#I've dissected a lot of things since starting university

[givemeanaccountalready]

Musings on Deep Cover

So, I was fiddling with my ladies of Milgram post, and uh, I started thinking about Kotoko's diss track.

The lyrics transcribed on the Deep Cover video are:

UNDER Doltish 001 Parasite / UNDER Obscene 002 Slut / UNDER Incessant 004 Phony Queen / UNDER Doomed 005 Dissection Pawn / UNDER Concealing 007 Deceiver / UNDER Inept 011 Guard

My favorite is Ninjastic Cheetah's fan edit on YouTube which has these lines:

UNDER A worthless 01 parasite / UNDER A vulgar 02 slut / UNDER A stubborn 04 perjury / UNDER Unsalvageable 05 dissection / UNDER Lying 07 madman / UNDER Unloved 11 prison guard

Again, I love the psychic damage of "unloved" being Es's insult, but that's not the point I want to discuss before I turn in for the night.

Don't get me wrong. I love the diss track. I really do, but if I were Kotoko, I would have gone for the jugular and called out their insecurities when dropping names to emphasize how little I thought of how their justifications:

UNDER Fatal 001 leech / UNDER Lonely 002 little girl / UNDER Whiny 004 usurper / UNDER Short-sighted 005 savior / UNDER Selfish 7 manipulator / UNDER Misguided 011 pretender

Now, as fun as that was, this wasn't just a little aside. In Kotoko's diss track, she doesn't say anything that couldn't have been picked up from listening to voice dramas (if Kotoko did in fact eavesdrop on all the other prisoners' interrogations) or found within the timeline conversations. In their second trial interrogations, Yuno admits to being a sex worker and having an abortion, while Kazui laments the fact that he's lived his entire life as a liar and states that he should have kept lying for Hinako's sake. Shidou agrees with Es that his murders involved his work as a doctor and hints that pressuring families to donate the organs of their brain-dead loved ones wasn't the only murder he's done. I've kind of said it before when I said "Local man discovers empathy," but I think he pushed patients to undergo risky, new surgeries in hopes that it would treat their conditions, and it was only when his wife and two boys were in the hospital that he realized the terror those families felt when their loved ones went under the knife. Haruka admitted to killing things smaller than him to gain his mother's attention and his unhealthy dependence on approval from his "mother" figures is obvious in the second trial. Muu contradicts herself a lot when defending herself from what she perceives to be abuse and preens under the positive attention Haruka gives her. She does seem to think herself above approach like a queen would. With Es? I think it was Kazui who said it best back during the first trial: the only difference between Es and the prisoners are the roles assigned. Undermining their authority and implying they can't do their job is a surefire way to piss off Es. Why do I bring this up?

I think Kotoko may know less than we and Es do.

Mainly because it hasn’t really been explained how the song extraction device works. We know that it pulls memories from an individual’s subconscious and turns them into a musical number. We know that the in-universe explanation for the time gap between trial songs is that it needs to charge between uses. That’s stuff Jackalope told us back in the Welcome to Milgram video. From the voice dramas, we know the general procedure is that a prisoner is called to the interrogation room, Es arrives late as a power move and then interrogates the prisoner until the bell sounds and we can hear machines or something whirring and clanking in the background. Since it’s an audio, we don’t know what the interrogation room looks like before and after the bell tolls, but there seems to be an implication that the room changes and that the prisoners are belted into the chair. I’m not so sure if the chair is real but the first trial voice dramas have me an implication of the prisoners being restrained in some way.

If I had to guess, I would say that the round, bird cage like room we saw in Undercover and Deep Cover is the interrogation room. That would explain what the circular room on the map is (not the one with the numbered cells, the one opposite of that). Undercover implies that the song extraction device opens up to work, but we’re not told or shown how it pulls memories or how it depicts the music video. Es and the prisoner may very well be “asleep” while this process plays out mentally. Or it is projected somewhere within the interrogation room while the prisoner is “asleep” since none of them seem to remember what happens after the bell rings.

I have a thousand questions on how this device works. The only important one is how are the songs shown to Es, because if Kotoko knew exactly what some of the first trial Innocent prisoners had shown in their videos (namely, Haruka strangling his younger self and clearly bludgeoning something to death with a bloody rock, and Muu stabbing Rei), she most likely would have judged Es’s verdicts as faulty and attacked the prisoners based on how she views the crimes rather than relying on Es's verdict. I say this with confidence, because Kotoko has made it clear that her vigilante actives, both in Milgram and before, are a way for her to inflict punishment that others (namely the justice system) won’t dole out to the guilty. She has no problem with skirting the system to do that.

But, if the songs are only shown to Es and Es alone through some kind of mental link, then Kotoko is forced to take Es’s word on what they (and we, the audience) saw. Deep Cover made it clear that Es's refusal to condemn more prisoners is what ticked Kotoko off, since she sees mercy and compassion as weaknesses to be eliminated. Kotoko actually showed a remarkable amount of restraint when trying to sway Es back to her side. It wasn't until Es stood up to Kotoko that she lost her composure.

It also would partially explain why some say that Deep Cover is Kotoko’s musical version of a resume for the warden position. If there is stuff that Es knows that she isn’t privy to because of their warden position, then she needs to obtain either the warden status or an official deputy position to get that information to further influence how Es votes. If she is proving her worth to Es and Milgram, why wouldn’t her subconscious show her desire to be in control the way Es is?

[comma57]

devil may cry netflix show!?

hi everyone. welcome to my in-depth analysis of the upcoming devil may cry netflix anime. yesterday was the first time we got a look at what to expect visually. it was very short, but there's a lot to talk about. long, image heavy post ahead.

what's old?

firstly, let's briefly go over what we had known about the show before the trailer was shown. it's featuring dante (of course), and lady and vergil were confirmed to also make an appearance. so i had assumed it was a dmc3 adaptation, since it was unlikely to be post-dmc5. the first season would be 8 episodes long, with more seasons to come. the producer and co-writer is adi shankar, and is working with the producer for the original dmc and 2007 anime, hiroyuki kobayashi. (1)

here's a selection of quotes from some interviews with shankar, previously known for work on netflix's yasuke and other shows (something called "castle" "vania"). apparently he's working on a PUBG show too. okay.

"I've acquired these rights myself, so that the jabronies in Hollywood can't fuck this one up too." (2)

"Again, this was developed by a DMC fan for DMC fans, that was the ethos of this project. Production should start at the beginning of next year." (3)

"I feel like I can meaningfully contribute to the lore of the series. Devil May Cry has unique iconography and emotionally engaging lore." (4)

"The characters in DMC have an operatic depth and they experience growth across the series so it’s fun to – in a Marvel Cinematic Universe: Phase 3 kind of way – play with and explore that depth through the lens of psychological realism and dissect the trauma buried below the surface of that depth." (4)

"Devil May Cry.. will join Castlevania in what we're now calling the 'bootleg multiverse'. Let the speculation begin." (6) (i forgot he said this i'm so scared)

"You're a Vergil fan? Are you also a Thanos fan?" (6)

what's new?

with that awesome start out of the way, let's get into the new stuff. with no release date other than "soon", we know it's being animated by studio mir, a studio based in south korea ("anime" feels like a misnomer now but i won't get into that) and previously worked on legend of korra, voltron legendary defender, and star wars visions vol 2, to name a few.

hideaki itsuno, director of the dmc series since dmc2, tweeted that he was "supervising it properly!" (7)

there was also a promo for the netflix stream that showed ebony & ivory.. from the DmC reboot. which hopefully was a mistake. and that the reboot has nothing to do with the show.

here's the tagline for the show: "In this animated adaptation of the popular Capcom game, sinister forces are at play to open the portal between the human and demon realms. In the middle of it all is Dante, an orphaned demon-hunter-for-hire, unaware that the fate of both worlds hangs around his neck." aww, dante.

alright, now let's get into the trailer analysis..!! LET'S ROCK!!!!

dante..?

here's everyone's favorite devil hunter- wait. where is he? who is this? checks notes um. well. i guess this is supposed to be dante. white hair, red coat, twin pistols, confident smirk.. it has the key points of dante, but something is off OH GOD IS HE WEARING A SHIRT? (and suspenders??)

1. his shirt? now, in all other iterations of dante he wears a shirt yes. but fans of the series would know in dante's look in devil may cry 3, he very much doesn't wear a shirt. that iconic red jacket is the only thing standing between him and catching a cold in cerberus' icy chambers. not having a shirt tells a lot about dante as a 19 year old living on his own. who's got time for shirts? he just took a shower and a demon crashed into his office. he's only got time to put on his coat in a very cool and dramatic manner. but that's not the only thing different from his dmc3 design.

2. his hair. dmc3 dante's hair is nearing shoulder length, and is pretty flat. his bangs have a tendency to cover his eyes, but in the original game (not hd collection, which fucked with the textures), there was a bit of transparency. (8) of course i would not expect the same level of detail in animation regarding the hair, so some liberties must be taken. going forward acknowledging that when i further discuss his design, netflix dante's hair is totally different when it didn't have to be. his hair is much shorter, and kinda flares up in the back. it's more like lady's hair in that regard. his bangs are also totally different. with the middle part, it looks like much inspiration was taken from dmc5 dante's hair.

3. his coat. or whatever his shoulder pads that connect to the back of his coat (to hold his sword and pistols) are different. personally i feel they take up too much real estate on his coat's striking red. the shoulder straps are there for dmc3, but the back part of it looks inspired by dmc5 (minus the skull, sadly).

4. his amulet. if nothing else, this is what confirms it's an adaptation of dmc3 for me, since we haven't seen the amulet since dmc3, and chronologically, since dmc1. it went into the sparda, after all. i'm actually very happy it's visible on his neck, since in the game, it's only visible when he's coat-less (at the beginning of the game), or when it's relevant. otherwise it's tucked away. so here's the slightly concerning news. the amulet doesn't look like how it appeared in dmc1/3. in fact, it bears a closer resemblance to the reboot, with the brown string and lack of silver encasing. scary! that's scary!

5. his guns..? these don't look like ebony and ivory, seeing as they're the same color. but honestly that's intriguing to me. it's possible the show could cover what the pre dmc3 novel covers—how dante got his iconic twin pistols, and lost a friend in the process (nico's grandma, nell goldstein the gunsmith), which i would actually love to see how that would be done.

6. his sword (OR LACK THEREOF) WHERE IS REBELLION?! maybe he stuck it in a beast. it literally took me this long to realize it's not there. feels intentionally omitted. what happened to it..

7. his voice. he has a different voice actor. which is awesome because reuben langdon sucks shit as a person.

now, there is nothing wrong with a redesign! but i can't help but be disappointed. the art style is not my favorite so far concerning his ..face.. but i think his hair was truly the biggest loss, especially when dmc3 dante is my favorite. it just doesn't look like dante to me. it's always possible he'll change over the course of the show (lose the shirt and suspenders for one).. maybe he gets a haircut.. one can hope. and those pants man. lose the gray pants. dark brown looks better.

miscellaneous musings

the last section of this analysis is on all other visual elements besides dante's design. you might want to turn your brightness up for this part.

here's a shot of some industrial looking area—looks like cement floors, some crates and metal shelves. there's a table? a bench?? and a support pillar, which makes me think it's in some kind of warehouse, lit up with moonlight from windows. also dante disappears for a moment, only to reappear a moment later, which i want to believe is him using air trick. one can believe.

the first picture looks like a tail or something slamming into the wall, which dante was jumping to avoid in the shot. for the second and third pictures, something with a bat wing like appendage swings at dante, and it becomes veiny and much like a blade. there are no dmc3, much less any dmc enemies that this could belong to. i would place my bets on it being a new demon designed for the show, unless they are drawing from some other media (novels, 2007 anime) that i'm less familiar with the demons of. it could look cool, i'm always down to look at new demon designs.

and that's pretty much it! i hope you enjoyed reading this. i will be watching it when it comes out and will definitely have thoughts and strong opinions on it, and probably will more informally discuss any other promotional materials they may share.

(1) https://www.ign.com/articles/devil-may-cry-anime-scripts-done-multiple-seasons-dante-vergil (2), (6) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1i-bP9MSi0c (3) https://comicbook.com/anime/news/devil-may-cry-netflix-anime-producer-adi-shankar-update/ (4), (5) https://ftw.usatoday.com/2021/11/adi-shankar-interview-devil-may-cry-anime-netflix (7) https://twitter.com/tomqe/status/1707071614423310754 (8) really recommend this video for those interested in how the hd collection differs from the ps2 originals. also catbus has done one on dmc1 too. general flashing warning bc it's dmc. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USE6-uwB6gc

[mechanical-sunchild]

Actually, I'd like to express my experiences as an alterhuman who was previously antikin. I'd also like to hear from others like this, as I'm sure I'm not alone.

Now, I've known I was a werewolf since I was <8 and an android since I was <13 (or thereabouts). I was not online at these times. So they were just things I felt to be true and kept within myself, except amongst others who were acceptably 'weird' enough to allow me to be 'weird' too.

Even so, I felt they thought I was messing around and not being serious, but to me, expressing that I was a werewolf (this was stronger than the android feelings for a long while) was just telling the truth and it felt good to get it out. It was a similar feeling to what would later happen when I came out as trans. It was about truth of the self.

At this time I also latched deeply onto a lot of fictional characters (none of these would turn out to be kintypes, btw) in a way that may be described as constellic or fictionflickers or otherhearted or some combination of all of these.

Then I did get online. But still I had no idea what 'otherkin' was. Then I got onto Tumblr and I learnt about otherkin, but as it turned out, in the worst way. I learnt because of a blog dedicated to posting 'otherkin cringe'. It showcased only the wildest stuff, the horror stories of the most inappropriate behaviours and logical dissections of why otherkin was bad and why it wasn't what they said it was.

You know the arguments. The point was, as my first exposure, they all sounded really logical and so I believed them. There seemed no shortage of 'bad and cringe' things being done and said by otherkin. At one point I was even convinced that 'otherkin = bad but therians are okay' because of the more spiritual aspect I thought therianthropy had. It made sense at the time. The point is, I became very vehemently antikin.

Not 'go out of my way to harrass otherkin' antikin, but 'long posts and rants on why nobody can be/should be kin' antikin for sure. Very cringe.

All the while I convinced myself that my feelings of being a werewolf and android were different to what otherkin were going through. I didn't bother to try and learn more, because I disagreed with the spiritual and metaphysical aspects I'd already heard and was too bogged down by the ideology against otherkin I'd already absorbed.

And because I had so many flickers and took on briefly so many fictional identities I imposed those feelings on everyone's kintypes. I believed obvious trolls. I believed otherkin were transphobic in their own dysphoria claims. I believed that mentally well people couldn't possibly have such beliefs. etc etc. They had me hook, line and sinker.

Then I met someone who I thought was cool, and they were otherkin, and I got talking to them and I realised how sincere their identity was and how much joy it brought to them to be able to be truly themselves. It reminded me of myself. I opened up about my own feelings and they were taken seriously, fully seriously, for once.

This was the start of a wonderful journey of piecing myself together. Some of them were old pieces that needed to be fully explored and some were newly awakened as time went on. I let myself explore my beliefs and feelings.

Now I realise that yeah, I'm likely what/who I am because of being ND but also I'm happy to state that I do believe that the essence of myself is eternally revolving, the me here is connected to many versions of myself in a non-linear fashion from many universes. So I am, will be, and have been all the things I am. I don't need these things to have evidence of being true because it's harmless for me to believe them.

Antikin still exist and we also have KFFers and it's in the same ballpark. Many will be people who just haven't had a good introduction to alterhumanism. Maybe they're alterhuman themselves, maybe not. I'm not saying give them any time and energy off your own back and waste your time on those who just don't want to hear. I'm just saying that if it feels like somebody is asking a question, even an obvious one, in good faith - your answer could be the start of some serious questioning on their part. I know it was for me.

[arealphrooblem]

Hi! I just read your story “The Promise” and I enjoyed it very much.

There was one thing that makes me curious though, and that is the choice to refer to one of the characters as the “antagonist”. As much as I got into the story, that word would get me out of the story every time I encounter it. Especially since the other character was the rebel. So having “the antagonist” vs “the rebel” seemed somehow of kilter. Hard to explain …kind of the rebel is the character in the story and is firmly in it, but the antagonist is a role being dissected in a literary review and is therefore outside of the story.

I know, I complicate too much.

This is something I noticed happening quite a bit lately. It may be on purpose, to keep a reader on their toes. Or a different way of expression, and that’s ok (it’s my hang up after all and no one has to cater to it).

But perhaps you’ll offer some insight on the choice in this story. Which is very lovely and I’d love to find out the rebel’s side, too.

Thank you for sharing your story 😊

I've seen Antagonist used in a lot of writings for the hero x villain community, most notably by The Modern Typewriter, so I think of Antagonist and Villain as almost interchangeable. They are both roles. Hero and Protagonist are also both roles that I see interchange a lot.

To be perfectly honest, I still find it strange to write roles as characters without them having names. It's fine for a one or two shot, but if I get into a backstory of a character or in a multi -part story, I feel like they should have names and I'm slowly easing into that in my stories here. I know that's not really the "norm" and I respect that because it was fun to play with labels without the pressure of turning them into fully fledged characters. But when they start gaining life, it starts to feel silly.

For me personally there is a subtle difference between Antagonist and Villain as far as character roles go. A villain is someone who can be evil or do evil things for the sake of their own goals. An Antagonist is just someone who opposes the Hero/Protagonist which doesn't necessarily mean they are evil or are doing evil things to oppose the Hero.

I don't consider someone who joined an organization that had already taken over their country/planet (still not sure if I want it to be scifi or not) to prevent themselves from starving to death on the streets as a Villain, even if they are a cog in the machine that creates evil things so I am not going to call him the Villain. I think Antagonist works better, even if he is the viewpoint character in this section.

The rebel is Rebel and not Hero because Hero to me is so tied with superhero universe in particular and that was not this universe. I chose Rebel to show the worldbuilding behind the fic and I chose Antagonist to show their relationship to each other and because I don't view him as a straight villain.

It really is that simple.

[k--image]

My first year of uni: a reflection

I have come very far since those dark nights in October, staying at the library till late, staring hopelessly at my leaflet on terrorism... Let's talk about it!

I spent the majority of the first semester finding my bearings with this semi-new environment, as well as degree-level work (not to mention the bus pass saga or struggling to find a volunteering placement...). I overcame a lot of social and academic challenges to find my place in my course and the university.

Once I was used to things (and switched bus services), semester two reacquainted me with what I was doing at A-level: balancing coursework with as many volunteering opportunities as possible. I learned to prioritise, network and communicate with others; I became increasingly aware of my future prospects (something which I didn't think I could be even more aware of!), constantly working towards my dream career.

I'm no longer the nervous, naïve sixth form leaver I was when I started: the change appears to happen seamlessly until you dissect it. I've realised that the course you study isn't even half of what the uni experience actually is - the more you expose yourself to new things, the more you learn about yourself and become comfortable.

The inevitable question: "Tips for freshers?"

Manage your coursework, then capitalise on opportunities

Digest the feedback you get from markers; improve your work

Make yourself known to staff and students

Understand your university systems, use them and actively seek to improve them (use your voice; give feedback)

Get as much experience as possible; improve your skills

Keep in mind why you're doing this - do you have a plan?

Enjoyment should be inherent if you're doing the right thing for you :)

It may have seemed crazy to become a rep for my course one month into studying it, but here I am six other voluntary roles later... My new motto is #AllHailTheCV - because it's the only thing you'll have to show at the end of your degree (aside from the certificate), so make every day count, even as a first year ;)

[gravitywonagain]

“Nobody asked about my writing” meme

thank you for tagging me @amethyst-noir <3 you're wonderful

i'm not sure i did this right; i'm working on too many things at once...... so i picked a few :D

 1: what are you currently working on? 

umm... several things. if we're going to stick to the immediate and not look at my entire wip folder, currently i'm working on finishing wagbfm, an external porny wagbfm oneshot ch, and a fic with the working title "under streetlights" as my main fan projects.

but then also, because i hate myself or something, i have (oh god) two (2) original projects that i'm building. the first shares a universe (or at least a magic system) with a fanfic that i'm not allowed to touch until i finish wagbfm because it will be a similar undertaking in length and world building, and it has the working title "desert mirage". the second doesn't quite have a plot yet, but i've been spending a not insignificant amount of effort developing the magic system for it from scratch (must be masochism), and its working title is "rebel yell".

2: summarize your current project 

which one? okay, i'll do the fics here and the original ones next.

wagbfm (taken directly from ao3): Wei Wuxian died and Yiling Laozu rose in his place. He has avoided the Triad societies he grew up around, maintaining his anonymity and forging a new cultivation path. Now, thirteen years later, Hanguang-jun walks into Demon-Subdue Hall and requests Yiling Laozu's services for GusuLan Triad. Something is stirring in the world. Something that necessitates his return to a life and to people he’s long since mourned as lost to him.

"under streetlights" (significantly less polished): 13 years after the car accident that took Wei Ying's life, Lan Zhan has fled the memories and grief that haunt him in San Francisco, only to find himself making a strangely compelling connection on Grindr in Florida.

3: summarize your current project poorly 

"desert mirage": Girl magically decapitates herself only to find out that it's not even her own head.

"rebel yell": In the world of genetic magic users, the one-armed whistler with perfect pitch is king.

4: describe your favorite character or characters

i think almost every character from mdzs could fill this list. plus several from my many other fandoms (looking at you, asami sato). but this seems aimed at ocs or other characters i haven't already spent time dissecting on this blog so...

meet calliope burns: she has two love interests, one arm, and zero fucks left. her default mode is research spiral. her glasses are always dirty. and she once threw her cheap-as-they-come prosthetic arm across a room because her roommate would not stop punning at her.

(also, worry not, i don't do love triangles unless the triangle gets closed... with polyamory, in case that wasn't clear.)

5: post a line from your current project without any context 

“You’re dead,” says Lan Zhan, and Wei Ying feels glass splintering around his temple.

6: how do you get through writers block?

patience? or, more accurately, distraction. i have no cure for it. i mostly just wait it out by doing other things. sometimes that becomes very difficult and aggravating, but i have not yet found another solution. sometimes making playlists helps?

7: would you want to live in the world of your current work? 

hell no. i do not write fun places to live; i write interesting places to live. and as we have all discovered by now, interesting is exhausting.

8: briefly discuss your outlining process, if you outline 

um... sporadic? it tends to start as a vague idea in a note on my phone. then when i've added enough to that note, it gets a onenote. on the onenote i collect a lot of larger character and world building things, in addition to figuring out the plot. the plot gets a bullet list with an associated timeline. then when the prose starts, it gets a google doc. from there the prose and the bullet list inform each other back and forth until i get something coherent out of them both. which is to say, mostly it's pretty freeform.

9: what is the aesthetic of your current project?

wagbfm: a darker chinese version of Romeo + Juliet (1996, dir. Baz Luhrmann)

"under streetlights": cigarette smoke and that fever dream feeling that accompanies yellowed, peeling motel wallpaper, but in, like, pretty sunset colors

"desert mirage": american southwest cow skull art

"rebel yell": 1980's punk scene meets 1950's technology meets 1910’s human rights violations and eugenics… plus magic!

10: what song sums up your current work the best?

wagbfm: the title is based on a lyric from "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes, but i think the song that gets at the heart of it might actually be "Freak" by Sub Urban

"under streetlights": the fic is inspired by "3 Nights" by Dominic Fike, but the song that it most resembles is actually "Hurting on Purpose" by Whethan

"desert mirage": "Black Magic" by Magic Wands but also "Corazón Espinado (feat. Maná)" by Santana... it's complicated

"rebel yell": "It's a good day (to fight the system)" by Shungudzo though the working title is obviously taken from "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol

Tagging: @dovebeast, @epistemologys, @jasontoddiefor, @eldritchjackalope, @iamwestiec if you feel like it, and really anyone who wants to play!

[lorei-writes]

Hello I hope sincerely not to bother you with my question 🙏🙈 but I want to let you know I adore your writing style and also your drawings they are so rich of details 😍😍 and this led me to this How did you learnt to draw ? Do you have any advice you feel like giving regarding drawing and writing too ? Any book blog channel that helped you find your own drawing style that may be useful ? Thank you so much for the patience 🤗 Have a wonderful day 😘

Hi, Julie!

I'm really flattered you think that way! Thank you!

Since you've asked about drawing and writing both, let's split it up. I'm not sure whether you'll find anything of it useful, so allow me to try and make it more universal.

Basic Writing Advice from the perspective of a non-native language speaker

English being somebody's second (third, fourth, etc.) language naturally influences how they wield it.

First of all, my personal priority is to ensure that the reader can understand me. The primary focus is grammar, even at the expense of embellishments. The most beautiful word soup is still just a word soup, not a story. Work on vocabulary alongside it.

Solid foundations are a must. I'd suggest adding on top of them only after that is more or less covered.

This connects to perhaps a rather controversial point: Comments saying that your work is good do not necessarily need to match the actual state of affairs.

Fandom has a specific comment culture (that is another topic I am not even touching). You do not express feedback in public comments.

If you want for somebody to be absolutely honest with you? The person you need is a skilled and reliable beta-reader. Somebody who will act with your benefit in mind, who understands how to deliver constructive criticism, and who will not hesitate to share their mind. "Great" is not useful when you want to improve.

Establish your boundaries (what would you like to receive feedback on, etc.) and what should be the preferred work mode for you both. Ready yourself for criticism, but also remember that you can't do everything all at once. That is fine. One step at a time.

--

Now, regarding vocabulary, because this is something I'm personally trying to improve: read, but read with intent. Even if you can gloss over words that you aren't exactly familiar with, do not do it. Go back to them, translate them, underline them. Every. Single. Time. Check how to pronounce them. Repeat until they're stored in your memory.

Similarly, if you see an interesting sentence? ANALYSE IT. Look at the tenses, at its structure, dissect it until you can tell you know why it works, why it hit you. Pay attention to punctuation!

--

I'd say one may develop their natural writing style as they learn and simply discover all the new tools and techniques. Being open to experimentation and challenges may be the key.

Drawing Advice (? Am I even qualified to give that?)

I am not sure whether I am qualified to speak much on the matter, but you've asked, so you must find some sort of worth in my works. And that is enough. So!

First of all, use references. There's no shame in that. Again, good foundations make for good results -- work on your ability to sketch first. In my experience, colour and rendering tends to highlight all the places in which the sketch was wonky.

That is likely rather obvious, but all objects can be broken down into simpler geometric figures/shapes. Practise it! Make lots of sketches, complete and incomplete ones. Look up the basic proportions for human body. Work with them, with anatomy, make marks on top of pictures to see how body parts work together; essentially, build up a data base.

Try different tools, however, remember not to assume that "grass is greener somewhere else". All things take practise. If you constantly switch between different mediums, how are you to ever become skilled in any particular one?

--

About me and my style... Well, I've started learning to draw in 2014-ish, although I did draw before then. I would do traditional art, after some time (years? I don't remember) I was drawin realistic portraits. (I was aiming for photorealism and I suppose I took some steps in that direction). I did mostly pencil sketches, however, I would also doodle with markers and later introduced coloured pencils. I enjoyed painting with acrylic paints, but never gained much experience in it.

Due to health reasons, I had to quit drawing in 2019. It wasn't certain whether I'd be allowed to ever pick it up again, but I was able to resume it in summer 2022. I've been slowly relearning things ever since while also expanding on some of them. Very. Slowly.

All that considered, I'd say style is very much a journey. There's no rushing it. See what you enjoy seeing, what works for you, what speaks to you, what you enjoy doing, and try to go in that direction. But how? I don't know. I'm a noob.

--

Oh, and if you want to learn things about colour theory, I think Saki from @wordycheeseblob may be the person to approach.

[voice-of-illogical-sense]

I've had a surprising amount of inspiration this year. I often sit in a writer's rut with an artist's itch, a desire to make things ...but without the time, nor the motivation to change it into something tangible.

I was considering going back to my earliest attempts at fan fiction, setting stuff in the star wars universe again.

There's also been a couple of things I started, fleshed out but never had a reason to continue:

My fantasy setting 'Realmsgate / Saraga' has been with me since pre-2012. Lots of great world-building, no conflict and no characters though.

Then a thing that I wanted to make to honour my grandfather. The idea has been there since I worked at the Art Gallery. Access to an alternate, magical universe that the First Nations have always known of, you enter through hollow gumtrees and stuff. It's never had a good call to adventure.

But then something awesome happened. I've been watching lots of tokusatsu shows (Godzilla and Power Rangers for my western audience). I've been watching so many of them that they've started inspiring worlds, conflicts, magic systems, all sorts! It's resulted in a three-part superhero-style sci-fi story thing. It's one of the first things in ages that I've told friends and family about and I've been proud enough to reel off a synopsis. Normally I keep things to myself.

I'm really into occult stuff and all sorts of fantasy lore. I've been dissecting the ideas of monsters and monstrous races and why we fear them. I've also been without a DnD group for a while... my circle of friends has changed and I haven't hung out with people that are interested in DnD (or interested in trying it out). I've learned a lot from the last lot of groups I have been in... how session 0 plays such a big role in setting the tone and the social aspect of the whole thing. I feel it really has to be at a table too. All these thoughts have coalesced into a new fantasy race that I haven't seen anywhere. The working name I have for them (Grumbats) may be lame but I love the potential they have.

[turnupswritessometimes]

How did you get so good at writing? I wanna start but i dont know how. I guess reading lots of books should be the first start?

Reading books is definitely a big part of it - but read as a writer! Take a moment to look at what the writer is doing with language and those techniques that you learn in english class. (Because they're actually effective, who knew.)

I can't recommend John Yorke's 'Into the Woods' enough. It dissects story structure in a very easy to understand way that you can apply to anything you're reading/watching. (And take notes when reading books on writing - it makes things stick in your brain.)

But honestly, the best way to get good at writing is to just start. I'm 'good' at writing, because I've been writing, fanfic or not, since I was 12. I'm assuming most people find me from A03 now - which means you aren't seeing the soul eater/harry potter crossover, or the x reader fanfics that I posted on ff.net and quotev. I want to stress that I've written a lot of stuff whilst figuring out how to write. (I've also taken old fics down from a03 because they are old and I don't want them cluttering my profile anymore!)

My point is to just scribble, or type, and get writing. Don't worry about it being 'good' in the first draft. You can edit later. (And even then, remember nothing will ever be perfect! Authors look at their books and still want to make edits!) Write, and keep writing, and don't stop. It's best to find a time of day to set aside for writing too. (I always write in the evenings.)

If it's not having an idea to start with, then I can't offer much advice. I'm never really stuck for what to write. (Which is its own problem.) There are writing prompt books out there which give some good starters?

I also need to be completely honest: I studied writing. I have a creative writing degree, and I'm coming to the end of my postgraduate. My works been critiqued by successful authors and peer-reviewed. That's hugely strengthened my writing. I don't think you need a degree to be 'good' at writing, but this ask is about my personal experience, and workshopping at university was a large part of it. Sharing your work with honest, and enthusiastic, friends is the most valuable part. (And friends who won't be afraid to say 'this could be better'!)

I hope that helps somewhat? The main takeaway is to just go for it - start writing and don't worry about it.

[borkthemork]

To be honest, the 3A discourse rubs me off the wrong way because it kind of feels like cartoon fandoms are pretty shallow sometimes?

Note how many people keep dismissing the Plantars, even though they were always main characters and their relationship with Anne was the main focus and heart of the show in the first place (literally marketed by Disney that way too), in favor of Sasha and Marcy and for what seems like because they just want to ship them all together.

Reminds me of The Ghost and Molly McGee where Molly and Scratch's relationship is the centerpiece of that show but most of fanart and fanfics are just about shipping Molly with the other girl characters.

We might be opening a pretty big nest of worms with this one, Anon, but knowing my current thoughts, I will say that I was curious of the phenomenon regarding Season 3A.

I'd been observing the fandom for a while — and don't get me wrong even if I've been here from the start it's not like my opinion is the most correct in how people feel about the topic — however, I do see four things that are being put into play over Season 3A discourse. And right now, I honestly would like to talk about it.

However, because of the nature of discourse (being that it's stressful and also prone to having people argue if the discussion isn't handled carefully), I will put all my thoughts under a Read More.

To note, though, I am not going to invalidate people with whatever I will say under the Read More, but I am going to dissect why collisions are happening in the fandom in-general. Because in understanding where these concerns are coming from, then we can have a better picture as to why arguments are starting in the first place.

Anyway, let's begin.

[Word Count: 2,100~]

So the issue from what I'm seeing could be from four things: (1) Forgetting that the show is episodic with an overall story, (2) The weekly to binging pacing, (3) The wait for specific answers, and (4) Forgetting that, in some essence, Marcy and Sasha aren’t the main characters of Anne's story.

(1) Episodic - The Comparisons to TOH

Okay, so back in the hiatus before Season 3A, there was a mass migration of The Owl House fans to Amphibia. If one ever navigated Twitter, Tiktok, or the sort you'd see that a lot of fans are also fans of The Owl House, and during the Season 2A hiatus, watching Amphibia helped pass the time.

I also noticed that the way people advertised Amphibia was through different specific viewpoints. The first is that they advertise Amphibia as an epic story show and only an epic story show. Second, they promise that there is a lot of queer subtext in the narrative that is not only implicit but explicit in text. Thirdly, they don't mark the Plantars as the main characters, but rather focus on the trio since they're the most fleshed-out of the bunch.

Now, I will discuss the second to third points later, what I will focus on though is the expectation that Amphibia is fully intended to be serialized and only serialized.

Amphibia isn't a serialized show.

It's a bit of a bonk to the head, but Amphibia really isn't. What you're currently seeing is a show that has similar pacing and sitcom feel to Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, and a bit of The Ghost and Molly McGee:

They will tell their stories as time goes on, but the heart of each is about characterization.

Now, this comes down to the fact that Disney TV is a very episodic-centric kind of broadcasting, and the many shows you see in the wake of Gravity Falls — like Svtfoe, TOH, and Amphibia — will push for that serious storytelling sometime after their season one as a result of trying to get its show off the air.

With The Owl House, Dana was pretty vocal on Disney forcing the episodic storytelling on her with Season One, however, what we currently know with Matt can be seen here.

There are confirmations that despite the episodic storytelling, Matt was pretty much enthralled with telling it through such a medium anyway due to the outlines he had, and also the prior research he had with Gravity Falls and Steven Universe.

So to the ones who had been advertised a serialized story, Seasons 1 and 2A become unappealing. They expected a story that would have the same appeals as what people had told them, but instead got a funky frog show of Anne reevaluating her toxic assumptions with some crucial plot points interspersed within.

And when they skip the seasons they don't prefer, they get frustrated when the built expectation of Season Three being serialized doesn't come to fruition. The episodic pacing is still there, and it's really funny because if you look at the way the episodes are lined up, not only is Season 3A a lot faster than Seasons 1 and 2 on plot progression but faster than Season 2B in full. And Season 2B has been known to be a pretty packed midseason, mind you!

The mix of serialization and episodic has been the medium for most of Amphibia, and one could critique the show, of course (it's not perfect like any other medium out there), but trying to critique a show for not being serialized does have the repercussions of not understanding the intentions of the source material.

It's like asking a serialized show from an episodic show like Cowboy Bebop, rather than the intended serialized show that is right next to it. And if Season 3B does still continue to increase its storytelling heavily, there will continue to be a lot of laughs and jokes to accompany the progression.

In its heart, Amphibia keeps its tone consistent (*looks at Olivia and Yunan* Most of the time) and will continue to do so when we get to the finale.

(2) Weekly Binge - The Contrasting Watch Experiences

Now, Matt Braly's interview talked about how Amphibia wasn't supposed to be binged fully but "enjoyed over time", and that begs the question.

What does Matt Braly mean when he says that?

Well, with a story like Amphibia, I could basically call the show episodic with an overall story. And that story is going to be scattered and progressed throughout the coming episodes that are shown and revealed.

This format has been put into place, and what occurs is that you get a different experience in watching the narrative when you only watch one episode, compared to how it effects the mass storyline if one puts it into retrospect.

So to people wanting plot, Amphibia's plot progression could be excruciating if done in a weekly format.

But to plot-focused people watching Amphibia in a binge format? The plot progression and importance of specific episodes amps up pretty well over time.

The reason why I'm saying this is because I had noticed a difference in views regarding the audience, especially if we divvy the audience into "Has binged the series up to the current episode" and "Went through the weekly episodes and the hiatus", and it's pretty surprising how different the viewpoints are.

To the people who had binged up to Escape to Amphibia, the pacing was on par as Season 2B.

The pacing of different details, characterization, and the wanting to get to specific plot points was the same as Season 2B, and the audience isn't really frustrated much on getting answers compared to the ones who had waited months and weeks to have specific questions revealed.

This also means there's more appreciation to episodes that were once harkened as filler (such as "Wally and Anne", "Hop-Popular", and "Bessie and Microangelo") due to the awaiting of specific plot points being fulfilled and also some payoff being found in the current revealed story.

Now, look at the Season Three line-up, and list the different stories that had been told in these ten episodes.

The plot points are there, some of the payoffs had been shown, and as a person who has watched the episodes weekly and then binged the whole of Season 3A, I honestly felt a lot more satisfaction and amazement at how fast the season was going compared to the former.

It is, as Matt says, a story that becomes more satisfying in a bigger picture.

However, with that said...

(3) Wait For It - The "Oh Man I Want Answers" Phenomenon

Now, the valid complaints I'd seen throughout this debacle comes through with the wanting for answers.

As storytellers, one of the things that is exchanged during storytelling is a series of promises that need to be answered by the end of the story’s conclusion. It’s a two-way street between creator and audience, where the audience needs to do the active work to understand the intention and interpretations of the creation, but the creator needs to make sure to fulfill the expectations that they created.

With episodic shows, this idea could still be applied due to the fact that shows like Amphibia do promise a story and a fulfillment of a story’s premises.

If you get a plot where it talks about trust and community being important and then removes a character from the trust and community — declaring it as the fulfilled conclusion — then either that story is a very pessimistic take about community or basically botched the entire set-up that the creator intended.

Some examples of this could be found with How I Met Your Mother, and Star Vs the Forces of Evil.

So to many watching Season Three, there comes the question of “Where is Marcy?”, “When will we see Sasha?”, and “When will we see the consequences of all the girls leaving?” and those are pretty valid questions to ask and be frustrated that there’s no current answer yet.

I can’t really change people’s minds on being impatient over when a story shall tackle their own questions, especially since it’s all an execution and pacing thing that has to be evaluated, but what I can say is that I’m going to be patient on this front.

Because based on what we know about Amphibia — where they talk about a story becoming more appreciated when the full story becomes fully on display — I can’t critique anything until the story finishes. I want to see how everything connects and twists back to the main story by the end of the day, and it’s understandable to why people would rather not commit to waiting long periods of time when it could’ve been said earlier.

However, as the audience I do trust Matt in telling me that there is more to be seen, and I will change my judgement when all the story pieces are put into place.

With everything else out of the way, let’s begin with a hypothetical situation.

(4) Narrative Focus - The Mishaps in Fandom Focus

Think of all the fandoms you’d been involved with in some way, shape, or form. Before you ever got into it, have you ever been surprised over how the fanon portrays the importance of specific characters, only to be bamboozled when the canon is a lot different?

This can vary. Examples could be found with people’s expectations of Arcane’s episode five sex scene to be raunchy and straight-up porn rather than the reality’s artistic execution, or how with Sherlock, there was a fanon character that got so popular within the fandom that people completely forgot the show’s interpretation of that character even existed.

For Amphibia, not only was there a continuous expectation and emphasis to focus on the idea that the show was serialized, but that the way they handled fanon made it sound like as if the girls were explicitly confirmed to be queer in the text, and the Plantars are kind of just there.

Now, this is the nature of fandoms. After all, the trio is one of the most well-developed out of the show, and to focus on the interesting dynamics of those characters specifically is valid. Like me, I do it all the time.

However, since fandom is one of the main ways to advertise the show through word-of-mouth, that does mean the fanon interpretation is going to be the way people are going to hear about it before they actively interact with the source material itself.

And when a person has this idea that the show is serialized, has Marcy and Sasha as the main characters (despite the fact their interactions/appearances can basically label them as major or deuteragonist characters at best), and harbors explicit text that confirms them to be queer, there will be a dissonance to what the new audience will find when they experience the show on their own.

They are going to be put-off by specific aspects of the show. They are going to be put-off with the fact that Sasha won’t be revealed until a lot later in the story — or that the frogs are the main focus, or that Anne is the main character, that certain ships don’t exist as explicit text — and ultimately have to curate their own thoughts and opinions differing to what the fanon majority says.

That’s a good thing, but it can lead to some frustration, especially within hiatuses, when a built narrative within their mind becomes dashed or not expected within reality.

That’s kind of why you have people ragging on Steven Universe not being a show focused on space opera political intrigue, when in reality Steven Universe’s setting is just a background to the metaphors of identity, love, and discovery that Steven is going through in the main show.

And that’s also why you get shows like Victorious and Miraculous Ladybug being negatively panned, but also with thriving fandoms that basically rewrote everything from the show and turned it into something that they actively like.

Sometimes fandom expectations and fanon clash with canon. This can be a good and/or bad thing based on fandom environment, and it’s just something we have to expect whenever we get invested with a show. Sometimes you want something that the story didn’t give you or hasn’t give you yet, so you create it. Sometimes you want specific AUs or ideas to have been explored rather than what you’ve gotten.

For Amphibia, the show is about Anne’s story as a focus, and the fandom responded by asking questions about other characters. One may critique Anne’s story whatever they want, but that’s how the cookie crumbles.

Sometimes fandoms act like this, you can’t really stop it full-force, and to Amphibia the only thing I can advise is finding the people in your groups that seem to understand that same thing. You can argue and discuss the validity of specific plot points, executions, and the disappointments/successes the story currently, but overall, the story is still going to continue until it is finished.

And different thoughts/opinions will be curated as time goes on.

[jackalspine]

I posted 1,320 times in 2021

346 posts created (26%)

974 posts reblogged (74%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.8 posts.

I added 896 tags in 2021

#danny phantom - 268 posts

#jackal shenanigans - 127 posts

#skeh - 125 posts

#dp - 81 posts

#danny phantom au - 74 posts

#to draw later - 62 posts

#bnha - 49 posts

#danny fenton - 39 posts

#danny phantom crossover - 36 posts

#midoriya izuku - 35 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#airing out the attic that hasn’t felt fresh air since grandma locked her old lover in an ornate trunk and stuffed it in the back of storage

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

ANOTHER ONE ::)

I've been thinky about the stretchy portal,, and headcanon a reason why it stretch,, ok so in Amity Park, the ambiant ectoplasm resulted from a stable portal in the area, softens the plane between the Ghost Zone and Amity, so it's way easier to make portals there, and it's a little goopy... When making portal in places that don't have an everflowing source of ectoplasm, it's a lot more difficult bc there's no energy to keep a rift between dimensions open, the portals naturally want to close themselves.. thus... Stretchy..

Again, thank u @the-stove-is-on-fire for the minor details in ur lovely art that pervades my Conscious Mind!

2070 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 09:59:57 GMT

#4

Au where Danny flees to Europe after identity reveal gone wrong and finds himself in Paris France at the height of Akuma Activity and being the massive ball of angst he is Hawkmoth instantly zeros in on him.

He spends like 20m listening to some French guy in his brain ramble menacingly, not comprehending an ounce of it.

And like, it’s not like it’s doing anything.. so he kinda just?? Keeps walking around like hm. Free white noise ig,,

People notice the telltale sign of an akuma, but watch on as … nothing happens.

The French guy in his brain sounds a little upset now which is kind of a bummer, but whatever.

Local heros Ladybug and Chatnoir watch on as this guy just. Sits down at a fountain. Doing nothing. Wearing them butterfly walkie talkie glasses… nothing.

It’s almost 27 minutes before he opens his mouth and everyone realizes he’s foreign atfsajkbkk

3073 notes • Posted 2021-11-04 09:19:50 GMT

#3

Sorry if my thoughts are not entirely coherent in this thing hh lmao

Hoho, so you’ve decided to engage in the wonderful world(s) of Danny Phantom crossovers! Wonderful! Many options are presented to you, they as as follows:

Will your crossover be taken place in an extension of the cannon universe or will you be yeeting the boy through space and reality to force them juicy cross content interactions??

Hm?? And how far are you willing to go?

There are cannon options for inter-dimensional hopping. But the phandom is not unfamiliar with choosing Violence.

Oh dear! Bitch Fartman has left us with quite the dirt to work with! Ah the things we can mold. Has his mother decided to dissect her son? Has the shady government agency gotten their unethical latex finggies on our boy?? Or have we straight up KILLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY????

Really, the show gives so many alternative reasons for Danny to potentially like, be somewhere else,, they have an abundance of canonical and fannon portal content to fuck around with??? Y’all are like, nah, no loose ends *clicks third safety off glock*

Also?? Connecting Danny to another universe by just being like,, “yeah, actually, ur adopted” fucking HILARIOUS better yet, starting off with him actively knOwing the other character??? Gold. Gold, I love you. Like, “lmao this is my cousin, he sure has some Wacky stories of his own huh?” “Weird how we’re both absolutely JAcked with plot juice huh?” “Lmao, wild”

3400 notes • Posted 2021-07-04 10:54:14 GMT

#2

During Danny’s fuck around n find out phase of having powers he finds out that turning intangible negating air resistance makes him.. real fast.. which really should’ve been a given but physics was an 11th grade subject, sue him.

He tests out how far he could travel in an hour. The answer is: Fucking Far

So as the years go on, and his powers get stronger- the boy is far too comfortable with traveling long distances for trivial things.

Idk I was thinking abt crossovers again and I just?? Wouldn’t it b funny if a bunch of ppl around the world knew phantom personally, and thought he was a local hero of their own place?? But really he’s just good at wandering?? Like a stray cat everyone on the block is convinced favors them, but actually belongs to someone and returns home regularly.

Like, probably no portal shenanigans, just purely Danny zooming around, buying obscure local snacks, saying hi to friends from Everywhere.

3654 notes • Posted 2021-07-26 12:39:10 GMT

#1

Oh yeah danny phantom is cold blooded.. u know…

ectothermic.

bc he’s half human he still likes the feeling of warmth even if the cold never bothered him anyway or whatever

So

Uh

Yeah Danny Fenton frequently seen lying directly on the concrete side walk after school to warm up.

Nappin in a sun beam hell hyeah

6244 notes • Posted 2021-11-04 23:37:24 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

what's up, tumblypoos? it's going to be a pretty short one this month, because I have NOT finished a lot of books since last time. the semester has started and made work hectic and exhausting, so much so that when I took a week off and hoped to spend most of it devouring books I ended up spending more time just vegetating to repair my brain.

also, unfortunately, I ran into my first DNF (that's Did Not Finish, for people who don't keep up with profoundly annoying book blogger terminology) in a LONG time, which I will absolutely be detailing below.

what have I been reading?

Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov) - I've always been vaguely curious, but then I listened to Jamie Loftus' brilliant Lolita Podcast and curiosity became somewhat urgent. (I'm relistening to it now, for the record, and I'm looking forward to being able to appreciate Loftus' empathetic analysis in a brand new way now that I've actually read the book she devotes ten episodes to talking about.) you all know I love a sharp, well-written profile of a monster; I had a great fondness for Alissa Nutting's Tampa, a book that follows a 21st century female pedophile that, in hindsight, takes place in vigorous conversation and has many clear parallels with Lolita. I'm also a huge sucker for a book about a truly miserable son of a gun pontificating on their own wretched time, and my god does Humbert Humbert pontificate. he's an excellently unreliable narrator, a heinous monster on trial doing his damndest to downplay his own violence. he wanders back and forth between talking himself up as improbably handsome and charismatic and insisting that he's quite harmless, basically innocent, totally a guy that we should just let go. and did he mention that he definitely didn't kill Dolores' mom? he definitely didn't, he just happened to think about killing her pretty often and in extreme detail and then coincidentally she died at a time that was terribly convenient for him. who hasn't been there? it's a funny story, not in a comedic way but in a painfully dry and brittle way, a deluded man viewing life through a nauseating lens that the reader can see through in an instant, all the way to the melancholy end. I absolutely understand anyone who says it isn't their cup of tea, but I'd highly recommend at least giving Loftus' podcast a listen if you're interested and able.

Women, Race, and Class (Angela Y. Davis) - this one also comes with a recommendation, and it's much shorter than the Lolita Podcast. I'd been meaning to get around to reading this for something like a year, ever since reading Davis' autobiography, but of all things it was a brief reference to Women, Race, and Class in Lily Alexandre's video "Do "Binary Trans Women" Even Exist? The Politics of Gender Conformity" that finally prompted me to nab it at the library. sometimes the universe just sends a sign, you know? it's a concise but thorough history, a tour through American slavery, suffragettes, social stratification, and socialism, presented in the no-nonsense style of Davis' that I appreciate so much. (seriously, if you want to start doing more antiracist and/or abolitionist reading but are intimidate by terminology - Davis. read Davis.) I particularly appreciated the dissection of certain white suffragette leaders turning their backs on antislavery and suffrage for Black Americans, fueled not only by racism but also by the perpetual pressure upon activists to turn upon each other and squeeze out causes that are seen as too radical to be convenient. it's illustrative, and unfortunately still supremely relevant. I wish this was the kind of thing I was reading when I was learning baby's first feminism.

what did I give up on?

Star Eater (Kerstin Hall) - beloved readers, I was excited for this one; you may recall that it was the last of the books on my Hot Book Summer list. it sounded like an incredibly promising dark fantasy about corrupt power structures and cannibalism. in short: the story takes place in a city floating above a world filled with undying monsters called Haunts, ruled over by the Sisters - an order of all-women magic-users whose powers are passed hereditarily from mother to daughter. but there are a few catches: the Sisters have a limited supply of magic, which is best replenished by eating the flesh of other Sisters. further, they must create more Sisters to maintain their power, but any man who has sex with a Sister is doomed to become Haunts who hunger for Sisters' flesh. so how do they solve these problems? easy: the Sisters reproduce through the ritualistic sexual assault of men who have received the death sentence, and maintain their magic by "martyring" their own mothers, essentially placing them in a coma to be consumed slowly. readers, none of this is what turned me off of this book. if anything, it all made me very excited. how absolutely despicably bleak! what an awful world! what a clever depiction of power, and the way it turns bodies into commodities to be devoured and thrown away! I was so excited to see how our hero, Elfreda Raugh, would take it down. and then... oof. and then, dear reader, Star Eater ended up feeling like a book that was written by going down a checklist of fantasy/dystopia YA tropes with a little rape and cannibalism thrown in for flavor. no spoilers (okay, maybe minor spoilers) but the most egregious points for me were the boring boy who was a childhood friend turned love interest, and Our Hero turning out to have extra special BONUS superpowers that made her, essentially, a living MacGuffin. I hope this book is someone's cup of tea, readers, but I cannot say it was mine.

what I'm reading now?

Midnight Sun (Stephenie Meyer) - you all knew this was coming. it's SO FUN and absolutely unhinged, and exactly what I needed to get out of my Star Eater-induced slump.

Perfect Me: Beauty as an Ethical Ideal (Heather Widdows) - this one is a bit of a tough read, because it's heavily rooted in philosophy and that's not the kind of reading I'm accustomed to, but it's eye-opening nonetheless. incidentally, also the result of a YouTube videos; link will be included in my next reading update.

what do I have on hold at the library?

The Other Black Girl (Zakiya Delila Harris)

Rewriting the Rules: An Anti Self-Help Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships (Meg-John Barker)

Iron Widow (Xiran Jay Zhao)

[bookwyrminspiration]

Solidarity of the sponges! I... Read a lot less than my mother. Like a lot. As in, it takes a lot for a book to interest me, but once it does I usually can't stop reading it, but that is few and far between. It's been about... A month(?) since I last read a book? I used to be a reading machine, but now I can only read about 8k words in fanfiction 😔

Ooo, 3D models are so fun! I enjoy painting them, even if they get really annoying. I've got two dnd ones and they've got WINGS! I love wings. (You get an A for effort with the storm troopers, I've watched all the og 6 but only because me and my friend went on a movie binge and the star wars movies were on the list)

And thank you!! I must've missed the bird+dragon ask, I remember sending it but not reading it. You don't have to make a new post about monsters if you don't want to! I don't have anything in mind, really, just soemthing monstrous

Oh I love that. I love that you are on a dnd podcast. And thank you!! I hope you are doing well as well!!! I have just finished a term of school and I now have 2 weeks of holidays!! Huzzah!!

-Heathen

Heathen! Hello!! We can be sponges together and just absorb things in tandem. Every person contains a mass of knowledge about random things and sometimes we get it from our parents and sometimes we get it from ourselves

just this morning we had a substitute in physics and he was just like "oh sick I've got so much nerdery about all of this" and started talking about the visible light spectrum and the original color of the universe. and then. he started messing with the teacher's spectrum tube power supply(this thing) because she has elements he doesn't and he wanted to see them. but some of them don't quite fit so he started using wires to do funky science things and there were legit wires sticking out of it like antenna. and he's doing all of this just for fun while we're silently working on our reports and he just goes "this might catch on fire." and then a few minutes later it did. just casually. and the whole time he was like "yeah I'm a nerd about this" i was just thinking "he doesn't know...he doesn't know how much I know about the history of human dissection..." that's off topic but I thought it was fun and wanted to share

also fair with the book thing! I'm like that but with movies and shows, like I just do not watch them unless I really get invested and then I binge it all at once. last time it happened was december when I binged all of Arcane the day before my mom, sister, and I left to drive across the country for two days to visit my grandma. I do read a fair number of books when I have the time, but I think I understand what you mean

I know very little about 3D models, but they've always seemed like fun! but also difficult because everything is so finicky and small. probably something you get better at with practice, but I have never practiced. i do have a small sculpture I painted at a local place a few years ago! it's a fairy sitting on a crescent moon :). I also made a clay frog a few months ago!! i still have him, he just sits on my bookshelf being a frog. he is very small (hell yes I love getting A's. this is success)

also you're welcome! I figured you might not have seen it which is why I linked it, just in case. and I wouldn't mind making more posts about monsters!! it's more like I am requesting just slightly more context/direction so that the things I say will be helpful. monsters are very gender and I love them a lot, so I'd love to help!

yep! I was on that one episode, and still haven't actually listened to it. my dad has, as the podcast person in my family. I find it very hard to listen to podcasts and audiobooks, which sucks. my partner is involved with multiple podcasts and I haven't listened to them because brain doesn't like podcasts. But!! Into the Hollow just released it's first episode so I'm trying to listen to that (I listened to all the interviews before it but not the actual episode yet)

I am doing fairly alright!! a little jealous of your break (/lh), because I don't have one, but also I haven't had a break longer than 3 weeks since I was 13 so I'm used to it. I have finished my college courses for this semester and just need to wrap up 2 high school, but also I have 2 very face paced college courses starting on monday before my high school classes are over.

i hope you are doing alright!! it's very nice to hear from you <3

[dolliedarlin]

hi! it’s me!

im sorry for disappearing on you! it has been a VERY busy last month and a half.

even though i was on christmas break starting december 10, i was working almost every day. and then i went on vacation and got sick (i think it was the flu) and then when i recovered i went back to work, and then a week later, i was back at school.

since school started i’ve been completely swallowed in homework, and i haven’t really had the chance to do anything. when i have free time, it’s mostly spent working, reading, or doing homework so im glad i finally got a chance to write you!

are you back in school as well and if so, how it it going? i hope it’s going well! what have you been up to? how has your writing been coming along?

i hope you’ve been staying happy and healthy, and i’ve been thinking good thoughts your way <3

lots of love,

liv <3

my love! it's so good to hear from you again! it's been so long!

don't worry, my love, i've been out of it too, especially with the multiple holidays and exams being merged for the past 2 months or so! i completely understand where you're coming from, i hope you try to take it easy though, remember to partake in selfceare as often as you can, even when it comes to the littlest things!

yes, i'm back in school and already have a portfolio and essay that needs doing, as is university life XD i also have an additional module which i was quite apprehensive about. it's called visualising anatomy through imaging and it sounds like a bore but after looking through the module info, i'm super excited! the only down side is that it adds additional work atop my current modules of vet and human anatomy and dissection - i feel like i'm drowning in work and i've barely started the new semester and right after exams too! the society i'm a committee member of is also kickstarting the new semester with all these social events so i'm also pretty busy with helping plan those and creating social media posts for them too! it's a little exhausting but i can make it, i'm sure!

recently, i've put this new way of writing into play, just to see how it's received and, so far, it's coming along pretty well! it's called 'timestamps' and it's where i daydream up random scenarios at random times, note the timing i get it and begin writing my idea down immediately. i post it without proofreading or editing so it's completely raw but people don't seem to mind it and it makes me happy when an idea is well received -^7^-

oh! and i've also started writing for tokyo revengers and eventually haikyuu, though i'll be keeping it to timestamps for now seeing as i have so much work to do TT^TT

you're so cute and precious! omg! i wanna cuddle you and keep a mini version of you in my pocket so i can take you everywhere and it'll just be good vibes all around!

how are you, though, darling? aside from your hectic timetable, i hope you're taking care of yourself, are staying hydrated, eating well and sleeping enough hours! i also am and will continue telepathically sending you all of the good vibes!

all my love x

[pengpongpooh]

Since I'm already in the road of personal life, let me talk something personal.

I always wondered what loving yourself meant. You see, I think my real self is broken or lost or just hidden deep deep down. When I started attending university, my world grew bigger and I met different people of varying ages and differing perspectives. In those moments, I asked who is the real me? Do I love myself? What is loving myself meant?... When I looked back on my journey, I realized I've been changing into a person I never intend to become. The changes and decisions Ive made led into the present me. But that present me is something I don't like. I was looking for something that was gone. And in this journey I'm in, my decisions were always based on what's the best for that situation even if it was against my morals and principles. By not following those values I hold, I'm slowly starting to loose the "Me". The me that is present is someone who responds when the situation demands. In short, empty. I laugh when there's something funny, I cry when something is sad but when I'm alone, I'm trying to keep myself busy by doing temporary unhealthy distractions. I have thoughts like "I want to achieve this... i need to do this... " but the urge isn't there. Therefore I remain stagnant. Because my thoughts of positivity back when I was still a child and an adolescent had become pessimistic when I became an adult.

But I realized that I kept blaming my past, kept blaming myself and just plainly cannot forgive and accept my current self. Because I reject my existence, I reject everything else.

I slowly wanted to forgive myself, to heal my broken soul, to rediscover my faith and to love my life.

However, whenever I take 1 step forward, I'm always knocked 3 steps back. The people around me never help me move forward, instead they knock me backwards. I'm in a state of nothing. I'm already very exhausted of fighting but no one still lends a helping hand.

Ever since I was a child, I was adored. I was a smart kid, ahead of my class, friendly. But reality slapped me when I realized not all people were nice. I was bullied, subjected to false rumors, punched, insulted, betrayed... I'm smart, so I get things easily. I slowly started ro change, to adapt, hiding my true self. My family was happy of me because I was adored, I was admired by a lot of people and I was smart. I was strong and I was mature for my age. I knew how to handle myself in difficult situations and I'm responsible. I'm logical and practical. When someone hurts me, I shrugged it off. I was always known as someone strong. I was strong because that was the only choice given to me. When I'm weak or when I loose, I was criticized, battered down and plainly told to change. When I want to be weak, they don't acceot it because I was strong. When I refuse, I'm dissected.

No one ever told me "its okay to be wrong... Its okay to be weak... I accept you.. I'm sorry for hurting you...i love you for who you are.... You're already enough... ". No one ever told me that its was okay to not be good at something. No one told me they love my imperfections. I'm always told to change, to be better at everything.

Whenever I reveal this to people close to me, no one ever tell me the words that would heal me. Its always, "you should've told me... Im sorry I cant understand... Its okay... Everything will be fine... ".

People still demands a lot of things from me. To change, to be understanding, to be reliable, to be more responsible, to succeed, to be sensitive... I'm always always dissected and boiled. I don't know how much more I can take before I snap and just disappear.

Sorry for the negativity. Whenever people I know bring up my past transgressions towards them, it also revives my past pains and inner war, leading to this very dark water.

I hope though, to whoever is reading this, that you won't forget to appreciate yourself. I might not yet know or learn to love myself, but I hope you would yours.

[dolliedarlin]

hi!! how have you been?? how’s school?? i hope you’ve had a good weekend!!

im sorry it’s been so long since you’ve last heard from me! life has been very busy lately and i’m just now able to sit down and give you a life update lol.

i’ve spent the last week working every day and in my free time, i have been doing homework and procrastinating 😅 but i’ve been getting things done and being productive (even on slow days lol) so i keep telling myself to just keep doing my best and it’ll all work out!

i have started my book! i have read about 2 chapters of it as i’ve been unable to actually sit down and read at all this week and when i’ve had a chance i’ve been so tired i haven’t wanted to. hbu? have you had the chance to read any books lately?

my girls weekend went pretty well, on the downside however, we did hit a deer and it completely busted up my friends’ windshield so we had to find a ride back fo where we were staying and then a ride back home 😅 on the brighter side, her windshield should be fixed by next week, and we watched movies and ate ice cream lol. i also got to see the person that i still have feelings for, as they helped give us a tour around our friends college campus and they even picked her up from where we were staying to bring her back to school :)

overall i’ve been doing alright, i’m just very tired and busy lol, but i can’t wait to hear back from you!! :))

hello, my love! it's so great hearing from you! and don't worry about any sort of lateness, i can understand from all the times we've chatted that you're a busy bee that works hard and always does her best - i don't even register the time that's past since i'm just as busy on my own

university is hectic as usual, as soon as i find room to breathe, i have another deadline set, it's kinda funny but also pretty exhausting. i have a dissection guide due this thursday, wish me luck on completing it on time. but i'm looking forward to going home for this coming weekend as it's my dad's birthday ^7^ - he won't tell me how old he's turning...typical XD

but i've had a pretty good weekend as i went to another city for some Jollibee! it was so yummy! it felt great tasting my childhood again after such a long time. i just had a lot of committee work to do because of all the social events happening in my society and we don't really have an assigned event coordinator so liaising all the event details for an social media post are pretty hectic.

goodness, when i say you're a busy bee, you're truly a busy bee! make sure you continue taking care of yourself and your wellbeing, both, mental and physical alright, dollface?

i hope more time comes to you so you can really indulge in those beautiful pages! currently, i've been reading the 7 habits of highly effective people - it's really interesting but, just like you, i've found it hard to find enough time to really sit down and read it lately.

oh my gosh! what an experience, are you and your friends alright? how's the deer? at least you got to watch movies and eat ice cream, that's a vibe that i would regularly enjoy if i had the leisure time to XD and that's sweet, the person you like sounds like such a wonderful person, almost as wonderful as you - but you can never be beat in my eyes ;3

haha! we're too similar, us two, i'm much the same as you, busy and tired, sometimes losing sleep but prioritising hydration as it's getting colder out now that it's winter. oh! semi-good news, i was supposed to do work yesterday but i ended up just playing pokemon sword XD lol i felt like i needed it though - that burn out feeling weighs a little less on my shoulders ; i highly recommend taking time to do something you enjoy doing in between all that busy-ness makes everything less hard to get through <3

can't wait to hear from you soon!

all my love x