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fruitsoxs · 11 months

Note

hi socks just wanna let u know i have been thinking about those vashwood as roommates headcanons and i always come back to it cz it’s somehow??? so comforting??? 10/10 chef’s kiss thank u!

it's honestly my comfort au-- so here's a part two ! (here's part one)

Having Vash and Wolfwood as roommates would include(part two);;

warnings;; I included some nsfw headcanons this time. they're at the end and have a warning. This also has a bit of fighting/angst that ends in fluff notes: i have a couple of fics in the work for this au. let me know if there any big moments you would like to see written out into a full fic! (also possibly a knives spin off??)

Their jobs/majors

I kind of feel like Vash is studying in the science department. Specifically something that has to do with plant science? Botany, Environmental science, maybe even biology? I know it’s a little on the nose but I really do think it would work perfectly for him

Maybe he even opens up his own little flower shop in the future??

No matter what he has a lot of labs and he is always tired after them.

He probably has a part-time job as a barista at a little cafe on campus

No thoughts just Vash in a cute little apron

He’s a fan favorite among the college kids. They say he makes the best coffee, and he sometimes gives people little freebies when they look sad

His manager Meryl actively yells at him for it, but she doesn’t actually care that much.

He ALWAYS will give you freebies if you come in to visit him. He gets a free drink as an employee, and he’ll save it for you just in case you come in. Sometimes he’ll even take it to go and drop it off for you

Wolfwood gives huge phycology vibes. Mans had a messed up childhood and wants nothing more than to help other people through that stuff

Either that or he’s an art student. I can see that too

He takes school very seriously, but he is horrible at math. He cannot divide to save his life. He’s had to retake his math class like three times

His job? Well nobody knows and at this point everyone is too scared to ask. (He’s a security guard lol)

Whatever it is, he hates it. He comes home grumpy and needs lots of hugs and kisses.

He’ll be all pouty and pissed off, and then you’ll give him a little kiss on the cheek and a small smile will break out

Bonus; Knives is on the track to becoming a surgeon. I will die on the hill that he is going into the medical field. (he’d look so good in scrubs) and i know McDonalds knives is kind of funny, but I'm thinking he’s actually and EMT. Imagine getting hurt and having Knives be your first responder (id die on the spot)

First Date

It’s not really a date- well you don’t call it a date. Vash just walks in with a couple of free tickets to a haunted house event thing and asks if you and Wolfwood want to come

You’re like hell yeah

The drive there is like the calm before the storm. You listen to some music, seated in front with wolfwood driving. He definitely has his hand on your thigh. Vash is super excited about finally doing something that isn’t getting high and playing games

You all thought it was gonna be some dumb little spooky house. They’re never that scary. It’s just fun to see all the decorations and actors

Oh boy were you wrong

It’s so well put together. The actors are really into it, and they have amazing make up. When you’re standing in line, some clown girl walks up to Vash and you watch the regret build up on his face. The guy is already terrified

The first hallway is pitch black, and you have to rely on a feeling your way through it. Vash is mumbling about how much he hates it the entire time

Wolfwood is like “Don’t worry guys I’ll protect you.” And then proceeds to let out the loudest scream when the lights come on and there’s a girl dressed up as a ghost standing there

Soon all three of you are huddled up, holding hands, and shaking

These things should not be that scary!!!

It’s Vash who gets you kicked out

He gets so spooked that he runs into a bunch of boxes and knocks one of the fake walls down. The entire thing has to stop to fix it

You’re all banned

After that you go eat pancakes and complain about how scary it was

When things get tense

Fights can happen sometimes

None of you are perfect, and those boys have gone through some shit

Vash tends to shut himself away from you when he’s upset. He doesn’t come out of his room, and when he does he pretends like he’s fine.

He doesn’t like burdening other people with his problems.

Eventually it just starts to feel like he doesn’t trust you enough to let you in. SIt gets really bad when he tells you to go away one day, and you watch Wolfwood walk into his room 30 minutes later

It doesn’t really turn into a fight. You just get sad, and even a little insecure. So, you avoid him back. Not because you’re vengeful, just because you feel hurt

A few days of the two of you not talking and Vash is in tears by your door

He begs for forgiveness and explains why he’s like this

You tell him it’s okay, but what he does really hurt you. He promises to work on it, and he does

That night the two of you make up for loss time

Wolfwood and you fight a lot more

Most of the time it’s silly little arguments that you solve pretty fast

Wolfwood is bad at communicating in general. But especially when it comes to his feelings

He has really bad days sometimes, and he can get grumpy really fast these days, and one day you really piss him off

He won’t tell you what you did though, he just gives you the cold shoulder

That pisses you off because you’d so be willing to talk it out and apologize, but he won’t tell you what you did

So you’re mad now too

Things are tense between you too, and it all comes to an end on movie night when you start arguing about what movie to watch

You want to watch one of your favorite movies from your childhood and he says that it’s a stupid movie

Things get heated fast, while Vash just disappears into the background. He that the two of you need to workout your problems on your own (but he really wants to intervene)

When the tears start falling, Wolfwood immediately stops

He takes a breath, and the two of you sit down and just talk.

You talk ALL night about what happened, and what the two of you could have done better. In the end, you fall asleep on his chest while he plays with your hair.

You have movie night the next night to make up for it, and he puts the movie you wanted to watch in before you can even talk about it ( he ends up loving the movie and after that you two watch it all the time)

Id have to make an entire other thing for when Vash and Wolfwood fight because it’s no fun for anyone

NSFW stuff

After the three of you finally get past the awkward stages and start fucking, you find out these two are…horny

They’ll grab you and go to town any time

They really like to share you, but there’s no jealousy in the relationship so it’s okay for one on one time as well!

Wolfwood will pull you into steamy make out sessions whenever. He’ll do it out of nowhere. I imagine he just really likes you, and can’t get enough

He’s very handsy. He’ll constantly have his hand on your hips, or your thigh, and your waist. He likes touching you

He’s the type to sneak risqué touches in public. He like watching you struggle to not let anyone else know what he’s doing

Quickies everywhere with Wolfwood

Vash is a lot more loving (not that Wolfwood isn’t loving– he probably has cried during sex)

Vash takes his time though. He wants every moment with you to be special. He likes to do stuff like rubbing your back, and peppering kisses down your shoulders. He’ll run his hand up your shirt, and kiss your neck softly. He builds up to it

He really likes shower/bath sex. It’s intimate and relaxing

He also like when you take control (i know he’s a whimperer)

He is so bad at any type of public sex though. He gets embarrassed way too easily (and i think Wolfwood has fun with that)

When the three of you do it together it’s fucking electric

#wolfwood x reader #vash x reader #nicholas d wolfwood x reader #vash the stampede x reader #vashwood x reader #wolfwood headcanons #vash headcanons

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askvashthetyphoon · 1 year

Text

Restraint

VashxFemale reader, biting, scratching, sexicles, -18 do not interact, alien anatomy lol

During one of the humanoid typhoons many adventures, somehow, you were swept up into his group.

A survivor of one of the many unsuccessful attempted human settlements.

Now, it was Milly, Meryl, Wolfwood, and of course Vash, trying their best to stay alive on the hellhole planet that was No-Man’s Land. You weren’t as good of a shot as Vash(was anyone), as strong as Milly, or packed as much of a punch as Wolfwood. However, you were very dexterous, sly, and thoughtful, something the group sorely lacked. More than once, you’re quick thinking had gotten them out of the tightest of pickles, often saving plants or extra humans in the process.

Your relationship with Vash had started as nothing more than a crush. You thought he was weird, but cute. With that fluff of blonde hair and those dazzling blue eyes, bright as the sky on the most blazing summer day. He smelled good too- different than most people. When everyone else was drenched in sweat and swearing lowly under their breath from the blazing heat… he only ever smelled of dandelions, gun oil, and faint powdery sweetness.

He was also stupid. But the more you spent time together, the more you realized the stupid part was an act(mostly). You admired his morals. How was it he could keep such hope for the human race, when all he ever got was shot in the back? How was it that he managed to guide humanity towards being a better version of themselves, all while minimizing bloodshed?

You didn’t understand. But you did understand that for whatever reason he wasn’t interested in you.

That was what you thought, anyway. Until one night, while drunk, when he smooched you square across your lips and you recognized it.

That desperate kind of loneliness behind that kiss. Seeping out like blood from a bullet wound, no matter how tight the bandage was. From then on, it became your mission. You wanted him to let go, even if only for one night.

But he was the hardest case you’d ever encountered. He was excellent at ditching the group, and you, especially at times when you’d thought you’d been making progress. He gave such mixed messages- leaning in one moment, darting away the next. It was clear that he wanted to be with you, but was also resisting for some reason you couldn’t understand, and he wouldn’t talk about.

It hurt.

He hated hurting you, yet seemed unable to explain his own actions.

When you found out that he was a plant, things made more sense. The aging thing would probably tear him apart from the inside out. Better to just be friends than anything else right?

Better to bury a friend than a lover. Better to remember only hugs and kisses than anything else.

Yet.

You both found yourself slipping. Soft sweet kisses turning into hot makeout sessions away from the group. Gentle shoulder squeezes turning into roaming up and down each other’s bodies, up underneath clothes. Under that huge jacket, Vash was a bit of a brick house. You’d never know he had such wide shoulders under there. And the squeaks of embarrassment he gave were irresistible… especially when you managed to slip a finger into the groove of his scars. Or press a kiss directly on a mottled, ugly bruise.

You both slipped deeper. Beginning to share rooms more and more often, getting drunk together, going out for breakfast in the morning and dinners in the evenings when you could. And yet. It was strange. When you finally did have sex, there was something incredibly … restrained about it. Vash seemed too self-aware, too tense. You could feel it in the way he moved, almost… jerkily.

And the moment he did start to lose himself-

the moment those lights just under his skin started to snake a blue pattern out across his chest…

He’d stop. Tense up. Calm that side of himself. Then keep going.

It was so utterly disappointing. The sex itself was… fine. But knowing he wasn’t giving you all of himself was unbearable. Hell, you were pretty sure he was actually faking an orgasm… But that was besides the point.

You wanted to see the beast part too. Everyone had one- even you! The part that demanded that part of him. That wanted to be thrown around and bitten and scratched and claimed by whatever was under his skin. The part that made it so difficult to sit, composed, while you were busy burning from the inside out. Your insides so slick when you thought of the bestial side of him, that they stained your underwear and sometimes, even managed a stain on the seam of your jeans.

And that beastly side of him could tell.

You could tell when Vash’s ears went red, his hand tightening up on whatever he happened to be holding at the moment. His Adam’s apple bobbing a bit as he fought back… whatever it was, with every fiber inside him.

Sometimes, you could see it peeking through. Vash’s canines would become strangely long, his fingernails seeming to morph into fine points. The pupils of his eyes elongating like a cat’s behind his glasses, the blue beginning to blot out the white’s of his eyes. Tiny little neon galaxies blooming.

Oh, yes. There was something under there that wanted you, as badly as you wanted it.

But he’d blink them away.

It was So bad that at times, it’d take Wolfwood two or three times to snap Vash out of it as he struggled for control.

It was so irritating. His walls were almost perfect no matter how much you pushed and prodded.

Until.

You awake one morning to a growling and spitting you’d never heard before. Wolfwood and Millie were busy in the room next door; you could hear scraping and swearing and gun shots. At first you thought they were fighting some kind of animal.

Until.

“Vash! Fucker, snap out of it!” From Wolfwood.

And a softer, more desperate, “Vash! It’s okay, we’re here!” You couldn’t help yourself from peeking in- instantly, being blocked by Wolfwoods thick arm.

“Uh-uh. You stay put. Knives is doing something to the plants. It’s got Vash spooked. You-” But he didn’t get to finish as the cried from the creature quieted suddenly. It’s wings folding and some of its tentacle-roots retacting until underneath, you saw something that was Vash. But also, very not.

Roots, thick, purple-black, and pulsing, poured from his back like spilled ink. Dotting these were fine purple flowers, blooming and creating a smell that made you dizzy when you inhaled. His fingers and toes tipped with blackened, sharp claws that glittered in a dangerous way. A long black tail slapped the ground angrily- feathered or furred you couldn’t discern. Only the tip was forked like an arrowhead.

And most beautiful of all- the wings. Were their four, or six? It was hard to tell. Two larger main ones, and then smaller ones lined either side of his spine. An enchantingly messy mix. They were so dark black they seemed to absorb light itself, tiny purple lights winking deep inside those feathers, ethereal and inhuman.

His skin was covered with those markings now, a distressed neon purple shining bright against suntanned skin. Yet, as he looked at you, they began to change color. The one’s near his chest blooming a soft blue once more as he muttered, “I…?”

His voice coming out in a growl that you’d never heard before. Without thinking, you went to him. Crouching down in front of him even though both Milly and Wolfwood warned against it, keeping their guns trained on Vash.

You kissed him.

The blue color spread down his chest, up his arms and legs.

“Leave him with me. I think I can help him.” You murmured to their shocked faces as you took Vash’s head in your hands. Smooching right between two horns that you’d just noticed jutting out from behind his temples. Striped with geometric purple markings, and warm to the touch, with pointed ends. Sort of antelope-like in the way they curled.

It took some time to get Wolfwood and Milly out of the room. But once you did, the fun began. Before you were even really aware of it you were on your back. Those long claws shredding everything that stood between him and your naked body.

At first, you were afraid. That was, until he started kissing a line up your belly. Between your breasts. Your body held gently yet firmly in a loop of an inhuman arm. Too long and strong to be anything human.

“…Vash…”

His eyes flicked to you for a moment. His pupils nothing but black leaves in a sea of sky blue. Flicking for a moment, back to round. You could see panic starting to set in. His hand shaking and beginning to pull away. You cupped his chin and whispered, “Vash, this is you, too. This is a part of you. And I love every part of you. So please…”

You grabbed his clawed hand and kissed it, then him again. So softly and sweetly, like two butterfly wings brushing briefly in a golden field.

“Let me be with every version of you.”

For a moment, he was back completely. And there were tears streaming down his face, white hot.

“I’ll hurt you.” He whispered, his tears dripping gently down the outsides of his face and mixing into that perfect blonde hair. Blackened at the bottom from using too much of his power.

“I trust you.”

“I’m scared.”

You kissed him again, knotting your hand in the back of his hair. Feelings the way his vines were sort of tangling around your arms and legs. The way his wings were curled and cupped around you protectively.

“I am too. But there’s no version of you that would hurt me in any way that matters.”

You felt his hot tears dot your chest as he hiccupped, choking back crying.

Then, he nodded. And he let go.

After that, everything happened very quickly. You were soon parted from any and all scraps of clothing. Given a good lick-down between the legs until you were practically crying with desire. So cruel.

And then all the sudden, too full. You didn’t even get the chance to see what exactly what was between his legs before he was inside you, nudging up carefully, since he was a bit bigger than most humans.

Biting and growling all along your collarbone as he did so. Sucking hard, leaving hickeys. A clawed hand cupping your collarbone. You were like a doll in his arms, the expanse of his shoulders hiding you completely from the world.

It felt… quite different than any other man you’d had before. There were sweet, hard sections to it that spread gently. Sort of like a pinecone but made of hot, wet flesh. The edges spreading and rubbing everywhere against you the farther up he went. The 'core' of it so hot and thick it made you to whimper and wriggle with desire.

He growled a soft, chuckling sound as you bucked. Pinning you to prevent you from taking him too fast, no matter how much you wanted him all at once.

You were full to bursting by the time he was fully seated inside you; so stretched that you were a little worried you’d pop somewhere. The first of many orgasms rippled up your body all at once. And you barely had a chance to take a breath before he set a punishing pace.

During the middle, things got fuzzy. He moved you a few times to get better angles, but he was always the one in control. Sometimes having to drag his claws along the floorboards to avoid goring you in his frenzy.

Unlike the other Vash, this one was loud. Growling, hissing, purring, clicking. The wings flapping occasionally. The roots twining around the bed, the lamp, the table.

They were sounds you’d only ever heard from Vash when you’d startled him in the dark. He’s place his ear against your mouth too, huffing softly, wanting to hear you in return. Giving rough nuzzles against your neck and on the side of your face when he figured out what made you make the right noises. What pleased you.

Your hands scrambled along his body as he took you. Settling sometimes on the wickedly small tightness of his lower back. Still dimpled, even in this form, and slick with sweet smelling sweat. Other times hooking on his shoulders, dug in around the base of his wings. Feeling the spreading of the flowers that dotted his body blooming around your fingers.

If you were lucky, you’d get your chin up on his shoulder so you could breathe. But for the most part you were tucked against his chest, breathing hard against the metal that laced under his skin. Against the thousand cuts and scrapes and scars that you and every other human had inflicted on him.

The pollen in the air making you dizzy. Making you so incredibly wet that he accidentally slipped out more than once, thrusting back up with an annoyed huffy growl and pinning your hips to keep you in place.

You kissed and nibbled mindlessly along every one of those scars, trying to keep up.

All of the sudden, you heard a small crack. And he leaned down, you baring your neck for what you assumed would be another bite or nip.

Only this time, it was deep. Piercing.

Canines sinking in on both sides of your neck, both veins. Tapping into your lifeblood. A red streak running down either side, becoming laced with blue as venom poured from him into you.

At the same time, his hips bucking deep, his body shivering slightly as he came. It was quite hot; you felt it blooming deep inside you like a shot of alcohol on a freezing night.

His arms were all around you now. No part of you touching the scratched and soiled floor as he cradled you so lovingly, so tenderly despite every part of him being a weapon. His roots twining around you, soothingly petting up and down your back. His wings a black tent around you, blocking out the thin sliver of sun that was snaking through the window.

So hot. You could feel it loop through your heart and back outwards. Upwards into your brain, to the tips of your fingers, your toes. Your body shuddered slightly, and you heard faintly a soft wet sound as something burst from between your shoulders. It didn’t hurt.

By now, you were so far away. Barely there when his fangs were finally removed, feeling a wetness as he licked the wounds closed. Or did they close by themselves? And if so, how?

So many questions. So sleepy. The last thing you remember was looking at him, the beast. But Vash also; the soft, tender man you loved oh so much. His eyes the most perfect summer blue and filled with so much concern.

So much love.

You'd have cried if you had any strength left in your body.

He was looking at you and saying very softly under his breath, thinking you couldn’t hear, “She’s like me. Oh, god, she’s like me …” His warm hand cupping your cheek.

And you drifted away.

#trigun writing #vash #vash x Female reader #vash x reader

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magadauthan · 1 month

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Ep 9: Murder Machine

Aaaaand now for the @trigun98watchparty, we get into what makes Trigun, Trigun. Come for the dumbassery, stay for the trauma.

Cue the entrance of Nicholas D. Wolfwood, wandering priest, and his gloriously bare chest.

--Vash can dish out the whining, but he can't sure take it. Milly is the champion, as the baby of the family. "Pay for our bus fare or I'll hate you! and btw can I have ice cream?"

--oh my lord, Meryl, you are so mean to that poor man. Punch count: 3; insult count: 2 - and then you and Milly steal his water.

--WW's Kansai accent is usually coded in English as Southern. It's probably a good thing the dub didn't tackle that, because it would have been distracting, but wouldn't WW with a Boston or a Chicago accent have been amazing? Come on, the Blues Brothers are right there! (hmmmm... there are an awful lot of similarities between Elwood and Wolfwood...)

--Ah, the portable confessional. Add another notch to the "items seen once and never again" tally.

--Boob shot!

--WW's cold read regarding Vash's empty eyes and hurting on the inside is less impressive when you consider that he has more information than he lets on.

--look at his stupid dress shoes, Tristamp nailed that shit, didn't they lol

--"Why doesn't anything nice ever follow you?" F*ck around and find out, Meryl

--"Did we just become best friends?" "Yep!"

--even the kid thinks you two are a couple of dipshits, seriously

--All of this worthlessness is what Tristamp was missing. Vash and WW have to have adventures where they shoot things, get into trouble, and insult one another. This is what's called "male bonding."

--This is one of the clearer looks we get at how the Plants do their Plant Thing. Push the button and a spider robot comes out. Um, okay. Guess that one was less useful than the Tuna Fish Plant or the Canned Salmon Plant.

--Why was it left behind again? Aren't Plants irreplaceable?

--Vash has a pretty good idea that WW's full of shit and takes a risk on him anyway. He knows how to force a hand.

--they're so cute as a team, aren't they lol

--And there's the second gun. don't ask about Knives' third gun lmao

--Milly gets to be best girl again. WW does take a shine to her right away, doesn't he. That, and he probably thinks it's amusing to make Vash and Meryl sit together. It's so third grade. (it's okay, Meryl, you can admit you don't mind that much)

In light of later events, it's interesting to note what parts of WW's cover story are true and which are fabricated. WW has been handed his orders from Chapel, so his encounter with Vash was no coincidence; WW has to case the joint before making a move. The girls helpfully confirm that WW has made contact, and he has to get Vash to trust him. Not too hard, though Vash isn't quite as naive about WW as he puts on. Everyone's got their act.

WW figures out quickly that Vash is a big softy, or maybe he has info; nevertheless, his generosity towards children (which Vash shares) isn't false. The part about the orphanage and protecting the kids is true, though the circumstances of WW's departure have nothing to do with money and everything to do with a hostage situation. WW's amazement at who he's going to be dealing with is also genuine; he knows Vash is legendary, but seeing Vash wipe out all the mechanical mooks while injured is next-level.

And, at the end of it all...

WW certainly didn't expect to like Vash as much as he ends up doing. (cue the conflict, and a zillion angsty fanfics.) That's going to make everything a lot more complicated.

#trigun #trigun 98 #trigun 98 watch party #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #Day 9

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majjiktricks · 2 months

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Metal Gear!!

YIPPEEE TY FOR SENDING IT IN

Favorite character:

kazuhira miller my beloved

Least Favorite character:

oh man. i think most of the characters are pretty cool, or im at least neutral on. hm. even the awful evil villains i find really interesting. i guess i can collectively say the b&b corps? i thought they were just boring, overdramatic fanservice.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

❤️vkaz❤️ (venom snake/kaz miller)

otasune (solid snake/otacon)

solimiller (solid snake/kaz miller)

strangeboss (dr strangelove/the boss)

the insane mess that is bbvocelhira (big boss/venom snake/ocelot/kaz miller)

Character I find most attractive:

KAZ MILLER 😳 fucking. gender goals.

Character I would marry:

venom snake. or solid snake. both prime husband material ❤️

Character I would be best friends with:

otacon or mei-ling. i think we would get along very well :3 two very big nerds and also probably two of the sanest ppl in the series 😂

A random thought:

if you like mgs youll probably like no more heroes. begging more people to play them.

An unpopular opinion:

im not even sure this is an unpopular opinion but. i dont give a shit about the good queer rep/bad queer rep arguments. its a 30+ year old series with the majority of the games coming out before 2010. none of these characters are gonna be handled well. i still think the canon/subtextually queer characters are really interesting, even if they fall prey to stereotypes or the whole "queer-coded villain" thing (or in the case of metal gear where a not insignificant amount of the villains are explicitly queer)

or the ppl who get upset that ocelot HAS to be gay. why do you care. if someone wants to make him bi, let them. it doesnt hurt you. hes still queer either way.

My canon OTP:

i would argue otasune is basically canon. they adopted a daughter together.

if thats not good enough, then bbkaz 👍 awful awful couple and theyre so funny about it. they even had sex under a box on the beach.

Non-canon OTP:

vkaz. insane premise for a ship and i love it so much. what if i thought you were my lost love and you look and sound and act just like him but when i realize ive been tricked i vow to kill him (not you, just him). i love him and therefore i love you (i do.), i hate him and therefore i hate you (do i?).

Most badass character:

jetstream sam. guy does all that with no cybernetic enhancements (aside from the one arm he had to have replaced). (he wears a sort of power suit instead, whereas all his teammates are full on insane robot bodies. underneath his suit is mostly flesh and bone.)

Pairing I am not a fan of:

rairose. i just dont get it.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

ROSE AND NAOMI AND MERYL. they really dont know how to handle women 😭

Favourite friendship:

SUNNY AND RAIDEN 🥺🥺🥺

also raiden and blade wolf. very funny banter.

if the formatting is fucked up. im on mobile rn im sorry 💔

questions from here !!!

#jazz noises #inbox #metal gear #thelocalmuffin

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mannatea · 1 year

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(there are spoilers for the original Trigun series in this post!!)

Howdy meowdy. I watched the new Trigun Stampede episode from today and I have a hot take. Like, the hottest take about this series: this reboot is better than the original anime series run like.

I am going to die.

I don’t know how to describe it, but my only complaint about this week’s episode was the lack of the best character (Meryl, who can do no wrong) and also lack of my man Roberto (idiot old man whomst I love). But I have faith. I feel like this series is going to deliver the one thing I have been desperately craving since episode 1, which is Roberto calling Meryl by her name. C’mon guys, the setup is so clean. No way is he only calling her “Newbie” (while she reminds him she has a name every single time) for no payoff. We are getting payoff for this. It will probably be tragic. I don’t care. I need it. And I am so SOOOO confident we are going to get it.

To be clear, I did enjoy the original anime run when it came out, but I WAS AN IDIOT TEENAGER THEN, and most of my care for the series hinged on the first half of it. The western/humor vibes worked well for me in those days. I did do a rewatch some years ago (maybe..10 years ago?) and the tonal whiplash from the first half to the second half of the series was really...offputting I guess. I don’t remember if I even made it through that entire rewatch.

Now, I didn’t start Stampede when it first began airing because, when it was announced initially, I’m pretty sure the speculation around it was that it would be a prequel to the series, and honestly I just...wasn’t interested in that. Not that prequels are bad or anything, but...Trigun wasn’t a series where I wanted that. So imagine my surprise to learn through Tumblr gifs (of course, naturally, as you do) that it was actually a reboot of the series. Which. I was definitely interested in.

But to start watching Stampede, I really wanted to rewatch the original anime run as a...refresher? Mostly for comparison’s sake, because I’m a stupid bitch and I like being annoying about things.

So a few weeks ago, I rewatched the entire original anime run for Trigun and...while I did make it through the series, I wasn’t...impressed. I mean, yeah, it’s old, blah blah, but that had little to do with it. The aesthetics and everything were fine, most of the jokes held up okay, but what really turned me off to the original anime was, YET AGAIN, the whiplash from the first half into the second. I think it could be said that it serves a narrative purpose, and that alone wasn’t really a problem for me, but the series also felt extremely rushed in that second half (especially with regards to the Gung-Ho Guns). I still think Wolfwood’s death in the original anime run was beyond iconic. I have aphantasia and I will still never get that scene out of my brain. It lives in there, completely rent-free. I can’t see it, but like. The knowledge of it. It lingers.

But other than that, I felt like most of the latter half of the original anime run was just...torture porn? Like, it wasn’t whump. It wasn’t hurt/comfort. It was just. Hurt? It went on for so long it was starting to make me uncomfortable. And then of course, the ending was rushed and Vash’s pacifist nature started to grate on me. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with vowing not to kill, especially for a character like him, but I’ve seen Thou Shall Not Kill done more convincingly in other pieces of media.

And I’m sorry, because I know this is already getting long, but suffer with me a while longer, please. This requires so much writing to actually explain what I mean by that.

In Trigun’s case it’s not just Thou Shall Not Kill on the table. There exists this kind of ignorance Black Beauty preaches against. Vash isn’t personally killing people, but their homes and livelihoods are just constantly being destroyed? And some of these towns have like, hundreds of people nursing injuries? So it’s like, okay...you can feel good about not outright killing people with a gun, but...don’t pretend these things won’t also kill people after you’ve left the scene. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening! (I’m not even going to touch the whole “leaving mass murderers alive to take more lives later” thing. That’s even worse.)

Don’t get me wrong, nuance is great! And for a character like Vash, it’s also very necessary, but...at a certain point, it just makes him hard to like or sympathize with as a person. (99% of this is because the anime refused to let us know him or feel close to him.) The anime ending was just ridiculous in that original run. Sure okay, leave that asshole brother of yours alive, even though there’s no precedent in the anime of him doing anything after recovering except instantly killing everyone Vash loves just to watch him suffer some more.

I feel like I need to be extremely clear here in saying that again, I understand Vash’s fear of killing, fear of becoming like his brother, of becoming numb to what it feels like to take a life, and so on, but... holy shit dude, you just put that burden on other people! Or worse, risk the lives of people who need you to protect them! I love a good pacifist (or pacifist-adjacent) character, but there are limits. Right? And the worst part about this isn’t that Vash is a pacifist/pacifist-adjacent character, but that the anime never really took the time to get into his head, or give us any real emotional...connection to him, let alone reasoning for the inaction. Like we can speculate, but there was almost a...distance? between the viewer and Vash. We were never allowed to get too close to understanding him. (WHICH IS A CRIME.)

I guess one of the tropes I just really hate seeing in anime, or actually like...media in general, is that “hurt someone until they snap” trope, which is kind of “Rage Breaking Point” to some degree, but in the case of Trigun it’s almost more like...a mental snap? It’s like all the bad guys just try to do things specifically to other people knowing it will hurt Vash, and it’s not just...one little thing once, but over and over and over again. The manga context makes this make WAY MORE SENSE, but I feel like anime runs should be able to stand on their own. Anyway, I’ve seen this in other series’ too, like...if I recall correctly, Rurouni Kenshin had a few “bad guys” who would taunt Kenshin and hope that in getting him to kill again they’d bring out that like, assassin persona he used to have? But in Trigun it always felt just...SO MUCH WORSE. I think it’s because with Kenshin, it was like, they wanted to pull that persona back out longterm for their own benefit, to make use of it, so it made some sense to occasionally put someone he cares about in danger to convince him to kill—and better yet, put him up against opponents where, holding back could cost not only his friend(s) their lives, but also him his own life. But with Vash, it’s outright stated to be more like a slow-burn gratifying revenge they’re aiming for, where the point of it is to just make him feel like complete and utter shit forever, which just...begs the question: why didn’t these guys ever just straight up kill Meryl or Milly?

And I think that honestly was just my biggest gripe with the original anime run. Milly and Meryl are just...regular people. Like sure, Meryl’s packing heat with all those hidden weapons (and we love that for her, you know?) but she’s not superhuman in any way. Like she’s a great shot and can take care of herself, but it would be so incredibly easy to kill her. Like yeah all the innocent lives being taken hurt Vash deeply and make him feel powerless, but anyone with a brain would know that hurting people he personally cares about and has an attachment/connection to would be just. So much worse for him?

It’s not that there’s never an attempt to hurt Milly or Meryl, because that did happen...and in fact, this is how Legato dies in the anime, it’s literally a turning point scene for Vash, but there were also never any physical consequences for either woman? Like, Milly and Meryl always came out of it okay. I guess there’s a part of me that kind of likes that they never got hurt badly or anything, because that was SUCH a trope of the times that Trigun didn’t fall into too seriously, but I also just find it hard to believe that nobody ever...I don’t know...just put a bullet through either one of them. Not even a non-lethal shot!

That said, again Vash did kill Legato when the women were threatened in the anime, so it’s not as if it never amounted to anything, but the whole time I was just thinking like, sure sure, but like...how are these women even still alive at all, actually? If the goal is to make Vash suffer eternally, destroying things he genuinely cares about seems like a surefire way to kickstart that. (And threats that aren’t just for show, like actually shooting them in a non-lethal way to start, would have been way more likely to get a response from him.)

Anyway, going back to my hatred of the Rage Breaking Point trope, or...whatever the hell this was in the original anime run... It’s not that I hate the concept as a whole, but when it feels too much like “bad things are happening for the sake of bad things happening” I do find it offputting. In the manga, Legato’s “making Vash suffer eternally” makes plenty of sense, like, he’s an actual character with a backstory and his own reasonings, but in the anime he barely exists and it just comes off so, so weird. I think if you’re going to have that targeted torture aimed at a character, the story kind of has to balance it out with also containing the reasoning behind it, which...okay, so manga!Legato’s storyline is pretty grimdark and...not...something that should have made it to the original anime. But like, them just...putting him in there with no reasoning at all was...worse, actually. And the anime run did other things really badly along this same vein: including parts of the original plot but not the most important pieces of it, so...it felt incomplete and confusing. Like, here’s another example: Knives crashing the ships. In the anime, this just. MADE VERY LITTLE SENSE. Like you can see why he’d be mad at everyone, but not to the degree of like...committing genocide. You know what I mean? In the manga, it’s much, much clearer why Knives did what he did. Hell, it’s almost sympathetic, even. But when they included only PART of that reasoning in the anime, which is far more accessible to people than the manga is (and therefore more viewed/accepted as canon, especially back in the day when manga was harder to get your hands on), it felt like such an extremely bad choice. It mostly just...confused people at the time. I still remember watching the (honestly very boring) infodump backstory episodes with my siblings, and we all felt VERY MUCH like we’d missed an entire episode somehow, even though that was not the case.

Which brings me back to Stampede, or at least, why I think this reboot has the potential to be better than the original anime run. So far, I think the reboot has done a really good job of getting me emotionally invested in the characters. Like, the humor from the original was fine for its time, and also maybe a good introduction to the series (humor made it more accessible, I guess?) but it also had the unfortunate side effect of like, undermining a lot of the themes and character development that was going on. See also: tonal whiplash out the wazoo come the second half of the series.

Stampede threw 90% of the humor away and in my opinion that was the smartest thing they could have done. There’s still humor in the series, but it’s not over-the-top goofy and feels more realistic considering the context.

They’re also pulling a lot more from the manga, which is is beyond appreciated. Wolfwood’s story, for example, is more or less from the manga.

I know fans are mad about the lack of Milly, and I say this with so much love in my heart, and a cat named after the character, but...Milly did not do much for Trigun like...in general. I still hope she makes a cameo appearance, or eventually takes Roberto’s place (in the event that he does meet a tragic end), but so far I’m honestly not missing her...at all. I feel like the story Stampede is giving us so far just doesn’t have room for, or need of, her character. At least not yet.

They’ve also softened out Vash a lot for this reboot, in basically every conceivable way. He’s just easier to understand and love as a character the way he’s presented in Stampede so far, and it makes it easier to understand why other people like him, are intrigued by him, or even care for him as a person.

Meryl’s career change is also something I’ve seen people getting upset about, and I really don’t understand that criticism at all. Like, journalist/reporter type work just makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE for her as a person. The insurance thing was dumb as hell and always felt like such a weak excuse to me, and it’s hilarious how this one small tiny change makes SUCH a huge difference in making her motivations make sense.

Like, obviously she already cares about Vash as a person, and is intrigued by him, mayyyybe is developing feelings for him (I’m sure It’s Complicated™), definitely wants to get to know him more/understand him better, but these things feel natural in the environment they’re presented in. Like, in the original anime, she kept running into him almost by chance, and while it was funny to see her getting annoyed (and eventually realizing he is, indeed, Vash the Stampede), it didn’t really offer anything but humor. And like I said earlier, the humor getting thrown into the garbage was a great idea for Stampede as a reboot. We don’t need funny ha-ha’s shoved down our throat. We need to care about these characters. We need to understand their motivations. We need to FEEL SOMETHING for them when they are forced to make choices, when they learn something new about one another, when that connection feels solidified between them as teammates and eventually friends.

And in the original run, once Meryl accepts that Vash is, indeed, Vash the Stampede, and not just some dumbass she keeps running into, her sole motivation in following him around becomes just...preventing disasters so that her company doesn’t have to pay out insurance? And it’s like, okay...nobody in insurance loves their job that much. Nobody in insurance getting paid the beans she’s getting paid is going to put their life on the line TO THAT DEGREE to help management make more money lmao.

I think a romantic could argue that she also follows him because she’s worried about him, especially as she comes to realize how awful people tend to be toward him even though he’s not a bad person or anything, but it still starts with her following him because of insurance reasons. Again, that’s a laughably weak motive.

This career change was probably one of the best things they could have done for Meryl as a character. Unless the reboot completely flops at the end, I think I’ll stand by this.

My only worry regarding Meryl’s career is that the series almost sets things up like there could be one of those dreaded Yucky Miscommunication type situations, where it looks like she’s hanging around him just for a scoop, but it’s juuuust out of reach enough that I don’t really think it’s anything that would actually happen. So far the writing is too solid to make me think that will come up. Thank God.

Another popular gripe against Meryl is that she’s not the senior on the team now that Milly has been replaced by Roberto, but I think this move was to help introduce us to the world and story with Meryl as a fresher-faced, motivated person who wants that big break enough to actually do stupid stuff (like follow Vash against Roberto’s advice). It’s also important to note that even though Meryl isn’t the one technically in charge, she’s still the one moving the plot along regarding herself and Roberto. Like, he discourages her from following Vash, because it’s dangerous and their jobs aren’t worth their lives, but when she makes it clear it’s what she wants to do, anyway, for more than just job reasons, like, he doesn’t abandon her. I think this speaks to his relationship not only to Meryl, but also to Vash that he allows this to happen, because he could have so easily just...left her to her own devices. Or even physically restrained her to prevent her from going against his advice, if he was so inclined.

I am also very much hoping that Roberto’s place in the plot fills a hole that I think the original anime run had, which was that Vash had so many issues regarding relationships to other people. He ended up filling the void of friendships with several people, but never found anyone to fill that “parental” role after losing Rem. I don’t think Vash has like, “mommy issues” really, but I do think that he would benefit a lot from any kind of parental-esque love and approval, and Roberto so easily could fill those shoes... I want it. Badly. Because I care a lot about this version of Vash and want him to have that.

I don’t really want to comment on Meryl’s perceived helplessness right now (this seems to be another common complaint), because in the anime run, her insane amount of hidden derringers was not revealed too early in the series, but I will say that giving Roberto a derringer has me slightly worried that they might have given him that...part of her character design. I am placing my trust in the writers though. At the very worst I could see her borrowing that gimmick from Roberto should anything happen to him (and like I said several times now, I think something will).

But I also want to think that we’ve come a long way since the late 90s/early 2000s when it comes to female character writing, and Meryl doesn’t necessarily need to be “strong” or “capable” in the same ways as the other (specifically male) characters are to bring something important to the table. Let’s not forget that, at least to our knowledge she’s...just a regular person.

Worth considering, by the way: in the original anime run she more or less agreed with Vash’s pacifism so there might be something alluding to that eventually in the reboot. I think especially in Stampede, this is something they can use to connect; not many people understand or agree with that aspect of Vash’s character no matter how much they otherwise like and respect him, so her being able to do that could be really good juicy character stuff down the line.

I’m sure there are other criticisms out there but I can’t recall them offhand and I’ve toyed with this stupid post for like, hours by this point, soo...I’ll end it here.

Again, the reboot is promising to be better than the original anime run. And so far I already feel it is. I feel a connection to the characters that I never felt so strongly for the original series. Today’s flashback episode was not boring for me at all, and I even cried a little at one point, which is something the original series never managed to get out of me. Imagine that.

If you want my opinion on anything in particular, feel free to send an ask. Sorry this got disgustingly long but you know how I am.

#trigun #trigun stampede #trigun meta #long post #i can't believe i've done this

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danafeelingsick · 1 year

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Hello! It's me again, the one who asked permission to write somwthing based off your art!

Lemme ask you something real quick!

Tristamp Vash's been around for about 150 years, do you think he ever got sick during this time?

If he has never been sick in his life, do you think his plant powers would make it even worse?

Can you imagine him feeling sick/nauseous for the first time and not understanding what is happening with his body?

I dont know why, I can see his powers making him suffer a little more with what to Meryl is something normal

hi there! thanks so much for your interest. i'm honored some of my art inspired you (˶◜ᵕ◝˶) hope this ramble down here made any sense though:

i think maybe yes. even though I love the trope of a non-human sickie experiencing nausea for the first time, i feel like tristamp vash needing to eat and sleep leaves him very vulnerable to picking up a stomach bug or eating something bad. we already know '98 and trimax both get sick, i think trimax vash even had a chapter where he was sick and feverish (but it didn't go into detail sadly). and when that happens he probably gets very sick for several days, and has to deal with that all by himself. or maybe he returns to Home for help.

but if you'd rather go the route of he never got sick before and the first time happens around Meryl, Wolfwood and Roberto, then you can also excuse it by him being around humans for long enough got him sick (he picked up something off them). i mean, do scenarios like that even need an explanation?

going into light spoilers for tri/gun stam/pede here!

ooh, and i totally can imagine him experiencing nausea for the first time. he doesn't notice the first symptoms since he has a good tolerance for pain, but internal pain he doesn't know the cause is a new one. so he ignores the shivers, the discomfort, but that stomach-sinking feeling every now and then he can't really place it. and when he starts to feel queasy it's such a foreign feeling he can't help but get anxious, not knowing what's wrong. it evolves to a point where he is dizzy, he so feels bad, he feels heavy, gross and slimy and he just needs to sit down and try to collect himself, and maybe keep himself from crying.

or he could just not get sick that often because his body probably knows how to deal with it, or he isn't as susceptible to illness. it has to be something very gnarly to get him actually sick, like exhaustion and lack of care, some made-up bug only plants get.

about his plant anatomy when sick: aside from the glowing patterns showing up if he's too weak to surpress them, maybe they show up exactly where it hurts (maybe they light a trail from his belly all the way up to his throat when he's about to puke 😳). vash being a plant (this is my own interpretation and do remember i am fairly dumb with those things) means he can transform his energy into other things, although it's something he can't quite control, so when he's sick these processes get all twisted. he probably produces a lot of heat and gets super high fevers, like could burn – not really burn but make it uncomfortable to the touch – someone if they try to hold him for too long. he can't handle food at all, so giving him soup is just so he'll have something to vomit because that won't stay down, and he won't really be able to digest it. maybe those black vines come out of his limbs too, but those either don't last long or he won't let anyone see them. and i feel like Vash could influence the smaller life-forms around him when he's sick, so they often quarantined him back in Home so it wouldn't damage the flora there, or maybe all of the worms would avoid him if he was in the desert, he probably avoided the citys too, just in case whatever he had was contagious.

it's all down hill from there. he doesn't really know how to hold in his vomit, or what nausea even feels like, so when he starts gagging and feeling like his belly is trying to turn itself out, the fear finally gets to him.

i feel like he would be very guilty and apologetic about vomiting once he knows what it is exactly. he doesn't need as much food as humans do, resources are scarce, but he does feel hunger and thirst, and it still feel wrong about wasting anything.

ooo rant over

#dana//rambles #dana rambles about tri/gun

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pipipinyyy · 3 years

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Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

#Spotify #imawa no kuni no alice #alice in borderland #alice in borderland netflix #niragi #niragi suguru #suguru niragi #character playlist #aib niragi #aib #overanalyzing niragi is my favorite hobby

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365days365movies · 3 years

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February 3, 2021: Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

The year: 1986. A small new fictionation is founded as part of a disparate group of similar territories. Near to another civilization founded by Woody Allen (we’ll get to him later this month, whoof), a new settlement was founded by one Nora Ephron. It began with Heartburn, a rom-com starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. While it was somewhat successful, it wasn’t exactly a dynamo by any means. And that is when Nora met the future Empress of her fictonation.

Her name was Meg Ryan, and the film...was When Harry Met Sally.

Ephron only wrote this film, rather than direct it. But it didn’t matter, as this film was CRAZY successful (and I’ll be watching it later this month). Some years past, and both Ryan and Ephron rose in power. Ephron became a director, Ryan became a movie star, and the two pillars would reunite for greater things. And THAT is when the future Empress met her Emperor.

Enter Joe vs. the Volcano, where Meg Ryan...met Tom Hanks.

Now, was this movie amazing? No, not from what I’ve heard. But the two new co-stars apparently made an impression on Hollywood at this point, as their respective stars would only grow brighter. And so, when 1993 came along, the three pillars finally met, and ascended to their true roles as the rulers of a now united Holy Romance Empire. And that film...was Sleepless in Seattle.

Time to witness a nation RISE. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start where all romantic comedies should start: at a Chicago graveyard!

Architect Sam Baldwin’s (Tom Hanks) wife, Maggie, has sadly passed away, leaving Sam and their son, Jonah (Ross Malinger). Sam’s clearly broken, understandably, and he decides to move from Chicago in order to leave behind the bittersweet memories of his wife. And where he’s headed? You know where.

Jimmy Durante’s rendition of “As Time Goes By”

Jimmy Durante sings us in (I love this song, for the record), and we head not to Seattle, but to Baltimore, 18 months afterwards. There, reporter Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) is going to a Christmas party with her new fiancée, Walter Jackson (Bill Pullman), which is announced to great aplomb at the party. Her brother Dennis is played by Niles from Frasier (David Hyde Pierce), and I nearly spit out my sandwich.

That night, Annie’s mother gives her her old wedding dress, and have a VERY frank conversation about their sexual relationships. It is...awkward. Anyway, the dress tears, which Annie sees as a sign. In any case, she still seems happy...I think. On the way to Walter’s parents’ place, she tunes into a radio talk show, where a child is making a Christmas wish to the station.

This child is, of course, Jonah, calling on behalf of his father from Seattle. He tells the host, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone (Caroline Aaron), that his father is lonely after his wife’s death, and that he wishes he had a new wife. She convinces Jonah to put him on the phone, and while he’s reluctant to do so (understandably), he accepts. All the while, Annie’s listening, and seems to sympathize deeply with him and his sarcastic responses.

However, Sam begins to open up, and Dr. Fieldstone christens him “Sleepless in Seattle,” after the fact that he doesn’t sleep much at all these days. His story resonates with a number of people, Annie included. A few people call in to respond to him, and at the end of the call, he describes how much and why he misses his wife. And I gotta be honest, I’m with Annie here. It is...very moving.

Damn you, Tom Hanks, it’s only 20 minutes in, why are you already making me FEEEEEEL?

The next day, it’s a splash, and over 2,000 women call in in response to this. This is discounted by her co-worker and friend, Becky (Rosie O’Donnell). At the New Year’s party soon after, she and Walter make a date to meet in New York City, and register for their eventual wedding. Meanwhile, Sam tucks Jonah in to sleep, as Nat King Cole serenades us (I ALSO love Nat King Cole, real talk) and Sam stares at the fireworks off of his houseboat.

And, mentally haunted by the ghost of his wife, he’s seemingly literally haunted by the ghost of his wife, Maggie (Carey Lowell). The next morning, he goes to help a client, Barbara (Dana Ivey), and his co-worker Jay Matthews (Rob Reiner) with a house, and finds out that everybody knows who he is at this point. Additionally, Jonah also give the radio station their address, and MANY women are now soliciting Sam, including...his third-grade teacher. Ew. EW.

Sam and Jonah next have a talk about whether or not a prospective new wife would have sex with Sam, and I wonder if sexual conversations with your parents are supposed to be this common, or if I’m just crazy. Because me and my Dad? Nuh-uh. And no worries if your relationship with your folks is like this, but mine DEFINITELY IS NOT, lemme tell you.

Annie and Walter prepare for bed, and Ray Charles sings them to sleep, followed by Carly Simon talking about the wee small hours of the morning. During those hours, Annie gets up, also unable to sleep, and turns on the Dr. Marcia Fieldstone show. During the highlight reel for the show, Disappointed in Denver notes that:

Everytime I come close to orgasm, he goes and makes himself a sandwich.

...Wow. Um. Asshole? And then Marcia tells her to make a sandwich for him beforehand, WHICH IS NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM. Anyway, Sam is also featured in that highlight reel, and Annie cries again as he talks about his wife, and it’s a disproportionately long excerpt compared to the others, what the hell? Marooned in Miami is DISAPPOINTED now.

Annie goes to meet her brother Niles (he’s basically Niles from Frasier, seriously) the next day, and explains that she’s fantasizing about Sam, a man she’s never even MET. She’s also feeling doubt about her upcoming marriage, which is...interesting. I’ll get to that later. In Seattle, meanwhile, Sam asks Jay what it’s like as a single man in Seattle, and they have a conversation about how cute Sam’s butt is. Nice.

Upon the realization that his 9-year old son is hanging out with more girls than he is (yeah, there’s a kid named Jessica hanging out with him when Sam gets home, it’s awkward), Sam’s back in the saddle again (as the song indicates; that said, goddamn is the music choice on the nose sometimes, seriously). He calls a woman named Victoria (Barbara Garrick), and asks her out on a date.

Annie’s watching the movie An Affair to Remember (lateeeeeer) at Becky’s, as she’s lamenting her fixation on Sam, while also struggling to fully understand how she feels about Walter. Becky RIGHTFULLY accuses her of believing in Hollywood, movie love, which is demonstrated by Annie’s meaningless platitudes about her supposed love for Walter. This is while she’s writing a letter to Sam, then aborts it when she realizes what she’s doing. She sits on the couch with Becky, they mouth the words together in the movie, and they cry while I laugh, because that was funny.

Things aren’t as jovial for Sam and Jonah, as Jonah’s had a nightmare, and the two reminisce over missing their mother. Sam notes that Maggie could peel an apple in one long...curly...strip. You mean...like Annie was doing earlier? I see what you did there, movie. I see what you did there. As if to compound their invisible connection, both of them sit on a dock, staring into two separate oceans at night.

Sam proceeds to write a story for the paper on “Sleepless in Seattle,” and through some...mildly creepy personal invasion, she finds his address in Seattle, and a hell of a lot more personal information. Like I said, it’s a little creepy. Sam, meanwhile, is going on a date with Victoria, when Jonah opens a letter...from Annie.

Annie. What’re you doin’?

Jonah appears to IMMEDIATELY ship the two, but Sam quotes the coast-to-coast distance as being a bit too much, and goes on the date with Victoria. While on the date, Jonah tries to hook Sam up with Annie by getting him to agree to take them to New York City on Valentine’s Day. Damn, Jonah, you lookin’ to escape a whale, because you are BUILDING A GODDAMN SHIP

Victoria, a woman with an amazingly obnoxious laugh, does not rub off well on Jonah, or me, or my girlfriend. I’m really hoping that somehow, in SOME WAY, Victoria and Walter get together. He’s boring, she’s obnoxious, who knows? They might like each other. My ship...is being built.

Jonah, meanwhile, is TAKING THE FUCKING WHEEL of this ship. He calls the radio station once again, and Annie is alerted to this by Becky. She wakes up, punching Walter in the process (dude gets HURT), and goes downstairs to listen. Jonah’s telling the station that Victoria SUUUUUCKS, and straight up calls her “a ho.” He hangs up abruptly, and screams to stop his father from kissing Victoria. Annie, meanwhile, listens to this in the closet for some reason.

The next day, Jonah’s friend, Jessica, tells Jonah to send a letter to Annie on his father’s behalf. Meanwhile, Annie flies to Seattle in the guise of doing a story, when she’s actually going to try and meet Sam. Victoria, meanwhile, is leaving from the airport, where Sam and Jonah are seeing her off. Victoria basically implies that she’d like to ditch the kid and go fuck someplace sometime, which might FINALLY rub Sam the wrong way.

Sam talks to Jonah about the fact that he’s dating Victoria, not marrying her, and that she might not be the one for him. He also says that there’s no such thing as soul-

-mates.

Yeah, they actually did just do that. Sam loses Annie at the airport, after immediately chasing after her. They’re perfect for each other, as Annie goes RIGHT to Sam’s houseboat address. She hangs around the neighborhood, and sees them having fun on the beach together as Harry Connick Jr. plays in the background. That night, she confides in Becky about her guilt in lying to Walter.

And if I can just say this...yeah, THAT isn’t great. I get that there’s some cinematic paegentry to the whole thing, but, like...tell your FIANCEE about your FEELINGS. It’s hard, yeah, duh, but YOU GOTTA DO IT. You most certainly owe it to Walter. At least she appears to know it, though.

Annie at the hotel

The next day, Annie goes once again to weirdly spy on Jonah, and sees him hug a woman very happily, and of course believes that that’s Victoria. However, this is his friend, Suzy (Rita Wilson), who’s visiting with her husband, Greg (Victor Garber). In any case, this leads to Sam and Annie seeing each other for the first time. He says hello. She says hello. Then she almost gets hit by a taxi, and she IMMEDIATELY flies back home WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUH

We find this out later, but the taxi and the fact that all she could say was “Hello” is actually all a reference to the film seen earlier, An Affair to Remember (again, later this month). This is also part of the repeating motif that this film has: signs. Y’know, the kind of “IT’S A SIGN” thing. However, the real twist here is that the signs are the ones that they can’t see. Like the apple and the hello thing. Not yet, anyway.

Also, dear lord, An Affair to Remember is just making EVERY woman in the film cry, even when they’re TALKING about it. And every time, the men just look at each other like “WOMEN, with their EMOTIONS and their VAGOOOOOOS.” Jesus, ‘90s movies. Even JESSICA (Gaby Hoffman), Jonah’s friend, the LITTLE GIRL, is crying at this movie. JESUS, I’m really interested in seeing this movie now.

Jessica and Jonah start conspiring on how to get to New York to meet Annie, and do so by FAKING AIRLINE TICKETS OK THEN. Meanwhile, Annie’s given up on the whole “Sleepless in Seattle” thing, and goes to meet Walter for their Valentine’s date in NYC. Walter rightfully comments that Annie’s seemed distant, and here’s the thing: Walter deserves better than this. Yeah, he’s BORING AS SHIT, but the dude’s committed to her, and she’s amazingly flaky in comparison. I dunno, maybe it’s because it’s Bill Pullman, but I feel bad for him.

Anyway, in New York, the two begin to rekindle their relationship, and Walter gets a ring for her at FUCKING TIFFANY’S HOLY SHIT. Meanwhile, Sam’s THIRSTY AS FUUUUUUUCK, and is leaving to spend the weekend with Victoria, which Jonah is NOT a fan of. This ship is gonna SAIL if JONAH HAS TO FLY TO NEW YORK CITY HIMSELF

So, Jonah flies to New York City himself, in order to...meet his new mother. This movie has some VERY interesting issues, Jesus. Jonah does, indeed go to the top of the Empire State Building to look for Annie, and he asks all the girls on the Observation Deck if they’re Annie. Which, of course, none of them are. Why?

Annie’s at dinner, that’s why, and at the FUCKING RAINBOW ROOM DEAR LORD HOW MUCH MONEY DOES WALTER MAKE? Sam also makes his way to New York, probably to DESTROY HIS CHILD

And at dinner, Annie actually redeems herself by telling Walter the ENTIRE TRUTH about her feelings, and about “Sleepless in Seattle.” And Walter is a CLASSY-ASS GUY ABOUT THE ENTIRE THING, and the two break off their engagement amicably. Annie says that she doesn’t deserve Walter, and BY GOD SHE’S RIGHT. Walter’s a sweet dude. And as soon as they break up...a sign.

Sam finds Jonah on the Observation Deck, and the two tearfully reunite. And as they two unite, and everybody else leaves the Observation Deck as it closes for the night, Annie rushes on her way there. An Affair to Remember is invoked one last time, as Annie convinces the guard to let her up there. But, OF GODDAMN COURSE...she goes up in one elevator, and Sam and Jonah head down in another.

But wait. Isn’t that Jonah’s backpack on the ground of the Observation Deck?

youtube

Yup. THERE’S the happy ending we’re lookin’ for. They finally formally introduce each other, and Sam says that they’d better leave...ALL of them, together. Love at first sight. PLAY US OUT JIMMY DURANTE!!!! And yeah, I know that Celine Dion sings the end credits song, but NOPE! TAKE ME AWAY, JIMMY! MAKE ME HAPPY!

And that was Sleepless in Seattle! And again, I liked it! I’ll get more into it during the Review!

#sleepless in seattle #nora ephron #tom hanks #meg ryan #rosie o'donnell #bill pullman #ross malinger #romance february #romance movie #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #user365

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lynyrdwrites · 4 years

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looked at death (in a tarot card)

This is to fill the bingo square “do you ever think of me” for @klaroline-events. @goldcaught, this is the celebrity AU I was discussing with you. Wrote while listening to “Dying in L.A.” by Panic! At the Disco. You should listen while you read.

Also on AO3. Listen to the song here.

---

It started like this.

She was eighteen. She rode into the city with bright eyes and hopeful heart. She had the whole world in front of her, and she can remember walking down the boulevard, looking at the stars, and thinking that, someday, her name would be there too.

She was eighteen, and someone gave her a fake ID, and it gave her free passage into every bar in town. She needed that passage. You didn't meet the people you needed to meet in daylight at Starbucks. You met them in the dark while bands that were just as hopeful as she was played in the background.

She was nineteen and had just finished her first speaking role - a tiny extra role, but the star of the whole thing was Meryl Streep - and she walked into a bar to celebrate. She had friends, but they had already celebrated that night. So she wanted this celebration to be just for her. The place was all about music, no movie executives to be seen. But on stage?

Caroline had showed up to L.A. with bright eyes and a hopeful heart, and part of her had wanted some of the magic of movies to be real. She had learned in the year since her arrival that wasn't the case, but when her eyes met His? She was a believer again.

His voice was low, and had an underlying accent to it, and she couldn't look away from him. It might have been embarrassing, except he was looking right back, and even though she didn't fully register a word of the song, she felt like it was directed right at him.

In the end, he bought her a drink.

In the end, she went home with him.

In the end... that was the end of her life Pre-Klaus.

---

At twenty-nine, Caroline classified her time in L.A. to two strict categories. Pre-Klaus, and Post-Klaus. There was also During Klaus, two glorious years that she tried not to remember, because...

Just, because. It was easier.

Just like it had been easier to walk away in the end, than to risk staying. Just like it had been easier to agree to date Stefan at twenty-three and stay with him through six years despite relative indifference towards each other.

At least... she thought it had been easier with Stefan.

Until he decided to implode her life by getting caught naked with his brother's wife.

She hadn't been in love with Stefan, had never come close to believing he was in love with her... but she had thought they'd had a certain level of respect for each other. A respect borne out of the fact that they had become Hollywood's It Couple and increased each other's careers exponentially. Separate, they had just been two more pretty and talented people in a city full of people every bit as pretty and talented. As Steroline, they had become the romance of the decade.

It had all been a lie, but it had been a romantic lie that the world around them ate up. And it had gotten them both jobs they might not have gotten otherwise.

All it required, was a bit of respect. All it required was that they keep it in their pants.

Caroline had done it. It hadn't even really been that hard. She'd done passion and messy and she'd walked away from it, because she'd been too young and too new to stand up under the scrutiny it brought her. She'd rather put forward the shining front that no one bothered trying to dig beneath.

And the whole time, Stefan had been screwing his brother's wife. His brother's wife who was one half of Delena, a couple whose popularity might even eclipse Stefan and Caroline's, simply because they'd come from the same home town, and the idea of a childhood romance turned lifelong partnership was difficult to beat.

It was all about the story after all.

And so, Caroline had been in meetings with Stefan and his agent, and her agent, all of them putting forward ideas of how to fix the whole mess. And their consensus seemed to be that Stefan would have a press conference, where Caroline stood bravely and loyally at his side while he announced that he had made a mistake, and they would appreciate privacy while they worked to salvage their relationship.

It was a load of garbage, and Caroline had listened to it and felt empty.

Not angry.

Not sad.

Not even a little annoyed.

She had just felt empty. And then she began to wonder when that had started. Because it hadn't happened immediately Post-Klaus. During that time, she'd sometimes felt so full that she wasn't sure she would ever be able to fully remove him from her. He had indelibly left his mark, and she'd felt broken by it. But at some point, during those seven years, she had become numb.

So she had looked around the table, at the people who were fighting for something she didn't care about. Something she was pretty sure she had never cared about... and suddenly she missed herself at eighteen, bright eyed and full of hope. That girl had felt so much, and it had seemed awful at times, but it had to be infinitely better than this nothingness.

Caroline stood, and without ever once saying a word, she left them all behind. At some point, the constant ring of her phone - Stefan and her agent trying to reach her - got annoying, so she turned it off and just kept walking around the city.

She tried to look at it with the eyes of someone just arriving, to see the promise and hope, but it just seemed... dull. Grey. Like any city on an overcast day, and she couldn't find what it was that had drawn her here so desperately when she was a teenager fresh out of school and fleeing Virginia and dead parents that had never really seemed to want her anyway.

She turned her face away from the clouds and focused on the pavement beneath her feet instead.

She didn't even realize where her feet had taken her, down streets that she had avoided for years, but that she still remembered so well. And then she was there.

It was a little run down compared to the clubs that had become her haunts in the years since that night she planned to celebrate. But the old sign outside had the same name written on it, and when she pushed through the door, the interior was still lit just enough for the mood to be right. It was the middle of the afternoon; the place wouldn't fill up for hours yet, but it had a regular day crowd that came in for food an whatever new band had scored a set on the stage that had created Klaus Mikaelson.

It didn't matter if it was a terrible time - every would be musician wanted to stand on that stage.

She looked to the stage as the first notes of a song that seemed familiar to her began to play.

It was almost a decade earlier, and she was stepping through the doors for the very first time, and she couldn't take her eyes off of him, and the way he owned the stage, even as he played an acoustic set that would never sound quite right anywhere else.

It was almost a decade later, and his gaze still found hers, as if it was that very first time. And she couldn't look away.

She knew the exact length of the song. She had listened to it so many times in the days after their first meeting, and then again throughout the years after they went their separate years, jaded and bitter and still so in love that she couldn't admit to anyone else that she still kept his albums, because it hurt too much just to say his name. It was three minutes and thirty-seven seconds exactly. But here, it would run three minutes and fifty-two seconds, because he liked to add some flourishes.

Even as the last note sounded across the bar, Caroline began to walk towards the bar. She knew the exact stool she had sat on that night. There was a tear in it, one that had been mended, but it was the same rusty red color, and even though she hadn't sat on one of these stools in years, something about it still felt like coming home.

Something about it made everything seem colorful again, even though the dim light of the bar meant it was even darker than it had been outside without the sun.

"Do you ever think of me?"

Those hadn't been the first words he'd ever spoken to her. Those had been "let me get that" and it had turned into... her biggest mistake? Her greatest regret? It had been both and everything in between at different points over the years.

But that had been then, and no matter that she might have felt nineteen again for those few brief moments the song had played, it had been a sweet dream, but nothing more. Years had passed, and this was now.

"Every day," she replied, because even at their worst, they had never lied to each other. They had said cruel, bitter words - but every one of them had been the truth. "Do you ever think of me?"

"I wrote an entire album about you, Love."

"That was five years ago. It won you the Grammy." Caroline hadn't ordered, but the bartender brought her a rye with gingerale. In front of Klaus, he put a glass of water. "That's new."

"That's not," he nodded at her own drink. "But Hank's never forgotten a drink order in his life. If you'd prefer something else, best tell him now. Perhaps a nice pinot."

Caroline took a sip of the rye, and tried to remember when she had ordered it last. It had been years. She had clung to it as the last reminder of a small town life, but somewhere along the way she had discarded that girl entirely. She'd held too many memories, and Caroline had wanted to pretend to be someone else. Someone that had never felt pain before in her life.

Stefan had never complained; he liked that he hadn't had to put any actual work into them.

"I hear there's an engagement in the making," Klaus said after a few beats of silence. "Congratulations."

"Tomorrow, you'll hear that there's a divorce. Maybe. I don't think any of my people have actually talked to Damon or Elena's people." She discarded the straw entirely and drained the glass, then tapped the edge, so Hank would refill it. "He slept with her."

Another long pause, and then, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"No you're not," Caroline replied with an inelegant snort. "I thought honesty was the one place we never went wrong. Things really do change."

She sounded angry. And bitter.

She was angry and bitter.

She should be angry and bitter with Stefan, because he was the one that ruined everything. They'd had a good thing going, and he'd tossed it aside because he couldn't stay away from his brother's wife. But she still felt nothing about that situation.

But Klaus... she'd felt many things for Klaus. Nothing had never been in the cards between them.

"I'm sorry he hurt you," Klaus corrected, and that, Caroline thought, might actually been true.

"He didn't," she replied simply. "I never gave anyone that power. Not after you."

There were so many words unspoken between them. They hadn't been able to say them back then, and now they were stuck in their throats and making them both choke. Or maybe she was the only one choking.

Klaus was just looking at her, the same way he always had.

"I shouldn't have come here," she said as Hank gave her the refill. But she didn't pick it up and toss it back the way she wanted to. Because Klaus still had just water in front of him, and she wasn't sure if she was proud or hurt, and she was afraid of what words she would unleash on him if she had another. "I don't know why I came here."

"Don't you?"

He always smirked at her like that, when he thought she was lying to herself and he knew all the truths in the world. It was a confrontational smirk that had always made her irate.

"Why did you stop drinking?" she shot back with the same confrontational tone.

"Because I didn't stop back then, and I lost you. And when Elijah managed to pull me out of the bottle I was trying to drown myself in, he made me realize that if I ever wanted you again, I would have to pull myself out and face the consequences of what I'd done sober."

Caroline swallowed, and pushed her rye a little further away.

"You never said anything about wanting me back."

"I wrote an entire album. And you never said anything."

She had been with Stefan by then, trying to ignore the album that had been everywhere, because she'd read it as a good-bye letter. To what they once had. In the end, she'd bought it, because ignoring it had been impossible, and Klaus had always had a way with words that spoke to her in ways beyond their relationship.

"If I said I wanted you to take me away," she said slowly, testing each word out carefully as she said it. "What would you do?"

"Where do you want to go?"

It wasn't a direct answer, yet it was. Klaus had never been a pushover in their relationship. There were things he liked to control. He had his preferences. But he'd always taken a sort of glee in giving her her heart's desire.

"Can you take me back to who we were a decade ago?" she asked, heart aching with bittersweet memories. "Give us a do over?"

"Do you think it would change anything?"

No, of course. Because in the end, the issue hadn't been them. It had been the bottle that was always between them, and Klaus had already started down that path before Caroline had ever met him. It made her ache for the boy he had been before they had ever entered each other's orbit.

It made her heart ache for the naive fools they'd been, the ones that had met too late, and because of that never really stood a change. Not with who they'd been, individually and together.

"I miss you," she said at last, and she found herself leaning into his side, his arm wrapping around her waist. How many times had they sat there, just like that? Too many to count. "That's the real answer - do I think of you? Yes, and I miss you."

"You've never been the type to run, Caroline. Not until you've no other options - I know that best. But if you'd let me, I'd stand by you."

"I didn't. Stand by you. You're being too nice, Klaus. You're shitty at being nice."

His chuckle made his chest rumble, and she felt him press a kiss to her hair. Part of her, the jaded part, told her this was just the magic of the bar. That it had swept her back in time, but as soon as they left the bar, the world would be dulled again.

The other part of her, the girl with bright eyes and hope in her heart said that the world was never dull around Klaus. It never had been - and L.A. had always been the city of second chances.

"You would of, had I let you. But I was an ass. I still am. I'm just a sober ass with clearer vision."

And Caroline, who had stopped listening to that dead girl inside of her looked up at Klaus, and she'd done the one thing she hadn't done since the last time she'd been in this exact position. She hoped.

And she took a chance.

"Stand by me, then."

And outside, the sun broke through the clouds, throwing color back into a city that had seemed to be lacking it for far too long.

#Klaroline #kcbingo2020 #goldcaught #Klaroline fic

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ispiderdudei · 4 years

Text

Only-part five

prologue part one part two part three part four part five

dad! Tom Holland x OC

only masterlist

my masterlist

Summary: Tom was living his dream as a rising star in Hollywood for the past six years. Even though it was everything he ever wanted he missed everything that he left behind. His family back in London. His best friend who’s career had also taken off and though they were roomates they never had time for one another. His first love that was torn apart by a dumbass decision. He wished he could take it all back. All the stupid decisions he made in the past that could have been the other way around if he choose the right choice. What happens when he wakes up one day in the life he should have chosen?

warnings: nervous Tom, kinda fluff, Blythe being a smol bean, um yeah that's about it

word count: 3289

authors note: I feel like everyone of these I have an excuse on why I'm late to post. Well, it’s because I’m a senior in high school who has to apply to a million scholarships so I don't have to worry about student loans, but I’ll survive:) I also am taking three college classes and ironically English is the one that is killing me. I thank you for your patiences and wish me luck. Idk when the next part will come out but don't worry it’s happening. Also you know, just feel free to send me an ask anytime like I don’t mind (PSA this is my favorite look ever pic is definitely not mine)

After Blythe’s little incident and a good ten minutes of Lennon tending to her daughters small wounds they finally were able to calm her down before making their way back to the party. Tom was still overwhelmed by what happened earlier and it made every worse case scenario run through his mind. It was mostly about how he imagined Lennon finding out. The more he thought about telling her the more he backtracked his plan all together. Tom wasn’t going to tell her today. He knew that for sure, but that didn’t mean he could wait forever. Tom didn’t know exactly how this scenario would play out but he really didn’t want to at the least. He didn’t want Lennon to hate him and he also didn’t want her to act like she forgave him automatically.

He decided he needed to find the right opportunity because that’s what is best for everyone. He needed to wait it out because he still didn’t know if it was permanent, so why would he jeopardize it. If Blythe had come in a few moments later he would be hating himself even more. No matter how much he wondered if Lennon's lips were still as sensational as he remembered them to be. Another part of him wondered if he felt guilty just being so close to having an intimate moment with her how much more of that would build up inside of him.

Lennon brushes the curls out of her daughter's hair one last time before giving her a soft smile, “Are you going to be okay now?” The girl sniffed and nodded watching her mother stand up. Lennon turned to Tom giving him a sorrowful look and it made him panic even more because he knew what it was for.

Lennon and Tom grabbed the food while Blythe trailer behind them as they all walked back outside. Tom noticed more people than he did before, but that was because he just wasn’t paying attention earlier when he walked in with Xio. He saw many faces familiar, new, and old. It made his mind wonder on how the hell he was going to converse with them and still take on the persona of this other Tom. It was easier for him to talk to Harrison and Xio because they knew it wasn’t him. It wasn’t easy to talk with Lennon, but he was comfortable in the small conversations they have had so far.

“Can I go back to playing,” Blythe asked her mother in a more chipper mood looking at a few kids that Tom didn’t recognize.

Lennon nodded looking down at her. Blythe smiled rushing over to them stumbling a little. “Be careful please,” Lennon yelled at her letting out a sigh, “That child is a spitting image of you, I swear.”

Tom looked at Lennon shaking his head, “She’s a hundred percent you.” He meant every word their daughter was definitely a copy Lennon from the short time Tom knew her. Blythe didn’t have to do much to tell Tom that she was Lennon’s daughter because she was so much like her. He didn’t have to think about the fact that she had the same physical features as him but her mannerisms were like her mother’s.

Tom couldn’t remember much from his childhood. Well, he couldn’t remember some things, but he did remember Lennon. She was always so happy and full of energy. She never seemed to slow down and kept him on his toes when he was around her. When something sad would happen she would be back to herself in no time. Blythe proved that to Tom just mere seconds ago when she was a mess and then went straight to her task before she got hurt. It was almost scary how much their personalities were almost the same.

Lennon just scoffed at Tom rolling her eyes, “You only say that because you’re too stubborn to realize she is a girl version of you.”

“You can’t tell me that child who is stopping to pick the dandelion to make a wish is mini me,” Tom asked as he watched the five-year old stopped dead in her tracks looking down at the weed before picking it up and holding it tightly with one hand squeezing her eyes shut as the children rush pass her before blowing it out with the biggest smile on her face.

Lennon let out a laugh, “Well, I remember both of us doing that if I do recall.”

Tom smiled softly, “I’m glad I did because most of my wishes came true.” Well not exactly for him but the other him. You’ve learned by now Tom has always had the biggest crush on Lennon no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it. Lennon liking him back was a shock and he never expected her to return the feelings no matter how many times Haz told him to grow a pair and ask her out. She was too perfect for him

Lennon gave him a sly smile rolling her eyes, “You were always one for cheese Tom.”

Tom shrugged, “What can I say?

“Ah, Thomas, nice to see you not overthinking things,” a thick Irish accent said behind him making the hairs on the back of his neck. Tom knew it anywhere because it was one he had to reason with when was dating Lennon and to be honest it still gave him anioxty to this day.

The funny thing about Lennon’s father, Alex, is that he is the living embodiment of James Bond, Pierce Brosnan’s version, of course. One of his most fond memories of Lennon’s father is when Lennon, him, and Harrison went to see Mamma Mia in the Cinema. He took Lennon home after and he was face to face with the man when walking her to the door swearing he would break out into a song by ABBA at any given moment, or run off with some Meryl Streep doppelgänger to Kalokairi. He would never do that to his wife though. They were far too in love.

It wasn’t that Tom enjoyed Lennon’s father’s company it’s just something you don’t exactly need when you have everything else running through your mind. Having to deal with the man he had been afraid of since he started dating Lennon wasn’t at the top of his list. He respected the man as much as he did his own father, but he knew that in his old life the man probably hated his guts. Tom won’t blame him for it because he would only blame himself. Hell, he already did.

Tom let out a nervous laugh that didn’t have to be forced because his he was so anxious he was scared Alex would sense something off about him because it has happened many times before. The man was like a bloodhound on a search for its owners next game while on an afternoon hunt. “Well I am trying. Being laid back was a goal I have for the new year of my life.”

Lennon's father took a sip of his drink before winking and pointing at Tom mere seconds after the glass left his lips. “That’s always been a good goal of yours. Glad you are finally living up to it.”

“Awe, come on dad, Tom has already been doing that,” Lennon beamed looking at her husband making Tom give her a timid smile. Alex gave him a look that Tom has seen before.

He was having serious déjà vu and it wasn’t the good kind. It was like a happier version of the memory before and Tom was slightly scared. The memory was when Tom asked for her father to approve him asking Lennon for his hand in marriage. They were never engaged when they called things off but Tom wanted to do it so desperately.

It was at a dinner party Nikki decided to hold for something Tom couldn’t quite remember, but he did at the time. It was only them and a few family friends nothing too special; him and Lennon were a few months into their relationship that still felt surreal to Tom.

He knew he needed to talk to Alex and he was scared out of his mind. He feared rejection the most because he knew the man hardly trusted him when he was just friends with his daughter. Lennon was off with Xio and a few other girls that were invited and Tom took the chance. He saw him standing on the porch talking to his father and knew it was now or never.

Taking a deep breath he walked over to the tall Irishman trying his best to not stumble and fall on his face while on the way to ask the man the question that will change his future. As he approached closer Tom had second thoughts but he tried his hardest to hide them so it wouldn’t get the best of him. He was sticking to his plan no matter how much he wanted to not ask all together.

Alex noticed Tom approaching upon first glance and gave him a smile. Tom looked between the two men giving them both a nod while putting his hands in his pockets.

“Lennon leaves you alone for a couple of minutes and you don’t know what to do, am I right Thomas?” Alex said smiling down at him earning a laugh from Dominic.

Tom smiled nervously, “Uh, no, actually I came over here to talk to you about something. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Not at all,” Alex reassured him, “This old man was just getting a good point around about London’s traffic laws.”

Dominic shook his head, “I’m sure we can continue our political debate later. Perhaps over another game of golf. I can play easier so I don’t win.”

“I think that’s how you play naturally Holland,” Alex playfully said back earning a laugh from Dominic.

Tom’s father looked towards the kitchen at his mother who was motioning for some assistance from him and let out a site tucking his hands in his pockets, “I suppose the spouse is calling me. Perfect timing for you, Tom.” He gave both his son and Alex a nod before walking off.

Tom gulped, he hoped it wasn’t noticeable to the man standing in front of him because if he knew how terrified he was there was no telling on what he was going to say in their next conversation.

Alex slung his arm around tom’s shoulder patting letting out a chuckle, “Your father is something Thomas. Maybe that's why I like you so much.” It was something said so simple, but it gave Tom a spark of hope and eased his nerves at the thought of Lennon’s father liking him. “Now, my boy, what is it you need to talk to me about,” Alex asked as he lead tom to a secluded part of the Holland’s yard stopping looking down at him as he waited patiently for Tom to speak.

Tom stood a little taller than normal adjusting his jacket as he tried to relax his shoulders, “I, uh… well sir you are well aware I have liked your daughter for a while. Even before we were dating.”

Alex narrowed his eyes at Tom. It wasn’t out of anger, no, far from it. He was doing it because it seemed he was trying to piece together at what Tom was getting at. Alex is an intelligent intellectual that can seem to figure things out quickly and it usually was a problem or a person that he was able to solve. Tom, however, was scared to say anything before the man spoke. He felt like he was constantly trying to impress the man. “I’m well aware of you’re infatuation for my daughter, yes. You two have been dating for a while I hope you’d at least expect me to notice.”

Tom’s eyes widened, “O-of course, Sir. I had no doubt that you are i-in-informed of Lennon and I.”

The man let out another deep throat chuckle, “Now Thomas, you don’t need to act nervous around me we’ve known each other for quite some time and I think it's only fitting for you to not stress so much around me.”

But that was the thing, everything that was going through Tom’s mind at the moment was making him nervous. What he was doing could make or break him and Lennon’s relationship. He was scared shittless to say the least. He cleared his throat hoping years of acting school and control of his voice could help him the situation he was in, “Well, you see, what I’m going to ask might.”

“What would that mean,” Alex asked his voice laced in concern. It caught tom by surprise. It only made tom’s mind wonder to Alex thinking the worst-case scenario. “Is there something you need to tell me Thomas.”

It was that look.

Tom let out a nervous laugh, “I guess I said that wrong and can see where you are interpreting what I’m saying as something negative, but I promise it's not.”

The olderman placed his hands on his hips, “Well go on.”

Tom took a deep breath, “Well let me start out by saying I love your daughter more than anything. I think she is breathtaking and her flaws are just as beautiful as her perfections. Lennon has taught me how to stay grounded through everything and has given me more second chances than I could count. She is amazing and has this presents about her that makes me want to know than I already do about her. Even our relationship started as friends she is always proving that she is the one that I’ve always wanted to have a life with as I grow older. I know your gonna say we are too young and that I’m crazy for even thinking you’d say yes. And believe me I have prepared myself for your rejection-”

“Yes.”

Tom didn’t even processes Alex’s reactions. “I just want you to know that I’m not going to stop asking, because I know she is my future. Not some stupid movie deal or another musical opportuinity… What?”

“Yes, Thomas you have my blessing.”

“You’re serious.”

“I can take it back if you like and say no,” Alex state bluntly.

“No!” Tom said a little too loudly making some of the people close to them turn to the sudden raise of his voice. He cleared his throat, “No. I uh- I just- I didn’t think that would work out so well.”

“For Christ sakes,Thomas, don’t tell me you have flashcards prepared.”

Tom let out another laugh, “Something like that yeah.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “You try too hard. I do trust you, Thomas, because Lennon trust you. Do I think I’m crazy for approving for my daughter to marry so young? Yes, but I rather it be with you than some son of a bitch that I know wasn’t good for her.” He looked over Tom’s shoulder and smiled.

“Hi dad,” he heard from behind him, “Tommy.” The two men didn’t say anything. “Did I interrupt something?” Lennon raised an eyebrow before intertwining her fingers with Tom.

“Not a thing Lennonbug,” Alex said smiling at his daughter proudly before giving the same look to Tom.

This was everything he wanted.

However, he didn’t want to think about the look Alex was giving him right now, “How have you been improving Thomas?”

Tom’s palms were sweaty as Lennon gripped his arm. This wasn’t him being scared shitless asking her father to marry her. This was him being scared shitless on what to say to the man in front of him in an opposite way. “Just… going with the flow…” Tom mentally cursed himself because he would never say that.

Both of them gave Tom an odd look before looking at each other. Before either one of them could speak on Tom’s choice of words the voice of Nikki came from the front porch, “Okay everyone lunch is ready. Let’s hurry and eat before Harry dies of starvation.” Before everyone could trample over to the plastic table outside that was filled with a full buffet Nikki stopped them, “But before we do so we should congratulate Tom for achieving all that he has. I’m proud of you for blessing me with the two most adorable children and the best daughter in law a mother could ask for.”

Tom smiled at his mother nodding in appreciation placing a hand on Lennon’s back. “Thanks Mum,” there was a slight pause as if everyone expected him to say something else, “What are we all standing around for let’s eat, I’m famished.”

The guests cheered before making there way to the table. Blythe ran up to Tom grabbing a hold of his had pulling him towards the crowd of people waiting in line, “Come on Daddy we need to hurry up if you want to get something to eat.”

Lennon laughed at the little girl, “Hang on little bird we need to wait for our turn. There are still going to be quite a bit of food left by we get to the table.” She turned to Tom, I’m going to get Eli and make sure you don’t put too much on her plate. We don’t need the incident we had at the twins party. As for you,” she turned to her daughter, “ You need to at least have a few vegetables on your plate if you want any cake.”

“Okay, Mummy,” Blythe let out another annoyed groan tugging Tom’s had more. Making him

practically stumble to the line of family and friends.

The party unfolded like any other everyday gathering with Tom able to avoid questions his brothers threw at him throughout lunch. Most of which were covered by Xiomara, and the slight uncomfort he felt when Lennon got up to go get something from the kitchen didn’t help his current situation.

Just when Tom thought he couldn’t bare his siblings grilling him about his current life a sense of relief came over him as the voice of Lennon came through the back door. Her smile was as bright as the glow of the candles lit brightly on the cake she was holding. Her voice carried the familiar tune as everyone else around him began to sing happy birthday.

Lennon set the cake down in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder making him tense up. He made sure to not flinch so much. Being put in a situation that might make everything go away the next day made Tom start to panic. What was he supposed to do in this situation? Everyone tuning into the song with their gaze on him. Blythe plopping down next to Tom leaning over looking in awe at the pastry in front of her father.

“Make sure you wish for something good daddy,” The little girl whispered as the short song came to an end. He knew that but what the hell was he supposed to wish for. She looked over at him with her doe eyes, “Can I blow them out with you?”

Tom gave her a tight smile nodded allowing her to slide into his lap as everyone huddled around them. Tom shut his eyes and told himself to just live in the moment. With Blythe’s weight shifting in his lap and the feeling of Lennons hand on his shoulder this moment couldn’t have been more perfect. He couldn’t wish for this life to last but he could just let it temporarily engulf him with happiness.

That was his wish to just see what happens next with what could have been.

taglist: @let-me-luve-you @lemondropirwin @afterglowparker @underooshields @mybitchborky @theamuz

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fluidityandgiggles · 4 years

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Dalton Big Bang day 2 - You’re Healing Too

Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link

Notes: So I honestly thought this one was going to feature Johnny heavily, but guess not... but well, it just gives me room for a sequel!

"Give him a break, Westwood. He's adjusting to his new pills." There was a bit of silence then, as Logan chose to adjust his position. "He does that sometimes. I just let him be."

Logan struggled to fall asleep. In fact, he's struggled with it for years, only recently getting the confirmation that it was a result of his rapidly deteriorating mental health; but nowadays it was… less about his mental health, and more about… nightmares. And waking up in a cold sweat every time. And sometimes just pure inability to even fall asleep, for some reason. Could it be that he got on tumblr…? Can he really blame tumblr for his lack of sleep?

Well, Dr. Rosenfeld seems to think so, and who's he to argue with his psychiatrist, right?

Such was… not the case for the past few days, though. Just as Julian has been going to therapy more, physical and psychological and any form of therapy, Logan has as well. The fire finally got it through Johnny's head that maybe, just maybe, Logan could use a bit more help than being force-fed pills that don't work and told to work it out. That was when they seeked out Dr. Rosenfeld, who actually read through Logan's diagnosis, and prescribed him Ritalin and some other cocktail and told him to get diagnosed all over again when he's nineteen.

She also referred him to a therapist. And his therapist was good, and he does feel like it's all working, but…

The actual reason he hasn't slept in five fucking days, thank you rambling but move aside, is that he's had nightmares and heightened anxiety about... well, about his father.

School opened again now. Sure, nothing much changed… at least in his perception of things. Han is still keeping tabs on everyone, pathfinder is still happening, he's still going to school and he got accepted to Harvard, early admission and everything. Derek is still around, most of the time. He's still making music. Julian still wants to hang out with him.

They've gone on… one, date? Like… Logan picked him up from the airport this morning. And they went out for sushi after school. And they talked about calling it a date, under other circumstances maybe, maybe once they're both older and wiser and maybe Julian still has feelings for Logan and maybe Logan would have for Julian as well, and there were a lot of hypothetical questions rising in that conversation. Julian actually got tired of it pretty quickly. It was Logan's fault. He knows it's his fault.

But… yeah. Half a date. Not too bad for two kids in need of therapy.

Oh god, he keeps derailing his own thoughts… what is he doing? What's happening here?

"Julian…?"

Julian turned to look at him, sending his brain haywire. This is a pretty boy right there. He let Logan nap in his bed. They've had their differences before, but they talked through it. They still do, like, all the time. He's still angry at Julian, at all the insults thrown his way; he didn't realize how angry he truly was until he started therapy. But… they're working on it, both of them. Realizing their common language. Still have a long way to go but the sheer fact that Julian is willing to try…

Of course Logan is trying too, it wouldn't mean shit if he didn't, but…

"Yeah?"

"What… what are we?" Julian just laughs. "No, really. We… we're working on getting better, with ourselves and with each other, and obviously we're still friends and all, but, I just…"

"You want to know if we're a thing, is that it?"

Logan just nods. That's… all he can do, really.

"Well… we're friends, so that's a thing. And… we just went on a date today, didn't we?"

"I thought you didn't want to call it that."

"You're the one who brought it up, though. Not me."

"That's… why I'm asking."

Julian lets out a laugh, playing with Logan's hair now. "I don't mind calling it a date… but what is it actually about? It can't be just the semantics."

"...you know how my dad is coming to regionals this year?"

"Yes, I've heard you talk about it a lot actually."

"And… and also Hell Night?"

Something in Julian freezes as Logan mentions that. Shivers run down his spine, and almost as if Logan can feel it, he jumps up and his eyes go wide as he goes into a stream of apologies.

"No, no, it's not that! Logan, please—"

"I didn't mean to bring it up, I—"

"Logan, I'm fine! Dude. Squid. It's not what you think."

"Please tell me if you— what?" He frowns, sitting down. "So… what is it?"

"I… just really don't want to see your dad. I don't want you to see your dad. Logan, you're healing too, you don't need him around right now!"

"Okay, but… here's the thing. He's actually trying. He wants to try to make this better, and I just want to... "

"Logan, look at me." Julian turns his head to look in his eyes and oh shit, he's whipped. "Your father needs to get his shit together. He's a homophobic, Republican piece of shit and absolutely not worth your time."

"He's still my father, Julian. It's not going to change any time soon. Not to mention, he pays for my pills."

Julian rolls his eyes, making Logan's heart take a dive deep to the pits of his stomach and never to be seen again. And then he's playing with his hair again and sighing and looking so, so disappointed.

"I never mean to upset you, Princess. What's gotten you so riled up?"

"I just… I hate your father. There, I fucking said it. He's been acting like a righteous brat since forever, I'm just… I'm appalled, okay? I love you. Don't give me that look, friends can love each other in a different way and still call it love. I just don't want to see you get hurt by that man again."

"Julian… again. He's my father."

"He's a prick, is what he is."

"Julian."

With a small huff, Julian gives up. He lets Logan go, rolls off the bed, goes to get a cup of water, and Logan becomes absolutely miserable.

He… he has a point. But…

"I don't think you get why it's so important to me—"

"I may not, but I don't care."

"I want his last impression of me before graduation to make a point," he finally admits, dropping back on the bed. "I… I'm going to Harvard, for fuck's sake. If I ever get to make music again it would either be for fun or playing at a dingy cafe, and that's not what I want. Jules… I've had nightmares, for weeks, about having to stop making music. I dream about becoming my father constantly. It's quite sickening at this point. So… yeah, my dad is actually making an effort, but… I'm asking you. Please, please, please give it a chance and stay by me as I do it. I need you."

...after all the mind rambles, he finally figured out why he has nightmares. Good on you, Logan.

"...okay… so we agree that you can't just forgive your father like that?"

Logan nods, and Julian smiles, and walks over to kiss his forehead and hug him again, cup of water still in hand.

"Good. I will never let you get hurt this way. I promise."

"I will never let you get hurt either, dork."

"I know. Between you and Derek, I doubt anything would happen," he jokes, laughing a bit dryly. "Well, happen again."

"Yeah…"

"...hey, how do you feel about a Meryl Streep movie marathon?" Julian settles back in bed, hugging Logan again.

"I'm okay, but we have to get Derek in here or he won't let us hear the end of it."

"Oh, absolutely. But I get first pick."

"Whatever floats your boat, Princess."

#kylo cant write #Daltonfic #daltonficbigbang #stuart #jogan #Logan is a nerd but a nerd with nightmares #and Julian can be soft when he wants to be #look at dem gays go

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ficstogo · 5 years

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This Part in Life

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Summary: Being a stripper was hard but you had people to back you up. You didn’t think that part of your life would ever be brought up again, especially in times like these

Word Count: 5613

Warnings: Language, Suggestive themes,

A/N: I was working on another Daryl fic and thought that that one would take long to write, so I decided to work on this one which in actuality turned out longer, both in length and time, into writing.

Your family knew of what you’ve done before the turn and they were understanding and accepting of it. You were all too busy trying to survive to go around judging each others pasts. You were grateful for it. They didn’t see you any less, if anything, they saw you as an important part of them that they need to survive as you were their go-to for defense. You needed them and they needed you and that was that.

But when Daryl found out what you have done, it was different. He couldn’t look you in the eyes, he talked to you less than before and he didn’t talk to you all that much from the start. You got sick of it and so when you two were partnered up for a run it was an awkward silence all the way there and it got on your last nerve.

“Is there anything bothering you, Daryl?” You asked in a mocked curiosity.

“The hell you talkin’ ‘bout?” He said pretending to be vigilant and safe as he looked straight ahead at the road.

“I’m sorry, I meant to say is there’s something bothering me, Daryl, and I feel like I gotta share.” You turned to him with squinted eyes that were ready to stare at him into oblivion.

“Well, it can wait when we get back, alright.”

“No no no no no. Because by the time we get home, you’re gonna avoid me as much as possible and because of that, we won’t talk about what’s bothering me. So you either let me share my feelings or I swear, I’ll knock the hell outta of ya.”

“Dammit, woman, ya gotta be so violent all the time?” He yapped back in equal attitude. If you two weren’t so hot headed and stubborn you would’ve gotten along just fine.

“Well I gotta with the way things are now and I had to with me as a stripper.” you said casually looking back at the road and then back at Daryl as you tried to bait him. There. That’s it. You can see Daryl get rigid and you knew that you weren’t imagining it. He definitely didn’t like the stripper bit.

You let out a huff and went back to giving him furrow brows and eyes that could slaughter a man. “Oh my god…” He only takes a quick peek at you as he continues to drive on. “Do actually have a problem with me being a stripper back then?!”

“No.”

“Then why the hell can’t you look me in the eyes?” You see him lick his lips and his eyes bop back and forth like a match of ping pong. “Are you that much of an asshole that what you know now has lost your respect for me?” It hurt. Usually it didn’t but this time it did and it was because this man, who was now your family, didn’t see you as the strong woman that you see yourself as.

“That ain’t it.” He responded firmly.

“Then what is it?” You ask in a calmer tone.

“It’s cause I’m trying to show you respect.”

“By not talking to me? By not looking at me as a person?”

He took a moment to think up how to word his response. “Yes. I thought if I did, I’d be invading your bubble. That I’d be invading you as a person.” That’s when you understood. He didn’t treat you that way because he lost his respect for you but because he had no idea how to interact with women like that. He was like a little boy that was caught with something naughty and was showing his mom he was a good boy. He was just showing that he was a good guy and he was trying his hardest not to make you uncomfortable.

You looked back at the road ahead and processed what he said. “Well, you’re doing a real shit job of it…” Daryl took a small peek at you as he felt his mood change. He was trying and somehow it still wasn’t good enough. What was he supposed to do now? “I know you’re a good guy Daryl and I know you wouldn’t do anything to make me feel off. I mean, you’ve never given me a reason to be nervous or cautious around you. If anything, I feel safer around you, even if I can hold my own. You’re better than the guys I use to handle and trust me, if I handled you, you’d know you’ve done something wrong.” He peeked at you once more and then nodded his head, his hand moving up to cover his mouth. He was glad that you didn’t feel threatened by him because he wanted to take care of his family and he couldn’t risk having someone run off whenever they’re stuck with him or in this case, he didn’t want to have you hate his guts especially when he was trying to make you as comfortable as possible.

“It’s just, this thing that you’re doing right now, doesn’t make me feel all that great. I feel like…one of them, like something lower than dirt and that’s not how I want to be treated.” This time Daryl fully turns his head to look at you, giving you a closer look. Of course you don’t want to feel like that and he should know better.

The rest of the ride was quiet but the atmosphere has shifted. It was better. It felt as if there was improvement.

“So why’d you try so hard to make me feel all comfy and whatever?” You asked as you scouted behind Daryl for any danger coming your way. “I mean, there’s Carol and that whole thing at the farm, Carl and Rick with Lori, Glenn, Maggie, Beth, Hershell…There are plenty of people that could use your sweet Dixon comfort.”

He shrugs his shoulders as he continues to walk ahead with his crossbow aimed in front. You had a jovial tone when asking your question so you were more or less expecting him to tease back a bit but he seemed to want to be sheltered from the question, that is until he finally answered. “I dunno know, guess ‘cause it’s probably something you dealt with for a long while, unlike the others.” It made sense now that he said it. You were ready to take his answer as is until he went further into it.

“Meryl use to make me go to the strip club with ‘im. Not really my kinda place but he used to love to pick up women there. They were okay with it but there were times I’d seen other guys get handsy with ‘em and…” He paused as he looked around the corner of the building making sure not to get ahead of himself as he went down memory lane. “It made feel weird all over seein’ ‘em bein’ treated like that ya know?” You just smiled to yourself as your assumption of Daryl were correct. He is a good guy, just the way he was talking about it was proof enough to you.

And Daryl felt he owes you an explanation. Usually he wouldn’t try but the look in your eyes when you explained how he made you feel was enough to apologize to you in that way. He understood how you felt and he didn’t need anyone else feeling that way.

“I get it. I mean, a job’s a job but I did make a few friends from it and everytime I see a guy asking them to sit on their lap when they tell them they don’t want to or how they touch them when they’re strictly not allowed too, it really does boil my blood. I’d do the kicking to the curb but then again I needed the job. So yeah, I get how it feels sometimes to stand around and do nothing.”

It goes silent again as Daryl processes what you say. That’s what it is, wasn’t it? That he just let them rough up those girls and he didn’t bother to do anything? Because he didn’t want to ruin Merle’s fun? Or maybe because he was that much of bitch back then to try. He didn’t know exactly but he understood another bit of himself right now. All thanks to you.

After arriving to the convenient store that you both planned to scope out, killing the only two walkers that were in there, Daryl only had one question. He didn’t know why he needed to know the answer to it but he wanted to ask either way. He just hoped you wouldn’t snap at him for letting his curiosity take over. “I noticed that whenever Merle brought them over, they always left with some extra cash….Did you ever use ta, ya know…”

“Hell no, I mean, I knew I was in hard times but I didn’t want to give myself up like that, especially to men that don’t deserve it.” He looks at you as you cross the room to look through the shelves, you not noticing his wandering eyes. For some reason there was a smirk on his face. Maybe it was the fact that you were so strong now that he wanted to know if you were the same back then. It was nice to know that even after all of the world was down the drain, some people haven’t changed themselves or their principles.

“I already gave myself up to all of them on a pole, they don’t need to take another part of me after the show.” You can feel him being shoulder to shoulder with you as you looked towards him for what he wanted.

“I don’t think any less of you. I just didn’t want to be the reason for making you weak.” This time you nodded your head and gave him a small smile. As brief as he reasoning was, it was something that got the point across. It explained and answered all the questions you had on Daryl’s intentions and although you wouldn’t admit it, it was flattering to see Dixon trying to be all sweet, caring, and shy around you.

“Thank you. I…appreciate how much you care about this little bit of me.” He only nodded having reached his limit of sharing today. You both were now solid and by the time you two got back to the prison, the laws of nature on how yourself and a Dixon were to act had now changed.

From then on, you and Daryl understood each other to a level that the others couldn’t have reached with the both of you. Neither of you had even expected that to happen but it did and you both were fairly satisfied at the dynamic shift. The both of you understood the meaning of “rough” and therefore, there wasn’t a moment where you doubted each other’s understanding of feelings and past traumas. Not only that but you two felt as if you were each other’s equals and right now, those were hard to come by.

Although you two didn’t show how close you were or talk like friends would, you both know what you have and at the moment, you were fine how things are. You didn’t care what it was or what could be because you were living in the now and whatever happens in the now, happens. Darly didn’t mind it either. He understood what the two of you have and he rather not mess it up. It was some unspoken understanding that you two had each other and whenever one of you were overflowing with pain and emotion the other was there whether they wanted to talk about it or just be in the others company and usually it was the latter.

The move to Alexandria was strange. None of them fully understood what was going on out there and therefore they didn’t understand what was at risk. You didn’t bother trying to get to know any of them, right now, your family came first in this new environment. After Woodbury, the prison, Terminus, there was no time to get all comfortable. They were inviting and kind but you’ve seen that act before and It looked safe, sure, but for how long? You understood why you were all cautious but the people of Alexandria didn’t.

Eventually though, all of you calmed your jitters down for a bit and began to adjust the way Alexandria is. You all worked your assigned jobs and soon enough it started to feel like a place to really thrive. To really protect. It started to feel normal and as of now, you were in between on either feeling ok with it or not. At the moment you were heading back from the pantry in order to make yourself and the rest of your roommates dinner for the evening, carrying a small basket in one hand.

“Hey Y/N!” You stopped and turned around to the source of the unfamiliar voice with a curious frown on your face. There came a man jogging up to you as he tried to catch up. Now looking at him, you can tell he was definitely not familiar to you. “Glad I caught you there!”

“Yyyeah,” You looked him up and down with your brows continuing its downward voyage on your face. “I’m sorry but who are you?”

“We never were fully introduced. I’m Colby. I, uh, meant to try and come by and talk to you back at Deanna’s party but you left before I had the chance.” Seems right. You only stayed there for a few minutes as you still weren’t sure about Alexandria. Crowds weren’t your thing so you left as soon as no one noticed, at least, that’s what you thought. After that, Daryl was right out front and once he knew who it was who came out, you two headed for home together until Aaron offered dinner.

He stuck his hand out for you to shake as you only looked down and then back up at him. You slowly placed your hand on his to return the gesture, not taking the cautious look away from your face. He could feel the tension that you were emitting and nervously took his hand back.

“Right…Nice to meet you…” You say in an unimpressed tone. You already didn’t like him. He struck you as a prick but you knew better than to judge anyone instantly. It was a terrible habit of yours but it did prove to be a useful skill whenever you all ran into a stranger. Somehow you were always right of their character. “Listen, I gotta get back home and start dinner, so if you don’t mind…” You say wanting to cut your chat short as you didn’t want to spend anymore time trying to make small talk with someone you obviously didn’t sit well with.

Before you go any further, Colby grabs ahold of your wrist to turn you back to look at him. You only roll your eyes to see what lame discussion he desperately wanted to let out. “Um, ok,” He lets out a nervous airy chuckle. “Let me be honest, I think you’re gorgeous and I only wanted to ask if maybe you had a boyfriend or something before I, you know…” he shrugs. You give him an incredulous look as the notion shocked you. That’s it. Time to shut this down.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend and to be honest, I’d rather you not try to do anything to change that.” Pulling your wrist back to your side you walked to the direction of your shared home with a huff. There you go being right again.

“Right, sorry! I guess hot flings are more than what you’re used to!” He shouted from behind you as you can hear the smirk in his voice. Stopping in your tracks, you took a moment to process what he had just said. Tilting your head to the side, you processed that that was an insult.

You put the basket down by your feet, stood back up and then turned around to face him. You walked towards him with a bit more stomp in your feet. You smirked back at his pompous face playing along with what he was getting at and asked, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well I figured that since you used to be a stripper, you might just want one night stands. I knew a couple of strippers that were into that. I mean, obviously money’s useless now but I don’t mind just giving you a good time whenever you like.” You only smiled looking down at the ground and then back up to him as a laugh was released from you.

You stood back biting your lip with crossed arms. “Is that right?”

“Yeah. Dancing on a pole, you must be good in bed and I even bet they tipped you extra for it.” Your heart beat rapidly as you felt his hands land on your hips as he leaned in to whisper in your ear. “Olivia will do anything for me and I promise if you show me a good time, that dinner at your place would be like going to a five star restaurant.” That’s when he went to squeeze your ass with both his hands.

Your hands when to his shoulders to slowly push him away in order to give him a flirtatious look. He only looked at you with such assurance as if he knew how this would play out.

Colby fell to the ground the second your knee came in contact with his crotch and once he landed hard on the pavement you went right on top of him, giving him punch after punch. How dare he think of you in that way. How dare that he thought you were easy pickings. He reminded you of all the men in those clubs, the ones who bothered you, who bothered your friends. He reminded you of all the men you try to start a relationship with and the moment you disclosed that part of your life, they thought you would be a piece of cake. Colby reminded you of all the people that ever looked at you differently, that talked to you differently, that wouldn’t ever give you a second chance or even chance to start with. With each time your fist came in contact with him, you let out all the years of pain and anger that you kept in you as you never were able to let it out in the old world. Right now, Colby’s face was going to be the nice little outlet for your feelings.

You didn’t realize that Colby’s cries for help went deaf in your ears and the next thing you knew, there were strong arms wrapped around your waist and pulling you away. You thrashed and tried to fight your way back to him but as soon as sound was traveling back to your ears, you realized that it was Rick pulling you back and telling you that it was only him. He continued his hold until you were a good distance away from the crowd that you didn’t realize had circled around you two. From there, Rick told you to wait inside of the house while he try and calm everyone down.

Unlike you, Daryl was on high alert once he heard Colby’s cries. He instantly thought that a walker found their way inside but once he turned his head to the direction of the cries he noticed a crowd and he already knew what that meant. He and Merle had their fair share of fights so he went to see who the troublemakers were. Jogging over to who it was his sight caught Carl who was standing a good distance away from the commotion. “Hey, what’s goin’ on?” Carl whipped his head with startled eyes and opened his mouth to answer but before he could his father beat him to it as Daryl witnessed Rick pulling you away with limbs flying like a feral animal. Daryl instantly went to protective mode as he pushed his way through. There were people helping Colby pull himself up. A black eye, some bruises and blood coming from his nose as well as a couple of cuts to adorn his face.

“What’d you do!?” Daryl said with his chest puffed out and a shove to greet Colby. The anger was burning behind his eyes as he huffed out some air like a raging bull ready to advance.

“What did I do!? Don’t you mean what did she do!? Did you not see how she just attacked me! Look at my damn face!” He exclaimed as he pointed to it to make sure Daryl was actually looking.

“Nah, she wouldn’t do shit like that unless she had too! You done somethin’ to her, now what the hell was it!?” His fingers tightly gripped the front of Colby’s shirt as he pulled him close to his face, letting him know he wasn’t playing any games.

“The damn bitch flipped! I only asked if she wanted to hook up!”

“And?!”

“And?! Listen man, I don’t know if you heard the news but she was a stripper and God knows I wasn’t gonna let that slip by! I just offered her more rations as compensation!” Down the ground Colby went as Daryl delivered a right hook directly on his black eye. He goes at him for a bit until he pulls him back up “with his face up close to his and then gives another punch to his gut.

“She don’t owe you shit and she don’t need shit from you neither! You ever come near her again, yer walker bait!”

“Daryl!” There was a hand on his shoulder and he knew it was Rick trying to break up another fight. “Daryl! Put him down, he’s already been through the ringer once. Come on, man, let me handle this.” The only sound left was Daryl’s heavy breathing and his eyes destroying the confidence Colby once had. His fingers relaxed and his knuckles returned to their normal color once he dropped Colby to the ground.

He gives a pointed finger to Colby. “You ain’t shit. Yer just an asshole lookin’ for an easy target.” As soon as those left his lips, he spat at the ground near him. Stomping away, he picked up the basket that was left on the ground and headed towards the shared house.

Inside you were there pacing back and forth in the kitchen unaware of Daryl entering and placing your items on the counter. He didn’t announce his presence at first, he only watched you to see how you were doing and right now you seemed a lot more calmer than before. He walked up to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. You jumped slightly as you thought you were alone but calmed down once you knew it was just Daryl.

You looked down with your hands on your hips with the both of you standing in silence as Daryl decided to let you straighten up your thoughts. “How badly beaten is he?”

“Don’t think he’ll be seein’ too good outta his left eye for awhile.” He smirked. “How you feelin’?”

You shrugged and took a peek out the window. “Still feel like beating the shit out of him. For fun this time.”

“A violent woman you are…” You laughed looking down at the floor and then taking notice of Daryl’s right hand. It was slightly bruised with some small specks of blood on it.

You grabbed ahold of his hand inspecting his knuckles a little more. You only smiled as your thumbs rubbed softly against them, some of the blood smudging against his skin. You looked back up at him biting your bottom lip to hide your obvious joy. “Me? You went ahead to beat a man when he’s down.”

“So? He had it comin’ fer messin’ with ya.” He hid his eyes under his hair as you went back to soothing his knuckles with your fingers.

“Aw, you looking out for me…?” you teased.

“I am so sorry Y/N!” was the next thing you heard before Daryl had the chance to respond with both your eyes turning to a distraught Carl. You instantly let go of Daryl’s hand and took a step towards the boy scared of what exactly he was sorry for. “I swear I didn’t mean to just say whatever. I was just hanging out with the other kids and we were talking about what everyone did and I just thought that if I told them who we use to be, they wouldn’t be so scared of us and I guess Ron went and told-”

“Carl! Carl! It’s alright! I’m not mad because he knew who I used to be. I was mad because he knew what I use be and thought he could get something out of it. You didn’t do anything wrong.” You place a hand on Carl’s shoulder to comfort him. “I don’t care who else knows, If they start judging me well, it’s gonna be tough luck for them later on. You don’t have anything to worry about. Besides, I think all of Alexandria knows not to mess around with me on that.” You smirked. Carl let out the air that he was holding in as he nodded his head in understanding, his blue eyes turning from worry to calm waves in that moment.

“I’m still sorry. That was your story to tell to whoever you decide you want to talk to about it.” You only pull Carl in for a hug, upset that he worked himself up about it but happy to see that he was growing into an honest and brave man, something to definitely be proud of.

“It’s alright Carl. It’s fine.” Pulling away, you go ahead and tell him to hang out more with his friends, that dinner would be ready in a bit. He takes his leave and you stand there watching him go.

“You sure it’s fine?” Daryl asks as he watched the exchange happen in the background.

You snap out of it and turn around to face him. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’m gonna get dinner started. I’ll let you know when it’s done.” You give him a small smile. Despite your words and your movements, Daryl only thinks otherwise. You have things you still want to let out but he knew better than to push and pry, so he leaves you be with your distraction. Maybe you’ll come out with what you want to say when you’re ready.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Dinner was made, dinner was eaten, everyone had their downtime and off to their own rooms. Everyone found out what happened earlier in the afternoon and they didn’t know whether or not to bring it up and discuss but you looked to be in a better mood and in result, have simultaneously decided to not talk about it at all.

You were only in your room preparing yourself for bed but you couldn’t help but sit on the mattress and look out the window. For some reason, you thought you were okay after all that happened today. You kept telling yourself that. You even tried to forget that it happened at all but once you were finally alone with your thoughts on your bed, the facade finally came down.

It hurt. For some reason it still hurts even after all this time, even after all that’s happened. You didn’t even realized that you had tears streaking your cheeks until you heard a knock on the door. You scrambled to wipe your face clean, clearing your throat and then responding for them to enter.

You had your head away from noticing where your hands were. Daryl stepped in closing the door behind him softly. He only stood there not really knowing what to do. He never knew but it was you. And you don’t cry often but seeing you like this and knowing what it was about, it didn’t sit well with him to leave you like this. He walked up to where you sat but stayed at a distance to where you had your own space.

You looked up at him and he could see that you have definitely been crying. You just looked down in shame feeling ridiculous at how emotional you’re being. You could feel your bed dip down to the side slowly knowing that Daryl took a seat next to you with his hands clasped and his elbows resting on his knees. You only went on crying until you didn’t have anymore tears left and your sniffling subsiding.

Once the room went quiet with your crying ceased, Daryl was the first to speak up. “Feelin’ like shit, aren’t ya?”

“Was it obvious?” You said with a small chuckle as you wiped the remaining tears.

“Nah, just took a guess.” You only bumped shoulders with him so he would know you got his joke. All went silent again as you tried to gather your thoughts. You tried to pinpoint what the exact thought in your head caused you to fall apart.

“It still hurts. I mean, it’s bullshit to cry about because there are a lot more worse things that we gotta figure out but…I don’t know…it’s stupid…”

“Nah, it ain’t. You got every right to be upset. It’s been somethin’ you’ve dealin’ with for a better part of your life. I mean, I don’t know if you ever gave yourself some time to let it out but if you gotta, you gotta. It ain’t stupid, Y/N.” You only rested your head against his built shoulder, feel at ease from his words. Being the man that never really shared his thoughts and feelings as often as he should, the thought of him seeing you like this gave you the idea that he probably thought you were weak.

“I just…I don’t get it with other people….”

“Me neither.” You slithered your arm through Daryl’s, comforting yourself with his warmth. For some reason Daryl didn’t think anything of the contact like he usually would. He would usually flinch or pull away but he only melted when you touched him. He guessed it was because he knew deep in his subconcious that you wouldn’t do anything to harm him. He also took a guess to think that if he did, you would’ve taken it the wrong way and the last thing you need was having your friend wriggle his way out if your grip.

The both of you only sat there in each others comfort for a bit. Other good friends would actually talk things through but you and Daryl only needed each others company to get whatever it is you have off your chest.

“You always looking out for me?”

Daryl didn’t feel uncomfortable at the question like he did earlier. He only took a moment to think on how to answer it before he responded. His hand found yours and soon his fingers entangled with yours, gripping it tight.

“‘Course. Always have, always will. Too good to let anyone treat like shit. You deserve better,” You looked at his shy blue eyes while he looked back at yours. “Even if you think ya don’t.”

He wasn’t nervous. It was strange because he should have been. It was in his nature to be uncomfortable with affection as he never grew up with an affectionate family to teach him it was okay to display it but he wasn’t. He only felt the will and need to do so. He leaned with both of your foreheads touching and then his nose rubbing gently against yours. You didn’t realize your other hand went to rest on his cheek as your hot breath hit against his lips. And then a small peck was given to test the waters. You didn’t pull away so Daryl went in for another and then another until he left his lips against yours for much longer. You caved to this weakness and did what he couldn’t do soon enough and actually kiss him with your head tilted and taking more from him than what you thought he wasn’t able to give.

When you both pulled away, there was a sense of resistance. Neither of you wanted to back away because for some reason you felt that you both weren’t ready for the immediate aftermath. The afterthoughts. Daryl was worried he took advantage of you in your moment of weakness while you worried that you he kissed you because you looked like a kicked puppy that he needs to take care of.

At first you couldn’t look at each other in the eyes but it was too much pain in not knowing how the other was feeling, so you were the first to look up and he looked down at you. Daryl could feel your thumb rubbing against his cheek and though he couldn’t find the words to express how he felt, he simply placed his hand on top of yours, keeping you in place. You only closed your eyes not wanting this feeling to go away.

Daryl leaned his forehead against yours once more and both just closed your eyes enjoying the company that you two were in. He only gave you another small peck and then pulled you in for a well deserved hug. You held onto each other like this for awhile until you both fell asleep with yourselves still intertwined to each other.

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apparitionism · 5 years

Text

Mercury 13a

This is kind of old-school for me: the first part of a two-part part. A conversation spans, and is the bulk of, both parts. It’s lengthy, that conversation, and while it hits a few beats correctly, if actors were actually going to perform the thing, it would most likely need some serious workshopping—which, if the parts were cast appropriately, I would certainly enjoy witnessing. I tried linking to the previouslies, but tumblr disappeared me, so I’m reposting without links. The other 12 parts are quite findable, via my tumblr’s search or archive.

Mercury 13a

On the drive back to the hotel, Myka sat alone in the back seat, as she had the night before. She wasn’t quite sure how that had happened this time, but she had a sense of having been manipulated. By Pete, which was strange… but then he started talking. To Helena, in a very sincere tone of voice. Which was also strange.

“Hey H.G.,” he began, “I think it’s pretty sweet, how we figured out that Rosebud deal together.”

“Are you feeling all right?” Helena asked. Strange to her too, then.

“Come on, don’t hate on me.”

“I… don’t? Am not?”

“I’m trying to make nice, okay? Because now you know what I’m scared of, and I don’t want you getting any ideas.”

“You know what I’m afraid of as well.”

He snorted. “Nothing?”

“If that’s your pronunciation of ‘further revelations of a disturbing nature regarding what happened when my body housed a consciousness not my own,’ then yes.”

Pete didn’t answer immediately. Myka didn’t want to breathe, lest she distract him from getting wherever he was going, wherever he and Helena were going.

Eventually, he said. “Got it.” He paused again, then threw over his shoulder, “How you feeling back there, Mykes? Still got the upset tummy?”

So much for thinking something important might be happening. “I’m not a five-year-old,” Myka said. “My stomach is fine.”

He swerved, and she swallowed a wave of what was absolutely not nausea.

“Well, shave my head and call me Steve,” he said without glancing into the rear-view mirror.

Helena said, hurriedly—clearly to head off another swerve, which Myka appreciated—“On the topic of fear. Or an aversion, at the very least: why did it occur to you to change, of all things, Myka’s interpretation of sugar?”

“It’s like that time we told you about with the juggling and the hairbrush and all, how Myka knew we’d never in a million years have slept together,” he said to Helena, who responded with a muttered “thank god.”

“High five, right?” he enthused, holding up his hand. And Helena, who when she tried to high-five always looked like an anthropologist who found the idea of being a participant-observer intrinsically perverse, did in fact high-five him. “To check up on something for real,” he went on, “you go big. Little stuff might not matter. Might not show. We’d never sleep together. Myka would never think sugar was good for her.”

“I heard you just as loudly and clearly,” Helena pointed out. “Why didn’t it matter to me, I wonder?”

“You eat sugar all the time. Plus you sneak it. I’ve caught you raiding Steve’s secret stash of those S’mores Pop-Tarts, those ones Meryl-me would Method-midnight-snack her way through.”

“They aren’t secret. Everyone knows he keeps them in the leftmost cupboard on the far wall, middle shelf, behind the fondue pot, and he doesn’t mind others eating them as long as they replenish the supply. Which I did. Which everyone does.”

“Everyone?” Myka wondered aloud. Everyone was in a secret Pop-Tart snacking club? Including Meryl-Streep-as-Pete? Everyone?

Helena and Pete turned matching of-course-not-you eyerolls on her. “In any case,” Helena said, “my point is that I know—in fact, believe, for I fervently believe in science and its findings—that sugar has little to no nutritional value. So why didn’t I feel a difference, in terms of my beliefs?”

“Huh. That’s interesting.”

“My question?” Helena asked.

“No,” Pete said, and Myka was surprised when Helena didn’t react to what she normally would have taken as a slight. “What’s interesting is that Myka’s all science-y like you, but she didn’t figure it out, like how Ida sherlocked the rabbits.” He began to slap out a rhythm against the steering wheel—focused fidgeting. He was thinking. Finally, he said, “But also, maybe she really really really didn’t want to figure it out.”

Helena said, casually but not, as if she’d been waiting for him to reach this exact conclusion, “The enthusiastic consumption of pie would suggest.”

“Just to remind you both, I’m sitting here,” Myka said.

Helena shook her head. “Shh. Pete is doing philosophy.”

“Aha. That’s why my head hurts. And I’m hungry again.”

“We’ll be at the hotel soon, where you’ll order a pizza and recover,” Helena assured him.

“It’s like you’ve met me.”

“Certainly met the pizza delivery personnel. Paid them, in fact, at times.”

Pete turned his head away from the road to look at Helena, and the look lasted a little longer than Myka was comfortable with, from a safety perspective. Finally, with his gaze back where it was supposed to be, he said, “It’s true that maaaybe I haven’t given you full props for that kind of thing.”

“It’s true that maaaybe,” Helena echoed—and there was that awkward anthropologist again, for Helena rarely said “maybe,” and never said it like Pete did—“I have owed you that and more.”

A pause. Then: “I’m tired,” Pete said.

Helena nodded. “Understandable. Nap until your pizza arrives?”

“No, I mean, of all of it. Let’s just not anymore, okay? Any of it.”

Now Helena was the one to pause. “It’s an idea,” she said, slowly.

“Yeah, but I mean it. We worked this one out together. Let’s just.”

“You’re certain?”

“Who knows. All I do know is, I know what I’m scared of. And it ain’t you.”

Myka watched Helena look swiftly at Pete, then turn her face back to the dark road. “Good,” she eventually said. “All right. Good.”

He smiled. “No pullback on snark, though. For Claud’s sake—she’d whine about us being boring, and I’m pretty sure the main ingredient in any Recipe for Disaster is Claudia Donovan thinking she’s gotta start manufacturing her own entertainment.”

Another glance from Helena, this time accompanied by an answering smile. “Fair. Agreed, and fair.”

“The fair. Where it all just happened,” he said.

“It did.” She offered him a low five, and he patted her palm.

Myka was extremely unsure of how she was feeling about what she’d been witnessing… witnessing for most of this day, and now the nighttime too. It wasn’t quite a mirror image of yesterday and last night; instead a softening of those, like looking at them through a Vaselined lens.

At the hotel, instead of dashing away, Pete said, “You’re both coming out of that room alive in the morning, right? Alive and together?”

Now the difference between yesterday and today wasn’t Vaselined at all; now it annoyed Myka. “What do you care if we’re together,” she said.

Pete did not take the expected exaggerated offense. Instead, he shook his head sadly at Myka, then said, “Look out, H.G. That sounds like a sugar crash, and it’s headed right for you.”

“I doubt she’ll be persuaded that mud makes everything safer,” Helena said, also sadly.

“Look at me not making a joke about naked mud wrestling. How’s this: make sure she gives you your two minutes to try and restart.”

“Comedians,” Myka said. Now she knew exactly how she felt: like she wanted to hit them both. And hug them, despite not being a hugger. The twinning of those impulses didn’t have anything to do with having eaten sugar—that, she knew, because it wasn’t by any means a new sensation.

“Alive and together,” Pete repeated. Then he said to Helena, “I’d add ‘sane’ and ‘good,’ like Ida did, but I don’t want to set the bar too high for you.” He applauded himself, two little claps. “See? There’s your snark.”

“Here’s one for you: don’t order an extra-large pizza,” Helena advised. “The size will give you nightmares. As will your consequently inflated waistline.”

“That’s actually not a bad one. Hang onto it for when we get home; it’ll make Claud laugh. We make sure to remind her about the rabbits, and she’ll call me Anya and I’ll get offended, and then you can go into the pizza bit.”

As he plotted, Myka realized she was unsure again: about whether she would be able to survive a long-term Lattimer-and-Wells strategic-improv team. Was that even a thing? Would Claudia eventually catch on? And if she did, would she insist on making them wear matching Lattimer-and-Wells T-shirts? Could the Caretaker dictate agents’ wardrobe? If so, Claudia would never stop at T-shirts, which made Myka’s mind, for reasons known only to refined sugar, leap to the idea of herself, Helena, Pete, and Steve done up as KISS. She determined to never let her mind leap that way again, given how immediately confused she got about who should be who.

But: “If I tell you you’re Gene Simmons, can we call it a night?” she asked Pete, who said a confused “If you tell me I’m Gene Simmons for what?”

“Reasons,” Myka told him. “Your-ego reasons. Obviously Helena’s the Paul Stanley, but then Steve and I fight it out, because I bet we both want whiskers.”

“This is not a sugar crash,” Pete declared. “This is some kinda episode.”

Myka said, “If so, it’s one where Claudia gets drunk on power—”

“Episode ending in Y,” he mumbled.

“—and makes us all wear leather outfits and platform boots,” Myka finished.

Pete looked to Helena, and she affirmed, “This is an episode. With an increasingly desperate tone that I am beginning to recognize, one translatable as ‘Helena, I know we will soon be speaking privately, but I am nervous about what that will entail.’”

Helena really was every bit as annoying as Pete. Particularly when she was right.

“Not your first rodeo,” Pete observed.

“Demolition derby,” Helena corrected.

Pete looked like he was about to return volley, but Myka preempted him with a quick, “Goodnight, Pete.” She grabbed Helena by the arm and pulled her down the hallway toward their room.

“Don’t be nervous, Mykes!” he yelped, but he stayed put, so his voice receded as Myka hurry-walked them away. “She’s actually kind of okay, once you get to know her! And so are you! So I really think alive and together is gonna be the…”

They rounded a corner, and Myka slowed. She said to Helena, “Sorry. I think I was a little overcome by the whole you-and-Pete peace treaty.”

“I don’t have any real purchase on why it happened, so I am as well. What is a Paul Stanley?”

“We can worry about it later,” Myka said, for they had reached the room.

The space was pristine, all evidence of last night’s estrangement tidied away. The chair was a chair again, not Helena’s self-imposed prison. The bed was a bed, a white-sheeted, blankly innocent canvas.

The coffeemaker still did not have a filter basket.

“Scene of the crime?” Myka tried, as they stood in the doorway, as the door then swung shut behind them.

“At the very least,” Helena said, “the scene of a disastrously unsuccessful attempt to reconcile the irreconcilable.”

Myka gave in—to exhaustion, or the sugar crash, or whatever it was—and took the three steps to the bed, sitting down and then letting her length collapse back across the formerly inhospitable expanse. “The phrase ‘endless wonder’ makes me cringe,” she told the popcorn ceiling. “It’s practically Pavlovian.”

“In truth I can’t imagine a scenario in which endlessness wouldn’t be a burden. Wonder, torment… you know Charles wrote an essay on Pavlov. In 1927.”

Now Myka carefully told the ceiling, “I did not know that. I also didn’t know you’d been doing so much digging.”

“It was hearing his voice in that interview that made me determined. He used the word ‘jolly’… he did so often use that word.” She said “jolly” again, as if it were from a language she knew only phonetically. “I’d been so angry with him, but he turned back into my brother, if you see what I mean. A speaking human. With whom I had spoken. I wanted to know what he’d done. As it happens, I have relatives.”

“Do you want to find them? Meet them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Myka said, still careful.

“But—will you listen to the interview?” Helena asked, with a little inhale of… uncertainty? Insecurity?

Odd. Both the request and the inhale. “If you want me to,” Myka said.

Her unvoiced “but why do you want me to” might as well have been said out loud, for Helena responded, “Because,” and she looked down, up, down, up, “it’s the closest you can come to meeting him.”

She would have wanted me to meet her brother. “I think maybe he’s not the only Wells who’s sentimental,” Myka said, to stave off the idea that she herself was the sentimental one here.

“You might have liked him. I misled you on that point, early on. I was so dismissive of him.”

“You were angry.”

“But he was my brother. Was. My brother.”

Myka propped herself up on her elbows. Helena had remained standing, there by the door, in a pose—and with an expression—far too hologram-reminiscent. “Come here,” Myka said. “Please.” Helena nodded and moved to sit in the chair by the bed, and Myka said, “That’s not—” But she needed to be careful. “This day,” she settled on saying, and she laughed a little. “That pie. I really did feel like I was someone else, eating it. Enjoying it.”

“Well. You were. Someone else. You were a body, one resembling Myka, who was no longer in possession of a salient piece of information about yourself. Something constitutive of yourself, as you have historically ideated that self.”

She said it mildly, so Myka tried to do “mild” in return. “Okay. I get it. My sugar-sick body gets it. It’s not the same—it wasn’t my full self—but I get it.”

But no: she didn’t get it at all; in fact she’d got it wrong, for Helena near-snapped, “As mentioned earlier today, it wasn’t my full self either,” and Myka braced herself. But Helena backed off. Her tone lightened as she repeated Myka’s words: “‘Sugar-sick body.’ Pete was exactly right, you know.”

“He was?” This pact between them, if it held, was going to be… peculiar.

“You ‘really really really’ did not want to figure out—to understand—that your belief had been altered. Why did you enjoy the pie so much? For you did enjoy it so much.”

“I’d’ve licked if off the Pinto,” Myka agreed. That earned her a vaguely horrified “what?”, so she said, “Never mind. The color was the same, and so I… never mind. My honest best guess as to why? No slippery-slope problem. Complete freedom. In real life, I try hard not to start any kind of slide, because I’m so susceptible. You say a piece of pie’s okay one time, and then it’s all pie. Morning, noon, night.”

“Surely you’re exaggerating.”

“Am I? You say meeting H.G. Wells at gunpoint’s okay one time, and then…”

She’d said it without really thinking—because meeting at gunpoint was something they did joke about, gingerly—but saying anything without thinking was foolish here, foolish now. Helena slumped deep into the chair. “So you believe I am as unhealthy for you as you now once again believe refined sugar to be.”

It was true that Myka was susceptible to slippery slopes. It was also true that meeting H.G. Wells at gunpoint one time had launched her into a slide down such a slope, one of morning-noon-night want, and it was additionally true that as Myka was sliding, she’d tried to make herself believe that Helena belonged in the same category as sugar and other indulgences. Then, after Yellowstone, she’d tried to discipline herself back up that slope to recapture the morally high, self-denying ground.

But there, too, Myka had been doing the Regents’ work for them: punishing herself.

“No,” Myka said now. “It isn’t like that at all. I believed in you and I was right. I got it wrong for a while—the part about believing—but then I got it right. Nobody had to use an artifact on me. Unless at the very beginning you shouted ‘you’re in love with me’ through that microphone?”

Helena didn’t answer immediately. She moved her head mindfully again, not up and down, but as if she were trying to work a crick out of her neck. Then she said, “That isn’t as fanciful as you make it sound. Earlier, both Pete and Ida understood my implication that in intimate contexts, you could be said to be, at times, similarly… voracious.” Myka was about to concede that Helena wasn’t wrong, when Helena continued, “I like you that way.” She could have said this suggestively; instead it was simple.

If she’d been suggestive, Myka would have understood exactly what she meant, and would have dismissed it because of that. But simple? “Why?” Myka asked, also simply.

And Helena answered in kind. “Your being unashamed of your appetites is—please don’t take offense—somewhat out of character. I suppose it has to do with your slippery-slope problem… but that such rare lack of shame could stand in relation to me seems nothing short of a miracle.”

Only occasionally did Myka feel that she was granted access to something like the real everyday texture of Helena’s distant past. Most of the time, Helena told smooth stories, making light of then-now differences, but the way she said “such rare lack of shame”—that wasn’t just about Myka. In those words were serrations, deep and old and yet still raw, and shame had been the knife, no matter who had wielded it, there in that distant past, whether Helena herself or someone else or everyone.

“It does stand in relation to you,” Myka said. “But more importantly, in relation to us.” She didn’t imagine it would counter any part of that past, but it was true.

Helena took her time. Then: “Surely you said that through the microphone.”

Myka turned on her side. Helena was small in the chair again, but her eyes were bright. They were quiet for a while, breathing. Two bodies performing respiration. Far older than science, Myka thought.

“I’ll tell you about the bet,” she said, when the silence threatened to become too meaningful. Then she reconsidered. “Except for now I sort of don’t want to tell you. You might hear it wrong.”

Dry: “That would not be new.”

Myka matched her. “This is nobody’s first demolition derby, is it? Anyway, plastic duck-boats and water guns, and obviously I lost, but the important part was, I was trying to win us a week free of stuff like ‘Wow, Myka, you sure enjoyed yourself last night’ and ‘Hey H.G., quit staring at Myka’s assets.’ Not because I’m ashamed. Because it’s Pete.”

“I understand.”

Myka appreciated that, but a loss was a loss. “Shooting,” she said, still frustrated with herself, with the game, and particularly with Pete. “Even water guns, I figured I’d win.”

“But you lost. Did you ‘psych yourself out’?”

Adorable anthropologist. Myka would have preferred to grimace, but the anthropologist made her smile instead. “Defective game. I wish it’d been those giant ducks of yours, and they’d made him run away screaming.”

“What do you want me to tell you?” Helena asked, and there it was.

“I honestly don’t know,” Myka admitted. “Nothing? Everything?”

“You wanted to know her name.”

“I wanted to torture myself with it. That was a really stupid thing to want.”

“Not stupid. Unproductive, perhaps, yet completely understandable. Are you happy with me?”

That seemed like a real question, so Myka gave it a real answer. “Not every minute, but a whole lot of the time.”

“There you are. We all feel a need to torture ourselves, because none of us believes we deserve to be happy. Rightly or wrongly. You didn’t believe you deserved a pardon, either.”

“Shame? No, that’s guilt. Anyway I’d probably really rather not.”

“Be happy?”

“Torture myself.”

Helena took another of those meaningful pauses. “No version of myself could have said her name the way I say yours. And she may know something of this body—some softer version, not the one that says your name—but she doesn’t know me.” She paused, began a smile. “For example, although she knew that I had an affinity for the historical H.G. Wells, as anyone with a love of literature would, she had no idea how fervently I despised that hideously bearded Frenchman Verne.”

“You didn’t like his beard?” Myka asked, smiling too.

“I didn’t like him. As the beard was attached to him, what do you imagine I thought of it?”

“I figured maybe you were anti all facial hair. You were really dismissive of your brother’s mustache.”

Helena crossed her arms and sniffed. “Well, who wouldn’t have been?”

“He did keep it though. Decades. I’ve seen the pictures.”

“I know. Every photograph I saw, I wanted to shave his ridiculously bewhiskered face. He was so handsome as a boy.”

“I’m partial to his handsome sister.”

Now Helena pushed her chin and chest forward a bit; she raised an eyebrow. “You certainly know what to say to me.”

“It doesn’t take H.G.-Wells-level genius to figure out that you’d like hearing you’re more handsome than your brother.”

“If only because I am clean-shaven?” she asked, running the fingers of her left hand over her upper lip, around her chin.

Myka shrugged against the bed. “Your call if you want a mustache.”

“Unlikely,” Helena said. She sat back, arms again crossed. “I can’t tell you everything, in the main because I don’t have your memory. I told you I listened more than I spoke. I told you: I wanted to know. What had… happened. As much an invitation to torturing oneself as your wanting to know her name, I suppose. I know you think I act the martyr. Not an unjustified accusation. But… they were kind to each other. I believe they loved each other.”

Myka should have expected such a dagger. “I changed my mind; I can’t hear this.” Was saying that—feeling that—a step in a bad, last-night direction?

“But you can,” Helena said quickly. “Or you need to? I certainly needed to. So as to ease my own mind about what she… did. And you certainly need to hear that some version of myself could be kind, could be loving. That the guilt, the shame, both of those could be peeled away, and that at least some bodily decency remained. I hadn’t believed that could be true.”

A better direction: “I’ve been trying to tell you. I’ve seen it, felt it. I believe it. I don’t need Emily Lake for that, and I don’t need a microphone. Maybe you do. I don’t.”

“You certainly needed something last night, something this version of myself couldn’t give.”

“Last night was awful. I was awful.”

“I don’t see how it would have gone differently,” Helena said, an oddly gentle condemnation. “You felt what you felt, and why should you have had to pretend otherwise?”

That did nothing to mitigate Myka’s self-reproach. “You felt what you felt too. And there’s a not-so-fine line between ‘not pretending’ and ‘being an insensitive jerk.’”

“I didn’t know what I wanted. Needed.”

“Me to be there?” Myka tried. “As something other than an insensitive jerk, and I wasn’t.”

“I’ve made the same error in the past, of course. Not being any sort of beneficent presence for you.”

“In your defense, some of those times, you were a hologram,” Myka said, using her I am making light of things that can never be made light of voice.

In the same light-but-heavy-but-light way, Helena said, “My own fault. Due to earlier non-beneficent times.”

Myka shifted her tone only slightly to ask, “How did you leave it with her?” You will be fine with whatever the answer is, she told herself. You will be fine, and you will not cause more trouble.

“With a sense of finality,” Helena said, and her words carried that sense as well. Myka began, minimally, to relax. Helena continued, “I can’t imagine she and I will meet again. It’s astonishing that we met at all, isn’t it?”

Myka was about to agree, but a new, terrible thought stopped her—and reversed all release of tension. “Did you ask her why she came here, to the fair?”

TBC

(I have to warn you, what comes next isn’t going to be any really gut-punchy, gasp-of-astonishment reveal; I never meant to break the conversation here, but it was stretching. And I’m of course disinclined to stop them from stretching.)

Anyway, my tag commentary on this part would have something to do with that line between “not pretending” and “being an insensitive jerk.” It’s a bright line, and I’m pretty sure it’s called empathy. But when you find yourself in one of those insensitive-jerk nosedives, it’s awfully hard to pull up and see any line at all, bright or otherwise...

#bering and wells #Warehouse 13 #fanfic #Mercury #part 13a

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dropsofletters · 6 years

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sugar and spice

Title: sugar and spice Pairing: Ten/Reader Genre: College!AU/Friends to Lovers!AU Summary: His lips were cinnamon and his words were chocolate, but she only wants a taste of him.

There are ridiculous situations that she has been involved in and then, there’s this. In reality, she would never judge anyone for their perception of love unless it was gross or remotely illegal, but she thought that what her cousin was doing was both a good idea and the worst one he could ever have. It’s a matter of coming from a very strict family that had led him to get married legally behind his mother’s back and not only that, but she was serving as a witness for the entire ordeal. Though, she wouldn’t necessarily say that she is quite that involved with the event. She signed and most likely, she won’t hear from her cousin ever again…given that they weren’t really close to start with. Maybe he just wanted someone who couldn’t give any less of a shit about his life to be the witness of his wedding with the love of his life, then he could keep his secret from his mother that lived some millions of kilometers away from him.

Anyways, she is tightly wrapped in a black dress, arms crossed over her chest and head lost in the ridiculousness that marriage on its own could be. Although she thinks that karma is a bitch and maybe her thoughts of marriage could change eventually, but most of the time she sees it as a title that two people give to one another. To some it was important, to others it was ridiculous but she was stuck in between. If she squints her eyes, she can see the cuteness in the situation –the glances that her cousin and his soon-to-be wife exchange are adorable even when they don’t realize it. Far from the couple though, there is someone even more lovely in that secluded room and it is not the officiant that is trying to make said marriage a reality.

It’s the man beside her, also a witness, with his brown hair parted and gelled slightly into that typical comma hairstyle that every stylish person used when they had short hair. His nose is outstanding, tall nose-bridge and a bit wide on the nostrils area, showcasing and framing features like his brown eyes and his slightly thin pink lips. Bronzed was his skin as it shines under the white lights of the room, contrasting the white material of his silky button up and he paired them up with black pants, fitted around his waist in just the perfect way. He is not the tallest, definitely, also very talkative and she realizes it when he drags himself to her side and he starts to sneak a few words here and there.

She learns his real name, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, but he prefers to go by the name of Ten. Accordingly, he was friends with her cousin’s wife and he was only there because he was one of the few people who knew about their secret marriage. He finds it ridiculous, too, but he doesn’t judge. Instead…he makes a joke out of everything. How stupid they looked while standing in the middle of two people that were in love, how the officiant has a bit of dried toothpaste at the corner of his lips…everything is noticed by the witty Ten and he tries to muffle his sweet laughter, a bit high pitched, also one of the best laughs she has ever heard.

Surely, she would love to give it the seriousness that it deserved but…it wasn’t serious at all. Her cousin was sweating profusely with a weird smile over his face and the two witnesses were standing there even after they had signed the contract that would unite the couple in marriage. There’s an awkward atmosphere in between the two and she is starting to grow impatient, after all, she had gotten out of her job to go to that ‘celebration’, claiming that she wasn’t feeling very well to her boss so she could get out and change into the loose fitted black dress that she had worn to the legal unity. Hungry, tired and everything in between, that’s how she would describe herself and it seemed like Ten was that way, as well.

Ten’s back is leaned against the wall of the tight office, one of his legs crossed over the other as he stares at the couple in front of him, now a little bit quieter because the event was finally coming to a closure. “I’m sorry that I talk a lot, I just hate things like these.” Those are the first serious words that had escaped Ten’s lips ever since the moment she met him about twenty-five minutes ago. Everything had been a slight joke or a comment about something that she had also noticed, but now his voice was hinting a bit of embarrassment and cuteness. Her hair moves a bit when she turns her head to look at him and he is not looking at her, but she knows his attention is anything else but the lovely couple. “Like…can’t people make these legal things shorter so everyone can go home early?”

“Marriage is a complicated thing,” She gives her point of view on as to why it was taking too long. “The lawyer needs to read everything. Remind them that if they ever get a divorce, they will have to split everything.”

Ten gasps, shaking his head with a smile soon after. “This is your cousin, you shouldn’t be talking about his divorce just like that-” He whispers back and she rolls her eyes, a smile replacing her scowl quickly. He had an effect on people, like the luring scent of a new perfume that ghosted around her body and she couldn’t get enough of the lingering sensation. Ten is a mixture of the color pink and purple, both cute and incredibly attractive with his actions. Sugar and spice, that’s what she had called him the moment she saw him and she didn’t know his name and now that she gets to have a conversation with him, she thinks her sixth sense must be correct.

“He doesn’t ever talk to me unless he wants a favor.” She replies to him, easily and curtly, because she really doesn’t think that people would ever believe she and her cousin are close. They are family, she became the witness of his wedding because she knows just how insane his parents were about him dating even when he was twenty-five years old. “And I don’t know why I said yes to this. If my family ever knows that I hid this from everyone else, then I am doomed.”

“What could they do?” Ten asks and she sighs.

“His mom is fucking crazy. I can expect just about anything.” But truly, she doesn’t see the reason why a title should be given such importance. If two people loved each other, then it was more than okay for them to be together if they didn’t bother anyone else, but some people thought that relationships were more necessary and scary than they really were. Maybe she has grown apart from the idea of it, now she doesn’t seem very interested in the idea of liking and loving someone…the texting, the preoccupation, the jealousy and everything that comes with it. She already has enough fights with her co-workers and she doesn’t have the time to hear someone’s complaining.

Ten hisses, stealing a glance at the people in front of him in case they were caught. Not that it would matter, they weren’t talking in the middle of class or doing anything remotely bad. “So that’s why they’re getting married secretly.”

“Didn’t your friend tell you?”

“She’s too prideful to tell me the exact reason.” Ten comments absentmindedly and then, he rubs his eyes, already tired of hearing the same monotonous voice of the lawyer that didn’t seem to stop his speech. “This man’s voice makes me want to go to sleep.” She nods her head in agreement, the voice reminding her of the tone one of her first professors used. She almost failed that class because the professor was unable to remember her name and constantly lost her tests, so the officiant was bringing annoying memories to her.

“Tell me about it.” She whispers and suddenly, she sees Ten’s hand raising in the air, as if he was a student asking a question in the middle of the class. The officiant stops talking and that makes the couple turn around to look at the two witnesses worriedly. The lawyer’s glasses go down his nose-bridge and he nods his head.

“Anything you’d like to add, mister?” At that moment, she doesn’t know what to think. Did legal weddings also have those typical moments of people chiming in to stop two people from getting married? She doesn’t know, but somewhere deep inside her heart she worries that Ten would do the same.

“I’m not feeling good,” Ten gives a shy smile, a flutter of his eyelashes and she can almost see the mischief behind his brown pupils. His voice is high, a little bit rushed and there’s a bit of a tone on his voice that wasn’t there when they had talked. However, he hadn’t mentioned anything about not feeling so well. “Could she come with me so I can go back to my car?”

“Oh, Ten, what happened?” His friend asks and Ten just rubs his belly, as if it was hurting badly and she has to give him props: his acting skills are not half as bad as anyone would think. “I think they’re done here, aren’t they?”

The officiant looks down at the papers, looking at their signatures in the contract before nodding his head. ”Yes. You two can leave. Have a good night.”

“Thank you.” She tells the officiant and Ten holds onto her arm as she walks out of the door, hearing the sound of Ten closing the door before a short giggle left his lips. The moment she stares over her shoulder to look at him, she notices that his smile holds a lot of things, mostly sweetness that is covered by the not-so-innocent actions that his mind can come up with. She joins in his laughter, although not too laugh as she walks him to his car. “I can’t believe that you just said that-”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t want to leave, you’d be lying.” Ten tells her with squinted eyes and laughter still leaving his lips and she gasps.

“Says the liar himself!”

Ten holds his chest, laughing as he opens the entrance doors, holding them open for her. Once they are outside, the wind blows on their clothes and she holds onto the edge of her dress slightly, in case it flew up. “It’s called acting. Meryl Streep learnt from me, honey.”

She laughs at his words, looking through her purse to find the key to her own car before licking her lips. “Well, thank you for getting me out of there anyways.”

“You’re welcome.” Ten’s smile is still plastered over his face and when she finds her keys, he takes his phone out of his pocket and he gives it to her. “Could you give me your number, by the way?”

In any other occasion, she would have asked why, but the man had been funny and nice…so she didn’t have anything to complain about. Maybe he could be a good friend in the future, one that she could share anecdotes and drinks with. She writes down her number, adds her name in hopes that he remembered it and before she knew it, he was saying her goodbyes as well. Sugary are his lips with the last smile he gives her and the glint behind his eyes spoke of spice. She had never seen someone with a personality as perfectly mixed as his.

“Everyone, we’re sorry…We know this is unexpected and you probably thought that the company was getting better after this last contract, but we’re unable to pay every single one of you and we’ve decided to close down.”

Debt had been one the most heartbreaking experiences the company she worked for had always tried to evade and not only was it painful for the owners that had been fighting so hard to keep everything going, but also to her…whom had grown attached to the people that worked with her no matter how obnoxiously stubborn she was, in most occasions. Another design company that went down the hill for not being relevant enough, but now she had to find a new job and soon, in case she was unable to pay the bills by the end of the month.

The gray turtleneck that she wore for that day felt constricting as she got out of the meeting room, her feet bringing her to her desk to pick everything up because that was the last day of work. She watches the picture that had marked on her desk, the post it notes for future ideas and projects she had around the surface of her desk, the coffee stain that had been there since the moment she started working at the company. The air around her was too difficult to breathe in and she does her best not to look at the faces of everyone as she packs everything in the boxes that her bosses had given everyone. She tries to think of it as another bad day…but it’s really not. Being an adult meant that losing your job was like losing your existence, you became less than a negative number, you were nothing…she felt like a no one.

Her phone rings when she is organizing her pamphlets and samples that she had designed and absentmindedly, she picks up without looking at the person that was calling her. “Yes, hello. What can I help you with?” She knows she sounds stressed out and worried, it almost lingers with a sense of the professionalism a secretary would have. The sharp tone, the uninterested words, the question that always brought a feeling of being bothersome, but she didn’t care. Whoever had called her had picked the worst time.

“Should…I have called at another time? It’s Ten, by the way. I can call later-” Though he called it bad timing, she thinks that it is the perfect time even when it doesn’t feel like it. Somewhere, sometime, she had heard that after bad news ensue, there will always be something good to lighten up your mood. In this case, she didn’t have to wait much and back at her cousin’s wedding, she had enjoyed of Ten’s presence. They have only had a casual conversation when he texted her to save his number and after that, she had been too busy to even text her own friends.

“No, no, no, no. Mm, I was just…you know, having a rough day and all but I could use some distraction.” She says as she organizes the last touches of the box and then, she leans back until her thighs are resting against the edge of her –now old- desk. “What’s up?” Now she sounds more relaxed, a bit more casual too, and she feels strangely comforted by Ten’s call. Sure, she barely knew the man and he could be crazy for all she knew, but he had been nice that one time they talked…a bit out of the box, for sure, but that’s exactly what she liked in people.

“I was thinking about you, actually.” Ten tells her and there’s not a bit of embarrassment in his tone, as if he was far too used to the flirty hint of his sentences. However, she thinks that it is very pleasant to hear those words from his lips, even when she can’t see his expression over the phone. “So there’s this PC room that I discovered recently and I was wondering…if you liked videogames, you know.”

Be honest. “Oh…not really.” Ten didn’t expect that answer and by the chuckle that left his lips, she knew that she had caught him off guard. Sugar and Spice, the perfect mix, that’s what she had called him before and now that she ponders on her life decisions, she thinks she needs to mix it up. She’s not even sugar or spice, she’s just…boring and maybe something new would do her well. “But what did you have in mind?”

“Playing Fortnite or League of Legends one of these days. Nothing much.”

“I’m in.” She surprises herself when she says those words and then, she realizes that her box filled with her stuff is waiting for her, as well as the emptiness of her apartment as she downs herself in her stress about figuring out what to do with her life so she could pay for her education and also maintain the life of an adult that she had grown so attached to. “Are you free tonight?”

Ten hums. “Yeah, do you want to go tonight?”

“As soon as possible,” She says as she looks down at her watch and then, she sighs. “Text me the address so we can meet up. I have to organize a few things at home but I’m free after seven.”

“Okay, see you!”

“See you.”

She never thought a stranger would be a rush of fresh air for her, but he was. The moment her eyes landed on the black strands of Ten’s hair and she saw his hand lift up while a smile spread across his face, she knew that she was going to have a great night, so that’s what she promised herself. Her bag ended up on the floor beside her, excusing herself for some brief seconds to buy herself a bag of snacks and then she was back on the chair beside Ten, a game displayed on the screen in front of her.

Ten does his best on explaining the game to her and sometimes, he skipped a few of the important bits…making her wonder if he was doing it on purpose to win or if he actually forgot. Her fingers are numb when she starts moving them around the keyboard, her headphones dangling from her neck because she doesn’t like the sound of the gunshots that escape them and suddenly, she watches the screen as she finally gets to kill one of the players. She thinks she’s starting to understand the game…slowly, but surely.

And she doesn’t miss the way her little finger touches Ten’s knuckles when he moves his mouse and she is pressing down on the keyboard, but she doesn’t pay much attention to it. Throughout it all, the two make some commentary. She had learnt from that one time that she had talked to Ten that he was insanely funny and even then, after she had lost her job and she was trying to win the game, he had made her laugh. Luckily for her, she had managed to win against Ten…even when she didn’t win the match entirely.

Ten takes a long sip from the straw of his soda, leaning back on the gyrating chair before stopping by stomping his foot against the ground, his eyes looking at her as he blinks repeatedly. He must have gotten dizzy. “See? I got a smile out of you! When you got here, you looked really off.” Not that he would truly know, he had only seen her once and he got to know two of her facets that afternoon. Bored and happy, but he was intelligent enough that the scowl over her face didn’t come from joy. She plays with the microphone attached to the headphones and then, she sighs.

“Sorry…it’s just that the company I worked for is closing down so it’s my first day being jobless.” Ten shows a bit of remorse on his face, nodding his head in understanding even when he hadn’t gone through a similar situation.

“And you’re also a college student, right?”

“Yes.” She answers and once again, she feels down. Ten notices this and he opens his bag of snacks when he realizes that she had finished hers and he puts it over her desk, making her scoff. “This is yours, Ten, you don’t need to give it to me.”

Yet, Ten successfully ignores her before speaking once again. “And what were you working as?”

“In a designing company…I was more like an assistant at first but because they lacked a real graphic designer, they ended up hiring me as one.” She replied to him and Ten licks his lips, fixing the hood of his oversized hoodie over his head, his bangs touching the top of his eyes and yet, he doesn’t flinch. He looked totally different from the afternoon she had met him.

“Work as a freelancer for the time being. It’s online and it will work as you look for a job.” She had heard from friends that freelancing was a good idea but she had never tried it, too busy with both work and school to even care about finding another job.

“You think so?”

“I have this friend that works for a website and I think they work with graphic designing, so…I will tell him. Really, trust me.” Ten’s words are a light in the middle of the dark, the moon in the blue sky and she’s delighted to hear the tone of his voice. Suddenly, she is curious about him and she asks him what he does to which he laughs. “Uh…currently, I am working as an instructor in a dance academy and I go to class sometimes, not all the times but I haven’t failed a class yet so I must be doing good.”

“Are you always this relaxed?” She asks after having eaten a bit of the snacks Ten had given her and she takes the bag in between her hands, offering some to him which he gladly takes.

“Fuck no. But I know that worrying isn’t a solution, so I always try to think of what I have to do instead of just doing nothing.” Ten’s response sounds like what she should do and she nods her head, looking at the screen once again and then, she remembers they had been playing before. Something about Ten always distracted her from the main reason why they had gathered together, like that one time at her cousin’s wedding and now at the PC room. “If nothing else works, you can become a gamer of some sort and do lives on Twitch or something.”

She laughs at his words, shaking his head. “I don’t think I’m that good. Maybe you’re just really bad.”

Ten rolls his eyes, a smile appearing over his face as he leans forward and puts his headphones on once again. “Beginner’s luck. Let’s go again.”

Time passed by with the two playing and by the end of the night, she hadn’t forgotten about her problems…not even remotely close to it, but she had a brighter state of mind when looking ahead at the future. Maybe things wouldn’t be quite as bad as she expected them to be.

She has known the sugary side of Ten. He likes to show his sweetness through his actions, like that one time he had brightened her day even when she had lost her job…and even then, he had given her an idea on finding a good replacement for her source of income. There is a thick layer of chocolate with strawberries on top that covers his words, the sound of his voice that is not remotely close to deep but it can surely move her to a state of vividness and fun. They hadn’t known each other for long but she has found within her to spend more time with him. A coffee date from time to time, maybe with the excuse of wanting him to explain something to her about the freelance job she just got. Other times, she simply accepts his invitation of going over to his apartment and she’s surprised when she is welcomed by Ten holding a cooking book as he promises that she will have the best Thai food she has ever had. There is so much to learn from him, new experiences joining two people who have nothing in common but they have everything, as well.

But she has yet to confirm that there is a spicy side to Ten, perhaps in between all the sweetness that covers him. She knows he is incredibly mischievous and he enjoys playing around more than he should, a teasing mannerism on each and every single one of his sentences, but she hadn’t found out the truly spicy side of Ten. The man must be a flirt, at most, he really looks like he could be one and she is only hoping that he finds someone he is interested in and he gives a step, proving to her that she was correct when she gave him the internal nickname of ‘Sugar and Spice’.

Months had passed by since the time they met and she is closer to Ten than she would have ever thought. They have long conversations raging in between serious and not before they fall back into their spot of tranquility whenever they are around one another. Her laptop is placed over her lap as she completes the last few parts of a design that she is going to deliver to a customer and she feels the cold air of her apartment around her uncovered feet as she hears Ten shuffling around on the couch, touching the little decorations she has on her coffee table and doing anything but concentrating on the show that she had put on the TV. When she had told him that she was going to be busy, he had insisted that he didn’t mind and now…she thinks he is a complete liar.

The hood of his gray sweatshirt falls over his head and that makes his bangs graze his eyebrows gracefully. Ten was beautiful, to say the least, with such sweet features that could easily be claimed as upstanding. His eyes connect with her gaze when she is stealing a glance at him and she stops working on the Photoshop app to concentrate on her friend.

“Are you bored?” She asks and Ten nods his head, not one to swallow his words whenever he feels like something is truthful. She smiles, all joy and happiness whenever she is around him, for some reason. There is always laughter whenever she hangs out with Ten, whether it was because of a video she saw of when he was a baby or because he was simply someone she enjoyed spending time with. “I won’t finish soon, though.”

Ten sighs, taking the spot by her side and looking over her shoulder to see the logo design she was preparing. “That looks fine to me.” Of course, to the raw eye it would look great but art and work are things that easily change concepts depending on the person who saw it. Just like how Ten would normally complain about how his choreography skills still needed a bit of practice, but she would be enchanted by how creative and talented he really is. It’s rare to see someone who is fully confident about their art.

“I still have to edit it a bit more.” She tells him and her hands hover over the laptop and she moves the cursor around before she felt Ten moving slightly, though that doesn’t stop her from continuing with her work. “You can change the channel, if you’d like-”

“I could, but I won’t.” Ten tells her and then, she watches him lower down until his face is placed in front of her screen and she smiles when she hears the joyous laughter coming from his lips. “You need a break. You’ve been working on that design for five hours without rest.”

She wants to say that she doesn’t, but the idea of resting sounded so enchanting so instead of fighting it, she puts her laptop down on the coffee table, saving her design and closing the lid. Her hands end over her thighs and she looks over at Ten whom had his back straightened now. “Now, what can I do for resting?”

“Napping, eating or watching TV? You choose.” The ideas given to her sounded appealing, but she opted for the first one, barely getting the word ‘nap’ out of her lips before she saw Ten’s hands patting over his thighs, placing a cushion over it to make it more comfortable. “Nap here.”

“Your legs are bony, though. Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable?”

Ten shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. I haven’t received any complaints from other people who have slept on my legs.” She scoffs at the (probably faux) confidence that spills from his lips and suddenly, she finds herself lowering down until her legs were extended over her couch, kneeled to keep all her body inside of it as her head was met by the cushion that Ten had picked. However, once she closes her eyes, she feels the sudden movement of Ten bouncing his thighs up and down to bother her, making her groan and open her eyes.

“Ten!”

“My bony ass legs can cramp. I have to move them.” The tone of his voice is obviously hinted with some kind of malice and she closes her eyes once again, her palms spreading across the cushion and suddenly, she feels a couple fingers drawing circles over her back, in between her shoulder-blades.

“Mm,” She hums lightly and she feels her sleepiness catching up to her because of that motion. Ten had magical hands, though his were tiny, fingers gliding across her back in such soft movements that she almost thought that it was a dream. “Feels nice.”

Ten lets out a chuckle, soft and distant as she feels herself drifting off to sleep, his fingers never leaving her body. The tip of his fingers are clouds and dreams attacked her with soft greetings because of his touch.

“Oh my God, you got a motorcycle?!”

For people whom had only caught a glance at Ten, they would think of him as the typical boy next door. Some would consider him certain terms: the ‘bottom’ that he probably is, a boy next door, the type of guy you would introduce to your parents and much more, simply because the lively tone of his voice and his sweet but teasing words give away certain personality traits that mean everything but harm. In terms of getting to know him, he was one of the few people that she had enjoyed spending time with from the moment she met him and in all honesty, he is one of her favorite people as of lately. She still has her friends, of course; they always tell her that they want to meet Ten and she responded with a small ‘later’. After all, they normally spent their time together only being the two of them.

To complete her train of thought – she had probably imagined Ten in a small, cute, simple Chevrolet car that he found thanks to someone in his family, but she was surprised by the fact that Ten hadn’t changed his old, tacky, motor-less car for a new one, but he had changed it for a huge, squeaky clean motorcycle that made him look…well, tall and that was already hard on its own. Still, the man had arrived in front of her apartment lot with a helmet and an all-black outfit that matched his new motorcycle. She finally got to see the ‘spicy’ side of Ten, with the smirk that displayed over his face and the look of danger that it all gives him. She had seen plenty of people in motorcycles and none of them looked like what movies and books usually spoke about, but Ten was the perfect mix between a boyfriend picking his girlfriend up in a motorcycle and the bad boy that passed by your street every Saturday at that very moment and she is enchanted. Not enchanted, more like in awe…and strangely attracted.

“I figured I must have enough balance for this and I also found out that it’s cheaper than a car, so…” Ten trails his voice as he puts the helmet in between his thighs, his feet grazing the floor as he stands on his tiptoes to reach the concrete. Yes, the motorcycle was a bit too big for him. “Do you like it?”

“You look hot.” She tells him and truthfully, she didn’t think it would have much meaning. The group of words had been ones that she had told her friends time and time again, probably because it was a boost of someone’s ego and a compliment, though really bold at times. Ten looks at her, eyes trailing up and down her figure before he smiled.

“You think so?” The words are lingered with a tone that she had never heard from him but she thinks it’s the spiciness that she had always expected from Ten. It seemed like the two had started to flirt and she returns the smile before her lips parted to speak to him.

“Yeah. It makes you look tall and all.” Those words should have taken him aback but he didn’t show it, instead, he got off the motorcycle and he took the keys out of the ignition, moving closer to her and then, he continues speaking.

“Tall guys are overrated.”

“Word.” She replies and then, she looks up at him, fluttering her eyelashes a bit before she smacked his shoulder lightly, trying to push him back but he stayed very close and very attractive as she fights her entire body not to find a way of getting to know the real demon inside Ten. “Are you offended?”

Ten shakes his head, running his fingers through his hair before he chuckled in his extraordinary voice. “Not at all. Why?”

“Just because.”

“That’s not an answer.” There, she noticed that she could take the lead in this situation and with a smile over her face, she takes him by the arm and she makes him sit back down on his motorcycle, his eyes looking up at her as his hands absentmindedly reach for her waist.

“Wanna know something?” Ten nods his head and she laughs, resting her hands over his shoulders before leaning down, lips touching his in a slight touch that wasn’t even considered a kiss, but his eyes closed and she knew that this was what she wanted to do. There had always been a spark with Ten, a certain sense of freedom that let her know that she was comfortable with him. What would be so wrong about getting a taste of him? “I’ve never liked my men tall, anyways.”

Ten shakes his head, laughter leaving his lips before he finally answered. “Stop speaking so much and just kiss me.” He doesn’t even wait for a response but he pulls their bodies flush together before his lips parted to take her bottom lip in between them. Then and there, she gets to know that the spiciness that Ten holds comes from his kisses, both passionate and sweet at the same time and it’s the first time she has gotten to know someone that can mix two different things and make the combination perfect.

His lips were cinnamon and his words were chocolate, but she only wants a taste of him.

#ten scenarios #ten nct #nct scenarios #nct #kpop scenarios #writing #nct fluff #ten fluff #this is so fluffy ugh #but i kinda like it???#it's different #but also not #i don't know #tell me your opinions i appreciate it!!

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