#If you need a reason as to why I haven’t posted lately

[justaregularken]

Your werewolf boyfriend spooning you while his knot is still inside, tail lazily wagging as he murmurs about how you’re his

[startanewdream]

Hi Mah, I’ve noticed a lot of writers saying their fics aren’t being commented on or reblogged as much as they were before, and that it’s been discouraging. I can’t speak why for everyone but this is my story. I used to comment and reblog everything because I appreciated the hard work everyone put in. I got inspired to write a few fics of my own, hoping I would get the same support or even suggestions on ways I could improve my writing from all the writers I looked up to, but I got nothing. I spent hours and days writing, reading articles, and watching YouTube videos on how to improve your writing, but I never got one comment, like, kudos, or reblog from any of the writers I showed my support to. I started to notice people had their own little friend/support group and would reblog and comment on each other's posts or stories, but not the newer writers unless you were a phenomenal writer. If you weren’t worth their time, then you were unnoticed and not appreciated. It didn’t matter that you wrote long detailed comments on every single chapter of their story and reblogged their stories, hoping it would get more attention to help encourage them. You and one other blogger were the only ones that I got a comment from, and I ended up unfollowing everyone except for you and the other blogger. I stopped writing, deleted my stories on one of my low days, and unfollowed everyone but you and the other blogger. I stayed away from the Harry Potter community for a while. You two are the only ones I will take time out of my day to write comments for. I’ve read other stories, but I don’t comment on theirs unless it's by a new writer. I try to show encouragement and give suggestions in ways I wish I would have gotten them. I just wanted to say thanks, and I've come across some great new writers through your blog. I’ve been absent for a long time, but I’m back now. I hope things have changed and everyone is more supportive of one another. I don’t know if people are hesitant to help other writers but they take 5 minutes out of their day to read their stories and write two lines of encouragement or heck even a pm on ways you think the story could be improved, newbies will appreciate it more than you’ll ever understand. I just think if you want a little love then you need to show a little love too.

Hey, Anon. I went back and forth on how to answer this because yes, I understand it, but also... not?

I really don’t want to sound dismissive; I get it, writing takes time and effort, you put a piece of your heart there, and when people don’t seem to notice it, you take it personally. I've been there as, in a way, all who has ever posted their fan work have been. It’s shitty.

But you cannot control anyone else. If you are writing and posting because you want people to comment and engage; don’t. It will drive you mad, trust me, because there is no bar that will ever suffice. Write for your own joy... and read and review for your own joy.

If you want criticism, ask for it, send a pm to those who answer it. Join a discord. The review section in a fanfic is not the place for it, it would be just rude. And accept that sometimes there is no problem, no reason for why your fic is unnoticed; no one has ever cracked the code for what makes a fic popular, and honestly, I am glad for it. It’s cliche, but true: you are the only one who can write your stories.

Finally, I get the if you want love you need to offer some love, but also... it sounds entitled? Threatening? I am not sure. Fanfics are for free; they are supposed to be fun. When they stop being something that you can enjoy, what is the whole point?

I am sorry you didn’t feel your effort was appreciated. I hope that, despite everything else, you loved giving voice to the characters, crafting a scenario out of nowhere, and spinning words into something that was real and yours. I hope you stick around.

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Trust Me

Pairing(s): Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: You haven’t been able to sleep in a couple weeks, and Natasha knows just the way to get you to close your eyes.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: None? (If anyone finds any feel free to message me!)

Author’s Note: Heyy guys! I know I haven’t posted a fic in like 6 months, but I got writers block and it just never really went away. I’m not sure when I’ll post again, but I’ve had the idea for this fic for a while and I finally got the motivation to write it. It might not be that good but I hope you enjoy it at least a little! Think of it as a little Christmas gift :)

Author’s Note Pt. 2: Also, this is not proofread because I just wanted to get it posted so there might be some spelling and grammar errors!

You heavily sighed once again for probably the fifth time in the past five minutes. It’s been a few hours since you and Natasha had called it a night, and yet here you were at nearly three in the morning still lying wide awake.

Although it’s not as if you were surprised or expecting anything else. You’d been having trouble falling asleep since the first night you and Natasha arrived in Norway.

Despite not having gotten many hours of sleep lately, for some reason you still weren’t tired and still could not fall asleep.

When your girlfriend came to you a week and a half ago and told you she had no other choice but to leave the states in order to evade the government after the whole incident between Tony and Steve, you instantly decided you’d be going with her without a second thought and left no room for her to disagree.

After all she should’ve known you’d follow her anywhere, but you guess it’s taken a toll on you.

You wanted to sleep, and yet you weren’t sure what was keeping you up. Maybe you were worried about something happening to Natasha?

‘What if she gets caught? Or what if we both somehow get hurt?’ you thought.

But you knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself and keeping you safe at the same time.

Even with the amount of times you told yourself not to worry, your mind wouldn’t listen.

You eventually sighed and turned your head to look at the redhead behind you. Her arms were wrapped tightly around you and no matter how much she shifted throughout the night, she never let you go.

The mere thought of that would be enough to bring a smile to your face if you weren’t so frustrated with yourself.

Deciding you’d had enough of laying there awake, you carefully unraveled your girlfriend’s arms from around you and slid out of bed.

You almost shivered at the cool temperature of the trailer as your bare feet touched the floor and you made your way into the kitchen.

The random plastic bags on the counter rustled as you rummaged through them in search of something to snack on, finally coming across a bottle of water and a pack of chips you’d never heard of.

As you went to open the cap of the bottle, a pair of arms slipping around your waist startled you. The yelp you let out made the person behind you chuckle, and you relaxed recognizing the sound.

“Sorry, malysh (baby).” Natasha said and you turned to look at her to see the apologetic look she had on her face.

You gave her a slight smile before shaking your head, “It’s okay. But what’re you doing up right now, Nat? You should be asleep, you need to rest.”

She dipped her head down to press multiple kisses to the skin of your neck, “I could ask you the same question because so do you.”

You should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to leave the warmth of your shared bed without her noticing.

“I just couldn’t sleep.” you said, making her eyebrows furrow as you opened your water bottle and took a sip. “But I know you’re still tired so you should go back to bed, I’ll be there soon.”

“No, not without you.” Natasha was quick to disagree, “What’s going on, dorogaya (darlin)? You were yawning quite a bit before we went to bed. Why can’t you sleep?” she rested her chin on your shoulder, ready to listen to what you had to say.

You sighed realizing that you were going to have to have this conversation now. Your shoulders shrugged, “I don’t know.” was all you offered.

Natasha stayed quiet, giving you the floor for when you were ready to add on. A moment later, you did.

“I haven’t really gotten any decent sleep recently, so I’m not sure why I can’t fall asleep or why I’m not tired.”

Your girlfriend pecked your shoulder blade, acknowledging that she heard you.

“How long has this been going on for?” she asked.

For a second you went quiet, not exactly wanting to answer when you remembered that now that she knew, she wasn’t going to let it go until she made it better.

“Since we left the states.” you admitted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Once again, you shrugged your shoulders, “I didn’t want to worry you.” you said. “You already have a lot on your plate with this whole situation and I didn’t want to add more to it.”

You heard Natasha sigh and now you appreciated that fact that you weren’t standing face to face at the moment.

“I guess I’m thinking too much.” you added. “At night I finally get the time to actually think about stuff, and I worry about you and if you’re going to be okay.”

Natasha was also glad you weren’t standing face to face right now because if you were, you would’ve seen the way her lips pulled into a smile.

“Well if you’re going to worry about me then I think I have every right to worry about you.” she chuckled and you fought back a smile at it.

“I’m sorry.” you said.

She didn’t say anything for a few moments until you heard her soft voice with that hint of rasp speak up.

“Look at me, krasivyy (beautiful).”

You craned your neck to see green eyes which were filled to the brim with love and tenderness staring at you, the singular warm light above the kitchen sink allowing her to see your sad ones.

The frustration that’d been building up in you beginning to melt away ever so slightly.

“I want you to talk to me about what you’re going through.” Natasha spoke. “I don’t care about what you think I might have going on, you’re always my first priority, okay?”

You nodded as she raised a hand to caress your cheek, brushing a hair behind your ear in the process.

“I love you too much to have you worrying that pretty little head of yours all alone when I’m always right here for you.” she pressed her lips to your temple to emphasize her point. “So promise me next time you’ll tell me if somethings wrong?”

“I promise, and I love you too, Nat.”

“Good,” Natasha smiled and leaned in to connect your lips in a loving kiss, pulling away shortly after and leaning her forehead against yours. “I’m going to be okay, so there’s no need to worry. We’re both gonna be okay, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agreed. You knew Natasha would make sure of that.

“Alright, do you think you’re ready to head back to bed?”

You weren’t sure how to answer that. Even though you were relieved Natasha knew now and you talked about it, you still weren’t even close to being able to go to sleep.

“No,” you spoke quietly. “I’m still not really tired, and I honestly don’t know if I will be until this all blows over.”

Natasha went silent for a few moments, thinking. She turned you around to face her and moved your arms to wrap around her shoulders.

“Nat, what are you—”

“Shhh,” she interrupted your sentence, “Just trust me.”

So you did.

Her arms snaked back around your waist and pulled you into her. You weren’t exactly sure what she was doing until she began swaying with you from one side to the other.

You’d danced together before, but at Tony’s many parties. Not when you were trying to make yourself fall asleep.

“Nat, I don’t think—”

“You’re supposed to be trusting me. Do you not?”

“I do, but—”

“So shhh,” she said and you couldn’t help the little giggle you let out. “You said you were thinking too much, right?”

“Yeah.” you confirmed.

“So just relax and let me do all the thinking. I don’t want you to worry about anything except trusting me.”

“Okay.” you whispered, giving in and resting your cheek on her shoulder, allowing her to move you.

A few seconds later Natasha began humming. It wasn’t a song that you knew, but you recognized it as one of the many Russian lullabies she’s hummed and sometimes sang to you before.

The way she hummed them always made you feel relaxed and peace, and this time was no different. Because soon you started to lean into her more as you became more and more weary.

Your heavy eyelids fell shut and your head found security in her neck as you cuddled closer to it, happily letting her comforting scent soothe you.

After a couple of songs, Natasha finally looked at you to find you pretty much sound asleep.

She grinned to herself and pecked your head before lifting you into her arms, making her way back to your bedroom.

“Told you to trust me.”

~ end ~

[f1byjessie]

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS ━━ LN4.

sometimes the right words are hard to come across, and sometimes everything you need to say can be captured in an image.

( lando norris x photographer!reader )

━━ part three.

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yourusername is it time for bahrain yet?! can’t wait to see these two back in action again soon! 🧡

view all 4,981 comments

mclaren We keep asking ourselves the same thing! Our engines are ready and we’re raring to go! 🧡

↳ yourusername you truly understand me mclaren admin

↳ mclaren we think you’re the one who truly understands us y/n

↳ user y/n x mclaren admin?? 🤯 the plot twist none of us saw coming

user missing these lads so much lately

user THE RADIO SILENCE ON OSCAR’S SOCIALS WAS KILLING ME I DEPEND ON THESE MEN TOO MUCH THEY KEEP ME ALIVE 😭😭

user the f1 drought is real rn

user MCLAREN SUPREMACY 2024

↳ user i’m trying to be delulu but we all know it’s just gonna be the mv33 and redbull show again this year 🫤

user soooo are we all just gonna pretend like we didn’t see the pics of her with garrett ward orrrrr?

↳ user no bc i was just thinking the same thing 👀

↳ user wait that was actually her??? cuz you can like barely see her face so i thought it was just a joke???

user what a fake ass bitch

user she only posts other ppl on her acc cuz she knows her ugly ass face would scare everyone else away

user homegirl needs to stay tf away from my man fr 😤😤

user god what a hoe 😒 she already has these two that she could fuck with idk why she needed to go after garrett

user SLUT SLUT SLUT

user if she tries anything with anyone else on the city team i’m gonna lose my shit fr

↳ user same omg

↳ user honestly i’m just glad she didn’t go after grealish or haaland 🙌

↳ user she probably would’ve tried if they weren’t taken already 🙄

↳ user nah i bet she’s totally a homewrecker garrett’s probably just the first on her list

user oh… these comments… 😰

↳ user right???

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yourusername the city boys know how it’s done! and looking pretty good in orange too 😉

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mancity The lads are looking good indeed! This weekend’s match against Newcastle should be an exciting one! ⚽️🩵

mclaren ✍️ Jeremy ✍️ Doku ✍️ and ✍️ Ruben ✍️ Dias ✍️ McLaren ✍️ 2025

↳ mancity Do you think Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri would look good in sky blue? 🤔

user funny how she posts every city man BUT garrett

user god when does she go back to f1??

↳ user march iirc

↳ user well it can’t get here soon enough jfc

user FUCK OFF WE DON’T WANT YOU

user you’re a slag and should accept the fact that any guy would only want you bc of how easy you are

user i’ll bet my left leg that the only reason the f1 boys haven’t shacked up with her yet is cuz they know she’s probably riddled with disease since she drools over every guy that comes near her 😒 like girl needs to bffr and realize that throwing herself at every male in her vicinity isn’t gonna land her a husband and it just making her even more of a slut

↳ user nah i’ll bet they’ve all already done her over in f1 but nobody will touch her now that they’ve passed her round so she had to come over to football just to try and get someone to touch her again 🙄🙄🙄

user i hope garrett realizes how much of a slut she is and breaks up with her

user sick and tired of bitches like this getting with footballers and being all controlling. like i’ll bet she’s gonna tell garrett he can’t go out and party with his mates anymore bc he has to spend time in with her and then she’ll get all pissy about him having female fans bc she’s insecure and knows that if garrett got to meet a REAL fan he’d jump ship immediately. those of us who ACTUALLY care about footballers know their fans are super important to them and we wouldn’t hinder their relationship with them just bc we’re jealous or insecure. garrett needs to be with someone who actually supports him and is willing to let him do what he wants instead of controlling him like he’s a dog on a leash.

user kys like genuinely

user god i can’t wait for this skank to die 😒

“Hey Lando, it’s me. Your best friend. Again,” you give a humorless chuckle. “I could seriously use some of your wizened advice right about now, so, uh, please just give me a call back when you can. Thanks.”

It seems poetic in a cruel sort of way that less than a week ago you were walking Etihad Campus and feeling like you were on top of the world━ working a new albeit temporary gig, adding the Manchester City name to your list of clients, having photos of world-renowned footballers in your portfolio━ and now you’ve resigned yourself to hiding away in the women’s restroom, locked in a stall because it’s the only place you could think of where nobody would be able to find you.

You’re on the verge of tears and feeling rather stupid for it.

It’s the third time today alone that your call has gone straight to voicemail, and with the dozens of unread texts you’ve sent in the last week added to the mix, it’s starting to paint a picture you’re not very happy with. Lando is ignoring you. Or he’s blocked you. Or he’s blocked you because he’s ignoring you━

You bite down on your lip, hard, to keep back the sob crawling its way up your throat.

You’re not a PR officer, you hadn’t been lying when you told Garrett that, but you’ve spent enough time around the McLaren PR teams that you’ve picked up enough tips and tricks to know, at the very least, that the best thing you can do is just ignore the comments.

That’s what they tell all the athletes.

What they don’t tell the athletes is that ignoring the comments is much easier said than done, especially when your career requires you to have such a significant online presence. And the thing is, despite all of these strangers hounding you with every name under the sun and criticizing your capabilities, qualifications, and very existence, the thing that hurts the most is the radio silence from the only person you know could make it all better.

Now, more than ever, you need your best friend. But he isn’t here.

You tuck your phone into your jacket pocket and unlock the stall with great reluctance. You know better than to be hiding away, shirking your responsibilities while crying over a few missed phone calls. You have a job to do, and a real professional wouldn’t let something as simple as a handful of tasteless comments get in the way of that.

You should be used to them. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.

Your first month at McLaren wasn’t entirely different.

When you were first hired on, Carlos had been in Formula One for a handful of years already and had built up a devotedly loyal fanbase with a decently large percentage of possessive fangirls who had come for your head the moment your existence had been announced.

The McLaren Instagram account had posted a picture of you standing between their two grinning drivers, your camera strung around your neck, with a very nice caption welcoming you to the team, and despite no indication that you were by any means involved with either of them in a way that went beyond professional, the comments had been taken over by feral teenage girls who saw the act of you simply standing near Carlos to be a direct threat against their “chances.”

Though it had been frustrating being met with childish threats and petty insults in your comments, you hadn’t really held it against any of them. You remember being a teenage girl and crushing on a celebrity. Deep down you knew you never had a chance with them, but that hadn’t stopped you from hanging posters in your bedroom and doodling their name beneath yours inside of scribbled hearts in your diary.

Regardless, it had taken close to a month for the negativity to die down, and you hadn’t had Lando then, either, so now shouldn’t be much different.

In fact, everyone on the Manchester City team━ trainers, physios, media coordinatiors, and anyone inbetween━ has been very polite about everything between you and Garrett. A lot of them have just avoided saying anything about it, which you’re very grateful for because you don’t think you’d be able to hold back your grimace while thanking them for their well wishes, and the few who have mentioned it typically only say something vague like a wishing you the best of luck or hoping you’re happy.

An intern gave you a sympathetic smile the other day, and you’d nearly burst into tears in the middle of the office of the Director of Communications, so you know you aren’t truly alone in this.

You just feel alone.

Exiting the bathroom is a simple affair. There’s no one standing post outside ready to give you any shit for being hidden away, and nobody comes sprinting around the corner as you make your way down the hall to the press conference room that’s been temporarily turned into your base of operations.

You think you’ll probably be able to go the rest of the afternoon without running into anyone, when you open your door and find━ sitting in the front row of the seats typically saved for journalists and the press, scrolling across his phone with a disinterested look painted across his face━ Jack Grealish.

“Jack,” you greet, a bit shocked. You close the door to the room gently behind you, and cross the distance to your desk. “Did we have a meeting scheduled? It must’ve completely slipped my mind, I sincerely apologize.”

He offers you a polite smile. “No, we didn’t, so no need to be sorry. I actually just wanted to check in. See how things are going with everything.”

You blink at him in surprise. Apart from Garrett, you haven’t really had much time to speak with the other players. They wish you good morning and good afternoon when they see you, and if a ball goes astray they always call out for you to watch your head, but between their morning training and their afternoon training, their strategy reviews at lunch, and the frequent in between meetings with physios, nutritionists, and trainers, they don’t get much time to chit chat with a simple photographer.

You clear your throat, “Erm, it’s going well. I’ve gotten some really good shots these past few days. There’s one with Rodrigo that I’m particularly proud of. It should do well with the fans.”

“And things with Ward?”

You purse your lips.

“Figured.” Jack sighs. “Look, nearly everyone you run into here knows or has at least some inkling into what he’s like. He’s a prick. None of the lads on the team like him, it’s why the managers are trying to get him out of here.”

You lower yourself down into your chair. “He told me they were planning to trade him off because of his reputation.”

Jack scoffs, “Yeah, ‘cause that’s the ‘official’ reason. They can’t cut his contract early for legal reasons, so they’re waiting for it to expire and coming up with an excuse for why they ain’t re-signing him. It’s really just ‘cause the rest of us can’t keep dealing with his massive ego and the fact that he’s a misogynistic fuck who doesn’t know the first thing about respect.”

“Fucking tell me about it,” you mutter with a sigh.

If he expected you to defend Garrett and is surprised by the fact that you haven’t, Jack doesn’t show it. He looks relaxed sitting across from you, like you’re having a casual conversation and not actively shit talking a member of his team. It gives you the impression that he knows significantly more about Garrett than you do, and that because of what he knows he probably figured out that one party in the relationship is not the most willing of participants.

“How’d you get all wrapped up it in then? Didn’t figure you to be the type to go after pricks like Ward.”

You debate over whether you should tell him or not. There isn’t much Jack can do about the situation regardless, but it would at least get things off your chest and if someone else knew then maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

There’s only so many days you can spend hiding out in the women’s restroom trying not to bawl your eyes out, and you’ve already reached your limit.

You heave a sigh, “It’s kind of fucked up really.” A pen on your desk catches your attention and you start to fiddle with it, avoiding Jack’s eyes which have focused directly onto you. “He asked if I would help him fix up his reputation by pretending to be his girlfriend so he could show everyone that he’s matured and can hold down a steady relationship. When I told him no, he threatened to make up a lie about inappropriate conduct to get me fired and blacklisted from the industry, so for the sake of preserving my career I agreed.”

“Bloody fucking hell,” Jack murmurs, shaking his head. “I’m real sorry he did that, Y/N.”

You shrug. “It’s happened, so, there’s nothing I can really do except wait it out at this point.”

When you look up and meet his gaze, Jack looks murderous. His hands are clenched into fists on the armrests, knuckles white with the strength of his grip. His brows are furrowed, and his lips are twisted downward in a scowl.

“If you need anything,” he starts, “let me know. And I mean it. We all know how Ward can be. He’s a knobhead. So if you need anything━” his emphasis on the word and what that implies makes you feel more comforted than anything has since the whole fiasco started, “━then you let me know, or you tell one of the other boys and they’ll find me, alright?”

All you can do is nod.

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yourusername there’s no place like home

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━━ tags: @maih23 @urfavnoirette @leclercsluv @f1luvur @formulaal @a-disturbing-self-reflection @starlightpierre @chezmardybum @marshmummy @405rry

━━ a/n: no lando yet, but we've got a cutesy little grealish scene to make up for it because i couldn't have a story with manchester city and not include him! lowkey writing this part made me wanna write for a footballer too... anyways! hope you all enjoy!

[tojiscumdumpster]

⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။ knockout x renji abarai

✧ summary there’s no better way for renji to celebrate a big win than to spend the night with y/n.

✧ content warnings reader described as a black woman who uses she/pronouns. feisty!reader, chubby!reader x undergroundfighter!renji. modern au — no bleach verse. told in first POV — renji’s. mentions of stitches and bruises. usage of profanity, praise kink, cowgirl position, nipple play, facefucking — renji will finish in reader’s, squirting. terms of endearment — baby, sweetheart, angel, etc. reader and renji are in their late twenties.

✧ author’s note hello, hello. i am here with a fic that’s not jjk for once in my life, lmfao. this idea has been in my drafts since january 2023, and it was just sitting there collecting dusts on my old tumblr. but i said i was going to do more bleach characters, so here we go. first time writing renji, so if this ain’t how you see him, oops. still enjoy. also didn't really focus on the underground!fighter portion as much. but maybe i will if there's a next time. support me by liking, commenting, and reblogging this post. i would greatly appreciate it. AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS AND MINORS— DO NOT INTERACT.

I know she told me not to come by after the fight, but I needed to. 

 I won.

 I fucking won, and there’s no other way for me to celebrate winning ten thousand dollars than to be with Y/N.

 Well, that’s if she’s still not mad at me.

 Before I left for my match, we got into an argument. A huge one. She doesn’t like that I fight for a living, let alone illegal underground fighting. I mean—I get it. Seeing someone you care about constantly getting his ass beat isn’t a sight worth seeing. 

 But fighting is all I know. 

 I had a shitty childhood. Didn’t know who the hell my parents were since they gave me up at birth for adoption. Jump around in foster care homes until the mothers got sick of me and kicked me out in the streets. Survival was basically forced on me.

 Fighting is what kept me alive. For food. Clothes. A place to lay my head. Whether I lost or won, I know the reason why I’m alive today is because I’m a fighter. 

 It wasn’t until I was eighteen when I found out about the world of underground fighting. Ten years deep and I know nothing else. 

 Y/N knows this about me. She understands I didn’t have it easy and never judged me. But that doesn’t mean she agrees with my lifestyle. 

 She came to a few fights in the beginning. Eventually, she got tired of seeing me stitched up almost every weekend. 

 Shit, me too. 

 However, after tonight, I feel good about my future wins. I busted my ass in training, so now I don’t have to hear shit about anymore losses. 

 Even if right now I’m stitched up and have a black eye. I feel good.

 Great.

 Better if Y/N opens the door after keeping me waiting out in the cold for the past ten minutes. 

 I know she’s awake. She has a habit of staying up late, studying for med school. And plus, I haven’t messaged or called her yet. Despite her not showing up to my fights, she still wants an update afterwards that I made it out alive.

 “Y/N, let me in,” I say, knocking loudly on her apartment door. “You know I don’t care about making a scene.”

 After a few more obnoxious knocks, the door finally swings open and I am met with deep russet skin, tight curls, and chocolate-colored eyes that pierce an annoyed look in my direction.

 “What do you want?” She bites out. “I’m busy.”

 I smirk and hold the bag of money in the air. “I won.”

 “Congrats.” Her tone is flat and she tries to slam the door in my face, but I placed my foot to stop it from closing. “Seriously?”

 “Yes, seriously. Are you really still mad at me?” I teasingly ask. 

 “You won. I said congrats. What more do you want?”

 I shrugged. “I’m locked out of my apartment.”

 She arches a brow at me, already recognizing my bullshit ass excuse of being locked out of my apartment. 

 Y/N knows me. She knows I would do anything to be in her presence, so going back and forth in forty degree weather is pointless. 

 Her pretty brown hues travels across my face and body, examining the stitches and bruises that probably has her wondering, who the fuck treated him? 

 Me. But that’s besides the point.

 A deep sign escapes her mouth when she realizes I’m not going anywhere until she lets me in, so she opens her door wider and turns her back to me to walk further inside her apartment. 

 “Sit,” she orders, which I happily do so while chuckling to myself. 

 While Y/N goes to the bathroom (assuming she’s getting a med kit to fix my shitty patch job), I take advantage of staring at her round ass that’s barely covered in those tiny boy shorts. Every step she takes it jiggles, creating an ocean of waves I’m eager to swim in.

 I get comfortable while I wait, taking off my skully, sweater, and any other form of heavy clothing that would cause me to sweat in her heated apartment. 

 “I’m going to start charging you if you keep fucking coming to my apartment like this, Renji,” Y/N snapped, walking with the kit in her hand as expected. 

 “Outside of paying for your tuition, I can think of other ways to repay you.”

 She rolls her eyes at my suggestive comment. “Get over yourself, Abarai.”

 I let out a snort before she stands in front of me and tilt up my chin to start making work on my face. 

 She’s cute when she’s mad. Huffing and puffing while whispering slick comments under breath. But how she’s handling my face by moving it around with force rushes blood straight to my groin.

 I’m getting hard.

 Hard as shit, and it’s not helping that I’m in close proximity with her. 

 That jasmine lavender scent that circulates through my senses. Looking up at her full lips that’s coated with gloss. Then, lowering my gaze to her tits that’s big, naturally saggy, and pretty. My mouth is watering at the sight of her nipples hardening.

 And I don’t know if it’s because she feels that I’m checking her out or the coldness outside is affecting her. 

 Either way, I’ll act on it.

 Taking it upon myself, I grab the back of her thighs to pull her on my lap. As if she’s used to my antics, it doesn’t catch her off guard and she continues to clean up my wounds. 

 “You’re all bloody up with a black eye and somehow you still have the energy to be a pervert,” she retorts.

 I move one of hands to her ass, massaging comforting circles. “For you? Yeah.”

 The quiet between us was comfortable until she opted to speak again. “So… who’d you fight?”

 “Some huge motherfucker. I thought I was going to die.”

 She leans back to grab more alcohol and dabs it above my brow. “Maybe that’s what needed to have you stop fucking fighting.”

 I throw my head back to laugh, but she grabs my chin to bring my face forward. “Like you want me dead.” My hands creep beneath her cheeks to pull her closer to me and apply more pressure to my cock. “That’s what you want?”

 “That came out my mouth, Abarai?”

 “Why are you still mad at me?” 

 She scoffs. “Why am I mad that you’re practically coming to me everyday with a busted face and broken ribs?” That’s one thing I love about Y/N—her feisty personality. It turns me on so fucking much because I know when I fuck her, it’ll be a different story. 

 Continuing, she says, “I think I would be a little more satisfied if you did this professionally as opposed to underground. Underground doesn’t come with insurance, Ren.”

 “Aw, you care about me that much?” My question was supposed to be posed as a joke, but the look on her pretty face says otherwise. 

 “Fucking asshole. I don’t know why I still deal with your ass.”

 “Probably because you love me.”

 “Probably not.”

  Gripping her hips, I pull her with me and lean back into the headrest of the couch. We’re inches away from our mouths cooling and I take advantage of this proximity by basking in her sweet smelling breath and beauty. 

 Simply because Y/N exists, my cocks hardens for her. Holding her in my arms. Feeling her pussy against my erection and breasts suffocating pressed on my chest. Girlfriend or not, she’s mine.  

 And she knows it. 

 I can see how she looks at me, even when mad, that she cares and loves me. Y/N is a tough girl. I can only imagine what she’s been through. Still, she manages to soften up just for me. 

 We never made it official since she doesn’t approve of the underground shit, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop asking. 

 “So when are you going to say yes to being my girlfriend?” I whisper.

 She tries breaking from my embrace, but I tighten my grip. “Renji…”

 “You feel my dick pressed against you, right? It only makes it harder when you say my name like that, Y/N.”

 “Be real with me… will you keep doing this shit forever?” Her eyes waver as she awaits my answer and I can’t help the guilt from pinging my chest. 

 “If it lessens my chance of being with you, no.”

 She searches my face for hesitance or deceit, however, she finds nothing because I meant what I said. Y/N is the only person that looks at me like I’m a human, and I wouldn’t let my obsession with fighting get in the way of our future together. 

 How she tucks her coil behind her ear and nips down on her lower lip shows me the bit of vulnerability she reserves for me.

 So—I take advantage of it. 

 In less than three seconds my lips were on hers. I take my time relishing those sweet, plump and plush, strawberry flavored lips.

 I can feel the skepticism from Y/N while kissing her, maybe because she’s trying to put on this show that she’s still mad at me. But soon, her rigid body melts into mine and returns the kiss. 

 Our heavy breaths mingle, increasing in speed the more aggressive we lock lips. She begins rolling her hips onto my cock and I let out a grunt, feeling the moisture of her pussy liquefying on me. 

 The slaps I leave on her ass are harsh, causing her to bite my bottom lip and suck it into her mouth. Y/N is so fucking aggressive it drives me nuts. She gives me a high and adrenaline not even a fight could give. 

 “Pull your dick out, Ren,” she orders through muffled moans and our kiss. 

 “Fucking bossing me around to give you cock? Not mad at me anymore?” Y/N ignores my taunt and works her hands between us to untie my sweats. I hiss at the feel of her cool hands engulfing my dick to give it a few pumps.

 She must not know what her touch does to me. She handles my cock like she owns it, and gosh, I fucking love that shit. My fingers gently tangle into her coils to deepen our kiss, but she soon gets up to strip her clothes.

 Fuck… Fuck, she’s so goddamn sexy. I’ll never get tired of her thick body, filled with soft dips and curves. I look at her, observe her like she’s an expensive piece of art hung up at a museum because that’s what I see her as. 

 Pretty pussy leaking arousal and I smirk to myself, thinking how she had all that attitude earlier while being wet for me like she didn’t want me inside of her.

 “You’re fucking beautiful. You know that?” I ask, massaging her tits and looking up at her. “You still have that attitude or are you going to come ride my cock like a good girl?”

 She gently pushes me back against the couch with her lips on mine and straddles my lap. “Depends on if you’re going to be a good boy and take this pussy.”

 “Shit, angel. I will.”

 Y/N hums while reaching around to align my cock with her sex. Two seconds later, she slowly sinks down my length until I’m buried into the hilt. That soft lingering fuck that slips past her pretty lips sounds sexy as hell and has my dick twitching in response.

 I can’t bust now. Not yet. Even if the tightness and heat of her pussy pushes me off the edge of a mountain. Her pussy is so warm, so fucking warm, fat, and wet. Gosh, I don’t ever think I can be without this pussy. 

 I throw my head back and savor this feeling, but Y/N had other plans for me. 

 “Remember to look at me when I’m riding you, Ren,” she coos. “Eyes on me, baby. I want you to see how much I love this dick inside my pussy.”

 Fucking Christ. “Tell me how much you love it while bouncing on me.”

 And she does just that. Telling me how big and girthy I am, that she’s sorry for giving me attitude and admits that she just wanted dick. But no. I want her to fuck me like she’s mad. I need that type of energy pumping through my veins after this win tonight. 

 I reassure Y/N and tell her to fuck me harder. Her pace quickens and slaps her ass fervently against my cock. I can’t stop moaning her name. The wet slippery noises coming from her pussy increases in volume and it creates a mess between us. 

 This is where I belong, deep in her pussy and feeling her walls squeeze the hell out of me. I don’t even hold her hips or waist. I relax comfortably with my arms sprawl over the top of her couch, watching how gorgeous she looks while fucking what’s hers. 

 “Oh, fuck, Renji,” she moans, tugging her lips inwards and lolling her head to the side in complete pleasure.

 Those perfect, full tits bounces in my face and I can’t help but stare and become mesmerized. Light marks that resemble tiger stripes decorated the valley of breasts. Her nipples, pebbled and straining underneath my gaze, look desperate for my touch.

 I take it upon myself to pinch them between my fingers and a soft shriek escapes her mouth, further arching her back. 

 Y/N keeps getting wetter by the second, every bounce she makes. And hearing her sticky arousal, I know and see how she’s creaming my cock.  Purposely, I sit myself on the couch, thrusting up in her a bit to feel my head hit her g spot.

 “Ren, help me little,” she begs through a whimper. “Fuck me back.”

 I caress her cheeks with the back of my head. “Yeah? You want me to help you, sweetheart?”

 “Please.”

 God, I love it when she’s needy for me like this. 

 In no time, my hands are at her waist and my thrusts meet with her jumping movements. Y/N isn't loud when it comes to her sounds of pleasure. Vocal, yes. But right now, her moans and whimpers are louder than usual. 

 It’s like she needed my dick inside of pussy just as much as I needed it. 

 I see the desire in her brown hues. I feel the heat radiating off Y/N’s skin while my fingers dig into her flesh, holding her in place to pound upwards into her pussy. 

 This is what I wanted—to fuck my girl after a well deserved win. And she’s going to congratulate me how I want. 

 My lips are at her neck leaving wet kisses and sucking her flesh until purple specks form. “Coming home to this good fucking pussy. Gosh, I love how you feel, angel. Going to fucking mean it now when you say congrats?”

 “Congratulations, baby,” she purrs, slamming harder on my cock. “You did good… so damn good, Ren.”

 I hum, dragging my tongue along her neck. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

 Y/N continues to gasps out her pleas for me to fuck harder. I comply… I comply in helping my pretty girl come and savor the look when she washes over me. My grips are firm on her waist, betting that’ll leave marks when she wakes up the next poor, and drive my cock deeper into her pussy.

 I’m in pure awe. I feel my own releasing catching up to me the more I watch her take me. This is my woman. My fucking girl. I come home to this every night after every fight to hold her in my arms and fuck her. 

 Her name from my mouth sounds like a broken record when I moan her name. This fat, gushy, slick and tight pussy has this power over me. She won’t stop fucking squeezing me, I can’t prevent my face from growing hot. It’s intense how I feel right now, and it’s all because of Y/N.

 “Good, good fucking pussy. God, you’re so fucking good to me, angel face,” I rasp, pecking her lips. “You’re going to come for me?”

 “Yes, Renji, baby. I’m going to come. Keep giving me that dick. Please don’t stop, please.”

 “Put your fingers in my mouth.” She does quick with my command. I suck on her digits and coat them well with saliva before pushing them out of my mouth. “Now rub your clit, pretty girl. I wanna see you squirt everywhere.”

 Because she’s overwhelmed with arousal, Y/N stops bouncing on my cock and allows me to fuck her while she plays with clit. Her mouth hangs gape, drool slightly coating the side of her mouth and breathing heavily. 

 My balls slap her ass. My head kisses her soft cushion repeatedly. Her velvet walls transfer warmth to my cock and the bubble that rests in the pit of my stomach is on the verge of explosion.

 I’m about to come. Hard.

 But I need her to come first.

 “Fucking come for me, Y/N. Keep playing with that pretty pussy and moan my name,” I grit out, pushing past all my thrusts. 

 “Right there, Renji. Keep fucking me right there… I’m–oh, fuck–I’m coming.”

 She’s so pretty when she comes. Dark brown porcelain complexion, slick with sweat. Eyes rolling to the back of her head. Pussy clenching and unclenching around my cock. Moaning, whimpering my name back to back. 

She’s breathless. Flawless. I have this image of her painted perfectly in my mind. Watching Y/N come, makes me come, so I make quick work to pull her off my lap. And she knows exactly what I want–to fuck my release down her throat.

 Her mouth is as warm as her pussy, and I let out hitched breaths and harsh grunts when she swallows me whole. I’m relentless when forcing her head down on my cock as I facefuck her. The gurgling noises she makes are obscene. Pornogrpahic, even. 

 And what caused my come to shoot through her mouth is seeing that she’s still massaging her clit, eventually squirting all over her wooden floors. 

 My hips stutter and I throw my head back to moan into the air. “Fuck, Y/N! That’s my fucking girl. Look at you making a mess while choking on my cock and swallowing my come.”

 Y/N takes it upon herself to wrap her lips tighter around my cock and massage my balls, ensuring every single last of my nut has released in her mouth. I take it for a while, but I soon become sensitive, practically feeling my skin being sucked off.

 “Easy now, angel,” I say through an airy chuckle. I pull my cock out and her mouth echoes a pop sound. 

 She whines a little because I’m no longer in her mouth and it causes me to smirk because it wasn’t too long ago where she acted like she hated me. 

 My hand grasps her chin and guides it upwards to meet with my eyes. “You swallowed for me, Y/N? Open up.” She nods, sticking her tongue out. “Perfect.”

 “You’re going to fuck me again?” She asks, catching her bottom lip between her teeth.”

 Gosh, this woman will be the death of me.

tags: @dejwrld @hvshinas @diamondoidxx @xxjazzxx @thegirlwonder1 @ryukenzz @maiapuhpaia @elitesanjisimp @amyrahrose @sweetpeachies @abigolemess @linastired @diorsbrando @starrygetou @niya729 (if i didn't tag you it's because tumblr wouldn't have your user pop up)

[navybrat817]

No Other Love

Pairing: Roommate!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Summary: Bucky wants to surprise you with a romantic evening.

Word Count: Over 2.1k

Warnings: Fluff, established relationship, slight feels (it’s me, okay), Bucky Barnes being romantic (he’s a warning, okay?).

A/N: I received some sad news and almost didn't post, but I wanted to share something that brought happy tears to my eyes with Stud. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Moodboard by yours truly and divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky sent you to your room and wouldn’t tell you why. He had a surprise planned for you and refused to give you any sort of a hint. He only said he debated kicking you out for a few hours, but didn’t want to risk you getting back too early or late. Oh, and he asked you to put on a dress. Your boyfriend had a romantic plan in mind and you wouldn't deny his request.

You did, however, demand snacks while you waited.

“You want me to feed you just because I’m asking you not to go into the kitchen or dining area for a bit?” he smiled when you pointed to the pantry.

“If I can’t leave my room, I will need sustenance,” you replied.

Just like you didn’t argue about his surprise plans, he didn’t argue when he handed over the food.

“What is he doing out there?” you mumbled to yourself, crossing your arms. You debated pressing your ear against the door to listen, but your stealthy boyfriend managed to keep quiet. “Can I come out now?!” you called out.

“No! Don’t distract me!” he yelled back.

You huffed and flopped back against the pillow. It wasn’t that you didn’t like surprises. You just preferred knowing things. Blame it on your curious nature. It was one of the reasons you enjoyed studying. Expanding your mind and absorbing knowledge centered you. With surprises, however, the only option you had was to wait.

But it’s worth it because it’s Stud.

“‘Don’t distract me.’ Like you haven’t distracted me when I have things to do,” you muttered to yourself as you grabbed a book from your nightstand. “Menace of a boyfriend.”

“You talking about me?” he shouted as you mindlessly flipped through the pages.

How the hell…?

“No! Just reading! Get back to work or whatever it is that you’re doing!”

“You trust me, right?” He asked.

Even though he couldn't see your face, you smiled. “Completely,” you answered.

If there was anyone in the world you trusted with your entire being, it was Bucky.

“Then trust that this will be worth it.”

“You got it, Stud!” you said, assuming he went back to work since he chuckled and didn't say anything else.

You passed the time with your book before you got up to look in the mirror. Since Bucky didn’t say what kind of dress to wear, you picked something simple and blue. You loved the color before, but he made you appreciate it more. You felt peace when you looked into his eyes.

Trust, loyalty, love.

You just finished spritzing a bit of perfume on your neck when Bucky knocked on the door. Instead of opening it as you expected, he slid a piece of paper under it instead. As you moved closer, you realized it was shaped like a puzzle piece. Smiling, you picked it up to read the message he wrote.

In my wildest dreams, I never thought someone as amazing as you would come into my life. I hope I’m your dream come true and better than any book boyfriend you've read about.

Oh, Bucky.

With misty eyes, you read the message again and traced the letters with your finger. Bucky was the best boyfriend in the universe and you didn’t think that just because he was yours. Any girl would be lucky to have a man like him by his side. Someone loving and steadfast and true.

“Count to ten and then come out,” Bucky said through the door as you composed yourself.

After silently counting to ten as he instructed, you opened the door with a gasp. Bucky took your apartment, one you saw daily, and transformed it. Fairy lights, adjustable lamps, and candles replaced the normally brightly lit place. You could see blankets and pillows ready in the living room for cuddling and hopefully more. And the scent of freshly baked pizza filled the air.

Best meal ever.

“Bucky?” you asked when you didn’t see him. Was he hiding? You didn’t even see Alpine or Soot. Maybe he put them in his room. You almost called for Bucky again before you spotted another piece of paper on the floor a few feet in front of your door and went to pick it up.

Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to smile for no reason. And I found the reason for my smile the day I found you. Like when I think of that cute look you get on your face when you put a puzzle together.

You held the sheet close to your chest as you found another in the direction of the kitchen, smiling as you went to retrieve it. This was like a treasure hunt, a puzzle you couldn’t wait to complete. Bucky was the “X” that marked the spot.

If I write your name in the sand, it will wash away. If I write it in the clouds, it will blow away. So I wrote it in my heart where it will always stay in my care. Just like I promised your parents.

I’m going to be a blubbering mess if he keeps this up.

“Wise men say.”

You walked into the kitchen as “I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You” filled the room, where Bucky was waiting for you. The song you danced to before you became a couple, one that would forever hold a special place in your heart. And it was as if all the oxygen was sucked from the room as you took in the sight of your boyfriend. Instead of sweatpants or jeans, he wore slacks and a button up shirt. The blue matched your dress. That’s how in sync the two of you were.

He even styled his hair for me.

"Hey, Smartie," he said, his voice gentle as he smiled and nodded to the ground in front of him where another piece of paper lay waiting. “You look beautiful.”

"Thank you, Stud," you smiled, sniffling as you bent down to pick it up. "These messages are beautiful, but are you trying to make me cry? Because if so, well done and it's a good thing I didn't overdo it on the makeup. I'd be a mess."

He laughed, the sound making butterflies flutter in your stomach. "Only if they're tears of joy or pleasure. And you don't need to wear any makeup because you're beautiful," he replied, heat rushing through your body before you read the message.

Love is two people dancing in the kitchen. May I have this dance?

You lifted your gaze to find Bucky holding out his hand. “I’d love to,” you said, setting the pieces of paper on the counter before you joined him. There was no way you would refuse, easily taking his hand for him to pull you into his arms. It was almost overwhelming the way he looked at you, like you were the only person in the world who mattered. If you ever needed to know what love looked like, you only had to gaze into Bucky's eyes.

Am I worthy of such devotion?

"You really are good on your feet,” you said as he began to lead you in a dance.

"I'm even better off my feet," he winked, making you laugh before he spun you away from him, only to pull you back. "That was cheesier than the pizza waiting for us, wasn't it?"

“So cheesy. You had to ruin the moment,” you teased, giving him a coy smile. “So, what’s the special occasion for all this?”

You had a feeling why and wanted your instinct to be correct, but didn’t want to get your hopes up. Family wise, they were ready for you to take the next step. Your parents adored the hell out of Bucky. Becca welcomed you like a sister. Your friends, of course, were also supportive and ready for you to tie the knot.

“Do I need a reason to spoil my girl with an extra romantic pizza and movie night? I’m even letting you pick the movie, even though you chose last time.”

“How generous of you. And no, you don’t need a reason to spoil me,” you said. Even if he didn’t have something specific planned, he made you feel special just by calling you his girl. You knew, no matter how many years passed, the two of you would continue to find ways to make each other feel loved and cared for.

“Do you remember the day we met?” he asked, smiling as if the memory was playing in his mind. “I warned you that Alpine chased off the last person who came over to look at the place. I was worried for a second she'd try the same thing with you.”

“You did warn me,” you giggled. “And I just crouched down and stuck my hand out toward her.”

“She loved you from the start,” he said, pulling you closer as he brushed his mouth against your ear, the gentle tickle of his scruff making your eyes slip shut. “I think I loved you, too.”

Bucky and his perfect voice and perfect words and I'm about to cry all over again.

“You think you loved me from the moment you met me?” You asked, sniffling as he pulled back and nodded. “Because I think I loved you, too. Which sounds crazy, but we're both a little crazy in the best ways.”

We're a couple of dorks who found a way to fit together.

“We are a little crazy. And who would Stud be without his Smartie?" He asked, handing you a sheet that he seemed to pull out of thin air. “One more piece.”

My love for you is like a circle: It has no beginning and no end. And it would be an honor for you to wear my family ring.

Bucky dropped down to one knee and grasped your left hand as he took a box from his pocket. You couldn’t slow the beating of your heart as he looked up at you with loving eyes. “When I tried to think of the perfect proposal, I wanted it to be the kind you deserved. And I couldn’t get our apartment out of my head. This is where we met. The place where you became my roommate. And we made it a home together. You even fell in love with me. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m thankful every single day that you allowed me to love you, too.”

Your breath hitched when he opened the box. Even expecting it, your soul was ready to leave your body. “Bucky,” you whispered, a sob bursting from your throat when he tenderly smiled.

“My mom told me to give this to the person who stole my heart. You gave me the world when you gave me yours. And I promised your dad I'd always take care of you and love you the way you deserve. We’re made for each other and I don’t want to live a single day without you by my side.”

You could only cry when he removed the ring from the box. For him to think you were worthy of wearing something so significant and special to his family was a precious gift. One you would never let him question or regret. “I don’t want to either.”

“You're my missing piece. My forever. My Smartie,” he said, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” you cried, your hand shaking a little as he slipped the ring on your finger. It fit perfectly, like it was made for you. Like you and Bucky were made for each other.

My missing piece. My forever. My Stud.

Bucky stood and leaned in, his breath ghosting over your lips. You eliminated any distance between you by pressing your mouth to his. You clung to him, your mouth soft against his as he brought a thumb up to wipe away your tears. You drew back, your heart fluttering in your chest as he brought his lips to your damp cheek.

“I love you so much,” he breathed against your skin.

“I love you, too, Bucky,” you whispered, bringing your mouth back to his. “I love you, too.”

You never could’ve imagined someone like Bucky in your wildest dreams. He was the reason you smiled, sometimes for no reason at all. You’d write his name on your heart and forever keep it there. You would dance with him in the kitchen or wherever he asked you to. Your love for him, like his love for you, was an unbreakable circle.

And you couldn’t wait to be his wife.

Yay! He proposed! Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[greg-montgomery]

hiii first of all let me say i am ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with your blog and that everything you post is amazing <333

.....and since your requests are open, let me give you the receipt to kill me 😈 (or to make my day, it depends)

so that would be a scenario involving hotch x reader + reader ovulating (or in the days before cycle when the hormones are all 🥴🦋🥰🤭🤤) + him being condescending in bed

my brain is fixated on this and I was waiting to request this to someone

⚠️ i am a consent-queen anon and i invite you to write this only if you can/feel like it/have the time to. If not, delete the ask bc i don't wanna make you uncomfortable, you're so sweet in your interactions <3

hiiii <3 you're so sweet!!! i'm super late to this, but i hope you're still around and get to read this and enjoy it <33 ilysm!

minors dni - 18+

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Those damn profilers….and you had to be the one to be dating one of the best of them. It was impossible to hide from Aaron.

It wasn’t common for you, wanting to hide things from him. He was the one who you trusted more than anyone else in your life. But sometimes, you felt…embarrassed of things.

Like that evening, you wanted to have sex with Aaron, but didn’t want to be the one who initiated it again. You were the one who was all over him the night before and that morning. It felt almost humiliating having to ask for sex again.

But you weren’t at fault. Aaron had just come home from work and he was so tired, he didn’t follow his usual routine of taking his suit off and running into the shower. That was the reason you felt guilty for wanting to disturb his resting time. But that was also the reason you wanted him so bad; his suit, his untied tie, the sweat on his forehead. And maybe also the fact that your little period calendar app had reminded you yesterday that you were ovulating.

Still, no matter how much you were trying to conceal your sudden and very much desperate desire for your boyfriend, he was clearly onto you.

“Why are you staring at me, honey?” he asked, not bothering to lift his head to look at you. His eyes were glued on the screen of his phone, going through his emails.

“Just missed you, that’s all.”

“I missed you too, baby.” His deep voice calling you ‘baby’ only worsened your problem. Maybe you just had to get some alone time and take care of it.

“Um…I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?” you said.

“Now?”

“Yeah. Did you wanna go first?”

He finally lifted his gaze from his phone and looked at you with a smirk. “Are you really that desperate?”

“What?”

Aaron threw his phone on the cushion next to him and spread his legs wider. “On my lap.”

As if you were under a spell, you got up without even thinking it, walked towards the couch, and straddled Aaron’s lap.

You were so turned on that even that light touch of your body meeting his sent sparkles to your clit.

His large hands went straight to your exposed thighs, rubbing them up and down.

“My princess,” he said leaving a small kiss on your lips. “Haven’t I told you that I want you to always ask me for what you need?”

“I don’t…”

“Don’t lie to me. I can tell you’re struggling,” he said with a soft laugh. And with a tone that suggested that you were pathetic he added, “You’re horny, aren’t you?”

“Aaron,” you whined, and hit him playfully on the arm.

“Aren’t you?” he repeated.

You were too embarrassed to reply with words so you just nodded your head.

“See? I can always tell what’s going on in that pretty head of yours,” he said, his hand cupping the side of your face, “so you may as well just ask for what you want. It’ll save us both time.”

“You’re being mean,” you said.

“Am I still going to be mean if I get you off?”

Embarrassed or not, his words made your eyes sparkle.

“That’s what I thought. Now take off your clothes,” he ordered.

As you were getting undressed, Aaron unzipped his pants and took his cock out. When you got to the part of taking off your underwear he started stroking himself slowly, not taking his eyes off you for a moment.

You were almost drooling watching him still all dressed up touching himself, and the ache between your legs was getting unbearable.

“Come back here,” he said, once you were fully nude.

His thumb started touching your clit, circling it in a slow pace that made your knees already tremble. “Aaron…”

“Do you like it?”

“Mhm…” you said biting your lip.

“You can be louder, sweetheart. No one’s home but us,” he said and slipped his middle finger in you.

“Ah…”

Aaron’s fingers were thick, and could make you see stars. But at the moment, nothing but his cock could really satisfy you.

“I want you to fuck me. Please, Aaron, I can’t…”

“Okay,” he said, leaning in slightly to leave an open mouthed kiss to one of your nipples. “Okay. I’ve got you.”

He kissed the spot between your breasts and looked up at you with a smile. “You really need me, don’t you baby?”

“So bad,” you admitted.

With that, he pulled you down by your hips, and you took his hard dick in your hand, guiding it into your hole.

“My God,” you moaned at the feeling of him finally filling you up. “Aaron…”

He threw his head back and swallowed harshly at the feeling of your pussy around him. “Ah baby…”

Aaron’s dick was big just like everything else about him, which was exactly what you needed; feeling him deep inside you, hitting every spot that made your thoughts blurry and left you thinking only his name.

Your movements were desperate, riding him and taking him all in like you needed. His hands were on your ass, not to guide you but more for his enjoyment.

You wrapped your hands around his neck and kissed him deeply, wanting to devour every drop of this man’s body. “You feel so good inside me,” you moaned against his mouth.

“You like it, baby?”

“I love it.”

You pulled away just enough for him to move his hands and cup your tits, massaging them as you rocked your hips against his.

“You always take it so well. If only you could see how desperate you look, baby. Just a dumb girl who’s always thinking about my cock, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Aaron. Yes,” you moaned, and the built up in your lower belly got bigger and bigger.

Aaron started rubbing your clit, faster than he did at the beginning, watching your movements getting more and more clumsy as you were getting closer towards your release.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined.

“That’s my good girl. Come on, baby. That’s my girl.”

Aaron’s encouraging words, his finger on your clit, and his dick buried in your pussy had you clenching around him and moaning his name. “Fuck.”

“Kneel for me. I wanna cum on your face,” he moaned.

Still feeling numb between your legs, you got on your knees in front of him and watched him as he stroked himself. Soon he painted you with his cum, and you enjoyed the feeling of the warm liquid on your skin. It made you feel his.

[alt-vera]

— whiskey girl ⁀➷

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joel miller gives his whiskey girl a gift.

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✿ | joel miller | 1.06k | ❛ whiskey girl - toby keith ❜ | part one

warnings: pre outbreak!joel miller. drinking. allude to sex. age gap.

note: who knows when im gonna post again lol stay tuned for part two tho

❝ just ain’t enough good burn in tequila, she needs somethin’ with a little more edge and a little more pain ❞

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JOEL MILLER LIKED HIS GIRLS LIKE HE LIKED HIS DRINKS.

　Strong, neat, and not cheap enough to make him gag.

　That’s why he liked you: a farmer’s granddaughter majoring in agriculture who worked hard for what she had and knew the value of respecting those around her without being walked over. A little ragged on the edges, but Joel liked ‘em rough.

　Same could be said for you. You liked Joel for the same reasons he fawned over you. He was charming, and assiduous, with enough edge worn into his features to draw you in at the drop of a dime.

　So, when you invited Joel to a local dive bar on an eventless friday night, he sure as hell wasn’t going to say no. It was rare for you both to be free; usually he was working late, or you had classes, or tests, or were helping on the farm.

　He saw your worn mustang parked by the entrance, and spotted you instantaneously as he walked inside. A welcoming aura surrounded you as you chatted with some old men, presumably other farmers who knew you from your last name and came in for a drink after a sweltering day of plowing fields. Your smile gleamed under the warm lights of the bar, and Joel couldn’t help it as his lips curled into a smile just from looking at you.

　“Haven’t been making you wait long, have i?” He drawled as he sauntered up to you, hand making it’s way into the back pocket of your jeans, pulling you closer to him.

　You directed your smile his way before bidding your goodbyes to the old folks. “‘Course not, Miller. You know that if you did, i would’ve given you hell as soon as you set foot in the door.”

　Joel chuckled, running his free hand through his messy hair. “Fair enough, darlin’. You need a drink?”

　“Please,” You replied, and Joel put two fingers in his mouth, throwing a loud whistle at the bartender.

　“Can i get a beer and a, uh,” He glanced over to you for a moment, deep eyes meeting your own, before a smirked danced across his features, “…a whiskey, neat, for my girl, please.”

　You couldn’t help as your cheeks warmed at his words. My girl. You rolled your eyes, turning your face away from him so that he couldn’t see the ruddy heat spreading across your face.

　The two of you didn’t have a label. You drank together, you kissed, you fucked. You’d make dinner for him and his daughter, and he’d take you for drives at sunset down empty country roads, radio blasting through the open heat waves as you yelled gleefully out the windows.

　Still, anyone who looked at you and Joel knew there was something there, even when his hand wasn’t in your back pocket or your fingers were grasping his forearm. You were his girl. And he was your guy. No denomination necessary.

　One whiskey turned to three before you were singing along to the jukebox in the corner of the bar, holding up invisible microphones to random folks who’d join you in your performance. Joel watched, amused, as you twirled around to the twang of the guitar blaring through the speakers. His smile grew as you crept closer to him, pretending to reel him in to dance with you like a fish caught on a worm.

　Little did you know that you already had him from the moment he met you. Hook, line, and sinker.

　His hand found yours as he gave in, not much of a dancer, but eager to spin you around. You let him lead you, swaying to the pace of the music, pulling you closer to him as the tempo continued on.

　He pulled you flush against him. Forgetting the music, forgetting the dancing, forgetting the watching eyes. He kissed you, a passionate catch of the lips that left you craving more, the dull glow of amber above you acting like a spotlight that shone on you and Joel solely.

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　Joel couldn’t help himself as reached a hand up and drew a sloppy happy face on the fogged up windows of your mustang. Your head laid on his bare chest as you both fought to catch your breath, crickets chirping loudly in the farm field, audible even through the barrier of your car.

　You felt him bury his nose in your hair, breathing in the smell of you. Vanilla, and sweet musk, and whiskey. He felt you smile against his pec, eyes stealing a glance up to meet his.

　“I have a present for you,” He spoke suddenly, voice worn and husky.

　“Better than the way you just fucked me?” You joked with a light chuckle, feeling his arm move as he went to fish something out of his jeans that had fell on the floor of your backseat.

　He held the gift in his large hand before opening his palm to you to reveal a small wooden box. His fingers inched it open, and inside was a thin-banded ring with a dainty diamond in the middle.

　You turned dreadfully quiet as you stared at the band, and an anxious prickle crept over Joel’s skin.

　You raised yourself off his chest, turning to look at him. “Joel, if you’re proposing to me before even asking me to be your girlfriend, then i’m going to chuck this out into the field.”

　“What?” He laughed, inching so that he was sitting upright. “No, no, it’s a promise ring,” He said, plucking the jewellery out of the box and grabbing your hand, pushing it delicately onto your ring finger.

　“Ever since Sarah’s mom up and left, datin’ has been hard. I didn’t even wanna look at another woman—“ Joel’s deep eyes met yours, and you felt your heart swell, “—Until i met you.”

　“I don’t want t’distract you from your studies,” He continued, “But you’re my girl, and i want everyone to know it.”

　There it was again. My girl. Your pulse raced as you kissed him eagerly, full of adoration. Joel could still taste the smooth relish of whiskey on your breath.

　You smiled at him euphorically as you pulled away, words leaving your lips before you could even register the weight of them. “I love you, Joel.”

　Joel’s thumb stroked your cheek affectionately, returning your grin. “I love you too, my little whiskey girl.”

[traumasurvivors]

Here’s a link to a blog post on my personal website on a topic that I think is very important.

I’ve also put it below the read more for people that don’t like external links. But if you're okay with it, checking it out on my personal website is really nice (and even giving it a heart if you can)! I don't make money from my website, so there are no intrusive ads or anything like that to stop you from reading the article.

Embracing Your Inner Child

This applies to anyone, but I really want to emphasize this to my fellow survivors who went through trauma as children and/or teenagers.

I’m so sorry you lost part, most or all of your childhood. That doesn’t mean it’s too late to give your inner child what you can. This includes comfort but it also includes doing the things you didn’t get to if you can.

Play the fun games. Buy the tasty treats. Go on adventures.

It’s never too late to feel a little more of the kind of joy you had (or should have had) as a child. You may not be able to be a child again, but you can still help and support your inner child.

You might have been told that a fun idea you had was “silly” or even “stupid.” When you have those thoughts now, instead of rejecting it, embrace the “silly” idea and let yourself enjoy it. It’s not shameful or wrong to do the things your inner child wants to do. It’s okay to be “immature” sometimes, even if you’re twenty years old. Or thirty. Or sixty. I just want to say that I don’t think any of this is immature, but I know that is a bias and judgement a lot of us might pass on ourselves. 

A short, not at all complete list of things you might do for your inner child:

Watch childhood movies or tv shows (Did you watch “Blues Clues”, or “Pokemon”? Maybe “The Land Before Time”? There’s no reason you can’t still enjoy them.)

Listen to “silly” music, maybe singing along or dancing to it (for me, one favourite is “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” from The Lion King. I know every word and have a dance party everytime it comes on my shuffle.)

Go to the park and use the swings (I don’t know why, but flying up just a few feet can make me forget all my “grown-up” worries)

Have a treat just because (maybe that big sundae your parents never let you have, or the chicken nuggets you haven’t had in a decade). Maybe you want to fulfil your childhood dream of having ice cream for breakfast! 

Go to the toy store - maybe even get some stuffed animals or other toy items. (I just recently realized that I can fulfill my childhood dream of collecting certain toys that I never got to have when I was younger!) 

Ride a roller coaster and scream your head off on the way down (I like to try to be in the very first car)

Make creative, crafty stuff - like a painting or drawing, or decorating a picture on construction paper with googly eyes and glitter or a clay model with a weirdly shaped head (even if the result looks like something you’d expect to see in a kindergarten class, or the process makes a mess that looks like a glitter bomb went off)

Another aspect of embracing your inner child is trying to give your inner child the person you needed when you were a child. 

This might mean standing up for yourself when others try to put you down or take credit for things you’ve done, even (or especially) if no one else spoke up for you when you were a child. 

It might mean offering comfort and compassion to yourself, and not being too hard on yourself when you make mistakes that you would have been insulted for as a child or don’t know something that “everyone learns as a child.” Maybe now you can teach yourself that accidents happen, and spilling a drink or breaking a plate is not the disaster and failure of character that you were told as a child. 

It might mean being patient with yourself when something is harder to do than you feel like it should be (whether you actually aren’t able to do it as easily as others, or you have unrealistic expectations of its difficulty because of the expectations put on you as a child). There are lots of instructional videos out there to help you to gain basic cooking or cleaning skills. If you never really learned to read, there are programs to help you. If you weren’t allowed or able to learn to manage your emotions or relationships in healthy ways, there’s help out there for you. There is absolutely no shame in not learning any kind of skills you feel you “should” have learned as a child, and it is okay to learn them as an adult.

You may have had to grow up too fast. You may not have been allowed to do the fun things. You may have suffered trauma that shattered your childhood. I’m here to tell you that you still have an inner child, and embracing that inner child is good for you. Just because you’re an adult, at any age, doesn’t mean that you’re too old to have fun.

No one else gets to decide what’s right for you - you get to decide what you enjoy and what you want.

And it’s never too late to remember, indulge, listen to, and embrace your inner child. Let them be a part of how you choose to move forward. It’s time for us to realize that there is no one way to be an adult, and we get to decide what being an adult means to us. And if that means I want to rent a bouncy castle for my birthday, then that is my perfectly valid version of an adult birthday (a birthday which my inner child would be thrilled about, by the way).

[writerslittlelibrary]

How can I help you?

masterlist

summary: since you were small, your mom has always been able to help you feel better. fallen ice cream, scratched knee, your mom always knew the solution. but now? it almost seems that even your mother doesn’t know how to help you now…

pairing: Natasha x depressed daughter reader

warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts 

genre: angst, fluff

words: 1459

a/n: I’ve been in quite a weird period the past two weeks. my emotions have been weird and confusing, which is why I haven’t posted anything in a while. I apologise for not posting a lot, and I promise to get at least three small fics out this week :) 

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

 |——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

You can’t really remember when it started. You were always fond of being in your room, yet at some point, being in your room wasn’t really your choice anymore. When you didn’t know who to blame, you simply blamed Covid. Ever since that virus came, your life has become confusing. 

Natasha would usually just blame it on your teenage years. You were going through puberty. Your body changed. Your mind changed. Everything changed. 

However, somewhere, deep down, you knew it wasn’t your age. 

You graduated last year, and because you weren’t sure what you wanted to study, you had decided to take a gap year. Natasha was incredibly supportive. She said she didn’t want you to choose anything because you felt like you had to, so you didn’t choose at all. 

The first few months of your gap year were amazing. You were enjoying all the free time you suddenly had, spending it with either gaming, reading, or watching your shows.

At some point, however, it started to become boring. 

You didn't want to go back to school. However, you also didn’t really want to stay at home anymore either. You didn’t know what you wanted.

Most days, you slept in until noon. Natasha would leave for work early in the mornings, and you would stay behind in bed. You only saw your mother when she came home late from work. You didn’t tell her about you sleeping in so late. Your mother has always followed a healthy lifestyle. Even on the days she was free she would wake up early.

She never shamed you for sleeping in. She never woke you up or told you you needed a better sleep schedule. However, still, for some reason, you felt ashamed. 

You didn’t tell her about your energy disappearing either. You didn't tell her you didn't have the energy to get out of bed anymore. You didn't tell her you lost the energy to eat. You never told her you lost the ability to take care of yourself. At one point, it just happened. 

You knew that if you ever told Natasha she would be worried sick. You knew she would do anything to make you feel better. She had done so since she adopted you.

When you were five you were in the park, and Natasha had gotten you ice cream. However, you were a little too excited, and after jumping once, your ice cream rolled off its cone. You stood there crying, while Natasha simply picked you up and assured you she would fix it. She kissed your tears away and got you another ice cream, in a little paper bowl this time. 

When you were 9, you were playing outside. You fell while your auntie Yelena was chasing you, and you scraped your knee. You clutched your leg and you wailed for your mama, and there she was. She picked you up and once again she kissed your tears away. She took you inside and gently cleaned your wounds. She allowed you to pick out a beautiful band-aid, and she gently placed it on your scratch, before kissing it better.

However, how could she possibly fix this? How could she place a band-aid on a wound she couldn't see?

You felt hopeless, and you felt as though the only way out would be to end it. You weren't very fond of the idea of ending your life. You didn't really want it to end, after all. You just wanted your current life to end. Your life was slow, and for some reason it felt as though you were merely floating around. 

At some point, you stopped existing. You stopped being you. You just became another dot on the map.

You weren't a person anymore. You were a thing existing in this world. You were existing, but you weren't significant. You didn't matter, so what difference would it make if you weren't there anymore at all?

Today was no different. Natasha had gone to work early, leaving you to sleep in. You were still in bed, even though it was already 4 pm. 

However, what you didn't know was that Natasha had been seeing something was wrong for a while. She knew you weren't yourself, and she knew you struggled taking care of yourself. Yet, for your entire life you've always wanted to do things yourself. You never wanted your mom to help you. And so, even now, she decided to give you time to figure things out for yourself. 

However, now she decided that time was up. You weren't getting any better, and Natasha was only growing more worried with the day. 

She had gone to work that morning, but at her job she told her boss that she was taking a few weeks off. Her daughter needed her, had been her truthful excuse, and her boss agreed. She went home around 4.30 pm, and when she entered the house she found out you were still in bed.

She walked towards your room and softly knocked on your door.

“Sweetheart? Are you there?” Natasha spoke as she opened the door, her eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness in your room. 

“Are you alright, honey?” Natasha asked as she walked into your room, closing the door behind her and sitting beside you on the bed. You barely acknowledged her presence, humming softly while you pulled your blankets up a bit, trying to shield your face from the light coming from the hallways.

Natasha let her hand gently stroke your hair, feeling the oily and knotted hair that rested on top of your head. 

“Are you okay?” Natasha then asked, and before you even had time to respond, you started crying.

Natasha didn't hesitate to pull you into a sitting position, pulling your body so it could lean upon hers. She allowed you to sob into her shoulder while she gently stroked you back, letting you know you were safe.

“I don't know why I feel this,” you sobbed out.

“It's alright, sweetheart, you don't have to know,” Natasha explained softly as she gave you a kiss on your hair. She held your head tightly to her chest, allowing her lips to rest upon your head.

“I don’t feel good, mama. I don't wanna be like this,” you sobbed out, and it didn't take long before Natasha realised what you truly meant by that. 

However, being the understanding mom she is, she didn't comment on it. She didn't suddenly sprung you with motivational quotes, telling you you have so much left to live for. She simply held you, sushing you as you cried and sniffled in her shoulder. 

“Can I help you?” Natasha softly asked after a few minutes, waiting for your confirmation. 

When you gave a small nod and let out another sob, Natasha lifted your body out of your bed, carrying you towards the bathroom and putting you down on the toilet cover. 

She turned the water on, allowing the bathtub to fill with hot water as steam filled the room. 

“I’m gonna grab some clean clothes alright? I'll be right back,” Natasha stated as she went back into your room, grabbing some clean clothes before returning to the bathroom. She set the clothes on the rack, helping you off the toilet seat and out of your clothes.

After you were settled in the bath, Natasha pulled out some shampoo, massaging it into your head before rinsing it out, repeating the process with the conditioner.

After your hair was clean, Natasha grabbed a comb, gently working on the knots and matted parts of your hair. After she finished, she washed your hair again, enjoying the feeling of the now silky soft hair in between her fingers. 

After finishing your hair, she helped you wash the rest of your body, before helping you out of the bathtub and drying you off. 

Natasha didn't allow you to walk yourself, instead lifting you up into her arms and carrying you down the stairs. Luckily she was crazy strong, so despite your age, she could still easily carry you as if you were merely a small child. 

After you were settled on the couch, Natasha went into the kitchen, preparing you a nice and healthy meal.

For the rest of the day, you simply sat on the couch, leaning on your mama while she gently stroked your back. It might have seemed lazy to the normal person, but for you, it was change. You weren't alone, for starters. There was daylight in the living room, and there was social interaction, even if little was being said. 

In the end, you realised, that despite the wound not being visible, your mama would always be able to stick a band-aid on it. 

Fic tags: @prentissluvrz @natsbiggestfan1

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @n0txn3vee @lorsstar1st

[nicklesbam]

Sleep

TW: angst, mental health issues

I know this isn’t the latest story you guys thought I would be posting but I know a lot of people are going through a hard time right now and so am I, I thought why not make something out of this feeling yk?

not proofread, I did all of this in about 30 minutes or so

Y/N POV

Sleep. Why do we need it? Is it the constant state of tiredness? An escape from reality? Who knows, all I know is I can’t seem to fall asleep

Throughout the days I get more exhausted, my smile starts to wear thin, and my eyes feel like they’re ablaze. I just want to stay coupled up in my room

But I can’t. Every day it’s another curse and everyday we kill it, it’s like a cycle on repeat day in and day out

“You look tired,” Gojo spoke as we were walking in silence beforehand. I just look to him, my eye bags giving it away, “have you been getting enough sleep?”

“I’m fine, I just didn’t get much sleep last night. I’ll go to bed early tonight” I lied through my teeth. I’m helpless, nothing feels how it should, nothing is how it should be. We continue to walk in silence back to jujustu high

Once I get back to my room I change and just lay on my bed. Why am I like this? I was just fine a couple days ago, so why now? I had so many unanswered questions

I kept up on my training as to not alert anyone of any implications that I’m not doing alright. I remember when Suguru Geto was still here, we used to be close. I remember what it was like to fight beside him, how we used to have fun along with Gojo but it’s in the past now. Now my future is full with cursed spirits

I dream of a place in my mind where I could go. I could just go and never have to worry about anything. I would have my best friends beside me and there would be no cursed spirits, everything would be perfect. It was a dream for a reason

I haven’t been able to bring myself to eat much, only what I need to stay alive. I’m in darkness and I don’t think anyone could pull me out, it’s too late. I curled in on myself under my blanket, sniffling for reasons unknown to me. Sometimes everything we do as sorcerers gets too much, it’s starting to get too much for me and it was too much for Suguru Geto. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I started to sob loudly under my covers

I heard the door open but I didn’t care, I had finally broke the tall standing wall I had put up. The person rushed to my side and lifted the blanket. Gojo stood there with a worried face

“Y/n! Are you ok?” His question just made me sob more. I couldn’t control myself at this point

“Is there something you need?! Something I can do?! Please! Tell me!” He doesn’t know what to do, I myself don’t know what to do. I just lay there a sobbing mess as one of my best friends stares at me with worry etched across his face

Suddenly another pair of footsteps sounds in the room. I can’t move, I can’t see who it is

‘Just leave! Please! I don’t want you to see me like this!’ I shouted in my head only for it not to reach my lips

“Y/n are you alright?” I recognized the voice as shoko. She tried to touch my shoulder but I shook it off. I wanted to scream, scream until my lungs give out, scream until I can’t breathe, scream until my best friend is back. My pillow was soaked with tears

Gojo hesitated as he moved closer to the bed. He lifted the covers and climbed in the bed with me while Shoko gave him a confused look. He moved closer to me until we were only a couple inches apart. He listened to me sob into my pillow, quieting my screams. If I could only see the hurt look on his face, I would’ve been broken for good. He suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me to his chest. One of his arms stays on my back as the other strokes my hair softly

“Let it all out.” Was all he said. I sobbed into his chest, my screams breaking both of their hearts as it is mine. Gojo let silent tears fall down his cheeks as he couldn’t help it, he already lost one best friend and he wasn’t ready to lose another

Shoko stared in concern at the scene in front of her not knowing what to do so she did what she could and sat on the bed next to us. She gently laid her hand on my back and rubbed soothing circles. Both of the physical sentiments seem to help calm me down, soon I was reduced to silent tears and hiccup breaths as I felt my exhaustion consume me

Gojo was panicking on the inside as he held his sleeping tear-stained best friend in his arms. He didn’t want to lose another friend, he’d already lost one and he wasn’t ready to let go of another. He held onto me as tightly as he could without hurting me. His tears still stream down his face quietly as he worries what my future could look like, a sorcerer? A curse user? ….Geto? He quickly ran the idea out of his mind

I fell asleep in the embrace of two of my best friends and I realized something. I may miss old memories, old friends but my most loved ones are right here with me. I can’t have time pass me by while I’m still stuck in the past, yes it takes time to heal and it can’t be done overnight but it has to be done or it’ll consume me

I avoided sleep for the longest time hoping I wouldn’t see his face. I always wondered how he felt in his final weeks before he turned to the other side until I realized, this is how he felt. He felt alone, he felt hatred, he felt sorrow. I don’t think there’s even a word for everything he felt. I felt horrible knowing one of the people I cared about most was suffering in silence for so long and we couldn’t notice

I felt grateful, grateful that I have friends who see me hurting and what I’m going through. Who don’t know how to help but they help anyways, that’s the kind of friends I don’t want to push away. I’m happy to know that I’m not alone through all of this and that if I need someone they’re always there

[illiterateaffairs]

DISTRACTIONS SCENE BETWEEN | STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER

pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)

rating: T

word count: 1,190

summary: the first time you spend the night at jamie’s place. this takes place between chapters three and four of distractions. 

A/N: here is the first missing scene from distractions! sorry this is posted so late but it’s still monday for me! i plan on doing a few of these here and there, and will be posting another for ted day tomorrow. please let me know if there are any other moments, either mentioned or implied, you’d like to see from distractions! because i had a busy memorial day weekend, i haven’t had the chance to get chapter seven of distractions in a perfect place, so want to make sure you guys have some small things to hold you over. chapter seven should be out friday!

distractions masterlist 

There were a lot of things that brought you to Jamie’s door that night. 

One was homesickness. You had made the mistake of going on Facebook - a mistake in and of itself - and happened upon pictures of your extended family at a get-together for God knows what. It really didn’t matter. It was just a reminder of what you were missing, even before moving to another continent. You could count on one hand the number of times you got to go home to see your dads in the last few years, and lately it's been hitting you harder how much you missed them.

The second was also Facebook's fault. As you continued scrolling through the app in a depressed haze, you’d happened upon a post from Mason’s mom. God you really needed to unfriend him and his whole family. She had posted pictures of their family; Mason and Chloe included. Without even thinking, you’d clicked on Mason’s profile and saw his updated status.

In a relationship.

He and Chloe were Facebook official. 

While this didn’t surprise you, it still didn’t make you feel good. It was embarrassing the hold he still had on you, even though you’ve long since realized you deserved better than him. It just wasn’t fair that he got to flaunt his perfect, new relationship even though he fucked up and cheated. Eventually, you knew you’d stop caring, but right now all you needed was to get your mind off of your ex and his new girlfriend immediately. 

The third reason you came to see Jamie was a bit more complicated, and you didn’t even fully understand it. The reason being that you just really wanted to see him. You chalked it up to being lonely and horny, and didn’t dwell on the swirling feelings any longer than you should’ve. 

You knocked on his door around 10PM. You were worried he might already be asleep, or out training with Roy. You felt more relieved than you should when you heard the pads of his feet approach the front door. When he opened it, his first reaction was one of surprise, before his expression became pleased. He barely had time to formulate a greeting when your lips were on his. Jamie didn’t need instructions. He immediately hoisted you into his arms and carried you to his room. 

While you were used to Jamie’s generosity in bed, he was extra giving that night. You’d quickly learned it was because he’d sensed your tension. After round three or four - you couldn’t keep track - you and Jamie were laying side by side. He’d slowly turned to face you, and pulled his sheets up to cover you both. He gently thumbed your chin, coaxing you to face him as well. 

“Are you alright?” he’d asked softly. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Jamie shrugged, “You’re quieter than usual.”

You chuckled, “What? I wasn’t loud enough for you before?”

He rolled his eyes, but smirked slightly, “No, I mean, you’re usually more talkative.”

“Are you saying I talk too much?”

You realized his hand was still making contact with your face when he reached down to lightly pinch your shoulder, “Stop it. I like when you talk, but you’ve barely said a word since you’ve been here. And while I definitely do not mind the surprise visit, you’ve never come to my place before. Just wondering if something happened.”

You sighed, no longer able to meet his eye. “It’s really nothing. Was just feeling off today.”

Jamie hummed, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think so,” you shook your head, “Not right now.” 

“Okay. Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Hmm,” you basked in his attention and the way he was playing with your hair for a second, “What did you want to be when you grew up?”

“What?” Jamie let out a confused laugh. 

“You know, like when you were a kid, did you always want to be a football player, or did you want to be something else?”

“Huh,” Jamie thought for a beat, “I feel like I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a footballer. After my mom got me into it, I never looked back.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” you mused.

“What about you?” he asked after a few seconds. 

“I think in kindergarten I wanted to be a ballerina because I watched Barbie Swan Lake.”

“Of course.”

“And then when I was 9 or 10 I wanted to be a meteorologist. Or no, a storm chaser!” 

Jamie laughed loudly, “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I watched the Wizard of Oz and thought tornadoes were cool as hell.”

“I think that’s the opposite of what you’re supposed to think.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not like other girls,” you both laughed. “But then in middle school, I took my first creative writing class and I was hooked. I felt like I could write forever.” 

“Is that what you did before you came here?” he questioned.

“Sort of. I wrote for an advertising agency, but I wasn’t passionate about it. What I really want to do is be an author,” you admitted quietly.

“Yeah? That’d be so cool.” Jamie whispered, still twisting your hair between his fingers. 

“I think so, too,” you smiled a bit, “But I just haven’t had any inspiration lately.”

Jamie nodded, “Well I bet when you do start writing again, it’ll be great.”

“How would you know? You’ve never read my writing.”

“I just know.” After another few beats of silence, he continues even quieter, “Would you ever let me read something of yours, when you do?”

You studied him through your lashes, before giving him a tiny smile of your own. “Maybe,” you respond coyly. “You have to promise to lie to me and tell me you love it even if you hate it, though.”

Jamie huffs, “I doubt that’ll happen, but I promise.” 

“Thank you.”

You and Jamie kept chatting for a few more minutes before your eyelids grew heavy. As you drifted off, you note how comfortable and at ease you feel with Jamie. Whether it's when you’re hooking up, or just enjoying each other’s company, you feel nice and safe. It was a new feeling, and you didn’t know what it meant, especially when you were half asleep, but you liked it. 

The two of you slept soundly, wrapped up in one another, until around 4AM when you heard pounding coming from the front door. Without opening your eyes, you groan as you feel Jamie pull himself out of bed and out of your arms. 

“I’m sorry, it’s Roy,” he whispered, “I’ve got to get to training.” 

You let out another noise of protest and Jamie chuckled quietly. 

“Next time we stay at my place where Roy can’t find us,” you mumbled tiredly.

“Sounds good to me.”

You barely registered what must have been Jamie kissing your cheek before you’re falling back asleep. 

You were fully out again as Jamie quickly and quietly got ready. Before he jogged downstairs to meet Roy, he indulged himself with one last lingering look at your sleeping form. 

God, you were cute.

A/N: once again, please let me know what you think!! and if there are any other missing scenes you’d like to see! <3 p.s. anyone who asked to be on the taglist today/yesterday I will make sure you’re included in my post tomorrow!

Taglist: @atabigail @boundtomyfate @sammysgirl1997 @lil-tracys @shephard17895 @alaspice @itsbarbraann @redpool @drmeghanjones @straightforwardly @alex-sulli @aiyaiy @artemismaximoff @roadtoself-love @theloud-yet-quietone @forcesofgrief @kirisimpster @geek-and-proud @grippleback-galaxy @lalla-04p @gabbycoady13 @royalestrellas @qardasngan @creationcitystreet-em @percysaidnever @emily-b @mrfitzsimmons @k-n-e @agentstarkid @legobatmans9thab @mrsprongs25 @escapismqueen @sokkigarden @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @dollfaceyourfear @dicgohargreeves @heyitz-julia @vampirodelascajas @grxcesmind @lizziel1410 @bcon24 @looooooooomis @queen-of-dumbasses @moseyluvs @alipap3 @amachira @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @daphneblakeswife​ @chelseamount​ @k0z3me​ @lickitandsendit3​ @miakreid​ @shimmeringfrenchie​  @meg-ro​ ​@spookysins @a-sweet-little-fangirl @optimisticsandwichgladiator @marveltg365 @ringpopdust @gcidrvsh @beardsplitter @scaramou   @ibong-adarnaaa @piper570 @eviemae263782 it wouldn’t let me tag the last few of you, let me know if its something with your settings, otherwise i can keep trying in future updates! <3  ​

[famemonsterrr]

Astrological observations part 20.

! This is 20th blog with observations and I’m so shocked I haven’t give up yet. Pliz for the love of mercury be gentle with me cause English isn’t my second language and I’m trying my best with vocabulary and grammar. Lastly these are my opinion and what I have experienced in my life don’t take it personally!

༘⋆ having earth sign placements means stress and anxiety for everything (send you love)

༘⋆ Leo moons must be the least confident placements because Leo is in the planet of emotions and so any criticism will crush them. Pliz be gentle with Leo moons:(

༘⋆ y’all think that Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces aren’t easy to keep and they will change many lovers but I will tell you that you aren’t special enough to keep them. If they actually fall in love with you then they won’t leave even if Satan tries to bribe them.

༘⋆ Having libra/gemini moon is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I will talk about the curse of feeling a lot but you can’t decide what to feel…yeah you can talk ur emotions but truly u can’t even pick anything to feel. Also having your moon in your 3rd house is actually the same thing as having libra or Gemini.

༘⋆ Capricorn men are the men who look really good with glasses and elegant library college style. Prove me wrong hihihi

༘⋆ and speaking of male Capricorns. I want someone to explain to me why they look like they have lived 20 lives in the span of 5 years? Like Capricorn men change so much…and it’s really scary. If not the most chameleon type of sign.

༘⋆ everyone can say that they had a messy life or they messed up a lot…but not like Gemini,Aries,Pisces and Sagittarius did. These people they have done the most stupid shit ever and then BOOM one day they decide that have grow up and need to fix their lives. (It’s never too late babes)

༘⋆ in the subject of men (which I don’t like as much) I have to tell you that the men who looked the most beautiful are libra and Taurus men. Like they are so eye candies.

༘⋆ and the last capricorn observation but I true love u guys and also I want to know why you are talented and know so many things? Like I have noticed that so many male Capricorns are so talented and can talk about everything. Like they can paint, draw, play music, sing, act and they are so funny and charismatic…women? Literally goddesses.

༘⋆ I was watching the office and the line that Ryan says "I’m keeping a list of everyone who wrongs me" is the most Scorpio and Leo thing I have ever seen.

༘⋆ I have been around with a lot of Pisces and honestly they all so social butterfly (expect me who dislikes people for some reason) I don’t know why people think we are shy and introverts?

༘⋆ okay but I have noticed that people who are okay with nudity and consider it as freedom are the people who have heavy Aries, Scorpio, libra and Sagittarius placements.

༘⋆ mercury usually doesn’t really show about love but since it’s the planet about thoughts, it actually shows how you think about love or when do you like someone. For example Aquarius mercuries they know damn well when they like someone and they act accordingly (of course that can be influenced from other love related planets)

༘⋆ I love seeing the “Kris Kross” between 2 peoples charts. Like if you have a lot of the same zodiac signs but in opposite placements (like having Pisces sun with Aquarius Venus and they have Aquarius sun with Pisces Venus) then consider this a win and really positive for a relationship of course aespects are important as well. Now I can’t say the same thing in friendship synastry…the most crazy combinations can happen there

That’s all babes <3

My masterlist if you care to read more my other blogs.

Thank you soooo much for liking my posts and give me support to keep writing. Really greatful for it 🫶🏻

Stay healthy,happy and peaceful in these dark times we living.

Send u a lot of love 🫶🏻

[banquetwriter]

୨୧ untitled ୨୧

pairing: Johnnie Guilbert ♡︎ Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ crying, major deppression

summary: ʚ you go through a depressive episode and Johnnie helps ɞ

Words: 1777

An: so this was horrible for me to write and I'm so so sorry

Guilt was racking through your body. You don't have any energy left in your body nowadays, it's the reason you haven't posted in almost two months. It's the reason your room and subsequent house are filthy. It's the reason why no matter how hard you try you never ever seem to fit in.

Your cheeks are tear-stained, and you haven’t washed your face in god knows how long. You've showered sure, but you haven't done your proper skincare in weeks.

Your depression has been a part of your life for as long as you can remember. It gets better, sometimes, other times it drains you of everything you have. Every day felt like a battle for you. You sigh looking at your phone it is almost 4 pm.

Your boyfriend, Johnnie, had texted you almost 2 hours ago. The rough nights you experienced led you to wake up late in the afternoon, so the plan usually involved Johnnie heading over whenever you woke up or after he was done filming.

He has wished you a good ‘morning’ and to let him know when he could head over. You wanted to indulge, truly you did, but Johnnie didn't deserve that. He had enough in his life to worry about. There was no need to worry him with your pathetic life.

The issue is you couldn't keep him on the hook like this. You sighed picking up your phone, you numbly typed out a plain excuse, telling him today wouldn't work. You put the phone down and roll over in your bed again.

You sat curled in a little ball staring out your window. There were crows sitting on top of the next-door building. You sat and quietly observed the birds, watching them move side to side. You wish life were that simple, all you had to worry about was eating and flying around.

You didn't have to worry about the eternally crushing depression that sucks your life form. Your face heated up again with the thought of Johnnies, tears pooling in your eyes.

You missed him so much. He was such a caring loving person, it wasn't always easy for him to show that. He had his ways though. Always make sure you eat, get decent sleep, etc.

Your relationship was usually the opposite way, you know just how much he struggled. You were going to be there for absolutely all of it no matter what. Nothing was going to stop you from loving him. He shouldn't have to worry about you.

But he did, it was the reason why when he saw your texting while editing he immediately called you. You were always such a beacon of positivity for him. He knew the signs, from himself and his friends. You had stopped eating unless he forced you to.

You were wearing long sleeves and sweatpants only. You never went out, just stayed in your room. He can't even remember the last time you said more than a few words to him in a single conversation. He placed the phone next to his ear and nervously tapped his foot on the floor of his room.

“Hello?” you answered with a croak. Johnnie never called you unless he really really missed your voice. Which for him was usually the case when it was nighttime. Those were extreme cases, he hated talking on the phone and absolutely despised it. Too many nerves for him.

He didn't speak for a second, half expecting you not to answer for some reason. “Hey,” he starts. You hold your breath for a second knowing what the conversation was about before he even started to speak.

“Can I please come over? I'm worried about you.”Johnnie says over the phone, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. You inhaled with a shaky breath. “You can. It won't be a lot of fun though,” you mumbled back to him fiddling with your piercing.

“Well- when can I come over?” he asked. This awkward tension filled the phone line, the systematic white noise causing your heart to beat heavily. “Whenever you want Johnnie I'm not leaving the house anytime ever,” you reply sarcastically earning an annoyed grunt from Johnnie.

“I can be over soon, I'll let you know when my Uber shows up and I'm on my way ok?” He knew your bad attitude was because of something, and no matter how much it was upsetting him he needed to be here for you.

You on the other hand could cry from guilt. How dare you be a pathetic sack all day, cancel on your boyfriend only for him to kindly offer to be there for you and you are rude to him? On top of that, he has to pay to drive to YOUR house! “No Johnnie don't call an Uber I will come pick you up.” you offered, standing up and searching for your keys.

“I thought you weren't leaving.” he rebutted. You took a deep breath, “but I love you, so I'm not gonna make you pay to cheer me up ok?” you spoke finally finding your keys. “I don't want to stress you out.” you heard over the phone.

You tried to fight his kindness but after a minute it was clear he wasn't going to let you drive. Today was a relaxing day for you, at least it was supposed to be.

You were a protector, it's what made Johnnie fall so in love with you. You were so kind and caring for him, constantly taking care of him when he had those days when he just couldn't take it anymore.

You never did it with the intention to receive it though. So when Johnnie knocked on your door and you trudged to open it for him it shocked you how much he did care.

You tried to make yourself look strong but as your eyes locked tears pooled crowding your vision. You turned away from the door and him as you covered your face with your hands.

You couldn't stop the pull of dread that filled your heart. You felt your knees touch the floor as you collapsed onto the ground. You could hear the door close and Johnnie rushed to your side. He was speaking about something, maybe he was saying how you were going to be ok.

Maybe he was begging you to tell him what was going on. You weren't sure. All you could focus on was ringing in your ears, the thumping of your heart, and the crocodile tears that leaped from your face.

His hands ran against your back and shoulders. Eventually, you were able to look up at him. He wasn't wearing any makeup, just a hat with a button-up and skinny jeans. All you could mutter out was a broken “I'm sorry.”

Your voice cracked and shattered as you spoke. Your boyfriend and the love of your life stared at you back, his face heating up his own tears forming. He sat with you behind your couch on the floor.

“Let's move to the couch,” he said his voice coming out falsely confident, you shook your head, yes taking his hand that helped you up. He wasn't used to helping people like this, he would try his best and maybe give advice.

But he tried to do what you did with him. He sat you down on the couch, taking note of your appearance. You had dulled messy hair, dark almost permanent circles under your eyes, you looked pale and gaunt your face seemingly shrunk.

He rushed away from you, getting you a cup of water, something you did for him without fail. He set it in your hands knowing the coolness would ground you. He moved to your side sitting down next to you. He hesitantly placed his hand on your chest feeling your heartbeat.

It was rapid and intense as he pulled you close to him, wrapping his other arm around you and tilting his head on your shoulder. As you slowly sipped the water between hiccups he felt your heartbeat slow and your breath wasn't so rapid. You were calming down.

Once you finished your cup you set it down and shifted so your head was resting on his almost bare chest. He moved his hat off and sat normally on the couch as you cuddled up to him. He wasn't sure what he should say that could help.

After all, he wasn't very good at this but he so desperately wanted to be. “I don't know when this really started for me. As long as I can remember I was different. Things that seemed so small for other people worried me so much,” you spoke, finally breaking the silence.

He knew some of your past and struggles but nothing too deep. He wanted to hear them from you. This was the best way to do that. He didn't say anything yet, he just looked down and observed you as you played against him.

“I felt this feeling when I was all alone and it was cold and rainy outside. It was almost like a shiver up my spine. I was feeling so safe and protected all alone like that, if I hadn't frozen I could have stayed in the rain forever.” he wasn't sure where exactly your story was going but he knew you and he also knew it was important.

“I was so comfortable with being alone, that stayed with me. There are days more often than not when I cannot do anything. I sit and rot in my bed all day, I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't do anything.” Johnnie did not know that. He knew since he was busy with filming you often just stayed home.

It doesn't sound like that was a good thing, however. “I am drowning but I've pretended to stay afloat for so long. I'm so fucking tired Johnnie I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.” Your voice was calm but powerful.

You didn't move but you could hear Johnnie's heartbeat increase. “I haven't taken care of myself in so long.” this was whispered, for a second you weren't sure if you had said it out loud. You suppose you did when Johnnie pulled you away from you, your confession hung on the air like wet clothes.

He took a second before he nearly engulfed you with a hug. He squeezed your whole body tight, “Please don't leave.” was all he whispered in your ear. He cradled your body tightly. He slowly started to rock you back and forth. The lull of his body slowly sent you to sleep.

[petersbaby]

I’m kinda fucked up rn, I’m posting this anyways because I know my Gareth girlies are out there and I love you guys

7 minutes to forever - Gareth Emerson x Reader

HE IS AGED UP TO 18

Warnings: Gareth is a virgin, boner talk, male masturbation, smut, first time sex, mutual pining, awkwardness, I don’t like talking about condoms they gross me out but I tried to use one for once

-

It was a small party of sorts at Steve’s house, and of course Eddie was going to be there because that’s his boyfriend.

Eddie tried to invite all the people from the club, so his friends can meet Steve and Steve’s friends, hoping everyone could kind of merge and coexist but you and Gareth were the only two to show up out of the group.

The rest were just a few of Steve and Eddie’s mutual friends, including Robin. Lately, Eddie’s been on your ass about a certain something and he sees it as some sort of sign that you and Gareth both came.

“It’s been way too long. Just go fucking tell him.” Eddie begs you.

“Tell him fucking what, exactly??”

“That you literally want to fuck him. Have you seen this dude? Zero chance he’ll reject you. He’s such a virgin he’d probably cream his pants just from you speaking to him.”

“Eddie, EW.”

“I’m just saying.”

“That’s just it, I don’t wanna like… fucking corrupt him.”

“He wants you to corrupt him.”

“What??”

“Yep.” He shrugs. “He wants you too, it’s so PAINFULLY obvious to everyone except you guys. We’re all tired of hearing about it.” He gestures to the rest of your shared friends.

“No, I- I don’t believe you. He doesn’t like me, that’s why I haven’t fucking said anything.” You whisper, now.

“Alright.” Eddie announces a little louder than he needs to be, and gets up. He grabs your wrist and starts pulling you.

“No, no, no. Eddie, stop, I’m so serious.”

And now you were standing in front of him.

“Gareth, here. Talk to her.”

You start to try and run the other way, away from this confrontational situation, but Eddie catches you.

“Jesus Christ, it’s like taking care of literal children. If you won’t say it, I will. Y/N, Gareth has a huge crush on you. Gareth, Y/N is practically obsessed with you, won’t shut up about how cute you are.”

You put your head in your hands.

“There, I said it, now be normal human beings.” He says, patting you both on the shoulder and walking away, leaving just the two of you standing near the kitchen while everyone else was in the living room, in another world.

“I’m sorry. About him, uh, yeah. I don’t know why he did that.” You say quietly, looking at the ground.

“Was that true?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s a relief. I don’t think either of us were gonna say something.”

“Yeah, probably not.” You laugh.

-

“Okay, so we’re locked in here.” You sigh.

“Yeah..” he agrees.

Eddie basically shoved you two into a hall closet, yelling about “seven minutes in heaven,” which was a stupid game thing you thought only middle schoolers did. You protested, but he was very insistent, and you gave up. He was just fucking with you two, being extra mischievous tonight for some reason.

“You know you don’t have to listen to him, right? You don’t need to do anything, you know, sexually. It’s perfectly fine to not want to.”

“I- well, I want to.”

“Why don’t you then?”

“Don’t know. Nervous, I guess. Just really nervous.”

“Would it help if I made the first move?”

He nods.

You lean in quickly after that to press your lips against his. Even though he knew it was coming, it still shocked him, enough to jump a little a draw back.

“No? It’s okay.” You try to reassure him despite all the mixed signals you were getting from this boy.

“Yes. Please. I’m sorry about that.”

“You do it then. I know you can.” You smile.

This time he leans in, despite his anxiety screaming in his brain. It’s sweet, so sweet, and his lips are soft and gentle. You reach up to rest your hand on the side of his face, lightly rubbing your thumb against his cheek while you kiss him.

His hands find your waist and rest there while you try to let him lead so you don’t overwhelm him. But soon, he suddenly pushes you against the wall. Not too rough but not as gentle as he had been, but you liked it either way, draping your arms over his shoulders.

This was something you’d always wanted, to kiss him, and you never thought it would happen in a million years. You thought he probably thought of you as just one of the guys, but apparently he didn’t. He adored you, but he’d never say that to you out loud.

You make out with him to the point you almost can’t breathe but couldn’t bare breaking the kiss to get air. You fingers tangled in his soft, curly hair, accidentally pulling it a little forgetting that to some people that just hurts. He didn’t say anything, though, and you just continued running your fingers through his locks at the back of his head.

“Seven minutes are up!!” Eddie calls, walking towards the closet to free you.

“Shit, um..” Gareth looks down, which was a mistake because it made you look down too.

“Oh.”

He got a boner just from kissing you, but now that your time is up, he doesn’t know what to do.

“Sorry.” You whispered.

“It’s not your fault.” He laughed a little.

“So, what’d you two get up to in here?” Eddie asks, after swinging the door open. Gareth moves quickly past him and into the bathroom as swiftly as he can.

“You can’t just put people in closets, Eddie.”

“I did, though, so yeah. I can. Please tell me you at least kissed.”

“That is SO none of your business.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Finally.” He exclaims the last word. You walk back with him to where everyone was gathered in the living room and once you sat down, you started daydreaming about what Gareth’s doing in there. You know what he’s doing, realistically, but you couldn’t stop imagining it.

In the bathroom, he stands in front of the sink with his dick in his hand, desperately fucking his fist just needing to get this out of his system. Instead of having to see his reflection in the mirror in front of him, he shut his eyes and thought of you.

God, all the things he wanted to do with you, to do to you. But just then, the way you kissed him deep, the way your fingers tangled in and pulled on his hair, the way he had you up against the wall. He finishes quickly thanks to these thoughts and mental images, release spurting out into the sink and the last bit of it dripping onto his hand.

He tries to catch his breath, washing his hands and cleaning up his mess, then looked at himself. He fixed his hair to look as normal as possible, cooled off, and went back to join everyone.

“Where the hell have you been?” Steve asks, only just noticing the boy’s absence.

“I had to use the bathroom, okay?” He answers defensively.

“Okay, jeez.” Steve said, raising his hands.

Gareth finds that his previous seat had been taken, and looks around nervously. You lock eyes with him and pat the place beside you on the couch. He smiles shyly and comes to sit.

As you all watched the movie, and no one was paying attention, you grabbed his hand and held it in yours, scooting closer. You leaned your head to rest on his shoulder, and he smiled secretly.

He made you feel all warm and happy on the inside, just like the perfect boy. That night really solidified your feelings for him, and you hope it did to him too. You thought about him a lot. Were you on his mind too?

-

Well, maybe tonight you could find out. DND was done and a couple of people were going back to Eddie’s for some beers or whatever alcohol his uncle had around. It was a Friday, after all.

When you got dropped off, it looked like everyone was already there. That meant he was too. He didn’t have a car, so he had to have ridden with somebody. Why did you have butterflies in your stomach at the thought of going into Eddie’s trailer? Since when is that a big deal?

You pushed it aside, the nervousness, and stepped in anyway.

“HEY, look who’s here. Thought you weren’t coming for a while there.” Eddie says.

“Sorry, I had to go home and change and everything, you know..”

“Alright, so… drinks. We’ve got two options. You ready?”

“So excited.” You say sarcastically.

“Beer or vodka.”

“Oh, god. Terrible. They’re both terrible. A beer, I guess.”

He laughs and gets you one. You head into the living room again where everyone is, taking a sip of the shitty and not very cold beer.

The couch is full so you take a seat on the floor, it looked like they were all passing a joint around. When it comes to you, you decline, giving it to the next person. The next person was Gareth, who also declined.

“You guys are total losers.” Eddie said, calling you out for not participating.

“I’m not a loser, I just don’t wanna be high.” Gareth says defensively.

“Yeah, me neither. Realistically, I don’t even want this beer. It’s gross, Eddie.”

“Well when none of us are 21 yet, you take what you can get.”

-

“I’m tired of sitting on the floor. Can me and Gare go hang out in your room?”

“Go have fun, you crazy kids. We’ll be in here, watching TV and talking VERY loudly.” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at you.

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes, walking back to Eddie’s bedroom while Gareth follows and shuts the door behind him.

“Listen, I’m not trying to push anything on you. I didn’t want time alone to do that stuff, I just wanted to spend time with you.” You say, sitting down on the bed.

“Yeah, okay. I wanna spend time with you too.” He laughs. So cute.

“Cuddle?”

He laughs, blushing a little. “Sure.”

You lay down together, becoming intertwined, resting your head on his chest. You stay that way for a while, you could’ve stayed that way forever.

“Hey,” he says after about 15 minutes, and you lift up, resting on your elbow.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Of course.”

His lips come to meet yours and they melt together, and suddenly so do your bodies. They press against each other, radiating heat and warmth. He wants more, he wants more so bad, but he doesn’t want to push it and he also just doesn’t know how to ask. His hand is on your waist again, hovering slightly.

“Could I- would it be okay if-“ he starts.

“Gareth?”

“Yeah?” He asks anxiously.

“You can do literally whatever you want to me.” You assure him.

“Jesus Christ.”

Immediately hard as a rock, immediately entranced. It was true, in your defense, you liked him *so* much,

“I mean it.” You whisper.

His hand starts to move, ending up on your ass, squeezing tightly. It also pulled you impossibly closer to him, bodies pressed together. You put your hand on his face again, holding it sweetly but firmly while you kiss.

Your tongues explored each other’s mouths again, more familiar this time, and his hand moves up to squeeze one of your tits while the other arm props him up on his side. He needed more than this, he needed to feel your skin.

He slipped his hand into your sweater from the bottom, moving up until he felt your bare breast which he wasn’t fully expecting. He thought you were wearing something, anything underneath but you weren’t.

His cool fingers run over your hard nipples, making you gasp a bit, and so he goes farther and pinches one of them which makes you squeak in surprise. He just continued to feel your torso, hands running all over your stomach and chest and hips and tits.

You reached for the bottom hem of the sweater and pulled it off over your head, letting him be able to see what he’s doing, and his eyes grew wide as saucers. His eyes wandered shamelessly, curiously, all over, nearly burning a hole in you.

“You… you like them?” You ask, giggling a little bit. He was so beyond fascinated and you could see that.

“Yes, holy shit, yes.” He responds almost under his breath.

“Gare?”

“Hm?”

You take some of his soft locks in your hand and guide him down, wanting him to try sucking on or licking your nipples. He does, latching on quickly, expertly.

You start to melt now, holding onto his hair while you moan quietly. He climbs on top of you and brings his mouth to the other nipple, giving it the same attention. He gets the idea to move up to your neck, and starts kissing there.

This is where you totally fall apart, your weakness. Your noises encourage him to kiss your neck with more passion and fervor and you can feel his erection pressed against your thigh.

You reach down to grab onto it, palm it, and he sucks a particularly harsh mark onto your neck in the sweet spot when you do. You’ll definitely have a bruise, but you don’t mind at all.

“Fuck,” he breathes into your shoulder, stopped for a moment.

“You okay?” You check in, pushing him up so you can look him in the eyes.

“Think I’m just… god, I’m nervous. That’s so embarrassing.”

“No, that’s okay.” You reassure. “What do you want?”

He burns red. He’s not gonna be able to say it out loud himself.

“Do you want to have sex? Be honest.”

“Yes.”

“Good, because I do too. But Gare, we can stop at any moment. Just tell me, okay?”

“Okay.” He breathes.

You reach down to untie the strings on the waistband of your sweatpants and pull them off your body, leaving you in pink panties in front of him.

You feel him staring again, at the sight of you anxiously squeezing your legs together and waiting for him to make the next move.

You were so turned on it was unbelievable, with him have not even touched you there yet. You were sure you were soaking. He fumbles with his button and zipper, looking behind him.

“Yes, the door’s locked.”

“Oh. Good.” He half-laughed, because that is indeed what he was checking for. He takes his pants off and climbs back on top of you, only in his t shirt and boxers now.

He slots himself between your legs after you happily spread them for him. You could feel his cock so much better now, rock solid and a really nice size. He ruts his hips up against you, only the barriers of your respective underwear blocking the way.

He buries his face between your shoulder and neck, kissing on it again, and his hard cock continually presses against your cunt. You accidentally moan, a moan too loud for the situation, but you just have to hope no one heard it because you couldn’t help it.

“Shh,” he soothes, covering your mouth with his.

“Sorry,” you whisper, into the kiss, smiling. You can feel him smiling too.

“Should- can- what should we…”

“It’s up to you, remember? Whatever you want, however you wanna do it.” You remind him, trying to give him some confidence.

“Right. Can I take these off, then?” He asks, slipping his finger into the waistband of your panties.

“Yes, please do.”

You didn’t want to come off as desperate and impatient, but you were growing to be. It wasn’t his fault, though, you had to remind yourself he’s never done this before. He does, pulling the fabric down your legs and leaving you bare. Quickly after that, he pulls his own underwear off.

“I’m really wet, so whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”

“Oh, shit, okay. Wait, don’t we need a condom?”

“Eddie should have some, if you want.”

You didn’t need one, being on birth control, but you wanted to do whatever made him more comfortable. He digs around in the nightstand and quickly finds some, taking one and putting it on.

“Okay.” He repeats, finally ready. You smile as if to tell him ‘go ahead’. You immediately learn that he isn’t familiar with easing into it, as he fills you up completely right away. This made you gasp, but luckily not too loud.

“Ohh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He groans.

“So good, you feel so good. Start moving, baby boy.”

That slipped out. That did slip out but he did not seem to mind the pet name at all, only listening to what you said and starting to thrust in and out.

You bite down on your bottom lip to keep quiet, only letting whimpers and soft moans out every now and then. You looked him in the eyes longingly, even though he was right there, and you felt yourself starting to love him in that moment.

He lets his dominant hand roam up to your throat, only to rest there. Thinking. You nod, reading his mind, answering his silent question and he squeezes gently. Soft but intoxicating. He continues to choke you with his big hand wrapped around your neck and leans down to kiss you again.

He finds a rhythm he likes, and starts to fuck you with more confidence. He wasn’t the biggest you’d ever had, but he still stretched you out and reached pretty deep inside.

Amazingly full of him, you still keep your noises quiet as much as you can. You couldn’t believe it, Gareth, you and Gareth were having sex. If the you from a month ago heard that, she would say “no fucking way.” But here you were. He wasn’t being super vocal, so you only hoped he felt good too. Damn, it would be nice to hear him though.

“Still okay?” You ask.

“The best.” He replies, and you smile.

He moves his hand from your throat back to fondling your breast, other one holding up his body weight over you.

He ends up getting quite aggressive while chasing his high, slamming into you quickly and filling the room with the sounds of sex. You think back to what Eddie said about watching TV and talking loudly and you stop worrying about that.

You were close, walls fluttering around him, but you knew you most likely wouldn’t get to finish. You’d just do it yourself later when you got home. The memory of this will be more than enough to masturbate to for a really long time, you think.

Coincidentally, he starts getting sloppy, thrusting haphazardly and clearly searching for something. Determined, he soon found it, cock twitching inside of you as he filled the condom and let out a long string of curse words and groans when he came.

He once again leant forward, resting his head on your shoulder for a moment. Neither of you wanted to move, and the pressure of him on top of you was so comforting, but eventually he had to.

-

Once all was done, you lay together, just as you had started out.

“Do you… like, actually like me?” He asks, head turning to you.

“No shit, Gareth. Yes, I like you.” You say sarcastically. You hope it didn’t come out mean. Thankfully it didn’t, because he laughed.

“So, you can totally tell me to fuck off if this is stupid, but… do you want to be together? You and me? Or is that stupid-“

You shut him up with a kiss, because he would’ve rambled on forever and you already had the answer.

“Yes. I’d like that.” You smile.

“Oh, okay. Cool, cool.” He laughs, feeling a huge weight off his shoulders. You melt into his arms, but you get interrupted when he suddenly realizes something.

“Oh, shit. I’m terrible.” He says, out of nowhere.

“You are not. Why?”

“You were supposed to… finish….too. You didn’t- I did something wrong.” He says, covering his face with his hands.

“I don’t care about that. It’s okay, I promise. If it bothers you that much, you can next time. I’ll help you.”

“Next time…” he repeats idly.

“Yeah? I just kinda assumed there’d be a next time..”

“Yes. No, you’re right, there will be. I just liked the sound of that.”

[yenonnoff]

h. iwaizumi — my time is important | part 3 (finale)

pairing: iwaizumi x gn!reader

content: mini smau series, university au, swearing, crack, fluff, friends to lovers

synopsis: you've always been a devoted volunteer; the university's bulletin board where all volunteer opportunities are posted, might as well become your second home. however, competition is high. iwaizumi hajime seems to appear out of nowhere and mercilessly fights over the last spot with you every time! why is a busy volleyball player like him spending so much time stealing your spot anyway?

a/n: dates are inaccurate but times are mostly consistent (word count: 6.8k pls forgive me)

...my time is important | part 1, part 2, part 3 (finale)

endless chatter. countless voices spilled onto the walls and tables of the cafeteria. 

osamu occupied the seat next to you, his twin brother sitting on the other side. atsumu yawned, his outstretched arms almost knocked over your food. 

“hey,” you frowned. 

atsumu had annoyed you yesterday with one of his antics and you haven’t fully forgiven him for it. you couldn’t believe what you were reading when you saw his post about you and hajime. it’s safe to say you haven’t forgotten the incident and he hasn’t forgotten his lecture. 

atsumu retracted his arms hastily, a playful “oops” escaping his lips. after another lazy yawn he asked, “do you think he saw the post?” 

“no, hajime isn’t active on twitter,” you replied. “he only goes to check his messages sometimes.” 

your response garnered a whistle from atsumu. “a true hajime expert,” he smiled. 

sometimes you wished you could just throw him into an arena of lions and watch as he struggled. many times you thought this, however this time you were just being unfair. you were upset about how ironic the situation was. you know hajime so well and yet you haven’t properly talked to him in weeks. 

sure there were fleeting moments: waves in the hallways, brief exchanges of smiles, but never full on conversations. none in person, none in text (at least none that didn’t involve the topic of upcoming volunteer events). rarely you’d stop him and engage in idle chit chat, but like always he was whisked away shortly after.

the universe was playing tricks on you. the desire to talk to him—ask about his day randomly, how his volleyball practice was, or simply talk to him without needing a reason—grew and grew. it would be unusual if you discussed these things with him. after all, you were just friends. 

but you wanted to know. you wanted to ask him how he got into volleyball, ask about his high school experiences. you wanted to ask about him. was that so wrong? if you can’t do that as friends then you don’t want it. 

you watched blankly as your food slid towards the right, osamu’s lunchbox coming into view. 

“you’ve been distracted a lot lately, y’know that?” he said. 

you smiled sheepishly. “yeah, i know.” 

“here.” osamu opened his lunchbox and revealed pieces of homemade dumplings. you weren’t surprised at the display. he always made his meals from scratch and was working towards developing his own recipes. he even folded the dumplings in various fun styles. his skills truly know no bounds. 

you were one of his many taste testers, and as always, there was nothing to complain about his cooking. while there’s always room for improvement, you were cont—

“this needs more salt,” atsumu said mid way through chewing. 

you and osamu both looked at him. leave it to atsumu to ruin the mood. 

“talk or chew, don’t do both,” you scolded. 

“who said you could eat one anyway?” osamu asked, sliding his lunchbox back towards him. 

atsumu swallowed the food. he pouted when his brother swatted his grabby hands away from the dumplings. he continued to frown, “oh c’mon. you know i have superior taste buds.” 

“what does that even mean?” his twin sent him a look. 

as they bantered, you finished packing up the remainder of your food, stuffing the container into your backpack. the two stared at you when you stood up, confusion evident in their eyes.

“you’re leaving already?” 

you shrugged. “might as well get to bio early.” 

you waved them goodbye and walked away from the table. the twins were going to leave soon anyway. usually you’d join them on their walk around campus or hang out with them and suna in the music room, but not today. 

osamu’s words came rushing back to you: “you’ve been distracted a lot lately…” 

you couldn’t deny it. this was starting to get out of hand. 

in the corner of your eye you saw him. hajime iwaizumi, who you’d met coincidentally in front of your university’s bulletin board. he sat at a table a little further down from yours, his body facing your direction. he was grinning cheerfully—a rare occurrence but a striking one. you swear his gaiety could light up the whole room. 

you saw the corners of his eyes crinkle. he was paying close attention to whatever seth was saying or doing—honestly you weren’t too sure. everyone else was blurred out, your focus was set only on hajime. 

he laughed again. 

your heart thumped chaotically and you found yourself wondering what was so funny. for a moment you’d wished you had made him laugh like that. even tooru who sat next to seth was pouting, upset that seth had said a good joke and not him. 

then hajime shifted and glanced your way. first came his softened gaze, then a wave in your direction. 

vermillion kissed your cheeks. you waved back hurriedly and beelined for the exit. hajime had caught you staring. 

for the entirety of biology you couldn’t concentrate. your heart was still hammering against your chest and hajime stubbornly occupied all your thoughts. 

the next day was solely dedicated to preparing for the festival. it’s an annual event that requires the full participation of every department; it’s an annual event that many students dread. 

there are mixed feelings when it comes to the festival: the first half—setting up booths and decorations; navigating through the tight storage room; and working hectically in the heat—is a pain in the ass. this part requires the most heavy lifting and students despise the amount of work needed to be done. however, the later half—the festival fully decorated and finished with large crowds of people roaming the campus—is a wonderful sight. since admission is free to all students, they tend to have a field day after all their work. 

as for you, you enjoyed every single part of the festival (both the beginning and the finished product). being able to provide assistance to other people brings you joy. the festival is just like volunteering except with the bonus of being surrounded by friends and classmates. what more could you ask for? 

others were less optimistic however. all departments at Tokyo University were responsible for setting up food stands or activities. the profit made by each department goes to their respective budget; you’ve witnessed just how intense the competition gets between the different stands. the thought sends a chill down your spine. 

certain departments like art, fashion design, and theatre are able to host exhibits and shows. essentially they’re exempt from having to run around in the boiling heat. but the most exciting part of the festival has to be the music concerts. last year, there were symphony orchestra and jazz band performances; this year, it’s opened up to students. your dear friend suna and his band are going to perform, and you can barely contain your excitement. 

today is only preparation. the real panicking starts tomorrow, the opening day that lasts from 1 to 6pm. 

you could already hear the groans of agony from students as you left your dorm. you couldn’t blame them, honestly you were sure you’ll be complaining later on as well. after all… your department along with a couple others were selected for the afternoon shift. unbelievable. extremely unfortunate. 

shifts only last three hours at most and departments take turns setting up the festival. you couldn’t imagine spending the entire day trying to dig up dusty banners in the crammed storage room. still, three hours is a long time. your department just had to be picked for the shift when the sun’s at its highest. even osamu and seth weren’t this unlucky: their time slot was from 9am to 12pm. they bragged about it when they finished, sending you a selfie of them eating somewhere. 

you arrived to see clusters of students spread all around campus. you rushed to sign in and meet with a Board of Activities member. the morning shift had already set up booths and stands, assembling games and activities. they had done all the basic ground work. the afternoon shift was responsible for organizing the storage room and preparing boxes of decorations and lights for the evening shift. then all they would have to do is unpack everything, set up banners and posters, and test the lights hung around the festival. 

The BoA member gave you your first task: join the others in sweeping and cleaning the storage room. it didn’t take very long. everyone basically half-assed it, the room was going to become disordered and neglected again after the festival anyway. the next task was checking what decorations were available in the storage room. you were given a list of items and were instructed to find the boxes containing them. even with a group of people it took an extensive time to search the massive room. however your shift was quickly coming to a close; there was only one more task but you and the others were already drenched in sweat. hot air was constantly rushing into the storage room and it didn’t help that people were coming in more than they were leaving. 

you gave yourself a pat on the back when you finally finished. the urge to take a nap and an hour-long break was strong, but there was only one more task before everyone could go home. at least the board was generous with their snacks and drinks. 

when the last task came you weren’t sure if you should feel happy or exhausted. all the boxes that were checked on the list needed to be lugged to the front of the campus where it would be unpacked and assembled. it was the last task and the most laborious one at that. at least you could finally get some fresh air. you would be escaping from the suffocating and humid storage room, but your arms and legs would make you pay later. 

students shuffled out of the room with boxes in their hands; many needed a partner, the trip was going to be a long and tiring one. you felt your arms grow weak just by watching your fellow schoolmates. it wasn’t like you could sit by and do nothing; BoA members were present in the room and they take preparations seriously. 

you wouldn’t have minded doing the evening shift. putting up some posters and hanging silly banners didn’t sound so bad! 

you could only sigh and lament on your terrible luck. you went to inspect the lightest box. someone else can get the heavier ones, it wasn’t like you had a partner to help you carry it anyway. 

then voices and laughter distracted you. 

it came from outside the storage room but was approaching closer and closer. suddenly you saw atsumu and other familiar faces step into the room. with his signature smug expression, atsumu waved at the BoA members. even from the back you could hear his obnoxious voice. 

“yo! we’re finished with everything so we came to help.” 

you shook your head in disbelief. usually he would run away from any unnecessary and taxing tasks, but look at him acting all righteous. you wondered who actually brought up the idea of helping the other group in the storage room. you would have to thank them since—

oh. 

oh. he was here. 

you weren’t sure why you hid, your body automatically reacted when you saw hajime enter the room. was that why atsumu was here? you were sure he had some ulterior motive. 

more people were entering the space. they barely looked out of breath or covered in sweat. you turned to check the area that you were in: all the way in the back where the boxes were. there were only two or three people with you there. you needed to leave, exit the room before hajime could see you. 

your thumping heart was betraying you. you knew how you felt. you were happy to see that hajime had the same shift as you; truth be told, you were hoping that he did the entire time. but not now. you couldn’t talk to him here, this wasn’t the right time or place. you needed to leave. 

grabbing the lightweight box from earlier, you made sure to avoid hajime who was walking on the other side of the industrial shelves. you nearly escaped when you forgot about your annoying blond haired friend. he was still talking to the BoA member by the door, clearly trying to avoid helping out. when he turned and saw you, you regretted not staying put. everything was becoming a mess. 

“y/n!” he’d sounded shocked but you weren’t convinced. he beamed, “if it isn’t my favorite person in the whole world.” 

“liar. you said seth was your favorite last week.” 

he winked. “this is a secret, don’t tell him.” 

you rolled your eyes. compared to yours, his hair barely looked tousled. he wasn’t sweating profusely either (which actually might be a good thing). you attempted to sidestep him but he cut you off when you were about to say “goodbye.” 

you stared at him. “what are you doing?” 

“nothing!” 

perhaps you should’ve pushed him out of the way. you should’ve distracted him and left, tell him that a pretty girl was coming and get him to turn away. but you didn’t. you fell right into atsumu’s traps. 

footsteps approached you from behind and a familiar voice made you freeze in place. “y/n?” he called you. hajime was right behind you. 

you couldn’t pay attention to what atsumu was saying. your eyes widened and your legs felt weak. 

then, out of nowhere, atsumu snatched your box and flashed you a cheeky smile. you wanted to chase after him as he left the storage room, but hajime was watching from behind. that sneaky fox used him as a buffer! you weren’t going to forget this.

you peered over your shoulders and there he was. you felt a sense of deja vu standing so close to him in such a familiar place. the two of you were together during last year’s festival preparations as well. this’ll mark the second year. 

“hi, hajime.” you hoped he didn’t notice the falter in your voice. 

“hi, how have you been?” he asked and your shoulders lost their tension. why were you so nervous in the first place? there was nothing to worry about when you were with hajime. 

“i’m fine.” you have no idea what’s happened since the last time we talked. “are you here to help us?” 

he nodded. “i came to ask where the boxes were and saw you. i didn’t know you’d be here.” 

he didn’t, but someone else did. someone who wasn’t going to get away with trapping you like this. 

you weren’t ready to talk to hajime. you didn’t even know what to talk about. however you had to admit, this was the moment you’ve been hoping for. maybe it wasn’t too late to start remembering everything you’d wanted to tell him the past two weeks. 

you tilt your head towards the back. “it’s this way, i’ll show you.” 

“where were you guys before this?” that was the first question you wanted to ask him. 

hajime chuckled, “a lot of places.” 

the two of you were crouched in front of the boxes, both procrastinating on doing the task. the world seemed to slow down, the shuffling of feet in and out felt like a distant noise in the background. you both gazed at one another: hajime—who barely seemed fazed by the hot and humid room—and you—who felt time stopping, your stomach doing backflips at the way he looked at you. 

“we were inside most of the time,” he elaborated. “we helped move some of suna’s band stuff into the assembly room, hung out for a bit, and then got caught by a BoA member.”

you stifled a laugh and said, “of course that happened.”

“then we were ushered to the black box and instructed to organize the backstage.” 

your hand shot up at this. hajime raised a brow and watched you intently. “so while you were going from room to room with proper air conditioning, we were burning alive in this storage room?” 

you stared at him with narrowed eyes and an envious frown. it wasn’t hajime’s fault but still; you wanted to visit the band room and black box too, perhaps even relax under the aircon before getting caught.

the corners of hajime’s lips curled upwards. it was subtle but you were close enough to see it. the motion sent an chilling shock through your body. your cheeks burned—either from the stuffy atmosphere or from your dark haired friend. 

“it’s not as amazing when you realize how picky the theatre director was. she was basically supervising our every move.” 

“oh,” you felt a wave of sympathy. “that sounds terrible.” 

“can’t blame her. those props looked expensive.” 

this triggered an old memory of yours, when you and the twins snuck backstage and atsumu carelessly grabbed an intricate looking sword. he swung it around like a small child who had just won a trophy. little did the three of you know, the sword was actually excalibur and was needed for a musical. nothing was damaged or broken, but you all learned a valuable lesson that day. 

thinking back to that time, you realized how impulsive you were as a first-year. you laughed quietly to yourself, not realizing that hajime was still in front of you. he watched the smile creep onto your face and his features softened. 

“that reminds me,” he said suddenly, “our group got to see glimpses of the rehearsal. the skits are cool, you should check them out tomorrow.”  

“now you’re just showing off.” 

“we also checked out the art departm—“

you nudged hajime with your shoulder. a mistake. you were both still in a crouching position and collapsed onto the floor. a thud reverberated through the room and the two of you erupted into laughter. somewhere along in the conversation you had forgotten about the blazing heat and beads of sweat that tickled down your back. 

hajime helped you up to your feet, a slight grin still present on his face. you couldn’t believe you thought he was scary when you first met. standing at that bulletin board in the middle of the hallway, you thought he was intimidating—unapproachable with that surly scowl on his face. but there was more to him than you could ever imagine. you wanted to know him more; that grin of his carved a soft spot in your heart. 

when you looked around, the storage room was deserted. there was only the two of you and two remaining boxes that laid on the floor. they’ve been waiting to be picked up. how long was your conversation anyway? 

you chuckled hesitantly. “uh oh. looks like we should bring these out quickly.”

the walk to the front of the campus was unbelievably short. hajime listened as you rambled about trivial things: the show you watched before falling asleep last night; how ridiculous your professors were; and the meal that osamu made you last week. 

the two of you arrived, passing a couple students on the way that were fanning themselves with their hands. 

when hajime responded, you knew the conversation had ended. “i’d like to try that,” was all he said. 

you laid the boxes on the ground, careful not to brush your fingers against the hot concrete. you heard a sigh from your left and turned. you shielded your eyes from the sun with your hand. hajime was staring at his phone, thin lines forming in between his furrowed brows. 

“what’s wrong?” 

he glanced your way, his hard expression easing. “it’s just oikawa.” a pause. “if you see him around, please cover for me or just ignore him.” 

you tilted your head in confusion. you were about to comply when a blaring whistle caught the both of you off guard. silence, and then another one. 

hajime smiled, “or not.” 

once again you heard the groans of students as they scattered across campus. they weren’t groans of agony this time, they were sounds of relief. the whistle signaled the end of the afternoon shift; all tasks were checked and completed. 

wait—you thought—not yet. not now. 

things were starting to become normal again. there was so much more you wanted to talk to hajime about; you feared you wouldn’t have another chance after this. 

you wanted to stay with him just a little longer but your body was betraying you. your legs ache and a throbbing pain was coursing through your brain. you needed a shower and a nap desperately. even if you could stay, you weren’t selfish enough to keep hajime here. while he didn’t show it, you knew he was exhausted. 

crowds of students dispersed: some went back to their dorms, some went to eat, and some stayed. those with the evening shift were coming—there was no reason to stay anymore. 

“y/n.” hajime called to get your attention. “are you going back to your dorm?” 

you nodded. 

“do you want me to walk you there?” 

you swallowed hard. you never noticed how much affection he poured into his words when he was talking to you. it’s hard to notice but it’s there. your eyes traveled to his shirt where he neatly rolled up his sleeves, revealing his biceps. he was bothered by the heat after all. 

you smiled at him. “i’ll be fine. thanks for the offer.” 

then with a nod he left. “see you later, y/n.”

a part of you was elated thinking about the next time you’d be able to talk to him. the other part wondered if it’ll actually happen. he’d said the same thing last time and what happened? you were stuck running around in a loop, all your efforts and attempts completely shut down. 

you watched hajime leave, the distance between the two of you growing more gradually. the sight left a bitter taste in your mouth. you didn’t want this. you had already come to your conclusion about your feelings towards hajime; you were just too cowardly to act on them.

he makes you feel a certain way: a desire to be close to him, hear him talk, and see him smile and laugh. you’ve never felt this way towards anyone before and that’s why you didn’t tell him. you endured weeks of pretending that everything was normal—that you were both okay with being just friends. 

you were a coward, afraid that the feelings blooming in your chest would tarnish the friendship you had with him. if things didn’t work out and you had to go separate ways, you didn’t think you could handle that. not talking for weeks was bad enough; not knowing him at all felt hellish. 

so you sealed away your feelings, or at least attempted to. hajime made it difficult for you to do so. everything suddenly reminded you of him and without knowing it, your feelings grew heavy in your heart until you felt it would burst. 

you should’ve put an end to this a long time ago but you still had a chance. tomorrow was the festival and the perfect opportunity to confess. you’d swallow your cowardice and tell hajime your feelings. you’d face him and he’d give you his undivided attention as always. 

if it’s with hajime, then you want to try. 

on the day of the festival you arrived two hours before it opened. 

you saw students scrambling from one place to another; it wasn’t as crowded as yesterday since coming today wasn’t mandatory. students in departments that were operating food stands or activities needed to come to organize their stations. it was ultimately their responsibility and no one else’s. 

though not everyone needed to come. it only applies to those unfortunate enough to get selected or those with enough compassion to volunteer. 

you came early for no particular reason. scratch that—you came hoping you’d see hajime again. you heard from tooru that he’d be here, but what did you expect when the universe’s hobby was to watch you get your hopes up? you haven’t seen him all day and it’s been weighing on your mind. 

you worked under a canopy tent with the sides and back covered. kneeling over a plastic bag, you didn’t notice two sets of footsteps approaching. 

“y/n!” 

your head whipped to the side, your excitement giving you away. 

“woah,” atsumu teased. “were you expecting someone else? what’s with the mopey expression?” 

in a single moment your eagerness was wiped away and replaced with boredom. you saw atsumu pout; the pure disinterest written all over your face was enough to kill. 

you went back to putting pancake mixtures on the foldable tables. “what are you guys doing here anyway?” you wouldn’t be surprised if they were picked to come help—it’s not unlikely that they were both cursed luckless at birth. 

“nothing really. we came because everyone else was here,” osamu said. 

“so you’re just hanging out?” 

atsumu hummed. “what about you?” he was looking at the pancake mixtures on the table, his lips curled up into a smirk. 

“helping out,” you said plainly.

“wha—unlucky.” 

his sing-song voice received a glare from you. “i’m doing a favor for the art department.” 

“and you’re gonna do their job at the festival too?” 

you shook your head. when you arrived, some art students came up to you pleading for help. they were short-handed and too busy with the exhibit to set up their food stands. you couldn’t blame their desperation, this was going towards their department budget after all. “they’re coming back and taking over later.” 

osamu stepped into the tent, his hands in his shorts’ pockets. curiosity coated his words. “they’re doing something different this year.” 

“yeah, they’re making pancakes but you can ask them to draw stuff.” 

atsumu came in after his brother, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “woah! like those videos online.” 

“you think they’d be down to draw ‘tsumu’s ugly mug?” osamu pondered. 

“the hell?! what did i do to you?” 

you slide a cardboard box over as the two bantered. you didn’t doubt that they would: money was money and some of them were crushing madly on atsumu. they’d make him look ten times more attractive than he is and it’d unfortunately boost his ego. you shivered at the thought. 

atsumu refocused back towards you, having enough of his argument with his brother. “sooo, where’s your lover?” 

you stop momentarily. casting your gaze on the ground, silence overtook the tent. 

“i don’t know.” 

the twins shared a secretive glance at one another. they weren’t sure which was more surprising: you not correcting atsumu or the way you looked so distraught. 

then atsumu’s eyes widened and he yelled, “y/n, do you li—” 

osamu was quick to nudge atsumu roughly, getting him to shriek and shut up. silence sliced the air again. 

“we forgot to mention that we’re looking for him,” osamu said suddenly. he turned to his brother as if trying to communicate a message. atsumu didn’t follow, only raising a puzzled brow and continuing to massage the sore part where he was elbowed. 

“who’s we?” 

osamu grumbled under his breath. the exchange almost made you crack into a smile. 

“seth’s looking for iwaizumi and asked us to help.” 

you and atsumu were now staring at osamu. confusion danced in the air. 

“oh, okay.” you replied, still unsure where this was going. “oh, that thing!” atsumu bursted into laughter. nervous laughter. you eyed him weirdly as if he were a random stranger that’d just approached you. “i remember now. we seriously couldn’t find him anywhere. am i right?” 

“yeah.” 

you smiled. osamu didn’t hide his disgust towards his brother. 

“y/n, please help find him for us.” atsumu clasped his hands together and peered at you with hopeful eyes. good thing he’s aiming to play volleyball professionally; the acting industry does not need him. 

“if you guys can’t find him, what makes you think i can?” 

osamu shrugged. “he could be inside. we haven’t checked there yet.” 

“but the stand…” 

atsumu slapped a hand against his chest. “we can take over,” he cheered eagerly. 

with those four words alone you darted to your feet and wiped down your clothes. even if it’s awfully clear that they were lying through their teeth, you weren’t going to say no. this was an excuse to find hajime. 

“perfect. just organize the food dye and squeeze bottles. then make sure to check that the pancake makers work properly.” then you were out of there, barely stopping to hear the twins groan with regret. 

when you left, atsumu froze in shock at his newfound responsibilities. he didn’t sign up for this. 

hajime wasn’t in the art or fashion exhibits. among the paintings and sculptures, mood boards and fashion sketches, you didn’t see anyone that resembled a spiky haired volleyball player. you continued to the theatre department where you didn’t see him either. he wasn’t in the music room; he wasn’t in the cafeteria. at some point you wondered if he had a secret hiding spot on campus somewhere, or if he had the ability to turn invisible. 

regardless, you gave up and went back outside. to your surprise, you found seth standing alone by a tent. 

“hi, seth. sorry, looks like i can’t find hajime after all.” 

he turned around to face you. despite his clear confusion, he still smiled—typical. “what do you mean?” 

“nothing,” you laughed tiredly. “this afternoon’s just been very anticlimactic.” 

seth crossed his arms in front of his chest. “if you’re looking for hajime, he and tooru went to buy supplies.” 

ah. your mouth hung open in realization. that’s why you couldn’t find him anywhere, he wasn’t even on campus. you wished you knew that before walking all over the place. 

“is that why tooru wasn’t answering his messages?” you asked.

“oh, that was because some girl asked for his number earlier and the dummy gave it. he’s probably ignoring his phone on purpose.” 

you sighed. your friends were hopeless. “that’s good then. at least i know hajime isn’t hiding in a secret spot somewhere.” 

“secret spot? oh, no—you’ve got the wrong person. that’d be tooru. he knows a bunch of amazing spots on campus.” 

“and he didn’t tell me?” you huffed in disbelief. the two of you shared a laugh before silence washed over the conversation. 

“i’ve come to my conclusion, seth. i want to try it, confess how i feel and pray things work out.” 

seth didn’t respond at first, only staring up at the sky. today wasn’t as tortuously hot as yesterday; it’s supposed to get cooler later towards the evening. “don’t worry. i know it’ll work out, it’s you and hajime after all.”

“and if things change?” 

he smiled. “things are meant to change. even if they’re bad things, just know you tried, y/n.” then you saw mischief swirl in his brown eyes. “so, when did you figure out you like him?” 

you blinked at his gleefulness. seth has always been interested in these kinds of topics. you tap a finger against your chin, thinking about an answer to give. truth be told, you're not sure. was there a clear point where you realized it? you thought about hajime’s subtle but warm actions, his honest but comforting words. they’ve always made you feel some sort of way; perhaps your feelings towards him were developing slowly but surely this whole time. 

but to answer seth’s question, you could only say, “i’m not sure. my heart’s become weak lately. whenever i see him, it doesn’t know how to act.” 

seth’s smile widened when he saw your genuine expression. “yeah, that happens sometimes.” 

a sudden notification on his phone disrupted the conversation. one moment he’s all cheery, and the next he’s rushing to type a message. he caught your confused stare and said, “it’s 1pm. rin’s texting me to come to the music room. sorry y/n.” 

“music room? suna? for what?” 

“oh,” he slipped his phone back into his back pocket. “that’s right, i haven’t told you yet. i’m performing with rin’s band as a guest singer.”

your eyes widened and an excited grin spread across your face. “an aspiring fashion designer who’s popular with everyone, is now performing with suna’s band—what can’t you do?” 

“i can’t wait to see you and hajime at the show,” he winked.

you opened your mouth to reply but it never came. you only nodded and waved as he rushed away. 

there were still things you wanted to talk about with seth—“what if” questions that still plagued your mind. 

but you needed to hurry, the festival was already starting. you could only focus on the thought of getting to see and talk to hajime again. 

you hoped at the very least that he’d still smile softly at you. 

returning back to the festival was a chaotic nightmare. the campus was drowned in twinkling lights and hoards of people. some were students you recognized, others were random family members and high school students. this is the liveliest you’ve ever seen the festival get. people busied themselves in front of food stands and information booths; they blocked walkways and occupied the limited number of benches around campus. 

lively but troublesome. your chances of finding hajime just plummeted to the ground.

you took out your phone and read the time: 3:30pm. before this, you stopped by your dorm to shower and get changed. your notification center was filled with old messages from an hour ago. a majority were from your group chat with the twins. 

they had bombarded you with messages and pictures: one was of them with food stuffed in their mouths. you type back an apology and ask them if they’ve seen hajime. atsumu instantly replied: havent seen him

you start making your way down the endless aisle of food stalls. you steered away from large crowds, texting everyone you knew if they’ve seen hajime. 

you were desperate. you wanted anything at this point, even a single clue about where he might be. 

you stopped to scan your surroundings, a notification catching your eye. it was from osamu and sent to the group chat: i see him hes with oikawa

without skipping a beat you headed towards osamu’s location. you didn’t have a plan, you were going into this head first. you’d have to worry about what to say later, you just wanted to see him right now. 

when you stopped again, you saw him standing alone. he was off to the side and away from the crowd. 

“hajime,” you said, stepping closer. “you’re a hard person to find.” 

he watched as you caught your breath. “were you looking for me?” 

yes, you wanted to say. you were looking for him all day. 

but you only nodded in response. there was no running away anymore, no more waiting around for something to happen. 

“hajime, there’s something i need to tell you.” he nodded and crossed his arms, his unique way of telling you he’s listening. you shook your head. “not here. can we go somewhere else?” 

you have no idea where “somewhere else” might be. you saw people every turn that you took. hajime must’ve seen your despaired expression because he pointed you in a different direction: the back of the festival. 

it was a grassy field that stretched for miles on end. you’d forgotten about this area, too exhausted and confused to think properly. you saw small groups of people set down picnic blankets and relax in the sun. they were sitting farther down the field and away from the festival. this was the perfect spot to talk to hajime one on one. 

when he sat down on the grass, he patted the empty space next to him. you followed him, your heart suddenly heavy in your throat. what are you going to do now? 

“is it okay here?” 

you hummed in response. no more running away, you reminded yourself. no more waiting either. 

“hajime, i’m sorry.” you saw him tilt his head towards you, his gaze intense. “i’m sorry for making you wait so long, sorry for not noticing everything sooner.” 

something shifted in his expression then. the small smile that he’d always reserved for you and you only, faltered. 

you rushed to clarify but he beat you to it. “so you know.” 

yes, you knew. you always wondered what would happen if atsumu hadn’t accidentally told you that day. if he didn't have such a big mouth and if you continued to remain clueless about hajime’s feelings. would he confess? would your relationship never change? 

but you were glad to know. you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that day. 

you confirmed, “i know. i should’ve noticed it sooner; were you going to keep it a secret forever?” 

“for as long as i could, yes. but it seems you already found out.” 

you shook your head. “i didn’t find out, i was told on accident. i’m sorry. you’ve done so much for me and yet i didn’t even notice how you felt.” 

“i did those things because you deserve it, y/n. you deserve that and more. i was fine with just being your friend.” 

but what about now? how do you feel about me?

you swallowed the questions in your throat. “thank you for volunteering with me, for everything you’ve done. but—“

the words stopped. you could only look at him. 

“but how do you feel now?” 

the question barely left as a whisper, you wondered if he could even hear you from where he sat. even now there was distance between the two of you. you were sitting far away from one another. 

it was a suffocating question—the answer would be much worse. 

it took him a moment to reply. you both sat still but the world around you continued to move. the trees and grass danced in the wind, but your focus was on hajime only. 

then he spoke gently. “y/n, do you feel uncomfortable by this? i was scared this would happen so i gave you space.” 

space. that explained the distance between you two. everything was for you; he was always thinking about how you felt. god, you felt horrible. 

the grass tickled your palm but you could only think about how to end this mess. you wanted to tell him everything: the butterflies he’s given you; the energetic beating of your heart whenever he’s around; and the way you can’t imagine being strangers with him. 

distance. you hated it. you wanted to close the gap, reveal everything and hope that he’d accept you still. 

you shake your head, hopefully for the last time. “no. i’ve never been uncomfortable by this. i was confused but not anymore.” 

you inhaled deeply. “i like you more than you think, hajime. you’re so incredibly kind and patient. i want to try and make this work. if it's with you then there’s nothing to worry about.” 

you weren’t sure if that’s what you’re supposed to say, but you hoped he got your message. you poured your feelings out to him. all that’s left to do is wait. 

hajime had broken eye contact a long time ago, his focus was elsewhere. your stomach churned at all the poor ways this could end. then, hajime covered his face with his arm. you saw it: the bright smile he tried to conceal and the redness of his cheeks. 

“you stole my line, y/n. i was supposed to say that.”

you thought your heart would burst. the sight of him smiling so pleasantly had you frozen in place. your heart really has grown weak. 

you grinned at him, a similar reddish hue appearing on your cheeks. the feeling was mutual. everything was okay. 

hajime stood from his spot and walked towards you. he lowered his hand and helped you up, just like that time in the storage room. then he interlocked your fingers together, his hand warm and inviting. 

when you gave his hand a gentle squeeze, his unoccupied arm went up to cover his face again. you both knew this would take time to get used to.  

you heard him mutter a small “thank you,” his face still hidden by his arm. 

this was worth it. he was worth all the running around and confusion. 

“you can tell me ‘thank you’ when we get to suna and seth’s concert. everyone’s waiting.” 

hajime’s gaze fell on your smiling face and he nodded. you wondered how you didn’t notice his feelings before. they were so obvious, a single look into his eyes and you would know. 

you also wondered how the others will react when they see this: you hand-in-hand with a flustered hajime. the sight would be priceless and the concert was the perfect way to end everything.

a/n: i am so sorry for the written portion. i was too ambitious. i am also very tired so i hope u liked this! @kqbukimono this one is for u <3