#Ian Smalls Jr.

[floorman3]

Getaway Review

Getaway is a short film of twenty minutes in length written and produced by Malaika Paquiot and directed by Stephanie L. Mason. It is short but packs a wallop in that runtime.  June (Melissa Kay Anderson) is a mother of a little boy Leighton (Ian Smalls Jr)) She takes him to her home country of Jamaica for a little vacation to show him where she came from. While there she produces him to his aunt…

[mastersoftheair]

new stills for episode 5!

[sonic-fankid-showdown]

Poll 12, Round 2.

About Blade: (by @microwave-kid) Hoagie is a Huskal (archaic term for the rare crossbreed between jackals and wolves) that has no biological relation to Ian Jr or Infinite, and was found alone in a sad wet cardboard box by a swan. The swan, acting as a stork, delivered Hoagie to Ian Jr. and Infinite. Infinite could immediately tell that, for some reason, the huskal had latent Phantom Ruby powers. After Ian Jr. took Hoagie (whom he named) to a doctor it was discovered that he had crystalline Phantom Ruby-esq growths in his knees. Neither Ian Jr nor Infinite care to consider the implications of this or what this means for Hoagie's origins. These Ruby shards give Hoagie primarily the power to sense small atmospheric changes in pressure (he can tell when it's about to rain.) Ian Jr. named Hoagie that became during a good day he treats himself to a hoagie, and with his son in his life every day is a good day. Infinite named him Blade Thornslash, though.

About Lily: (by @galacticghoste) Lily is a magic tube baby. She is a genetic copy of her kinda twin Iris only difference is she has Tails DNA.She loves the outdoors and gardening and since she magic tube baby she gain the ability to manipulate plants instead of just being able to communicate and empathize with them she not big on fighting as some of her friends but she will do it to protect those she holds dear.

[jeansplaytoy]

aot people and what dogs they have

this was funnnn , no warnings !!

starting off , i feel like eren would have a french bulldog 😭 he don’t even seem like a big dog typa person (not in the animal way) but he would def name the dog after him like with the same initials or something. like ej (eren jeager) jr.

“ej jr, getcho ass back over here.”

“bruh ej jr ian even playin nomo bruh.”

“junior, why you eat my new…” and take a deep ass breath. “why you eat my new shoes?”

but to be honest he can’t even be mad cus him and the dog act just alike 💀 and i feel like ej jr would be hella nice, just play too much (like eren). like the amount of times this dog has took off down the sidewalk and eren just stood there, sick and tired of the bullshit. he’d definitely be one of those people that would be like “dogs too much to handle” but kept the dog no matter whatttt.

next up is connie, who would prolly have a doberman i’m not even finna lie. like he would want a dog that looks scary, but isn’t actually mean. and that’s specifically his dog.

like he’s trained enough that if connie tells him to attack like for real, that mf gon attack. but he’s trained enough to know if connie just playin or not. but he got it kinda good cus when i say everybody is scared of this boys dog …. it ain’t even funny 💀

everybody is scared of it except for the main group. he gotta keep it in its room (yet it had its own room) for somebody to come over his house.

and i feel like he’d name it like domino or spade (ykyk).

“yo spade come here lil bro!”

“spade go eat yo food, you had me fixing that shit for nun.”

“spade. go in yo room fool.”

he also squares up and play fights wit the dog 😭.

next up is jean. now this mf know he wrong, but he would have one of them tall ass dogs, like a irish wolfhound or sumn.

now this dog is sum else, jeans dog would be hella chill, but taking it out in public? 💀shiddd. everybody staring and looking like a mf and he honestly, HONESTLYYY don’t understand why. people will literally be like “bruh, that dog is huge as fuck.” and he’ll just be like “ion know what y’all be talmout, but ight.” AND IT AINT NO ACT cus he tall too😭.

the dogs name would prolly be clifford, ngl. the only difference is that the dog ain’t red. but other than that, he chill as hellll.

“clifford, stop tryna eat paper and shit!”

“cliff’ you chewed my bottle of water bro.”

“clifford, go. just go sit down, damn.”

there’s really no problems with this dog other than the fact that it’s big, but it’s trained a lot and hella good. like the dog knows to sit down in its normal spot when people come over and not to try to jump on people when they’re standing up, stuff like that.

so ony would probably have a small dog just like eren, and it’d probably be a papillon and lemme tell you, he would literally treat this dog like a princesssss omggg.

buy her clothes, paint her nails, brush and comb her hair, brush her teeth, treats everywhere in the bottom of the pantry. like he’ll treat the dog like his own daughter. he always holds her, she’s trained (kind of), like what else could a dog ask for?

but the namewise, i feel like he’d name his dog princeee, honestly. 😭

“princess, bring yo tiny ass-“

“you hungry, P’?”

“princess get that shit out yo mouth!”

of course he’ll only fuss at the dog if she really being disobedient like the time his bed was covered in toilet paper, like ten rolls.

now speaking of fussing, mikasa will forever get fussed at for buying not one, but two black perro de prasa canarios. when i say this girl don’t give a damn bout walking at night with her hands full at all, even when the dogs ain’t on a leash, they’re trained REALLY good. so when she’s actually scared or nervous about somebody following her, they’ll do exactly what she says. full on barking and then stopping mid bark when she says so.

everybodies scared of her dog (and connie would be jealous because not that many people really care about his when they see hers) but it’s not even on purpose, she just wants them for protection honestly.

their names would probably be bullet and gun. obviously.

“gun, bullet, why is there dog food everywhere?”

“gun, bro stop tryna fight bullet.”

“bullet, stop shaking water everywhere!”

bullet is bullet because he got a lot of energy and gun is gun because he’s more intimidating. like they got the spike collars and all, mikasa was not playing.

last but not least, sasha would have a dog that she could laugh at everyday, like a greyhound.

now honestly her and this dog will argue each other from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes back to sleep. they would be so on and off. 😭 but she’d dress the dog up and stuff and be really nice to it.

the only thing she’d really laugh at is how skinny the dog looks. but the name would probably be bones.

“bones, stop chewing on my airpods cases!”

“bones, get out. please get out.”

“bones stop scratching meee!”

but she obviously loves her dog cus she’s the type to have it since she was like 16 maybe. and they play fight too but she always ends up losing the fight, and one of her lashes in the process.

let’s not talk about how i fg to put armin, hope u enjoyed.

[dreamweaversfavsandthoughs]

Rick and Morty Season 7 Episode 1 Favs and Thoughts

(and maybe a small rant)

Rick and Morty season 7 has officially begun and this is the first time on this blog I plan on sharing some of my favs (and maybe some not favs) and my thoughts about each episode.

This will NOT be spoiler-free so turn back now if you haven’t watched the episode yet. If you have watched the episode or don’t care if you run across spoilers then please proceed.

My Favs:

The new voice actors!

Ian Cardoni and Harry Belden as Rick and Morty, respectively. I thought the actors did an amazing job at capturing the characters, even though we didn’t hear much from Belden this episode. I was looking them up on IMDB and some of their previous work included being an announcer for Wrestlemania, acting in a really crappy looking Disney Channel Christmas movie, and one of the better gigs, playing a bit part on Joe Pera Talks With You. And now they’re the stars of Rick and Morty. Talk about a big break.

Morty’ s snarky coffee comment and Rick’s sarcasm.

Morty is becoming more like his grandfather every season because that comment feels like something Rick would say. Also, I feel that in such a small scene the banter between Rick and Morty seems a bit richer with two different actors playing off each other as opposed to just having Roiland do the two voices. Hopefully we get some bigger scenes to really get a chance to hear them together.

BirdDaughter!

Ok. To be honest, I’m a little bummed that she was rescued off screen but I’m not going to let that ruin my enjoyment of the season. So she is home and she is an absolute teenage terror! BP took a dive into the deep end of the parenting pool with that one. Others have made this comment as well but I love her punk rock aesthetic that she’s got going on, ahold over from her days at Femme Fatale Training Camp. I hope Morty never meets her because I think he would be SMITTEN for approximately 10 seconds until she kicked his ass to another dimension (or she might be just as smitten by him and in that case I don’t think the multiverse could handle that relationship).

Ghost Robot

I thought it was really clever joke overall especially when Rick interrupts the download for “Business” so it’s unfinished. Get it huh huh get it. Hope he shows up later in the season.

The gangs all back!

I enjoyed the absolute silliness of Rick’s pitiful attempt at an intervention that turns into a drug and alcohol fueled bender that turns into an attempt to woo Amy back, a fight with Mr. PBH’s ex-wife’s new paramour ( who is a Predator hired to spy on her) and then coming to the realization that Amy has moved on and her and Poopy Jr. are in a much happier place, and because of that, Mr. PBH (or Wayne) can find closure in that and move on too.

The fade out pills and the Best Friend Burrito Box

I was giggling throughout the episode but I did love the fade out pill gag and Rick fading back in to explain the pill and give one to Mr. PBH then fading back out again. Also, I was so sad for Gene to get his Best Friend Burrito Box taken away! He wasn’t lying! He did have friends they just faded out without him.

My Not Favs:

Hugh Jackman.

I love the actor and this by no means pulled me out of the episode or ruined my enjoyment but I think the episode would have been stronger without him. Or, at least, have him actually secretly been a real wolverine. Not the superhero, Wolverine, but a wolverine that disguised himself as a human.

My Thoughts

(and my rant):

I think online discourse around film, television, and media has destroyed the ability to enjoy something that is just meant to be simple and silly and fun. If an episode of a season is not “mind-blowing” or “moves the narrative forward” it is immediately the worse thing ever. Was this the best episode of Rick and Morty? No. Was it the worse? No. Was it mind-blowing? No, but most Rick and Morty episodes aren’t and I realize I just said something sacrilegious. Was it deeply philosophical? Again no, but most Rick and Morty episodes aren’t. Again I’m being blasphemous in some circles of the fandom. Was it funny? I thought so but your mileage may vary.

Overall, I found it on the same level of episodes like the one were Morty impregnates a sex bot, 2nd interdimensional cable, Tiny Rick, or the dinosaur episode from last season. So I was really surprised at such a strong negative reaction to an episode that I thought was perfectly fine. I feel that the reaction was completely unwarranted and out of proportion with the episode we got. I’ll caveat it with most of the negative reaction being on Reddit ( which I realize is Reddit and Reddit will do what it will do). A vast majority of critic reviews I read were pretty positive and so has the discourse on Tumblr for the most part. I’m sure some of it is coming from Justin dickriders pissed he face actually consequences for his actions, but not all of it.

I felt the new episode would have fit very comfortably in with season 6 ( which I felt was a great season). Maybe it wasn’t to the level as other premiers but I had fun watching it. I love me a deep lore episode or a mind-bending sci-fi, but I also appreciate an episode that suppose to just be fun and silly and relaxed with a little bit of heart. I enjoy seeing Rick try to help his friend out of a rut and I’m glad there is some closure on Mr. PBH’s arc. And it was good to see the friends reunite. Squanchy’s alive, Birdperson is navigating fatherhood and we got to see a side of Rick we don’t see a lot. And if it’s any consolation to those who absolutely hated the episode, next week’s episode is supposedly a lot stronger.

I think it’s okay to criticize an episode but I did see one Redditor complain that he thought (and I feel comfortable assuming this person was a he) that Rick and Morty was now turning into…a sitcom. I swear I felt my soul leave my body. I wanted to say :

Honey, Dear, Sweetheart

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’VE BEEN WATCHING FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS!

I’m not actually mad I just thought that was hilarious and wanted to share that.

[crusherthedoctor]

More topics I need to think about for Paper Mario: Featuring Eggman From The Devil May Cry Series™ (title pending). There's not much practical reason to wonder all of this out loud in a post, but eh, I like to share my thought process on these things. :)

- Complimentary roles for the mainline characters. Bowser will be the hardest one, as Eggman will cause trouble for him as well (there's only room for one motherfucker in this world, and it's the one that doesn't even come from here, so says Eggy), but I don't want to cheaply shit on Bowser too much in order to artificially elevate my preferred villain, and as I said before, I also want to avoid the predictable route of having him team up with Mario in favor of a more original solution. Peach is another one that'll take some thinking: not that being kidnapped automatically makes her bad or useless, as PM64 and TTYD themselves prove otherwise, but I can't think of a sufficiently juicy reason for why Eggman would bother to kidnap her aside from maybe to piss off Mario and/or Bowser, and even then, I think I could come up with something more unique that achieves that reaction. Plus, Eggman kidnapping a princess would probably invite '06 comparisons, so y'know...

- Paper continuity. It's no secret that all the post-TTYD installments veered off into wildly different directions - and I don't just mean the gameplay - that regardless of whether you like them or not, you could say they're somewhat incompatible with the first two in terms of overall feel. Obviously, the intended feel for this fic is for it to be similar in spirit to PM64 and TTYD, so I'm wondering how to handle potential nods to games that have very little in common outside of the paper aesthetic, and making them coherent and in-line with the 64/TTYD world so to speak. (As a random side-note, not liking Super Paper Mario and its story - to the point where I actually prefer Origami King over it despite its Sticker Star/Colour Splash elements - might be my most controversial Mario opinion.)

- Characters that have inconsistent presence or no presence at all. Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings may be considered mainstays in the main franchise, but they never made an appearance in the Paper games until much later, so in order to preserve the PM64/TTYD feel, I might have to exclude them. It helps that I've never been too crazy over them anyway. The same applies to Kamek, as I'm likely to use Kammy instead for the same reasons. The real question is what to do with characters like Wario and Donkey Kong, who have had no presence in the Paper games whatsoever beyond some indirect nods, but are fun and distinct enough that it might be worth incorporating them in some way, assuming I can think of anything for them to do that can tie into the overarching Mario VS Eggman conflict.

- Partners. Since Vivian will be returning ("Oh look, a purple girl with pyrokinesis, never heard THAT one before"), do I make the rest of the partners brand new? Or do I take some from PM64 and some from TTYD to make it look slightly less biased? :^)

- References to other Mario works. This isn't much of a problem regarding the mainline titles and certain spinoffs like Mario Kart, since they're famously fast and loose with the idea of a consistent and ongoing narrative ("MARIO, HOW DARE YOU CALL IAN FLYNN A BAD WRITER ON MY FAMILY VACATION"), but since this is Paper Mario we're talking about, what I'm wondering is whether it would come off as jarring if there were some small references on occasion to, say, the Mario & Luigi games for example.

- Not going overboard with Sonic references. Eggman could occasionally make brief allusions to characters and other stuff that's happened in the Sonic-verse, but since this is 90% a Mario fic, Mario fans will be the most likely readers should there be any. Not all of them are guaranteed to be as knowledgeable about Sonic, and while I certainly wouldn't want to treat the readers as morons, at the same time, they shouldn't be forced to read up on all the lore of a different franchise that they might not even be into in order to understand what's going on. Plus, keeping the Sonic side of things intentionally mysterious in this fic compliments the Mario-verse's perspective, and lack of familiarity with Eggman.

- And of course, just like with my Sonic works, I want to maintain as much of the official flavor as possible, despite the inherent premise sounding like it came straight out of 2005. Eggman suddenly dropping into the Mario world, and Mario and Co being forced to take care of him without Sonic and Co being there to assist them, would obviously never happen, but if it did, how would it play out in a way that stays reasonably true to the spirit of the source material? How can this premise potentially say something about not just Eggman, but also the Mario cast? And so on.

...You know what else would never happen officially, but I'm still curious at trying my hand with it anyway for this fic? MarioXViv-*BANG*

[spenceluvsurmomsblog]

Master list!

Here’s what/who I currently write smut/fluff for!

Huge disclaimer: if you know a character is a minor then you should know I will not write smut for them. Ty loves!

Full / fuller house

Jesse Katsopolis

Joey Gladstone

Danny Tanner

(Older) DJ Tanner

(Older) Stephanie Tanner

(Older) Kimmy Kibbler

Matt Harmon

Heart stopper

Nick Nelson (fluff)

Charlie Spring (fluff)

Tara Jones (fluff)

Darcy (fluff)

Issac (fluff)

Tori Spring (depends on what’s requested)

Aled (fluff)

Tou Xu (fluff)

Elle (fluff)

The summer I turned pretty

Conrad Fisher (smut/fluff)

Jeremiah Fisher (smut/fluff)

Steven Conklin (smut/fluff)

Isabell Conklin (fluff)

Susannah Fisher (fluff)

Laurel Conklin (fluff)

The Black Phone

Finney Blake (fluff)

Robin Arellano (fluff)

Bruce Yamada (fluff)

Vance Hopper (fluff)

Griffin Stagg (fluff any one who requests smut is blocked)

Billy Showalter (fluff)

Metal Lords

Hunter Sylvester (smut/fluff)

Kevin (smut/fluff)

Emily (smut/fluff)

That 70s show

Steven Hyde (smut/fluff)

Eric Forman (smut/fluff)

Jackie Burkheart (smut/fluff)

Michael Kelso (smut/fluff)

Fez (probably just fluff)

Donna Pincioti (smut/fluff)

Divergent

Tris Prior (smut/fluff)

Caleb Prior (smut/fluff)

Tobias Eaton (four) (smut/fluff)

Christina (smut/fluff)

Eric (smut/fluff)

Chucky (the series)

Junior Wheeler (fluff)

Jake Wheeler (fluffy malexmale only)

Lexy Cross (fluff)

Devon Evans (fluff)

Tiffany / Jennifer Tilly (smut/fluff)

The sandlot

Benny Rodriguez (fluff)

Scott Smalls (fluff)

Michael Palledorous (fluff)

Hamilton Porter (fluff)

Alan “yeah-yeah” Mcclean (fluff)

Bertram Grover Weeks (fluff)

Wendy Peffercorn (fluff)

Kenny Denunez (fluff)

Fear Street

Simon Kalivoda (smut/fluff)

Deena (smut/fluff femalexfemale only)

Kate Schmidt (smut/fluff)

Josh (fluff)

Heather (smut/fluff)

Cindy Berman (smut/fluff)

Ziggy Berman (fluff)

Tommy Slater (smut/fluff)

Nick Goode (smut/fluff)

Descendents

Harry Hook (smut/fluff)

Mal (fluff)

Evie (fluff)

Jay (fluff)

Carlos (fluff)

Ben (fluff)

Uma (fluff)

Gil Gaston (fluff)

Jane (fluff)

Audrey (fluff)

The Breakfast Club

John Bender (smut/fluffish)

Andrew Clark (smut/fluff)

Brian Johnson (smut/fluff)

Claire Standish (smut/fluff)

Allison Reynolds (smut/fluff)

Mean Girls

Karen Smith (smut/fluff)

Gretchen Weiners (smut/fluff)

Regina George (smut/fluff)

Janis Ian (smut/fluff)

Kady Heron (smut/fluff)

The Hunger Games

Peeta Mellark (smut/fluff)

Gale Hawthorn (smut/fluff)

Finnick Odair (smut/fluff)

Cinna (smut/fluff)

Katniss Everdeen (smut/fluff)

Glimmer (smut/fluff)

Clove (fluff)

Cato (smut)

Finch (fox face) (smut/fluff)

Any others ask and I’ll tell you what I write

Shameless

Fiona Gallagher (smut/fluff)

Lip Gallagher (smut/fluff)

Ian Gallagher (smut/fluff)

Carl Gallagher (smut/fluff)

Debbie Gallagher (smut/fluff)

Mickey Milkovitch /(smut/fluff)

Mandy Milkovitch (smut /fluff)

Kevin Ball (smut/fluff)

Veronica Fisher (smut/fluff)

Scream

Billy Loomis (smut/fluff)

Stu Macher (smut/fluff)

Sydney Prescott (smut/fluff)

Tatum Riley (smut/fluff)

Randy Meeks (smut/fluff)

Dewy Riley (smut/fluff)

Gale Weathers (smut/fluff)

Charlie Walker (smut/fluff)

Jill Roberts (smut/fluff)

Amber (smut/fluff)

Chad Minks (smut/fluff)

Mindy Minks (smut/fluff)

Sam Loomis ? (smut/fluff)

Outerbanks

JJ Maybank (smut/fluff)

Pope Hayward (smut/fluff)

Sarah Cameron (smut/fluff)

Kiera (smut/fluff)

John B (smut/fluff)

Rafe Camron

Twilight

Edward Cullen (smut/fluff)

Jasper Hale (smut/fluff)

Emmet Cullen (smut/fluff)

Carlisle Cullen (smut/fluff)

Jacob Black (smut/fluff)

Seth Clearwater (fluff)

Charlie Swan (smut/fluff)

Bella Swan (smut/fluff)

Rosalie Hale (smut/fluff)

Alice Cullen (smut/fluff)

Esme Cullen (smut/fluff)

Lea Clearwater (smut/fluff)

Mauraders

Regulus Black (smut/fluff)

Sirius Black (smut/fluff)

James Potter (smut/fluff)

Lily Evans (smut/fluff)

Severus Snape (smut/fluff)

Remus Lupin (smut/fluff)

Peter Petigrew (smut/fluff)

Narcissa Black (smut/fluff)

Bellatrix Black (smut/fluff)

Pandora Lovegood (smut/fluff)

Barty Crouch JR (smut/fluff)

Evan Rosier (smut/fluff)

Marlene Mckenny (smut/fluff)

Riverdale

Cheryl Blossom (smut/fluff) femalexfemale only

Jughead Jones (smut/fluff)

Betty Cooper (smut/fluff)

Veronica Lodge (smut/fluff)

Archie Andrews (smut/fluff)

Tony Topaz (smut/fluff)

Sweet pea (smut/fluff)

Fangs Fogurty (smut/fluff)

I am not ok with this

Sydney (fluff)

Deena (fluff)

Stanley Barber (fluff)

That’s about it.

Cobra Kai

Eli Moskiwitz (hawke) (aged up smut/fluff)

Demetri (fluff)

Samatha Larusso (aged up smut/fluff)

Moon (aged up smut/fluff)

Yasmine (aged up smut/fluff)

Anthony Larusso (aged up smut/fluff)

Daniel Larusso (smut/fluff)

Johnny Lawrence (smut/fluff)

Tori (aged up smut/fluff)

Robby Keene (aged up smut/fluff)

The outsiders

Darry Curtis (smut/fluff)

Two-bit Matthews (smut/fluff)

Sodapop Curtis (smut/fluff)

Steve Randle (smut/fluff)

Dallas Winston (smut/fluff)

Johnny Cade (fluff)

Ponyboy Curtis (fluff)

Tim Shepheard (smut/fluff)

Curly Shepheard (smut/fluff)

Angela Shepheard (smut/fluff)

Criminal Minds

Aaron Hotchner (smut/fluff)

Spencer Reid (smut/fluff)

Derek Morgan (smut/fluff)

David Rossi (smut/fluff)

Emily Prentiss (smut/fluff)

Jennifer Jaroue (smut/fluff)

Elle Greenaway (smut/fluff)

Penelope Garcia (smut/fluff)

The Originals

Klaus Mikaelson (smut/fluff)

Elijah Mikaelson (smut/fluff)

Kol Mikaelson (smut/fluff)

Rebekah Mikaelson (smut/fluff)

Freya Mikaelson (smut/fluff)

Hayley Marshall (smut/fluff)

Jackson (smut/fluff)

The Vampire Diaries

Elena Gilbert (smut/fluff)

Damon Salvatore (smut/fluff)

Bonnie Bennett (smut/fluff)

Stefan Salvatore (smut/fluff)

Caroline Forbes (smut/fluff)

Enzo St.John (smut/fluff)

Vicki Donovan (smut/fluff)

Matt Donovan (smut/fluff)

Katherine Pierce (smut/fluff)

Tyler Lockwood (smut/fluff)

Anyone else requested I’ll tell you what I write for! XX

IT

Henry Bowers (smut/fluff)

Belch Huggins (smut/fluff)

Patrick Hockstetter (smut/fluff)

Victor Criss (smut/fluff)

(Older) Richie Tozier (smut/fluff)

(Older) Eddie Kaspbrak (smut/fluff)

(Older) Bill Debrough (smut/fluff)

(Older) Stanley Uris (smut/fluff)

(Older) Beverly Marsh (smut/fluff)

(Older) Ben Hanscome (smut/fluff)

(Older) Mike Hanlon (smut/fluff)

Friends

Chandler Bing (smut/fluff)

Rachel Green (smut/fluff)

Joey Tribiani (smut/fluff)

Monica Geller Bing (smut/fluff)

Ross Geller (smut/fluff)

Phoebe Buffay (smut/fluff)

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington (smut/fluff)

Eddie Munson (smut/fluff)

Jonathan Byers (smut/fluff)

Argyle (smut/fluff)

Billy Hargrove (smut/fluff)

Nancy Wheeler (smut/fluff)

Robin Buckley (smut/fluff)

Chrissy Cunningham (smut/fluff)

Anyone else will be fluff !

Sam and Colby

Sam Golbach (smut/fluff)

Colby Brock (smut/fluff)

Jake Webber (smut/fluff)

Reggie Webber (smut/fluff)

Kevin Langue (smut/fluff)

MIKE (smut/fluff)

Ariya (smut/fluff)

Corey schere (smut/fluff)

Katrina Stuart (smut/fluff)

Tara Yummy (smut/fluff)

Zephyr Wolf (smut/fluff)

Devyn Lundy (smut/fluff)

Cassie (smut/fluff)

The walking dead

Glenn Rhee (smut/fluff)

Rick Grimes (smut/fluff)

Daryl Dixion (smut/fluff)

Negan Smith (smut/fluff)

Maggie Rhee (smut/fluff)

Michonne (smut/fluff)

Carl Grimes (some smut aged up ofc/fluff )

South Park (all aged up ofc)

Kenny McCormick (fluff/smut)

Stan marsh (fluff/smut)

Kyle Broflovski (smut/fluff)

Eric Cartman (ig I’ll do smut or fluff)

Michael (the goth kid) (anything)

Basically anyone as long as it’s not them as children for smut

And I’ll do anything for euphoria (minus Nate) and Harry Potter (mostly fluff) and I will do anything for the walking dead !! :))

(Please no incest, zoophilia stuff)

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

hmm... by any chance how would you imagine MC met each of the MinecraftHybrid! boys? Like was Joseph violent at first like how wardens normally are in the Ancient City and chilled as he got to see they were harmless? I think I saw you mention how they met Shaun and he probably helped them meet Jack and Rory soon too if I'm guessing, but I am just interested in learning how MC got to know each of the boys.

Ok, so you actually meet Ian first! You two meet in the cherry grove where he lives. He didn't talk to you for the longest time, simply watching you as you did your thing. The first time you catch more than a glimpse of him is when you save him from a zombie hoard

After a while Ian tells you about this wolf that will not leave him alone so you go out to deal with it. Bo doesn't trust you for anything until you pull a few bones from your bag. The bones worked a bit too well because now he keeps calling you master and refuses to leave your side

Bo kept asking you for a leash for his collar so you found a mangrove swamp to get some slime. What you didn't expect to find was a whole ass man just out in the woods. You could tell he was trying to play down his own excitement at seeing you so when he offered for you to come over some time you couldn't say no

During one your hang outs with Shaun Nick stopped by for his medicine. He loves water but it burns his skin if he touches it so Shaun makes him water res potions so he can take a bath every now and again, and not die in rain storms I guess. He's not very talkative but he gives you a poppy by the end of it so you think it went well

Seeing as you wanted to beat the enderdragon at some point you need to go to the Nether for blaze rods but Shaun stops you before you go. He says there might be a different way to get blaze powder that doesn't involve you getting in danger. He has a portal that leads right to a fortress and a very friendly man. Jack thinks you're great, doubly so when you and Rory get along, but he doesn't know about you taking his blaze rods. You two strike a deal that if you help him color-ify the fortress he'll get you those blaze rods

While stocking up for your battle with the enderdragon Shaun asks you to come with him while he gets more dark oak wood. He says there's ghosts in there but you're skeptical. That is until you meet the guy Shaun is so scared of. He looks like an allay but once you start to trust him he tries to stab you, so not the best first impretion

After finally killing the enderdragon you meet Jean, or Jean Jr seeing as his now dead mother was also named Jean...Wait what? "Yeah, that was my mom, thanks by the way, she was real bitch" Jean's kind of a hot mess in the overworld having never seen anything outside of the End but he's pretty cute

And, finally. You knew it was stupid, you knew it was a bad idea but you just had to. You had to find an ancient city. Once you get there you get a bit reckless and summon a warden. It's terrifying, your vision goes dark and all you can hear is your heart racing in your ears as you try and hold your breath. As he comes into view you see this warden looks more...person like than what you were expecting. In a last ditch attempt at saving your own skin you whisper a small apology. After that Joseph calms down, he didn't know you were a person, he doesn't think he could live with killing a person

And that all of them!

[scilessweetheart]

ranking actors by how good of a job they did in teen wolf: the movie

1. vince ATE. this was HIS MOVIE. it didn’t matter that he was new. it didn’t matter that i only kind of liked his character. he showed up like rent was due, playing injured and desperate and needing to please just like the original teen wolf.

2. holland never misses. from her hurt watching allison fight, to her soft looks with scott, to her using her banshee powers. she stepped back into being lydia martin like no time had passed.

3. tyler hoechlin. my life, my love. he didn’t get a lot of emotional range with his scenes which is why he isn’t higher, but i have no doubt he had the potential to do it. he was the same as i remember him, but also had those small changes just from him having a kid and growing up.

4. colton did a great job, but also he was basically playing himself. no real acting was done, but it was believable and entertaining, so i’m still counting it.

5. tyler posey can play scott so well. but he was too excited to be in the movie that he couldn’t really play anything but wistful and earnest.

6. it feels odd to put linden here because he had such a small role, but i love this man and his character so we’re doing it anyway. he did such a great job as the sheriff and still playing dad to all of the kids even though they’re now grown. however, his sassy side left with stiles and i will never forgive him (but mostly the writers tbh) for that.

7. ian bohen had such a strong entrance and then… nothing. i don’t know what was up but he just stopped acting half way through the movie. also props for sniffing and crawling on all fours with a straight face.

8. ryan played parrish so two dimensional the whole movie. malia comments on a look he gives and he’s just there like “what look 🧍🏼‍♂️”

9. i love shelley hennig. i really do. but they’re trying to give malia depth and she refuses to lean into it. she’s going to date parrish after this, and she doesn’t even seem to really like him.

10. jr bourne. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU MAN. if there was one thing i could count on it was that man and he turned into some like poetic hipster with residual soldier in him.

11. crystal reed did a great job acting. that’s not arguable. the realization when her memories come back, the soft looks scott, the inner turmoil. that being said… she didn’t do a good job of being allison. her expressions weren’t as full and dynamic as they were in the show and it didn’t give her the same energy. she might as well have been a different character for me.

other comments:

- amy workman (the girl who played hikari) had very little range, but they downplayed her brand new character and this is her first movie role, so no hate to her, she got thrown in the deep end.

- melissa wasn’t in it for me to comment on anything. not her fault though, im so sorry they did you so dirty ma’am. same with dylan and khylin. i know they would’ve stolen the show.

[altruistresistance]

INFO DUMP FOR MY PRIMARY AU

SONIC: BATTLE LINE

PLOT

On the Planet Mobius, all is quiet. The population of Humans and Mobians alike live in harmony. Or so it seems. Under the shining exterior, a cold war between extremists and the government is starting to boil over. Head of the Science Division, Dr. Ivo Robotnik plots to use scientific advancements to turn the population against one another. As such, the Guardians of the United Nations scrambled a small platoon of heroes with remarkable powers in order to stop him. The conflict has been going for three years... and it's reaching a boiling point.

THE SECOND STAR RESISTANCE

Cole "Sonic" Aleena the Hedgehog (Powers: Super speed, mild wind manipulation.)

Michelle "Sonia" Aleena the Hedgehog (Powers: Invisibility.)

Jordan "Manic" Aleena the Hedgehog (Powers: Super strength, limited seismic manipulation.)

Miles "Tails" Prower the Fox (Powers: Two-tailed flight.)

Amy "Rusty" Rose the Hedgehog (Powers: Super strength, invisibility, cyborg anatomy.)

Elijah "Knuckles" Meadows the Echidna (Powers: Super strength, hyper durability.)

Clara "Rouge" Hopkins the Bat (Powers: Psionic shield.)

E-123 Omega (Powers: Internal nanometal arsenal.)

Samson Robotnik Beowulf "Shadow" Terios the Hedgehog (Powers: super speed, super strength, mastery over Chaos manipulation.)

THE ROBOTON REGIME (HIGH COMMAND)

Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik (Powers: Cybernetic enhancements Badnik control.)

Jason "Sleet" Fredrick the Wolf (Powers: control over the nanometal drones known as the Dingo Pack.)

Snively Robotnik (Powers: Badnik control.)

Neo "Metal Sonic" Metallix the Android Hedgehog (Powers: Nanometal copy ability.)

Xander "Infinite" Oliver the Jackal (Powers: Unstable Chaos energy manipulation filtered through the Phantom Ruby.)

Agent Breezie the Synthetic Hedgehog (Powers: Hypnotic mist.)

THE ROBOTON REGIME (BADNIKS)

MotoBugs (Motorcycle beetles armed with submachine guns. Weak point, wheels.)

Buzz Bombers (Small VTOL wasps armed with low-burn plasma beams in the stinger. Weak point, torso.)

Crabmeat (Crustacean sentinels with claw-mounted rocket launchers. Weak point, joints.)

Optic Pods (Single-eyed scouts with micro missile salvos. Weak point, power core/eye.)

Slicers (Praying mantis guards with reinforced titanium blades. Weak point, back of the neck.)

SwatBots (Elite humanoid Badniks capable of speech that use built in high-burn plasma cannons and smart-lock missiles. Weak point, Achilles heel.)

Hover Units (Large helicopter drones armed with ultrasonic concussion cannons, fusion core missiles, and a deployable energy shield. Weak point, rotor blades.)

Tank-Rexes (Huge theropod-like tanks with powerful jaws, optical plasma cutters, drill tail, and hyper-concussive roar. Weak point, internal generator.)

WEAPON TYPES

Melee (Swords, hammers, pile bunkers, the list goes on.)

Ballistic (Firearms that use traditional bullets. Effective against lighter Badniks, but useless against SwatBots and large units.)

Plasma (Firearms that utilize plasma engines rather than standard ammunition. Rare, but effective against more elite Badniks.)

Explosive (Be it a rocket launcher or grenade, these weapons pack a punch. Can be just as damaging to the wielder as it is to the enemy.)

HEADCANON VOICES SO FAR

Sonic - Benjamin Diskin

Sonia - Erica Mendez

Manic - Johnny Yong Bosch

Tails - Anthony Del Rio

Knuckles - Khary Payton

Amy - Jamie Lamchick

Rouge - Grey DeLisle

Omega - Keith David

Shadow - Ian Hanlin

Eggman - Charlie Adler

Sleet - Steve Blum

Snively - Peter MacNicol

Metallix - Ron Perlman

Infinite - Liam O'Brien

Breezie - Laura Bailey

SwatBots - Isaac Singleton Jr.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

“Can you say ‘Daddy’? Come on Junior, you can say it.”

Abe groaned with frustration after Abe Jr squirmed and wiggled instead of learning to speak. Theo and the girls had been a breeze to teach to speak, but then again, Roman had been the one to really sit down and try to teach them. Abe had only done the follow up exercises.

Abe Jr wasn’t an enthusiastic learner. He was content to wander around the house, playing with his toys while Abe had higher ambitions for him.

The older Abe got, the more he could find himself understanding his mother, which was a thought that horrified him. As a kid, it felt like torture to study and push himself to meet her standards, but now that he understood the importance of good study skills and good grades, he found himself repeating her words back to his children. It was an unnerving experience to see his own children glare at him and pout like he and Lucy had done years ago. It wasn’t like he wanted to parade his successful kids around town, boasting about his parenting skills like he always assumed his own mother wanted. He loved them with everything he had and only wanted the best for them, if only they could see how important the lessons he was trying to pass on to them really were.

“I’ll give you some banana if you say daddy,” he coaxed, remembering Theo’s weaknesses as a toddler. His own mother had tried to bribe her children into compliance and it had usually worked out. To the best of his ability, Abe couldn’t really remember anything distinctive about his father’s parenting style, aside from saying ‘yes’ to just about everything. Ian hadn’t been a proper father for years now, considering that he was now half-rotting as a zombie, but Abe mostly remembered his mother’s parenting style anyway. Well, if whatever Elaine had done to her kids counted as parenting.

Though, now that he thought about it, all three of her children had had surprise children by the time they were attending college and in the case of Abe’s siblings, they also appeared to enjoy provoking their mother for their own amusement. Lucy was...Lucy, and Nathan honestly creeped his older brother out sometimes. The Chun siblings were terrible children and barely functioning parents of their own kids. Maybe it was best if Abe let Roman take the lead with parenting styles. Roman’s family may have been monsters, but they knew how to get things done. That Bellamy over confidence frequently overwhelmed a stubborn child about to have a meltdown.  

“Theo’s friends went home. He should be down soon to help with dinner.” Roman rummaged through the fridge, looking for his salad dressing. “Saturnia, honey, don’t forget to turn your oven off. It’s a fire hazard.”

“Was he still mad about us summoning him?” Abe asked before their son stomped downstairs to overhear their conversion. “I still can’t believe it worked. We finally have some ability to keep him from walking the streets three countries over whenever he feels like it. I was about to break out the demon traps again if it didn’t work.”

“Oh, he’s pretty pissed,” Roman replied with a small chuckle. “It’s just like when he was a baby and he’d give us that glare of his when he didn’t get his way. If looks could kill....”

“We’ll have to send Lucy a thank you gift. This spell is going to keep Theo from making our mistakes and keep him out of danger. I don’t think the girls are going to be as difficult to keep in the house at night, but it’s good to have a backup.”

“I have dessert ready,” Saturnia exclaimed,showing off her baked prize proudly.

Roman smiled, reaching for a bowl. While Saturnia hadn’t been born with the demonic powers of her oldest brother, or the psychic abilities of her older sister, she had still inherited a skill from her father. Just like Roman,  Saturnia loved to be in the kitchen helping her father with his baking.

“That’s great, Saturnia,” he replied. “Let’s put it on the counter to cool. Maybe the smell will tempt your brother downstairs.before he needs to be summoned again.”

[renee-writer]

The Heart Don't Lie Chapter 56

AO3

They walk into Lallybroch, each holding a baby. Rose and Willa follow with all the gear and presents. This will be the first time the rest of the family meet them. Claire and Jamie decided that for the first few days it needed to just be their parents and sisters.

 

“Welcome home baby Frasers!” Ian booms. A pointed way of reminding them that they don’t know their names.

 

“Sorry guys. It was important to have us, Rose and Willa bond with them first,” Jamie says. He then looks down at his daughter, “Meet Emily Catriona.”

 

“And Thomas Sawney.” Claire adds.

 

“Em and Tom.” Rose is grinning.

 

“Oh,” Jenny hands Rory to his daddy, “let me see my nephew and niece.”

 

They are placed in her arms. Ian, his children, and Beth ground around them.

 

“They are so wee.” Maggie breaths.

 

“Were we that small?” Michael asks for him and Janet.

 

“Aye, you were smaller. Thomas takes after your Uncle.”

 

One by one, they take turns holding them.

 

Beth cradles them, on the couch, Rose beside her. “I want one,” Her girlfriend ‘s eyes go up, “After college,” Beth adds, “I know you weren’t sure…”

 

“I am now.” She runs her hands over their soft heads, “Mama Claire and daddy have shown me the last few days how much they love me. In time, I will forgive Anna ( she no longer calls her mam). I must, for my own peace. Letting go, knowing I have all types of loving families, I am ready to move on. With you and, in time, our own babies.”

 

“Sawney for William,” Jenny is on the verge of tears, “Jamie, it is just perfect.”

 

“Aye, Claire asks if I wanted a Jr. I thought about it but no. Another way to honor William, that is what I want for my son. To have him grow up to be anything like his uncle, it will be a blessing.”

 

Later, they lay the babies down together.

 

“They look like triplets.” Claire says, resting against her husband.

 

“Aye.” They watch them.

[thesinglesjukebox]

SCREAMING FEMALES - "BRASS BELL"

With John, we say goodbye to Screaming Females...

[7.19]

John S. Quinn-Puerta: This has been my song of the year since it came out. Maybe it's just the familiarity -- when a single is released in January, it has 12 months to make its way into my heart. Maybe it's that I saw Screaming Females for the first -- and last -- time in March at the EARL (East Atlanta Restaurant and Lounge), surrounded by friends I didn't have a year before. Maybe it's the rawness of Paternoster's guitar and vocals, her insistence on a rhythmic minor key riff that I just don't hear much without the layer of pretense that can surround it. There's no valorization of the '70s here, no bemoaning of what music used to be, but a reaffirmation of what the guitar always could be, of the idea that anyone, no matter how small and quiet they might seem, can close their eyes and yell and become a star, even if just in tiny rooms drenched in domestic beer and cigarette smoke. I did not know, when I submitted this song, my rediscovery of a band that I had first found doing college radio in 2012, that Screaming Females would announce their breakup a week later. I did not know that even as I wondered how I could possibly write a blurb for this, the most important song of my 2023 by any metric, would also be the swan song of an 18-year... it almost feels wrong to call the band a titan. That's never what Screaming Females was in ethos. They simply made the music they wanted to, beholden to no one but themselves. I have no means to eulogize them, but I still had to try. [10]

Nortey Dowuona: "I hope they keep going forever." -- Steve Albini [8]

Tara Hillegeist: Screaming Females may be the only grunge-indebted band to exist whose songs have only gotten better the clearer and prettier their production has become, and I've been on team "Marissa Paternoster is one of America's greatest living rock & roll singer-songwriters" since Castle Talk, without a single reason to betray my ideological loyalty in that regard in all the years up till now, either. And since "Brass Bell"'s got riffs that would make even Ratt bang their heads in appreciation, and lyrics like if Cocteau Twins wrote a Neil Young song -- in other words, it's a Screaming Females song... yeah, of course I think this is amazing. It'd take a harder sell and a colder heart than me to think anything else. [8]

Micha Cavaseno: Truly, I don't think of songs beginning with that kind of analog distortion as leading to the sort of gallop and retreating riff cycle pattern I associate with stoner rock and beard metal. I don't think in any of the times people would've mentioned this band I would've expected that I needed to make comparisons to Torche or Mastodon. And go figure: this first note is the note they're going out on. Hell of a way to go out, and just my luck really. [7]

Taylor Alatorre: Two weeks after Screaming Females released Desire Pathway, the J Mascis side project Heavy Blanket came out with Moon Is, an album of instrumental stoner-psych jams aimed squarely at those for whom "rip" is the default verb for guitar solos. There's no doubt that a similar path is open for Marissa Paternoster if she wants it; as if to confirm this, she played a show with the Dinosaur Jr. frontman just a few days after her band's break-up. "Brass Bell" is a solid showcase of the trio as a tight-knit riffing machine and not just a one-woman fireworks show, though there are a few too many concessions made for the radio airplay that never came. The flange effects feel like tacked-on regressions, and the wings of a high-flying, late-coming Paternoster solo are clipped after four terse measures. The sad reality is that the airwaves only seem to have room for one basement-band-doing-stadium-rock at a time, and if your name isn't White Reaper, you may just be out of luck. [6]

Ian Mathers: I mean, kudos to whoever made the wiki entry for this album list "punk blues" as the genre (follow your bliss!) but in every sense except the subcultural this is absolutely classic rock. The production, Marissa Paternoster's vocals and especially and gleefully so her soloing. It's great, in a way that makes me want to take up the air guitar and reach for words like "stentorian." [7]

Katherine St Asaph: I think I like this because of, not despite, the early-'00s radio rock feel. At times it almost feels like it's going to turn into Trapt (not an insult I swear). [7]

Brad Shoup: "Brass Bell" has something I always admired about Screaming Females, which is their uncanny ability to make nu-rock. They never really coded as "punk" for me: maybe stoner metal, but with a lighter guitar tone and an ability to write a hook. Because I grew up in butt rock's salad days, I guess I tend to hear it everywhere. But these riffs (the start-stop one and Phrygian-sounding one) and the way Marissa Paternoster punches into the chorus are modern-rock radio gold. Hell, the chorus even has the kind of fake-deep imagery that should get over. (Would a different alloy make living in a bell a tolerable situation?) Godspeed, Screaming Females. I'm sure all your subsequent bands will rock. [7]

Dorian Sinclair: Having spent the past three weeks on a placement where I learned, in great detail, about the history and function of carillons (bell towers, specifically those with two octaves of bells or more), I am definitively able to confirm: living in a brass bell would be really fucking loud! Central metaphor holds up! [7]

Rachel Saywitz: Sounds like a disaster on the horizon and a heroine's call to arms. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Everything starts to crumble once the actual verse arrives -- you can't feel the jaggedness of the start-stop guitar riff, and the band sounds all too eager to go straight into the chorus both the first and second time around. Unfortunately, the central metaphor there is too awkward, and is shouted with a conviction that leaves no room for it to be a proper hook. They almost convince me with the detours taken in the final third, but the radio-rock sheen is all too much: it sounds like I'm at a bar and the local band is trying way too hard to convince everyone of their energy. [3]

Alfred Soto: Marissa Paternoster's vocals are the right kind of arch and posh: when she complains, "It's too loud!" she sounds like a country club member sneering at Rodney Dangerfield. The rest of the riffage is not too loud, with interesting changes. [7]

David Moore: Every time I get really into a band a few years late they break up within the year. I take full responsibility and vow to stop listening to music. [8]

Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: Long live Screaming Females, they rocked harder and longer than a lot (A LOT!) of posers, and they have songs that showcase their gnarled hookiness better than this (download "Ornament" for clear skin etc. etc.). [8]

Aaron Bergstrom: Thirty-five seconds of "When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?" synth build, but we're talking about one of the most dependable indie bands of the past decade-plus, so you better believe they get there. Whether it's Marissa Paternoster screaming on guitar, or Marissa Paternoster just screaming, they've always lived up to their name. She deserves the plural all to herself. RIP to an institution. [7]

Frank Falisi: Screaming Females was an underrated experiment in texture. They could shift tactility live on the ridge of a dime. The big metal monster would suck in its woofer and start to strut different, guitar puffing over tom hits, which were doing the riffs. The bass was too big to hear and the bass was mercury. Something about playing live means performing life, which means playing the changes. Texture in music is a signal. It prepares your body to sound different. "Brass Bell" begins with washing electronics, a loop. It leers and jeers, like a Mica Levi film score on your fretting fingers. The mouth of sound is broad. "Brass Bell", Desire Pathway -- these are the descendants of All At Once (2018), of Marissa's Peace Meter (2021). Once you master bass and guitar and drum and the human voice, you can unmaster it, unwind it, break a string. "Brass Bell" breaks open after the noise into perfect form, crunched production, crisp like adenoidal panic. There's a perfect breakdown in the middle of the song, a perfect bring-it-all-down with a minute left before drumming back up, before one last chorus. "It's too loud!!" How many times have I said this at the Screaming Females gig? How many times has the sound entered my ears, all my complicated receptors and sets of crevasses ringing, only to feel my own texture quake at the sound? We talk sometimes of the collective frisson of the gig, of being a body among bodies. Divine. I think something like that happens on a studio sound too. Me and all my changes, a flange forever. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[sonic-fankid-showdown]

Poll 24, Round 1.

About Blade: (by @microwave-kid) Hoagie is a Huskal (archaic term for the rare crossbreed between jackals and wolves) that has no biological relation to Ian Jr or Infinite, and was found alone in a sad wet cardboard box by a swan. The swan, acting as a stork, delivered Hoagie to Ian Jr. and Infinite. Infinite could immediately tell that, for some reason, the huskal had latent Phantom Ruby powers. After Ian Jr. took Hoagie (whom he named) to a doctor it was discovered that he had crystalline Phantom Ruby-esq growths in his knees. Neither Ian Jr nor Infinite care to consider the implications of this or what this means for Hoagie's origins. These Ruby shards give Hoagie primarily the power to sense small atmospheric changes in pressure (he can tell when it's about to rain.) Ian Jr. named Hoagie that became during a good day he treats himself to a hoagie, and with his son in his life every day is a good day. Infinite named him Blade Thornslash, though.

About Mary: (by @veo-queenofcards) She's very sweet, but isn't afraid to throw hands, though she prefers to stay out of unnecessary conflicts. She would be a power type and her black arms dna is more noticeable. She has a twin named Windy.

[lowpolyshadow]

1. i am extremely happy to see ian jr/infinite in that tier list. in the same tier as sonadow no less it's what they deserve 2. also shadow/blaze got me like ???? but feels strangely in character for this blog for some reason /pos 3. silver getting all the mid ships is so funny 4. shadouge dislikers club hell yeah

if something is funny they gain a 10x multiplier from me but ian jr/infinite is SO funny it's like a 100x multiplier to compensate for the small amount of content

OKAY I TYPICALLY AM NOT LIKE A CRACK SHIP/NO BASIS SHIP ENJOYER IRONICALLY despite my enjoyment of things that are funny + interest in seeing characters that rarely interact ... so therefore silver ends up a lil cucked (insert funny joke about how in 06 when sonic and shadow do chaos control they link arms kinda gayly while whenever they do it with silver they just stand there like. normal)

i feel like the layout of the tierlist makes silver's ships look very mid but it's more like the middle area is usually where my feelings actually lie and the extremes are more outliers for my amusement

[nefretemerson]

this is one of the more rage inducing stories of police investigative incompetence you'll read this month. full text under the cut.

In february—two months after The Atlantic reported on a Hawaii murder case that sent an innocent man to prison for 23 years—Barry Scheck, the defense-bar legend and a co-founder of the Innocence Project in New York, contacted a former FBI lawyer named Stephen Kramer to ask him for help finally solving the murder.

On paper, things finally seemed to be going well enough for the Innocence Project’s client, Ian Schweitzer, and his brother Shawn, both of whom were convicted in the 1991 death of Dana Ireland. After more than two decades behind bars, Ian was released from federal prison in January 2023 and officially exonerated; Shawn served more than a year in the ’90s, and his conviction was reversed, too, last fall. But the prosecutors and the police in Hilo—where Ireland, 23 and on vacation with her family, had been attacked, raped, and left for dead—continued to argue, or at least imply, that the brothers weren’t fully in the clear. After Ian’s release, Lincoln Ashida, the prosecutor in Ian’s criminal trial, said in a statement that “another trial, prosecution, and conviction is possible.” When Shawn was exonerated, Ashida again said, “We stand by every fact that is already in the record.” (Ashida did not respond to a request for comment.)

For the Schweitzers, this was about more than just clearing their names. It was about getting the authorities to own up to the avalanche of errors that had led them to go after the brothers in the first place. (It was also, not trivially, about a pending compensation claim against the state, plus the possibility of a civil-rights lawsuit; Hawaii law does not allow anyone to receive compensation for a wrongful conviction if a court hasn’t found them innocent.) But the Hawaii police and prosecutors’ office weren’t budging. For the Innocence Project lawyers, this left just one thing to be done: find the real killer themselves.

Stephen Kramer is best known for cracking California’s Golden State Killer case in 63 days. He and a partner made use of genetic genealogy to link DNA evidence from crime scenes with publicly available genetic information collected by companies like 23&Me. By cross-referencing such information with other facts, including age, ethnic background, and family trees culled from obituaries, social media, and even high-school yearbooks, investigators have now solved hundreds of cases, finding suspects who evaded the police for decades. After retiring from the FBI, Kramer co-founded Indago, a company that is developing AI-assisted software to speed up genetic-genealogy investigations. “If a person can look at an obituary or a census record, why can’t you just teach software how to recognize that, too?” Kramer told me. He envisions a day when police, with just a few keystrokes, can use genetic genealogy to find possible suspects in any violent crime that leaves behind DNA.

Thanks to a cooperation agreement with the state of Hawaii, the Innocence Project had access to the DNA evidence in the Ireland case—semen from Ireland’s remains, as well as DNA on a T-shirt found at the scene that was also soaked with the victim’s blood. Both samples were attributed to a suspect designated as “Unknown Male No. 1.” It took Kramer just two weeks, using his new tools, to find a possible match—someone who, ever since 1991, had been living less than two miles from the scene of the crime.

Albert lauro jr. has a rather modest social-media profile—lots of pictures of him fishing and hanging out with smiling family members. He has the most minor of criminal records—a shoplifting violation long ago. Hilo is a small town, but the Schweitzers have said they don’t know him, and nothing public connects him to them. His ancestry is mostly Filipino. So is the DNA of Unknown Male No. 1.

Kramer’s program had gone searching for residents of Hawaii’s Big Island who had Filipino ancestry and shared relatives with Unknown Male No. 1. “If it was a typical Hawaiian person who had a lot of Māori and other islander DNA, it probably would have been a lot tougher,” Kramer told me. When Lauro turned up in the database, Kramer’s team did more manual records searches to confirm that he was a plausible age—he would have been about 25 when Dana Ireland was attacked—and that he lived nearby. They even learned that he owned a pickup truck along the lines of what would have been needed to drive through the thick brush to where Ireland had been abandoned.

Ken Lawson, a co-director of Hawaii’s Innocence Project, told me his team was relieved that Lauro had been found, but outraged that it had taken so long. “We have 110 banker boxes of documents” on the case, he said—thousands of pages, all scanned and digitized, of police notes and interviews, transcribed testimony, and investigation notes. The police were so focused on the Schweitzer brothers, they never looked elsewhere. “You put [Lauro’s] name in a search,” Lawson said, “it never comes up.”

After kramer shared his findings with the Innocence Project, he brought the information to the FBI, which said it would work with the Hawaii police to obtain an abandoned DNA sample from Lauro—something he might discard in a public place that the police could surreptitiously grab and test.

But the Innocence Project lawyers were nervous: How could they know that the police would take this new suspect seriously, given how determined they still seemed to stand by their old suspicions of the Schweitzers? “We were certainly worried,” Scheck told me, “that when they eventually arrested [Lauro] and interrogated him, that they would try to, through leading questions or something, to get them to implicate our clients.” The lawyers wanted to closely monitor the police investigation, but the prosecutors’ office abruptly said it was no longer going to abide by the cooperation agreement, and stopped sharing information on its progress.

Sometime in the spring, the police followed Lauro. When he discarded a fork in a closed food container, they snagged it, and brought it to a lab. Sure enough, Lauro’s DNA was a perfect match for Unknown Male No. 1.

The Schweitzers’ team learned about it only days later. They then demanded that any questioning of Lauro or search of his house be videotaped. They wanted the police to isolate Lauro right away, to keep him from fleeing, destroying evidence, or committing suicide. The prosecutor, Mike Kagami, said in response that he thought the suggestions were “good ideas.” But the only way to compel the police to do anything was by going to the U.S. attorney’s office or the attorney general’s office, both of which refused requests by the Schweitzers’ team to step in. A motion in the case quotes an email from Hawaii Attorney General Anne Lopez saying that she’d passed the lawyers’ “concerns and proposals” on, but was “assured that the Hawaii County Police Department is capable of handling the investigation of Unknown Male #1, and that they are committed to doing so in a thorough and impartial manner.” The Innocence Project was officially locked out.

On July 19, the Hawaii police contacted Lauro and asked him to come to a local station to answer some questions about the Ireland case. During the conversation, which was videotaped but has not been made public, Lauro is said to have admitted that he had sex with Dana Ireland the day she died, but denied killing her (even though the DNA test indicated it was his T-shirt that was soaked with her blood). The Schweitzers’ lawyers believe he might have planned to say this ahead of time, because the statute of limitations for rape—unlike for murder—had long expired.

The police then asked Lauro if they could get a sample of his DNA by swabbing his cheek. He said yes. The police collected the sample and—despite his already being proved a match, and despite his admitting that he’d been with Ireland in her final moments—they let him go home.

The Schweitzers’ team didn’t know that Lauro had been interviewed until July 24, when the lab came back with another positive match. They were apoplectic. “They should have arrested him for murder,” Scheck told me. Even if Lauro had simply abandoned Ireland after she was injured, wouldn’t that be enough to justify second-degree murder?

The report from the police showed that Lauro was not in custody, and that his home hadn’t been searched. The prosecutors refused to tell Lawson and Scheck where Lauro was, on the grounds that the investigation was ongoing. But it had been several days, and Lawson knew that if Lauro wasn’t in jail, there was one other place he might be.

On July 26, Lawson called the Honolulu Medical Examiner’s office. He bluffed: “Can you tell me when the body of Albert Lauro is going to be released for burial?”

The officer who took the call put Lawson on hold. Then he came back and asked for the last name again. Lawson spelled it for him. “You got a pen?” the officer said. He gave Lawson the name of a detective and the number for a police report about “an unintended death.”

Albert lauro jr. died by an apparent suicide on July 23, a day before the Schweitzers’ lawyers even knew that he’d been brought in for questioning. Lawson could easily understand what would drive a person to do that: “With his family, how do you live with that?” he said to me. “How do you tell your grandkids, ‘Yes, I’m the one that did this to Dana’?”

In court, the police and prosecutors have continued to stonewall the judge and the Schweitzers’ lawyers, citing an ongoing investigation. “There are a lot of other investigative avenues, techniques, search warrants that we have been working on that we plan to continue working on,” Hawaii Police Department Chief Benjamin Moszkowicz said at a July 29 press conference.

The Schweitzer brothers have been asked not to comment for now. Their lawyers are petitioning the court for an immediate declaration of innocence for both brothers, and for the Civil Rights Division of the Justice Department to investigate the police for letting their first real lead in a decades-old murder case slip through their fingers.

The Hawaii Police Department did not reply to a request for a comment, but said in a statement this week that “based on what the investigators knew at the time, there was not enough information to establish probable cause to arrest Lauro Jr. for murder.” Lawson pointed out, however, that Shawn—who was never accused of injuring or assaulting Ireland—was charged with second-degree murder for “leaving her in peril without seeking help.” If that was enough for Shawn, why not for Lauro?

The police chief told CBS News that any suggestion that his department had sabotaged the case was “abjectly false, 100 percent not true.” But both Scheck and Lawson can’t help but believe that, until the very end, the police were determined not to admit they had been wrong about the Schweitzers. They told me that of all the terrible things that have happened in this case—the years the Schweitzer brothers spent in prison, the decades of stigma they lived through, when everyone they knew believed they were murderers—this latest chapter is among the most outrageous. After condemning innocent men whose DNA was nowhere near this case, they said, the police have now let the man whose DNA was on the victim escape trial.

The police “wanted [Lauro] to flee or die so that they weren’t embarrassed,” Scheck told me. “We told them” not to let Lauro get away—“again and again and again. And we told the U.S. attorney’s office and we told the AG, and we told them directly in front of the judge, and [the police] went ahead and did it anyhow. So what does that tell you? It’s one of the ugliest, ugliest stories you can imagine.”