#Idk its hard to explain. like my relationship w them isnt Bad but its not close or like great but not bad. its fine. I guess

[woopeee]

like. like. majormoon yaoi anon once again hiiii

but like. like. where do i even start, ive explained this ship so many times to sm ppl. its hard to keep track of where the start of the explanation would be-

Imma start by covering up Life Series concepts here... will get into Empires and a funny AU i have later on... NOTE: i JUST realized seasons go autumn -> winter not winter -> autumn, so lets just imagine either its the other way around for some reason or maybe the games happen across different years or the watchers use time shenanigans n stuff IDK!!

Last Life: cottagecore queers. they started as friends, sure, they're best friends, but best friends who kiss, hold hands, cuddle together, cook together, stick to eachother like glue istg. AND I REPEAT !! KISS!! SURE SMALL PECKS BUT THATS NOT VERY FRIEND LIKE !! ive read many queerplatonic galaxy duo fanfics, but i think they're just romantically crushing on eachother and w time their relationship quickly escalated and neither of them wants to ask the big "what are we?" question. (plus, I hc every season of the series happens in a different season of the year, maybe in different years?? idk cause i didnt count for 3rd life but i dont think it would count as spring... ANYWAYS Last Life happens in Summer, for angst purposes)

Double Life: I don't wanna talk too much abt their relationship in DL cus it makes me so mentally ill, reminds me of sum personal lore in my life I wont get into, but I still love em. I hc soulmates have some shared features w their soulmates, different for everyone, like these two have the ends of their hair the color of the others hair. after the "divorce" Pearl tried to cut off that teal part but the ends just gew upwards, like the teal part just appeared in his new ends when moon cut off the old ones, so at the end he just used red dye to dye em red. Also I feel like they lowkey miss eachother even if both are too stubborn to talk to eachother and at least try to fix things. (winter. winter freezes. often killing all that in summer grew green)

Limited Life: Oh hoh ho... the drama is back but the toxicity is gone. frienemies, exes, a bit petty still but can joke about it for a lil, have forgiven eachother but at times still feel resentment. they live very far away, yet when they interact in person, if things are 1o1 and there isnt any of their allies nearby, gosh can the tension be cut with a knife. not only tension in the way or anger, but sometimes just being awkward around eachother, sometimes homosexual tension, sometimes homoerotic tension- (half joke, i wont talk abt nsfw stuff but theyre adults). They stare at eachother from across the room thinking either "i wanna punch you so bad" or "i would so go and kiss you right here right now", or both. However theyre still fairly friendly, its not the same as *Our Last Summer*, since they'll maybe pull petty pranks on eachother, specially the Nosy Neighbors on Mean Gills, with Pearl mostly having Scott's ever so slightly upset reaction, if even to get a groan or frown from him, tho he doesnt hate her anymore, its not like winter, thats in the past. Autumn comes and makes leafs fall... it gets rid of the dead waste of what winter killed, preparing for Spring...

Secret Life: ... for a new beginning. Spring comes along, a new, more lighthearted game at the start. After going through so much stuff together, everything they've overcome, "That's in the past" "It was a one time thing?" "Yeah, yeah" "Well, I'm glad we agree... glad we can move past that". And they start again, blank page, althrough clearly stained by past moments, they can look back at them fondly and joke around about it without hard feelings. Not only that, but they finally make up their minds, both of them get their shit together and can finally label their relationship, make it official... tho whats a game about secrets without some secrets of their own? So at first, with a bit of fear of what their allies would say, but also just in a way to keep privacy and get a laugh out of others confusions, they meet up in secret. Secret meetings at night or when their allies are out, whispering to eachother and giving eachother accomplice looks, finding hiden spots to sit down and talk. They're plenty suspicious in plain sight, but with all the reasons there could be for them to be hiding something? Maybe theyre up to no good! Maybe they're plotting destruction! Maybe its got to do with their tasks! Yeah, it drives the yellows mad in particular, trying to guess their tasks just to be told it couldnt be further from correct or that they already complited theirs. Now some participants are a bit oblivious, but others can put 2 and 2 together pretty quickly... they'd keep their mouths shut tho, cause seeing the others lose their mind trying to uncover their "plans" is quite the funny sight. Maybe some would get a push like a little knudge from Cleo "They're dating, Bdubs" "... OHHHH, SO THATS WHY". The Roomies all know for sure, Impulse suspects, to Gem and the Mounders it never crossed their minds, unsure about others tbh but thats what I know for sure. But yeah! Maybe at first they'd have a "Bad Idea" (from Waitress) moment, tho that song also could fit an ""afair"" in LimL from what ive talked with a friend, but yeah. They're destined to die anyways, since the finale means only one can win, and that winner is neither of them, but they'll meet in the next game. Tilly next time. Or, Tilly death does them part...

... except not, cause not even death can do that, cause they are able to find eachother in every single universe, no matter the circumstances, even if their situation isnt ideal in some, they're always together, in one way or another. MajorMoon yaoi anon dropping the anon. Shameless Scottearl posting today!! Let's go rom Galaxy Duo Truthers!!!

Youre getting your own tag /silly

[magnoliamyrrh]

You don’t have to answer if too invasive but how did you find out your father did what he did? I’d think a toddler would be too young to remember

naw its ok. maybe itll be of some use to someone lol. so uh. yea. rly wasnt easy to figure this shit out or to accept it + going through all that weird normalized balkan shit rly made it a lot harder to figure out what the hell was what. as i said in that other post a whole bunch of symptoms made me v unsettled and suspicious of things since i was idk in my early teens, like, ive had utis and bad vaginal and anal pain since forever/ive been hypersexual to the point of feeling like a crazed bitch in heat. since forever. or very sex repulsed/sadomasochism otherwise v fucked up trauma kinks/nightmares/ general anxiety around physical and sexual intimacy/actually mortifying fear of the dark when i was younger, like, abnormal level/weird fucking triggers - like im still freaked out by cameras to this day, i always feel like im being watched especially when theres a camera somewhere, and i used to have v nasty reactions to ppl wanting to take photos of me when i was younger/weird feeling that all i was good for was to b little more than a sex slave for men - despite being a lesbian and having no interest in males/weird relationship w money/intense dissociation/utter disgust and fear around men etc etc etc technically. most of these could just b the result of the other stuff. technically kinda. except in my case it was to such an extent that tbh it uh wouldnt fully explain it frankly, not from what i remember which is most of it

on one hand yes most ppl tend to not remember their early childhoods much.but ehhhhh. many nontraumatized ppl do actually remember a lot. and some of us who are traumatized do. predators often target rly young kids bc they think they wont remember but its not rly a guarantee. i. have cptsd. and osdd/did lol so, uh, brain and grasp on memory and time rly isnt normal. before i feel down a trauma spiral and my psyche cracked once and for all, there were whole chunks of my childhood i couldnt rly remember. i still have a lot of gaps. a lot of it is still blurry and a lot of it i still dont remember... hell, shit feels blurry plenty of times in day to day life.. having a fractured psyche comes w sometimes not remembering much of anything and feeling rly detached from the trauma (and.. reality), and other times feeling like youre drowning in it

uhm, when i first started getting more memories back or flashbacks or my dissociating got worse at around 17/18 it was rly scary and confusing....i was back in romania and something must have triggered me bad idk. and i tried to just go back to repressing all of it but it didnt rly work, not that time. it was such a sickening and deeply unsettling feeling, i felt as if some dam in my mind had finally cracked and i was drowning in insanity. as time went by more of them came and some stuff was harder to deny. i also.. idk. a sick curiosity got the better of me and i went poking around in my brain in the places i perhaps shouldn't have - a bit later on at 18-19 when i started doing psychedelics, and that also rly just.. opened up my brain more idk and connected parts of it which werent connected before. which was partially horrifying and partially, im very thankful for

but uhm. it was many things that i started to put together little by little. the whole thing ended up coinciding w having to admit that i do actually have osdd/did which was.. hard. you dont end up with that severe sort of dissociative disorder and mental fragmentation without a.. certain level of repeated early childhood trauma. and despite all the plenty of other shit i went through, the stuff i knew of didnt ... fully explain it.. uhm. theres a part of me, alter, who vhemently hates my father. like a rabid dog, worse actually bc she leans into just sadistic want to see and feel him suffer actually. dont blame her. and just... at best severly distrust and dislikes men, in general. i think that was one hint lmao and uh.. she remembers more than i tend to about things anyway. others trauma holders and a persecutor alter remember more than i do too, and i dont envy them. some of them have always had a particular fixation on the being prostituted thing which i never rly understood or could put together from just the "regular" family stuff before.. getting to have more of a relationship and communication and understanding w them and breaking down some of the mental barriers and dissociating between us helped... v much still an ongoing process

and uh, i age regress pretty hard, or i have alters younger than this body is, or both frankly. generally agreed upon that the age(s) of said alters is the age(s) at which some trauma happened.. uhm, its actually kind of a whole other fucking nightmare to deal with but i guess u learn to live w it over time and try to make the best of it... uhm. so. because of that theres actually parts of my childhood which id say i remember better than most ppl, bc its like theres an open wound in my psyche back to those times.... sometimes i feel a lot more connected to that time frankly than the current time here. the earliest my memory stretches back is around 2 yrs old, and i remember plenty of scattered things from later on. some of it is trauma stuff, some of it is not..... i try to make the best out of the stuff which isnt. though it does actually rly fucking suck and make you feel insane to have some of ur earliest memories be. sexual stuff... and to know that shit was happening before you could ever remember.... uhm. a lot of the more severe sexual trauma kinda is like this other trauma during that time. when i was 2 i was bitten by a dog and had my hand ripped open - it rly was my fault, i was bothering the stray... i dont remember being bitten, nor the stitching up and rabies shots. but i have the scar on my hand to prove it, and i remember the moments before i was bitten, i remember the dog...... hm. i remember when i was two, i had spend some weeks or so down south with my father and his family. i have my suspicions of what happened but when i got back from them, i had such a mortifying fear of.... something. the dark. being alone. males. something, idk, something, all of it, that id get so scared and so freaked out that id just lose it, feeling such a severe level of terror that id just vomit bc i dont think my body could handle any of it. that i do remember, not pleasant nor particularly normal... for the most part the first memories and sensations and flashes i started getting back werent of the worst or most violent shit... uhm and those already made me suspicious even when they were more blurry and i couldnt remember much, and over time i just started putting two and two together and getting more of a sense of why i have/had certain triggers and nightmares and reactions and such..... a lot of times it feels like having to play detective for your own damn life. i still dont remember a lot of the worst shit. but by now i remember... enough. i remember enough, as hazy and fragmented as it may be at times, i remember much more than i ever fucking wanted to, enough that its undeniable... uhm. and also. that shit didnt end when i was a toddler, rather started then or.. god knows when it fucking started... but i dont really know how old i was when it ended. i left the country when i was 10, that i do know. its all still too fragmented for me to have any sense of, but, i do know it went on till i was older too, bc i remember some of that stuff as well

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

[cas-rivaille]

@reinertiddiejuice

hi there! i saw your matchups were open and i couldn't stop myself </3 so i'd like an aot matchup!!

before i start i want to say thank you for doing these matchups :( even though theyre literally matchups with people who dont exist 💔💔  they comfort us so much so thank you for taking the time to do this and i hope you have a wonderful day :D

now hi! im katie! or katherine, (literally no one has ever used that though), i'm straight, afab, and use she/her pronouns. i'm 5'2, have shoulder length dark brown hair with face framing pieces in the front. basically a wolfcut but more with a more 70s feel, i have an overbite and a slight tooth gap which means i can never fully close my mouth </3. i have dark brown cat eyes, tan skin, and plump lips. the best way to describe my style is a tamer phoebe buffay! eccentric!

my mbti is enfp-t, my enneagram is 7w8 and my big 3 are libra sun, gemini moon, and sagittarius rising!

as for my personality i'm a generally upbeat and giddy person! with people im not that close to im usually laid-back but with people i know i can get really loud and just really let loose! i LOVE using cursing at people im close to. its a form of endearment for me. dont ask me why i dont know either but i just know that i feel safe around someone when i start cursing at them. im a scatterbrain like ive rewritten this so many times just so everything is easier for you to read RIPPP i get insecure at times and im kinda stubborn too its hard for me to get out of that mindset without someone realllyyy pushing me to do better dont ask me how im getting over it now...im not. which is why id like someone who is patient with me </3 and doesnt get mad at why am feeling a certain way. but id like to say im optimistic cause even though im feeling bad, i know in the future ill get better, i just have to work through this.

now im an artistic and expressive person. i love singing and acting! especially with acting, for some reason, pretending to be someone else grounds me in a way? i have no idea how to explain it but after ive finished a monologue, i always feel so calm and so in tune with myself. i also LOVE getting to know peoples little quirks and interests. no matter how "weird" they deem it (within reasoning ofc) i love getting to know what makes people happy! i also get really excited over little things. both literally and figuratively. i love tiny objects which is why the secret world of arriety is my fave studio ghibli movie hAHAHA theyre just so cute and tiny :( and the way you have to handle each item with such care because theyre so small just warms my heart. i also want a ferret. like as a pet. theyre literally the perfect animal theyre so small but theyre energetic MANNNN THATS ALL I WANT THEYD BE SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY WITH. i also adore handmade items. whatever it is, from a cake to a stuffed animal, i love handmade things cause you can see the love and care they put into making it. it doesn't have to be perfect, hell it's better if it isnt because you can see the humanity in the item, you can see that a human being actually made this and it rly does warm my heart :(( 

now for relationships, its the little things that matter the most to me. if they remembered a small detail i told them, or if they make sure to do something because they know i'll like it, it's just the small details that get me because that means they're really listening and really do care about me.more often than not you'll find me spaced out and find that ive slipped into my imagination again. i do love my little world of scenarios ive created in my head but thats cause i like it more than the present but i know i only do that cause i dont have someone who im reallllyyy close to and someone who i can talk to and be present with so i think once i get into a relationship ill want to spend most of my time with them because they make the present a little more bareable :)

i hope that was enough info for you to work with!! pls take your time!! i'm not in a rush but also if you don't want to do it that's fine :D i wish you the best <3

---

HI OMG THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST !! ITS MY FIRST AOT ONE I HOPE YOU LIKE IT !!

also this is my first time responding to a submission i hope i did it right !!

on another quick note, i love doing requests n matchups n hcs so feel free to ask anytime !! also i totally agree ik me personally i always love fictional character stuff and when i get matchups that i asked my serotonin goes NYOOM

okay so i'm assuming you won't hate me because based off your username i don't think you will, but i got SERIOUS reiner vibes from you. and here's why:

- ik you said you like small things and this totally counteracts it bc reiner is just huge in every aspect,, but like you'd be the small one now and idk i feel like the size difference is s o cute

- reiner loves that you let loose around him and as much as he's a kind loving doting himbo when it comes to you, he would so be down to have a roast war

- HE THINKS YOUR TOOTH GAP IS SO CUTE AHAJSHSHS

- knows you can be scatter brained so he leaves you little notes in places you'll find them and sometimes it's just like "remember to drink water :)"

- he would get you a ferret and the two of you would name it together🥺

- reiner knows you like handmade stuff and he would literally take EVERY opportunity to do smth for you

- hungry ? suddenly he's made your favorite food. tired ? oh look at that there's a knitted blanket on your bed with your name on it that reiner started making whenever you left because he took it up as a hobby and wanted to make you smth

- MUSIC DATES

- everything from playlists to singing and dancing in your room

- if you need an acting buddy, you got one, it's reiner

- PLEASE GIVE HIM CUDDLES HE WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO BE SNUGGLY W YOU

- mmm falling asleep on his chest

- if you spaced out w him he'd let you be in your world or he'd smile and hold hands w you to bring you back :)

- he's such a good listener and is v patient w you

- overall, giant good boi and smol energetic bean duo

- he loves you sm

a/n: I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT ITS MY FIRST AOT REQUEST BUT I HOPE I GET MORE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT AND REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER <3

- cas :)

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

[judememories]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: oOoohohOhoh im in love w judas.... ju-Das juda-ah-ah... i rly missed jude tbh so i decided to bring him in as a second. i hv faith i cn manage jugglin i... ...... .. . have faith. in case u dnt kno it is me (nai) n this is like. the one (1) male chara iv ever managed to play longer than jst a few weeks. truly jst Zee Fruit Of My Womb! bt anyway. jst gna leap right in to the intro. we die like men

he pinterest: 

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger's rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying "fuck off" to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

he hd to do community service bc he kind of... hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he... stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like... drivin around the place sort of... tryin nt to cry.....KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw... broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room....... n thts where hes been 2 explain his absence to any of u whose charas had... connections w him Way Back When

in a new development in terms of sexuality i jst am nt quite sure....... hes always thot he ws straight... fooled around w a 90s hugh grant lookalike once n ws jst a bit like :/ my rocks rnt blasted off? bt who knows wht the future holds... who KNOWS wht the future holds ladies n gentlemen

frm this point on i wnt lie iv pasted in his old intro bc. a bich is lazy! a bich is predictable! and a bich! is! unapologetic!

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was bornthey just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work outthey were ok to him like they weren’t abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plansthey literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a rly successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit, especially kerouac, n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… Calm Down Judepersonality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. 

he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an Independent Boy without a sentimental bone in his body. or so he says. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women. tries to b? a feminist bt sometimes fucks up n offends ppl n is like dam..... my bad fr :/

he has p bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at lockwood doing fine arts. he luvs painting n photography n philosophy n all tht. a pretentious fiend sometimes? maybe_so.gif

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along that Dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s That Guy that would die fr morrissey (his vibe not personality bc i hc jude was depressed n shut himself inside all day when he actually found out what a dick he is dfjkfhg) and all that stone roses the smiths etc stuff music wise. HMU FR PLOTS!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

[figureinthedistance]

read more bc even more long + self indulgent than my usual stuff

ive been thinking abt my relationship w/ like.... crying recently like as in w/in the past maybe week. i cry so easily tht i just feel like tears dont carry any consistent meaning it can mean so many different things. 

1) last week my dads abusive mother died + i didnt cry i wasnt sad @ all. id sort of figured shed be dying soon + i was so scared id end up crying bc i kno i cry easily + that death makes me cry even if i dont kno the person who died that well. but i didnt cry + i still havent even when i talked to my dad on the phone + cld tell he’d been crying. im so fucking glad. she was so evil i hated her so much but i was still scared id end up crying. especially bc in her later years she was vulnerable + isolated + in a lot of pain. 

2) speaking of, my brothers ex girlfriend who im still on friendly terms w. her childhood best friend committed suicide last weekend + i was crying but i was sort of aware that i was crying exclusively for my brothers ex gf, not for the woman who died. who i knew, who i had met + liked! but i wasnt grieving i was jst heartbroken bc i knew the ex was jst going to feel so so guilty abt it-- she’d been like sort of the woman’s only friend + had moved abroad a few months ago. i felt bad + like, like i was insulting the woman who had died that i was so concerned w/ how her death affected others when her death was abt her, it wasnt supposed to be abt its impact. it was abt her! 

the next 2 Things are less serious

3) the national album made me cry, especially not in kansas.mp3, but also quiet light + a good few other songs. i genuinely dont understand why the nationals lyrics have gotten under my skin as much as they have. idk anyone who is so affected by them. + so much of them i cant relate to!! there are songs i can relate to e.g. rylan but many i cant + i still jst cry. the crying + my general reaction to their music feels like it comes from being overwhelmed. i guess its like the general desperate repressed claustrophobic atmosphere of his music. 

4) i went to see the glass menagerie + it was so fucking good (marty rea was in it + i love him a lot i think hes rlly good). id never seen it before but i was expecting to cry. its my fav tennessee williams play + i love laura so much. this girl i was ‘’’in love’’’’ w/ when i was a teenager made me a tshirt tht says ‘tennessee williams loves me’ on it bc id said that semi-jokingly bc laura is written so tenderly + lovingly + its clear how much love williams had for the sister she was based on + i relate so much to her. i teared up when she was showing jim her glass animals, + started properly crying when she said she was nervous she’d step on his feet + he said sth like ‘dont worry, i wont break’ (after her talking abt how fragile her glass animals were) + then when they were actually dancing i like had to like hold myself back from like sobbing. i mean not that theres any doubt over tennessee williams talent but like on a personal level this rlly showed how important + impactful i found his work bc like even tho i cry easily its usually over pretty Big things things that are obviously very sad or obviously very scary. this scene was so subtle but it still hit me so so hard. 

5) in therapy my therapist identified my inability to explain why i cry whenever we talk abt anything from my childhood even seemingly innocuous stuff, + i think its in part bc in some ways ive stopped myself from processing or feeling emotions abt my childhood @ all ever + never talk abt it w/ anyone (one of my worst habits is tht i often will lie abt my childhood even in relation to pretty basic facts jst bc i bristle @ the idea of sharing anything real w/ anyone) so when ive talked abt it openly + in depth in therapy even again if we’re talking abt an aspect of it which isnt that significant i will like instantly almost instinctively start crying. 

[cloneslugs]

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals 

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is 

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism……  we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird, 

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet 

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ 

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

[oleaspur]

ummmwine replied to your post “zenkaiankoku replied to your post “i find it really interesting how...”

oh totally to all of that though, like, yeah i think ppl either smooth him over WAY too much &/or make him like, more stable than evan which is like??? they have Different Problems actually but connor is definitely the least okay / least okay to be around of all of them...but it's also like...clearly just as Off to interpret him as somebody who just acts out completely at random and is just Intensely Angry ALL THE TIIIME instead of yeah, him having this actual internal

OK im replying under the cut because this will be long but tl;dr YOURE RIGHT

process behind the stuff he does which like, from an outside perspective would clearly be unjustified or over the top or irrational etc etc etc...and tbh like interpreting him as like, slow to warm up to ppl and quick to draw back thx to paranoia or potentially actually sort of latching on to ppl too fast but it can also go sour rl quick All Thanks To Splitting is valid af and like!! we don't know cuz canon doesn't say anything about that kind of thing re him. liiiike

i think the difference between having a relationship w someone with something like depression and anxiety and with someone who has a disorder like bpd is that w/ depression and anxiety you can almost always take a step back. its not going to be the case that everything you do impacts them and that their response to your actions is going to be a public thing.. bpd for me at least is very loud. it takes up all the space it can possibly find, so every interaction Means something and every response you have to those interactions needs to serve some kind of a function and it needs to be Known. its why at least for me i tend to suffer more when i have close relationships with people, because youre constantly having that sort of connection. like im not saying its always a bad thing because the good times are! so good! but everything is horrible and intense All the time so it never feels like youre doing something wrong when youre acting out. its more like why DOESNT this matter to everyone else the way it should. 

the splitting thing just makes so much sense to me because i used to be the kind of person who would say like , really awful things to my family as a result of it. i dont ever want people to think im justifying what connor supposedly did but i think there Should be an explanation beyond hes just ‘a bad person’ or Vaguely troubled. there is a genuine attempt to reach out to evan, however minor, and i think that its way more compelling to treat him as someone who Does crave genuine connection w people and is just unable to approach it in a healthy way than anything else

i don't think that reference to that particular incident with zoe is meant to be like "there's a specific canon answer to what issue made connor act like this" but like i can so see that being more of legit paranoia fueling that problem somehow and just...like hghh again out of all the senior kids he'd definitely have the most work to do before he'd be able to have a good relationship either in terms of on his own end or re the other person's end of it...like obviously

there's the violence which is like. number one Got To Get Rid Of That Asap mostly for other ppl's sakes but then like. figuring out how to deal w the underlying crap would be more for his sake. like god that all of them were in therapy but also connor's problems definitely seem intense enough that he could probably stand to look into being medicated instead of having to self medicate cuz i figure that's what he's trying to do even if its kind of backfiring sometimes...

definitely definitely.. i could say a lot about why i think having connor and evan (or jared i suppose but i havent thought about that so much) bonding initially and then it going downhill because of a lack of an actual understanding of each other’s issues (and then both learning and coping separately IN ORDER to build an actual relationship with each other) is more interesting and genuine feeling than them Immediately helping each other and it actually working. but it would be long.. 

they all need to See Someone. + obviously medication is never the be-all end-all of any kind of mh treatment but for me personally therapy was never useful UNTIL i was on medication that actually helped regulate my moods first. the sort of things they talked about were never feasible for me because my moods dropped SO fast and because just being told to do things was so infuriating.. and so on. i definitely agree w the self-medication part i usually see that as connor trying to deal as best he can w something that no one else seems to understand or struggle with. sometimes it seems like the best way of coping w things is to try and detach urself from it . obviously that isnt healthy at all but when u dont know how else to deal w ur problems u find your own solutions :(

ANYWAYS the point is that like. first of all projecting shit Is Valid And Who Cares Anyways but in this case its probably also more accurate than what ppl write when they have no experience with such intense and unmanageable things and stuff that you really can't quite imagine accurately unless you know it firsthand already. and godddddd a trope i cannot stand is like, the 'i just need one good relationship and that will fix things / inspire me to choose to be able to

handle this and voila! i am handling it" like!!! i LOVE good relationships being mutually helpful and with this cast it's easy to see how they'd clash cuz they all do in canon!! but it's also ughh so easy to see how they could all understand and help each other even tho their specific problems are different when u zoom in enough. and like it's cool as hell if a relationship helps you / motivates you but it's not gonna fix everything and it shouldn't!! and like yeah with

connor i really see his shit as being involved in / close to the clinical psychotic types of issues. which yknow, people REALLY don't tend to know how to write if they don't have lived experience or really do a lot of good research anyways. like badly written anxiety is still probably gonna be closer to the mark than badly written delusions or smthing, idk. but anyways i am going ON AND ON and the point is. bpd connor is valid as fuck and i love that perspective on him

YEAH i think when i was younger i fell into that kind of writing as a sad sort of wish-fulfilment thing because it makes sense to want things to be that way. but its not helpful to people who relate to those characters, or realistic/healthy to want that sort of solution because it just doesnt exist

i think with personality disorders especially its hard because to a certain extent its like... it inhabits you. i was SO worried that once i started being able to deal w my mental health issues i would stop being a real person because like. it informed Everything in terms of how i approached the world. its hard to write something like that but like.. it all makes sense in your head. you have your own internal justification for everything even if you never reason it out and even if you couldnt possibly explain it in words you KNOW youre feeling this way for a reason and youre justified and should be feeling this way. its weird stuff

ANYWAY ty for this i LOVE talking about this kind of thing and literally everything youve said is so good and real.. connor is important to me even if he has barely any characterisation in canon lol

[judesave]

helo it is me nai bk again w chara #2. i hd jude at the old lockwood some of u may remember him he is? frankly my pride n joy n like the only male chara i’ve ever been able to properly stick w. here is his muse tag n here is his pinterest board if ur into tht stuff. gna just dive in bc its 8am n i still haven’t slept rip!

( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. ) it might be HIS JUNIOR year but I still think JUDE HAYWARD looks exactly like DOUGLAS BOOTH and sometimes I think the CIS-MALE is actually them. Of course I’m wrong, as they’re 23 and studying ARTwhile living in POTENTAS here at Lockwood. The PISCES can be rather WITTY and PROTECTIVE, but also kind of RUDE and DETACHED. Their most played song on Spotify was ASLEEP by THE SMITHS, so I think that says a lot.

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t super abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans

they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a rly successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of them were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit, especially kerouac, n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… Calm Down Jude

personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot bt isn’t particularly fond of actual Dates except in rare cases, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an Independent Boy without a sentimental bone in his body. or so he tries to pretend. pretty deadpan humour most of the time. luvs strange ppl tht keep him on his toes

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot. he also... smokes a lot fr the sake of his depression bc HOO boy does he hav it bad! he’s tried a bunch of medications n none have rly worked bt u kno. he’s surviving

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along that Dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s That Guy that would die fr morrissey and all that stone roses the smiths etc stuff music wise. HMU FR PLOTS!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

[beverlyr0ad]

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy 

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!!  okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand. 

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart. 

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

[unproduciblesmackdown]

its just wild idk how to say the experience of just like...it being a wholeass fixture in your life that you’re gonna off urself...i guess in earlier times (almost been aware of being suicidal for a whole decade babes) it was also that i just...like assumed that my future was gonna involve some whole disaster that was going to wreck the whole damn thing idk. like i always knew i didnt have the kinda situation where i had somebody to fall back on no matter what & i did very much know that i had the kinda situation where if it looked like the identity ppl thought i had fell through and it turned out i wasnt thriving in all of this and actually just kinda miserable and on my own, instead of having ppl who would be There For Me No Matter What i had the ppl who would want nothing to do w me except for further beat me down..........so yeah i guess ive been feeling like my future was only Doom since like 12 def...maybe earlier if you look at it idk its like wondering when i was starting being depressed fulltime. probs like age 3 idk

anyhow the point is....hard to explain what its like having the constant sense that you don’t have a future thats good & in your control & something you want, or that even exists right. like sometimes i imagine thinking abt the future in the ways that other ppl might, in the way that you assume you’ve got a good while and that there’s things you’ll get to do that you like or you’ll pursue your ambitions or whatever and its weird i think about it for like 3.3 sec and its like tf.........its like when you get some kinda Aroma Memory where your brain remembers that smell from 18.6 yrs ago & you have a 0.62second window to try to think of where its from while you have some fleeting visual/emotive memory.......sometimes i’ll just have some kinda emotional echo from a less depressed life and its like ?????? havent had this feeling in this exact way for a minute. its weird its like lol this doesnt belong to me anymore..

anyways for another solid like.....6-7 yrs its been kind of “i’ll be surprised if i make it another yr alive” with various ups & downs in that level of surprise along the way.....more like a Down lately lmao its wild how impossible it seems to make it a few more days or weeks when youre having a worse day than usual, having an on avg Worse period that lasts for months & months and etc is just....wild baby. if you havent felt it for even a day its not something you can really imagine. if u know what its like to feel like ur gonna die for a longterm period then you know what it is..

like always, maybe this is my year baby!!! in terms of death. if im thinking abt maybe this is the year i suddenly Succeed on all fronts and i never again have to think about kms, then that’ll be a struck-by-lighting, same-shuffled-card-deck-order twice in a row, sheer chance out of nowhere. your life isnt steered towards goodness because you’re good enough or Only As Much As You Can Handle or anything and ive been too deep in it this whole time to have ever been set up to not get the rug pulled out from under me several times over and yknow once you fall down even once, unless you’re really solidly backed up, the odds arent in your favor about not getting continuously run over the rest of the time. wind isn’t really at ur back there.

like im so glad abt every person ive run into who ive had in my life for more than like 5 hrs and im lucky that i was at least born recently enough to have had the internet/texting mostly regularly from 14 y.o. onward.....if i didnt im sure i wouldve been......even so much more isolated than i was. l o l . . . . ive got to feel like some ppl care abt me which is nice and didnt happen too much before then. its also good i draw lmao coz besides for the most part thats how i talk the best & how i get in touch w most of the ppl who end up sticking around enough i talk to more than like a couple of times.....but tho of course ive never like, found arbitrary success in terms of either my own solo financial boon to transcend any and all problems or ever just like bonding w a bunch of ppl like ride or die for life baby. coz like.....why would i do either. if you werent born into financial stability, let alone wealth, and if you didnt just happen to pick up these deep unshakeable relationships along the way at times when it didnt really matter.....good luck picking those things up further along the way when stuffs even shittier. i may’ve been lucky w the internet/texting timing but i wasnt lucky w the financial crisis hit or really just being born after the 80s, economy wise......or lucky w being isolated socially since age 4 and always having to feel distanced from ppl coz i could sense the difference & stigma of being someone abused & miserable before i was even really that self aware of the extent of those things about me.........oh well. coz again w the internet and me happening to draw enough prior to age 14 that i was always considered “good” at it, and then finding that i like to draw fanart for myself lol....so i could at least connect w ppl some ways right. or via text posts sometimes lmao....and im lucky that the ‘net / having a phone gave me a medium for those things & being connected to some ppl. and im lucky im gay & not cis & got to figure that out & enjoy it coz thats the best thing abt me.......

anyways even if say life was perfect for me magically i still wouldnt be able to relate to seeing yourself pursue your ambitions coz like i always say...ive never really had those lmao. wasnt able to baby.....its like there’s always that idea that ppl whose life is defined by Survival, who’ve been exposed to trauma &/or abused, that if you drop them into a safe stable situation w/friends and all and whatever then suddenly they’ll be a “regular” person, like there’s some inherent core of everyone where they Know what its like to get to live in a healthy environment w a certain perspective on other ppl & how they’ll treat you, and if you just remove someone from bs they’ll just shift over to that Default that is like oh lol yeah im like everybody else. like nah its a whole different kind of world / life you’ve not even necessarily adapted to, maybe its what you grew in. and you can adapt to a better life & grow further in that but its not a matter of like “washing away” what came before....it can be an entirely separate thing. like if you haven’t experienced it you cant imagine it. i cant give someone a real sense of what its like to grow up within & live in an abusive place for decades. and i can’t guess who i would be if i’d grown up / lived in a completely different, better situation. coz thats a whole fundamental change from the start. it’d be such a different person that it wouldn’t even make sense to call it an alternate version of “me.”

well anyways i always feel like i’m bound to kms & that bad things are impending sooner than later & when they happen i’ll get a new set of incoming bad shit to feel bearing down & etc & i dont have things i want except a cessation of living under dread & feeling like my existence is in the way & theres ppl around i gotta be on my guard for & i’m only gonna kms eventually here, theres a long lifespan & for being to off yourself at any given time, also im jealous of ppl who’ve had a nicely sized friend group where they’ve always been able to hang out w one person at least whenever they wanted to / needed to. at least i’m gay, baby. i honestly do feel like that tweet where its like i cant kill myself b/c what if im a straight guy in my next life? @ god i cant do it. like lmao for real though......in my past life maybe i was an 80s gay. syke if i have a past life it was probably a cat. maybe a cat of an 80s gay. i can only hope

[hatsuneniko]

i think some of my least favorite posts on this site are the ones where people act like not being unhealthily codependent on a significant other is something unreasonable to expect from people with mental illness. the ones where a bunch of folks agree with one another that if your s/o doesnt talk to you constantly at all times they dont love you enough or whatever and then deflect criticism by saying some like “imagine being this neurotypical” or w/e. 

cuz like, as someone who’s been living with quite a few mental issues and used to be very much locked into an unhealthy mindset in terms of what i wanted from relationships i know that this isnt like, some sort of thing that only neurotypical people can do? being toxic isnt a mental condition. it can be symptomatic of illness or the product of coping mechanisms but that doesnt actually mean you get like, a free pass to slack off being a good person. plus like, identifying where a negative behavior comes from doesnt excuse or justify it, like it mostly just means youre aware enough of its source to be better equipped to work at it than someone who isnt as aware of their own mindspace.

and like, its absolutely a thing you have to work on? like i mentioned i used to be really bad about this. like high school niko basically required constant interaction + affirmations from anyone i was with and thats not actually something you can expect from another person. and its taken a reeeally long time to figure out why i needed that and to train myself out of some of those bad habits. and i still sometimes slip up and need affirmations and stuff like that but i recognize where its coming from and im able to explain that to someone rather than just sort of putting the onus on them to fix my dependency issues. and thats hard and the whole process is like, a thing that takes years but its kind of important cuz you...cant actually expect that of other people and put that kind of a strain on your relationships. its not good for you or whoever youre with and if you never like, examine your own actions during any of this you never grow out of it and that sucks. anyway, idk why i felt the need to write this post rn but here it is.

[ok to reblog]

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… frankly i missed this ridiculous depressed little man so i’m gna try my hand at playing 2 charas again. the crowd grits their teeth in apprehensive nerves. it’s fine it’s fine it’s all FINE!!!!!!!!! also this is nai btw forgot to say. anyway. ahem. without further adieu.... his intro

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

ok to start w i won’t lie i’ve pasted in an old intro here bc i just hate intros i hate writing them i hate them................. bt it’s fine.......................... lets pretend this is all fresh n sexy n new....... bsically this is jst a disclosure tht this isn’t tht well written bc it’s old n stinky bt we’re all jst having fun here. bye

he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 2/3 months ago nw mayb bt... just some fun lore fr u all

in a new development in terms of sexuality i jst am nt quite sure……. hes always thot he ws straight… fooled around w a 90s hugh grant lookalike once n ws jst a bit like :/ my rocks rnt blasted off? bt who knows wht the future holds… who KNOWS wht the future holds ladies n gentlemen

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… Calm Down Jude. personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b.

he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a bit, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an Independent Boy without a sentimental bone in his body. or so he says. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women. tries to b? a feminist bt sometimes fucks up n offends ppl n is like dam….. my bad fr :/

he has p bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at lockwood doing fine arts. he luvs painting n photography n philosophy n all tht. a pretentious fiend sometimes? maybe_so.gif. he isn’t rly pushy abt it tho n tends to like.... take nothing seriously bt at the same time acts like he is??? like he’s very deadpan in everything he does

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets eating frm a cereal box without care in public. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s That Guy that would die fr morrissey (his vibe not personality bc i hc jude was depressed n shut himself inside all day when he actually found out what a dick he is dfjkfhg) and all that stone roses the smiths etc stuff music wise. HMU FR PLOTS!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right 

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice 

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

[survivormuxloe]

Episode 16: “I’m a petty bitch betta know that” - Scott

FUCK YOU RHYS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I SURVIVED GOAT ASS BITCH IM COMIN FOR THAT FIC WIN SO I CAN TAKE UR GOATY ASS TO THE END AND WIN I FUCKING DESERVE IT THAT WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING OF MY FUCKING LIFE HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT AS ANNA WOULD SAY IM HARDDDDD

Oh boy mo lost firemaking. Oh well. I tried. Not sure there is much hope in me winning, but guess I have to try. Ima be preparing a bomb ass speach, and a decent rites of passage. Not looking hopefully but like fingers crossed.

Also I think I’d make end either way now. Scott wants me in the end probably. Ryan wants me in the end probably. So if so. I get 2nd at the least. But I’m probably winning immunity anyway so ;).

ok its the day after.. n i finished my rop.. hopefully the jury likes it. LOL LIKE I WASNT GUNNA JUST KISS THEIR ARSES FUCK THAT im gunna be honest ab my feelings...

also like. kinda feel bad ab my confessionals last nite ab rhys.. i was a bit. excited. but. its tea. LAMFJBFHBFG

Final immunity is a little stressful. Like it’s the last one to win, if I win this that’s 5 individual wins. Just something more to put on my speech cause I’m gonna need it.

I’m feeling confident I can manage to pull out this win so like yeah I’m gonna have to work and try to win each part of this.

im actually gunna lose this fic which is super annoying bc it means i get 3rd LOL! aLMNFBFG

like memory lane i can win if im not dumb which i am so. winterbells i'll 100% lose like i lost to anna lol. endurance i'll 100% lose bc i'm such a forgetful slut i only lasted 40 mins in canadienne.... slide puzzles are legit my worst nightmare and then the mystery task i looked up from last ssn and it took them 11 mins so if i take more than that i lose... yay!

wow i can't wait to get 3rd place;;;; i feel like scott has gotten into rhys' ear and now i'm not the prime choice to be brought to final 2 grrr. at least thats what it seems like idk. ugh rhys doesnt deserve to make final 2 and it will make for a boring ftc zzzzzz who knows maybe scott or i can pull out an upset. i lowkey think scott would vote me out tho which is ugly and i would 100% be bitter at him idgaf KLFADHSKF

earlier i wasn't really sure what rhys and scott were thinking in regard to who they'll bring to f2, but since then i've talked w both more and i feel like 80% confident both will take me to final 2 so that's cute 8~] i don't think i'm doing well in the final immunity so far so i'm honestly banking on that lol.... as much as I think I'd have better chances against Rhys as the end, I am rooting for Scott to win it and bring me bc that is the ending this season deserves imho. i don't think there'd be a clear cut winner going into it and the ftc would be contentious as fuck... i hope at least lol. Scott def played a really dominant strategic game but def has some iffy relationships with jurors. I played a really purposefully utr game for most of the time but i think it's respectable, although there are some point against me like sitting out of so many challenges, that tie vote with jones voting early being the reason i was saved... but i think i can make a good case despite those faults and i'm honestly excited to show a new me at the live tribal. like i've been nervous as hell every time we had to go to tribal bc calling makes me anxious af, and that was def a contributing factor to me sitting out of the spelling challenge and even the card stacking one. so I'm planning on forming my case around that anxiety, and hopefully the contrast between my ftc performance compared to every live one before that will bank me the jury's respect. kind of like Kristie from AU survivor where she stunned the jury bc all game she had appeared so timid and dumb at tribals. hoping i can channel that energy and pull out the win hehe

so we got 5 and a half ish hours until deadline. uhm. i'm honestly really happy with my scores? like. i feel as if i have a big chance of winning this and that would be SOOOOO fucking good like both of them can smd honestly if they think im giving this chance up and getting 3rd or getting 2nd to ryan... like i love him but hes beyond dumb if he thinks im taking him to the end i cant throw a victory like that lol.

i dont wanna get 2 confident tho bc knowing my ass i'll be crushed if i lose this fic lol like at least if i dont i know ryan wins so it isnt that bad but it should be me!!! im a selfish cunt i need this jsjsjs

i say this after doing endurance for 5 and a half hrs so my brain is a little floopy rn :) forgive me :) aLFMNHFG

uhm ya. rhys can suck my ass as well with his OH IDK WHO I'D PICK!!! like bitch if u pick ryan enjoy a rerun of canadienne only this time ur losing unanimously lol

Honestly im done with Scott. Like stop being rude okay. Like I GET IT. YOU DONT WANT TO BE 3rd!. I GET IT. Like quit it with the "I dont want to wait to be cut", cause honestly, I dont know who im taking, OR IF IVE EVEN WON YET. so like stop it. Like ive been told im gonna loose, stop attacking me, because i essentially chooses who wins.

I think my immunity went good. I did good in all the parts I think.

ok.... time to guilt scott into bringing me to the end lmfao

Dammit I was so close to winning, but in the end from what I’ve heard I’d be the best choice for Scott to take to the end. So fingers crossed. Scott will take me there cause I really want to make the end. Even if I loose. I’m proud of my game and I just want to get as far as I can.

BIG FUN! CUS TONIGHTS THE NIGHT. bitchhh i get to pick who i want in f2 with me!!!

THIS IS SO EXCITING BC I LEGIT HAVE NEVER WON A FIC OR A F3 CHALLENGE BEFORE AND I FUCKING DID THAT!!! I SWERVED THAT VICTORY AND ITS SO FUCKING SATISFYING HOLY FUCKK

NOW IM GUNNA MAKE RHYS SUFFER EVEN THO IK IM PROB PICKING HIM BC HE WAS AN ASSHOLE LAST WEEK :)) IM A PETTY BITCH BETTA KNOW THAT

LIKE RYAN UNDERSTANDS IF I VOTE HIM N HE 100% VOTES ME TO WIN AND I DONT PLAN ON FLOPPING FTC SO :) BYE! UR WINNER IS HERE!

i feel like scott is gonna vote me out and i’m a bit gagged sbdbjsjsjs i really didn’t expect him to slit my throat like dis but. ig he wants to win badly and rhys most likely secures him an easy win so i cant blame him. still sucks though :C i thot we were solid dndjjdjs and ugh i dont wanna join that angry ass jury

ok so i'm still not giving up on tryna convince scott lol. honestly like i've made it this far in the game, no way i'm gonna accept defeat so easily. i don't actually know if it's better for scott to sit next to rhys than me, it probably is but seriously my game isn't amazing and i very well could see scott beating me. i think he's really overestimating how much the jury "hates" him like idk they aren't that petty, if anyone is it might just be michael. but scott really has dominated this game and everyone is aware of it, he should beat either of us.

So, this could be my last confession.

Scott, I don’t know where he was thinking. I thought it was general concensous that I was the one to loose. Yet here I am Scott is still unsure about who to take and it’s an hour 40 untill tribal.

So like this could speak well about my game if Scott worries he can’t beat me. It could also just be him wanting to take his best friend to the end. So yeah. I’m like 50/50 when I thought I should’ve been 99/1 about staying.

I can’t believe I’m here. I have a half chance at winning. That’s if we’re even which were probably not.

This is probably an uphill battle for me, so I have to go hard or I’m going home empty handed. I haven’t lasted this long just to come second. I do think I’ve played a winning game. I think I can make a killer final tribal preformance just to solidify my case. Hopefully this will be the third winner of celestial.

So final tribal happened.

Funny how has mo won that tiebreaker I would’ve lost unanimously. So thanks scott for winning that, and the FIC.

I think this could go either way tbh. However if I win it’s because of Scott’s bad jury management which isn’t the way I wanted to win. I would’ve preferred people to see my game more and respect that but because my moves weren’t big or flashy I have been put down to doing nothing.

it's 2 and a half hours until we find out the winner. am i nervous? absolutely.

do i feel as though i deserve to win? absolutely.

it just keeps ringing in my mind what ryan said in his speech that the jury seemed to root for rhys and be bitter against me. i feel as though my speeches and answers were much better than his and i was able to explain my game so much more clearer so i'm hoping that they reconsider and see that i controlled the game.

if i lose i'll be gracious and nice to rhys because at the end of the day it was my own fault that my jury management was bad but it'll definitely sting because i don't really see that he did much tbh alkfjhfg. i love him but it's tea. especially when he's said that i probably deserve it more. ):

i'm really just hoping for the best at this point! anything can happen and hopefully it'll be in my favour hehe. it's been an incredibly fun season and i wouldn't change it for anything else.

this has been mr scooty toots with his finale confessional, and hopefully mr scooty toots will join the winner and the hall of fame. hehe. will lowkey be awkward if i lose tho!! LOL but oh well alkdjfg

Scott wins in a 8-1 vote!