#Im still here and still blabbing

[maingh0st]

the main reason I like Taryn/the Ghost (despite the fact we get microscopic crumbs in the text) is that it’s thematically compelling for them as characters.

the best romances aren't just about ~vibes~ and ~spice~ but about two unique, fully realized characters becoming part of one another's lives. each character carries their lifetime's worth of formative experiences, beliefs about the world, goals, strengths, habits, wounds, coping mechanisms, preferences, etc—so inevitably there's conflict and change and (ideally) growth. this is why we love Jude/Cardan so much!

like, for just one example: Jude always resented the Folk, even as she admired and envied them. she talks about wanting to be better, to be worse, to excel beyond them and rule over them, and ultimately to conquer her fear of them. part of why Jurdan is so great (aside from being The Power Couple) is because falling in love with Cardan forces Jude to accept that sometimes, the Folk can be good and safe and worthy of her trust. in my interpretation, this arc culminates when Cardan is turned into a snake and Jude has to rely on others (Fand, Grima Mog, the Court of Shadows, etc.) rather than just her romantic partner. she does conquer her fear of the Folk—partially through her cunning and tenacity, yes, but also partially through learning to trust her heart and find those with whom she is safe.

but that's not a lesson Taryn needs to learn. she wants to fit in with the fae; she craves their approval. in tcp, Locke's whole shitty test is based on Taryn's ability to prove that, even though she's human, she can live like the fae. and in twk, while Jude is isolated, exhausted, and (rightfully) paranoid about being betrayed, Taryn is constantly surrounded by the Folk. she seems to find belonging among them, yet she almost loses herself in the process. from a story perspective, Locke isn't that interesting of a romantic partner because he only confirms what she seems to already believe: that to belong in faerie, she will have to change and abandon certain parts of herself (represented most starkly by her betraying her sister). she will have to learn to love differently and live by different rules. and she's quite good at it, as we see—but it makes her miserable. so Locke's murder is narratively important (beyond just being Very Fun) because it represents her rejection of the life he insisted she live.

but the Ghost (for as little as we know about him) is half-human and spent part of his life in the human world. I think there is so much potential for the most delicious narrative tension to arise from their dynamic. they both, for their own reasons, straddle both the human and the faerie worlds, yet fully belong to neither. both of them make choices they regret (killing Liriope / betraying Jude) and both of them are harmed as a result (the Ghost's true name being used / Locke being straight-up emotionally abusive). there's a lot of common ground there, but also potential for great conflict considering the very different lives they live.

after the events of tqon, I get the sense that they're both kind of... recalibrating. of course, the Ghost is still part of the Court of Shadows, but the monarchs he serves are very different than Dain, and he's also been freed from the abuse of his true name. and Taryn is a widow, pregnant, the daughter of an exiled general, the sister of the new mortal queen, and seemingly a bit of a phenomenon in the social scene of Elfhame. who are they, and what is their place in this world that isn't built for them? how do they find belonging without losing themselves? what does living a good and fulfilling life even look like for each of them? how do they adapt to their environment without crossing into the territory of self-betrayal? truly just so many questions that are so fun to chew on

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

Also idk if i mentioned here but it looks like the uni i work at closes for 2 weeks every winter, so i may be able to take on a small number of comms then. More info in the future...

[xylofondue]

Am working on something

My finger hurts but i can do this :,)

[vanityangel]

Roman Reigns and The Usos have only themselves to blame for the Solo Sikoa that exists now. Before Solo even came up to The Bloodline he spoke of already feeling abandoned by his brothers and then when he did come up to join them Roman isolated him further from them. The Usos planted it in his head before The Bloodline Civil War at Money In The Bank that they had no desire to be the next Tribal Chief, but that Solo had both their vote to be. Then, Roman went and crowned him the Tribal Heir. They built this monster. Anyway, Solo Sikoa has never done anything wrong in his life and they should have saved him some of that mahi-mahi.

[ze-pie]

Im thinkin about making a separate blog for my original art/portfolio pieces and keep this a personal/shippy art/fanart blog 🤔

[theloveinc]

i miss ihb :(

[sie-werden-nie-vergessen]

Hello world! I pinky promise that I'm still working on this story! It's on my mind all the time, but I've been working on my final year of college and it's taken away all of my time :((. But I haven't forgotten my sad little Victorians, and I still have so much that I want to write about them. P.S. I've decided that if I'm able to, I plan to rework this story into something publishable (aka not violating copyright law), because it's been such a passion project for me, and I want to get this story into people's hands. I know it won't make me much money, but that's not what I care about. I want to show people the message in it, and I want it to be out in the world. The Bellows Book is my love letter to gothic horror, Victorian-era romance novels, the 1890s, and the world itself. I know it will just be another drop in the bucket in the literature world, but if I'm able to, I truly do want to have it published someday.

[occasionally-intelligent]

so i'm looking through my drafts that have been sitting in this corner for months and i blow the dust off, y'know?

they're all writing prompts.

why do i keep thinking i can write?

i barely have the attention span to write this post, why would i ever respond to someone else's post with my own take when i can just... not?

[soobiri]

Our princess

ENHYPEN Xfem!idol!reader

Summary° you, the perfect Y/N from the popular Korean pop group, ENHYPEN, is asked to describe your ideal type on an interview... what will happen??

Warnings:Reader is implied to be shorter than all members, reader is younger than Hyung line,petnames will be used, not proof read.lmk if I missed anything!!!

Genre:fluffy fluff, 8th member of enha,one-shot( my attention span is to small I'm sorry)

(💌): SHURRUP YALL... MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING SO IM STRUGGLING TO WRITE ATM( even though nobody interacts with my blog🙂🤚) SO PLZZ SEND REQUESTS

"Okay, Y/N, since your new to enhypen we want to ask you a few questions, while your members are still around." The interviewer spoke in such a calm tone, yet still excited to hear your answer. You never actually did a proper interview before, and especially not infront of the guys either, so you weren't as prepared as you would have hoped to be.

"so what was your first thought when you saw the boys and found out you would be apart of the group?" The interviewer asked with a wide smile, you wished you could just Slap the smile off his face, cuz at this moment you were NOT smiling inside. "Oh- uh well i-" you looked back at Jake as if the answer would some how be on his face, he nodded his head forward,as if to tell you to proceed further with what you were doing. " i was nervous before hand I suppose but after a while I guess I got to know them really well" you were soooo proud of yourself (I am too) for answering the question, even though it was t that big of a thing.the interviewer smiled at you and showed a thumbs up, signalling that you were doing great. "Next question?" He raises his eyebrow, you nodded, as a clear sign that you were prepared (bitch we know you weren't) "many fans, and even myself also actually wonder-"he let out a little chuckle, you were starting to get nervous. " What is Y/L/N Y/N's ideal type!" Shit, you didn't know what you were gonna say, you were officially on the verge of a panic attack. "O-oh Uhm- Do I have to-" just as you were about to finish your question he cuts you off. "Oh not just yet, come stand here in front for us,put you on the spot haha," that chuckle, that stupid chuckle. As you hesitantly stood up you looked back at jungwon "I don't wanna do this" "you have to" you guys were practically whisper fighting. "But-" "Uhm, Y/N, we're waiting on you" you rolled your eyes at jungwon and slowly stepped towards the front. He asked the question again "what do youu think your ideal type is?" You thought... For about 1 sevond before blabbing out "well anyone who's taller than me-" you stopped yourself, knowing you had said enough.

Riki clears his throat loudly, purposefully even. He stands up and walks up behind you."I'm taller Do I count?" He says with the most cheesy grin ever while towering over you with his large structure, you were stuck in one place only able to let out a "oh,ha,yeah-" before you felt your older member stand on your other side, "and what about me then? Pretty big difference if Ya ask me, huh Y/N?" Jake found it an appropriate time to chime in, not knowing he had started a new cycle and trend, soon all of the members were huddled around you, all with the same intentions, That's when heeseung decided to stand up from his seating arrangement, he issued Jake to go away, almost has if he was a fly, as Jake and the other boys moved back, heeseung swooped his arm around your waist, "now I think I'm the princess's ideal type".

[umeoniii]

daddy’s bestfriend, kenny

!: corruption kink, age gap, reader is 18+ obvi, innocent virgin reader, reader calls kenny “uncle” they aren’t related it’s just what she calls him, fem reader, guided masturbation, size kink,

{\❀_/} ( • • ) />♡<\

you sat on the couch of your parents spacious living room, skipping through the channels of the tv trying to occupy yourself until your parents left for their anniversary vacation.

they were leaving you at home for 3 days to your own discretion. you were happy to be alone for the few days, you could use your mothers makeup and look through her clothes all you wanted to now.

your mother walked into the living room putting on her earrings. you already knew she was going to try and set a bunch of rules.

“y/n honey, while we’re gone make sure to watch the house. also if you decide to invite over friends text me, and also make sure to feed princess, if we run out of food make sure to get ‘kitty’s delight’ not the cheap kind…” you drowned out your mothers voice, blabbing on about the same things.

“y/n! are you listening to me?” she says snapping you out of your trance.

you nodded your head watching your father come down the stairs in his suit.

you stood up and walked your parents to the door and kissed them goodbye. you walked back over to the couch plopping back down. before your father walked all the way out the door he turned around and walked back towards you, who was yet again skipping through channels.

“also honey, you remember my good friend kenny? the one who used to watch you alot when you were younger?”

your ears pricked up as soon as the name rolled off his tongue.

“yeah, why do you ask?”

“well he might come over to make sure you stay in check. so keep an eye out okay angel?”

you gave your father a long stare before opening your mouth, “im old enough to watch the house, i dont need a babysitter.” you whined standing in front of your dad.

“i don’t care honey, i’d feel safer if there were an older adult in the house with you.” he walked back to you giving you a kiss on the cheek.

you watched as he walked back to door standing with your mother, who blew you a kiss before closing the door. you stood at the window watching as their taxi drove them off.

turning back to the living room you turned off the living room tv and went into the kitchen getting yourself a snack. a piece of the strawberry cake from their anniversary gift.

after you finished your last bite you remembered, uncle kenny’s coming over!

you ran up the stairs, quickly going to your room taking out cuter lounging clothes. your bathroom was your next destination hopping into the shower washing yourself with the strawberry cream body wash you got from the mall the other day.

you wasted no time to shave your entire body and to wash and do you hair as well. you hopped out drying your body off, and greasing up.

you dried and combed through your hair fixing it into a ponytail with a ribbon. after you were done modding your appearance you ran back into your bed laying down. you checked the time on your phone. damn, it took me 3 hours to do all of that? n’ he’s still not here…

you looked over to your nightstand drawer and opened it taking out your diary as well as your pen.

you wrote, “today my parents left me home alone! they acted like i couldn’t watch the house, im in college im pretty sure i can… they’re gonna be gone for a few days, 3 at most. and guess who’s gonna come over? guess! kenny is! my, i’m lowkey nervous but im happy because i haven’t seen him in a lil while.”

it was honestly odd what you had for your father’s friend. you’ve always had a little crush on him. you found many of his attributes attractive. you liked how he towered over you, how he was always very nice to you and overprotective of you. you felt icky at times with the way he made you feel, but you couldn’t help yourself.

while thinking you heard a knock at your door.

it must be kenny! you got off your bed and peered through the blinds seeing kenny’s black truck. you ran down the steps quickly and stopped at the front door. you looked through the peephole seeing kenny’s tall form standing with a bag in his hands.

you opened the door swiftly to be greeted with a large smile on his face. you jumped and gave him a big hug, his large arm wrapped around your hips.

“hey kiddo” he said

“hi kenny” you backed up from the hug, motioning him to come inside. the two of you walked in standing in the living room.

“you’ve gotten older since last time i seen ya’” he said, you noticed how his eyes drifted to your breasts before he quickly looked back at your eyes.

“it hasn’t been that long.” you scoffed, “ what’s in the bag?” you inquired following him to the couch.

“nothin’ my stuff, also i gotcha something.” you watched him pull out a stuffed puppy out of a separate box he was carrying. it was pink with a white bow tied on it. you smiled with bright, wide eyes.

“i knew you liked this kind of cutesy stuff so i got it for you at the store.” you opened it, staring in awe at the white puppy plush that sat before you.

“what did you do with the last one i got for you?” he asked.

“oh, the bunny? well it sits on my bed!” you told him thinking about how you cuddle with it at night as if it were your uncle.

“that’s great, so where am i gonna sleep at?” he asked yawning.

“the room next to mine, you want me to show it to you?” you asked sweetly.

he gave you a nod. you walked up the stairs with kenny behind you. you walked down the long hallway past your parents room and yours and right to the guest room.

“here it is.” it was a nice cream colored room. it had a queen sized bed and a tv.

“you can use my bathroom kenny if you need it m’kay? my parents hate even when i use their bathroom.” you gave him a soft smile as he took off his boots. you walked out leaving him alone.

you walked back to your bedroom putting the dog plushie on your bed. you layed down on your back getting your phone and putting in your headphones listening to your music.

you sat on your bed lying down until you felt a light tap on your thigh. you sat up quickly turning to kenny. you saw his mouth moving not hearing a word leaving his lips. you took off your headphones to hear him clearly.

“huh?”

“i said im about to take a shower y/n, help me out will ya?”

you both walked inside of your bathroom. you showed him where everything was and how to work the shower. he took in the scenery of your restroom.

“damn even the soaps shaped like a lil animal.” he chuckled inspecting the soap, while you lit up your candle.

he pulled out his razor and you walked out sitting back onto your bed.

you pulled back out your diary writing more of the day’s events and also writing some reminders. a few minutes later you heard the door creak from the bathroom as kenny stepped out.

beard shaved off clean, towel wrapped around his waist, and dripping wet. you looked at his hair sticking to his body and you couldn’t help but look down at his happy trail that wrapped around his navel and went down. you looked at him lips parted before you turned around, the heat of your body almost making you sweat.

“sorry i left my clothes in the room, forgot to bring them with me to the bathroom” he chuckled, you watched as he walked out going to his room.

kenny left the clothes on purpose, so he can see your little flustered face as he stood half naked in front of you. he wanted to see just how long it would take to make you break.

he dried off in his room and put his clothes on. he stayed in his room letting the tv entertain him occasionally checking in on you until you came in asking him if he was hungry. you eyed the tight black shirt he wore, outlining his muscles and biceps. as well as the pajama pants he wore.

“hell yeah i am.”

“well i’ll be in the kitchen, i’ll make us something good to eat.” you smiled walking off.

when kenny heard you walk down the stairs he creeped into your room slowly.

he loved how you liked cutesy things, everything in your room was a pastel color or pink. you had cute trinkets and posters all over your room. he looked through your drawers looking at your lacy panties and bras.

what’d he do to see you in only them.

he turned around towards your bed catching a glimpse of the pink journal with stickers laying on your ditsy rose comforter.

he sat himself on the bed softly looking at the cover of the book y/n’s diary DONT read further.

he chuckled to himself before reading forward.

he wanted to know more about you and how your life has been since he last saw you. he hasn’t talked to you consistently in about a year and he didn’t wanna nag you by asking, so he took matters into his own hands.

and boy was he was surprised at the contents of the book. it started off normal about things you did in your day, what you ate, what you wore simple things. sometimes his name would be mentioned. and the things said with his name were always about your feelings twoards him or how you thought about him a lot. one struck his eye though.

“last night i had a dream about my uncle kenny, a very weird dream. i don’t even wanna write about it because it was so dirty and yucky. usually these kind of things come with your subconscious, i mean yeah i like kenny a little more than i should. but i don’t think i like him in the way shown in my dream, that’s weird and nasty. and i’m not like that, i’ve known him for so long, he’s like my uncle. i think i’ll just try to forget about it and get ready to go to work…”

you had a crush on your uncle kenny. and surprisingly he liked you a lot too, he thought you were always such a cutie. when he saw you on your 18th birthday something in him changed.

he knew your father would murder him mercilessly if he knew how he felt about you, but he couldn’t contain himself. kenny closed your diary and layed it back on the bed the way it was originally.

“kenny dinners ready!” you called out to him

he walked down the stairs to the scent of tomato soup and grilled cheese.

“smells good, y/n” he looked at you sitting down at the island

“really? i tried something different and quicker today”

“looks good as well.” he said nearly drooling over his plate. kenny ripped a piece of his sandwich and tossed it to the persian long haired cat meowing on the ground. the two of you ate quietly sometimes making eye contact with a soft smile.

“hey does your parents have a liquor cabinet or somethin’ ?”

you nodded, walking over to the cabinet standing on your tippy toes trying to reach it. kenny came up behind you with one of his hands on your hip the other reaching for your dad’s rum.

you felt a tingling sensation with his hand touching you so intimately like that. he went to another cabinet grabbing two glasses, the both of you taking your seats on the soft cushions.

“y/n you’re old enough to drink ain’tcha? have some.” kenny saud slyly pouring some into a glass for you

“well no kenny, i don’t really like it…” you said hesitantly

“c’mon it ain’t bad, i’ll help you out if you need it.” he smiled at you

you nodded sipping at the liquor and you hated it. you swallowed it only because kenny was watching you, but the burning sensation in your throat almost caused you to purge right on the table. he saw you were struggling and got you a bottle of water.

“here, i ain’t like it my first time either.” he chuckled rubbing your back as you downed the water.

a little while later you and kenny were finished, and you and him went up to your rooms separately. you sat in your bed and put your journal back into your bedside drawer.

you layed in your bed thinking about how flustered your uncle made you that day. the way you felt when he walked in front of you basically fully exposed and the way his big hand laid on your hip.

you got the weird sensation again, you tried to squeeze your legs shut in attempts to make the feeling go away. you turned off your lamp and drifted to sleep next to the barrage of plushies on your side.

you woke up later on to a suddenly heavier feeling in your bed, turning to your side you saw kenny asleep right next to you. you gasped audibly, slapping his arm trying to get his attention. he woke up giving you a confused look before realizing what he had did wrong.

“what are you doing?” you whisper screamed

“im sorry honey your bed looked more comfortable.” he said, you noticed his shirt was off which made the heat grow even rapidly.

he looked at you, a smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth.

“ya‘ know, i know yer’ lil secret” he whispered into your ear.

you looked at him genuinely confused, “what secret?” you grabbed the lighter next to your bed, lighting up your candle.

“don’t play dumb with me doll. the little book that was lying on your bed, i read it.” he said sitting up

you thought deeply into it before you felt your heart drop.

oh my god, kenny read my diary. you tried your hardest to keep your composure, but it was clear that you were shocked and scared.

“don’t worry honey, i ain’t angry or anything. tell me, what was your dream about?” he asked looking into your eyes

“i um, it was about…” you cupped you hands around his ear, “we kissed” you paused abruptly, “ an- and we had… sex but before things really got started i woke up.” you whispered shamefully into his ear.

he looked at you, your heart almost pounding out of your chest.

he picked up on how nervous you were feeling , “you okay?” he asked you, sultry voice making your hairs stand up.

“yeah well, it makes me feel… icky.”

“icky? how?”

“first of all it’s weird because you’re like my uncle, kenny. and second i get this weird tingly feeling sometimes.”

he pulled you closer to him, to where you were almost on his lap, he snaked his arm around your waist and layed his hand on your thigh. “what tingly feeling?” he hummed in your ear.

you hesitated embarrassed to tell him how it felt.

“c’mon tell me sweetie, i wanna help you try n’ get rid of it.”

you grabbed his hand and drifted it to your clothed heat.

“oh, so your cunnie’s what’s achy hm?”

he pressed his finger onto your panties making you gasp. he rubbed it slowly causing you to writhe under him.

“you a virgin y/n?” he said still rubbing your clit through your panties.

you nodded vigorously grinding onto his finger.

“good girl, i don’t want you being with any of those nasty little boys, okay?”

you nodded.

“have you ever touched yourself down here before?” he said nibbling at your ear lobe.

“n-no sir” you stuttered

he removed his hand feeling how damp your panties got.

“m’ gonna teach ya a little something okay?”

he grabbed your hand and trailed it to your panties. he took his hands and ripped your panties, the cold air on your exposed pussy made you tremble.

“kenny i really liked those.” you muttered softly

he held your hand with his and showed you how to touch yourself.

“whenever you get to thinkin bout me just get your fingers and rub em’ on that little bump right there you see?” he slid you all the way onto his lap. the hairs on his chest rubbed against your back. he layed his head in the crook of your neck taking in the scent of strawberry pound cake perfume.

you layed your fingers on your clit rubbing it slowly while he helped you move your hand.

“just like that.” he groaned into your ear.

you felt the tingly feeling become more disperse throughout your body. you moaned softly rubbing your clit. you felt how hard kenny was while sitting on his lap.

kenny moved your hand from your cunt, replacing it with own fingers. he sped up the pace making you squirm more, your thighs closing.

you felt the tingly feeling build up but then it suddenly vanished as your orgasm crashed over your body.

“mm kenny” you whined, your thighs squeezing his hand as you wiggled uncontrollably in his lap.

he kissed your neck as you breathed in and out. he then picked you up and layed you back onto your bed barely giving you time to recover. he spread your legs before pulling down his pants.

a look of dread and confusion took over your face as you looked at his cock. it was long and curved over his tummy. his head was swolllen and leaky. you closed your legs and shook your head.

“what’s wrong pretty? it ain’t gonna hurt, promise.” he said kissing your cheek and prying your legs back open.

he spit onto his fingers and rubbed it onto your vulva before lining his head to your hole.

“im gonna stuff ya like a fuckin’ apple pie.”

he pushed himself into you, softly groaning while doing so. you watched waiting for him to be all the way in. he pushed the last of himself in quickly, causing you to let out a yelp.

he was balls deep inside of you, your legs on his shoulders. he slowly thrusted himself in you. you whined softly to yourself. it was more painful than you imagined, he was so big compared to your virgin body. you felt yourself stretching out after every thrust.

you wrapped your arms around his neck, your headboard squeaking from all the movement.

“how would yer’ daddy feel? if he knew how dirty you were getting for me?”

“upset” you hiccuped, his skin slapping against yours.

“damn right he’d be, so you can’t tell him about this. that his best friend is fucking the hell out of his daughter.” he said rubbing your cheek

you felt guilty, but at the same time you couldn’t help it, you wanted more.

“kenny it feels so good, c-can you go a little faster.” you said shakily

he sped up causing tears of pleasure to run down your hot cheeks. you felt the way his tip rubbed against the ridges inside of you, it made you feel an emotion you’ve like none you’ve ever experienced.

“fuck, you’re so tight honey, im trying so hard not to cum.” he held you closer to his chest biting the tender skin of your neck. you yelped from the sudden feeling of his teeth in your neck, but weirdly enough you liked it.

you liked the full feeling he gave you, the pang of pain you felt when his cock expanded your virgin cunt, you loved it. he slid his hands up your gown groping and squeezing your chest, you wrapped your legs around his waist holding on to him as tight as possible.

“you don’t know how many times i’ve imagined this day. how many times i’ve came into my hand thinkin’ about you.” he grunted, his body slamming against yours.

you started to feel a pleasurable sensation, like something intense was building up inside of you “k-kenny” you sputtered, voiced shaky from all the movement. he looked at you still thrusting, “i feel it again, the weird feeling.” you whined clawing at his back. he didn’t answer your inquiry and instead sped up.

you felt the feeling build up even more as the ribbon in your tummy snapped. you moaned loudly tensing your body and cumming all over your uncle kenny. you gasped for air while kenny continued to thrust into you, his pace getting sloppy.

he pulled out before grabbing your cheeks and forcing your mouth open.

“stick out your tongue like you’re licking a popsicle alright?” he said jerking himself over you.

you obliged.

a few pumps later his semen spewed from his swollen, dark red tip. white covered your tongue as you kept it hanging out of your mouth.

“swallow it like the good girl you are.” he said, his big hand resting on top of your head.

you swallowed the thick, salty liquid with a slightly embarrassed grin.

kenny grabbed you by your cheeks indulging in a deep kiss groping your body more.

little did you know he was planning to repeat this again tomorrow.

。

a/n: only few ppl on this app will understand how bad i need kenny ψ(｀∇´)ψ

a/n2: i hate to be the bearer of bad news for the south park fans, but this is abt kenny ackerman from aot Σ('◉⌓◉’)

[taintedcigs]

it is always so interesting to me the colors taylor associates with love, it’s red. at first. she believes its what love should be like; tumultuous, exciting, never-ending passion. but as she enters into new relationships, phases of her life, she realizes love isn’t burning red, there is never going to be that endless passion, there are going to be times where its just calm and you feel fine. and that’s what she desperately seeks, a love that is not going to be a full upwards experience, nor a downwards one. it’s going to be stable, and then not stable, then boring, then possibly fun, and then repeat: love is unpredictable and doesn’t stay in just the confinements of one thing or another.

she realizes this during the red era as the prologue states: ‘real love shines golden like starlight, maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it’. after this, we can slowly start to see how taylor shifts from the idea of love being red, into the idea of love being golden; we first see this gold association clearly in the reputation album, in dress; 'made your mark on me a golden tattoo' and in dancing with our hands tied; ‘deep blue but you painted me golden’

then she explores this idea of love being associated with gold much further with the muse in lover, the love she saw as starlight during the red era has fully shifted into daylight, she now views starlight as something that ‘combusts’ and 'fades’ while she sees daylight as getting out of that darkness, and seeing the bright side. ‘i once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden.’

we see this theme in a LOT of the songs in reputation and lover. HOWEVER, i feel like this idea of love as gold fades when we get to evermore.

im one of the ppl who will argue to death that folkmore for sure isn’t entirely fictional, especially evermore. i don’t think taylor fully realized how much her personal feelings & experiences were integrated into it when she wrote evermore, but it’s clear as day with everything that transpired after midnights was released and with 2023. and i think she realized it later on too, during 2022-2023, which was the time she started writing ttpd.

‘gold rush’ BREAKS her idea of love being gold, ‘i don’t like a gold rush’ is a direct reference to the muse in reputation and lover era. later on in the midnights album, i feel like she realizes this further, how the idea of a 'golden love' is also a mistaken belief, like the red love was.

‘question…?’ reflects this further, ‘'cause I don't remember who I was before you painted my nights, a color i’ve searched for since.’ yet, i feel like, she is still in denial here, believing that golden is the color she's been searching, therefore, refusing to stop believing in this color association.

now, moving onto the tortured poets department, which i know, is a an album that isn't out and we haven’t heard the song, but let's talk about the alchemy!!! the word alchemy is by definition about the chemical science and speculative philosophy with the aim of transforming base metals into gold. i think this song is about her fully realizing that the ‘golden love’ is just a fallacy like, ‘red love’ was. and depending on how the song will play out, i feel like it could be about whether her realizing that associating colors with love is just another way to romanticize and create this impossible, inachievable goal in her head, like she did with red, or she still associates love with golden, which could be the case, since i think taylor has seen "golden love" as the most precious, safe and happy; e.g. the best day (gold associated with her mom), and her muse in previous albums wasn't the golden love she believed to be, thus, she couldn't transform it into one! 👀

all that blabbing about a song ive never, listened, yes. but i love desperately analyzing taylor songs, it is very annoying, i cannot stop myself. I AM SORRY.

[filmoka]

DRUNK IN LOVE 𖥔 kim sunoo one shot

pairings bestfriend!sunoo x fem!reader warnings mentions of alcohol, reader gets drunk wc 755 in which you drunk confess to your bestfriend genre fluff author’s note made this last night at 11pm 🥰

MAYBE… you drank too much, maybe you shouldn’t have went to that party, and most important of all, maybe you shouldn’t have brought your bestfriend sunoo, who also happens to be your longtime crush, with you.

“y/n, you know i’m not made for these kind of things!” he says as you scoff “come on noo! just this once, and then i won’t ask you again” you pleaded.

he raised an eyebrow “why do I have to come with you?” you sighed and gave him puppy eyes “because you are my bestfriend… and you don’t want me to get in trouble at that party…”

he looked at you for a while and then sighed, giving up “fine, but just this once, just because i have to check on you”

and now there you are, at the long awaited party. sunoo looked anything but happy to be there “just to remind you, you owe me a favor young lady!” he scoffs and you giggle “why are you so grumpy? you’re here, take your chance and have fun!”

he couldn’t help but chuckle at your words “alright alright…”. you two ended up talking with a group of other friends, and you let yourself go.

“y/n…” sunoo says as he notices your dizzy state “noo…” you smile at him with your cheeks flushed red. he sighs “ok, let’s get you back home, you had enough fun” he gently grabs your arm and you pout “nooo! i don’t want to leave! im still having fun!” you giggle.

“come on y/n, don’t act like a kid now” he rolls his eyes as he leads you out of the house and in his car. “i can’t believe you really got drunk” he sighs as you giggle “sunoo! i’m not drunk!” he decides to not talk back to you.

you arrive at your house, he helps you get out of the car when you suddenly wrap your arms around his neck, he looks a bit surprised “y/n…?” he says as you nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck “mhmh?” you mumble.

he just stays silent as a small blush creeps up on his cheeks and leads you to the door. once you two get inside, he brings you to your room and makes you sit against the headboard of the bed.

“you really exaggerated, uh?” you giggle and look at him with flushed cheeks as he smiles back at you, he couldn’t deny you were looking quite adorable now.

“noo~” you say as you cling into his arm, making him let out a soft chuckle “what y/n? do you need anything?”

you smile widely and pull him closer “hug me~”. he looks surprised by your sudden boldness, but decides to not oblige and hugs you.

considered your state, he figured it wasn’t a smart idea to leave you all alone in your house, so he decided to stay with you for that night.

he helped you lay down on your bed “sunoo…” you began mumbling “yes, y/n?” he asked as he caressed the top of your head“mhh… thank you for… staying here” he smiles and slightly blushes “no need to thank me, be more careful next time though” you giggle “ahah… do you want to know something funny?” he chuckles and nods.

“i’m— i’m happy you’re spending the night with me, i like it when you stay with me~” this sentence makes sunoo’s heart beat faster “o-oh really?” he says, stumbling in his words as you nod.

“mhmh… i really… like you” you giggle looking at him with a dumb smile on your face and red cheeks. sunoo’s eyes widen “…you like me?” and you nod.

“this must be the alcohol talking…” he tried to brush it off, but you shake your head and get up resting on your forearms “no… i-i like it when you take care of me… and when you talk to me… and when you’re just— here” you smile and yawn.

sunoo blushes and looks at you with a surprised look on his face. did she really mean it? what she just blabbing nonsense? you started to get sleepy and laid back on the pillow as your eyes slowly began to close “mhh… goodnight noo~” he caresses your hair once again “goodnight y/n” as you fall asleep, he leaves a soft peck on your forehead.

maybe the next morning you’ll forget about this, maybe you didn’t mean anything you said, but maybe you did, and sunoo wholeheartedly hopes that.

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[crispystarfishhottub]

A Crush Huh?

A visit to your bother ends up with a happy ending

"Ugh" I groaned as my alarm sounded. Jet lag was a bitch sometimes and it was kicking my ass today. "Good morning!" My brother Narrator shouted as he swang open my door "gods Grant let me rest" I say pulling my pillow over my face "I just want to sleep" I pulled my cover over me again ready to fall back to sleep "No no no today all the boys are coming! You have to help me sort the house before they arrive!" He said laughing as he pulled my cover off. I reluctantly got out of bed and pulled on my hoodie "fine but im doing it all in my pajamas until they actually get here. How bad can it be to clean?"

Turns out, cleaning is a lot harder when jet lagged. It took hours "oh shit they're here!" Grant said running to the door. I blinked before bolting up the stairs to put on a pair of jeans. When I rejoined him downstairs I saw the familiar faces of his friends "hey guys" I said giving a small wave "good to see you all again" a chorus of "hellos" sounded back as I took my place on the couch next to Eddie "hey how've you been kid?" He asked bumping my shoulder "im not that much younger then you Eddie im not a kid" I laugh "and I've been good! A little tired from the flight over but otherwise im ok"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw juicy looking at me. He sent a wink my way and I felt my cheeks heat up. "Oh?" I hear as Josh moves onto the arm of the couch "what's this im seeing?" He said in a teasing tone "nunya" I reply getting back up "I think someone's got a crush~" Mully sung causing the room to laugh "oh shut up Mulls" I laughed before yawning heading up stairs "im taking a nap im still jetlagged. Later nerds"

I flop onto my bed and sigh. Was my crush on him that obvious? The only one aware so far was Grant and thats because he caught me twirling my hair once at Juicys joke. I hear a knock at my door causing me to sit up "come in!" I call watching as the door opened. Juicy stepped in "hey" he smiled closing the door behind me "hey Gaege. Wanna join me on the bed?" I ask patting the spot next to me "how forward of you (Y/n)" my face must of burned like a thousand suns "oh just sit down" I mumbled covering my face in embarrassment. A comfortable silence fell around us before I felt his hands gently take mine. "Let me see that beautiful face"

I slowly took my hands away from my face. "There you are" he said softly his face inches away from mine "so you have a crush on me huh?" He asked "who blabbed" I whispered softly "Narrator did. I don't blame him though. I've been trying to give you signals" he admitted "maybe this one will be more clear". I felt his hand gently cup my cheek as he leaned in, eyes half closed. I met him half way as our lips touched in a hesitant kiss, my hands moving to rest on his shoulders. His free hand pulled me by my hip into his waist as we kissed. The kiss growing more passionate with each passing minute. When we pulled away I kept my eyes closed "ok wow" I smiled "does that make it more clear?" I felt him chuckle softly "yes it does" I confirmed opening my eyes to meet his "safe to say we both have a crush on the other" he nodded and gently stroked my cheek "so how about we give us a go?" I blushed and grinned

"I would like that"

From outside I heard a loud cheer "FINALLY!" Grants voice was heard saying making us both laugh.

[bingusbongu]

A/n: goodness im on a role tonight! Ive actuslly felt like writing! Here is my absolute favorite comfirt nerd, and his dating headcanons, goodness dont we just love our nerds<3333 i know i do! May rewrite tomorrow! I wrote this as midnight lmao, prolly many mistakes!

TW: MENTIONS OF MURDER, ABUSE, KIDNAPPING, ABD BLOOD, aslo fluff:)

Dr. Flug relationship headcanons!

• honestly, Flug still dosnt understand how he managed to het together with you

• he figured out he liked you awhile back, but thought he didnt have any time for love at first, until you waltzed in and made his heart spin in his own chest

• regardless, he still gets so incredibly nervous around you, he cant help it! He has this overwhelming sense to impress you in every way possible, whether that be showing you his latest invention, or just him doing something incredibly dangerous infront of you, nearly giving yourself a heart attack

• when he did that and it came out successful, you ran up to him to make sure he was okay, blabbing about how he could have hurt himself.

• flug was confused, until his heart skipped a beat in realizing that you were worried

• you were worried about him

• no one had ever cared if he got hurt, neither did he, he just took care of it himself. But you, you were the first person to actually care for him, to look over him in panic that he was harmed

• if he wasnt in love to begin with, he was sure as hell in love now

• you cared, geniunly cared about him, and you were so nice to him

• whenever Blackhat would use Flug as his own personal punching bag, you were always by Flugs side instantaneously after, already taking care of him and patching up his wounds. No matter the amount of blood, you did everything you could to help him, in any way you could

• You were helping him, a insane maniac, a killer, and yet, you showed not a hint of fear

• he was completely head over heels

• Sometimes (alot), Flug would end up working himself down to thd bone, to where he was on like his 9th cup of caffine just to finish a project

• and you would try to persuade him to go to bed, snd when that dosent work, you take the initiative

• you pick him up, and drag him away from his work

• he was hardly much weight at all, so you could easily lift the frail scientist into your arms and take him to bed.

• he would try to struggle, but he was obviously way to tired to protest, and just let himself sink into your arms and rest his head on yoir chest. If he wasnt so tired, he woukd be a flusterd mess, but he was exhausted

• you thought Flugs bed would be way to uncomfortably for him, so instead, you took him to your own. Laying him down on your comfy bed and tucking the poor guy in, and as soon as he hit the pillows, he was out.

• and when i say out, he was completely and utterly knocked out, dead asleep

• when he woke up, he nearly paniced, but realized it was your room, only for him to go into even more panic when he found you laying in bed with him reading a book

• he frantically tried to say sorry and get up, but you were quick to grab him and pull him back to your bed, soothing him and telling him to go back to sleep

• he would protest, but... he felt oddly safe, something he hadnt felt in a long time, and with you there, it felt... nice. As soon as he layed back down, he passed out once more

• from then on, he would occasionally ask to sleep in your room, because he found it more comfortable, and it was a safe place for him to go

• Flug is ever so greatful for you and your kidness to him, he was so... lovesick he couldnt help it. Youre the first person to treat him with kidness, what do you expect?

• when you two get together, Flug woukd be very clumsy. He dosnt know hardly anything about love, he just gets so nervous

• Your going to have to reasure him and make sure he dosnt overwhelm himself

• he is alittle hesitant with affection, despite how much he craves it, he is still unsure, sincecso far all the touches he has gotten fron people were bad

• so you were determined to show him you werent gonna harm him in any way

• your first act of affection was slipping your hand into his while you were walking together. He sputtered incoherently, and nearly bluescreened. But instantly, your warmth soothed him, and he found himself softly holding your hand back

• kisses are a different thing, he gets so nervous when it comes to that. The thought of kissing you makes his heart thump so hard it makes his body shake. He is way to flustered to actually do it, especially a kiss on the lips, he wasnt ready to show you, yet

• and of course, you did the first move, and after a mission, you lightly kissed the top of his bag before bording the ship

• he stopped working, and nearly passed out

• he was a completely flustered mess around you after that, he lovedthe contact, but was so afraid to ask you for more, so he just clamped his mouth shut

• you only realized ome day when he had stopped talking about his day and his gaze landing on your lips. So, you leaned over and kissed him on his bag where his mouth would be

• god he was over the moon

• he feels so safe around you, its the first time he had evr felt that way, he appreciates how being in your presence just makes him calm, or when he is paniced, how you calm him down with loving and gentle words.

• geniunly adores you and everything you do, though he always wants to make sure youre safe, if youre going to be his safe haven, je needed to make sure you were safe, aswell.

* always has a hatbot watching after you to make sure you are okay

• dong blame him! He is worried!

• the first time yall cuddled, Flug was so confused, he had came to your bed to sleep for the night, and you invited him closer

• he obliged, but almost instantly, you carefully wapped your arms around his back and pulled him close

• he was blushing maddly, unsure of what to do, as he tried to pull away but couldnt. He body instantly sank into the comfort of your own warmth, trapping him andhis touch starved self into a hug

• maybe it was fine for one night...

•it happend almost evry night, and Flug loved it. Secretly, ofc

• thr first timd he verbally asked was when he was do exhausted, and wanted nothing more thsn to go lsy down with you and cuddle, (as in cuddle, i mean snuggle his head into your chest and pass out)

• Flug trusts you, youre tge main person he has actuslly ever trusted. You help him in so msny ways

•not to mention you let him ramble about his inventions and plains to you, he liked impressing you, he loves how yoi would sit and listen to him talk and rant, even allowing him comfort and a shoulder to cry on

• you would hold him as he cried and rocked him tell he calmed down and fell aslesp

• He didnt know how much he truly needed you, someone to love him

• geniunly, he feels so lucky to have you in his life, someone who loves and cares for him instead of breaking him into further pieces, you actually tried to glue Flugs pieces back together yourself and it was working

• Flug adores you in every way possible, he is so in love with you, he felt wanted

• especially when something happened to you, and you immediate came to him of all people, to him

• it made Flug feel special, that you chose him, not someone else, he dosnt feel like he deserves it, or deserves you

• but you are bound to do everything in your power to show him how much you loved him

[theloveinc]

now if i go insane i need you to forgive me for it