#It took that long cuz I kept taking breaks to see to my laundry and get food

[paladincecil]

Tried fight caves again and I got to Jad all the way at wave 63! I died badly :(

[severely-mentally-ill]

Can I request yeonjun being upset cuz he was hard all day and he couldn’t wait til y/n got home and so when she got back, she walked in and saw him masturbating so she decided to help him. It’s okay if you can’t :)

Sure thing darling. Sorry this took so long, play rehearsal is keeping me busy.

♧◇ Impatient Needs ◇♧

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Fem!Reader

English is not my first language, this is not proofread so beware grammar mistakes.

He knew better. He knew he should've waited until you got home. But you weren't supposed to be home for another 3 hours. And he had been suffering the whole day.

You were a stylist for him and his members; and today, you had to leave early in the morning and you'd be gone for at least 6 hours. Unfortunately for him, he ended up having a very not-so-appropriate dream. One that was very realistic and one that caused him to grow a hard-on that wouldn't go away anytime soon.

When he awoke from his dream, he was disappointed to see that he was alone in your guys' bed. He immediately got up and checked his phone, seeing a text from you saying, 'Hey, love. I'm gonna be gone for a few hours. I made you some food and left it in the fridge. I love you.'

Yeonjun let out a whine as he realized he was going to be stuck with a boner for so many long hours.

Yeonjun was known for being a bit sassy. But he was never really normally a brat. He liked being your good boy. And he wasn't about to break your number-one rule. But with how much strain it was putting on his activities, he wasn't sure how much longer he'd last.

After a few hours, he was having so much difficulties with everything. He ate some of the food you made him, tried to do some laundry, and tried to watch one of the animes Taehyun had recommended to him, but he couldn't focus on anything with how much he kept shifting around and adjusting his pants.

It was then that he decided to call you, try and see if you can get back early.

"Hey, baby boy. What's up?" Oh, your sweet voice. The one that he dreamt about whispering dirty words and praises in his ear.

"Noonaaaaaa. How much longer are you going to be gone?" Yeonjun whined. You could hear it in his voice, how needy he was. You chuckle.

"Sorry, love, not for a few more hours." Yeonjun let's out a whine; a low one but one that makes you feel a slight pang of guilt.

"But- But, Mummy..." Oh. So he was gonna pull the 'Mommy' card. Yeonjun only pulled that one when he was truly desperate. He knew how much it effected you. "Please. I can't take it anymore. It hurts, Mummy."

You close your eyes and let out an exhale.

"I'm truly sorry, baby boy. I still have a lot of work to do. Just keep holding out for a few hours, and I promise I'll make it up to you." Yeonjun bites his lip, taking a moment before sighing.

"I'll try, Mummy. I'll try." He promises.

"Good boy. I have to get back to work now. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye, Noona." Yeonjun hangs up the phone with a small huff. He couldn't last a few more hours. It was becoming too much for him to handle. He was becoming a bit overwhelmed. Surely he could just get off really quickly without you knowing?

He didn't want to disobey you. He wanted to be good. He wanted to be rewarded. He wanted to be pampered with affection while you make sure he feels the best that he can.

After debating more in his head for a few minutes, he let's out a frustrated sigh. He grabs his phone and heads into your shared bedroom. You and Yeonjun sometimes recorded when you played, and what better thing to get off to then watching one of the videos he has.

Yeonjun sets his phone down on the nightstand on his side of the bed before quickly pushing off his pants and briefs and kicking them aside. He then gets onto the bed, kneeling while sitting on his heels. He grabs his phone and begins scrolling through his camera roll. There was one specific video he wanted. It was one from a few weeks ago. It was from the first time you did rimming.

He turns up the volume on his phone before beginning it. He then sets up his phone so it rests against the lamp. Yeonjun then wraps his hand around the base of his cock, beginning to move his hand up and down slowly at first. He slowly picks up the pace as the video gets more intense.

Yeonjun bites his lip as he listens to his own moans come from the phone speaker. The video was filmed from the same place his phone was set now. His face could be seen in the video— his head was turned to the side, facing the camera. The look on his face only turned Yeonjun on more. His eyebrows were furrowed, his mouth was open, his eyes were closed, and he was letting out such pornographic noises.

Yeonjun couldn't help but let out a moan as he quickens his hand. He feels himself clench his hole around nothing. Oh, what he wouldn't give to feel your tongue fucking him again. He'll be sure to ask for it when you get home. If you're not mad at him.

Luckily, he doesn't have to wait long to find out.

Because there you are, standing in the doorway of your bedroom— watching as Yeonjun quickly jacks himself off to the video on his phone. Normally, you would be pissed at this behavior. But you remembered how he sounded on the phone. And you knew that he had lasted for so long already. You couldn't help but feel guilty as you watch him quietly whine out 'Mommy' every few seconds.

You clear your throat, causing Yeonjun to jump a bit, quickly turning his head to the doorway. Fear begins to fill him as he realizes: he's been caught.

"N-Noona." He gulps, shaking his head. "Noona, please don't be mad. I'm-I'm sorry."

You begin walking forward until you're right in front of him. He looks up at you with wide eyes; to which you respond with a soft smile.

"I'm not mad, baby boy." Yeonjun quickly relaxes, a smile rising to his face. "Why don't I help you?"

Yeonjun nods excitedly, a big dumb smile planted on his face. It's only when he hears another one of his loud moans, that he remembers the video still playing. You both look over to his phone, you immediately recognizing the video playing.

"You want to do that again, jagi?" You ask, smirking as Yeonjun quickly nods his head again.

"Yes! Yes, I want to do it." You tilt your head, raising an eyebrow. "I want to do it again, Mummy."

"Good boy." You smile. "Why don't you go clean yourself for Mummy?"

Yeonjun waists no time scurrying off of the bed and hurrying into the bathroom. You chuckle. He's always so excited to please you. When he's not a brat, that is.

After a bit, Yeonjun comes back out, all prepped and ready for you. Excitement was the only thing he could feel coursing through his veins.

The first time you did it, the only thing Yeonjun could feel was nervous. He'd never done any ass play before that, and he never really thought of trying it until you mentioned it to him.

But now, he could barely keep himself from jumping up and down in excitement. As he makes his way to the bed, he has to try and keep himself from smiling like an idiot.

Yeonjun gets on the bed, on his hands and knees. You could tell how excited he was, seeing as though his cock stood proudly with a leaking red tip.

He feels the bed shift from you moving to kneel behind him. You place your hands on his ass cheeks, beginning to softly rub them.

You then begin to shift on the bed, getting into a comfortable position to begin the activity. Yeonjun bites his lip as he feels your warm tongue press against his hole, only to let out a low groan when he finally feels your tongue slip in.

The euphoric feeling if your tongue causes him to move so he rests on his elbows. Yeonjun doesn't try to hide or stop his moans and groans like he did the first time. He isn't ashamed. Not anymore at least. In fact, he's proud that you are able to give him so much pleasure from such a simple act.

"Mummy, c-can I touch myself? Please?" Yeonjun asks, hands gripping tightly at the sheets.

"Go ahead." You respond after pulling your tongue out for only a second before going right back into the activity. He quickly reaches down and begins to slowly pump his cock in sinc with your tongue. You then curl your tongue, immediately finding his prostate. This action causes him to let out a rather loud groan.

"Mummyyy." He whines out, his arms completely giving out. He makes sure to keep his head to the side so none if his noises are muffled. His hand speeds up the movements on his cock as you continue to curl your tongue.

Your hands had been subconsciously kneading at his thighs, which he didn't even notice— too caught up in the pleasure. As soon as you realize it, you move your hands up to squeeze at his ass cheeks.

It didn't take long for the knot in his stomach to form. Yeonjun already knew he could let go any time he needed. He always could during gentle sex like this.

You could tell he was close. From the way his hand speed up and his whines became more frequent. To help him, you sped up your tongue as well; making sure to curl it more and more.

With all the pleasure he was feeling, Yeonjun quickly found his release— letting out a loud moan when he does. Some gets on his hand while the rest gets onto the bed sheets.

After a few moments of him coming down from his high, you remove your tongue and help him to lay down on his back away from the mess area.

You help clean him up before laying next to him— putting a towel over the mess so you don't lay in it, you'd wash the sheets later— being sure to cuddle him close to your chest.

"Noona?" He mumbles out, turning over to face you. "How come you're home so early? I thought you had to work later."

"I left the rest for tomorrow. I didn't want you to wait much longer." Yeonjun smiles up at you before snuggling closer to your chest.

K-Pop Masterlist

[waithyuck]

touch

pairing: ghost!zhong chenle x reader (f) *halloweenie special*

genre: supernatural au, fluff (with suggestive tones)

word count: like 2k cuz I suck

warnings: one lil mention of murder, themes of haunting, suggestive content (like kissin and some heavy petting, but nothing explicit y’all), non consensual touching (not in a sexual way, more like ‘omg I think a ghost touched me’ yk), explicit language, chenle is a lil lonely ghost boi, reader simps for him,,,,and forms a relationship,,,,with a ghost,,,,

a/n: FUCK IT ITS FINALLY DONE. FUCK. is this edited??? HAHAH. no

< previous

~12/17/2020~

~~~~

moving out on your own for the first time was hands down probably the scariest thing you’ve had to do in your short life. sure, finding a place that was relatively cheap had you excited at the possibility of having a sense of responsibility, and getting away from your parents was a definite plus, but the entire prospect of being alone was, well, terrifying.

you probably should have asked more questions when agreeing to move into said place; a one bedroom apartment that was big enough to fit you and you only. it was cute and clean, and it was all you needed with the minimal amount of things you had.

the cheap price didn’t raise any red flags in your admittedly stupid and naive brain, but it definitely should have. you cursed yourself looking back at not inquiring about exactly why it was affordable.

about two weeks in is when some weird shit started to go down.

you expected there to be the usual noises that occur in an apartment building, but the ones you heard in the early hours of the morning, every morning, seemed a little bit different.

it sounded like small sniffling, like crying, and sometimes the floorboards would creak softly outside your bedroom door, scaring you beyond belief. you even went as far to ask you neighbor if they had been crying every night, to which she looked at you like you had gone nuts.

the touches started not too long after that.

you felt like you were going insane, but you would swear on whatever god you needed to that there was something touching you at night.

light, feather like traces across the skin of your arms, light presses against your face and shoulders, and the occasional cold poke against your legs had you almost ready to give up on the apartment entirely.

you couldn’t leave though; if you were to break the contract you signed, you would lose an incredible amount of money just for vacating early.

you tried to convince yourself it was just your imagination; stupid childlike paranoia from watching horror movies as a kid.

however much you tried, nothing would be able to convince what was before you currently, was part of your imagination.

“woah, what the fuck?!” you screamed, your eyes widening at the sight of the extremely pale boy standing a few feet in front of you. “who the fuck are you?” you clutched what remained of the pile of laundry in your arms, the rest fallen onto the floor as your heart seemingly beat through your rib cage when he stared back at you in awe.

“wait, you can see me?” he asked quietly, his mouth agape as your face screwed up in confusion.

“what? of course I can see you, what the actual fuck?” you blurted back, subconsciously taking a small step backward, dropping the rest of the clothes as the boy seemed to float forward. his feet didn’t touch the ground and he seemed to slowly become more translucent the farther down his body you looked, shocking you even more.

“oh my god,” your breath was staggered as you became to realize what this boy actually was. “oh my god, are you dead?!”

“well that’s one way to put it, yeah.” he stayed out where he was, not moving forward any more into your space. “I’m a ghost.” he put both his hands up and gave a small sheepish smile. “ta-daaa…”

your brows furrowed in confusion, your idiotic human brain trying to process what was actually going on in your apartment right now.

“so wait a minute,” you started suddenly, bracing your hand on the wall beside you to keep yourself steady. “have you been the one touching me at night? what the hell, dude??” you weren’t sure how it was possible, but a blush rose to his ghostly cheeks.

“I didn’t mean anything creepy by it…” he softly spoke, looking down at his feet. “I just haven’t felt any human contact in a...very long time. I’m sorry.”

you wanted to be more angry at him, but then thoughts swirled into your mind of how lonely he must have been, and how long he could have possibly been here on his own.

you continued to converse with the ghost boy (crazy, you were aware) and came to find out that he was actually straight up murdered in this exact apartment about twenty years ago. the most surprising part was that the damn apartment building you were living in has been around that long, considering it’s shady history.

chenle was visibly upset talking about it, sparing the gory details but explaining enough for you to understand that he was killed in his sleep during a robbery turned hostile. it made your heart ache knowing that he died alone, and has been alone ever since.

sure, there were people living in this place before you, but no one stayed long, for obvious reasons. they either found out the history of the murder or were scared away by chenle who was just trying to fill the whole in his dead, ghostly heart.

“you’re gonna leave, aren’t you?” he finally asked, his voice somber.

you did consider it before, but now it felt wrong to do, especially after meeting and somewhat befriending the exact thing that was potentially going to drive you away.

“no,” you replied solidly, shocking him as his head shot up to look at you. “I’m not going anywhere, now that I know you’re not gonna like, try to kill me or anything.”

you tried to joke to make the atmosphere more lighthearted, and it seemed to work as a chuckle escaped him. you sat in silence for a few moments, before a realization hit you.

“wait, wait,” you put a hand out in front of you in emphasis, surprising the boy in front of you. “how are you able to touch things?” you paused for a moment, “and me?”

the boy, chenle, rolled his eyes at you before looking at you with a void expression. “jeez, everyone has the stereotypes so messed up. have you ever seen the movie ghost with patrick swayze? it came out in like 1990.”

you blinked at him a few times before nodding slowly, having an idea of where he was going with his point.

“yeah well, it’s like that,” he paused, coming closer to you and reaching his hand out tentatively, trying to gauge your reaction. “if we just practice enough,” He was close now, directly in front of you with his hand hovering over your arm. “we can touch whatever we want, whenever we want.” his hand wrapped around your wrist gently to prove his words to be true, and you softly gasped at the feeling, still trying to wrap your head around this crazy scenario you were living in.

“that’s nice,” you said, slightly nervous at your own reaction to him touching you. you couldn’t deny that it didn’t feel nice to have someone caress your skin so gently…

he stared at you silently, his face seemingly emotionless as he held you. it didn’t take a genius to decipher the look in his eyes, however. glistening with life and longing, looking at you like you were the only person in the world...and you supposed to him, you were.

“you’re so…” he started, his voice quiet as his other hand reached out to touch your face. hesitant at first, he drew his hand back a millimeter, before letting his fingers brush against your cheek as you sighed and found yourself leaning into him. “pretty. so pretty.”

it seemed crazy; this raw form of attraction at first sight that you were feeling. you had no doubt he was experiencing it too, just from his confession alone.

your lips parted to speak, but no words came forth as you brain short circuited, taking in his handsome features as you finally realized just how attractive he was.

the hand that was holding your wrist slowly slid up your arm, causing your skin to prickle at the sensation of his touch on your skin. it slid up over your shoulder and up your neck, to finally rest on your cheek like his other hand was now doing.

the moment was insanely soft and intimate, and even though his hands were slightly cold, the air around you both seemed to grow warmer and warmer with every passing second, almost suffocating you with each shaking breath you took.

without a second thought, you lunged forward into his space, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and kissing him softly, his hands dropping from your cheeks to rest on your waist as a surprised grunt came from within him.

‘this is so crazy’, you thought, leading him into your room as you kept your lips attached, ‘absolutely insane.’

you weren’t sure how this even came to happen; you’d never thought you’d be flat on your back against your mattress while a literal ghost boy ran his hands up and down your waist as he kissed you like a man starved. you were still slightly convinced that he was a figment of your imagination; he felt so real, nothing like what you assumed a ghost would feel like against your skin.

his hands weren’t as warm as a living humans would be, but you still relished in the feeling of his fingers gripping at the skin of your waist, holding you close to him as he kissed you without holding back.

you highly expected him to be shy and inexperienced; since he had died so young you figured he wouldn’t know what to do.

it was a stupid assumption, to say the least.

you gripped his hair gently and tried to sit up, only to have him keep you down as he sweetly moved his mouth against your own. his grip was becoming more needy and before it could go too far, you pulled back.

you relished in the sight of his red puffy lips, seemingly so alive and human, like blood was still coursing through his veins. his eyes showed wide, blown out pupils as he stared down at you, his eyes hooded slightly.

he licked his lips once before softly falling beside you, his shoulder brushing yours as you both laid in the middle of your mattress in a calming silence.

“well that was a strange turn of events.” you panted, curling your body beside him as you tried to catch your breath. who knew that a dead boy would be such a damn good kisser?

he smirked at you in response, not saying anything as he grabbed your hand in his.

“now you definitely can’t go anywhere. I’m attached.” he teased, looking at you longingly with a cheeky smile on his face. you rolled your eyes but still smiled nonetheless, knowing that you wouldn’t be going anywhere anyway, for a very long time.

you weren’t sure how this was all going to work out, but you’d figure it out as you went along, together.

[psychewithwings]

Jirou

Jirou x F!reader

Warnings: fluff, super fluff... use the name of someone who done you wrong in place of _______

Kyouka stood in the door way of your house. She was carrying a bag of snacks in one hand and her keys in the other. She took in your tear stained face and furrowed her brow. She took a deep breath and grabbed your hand dragging you towards her car. “Get in,” she commanded, reading your uncertain vibe. “Wh-where are we going?” You knew the answer to this question already but you wanted to hear her say it just so you could object. She climbed into the drivers seat of her black jeep and rolled her eyes. “Pull up that girl’s story,” she instructed. You knew it was better to just do what she said than argue with her. 

You found the girl on instagram and played her story for Kyouka. You watched her face twist in disgust as she saw another girl kissing on the person you had been dating, _______. “Wanker,” she grumbled and took off down the road. You watched as the street lamps took on the shape of stars through your wet eyes. “We don’t even know where they are,” you groaned impatiently. Kyouka laughed, “yeah we do, that girl was posting everything dude, they’re at that Italian desserts place as of 5 minutes ago... what’s it called... ‘Love you, Tiramisu.’” You put your head in your hands, “I asked _______ to take me there today... I guess they blew me off, on Valentines for another girl.” Jirou put her hand on your knee and you looked over to see her hand on your jeans. She always had chipped black fingernail polish, and today there was an addition of black jelly bracelets. You followed up her bare arm, the small tattoo of  the raven that sat on her tricep. “Hey, at least you know you give good date ideas,” she smiled. You watched her smug expression as she drove the car one handed.  You laughed, pained by her teasing. “Like they couldn’t be more creative?” she pushed. You smiled over at her and took her hand. 

“I really appreciate what you’re trying to do but, I think I’d rather just go back and eat the snacks and try not to cry,” you mumbled. Jirou squeezed your hand and said something she said to you often. “I’m gonna be honest with you and it’s only because I love you okay?” You gave an exasperated sigh, waiting for what painfully honest truth she was going to reveal this time. “You date these kinda people a lot. It’s not your fault... people are trash but... you gotta break the pattern with honesty.” You turned to look at her. “So what? I’m supposed to just roll up and tell them how I feel?” “Yep, you gotta get it out of your system.” You hated that she was right. Jirou was always right. You sighed, “can we at least go get changed... I don’t want _______ to see me like this...” Jirou turned to look at you, “like what? you always look hot.” You grumbled and looked away from her. “I’m serious, you’re beautiful,” she insisted. 

~

Jirou looked back to the road, gripping the steering wheel. Was that too obvious? She had liked you for so long. There were so many reasons she hadn’t told you sooner, the biggest being you were one of her closest friends.  She really valued you, your kind hearted nature, your sensitivity, even if you kept it hidden from most people... But you didn’t from her. You were becoming her greatest muse. Jirou couldn’t keep count of how many songs she’d written about you. It was getting a little out of control but she loved how you’d close your eyes and that peaceful smile would play across your face whenever she’d play for you. She knew there was a strong possibility that you would never return her feelings but with her hand on your leg she felt content to just love you in whatever way you would let her. 

Kyouka pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. “Hang on,” she said, and leaned over you to open the glove box. The smell of your shampoo and laundry detergent was intoxicating. She grabbed the microphone and plugged it into a jack in the car. “How? How do you even have a mic hookup in your car???” Jirou gave you a sly smile as she rolled down all the windows and cranked the volume up as loud as it would go. “This was from way back when Kaminari and I thought we could have a traveling band.” She took a deep breath and then spoke using her raspy, sultry voice. “Could I have the attention of everyone in this fine establishment?” Her voice reverberated through the sound system of her jeep and out into the night air. You burst out laughing half in anxiety, half in amusement of her brazenness.

 The doors swung open and a man wearing a white button up and a tie hurried out. He was still carrying an empty tray. He looked around flustered before approaching Jirou’s car. “Ma’am, you can not...” he paused not even sure how to describe it. “This is- you’re disrupting our patrons-” Jirou sighed, “yeah, it’s just that my friend here...” she gestured to you and you gave a small wave. “She got cheated on and I’m just trying to make her feel better, cuz ya know,” she leaned in and whispered, “it’s Valentines Day.” The man gave a nod and pondered what Jirou was saying. He opened his mouth to say something else and she slipped him a 50. “Listen, the cheating fuck is in there with another girl, we’re gonna buy a bunch of desserts after this, we just need a few minutes.” The man nodded his head understanding. He slipped the 50 back to her and held up his finger. He rushed back the way he came and disappeared into the restaurant. 

Kyouka looked over at you and giggled, shrugging her shoulders with you. “Thanks for this,” you said staring out the windshield. Jirou nodded and  you grabbed her hand. Her cheeks flushed when you started rubbing small circles with your thumb against her skin. There was a stillness that had settled over the car. Kyouka flicked her eyes towards you and you were looking back. “This is what it’s supposed to feel like... isn’t it?” Jirou blinked... the way you were looking at her had the butterflies swirling in her stomach and her heart hammering in her chest. “W-what’s what supposed to feel like?” “Love,” you clarified. Although it wasn’t very clear. 

~

Just then the restaurant doors opened and 20 patrons filed out. “What’s this all about?” a woman asked, clutching her purse. The waiter from before explained to her, “we just have a special Valentines announcement for this evening.” You locked eyes with _______ and you watched their eyes get wide as they let go of the hand of the girl from instagram. Jirou smiled at you encouragingly and spoke into the mic once again. “Thank you all for coming, we just have a brief announcement to make and then we will let you get back to your night.” She handed you the microphone and you took a deep breath. 

“Hey _______, hope you’re having a great time... being a liar.” Something was shifting inside of you, you were feeling a strange surge of power. “Everyone, I would just like you to know that I have been dating this person for 3 months and I asked them if they wanted to come here with me on Valentines Day... they told me they had to work tonight... and you know what _______? That’s horse shit... If you didn’t want to see me anymore you could have just been honest with me. Well anyways...” 

You watched as the girl began to turn and walk away from _______. _______ stared at you blankly through the glass of the windshield. People around murmuring and even the woman from before looked at them disapprovingly and said, “that’s terrible, why would you do that to that nice girl.” They looked as if they wanted to say something but turned instead and chased after the girl. You let out a big sigh and then started to laugh, your hands shaking slightly from adrenaline. You passed the mic back to Jirou who said, “that’s all folks, time to eat tiramisu.” 

The restaurant actually gave you a hell of a discount for the emotional stress that you had been through. Walking out of the restaurant you were laughing with Kyouka. “Man, what a weird day...” you sighed as you walked back to the car. Jirou giggled, “this was a great day what are you talking about? They gave us free stuff!” She held up the paper to-go bag. You laughed, “we will be back for sure.” Jirou started to get back into the drivers side of the car but you took her hand and pulled her back towards you. You put your hand softly on her shoulder. “I meant what I said earlier,” you murmured. You watched as her eyes became wide and then she turned her head away. “When you said what?” she asked. You smiled and leaned in closer. “That this, is what love is supposed to feel like.” Jirou closed her eyes and listened to her heartbeat in her ears... and when your lips touched hers, she heard the loudest silence.

[winchester-with-wings]

I Saw You First

“An Angel & Her Assassin” sequel

Patron Benefit Fanfic for @softdudebro​!

Pairing:  College AU - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Author's Notes:  People have asked for sequels to this fic and I gave it a shot. I thought I'd dedicate this to Tomorrow since they like Bucky :) hopefully this is a good continuation and elicits some college feels cuz it definitely did for me! Hope ya'll like it!

Summary/Request:   The story of the first time you and Bucky saw each other but didn't actually meet. Then a flash forward to the present. smut.

**inspired by that one video of Seb working out** gif post

Word Count: 1700ish

Wanna get previews, early access and make exclusive requests? Become a Patron! You can follow my Patreon for free too as some stuff becomes public after a while. I’ll be adding a discord server benefit soon too!

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---------------------------------------------------

Bucky noticed you before he ever encountered you in the laundry room or the elevator of your dorm building. It figures that it would be at the gym, likely one of the regular places he frequented. Of course, you never knew this until after that fateful night at the Halloween party when you finally, truly connected.

When you asked him to tell you the story, he was playfully vague. But you know. You were there. You’d checked him out too.

Here’s how it really happened.

-----

The summer after your freshman year, you created another reading list to focus on. One of your methods to read these had been to take a book with you to the gym. You figured getting a little exercise at the same time would only help you develop better habits.

It worked, at first. The beginning of the new semester, you went to the gym for maybe two weeks? You enjoyed the ellipticals and recumbent bikes--the things that kept your legs busy but your hands and eyes free to read. It also distracted you from feeling self-conscious about the fact that you didn’t look like the other girls that came to the gym to socialize and work on their already-perfect bodies.

With the addition of classes, going to the gym became a harder habit to keep. You could just stay in your dorm room and read all you want, right? But by now, Rachel, your roommate needed a work-out buddy. Someone to motivate her to continue to go to the gym, as well. She claimed she wanted to get in shape for all the boys she’d scoped out at the floor meeting for the dorm during the first week of the semester.

“Let’s try the classes!” she suggested, pointing at the schedule on the wall. Step Aerobics, Yoga, Zumba, etc. They sounded alright, and maybe a change to your routine would be good.

So you started with the step aerobics class. You didn’t last long. You were breathing hard, face flushed and dripping with sweat. The blood was pounding in your ears, harder than the beats of music and every step on the hardwood floor and plastic steps.

You took a break, heading to the back of the class to get your water bottle. The back of the room was floor to ceiling windows and doors that faced the main area of the gym where all other equipment was. It took you only a second to realize why you disliked this set up. Everyone in the class, mostly other female students were in a fishbowl, on display for all the guys passing by or just blatantly standing at the windows. One guy winked at you and you scowled at him, effectively directing his eyes elsewhere.

What was so sexy about a sweaty step aerobics class? You thought to yourself as you turned to look at Rachel, killing it on the routine.

Oh, the butts, getting toned by the steps...Ugh!

You left after that, picking a leg press machine instead.

“Hey! Why you’d you leave?” Rachel asked after the class was over.

“Did you not see all the guys window shopping?”

“Uh, yeah, I got a number or two,” Rachel giggled, swinging her ponytail over her shoulder. You laughed as you got off the machine, offering it to your friend. She sat down and lowered the weight, significantly.

“I don’t come here to pick up guys.”

“You could if you wanted to,” she said, exhaling on the release. You just rolled your eyes. You told yourself it was because you didn’t have time for a man but really, how could you possibly expect to attract the interest of some jock? The guy that winked at you doesn’t count. He was disqualified the moment he decided to drool over a step aerobics class rather than work out. Your standards weren’t that low, seriously…

You and Rachel tried out a few more machines in the circuit, trying your own hands at strength training. But you realized quickly that you’d left the quieter space of the cardio equipment, too close to the weight lifting benches. Young men of all sizes were pushing themselves to the brink, breathing hard, grunting, exhaling, chanting, and egging each other on.

“Come on, Sam, you can do it! Just two more!” You knew that voice. Everyone on your floor knew Steve Rogers, quarterback, certified hunk and sweetheart. Or at least that’s what you had heard.

“He can’t do it.”

“Shut up, Buck!” a football player shouted as he pushed himself.

Too much testosterone. Intense. Stressful. Intimidating. That’s not what you wanted out of going to the gym. Quite the opposite really.

As you two left the gym, you made a mental note to avoid that area again.

-

The next class you attended was Zumba and not only did you keep up with it but you enjoyed it! The music was awesome and the choreography wasn’t too difficult. You could totally see yourself doing this again. But of course, boys… not men… boys…they ruin all the fun.

If step aerobics could catch the attention of onlookers, then zumba was like blood in the water for sharks.

Then again, you did feel sexy, swaying your hips, waving your hands, rolling your body. You decided to put the spectators out of your mind, losing yourself to a Shakira song.

When you left the class, having stayed for the entire thing and deciding to return tomorrow, you felt so good, so confident, that you didn’t care about who was looking. You were just in Nike leggings and a tie-dye shirt, hair up in a messy bun, nothing special, but you felt great.

“Hey, Rach!” someone called out for your friend, inviting her back over to the weight lifting area. The guy who called out for her looked familiar, someone that was likely found hanging out with Steve Rogers.

“Hey Sam,” she greeted him. You stayed by her side, holding onto that Zumba confidence with a steely grip.

You didn’t really listen to what happened between your friend and the football player. You saw Steve a few feet away with another friend. The man was on his back, legs bent and giant dumbbell weights in each hand. Your eyes went wide as you watched him push them up and hold them there. The way his arms were bulging in that gray t-shirt, he was straining himself and you were tempted to tell him to be careful.

“Give me one more!” Steve encouraged him. His friend winced as that last push was almost too much for him.

“Ah, fuck,” he hissed, exhaling and grinding his teeth. He pushed those dumbbells into the air once more and even a second time, then put them down with a loud thud as rubber met the concrete floor.

You didn’t have the best view of his face from his position on the ground and your standing position over 6 feet away, but that sound...like a growl, and his bared white teeth against that strong jaw covered in stubble…it’s a sound that stirred something deep in your belly.

He jumped to his feet and did a few quick squats in those black basketball shorts. You averted your eyes from his perfect ass just as he turned around.

You wouldn’t mind if he’d been watching you dance.

-------

“Ah, fuck.”

It’s the same sound that he made now as you sit on top of him, his hips thrusting up. His fingers were digging into your hips and would likely leave a bruise, but you didn’t mind. You were Bucky’s and he was yours. You’d staked your claim with that hickey on his chest just the other night.

“Mmph, fuck, damn it. I love it when you move like that,” he grunted. You rolled your hips, earning another moan from his lips before you leaned forward and pressed your chest to his, kissing him. He wrapped his arms around you and pinned you to him as he sat up and rolled over. The grunts and squeaks coming from the two of you as Bucky repositioned himself on top were ridiculous.

“Quit giggling,” he half-laughed. “M’gonna pull a muscle in this bed, I swear.” Your head hit the pillow with a ‘oof’ and another giggle. “Dammit, babe, you make it hard to fuck you when you sound that cute.”

“Then don’t fuck me…” Bucky’s hips froze, his cock buried deep inside you. His sharp features softened with outright confusion and a slight insecurity. You reached up to caress the side of his face, the stubble on his cheek itching your palm. “Make love to me.” Bucky released a heavy sigh, rolled his eyes and collapsed on top of you.

“Don’t mess with me like that, Doll,” he whispered into your hair, using your new favorite pet name. His slow thrusts picked up again while he kept his face next to yours. You held onto him for dear life as the tension inside you continued to build until your arched back signaled your release. Bucky kept pumping until the lasting effects of your orgasm sent him over the edge. Rather than stopping completely, he slowed down until the only movement was a twitch of pleasure every now and then. “Oh my god,” he whispered, peppering kisses on your shoulder. “I’m taking you to dinner.”

“Why?” you laughed.

“I’m sorry, darlin, are you turning down a free meal? Is it the company? Do you just use me for my body?” Bucky climbed off of you but you reached out for him; He stumbled as he fully ejected himself from the bed.

“Nonono, that’s not what I said!” you said, as you continued to laugh. “I’m just wondering...if that’s your way of paying me for my services,” you wiggled your eyebrows, a hint at your teasing. Bucky snapped a finger and pointed at you, putting on his own mock serious face.

“Hooker, I’m taking you to dinner because I want to.” Having cleaned himself up, Bucky tugged on his basketball shorts and a t-shirt he’d left in your dorm room the other day. The boy considered your floor his own personal closet. “We’ve stayed in, ordered food and watched movies and you’ve even helped me with my papers. You deserve to go out to an actual restaurant.”

“Okay, well, we should probably shower before we go out.”

“Oh, I agree but I can’t share that shower with you. It was too dangerous the first time. Never again.”

You picked up your towel and toiletries as Bucky sat in a bean bag chair on your floor. You tapped him on the nose.

“Never say never, Buck,” you said with a wink.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tagging: @abbessolute​ @book-loving--anime-chick​ @faithtrustandpixiedust95​ @fabinapercabeth4179​ @thinkwritexpress-official​ @autoblocked​ @therealcap​ @mathle0matle​ @whoopxd​ @bookworm4ever99​ @geeksareunique​ @bucky-plums-barnes​ @pottxrwolff​ @ravenhaviland​ @melaninspice11​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @fvckingavengers​ @officialcaptain-marvel​ @sebbytrash​

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[isthatyouharrington]

Billy Hargrove Imagine

REQUEST : Could you write something like where you have liked Billy for a while but never showed it and always were kinda rude to him cuz you thought he was trying to get your name checked off of his list but he proves you otherwise? Or something like that

I love stuff like this, I love for sexual tension and also I love the idea of Billy wanting someone who isn’t all over him like the rest of the girls in their class.

Warnings : language, smut, angst

word count : 2, 563

Tag List : @schulky56, @powerstrangerdacre​ @barnes-natasha @richardbemadden

   Billy Hargrove wasn’t someone you ever wanted to associate yourself with. In school he was an ass, not ever to you directly but you seen how he acted. You weren’t like your friends, swooning over him and trying to get his attention. The two of you have never even really spoken, that was until he showed up for lifeguard training. You weren’t a new lifeguard. You’d don’t it the last three years. You were one of the trainers this year and who did you get paired up to train? BILLY HARGROVE. Needless to say you weren’t happy.

    You handed him shorts, a t-shirt, a whistle and a hoodie. “These are just to start you off. You can order other’s if you need them.” You tell him. He already looks board. “You know this is a serious job right? Like you can’t just bullshit your way through it like you did, Mrs. Conrad’s class.” You tell him as he takes the clothes and whistle from you. He’s chewing gum and it’s bothering you. Mainly because he makes it look good. You really hate that he makes it look good. “I mean this is looking after people. Their lives. You have to be caring and alert or someone could die.” You continue.

   He steps closer to you and you can’t help but back up and look away from him avoiding eye contact. “I’m aware. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I was a lifeguard, back in California. At the beach. Personally I think that’s a more serious job than this. Seeing as here, I just gotta worry about asshole kids who don’t follow the rules, whereas back there, there was things like jelly fish and sharks.” He said in a tone you really didn’t like.

   You let out a breath and nod. “Well then you should wiz right on through this trainer.” You gave him a smile and he smiled right back. It made you roll your eyes. “First is CPR. You know how to do that?” You ask him.

    He looks at you and nods. “Yeah, got a dummy? Or do I get to practice on you?” Billy smirked his eyes moving down to your chest, where your swimming suit dipped and shower of your cleavage.

   You reached a hand up an snapped your fingers in his face. That earned you a reaction you NEVER thought you’d get from Billy Hargrove. He flinched. He eyes shot to yours, they were wide and he looked scared. You’d never seen Billy scared before. Up until this minute you didn’t think it was possible. The reaction lasted for a second or two before he composed himself. “I...” You said softly. “Alright let’s go.” You beckoned him one to follow you. Part of you wanted to say you were sorry but another part felt you should just leave it alone.

   He passed the CPR part no problem. You didn’t really talk much. You bit your tongue. His reaction to you snapping in his face made you uneasy. You kept thinking about it. So much that it was distracting you. “y/n. y/n?” Billy called to you and you were pulled back to reality.

   “Sorry...” You said softly. “I just.” Your eyes moved down to your watch. “It’s time for your lunch break.” You says checking off the first aid part of the list. You were actually pretty confident that he would be an amazing lifeguard. He knew his stuff and he was serious about it.

    You sat in on of the chairs eating the sandwich that your mom had made for you. You looked across the pool and saw Heather talking to Freddy. You rolled your eyes. You and Zoe hadn’t really ever been close, but she knew you had liked Freddy. You heard they’d started hooking up over the summer and of course you were annoyed. “You’re prettier.” A voice said softly. You looked up to see Billy moving to sit in the chair next to yours. Again your eyes rolled. “You do that a lot. Roll your eyes at me.” He smirked. “It would piss me off if it wasn’t so damn cute.” The more he talked the more annoyed you got.

    “I’m not gonna sleep with you Billy.” You say flat out. He looked at you with and his mouth seemed to fall open. “What? You didn’t think I wouldn’t notice? The way you look at me, the way you let your hand graze my back or arm during training. The little compliments. “I’m not stupid and I’m not falling for your charm, like every other girl does. “I not gonna be another name on your list.” You shook your head.

     Billy looked at you before taking a bite of his own sandwich. He chewed for a bit before speaking. “I really earned myself a reputation here in Hawkins huh?” Billy asked with a chuckled. “I mean, I guess most of the stuff you hear is true, I am an asshole and yes, I really enjoy sex.” He said wiping his mouth. “You I don’t know if you could actually handle me. I mean, I’m sure you could handle Freddy. He seems like he’d take it easy, finish quick. He’s perfect. Me on the other hand. When I fuck a girl.” He leaned in. So close that your breath hitched. “I make it last. I have you screaming. I make sure you have fun. I’m not done until YOU finish. I leave your trembling. I don’t know if your ready for that just yet, y/n.” He said before getting up and walking away.

   You let out a long breath and watched as he walked away. You found yourself staring at his ass. It looked great in the shorts you’d given him. 

~

   It had been a few weeks since the pool opened for the summer and it seemed like you just couldn’t get away from Billy. You were paired up with him EVERY shift. As soon as Freddy and Heather were done, you and Billy were up. You sat in your life guard stands at the same time. You had to see him sit there and look great. His skin glistened in the sun. You also noticed a new tattoo on his arm. He hadn’t had that in school. He yelled. A LOT. He also flirted a lot. It annoyed you. You hated that he was on your mind. You never wanted to feel the way you did. Billy wasn’t the kind of guy you wanted to like.

    You watched as he put his whistle to his lips and blew it hard. It was as if time stopped. People in the pool looked at him. “EVERYONE OUT! CLOSING TIME!” He shouted. Just like that they listened. You couldn’t help but smirk.

     You walked around the pool picking up toys and towels. Billy rolled passed you with the cart and you dropped the wet towels into them. “Mind if I head out?” He asked. “The chairs are all wiped down and I’m gonna put these towels in the washer.”

    You looked up at him. “Yeah.” You nodded. Billy looked at you. More like studied you. His eyes narrowed.

     “What?” He asked with a smirk. “You look all pouty Little Miss. What’s wrong, you gonna miss me? I promise, you’ll see me tomorrow.” He tells you. Little Miss. A nickname he’d given you. One that could make you weak in the knees.

     Your eyes drift away from his. “You know I’m pretty great at reading lips.” You tell him. “My tv in my room when I was little didn’t have sound. So I just picked up the talent.” You tells him. He looks at you, confused and you can tell that he had no clue what your talking about. “Don’t go Billy.” You tell him. Your hand reaches for his. “It’s not worth it.” You didn’t know if you were more concerned or jealous. “I mean I don’t get it. Maybe it has something to do with your mom not being around.” You really didn’t know much about Billy’s home life, but like he lived with his dad, step mom and step sister.

    He hand moved away from yours, quickly. “Shut up.” He said looking mad. You’d never really seen him mad, and it being directed at you made your stomach turn. “You don’t know SHIT about me and what I do is none of your damn business.” Billy’s hand comes up and he grabs your chin. For how mad he looks, he’s gentle. “Jealously isn’t a good look on you, Little Miss.” He said softly. “I told you before. I enjoy sex. That’s why I did what I do. Not for ANY other reason you think. Understand?” You look at him and nod.

   You sigh when he lets you go. “I could you know?” You call after him. He stops. Your heart pounded in your chest. You really didn’t know what you were doing. You felt protective and also jealous.

   Billy turned. “Could what?” He looked at you. “What the hell are you talking about y/n?” He looked annoyed.

    You sighed. “Handle you. You said I couldn’t. I could.” You walked towards you. “But maybe I not mature enough.” You shrugged as you walked passed him and took the cart of towels. “I got these. Just go Billy.” You turned and moved towards the laundry room.

    Once you finished locking everything up you headed for the showers. You felt like you were on the verge of tears which made you feel stupid. You turned on the shower and let it warm up before going to your locker to grab your shampoo and conditioner.

    You hear the door to the locker room shut and you looked up, seeing Billy. You thought he’d left. “Billy what are you?” He moved towards and before you could say more his lips were on yours. Your breath hitched and your knees nearly gave out. His hands moved to my back. The towel you had around you was pulled off. He stopped looking down at you.

   “Are you sure?” He asked. Your whole body was on display to him and he wasn’t looking anywhere but at your eyes. You looked up at him, pressing your body into his. You knew what he was asking. “I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t. Just remember what you said.” A smirk made it’s way to your lips.

   “Jump.” He said and you did. He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waste. He walked over to the showers, getting into the one you had turned on. The warm water hit you both. Billy pressed you against the tiled wall and you shivered. You loosened your legs and he pulled back as your hands reached down. You pushed his red swim trunks down and reached for him. Your hand wrapped around his length. You watched as Billy closed your eyes. You began pumping your hand. You weren’t a virgin. You’d lost it in tenth grade to Steve Harrington at one of Tina’s parties and you had a few boyfriends since then, but none of them had made you feel like Billy did. “Stop.” He said after a while. “You on the pill?” His voice was low. You looked up at him as you pulled your hands from him. You nodded and he smirked. “You a virgin?” He asked.

    You shake your head. “No.” You tell him. “Steve...” You didn’t really know WHY you were telling him this. Maybe because you knew Billy didn’t really like him much. You watched as Billy’s eyes rolled, but he smirked none the less.

   “Well I can promise you, I gonna make your few a whole lot better than Pretty Boy EVER did.” He said with a nod, before tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. You looked down as he moved, positioning himself at your entrance. A moan escaped your lips at the sight. Billy’s hand move to your chin and he pulled your face. “I want you to look me in the eyes when I fuck you.” He you said before sliding into you. Another moan escaped your lips. You grabbed onto his shoulders. He was a lot to adjust to but he waited. Letting your body get used to the feeling of him inside you.

    His hips moved forwards slowly until he bottomed out. You watched, looking up at him as he smirked down at you. The look on his face alone could have made your cum. You smirked, noticing that he was looking down where you two were connected. You cleared your throat. “Look at me when you fuck me.” He said. His eyes met yours and this time he rolled his eyes. He pulled his hips back slowly before thrusting hard into you.

   Your nails dug into his shoulder and you let out a loud moan that echoed throughout the locker room. “That’s what I thought.” Billy chuckled. He began moving his hips at a steady and fast pace. Your nails racked at his arms and sides as he fucked you into the wall of the shower. The water grew cooler as the time went on. Soon you felt a knot forming in your stomach and you moaned. Your hand moved down between you an your fingers found your clit. You looked up at Billy as he let out what sounded like a growl. “Oh fuck...” He chuckled and his hips moved faster. His lips moved to your ear. “Cum for me Little Miss.” He whispered.

    Your walls clenched around him at your words and strangled moans escaped your lips as he your orgasm hit you. Billy’s hips didn’t stop after you came and keeping truth to what he’d said to your that first day of training. He waited, until you were done. Billy buries his head into your neck and lets out a few grunts as he moves his hips into yours a few more times. Your heart his pounding in your ears when he stops. He doesn’t move. You cling to him, worried if you try to stand your fall.

   He pulls back and slips out of your. You whine softly, already missing the feeling of him inside you. You look up at him. His arms stay around you as he sets you onto the tiled floor. He doesn’t say anything. He turns your around, his hand stays on your waste. You lean your hands against the tile trying to catch your breath. “Billy?” You said softly.

   You hear the click of a bottle and feel his hands in your hair. He tips your head back for a second to wet your hair before he waters to lather shampoo into it. He leans in and his lips touch your ear, kissing it. “Thank you...” He tells you softly. You don’t really know exactly what he’s thanking you for but you have a feeling. He could have done something tonight. Something wrong. Instead he stayed. For you.

   “There’s this fair on the fourth. I think you should take me.” You smirk. “It’ll be fun, I’ll make it worth your while.” You look back at him. He tips your head back again.

   “Close your eyes.” You tells you softly. “Maybe...if you’re a good girl.” You can’t see his face but you know he’s smirking. His fingers run through your hair, washing it.

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 18/20

Cold is the Night - 18/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost. 

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here. 

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

"So, like, are we ever going to wear clothes again?" Pat asked.

You both were currently sprawled across your bed, still completely naked. It had been well over twenty-four hours since the game and you'd lost track of how many times you had sex. Your phones had been turned back on, just in case anyone was trying to reach you. But by pure luck, you hadn't been bothered.

"Well, we do have to work tomorrow," you said, munching on a granola bar. "Also, condoms are running low."

"Boooo!" Pat exclaimed.

Laughing, you handed him the granola bar and turned on your side to face him. "I know. Real-life sucks sometimes."

“Not all the time.” Pat cupped your cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “This is real and it’s pretty fucking great.”

You smiled. “When did we get so mushy?”

“I don’t know. It’s gross isn’t it?”

“Disgusting.” Still smiling, you leaned into his kiss, relishing the contact. No matter how many times he kissed you, it felt just as thrilling and exciting as the first. When Pat pulled back, he tweaked your nose. 

"Oh, I meant to tell you, I got my schedule changed," he grinned, taking a bite from the bar. "I work nights now too."

"Really?! So we can do breakfast together tomorrow?" you asked excitedly.

"Fuck yeah. How about the diner down the street?"

"Yessss!" you pumped your fist in excitement. "As fun as that sounds, I wish we could stay in this bubble forever."

Pat threw the empty wrapper on the floor before he turned to face you as well. "Let's not think about responsibilities. Right here and now, it's just you and me."

Grinning, you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. "I like the sound of that."

He kissed your forehead. "Me too."

You held each other close, simply enjoying the warmth and the sound of rain tapping at your window. In the distance, you heard a roll of thunder and you snuggled closer. 

"So are we still moving slowly or are we throwing that out the window now that we've said the magic words?" you asked.

Pat chuckled. "I'm fine still going slow if you need to," he said. "I'm not going anywhere."

You thought about your feelings, how scared you were to tell Pat you loved him, and how quickly he responded when you did. He had proved to you again and again that he respected your feelings and boundaries. He was also willing to work on his own problematic behavior while not insulting yours.

"I say, fuck it," you declared, propping yourself up on your elbow so you could lean over him. "We're young. We're in love. I want to enjoy it to the fullest extent."

Grinning, Pat pulled you on top of him. "Sounds good to me. What did you have in mind?"

You bit your lip before reaching into your nightstand. You pulled out a spare set of keys to your apartment, carefully placing them in his hand.

"There. Now you don't have to wait for me to come home. You can come over whenever you want," you said. "I give you full permission to let yourself in."

Pat's eyes widened and he closed his hand around the key, cradling it to his chest. "This is amazing. I don't know what to say."

Smirking, you placed a kiss on his lips before slowly sliding down his body. "How about you just moan?" you suggested with a wag of your eyebrows.

The key was tossed back onto the nightstand and his hands seized your arms to stop you. His hand slid into your hair and he pulled you into another kiss, this was hungrier than before. “You know what I want right now,” he purred between kisses, one hand sliding down to grab your ass. 

“Mmm, what’s that?”

“I want you to ride me.”

You reached over and felt until you found an unused condom. Pat kissed his way to your neck as his hand slid between your legs. "How are we still going?" you wondered out loud before moaning.

"No idea. Do you want to stop?"

"God no," you urged, tugging on his hair to make him look at you. "But we should get some rest after."

"If you say so."

Talking ceased once more primal urges too over. 

The next morning when your alarm went off the two of you groaned in unison. 

"Ugh, make it stop," Pat whined, burying his face in the pillow.

You managed to hit snooze before stretching luxuriously. Your body never felt so loose and tension-free before. With a soft moan, you sank back against the mattress. 

Pat peeked out from the pillow. "The sound of you moaning just goes straight to my dick now."

You chuckled, slapping his ass before sitting up. "We've had plenty of that in the last two days. Plus I'm super sore."

Your boyfriend pouted before pushing up on his hands to look at the time. "Why the fuck are we up so early?"

"Cuz there's actually shit to do," you said, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. "Breakfast, groceries…" You plucked at the bedsheets. "Laundry…"

"Fine but can we at least shower together."

"Oh, for sure."

It took you some time to drag Pat out of bed and into the shower. You were hoping to wash up quickly but you should have known better. Pat "accidentally" dropped the soap and then got handsy when you bent over to pick it up.

By the time you made it to the diner, your body was desperate for a substantial meal. All you had eaten since those pancakes were granola bars, cereal, and ramen. Mainly because that was all you had in your pantry.

Pat seemed just as starved as you were and between the both of you, soon the table was ladled with plates of eggs, bacon, sausages, homefries, and waffles.

"Oh my god, this is the best meal I've ever had!" you declared as you shoveled food into your mouth.

Pat hummed in agreement. "After this, we should get groceries for your house so we can make all this ourselves next time."

"Planning another marathon session already, Murray?" you teased before downing some orange juice.

Pat grinned cheekily. "Babe, you have no idea what I'm planning."

Before you could ask what he meant, someone cleared their throat. You both looked up to find Maz standing there, smiling. "You two seem hungry," he teased. 

"Yes. Yes, we are," you declared proudly. "Here, come join us!" You slid out of the booth and sat next to Pat so that Maz could sit across from you.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude," he said.

"Maz, seriously, we'd love for you to sit with us," Pat assured him.

Maz smiled and accepted the seat. "Don't mind if I do. Should I even bother ordering or is all this not going to be enough?"

You laughed and handed him a clean fork. "Dig in."

He happily did, staring at you both with admiration. "Can I just say, I'm so happy for you guys," he said. "We've all been waiting for this to happen."

"Really?" you asked. "All of you?"

"Yeah, ever since the bar," Maz said. "It was pretty obvious that there was something between you."

Pat slid his arm around your waist, hugging you against his side as he continued to eat with one hand. 

"Maz was the one who told me to ask you out," he said.

"Well, I'm glad you listened to his advice," you replied.

"So, are you going to make it to the next game?" Maz asked. "It's the last one of the season."

"I can't. I have to work," you pouted. 

Pat already knew this but he still pursed his lips in annoyance. You hated how work kept interfering with his games. Next season you'd definitely put in time off on game days.

"Are you nervous?" Pat asked Maz, smoothly changing the subject. "You know, for the draft?"

You had completely forgotten that was coming up.  

Maz gave a small smile and a noncommittal shrug. "Not really," he said. "Whatever happens, happens." He was obviously full of shit. You could see the anxiety in his eyes.

"You deserve it, Maz," you told him. "I hope you get it."

The rest of breakfast past with a more serious tone. In fact, the rest of the day, the bubble started to fade as real-life started to demand attention. When it was time to leave for work, you dropped Pat off at his house.

In his driveway, you put the car in park and both of you took a moment.

"What if we kept driving?" Pat asked. "How far would we get before people noticed we ditched them?"

You laughed. "Probably not very," you said. "Plus, my car isn't the best. It hates long drives."

"We'll take mine then."

Leaning over, you gave him a soft kiss. "As nice as running away with you sounds, we should probably stay."

Pat sighed dramatically. "Yeah, you're probably right. Oh well." He took a deep breath and opened the door to climb out. "I love you. I'll come by after work."

"You better. I gave you that key for a reason."

Smiling, he gave you one more kiss and then was gone. Heart heavy, you drove to work, already missing him. 

What you wouldn't give to have one more day locked in your room, his hands touching you all over while he whispered sweet words in your ear.

The bar was fairly busy when you arrived so you got going quick, making drinks and taking orders as if on auto-pilot. Work used to be everything to you and now that you had something else, something real, you didn't want to be consumed by your job.

A thought came to mind and once it did, you couldn't shake it. Your break eventually rolled around. Determined, you went to your boss's office, knocking on the door. He called for you to come on.

"Hey," he greeted you with a smile. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't fill in when you texted me."

"No worries. I don't expect you to drop everything to come to work at the last minute. I know you have a life outside this place." 

You smiled, thinking of Pat. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. Actually, that's why I'm here. I need to change my shift on Saturday…"

[thehabilableheart]

An open letter to my ex.

03|10|2019 // I genuinely don't think I've ever closed any doors or burned any bridges with anyone.. family, friends, or exes.. who have done me wrong. Tonight, I did, by choice, burn a very toxic bridge.. and I didn't even allow myself to stand and watch the flames burn out, or the wind carry away the ashes. I turned, held up my chin, and walked away. I've never allowed myself to kill relationships out of fear I may be losing something potentially important... But I learned that the only importance a burned or burning bridge holds, is a lesson. Allowing it to fester can cause so much angst… Thank you for being my lesson, sweetheart.  I won't ever allow you or your toxic "love" into my life again. Not yours or anyone else’s. I will always think of what’s best for me and my end goal.

An open letter to my ex who isn’t just an ex, but the one I considered my best friend, too. Usually, I wouldn’t write out the things running through my head about you publicly. I’d send them directly to you. But what good does that do? None. Further, the point of these posts is for people to see me, raw and open. They want to see everything I’m going through. This time, this entry will be a little different than my norm in multiple ways. A more…. Snarky type text, if you will. A bit of a “fuck you” of sorts to a someone I thought would always be my someone. He’s never going to read it though. He doesn’t care enough.

See sweetheart, I love your bravery. No matter what situation you catch yourself in, you always maneuver swiftly and come out of it. Even the ones that could easily ruin you. I admire your strength to keep pushing. No matter what it is in your way. You have an extreme, dark, in depth, intellectual mind. I love the way your brain works. I’ve always been a little envious of your smarts. We both know I lack a bit in that region.. You fully took advantage of that. My lack of logic, some would say. Maybe a lack of common sense. It’s funny. You’re so determined to be someone.. But you’re too caught up in having multiple someones around you, that you’ve become multiple someones, too! You put in so much work everywhere you go, in all that you do, all without breaking face. Even if the majority of the work you’re doing is put into your acting. You’re really good at that. Acting, I mean. You’re so handsome. SO handsome. When you’re focused but also excited about the work you’ve put into new adult (I’m talking guns here!) toys, or those dumb new video games, you’re such a fun energy. OH. Let’s not forget your strong focus on telling stories straight, though. That one is SUPER important. Kind of admirable as well. You make everything you do in life seem so… easy. Just like I did, right? Made things easy? Or was that all 4 of us? (Are there more than 4 over the last 15 years? Hm.) Not much affects you. If it does, well.. we’ve talked about how great of an actor you are. You’re great at pretending.. at being something else. You’re usually day, but I preferred when you were night. Usually you’d get drunk and control fuck me (Can’t say I don’t miss that..Haha. Cuz I do). When was our last time? January 4th was the last night I remember. Then I got completely wasted a week later, almost broke your tv, and woke up without my pants on, with no recollection of how I got to your bed..

You have an authenticity problem.. you have “fraud” written all over your face. You really could just be honest. With me, and her, the second her, and the one between me and the second. Maybe then we all could have trusted you with more than just a decent (sometimes half ass) fuck. You were a good enough distraction. For a while. I’ll give you that. But theres always better. You could have been worth more than just being temporary medicine, though. Sadly, I’ve come to realize that’s really all you were. But you aren’t potent enough. I don’t crave you. I’m not having withdrawals the way I did from A (the one you’re scared I’ll choose over you! [at this point, he’s a MUCH better option]…) when he left me broken before an 8 month deployment. I don’t miss you. I don’t have the urge to wait 8 months for you to come back to me. I’m pretty sure tonight I made the possibility of that extremely non-existent, anyway, am I right? Ha! I wouldn’t come back to me after finding out everything you’re going to find out when you wake up today. 

All of “us” was just a way to ease your tensions, your stresses from all the work you put into pretending you’re someone you’re not, right? It’s been a nice distraction I’m sure. Or maybe, it was your way of focusing on something other than the fact that you’re having to hide and clean your own dirty fucking laundry in plain site, right? So none of us will notice it? You abuse the things that distract from your pain. We’re YOUR medicine. YOU’RE the addicted one. Not us. All of us are capable of walking away. It’s not just us, either. Even your “friends”. Is that too harsh? A little bit painful? Do you even FEEL pain? Maybe you’re like me in the sense that you enjoy being hurt. You enjoy that overwhelming rush because at least you’re feeling something, right?… Silly idea, I think. You’re just extremely fucked in the head. You’ve made me feel fucked in the head too. I’m sure you have your own life experiences to blame. But you don’t get to fuck with other peoples lives because your life is a living nightmare. 

I saw it in your eyes… when you told me we were done because you decided you wanted to be alone and get yourself together, yet now I’m sure you’re fucking every girl in town again (your instagram numbers have gone up again - I already checked out all the sluts)… I saw that you were happy I was leaving. I saw the relief. Even in that last hug getting me and my pup into my car (that you used for months because your second had yours), that was broken down on the street in front of your house for weeks, I saw the excitement. I saw that you were genuinely relieved to be free again. That you were free, truthfully for the first time. Because in 15 years, you’ve never been free. But that didn’t stop you from doing whatever you wanted to. Let’s face it - we’re both the same in the sense that we always have a back up, “so to speak”. (You love that phrase - it still fucking annoys me) We don’t like to be alone. If we aren’t taken by someone, if we aren’t in a solid relationship… we’re sleeping with someone to fill that void.. Not even a void. We both just need that distraction. I’m sure too, that the moment I left.. the moment I drove down that drive…smiles crossed all three of your single, drunk, pathetic faces, “the single brothers are back!”  was shouted, and the shots kept pouring, right? The music got loud again. The feeling of not having a single care in the world returned. Did the cocaine too? Or are we not back there yet? Maybe we’ll wait for summer! Everyone close to us knows how much you enjoy a bit of snow on a bright, sunny day.

You’re a father, you know? To a little girl. One day she’ll be a woman. One day your daughter is going to be her mother. Your second. The middle between the second and me. And me. Have you thought of that? Have you taken a good long look at yourself and evaluated the way you’ve treated any of us? Have you asked “would I be happy if my daughter was with someone like me? A BOY?” Any good parent would say no. Any involved, loving parent would say “FUCK no. Not now, not ever.” But you’re not an involved parent. You’re hardly a loving parent. Visiting twice a year, literally saying you don’t even want to go back home, but you do for her, then you sleep in while she plays with the iPad.. rarely calling her, and when you do, only briefly talking and barely listening to what she has to say.. You can’t deny it. I’ve been in the room with you while you played with your guns and told her you were going to bed around 9:30, just to hang up and turn around to play video games until 2AM. But you’re so full of the lie that is you pretending you’re stronger than you are. You’re so full of the lie that is you pretending you’ve got yourself all pieced together. Pretending you have a plan. Pretending you’re the most amazing human being, man, and father out there. But really. Take a look at yourself. Sit down, evaluate, then ask yourself, “Am I the person I want my daughter to marry?” If you can honestly look at yourself and say yes, I hope she’s smarter than you.

You know that’s why I left them, right? The last two that you listened to and watched me cry over because, you know, you were my best friend? My only “REAL” friend. My 3AM phone calls. The only one who would pick up. The only one who would listen when I didn’t know what to do. And for what? Why’d you do that to me? So you could play with me like a pawn on a game board?! PSH. Fuck you. But anyway, I’m sorry, I’ve gotten a little bit selfishly side tracked. That’s all besides the point of this paragraph. Let me get back to it. The two previous boys I was with. You know who I’m talking about! The one you’re scared I’ll run back to, instead of you, when he’s free again, and the one you convinced me was right to leave? Leaving them was a choice I knew was best to make because I knew I never wanted my daughter to watch me be miserable in my relationships, and I didn’t want her to think it was alright to end up with boys like them. And I most definitely don’t ever want my son raised by a BOY like ALL THREE of you. Your daughter, she deserves a man. He may not be biological. But she has a man in her life. A genuinely good father figure. How sad it isn’t you. Then again, what do I know? My children’s step mother has been a better mother than me here the last two years. At least I’m thankful for her. I let her know that too. I thank her for loving my children as if they are her own. I thank her for being patient, kind, and respectful. I give her credit where it’s due. But again, I’m getting side tracked.

If I remember correctly, she was an accident, right? You didn’t even know for sure if she was yours or not? OH OH! OH! And please, don’t worry yourself at all! You know how social I am. I “don’t know a stranger”. Her mother? I adore her. Such a sweet, respectful, kind, strong, smart fucking woman. (Hopefully the littles come out like her!) But I was under the impression that she was so horrible, sweetheart. But it’s a fucking trend. Her, your second, and the girl between me and #2. All “terrible” women. So what does that say about me? What is your “the truth about my last”? I’ve already spoken to 2 of the 3. It’s easy for all of us to sort out what’s real and what’s fake. I’ll be sure your first gets word on her place in your mind. Or at least her place in the words that come out of your mouth behind her back, since everyone knows you don’t say what you think 1, and 2, you don’t ever tell the truth. I’m finally seeing why men don’t want us to meet their exes. They don’t want us to find out all the fucked up shit they do.

It’s sad that you’re so insecure with the person you are (we know, you’ll never admit it) that you have to make everyone around you look awful. Then when people meet (talk to) them… they’re the exact opposite of everything you’ve said.. Everything you say they’ve done.. YOU DONE DID IT. Not them. You’re making yourself look so bad, sweetheart. Your daughters step-father - the one you’ve undeservingly spoken so low about, while being a low piece of shit your damn self - is loving and raising YOUR child. He’s being a father. Sending child support, and once or twice a month calls, isn’t being a father. I obviously don’t know the guy personally, but I’d recommend thanking him for standing in. I assume very strongly, since your daughter is happy, and according to you - misses her mom, step-dad and sister while she’s with you and says she wants to go back.. I’d say he’s doing great job showing her what a man is supposed to be… all while you’re slummin’ it in your frat fuck house, drinking, and fucking your way into some made up world of what you think reality fucking is.

I pray our girls, and their half sisters, grow to know the difference between a boy and a man. I hope yours shows you a soft heart and gives you the benefit of the doubt, and encourages you to continue to grow, but takes caution not to get too close, or trusting of you. I hope all of our girls know better than to fully open up to a boy.. so they don’t get treated like a disposable item and end up hurt. Our girls are smart, though. Very smart for their current ages. I know when they look at you or a boy just like you, 13 years from now when they’re old enough to start dating…. They’ll lose hope in you just like the 4 of us women (4 that I know of, anyway) have. I truly pray that the constant men in their lives show them what a real man looks like, and teach them to avoid scum… like you, and A & J. Remember how you hated being categorized with people like that in my life? Don’t act like them, you won’t get compared to them.

I genuinely don't think I've ever closed any doors or burned any bridges with anyone.. family, friends, or exes.. who have done me wrong. Tonight, I did, by choice, burn a very toxic bridge.. and I didn't even allow myself to stand and watch the flames burn out, or the wind carry away the ashes. I turned, held up my chin, and walked away. No looking back. No pain. No tears. I burned our bridge for a reason. This is a fresh, new beginning for me. Thank you for telling me I needed to move home. Best idea you’ve ever had. Best thing I’ve ever followed through with. 

Please don’t ever interrupt my life again.

I don’t believe in rebuilding my past anymore. Our foundation is complete garbage now. I’m building my own foundation for ME and MY kids. I hope one day you learn to move forward, and not look back. I hope you stop using your past as an excuse for your actions and for your failures. I whole heartedly, truly hope that one day, you grow up to be a really great, happy man. I hope you have no regrets and begin to progress in everything you do. Good luck, Buddha. I’m sure you’ll need all the luck anyone can give you. You got what you wanted, what you asked for. You’re all alone now.

Oh, and you’re welcome. I helped you weed out the trash. 

[rezilient-m3]

April 2nd

There was so many things I wanted to post about since the last “real” post I made. Since the passing of my sister. But, again, I put it off. Now I can’t recall what those things were. Sorry about that (if I even have people reading these lol). 

Anyways, I’ve been through a lot of shit in the past few weeks Alex has been home, especially in this last week alone.  I don’t remember exactly when he got home. Things had seem to be going okay. He put up my daughter’s wall. We painted, both her room and on the outside. We were in the middle of finishing the office area when shit hit the fan. Before this, though, I noticed his moods changing. You can tell by the previous post about him mumbling and me feeling not welcomed. I was just getting fed up. Anyways, that’s how it continued. I’m not saying he was a complete ass the whole time; we did have our moments of happiness, or whatever. But I knew he was getting annoyed with everything. He complained about the couch cushions, about dirty rooms, about them eating anywhere but the table and coffee table (his rules), about the noise at the table, about the small stupid stuff every kid does. But the thing that set him off was T’s behaviour towards everybody. She would pick fights with her siblings, her attitude, and not do what she was told. He was getting tired of it.

It was Monday. I came home from work, already tired, but I decided I was going to continue with the painting. The night before I cleared out our office, took out the ugly brass brackets from the shelves and the 80s tinted mirrors on the wall and patched it up. So, that day I started by painting the shelves and brackets. Set up everything in the other girl’s rooms. Around supper time, Alex calls me to come and help by washing the plates because supper was almost done. I told T to because I wanted to finish the first coats of paint. With her “T” attitude she asked why should she. Alex did not like that. He told her, in his “mad” voice, “Because your mom told you to.” Now, to me, from my perspective, I could see her. She looked scared. She was about to move towards to the kitchen, but she stopped herself, then purposely distracted herself to help her lil brother on the laptop. I went out for a smoke, and thought she would get up and do it still. I walk in and she’s still holding the dishcloth. I grabbed it and went do the damn dishes. And, again, to me, I thought that was better to do instead of pissing off Alex. But, wrong decision. I don’t remember the actual word for word that was said, but he was upset. Starting to cook angrily. Throwing shit, as he was putting them down. I asked what his problem was, and he goes, along the lines of, “People in this house don’t know how to listen or do what they’re told. And nothing in this house should be a free for all... blah, blah, blah.” Even called them little fucken ingrates. Rank. But I chose to ignore him. Kept doing the dishes. Pretty sure my kid went to her room, maybe cried. (I’m an asshole for not going to check on her) But I was annoyed at Alex’s attitude. I just went back down to the room and continued painting. 

A bit later we ate, and as I was walking out for another smoke, I notice T’s hair and told her she should shower. She was on my laptop at the coffee table, and didn’t want to cuz she was in the middle of something. That didn’t help the mood I was already in. I closed the laptop, put it in my room and she got upset, saying it was her body and she didn’t like to be “harassed”. Excuse me? We argued. I gave up, told her to be dirty. (Not my best moment). I went back down and continued to paint. Alex came downstairs and asked T why she didn’t go have a bath because he heard me asking her to. She laughed and said that I said for her to be dirty. Again, he did not like that. He said when I tell them to do something, that they should listen (he wasn’t wrong). But yelled about how he’s getting fed up with the disrespect, and seen crumbs all over her bed and the floor from chips, and blew up about how the don’t follow rules because everyone was supposed to eat either at the table or coffee table. He was mad. I was in the room, trying my best to finish because it was close to bedtime and all that crap was in the way in the girl’s room. I think he ended up going to the garage. I was telling kids to get ready for bed, and was trying to get T to take a quick shower but her mind was set that she wasn’t going to. (I remember being that stubborn when I was that age, so annoying). But whatever, I was done. Kids all went to bed. I didn’t even go say good night to T, I don’t think.

Alex is still in a mood. I ignored him. I had a shower, went for a ride to get gas, came home and put on Netflix. He came in, “Good show?” “Yup.” I said. Then asked if I had anything to say about what had all just happened. I said not really. Like, what was I supposed to say? I didn’t know. And again, I don’t remember word for word. I should really write stuff down as they happen lol. But, first thing after that he said something about me showering, getting prettied up to go see my bf. Like, what? I got upset. “I was gone for like 5 fucken minutes to go get gas, as if I would have had the time, PLUS I wasn’t the one that cheated.” “I never cheated.” “Yeah right.” ... Then it changed somehow to how he couldn’t take it anymore. The disrespect, the attitude and behaviour from my kids. And his bottom line was “I love you, but either you get them under control now, or fucken leave.” Wow. I said I would. I wasn’t saying much after that, and he kept going. Said he was breaking up with me. He walked out to the garage again.

Obviously I was crying, because he made me feel the worst about my ability to parent my kids, and totally threw another ultimatum at me, again! I immediately went to Kijiji to look for rentals and emailed 2. Then, I went to sleep with our son in his room. Next day we all go to school. Apparently he wrote a status about how he was about to write a long post but deleted it, but “he was not happy”. Whatever I thought. But at my first break, I see msges from his mom about what was wrong with Alec. And me taking everything he said seriously, I told her that he broke up with me the night before but I’ll let him tell her why. At my next break she had more questions. I sent her the screenshot he sent me of the long status he didn’t post. Went like this:

“Well it’s not very often I make a post on fb that isn’t happy, cheerful, or humerous. Tonight I have a serious post. I’m at the end of my rope with my situation at home. I don’t like to make public of my trials and tribulations that should really remain in the family but I have come to the point where I have to say something. It has almost been a year sine “the girls” came into our home. I am happy that E got them here. I thought it would be rough at first, but with a little love and discipline, things would get better. This has not happened. I have never seen such destructive, unruly, disrespectful, hate-filled children. The level of disregard, disrespect, and destruction that has been happening in our home cannot be sustained.  I have had enough as I can stand. E seems to think that it is fine to post all the bs that makes her feel good on fb and I can’t take away from how well she is doing (I am very proud of her achievements), but in reality things are getting worse in our home.  I don’t even know what to do at this point, I start work next week but think I will leave tomorrow anyway. I have so much to do but I can’t stand to be in my own home ffs. Any advice would be appreciated.”

What an asshole post. I was so pissed off. Like, yeah, he didn’t post it. But glad he showed me anyways to see what he actually thinks of me and my kids. I showed his mom, and told her I was going to get a hotel until Thursday for me and the girls, since I had work and they had school. 

I went home without a word said since the night before. Picked up all the kids at the after-school program and told them we will be staying in a hotel for a couple nights. They all asked why, but I didn’t say much. We get home and I went straight to the bedroom to pack my clothes. Alex follows me to ask what I am doing, I said, “You wanted us to leave, so we’ll go to a hotel.” “You don’t have to leave.” (Same bullshit as before). I said, “No, this is your house, those are my kids, so we’ll go.” He started talking about it’s better for everyone if we stay and to not further disrupt them, and he would leave if I didn’t want him there. Like, omg. Making me look like the irrational one. I realized I needed laundry done. I went downstairs, locked myself in the laundry room and cried again. I decided to stay, cuz it would save me money and I wouldn’t have to wake up earlier to drive back and forth from the city to drop them off and go to work. But, he didn’t leave. lol. I had rental application I had printed at work. I locked myself in the bedroom and was emailing the landlord with questions, and filling it out. It was for a 3 bedroom townhouse, right in the town we lived in, for 1300. I don’t have credit references because the way I chose to love my life before and fucked up any credibility I had with building that shit, so I asked if I could list my dad as a co-signer type thing. She said I could. Now, I also didn’t have landlord references because I’ve been living with Alex for the past 7 yrs and any landlords I’ve had before wouldn’t remember me, cuz I didn’t remember them either lol. So, I listed personal references. Alex’s mom being one of them lol. I asked her, she said she would. I fell asleep and slept all evening, even missed supper. Woke up at kids’ bedtime. I put the papers face down on the entry way table. I caught Alex looking at them, but I didn’t say anything. 

Anyways, another evening with kids in bed. He kept telling me I don’t have to leave. I said he was the one that told me to. Whatever, this night was kind of vague. I don’t really remember this night. I think I just went to sleep with my kid again. I could tell Alex was mad because once he came inside from the garage and didn’t see me sitting there, or in our bed, he was slamming doors. I went to sleep anyways. I was tired. Next day at lunch break, I get an email from the landlord to call her. I was really nervous. But I do. She was asking questions about me, what I do, and about my situation. I told her. She said I should probably view it before agreeing to anything. So,we made an appt to meet at 5 that day (Wed now). I pick up girls after school again and asked them what they would think if we moved out of Alex’s house and lived by ourselves. They didn’t really have much to say about it. Their only concern was if they’d get their own rooms lol. D, my little boy, did not like the idea of having two homes. That instantly made me sad. Get to the house, he asks me again what I’m doing, and I told him I have to go view it at 5. It was a weird hour there. We were all just sitting around, but I wasn’t really paying attention to him. When me and the kids made a joke, he would laugh along. I still got up before 5 to go. I got a msg from him, as I’m getting into the vehicle, “I wish you wouldn’t do this.” 

I got the house. I was low-key proud because I proved to myself that I could do it on my own, without anybody else’s help. I still told her I needed a day to think about it. It would have been my whole paycheck, and I didn’t have the main furniture on my own. There was a lot to consider. Like, deep-down I knew I had my parents to help me, but still, I was a chickenshit. She agreed to give me time. I got back to the house and told him it’s mine if I wanted it. I don’t know what through his mind. I don’t even remember his exact words. I think it just went along the lines of “I shouldn’t do this”, “think of the kids”, “you’ll fuck them up further”, “he’s gone most of the time anyways for work”, “I didn’t tell you to leave.”. Ugh. I just said I didn’t know what I was going to do and walked away.

Again, kids are in bed later that night. I was sitting on the couch, he came in and asked if I knew what I was doing and I said no. He came in and went to bed in the room, I stayed in the living room, wrote him along email that I knew I wasn’t going to send until I went to work, then went to sleep. Hours later, at 4:30 in the morning, dummy comes out of nowhere and kicks the coffee table. Very rude awakening. He was pissed off. Said he couldn’t sleep for the last 3 nights because of me, and he should know what the fuck it is I’m doing so he could know and stop going crazy. He was not quiet about it either. I told him to lower his voice because it was the middle of them night and kids were asleep. He said it wasn’t fair for him to be stressed out like this. I don’t remember what his exact words were, but he did say he should just go kill himself. Like, what? Why would you even say something like that? He went back in the room, I went outside to have a smoke. I wasn’t going to chase him into that room to fight some more. But he came out. Getting mad at me because he could never get a response out of me. (I could be really composed when being attacked, or when everything’s going to shit around me and I could still carry on with the day. So this, to him, looked like I didn’t give a shit of what we’re we going through for the past few days). While he was getting frustrated with me outside, he goes and says that if we left he would have to quit his job, then he would get kicked out of his union. Like, why would you go and do that? He said because he would have to stay home because of Dougie, and whatever else excuse he made up, idk. Then said if we were gone he would end up selling the house, because what would be the point? All of this just made me feel guilty. He was standing there, staring at me, while I was staring at nothing, trying to figure out what to say. I wanted to say we would still leave anyways. But what I said was, “Well, we’ll just stay, but I am going home tomorrow after school.” Then said I was tired and had to sleep. That was the end of that. 

I felt so dumb. I felt like I was guilted into that decision. Like, I couldn’t have said I was leaving. I still do. What if it was the wrong decision? What if I don’t get another chance like this again? idk. It’s Saturday, late at night. We’ve all been at my parent’s house for 2 nights. I barely spoken to him since. He hugged me before we left, and kissed me. We tell each other we love each other at the end of the day. But, do I anymore? Idek. 

I know this post is already a really long one, but I’m going to copy and paste my email I wrote the other night. So you can get an idea of how I felt through all of this. If it wasn’t already clear....

“I wrote his last night before you decided to wake me up at 430. I didn't wanna send it right away so you can read it and not react angrily, like you do sometimes if i offend you. Not my intention tho...  I feel like I should let you know what's going on in my head. I feel like I can get it all out writing to you, rather then saying it to you unclear. I'd prolly end up crying and not saying it how I mean it. So, I  need you to understand why I did what I did. Like, why I went as far as getting approved to get that house. Not because I wanted to. This is the hardest thing I've been faced with in a very long time. I'm struggling with this and it hurts.  I love you, I always have and probably always will. But I have these girls to put before you, and even before myself now. I know they're hard to handle and over bearing and all of that shit. They're too much for me most days. So, I get the frustration and the anger you feel. The difference is, they're mine. You don't feel that love and obligation towards them as you do Dougie. You would never call your son all those things you wrote in that post you sent me. In reality, you would try to figure out why he's acting out and why he is the way he is. Instead, they seem like a huge inconvenience to you, and I really don't like that. Everything they do seems to bother you. You seem very uncomfortable in your own house, and in turn, makes me feel the worst. Because this is your place. And they're my kids.  That night Tenaya refused to do the dishes, I seen in her face she was afraid of you. Cuz when her automatic response to me asking her was "why", you went to raising your voice in anger. In that moment I felt bad for her, and scared for you to lose your temper (to which you eventually did). So, I did the dishes so you wouldn't have a reason to be upset. I know that's just an excuse and I should have made her do them, but I knew if I did, it would have became a bigger issue, with you already annoyed. Us arguing about it wouldn't have made that situation any easier. But when she refused to take a fucken shower, I was already done with her. I wanted that painting done, so I told her I didn't care and she could be dirty. You weren't there for that part. Then, you get how the rest of it went, you were there. In those moments, I didn't feel sorry for her, as she blatantly refused to do what she was told. No excuse for that. I guess my point in bringing this up was, I'm always trying to not upset you. I'm walking on eggshells when it comes to my kids setting you off. So, me doing the dishes was trying not to upset you. Then, makes me look like I'm not being a good parent. Maybe I'm not. Idk.  What I really want is my kids to feel safe. And to be happy. Idk if they see, or can tell how your mood is sometimes, but I do. You don't even seem happy to be here. I see you mumble about something that irritates you, swearing quiet enough that I can hardly hear you. Couch cushion is fucked, dirty rooms, too loud at the table, annoying kids. All of this doesn't even sound like someone who wants them here. Maybe you don't. Maybe you do all of this cuz you don't want to lose me? Idk. Idk what goes on in your head most days either.  I know you don't think this, but I am trying with my kids. Another thing you wrote on your post was something along those lines. "Erin only posts stuff to make her feel good." Whatever that even means. Everything I write is true. I struggle with my kids, but I want the best for them. My kid is a B, but I do see her getting better. Sorry if you don't.  I don't want to leave, but I also don't want to be told to leave every time you're pissy. I don't want you to call my kids names and say they're hateful. Say shit to me, loud enough they could hear. That's really abusive. You send me into a panic mode, thinking about what I'm supposed to do next. When you say leave, I get ready. And this time it happened really fast. Im supposed to give an answer ASAP and idk what to do. What the hell would you do if you were me? Cuz I honestly don't know.  I ended up staying before, then it happens again down the line...”

I thought this was a really good letter. He told me last night he was writing a long email back but doesn’t know if he’d send it. I told him he should so I have some sort of an idea of what’s going on in his mind. Still nothing tho. How annoying.

But I am overtired. There’s probably more to write to this whole debacle, but I am tired. Of everything. This whole week has been so draining. But hey, Monday morning is when I take off to the mountains with 2 of my oldest friends for a few days. (I totally forget what I named them in my earliest posts on here lol. I think A was Marie? Idk what I named M.) But if anyone remembers, these are the two girls who were older than me, who decided to use me for money to buy weed when we were young, little potheads, but ended up being my best friends for years anyways. lol. 

Gnight. Bless you if you read the whole ass thing lol. 

[alexiela73]

Hihi i dont know if ur requests are open or not but if they aren't you could just ignore this. Buuuutt could u write some comfy cuddle time with reaper and mccree cuz Ive just had a terrible one sided fight with my dad (him basically screaming at me and hes probably kicking me out lol) and i need fluff

I’m sorry, sweetheart, and I’m also sorry it had to take a few days. I still hope this makes you feel a bit better.

Reaper:

Sitting in his office, Reaper hadn’t noticed how late it was getting till a wave of exhaustion hit him, and a wave forced itself from between his lips. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to find it was almost midnight, and that he had been there most of the day.

Time had gone by quickly, he mused, having dealt with much paperwork and having to go and help out in the hangar today. It had been training lessons and some interesting ones at that. Half of his trainees were in the medical bay getting patched up by their strange doctor, Moira. Although he rather hated her, Moira was always happy when bullet victims ended up on her table.

With a sigh, Reaper got up and readied to go home. Today had been your day to yourself, not having been feeling all that good this morning. Although no one would think it, Reaper usually preferred to stay home and discretely take care of you. Usually he pretended it was for his own gain, but he’d make you food and make sure you took your medicine on time.

So honestly, it surprised him more that he hadn’t kept track of the time. A pang filled his chest as he realized he was still worried about how you were doing, and thought about calling.

But it would take 10 minutes. So he didn’t call, just heading home in a hurry, wanting to see you.

When he arrived, only the living room was on and you were watching Beauty and the Omnic on TV. Wrapped in blankets, you were staring intently at the screen, a tissue box tucked between you and the cushions

Reaper rolled his eyes but turned on the hallway light, surprising you as he took off his boots. “Gabe!” you gasped happily from the living room. “I was wondering when you’d come home. I missed you,” you said with a pout. 

Only grunting in response, Reaper walked over and paused, before pressing a claw against your forehead. Christ, but you were so warm. And yet he could see the barest shiver in you when the blanket fell from your shoulders.

“Did you take your medicine today?” Reaper asked instead, brushing the hair from your face briefly before going into the kitchen

Immediately he started to rustle up a sandwich, some water and bottle of Vix and cough syrup. It was habit by now for him to try to take care of you, even though he tried to pretend to be tough and uncaring. In the end, hearing you say ‘I love you’ made him really happy.

Wincing, you pulled the blanket up to your nose a bit shyly, your head a feeling a bit heavy. “Um…well…I mean, I did this morning…before you left…” you said shyly, and both of you know how you hate cough syrup.

With a sigh, Reaper walked back into the living room with his load and stopped beside you at the couch. “I doubt you ate a decent dinner either,” he growled, confirmed by you avoiding eye contact. “Take your medicine and then eat.”

With a pout, you put the food and drink beside you, turning your head away. “Gabe-” you started to say, but he was already pouring liquid into a little spoon.

“Open,” he commanded, and with a grimace you gingerly swallowed the medicine, making a face at its mixed, lingering taste of sour and bitter. It felt weird on your through always and you always had the need to spit into the sink after, but you just chugged a mouthful of water.

Once satisfied that you were medicated, he crouched and rubbed the soothing cream on your throat, meant to seep into your skin and help sooth the muscles and possibly open your nasal passages. 

“You take such good care of me,” you said with an impish smile, liking the cold of the cream being slathered on your skin. “What would I do without you?”

A smile touched his lips, and once finished he put his mask on a table. “Probably die,” he grunted, before taking a seat beside you on the couch.

Hesitating, you instantly wanted to be on him. “…Is it okay if we cuddle?” you asked shyly, not wanting to crowd him. It was best to ask him, because some days Reaper felt so haunted that he couldn’t handle touch.

Waiting a moment, Reaper nodded and opened his arm. Snuggled in your blanket, you inched over and pressed to his side, letting out a sigh as you rested your head on his shoulder. 

“I love you, you know,” you said again, smiling up at him adorably.

Refusing to look at you, Reaper silently pet your hair for a moment or two, before letting out a long, exaggerated sigh. 

“I love you too.”

McCree:

After a bit of a wild morning, Jesse was looking for some down time back in the apartment the two of you shared. It was cozy, rather simple looking, and all he wanted to do was nap.

Except, today you were home, and Jesse couldn’t fall asleep as you walked in and out of the room. You weren’t purposely trying to wake him: this was your only day to get chores done, and so many things needed to get finished. The laundry, the dishes, the plants needed watering, the rugs needed a vacuum…

Usually Jesse would help you with these things, but you had taken one look at him when he’d come home after a short mission and told him to go to bed. Without a second thought, Jesse had followed your orders and stripped down to his breeches and a t-shirt before climbing into bed.

But he was too aware of you moving in the house to sleep. Well, that and he really needed some cuddling.

The question was how to make you stop working and instead get into bed with him for a early afternoon nap…

“Y/n,” Jesse called, voice sounding exhausted. Rolling over so he faced the door, he leaned on his elbow so that he could take a better look. The room already looked cleaner, the laundry in the dryer now and the bedroom already having been vacuumed. You worked so hard on your days off…

Stepping in, you paused with a pile of books on your hip. “Yes?” you asked with an amused smile. You liked how his mop of brown hair was always disheveled once he was in bed, whether it was from sleeping or sex or just putting his head for a second. It was always rather cute.

Jesse let out a pout. “Take a nap with me?” he asked hopefully.

“No, Jesse,” you laughed. “I have to get all of this done. Oh, I’m sorry I’m keeping you up, honey. Do you want me to close the door now?”

Jesse looked sulky. “No, I want you in my bed, darlin’. You’ve been up since this morning. Why not take a break? Cuddle with me?” he said, wanting to hold you in his arms. It was the easiest way for him to drift off, holding you always giving him a relaxing feeling. 

“Jesse, I really…” you started, but your cowboy looked so tired and hopeful, and honestly you were rather sleepy too after such an unnecessary early start. It would feel so nice to be wrapped in his arms under the sheets…

After a moment, you sighed in defeat and Jesse’s eyes lit up.

“Okay, but only for a hour or two, alright?” you said gently, and put on an alarm on your phone. “I still have a lot of cleaning to do and dinner to make-” you said as you headed over, but his hand catching your wrist shut you up.

Pulling you gently into bed, Jesse wrapped the comforter around you before pressing to your back. You loved it when he spooned you, loved how his arms cradled you close and his face pressed into your hair.

“Just relax, okay darlin’? When you relax, I relax,” Jesse said softly, holding you and his eyes closed. Already just feeling you there was soothing him.

Eyes softening, you sighed and let your muscles go loose and already your body felt tranquil. “Okay, cowboy. I love you, silly man,” you said softly, turning to give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“I…” he mumbled, his lips barely moving. He was always able to fall so quickly asleep when the circumstances were right. “lo……y……”

The soft mumble made you smile, and resting your head on his arm, you closed your eyes and found yourself drifting off as easily as him. The two of you lay cuddled together for the afternoon nap, snuggly and happy and content.

[punkocalypse]

For commissions, they're going to be open, prices will go back to normal as of Monday or Tuesday, so take advantage of the sale while/if you can... Even if I don't get it done immediately, the sales are still going. 50% off of everything except line arts, which are $10 for a single full body and $15 for a couple full body.

Now onto the rest...

October 5th, 2018... Wheatley was the first to get skunked.

I don't know what he did or where he found it... but we were taking a break and had everyone inside and all we could smell was that signature skunk smell... so we sniffed and there is Wheatley... sad as could be... eyes kinda red... not SUPER smelly but definitely got it...

Poor baby... but it teaches him... so we gave him a bath and he's sticking close now. He's ready to rest... Everyone is. You give them a day of running willy-nilly outside and they're okay to sleep for the night xD

Meanwhile me? My shin that I busted open on the 4th opened back up and bled some more... so we used hydrogen peroxide and we did a dose of that maybe 6 or 7 times and it STILL kept fizzing... so we're going to keep an eye on that...

Aside from that, turned in the keys today and went to the postal office to let them know we moved... have to call some places Monday because we simply haven't had time to sit on a phone for 2-3 hours on hold to tell someone we've changed addresses :/ barely had time to go to the post office and let them know.

But everything is finally moved AND we took a photo of the mold in that closet just in case... as well as we have our therapist who we've been telling about all the crap that those apartments keep pulling on us over these couple o' years, just in case they try to pull one last screw you... Which they better not be angry about the mold because it's THEIR water closet and the only reason we know about it is that that's the whole reason they came into the apartment in the first place was to see if we had it cuz downstairs had it...

We just thought we were sick and couldn't breathe for no reason aside from stress... but no. We were being freakin' poisoned by mold spores going into the A/C and being blown all over the house. And then they never even took care of it, like everything else.

So goodbye. Now I can fix my problems. But so far the only problems with the new place is some of the doors are easily opened (old farmhouses are like that) and there's a crap ton of spiders everywhere... But when no one has lived here for who knows how long and the house is on 12 acres, you're going to get spiders... Cool thing is the laundry room has a super crooked door that can't be fixed because the threshold is too big for the door and since the floor it's on is crooked, you can't have a normal door there... but it looks cool af. We live in a crooked house and I love it.

Also, we've got like 3 types of grasshoppers, 2 kinds of crickets (One of which ALSO keeps getting inside), butterflies, moths, beetles, mosquitoes (we spray ourselves and pups have meds to deter them), other strange bugs, lizards, birds, deer, armadillos, skunks (obviously), I saw a possum the other night, turkey vultures, pigeons, and just a whole host of other critters... I heard screeching tonight, that might've been one of the possums just making noise cuz all pups were accounted for.

I also had to take an old abandoned bird's nest AND an old abandoned wasp's nest out of our mailbox so it could be used... I felt bad for taking down the bird's nest cuz there was NO way to remove it without breaking it apart...

Also, been looking more around the grounds, there's a bunkhouse out back just a tad (there's a walkway from the back of the porch to it, just has lots of overgrowth) that has electricity and is attached to the well-house by a wall but the shower in it is broken probably... has a bed in there and the light works though... we are just using it as storage.

There is also a wagon against the back of the house that I plan on taking out to the old garden and weeding soon, just toss them all in there so I can get them to the garbage easier... We want to go out and get a pumpkin sometime this month and just put it in the garden so it'll decompose and give us pumpkins next year (Okay... I want that and it was my idea lol... Grambo said we'll have pumpkins forever so probably just get one pumpkin)

I got my seeds though!! I ordered some seeds that were on sale... mostly herbs and some vegetables so in the spring I can start on it. If I can earn up the money I want to order more and maybe even order some grapes and other fruits that aren't trees. Ordered Lovey some sunflower seeds too so I can grow them to put in a vase. Also ordered like three kinds of carrot seeds cuz those are good treats for everyone...

Need to find someone who sells green beans, though... I don't know if those come in seeds or not... I've SEEN the plants when I was younger but I have no idea how they got planted or where you buy them here... but they're good dog treats and Wheatley loves them.

I want to start canning as well, next year so we can be slightly more self-sustainable, especially through the winter... I'm going to have a lot of work cut out for me but I think it'll be easier being away from everyone... I still need to clean out what we're going to use as a garage and the old chicken coop so I can use the coop/barn/thing as a workshop.

We're not ready for chickens. I want them... but we're not ready. Garden first. Plus, that coop would need a LOT of work and I still have to do the garden, the fence, and literally everything else... I'm excited about it though. I like to fix things, it makes me happy.

I'm also excited to get back to painting and drawing... traditionally. It'll be awesome to go outside and just do some sketching or maybe painting that American,I think he said Oak or Elm, tree outside in front... it is SO beautiful... Plus, the trees here aren't rotted or dead...

I have a lot of work cut out for me but it'll get me outside, so it's worth it. First thing tomorrow, since we finally have everything here, I need to take the pups out on a walk along the border of our property so they learn this is ours and this is home, don't leave this. Going to keep doing that so they learn... plus, it'll show me everything around here...

Sunday, we're going into town to see what all they have... Then Monday we have therapy and visiting Grambo.

And throughout all of that? Unpacking. BUT, we're already mostly done... It's much easier to unpack than to pack... Plus, we have space... and I hear a cricket inside, lol. Pups are sleeping, so he's lucky... Lovey stepped in cricket earlier.

Anyway, enough rambling... Will update another time... Internet is still spotty while we get used to it as well as we're super busy with home stuff and my muscles are sore and stiff so not much getting done outside of packing and unpacking... Now just unpacking, though so I can take my time...

I love this place so much... I'm actually excited and happy to come home... It's calming at home... I'm not constantly terrified... I can walk around my own home without feeling like I'm constantly in danger... Sure, for now, I have to check everything for spiders before I touch it but that's way minor to me and way less scary than people...

Speaking of people... apparently in her drunken state yesterday, Uncle's gf said she was going to fight me or punch me in the face or something... I don't know exactly... Uncle told lovey who told me that she was threatening to fight me specifically... and I just find that fucking hilarious because that happens so often... I don't do anything and people want to fight me and then never actually do anything...

Like, literally... I have NEVER done anything against this woman in my LIFE... I've been polite. I've never said anything to her. I've never said anything to her boyfriend. I've never said anything to Grambo... But she wants to punch me in the face... For not being involved whatsoever...

The last time this happened was some girl was being incredibly rude to a different Grandmother and I told her she needed to respect the woman allowed her to live under their roof, to which she told my friend's cousin she was going to punch me in the face next time I did that... which she never did and I didn't find out about the threat until after the fact...

So yeah... People always want to fight me and I'm losing the will to care at this point. I'm not a confrontational or violent person but everyone wants to fight me behind my back... Okay then, I guess? By all means, throw the first punch... I will pin you to the ground so you can't hurt anyone and YOU can go to jail for assault. I don't like bullies and I don't like fighting. I don't have time for this.

Have fun with it.

I'm writing this at 1:11 AM but will post it when I get up because my internet isn't working right now and I think computers will have to be permanently grounded to the bedroom to get any service because that's also the only place the wifi router works. No living room for you... I have to put a desk in there, we've only got one... Thankfully, we have our own desk... it's just outside while we're unpacking... And then it has to be checked for bug-life before it's allowed out of purgatory and into the realm of the living... Just like almost everything else.

Alright, that's the end, I'm done... Hope you're all good.

NEW NOTE: It's 4:11 AM and couldn't sleep so posting while I can