Tumgik
#Idiot barbarian
blueberryjim · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
First post!
This is my D&D Barbarian Tristan, he's a goofy fellow who may be wanted in several cities
Also I signed it Flint because my instagram is FlintandFires, idk if I should change it or not but whatever
10 notes · View notes
auspicioustidings · 15 days
Note
BG3 AU with a bunch of buff warrior men and their weak little cleric healer.
OK SO the trope of the little weak cleric is hysterical to me because as a cleric you almost always take con as your second highest stat. Like any cleric I have ever played has been hefty as fuck so they can deal with enemies trying to take down the healer.
The actual squishy healing class would be the bard! Like these buff warriors who want a cleric but every cleric they tried to bully has been too much a tank, whacked them and walked away. It's exceedingly easy to bully the bard though. What you gonna do? Angrily play the lute at me? (Vicious mockery never seems to work either since they don't actually have any shame and saying things like "son of a whore" only sends them off on a tangent about all the tricks they learned at the whorehouse).
They're awful sure, but in a sweeter turn of events they are so gentle when it comes time to camp. They find the soft singing and playing of their bard to be such a comfort and they make sure that in recompense they get the softest bedroll and are wrapped in big warm arms to protect them from the chill.
50 notes · View notes
deelovesbooks · 5 months
Text
ok y'all I gotta be honest, but I totally knew that Ragh had gotten Kalina from Porter and thought that everyone else also knew this so seeing some people surprised threw me for a loop a bit
However this certainty of knowledge had absolutely no impact on any of my thoughts and theories this season 😂 not once did it cross my mind that Porter was the one with the spies tongue curse and honestly it didn't even cross my mind that Porter had infected Ragh on purpose I figured it was an accident like when Sandra Lynn and Tracker did the healing
I just didn't like Porter bc he was a dick and mean to Gorgug 😂
37 notes · View notes
meggsssart · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Sorry I've been quiet lately! Between working on commissions and life stuff, I got the most horrible case of art block. I managed to get these done before that happened but never posted them here.
I wanted to make icon-type portraits for our D&D party - featuring Elden, my half-elf paladin and professional good boy; Regis, the elven evocation wizard we found in a damp tomb, Eve, the half-elf barbarian who starts all the unecessary fights, and Gurbo, the gnome bard who is a complete and utter enigma (he is facing the opposite direction on purpose!)
My intention is to get these portraits made into counters we can use instead of minis. I really enjoyed drawing them and love seeing the whole party side-by-side!
7 notes · View notes
cloudcountry · 9 months
Text
there is no way the ikevamp guys are being such assholes in jean's route i must be dreaming
11 notes · View notes
snakecultist · 19 days
Text
Tumblr media
DUMBASS
AND she is ready to shoot then disengaging bc he is on the way fucking idiot
2 notes · View notes
veiledbyart · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
The randomiser decided that my friend's and my level 1 characters are getting attacked in the night by a level 17 ranger.
I somehow doubt this is going to go well--
Don’t use or repost my art without permission.
11 notes · View notes
revindicatedbyhistory · 6 months
Text
the way daenery´s first book plotline is like Racism Bad... but also it is rather racist
6 notes · View notes
lethesbeastie · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
I've saved So Many unhinged t-shirts that I want to give to my ocs that it's starting to get concerning akghskfh
Anyways, here's a doodle of Chorus and Wolfmire being the cutest (and dumbest) pair of lovebirds in MHC
12 notes · View notes
xythlia · 8 months
Text
extremely underrated part of bg3 is how the thorms just fucking die after talking to tav for like five minutes
3 notes · View notes
admiralshiba · 2 years
Photo
Tumblr media
Thokk the earth genasi barbarian who my friend plays in my game I DM. Man puts all my monsters on the chopping block
10 notes · View notes
katyspersonal · 2 years
Text
My Izzy and Ludwig are so silly though
He insults her for being basically an animal that falls for aggression impulses at the slightest provocation but he is also the one FUMING when she as much as looks weird at the Healing Church or his sword, meanwhile she insults him for inadvertently following Flora when she herself follows Fauna
Like they both are idiots gdhggfg Guys stop it with the dick-measuring contest 🙄
4 notes · View notes
techolas-deck · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
in the sworded valley, straight up “rolling it”. and by “it”, haha, well. lets just say. crit faileds
1 note · View note
aro-ortega · 2 months
Text
always thinking about the dnd characters i never got to/never will get to play
0 notes
natalieironside · 5 months
Text
I brought some ancient Greek philosophers back from the dead cuz I wanted to start a prank channel but they started asking me stuff about the modern world and now they won't quit making fun of me cuz my city doesn't have any gates. Zeno of Syracuse called me a "no-gate-having ass barbarian idiot." He already knew English.
6K notes · View notes
sturniolohouse · 3 months
Text
That's Life - M.S
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
A.N: After the stream where Matt said he liked the name June– which has been a name on my baby list for YEARS now – I couldn't stop thinking about this scenario, so I decided to write it. Sorry if it's bad. (I'd also say they are still very young in this, maybe 23/24. But imagine any age you want, I don't really specify.) Hope you enjoy!
summary: dad!matt - a cute snippet of Matt and y/n becoming brand new parents and Chris and Nick meeting their niece for the first time. mainly fluff :')
warnings: none, really. maybe swearing and mentions of blood? (also use of y/n because apparently that is hated? idk)
word count: 2.4k
--
"Kid, hold her fucking neck." Matt panics as Chris readjusts in his seat on the couch.
"Matt shut the fuck up, I think I know how to hold my own niece." he retorts.
"No, you clearly don't you idiot."
I peer to my left, he holds her with one hand under her head and one hand under her butt, propping her in front of him on his lap. She's perfectly fine, Matt just worries.
"Look she's fine. She's with uncle Chris." Chris looks at her adoringly but Matt cautiously watches, biting his nails.
"How are you feeling?" Nick asks beside me, rubbing my shoulder as I eat my burger. I was starving and the first thing I wanted after giving birth was In and Out, so Matt made sure Nick and Chris brought it for me.
"I'm so tired but just relieved everything went okay."
It was a long labor, almost 20 hours and about an hour of pushing. I waited to the very last minute to get an epidural and Matt almost passed out once he saw what it actually was.
-
"That goes in your fucking spine?" He squeaks, his face turning pale as he nearly keels over.
I'm sat up with the anesthesiologist behind me prepping the needle. I grab Matt's forearms and bring him to stand between my legs so he's hunching in front of me before I collapse my head into his chest and groan.
"Don't fucking look at it, hold my hands." I seethe through the pain as I wait for the contraction to pass.
"I'm so sorry," He says into my ear as they stick the catheter into my spine and I stay as still as possible.
"I want In and Out after this is all over," I breath out, beginning to feel my lower half go numb.
"I'm getting you whatever you fucking want, sweetheart." He looks me dead in the eyes.
-
"It's kinda fucking nuts that she was just inside you, how the fuck did you like..." Chris speaks up looking between the baby and me. "Push her out..." He hesitates and I burst out laughing as Matt throws his arms up and shakes his head at him, stopping himself from knocking Chris' shoulder.
"Well, it wasn't easy." I wipe my tears from my eyes due to my laughter and Nick gives me my water so I don't choke on my dry ass fries.
"Women are the strongest people on the planet." Nick chimes and Matt smiles proudly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"That's fucking right. So much respect after all I witnessed." Matt rubs his eyes, seeming to be mentally reflecting the past 36 hours.
"She's so fucking cute, looks nothing like Matt." Chris comments, a small smirk growing on his face at the playful jab.
"Okay, give her back you're pissing me off." Matt quickly but gently takes her back even as Chris protests and pouts, sulking back into his chair.
"Lost your baby holding privileges," Nick points at him as Chris makes a face and sticks his tongue out, a throaty bellow echoing in the hospital room.
Nick immediately hushes him. "Can you not act like a barbarian? Fucking idiot." He scolds him.
Matt cradles her softly and my heart still melts at the sight of him holding her. It makes everything I went through so worth it. The both of them do.
-
I lay there in shock with a wailing baby placed on my chest. I look up at Matt on my left and he's got his hand over his mouth and tears brimming his eyes, staring at our baby with so much love.
My chest blooms with warmth and I look down at our daughter. Anyone else would look at her and think she was gross, being purple, covered in goop and blood, but she was quite literally breathtaking. Matt blubbers and bends down so he's more level to me.
"Oh my fucking god," he laughs through his emotion, wiping his eyes quickly and placing a hand on her blanketed back, her cries dying down.
"How the fuck did you do that? You're amazing oh my god." He rambles, kissing my sweaty hairline and I shake my head not really knowing how I did this either.
They let Matt cut the umbilical cord before taking her off me to bathe her quickly.
Matt grabs my face checking in on me. He scans all over my face,"You okay? You did so good, oh my fucking god." I nod quickly, feeling my adrenaline still rushing. It's a weird feeling to describe, but I am so happy.
"She was so tiny, did you see her?" I ask him, my voice a little shaky and he nods laughing, tears still shining in his eyes.
"I did, I did. She's perfect. Thank you." He kisses my lips this time and then looks over to the nurses bringing her over to him.
"You want to hold her, dad?" The nurse smiles and he visibly pales but nods nonetheless and takes her into his arms.
He looks at her and begins to tear up again, having to compose himself by looking up shaking his head. When he looks back at me, I'm sent me over the edge into my own fit of tears.
I would relive this day over and over again to just see that look on his face.
-
He walks over to Nick who's still beside me, bouncing her slightly.
"Nick, cmon. You've yet to hold her." Matt nods toward Nick to take her from his arms. Nick immediately shakes his head and steps back.
"No she's too fresh and tiny. I don't want to break her." He declines.
"Chris get him the pillow. Nick, hold her. You won't break her I promise you." I give him a reassuring rub on the arm and his eyes widen.
"I'm scared," He squeals quietly as he sits down in the chair and Chris sets up the pillow in his lap. Nick covers his mouth as he watches Matt walk over to him. 
Chris puts a hand on his shoulder, "Nick it's gonna be fine." He giggles at his antics and I stifle my own laughter.
"Dude c'mon, I'm telling you to hold my kid not a bomb." Matt rolls his eyes and Nick flips him off.
Matt places her carefully so she's snug in Nick's arms and he freezes immediately.
"What do I do?" He looks up at me in fear.
"Just that. You're doing fine. See, she's perfectly content in your arms." I tell him softly and grab Matt's arm so he stands next to me.
I kiss his forearm and he looks back at me with a warm smile, wrapping his arm around me and sitting beside me on the bed. He pulls me in gently before kissing the top of my head.
"I'm trying to see any real defining features in her but she quite literally just looks like a baby," he studies her face as Chris takes photos of them.
"She definitely looks more like y/n," Matt says, rubbing my arm lightly before stealing one of my fries from my tray.
"I think she has my nose for sure. She hasn't really opened her eyes yet, maybe you can try and wake her up. The nurse should be coming soon to help me feed her."
"I just realized, what's her name?" Nick asks, lightly rubbing her cheek with the back of his finger to try and wake her.
"Yeah, have you guys finally decided?" Chris sits down next to Nick on the couch.
Matt and I look at each other. We had been debating her name since we first saw her face. Of course we had a list prepared but we didn't want to settle on a name until we could match it to her face.
It was hard agreeing on names at first as we had very different tastes but there was one that kept coming back up in conversation and once we saw her it was a no brainer.
I nudge Matt, "Go ahead, tell them." I lean my head against his shoulder.
"Her name is June," They 'aw' in unison.
"June Iris Sturniolo." Matt tells them her full name and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. 
"I love that, such a sweet name.” Nick smiles down at her.
"Does it have a meaning? Or did you guys just like the name?" Chris pulls back her hat.
"Holy shit, she has a lot of hair." he comments.
"Explains all of my heartburn." I huff and Matt giggles beside me.
"We liked the name and we were looking at lot of nature names, month names, classic names. We landed on June a few times when going over names but didn't want to make it official until we saw her." I start and Matt nods before speaking up.
"Well, we had some music playing during the whole labor and everything but after Y/N started pushing, our playlist ended and started playing whatever. And right before June came out, the song That's Life by Frank Sinatra played. And in the song, there's a line that goes: You're riding high in April, shot down in May but I know I'm gonna change that tune when I'm back on top, back on top in June. Right when we heard that and then we saw her face, we knew that was her name." Matt concluded and I tear up.
"That's so fucking cool," 
"Stop I have chills, oh my god."
"And Iris was my grandmothers name, but we also liked how it sounded with June. It was proven really hard to find a middle name that sounded good with June and Sturniolo." I laugh.
“I love that her name has a cool story behind it that you can tell her one day.” Nick says and I get emotional thinking about telling my daughter the day of her birth.
"Hi June, you gonna wake up for us?" Chris speaks softly to her. She stays put as Nick and Chris look at her expectantly.
"I wouldn't want to open my eyes either if I were just in a a warm dark place for almost nine months and all of sudden I'm in a bright ass hospital room with a loud idiot." Matt speaks looking directly at Chris.
"She must take that after you," I say playfully and rub his chest. He rolls his eyes.
"Aw, a little Mattitude." Chris uses a baby voice, tickling her belly playfully. “Look she even makes Matt’s stank face he does when he’s mad.” He points.
“Oh my god she does,” Nick exclaims.
"Not to be weird, but you are all basically her father since you have identical DNA. Also if you guys have children one day, they'll be genetically June's half-siblings." I state my fun fact and all their faces drop.
Nick gasps, "Wait, that's actually crazy because I was just going to joke around and say 'aw she has my eye-bags'." His eyes widen and I shrug at him proving my point.
"That's so fucking weird." Matt shakes his head in realization.
Chris acts repulsed, putting a hand up. "Yeah, I don't like thinking about that. I'm no one's father, thank God." He does the sign of the cross.
"Yes. Thank God for that." Matt says shortly.
"I don't know, I think Chris will be a good dad one day." I defend him and Matt gives the side eye. 
"Thank you y/n," He says with a hand over his heart.
He walks over to me and gives me a side hug. I kiss his cheek, offering him a fry and he takes it appreciatively.
"I'm definitely staying the fun uncle." Nick states, turning his attention back to June. "One day, you'll be big enough to stay at Uncle Nick's and I'll get you anything you want without your parents knowing," he says quietly to her but we can all still hear him.
She begins to stir in his arms and he freezes again.
"Oh no, she's waking up. Is she gonna cry?" he panics. "Matt quick, take her."
"She might want the boob," he says taking June out of Nick's hold.
She begins to fuss and squirm but Matt calmly shushes her and begins to bounce lightly.
"It's her feeding time in 15 minutes, should I try without the nurse?" I look up at Matt and he shrugs.
"I don't see why not. She's clearly hungry now."
"Uh, should we leave?" Chris says awkwardly and I wave him off.
"I'm gonna cover myself don't worry. Unless you want to leave," I say nonchalantly, not having a care in the world after just about everyone in this hospital has seen me naked. But of course I won't be flashing anyone.
"Junie don't cry, here's mama. She's got the food." Matt tells her quietly, bringing her to me as Chris clears my lap for me and goes to sit down next to Nick again.
"My baby," I pout as I grab her and her little cries die down once she's in my arms. "You already know the deal sister, let's see if we can do this." I talk to her confidently hoping I can do this on my own.
Matt stands beside helping me cover up and get June in the right position.
"There you go, all better." Matt speaks to her softly as she latches on and I exhale in relief. "Good job, mama." He runs his fingers through my hair and rubs my neck.
The nurse walks in mid-feed and praises me. "Looks like you've got it under control here." She smiles and checks my vitals quickly before stepping back out of the room.
Once June finishes eating I burp her upright on my lap, facing her towards everyone. At this point she's wide awake and everyone is staring at her.
"Oh my gosh, her eyes are like, gray," Nick says. 
"Can she see me?" Chris waves at her, shaking his head and sticking his tongue out.
"Her eyes will most likely change color, they can change up until she's a year." I tell them. "And she can probably see you as a blob, Chris. Stop dancing." I tell him and he stops mid griddy. 
"Oh..." He looks defeated and she burps loudly in that moment, making him laugh. "Why does she burp louder than me, she's like 12 hours old." he jokes.
I feel Matt's hand on my shoulder again and he gives me another squeeze. I look up at him and smile tiredly, he leans down to give me a kiss. Something we rarely do in front of others because we hate PDA. But we can't help it this time.
 I hear a snap of a camera and we both look to see Nick with his film camera.
"I couldn't resist. First family portrait." he smiles softly. "I can't believe you're a father, Matthew."
"Believe it, kid."
"Nick, will you actually take our family photos when we get home." I ask rubbing Junie's back. 
"The fact that you even asked that," he says looking offended and everyone laughs. "Of course I will, though."
3K notes · View notes