#ITS DRUGS IM TELLING YOU. WHY ELSE AM I ADDICTED

[damninternetperson]

Right so I'm really into svsss now

Literally bought the whole series for christmas

And I need more

So now I think my favourite genre is mxtx

[reidmania]

THIS IS WHAT THE DRUGS ARE FOR | spencer reid

good riddance x spencer reid one shot series masterlist

summary; when no one else helps spencer’s addiction after being kidnapped — you do, and you offer him help as a recovering addict yourself

warnings; mentions of kidnapping, early seasons reid, around the time of his addiction to dilauded, mentions of suicide, mentions of being shot (pass tense during a case) mentions relapsing, addiction to opioids mentions of being addicted to oxycodone, drug use, overdoses, hurt x comfort, angst, not a lot of romance but its sweet, fem reader, normal criminal minds stuff. mentions of the team completely ignoring spencers addiction bc that was messed up.

an; honestly this was difficult to write as a recovering oxycodone addict, a little bit self indulgent.. whoopsies!! but in honour of 5 years sober 🤗🤗 (i am too open with my issues on social media) this is probably horrible

‘This is what the drugs are for. Turn the lights off on the comedown I still get emotional, when I think about your old house. Hopefully, the high, works to change my mind’

You noticed quicker than you wanted to admit. It wasn’t like you could pinpoint a certain point, maybe it was when he turned back at you after standing up from the dead body of his kidnapper and you saw the way his pupils blew, something guilty behind them — maybe thats when your concern started.

You knew for certain when his focus was in and out daily. You knew everyone on the team had their suspicions, had the gut feeling that there was something more to the tiredness in Spencer’s eyes. You knew more than you wanted to admit.

Your hands twirled the pen on your fingers as your eyes stayed fixated on the male sitting in front of you, you watched as his hands came up to scratch the inside of his elbow. You knew the motion all too well, like muscle memory.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you heard Hotch ask a question to which only Spencer reid would know the answer to. You shifted your gaze slightly as you leant back in your chair, at his lack of response and focus.

It took Hotch saying his name a second time for his gaze to pull and a small apology to leave his lips. Hotch repeated the question and you watched as it took a minute too long for Spencer Reid’s all to long ramble to start about the detail.

Normally, someone would make a teasing comment about how Spencer had to think about it, but the tension stayed among the group as they all noticed the same thing — yet no one did anything about it.

You knew the feeling well, and it made your skin itch in anger.

Rossi handed out jobs, inviting you to stay back with Spencer to help with case work. You looked at Spencer noticed his eyes dropping, it made your chest ache.

Everyone else had left leaving you and Spencer in the conference room. Your gaze stayed fixated on him as his mind fell in and out of focus. You had to admit if you didn’t know Spencer Reid as well as you did, he hid it well.

“How long?” You muttered out, as your eyes pulled away from his to skim the case. You could feel his gaze on yours and you could practically feel the heavy breath that left his mouth.

His words came out snappy, but you knew he didn’t mean it. “What?”

You looked up at him again, seeing his gaze on yours, his pupils constricted and you could practically see the way his hand was twitching not to claw at the inside of his elbow.

You knew he knew what you meant, you knew he was playing dumb. You pulled the same thing for years. If he wanted to play the game you’d play, and you would outplay him every time. “How long have you been using?”

His face twisted up, he could’ve been an actor.

“Im not.” He pushed out. His voice betrayed his face, as it went an octave higher. For someone so smart you’d think he would know how to lie — but he didn’t, not well. Not to you. He could tell you didn’t believe him from the way your eyebrow quipped. “I don’t know why you’d think that.” He added, trying to sound convincing.

You hummed, “Your pupils are constricted for one. You aren’t focusing, you are all depressed. Oh and you’re slurring.. By the way” You pointed out with your pen in your hand directed towards him. You watched as his face fell for a split second. If you weren’t paying as much attention as you were you might’ve missed it.

But you were paying attention.

“Im just tired— and I have allergies ” He lied. It made you want to laugh at the familiarity of all his lies, the same ones you remember thinking you were so smart for thinking of in the moment so many years ago.

You let out an unconvinced ‘mhm’ as you nodded your head. You watched as it dawned in his eyes that he had been called out. You wondered if maybe he enjoyed the fact that no one pointed it out, until now, until you.

“I had allergies too, for a long time” You stated out simply, playing his game, outplaying him. Your goal here wasn’t to make him feel ashamed, in any way. It was purely to let him know that he wasn’t alone.

You remembered feeling so alone.

He spluttered slightly, his eyes widened the slightest bit. “What?” He breathed out, confused because he never would’ve guessed. You knew that. You knew the person you were now was nothing like the person you were a few years prior. You hid your addiction well but you were changed as a person, and you weren’t nearly the same person you were before the addiction.

You offered him a small smile, “I know an addict when I see one Reid, I know the addiction. I know your skin feels like it’s crawling right now and your head is probably spinning because you are going through withdrawals. I know all the lies, I used them all before” You said softly as you lean your forearms against the table; your eyes softened as your gaze stayed fixated on his.

You watched the words slowly process through his head. Slowly but surely he seemed to understand. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “How- How long have you known?” He asked, his voice small, evident how confronting this conversation was for him — but he needed it. He needed to know he had someone in his corner.

“I had my suspicions for a while. I wanted to be sure before I said anything..” You muttered out as you reached across the table to take his hand in yours comfortingly, “I was waiting— hoping someone else said something, I know I’m not your first choice of a person to help you through this — but I am here” You said softly.

You weren’t not close to Spencer. You were, close in age, had similar interests and you two got along well. The childish crush you had on him remained buried in between your ribcage — that was the thing about being an addict, it made you a good actor. You could act your way through any feeling.

He almost coughed at your words, his hand tightening around yours as you gave him a supportive squeeze. “Im- Thank you. I-“ His words seemed heavy on his tongue as his head shook. “I’m glad it’s you.” He said honestly.

You offered him a soft smile. You could almost see a question weighing on his mind, “What is it spence? What do you want to ask?” You prompted him, knowing his mind was properly almost complete fog at this point, overtaken by cravings.

“What- What were you addicted to? When?” He asked, eyebrows pushed upwards as if he was trying to figure out the timeline of your addiction, it caused an uncomfortable bubble in your chest.

“I was an oxy’s girl” You said, you knew it wasn’t funny but it seemed as joking was the only way to get through talking about this no matter the unsettling feeling it left in your stomach.

You exhaled heavily, “I started taking them in college after a surgery.. and well- I got addicted, obviously.” You ran your free hand through your hair as the memory dwindled in the back of your mind. Spencer’s hand squeezed your hand softly, making a half hearted tight lipped smile line your lips.

“I was clean when I first started here.” You said, fingers fidgeting. He listened with as much focus as he could with your words — you didn’t take offence to his half out of it mind. You couldn’t. “I relapsed after I got shot and they put me on them — no one knew about my addiction and I was too embarrassed to admit it to the doctors in front of the team, I relapsed once I got out of hospital.” You stated honestly.

You remembered it clear as day, after four years sober, the day you relapsed still stayed engraved into the walls of your mind freshly. You had been shot in the shoulder on a case, you were rushed to hospital and put on oxycodone and other pain medications immediately while unconscious. When you woke up and asked what they had given you, the team was standing around your bed so all you could do was nod, the relapse happened after that.

Spencer’s hand tightened on yours as his face pulled with guilt when he realised he didn’t notice. He opened his mouth to apologise but you cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say. “It’s okay.” You said, tightening your grasp on his hand mirroring his grasp on yours. “I mastered my lies by then, after years and years of lying to everyone around me.. I knew what worked and what did it.. I did it to myself” You spoke honestly.

He chewed on his lip as his gaze adverted to the table. You held his hand tightly as you felt it twitch slightly. You knew he wanted to scratch his elbow and you knew why. Your face softened all over again.

“It’s not worth it Spence. Trust me.” You said, voice heavy with honesty and you meant it more than words could explain. “You get mean, really mean, you lose yourself more and more everyday. Its not worth losing everyone around you, its not worth losing yourself” You gaze stayed on his face even when his eyes avoided yours.

You heard the shaky breath leave his lips, and then his hand left yours as his pinched his eyelids, trying to stop the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes as he squeezed them shut. It made your stomach ache.

“It- Its so hard” He said quietly. You didn’t think you had ever experienced heartbreak like hearing his voice break. Any sort of pain you felt in your life didn’t quite compare to seeing him fall apart from your words.

“I know- I know” You instantly stood up from your seat as you walked around the table towards him, he stood up as well and before you could do anything his hands were around your waist, pressing his body against yours and his head into the crevice of your neck. You arms wrapped around him without a second thought.

You could feel his tears against the skin of your neck, they were hot and thick. Your hand ran across his back gently. You always thought you’d know exactly what to do if this moment ever came to be — but you didn’t.

Words died in the back of your throat as all you could do was hold the boy in your arms as he let out the quietest soft sobs that made a gut wrenching feeling settle in your bones as goosebumps ran over your skin.

“I- I want to stop — I want to- How did you stop?” He said, wiping his face as he stood up straight, arms pulled back by his side. Your heart ached and your skin burned.

You shook your head, “Do you remember when I had to take emergency leave for family emergency?” You asked, eyes looking up into his that gleamed wet and dreary. It pulled on your heart strings and uncomfortable amount,

He nodded briefly, after he took a long moment to try to recall. You nodded back, a sigh leaving your lips. “I- Um.. I overdosed.” You stated, trying to speak stronger than your voice allowed you to. “I was in hospital for two weeks, connected to machines and wires — forced to speak to someone everyday until they deemed me healthy. I didn’t tell anyone- no one knows” You continued to shake your head.

“Do not let it get to that point Spencer — Shaking on the floor and literally frothing at the mouth, feeling so cold but not even functioning enough to know what being cold is, is not want you want. I know it feels good now — but you are going to kill yourself whether you want to or not if you keep taking it.” You spoke clearly, wanting your point to be perfectly clear. It was not worth it.

He held guilt behind fogged eyes, guilt that he didn’t notice, guilt that he almost lost you — literally and he had no idea. That you were alone during the lowest point of your life and he had no idea. He allowed your words to cloud his mind for a moment as they worked to overpower the cravings that were working to controlling his system.

“i- I don’t- Im sorry.” He stuttered over his words as he failed to think of anything better to say. Your face fell briefly as you wrapped your arms around him again.

“Im here? Okay. We will do this together day by day. I am here and I’m always going to be here Spence.” You comforted non the less.

He needed it and you needed him

[cator99]

I love making phone calls I love sending emails and being overall pleasant to interact with I love looking for solutions and being eager to understand how the world around me operates and to ask people about the role they play in this beautiful world I love being able to tell that other people are excited for any reason at all to strut their shit in this way and I always take notes on how they do it. It's all so funny to me. I am doing this because I am an insane person. I am the best person for the job. I am like the inverse of Jude St Francis. Born in a wet cardboard box doomed fucked in the head and forced to make an accommodation with life BUT I think its cunty and will commit awesomely violent ritual seppuku when my life is at its absolute peak. But yeah I dont get anxiety anymore if I dont like something it I can just thank them for their time and then find a way to leave and literally do anything else no one really cares as long as you do it right and you know like you can just keep looking for better things you literally never know you might turn out to be really passionate about fish mongering and didnt even consider it and it's not always easy but if the alternative is unbearable then fuck it pack a bag and stick your thumb out on the highway and spend 2 hours chatting about life with a fat 60 year old semi truck driver with photos of his happy fatty family plastered over the entirety of his dashboard and who was concerned why some kid was wandering the highway without a jacket and is nothing but totally kind and appropriate towards you which you kind of didnt expect when you hit the road but then you get to the city and go to an orgy party at some xi/xirs apartment who you met while on a psychiatrist-approved leave to attend an LGBT youth summer camp during the tail end of your 4 month stay at a youth mental health/detention facility but you can't stay there because his 40 year old housemate just announced that he's moving to the states and suddenly wouldnt be contributing to next months rent and didn't want to say anything until the night before when his boxes were being actively moved out of the apartment in order to avoid any sort of confrontation and the resulting altercation is heart breaking this 40 year old workig professional gay dude just absolutely betrayed this screwed up teenaged lesbian with no hesitation but maybe the drug fuelled sex parties had something to do with it but im just there stoned watching some tv show about anthropomorphic fast food and xe really did care about me but this was not the time to be pulling some cutesy whimsical runaway shit so we said our goodbyes and xe gave me directions the youth emergency shelter. As far as I was concerned, I was living the dream. This was just the "hard" part. I broke the high score on the ancient tetris machine at the day-shelter and barely ate anything because they relied entirely on donations and for whatever reason nobody thought to donate anything gluten free. I slept in the girls quarters of the cold shelter we were taken to every night, driven in huge vans by the staff at the day shelter. The girls were primarily quiet and didnt want to talk or even look at anyone. Some of the native girls were chill to play board games or watch tv with though. The guys were real rough. Mostly drug addicts. Mostly violent. They were known for treating each other terribly. I was told I could "use whatever rooms or washrooms that align with your gender identity". I told them I'd rather use the room that made me less likely to have me end up raped or my pillow pissed on.

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[winderlylandchime]

And 3x10 is here 1/2: He walked in with a coffee at 10 pm btw and just went ‘This better start the same way the last one did. With Brian and Justin, I suffered through almost the whole season of *waves his hand and makes a face like he smelled something bad* that guy, i deserve to see them in every scene! HAHA SEE! ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE! *pauses tv and crosses his fingers* Brian telling Justin he loves him.’ ‘Oh shit is everything closed? I MISSED FEISTY JUSTIN! See what trumpy wannabe is doing, Brian! HE IS BEING BLOWN BY THE POSTERS! NOW THAT IS FUN- JUSTIN! HE JUST SPIT AT THE OH MY GOD. I missed this little fucker *toasts his coffee* welcome back Blondie’ ‘for fucks sake Brian! The guy is closing down places and you’re just cool with that?! Oh Ted is losing his mind, oh this is sad. I feel so bad for Emmett *claps his hands enthusiastically* OH OH OH! Is this gonna be Ben’s redemption arc from boredom? He did drugs, ted is about to be an alcoholic? So they bond that way and Ben hel- VACATION? You suck benny.’ ‘Oh is Michael gonna be annoying about the baby? Of course he is, who am i kidding.’ He is now laughing hysterically over Brian’s comment about Princess Diana ‘new goal unlocked for new years: to be as funny as this fucker’ ‘its that kid! Is he gonna be Bens road to make him less boring? Please say yes, because the dude is avoiding every attempt i throw at him.’ ‘LOOK ITS BRIAN AND JUSTIN AGAIN! Where is Justin going? Project? I still have PTSD from the times he went to that fucker.’ ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MIKE? Who just stalks a woman at night?! I dont know where I was before i met Mike but fuck, do i wish I was still there’ THE SCENE WITH JUSTIN AND POSTERS IS UP!! ‘Ooo someone is feeling a certain type of way about trump- JUSTIN!! MY BLONDIE IS A VIGILANTE!!! *raises his coffee to toast* Sugar baby by day, vigilante by night. Respect! Brian for sure knows it was him. There is no way that he doesn’t recognize his art. He for sure knows!’ ‘Emmett has a heart of gold! If he doesn’t get a happy ending i will burn this whole place down to the ground!’ ‘AH LOOK ITS BRIAN AND JUSTIN AT WORK AGAIN! Ohhhhh he is taking Blondie on a date. I dont like the fact that Justin only says he’s busy. I mean if I am having war flashbacks to when he was sneaking around can you imagine my man Bri Bri? Oh fuck the trumpy bitch is here. Brian for sure knows it’s Justins work, come on! Hes not dumb, even though they for some reason wrote him dumb in this season’ ‘okay is your tv broken or did they on purpose make Teds scenes all gloomy and dark. Absolutely not. Ted, you have to go somewhere else! This guy has bad written all over him. If he thinks soda is pricey now, boy do i have some news for you about the future’ Brian now caught Justin printing posters ‘BLONDIE! He’s doing that at work? Oh thats bold, i see he took Brians advice and is showing that he has balls! SHIT BRIAN! I KNEW THAT HE KNEW! He knows his boys work! Come on Brian, listen to Blondie. What the fuck is going on, i mean i know he wants to go to New York, but there’s other ways im sure.’ ‘No Ted! NO! Go home! DUDE NO! *looks at his pills all sad* I don’t think ted and I are twinsies anymore. HE IS CHEATING ON EMMETT! NOOOOOOOOO’ Ben now told that Hunter has HIV ‘fucking hell. I mean he was offering without a condom but fucking hell, nobody is safe. Damn maybe there is some hope left for Ben’ ‘ted looks rough. EMMETT, he is on drugs! He cheated! I know its sad because addiction is horrible but i am mad at Ted because this will really hurt my boy, Em. WHY ARE THEY ALL PISSING ME OFF CONSTANTLY?’

Fiesty Justin! I call him Sassy Justin but yes, it’s so good to have him back.

Is Hunter Ben’s ticket to becoming less boring? For like half a minute and then he gets boring about Hunter.

PTSD about Justin working on projects! So relatable. And yes! Brian asks Justin on a date in this episode and Justin’s busy but the casualness of it? I love it. It feels like this isn’t the first time. That they just have been going to restaurants or whatever since getting back together.

He’s still so protective of Emmett. He’s so sweet! And yes, it’s so easy to be mad at Ted about this storyline. He’s no longer twinsies with Ted.

[straightjacket111]

nina ,

i love you 1st love. i wish i cud tell u that easily that my past doesnt define me for who i am now. but thats okie because we’re learning. we’re learning to forgive ourself. accept people no matter what because of how much we love them. im sorry everything that have happen when u left . all the things u didnt see it coming from me. im sorry ive became worst after u left. i wish i did have so much hope to change myself even more. i know that during that time ive never got the change to send u the text because of how much u hated me. it was like this. my heart says wait my mind say she hates u just kill yourself and everything else like that. i wish i did send u an happy birthday text . but i was judging myself too much i couldnt make it up to u but be the worse. untill u came in my life. u came in life at a perfect timing from saving me. u may think like. i look happy . i was never happy the only time when i was happy is when i look through everything in my head when i was high and cry bout it. i wish i was high enough to send u the text but ive never anyone my sadness but only to matin. thats why u thought i was happy. but cut the crap. right now im making u feel like im using u and im so disappointed with myself. i was so mad at myself. because all this while ive never used u. even till now i still feel bad about everything when u bought my fam stuff or buy me food and stuff like that. i still feel bad . ive nevee wanted u to spend on me. and most of time when we had sex . it wasnt just sex. it was love. i love you i didnt have sex with u just have fun and make u feel good. its because i love you. im sorry that right now u look at me as a sex person. but im not like that. i only wanted it if u wanted it thats all. because i love you and i never want to make u feel like im using u. im sorry for my past that u look at me like this. i wished it was easy for me to say that its just my past forget bout it. but not theres always ups and downs in our chapter and it will always takes time. i wish time was kind to us. but after what my mum said to u . i feel like everyone do have a bad past that u wouldnt expect it coming. but to just keep looking foward . thats what it makes me feel. like just dont look back . ofcos i know its hard . but i know we can get through it. like uve said a good relationship involves with alot of forgiveness. and i feel like the reason we’re going through this is because we’re learning bout each other and growing with each other. everyday we’re constantly to make us perfect for each other. like what the nenek malay says. kalau gadoh banyak banyka kawhin tau haha.

okie but uve been always bringing out the best in me . uve been always there for me and giving hope. im sorry ive lost some of my hope after u left because of myself. but ure a great a woman. ure a strong a woman. ure smart ure not stupid. ure the best out of everything. ure just my dream girl. because uve been pushing me to be better givinf me motivation to not give up. even if u didnt i will always not give up or even think bout giving up with u. because i love you. i will keep chasing after u even if u push me away. because i love you. im chasing my 1st love just like the song compass. ure my only compass. i’ll get lost without u. without u idk where i will be right now. idk if i will be more worst. or i will a drug addict or anything else. it was all because of u. ive never change for anyone but only for u. im sorry if im making u think im not changing myself because of myself but i do too. u helped me . i started praying and all of that because i want to. ure the best thing that ever happen to me. i really thank allah for this and i thank you for entering my life again. because u really bring out the best of me only u . i love you with all my heart the same love u give to me .

i just wish i could go back to the past . but idk its life . its an experience for us to be better not go there. i wish life was easy. i wish ive always think positive. but nina. im sorry for everything that ive done but im not rushing u but insyallah i hope u will forgive me and i will always be there to help u through it . i love you. and i miss you alot.

@ninzsuki

[horrorofthebeast]

i felt it would be a good idea to share this story from when i was medicated basically around 2013 or so i got diagnosed with schizophrenia (theres a funny post going around as to how that happened lol) and i basically went through every single anti-psychotic medicine that wasn't highly addictive. abilify, latuda, lamitrogine, you name it

let me tell you that when nothing worked and they said that a fibromyalgia medicine that they were testing had good effects on psychotic and schizophrenic people as well, i took the chance, bc it was new-sounding and they made it look good

let me tell you, never, ever, ever say yes to new medication if they admit to using you as a guinea pig (and still make you pay the $300 a month)

the medicine was duloxetine(cymbalta) and holy shit, i think im the reason why half of the warnings are on that medicine. i had seizures, i had an entire month where i wasnt lucid... yeah, it was bad.

i also recently found out that it can cause brain damage if you miss even a few days, so, nice

idk the reason why i wanted to share specifically, but fuck, man, ive found that anti depressants are better for my symptoms than anything else i've ever tried, including the aforementioned meds as well as dietary supplements, ashwagandha, etc etc etc

oh my god, so actually i think this persom called or emailed me or I contacted themselves on the website. anyways they were saying they had a breakthrough drug for schizophrenia and i was about to do it but i ran it by my therapist and he said no. so after seeing this im so so glad i did not try it. but also curious of what it did. right now because of the situation all schizos are in im VERY scared of new medications. the last new medication i tried have me tardive dyskinesia in my jaw and it was very painful and would not stop until the medication subsided. its going to b hard for us and for people bringing out new medications because we're used to it damaging us and a propect of something new entices us. but after hearing this i am a bit afraid. but im sure one day we will figure it out.

i take antidepressants too. i usually feel worse when im off my antidepressants then when i am off my antipsychotics....

[yelenasdog]

it was a pleasure to burn (spencer reid x fem bau!reader)

genre: fluff i think even though the name is v angsty LOL it’s a literal screenplay with the amout of dialogue i wrote LMAO so idk

summary: a particularly rough and disturbing case gets to reader, and spencer and reader are brought together by this.

words: just about 6k (my longest fic ahhHH)

warnings: typical criminal minds gore and violence just up a notch, they get on a plane at the end, somebody gets ~shot~, somebody gets ~bonked~, cursing, mentions of reid’s addiction, and i think that’s it. also the reader wears reading glasses but that’s the only predetermined factor of appearance. btw i don’t think i used any pronouns in this but i apologize if i’m wrong. 

a/n: LMFAO i was outside awhile ago celebrating litha with a nice lil hike and i saw a butterfly and i had just started watching cm and was like hMMm... killer who’s obsessed with symmetry??!1??!? y Es. enjoy 😼 EDIT: THERE IS SO MANY PLOT HOLES OMG FBREHJBFHEJFRE IM RBFBRE

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

Present Day, Central Park, New York

“Aren’t they just stunning?” The unsub spoke, keeping her eyes trained on the butterfly sitting happily on her finger. The brightly colored creature fluttered off her hand that was dripping scarlet, flying around her curly head of brown hair. Her, formerly white, blood-stained dress flowed around her as she followed it, watching in awe as it soared about. She giggled, plopping down on the grass in the middle of a circle of her victim’s pale, lifeless bodies, all of them with ironically morbid butterflies resting upon the frail skin of the corpses.

“Aren’t they, agents?”

She slanted her green eyes, gripping the grass a little harder. I flicked my tongue over my lips nervously, looking over to the lanky man on my left. He simply shrugged, just about as sure of how to handle the situation just as much as I was.

“If I knew you all were coming, I would have cleaned up, I really would have, I promise.”

We slowly walked towards her, twigs and leaves crunching under our feet. It could have been comparable to a hunter stalking its prey, but it unfortunately was quite the opposite.

6 days earlier, Quantico, Virginia

“3 bodies, all found within the last 48 hours in rural New York. So far, the first body has revealed that although it was dumped upstate, the victim was murdered in the city, and the same most likely goes for the other bodies as well. Nails well manicured, no drugs in the system. They aren't junkies, we’re dealing with upper class citizens.”

My face contorted as I took the photos from Reid’s hands, his large and tanned one surprising me by how soft it felt as it accidentally brushed against mine. I blushed like a madman, looking to see him doing the same thing. I cleared my throat getting Rossi’s attention.

“Why are we only now hearing of this?” I questioned, flipping through the images as I did so, my confusion only growing. I didn’t recieve an answer, leaving my curiosity to bloom.

“Wait, how did you say they were killed again?”

Morgan looked up, taking the photos from me. “He didn’t.”

I sighed, pushing my glasses up on my nose.

“Is there at least any correlation between the bodies and the butterflies?”

Our attention was shifted to JJ, the resident expert on the insects.

“Actually, the ones being found with the bodies are from the Amarynthis family, all native to Latin America. They weren’t there by accident so yes, they’re somehow related.”

Rossi stood up, grabbing his coat.

“Well, none of this is nearly enough for a profile, so pack your bags and tell the others, wheels up in an hour. We’re headed to New York.”

4 days earlier, F.B.I. Field Office, New York, New York

“The final report from the latest victim is in, all the autopsies are clean. They show no signs of struggles, no marks, no blood, no anything. The eyes weren’t bloodshot, so suffocation is ruled out, and that was our best bet.”

I sighed, sliding the case file across the glass table to Spence as I took my seat, sinking into it and allowing myself to be consumed by its warmth.

“So what your saying is that we’re back at square one.”

I looked up at Hotch from where I sat, running my hand through my ponytail.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”

Just then, the young Doctor spoke up as he flipped through the pages.

“The eyes weren’t just not bloodshot, there was barely any blood left in any of the victims bodies, only about 3% of the volume left. The killer drained them.”

Morgan gave me a shocked expression, silently asking for an explanation.

“Which you failed to mention, Y/n.” Aaron spoke, agitation once again present in his voice.

I looked at the ceiling, crossing my arms in front of me before turning to face Hotch once more.

“Yeah, well, I thought it was obvious when I said no blood.” I stuttered out cautiously.

“On the bodies! Not in the bodies!” Morgan exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in what was in my opinion, very childish. Everyone else in the room aside from Spencer was either shaking their heads or pinching the bridge of their noses, and reasonably so.

“Look, I’m sorry I just didn’t see it in the report, plus, In the scheme of things, it just doesn’t seem to matter.”

I soon regretted my words, realizing how ill-fit they were for the current conversation I was having. Spencer looked up, tilting his head.

“Doesn’t seem to matter? How? There’s an endless amount of possibilities now that we know this. If we had known it sooner we probably could have figured out the pattern and caught the one doing this!” He harshly spewed, his voice acting like a crescendo of sorts, quiet and calm and moving towards a loud and violent tone. Tears began to prick at the corners of my eyes and I was starting to feel guilty, not to mention absolutely stupid as could be.

“I’m- I really am sorry guys, truly.”

Hotch locked eyes with me, taking a stern tone that one would usually take with a disobedient child, perhaps even Jack.

“I hope that’s a comfort to you when another body shows up. That’s their blood on your hands.”

I was frozen, the gravity of the situation taking its toll.

In the background I heard him say something to Morgan about a new profile having to be made as there were many new things to be known from this revelation. But it all went in one ear and out the other, just unpleasant white noise.

As I clumsily stumbled out of the room, I felt Reid’s eyes burning holes into the back of my brain. I was quick to turn my head to meet his glance, causing him to look down. I felt bad, the weight on my chest growing heavier from the interaction.

I sat down at my desk, turning on my computer and immediately going to google. I typed in “hypnosis” and let the info trickle in.

About 30 minutes later, I still felt absolutely horrible, but I had also put together a valuable profile in the time that had passed. I shut the newly finished file, blowing an abandoned strand of hair out from my eyes. I had to do a double take when I saw Spencer staring once more, his deep hazel eyes meeting my own. I gave him a small smile before standing up and walking to Hotch’s makeshift New York office. I pushed open the heavy door, placing the folder on his too-clean desk.

“What’s this?” He asked, taking it in his hands.

“My theory about the unsub. I think I know what she’s been doing. You can tell the team if you want, I’m not sure if they would wanna hear it from me. ”

He gave a small smile, pushing the file back over to me.

“You get the team together and I’ll get the local PD caught up. You tell them yourself.”

A few minutes later, everyone except for Reid had gathered in the meeting room. I peeked through the half closed blinds that allowed a line of vision to his desk in an attempt to locate him. He was positioned there, staring blankly at his laptop that appeared to have nothing on the screen. I knocked on the window lightly to catch his attention, his glazed over eyes looking in my direction. I tilted my head at him, silently beckoning him to join me. He only shook his in response, shaggy brown locks swaying back and forth. I sighed, frowning at his action. I turned to the group, clasping my hands in front of me.

“Everyone, this will just be a second if you’ll excuse me.”

With a raised eyebrow from Hotchner and a jab in the direction of Spencer’s workspace, I swiftly walked out of the crowded room.

“Spence, care to join us?” I asked, resting one of my hands against my hip, the other on his orderly desk.

“No, I don’t think I will. I need to try to figure this out before she finds her next victim.”

“What makes you think the unsub is a she?” I searched his eyes that had seemingly become brighter at my piqued interest in his hypothesis.

“Well, the unsub seems to be obsessed with symmetry, all the bodies being found in obscure yet symmetrical positions. This could suggest she had some sort of deep rooted insecurity, possibly from some sort of bullying from growing up in a small town where she was looked at as a superior for subpar looks. She moved to the big city, expecting a big break. Instead she was shunned for being less than average. She grew frustrated and as a result, she began her killing spree. The stresser could have been one too many insults that made her snap. Plus, that would account for the butterflies left on the scenes that are used in modern examples of both femininity and symmetry.”

I smiled widely at his words.

“What- why are you smiling, what are you smiling at?”

I tapped his desk, rolling my bottom lip between my teeth. I headed back towards the conference room, looking over my shoulder.

“Because, I’m glad we’re on the same page, Dr.”

——————

“So, our girl, as Dr. Reid has explained to us, is obsessed with her appearance. She’s an organized killer, no mistakes and no signs of blood or anything of the sort on scene. She has practice, she does this sort of thing every day. She is most likely in the age group of 23-30, and has a job in the cosmetic industry, our guess is in plastic surgery. She probably volunteers weekends at local butterfly sanctuaries or zoos, finding comfort in their perfection that those in her life, or formerly in her life, cannot and could not provide.”

“Which would explain to her easy access to non-native species of the insects. She has an absolute infatuation with symmetry, which yet again, links the butterflies on the crime scene to her MO.”

Spencer and I were vividly explaining our shared theory to the team, as well as local law enforcement. He was excited by his discovery and the lead on the killer, and his energy was contagious.

“She kills without remorse and out of jealousy, picking victims who all have one thing in common.”

Spence pointed to all of the images pasted on the board in the center of the room, all of them split in half and reflected, creating a perfect mirrored portrait.

“They all have perfectly symmetrical faces, as well as strong jawlines and high cheekbones. As most of these victims are models or those searching to start a modeling career, we believe she is luring them in with a photographer trope, promising to make their dreams come true.”

I nodded, taking a moment to study Reid’s own sharp yet somehow soft features. I allowed my eyes to wander over his sunken in, kind, and curious eyes; his pillowy pink lips that are in dire need of some chapstick.

“Agent?”

I turned my head, snapped back to reality by Rossi calling my name.

I gave a tight and quick smile, returning to the topic at hand and tactics to catch the unsub. But of course not before Emily gave me a crooked smile, resulting in me rolling my eyes.

“Physically, she’s nothing special, most likely a mundane appearance or one with quite obvious surgical changes. No in between. Check all of the plastic surgeon offices in the area for both employees who fit our description, as well as a patient who has gotten any serious facial mod operations. Do the same for any weekend volunteers at local zoos and animal sanctuaries, specifically working with any insects.”

It was an NYPD officer then that spoke up this time, raising her hand briefly.

“But, you still haven’t mentioned how she’s killing them?”

“Hypnosis.” Reid and I both spoke at the same time. He looked to his black Converse, sliding his hands into his pockets. I observed the room and all of the skeptical faces filling it.

“Even if it may sound far fetched, we saw no signs of anything that indicated a struggle or even any marks or wounds. This led us to believe that some form of hypnosis was used to allow her an easy kill. This means extra caution will have to be taken when actually handling the unsub. Even though we’re positive she’s using hypnosis, which method she is using to actually kill them after the fact is what we’re unsure of.”

I turned to Spencer, handing off the explanation to him.

“We think that because of her whole thing with symmetry, she wouldn’t want to disturb the natural state of the victims and their faces, even if she would do the same to her own.”

“Which means?” JJ asked, her blue eyes slanted and glossed lips left ajar.

“It means that the unsub wouldn’t want to leave any large marks like stab or gunshot wounds.” I nodded at Prentiss, who had made the assumption, confirming she was correct.

“With her presumed background in plastic surgery, we believe she was able to make small incisions that made no visible scars. We’re having the coroner look back over the bodies as we speak.”

“She drains the body’s blood 97% of the way before closing the holes up. What she does with the blood, we don’t know. Another Eddie Mays, perhaps.”

I looked over to Spencer, raising my brows at his comparison. He was quick to defend himself, shaking his hands left to right and mouthing “No” while simultaneously shaking his head the same way, something he seemed to be doing often as of late.

After we had finished consulting with any officers who had remaining questions, we branched off to conduct our own routine investigations. We found that the only thing they all had in common apart from the symmetrical faces, is that they all had visited the Central Park Zoo in the 24 hours before they were killed. We received a phone call from Garcia not long after we put together those pieces, being alerted that there was one girl who had, in her words, “Hit every mark there was to hit, sunshine.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

“Her name is Alessia Copelas, she works weekdays as a surgeon's assistant at Premier Cosmetic, and weekends at Central Park Zoo from 4-8 p.m.”

I smiled at the new info from the blonde bombshell known as Penelope, turning to Reid who was still looking at me quizzically.

“Alright, thanks babes, you’re the best.” I spoke into the phone, a comical “Mwah!” made from either side as we hung up.

He shook his head, keeping the odd look on his face.

“I swear, you guys have a weirder relationship than her and Morgan.”

I laughed, sliding my phone into my back pocket.

“Oh, please, Spence.” I gingerly placed a hand on his cheek, patting it twice.

“You’re just jealous.” I made a pouty face, letting my hand linger before walking off. “Come on, we’re going on a field trip.”

“Where to?” He asked, gripping the door frame, using it as leverage to swing himself closer to me. He took long and quick strides, catching up to me in no time.

“You like animals, right?”

———————

4 Days Earlier, Central Park Zoo, New York

As soon as we entered the zoo, our ears were filled with the sounds of the loud screeches of birds and monkeys alike. Reid covered his ears, cringing and making his displeasure known with an “Ahh!”

I smiled at his geeky behavior, admiring the animals in the enclosures. I paid special attention to a particularly impressive species of tarantula, leaning down to admire them. A few moments later I looked to my left and saw Spencer doing the same thing.

“Did you know that arachnids have asthma which is why they don’t run for extended periods of time, similarly to cheetahs?”

“Yes I did.”

His face scrunched up in an adorable manner, causing an involuntary giggle to fall past my lips.

“Well did you know that-“

“Ma’am?”

I turned to see a young woman with flaming red hair and a freckled face smiling at me, her green collared uniform top complimenting her eyes of a different shade wonderfully.

“Oh, hi, I’m Agent Y/l/n and this is Dr. Reid, we’re with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.”

Her expression shifted to a more confused one, her smile not leaving her face.

“What can I do for you two?”

“Is there an Alessia Copelas that works here, maybe volunteers on the weekends?” Spencer asked, his puppy dog eyes immediately warranting a response.

“Yeah, she volunteers here, she seems nice. Is she helping with an investigation?”

“Well we think that she may have some part in a series of murders.”

Her smile disappeared this time, turning into a cement frown as panic flooded her body.

“Oh God, was she- Is she a killer? Have I been working with a killer for all this time? I mean, I never had any shifts with her but from what I heard I thought she was so sweet-“

“Look,”

Reid glanced down to her name tag that read “Lillian” before meeting her eyes. His tongue darted out, licking his lips, a nervous habit of his I’d picked up on.

“Lillian, we aren’t sure if she’s the killer we just needed to get a feel on her and get some information regarding her personal life.”

She started frantically nodding her head, more trying to convince herself she was okay rather than ourselves. I looked over her shoulder at some exhibits, thinking to myself how this would end up being a waste of our time if this poor girl couldn’t get a grip on herself.

I was soon proven wrong when I looked over to see a young girl wearing an identical uniform to Lillian, probably somewhere between 23 and 24. She had untamed chocolate locks with bangs that stopped just above the shoulder, blemishes covering her T-Zone, and a rounded face to go with it.

The cherry on top? Under her arm she carried a small enclosure with what appeared to be amarynthis meneria, the same butterflies found on the victims.

I tapped Reid on the shoulder once as discreetly as possible, catching his attention. I heard him mutter a small “Oh God” before he told Lillian to walk away calmly and quickly. She ignored his request, turning to look at Alessia, letting out a blood curdling scream and sprinting the other direction.

“Shit.” I cursed, beginning to walk towards Alessia, Spencer by my side. I smiled at her, trying to appear friendly. Reid spoke up as we got closer.

“Hello, do you by any chance-“

wham!

“Spence!” I exclaimed, reaching down to help him up from where he had fallen from being whacked by the 4’2 pyscho that was Alessia Copelas.

“Did she get away?”

I turned to see her gone, the only sign she was even here being the forming bruise on the Dr’s face.

“Yeah. She did. I’m sorry, Reid, that was really stupid of me.” He shook his head, running his own hand over the raw skin.

“It’s fine, I would have done the same for you.” He looked up, and I wasn’t sure if it was my school-girl esque crush on him or the fact I just had another experience with a serial killer, but my heart was racing nonetheless.

————————

F.B.I. Field Office, New York, New York, 1 Day Earlier

The stress levels in the room were high.

Despite our best efforts, several more bodies had been found, New York’s narcissists were in a state of panic, and the spirits of the BAU were down to say the least.

“What? Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, looking at Hotch in disbelief.

He rolled his chocolate eyes, fanning the folder containing the new information we had gathered on Alessia.

“I wish I was, Y/n. She’s off the grid completely, her apartment is empty, phone and credit cards have been deactivated, and the surgeon’s office hasn’t heard from her for 5 days. And the media has decided to give her the name ‘Butterfly Baron’, so she’s probably been fueled even further. We need a new lead before she strikes again.”

I scoffed, standing up and pushing my chair away.

“This is unbelievable. How many times do we have to reinforce the idea to local PD! Especially when the unsub is a self absorbed psycho, do not give them a name! God, I really cannot fathom this.”

I reached up, letting my hair down from where I had messily thrown it up upon my arrival to work that morning.

I stormed out of the room, my heels clicking behind me. I ignored Hotch’s calling of my name, making my way to the closest restroom.

I went in, locking the door behind him. I ran my hands through my roots, tugging just enough to where it hurt.

Turning the water to the left all the way, I splashed it from the stream leaving the faucet on to my face. I scratched my fingernails against the skin, wiping away the tears that had escaped.

“This is all your fault, y/n.” I whispered at myself in the mirror, doing my absolute best to engrain the message in my brain. I had my head hung in shame when a knock rang out.

“Y/n?”

It was Spencer. My mind started going a million miles a minute, thinking about why he could be there. With my voice raised a few octaves, I tried to scrape up a response.

“I’ll be out in a few, Spence.”

It was quiet for a split second, leaving me to foolishly dance around the idea that he had left me to wallow in my sorrowful thoughts.

“Y/n, Hotch wanted me to check on you. Are you ok?”

My heart slightly sank at the idea that he might’ve just come to check on me because he himself was worried. I discarded the thought, bringing myself back.

“Y/n can you please answer me? If you don’t open the door I’m gonna send in JJ or Emily.”

I sighed, wiping under my eyes where my mascara had smudged, begrudgingly walking over to the door. Just as my hand landed on the silver handle, his voice that was constantly playing in my head echoed out once more.

“Y/n, please? I need to know you’re okay. I’ll come in there myself.”

A soft smirk graced my face as I turned the handle to reveal a worried looking Spencer.

“Y/n, oh God, you had me worried.”

He was quiet when he spoke and his hair looked messy, like he had been running his slender fingers through it in a stress filled state.

I sniffled, attempting to still keep back tears that were still threatening to spill.

“I’m alright, Spencer. Really, I’m fine.”

He gave me a small smile, his eyes meeting my own.

“I know, it’s just that when I had my Diludad problem,” he hesitated.

“I would lock myself in bathrooms to shoot up, and I know you aren’t having a problem like that but I just was worried about you- what are you doing?”

I cut off his rambling by throwing my arms around his middle. He tensed, but quickly melted. He wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders and my waist, laying his head on mine.

“Y/n, I promise you, you’re doing your absolute best to stop Alessia. We wouldn’t even be where we are right now if you hadn’t made the connections. Those deaths are not your fault.”

My tears finally began to cascade like a waterfall, staining his shirt.

“I know, but it’s just like it is all my fault! I could have paid closer attention, or-or, I could have went after her at the zoo, it’s all my fucking fault, Reid.”

I sobbed into his shirt, my hand gripping his shirt like my life depended on it. Like if I let go I would fall into a deep, deep, endless hole.

His hand on my waist moved up to cradle my head.

“It’s not, I promise you-“

He was cut off mid sentence by the ringing of his phone.

“I am so, so sorry-”

I pulled away, breifly touching under my nose with my wrist, then moving a hair behind my ear.

“Nope, it’s fine, don���t worry.” Our words almost had overlapped each other as we clambered to fight the tension that had risen. I closed my eyes, tilting my head up, thinking about how unprofessional yet intimate our previous position had been. How wrong, yet how right it felt.

I kept running the moment through my head, the feeling of his warm figure encasing mine on replay.

His phone call played as background noise to the film playing in my brain, his voice calming me to an extent.

“Yeah, we’re on our way. Thanks, Morgan.”

He closed the phone with a snap, also snapping me out of my trance, putting the movie on pause.

“They’ve got a hit. Copelas was seen dropping by her old apartment.”

And for the first time since that Goddamn case had started, I smiled genuinely.

“Let’s go get her.”

————————

15 Minutes Prior, Central Park, New York

“Hotch?”

“Yes?” He looked back from where he was driving, following our lead in a rushed manner.

“What will we do if she...” I trailed off.

“Hypnotizes one of us?” He finished for me. I nodded solemnly.

The look on his face was conflicted and it took him a moment to come up with a response.

“We kill her before we have to kill one of our team members.”

He saw a look of uncertainty on my face and spoke up once more.

“And that’s an order.”

I nodded again, making eye contact with him through the rear view mirror. I fell back into my seat, closing my eyes briefly.

After a few more minutes on the road, we had arrived.

The doors all slammed to the SUVs, one after the other as we stepped out.

“The letter said that she would be here, somewhere here.”

The voice of Morgan was channeling through my earpiece, referring to the letter found at her apartment that she had left just for us.

“We ordered evac on citizens, correct?”

The unsure voice of JJ was also heard through the earpiece, her uncertainty quite unusual to hear.

“Yes, it was the first thing we did, Jayj.”

I whispered, a sly smirk from Spencer forming at my behavior.  

“Oh shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

snap!

Our senses adapted, becoming dialed to 11 at the sound of a twig snapping under someone's feet.

“Was that you?” I mouthed to Spencer. He shook his head no and I silently cursed to whatever force was listening.

I nodded, which he then reciprocated, the pair of us slowly walking towards the source of the sound after he did.

“They’re going to remember me, I’ll go down in history.”

The voice was sing-songy and quiet, floating through the air. I took a shaky breath, continuing my steady pace.

My breathing momentarily halted soon after.

Different variations of “Oh my God”s, and loud gasps from almost everyone on the team flooded my ear canal at the horrifying sight in front of us.

Red. So much of it.

“Guys, I think we know what she’s been doing with the bodies’ blood.”

“No shit.” I muttered under my breath.

She was bathed in the blood, it looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

“Alright everyone, I want you to approach her as quietly as possible, Morgan, if you get the chance, corner her.”

Hotch’s voice was a stark contrast to her own, Derek’s response all the same.

—————————

Present Day, Central Park, New York

“But Agents, you still haven’t answered my question. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Alessia Copeleas, FBI, come on, get up, lets go.”

Derek’s voice was stern, not asking, but demanding that Alessia come with us.

“I’m afraid I just can’t do that, Agents.”

She stood up abruptly, causing all of our weapons to rise. The sun reflected off of the silver metal of Reid’s gun, sparkling in a stunning way that caught me off guard.

We all were trying to act as if we were in total control of the situation, but we could tell that us nor Copelas really believed that. Her words were her weapon, and this was the one time where words could hurt, but sticks and stones had virtually no power.

“Take another step and we will have no hesitation to fire.”

She smirked, rolling her eyes.

“If you do, will I be famous you think? You think they’ll hear about me back home?”

Her curls softly blew in the wind, making her appear almost harmless, maybe even endearing, if it wasn’t for the hardening coat of human blood soaking her clothes and seeping from her skin.

“Is that what you want? The kids back home and everyone here to hear about you? You want ‘Butterfly Baron’ written on every billboard in Times Square, your picture painted in museums, films to be made in your honor?” Reid was the one who spoke up this time, his voice remaining strong. Her eyes shone with a sickening excitement at what he said.

“You want to be famous?”

She nodded vigorously.

“Too bad.”

My eyes widened, surprised at the detour the conversation had taken.

“What-what do you mean?”

“Please, the only thing people will hear about is a sad, boring little girl from a small town who killed to feel better about herself. They’ll forget about you in a week, who knows, maybe they’ll even grow an infatuation with your town, someone you went to school with may get as lucky as to catch their big break!” He laughed, while Alessia looked absolutely devastated.

“You? You’ll be a nobody.”

“That’s not true! I’ll go down in history, and they won’t! I’m the fucking butterfly baron for hells sake! All these people?” She gestured towards her field of bodies.

“You won’t remember their names, maybe not even their pretty faces, but me? I’ll live forever.”

Her nostrils flared and she strode over to Reid with purpose. The safety on my glock clicked off, but Spencer motioned for me to wait. So I did.

“You know, Agent-“

“It’s Doctor.”

This visibly agitated her even more as she started her sentence over again.

“Doctor, you have a beautiful bone structure. Absolutely perfect. Symmetrical, not to mention just flat out stunning.”

A glaze formed over Spencer’s honey eyes at her words. He lowered his gun momentarily before turning towards me, Copelas doing the same.

“And you, Agent. Wow. I feel like I’m in an art exhibit, you’re gorgeous. I think the Doctor man here would agree.”

As he lifted his revolver at me, the situation became all too real as I understood what was happening.

I either had to shoot the man that I was struggling to admit I was beginning to love, or died at the hands of the very same man.

Tears flooded my eyes, all safeties were turned down, and all guns were pointed at Reid.

“Spence, please.”

My voice was weak, something that seemed to bring Alessia lots of joy.

She laughed before talking again, commanding Spencer.

“Pathetic, really! Spence”, she mocked,“shoot her.”

“No!”

bang!

whack!

--------------------- 

Present Day, Somewhere In The Sky, The Jet

I opened my eyes from where I had been tackled to the ground by Hotch, surveying my surroundings to see Alessia laying on the grass, the source of her gunshot wound non-distinguishable from the previous blood on her body.

I looked to the right to see where Spencer had crumpled to, his frame bent in a discombobulated position.

“Spencer!” I cried out, crawling over to him like some sort of dog,

“What happened to him?”

“Y/n, he was going to shoot you-“

“I don’t care you should have let him!”

I cradled his head in my lap, allowing my pent up tears to fall.

“Y/n?”

My eyes snapped open for real this time, my mind calmed at the sight of Spencer sitting next to me on the couch, gently shaking my shoulder in an attempt to wake me from my nightmare.

“Spencer! Sorry, was I too loud?”

He chuckled, gesturing to the rest of the sleeping plane around us.

“You’re fine, I wasn’t sleeping, I decided to reread ‘Fahrenheit 451’ for nostalgia purposes. And you weren’t that loud, you just looked like you were having a bad dream.”

I chuckled at the not-so outlandish idea in an attempt to diminish it from his mind and move on.

“I’m fine. But fun fact, I did have nightmares after reading ‘The Veldt’. Seriously, I don’t get how you can just reread Bradbury’s stuff all the time.”

The genius scoffed, starting a rant on how Ray Bradbury’s storytelling was just classic literature and deserved to be reread, thus successfully changing the topic as I hoped my statement would. Although soon after, he caught on much quicker than I would have liked him to.

“And not to mention, The Veldt alone could be seen as a forewarning to the 21st century and beyond, even Bradbury himself supported that interpretation-‘

I gave him a tired smile, enjoying his rambling like I always did.

“-and you totally just got me to change the subject.”

“I was wondering when you were gonna catch up.”

“Hey!”

He laughed as I rested my head on my hand, trying to fall back asleep.

“Really, I can tell those nightmares are bad. What’s going on?” He questioned, his tone empathetic and compassionate.

“It’s nothing, Reid. I just keep seeing in the park, when Alessia got shot and you-you got hurt but instead of getting up like you did in real life, you just…”

I trailed off, not wanting to relive the negative dream any longer for fear of the tears that were pricking my eyes escaping.

“It’s okay, that didn’t happen, I’m right here.”

He pulled me into a hug, allowing me to bury my head in the crook of his neck, his warmth consuming me once more, a sequel to the film from earlier.

“I know, but what if it hadn’t?” I asked as I pulled away.

He shook his head, reaching for his wallet.

“In this job, this course of work, we can’t focus on ‘what if’s’. In this job, we also get nightmares, all of us. It happens.”

He slid a picture over to me, it was of a happy family. The edges were worn from years of being carried, but the picture seemed loved.

“Gideon gave me that when my nightmares started. He told me about how those families we save everyday, and how that’s what makes what we do worth it. And I know you didn’t know Gideon personally, or the work on the specific case with that family, but I want you to have it anyway-“

I cut him off by throwing my arms around his neck, attempting to speak despite being muffled by his fluffy sweater.

“Thank you, Spence. Truly.”

I smiled, and I imagined he was doing the same.

“No problem y/n. Anytime.”

I moved my legs over to be tucked underneath my arms, leaning into Reid. He wrapped his arm around me, also leaning in. We both managed to fall asleep for the remainder of the ride in our state of content, but not before he managed to sleepily call out my name.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“When we land do you wanna go on a date or somethin’?”

I smiled at him, separating from his form just long enough to see that beautiful face of his.

“Without a doubt.”

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA I’M WAY TOO HAPPY WITH THAT LMAOOO but anyway chile- 

i don’t have some long ass paragraph to write this time omg wig, i’m just proud asf of my work for once (except for the zoo part ngl kinda didn’t like it😳) 

😛✨vibes✨ love u, xx hj

[mikabee]

Give Us A Little Love - Fallulah

This isn't just about BBC Sherlock and John.

I was making this about them in general, how they're literally one of the most portrayed literary characters of all time, there's always been readers speculating they're together or that Watson was actually a woman in the stories (for some goddamn reason, like cmon he was Doyle himself), and yet they've never been portrayed together in any big adaptations ever. It's not even a shipping thing, statistics say they should have at least ONE adaptation like that, and yet...

Anyway, that was what I intended, but while making this I realized it looks like an AU of sorts where John is a storyteller, and knows when he's in one- he's aware of all the adaptations and that they can't be together or Sherlock will be killed off. Sherlock, of course, comes close to saying something indiscreet many times and John has to do something to stop it each time to save him, despite it breaking his heart. He marries Mary for the same reason of course. Sherlock is just unconsciously aware of them being held apart, but that doesn't stop him from trying. Alright sorry for the long rambling, just tags are a bit inconvenient :D Tags!! @just--elope @love-in-mind-palace @mariowasd @iamjohnlocked4life @sad-senpai-noises @softlylock @bijohnwatso @ifyouarelookingforbabynames

[brelione]

Intervene (Barry X Reader)

Request:could you write a fic where Rafe is hitting on you at a party, but doesn't realize your Barry's girl? Rafe does something gross/awful and you take offense. Barry just stands back and watches you handle the situation, only stepping in before you go too far.

TW:Harrassment,sexual innuendos.

Being Barry’s girl meant helping him out at parties.Carrying a pistol,weed and coke for when shit started happening.It was one of those huge ass kook parties with loud music and plenty of stupid teenagers that were looking to buy.

Barry never forced you to leave the trailer, letting you do whatever you wanted most of the time as long as he knew where you were and that you were safe and had your phone on you just in case things went south and broke out into a fight.

He always made sure you were armed, didnt matter where you were going or who you would be with.He always had you carry a gun or a knife.He cared a lot for you, you were probably the one person on the island that he actually gave a shit about.

He remembered meeting you and immediately having an attraction to you, not just to your appearance but your overall aura and the way you spoke.He had listened to every word, the way you began to stutter when you were nervous.

He knew how you would act at parties, secretly watching you like some stalker.He admired the way that you’d take their keys, hiding them and writing a note on their leg for when they were sober enough to see properly.

You’d stay with the younger folks that were doing hard drugs to make sure that they wouldnt overdose or accidentally hurt themselves.He couldnt understand how you had the space in your mind to care about these random clients and he couldnt understand why he cared about you either.

It made him smile when you brought the money back to him, listening to the rules that he had given you and bringing back just as much as you should have.

Most of his workers would take some of the money from themselves or spend a fraction on something but you never did, not until he told you that you could when he found out that you lived in a shed with a shitty mattress on the floor with a battery powered lantern.

He would invite you over so you could sleep in a real bed and then at some point you had moved in with him.He didnt even know how he ended up falling for you and kissing you good night, hugging you from behind and pulling you to sit in his lap while he played a card game with a client.

He had noticed little things about you, how you were ready to fight anyone that dared to talk back to him.You were the only one allowed to do that and for anyone else to do that was a direct attack on both you and Barry.

Tonight Rafe had a good amount of shit on him,looking for people that were stupid enough.He had seen you at Barry’s plenty of times, never understanding where you were or why you were there.

Barry had gone to get alcohol,letting you roam free.He liked to watch you in your natural habitat,easily getting the crowds to split so you could get through.He sipped a beer,keeping an eye on you,chuckling when he noticed Rafe approach you.

He knew how much you hated the tall boy and how annoying Rafe was.He was excited to see how things would play out, a smirk on his face, taking a quick shot of fireball before turning to watch again.

“Hey beautiful.”Rafe smirked,refusing to move out of your way.You rolled your eyes,going to move around him only for him to grab your arm,squeezing your wrist. “Dont try to ignore me.”He whispered,his eyes moving down to places that they shouldnt be.You knew that you could easily destroy him, not feeling worried because you had the upper hand.Rafe just didnt know it yet.

You sighed,attempting to move past him again. “What?You think you’re too good to have a conversation with me?Dont be like that.”He chuckled,pretty much undressing you with his eyes.It was absolutely disgusting. “Im a fucking pogue,you’re not my type.”You hoped that would work.

You knew how much he despised the residents of The Cut.He shrugged, not really caring. “Doesnt matter,you’re hot.”He replied,biting down on his bottom lip. “Get the fuck out of my way.”You repeated, not backing down.

His smirk turned into nothing but emotionless,staring down at you and gripping your waist tight to hold you in place.You knew him as Rafe Cameron or ‘Country Club’.You had heard his name thrown around, mainly from Barry and the kids that Rafe terrorized.You couldnt even imagine being so pathetic that you started to beat up 16 year olds that were just living their lives.

He was a coke addict,an asshole and an all around terrible guy.He would stare at you whenever he saw you in Barry’s place,whether it be on the bed or in the main room with a blunt in between your fingers.His eyes would go wide when they fell on your practically bare chest,his face flushing and looking away quickly.It was annoying as all hell.

 “Do you know who the fuck I am?”He asked,fingernails digging into your skin. “Yeah?You think youre cool shit?Nobody gives a fuck who you are.”You snarled at him,scratching up both his wrists with your nails,creating red bloody lines.He stared down in horror. 

“You fucking bitch-I should punish you.”He grabbed at both your wrists,seeming like he was trying to throw you to the ground but not succeeding.He smiled a bit,licking his lips. “Can you imagine if I fucked you?You’re gonna look at me and tell me youre not interested?”He asked, looking you up and down.Managing to get one of your arms free,grabbing your pistol and holding the cold metal against Rafe’s chest.

Barry sighed,finishing his beer,deciding to intervene before you pulled the trigger.If it were anyone else he probably would’ve let you shoot but because it was Rafe he would lose half of his business if the son of a bitch was dead.Rafe watched,eyebrows furrowed as Barry came up behind you,his arms locking around your waist,whispering in your ear. 

“You wanna shoot him, baby?Go ahead and do it.Or you can let me punish the bitch, your choice.”He kissed your temple,smirking when you let out a sigh and dragged the cold metal down Rafe’s chest and put the pistol back in its place.

 “What did I tell you about messing with my shit?”Barry asked, squeezing your waist with a grin on his face as Rafe’s eyes widened, gulping. “Huh?You’re not gonna answer me?”Barry was holding you by his side,a smirk on his face. “I-I dont...you said not to mess with anything.”Rafe mumbled,staring at your gun nervously.

Barry nodded,squeezing your waist. “Yeah,that includes my girl.”Barry glanced over at you, Rafe’s heart dropping into his stomach.He didnt know that you were Barry’s.He had seen you around the trailer plenty of times,even seeing you on Barry’s bed in just your bra and underwear but he had assumed you were just the drug dealer’s fuck buddy. 

“I-I didnt know...im sorry.”Rafe mumbled, not quite satisfying you. “Why are you apologizing to me?Im not the one you tried to fuck, what?You dont got any respect for my girl? Fuckin misogynist ass.”Barry glared,thinking about a million ways he could absolutely pulverize the kook in front of him.

You chuckled,your arm around Barry. “Yeah, rich bitch.You want me to fucking shoot you in that ugly face of yours?I think your brain would look pretty great splattered across the ceiling.What do you think,Bear?”You asked your boyfriend,noticing the way his eyes were twinkling at the way you were being so assertive.

 “I think it’d look great,some color in this fuckin prison lookin place.”Barry agreed,looking up at the bare ceiling. “No-no,please!Dont kill me-im sorry.Im sorry, I didnt realize.”Rafe stuttered,making you laugh.

 “What?You’re only sorry because you know that im Barry’s bitch?What if I wasnt?”You asked,rolling your fingertip over the trigger of the gun.Rafe licked his lips,not knowing where to look or what to do. 

“I just...I didnt mean it like that.”He muttered, quite literally about to shit his pants. “You didnt mean what?Didnt mean to what?To bruise me or say rude shit to me?Which is it?”You asked,watching Barry’s jaw clench.

You hummed when he didnt answer, lifting up your leg and kicking him hard in the crotch.The boy collapsed,gasping for air.You pulled Barry’s arm off you,kneeling down and grabbing Rafe by his hair,pulling his head up before slamming his face onto the tile and sending his teeth through his bottom lip.

You smiled,giggling as you grabbed Barry’s hand. “Alright, lets go home.”You smiled up at your boyfriend,kissing him gently before leading him out of the large house.Rafe’s friends were rushing towards him and trying to figure out what happened.

You couldnt care less, Rafe Cameron’s friends were a ton of pussies that wouldnt dare to mess with someone that had a gun.Barry twirled you around, chuckling as you got into the car, his hand on your thigh as he drove. “He was scared shitless, baby.Its cute when you’re all defensive.”He grinned,pulling in behind the trailer.

 “Shut up.”You answered,going inside and getting on the bed,emptying your pockets of drugs,laying down properly.He came in a few moments later,stripping into just his boxers and his tanktop,climbing into the bed next to you, pulling one of the many blankets over the both of you with a sigh. “You shouldve shot him.”He grumbled. “Yeah, maybe next time.”You kissed his forehead.

@outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off 

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.If you’d like to be tagged in Barry imagines/headcannons comment with a purple emoji.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

[dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad]

season 6 thoughts

hey quick question why the FUCK did you start with that

like on the one hand i’m glad that now i know what happened right after the end of “that’s too much man!”. on the other hand… ow

the mountain bojack climbs is called “metaphor mountain” God bless Lisa Hanawalt

i LOVE the way the episodes are framed… like you get one flashback to bojack drinking and you think that was the first time then it’s like NOPE he was even younger

CINDY CRAWFISH AKSHDJDSF

AND BABY BOJACK SNUGGLING UP TO HIS MOTHER… TRYING TO FEEL AN EMBRACE SHE WOULD NEVER GIVE… CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB

WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS NEW INTRO

AND THE WAY IT HAS ALL THOSE FLASHBACK SCENES BUT IT STILL ENDS WITH HIM FALLING INTO THE POOL AND DIANE AND PEANUTBUTTER CHECKING TO SEE IF HES OK AND THEN HES JSUT LOUNGING IN HIS APPLE SHORTS;;; it’s just,, he’s going back home in the end, going back to the place where he started, as if everything will go back to the way it was before and he’ll find himself stuck in the same cycles he tried so hard to escape… all im saying is, i dont think this season is gonna end well

and how it dwells on his past, everything he did wrong, all the most heartwrenching moments, and there aren’t any changes to the intro (as far as i could tell) until episode 8… nothing changes if all you do is look back.

I am LOVING the Mr. Peanutbutter we’re getting this season. I was never really attached to him before; it’s not that I hated him, just that I liked all the other main characters better. and now that they’ve had him do something really bad and reckon with that,, he’s plumbing new depths, exploring those dark places, questioning if he’s truly as happy as he says he is

and bonding with bojack??? who would have guessed

bojack keeps giving advice that is, at best, the kind he doesn’t follow himself, and at worst, bringing others down into the well of self-pity that he’s been stuck in the whole series

Someone give Princess Carolyn a break…

SHE NAMED HER DAUGHTER RUTHIE IM CRYING

Guy seems like a cool guy but I feel like they’re setting him up to seem nice so that it’s more surprising when it’s revealed he’s not. I’m probably being too suspicious, but also we don’t know much of the details about his divorce, do we? Lakeith Stanfield's great tho

EPISODE 4 WAS COMEDY GOLD

The return of Queefburglar69

I WANNA WRAP PICKLES UP IN A BLANKET LIKE A BURRITO AND TELL HER EVERYTHINGS OKAY

Oh man Pickles talking about how her subscribers will always be there for her… like… it’s not one person, it’s a cloud of people, the contents and shape of which changes, might even be completely different and unrecognizable from one year to the next, but they’re all still there as this nebulous support system. and it reminded me of what bojack said to young sarah lynn about how her fans are the only things she can count on

Todd is babey.

Also him wearing the ace colors under his hoodie!!

I knew Diane’s rationale for going to chicago was bullshit. she said it makes her feel good, but “it doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you are,” and she still dwells on her bad feelings and hates herself just as much in chicago as she did in LA. moving somewhere else isn’t necessarily gonna change those tendencies, she has to work on it herself.

OH MAN AND WHEN BOJACK GETS DR CHAMP DRUNK AGAIN… THROWING THE BOTTLE OUT THE WINDOW WAS A WAY TO AVOID RUINING ANOTHER LIFE AND HE ENDS UP DOING THE EXACT THING HE HOPED HE WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN

was honestly kinda hoping that Dr Champ was just pretending he got drunk to show how bad bojack could get if he relapsed but at the end when he was like “stay…” that’s how i knew that shit was real.

todd is so fucking stupid i love him

ngl am kinda disappointed that todd’s confirmed white, cause i’ve kinda been picturing him as latino for a long time and i know rbw said he doesn’t want to alienate latino viewers who relate to todd. but it makes a  lot of sense, cause he always gets away with stupid shit and gets to the top of things without even having to try just because he knows a guy. and maybe the reason he’s so positive all the time is because it’s so easy for him to be, he never has to worry about shit bc of the privilege his whiteness affords him. also I love that we got to learn more about his backstory

THE CONTRAST BTWN “all the shitty things I did that I can barely even remember because I was high or drunk or it was thirty years ago” and “I remember everything. I’m sober now.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!

sharona sounds like a cross btwn princess carolyn and margo martindale

I have… mixed feelings about the haircut

Oh man Mr. Peanutbutter had a moment… he finally got that crossover episode… I was kinda hoping for a joke that went “Mr. Peanutbutter and BoJack Horseman in the same room? What is this, Philbert?” or “What is this, a short-lived show on a streaming network that got canceled because the star got addicted to painkillers and strangled his costar in a drugged haze?” but this is SO MUCH BETTER. I've never seen him cry before and the way he reacts to himself crying suggests that maybe he’s never cried before at all, and that’s why he just keeps laughing, almost like it’s forced, cause this is supposed to be his happiest moment and it’s not supposed to make him so sad. fucking,, character development

and the cold open of ep 8… you can forgive yourself and move on from your past wrongs but it doesn’t erase the things you did, the effects they have on people, and the trauma they’ve suffered. and then like, how can you forgive yourself if they never forgive you? how do you maintain that balance? why should you move forward if they can’t?

its weird to have an episode consisting entirely of guest stars but it also illustrates the extensive world they’ve built and i applaud that… also where the fuck is ana spanakopita

GINA RETURNS!!! HELL YEAH

her quote about not wanting to be defined by what bojack did to her has always stuck with me, and i feel like now, that quote has sort of come true. like, her saying that made us avoid reducing her to what happened to her, and thats why i wanted to see her come back this season, hopefully moving past it. but she can’t. it traumatized her. and everyone can see the effects of it but she feels like she can’t come forward, cause if she does she’ll be punished. shit like that changes you.

and it’s another instance on the show where someone chooses to advance their career & preserve their reputation over doing the right thing (like what bojack does with herb & sharona), but bojack does it out of self-interest, and gina does it so she doesn’t have to relive her trauma every time she gets interviewed or recognized by a fan. but even when she keeps quiet about it she’s still reliving her trauma

noah fence but what a waste of the once-per-season fuck word. youre really gonna use it in an episode IN WHICH BOJACK DOES NOT EVEN APPEAR, and not only that, but RECYCLE AN OLD SENTENCE FROM A PREVIOUS EPISODE

netflix places no limits on a show’s use of the fuck word (i think), so… fingers crossed for something better in the second part?

OH MY GOD PETE REPEAT INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS PETER ITS ALMOST LIKE HES TRYING TO FORGET THAT TIME & THAT PERSON HE WAS (im probably reading into it too much, I’m sure it’s mostly so we wouldn’t figure out who it was immediately. maybe im just like the kid with the coffee cup.)

and just… ppl describe this show as “family guy or the simpsons except the protagonist faces consequences for his actions” but bojack has gotten away with everything.

you ever just like… you ever watch a scene and feel the cliffhanger vibes creeping up and you just know it’s gonna end there and leave you unsatisfied and begging for more but at the same time that’s what makes it such a good place to end it. that was me with this. (and also the ending of undone)

the thing about this show is, it illustrates what it’s like to be a toxic person. and sure, he has it hard, but the show never asserts that he has it any worse than his victims, even if bojack himself does so. and he only does it so he can feel better about himself. he deserves a reckoning, he needs to pay for his bad deeds. but then, when you know what made him this way and what goes on inside his mind and that he wants to get better, it makes you feel for him, and forces you to ask if he deserves to get better and forgive himself and move forward. but even if he does, it doesn’t change the things he did. it doesn’t fix the lives he’s ruined.

anyway sound off if you think bojack’s gonna die at the end. hopefully not by suicide

[uncloseted]

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

[ladybugsfanfics]

Idiocy In A Mile’s Radius | Tom Hiddleston

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: One Shot

WC: 1.8k

Wanings: Swearing, 

Summary:  Requested by anonymous: “Something fluffy with Compass AU Soulmate, with a Tom and Childhoodfriend! Reader that have always know they are soulmates, but Tom is completely clueless about it. So one day after another one of his relatonships went wrong, he takes her to a bar and look at his compass and goes like "Dang, im the foolest of fools, the most dumb and stupid person on the universe" and kiss her.”

COMPASS AU SOULMATE

Where you actually have a compass instead of a clock, and it leads you to where your soulmate should be.

“Aren’t you sick of it yet?” 

Tom perks his head up at your voice. You’re leaning against the kitchen counter, glass of water perched by your lips and a cock of your brows asking him the same question you have for years. 

He still has to ask. “Sick of what?” 

“Sick of trying out all these relationships when they never work.” You take a sip of the water, question still on your face. 

“I guess not. I’m still trying, right?” Tom tries for a smile, but it doesn’t work as he wants based on the snort that comes from you. “I guess my compass doesn’t work.”

You shake your head. “I don’t think that’s the problem, hun.” 

“Then what is?” 

“You.” 

And Tom should be offended, probably, but he can’t be when you laugh right away and smile at him as if there’s nothing really wrong with that. He moves from his spot towards you. “And why is that?”

“Oh, you know. You’re fucking blind.” You laugh harder as you say so, tongue coming to graze over your teeth and lick your lips, before biting down on your lower one. “I don’t know how, since you do own glasses, but you are so fucking blind.”

Tom takes a step closer to you. “Oh, and how do you know? Aren’t you just as blind as I am?” 

You shake your head, amused smile still on your lips. “I know who my soulmate is, I’m just waiting for him to realize.”

“Really, now?” He cocks a brow. “And may I ask who?” He ignores the slight uneasy feeling that folds over his chest―it’s a habit, as it always comes whenever he asks you about your soulmate. 

“You can ask as much as you like, but I’m never gonna answer.” You give him your patented ‘I’m really happy with myself’ smile, making Tom roll his eyes. “And before you say it, giving me some alcohol will not change that.”

Tom shakes his head. “How did you know I was going to say that?” 

“By hitting you with my brother’s bicycle at the age of three because I definitely couldn’t ride it, and then, after hitting you, asking if you wanted to play with me.” You take a sip of water. “And by staying friends with you since that moment, never once letting you cut contact just because you became famous.”

“Can’t argue there.” 

“I still can’t believe how you said yes to play with me and then dragged me with you so that I’d tell your parents what I did and you made me cry,” you say and smile. 

Tom chuckles. “I can’t believe you still wanted to be my friend.”

“Neither can I, Tommy, neither can I.” 

And you both laugh at that, knowing you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

It tugs at Tom’s heart. Tugs in a way that makes a giddy feeling travel through his body, and he hopes that when you each find your soulmates, you won’t lose the relationship you have with each other. 

“Okay, but, darling,” he says as you recover from your laughter. “What about a night at the bar? Tomorrow evening? I can see if my soulmate isn’t somewhere in sight and you can tell me more about yours?”

You roll your eyes. “This shit again, huh? Sure, but just know that you can’t read the fucking compass so if you strike out, don’t be too sad, okay?” 

“Very funny,” he replies, but you both still smile at each other. And you both shake your head as if you find it all amusing but you won’t really admit to it. Tom relishes in the swirl in his gut at the sound of your laugh and at the sight of your dazzling smile. 

---

Tom had said you were going to a bar, not some nightclub. Yet, when you open the door to let him in, his mouth goes dry. Even if you’re not his soulmate, he can’t help but be attracted to you―who wouldn’t be with the confidence of which you hold yourself, with the beauty that shines through your personality, and with how fucking gorgeous you are. 

And that’s no less showing today than any other day. The black jeans that fit so well and accentuate your legs, the singlet that leaves only some to the imagination, and the red and black flannel thrown over as somewhat of a jacket. Itself, the look is casual, but on you (and paired with that bright smile and those sparkling eyes), Tom wouldn’t think twice if you’d wore it to an award show. 

“Just gotta put on my shoes and I’ll be ready.” You slump down on the stairs as you say so, pulling your shoes with you and starting to pull them on. 

Tom shakes his head. At the moment, it’s almost impossible to ignore the feeling that circulates his body. The feeling of content, of nervousness, and of absolute, utter love. He’s not so sure he wants to ignore it either. 

“I’m ready!” You shoot up on your feet before Tom can come back to his senses, but it easily drags him out of his thoughts and he flashes you a smile. 

“Then let’s get going, love.” He holds out his arm for you to take, and, after a quick snatch of your purse from the floor, you take the offer. 

The trip to the bar isn’t one that takes very long. It’s a tube ride and there you are, and even if you’d have to walk, it’s not long to yours nor Tom’s place from where you’re going. 

At the entrance, Tom takes a sweep of the room. His eyes quickly find a free seating and he points you in its direction and goes himself to buy you both drinks. There’s a line at the bar, but Tom doesn’t mind. With the free time, he notes the pretty lady behind the counter, and he looks down at his wrist to see which way his compass points. The needle, unfortunately, points in another direction. Tom shrugs and follows the line to the counter instead. 

It takes him another ten minutes before he’s sitting down next to you, a beer glass to his lips, and his eyes skimming the crowd around them. 

“Okay,” you say, place your glass down, and turn to look at him. “Where is your compass pointing now?” 

Tom raises a brow, but that only elicits a roll of your eyes and a tired sigh. “Okay, sorry.” He places his gaze on the needle at his wrist. It’s pointing right ahead, and right ahead is… He looks up and there’s you, and behind you, the wall. 

He shakes his head. “She’s not here.” 

“And how do you know?” 

“There’s a wall behind you, and after that there’s the outside.” He says it very matter-of-factly. He can’t understand why you’re so insistent on this. Maybe it’s because you’ve already found yours and you want him to find his before you tell him? Tom takes to ignoring the stab of pain the thought brings, and instead looks at you with a smile. “So, let’s not care and just have fun the two of us.”

“You are…” You sigh. “... so fucking annoying, but yeah, let’s just have fun.” Though the smile on your face looks slightly pained. 

Tom ignores that, too. And for the next two hours, you do have fun. He can’t get enough of your laugh, and he can’t get enough of your accidental touches. When your hand happens to graze his thigh, when you let your fingers trail through the hair at the nape of his neck, when you place a kiss on his cheek before he goes to buy more drinks. 

His whole body is giddy as he tells the bartender what he wants. As he waits, he looks up at you. You’re looking at your phone, something akin to disappointment the expression coloring your face. It makes Tom frown―had he done something? 

He shakes the thought away, and instead looks down at his wrist. The needle points slightly to the left of straight ahead. Slightly to the left would make it… the direction in which you sit. 

Tom feels his brows knit together as his thoughts race. The needle always points past you, always points in your direction. He’s always thought it was because his soulmate was in that direction, that his soulmate just happened to be somewhere close but never close enough. 

But now he realizes that his look was too wide. His soulmate has always been right there in front of his eyes, always right there waiting for him to notice. I already know who my soulmate is, I’m just waiting for him to realize. 

You had been talking about him, about Tom. 

God, he’s a fucking idiot. He’s the stupidest man on Earth, nay, in the universe. The foolest of fools. His idiocy has to have been on display for everyone to see. He should have seen it, he should have seen it so long ago. 

At least he knows now. 

The bartender coughs for his attention and hands him his drinks. Tom can feel his heart beat as he takes them and moves towards where you sit, towards where his soulmate sits. 

“Took you long enough,” you comment as he places the drinks down, and Tom isn’t sure whether that’s a comment on him finally realizing that you’ve been right in front of his nose all this time or just about the drinks. 

But he doesn’t dwell on it long enough because now that he knows, he can’t keep from feeling all those feelings he’s been ignoring. The pain when talking about your soulmate was because he was yours and the thought (even subconsciously) of you being with someone else physically hurt him. The heat of you touching his skin, the way his heart squeezed in that good way because you smiled so big, the adrenaline that goes through his body at just the thought of you. 

God, he’s a fucking idiot. 

And then he does the thing he’s been wanting to forever but hadn’t let himself think. He presses his lips to yours, trying at first because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. When your arms pull around his neck and pushes him closer he lets his hand come up to cup your face. He lets himself indulge in the feeling that rushes over him like an addictive drug.

You’re the one to pull away, but not father than being able to rest your forehead against his. 

“Your comment,” starts Tom, “was that about the drinks?” 

You scoff and shake your head. “God, it was, but it definitely counts for this, too.” You press a chaste kiss to his lips, lingering a bit as if you can’t get enough of the taste of his pressed against yours. “You’re a blind fucking idiot, and I’m glad you finally find out how to see.”

Tom rolls his eyes, but the smile grows big on his face. “I’m glad I did, too.” He presses his lips to yours. “And I’ll be any idiot as long as you don’t ever leave my arms.” 

The chuckle that escapes you warms Tom’s whole body. “I’m not planning to.”

permanent tags: @devilbat​ @adefectivedetective​ @gamillian​ @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic​ @heartislubbingdubbing​ @wiczer​ @chillcan​ @geeksareunique​ @fandom-imagines1​

tom tags: @inlovewith3​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @mindlesschicca​ @justawriterinprogress​ @wolfsmom1 @loser-alert​ @satanskatze​ @timetravelingsociopathicwalker​

[aaronhart93]

text || aarotin

Discord text thread featuring: Aaron & @quentindelancret

When: January 22nd, early morning into early evening

Mentions: @romanbeckett @davieslandon

Description: Aaron and Quentin fight about Quentin’s drug addiction 

Trigger Warnings: addiction mentions, arguing

Quentin.

you okay baby?

I haven’t heard from you and I just wanted to check in. I love you

Aaron.

I love you too and miss you

Des has just been cranky all night.

Quentin.

oh man, I’m sorry baby. Is there anything I can do to help? I know it’s late but I can bring breakfast in the morning or anything you need

Aaron.

I think she's sick

i have to play the morning by ear. Depends on how she wakes up

Quentin.

okay baby. I hope she’s not sick though. Just let me know and I’ll help out any way that I can

Aaron.

thank you baby. I miss you

Quentin.

I miss you toooo

Aaron.

miss you more

Quentin.

Impossible. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I miss your scent

Aaron.

you have my hoodies. put one on babe

are you at home?

Quentin.

I already did

I am home. I’m supposed to go snuggle Romie but Delilah brought over drugs and now I’m too hyper for life lol

Aaron.

oooo yeah i was gonna ask you to go check on him...but it's okay

Quentin.

I will. I’m just trying to chill out for a minute. He’s gonna leave a key for me

Aaron.

I mean if you’re high...maybe just stay home

Quentin.

uhmm okay

Aaron.

i just dont want you leaving the house so late

Quentin.

I know

I’m sorry

Aaron.

i just....if you knew you were going to go over to his place to take care of him...why would you get high

Quentin.

I didn’t know exactly. He said he was gonna sleep but then he couldn’t, and Delilah was upset and I told her she could come over and talk. Then she had coke and I just... I’m sorry

please don’t be mad at me

Aaron.

im not mad im just

idk

feel some type of way about it

Quentin.

about the coke?

Aaron.

not necessarily. the fact that our partner is sick....you knew i had des tonight so couldn't go over there...i guess i just figured you'd be a little more responsible

it's okay...i dont want you to be worrying about these things anyway

ill take care of both of you.

Quentin.

I can be responsible Aaron. I thought he was gonna sleep. I’m still gonna go over there and take care of him. You both come before anything else for me and I’m sorry I misstepped. But I’m not gonna just leave him hanging.

Aaron.

even if he fell asleep and woke up and needed something...seriously though. i want you to have fun and live your life, im sorry i brought it up

Quentin.

Aaron.. stop it. What is going on with you? I’m fine. I can go over there right now. But you seem... on edge. Are you okay?

I wanna have fun and live my life with you and Roman. I fucked up okay? But I feel like there is something else nothing you

Aaron.

i fought with Landon the other day

Des might be sick

work sucked today and im stressed about Ro

im sorry

Quentin.

baby, I’m sorry. I know the whole Landon situation sucks. I wish I could fix it for you. I know I made things shittier before but I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be here for you. I can come see you after I check on Roman? Help you with Des and give you a massage. I’m worried about you

I’m coming. I won’t take no for an answer. I’m gonna give you a massage and get you in bed. Then I’ll go see Romie. I wanna be there for you both

Aaron.

Quentin, I love you. and thank you....I don't know how to tell you this but...I don't want you around Des if you've been using tonight.

Quentin.

Aaron.

Fine, I’m not gonna argue with you. See you tomorrow then?

Aaron.

yeah

Quentin.

okay

I’m sorry

Aaron.

im not mad

Quentin.

It’s okay. I understand.

I love you

Aaron.

dont be upset

Quentin.

of course I’m upset. I want to be there for you and I can’t

Aaron.

im okay, Q.

Quentin.

that’s not the point

I’m sorry I fucked up. I know you don’t want an addict around Des and that’s my fault

Aaron.

you're sick, i can help you

Quentin.

I’m sick?

Aaron.

addiction...its a diseae

disease

Quentin.

wow, Aaron.

yeah, I don’t wanna talk about this right now

Aaron.

you...brought it up...

Quentin.

yeah, I know. I guess I just didn’t really think you would agree with me

Aaron.

that i dont want someone on drugs around Des? Quentin...

you are making this into something it isnt

Quentin.

no, that you think I’m sick and need help.

I understand you not wanting me around Des. But it’s not like I’d ever hurt her

Aaron.

i know you would never and I'd never keep her from you

just sober up...and we'll talk in the morning i guess

Quentin.

I don’t even know what to say

I’m just sorry I’ve been such a burden.

yeah, we will talk tomorrow

Aaron.

back up

you're not a burden

Quentin, stop making things up in your head

Quentin.

I feel like I have been.

I don’t wanna add any more stress for you

Aaron.

Quentin, listen to me.

i cannot live without you.

Okay?

Quentin.

okay.

I’m just sorry

Aaron.

dont be. im sorry i was harsh

Quentin.

it’s fine.

I love you

Aaron.

i love you too. bring me breakfast in the morning??

Quentin.

of course. Let me know if you need any cough medicine or anything when Des gets up

Aaron.

thank you, my love

goodnight

Quentin.

anytime. Goodnight baby

early evening...

Quentin.

I’m sorry about last night

I’m trying to do better

Aaron.

it was my fault. Don’t worry about it

Quentin.

it wasn’t your fault. You told me how it is and I’ll fix it

Aaron.

okay

Quentin.

good talk

Aaron.

well do you wanna keep talking about it

Quentin.

Nope, I really don’t.

Aaron.

I don’t know what else to say because I don’t either

Quentin.

I’ll just leave you alone

Aaron.

or like we could talk about literally anything else

I missed you today, okay?

Quentin.

yeah, I missed you too

Aaron.

like a lot

I pulled Des from school and had a day with her

it was nice

Quentin.

that sounds fun

Aaron.

it was

Quentin.

I’ll let you get back to it then

Aaron.

oh okay

I love you

Quentin.

you too

Aaron.

Quentin

I’m sorry okay?

Quentin.

it’s fine. I’m really just moody today.

I’m trying to stay away from the happy pills ya know?

Aaron.

I don’t want you to do something that you’re not ready for. If you aren’t ready to stay off of them, then it’s okay

Quentin.

the thing is Aaron, I’m never gonna be ready. I take molly literally every day. Most times people can’t even tell it’s that bad.  But I know it bothers you and Roman and I’m done

Aaron.

that’s brave

and makes me happy. That’s one of the reasons i know you love me

Quentin.

of course I love you

Aaron.

I know

Quentin.

I’m just so sick of disappointing you

Aaron.

I’m not going anywhere okay?

Quentin.

yeah

Aaron.

I’m serious

Quentin.

okay

Aaron.

are you mad at me

Quentin.

no I’m not mad. I just don’t feel like we’re as close as we used to be

Aaron.

because of an argument?

Quentin.

No not because of an argument Aaron

because you just seem distant all the time

Aaron.

I...

im sorry. It’s not on purpose

Quentin.

it’s fine

Aaron.

how can I be better

Quentin.

I’m just gonna take a few days to myself

Aaron.

oh okay

Quentin.

I don’t want to make anything worse by staying here

I get so all over the place with my emotions and without drugs I’m scared of what I might say or do

Aaron.

maybe tell your doctor? For medicine?

Quentin.

I don’t have a doctor

and I don’t want one honestly

they just make me relive shit I don’t want to and that isn’t gonna help anything

Aaron.

I can get you into a primary care doctor with no issue

not a therapist. Just a regular doctor

Quentin. What have I done wrong? It’s obviously something

Quentin.

you didn’t do anything. It’s just me.

Aaron.

tell me how I can help

Quentin.

my expectations and my delusions of how I thought things would be. It’s fine, I’ll handle it, I’ll make it better

Aaron.

how did you think things would be?

Quentin.

different

Aaron.

well what can we do better baby

I will do anything for you

Quentin.

it’s not you. I’m pretty sure it’s all me

ya know.. how I get in my head and shit

Aaron.

what can I do for you when you get in your head

to help

Quentin.

I don’t know. You can’t fix me. It doesn’t work like that

I’m just, I’m tired.

Aaron.

well now I’m scared

Quentin.

of what?

don’t be scared Aaron. I love you. I just, I can’t see you right now. But soon.. okay?

two days. That’s it.

Aaron.

where are you going

why can’t you see me

Quentin.

I’m just gonna go see my brother I think. Maybe fix things with him.

I can’t see you because I know if I do I’ll change my mind about taking some time away

but it’s okay, I wanna see you. Come see me

Aaron.

alright I’m coming

Quentin.

good. I love you

Aaron.

I love you so fucking much

Quentin.

the feeling is very mutual baby

I promise it’s gonna be okay. Alright? I just need to get my head right

Aaron.

okay

Quentin.

and it’s not your fault.

Aaron.

Idk

Quentin.

its me, I swear it’s me. That sounds cliche but it really is. I’m gonna fix it

I mean, honestly. All I can think about right now is how I wanna jump on you when I see you and never let go. But I need to stop being so closed off. I know that just makes you closed off and then I blame you. But it’s not you. You just .. you have this effect on me that really scares the shit out of me

Aaron.

is that effect a bad thing?

Quentin.

uhmmm

I don’t know. Is it?

Aaron.

I don’t know. Is it a good scare or bad scare

Quentin.

both

Aaron.

how do I scare you?

Quentin.

It’s like... you’re so out of my league and I don’t wanna do or say anything to make you leave. I’m like, I’m a lot, and I know I can be. It just scares me that makes I’m too much sometimes

Aaron.

I am not out of your league.

you are 1 of 2 of the hottest men in Kingsboro and I have both of them lol

Quentin.

you are totally out of my league. You’re like, God, I can’t even put you into words. Then there’s me. Partying, acting crazy, doing stupid shit. Idk. It’s like I’m an embarrassment next to you. But I mean, if I’m that hot I must not be so bad lol

you’re also like.. so hot! I can’t breathe lol

[swiss-cheeze]

Hallelujah || Spencer Reid

I am, so terrified to post this simply because it’s ‘new’ and stuff idk.

Disclaimer: IM ONLY UP TO SEASON 2 OF CRIMINAL MINDS, I do know what happens later on revolving around Reid and IT DOES GET MENTIONED (drugs, the jail) however no detail gets put in due to me not actually knowing about it a lot.

Another disclaimer: the characters in this are Reid, you, Hotch, Gideon, Garcia, J.J., Morgan and Emily. Stuff from Reid’s ‘future’ gets told in this even tho there are different people on the team at that time but because I don’t know them I didn’t put them in there.

I hope that makes sense.

Requested: YES/NO Gender: none, they/them Warnings: talk of suicide/jumping off a building along with depression, loneliness. Description: Spencer is a little scared to show his partner of 3 and a half years to his work mates, that is, until his partner wows the team with their singing skills.

“Guys i just, i dunno…” Spencer sighed softly and stopped walking for what felt like the tenth time that night, the group sighed as they stopped with Spencer as he started pacing on the spot and ran his hands through his hair.

“Wonder Boy it's going to be okay, there's nothing to be afraid of” Garcia reassured Spencer for what would have to be the third time since they left the office.

“I-I know that but statistically speaking-” Spencer began, the team all seemed to give each other a look that told them the same thing.

“Nuh uh Pretty Boy!” Morgan interjected, the muscled man grabbed Spencer by his shoulders and started walking in the direction of the bar, “you have been on and off about this person for a month now, not telling us a single thing and then maybe a phrase or something and quite frankly i'm fed up with it” as Morgan opened the doors to the bar the group walked in with Spencer still standing out the front nervously chewing his nails and sent a frightened look to Morgan. Hotch sighed before turning to Morgan.

“I got this one, you head inside” the chief of the BAU spoke, he allowed Morgan to go inside before stepping out with Spencer, “what's gotten you so tight?” the man asked Spencer, “friend to friend, this isn't work.” the man concluded as he saw Spencer's mind racing.

“I’m scared, Hotch, and I'm not normally scared or-or fearful, yeah I've been to prison and gotten addicted to drugs and shot-shot multiple times but this…” Spencer sighed as he ran his hands through his hair again and paced back and forth, “but this is different, they really mean alot to me and have been with me through almost everything since i was in prison and they’ve been there for every and all breakdowns and moments,” Spencer took this moment to look at Hotch with reddened eyes, “i really love them you know? They,” Spencer sniffled as he smiled brightly, “they give me such a high that the drugs could never give me, they give me such a lightened feeling, such happiness that when i go home after a case i almost forget about the horrors i've witnessed that day and they remind me of the true happiness and love this world can give to certain people,” he took a breath as Hotch interjected.

“So why are you so scared?” Hotch asked as his hands rested on his hips, it was a simple question, and even with the ramble Spencer just spoke it took him a moment to come up with an answer.

“Because i just want you guys to love him as much as i do,” Spencer said with a soft smile as memories flooded his mind of the past 3 and a half years with you, “obviously not in the romantic way but-”

“Reid,” Hotch paused Spencer, the boy looked to his elder in a way a boy would look to his father after being told off, “this person, they make you happy, yes?” Hotch asked, Spencer nodded vigorously, “then you have not a thing to worry about” the man said with a faint smile, “as long as you’re happy, you aren't in prison and are off the drugs than thats all that matters to us, and the fact you have a partner just makes it better because then you can share that happiness with that person just like you said before, they make you feel something the drugs never could,” Hotch stepped forward and held Spencer on his biceps with a firm grip to keep the boy grounded, “so let's go in there and meet this person” Hotch finalised, Spencer nodded affirmatively and the pair walked into the bar one after the other.

“Finally!” Emily called as the team sat around a table with two empty seats, “so?” the girl asked as her and the rest of the team looked just as curious, “where are they?” she asked, Spencer breathed in and smiled as he checked the time.

“Two minutes more and they’ll be here,” Spencer said as he checked his watch.

“Oh so you made us get here early just so you could get pissed?” Morgan said jokingly as their drinks got to their table.

“Leave him alone Morgan it's his first time,” Gideon said with a chuckle as he took a swig of his beer.

“First time? What's that-” Spencer started to talk but got cut off when someone tapped the microphone. Everyone turned their heads to look to the stage, a man holding a folder was standing in front of the microphone.

“Hello! I would like to invite our next singer slash band up on stage; (Y/n) (L/n) and Micheal Herance!” the man smiled brightly as he clapped and you walked on stage with Micheal in tow behind you.

“You didn't tell us they were in a band!” Garcia exclaimed.

“I hope its not country,” Morgan deadpanned softly which made Garcia kick him under the table, when Morgan looked to Garcia with confusion she nudged her head over to Spencer who seemed to be glazed over, his eyes full of love and adoration as you and the other person tried to get ready quickly.

“They’re only small and do mostly covers but they’re really good” Spencer said with a smile as he grabbed his drink and took a sip. Micheal took his seat on the wooden stool with an electric guitar as you grabbed the microphone and cleared your throat.

“Hi,” you said softly, even if you’ve been doing stage shows for a little over a year, seeing all those eyes on you and your band still made you feel anxious, “we are two fourths of The Charmed Crosses,” you said with a chuckle, “this is a song i would like to dedicate to a special someone whom i hope has made i tonight,” Spencer wanted to jump up and down and scream to say he made it but he felt that would ruin the mood so he stayed put as he realised that the stage lights would be the things hindering your sight, “even if he isn't this is recorded so, Spencer Reid with three PhD’s, this one goes out to you my sweet.” The Team silently pat Spencer on the back as the boy blushed slightly with a smile.

“It's nothing, they do it all the time” Spencer said softly as he took a mouthful of his drink again and the opening notes to Hallelujah started playing from the guitar.

“Oh this is going to make me cry,” Garcia said softly as Emily and J.J. nodded in agreement, Gideon squeezed Garcia's hand, he didn't want to admit it but it was going to bring a tear to his eye too.

“Well I'd heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you?” your voice drifted through the microphone as the Guitar chords struck itself within you and the crowd, “Well, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift, the baffled king! Composing Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” your voice drifted like soft wood and carried emotions that nobody else could try and carry, “Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya” you took a breath as the guitar carried for a few notes, “She tied you to the kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair! And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” the emotion in your words where one that couldn't be described as the team looked between you and the lovestruck Spencer, no way had this guy picked you, of all people, though it was possible it was slim. But it happened, “But baby, I've been here before, I've seen this room and I've walked this floor. You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya” these lyrics seemed to go out to Spencer in a way that wasn't one the team, your coworkers or the world would ever know, it was a thing for you two and you two only, “And I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march!” this almost seemed to be a direct hit to Spencer, of his past dwellings, “It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” the song spread a shiver up Morgans spine that even he wouldn't be able to explain as he took a moment to look to Ried, his love struck baby brother had finally grown into a man, your voice was soft in the places it needed to be and became hard in others in a way one couldn't describe. Your voice drifted with the guitar and carried out the rest of the song, the emotion brought out made everyone in the room believe you wanted the whole world to hear you, but only one person could understand. See, this song was the song that had saved your life, as cliche as it was things had gotten too rough for you to handle a few years ago, the stress of a daily job and bills and rent was getting too much for you, and one night you decided to go to the roof of your apartment with the radio and you played it for a little bit, letting the songs go one by one. When you decided you had stalled enough you stood on the edge of the building and looked down before looking back up to the sky, “give me one good reason, give me a sign, give me anything” you had spoken, and that's when you really did feel something. A wind gushed around you and ruffled your clothes as it made your radio fall onto its back, you sighed softly as you went to pick it up, and as you did the song changed to Hallelujah, of course you had heard it before but this time it felt like someone was really listening. In that moment you had sat in front of the radio and listened to the whole song right through to the end, that's also how Spencer found you on that roof.

---

“You don't have to know you,” Spencer's voice called out from the stairwell as he leaned against the doorframe. You gasped softly as you tried to dry your eyes before the mystery man could see you.

“Don’t have to do what?” you asked the man as the sound of his footsteps came closer to you and soon sat on the edge of the building, his hands where in his pocket as his tie blew in the wind along with his hair.

“I saw you standing on the edge, and i heard you ask for a reason, a sign,” Spencer shrugged softly, “you seemed to have gotten it though” the man said with a small smile as he looked to the radio, you smiled softly as you looked to the radio in your hands and smiled.

“Yeah i guess so,” you let the radio play the next song as you sat next to Spencer, “so what’re you doing out here then? Thought the same thing?” you asked as Spencer scoffed and shook his head No.

“No, no I'm here because I like to look at the stars when I feel alone,” Spencer said as he looked to the sky. You did too, “whenever I feel sad, alone, depressed, or even suicidal. I come up here for refuge, I look up at the stars and I think to myself, ‘if they’re up there, then they must have sacrificed a lot to be there, burning, forever'” Spencer talked with honey in his voice and admiration. You looked at the mystery man with a small smile, “but by all means if that wasn't a sign enough and neither was I then go ahead” Spencer said with a smile.

“Yeah? And why shouldn't i?” you asked as you stood up on the roof and started swinging your arms, “besides the song, and you” you stated.

“Because that is a lot of paperwork for a department to file for one person” Spencer said as he too stood up and walked towards you. You nodded.

“Well, consider my suicidal thoughts diminished,” you said with a small smile.

“Good” Spencer said as he walked to the staircase again, you turned and was disappointed to see him leaving so soon.

“What's your name? I don't believe i’ve seen you in the apartment block before,” you asked, it was a kind enough question, a name.

“I just moved in,” Spencer said as he stopped at the staircase, “my name is Spencer Ried, i have three Phd’s, if you ever need me im only ever two doors down from yours, number 15, either that or down at the BAU”

“You’re a profiler” you stated.

“Correct,” Spencer answered though he didn't move.

“So what’d you get from me?” you asked with crossed arms.

“You’re suicidal?” Spencer questioned playfully.

“You know what i mean,” you said with a sigh.

“Life is a hell of a thing to happen to someone” Spencer said with a smile, “a good friend of mine said that, he's a writer,” Spencer said with his hands still resting in his pockets.

“Brilliant” you said, it was half sarcastic and half...human.

“Goodnight…” Spencer trailed off as he didn't know your name.

“(Y/n). (Y/n) (L/n)” you said with a smile.

“Goodnight (Y/n) (L/n)” Spencer said.

“Goodnight Spencer Ried with three PhDs” you said with a smile as Spencer walked down the stairs.

---

After your first introduction to each other on that roof, you and Spencer started to become friends, then good friends, and then he asked you out on a date and now, 3 and a half years later. You couldn't be more happy to be alive than now. Time seemed to stand still as the last note from the guitar rang around the bar and everyone clapped, a few standing and another few wiping their tears away from the corners of their eyes. You smiled as you and Micheal bowed on the stage before walking off, Spencer nudged his team as he stood up.

“Come on, we’ll get a booth so it's easier” the profiler said as another band came onto the stage and started their song. The FBI agents all stood and followed Spencer to the bar where (Y/n) stood, looking around for their boyfriend and nervously sipping on whiskey, Spencer smirked as he turned to his friends with a look of excitement, “watch this” the Doctor said with a wiggle of his brows before walking over towards you. You bit your lip as you looked around nervously hoping Spencer had made it tonight, “a good looking person like you should bite their lip so much” a voice said behind you, you jumped from the suddenness of it before turning around and allowing a large smile to form over your lips before placing your drink on the bar and wrapping your arms around your tall boyfriends neck.

“Spence! You made it!” you said happily, though you had been together for over 3 years, Spencer Reid still seemed to give you the same butterflies like the first date you two ever had.

“Of course i made it Bug,” Spencer said, using his nickname for you, “wouldn't miss it even if i was dying” the agent said with a knowing smile as a scoff could be heard behind him causing Spencer and you to look at the intruder.

“He was almost dying when he was coming down the street,” a man said, he was black and tall and rather handsome, Spencer gave a shy smile as he walked over next to the man.

“These are my coworkers!” Spencer said a little nervously, you had a confused look on your face previously but now it was filled with excitement and elated happiness as you walked forward towards the group.

“So you guys are the people he keeps boasting on about!” you said happily as you stuck out your hand to the first man.

“Derek Morgan” the man said, you nodded as you shook his hand and a soft smile came over the man's face, this was Spencer's ‘big brother’ at the office. You moved to the next person.

“Emily Prentiss,” the girl said, she was sleek and had nice hair, you made a mental note to ask her about it later as you moved to the next person.

“Jason Gideon”, ah, so this was Spencer's mentor, you gave a knowing look at Gideons hands encapsulating yours in a warm and inviting way. Spencer looked at you greeting everyone with a profound happiness.

“Aaron Hotchner, but please just Hotch” the man said, you smiled.

“So youre the narcissist” you said with a wink as Hotch gave a small laugh as Spencer closed his eyes with a smile. You moved to the next person. She was rather round and had blonde hair and a brilliant red dress and blue cardigan on.

“Penelopie Garcia, i make sure your wonder boy over there makes it back alive to you” the girl said, you gave a laugh as did everyone else knowing it was a team effort but it was also a joke.

“Than i shall give all my thanks to you and bid everyone else, adew” you said with a tone of laughter, Garcia laughed with you as you moved to the final person, “you must be-”

“J.J., please” the girl said as she shook your hand for the final time, you nodded in respect, so this was the girl Reid fancied for like, an hour or something whenever it was he told you that point.

“Well, please let's get a booth and get to know each other!” you said with a smile as you grabbed your glass of liquor from the bar and walked to a previously reserved booth in the far corner of the bar.

“You shouldn't drink that drink you know,” Derek said from behind you, “you left it alone for two minutes, could be drugged” you smiled as yourself and the group piled into the booth.

“Then I am one hundred percent sure one of you would have told me” you said as you took a sip of your drink, Derek laughed as Garcia sat next to him and he wrapped an arm around her, you eyed them for a moment before letting it go. Spencer sat next to you as J.J. sat next to him, then the rest piled in.

“So (Y/n), tell us a little bit about yourself,” Hotch started as he took a sip of his beer, you cleared your throat as you looked to Spencer who nodded for confirmation.

“Well, um, I'm in a band,” you chuckled softly, “as you could see earlier I sing, we’ve made songs and practised them but we haven't been able to perfect them the way we want to start recording.” you took a moment, “um, i met Spencer a few years ago on our apartment roof-”

“EXCUSE ME,” Derek exclaimed with wide eyes, “you’re telling me pretty boy over here has had you as his little secret for a few YEARS?!”, Spencer chuckled.

“Three and almost a half to be exact Morgan” Spencer said with a shit-eating grin as he took a swig of your drink, you slapped him on the chest causing him to laugh.

“That’s my drink you prick!” you exclaimed with a smile, “anyway, um,” you shrugged with a laugh, “you guys are the ones who have profiling as a career you should be doing this to me not the other way around” you laughed as you looked to Gideon, the man smiled.

“You closed your eyes when you where up on stage,” Gideon started, “whatever you were singing meant alot for you to get so into it, you were looking around a lot when you where at the bar, you’re anxious”

“Of course i am, im meeting you guys for the first time,” you said with an awkward smile, okay, this was a little different than you expected.

“You also have been fiddling with a ring, signifying anxiety,” Hotch chimed in, “and biting your lip,” you pulled your lip from in between your teeth and looked at the table.

“Alright enough,” Spencer said a little harsher than he intended, “can we just, drop the profiler job for tonight and just be like normal friends?” he asked agitated, this sparked your eye and you gave Spencer a glance, he glanced back as reassurance.

“(Y/n), where do you work?” Garcia asked as a waitress brought her another drink with a little pink umbrella, you smiled as she broke the ice.

“Other than in a band I work in a vintage antique store, one of those really old ones?” you smiled, “i got Spencers first gift from that shop actually,” you smiled at the memory.

“Oh here we go,” Spencer said from beside you as he clasped his eyes shut and smiled.

“Please can i tell them!?” you exclaimed.

“Yeah go on,” Spencer said as he looked back to you and gave you a kiss on the lips.

“Woah I didn't know pretty boy ever kissed anyone, besides that one girl?” Derek said, he trailed off at the end forgetting the girl's name.

“Lila” J.J. said softly.

“Yeah Lila, the actress” Derek said.

“ANYWAY,” you exclaimed trying to get back onto the story, Derek smiled as an apology as you continued the story, “obviously Spencer here loves books,” you started, “but since he can read 20,000 words a minute there was no way i was going to get his first date present a goddam book he’d read in like an hour, so,” you smiled towards Spencer who was trying to suppress his laughing, “i got him an antique music box, i just happen across it one day when i was leaving the shop. It was sitting right on the bench, waiting for me, i opened it and started winding the handle,” you smiled as Spencer looked down at you with love and adoration, “i didn't recognise the song at first but,” you looked around the table, “you know when you get that sudden feeling, when you hear something and you just suddenly understand what it was and what it was saying?” you asked, Emily, Garcia, Hotch; all the team nodded with a knowing look, “well, it was like that. The music box was the song I played on the stage tonight, Hallelujah, and instantly I knew I had to get it for him” you heard a sniffle on the table as Garcia was wiping at her eyes.

“I’m fine! Stop looking at me like that” the girl said with a smile, “it's just really sweet”

“And this was a first date present?” Emily asked from the side, this time Spencer nodded and answered.

“I had asked (Y/n) out a week prior and we decided we just wanted it to be a nice coffee date and walk in the park, when the time finally came i bought their favourite flowers from the shop, gave them to her and then she pulled out a lovely little bag with a package in it and said ‘this is for you’.” Spencer smiled, “when i went home that night and finally looked at the present, i had the same feeling as (Y/n) did, i didn't recognise the song at first but when it got to that one single word i knew, i knew (Y/n) was the one i wanted to marry one day,” the team around you guys smiled as their favourite profiler finally got the break he deserved in life. “I called (Y/n) right after i finished listening to the music box in a mess of tears and instantly asked for a second date, luckily i was charming enough to get another one” Spencer said in a joking manner as he rubbed his finger nails on his button up shirt as yourself and Emily pushed Spencer jokingly causing everyone to laugh.

“You seem to have it all setup then Ried” Hotch said from the side, Spencer smiled and nodded as he looked at you.

“I and my Annabelle Lee,” Spencer said softly, causing you to blush, a reference to one of his favorite poems by Edgar Allen Poe.

——————————————————————————

HI IF YOU MADE IT I HOPED YOU LIKED IT.

And I hope you saw my nod to MGG at that last sentence 👀.

This was unedited. Apologies.

[lordseochangbin]

room nine- h.h.j

a/n: ok sorry guys this is long only because i wanted to add some narrative haha. 

warning: smut, anal, lots and lots and lots of dirty talk omg. this is probably one of the most dirtiest things i’ve ever wrote and im surprised its not about changbin sksksk

»»————-　♡　————-««

from high school nerds to the most popular instagram users-- your school had it all. known for academic excellence and most drug addicts, lordseochangbin high school [my inspiration is wack im sorry] was almost like it’s own city. cafe’s and restaurants filled the lunch area’s and a small police station near the corner ensured it’s safety.

you were no part of this typical society however, you in fact were like the small crumb that fell from the loaf of bread that we call “the social status”. at the top of the social triangle, or piece of bread i guess, was the queen of all churches and god’s brightest angel- jennifer. jennifer in fact didn’t seem too holy when she wore those see-through tank tops and short plaid skirts to amuse her fuckboy, hwang hyunjin. you’re probably thinking, “oh this is way too typical--” and that’s because it is. hyunjin at the top, you.. somewhere in the bottom. 

anyways, it was finally winter break which meant the annual “party at the hwang’s” but word has it this year his little girlfriend wasn’t going to be there. that’s right, jennifer was going on vacay. this meant everyone was invited to hyunjin’s party, something that jennifer would’ve disapproved of if she knew. “come on y/n! just put a little makeup on, you’ll look gorgeous” you rolled your eyes at your friend before finally obliging, “finee, let’s just go and come back”. you closed your eyes as your friend applied some eye shadow and did some finishing touches, and after a couple outfits you finally decided on a black dress and thigh-high boots. 

“how do i look?” you said, doing a little twirl to show off the outfit.

your friend slapped your shoulder, her last drink obviously taking its toll. “fucking sexy, now lets go!”

»»————-　♡　————-««

the hwang’s mansion was huge, music blasting through the roof as you walked in. in the midst of time, all eyes turned to your beautiful figure, quickly acknowledging the arrival of a beautiful stranger- little did they know it was the shy girl in the corner of science class everyday. the makeup bought you some confidence, something you wished you had when jennifer bullied you everyday.

in hyunjin’s eyes she probably looked like an angel, but to you and everyone else she was worse than the devil. now that she wasn’t here you decided to let it all go. the trauma of having to pull out garbage from your hair to cleaning your soaked p.e. clothes, you decided to forget them on the dance floor. 

grabbing a drink from the servant, you noticed a note with a number reflecting on the disco lights. this caught your attention, forcing you to finish the drink and turn the cup around. on the bottom it read, “you’re invited to room nine”

“room nine?” you muttered to yourself, looking up at the top floor of the mansion home. you noticed each door was in fact labeled, the number nine of the detailed door almost glowing and compelling you to come inside. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

before you knew it, you found yourself opening the door to room nine. your curiosity got the best of you and now here you were, no one knowing your whereabouts as you secretively stepped inside.

“welcome” a somewhat familiar voice said. you turned around to see hyunjin sitting on a love sofa, one hand patting the seat next to him for you to sit down.

“thank you” you replied, sitting next to him with your voice soft and gentle. you weren’t sure of his intentions, which actually frightened you considering he was your bully’s boyfriend. did you do something wrong? hurt jessica in some way? concerns of what hyunjin was going to do to you filled your thoughts before he could continue.

“no problem, how are you?” he rested his chin on his hand, facing towards you as you adjusted your dress in your seat.

“im doing alright, yourself?” 

“im great, just horny as usual” he casually replied. these words ran through your head in a millisecond, sending spirals of hormones through your veins and making you more eager than ever. 

you took a deep breath as you quickly processed what he could possibly be suggesting. hyunjin wouldn’t fuck with the school’s outcast, he’d wreck his reputation. unless... he didn’t know it was you. maybe he thought you were someone else with the fancy attire, decent makeup and somewhat overflowing confidence. 

you sat up straight, placing a hand on his thigh before giving it a squeeze. “you need help with that?” you asked, looking him right in the eyes.

“well, if you offer i cant refuse” he said, adjusting himself in his seat to be comfortable. “you enjoy helping strangers?” he asked.

god, he really had no idea who you were. you took a deep breath before accepting the fact that you were merely a stranger to him before putting on your facade.

“i don’t usually make this offer, if that’s what you’re asking” you replied vaguely.

hyunjin leaned back on the couch, his hands grazing yours. “why am i so lucky then? you’re making me curious now” he pouted

“hmm.. let’s just say i know a good guy when i see one” 

to your surprise, hyunjin got up. he walked over to the bed behind the sofa stripping himself until he had the bare minimum. you sat in shock as he freed his throbbing dick from his blue jeans and watched as he sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“is this what you call a good boy?” you got up from your seat, a chuckle leaving your lips as you watched him pump himself. “i can tell you’re gonna do such a good job” you whispered seductively in front of him

hyunjin looked up to you curiously, “i thought you’d be the one doing a good job” a smirk formed with hyunjin’s lips as he watched you fall on your knees to him. “let me show you what i can do” you licked a strip down his angry red member before taking it in your mouth whole, your hands pumping anything that couldn’t fit. you felt hyunjin’s hips buck, slowly thrusting into your mouth as desperate grunts left his plump lips.

“fuck” he cursed, his nails digging into the comforter as you bobbed your head.

you sucked him off, standing up to raise his chin. “i never fuck with boys at parties, but look at you.. got me like your little slut” you said, your thumb brushing over his blush cheeks.

his hands wrapped around your waist as you fit in between his legs, your core throbbing from the heat and impatience. “im not complaining, you’re sucking so nicely babygirl” he replied as he ran his fingertips up and down the sides of your arms.

“though you could take this off” he suggested, tugging the bottom of your dress

“is that what you’d like daddy?” you said, pulling your dress up to give him a peek of your erected nipples

“mmm.. yes” he helped you get rid of your clothing before you were in between his legs again, his hands grabbing your ass

“you have such a nice ass.. do you appreciate anal?” he whispered, both his hands squeezing your ass tight so you were right against his body.

you leaned down so your hyunjin could feel your breath near his ear. the feeling of hyunjin teasing his member so close made you speechless but you managed to regain some strength to whisper back, “w-with you.. i’d love to”

“really? don’t stutter. give me a reason why i should” he said, spanking your ass so you knew it’d leave a perfect hand print of his till the morning.

“b-because you want it too” you replied hesitantly

“mhmm” he hummed, “you want to take my fat cock in your ass? i’d love to fuck you.. you’re so beautiful” he said, placing you on his lap

you jerked your hips against his, grabbing his hair as he assisted you in riding him. “i love it when you ride me like that babygirl” he held a tight grip on your waist making you whimper and you felt your stomach turning all kinds of reds and blues. 

you took a second to step back however, looking at hyunjin as he looked back at you. he was handsome, you had to admit. his hair stuck to his forehead, his face glistening in sweat, and the way his eyes closed in pleasure as you sped up. you pressed your lips against his, humming into the kiss as he laid on the bed and got on top of you.

he kissed your whole body up and down, you finding yourself squirming in pleasure as his touch cools you down. his hands roam around your luscious  curves before lifting your legs so your lips can meet again while his dick rubs against your pussy.

hyunjin slowly penetrates though your wet walls, stretching them with his swollen mushroom and sucking your tongue.

the feeling of his cock inside you makes you grab his hands, something the both of you weren’t used to, as your fingers intertwine. hyunjin wasn’t complaining about his however as he shoved more and more of his member down your pussy, stretching it to shape his thickness while you moan into his mouth.

“god, you’re so tight” hyunjin pounded your pussy harder, his balls slapping against your ass and you grab his hair as you feel his walls clench around him.

“you feel so good inside me” you whispered into his neck. hyunjin could simply stare into your eyes while kissing you, his fat cock pounding you faster and harder with every touch.

“it seems youre enjoying my dick after all” he said, you humming in agreement

hyunjin pulls out, taking a second to move your hair away from your face before gliding his dick in your ass. he steadily forces his juicy bell-end against you to break in. “mmm” he hums, “ im gonna enjoy your ass so much”

he glides his member in your booty and pounds you while kissing you, “make me cum in your ass babygirl” he grabs your ass and lifts you up faster, enjoying how your big tits rub against his chest

“i’m gonna cum” he says, your eyes closing at the feeling of him hitting your sweet spot before you could unconsciously reply, “fill me up love”

“i already have a girlfriend you know?” he replied, his hands intertwining with yours again

“what a dick..” you suddenly remember jennifer, someone you didn’t want to think about tonight. but this facade of yours covered the outcast who was bullied everyday, and you wanted payback. “does she do you like this?”

“no.. oh god no. no one does it like you, but you call me love and i don’t wanna break your heart baby”

you smirked, knowing he liked what he was doing before hyunjin’s fingers could tighten around yours as he cummed inside you, your high following after. your deep breaths filled the whole room as hyunjin collapsed onto the bed. he still held onto you however, kissing your knuckles. 

“you make me feel so dirty, knowing you have a girlfriend already” you said, making him laugh

“i’m such an asshole, i cheat on her so much. don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“used to..” you lied, “now i just wait until someone decent comes along”

“well i’m sure as hell not decent” he said, running his fingers though his hair as the two of you stared at the roof

“and i surely wasn’t considering you either” you said with a smile on your face. 

“hmph, glad you could just use me as your sextoy”

“im sorry, weren’t you the one that said you were horny?” hyunjin threw his hands up in defense, “okay, okay then. thank you for helping me though. you wanna stay here for the night? let me get you cleaned up”

he got up, releasing his fingers from yours but you wouldn’t let go. “can we just stay like this? put on a movie or something” 

hyunjin smiled, “i don’t think thats how this works, but ill stay with you since you took me in so well” 

for the rest of the night you laid on hyunjin’s chest as his fingers brushed through your hair, the perfect feeling to fall asleep to.

»»————-　♡　————-««

on monday morning, your friends went to grab some coffee before the three of you could receive a notification. 

“oh my god, hyunjin broke up with jennifer !” you spat out your coffee, your friends rushing to grab some tissues. 

“y/n! are you okay?!” 

“i’m fine.. lets just go to class” you said, your friends grabbing your coffee for you as the three of you walked to the school

you parted ways with your friends, soon after being encountered by the one and only jennifer. “oh hey! look it’s my favorite outcast!” she said sarcastically, shoving you onto the floor. your hands were quick to hold you up, avoiding you from a tragic fall. you couldn’t help but to laugh however, if only jennifer knew you fucked her mans and got him to admit you gave him better sex. 

“no response? maybe i should just-” she raised her leg, making your eyes squint before someone could step in between you two.

he held out a hand, helping you up. “shall i walk you to class?” he asked, ignoring jennifer’s presence. 

“me?” you asked.

“yes, you dumbass. lets go” hyunjin dragged you away from the scene.

“you knew it was me all along?” you asked

“of course, what do you take me for? some horny fuckboy?” he sarcastically asked, making you laugh. “ i actually had a good time that night, lets go on an actual date next time” he said before stopping in front of your classroom.

“ill be here after” he said, kissing your forehead. “later” you replied. 

you watched hyunjin as he walked to his class, staring in disbelief. so maybe you weren’t an outcast anymore? or maybe you were just a lucky guest of room number nine.