got real worried when you didn’t come home when you usually do. Checked the bar first, and your old place. Guess I should’ve had the thought to come here a lot sooner.” His voice is low, gentle timbre vibrating the tightness in your chest and giving some slack to the taut pull of it.

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just--I couldn’t go home right away. I didn’t want to ruin your night with Ellie…” your own voice is meek, cracking slightly from disuse. You sniffle, the back of your hand swiping under your nose and the heel of your palm rubbing the tear stains from your cheeks. The evidence of your emotion makes you embarrassed; here you were, your anxious fears coming true -- you’re officially a burden to Joel. He’s had to cut his night short with his daughter, traipsing around town to try to find you because you couldn’t bother to swallow your sorrow and head home like normal.

“Darlin’, you don’t need to apologize. It’s okay that you needed time alone, but even if you had come home, you wouldn’t have ruined our night. We love you…” he clears his throat, tender touches tucking hair behind your ears and rubbing the nape of your neck before continuing, “What’s wrong, baby? What’s got you so upset?”

“It’s nothin’. It’s nothin’, I’m fine. Just, tough night at work…” You lie through your teeth, avoiding Joel’s gaze to keep the facade. One look in your eyes and you know he’d see right through you.

“It’s clearly not nothin’ if you’re crying about it, darlin’. You can tell me anything. I wanna help you, be there for you, protect you. Did someone say something to you? Something mean?”

Your eyes snap up to him, the knowing look on his face cluing you in that he’s known about what’s being said around town. You don’t really know what hurts more in the moment - the fact that he knew all of these horrible things were being said and he didn’t comfort you or that you’ve already been a burden to him, already been another problem for him for much longer than you thought.

You think about lying to him, but you know he would be able to tell - he can always tell - instead opting to just break down the damn of everything you’ve been feeling, letting it all rush out at once.

“It’s all of it. Everything that people are saying about me, it feels like it’s the truth. I did break up a marriage. I did have an affair for months with you; you were someone’s husband. I love you, but it doesn’t negate the fact that what happened was still wrong on some level. And what everyone’s saying about what I did, it’s made this sea of guilt and shame and I’m drowning in it. I can’t keep my head clear above water, it’s all consuming right now. And I feel so anxious about being a burden to you. You’ve been so happy lately, with us being together and living together and Ellie being adjusted. You’re so much lighter, floating even. I couldn’t bear to drag you under with me when you finally caught your breath.” It all tumbles out of you in a stream of consciousness, and in the end, Joel is silent as he takes it all in.

The thought occurs to you that you’ve been wanting to know how Joel has felt about all of it. You haven’t talked about it at all; if he felt just the same guilt and shame, maybe it could help you both work to absolve your sins. If you were in it together, then maybe you had a chance to make it to land.

“Sweet girl, I hate that you’ve been feeling that way. And I hate that you thought you couldn’t tell me, just cause I’ve been happy to have you finally and I feel like we’re creating a lil’ family. But, I have to say, I ain’t got any regrets. I’ve got you now, I’ve got you in our home and with my daughter, it’s all that matters to me. I couldn’t care less about anything that people are saying about you, it makes me pissed, but getting angry at ‘em just fuels the fire. We can just move on, darlin’. We should just live our lives, fuck whoever doesn’t want to be happy for us.”

Bile creeps up and scorches your throat, a whirlpool swirling in your stomach and the choking feel back in your lungs. You hold it all in, letting Joel wrap his arms around you and pull you up to take you home.

Does he really have no regrets? Would he still get married if he was given another chance? Would he still choose to put you through this pain that has been a constant dull in your heart for the last year and a half? Would he choose the path that makes you the target of so much contempt, disgust, antipathy from so many?

Those thoughts have plagued you for days now. You had swallowed your searing pain, the guilt cold in your lungs as the hurt settled in your stomach, seeping throughout your body to make your limbs tender and heavy. Every step felt like it took too much effort, every fake smile plastered on your face made your cheeks sore in the wrong way. You had become a method actor in your own life, optimistic contentment used as a mask to hide the truth. You went through the motions of the days off you had, enjoying breakfast with Joel and Ellie, laughing at their bickering, and making them both their favorite way to eat eggs - Joel’s scrambled and Ellie’s over medium. You were a family, just as Joel had said, and you were playing the role of the dutiful, delighted partner.

Once they both left for the day, you deflated. Took off the mask and stared at yourself in the mirror, taste of bitter metal in your mouth as you watched the remorse, the regret crawl out of your chest and into your eyes, across your face. It disgusted you, angered you, yet you forced yourself to study it, punished yourself because everyone had told you that you should.

That was how it had gone for the last handful of days. Today was your first day back at work, and you got ready outside of the bathroom to avoid facing the hideous manifestations of your sins. Exiting your shared bedroom, your face pulled tight again, smile ghosting across your lips and eyes crinkled with subtle joy. Joel was standing at the bottom of the stairs, kneeling to lace up his boots. At the sight of you, he grinned and stood up, hands reaching for your waist and pulling you in for a chaste kiss.

Part of you wondered if he could taste it on you - the bitter, sour feeling that sat in your mouth. How much his lack of regret had crumbled any resolve you had left, any room for forgiveness you had in yourself.

He walked you to work before heading off on patrol. Walking inside, you instantly wanted to turn back and hide away at home for weeks longer. The thought of having to keep up your act for the whole night was making you nauseous. An hour into your shift, you couldn’t take the feeling anymore, so you snuck a shot of whiskey to attempt to take the edge off. The tingle of the alcohol soothed the lump in your throat, warming your cold chest and settling your woozy stomach. It gave you a break, for just a moment.

You chased that moment of peace all night, taking pulls whenever you could. You chatted more with patrons and coworkers, bubbling up giggles as your brain shut off from your inebriation. It was so tranquil to not have that frigid shame in your lungs, the thoughts of all that has been said to hurt you in the last few months silenced, even the voice of Joel saying he has zero regrets about what he’d done is muffled.

No wonder why Joel got drunk all the time at the beginning of this. It’s the only medicine that works for guilt.

By the end of your shift, you’re nearly wasted. Not quite to a level where you’ve lost motor skills but to the point where your eyes lids feel heavy, your vision is blurred on the edges, and your words start to slur together. When you’ve snuck to the backroom to take another swig, pushing the limit of how drunk you can get in the next ten minutes before your shift ends, Joel saunters into the bar. His eyes scan the room for any sight of you, pouting slightly when he comes up empty. Tommy’s working tonight, so he makes his way over to the end of the bar where his brother stands. Joel leans against the counter, nodding a greeting to Tommy and asking where you’re at.

Tommy looks at him, lips pressed together and eyebrows raised. He glances back at the entrance to the stockroom before leaning in.

“She’s back there. Probably downing a couple more shots of whiskey.”

Joel’s eyes widen and his brow shoots up, a look of shock at what Tommy’s said. It’s not like you to drink at work, hell, you barely ever have a nightcap when the place is all cleared out. Joel can count the number of times he’s seen you drunk on one hand, and this is certainly not an occasion that would have you indulging. He clears his throat, eyes focused back on his brother.

“She’s drinking at work? Is she drunk?”

As Tommy opens his mouth to respond, the door to the stockroom swings on its hinges and you stumble out while whistling. The moment would normally make Joel chuckle, the way you’re completely carefree is somewhat endearing to him. But right now, he can’t help but worry that something else has happened to make you upset, and this time you’ve taken a coping mechanism out of his book.

Your mouth forms a perfect circle, surprise washing over your expression as you look around for anyone to share your reaction. A small burp comes from behind the hand you put up to your mouth, down turning your gaze away from him. Feet shuffle along to Joel, arms crossing over your chest as if the warmth in your chest will heat you up like sitting in front of a fire.

“Well, hello there, darlin’. Feeling good?” He chuckles lightly to hide his concern, Tommy backing up from the two of you and quickly making an exit from what is bound to be a bit of an awkward moment.

Painted smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, hand reaching for his as a hiccup shoots from your chest.

“Guess so. Turned my brain off for the night, ‘was nice.” It was just what he was panicked about. That you had done what he had done so many months ago, gotten drunk out of his mind to grapple with all the remorse he had felt constantly.

He hated that you felt the same. He was the reason you were going through this. His actions hurt you, even beyond the time that you were his secret. He failed to pull you out with himself, leaving you to take on the weight of all that he had done, sinking you deeper while he had made it to the surface.

A stiff smile stretches across his face, hand reaching for the small of your back to guide you home.

“Alright, let’s get you home, sweet girl. Think you might need to clock out for the night.” He sends Tommy a wave and you turn to do the same, tripping over your feet. Joel catches you at your waist, righting you on your way out. He keeps a hand on you, eyes trained on your profile to keep watch. You keep your stare ahead, silencing falling over the two of you.

The fresh air has sobered you up some, thoughts infesting your mind again. The alcohol has kept you from getting back into the act that you’ve kept up around Joel, even working your blood to boil with anger towards him for the words that have been branded into your heart.

I ain’t got any regrets.

“Fucking bullshit.” You think out loud and the words stop Joel in his tracks. Brows furrow in confusion as his lips pucker to one side.

“What’s that, darlin’?”

“It’s fucking bullshit, Joel.”

He laughs apprehensively, unsure of where this is going. The words cut with bitterness behind them, and he can see in your eyes there’s pain burning.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I’m gonna need a little more from you.” He tilts his head to the side, the line between his brow deepening.

You can’t hold it in any longer, a river of anguish, guilt, pain, and more rushing out of you.

“How you just can get over it! We can just act like everything’s fine and nothing is fucked up about the way we got together! And you can feel all the relief of not having to hide an affair from your wife anymore and not hiding me, but now I’ve been passed the massive fucking weight. Now I’m known as the homewrecker, the slut, the mistress. You’re still Joel. It’s always ‘There’s Joel and the homewrecker. She’s so bold to be able to be with him after she broke apart a marriage.’ It feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water sometimes like this huge sea of guilt is going to drown me. I can’t understand how you can just have no regrets about it all when it’s hurt me so much. How I loved you, still love you so fucking much despite how much pain you’ve given to me. Purposefully or not, it all hurts the same. I’m so glad that you can show everyone that you love me, but I can’t keep pretending like we’re the picture-perfect couple and make a home together and live life now without addressing all of this shit. I can’t just pretend to be cool about it anymore.”

Tears have poured out of your eyes in the middle of everything, mixing with the runny nose that you sniffle back. You probably look a mess, but you can’t bring yourself to wipe it away. You want the sight to face Joel along with your words. You need him to see it all, to realize how much you’ve been harboring, how badly you need him to take some of the weight off of your chest before the water fully fills your lungs and takes you under completely.

Joel's tears burn his own eyes as he sees exactly what his stupidity has caused. He thought he could help you get over it by acting like he had moved on in hopes that you would do the same. That you guys could start fresh, leave it all behind. It was another stupid choice that he’d made. Of course, you couldn’t leave everything in the past; the way you built your relationship was in secret, hidden away. Of course, you should have been given reassurance when the two of you could finally be together. He should’ve shut everyone up instead of hoping that the insults and rumors would die out. Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.

He had more regrets now than he ever did.

His voice is thick when he finally responds, hand reaching up to grasp at the nape of your neck and the other on your cheek, holding your gaze in his.

“Of course I have regrets. I said that to try to put that thought in your head. I thought if you heard that I felt that way, you would start to feel it, too. That you could let go, be the carefree, light person that I fell in love with. That I am in love with. I am so sorry that you feel like you are carrying this all by yourself. I have so much remorse for the past. I tell myself every day that if I could go back, I would have never doubted what we could be together. That you loved me completely, that I wouldn’t fail you. I choose you, over it all. I love you so much, and I am so sorry that I’ve hurt you. You don’t ever have to pretend around me. I’m the only other person who could understand what you’re feeling, I want you to tell me everything. Yell at me, cry about it to me, whatever you need to do. But please, don’t keep it from me. I should’ve reassured you. I should’ve been honest with you. I should’ve protected you, told everyone in this fucking town what I think of anything they have to say. I am so sorry that I failed you. You’re it for me. This has to work. I will do anything to make this work and to make you happy, 'cause I have no clue what I’d do without you. I finally have my shot at a life with you, and I’m not giving that up.”

His words drive a knife into your chest - you realize that his biggest fear has come true. He’s failed you. Or thinks he’s failed you.

Yes, his actions have hurt you, but for a long time, you were choosing the pain. And yes, you’ve taken on the guilt for both of you, and you realize you are still choosing the pain, but this time it's all too much to take on alone.

Not once did you think he failed you. You’ve thought you would fail him, dull him, lose him. That you couldn’t work through your own shit to be happy with him. Both of you have avoided communicating and miscommunicated at the same time.

The two of you have been so absorbed in trying to give the other what you thought they needed, that you’ve ended up doing the opposite.

Truth was, that you both needed the same things from each other. You needed the other to fully knock down the walls, to be vulnerable, to be honest. You both tried so hard to placate the other, to make the other one feel better about everything, that you’ve ended up on completely opposite ends.

You can’t help but laugh. Only the two of you could be so troubled with trying to make the other happy, at ease, or content that you end up making it worse. It hasn't been easy for the last year and a half, and as soon as it could be, you've found ways to complicate it.

Joel stares at you quizzically, the sound relaxing his concern. He can’t help the grin that tugs at his lips, shaking his head in disbelief at you.

“Okay, did I say something funny? Or wrong? Is this whole thing about to be over and you’re laughing maniacally?”

That makes you giggle more, tears of laughter now rolling down your perked-up face. You catch your breath, inhaling a few times through your chuckles to finally calm down enough to speak. You press your hands to his chest in reassurance, shaking your head with a genuine smile aching your cheeks.

“No, no. Absolutely not. That was - that was exactly what I needed to hear. I just - I’m sorry, I’m laughing because we are both so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, sweet girl, it’s only me --”

“Nah, uh huh. Both. I don’t mean to call you stupid, maybe silly is a better word. We’ve just -- we’ve been so focused on trying to spare the other, to make the other happy that we’ve totally missed what we both needed. And what we need from each other is exactly the same.”

“And what is that?” His confusion has lessened, but still hasn’t left. What’s vanished has been replaced with a content smirk quipped up to the side.

“Being honest. Being vulnerable. Communicating. I should have told you how I was feeling this whole time so that you could understand, and I should have known that I could come to you even though I thought I would be a burden. I'm sorry I didn't realize that sooner. We're in this together.”

The light bulb goes off for him, eyes brightening as he comes to his own realization.

“No need to apologize, darlin'. Like you said, 'm just as guilty in this mess. We chose each other -- we should be partners, not adversaries. I should’ve been honest about how I felt about everything that happened. I shouldn’t've pretended everything was fine.”

You nod, tender smile as you stare into his eyes. Your expressions have softened, tears have dried, and every bit of pain has been replaced with forgiveness, perspective, and love. Joel chuckles himself, and you break into a fit of giggles together.

“God, we really are a pair of fools, huh?” Joel’s voice is light, teeth pulling his bottom lip under them as he gazes down at you in his arms.

“Wound up as bad comedians mocking our own lives. The creators of our own suffering.”

“Wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else, darlin’. But, do you think we could come up with something new? Maybe something actually fun?”

That makes you laugh again, Joel’s chest warming at your joy. His hands fall from your neck and face, snaking around your waist to hold you close. You nod in agreement with a gentle, content grin.

“Only the good stuff from here on out. Maybe we can even sprinkle in some shitty puns?”

“Oh yeah? Got any on your mind? Hit me, I’ll decide if it gets added to the act.”

You think for a moment, a cheeky smirk twisting your mouth.

“Hmm…how about “You must be a planet, and I must be a moon, 'cause I totally revolve around you!”

Joel’s head rolls back with a grumble of laughter, a grimace on his face once he looks at you again, shaking his head.

“'M sorry, darlin’, but that is so bad.”

“Okay, well you try it then!” The two of you start your walk back to your home, tangled up in each other. You pinch his side at the rejection, looking up expectantly.

“What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes? I guess you had to be there!” He laughs as if it’s the funniest thing, and the dad joke gives you the slightest chuckle.

“Oh, c’mon, how is that any better than mine?”

“Cause it’s actually funny! Can’t help that I’m such a natural-born comic.”

“That is such a lie. You definitely got that from ‘No Pun Intended: Volume Too.’ I know your sources, Miller.”

“Fine, fine. You got me there. Guess we'll just have to let Ellie choose the winner.”

You smile at the thought of returning home to her, warmth in your chest melting some of the guilt away as you reach the door. The two of you tumble inside together, giggling away. You toe off your shoes, and Joel watches from the entryway as he unties his boots. Flopping down on the couch next to his daughter, you’re immediately rolling into the story behind the little competition that she’s going to be the judge of. He takes in the sight under the warm lamplight, happiness swelling in his chest as he watches the two people in front of him start to playfully bicker back and forth about the best kind of joke.

It might not be a sheep ranch on the moon, but it’s certainly his dream come true.

taglist: @joelsversion @swiftispunk @beskarandblasters @aleatoria2000 @thelightnessofthebeing @mangosandmimosas @runestavia @dianaffddz @beee-haw @bigboiseason123 @xyz32 @mrsvedder12 @tuquoquobrute @moriartyyouwhore @justsumtuffstuff @tryingtonotcryconstantly @alymaliktommo @cambleuu @iwrotethissky @pascalislove @pedr0swh0r3 @agentwhiskeysgf @jenna-ortega @juniperandthornz @wildwollff @pascals-djarin @missfeanor @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @lil-stark @gracie7209 @pedrostories @nic0lodean @mymultiveres @v-mack @theelishad @cutie-with-that-booty @danelleee @harriedandharassed @mingiast (tagging some more mutuals, lmk if you want to be removed <3) @johnwatsn @undrthelights @ladamedusoif @pedrit0-pascalit0 @ruinedbylanadelrey @thetriumphantpanda @pedgeitopascal @midnightswithdearkatytspb @dinsdjrn @thepascalofus @pedgito @soaringcloud @somedayauthor @alloftheimagines @pr0ximamidnight

[aihoshiino]

hi!! this is a 'lil out of the blue but i've been thinking about chapter 132, and if you're ok with me asking, what's your opinion of ruby and nino's versions of what Ai would say? When I first read Ruby's interpretation, it didn't strike me as unlike Ai per-se, but I've gotta admit, Nino's answer rang true to me in a way Ruby's didn't. But for the life of me, I can't seem to narrow down why (´･ω･`)?

It bothers me, because while the words themselves sound plausible, Nino's interpretation of the feelings behind them is all wrong. I don't remember her exact words, but it was something like, 'she was so far above us that she wouldn't even remember what i said. my words couldn't bother her.' To Nino, its just more evidence that Ai was a perfect idol. but we know that's not true at all? in the first place, Ai had genuine trouble with her memory, even when it came to her most important people, so her forgetting something isn't the same as her like.. asserting dominance or w/e. And I'm certain, especially after chapter 133, that every time Nino said something cruel to Ai it hurt her deeply. If it looked like Ai simply brushed it off, it's because she was putting in a ton of effort to keep her head up. Knowing all that, it makes it so hard to agree with Nino. I do and I don't at the same time?

I feel nervous speculating about it because it's disrespectful to put words in Ai's mouth, but what do you think she would've done in that situation? Me personally, I think it might land somewhere between what Ruby said and what Nino said. Because Ai was constantly trying to connect and love the people around her, I can believe she'd extend kindness towards Nino like Ruby did, but at the same time she was hurting so badly that saying "it's all good" wouldn't communicate her true feelings. Being okay takes time, you can't just flip a switch on it. If anything, I think it'd thrust her into a kind of despair, where she can't communicate the true complexity of her feelings for fear of pushing Nino away, but not giving voice to them makes her feel so acutely like a liar, and the last thing she wants is to respond to Nino's genuine regret with a lie. She's so trapped in it (┬┬﹏┬┬).

sorry this is so long btw!! these characters are so easy to ramble about there's so much to them ^^;

Sorry for the wait on a response to this one! It was such an interesting question I ended up rolling it around in my head all week before I felt fully confident that I could get across how I wanted to respond to it.

What I think it ultimately comes down to for me is that Nino is not wrong in how she says Ai would respond - in fact, I think she's correct in saying that Ai would have responded in the way Nino would've wanted to hear and that she would've chosen the sort of, path of least resistance of pretending she didn't even remember she'd been hurt. This feels the most consistent to me with the invincible, flighty persona Ai puts up when she's not quite feeling 100% and it also lines up with how she describes herself in the Spica novel.

Serious talks weren't her cup of tea, and she detested the weighty atmosphere they brought. [...] So, with the same nonchalance, she declared her departure. Things always went smoother without unnecessary drama.

(source is my in-progress TL of the free preview chapter i promise i'll finish it soon [<- in tears])

Where Nino stalls is in her understanding of Ai's motivations. In her mind, the cruelty she subjected Ai to wasn't even worth remembering— Ai was invincible, untouchable and inhuman so even if her words had stung in the moment, there was no way that she'd even remember being targeted by Nino. It should go without saying that this is not reflective of the real Ai in the least.

This is why Ruby, though I don't think she quite sticks the landing, is the one of the two who actually making calls about Ai in line with who she was as a person. While she doesn't properly understand the depths to which Ai was fighting every day to just be okay with things at that moment in time, she intuits something just as important quite naturally and without even seeming to realize she's doing it— Ai's kindness, her desire to help and reach out to people and her instinctive gestures of warmth and outreach when she sees someone who's in pain. Ruby acts on this kindness with barely a moment's thought and ends up embodying the real Ai's heart so vividly.

This is why Nino reacts with such immediate derision. The real Ai's human heart is something that repulses her— she rejects it any time she catches so much of a glimpse of it. It's natural then that she'd dismiss Ruby's earnest, clumsy and honest portrayal; imperfect, but truthful in the ways that really matter.

In short, I think Nino was right, but for the wrong reasons and in turn, Ruby was wrong, but for the right reasons.

I think Ai genuinely would've forgiven Nino in her own way— to her, her expression of "Oh, did you say that?" and pretending to have forgotten it would have been her way of telling Nino it was all water under the bridge and that she has no hard feelings. We know she wanted so, so badly to be friends with the other girls in B-Komachi and I think having Nino reach out to her would have made her so incredibly happy, happy enough that she would've been tripping over herself to forgive Nino of everything if it meant not losing a chance at forming that connection.

Of course, to Nino, it just would've been more proof of how she viewed Ai and more fuel for her belief of Ai as this untouchable, inhuman idol. The sad reality is that I don't think there was ever a chance for Nino and Ai to connect once things went south. That well had been too thoroughly poisoned.

and that's why they should kiss. thank you for your time.

[lisutarid-a]

[Gakuen K] Extras Translation

Watermelon split in the Red club

LIST OF CHAPTERS

[Translation under the cut]

Totsuka: Hey, King. Are you interested in splitting watermelons?

Mikoto: I'm interested in watermelons, but I'm not interested in splitting them. It's too much trouble.

Totsuka: Ehh, it's good that it's troublesome. It's like they say, "If you don't work, you don't eat". Watermelons taste better after a hard work, don't they?

Mikoto: …What are you up to?

Totsuka: I'm not up to anything. Just…

Yata: That's terrible, Mikoto-san!

Mikoto: What's wrong?

Yata: Outside, um… It's hard to explain, anyway, please come with me!

Mikoto: …What the hell are you talking about?

Totsuka: Ah-h, I guess he's already found out.

Kusanagi: …What have you done this time?

Totsuka: Now-now, shall we go too?

Kusanagi: …It's such a shocking sight that it makes the heat outside disappear. What the heck is this large amount of watermelons?

Totsuka: Well, it's me-e.

Kusanagi: Don't answer me so cheerfully… What's all this?

Totsuka: I grew them for some reason, and the harvest was unexpectedly bountiful. I couldn't eat all of them, so I brought some with me~

Kusanagi: You, are you think of us as some kind of leftover scavengers?

Totsuka: Don't worry, we can all finish them up!

Totsuka: So, Yata, do you want to split a watermelon?

Yata: Eh, haven't you eaten it already?

Totsuka: When it comes to summer, it's no fun to just eat. Well, how about a blindfold and a stick.

Yata: Hehe! I'm gonna kill it with one shot!

Kusanagi: Yata-chan, on the right~!

Yata: Eh, on the right?

Mikoto: …Don't be fooled, it's on the left.

Yata: O-On the left…

Totsuka: Wow, King is so cruel. Yata, it's actually straight in front of you.

Yata: Seriously!?

Mikoto: Really, and which of us is being cruel?

Yata: Eeeh~~. Which direction is it really…!!

Yata: (In times like this, you have to believe in yourself)

Yata: (Before I was blindfolded, I checked the position. I must concentrate my senses on hearing and visualize my current location)

Yata: (--Here I go!)

Yata: Haaaa!!!

Watermellon?: Gyaaa!!

Yata: Hell yeah, I'm sure I did it!

Yata: --Eh, what's wrong, Kamamoto? Who did this to you!? Damn it, even when I was right beside you!

Kusanagi: He got hurt because Yata-chan was beside him. You were swinging a stick around like crazy.

Kusanagi: Mikoto, try next.

Mikoto: …Me?

Mikoto: Just one time.

Kusanagi: Don't make such a sour face. It's good sometimes, isn't it? To return back to your childhood.

Mikoto: …

Totsuka: Do you think King will split it?

Kusanagi: I'm sure he'll split it easily. That guy's sense of smell and instincts are extraordinary--.

Totsuka: Eeeh, I didn't know watermelons could burn like this~

Kusanagi: This is no time to impress!

Kusanagi: Hey, Mikoto. Why did you burn the watermelon?

Mikoto: This is quicker than swinging a stick. Well, it's splited, right?

Kusanagi: It's splited, but it's all burnt up. If you can't eat it, what's the point?

Totsuka: You guys are pathetic. Let me show you how to split a watermelon.

Kusanagi: Hmmm, you seem awfully confident.

Totsuka: I used to take a correspondence course on watermelon splitting. Compared to amateurs, I should be good at it.

Kusanagi: What is a correspondence course? There is no such thing as amateurs or experts in watermelon splitting…

Kusanagi: Well, whatever. Let's see how you do.

Totsuka: Okaaay. …Totsuka, ready!

Kusanagi: …

Kusanagi: …Ha?

Totsuka: I just wanted to try the Blue club's shout for once. …Okay then, here I go.

Kusanagi: …

Totsuka: All right. I've decided.

Totsuka: Here! Hit!!

Totsuka: Huh? It's a strange response…

Kusanagi: You have to swing down with more force. You hit it, but it didn't break.

Totsuka: Sorry, I was careless.

Yata: Amazing, Totsuka-san! I can't believe you got it with one hit!

Totsuka: Ri-ight? Just kidding. It was just a pure luck, a pure luck.

Yata: Is that so? But even if it's just a pure luck…!

Kusanagi: What's wrong, Yata-chan?

Yata: There is a suspicious figure there…Oh, one watermelon is missing!

Yata: Watermelon thief! I'll get you!

Totsuka: We have plenty of watermelons, so it's okay if they take one … A-ah, he's gone.

Kusanagi: It can't be helped, no one can stop Yata-chan when he's like that. We'll slice the watermelon and wait for him.

Totsuka: That's right. Huh, where's King?

Kusanagi: He said it was hot and went into the clubroom long ago.

Totsuka: Ahaha, that's so like King.

Kusanagi: …Hey, Totsuka. Was it thanks to the correspondence course that you were able to hit a watermelon with a stick?

Totsuka: That's a surprise, I didn't know Kusanagi-san would be interested.

Kusanagi: No, because it would have been really cool if it had split with a single hit.

Totsuka: Eh, so that's a reason!?

Kusanagi: Tell me. It's no big deal, right?

Totsuka: Hmmm, I wonder what should I do~

Kusanagi: I’m begging you, it's a matter of life and death!

Totsuka: …I guess so.

Kusanagi: Is that a "yes"?

Totsuka: No, I won't tell you.

Kusanagi: Why!?

Totsuka: Because, Kusanagi-san, for what it's worth, you haven't split a watermelon a single time yet.

Totsuka: As I said, "If you don't work, you don't eat". I can't tell this to someone who hasn't done anything.

Kusanagi: Damn it…I'll make you tell me one day, I swear!

[nerves-nebula]

Hi! This is going to sound weird, but you really are the only blog I know that talks so openly about abuse and strained family relationships, so I come bearing a question or more so, hope for some advice. The thing is, I don't know what is wrong with my family. Like, I know we aren't perfectly healthy and that being here makes me feel awful, but I can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong. My parents don't beat me up and they don't prohibit me from doing normal teenager stuff. But, well, one of them does yell at me and my siblings, insults me and makes fun of me when I try to respond, tells me things like "you choose to feel bad" or "you only want to move out because you don't want to have anyone reminding you have responsabilities", she marks everything I do wrong with a lot of severity, even the little things like how I put on my clothes. And the other one simply isn't present. Even when he's here he doesn't intervene, like he's some sort of spectator and not a vital part of this family. They love me and my siblings, that much I'm certain, but they completely fuck it up on a daily basis. And I feel like I have to pick up the pieces because I'm the oldest and supposedly an adult already (according to my parents) (I'm 17). I'm very tired now and don't know where I'm going with this anymore. Just, asking for some advice and hoping I'm not being too much, sorry.

HEY. THIS IS like literally the same situation as me lmao. My parents ALSO don't beat me and they also didn't generally prevent me from doing normal teen shit (ok well that ones complicated but it's w/e ). one of them is usually away as well.

it sounds like, from what you've said here, that your parents (or parent?) are emotionally abusive. my mom doesn't have to beat me to make me feel sick and paranoid for days after visiting her. both my parents have a habit of just fucking sitting back and watching horrible shit go down in our family.

my parents have fostered a culture of blanket cruelty and ridicule and disregard for people's feelings that makes living with them a fucking nightmare. it's also made all of us WORSE people to be around to the point that it's still effecting me and my siblings relationships today because we're generally just more likely to be cruel and not realize how mean we're being (examples include laughing at peoples misfortune, laughing at people's emotions, not taking someone's emotions as seriously as we should, being dismissive, being unemapthetic/unsympathetic, and a whole host of other tiny behaviors we have to consciously work on)

me and my sisters used to say that our family wasn't exactly "broken" but we are severely dysfunctional. because we couldn't exactly figure out where we fit into the broken to healthy family scale. we were definitely NOT healthy, but also definitely not "broken" so, we settled on dysfunctional.

and i've talked about this before, but my parents DO love me. they do believe that they love me, and i know that for sure. HOWEVER the WAY they love me is in a way that I refuse to accept as valid/genuine love. because if i accepted that as valid love, then i would have to accept any other abusive person or stalker's love as equally valid. if you claim to love someone and just treat them like shit all the time, break their boundaries, and dismiss their feelings, then it doesn't really matter how much you think you care about them cause you're hurting them, and refusing to change.

anyway, one of your parents severity reminded me of something! all my mom does all day is judge people. it's like, a hobby of hers. she's made me hella neurotic about appearing in public because i KNOW people like her are out there judging everyone by every possible metric. she's often needlessly cruel and very randomly strict about things (wont care one day if i wear pants/shorts to church under my dress but will have a screaming fit about it some other day) growing up with her was a nightmare because if you didn't do things the way she saw as the right way, she would mock and belittle you. and if you said that hurt your feelings she would laugh, because it's "not a big deal" or something.

the only upside to this was that me and my siblings got very, VERY good at being mean back to her. so by the time we were all teens we were like rabid dogs chomping at the bit to absolutely roast her ass.

the unfortunate side of this is that i can be very quick witted when it comes to being mean to someone i love but it takes me much, MUCH longer to think of something nice to say. which makes me seem like i don't think nice things about my loved ones. oops!

SORRY FOR THE RANT HAHA- to get back to your question, it sounds like your parents don't respect your emotions in a really damaging way, which hey, i'm sorry about.

also 17 is not basically an adult. like maybe im not the best to ask about this cause im not even over 25 yet (btw im not saying my exact age thats why i keep giving general age ranges lol) but like. 17 is absolutely not an adult. 18-19 is like, a baby adult at BEST. it sounds like there might be some parentification going on if you have to "pick up the pieces" for them because you're "basically an adult" but i'd need to know more to say for sure.

etc etc your feelings are valid or w/e. sorry not sure how to end this.

[webslingingslasher]

hello i’m a new anon, just recently became obsessed w frat peter and trouble 🫶 but OMG do i have a story for you and ur followers this happened today

so for reference i’m a 21 yr old girly girl college student okay and i was on campus today by myself getting food from a truck and i was just waiting for my order yknow and this RANDOM ASS GUY comes up to me like “…hey 👀 are u single?” and i was like 🧍‍♀️ yes and hes like oh okay i just thought u were rly cute i wanted to know if you’d want to go on a date (like this has never happened to me before)

so i gave him my number okay he texts me rigt after saying let’s have lunch on monday i said ok maybe and we’re texting i’m like so wait whats ur major how old are u blah blah blah and he doesnt answer for a bit then he CALLS ME….

he’s like yeah sry i’m a bad texter and i was just in a class presentation he’s a music major btw like giving soundcloud rapper but anyways i was like wait u never answered my question how old are u

…….BESTIE 😭😭😭😭 HE’S 32…………..

i was so awkward on the phone after he said that he was like do u still wanna have lunch? and i said i’ll think abt it… then i texted him saying sry it’s not gonna work 💔💔 HE SEEMED RLY NICE AND HE WAS KINDA CUTE (like just 🤏 a little) BUT 11 YRS??? IN THEORY YES LIKE TRUST ME I LIVE FOR A DILF ON SCREEN OR WHATEVER BUT REAL LIFE…… i don’t think i could

SO SORRY that was so long i just thought this was hilarious me and my friends were DYINGGGG on the phone ab this it feels like a cruel prank i wish he was 21 and hot 💔💔💔

(can i be 🚭 anon? it’s funny bc i vape HAHAHAH) (if that’s taken feel free to give me anything else i’m not picky!!)

'bad texter' my brother in christ, you're the generation of e-mails.

nah i'm sorry, cause even if he's attractive, he suddenly becomes gross and creepy when i think about how he's in his 30/40's hitting on me... like sir, what is wrong with you women your own age don't want you?

*backwards cap* fellow vaper, how do u do?

[septembersghost]

satellite mv anon here! 🪐 sorry for not responding sooner! you might have already found out what’s happening but just incase i’ll catch you up…

so some of this is still speculation but i believe it all started when fans noticed that the youarehome website had been updated & that hasn’t happened since the mfasr mv dropped last year! this led everyone to start getting excited that something could be coming & then HSD tweeted a link to the website w the caption “🪐” !!!!! here’s the tweet ! https://twitter.com/hsdaily/status/1652122918980026376?s=20 so that ofc led everyone to believe whatever was coming had to do w satellite!! hsd has hinted to videos in the past & gotten it right so im hoping this time is the same✨😭

meanwhile while all that was happening a new photo of Harry dropped that people are claiming looks like he’s on the set of something? this is it if you wanna see for yourself: https://www.instagram.com/p/CrmcTMvo2-7/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

idk i’m still on the fence w this bit just bc it could just be him out and about & someone took a creeper photo but fans are saying the black curtains to the left make it seem like part of a set and that he’s like all by himself in this diner ?? who knows! also i think this one fan said that back in jan someone they knew told them they were working on a mv set for Harry but she didn’t believe them until now lol. again this whole “set” portion is really just speculation and could absolutely be nothing!

so yeah i believe that’s everything that happened last night in the span of like an hour lmao! but also you’re so right what did happen to the circus video haha that was so long ago & nothing came from it. maybe this is finally it & either the “set” is nothing or they’re filming more for it? who knows w harry! im excited for whatever’s coming tho w the website! hopefully it’s a satellite mv 🥹🪐 & hopefully we know soon enough!

also jess your tags lmao SAME!! she deserves her MOMENT but the gp does not deserve her after how unnecessarily cruel they’ve been the last year! but if it means we get satellite for the one year anniversary i’ll be so happy bc we genuinely never thought he’d make her a single!! all we can do is manifest and wait to see what happens 🤍🪐✨

(sorry for the super long ask! tried to summarize as best i could! have wonderful day jess!!)

hello love!!! i'm sorry i haven't been around the last couple of days, but this was such a wonderful catch-up message to read and i enjoy your investigative skills! i see we got it confirmed today, so it looks like all the hints were right - won't it be wild if it doesn't include the canary circus scenes at all? (i just need to know what those were for! 😂) stomper the robot is adorable, i also saw a cute joke about "HARR-E" 🤖💞 i'm excited!

she deserves her MOMENT but the gp does not deserve her after how unnecessarily cruel they’ve been the last year! but if it means we get satellite for the one year anniversary i’ll be so happy bc we genuinely never thought he’d make her a single! <- RIGHT, exactly the same on all of this, satellite is so special to *us* that it makes me protective, but i also think harry has such a fondness for it as well and knows it's beloved to fans and that she deserves a moment to shine. ✨ this feels a bit like how the tpwk mv was more a gift for fans too. my heart is warm!

thank you so much, you summarized perfectly, and i hope you've had a fantatic weekend and a bright week ahead! 💖

[ibuki-loves-you]

Trigger Happy Havoc Girls with an S/O who is like Mikan

Warnings: Mikan's personality/actions

Mod Ibuki: Hey hey hey!! Sorry for the long wait on this :/ I hope it was worth it, though!

Kyoko:

Kyoko was immediately worried for your safety

She had a lot of questions

Why were you so shy? Had you been through something?

She kept those questions to herself though

If someone ever made fun of you, she’d glare

Literally just walk up to you, wrap on arm around your waist and the other on your arm

And glare

If you ever took a fall in front of her she’d carefully lean down and help you up, suggestive or not

Although she might blush a bit if it was a suggestive position

“There, you’re alright. It was just a small trip, thankfully.”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she would be appalled

“Love, I don’t want you to take your clothes off because I’m not in a particularly good mood. Bad moods are normal, that doesn’t mean you take your clothes off every time it happens. Don’t offer that to me unless you personally want to do it.”

Kyoko is not someone you can look at and feel as if she’s mad at you, because she makes it clear if she is

But if you did think she was, she’d be pretty upset

“No, love. I’m not mad. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I honestly don’t think I can be mad at you. You just seem to make everything better.”

Kyoko’s heart skips a beat whenever you’re around <3

Hina:

Hina LOVED YOU

The minute you two met she did not let you out of her sight for long periods of time

She was just worried someone would hurt you or take advantage of you

If someone ever made fun of you, she’d be so mad

No one wants to deal with mad swimmy baby

“That is so rude, you know!? That was completely uncalled for! There was absolutely no reason to say that! Now apologize!”

If you ever took a fall in front of her, she would honestly fall too just to make you feel less embarrassed

She’d cover you if need be, though

Either with clothing or with herself when she “falls”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d be in shock

Mainly because you offered it to her because you thought she was upset

“What!? Please, S/O, no! Don’t say that! Taking your clothes off won’t make me feel better, cuddles will! Get over here! Because of that statement, I demand you let me cuddle you!”

If you ever thought Hina was mad, which is rare, she’d he so upset

“Baby! No! Not at all! I could never be mad at you! I swear! Your face is just too adorable to be mad at!”

Swimmer baby just wants your happiness above all

Celestia:

Celeste would never admit it if anyone asked

But she loved you the minute she laid eyes on you

Your personality only made her want to be with you more

Not many people dared to bother you, but if an unlucky soul did try to do such a thing…

Celeste would give them a run for their money

“Are you fucking kidding me!? How dare you!? Why don’t you crawl back into whatever ditch you crawled out of and leave my significant other alone! Do I make myself clear!?” She’d turn to you and give you a soft smile. “Come on, dear. Let’s go get some tea to cheer you up, yes?”

If you fell in front of her, she wouldn’t be able to catch you without falling herself, but she’d immediately take your hands and help you up

“Come now, darling. Don’t cry, it was an accident. Everything is alright.”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, it would take a second to click

But once it did her reaction was similar to Kyoko’s

“Darling, I don’t wish for you to take off your clothes merely because Yamada put me in a foul mood. I would much rather you keep said clothes on and have a cup of tea with me, maybe some conversation as well. Please don’t offer yourself to me out of pity.”

If you ever thought she was made at you, she honestly thought she was gonna cry

“W-What? Dear, no. Not one bit. Not one ounce of me is angered by you. I love you far too much to be mad at you. Now, come here and let me hug you.”

Celeste truly does care about you, more than she has cared for anyone before <3

Sakura:

Protective

That’s it

Sakura wants your safety above all, because she knows how shy people can be taken advantage of easily

If anyone dared to make fun of you, oh boy

Sakura is fucking terrifying

“I suggest you run before I snap you in half.”

That’s all it takes to send them on their way

If you fell in front of her, she would definitely be able to catch you

And she would!

But if you did manage to miss her arms, she’d pick you right back up and hold you

“See? I got you. Everything is okay.”

If you offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d be calmer, but nonetheless upset

“Hey, don’t do that. I don’t want you because of your body. I want you because of your personality. That’s what I fell in love with. Don’t offer yourself to me, or anyone else. Ever. It’s your body, you can most certainly choose what to do with it.”

If you thought she was angry with you, she’d be so quick to tell you otherwise

“No, not at all. I am not mad in the slightest. Even if I was, I’d never take my anger out on you. That’s wrong, and I love you too much to even think about doing that.”

With Sakura as your girlfriend, you will always be protected. And that’s a promise

Mukuro:

Mukuro is shy, but definitely not as shy as you

Like Sakura, she wanted your safety above all

Let it be from others or her cruel sister

If someone ever made fun of you, she’d be pretty angry

Hell, she may put those skills of hers to good use

“Hey. Don’t let me hear you say something like that again. Ever. That’s just plain disgusting.”

If you ever took a fall in front of her, her reflexes are extremely fast, so she’d try her absolute best to catch you

More often she does, but on the off chance she’s unsuccessful, she’d apologize with a bright blush

“I-I’m sorry, love. I tried to catch you, uh, I’m sorry. Here, grab my hands.”

If you offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d immediately say no

“S-S/O! No! No, I-I don’t want you to do that! I-I’m not in a bad mood, and even if I was I wouldn’t want you to take your clothes off just to try to improve my mood! Please don’t offer that to me, that’s practically violating you! And I don’t want to do that!”

If you ever thought she was mad at you, poor girl might cry

“L-Love, I’m not mad at all. I-I promise. Even if I was mad, I don’t think it could be caused by you in all honesty. I love you, okay?”

Soldier baby’s heart go brrr

Sayaka:

Shy or not, Sayaka’s a cute blushy mess around you

She still teases you in a friendly manner, but always makes sure you know she’s only playing

If anyone over bothered you, she’d be incredibly salty

Like, pettiness and all

“Oh, so that’s how you’re gonna be? Well, I’ll have you know that my significant other is NOT gonna do that. You’re a rude person and I hope karma hits you hard.”

If you took a fall in front of her, she’d screech so sound and try to catch you, but would most likely fail

When she saw that you were embarrassed, like Hina she would trip to make you feel better

“See, S/O? It’s fine! Now we both tripped, hehe! Isn’t that funny!”

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d hug you immediately and try to make you happy

“Nope! I don’t want that, okay? I want to kiss your cute face! Not rub up on you because you want to make me happy! Now c’mere, so I can kiss your cute face!”

If you ever thought she was mad at you, though, she’d be really sad

“What? No, I’m not mad at all! Let alone at you! I promise, S/O. Even if I was mad, I’d have a peaceful conversation. Not a screaming match about it! Now, give me a hug!”

Sayaka will hug you as much as you please, as long as it makes you happy <3

Toko:

Toko thought you were annoying at first

But then she realized how similar you two were

Not long after, she fell in love with you

Just like in those cheesy novels she writes

If someone ever bothered you, she’d get pretty mad

Lowkey considers letting Syo out

“H-Hey, asshole! T-That’s a r-real d-dick t-thing to say! S-So w-why d-don’t you just g-go back to w-whatever ditch y-you crawled o-out of a-and d-die!”

If Syo was around when someone bothered you, well I think we know how that'll go

They aren't around anymore, especially if they were a pretty boy

If you ever fell in front of her, she’d lowkey get second-hand embarrassment, but would help you up anyways

“Hey, l-look, you’re fine. N-Not a scrape or anything. Y-You’re okay.”

Syo would leap into action immediately and pull you to your feet

"See!? It's like you never even fell! You're okay! No tears, I hate seeing you cry!"

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for her, she’d freak the fuck out

“W-What!? N-No! D-Don’t do t-that! K-Keep your clothes o-on! I-I’m n-not mad! E-Even if I w-was, I w-wouldn’t w-want you to s-strip! Y-You’re t-too p-pretty for t-that!”

If Syo was around, she would as well

"What!? Oh no no no, this just won't do! You're body is far to marvelous to be shown so willingly, y'know that? Don't let others see it so easy! Even if it is just me! Doesn't matter!"

If you thought she was mad at you, she’d scoff at first, but then realize you were being serious

“What? I’m not m-mad at you. W-Why would I b-be mad at y-you? I-I have no reason to b-be. D-Don’t say that, I-I’d tell you if I-I was mad at you...S-Speaking as if I-I c-could g-get mad at y-you.”

Syo would latch onto you and hug you, giving you a little spin

"No, dollface! I'm not angry at all! See? I'm happy! So happy! Especially because my baby-cakes is here! Now, c'mon! Gimme a smooch!"

Even though she’d deny it at first, Toko really does love you

[unbridgeabledistances]

hiiiiiiiii i'm here to scream about love is blind! ( paging @smokey-mickey and @grumpymickmilk <33 )

okay okay so:

we hate how much we love shayne x natalie now. like !!! wtf they're so cute it's ridic

THE WHOLE THING W NATALIE'S MOM AT FIRST. 'do you want to see the ring?' 'no.' *slaps hand* SLAPS HAND. twisha rewinded that a few times bc it was sending us 😩😭

shayne's rant on the baseball field!!! coming after sal and his tight pants!! then the transition from 'that was embarrassing as shit! 😠' to 'but i'm in love with natalie🥰 i'm gonna say yes 😌 i'm so happy 😁' pure of heart, dumb of ass <3

SHAKE. shake-y shake where do i begin. the whole 'i wanna fuck you EMOTIONALLY. before i see if you're good in bed, i gotta see if you're good in the head.' L I K E LMFAO. twisha (and i) got The Ick a lot sksdfjdsh

danielle???!! g i r l -- driving me up the wall a bit

also i want the best for iyanna <3

SHAINA!!! i was laughing in shock the way she was coming after natalie??? bonkers!

also we love sal's grand gestures bc he really seems to care and be making an effort <3

AND THE CLIFFHANGER BEFORE THE LAST EP COMES OUT. CRUEL.

BRI!!!!💖💖 the way that i received this message and then immediately opened my LAPTOP to tumblr dot com so i could type out an essay-length response

1) SHAYNE AND NATALIE ARE KILLING ME. one minute i am gagging over shayne's gross bro-y laugh and him constantly askign shayna ~what are u wearing~ and the next moment i am SWOONING over him communicating his feelings to natalie like a big boy. i feel like next episode where they get in a fight before the wedding is gonna be BIG drama and make me hate him again- AND HIS BASEBALL RANT PLS LOL

2) danielle is the worst!!! as put by rhys on the phone last night, nick could be like "wow that dinner was rly good" and danielle would be like "hmmmmm so you think it wasn't GREAT?🤨 so u hate my cooking?🤨🤨"

3) WE LOVE IYANNA and shaina is truly BONKERS! also she could literally hit kyle with a car and he'd be like "she's warming up to me😌"

4) okay..... rhys's HOTTEST take is that sal is sus and not as wholesome as he seems and i kind of see it?? he is a wholesome marshmallow of a man but i am nervous he will say no now that mal is committed

rhys's other thoughts:

FINAL PREDICTIONS: nick/danielle BETTER be a no, i have no idea about shayne/natalie, deepti's gonna say yes but i bet shakey boi is gonna chicken out, and iyanna and jared are gonna say yes but after iyanna cries a little bit, sal/mal are ???? NO IDEA

it brings me so much joy that y'all are watching i cannot wait to scream together next friday😭❤️‍🔥

(p.s.: bri i am sorry i did not respond to ur ask the other day, i was sleepy and i clicked "delete" instead of "answer" and then angrily went to sleep telling myself i would inbox u in the morning and then promptly forgot🤪 but jeep emmett brought me immense joy u know i love him and u xoxo)

[nobodies-png]

Biphobia warning: Can we get Larxene, Aqua, Naminé, Kairi, or Xion dealing with a "well-meaning" person telling her she should break up with her bisexual S/O because "obviously" they'll just cheat on her with a guy? And then some fluff when she comforts the reader? (My GF is bi, I'm lesbian. I've gotten this line a few times. The nerve of some people!)

yIKES - fuck those people, nonnie ! i’m sure you and your gf are lovely, ignore those d u m b comments - like mAN, SHIT LIKE THIS MAKES ME SO MAD, ITS 2019 GUYS, OPEN YOUR EYES

Larxene : 

Long story short : Larxene doesn’t deal well with people patronizing her or judging and shit talking her choices in partners. Love is a really touchy subject for her, so you can tell she’s about to get violent by the sudden rise in electricity in the air. And because she’s already summoned her weapons as a w a r n i n g, idly fiddling with them through gritted teeth.

If the person keeps up with their nonsense, Larxene won’t hesitate to pick them by the collar of their shirt, pulling them to her eye level before chewing them out with her harsh words. Who are they to insult you so freely ? What kind of shitty accusations are those ? “Well-meaning” her ass ! Larxene can tell this person is full of bullshit from miles away.

If they’re someone you don’t particulary care about or know, Larxene w i l l shock them - so you’ll have to drag her away somewhere more private before things get out of control. But even if she tells you that she’s okay, you know she’s not. Before you can even get a word out, she’s already talking, her back turned to you - trying to brush off this entire ordeal. 

“The world is full of assholes, isn’t it ?” It’s extremely hard for Larxene to be so casually affectionate or show her more vulnerable side - yes, even to you - but she’ll give you a hug after this, burying her face in the crook of your neck so you don’t see her pitiful expression. “They don’t know shit about you, I do. And I know you’d never hurt me or anyone else like that.” Larxene is fully aware you’re bisexual, so what about it ? She’s the one y o u chose to love and she’s happy with that.

Aqua :

It would be fine if the insult was directed at her - she’s mature enough to know not to reply and to be the bigger person. But this ? This disrespect is directed at you and she will not tolerate it. If you let her, Aqua would give the person a s t e r n lecture, so classy and savage they’ll be left speechless and embarrassed for saying such stupid things about you. 

But if you don’t want any confrontation, Aqua will merely give them a fake smile, say something like “Understandable. It must be hard to be so closed minded. Get well soon and have a nice day !” and lead you away from this person. To wash away the bitter taste of this encounter, Aqua would treat you to lunch - pick anything you want, it’s on her ! 

She shows no signs of being affected by any of this, but she doesn’t let go of your hand. There’s an unspoken vow between the two to pretend nothing happened, but you decide to confront Aqua about it anyway - she taught you to be open about your feelings and share them with her anytime you needed, so you want her to do the same. 

“It’s embarrassing, I should know better than to get mad. But I have to admit, I can’t stop thinking about it. You don’t deserve to hear such cruel words.” Aqua would take your hands into hers and give you the most sincere look, explaining that no matter what the world says, she’s proud and happy to be with someone wonderful like you ! She’s fought for the safety of this entire world, so she doesn’t comprehend why there’s people so hellbent on putting boundaries on how the rest should love or live.

Namine :

Namine despises confrontation, so she’ll ignore whoever is saying that to her as best as she can - either by changing topics or just pretending they don’t exist. She doesn’t want them to get into details, but she doesn’t have the courage to properly tell them to shut up and mind their own business either. If you’re with her, Namine will give you an apologetic look - she’s really sorry that she couldn’t do more for you.

In the end, the person would leave thinking they’re in the right - but at least there were no arguments or fights. The moment you two are alone, Namine would apologize over and over, fussing over all the things she could’ve done instead to defend you - it’s not okay to fight, but it’s not okay to let others insult you like that either ! Maybe she should go back and give that person an actual piece of her mind ?

You’re gonna have to stop Namine from actually doing that, convince her that you’re fine - but h o o o boy. Her face is red from all the frustration building up in her chest. Namine wants to worry about what you two are going to have for breakfast tomorrow, about how to decorate a house if you two ever live together, about the name of the future pet you might adopt - not about what strangers and outsiders think of your relationship.

She thinks it’s not fair, for you and for the rest of bisexual people in the world. How could someone say something so mean ? They don’t even know you ! Namine would pull you in for a hug, listing all the things she loves about you to remind you that you’re valid and appreciated.

Kairi :

Whoever told her that kind of bullshit is in for a wild ride. If the person who told her that seems decent enough, Kairi will patiently explain that those rumours are just a lie and that cheating isn’t inherent to any romantic or sexual orientation. That’s like saying all pitbulls are awful raging beasts. Or that all left handed people are evil. 

However, if they seem like the type of asshole with a close mind who just refuses to get properly informed, Kairi w o n ‘ t hesitate. Even a princess has her limits and those limits have been c r o s s e d the moment they talked shit about you. You kinda have to remind her to use her words instead of her fists when you see her roll her sleeves. 

Kairi grew up in a fairly accepting and safe enviroment, so she has a somewhat naive and hopeful view on the world. “We have better things to worry about than who loves who.” She wants to assume everyone is a good person, so everytime she encounters these types of people, her blood just b o i l s. Of course, that laced with her strong sense of justice can lead to her getting hurt - so you’re gonna have to drag her away before things escalate.

For the rest of the day, Kairi will latch onto you like a koala, being extra sweet with you. The last thing she wants is for you to doubt your identity because of some dumb comment. She loves you just the way that you are and no one can change her mind ! If the two of you stay strong, one day you’ll show the entire world that your love is worth fighting for.

Xion :

Xion is s o confused. Like, legitimately confused - asking the person who told her to break up with you a thousand questions. Where did they get this information ? What does it mean ? Don’t same gender and straight couples hace the same risk of being cheated on or cheating ? Doesn’t that depend on the person ? 

In the end, whoever gave her that unnecessary advice will just. Leave, because they have no actual information to back up that accusation. You’ll have to sit her down and explain what that nonsense meant - the moment she understands, you’ll see her face go red in anger. Like Namine, she’d want to find the person just to set things right, but instead, Xion would focus on never letting anyone else talk about you like that.

She immediately takes you to have some ice cream in some secluded calm spot so you two can just rant till your hearts content, joking about the situation. “I can’t tell Axel or Roxas about this. They’ll probably kill that person if we see them again!” The two of you would move on and continue with your lives !

But of course, Xion tends to overthink. So at the end of the day, before you go back home, she’ll awkwardly tell you that you’re the strongest person she knows, dealing with shit like that on a daily basis. You helped her find out her own identity and individuality as a person, so no matter what, she’ll stay by your side !

[moonlight-moogle]

BTS as Daddies

warnings: dd/lg, slight sexual themes.

Kim Namjoon/RM

ok first thing first

WE ALL KNOW THIS BOI HAS A DADDY KINK

like excUSE ME

king daddy™

anygay

I think Namjoon would be a semi-strict daddy

have a list of rules you have to follow

and lord knows if you break them you’re gonna get punished

Namjoon values trust and would feel as a daddy it's his job to punish you, if he didn’t, he’d feel like he had broken your trust a little

he has great self-control

the minute you use your safe word, he’s already getting you cleaned up and the bath’s already running and he is ready for snuggles

cuz don’t get me wrong

Namjoon isn’t all rules

he would be the biggest cuddle bug.

loves to have you sit on his lap

plays with your hair all the time

kisses your temple a lot cuz he’s tol

low key high key whipped for you

constantly checking up on you to see if you’re okay, even if its just a hand on your shoulder

he’s so patient with you

never raises his voice

prolly calls you ‘little one’

reads you bedtime stories

I'm sorry I'm just

uwu

in conclusion

Namjoon is a very good daddy. you are in safe hands, little one

Kim Seokjin/Jin

Kim Seokjin

where do I start with this boi

I picture him as a very soft daddy

kinda protective

like if anyone ever were to judge you for being a little and living the life you lead...

boi he’d be ready to throw hands

not really

Jin takes shit from no-one and would know when to cut people out

he’s a shady bitch

if someone judged his little girl/boy for being their cute innocent self, it’s their loss for not seeing how wonderful they are

thinks the world is too cruel for your little heart 

is afraid people will judge you so prefers if you keep little space in the home

knows from looking at you when you’re in little space

calls you something cute like ‘little puff’

showers you with kisses

constantly taking pictures of you

lives for his time with you

you want daddy to dress as a prince?

done

you want to play tea party?

daddy will bake cupcakes

hates to see you cry

literally swOOPS you up in his arms if you ever hurt yourself and cry

tuts at you and calls you silly when you have a tantrum

less strict than Namjoon

only a few basic rules 

“no swearing” and stuff

less enthusiastic about punishments

most you’ll get in terms of physical punishment is spanking

and that’s if you’ve been really bad

Jin opts more for timeouts and no TV time

occasionally will opt for orgasm denial if he’s feeling particularly satanic

best in the game at aftercare.

has set treats, candles, bubble bath, blankets, stuffies, pacifiers - ANYTHING his baby needs

I'm realizing only two members in that this is gonna make so soft uwu

Min Yoongi/Suga

this boi is my bias so um

strap in

I think Yoongi would be more like Namjoon in terms of how daddy he is

he’s highkey whipped for you

doesn’t show it in public

prefers to spoil you with the gummy smiles in private

definition of patient

you could be having the mother of all bitchfits, screaming bloody murder and this boy would sit there and watch until you’ve tired yourself out 

just sighs “are you done, kitten?” and wipes the tears from your face

yes he calls you kitten

he always makes time for you, no matter how tired he is

lives for naps with you

loves it when you curl yourself into him

buries his face into your hair because he loves your smell

rests his hand on your neck 

he doesn’t mind bringing you outside when you’re little as long as your hand stays locked in his

kisses your forehead cuz it makes him feel taller

he’s more laidback than Namjoon in term of rules but will go all the way with punishment if he needs to

owns a remote control vibrator 

boy don't play around

will buy you the cutest onesies and pacifiers

lives for that cute smile on your face when he puts it on you

I'm just imagining him smiling with his whole mouth at you

then kneeling down and taking the pacifier out of your mouth to kiss you

 U W U

watches Disney movies with you

loves it when you straddle his lap and lay across his chest so he can wrap his arms around you 

you’re literally the only person he’ll allow in his studio with him.

the walls and desks are littered with little drawings that you do for him while you’re with him

speaks more with actions than words

little fleeting touches to check your okay

such a sweetheart during aftercare

has you sit between his legs and massages your arms

hums to you softly and plays with your hair

makes you feel like you re the only thing in the world that has ever mattered to him

cuz sometimes he believes that

Jung Hoseok/J-Hope

OK SO

I think everyone knows that Hobi is quite literally a ball of sunshine

this reflects a lot into his daddy-ness

his little will never 

repeat

NEVER

be bored

almost Yoongi level sugar daddy 

actually, screw that he’s probably more of a sugar daddy

you literally have any toy you want

half your wardrobe is all supreme and bucket hats cuz he likes it when his baby dresses like their daddy

dances with you all the time

this boy has so much energy oh my god

he’d love to bring you to the park and push you on the swings

shows you off to everyone

especially bangtan

fairly laid back

doesn’t like having a lot of rules cuz he just wants you to live

can be stern if he needs to be tho

punishments are probably limited like Jin’s

timeouts are as painful for him as they are for you cuz he just wants to hug you

this boy would very sadistic in the bedroom

did I hear

edging??

perhaps some orgasm denial?

overstimulation

high key satan

really hates to raise his voice at you

has had a few slip ups here and there when you’ve been particularly difficult

rights his wrongs almost immediately

definitely is not above saying sorry just cause of the power a daddy has

daddy/little relationships are all about trust, communication, and understanding that everyone is equal

Hobi would value these immensely 

Hobi seems like the type of person that if you were to bring up littles to him, he might think it was weird at first

but then he’d see how happy it would make you

and he’d be whipped

I picture Yoongi and Namjoon as naturals at being a daddy

I feel Jin and Hobi would have to learn 

the fact that you put that much trust in them would melt their heart

Hobi would strive to be the best daddy you could ever ask for

you best believe this boy would braid your hair.

kiss your cheek and giggle into your skin like a lovesick fool

calls you his little angel or ‘cherub’

the type to make you chocolate chip pancakes for aftercare

Hobi would never really have considered being a daddy until he met you

and lord is he thankful he did

you are quite literally the moon, sun, and stars to that boy

frick im soft

Park Jimin

ok

so

this boy is my ultimate bias wrecker so 

strap

the fuck

in

THIS BOI

IS

THE SOFTEST BOI

whipped™

buys you pretty clothes and takes Polaroid pictures of you to keep in his wallet

you’re his phone background and his desktop background

gives!you!so!much!praise!

calls you his doll

literally just doesn’t say your name

just calls you by complimenting you

“gorgeous, come over here.”

“how are you, pretty?”

is so soft for you

kisses your nose and pinches your cheeks

thinks you’re so cute he could eat you like a muffin

playfully nibbles on your skin to hear you giggle

sits with you and lets you braid his hair 

loves!to!see!you!in!stockings!

spins you around when you dance to hear you scream laugh

you literally make him cry from laughter

he has rules for you but not as much as Joon.

has been known to get quite frustrated with you if you have tantrums

Jimin has quite the temper on him and does slip up and yell when he’s stressed sometimes

almost immediately regrets it and feels so bad

god forbid if he makes you cry

literally would never let go of you

c u d d l e s

punishments are like a mix between Hobi and Jin’s

he’ll have no problem putting you in time out if you’re being a little shit

he will use punishments like orgasm denial and edging but he wouldn’t be as satanic as Hobi and Yoongi to use overstimulation

the softest thing in aftercare

cleans you up, puts on your favorite movie and cuddles you in bed

gives you stuffies and a pacifier and kisses your forehead

watches you fall asleep to make sure that you’re okay

will check up on you for days afterward

I literally had to stop like three times writing this part cuz of all my uwus

Kim Taehyung/V

my fuckin boi

ok

so

Kim Taehyung

is a literal puppy

so playful

you are literally this boys entire world

brings you outside to take aesthetic candid shots of you he later posts on Instagram

a lot of them are pictures of you with Yeontan

or in pink frilly outfits, he bought for you

calls you his precious little babygirl/boy

puts flowers in your hair

loves when you wear his clothes

literally will purposefully give them to you to wear around the house

brings you for drives - usually to go get ice cream

sings to you ALL THE TIME 

does that cute thing where he laughs and claps his hands when you sing with him

gets really into it so he’s dancing around the kitchen, belting out Disney bops with a whisk in his hand

your lips are his favorite thing

but has a kink for kissing your hands

just loves to have your hand in his

Tae is literally the most understanding, caring person so if he ever felt the need to punish you for breaking rules he’d have like a proper talk with you about it

“why didn’t you listen to daddy, precious?”

would always be worried that he had done something wrong

it’s his life goal to make you happy

would never raise his voice but he does get frustrated if you’re misbehaving and he doesn't know what to do

Tae!would!be!so!into!begging!

literally, if he was ever punishing you he would make you beg and scream for so long before he let you cum.

might not even let you cum if he’s feeling particularly sadistic

if it’s too much for you, he’s so soft with aftercare

makes you hot chocolate, lays you across his chest and sings you to sleep

will remind you of how much he truly adores you and how good you are

he sings your praises to the rooftops

plays with your hair and rubs your hips

wakes you up in the morning to cuddles and TV

aftercare is one of his favorite things

he’s honestly so content being a daddy

you are literally the most precious thing in the worl to him

once again

U W U

Jeon Jungkook

this boi ruins me holy hell

I feel like at first, Kookie would be slightly out of his comfort zone knowing that he has to care for someone

yano

cuz he da maknae

everyone babies him

but after a while, I think he’d really enjoy the change

you’re his princess/prince

and you rule his house

you are spoiled, let me tell you

we all know that this boy strong

he would carry you everywhere in the house

he’s gotten used to the constant cries of “daddy, up!” when he’s in a room

loves to cook for you

has you sit on the counter with him while he makes dinner

you’re his little assistant chef

sneaks little nose kisses between giggles

loves to kiss your shoulders and your neck

sits with you at the table and colors

always puts yours on the fridge

bounces you on his lap all the time

gave you a bunny plushie to remind you of him

needless to say, it's your favorite

gets frustrated quite easily if you’re being difficult

timeouts are his punishment of choice

usually leaves you there for five minutes

always comes over and kneels down to you

makes sure you say that you’re sorry and then scoops you up in his arms for cuddles

isn’t fond of orgasm denial

prefers overstimulation

this boi top of his game on this

carries you to the bath for aftercare

is so kind and gentle when he takes care of you

dresses you in the softest PJ’s

literally carries you around and bounces you gently in his arms

gets you a bottle and lays in bed with you

loves your butt

taps it gently to help you sleep

sings to you 

you are literally his favorite thing

in the world

I AM

SO SOFT

AHH

[yoosungimagines]

Omg I'm so glad you made this tumblr! Uuuuh. I've got a request: imagine Yoosung finding out that the MC is a few years older than him (either before they have even met and he's developing feelings or when they're already a couple)? Hope it's not too much I'm asking for ;-;

took way too long to finish I’m sorry!! This is fairly long cause well, oops? i’m dramatic haha

also i made it so they’ve met but they’re not a couple i’m sorry if that’s not what you want aaaaa

this is actual trash i’m sorry

Rating: PG13

“Say, Seven, I’m not what they call a…”

Your voice was sheepish as you spoke into the phone, your eyes resolutely trained onto the ceiling and away from Seven’s picture displayed on your phone. There was an expression of defeat mixed with pure embarrassment on your face and your grimace would’ve made for a fun blackmail picture for the redhead.

“A what?”, he drawls teasingly, and you can practically feel the mischievous smirk on his stupid face. “Spit it out ______. I won’t know what you’re trying to say until you say it clearly.”

You wanted to slap him, but alas, his cheek was too far from the palm of your hand. “A-A,” you take a deep breath. Your next words come out in a high-pitched squeak, your fingers clenching around the fabric of your shirt. “A c-cougar!” Your eyes squeeze tightly and your hands fly up to cover your reddened face, a loud stuttering groan of embarrassment leaving your lips.

Seven’s hysterical laughter fills the room, making your ears bleed; you knew putting him on speakerphone was a bad idea! “Oh my god!”, he spits through his giggles. “I can’t believe- haha! A-A cougar- HAHAHA!” You groan again and the urge to hide yourself under the sheets have never been stronger.

“Shut up Seven!”, you cry, his laughs growing in volume at the sound of your suffering. After what feels like forever, his laughter slowly starts to subside, but you can still hear his small giggles between his panting breaths.

“Wh-Why do you ask? What makes you think you’re a c-cou-”, he snorts and you can hear a loud BANG. “C-Cougar-HAHA!” You roll your eyes in exasperation and you consider hanging up on the redhead. He obviously isn’t much help now. Laughing at you isn’t going to do anything for your crippling sanity.

“If you’d just stop laughing, I’d actually tell you.”

“O-Okay, okay, lemme just,” he pants, chuckling under his breath. “Calm myself down… Hooooo~ I can’t breathe.”

“I wish you’d stop breathing.”, you mutter bitterly and he snorts again.

“So cruel ______! I thought we were friends!”, his dramatic yell does nothing but annoy you even further and you tell him so, resulting in another heartbreaking shout.

“Seriously Seven, am I one or not?” His pondering hum makes you nervous and you pull the fabric of your bedsheets taut between your fingers. “You’re gonna have to explain to me why you think you’re a cougar first ______,” he says. Your mouth twists, displeased. “Because personally, I haven’t seen you do anything ‘cougar-like’ in the chatroom.”

You muster up the loudest, most tired sounding sigh you could make and you hear him chortle in amusement. “My friends joke around a lot. About me being a cougar and all,” you explain reluctantly, letting the silk in your grasp fall from your fingers. You instead pick at the stitches in your shirt, a worried lilt in your voice as you speak. “You know how I’m one of the oldest members in the RFA? I told my friends that and well, yeah…” The way your voice trails off is suspicious to say the least, as if you were hiding something from Seven.

“That still doesn’t explain why they think you’re a cougar. You do know what that word means, don’t you? It means to be sexually interested in younger men,” he rattles off, so casually that you wonder if anything can embarrass Seven. Then, his voice turns into something mischievous. “So? Who’s the lucky guy?”

Your flustered sputtering confirms his accusation. Mortified, you turn your body and bury your face into a pillow, your shrill screaming muffled. “______?”, you hear. “______, c’mon it’s not bad to be interested in someone younger than you. And knowing you, you’re probably not interested in just sex, right?” You squeal at the lewd word, pulling another chuckle from him.

Eventually, you turn your head away from the pillow, inhaling to calm your nerves. “Yoosung…”, you breathe out.

“What about Yoosung?”

“Th-The guy I’m interested in… It’s Yoosung.”

“…”

Your teeth snags onto your bottom lip when a lengthy silence comes from the other end. “S-Seven? You there?”, you ask, voice shaky. “I know it’s weird bu-”

“HOLY SHIT!”, you wince from the scream Seven emits. “HAHAHAHAHA YOU LIKE YOOSUNG?! DAMN ______! I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE INTO COLLEGE BOYS! HAHAHAHAHA!”

“I hate you, I hate you so much,” you hiss into the phone. “Laugh one more time and I’m keying your cars!”

He chokes on his laughs, struggling to plead with you through hacking coughs. “W-Wait ______! Let’s be reasonable here!” Seven’s frantic tone in his hoarse voice brings a smug smile on your face. “My babies don’t deserve this! Take me instead! Please!”

You haven’t your rolled your eyes this hard since… Well, ever. “Will you just-! Help me?!”, you huff, the desperation clear even through the annoyance in your voice. “I… I really like him and I don’t want him to be creeped out when he finds out that I’m like 6 years older than him.” You cringe at the thought, heart aching at the image of Yoosung’s face twisting in disgust.

“You mean you haven’t even told him your age?”, Seven asks softly. He sighs, clearly disappointed in you. “______… Yoosung won’t be creeped out.”

“How do you know that?”

“Have you not figured out what type of stuff this boy’s into? Trust me, you’re fine ______. Just tell him. It won’t change his feelings for you at all.”

“His feelings? For me?”

His chuckle feels more reassuring now, the slightest bit of confidence seeping into you from the deep sound.

“He likes you too ______. Probably way more than you think he does.”

-

“And then he shouts at me for not getting the item in time! Like, how was I supposed to get it when I was literally carrying his sorry butt?!”

Yoosung’s whiny rants were nothing but adorable to you. Admittedly, you were a little disappointed that the only reason he invited you over was to vent, but Yoosung is Yoosung and you’re weak.

You sink into the comfy couch, head lolling to the side to watch as he talks animatedly about his LOLOL raids, hands flailing about and lilac eyes alight with passion.

It’s been a week since your… Enlightening conversation with Seven and it’d be a lie to say it hasn’t been crossing your mind ever since. In fact, it’s concerning just how much you keep thinking about it. Every waking hour - in the shower, while you eat, while you work - it refuses to leave your head.

“He likes you too ______. Probably way more than you think he does.”

If what Seven had said was true, then…

You wet your lips nervously as Yoosung stops his babbling, your silence concerning him. “______? Are you okay?” His eyes peer deep into yours, worry shining in his hues. His pretty pink lips were pulled into a frown. You want to kiss it off of him.

‘He likes you too…’

‘Just tell him.’

‘It won’t change his feelings for you at all.’

.

.

.

“I’m 27!”, you blurt.

Oh.

Oh shit.

“Wait- Shit! Fuck! I didn’t mean to-!” With a loud, excruciatingly painful groan, you bury your flaming red face into your hands. You hadn’t meant to admit it so abruptly! Stupid Seven!

You can hear Yoosung shift next to you, his movements making you even more anxious. “Uhm,” he finally says. “Well, I’m 21…?” You can hear the question in his voice and you groan even more in embarrassment. Great, now you confused him…

“______? C’mon, tell me what’s wrong!” Yoosung’s hands reach out to grip at your wrists, his touch sending electric shocks up your spine. His thumb rubs soothing circles into your skin, each stroke shooting an arrow through your heart. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

You quiver under his stare, teeth latching onto and chewing your bottom lip to shreds. “My friends,” you manage to choke out, averting your gaze. His wide violet eyes were not good for your sanity. “My friends were teasing me… A-About how I’m a cougar.”

“A cougar?” He cocks his head in confusion. “What’s that?”

You want to D I E.

“Well you see Yoosung, when a woman loves a young man very very much…”

His eyebrows furrow. “So you’re telling me, you love someone and your friends are teasing you about it?”

“W-Well yeah, but the thing is he’s… He’s way younger than me and they just like to joke about that.” Yoosung looks strangely conflicted now, eyes downcast and mouth a thin line; it’s worrying. “Yoosung…?”

“Who is it?”, he asks, painfully hushed.

You could only stare at the blonde, confusion clear in your eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Who’s the guy?” He looks as if someone had stabbed him, betrayal and sadness embedded in his violet hues. “Who’s the guy you… you l-love?”, he practically spat out the word.

A sudden, dawning realization falls upon you and wow holy shit I’m an idiot. Yoosung was jealous. Kim Yoosung was JEALOUS.

You couldn’t help the smile that split across your face and you shake your head at the ridiculousness of it all. “Yoosung,” you laugh, reaching out to cup his face in your hands, pressing your foreheads together. “His name’s Kim Yoosung.”

You watch his expression transition from hopeless to shock to finally, glee. “M-Me?”, he sputters, his cheeks a beautiful red. “You love me?”

Your nod had him beaming up at you, your heart stuttering at the sight. He places his hands atop of yours, staring into your eyes with adoration. “I love you too.” he sighs, pretty lips curved into a dopey smile. He leans in to press a kiss to your nose and you nearly cried from how precious he was.

“Kiss me properly.” You grin when you see how flustered he’s become, puckering your lips to tease him even more. Warm lips capture your own in a tender kiss and you hum, pleased with his boldness.

He pulls away to kiss your cheek, then along your jaw and up to your ear, your little gasps fueling his actions. His warm breath against your skin send shivers down your spine, your ears a bright red.

“You know,” he sighs, his hands sliding down to take ahold of your hips, tugging you closer. “If you were a cougar, I wouldn’t mind if you pounced on me.”