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#IT’S A REALLY FUCKING POINTLESS STORY.
forcedhesitation · 4 months
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why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?
#dbd#myart#wip#quick clarification for those only familiar with the american version of ringu: sadako is 19.#anyway. I love that dbd lets me explore steve and nancy's characters outside the bullshit that the show is.#because the whole steve and nancy dynamic is Interesting. but the dustbags are plagued by cerebral hetrot so that story never GOES anywhere#it's just the “Waaaah love triangle OMG!!! will they? won't they?” crap. idk man. idc. why're these dumbasses breathing in Upside down air?#some people here have seen lucy before-- he is the ghostface pictured. and he's an OC. different person entirely from danny.#I won't explain his full lore here but-- he was a drag queen before the fog who started out by only killing those who he felt deserved it.#his entire persona satirises catholicism and he calls himself “the holy ghost” rather than ghostface. the entity made him an actual devil.#he's obsessed with steve because he LIVES his own role so he sees steve as his heroic opposite or some fucked up gay shit like that.#he's clutching kate's heart because if he were a real character in the game-- he'd have two moris.#one standard... and one for if a steve is present in the lobby. the second would involve him carving out the heart of a survivor as a gift.#he never harms steve though-- so it makes steve's penchant for self-sacrifice pointless.#steve instead has to do what he can to open the gates as fast as possible-- or watch everyone else die! :)#as for the toxic yuri-- it occurred to me that sadako's backstory bears some striking similarities to barb's story.#as soon as I realised this-- it was like I had suddenly gained the ability to see a new colour I could not see before.#sadako wanting to torment nancy as sick revenge for what happened to her but using barb's death as justification for this...#...nancy being unable to escape the ghost of barb... even in this hell dimension full of terrifying monsters--#it is still the memory of the girl she feels she “let” die in steve's pool that scares and hurts her the most.#not to mention that sadako's powers are reminiscent of how the upside down related fuckery appears...#the screwy technology. the telekinesis.#I just REALLY love seeing characters be forced to confront difficult parts of themselves even if that shit REALLY hurts.#dbd makes it so easy to do that to any given character. of course this goes both ways too-- it'd force lucy & sadako to change too.#which opens the door for torment on their end too because killers who disobey the entity are tortured into obeying.#a rock and a hard place on both ends. and that is Exactly how I like it. intense. complicated-- a puzzle to be solved.
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moongothic · 10 months
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Actually….re: the whole we have never gotten a glimpse ever of past crocodile thing….would be SO funny if crocodile’s backstory was just every strawhat’s combined in succession but like the wario bad ending version “a man took me and my brother in when we were extremely small children and THEN sold us out to pirates when he didnt have enough protection money who forced ys to work to buy our way out of slavery THEN my sister pushed me down the stairs and THEN she died and THEN i was taken in by a fishwoman and her apprentice. And THEN she framed me for pirate conspiracy and turned me into the marines—“ etc. etc.
Y'know, I know you're joking, just doing a silly little funny and all
But unironically, on a thematic level this could very well be true
Like One Piece's long running themes include rejection, loss, loneliness, either believing yourself to be unlovable and/or hating yourself while loving others and what all these things can drive a person to do (among many other things)
And these narrative elements come up so often you could make a little bingo card of them and have a fun little game to see how many pop up for each Strawhat and their backstories (Sanji and Robin being the most extreme examples in some ways). But the thing is that with the Strawhats, most of them manage to find a way to heal through all that trauma either through their mentors, their friends/family, the Strawhats and/or Luffy specifically. They all found a place to call home through Luffy
But Crocodile never did. He doesn't have a place to call home, people to call a family. He's still alone
So like, while Croc's backstory probably isn't all the Strawhats mashed together literally, on that thematic level? Actually, yeah, probably, especially If Crocodad Real. He could just turn out to be an amalgamation of all the Strawhats' trauma combined but with the specific twist he never had anyone come save him from it, what any of the Strawhats could've turned out like had they never met Luffy and went off the deep end
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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
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#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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vaugarde · 6 months
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ngl i actually quite like the black rose arc
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menstits · 11 months
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fontaines archon quest is probably the first time in genshin that replaying it gives you a new context of how furina acts like its crazy...watching my oomf play when i finished and seeing furina almost on the verge on a breakdown even on the first acts when most people thought she was just the typical chuniibyou ojousama in charge...crazy.
YEAH like... god it's really crazy especially with furina's initial approach at trying to be the archon like... What could have been her own way of doing it if the crowd hadn't immediately shot down her attempt at being genuine . Like how different that was from the way she had to act for the following 500 years... Man.🧍‍♂️
#asks#anonymous#they really have come a long way from the first few arcs#like. mondstadt was clearly a prelude and liyue was funny enough but neither of them was especially emotionally impactful#inazuma sucked ass beyond belief sorry.#sumeru was better to me like the deal with nahida and rukkhadevata was interesting and i liked dottore cameo and like#at least it felt like all the characters involved like. had a purpose and knew each other#because a lot of what bothered me about inazuma was also like how disjointed the cast felt and how superfluous like half of the cast was#like the resistance was so fucking pointless they didn't do anything and i didn't give a fuck about the random npc soldier either#while like... at least dunyarzad in sumeru was more interesting and they handled the theme of like...#terminal illness and chronic illness decently enough#in inazuma i legit wws like who the fuck is this again whenever teppei showed up and the story acted like we were supposed to know him#while like#I'm sooo glad that in fontaine they focused mainly on the playable cast and made them have interesting dynamics amongst each other#AND made them also like. all be present during furina's trial (except wrio and sigewinne i guess but like. that's fine. their deal IS that#they're a bit isolated from the outside world)#or i mean ig sigewinne did show up but she hsrdly said much#like sorry idk why both in inazuma and sumeru they tried to stick a random npc in there tyat we were supposed to get attached to for no#reason. instead of giving more development to the playable characters? and as i said i didn't even mine dunyarzad much because at least#she had like. a purpose in the story.#anyway sorry that i put my longer response in the tag instead of the actual post#ALSO. this gives me high hopes for snezhnaya. god please please be good I've been hyped about genshin russia since i got into the game#I'm not even thinking about natlan I'm scared it's gonna be racist again#anyway.#bye
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spicypussywave · 9 months
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i see a stupid take on a show i had no interest in thinking about (bc others do enough of that) and now i wanna defend it and make op see how delusional they've gotten
#naomivents#i mean all takes are welcome ofc this is a public space#but when you base the whole show on your 1 expectation and think the story Has No Point if it doesn't fulfil that#then idk man maybe you're just selfish#i get wanting your fav media to tick all your boxes#but calling the show pointless bc of that though they've done everything really well up to this point pisses me off#maybe just broaden your mind a little#maybe day wants his eyesight back have you not seen how excited he was at the news?#saying how he should not be allowed to get a transplant bc that's not what You think the story is about is ridiculous to me#it's accepting how things can fuck and change your life forever but your life still can go on positively if you try hard enough#and got the right people#but lmao that doesn't mean he isn't allowed to look for ways to unfuck his life?#it's literally his life even if it's just a story#i truly don't think p'aof will let day get his eyesight back bc that's cliché and Boring.#unless he can bring meaning to it which i think he can#the transplant failing route will break day's heart. and hope. and everything. but isn't that fine#he's not getting his eyes back yes it will be a huge struggle but he's got amazing people by his side now#after the whole journey of acceptance. this will turn out as just another situation for him. that he gotta accept and move on#damn can't the boy have hope atleast#they've been hinting at a possible transplant since the beginning ffs#this is not me up for a debate pls i had thoughts and i wanted to vent thats it thanks for coming to my ted talk
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lord-squiggletits · 2 years
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You know, I think my thing about liking “asshole Megatron” more than “good Megatron” (speaking in terms of IDW1) isn’t just the fact that I find evil Megatron more entertaining and sexy, but that I suppose I don’t like the way good guy/Autobot Megatron’s personality is?
Like mmmm I’m not trying to be one of those people who goes “he’s OOC!” or “he’s such a wimp!” or “he’s evil and doesn’t deserve to be redeemed,” but there was just something slightly grating about the way Megatron is/acts in MTMTE/LL. If I had to pick a word for it, he just seems very... self-pitying? Ratchet said it perfectly while the DJD were attacking and he told Megatron “Oh of course it’s all about you, what a surprise.”
There’s something about Autobot Megatron that makes me hate him as a person, not like in a “haha what a pathetic bastard” way the way I see villain Megatron, but in a way that’s like “god you are so fucking stuck up and annoying” in a non-enjoyable way. Maybe it’s because Autobot Megatron was a last minute plot change and I’m sensing how JRO “forced” Megatron to be part of the narrative last minute? But that would just be a matter of shoddy writing, and MTMTE/LL aren’t shoddily written.
It’s presumptuous to try and assume the motivation of an author, but I guess it kind of feels like JRO was trying so hard to make Megatron a better person that it backfired and made him more unlikeable in my eyes. Like, Megatron’s dialogue about how if he goes back towards violence he’ll never come back out again because the guilt will be too much is poetic yeah, it’s a very cute notion, but the context is that the fucking DJD (who Megatron made) is attacking and killing members of the Lost Light (who Megatron is in charge of) and was it supposed to make me think of Megatron as noble or pitiable or something? Because instead it just pissed me off and made me want to scream “this isn’t fucking about you Megatron, stop being an angsty mope and DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE instead of crying about how hard it is for you to not enjoy killing people.”
It’s fucking weird because I of course love the concept of redeemable Megatron, and I’m fascinated with the way in which he adopted violence as a coping mechanism for trauma, but the way he’s written in MTMTE/LL just makes him seem more like he’s a self-justifying asshole trying to make pitiable attempts at good deeds than like he’s actually improving as a person. Which of course is a problem caused by the fact that JRO shoved him into the plot last minute and it didn’t actually make sense for Megatron to be on the Lost Light.
#squiggposting#negativity#like deadass i don't get how so many people loooooove mtmte megs because like yeah there are really good moments#but as a person megatron is so annoying and self righteous and kind of whiney and is basically pointless to the plot to begin with#if you took him out of mtmte/ll i don't think the NARRATIVE AS A WHOLE would have lost anything worth keeping#like idk i'm trying really hard to avoid punitive and judgmental language when talking about meg/atron but just#he really really really annoys me the way he acts and how the fandom thinks that he's so precious and sad and such a good person#yeah he's less of a piece of shit than he used to be but he's still kind of a POS lol#he's so out of place in the narrative that JRO had to invent an entire alternate universe just to give him something heroic to do#meg/atron didn't even make reparations in the universe he fucked up#he just got an alternate universe made just for him for him to save instead#that's not justice that's not redemption that's not him compensating for what he did#CONCEPTUALLY YES redeemed megs is good#JRO did indeed do a lot to flesh out megs as a person#but overall he's like so fucking annoying actually and i feel like he's actually so fucking pathetic as an autobot#but everyone else seems to think he's a precious bb who tried so hard and is such a good person now#there are whole armies of meg stans who try to act like he did nothing wrong and he's god's gift to cybertron/the plot#he's really not BUT when i look at the plot of mtmte/ll i say to myself#'i see exactly why the fandom stans see megs the way they do'#because the whole story after megs comes in has this vibe of making excuses for him and trying to soften him#giving him superficial moments and forced plotlines that make him the hero of an entire alternate universe#THE UNIVERSE LITERALLY REVOLVES AROUND WHETHER MEGA EXISTS OR NOT#sure megs is punished in universe by people hating him and going off to be executed at the end#but in terms of structure and aborted plot lines (looking at you mutiny arc) the story bends to soften mega/tron and give him every chance#and it just feels.... cheap#it's one of those things where if i ignore my opinion i can enjoy the story i'm given#but if i look at it with a critical eye i'm like 'this isn't actually Pure Perfection Incarnate and actually kind of annoys me'
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aryshacore · 11 months
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natlan's act V is gonna be 48 hours long
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noirapocalypto · 1 year
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" oh, big hat robib, i seek your wisdom, is murder acceptable to relieve a bit of of stress? i'll do it in any case. "
═══ UNPROMPTED INTERACTIONS ═══ CANON VERSE
"A bit of stress? Mm, no. Perhaps if you were aiming towards the Grand General's head for a death that could cause change, maybe, but knowing you it will be a pointless death lacking any artistry or meaning behind it."
Robin answers easily as he sews the eyes shut on one of the arena's most recent losses, his voice unamused as he ties the last knot and clips the thread. He lifts his face slowly to meet Draven's gaze, his own inscribed with horrors that no human should ever have to bare witness to, and they all lock in on Draven as he sets his scalpel down. His usual playful tone is gone, replaced with something far darker as he turns away once more to clean the blood off of his hands, off of the apron he wore, off of the tools he used;
"You're neither a hired gunman nor a rebel trying to cause change, nor are you an artist trying to put on a spectacle, nor would it have been something you've planned for weeks with meticulous detail. Human life is not something that should be so easily thrown away, I don't remember being told that you were so disrespectful to other lives." The mage slips the apron over his head and tosses it into a nearby sink, the crimson bleeds into the clear water and stains it as Robin turns back with his hands folding over his chest,
"A bit roundabout to ask my advice on such a topic if you're going to perform the act anyway, if you've that many issues witin your head that you can't even find a good reason besides stress to do it, you may want to speak to your brother about receiving some help." Robin makes his way back over to the body and flicks out a measuring tape glancing from the corpse's head to its feet, "Killing should have a macabre respect behind it, but a noble killing others for fun and giggles speaks nothing of that. It's a desecration of human life."
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Look, I like a good allegory as much as the next person, but an allegory still has to function as a *story* first and foremost. If I spend the first 20 minutes of your 25-minute fiction podcast episode feeling like I’m having a fever dream because the “plot” is just a bunch of completely random, out-of-the-blue unrelated events, except it turns out that it’s because this story is actually 40 allegories in a trenchcoat and I didn’t have the key to unlock what the fuck the allegory was about until you dropped a specific phrase halfway through . . . do us both a favor and just release the talk show you obviously wanted to do in the first place
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bejeweledmp3 · 2 years
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#tlou 2 spoilers////#i absolutely get that this is the point but there's something genuinely so hollowing and just. hurtful about joel's death#like he died brutally and now he can't make amends with his daughter everything that he fought for for so long doesn't matter bc he's dead#he got two years (stfu neil drunkman. two years??? two whole years??? shut the fuck up) of the silent treatment from the person he loved#most in the world#the one person he would (and has) fight to death to keep safe. and the SECOND he got a chance of making things right he's fucking dead#i have to make a post about this but i genuinely believe that the cruelty present as a theme throughout the entirety of tlou is not always#effective and at times can almost make you lose the point of the story#it's not just that bad things happen. bad things happen at the worst possible time in the most hurtful way#it's cruelty towards however is invested in the story and it's on purpose. sometimes it serves the narrative (joel dying for example.#although cruel it was necessary to move the story of the game along)#and sometimes it just feels like twisting the knife for no damned good reason (they really didn't even get a day to try?? not one??)#and the result is something that i find so so overwhelming and punitive#that it makes it honestly hard for me to even begin to try to make up my mind about wether i like it or not#it hurts!!!! it makes me feel Bad. and empry anc confused and lonely and pointless ans stupid#which honestly resembles what real world loss and grief are ig. but also it clouds what your story is#but ALSO going that entire way just to say forgive don't seek revenge<333 feels uh. anticlimactic#i also keep coming back to taking ellie's fingers. twisting the knife making what's worse bad#like some of it is just low hanging fruit. the girl was alone already you got tour point across. was that last bit necessary#but then some of the cruelty really fucking works#but ALSO if i think about this too much i honestly feel Void inside me. which is why i'm typing this in the first place just#insane tragedy that makes me feel Bad in a way i can't express#i am both sicked and terrified for sunday.oh well#talking tag;#the last of us;
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cuddlytogas · 2 years
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entering my bitch era (trying to get more into twitter fandom and finding my tl flooded with people talking about A Certain Popular AU Fic that is, frankly, mostly just fine, and being overwhelmed with some of the pettiest little jealous rages you ever did see)
#pointless post is pointless#like damn at least [other popular au fic] is extremely fucking good#where's MY fandom-within-a-fandom?? where's MY pages and pages of fanart??#plus i'm so sick of smau's since joining twitter it's going to drive me crazy#everyone and their god damn dog has about four on the go what the shit#not that the format /can't/ be used well but so many of them are boring and badly written#and still have big followings because - ???????#because i have no idea why#also reading fic on twitter is a nightmare and i don't know why anyone would prefer it over ao3#broken threads and the inability to edit and jfc#when you COULD have centralised tags and word counts and chapter breaks and edits#is it just because it's suited to mobile format????? what IS it about these things that seems to have captured everyone so much??#UUUGGGHHHHHHHH#please no one take this as an attack i am fully aware i'm being a mean and jealous little killjoy lol#maybe i really do just have an overinflated sense of my own talent lmao#edit: OH AND OF COURSE on twt you need to ADD ALT TEXT TO IMAGES THAT ARE NOTHING BUT SCREENSHOTTED PROSE#because the basic premise of a smau is actually really fucking difficult to execute#(a story told primarily through the medium of images text messages and social media exchanges)#so most of them resort to PRIMARILY using prose interspersed with flavour images#in which case WHY would you post it on TWITTER#the defining feature of which is A VERY SMALL CHARACTER LIMIT
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arolesbianism · 8 months
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Dude actually getting to read other ppl talk abt oni lore stuff did so much to make up for my brain sucking at reading I didn't even consider that Michael E.E. Perlmutter could be Meep I thought it would be unfitting if he was just a rando but I did not put two and two together at all and look at the obviously spelt out capitalized letters dhdkhdkd
#rat rambles#oni posting#congrats meep you maybe probably have a canon full name!#I thought it was weird that I couldnt find any traces of the favoritest lil boy he was hiding right in front of me this whole time babey#this also means that he is officially off the dr.holland suspect list yippee#Im still operating under the assumption that dr.holland is a rando but a lot less confidently now#mostly because there are indeed host scientists involved in pretty much every other story trait except for the dream and critter ones#which I think the dream one is kinda cheating because the whole nails log is basically the dream machine story logs tbh#and the critter one gets a pass because its just more critter infodumping#now the skeleton one blurs the line a bit as it is mostly a scientist that we currently do not have the name of#but there are other named characters mentioned and all of them but jackie and olivia are dupes#I believe banhi nikola and nails are the ones mentioned but I might be missing one#and ofc we vaguely know every speaking role involved in the mysterious hermit#so basically I dont think holland is as inherently special as I thought he was for being mentioned in story trait stuff#he still is the only one mentioned in story trait artifact dialogue but idk man#I mean as far as Im concerned hes functionally a rando rn so any speculation is pretty pointless#like they can do whatever they want with him really if they felt like it they could just say get fucked bozo its actually just nikola again#and what is anyone going to do abt it huh? they already gave devon two last names whats to stop them from giving more characters multiple#and now that I recheck the unmentioned dupes... theres no men left#so its otto situation or nothing babey#oh wait nope theres two men sorry I forgot abt the old people#abe and burt are Technically options but I highly doubt it#like idk I just doubt that dr.holland is old enough to be greying let alone completely grey like abe#like he Could be. theres nothing in the text that explocitey states he's not crusty dusty#but like. I just cant see it.#so if anyone one of the nonbinary ppl are more likely#if I had to arbitrarily pick one Id go with max but thats mostly just vibes rly I think it could be any of them#like not even the women are out of the picture if they can do nonbinary egg they could totally do other trans eggs#thats honestly be the coolest thing they could do bonus points if its gossmann simply because I like her
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neuromantis · 9 months
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aw2 gave me perhaps, one of the most important realizations of my life. just now. "how do you run from an idea?"
the world i created when i started writing. i liked it. and i liked my characters. they were real to me. but. i could escape there. but i couldn't live there. with my family and friends and loved ones, the only ones i've had then.
i needed to stay outside and keep writing them. i could never join them. so i kept writing. every day i would write more of it, obsessively. and with that came a realization of the genre of the story it was shaping up to be.
i keep calling it "automatic writing", because i really never felt like i was in control of it. ideas just used me as a conduit. the story was telling itself. and it wasn't. a nice story. not one with hopes or happy endings.
i once told someone a long time ago that i couldn't stand writing anymore because i loved those people. loved their world. but if i made more of it. they'd have to suffer for it. so i quit. i kept meeting new ideas and characters and i only wrote down the barest of outlines. because the narrative would inevitably doom them, there had to be no narrative anymore.
i think what also made me stop it, was meeting Adam. a guy i knew like 10 years ago who suddenly messaged me. he re-sent me my own message to him from 2013. "well what about the fact that perhaps there IS a god, but he just specifically hates you?"
the last couple of years made me accept it. Adam is me. N(adam)ian. The one who made it all. The one who set up the rules. The one they'd be suffering for. And I don't want to be that. So I chose to leave them. They don't let me. But at least I can not write.
#there's a particular plotpoint about a certain guy being involved who is more of a proxy of me than the main character ever was#that guy got... a rough hand. of knowing every plot point and story beat as it would unfold - before it happens#and his particular thing was knowing that no matter what he does - he can never poke a hole in the narrative#still he tried even if he knew it was absolutely pointless and that perhaps it's exactly his efforts that doom the narrative#because by being unable to give up on a story he is inside of - by continuing trying to dismantle it - he still played by the narrative#and since i am the only who also knows how it plays out and ends... i should put in more effort myself#and that effort is the only thing i can do - to stop writing#''you can change the story'' - i hope i find a way to#because my only ever way of writing was basically ''black out and come to a finished piece on paper/screen''#i think... that's not a great way to be creative = it requires no input from me#i just let the story possess me and write itself#as i really have no imagination to be quite honest#but one of my goals for this year is to create more - no matter how scared i am - and maybe i can make that story MINE#actually be an author of it instead of a tool to write it or some dumb metaphor like that#also of course this is all such pithy horseshit#but i think aw2 shows a fairly similar situation pretty well#''you want me to write? the same thing that put Alan Wake in The Dark Place?''#my story is a story of the complete obliteration of every story that came together to make it#an excercise in quantum mechanic bullshit that won't save anyone in the end as the only escape from it is to stop existing#it's an Apocalypse story in the meaning of ''there is no post-apocalypse. there is nothing anymore. at all. the end. fuck you''#a pretentious excercise of trying to write a story that wants to stop existing in the first place#of people who fight and win by erasing themselves and their world#and it's really your fault if you picked up the book and liked them - because you made them suffer again#ew. i sound... like a fucking hack#no wonder my own meta-narrative ate me fucking alive#i am neither smart enough to figure how to undoom it nor creative enough to have anything else occupying my head 24/7#truly fucking bleak
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medicasino · 1 year
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vent below so dont feel like you have to read this 👍i simply have no where else to put this bc i dont want to Bother My Friends
god i wish i could just kill myself but i like. cant. there's too much stopping me. but i dont want to do anything anymore. i dont want to deal with this constant misery of being trapped in a brain with a death wish hellbent on making me want to die horrifically. i wish people just hated me outright so i had a good excuse to just call it quits on life and die
#blaire.txt#vent#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#suicide cw#suicidal ideation cw#i like playing games but literally everything besides that just feels pointless. i want to draw but like. its miserable.#even creating stories is stressful now because nothing i can come up with is even the slightest bit original#its all just utter garbage. i want to give up. i dont want to deal with this shit#please god just hate me already. i wish everyone just wanted me to die#so i could. so i could just lay down and never get up. i hate working i hate having to take care of myself i hate doing anything#i hate living in this house i hate the way ive become! i wish i wasnt so demotivated and lazy! i miss being able to DO THINGS!#but at this point im 17 and still an absolute fucking failure who just lives to disappoint . i want to kill myself but i cant#i dont know why people even care about me. because im really a terrible friend#every time i read past conversations ive had with people i want to die because im just so unlikeable i DONT GET why people stick around#im not mad at anyone but myself here. i just wish i was better. and not a total waste of space.#i want to die! i want to die! i want to die!!!#ugh its like i feel these things but also i feel nothing. like im empty. this is all my genuine thoughts and im losing it but also i feel s#disconnected from all of this#i feel so much yet so little. lol im truly just fucked up huh#whatever#im really sorry to be a bother#i really am i just have nowhere to go#and i dont want to bother my friends ig#repetition cw#repetition#repetition tw
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