#I've been trying to distract myself with st all day but nothing works and nothing is enough

[wastelandbabyblue]

what if I actually go insane. on purpose

[parkxjiminluv]

“A Drink You Won’t Forget” - Park Jimin

P.s. This is the first smut I ever wrote so it needs a lot of improvement.

Y/N

January 7th, 2021.

Today was a dreadful day for me, and I desperately needed to escape its unwanted feelings by distracting myself before it was too late. On this date eight years ago, I lost my family due to an airplane crash being left alone at the age of 18.I was the only one that survived.

Now, I am 26 and I have managed to move on with my life building a successful career for me working as a magazine editor at a popular company after years of struggling in part time jobs and managing school. I've grown very independent and usually the thought of being alone does not hurt me but today is different.

All I can think about is getting myself drunk so I forget about the loneliness and hurt today holds. Holidays had just ended, and my birthday passed a day ago. Although one may be surrounded by people nothing can fill the void of losing the ones that you love.

Our company was hosting a party for an employee, and I was more than down to go. My friend Storm was sitting on the passenger seat while I was driving us to our destination.

"So, what's the plan tonight bestie?" Storm asked while exhaling the smoke from her cigarette that was hanging with her hand outside the window.

"Having fun and getting wasted of course!" I said looking ahead.

A while later

We arrived at the luxurious loft filled with dimmed purple and hot neon lights giving it the perfect atmosphere for a drink accompanied by the heartfelt r&b tones in the background.

After greeting a couple friends, we went to get drinks at the bar. My coworker Namjoon was our barman tonight and I can say I was not used to this look of his. He's always preppy but those thick biceps and messy dress shirt accompanied by his black glasses was something else. I'm proud Storm likes him, and he likes her too.

The party was beginning to get livelier. As we were being served our drinks, Storm left my side and got behind the bar. Within seconds Namjoon had grabbed her waist and was kissing her hungrily as I stood there dumbfounded.

"When did this all start, and I had no idea?" I asked.

"Actually...Today" Storm replied.

"We wanted to surprise you" Namjoon said.

"I sure was surprised but have fun ya'll". I said trying to let them do their thing while sipping from my drink.

"We will but you should too, look that dude has been eyeing you since he came in" Namjoon gazed, and I turned my head to the direction he gestured.

Damn.

I definitely was not expecting my eyes to meet with an extremely ethereally handsome man, but I sure do not complain.

He was wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt and his blonde hair was styled back showing his clean undercut accompanied by long earrings and numerous rings on his fingers.

I felt drawn to him, an unfamiliar heat surrounded me and whatever he was up for, I was open for it.

Before even making a comment, Storm and Joon had already disappeared, and I was left alone with my drink.

I tried to not seem weird and stare, so I focused on drinking but then a majestic smell entered my nose as a quick breeze surrounded me indicating someone moved next to me.

I knew it was him.

"May I share a drink with you tonight?" He asked with a raspy soft voice while sitting behind me. His perfume invaded my senses and I looked at him more closely.

He had a mysterious but soft look that really made me curious about his intentions. His plump lips looked so kissable as he was sipping drink searching from an answer in my eyes. It seemed unreal how someone this handsome would bother with me. He's too good looking to be good. Whatever this is and will be, I just wanna live it and enjoy it.

"Don't you see I am already drinking?" I said.

"Well, can I keep you company then?" He said with a little smile.

"I guess " I said trying to play hard to get and we both chuckled.

"I'm Jimin by the way" he said getting closer.

"I am y/n"

He slowly grabbed my hand and stood up.

"Nice to meet you y/n, do you want to dance?" He asked and I swear, he looks like a prince.

"Sure" I said letting him lead me to the dance floor.

A pop song was about to end leading into a sensual r&b mix as the lights dimmed, and more couples joined into a passionate sway.

Jimin pulled me rolling me in his embrace placing his hand on my lower back and the other a bit lower than my neck. I soon felt an inexplicable heat surround me while our bodies were glued to each other moving slowly to the song. I held the back of his neck and his arm and God, I wished that moment lasted forever. I looked at him and he was already looking at me.

I felt like melting to his touch and stare. It was so surprising to me how a complete stranger would have me get so impacted by slight gestures of theirs. As we were so close with our bodies touching the rhythm was intensifying and I was unsure about my movements until he told me "If you trust me in this dance, I promise it will be one you won't forget" he whispered in my ear sending warm shivers through my spine.

Jimin grabbed my waist making circular movements as our bodies followed the music and he twirled me so now my back was facing him, and I felt like I was on fire.

He guided me through every movement so methodically slow as I was against him, taking each step and us he would move through movements he would rub my skin with his fingers or just contact creating areas of heat wherever he had touched.

I felt so hypnotized. He was the predator, and I was the weak prey in his hands. I never felt this attracted or sensually aroused. I felt like I was in a dark gold bubble with no one watching us, I had nothing in mind but how badly I wanted to explore him bit by bit. Feeling his body and dancing in such manner had me thinking sinful things but it was worth risking it with him. Body contact is a thing for sure, but this was on a spiritual level no one can compare.

Although I was scared, I did something spontaneous once the song reached its end. He made me desire him in a way nobody had. Nothing was more attractive than that swaying spell he casted on me. The passion in his eyes and the mystery between us created such intrigue that once the song ended, I crushed my lips on his and it was the greatest decision I made.

He quickly responded to my gesture tightening his grip on me as we kissed, and he pressured his body against mine to the point I felt that I would collapse if he let me go. He kissed me hungrily and eagerly. He was aggressive and with his free hand he held my jaw softly, his plump lips were so soft, and he tasted like a bit of whiskey. Soon the kiss turned from eager to soft and passionate while we melted in each other's arms in the middle of a dark dancefloor filled with people we did not even notice.

"You tase so damn good" Jimin breathed on me as we both caught our breaths after that kiss.

I was embarrassed at my move and did not know what to say but he grabbed my head and made me look at him.

He looked hungry and lustful. So was I.

"I wish I could taste more of you" Jimin whispered giving me a peck.

I was burning everywhere, and I felt the warmth between m legs turn to despair.

"Then why don't you get it?" I tell him and turn walking towards the bathroom.

Once I enter a stall, few second later a flustered Jimin pinned me wildly against the wall.

"Can I really?" He said with a look filled with lust ready to explode.

"Yes, you can" I said and before I even finished Jimin had attacked my neck with eager kisses and bites that spread more shivers to my body.

I began unbuttoning a bit of his shirt to leave my mark on his heavenly smelling neck as my lower hand was moving lower down his body. His fingertips were tracing my silhouette making us both moan in despair.

Soon Jimin placed his hand under my underwear after he teased over the fabric, and I moved my hand feeling his erection.

"God, you're so wet" he said while he began moving his fingers in circles and I stroked his member.

"And you're so hard" I told him and looked up at him.

He quickly moved his fingers inside of me bringing me into complete insanity over his touch. He first moved slowly and made shapes inside me to then get violent to the pace I needed as I tried my best to stay quiet while I was stroking him hard.

As I was reaching my climax, I held on to him tight moaning "Ji-Jiminn" and gave him a kiss. Jimin looked at me with dark eyes while he teasingly licked his fingers looking at me and whispered

"I want to feel all of you, but do you?"

"I do" I breathed.

Jimin gave me an eager peck and without losing any time we fixed our clothing before we left our bathroom. Jimin held my wrist leading me somewhere while we walked through the people that were dancing.

I stopped shortly to send a text because I did not want to worry Storm nor get my car robbed while Jimin looked up at me with a look that screamed "I'm starving". His eyes glowed through the dark and his grip around my wrist tightened as if he was scared, I'd run away until I signaled him "One minute".

I texted Storm" Don't wait for me. Have fun and get home safe. If you could just tell Joon to look over my car, I'll appreciate that. I love you <3"

Then, I turned off my phone and let the handsome man lead me where he was planning to.

We got to the parking area and approached a luxuriously sexy black car with a "starlit" roof and drove quietly. As I stared through the window, I could feel the desire within me along with a tiny bit of fear, but I quickly told myself to chillout and have fun.

I peeked at Jimin while he was driving. His black suit was so classy even if it was messy. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned making him more attractive while his blonde hair was being blown by the breeze coming through the window. His rings were glowing around the steering wheel along his veiny hands making him look unbelievably hot.

As Jimin's sight had me roaming through a whole variety of sinful and not scenarios in my head, I felt his hand locking with mine while he said

"You like what you see, huh?" he kept his eyes on the road.

I love what I see but I won't give him the satisfaction to grow his ego.

"You are alright" I said, and he laughed so hard.

A while later

Jimin led us into a large apartment building and the elevator left us on the 13th floor.

The entire structure was so luxurious, but I paid no mind to it. Once Jimin opened the door, my body slammed the wall as Jimin hooked his arm over my waist kicking the door to close. It was pitch dark but one thing I could see clearly was the lust on his eyes.

I'd be lying if I said I did not want him too as every move of his made me almost drop to the ground from the intensity of the emotions he would make mee feel. My skin was burning, my heart was pounding.

"Right where we left of" Jimin whispered and rapidly attacked my lips which responded to him immediately giving him ultimate access.

Jimin was still holding my waist when he began moving us while kissing stepping towards his room while I stepped backwards. He never broke the kiss with me even though it got sloppy and unstable.

The only time Jimin stopped kissing me was to throw me over his soft bed while hovering above me. I began growing impatient. Tonight, had been so, so much to me and all I could think of was Jimin's body wrapped with mine.

I began unbuttoning his shirt while he threw his jacket, and while I was on the last button, Jimin stopped me and held my hand. "I just want to make sure this is consensual beautiful, are you sure about this?' Jimin asked "Yes." I answered surer than ever.

Jimin quickly kissed me and within a few seconds we were off our clothes touching each other in ways I never experienced. Jimin's body resembled a flawless statue sculptured by an ethereal artist with a tattoo on his ribs saying "nevermind".

Jimin kept tracing my skin slowly with his tong moving through every curve while my body was covered in shivers and so much heat. I kept brushing his soft hair while he would give me small kisses everywhere. I was hypnotized.

He was careful and slow in his every movement making sure I would feel his passion for me. It was a different feeling; he was claiming me in a way I could not describe better by giving me a comfort that would eventually turn into a fire.

Jimin quickly went lower on me making me feel so pleased before he connected our bodies as one. I felt completed, turned on, flustered and a variety of emotions. No ma was ever focused on pleasing me rather than their selves. But Jimin, made sure I enjoyed it that much I would praise his name all night. But the hotter thing was that he yelled mine too.

Flesh on flesh, waves crashing, voices echoing, breaths syncing and souls morphing into each other as one, Jimin and I created an inexplicable pleasure that could only be felt.

That following morning

I woke up next to a peacefully sleeping Jimin and the remembrance of the previous events hit me. I felt so light and happy. It was an experience I will never forget.

I looked at Jimin and for a second, I really felt I'd love to see his face every when I'd wake up. But I know that could never happen and that shows from the status he seems to have plus the fact it may just be a one-night stand for him. And..me too.

I quietly got up and got dressed. I had to leave before he would wake up. And I did. I left the luxurious apartment finding my way to the bus and running away like I always do. Because I knew that what Jimin did to me, would get me attached. And I did not want that.

A couple weeks later

Author's POV

Y/N had no contact with Jimin, and things went just as she expected them to go. Or so she thought.

That day, Storm had barged in Y/N's room along her sister Ivy to know everything that happened and tell Y/N that she had not slept with a random guy. But Park Jimin, CEO of Park Inc. and Park Banks all over the city of Busan.

Y/N was surprised but was convinced she was just a one-night stand and that was it was nothing more than that. But it hurt her inside.

She spent the weeks working from home and isolated herself for a while. She was not feeling well and chose to take the time to rest. Until one day she received a call from an unknown number.

"Hey, it's me, Jimin" His voice heard from the phone.

"Hi" she replied.

"I just called you regarding um..what happened to us, if you can please keep it away from the press I would greatly appreciate it" He choked on his word.

Something sunk within Y/N but she was stronger than that.

"You don't have nothing to worry about from me, I was drunk. "she said coldly.

"Oh, yea me too but okay then thank you for your cooperation and..b-bye Y/N stay well" Jimin said and hung up.

But in reality, Jimin always questioned why she had left him that day and wanted to know if it meant anything to her as much as it did to him. But turns out he was wrong.

In reality, Y/N was completely sober that night and so was he. She remembered everything and wanted to call Jimin numerous times, but she knew she could never have a chance with someone like him and also had to stay away from him for because,

Y/N was pregnant.

Τhe magical night she had spent with Jimin was that magical that it gave her such a souvenir from him. Although y/n was on birth control and Jimin used protection, she assumed an accident may have occurred.

The past few weeks had been very different and tense for y/n. Her life was changing drastically all because of that handsome man she met. When she found out, she panicked and was petrified. She was unsure about what she was going to do with the baby. She was financially stable and employed but was she ready to be a mother?

Adding to that, a child requires two parents for a better life, and she knew that Jimin was a man that was not made for kids but his career and after his phone call she was determined to keep her pregnancy completely hidden from him. She was a burden for his reputation and a baby from a one-night stand would add up to that.

She felt hurt and alone. Y/n was deceived by a tiny bit of hope that she could have had a chance to know more of that man that made her feel so much. Despite the bitterness of the situation, she did not regret what had happened between the two of them. Within her fear she had considered abortion, but a thought always reminded her that that soul was created with love and passion and if it were the only thing that would link her to that man then she would savor and love it dearly.

After all those days she chose to stay off and let everything sink in, Storm decided to shake her up and get her outside the house.

"Y/n, he is the father, and he deserves to know." Storm said for the fourth time while sitting in y/n's living room.

"I know Storm, but you need to understand me as well, I still do not know what to do and he already didn't care" Y/n defended herself.

"What do you mean you don't know what you will do? "Storm asked.

"It means it is her body and she decides whatever she feels is right for her. You should not infringe your opinion on her when she's going through so much change in such short time. You can sure give her advice but definitely not tell her what do with her own life." Ivy corrected her sister and y/n felt so grateful that someone understood her.

"Alright, but Y/n can you at least try to get out? It will help you relax a bit mentally and move a bit to strengthen yourself after all." Storm asked me with genuine care in her eyes.

"Okay, you're right I will go out but where y/n asked.

"I got you, Namjoon has two invitations to his friend's party in a mansion tonight. It is going to be formal, and they have a variety of foods and drinks including nonalcoholic ones." Storm suggested.

"You won me once you said food but what will I wear?" Y/n smiled.

"You could wear that simple silver satin gown you have with a fluffy grey jacket over. I can lend mine to you" Ivy suggested and I smiled.

A few hours later

Namjoon was about to pick up Storm and Y/N when the two young women showed up.

"Woah Y/n pregnancy is giving you another type of glow!" Namjoon exclaimed.

"Haha, I'm glad to see you too Joon" Y/n just laughed.

Storm playfully slapped Namjoon before he sunk her body in a deep passionate kiss while his muscular arms enveloped her tiny body that was wearing a burgundy long dress.

On the ride, Namjoon explained "The party is hosted by my very good friend Jin, we used to have a band together along five other friends when we were teens just for fun, we didn't want to be famous. Jin is a handsome guy and confident, so he became a model. He's made a fortune of himself and enjoys hosting classy parties. He's way too comical you guys will be okay."

Y/n and Storm nodded while the rest of the ride was quiet.

When they arrived, the two girls were absolutely stunned by the enormous mansion they were entering. Everything was absolutely luxurious with unique items just how Jin liked it to be.

In the entrance they were welcomed by a tall man with dark hair and plump lips that was sipping his drink along a blonde shorter man.

"Namjoon! Ah welcome I see you brought two beautiful ladies with you" Jin greeted his friend with a warm hug.

He then gave the girls hugs as well while he introduced the other man beside him. His name was Yoongi, and he was more introverted but still very polite.

"Guys, me and Yoongi have to meet up with some other friends but feel free to roam as if it's you house, enjoy!" Jin left and Namjoon decided to dance with Storm.

After sitting for a while and meeting a nice man named Jungkook, he had to go see Jin so Y/n decided to go outside. To her surprise, the back of the house faced a gorgeous lake, and a tree was close to it with a large comfortable swing. Not many people were sitting outside so Y/n sat there and moved slowly letting all the glory of the moonlight mirroring in the lake surround her. 

As she was sunk in the dreamy atmosphere, she felt steps behind her.

"Y/n." 

"J-Jimin?!, What are you doing here?" y/n said surprised.

"I am invited here. I could ask the same about you" Jimin eyes were shining through the darkness and his brows were furrowed, the vein was popping through his neck showing he was tense.

"So am I. If that is all you wanted to say, I'd like to go." Y/n replied coldly. She was uncomfortable and wanted to be away from him. She was getting nervous and scared.

"Y/n, is there something YOU want to tell me?" Jimin pressed while he began approaching her making y/n panic.

"No, what are you even talking about?" Y/n began getting upset with his stance.

Jimin was angry. He grabbed y/n's arm tightly and made a left turn so he would be in front of hair mounting her with his figure.

"Are you sure y/n?" He whispered getting closer to her.

"I'm certain." 

His hostile breath was brushing hers while his eyes got darker.

He was holding himself so hard.

"Y/n, when were you planning to tell me you're pregnant?!"

Y/N

I was frozen within time.

In what felt like minutes but was truly seconds, I kept wondering how he found out, I felt betrayed and uncovered. I built a shield to protect this and now I find out it was never there the whole time.

"What?!" I could barely have a voice come out.

"Y/n, please stop trying to lie. I know the truth. "Jimin said.

"Fine, but how?"

"Whoever genuinely wants to know, finds out. Even though You should have told me." He replied.

"Jimin, I know you are a person of a notable career and as you also told me on our phone call, your reputation would be at stake from a one-night stand imagine a pregnancy. Plus, I knew that it could not be something more than what it was regardless of what I felt. And also, I did not know what I was going to do with the baby..." 

"Y/n! You left me that morning wondering what I did wrong, and you are here assuming all that without even giving me a chance to know each other. I had never brought a girl in my house before you. I chose to spend my night with you because I wanted it to get further. Somehow you got my entire personality figured out based on your experiences but believe me when it comes to my responsibilities for our child my lifestyle comes last."

Jimin stopped to take a breath and collect himself as well as possible.

"...And y-y/n, you did not know what to do with our baby...were you going to abort without even talking to me?! Do you hate me that much? And the baby was made with much love and feelings at least fo-for me..." Jimin's eyes were glistening with tears while one escaped mine.

"I panicked! I felt completely scared and alone! Just like I do not know you, you do not know me. I have no family and my friends were also siding against me except one.. I never wanted things to be this way. That morning I woke up so happy and looked at you thinking how great it would be waking up next to you daily, but I could not allow myself to get attached to you because I'd be scared to lose you. When I found out who you were, I placed myself under the illusion you would be the same as everyone so I could distance myself easier, but it was more difficult especially when I found out about the baby. Our baby. I did not know if I was ready and when you called me, I was reminded of everything, so I isolated myself. The thought that it would be the only thing that could keep what we felt that night connected made me cherish it more than I already did..." I let it all out as she slowly got on my knees.

I felt weak.

Jimin followed my movement and held my hands.

"Y/n... You were never a random pick for me. Namjoon and I have known each other for a long time, I was part of the band he led, and I remember seeing you on a cold winter day on the first week of January. It was raining and you cried running to Joon for comfort. I happened to be sitting on the window that day trying to write a song, but words would not come to mind. Then my eyes laid on you and I always wanted to know what happened to you. I felt a bit jealous I'll admit. At the time I was very introverted and never found the guts to approach you. When Namjoon opened the bar, I always saw you silently. I did not want to be a creep and was scared so instead I chose the silent route until the day we spoke. I know my excuses are unacceptable and childish, but can we try for the sake of this baby and if you don't want to see me again, I will respect your decision, but I want to be next to our baby. "Jimin begged.

I was in complete shock. How did I not notice him? Jimin made me feel so many things in only a few days and I know my part was unfair to him as he deserves to be there too. I needed him to be there.

"Yes Jimin, we can try." I could not take all the emotions and just fell into his arms crying while he held me tightly.

Me and Jimin sat on the swing and let all our feeling pour out. I told him everything about that day of January, how I always felt alone and pushed everyone who cared away. Jimin sat and listened to me narrate while he took everything in.  He told me everything about his feelings, his dreams, how he got the career he was at but always was miserable. We cried on each other's shoulder while the sky cried with us. Jimin's jacket was like a dark blanket keeping me warm and his presence kept my heart warmer.

"Y/n I know I should not say this, but I am dying to kiss you" Jimin said making me smile.

I approached his face and with a smirk I said," And what's holding you back?" before our lips collided under the moonlight as the clouds crashed with each other and the raindrops poured in the lake. 

A month later

Me and Jimin have been spending a lot of time together meeting and getting to know each other. He respects my space whenever I feel like I need my own personal moments and we have discovered we share a lot in common. He treats me in the best way possible beating my expectation.

I figured out that the day we went to Jīn's party they had set me up to get to see Jimin and I gave a bit of a cold shoulder to Storm and Joon. Also, Jimin introduced me to the other boys that made up the band including Jīn, Yoongi, Jungkook, Hoseok, Namjoon and Taehyung. Jimin was a bit jealous of Jungkook because ever since Jīn's party we had developed a beautiful friendship, but I know he likes Ivy, and he keeps asking me about her.

I work from home and Jimin takes care of his duties virtually sometimes, so we spend time together. He suggested we move in together in a couple months as he is having renovations right now for us. My relationship with him is blossoming and although I've been told he is a different person when it comes to his anger, I am more than grateful he rarely shows me that side when it's only for others.

Thinking about me and Jimin's timeline, I come to the realization we were never a random bond. We met on a certain time and got together when we needed each other the most. We were destined to become this way in order to find ourselves together. Jimin is not just a soulmate, but my precious angel sent from my other angels in heaven.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 6/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp, I'm back from travelling! For anyone interested to know how it went; it was great (if you love stress). Liverpool is a lovely place but I've destroyed my bank account :D

Anyway! We got 4 more chapters of this fic! This is where the conflict begins. I hope yall enjoy.

TW for this chapter: Homophobia, homophobic slurs

2020

The cake was in the fridge. We'd be seeing him later. For now, we settled for some spaghetti. It had become a sort of tradition for Jujubee and me for moments that needed celebrating. But we hadn't done it in so long, what with the stress of work.

"So, Juju, as you can see, I've labelled the pages you're allowed to read, so don't go looking at other shit, OK?" I asked, chopping up a red bell pepper.

"Why? If I do, am I gonna find some porn-y shit?" She quipped, running a hand along with the butterfly print book.

"Honestly, you know all of those details anyway." I gave her a smirk, taking a piece of pepper and throwing it over to her.

I almost expected it to fly past her head, but she caught it in her mouth. Skill.

"OK, but what's in the box, though?"

I almost forgot what she was even referring to. But following her gaze, I saw it, sitting on the kitchen counter beside the fridge. "Oh, that?" I scraped the peppers into the saucepan, "That is my memory box."

"Ooh, that's even more exciting." She beamed.

"No. We're not opening it." I moved on to an onion.

"Aw, why not?" Jujubee whined.

"Because I made my Mom promise me she wouldn't give it to me until I turned 50. But I was weak and begged her to give it back. So now, I've promised myself to not look inside until I turn 50." The air was no longer clean, poisoned with the acid from the onion. My eyes were beginning to sting.

"Aw, Brie, you don't need to get all emotional about it." She had to go and joke about the tear now trickling down my cheek.

"Girl, this is torture," I wipe my eye along my wrist, pretty sure my eyeshadow has been fucked up. "Did I fuck up the smokey eye?"

"Nope." I knew she was lying to me, but she couldn't take her eyes away, "You look absolutely gorgeous as usual."

"Not as hot as you, though." I sniffed. I needed her to focus on reading so I could finish chopping the onion as soon as possible. "Anyway, you wanna read something in there?"

Jujubee opened the book and immediately laughed, "Jesus Christ, Brie, bit dark."

She showed me the first page, childlike scribblings read 'Brianna's Diary. DO NOT TOUCH! Or this will happen to you!' An arrow led to a picture of a grave.

"I never even noticed that before," I chuckled.

"With a warning like that, I better find some crazy shit in here." she cleared her throat, "So starting in 1994, 'Diary Diary, Today, I had a fight with Jujubee. She really upset me, but I upset her too. I should say sorry. That's all. Bye.'" Jujubee lowered the diary, "you bitch, why did you upset me?"

"I have no idea, girl. I mean, didn't we do that a lot back then?" I shrugged.

"I bet you started it though," She lifted the book again, a coy smile on her face. "OK, moving on to 1995," she cleared her throat, "'Dear Diary, today Mommy and Juju's Mommy took us to see Pocahontas at the movies. It was very good. Goodnight.'" Jujubee paused to giggle, "God, I love how detailed this is. You could have added so much more."

"Girl, I was 8 years old. Writing more than 4 sentences was like writing the bible to me." I countered, finally scraping the onions into the pan with the peppers.

"Yeah, but we did so much more that day. We went to McDonald's after, we found that little frog pond in the woods." She pointed out.

I hadn't even remembered that. Now I kind of wished my younger self would have pushed herself to write more.

I was too busy rifling through my messy cabinet for oregano to notice Jujubee just flicking through page by page.

"But, you wrote 3 pages worth of poetry to Blair St Clair?"

Once I found the spice, I spun around to look at her, "Juju, I told you to only look at the pages that were labelled."

She held a hand up, "OK, I'm sorry." She closed the book.

I felt bad, thinking maybe my harsh tone brought the fun to a grinding halt. Squeezing my eyes shut, releasing a sigh, I said, "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

She took a sip of her water while I added the oregano to the saucepan.

"So, did you text her back?" She played with the glass in her hands.

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Why? Do you think I should?" I asked quietly.

"Nah, not really."

"Well, why not?"

Jujubee shrugged her shoulders and went to look at her nails. "Don't know."

I clicked my heel, my tongue running along the top row of teeth behind my closed mouth. "Well, I've been thinking about it. I mean, maybe that's the problem. Maybe I could be a bit more responsive."

She made a humming sound. I was unsure what it was supposed to mean.

"OK, what's going on?" I put both hands on the counter.

"I don't know. I just think…" she paused, trying to find her words, "I don't see the point because the same shit will just happen again."

"The same shit?" I repeated, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, her speaking all but 10 words to you and then completely ignoring your existence." She put a hand under her chin.

"Well, maybe that wouldn't happen if I actually spoke to her like I wasn't terrified for once," I suggested.

She squeezed her eyes together, "Oh no, Brie. I knew this was going to happen."

"What was going to happen?"

"The whole Blair thing. I thought you were over it. Well, until she messaged you recently, I had a creeping feeling that it was all gonna come back."

"Juju, listen to yourself. You're talking like this is an actual problem."

"I hate to say it, but it is. Do you remember the time she hung out with you in the library? You were so excited the next day. I hadn't seen you so happy in so long. You wouldn't stop talking about how she would probably be there again." She paused, "But she wasn't. And you were so disappointed."

"Yeah, but things could be different now."

"And how's that?"

"Well, I'm a different fucking person now, that's one thing. I'm successful, I'm smart, I'm hot as fuck, rich as fuck - -"

"And you think that's gonna be the game-changer for her? That she's gonna come running into your arms? Because if that's the case, that says a lot about her." Jujubee rolled her eyes.

"Well, I'm a big girl, now. If it happens again, I'll just get on with things. I'll move on.

"That's a lie."

I squinted my eyes. "Why are you being like this right now? You're so salty just because I fucked wrote a private letter to her as a child."

"This isn't about the letter, Brie. You know why I'm being like this. You shouldn't need to ask." But she continued, "You've never dealt with never having parents. You think that if Blair was to suddenly be truly interested in you, you'd get over the feeling of being unwanted. Yet you're surrounded by people who love and support you, who'd stick with you to the end. But right now, you don't give two fucks about them because you're too busy panicking about some girl from high school."

I lift my head again, putting one hand on the desk and the other on my hip, "Well, congratulations, Juju. Sounds like you got me all figured out. Hey, you wanna talk about my Grandpa next?"

She only reacted to that with a scowl. And she spoke again.

"You remember the prom? Do you remember what happened? Do you remember how she didn't do anything to stop Trevor?"

My eyes shifted away, just for a second. "She told him to stop."

"Which did nothing."

I wanted to argue how she was unfair. How it was so wrong to blame Blair for the prom incident. But I was distracted by a burning smell. Only now did I notice the onions and peppers blackening.

I quickly moved the saucepan off the heat, feeling it only radiating in my own face. I put a hand on the counter, the other on my hip. "OK, Juju, maybe you should leave."

It was safe to say Jujubee was taken aback. She remained still for a second before pushing her stool out. "So that's how it is? Kicking me out when you're faced with the truth?"

"Juju, just leave, please." I felt my hands clench around the edge of the counter, my nails digging into my hip.

"I am!" She grabbed her coat and stormed from the kitchen. I flinched upon hearing the door slam shut, and only then did it sink in - the dread, the feeling of regret.

I looked at the hob, the burnt vegetables unsavable. So they went in the trash. My stomach grumbled. But I couldn't bring myself to start over again.

Opening my fridge, my eyes were immediately on the cake. And I glanced over my shoulder, looking where she had sat, now feeling a sense of emptiness. Not in me, but the room. Like I was alone.

I was alone.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I repeated as my hand clenched on the door. The cool air from the fridge felt nice but not enough to stop my panic.

I looked at the cake again, feeling the urge to throw it out the window. Or maybe just send it back to her.

Bitchy, I know. But I couldn't help it. I wouldn't be feeling like this if she hadn't acted the way she did.

I slammed the door shut, kicking it for extra measure. And in my heels, I almost tripped.

Filled with more anger, I paced around for a few minutes, aggressively cussing to myself.

Don't get me wrong, one part of me said she was right about Blair.

No. She isn't. I was going to prove Jujubee wrong.

I picked up my phone from the counter, found the message and began to type with trembling fingers.

"Blair…" I panted, "So sorry...for getting back to you so late... I'm a busy woman, as you...probably already know...Look... I'm just gonna say it...I really like you...I always have...You make me feel so confused...yet so happy at the same time...I feel a connection between us...I always have...I don't know whether you ever felt it or not...but I do hope so...I would love to meet up with you sometime soon...and maybe have a coffee...I don't know...maybe even some wine, if you want. I look forward to hearing back. Brie x"

My thumb hovered over the send button. The only sound I could hear was the ticking of the clock. Not even my own breathing.

I pulled my thumb away, closed my eyes and breathed out. "Brie. You sound fucking crazy. You sound insane. You can't just send shit like that." I repeated words of the same nature to myself, trying to usher myself off the edge before I could do something idiotic.

"Jesus Christ." I opened my eyes again, which were now glossy with tears. I wouldn't blink. I wouldn't let them fall.

Big mistake.

I thought I tapped the chat bar, going to delete the message. But my blurred vision said, "haha, no."

I tapped the button next to the chat bar. The send button.

The little noise my phone made as it was sent may as well have been the same as a gun clicking.

"Oh, God." My eyes couldn't tear away from the small screen. My heart rate increased. "No, no, no, you fucking idiot!" I pressed my thumb down on the message.

There was a delete option.

I clicked it.

'Are you sure? The recipient may have already seen the message.'

I backspaced to check.

There it was, the tiny version of her profile picture falling to the bottom of the screen. She was reading it.

"Fuck!!" I blurted.

I put the phone down on the counter, began pacing for a moment, and looked back at the phone. This went on for a few minutes. I wanted to be as far from my phone as possible. But also needed to know if she had replied.

This was it.

Blair was going to know how I was weirdly obsessed with her.

She was going to know I was checking her out in the library that one time.

She was going to know that I had fingered myself so many times at the thought of her.

What were my options?

Suicide - Not gonna happen.

Running away - But the project.

Reply with 'Hey, sorry! My friend took my phone, haha' - did anyone ever believe that excuse?

Block her before she could reply - then she'd think I was even more crazy.

Call up her place of work and somehow get her phone confiscated - why, though? That would involve Facebook stalking her again, trying to think of an excuse. Even if I did so successfully, she still saw the message.

All of the options just lead to cons. It was hopeless.

With shaky fingers, I switched my phone off and practically threw it onto the counter.

My body sank to the ground, now holding my head in my hands.

What do I do? What do I fucking do?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

2004

I was shaking. Only slightly.

There was something about the prom that made me feel so on edge.

Maybe it was all the people, all together in one room.

Perhaps it was the fact the chess boys asked to make out.

Or perhaps it was the fear of missed opportunities. Opportunities that involved a certain someone.

I watched from the side of the room as Blair took pictures with her friends on her pink digital camera. There was a feeling of regret causing my stomach to twist, my fists clenching onto my purple dress.

That could have been me.

I felt a hand moving a curled lock of hair from my shoulder.

"Just think, girl; we're almost there," Jujubee appeared in front of my vision, "College is just around the corner."

"I can't wait to be out of here," I spoke quietly.

Everyone turned their attention to the stage as Rosé appeared, announcing it was time to crown Prom King and Queen.

"Well, it's pretty obvious who our queen is." Jujubee crossed her arms.

I knew who she was thinking of. To be fair, it was pretty obvious. But I wasn't complaining.

Trevor was our Prom King, not my King anyway. I scoffed as he cheered, being pushed up to the stage by his team.

"Jesus Christ, who would have thought." Jujubee took a sip of her punch, spilling a drop on her lilac puffy-sleeved dress.

"And your Prom Queen is…" Rosé paused, pulling the result from the envelope.

3...2...1…

"Blair St Clair!"

I smiled for the first time since walking into the place. I applauded her victory as she walked up onto the stage.

Blair hugged Rosé and whispered something in her ear. I had no idea what it was, but I was too distracted as Trevor just stared.

"You wanna make a speech, girl?" Rosé joked into the mic.

Blair laughed, covering her face with embarrassment. She turned down the offer.

"OK. Everybody," Rosé held a hand to Blair and Trevor, "You're King and Queen of 2004."

Blair looked slightly uncomfortable as Trevor put an arm around her waist. Why couldn't he get the hint she was done with him?

The two got down from the stage, Trevor's gaze following her in confusion as she moved far away from him.

"Aren't they supposed to do a dance now?" Jujubee asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, Juju. I've only seen proms in movies, and they're quite obviously exaggerated."

My eyes landed on Blair once more. Trevor was whispering something in her ear, and she shook her head, rolled her eyes and walked away. Yikes, he was desperate.

"Jesus, I'm fucking nervous." Rosé was approaching us now, well, the punch table we stood beside. "Getting up on stage gets my body shaking, you know?"

"Wish I could do that." Jujubee replied.

"Yeah, well, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do." Rosé replied.

I eyed her suspiciously. This was odd; she'd never really spoken to us before.

"But of course," she looked left, then right, before pulling a flask from her bra and pouring it into a cup, "this helps. You ladies want one?"

"Nah, I'm good," Jujubee made a stank face.

Me, on the other hand, having never drank alcohol in my life, piped up, "Actually, yeah. Could you just pour me a shot of whatever that is?"

"Yeah, of course," and she didn't lie. She poured me a shot of vodka. No spitting in the cup, no adding anything sneakily, no hostility.

She passed the cup to me, giving a mischievous wink.

Tossing it back, I was totally shocked by the burning sensation it caused to my throat. I began to cough and splutter.

"Girl, chill out, or you're gonna draw attention to yourself." Rosé looked around.

I placed the cup down on the table, the plastic practically crumbling in my hand.

"This is it. The beginning," Jujubee joked, dabbing the corner of my mouth with her pinky. I didn't even know there was a drop of liquid there.

And I didn't know there was a hair out of place either. Because she was stroking a soft hand down my temple to my cheek.

"Brie, do - -"

"Juju, I'm gonna ask her to dance with me," I said all too loud.

The hand dropped instantaneously, her smile falling in a matter of seconds. Of course, I expected this shocked reaction. Even Rosé had nearly choked on her drink.

"For real?" Jujubee asked after a silent moment.

"Yep," I answered proudly, putting my hands on my hips.

"I guess you've never touched a drop of alcohol in your life, loser." Rosé leaned close to me.

"Something like that." I felt slightly uncomfortable now that she was dangerously close to me.

She snorted a laugh, holding up her hands as she walked away, "I'm not responsible for this."

So this was what they called liquid courage. Yeah, it was one shot, but it was my very first. And I was already feeling it. The buzz.

I turned to make my way to the girl I loved when Jujubee grabbed my hand, "Brie, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes," I replied too quickly, tugging to pull away.

"Are you sure?" Her brows knit, "You're not gonna be upset if she says no, right?"

One final strong tug was enough to release her grip on me, "No, Juju. I'll be fine, just...stop questioning me, OK?"

She was silent, her arms dropping by her side.

But I continued on in my mission, vision slightly blurred, insides warmed.

Everyone around us was gone like they had just stepped into another world, leaving Blair and me in this reality. Or maybe it was the two of us who disappeared, somehow falling into the wormhole and ending up in the other world.

Or maybe it was just liquid courage.

There were only a few metres between us now. "Blair?"

She had been taking a sip of her coke when she looked up and noticed me. Wiping the corners of her mouth, she put the can down.

"Brianna!" She beamed. Her eyes looked me up and down, causing a brief moment of panic, "wow, look at you. You look great."

"Yeah, right, compared to you." I stifled a laugh.

"Oh, shut up." She smirked.

"So, um…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, looking away and to the ground, "I was just...wondering...if you'd wanna dance with me?"

I didn't lift my gaze. Only now did I understand what Jujubee meant. The girl hadn't even said no yet, and my heart was already sinking.

"It's just...this song is so good, and it's the end of the year, and we may not - -"

Before I could continue rambling, she cut me off.

"Sure. Yeah, I'll dance with you."

I lift my gaze to see her glittering smile. Like in the library, time didn't feel real anymore, and I needed to remind myself to breathe. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course." She briefly knit her brows like it shouldn't have been questioned. She took my hand in her perfect french manicured one, "Come on."

As we made our way to the dance floor, I was only now reminded that there were people here. So, we didn't slip through a wormhole. This was real. This was reality.

Blair found a spot on the floor, turned to me and wrapped her arms around the back of my neck.

For a moment, I was unsure of where to put my hands. I glanced over her shoulder, noting the couple also slow dancing. She has her arms around his neck. He had his arms around her waist.

I was hesitant at first but eventually gave in. Blair didn't mind. And I felt myself relax.

She just stared at me, the sweet smile still on her face. The music echoed around us. The lights were low. Pink tinted.

"So, how does it feel winning Prom Queen?" I asked. Of course, it felt amazing for her, but I needed to find an excuse to speak. Anything to avoid the somersaults my stomach was doing.

"I mean, it's nice, I guess. But, it's all bullshit anyway?" Her smile faltered, "Not something anyone in the future will give a fuck about, right?"

I disagreed. If I were to win prom queen, I would feel validated. And I would make sure I'd bring it up to everyone I ever met. Pathetic, I know.

"Well, I can't think of anybody better," I admitted. "Maybe they could have chosen a better King."

"Agreed." She nodded. "You know, literally just now, he tried to use this whole King and Queen thing to 'try again'. Not even that long before you came up to me. Brianna, I've already given him another chance. And he blew it."

"During the Summer?" I recalled.

"Yep." She pursed her lips.

"What did he do, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, he just had some major anger problems," her eyes widened for a moment, "He never hurt me, though. He just...got so angry over the dumbest shit. It was just too much."

She puffed out a breath, the frown on her face appearing.

"You don't have to tell me any more," I said quickly.

"Sorry, I don't wanna get emotional." She looked back at me. "It's just... it's hard not to. You're a good listener."

How should I have felt knowing that was her analysis of me from very little time spent together? She really trusted me. "Blair... I'm sorry about that time in the library. When you mentioned my Grandpa. I feel terrible now."

"Please, don't. You were grieving."

'Was I really though?' I held back from saying.

"I never really had a Dad," I smiled, seeing his stupid smile in my head, "But he was the closest equivalent to that."

"I know what you mean." She began, "My Dad…" she trailed off for a moment, "He wasn't the best. You probably remember that one time I ran away as a kid. When you walked me to my Grandma's."

I wasn't even tense in the first place, but my body felt like it relaxed. "You remember that?"

"Of course I do. It really meant a lot, Brie." Her thumb stroked the back of my neck. I don't know if she did this intentionally or subconsciously. Was she even thinking about it? "That day, I never went back. Ever. My Grandparents took full custody of me, and they became my second parents. The ones I always deserved."

I felt my body relax even more like this was normal. "Blair, I wanna carry on something my Grandpa started."

"What's that?"

"It sounds crazy," I pause, "But he wants me to find a parallel universe."

I paused to take in her reaction. She did look taken aback for a moment. Could you blame her? "Is it even possible?"

"I mean, at first I thought he was a bit out there asking me something like that, on his deathbed and all. But I've been studying really hard, and I think it's achievable."

"That's interesting." She nodded. "So, what are you gonna do at college?"

"Drugs." I giggled before the smile dropped, "OK, not funny. Bad joke."

"I'm laughing, though." She was.

"Um, no. I'm gonna do Astronomy and Space science."

"I didn't know that was a major you could do," Blair replied.

"Me neither. What about you, though? Something in theatre?"

Blair lowered her gaze for a brief moment, "I dunno, Brie. I honestly don't see college as a me-thing. I'm constantly torn between theatre, fashion merchandising, cosmetology, politics..."

"Politics?" I laughed and instantly hoped she didn't take offence to that.

"What?" She smirked. "What's funny?"

"I just…" I paused, feeling my heart skip a beat as a particular memory came back. "This is crazy. I can't believe I remember this. All I can think about right now is the day we met. Remember the first day of elementary? On the bus? I told you I wanted to be a politician when I was older, just 'cause they liked to shout a lot. And you couldn't say the word right."

"Oh fuck, now that you mention it, I do remember." Blair laughed, "That was such a long time ago. We were so little." She looked away as if her mind had transported her to that moment. Did she remember it like I did? Did she remember how she held my hand and told me she was my friend?

And then never sat with me ever again?

My eyes had drifted away, looking over her shoulder at nothing in particular. The bad thoughts were taking over. I didn't want them to. I wanted to enjoy this moment forever. Just swaying back and forth with Blair in the middle of the dance floor.

She stroked her thumb on the back of my neck again, causing a spark to course through me.

Blair's looking at me again. "Brianna, how come we never talked more?"

I don't know if it was just me fantasising again, but her face was moving closer to mine, ever so slowly.

I had the answer to her question. But it couldn't ruin this moment. "I don't know," I whispered.

She was closer now, head tilted to the left.

And I found myself doing the same.

This was another fantasy. This isn't real.

I felt her breath on the corner of my mouth.

It felt real.

It was.

There was a frustrated roar.

A tight fist clenched around my arm.

I was pulled back forcefully.

My feet gave way.

I was on the ground.

"Are you kidding me??" Trevor stood in front of Blair, his face red with anger, "You won't fucking dance with me, but you'll dance with her??"

Everyone around us was just standing there, too shocked to do something.

"Trevor, what the fuck??" Blair went to move around him, trying to get to me. He only pushed her back.

"Of all the people, why her??" He grilled Blair with more questions. She looked afraid now.

Why the fuck wasn't anyone doing anything??

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but looking around, I saw it was actually Rosé. "Trevor, what the fuck??"

He turned to look as if offended that anyone else got involved. How could they not? Seeing her helping me stand must hit a nerve. Because he's snatched a cup of punch from a bystander, "Why are you defending the dyke??" And he threw the cup forward, the liquid drenching my hair and splattering my dress.

That was the final straw. I could feel my chest heaving.

I ran to the nearest exit. Running from the school. As soon as I felt the cool air on my skin, I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I was bent over, throwing up all the panic. Sparks of the bile dotted the bottom of my dress and shoes. I didn't care. My dress was already ruined.

I heard the door open behind me and immediately began to move again.

I tried to run, but the heels made it hard.

The person was in front of me now, hands on my face, tears streaking her face.

I expected it to be Blair.

But it was Jujubee.

"Brie, it's alright. I punched him for you." She whimpered, her hands on either side of my face, holding me tenderly.

My breathing was rugged, trying so hard to listen to her reassuring whispers. But in my head was the sound of the crowd gasping and Trevor shouting.

No one was going to forget about this. I'd be reminded by the stares in the corridors, how they'd whisper to each other.

"Let's go to my house. You can stay over if you want." Jujubee's sweet voice brought me out of my thoughts.

Words still failing to surface, I nodded.

As soon as we got in, she ran me a hot bath. Whilst I cleaned myself of the sticky punch that covered my hair and face, she made chocolate mug cakes with ice cream.

Sitting there in her room, dressed in her fluffy pyjamas, eating her food, I should have felt better. I should have been happy. But I just stared at the mug in my hand, still thinking of Trevor's anger and Blair's distressed face.

Jujubee took the mug from me, set it aside along with her own, and enveloped me in a hug. "Don't cry, Bri. Please, don't cry."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I was crying." I wept.

"Don't apologise." She shushed me, "It's OK. You're OK."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

2020

And even now, I didn't realise I was crying again. And as it was too late to stop myself, I remembered sobbing into Jujubee's shoulder, holding her tightly, like she was the only one who could get me through it. She was the only one who could get me through it.

The events of the prom left me scared, always so on edge when walking those school corridors. Just terrified that Trevor would round the corner and do something worse.

But Jujubee was there for me every time. She'd hold my hand, not giving a fuck about who looked at us weird.

I know I should have grown a backbone and defended myself, and what had actually happened shouldn't have been as damaging as it was. But, hey, I was only human.

Jujubee got in a lot of trouble for punching Trevor in the face. But she didn't mind. "Just as long as he got what was coming to him," she had said.

Hearing her retell the event, I wish I had been there. She had jumped on him, tackling him to the ground and punched him over and over again.

But as exciting as that all was, I didn't speak to Blair again. I didn't think about her. I didn't talk about her. I didn't even look at her. Blair wasn't the one to come after me that night. She never even approached me to talk about it. She didn't give a fuck.

So I kept my distance.

And just as life went on without her, she just had to go and message me. After years of silence, she couldn't have left well enough alone.

I finally lifted my head. I reached up and grabbed my phone. Turning it back on, I immediately deleted Messenger, hoping to never see Blair's response.

This would be the beginning of my journey toward happiness.

Yeah. That was it. That's what I would do.

[graequeen]

La Mia Ragazza Rockey Chapter 4

"Well that one was a no…" I said to myself as I crossed out the tutor position off of my list. It had been a week since I emailed my resume to them, and I had only received a response back from them earlier today. It was a formal response, or as formal as it could be, as it questioned the nerve I had applying to a job I didn't qualify for. They ended up hiring a college student a few days earlier, and had simply forgotten to notify the other applicants. 

          I've been running between job interviews, and the only thing I've accomplished was a well deserved work out. After all of the food and booze I've consumed over the past few weeks, I would still need to continue walking for another couple of miles. 

          At the current moment, I was sitting outside a Dunkin Donuts, enjoying my third cup of Iceed Coffee, which I knew I was going to regret later. My interview list had gotten shorter, with only two interviews left; both of which were at the mall. 

          "I thought I've past that point in my life where I would need to find work at a mall?" I asked myself depressingly. I figured I would be at a different part of my life at this age. The fact that I was currently considering working at the GAP, meant that I had hit a new low in my life. But money was money, and I needed a lot of it. 

          I felt my phone vibrate in my pant suit pocket; my short break was over. In order to make it to my next interview, I would need to walk 45 minutes. Thankfully I was wearing something comfortable: a dark grey pant suit with a pink blouse. I had on flats, and my hair was let loose into large curls. When this was done, I am going to buy Tony the biggest bottle of wine.

          I got up, and began making my way down Broad St. For the first few minutes, I remained focused. By the time I made it to the next block, I got distracted. I began looking through shop windows, and began to buy small snacks. I'm such a mess…

          As I crossed to the next block, I noticed a small child walking by himself. He had on a private school uniform: navy blue pants, grey jacket, white button up shirt with a navy blue bowtie. His reddish-brown hair was disheveled, as if he had just woke up. But it was his face that concerned me. His face had lost all color, and there was a blank expression in his eyes. There seemed to be something wet covering most of his head, and the top half of his uniform. It was as if something was poured over him. 

          'Was he being bullied?' I asked myself. The thought alone triggered back a flood of painful memories. By the end of the day, I was going to end up drunk and binge eating again. 'FUCKING GREAT!'

          This kid was gaining the attention of everyone around him. Some were concerned, but for the most part, they kept to themselves. Though I knew I had to go to the next interview, I couldn't help but follow him. I wanted to make sure he was ok.

          Once he hit the corner of the street, he turned to his right, and continued walking. It was a quiet street; not many shops, other than one pizzeria. I continued following him, making sure nothing happened to him. 'But how long can I follow this kid for…?'

          I began walking right next to him, hoping he would notice my presence. But I quickly realized I could have worn a space suit clown outfit; I was never going to get noticed by this kid. 

          "Hey kid, are you ok?" I asked softly. I guess I startled him, because he stopped and turned to stare at me with wide eyes. Before he could answer me, we were interrupted by a small group of boys. 

          "There goes the little bastard immigrant!" A boy yelled from behind us. There were four of them, looking as if they were in their last year of middle school. They were the definition of pretty boy, rich kids that ran their school. 

          The look on the other boy never went away; in fact, it looked like it got worse. His attention turned to his abusers. He began to shake at the sight of them. A large knot began forming at the bottom of my stomach. 

          The main bully began to waltz over to us; he didn't even bother looking at me. He figured I was not going to do anything. He was a brunette pretty boy, who came to my shoulders. There was an arrogant, cocky manner in the way he walked; it bothered the shit out of me. 

          "Who the fuck do you kids think you are?" I asked, stepping in front of the small child. The other boy looked at me, as if just realizing I was there the whole time. 

          "Move bitch!" The main kid said as he attempted to push me out of the way. Without thinking I grabbed his arm, twisted it, and pushed him back to his group. Apparently I used too much force, cause there were tears in his eyes. The other three boys had a look of fear as they saw their ringleader reduced to tears.

          "They don't make bullies the same way anymore, huh?" I asked out loud. "Why don't you punk ass kids get out of here before I show you some old school bullying." The group of kids looked at each other, back to me, before turning around. 

         "This isn't over tomato-face little bitch!" The ringleader said, before leaving with his cronies. They raced towards the end of the street before jumping into a black town car. I didn't get a chance to write down the license plate.   

          "I don't need your damn help!" The boy behind me grunted angrily with a heavy Italian accent. I turned around with a weird, annoyed face. I was not going to let this brat talk to me like that after I saved him.

          "Look here kid, I don't give a flying rat's ass if you asked for help, or not. I'm not going to let anyone get bullied in front of me." I said as I crossed my arms, giving him my best adult look. 

          "Wipe that look off your face grandma! I could've handled my own! I don't need help from other bullies!" He said as he attempted to walk away from me. I should've just left it as us, but for some reason, I couldn't help but interfere more. 

          "Look here you piece of slimy poop!" I said, grabbing the kid on the shoulder and redirecting him to a small table outside the pizzeria. Before he had a chance to protest, I forced him to sit. I looked at him eye to eye, making sure he understood how serious I was. 

          "I never said I was a bully...I just know how to deal with them." My voice began to shake a little as I repressed violent memories. "I just know how bullies work." 

          I grabbed a few napkins off of my small handbag, and drenched it with some water from my water bottle. I carefully began to wipe his face, trying to be as gentle as possible. He was clearly not happy about me touching him. His eyes showed a huge distrust in me, and if I was not careful of what I did or said, I'd lose him. 

          "One time, my bully kept me inside the girl's bathroom for the entire day. She kept beating my ass, and dunking my head into the toilet. I swear to this day, I cannot pass a public bathroom without feeling like there is still shit and piss in my hair. I think I got all of it out…"

          He laughed for a split second, before returning to a serious face. I broke through somehow, and I needed to make sure I kept it up. 

          After a few minutes of silence, he asked, "H-how old were you?" 

          "I was 16." I admitted in defeat. "My name is Jaz, but you can call me Rockey." I said, extending my hand. He took it with his after much hesitation. 

          "My name is Matteo." he said. 

[leonawriter]

Waiting On A Word

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Doctor Who

Characters: Bill, Heather, Penny, Twelve (mentioned), Missy (mentioned)

Pairings: Bill/Heather

Summary: When Bill realises that the Doctor might not have been as gone for good as she'd thought, she decides to go back to Bristol to see if he reappears. She owes him a proper goodbye, even if nothing else.

...

It's hard not to be distracted, now. She can't even blame herself for it, either - here she is, serving chips again, when she could be out there, travelling the stars with her girlfriend.

Girlfriend. Wow, that's still new. Even a few months going around touring time and space couldn't get rid of how new that felt. 

Bill catches herself smiling, which is great, but she really needs to focus. It wasn't like she'd come back to work as a chip girl for fun, after all. There was a reason.

You saved me, made me back into me again, she'd said to Heather one day, as they sat on the top of a space station and watched the workers in their space suits float by, kept from flying free by the equivalent of ropes and cords. If it weren't for the Doctor, I wouldn't even have got that far. He saved my life - so many times. 

She could still remember shivering from the memory of the last time she'd been out in space without a suit or a helmet to protect her. Heather reminding her that the way they were now, they weren't in any danger. And then, the sudden thought to ask if her tears landing on the Doctor might have done anything to him, and Heather shrugging.

My mum always told me that if I was lost, she'd said, starting to think, I should stay right where I am. Or go someplace someone'd know to find me. At least, that's what I always thought she'd say. It makes sense, though.

Figuring that might work this time, or even that it was what she thought she needed to do, had still taken a few different encounters - some friendly and some not so - where Bill was sure they were talking about the Doctor - her Doctor, not any of the others, like the one someone'd said had raced through their market stall like a, well, a thing that sounded like it was a drunk giraffe wearing a bowtie, or the one that'd had the locals freak out because he was wearing so much white, that they apparently associated with death, and a weird vegetable attached to his clothes. A few mentions of someone calling himself 'Doctor' in a blue box and going on about broken promises was plenty enough to make her suspicious.

She had her ideas as to who those other ones were, though. 

He's her, he'd explained to her in the barn, sitting next to her but not quite as close as she could remember them being. At some point he must have died, and when he did, he became her. It's called regeneration. I've done it myself. At some point, I'll need to do it again, when this body's worn too thin. I've never been a woman, though. Who knows, maybe next time that'll be me.

He'd turned to her and smiled slightly, although even at the time she'd known it hadn't been a really happy one. In his own weird way, he'd just been trying to cheer her up.

Another dish washed and put on the drainer. She reached out for the next.

...

As soon as she could after reorienting herself from not having been home or anything for over ten years, revisiting all the places she used to know so well, and she began taking the initiative a bit more.

Heather held her hand on the way up to the Doctor's office, giving her a supportive look that she'd really needed when she gathered up the courage to just knock. 

The worst thing was when nothing happened. Just like the rest of the staff and students had said, he was just... gone. Ever since he'd got it into his head to test Missy. 

Heather took them through the door, just to check, but they weren't there long. Everything was exactly as she'd remembered it - the photos still there, perfectly untouched. Papers unmarked - she could see her last one there on the pile by her handwriting, which was weird - and a cup of tea gone cold, another reminder that it hadn't just been her and the Doctor, but Nardole, too.

There was an empty spot in the corner where the TARDIS should be, conspicuous by its absence.

Heather tugged at her hand as she felt her throat tighten, and the next thing she knew, they were somewhere else entirely, a few thousand years into the future, where the sky rippled in different colours.

...

When they came back next, Heather materialised in the kitchen behind everyone's backs and pretended all innocent like, as though she'd not just been on the other end of the cafeteria hall with that smile of hers. 

Bill didn't think the others much believed either of them, but without suggesting she was, oh, some sort of time-and-space hopping water alien, no one could argue much, either.

She'd normally have been annoyed when she was left on her own to finish washing up after everyone, but this time she didn't mind. They made a good team - when they weren't splashing soapy water in each others' faces, and Bill wasn't laughing because it reminded her of how Heather'd looked when she'd first turned into the Pilot, and how this was way less scary or freaky. Then Heather splashed her, and said you're like me now, and they'd ended up kissing in St. Luke's kitchen, Bill smiling just like she had the first time, dishes forgotten for a minute or so.

I still don't understand, though. Out of everyone, she chooses me.

Not a bad thing, though, just something more to smile and thank her lucky stars over.

...

A few days later found them standing in front of the vault the Doctor had kept Missy in, Bill feeling just a bit silly over how nervous she was just to be near that thing - the last time she'd had anything to do with that woman, she'd ended up converted into a Cyberman, and from what the Doctor had said, that wasn't the worst she, or he, had ever done - because she was like Heather now, right?

Heather squeezed her hand, and Bill knocked.

This time, she felt guilty to be relieved that nothing happened, even after a few minutes.

It really was just an empty box behind a door in the basement of the university, now. Nothing scary about it.

She hesitated as they were about to leave, though, a thought crossing her mind, a question that suddenly needed to be answered.

"You know how when you were first trying to find me, and the Doctor came down here to make sure it was all secure and everything? Could you have? I mean, got in there?"

Heather considered the vault doors for a moment, but then shrugged, turning back to face Bill.

"Dunno. Wasn't really after whatever was in some dusty old vault, was I?"

"It was kinda a 'who', not a 'what'."

Which was weird to think about, now - she hadn't known at the time, though she had wondered what could be so important. After their discussion on the roof that one day before Missy's test that'd gone to hell in a hand basket, it kinda made more sense. 

"That's what I was thinking, too," Heather says, a smile in her eyes, and Bill takes her hand again, thinking I'm glad you came back, and not for the first or last time.

...

They run into Penny not long after, in between kitchen duty and something infinitely more interesting, because of sudden cravings for Earth chocolate, which, despite what the stalls on some alien planets in the far future said, the taste was never going to be as authentic as it was bought straight from the supermarket

It was awkward, at first. If she was honest, Bill would say she was worried because it might look kinda like she'd been cheating, and with an extra ten (now a bit more than ten) years since they'd last seen each other, it'd taken until now to remember that they'd been talking about having a quiet movie night in someday.

It was a relief when everyone was properly introduced and everything was explained, there weren't any hard feelings.

"You know," Penny said once things had calmed down some, "I think it's all for the best anyway. I don't think we would've worked out. No offence, really! Just, I don't think I could keep up."

"What with world powers crashing our dates?"

"Don't even remind me," Penny said, covering her face with her hand somewhat. But they both ended up laughing, and drawing Heather in when Bill realised that she didn't know what'd happened, and then explaining about the whole incident with the Doctor saying that the first time they'd tried for a date, it'd been crashed by the bloody Pope.

Through trial and error, they still manage to end up having their movie night in, though it's probably nowhere near what they'd first planned for it being, with Penny being the only properly human human left in the room, the three of them watching Guardians of the Galaxy, and the three of them spending half the movie laughing at the inaccuracies - mostly Heather, pointing out that no ship would work without this or that really scientific thing - and singing along to the soundtrack.

It'd been ages since she'd felt this nice, this happy, this at home. Seeing the people she cared about laughing and smiling. She didn't think she'd seen Heather smile about something that wasn't showing her another new part of the universe before, and sometimes something normal, Bill had long since decided, could be really, really important.

The only thing was, there was still something - someone - missing.

...

AN: This was originally meant to have a scene at the end, which was half done when it ended up being deleted by accident. I might still be able to re-write it at some point - I really hope so, because that one scene was most of why I wrote this in the first place. But for now, I like the bits with Bill and Heather enough that I want to share them anyway.

That said, it was also done with the intention of it being slightly AU to the canon episode, wherein the Doctor was fully healed by Bill's space engine oil tear, so he's able to go places a bit before the events of the Christmas Special start. Additionally, the fic ‘Standing By’ is canon to what I’ve written here.