You've gave us domestic knkdz hcs now im asking for the angst one (im allergic to happiness)
oh? bet.
• the tragic knowledge of dazai sustaining mortal wounds on precarious missions and kunikida being unable to use his ability for first-aid and staunch the flow from the wound because any notebook-manifested bandages will simply turn to bloodied pieces of paper the moment they come into contact with his skin.
• kunikida mentions that in his earliest missions he would cry for days and be unable to come to work when people he was unable to save died. at low points like these, dazai would directly confront him and tell him he could not save everyone, no matter how much effort he put in--it was the inherent nature of the world. conversations like these led kunikida to take greater action instead of mourning.
• kunikida also says he visits the graves of those who died on missions, as a way of honoring them and being unable to save them. although dazai does not share this guilt, he will accompany him as they silently stand together in the graveyard. more often than not, they each bring flowers to lay at the tombstones.
• dazai seeing kunikida as the ultimate culmination of oda, both through preservation of ideals in a cruel society that seems hellbent on destroying them, and also intrinsically one of the only people that has any moral justness in a corrupt world. one of the reasons he likely latches so hard onto kunikida. the initial grief from oda's death was likely in the back of his mind...only to bittersweetly resurface when he sees him again in partner. he was enamoured from the start.
• kunikida learning about dazai being port mafia would not turn him away because of the atrocities he committed and the people he murdered. more likely, he would be shocked about the things dazai was forced to do. he would look at dazai in pity, not disgust.
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One of the more peculiar things about my current academic existence is that it's like—
me (to my best friend): It feels kind of strange that I've always had so many ties to people who are much more literary than me. There are all these people I know who keep ending up at "I discovered True Art and now I'm too good for Star Wars" and I'm just thinking, "damn, couldn't be me."
best friend: ...you have a PhD in literature.
me: True, but not their kind of literature!
best friend: It's still a PhD in literature. Do these people have that?
me: Well, hmm, maybe not, technically. But I've never been all that interested in major experiments with form and style—doing that stuff myself or reading the kind of literature that focuses on pushing those boundaries. I've always cared more about popular literature that prioritizes immersion and world building and just getting people to care a lot about characters and plot and such, not the really prestigious stuff.
best friend: You literally teach Shakespeare.
me: Well, I decided not to study the things I love most so they didn't get tainted by academia. And anyway, I still focused on popular literature from my eras. The seventeenth-century stuff I was writing about made a lot of the late Victorians very angry because they thought it was crude and cravenly appealing to unrefined common tastes instead of True Art. The novel in Austen's lifetime was even more of a low-prestige popular form at the time, especially the female-dominated genres, which were most of them, and she took care to identify herself as a woman.
best friend: I know you did get into academia through Tolkien and then didn't study anything close to that.
me: I couldn't let them ruin him for me! And besides, I know that Shakespeare and Austen are about as prestigious as it gets now, but for me they've still got that pop culture media energy, you know? Though sometimes when people make sweeping pronouncements about artistry and literature that don't make sense for anything in English published before 1700, I have to fight the temptation to be ... that person.
best friend, laughing: You mean pulling a well akshually? At least you have the credentials. You could even do it like "well actually, *obnoxious cough* as someone with a PhD in this subject..." now. You spent years earning this! Tell a few people Well Actually as a treat and then go watch Star Wars.
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Hypersomnolence
Haha funny story, I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder in November after struggling with it unknowingly for give or take 18 months. Turns out I’m not crazy and falling asleep against your will multiple times a day is actually not a good or normal thing.
So permit me to write the puppet like a sap as I need this right now lol. Yes these are in fact all things I experienced but I am medicated for them now hooray!
One task, that was all you’d managed to get through today. You felt sick and heavy, opting to sit on the cold ground before your body made you, it was a battle to stay awake as sleep attacked you again.
It was only early afternoon and you’d struggled through your one task of sweeping, you were certain everyone at the hotel thought you to be lazy, even if they’d all told you otherwise.
You’d been sick like this for a long time, long before the petrification disease or the puppet frenzy, both events having a negative effect on the way you’d usually manage your symptoms.
And while you appreciated the sanctity you’d been spared at Hotel Krat, the nagging feeling of needing to repay Lady Antonia for her kindness was not helping your case.
You sat with your head in your hands, slipping in and out of consciousness, losing the battle again. Usually, Polendina would find you, send you to your room to rest and that would be it for the day, once you were in bed you found it hard to do much of anything else. Which you supposed was good for your body but it made your emotional well-being an absolute wreck.
Lady Antonia had asked you time and time again to be kinder to yourself, to feel accomplished of the things you could do and that you were welcome here no matter how sick you were, and she would know a thing or two about being sick.
But, you had a bad habit of being nasty to yourself, and with your sleep-related illness only seeming to get worse you couldn’t remember the last time you’d spoken kindly to yourself.
You felt like shit.
A hand at your shoulder, delicate and tender shook you but it didn’t do much to rouse you. Your vision swam uncomfortably through the gaps in your fingers, your head being too heavy to lift up. Hands grasped your wrists, pulling gently to reveal your face that was then taken into those same hands, one soft and warm, the other firm and cold.
With the weight of your head now being supported by P’s hands you could somewhat force yourself to look at him. His expression was unreadable, as always, but his presence was a balm to your spiralling thoughts.
The friendship of Geppetto’s Puppet had been good for you, P didn’t care how tired you were he was just happy to see you, he didn’t expect anything but your presence and that was something you could give freely, tired or not.
He tilted his head in question to what you assumed to be your position on the floor, slumped over rather uncomfortably.
“It just came on, I had to sit down,” you mumbled, he seemed to frown, getting down on one knee and shifting you against him to pick you up.
With you cradled to his chest, he ascended the stairs. You burrowed down against his chest, relishing in how nice it was to be looked after.
It was almost like the trip up to your room didn’t happen, one moment you were snug to P’s chest, the next you were under your sheets and propped up against the headboard. P took it upon himself to remove his shoes and coat and sit on the opposite side of the bed to keep you company.
“Sleepy?” P asked innocently, you nodded trying desperately to suppress another yawn.
“I-“ he started, a thoughtful look crossing his face, “-want to help. How do I help?”
He gently took your hand in his own, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles. The astounding amount of care he treated you with was sure to tear you apart in the best ways, making your exhausted mind spin.
“Just stay here with me for a bit,” You laid your head on his shoulder, “I think that’ll help.”
“Okay.”
He mimicked you, resting his head on top of yours, pulling the sheets further up your lap. Doing what he could to keep you comfortable, a concept he was still trying to grasp.
“Thank you P,” you mumbled, snuggling closer, “love you.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to your head, nose buried in your hair, “I love you too.”
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your tags abohtt friends falling in love…. yeah i’ve lost a number of male friends because of this and it’s like given me a bit of a complex??? i don’t want my being nice and friendly and excitement to be gaining a new friend be misconstrued as romantic interest? like no i’m genuinely just excited about this topic lol, and the number who have just stopped talking to me once they gain a partner hurts so much because like oh? you only saw my value as that this whole time. i feel like i have a very specific type too (looks not so much but the have to be cocky and cheeky and funny ig help me) and i really don’t feel romantic attraction all that often or at least as often as these fellas do so it’s just like? idk how to say it’s never going to happen lol,,, i also went to a party the other week and because i was the only single girl and was talking to the only other single lad people were going ‘ooooh you seem to be getting on’ and like yeah we are but not like that sorry, and felt uncomfortable the rest of the night, so like great !
sorry about the grammar and punctuation this was rlly stream of consciousness pmsl
I totally get you and have been through all the same things!! sorry that thing at the party happened to you, that is literally the worst!!! I've also been in those situations and it's always deeply uncomfortable, like I'm being a decent human being, not flirting.
on one hand I respect anybody shooting their shot lmao but it is also deepy frustrating when you repeatedly get asked on dates and confessed to because you were "just" being nice and maybe shared an interest with someone.
I also don't feel romantic attraction a lot and I have a specific type (both in personality and looks, my standards are crazy) so it is baffling how easily some guys go for it. when I was in uni I would get messages from guys who I had only briefly talked to. again, respect for asking, but where did you get the idea I would say yes?
for me I always feel like I get asked out by guys who have felt like they have been largely ignored by women in their life, and then when someone is friendly to them and maybe likes something they're into as well (video games, anime, dnd, etc) they get really excited about it, which I can sympathise with, but guy. maybe I just want to talk about video games with you. maybe I just want a friend.
my complex is definitely that I am quite pretty LMAO and sometimes I feel like that is all the guys see. there could be other girls who are also into all that nerdy shit, but I'm the conventionally pretty one. and then when I tell them no or they get a girlfriend, suddenly talking with me is not that interesting anymore. huh, look how that worked out.
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