#I've think abt them at least once a year this is not normal...

[ariinurl]

Happy birthday to em ‼️‼️‼️

[yuri-is-online]

Hey, remember the soulmate au by tiyoin(?) I recently read your post abt idia and Leona reacting to yuu being their mates, but I wanna take it a step further since I saw idias line abt the family curse (this has yandere implications so if it's not your cup of tea please feel free to just ignore, nothing is outright mentioned tho)

What if yuu has a family curse similar to the aishi family in yandere simulator? (It's been years since I touched the game so if the lore changed I'm basing it off of 2018 ish lore, just with my own twist) basically yes, yuu CAN feel emotions, they're just muted and barely there. Given the right conditions (like falling in love or spending time with friends) and/or antidepressants they'll basically be like any other person, without them it's like a less severe version of the aishi women pre-falling in love

So, afab ppl born in yuus family, once falling in love, start losing their sanities and adopt yandere like behavior (stalking, increasing rage and jealousy, willingness to murder, etc) unfortunately this means they usually die young (20s or 30s) how quickly/young they die is based on their willpower (resisting the urges) and when/if they fall in love (so someone falling in love for the first time in their 40s and having insane willpower, caving in 20 years later in their 60s has more luck than a 16 year old falling in love and caving in almost immediately). Unfortunately everyone is a carrier, men carry the gene and can pass it to their daughters, but it only presents in the women/afab ppl, so transfems won't be affected but transmascs will.

What if yuu fell in love already (in their own world) and has just been doing a really REALLY good job at Resisting The Urges™️. Like, sometimes they slip up and cave in to anger or get ridiculously jealous, but they try their hardest to tamp down the feelings. Yuu has sworn off falling in love (again) and has given up their dream of having a big family bc of the curse, they're even distancing themselves from their object of affection in an attempt to "be normal again" at the cost of their own sanity.

So yuu gets transported to twst, and without their darling, they have the chance to be normal again, assuming they can get past the initial panic frenzy. Then the soul bond is revealed and they just go "nope. Not this shit again" and spouts cryptic messages about a family curse and swearing off love. I'm pretty sure most of the boys would feel a bit hurt by that lmao

This is mostly made for idia since his segment is what sparked the idea in the first place, but which characters from most to least likely do you think would try to pursue mc and figure out the truth to leave them alone and try to move on? I personally can't see someone like kalim giving up on both but I think the octatrio would try to look for the truth but be 50/50 on pursuing yuu or dropping them like a hot potato. Idia I think would try to relate to yuu and try to pursue them, but I think he'd probably be a bit put off once yuu starts dropping hints about the curse (he's a weeb so it won't take long for him and maybe Ortho to put 2+2 together and figure out the curse)

tiyon's soulmate au can be found here, their first post inspired some asks, which led to my own soulbound au the rules of which can be found here. Please support tiyon and interact with their soulmate au! They're a very creative blog and deserve the attention~ give them some reblogs!

so. uh. I got this ask when I first woke up and 1) very happy to hear from you Rose, always lovely to get a new ask and 2) yandere? sim? has lore? I did not think people actually played the game? help. i've fallen and misplaced my life alert. As a rule I don't really write for a Yuu who is just x character from y game/anime (it is in my rules) so while I was at work realizing I might be old I was trying to think of a way to do this that wasn't just yan sim (I wanted something properly gn) and I think I've got something? I am currently beating away the desire to info dump on you about the myth of Sigurd and Brunhilde (i could scream about that for hours oh god oh please i have written an actual au for that but efkjbekjrgbjrthnytrh) So here is the basic idea:

Yuu ran afoul of a witch in their world and was appropriately cursed. Given the myth I was inspired by I don't think Yuu did anything bad, but they still made the witch mad so they got cursed to lose all reason should they ever fall in love.

"You will be thine own destruction!" Cackles the witch and Yuu, who is actually normal unlike trey this person takes a deep breath and resigns themselves to researching a way to minimize the effects and maybe break it? They don't know they thought magic was fake until they thought they were just doing a favor for someone but turns out they pissed off Baba fucking Yaga.

They start to isolate themselves since they notice the curse starting to eat at them when they are around anyone the love; they consider going back to the witch and asking for further clarification but they can't seem to find them anywhere so they take some deep breaths and do their best to just be normal.

When they end up in Twisted Wonderland, and start feeling... weird. And it only gets worse when Crowley speculates that they might have been brought to Twisted Wonderland because they posses a soulbond.

And Yuu immediately freaks out because they don't want to kill anyone.

Now as for your question for who would try to pursue Yuu vs just leave them... well I don't really like writing un reciprocated feelings so I hesitate to say any of the cast would drop Yuu. In my au it isn't possible for soulbonds to not be reciprocated, and they are already sort of seen as a curse by mages so this... complication might not be normal but it isn't unexpected if that makes sense. Which would probably make Yuu swearing off love hurt even worse.

Kalim wouldn't want to abandon Yuu. Not ever, no matter how much of a danger they could be to him. Hell, he's willing to forgive people who are trying to poison him on the off chance they might regret it. But he is the heir of House Al-Asim, and I could see his dad paying someone to take Yuu out to keep his son safe. Something Jamil sees coming from a mile away and has to just keep quiet about. Something I can see Jamil feeling bad about, he might not like Kalim but you didn't ask for anything that happened to you. And yet the Asim's took your life from you anyway.

Have to disagree about the octatrio just a bit. Floyd would be into this. And so would Jade. But especially Floyd, oh hee hee ha ha his soul mate wants to kill him? Say less he is on his way to get his ass eat beat with an engagement ring in hand. Both he and Jade would be a little disappointed when the curse is broken and you aren't actively trying to kill him anymore... maybe you could try and poison him huh? Like old times?

I wrote 20 paper pages of soulbond au stuff for Azul so I will try to be brief here but... I don't think this situation would be one that made him try to break the bond. He has... complicated feelings about soulbonds already. If anything I could see him thinking he deserves this.

Now Idia. He's complicated. Pre-overblot he has given up on the concept of breaking his own curse, and I could see him feeling the same way about yours. Ortho on the other hand... even before he gets his soul he wants to help. After the overblot I can see Idia pursuing Yuu determined to find the truth and save them. Not that he wouldn't interact with them before that, he's a bit nihilistic so I can see him just making a bunch of jokes about the situation or promising to let Yuu kill him "after this next round." Or just straight up asking them to when he has to hit pity in one of his gachas. It's just cringe enough that it snaps Yuu out of the curse fog for long enough for the two of them to be normal around each other. And by normal I mean incredibly awkward

Anyway that's all I've got. Thank you for the ask ♡

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[hanarchy]

Hi, I just wanted to see if you would elaborate on why you think Chans parents are kinda weird? I cant lie, I've thought this too... Sooo many times... so I wanna hear your thoughts if possible! <3

hmm it’s not so much me that said it, the anon was the one to call them weird but i didn’t disagree. personally i dont find his parents that weird per se (or well. not weirder than all our parents like lets be real there is not a normal parent alive in the world) but i do find his relationship to them a little weird for his age.

huge disclaimer here that there may be cultural context and experiences i am just flat out missing because i am not korean and dont know what its like to be a second generation immigrant or east asian or both.

and secondly he talks about his parents VERY LITTLE so what i am basing this on is LESS than crumbs, like this is the equivalent to me making up a song after hearing 1 note of it.

but what strikes me as odd abt chan’s relationship to his parents is what i mentioned in the original post too, he still kind of speaks about them like a shining beacon that he has to live up to.

especially when he talks about his dad and how athletic and strong and amazing he is it seems like he is comparing himself to him. and chan being smaller and less muscular and generally seeing himself as less ‘manly’ seems to be a source of some unhappiness in his self image.

and i think seeing your parents as superheroes and wanting to be like them when you grow up is super normal at a certain age but chan is already grown up.

and i know from many many many different experiences especially with young men, that it may still be common to want to be like your parents in your 20s but it’s bound to lead to a lot of pain and anger. like you have to realise eventually that you are your own person and have to have your own standards and chan seems as of yet unaware of this necessity so he has that development still ahead of him and i think the older you are when this happens, the more it has the potential to really derail your life.

like you gotta realize your parents are human and the earlier you do it, the better for you!

because the problem isnt so much wanting to be like someone you love but rather that putting them on a pedestal like that keeps you from seeing your own relationship with them clearly. like it keeps you from realizing the damage they did to your psyche (and yes, even the best parents damage you in some ways, this is in the nature of being a flawed human raising a child that relies on you to survive) and it also just severely restricts your imagination of who you could be and how you could express yourself.

and i think chan’s parents were quite young when they had him and then waited quite a bit to have more kids, which always leads to a weird dynamic where the eldest child takes on a parental role.

i think thats also kind of the main weirdness i notice… like chans parents seem to like. encourage the competition he has with his dad and sort of act more like his peers than his parents sometimes. at least that would explain to me how they would allow a 13 year old to live in a different continent by himself. they just saw him as grown up very early on.

would also explain a lot about how he tries to recapture his childhood with skz, the way his room at home is only swim trophies and nothing else (or like if it got cleaned out in the meantime its kind of telling that of all his childhood things the only thing he kept are the swim trophies??? idk maybe its just the only thing he chose to share with us)

but yeah like i think he himself does also realise a weirdness to some extent like he goes home so incredibly rarely, once every 2 or 3 years is so little, even felix (who has the same or a busier fixed appearance schedule) makes it to Australia more often.

so in conclusion he was parentified too early and that left him at that stage of development so he has a hard time letting go if his idealized image of his parents but at the same time thinks he has to be like them. but yeah i do think he realizes theres sth he doesnt like about it and keeps a bit of distance on purpose. we all develop differently, sometimes the best way to deal with your parents is to put some distance between you and them.

[alluralater]

hi there! so sorry to hear that you're sick :(( I hope you feel better soon!

I also wanted to ask your advice, as an experienced gay? I'm 21 and queer and I'm in a great relationship with someone I really love. we've been together over a year and they're the best. at the same time, lately, I kinda developed a crush on my friend/roommate. she's great and we get along super well, and I've had this raging crush on her for a few months now. normally I wouldn't really worry abt it because I have no desire to leave my current partner or initiate anything with my friend. but lately it seems my friend might also have feelings for me too? and we see each other pretty much everyday since we live together, so it's kinda becoming this big unspoken thing, at least for me. I'm curious if you think I should bring it up to my friend so we can clear the air and move past it (and I'll prob stop overthinking abt it), or if I shouldn't bring it up and just get over it? I'm not gonna do anything with her, I just wanna know if I should rip the bandaid off and talk about it or not. thanks in advance! love your blog :)

hi! alright so you are in a bit of a sticky situation. let's dissect this. i have multiple questions for you so might need you to drop another ask at some point to fill in some blanks <3

my questions for you: is your relationship strictly monogamous? from the way everything is phrased i'm assuming it most likely is but i wouldn't really know. next question, how comfortable are you with very very honest conversations? if you open this box with your roommate, just know that you might not be able to close it again. learning that someone you're attracted to whether emotionally or physically has those same feelings for you is sort of like a pandora's box situation. once that knowledge has come out, there isn't really a way to rid yourself of it or put any of it back, because in this case the feelings for you are not just physical.

that being said, there are three ways this can go. 1. you start the conversation with her and she says she also has feelings for you, be they physical, emotional, or both. you then confirm your own feelings and she's maybe wondering what will or won't happen. if she knows you're happily in a relationship, she probably doesn't bring it up out of respect for that or she may not want to complicate things since you live together. either way you'll have to guide that conversation and be prepared to drop the facts that you aren't looking for anything else but want to be open and honest. you have to hope she can take that with grace and it doesn't become a problem. 2. you say nothing, things build to a fever pitch over time and something happens between you, lots of drama may follow or none at all, definitely issues in your relationship. the other side of this is that you say nothing, you both silently think about having sex with each other from like ten feet away at night and then slowly over time the novelty of wanting someone you can't have wears off. but then maybe it doesn't, and we're back at the first part of 2 again. there is both power and weakness in the 'do nothing' strategy because you have to allow for a certain lack of control, which might be hard for an over-thinker. 3. you talk about it and it goes super well! you both feel confident that having mutual attraction/feelings for each other won't be any kind of strain on your living situation or friendship and you carry on as normal, even building a healthier relationship through this type of honesty.

there is a secret fourth option. and that option is a threesome/you hooking up with the roommate (sorry i have to drop this one because it's such a mood and honestly, if i found out my partner was attracted to their roommate and vice versa, i would tell them to go fuck that person after lots of communication and reassurance that their living situation wouldn't be affected <3 i'm always the partner that does a little smirk and is like "so what did you do about it??" bc i'm a whore. i live and die for the satisfaction of my partners' appetites.

my advice to you is to think long and hard about if you want to open that box. sometimes we think we're clearing the air but really all we're doing is making something known and therefore even more seen in that very same air. i believe in you to do whatever feels right for you. drop another ask if you want and we'll brainstorm this together some more <3

[stuffyflowers]

Started playing PS Outertale a few hours ago and I have, thoughts.

For the most part, geno has been a chill time. There are some tweaks I really appreciate, like the grinding being so quick and skipping dialog by holding C. Asriel was a little jarring at first, really did not like the way he talked down to Papyrus (and that bit where he's pretending Sans is still there? eugh), but once we were past not-Snowdin I really started to appreciate him. His relationship with Frisk/Chara/The Player/Whatever is really intriguing, especially how Frisk or whoever genuinely seems to reciprocate his feelings. Love the Best Friends Setting The World On Fire vibe we got going on.

I did kind of feel like the game was just, really easy? I beat Undyne the Undying without dying, and that's without knowing what the new spear attacks did. But a lot of her normal attack were just like, easier versions of her original attacks? I did like the extra attacking mechanic and how it was still loosely DDR esc like green soul mode.

Beat Mettaton on my second try. Orange soul mode was neat. A little weird to get used to but it didn't offend. Defiantly a little harder that Undyne but not a huge step up.

Alphys... I REALLY do not like this fight. As of writing this I have not beaten it and I don't thing I will. There are a just, lot of little things that just drag the whole thing down for me. For one, Screen Shake. Lasers shake the screen, the expanding rings shake the screen, hell, even the damn MUSIC shakes the screen! I can't see where I am or what I'm supposed to be dodging! Second, the obnoxious spinning background. It's distracting and bugs the hell out of me. Third, the music. It's very meh imo, gets grating after a bit and just sounds like noise now. So far my biggest issue is that her attacks are 1000 years long. Each one feels like three for four attacks in one. Sometimes I'd get most of the way through an attack and just, get fatigued and take my hands off the keyboard cause I'm so overwhelmed.

I've never felt like this before. I don't usually mind a challenge, I actually like throwing myself at a problem until I break through. I loved beating UTY geno without using any equipment (Only Rubber Bullets, the Patch and the Toy Gun. Honestly if you're looking to play UTY geno again but harder I highly recommend), and that was a grind that took weeks. But this? I have absolutely no desire to return to this. I can't honestly say the fight is even good or bad cause I just can't get into it. This is the worst time I've ever had fighting an UT boss, and I don't think that was the intention.

I don't know where I was going with this. I just had a lot of thoughts and felt the need to share them.

Fun fact u can hold alt+press left twice to open the debug menu and get temmie armour infinite hp etc etc would highly recommend using whenever a fight annoys u lol im not grinding for this game. I agree w ur alphys boss complaint so much, I almost got my ass beat WHILE using th temmie armour, the patience soul mode is just not made for a boss fight of that scale I don’t think, especially not one where it piles on what feels like 20 attacks in one turn. It’s so sad bc I was genuinely pretty hyped to see final boss alphys, seeing herself as the one to blame for everyone’s deaths in this route coulda made up for the nothingburger she was given in pacifist but it was just. Eh.

Also asriel is just very funny to me. This au really only cares abt asriel and twinkly seems to exist just to fill floweys slot which is smth I don’t care for, but I at least appreciate they let him be an edgy little shit rather than playing into the idea that having a soul would magically fix flowey/twinkly and make him a normal kid again. I like that frisk is kind of just fucking around ig, it makes a funny contrast against asriel. I wish the route used the frisk/asriel/mk trio more also. Idontknow I still haven’t fully figured out how I feel about this route it’s so weird. I did enjoy it more on average than lv0 pacifist tho so that’s. Something?

[cheemken]

Another thing about Drayton that I've latched onto is his line about how 'you don't want to see me ugly cry' when you battle him. It makes me wonder how he'd cry exactly.

I'm torn between two types. One is that he's the sort to get really quiet when he cries. Just suppressing it full force, shoulders shaking and tears just sliding down his face. In private too cause it's not cool to be caught like that, and maybe he'd grab a pillow or something to muffle sobs but after like 5-10 mins, it's like a switch flipped. He calms down, washes his face and proceeds with his day normally. Sidesteps any and all questions about why his eyes look red rimmed and puffy.

Another is that he is an ugly crier. Just full on sobbing, snot and tears going down his face. Trying to wipe away but it just keeps coming. Kinda lashing out at people who try to get close or comfort him. He hates feeling this way, hates having others see him like this but it's just too much to pretend that he's fine right now. When he's calmed down, just rough scrubs to his face and then quick exit, ignoring people calling out to him.

Now what would make him cry like that is the big question haha

Oh bet he represses everything, and I mean every single thing lmfaoo

But I also imagine him being a mix of both in a way, like, he doesn't show it to anyone else ofc, he would never ever cry in public, that's so uncool in his words, but once he's alone it just,, it's a gradual thing, it builds up y'know, it's like the feeling of anxiety, where your chest feels tight and your throat feels dry and you can feel every nerve in your body almost pulsing just beneath your skin, and suddenly every little problem starts to pile up on him, until it reaches its peak and he just,,, tears up, tries to stop them, trying so hard, so hard he's trying so hard why can't they see that I'm trying and until he starts to really ugly cry, like, his chest hurts y'know, broken sobs echo within the room as he tries so hard to calm himself down, until his pokemon come out to try and calm him, until he lashes out on them, until he falls to his knees, falls to the floor, his Dragonite nuzzling close to him, hoping it's enough comfort without really hugging him, without having to risk him panicking again from being held too tight

And they wait for him y'know, wait till he's the one reaching out for them, wait till he's the one clinging to his pokemon, holding them tight, closer, impossibly closer, at least they won't leave him

Ofc, his process is still slow, after his tears were shed, he'd just,,, sit there or lie down and look up at the ceiling, letting the last remnants of his tears to fall before he takes a deep breath, let's it out, and sits upright again, chuckling to himself, saying shit like "well, that was something, huh?" And after he makes sure he looks presentable, he goes on his day as if he didn't just cry for almost thirty minutes

Low-key tho but other than being compared to his fam, I think his academic record would kinda haunt him, cause like yeah, he knows he's a strong trainer, he has no doubts with that, but he knows he's struggling w class and while he's so chill abt it, repeating his school year kinda messed with him a bit. Maybe that, and maybe the whispers abt him too ofc, how he knows other people doubt if he really wants to be a Dragon Master like Drayden and Iris, he is from a family of Dragon Masters, so why isn't he making more of an effort to become one? Idk but yeah hahaha

[yuukei-yikes]

Do you have any headcanons about Hibiya's relationships with the rest of the Dan after the series? I was always a little disappointed we didn't really get to see him interact much with anyone besides hiyori, konoha, and momo. I would have loved to see him properly integrated as a member of the group and hanging out with them 🥲

YESSSSS I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN MEANING TO DRAW HIBIYA HANGING OUT WITH EVERYONE SEPARATELY TO LIKE POINT OUT DYNAMICS but then i never did 💔 i still will at some point

hibiya is the mekakushi dan's little brother.

0. ayano's big sister radar goes off incredibly fast when meeting hibiya. she spoils the hell out of him because hibiya is largely independent and already has momo as a big sister for emotional stuff so when ayano's like WANT ME TO PATCH UP THE HOLE IN UR SHIRT hibiya's like what. i know how to do that myself. and ayano's like fine i will buy your love if i must. so she's always taking him shopping and asking if he needs anything new. he comes back every summer to the city with broken ass sandals and ayano's always sending him back with shiny new ones. he still rly enjoys having her around but he looks at her more in a motherly light than sisterly. he'd DIE before admitting it tho

1. srry to play the cooking card with kido again but. hibiya and kido cooking together :) i think kido is very impressed with hibiya's cooking and hibiya is SUPER used to being taken for granted so when they point it out to him he almost bursts into tears. i think hibiya is always looking for compliments from kido bc kido is super cool and The Leader and they kinda have a teacher's pet dynamic LMAOO hibiya is always asking kido if he can help with any chores so of course it works and he's kido's favorite student. if this was a class which is not. so he's just a rly helpful kid kido enjoys having around and hibiya loves that kido is really normal. also kidomomo. yeah. hibiya and his lesbian moms. also kido teaches hibiya how to bind. ratio

2. with seto... i remember reading this fic in ff/net back in the golden days of kagepro (so like. 10 years ago) that was like hibiya resenting seto bc he was still hurting abt hiyori and while everyone died with a loved one seto lost a DOG. i thought it was so funny bc it's so immature but seems so in character for hibiya. also in the novels when hibiya is unconscious he's taken to seto's room. i think hibiya thinks the whole dan act like fools (bc they ARE) but kind of respects and looks up to seto because hibiya is 12 and according to my intensely calculated family headcanons was raised in a toxic masculinity household so he sees this Buff Guy getting up at 5am everyday and holds more than one job for his family...he's like (nod nod nod) and he also really respects how seto refuses to use his eye power because of its. erm. unethical nature. hibiyas like UGH SETO IS SO COOL SUCH A MAN'S MAN. seto is mostly oblivious to this and always always always ruffles hibiyas hair. everyone does this but seto is the only one hibiya doesnt yell at

3. i think kano would go easy on hibiya cuz he's a kid but not entirely bc if kano isnt totally insufferable to everyone he knows at least once a day he gets sick and dies. i think kano tries to do the big sibling thing abt convincing the little brother of a total bullshit lie like basically his hobbie is gaslighting hibiya for fun. hibiya goes screaming for kido to make him stop lol. also kano's the one who's always saying shit like hibiya is 8 years old. even when hibiya's an adult kano's like how old are u again. u turned like 15 right

4. man mary tries acting SOOOO GROWN UP to hibiya she's like desperately trying to seem like a cool older sister but on purpose. with everyone else it's kind of natural but she is actively trying. momo bestie so also around a lot and sees how momo (hibiyas big sister #1) acts around him and tries doing the same and hibiya's like. this is pathetic. but still endearing and accepts it LOL he's also respectful of mary bc he's well aware of her role in their survival so he's like SIGHS okay

6. takane is everyone's demise because she introduces hibiya to smartphones and gaming. like hibiya rly wanted a smartphone right and then he makes all these friends and has to go back to the village so he takes an intensive course ran by takane abt how to use a phone. which is all good. but the thing is she is ALSO like ur so weird kid. here. play some amongus. this is how amongus hibiya can still win. everyone like vinnie hibiya cant be a fortnite kid bc he has no idea abt gaming he doesnt even have a phone WELL i got news for u buddy my fave character is takane and im also totally delusional. she is the reason hibiya is texting the gc in total typos asking if anyone wants to among us. and he's so thankful to her he expresses his gratitude thru sending her amongus and minecraft memes he finds around that she's seen a thousand times but it's rly endearing. also hibiya is shintaro coded so takane knows how to handle him sorry im so delusional abt their friendship (holds their chapter together from novel eight close to my chest)

7. eheheheheh. like i said. hibiya is shintaro coded like in canon both momo and takane say hibiya reminds them of shintaro like he's a little shin. and momo adopting hibiya means shintaro gets little brother by default too. his ass is always at HIS HOUSE!!!! i talked abt this in a post once abt how seeing hibiya and momo together makes shintaro want to try a little harder at being a big brother. i think they like each other and shintaro always lets hibiya sit in his room if momo is being too insane, and hibiya sometimes is like well shintaro's actually pretty normal!! (immediately sees him act a fool bc ofc he does) eugh. also shintaro helps hibiya with his summer hw, i think hibiya's a good student but appreciates the help and tells shintaro he thinks he'd make a rly good teacher and continues writing down on his hw all casually while shintaro has to act like he didn't get all choked up hearing that

9. i've talked abt the haruka and hibiya shitshow lol but again i love the idea of hibiya just totally refusing to acknowledge konoha's gone and keeps kicking and screaming abt it. bc if konoha is rly gone then it means he regrets everything bc he was so mean to it and its bc of it hiyori is alive (hiyori doesnt act this way bc she's well aware of it) and that SUCKS. so hibiya largely avoids haruka and isn't all that into how hiyori is really accepting of him and all. and haruka is also like. awkwardly trying to approach him because it's the least he can do in konoha's memory but hibiya's like hissing at him. eventually hibiya would accept it after a couple breakdowns. i think momo also punches some sense into him. i want hibiya to lash out at haruka and scream all sorts of things at him abt how it's not fair konoha is gone and like who even is he and just overall say all the things haruka is already super insecure about but then it ends on hibiya sobbing in his arms abt how much he misses konoha. and haruka can only hug him back and apologize :(

[mythicandco]

can we hear abt fnam. anyone from mcp3 or evelin or sarah

YES YOU CAN !! I will talk abt all of them because why not. note most of this is probably subject to change but this is kinda like. the sorta things going on. random tidbits because my brain isn't being coherent rn

Thatcher, Adam, Jonah, Sarah and Evelin are all together! they have to be in order to survive with everything going on. Dave was part of the group for a while to but he, ah. ahem.

not sure if I've said this yet? but Ruth was killed - well, I say killed, which is really more of a mercy compared to her situation - by the zombies rather than by alternates between 1-2 years ago (she lived a bit longer than in canon) and Thatcher still hasn't gotten over it (he has So Much Guilt for So Many Things)

Dave, Thatcher and Ruth were the OG zombie apocalypse survival team. they were all prepared to be bunkered down at MandelaTech I'd guess but things went sideways and got a lot worse a lot faster than they expected, which led to what happened with Ruth

Sarah has a gun and knows how to use it. she nearly shot Thatcher once or twice (claims she was just startled) but besides that is fairly responsible with it. no one else besides maybe Evelin is allowed to hold it because Jonah and Adam are stupid and will accidentally hurt themselves and she just. doesn't trust Thatcher enough

heavily considering giving someone a spiked bat, probably Evelin. (I think about Stranger Things a normal amount.)

Ruth's daughter exists in this AU but I'm not sure if she's alive or not! probably not.

Evelin and Ruth are pretty close! since Ruth survived until, like, 2006 in this AU. she and Evelin met during Ev's time working/bunkering down at MandelaTECH (this of course sucks all the more when Ruth gets infected)

Thatcher ends up picking up the other kids later. the mcp3 are going to take all your kids, not in a creepy way but in a genuinely-just-adopting-them way (they are in Direct competition with six /hj)

can't think of anything more off the top of my head atm, but I hope all of this is satisfactory and at least Mostly makes sense /lh

[transzilla]

tgirl user on this site like last december who calls herself a baeddal: i cant believe were getting villified for making jokes about force fem, let trans people live

the same tgirl seeing a few tboys experiment with a similar kink in the same way: uh dont you know the term autoandrophile was once used by PSYCHOLOGISTS to god forbid CALL WOMEN CRAZY? do you think women are CRAZY? also since we All Know being feminine can only ever be lesser and humiliating by liking forcemasc youre basically a woman hating sexist for not only viewing gender roles as black and white. Oh and since youre a trans man you clearly have not matured at all mentally or sexually beyond that one annoying 14 year old trans boy i still hold a gurdge over. Over theres butch lesbians in the forcemasc community? Well theyre okay because theyre women.

Alright well don't take what I said like that hahaha like idk who tf you're talking abt and I do see a lot of trans men bitching abt forcemasc. And cis women which is umm kind of special.

I understand what you're saying and inter community transphobia pisses me the fuck off but I mostly see the "men are evil and transitioning to male is evil" from cis women and these neofeminist environments mostly like i really dont think the heat youre experiencing is a tgirl invention. Like thats a cis pioneer lol

I do see a lot of trans women that are transphobic toward men and don't trust transmasc circles and like I understand some trans male circles have UNIQUE issues but like baeddel shit from tgirls... if I get tired of it I just turn my phone off LMAOO like this shit just does not fly or exist in real life

My whole thing is if you're gonna do the baeddel thing and hate men and say being a man is unethical whatever at least take care of your girls. Like I think I've experienced maybe one "baeddel" circle irl and it was in like a sheltered city bubble and it was just pretty normal transgender female drama like all these liberated queer people say they hate men and dickride them anyway. theyd just be dicks to trans men and dickride cis dudes. And they were even awful to other tgirls like you couldn't do anything and anger the fucking clique without somebody being like oh my god she was such a bitch like it really is ur own people LMAO but like I understand it just blew trying to hack it in those tboy and cis people spaces cus everyone was horrible to u for being transfem. Like they werent any less misogynistic. But then even in the transfem circle they also were not less misogynistic even if tgey talked all this shit abt men. transgender people are awful mostly because they're neurotic, it was rejection from other trans people that had these girls reacting with bullshit like that, I just don't want you responding to these wolf notes with more anger. Like let the fire die out. Please. Lol.

Dont read too much into internet drama especially, like this shit isnt real I think it gets so cutthroat cause a lot of people arent really trans or have trans communities outside of the internet unfortunately like the real world resources are not there and people are too eager to subsitute with tumblr. And I'm the same way like I'm a hick like my closest trans friend is a half hour away. Like just calm down cus if ur not calm ur not thinking.

[seagullcharmer]

accidentally started typing too much, so. read more (rusty lake postin)

also, since i've been on a rusty lake kick recently, and just re-finished paradise, i've been thinking abt the eilanders again....... like. jakob was 21 during the events of paradise. at most, david was 19, but probably closer to 15-17, which goes to explain a lot more of his behaviour imo. he's just a silly guy. stuck with his cult of a family and literally doesn't know any better. hotel was my first game, and mr rabbit was my favourite guest, so learning that david and mr rabbit are the same make me kind of sad :-( david was a kid. and, sure, i guess we don't reeeeally know what happened to the eilanders directly after paradise (unless anyone can tell me?) sure jakob becomes enlightened but that doesn't mean he's omnipotent. maybe the rest of them lived after that, before becoming their animal counterparts.

and i know that birthday is a weird game, because it's a memory, and not technically what 'actually' happened (in either timeline!) (i don't believe that dale truly witnessed an anthropomorphic rabbit kill his family!) (as weird as rusty lake is, i am of the firm opinion that dale was mostly normal prior to case 23, loss of family notwithstanding) but man. i still feel bad for mr rabbit. even if he killed dale's family to try to 'balance his past lives' or whatever, david was a teenager, and while, yes, of course, he still played a part in killing(?) jakob, he otherwise did little to torment his brother (aside from the usual rusty lake nonsense) (yes david was not the most normal guy around but. again. a teenager living in a horrifying cult) so i feel like there's more at play here. did david/mr rabbit really deserve all those things that happened to him?

and, sure, mr rabbit's death in hotel was really one of the milder ones. and maybe david grew up to do other terrible things! or maybe mr rabbit did, before becoming a magician! but we just don't know!

this is a lot of words for someone who otherwise doesn't care about david eilander. i accidentally got emotional realising he was a teenager while unloading the dishwasher earlier, so. a.

jakob, on the other hand, i am very fond of. for no real reason. i don't particularly care for mr owl. but, jakob. what was going on with him? caroline sent him away as a child. where did he go? what did he do? how did nicholas know where to send the letter? (also. wow. 'i regret to inform you your mother has passed away' or whatever. my man, you were the one to kill her) (anyway.)

but jakob came back!!!! even though he was sent away because his family was going to sacrifice him to the lake!! and the only one he truly shows affection towards is his dead mother! why did he come back?? (i suppose it was still for his mother. if he hadn't, nicholas and the others would have eventually figured out her cubes and the elixir) (but still.)

although i am very fond of jakob and his siblings...... he's been gone for ten years or more (the picture is from 15 years ago, but i feel some time passed between the picture and the attempted sacrifice) but he comes back and some of the puzzles are just kind of silly sibling shenanigans. elizabeth going ice skating. jakob painting her face. getting her the frog flute. david and his frogs. rescuing david from the ice. putting the apple on david's head (as i'm sure every older sibling has wanted to do at least once /joking) like. the first thing you do when you get to paradise is help david making a fishing rod. brothers <3

also just jakob's model. he is so exhausted. just like me fr or smth.

also wish we got to learn more abt aldous + william and how they became alchemists. how did they discover the elixir? they're both major characters to rusty lake, but we know so little about them. despite roots being one of the longest games in the series, and we play as william the entire time, we know next to nothing about him. it isn't until samsara room that we get a little bit of personality detail! (i am of the opinion that the little comments abt the reflections are his personality. 'i look a little fishy' 'i like the view' etc. i still don't know how i feel abt him as a character, but he had a sense of humour, i guess?) (poor laura though. guess she didn't inherit that)

which: laura. is it any wonder she's messed up when she has the brain of dear granddad albert? while i don't take it to be the literal, physical brain, i'm sure it still had an influence on her poor mental health. like, mental illness runs in families. or in the case of the vanderbooms, walks slowly and shakes hands with each family member. having the brain of albert (very smart, very messed up), the tears of emma (depression hours real!!!!!!), the eye of ida (the visions. the horrors.), truly is it any wonder laura had issues??

also, harvey. not much to say abt him; just cool that he's been around forever. how did he get to rusty lake anyway? those birds aren't native to the netherlands. but despite the murders in hotel, he's a nice little dude :-) just sticks around and helps people. sorta.

okay i've been typing nonsense for like 20 minutes. good night

[cutepervert]

ty to @tigertofu for the tag <3 dont have many friends on here yet but i'll tag the people that i can think of off the top of my head, @rreskk @chloe12801 @heisentwerk

Were you named after anyone?

not as far as I can tell. my mom likes to say im named after julius caesar but i think shes lying

Do you have kids?

no and have noooo interest it is simply not for me i think

Use sarcasm a lot?

yes, less so on the internet but irl i do a LOT

First thing you notice 'bout people?

it's hard to pick out one thing because i often interpret the totality of a person (like their vibe ig?) before i focus on any details. this is not to say that i dont focus on details i absolutely do but that's often long after i've determined the person has an interesting vibe based off their outfit/the way they carry themselves/etc

Eye color?

hazel. i think? like a light brown with greenish bits in the central heterochromia zone

Scary movies or happy ending?

hard to say tbh! I like a neat ending (not necessarily a happy one) and both scary movies and 'happy ending' movies tend to have neat endings (or at least neat enough to set-up for a sequel LOL). I like both, it all kinda depends on my mood

Special talent?

oh i struggle so hard with this question... like, i have several things i am moderately good at (writing, drawing, et cetera) but ive never been especially skilled or talented at a single thing like other people are. jack of all trades master of none that's the kinda bitch i am. also sidenote but i think talent isn't real. if it is real it describes nothing but someones desire to practice a given thing which then makes them good at it. nobodys born good at shit. prodigies are fake and they are all lying to u!!!!

Your hobbies?

lol. hobbies... what are those! no frfr i play video games write fanfic and once in a while when i have the energy to set up a workspace i like doing very hands-on sculptural art like papier mache and clay sculpture.

Any pets?

no i wish :( want a cat so bad but our aint shit landlord (who tbf is usually really fine and normal and chill so i guess there had to be ONE THING at least that sucked abt him) said no

Playing any sport?

LOL. no. fuck sports..... except i like watching basketball because those men are freaks of nature in the best way and i like to imagine in ancient times we'd have them do feats of strength like climbing up a very steep mountain face. i just love those lengthy boys. kevin durant especially is such an extruded guy every time he falls during a game (which as it turns out is way more often than i thought) im like okay this time his legs have to have snapped in half. and they dont! probably because he drinks his milk or w/e. takes him vitamines. wild shit. anyway yeah i dont do sports

How tall..?

5'7 last time i checked.... imo the perfect height. not too short not too tall but also not too medium. on the tall side of medium sized. love being this height.

Favourite subject in school?

hard to say bc it depended so much on the teacher but i loved most of my english classes and a good amount of my history classes. history is sooo girlypop to me like we're truly just sharing 100+ year old gossip like it's not nosy as fuuuuuck

Dream job:

i do not dream of labor but i think the ideal job for me is one that doesn't feel like it's sucking 100% of my soul out my mouth (will settle for like 30 to 50% soul sucking) and hopefully serves to help other people through creative expression (because i dont know how to do anything else LMAO). i basically have that job rn but it's still Hard and Annoying so i suppose nothing will ever b perfect

[uwusillygirl]

Hey, normal people anon 1 again ✌️

(Firstly, thanks for your reply to my last message, didn't want to clog ur inbox as I didn't have very much to add but really appreciate the thought you always put into your replies and thanks for validating my being a fast reader - I was on the top table for silent reading in primary school.)

Absolutely living for all your headcanon posts!! Especially love the parenting ones - I've been trying on+off to write a fic abt Chrissy and Eddie becoming parents and also think their first pregnancy would be unplanned and that Chrissy would find the idea of having a girl difficult and stressful, worrying that she wouldn't be able to raise her without putting any of her own struggles on her, esp in a world that is so primed to reinforce even the slightest worries about weight and looks and being "good".

If you're still doing them, I'm really interested in hearing a little more about Eddie's low days/periods in the first one's free universe. I know we got a beautiful look into it in wanna make you feel better but I wonder how it may have changed (if at all) over the years. Obviously, Chrissy has shown repeatedly (and explicitly stated) that she wants to feel useful so I wonder if that does anything to mitigate Eddie's embarrassment/feeling like a burden (the lines "He wants to be easy. He wants to make it easy." when he's telling Chrissy she doesn't have to stay and help in wmyfb actually break me), because he at least knows that she will feel good that she's able to care for him. And then also, how does it change now that they are working adults who have to like pay bills and buy food. Originally Chrissy says they can just stay in bed and ride it out as long as he needs but are they able to afford them both taking time off work at the same time? If not how do they deal with that? Idk it's something I've been thinking about since the mention that Normal Couple Days are instated automatically every time it happens in drooling on the tile and would love to hear more!

Alternatively, if it's mainly just the same as wmyfb or you just want a more alternate universe-y idea, recently I've been having immense amounts of fun building an elaborate universe with pop-princess Chrissy and Corroded Coffin frontman Eddie in a battle for the number 1 spot so would really enjoy your take on that.

hiii!!!

omg your fic sounds really sweet!!! please keep me updated if u want!!!

i'm gonna focus on the middle portion of your ask, and just write a lil answer instead of like listing headcanon if that's okay! i think that honestly chrissy's sort of compulsion for usefulness is mainly explored when they're actively interacting in that power dynamic play they sometimes do. i think that when eddie is in a mental health crisis or low point, chrissy stays pretty by the book and attentive and steps away from her like repeated "tell me i'm good, am i being good, do you like me, did i earn this" sort of persona.

emotionally speaking, i think it probably still bugs eddie that he is being a "burden" to chrissy (at least that's how he sees it).

that SAID i think that it probably mitigates some embarrassment on the physical, tangible care part. it's not like when he's having a low period suddenly chrissy takes less pleasure in caring for him, running their house, cooking, etc. so he probably doesn't worry about that as much as he would've originally.

and as for the idea of "oh we'll just do this forever", i don't think chrissy ever meant that, i think it was sort of like a way of trying to relieve the stress. i thought of it sort of in the same way some panic attack reduction practices are like paradoxical, where you tell yourself, "okay well my heart's just going to explode and i really am going to die this time and here's me accepting it" and once you really believe it the panic attack stops. in a similar sense chrissy, i think, was trying to get eddie out of a sort of elongated stress cycle over his depressive episode. "what if i never get better" being a paralyzing thought, so instead it can be like "what if i just don't think about that right now and just think about drinking this fucking glass of water", if that makes sense? none of this is like airtight or professional but chrissy is also 19 in 1987 lmao so like, she's not a doctor she was just trying something.

but to your point of how it works later and further in their life with careers and stuff, i bet it's sort of the same! she just lets him be in his episode, and if he's like "no this is really the time i never get out of it" she probably says something like "alright sure that's fine, i'll work something out for us". not because she actually thinks that'll happen, but so his brain doesn't have to focus on that one stressor when he should just be focusing on surviving.

i have never written so meta about my writing ever in my life lmao this is so wild thank you all for indulging me!

[gl00mxstar]

I think I'm getting better now

I don't feel like shit this much right after waking up and when I do sometimes it goes away on it's own a bit quicker

my 'seemingly out of nowhere or from stress and physical activity pains' are less painful that what they used to be in the past few years and even tho I still can't do that much it's way better than I thought I could get

since I both dropped out of high school (and apprenticeship too) and it was literally too late to do anything bc it was almost end of school year I'm not 'obliged' to see people or go to place where stress anxiety and fatigue eat me alive

with 3 above comes better sleep too I can go to sleep and wake up whenever I want without a worry so it helped a lot too I also can sleep less and feel better (I realize how ridicilous it sounds but I always felt like shit when sleeping '8h like a normal person' but when I slept for only few hours I felt really good energetic and refreshed)

I'm more energetic and feel actual motivation to do stuff get better and rather than 'I wanna have bare minimum of living conditions to survive and not go insane' it's 'I wanna make my life better to actually live and enjoy it'

I've managed to take better care of my emotions and even open up more to 'right people' and not bottle them up or turn them into just self depricating jokes like I always did I even vented 2 times (first time 5h and second around 3/3,5h I swear I would have never thought I'll ever do it and for such a long time too I know I def wouldn't manage to when I was younger) also treating tumblr as my personal diary and venting helped too I don't really care if haters or someone I know irl sees my posts if they see this and are gonna have a problem with that it means we just never meant to be friends honestly it's better this way since from that I'm gonna have an easy way of getting to know this

for the one above thank you friends I've made in the past few years also to dca fandom and furry community ya'll have one of the most welcoming people there it's hard to feel uncomfortable and bottle up the emotions around you don't change ever 🫶 (ig it's easy to see someone's struggling when you have first hand experience sobs /hj)

after years of struggling to understand 'what is wrong with me' in everyday life and school I realized I have autism and adhd (thank you reddit tons of articles online and friends with autism 🤝) unfortunately the healthcare sucks where I live especially the mental so I can get a proper diagnosis but I'm 100% sure it's that and knowing what is 'wrong' with me takes away a lot of weight off my shoulders and I finally don't feel bad abt having stuff like sensory issues and problems with understanding certain social norms etc

I learned to go out to buy groceries without being on the brink of a panic attack again so now it's the same as it was when I was younger while I don't like doing it at least I can actually go and buy something

I can now bake again without being reminded of the time I was stuck as an apprentice in horrible work environment were even faint smell of dough or vanilla sugar outside of the workplace were enough to be triggering

I'm finally getting back my 'bad mouth and attitude' as others liked to say when I disagreed with something when they thought they were the smartest person in the room while being wrong so I can now say what I really think and not cry while literally just defending myself and my personal opinions so again going back to how I was when I was younger

I'm a bit less worried abt my cats since the vet clinic was opened in my village (the one where there are actual ppl working here and not just pretending I still don't get it how they were making any money since they weren't open most of the time) and even though I still don't have money for the vet at the very least once I get enough I'll have it close to get them to one

I have way less suicidal thoughts now I hope one day I can get it to 0 or at the very least to 'random thought of remembering the bad past'

I'm trying to speak english outloud to try and learn the right pronunciation (I know what the word is supposed to sound like but I have problems with speaking even in my native language) also I'll try to make phone calls and leave voice messages once I feel more brave to do so I also have in plans trying to read some fics or books to get both my spoken english and reading skills better at the same time since I'm terrible at reading outloud too

I managed to switch from traditional art to digital decently quickly imo and now that I even draw a lot faster than I used to the thought of actually making a living from art seems way less insane now

I've made few good friends both irl and online that I have common interests with and that I'm vibing with hopefully once the weather gets less intense and my health get better and I'll have some money to go out we'll meet

I have one of them keep asking me to go out she's so sweet 😭💕

[meowmeowbeepy]

Wow here are some updates no one asked for

I just caught up on previous blog posts. I am sorry the last two seemed more like tweets. Here are some historical happenings since last true post (mostly I've been doing book and podcast reviews lol?)

I went to NY w/ Benny which was fun. I was so incredibly pleased w/ myself that he actually LIKED it. Lots of touristy things that we all must do at least once in this life... Next time we go back we will be more slow paced. I liked the hotel A LOT. It's great to stay in 1 central place when traveling. I know I'll have made it in life if my future hotels on vacations are nice as balls and convenient and no compromise! He liked the MET the most. I felt bad bc I was not doing well that day (abrupt #3 iykyk and hungry and feet hurt). Something I like abt Ben: he never makes me feel bad when I actually am being a problem. I cannot say I am as gracious towards crankypants. I liked the ferry ride to the Statue of Liberty! Specifically the Statue of Liberty. The island was not crowded, and we were the first group there so it was an ideal situation and felt whimsical for an iconic landmark. I also really liked seeing friends Clur and Corn. It was so nice and energetic for the limited time I had. But the most soul filling ofc was bringing Benny to grandparents. I appreciate my auntie sm for being the best (albeit crazy) caretaker of grandparents (also crazy). Family becomes everything and continues to speed up up up up in importance as we age. Our social worlds will get smaller.. not worse! Just infrequent! But family is home. That's how I can describe the feeling anyways. My translation abilities were better than I thought... Also, I knew they were old but I never felt they were any older than other grandparents. But after this trip, I could SEE and I really felt that they are getting far older than average/normal. So I treasure and am thankful for that. I hope they will be here for much longer. So much time has gone by since I was a little college kid staying majorly w/ them "upstate" and venturing towards Manhattan. Now, I don't think I could do that haha. I am such a princess haha.

Before we went to NY me, daddy, and Benny went to a Rockets game. It was perfectly fun and something I know my daddy will treasure a lot. He likes that kinda stuff.

I thought December was going to be a huge flop/slow month for HAs but it ended up being ok. January tho... extreme flop lols. But I guess I have one more week to turn it around? Doubt I can realistically. I wonder if I am not as motivated as I was when I first started :( But idunno. I think about the ethics and morals of different HA levels way more than I used to? Or at least deeper than I used to so maybe that is affecting me? I also think I am more realistic than before- I used to give my 500% and was blind to a person who probably wouldn't follow through. Now, I can see it early on and it doesn't disappoint as much I guess. Probably not good. Also, the salary drama I've recently become privy to was a weird thing to experience in my career. I didn't get TMJ from it lol and feel pretty neutral overall. But hoping the best... for all.. and for me. If I could say 1 thing I am really bleh to: the tracking and KPI of my office. The higher ups are VERY nice... but what's going to happen when my numbers aren't as good for an entire year as maybe they were Sept-Oct. But I won't be too negative, realistically I know things will ebb and flow without any change in me.

Ok last one. We got a new doggy! Born 3/21/2020... Barney! He's so sweetums and so much more DOG than Toby was. Barney is just a wee bit mischievous but it is overpowered by his loyalty and desire to be close to humans. Toby was very mischievous and not super affectionate or needy, tho very loyal w/out shame lol. (Ex. does not want love from anyone but my mom.. esp Joann) Barney is pretty sweet to all. Joann has announced that he is HER dog, which makes sense. AND I don't mind. I just want a little doggy adjacent. She is basically holding him hostage in her room which I think is funny bc his personality probably will do well w/ that. Vs. Toby hated her for that. God blessed us w/ Barney though. He is so gentle and baby that he will be a good second dog to people who VERY HONESTLY have not fully moved on from Toby. And probably never will (not in a super bad way) but he was more than a dog lollll so dramatic.

K bye

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

anyways as much anxiety as it's giving me to think abt trying to function "normally," it'd be nice to get that first job i mentioned bc of:

the subject matter (more focused than general eng tutoring, would just be in a student center presumably where i'd go over essays with freshman college students/doesn't require the kind of like. pseudo curriculum planning tutoring did lol)

the hours/schedule bc it's not overwhelming but still provides decent hours, is just a year so i don't have to panic abt committing to smtn my adhd isn't ready for lol plus if it's college, it'll adhere to that schedule? so presumably i'll get the same vacations or at least not have to commute for anything?

the location (bc i'd commute into boston which yeah means a small commute but on public transit + i'm familiar with it bc i commuted into boston for a year before, i went to college in boston, i live right by it like the commute isn't bad at all aside from like, the state of the mbta lol + the job is in such a familiar area like i've walked there before from college lol + you cannot stop me from getting food and snacks once i'm in there)

plus i wouldn't be responsible for like, making every student the best writer, i'd just ??? presumably go over what's working and what's not? and who knows if i'd always meet with the same students either? like it feels genuinely chill, esp in comparison to the tutoring i just did where the schedule being so erratic + never having a clear idea of what to work on when was just. ugh. fucking horrible

working with that student was great! loved them! but meeting once a week and essentially never having the continuity we needed--sometimes working on stuff that wasn't eng??? like i literally don't feel like i made that much of a difference which sucked. plus for only an hr a week, i didn't really make enough to justify the stress lol? like i should've just committed to etsy only lol