#It's funny that most of the outtakes of this universe

[banannabethchase]

T or T, high school AU edition: one of Adam's chickens imprints on Nick.

You got...TREAT!

~

Chick Magnet

I WILL MAINLINE STWA HSAU PROMPTS LIKE A MONSTER SMOOCHING UR FACE

~

"Ouch!"

Adam turns around, blowing his hair out of his eyes. "What? Hay in your pants?" He frowns sympathetically. "Been there."

"I - okay, yes, but also..." He trails off and looks down at the culprit. The chicken, who he thinks is the one Adam named Milton based on the black dot on his forehead, pecks at his ankle again. "Um. Ow, Milton!"

"That's Homer!" Adam says, offended. His shirt still on the floor, he leans down and scoops the chick into his hands. "Don't listen to Nicky, Homie, we can tell the difference between you and your siblings." He kisses the chick on the head.

"I hate how cute that is," Nick grumbles, but he reaches out and Homer climbs into his hands, curls up, and falls asleep.

When Nick looks up, Adam is beaming at him. "Homer loves you," he sighs. "Come on, let's go put him back in the chicken coop. The others will miss him."

Nick's never walked so carefully as they step over to the cozy little chicken coop he and Adam had spent some of the hotter parts of July building.

"Chickies!" Adam admonishes. "Jesus, Nick, your children are all over the place."

"My children?" Nick asks, cradling Homer to his chest. "Now they're my children?"

Adam giggles. "We built this home together, and now our children are running amok. See?" He leans down and scoops a chick up. "Emily's sitting in Virgil's seat. Keep them in line."

Nick kneels down, trying to set down Homer, but he pecks at his fingers until Nick picks him up again. "This one keeps eating me."

"He's imprinted on you," Adam says, sighing. "You're his father now. Give him kisses."

"I'm not giving the chick a kiss," Nick says. But he brings the fluffy ball to his face and kisses the top of Homer's yellow head.

"That certainly looked like a kiss," Adam says, and when Nick looks over he's covered in birds. "Ah! Maya, get out of my hair!"

Cradling Homer against his chest, he scoops Maya out of Adam's hair. "You have another one in there, too," Nick says. "This one's talkative."

"I think that's Sappho," Adam says, turning his head. "Yup. Hi, there."

The two of them manage to wrangle the chicks back into the coop, and collapse on piles of hay on top of each other.

"What a weird afterglow," Adam comments, spitting hay out of his mouth. "I don't think I've ever had sex and then chased chickens before."

"Unless you forgot to tell me something, you haven't," Nick says. He kisses Adam's cheek. "Come on. I'm hungry. Let's get a snack."

Adam jumps to his feet. "Every time, Nicky. Every time."

[alexhornefan]

Nice Things People Say About Alex Horne

Updated: 21/09/2023

 Alex is the nicest guy ever. -Lucy Beaumont, Series 16 Contestant Interviews

It’s all from Greg and Alex, it’s the synergy between them. It sounds corny, but they are really lovely guys. -Lucy Beaumont, Series 16 Contestant Interviews

It’s a strange role he has because he’s the clever one, but he’s also the inferior one compared to Greg. -Julian Clary, Series 16 Contestant Interviews

He's ever so nice. -Julian Clary, Taskmaster, Series 16, Episode 1 (11.00)

I love Greg and Alex so much. -Sue Perkins, Series 16 Contestant Interviews

He is generous, down-to-earth, and always willing to go out of his way to make others feel like they are important and valued. -Dr Ali Struthers, creator of School Tasking and co-founder of Taskmaster Education who nominated Alex for his Honorary Doctorate from Warwick University

Alex, it’s genuinely difficult for me to think of anyone who more closely embodies what I want to see on television. I think you’re perfect. -Victoria Coren Mitchell on Taskmaster series 12 outtakes

Alex is very, very sweet. -David Baddiel, Taskmaster Series 9 Outtakes, part 1

I've never met Alex before the show, but I'd watched the show as research. And I thought he'd be this weirdo, he would be really aloof and stuff. And then he was just like, the nicest person! But I was so shocked that he was like a totally different person. He's one of the best people I've ever worked with. -Fern Brady on her Taskmaster Reddit AMA

(Thanks to @hleonaa for sharing these above two quotes)

He's one of the most trustworthy, lovely guys I've ever met. -Lou Sanders, Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 60.

I was aware of Alex because I really like the Horne Section. And he's a really, really, really funny boy. -Hugh Dennis, Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 41.

I've got to be honest, Alex is a lovely man, an absolute comedy genius. I think within the next decade we'll see him approaching national treasure territory. -Ed Gamble, Off Menu Podcast, Episode 175

And Alex Horne is just great. God, I wish I could work with him again. He’s so, so lovely. -Fern Brady

Alex Horne is so pure and I don't want him to read things that are dirty- Fern Brady, RHLSTP

Ed Gamble and Kerry Godliman talk about how nice Alex is.

And of course anyone who knows Alex Horne knows that he is one of the nicest, loveliest souls in comedy, so it is hard to say no to Alex Horne- Doc Brown/Ben Bailey Smith, Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 21

When I first got asked to do Taskmaster, I agreed because I loved Alex and I still do. I was just so excited to do his show. -Romesh Ranganathan, Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 18

The reason I said yes without knowing much about it was because it had come from his twisted little mind, and I knew it would be clever. -Greg Davies

I absolutely love the guy, as you know. One of the few geniuses in television, in my opinion. -Richard Osman, Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 23

Alex immediately establishes a really warm relationship without any exception, every single person who's been on that show which is kind of the life-blood of doing the tasks. It's beautiful. -Tim Key Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 14

I think we're unlikely friends. I don't think, if it wasn't for Taskmaster, I don't think we'd have found each other necessarily, but I'm ever so glad that we did. -Greg Davies (Taskmaster, People's Podcast with Greg Davies)

He really is [so nice]. He doesn't have a side to him. He really is just nice. -Greg Davies (Taskmaster, People's Podcast with Greg Davies)

He's one of the nicest people in the world. He's just so nice. -Lou Sanders. (Taskmaster, People's Podcast with Greg Davies)

I feel nothing but affection for Alex. -Greg Davies

He's got a very interesting, gentle persona. It's nice to spend time with him. -Adrian Chiles

He's a magnificent human being. I don't know whether I'm supposed to say that. And he's so charming and so funny -Claudia Winkleman

He was really good, and he was also one of the nicest people I've met in these showbiz things, because he came in and chatted to you in between tasks. We had some really good chats, actually, and got along. He's such a cool guy. -Jonnie Peacock

Also, I really like Alex. I hosted Montreal Just for Laughs [in 2010] and he was on the bill so for a week we did a show and I got to know him then, I thought he was great. So that's the main reason I did it. -Noel Fielding

Alex is a very thoughtful, self-effacing, humble man. -Greg Davies

And I love Greg and Alex, I love their rapport. So to me, I've got a front row seat for one of the best double acts on television. -Kerry Godliman

There was one moment where a paramedic was called, and Alex was useful in that moment. He seemed genuinely worried that I might have broken a bone. -Jessica Knappett

I admire him greatly and I think that's what I put it down to: an underlying admiration. -Greg Davies

He's the sweetest boy in all the world and he has the sweetest little face. -Rose Matafeo

I adore Alex. I feel like it's having a calm therapist there. I often used to start a task by hugging him, but he didn't want to do that. I thought it was nice but he didn't like it. -Katy Wix

Greg does really tease Alex but he has a really fondness for him. -Jo Brand (link below)

He's such a tremendously likeable person. I hope my relationship with him is just a friendly one, really. He's so genuinely helpful. -Jo Brand

I'm a fan of Greg Davies and Alex Horne, both of whom I've known for a long time. -David Baddiel (See below)

But with Taskmaster, I'm always confident the tasks will be funny - properly funny, not local-news funny. Mainly because of the genius of Alex Horne. I have a lot of faith in Alex. -David Baddiel

Alex is genius at coming up with ways for people to prove their ineptitude. -Richard Herring

I think Greg and Alex are such a team. -Katherine Parkinson

Obviously, Alex is very talented at devising games and frameworks for people to be funny and ridiculous in. -Mike Wozniak

I love him! I love little Alex Horne. He's just so sweet! He's a smiley face on a rainy day. A bunch of flowers in this hellhole. I loved him, and his sweet little face. We're pack animals, and you get a bit lonely doing the tasks on your own. He's always there for you. -Morgana Robinson

Well Alex is a much more kindred spirit for me. On the Only Connect team, Alex would be captain. In my house, Alex would be the most capable person. It would be, "Let's get Alex in to fix things". So it was odd to see him as the junior. Greg is to Alex what Alex is to me. -Victoria Coren Mitchell

The thing is with Alex, he goes into everything in a full-throttled manner. -Greg Davies (see below)

We've such an unlikely friendship, Alex and I, but it's crept along nicely. I'm more than happy for it to be made public that Alex and I have been camping together. I never thought him and I would spend a night under the stars, but we did. It was pre-lockdown, and it was even voluntary. The fact that I did is progress for our friendship. Beneath the insults, you can sense a new warmth. He's a clever bugger, isn't he? -Greg Davies

Alex Horne is just a delightful person. -Greg Davies (Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 11)

**Greg Listing 5 things he likes about Alex Horne from The Horne Section Podcast**

[adultswim2021]

Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! #27: “Jazz” | September 8, 2008 - 12:30AM | S03E07

Hey, this is a good one. Alright? Perhaps less-than-classic. This one has a runner where Tim & Eric are Jazz musicians who smugly tell meandering stories that make them sound like a coupla stupid dopes. I like these segments mostly! Ending the show with the smug delivery of “online? What like WAITING online at the BANK??” is just great. To me. I keep forgetting to say “to me” after all my opinions, sorry! There are a handful more segments in the deleted scenes of these two funny funny jazz men. 

The cold open is James Quall doing Ronald Regan, probably originally shot as part of the season two sketch. This seems slightly like they are scraping the bottom of the barrel, but it turns out they’re setting up a strong sketch in the middle of the episode. More on that… LATER!! Anyway, this sketch references David Stockman, which is an ancient reference. He worked for Regan and may or may not have tried to list ketchup as a vegetable in some school lunch legislation. It is hilarious that this is where his mind goes. Tim & Eric sorta acknowledge the weirdness of the reference by putting up a bogus, likely unrelated portrait of the supposed David Stockman as if it explains anything.

Maria Bamford! For some reason I fail to think of her as a member of the Tim & Eric family even though she is maybe one of the best guests ever. That is not a dig on Maria, Maria is such a singular entity that it’s hard to think of her being part of anything else. Even me periodically thinking about how she’s the funniest person in the world, possibly, is to vastly underrate her. She fits in with the Tim & Eric universe really well, I THINK, TO ME. Here she’s a host of a show about cleaning up after your cat. The little belly crawl towards the litter box in the opening makes me laugh, and I realized that this imagery used to pop into my head everytime I had to scoop my cat’s litter. Lucy. Her name was Lucy. She has passed.

There’s a fairly good Doug animation in this one, too featuring funny guys and their funny hats. This leads into a Beaver Boys sketch that is exceptionally brainless. The Beaver Boys are up to their old tricks!! They are on a sex-having date with freaking TWINS, but they blow it by not being able to control themselves and gorging themselves on shrimp and white wine being served at the table next to theirs. It’s very stupid, but I see the Beaver Boys as some kind of meta commentary on the nature of very specifically-premised one-note recurring characters in various forms of media, especially on sketch comedy shows. Their return is the joke. I also just like this sketch, despite there not being much to it. There is something funny about the stereotypical way the girls get up and leave, angry, as though what they are doing is typical guy behavior and not the product of a serious brain disease, which is what these boys must have.

Probably the best sketch is a fake trailer for a James Quall biopic where Quall is portrayed by Saturday Night Live’s Bill Hader. His impression is immaculate, and he’s very funny as Quall. There are some charming outtakes from this one, including one where David Liebe Hart (who shines as himself) ruins a take with indigestion, and one where we see the real James Quall watching Hader work his magic and laughing like crazy.

Everything outside of the Quall trailer feels a little dashed off, but I found most of it funny and the episode worked for me as a whole. I think a lot of what made this episode great is the editing, which I think this show should have won an Emmy for. 

I forgot to mention the guy who wants to make sure his condo has enough room for his boys. Dang it. I love that guy.

EPHEMERA CORNER

Space Ghost Coast to Coast: From the Kentucky Nightmare DVD (aka Volume 5) (September 11, 2008)

The final DVD release of Space Ghost Coast to Coast… EVER! This was a two-disc set that included the final Cartoon Network season and the first Adult Swim season. This was the first time I ever saw the uncut Fire Ant. The extras included the colonial man ending of Snatch, which before I’d only seen in a very low-quality internet vid, Table Read Extra, the Conan and Busta Rhymes Raw Interviews, and two nice videos of George Lowe and, C. Martin Croker’s audio recording session for “Kentucky Nightmare”. George’s in particular is fun to watch, because he loves to josh between takes. There’s also easter eggs, but I forget what they are. 

This is a GREAT release and like Volume 4, it was only available through the Adult Swim online store, and is considered very rare. At one point, it sold out and they repressed it and put it on the store for $15 and you could get a copy of Volume 4 for $5. Imagine! Paying a combined $20 for volumes 4 & 5 of Space Ghost Coast to Coast! I came perilously close to selling both my volume 4 and 5 DVDs when I was jobless, but was able to pull them off eBay when I made some money sucking dick.

[mikaharuka]

☀️ (a comment that made your day?)

Heyo Alhaira!

There are four comments I wanted to shout out! The final comment is under the cut because it's long... but it's definitely the winner. Whew.

(@magma-saarebas19, @alpaca-clouds, @danceswithdarkspawn, @mrsmungus - I think y'all might be interested. It's a wild ride O.O)

Two simple and sweet ones (from Obsidian 10 and Midnight 14):

Your story is so good!!! This is literally my favorite twilight fanfiction ever!

I really like this fanfiction! I never thought I would like Mike as a character but here we go. Tbh I was looking for a little bit Carlisle action... but what I got was a whole new Twilight universe :)

One that made me think - this was left on Viridian 2 in mid-August last year, only 2 weeks after I started. It's stupidly obvious now... but I didn't know about my sensory style and this comment made it click:

Wow. I’m really in awe of your skills with scene setting and describing characters. You do it in such a way that provides a lot of lovely details but isn’t at all like your describing them consciously. It just reads really naturally while still painting a detailed picture in the readers mind.

-

And this last one... whew.

It completely freaked me out in the most flattering way possible!

...and yes, this one is on Azure. It's also the most recent chapter they've read. They haven't read Sapphire, Sangria, or Midnight yet!

So. This reader. This terrifyingly brilliant reader.

I'd call them a seer, but this goes way beyond that. Let me explain:

One - They had Mike pinned in a way no one else had. It's no big deal now, since everyone knows his color deal now... but this was written when Azure was the most recent chapter - back in September.

Back when even I didn't have his power completely nailed down yet. Before I went back to edit minor clues earlier on, about this power.

The part where both Beau *and* Mike come to school with dark bags under their eyes is quite damning. I have a strong hunch that Mike is hiding some pretty big shit from Beau. They both have a charm from Edward after all. Maybe Mike is starting to get some visions of his own? Or maybe he's had a Mandala of his own for as long as Beau, or just got one recently.

Two - They didn't just pin the future. Oh no. They also nailed my abandoned Apricity 1.0 as well! Beyond that, they even got me to reconsider using more of the original scene/intentions (still not sure how much, though)... and they have no idea about any of that:

I don't think Beau will doubt that they're vampires anymore after this dream, lol. The amount of time that Carlisle spent caressing his neck, biting his lips to the point that it breaks the skin, and finally biting into his neck to drink from him really made it clear. Carlisle was definitely showing off his possessive side with his pet names, but that last sentence was particularly chilling. "You're mine now, sweet boy," sounds like both a threat and a promise all wrapped in one. I shudder to think of what might happen if he saw someone was flirting with Beau. The other boy would be dead so fast...

I was so shocked that they nailed my original Apricity 1.0, that I actually clued them into it, in a deeper reply. I wrote this back to them - back when I was certain I wouldn't use the majority of it:

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention something earlier - bizarrely applicable to the point you made about what Carlisle might do IRL if someone tried something with Beau. So funny story - last year, when I was first writing out Cerise (the hospital chapter), I'd actually written an off-screen scene to get a feel for the characters and the actual in-chapter scenes. Mind you, that outtake and the first draft of Cerise are so far outdated now, that a good chunk of it doesn't connect to Cerise or Apricity of today... but traces of that scene still exist in both Cerise and Azure today. . In any case... in that super old Cerise outtake, after Carlisle grabs Edward and drags him out, they end up in that isolated hallway/room and Carlisle pretty much confronts Edward about... something (pretty obvious that something happened, even from today's Cerise). But within this very outdated draft, at some point, Edward starts egging Carlisle on about liking Beau, that first day at school, and Beau being his singer - just to get his straight-laced brother to react and well... Carlisle reacts... uhh... badly, to say the least. He ends up at Edward's throat on an instinct, but at some point he comes to and feels really terrible about it. Strangely enough, I was channeling a few pieces of that old outtake when I wrote Azure (and rewrote the today's Cerise from scratch)... so I'm actually kind of impressed that you somehow saw a piece of this old outdated reference I used for the dream sequence! . That being said, I'll leave it to you to decide just how outdated that outtake is relative to Cerise today. There are definitely a *lot* of major changes... but the outtake isn't totally irrelevant XD

And their cute reply to that:

Well, what are the odds of me asking what Carlisle would do in a specific situation, and that scene actually happened in an unpublished draft? Lol, that's amazing.

Three - You thought it ended there? Nope. It goes even further.

This person somehow nailed at the core of the mystic bond that those two share, as well as the elements of the dreamscape.

To be fair, they openly admitted that they read the chapter twice and noticed a ton of shit they didn't notice the first time around.

Also don't worry about spoilers. This is high-level enough that it won't give away stuff on its own... though Alhaira, I rambled about all of this in the DMs, so you should be able to see how close this person got.

The scariest part?

I think this person figured out my subconscious mind before I did:

The dream/vision was very interesting to read. Beau was able to recognize his surroundings, smell petrichor, remember to find his friends, etc. even in such a state. That he had so much control over his senses was surprising but seeing as this was more of a magical vision rather than a normal dream, it makes perfect sense. [...] The part where he felt a rush of power from the forest was intriguing. I know that he has more of the Current surrounding him than usual, but this is making me believe that maybe Beau can become a shifter or learn magic himself. [...] That Beau is enamored with him to the point that he'd let Carlisle do anything he wanted to him sounds extreme- so much so that I'm beginning to think that vampires have a lure or a siren's call or something else in your story. It's making me wonder if the actual Carlisle was present in this specific vision, and that's how Beau is being so affected by a supposed dream. [...] And boy, I'm excited to get some answers myself. The way the Mandala works is eating at me. I don't know if Beau is being affected so strongly from the Mandala because he isn't familiar with the current, he needs protection from the current, or if it's just the pull/lure of the vampire that he's connected to.

Well, I'll leave it at that for now... on its own, this isn't enough to spoil or anything, since they don't know the details for sure and are just theorizing. But this comment put a stupid amount of stuff into perspective, dragging so much stuff from my subconscious mind.

This was also the comment that made me revisit the whole thing with the Mahabhuta interlude, exploring the dreamscape and mystic stuff even further... even though this comment happened a whole three months before the vampire bingo card happened!

(I'll explain that in a post about the interlude soon, for Miranda's ask)

To say that I would pay money for their take on Midnight... wouldn't be a lie. I want to see what else they can drag from the depths of my subconscious. Heck, I'm like... 80% sure that if they read Midnight and soon, Prithvi, they'd be in striking distance of my exact plans!

Long story short... to say that this comment "made my day"... that'd be the biggest understatement of the month of last September!

[amjustagirl]

Storm Chaser - Outtakes 

pairing: miya atsumu x f!reader   genre: fluff  warnings: brief mention of baby making  wc: 600+

m.list. ~ taglist.~

a/n: set in the aftermath of storm chaser, another fluffy, tender little drabble as requested :)

“We should get married.”

It’s testament to their relationship that she hardly even blinks at his statement, not even when he proclaims it to the ceiling, way past what should be considered an acceptable bedtime. 

“‘Sorry to disappoint you, Tsumu, but we’re already married.” 

Just to emphasise her point, she rolls over and waves her left hand at him, a simple silver ring adorning her fourth finger. Married for almost a decade, sharing two kids and a flat that’s probably a little too messy for most people to comprehend, but it’s cosy and warm and home. 

He scowls as if to say I knew that, but grabs her hand and plants a good natured kiss on her palm anyway. 

“Yeah, I’m good-lookin’ but not dumb, sweetheart”, he retorts, pouting when she responds with a cheeky - “could’ve fooled me, but go on, husband o‘ mine.”

“You know how we had a really small wedding?”

“Because you knocked me up and we had to rush to get married before I popped?” 

“I don’t recall ya complaining about the actual deed, nor the result of it”, he drawls, a lazy smile on his handsome face that she rolls her eyes at. 

“Whatever, go on.”

“Anyway so. I thought it’d be fun to throw a big party with all the people we love to celebrate how far we’ve come. Y’know, get ‘Samu to cater - he’d do it, even if he’ll complain about it forever. Shino can be the flower girl, Shoma can carry the ring and I can marry ya all over again.”

Sighing, she wriggles towards his pillow, resting her chin on top of his chest. 

“‘Tsumu, not sure why I have to repeat myself again but we’re already married? The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate getting married, there’s no point when the deed is already done!”

“I just thought it’d be a good chance to celebrate us y’know -  how far we’ve come, all of that. Cos’ it’s been a rough couple of years, and I thought it’d be nice to remind ourselves and everyone I guess - that we’re happy.”

It’s unlike Atsumu to be so outwardly sentimental unless it’s with the children. Most of the time it’s dressed up with humour and teasing and affectionate touches, so it’s a little odd though not unwelcome. 

“I think anyone who sees us together can tell immediately that we’re happy.” 

His eyes meet hers, the grip on her hand tightening. 

“Really?” 

She presses her lips to his knuckles, gaze soft. 

“You talk about me and the kids incessantly in your interviews, it’s so much your manager asked me if you could tone it down a bit. Your instagram is full of pictures of the kids . You throw a fit whenever you have to spend more than two weeks away from home and I’m not sure who bawls louder - you or Shino whenever we see you off at the airport. If all of that doesn’t make people think that we’re happy, then I suggest they check their eyes out cos they’re going blind.” 

“What about you?”, he asks quietly. “Are you happy?” 

“I could do without more sleep - but I’ll live”, she replies teasingly, before her smile grows impossibly tender. “I’m not a greedy woman, ‘Tsumu. I’ve been blessed with a husband who’s a little bit of an idiot” - he yelps indignantly as she chuckles, “two funny, healthy little kiddos, one slightly feral, the other always hungry, but really, how could I ask for more?” 

His mouth sharpens into a smirk as he presses himself flush against her. “What about a third kid? We could practise makin’ one now.”

“Oh my god - go to bed!”

A smack rings in the air. All's right with the world.

storm chaser universe: original fic.~ remix.~ 

[loonysama]

2021 Fanfic Year in Review

Thanks @bad-at-names-and-faces for the tag!!!

Total Completed Works: 21 (plus 3 WIPs)

Word Count: 584,486

Fandoms I've Written In: Frozen, Brave, The Little Mermaid, Tangled, Rise of the Guardians

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected? I haven't even been writing fanfic for a year yet, so definitely more! If you had asked me a year ago whether I'd be writing anything at all, I would have laughed and said you were funny. I'm frankly astounded at how much I've accomplished.

What's Your Own Favorite Story Of the Year? That's a really hard question because I love all my stories. I'll narrow it to three: Sophisticated Grace, Uncertain Uncertainties, and Always.

Fanfic goals for the new year: I want to finish posting my WIPs - Sophisticated Grace, The Refugees, Seeing Is Believing, Hearing Is Deceiving, and The Best Pick-Up Line There Is (my rewrite of The Office and the Orphanage at FFN). I've also started on three multi-chapters I'd love to start posting this year, but it seems ambitious. ALSO - I want to run two more challenges. One for Anna's B-Day/Midsommar and another for Halloween.

Most popular story of the year: Love, Essentially. It's about ER nurse Anna and train conductor Kristoff meeting and falling in love during the Arendelle Pandemic. And Ariel and Merida are Anna's daughters. It's about second chance romance and found family. Also super steamy. One of the three stories I am gonna try to post this year is a sequel to this one where Ariel and Merida meet their half-brother Harry Tarzan. I'm excited about it.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, IMO: The Rose Gold Ring Leap (part of the Ahtohallan Olympics series). It's about an OC (Anna and Kristoff's daughter Amber) and Ryder Nattura so understandably it's not that popular (even though it does have background Kristanna and a pretty sweet bromance between Kristoff and Ryder). It's a proposal story that takes a little from Kristoff's failed attempts in Frozen II and the outtake "Get This Right." Plus gymnastics! I think it's so cute and sweet and I love it. And it was so much fun writing Kristanna's daughter!

Most fun story to write: Heart of Gold. Hands down. It was a spur of the moment idea I got while watching Olympic gymnasts this summer. I took some story ideas from the news and my observations, and I did a lot of research on gymnastics moves and history. Plus there were some readers that left lots of nice comments and that always makes it more fun and easier. I liked it so much that I expanded the universe with 6 other stories!

Most unintentionally telling story: I really can't pick just one story for this. Let's just say that I had almost total amnesia from childhood trauma before I started writing and now I sort of know what happened. I think that's pretty incredible.

Biggest disappointment: I had to abandon Seeing is Believing, Hearing is Deceiving! I plan to pick it up again in time for Halloween, though. I just had too many things going on in the story and with contests and all that, and it just got too frustrating for me, so I had to let something go. I also had to take long breaks in the middle of some of my longer multi-chapters due to emotional burn-out, and I know that's ok, but I feel like I lost some connection to the stories after that, and now I really regret it. I'm trying to pace myself better now so it doesn't happen again!

Biggest surprise: So, I write a lot of pretty graphic NSFW stuff... Again, a year ago, I would have laughed at you if you told me. And I've also met some wonderful people in the fandom community that I've become close friends with, even though we live on other sides of an ocean! And just to know that people are reading stuff I write and liking it is sort of unreal.

Tagging:

@hiptoff

@hyggescribble

@true--north

@anywhozits

@thecassadilla

[blau-s]

para el "ask game for writers" quiero saber las respuestas de las preguntas 4, 8, 14 y 37 👀

¿En qué idioma se supone que te conteste esto? Behold a byelingual mess under the cut.

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

8. Favorite trope to write.

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

@toolto gave me for my birthday a pendant with a chain and for some reason, I have to wear it when I'm writing, that is so I have something to fidget with when I'm trying really hard to focus or to think about the precise words I want to use. Once I had to take a test to understand learning styles and I scored a lot on kinesthetic learning so it may be that.

Y además de gritar al cielo y decir que me quiero tirar a un pozo? Llorar ahajaj también parece ser parte del ritual.

8. Favorite trope to write.

I'm going to reply to this one in English because I hate the translations of the tropes that are available.

I'm not sure if you could consider mine Alternate universes but it's one of my favorite tropes because it adds the challenge of putting the characters in another context while trying to keep their characteristics and personalities true to the source material.

All of my fics are canon divergence, which is funny because it feels like saying, I liked the first part of this story but I can definitely fix the ending.

Fix it fics too! We complain but we also act on it.

Established relationships and it's not because I don't like reading or potentially writing about how two characters may fall in love, it's the fact that I'm lazy and impatient ahaha.

And I can't think of anything else.

Do you know what I hate? Pure slow burn. I won't go into detail because I know you know ahahah.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

Contesté a esta pregunta aquí

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

Hay una de la Gabriela que me gusta mucho, dice “Una en mí maté, yo no la amaba” del poema La otra que Randall Couch tradujo como “I killed a woman in me: one I didn’t love.”

Siento que es tan decidor querer deshacerse de todas esas partes de uno que no te benefician, de los vicios con los que convivimos y con la ansiedad en sí. Esa persona que te dice que las cosas van a salir mal, que no vales las gracias que tienes y que te mereces las desgracias.

El poema habla en sí de una parte suya más feroz y festiva, pero así sola se le puede dar bastantes más interpretaciones. Todas tenemos una mujer dentro de nosotras que queremos matar.

But if we take this to fanfiction, there's this one quote from a Cherik called "Anarchy in the U.K." by Yahtzee. It's in the outtakes, an alternate ending that the author created.

Once he’d read that birds had evolved to have hollow bones, to reduce their weight. You had to be empty before you could be light enough to fly.

I don't know why it stuck with me so much, but I think that the first time that I read it (in context) it punched the air out of my lungs. And really I aspire to be the kind of writer that can evoke those emotions in my readers.

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[yadds]

What would happen if Tony just suddenly reappeared at the Avengers compound and the first person to see him is Peter, who’s still haunted by Beck’s reality bending?

__________________________________________

Three years after the final snap, Tony suddenly appeared outside the Avengers Compound, disoriented and weak but alive. He wandered into the nearest building, having to stop every few steps to breathe and clear the white spots from his vision, chest heaving. When he’d regained his bearings enough to look around him, he realized he was in the common area for the Avengers.

He released a sigh of relief. “Fri, what the hell happened?” he rasped.

He frowned when nothing but silence met his inquiry. Something wasn’t right.

He scrutinized his surroundings closer. It was similar to the compound he knew but not quite the same.

He staggered, hands gripping the back of the couch tightly as he was bombarded with images of the smoking ruins of buildings surrounded by scorched earth.

Right. Thanos and his cronies ensured that a redesign would be necessary. And apparently whoever was in charge of the rebuild either scrapped his baby girl or couldn’t figure out how to coax her into running their buildings for them without Tony’s brilliance.

Well, it appeared that this was once again Avengers HQ so this should be as safe a place as any to be until he figured out what was going on. He hoped.

Right now, he was willing to risk just about anything for a glass of water and the sight of the refrigerator across the room was too tempting. He shuffled across the room, leaning heavily on furniture and walls along the way.

He reached for a cup from the cabinet, but his shaking hands couldn’t maintain a grip, sending two glasses plummeting to shatter on the floor at his feet. Falling forward, he rested his forehead against the cool metal of the fridge and tried to hold back the frustrated tears crowding behind his eyes.

He heard footsteps padding into the kitchen but didn’t have the energy to turn around. If it was an enemy, they could just kill him at this point for all he cared.

That resolve was quickly tested when he heard the footsteps stop abruptly before he was suddenly hauled into the air and thrown against the wall next to him, an iron grip around his neck.

His eyes wide and heart about to leap out of his throat, it took him a minute to recognize who had him captured. Peter.

His muscles relaxed as much as was possible with adrenaline overflowing his system while still being pinned down by a superhuman.

If he was expecting the same reaction from Peter, he was gravely mistaken.

“Who the fuck are you?” Peter snarled, eyes flinty and mouth a tight line.

Tony’s hands were coming up, open-palmed in the universal sign of ‘I’m not a threat’ but they were webbed in place before they moved more than a couple inches.

“Well this brings back fond memories,” Tony joked weakly. Fight or flight brought out either life-saving genius or the stupid and snarky in him. Obviously this was a case of the latter.

Peter’s face twisted, grasp tightening around Tony’s neck. “What do you mean?”

Tony wheezed, wishing he could tap on Peter’s arm, something like real fear creeping through his veins. He’d always known Peter was among the most powerful of all of them, but his sweet temperament, even in the worst situations, made that easy to forget. There was nothing sweet about this hard creature in front of him, all rough edges, bared teeth, and corded muscle.

When it was obvious that Peter expected an answer, Tony let out a few pointed coughs, eyes darting down to the hand nearly cutting off his air supply.

When it loosened, infinitesimally but enough that he could speak, he answered, “When we met the first time, you webbed my hand to the door when I tried to leave,” he croaked.

Peter pulled him away from the wall just to slam him against it again. “How do you know that?” He growled, eyes wild.

“What do you mean how do I know? I was there, you idiot! I had that stupid webbing stuck on my hand for two hours!” Tony babbled, hysteria building.

Peter’s grip slackened but didn’t completely release. Tony could feel the fine tremors traveling from Peter’s hands into the thin skin behind his jaw.

“Something else. Tell me something else only you would know,” Peter commanded.

“What? There’s a lot that I know that no one else does. One particular item apparently seems to be how to get my AI integrated into this building.”

Peter wasn’t amused. “I’m not playing around, asshole. You have thirty seconds to tell me something to prove your identity or I’m gonna snap your neck.”

Okay. There was some motivation. Tony’s mind was racing, but mostly in useless circles, everything still cloudy and sluggish. He continued to latch on to their early interactions. “After we got back from Berlin, I did a video to show to your aunt and in one of the outtakes I made a comment about her wearing something skimpy. You didn’t think it was near as funny as I did,” Tony said quickly.

“That was on video. Easily hacked and found by someone else,” Peter dismissed immediately.

“I-I don’t,” Tony stuttered, panic setting in.

“I’m losing patience,” Peter warned, eyes narrowed.

“Just wait! I-I’m trying to-“ Peter’s finger brushed against Tony’s carotid. “Titan!” he shouted.

Peter’s whole body froze. “We were on Titan and you were the last one to disappear. You begged me not to let you go, to make it stop, but I couldn’t, I failed, and you-you died in my arms and I was left there alone and I never got to tell you how fucking sorry I am for dragging you into all this bullshit, for not protecting you and-“ Tony hoped that was enough because he physically couldn’t push any more words past the familiar mass of guilt that took the place of Peter’s suddenly absent hand in stealing his ability to breathe.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter breathed. Tony looked up to see Peter staring at him cautiously. Seeing him with eyes wide and hair rumpled, looking so suddenly, vulnerably young was jarring after the cold-blooded killer act.

“Hey, kid,” Tony responded hoarsely, knees buckling as he crashed to the floor, hands still stuck to the wall.

__________________________________________

Bruh. This was again supposed to be a start of a prompt that I wanted to just fill in a quick one shot, but this initial intro part keeps coming out much more involved than the single paragraph I plan for. 🤷🏻‍♀️ At least this version is much less intense/angsty than what I came up with a few days ago.

Hoping to continue this though and finally get into my original idea

Now with a Part 2! 

[mikauzoran]

3 and 4 for the writer questions 👀

Thank you so much for the ask! ^o^

3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

This depends on what kind of story I’m writing, honestly. For some stories like I Would Give You Some Violets or Études: Fifty Lukadrien Kisses the chapters are not written in chronological order, and I jump all around the timeline. I did, however, write the chapters in order. I wrote Chapter One before Chapter Two, and then I wrote Chapter Three, so the order in which the chapters appear is the order in which I wrote them, even though the chapters themselves jump back and forth in time.

So, I guess I do write stories from start to finish, even if the chapters aren’t in chronological order. Nachtmusik is kind of the exception because it has extra scenes and outtakes from all over the Springtime Universe. But ninety-nine percent of the time, I don’t, say, go work on a scene in Chapter Four before I finish writing Chapter Three. I have ideas for things that I want to write later, but I don’t actually write them until I get to that point. The reason being that by the time that I get to that point, things invariably have changed, so the way I was going to write it no longer meshes with the flow of the story up to that point. I think this links well with the next question.

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

I usually do have some kind of outline for what I’m doing, but that “outline” can be very different from one story to the next. In some cases, I do sit down and write a fairly detailed plan of what I want to do. Sometimes I just jot down little bits of dialogue I want to use or the general idea of what I want to happen or things I want the characters to discuss. Sometimes the outline is just a vague idea of the general direction of the story that I keep in my head while writing.

It really depends on the piece. For Rejects, I printed out a calendar page and wrote down what events I want to happen on the days that they happen. I have a separate piece of paper where I have little blurbs about the individual events.

Sometimes I scribble down my notes on post-its. Like, wanna see some behind the scenes nonsense? Here are two of my sticky-notes for future Rejects chapters:

As you can see, this is utter chicken scratch that I jotted down as fast as possible. (The two Japanese characters in the second note are the symbols for “Friday” and “Monday” respectively. There are some words like that that I just use Japanese shorthand for, so the note reads, “the Louvre is open late on Friday” and “Adrien confronts Marinette on Monday”.) These just serve to refresh my memory about what I wanted to do and in what order. When I go back to Rejects, I’ll probably end up scrapping some of the ideas I had when I was working on it last year, but at least they’re preserved for me to work with when I get around to it.

As for a different kind of outline where I go in-depth, please see below. I was in the shower two weeks ago Thursday when I had this whole idea for an Adrienette one-shot called The Adventures of Off-Brand Ladybug and Chat Noir. Later that night, I sat down and typed out a six hundred and seventy-eight word outline of what I wanted to do with the story. Here’s an excerpt from the beginning:

Adrien skips fencing and invites Marinette to a café because she’s seemed stressed and upset and self-isolating recently.

Asks about Luka.

Marinette talks about boy she’s hung up on.

Chat Noir?

No! …Yes. Sort of. Developing feelings. How know?

Guess because of Papa Garou.

How know Papa Garou? Not even Alya knows about Papa Garou.

…Uh…heard from Chat Noir? He felt really bad about turning you down because you’re so amazing. We talked

Explain how Papa Garou mistake. Transfer feelings. Brokenhearted over other boy and Glaciator was romantic and felt connected talking to him. Feelings weren’t real, not like now.

…How are things with Kagami?

Oh…uh…not…good. Hung up on other girl. Whenever Kagami tries to kiss, gut instinct is to pull back. Don’t want to lead her on. Do have feelings, but…not like for other girl. …And crush on other friend too, so always feel like cheating. Just waiting to get her akumatized a third time.

This is my most in-depth level of outlining. See how I include descriptions of what I want to happen along with some proto-dialogue? I’m slowly working on fleshing this out into the actual story.

Funny story, though. You see that first line about Adrien asking Marinette to dinner? I’m two thousand five hundred words into this story, and I’m still on the first sentence of the outline. T^T Adrien hasn’t asked her how things are going with Luka yet. They’re just talking and being goofs. This is going to be longer than anticipated. ^.^;

As for how much my stories change from outline to posting, that also depends. I guess, on average, I’d have to say “a lot” for my longer stories. The one-shots sometimes go in unexpected directions with added dialogue, but they generally stay pretty close to the Major Events I had planned for that story.

Phantasmagoria went completely AWOL with Luka and Adrien just talking and talking and talking, so that story really grew. Even though it checked off all of the Major Events, there was a lot of extra content that naturally grew out of the story once I started writing.

That’s the most common thing that happens. I start writing, and things start growing organically. Once I get into the story, it takes little twists that I couldn’t have anticipated when I was just looking at it and planning from the outside. My stories tend to be true to the spirit of my outline, but they don’t always follow the letter of the outline. Once I get in there and start writing, things usually change for the better, and I’ve just learned to accept that and roll with it.

So, yeah. That’s a little bit about my process. Thank you again for the ask! <3 I’m so pleased that you were curious. ^o^ I hope all my rambling was interesting? ^.^;

[findswoman]

My Zeb and Lasat Stories

Those who follow my blog have probably seen that I am fond of Zeb Orrelios from Star Wars: Rebels and of his species, the Lasat. So fond, in fact—and this is how I show my fondness for characters—that I have written several fan fiction stories about him. Most (but not all) of them take place during his years on his homeworld of Lasan, before the genocide and devastation committed there by the Empire. They feature a great deal of fanon and numerous OCs, both my own and some borrowed from my good friend Raissa_Baiard (who isn’t on Tumblr but is on AO3). And yes, many of them are romantic in nature, with the romantic interest being an OC.

I started writing stories about Zeb and the Lasat in 2017, and I’ve mainly shared them on a SW fanfiction forum that I've been part of since 2014. They've gotten pretty good traction there, but I’ve been shy about sharing them and talking about them in the broader fandom, including here on Tumblr and at AO3. This owes mainly to my own concerns and insecurities about fluffy, cringey, romantic, overwrought, self-indulgent, not using the dominant pairing associated with the character, and generally not as well done as other folks' stories on similar subjects.

Well, on this second Star Wars: Rebels day, I've decided I'm through being shy and insecure. So here, for anyone who may be curious, is a list of my Zeb and Lasat stories, or at least the ones that are so far posted on AO3 (where I have grouped them as my “Lasan Series”).

All links go to AO3. Stories are listed in the chronological order in which they take place in-universe, but in general it isn’t crucial to read them in order. Since Raissa_Baiard has also written in this universe (and indeed was the one who inspired me to start it to begin with), some of my stories reference events in her stories, and in such cases I’ve provided links in the story's author notes.

Sparks. G, short multichapter. A shy kit from a mining town on Lasan discovers powers she did not know she had while working in the mines during school break.

Sleeping Honor. G, one-shot. A young Zeb (equivalent to age 19), recovering in the infirmary of the Lasan High Honor Guard base after injuries sustained in rescuing his younger brother, Shai, receives a visitor.

Letter Perfect; or, The Letter under Zebby's Pillow. G, one-shot. Zeb's little brother has been reading his private correspondence...

Dinner with the Orrelioses. G, one-shot. Zeb brings Shulma to meet his family and dine with them for the first time.

The Sad, Sad Story of Porfozald Marballees! T, very short multichapter, CW for harassment and unwanted advances. The title character, a Lasat shaman initiate, makes an unsuccessful attempt to court Shulma. Followed by two short “outtakes”: Calm after the Storm (in which Shulma's friends comfort her after her harassment by Porfozald) and “I am my prayer to you” (in which Zeb accompanies Shulma on a pilgrimage after those events).

A Private Place. T, one-shot. Zeb surprises Shulma with a visit to her private study chamber at the Royal Lasat Academy of Shamans.

From the Mountain’s Heart. G, short multichapter. Zeb, now a gifted Senior Lieutenant in the Lasan High Honor Guard, embarks on a side quest of his own during maneuvers.

Romance among the Stones. G, very short multichapter. Direct sequel to From the Mountain’s Heart. Zeb plans something elaborate for Shulma, though it does not come off without setbacks.

Since that dear kiss... G, one-shot. Partial sequel to Romance among the Stones. Zeb and Shulma remember their shared tenderness before and after calamity and exile.

Light of Lasan. G, short multichapter. Zeb (now an Honor Guard officer) and Shulma (now a shaman of intermediate rank), are now betrothed and unexpectedly find themselves with important roles to perform at one of their homeworld’s most important ceremonies. Both encounter stresses and setbacks as they prepare.

Feel Safe at Night. M, very short multichapter. A wedding night scene for Zeb and Shulma, with a touch of humor.

Such a funny little bag of dirt... G, one-sentence story. Ezra finds a curious object potentially belonging to Zeb.

Return Again. T, one-shot. Zeb revisits Lasan after the genocide of his people.

And one related story in which one of the same OCs shows up (again, sticking with what I’ve got on AO3 for now):

Three Strands. G, one-shot. A Naboo wigmaker, now living and working on an Outer Rim world, sees the heroine of her favorite childhood tale in every woman who comes to her shop.

So that, at least for now, is the list, for anyone interested or curious, and more will be added. Questions and comments are welcome, and do feel free to share. Happy Rebels Day to all!

[greenlightmusicreviews2]

The Revenge of GLMR!!! | Reasons, Review & Analysis

Because opinions are like voices, we all have a different kind, so just clean out all of your ears, these are my views • atcq "award tour"

There’s a lot different ideas that run through my head when I’m listening to music, and - although it’s been a while - especially when I try to review music. Obviously, there’s going to be bias because I have certain sounds and textures and concepts that I like more than others, but there are three that I expand on down below: effort, competence, and experimentation.

Of course that’s not to discount other aspects like... production value, mixing style, lyricism, songwriting, composition, style and a lot of other aspects to what makes a song work or an album flow - egads! - album sequencing!!!

I really like music, and at the bottom of that, I really want to like music. I’ve spent a lot of time writing my own music and sitting next to friends as they mix and produce the music I write, and so it’s exciting, new and different to sit on the other side and seriously think about the music that I get to listen to. I want to take more time with this endeavor and put in the work to maintain this thing. Maybe that means starting with familiar stuff and getting a feel with how I think about music with artists or albums I know. At the end of the day, I’m a guy on the net with a blog, but I hope you sweet, beautiful people find something worthwhile, interesting, funny and hopefully insightful from this thing. Maybe you can get something cringeworthy out of it. We may never know, but hopefully, we may.

In the words of Josh Homme:

If you've got the time and you've got the space you've got to make something of it. We might balls the whole thing up but you've got to try!

Effort

One of the things I put a premium on is effort: did’ja at least try to make a good song or record? Because if you didn’t, then fuck you.

In my teenage years I listened to a lot of alt-metal, post-grunge, hard rock and generally loud guitar music, so understand that I speak with some authority when it comes to that genre of music. Seether, Hinder, Nickelback, Godsmack, Papa Roach, Saving Abel, Three Days Grace - even bands that were influenced from the original crop: Daughtry, Theory of a Deadman, Popevil - and even bands that were just a little outside of generic rockers, bands like Foo Fighters, Audioslave, the sort of acts that were pretty well-respected but still made similar music but of a little better quality than their imitators. So I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to the post-grunge sound, that sound a generation or so removed from the Seattle heavyweights they hold in such high regard. My favorites of the bunch were: Foo Fighters, Nickelback, Seether, Puddle of Mudd, throw in some Everclear and that’s a good sampling of bands that I really liked at that time. These are bands that sounded like they put in a good amount of effort in the records that they made.

I hear distant scoffs, but only because it’s fallen out of fashion to dislike Nickelback, but hear me out: if you think Nickelback was generic and derivative, then you weren’t given the chance to hear Nickelback-lite.

Nickelback is a band whose blueprint was always more CCR, ZZ Top and Metallica than anything else, and their albums, save for maybe Curb typically reflected this.

They combined these three somewhat disparate influences with the sonic template that the Big Four of Grunge popularized and made some incredibly catchy and well executed music.

Hoobastank, on the other hand, you could tell sort of wanted to imitate Incubus, but recognized the immediacy of a band like NIckelback. Their music was similar, though never venturing further than Drop-D tunings, but their songwriting was sub-par. There was never, I sensed, the effort that truly made certain bands stand out. The lyrics especially, where they offered fairly banal observations and pleas for help:

Show me what it's for Make me understand it I've been crawling in the dark Looking for the answer Is there something more Than what I've been handed? I've been crawling in the dark Looking for the answer

- “Crawling in The Dark” by Hoobastank (2001)

The sound is part and parcel of what rock bands in the mid-2000s were aiming for in order to receive radio play: dull production value, samey chord progressions, vaguely introspective lyrics and leads that sound like U2 outtakes. Was there any effort, any character, any color, any life to your production, music or lyrics? Unfortunately, once executives and the ilk come in, well, that’s where a lot of “corporate rock” gets its reputation from.

Competence

Competence is one of those things where all it’s asking is, did’ja do it well? Does it sound awkward or cringey, or is it well-executed and hits the mark?

An example that comes to mind is Foo Fighters’ 2014 album Sonic Highways. After 2011′s Wasting Light, which was a watershed moment for the band, they began to really lean into their own legacy. Grohl and Co. became a standard-bearer for rock music at this time, and to an extent still do. What came after was a pretty bloated concept record about the musical history of the United States in 8 different cities tied together with an HBO documentary. While the documentary was actually decently made though not perfect, the record suffered from the band overextending themselves. They recorded the album in 8 different cities while interviewing famous musicians with deep roots in those cities, and then Grohl would go and write lyrics based on what he had learned in those interviews, weaving in little things they said here and there in order to form a coherent narrative for the song.

It didn’t quite work. The music is decent for the most part, but Grohl was just not able to make it compelling enough. Dave’s insistence on the record not straying too far from the band’s original sound didnt’ make sense when the entire concept was based on a city-by-city celebration of American-made music. The finished product was colored by Vig’s by-the-numbers production and Grohl’s own hesitation about making it too different.

There are musical projects that are well-performed and well-produced (i.e. competent in a couple different dimensions), but the overarching concept can be marred by the artist’s own musical limitations.

Danny Worsnop has had a successful stint with Asking Alexandria. His foray into country music with The Long Road Home is pretty good. Kid Cudi, the rapper whose Man On The Moon records were well-done pop-cum-rap albums, didn’t quite hit the mark with 2012′s WZRD and much less with 2015′s Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven, both attempts to make rock(?) records.

An artist’s own musical limitations can hinder musical projects, even if other aspects of the music are otherwise done decently well.

There’s a dimension where a record can be “competent” in what it does and score a 5/10 or higher. There’s also a dimension where a record can be “competent” in what it does and score a 4/10 or lower. It’s tied to the effort made, and of course, goes by an artist-by-artist basis. Same thing with...

Experimentation

Not every song or album has to be a genre-bending, mind-expanding, sound-expanding trip through another universe, but artists that make an attempt to go beyond their comfort zone or beyond an established boundary get credit for doing so.

This is, again, kind of by an artist-by-artist basis. You can’t have multiple Beatles, for example, who rewrite the music playbook or whatever. But when an artist tries to go even a little out of their comfort zone, it’s appreciated. Take an artist like Ian Thornley. An extraordinarily talented guitarist and songwriter, his band Big Wreck recorded In Loving Memory Of... in 1997 and, although it took its blueprint directly from Led Zeppelin III, did some pretty interesting things sonically and early on demonstrated some great potential in developing their sound. Their follow-up was a bloated piece of work that unfortunately fell into the trope of “let’s go thicker on the guitars and have overblown ballads” that most rock bands in the 2000s fell into. After their break-up, Ian continued this trend with the plodding generic music of Thornley.

A band that actually threads this needle pretty well is Queens of the Stone Age. Josh Homme creates each record with its own unique identity, doing so competently, with effort, and not sounding (at least not all the time) like a phoned in attempt to sit on his haunchy laurels. Era Vulgaris, a personal favorite of mine, was this dirty, sleazy, almost evil sounding record while its follow-up ...Like Clockwork plumbed the depths of Homme’s struggle with depression and created gorgeous sonic landscapes on songs like “The Vampyre of Time and Memory” and “I Appear Missing.”

I like a little experimentation whether with production, music or lyrics. It’s not going to kill a record if they don’t really experiment, but the artist gets points for at least trying.

Final Thoughts, Concerns & Whatever Else

These three things are what immediately came to mind when I thought about what goes through my head when thinking about music. It’s not super technical, and probably comes from my own background as a musician without a background in theory and who pieces music together mostly through feeling and intuition. But there’s a bunch of other things that I know should look out, and want to look out for. Things like production value, lyricism, composition and style. The way I listen to music hopefully will change for the better, and looking back to previous reviews, I can do a hell of a lot better, and plan to. I actually hope to find better and more unique and interesting ways to describe how I hear certain sounds and even improve on listening out for certain, subtle aspects of production jobs.

Welcome back to Green Light Music Reviews! Sub-par music reviews for a healthy colon! Enjoy!!

[queenslasharchive]

2019 favourites

pt I

01. I Belong To You Forever by kyluxfichell [brian/roger, freddie/john | explicit | ongoing]

In a world where everyone is born as a Dominant or a submissive, submissives are treated like second class citizens. Queen are offered their first recording contract with a record label, but the music industry is still highly discriminatory against subs, especially those who are unclaimed by Doms, so Brian and Freddie devise a way to protect the two subs in their band

02. so baby, pull me closer by owenwilsonvevo [brian/roger | explicit | 3013]

Roger will be the first to admit that he’s not always the most attentive, but he also spends a lot of time admiring Brian’s face and he’s pretty sure he would’ve noticed if he'd had a beard when he’d left. He still rushes straight into his arms, launching himself at him, legs around his waist and arms around his neck, but he can’t help the incredulous laugh that bubbles out of him.

“What the hell?” He asks.

03. i’m gonna come clean by jehoney [brian/roger, roger/tim | explicit | ongoing]

 in which roger may or may not be shagging both of his bandmates.

04. Roger’s Boys by spn1dneedit [freddie/roger, brian/roger, john/roger | mature | 5473]

Three times Roger Taylor kisses each of his bandmates, and the one time they all kiss him. or, Roger kisses one boy and decides he wants to kiss a couple more too.

05. For so many years have gone, though I’m older but a year by brooklynbugleboy [poly, jim/freddie | teen | ongoing]

"Beau spied a familiar smile in that head of incorrigible snowy white curls. He knew that beautiful face once, before the lines took over, knew that body and those incongruous warm hands. Before age softened his middle and jawline and those liver spots stole the property of freckles on his skin. Beau knew that nose, those eyes, the quirk of those caterpillar eyebrows.

For the first time in his life, nineteen-year-old Beau LaCroix looked into the face of Dr. Brian May: astrophysicist and former guitarist of Queen.

For the first time in twenty-five years, Freddie Mercury looked into the face of the best-friend and lover he’d left behind.

They just so happened to be one and the same.“

06. if you’re that way inclined by obscuriaal [freddie/brian | explicit | ongoing]

It’s not the sort of business a proper young man gets into, but Freddie (Mercury to friends and fans) will take quick cash and the sleazy adoration where he can get it.

07. tempestuous by sanguination [brian/roger | mature | ongoing]

a story about two boys who don’t know anything but each other

08. Off to the Races by scarletjuliet [brian/roger | mature | 4495]

He may long for an epic love story, but instead Roger reaches for another cigarette and watches from where Brian holds him, at arms length.

09. all the more reason for laughing (and crying) by devereauxing [brian/roger | mature | ongoing]

in which freddie and roger are ridiculously codependent, brian is hopelessly in love, and john has made potentially the worst (best) desperate choice of his life in snapping up the first offer of a flat following a sudden eviction.

10. No Fight, Just Excitation by annieapple24 [all pairings, poly | explicit | ongoing]

Maybe its not surprising that the ‘bitchiest band on earth’ were able to finally come together through fighting with each other. The story of how each of the boys go from fighting to… something more fun.

12. cause god, it just feels so good by deakyamp [freddie/roger, poly | explicit | 2598]

“we were having a nice conversation,” roger told him as they set foot outside.

“she wanted to fuck you,” freddie corrected. their apartment was just a block away, and the fact only made the rush of triumph and spite in freddie’s veins grow stronger. he made long strides down the sidewalk, visibly eager to get home, but roger caught up easily. when they paused at an intersection, freddie leaned in close enough to brush his lips against roger’s ear. “but she doesn’t get to, does she?”

13. The A Experience by wordsarebetterthannumbers [roger/brian, freddie/john | mature | ongoing]

Brian May, 21

13 kilometers away

I am looking for someone to come with me to a Christmas dinner and pretend that we have been dating for two months.

14. like a break up except there's nothing to break by chateauofmyheart [general audiences | 4161]

Brian's been thinking about alternate universes.

or

a vague look at the hot space era where everything hurts and no one's quite happy

15. all that's left (is to leave) by rory_the_dragon [freddie/brian | explicit | 11486]

They drive out of Munich in silence.

(Brian comes to Munich)

16. Friends Will Be Friends by immistermercury [freddie/jim | general audiences | 816]

Freddie always gets excited by a home crowd, especially a Wembley crowd. It's just a shame that he's so impulsive.

17. Highly Strung by nothingelsematters [brian/john | explicit | 2513]

A little accident at practice leaves Brian needing to re-string John's prized Rickenbacker. John supervises...in a very hands-on way.

18. Welcome to Queen, John Deacon by the brightestbird [brian/john | general audiences | 3525]

Drunk at a disco, Brian May offers a very cute bass player the keys to Queen's kingdom.

19. the never ending cold by apaio [brian/john | explicit | 3930]

He’s riled up, muscles tense and spoiling for a fight. He’s not so much as angry as just agitated, like the tension of the past couple of weeks is finally coming to a head. Less so can be said for-

 “Brian,” he gasps as fingernails scrape at his hips. 

20. Call Me by shrodingers [poly | teen | 1448]

Sometimes, to really see what went wrong, you have to go back to the beginning.

Or, in which four boys observe their relationship in reverse.

21. Funny How Love Is by sweetestsight [poly | mature | 9164]

Things change over the years. Outtakes of four people, their shifting relationships and what they mean to each other.

22. Melancholy Hopes, These Sleepless Nights by anonymous [poly | teen | 9240]

His father would call him a bleeding heart.

Freddie, free from anger, would call him a gentle soul.

Roger, still cloaked in anger, would remind him that he’s kind.

John, in the same clipped tone, would say that he likes the softness.

A bad argument makes Brian leave the flat. Blizzards and driving while emotional never mix.

23. give me something to sing about by deakyamp [poly | explicit | 2198]

he would've invited a pretty girl to his room to fuck more nights out of their tour schedule than not, but for the time being, queen splits a single two-bed hotel room between the four of them. it’s usually fine. tonight, the rest of the band is out cold around him, passed out tipsy or drunk.

it’s just that tonight roger taylor is wide awake, and very hard.

24. Overthinking by shrodingers [poly | teen | 1082]

He's going to start a renaissance, the greatest one of all. Whether they will be there is a different story.

Or, in which Fred can't sleep and his bandmates help him out.

25. I Was Looking For A Home And I Found You by untoward [brian/roger, freddie/john | not rated | ongoing]

“If I don’t remember who I am then who’s to say I’m not a prince or a duke or whatever, right?” Rog says, a little out of breath from the running.

Brian puts chin between his fingers and purses his lips “Um, go on.”

“And if I’m not Roger, then the Empress will certainly know right away, and it will all just be an honest mistake.”

Brian lets out a magnificent smile and nods his head “Sounds plausible.”

“But if you are the Prince,” Deaky says with a smile and puts his hand around Rog’s shoulders “then you’ll finally know who you are, and you’ll have your family back.”

Brain clicks his fingers together, “You know what he’s right, either way it gets you to Paris.”

Rog smile widens and he nods his head happily, “Right” he extends his hand to Brain and takes a firm grip of his hand, shaking it. 

Or, Rog's trying to look for family he lost 10 years ago and Brian's trying to make money off an old English legend about the lost Prince. They both get more than they bargained for.

26. Give It All You Got by somedayoneday [freddie/john, brian/roger, john/roger | explicit | ongoing]

Roommates John and Roger have found a good way to make a bit of extra income while their band is still getting off the ground. Little do they know that their bandmates are avid viewers...

27. Songs of Songs by lydianode [brian/roger | explicit | 2276]

It's the penultimate night of the 1980 US tour, and Brian wants to read to Roger.

28. Bring Back What Once Was Mine by sweetestsight [poly | mature | ongoing]

In which Roger gets cursed, escapes a tower, starts a revolution, saves a life, hits a lot of people with blunt kitchen utensils and is very much not a damsel in distress. A Tangled AU of sorts.

29. sailin’ away on the crest of the wave by kt_fairy [john/roger | mature | 16091]

Roger wasn't a man to steal another man's girl. He could find an available women easily enough. Yet, as this bloke went on about bass players - a sore point as Queen had been flailing around trying to find one for months - he couldn't help his eyes flicking to her through the gloom.

She was tall and brunette, which he liked. Strong features which he didn't mind, and dressed kind of masculine which had always been a look he liked on women.

Then he had realised the girl was the bassist Nigel kept going on about. And then he realised that she was a bloke.

30. Hear Me Out by 2_ava [john/roger | not rated | ongoing]

John is trying to tell them about himself and his bass playing; he wants to get into this band so bad. But, he can’t seem to stop his eyes from continuously flicking over to the blonde in the corner behind the drum kit. He’s staring at him, eyes watching him intently and mouth slightly agape, occasionally twitching as John speaks. He’s weird – but equally entrancing… // Roger is deaf. It’s something John slowly comes to terms with while Queen becomes more and more successful

[peri-helia]

fanfic writers asks 14 and 3

Thank you so much!

14.  You’re applying for the fanfic writer of the year award. What five fanfics do you put in your portfolio?

Oh god um - as follows in no particular order (these are all Klaroline): 

Are you sure you wanna play this game?  

And Puppy Makes Three

On the Wind, Cross the Sea

These Ties That Bind Bear Jewels (as proof that greater love lies further deep)

Easy like Sunday Morning

3.  Describe the differences between your first fanfic and your most recent fanfic.

My first fanfiction, I wrote when I was 14, it was Doctor Who fanfiction and I’m glad I deleted it because I reread it about two years ago and I cringed. I’m so glad how I’ve grown and how I continue to grow. My prose flows so much better, my language has matured (not just swearing but vocabulary usage) and my concepts are more diverse - I  don’t just go for big, world saving plotlines any more. As linked above, I’ve written about pairings getting a dog, I’ve written about reincarnation, about all sorts of mythical beings, about one night stands and drunk texting - things I just didn’t think I could write because I found my angles on them boring because they sounded so bland when I wrote them. 

But my most recent fic But I Stay is short, the dialogue is snappy in places and its a fic about drunk texting. It’s funny, some of the exchanges in it made me giggle and its a modern Sanditon AU, which when I started writing, I stayed very much canonish where it was the same characters in the same universe but sort of outtakes, or future fic was as far as I went and now I’m like Regency characters  can absolutely be in the modern day, texting and swearing and being licentious af. I’ll go for any and every angle if it makes me laugh or I get an emotive scene in my head I’ve had some absolutely lovely feedback on that fic and my other work and I’m so grateful that people not only take the time to read my work, but that they enjoy it and that they let me know that. It’s a huge compliment every single time and keeps me going. 

Thank you!!

[s0meday0neday]

Warm and Terrified Outtakes #1

I’m not even sure where this came from, I had in no way planned to write any more flashback chapters, but when I started writing this morning this just came out. The more I wrote it, the more I realised it didn’t really fit in the fic, but I thought some of y’all might enjoy seeing a little outtake.

A look into John’s teenage years. Ending is abrupt, because I just stopped writing once I realised I didn’t want to keep this in the fic.

John figured out when he was thirteen that he didn’t particularly like alphas.

He’d just started year nine, and while most of the year group were having a talk about their O-level options, John was sat in what would be the first of many ‘Life Skills’ classes. The name wasn’t entirely accurate – it wasn’t a class to teach John the skills he would need for the life he wanted. It was a class to teach John the skills he would need for the life an omega was expected to have. Just thinking back to thirty minutes ago, when he’d had to awkwardly explain to Roger where he was going, made John want to sink into the floor.

To distract himself from that particular memory, John flicked through the slim textbook they’d been given, outlining the content of the so-called ‘subject’.

Chapter 1: Growing into yourself

John winced and quickly skipped over those pages, hoping the course wasn’t taught in chapter order.

Chapter 2: What the law says

That could be useful at least, John supposed, but it seemed to be the shortest chapter in the book. He skim-read a few paragraphs – most of it was stuff he knew already – before moving on.

Chapter 3: Your place in society

It was another relatively short chapter, and John didn’t even want to know what it said. He skipped it.

Chapter 4: Your future mate

And there it was. No question marks, no conditional tense, just black-and-white print that has a dreadful finality about it. For an alpha, finding a mate and settling down was an option – a very desirable option for most – but an option nonetheless. For an omega, it wasn’t. Omegas were sparse and in-demand. Just like the textbook, the world around John had assumed from the day he was born that he was going to settle down with an alpha sometimes before he turned twenty.

It didn’t matter that most of the time, John found the scent of alphas overpowering and unpalatable. It didn’t matter that he wanted to go to university before settling down. It didn’t matter that getting attention from his alpha classmates – although it thrilled some baser part of him – more often than not made him so nervous he thought he might be ill. It didn’t matter that John felt a little spark of something warm in his chest every time his best friend looked his way, because Roger was a beta and-

“John, could you read the next paragraph for us?”

He’d been completely zoned out, wasn’t even sure what paragraph they were on, or what page they were on, until one of his classmates leaned over to point it out for him. Chapter 4, page 1, third paragraph. John pursed his lips, skimming the text before he started to read.

“While unmated, you should be open and courteous to any displays of interest from alphas around you. You should…”

As he read, John’s mind wandered to Roger again. Roger expected him to be mated off one day, even if that fact was never spoken aloud, it loomed in background of every conversation they had about the future. And John couldn’t help but think that maybe, if that expectation wasn’t there, Roger might start to see him the way he saw Roger.

Though the thoughts had been slowly crystallising in his head for months now, it was only when he got home that night, and sat alone in his room that John really let himself admit it. He wasn’t interested in alphas. He wasn’t interested in being treated like some lesser, delicate thing. He wasn’t interested in a relationship where his partner had so much power over him and he had almost none over them.

More than anything, he wasn’t interested in being with anyone but Roger.

It was a frightening thought. So frightening that he pushed it aside, and refocused on the disassembled remote control on his desk. All these feelings wouldn’t matter much for another few years, after all, so he would just take a leaf from Roger’s book and try to ignore dynamics and their implications for another few years.

If only it was that easy.

-------------------------------------------

Roger had been dating John for a month, though neither of them had been brave enough yet to put that label on the slow kisses they shared when they were sure nobody would walk in on them. The way John kissed him was unlike how anybody had kissed Roger before – the other boy was gentle, and thorough, and looked at Roger afterwards like he’d hung the stars in the sky. It was so nice that Roger didn’t particularly mind that things hadn’t gone any further. The whole thing still felt a bit taboo, after all, and he knew John was a virgin, so it made sense to move forward in baby steps.

Things took a turn one evening, when Roger was over at John’s house. He far preferred spending time together in John’s room, because the place smelled like John, and had his personality all over it – from the neatly-made bed, to the constantly evolving electronics projects John had set up on his desk, to the box of chocolates Roger had bought him last week, that John was taking his sweet time to savour, even though they were a bit cheap.

They hadn’t gotten to kissing yet, content for now just to enjoy each other’s quiet company as John did his maths homework and Roger nosed through his things looking for something interesting. He eventually found something, in the form of a slim textbook tucked in a pile of old textbooks under John’s bed.

‘Life Skills: Book 3’

It rang a bell. Roger could vaguely remember John taking some funny omega classes back before sixth form, but since John had barely spoken about them, Roger had no idea what they involved.

Curious, he flipped open the textbook. It was in a much worse state than John’s other textbooks, looking like it had been stuffed to the bottom of his bag in a hurry on more than one occasion, and with a few worksheets stuffed haphazardly between the pages. Roger tugged out one sheet, eyebrows shooting up when he saw the subject matter. He cast a glance over to John - who was turned away, busy with his homework still – before looking at the sheet in question. It was pretty simple, four questions in bold and then John’s handwritten answers – though it was obvious from the layout that the teacher had expected John to write far more than the few words he had scrawled in.

My first heat came when I was: 15

My heats are regular / irregular

Write how you feel about heats currently: Not good

Write how you think you will feel about heats when you’re mated: Not good

It seemed like the weirdest thing to make a bloody worksheet about, if Roger’s understanding of heats was anything close to accurate. It explained at least why John hadn’t ever spoken about those classes. He was about to tuck the sheet back in and put the textbook away when he noticed the title of another worksheet sticking out.

‘My Ideal Mate’

Roger’s curiosity got the better of him, and pulled it out to have a read.

Similarly to the last worksheet, the layout looked a little juvenile, considering John must have been about sixteen when asked to fill it out. There was a stick figure in the centre of the page, and instructions to ‘List the features you look for in an alpha’. Just as with the worksheet, John seemed to have put in minimal effort. He’d only written three phrases in the vast blank space provided.

Kind

Values higher education

Not an alpha

“Put that down.”

John’s voice was sharp, and so unexpected that Roger dropped the sheet abruptly. When he looked up at John, his expression was hard to read – a mix between about twenty different emotions – and Roger couldn’t tell if his cheeks were flushed with anger or with embarrassment.

“I was just-“

“Being nosy, yes, I know. It’s not any of your business,” John snapped, snatching the worksheet and the textbook away from Roger and walking away to shove them into the bin.

“Sorry,” Roger said, a little nervous. He wasn’t used to John reacting so badly to… well, to anything, really, “I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

(sorry again for the abrupt ending! Thanks for reading, new chapter should be out sometime before Thursday if all goes to plan)

[jefferyryanlong]

Fresh Listen - Ray Barbee, Tiara for Computer (Um Yeah Arts, 2018)

(Some pieces of recorded music operate more like organisms than records. They live, they breathe, they reproduce. Fresh Listen is a periodic review of recently and not so recently released albums that crawl among us like radioactive spiders, gifting us with superpowers from their stingers.)

Around Christmas-time 2018, my good friend Nathan invited us to a shindig at the Hawai'i Bowl, a post-season exhibition game at the Aloha Stadium, UH vs. LA Tech. Pregame was an all-you-can-eat/drink “tailgate.” Over-salted and overheated meatballs and short ribs, prepared frozen food from institutional distributors, served alongside twelve-ounce Coors Light or Heineken. The kind of party more fun in the abstract--in real time, you inevitably get sucked under a sluggish and dehydrated day drunk, and no quantity of soggy tater tots can pull you out.

As soon as we took our seats under a canopy set up just beyond the parking lot and in front of the entrance to the stadium, we realized conversation would be impossible. The band, a nameless cover group that interspersed Christmas tunes with their catalog of oldies, was too loud, and we had no choice but to drink silently and listen resentfully. The lead guitarist, hamming it up in an a Santa hat, was for the most part terrible and tried to compensate with a series of funny faces to the audience. (Granted, there were a few lines and riffs he had somehow motivated himself to practice to an almost polish). My girlfriend Rachel, who hears music with a far more sophisticated ear than I ever will, thought the drummer was “dragging” in most of the songs, but I just attributed his playing as part of the overall mess. Eventually the band gave over to the bass player, a thin white dude in an Aloha shirt, and he shocked all of us by manifesting not only the note-perfect bottom end but also the soulful vocal stylings of Motown’s greatest hits. But the true revelation of this performance was the keyboard player.

Nathan described her voice as Dionne Warwick at the Apollo, the sound of a class act singing her way back to the roughest definitions of her soul. While the keyboardist did have the coffee and cream smoothness of Dionne, she also carried in that voice a swallow of grit on the back end. It was a voice with some miles on it, a voice that had sung the story of heartbreak so often it could open up that valve to the universal pain in the speaking of a vowel, a syllable. This wasn't just the voice of God--it was undeniably human, the voice of desire and desperation and exultation.

But not just her voice that surprised and moved us--it was her mastery of her keyboard, a general issue piece of equipment, a preset memory bank of synthesized sounds. She could power her way through piano chords on covers of Adele, she could color the bass player’s R’n’B aspirations with bursts of faux horns. And when she needed to emotional immediacy of a note bend, a twang, that offset cry that simulates the human voice coming to grips with great feeling, the fingers of her left hand caressed the synth’s pitch shifter, modulating the artificial tones toward something that came close to natural. As fake and insufferable as they are in other cover groups, this specific keyboard transformed the liabilities of this imperfect band into strengths.

Because of the perceived dangers of displacing otherwise capable musicians, electronic synthesizers were surprisingly slow to be incorporated into popular music. The earliest recordings of synth music were put to tape by avant grade composers and theorists. For the most part failing to re-conceptualize the parameters as a whole new different conglomeration of sounds, these musicians took it upon themselves to recreate classic pieces of music through programming and note translation. (Their radioactive experiments, which pulsate and glow with the impossibility of ever striking a listener to the emotional core, are nonetheless compelling, unlistenable gems, evolving later into the computer program that stiltedly regurgitated an idealized, dehumanized melody, the theory of which was data-entried into its memory banks).

Kraftwerk pushed toward pop music as a synthesizer ensemble, but a true human face was not added to the cold, detached robotic visage until artists like David Bowie or Donna Summer coopted the German aesthetic for their Berlin and disco records. Stevie Wonder, perhaps because of his universal acclaim as a songwriter, vocalist, and instrumentalist, doesn’t receive enough credit as an electronic music pioneer, though he was utilizing synthesizer technology as early as 1972′s Music of My Mind. Over layers of weirdly chorded synths (all of them played himself), Wonder inserted a soul into the music, with his pure, flawed voice. With his inimitable, low-key drum style, he imparted a living heartbeat.

Ray Barbee’s Tiara for Computer references the trading away of old wealth for new knowledge. Specifically, an ornate but inherent useless crown-petite for the technological advantage of digital processing. As we as peoples evolve, we are learning how important it is to be plugged into the resources available via great swathes of digitized information, and progress itself is now dependent on effectively utilizing this digitized information. To evolve nowadays, to simply grow, is to synthesize the mind with the databases we move between daily. At least, that’s what we’ve convinced ourselves of.

With the help of Tortoise percussionist John Herndon, Barbee carries forward Stevie Wonder’s aesthetic, though without vocals: synth layers with a live backbeat. If there is one drawback to this approach, it’s that Tiara for Computer comes close to sounding like a Tortoise record, minus the off-kilter timing and overly cerebral melodies. Like his skater-musician colleague Tommy Guerrero, who appears on Tiara for Computer through his handclaps, Barbee’s musical drive is based on setting minimal and insanely catching melodies--through riffs and repeated lines--in stone. There are, for the most part, beginnings, middles, and ends to his songs, and on this record, aside from a few exceptions, Barbee doesn’t waste his time with free-floating beeps and tones, those textures that rise to the surface on the periphery of Radiohead records.

A fluctuating drone kicks off “Pink Noise,” an electro-alarm that announces the sonic equivalent of of a video game race over translucent tracks refracting pixels of light into rainbow prisms under the air wheels of futuristic machines. A bass synth figure keeps the track moving briskly along, subtly propelled by a tightly strummed electric guitar creating the impression of velocity. First buried low in the track, the guitar bursts into a shower of sparks as the song makes its last sprint around the length of space circling our heads.

There will come a time when the guitars and pianos and violins and saxophones of our present will exist as mere artifacts, like reproductions of lutes from Ancient Greece. The expression of the infinite well of human feeling will be predicated on the communication through a digitized language, absorbed through synapses that have evolved adequately for these missives to hit their mark. “Future Blues” is is Barbee’s rough sketch at what this music will sound like, discovering in the programmed notes of electronic keyboards a means to delicately portray he desolation of the human condition. The song could almost be a sketch from the outtakes of Kid A, grappling with it does the undead cry of technology in a struggle to capture a living sentiment.

“What’s His Neck” continues the exuberance of “Pink Noise,” a more melodically sophisticated piece accented by Barbee’s guitar and a chorus of handclaps. The fullest “band” song on he record, the song accelerates to a rave-like intensity. In contrast, “Ocra vs. Jaba” comes across as almost sanctimonious. Despite the complicated drum figure and Barbee’s groove-based riff, the overwhelming synths drag the song into a kind of slow motion, a ponderous moment that creates in the imagination a starship docking on the interior of a space station.

Herndon has several shining moments on Tiara for Computer, but his impact is never so apparent as on “Tina Cut.” As a drummer, his role in the song is minimal, tasked to ground Barbee’s sequenced movements with a steady beat that could never be replicated by a computer. The slight accents that vary between the snare, hi-hat, bass drum, and cymbals--plus the breathless manner in which Herndon pushes the sonic monolith of synths through a kind of weightless space--comes as close to a credible synthesis between electronic and live instruments. The sequel to “Tina Cut,” Ornithology,” replaces that living rhythm with a more mechanized beat, capturing Barbee’s thinking out loud through his synths.

“Holding Company,” with its processed acoustic guitar arpeggios and slacker groove, calls back to Tommy Guerrero’s laid back aesthetic, with a little of Oliver Nelson’s “Skull Session” thrown in. Barbee forsakes his firmly established melodies on the album’s title track, a tightly orchestrated freakout that, if stripped of its electricity and played by horns, could be the outro of a jazz record, notes arising and from the noise and latching onto one another briefly before traveling astray. 

With its hybridization of live and electronic instruments, Tiara for Computer might have been produced ten, fifteen years ago. It is not a groundbreaking record in the sense of reshaping the potentialities of this music. What is important about Tiara for Computer is Barbee’s excitement in engaging new modes of expression beyond his already formidable guitar work, while composing music that is, in its complex simplicity, quintessentially his own. Barbee is growing into the 21st Century, hypothesizing new ways of playing and hearing as he develops his aesthetic palette.