#ILAYO

[shelivesbetweenthepages]

six years ago, yung ex ko. a very first ex of mine, nagtagal kami naman kahit papano. we had a healthy relationship up until the end. he told me he needed to put himself first and i suspected na he was just cheating. pero as i grew up, i realized that he never did cheat. he was telling the truth. we were young back then and i guess commitments are too much for him so he had to take a step back.

pero dahil halos masira ako nung iniwan nya ko, ilang beses ko syang tinanong kung may iba ba. halos lumuhod ako umamin lang sya kasi gusto ko lang ng rason na siguro ikakagalit ko para ilayo sarili ko sakanya. pero alam nyo ano sinabi nya sakin?

sabi niya he can never cheat on me. isang gago lang daw ang makakagawa nun sakin sa bait ko daw at sa pagiging mapagmahal. i still remember how he carefully let me go and treated me right up until the end. i remembered him kissing my forehead and told me that i'm the strongest person he knew and he will never forget me.

he told me to take care of myself. he told me to never allow disrespect from men kasi hindi nya ko ganon minahal. minahal at pinakawalan nya ko ng maayos. ako lang talaga ang hindi naka move on agad. tatlong taon ako hindi naka move on agad.

but until now, when i cry from things that hurt me i see a glimpse of him in my mind. reminding me that i'm still worthy of love na kahit anong form of love pa yan, there's always a choice to treat someone right. and he showed it to me. and i'll never forget it.

it's been years now and we have our different lives and we love different people. but i will always thank the universe na nag meet kami kasi natutunan ko na ano ba dapat ang pagmamahal. may respeto at may tiwala. we were so young back then pero he taught me so much.

idk what he's up to now and i don't care much anymore. i love someone else now and we're going through something hard pero nakwento ko tong ex ko not to compare but to remind myself na possible tratuhin ako ng tama. na hindi ko lagi kasalanan pero choice ko pano ko to maoovercome.

[jillaxkalangg]

grabe talaga may mga tao talaga na nabubulag kapag nagiinlove. hindi ko alam if aware ba sila ba red flag na yung jowa nila or ano, di ko maintindihan hahahaha ang aga aga chismis agad inaatupag ko pero grabe naman kasi. you deserve what you tolerate naman nga, pero sana hayaan nila yung partners nila na magspend time with their friends. hindi ba nila alam ang concept ng friends only ganaps ;_;

anyway sana ilayo ako sa mga ganong klase na lalaki hshahahaha di ko kaya kaloka

[souledead]

I've been trying to practice na taasan yung frequency at iset yung boundaries ko ever since na mapagdesisyunan ko lumayo sa mga taong di na align sa values ko. Pero ito n naman, may tendency na naman na mapalapit sa mga ganong klase ng tao. Nako-caught off guard ako. Hindi ko alam kung challenge lang ba 'to para masubukan ng universe kung kaya ko nang tumanggi o ilayo yung sarili sa mga ganon, or low pa rin talaga yung frequency ko to prevent those kinds of shits. Or baka ganon sila ka-kumportable mag-open ng mga ganong bagay. Idk. Pero decided na ko talaga na ayokong ilagay ng matagal sa ganong klase ng environment at tinataga ko talaga sa bato na gagawin ko lahat makalayas lang sa ganito.

Pero one thing lang din na napansin ko sa sarili ko na alam ko na pano controllin ang sarili ko sa mga harmful things na nagagawa ko noon na nagre-result sa pagka-wala or pagkakaron ng impression na pwede akong bastusin ng kahit na sino. Maybe one step at a time talaga.

Also, medyo umaatake na naman yung boredom ko dahil at peace na ko sa lahat ng bagay ngayon. Totoo nga yung sinasabi na may times na hahanapin mo yung thrill and all the stuff pero dahil feel ko naman nagbu-bunga na mga self help books na nababasa at videos na napapanood ko noon sa youtube, kahit papano napa-practice ko na gumawa ng matalinong desisyon. Di na ko basta naggi-give in sa emotions ko. Kung maririnig lang siguro ng iba mga napagdaanan ko, baka for them masasabi nilang mababaw lang 'to. Pero knowing me, lahat ng nararamdaman ko palaging intense eh (intense magalit, magmahal, matuwa, malungkot etc.) so for me, big deal talaga na medyo kapa ko na pano ima-manage yung sarili ko.

[kevinthought]

Dear God,

Christmas gift Mo na po sa akin yung good health, work-life balance, at yung ilayo po ako sa mga temporary, unstable people, ghoster, manggagamit at one-day jowa. Amen. 🙏🏻🎄

[quehorror]

Kamatayan, marahil, ang pinakakinatatakutan kong bagay sa mundo. Na kinakailangan kong magtago at yumukod upang hindi ako matagpuan nito.

Pero nang halikan mo ako, tila ba sumakabilang buhay na 'ko. Na hindi lang hanggang langit ang nilipad ko, dahil pinalibutan ako ng mga tala at sinangayunan ng mga mundo. Na tuluyan ko nang naarok ang sukdulan ng buhay dahil sayo. At nang ilayo mo na ang iyong labi ay saka ko lang napagtanto.

Na pag-ibig ay higit pa sa kahit anong bagay na makalupa. Na pag-ibig ang tumutulak sa atin palabas ng karimlan. Na higit na mas matimbang ang lambing ng iyong bisig kaysa sa karit ni kamatayan. Na kahit may sentensiya ang pagiging mortal, ang bawat araw ko nama'y parang habambuhay dahil sa iyong pagmamahal.

[kysrcsm]

Lord, gusto ko pa din naman po magkajowa pero please po, ilayo mo naman ako sa mga bata. 🥲 Huhu.

[chereserene]

Solid rin yung panaginip ko parang ano hmm nakakakilig na ewan. Kaso bakit ganon may mukha yung lalaki sa panaginip pero paggising ko nakakalimutan ko na.

If iinterpret ko based kay Freud yung panaginip ko isa lang yung conclusions "jowang jowa ka na" pakshet ka but yung twist eh "nakilala mo na pero hindi mo pa rin nakikita" kasi blur pa rin yung mukha nung lalaki pagkagising pero tih ang gwapo seryoso.

or baka kasi nakita ko lang siya kahapon kaya feel ko siya yung napanaginipan ko, tangina naman nun rold. Ilayo niyo na ako sa kanya kasi hindi na ako natutuwa. Ayoko na magtiwala for the 3rd time around.

[zenapiol0530]

Wag nating gawing komplikado ang mga bagay na hindi naman dapat,matutong mapag pasensya at mapanuri sa anumang bagay bago gawin para hindi tayo mismo ang nahihirapan..

Piliin mong maging masaya sa pamamagitan ng puso at kakayahan,hindi dahil sa gusto mo lang,madaming bagay ang madaling pairalin lalo nat nasa sistema tayo ng kahinaan,isiping magkaroon ng kapanatagan ang buhay para hindi tayo ilayo sa tama.🦋

[irritatinglytidsoptimist]

Rold, yawqonna. Ilayo mo ko sa dimunyung ito! 😭😭😭

[before-eye-die]

Prayer - March 6, 2023

Last night, nagcha-charge yung phone ni daddy and nagloloko yung charger niya. I was going to fix it and check his battery percentage when I saw a notif from Bernz. At that point, I felt like a part of me crumbled. 

Last night, I was in my room and I was praying. I was asking God bakit ganoon. And I told the Lord, I felt like the enemy is attacking my past self. I felt like Satan is targeting all my past hurts and those things that really broke me before. 

Today, I was led to 1 Kings 10 to 11. Here, makikita na si Solomon, marami na naging baby girls. Makikitang Solomon has been led astray by his love towards different women and this, of course, angered the Lord. The Lord wants to take the kingdom away from Solomon and his descendants but He won’t for the sake of David. 

I see here, (1) the faithfulness of a father or a parent affects the life of his children. A parent’s journey with God would affect the lives of his children. Right now, Father God, I don’t know really know what to feel. I don’t understand why my father still sticks with her after everything that has happened. I still don’t understand why she won’t leave us alone. And my dad’s journey is affecting me. With this, I am praying that You heal all the broken wounds I have in my heart. I recognize, Lord, that the issue with Bernz and her family has affected me. I was not directly part of the hit, but I was really affected. And there are broken parts of me that are broken because of it. I pray that You heal me from it. I pray that You mend these broken parts and that You show me how to deal with this. I pray for my father here on Earth. Ilayo Mo siya sa kahit anong uri ng temptation, and please, deal with him. 

(2) Your faithfulness God transcends our lives. David has long been dead when these issues with Solomon took place. In fact, looking at it, I feel like no one would judge or even bat an eyelash if you became too angry na binawi Mo lahat ng sinabi Mo. But no, You loved David too much to even take back what You said. Even in Your anger and in Your hurt, You still love us. I think this is a bit connected to (1) in a sense na You don’t want to set a precedent na You can back on Your word. Hindi lang siya “Eh nasabi Ko na eh.” No, it’s more than that. It’s more of “I made a promise and I love you too much to break it.” It’s an assurance na my heart is safe in Your hands. 

(3) God is Love. You experience all these emotions. In fact, thinking about it now, all emotions we experience comes from You. It’s kind of divine to think about actually. When I love someone, I can think, God experienced this kind of love too. When I’m sad and brokenhearted, I can find comfort in the fact na ahh my Jesus felt this. This is why He is close to the brokenhearted. He felt this first and He doesn’t want me to be alone. Going back to the point na God is love. God feels emotions: love, anger, hurt. But God is not anger. God is not pain. God is love. Above all, He chooses to love. Above all, He is love. 

Father God, when I am broken and hurting and in pain and in moments of my life when I want to do revenge, help me choose You. Help me choose to love. May the spirit of brokenness leave and remind me that You have restored me and that You make all things new. Remind me of Your Word. 

Thank You for this. I praise You. May You be honored in my life today. 

[amorpowerss]

so ayun, bad mood ako kase bukod sa period week ko and ang sakit ng puson ko, nagppile up pa emotions ko tapos sinimulan na naman ako kanina 🤡 likee, kids yan. ano ba. okay na pagsabihan pero ano pa gusto gawin? edi ilayo nalang. hay 🧘🏻‍♀️ sobrang sama ng loob ko tapos may mga indirect na gusto iparating. idk, kawalang gana and i don't think maayos agad. anw. nagkita kami ni krizia today dapat sabay kami magcoconditioning and run na need isend sa gc, ending puro rants lang hahahaha. tapos nag SB kami. speaking of, nagka warlahan sa gc si coach at besh. minessage ko nalang si besh na ok lang yun libre ko nalang siyang siomai para gumaan gaan environment, tapos ayun nag usap na kami tungkol sa mga rants nya HAHAHAHA. sobrang funny gague. buti kahit papano gumaan pakiramdam ko (and sana gumaan din pakiramdam niya kahit onti????) yun lang. bye.

[gab-8]

Papa Jesus ayoko na hahaha ilayo mo na ako sa sakit na to

[huminahon]

Nadaanan namin yung pinag-OJT-han ko at nabanggit yung kwento nun, tas nung nakaupo na kami habang nagkukwentuhan, pinakita sa akin kung gaano ako ka-blessed at kung paano nagwowork ang Lord sa buhay ko. Yung sa work ko, sa boss at mga big bosses, sa fam, sa friends, pati sa mga taong nakakasalamuha... mapapa-thank you, Lord ka talaga. Ipinapasalamat at isinusuko ko na lang talaga lahat sa Kanya. Marami pa rin akong pagkukulang but it's not about me, it's about Him and His Grace.

Being in Christ doesn't mean you have a smooth sailing and rich life. Being in Christ is full of doubts, fears, turmoil, ups and downs, and any worst thing you might think of. Ang gusto ng evil, ilayo tayo sa Kanya. Minsan nga you have to check your blessings, if galing ba sa Kanya or sa evil, or if your blessings are already corrupted.

As much as possible hindi ako nagpopost ng something like this kasi I respect other beliefs, even sa politics, but maybe this is not Nem or the Nem you know nor the Nem you're raising your eyebrows, it's the Holy Spirit.