#IM GONNA FAIL ALL MY CLASSES BUT IM SO SO HAPPY FOR NO REASON

[2-faded-memory-2]

finals this week but i am so so ecstatic instead of dreadful

[miyseilish]

maybe a miles 1610 x reader that he meets and is closed off and battles depression? sorry if it’s too much

I also requested this to someone else so sorry if theirs will be similar to yours 😣

Burden

Miles 1610 x Reader with Depression

warnings: heavy use of all lowercase, mentions of relapse and sh, bad formatting cause I don't write on tumblr.

a/n:: my first tumblr stories omggg, this request hit too hard to home :,), these are sensitive topics so it's ok if you click off. im here if you need to talk

ever since joining visions, you had always stayed to yourself. you never spoke or talked unless spoken too, even then it was short sentences.

Until miles came along, he was like a lost puppy to you. He always tried to talk to you or get you to speak.

It was either him always requesting to be your partner in schoolwork. Or he would glance at you every few minutes in class to check your wellbeing.

He noticed everything, every time you came into school tired. All the times you bounced your leg due to stress. He was always observant of you.

In class he caught you brushing an eraser against your skin.

“It’s gonna sting mariposa, stop hurting yourself.” He said, taking the eraser from your hand. That stupid nickname he always gave you made your blood boil.

You quickly attempt to snatch it from his hand but failed miserably.

“dude don’t take stuff that’s not yours, didn’t they say that in the assembly?.” You spoke half sarcastically

“Well not if you’re gonna do that with it.” He spoke bluntly. Yet with a hint of worry in his eyes.

“well it isn’t your concern.” you spoke, looking him right in his eyes.

“Now it is.” Miles said, “Plus it’s not clean. You can get infected.”

After that day, Miles payed extra attention to you making sure you weren’t gonna do anything stupid.

He became apart of the loop life was of for you. Everyday ended up feeling less dull and lifeless seeing him there.

As the days went on, you stopped your sassy remarks, well.. you just calmed it down a bit.

Miles was happy you started talking to him more. He enjoyed learning more about you, he started drawing you more in his sketchbook.

On weekends when you weren’t in dorms, he always swung past your home on his patrol to make sure your okay.

One day he knocked on your window, and it was the worst time.

You had relapsed, and you regretted it. It as a very rough week for you and you couldn’t get through it.

“Y/n?” Miles said opening your unlocked window, looking inside he saw you crying on the floor. quickly, he approached you.

“im fine.” you said trying to move away from his touch.

“No, you’re not.” Miles said sitting next to you, rubbing your back.

“talk to me, mariposa.” Miles said, that nickname that you hated so much brought slight comfort now.

You sniffled, rubbing your eyes.

“I just.. don’t wanna feel like this anymore. empty and angry all the time.”

“I understand it’s hard, I will be here for you please don’t be afraid to speak to me, you’re not a burden. You mean so much to me, even if you don’t wanna believe it.” Miles speaks pulling you closer to him.

you hated to admit it but you finally realized something you hadn’t for a long time.

the only reason you let him in, the only reason you haven’t smacked him in his face already.

He held your hand, slightly caressing your skin with his thumb.

“I’m sorry..” You muttered.

“for what?” Miles said.

You sighed, remembering he did act clueless a lot. “Being mean all this time. You’re too kind to me. I don’t deserve you.”

Miles smiled, he lifted your hand closer to his face. He started pressing soothing kisses on your knuckles to comfort you.

He realized what he was doing then stopped.

“Sorry.. I-“ He said before you interrupted him.

“No it’s okay, I love you.” you said shyly. It was the first time you would say those three words to someone.

Miles chuckled at your shyness, he then pressed a comforting kiss on your temple.

“cmon.. let’s get you cleaned up.”

© miyseilish 2025 - my work will not be reposted, copied, or paraphrased without my consent.

[alovesongtheywrote]

hiii girlie!! it’s my birthday HAHA can i please get a nightmare academia part?? thank youuu 🫶

♥ Summary: SORRY I MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY!! iirc, i got this like. right in the middle of finals season. i am so sorry :( to compensate, i have provided a holiday update!! In this chapter of Nightmare Academia, it's the holiday season and Reid pulls a lil prank.

♥ Warnings: holidays, Wham's Last Christmas

♥ A/N: this is really just a holiday blurb im ngl. happy holiday special ig!! (also. i didn't edit this. my bad lol)

♥ Word Count: 600

Series Masterlist

♥♥♥

The winter seasons were always an interesting time to be a professor.  The campus was decorated with trees and lights.  Fliers advertised Hanukkah and Christmas gatherings.  The students were so stressed and burnt out that they moved through life with a weird sort of festive calm. 

This year, that festive calm had taken on a new feature- your students wouldn’t stop playing Wham’s Last Christmas.  

You had nothing against the song.  All things considered, you liked Wham.  You liked Last Christmas.  It just got a touch annoying when the song played on a constant loop through various shitty phone speakers.  All the time.  Every day.

You weren’t sure what caused it- what earthly force could convince a bunch of college kids to listen to that infernal song so frequently?  What could get them to set Last Christmas to their ringtones?  You were pretty sure most of them hadn’t used ringtones before December.  To put it bluntly- you were confused, tired, and suspicious.  You were also ready to scream.

So you did!

“Holy shit, if I have to hear that fucking song again, I might literally explode.”

Reid looked up at you as you burst into your shared office.  His eyes were wide, as if your pre-loaded rant about Wham’s Last Christmas had caught him off guard.  

If it had, that was honestly on him.  You were only about a week into December, and you had already complained about the thing seventy-six times and counting.  If Spencer didn’t remember that, then his special boy memory powers had clearly failed him.

“Well, you wouldn’t literally explode,” Reid corrected, clearly recovered from his shock, “That’s a common mistake.  You would actually-”

“Reid, stop it before I feed you to the ghost of George Michael.”

He held up his hands in surrender, though a smile played across his lips.  You glared at that little grin as vines of suspicion tangled with the fleshy meat of your brain.

“Did you have something to do with this?”

“Whatever do you mean, Doctor?”

“I mean,” you slammed your hands down on Reid’s desk, “Are you the reason I cannot escape that fucking song?”

He leaned back in his chair, weaving his long, slender fingers together like some fucking anime villain, “And how would I pull that off?”

“Easily.  You’re you, and it’s the perfect crime.  All it would take is the promise of extra credit, and your students would do anything.  You think I haven’t noticed that the student body suddenly loves playing Wham?  Out loud?  Without headphones?”

Spencer’s grin got bigger, “Wow.  I’m sorry that your students have been using technology in a distracting and upsetting manner.  I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Spencer Reid, I am going to kill you.  I’m gonna choke you out with Christmas lights.  Seriously.”

He leaned in, “Are you literally going to kill me?”

“Fuck you, Reid.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

You snorted out a laugh, “You wouldn’t survive me, pretty boy.  Now, have you seen the essays my cybercrime class wrote?  They were on my desk.”

“Here-” he said, reaching for one of the desk’s many drawers.  That ended the conversation as the topic drifted to your students and the general category of crime that involved techy-whecy bullshit.  

In the weeks that followed, the volume on Spencer’s prank was turned down.  The students played it less and less, and the campus generally hummed with other holiday themed music until the break hit.  The day after it did, a package arrived on your doorstep.

A lovely vinyl copy of Wham’s Last Christmas.  

You were gonna kill Spencer Reid.

♥ Tags: @icarusignite, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @maraudersforlife2005, @fictionalcomforts, @morgthemagpie, @iiheartbowie, @digitalhearts, @corpsebridenightamare, @ghostatrixx, @reiding-writing, @mywellspringoflife, @80katie, @ms-ks-world, @currentfications, @ilse235, @emagen, @foolishwaitersblog if you asked to be tagged and i forgot, pls let me know!! if you would like to be tagged and aren't, also let me know :D

[forgottenporkbun]

my mh OC('s?)

so im gonna start off explaining more about Kai before i get into his masked version because it'll make more sense :) @doorknobhater

So Kai is just a silly guy, pretty typical life, until in college he started having these strange vivid dreams including people he had never met. Eventually one takes place in the classroom where Alex Kralie is doing tryouts. After class the next day he goes there and ends up trying out and making it into the student film (uh oh). Kai acts in the film until eventually Kralie disappears. He still has these vivid dreams that all happen to come true- visions in a way. He graduates college and tries to move on, still feeling as if something more sinister is going on behind the scenes. He runs into Jay years later- not realising who he was but noting he looked familiar. Kai ends up talking to him and Jay asks if he happened to have any old tapes from Alex (which totally wasn't suspicious in the slightest). Kai does in fact have some and the series progresses from there (these tapes were just most of the footage Kai was in. Some of them were unwatchable due to problems with the footage). In those years after Alex's disappearance (before Kai reunited with Jay) Kai wrote down all his dreams in a journal, kept under lock and key (hence why he wears a key necklace). As the series goes on he writes more down and gets increasingly paranoid about them- seeing his friends get hurt or even die in these dreams/visions. However, because he has this information he is able to change the course of events (i do have an AU that's basically a bad ending where Kai fails to change anything and he ends up moving far from Alabama, changes numbers, and destroys his camera and any tapes that were left). Does no one die? Yeah, other than Kralie but I haven't really thought much on that.

Now we get to his masked version. Originally he wasnt meant to have one- but i caved. His masked version is a completely different AU version of him that isn't connected to my 'main au' i just talked about. In this universe, instead of getting directly involved and talking to Jay, Kai lets his social anxiety get the best of him (this is a joke btw- that's not actually the reason) and walks past him before later having a dream telling him he fucked up. What ACTUALLY happened was him finding the Marble Hornets Youtube channel and realising "oh fuck that's what my dreams are about i need to do something about this" but he doesn't get directly involved. Instead, he puts on a mask for the sake of anonymity and does everything he can to make sure Jay doesn't get his ass killed and that Alex doesn't kill anyone. Also, Kai's masked persona is nicknames Dahlia because of the black dahlia flower and what it symbolises (idk i came up with it on 2 hours of sleep). Also in this AU Dahlia communicates in ASL (part of me just did it as an excuse to learn asl). Dahlia is just selectively mute or something- i never really thought much about it. It's also just kind of a problem because i don't think Jay or Tim would know ASL (maybe a little bit but not much), so if Dahlia were to try and communicate it would just be a whole mess. Giving Dahlie all the struggles and angst ever because why not? Dahlia does not work with Totheark btw, he just kinda does his own thing and avoids coming in direct contact with Jay or Tim (would and has probably jumped Alex before). Ends up running into them though and they think Dahlia's trying to screw everything up for them when really he's trying to help. He probably eventually starts working with them and then series ends or something. He either disappears and then contacts them as Kai asking to catch up, or reveals himself and then yippee happy ending. Somewhere in this all Jay breaks into his house (which Dahlia pretty much abandoned due to the situation) and probably finds some hints that let him know that Kai and Dahlia are the same person OR maybe Jay finds his locked notebook (which Dahlia has to steal back).

but just so you know, i could go on another whole ass rant about the BAD endings to these Aus (the multiple bad endings more like) because i love torturing my oc's /aff. If you have any questions ask away! I'll post Dahlia's design soon because he's fun to draw :3

[ynandfics]

Descendants Rise of Red fix

Princess Red and the daughter of the head guard head to Merlin Academy.

————————————————————————

“To the daughter of the head guard, we would like your pressure here in Aurodon for the rest of your school years” I smiled as my dad said we accepted.

“To princess Red, daughter of the Queen of Hearts, we would value your presence here in Aurodon for the remainder of your school years” We accept! The Queen smirked, she had a plan when they got to Aurodon.

————————————————————————

“Your father looked pretty happy for you to go.” Princess Red stood at my door.

“Well Red, just like you it’s an opportunity to get some freedom until we have to come back here.” I turned to her as I finished packing.

“I feel like the reason I was accepted is cause my mum might have anterior motives. She hasn’t said anything so I hope it’s not going to happen.” The girl was also scared of her mother and things her mother had started to make her do. This included putting my father in jail.

“I hope not, we don’t have to see anything normal to us and abnormal to everyone else” she laughed lightly. “Come on Red, you finished packing? Got an outfit ready”.

“Yes and no” She walked into her room, me following along. The room was filled with luggage cases, but one outfit was left aside for tomorrow.

“Okay im assuming you’re gonna have to fill all of these up?” I looked at her.

“No uh take one and use it, I know you want to pack more”. Red passed me a relatively large case, it would fill some of my books and make up in it.

“Thank you! You’re amazing you know that?” Princess Red looked down.

“Well I’m meant to be like my mother. All scary and stuff, but sometimes I can’t “ She looked at me with wide eyes almost about to cry.

“Eh I don’t really think you’re like her at all, you’re a nice person and I think her heart might just be full of ice and caged” I left her room to continue packing before we left tomorrow morning.

————————————————————————

“Oh my god! It’s so bright and beautiful here!” My father drove in front of the Queen of Hearts. Not just for her security, but as a known guard with their child.

“Yes darling, and it will be yours to explore” he smiled at me as he stopped the car. Parking where all the other cars had lined up. We walked up to the person doing the rolls and told them my name.

“Huh never seen a guards kid, should be interesting” the lady smirked as she was then in the presence of the Queen.

“Name?” The lady said.

“You know who I am” the Queen said coldly. The person signing people off rushed through the pages to find Red’s name.

“Bridget?” A lady in all blue said also with her daughter. The Queen turned slowly.

“Actually it’s your Royal Highness actually” the girl in blue paled a bit.

“Oh of course! How are you?” The Queen ignored her as we all in a group were lead down the path where the Aurodon sign was.

“Girls, remember…you are representing Wonderland now. Representing the Queen of Hearts and her guards. Do not fail.” We nodded at her slowly. My father didn’t say a word.

“Good now, where are the good seats, we must have the best.” She turned around to find the gateway to where the introduction was being held.

————————————————————————

Red along with myself pressed on the time changing clock, the girl in blue’s daughter also accidentally pressed it too.

“What the-where are we?” The girl immediately said.

“Not where, but when?” I, as the guards daughter said.

“Oh let’s ask her?” The blue girl pointed at a girl, looked like a young fairy godmother. “Excuse me? Where is everyone?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about…all of us are in class right now” the girls wand tapped her book and it went flying. She then proceeded to chase it.

“Ok so, we’re not in Aurodon anymore.” Red said as we walked. Next to us was the sign for Merlin’s Academy. This was the old version of our school.

“Oh no, oh god.” I looked to my left and see the Merlin Academy sign. “We’re really out of time”

“Okay so, I think this definitely skipped a few decades…not just the few minutes we wanted.” I looked at Red.

“You think?? We’re in the decades our parents went to school” the girl in blue, Chloe, burst out with as we walked back into the school grounds. We were immediately caught out by Merlin himself.

“You ladies should be in class” He came closer to us “hm I know every face in this Academy and I don’t recall you three”.

“We’re exchange students. We left our papers I’m sorry” I burst out. The girls and Merlin looked at me.

“Well ok, we must get you three in a dorm room and then into classes” He started walking again “come along girls, education can’t wait”

We shuffled behind Merlin until we saw the words Principal Merlin. Of course, we ran into the damn Principal.

“Ok ladies, there’s a dorm left in the girls room’s. It’s room 305. And I’ve managed to make sure all of you are actually in the same classes together.” I felt some relief that I was going to be in the same class as the girls.

“Thank you Merlin” Chloe said as she got the key. Me and Red gave appreciative smiles towards him.

“Best head to your class girls!” We looked at our schedule as we exited the door.

“Alchemy?” “His name is next to it?” Our classroom is this one?” We all bundled our questions as the bell rang and students filled the halls.

“Yep ok, definitely in this room” All three of us tracked Merlin’s steps, books in hand.

“Alright let’s go I guess?” Chloe said.

“EVERYONE BE SEATED! We have a few new faces with us today, girls I’ll set you up with a few different people. Chloe and Bridget? Do you mind sharing with Red and Chloe. And James! How about you help y/n here?” Merlin smirked as another boy moved out of the chair where I now had to sit.

“Hello darling, I’ve never seen you around before” he looked at me intensely.

“Well I’m an exchange student, although we don’t have Alchemy there” I replied to him.

“Well why don’t we just learn this together? I don’t really pay much attention in this class, but I’m sure with your help I just might” He said casually.

“Hm alright then” I said as Merlin then proceeded to try and gather all our attention to the front of the classroom. I could see Chloe and Red engaging with their partners too. I realised that right now, the two that they are with might be more than just random people.

————————————————————————

“Darling why don’t you come find me later? I’m curious about you” James ran his hook around my face whilst I saw Bridget handing out her cupcakes.

“I might” I smirked at him. Watching him walk away I saw him walk to five people.

“Hey girls, how are you?” I asked Red and Chloe, both who also might have clocked it that these two girls are their mothers. And I realised that one of the Villians was my dad.

[mineza]

HI i’m not sending anything today cause im lazy but WATCH DAVID ACHU on youtube he’s like the funniest person i watch his humor is what i hope to be in the future. i honestly really like writing informative essays because i feel really smart and thank god for grammerly and like a bunch of proofreading websites cause that’s for sure not my strong suit which means it is something i could work on but im not or at least not yet but i for sure know i need better grammer eventually, i love how when i go home im so ready to do homework and work on art projects then i just open up my phone and go on youtube i need someone to take my phone away from me actually fr fr ngl

i have a indian mother and she’s like so so so nice but she can change so fast it’s crazy like i got hurt awhile ago and im usually a safe person but she was going crazy about it and i was too but on the inside and SHE TOLD ME TO SLEEP WITHOUT A BANDAID like it was still bleeding and all (well kinda i’m reallllly over exgigirating i hate spelling) but it was still all gross so i just did anyway and took it off in the morning so she felt like she was in the right, OH i realized i really like cheesecake its like the best dessert ever i love love love it its perfect cause im not a big cake fan and idk i love sweets but i mostly like sweet drinks i like more savory food i guess my friend always complains how ill spend money on food without hesitation but never for like objects i just like the sudden happiness i get and i dont get that from clothes or jewelry but i do like those in the long run

School is so so draining i don’t get it at all like why is it cause like whenever im talking to someone and it’s good conversation it’s not good like i enjoy what we’re talking about but im on autopilot i think i mind theory that it’s cause i know like next class or like just something stressing me and like other people out in the back of there mind cause afterschool im like sooo much more talkative but i do talk a lot i think in school too

i need to learn how to make a good habit like i don’t understand at all like why i cleaned my room straight for two weeks but it’s STILL NOT A HABIT and it’s messy again

also anyone who doesn’t like grapes is crazy like wdym that and watermelon they’re like the perfect fruit in my head like i like blueberry’s but they have a wierd texture and sometimes they’re to sour and with raspberry’s they scare me i feel like im eating a bug idk why i really like lychee its just too messy and im okay with rambutan (did not spell that right probably) its just also messy i lvoeee mango though but only if someone else cuts it for me because im stupid and knives are scary and im a absoulte baby i honestly do need to try making more food cause its such an essinsal thing and i wanna get over being scared and scared of failing and waisting the food also i heard it can be fun. im able to do the basics

i think i’m gonna end it here i wanna put in more about my opinion on fruits cause i like that topic for some reason it’s fun too me but i do gotta sleep

(also btw it feels wierd posting like paragraphs but i kinda don’t kinda do care so yeah i just need somehwere to get out my thoughts)

[loststarphounix]

im sorry im on a roll today with these aus but-

ai kazuichi au 👀 (i mentioned this au before in my soudam week entries)

ai kazuichi exists inside of the digital world as an observer, like chiaki, and is programmed to look after his classmates and to act like the real life ultimate mechanic in the real world

once Gundham and the other students are inside of the Neo World Program, gundham's starting to crush on the mechanic as days on the island pass by :0

tbh whether or not this takes place during the killing game (angst potential!) or island mode (fluff potential! + everything goes somewhat smoothly for them!) is up to you bc i love your creativity! :D

Look.

LOOK

This can go many ways, but I’m gonna go angst and make the world burn by having the reason there’s both AI’s is because both Chiaki and Kazuichi died and that actually sends the class to Despair. Or at least….they thought both died.

He was actually just on the cusp of death when Izuru went to their “game of death” and Izuru felt a deep, instinctive desire to help. Maybe Hajime wasn’t completely lost from the Hope Project, but the young mechanic has been in a coma off and on for two years. He’s horribly disfigured and his body aches so bad he can’t work on large machines ever again and he has about 2/3 of his remaining lung capacity so he’s winded a bit more easily. Not to mention his left arm…or lack of. But he gets a cool replacement like Nagito so it’s all good!

AI Kazuichi and AI Chiaki was crafted partially by Kazuichi it was mainly created by Izuru because I like to think the smidge of Hajime within Izuru at the time made the AI so he could fulfill his dream of being a classmate with his best friend slash femme crush. Kazuichi sadly can’t do much and the Future Foundation keep him close because him being on the island is dangerous in his condition. He made the AI version of himself to be less of a hot mess and to be more open to Gundham who he has realized he wanted to be really be good friends with.

Meanwhile in the NWP, Gundham finds AI Kazuichi more warm and receptive to him and the two get closer. Like they actually get along and interact more, which subconsciously makes the breeder happy because somewhere in his mind he remembers they were “rivals” for Sonia. And now they’re almost besties with Sonia and are actually enjoying their time together.

And maybe real Kaz is living vicariously through the AI as the two grow closer and they start to dance around the idea of being in love. It effects him a lot, because he wonders what could have been if he didn’t let his insecurities get in the way and if Junko hadn’t fucked them all over.

When the killing game starts, Kazuichi demands to be there in person in case something happens when he reality he wants to try to prevent Junko’s plan while also being their personally to mourn Gundham in case they fail. He realizes too late he was in love with the breeder all along and now it feels like it’s too late to do more than mourn for his conscience and soul.

When the game ends, he has to explain to Hajime, Akan’s, Fuyuhiko and Sonia what actually happened to him and Chiaki and how he wished it was Chiaki who lived instead of him. The five work hard to get the others free, with Kazuichi forcefully taken somewhere else to rest and not risk his health but it makes him spiral into depression. When Gundham wakes up, I like to think he seeks him out and what happens happens.

[justice4billiam]

Math Class

So there was this one moment in time in high school where I actually liked a guy (I know, weird concept, just go with it) who sat in front of me in my math class.

Something you should know about me, I fucking suck at math.

Another thing you should know about me, I was kind of a dick in high school.

Okay, I’m still kind of a dick, but a nice one.

However in high school, I was extra dick-ish (I’m sure it had to do with all raging teenage hormones and a shit childhood)

Anyway.

I fucking sucked at math.

And what happens when you suck at math?

Your teacher assigns you a tutor to help “guide you to the path of success” or whatever she said.

Cool.

No big deal, right?

Wrong.

She assigned me to the nearest person to me.

The fucking guy I had a crush on.

Who thought I was the fucking worst.

Now you’re probably thinking nooo, he couldn’t possibly think that way about you. I’m sure it was all in your head

Well, you’re wrong. The guy hated me.

BUT for good reason.

He just so happened to be the brother of the girl I beat up half a week earlier in gym class.

NOW.

I didn't beat her up just because…no. She was an absolute terror to this disabled girl in said gym class.

She would verbally bully her to the point of tears.

But that one particular day she physically shoved her to the ground while we were all running the mile.

Remember how I said I was a dick?

Well, I used my powers for good. (mostly)

I watched that shit happen.

Then came strolling up to her while she was shooting the shit with her friends and shoved that bish so hard.

Her stupid unblended orange face (this was the early 2010s guys, no one wore the right makeup shade or blended their foundation into their damn necks) bounced off the concrete floor.

Let me just tell you…it was satisfying as hell.

It started a full on fight of which resulted in her getting her ass handed to her.

So you see, her brother hated me

And I didn't blame him

A sister is a sister.

You stand by your siblings, I get it.

BUT.

I had a big fat crush on him and now he was to tutor me.

Let me tell you, he was NOT happy about it.

I distinctly remember the look on his face the second the teacher called his name out to work with me.

It was the kind of face you make when you smell roadkill wafting through your car vents because you have outside air circulating while you're going 65mph(that's 96.56kmph) on a back road.

The look fueled the need to make him like me.

Those who know me now, know I'm a cheeky, flirty little shit.

So not to toot my own horn but it's hard NOT to like me.

(Is that my god-complex talking? Probably)

I can get along with just about anyone.

Not so surprisingly after about 30 minutes of flirting my way into his heart, I had him FLUSTERED.

I'm talking man giggling.

Blushed cheeks.

Couldn't even make eye contact with me.

FLUSTERED.

Don't like who?

Not me.

I'm sure you're probably wondering where I'm going with this.

Well, after class ended he invited me over to his house after school.

A normal person probably wouldn't go to the house of the girl you beat up and meet her parents while on her brother's arm.

I did.

I went.

I wish I had taken a picture of her face when I walked into her house. (she had stayed home the rest of that week because I beat her ass)

Honestly, it was a core memory.

The best part was her parents didn't know it was me who did it.

It was such an eventful week for me.

Monday: bully the bully

Tuesday: ice my hand from bullying the bully

Wednesday: suck at math

Thursday: rizz the bully's brother and come home with him to have dinner with bully and her family.

Friday: DATE THE BULLYS BROTHER.

Yep. You heard me.

That dinner went so well that the guy asked me out.

And I said yes.

I then proceeded to date him the whole year and become best friends with her mom.

Oh yeah, and I still failed math.

I'm gonna make this a series 🤭

@voyeurmunson im sure you'd get a giggle out of this. 😅🤭

[dballzposting]

okay this is gonna sound maybe kinda wild but i need you to bear with me here. on account of i just had this thought but i have hit post limit and you're the only person i can trust with this

videl is a whiskey drinker. you know this, i know this, everyone knows this. it doesn't affect her. she's been sneaking a little bit ever since she was big enough to reach the bottle, bc Dad said it was a Real Man's Drink and she had something to prove.

Videl does not drink to excess, but even drunk videl is not that much different from normal videl. maybe a little floppier. maybe a little less testy. whatever.

but gohan?

gohan starts with wine. it's a low alcohol content. it's refined, it's classy, it fits the image of the future he wants. and, most importantly, he wouldn't feel embarrassed if his mom found out he had a glass of wine. She wouldn't be happy about him drinking alcohol, but she would Understand.

wrong fucking move.

he has one glass. He hates the way it makes him feel. The control he's fought so hard for slips away. he melts into Dionysus' bestial embrace.

all of a sudden his instincts kick in and he's fighting for control silently in his own mind. Stone-faced and wild-eyed, he sits alone in his dark bedroom. And when Videl opens the door, he makes unblinking eye contact. For several moments, her heart freezes and she understands that her husband is truly half-alien; something wretched from beyond the stars lurks in his chest.

he says, with no emotion expressed, 'we're alive, you and I.'

and her heart resumes

she walks up to the bed and sits on her knees next to gohan. she softly touches his face, and he gently, reverently, takes her forearm in his mouth like a dog.

she strokes his hair with her other hand, and he lets go. he looks up at her with sad, sad eyes. he speaks again

'I want to hunt a rabbit. not like a man, with guns and traps and ki, but like a quick and clever creature. the claws on my hands and the teeth in my mouth.'

and then, in the dim light of the hallway, videl looks at the nightstand and sees a cup and a bottle with just enough wine missing to deduce he has had one (1) glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

and after cooking up the steak she was saving for after she won the poker tournament tomorrow to sate gohan's bloodhunger, she puts him to bed and calls up Chi-Chi.

(I don't have an ending for this i just think that most aliens in dbz, saiyans especially, have a really low alcohol tolerance for reasons that would take forever to explain, and that gohan especially would be weird bc he has had so much training specifically to deal with his instincts and emotions, and that alcohol would interfere with the execution of that training but not the understanding of it)

thank you if you took the time to read this!

thank you if you took the time to read this!

Hey I think I need to answer this now like right now becos it was sent tonight and there is no way that this will be permissible tomorrow.

OK WElll let's see here let's break this down. Have no fear audience members we will get throuhg thsi

OK first of all

im sleepy let me think about this one.

You Have Hit Post Limit Yet Again.

Videl drinks whiskey the same way she smokes cigars ok got it. She's always been able to detect on some level the vacancy in her father where his spine should be so she's always known that titles like "Real Man" were empty aesthetics and that she herself captured the REAL ideals without having to boast it. But at some point she has to say something to give people something to listen to when their eyes fail them. She drinks that whiskey and she doesn't need to but she's damn good at it

Wine "fits the image of the future [Gohan] wants" ... It's a future that has the luxury to build itself on levels of social games like aesthetics and class and propriety ... it has the luxury of peace. Plus it's a fun fruity color. Lol.

THE IDEA THAT ONE (1) GLASS OF WINE JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING UNDOES HIM ?

He's had to fight for control and this control just puts its hat on and walks out the frontal cortex at the slightest flavor of alcohol. Like Ok I'm out. Bye

OK like actually everything about Gohan & Videl's relationship and interactions is completely the notion of Wearing Class on top of Beastliness. A dapper hat and bloody fangs. Vampires in the city. Complex mammalian social interactions being the most phylogenetically recent adaption to the nervous system and it necessarily has communications with the "lower" systems and making sense of the whole system is what makes us human. In my earlier post today I almost said something about Videl marrying the knives of intellect with the force of shadows but i coudnt figure out how to phrase it. I still can't. My point is that I think that this ask will cohere going forward but let's find out

He would sit there stone faced in the dark willing the moment to pass that is so Goahn ...

She literally would understand perfectly and she would give him her arm. He's an alien and something beyond the stars lurks unarticulated yet thriving in his being and she would see that and duely freeze as a human ought but she would feel like "FINALLY something that fucking MAKES SENSE" like she would get it

Because she KNOOOWS that she's gonna win the poker tournamnet. Gonna be honest. I think that it's gonna be Krillin's lucky night. Unless it's a woman-only tournament. Then I'm thinking that Bulma almost wins until A18 smoothly takes over at the last second. But Videl wins the other times. We just can't all be winners allof the time....

She's cooking the steak and he's pacing like a sad dog miserably musing that "it's not gonna be enough" and she has to be like "Look how red it is. Look how warm. Pretend it's fresh-killed." and Gohan remebers when he was a little boy when he was surviving in the wild, there was this dickhead dinosaur who always tried to get at him and Gohan would slice off a bit of its tail and eat it every time he won the fight. And the dinosaur kept trying. And Gohan almsot felt bad about it but now he's understasnding more than ever that winning or losing are just the outcomes of the NECESSARY NEED TO HUNT, it was righteous and essential that he and that dinosaur continuously engaged with each other and the dinosaur had no choice by nature. so he doesnt feel bad anymore in fact he feels thrilled at having partaken. And he feels big for winning. And he eats the steak and Videl offers that red wine goes good with red meat and he says NO PLEASE NO GOD. NO

OK like yes in the dragon ball that we see on screen it would track for Videl to call Chichi on the phone and garner a light commiseration re: Alien Husbands without actually disclosing any details at all, and even gather some productive insight or info. BUT The Chichi that I know is like "Laura" by Billy Joel and everything is about her feelings and so we honestly wanna keep her as far from the genuine lived experience of others as possible.

I'll believe you about the alcohol thign.

Also I'm gonna interject and say that Feeling your Feelings w/o judgement and w/o needing to take action about them is so imporatant and I wish that Gohan wouldnt fight himself down so much.

But I get it like he's more than an animal he's an alien and there's nothing more primal than being the improbable lovechild of a human and an alien and he will never know if what he is feeling is "acceptable" or "alien and fucked up" and he fears it all same

EVERYBIODY SLEEP TIGHT or WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twyla19]

This is a long one (keep reading just cause its a lot)

This school semester has been absolutely shit. I am FINALLY getting to finish the last two finals, and then i will be done.

I started off dealing with losing a friend (to be homest i should talk with them) and then i had a friend stay with me, which he got locked out of my spare room, which turned into me finding out i wasnt allowed in there (i live in a 2 bed but paying for one cajse of my disability, so its stupid i dont have access) then that next week my car battery died, so i spent the day worrying about everything BUT class material.

A friend started leaving me on read and ghosting me. Then my friend left cause he needed to be back, and i could only host someone for 2 weeks. I started to try and catch up with schoolwork but am constantly anxious about everything all at once. Kept overthinking and worried cause of deadlines and midterms.

Then, after midterms, i dealt with two friends just leaving / blocking me. For no reason. Which i have dealt with like all of my fucking life and im sick of it. If you dont want to be friend just fucking tell me, which one did and mad respect. However, the other one literally stayed with me for two weeks.

So i was very depressed and just again stressed about school work. I lost motivation for everything but am still doing my best. Then, before i knew it, it was fall break. I was able to catch up on late assignments, i got in contact with a case manager, and now it's finals week. I am teeering on a C, which can pass or fail me with the essay i turned in today. I struggled to find my topic for this essay. And this same fucking class the professor is my advisor for my second major OH IM A DOUBLE MAJOR BTW so i had a 19 credit semester PLUS ALL THIS OTHER BS. Its like every week *something else* has to go wrong. Im just hoping and praying that i passed this class cause it's been a shitty semester, and i dont want to cry more.

I suffer in silence cause i hate taking from others positive moods, but damn do i want to finally be done. I have two more finals i have procrastinated and are due tomorrow night. So i have all day to get them done.

Im just tired. In all aspects. And it sucks. Once i get to my parents' house, i am gonna curl up into a ball in my room and just stay there for a while. Im so thankful for the people who have been in my life and have supported me (with or without knowing about this) and still love me through it.

I have not been more happy to say i love my friends so much, so much platonic love. It's so overlooked, but it means the world to me. I am so grateful. 💜

[killedbyagirl]

failing another semester again

took the jump to try summer semester for the first time. mainly to graduate sooner since ive been held back by my own incompetence for far too long. unfortunately the worst depression ive felt in a while hit me just as it started.

missed way too many classes. i talked to the professor asking him if there'd be a possibility to pass, if i could do extra credit, but he said the main issue is my attendance and that he'd have to talk to the chair since its out of his control. so ill just finish my assignments today and hope for the best, right? despite the fact that im on the cusp of failing and my chance at suicide are at high risk? no of course not! i have to be hit with more bullshit again because i just suck that bad.

to those two stupid bitches that fucked me and another girl over by doing the major semester project by yourselves without any communication: fuck you. youre the reason i gave up this semester and threw away 1900$. well not really. but youre a part of the reason.

i dont understand why people do this. honestly i put myself into this mess, i shouldve never applied for summer when my gpa was fine. now im back to where i was before last semester and need to work harder to get to where i just was. is this ever gonna end. struggling to live day by day. nothing makes me happy. i feel hopeless. so so hopeless. i try to find any reason to end it - if only i had the guts to do it. im so tired. i dont think feeling like everything is a burden is normal. i dont want to live like this anymore. im telling him on Sunday that he doesnt need to talk to the chair and that i'll just retake the classes next semester because im too mentally stunted to handle this and would rather fail.

on top of that ive ruined my body so badly. i was looking at the back of myself in the mirror today and got whiplash dude. holy shit my body is hideous. ive always wanted to work out and get into lifting and lose weight but i dont wanna do anything at all. maybe its a miracle that i dont live alone - if i did my neighbors wouldve smelled the stench of my bloated, rotting body by now.

i think thats another reason i havent ended it by the way. like the state of the body when youre dead. i dont wanna voluntarily embarrass myself like that. and i know i wont be alive to even see it - that nothing after will matter, because i wont think or feel, or reflect, or percieve - ill simply be dead and non-existent. my mind will cease to exist. my deepest desires. the names of people i love that i have ingrained into my brain, my family history, the stories my parents have told me - but also my fat, rotting body. plus id probably have shit running down my leg. its like instead of a postmortem erection the highlight of an afabs dead body is the shit and piss running down its leg. does the clit also erect? im searching that up after i finish writing this. this is way too grotesque.

im so conceited also. objectively all my despair stems from hedonism. i dont wanna go out so i dont. i dont wanna go to university so i dont. i eat when im bored till my stomach feels distended. doesnt help that im almost always bored. i practically live staring at a screen. <200 steps a day on average probably. or actually even less. all i do is think about me, me, me. maybe thats what my sister meant when she called me selfish. not that im selfish towards others but towards my own, like, i dont know, desires or whatever the fuck. only thing i like doing is drawing and talking to momo. at least she makes me feel wanted and likes me. im tired. so tired. i genuinely live day by day and convince myself to deal with the repercussions later. will i make it to 30? probably not. im scared ill get premature dementia because of how fucked my brain and memory have become over almost two decades of depression. anyways im gonna go sleep now. bye.

[bigearsbunbun]

1/30/2025 Hey yall kinda late but happy new year to us all!!

Today was pretty chill anyways update:

Im now a senior!! like as in senior high student lawll and um I have a new phone so happy with it, its tecno spark 20 pro definitely my favorite rn cause like i can play so many games in this phone and the storage is 256 gb which means i can play genshin!!! aahhh Ive actually been playing genshin more often now a days so I feel like I'm back in 2021 haha!!

so we have no class tomorrow and the whole week next week since they're gonna held the prescon in our school.. pretty bad timing if you ask me since the exams are literally just right around the corner...no its literally like RUNNING TO ME....and for us to hold classes online or in modular idk....like how am I gonna be able to study hdejdbjssb

The strand I picked is STEM...IK thats like such an intimidating strand but hey I still did it for some reason and now I'm failing basic calculus..BASIC like HUH i swear like I was already struggling with PRE calculus what did I expect....but now i actually understand whatever the day is going on in the discussions which is a progress I guess

well Im pretty tired so I'm gonna head to bed hopefully i get a good nights rest!! BABAII GOODNIGHT

(this screenshot took ages to take i literally had to get in and out of the game just to play this part again to ss it HAHA)

[mycomori]

i’m tired and i am wondering why i tried to better myself and finally go to college like i wished i could have a decade ago when ive only spent that time surviving which sucks and i hate ti but in good at enduring what i also am good at though is escapism so obviously the alarm decade has also been filled w substance abuse and self harm and abuse and even more mental issues. and ive spent so long trying to keep my head above water even right now, i haven’t been able to focus on the actual root issues. its always been treating one of my disorders instead of the root causes. like first is was trusting my anorexia and then it was trying to get me to stop being a functional alcoholic since 2020 after getting out of treatment for my ed but having only had it treated physically and not mentally and now i’m just sitting here like what the fuck was all that for but simply keeping me from offing myself if i can’t even engage in the things i thihhht i always wanted because im not the same as i was then and on one and thats very good cause 18 yo me was a hot mess but at least she could function in an academic setting. somehow my confidence in myself has gotten even fucking lower of the years. ang perceived confidence gain has just been getting older ns serving i don’t give a fuck. or not enough of a fuck to worry about. cause i got a focus on survival. this place…this would have been my fucking dream when i was 18. but because of multiple reasons i couldn’t do that then. and i’ve spent the last decade falling behind. and now im in class w a bunch of 18 yos who are so much smarter and more well articulated than i think i ever was even at my most academically proficient because for me it was always about grades because that’s where i placed my self worth. i loved learning but it was drowned out but how low my self esteem was and a desire to prove myself. now that im supposed to be here just to learn for the love fo learning but im almost back on the same place ke as 10 years ago. i don’t know how to do this. it’s the steps i worked for and was denied and the step that’s kept me stuck in confining horrible situations. i don’t know how to do this. and i certainly don’t have the confidence for it. hell i’ve spent the last decade as a barista and yet i left my last cafe job with absolutely no confidence in myself even in making coffee and definitely not in myself as a person. i mean my self worth was already so low but then spending the last ten years in shitty working and personal situations has left me with somehow even less. and so so so much more tired. eternally tired. i don’t have the capacity for this anymore. maybe i’m just burnt out permanently. maybe all those years of never getting a fucking break mentally just fried my circuits. i’m just…broken now. maybe if id had the help i needed when i actually needed it i could have been soemthing more. maybe it’s time to just accept that im too old to do this. ten years was too long. i’m not built for this anymore. maybe i never was. i just like to learn. and i couldn’t rep being a barista or i was definitely gonna off myself sooner or later. i failed to go to college when i needed to and then i failed at every single thing ive ever worked for since. no fucking wonder i have no confidence. and now im gonna face my worst nightmare and fail this thing ive waited for so long. this ultimate thing. and yet ive lived in the real world and i know deep down that my prospects with a degree from this place are probably nothing i cab ever do. because i’m stupid. i keep almost crying at certain points typing this but then it just fades away because ive known all this for so long it’s like the ache fk an old scar. it still hurts but not as much or for as long. maybe i just need to accept that i fucked it. i fucked this life and now all i can do is try to be happy. and as much as i love to learn and wnat to learn and have cool opportunities it feels like that time has long passed for me. i burnt out before age 19. and then the last 9 years following i just tries to survive. and life burnt me out even

more and also fuck since when does timbkr have paragraph limits i guess that’s my sign this has gotten too long but i have really never had anyone to talk to but this void and that hasn’t really changes has it. i feel extra alone but the truth is ive always been alone. maybe if i wasn’t shit would be different. maybe if i had (or acceoted) help things would be different. but i feel like is we very little point in living when i look towards the future. which is sad cause ive felt that way for basically the last decade straight and its only gotten worse. like i know i have depression ive known that for a long time now o guess i never realized how chronic it is because my meds make it so i cab function on a basic level but they don’t change how i file about makes and the world. it seems pointless. the only point is life can be good soemtimes. butit feels overwhelmingly bad. when does it get better? i’ve been waiting for it to get better my whole life and it’s only gotten worse? when is enough?

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHHIII HOW ARE YOUUU

i didn’t send an ask yesterday cuz i was so sleepy💔💔

ANEEWAYSSS I FINISHED SEASON 3 OF DEMON SLAYER!!!! im addicted to this show even tho it’s so sad😞

omg i sound so stupid for saying this but i’ve noticed for the past two months or smth i’ve been putting on a pimple patch EVERYDAY cuz i’d get a lot of pimples and stuff but these past two days i haven’t put on any since i haven’t been getting any pimples🥳🥳

omg is it normal for me to feel bad about disliking a girl who literally hates on my friend.. THE REASON I FEEL BAD IS CUZ THE GIRL WAS OFFERING ME FRIED CHICKEN AFTER I DIDNT GET ANY LUNCH SINCE I FIRGOT MY MONEY😭 so i just POLITELY declined.. still don’t like her tho..

AGHHH IN GONNA GO INSANE today i was doing an in class science prject and my two friends were supposed to be helping me BUT THEY WERE JUST SITTIBF THE WHOLE TIME DOING NOTHIBG and i saw friend 1 pull friend 2 away while i was doing the project and i heard friend 1 saying to friend 2 how my face looked weird😞 i’m telling you if i wasn’t friends with friend 2 she would be FAILING geography and science.. like girl idk why you’re talking abt me like that💔

i also got a new diamond nose stud for my nose piercing😋😋 i still remember the pain from when i got my nose pierced in june.. i wish i did it by needle instead cuz i did it by gun and that shit was PAINFUL like tears were coming out of my eyes.. and my other ear piercings literallt did not hurt AT ALL.

i’m trying so hard not to drop the friend group that my twin friends are in.. like i personally don’t like the people they’re friends with because of some circumstances but i just don’t like being around those people since they’re bad influences.. i’m thinking i can just keep talking to one of twins since she’s like my close friend but just not hangout with her during lunch since she’s always with her brother and that friend group IDFK WHAT TO DOOOO😫😫😫😫

anyways.. i think that’s enough of my talking.. I HIPE YOU YAVE A LOVELY DAY/NIGHT!!!🫶🏼🫶🏼

-🪼

HI 🪼 ANON!! <33

again sorry for the delay i see u i love u and i appreciate u <3 YAYYY HELLO?? that went by so fast istg you just started it… BUT ALSO i hate when a good show ends like TOP 3 BIGGEST HEARTBREAKS IDC💔💔 YAY FOR NO PIMPLES!! im so happy for u bb <3 !! looks like accutane is doing the job fr🙂‍↕️

UM NO THATS NORMAL IF ANYTHING.. like why r u hating on my friend like… that just gives off weird loser vibes i can’t stand ppl who actually like people who r hating on their friends so GOOD FOR U GIRL 🫵🫵

NO WTF THOSE ARE NOT UR FRIENDS?? on GOD if they ever do shit like that just straight up start jumping them bc why r they so obsessed with u… (don’t get me wrong i would be too) but they’re just ugly losers girl don’t even listen to them and they’re stupid and spending the rest of their lives being miserable <333 don’t let it get to u angel🙂‍↔️

OOOOOO omg i remember i used to want a nose pericing SO BAD but now i want back dermals LMFAO omg that’s so cute tho like i LOVE body jewellery like CUTEEE‼️‼️

girl if u want to drop them drop them i promise u people that actually deserve to be around u will come later 1000 percent like they’re just dragging u down and they such like such haters and bitter people like i wouldn’t want to be associated with them.. but still hang out w the twins if they’re good people bc they sound so!! :)

LMK HOS IT GOES ILY ANGEL <3

[taintedcigs]

LETS FUCKING GOOO. AND I CAN QUOTE THIS TIME. HEHEHEHHE!

He could’ve been the one for you if it wasn’t for Steve. He could’ve been.  You could’ve loved him. You could’ve. JUST BARELY INTO THE CHAPTER AND IM ALREADY THINKING ABT KILLINGMYSELF JESUS. FIRST OF ALL EDDIE SHE LOVES YOU OH MYGOD. OPEN UR EYES!'!!!!!

“She’s not some girl, she’s my best friend.” “And you have feelings for her,” he says, stating the obvious. Eddie licks his lips, he had never admitted it to anyone before, he had only admitted it to himself. He looks at him and nods weakly, afraid to say these words out loud.  SHUT UPPP. DIMITRI IS SO MUCH SMARTR THAN OUR LITTLE IDIOTS AND I LUV HES THE FIRST PERSON EDDIE CAN ADMIT THIS TO. BC LIKE ITS EASIER TO TELL IT TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!

Then there is Heather. He is scared of Heather.  heather is a real ass bitch!!!

"You wouldn’t have left her for someone else, would you?” No, Eddie would never do this to you. Eddie would rather get his heart broken than be the one to break yours. “Never.” STOOOOPPP IM AVTUALLY CRYING. HE'S SO CUTE I JUST WANNA HUG HIM >:( NO ONE SHOULD GET THEIR HEART BROKEN. PLS STEDDIE X READER PULL THROUUGHHH.

“I’m pretty sure I failed math class because of her, she was always next to me – she always chose the seats next to me, I’m certain that she wasn’t even aware that she was doing it but she was there and I was there, and she was so focused on class while I spent the whole hour just staring at her. We weren’t friends back then but she always smiled at me even though we never really talked until last summer. We spent a night together after she had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend and then, she started paying more attention to me in school and then we became friends and then we got closer and closer and my plan to never catch feelings flew out the window,” IM ACTUALLY CRYING OVER THIS. OH OUR LITTLE LOVESICK PUPPY. I LUV HIM SSOO MUCH YOUR HONOR. UGH THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. IM GONNA DIE.

“The babysitter who is secretly dating both the mom and the dad,” he says with a smirk. LMAO. I THOUGHT THE DYNAMIC WOULD BE THE DUNGEON MASTER, THE QUEEN AND KING OF HAWKINS HIGH BUT IM LOVING BABYSITTER AND MOM AND DAD SO MUCH MOREEE

That night, he had put a ring on your middle finger, promising that the next one would be on your ring finger, only to crush your heart weeks later when he told you that he wasn’t in love with you anymore, that he fell in love with her. OH THIS STILL PISSED NE OFF SO MUCH YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS STEVIE!!! SMH MEN ALWAYS GIVING PROMISES AND NEVER FULFILLING THEM.

“Uh, well, Eddie rarely plays nowadays, he’s busy with work and the band but yeah, sure. You two should spend some time together.”  Steve raises his brows. Him and Eddie, spending time together? Eddie hates his guts. And, Steve doesn’t even blame him for it. But, he’s not a big fan of him either. Eddie has something that he wants back. EVERYBODY CLAM DWON EVERYBODY (ME) CALM DOWN STEDDIE X READER MIGHT HAPPEN. EVERYBODY. CALM. TF. DOWN.

“Maybe we can go back there sometime,” he whispers with hope in his heart.  “Yeah, maybe…” Though, while he sounds hopeful, you sound uncertain. And he knows, the reason isn't your past. But something, someone else. ANDY. YOU LITTLE MINX. HOW DARE U ENDIT RIGHT THERE OH MY FUCKING GOD

JDHGFDHJDFG IM SOOO. THIS WAS THE EPRFECT AMOUNT OF ANGST. I JUST CANNNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. IMSOSO EXCITED. TO SEE EVERYTHING UNFOLD. ESPECIALLY WSTEVE!S BDAY. AJHGRJHRG IM GONNA DIE.

ALSO IDK WHAT ELSE I EXPECTED FROM A RWYLM INSPIRED CHAPTER. BUT LIKE. I JUST THOUGHT WE WERE LISTENING TO TAYLOR SWIFT!!! I DIDNT THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCESSSS. PLS FIX THIS WITH LOTS OF FLUFF NEXT CHAPTER BFF.

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part twenty five

Warnings: angst, mentions of heartbreak, mentions of unrequited love. love triangle. not proofread

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: As the summer is starting to come to an end, you begin to understand your feelings a little more. While Steve and Eddie struggle with their own.

Word count: 4.8k

A/N: So, I know I said that this would be the birthday chapter but I decided to split it! Do the angst first and give you the fluff later. I'd need much more time to finish it and I really wanted to give you guys something, so here ya go, enjoy it. Next chapter is gonna be silly, it’s gonna be fun (after a little angst in the beginning hehe)

Also for those who forgot who Dmitri is, it’s ‘Enzo’ from season 4.

oh and also, listen to this one while you read this chapter :')

series masterlist

-

The strong smell of oil lingers in the air, loud noises fill the large hall, laughter and chatter from the break room, the music from the radio at the front desk, yet none of the sounds manage to distract Eddie from the storm that is taking place in his mind. 

Your words keep repeating themselves over and over again. 

I wish I met you first, Eddie. 

That night, he laid next to you and watched you sleep, thinking about your words, over and over again. He could not make sense of them. 

What does it mean? 

He could not even ask you what it meant, after you had said it, he was too shocked to even say anything, at that moment. He could only stare at you, his heart racing, his eyes wide as he watched you stare at his lips. His first instinct was to swoon over these few simple words, over the way you had looked at him, over the way you had showed up at his place because you missed him, over the way you rather wanted to be with him than at a party or somewhere else. 

I wish I met you first, Eddie. 

Does that mean that you would’ve been with him if you met him first? 

Does that mean that he would’ve been the one for you? 

Does that mean that you could’ve fallen for him instead? 

That he could’ve had a chance?

In some way, you must feel something for him. It’s something that he never fully allowed himself to question, if you have feelings for him or not, he can’t get his hopes up, not when it comes to you. You are too perfect, too out of reach. You love Steve, you still love Steve, he knows it. Yet, your words made him question everything. Your friendship, the intimacy, the lingering touches, the stolen glances, your affection. But, that is all something that has been there from the start. It has always been so natural for you to be so close with him. It’s not something new, it might not even be anything special to you. Eddie might not be anything special to you, not the way Steve is, at least. 

He could’ve been the one for you if it wasn’t for Steve. 

He could’ve been. 

You could’ve loved him. You could’ve. 

“What’s with that long face?” Dmitri asks, his voice thick with the russian accent that everyone keeps teasing him for. With a slap on Eddie’s shoulder, he snaps him out of his thoughts, “pass me the screwdriver, boy.”

Eddie nods, not answering the question. He reaches for the tool, he hands it to the older man. Dmitri looks curious as he eyes the expression on his face but Eddie knows that he won’t ask. He’ll wait for him to speak up himself. But, that is something that Eddie usually never does. He’s never one to talk about his feelings, to ask for help or even advice, until now. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure,” Dmitri mumbles, pulling away from the chevy, he flips the tool in his hand, leaning against the truck.

As Eddie thinks about the question that has been lingering in his mind, all weekend, he suddenly feels stupid. No answer will be one that he wants to hear. 

“Forget it,” Eddie mumbles.

Dmitri raises his brows. 

“Spit it out, come on.”

Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hates this. He hates talking about his feelings, but he needs to. 

“There’s uh, there’s this girl.” 

“Ah, I knew it,” he chuckles. “It’s always about some girl when someone mops around all day and looks like this.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“She’s not some girl, she’s my best friend.”

“And you have feelings for her,” he says, stating the obvious. 

Eddie licks his lips, he had never admitted it to anyone before, he had only admitted it to himself. He looks at him and nods weakly, afraid to say these words out loud. 

“Yeah, but uh, she’s still in love with her ex boyfriend, who she’s friends with again,” he rolls his eyes. “Last Friday, she came to me, drunk and high and telling me how much she missed me and then she said something that’s been messing with my mind all fucking weekend!” 

Eddie isn’t sure why he is telling him all that. Dmitri is friends with Wayne, a colleague and not even someone he’d consider a friend. But, maybe that’s what he needs, to talk to someone who is not a friend. 

He considered talking to Robin but, knowing her, she’d only pick Steve’s side again and tell Eddie to take a step back. 

Then, there is Gareth, who would only tease him about his crush on you and not be of any help. 

Jeff would only give him false hope and encourage him to make a move on you, that is something that could potentially ruin your friendship, and that is something that is way too important to him. Chrissy would do just the same. The girl who had been snappy with him at first, won’t stop teasing him about his crush on you now. 

Then there is Heather. He is scared of Heather. 

“She told me that she wished that she met me first. What does it even mean? That we could’ve been something if we met first?” He asks, throwing his hands up as he voices his questions out loud for the first time. “We can’t be anything now because she’s already in love with him? Because she could never love me after loving him?” Eddie buries his hands in his curls, huffing. “Jesus Christ, I made peace with the fact I can never have her but fuck, she goes and says this.”

“You are way too negative, boy. Has anyone ever told you that? Who says that you can’t have her?” 

“I’m not negative, I’m just seeing things the way they are.” 

Dmitri shakes his head, scrunching his face up in disapproval. 

“No, you are seeing things the way you want to see them because you refuse to believe that she could ever love you,” he says, pointing at him with the screwdriver. “You see her words negatively without even knowing what she actually meant.”

Eddie shakes his head, stubbornly. 

“Tell me,” Dmitri sighs. “That guy, her ex boyfriend, did he break her heart?” 

“Fucking crushed it,” Eddie frowns. “He left her for another girl. She was – she was so heartbroken, I think she still is.”

He nods, “alright, well, she went through heartbreak and a lot of hurt. But, now she has you. Maybe, she loves you, maybe she is even in love with you but she’s scared just like you are. She’s scared of losing you as a friend, of getting her heart broken again, the trust isn’t there anymore after she’s been left for someone else. Maybe she wants to be with you but she is struggling. If she met you first, she would’ve never been with him, in the first place, she wouldn’t have gotten her heart broken, she would’ve loved you fearlessly and you would’ve loved her too, you wouldn’t have left her for someone else, would you?” 

No, Eddie would never do this to you. Eddie would rather get his heart broken than be the one to break yours. 

“Never.”

“See, things could’ve been so simple if she met you first, that’s what she was trying to say. But now, she has all these fears and all these trust issues and probably thinks she isn’t good enough – just what you are dealing with too, Eddie. I don’t know your girl but I’m sure she’s worth fighting for. And, from what Wayne told me about you two, you seem to make each other happy.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen, he is stunned. 

Wayne talks about the two of you? 

He doesn’t know how to feel about Dmitri’s words, knowing that they might hold more false hope than the actual truth for him. 

But, Eddie knows, he feels that there is something. And yet, even if, your feelings for Steve will always be stronger. 

“But she still loves him.”

“Was he her first love?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Ah,” he nods. “Well, you know what? First love is always gonna be something special. I would know.”

Eddie raises his brows at him. 

“I used to be married.” 

Eddie’s head snaps up, he looks at him in surprise, “wait, really? I never knew.”

Dmitri chuckles, shrugging, “well, it’s not important anymore.”

“Why aren’t you together anymore?” 

Dmitri sighs, he places the tool back on the table, reaching for the hanky in his pocket, he looks down at his oil stained hands and begins to clean them.

“Things just didn’t work out. She met someone else, fell in love and uh our marriage was just history.” 

“Oh,” Eddie frowns. 

“Yeah, and you know what? I hated her for a while, she hurt me. But I let go, I moved on and I accepted that I will always love her, despite how much I hated her for the first few months after she left. You can’t erase the past, we used to have something good before it all went wrong. She was special to me and even now, it’s something special when I look back on the good moments. But, never in a million years would I go back to it again or leave my girlfriend for her if she ever wanted me back. The past is the past. And first love is rarely ever true love.” 

Eddie understands what he is trying to say, yet somehow, he struggles to believe that you could ever move on from Steve. 

“Don’t give up, Eddie. She won’t always be hung up on him.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles. Though, he can’t help but struggle to believe it. Maybe it’s his stubborn mind that can’t let go of the idea of you being unable to let go of Steve for someone like him or maybe, he is just too afraid to get his hopes up only to lose not only his heart but also his mind at the end of it all. 

“Have you ever been in love? I mean, besides with her?” Dmitri asks Eddie, who furrows his brows and shakes his head. 

“Nah, not really,” Eddie mumbles, snorting as he thinks back to his younger self. The one who closed himself off completely, never letting anyone in to even see a glimpse of the real Eddie. “It was never for me, love. I mean, I had a few crushes here and there but it was never anything serious, you know? But shit, I always watched her when we were still in high school,” Eddie says, not even feeling the smile that is creeping up on his face as he thinks back to those days. “I’m pretty sure I failed math class because of her, she was always next to me – she always chose the seats next to me, I’m certain that she wasn’t even aware that she was doing it but she was there and I was there, and she was so focused on class while I spent the whole hour just staring at her. We weren’t friends back then but she always smiled at me even though we never really talked until last summer. We spent a night together after she had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend and then, she started paying more attention to me in school and then we became friends and then we got closer and closer and my plan to never catch feelings flew out the window,” he says, dramatically. 

Dmitri chuckles at Eddie, shaking his head. 

“What’s life without love, Eddie?” 

“Less suffering?” He mumbles. 

“Well, yeah. Some people get lucky though.”

Eddie fears that he won’t be one of those who will ever get lucky, especially when it comes to love. 

But maybe, maybe there is just the smallest sliver of hope inside of him. 

-

August is coming to an end, the summer days are slowly passing, fall is coming closer and so is Steve’s birthday. It’s tomorrow. It’s been a while since you had last seen him. It’s been a while since you had hung out with him in a group, let alone. The past few weeks, you have spent a lot of time by yourself, you needed it, you needed it to collect your feelings. Robin was right. 

Though, you could not stay away from Eddie for too long. He is your best friend, you can’t be without him and you won’t let your feelings ruin yet another friendship. 

Despite the distance between you and Steve, you made it a mission to go on a hunt for the perfect birthday present for him. It’s something that Heather rolled her eyes at when you told her about it, this morning. ‘Who in their right mind would buy their ex boyfriend a birthday present?’ She had asked, scoffing. Really, no one would do that, no one except for you. But you and Steve, you have a history that you can’t and don’t want to erase. Not only was he your best friend, once. He was also there when you needed him, when he didn’t even have to be there. 

He gave you a birthday present and he kept up the tradition the two of you had. 

You know that he isn’t alone anymore, that he has Dustin and Robin now, people who care for him, people who love him and won’t leave him hanging on a day like this, but you still want to do something that you used to do when you were still.. friends. 

“I’m telling you, y/n, the Star Wars movie collection would be the best decision ever!” 

Dustin exclaims as he walks through the downtown streets next to you. 

“Dustin, I know you’re a little Star Wars geek but there’s just no way that he will be happy to unwrap a collection of movies that he’s not even a fan of!” 

Dustin rolls his eyes at you, “listen, if there’s someone that can turn him into a ‘Star Wars geek’ then that’s you!” 

“But I’m not a Star Wars geek,” you mumble, furrowing your brows at the boy. 

“Then you and Steve can become geeks together,” he smiles enthusiastically. “You could have movie nights, just watch Star Wars together,” he winks. 

You shake your head at him. 

“I see what you’re trying to do and you’re really no help, Dustin.” 

“I’m not doing anything,” he feigns innocence. “You need a birthday present for Steve and asked for help, so that’s what I’m doing, I’m trying to help.” 

“Well, I was thinking I’d get him a cool bracelet–” “Boring!” He yawns. 

“Hey!” You frown, raising your hand, you ruffle his curls, making him groan in annoyance. 

“Stop!” 

You chuckle at him when he slaps your hand away. Pointing at you with a stern look on his face, “you really need to stop ruining my hair!” 

“Don’t worry, the Farrah Fawcett spray holds your perfect hairstyle together, Dusty bun.” You giggle. “How’s Suzie doing, by the way?” 

He rolls his eyes again, sighing, dramatically. 

“You’re like the older sister I never wanted.” 

You gasp, putting your hand over your heart, “ouch, I thought you liked me.” 

“I do, and I don’t even know why,” he jokes, giggling when you pretend to cry. 

“You only like me cause I drive you around when your mama Steve is working.” 

He laughs, throwing his head back. 

“If he is the mom, then what does that make you and Eddie?” 

You furrow your brows, looking up as you pretend to think, “hmm, Eddie is the chaotic dad and I’m uh, I dunno, the cool babysitter.”

“The babysitter who is secretly dating both the mom and the dad,” he says with a smirk. 

“Dustin!” You exclaim as you halt in your tracks, while he keeps walking, laughing when he turns around to look at you, he keeps working backwards. 

“You should’ve seen your face!” 

“Very funny!”

He stops walking when he notices something in the window at the video store, “ooh, look, Star Wars! I’m gonna check it out, you should too!” He says before he turns around and rushes into the store. 

You roll your eyes, groaning. You’re about to follow him inside the store, when your eyes fall on the couple leaving the restaurant across the street. Enzo’s. You have only been there once. Steve took you there on a date, it was an amazing night, you remember every detail of it. How he gave you the prettiest bouquet of flowers that you had ever seen when he picked you up, how he kissed you and told you how beautiful you looked when you wore a midnight blue dress, how sweet and nice he was, so different from the night before when you fought at his party. He was a gentleman that night, he held you softly, he kissed you gently, he held your hand at the restaurant and he only looked at you, not at the young waitress that kept trying to throw him glances. He only looked at you because you were the one he wanted. That night, he had put a ring on your middle finger, promising that the next one would be on your ring finger, only to crush your heart weeks later when he told you that he wasn’t in love with you anymore, that he fell in love with her. 

That night has haunted you for weeks and months after he had dumped you. Every night, you glared at the ceiling, thinking about the things he had said to you that night, the promises he made, the hope he gave, the love he gave. How you had sat there so pathetically in love not knowing that only days later he would meet her. 

You feel even more pathetic now because it still hurts, because it still shakes the ground beneath you, because it still feels like it just happened yesterday when you think back to that day. It shouldn’t hurt anymore, at least not like this but you get sucked back into the past so easily. 

All it ever took was to hear his name to feel the pain all over again. But months have passed, things have changed, you have changed and it all got a little easier. You’re even friends again. 

But now, it’s the memories, the one that you have locked away, the ones that are still holding you back. 

As you stare at the restaurant, realization floods through you like a cold wave that would make you gasp and shudder. 

You haven’t let go of them, of the memories, of the past, of the old him. Even after so many months, even after making yourself and everyone else believe that you had let go, you never really did. And that is the cause of all of the messes in your head and in your heart. The past keeps calling for you, the past keeps pulling you back. 

You feel stuck. You are stuck. You are still stuck in the past. 

It’s why you can’t move on, it’s why you can’t find happiness, it’s why you can’t find yourself in this timeline because you are stuck in a time that no longer exists. 

You never let go, you never let go of him, you never let go of the anger and the pain that is rooted so deeply inside of you. It’s not even his fault, it’s your own, because you couldn’t let go of all the memories you have made with him, good and bad. 

You have a second chance with him now, you gave him one, despite how wrong it was to do so, you gave him and your friendship a second chance because you did not want to lose him again. He is right in front of you and he is trying, he is trying to be good, he is trying to be your friend. Yet, you kept holding onto something that died a long time ago.

Dustin calls your name, but you are still staring at the restaurant. 

“Hey,” Dustin waves his hand in front of you, watching you in concern, “you… okay?”

You snap out of your thoughts, blinking. You clear your throat, looking into Dustin’s worried eyes, “y-yeah!” 

He looks back, checking out what you’ve been staring at for so long. 

“You uh, don’t plan on buying him a restaurant do you?” 

You crack a smile, shaking your head at the young teen. 

“Come on, I gotta show you something, you’re gonna love it!” He grins as he grabs your hand and drags you into the store, pulling you away from something that had thrown your world upside down, yet again. 

-

The window is open in his room, the cold breeze kisses his skin, distant thunder crashes through the sky but lighting is yet to be seen. The room is silent, as is the rest of the house, as always. Steve is sitting on his bed, his eyes keep flickering back and forth between the watch on his nightstand and the telephone. 

He is waiting, waiting for something that might not happen this year. 

It’s almost midnight. It’s almost his birthday. 

He is willing you to call. He needs you to. He needs to hear your voice, it’s been too long since he had last heard you, since he had last seen you. You had distanced yourself from everyone for a moment, but especially from him. Robin had told him that you needed it, that you needed some time to yourself. And while he understood why, he still felt sad when you stopped showing up at Scoops Ahoy every lunch break. 

He glances at the watch. The clock strikes 12, but the phone isn’t ringing and he fears that it won’t at all. He knew it wouldn’t. He knew you wouldn’t call. Yet, he can’t help but feel disappointment sinking through him. This will be the first year without a call from you at midnight on his birthday. 

He closes his eyes. 

His parents aren’t here, and they won’t be when he wakes up in the morning. They won’t be here, he already knows it. Despite the promise that they had made, he knows they won’t show up. And this time, you won’t be here either. 

For the first time in a while, he feels like crying again. 

It’s 12:01 when the shrill sound of the ringing telephone almost makes him jump up from his bed. He opens his eyes, staring at it for a second before he picks up the phone with a pounding heart and hope in his eyes. 

“Hello?”

For a moment, he can only hear his racing heart and silence on the other line. 

“Hey.”

It’s you. 

You called him, after all. 

“Happy birthday, Steve,” you whisper in a way that mends his hurting heart in an instant. 

He blinks the tears away that have threatened to fall just seconds ago. 

“T-Thank you, Dolly,” he whispers. “I didn’t think you’d call.”

“I always call.” 

“Yeah, but.. things are different now. I’d understand if you didn’t call,” he says, though he wanted nothing more than to hear your voice. For weeks, he had craved to see you, to hear your voice, to feel your presence. But especially tonight, because this used to be something special to you and him. 

You are quiet. For a long minute, you don’t say anything. Steve can tell that you are struggling. 

“But we’re friends, right?” 

“Yes, we’re friends,” he whispers, sadly. 

He pictures the look on your face, right now. He thinks that it matches the sad one on his.

“I missed you,” Steve whispers. 

He can hear your breath hitching in your throat. 

“I missed you too.”

That alone, is enough to make his heart flutter in his chest. You missed him.

You clear your throat. 

“S-So are you throwing a big party tomorrow?” 

Steve lays back, letting himself fall into the soft pillows. 

“No, I think I’m done with those.” 

There haven’t been many parties that ever brought him anything good. Most of them ended badly for him. 

“Oh, but you always used to throw birthday parties.”

He can hear the frown in your voice and he can’t help but smile at that. 

“I’m getting old,” he jokes. 

You laugh at his words, not knowing that the sound of it causes his heart to beat wildly. 

“Oh yeah, you’re such an old man, Harrington,” you tease. “How’d you manage to keep the good looks?” You ask with a giggle. 

His eyes widen and his cheeks heat up. He can feel the blush on his cheeks now. 

“I uh– well, I eat healthy and I work out,” he mumbles, scrunching his face up. 

“You work out, huh? Just when you leave the basketball team, you start working out even more.”

He chuckles. He raises his hand towards his hair, running his fingers through it. 

“Well, I get bored after work and when Robin and Dustin aren’t around to be little shitheads, I use the gym that my dad built for no reason. That old man never uses it.” 

You snort. 

“You should start playing DnD with the guys.” 

“You mean with Eddie?” Steve asks, rolling his eyes. 

“Uh, well, Eddie rarely plays nowadays, he’s busy with work and the band but yeah, sure. You two should spend some time together.” 

Steve raises his brows.

Him and Eddie, spending time together?

Eddie hates his guts. And, Steve doesn’t even blame him for it. But, he’s not a big fan of him either. Eddie has something that he wants back. 

The thought of spending time with him seems like something out of a fever dream. 

“I think you’d actually get along if you both tried.” 

He frowns at your words, shaking his head as though you can see him. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m sorry but no.” 

“You’re both so stubborn, I swear. Trust me, you’re not that much different from each other – Eddie also loves KFC.” 

Steve snorts at your words, rolling his eyes. 

“Did it traumatize you when he took you to KFC for the first time? You know, cause you always hated it so much when I took you there?” 

You giggle. 

“Oh, it was so traumatizing, Steve. I almost had a panic attack.” 

“Always so dramatic, honey,” he says so naturally. 

“You know me.”

You are both smiling, both laying in your beds as you talk on the phone for the first time in forever. This used to be a regular thing a long time ago.

“How are you?” He asks the question that has been lingering on his mind forever. “I haven’t seen you since we met up for lunch.” When Robin had crushed the ‘date’ that he was looking forward to. 

“I’m... good.” 

“Are you?” 

“Yeah,” you whisper. “I’m good.” 

Steve had wondered what went wrong. That day you had met up with him, you seemed so nervous, so anxious and worried. He could not ask you back then, he didn’t want to pressure you. And then, you and Robin had disappeared. When she came back without you and she told him that you needed some time to yourself, that he should stay away from you for a little while, he couldn’t help but feel sick with worry. 

“Robin said you needed some time to yourself, are you okay?” 

“Yeah. I-I uh, I just needed to be alone for a little.”

“Oh.” 

Alone. Alone but with Eddie. 

“So, what are you doing for your birthday if you’re not throwing a party?”

“I’m gonna have dinner with my parents.” 

“Oh! They’re gonna be there?” You ask, surprised. 

“Yeah,” Steve says, knowing that they won’t be there. He wishes you would be there. He wishes that he could spend the day with you. But he can’t ask, knowing that you will say yes only because you won’t be able to say no. 

“That’s nice, Steve.” You say. In a way, it sounds like there is something else you want to tell him. 

“Yeah..”

“D-Do you remember when we went to Enzo’s, last year?” You ask after a beat of silence.

“Yes, of course, I remember,” he says so simply, like he didn’t crush your heart weeks after giving false hope and promises he never kept. 

You’re quiet, again. And despite not seeing you, he knows that you’re sad when he feels his heart clenching. 

“It was.. one of the best dates I’ve ever been on, Steve.” 

Your voice has changed so suddenly, it sounds sick with sadness. 

He remembers it, he remembers it just the way you do. 

Right now, he wants nothing more than to go back to that night, just to see you smile again, just to feel your touch again, just to be with you again. He wants to go back to a night where you had still loved him, where he hadn’t ruined anything yet. 

“Maybe we can go back there sometime,” he whispers with hope in his heart. 

“Yeah, maybe…”

Though, while he sounds hopeful, you sound uncertain.

And he knows, the reason isn't your past. But something, someone else.

-

taglist for friends and mutuals

@taintedcigs @hellfire--cult @mysticmunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @succubusmunson @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @corrodedcorpses @corrodedseraphine @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @take-everything-you-can @nemesis729 @chrissymjstan

[thankeywa]

hi babes i hope YOU MISSED MY SUPER DETAILED REQUESTS! so, for a long time now im craving for the “rut”, “heat”, “nest” and other a/b/o dynamics inserted on avatar universe, so i WAS HOPING:

could you pretty please write something about lo’ak and reader (a female na’vi) where they're best friends and both insanely in love w each other – reader already had her "cerimony" meaning she needs to find a partner soon, but lo'ak has been convincing readers parents to decline any mate offers because none of them is good enough for her. one day, reader's heat come and bsf lo’ak comes to the rescue? i need a cocky possessive lo’ak in my life and I KNOW you're the one whos gonna gimme !!!!!

lov u, drink water and stay safe <3

The Right Profile | Lo'ak x fem!Omaticaya! reader (a/b/o smut).

Happy Valentine's Day to all my readers! As always, requests are open. Minors DNI!

A.N= everyone needs to know that every time you send me a request my mind makes me put everything on standby until I get it done. Also, I have a major weakness for a/b/o and I've been dying for someone to send me a request like this, so yeah, your wish is my command. For anyone who wanted the new installment of Star-crossed instead of this, you can send your complaints to @punkrockrogers (I'm kidding, obviously).

Summary: exactly what's in the request but I found some juicy canon info about Lo'ak failing to tame an ikran on his first attempt and almost dying in the process, and you can bet I'm going to use that for this fic. So, our boi failed his driver's test therefore he does not get to smash. Both Lo'ak and reader are aged up (20 y/o). Title from the song 'The right profile' by the Clash. Quotes in this: one is from Avatar 2009 and the other is by Goethe.

T.W= this is going to be A LOT, if there ever were an Omegaverse phd course, I would be teaching that class, so if that stuff is not for you, scroll away now. NSFW: p. in v., a/b/o dynamics, mating cycles (heat, rut), marking, scent marking, knotting, breeding, also possessive!Lo'ak (our boi is a lil ooc in this, I don't condone this type of behavior in a relationship, it's all for the sake of the story, you know the drill, if this might be disturbing to you, again give this story a miss).

word count: 8k

Mini na'vi dictionary:

'evi= child (said affectionately by an elder)

Tsurokx= rest/sleep

yawne= beloved

syulang= flower

Ngaytxoa= forgive me

Oeya= my (possessive)

yìmkxa= banshee catcher

The Na'vi say that every person is born twice. The second time is when you earn your place among the people, forever.

"I do not wish to take part in the Uniltaron without you." Y/n had told Lo'ak, still distraught from the events of that day. His best friend had been the first of their group to manage to tame her ikran, of course, she had. And now she was set to take part in the Dream Hunt before finally taking her rightful place among the people along with the rest of Lo'ak's peers, while he was left behind.

He had failed and almost fallen to his death during his attempt, and now his parents were going to make him wait until he was 'truly ready' before he could try again. His father had thought it was somehow his business to step in and stop him from trying his second attempt at taming the banshee then and there. Lo'ak had never felt more embarrassed, especially because y/n had immediately dismounted from her ikran and run to his aid the second she'd seen the scene unfold before her eyes.

"You have already waited five years for me to complete my training..." Lo'ak dismissed her words. "And I won't be the reason you wait any longer..." Y/n had never said it out loud, but Lo'ak knew it was true. She'd been postponing her rite of passage so that they would have joined the clan together, and he couldn't deal with it anymore.

"But Lo'ak, I do not care about-"

"Well, you should care." He snapped at her, not really knowing where his anger was coming from. Sure, he'd just had what could have been described as the worst day of his life, but something and been simmering inside him all week. And now Lo'ak felt like he'd reached his limit. In a few hours, the young Na'vi male was going to discover that anger was only a prelude to his first rut. "Everything comes easy to you, but it's like you don't even notice! No one ever said we needed to be attached to the hip for the rest of our lives, so why don't you just get over it and do what's expected of you?"

The second he saw the heartbroken look on y/n's face, Lo'ak wanted to take it all back. He hadn't meant to say any of those things, of course he hadn't. She was his best friend, she was the woman he loved, yet he'd passed up his chances to ever be with her twice in a single day. He was petty and weak, unable to own up to his own shortcomings, and now he was taking it out on the only person in the world who would have never judged him for it.

"I see..." Y/n said, her voice laced with grief. For a single, stupid second Lo'ak had deluded himself into thinking she was about to say 'I see you', it was what he wanted to tell her. He'd been wanting to tell her for so long. "I have... been foolish. I thought that maybe you... that we..." Y/n wiped a tear away from her face, and stepped back from Lo'ak when he tried to reach out for her. "I do not need your pity." She hissed at him, feeling that Lo'ak had just rejected her. "You have made yourself understood."

With that, y/n disappeared from Lo'ak sight and into the darkness of the night. By the time Neteyam found him, Lo'ak was already in the throes of a terrible fever. His father and brother took him to a secluded place where he would have been safe, but couldn't do much for him besides that. Moat had said the rut hit Lo'ak so suddenly that he was beyond being helped with any sort of treatment. He had no mate, and neither did he have the right to choose one. Left alone to endure the most excruciating pain known to the Omaticaya people.

A lot could change in a week. Especially when it came to things taking a drastic turn for the worse. Lo'ak, who was still experiencing the occasional violent aftershock from the trauma he'd just finished enduring all by himself, was about to get accustomed to a whole new kind of pain.

"We seek your guidance, Tsahik." Y/n's parents had come to speak to his grandmother, while she was still in the process of checking he hadn't suffered any irreparable damage during his absence. "Our daughter, y/n, does not wish to wait for love to find her. She has invoked the old ways, asking us to choose a mate for her." Another violent fit wreaked havoc over Lo'ak's body, but this time he wasn't entirely sure it was due to the aftermath of his rut. Moat had told him the worst was now behind him. "Cease your whining, 'evi." She reprimanded him. "Only by regaining your strength will you find the way to be whole again." While that statement sounded overtly obvious to him, the look his grandmother gave him made him think she was trying to tell him something more.

"Forgive us, we have come at a bad time." Y/n's mother said, directing her sympathies to Lo'ak. They had always been kind toward him. "Your grandson is still injured, y/n has been heartbroken about it. We have prayed to Eywa every day for your swift recovery-"

"He has recovered." Moat cut her off. "And your daughter cannot force her childish whims on you. She is a woman, a warrior of this clan, she cannot hide behind her parents. We only arrange the marriages of future Tsahik and Olo'eyktan, for they are given gifts by Eywa herself to guide the people. The old ways have brought nothing but suffering, I remember the time when they were enforced all too well. They are only to be invoked in drastic situations, such as the event of a heat."

"We are grateful for your wisdom, Tsahik." Y/n father said. "But that is precisely what we fear... she is already showing signs. Every day our daughter grows weaker. We know she may not survive without a mate, and now it is too late for her to make her own choice."

"Fools." Moat almost spat. "Bring her to me at once-"

Lo'ak was on his feet and running out of the healing tent at once, no longer willing to listen to a single word of that conversation. Mating cycles were usually something that a couple faced together, but he and y/n had waited too long for their rite of passage. In that time they hadn't found the person who was truly right for them, so now y/n was going to force herself to be with someone or face her heat alone, along with the consequences that entailed. And it wasn't like Lo'ak could step up and ask her parents to marry her, he wasn't even part of the clan. Not only that, y/n also probably thought he wanted nothing to do with her.

He went looking for y/n everywhere. She wasn't in her tent, nor was she staying with her parents. Word was she'd gone hunting, and after a desperate search, Lo'ak ended up finding her in his own living quarters when he returned home in the early hours of the morning. As much as Lo'ak wanted to yell at y/n in frustration because he'd been worried sick over her, the sight of her sleeping peacefully quelled his anger. He knelt down to touch her forehead, and let out a breath of relief. Her body temperature hadn't drastically risen just yet.

Lo'ak took a look around and only then noticed y/n had rounded up the entirety of his possessions to surround herself with in her sleep. She had made a bed out of the skins and paintings which used to adorn the inside of his tent while holding on rather tightly to a piece of fabric he quickly recognized as one of his loincloths. He felt himself turn into a deep shade of blue in the face and attempted to gently tug the item out of her grip, but y/n growled menacingly in her sleep, immediately making Lo'ak give up on his intent. He did not wish to wake her. Not when it was clear she'd been so distressed, she'd felt the need to make herself a nest just to feel safe.

"Tsurokx, yawne..." Lo'ak wished her a good sleep, and went to tell her family she'd been found.

Her parents were thankful, and just because Lo'ak was not allowed to catch a single break, it turned out y/n parents trusted him so much they began to ask him his personal opinion on the skxawngs that had already shown up to ask them to be her mate. Lo'ak respected y/n's parents and knew they were only worried about their daughter, but he was running on zero hours of sleep, and the image of y/n curled up in a nest she'd made of his belongings was still too fresh in his mind, so he let his worst side get the better of him. He lied. Something so deeply human, his people did not even have a word for it.

"...I would not even consider Selkath, he is too arrogant to even see past himself..."

"Pantoran is weak, I would not trust him to provide for your daughter..."

"... I have known Skakoan to have used cruel words against y/n. She does not deserve her..."

The more he spoke, the more Lo'ak realized he was describing himself and the way he had treated y/n, not giving a true judgment of his peers. And her parents were trusting him with that information, even though he had absolutely no authority to be judging anyone. But there was no reason to worry, a fresh batch of idiots would have shown up to declare their 'love' soon enough, over and over again until eventually someone was found.

Lo'ak slept on the cold hard ground just outside his tent, barely getting an hour's sleep before the day began for the rest of the clan.

"Showing your worth to the clan, as usual, Su-ly?" A voice Lo'ak knew all too well asked, as he was 'accidentally' stepped on and woken up. Tholothian had never been too shy about disliking Lo'ak, and the feeling was entirely mutual. "Watch where you're going, Tho'lo." He growled as he stood up, certainly not in the mood to be taking anyone's crap. The other Na'vi was also standing entirely too close to the tent where y/n was currently resting, and Lo'ak was about the get real territorial real fast if the skxawng didn't back off. The low rumble in his throat was still there, and Lo'ak was making it very clear he was not to be messed with at that moment.

Tholothian, who thrived off humiliating the younger Sully brother in any way possible, had to take a step back. Lo'ak had been missing for an entire week, and now that he was back, he seemed to have doubled in size. He was taller, his shoulders wider, his once delicate-looking human hands bigger, and his muscles considerably more defined. And his entire demeanor also seemed... different, menacing almost. Never before would he have considered Lo'ak Sully competition, least of all a threat. So he decided to back off, for the time being at least.

What he wanted was y/n, and Lo'ak couldn't claim her. There was no pride in kicking someone down when they had already lost. Or was there? "I was just on my way to see, y/n..." Tholothian gloated, knowing it was a sore subject for Lo'ak. "You must have heard... she is searching for a mate..." The look on Lo'ak face darkened considerably, and it would have been a lie not to admit he was reaching for his dagger to challenge Tho'lo to a duel and see which of them could draw first blood, when y/n audibly called Lo'ak's name from inside the tent.

Tholothian paled considerably when he heard y/n call out to his rival and Lo'ak smirked, basking in the pride he felt at that moment. Y/n was probably waiting inside to give him an earful about disappearing for a week, but Tho'lo didn't know that. "Yeah, man. I heard." He sneered, his cocky attitude back in full swing. "I'd wish you luck, but I think it'd be fairer if I gave you a little advice instead..." Lo'ak lowered his voice and pointed his dagger in the direction of Tho'lo chest. "If you, or anyone of your friends, come sniffing after y/n again, just know you're going to have to get through me first." He snarled, showing a full set of teeth, before heading back inside to see y/n.

"Hey..."

"Hey? That's all you have to say?" At least she was still lucid enough to be mad at him, Lo'ak thought. There was still time. Y/n threw the first thing she could find at his head, but Lo'ak managed to dodge it. "Where were you?"

"I was sick." Lo'ak said, and cautiously sat down next to her. He didn't know how else to describe what he'd been through, without inadvertently bringing up her own situation.

"Sick?" Y/n asked, still not understanding why he'd been away from home if he'd been ill.

"I'm sorry I missed your ceremony." Lo'ak said truthfully, the regret clear in his voice, even though he'd just avoided her question. "And the dream hunt, and all of it... the reason why doesn't matter, I should have been there for you."

Y/n hugged her knees to her chest, her worry not subsiding at all. What could have been so bad, Lo'ak couldn't even tell her about it?

"So... you're going to be mated soon..." Lo'ak didn't even know why he said it, other than the fact he was always the one to break the silence and say the things others wouldn't. "Why are you making your parents choose for you?" He asked when she didn't respond. "Y/n you know that's stupid..."

"What? Now honoring our traditions is stupid?" Y/n snapped at him, barely leaving any distance between them. "Weren't you the one who said I acted like I didn't care? That I should start doing what's expected of me?" She threw his words back in his face and Lo'ak immediately understood how the entire insane idea of an arranged marriage had come to her in the first place. He'd made her feel less than worthy, like she wasn't grateful enough to be part of the people, and now she was trying to make up for it, even though it was never true in the first place.

"Y/n... I never should have said those words... I wasn't myself that day, you have to believe me..." Lo'ak implored her, but it wasn't enough to keep the tears from rushing down her face.

"Well, it doesn't matter now..." Y/n kept half the truth to herself. She'd childishly thought that Lo'ak would have tried to prevent her from her recklessness and chosen her himself. But clearly, it had been a fantasy. "Lo'ak, I know what's happening to me... and I'm scared, I don't know what's worse, facing it alone or...or..."

Lo'ak pulled y/n into his arms then, holding her close as he felt her tremble against his chest. "You won't have to face this on your own, and... and I'll make sure you'll be with someone worthy, who'll take good care of you..." His words were like daggers to her chest, because there was no one else she could ever want besides him, yet she understood Lo'ak was trying his best to comfort her. Y/n buried her face in the crook of Lo'ak's neck, breathing in his scent. It was a lot stronger now, and only at that point did she realize so many things about his appearance had changed.

There were two small glands, one on either side of his neck, where his scent seemed to be strongest, and she was suddenly overcome by the need to be covered in it. Y/n began to purr softly, rubbing her face against Lo'ak's neck, not really knowing what she was doing other than chasing after the feeling of comfort and protection that came along with dousing herself in Lo'ak pheromones. "What are you doing, y/n?" Her bestfriend asked, his voice sounding considerably deeper than it had been a few seconds ago. "Feels nice." Was the entirety of the explanation she gave him, without showing any intention of stopping. Not that Lo'ak wanted her too.

He suddenly understood why she'd come to his tent in the first place, and that was to seek out whatever still held his scent, to numb out any feverish symptoms her pre-heat was going to throw at her. Lo'ak knew they were treading a dangerous line, but he also knew he would have given anything to have felt any sort of comfort during his rut, and he couldn't bring himself to tear himself away from her. The type of contact y/n was craving at that moment was completely harmless, yet the idea that she needed to be marked with his scent so badly made a Lo'ak feel possessive in a way he hadn't even known was possible. "Yeah? Is that what's been stressing you out, baby?" He cooed, wrapping her braid around his hand and tugging it softly. "You just wanted to breathe in my scent, didn't you?"

Y/n whined at his touch and nodded feverishly at his words. "Y-yes... I missed you, and I didn't know where you were. I just knew you were hurt..." She rambled, but Lo'ak kissed her temple, trying to let her know that there was no need to worry about him. "I'm right here, I'm sorry I was away. I let you down. I should have been here to help you with your nest. Look at this, you did it all by yourself, huh? Good girl." Lo'ak praised her, letting out a deep-sounding purr to let y/n know how impressed he was with her. Y/n nodded, smiling as she basked in Lo'ak's praise. "I did it for you, I wanted to be here when you got back..."

Lo'ak had to remind himself all he was doing was for the sake of helping y/n deal with how increasingly hormonal and emotional she was about to become over the next few days, and nothing that was saying in that moment held any real meaning. Somebody else would get to take care of y/n, and somehow he'd ended up on the council of people who got to determine who that person was going to be. As long as he kept his own feelings out of it, there was no reason why y/n shouldn't have stayed with him.

"Thank you, baby..." Lo'ak whispered softly and brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her wrist. "I'm going out to get you something to eat now, do you want to come? Or do want to stay here?"

"No." Y/n wrapped herself around him like a vine. "Stay."

"Huh-uh, it's like that, is it?" Lo'ak chuckled, powerless against her death-grip. So he took the opportunity to have a lie down. Unlike y/n, he was missing several hours of sleep. "Well, I'm not going to argue with the woman who has me in a choke-hold... and sleeping will do you some good too..." He sighed, resting his arms around her middle. It didn't take long for Lo'ak to pass out completely.

When Lo'ak woke up, y/n seemed to have been long gone. Someone had also brought him some food and water while he'd been resting. Lo'ak hurriedly ate something, before heading out to look for y/n, but he didn't end up needing to look too far. Moat had been in the middle of examining y/n when Lo'ak showed up out of the blue.

"Ever heard of privacy? Get out of here, skxawng!" Y/n yelled at him, and Lo'ak immediately did as he was told. At least y/n seemed to be once again lucid and back to normal. For the time being. And now that he knew she was alright he really didn't have any other excuse to be around her, so he left.

Lo'ak finally found the time to get back to his training, something he now did in private. It was embarrassing to perpetually remind the rest of the clan of his failure, and he would not ask his father or brother for help. His mother however, was a lot more difficult to get away from. And she understood more than most. "My son, it is clear you are hurting... we have not seen you for days... "

"So? What good is showing my face when I have failed you?" Lo'ak turned away in shame. He did not need anyone to look out for him, not anymore.

"Stubborn! Just like your father." Neytiri hissed at him, bonking him on his head with her bow and not too gently either. "It is clear... that Eywa made you and y/n to be together. Do not treat me as if I do not see. I see you, my son."

Lo'ak broke down as soon as he heard those words. It was true, he had been pushing his family away, but simply because he hadn't thought himself capable of facing them. What would his mother think of the twisted game he'd gotten himself in? What kind of example was he setting for his younger sister? He didn't deserve to be around any of them until he somehow managed to make things right.

Neytiri hugged him, even though it was something they hadn't done in a long time. She had immediately known how strong and independent her youngest son was from a very early age, and she feared that it may have been the reason why, out of all of her children, he'd most often been left to his own devices while she and Jake were forced to tend to the others.

"You have not failed us, Lo'ak. But you must still fight for y/n... and I will help you."

The next few days went by in a blur. If he wasn't training with his mother to successfully pass the Iknimaya on his second try, he was making sure to steer away y/n's parents from any candidates they may have seriously been considering to be her mate without seeming too obvious. If a certain potential candidate began to seem like a real threat to Lo'ak, then he would personally seek them out to politely dissaude them himself.

"If you ever try to talk to y/n, ke-he, you ever even look in her direction or... you just as much as think of her again, I'm dragging you out of your tent while you sleep and leaving you out to die in the forest. And trust me, the viperwolves will finish whatever meat the Thanator doesn't tear off your bones first."

The Na'vi might have been dangerous, but they were a peaceful people. Humans had been the ones to bring war upon them. And Lo'ak had begun to realize just how much of a scary breed he was of the two things. He was now turning on his own kind, on the very same members of his clan, his brothers and sisters. He was cheating and lying to get his way, just like a human would. And the scariest part was, that realization was bothering him less and less as time went on. Y/n's heat was approaching fast, and as a consequence, he was getting more protective and territorial by the day.

While y/n had been able to keep her head in the beginning, only going through a few 'fever dreams', as Lo'ak liked to call them, in a single day and quickly recovering from them, it was now rare to come back and find her to be lucid rather than not. She had a few lulls, here and there, where it was once again possible to get her to have a coherent conversation, but those instances were now few and far in between. Lo'ak would have to seize those opportunities to take her out so she could have a walk, drink or eat something, and show her parents she was still alive. One night he'd even managed to take her all the way out to the ponds for a swim, something she'd always loved, but she was way past that point now.

Y/n slept most of the days off; the nights were the real problem. Due to her body temperature slowly increasing to the point where it was eventually going to be unbearable for her, y/n had taken to refusing to wear any sort of clothing. Which was particularly hard on Lo'ak, especially since her body was also changing in ways that weren't so subtle. As much as he tried not to look, it seemed as if both her breasts and her hips were filling out little by little each day. By that point, he was sure it was some specific torture that had been crafted for him especially, but it all came to pale into comparison when most nights were spent treating the aches of y/n's fever.

"You need to drink some water for me, baby..." Lo'ak would try to encourage her. "I promise you'll feel a lot better if you do..." Y/n was struggling, and Lo'ak was thankful for the fact that after making a bit of a fuss she would eventually listen to him. He couldn't think of a single other person who would've had the same amount of care and patience to make sure she was eating and drinking regularly throughout her heat, and there was hardly any time left before she was completely under the influence. A decision was going to be made whether he liked it or not.

The only problem was that now, he didn’t know if he was going to be able to stand aside when the time came for her to leave. The two of them had gotten somewhat... close during their time together. Close in a way that Lo'ak was certain didn't apply to being best friends. Y/n had suffered a great deal the night her scent glands came in, two on her neck, two on her inner thighs, and one on each of her wrists, and Lo'ak had almost mistaken the event for the beginning of her heat. The sweetness of her scent had him so out of his mind, and he would have torn himself away from her if she hadn't been holding on to him for dear life. "Don't go, Lo'ak, please..." y/n had begged him through choked sobs.

Lo'ak still didn't know if he'd made the right choice to stay, because of everything that happened afterward. He peppered y/n's skin with kisses as usual, trying to bring her comfort, only this time the need to taste and sink his teeth into her was almost uncontrollable. "Y/n, I don't think I should be here..." Lo'ak tried to say, having never felt so at war with himself. Y/n shook her head and caught his lips in a kiss, completely tearing down any ounce of doubt he may have still had. For the time being. The fact that she was promised to another suddenly didn't matter anymore, and the two of them were painfully aware y/n had been dripping with slick from the moment Lo'ak had pulled her into his arms. They were all over each other instantly, reaching desperately for one another in the dark. The sound y/n made when he breached her walls was the most beautiful thing Lo'ak had ever heard, and they fucked so desperately, he was almost ashamed of it afterward.

Almost.

"I told you, my sweet syulang..." He teased, regretfully having to pull out of her for the second time. "You're not ready to take my— a knot, I mean..." Lo'ak kissed her whines away, only taking a few more strokes before coating her belly will his warm seed. "But I want to try again, weakling..." Y/n huffed, having absolutely no mercy for her spent companion as she climbed on top of him. Lo'ak let out a groan and a laugh at the same time, pulling her in for a hug. "You have come so many times, I am literally covered in your slick... and since you're clearly in the right mind to give me attitude..." he pinched y/n's ass cheek and she yelped, slapping his chest. "You're more than capable to come with me for a swim and... help me clean up all this later..." Y/n had bit him in protest but eventually complied with his unreasonable demands.

In those moments with her, Lo'ak had felt so happy he'd almost forgotten what the future actually had in store for the two of them. Even though now he knew y/n so deeply, both at a mental and physical level, another would be the one to marry her. Another would the one to make a lifelong bond with her, mark her and mate with her.

'Sometimes I don't understand how another can love her, is allowed to love her, since I love her so completely myself, so intensely, so fully. I grasp nothing, know nothing, have nothing but her!' Kiri had once read out those words from one of her mother's old books, since the ability to read and write in English had always been important to his sister. At the time, Lo'ak had made fun of her, saying it was all a bunch of boring nonsense. Now, those words haunted him. Every day. And here he was now, acting in the worst of ways just to hold on to y/n for just a second longer, have every part of her until the was nothing left for anyone else to aspire to.

When he walked into the tent that night, y/n was sitting upright and wearing a large white T-shirt Lo'ak had stolen from the RDA supplies. Lo'ak was happy to see she was doing her best to eat some fruit, and the awkward smile she gave him made him understand she currently had her wits about her. "Moat came by... she said it will happen tomorrow... and she gave me... something to help with the pain. Medicine, I think. She told me... my mate will have to take me away. I can't stay here with the rest of the clan while it happens, it might be dangerous-"

Lo'ak shook his head, raising his hands as he tried not to laugh bitterly at the sadness of the situation. How could she talk about it so calmy?

"I don't want to know, okay?" He tried to say as calmly as he could, but she could hear the distaste in his mouth.

"If you can't even talk about it, then admit what I've known all along." Y/n managed to say in a weak voice. "Lo'ak, I see you... I see you... everything you're doing for me, because of me..."

Lo'ak's ears immediately turned down at the sound of the words he'd been waiting for y/n to say his entire life. His immediate instinct was to shut her out. Now that he wanted nothing more than to say those words back, he knew he was only going to make irreparable damage. He'd justified the fact they'd been having sex in secret because it wasn't uncommon for their people to do so, nor forbidden. The only problem of course was that he and y/n were painfully aware of being in love with someone who couldn't commit to them. They had chosen to live in the most blissful of lies until their time together was up.

Well, that time was now.

"Spend my heat with me." Y/n said, not even posing it as a question.

"I can't! How hasn't that gotten through to you yet?" He asked angrily, hating himself for the way she instinctively flinched at his words. Lo'ak got down on his knees, kneeling in front of her. "Ngaytxoa." He asked y/n for her forgiveness. "Oeya syulang, you deserve to be with someone who has shown enough strength and honor to be part of the people... If we'd only had more time, I... but you cannot face your heat alone, nor will I allow you to tie yourself to someone who is not worthy. Who may never be." Y/n had begun to cry at this point, and Lo'ak could feel that he'd been joining her soon. "An outcast. Someone like me."

Simply put, if Lo'ak had spent y/n's heat with her, got her pregnant, and then ended up dying on the Halleluja mountains on his second or third attempt at his Rite of passage, not to mention the unpredictableness of surviving the Dream Hunt as well, he would have committed the cruelest act of all: giving his mate false hope before leaving them behind forever, all for the sake of getting what he wanted.

"You are... impossible..." Y/n cried. "You say these words, therefore you must believe I deserve to be with someone I do not love when I have already chosen the man I belong to and he has chosen me... do you not understand that would kill me just as much as being alone would? I know you went through your rut alone, Lo'ak... I know you went through that pain and survived, Moat told me. I am willing to take that risk, and wait for you."

Lo'ak looked into her eyes then, and it seemed to y/n he was having a realization. Had she finally gotten through to him? She knew her chances of survival were slim, and she hadn't exactly prepared, but after finding out Lo'ak loved her as much as she did, he would sooner risk her life to be happy with him in the end than choose someone else.

Suddenly he was grabbing her face and kissing her, pulling away just as quickly. "I'll be back by morning... there's something... important I have to do." Lo'ak saw the look of distress on her face as he stood up. In many ways, I would have been their last night together, and he was leaving. "Trust me, syulang, I beg of you. Nga yawne lu oer."

"I love you, too."

And with that, he was gone from her sight.

As he climbed the path of vines and rocks leading to the banshee rookery, Lo'ak wondered if anyone had ever managed to reach the Halleluja mountains past the eclipse in the dead of night. If that person, whoever they may have been, had been so desperate to have made the attempt even though everyone around them had said they were not ready, because it was a question of life and death for them as much as it was for him. After the initial surprise of having made it to the top, he was immediately aware of a dozen pairs of yellow eyes blinking at him in the dark.

Lo'ak immediately whipped out the yìmkxa, swinging it around a little as he cautiously walked amongst the ikrans. "Didn't mean to spoil your beauty sleep..." He said, counting how many of them had already flown away at the sight of him. "There's just one of you I've come to settle the score with, some motherfucker who threw me off a cliff the other day-"

A very familiar hiss came from out of nowhere and Lo'ak now knew he was looking back at his banshee. "Long time no see bro, I sure hope I didn't ruin any late-night plans." The ikran lunged at him but Lo'ak knew exactly what to do this time, and moved without hesitancy, muzzling the creature's mouth with the yìmkxa. "Me? Oh you know, my girl is going through the worst experience of her life--- shit, stop that, man--- where was I? Oh right, I'm supposed to be back home with her, yet I'm out here, dancing around with you. Bet you can't wait to get inside this head, huh? Hope you enjoy all the angst, you mother-"

With a final struggle and a minor chunk taken out of his leg, Lo'ak was able to make the connection. The ikran, his ikran, immediately calmed down and let out a pained sound, that Lo'ak recognized as being directed at him.

"Yeah, well... no worries bro." He sighed from exhaustion and patted the banshee's neck. "Now let's get out of here, I don't have all goddammed night."

By the early hours of the morning, Lo'ak had returned aching from the fight with the ikran and still disoriented from the self-induced high he'd given himself with whatever concoctions he'd found in his grandmother's hut to make himself find his spirit animal. No matter what anybody said, he'd completed his rite of passage and now he was going to tell y/n they could be together. Y/n however, was not where he'd left her. Moat found him soon after, and after reprimanding him for stealing her supplies and acting so recklessly, she told him y/n's parents had chosen Tholothian to be her mate and they had left not even an hour prior to Lo'ak's arrival. The Na'vi, much to his grandmother's protests, immediately set off to find them.

With the sunlight by his side and the ability to fly over the forest, it didn't take long for Lo'ak to recognize Tho'lo's ikran resting on top of a branch and its rider wandering the forest below.

"I thought I told you to stay away from her." Lo'ak snarled, quickly dismounting from his ikran.

"Stay out of this, Sully. The fact that you did the bare minimum this time, doesn't get you a prize." Tho'lo took a threatening stance against him. Lo'ak immediately noticed his bow and dagger were missing, and that he had a large cut across his chest. "Y/n was left in my care and responsibility-"

"She attacked you." Lo'ak accused Tho'lo, charging at him with everything he had the very next second. "What did you do?" He roared with a murderous look in his eyes as he held his knife to his rival's throat. "What could you have possibly done to her to leave you stranded out here, huh?"

"What I have done? What have you done, Lo'ak?" Tho'lo accused him back, sounding all too calm for Lo'ak's liking. "She has clearly chosen you, I see that now. I had known you two were close, but I never thought it went beyond you recklessly amusing yourself with her. I never would have accepted her parents' decision if I had known-"

"The why. the fuck. did she attack you?" Lo'ak growled, actively losing his patience by the second.

"Because she's in a heat, you moron. She won't be with anyone who isn't you now that the two of you have clearly done everything except maybe name your future children...I just wish someone had warned me, so I wouldn't have to be here right now!" Lo'ak stepped back from Tho'lo then, realizing he had just been assuming the worst of someone who was meant to be his brother-in-arms. "She attacked me not two minutes after we were in flight. I thought she was going to kill my ikran so I got us all down to the ground. She escaped of course, but I still couldn't leave her out here... "

Lo'ak nodded, ashamed of all the grief his actions had caused. But he didn't even have time to dwell on it, or make things right with Tho'lo, because y/n was still out there, scared and alone.

"I'm sorry, brother-"

"I'll forgive you when you find her and bring her home in one piece." Tho'lo cut him off, calling his ikran and mounting it. "And I know you threatened others just as easily as you have just accused me. That's what separates you from the rest of the people, Sully. You reek of anger and distrust, toward yourself and others. You are selfish, just like the rest of the sky people. Whatever y/n sees in you... must be the true reason why I'm still willing to call you brother."

After a few minutes of frantic wandering, Lo'ak picked up y/n's scent and it didn't take him long to track her down. She'd hidden herself in a small cave behind the waterfall, a place they'd both discovered once when they were out hunting. The closer he got, the more overpowering the influence of her sweet pheromones became. As he climbed his way up to the cave, mindful of the water cascading above him, he knew she could sense his presence too because she began to call out his name. Lo'ak could hear the strain in her voice and ended up cutting his hands and feet several times on the rocks as he made his reckless endeavor all the way to the safe haven she'd chosen.

He looked up to see her looking down at him, and he made one last stupidly dangerous jump to get her away from the edge. "Where were you? You told me to wait, I waited for you but- you are hurt!" Y/n reached for him, she was shuddering violently and unable to keep herself from crying. Lo'ak knew exactly what kind of pain she was going through, and he had to dissuade her from fretting over his wounds.

"I know, I'm sorry Oeya syulang, I'm right here now. I'm with you..." Lo'ak kissed y/n, making quick work of getting rid of whatever fabric was left to separate them. He let out a guttural sound at the copious amount of slick that gushed out of y/n simply from his touch. "Lo'ak, it hurts..." Y/n begged him, holding onto Lo'ak so tight he was pretty sure she was going to end up rearranging his bones.

"I know baby, you're burning up..." He kissed her neck, feeling how scolding her skin was as she lowered herself onto his cock, taking him all the way with a desperate moan of relief. Y/n seized up around him and coated him with a second wave of slick, high on the feeling of finally having her mate buried deep inside of her. "Fuck--you really needed me bad, didn't you baby?" Lo'ak groaned, unable to even comprehend what was happening around him anymore. Y/n's cunt was impossibly tight and warm, and she was making a complete mess on his lap.

His mate nodded and began to ride him in earnest, her stamina never breaking for a second. Lo'ak was so in awe, he could barely keep up with her. Their moans and whines echoed off the walls of the cave, and Lo'ak knew y/n was desperate to get knotted. "You need to... relax syulang." He kissed her face when she began to whine in frustration. "Might have to fuck you a few more times before your body is ready for me, sweet thing..."

"But I want--" Y/n was beginning to sound completely unintelligible, but she never once stopped grinding down on Lo'ak, challenging herself to take in deeper and deeper every time. "Such a good girl, look at that..." Lo'ak praised her, earning a deep purr which he happily returned. "Gonna make you a proper nest... so my baby can be nice and comfortable while I mount her later, how does that sound?"

Y/n curled up against his chest at the idea, kissing him deeply and coming on his cock for the fourth time since they'd started (yes, he was keeping count), and without much warning Lo'ak began to feel the his knot forming inside of her. She gasped and began to frantically fuck herself back against it, giddy on the pleasure the foreign experience was giving her. Lo'ak gave a a few more harsh thrusts, until his knot finally popped deep inside y/n's walls, binding them together. "Fuck, baby you can't keep moving anymore..." He groaned, blissed out and slightly amused by y/n's attempts to bounce up on his knot while she was stuck on top of him.

Y/n wasn't particularly shy about being loud, but the sounds she made when Lo'ak finally began to breed her made him want to fuck her all over again right at that moment. "It's... it's so much..." She sobbed, overwhelmed by the constant stream of warm cum that was now pouring into her. Lo'ak wrapped his arm around her and made a second connection between them, bringing their cues together. Immediately he could feel how close she was to climaxing again, and he reched down between them to rub her small bundle of nerves while she was still split on his shaft. "Going to cum on my knot, baby...? You're been such a sweet girl, taking everything I have to give you... once I'm done breeding you, your belly's going to be so pretty and full---"

Y/n gave out another high pitched whine and came thanks to Lo'ak's expert fingers. He managed to lull her to sleep after that, while they were still tied together and in the process of mating. Lo'ak found his sleep to be rather light, keeping an eye open for his vulnerable mate and growling menacingly at any noise he heard coming from outside.

When his knot died down he left y/n to get some much needed rest and set out to get everything they needed to stay in the cave for the rest of the week. He knew that his scent was more than enough to let anyone and anything to stay the fuck away from the cave, and that y/n would have been safe. Even though he'd returned with food supplies and other creature comforts to make a worthy nest, y/n was not too forgiving of his absence and jumped his bones the second he came back. After she'd deemed herself sated, they made their nest together, but it was hard to do anything without eventually getting distracted.

Y/n's belly was beginning to stretch out a little already from their activities and Lo'ak was completely mesmerised by the sight of his cum slipping out of her. So much so he could help but hold her down and get a taste. "Lo'ak... w-want your knot again..." she mewled, tugging fiercely at his braids while he drank down the sickly sweet taste of her slick.

"Oeya syulang, I haven't eaten all day, you can't blame me for wanting a taste... " Lo'ak growled softly before sinking his teeth in the scent gland on her left inner thigh, making her cry out. He soothed the wound with his tongue, lapping up her blood. "Now, you're going to have to behave for me a little, or I'm going to eat you out until you're a sobbing mess... understood?"

Y/n was a lot more partial to taking a break to eat and drink something after that. Lo'ak was not surprised when she feel asleep again, and he curled up around her on the makeshift bed they'd made, holding her close to his chest. He immediately woke up when she began to cry next to him a few hours later, not even thinking twice about mounting her from behind as her kissed her shoulders and reassured her everything was alright.

Y/n was the one to link their queues this time, moaning softly as he began to move. "Still hurts if I'm not inside you, baby?" Lo'ak asked, genuinely worried that the heat was still painful even though y/n was no longer facing it alone. Y/n shook her head and tried to find the right words to express what she was feeling, Lo'ak kissed her temple reassuringly, stroking her tail to soothe her. "J-just now... I think... I think I'm ready..." It took a little while for Lo'ak to understand, but then he felt it through their bond. Y/n was at the peak of her heat, and his next load was sure to get her pregnant. "You're happy..." she said, Lo'ak still forgetting that she could probably feel his heart soaring at that moment.

"Yeah..." He laughed, a little choked up. "Course I'm happy... so fucking happy" Lo'ak placed a hand on y/n's lower belly, firmly holding her there as he picked up his pace, pounding into her deeper and deeper. Y/n bared her neck to him then, submitting and asking him to mark her as his own. "Nga yawne lu oer..." He whispered before sinking his teeth into her scent gland, tasting the blood and sweetness there. Y/n cried out his name, feeling their bond deepen even more and the desperate need to mark Lo'ak just the same.

Both of them felt the exact moment when life began to blossom between the two of them when they were lying in each other's arms some moments afterwards. They were holding each other close and tending to the deep marks they'd left on each other's bodies. Lo'ak spent the rest of the night whispering promises and soft nothings to y/n, and she quelled all his anxieties about his wrongdoings or the fact that his child might have inherited his human features.

After all, she'd never cared for the right profile anyway.