#It's a big what if tho because I mean if they continued on this hypothetical trajectory it would become obv once the boys hit 30

[syncopatedid]

Thinking out loud, but been noticing that KyoAni puts out new birthday art/merch of the Free! boys rather faithfully every year, but I'm starting to think: what if every year they intentionally fashion their official birthday portraits to be just that little bit older? Are we watching our boys grow up in real time now? Mind is blown.

[thewritingcoroner]

I done got frustrated

My desire to keep my opinions to myself managed to last most of the day. New record tbh.

So like I wrote this big long rant a couple of weeks ago and decided against sharing it while I was still frustrated. But I do feel like maybe there is a larger discussion to be had! I think it's important that we as a writeblr community really take a look at why so many of us are getting so frustrated so often and how we as a community and as individuals can work towards an actually community vs a corner of social media. @blind-the-winds did an excellent job of explaining some of what I'm seeing as well in relation to why a lot of positivity and support posts and such ring hollow to so many of us. I wanted to bring a slightly different perspective to things coming from a marketing/social media marketing background. Under the cut out of respect for everyone's dashboards lol

This is going to get INCREDIBLY LONG. So I have a read more here. Behold, the bitchfest.

So this started today when I was chatting with an irl friend and expressing my frustrations about writeblr in general as a community. And what I've recognized now is this: writeblr isn't really much of a community, and it is very rare to find other creators and writers who are willing to treat you (the hypothetical writer) as another human being with a love for the same craft they do. Those people who do treat you like people are some of the loveliest people I've found on the internet, but they are hard to find.

Now, to be clear, I don't think the problem is completely writeblr's fault, nor do I believe it is any one or two or five hundred individual's fault. The problem comes from a number of different sources, and my friend did a great job of helping me see the problem from a number of different perspectives.

The problem being this: it is impossible to get engagement on posts that feature original long-form writing, and it is exceedingly difficult to effectively foster meaningful connections with other writers.

Some disclaimers: it's not impossible, and the people who successfully receive engagement on their long-form writing tend to be the people who are the exceptions proving the rule. Also, by "engagement" I mean any interaction that serves to both consume the content and spread the content. "Original" writing refers to writing that is not fandom related, and "long-form" means 1k words or more.

Do you think 1k words is a little short for "long-form" writing? Me too. I'll get to that.

I'll start my explanation here with what catalyzed these revelations in my little head. Over night, I got quite a few new followers, all directly coming from a post that got mildly popular here on writeblr. So, I looked at what other posts of mine have been popular, and I started to notice a trend.

My most popular posts tend to fit into one of three categories: memes, tag games, and boost posts/recommendations. Memes tend to be popular because they're funny and easy to spread, and as long as they fit the theme, they don't ruin a blog's aesthetic. Tag games get more interaction because I am directly tagging people to see the post. But the popularity for those posts tend to stop at the half dozen to a dozen people tagged in each given post (the person or people tagging me, and the several people I tag to continue the game). The last category is most interesting to me, the boost posts and recommendations.

Here's the thing, I only boost or rec other writers and blogs if I have invested interest and care into the person behind the blog and their content. AKA, I only really boost friends and writers I admire/like their content. It's great to see that those posts get popular with people outside my circle, but out of those three categories, none of them feature my own content.

Why is that?

It seems like every day I see a new post with a few thousand notes at least complaining about a lack of interaction on writeblr and the importance of reblogs and blah blah I rarely stop to read those let alone spread them. And a few dots connected, I think.

If my content isn't getting interaction, and your content isn't getting interaction, then what is? And I think the answer is this: memes, advice, and boosts.

Memes and advice are self-explanatory. But boosts are interesting because you will see everyone hop on to rec other people or more frequently market themselves, but they stop there. And I see my greatest influx of interaction and new followers when I boost other people's works or blogs.

My conclusion is that many people are using writeblr as a hustle and not a community. In a community we engage with each other, talk to each other, enjoy each other's company. And I've found many mutuals to be very lovely people who I do enjoy and who I love to engage with and who I like to genuinely call my friends. I like a lot of yall for different reasons too! Some of you are great hype buddies, some of yall are all about that accountability buddy system, and I really love when I get to have intellectual conversations about the craft and different concepts with different members of writeblr too.

But largely, I find that a lot of people who engage once with my blog, usually on those boost posts, or who ask for engagement more frequently than when frustration strikes, tend to be the people who think of writeblr as a hustle. They see that I (and many other writers) will boost and rec our friends, and jump on that bandwagon, but instead of putting in the effort to get to know us and our work, they say what needs to be said, hop on trends, and avoid any genuine connection.

So what gives?

It's not the individual writers, I think. It's the nature of social media, marketing, and the medium.

Listen, I work in marketing, and long-form writing is a dying art that is very difficult to market. I genuinely think the concept of "tldr" really ruined a lot of people's ability to engage with longer form writing. Whether that be nonfiction opinion posts or actual fiction. Tumblr is one of the only places I can think of where long-form writing is a feasible medium to post at all, let alone gain a following for.

Think about it: instagram is best suited for images, videos, and short-form aestheticized poetry. Twitter has a character limit that requires long threads of individual tweets or images to get your message across. Pitch events are well-suited for twitter because your pitch by definition needs to be short. But sharing actual summaries, snippets, or excerpts? Not really possible. Tiktok is for videos, which as we know can be utilized, but is not the most efficient method of marketing written word. Ao3 is an archive with an excellent tagging system, but to get readers, outside marketing is required. Facebook requires a real name, and isn't really well suited for content creation either. Wattpad, Royal Road, and others are great for posting actual works, but they don't necessarily have well-functioning tag systems that help the author find their audience. That really just leaves Tumblr. Pillowfort is also an option, though it's still so in the beginning phase of development that it's pretty difficult to get started there.

It's well known in marketing that images and videos catch attention and long paragraphs of text (AKA what most prose looks like) tend to be scrolled past. The very nature of the long-form writing medium is against most marketing techniques. Marketing long-form writing needs to look different from any other medium.

All that being said: the culture of social media engagement has shifted, and this is a conversation that fandom has been having and I think has actually been doing well discussing the different facets of how the culture has shifted. Fandom (and content creation in general) is seen as a commodity to be consumed. Consumers want to see the content, maybe save it for later, and then move on to the next piece. This is easily done with visual mediums, but writing mediums are especially vulnerable to this culture shift because it does require so much time and energy to consume, let alone engage.

Creators don't see their work as a commodity to be consumed, but it is now. When consumers view a piece of visual media, they view the image (consume it) and then move to the next, some will spread it to others by engaging with the picture through reblogs or sending the post to someone else. But most often, there will be a "like" to tell the creator good job, and then scroll to the next. This is harder to do with written media unless one has the time and energy to read the piece. There's the extra step of critical thought.

To put it a different way, the market is flooded with content and creators. With so much to choose from, the consumer now does not have to participate in the community to ensure continued creation. There will be another creator tomorrow. The consumer no longer feels connected to a community of their interests, it is simply being sold to them.

So back to writeblr, this is where I am at a crossroads. I am tired of creating content to be consumed, I want community. But also, I have nowhere else to turn. I can either completely withdraw from what sliver of community I have found, or I can keep trucking along, create my stuff, play the games we play, chat with the people I do like and do care about, and hope that I don't get too frustrated one day and leave for good.

[tojikai]

Hey Kai I have a question

Would Naomi still be a good person? If her and Satoru were still together and he went ahead and married her? Would she change? Because I would be surprised if she was! Because like Girl no matter who said it! You do not SA your boyfriend! Try to baby trapped him so that he won’t leave you! And just because his mom gave you the idea! Doesn’t make it better! I don’t care how convincing she was to you but no one is that convincing!

Let say hypothetically that Naomi continues to listen to momm Gojo and listen to her advice and it was influenced her.

Would she treat Yui different if Yui started to resemble y/n? I know Yui is a blanking copy of Satoru appearance wise in term of hair colour and eyes etc I mean like bone structure in the face, body type and maybe even in her behaviour and personal taste.

To the point that people could that Naomi is clearly not her mother. Would she treat her differently once she got own baby? Would she start to hate her? Would she try to get rid of her? Because it ruined her perfect idea family image and like maybe send her to a boarding school? When she can’t visit her father coincidentally and not at all in intentionally but is always able to see her mother. Would she stop caring about Yui if she had more of own children or her own baby girl?

How would Satoru react? Would he stay with her even though she changes?

Would he suffer the same fate as his father? Yui and Y/n disappeared from his life entirely and lived his life with Naomi. Or would he divorce her and try to find them?

if she didn't SA satoru, well i dont know if i could really say good person bc she disrespected yn, when as a woman she should've known how yn would feel. if Satoru and her got married, i wouldn't say she'd get mean but i feel like she'll feel like she has more rights than yn (which would be true, bc she'd be his wife then🥹) i see her getting braver and firmer with her demands. but the fact that she SA'd Satoru—even if she was manipulated or not—is already proof that there's something wrong w her. bc even if satoru's mom pushed her to do that type of shit, she has a brain. she should've used that. it's a no-brainer, really, all she needs is a sense of morality to know if what she's doing is right or wrong and we all know what she chose smh. anwaysss if Yui started to resemble yn, hmm no. i dont think she'll treat the kid badly. she's quite fond of yui. it'd be a different story if she got her baby tho, she'd put that baby first. i'll say there might be a very tiny bit of jealousy if her kid doesn't get the same treatment as Yui (toys, gifts etc) but not to the point where she'd be a villain to the kid's life. she'll still care for Yui but ofc, she'd be putting her own kids first.

Satoru wouldn't allow any mistreatment towards Yui. or any of his kids. it'd be a really big problem for them if Naomi starts acting up and being mean to Yui. he'll only tolerate so much before he takes action.

if yui and yn disappeared while he's married to naomi, i doubt he'd stay like his father if he doesn't really want to be with naomi. he's already seen what it did to his family, and he wouldnt want his kids to go through that so, divorce, babe, divorce :')

[kcatta-wodahs]

MC Who Does Not Fear Death x OM! Demon Brothers

Or maiming, or apparently any other consequences. You’ve walked into this situation with absolutely no filter and no fear. Time to tear down every structure of Devildom society.

Lucifer

You look at him with a withering stare when he tries to intimidate you into behaving.

“I was summoned out of my trashy apartment to this place, where literally anyone could snap me like a twig on accident. I’m just working on the assumption that I’m already dead.”

He sternly looks at you. “You’re under my protection during your time here. No harm will come to you.”

You snort derisively, which visibly irritates him. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t come back to haunt you if it happens.”

As you continue through your life in Devildom he keeps calling you out for meddling and all that, like usual, and he HATES that you literally *do not care* when he threatens you.

Like HE knows that he wouldn’t hurt Diavolo’s transfer student but YOU are supposed to be AFRAID of him dammit.

His frustration at this ends up turning into a form of respect. You’re about the only person who will stand up to him, and tbh like you’re so fucking fragile but you’ll yell at him all day? That takes guts. Annoying guts. But you’ve got guts.

But also STOP IT. He has enough stress in his life and now he’s constantly terrified that you’ve decided it’s a great idea to adopt a baby balrog

Which you did once. He’s just afraid that “Flamin Hot Cheeto” is going to come back since you somehow managed to imprint on it.

despite the fact that the BABY could easily tear your arms off on accident

Not to mention he gets the flack for EVERY SINGLE ONE of these following stories. You stress him out so much. Please. Please, stop. 

He’s almost to the point of begging. The Avatar of Pride is three steps away from either locking you away for the rest of the year or begging on his knees for you to calm down. 

 But you know you’d find a way out if he locked you up so no worries. It’ll be a good challenge.

Mammon

“Well you WON’T be dead because it’s my job to protect you! Are you doubting the Great Mammon?!”

Stupid human. Yeah, you’re fragile and weak, but that’s why HE’S your bodyguard now, and there’s no way in hell (lol) that he would let you die on his watch.

Lucifer would kill him.

You welcome the challenge, and he thinks it’s funny at first but quickly becomes a flustered mother hen.

“NO, we are NOT going out to Madam Scream’s at 3am! Do ya know what kinda CREEPS are out there at 3am?!”

And you sneak out the fucking window.

He has had more heart attacks in the past week than he has had in the last 100 years of life.

He starts agreeing to your ridiculous adventures JUST because then he can actually keep an eye on you. 

He adores the chaos of the laugh that bursts from you every time you narrowly escape death. 

He HATES how often you have to NARROWLY ESCAPE DEATH. So he will never tell you.

He almost doesn’t have time for his own shenanigans anymore, because all his time is taken up by trying to make sure you stay alive.

And you’ve figured out that if you turn *any* of your ideas into a money-making one, he will join you whole-heartedly.

So you bribe him because what’s money to you anymore anyway?

Leviathan

I mean he doesn’t leave his room much, so tbh he probably just gets texts from you that make him want to scream.

‘hey uh levi say if someone were to hypothetically be stuck in a succubus’ devil basement to become an unwilling sacrifice to asmo what would that person, hypothetically, do?’

‘probably die’ is usually all he sends back

You always come back, because he always sends a text to the other brothers. In that case Asmo came to rescue you himself and scold the succubus.

You become the friend that he makes funny throwing-shade reddit posts about. (Devvit? Devil reddit? Eh??)

‘Levi so this has nothing to do with anything but is there a cure for a dangerously potent ‘always win at rock-paper-scissors' curse? Asking for a friend’

‘Friend is being held hostage tho so maybe be quick about a response’

He didn’t even know that kind of curse existed. None of them did. What the fuck did you do.

How did you get taken captive by playing rock paper scissors?

He doesn’t know. Nobody does. He expects the play-by-play so he can recommend it as a new anime to his favorite producers. 

Somehow your chaotic plans end up with stories almost as great as TSL. 

Beelzebub

He physically carries you around.

He’s like “fuck this you can’t get into trouble if I’m holding you.”

If Beel’s on MC watching duty, he’s almost the only one who is successful, just because you physically cannot get away. 

But at the same time, he is very easily bribed. 

So yes, he’ll go to Madam Scream’s with you at 3am. Sounds like fun.

But he is very protective after losing someone he cares about (who you remind him of so much….) so he keeps you close when you’re out and about too.

If you start getting into a fight with some other demon he literally just takes the fight for you and wins with no trouble at all.

You like having Beel with you.

Especially finding street festivals! You’re in a whole new world and there’s a MILLION things to try. Beel is more than happy to try them with you.

But that leads to arguments about whether deadly creatures to humans are still deadly when dead. 

“No, you can’t eat that it’s on fire. I know even small fires hurt humans. I’ll eat it for you.”

“That hot sauce makes every demon I know cry. You really shouldn’t buy a bottle. Please. No, don’t try it. No, that’s too much for one-- oh. Oh no.”

He forgives you as long as you don’t actually get hurt and you give him your leftovers.

Asmodeus

“If I get wrinkles because of you I promise you will never hear the end of it. I will curse you forever.”

He swears on every single one of his lovers that you have started giving him grey hairs.

GREY HAIRS, MC.

Why can’t you just settle down and let them all take care of you? You don’t have to prove anything to the other demons!

But you will. You’re living in Devildom now, and by everything unholy, you are going to live that life to its fullest extent.

He was thrilled at first when you were all for joining him at his nightclubs and parties. Now he hides every party’s date from you.

That time you almost threw yourself off a balcony to try and emulate a very drunk demon’s newest dance move.

“I need to stay TRENDY, Asmo!! I’ll be fine!!”

Ever since learning Demonus doesn’t affect humans you have challenged every single stuck-up tough boy to a drinking contest.

And every single time you win, Asmo has had to *narrowly* save you from being killed by said demon.

And you just say “he deserved it” every time.

And like, yeah okay, he probably did but YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE.

Somehow, you manage to out-party Asmo.

dON’T TELL THE OTHERS but he lives for the times when you practically fall asleep on his shoulder while coming home from a rager. You may not get drunk, but when you’re sleepy, you’re so affectionate and something in his heart melts.

Satan

At first, Satan was all for the rebellious “life life with no restraints” thought process you explained to him.

I mean, he didn’t like the assumption that he and his brothers couldn’t control themselves to not accidentally kill you, but also… fair.

But he didn’t realize that this mindset followed through for EVERY demon in ANY place.

Including RAD, where old and wizened demons were *really* not used to being contradicted

Which led to you “accidentally insulting” your 5000 year old Human Studies professor by giving them a pop quiz on current memes (which they failed).

And left Satan as the one who had to make sure that said professor didn’t kill you. 

And the thing is, this keeps happening.

You’ve written all over the school’s library books, pointing out every error.

You *continue* to argue with the demons who threaten to kill you when you say silly things like “No, Solomon did not learn his sorcery at Hogwarts because Hogwarts isn’t REAL.”

(Solomon, meanwhile, refutes you vehemently and seems to grow three inches taller every time you glare at him.)

Satan assures you that he values knowledge and truth and all that, but could you maybe find a less dangerous way to push it?

No can do, Satan, because you already had plans with Mammon to use a curse that writes the history of the actual Sorceric Academy that Solomon attended like 400 years all over the desks in Human Studies. It’s activated by anyone saying “Hogwarts”. 

No, no, Satan, it’s brilliant, because you can’t do magic. It can’t be you who did it.

Satan, no don’t tell Lucifer.

I thought you hated him. Satan, wait. 

You are the only person in the history of ever who convinces him to come to Lucifer for intervention. You wear that badge with pride and also deep, deep, bitter sadness. 

Belphegor

Like, through the plot your willingness to be a thorn in anyone’s side just to get more information really works for Belphie.

He’s like all I gotta do is ask? Sweet. Yeah. Go, human.

But then when he’s all big and threatening and “im gonna kill you” and you just kind of look at him and nod like “yeah, this checks out.” 

Frankly, that’s rude, MC. 

And then he keeps threatening to kill you and it doesn’t even PHASE you like. You just keep listening to him rant and going “OH i think i get it now”

He liked that you were always looking for more information when he was the one pushing you around, but now?

No. Human, he is going to KILL you here, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS.

And then you do the time-travel bit, and see that he *literally has killed you in one timeline* and you just like

Shrug it off and keep talking about Lilith???????

Tbh what probably stopped him from doing it again is just that you’re fucking insane, MC 

“MC, you literally just saw yourself dead in Mammon’s arms”

You wave your hand vaguely in his direction and say, “Yeah okay, but can we talk about the lack of communication in this household because it is tearing this family apart.”

What the fuck MC

When he’s back to normal, tbh he loves that side of you. He loves getting into shit when he’s not sleeping. He will 100% encourage you and be there to make sure that you *don’t* actually die again.

He’s the only one who doesn’t actually try to stop you. Who knew he was so into chaos.

But if you try to drag him to a plan when he should be sleeping he will be like Beel and literally just hold you down while he naps dammit. You brought this on yourself. He needs sleep.

[missrosienorris]

Who will we blame if Trump wins again?

So I just tuned out of the live updates from Super Tuesday 2 as the results are too depressing and I’m not masochistic enough to follow them anymore. And while I will support Sanders’s campaign for as long as it runs, it looks like we’re stuck with Joe Biden, and thus, Trump, because Biden won’t win. “Moderate” Democrats (scare quotes because what’s considered moderate in the US is, like, ridiculously right wing in any country that makes any sense) and the party establishment can attempt to coalesce and call for party unity all they like, but I very much doubt that the youngsters or the progressives will show up in the general in any meaningful quantity.

Obviously this means we’ll never hear the end of the narrative that another four years of Trump is the fault of the “Bernie bros” throwing a tantrum or whatever, and you know what, fuck you. I ain’t American so I wouldn’t be voting in any case, but I completely understand anyone that won’t bother voting in the general or votes third party if the choices are this shitty (no sympathy for the hypothetical ones that switch from Bernie to Trump though, but I suspect that crowd is pretty small). You want the young and progressive vote, don’t put up a weak-ass status quo candidate with a terrible record. That’s not the fault of the voters, that’s the party’s fault. And Joe Biden’s obviously, he shouldn’t be running. Also I’m laying some of the blame on the big names that have endorsed him, like Buttigieg and Klobuchar and Bloomberg and O’Rourke and Booker and flippin’ Andrew Yang. Lol at the ones who thought Yang was on the progressive side by the way, he’s just a run of the mill capitalist and run of the mill capitalists will never change the status quo. Speaking of which, Elizabeth Warren is also at fault here for not endorsing Sanders. So some of his supporters are mean online, well some of the Warrenites in my feed are colossal dicks too and I don’t think that reflects badly on Elizabeth Warren. What does reflect badly on Elizabeth Warren is prioritizing online civility over policy. Mostly, tho, the ones to blame for four more years of Trump are the people who actually vote for him, the GOP ghouls who line up behind him, the assholes who fund him and just racists, fascists and Nazis in general.

And, if the Democratic party somehow managed to get people to “unify” around Biden and he somehow managed to beat Trump, I don’t know, man, I’m not sure that’s really much better. I have some mainly Warren-leaning people in my feed who think a “protest vote” would be “misguided”, but when the party is this fucking corrupt and far right, I really, really don’t know man. Maybe it would be better if the party split and the progressives went elsewhere, from a long term perspective at least. I get that people are concerned about the supreme court but like, Biden is a conservative prick too and not even properly pro choice. And he’s not gonna be tough enough on climate change for it to matter any, it’s not enough to just go back to whatever Barack Obama did, we need more aggressive policies. Same goes for immigration and foreign policy, Trump is absolutely the worst in that regard but Obama was also very very ass and Biden would be too. And if people unify around Biden, it sort of gives the Democratic party permission to just never ever actually change and continue being a super right wing cesspool that’s in the pocket of Wall Street. I would never hope for a Trump win because fuck that guy, but I can’t say a Biden win would be any good either.

Either way, I’m sticking with Sanders for as long as he’s in the race, even though you have to go through some loopholes to send money his way legally when you’re not from the US (personally I bought a dope Sanders sweater from a US vendor that’s donating their profits to the campaign). But it ain’t looking good, and that’s not the fault of the progressives. Or I mean, if you’re a progressive who could have voted in a primary but didn’t, then maybe fuck you a bit (but only if you really could have voted, if your vote was suppressed then that’s on the party). I’m also really hoping progressives won’t stop organizing and quiet down in the wake of this, though I really get the impulse because this shit’s demoralizing af. But people’s lives are on the line, heck, the entire planet is on the line. Anyone who is able to should try to participate at least a bit. But as it looks now I’m sure glad I haven’t had any kids, because the future looks like trash.

[idontevenwatchbl]

Rambling about The Stranded

Alright, after sleeping in way too long and getting myself a cup of coffee, maybe I’ll finally manage to wirte something coherent about The Stranded?

Spoilers for the whole series below, of course.

-I liked it? Probably wouldn’t have watched it in one sitting if I didn’t, but still. It was good.

-So I heavily recommend it. Although if you’re reading this you probably have watched it already so who am I even talking to lmao.

-Kinda hoped it would have been scarier though. There were some creepy moments but none that were truly scary. Which was a slight disappointment, but they probably weren’t even going for straight up horror.

-That said though, I got a slight feeling that the series tried to do way too many things at once and lost it’s focus at times. They kinda kept switching the tone.

-Wich offered nice diversity and kept things fresh, BUT

-It kinda made the different aspects of the show feel a bit separate from each other. There was the horror-y stuff with supernatural aspects, then the relationship dramas, and then there was also the whole thing of the kids building a mini society on the island (or maybe more like how they kinda failed at that and everything just crumbled down).

-and also resulted in weird continuity issues like everyone just forgetting Arisa in the jungle for TWO WEEKS. I mean most of them probably didn’t care, but what about Ying? To be fair, Arisa did kinda ditch her, but still. She seemed to just forget she even existed and wow.

-They all got over Joey’s death a bit too quickly too, imo. Even though you’d think it’s a big shock for all of them. I mean sure, they just survived a tsunami and don’t even know if their FAMILIES are alive, but Joey was still the first one among them to die, so it would have been nice if it had a bit more impact.

-Some of the more lighthearted aspects also felt out of place at times. Didn’t bother me too much, but it’ll probably be jarring to some people.

-Also it was slightly amusing how even in the desperate situation they were in, ppl still had time for relationship drama. But they are teenagers and all the stress is probably messing up their hormones real bad, so I guess it’s kinda understandable.

-Anyway, my main concern would be that they they don’t manage to tie together these different sides of the shows in a meaningful way in the upcoming season(s).

-When Arisa first appeared on screen, like 2 minutes into the show, my first thought was literally; wow, I bet she likes girls? AND I MEAN-

-Speaking of which, the whole Arisa/Ying thing got me so confused. It was clear as day Arisa was attracted to her, but then she got all like ‘lol nope’. To be fair, it was most likely just the case of her not being ready to admit her feelings. But still, it frustrated me.

-ALSO then there was Arisa having a few moments with Nat towards the end of the series and Ying being patching things up with Ice.

-This is probably just me being way too into my ‘Arisa must be a lesbian’ -headcanon, but I have a mini theory that she was actually in love with Mint.

-Istg if Arisa and Ying DON’T get together in the hypothetical s2, I’m gonna be upset.

-Moving on from that, I also accidentally predicted May getting pregnant lmao.

-Can’t really remember it clearly, but there was some scene scene in ep1 when I thought ‘hm, is she pregnant?’ (I think they focused the camera on her stomach or something). Sure she wasn’t at the moment, but still. Lol.

-I also kept wondering in any of them even used condoms. Did the island even have condoms? I mean probably yes, but I’d be surprised if Ice and Ying hadn’t already used them all.

-I guess it really was just a matter of time before someone got pregnant.

-My favorite characters ended up being Arisa, Ying and Nahm. Especially loved Arisa, which is absolutely no surprise at all.

-ALSO, I just have to say this, Ying is really beautiful?? I’d be crushing on her too.

-Really hated Anan, but he was such an interesting character! Really complex, and I want to know more about him (and why he hates Kraam so much).

-Anan losing his shit over May cheating on him cracked me up bc I associate March too heavily with Phu and if you’ve watched Hormones, YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID. You reap what you sow, honey.

-I have surprisingly little to say about Krit and Jack, even though I liked them?

-They mainly just shattered my heart. Like I legit wanted to cry when Jack died, how’s that even prossible? We didn’t even know him for THAT long.

-Also, I probably shouldn’t have watched LBC so close to this. At first I just kept seeing Perth and Mark as Ae and Kengkla and LET ME TELL YOU, it kinda cracked me up even among all the angst. It did go away pretty soon tho.

-I know I’ve wished a slow, painful death for Kengkla (no offense at all, i’m just... NOT fond of the character), BUT THIS IS UNRELATED. Jack did nothing wrong.

-Both Perth and Mark did such a great job and I’M PROUD OF THEM.

-Btw, the casting for Jack and Jan was perfect. The girl who played Jan really resembled Mark. They aren’t actually related, are they?

-Btw, wouldn’t it have been better to amputate Jack’s leg to stop the infection from spreading? Sure that would have had it’s own risks, but since his situation was already pretty desperate, they should have just taken the chance.

-In the same vein, couldn’t they have used the generator to power up their phones? Kraam could have listened to the voice message his dad left, and WE WOULD HAVE ANSWERS.

-Okay, most likely not their top priority, but still.

-Gun confessing his love to sleeping Nat was so soft and I loved it.

-They most likely won’t end up together, but I want it so bad.

-I’m still not sure what to think about ‘’the teacher’’, or whoever she ends up being. Is she evil or not? Getting mixed signals here. Or maybe she’s more like a neutral being, not truly evil or good.

-Nahm said she’s not and she seems to be the most trustworthy of them all, but then again she DID have that weird dream. Is she under her influence?

-Took me a while to realize, but almost all of the people they showed at the end of the last episode, also acted in Hormones? No wonder they looked familiar.

-I kinda predicted we wouldn’t get any real answers in this season, but I’m still a bit frustrated. I WANNA KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON.

I most likely forgot to include something, and my ramblings most likely make 0 sense, but if I want to add something I’ll just make a follow-up post.

I really hope the series does well enough for us to get a second season, because this series definitely NEEDS ONE.

[ziracona]

One aspect I find fascinating about your fics is that Meg and a lot of the other characters are pop culture savvy, but also live in a universe where some of the most popular horror characters were real people. So, how do you think they would've reacted to meeting Nancy and Steve, who come from a universe where Michael, Laurie, and Freddy are all horror movie characters?

Ahhh thank you so much! I’m really glad you liked that. Pop culture was a really big element for a lot of the cast, & it is kinda funny I guess that several of them /are/ core horror pop culture.

So, this is kind of a hard one for me to answer, because I didn’t do ILM canon like DbD official canon. I do explicitly reference Stranger Things as fiction in Nearly Departed, but that was because I had not the foggiest clue DbD would /add/ a Stranger Things chapter—both because it’s super new and ongoing unlike their other horror “classic” staples, & because I wouldn’t even really call Stranger Things horror. I had been so damn careful 😂—I think the only horror film I name is Friday the 13th, which felt safe at the time because it’s got its own similar game & thus seemed unlikely to give DbD rights. If I had included Nancy & Steve, I would have gone back and replaced that segment with something similar, and just had ST exist in the same world as Halloween, NOES 2010, and Saw/all of the ILM cast. It’s the best solution, and you really don’t have to change any of the stories to do it. All that would have to change is that in this version of ST, Max wore a different Halloween costume, & three lines of dialogue are different. Fundamentally it’s exactly the same world. I know that’s maybe not the most exciting answer TuT, but it’s what I’d have done for a few reasons. Ima drop the rest under a read more bc I go way into writing & a little w horror meta tho: 💙

For one, it’s just kinda sad. It lowers the storytelling stakes because even a best-case scenario would be kind of a letdown for everyone. Not as much to gain: Not as much to lose. So, sad emotionally & kinda less motivating story-wise. Like, if any version of a happy ending even hypothetically would always mean these people who have bonded through years of self sacrifice and friendship and trauma and growth either /never/ see each other again, or go to one world together where only maybe one person would ever get to see their OG family again, and might also have to suffer with seeing their life as a film on that planet? Joked about, critiques, not taken seriously, no privacy? That’s just. It’s not a happy ending, or a satisfying one, even for the characters to /fight/ for, regardless of if they can win it or not. 

I’m aware that official DbD is multiverse, and there’s no assurance for even say Claudette and Meg being from the same world, let alone the world Halloween happens in, and was when I started writing. I just elected to ignore it. The devs even also explain a lot of the cosmetics as “alternate world versions” of the characters, instead of just fun costumes. I personally think that’s silly? And I’ve really never liked the multiverse decision. I got nothing at all against multiverse stories—they can be amazing—but you’ve got to have a reason if you do, and as far as I can tell, the only reason DbD is multiverse was so the Devs could release a bunch of classic horror characters into their game without worrying about continuity, which is lazy & not a great reason to pick multiverse. It can be great for stories, but in DbD, it would if anything just detract from the reality of the situation & the storytelling? Like, if I showed up in a hell pocket universe, and Michael Myers was there, it would be hard to take that situation entirely seriously, and it would fundamentally change how I interacted with others & they with me. If I knew his history, I’d use that to try to get through to him (what’s the worst that’ll happen? I’ll die like I do every day anyway?), but it would also be just weird & hard for people to relate. Like, if Steve Harrington has had conversations with a buddy about Laurie Strode being careless for not double-tapping her dead assailant & thinks of her as Jamie Lee Curtis & in some ways knows more about her life & family & universe than she does, but knows it all as an element of fiction? And at the same time, Kate’s seen Steve’s actor do interviews & play other roles and caught continuity errors in his /life/ while watching ST??? Hypothetically, someone /could/ unpack all that to tell a story, & maybe a fan has, but the Devs/game really, really haven’t, and in most instances, it’ll just mess up the characters’ abilities to relate to each other as human beings, as well as being miserable for the ones told they’re just characters from horror films in other people’s worlds.

The way DbD is set up really doesn’t lend itself to the kind of meta character vs humanity, role relationships between fiction & life narrative of, say, The Final Girls. Really all it does is make the world less real feeling. Less whole, more artificial. Less to be taken seriously, less belief willing to be suspended. Why are Laurie & Quentin fake in someone’s world? Does Meg not being in a story in Quentin’s universe mean she’s more real? It’s just messy. Multiverse is fine, but if you pick multiverse solely to make your job easier, at the cost of a more coherent, real, and engagable story (@ Devs >.>) that’s lazy/bad writing. I’ve read & enjoyed multiverse stories, but I’d never write DbD that way, bc I’d need a reason to, and I don’t have one. There was really no need for the devs to feel like they had to either, except pure ease w no work at all thinking about how or needing to explain anything, and I wish they hadn’t. : /

Like. Technically, Halloween & Scream shouldn’t be in the same canon—Halloween H20 plays a chunk of Scream 2 on TV, Scream 1 they’re watching Halloween 1978 & Scream 4 Sidney is asked “Who are you? Michael fucking Myers?” When she survives a murder attempt. But that’s not a big deal. It’s not a pivotal piece of world building and canon for either franchise. Scream is not fundamentally different if Randy is watching Friday the 13th or even some made up film, instead of Halloween. On top of that, a lot of horror references each other for fun and as tribute and I’m a huge nerd who adores this tradition. 😂 Scream & Halloween are so tight as franchises by the time Halloween H20 was released, that it actually uses chunks of Scream’s OST. It’s much better narratively for DbD if they’re all from one world, and in a way, it’s just a cool next step to the preexisting horror friendship metas between a lot of films. It’s really fun to figure out how they’d function together in one universe.

Anyway, that was long but I have so many thoughts on DbD & writing thank you for giving me an excuse to gush!! And thank you again for the compliment. I’m really happy you like my writing. It means a lot. 💙

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

K now you got me curious about that. I kinda assumed P5MC would’ve been stronger then P4 MC (P3MC beats them both no doubt from me) so why do you say that P4MC is stronger?

Was gonna make a separate post when I had time but now is a time as any XU (btw I still dunno why people think P5MC is stronger, is it cause of the gym? His Phantom Thieving? The gun? Stanael’s gun? The Yaldy scene? I really wanna read people’s reasons but I have a feeling it’s those and.....if that’s it then no one is paying attention to poor P4MC then ;w;)

So that post was more lore driven than gameplay driven just a heads up (gameplay it’s a lot more complicated because we have to look at like.....a bunch of different entries and lay down ground rules for those, cause like P3P!MC/FeMC vs P4MC vs P5MC is.....a lot more fair considering the former can’t use fusions due to them being items....assuming we can’t use items). Just want to clarify before I explain what I mean is lore wise (I’ll compare the Personas down below but I’ll try to keep it from crossing to much into the gameplay meta line). And this is excluding Royal/Scramble (cause....not everyone knows that stuff yet, and I need to reevaluate things myself and I just haven’t been able to yet XU). But man, people really do underestimate P4MC ;w;

Now then, without Personas they are probably about even, like if they got into a fist fight they could probably end in a tie (but my money is still on P4MC if I had to choose cause he gets back up). P4MC seems to be taller (by a few in) and a more buff build, while P5MC is more of a slim build (but is probs more agile). And this is regardless if they are in the Metaverse, TV World, or the Real World (cause he should get an outfit in the Metaverse, plus Personas seem to give the user great physical strength regardless if it’s a Metaverse setting or not). That being said, P5MC does have akido(?), but it’s self trained and that’s if he goes to the gym. But, P4MC trains with Chie (which he probably did cause they all probs maxed their SLs/CoOps, but Ren might not have gone to the gym), and also stays in shape thanks to 1) fighting Shadows and 2) his sports club SL (this is assuming we are only looking at their school time selves, Adult!P4MC is unknown atm), so it’s not like he’s out of shape himself. P4MC also has crazier and bigger fish too (also needed to complete an SL), so that could be deemed as a work out compared to P5MC’s fishing. 

If we’re looking at initial Personas (which is what they are most likely gonna run with cause of how the spinoffs handle P4/5), P4MC has the upper hand thanks to resisting Dark (aka curse) (btw Minato/Hamu would probs go down first in an initial only Persona fight, cause they’d be weak to P5MC and then P4MC could/would probs beat P5MC thanks to resisting the other’s attack).

Ultimate Persona is a bit more....I wouldn’t say even, but there’s strengths and weaknesses to both sides. Satanael has the upper hand with a “survive one attack” ability, resists everything but almighty, heatriser, and can harm INO via physical (and maaaaybe psy/nuke...it’s unclear how Atlus wants to treat INO in this regard). INO has better stats (and can achieve better stats than Satanael), can deal BIG almighty damage (thanks to mine charge, Satanael doesn’t have a charge), and while he doesn’t resist Light/Dark/Alimighty he does have a big evasion ability. I’d say INO could also be hit by PSY and Nuke thanks to PQ2 (which still makes no sense???? why didn’t they add resist in those categories to all the other ult Personas ??? XP) but P5R shows INO resisting those now so we gonna go with that....because that makes more sense (it makes sense for them to resist Psy and Nuke because they resist all elemental damage but since those didn’t exist, you could assume they could resist it cause it falls under elemental damage...but PQ2 fudges it up for some reason XP), I mean P5R also made him more of a beast since it seems like INO resists Phys too but I won’t include that. I mean if you wanna say he can be hit by Nuke fine, one more thing INO can be hit with....BUT INO also has a ult attack and Satanael doesn’t. Which, while Satanael and INO could be going toe to toe for awhile, INO might be able to deliver the final blow that Satanael can’t. 

Which leads into why....P4MC should win. He’s just shown he’s stronger in his stories. He wins because of his own power that made him stronger. P5MC doesn’t win via his own power. He wins because he receives outside help more often than not (which isn’t bad, I’m not saying having help is bad, but in a hypothetical 1v1....it doesn’t bode well for him). Against Yaldy he got a freaking buff from the cognitive world....A TEMP BUFF MIND YOU! THANKS TO COGNITION! It’s such BS! Yes, P3/4MC they received their power because of their bonds, their connections, MC’s are their friends’ power as much as they are power for the MC’s. P3/4MC could only get that strong because of their friends. It’s because of their own effort and will to protect the ones they care about is the reason they win......P5MC it’s because of the public cheering for them for like 5 min for a temp buff cause of cognition (and it def doesn’t continue to last cause of how the meter goes down to 50% later irl). Even with cognition on P5MC’s side, it’s probably not a whole lot to actually do anything beneficial for him like with Yaldy. P3/4 is about power of friendship and relationships. P5 is about the power of convenience and plot devices. Buncha bullshit that he gets handed the World Arcana like that, not even his own power saved the world (he doesn’t even have a World Arcana Persona! No one ever talks about that what’s P5MC’s World Persona?! P4 has INO, P3 has a finger 8U What’s P5′s????)

There’s also the fact P4MC can use Myriads of Truth outside of Izanami, and it can hurt people outside of her too (we know this thanks to Arena). Satanael can’t use his Sinful Shell (at least at this point in time, watch Atlus jk my post when Arena 3 comes out, I’m already prepared for it >8V I bet Atlus’ reason won’t even make sense because->) because it’s only used in the 100% cognition scene! Satanael can only be that powerful and can only use that move thanks to cognition! But you see, P4MC is Mr. Bond Master, he’s strong cause of his bonds, every handshake with a new person=him getting more powerful (half jk). 8U But this drive also shows that even if he loses a fight, he gets right back up because he wants to protect his friends (as seen post-Liz fight in Liz’s route in Arena). Like this is a big thing P4MC has that I think people overlook, this bastard has A LOT of willpower. Whenever that word is brought up, only Tatsuya (you know defying time and reality to keep his memories) and P3MCs (staying alive for like two months to keep their promise) are ever mentioned (and don’t get me wrong, those are amazing feats too! All three/four, FeMC/P3MC are technically two people, of these people deserve the top 3 will power spot), but gd P4MC has it too. After getting his ass handed to him by Liz, he got right back up and was like “round two!” and power starts to flow through him that it takes Liz aback! Or his most amazing feat, coming back from the freaking underworld (aka basically death), just will his ass right back in front of Izanami and then Izanami is unable to freaking kill him (he hangs onto 1 HP like a boss, hell if he can do this against P3MC it’s possible for him to even come out on top of that fight). Izanami literally says “can the will of so few surpass that of all mankind?!” His (and IT’s) determination is one that surpasses all of mankind! Compare that to P5MC, who defeated Yaldy because of his bond with his CoOps-oh wait no it’s cause of a BS temp power buff the public gave him my mistake. P3/4: “We know what’s best for mankind! And it’s not freaking death! Our will power will surpass mankind!” P5: “Y-yeah same! But we’re gonna not succeed on our own and get bailed out by the public, only for them to half revert back to their same old ways despite....changing for us for a hot second...wait what?” 

P4MC (depending on where in the timeline we have him and P5MC facing off), he’s had more experience too. Not only has he beaten 7ish gods/god avatars (to P5MC’s.......looking at all the P5 entries and without spoilers....possibly 3ish/4ish gods/godly avatars/god level stuff), he’s also faced off with 2 robots and what is basically a super soldier (aka Sho), he’s also fought against a lot of SEES who are seasoned fighters and had ult personas vs his initial persona (and won in some cases, or held his own A LOT, depends on the timeline/route). Oh and has fought more VR people/the VR people more times (P4/G, PQ1, PQ2, and...maybe Arena/Ultimax depends on the route). While P5 is catching up (kinda, we aren’t comparing how a lot of those final battles were won with the final blow), P4MC still has the most experience. 

The only way P5MC can win if it’s 1V4+, P5MC has access to the VR and can use multiple Personas and P4MC can’t, P5MC has 100% cognition on (not possible, and would be a real ass pull), P4MC is crippled beyond belief (even then I’d still expect him to win cause he doesn’t give up). 

So yeah. P4MC has more willpower, his Personas seem to have an advantage (either elemental advantage with initial, or stat+final blow for Ult), and doesn’t get up/gets right back up after a beating (so even if P5MC gets P4MC down to 0 hp, its possible P4MC will get right back up without the need of a skill like P5MC). 

That being said I need to reevaluate some stuff with Royal. I still think P4MC is stronger tho (but I think P3MCs are the strongest, that being said P4/5MC haven’t been put in a situation where they need to die to protect everyone, aka get the universe arcana, so I wouldn’t 100% count them out because I think P4/5MC have the potential to go as far as the P3MCs if need be...well....def P4MC.....not sure about P5MC he still needs to prove himself imo). 

[ecadiuu]

my theory on the ending of snk (spoilers)

wow. I can’t believe I’m so knee-deep into the lore of shingeki no kyojin again. right when I thought I was understanding things, I end up retracing and trying to understand the purpose of events and why characters did what...and the like. needless to say, I became infatuated all over again. during quarantine I got back into the series and caught up, spending the last week doing so. I just wanted to list what I think would happen at the end.

I’m fully convinced that the baby in the last manga panel is the og ymir fritz from the paths dimension being reborn into the mortal world and officially “set free”. I also think that the baby is historia’s. people like to argue about who the father is, if its the farmer, some people say its eren, idk. somehow I feel like it could be eren...that would make the birth of new ymir that much more poignant, but at the same time...I don’t know, I still have my doubts. its a 50/50 for me.

I am also set on the idea that armin will be the one to devise a master plan and make something happen in which he “saves humanity”, where it’s been foreshadowed by eren during that erwin/armin dispute. what he’s going to do exactly, I’m not sure. excited to see it though.

that being said, a part of me also has this theory that whatever happens, the one who will “land the finishing blow” or be the one to actually attempt to stop eren will be mikasa. I think this way because she is the only capable person within the vicinity of the main plot who is unaffected by the founder’s powers, being that she’s ackerman and asian. therefore, if something hypothetically happens where eren uses the founder’s power to facilitate his plan of genocide and therefore render eldians incapacitated, stopping even his fellow eldian friends from his initiation of destruction, mikasa is the only person who would be both unaffected and able to do something about it..also worth mentioning that her bond with eren could make that much more of a difference.

but also, I don’t even think eren’s plan of mass genocide can be stopped. truthfully, I actually think his plan might go through. worst case scenario is that the alliance tries to convince eren, and when that doesn’t work, they resort to killing him. bonus points if it’s mikasa that possibly kills him, like I mentioned, because isayama is the king of Suffer. of course not before eren confesses to armin and mikasa that he’s always loved them and he was distancing himself so that they could bear his death better. watch him about to die, be like, “I knew that this was going to happen in the future, and I don’t regret it. To save humanity, Mikasa, Armin,,,...I love you.” bam death. but then it doesn’t matter since the rumbling just kills everyone because the Will has already been initiated and it was all for naught. sadness ensues

jk I don’t think it’s going to be that sad... though we can never be too cautious because all kinds of deaths and sad dialogues are surely on the table. I think that the ideal conclusion would go like this: the rumbling ends up killing some but not all. eren makes the little girl paths ymir biologically modify the eldian race so that they can no longer transform into titans. this won’t erase any of the hatred that the other nations have for eldia, they will still fear them due to the long history that cannot be erased either. the cycle of bloodshed would most likely still continue, but to me this is the most peaceful way...

...this ending is unsatisfying and inconclusive, and it’s why it’s very unlikely. it’s why I think that the rumbling is inevitable. I also can’t trust isayama. he is not kind to us LOL. he can do whatever he wants. so I still think there’s going to be a lot of death and pandemonium and sadness soon to come.

I also wanted to touch on the subject of shipping because lol why not. I was never really a shipper in snk just cause all of my shipping energy is transformed into love and affection for none other than  a r m i n  the bane of my existence and also my will to live. 

eren’s going to die in one way or another. be it in action or in the few years he has left of life. taking that into account...it’s why I don’t see him ending up with anyone. he’s the main character, but just because he’s the main character doesn’t mean he’s going to have a happy ending with whoever it may be. eren doesn’t have enough time to find a wife and have a kid and live happily, and even if he did he’d only have like 2-3 years left. I’d doubt he’d even want to burden a potential partner by having a family just to leave them behind in the next instant. having a totally tragic, sad, but meaningful death is what I 100% see here, potentially, and that includes the life that he will have cut short due to his story. it’s quite sad to think he dies so early with the curse of ymir...but of course, that’s just how the story goes.

mikasa: IIII’m not totally sure who I see mikasa ending up with. what I do know for sure, though, is that her distance from eren was necessary in order for her character development--to prove that she is indeed not a slave to her ackerman instincts. this totally makes me want to touch on the manga of what I saw regarding her and eren’s relationship, so I’m going to right now. oh god.. straight up, I felt sooo bad for mikasa after reading the scene where...omg....the survey corps went to marley woo fun ice cream and that night, eren talks to mikasa alone near the mid-east refugees, being all like, “wHat dO I mEaN to yOU?” ,,,,like I don’t even consider myself an eremika shipper, but damn I was blushing for her. so cut to that part where she responds “family” when he asks between “because I saved you” or “family”... it was here where it was kinda confirmed that she has those kinds of feelings for eren...which makes this even sadder for me to think about. the way I interpreted that scene was that eren wanted to know if she was only so concerned of him because it was due to her nature of being an ackerman to protect, or if it was because he and her grew up together (in my opinion, it was the culmination of both, but maybe more so the fact that they grew up together). what I understood from his question was that the last thing eren wants is for mikasa to be attached to him due to her bloodline and therefore a slave to him because of her own instincts, which is what he believes. I also understand his motive for being so mean to her was because of this. maybe he even wanted to protect her from the pain of his inevitable death and a guaranteed future without him, and so distancing himself is what he finds is necessary for that. and for that reason, I tend to think that their separation is going to be the endgame for them. undoubtedly, mikasa will have to live the rest of her days without eren. it’s one of those sad aspects of love that’s so vividly shown in SNK that’s like, love is sometimes real but not possible due to circumstances. will mikasa end up with armin? I don’t know. it’s possible but I mean...I feel like mikasa would be too pained knowing how deeply involved eren was in both of their lives. someone “new” like jean? seems hugely weird...also jean constantly disrespected eren so...probably not. I’m totally fine with mikasa being single. she can be an independent bad bitch and have her memory of eren deep within her heart.

armin: okay, so armin has 9 years left to live. will he have partner and a potential family? maybe. a lot of these questions are big maybes. I could totally see it happen. with who? no clue. I see that armin x annie is a thing, but like.............I honestly don’t think annie has the capability to love anyone like that. I think her sole concern in life is her father and that’s that. her life is also limited to who knows how many years, she has an even shorter time than eren. and in addition, like...would armin even like annie....? I just hope this king is happy for as long as possible because he deserves it. I Love You Armin.

as for everyone else, I also could see people like connie and jean finding their partners once everything is over, of course if theyre still alive. levi and hange are probably going to be bachelors for the rest of their lives. focusing primarily on levi, I think his whole life he never really tried to get close to anyone or had thoughts of truly having intimate relationships because he would expect the possibility of them to die. levi is king of “protecting myself from hurt by not engaging in intimacy in the first place”. an art I am also soon to master thanks to his teachings. hange...I hope she lives along with levi and both of them can finally live in peace as the old, tired veterans they truly are. speaking of which, I hope she doesn’t die. but for some reason I have a sense in my gut isayama is going to pull something.

^^the above wasn’t meant to bash any ships or anything. it’s just what I thought regarding the characters’ endings in my point of view, all while keeping the themes of the series in consideration, trying to be as unbiased and factual as possible

as we know, snk characters x happiness is....rare. snk characters x life is even rarer. still looking forward to any ending isayama has tho, might just cry into a pillow when I read it

[komakitigerdrop]

Apparently I didn't express myself accurately. As you said indeed, certain scenes don't mean anything, so my question is, what scenes would actually mean something? (I'm being hypothetical, not trying to say existing scenes mean anything.) Or are you going to keep believing in YxF even after something big happened between MxF/TxF/YC/AxF? I'm the kind who buys whatever couple the author sells, but I'm curious about shippers loyal to one specific couple.

Ahh, thank you for sending another ask. I was not pleased with my previous answer either - I was pressed for time and didn’t articulate my ideas very well.

I think that the best way to answer your ask is to break it down into a few different parts, if you don’t mind. I will hide it under a cut so that I don’t clutter people’s dashboards.

1. About Shipping

I am not the kind that buys whatever couple the author sells, just because I am not naturally invested in most fictional couples (regardless of media type - I guess I am either too cynical, or just overly realistic). I read other mangas and in most of them, either only one couple draws my attention, or none. I find most of the tropes used in yaoi either dumb, childish or both. That is all to say that I hardly ever find myself emotionally invested in a fictional couple, but when I do… I do.

2. About Finder specifically

This part will merge with the next, “scenes that matter”. The reason why I can’t bring myself to find Mikhail and Fei a believable/interesting couple is because their relationship is not organic. By organic, I mean: something that was construed over time, something that followed a trail, that was built upon events that primarily existed to advance other parts of the story. Finder started in 2002. Fei Long and Mikhail were introduced in 2007. For twelve years, FxM interactions were limited and emotionless. Even their sex scene in Volume 9 was a transaction. Nothing was built to suggest any kind of emotional connection between these two individuals, nothing was said, on the page, about either of them being remotely interested in starting a romance.

Bear with me here.

Reason being, Fei Long was a character created to gravitate around Asami. The crux of his existence in the manga was always the relationship with this one man, the feelings for this one man. No one else. Not Mikhail, not Tao, not Yoh. Flash forward to 2018, and YA gives us that iconic scene in which Fei Long ships Akihito and Asami to a desert island, and I think that this is the gamechanger. Now Fei Long is in a position to move on.

Coincidentally, we readers are given back Yoh and a sex scene with Mikhail in the same damn chapter.

Two suitors with feelings for him.

On one hand, Yoh, whose feelings he admitted to Fei Long in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Of course he was not reciprocated. Then, there was Finder no Rakuin, in which their affection was mutual. Had its plot not been written by Yamane Ayano herself, dialogues reviewed and all,  I would happily cast it aside as “non-canon”. But it was, so I won’t. If one accepts Finder no Souen as canon to explain Kuroda and Asami, then one needs to accept Finder no Rakuin as canon to explain the feelings Fei Long and Yoh have for each other. I won’t label those feelings because in all honesty, I wouldn’t know how to. Fei Long’s heart was not within reach, and yet Yoh still managed to touch it. There is a connection between those two men based on trust, on forgiving, and yes - on physical pleasure. It delivers in all fronts.

You ask, what would be necessary to convince me that Mikhail is the real deal? I’d say, I would need to see him deliver in those three fronts. I’m sorry, but a night of sex in exchange for a favor, and a moment of compassion after a session of torture won’t cut it for me. Mikhail going to see Yuri, as I mentioned before, was due to concern and a sense of duty - but in all honesty, he is not the first and won’t be the last to put his ass on the line for Fei Long. Akihito did it. Asami did it. Yoh did it. Do they all get a ticket to Fei’s heart? If they do, then what is the point?

It was the need to save Asami that ultimately brought Fei Long and Mikhail together. It was not mutual attraction, interest, or compatibility of values/goals/personalities. What happens when Asami is safe and sound? Has Mikhail made that much of an impression that his presence in Fei Long’s life will be justified long after their current shenagigans get sorted out?

Again: maybe yes. Maybe YA will find a way to make Mikhail relevant, maybe the road she chooses is a passionate romance. But will that convince me that she is “picking Mikhail over Yoh”? No. Because these two relationships do not compare. Mikhail is an open flame, Yoh is a slow burning amber. It’s just who they are, it’s what they have to offer. Their purposes and benefits as “love interests” are very, very different. And yes, I will even say that Fei Long might have a thing with Mikhail, but is Mikhail going for the marathon or just a sprint? As I said, things change. A moment of tenderness does not equal a love affair; a love affair does not equal a lifelong commitment. YA, smart woman she is, will probably leave both doors open until the very end, because with Fei Long, she can do whatever she wants with his love life. She can give us all or nothing, then have Tao reach age of 21 and join the race as well.

And I bet she will have a load of fun playing with our emotions.

(She does it so well, tho!)

Part 3: About scenes that matter

I will talk about the scenes that don’t matter: the ones that could easily be removed from the manga without any harm to the characters’ development or to the plot. My favorite example: the infamous Sakazakigate. I might come here later to post an apology but it does look like sensei completely abandoned that idea (she had Sakazaki record a video of the whole thing and never used it. Why? What was the point of it?)

In terms of Fei Long and Mikhail: I might be wrong about this one as well, but I think we never got confirmation that is was Mikhail who got the temple set on fire in exchange for Sudou’s info about the goods. Which is a shame, because this demonic deal could easily contribute to his hero journey if it was revealed that Mikhail himself sent Sakazaki to warn Akihito about the fire (hence double-crossing Sudou. Or triple-crossing - who knows at this point!)

I could backtrack and find more scenes that existed for apparently no reason but this is too long already. My point is: scenes that don’t matter are those that promise great waves and in the end, fall short. Time will tell how much of the current arc will have an impact in the future - do the scenes between Fei Long and Asami when they are saving each other’s lives really mean this new phase of their relationship or were they there just for the action? Does Fei Long’s moment of tenderness with Mikhail indicate that the doors are open for romance? If yes, will we see that romance now, later, two years from now?

All in all… the scenes that matter the most are those that change characters and the story in some kind of irrevocable way. I think certain scenes in Finder no Souen did that to Asami, same can be said to Fei Long in Finder no Rakuin. And those scenes cannot be invalidated by any other future scenes, because they happened, the people involved in them changed, the mark was made.

I will continue to celebrate Yoh and Fei Long simply because their past and everything they went through, their trust, their synergy, all of that deserves to be celebrated. If Fei Long ends up with Tao, then be it. With Mikhail, okay. If he ends up alone, okay too. There is more than one type of relationship between two people and that’s what I’m here for.

[demyrie]

Wow I totally forgot to cry here but I love love love how you portrayed trans Shinsou in BnB?? Like maybe it's cause it's from Aizawa's POV or Izuku's instead of Shinsou's but it's just. I love it. It's not the only thing in his arc, it's not his only (very valid) concern. It's not over-mentioned and there's a good balance of acceptance and surprise from those who know like- God idk I just love that there's unrelenting support for him that isn't in his face or in the readers', it's so genuine

Oh god thank you so much. Really. It means the goddamn world to me, OH GODDDDD, because the instant that I realized it was perfect, that it was true for my Shinsou and how, I shied away from it for weeks because I was afraid i would mess it up. I didn’t even tell Rae that he was trans???? Like not until right before that chapter dropped??

So .. just … thank you. Everyone around him just loves him very much and will do their utmost to understand and support him. There will be misunderstandings and weirdness, but everyone is FOR him and whatever he decides, and not ABOUT him, and that makes all the difference in the world, and I really hope I communicated it in a way that wasn’t a Very Special Episode but also wove it into his identity and struggle in a real way that makes sense narratively.

Reflection on Trans/queer fics and headcanons and storytelling under the cut!

So here’s the thing that’s cool about being in fandom for many years and being able to see how queer and revolutionary existence grows and finds free expression within these communities and how it’s often our first time to see or just IMAGINE someone who looks like us and is like us in our popular media. It’s so encouraging and transformative to see trans characters and trans headcanons reaching the same level of notoriety or prevalence/relentlessness/joyful enthusiasm as cis gay/queer headcanons back in like the early 00′s when we (fandom) decided we could just shout “THEY’RE GAY GET OVER IT” with no further explanation and i still support that right with every part of me.

BECAUSE! Everyone could and can be gay or trans for no fucking reason, because we said so, because we need it. But Rae and i love to talk, and it’s brought up an interesting split in priority in the stories we are telling: the deep desire for normalization in “they’re just trans (stop making a big deal out of it)” vs the desire for understanding and identification and exploration in “They are TRANS!!!! OK!!!!!! >:O”. 

It’s the difference, per se, between having a Trans Hero and a hero that is also trans, which mainly depends on how the thematics of identity, belonging and the struggle reflect on and connect with the main plot. Trans or cis, most all of our queer media explores Otherness and separation because … we weren’t like other kids. We just weren’t, and it hurt, and we continue to hurt because there aren’t any people like us on screen that don’t end up dead or shamed or a lie. We are caught in the valley between people rolling their eyes that we dare claim different pronouns and be “so extra, it’s 2018 get over yourself” and being faced with massive violence and gender policing and murder for existing altogether.

So the question for narratives often is this: do we want to be like everyone else but also trans? or do we want to be trans heroes? And I think the answer is, we need both kinds of stories in our world.

We need stories that have a trans character who is just hanging out. Transness is not the largest part of their life, but neither is it a footnote. it’s like … veganism maybe. I mean, yer gonna know, it’s a part of them, but what you decide to do with that info is your own decision and may only come into play if you (following the metaphor) take that person out to eat lol lol. It carries the statement “hey im a fucking person outside of my XYZ” and … i mean hey thats fucking important and clearly some people are still in the dark about this ok.

But we also need stories with unapologetically Trans heroes – heroes whose story is one of Becoming, who struggle, and fight with themselves and others to be the person they want to be, the person THEY ARE, and the narrative reflects that and draws the ignorant in while venerating and affirming the trans reader. This will lead us into the kind of empathy that demonstrates that not only are we people, we are extraordinary, and we have something to add to the world. 

We can be heroes not despite of our Otherness, but because of it, because we see things and have seen things no one else can see, and that’s immensely fucking important as well.

Identities fluctuate in and out of the spotlight of our lives. Not to say they’re in vogue one minute and gone the next, a fad, but that some days you are a BALL of trans or queer or gay anger and you cannot IMAGINE how you are supposed to fit into this hateful ignorant and dangerous world, and your body is at its max and just can’t hold anymore pain or disappointment. Other days, it’s alright, and your body is behaving itself, and you’re more concerned with your status as Caffeinated person, or Art person, or Gonna Get a Promotion person who is also trans.

Anyway, all this to say … y’all are heroes. Be yourself. write what you want to write about people like you because every viewpoint matters and I honor your story.

My Shinsou is trans and a queer disaster (he has a crush on the entirety of 1-A) and Aizawa is very fucking proud of him. So here’s a snippet in the hypothetical Eri arc with a freshly-on-T Shinsou and his dadzawa having a conversation about what it means to be “manly” RE: the fact that Aizawa’s sweet hero husband is currently cooking pancakes with Eri and Shinsou wants to join in but is AFEARED of gender roles:

“Getting over yourself is important,”he admitted, when he’d thought for a bit. “Life is short. Do whatinterests you. You’re not going to gain anything by playing toothers’ expectations. You want to learn how to cook, learn how.”

Shinsou’s expression was serious as hetook in that bit of wisdom. Looking him over, Aizawa reached out andthumbed the kid’s head to the side, then curtly flicked his nose.Shinsou grunted.

“Also, shave.”

“Says you?” he snorted, grinningonce more. Aizawa frowned.

“It’s inappropriate for a Hero Coursestudent to be scruffy,” he stated. “You have reason to be proud,but there’s decorum to consider.”

(He’s still a hardass tho. A very proud hardass! He loves his scruffy son!!!! TAKING AFTER HIS DAD!!!! AAAAAAA)

thank you for the beautiful message anon!!! You are great!! and I’m glad it resonated with you!! I put a lot of heart into it and I’m glad you felt it.

[tumblunni]

Ok so.. I feel really ungrateful as fuck saying this.. but it kinda bugs me how much perrin being nonbinary just.. isn’t really shown at all.

At least, in what i’ve seen so far, yknow? I watched the first ep of someone else’s let’s play to see if i was gonna like this game, and i like this game SO MUCH that I stopped right there and am downloading it at the speed of light yo!!! My hype is maximum and I really don’t want this to be seen as a hate message or anything, it's just a mild opinion piece about something that bummed me out a little, as a nonbinary person.

Ok so.. again, this makes me sound like an ASSHOLE but I have to say it.. Perrin looks like a boy. 100% of all LPers I have seen have assumed they were a boy. I, a nonbinary person, assumed they were a boy. (And felt like absolute shit afterwards, man I still have to work on my internalized gender stereotypes!)

Now in real life I absolutely wouldn’t go around being some douchebag who tells other NB folk they aren’t dressing ‘right’, or whatever. In real life people can feel very different ways about being outside of conventional gender norms. Some people feel like “both at once” or “neither” or “something else entirely that doesn’t touch either side of our society’s current binary stereotypes”. And regardless of whether you’re agender/bigender/genderfluid or any other type of genderqueer person, your fashion sense doesn’t have to fit any strict rule to “prove” it to people. Some people try and dress in androgenous stuff, some people try to mix parts of both gendered fashion worlds, some people like to wear very neutral baggy stuff as a different way of being androgenous, some people like to wear wild and fun stuff that never had any gender stereotype in the first place/because it helps them feel confident in themself if they have a big brave kind of fashion, yknow? (that’s why I dyed my hair at least, and why I think a lot of lGBT people do) And of course, some people just prefer ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ clothes regardless of not being that gender, and if we can accept that cis women can enjoy ‘tomboy’ fashion then we should accept that trans people don’t have to fit into even more rigid fashion rules in order to ‘earn’ their gender.

BUT this isn’t real life, it’s a videogame

We have a lot more context here, with the context that this is a character designed within a fandom whose previous attempts at NB representation have kinda started setting up a trend. In that context, this is a bit worrying that it’s happened again, and maybe future fangame creators are feeling like they have to do it, or something?

Like the NB protagonist Pluto in Pokemon Uranium.

They’re still someone I deeply love, but their design looks incredibly masculine aside from a side ponytail. If anything their design communicates more that they’re a younger option compared to the other two, or something?

And the two NB protagonist options Ari and Decibel in Pokemon Reborn

Their designs look like more traditionally masculine and feminine-leaning ways of being nonbinary, ykno? And that wouldn’t be bad on it’s own, but let me try and explain what I mean...

A similar issue occurs in the unrelated dating sim Hustle Cat:

Which is generally incredibly progressive and actually the first dating sim I’ve ever seen that lets you play a nonbinary protag! But you still get only two character models to choose from.

Like it’s great that they had two options to aknowledge how not all trans people are the same, but it starts to look a bit.. odd, when those two options are ‘feminine and masculine’ and no form of androgenous is ever an option. or even like.. someone with a ‘masculine’ body build but a ‘feminine’ fashion sense. That would be kind of a stereotypical way to depict a trans character but it wouldn’t just be making a random design that could fit amoungst the already existing gendered protags and then just saying they’re trans. And a lot of people found it weird how these ones seem to be drawn as like.. both on the far masculine end, just a cis man and a trans man.

Like.. even as a nonbinary person myself, I wouldn’t have known these characters were nonbinary if you hadn’t told me. And that leaves me feeling horrible about myself that I judged them on first sight, but I mean this is within a genre of entertainment that’s literally never had any Me in it and i’ve got used to being all ‘no you’re just reading too much into it’ whenever i headcanon anyone as genderqueer...

And just.. I feel like if you’re gonna just draw another two masculine and feminine looking characters, or just a second masculine one (or a weird two masculine ones that’re labelled male and female with no option for in-between...) then couldn’t you have saved time by just letting us choose our pronouns for the two you already had? like I already play a lot of games headcanoning the protag as just a masc-fashion version of my enby self, I feel like kinda the point of adding a third design would be to make it something the others aren’t already delivering. Look at it this way, you already HAVE two nonbinary characters who look masculine and feminine, just like the player could also play them as a trans boy and trans girl. Pronoun selector box is the greatest invention of our time! So what I’m really saying is not “don’t have super masc NB protags” but just “can we have another option too?”

Oh, but then that’s also been done not-so-well by certain games too.. Awesome amazing multiplayer party game dating sim Monster Prom let’s you choose your pronouns!

...except these are your only character options! All of these are very clearly intended to be read as masc or femme, you’re probably gonna feel dysphoric as heck if you play them as trans, and none of them work super well as nonbinary either. I think pretty much every NB player has always gone for Oz (yellow one), cos he’s the one that’s most capable of fitting that headcanon just by virtue of being perpetually shadowed. Tho still his default is “he” pronouns, his fashion sense is masc and his voice is masc. Still I’m really fuckin proud of the fandom for collectively latching onto NB Oz and using “they” all the time in fanworks, and then the developers being okay with it, like holy shit man you healed my goddamn heart... <3

Still, it makes me feel a lil like this would have been easy to fix? like I’m not saying redraw everything to have them all change bodies/fashion style depending on your pronoun choice, but like.. maybe just not draw them with such super disparate body styles in the first place? like in this style every girl is hourglass and has weird legs out arms out pose, and every dude is a chunkfest with twice as big hands and feet. Like you could have maybe just made two of the characters be a very curvy girl and a very buff boy, and then the other two be more neutral in appearance but still retaining the same designs. Like I think if you just gave the blue girl a baggier shirt that doesn’t highlight her boobs and hips so much, she could easily be my favourite ‘most NB-able’ design! maybe also tone down the eyelash and lipstick effects?

I think probably a similar thing could have been done with the Reborn protagonists? like there’s nothing inherantly feminine about wearing a tanktop and having a fancy undercut hairstyle and such, its just the way they drew Ari that makes them look feminine. I guess maybe that’s a necessary evil of fangames, since they usually use edits of already existing characters from the games? Then again the games have plenty of androgenous characters already, even if nobody is canonically confirmed as LGBT. *shrug*

Anyway

I absolutely am not trying to nitpick and attack the game for not being perfect in this one aspect. i’m still super excited to even see someone like me in a videogame at all, and I’m definately not one of those people who’s like ‘I’d rather have nothing than have something flawed’. I already admire you greatly for what you’ve done for the inclusivity of this fandom, and I hope that my discussion of this stuff doesn’t discourage you from continuing.

And I guess my point is, in summary

What I mean is not “there are no nonbinary people who prefer to dress masculine instead of androgenous”, but instead that when you’re designing a nonbinary person as the only option a nonbinary player gets or the only nonbinary person in the game, with no playable option, it would probably be a little better to draw them androgenous.

Like, you’ve put that NB character into the role of representing all nonbinary people ever, to the hypothetical audience of people who’ve never heard of the concept before and aren’t super educated about the intricacies of gender presentation. And then also rather than using traditionally gendered outfits to aknowledge that NB people have many ways to present themselves... you’ve given us less ways to present ourselves.

Also it’s a little bit odd that you have an NB rival but said “we’re not ever considering an NB player option in the future”. Sorry but I cannot understand the logic? Like.. you know NB people play your game if you wanted to put NB representation in it, but you didn’t put it as playable because... reasons?? I hope maybe that interview was just taken out of context and you meant something more like “it’s not planned for now because it’s a lot of work and the game is still in its demo stage”, which is absolutely an understandable reason and how Uranium and Reborn did it. But Uranium and Reborn were kinda odd for being a world where literally nobody else aside from you could ever be NB, so I am really grateful that your game did add an NB character. And one in a big role!! This is what i mean about how grateful I am and how I feel awful that my bad internet typing skills are making this post come off as more aggressive than intended.. *sigh*

OH and also maybe a tip for Periin? just.. like.. mention their pronouns. It’s really frustrating to watch everyone doing let’s plays of this thing and constantly assuming Perrin is male because their design is very masculine. Even me! Even me was assume! :( So like... maybe just have Perrin actually tell the audience that they are nonbinary at some point, during this introduction? or have the protagonist’s inner monologue mention it, or another character mention it on the way towards meeting Perrin? like I dunno, maybe a Perrin fan npc?cos it would seem a bit more natural to talk about gender if it’s someone saying “wow I admire Perrin’s androgenous fashion sense” rather than like.. a stranger saying “i can’t tell if you’re a boy or a girl from your face”.

I can understand how it can be tricky to figure out how to introduce a LGBT character’s LGBT-ness without having them go around saying it to every new person they meet, it’s something I’ve had to fix in the editing process even as a trans person writing trans characters. But just having their gender only be mentioned on missable promotional material outside the game means that a lot of players won’t ever hear about it, and it like.. has zero impact of actual inclusivity on the game. It’s why people were angry about DUmbledore only getting revealed as gay after the series already ended. Him being gay missed all of its chances to make gay readers of the series feel welcome, or have any part of his character be informed by his sexuality. like the plot between him and grindlewold could have been way more effective if it was him losing a boyfriend to the dark arts, just sayin...

anyway whatever, bunni is bad at writing coherant posts in summary thanks for perrin and sorry for whining about perrin, aaaaa

[the-misadvntures-of-me]

Not Friends With Benefits:

An Excerpt: By Me: I love Tumblr

First of all, I would just like to encourage you to pray for my best friend Lydia.  That poor, poor soul.  We love her.  There's a reason the password to this page is 'not again'.  I'm stupid and for a moment there, though I thought I should delete that sentence because WHAT IF someone discovered my password.  Then I did a think.  OK MOVING ON.

The people in my life have come to appreciate how fucking problematic I am.  I really do think that if someone were to do a study on the human levels of problematic-ness, I would definitely receive some sort of Nobel Prize.  What an honor.  To quote my mother, "Things really DO seem to always happen to YOU huh."  Thanks, Sondra.  Through the course of reading through this wonderful Tumbler account, I'm sure you'll begin to understand why this was said about me.  To be completely honest, sometimes I amaze myself.  Like dang, what the heck bro.  But it's ok.  Good thing I'm an enneagram 4.  "The unicorn".  

I should know more shit about the enneagram now that I think about it.  I took a whole college class on it.  But haha nope.  I love being ADD.  I did do a lot of doodling.  I got better at my hand lettering, and honestly, that's the most important life lesson I got outa that.  Side note, my professor was a Dick and failed me.  I took it up with the board of directors, they saw my work, gave me an A, and fired him.  That made me feel better.  Another side note, I'm fantastic at getting teachers fired, as this was the third one.  A story for another time.  *Cough cough middle school Spanish*. #FuckDora #SraMooreTheExplorer #Perra(BITCH)

Hi so I'm also gey.

And on the autistic spectrum.

Fun times.  Whatta BOP.

Moving on. Yes oooh the fun title.  We love.  Title is a fun word, it reminds me of tits.  ^^^^^ ADD to the MAX right now, apologies.  No, I'm not chill with the idea of the big ol' FWB.  Friends With Benefits.  WooHoo.  I fucking love the world.  First of all, friends with benefits is DEFINITELY a sex thing.  Not about that sexy life.  Anymore heh.  So no, FWB is not a term in my pure-as-heck mind.  RIP.  God help me.

The whole idea of "friends with benefits" is just sad.  It's sketchy, lame, and pathetic.  Can't find love?  Lmao fake it bro.  Bored?  Fuck. Yeah.  Fun times.  But when I sat down the other day and started to think about it, because why not fam, I started to think about the social standards of the world.  So philosophical, I know.  If you think about it though, if you're not doing the whole sex thing, why not kiss your friend?  I mean, kissing is pheNOMenal.  Muy Bien.  *Hispanic Clap*.  *NakedMoleRatFace*. Why are social standards against kissing your homies?  If not them, why not your best friend?  Best friend as in - best guy friend in this case - but I mean if u gey u gey.

(I'm gey tho, but oh well.  Ish.  Yet again, a story for another time.  It doesn't apply here.  Lydia and I may be soulmates, but NAH bro.  None of that romance.  CAN'T A GEY CHICK HAVE A FEMALE BFF.  To clarify, because I'm not shutting up yet, I am bi.  Ish.  Not public or defined by a label necessarily because J E S U S.  Y'all need Jesus.  I need Jesus.  Sheesh.)

This once again brings me to my precious best friend and soul mate forever, Lydia.  I texted her this wonderfully philosophical question, and I received the eloquent response of, "God NO".  Once again, may I prompt you to remember the password for this page.  I have a track record for making terrible decisions and then casually THROWING THEM at Lydia.  "Can one casually make out with their guy best friend" really is a great way to add some fun FIRE to any conversation.  I highly recommend.

The thing is, this is not hypothetical because who am I kidding, I'm STUPID.  :). Hehe RIP.

SO, we had a wonderful conversation full of ups and downs and highs and lows and poor, 17-year-old Lydia, once again, needing to play the role of my mother.  She may be younger than me, but that girl has 20 years of wisdom on me.  I am a heavenly fetus of bad decisions.  YES, FINE, MAYBE I casually made out with my guy best friend.  Big whoop.  This was the event that prompted my wonderfully philosophical question, and the fantastically engaging conversation I had with Lydia.  To be blunt here, what the fuck are social standards anymore?  I mean, a fat man can run into the street in a leotard and a wig and proclaim he's a female, and boom.  He sure as fuck is.  So WHAT is the big deal with me *casually* making out with my guy best friend?

For a few days, I decided to once again casually slip this question into my conversations, and the results really did shock me.  People who openly supported the LGBTQXYZ community, (and were okay with the idea of the fat leotard wig man) were absolutely appalled when I brought up this idea of friend-kissing.  The irony.  I'm not hating against the community, once again, BI AS FUCK. But still.  I wasn't expecting their response at all.  I do, however, understand their response.  Not the leotard man response, but the aversion-to-kissing-your-friends response, because that’s not friends with benefits... right?

This is a reflection that will be continued later, as I am tired.

[choisgirls]

In the Right Direction { VxMC - Soulmate!AU}

Words: 3,620 (so its a long post and I won’t put it under a “keep reading” because that messes up on mobile for some reason?)

So here’s the first part of that Soulmate!AU I talked about a very;;; long time ago ^^;; But here it is;; idk if its good but here you are;;;  ~Admin 404

JUMIN

                His compass practically screamed that this cute, blonde girl in his gallery wasn't the person he thought she was. He elected to ignore this stupid hunk of junk because he believed he had found his sun. Though Jumin has told him numerous times to listen to his head every once in a while instead of his heart, he just couldn't dismiss these strong feelings.

               When he found her and their relationship to be... less than ideal, he should have listened to his head. Could he just up and leave this women he spent so much time, passion, and love on? He could live with growing old with someone besides his designated soulmate, as long as he was with someone he loved. But now she's gone, and he has nothing left to look forward to.

               The people close to him knew how much he wanted to find the love of his life-- how much he just wanted to love and be loved back. They've always told him to just follow his compass, don't look up until the needle starts to spin like crazy. You would think that's what he would be doing from the beginning, but he wanted to give everyone a chance.

               Most people in this world look only for their soulmate-- using the compass given to them at birth to search the world with a fine-toothed comb, eyes constantly glued to the small circular object-- missing out on amazing connections, marvelous adventures-- they're missing out on what could have been an extravagant love! He wanted to change all of that; he wanted to prove that you can live happily with someone you love, despite the fact that someone is out in the world, completely perfect for you. Love can be found in imperfections.

               His history with Rika didn't change this outlook on this ideal, not even in the slightest. If anything, it solidified his thoughts! He truly loved her, but now he's able to see that he just wasn't the one for her and vice versa. Though, after the ordeal, he was left wondering just how love would feel with his soulmate. Someone he was literally made for... the love had to be something other-worldly, right?

               Jumin was the one to finally push him into searching for you. Jihyun was already traveling for his photography, it wouldn't be too hard to search for you as well. It took quite a bit of pushing to get him to agree, however.

               "V, listen to me. You're already going abroad to take photos for your next gallery. You can search for your soulmate along the way," he  explained, taking a sip from his glass of wine.

               "But what if Rika was already the one? What if my compass is just broken? What if it never worked in the first place? What if-" he was cut off by Jumin scoffing.

               "Why don't you just try it, V. It really won't hurt you. You might find your other half, the perfect one for you, the peanut butter to your jelly, your-"

               "Who are you and what have you done to Jumin Han?" his laughter following the question soft and light, "I thought you didn't believe in love of any sort?"

               His friend shrugged before taking another sip of his wine, "I don't exactly, but I do believe in your happiness. I think you should try and find what I know will make you the happiest."

               That was it- that was all he needed to now be sat on a plane, looking out of the window at the clouds surrounding the aircraft. 'I won't look at my compass until I'm settled in on the ground. I won't make this a big thing,' he thought to himself, 'it'll be alright. If I find them, great, if I don't, that's alright too.' All the excitement he had for this photography trip was slowly deteriorating because he couldn't help but think about the navigation device. What if he really did find the one on this trip? What would he even do; what would he even say? He couldn't help but be worried about just who you were, how the two of you would intermingle- but his biggest worry was what if you didn't believe in soulmates? What if you were like him, and believed in natural love, but only natural love?

               Those intrusive thoughts were the only things he could think of. It finally got to the point where he put his camera down and only followed his compass. He followed it across multiple cities, countries even! The only time he was ripped away from his compass was when he kept receiving call after call from Saeyoung.

               "Is everything alright? You've called me a lot in the past-"

               "There's someone new in the chatroom," came Luciel's anxious voice, out of breath and dripping with concern.

               "What do you mean? That's impossible, isn't it? I thought you had everything secure and-"

               "I did! I did and that's the problem! How did they get into the chat? How did they get past all of my security, how did they-"

               "Luciel," Jihyun started, speaking low and slow to help his friend calm down, "Take a moment to catch your breath. Obviously, finding out how this person joined our closed group is the big question here, but you have to think about another fairly important question."

               "And what is that exactly?" He asked, audibly a little calmer thanks to Jihyun.

               "Just who this person is. Running a background check is fairly important.  We don't know who they are, or if they're trying to harm us. I'm counting on you to figure this out, Luciel," he couldn't bring himself to talk anymore, so he hung up the phone. He felt as thoughts rushed through his mind- who could it be? How did they get into their private messenger? Are they there to hurt him or his friends? Was it... no, it couldn't be. His phone lit up less than a moment later, baring Luciel's name again.

               "Did you find anything?" he asked, not so much as a hello.

               "It's a girl," he replied- he seemed 10 times more calm than he did in his last phone call.

               "A girl? Really? I need all of the details, no matter how small you think they are," he started to head back where he was staying during his trip, the photos and compass both thrown to the back of his mind. 'Finding love can wait,' he thought, 'my friend's securities are much more important.'

               Later that day, he finally got a chance to log into the chat room, hoping to talk to this new stranger. It was a simple conversation, but he felt this weird feeling in the bottom of his stomach. Was this feeling fear? Maybe it was panic? He just knew it was brand-new and unexplainable. Brushing it off as the general anxiety that comes with a situation such as this one, he decided the best course of action would be to work with her. Denying her access could make things 10 times worse. He didn't want to believe that this could have been connected to Rika and her organization, but he couldn't rule it out, either.  He headed home the moment he could, his photos could wait, his compass was thrown into his jacket pocket and forgotten about.

               The first few nights, he found himself logging into the chatroom once everyone had gotten off, reading each and every message. All of them wanted him to set a date for the new party, but he wasn't sure he wanted to. He had a bad feeling that his previous love was behind it all, but reading how nice and caring you are to all of his friends... he didn't think you were truly involved. You were some sort of pawn and he hated that you were a pawn in this mysterious game.

               But, looking through all of the messages, he always found himself smiling when he saw your name popping up and he didn't bother to stop himself. You were so warm and inviting, you seemed interested in everyone's well beings, and you had nothing to gain from caring about them all yet you continued to. You were... different than Rika. You were everything Rika pretended to be.

               As days passed, everyone seemed openly surprised the fact that Jihyun had come to the chatroom more often than he has in the past few years, but he couldn't explain to them why. Although it hurt to stare at the phone for too long, he suffered through it just to talk to you. When he couldn't see anymore for the day, he would call you. Talking until the early hours of the day were a common thing between the two of you already. Hearing you fall asleep on the phone made his heart skip a beat, and he didn't think he could feel that again- let alone so soon.

               You talked about anything and everything. Places you'd love to travel, stories behind some of the pictures he's taken, he's even talked to you about his concerns for his friends and a hypothetical situation about his ex.  He felt like he could talk to you about anything in the world, but it had only been a few short days. Sure, he was open with his love and cared about everyone but there was just something a little bit different with you.

               "MC, may I ask you something?" he whispered into his phone, laying in his bed with an arm thrown over his currently burning eyes, his phone to his ear.

               "You know you can ask me anything, V," you answered just as quietly, though to him it sounded as if you were always singing. Your voice was just so heavenly to his ears and his heart.

               "It's about love. What do you believe in?" he paused, taking in a shaky breath that he hoped you couldn't hear. "Do you believe in natural love? Or do you believe in the fact that everyone has someone in the world made specifically for them?" he asked cautiously, scared to hear a certain answer. When you took what felt like a million years to answer in that sweet, soft voice of yours.

               "I believe in love. Whether its love that forms between two people who truly have a connection, or if it's the kind of love between two halves of one soul. Either of them are absolutely beautiful," you answered, hearing him let out a soft sigh. He couldn't help but smile at your answer. Why did he even bother to ask? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew you would view it in the same light as himself.

               "Have you been in love, MC?" he asked before he could even realize the thought passed his mind. You gave a soft sound of disagreement, and his previously large smile simmered down to a softer, warmer one. "One day," his words ghosted, "I hope that love is directed towards me."

               His hand flew to his mouth and his eyes shot open, realizing the words that just came from his mouth. "I-I um," he stammered, his face turning a crimson colour, "F-forget I said anything. It's... it's late, I should have let you gone to bed a while ago, I apologize. I'll um, I'll speak to you tomorrow. Good night."

               He rushed to end the call, his hands shaking the whole time as he strained his eyes to see the end button on his phone.  He was in such disbelief that he let that slip off of his tongue. There was some sort of feelings for you in his heart but he didn't know if it was love per say. It was different than what he felt for Rika, but he knew he wanted to pursue it, just... not so suddenly. He spent hours just thinking, burying his face into his pillow and contemplating all of his feelings. He was afraid he made things uncomfortable between the both of you and he was worried. However, now the need to protect you was solidified in his mind- he couldn't let anyone get to you, not even Rika.

               Over the course of the next two days, he still visited the chatroom to see you, but not for as long as he previously would. He noticed that you treated him just the same as before, but he couldn't shake his awkward feeling. He decided to just talk through it with you at the party, that way he has a day or so to prepare exactly what he wanted to say. Too bad Jihyun's plans never work out the way he wants them to.

               He picked up his phone, greeting a frantic Luciel. Before he could mutter a 'What's wrong',  Luciel is talking a mile a minute and Jihyun just couldn't keep up.

               "V. It's the security system for the apartment," the younger man started. Jihyun moved to sit on the edge of his seat, his eyebrows furrowing together. "The... special security system," he finished. His eyes practically popping out of his head, Jihyun stood up, already trying to feel his way to his front door.

               "What about the system? What's wrong with it? What about MC? Luciel, please tell me that MC is alright," he panicked, feeling around for his jacket. He didn't want to hear what was coming next but he knew he had to, for MC's safety.

               "It's... it's been compromised, someone hacked into it. Probably the same person who led MC there in the first place. It's been armed and disarmed, over and over again. I've been trying to take back control of it, but there's always the possibility that they could-" Jihyun cut off the red head with a loud curse. Luciel knew just how upset his friend was now due to the fact he next to never used such strong language.

               "I'm going. I'm getting MC out of there," he stated, leaving the house and frantically trying to make his way to the apartment. He was tired of hearing Luciel try to tell him to just stay put, it was too dangerous, especially for him and the state of his eyes but he didn't care. All he cared about was getting you out of that apartment and getting you safe, away from it all, where he can physically hold and protect you. He never even got to see you in person, there was no way he was going to let the world take you from him so soon. There were so many things he wanted to know, needed to know about you before he would ever be satisfied in life.

               Breathing heavier than he ever had in his life, legs shaking like Jell-O, and his eyesight worse due to the mixture of terrified tears and the wind piercing his eyes, he arrived at the apartment, knowing he had to calm himself down before MC opened that door. Leaning a hand against the doorway to make sure he didn't fall over, he brought his other hand to knock on the door. Before he did, he could hear your panicked voice muffled behind the door.

               "Seven, what do you mean? What are you talking about? A BOMB? There's a BOMB in this apartment? Why would you- Who would-," he could only imagine you would shake your head in disbelief at this point, "Nevermind. You know what I don't want to know why there's a FREAKING BOMB. So what... what do I do? Do I... do I leave? Do you think it'll go off?"

               Jihyun's fist hovered in front of the door, afraid to knock and only make the situation worse. Maybe Luciel was right? Maybe he shouldn't have come, the younger man was surely capable of taking care of it himself. His self-doubting thoughts were washed away when he strained to hear your quiet voice whimper behind the door.

               "I just wish V were here. He'd know what to do. I'd definitely feel better..." hearing you wish for him brought the warmest smile to his face. His heart started to beat so fast it stuttered and his whole abdomen was full of millions of butterflies. Before he could change his mind or run away, he rasped his knuckles against the door, ready to finally see you with his own two eyes... He hoped he would be able to see clearly when the door flew open. He could hear Luciel yelling through the phone not to open the door, in case it was the hacker, he saw a figure wielding what looked like a lamp over their head, ready to protect themselves.

               "MC, wait! It's me," he begged, stepping back slightly to avoid the lamp colliding with his head if you were to swing. He watched the lamp get lowered as you raised your face to look him in the eyes. He believed in heaven, he believed in angels, and he believed in miracles- you were all three to him in that exact moment.

               His fuzzy eyesight didn't clear completely, but when he looked at you, it seemed like you were in high definition. The world was blurry but you were the clarity in his life he had been looking for- apparently you were the clarity his eyes needed as well. He quickly glanced at his surroundings, noticing nothing was clear to him but you. You seemed to have this heavenly glow surrounding you as well- was this what an aura was? Or was that the indication of your wings, because he sincerely believed you had wings. He felt like he had finally found the last true mouthpiece of heaven,  these few seconds feeling like the rest of his life, and he was content with that. Your growing smile was like the light of God, shining brightly and piercing him straight to his heart and soul.

               He watched as you ran towards him, his arms instinctively opening to hold you close. The moment your bodies made contact, electricity shot through him, and his chest felt... full. He knew his heart was pounding loud enough for his newfound love to hear, but he didn't care. He wanted them to know just how fondly he thought of them, how much they had an impact on his heart.

               "MC, it's alright, I'm here for you," he whispered against the top of your head, burying his smile in your hair before continuing in a soft voice, "I came to protect you." keeping your arms wrapped around him, you pulled you head away from his chest to look up at him, locking eyes and offering him a small smile.

               "You ran all the way here, for me?" your smile dropped, a concerned look replacing it, "but you could have been really hurt! V, that's-" he cut you off by placing a finger to your lips, smiling at the small blush that rose on your cheeks.

               "Jihyun. Please, I want to hear that heavenly smooth voice say my actual name," he proposed, gently laughing at just how much your blush had grown. He wouldn't bother hiding his feelings anymore, he had already exposed himself days before.  You hid your face back against his chest, running from your embarrassment as the two of you just stood holding each other in the hallway for several minutes. Luciel kept taking screenshots from the security cameras and sent them to the group chat, frantically fangirling.

               Your eyebrows furrowed together as you removed your head from his chest again, earning a head tilt from him in return. Patting his jacket pocket, your own head tilted to the side.

               "V- I mean, Jihyun, what's this in your pocket? It's... slightly vibrating," you asked, watching as he stuck his hand in there to find out himself. He didn't remember his phone being in that pocket...

               The both of you shared a gasp as you looked at the small compass laying in his palm, the needle spinning in frantic circles the closer your own hand got to the device. The moment your fingers grazed the metal cylinder, it dissipated into thin air, both you and Jihyun watching it leave his hand. He looked up at you with his eyes wide, his mouth slightly hanging open in disbelief. You looked into his eyes before smiling, reaching into your pocket to pull out your own, holding it out to him with your eyes full of love. You were completely ready to combine the two halves of your souls, right then and there and he was so overwhelmed with emotions that tears started to stream down his face, only to break when they hit his smile. He slowly extended his hand to lay it over the compass, feeling it dissipate and he gently held onto your hand, leaning forward to place a kiss between your eyes.

               "I wouldn't have expected this, MC. I always believed in natural love, finding my true soulmate always came second," he started, looking at your hands, beginning to interlace his fingers with your own, "But now that I've gotten a taste of what it's like to find the one just for me, I understand why people look for their other half. You are my heaven. You are my clarity in this world," he looked into your eyes hoping to convey just how much he already loved you with the emotions in his own before he brought his face closer, looking between your eyes and you lips, only fully leaning in to place a loving kiss to your lips once he saw you lean into him.

               "You, MC, are the only thing I'm going to see for the rest of my life, and I've never been happier to have finally followed the right direction."

Masterlist

[zigsexual]

Empiricals (maxwell x mc)

hey hi hello!!!! it’s me your friendly neighborhood thirsty gurl back with maxwell fic because like, do i need an explanation 

summary: this is a continuation of my last fic, hypotheticals (u can read it if u want that would be so nice!!! i think it’ll still make sense otherwise tho), which has wobbly roots in the real timeline BUT basically this is the day after beaumont bash feat. brunch, croquet, holding hands, whiskey, olivia??????, kisses

word count: 3300+

(also my MC’s last name is Aldridge so that’s what i used here)

Riley can’t stop thinking about it. 

For the entirety of the party, she had stood there thinking about it: about the way his hands felt on her skin, the way he laughed as he helped her with her dress, the blush of his cheeks as he smiled at her with his hair all tousled from her fingers.

The rest of it had been a daze; a half-dream coated in glazed over memories of stolen kisses, making it near impossible to keep up appearances as she stammered through conversations with Liam and Drake and the other girls.

She’s got no idea how she’ll be able to handle it all over again today.

There’s a knock at her door, but she’s barely just sat up in bed and doesn’t feel like answering. The comforter is still pulled up around her like a cocoon, her hair knotted in what used to be a bun. She blinks. “Yeah?”

The door slides open, and Maxwell pokes his head in. “Riley?”

“Yeah?” she says again, biting into her bottom lip. He steps into the room, closing the door behind him, and she notices that he doesn’t look entirely done up himself, which is a first. His hair is still a little disheveled and he looks soft, fresh from sleep in the same way she is.

He pads over to her bed and sits down close at her side, turning to face her. It’s so reminiscent of the last time they were on a bed together that she feels her face redden, not that it seems to give him any pause.

“So,” he says, “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

Riley blinks at him again.

“You’re supposed to, you know,” Maxwell rubs at the back of his neck, “tell me which one you want to hear first?”

“Great.” Riley leans back into her pillow, closing her eyes with a grimace. “Okay, bad news. Hit me.”

Maxwell sighs. “Well, the bad news is that Liam wanted to have a little get together before the rest of the festivities kick off today, so he arranged to have an enormously elaborate brunch this morning as a surprise to the suitors and it’s here in my dining room and also Liam is here in my dining room, too.”

Riley sits up immediately, eyes wide. “What? He’s here, right now?”

Maxwell nods, and she presses her palms to her face, dragging them down her cheeks in frustration. “Fuck. Okay. What’s the good news?”

“Good news is that Drake managed to intercept him before he could really go to town, and now Drake and I are coming to the brunch too! It’s a friends-and-suitors brunch.”

Riley stares at him. “Excuse me, how is that good news? That’s even worse news. That’s literally worse than the original bad news.”

“It’s not that bad.”

Riley groans and pulls her comforter over her head, trying to block out the reality of her life. Brunch — elaborate, royal brunch — with all three of the men currently in love with her. And all of the courtly ladies who want her gone. Awesome. Great. A fine example of the shitshow this trip to Cordonia has turned out to be.

There’s a rustle in the bed, a flurry of sheets, and then Maxwell’s head pops up and he is there too, under the comforter with her, inches away in the filtered light. She sits back on her hands and looks at him.

“I’ll be there,” he says quietly.

“That’s the worst part,” she replies. Because three guys in love with her? She can handle that. Certainly not ideal, but manageable.

The problem is the one that she is in love with. The one under the comforter.

Riley leans forward and kisses him, needy and soft, and he lets his hand come up to touch her cheek, and at the feel of his skin she presses forward just a little too hard and tumbles against him in a mess of crisp white bedding.

Maxwell gazes up from underneath her with a sheepish smile, and she lets out a ragged breath before propping herself up on her elbows. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he says. “Just… you need to get dressed. For brunch.”

Riley smiles back. “You wanna help me?”

“God, no,” Maxwell rolls his eyes and sits up, pushing the tangle of sheets and blankets off of them as his feet touch back to the floor. “Sounds like the worst.”

“The worst,” Riley is still smiling, even as she watches him head back towards her door. “See you at brunch.”

“See you at brunch!” he calls back, and when he shuts the door, Riley collapses back onto the bed and kicks her feet into the air.

 —

“Do you want some cantaloupe?” Liam asks, holding out a bowl of fruit in her direction. “We had it imported so it would be ripe. Do you like cantaloupe? I didn’t know if it was a big thing in America, but—“

“Liam,” Olivia sighs loudly from her place across the table, “everyone has cantaloupe.”

“It’s okay,” Riley says, taking the bowl from him before Olivia has more of a chance to go off. “I love cantaloupe.”

Liam smiles at her, dazzling and smitten and terribly cute, and she feels her resolve waver. The brunch has been a so-far-so-good scenario, but any more of Liam’s doting and she might just crumble into dust.

Anyone would be so lucky to have him. Anyone but her.

Next to Liam, Drake is silent and sullen (or, more so than usual). He keeps avoiding eye contact with Riley, which is probably for the best, given that they still haven’t spoken about that time when he showed up and promptly confessed his affection for her before vanishing back out into the night.

Thankfully, Maxwell seems to be pretty much his usual self, carrying on the conversation with Liam even as Riley stuffs her mouth full of eggs (and cantaloupe) in an attempt to speak as little as possible. Sometimes his arm brushes against hers as he brandishes his fork for anecdotal punctuation, and she feels her heart warm.

The other girls have been chattering amongst themselves, occasionally filtering in on the conversation in an attempt to draw Liam’s attention. Olivia and Madeline are the only two making any real progress, and are perhaps the only two really trying, as the rest seem to have resigned themselves to their fate. Riley wishes Hana were sitting closer to her, so at least she could have someone to ground her, to be a constant.

As it stands, Liam had asked if she would sit near him at the head of the table, and of course she’d said yes, and of course Drake and Maxwell had followed suit, and now of course here she is, wanting to die again.

She takes a sip of her mimosa. It’s not really mimosa, more champagne with an afterthought of orange, but it’s exactly what she needs right now.

“I didn’t realize you’d pulled out all the stops for the party,” Liam comments, looking over at Maxwell. “I mean, the chocolate fountain, the horses, the ice sculptures… there really wasn’t a need to do that for me.” He pauses, glancing over at Riley with a smile. “Well, I shouldn’t take all the credit. Riley wasn’t at a loss either.”

“Hmm?” Riley chews through a mouthful of toast, eager to change the subject away from herself.

“Your new dress,” Liam says. “It was so you, and so you to debut it in the middle of an event, too. I think everyone else was jealous they hadn’t thought of it.”

Riley swallows. “Right. My new dress.”

Her mind flashes back to the day before, arguing with Maxwell while she stood in his room in only her underwear, hands thrown up in exasperation because why didn’t they have any dresses in this whole goddamn estate didn’t women ever visit like look a bachelor pad is one thing but a mansion?

Maxwell had crossed his arms and complained in a huff that it wasn’t just like girls were waltzing into his bedroom every other day and ripping their dresses so why should this even be his fault when clearly she was the one with the faulty clothing.

In the end, she wore one of his shirts as a dress and knotted a belt at the waist. It practically screamed ‘we just fucked in a back room’ (which was, unfortunately, not the case), but for some reason it passed off as chic. The timeless LBD and all that, praise the lord.

Maxwell coughs.

“Aldridge, ever the fashionista,” Drake rolls his eyes. “Thank god she’s got Maxwell to help her.”

“Don’t be rude,” Maxwell says sweetly, “You’re wearing double denim right now.”

Olivia has been watching Riley during this exchange, a bemused expression on her face. She glances between Drake and Maxwell, then says, “Right, the t-shirt dress.”

She takes a bite of omelet and chews for what seems like an eternity before speaking again. “Cute.”

When she smiles, it lacks all the comfort of warmth.

Riley focuses back in on her food, hoping that whatever god is out there, he will be a merciful one and let her go peacefully in her sleep tonight. They won’t even have to spare an expense for her funeral; they can just use the same flowers from the party. An ideal situation, really.

It’s only a moment later when she feels Maxwell’s hand brush against her knee. At first she thinks maybe it’s an accident, glancing over at him to find he’s still laughing with Liam. But then when she reaches down her own hand, his fingers find hers and intertwine together too quickly for it to be coincidence.

She feels a gentle warmth rise within her and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, barely suppressing a smile. Next to her, Maxwell is talking as though he doesn’t have a care in the world, as if this brunch is merely a formality and not a terribly intimate moment hidden beneath stained wood and tablecloth. She watches him, wishing.

Maxwell looks over at her, catching her in the act of her admiration. There’s a blush spreading up her face now, and she squeezes his hand, her smile finally breaking free. He squeezes back, smiling at her too, and for a moment she feels alight with anticipation. Something flutters in her chest, too delicate to name.

“What?” Olivia says, breaking the spell. She’s looking at them with one eyebrow raised. “You two talking shit over there?”

Maxwell snaps his attention over to Olivia. “Riley had egg on her face.”

“Thanks,” Riley mutters, just as Olivia replies, “When does she not?”

So things continue as they do: Liam is kind, Olivia is loud, Drake is sarcastic and Madeleine is cunning. Hana knows all the finer points of dining etiquette, Penelope is fussed over her poodles, and god knows what language Kiara is speaking. It’s not a surprise, really — after all her events with this group, Riley knows the drill.

And yet, the break from normalcy, the one piece out of place in this delicately crafted puzzle: her hand, holding his.

—

The cleanup is easy and swift; when you’ve got an armada of household staff, things tend to go quickly. Riley almost wishes she could have a moment to stand in the kitchen, hands wet with soapy water, and clean off a dish. Just a moment to do something routine, to clear her head.

Yeah, she misses dishwashing. It’s been quite the day.

They’re outside on the lawn now, playing croquet. The sort of thing noble people do, apparently, when there aren’t enough horses around to play polo. Liam’s met his match with Olivia, who won’t even let a prince win, and the other girls are doing their best to keep up.

Riley is sitting this round out, hiding in the shade of the balcony. She can already feel the sunburn on her shoulders, and besides, it’s getting too hard to play along with coronation chatter again.

“What’re you thinking about?” Maxwell says, sidling up next to her. She jumps, surprised, and he laughs, leaning forward against the railing with her.

“I thought you were inside with Drake,” she says, folding her arms up next to his and looking out over the lawn. Hana is laughing at something Kiara has said, and Madeleine has a hand on Liam’s shoulder.

“I was,” Maxwell replies, “But he’s been… extra Drake-ish, lately. Probably something to do with his mad crush on one of the suitors.”

Riley groans and closes her eyes. “Don’t remind me. I’m trying not to think about my love life right now.”

“You might be the only one,” Maxwell looks out at the lawn too, his brow furrowed. “Seems like it’s all there is to think about these days.”

Riley straightens up. “Can we just… go do something? Something normal? Is there anything inside to clean or arrange or like, take down? I just…” She sighs. “I don’t know, all this stuff is messing with my head.”

Maxwell glances back at the doorway. “I mean, Liam brought his people, so there’s really not much to do in there. But I’m sure we could find something boring.”

“Boring sounds great,” Riley answers. “Let’s go be boring.”

Unfortunately, it only takes one thorough sweep of the Beaumont estate to recognize its veritable lack of household chores whatsoever. Riley realizes Maxwell wasn’t kidding about Liam’s “people,” who have gone as quickly as they came and left not a speck of dust in their wake. The place looks too perfect, just like the prince is too perfect and the palace is too perfect. Perhaps she has made a grievous error in thinking that seeking out boredom would be the answer to all this.

“What do you think I should do about Drake?” she asks Maxwell on their third meandering round through the house. “Should I talk to him, or will that make it weird?”

“The real question is, what should any of us do about Drake?”

“I’m serious.” Riley stops in front of him, grabbing his arm. “What do I tell him? And, frankly, what do I tell Liam for that matter?”

Maxwell tilts his head slightly, surveying her. “What do you want to tell them?”

Riley lets out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t answer a question with a question. It doesn’t help.”

“Well, maybe I’m serious,” he says. “What do you want to tell them, Riley?”

She doesn’t even think before she kisses him, pulling him to her and pressing up on her toes just a bit, messy and chaotic and too fast, just like everything they do. His hands find her hair and she tightens her grip on his arm, willing him to be closer, wanting him to be nearer.

When he pulls away she lets out a tiny sigh.

“Riley,” he says, “we’re in the hallway.”

“I know,” she says. “But what if we weren’t?”

“Well,” Maxwell answers, “We don’t have to be.”

It takes them less than a minute to find a door, and Maxwell says, “It’s the study, no one ever goes in here,” and Riley is already pushing him back against it as the lock clicks and her lips find their way back to his. They’re frantic all over again, like every minute could be the last one, like they’re running on borrowed time.

Or maybe it’s just the adrenaline of it all: the way his hands trace her collarbone while she shrugs off her dress, the tremble of her fingertips as she undoes the buttons on his shirt, the whisper of kisses against exposed skin. The fluttery feeling has returned, threatening to overtake her this time.

She pulls back. “Max.”

“Mhmm?”

“Do you think…” She hesitates. “Do you think Liam would understand, if I… if I told him how I feel and, maybe if we—”

“Riley,” Maxwell sighs, pushing back his hair with a hand, “You shouldn’t talk like that.”

“Why not?” She reaches for his hand, threading their fingers together. “I think we’re already there.”

He kisses her forehead, and she closes her eyes for a moment, breathing him in.

“Look,” he says, “It’s not that I don’t… that I don’t think those things, about… about you. I do, all the time, and after yesterday, I’m just not sure how to explain…”

She kisses him, her free hand cradling his cheek, murmuring against his mouth, “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it right now.”

It’s Maxwell who pulls back this time.

“No, you were right, we should talk about it,” He purses his lips, looking down at the ground, then back to her face. “It’s just that—”

Suddenly, he freezes. “Oh shit.”

Maxwell is staring over her shoulder, eyes too wide. And she knows, already, she knows, but she yanks up her dress and turns anyway, just to confirm.

Drake is standing there, behind the desk, an empty glass in one hand and his expression twisted in shock.

For a moment, no one says anything.

Finally, Drake manages a weak “you could’ve knocked.”

“I thought you said no one ever goes in the study,” Riley hisses, crossing her arms tight over her chest.

“Um.” Maxwell blinks. “I forgot that Drake sometimes goes in the study.”

Drake waves, expression still dumbfounded. “Hey. Drake. In the god damn study, right now.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Riley stares at him. “You’ve been in here the whole time and you couldn’t — I don’t know — cough for courtesy?”

“Well, when I heard the door open I figured it was just some random court hookup,” Drake says, “Not… you. So forgive me for being a little speechless.”

“At least you don’t have to tell him anything now,” Maxwell whispers to Riley. She glares.

“Jesus,” Drake folds his hands behind his head, pacing along the line of bookshelves. “Okay. Okay.”

“Drake,” Riley starts to say, “wait—“

“Nope.” He holds out a hand. “Put your clothes on, I’m not having this conversation with both of you looking like the first half of a low budget porno.”

“Low budget?” Maxwell scoffs.

Riley pulls her arms back through her sleeves, then steps forward tenuously.

“Listen,” she begins, “Drake, we can explain—“

“You’re a ‘we’ now?” He shakes his head. “Aldridge, seriously? This is like, more than a one time thing?”

“Technically,” Maxwell says, “It’s been a no-time-thing, what with the inhabitants of this house and their constant disregard for privacy.”

“How many times do I need to reiterate that I was in the fucking study first?” Drake lets out a frustrated sound, then pauses, narrowing his eyes at Maxwell. “Is this why you made that double denim comment at brunch?”

Maxwell looks at him incredulously. “What? No. I made that double denim comment because you were literally wearing double denim at a royal function.”

Drake frowns. “It’s coming back in style.”

“Good god—okay,” Riley shakes her head. “First of all, no, double denim is never coming back in style, and second,” she holds up her hand, “Let me just say that this is not ever how I wanted to start this conversation with you, Drake, but we’re going to talk now. I promise. I’ll explain everything.”

“No shit,” Drake sighs. “Well, the coronation is tomorrow, so you better get started.” He slumps down into the desk chair and looks at his empty glass. “Something tells me this is going to call for a lot more whiskey.”

[youseriousjayse]

Oh shit. I wanna fuck my boss. This is...not good.

I stg I barely caught myself from just walking over and kissing them while they were saying something ridiculous after the shop was closed. Oh fuck oh fuck. THis is bad. They’re married and have kids and they seem like a good person but sometimes…I definitely think they’ve flirted w me before. And I seem to be a favourite for no apparent reason. They talk about their spouse and their personal life all the time to me (esp their spouse), but I’ve only ever heard them mention their spouse like twice to other workers. And they compare me to their spouse all the time. Always saying I sound just like them or I do this or that just like them. ANd I would definitely go for it if it was an option which prob makes me a horrible person, but that’s okay I already knew that. 

Idk how they manage to be both “ur really hot” and “ur the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” It’s maddening. And they’re so fucking funny and that’s my weakness and they’re always trying to make me laugh. idek how old they are. in their twenties im 96% certain. Im horrid at guessing age. there’s def at the v least 5 yrs b/t us. but idrk. I don’t even hypothetically want anything serious. I literally just wanna be able to fuck them and feel mushy about them on the side and end it when I leave next july. Obv this isn’t ever going to happen but thinking about it hypotheticlly helps me short my shit out. idk. idk. i really like thm and they seem to like me. And the thing is it’s not even just about wanting to fuck them. I care about their kids and that means a lot bc i fucking hate kids and one of theirs is an attention whore and i rlly hate that type of kid. but i like them bc they are my boss’s kids and my boss loves them. And I love hearing more about them (even tho it’s always p sad shit about them acting up in school and always being upset bc my boss is never home)

Just…..wow. if anyone needed more proof im fucked up. have at it.

Seriously tho on the seeming interested in me and showing favouritism front, they are…so protective of me. Like they are Never like this with the other employees, and it’s definitely not like I can’t defend myself. The most marked example would be the guy who runs the bodega across the street.

He came in one day, screaming about how my manager had accused his son of stealing. So they were like, I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I’m sorry if there was some sort of miscommunication. And he just kept screaming at them and calling them a little bitch and a f*ggot repeatedly, and threatening to bash their fucking head in. And they were just taking it all very calmly and professionally and saying ‘I don’t recall this happening, I’m sorry if you heard differently’ even though he was physically pushing them and still threatening them and calling them all sorts of things. Then he finally left, but not twenty minutes later he came back, just as angry, shouting the same stuff and hurling around slurs and threats and pushing my manager around. Again, they kept very calm and responded reasonably and evenly the same stuff they had before.

Again he eventually left. But then he decided he had apparently still not had enough so he came back a third time. Just as angry as before, just as hostile and antagonising. The assistant manager on duty had come up front the last time to see what was happening, but had not intervened. However this time she tried to help, also calmly saying the same things as the manager. She had been working the day before and seen the guy’s kid come in and nothing like that had happened, so he started calling her a lying fucking bitch and saying he was gonna kill both of them, and kept more and more violently shoving my manager, which they continued to just calmly take.

Eventually the guy was just was repeatedly calling them a f*ggot again and again and again. And I, also calmly, asked if he could just please stop saying that word and he fucking rounded on me and started really laying in calling me a little bitch and all sorts of things, which I didn’t react to at all, because I have an excellent poker face. But I have Never seen my manager angry at all. Not even a little bit. But they were fucking furious, and they shoved him roughly back to the door (mind you he’s a big fuckin guy) And got right up in his face and fucking snarled Get The FUCK Out Of My Store (I did Not know actual snarling words was a thing, I thought it was just smth writers said to make the angry words more emphatic, but it is a Thing™) and shoved him straight through the door. And then they just took a deep breath and turned back around calmly as ever and was like ‘sorry about that’ to the other customers and started rearranging the counter like usual.

And that whole situation has come up twice since then when we were talking (it was months ago), and both times they were like yeah it was whatever, but when he started yelling at You I fucking snapped. And I’m like. Yeahhh how do I take this. Because I am not defenseless and I don’t look like it and I’m not tiny or fragile looking, we have several other employees more likely to feel the impulse to protect but,,,they never do? It never even seems to occur to them?

Just the other day I had a lady come in who was clearly spoiling for a fight. Rude and aggressive as fuck, but I treated her calmly and professionally bc that’s what I do, but she just kept saying dumb shit, so I kept responding, not in any offensive or upset way, just repeating the facts in a calm manner. She really started yelling and was like 'I don’t like ur fuckin attitude you keep talking back you’re getting all smart with me.’ And I (again. Very calmly.) Explained that I was simply answering the questions she asked. And she was like Where’s your fuckin manager bc you’re being rude as fuck you just keep talking back.

So my manager was at the register next to(?) mine(the counter is like an L shape and has registersat either side of the corner). And they turned around and said 'I don’t hear anything unprofessional or rude’ but she kept yelling over them and talking about how rude I was, so they kept saying I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so they were like 'Okay you can go now. Please leave the store’ and gave her the corporate number when she asked for it angrily, saying she was gonna complain about us (like so??? Fine. Here’s my name and the store # idgaf).

After she left and we took care of the couple of customers left they turned to me and were like 'wow she was really spoiling for a fight.’ And I was 'yeah I mean I saw it when she came in and was super aggressive right off the bat. She was so angry for no reason. Like…chill lol’ and they gave me a sort of look and were like 'I don’t know how you deal with that (((which, mind you, every employee, and Definitely them, deals w shit like that without going off))) I feel like it bothers me a lot more when they get like that to you, than it actually bothers you’. I just shrugged, but again……they dont,,,,do that for other employees. They always stick their neck out for me or get angry (I mean as close as they get to angry, excepting the thing w the bodega owner) on my behalf. It’s…what am I supposed to make of that?

Literally if they’re around and a customer tells me to lighten up or smile or smth (bc my face is just really unexpressive unless I put a lot of effort in) they’ll just smoothly come over and be like 'I’ve got the smile for ya’ or if someone is being aggressive or harrasing about it, they won’t even pretend to be cheerful and nice, they’ll just be like 'My employees don’t get paid to smile.’ Which,,,I’m not the only one who never smiles. Actually it’s just my manager and one of the assistant managers that always smile. The rest of us are p brusque and more obviously dead inside and dislike interacting with people. But again, they’ve never done that or said anything for another employee (that I know of, obv I’m not always around, but I’m around enough to feel like I practically live there).

And just. Bloody hell, they will talk about aggressive customers and tell me the customer got in their face and will be like 'seriously, like this’ and move their face so we’re barely not touching. Like. ???!?!?!????? And they get real close to me and brush by me a lot. Mind you, they do not do this to other employees (esp the face thing), but they’ll like lean over my shoulder to look at my paperwork or make fun of me (not like in a mean way just something stupid) or they’ll come over to put their numbers in (bc we need higher clearance on the computers for like,,,almost everything it’s so stupid) and they’ll like get right up next to me or squeeze in front of me. Which again, they do not do to others, and no other employee does that to me or anyone else.

If this was a book ppl would be pissed about the slow burn like Okay Why Aren’t Things Happening Already??! But unfortunately real life and an actual human being is more complicated than that. And I don’t know what to do with it.

~update: they just turned thirty. Fuck. I’m just barely twenty.

Edit: New jeans. very nice new jeans. dammit please stop rearranging the shelves in front of me while i’m trying to work, your ass is distracting. And a new tight tight jacket too and they wear it with the sleeves pushed up right below the elbow and that’s just. Always hot. The fucking jeans together with that stupid cursed jacket makes it incredibly difficult to look away. They’re just hhhhhhhhh I can’t. This is. So much.

YEAH I could prolly go on about them forever, but I know this is super obnoxiously long. I don’t know who I’m apologising to tho bc literally nobody reads this. Which is prolly why I overshare but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯