#Idk next day just a lot of sleeping lol like I think I spent near entire day either taking a nap or trying to take a nap

[whumping-valentine]

🦌 Fawn and Hunter - Part 3 🦌

"Restless Nights"

Content: Paranoid whumpee, fear of being SAed, uhhh idk this is mostly setup for the next chapter which will be much more whumpy.

1,100 words

(Not) continuing on with my part-a-day challenge (to the fullest) but I'll try to get a part out on the regular! Congrats, you now know what I'm like as a content creator! Rule of thumb, if I ever say "I'll try to—" or "I will be—" you can count on me to never deliver!

However, in my own defense, I've been working my job a shit ton recently, and am also working on a 12 book series, and also working on the series for Valentine that I'll be posting here, and drawing a lot, so I'm pretty busy, lol. But as always, excuse my writing quality for this mini series, I just shit these out into Google Docs and then copy and paste them here.

With that said, I humbly bring you all part 3! The next part is where the whump is really gonna start coming through, so stay tuned for that (and the eventual off-the-rails plot I thought of at 3 am while trying to sleep)

       Fawn was in a state of shock, and they knew it, too. They didn’t feel very much besides the anxiety that coursed through their veins. They should be frightened, and feel disgusted. They should be crying, and panicking, and trying to find a way out. Yet all they could do was sit up right on the old dirty mattress, hugging their knees to their chest as they stared into the pitch black darkness of Hunter’s basement.

       Eventually they fell back against the mattress, hands over their chest as their heart beat wildly, yet they felt nothing. Not even tired. Sleep was nowhere near on their mind. All they could think about was their own stupidity. How they managed to walk right into a psychopath’s literal trap. Thoughts of the future wavered through their mind, and none of the scenarios were favorable.

       Were they going to be killed? No, Hunter alluded to it, but said they were too pretty, whatever the hell that means. Was that really the only thing keeping them alive? What if they accidentally piss them off? What if they grow bored of them? But… What do they even want with them in the first place? Something nice to look at? A pretty pet? Where they going to be raped? They didn’t even want to consider the thought.

       Fawn couldn’t hear a single sound other than the sound of their own breathing and heartbeat. They couldn't even see their own hands in front of them. There were no windows, no connections to the outside world. It was sensory deprived hell, and as the minutes ticked away they felt like they were going insane.

       They couldn’t take it anymore, and sat up, slowly getting up to stand on their one good foot. They wobbled and felt weak, but once they got their footing they slowly hopped to where they saw the light string. Reaching out blindly in the darkness, they felt it in their hands, and pulled it. A click rang through the air, and the basement was illuminated, albeit dimly, but they could at least see.

       The basement was full of all kinds of clutter, like tools, weapons, boxes, taxidermied animals, bones, fur rugs, and mounted animal heads. There were a bunch of spiders, cobwebs, and cockroaches scurrying around. Good thing they weren't afraid of bugs. At least they had some company.

       The mattress was torn and covered in blood and dirt. Lots of dried blood, actually. How many others were here before them? How many others spent their last nights on this same, tattered bed? It all felt too surreal. It couldn't be real. This was a horror movie, or a true crime documentary in the making, and they were the next subject. Why them of all people? Life isn't fair.

They began to carefully and quietly sift through the various things Hunter kept down there. Looking through the boxes, opening drawers, peeking behind furniture. Inside a metal cabinet were multiple folders and papers. The papers being....

       ...Missing posters?

First came confusion, then came the wide eyed terror and the sinking of their heart. In shock their shaking hands dropped the papers, and when they got their bearings, picked them back up, examining them.

       There were some from different places, but most of them came from the same nearby town that Fawn had just moved to. They could recall seeing some of them around town, or in newspaper ads. Even conversations with the locals about how people often go missing... The oldest one of the bunch was ten years ago. The most recent was only from 6 months ago.

       Fawn felt sick to their stomach. Asking how many people were here before them was supposed to just be rhetorical.

       Fawn grabbed a knife that was sitting on one of the tables, and turned out the lights. It was old and rusted, but just having a weapon in their hands at least gave them the illusion of safety. They clutched it tightly in both of their hands, sitting on the mattress. They were restless and anxious, with their wide eyes staring towards the door in darkness. They could hear the floorboards creak above them, and they hoped and prayed Hunter wouldn't come back down the stairs.

       Especially if they thought they were asleep.

       Though much like Fawn, Hunter wasn't able to rest their eyes, either. However, while Fawn's may have been from fear, Hunter was far too excited. They tossed and turned, but all they could think about was their latest victim. When they remembered they had a bag with them that they removed, they jumped out of bed immediately.

       Moonlight was shining through the trees, seeping into the decrepit cabin through cracked and boarded up windows. Hunter went to the kitchen and picked Fawn's bag up off of the floor, curious to rummage through their things.

       It was filled with snacks and water bottles. There was a change of clothes, a pocket knife, a book on plant identification, binoculars, and finally, they hit the jackpot. A phone with no passcode! Just who was their little Fawn, really?

       Their lockscreen was a photo of two cats cuddling, looking like they took it themself at a shelter. Much to Hunter's dismay, it didn't seem like they had any social medias, but they did have lots of things in their gallery!… though they were mostly just photos of animals. They couldn't find a real name or anything that was truly personal.

       It wouldn't matter much even if they did have socials, because there was no signal out here. It wouldn't connect to the internet. Maybe they had something in their calendar?... no, nothing. No birthdays or events, except for some things relating to the Animal shelter. 

       Their phone was so void of anything that it was almost frustrating. Either they didn't use technology much, or they had absolutely nothing going on in their life besides their volunteer work. I mean, they didn't even have a passcode, Hunter was disappointed, to say the least.

      A weak knock coming from the basement door startled them out of their dissatisfaction.

      "Uhh… Hunter?" A meek, muffled voice called.

      "What?"

       "I… have to pee."

      "Okay."

      "I need a bathroom."

       "No you don't. You have a change of clothes right here, you can change in the morning."

       "What?!" Fawn was appalled, "But—"

       "You should be happy you're alive and shut up. Piss on the floor and go to bed."

       "But—"

       "Piss on the floor and go to bed." Hunter repeated, much more stern. It was silent for a moment before quiet thumps could be heard limping down the stairs. Poor injured thing.

       Hunter had a feeling this recent capture was going to be quite an interesting one. They listen well enough, but don't seem to really grasp the situation they've found themself in. It wasn't a worry, that just meant training them was going to be all the more enjoyable.

       Hunter smiled.

       They were going to have fun tomorrow.

[wonjinburger]

writing prompt #04

bumping into each other as solo travelers ; park sunghoon

태양보다 찬란한 . . . 그게 바로 나

INFO : : park sunghoon x reader / romcom

wc : <1600

notes : this was lowkey rushed bcs i had an idea at 12am but i had to go sleep but i couldn't risk losing the idea

20 JANUARY 2023 : :

2:04 - it's currently 2am and i've just landed in paris, and i'm now heading to my hotel room to take a long ass nap.

13:12 - jk the nap lasted from around 11 hours. now it's 1pm and i'm going to go out for lunch. i've heard a lot of good word about a specific cafe so i'm gonna go try it out!

13:37 - the weirdest things just happened what the fuck? i bumped into this guy, who was really hot btw, by accident. obviously i apologized for it like a normal person but he just scoffed at me and left?? thanks for that random stranger.

23 JANUARY 2023 : :

12:02 - i just had a quick snack and i'm currently on the train to versailles, i wanted to have a quick look at all the beautiful architecture. i find versailles to be such a romantic and beautiful place lol

12:28 - i've arrived at versailles! i have a tour booked for today at 1pm, so i guess i'll walk around versailles for now.

13:13 - no fucking way, the guy i bumped into a few days ago is here too, like, in the same tour group as me. i said hi and he basically looked at me weird and left me standing. thank god idk this guy and i'll never see him again, he seems like an ass.

14 APRIL 2023 : :

10:16 - hi journal, today i'm in the netherlands, i heard about the keukenhof tulip garden and of course i had to come here. i just had breakfast at the hotel i'm staying in and i'm about to head out to the garden to see all the pretty flowers!

11:11 - THE GARDEN IS SO PRETTY OMG BUT THAT EXPERIENCE WAS LOWKEY RUINED. by who you may ask? by FUCKING FRANCE DUDE?? WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE???? like i was taking photos of the pretty flowers and boom, suddenly i see him through the lens of my camera, please get this guy out of my life

11 MAY 2023 : :

00:01 - i have finally done one of the things off my bucket list, and that is to visit switzerland! i always saw tiktoks and photos of the amazing view and obviously i had to come see for myself, but it's 12am rn and i am really tired so i'm gonna go sleep, then i'll explore in the morning

11:42 - okay i woke up a few minutes ago which is quite late, but i'm gonna go down to the hotel's cafeteria and have some brunch before i explore the town

4:51 - hi this isn't funny anymore, i literally just set foot into an eatery near one of the places i was visiting and i see france dude, AGAIN. can he just get out of my life atp please, i'm so sick of seeing his annoying (but ig good-looking) face. AND WHY IS THE ONLY AVAILABLE SEAT LIKE NEXT TO HIS TABLE???

-- (☆)

i'm going back home to korea today, i think i've been travelling way too much, so i'm going to go home and rest up and spend time with my family and some friends.

i boarded the plane and by that point it was 11pm and i was honestly drained. i spent a whole day exploring the more nature-y side of switzerland and the view definitely did not disappoint.

i sat myself down in my assigned seat and was so ready to fall asleep at this point. a guy walked over and sat next to me, and i bet you won't be able to figure out who was gonna be my plane seatmate for almost 12 hours. yeah it was france guy. he seemed pretty surprised to see me too i think.

after he sat himself down next to me, he looked at me, maybe i was staring too hard.. "hey" i looked at him, question marks practically all over my forehead. "can you stop staring at me" i scoffed at him, this guy is ridiculous!

the plane took off a few minutes later and i was starting to doze off, and unfortunately for me i left my neck pillow in my luggage by accident, so my head was dropping left and right.

i suddenly woke up and it felt like i was lying against something? i sat upright to see what i had been sleeping on, and it was france dude? he woke up when he felt me getting up. "you're finally up, my shoulder feels like it's about to dislocate"

'okay sorry for accidentally sleeping on your shoulder but like, rude much'

"oh shit, i'm so sorry. i left my neck pillow in my luggage and i think i just passed out suddenly" he scoffed and i was so close to losing my shit not gonna lie. but the next moment, he handed me his neck pillow and i looked at him while holding the neck pillow. "just use it, i'd rather you use my stuff than you use me" damn okay stranger. "oh, thanks?" and soon he attempted to go back to sleep.

it was currently 8:59am, which meant we still had probably less than 2 hours left of this plane ride, and i was thanking heavens because 12 hours next to this guy would've been hell if i weren't fast asleep.

france guy was moving around in his seat and i assumed he couldn't fall back asleep. i tapped on his shoulders a little to get his attention "hey, you can have your neck pillow back, seems like you can't sleep, and i'm pretty energized right now" he looked at me and sighed "it's fine, i'll just give up on going back to sleep".

after that it was pure silence. and i couldn't stand it so of course i had to open my big ass mouth.

"so.. you travel a lot?" he nodded his gaze fixed on his phone. "alone?" he nodded again still focusing on his screen. damn talking to this guy is so hard. let's bring up the past! "you remember the first time we met?" he finally looked at me. "we've met?" are you fucking serious right now.

"i bumped into you on accident in paris back in january?" he thought about it for a second before replying. "oh! i remember now, you bumped into me and almost spilt your hot coffee all over me" "hey! it almost spilt on me too okay, and i apologized for it" he shrugged it off and went back on his phone.

"you know, i kept seeing you around while i was travelling and at some point i thought you were stalking me" he looked back at me again, his eyebrows furrowed this time. "what the fuck why would i stalk you, i don't even know you?" "it happens sometimes" "hey, for all i know you could be the one stalking me right now" i was taken aback, speechless, i can't handle this guy oh my god.

"you know, your looks and personality clash a lot" he gave me a look that said 'wtf do you mean'. "you're a good-looking guy, like, i'd definitely date you if your personality was nicer" he stared at me for a while and chuckled a little. "for your information i have a great personality" "it sure doesn't seem that way" he scoffed and put his phone down before looking me in the eyes.

"i'm nice to people i'm close to, last i checked, we don't even know each other." "maybe we can change that" he looked shocked by what i said. honestly i'm shocked too, but i mean, he's pretty hot, it would be a wasted chance.

"you want us to get close?" i nodded. "you're ridiculous lady" i rested my head in the palm of my hands as i kept eye contact with him "it's y/n, lee y/n. and you are?" he looked at me in disbelief for a while. "i can't believe this is happening." he let out a deep and heavy sigh before introducing himself. "i'm park sunghoon."

"nice to meet you sunghoon. oh, i was gonna ask if you were korean, but your name just confirmed it for me" "are you heading home right now?" i nodded to his question. "homesick?" he asked, and i nodded. it seemed like he was feeling homesick too. "maybe we should hangout sometime while we're in korea" i blurted out suddenly, to my surprise he didn't oppose of this idea.

i then pushed my phone towards him, "can i have your number then?" he looked at my phone, then at me. "are you hitting on me?" i don't know, was i? i mean, i am interested in him, so i guess? "yeah i am, so what do you say, can i have your number? and maybe we can go out sometime and maybe even travel together?" he stared at me in shock, but his reply lowkey shocked me too.

"sure, let's go on a date soon"

[angstyaches]

my fatal flaw is loving fluff more than whump, but i love whumpy nightmare scenarios…? so…what about charlie having a bad nightmare again, either due to being sick or resulting in getting sick, and being so distressed that he has to call shayne? the reverse scenario (shayne calling charlie) would also be so good but i feel like he’d be more hesitant to do that 🤧 i’m imagining lots of shaking and shaky breathing and self-loathing remedied just a little with some physical comfort? like being held idk. ANYWAY this is my request hehe

I spent ages trying to figure out a scenario where Charlie could call Shayne and Shayne could actually get to him, but when they’re apart, it’s hard for Shayne to spontaneously decide to go to Charlie’s. I could have swapped Shayne in for the sickie but I wanted to do Charlie. Sooo, the comfort is mostly verbal, although Charlie recalls physical comfort from the past. I'm sorry if it's not what you had in mind! Feel free to request more nightmare whump anytime, because I adore it.

The events of this fic are referenced (sorry for the first-person POV lol I was trying something out when I started this blog)

CW: nightmare, emeto, crying, anxiety, brief referenced past violence and blood.

___

It was the middle of the night, and the only thing Charlie could hear was the sound of the toilet tank refilling. That, and the tiny gasps that escaped him every now and then as he tried to catch his breath.

His stomach muscles were practically on fire from clenching, and he was still getting his breath back as he leaned against the side of the bath and held his phone to his ear.

The light bounced against the tiles and burned his eyes, but it was better than the dark. The dark had sprouted wings in his dream, along with a set of claws.

Charlie gasped and shook his head, burying it quickly between his knees and trying to get the image out of his head. His spine felt like his skin was crawling all over it.

“Charlie?”

His heart felt like it was going to slip up his throat at the sound of Shayne’s voice on the phone. He had to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop himself from whimpering with sheer relief. He hadn’t quite acknowledged it, but part of him had been terrified that Shayne wouldn’t answer the phone at all.

He’s okay…

“H-hey.” Charlie cringed at how badly his voice was shaking, and it echoed against the empty bathroom shelves just like his retching and coughing had done a few minutes ago. “I’m – I’m sorry.”

“Hmm? What’re you sorry for?” Shayne mumbled on the other end of the phone.

“You were probably sleeping, I – I just…” Charlie rubbed at his eyes, desperate to get them dry. Nausea was still trickling lightly through his stomach, and he wondered if he’d have to rush back to the toilet bowl sometime soon.

“What’s wrong, what happened?”

“I got sick…” Charlie pulled his legs up to his chest, resting his forehead against his bare knees. His voice almost disappeared completely down his throat. “I… don’t feel well.”

“Shit. I thought you were finished with all that.”

It took Charlie a moment to realise that Shayne was referring to the food poisoning Charlie had accidentally given himself (and Rin) the day before yesterday.

He swallowed thickly, pulling a face at the memory. He’d felt so much better before going to bed; in fact, he’d been starving, his body feeling hollow and achy after purging itself for a day and a half. He’d cooked an entire bag of chicken nuggets from the freezer, made himself four slices of toast, finished off a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, and had gone to bed feeling blissfully better.

He struggled to find a way to gently tell Shayne that the problem that had woken him at 4am had less to do with his stomach and more to do with his brain.

Although the amount of heavy food in his belly admittedly may have contributed somewhat.

“Charlie, you okay?”

He started a bit, realising he hadn’t replied in a while. “I’m – no. Not really,” he whispered, a sharp sob jerking his ribs and scraping at his throat.

“Put me on the, um, the video thing.”

The phone jingled beside Charlie’s ear, telling him that Shayne was requesting a video call. Charlie made an attempt to clean his face off with his pyjama top before accepting it, propping the bottom of his phone against his knee.

“You know, you sound sixty when you call it ‘the video thing’,” he said, trying to sound upbeat.

“Really?” Shayne narrowed his eyes into a glare as soon as he appeared on Charlie’s screen. “Would you say that to my face if it was actually this close to you?”

Charlie managed a weak smile. Some of the tension bled out of him just at the sight of his boyfriend and his sleepy brown eyes. His chin wobbled uncontrollably as emotions swelled in his belly and chest. “I wish it was this close to me.”

“Yeah. Me, too.” Shayne folded one arm behind his head and leaned back against his pillow. His room was mostly dark, but he seemed to be lying on his back. “Wait, are you real-crying? Not just throwing-up-crying?”

Charlie sighed shakily, rushing to rub away the tears that had sneaked up on him. He felt his lips quiver as he tried to keep the smile from turning into a grimace.

“Did you have a bad dream?”

Charlie gulped and nodded. “How could you tell?”

“Give me some credit. I feel like I know you pretty well by now.”

Charlie’s eyes were drawn towards the shrunken image of himself in the top-right corner of the screen, and tried to hold back even more tears. In his own – admittedly warped – opinion, he looked about as disgusting as he felt. He hated that he felt trapped in front of the camera, forcing Shayne to look at him in this state.

“Charlie,” Shayne murmured, his eyes softening in the light of his bedside lamp. “Talk to me, yeah?”

“They’re get – they’re getting worse,” Charlie breathed, burying his face in one hand. It felt a little silly to keep his phone held steady in the other, camera trained on himself even as he covered his eyes and wept, but he didn’t want to cast Shayne aside either. He peered out over the top of his hand, still covering his mouth to try to keep the volume under control.

“I know, but they’re just dreams, remember? They’re not real.”

A gag pulled at Charlie’s throat and he had to shut his eyes. But it was real…

“Deep breaths,” Shayne said, his tone in complete contrast to Charlie’s sobs. “You want to count back from ten with me? Sometimes I need some help. I can get to nine, and then I just get confused.”

Charlie almost laughed through the tears. He wondered if he should have been insulted by Shayne’s attempt to use Charlie’s own method on him. He decided to humour him though, rasping out numbers while thinking that it would never work because he was thinking too hard about it, but by the time they got to zero, he was able to take a breath without his chest hitching.

Shayne said nothing for a few seconds, watching to see what Charlie would do next. He frowned when Charlie shuddered harshly, making the picture wobble.

“You cold?”

Charlie nodded.

“Then go get into bed, idiot.”

He did his best to keep his phone elevated as he walked, but in his exhausted state, Charlie probably gave Shayne a prime view of the stubble under his chin as he made his way back to bed. He shakily propped his phone on the nightstand, next to Vincent the teddy bear, and went to grab a fresh t-shirt from the drawer. He’d sweat through the one he’d fallen asleep in, ruining it even before it had vomit and tears on it.

He finally crawled into bed, his stomach letting out a hollow, unhappy groan as it settled into the new position. Charlie groaned too, reaching out to take his phone in his hand again. He hated how the bedside light made his face look haggard and washed-out.

“All good?” Shayne asked.

“All good,” Charlie slurred, his eyes drooping already. “I miss you, though.”

“I miss you too, love.”

Charlie pulled his blanket tightly around himself, keeping one arm outstretched with his phone so that he and Shayne could still see one another. His sheets had cooled down a lot since he’d flung himself out from between them earlier, and after crouching on the tiles for so long, it was nice to be surrounded by something soft and pleasant.

Shayne tilted his head slightly as they both lay in silence for a moment, just looking into each other’s eyes through their cameras. “How’s the nausea?”

“A little better,” Charlie sighed. “My tummy just kind of hurts.”

Shayne clicked his tongue. “Fuck. I wish I was there with you right now.”

“No.” Although his chest panged with longing for the same thing, Charlie shook his head. “You’re better – you’re safer there, and I don’t –”

The whoosh of dark, leathery wings in the night and the splatter across the hardwood flashed in Charlie’s memory. In the dream, the blood had been Shayne’s; Charlie had watched as Watson had torn his heart right out of his chest before dragging the rest of him away into the sky.

In reality, the blood had been mostly Charlie’s; he’d cut his hands on the broken glass left behind by Watson’s exit through the window.

“Lately, I just…” Charlie swallowed sickly. “I can’t stop thinking about that – that night, remember? When Watson came to my room to find you?”

Shayne fell silent for a moment, seemed to shift position slightly. “Mmhmm.”

“I was dreaming about – about that, but… worse.”

“He won’t come for you,” Shayne said. He seemed like he was gritting his teeth. “If he or Madelyn even try to get near that house, they’ll –”

“I know.” Charlie chewed the inside of his lip. He ducked his face below the blanket and quickly dabbed at fresh tears that were starting to form. “But I was so… I was so useless, Shayne, I knew I could have stopped him, but I didn’t, I was frozen solid, I –”

“Ssshhh…” Shayne whispered, the sound crackling gently through the phone’s speaker. “Charlie, love, come out.”

Teeth chattering in his head, Charlie sniffled from under the blanket.

“Please, I want to see you.”

When he crinkled the blanket into his fingers and revealed just the top half of his face to the camera again, Charlie wished he hadn’t gone into detail about the dream at all. Not only did he look like a mess, now he sounded like one, too. He felt himself blush when Shayne’s eyes lit up on the screen, realising Charlie had come out from behind the blanket.

“You know what I think of when I think of that night?”

Charlie swallowed thickly, shaking his head.

“I think about the way you let me fall asleep on your bed, even though I was being an asshole to you.”

He couldn’t help nuzzling his head against the pillow where Shayne’s head had been that night, while Charlie had sat lengthways with Shayne’s legs across his lap. He’d had crazy butterflies in his stomach, barely able to believe that his crush had shown up in the middle of the night, unconsciously looking for comfort from him.

“It was the first night we fell asleep together, too,” Shayne said.

Without realising it, Charlie had slid one hand around the side of his own neck, fingers running lightly through the hair at the back of his head. Shayne had never touched him before that night either, but he’d ran his fingers through his hair as though he’d been doing it for years. Light shivers of pleasure trickled over Charlie’s skin. The panicked pounding in his chest was starting to slow. “That’s true...”

“You’re anything but useless,” Shayne murmured, turning onto his side and adjusting the angle of his phone. His eyes were starting to close. “I think that’s what my point was. I forgot.”

Charlie gave a light, breathy laugh which was cut off by a deep yawn. He hid his face from the camera again, to avoid giving Shayne a view of his tonsils this time. By the time he looked at the screen again, Shayne was struggling to keep his eyes open, but neither of them said anything.

They never found out whose phone dropped out of whose hand first.

[stargaze-issei]

— 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤, 𝐛𝐨 !

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; catching feelings as fuck buddies with bokuto.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; suggestive themes.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; idk lol

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1470

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; this is more a word dump and i'm not sure if it makes sense bc i wrote this in class. anyways, bokuto brainrot 😌

a glance across his bed sheets was enough to delight your sight with bokuto’s broad back, you could hear his deep breath and imagine his strong chest going up and down, just to let yourself drown in the peace of a morning after. the chances of spending a night with him were high, but mornings were a different matter. his figure always laid by your side for a few minutes, both trying to catch your breath back. such an intimate touch you shared minutes ago only for him to avoid your skin now. once koutaro rested enough, he usually got up, dressed while talking about a random topic, never addressing to your close encounters and kissed your head goodbye before leaving your house. that’s what you agreed to, although it always hurt to see how easy it was for him.

he turned around, still completely asleep, his hands searching for you in bed. you thought, he searched for you, you hoped. there’s no harm in dreaming, you would say to yourself, unless those fantasies involved a future with someone who, in reality, didn’t want you. not the way you did. 

“did i wake you?” his voice was raspier than usual, despite being almost whispering it made you jump on your place. “was i snoring?” bokuto’s arm found its way to wrap you in a hug, bringing you closer to him. your heart started to race at the sudden touch, he wasn’t entirely naked anymore, and it wasn’t the first nor the last time you touched his bare chest, but sex couldn’t compare with feeling his strong arms pulling you in, his warm chest providing you of the needed hot, feeling his breath on your neck. 

“uh, no, i woke up a while ago” you answered. although you barely got any sleep, to be near kou was enough to keep you in your tiptoes through the whole night.

“are you hungry? i think i have some leftovers from dinner” 

“we’re having breakfast? i thought—” a sleepy chuckled abandoned his throat at your comment, interrupting you. he, again, accommodated himself in bed, taking distance from you as before.

“before all this, the sex i mean, we used to hang out a lot” bokuto reminds you teasingly, rubbing his eyes in order to wake up. “let’s go, we’re eating, take one of my shirts, you know where everything is” as his usual self, a stroke of energy hit him out of nowhere, making him jump outside of bed. 

you sat, looking straight at him. the only piece of clothing he had on was his underwear, his hair was down and some scratches were left on his back. he walked towards the window to open the curtain and let the morning sun in, a wide smile planted on his face, contagiously making you smile too. what bokuto said before kept wondering in your mind, the time before your agreement, when he was just your friend, when that bubbly feeling in your stomach at the sight of him didn’t exist.

“come on, get up!” he bugged you, throwing one of his shirts to you. you smiled at his playfulness, a trait you hadn’t seen in a long time. your meetings slowly became less friendly and more focused on other subjects. before, you would know what he was stressing about and what he wanted to do for the weekend, now, instead, you knew that if you kissed the crook of his neck, a soft moan came out unpurposely of his mouth, or that his eyes rolled up and his mouth half opened when you caressed his inner thighs. 

with a sigh, you pushed yourself out of bed, putting the given shirt above your shoulders. despite the subtle smell of soap, a hint of bokuto’s characteristic mint scent was still perceptible, provoking your head to go a little dizzy. you walked outside the room, following bokuto to the kitchen, where he was already preparing the scrambled eggs.

“i thought we were having leftovers.” you joked, sitting close to him to admire his morning face. it never failed to amaze you how effortlessly beautiful koutaro could be.

“we haven’t actually spent time together in a while, our reunion deserves more than leftovers.” his words were accompanied by a wink. you knew anything he said had no secret meaning, he was just blatantly showing his character, his nice, charming character, captivating everyone around him, including you. his acts had no malice hidden in them, you were aware of that, bokuto was just one of those people.

“what do you mean? we saw each other like a week ago” you knew what he meant, you knew it better than him, but playing dumb was the only way you had to hide your true feelings.

as you ate, he told you all about his practice with the black jackals, his new teammates, how amazing they were and how excited he was to play in a professional team. he had been beyond busy, promoting the team and himself, hence to why he barely had time to reach to you or anyone outside his volleyball world. he talked about hinata, his so called apprentice, his new setter “nowhere better than akaashi'', and the second best hitter of his team, behind him. hours went by as both of you told stories and laughed over them, bonding like you did when you first met. for a moment, you thought maybe your love wasn’t as one sided as you thought, his smiles, his glowing eyes, his hugs and jokes, could easily point at that wished situation, where you could openly fall in love with him and not being just a sex compannion for the day. 

“yeah, i know, but– we didn’t exactly speak” bokuto seemed oddly comfortable in the kitchen, talking and looking for anything he needed. he kneeled in front of a cabinet, took out a wooden plank, and then placed the pan above it, in front of you. “voilá” he grinned.

the sun wasn’t up in the sky anymore, sunset lights painted the whole of bokuto’s living room, including the coach where you both sat. his arm was across your shoulders, your head rested on his chest, and his loose hand played with your head. you could've swore that was your place in the world, always beside him, the ray of hope of having a reciprocate love with bokuto koutaro made you feel like floating. his lips searched your head before taking away his hug and getting up from the couch.

“it’s getting late, i’ll drive you home.” he offered, a soft gesture forming in his face. you accepted, any excuse to be around him for a few more minutes was enough for you.

the drive to your place was quiet, he seemed focused on the roads so he didn’t notice your constant staring, or so you thought. bokuto wasn’t as clueless as everyone thought, he paid attention to details and made pretty accurate conclusions, that he decided to keep them to himself was something else. he had an idea of what was behind your staring, your longing touch, your sad glances everytime he left you in bed. he had already figured out what was going on on your mind, and he would be a liar if he said he hadn’t questioned himself in those exact situations. he felt different when he was with you, since the beginning, even before your pact, you were always special to bokuto. but he knew, in the bottom of his heart, he knew he couldn’t profess his somewhat feelings for you. first, because he had no time for anything besides his career, and he was sure you deserved someone who devoted their heart to you as much as you did for them. second, he didn’t have the heart to tell you he knew all along. you were his friend, his most precious friend, and break your heart was not a thing he could bear. 

bokuto parked outside your door, shooting a quick glance at you before unlocking the door. you looked at him, searching for a sign that gave him off. unlucky for you, bokuto was set on keeping his things to himself, convinced that he was doing the right thing to keep you unharmed. a sigh left your mouth before opening your door.

“i guess i’ll see you later, bo” a hint of sadness was in your voice, but bokuto couldn’t bring himself to do anything but say goodbye.

“sure, i’ll call you next weekend to our regular appointment” accompanied with a wink on his face.

you got off, trying to hold back the tears gathering in your eyes. if you had looked back, you would’ve seen bokuto’s heart breaking as he watched you walk away from him. 

maybe i was making it all up.

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

yoo, okay this is a bit of an angsty request but i NEED this !! essentially, the reader loves midoriya (or anyone of your choosing, really) yet its unrequited ^^ maybe a popular ship or smth is real in ur writing, like tododeku and reader is all "oh heckles, midoriya doesn't love me" and just,, sad stuff ?? maybe even a hanahaki disease au if you'd like!!! i want it as a n g s t y as possible with no happy ending jksdhgjdsghjdsjgk thank you sm ily

Of course I had to take the chance to write a hanahaki au - idk if this is angsty enough - im bad at angst lol, but here ya go anon

No - this couldn’t be happening. You didn’t love him, you couldn’t. But - the bloody flower petal in your hand spoke otherwise. You felt the world spiraling around you, yet you were frozen. 

Midoriya Izuku - your best friend who had stolen your heart and given his to another. Of course, there was no chance of Izuku returning your love, he was dating Shouto. You remember the excitement in his eyes when he first told you they were together - and the excitement you had reciprocated for your friend. If only you knew the suffering you would later go through because of him.

Of course, there is no knowing whether Izuku would have loved you if he wasn’t with Shouto - but it seemed the possibility was nonexistent at this point. So, you had 3 choices. You could muster up the money for surgery and lose all your feelings for Izuku, get lucky and make yourself fall out of love with him, or die. And right now, you desperately hoped you were lucky.

Quickly grabbing your phone off of its nightstand, you opened your messages, sighing softly at Izuku’s contact near the top of your messages, and found Momo. She’s vice class rep - so she’s probably the best person to ask to get your homework without getting scolded, and you texted her “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to school tomorrow Momo, I’m feeling pretty sick. Could you tell me the homework so I don’t fall behind?”

It was late, so you didn’t expect a reply. But you didn’t need one - you weren’t going to school. If you weren’t around Izuku, maybe you would forget about your feelings for him and be cured. You were hoping, anyways.

You woke up the next day late in the afternoon - it’s not often you get to stay home from school -  to a text from Momo, saying “Oh no! I hope you feel better, I’ll send you the notes and homework after school. Get some rest!” You smiled at her kindness and laid back on your bed. But then, you noticed the other messages in your notifications. A few on the groupchat, with little “get betters” - which you were expecting. This class treats itself like a family, people are gonna worry if you’re sick. There were also more personal messages from Eijirou, Tenya, and - Shouto and Izuku. 

Shouto had also become a close friend of yours in the time you’ve known him, the two of you always being around Izuku allowed you to develop a bond yourself. So it was no surprise that he texted you, but all you felt was anger towards his “How are you feeling? Do you want me to bring you some soba? I’ll even warm it up for you.” There was a small twinge of guilt in your stomach, he obviously didn’t deserve your anger, but you couldn’t even spare him a response.

Then Izuku - how were you supposed to forget about your feelings when he was constantly so perfect? You found yourself smiling at his message, a “Good morning y/n! I hope you’re feeling better today! I’ll come by and check on you after I finish my homework :)” Sitting up, you went to respond - but you were interrupted by a sharp pain in your throat before you began coughing, and you covered your mouth with your hands only to feel the light touch of petals fall into them.

There were more than last night.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at your hands once again. It hadn’t even been a full day, but already the flowers were growing rapidly. With shaky hands, you shook off the petals and returned your phone, quickly messaging “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. You don’t need to come by either, I don’t want you getting sick and I’ll probably be sleeping.” 

The seriousness of your situation finally set in - last night you hadn’t seemed to fully grasp that if you didn’t do something to stop this, you would literally die. A few choked sobs escaped your lips, and you winced in pain. 

You roughly fell back down onto the bed - frantically wondering what to do. Would Recovery Girl be able to cure you? Would the disease go away if you just forgot about Izuku? You grabbed your phone and started searching for answers. Articles upon articles on the disease, talking about what the misfortunate people who contract it can do to save themselves. 

What you found was disappointing - there are no accounts of people being able to overcome the disease on their own, and always had to resort to surgery or death. You didn’t have the money for surgery, and you didn’t want to bring your friends into this and ask for help - but you didn’t want to die.

“What am I gonna do…” You threw your phone onto the bed and put your hands over your face, holding back your tears. As much as you simply wanted to avoid Izuku until you didn’t love him anymore, it was impossible. Sweet Izuku, who deems it his responsibility to be the most caring person on earth, would be devastated if you were to suddenly cut off ties with him. Besides, how could you when you were forced to see him everyday at school regardless. There was only so long you could feign being sick - you doubted the school wouldn’t do anything to help you. 

The rest of the week was spent in the comfort of your own room - you had managed to convince your friends that you were too sick for school, and for anyone to visit. Researching options had been your top priority, mainly what the surgery entails, but everything you found made you less and less optimistic. 

The surgery costs thousands of dollars, money that no average high school student would have - meaning unless you were to ask for help there would be no way to get the surgery in the first place. And even if you could, there were no certain results. With how rare Hanahaki is, there aren’t enough accounts of successful operations to rely on. Well - they all worked, those who got the surgery were alive. But some had results more drastic than others.

From the result you were hoping for - being you would simply lose feelings for Izuku and live on - to people who had completely forgotten about the person they loved all together. As much as you didn’t want to die, how would you live on without remembering Izuku? Your best friend. He’s been there for you through so much, the thought of living on without him was terrifying.

Yet, everyday you were reminded with the inevitable coming of your death. The itching in your lungs grew everyday, as did the amount of petals you were coughing out. It wouldn’t be long until your lungs were full of flowers - and you suffocated. 

----

“Y/n! Are you feeling better?” Eijirou smiled brightly at you as you walked into the classroom, and you returned a soft smile before sitting in your desk. “I guess.” All you could do was be optimistic, at least in front of your friends. After a week of practically being MIA, you decided you wouldn’t worry them anymore. Besides, if you waited any longer, you’d probably wake up to Katsuki blowing down your door with 15 people behind him. 

Everything was as normal, you talked with Denki and Mina as you waited for class to start, Katsu gave you a “look who finally decided to show up,” - which you knew meant he was glad you were okay - and you even managed to be happy when Izuku ran in and gave you a hug. Your smile strained when Shouto said hi to you however, both because you felt bad for having ignored his texts all week, and because you just didn’t want to be around him. At least not yet. 

Aizawa soon walked into class, and everyone hurried to their seats so that class could start. It wasn’t anything special today - just some more basic hero instruction, and you were happy that you could take it easy as to hopefully not trigger your coughing. You’d be able to tell him about it after class - maybe he could find a way to let you stay out of school until you figured this out.

Still - class was especially long today. Having not been present for a few days seemingly made the period feel much longer than it truly was. And just as luck would have it, an itch began to grow in the back of your throat, and you panicked. You didn’t want anyone else knowing - you didn’t want that kind of attention on you. To be the poor soul of 1A who might die 

You raised your hand, wanting to use the restroom as an excuse to get out of there.

“Yes, y/l/n?”

“Can I-”

Speaking apparently only made it worse, and before you could even finish your sentence you hunched over - beginning to cough up a multitude of flower petals. However, this time was a lot worse than the previous ones, your coughing not letting up until you were choking on petals - likely due to your forcing yourself not to cough for so long. Petals were overflowing from your hands as you attempted to cover your mouth, falling onto your desk and down to the ground. 

Everyone’s attention had already been on you, and with the surprised expression on Aizawa’s face as he ran over to you - they all saw the dark red blood dripping out of your hands and the soft pink petals blanketing your desk. Your attempt at hiding your sickness had only pushed it forward, and now there was nothing you could do. 

Aizawa rubbed your back until you calmed down, and you looked up from your hands to the horrified looks on your friends’ faces. Your face was covered in blood and tears - you looked a mess. 

“Let’s get you to Recovery Girl, okay? Can you stand?”

You nodded, but Aizawa still made sure to hold onto your arm just in case. The room was silent as he led you out, all eyes stuck on you. As you looked back - you were met with the wide eyes of Izuku, and you quickly looked away.

Aizawa had left right after dropping you off at Recovery Girl’s, ruffling your hair a bit and giving you a soft smile in an attempt to cheer you up. 

“Hanahaki disease… I don’t think I’ve ever seen this personally. I can’t promise I’ll be able to help you, but we can try.”

You sat on one of the beds as she walked around the room, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before bringing it over to you. 

“You probably want to wash all the blood off.”

As you slowly rubbed the washcloth over your mouth, Recovery Girl grabbed your hand and kissed it. Normally, you’d immediately feel better. But other than the scratchy feeling in your throat - nothing changed. You could still feel the slowly growing flowers filling your lungs, they hadn’t gone away.

“How do you feel?”

“The flowers are still there… I can feel them.”

Recovery Girl sighed, “What about your throat? I’m sure all that coughing must have hurt - does your throat feel better?”

Nodding slowly, you felt tears forming in your eyes. So she couldn’t heal you.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve tried all I can. All I can do is heal the physical damage - but no matter what I do, the flowers will keep growing. And if they keep increasing their growth at this rate, soon that won’t even be enough.” 

With all the luck you’ve been having lately, it wasn’t surprising that this was the outcome. But that didn’t mean you weren’t disappointed. Before you could let your emotions overcome you and start crying in front of her, you jumped off the bed and began making your way out. 

“Oh - I understand… thanks anyways.”

With a forced smile to Recovery Girl - who’s worried expression only served to make you feel worse -  you trudged out of her office and into the long hallway. 

“Y/n! Wait up! What happened?”

Izuku chased you down the hall as you left Recovery Girl’s office, a hopeful smile on his face. Apparently he had made his way down there as soon as class ended, wanting to make sure that you were okay. That smile disappeared as he saw your face, contorted in distress as a few tears escaped your eyes. “She wasn’t able to help you, was she?”

He took your silence as a no, but still tried to be optimistic, “Well, there has to be something we can do!”

With all the pain you were in, you’d think that your main worry would be yourself. But no - that hopeless look on Izuku’s face was where your worry had settled. He obviously felt that it was his duty to help you, even if there was nothing he could do.

“There’s surgery, and there’s dying.”

Izuku’s eyes glossed over and he grabbed your wrist, pulling you close.

“You gotta get the surgery y/n! Please - I don’t want you to die.”

If only he knew what he was asking of you. Would he tell you to get the surgery even if he knew he was the one you loved? Would he let you risk forgetting about him - and all the memories you had formed together?

“I don’t have that kind of money, Izuku. And I’m not going to bother anyone with my problem.”

His frown deepened, and his eyes shot around the floor as if he was looking for an answer, “But - I’m sure everyone would help out-”

“No - Izuku. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it, please. It’s not your problem, it’s mine. Let me figure this out on my own.”

With your words, his grip on your wrist loosened in shock, and you used that as an opportunity to pull your hand away. 

“I’ll be fine Izuku, what ever happens, just let me figure it out.”

You left him standing there, worried and hurt as you ran back to your dorm room - just wanting to be alone to process the events of today.

----

A constant knocking at your door drew you awake. As soon as you arrived in your dorm, you found yourself especially drained of energy, and quickly fell asleep. You desperately wanted to just ignore the thumping, but whoever it was wasn’t going to let up, so you sighed and slowly sat up and made your way to the door.

“Shouto? What’s up?”

When you opened the door, you were surprised to see Shouto standing there. He asked if he could come in, and you reluctantly agreed. As soon as you closed the door, he started talking.

“Izuku told me about what happened. Are you really planning on doing this yourself?”

It was hard to read his expression. On one hand he looked worried, but the sharp look in his eyes proved his frustration.

“You’re really going to let yourself die - just so you don’t get anyone else involved?”

His sharp gaze made you feel almost ashamed, as if your decision was completely idiotic - although you supposed it was. But you couldn’t bring yourself to reply, you’ve already caused enough trouble as it is, you don’t want to make others fix your problem.

Shouto sighed and placed his hand on your shoulder, “I’m paying for your surgery. We’ll schedule it for this weekend, can you hold out for that long?”

Your eyes shot to his, the sharp look continuing to tell you he was serious. Even so, you gave him a light glare, crossing your arms as you replied, “What? No - you’re not! You heard it from Izuku, I’m not asking for anyone’s help.”

“Then you’ll die.”

That made you pause. It wasn’t like Shouto to be so blunt, at least not anymore, but he really was serious. 

“I - … I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Y/n, let me do this. I know you don’t want my help, but I don’t want you to die. No one wants you to die, and you don’t want to die.”

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so with a heavy sigh you nodded, “Fine… but - I’ll owe you something. Anything.”

Shouto chuckled lightly at that, and nodded, finally taking his hand off your shoulder as he spoke “Deal. Actually, I know what I want. Hanahaki happens when you love someone that doesn’t love you, right? So - who do you love? I’m just curious.”

Fuck. Of course he would ask that. You forced a smile, “Ah - I don’t wanna talk about that… Isn’t there something else you could ask, or that I could do for you? There’s gotta be something.”

“I don’t have anything else in mind, this is all I wanna know right now. Are you embarrassed by who it is? Or is it me?”

He laughed when he mentioned himself, but he was still looking at you expectantly. If Shouto was anything, apparently it was persistent.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to get upset.”

“I promise.”

With a deep breath, you looked at the ground and muttered, “Izuku.”

Shouto’s face fell from a soft smile to a painfully neutral expression. The room was silent, except for your slight coughing - all the talking had edged you closer to another coughing fit, and you wanted him out before it happened.

“I’ll call the doctor tomorrow.” Shouto walked to the door and opened it, but paused before he could walk out, “And don’t worry about it y/n. It’s not your fault, I’m not mad.” At that, he fully left, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone once again. At least he understood.

----

The school had allowed you to take the rest of the week off under the suggestion of Aizawa and Recovery Girl, not wanting a repeat of last time. This time, however, you weren’t allowed to stay holed up in your room, as the class forced you out after school to spend time with them. It was times like this that you really appreciated your friends - they would help comfort you when you started coughing up more flowers, and made it their mission to cheer you up. 

The weekend came soon, and Saturday morning you were met once again with Shouto knocking at your door. 

“Ready?”

Bouncing on your heels, you tried to relax your panicky brain. You’d be fine. The operation would go by smoothly, and you’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about.

“Yup! Let’s go.”

The trip there was fairly quiet, you were too busy thinking about the possible outcomes of the operation - and of Izuku. It would hurt to lose these feelings for him, as much as you hated them. To suddenly not love someone anymore sounded terrible. But, you’d still be friends - and that was all that mattered. 

It didn’t take too long to arrive at the hospital, only about a 30 minute train ride, and soon you were waiting in the doctor’s office to go back. It seemed it was a good day to get the surgery done too, as your breathing had gotten worse and worse by the day. You were nowhere near suffocating quite yet, but another week and you just might be.

“Y/l/n-san, you can come back now.”

You followed the nurse into the back room, Shouto following close behind you.

“So, you got Hanahaki disease, huh? That’s real unlucky, but at least there’s surgery. Now, you do understand that other than the removal of the flowers, we can’t be certain of the actual effect the surgery will have on you mentally.”

“I know, I’ve done a lot of research. Whatever happens, I’m ready.”

The nurse nodded, and smiled at you, “Alright - then just sit down right there and relax. I’ll be back in a minute, and we can get started.”

She left to grab the doctors, and you waited for them to return.

“Are you scared?”

“Just of the uncertainty. I know it’ll work, but I’ve read a bunch of articles on how the whole emotional process can go wrong.”

Shouto sat next to you on the bed, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll go fine.”

It wasn’t too long until the doctors came back into the room, dressed and ready for surgery. Shouto was forced to leave the room, and he promised to be right there when you woke up. Once he was gone, the doctors finished their final preparations and the lead surgeon came to prepare you.

“I’m going to put you under now. Are you ready?”

You nodded shakily - both excited and scared to see what would come. 

“Alright, just relax. It’ll be over before you know it.”

He put the mask on your face, and your eyes fluttered shut into a deep sleep.

----

The doctor called Shouto in as soon as you woke up, wanting you to have a familiar face to help adjust while the anaesthesia worked its way out of your system.

“Everything seems to have gone great, the flowers are gone and they’ll live.”

Shouto thanked the doctor, and went into the room. You were still a bit dopey from the anesthesia however, so he let you be, wanting you to rest, and went to call Izuku.

“Shouto! How’d the surgery go? Is y/n okay?”

Shouto couldn’t help but chuckle at Izuku’s enthusiasm. Other than you, Izuku had been the most worried about the surgery - he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something went wrong and he lost you. 

“Yes, they’re okay. They’re still waking up, but once the doctor says it’s okay for visitors to come I’ll text you.”

“Ah! I’m so glad! Okay, I’ll bring everyone with me!”

It was a while later when you fully woke up, finally aware of what was going on as you looked around the white room. 

“Shouto? What time is it? Did the surgery go alright?”

“Around noon, and yes - you’re perfectly fine. Are you hungry? I can go grab you some food.”

You nodded, having not eaten all day, “Yes please. Oh, and could you grab me my phone? Momo said to call her after the surgery.”

Shouto went to grab your bag and began searching through it for your phone, but decided you’d want to know that your friends would be coming soon as well. 

“I’m sure she’ll be coming over soon, Izuku said he’s gonna bring everyone to come visit in a bit”

He expected for you to be happy at the news, but instead your face contorted in confusion, and to Shouto’s horror - you asked, “Who’s Izuku?”

---

As everyone from 1A flooded into the room, you broke out into a bright smile. They all circled around the bed, spouting random comments about how happy they were that you were okay and that the surgery was a success. You excitedly listened to all of them, happy to hear that your friends cared about you so much.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you’re okay! I was so worried!”

Izuku, finally being able to push his way through everyone and up to you, had latched himself onto you, throwing his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into a tight hug. However, you began pushing him off of you, not wanting some stranger to be touching you so closely.

“Uh, I’m sorry, but who are you?”

Izuku’s eyes widened as you said this - and everyone else in the room turned quiet. Your confused expression as you eyed him carefully further emphasized your seriousness. Why didn’t you remember him?

“I’m… I’m Izuku. Don’t you remember me?”

You gave him an overly kind smile, and Izuku had a glimpse of hope as you seemed to have a revelation, but instead, “Oh! You’re the person Shouto was talking to earlier! Nice to meet you!” 

You seemed to recognize everyone else in the room, as you happily turned to Denki who started telling you about something that happened at school to ease the tension. 

Confused, Izuku shakily grabbed his boyfriend’s hand - who’s pained expression worried him more - and pulled him to the corner of the room.

“Shouto… what happened? I thought you said the surgery worked.”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to word the news in a way that Izuku would understand, “Well… It did. Y/n’s cured. But - Hanahaki is such a rare occurrence, doctors don’t know all the technicalities of it yet. They can’t assure results, and sometimes, the patient ends up forgetting about the person they loved all together rather than just losing their feelings.”

Suddenly, Izuku went numb. That would have to mean - that meant you loved him. 

You loved him. 

It was his fault you went through all that pain. 

Flashes of you coughing up blood and petals in class flooded his brain - and the pain on your face as you looked at him - he caused that. And now, he couldn’t even apologize. You had no idea who he was.

“I’m sorry Izuku.”

He barely noticed as Shouto pulled him into his chest, and he cried softly. As he looked over Shouto’s shoulder, he saw you laughing happily with the others - a sight that should make him smile. 

But all he felt was pain - even though you were right there, he had lost you.

[shnuggletea]

I got this amazing review that really inspired me. I was just going to write a nice little bow on the end of this. But they really showed me the potential as well as showed me there were a lot of strings still left to tie up! I really hate they left it as a guest, I want to give them credit. So, dear anon, this chapter is for you! Thank you for your review and I’ll be answering all your questions in this chapter and ones to come!

I hope this is funny in places. I thought it was lol. Anyway, here is a Prequel chapter showing you were the boys came from a little bit more. I might show more later, a sister story was requested. Idk if I’ll get to all that. Maybe next year for sins week, we’ll see.

Keeping with ‘tradition’ I wrote this today! So many other things I should be working on but what am I gonna do yeah? Maybe more reviews on this will make me write more lol. Yes, this is rushed but I wanted consistency and also, I wanted to get it to you all. It’s also in third person because it’s all past tense to when the original story began. It just felt right to me. I hope you like it anon and if I didn’t answer a question, no worries, I’m getting to it!!

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Nominated for best comedy for Feudal Connections Fourth Quarter 2020!!!

“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.” ― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair

Miroku

The water crashed against the cave's opening, waking him from what was, otherwise, a delightful sleep. It had been centuries of the same, crawling into his cave as early as his body would allow all so he could drift off into a world of 'make-believe'.

He knew it was more than that; that it was more than just his wishful thinking. It was the same scenery most nights but he relished slipping into his unconsciousness each and every night. It made the days drag on so long now.

Pulling himself out and into the open, he glanced up towards the high cliff above. It had been so long since the Monk Miroku and the children had come to the edge to learn and play. Many years, in fact, but he had long ago lost count of all that. So he was surprised when a young girl sat close to the edge. He climbed up the side to get a better look and listen.

"Oh god… please…." she cried. He wished he could comfort the girl but what could he do with his tentacles? "Please… I love him so much. Help him to love me in return or… let me move on…"

Her eyes danced to the water below, the deadly waves hitting the rocks hard for emphasis. This girl wanted to end her life over love? Was it truly that great? It was hard for him to imagine love being that powerful but he only had his dreams to go off of.

The girl sat for a few more moments, sobbing before slowly pushing off the ground. She stood, looking over the edge and he feared she would run over it, ending her life and suffering the easy way.

"Christine!" The girl spun, and his demon hearing allowed him to hear the hitch in her throat. A boy, who looked the same age, bounded up to her. "What are you doing here?"

She shook her head and looked away, "I could ask you the same thing?"

"I'm looking for you!"

The squid demon took in their appearances for the first time. Their clothes were strange. The girl wore pants and not a skirt. And the boy wore a small shirt with words printed on it. It had been a long time since he had come up from the cave but he was delighted to see the clothing matched the girl in his dreams. Made it seem less crazy and also… meant the time was near.

The girl pressed her face into her palms and sobbed. "I'm sorry. I.. I want to be… happy for you but I just can't…"

There was nothing else said, the boy stomping up to the girl and wrapping his hold around her hard. A few moments passed with them like that and then, the boy whispered, "Let's be happy together then?"

The girl tried to pull away to see or fight, the demon wasn't sure, but the boy refused to let her go, no matter what she did. "You… you were with her! I saw you! You love her!"

"No, I don't."

This was the boy she was pining for and now that he was here for her, she fought against him hard? Pushing and hitting? The boy didn't let go and the squid was close to stepping in. The girl may have wanted the boy but she wanted him to let go now! Just as he pushed off the rock he had camouflaged himself to, the boy pulled the girl back and she jumped up to kiss him. The squid watched on in awe, completely confused about what was going on.

The girl, Christine, wanted this boy so much, she considered ending her life when he wasn't in it. Then, when he comes for her, she tries to push him away? All ending with the two of them intimately pressed together? The squid made his leave when the two started taking off clothing, slinking back down to the water. But the scene never left his brain, not as he caught his dinner or swam back to his cave.

Is that how women were now? Wearing pants and pretending to want one thing when they really wanted the other?

The question was still buzzing in his brain when he laid down, safe from the current and crushing waves deep in his dark home. He had barely closed his eyes when he saw her, his sweet girl. She had stopped being sweet long ago, now bitter and scorned. He longed for her, just like Christine did for that boy. Only difference was, Christine wanted to die for the boy while the squid wanted to live for Sango. It pained him to watch over the years as she was used and abused by men. He would never do that to her.

Now he watched as she left a place full of tables and white cloth. She looked amazing even if the dress wasn't what he was used to. He could tell, she was trying hard, the curls dying in her hair proof. He knew her better than anyone, Sango was trying to look really nice even though she was gorgeous no matter what she did.

Sango returned to her home, sitting beside her friend. He liked Kagome. She was smart and strong, he could see it through Sango's eyes sometimes. The dreams varied from him watching to him seeing. Tonight, he watched. But he could still see the disappointment and heartbreak on his dear Sango's face. He would never do that to her.

That was when he saw the book.

Every demon knew of witches and their abilities. What humans called witches, demons called dark Priestesses. But it was the same, good or bad, their witches were our Priestesses. In fact, Sango's dear friend Kagome had a little Priestess in her. It was one of the reasons she searched books like the one Sango held now and why the squid liked her so much. Deep down, the squid demon always knew Kagome would be the one to bring him to his mate.

Right there, in Sango's hands, was exactly how he could be with her. Years, he had spent alone and then the dreams came of Sango. He, at first, felt the dreams of her were enough. But as she grew into a woman and started seeing other men, he needed to be by her side. He didn't fault her for having a love life. For being with other men. But he didn't like the men she chose, breaking her and making her sullen. Those men were ruining his mate.

Sango shed a few tears he wished he could brush away for her and flipped through the book. More than ever, he wished he could affect these dreams. Be heard or seen or something.

Sango was nearing the right page and had turned from truly reading to glancing idly. If he didn't do something, she was going to miss the spell that would bring them together. Christine, the girl on the cliff, came to his mind. So the squid knelt down next to his love, silently prayed to the above, then whispered.

"I can be yours, Sango. Just read the next page."

It was all he could do. And he knew this already, his dreams may have given him a human body but they didn't allow him to do anything human. Like touch or smell his mate.

If Sango skipped over the page, the one with the incantation for a mate, he was going to lose his mind. He might actually throw himself off the cliff! But that wouldn't kill him, he already tried back before Sango was alive.

He watched with bated breath as her fingers gripped the frail paper, pulling it up and over, revealing the page he had been waiting years for her to see and discover. Not moving an inch, not even breathing if that was really a thing in this dream state, he listened. Sango didn't push on past the page like she had the others. Instead, she read. Intently.

Her breath caught, just like Christine's on the cliff, and Sango read over the words again and again and again. So he leaned into her ear again and whispered. "This is it. This is what you've been searching for."

Reaching out, he pretended to brush her hair out of her face, holding his hand off her skin just enough for it to seem real. If he actually tried to touch her, his hand would go through her like the illusion it all was. But with this page in her hold, it wouldn't be long now. Sango would show this to Kagome and the two of them would be compelled by fate to enact it.

It was only a matter of time, and for the first time, he didn't detest the thought of the ticking clock.

oOo

Naraku

"Ah… ah… oh Naraku…. AH!"

Naraku didn't stop his rough thrusts into the girl under him until he came, just as she had. He made sure to pull out but didn't hesitate to get his cum all over her sheets. He didn't want the attachment to this woman, like a bastard child, but he did want to mark his territory. Naraku would never see this woman again but she would think of him long after.

She was cooing on the bed behind him as he got to his feet and to his clothes. "That was… amazing…"

The woman was drunk, what did she know? He had gotten his release, that was all he cared about. It wasn't amazing in the least but it would do for now.

Naraku already had his slacks on his hips when she caught on to his hurried movements. "Wait… you're not staying?"

Glancing back, he caught the genuine disappointment on the woman's face and he huffed. "As… Lovely as this was, it was far from the best for me."

"Excuse me?"

Releasing a frustrated sigh, Naraku turned back to the woman. "Look, I've already forgotten your name. You're not the one I really want and that's a good thing for you. You got to have a nice evening and great sex. I, however, just got to cum on your sheets."

"You're an asshole!"

Turning, he went for the door, "yes, I know."

The truly important thing about all of this was keeping himself awake. The last thing he wanted was to sleep lately. His nightmares were the worst. All he ever dreamed of lately was his mate fucking other men. Who wanted to sleep while that was going on in their head?

Now out on the small and empty street of the tiny town, he lived in, Naraku stretched his human arms over his head high and shook the fatigue out of his bones the best he could. He had been up for… fifty-one hours now? He really wasn't counting. That was one thing he lost when he gave up his demon body for a human one, he tired.

He did love sex though, and the human women made it so easy for him. Practically threw themselves at him. The Priestess that gave him this body included.

Pausing for a moment, he drew a hand through his golden locks to straighten them and rubbed some of the sleep out of his bright blue eyes. Sometimes he missed his darker coloring but beggars couldn't be choosy. And this body was nice, slender and strong. It would do, it got him what he wanted. Fucking the Priestess hadn't been planned but when she offered him his immortality with his human body, he banged the old hag, giving her his 'virginity' as she put it.

So really, although not how he saw himself, this body was perfect. Except for the hunger and need for rest.

This was the first time he had pushed his body so long so hard ever and the sidewalk was starting to sway beneath him. It made his stomach turn, all of it reminding him of when he first moved his soul into this body. It hadn't been that long ago and the memory of it was still fresh. Just like a nightmare, he found himself fighting the feeling. He didn't want to go anywhere, not into another body, and not to sleep. The last thing he wanted was to ever see his damn mate.

Now he was running. Down the street and stumbling as he did. Where could he go? Back to the woman he just left? He doubted he could talk her into another round after how he treated her. It wouldn't be the first time he weaved his honeyed words and twisted his lips into a devilish smile to get his way. But he didn't have the energy. It was draining from him fast.

The last thing he did was fall. It was into an alley that was at least clean. A homeless man hovered over him, asking him if he was alright but his mouth refused to move to answer. That was it until he found himself standing in a strange place with two strange men.

They were naked but so was he. Searching his body, he found his skin was no longer pale and instead of olive. Then, a dark lock fell over his shoulder and into his view. Touching the foreign strand, it felt coarse and textured. His hair had been short to his scalp and soft. Not to mention light blonde. Now his hair was mahogany brown.

Looking around, Naraku decided he had to be in an apartment. It looked similar to the one he left moments ago. Wait.. had it been moments? It was nearly dawn when he stepped back on the street but now the sun was setting.

Stomping around the couch and the other fools taking in the place, Naraku found a clock on the stove. It read seven but he had to guess that it meant seven pm. Next, he found a bathroom. Inspecting himself in the mirror, he couldn't complain. This was body was more aligned with what he expected the first time he was given a human form. The old Priestess had given him a body that matched her fantasies. Not his.

The two fools were still looking around the place. Naraku looked at the two of them. One had white hair and dog ears while the other had dark features, like him, but a strange-looking penis. Naraku only had his to compare and he was flawless. The poor fellow had a gnarly looking dick.

Not Naraku's problem though.

"They did it." The odd cock fellow whispered. "They actually did it! We're here!"

"The hell are you talking about?"

The strange penis man looked at him with a grin. "Our mates; they summoned us."

The man with the ears made a strange yipping sound and went to the door. Then he just stood there, silent and happily waiting. Naraku, on the other hand, was seething. "Why the hell would they do that?!"

"Because they wanted us?" Odd cock answered. "Just as we wanted them."

"I didn't want my mate. I didn't want any of this!"

"You didn't want to be human?" The one by the door asked, cocking his ears to the sides.

"I already was human! I had a life, one I enjoyed. Now I'm stuck here in this body with a slut for a mate!"

"You can't blame your mate for what they did before they knew you…" Weird prick started.

Naraku cut him off, "I can and I will. I'm going to fuck my mate and move on. Then she'll move on as that is what she does."

"You know her better than anyone, do you really think that's true?"

Naraku glared at the one with ears. He was still by the door, acting like a dog. Perhaps that's where the ears came from? Being a dog first while Naraku was human had made his transformation seamless while these two still had animal features. Must have been a weak spell or Priestess. Or one that wasn't dark, it was a spell for a Dark Priestess to do, not a good one.

But the dog was perceptive, even for a mutt. Naraku did know his mate well. All about her past. How her father left her and her mother beat her for it. None of it was ever Kikyo's fault but she took the blame anyway. And then she tried to replace her family with anyone willing. They never lived up to her standards as far as a lover. Kikyo had many missteps with her friends throughout the years but had finally made some good ones.

Whether they had anything to do with him in this damn body now, Naraku didn't know. But Kikyo would have told them for sure, she trusted those two more than anyone.

But none of that mattered. "Look, pup, I had a life and a body. An immortal one. And now I'm stuck in this one. It will age and I will die thanks to my damn mate. Nothing she can do will make up for that."

It was clear on their faces that they didn't agree with him but they remained silent about it. All that was left was to wait. Their mates would enter and he could take his away to show her what she'd been missing. Then never see her again.

These fools. They wanted to be tied to their mates and this life.

Naraku had something to lose, something he did lose. While these two freaks didn't know what they were missing. The one with the funky johnson was going to find out soon. No way his mate would accept that messed up schlong inside her. The guy was going to die a virgin. Some life.

The mutt started going nuts so Naraku had to assume that meant their mates were there. Chunky phallus took a deep breath to steady himself while the puppy scratched at the door. The first one to enter, the dog jumped on. Naraku recognized her from his dreams, a close friend to his mate, Kagome was more than just another woman. That much was clear to Naraku and to peculiar peter as they both slightly bowed to the woman on instinct. He couldn't control it and Kagome didn't even notice. Too distracted by her new pet.

When his mate entered, he felt light-headed. Never had a woman affected him as Kikyo did and he hated it. Her eyes went to him and she offered him a coy smile. So he smiled back, knowing just what she wanted from him. He would supply it in spades but she wouldn't be satisfied by another ever again.

That was his revenge for taking him away from his perfect body and shoving him into a mortal one.

oOo

Inuyasha

He took careful steps, the pads of his paws pressing into the pavement and stinging slightly from the heat of it. Inuyasha hated the crowded city life but he had no choice. This was where he was needed.

Inuyasha was behind his prey, and they were yet to take notice. He was an excellent hunter, it was how he found her so far from his and her home. Would she recognize him? Would she be scared? It was far from the first time he had found her and approached but it had been a few years.

Creeping up, he watched her bend over to pick something off the ground. Studying her hindquarters, head to stop himself from mounting her. But he did stick his muzzle against it, feeling the plushness of it against his nose.

She shrieked and turned, ready to swat. But all of her anger melted away when she took sight of him. "Awwweee, hello there, Puppy."

Getting down on one knee, she held out a hand for him to smell but he knew her scent better than anything. Inuyasha quickly licked her fingers before she could pull away, getting a sweet giggle out of her.

"Where did you come from? Are you lost?"

He was right where he was supposed to be, pushing headfirst into her arms. Inuyasha was a little too eager and she fell to the ground from her perch, onto her lovely ass.

"Whoa, I like you too."

Kagome was laughing, letting him lick her just as she always did. But he pulled back to let her return the affection, scratching him behind his ears. She sighed softly, happy, and he wished more than anything to always make her feel this way. But he couldn't, not in this form. Inuyasha was pretty sure she would freak if she knew the truth about him. He was a dog demon.

Thanks to his human mother and the curse put upon half-demon children, Inuyasha got to spend the first five years of his life in a human body, only to be forced into a dog form for the rest of it. That way, he knew what he lost and had no way to fix it. Oh, how Inuyasha's mother had wept.

Even knowing he was hurting himself and his mate, he just couldn't stay away from Kagome.

The last time he saw her, she was just becoming an adult. And she was crying. Over some asshole that broke her heart. It tore at him greatly, never wanting to share his mate with anyone, but it wasn't her fault. It was all Inuyasha's.

Now, she looked better. Older and happier. But there was still an underlying sadness to her. He could see and smell it. And he could see it in his dreams, how she often cried when she was alone. It broke him even more to see it. So he pushed deeper into her and Kagome wrapped her arms around him fully, allowing him to nuzzle her neck.

"You remind me of a dog I once knew. But, he would be long dead now." No, he wasn't, I'm right here in front of you. "He was gorgeous, just like you."

Only Kagome ever made him feel like this. Like he wasn't a monster. He licked her ear tenderly as a reward for her kindness. She repaid him with another giggle.

When she pulled back from him, a sad look on her face, he knew what she was going to say. "I wish I could take you home with me. But my place doesn't allow dogs." Just as he thought; she was going to leave him soon. "I have a few minutes right now if you want to take a walk with me?"

He wagged his tail so hard, it might fall off. Kagome laughed brightly and got to her feet. People passed them, giving her strange looks, but Kagome ignored them as usual. Never had she ever made him feel lesser. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

Kagome sat on a bench in the park she led him to. Inuyasha recognized the place as Kagome visited it often. To relax and think. He had watched her for hours over the years, never being too far from her if he could help it.

Hopping up, he joined her on the bench and sat in her lap as much as he could. Her laughter returned, welcoming him even as he overwhelmed her with his size. They soon fell into a comfortable silence, Kagome running her fingers through his mane in a tantalizing and relaxing manner. If he were ever to die, this was where he wanted to be when he did.

The more time that passed, the more fear crept up into his belly that she would soon leave him. Or that he would leave her, unable to stay with her like this for very long. It killed him but it was how it had to be. Until the curse of his form was broken, he could never be with a human for long. They always met misfortune. Kagome was different but he didn't dare chance it.

She sighed and he knew this would have to end soon. Her fingers were tracing around his ears so things were about to get dangerous if he didn't leave soon. For both of them.

"The last time I saw that dog you remind me of… I was such a mess. I should have taken him in and I always regretted it. But, stupid me, thought that he would be a replacement. You see… my boyfriend had just… dumped me." What she meant was, she found out he was seeing another woman at the same time and Kagome left him, but she was trying to save face in front of Inuyasha. Kagome didn't know he was the same dog and her mate, and that he knew all. "I didn't want to take the responsibility lightly or on a whim. But I wish I had, he was so sweet. Just like you." She found his chin and scratched, making his foot dance. "I feel like… dogs like you are always around when I need them the most. You've always been there for me haven't you?" It was as if, Kagome looked into his soul through his eyes, looking for the answer he couldn't answer. "What if… I just snuck you into my place? You could live with me for as long as you like. I would take really good care of you, I promise."

His heart leapt in excitement no matter how much Inuyasha told it to calm down. He couldn't live with Kagome no matter how much he wanted to. More than anything, he wanted to tell her this. Tell her he loved her and wanted to be with her but that he couldn't. He couldn't risk giving her his curse. And that he would always want more. Inuyasha was sure he could never live with Kagome while she loved other men.

Inuyasha would risk that to be with her forever though.

As it were, the worst that would happen is he would outlive her. He would have to watch her age while he never so much as shred a fang. That would be the worst curse of all.

She carefully pushed him back and got to her feet. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

Kagome ran, skipping as she fled. Inuyasha watched her as long as he could before leaving the bench and the woman he loved behind. A few feet away, he watched from the cover of some trees as she returned. His heart fell with hers, watching her slump with a sob to the bench they had shared.

Reaching into her bag, the plastic one she had returned with, he caught sight of the red collar in her hands. Running her fingers over it, Kagome took another moment to mourn and then left. While he would never stop mourning.

[noblechaton]

happy new years dudes! 

this post is a sort of run down of my last year or so and rlly it’s just me rambling about my (sometimes gross, warning to all gross-haters out there (like me)) health issues so feel free to look past this

2020 was probably the single hardest most stressful year of my entire life so far and while some reasons are uh. kinda obvious. it sort of especially crunched down on me as it was the first year of my life where I had a persistent health problem for the entire duration

back near the end of 2019 (october 19th I think) I noticed this weird pain in my chest and it scared the heck outta me when it didn’t go away after a few days so I managed to get to go to the doctor for the first time in maybe an actual decade? to try and sort it out bc like on one hand my habits were(/are) bad and the day beforehand I’d been running on a horrid amount of sleep and my only food was bad fast food stuff for breakfast and dinner

anyway the appointments started coming after that as test after test cleared me of. well. anything. there wasn’t really anything weird found after a stress test or uh. this one test where they ran a wand over my body with some goo on it. idk what its called

so naturally I was really just totally lost bc the pain was still there up until around late january?? I think? my memory gets a bit hazy here bc so much had happened but I’m pretty sure that shortly after it faded away (mid february-ish?) I felt normal-ish but then had this awful headache that just straight up wouldn’t go away that lasted a month or so that got so bad I broke down and begged for a hospital despite knowing my bill was outrageous already but I managed to go anyway and got a CAT scan then and an MRI a few days later that turned up nothing again. legit nothing (aside from a kidney stone lol) and just like the chest stuff it faded

some time after that I got really shaky aches and pain sin my wrists and ankles that hurt super bad that I sort of didn’t talk about but at that point at least it was something I could sort of cope with and it eventually stopped after a while (I think this was bc of an antidepressant I was on that I just. immediately stopped taking as a result of the pain) 

but eventually that gave way to what was the worst of it where I spent around 2 months being entirely unable to eat or drink /anything/. I mean anything at all. water of any sort, crackers, it all came back up and. really really sucked. I lost a lot of weight and struggled a lot and I still struggle to talk about this one bc it was so traumatic and I’m terrified of it coming back to this day (I still don’t eat or drink all the stuff I used to eat or drink and maybe never will. I almost entirely avoid dairy of all kinds now which might tie into my current problem??)

obviously I got multiple tests for this. two cameras down my tummy and an emptying study and all of which turned up.............nothing. nothing I didn’t already have anyway. nothing that could be causing it and then of course shortly after the last test, the one that I thought would definitively answer what was wrong with me,(the emptying one), I was so desperate for food that late one night I devoured some awful fried chicken from the grocery store in the middle of the night and fell asleep and the next day I could finally, thankfully sort of eat again. my dad cooked up salmon for me since it’d been in the freezer and I tried it and it mostly stayed down and then from there it stopped happening all together

this one still stresses me out and again I’m fucking terrified of it bc I still have no indication on what it is or was

but that brings me to the last month or two? (which is a good ~4-5 months? from that last thing I think. my perception of time is fucked and filled with me being pricked with fluids and stuff bleugh) which has been mostly this weird discomfort/pain in my left side that’s almost always there (but has faded sometimes) with the occasional awful discomfort uh. between my legs back there. and this awful burping habit where I taste the last thing I ate for a while

this one’s hard to pin down and I haven’t been to a doc for it (yet, I wanna go and get a colonoscopy and even asked about a stool test that one doc said no to?? and plus it’ll probably be even harder now than it was before) and I’ve been on various laxatives (started back when I wasn’t eating as not eating meant getting anything out was uh. difficult) that all sort of dipped in usefulness. lately I’ve been drinking a glass of prune juice every day or two and it seems to do the most help but it’s still there

now this is odd for me bc I’m not even sure I’ve been constipated or anything and there’s a few theories I’ve had that range from me having IBS to it being tied to my body recovering from 2-3 months of not eating or uh. removing waste. to suddenly doing it a lot (this is also my theory on the belching since my neck/throat used to hurt a shitload on account of all the acid and stuff coming back up but it’s sort of slowly felt less bad?). I also sometimes feel super zoned out and foggy but that might just be my bad sleeping

lately I’m sort of wondering if this is maybe all a neurological thing?? or maybe some sort of mental snap caused by stress from my life. it’s been hard for me to consider much else beyond a deep mental issue after so many tests ended up with good results

I’m not smart enough to know for sure but. idk. a year of nearly nonstop bodily pain no matter what I did (exercise, no exercise. eating better, eating worse, etc.) with every single possible test done beyond a select few providing no results has sort of left me as a terrified wreck without anywhere to turn and it just sucks. I’m tired of being so scared of my own body

and all of that on top of. y’know. everything going on in the world. it fucking sucks

last year was real fuckin bad man and I can only try and hope that this year gives myself and everyone else a reprieve at least. a moment to breathe and be consistently happy again. thank u guys for still hanging around me and enjoying the piddly amount of original content I put out. 

I wanna do more for this acc since it, and you guys, got me thru a lot of this last year or so (I even got to see Glaciator in the hospital once lol) and I intend to start streaming myself playing video games over on twitch more often but I can’t make any promises rn. all I can do is hope to continue putting out even the dumbest of posts that y’all might get even a tiny laugh out of

[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333

[manage-mischief]

Ground Zero

Part Two: Freedoms 

Read on AO3 here. 

Summary: Two-shot. Though Tonks had been fantasizing about moments like this for months—moments when the two of them were in bed together—none of them had involved quite this much blood or mortal peril. In which Remus is injured during a mission and Tonks has to think fast to save his life.

Author’s Note: This will be a two-shot and perhaps part of a larger Remadora series. They are definitely one of my OTPs, and I feel like a lot of their relationship was glossed over in the books. This story attempts to place a timeline on some of their romance. It takes places soon after Order of the Phoenix, before the Half-Blood Prince. I envision it happening right before Harry arrives at the Weasley’s and sees Tonks and Molly there. I’m pretty new to fanfiction writing, so any kind comments would be appreciated! (I had to re-upload chapter 2 because of a link issue and because idk how Tumblr works lol sorry about that)

Chapter 2 : Remus recovers from the attack while Tonks tries (and fails) to stay casual. There's only one bed, after all. Past Wolfstar if you squint. 

One minute. That’s how long she allowed herself to lose control. Sitting there, shivering on the cool bathroom tile, she felt like a complete idiot. Since it had been well-established that the universe hated her, it made perfect sense that she had to have gone and fallen in love with a man who she was quite certain would never love her back. At least, not in the way she hoped. She had managed to earn in his friendship, but was sure that, in his eyes, she was still the same immature girl he had believed her to be all those months ago: too young, too frivolous, too clumsy. And, he was probably right. He had been a bloody professor for Merlin’s sake! Meanwhile, she was the girl who would pretend to be professors to pull pranks and end up in detention with a Howler from home the next day.

Not to mention the issue of Sirius. She had never known exactly what had gone on between Remus and her cousin in the past. But, after Remus’s reaction to Sirius’s death, she was fairly certain their relationship had not been strictly platonic. These thoughts of Sirius caused her to shake even more. A few stray tears slid down her cheeks. It was her fault he was dead.

She relived the fight at the Department of Mysteries every day. Her biggest failure. What could she have done differently? What curses or hexes had she forgotten? If she had been a better dueler, a better Auror, would Sirius still be alive today? Surely, Remus had asked himself similar questions. So, Tonks resigned herself to the sad truth: even if Remus felt anything towards her, he would never want to be with the witch whose incompetence had led to the death of one of the only people on Earth he had ever loved.

Her minute was up. Tonks pushed herself off of the floor. She leaned over the sink and stared in the mirror. Her hair, which often involuntarily changed color to reflect her mood, had reverted to its natural mousy brown. Right now, she possessed neither the desire nor the energy to turn it back to pink. With one hand still gripping the basin of the sink, she turned on the faucet. For a moment, she just stood there, listening to the water run. She took a deep breath and splashed a few handfuls of cold water on her face. Returning to the bedroom, she was determined to force any longing thoughts concerning Remus from her mind. Constant vigilance, she repeated to herself, policing her stream of consciousness in order to banish all romantic inclinations. Although, somehow, she was certain this was not quite what Mad-Eye had had in mind when he coined the phrase.

“You should try and get some sleep,” she remarked as she exited the bathroom, feigning a casual tone. “You take the bed. I’ll put some blankets on the floor.”

He propped himself up on his elbows to look at her properly. “Don’t be ridiculous, Tonks. You just saved my life. You’re not sleeping on the floor. This is a king-sized bed, there’s plenty of room for the both of us.”

Great, just great. Why did this man have to be so goddamn chivalrous? So much for ignoring the mess going on in her brain and…other regions… Sharing a bed was not going to make this situation any easier. Maybe if she possessed more willpower, she would have told him no—insisted that she sleep on the floor, or went downstairs to check out another room. But she didn’t. Instead of making what would have undoubtedly been the more responsible decision, she began to remove her shoes and bloodstained clothes to join the half-naked subject of her pining under the blankets.  

The two partners sat in silence for a prolonged moment, both staring up at the ceiling to avoid meeting the other’s gaze. Tonks mentally kicked herself. This was getting ridiculous. There was no reason why she should be acting like a schoolgirl. She was an Auror: an elite wizarding warrior. She ate Death Eaters for breakfast. Surely, she held the capacity to brave the awkward territory into which they were entering. She turned to face him, sitting herself crisscross with her feet on the mattress. “So…love potion, eh?”

He chuckled lightly, relieved at the break in the tension. “I suppose I did promise you a bedtime story, didn’t I?”

“It really is the least you could do. Seeing as I saved your life and all, Lupin.”

“Fair enough, but I’m afraid I made the tale sound a lot more interesting than it actually was.”

Tonks raised her eyebrows. “Spill.”

“In my 5th year, some admirer of Sirius’s—I should note he had plenty of them—gave him some fire whiskey for Christmas. I told him not to drink it. Naturally, I assumed he had tossed it out after my warning. But then, one night, he and I were in our room and fancied a drink. Sirius opened a bottle of fire whiskey, which, as you can probably guess, was the bottle he had received from the girl. We drank it. Needless to say, when Peter and James found us later that evening, we were in quite a state—blabbering on about a ‘Michelle Thompson’ or something like that. We had started a duel over which one of us would get to ask her to Hogsmeade. I had cast Levicorpus and Sirius was hanging upside-down in mid-air when they arrived. Well, James and Peter had a right laugh, but then, being the good friends that they were, used James’s invisibility cloak to sneak down to the Dungeons and fix up an antidote. When I came to, they told me what had happened. Obviously, I was quite reluctant to drink or eat anything Sirius offered me for a long time after that.”

Tonks giggled. “Sounds like something Sirius would do, drink something given to him by a strange woman without thinking. Reminds me of the time Charlie Weasley almost ate a tainted chocolate frog before a Quidditch match. Some Slytherin bloke had them delivered by owl the morning before the game. Unmarked. I had to slap it out of his hand! Turns out it was filled with undiluted Bubotuber pus! He would’ve been out commission for weeks! But, even after we found all that out, he was still cross with me for ruining his chocolate frog! How thick can you be?!? I mean I know sometimes Mad-Eye’s methods are a bit out there, but, you’ve gotta admit, the bloke’s got a point about never eating or drinking something you didn’t make yourself.” Tonks was cracking up, fondly remembering the look of innocent disappointment on Charlie’s face. She snorted. Her hands instantly flew to cover her mouth, eyes wide. What kind of noise was that? She didn’t even have her pig snout on!

To her surprise and delight, Remus smiled and laughed alongside her. For a second. Suddenly, the weight of death hung heavy in the room. Their laughing ceased. The pair looked away from each other once again.

“You and Sirius were close, huh,” Tonks remarked, emotionless. She turned back to face him. He gave a quick nod, still avoiding meeting her gaze. She would not pry.

“You know, in some ways, you’re very much like him. You both have the same devil-may-care attitude, the same penchant for troublemaking.”

She noticed he used the present tense.

“I’d never met him before the Order. Mum was banished from the family once she married Dad, y’know. But if she ever mentioned the Blacks, she would tell me he was her favorite,” Tonks reminisced.

She remembered the last days she had spent with Sirius at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. They had laughed and drank themselves silly, destroying as many Black Family heirlooms as they could get their hands on. She had asked him for advice about her Order missions—not because she had really required it, but because she could tell her questions made him feel needed. She was pretty sure he known then about her developing crush on Remus. But, he showed no signs of jealousy or animosity towards her. Instead, he would flash sly smiles and wink at her whenever Remus was near. “Moony’s a good bloke,” he had cryptically remarked during one of their final afternoons together, after he had caught her staring.

Those conversations with her now-dead cousin seemed ages away. The guilt resurfaced once again, swelling in her chest, snapping her back to the present.

“It’s not your fault,” Remus gently whispered. Feeling tears pricking in her eyes, she furiously blinked, attempting to ebb their flow.

“That he’s…that he died. It isn’t. Bellatrix was after Sirius. I hate to admit it, but she may be a better dueler than the whole Order put together. She would have gotten him regardless, it was all set up. She would have done anything to kill him. She hated him. If it’s anyone’s fault that Sirius is dead, it’s mine. I should have known something was wrong. I should never have let him leave that house.”

“But he was dying there, too,” Tonks replied, her voice breaking. “He was dying every day he couldn’t be out fighting with us. There was nothing anyone could have done. He had to leave that house eventually. I would have done the exact same thing. It’s a shame we all didn’t wise up sooner.”

Another heavy silence filled the room. “He told me you were a good man, Remus.”

Silence again. And then, “He said the same about you.”

She raised a questioning eyebrow.

He continued. “I mean, clearly, you are a very kind, very beautiful woman…” he trailed off. Some part of Tonks was elated that he had called her beautiful. Another part was ashamed for feeling elated. They were discussing a dead guy, for Merlin’s sake!

His next remark was so quiet she wasn’t sure he had really spoken at all. “He said he approved.”

“Approved of what?”

Instead of responding to her question, he said: “I told you earlier that you’re a lot like him. But you are different in many ways, too.”

“Oh?” She tried to hide some of her disappointment. Was this his way of telling her he wasn’t interested?

He stared intensely into her eyes. “Sirius tried to do everything in his power to distance himself from expectations. He worked very hard to be seen as different, and cared very much about how others saw him, despite appearances. But you don’t feel bound by anyone’s expectations. You don’t care what others think of you. You’re unapologetically whoever you want to be, your own person. You’re unique, Dora. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

She couldn’t quite remember what had followed. An infinitesimal shift of a body. A creak of a bed spring. A gentle kiss. Then more. She briefly broke away. “I think I’m in love with you, Remus.”

He pulled her closer into him, now both sitting up. Their kisses deepened, becoming frantic and hungry—quite unlike any kisses she had experienced before. Careful not to disturb his still-healing wounds, she ran her hands over the uninjured parts of his chest, feeling the lean muscle below her fingertips. She felt his hands respond in turn. Electricity coursed through her veins. All thoughts fled her mind. It was just the two of them, wrapped up together on the old hotel bed. She glanced at him in between breathless kisses, questioning. He met her eyes and nodded. “I think I’m in love with you too, Dora.”

They both grinned as she straddled him, as gently as she could…

Tonks gazed at the sleeping man beside her, attempting to memorize every feature of his face. He looked so peaceful, so carefree, when he slept. There was no telling what would happen when he woke: if he would express regrets, tell her he couldn’t be with her, admit he had made a mistake. Maybe she was a daft idiot for sleeping with her partner. Maybe he would reject her, using their age difference or his werewolf status as excuses for why they would never work. She honestly didn’t know what she would do if he said any of those things. It could be the beginning or the end for them. But at this moment, she forced herself to remain in the present, to remain in the warmth of Remus, his arms wrapped protectively around her waist. She kissed his forehead before dozing off into a blissful, dreamless sleep. Free.

[purplesurveys]

987

survey by shamegmeg

Have you ever cut your own hair? I’ve trimmed my own bangs but that’s it. I feel like doing anything to my hair altogether on my own is too big a move and would have bigger consequences if I fuck it up (which I definitely will end up doing).

What do you eat most frequently? Meat - chicken, beef, and pork. It’s in nearly every dish we eat, if not all of them.

Are you a fan of video games? I will always find the topic interesting and I played a fair share of video games growing up, but I’m not an ultra fan of any of the most popular games right now. I do like staying updated with my favorite series like Grand Theft Auto, The Sims, Mario Kart, etc. but it’s rare that I get my hands on the console itself to play. 

What's your favorite color combination? I don’t really think of any specific two colors, but I’m generally a fan of combinations of muted or pastel colors. Anything that doesn’t hurt my eyes too much.

Did you share a locker at school? We didn’t do that; we each had our own.

What's one sport you could never play? Basketball. Never understood the rules and I just never had the stamina for it. I’m also pretty competitive so I feel like I’d be pissed off and take it personally whenever somebody blocks me hahaha.

Blue or black ink? Black. I have nothing against blue though - I just like keeping pens with black ink around more.

Have you ever sang karaoke? Just once or twice. I’m not extroverted enough for it, not even when drunk. I just really hate the sound of my own singing voice, so it doesn’t help if I’m suddenly singing into a microphone.

What was the last concert you attended? Answer’s gonna be unchanged for the meantime, man...Paramore. No complaints naming them every time I’m asked this, though. Let’s hope they’ll also be the next concert I attend, as they like coming back to Manila anyway :))

Have you held anyone's hand in the past week? No.

What's your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? I’ve used Beyoncé’s Heat Rush since high school. I’ve never gotten tired of the scent and pretty much everyone knows me by that perfume now.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Before Covid, it depended on how late I’d get out of bed. If I had the energy to get up earlier, I’d devote 20-30 minutes to getting ready; but if it was a harder morning to face, I’d just take a quick 3-minute shower and wear the first things I see in my closet. These days since I just work from home, all I need to do is shower which takes no more than a few minutes.

What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? I think anyone of any gender of any age (except babies and younger kids) of any background from any walk of life should be allowed to wear makeup...

How old were you when you went on your first date? I was 16.

What's your nationality(ies)? Filipino.

Are you an open book? I can be for the most part since there’s no harm in sharing, but there are a few things that I’m extremely protective and secretive about.

Do you think you're a good secret keeper? Yeah. I used to share secrets with Gab but that’s because she tends to forget easily, but otherwise I have no problem taking secrets with me to my grave.

Name one fashion trend you could never follow. I have never been into wedges. Too chunky-looking.

Do you prefer long hair or short hair? On me? Short. It’s easier to maintain and take care of.

When do you plan to go to sleep tonight? Depends on how tired I am by the end of the day. I did make a cup of coffee today though so the caffeine might also choose to hang out into the evening.

Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yes.

If so, who? Gabie.

What exotic animal would you love to have as a pet? That’s a pass for me. I don’t know their temperament and what they need on a normal day, so I’m really not well-equipped to keep an exotic animal as a pet and I don’t want to end up accidentally killing them or something.

Do you want kids when you're older? At this point in my life I can go with or without them.

Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? I’m definitely grateful for it now, but when I was going through ballet classes as a five year old I absolutely hated it and had no idea what I was doing there. I wish I could tell my five year old self to appreciate it more because now I think it’s pretty cute that my parents wanted me to take up ballet and enrolled me in classes.

Where's your cell phone? It’s just right beside me. It’s always right beside me, haha.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I’ve always been a firm supporter of the egg lol because it had to be an earlier version of the chicken that laid the egg that would ultimately hatch the chicken as we know them today. Idk though, I hate questions like this hahahaha

What are your feelings about Octomom? I don’t know anything more than the fact that she had octuplets, which is awesome and badass in itself.

Do you know of Smosh? I used to LOVE Smosh, like holy shit. I probably talked about them in my earliest surveys a decade ago; simply put I was hooked. Watched every new episode and every new Lunchtime with Smosh/Ian Is Bored video from around maybe 2010-2013 until they started adding more crew members and until their videos started to stray from the content that made them blow up in the first place. I still remember when it was Smosh and Pewdiepie vying for the highest subscriber count on YouTube, haha. Was also sad when Anthony left. Suffice it to say I’ll always hold a fondness for Smosh - Anthony and Ian were my first favorite YouTubers along with Pewdiepie.

Do you drink enough water daily? Some days I do, some days I don’t.

Is your diet healthy? When I do eat my dishes are always a good balance of meat and veggies, but I feel like me skipping most of my meals overshadows that fact and makes my overall diet not-so-healthy.

What's your favorite fruit? The only one I’ve had and not feel like gagging whenever I consume it is avocado. To an extent, tomato too.

What was your favorite Halloween costume? Going as my former best friend, Sofie.

Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? I bought a few trinkets from Japan when I was there, but they were all for my loved ones and I don’t exactly remember what I bought anymore.

Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? Laptop. 

Where do you plan to post this survey? Tumblr, as I’ve always done in the last near-decade or so.

Do you remember anyone's number by heart? My mom’s, sister’s, and Gabie’s.

Are you a morning person or a late night owl? I’m more of a morning person lately because of work and because of the need to be chirpy by 9 AM. Being awake these days makes me sad now, so I avoid staying up late as much as I can; which means my days of being a night owl are over.

Name something you will never try in your lifetime. Coprophagia.

What do you think is your biggest flaw? I’m super competitive, which makes me the suckiest person to have friendly games with. I avoid them altogether so that I don’t end up killing the vibe of whatever crowd I’m with. I’ll own this lol.

First physical trait you notice in the sex you're attracted to? Wouldn’t say I’m automatically attracted to any sex. With everyone though, I tend to notice body language first which kiiinda counts as a physical trait.

How about personality wise? Whether they look approachable/easy to talk to or not.

Are you sick often? Almost never.

Would you rather have strep throat or an ear infection? Uh I’d rather not be sick at all hahaha.

When did you last shower? This morning, before work. We have online meetings every Monday morning, and I wanted to look fresh and clean for it.

Do you have neat handwriting? I’d say so. I get a lot of compliments about my penmanship and my friends usually call on me when they need someone with consistent and clean handwriting, so I guess must be holding my pens right.

Are you a messy or organized person? I’d say my workspaces are always organized but my personal space (car, backpack, etc) is messy.

At what age do you hope to get married? By the end of my 20s or early 30s.

Is being thin really all that great? Idk, I feel like the experience differs per person. I don’t have complaints about it for the most part, but it can get annoying when there are certain tops I’d like to wear but will never be able to pull off and thus have to leave on the rack just because my chest is flat or my overall figure is rather tiny.

Which of the seven deadly sins do you think you're most guilty of? Pride.

How much time have you spent on the computer today? 9 hours and counting. WFH is basically being on the computer all day, so that’s a big reason why I’ve racked up so many hours.

What size shoe are you? 6–7.5.

How was the weather today? The sun was out but fortunately it wasn’t all that hot for me to feel uncomfortable. I hate that it was bright all day, though. My disposition is more likely to improve if it’s cloudy and a little gloomy, haha.

Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? Above.

Do you know how to use Photoshop? I tried to play and experiment with it as a teen, but it just never made sense to me. I hate touching any kind of Adobe program.

Admit it, you're thinking about someone right now. Eh, false. I’m thinking of how much longer this survey will still be.

Where is he/she?

Where was your first job? My first internship was also at a PR agency, if that counts.

Favorite year in high school? Junior year.

East or West? As in parts of the world? East all the way, of course.

Where did your first kiss take place? On my bed.

What color do you wear most often? Probably maroon because of how many UP shirts I have.

Who was the last person you talked on the phone to? That would be my dad.

Have you ever done your own laundry? Kinda. I’ve had to wash my blanket a few times because Cooper peed on them.

Have you ever been to a night club? Yes.

Are you allergic to anything? Nope.

What's the best place you have ever eaten? Mendokoro Ramenba by a freaking mile.

Do you own a hair straightener? No. My mom does; if I ever need a straightener I just borrow hers.

Are you barefoot right now? Yep, always am when I’m at home except for the rare times I put socks on.

Are you subscribed to any magazine? No. Even when magazine subscriptions were popular I was never subscribed to any; I didn’t see the point when I could just get the new issue every month at the mall myself lol.

Puppies or kittens? Puppies.

If you had a billion dollars, where would your first investment be made? First I would probably read up on investment so that I don’t end up making decisions I’ll regret. My first agenda is to help my parents settle whatever payments they’re making at the moment, so that they don’t have to worry about any of that crap anymore.

Who is the best artist you've seen live? PARAMORE. I mean they’re artists, as in plural, but still.

Any major plans coming up this week? Keep myself alive.

Did you know they never told you Arnold's last name in Hey, Arnold? Never realized that but I don’t really care too much, considering I was never into the show.

Would you rather watch a romantic comedy or watch a thrilling horror movie? Romantic comedy, as long as it’s one I’ve already seen and enjoyed, like Love Actually or The Proposal. Most other romcoms are too cheesy and suck.

How is your hair styled right now? It’s in a ponytail that’s been unchanged all day, so it’s a bit messy at this point.

Favorite person that you've talked to today? Angela.

Do you need AC right now? I’m good. It’s a little chilly tonight, so yay.

Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? My first name is already my nickname - most people just call me Robyn. At home, though, I’m usually called a shortened version of my name.

Name something you're proud of. I confided in Angela today that I’m finally starting to think of seeing a therapist. Which I think is such a big realization to have and a big choice to have made. So yay me. Let’s hope I actually push through with it, and let’s hope I’m able to land a job soon so I can finally fucking afford to see one.

Are you a hopeless romantic? I never knew what this meant and I don’t feel like learning tonight.

How do you feel about couples who say 'I love you' too soon? No judgment. I don’t comment on how other couples navigate their relationship; it’s their thing.

What's the most recent favor you've done for somebody? Can’t remember.

Are you at home right now? Yep.

What did you last spend money on? Gas.

Does any accent annoy you? Stereotypical ones, like how Filipino-American stand-up comedians always try to cash in on Filipino quirks and make fun of thick Filipino accents, which makes all Filipinos look like we can’t speak English ‘properly,’ whatever properly means. Full-blooded Filipinos are so sick of that shit. We get it, the cellpown is ober der -___-

How about turn you on? None actively turn me on.

Are you wearing any jewelry? No.

Do you get along better with your mom or your dad? Dad. Easier to talk to and we share more interests.

Are you craving anything right now? Sushi.

What's worse: Crocs or Uggs? I’d go with Uggs, because Crocs actually look cute on kids so at least it suits one market lol

Do you knock before you open doors? Yep, always. I learned the habit because my mom never knocks and I quickly realized I don’t want to be that kind of person.

Do you know what a sock on the doorknob means? I think so.

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

What's your zodiac sign? Taurus.

Does Fred from Youtube annoy you? I don’t think he ever did.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #222

“hold your breath, my dear, we’re going under.”

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No. Have you ever stayed online for a long time waiting for someone? Ha ha, yeah... I did that for Mini a lot when I was younger. Would you survive in prison? I can almost guarantee I'd find a way to kill myself, no. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over if I'm making eye contact correctly. Like the WHOLE time I will be thinking about it. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? I had a lot of childhood cats run over, and that was always hard to see. As for coping, I just... did. What else do you do. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Mini skirts, slutty or stylish? Um, what you wear doesn't determine whether or not you're "slutty." They don't bother me. Do you like a partner who is clean cut or rugged? A mix. Pale or tan, which would you rather be? I like pale skin, I just don't like the texture of mine. The negative of pale skin is the fact you can see flaws more clearly. Is walking cats strange? (like walking dogs) No. What about kids on leashes? What do you think about that? That shit is wild. Teach your children better, or keep them in your sights at all times if they have some kind of condition that makes it challenging to teach them properly. How many piercings have you had, BESIDES ears, no one cares. Two. New tats in your near future? Whenever I myself have the money, my next tattoo appointment will be to enhance my Mark tribute one to better the galaxy texture. I love the guy who's done my tats so far, but there are better out there, and I don't feel he achieved my vision. This tattoo is WILD important to me; it has to be perfect. After that, a "new" tattoo probably won't happen until I have a job or I'm gifted money. How about piercings or re-piercings? "In the near future" is the criteria I'm guessing is still relevant? It depends on how quickly I lose enough weight for my collarbones to be clearly prominent to get dermals. I've been fucking stagnated for a year, though, so I don't know when the hell that's happening... Who would you like to hang out with? There's a lot of old friends and acquaintances that fit this. Next new thing you are wanting to try! Idk. Some sort of job I can actually accomplish. Would you ever visit a psychic medium? Definitely not; I don't believe they're legit. Are some days a waste of makeup? Um so idk if you know, author, but people wear makeup for their own satisfaction. If it makes you feel beautiful, then hell no it's not a waste. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? Okay I fucking adore Jeffree Star y'all. He's a goddamn Mood and inspirational as ALL hell in terms of his determination, work ethic, and open-mindedness. I watch everything he uploads ever, even though I'm not really interested in makeup. It's cool to watch though; it's an art to me. Do you have a PillowPet? No, but omfg. One of my favorite Christmas memories ever is the night my niece, when she was around two or so, was given one (or something like it?) the night before, we turned the lights out, and lit it up so the colorful stars were all over the room. She was absolutely marveling over it. That was the same night my sister revealed she was pregnant with my nephew, actually. That was a great night. Actually felt like a family. Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank FUCK no. Have you ever wanted an ex back, but found out they were dating someone? I've talked about Jason and Ashley before. God that was a bad. Bad. Fuck-ing. Time. Do you like Placebo? I don't listen to them. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? I mean as a kid, yeah. Idr as a teenager or adult. Would you rather have a wiener dog or an Italian greyhound? The greyhound. Dachshunds are precious, but as of semi-recently, I'm personally against breeding pets with damaging/unhealthy traits, and dachshunds are very susceptible to spine issues. Idk if greyhounds have any issues like that. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? Bitch we poor, no. What is the next craft you are going to make? Probably something for Sara for some special event. I don't think that's much of a spoiler, so I don't mind sharing it. Do you learn choreography easily? I was decent when I was a dance student, but no, I can promise you no. My memory is laughable. If you had to choose, would you rather be taller or shorter? Taller, I guess? Idk. Do you believe that Jesus will come back in your lifetime? No, I don't believe he ever will. What color is your winter coat? ... Shit dude, idr. Idk if I even have one, actually. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Gimme all ur Reese's cups. Have you ever spent your birthday alone? No. Have you ever had a themed b-day party? I'm sure I did as a kid. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No. I am now tho. Which dollar store is your favorite? Here, Dollar Generals are everywhere and generally the preferred one, I believe. What food gives you diarrhea? Totally serious, most exceptionally "fancy" foods; by that, I assume things with lots of intricate spices and other ingredients. At least severe gas pains are almost guaranteed when I eat out somewhere. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Ha ha man, I remember as an elementary school student though, we had a play where I SO wanted to be Snow White. What is the most fascinating part of nature? Evolution. I don't know how I once didn't believe in it. Would you ever go vegetarian? I am serious about returning to vegetarianism when/if I get to a weight I'm satisfied with (losing weight w/o meat is more difficult than with, particularly for an extremely picky eater). I wish I could be a total vegan, but I know I'm not capable of that. Once you actually learn about slaughterhouses and farm life... no. What berry is your favorite? STRAW!!!!!!!BERRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is your dream house? Something in the woods with a nice yard/outdoor decor, flowers, wildlife... What was the reason in you crying last? PTSD. Are there any movies in the theater that you’d like to see? The new IT and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. What do you think of Coca Cola? It's my third-fave soda. What about polar bears? Gorgeous animals. I will R I O T if they go extinct. My best friend(s) are/is... Sara. When do you want to have your first kid? Never. I am faaar from cut out to be a mother. Which stovetop burner do you use the most? I don't cook, so. The times I've made eggs, uh... I think I use the bottom right? Do you use a dishwasher or wash dishes by hand? Ugh, we don't have one. What year did you graduate high school? 2014. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I should with how paranoid I am. What is your favorite gas station? Sheetz is the way to go down here. What have been some of your best garage sale finds? *shrugs* Idr the last time I went to one. Ever worked two jobs or more at once? Hell no. I wouldn't survive. How often do you check your email? Every day, mainly for school. What would you do if your ex came to you crying? It would depend on who. "The" ex, I don't give a fuck how I feel about him, he's getting a tight-ass hug because seeing him cry is awful, and I will always care about him to a certain degree. Well actually, I'd ask him before hugging; I don't know if he'd be fine with me touching him. Girt would get a big 'ole hug for sure. Juan, Tyler, and Aaron I'd ask if they wanted a hug. I'd definitely ask any of them if they wanted to talk/vent to me about whatever is wrong; I can't stand seeing people cry. What school do you go to, what grade? I'm a super late freshman in college. How do you feel about school? It's been a drastic change in my daily life and thus has caused stress, but nevertheless I'm ecstatic to be back because I'm actually making progress towards going somewhere. Are you still a virgin? So I know it sounds like it makes NO sense w/o details, but seriously, I don't know. We had "cheaty" ways to just barely skirt around it because at the time I was abstinent, but pretty sure at some point it became sex. Do you eat chips or crackers more? Man, I haven't had chips in a loooong time... though I love them, man. We have crackers at the house usually, and I snack on them occasionally. Is your bed next to a wall? Who doesn't have their bed against at least one?? Is your bed next to a window? There's one beside me against the wall. Do you have neat handwriting? I think so. The only thing I don't like is I write SOOOOOOOOOO slow. Would you rather be a singer or a dancer? Dancer. Would you rather be a musician or a painter? Painter. What did your hair look like in high school? Long and normally brown, but sometimes I dyed it black with colored highlights. Favorite flavor of hot chocolate? Normal?? What is your top priority in life? My happiness, probably. Have you ever made a gingerbread house? Yeah. Sucky ones, but they were gingerbread houses, lol. Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? EW both are gross. Skeletons or scarecrows? I'll see you in the Skeleton War, fuckers. Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? My Writing teacher. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? I did a TOTAL 180 on LGBT rights, and my former, intense pro-life stance has altered quite a lot to mostly pro-choice. What’s an achievement you hope to see humanity accomplish in your lifetime? Man, a lot... A total ban from plastic and finding an alternative for it would be great, as well as the cure of cancer and H.I.V. Make gay marriage legal worldwide. Make great progress on cleaning the oceans. I could go on and on. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? As far as personally, possibly. Like, obviously my doctors do. How do you feel when you’re the center of attention? *buys that red button that says "no" in various fashions solely for this occasion* Are you and your S/O Facebook official? She doesn't have a FB, but mine does say "in a relationship." Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Not that I know well anymore; a former best friend is in the process of becoming one, though. So proud of her. Which would bother you more: being told you’re not likable or being told you’re not sensible? Being told I'm not likable would really hurt. How many bedrooms does your house have? Two. Have you ever had a dream in which you died? Yeah. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not really. Everyone gets them. Do you use Snapchat? No. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Yes. What was your first job? And how long did you work there? I was a sales associate at GameStop. I was employed for like two months, but I worked very few days before I crumbled. Where is the last place you were other then where you are right now? School. How do you feel about the last person you kissed? I adore her. Lol, Lawl, Rotfl, Lmao, or Lmfao? (Which you use most) Lmao or lol. Have you/Do you know anyone that grows weed? Not knowingly to me. Do you really care about name brands? Not just for the sake of being a certain name; I do, however, care about the quality of brands, of course, such as taste for foods or being comfortable in clothes. Describe your favorite pair of jeans to me please. I don't have any. When I was actually slim though, I had a pair of maroon skinny jeans with a black dappling texture, and there were holes in them where the fabric was just black, and I loooooved them. Those and my leather boots was A Look. To wash in the shower, do you use a loofa? That's not the technical name for what I use according to Mom when I've called them that, but rather a body sponge or something like that, but it's like the same thing. Have you ever ridden on a horse? Yes, though not at a gallop or anything "real." Just at things like school fairs. Are you polite? I think I'm very polite, honestly. Do you prefer bright or muted colors? Bright, usually. Can you roll your tongue? I used to be able to after practicing all day once with a friend ha ha, but I haven't been able to for a long time. Definitely can't now with snake eyes. Are you a light weight when it comes to alcohol? No, apparently. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? British and country. How loud do you listen to music? Too loud, I know. Are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, real life. I don't think I'm half bad online. Do you bruise easily? So easily that I was tested for anemia or whatever it's called where you bleed easily (the test was negative, thankfully). Despite feeling bruised, though, I usually don't have an actual mark. Have you ever bought pre-ripped jeans? All my jeans were. I hate plain, boring jeans. What are you most likely to spend money on? Tattoos, lol... I genuinely think I'm good with money, I feel because of the financial position I've grown up and lived in, although I have never had a stable source of income, so it's hard to really determine that yet. I'm quite sure I'll be fine, but I really do hope I handle my money well when I do and don't invest all my spendable (as in, not money that I'm saving for emergencies) money into just tats. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Welcome to my life, lol. I'm at an age where it's starting to get embarrassing, but. Idk how to change it. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? *shrug* When was the last time you (dis)liked someone without really knowing them? I dunno. I try to not do that. When was the last time you wore a mask? What did it look like? Hell if I remember. I don't even remember wearing any on Halloween as a child. What comes up on your recommended list on YouTube? Mainly let's plays or music. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Hell no, that wouldn't last long. How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? One. Do you have any gay family members? My mom has a gay cousin. Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Sara. Would you ever get a boob job? No; I don't care enough about them too. I wish they were smaller. I liked mine when I was a healthy weight, so, let's get back to that size, please. What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? Aaron, I think he actually is. Juan, trust me, he's not. Jason couldn't convince me he was gay even if he tried. I very highly doubt he'd be bi/pan, either. Girt, I would be surprised, but not like, immensely. I don't have a clue about Tyler and if he has any gay tendencies/history. Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? NO SIR-REE. Do people ever compliment your eyes? Yeah. Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? I don't know. I used to feel REALLY strongly about porn just being a big 'ole fucking nope, but whatever man, we're sexual animals. Better you take care of urges yourself rather than, you know, raping someone or something. If I personally caught my s/o doing it, idk how I'd feel, but knowing me and my self-esteem, I'd feel I'd probably jump to the whole (if we were serious) "um hi I'm your fckng gf what am I not enough" thought path. I don't think I'd be livid, though. Ask the old Britt, and we would've broken up there, probably. Who’s the last person that hung up on you? *shrug* Do you have a common first name? Yeah. Have you ever been engaged? No. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Four, currently. They're gonna be covered one day. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? I will, without fail, get the spicy shrimp fritas and be the happiest human being on Earth. How do you feel about bats? I absolutely adore them. Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? Quite the opposite, actually. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use it. Do you like it when guys wear hats? I have zero opinion on this. Burger King, McDonald's, or Wendy's? I prefer Wendy's. If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? No. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours? No, I'm not. I generally don't even have to like, intensely study; I tend to learn upon reading things, or in like math, performing the actions just a couple times. "Studying" doesn't tend to work for me; if it gets to that point, it probably won't stick, regardless of how many times I try. Are you a lazy person? I hate admitting just how lazy I am. But I mean again, it also depends on what is at stakes. Does your house have a doorbell? Yes, though I actually don't know if the doorbell works... Favorite album? Ozzy Osbourne's Black Rain. Favorite farm animal? PIGS! Has your Facebook ever been hacked? No. Do you spell gray with an A or an E? I use the American spelling ("gray"). Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? I would be perfectly and entirely happy with purely money for my birthday, because that equals tattoos, lmao. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Have you ever played laser tag? Once on a double-date with Jason and our old roommates/friends. Do you ever share things on Facebook? Almost all I do are share things I support, find funny, find as inspirational or cute, stuff like that. I can confidently say the majority of people I even have as "friends" on there do not care that much about my personal life. Is anyone you’re close to in the hospital right now? I mean, define "close." My grandmother's going through chemo, but we're not like... my definition of particularly "close," though she's close-ish family, so idk. Is your Wifi protected? Of course. What did you have for lunch today? I didn't eat lunch. How often do people write on your Facebook wall? On my birthday, lmao. Does your phone have a cover on it? No. I'd say I want one, but way more than that, I want a new phone. Mine is godawful. What color was your swim suit this year? I mean my most recently-worn is black, but I think it'd probably be too big for me now. I haven't swam in a long time. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? No. How do you eat Oreos? I'm one of those people that breaks the cookie to eat the cream first. Who or what sleeps with you? My cat Roman. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? Yes, but spelled differently. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Honestly, it's become almost embarrassing to say I was ever pro-life. I'm vehemently pro-choice now. What color LED is the display in your car? Okay so Mom's has a rainbow of options, but I think it's currently stuck on... purple? I think? How am I unsure???? I'm in it every day?????????? Who was your first kiss with? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. What kind of milk do you drink? I'll drink anywhere between skim to whole milk, but I'm not really a fan of skim despite having grown up with it. What aren’t you afraid to stand up for? I'd stand up for gay rights if it killed me. Do you know anybody in the military? Loosely. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have any STDs? No. What’s your preferred salad dressing? YO the Olive Garden dressing is b o m b. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver? No. Who’s your celebrity crush? I'm almost 24 years old ha ha ha hahaha I'm too old for a celebrity crush aha hahaa haa aahha ah hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa- What color is your fridge? Black. Do you know the metric system well enough to live in Canada? No, admittedly. What was the biggest bruise you’ve ever had? Tell me the place (on your body) and the story of it! Idr. If you have Etsy account - show the very last item you added to the favorites. If not - either skip or just visit Etsy and find one thing you like: I think I have one, but I don't use it. I don't feel like looking. What would you do if you knew that you will be single to your very death (even if you’re in a relationship now)? Nothing would change...? My relationship status doesn't alter my goals and such. Are there any exchange students at your school? We have a LOT of foreign students at my school, so I'd assume so. Have you got any half or step siblings? I have three (actually four, but I don't know one tho) half-siblings and technically a step-brother, but I don't see him as a "brother," really. What cars do your siblings drive, if they do drive? My older sister has a red car, and my younger has a... black Kia, I think? It's dark is all I know for sure, and I only know the brand because it's new. I don't live with either or see their cars frequently elsewhere, so idk. What about your parents? Idk what kind my dad drives, but BOY do I know my mom's car, lmao. It's an older white Kia (I think?) with the bumper fuckin zip-tied onto the car bc it was given to us after a dance friend hit a poor deer, lmao. Look, we don't complain, shit was free. Do you like kid’s movies? Yo I do NOT trust you if you claim you like NO "kids' movie." Describe your handbag. I'm actually gonna look it up. (https://sourpussclothingwholesale.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/night-owl-bag.jpg?w=584&h=364) When was the last time you had to take someone home? ME, never. I don't have my license because I'm terrified of driving. Who was it, and where did you take them home from? N/A Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? Sara Jaaaaaane!!! :'> There are other friends I'd like to meet, too. If so, which website did you meet on? Sara and I met via YouTube when it was actually community-oriented. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, multiple times. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, I guess. She didn't actually like, force me outside, but I had to call my mother to pick me up. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. Did you get swine flu? No. What is your favorite type of cat? Aesthetically, I find Persians to be way too cute, though I don't support their continued breeding. It's literally abuse to breed animals that deformed. Do you support the LGBTQ community? I'm bisexual, so like- Have you ever eaten a veggie burger? Yeah, the Morningstar brand from Burger King (not the Impossible Burger one). It's genuinely not bad. If you could meet any major political figure, who would it be? I'm not educated enough on like, any, to properly answer this question. If you drink Monster, what is your favorite flavor? N/A Do you own any Webkinz stuffed animals? I was that Bad Bitch(tm) with like,,,, almost all of them back in the day. If so, do you have a Webkinz online account? It exists, but idr the password sobs. If you had/have a Club Penguin account, how old were you when you got it? I would have a character for like two days, not go back on for years, repeat a couple times... but idk how old I was. Do you own any Nintendo video game consoles/handhelds? GameBoys and a DS Lite, yes. What religion were you raised in? Roman Catholicism. Are you still that religion, if you had one? Far from it. What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Buddhism and Wicca. What ancient culture intrigues you the most, if any? Idk. Were/are you a teacher’s pet? Not like, the kind that sucked up to the teacher for their personal benefit, but if you mean just as in the teacher's favorite, yeah. Do you like pink lemonade? Hell yeah man. What’s your favorite U2 song, if you have one? I don't listen to them. Were your parents born in the United States? Yeah. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? I want it to be perfectly and violently clear that I fucking despise you if a child being fed fucking offends you. Why or why not? Because women's bodies aren't sexual fucking objects designed for your viewing pleasure. Write an unpopular/offensive opinion of yours here. I’m interested. Buckle up, lads. Seatbelts fastened? Ass properly in the seat? Airbags in place? There are two genders.

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Live blogging the Hobbit pt.7

Flies And Spiders

I’ve been looking forward to this one.

“There were black squirrels in the wood. As Bilbo’s sharp inquisitive eyes got used to seeing things he could catch glimpses of them whisking off the path and scuttling behinf tree-trunks.” I should write a fic about this myself, but I think it would be a funny scene to have Bilbo, with his sharper eyesight, mention the squirrels and the dwarves just. Have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about? What squirrels?? Bilbo: … the squirrels. Dwarves: wut. B:The squirrels that run around every once in a while. And him trying to point them out but being unable to because of their speed and their black colour. Eventually, after they’ve been in the woods a while, becoming irritable and kinda muddled and just really freaked out, Bilbo snaps and out of nowhere throws a rock at one of them, only stunning it, but effectively bringing it down. The dwarves are all like, Bilbo wtf, both because it was very sudden and because they didn’t know he had that good of an aim, but he just goes “you see it? you see it? oh thank heavens I was starting to think I was going crazy and just imagining it.” That’s when they decide to try to shoot them and eat them and when they realise… well, I’ll keep it for that bulletpoint.

“Even the dwarves felt it, who were used to tunneling, and lived at times for long whiles without the light of the sun; but the hobbit, who liked holes to make a house in but not to spend summer days in, felt that he was being slowly suffocated.”

Lmao why does he always get the worst of it? Tolkien, I’ll see you in hell.

“They tried shooting the squirrels, and they wasted many arrows before they managed to bring one down on the path. But when they roasted it, it proved horrible to taste, and they shot no more squirrels.”

Here it is, back to the story, they hunt the squirrels, realise they’re gross, and are like, “Bilbo, you’re the most weirdly skillful yet useless person we’ve ever met.”

‘Dori is the strongest, but Fili is the youngest and still has the best sight.” Fili is the what

“All the time he was wondering whether there were spiders in the tree, and how he was going to get down again (except by falling).”

why not

“They did not care tuppence about the butterflies, and ere only made more angry when he told them of the beautiful breeze, which they were too heavy to climb up and feel.” It is kind of tacky, Bilbo

Double fuck, my bookmark fell off and the spine got cracked. This has literally never happened to me before D:<

In theory, leaving a mark that something’s been used and loved is a concept I like. In practice? This is bothering me.

“That night they ate the last scraps and crumbs of food; and next morning when they woke the first thing they noticed was that they were still gnawingly hungry, and the nest thing was that it was raining and that here and there the drip of it was dropping heavily on the forest floor.” I mean, they’ve eaten the last of the food and they’re still hungry — chances are that even if they’d known they were almost out of the woods, they wouldn’t have made it anyway. (So certain authors can stow it.)

“There were many people there, elvish-looking folk, all dressed in green and brown and sitting on sawn rings of the felled trees in a great circle.” Why elvish-looking and not just elves?

“They were lost in a completely lightless dark and they could not even find one another, not for a long time at any rate. After blundering frantically in the gloom, falling over logs, bumping crash into trees, and shouting and calling till they must have waked everything in the forest for miles, at last they managed to gather themselves in a bundle and count themselves by touch.” First off, I want to serve this as an example of and proof that Tolkien, while not going quite so low as to make scatological and fart jokes, used plenty of slapstick comedy. Second, oh my god you guys, that is not the way to find each other in the dark!

“Thorin said: ‘No rushing forward this time! No one is to stir from hiding till I say. I shall send Mr. Baggins alone first to talk to them. They won’t be frightened of him--(‘What about me of them?’ thought Bilbo)-- and any way I hope they won’t do anything nasty to him.’” All praise the fearless and generous leader! 

It reminds me of a fanfic I really like, still in progress, where the fanon dynamic for Bagginshield (and indeed, most common tropes of romance) gets subverted by having Thorin trust and rely on Bilbo to protect him instead of being overprotective. It was started after the first movie but before the others, and I can really see it in the book. (Of course, that probably has something to do with the fact that Tolkien didn’t write it to be romantic.)

“‘They are the best I am likely to get in this beastly place,’ he mutteres, ad he lay down beside the dwarves and tried to go back to sleep and find his dream again.” Dwarf(and hobbit)pile!

“He was deep in thoughts of bacon and eggs and toast and butter when he felt something touch him. Something like a strong sticky string was against his left hand, and when he tried to move he found that his legs were already wrapped in the same stuff, so that when he got up he fell over. 

Then the great spider, who had been busy tying him up while he dozed, came from behind him and came at him.” Almost executed for daydreaming about breakfast in the middle of Mirkwood at night crimes.

“He beat the creature off with his hands--it was trying to poison him to keep him quiet, as small spiders do to flies--until he remembered his sword and drew it out.”

Bilbo: *balls up fists and swings them like cartoon boxer* Let’s do this Shire style!

But also, I want to point out that it says he beat it off not tried to beat it off. That implies success.

Also, I’m kind of freaked out at the implication that that’s a small spider.

“Then it went mad and leaped and danced and flung out its legs in horrible jerks, until he killed it with another stroke; and then he fell down and remembered nothing more for a long while.

There was the usual dim grey light of the forest-day about him when he came to his senses.” Fair.

“Bilbo was a pretty fair shot with a stone, and it did not take him long to find a nice smooth egg-shaped one that fitted his hand cosily. As a boy he used to practise throwing stones at things, until rabbits and squirrels, and even birds, got out of his was as quick as lightning if they saw him stoop; and even grow--up he had still spent a deal of his time at quoits, dart-throwing, shooting at the wand, bowls, ninepins and other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort--indeed he could do lots of things, besides blowing smoke-rings, asking riddles and cooking, that I haven’t had time to tell you about. There is no time now.” There are so many levels of hilarity here, like

1- Bilbo used to be a fucking menace. And he didn’t quite get over it either!

2- They only ran away when he stooped? This just makes me think that he might have done nice things to make them at least tolerate him otherwise, instead of outright avoiding him or attacking him. Like, “ah, it’s that little boy, who’ll either feed us, he’s so nice and- uh oh he stooped, time to go boys.” Alternatively, it’s genetic memory warning them away from Bilbo. I was thinking maybe it was about all hobbits, but it does say “until they got out of his way”, meaning there was a time when they didn’t.

3- That’s such a hilariously late time in the story to introduce us to the fact that the main character has not only good aim but a strong enough arm to throw a stone right through a giant spider’s web, which would be thicker and probably more durable than the normal variety, already stronger than steel. And then kill the spider on the other side.

4- “Other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort.” Idk man, other games of the sort, figure it out yourself.

5- I want to know about the other stuff Bilbo can do.

“This is what he sang:

Old fat spider spinning in a tree!

Old fat spider can’t see me!

Attercop! Attercop!

Won’t you stop,

Stop your spinning and look for me?

Old Tomnoddy, all big body.

Old Tomnoddy can’t spy me!

Attercop! Attercop!

Down you drop!

You’ll never catch me up your tree!

Not very good perhaps, but then you must remember that he had to make it up himself, on the spur of a very awkward moment.” Tolkien, shut up, it’s beautiful.

Also, lol, about to be eaten by spiders, how awks.

“Standing now in the middle of the hunting and spinning insects Bilbo plucked up his courage and began a new song.” Bilbo: If I’m gonna die, it’s gonna be as annoyingly as possible.

Honestly, though, this is my favourite song in the book.

“Bilbo’s next job was to loose a dwarf.” Very different from losing a dwarf, which he’s already done x14 (Thorin counts twice, especially considering he hasn’t even realized he’s lost him yet).

“Suddenly Bilbo noticed that some of the spiders had gathered round old Bombur on the floor, and had tied him up again and were dragging him away. He gave a shout and slashed at the spiders in front of him. They quickly gave way, and he scrambled and fell down the tree right into the middle of those on the ground. His little sword was something new in the way of stings for them. How it darted to and fro! It shone with delight as he stabbed at them. Half a dozen were killed before the rest drew off and left Bombur to Bilbo.” Bilbo’s gone berserk.

Also, Sting shone with delight? What a bloodthirsty blade.

“Away behind them now the shouting and singing suddenly stopped.” DUN DUN DUUUUUN

“Things were looking pretty bad again, when suddenly Bilbo reappeared, and charged into the astonished spiders unexpectedly from the side.

‘Go on! Go on!” he shouted. “I will do the stinging!”

And he did. He darted backwards and forwards, slashing at spider-threads, hacking at their legs, and stabbing at their fat bodies if they came too near. The spiders swelled with rage, and spluttered and frothed, and hissed out horrible curses; but they had become mortally afraid of Sting, and dared not come very near, now that it had come back. So curse as they would, their prey moved slowly but steadily away. It was a most terrible business, and seemed to take hours.” Love this part. All very heroic.

“They knew only too well that they would soon all have been dead if it had not been for the hobbit; and they thanked him many times. Some of them even got up and bowed right to the ground before him, though they fell over with the effort, and could not get on their legs again for some time.” I can imagine Bilbo all flustered, going “good. Hope you’ve learned your lesson and won’t be doing that again. Limit yourself to fawning.”

“All of a sudden Dwalin opened an eye, and looked round at them. ‘Where is Thorin?’ he asked.”Lmao, finally!

“They differed from the High Elves of the West, and were more dangerous and less wise.” Feral.

“All this was well known to every dwarf, though Thorin’s family had had nothing to do with the old quarrel I have spoken of. Consequently Thorin was angry at their treatment of him, when they took their spell off and he came to his senses.” Another change done for the movie: Thorin’s family wasn’t involved in the feud.

Also lmao this weapon, a prisoner and all “how dare you”.

I’m not going to talk about the conversation between Thorin and Thranduil bc it’s probably been done to death.

Definitely my favourite chapter this far. Main character’s skills and learned courage begins to show? Check. He uses them in a fight that gives him extra confidence? Check. Heroics mixed with witty commentary and one-liners? Check. Team begins to see them in a new, more positive light? Check. Elves being made fun of and painted as kinda ridiculous? Check. (This one’s very subjective ig.) 

[cinnbar-bun]

Mistake Managers- Peace

Yoosung x Depressed! Reader

Description: You’re all flawed. But it doesn’t matter how many mistakes either of you make, you know you’ll make it through-together. 

A/n: Hey guys, so after getting into the hellhole that is Mistake Messengers, I was inspired to make a little feel good series with all the characters. Think of it as a sort of means of reminding you all that you can make it!

Warning: Mentions of depression

Yoosung was happy. 

You were happy. 

That’s what each of you told yourselves as the days went on. 

I am happy, I am fine, I am normal. 

But you both knew in your hearts-you weren’t. You weren’t happy, you weren’t fine, and this sure as hell was not normal. 

As you two chatted in the RFA messenger, it became quite clear to you that he was not as happy as he let on. In fact, you related a bit too much. 

The extracurricular’s, the obsession with a single hobby or activity in the hopes that it’d make you better, and the constant insecurities. The others may not have noticed, but you understood. 

Even though Yoosung was depressed, you felt strange. On one hand, it was a relief that someone knew how you felt, but on the other, you felt sad, why was he suffering? He didn’t deserve it. 

But you also felt scared. You weren’t as whole as you made yourself seem, and you feared how he’d react to seeing you as broken as you truly were. You finally found someone you loved, and he was the most precious thing to you. If he left...

You shook yourself out of your negative thoughts. Yoosung was sweet, he’d never do that. Would he? 

Sorry, (Y/n), playing LOLOL again. What are you doing up so late? He messaged. 

Couldn’t sleep. 

Ah, neither could I. I have a pizza coming soon, hopefully it’ll knock me out.

Again??? Yoosungie, it’s past midnight! I worry about you, you know? 

Aw, how sweet, but really...just forget it okay? I do this all the time!

But why not change that? You know....what if you get sick?

(Y/n), really, don’t worry. I’m fine

Are you really? 

Yes, I’m fine. I’m good. 

Oh...goodnight then. Please get some rest. 

He didn’t sleep. His eyes said all you needed. Bloodshot, with the heavy bags, he stayed up all night. Not that you fared much better, which was why you drove him to a nearby coffee shop. 

“Ah, this’ll pick me up! Spent all night raiding with my guild, we got tons of-” 

“Yoosung, can I say something?” You asked quietly as you fiddled with your cup of coffee. 

“W-what? Go ahead but...” Yoosung’s eyes shot open, almost in fear. Did you want to end it? Was him playing LOLOL annoying you? Oh god, who else would care for him like you did and-

“I have depression.” You bluntly stated. Yoosung relaxed slightly and stared at you, a sympathetic look in his eyes. 

“A-ah...I’ve been a bad boyfriend, huh? All this time, you focused on me when really-” 

“No, please don’t talk negatively about yourself. I just wanted to tell you because...” You gently held his hand in yours and gave him a small smile. “Because I know what you’re going through, Yoosung.” 

“I’m sorry, (Y/n).” He sniffled. “I didn’t notice it and yet you read me like an open book. Makes me wonder why you bother with me when I can’t even comfort you right.” He couldn’t look you in the eyes, only staring at your intertwined hands with a sad smile. 

“Yoosung, no. Don’t feel bad for this. I want us to be better, together. We are a couple, a team, one single unit. It’s time we fight these battles together.” You reassured him, and his face lit up slightly. 

“You always know the best things to say, (Y/n). I wanna be someone you can depend, from now till forever!” He laughed, gripping his other hand around yours. “I promise, I’ll be a better boyfriend for you!” 

“You are already the best, Yoosungie~!” 

Yooooooosung!!! You have to go to sleep!!!

(Y/n)!!! Five more minutes, pleeeeeease??

No! It’s almost 11, you have a big test tomorrow too!

Ugh, fine! How was your day? Seven kept saying you were out looking for another boyfriend >~<

lol Yoosungie~ why would I look for anyone else?

I know you wouldn’t, but Luciel is a meanie!! Btw!!! Did you know drinking strawberry milk could cure depression?? 

Not this again...did Seven say that? 

Yeah! He knows a lot, so it must be true!!

NOOoooooooo, he’s just kidding!! 

But I went out and bought 3 gallons of strawberry milk!! I don’t even like strawberry milk!! What am I supposed to do ;^;????

Ummm...idk like, give it to Zen or Seven?? Maybe Jaehee will even take it.

Aghhhhhhhh I’m so mad!!! How could he do this to me?????

Easy Yoosungie~ it was just a prank. Next time we’ll get him back, okay? You did remember to eat, right? A HEALTHY meal? 

Yeah, I decided to cook the recipe you sent me! It tasted great welll uhhhhh,,, minus the burnt peas but yeah!! I’ll cook it for you when you come over!!

Yay! I love your cooking! >^<

Did you eat too?? 

No

WHAT!! WHY DIDNT YOU EAT!!! YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! YOU NEED TO BE HEALTHY!!! I CANT HAVE YOU BE MALNOURISHED LIKE ME!!!

LET ME FINISH!! I had a really big lunch. Me and Jaehee went out to a nearby restaurant and we ate a lot. She ended up having to leave halfway through because Jumin called 

Oof, I’m glad you’re having fun tho. It makes me happy you are being more active now!

Yeah, it’s all thank to you boo~

I didn’t do anything! It’s because of you I’m better than ever!

I love you, Yoosung

I love you more (Y/n)!!! 

You were happy. 

Yoosung was happy. 

For once, you felt peace. As you two held hands and took a nice stroll through the park, you chatted about your day. 

“-and then Zen started screaming about Elizabeth being near him!” You shouted the last part, and Yoosung broke into a fit of laughter. 

“Is he okay now?” He said between chuckles. 

“Dunno, didn’t ask. Maybe we should pay him a visit!” 

“Yeah, let’s do that. Oh, guess what (Y/n)?” 

“What?” 

“I aced the exam! Teacher was so proud of me he sent me an email too!” He smiled widely as you squealed and hugged him tightly. 

“I knew you could do it!” 

“It’s all thanks to you!” Yoosung stated as he kissed the top of your head. 

“Thank you, (Y/n).”

This was happy. This was peace. This was love. 

While you both had your ups and downs, it felt great knowing you both had each other. You had your cheerleader, your number one fan, and a loving partner with you. 

Mistakes are common, after all, you’re just human at the end of the day. Being invited to the RFA might have started out as some freak accident-

But Yoosung was sure as hell not one. 

There was always light, even in the most darkest of places. 

Yours just happened to take shape in the form of a blonde university student. 

[makomaragi]

left over thing from femslash february. it’s long and dumb but idk.  a prequel to another fic I wrote last year. i’m just kind of over tweaking this lol 

prompt: jewelry

pairing: juniper/fennel (scientificshipping), but burnet/kukui are there for a little bit

rating: um pg they talk about sex for a second

fandom: pokemon

Research never seemed to take her to Alola as often as it did other regions, and after having been there for nearly a month, she wasn’t sure why. The region was teaming with all sorts of relevant topics, the time she had spent there not feeling like enough. Professor Juniper had gone to help excavate a new tar pit that was found near the sea, hoping that what they might find would help her with some theories that linked to other fossil Pokemon in other regions. She had heard for years now that Alola was a heartland for fossils – found so often that they were being sold in shops to trainers. Her own theory was that it had to do with the volcanoes and how the island itself developed millions of years ago, collecting samples of the dirt, rocks and fossils to take back home and test.

Packing up the camp site always left her feeling a bit nostalgic, having spent most of her childhood and teenage years backpacking with her father. She could probably untie and repack a tent with her eyes closed by this point, though, not everyone enjoyed the camping aspect of it as much as she did.

Most of the research team had left by that point, Professor Juniper and a few others lagging behind to tie up a few loose ends. She booked herself a hotel for the final few nights in Alola, giving her a chance to have a steady internet connection and a quiet place to get organized before returning to Unova. It worked out, and she was much obliged to meet her old friend Burnet and her husband for lunch in Konikoni City the next day.

She had kept herself holed up in her hotel room the entire time since checking in, seated at the desk that morning, reviewing her scribbled notes and attempting to make more sense out of them by typing them out on her laptop in a more final report. She still had hours to kill until lunch – too close to the time to eat, but plenty of time to do something else.

There was the lingering feeling of wanting to scope out the town. It would give her a chance to stretch her legs, hoping her body would adjust before the long flight home. She had been aching after sleeping in a tent for the past few weeks, but she had hoped taking a few days off from physical labor and sleeping in a proper bed would help ease it.

Bringing something back home for Fennel had crossed her mind several times. She tried her best to pick something up for her in her travels most of the time, but this time especially seemed to carry some weight. Fennel had been upset that she would be gone for nearly a month as it was and they hadn’t been able to speak much while she was gone. When they did speak, Fennel was her usual bubbly self, but the feigned distance and sadness in her voice couldn’t be ignored.

Several flyers and signs had caught her eye in the time she had been in town of a jewelry shop run by one of the Island Kahunas. She had known that Alola ran a different league system than many other regions, and wasn’t sure exactly what the Kahuna’s job was, but it was something to do with trainers. The professor felt a tad embarrassed not being as well versed in Alolan culture as she was elsewhere. She had met the Elite Four in other regions numerous times, some more than others, but felt she should at least know the names of those with the title in the region she was visiting, at least making an effort to introduce herself.

It was said that money couldn’t buy happiness, but higher end jewelry would at least put some sort of sparkle in Fennel’s eyes when she gave it to her.

The shop was small and rather quaint, Aurea not even sure it was open until she pulled on the wooden door handle. “Hi, there. I was told to come speak to Olivia?”

“You’re looking at her,” the younger woman looked up from her spot at the counter, raising an eyebrow. “I know you from somewhere.”

“Could be.”

“You’re a Pokemon professor, aren’t you?”

“Professor Juniper,” she held out her hand as a more formal greeting with the Kahuna.

“I’m Olivia. Island Kahuna and proud member of the Alola Elite Four,” shaking her hand before gesturing to the jewelry under the glass countertop. “So, what are you looking for today? Something for yourself, or a gift for someone?”

“A gift, I think.”

“For your wife, I’d assume.”

Aurea’s brow raised at this.

“You’re wearing a wedding ring and I don’t have anything in the way of men’s stuff. Besides, I know that you’re with that scientist chick,” the kahuna continued. “Any certain occasion? Let me guess. You’ve been away from home for a while, and want to get her a souvenir.”

“Something like that, I guess.” It was all extremely presumptuous of the girl, but she also supposed that she had an eye for these types of things when it came to her jewelry business. She was also sure that Kukui had something to do with all of her previous knowledge of her, somehow. Though being a Pokemon professor did technically make her a public figure. Olivia had already known who she was, after all. Nothing she said had been a secret in any way, and she supposed word had gotten around that she was visiting the region and had been there for a few weeks.

“What does she like? Necklaces, earrings, bracelets, what?” The young kahuna started pulling some shelves around under the display, pulling a few of them on to the glass counter top.

Aurea had a pretty good idea of what Fennel’s tastes were, it was easy enough – anything pink, purple, or shiny. None of which helped her narrow it down. There was a lot of jewelry in front of her. Fancy jewelry was never something that interested the professor on her own, never wearing much of it herself. Her late mother had left quite a bit for her, most of which she had given to Fennel. Fennel knew what all of the jewels were, what they meant, and which ones to wear with which outfits.

There was one piece that caught her eye, though. A small crystal looking, heart shaped pendant set on a silver chain that didn’t look at all like the other pieces, somehow. “This necklace is interesting.”

“Ah, this one. I don’t have many left.” Olivia picked it up and set it down on a cloth on the table to provide a better look at it. “We can only make them one time a year and sometimes not at all if the temperature wasn’t low enough.”

“Why is that?”

“The Vulpix shed their coat, leaving behind these crystals that look like ice. They can only be made and found here in Alola! It’s my shop’s specialty.”

“So it’s Pokemon dandruff?”

“Er, sorta. But it makes for some nice jewelry, don’t you think?”

“I guess.” She couldn’t pretend to be as enthusiastic as Olivia was over it, because she simply didn’t get it. Fennel would like it, though. “I’ll take that one, then.” Maybe she would save it for a special occasion, even if she didn’t know for what yet. It was expensive enough to warrant a birthday or anniversary gift. Or maybe she would just give it to her as planned.

Olivia picked up the necklace, finding a box for it in a bin behind the counter somewhere. “You probably know Kukui and Burnett then, huh?” she mused as she looked around for something else.

“Oh, yes.”

“They’re really nice people. He comes in here a lot. I made her engagement ring, you know,” she continued, stuffing the box in a bag and taking a few of her business cards off of the counter to add to the contents of the bag. “Well, you’re all set, then.”

“Thanks. Let me know if you’re ever in Unova, alright?”

Olivia gave a cheerful nod to this, waving in the same tone as the professor saw herself out.

Olivia was friendly enough, if not a bit bold. The professor could see she and Fennel becoming fast friends should they ever meet.

With what started with time to spare ended in her being late now. Kukui and Burnet were already seated at the restaurant, them noticing her before she could scan the room.

“Aurea Juniper!” Burnet pulled her in to a hug before she had any time to react. “It’s been forever!”

“Professor,” she extended her hand to him, only to be pulled in to another awkward hug.

“Alola!”

“How are you? How’s Fennel?”

“Fine, it’s all fine,” Professor Juniper barely had time to take her seat across from them and pick up the menu before the questions started.

“You know, I really wish she had come with you. She could of stayed with us, we’d have been happy to show her around.”

“I know, but she’s been very busy herself. So have you guys, for that matter.”

“I’m sure we’re all always busy. But we should make time for friends, right?” Kukui set down his menu to add. “I bet she’d love it here!”

“Fennel’s never been to Alola. She’s been wanting to come here as long as I’ve known her. She really wanted to go for our honeymoon, but then she changed her mind when she saw how busy it gets in the summer.”

“You’re both always welcome, you know that,” Burnet repeated.

“Maybe you should come back to Unova. Let us know when you come to visit your family.”

“Aurea and Fennel were roomies in college,”Burnet started, turning to her husband. “Then they got married.”

“That’s not...the exact progression,” Aurea attempted to hide her face in the menu, despite that she already knew what she wanted.

Yet Burnet continued, seeming fueled by her friend’s embarrassment. “Fennel had a thing for her for a long time.”

“I’m not the one that went to Alola for a research assignment and came back showing off that rock on your hand,” she attempted to direct the attention off of herself and on to the other couple.

“No, but Fennel showed me the one you got for her.” Burnet shrugged off Juniper’s comment, even if it was true. “They were together for, like, 10 years before they got married. Had a house and a lab and everything. Aurea thought they were being secretive, didn’t you?”

“It’s beside the point now.”

Aurea was certain that her old friend was only telling her husband this now in an attempt to embarrass her, and it was working. Surely she had told him all of this before. Even if it was the case, he was laughing. Burnet had actually known Fennel first, and introduced them in college. She was also confident Fennel had confided in her with other details of their relationship through the years, and the professor was perfectly happy not knowing what.

“Speaking of rocks, you were at Olivia’s, huh?” Kukui gestured to the bag that sat next to Aurea.

“Yeah. Thought I’d introduce myself to the Kahuna. She’s a very sweet girl.”

“But you bought something, eh?”

“I, um...” revealing the contents to them would only result in more attention on herself, which she did not want. But maybe it was best to get it over it. Picking up the bag, she handed it across the table for the couple to inspect. “Be careful with it. It’s for Fennel.”

The two scientists had opened it and gazed upon it for a short time, both smiling and handing it back quicker than Aurea thought they might.

“You did good. She’s going to like it,” Burnet had some sort of sly smile. “It’s just hard to imagine you in a jewelry store picking that out for her.”

She had never been so thankful to have a waitress approach and take their orders.  

Their lunch was nice at least. Burnet couldn’t open her mouth to embarrass her if they were all eating, even if it had all been in good fun.

“I hope that next time you’re here we’ll be able to spend more time together than just lunch. Unless I make it to Unova by then,” Burnet gave her one more hug upon their departure.

“It was great seeing you guys, really.”

“Tell Fennel to come visit, with or without you.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that. “We’ll see.”

Aurea didn’t know why she felt such a rush to get back to her hotel, besides to finish up some paperwork so she had less to do once arriving home. Fennel would want her to take the next few days off, and she probably would, if only to enjoy being in her own space for a few days and not hotel rooms and camp sites.

She was trying to wait until it was late enough in the day in Unova to call Fennel. If it was 2 am in Alola, it would be around 10 am or so in Unova. Or something like that.

Fennel quickly answered the video call, though she seemed a bit distracted. “Aurea, hi!”

The professor couldn’t help but smile upon seeing the other’s face on the screen. “I figured I’d call you at the lab because you’d be on the computer. You’re not busy, are you?”

“Not really,” Fennel started, seemingly organizing some papers around her computer desk. “But I can talk for a little bit.”

“We’re done in Konikoni City. I’m actually in a hotel. I’ll be home tomorrow evening.”

“I can’t wait. I miss you so much. And when you get home, we’re going to have sex all night. And we can take a bubble bath, and drink some wine, but mostly I just want to touch you again.”

“Is….is anyone there….with you…?” the professor’s face was definitely turning red, not that Fennel seemed at all alarmed by this or what she was saying to cause it.

“Oh, yeah. My assistant’s here, and Bianca. Bianca, Marie, say hi to Aurea!” Fennel picked her laptop up and spun her chair around, turning the screen so that they could see it across the room. The professor gave a hesitant wave to the other two women,  both who gave over exaggerated waves in return. They both seemed rather occupied, only looking up when Fennel prompted them to. Thankfully blissfully unaware. She really had been gone for too long if the dream scientist was being so forward with her.

“I had lunch with Burnet and Kukui this afternoon,”  she attempted to change the subject.

“How are they? I’m glad you were able to take time away from looking at rocks to be a normal person and socialize. When are we going to go to Alola? I miss Burnet,” Fennel had looked down at her papers again, throwing some off to the side but not wavering in her conversation.

“They’re fine. They’d be glad to see you, too. I’d be happy to take you there sometime.”

“We’re about due for a vacation, I think,” Fennel gave a wistful sigh. “But mostly, I just want you home with me. I’m so bored without you here.”

“You want me home because you’re bored?”

“Mostly, yeah,” the quick response met with giggles on both behalves.

“Well, my plane should get in tomorrow around 8. I’ll text you when I’m on my last transfer.”

“Hm...will you take a few days off to spend with me before you get all wrapped up in your research stuff?”

“I suppose.”

Fennel was still smiling, but seemed suddenly alarmed by something off camera. “I need to go, I’m sorry. There’s a trainer call coming through. I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you!”

Aurea didn’t have time to repeat the sentiments before Fennel had hung up the call. She’d rather Fennel tend to her work than ignore trainers for her sake. They would have time to catch up and plan vacations, especially now that she had promised Fennel a few days without her research coming between them.

They hadn’t spent but more than a few minutes speaking, but the yawn that crept up on the professor reminded her of how late it was. She would cram in as much note taking as she could before the hour was up, and force herself to sleep at some point. A night’s rest and a few plane rides were all that stood between her and being reunited with her beloved wife.

[alekkis]

hey 👋🏼 do you remember that winter storm in early January after school started, Maryori had passed, and our entire campus was mourning and I was just ? disoriented, I slept through the days, ate chinéese food and fried plantains at night while binge watching Korean dramas and variety shows. I used to routinely nap at 9am, wake up for an anthropology section at 11am, and then come back to sleep until the sun had set. They were hard times lol. I was manic that winter break, but Maryori’s passing was sobering, I had sent her a playlist as you know idk it’s my manic quirk 😫 lmao and then next day I found she died in the car crash. It was a hard spring semester. I shouldn’t have been at school but being in Watsonville was unimaginable, anyways I was a wreck just fumbling my way through grief, and it wasn’t until you reached out to me to eat at the Japanese food eatery that time seemed to synch up again, trying to find a footing on fresh snow, and waddling in near silence, only to exchange kind smiles inching closer to tears. Idk that miso soup was good. That spring was quite a funny time - I did the least, struggled every inch of the way to graduation, and just spent a lot of time in the early mornings trying to not to be seen. It’s weird, bc I feel vacant, and feel like im mourning so many things. Yeah lol idk I like my lil pizza job bc I just be thinking and talking to myself, anyways, thank you for the miso soup and chicken karaage I think I also got grapes 😫

4/21/22 9:42 am

[shnuggletea]

THE AWARD NOMINATED FIC CONTINUES! Now nominated for the 2020 3rd Quarterly Inuyasha fandom awards for best dark! This is the second time I've been nominated for best dark, you guys trying to tell me something? LOL! Maybe I should post a comedy soon? I do love writing a dark plot for Inuyasha though...

Speaking of posting fics, I have a couple up to bat for next. I was wondering if you guys would be interested in having a say? I could post the choices on Tumblr? If that is something you'd want or if you don't tumble and want me to post them in my ANs, let me know!

Thank you all for your support. Another nomination... I mean I was blown away with the first one! This really is a great Fandom. I had honestly considered leaving fanfiction completely until I entered this one. Now I want to stay! My originals are going to suffer but oh well I guess. I'm almost done with one original and I'm super excited about it! I might take a small break from originals once it's done and out to publishers to work on some fanfiction. I also still don't have a keyboard, typing on my screen currently. If I thought I had gorilla fingers before... Top of my list to finish, Daddy Issues (SM) and STYH.

Anyway, enjoy all!

AO3

FANFICTION

Oh am I supposed to still tag? Idk if I am I think most of you have this bookmarked. @underwater0phelia @lavendertwilight89 @mamabearcat @nartista @nopenname22 @echobows @superpixie42 @smmahamazing @redflamesofpassion @jme-chan @cstorm86 @cicleydark-light @ruddcatha @lavaffair @kirrtash @sistasecbhere @inusgirl @obsessandfangirl @britonell @lordofthechips @mcornilliac @faolenwolf @classyhumanathletepalace @keichanz @phoenix-before-the-flame @artisticloveexpressitsall @lamuertadehambre @noyourenotreal @mitty-san @thenoammonster @little-deeluna @royaltrashpanda @sailorbabydoll92 @storyweaver2017 @malditamigs @adorabubblesblog @lilms-obsessed @petri808 @anniehcresta @fan-dumpp @itzatakahashi @utakuprincess @theschultinator @all-too-ale​ @little-inukag-obsessed @theseagullqueen @queenofthesquirps @inusgirl @jolinaaa00 Do you guys want me to tag you? For this and other things I post? Please let me know!!!

Chapter Eight

"Didn't...Inuyasha say something about a six-year-old?" Kagome asked, pulling a stool near and sitting to listen intently to Miroku.

"Inuyasha was six, living with his mother with no word from his father when he met Naraku. His father was never in his life and his mother didn't know a damn thing about demons. So when Naraku found Inuyasha and tried to pull him into his gang, Inuyasha cried as loud and as hard as he could about the bad man trying to steal him. Naraku fought back against the cops, of course, but this was around the time that anti-demon repulsion was coming into fashion. Naraku didn't know what hit him and it was all thanks to Inuyasha that the cops even knew what to use on the fucker."

"Okay.. so Naraku hates Inuyasha. With the looks around the yard, I would think that would be in his favor?"

Miroku huffed, "Yes and no. Naraku will crush anything that Inuyasha touches so no one touches him. And Naraku was one of the demons that helped in the purge."

"Hold on, is that what demon killer meant?"

"Yes. The purge of 06 was carried out by demons."

She felt sick, swallowing thickness beach down her throat. "Why would demons do that to each other?"

"Well, ones like Sesshomaru were promised their freedom. Which of course they didn't get. But Naraku… he did it for power. And the idiots that ran this place back then let him get away with consuming countless demons before cutting him off. He killed about a hundred demons and thirty humans that day."

"You were there?"

"No. I'm not that old! Geez, woman! No, my father was there. He was a guard once before his curse consumed him."

She brushed the back of his cursed hand. "It will consume you too?"

Miroku nodded and moved on quickly. A sore subject. "Inuyasha's reputation isn't helped by the fact that he put a lot of the demons in here."

Her head was starting to spin. "Inuyasha was part of the Anti-Demon Squad?"

"Ug. Always hated that name. So contrite."

"You were on it too?"

"Yes. We were partners. Hence why he tolerates me. But then the tables turned and we were the ones on the wanted boards. All because he has demon blood in his veins and my curse."

"I was thrown in here, too, for being different." They had a short moment of solidarity and moved on. "If you both hunted demons then why does no one hurt the people you touch?"

Without saying a word, he lifted his cursed hand and waved it. "I'm also not a half-demon. That's frowned upon by both sides apparently. Never bothered me. Who he's related to also doesn't help. Plus, I don't have Naraku gunning for me. Inuyasha never had a chance, getting thrown in here."

"Couldn't he have lobbied for a different prison? There are at least… three?"

Miroku shook his head, "the public wasn't told this, but after the purge, they knocked it down to one prison."

"But..but...that means…"

"All the caught demons are all right here in one convenient spot. Cuts down on funding"

"So if this place becomes overpopulated again…"

"Luckily new demons don't come in much anymore. With people like me and Inuyasha no longer on the force," Miroku gloated, "they don't catch that many anymore."

She huffed, "for such a good demon catcher, you'd think you'd avoid getting caught!"

"Yes, well, what do all humans end up getting caught up in no matter how hard they try?"

It took her no time at all to figure that one out. "You? And Inuyasha?"

"Inuyasha's girlfriend turned him in while I," he sighed heavily at the memory, "I was turned in by one hell of an enchantress."

Kagome had gotten caught saving the man she once loved. There was nothing she could say on the subject, she was just as pathetic as they were.

"Inuyasha is just trying to protect you the only way he can. If everyone thinks he hates you, they'll leave you alone. Although now I'm not so sure there's a point. Looks like Naraku has it out for you regardless. What did you do to get in his sights?"

Rolling her eyes and her stool away, she started straightening up to leave. "I took some blood. He didn't want me to but I didn't have a choice! The Warden was breathing down my neck. I don't regret it, doing it got me this infirmary and now I can do what I love, helping people."

"They're not people, Kagome. They're demons."

"Same difference!"

"No. Not really. If it weren't for the runes they wouldn't even need a Doctor."

"Well there are runes and I am needed."

"Runes or not, you're definitely needed here, Kagome."

She was still thinking it over, but now she was sure. A talk with the Warden was a necessity.

oOo

It didn't take as long as she expected for the Warden to find time for her, stopping by the infirmary. And he didn't give her a fight on her sleeping in there either like she thought he would. Either her argument, being ready even in the middle of the night to help and not needing much guarding like the demons in the prison, worked really well or Onigumo had other reasons. She didn't kid herself, the grin he wore the entire conversation told her it was the latter.

What he gained from her being here, she didn't know but she gained as well, getting away from Inuyasha.

Miroku's story that day had been nice, it was good to know someone in here had a heart. But it also showed her what having a heart did to people here. Inuyasha would forever suffer more than the other inmates. They could connect with others, maybe even fall in love and have some kind of life in here. Inuyasha could never have that.

So really, she was doing him a favor. Getting out of his hair would only make things easier for him. This way, he no longer had to force himself to care or not about her.

Inuyasha wasn't in the cell when she got her things, a few extra pairs of scrubs was all she had, and she was glad for that. The last thing she wanted to do was explain and see the relief spread across his face. Now a few weeks later and she almost never saw Inuyasha, proof positive that he was glad to be rid of her and she tried not to let it bother her.

It was a good thing, that didn't mean she was happy about it.

Now the keys to the infirmary were hers for good, locking everything away and pocketing the keys when the door opened. Koga was leaning heavily on one of his men, blood dripping to the floor. Pointing to the bed without a word, she got the needed items and pushed her stool to his side. His friend left, shutting the door behind him.

"What happened?"

Koga glanced at the wound like it was nothing, a long and angry line that continued to drip blood on the floor would be nothing but a scratch to a demon under normal circumstances. "Your friend attacked me."

"Excuse me?" Her disbelief was rolling off her tongue.

"Kagura. I think she was hoping for solitary. Wants to be back beside her man."

That actually made sense. Sesshomaru got a couple days a week out of solitary and those days were spent enjoying the cooler days outside or with Kagura. Usually both at the same time. It was really endearing, the cool-headed Sesshomaru falling at the feet of the hot-tempered Kagura. She should really have a conversation with Kagura, see if she could get her to come to the infirmary for a private meeting.

"Kagome," Koga grabbed one of her hands and stopped her work, "I'm glad we have a moment together like this. I wanted to give you another chance to think about my offer…"

She pulled roughly from his hold. "I told you, no. I don't need or want your protection…"

"Why? Because you have the Hanyou's?" She remained silent and Koga snickered, "He won't protect you. Not from everything. And he's nothing compared to Naraku, who has a hardon for you."

They both ignored the small jump in her chest at the mention of that name. "Naraku is locked away in solitary."

"For now. They let him out every now and then you know? Not as often as Sesshomaru, obviously. And there are other things to be protected from."

Kagome hadn't had many struggles since she'd been here, focusing on wrapping his wound instead of his words. Because they were false. "I'm fine."

"Of course you are! Because of me! The only reason you've had it so good is because I've kept you from the worst of it this whole time!" He shouted at the top of her head.

He was like a child, acting out when he didn't get the attention he wanted. So she didn't give him what he wanted, continuing to watch her hands. "I'd prefer it to being your woman. I know what happens to them."

Silence rang out for a few solitary moments. Then Koga took her hand again, stopping her work to her agitation. "It wouldn't be like that, Kagome. I… I like you. I want you to myself."

Throughout her life, Kagome had received a few confessions. Each time it was a shock. She never once thought of herself as someone 'wanted' or 'likable' like that. She was self-confident to a healthy level, but she never took the time to consider others romantically. Even Hojo, it took her some time to collect herself and give him an answer when he confessed. But, even though it was a surprise, she knew she felt nothing of the kind back to Koga.

"I… appreciate that. And your protection. But I can't give you anything more than friendship. I'm sorry."

Roaring, he got up at that, standing over the bed and her with a glare that had his eyes glowing. "You'll regret this, Doctor."

His continued immaturity was on full display as he stomped out. Kagome just found it annoying. She made it through her younger years unscathed only to get locked up and deal with bullies like this? It would be laughable if it wasn't so sad.

oOo

It started out small, the differences in 'life without Koga's protection'. Mostly just more kid's stuff.

The nods she used to get turned from grimaces to indifference thanks to Naraku, making the hazing that much easier to occur. Someone would walk by her at lunch and tug her hair. It hurt but it wasn't enough to scare her into Koga's arms. Next, it was shoving. In line for food, out in the yard, walking around in the halls. Then tripping.

All they were really doing was making her look and feel like a klutz.

Combine the three and it hurt pretty bad though, especially when they didn't let go of her hair until after she hit the floor hard. By now she knew who to look for too. And for some reason, it was Koga's women. That had her a little worried that things would only get worse and that he would eventually send his men after her. No way was she going to break though, she refused to be someone's bitch. She'd rather be beaten to a pulp.

Which was very likely to happen before Koga's pack went all out, his women clustering around her for another dose of 'life'. They had already gotten her in the cafeteria today but it looked like they were upping their treatment, coming up from behind as usual.

Hands on her back, she knew what was coming and stepped to the side. This didn't stop them from tripping her but it did keep them from getting a hold on her hair. Her long braided cord was still aching from when they tried to rip it from her head earlier. Her side step put her on a different path, one that had her colliding with another body once she lost her equilibrium. Or rather had it forced from her instead of lost.

It was the first time in weeks she hadn't face planted to the floor. Instead, her face was planted firmly in a chest that had hands wrapped around her biceps. "Oi watch where you're going!"

Slowly lifting her head, Kagome prayed she'd heard wrong but it was undeniable even before golden eyes glared down at her. She had successfully avoided Inuyasha since the day she moved into the infirmary. Three weeks of not seeing his molten orbs on her and now she was practically on top of him.

She wasn't a fool. He was avoiding her too. How else could it be possible, a large jail but not that large, that she didn't see so much as a wisp of his white locks disappearing around a corner? He wasn't avoiding her now, his hands still on her even as she got her bearings. His glare quickly passed from her to the women softly cackling behind her. Their laughter stopped but Kagome knew their hazing was far from finished.

The women moved on but Inuyasha still had his hands on her, slowly turning from holding to rubbing. "You alright?"

She shrugged off his question but not his touch, missing it more than she cared to admit. "I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle."

"Koga is trying to pressure you…"

"I know," she sighed, "he confessed to me a few weeks ago…" Inuyasha tensed but she ignored it, "I told him I just wanted to be friends…"

Now he laughed, the sound echoing off the walls and a few others that passed by. Inuyasha didn't seem to have any struggle being seen touching her all of a sudden. But there weren't many around to see this. "I wish I could have been there to see that!"

"You didn't need to be. Because he responded the same as he is now. Childish pranks and hazing. People are so immature here!"

"Demons," he corrected her again, "and most have been locked up in here since before puberty. They don't know how to act like adults." His hold dropped and he started to back away. "So how did kids in your schools act when they didn't get their way?"

She knew the answer and she didn't like it. "I get it. Any advice on making it stop?"

He was leaving her behind so she followed at a distance. "If Koga wants you to be his 'girl' then there's really only one way to make it stop. Unless you want to be his?"

Turning to look at her over his shoulder, Inuyasha teased her in a manner that had her wondering if he was actually curious. "Yeah, that's a big 'no'."

He chuckled, turning back around. If anyone were to watch them it would look like she was just walking behind him, not that they were having a conversation. "Then you gotta become someone else's bitch."

"Nope. No way. Forget it, I'll just take the hazing."

He stopped and spun to face her. "Even if that includes getting your bones turned to paste? Can't help others with only one arm."

"I'm a Doctor in a jail infirmary. Not a surgeon in the cancer ward. One arm will serve me well enough." His eyes went impossibly wide at that but she ignored it. "Can I pretend to be someones? Like you?"

Taking a step, he removed the distance between them. "I don't pretend."

Maybe he was trying to scare her? It was pointless, she didn't fear Inuyasha in the slightest. Of all the people here, he was the only one she trusted to the fullest. It was why her heart picked up its pace whenever he was close. The fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous didn't help though, his strong jaw flexing more the longer she held her ground and head up to him. Crossing her arms over her chest and hoping to muffle the sound, she took a slow and deep breath. Not to speak, but to breathe in his Earthy scent that she had missed.

"Okay."

He broke first, shaking his head. "No. Even faking a relationship with me would only bring you more trouble."

"Would it? Naraku already has it out for me. And everyone here may hate me but they won't touch me thanks to my Doctor status."

His mouth hung open for a moment, thoughts turning in his head. But then it slammed shut and he seethed. "Miroku."

"Yep."

"What else did that damn gossip tell you?"

She kept her mouth shut and shook her head. Anything else that Miroku had told her was more like hearsay, it didn't really tell her anything about the man before her. And she rather hear the details from Inuyasha when he was ready, not forced to explain.

"Doesn't matter. Things would only get worse if you associate with me. Which, you know or you wouldn't be living in the infirmary." His tone was accusing and she took great offense.

"I moved out so you'd have one less thing to worry about. Besides, I was tired of the angry puppy routine."

"Dog references. Nice." He said with a grimace.

"You're welcome!" She smirked.

She watched the corners of his mouth fight with him for a moment, wanting to smile but not before her so they ended up twitching. "You should talk to Miroku. I'm sure he'd looove to have you as his 'bitch'."

Kagome wasn't too sure about that but Inuyasha knew him better than she did. Giving him a nod, she expected the 'conversation' to end. Except Inuyasha reached up and gently pulled the small elastic out of her hair. She never asked how but Kagura had given her a few from her 'stash' of hair supplies. And now it was around Inuyasha's wrist like a bracelet.

While her hair still maintained its shape, it was only a matter of seconds before it completely unfurled. That wasn't fast enough for Inuyasha, carefully loosening her strands until they fell apart, a long cape down her back. He stared at her for a few more heart-pounding seconds, breathing in deeply like she had moments ago when he got close and her lungs weren't restricted from his actions.

"Just wear your hair up and out of reach. It won't be much longer till they cut it off like a trophy. Probably what Koga wants them to do the most."

Swallowing hard, she kept her eyes on his, watching as he looked all around her face, neck, and shoulders. As if drinking her in. "What would he do with something like that?"

Instead of answering her question like a normal person, he reached over and took a handful of her hair. Then pressed it to his nose as an example, closing his eyes as he breathed in her scent deeply. It confused her body because she really liked him smelling her, oddly, but that mixed with the image of Koga doing the same thing. Inuyasha was a dog and Koga a wolf. So although different, they would have many things in common like their addiction to smells. If Kagome went by Inuyasha, she must smell really good to those with sensitive noses.

Suddenly, he dropped her hair and stepped back. She had forgotten that the distance between them wasn't the norm, feeling the heat of his skin on hers he was so close.

Turning on his heels, Inuyasha shoved his hands into his pockets and quickly moved away from her. "Just make sure it's a fake relationship with Miroku."

He called to her, not turning to speak to her as he was too busy getting as far away as possible. Inuyasha was out of sight when she realized he didn't get her back her hair tie.