#ILL BE UR VICTIM NUMBER ONE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

another-dra-anew · 1 year

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maybe maki you don't talk about her enough...

i dont!!! so i will answer this because shes neglected. not because im procrastinating. sobs sobs sobs-

cw: icky bad parents/abuse mentioned. but like. that cw is equal in severity/detail as the actual point where its mentioned. no detail/infos on how theyre icky bad, just that theyre icky bad

My identity hc for them

canonically sapphic! i feel like ive spoken before on her identity past that uhhh. i dont know what im on about?

+ trans lass! i think she still overall just has a journey ahead of her when it comes to feeling secure in her identity and etc etc? thats kinda just a general thought. she's got some internalized issues she needs to work through but like. w/o getting into backstory spoilers shes being so brave esp for her age and im so proud of her <33. she's having a vv normal and expected relationship with her identity and im so proud of my girlie. she can work through her internalized stuff now that she has fwends by her side, she's already done so much on her own and im so proud of my girlie

Thoughts on their home life/family

maki comes across veryyy. edgy and like "oh duhhh this character has trauma they're wearing their pain on their sleeve" and so i worry her backstory is too. ouch the edge? but i think like... ultimately her relationship with her parents and her relationship with ryutaro are accurate to like... toxic households/what happens when ur a child abuse victim. even if what exactly Happened there is a bit more nonsensical, the dynamics portrayed are (hopefully) accurate depictions which hold weight because of what they're like, if not how they came to be.

thatsss meta reflection tho lol. for something in-universe... hm. how do i say things without spoiling. i think her being a big sister is very important to her and she wants to be like. part of the club with yamaguchi and hatano and uehara and etc etc. but her relationship with ryutaro is like. Explodes. so while the fact she's a big sibling is something that holds a lot of weight to her shes like. well i cant really call myself a big sibling now can i. hm. (<- dont worry about it its just the horrors ! )

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

she's... a hard character for me to nail. this is something ive noticed with her and uehara both? its funny i used to feel fine with writing them but now im comfy writing yamaguchi and inori and not these two. ugh. buuuut.. i feel like i just need practice? maybe ill revisit that old maki fic.... i think i just need to spin her a bit in my head, and actually. im confident in her writing but not how i portray it. i need to do more to show that she's very... withdrawn and on the defense 90% of the time.

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

hmm- OH. she and tsu would be/should be besties. but like. even in non despair itd take monthsss for them to be in the same social sphere + interacting enough to be besties. and in the kg tsu is busy trying to be bob the builder for everyones mental health ("can we fix it? yes we can!) and maki is Not Well. so. sadly no "pls my kids take care of ur ears look at ur talents oh lordy" besties :(...

My number one favorite ship for them

obligatory makitomo per tomoris ask meme! i think they'd 100% have a mutual crush in non despair, and even in kg there's definitely like.. hints of stuff there, romance just isn't reallyyyyy... what's been on makis mind.

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i think she and kurokawa r cute, and i think her and inori could be fun... maki is funny cuz she's one of the few girls i dont especially ship with hatano or iranami? but yeah! tbf i just think kuronori/makitomo is cute. polycuuuule!

The thing i will NEVER ship

i meaaaan? damn. i really just don't have m/f ships in dra. wow. uhhh anyways. there's nothing im against for her, just stuff im not too interested in of my own volition!

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

i miss talking about my edgy trio :( (inori maki uehara)..... uhhhhm.. i dont think there's really anything else? but yk. actually in terms of makis relationships being talked about. do u all ever question whats going on with maki and ryutaro? or makis past in general? ???

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

im preeetty happy with her fit, but im thinking about changing her color palette.... i need to upload fit explanations in general? but thats not something im gonna get to for awhile- like.. two weeks after i graduate im going on a out of country trip (its through girl scouts!) and so i wont be on my phone much... so i wanna get to a good place w/beta, and its just... this mess of me trying to organize everything so im in a good place to be offline for a Bit (+unproductive), so we'll see what i get done before then- maybe ill type up fits when im out of country, maybe ill do them before as filler before we advance with the plot! we'll see jesus fuck this was supposed to be about maki

mkay. yeah i like her fit! i like the new one wayyy more than her og fit, but i struggle a bit with her hair/eye color and making it fit with her look... ive lightened her hair so its not quite the neon yellow of canon, but i'm still toying with it! it'd prolly be good for me to be more adventurous with like... i dunno. i tend to use/reference hair and eye colors in character's fits, and i need to be more Okay with not doing that.

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

MAKI HAS A PLAYLIST. it hasn't been updated in forever but it exists. i deserve to bleed - sushi soucy. a vv commonly used song/prolly expected but it works very well for her. i feel like there's other songs that are like... on the tip of my tongue for her? but i cant think of any </3. sorry girlie...

#maki kiyoka #ask meme #'yomi this isnt accurate to the order i sent asks in maki shouldnt be first' shhh u dont see anything

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noecoded · 2 years

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serial killr grl …. ☆

#ILL BE UR VICTIM NUMBER ONE #SO PLEASE KISS MY LIPS AND KILLME QUICK #another one ill redraw in a couple months prolly 😖#obey me shall we date #asmodeus obey me #asmo #mine #fanart

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theje0ngs · 3 years

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JJH | 𝙋𝘼𝙐𝘽𝘼𝙔𝘼

PAUBAYA (n.): to entrust something to someone; to give something or someone away.

❝Ako yung nauna, I was your first, Pero siya ang wakas. But they will be your last.❞

PAIRING/CHARACTERS ▸ non-idol!jaehyun x pedia!reader

GENRE/CATEGORY ▸ angst, marriage!au, non-idol!au, songfic

WORD COUNT ▸ 4.2k [~15 mins]

CONTENT WARNINGS ▸ mentions injections/vaccinations, mentions death/minor character death, mentions pregnancy, profanity, jaehyun didn’t know he had a kid

GELA SAYS ▸ first and foremost, thank u so much @hwangful for sending me this amazing & sad prompt! idk if i’ve reached ur expectations bc tbh, i feel like i’ve rushed this- :/ but!! i hope you’ll like it

TAGLIST ▸ @woofie-nctzen-fanarts @bitchenderyy @ahtisa02 @chitaphrrrr @sakusakei-omi @guiltyversion @littlebambi1302 @ashkuuuu

Back in college, you hated Jeong Jaehyun.

You still remember the exact reason- no, reasons why you hated that man. Reason number one: Jaehyun bumped into you while you were walking in the hallway. He was chasing somebody and due to the strong impact, you fell on the floor and spilled the coffee that Doctor Park had asked you to buy for him. He didn’t look back, nor apologized for hurting you.

Number two: The time he accidentally hit your head with a basketball. You happened to be talking with one of his teammates, Johnny Suh when the ball flew right to your head. He blamed Mark for that, but you were a firm believer that he was the one who did it.

Number three: The time when you got paired up for a semestral worksheet. You tried to plead to your professor to change your partner, even tried to convince him that you’d do the worksheet alone but no really meant no for your professor. You had to sit next to class for the whole semester, he would annoy you with his corny, cringey jokes every morning before your lecture.

You had a list of reasons, even petty ones, why you hated that man, but you had only one reason why you fell in love with him.

During the university fall festival, you and Jaehyun became victims. The organization under the Department of Criminology had handcuffed the two of you for 4 hours. You were annoyed by the fact that Jaehyun almost went inside the restroom with you because he really needed to pee. Thank god he didn’t, thank god you were friends with one of the criminology students and had removed the cuff for a few minutes. After he finished inside the restroom, you were cuffed together again - it was the last hour and frankly, you were looking forward to finishing it.

He had pulled you to the Ferris Wheel line, explaining that riding it while the sun goes down would be an amazing experience. It was the time that you realized… he wasn’t as bad as you thought he was. It was the time you realized that you fell in love with this man. So suddenly that even you, yourself, weren’t expecting it.

“Look at the sun, Y/N-” Jaehyun excitedly said, pointing at the sky. His legs were bouncing like a kid who got ice cream.

“I think I’m in love with you.” You blurted out, “I- I mean, yeah. It’s beautiful! Super beautiful.”

You avoided Jaehyun for a whole month after that accidental confession.

And now, as you stare at the wedding picture sitting next to your laptop, the two of you have been together through ups and downs. Been together since university through Med School and Law School. Built dreams and achieved those together. You as a Doctor of Pediatrics, and Jaehyun, as a Lawyer and working under a known firm. Together for 8 years, married for two and living the life you have always wanted to.

Being a pediatrician wasn’t your original plan. To be a Cardiologist was your dream. But during your residency, you had one patient that caught your heart. She was a 4-year old girl who dreamed of being a doctor, but fate took away that chance when her parents found out that she was suffering from a terminal illness. She was under your care for months. You still remember the day she passed away so clearly. You were on graveyard shift and for the past 24 hours you have been walking around the hospital. Following the command of the senior residents, and the only hour you had a chance to nap, you heard a loud bawl, causing you to jolt up from the stretcher you were resting on.

It was the first time you cried over a patient inside the locker room that day and every time you pass by the room she used to stay at, you couldn’t help but wince.

But despite what happened, you learned how to love your job.

“Dr. Y/L/N? The patient is here.” The nurse peeked her head through the door, you nodded your head and put your phone away.

The patient enters with her mom, she was probably a little over 8 years old. “What can I do for you today?” You ask, grabbing a pen and started writing.

“We’re new in town, and unfortunately, our neighbor’s dog bit her this morning when we were out for a walk. The neighbor said that the dog is vaccinated with anti-rabies, but still, I want to be safe. Just in case.”

You gave her a warm smile, understanding that she didn’t want anything bad to happen to her daughter. As you get ready, the little girl seemed to be nervous. But as a pediatrician, you knew the drill. You were used to comforting your patients no matter what age they were. A smile appeared on your face when you heard the little girl tell her mom that she won’t cry because she’s a big girl, and that big girls don��t cry over a little needle. After giving her a shot, you grabbed a peach-flavored lollipop on the jar next to your computer. She smiles from ear to ear, revealing her deep set of dimples. What a beautiful kid.

After reminding her mom that Jaein needs to return three days later for another shot, you walk them out of your office. When you opened the door, you were surprised by your husband. Standing in front of the office with a bag of takeaways. Jaehyun’s smile fades when he sees your patient’s mom, his eyes widened.

“Nayoung?” “Jaehyun?” They said in sync.

“You two know each other? What a small world!”

Nayoung shyly nodded her head, “Yeah… we were friends in high school up until university.” She said, holding her daughter’s hand tightly. “Well, my daughter and I have to go. Dr. Y/N, thank you very much. We’ll see you in three days.”

A week has passed and Jaehyun felt uneasy inside his office.

He kept walking back and forth inside his office, he even discarded his tie as it felt suffocating for him. Since he saw his ex, who happens to be the parent of your patient, he was anxious. The last time he saw Nayoung was the year before you started dating, the year she left for Australia. It was 9 years ago and they lost contact with each other since then. The two had a clean breakup, no fights, no anger towards each other. The decision was mutual and Jaehyun was sure that there were no issues with each other.

But seeing her with a child made Jaehyun think twice. Did she cheat while they were still together? Most likely. Because that kid was almost 9 and she was as old as the last time he saw Nayoung. Jaehyun felt like he was going insane; most people would say forget about it, it’s all in the past but no, Nayoung was his first love, his first girlfriend and he needed answers. He grabbed his phone, opened his Instagram account and tried to find his ex lover’s account. In the span of 5 minutes, he found it.

[PHOTO] @nayoung.lee: Back in Korea! Jaein’s a little nervous but I’m glad she’s starting to love this place.

[PHOTO] @nayoung.lee: Can’t believe my baby’s 8 years old… it seems like yesterday, I was holding you in my arms like a small bean.

Fuck it. He thought, clicking the message button.

Jaehyun found himself in a park, at 8 o’ clock in the morning, Nayoung said it was closer to her job. He was still in shock that his ex-girlfriend replied to his message, even agreed to meet him personally. He sat on the bench, enjoying the fresh air and the amazing view of various flowers. He felt uneasy again, his leg was bouncing up and down as he waited for Nayoung. When he spots her walking towards his direction, he stands up.

“Why did you want to talk, Jaehyun?” Nayoung asked, sitting next to him.

“I- uh, nothing. I just wanted to catch up with you.”

Nayoung chuckles, she knew her like the back of her hand. His red ears screamed that he was nervous, flustered and lying. At first, they talked about their lives and the things that happened the past nine years. Jaehyun found out that Nayoung was an architect who moved to Korea from Australia for a major project by the company she was working at. Nayoung was stationed in Korea for a year and a few months. As they continue to talk about their lives, somehow, Nayoung convinced Jaehyun to tell her the truth on why he had asked her to meet up. Jaehyun was not able to answer at first, even tried to make up a terrible excuse but ended up confessing the truth.

“Your daughter, Jaein… is she-”

“She’s yours, Jaehyun.” She replied bluntly, looking at the sky, “I didn’t know I had her, to be honest. I was just randomly chilling with my friends at home when I felt a random, excruciatingly bad pain on my stomach. The next thing I was told by the doctor was, I had a cryptic pregnancy with Dahlia.”

“Dahlia?”

“Her real name is Lee Jaein, I call her Dahlia because it's her english name and it was the flower you gave me on our first date.” She explained, “I know you’re still in shock right now but… the reason why I hid her from you is because I didn’t know how to tell it to you, I didn’t want you to think that I cheated. Frankly, even before her I knew your plans about your future, your plans about law school. A responsibility like Dahlia could’ve been a huge distraction to your studies.”

Jaehyun shook his head in disbelief, all these years… he didn’t know he had a child. How was he supposed to tell you this? To his parents? To his in-laws?

“Nayoung, you should’ve at least told me! I had every right to know.”

“I was supposed to tell you, Jaehyun. Three years ago when Dahlia asked me about you- I wanted to contact you… my sister was the one who found your Instagram account but by the time I was ready to tell you, you posted a picture of your engagement with Dr. Y/N.” She said, “I was even shocked that the pedia at the nearby hospital was your wife… I saw the picture she kept by her computer.”

After explaining each other’s side, the two separated ways. Nayoung agreed for the two to have a scheduled DNA testing the following day, to make sure if Dahlia really was his. As he drove back home, thoughts clouded Jaehyun’s mind. How would you react? What would you say? Just as he stopped at the red light, he received a message from you.

loml ♡: hey handsome! got out of work a lil early today, i’m preparing dinner. could you grab some wine on your way home, please?

jaehyun: of course, love! i’m on my way back to the office. be home in a few hours.

He wasn’t able to work properly that day. His mind was elsewhere throughout the day. By the time everybody else was getting ready to go home, he decided to stay at his office for another hour. Not to work, but to practice what he will tell you later. He found it silly; he was a lawyer who fought big cases, a man who isn’t nervous when he’s in the court, a man who had a strong, intimidating image to his colleagues. But how come he’s nervous about what he was about to tell you? Damn it, Jaehyun. Get your shit together, man. He thought, grabbing his belongings and headed home.

Jaehyun could smell the aroma of the food you were making as soon as he opened the door of your apartment. He could hear Chet Baker playing in the background. The moment he placed the wine on the counter, he wraps his arms around you instinctively. You jumped by the sudden skinship, but immediately calmed down in his arms. He planted a kiss on the top of your head as he listened to you talk about how your day went.

”I have something important to tell you.” You both say in-sync, you let out a giggle, while Jaehyun was stunned.

“You go first, Jae. I’ve been talking about my day too much since you came home.” You said, pouring wine on his glass. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“What I’m about to tell you is pretty big, so.. I’m kind of hoping that you’ll react nicely.” He started, “Remember when I surprised you last week at the clinic? I met an old friend from university?”

“Oh, Ms. Nayoung Lee? Yeah, I remember her. Her daughter's on her next shot this week-”

“Jaein’s my daughter.” He cuts off, “N-nayoung is my ex-girlfriend, she’s the one before you… I just found out about Jaein’s existence today and we’re set to take a DNA test tomorrow.”

How does one react when a significant other tells them that they have a child… from another person and not them?

Because that’s exactly what’s happening right now.

Happy? Angry? Sad? How are you supposed to act after he told you that his ex - the one before you, told him that they have a child together? You sat across Jaehyun on the dining table, the platter of food you prepared the whole day was long forgotten at this point. Your mind couldn’t process what your husband just said; “S-say something, please.” He said, his voice so low, it was almost a whisper.

“You can’t just… you can’t do this to me, Jaehyun.” You say, biting your lip. “You can’t tell me news this big and expect me to react in a nice way.”

“Y/N, even if the test results come out and- and it turns out that I really am the father. It doesn’t change anything between us, I promise.”

Jaehyun tried to hold your hand, but you were fast enough to pull it away from him. You stood up and left the dining room, heading straight to the shared bedroom and locked yourself inside. You had every right to be upset, and Jaehyun would let you calm yourself down and he’s sure you’re willing to talk about this thing once you’re ready. He wouldn’t force you to talk about it.

On the other hand, you were under the covers, crying your eyes out. He was expecting you to react nicely. How would you react to something like that? You love kids, why would you be working for pediatrics if you didn’t? But you… you were told that your chances of getting pregnant was low. Despite that, you and Jaehyun never stopped trying, because it was part of your plan and dream together. A child of your own, a child with the DNA of you two.

Will those dreams come true, or will they remain as a dream?

Weeks have passed and it was confirmed that Jaehyun was the biological father of Jaein. The two started going out on father-daughter dates, getting to know each other as Jaehyun missed 9 years of his daughter's life. You and Jaehyun have talked about it a few days after a silent war between the two of you. On Jaein’s last anti-rabies shot, Jaehyun volunteered to take her to your clinic. He was comforting her throughout the process, which made you realize that he was a good father. It’s been only weeks since Jaein experienced a father figure in her life, but he immediately gained her trust.

When Nayoung had to return to Australia for a week due to an emergency at work, Jaein was staying at your place. It was okay, she didn’t have any family in the country but Jaehyun. The two spent the whole week out on dates again, while you distracted yourself at work. Though you felt like Jaein was aloof when it comes to you, you understood her. The little girl was too young to understand that her dad was married to another woman and not her mom. There were days that she may have stepped over the line by saying some hurtful words, but you try to be a good stepmom to her as much as possible, when Jaehyun’s not around and you were left with her at home, you try your best to let her know that she’s more than welcome to your home. You didn’t want her to feel like a stranger, even if the two of you are not blood-related.

Today, after volunteer work, you came home only to see Jaehyun and Jaein snuggled on the couch while the TV played Disney movies in the background. It was past 10 in the evening, an hour since Jaein’s bedtime. You put away your belongings and woke Jaehyun up, carefully as you didn’t want to wake his daughter.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice we fell asleep. Let me put her to bed and I’ll heat the food for you.” He said, gently replacing a throw pillow on Jaein’s head that was resting on his lap.

“No, no, it’s okay. I had dinner with some of my colleagues, go ahead, get ready to sleep. I’ll put her to bed.”

You scooped Jaein out of the couch with the help of your husband. As you placed her on the bed, you noticed the similarities of her face and Jaehyun’s. She had his dimples, pink lips and bushy brows. You couldn’t help but smile and feel a little sad at the same time. You dreamed of having a child with Jaehyun as well, part him, part you. Such a beautiful kid, you really look like your dad. You thought, brushing away the strands of hair that fell on her face. After tucking her to bed, you took a shower and sat down on the floor with a glass of wine in your hand. Jaehyun was busy replying to some emails from his clients and noticed that you were spacing out as you played with the hem of your shirt.

Jaehyun sighs, he was calling you five times already but you were ignoring him. He closed his laptop and sat on the floor with you, “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you these days?” He asked, taking your hand and intertwined it with his.

You shook your head, “No, I just- it's just work. Nothing special about it.” You said, removing your hand from his. You hated yourself for shutting people out whenever they’re trying to talk to you about your problems. You and Jaehyun have always promised each other to never keep secrets from each other, but this time you decided to keep something to yourself because you were scared of what he will say if he finds out about it.

Before Nayoung left Korea, she bumped into you at a diner near the venue of your volunteer workplace. You were on lunch break and so was her. She had asked you to eat lunch with her which you accepted. It was going on so well until;

“I have always wanted Jaein to meet Jaehyun, I wanted her to experience a complete family because I couldn’t experience it myself.” She chuckled, “If it weren’t for my sister who told me I was being ridiculous, I could’ve flown back here to stop your wedding because I knew deep down, I still love Jaehyun. Until now, actually.”

You were taken aback, “But… I couldn’t do anything to stop that wedding because I would’ve been the petty ex.” She added. “Thanks for giving him a chance to be a father to Jaein. Though I know that Jaein’s having a hard time accepting you as her stepmom. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

Suddenly, you realized, the quote ‘first love never dies’ might actually be true. You noticed it actually. The way Jaehyun would look at her whenever she picks up Jaein at your place. The same way Jaehyun would look at you at the beginning of your relationship. Heart eyes and ear-to-ear smiles.

You sighed, “Jae, I’m sorry.”

“Hmm? For what?”

“I know how badly you wanted to be a dad a-and I have a low chance of getting pregnant, and we’ve been trying so hard but still… nothing.” You mumbled, “Then Jaein came along and you just looked so happy around her. I- I don’t want to be a hindrance to your relationship with her and her mom.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jaein deserves a complete family. She’s… she’s too young to understand the concept of our family. They need you more than I need you.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

The sound of happy kids running around the campus and the blasting music reminds Jaehyun of the time you told him you fell in love with him at one fall festival a few years back. Oh memories… It’s been three years since you and Jaehyun parted ways. The first few months without you was hard, he was trying his best to be happy. While you volunteered to different organizations across the country. You learned to love yourself and moved on from everything that happened. Jaehyun had forgiven you, and you forgave him. Agreeing that everything was and should be in the past now.

He had lost contact with you. Though the two of you are still living in the same city, he barely saw you around. An epitome of the idiom ‘so near, yet so far’. You were either busy with work, or out of the country for a volunteer job. Jaehyun was peacefully chilling by the picnic tables, watching the kids run around when he got a glimpse of someone who looked just like you. He shook his head, thinking that maybe it was just an illusion.

“Y/N?”

You turn around, finding the familiar voice that called you. You felt the chills when you heard him. Standing tall and proud, Jeong Jaehyun. He looked different the last time you saw him. He became much manlier, much bulkier. The man you thought you were spending your lifetime with was standing in front of you once again, not in the altar this time. But in a school family event. It was so clear that Jaehyun was surprised to see you around.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

“Oh, I’m here for-”

“MOM! LOOK WHAT I GOT AT THAT SHOTGUN GAME! A WOOKIE STUFFED TOY!” A little boy excitedly said, jumping as he held the toy in his hands. “Can I play again? Is it okay?”

You nodded your head, “Go and have fun, Hyun. Be back in a few minutes, okay?”

The boy, who Jaehyun guessed was around 10 years old, nodded his head and ran back to his friends, leaving you and your ex-husband alone again. Jaehyun sat in front of you, a little confused about what just happened and was waiting for an explanation.

“You’re a mom now.”

“Yeah.” You smiled, “Taehyun’s my… he’s my son. I adopted him at the orphanage I volunteered for the year after we split up. He was 7 when I got him.”

Jaehyun looked through your eyes, like he always did because he believed that your eyes were very expressive. No remnants of sadness, but pure happiness. He could see it very clearly. You asked questions about his life, asking how Nayoung and Jaein were doing.

“Enough about me and Jaein. What about you? I noticed a ring on your finger, seems like there’s someone new?”

You chuckle, “I’m doing good actually, and yes. There is.” You answer, looking at the ring that rests on your finger. “He’s a doctor, we met during a hospital outreach program in Jeju.”

“Congratulations, Y/N. You deserve him.” Jaehyun smiled, “Since you’re both doctors- the wedding must be a huge one.”

“No, we’re keeping it simple. Only a few friends and family members. An intimate one.” You replied, “...we didn’t want to stress the baby and put them at risk.”

“Y-you’re pregnant... wow. Congratulations.”

“Mhm, three months now. Thank you.”

Jaehyun was about to reply when a man suddenly planted a kiss on top of your head and placed a bag of food on the table, “Hey, love. I’m sorry if I’m late, the line at the drive-thru was too long.” He said, “Oh, hello- Jaehyun, right? I’m Dr. Kim Doyoung, Y/N’s fiancé.”

The two men exchanged ‘nice to meet you’ to each other, and Jaehyun left soon enough after Taehyun returned. He looked back at you, you were smiling as your fiance tried to offer you a spoonful of strawberry cake. When you met his eyes, you waved him goodbye and mouthed ‘thank you’ before focusing on Doyoung and Taehyun again. Jaehyun smiled back. She’s happy and she deserves it, he thought.

“Dad, Mom got us some fruit!” He heard Jaein say.

You look at Jaehyun on the other end, he was smiling as he listened to Jaein. He’s happy and he deserves it. You thought.

Mahirap labanan ang tinadhana,

I can’t go against your destiny,

Pinapatawad,

But I forgive you,

Pinapalaya,

I’m setting you free,

Pinapaubaya ko na sa kanya.

I’m letting you go and entrusting everything to them.

DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE.

#kpopscape #cznnet #hotpinklists #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct imagines #nct 127 angst #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 smut #nct x you #nct x reader

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tuliptyper · 2 years

Note

HI SORRY FOR THE VAGUE REQUESTS BUT I WANNA HEAR ANY THOUGHTS U HAVE ON DOOMHEAD OR FOXY i enjoy them so badly 🙏 no pressure ofc pls take ur time mwah

YES OFC!! ANYTIME FOR U MOOT 🙏🧎

im sorry i only did doomhead bc i had more ideas for him and it looked weird to have like paragraphs abt DH and 4 sentences about foxy 😭😭 ill write a separate post about him if you want nws!!

rlly messy post, a mix of thoughts + headcanons with a LOT of projection (potentially ooc) proofread but still shitty

LONG POST!

TW for suggestive themes and angst i mean...this is doomhead we're talking about

- my backstory headcanons differ slightly from yours (please check out imeldas DH headcanons theyre great!);

- i think he came from a well-off family but was definitely abused and neglected. growing up in the time and place that he did, he had no support and was forced to take his future into his own hands. he probably ran away or estranged himself from his family as early as possible (possibly stealing a few stacks to keep him afloat)

- pre 31 he was most likely a petty criminal who got mixed up in some violence, possibly word got around and he was picked up by Father Murder (i imagine it the same way models are recruited on the street and thats funny)

- i agree that hes been in 31 since its conception, hes definitely the top dog, the most reliable and efficient Head out there. I'd like to think Father taught him a thing or two about hunting numbers down (and how to clean his messier kills) so younger/less experienced Heads definitely aim to be at least acknowledged by him

- i think doomie does many odd jobs just to pass time between 31 ; security at seedy bars, occasional plumbing/installation jobs etc. not only does it help with his small-time acting (being able to play and adapt to many roles) but it also allows him to slip into the background of the community. hes not too important but not too insignificant either

- i think the face paint and theatrics was his idea. i believe Father (and co) are just hardcore snuff/sadists and just wanted to see their victims in fear, but DH really took it upon himself to add character (and subsequently more fear) to his job! slay

- being involved with 31 and all, i think he has a few connections with organized criminals, especially considering he has to obtain fake IDs and alibis. hes grown quite friendly with a few respected mobsters and its rewarded him handsomely

- with all this said! i don't think hes some perfectly suave, totally composed Casanova, i believe hes really scared of feeling vulnerable and that makes it hard for him to form any relationships that arent superficial, simply because he doesnt know how to cope well with feeling exposed and emotional around others.

- i diagnose him with (gay) BPD and i think hes very insecure abt that fact. he was probably taught that his emotions were bad so he puts extensive effort into seeming composed and put together around people. one good thing about 31 is that its a space where his bizarre outbursts or even mania is not only accepted but embraced/rewarded so hes got that going for him i guess??

- i think, deep down, he'd really love a somewhat domestic relationship; having somebody at home to eat with, a partner he can rely on, to be cared for and care for someone else. hes a sap at heart, hes just very scared of showing it

- probably wouldn't want kids, even in an accidental knock-up, he'd slip his baby mama plenty of scratch and encourage her to find a man thatll support them. he can always be the distant but fatherly family friend but thats really it (UNLESS you're his s/o then thats a completely different story-)

- probably neurodivergent in some way, simply because i see him as incredibly observant, analytical and calculated when hes focused/interested, traits i typically see in other ND people lol

- my doomhead is definitely queer, he doesnt use labels but i see him spending time at drag shows (in the corner silently handing the queen a stack of cash LOL) at underground gay bars (and had a few fellas for company ykk😏) hes more than aware of the struggles of having no family to support you and needing to make ends meet no matter what (since hes been there himself) so he has respect for such folks

- hes SO committal, especially because he doesn't have many healthy long term relationships. hookups dont mean much to him and really just give him dopamine boosts during the lull of a lonely life (#bars). if you're his s/o, you're his life partner, he would kill and die for you 100%. even if you guys split he would probably just give up on relationships then and there (as sad as that sounds lmao)

- ik the movie is set in the 70s but in a modern setting, i think he'd listen to some quirky, creepy music. probably genres like glam rock and dark cabaret (think scissor sisters and the dresden dolls)

- on that topic!! some songs that remind me of him include

#doomhead <3 #rqs #slasher x reader #slasher community #slasher imagines #rob zombies 31 #31 #doomhead x reader

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soft-serve-soymilk · 2 years

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For Archus

16 - how good would they be at having to make up a fake name/backstory on the spot? would it be believable?

40 - a sound that can make them instantly freeze?

And from the soft oc asks: 6 - What calms they down most when they're anxious?

I feel like banging one of these out for once!!! So here we go I wanna detail my head child in full rather than snippets <3 @hungrydolphin91 i’m tagging you too bc i’m dragging you into this as well :>. You know you want to read it~

I have an obsession with making my children in picrews,, can you tell xD

This is Archie! Otherwise known as Archus Dandelion, he is on the older side of these head children at 19-years-old. He’s the older brother of Dism, and that is probably single-handedly the most important plot point in this entire goddamn canon please internalise that into ur little head <3. He is also a living, breathing cinnamon roll dressed with a thick layer of trauma and mental illness :>. In other words I adore him and would do anything for him. The series of unfortunate events goes as follows:

-His mom dies in childbirth -He contracts an autoimmune disease (myositis, my most beloved disease to study of all time) -His brother is kidnapped and he’s made to watch -Due to the aforementioned familial events,, any semblance of family stability and love has all but disappeared in his father’s depression (and hence alcoholism) -His life actually becomes better for a time as he runs away from it all. Except, no medical healthcare for said autoimmune disease and the fact he practically comes close to starving to death basically means he tempted fate -As a scapegoat, he gets whisked to Another World where he gets fused with these special lil creatures known as the spiriters in a bid to maybe Not Die -Following that, he is semi-unwittingly part of many science experiments until he becomes a full-grown adult with his own means of rebellion~! For all that, he is surprisingly put together on the surface. And yes, all of this was completely necessary to have the kind of character + development the story *ahem* needed :>. To elaborate on what his fusion actually entails, let me first explain what a spiriter is :3. Spiriters are creatures older than the first people of Oskopnir, born of the mana sea as it was touched by Ferelith’s and Joseph’s presence (remember that super long mega-dm I sent u Shadow? Yeah that one. read it again if u forget). Their purpose was originally to signal that a person needed “help”, like someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. However, as the wars went on and bitter malaise seemed to become more a common thing in Oskopnir, they became tainted with that emotion. And they begun to hunger for it. Lust for it, even. Modern-day incarnations of spiriters will damn well force their victims into uncomfortable outfits, or even turn them into eldtrich abominations to drive people into emotional disarray and generate that sweet sweet food. However, it is not always a parasitic symbiotic relationship with these guys-- quite often their mana is seen as a source of strength and pacts are quite common as the dark mage mercenary population grows in recent times. Factor in these two concepts and you kind of get the idea what being fused with these kind of thing is like. Archie has a mask he cannot take off for one, with a black hole that covers his eye like an empty mire,, like the number zero. Quite a sensitive spot to hit if u ask me, for a person with non-existent self-esteem. If you push his emotions off-kilter his form only becomes more monstrous to reflect this; all sorts of fangs and horns and bony shins will jut out, and parts of his skin will blacken. But he also has so much more magic potential than he could have normally,, at least until the spiriters decide they can poison his mind by downplaying it significantly :3 In terms of disposition, Archie is a sweet boi first and foremost. Easily on the list of Top 3 Most Compassionate ocs. Selfless most likely to a fault. He has no self-esteem to speak of. But he’s playful, whimsical even, and enjoys storytelling to the 3 kids he keeps as wards (to protect them from Mr Evil Scientist Man Erk).This, however, is also muddled with the fact he is so so so so stuck in the past, and in denial with where a lot of his life has ended up actually. And this, in turn, feeds into his deep-rooted envy problem he kiiiiiiiiiiiind of has with present-day Dism (which is also terribly misguided). However! He is also very proactive,, and a great political lobbyist with a healthy sense of justice, which is important as he spends a lot of his time advocating for the rights of the Lucid Dreamers :). And he is very street smart!! As well as creative :3 Really, he’s an inverse of his brother in thematics. Dism fears being alone (because he is “““““nothing”“““��) and Archie fears being nothing (because he is ““““alone”““““) Also, both the Dandelions are the most Romantic Saps ever. Seriously, ask Inigo and you’ll hear quite some sentimental sighing about the fact :) Ok time for questions i can’t choose!! 16 - how good would they be at having to make up a fake name/backstory on the spot? would it be believable? This is his speciality, actually. He is the number 1 master at bullshitting people, and this is one of the few areas he takes pride in :>. He finds it fun to flex his creative muscles, and it does a fair bit to light him up from his dysthymia :). Also he loves swishing around his long bishounen hair, and he actually grew it out for the very reason of using it to spin more believable yarns ^^. And he is so sincere during all of this too and you really can’t help but fall for the charms and find it the most convincing narrative you’ve ever heard :) 40 - a sound that can make them instantly freeze? *belts on top of lungs* ARCHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :0 PTSD-induced flashbacks from watching his brother be torn away from him will absolutely do well to fuck him over,, and you can probably tell who takes advantage of this at some point :)))))))) Pro tip: When u are in distress, refer to him by his proper name. Both of you will be thankful for it later (it helps him keep more calm under pressure, and Archie is a very panicky individual under duress) Soft oc asks: 6 - What calms they down most when they're anxious? Hearing someone’s voice :D. Keeps him from being trapped in his own mind so much, something he seems to have a nasty habit of. And it doesn’t feel as deliberate (and hence counterproductive) like drinking tea or breathing exercises do! If he has some time to prepare before an important event, a nice warm bath or hot spring trip will do well to flush his mind of worries, since heat is one of the few sensations he can still feel as he loses his grip on his humanity. So yeahhhh, 5673482328329329320 million years later and here’s an overview on my son!! I still feel I can’t do him justice in words :/ (this is really left better to Inigo). But!! I hope you enjoyed reading ^^

#my ocs #pav's ocs #not my most most beloved but still immensely fun! He has interesting dynamics and relationships with a lot of other people :>

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loverofallthingssmart · 3 years

Text

tagged by @dorky-little-hooman thanks luna !! ily and im sorry this took so long sdfgh <33

Playlist Tag Game:

rules: we’re snooping in your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs (including music-only stuff like OSTs as well as songs) and then choose 10 victims.

oh boy here we go....

1) tennis court - lorde

2) rich - megan thee stallion

3) before he cheats - carrie underwood

4) in the morning - itzy

5) primadonna - marina

6) akasaka sad - rina sawayama

7) nobody - mitski

8) hypnotize-instrumental - the notorious b.i.g

9) busy boy - chloe x halle

10) other side of hollywood - julie and the phantoms soundtrack

Get To Know Me

Why did you choose your url?

past me was a pretentious snob and was like oh haha youre an intellectual and you only engage with intellectual content so lover of all things smart is PERFECT and now i have too many links in my pinned to go back and fix if i change it so </3

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

yeah !! i have a sideblog for cql/mdzs @wenqingsgirlfriend thats active bc i didnt want to bother anyone with my cql posting <3 i still kind of post cql on main sometimes though

How long have you been on tumblr?

apparently since 2018 according to memories??? but ive only used it since june 2020

Do you have a queue tag?

yeah !! its "its queue and me forever" although ive stopped tagging my queue lmao

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i would search up " ____ tumblr posts" on google on my phone with random topics to pass time and after my friends talked about being gay with each other my (at the time, straight) self wanted to see if i would get 'gay tumblr' or 'straight tumblr' which to this day i have no clue what that means

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

got tired of the picrew icon and wanted something pink to go along with my what? 3rd pink theme so i scrolled through my pink tag and found the cat in front of the flowers and thought " this is PERFECT omg like" and so i changed it and i was right it WAS perfect <3

Why did you choose your header?

pretty pink flowers to match my whole pink theme (pretty much same story as the icon)

What’s your post with the most notes?

ugh this one which i cringe every time i see it in my activity its just. cringe like idk the fact thats its unided, lok, and was almost uncredited.... no thank you

How many people do you follow?

uhh 105 rn and idk if im gonna cleanse it or follow new people at the moment but that number might change

Have you ever made a shitpost?

yes???? no??? what qualifies as a shitpost?? im sure i have, it just didnt blown up so i forgot it or something

How often do you use tumblr?

all the time bestie im here all the time its an illness (less time now though since my electronics are gone for the most part DFGKJH)

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

hmm. i dont think so? im normally a stew in silence and maybe rant to a few people kind of person when i get mad/annoyed at a blog but i dont think ive gotten into a fight publicly ghjksfh... i should change that <3

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

theyre just so UGH. i almost ALWAYS scroll down bc i feel burdened by it and if i rb it then others will too and i just sideeye the people who put those kinds of posts on my dash (i unfollow if theyre not a mutual actually)

Do you like tag games?

YEA !! although sometimes i dont do them bc one i forget or two im feeling lazy fghj although feel free to keep tagging me i love them <3

Do you like ask games?

yeah !!!! i dont get that many asks but i LOVE ask games omg

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope !! (i mean.. if anyone is volunteering..... 👀 DFGTHYUIKJ)

Phone Photo Meme Game

rules: choose one picture from ur camera roll without downloading to sum up your personality and then tag 5 ppl

[id: a screencap of a-yuan from the show, "the untamed". he stares offscreen with a distressed and disappointed expression, his arm raised as if he was going to show something. /end id]

im upbeat and cool and positive and then you get to know me </3

no pressure tags! uh @silver-snow @n1ghtangel@panini-the-bird-killer@doingwonderfully and @cxntofgnc <3

#please make your own post and dont rb with your edition my notifs were screwed after the last one fghj #anyway #DFGH the caption is slighly self depreceating but dw i think im lowkey kind of swell to be around :]#at least i hope so #my post #tag game

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flowerslightning · 4 years

Text

Have you heard about PFA and MFA?

or the full name is ‘Psychological First Aid’ (PFA) and ‘Mental Health First Aid’ (MFA)

Can we relate it with Cloud Strife? As we all know, Cloud had mental illness and was struggling alone. Let’s take a quick look on this topic then and see if characters in FF7 ever give PFA/MFA to Cloud or to each other. This is going to be a looooong post although I tried to simplified it, so, yeah. Good luck reading this !

Disclaimer : I’m not a psychologist. I’m still a student and psych is not my major field. During my intern, other than we got exposed a lot about psychiatric disorders and ways to deal with them, we also got trained psychological first aid in emergency department. If it wasnt because of this quarantine, i would have finished my training in emergency field. There might be false interpretation here or there, forgive me for that and pls correct any mistake in this post

This will probably trigger LTD. Sorry, but I had to, Pls read this post with open mind. Keep in mind I like both Tifa and Aerith, i have no grudges agaisnt Barret, Vincent, Nanaki or Cid so I am not being bias with any of them. I forgot a lot of stuff in OG (I played it when I was really really small), so I will be using lots FF7R and AC references here (and a bit from OG, depends whatever I remember)

Good to go? Allow me to rant. Read it slowly and if u skip some of it, u’ll probably mislead my actual words, and u’ll be triggered af. Don’t come at me with madness if u dont read the whole post properly

What is PFA and MFA? Generally speaking, if Basic First Aid is about covering the wound to prevent further bleeding, then PFA (Psychological First Aid) and MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is like applying a bandage on ur mental to avoid u continue being distress.

Usually, PFA is often associated with disaster event or terrorism, where large number of people got affected. Meanwhile, MFA focus in one person who is developing mental health prob or already in mental crisis due to certain traumas, such as vehicle accident, house burned and etc

Pls note that, certain people NEED MFA while the others may NOT NEED it. It is important to respect their needs/wants. Some victims may refuse verbally but they ACTUALLY NEED it (CLOUD STRIFE) and maybe some victims look like they dont need it, but they want it, and its super fine to give it

PFA/MFA not only done by the professionals and it is not a professional counselling, although necessarily training is needed if u want to approach deeper in this field. PFA/MFA is also not a psychological ‘debriefing’ - in which MFA/PFA doesnt need to involve a detailed discussion of the trauma event with the victim, but instead, it is an alternative way to psychological debriefing that helps for long-term recovery. (unless if ure a pscyhiatrist, then u have to forget about MFA and ask detailed questions regarding the events to help the patient to recover)

MFA and PFA both almost the same, but I will mention more about MFA here.

MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is not just about comforting “Oh, are u alright. I’m sorry for what u’ve been through”, but it is also about assessing their needs and concerns, protecting them from harm, provide practical support and support them feeling able to help themselves and others.

The main key for these two term is RESPECT - respect victim’s dignity, respect both parties safety and respect victim’s rights to make decision. Even without the PFA, we should respect these three in whatever circumstance we are in.

A lot of us honestly were born with natural skill of MFA bcause of our own empathy, instinct or experiences and some got trained professionally. Some of them already had MFA due to high common senses they have.

Some of the Do’s and Dont’s when giving MFA include;

Do’s : 1. Be trustworthy | 2. Respect their decision | 3. Be aware of and set aside ur bias | 4. Make it clear to them u are available for help even they push u away | 5. Respect their privacy and personal space | 6. Do remain calm and soft when the person in distress | 7. Listen and don’t interrupt their talking | 8. Help in terms of basic needs | 9. Create connection the person with others | 10. Give hope to them | 11. Provide private place to talk about the event | 12. Respect their strenght | 13. Advice small necessary matters or give simple words of encouragement | 14. Acknowledge positive features of what victims have done

To simplify, there are 3 ways for MFA to begin, and I will only talk about one of them, the one that is the hardest to do, that is when u notice someone looks distressed and ure concern about them, and leading u to approach them first without them noticing ur concern. [Am I putting the right words here?]

In Cloud’s case, who do u think the first noticed Cloud behaved oddly and went to help him first ? - yeah Tifa. U probably would say “OFC she went to help him, she met him first at the train station. That guy looked sick af, who wouldnt ask if he was alright. If Aerith/Yuffie/Jessie met him first, they would do the same”. Okay guys, that was not my point.

Let’s focus one by one characters and see what Do’s and Dont’s MFA (Mental Health First Aid) they’ve done to Cloud and other charas. Keep in mind, none of them know what Cloud had gone through, but Cloud had showed some obvious sign he was unwell and only a few of them noticed that and took action for it.

The symbol [X] means the Dont’s in MFA and ( ✔) means the Do’s in MFA.

Biggs Jessie Wedge -

I know there’s a thing about man helping man’s psychology and Jessie being flirty with a guy.They [X] thought Cloud was like how they saw Cloud. and they considered it as normal. They didnt see Cloud under distress so they dont have the need to concern his mental status. The good thing about them was, the three of them (✔) respect Cloud’s strenght, giving Cloud the confident to be in action. But, Jessie [X] had zero respect on Cloud’s personal space

I wanna highlight about Biggs. Biggs had an attitude of overthinking stuff, but it wasnt so bad that would cause him harm, he just cared too much about his friends. So I believe Biggs was the type that would notice immediately when his friend being strange and would give MFA (Mental Health First Aid) with his own instinct even without the person asking it.

During the Sector 7 Plate attack, where Biggs was severely injured, when Cloud said he was not a fan of kids and Biggs said Cloud had so much in common (in common of what? Cloud with the kids or Cloud with him?), Cloud gave him ‘a sad look’ and Biggs reached out his hand to Cloud’s head. Biggs (✔) remain calm and soft when dealing with Cloud’s feeling (who faced traumatic event but Biggs didnt know about it) on that moment despite his current physical status. And also he (✔) wished goodluck to Cloud, leading to prevention distress on Cloud

Marle -

Marle [X] judged Cloud for someone who had no skills, but she entrusted Cloud to take care of Tifa’s well being. Not knowing who Cloud was, Marle noticed Cloud looked glum, she (✔) offered her ear for Cloud to rant and knew right away he was not having enough sleep, then (✔) advising him to sleep more . Lol, she was [X] biased with Cloud and Tifa. Not her fault, she only knew Tifa’s story, not Cloud’s. After the Sector 7 plate fall, we saw her being the most active member to help with the remaining citizens there. Marle without a doubt had given the citizens there PFA (Psychological First Aid) , by helping them with their (✔) basic needs, (✔) create connections, (✔) put away bias, (✔) remain calm and soft.

Barret Wallace -

Barret was the same like Biggs Jessie Wedge. I’m sure Barret thought Cloud was just fine. Barret saw Cloud as a mercenary with stinky attitude,[X] judging him like that causing Barret to gave him the same attitude too. But overall, he (✔) respected Cloud’s strength a lot

However, after the Sector 7 plate fall, Tifa and Barret were the one that hurt (mentally) the most, Tifa as usual locking her emotions, there we could see how Barret comforting Tifa by (✔) giving words of encouragement and proceed on (✔) hugging her to show his empathy. Barret also (✔) remain calm and soft spoken when talking to the survival victims of Sector 7 citizens. He also (✔) acknowledged what the citizens had done to survive

Vincent Valentine -

Don’t be surprise Vincent was listed here. This guy here was like another version of Cloud but more mature. In addiction, they both kinda share the same pain. So, I personally think Vincent understands Cloud pretty well. In AC, where Cloud was mentally ill, Vincent saved Cloud from Kadaj and brothers and (✔) took him to safer place. That was a common thing to do. But let’s go deeper, Cloud never told him about himself, but Vincent already (✔) aware of Cloud’s trouble with the geostigma stuff and Cloud’s current mental status. Vincent, (✔) calm and soft like always (✔) didnt hesitate to asked if all of these were just about ‘fighting’ and it made Cloud to ‘re-think’ further about his problem. He (✔) didnt pressure Cloud here, instead he was (✔) helping Cloud to understand the condition he was facing, and this lead Cloud to avoid distress.

Aerith Gainsborough -

I know Aerith was special. She was an important character and devs created her to be ‘loved’ by the fans so that her death would be tragic. Aerith did almost all the things that shouldnt be done when giving MFA to mentally ill person. Some of u may say “Duh, Aerith didnt know anything about Cloud thus she had no intentions of giving him MFA”. Yup, ure right. Aerith didnt know about Cloud’s mental status but so as all the other characters in the series.

Aerith was [X] being pushy with Cloud, in lots of ways, from making him as a bodyguard for free to forcing him to wear a dress. She [X] forced Cloud to accept her idea about meeting Andrea, dance and gown. She also [X] forced Cloud to help picking the flowers. Aerith [X] didn’t let Cloud to have his own decision [X] neither giving him a chance to talk, and [X] abandon his feelings (cough..uhm, Aerith resolution). She also had [X] no respect on Cloud’s personal space and [X] too much touching and leaning to him. Aerith also [X] put herself in danger and that worried Cloud. She [X] looked down on Cloud in someways too

However, at the Sector 5 slum, where the hooded man appeared, Aerith noticed Cloud was having trouble with himself, she (✔) encouraged Cloud to keep himself together. Also, throughout the entire game, Aerith always remind the team to (✔) have hope in everything. Her positive vibrant attitude was what (✔) made everyone able to believe in themselves. She also (✔) ensure Marlene’s safety and protected her. She was able to (✔) remain soft and calm when approaching Marlene. Remember Betty? Aerith took her time to helped her out and she even (✔) respected the little girl’s strength, (✔)slow and steady when saving her and (✔)soft spoken

Tifa Lockhart -

Tifa met Cloud at the train station, saw him being ‘not-so-fine’ state despite Cloud claiming he was completely okay. Tifa didn’t know what Cloud had gone through and she (✔) didn’t pressure him to talk about it. She even helped him to (✔) find a place to sleep even when Cloud never asked for it. Tifa unconsciously was the first person to give Cloud MFA without knowing what Cloud had faced previously. And Cloud, on that moment, he really needed a help. Tifa also (✔) stated that if Cloud need anything, she would help him with it

Tifa (✔) remain calm everytime Cloud had sudden headache, she didn’t leave him alone and (✔) didnt put any pressure on him by asking question. During the (✔) Alone At Last, they had privacy Tifa asked about what happened after he left Nibelheim. She (✔) listened and didnt interrupt him, (✔) neither pushing him to talk more. Moreover, Tifa (✔) put a distance with Cloud, dunno if she was the one who was being uncomfortable or she actually (✔) respect Cloud’s personal space and privacy. Tifa (✔) didn’t force him to stay at Midgar, she asked him and was glad Cloud would stay for a while. Tifa was no doubt (✔) respect all Cloud’s decisions too. Also, don’t forget, Tifa also helped Cloud to help (✔) make ‘close connection’ with the Avalanche members and people in Sector 7 slums. She also (✔) didn’t do much touching with Cloud (Well, I mean, she didnt touch him in clingy way)

In AC, Tifa (✔) encouraged Cloud to have hope for Geostigma and the family

Tifa did [X] put herself in danger by becoming Corneos bride participant and that gave Cloud trouble (but Tifa ensured him she would be fine on her own previously) And btw, in OG, I read about the fans questioning why Tifa [X] didnt tell Cloud the truth. I would like to argue this matter. TIFA IS A CHARACTER WITH REAL HUMAN FLAWS, she too had her own traumatic event and was not really sure of herself on what to do. However, considering what Tifa had done for him, Tifa had helped with Cloud’s psychology the most.

I know Cloud was putting up a font, and that made him to have condescending attitude, and people couldnt see what Cloud was hiding behind the the bravery face. However, all of us as fans acknowledged the pain Cloud was suffering in the entire FF7 story. Some of the characters like Tifa, Marle, Vincent, Biggs noticed it and they took actions for it, while others, I do personally thing, they were hurting the Real Cloud’s mentality more.

Long story short, Tifa was the one who gave mental health support the most to Cloud, followed by Vincent (AC), Biggs and Marle. Aerith did the worst with Real Cloud's mentality + she then died, mking Cloud be more miserable,

However, Aerith actually had the best way to give MFA/PFA to children, but maybe the worst to Cloud. While Tifa gave the best MFA to Cloud which helped him to get himself together through out the entire time

Alright thats the end of my talk. Thank you for being with meee

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #cloud strife #character analysis #final fantasy theory #advent children

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ge · 4 years

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pet peeves on how madam lan is portrayed in fandom? whats ur ideal characterisation of her/ her story?

biggest number one pet peeve is when ppl portray qingheng jun as the victim and/or hve madam lan fall in love with him and their romance is jst another tortured angsty love story as if qhj literally didnt force her to marry him rape her then imprison her against her will and left her to rot for dead as he wallowed and pitied himself to the point he let himself burn to death in a fire like a little bitch... whnvr i find a rare madam lan lives fic theres ALWAYS a line where she says smth stupid like ‘maybe he rlly is a good guy but we are destined to be apart forever and i will nvr know the touch of a man outside of the rare moments he sneaks away from his self inflicted imprisonment to hold me’ LIKE R YALL DUMB? R YALL STUPID.? it makes me SICK it makes me ILL it has gotten to the point i cant read anymore fics w madam lan in it cuz yall clowns r always doing this shit....

as forrr ideal characterization of herr... i think it varies from person to person (NOT countng qhj apologists i dont give a shit abt yalls characterization of her) and i think my characterization of her contains a lot of my own self projected feelings so i dont think ill go too in depth abt my own characterization of her ubt as for my ideal STORY for her.. i simply think instead of dying from what was prbly a curable disease, fuck qhj AND lqr for that, she escapes and either does or doesnt take lwj and lxc w her (bc as much as i love the idea of lwj and lxc becoming rouge cultivators w their mama i also like the idea of them thinking she died [courtesy of lqr again] but finding out shes alive and well and making a name for herself some place far faar away from gusulan)

#ask to tagggg umm #actually i think if u jst look up madam lan on my blog u can see more of wat i think of her that i didnt mention here

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globalworship · 5 years

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Prayers during an Epidemic

1. A Prayer for the Global Health Crisis MARCH 4, 2020, by my friend Dr. Carlos Colón https://carloscoloncomposer.com/2020/03/04/a-prayer-for-the-global-health-crisis/

God is our refuge and strength; A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

Our God who is with us, Emmanuel, we come to you asking you for your assistance, and to lend your ear in this time of distress.

Hear, our prayer O Lord.

As you lifted once a paralyzed man from his bed, we ask you to come and visit us, and raise our bodies and spirits.

Hear, our prayer O Lord.

Grant to us the gift of your Holy Spirit, that our bodies and souls may be protected from infirmity.

Lord, Have mercy.

And we pray for those who are now suffering from this disease: we beseech you, O Lord, to visit them, encourage them, and heal them according to your great lovingkindness.

Lord, Have mercy.

As you once listened to the cry of the Canaanite woman, we beseech you to hear our voice, for every country hit hard by this disease, and specially: China, Iran, Italy, South Korea, and many other places in Asia, Africa, Europe, and the Americas.

Lord, Have mercy.

And we pray Lord for the families, friends, and medical personnel who care for the sick, and for those who are being monitored.

Be their Rock of Ages.

Please bless all scientists, researchers, public health officials and governments who seek and prescribe treatments, and for those who are working toward a vaccine.

Be their wisdom!

And for all of us, Lord, guide us so that this may be a time of reflection and good will to work to eradicate the diseases that threaten our bodies, and the hate that threatens our souls.

Lord, Have mercy.

O God our help in ages past, the God who heals and comforts; our Maker, and the Maker of wonders; the one who alone is worthy to be praised: incline your ear to us, and grant, in your mercy, the prayers of your people.

Amen.

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2. Love Thy Sick Neighbor: A Liturgy in Times of the Coronavirus by Kayla Craig, March 4, 2020 https://www.redletterchristians.org/love-thy-sick-neighbor-a-liturgy-in-times-of-the-coronavirus/

[See link above for an introduction]

Forgive us

As we have feared others,

And in doing so

Have contaminated our hearts.

Forgive us

As we have hoarded our resources,

And in doing so

Have abandoned our witness.

Forgive us

As we have desired control,

And in doing so

Have not loved our neighbor.

Comfort the afflicted among us.

In their loneliness, provide care.

In their sickness, provide health.

In their weariness, provide rest.

We grieve the contagious fear that we consume and spread.

Soothe our anxious minds as we read viral headlines.

And protect those who have been victims of racism and fear-mongering

Because of our dread of the unknown.

Protect us from the evil one

Who aims to use each update, not to inform or guide,

But to stoke the flames of chaos and confusion.

We thank you for health care workers

Who care for the sick and tend to bodies and souls

With great compassion and commitment.

Give them stamina.

Give them wisdom.

Give them grace.

We pray for those who lack access to health care,

Or safe places to rest their heads.

We pray for the vulnerable:

The sick,

The disabled,

The elderly,

The uninsured.

For the Kingdom is theirs.

We pray for the mother working paycheck to paycheck,

Who worries about her children and the job she can’t afford

To take time off from.

For she reflects Your image.

We pray for the chronically ill fighting invisible battles,

Hour by hour, day by day.

Nourish their bodies;

Protect their souls.

For they are never out of your sight.

We lament our roles in an empire

That values profit over human life

And takes advantage of our anxious spirits.

We acknowledge that we are not immune to the human condition,

And we repent from ways we have benefited

From dehumanizing systems and structures.

We ask for your Holy guidance

As we journey into the unknown.

Ignite in us a spirit of generosity;

Of hope and mercy;

Of grace and truth;

Of gentleness and self-control.

Cleanse our spirits,

Comfort our minds,

Care for our bodies,

And make us new.

We give thanks that you lavish your grace onto us,

Not pushing us into shame, but providing a steadfast comfort.

When all else falls away, we turn to You and You alone.

We pray this in the name of Jesus

Who healed the sick

And sat with the poor.

Amen.

+++

3. A Coronavirus Prayer Amid an Epidemic by Kerry Weber, March 02, 2020 https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2020/03/02/coronavirus-prayer

Jesus Christ, you traveled through towns and villages “curing every disease and illness.” At your command, the sick were made well. Come to our aid now, in the midst of the global spread of the coronavirus, that we may experience your healing love.

Heal those who are sick with the virus. May they regain their strength and health through quality medical care.

Heal us from our fear, which prevents nations from working together and neighbors from helping one another.

Heal us from our pride, which can make us claim invulnerability to a disease that knows no borders

Jesus Christ, healer of all, stay by our side in this time of uncertainty and sorrow.

Be with those who have died from the virus. May they be at rest with you in your eternal peace.

Be with the families of those who are sick or have died. As they worry and grieve, defend them from illness and despair. May they know your peace.

Be with the doctors, nurses, researchers and all medical professionals who seek to heal and help those affected and who put themselves at risk in the process. May they know your protection and peace.

Be with the leaders of all nations. Give them the foresight to act with charity and true concern for the well-being of the people they are meant to serve. Give them the wisdom to invest in long-term solutions that will help prepare for or prevent future outbreaks. May they know your peace, as they work together to achieve it on earth.

Whether we are home or abroad, surrounded by many people suffering from this illness or only a few, Jesus Christ, stay with us as we endure and mourn, persist and prepare. In place of our anxiety, give us your peace.

Jesus Christ, heal us.

Printable version of the prayer above at https://www.americamagazine.org/sites/default/files/attachments/Coronavirus%20%281%29.pdf

4. Lord, Make Me An Insstrument (adapted for this health crisis) https://globalworship.tumblr.com/post/612394111416320000/lord-make-me-an-instrument-adapted-for-global

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Remember Who We Are

In uncertain times like these, it’s easy to lose our bearings and focus on stocking the freezer or finding the last remaining N95 masks from a cousin of an uncle of a friend in Turkey who can get you a special delivery at an unbeatable price. Yet church history reminds us of the countercultural posture of our spiritual ancestors during times of great affliction.

In 252 A.D., a devastating plague hit the ancient North African coastal city of Carthage. Healthy people fled in droves, leaving everything behind. In response, Carthaginian Bishop Cyprian drew all the Christians into the center of the very city where they had been persecuted and told them, “If we’re going to do what Jesus did, so that through His poverty we might become rich, I call you to give personal and financial aid, care and comfort to all according to their need, not their faith.”

This unconventional posture clearly differentiated these early Christians from the society that surrounded them and contributed significantly to the perpetuation of the Christian faith.

About a century and a half later, the ancient Mediterranean city of Caesarea had already been suffering the effects of famine and war when the plague struck. As citizens began fleeing the city, one group determined to remain: the Christians. As Bishop Eusebius reported, “All day long [the Christians] tended to the dying and to their burial, countless numbers with no one to care for them. Others gathered together from all parts of the city a multitude of those withered from famine and distributed bread to them all.”

Eusebius goes on to state that because of their compassion in the midst of the plague, the Christians’ “deeds were on everyone’s lips, and they glorified the God of the Christians.”

While we face uncertain days ahead, let every Spirit-filled heart remain open and, “let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9.

Please join me in praying for the safety and health of our community and that our church can showcase the hope of Christ during this time.

Following a Faithful God, Pastor John Lindow at Arbor Heights Community Church in West Seattle. (March 2020)

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See a new hymn text dor this time of healh crisis at https://globalworship.tumblr.com/post/612213497111166976/a-new-hymn-prayer-in-response-to-coronavirus-cw

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A woman wearing a mask prays during Ash Wednesday Mass at St. Joseph Cathedral in Hanoi, Vietnam, Feb. 26, 2020, amid the coronavirus outbreak. (CNS photo/Kham, Reuters)

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murasakiyuzu · 6 years

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List your top 5 Anime Characters, then tag 10 people

thanks for tagging me @glassmoonfortuneteller! sorry it took be a while to do this lmao -w-

in no particular order bc that would kill me:

1. Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu!!)

i love every single character in this heckin anime, but oikawa rly messes up w all my feelings. im too weak for characters w gap moe, even if its the ‘looks very nice, is actually a bit of a demon’ kind and not the other way around, lmao. the thing abt oikawa is that he twists in and out of himself; he is handsome, charismatic and endearing at first glance, but hes also cunning and easily overcome by feelings of jealousy, inferiority and egoism. even so, hes an observant and hardworking leader who places his strength on the strength of his team as a whole, never thinking himself higher than his teammates. oikawa looks like he got everything easily, looks like hes a genius, but everything he has he worked very hard for. oikawa built himself to be a winner but never got the victory he wanted the most. nothing w oikawa is as it looks, and that why i cant help but love him.

2. Noiz (DRAMAtical Murder)

u knew he was going to be here, its gotta count for something that i, at least, didnt put him on number 1 too lmAO

just like oikawa, i fell victim to noizs gap moe as well. i mean, u give me a delinquent in weird clothes whos rude to everyone, pushy and even violent, and then turns out hes like a little kid at heart who buys foods without knowing their names, who doesnt know when to stop fighting bc he doesnt feel pain and no one ever cared abt his safety and thinks hes a monster bc of his insensitivity and silently suffers bc of it, ofc im gonna lay down my life for him. im gonna die for noiz ya hear me

theres not many scenes in anything that fucks me up more than the scene (that didnt make into the anime, sob) where he fights w aoba as theyre hiding in the oval tower, and then he tells aoba abt his insensitivity to pain and aoba pulls him down to him and tells noiz the world isnt as bad as he thinks and makes noiz slowly open up to him and learn from aoba how is it like to care abt someone else. its beautiful to see him, whos so young but is both hardened by the ugliness of the world hes seen and ignorant to the good things the world still has to offer, finally open himself up and make the first steps towards growth, and meaning to grow beside the one he fell in love with. im soft. my heart was found full of love.

3. Olivier Mira Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

ive been in love w this woman since i first read the manga and when i watched the anime i died, thats the story

just like haikyuu!!, i love every single character in this anime, like, im physically Incapable of hating any of them. but olivier stands out for me. i think theres people who prolly had a bad impression from her as she antagonized ed and al right when she showed up, but young me was in awe of her attitude and her strong resolve in seeing for herself what ed and al were worth. shes known as ‘the ice queen of briggs’ and she leads her men with an iron fist, but its also clear that shes fair and values the life of every one of her subordinates, like when buccaneer and the others were late in coming back to the surface after their rescue mission and thought they would be left for dead, only to find that olivier had subtly made sure they would be received any time they came back.

her confidence in her own judgement, how she dealt w miles’ conflict as an amestris soldier and part ishvallan and the way she doesnt rly give a fuck abt whats lawful and correct and goes through with the things she herself considers right, are all things i love so much abt her. when i was a kid i even tried to get my hair to be like hers LMAO

tldr; queen of my life

4. Kinomoto Sakura (Cardcaptor Sakura)

cardcaptor sakura was my first true anime. i did watch saint seiya and naruto on tv around that time as well, but cardcaptor sakura was the first one i actually watched in full and then rewatched again and again and obsessed over, lmao.

i was rly, rly young then. not a baby anymore, def; i was about 10-12? it was an age at which i was building my own personality. honestly, at that point in time i think i was already kinda Messed Up, lmao; id get on Moods and be rly depressed and then super cranky, and i was always socially awkward. sakura made a huge impression on me; it just seemed like her attitude made everything better. she talked to everyone and had lots of friends and it seemed like she had a lot of fun like that. i tried to be more cheerful like that (i wanted roller blades too but i dont live in a place where i can use it a lot, and my parents never bought it for me lmao), and while i never got the hang of being super bright to Everyone and im still kind of moody, i think she rly taught me to be lighter and not take myself too seriously, to always try to see the bright side of things and believe that everything will be alright.

5. Nino (ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka)

thats not an anime a lot of people watched, i think, and on that note, if @ u all didnt watch it, GO WATCH ACCA ITS SO GOOD UR LOSING OUT???, so theres prolly not a lot of people who would put nino in their top 5 favorite characters lmao

but hes absolutely worthy of it. its fascinating to see the mystery of his identity and actions throughout the anime slowly unravel itself. i even wrote a oneshot that delved into what he was doing and what he was thinking as the events of the show progressed, trying to fill the blanks that the canon didnt show. ill try not to be spoilery w this one bc i want u all to find out for urselves, but i love ninos intelligence, his attitude and his strong loyalty, and in that loyalty, the conflict he feels between his duty and his desire. the episode that shows his past is one of my favorites bc its so heartrending. i love how naturally he fits in with jean and lotta and how the three of them look like a family. anyway, watch acca and love nino w me ♡

I’m tagging @lithuanina, @satyr-syd, @realm-of-spells, and thats it bc im not in contact w a lot of people and tumblr is apparently not letting me tag some others either lmao rip

#feel free to ignore -v-#mumbling yuzu

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valentinahart · 6 years

Photo

M at Trevor Live 2012 [x]

She wasn't sitting with the Glee table or with D (12/2/2012 - Same night as the handshake pic.) She’s sitting with publicist Cade H*dson - who was recently exposed as a creeper.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/03/article-2242143-16530F2E000005DC-131_634x816.jpg

CAA agent accused of offering sex in exchange for access to directors and a Hollywood star

Dec 9, 2017

As more talent agencies find themselves drawn into the wave of Hollywood sex scandals, a prominent agent at Creative Artists Agency is facing accusations that he offered an actor sex in exchange for access to directors and a movie star.

The agent, Cade H*dson, made the offers in 2013, according to text messages reviewed by The Times, as well as interviews with the recipient of the messages, actor Sean Rose. The texts show that H*dson offered to perform oral sex on Rose and solicited the actor for as much as $1,000, even though he was told the actor was heterosexual.

Rose said he declined the offers and was "embarrassed and humiliated."

But he said he felt powerless to speak out and feared that doing so would result in professional reprisals. "Because he knew so many people in the industry, I felt there wasn't anything I could do about it," the actor said.

At the time of the incident, H*dson was a publicist at Full Picture, a marketing and brand management firm that has clients in fashion, entertainment and other fields. About a year later, he moved to CAA, where he is an agent for commercial endorsements. He has developed close relationships with numerous celebrities — including pop singer Britney Spears, one of the agency's most valued clients — and has served as CAA's public face at red-carpet and charity events.

In a statement released by his attorney, H*dson, 30, didn't directly address the text messages but said he is gay and was single at the time. He said he met Rose at his tailor several years ago and not as a result of his employment in the entertainment industry.

"After being my friend on social media for seven years, and liking my posts, Sean is now accusing me of soliciting a sex act from him," he stated. "My recollection is that he laughed it off and remained my friend on social media."

He added: "I have the utmost sympathy for victims of harassment and abuse, but this is no such case."

CAA said in a statement: "Cade was not employed at CAA at the time, and this is the first we are hearing of these accusations. We take allegations of misconduct seriously, and investigate them as appropriate."

Jed Ferdinand, an attorney for Full Picture, confirmed that Hudson worked for Full Picture for about five years and left in January 2014. The attorney said Full Picture has no comment about the accusations.

The claims against H*dson come amid a barrage of sex-related scandals that have overtaken the entertainment industry. William Morris Endeavor recently demoted and suspended Adam Venit, the head of its motion picture group, after former NFL player and actor Terry Crews accused the agent of groping his genitals.

Tyler Grasham, who worked for the Agency for the Performing Arts, was fired in October. He has been accused by multiple men of sexual harassment and assault.

Agents wield tremendous power by serving as the primary gatekeepers for Hollywood talent. But the Harvey Weinstein scandal has raised questions about whether they did enough to prevent sexual harassment in the industry.

The New York Times reported Tuesday that several CAA agents knew about Weinstein's misconduct but still sent actresses to meet him. The agency — which represents many of Hollywood's biggest stars — issued a statement saying, "we apologize to any person the agency let down for not meeting the high expectations we place on ourselves, as individuals and as a company."

Sexual misconduct allegations usually pit one party's word against the other's, but the accusations against CAA's H*dson revolve almost entirely around text messages that have been saved by Rose.

Rose said he agreed to come forward as it may help others speak out. He said he is adamant that artists need to be protected and that "enough is enough."

Rose said the incident occurred in April 2013 when he was invited to H*dson's house near West Hollywood past midnight to hang out. The actor said he agreed to meet only because he wanted to build his professional network in hopes of finding more acting work.

He said they had briefly met twice before in public — first when H*dson introduced himself as a publicist at a parking lot in Los Angeles a few years before. Later, they crossed paths at a hotel in Bel-Air, where Rose was working.

Rose said that H*dson mentioned several times his friends in the industry and at one point told the actor in a text that he should pursue modeling because "u have the look."

The actor said he brought a friend with him to H*dson's house that night. The friend has corroborated that he accompanied Rose and that Rose told him about the text messages after the meeting was over.

During the visit, Rose said H*dson spilled a drink on his pants. According to Rose, H*dson proceeded to wipe Rose's pants and put his hand on his inner thigh. Rose said he pushed H*dson's hand away.

H*dson said he has no recollection of spilling the drink on his lap. "If it happened, it was accidental. I did not and would not have touched Mr. Rose without his consent," he said in the statement.

H*dson later went into another room to fetch a pair of sweatpants and then began texting Rose, the actor said.

"I pay u 500 to have ur friend bounce," H*dson wrote, according text messages reviewed by The Times. The Times verified that the phone number associated with the text messages belongs to the agent.

"LOL I g2g [got to go] soon," the actor texted back.

H*dson offered more money. "1k stay," he texted, later adding, "I know ur straight Getting [oral sex] isn't gay. U. Know. That." He also texted: "All u gotta do is sick [sit] back relax..."

His texts became more aggressive. "If BJ happens tn [tonight] ill make sure u meet her tomorrow."

Rose said that H*dson was referring to actress Amanda Seyfried, who is a friend of the agent.

H*dson later texted: "Ill have u meet with any director this week that I can"

Rose tried to get out of the awkward situation. "Dude friends, " he texted back to H*dson. "I'm not that desperate to make it."

The actor and his friend eventually left H*dson's house without further incident. A few days later, they exchanged more text messages, with H*dson asking if Rose would be interested in three-way sex. Rose said he wasn't interested and that he only has sex with women, according to a text.

During his short time at CAA, H*dson has built an impressive roster of celebrity clients and friends. As a commercials agent, he is responsible for finding clients lucrative endorsement deals and has represented Spears and stars including Sean Penn, Amber Valletta, Demi Lovato and Zac Efron.

This year, his 30th birthday bash was covered by celebrity publications including TMZ, and was attended by many of his A-list clients. The TMZ headline described him as "Hollywood's most popular agent."

At CAA, H*dson is known for his ties to celebrities and has been photographed hanging out with Paris Hilton. In April, he served as an honorary co-chair of the World of Children Hero Awards, a celebrity gala event benefiting the children's charity that was co-sponsored by CAA.

Rose said he recently spoke with H*dson by phone and text in light of all of the sexual harassment scandals in Hollywood.

"I said I wasn't comfortable with what happened years ago," Rose said. "He said he was drunk and that he's sober now."

Rose said he wanted to meet in person and H*dson suggested the Polo Lounge. The actor suggested another location and they agreed. But he said H*dson ultimately canceled.

The actor said he was then surprised to receive an email letter from the agent's attorney in late November. [X]

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ajaegerpilot · 6 years

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idk. its been on my mind lately wrt radfe/minism assigning moral value to certain .. demographics over others. like i get that there’s some type of appeal there. to be a lesbian, one of the most oppressed groups, and then to assign moral value to your oppression. but i mean, it doesn’t actually track. we’re all just humans. for good and ill. the way the world’s been split up, it could’ve split up differently and then we’d be shitty to each other in different ways. as it is, the dice fell where they lay and i’m not going to for example champion against misa/ndry where it doesnt exist. but saying that men are inherently oppressive.. they don’t have some type of gene that makes them hurt women. or even some unbreakable socialization. some assholes historically brute-forced or slowly boiled the frog to the point where equality was no longer an option socially or economically. there’s nothing genetically unique to white ppl that had us ripping apart the world. conversely there’s nothing about women or poc that invites oppression onto them. oppression isn’t logical.. (in the sense that you could justify oppression of a group, though oppressors try and indeed some members of oppressed groups eg te/rfs agree with them) beyond the logic of abuse and the benefits oppressors reap in a social system that allows them to and does not punish them for harming their victims.

idk. my - way of relating to this world has i think been guided by my desire to reduce pain. that’s why i’m confident in interacting with ppl i disagree with. if their way turns out to reduce pain then i’ll change my mind, as i’ve done in the past. but idk. its wild to me that some people can make some leaps of logic that i just can’t see how to bridge. like i was talking to some white supremacist on fucking runescape the other night (Dont ask how ThIs Shit got started) and like idk. that guy is kind of - okay like first of all. you know what fuck it. i know his game. his game is that he’s accepted a hierarchy of races at which he’s coincidentally at the top, and thus he views equality of other races as a threat to his position (and he’s correct!). and he views degeneracy (lgbt-ness) and probably women’s rights as a threat to his hierarchical position in patriarchal heterosexuality (and he’s correct!) he thinks that people would be happier and in less pain if europe was some white heaven and all the degenerates and poc were excluded, but that has nothing to do with how poc/degenerates are fairing, because he doesnt value them as full human like himself. so for him, everyone that matters is taken care of and pain has been reduced/eliminated (i mean, white supremacy is not sustainable like - it wouldn’t work, there is no white supremacist utopia because its an inherently violent ideology that requires subjugation of SOMEBODY to function it will never stop). but for me, everyone matters, unless they’re causing others pain.

ugh this is not cohesive!! but i lit a fire under my ass because i understand this dude again. but anyway, it’s frustrating because you really cannot convince people of universal humanity when their ideology and self-worth is hinged on there being hierarchies. transphobic radfeminism or like similar types of movements (i wont get into them because i’d be sticking my ass out of my lane) of people assigning hierarchical worth to their own oppression are different but similar. for one, the end result of transphobic radfeminism is, if you follow the logic - the assignment of babies as male or female, and the elimination of all males. like - there is the understanding that men are biologically predisposed to oppressing ‘females’, and that ‘females’ are inherently more worthy because they are biological martyrs in that sense, they are not tainted by a genetic compulsion or ability to oppress (incorrect of course for a number of reasons). so the only solution is to avoid relationships with ‘males’ and if you do they will without fail mistreat you and you’ve brought on your own suffering (by being a bi or straight woman). like i literally saw some terf say ‘welp it sucks that straight women are straight lmao lets get them robot boyfriends’ like WHAT?? there’s this huge disconnect to humanity and reality there, and a huge disconnect from empathy to vast swathes of the human population. it approaches things this bizarre sort of value judgement based on happenstance of birth (birthright, so to speak) from a different angle than ur average runescape white supremacist, but i think why there are parallels b/w te/rfs and white supremacists is because they both draw the same conclusion. like te/rfs say that men are subhuman because they biologically oppress women (and i’d agree within the sense that ppl who oppress others are less humane, except that te/rfs link it to something inescapable), white supremacists will say that poc/degenerates/women are less human because again - something apparently inescapable. the results of either of these ideologies is either genocide or seperatism, the former of which is horrifying and the latter of which is not actually feasible (at least without violence). it is the attempt of a scoundrel to comfort themselves by having pride in something they had no say in rather than their actions.

liike we have to understand that humans are like all CAPABLE of good shit, AND bad shit, and the fact that men (for example) can choose to fight for equality with women and don’t is what makes them uniquely bad. this is also is the only thing that brings hope. like, there’s also the fact that it is real. we are all working with humanity here. its just very hard to argue with people i think if they can’t agree with that premise. am i unique here? did my parents do me wrong by raising me to believe in my inherent humanity and the inherent humanity of others? i don’t think this was very coherent... but basically there is no value or worth that is granted to an individual being because they are a certain race or gender or sexuality. we are all the same damn dirty human worldwide, contending with lines that were drawn to subjugate some to raise up a few. but these lines were drawn, they are artificial. time to rip it down ykwim ;3c

#misha speaks #white supremacy m #ugh. its because my name on runescape is alabuster2 so he thought i was dogwhistling whitesupremacy w 'alabaster'

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