#It's loser central over here lol

[tarochimochi]

Winner Gijinka redesign! I like to think they swap between the skirt and pants depending on the challenge.

Uh I don’t know why I thought their old design was ever okay to bestow on human eyes!

Cut below the entire design process (it’s gonna be long)

So I knew immediately after finishing my Loser design I wanted Winner to be the opposite of Loser. Which ment no warm colors, no vest sleeveless thing, no sunglasses, esc. I wanted them to be 80s inspired to match my Loser’s 70s Inspiration! I wanted them to parallel Loser by being so different but the same at the same time. So I wanted to do alot.

I think very clearly with the first ever winner draft (on the right) I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING LOL. I really don’t like it now looking back and it really doesn’t feel like Winner to me. I think just to show how old this is, this was before I even made established age headcanons so I also had no idea how older I wanted Winner to be.

That age headcanon list will probably be shown at another time, I think I showed it once on instagram after somebody asked.

The one on the left I did right after I finished my Loser design and oh my god I also really hate it looking back. I had this idea that Winner’s hair could be the opposite of Loser’s hair where instead of being from like brown to blond and lighter blond it would be the opposite and oh it looked horrible to me.😭

I think also at this point Winner was still just black and not biracial

Now here are what I would call my “Stuck in design hell”. Characters I struggle with immensely when creating a design I think fits/I personally also like for them. It doesn’t mean I have no ideas, some of them I know exactly what I want to do with them but can’t figure out how to emulate it. I ended up abandoning Winner for awhile because they were giving me so many problems because I set so many restrictions for myself which weren’t exactly working.

So then we got this.. I tried to force myself to finalize their design on the spot… bad idea.. worse idea I could ever fathom. I don’t like any of these designs and plus the way I draw now has changed since I made these designs. I had an idea that Winner’s arm could also be translated as one of those super cool arm grabber toys from the 80s which I don’t know, maybe I’ll bring back?? Depends on how I feel about it after focusing on writing more Winner central stories and exploring Winner more as a character and talking to people who really like Winner.

I should also note the inspo for Winner in the fluffy coat and overalls came from the fact that when I was in the movie theater, I saw a kid wearing black overalls and periwinkle jacket and went “HOLY SHIT WINNER TPOT.”

Somewhat unrelated but in this design Winner also became Biracial because @/exitstudent was like “Oh Winner feels afro-Latino to me” so I changed my headcanon almost immediately. This is why I probably shouldn’t have put my race hc chart out so early because my opinions get swayed so easily PLUS I changed a few things around. (Nothing to major, Snowball and Spongey are Wasian now, Donut is Dutch, put Bomby back in Blasian, Gaty is Finnish)

I also had the idea that instead of Winner having highlights (because I highly doubt Winner would go out of their way to highlight their hair) their greying really early on due to stress and poor genetics probably. Another cool parallel to Loser about how Loser’s hair is something he essentially paid for Winner in a way earned theirs. Loser also bleaching pretty much all their hair would also be a cool symbolism for how he’s not the truest to himself while Winner’s still having almost all their natural hair color is symbolism for them being way more true to themself. But that’s for another day to explore.

I tried to interpret Winner’s shape as being kind of like fuzzy fleece on their jacket and I tried to make this work so bad but I really shouldn’t have. I was just all over the place with the colors too.

After design a bunch of the other characters and finding and discovering new ways i like drawing i quickly figured out why I was hating Winner so badly.

It was everything 😭

So after actually after researching 80s fashion instead of half assing it to make it obvious. I drew up these two concepts.

My first realization was “Wow that fleece is ugly as shit.” So I realized I had to stop trying making the fleece work, kudos to anyone who can. But away from the negatives, I really did love the big black Jacket and the legwarmers (I am a sucker for leg warmers so once I put them in them, it was over for me) Something about the headband also struck me because previously I out a strict “no head accessories rule” but honestly? It really just had to be not sunglasses so the headband stayed.

With some color rework and some help from my qpp (Shout out to her, she doesn’t use social media.) We were finally able to get the current design shown!

I guess if I learned anything from this, people should make gijinkas also based off people they know and see in day to day life. Some of my favorite gijinkas are based off people I know. Like Match being an Afro-Chilean Jew is because my friend who actually introduced me to BFDI was a huge match fan, and an Afro-Chilean Jew so I was inspired to make Match look almost identical to them. With Winner I pulled inspiration from alot of popular Black celebrities in the 80s and Chile again because of said friend 80s.

Thanks for reading this whole kuffuffle here’s some bonus doodles!

Yes Winner is going to crush Loser and Clock, stop them.

The last winclock one may or may not be a reference to something.

Now who’s next? Honestly just whoever people want a ref of next, I think I’m a little burnt out from doing now 59 characters and drafting more currently I think I need a break. Although I’m definitely gonna redesign Clock’s outfit, I’m really starting to dislike it. Until next time bye bye!!

[okashiras]

wrote a long-ass embarrassing semi-incoherent draft that i’m just gonna summarize for everyone’s (mostly my own) sake. 

this is the first season where the writing didn’t have an intent to make us root against steve as nancy’s love interest. 

season 1: the last scene with steve begins with a shot of the ever useless ted wheeler dozing on a couch then the camera pans to reveal steve waiting on the other couch for nancy, with the intent of making them mirror each other (which doesn’t even make sense but anyway). and nancy staying with him reinforces what is repeatedly said about her in s1 (and 2? idr) about her need to retreat to safety, and the audience is expected to groan at this and to stay tuned for the next part of the story where she can finally get with the other guy.

season 2: rushed (and badly written and much debated in fandom) breakup. the writing made steve call himself a “pretty shitty boyfriend” so nancy can finally get with jonathan. he gives one last lingering look at nancy -- probably regret, probably longing, probably moving on. maybe we’ll pick this storyline up again. who knows! we don’t really know what to do with steve anymore so we’re just putting him in these side storylines. what do you mean he got popular?

season 3: steve loser era! working minimum wage and couldn’t get chicks. also said he didn’t love nancy anymore, so that’s over! but the new girl he finds himself liking turns out to be gay so who knows! we didn’t really mean for him to get this far. that’s why he’s in these little side quests. we can’t really make him interact with nancy because how will that even go down? wait, he got even more popular? even with the ridiculous outfit? anyway, jonathan/nancy is a great partnership, right? a relationship built on “shared trauma” is good and not weird.

season 4: steve has finally beat the loser allegation and is ready for love now. nancy pretends to be fine but is having relationship troubles. they team up and the sparks are still there. a few important characters hint that maybe they should get back together. moreover, eddie tells steve he is a good guy, that dustin thinks he’s a badass, and that nancy loves him. 

coming into s4, i’ve posted about my suspicion that the writers have been doing retcons and course corrections in order to set up the final season. and that includes cutting their losses and refocusing on what actually works in the series. and because steve is arguably the breakout character of the show, it seems to me like they finally allowed steve to take his place as a central part of the story. that entails tackling his original tie to the story in the first place: nancy. which means the writers had to take his feelings for nancy seriously this time. 

i think the resistance to make steve a proper contender for love interest is that the duffers did not even intend to keep him alive past season 1. (sidebar: i remember in beyond stranger things, when the cast members were saying which ship they’re rooting for, millie bobby brown said “stancy, all the way” then i think one of the brothers replied “bold”?? lol!) but this interview also suggests they’re open to allowing the story evolve as informed by the characters’ journey, etc. i think it’s very telling that they mentioned steve as the perfect example here and even called him a “lead” in season 4, supporting what i said about them maybe taking steve more seriously this season lol.

there are definitely pros and cons to sticking to an original vision vs adapting according to what’s happening in the story. but i’m not here to let myself get bothered about that!! i’m just here to sit like a hunched little gargoyle and eat my meal!!!! 🖕😜🖕

[jimothystu]

hii!

how are you?

I saw you posts about the blue jays, and as someone trying to get into baseball, can you like maybe give me a rundown of how the league works and maybe an overview of the blue jays since thats the team Im probably gonna be rooting for? I'm trying to get into it but im completely new to the sport and im honestly a little overwhelmed.

p.s I love your blog!

-🦫

hiii! i'm decent!! i hope you are too :)

omg okay, i only got into baseball a couple of seasons ago, so i don't know like every tiny detail, but here's a little overview! i'm a little honoured you asked me kjnskdjnsda

i'm assuming you know more or less how a game of baseball is played, but if not lmk!

so. mlb first.

the teams are divided between east, central, and west. within each of those there is also the american league and the national league.

AL east: Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees, Tampa Bay Rays, Toronto Blue Jays

AL central: Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Guardians (formerly the Indians but pretty much only old people still call them that), Detroit Tigers, Kansas City Royals, Minnesota Twins

AL west: Houston Astros, LA Angels, Oakland Athletics, Seattle Mariners, Texas Rangers

NL east: Atlanta Braves, Miami Marlins, New York Mets, Philadelphia Phillies, Washington Nationals

NL central: Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati Reds, Milwaukee Brewers, Pittsburgh Pirates, St. Louis Cardinals

NL west: Arizona Diamondbacks, Colorado Rockies, LA Dodgers, San Diego Padres, San Francisco Giants

In the NL, pitchers used to have to bat as well as hit, whereas in the AL there was a designated hitter (DH) who was not in the field, but rather stayed on the bench until it was their turn in the lineup to bat (instead of the pitcher). This rule changed last season I believe, and pitchers are no longer required to bat in the NL, but they can still do so if they want (see Shohei Ohtani, an incredible pitcher and batter). Pretty sure that's the only major difference. The AL and NL distinction is used during the All Star Games where the best (objectively) players from across the league play a game: AL versus NL.

It used to be that teams played their division rivals more than other teams, but the MLB has a new schedule this year that is trying to make it so each team plays division rivals less and interleague teams more (e.g., instead of playing other AL east teams a million times, the Blue Jays will play more NL teams). This is to try and make things a bit more even in terms of who plays whom, and also will allow fans to hopefully see their favourite teams more regularly.

For baseball, unlike in, say hockey where there's just single games against teams at a time, MLB baseball has series, in which two teams play anywhere from 2-4 games back to back. There are winners and losers of each game, of course, but there's also the winner and loser of the series. Series that have 2 or 4 games can have a tie, though.

Like other professional sports, there is a final playoff stint for MLB. It happens in the fall. This site has a good rundown of the playoff format!

And here's a list of over 150 basbeall terms/phrases!

Onto the Blue Jays:

So, the jays are Canada's only MLB team and as a result they pretty much have an entire country backing them. They are very vocal and proud of this fact, and take pride in representing a whole country. So that's always nice!

There are some favourites on the team, especially on tumblr lol. These include:

Vladimir Guerrero Jr.

1st baseman

Number 27

23 years old (24 on march 16)

One of the most talked about players

Great offense and defense

Born in Montreal but grew up in the Dominican

English isn't fluent, so he does interviews and stuff in Spanish via an interpreter

Father was an player (Vlad Sr)

Bo Bichette

Shortstop

Number 11

Turning 25 tomorrow!! (March 3)

Headbands

Florida man

Huge Justin Bieber fan

Father was in the MLB (Dante Bichette)

George Springer

Out fielder

33 years old

Number 4

Dad of the group but knows how to have fun

Is an actual dad

American

Was on the Astros during a cheating scandal and as such some fans of other teams bring that up a lot

Alek Manoah

Starting pitcher

Number 6

25 years old

American

Had an incredible debut against the Yankees in 2021

Tol

Intense on the mound but chaotic middle child energy off the mound

Matt Chapman

Best 3rd baseman in the league (in my humble opinion)

Number 26

29 years old

American

Egg (i.e. half the time he shaves his head)

SUCH a babygirl

Just so soft

Santiago Espinal

2nd baseman, but can also play shortstop if need be

Number 5

28 years old

American

Short king (5'10)

Besties with Bo

Pretty loose and fun in the dugout

Cavan Biggio

Utility player. I.e., can play multiple positions (third base, second base, and right field)

Number 8

27 years old

American

Besties boyfriends with Bo

Father was also in the MLB (Craig Biggio)

Danny Jansen

Catcher

Number 9

27 years old

American

Just had a baby!! (well his wife did)

Nickname is Jano

Sometimes also in the egg carton

Alejendro Kirk

Catcher

Number 30

24 years old

Mexican

Interviews in Spanish via interpreter

Shortest King (5'8")

People always say he's "not built like a catcher/athlete" (he's short and stocky and people are judgey)

Wife just had a baby!

Called Captain Kirk (after Star Trek)

Jose Berrios

Starting pitcher

Number 17

28 years old

From Puerto Rico

Constantly chewing on mouth guard

Adam Cimber

Relief pitcher (pitches in an inning or two after the starter has been taken out)

Number 90

32 years old

American

Super cool side-arm throw and a pretty glove

Cool tattoos

Mullet man

Jordan Romano

Closing pitcher, meaning he almost exclusively pitches in the last inning of play

Number 68

Local boy!! From Markham, Ontario. One of the few Canadian players on the team

Either has full caveman beard or babyface

Kinda lowkey always looks high

Tol and built like a twig

Kevin Gausman

Starting pitcher

Number 34

32 years old

American

Rocks a lot before he pitches (at risk of balking)

Whit Merrifield

Second baseman or outfielder

Number 15

34 years old

American

Came to the Jays last year and was a little controversial bc of uhhh vaccine stuff but it's chill now (i think)

Kinda just a Dude

Kevin Kiermaier

Outfielder

Number 39

32 years old

Huge uproar when he was signed this off season because of a stolen data card that Kirk dropped (read about it here if you want)

But is doing well in spring training so far so he's slowly being forgiven by the fans

This is not every player at all. If there are any that I didn't put and you wanna ask about, go ahead! I just did not want this post to be fucking massive, and I feel bad for taking so long as it is.

But yeah, I hope this helped somewhat! Again, I am still kinda new to baseball myself and do not know everything, but I'm always happy to help teach others about the Jays :D

[scoups4lyfe]

hey scoups... I'd like to ask.. other than Ikki, (and maybe George) is anyone else aware of Ikki's ultimate fate of being forgotten? (wait, is George even aware of Ikki's fate aside from disappearing in pictures?)

As far as I’m aware (up to episode 33, maybe I’ll REBLOG this with updates as I catch up.)

The only people that have even noticed Ikki’s photo disappearance are: Vice (the cause), Ikki (sacrifice central), and George (manipulative bastard)

I think out of everyone — the only family member with the slightest chance of noticing Ikki’s deletion-of-self would be Daiji — but uuuh lol

I’m gonna be under the assumption that Daiji will be too self-involved to be aware of what’s going on until it’s too late.

(And seeing as we’re entering Daiji’s Go-Stupid-Go-Crazy Arc — Haha we love a good pathetic!loser Arc let’s goooooo)

I highly doubt Daiji is going to notice.

Sakura still in a way sees Ikki like a Superman figure, I don’t think she knows a single lick about his insecurities and traumas so she 100% does not know what is happening and most likely won’t until it becomes so explicitly obvious — like Ikki forgetting her name or something.

And his parents?

Oh, they mean well <33. But they don’t know sh*t about Ikki.

They’re used to the other kids having problems — not Ikki.

I’m always reminded of episode 8 and episode 12.

At the end of episode 8 — the absolute insanity of asking Ikki to save Daiji RIGHT after Daiji beat the sh*t out of him and tried to kill him still boggles my mind.

Tbh I don’t think they would ask this from him if they understood how much pain and anxiety and hurt it put him through.

I was talking with my friend Nacho about this not too long ago, but they messaged the chat saying they got a closer look into Ikki's parents mentality. (As Nacho and Ikki are very, very, similar.)

Here's their personal reference:

Nacho: (basically had walked too much and got blisters/sore feet)

“--Anyways we had been at the airport for hours already — but it wasn’t until the last hour that my dad was like:

‘Oh? Does your foot still hurt?”

“If I had ever complained my parents would’ve fallen over themselves to help me. But I never do, and even when somebody else brings it up, I always deny it and downplay it, and have been doing it my whole life.”

[End personal reference quotes lol]

So I put in my friend’s personal reference to show just how Ikki and his parents are in relation to each other.

Yeah — obviously different people, different lives. But the foundation is the same.

Ikki’s parents aren’t able to read his micro expressions. They never learned how, and since he hid how he really felt because he had the be the one capable enough to protect the family and raise his siblings.

(He couldn’t let himself be a burden.)

This is why the end of episode 8 and why just episode 12 in generaal really GOT me. There’s no better proof that Ikki’s parents don’t know how to read Ikki’s expressions than the episode 12 dinner conversation.

I screenshot and bring it up often and I won’t be stopping now

The episode 11 lunch scene has GOT my a$$.

Even injured his parents don’t realize that Ikki is really hurt and anxious. Dude is not eating! Not acting how he usually does!!

!!!!!

And it’s still wild to me that they aren't able to pick up on this--

Ugh breaks my heart every time I watch the scene LOL. My DUDE :((.

"(wait, is George even aware of Ikki's fate aside from disappearing in pictures?)"

Hmmm. I don't know how the narrative is placing this--

But I'm assuming George knows exactly what is going on.

We've seen (legit the first 13 episode are a good example of this) just how perceptive George can be. It didn't take him long to find Daiji suspicious, and it also didn't take him long to figure out Daiji had split into a different personality.

Then he manipulated Hiromi -- Knowing exactly what Hiromi would do-- because George needs to be that perceptive.

Which is why I can't help but wonder just what his game is here

like??

What reason does he have for not telling anyone? Hm??? Really suspicious. Makes me wonder just how much of an "ally" he really is.

[the-firebird69]

And you see the reaction you're a bunch of turds that free stuff for what we're getting rid of people for you're abnormally stupid

I gave him the green light on filing with Morgan & Morgan for Dr landrigan. And do that because you would want to open a second case in his name I'm trying to say all the other cases are null and void and I do that because all we're doing now is taking a buildings like our son said we would anyways and relocating them and using the land for what we want so lost it's already been settled they say they're null and void it doesn't matter it will reopen them. We fully intend to that's the methodology that you're searching for I can't figure it out you're like little kids this is the answer all your avoiding it will use it against you and he has a case against landrigan that's very good and it said fairly well there's another name of the valve but there's like a muscle and valve there it opens and closes Titans and loosens and he went and loosened it and gaped it so what he was going to say. And now Andrew getting getting it and his idiots AKA Trump and we hate that guy he's such a f****** loser why the hell would you do that everyone's watching you it was right there when you're doing the varicose vein. It is stupid too you admit to doing stuff and gets you killed you keep doing it over and over cuz you're a dumb person your forces are down I understand no you will.

Overnight your people lost every battle with every single base that they're attacking Trump. And you're the leader of the poor boys and it's been confirmed and you're going down the river today is going to be a very bad day for you people haven't planned out so go after you. You lost about 2 billion septillion going after the bases that's a lot but you lost about 4 billion septillion in the Midwest and about another 4 billion septillion another Central areas and you're sending more in moron and to attack the large base and he says my kids are on there Trump what gets here you f** you have a s***** act and important but we put bohemith there and castles. Hera ads and she's smiling cuz she says this place is a lawsuit it didn't tell me it says I got this Mercedes here from it you can't ride in it and touch it it's all used and greasy and gross from landrigan worn out too lol. No he's nice to her cuz I'll buy you a new one with this one she gets in the driver's seat he's riding in the passenger seat now it's going to have to have a detailed a few times she says no I like it like this is essence is still on it cuz it stinks is essence stinks that's an oil it's Grease is from him eating fast food or something. So that was those two and she's kind of into it because she's occasion and doesn't have to actually touch it where is he a Savage fumigated and he has to have it cleaned many times probably put new interior in it and he'll end up selling it without touching anything do is not want to touch anything that you've been touching. So you're adding to the force in the Midwest tons of armament and it says yours doesn't match up cuz you're a queer just going after Max yes to get into a base he says this is a smiling good for you if you get two tonic fat faggy f** mega fag.... He's doing too my thing a massive offense on one of Max basins to get special. So he's doing that and he's trying to get the designs for will and bill. And it won't pay will and Bill but that's the stipulation and Max are going to help enforce it. And they say they're seeking it hard it says go seek it elsewhere we're just going to take your stuff when they kill you when you're seeking it hard how about that so it's after nobody wants to give it to him he's learning about 4 billion septillion in and they're moving out now is loading 4 billion septillion more trumpsters in and he's going to be out of people fairly soon cookie whent all night long, you lost about 12 billion septillion and he's getting ready to pour more in

I can't think of a better way to get rid of he says he can they're giving away stuff at the store but we don't want the reputation he says there's a huge line of people in the stores all the time cuz he doesn't right it does do it correctly yes tons of people and nobody sells it after it's like a talisman or something huge numbers of people are going to our stores and shops auto dealers motorcycles dirt bikes huge huge orders being placd huge

So if the lawsuit ever opened it's Morgan and Morgan or other and they try to revamp and say all your lawsuits are done with void because he's using us as a lawyer and you're not as lawyer will turn around and say it's already been settled most of them out of court and we have their buildings right over there and sold equipment and can show them the money. Then they say they'll persist and say what for and say we want to sue them so what we say is okay but we sue them already I'll say about you weren't really representing him. Truth is it going to represent you and win and will give you only a small portion of the proceeds cuz theyre a bunch of jerks. And that's what the more like do so if you want 10 million dollars it's in court and they give you like 1 million and you'd have to take it because they're not going to be anything else and you're saying that's not really true cuz I can go to the court and what we say is you're actually right about something has the ability to go to court

And you think you're right and I know you're wrong and it can make you pay him so good.

Bitol and Goddess Wife

Very huge attitude because he's....

A cork

Held by Max who's bases you can't even reach anywhere out here getting rid of you too

Zues Hera

No that's not it is it was more like...

A cork

They're defending me as if I was their own it's easier cuz I'm not really

Zues Hera

Well we put it this way and you're saying it that way it's two different things and one is reality so we're not taking the case.

Cork

So says you and you're not the lawyer

Zues Hera

right about something most of us have a Jupiter shoulder against you

Cork

So what

Zues Hera

We can't stand it for so mean we should be listened to and nobody does he says he gets out the gear and just falls through us cuz we got big mouths and we're doing it now so I brought the other house on us for no reason just to say stuff but we wanted to say it okay they're beating me up I'm down he says

And that's how it goes with these idiots they're not smart they're not a great performer don't do things right they get themselves hit a lot a lot right now they're trying to pour into Florida and everything stopped it's around 10 billion septillion an hour that is a huge number it's bigger than all of the attempted assaults in all of the middle areas all night long it is a huge number there's nowhere near enough room for that many people we grab them and we tossed them into the kju and it's over that is a giant number overnight it was about 80 billion septillion attempted to get here and again in a useless craps like that last talking idiot was that's useless s*** are you a carpenter electrician factory worker corral people get people to do things I mean no most of them are pieces of nothing 99% of their leadership is crap is it it'll sit there and yelling screaming her son and we want this and we're the leaders and somebody say no and they lose their role and it causes in fighting it's easy as heck it's just a ton of them. The lawyer may take the case to shelter themselves from this massive onslaught of idiot there's way too many coming in here we get rid of most of them and then a bunch of come in at that rate though they're going to be spent today only the last we hear from morlock we keep on trying they'll be all gone. Globally there's probably only a hundred billion septillion left if that I'm informed that half of that are left and that would be gone in half the day if they keep doing it right now about 20 billion septillion there for me up and their wrecking their ships it's going to be no ships at all on other side cuz these weird people out right now and feeding the case wherever they are they're called the ocean shore we grab them that's way too many of these idiots

Here's another thing for you to think about you putts Trump was maybe why you're doing what you're doing cuz you think that you're in charge of a lot of s*** he can't have any people on the surface of the planet, that is Tommy f because if it stops this rotation it will lose a certain amount of gravity and atmosphere and people simply die from that and it will cause too much chaos instantaneously and this facility would probably be ruined and preached and we'll try to go down. And it's Tommy f not you you're the idiot who want to go down oh you are an idiot yeah you are.

[bookshelfdreams]

Hi, what are your thoughts about all these fine people drinking when they are separated from those they care about? For me it's sad on a level I can't quite grasp but seems to be connected to how I felt during the past two years (even though I only drink when I have company).

hi! haha, i didn't think anyone would actually take me up on this, thank you <3 Original post by @amuseoffyre here

Throughout the show, alcohol is used as a shorthand for loneliness. Of course there's social drinking; but if a character over-indulges, it's usually to show they feel isolated and fail to make connections.

The very first person we ever see drunk is, iirc, Mary in ep4, which is an interesting choice considering this is a show about pirates.

We only see her take a few sips, but when she speaks and stands up it's pretty obvious that she's rather tipsy. This is of course a comedy stereotype (day-drinking wine mom lol) but it's not played for laughs. She's sitting at a table with Stede but they're not enjoying a glass of wine together; she's drinking because she's frustrated and isolated in her marriage (she and Stede can't communicate etc etc).

The other, noticeably drunk person is, of course Calico Jack, who I don't thing we ever see sober (only hungover). When he first appears he can barely stand straight, and it only gets vaguely better; he is always drinking. Even at breakfast.

Now the interesting thing is here, while that could technically qualify as social drinking - neither Jack nor Ed drink alone! - it's still in line with my thesis. watch me make this work

If this show has a central theme, I would say it is the discovery and acceptance of the authentic self. It is about playing roles and conforming to expectations; and how, to achive happiness, you have to break through that. Only once you find, accept and love yourself can you build the life you truly want.

And alcohol is an obstacle to that, quite literally. It lowers inhibitions; it makes you do dumb shit; it changes how you behave and how you are perceived. Calico Jack is unable to function without it; his true, authentic self is buried under alcoholism at all times. As this really smart meta said, he may be fun at parties but you don't want to be there for the hangover.

Jack is completely hidden behind the pirate persona. Overindulging in drink is a shorthand for this lifestyle, and by drawing Ed into that he's drawing him away from the people who genuinely care about him. But he's not offering a genuine connection in return; he says it himself.

"Pirates don't have friends. We're all just in various stages of fucking each other over."

The image, the persona is what's important. Ed may have built relationships with people who care for him, but none of them are fearsome, badass pirates. They're losers and nerds, and they don't make him look cool, and are thus worthless (or that's what Jack desperately needs Ed to believe).

Something similar happens with Stede at Mary's art show in ep10, when all those men buy him drinks and want him to tell stories. Again, there's the overindulgence: look at all those mugs on the table.

For reference, this is what the table looks like when they invite Stede over:

And then this exchange happens. Someone: "And what's Blackbeard like?" Stede: "He's absolutely lovely."

"Oh, and of course, a bloodthirsty killer!"

They, too, don't care about the real Edward Teach, they care about the badass pirate Blackbeard. They don't care about Stede's real experience, they care about the story they want him to be for them. This time, the persona is projected onto the person from outside, instead of built up and maintained by the person themselves, but the message is still the same:

To conform to expectations is to be isolated.

To not be your true, authentic self is to be isolated.

To be your true, authentic self, however, can be hard, and scary, and painful. The persona is there for a reason; it lets you hide and deny all your insecurities and vulnerabilities. It lets you forget that you long to be loved. It protects you from the worst pain of all: rejection.

Alcohol is just another crutch to hide your true, authentic, messy and uncool self. The self you have to expose to get people to connect with you, even at the risk of rejection.

This is why it makes me sad that the sweet lads take refuge in alcohol when they're seperated from the people they care about :(

[nagito-kissmaeda]

I really don't know if requests are open so I'm sorry if I didn't noticed they're closed 💔 However if they are open could you please write Nagito with female s/o that lost bet to Hiyoko and running around island in maid dress?

ミ☆ Sorry this took me so long! Also it got very nasty and i hope that is okay lol. I can’t help myself when it comes to Nagito. Word count: 2024 Contains: NSFW, fem reader, they/them pronouns, explict sexual content, voyeurism ミ☆ Please send me a DM or an ask if you’d like me to write something for you!

This is humiliating. 

The Jabberwock island sun is burning down hot as always, you can feel the skin of your bare arms already starting to burn and your legs are getting sweaty under the thick thigh high socks. This outfit was not designed for this weather, but clearly Hiyoko Saionji cared very little about that fact.

She is walking beside you, snickering behind a hand. The six inch heels she has forced you into makes her seem even shorter than usual.

You sigh, “How much longer?”

“I told you! One whole lap of the islands!” She taps a finger to her chin, feigning thoughtfulness, “We’re about...halfway done.”

You huff and cross your arms. You don't usually wear heels, your feet are already starting to ache, and the unpaved path on central island makes it even harder for you to walk, “Can I at least take the shoes off?”

Saionji scoffs, “Uh, obviously not. The heels are essential. You think i'm just gonna let you run around in sneakers? What would even be the fucking point?”

“Yeah, yeah, Okay. I get it.” 

To be fair, this was all your fault. After waking up from the Neo World Program, you and the rest of your classmates found that the island was a mess and had spent the past few months slowly making it livable. It must have been rotten luck that got you paired with Saionji to clean out the back room in the diner on the second island. Apparently the waitresses who worked there before the island was abandoned used to wear sexy maid costumes, and there happened to be one in your size. Saionji had said something about a bet, that if you were game enough to walk around in the maid costume, she would take on your cleaning duties for the next three days. It was a bad idea, you really should have said no.

There's a gust of wind and your short skirt flutters around your thighs. You clench your jaw and try your best to keep your panties from showing. Saionji laughs again. 

“Remember when we bumped into Hanamura earlier and he said that he thought you looked-”

“Shut up, Saionji.” You hiss, walking a little faster as you cross the bridge over to the first island, “Withstanding your ridicule was not part of the deal.”

“Yeah, but it wasn't not not part of the deal.” She sticks her tongue out. 

The heels are so loud on the wooden slats of the bridge, and it takes a decent amount of effort to stop yourself from getting stuck in one of the gaps and tripping. You can tell Saionji thinks it is very funny how hard you need to focus on your own feet. 

“Okay.” She says as you step out onto the island, “One loop here, and then back to the second island. You might actually manage it if you dont trip and break a leg on the way back,”

You shoot her a glare, “Was that a threat?”

She shrugs, “Just saying you should watch where you walk” She playfully taps your shin with the side of her foot, you manage not to stumble, but it was still a dirty move. 

Before you are able to call her out for her nasty trick, Saionji laughs again and nods her head in the direction of the cabins. You’ve just made your way in through the front gate, and are about to head down to the restaurant, “Look who was lucky enough to leave his cottage right as were walking past.”

Saionji’s intonation on the word lucky makes your stomach twist and turn. You’re too afraid to follow her line of sight, swallowing nervously and looking down at the ground, “Hey, uh, i think I’m calling it here. You win.”

You move to walk away, buy Saionji grabs you by the wrist, “What are you chickening out for? I didn't realise you were such a loser.”

“Saionji” You warn, glaring down at her, “You better let me go or else i will-”

“Ah, hello!” Komaeda interrupts. You freeze, heart racing at the sound of his voice. This is literally the worst thing that could have possibly happened. Your cheeks are burning “How lucky it is that I get to see the both of...ah…” His voice slowly trails off as he notices what you are wearing. It's with a newfound desperation that you struggle to escape Saionji’s grip, but she holds fast. 

“Hey, Weirdo.” Saionji jeers, her hand still tight around your wrist, “Do you like this cute outfit I found?”

“Oh...I...uh…” 

You let your eyes slip up to his face. Komaeda has his hair up in a ponytail and his cheeks are burning red as he stares down at the length of bare thigh peeking out from the top of your stockings. You can hear the sound of your heart beating in your ears.

You like Komaeda. As in, you really like Komaeda. 

Seeing him getting all flustered is doing strange things to your stomach, but you are still frozen with embarrassment. 

“I think he likes it~” Saionji taunts, smirking up at you. 

His eyes are combing over you, his lower lip pulled in between his teeth. There's warmth between your thighs, your fingernails are digging into your palms. You barely even notice as you start getting bolder, gently brushing the hemline of your skirt with your hand, tugging it a little further up your thigh. Komaeda’s throat bobs. 

“Did...did Saionji make you do this?” He asks.

You nod, still feeling too overwhelmed to actually say anything. He must see the way you are looking at him, the way his blush runs all the way down to his collarbones, the way you want desperately to see more of his skin. His eyes meet yours questioning, but hungry. 

“You look…” he heaves a shaky breath, eyes quickly flitting over to Saionji  like he is trying to remind himself that she is still there, “...good.”

You grip onto the fabric of your skirt to stop your hands from shaking, “Thank you. Um-” you look down at your toes for a moment,  “Hanamura got kind of weird about it, but i'm uh…” you look back up at Komaeda, his eyes are perfect and green, “I’m glad that you like it…”

He’s just staring at you now, and you hope that he understands the meaning of your words. That maybe this whole embarrassing ordeal is worth it if he finds you attractive. You want him so badly, you want him to want you so badly. The way his eyes roam over your body makes you quiver with something. Nerves? Excitement? 

“What the fuck is happening right now?”

You and Komaeda are suddenly pulled from a trance and forced to look back down at Saionji. She’s staring up at you with a mix of horror and confusion.

You feel a bolt of arousal shoot down to your center when Komaeda turns to her and says, “Would you mind leaving us alone, Saionji-san?”

Saionji blinks, “Huh? We’ve still got to walk all the way back to the second island or they lose the bet! I'm not going anywhere in case she cheats!”

“Bet’s off.” You say, pulling your wrist from her grasp and taking a step closer to Komaeda. God, even with the heels on he is still taller than you, “You should really go.”

Saionji barks a laugh, “Fine, but you better not complain when you have cleaning duty all next week.” 

He is very subtle about it, but you feel the cool touch of Komaeda’s fingers on your bare thigh, he stares at Saionji over your shoulder and is much less polite when he says, “Saionji, leave.” 

You don't turn around, but you hear the sound of sandals clattering on wood as she dashes out of the hotel area. The second she is out of view, Komaeda grabs you by the shoulders and pins you up against the wall of the closet cottage (Souda’s? It really doesn't matter) breathing so heavily that you can see his shoulders shaking.

“I’m...I’m so sorry...I” He back pedals, letting his arms fall to the sides, “I don't know what came over me, I'm such garbage i-”

Fuck it, you think. Grabbing the front of his coat and tugging his lips up against yours. It takes him a moment to recognise what is even happening, but the second he does, his large hands grab tight on either side of your waist and he kisses you back in a fervor. You can feel him moan against your lips, and it’s too much for you. So you spin him around until he is the one with his back up against the wall, jamming your knee in between his legs and shoving one hand up under his shirt. His skin is smooth, you can feel his ribs under your fingers. He whimpers under your lips when your tongue enters his mouth, tangling with his, and one of his hands creeps down to the short hemline of your skirt, slipping his fingers up underneath. You hear him choke on a moan when he finds that your stockings are being held up by a garter-belt. 

“You’re killing me.” He hisses against your mouth. 

You lift up the knee between his legs and grind it against his crotch. He makes the cutest little noise, hips wriggling against the pressure of your knee until he is basically fucking himself on it. You moan at the sight of him, cheeks red, hair mussed, writhing against you desperately. 

“That’s a good boy.” You whisper in his ear, pressing a kiss to the side of his throat, “Does that feel nice?”

“Hng-I….I…” he throws his head backward until it collides with the wall, “What about..ahhAH...what about you?”

Watching him like this is getting you wet enough as it is, you smirk and suck gently on his pulse point, “What about me? I want to watch you cum, sweetheart. That’s what i want.”

His green eyes are blown wide when they meet yours, he swallows, “Out….outside?”

“Yeah, baby.” You press your knee up even harder and relish in the choked sound he makes, “Right here.” 

You aren't sure what it is about the maid costume that gives you this confidence, but you feel powerful. Watching Komaeda moan and drool as he grinds furiously against your stocking-clad knee is only making you feel sexier. 

The hand you have under his shirt sneaks upward even further, he squeaks when you rub one of his nipples between your thumb and forefinger, “You think you can cum for me, sweetheart?”

He nods furiously, hips quivering as you continue biting and sucking your way down his throat and over his shoulder. You can feel him growing more desperate, you can feel his pressing his throbbing cock harder and harder against the unyielding pressure of your knee. His mouth is hung open, drool is dripping down his chin and he is flushed all the way down to his chest. You moan just from the mere sight of him, your sex clenching with desire, but that would have to wait. You wanted to watch him come undone.

“I…I’m” he whines, writhing and panting against you, “I’m so close…”

“You’re going to cum?”

Komaeda makes a noise of affirmation, but it mostly just sounds like a moan. You grin and push your knee up even higher, leaning in to lick up the shell of his ear.

“Go on, then.” You whisper, “Cum for me, pretty boy,”

A moan rips through him. So loud that anyone nearby must have heard it. His hips quiver and shake against you, grinding and wriggling and then finally coming to a stop. He looks godlike, his hair fucked five ways to hell and his eyes glazed over with arousal. A shaky giggle escapes his mouth, and then he licks his lips. 

“Okay. Your turn”

You don't resist when he grabs you by the hand and pulls you to his cottage. Maybe Saionji actually helped you out for once, even if she didn't mean it. 

[mcbenson25]

Late Night Fights (Barba X Reader)

Note: I'm really bad at summaries so bear with me lol

Summary: Barba has fight with reader and regrets it and tries to drown down his regret with drinks.

----------------------------------------------------

Barba didn't know what to do. After his fight with you, he just needed to get away from all of this. As he walked down the street he thought of you. He wasn't sure why he thought of you. Lately, everything he thought was about you. Maybe it was your smile. Or maybe it was the way you laughed. Or the way you had confidence in every case. Your stubbornness in getting what you thought was best. The way you seemed to stand five feet taller when you were serious. It may even be your e/c eyes that said everything without you having to talk. The way they sparkled and glowed when you were happy. He smiled at himself thinking of you. You were beautiful. Barba shook his head. "I don't deserve her," He thought, "And after tonight she'll probably never come back". Sighing at his thoughts he kept walking down 63rd street until he suddenly stopped in front of a bar. He knew he shouldn't go in but something inside him urged him to go in. Finally, he opened the door and let himself in.

------------------------------------------------    "Bullseye!" Barba exclaimed as he took another swig from his scotch. He was playing darts with the men there betting on who would win and the loser would have to pay their stub.    "Impossible! That's the 3rd one in a row!" One of the men, Bill said.     Barba smiled proudly before saying, "Pay up".    Bill, mad that he had lost, reluctantly gave Barba the cash to pay his drinks.    As Barba got up to get another drink he saw it was no longer light outside. He looked at his watch but was too drunk to tell the time so instead pulled out his phone to look at the time. It was 12:30 pm. He had been at the bar for 6 hours. He needed to get home before he ended up spending the night there. He went towards the counter and called over the bartender.     "Here's my pay," He said tiredly. The bartender took the money and went on his way. Barba knew he should take a cab but it would be a bit hard to find at wee hours of the morning. "Y/n", he thought as he pulled out his phone and called you.     "Hullo?" A tired voice asked.     "Hey, could you come and pick me up at that one bar on 63rd street?" He asked her.      "Barba? What the heck are you...," your voice trailed off for a moment before you said," I'll be there in five minutes," And then hung up. Rafael knew you would get mad at him but that didn't concern him at the time. He sat outside the bar on a bench waiting for you to come. Soon enough after about 5 minutes, a silver Nissan Rogue pulled up in front of him. You saw Barba sitting at the bench and helped him walk to the car. He could hardly stand on his own let alone walk. He was more wasted than anything else in the world. As you both continued your walk to the car Barba all of a sudden put a hand over his mouth. You stepped away from him as he vomited over the street. You both then tied again to walk to the car. Once he was in the car you asked him," Where do you live so I can drop you off?"     Barba stared at you for a moment trying to remember this one simple thing but it was useless trying when he was drunk.     "I don't remember," He said with a hiccup," take me with you". You find Barba's comment amusing and laugh."Very funny Barba but you're drunk"     Rafael was quiet for a moment before saying," I really don't remember Y/n".   You, seeing he wasn't lying, sighed before starting the car and drove towards your apartment on Central Boulevard.     When they got there you helped the still dazed but in better conditions Rafael Barba up to the apartment room. After you opened the door Barba "walked" himself to the couch falling on it heavily while you took off your jacket and shoes. Then you joined him on the couch.   "Rafael I know it may not be the time to discuss this with you but..." Your voice trailed off.     "What is it?" Barba asked knowing you only used his first name if it was something serious.    "After you left, the Chicago DA's office contacted me and offered me a job offer."     Barba all of a sudden becoming somewhat sober enough, asked, "To which you said no right?"     You sighed, "Rafael it's a good offer to me I'd be closer to home."     "But you do fine here and giving up your job here in Manhattan and it wouldn't be a wise decision."     "I know but lately we haven't been getting along and I just don't think it healthy for us to be by each other." You stated quietly.     "You know I didn't mean what I said earlier Y/n? I'm sorry I didn't think about what I was saying" Barba said regretting for the 50th time everything he said to you but this time with more desperation.     You nodded,"I know, but I just think this is a good opportunity that might never come back again."     Rafael looked at you analyzing the possibility of you being anywhere that wasn't with him in the Manhattan DA's office. He didn't want you to go. He wanted you to stay. But not because you was one heck of a good ADA but because he felt something towards you that you needed to know more than ever. Rafael Barba was in love with you F/n L/n. He realized it was a now or never moment and he wasn't going to let you go. You made him get up every morning and go to the office. You were the reason he gave all his effort into every case. You were the person who made him smile and forget about anything else in the world. It was all you. He put his hands on your waist and said quietly, “No Y/n you can’t go because I love you” before pressing his lips on yours. The kiss was soft and gentle. Even though Barba was drunk he knew exactly what he was doing. You pulled away looking away from him. He turned you back to face him. Your lips were trembling but it wasn't because you were scared. It was because you loved him. You loved him so much it was taking every ounce of energy not to leave and instead stay with him forever.   “Barba you should go to sleep it’s getting late,” you say your voice breaking halfway.    “Y/n” he said.    “Rafael” she said quietly.    “Please don't go. I love you more than I have loved anyone else and I will do whatever it takes to make you stay,” he said as he brought you in for another kiss. When they pulled away he saw sadness in you eyes but before he could say or do anything you got up and went to a different room and shut the door behind you. Barba’s mind felt fuzzy and light as he layed down on the couch trying to get comfortable knowing that he needed to get some sleep. But each time he tried to drift his mind went to how sad you looked when you kissed. ------------------------------------------------      

“Barba,” you said shaking him awake,” Barba! Wake up!”    “Hm?” he asks sounding tired.    “Get up it’s almost ten o'clock!” you exclaimed.    Barba sat up and stretched. “It’s Saturday.”    You looked at him for what seemed forever before he laughed at you. Your cheeks turned cherry red as you walked to the kitchen embarrassed on the matter of fact that you didn’t know what day you were living in. He followed you into the kitchen.   “It happens to everyone,” he tells you and tries to wrap his arms around from behind you but you don't let him.   “Of course it does,” you responded as you reached for the container of coffee.  “Coffee?” she asked him.   “Sure.”   “Dark or light?”   “Dark” Barba said pausing for a moment,” Are you still going to quit?”  “I um..don't know yet,” you told him dropping some off the coffee on the counter. Both you and he reached for the napkins at the same time causing your hands to brush against each other. He took your hand and look straight into your eyes using his other hand to caress your cheek.   “I love you,” he told you with so much sincerity and gentleness. You looked everywhere but at him. But you knew you loved him. He ran his hand from your cheek to your chin.   “Y/n?” he asked you. You finally looked at him knowing that you simply couldn't fight it off anymore.   "I promise I won't hurt you”, he said quietly. Both of you stared at each other’s eyes for a brief moment before he pulled you towards him and kissed you. It was amazing how one simple thing could cause so many emotions to flood. It was full of love and promise. You both kept kissing each other before Rafael lifted you up and looked at you for what seemed like forever before lightly kissing you on the top of your forehead.  “I’m in love with you F/n M/n L/n and I will do anything to keep you even if it means telling the whole office that I love you at the top of my lungs,” he told you.   You giggled at him. “ I love you too Rafael Barba and I will stay because I love you,” you said before pulling his tie making him jerk forward and placing a kiss on his lips then pushed him away. He laughed at you. You yawned showing how tired you were. You moved your head slightly so that you were facing his chest and snuggled against him. He also yawned so he made his way to your bedroom and saw that you were fast asleep in his arms. He lightly placed you on the bed careful not to wake you. Right when he was about to leave the room he heard a delicate voice from behind him   “Raf,” you said quietly, "Stay”.    He smiled at you, “Are you sure?”  “Yeah hurry up before I change my mind,” you said playfully. Rafael chuckled as he made his way to the bed and you scooted over making space for him to lay next to her. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you snuggled beside him. “I don't deserve her or having her with me now,” he thought as both of your breathings steadied at the same pace. He kissed the top of your forehead before falling into a deep sleep.

[rainythefox]

Nightfall (CH.16)

Synopsis: Pre-Resident Evil 1, slight-AU/Canon Divergence. Claire Redfield comes home to visit her  brother Chris for the holidays but gets caught up in a dangerous game of  cat and mouse with Albert Wesker, the Captain of STARS, after stumbling  upon dark secrets. She can’t call the law; Wesker is the law, and she  can’t tell Chris. She is trapped…Claire/Wesker & Slight Chris/Jill (There’s Wesker & William Bromance too lol). Rated M for smut, language, violence, adult content.

AO3 Link

Chapter 16: Mine

Warning: this chapter contains lots of smut. You’ve been warned, okay? Okay! :P Because of this, only the first section of the chapter is available on Tumblr. Please follow the link to AO3 to read the rest. Thank you! :)

Okay, she knew her luck had taken a big dump recently, but this was ridiculous! If she thought the university job was difficult, she promptly changed her mind. That was a walk in the park compared to this. Claire stared at all the people. The exquisite party was happening at the ritzy Orient Restaurant on the second floor of the most luxurious hotel in the city, Central Hotel.

There had to be close to a hundred people here! The whole restaurant was closed to cater for the invitation-only event. Why did she even assume this “Christmas Party” was going to be just a group of rich, old dudes bragging all night? With how her luck has been, she should've known better!

Claire gaped at the man beside her who was unfortunately the closest thing she had to a friend at the moment. She recalled William’s little “briefing” on the drive over here.

“The party’s not gonna be that big. Just a simple “get in, get out”. You’ll be home in no time! Actually, you’ll probably be at Al’s home in no time!”

He was still rubbing his arm where she decked him.

“This is nothing like how you explained it!” she hissed.

But the mad scientist only half-heard her, his eyes lit up as though he was a kid about to enter his very first amusement park. Something in here was on his kill list because Claire overheard he wasn’t a stranger to parties, at least not to parties like this that could get him something he wanted. 

William was actually quite handsome all cleaned up in his suit. Claire had grown accustomed to his usual disheveled appearance that made him attractive in his own way.

He grinned slyly. “Oh relax, sweetheart. You’ll be fine. Most of these people are total bores…losers just out trying to feel important. They got nothing on you!” He winked at her. “You know what to do, who to find. Ada’s on your earpiece and Al and I are here to watch your back. Don’t worry. Al _definitely _won’t let you out of his sight. Just…don’t distract him too much. I need him focused tonight.”

“Are you fu-”

“Erica!” William nearly squealed, waving both arms and abruptly abandoning her. “Is that gown designed by Broca’s aphasia? Because I’m speechless!” 

Claire glared at the fickle bastard as he ditched her to join some other people standing around talking and drinking. She was on her own for now.

“Forget about him, Claire. Just focus on getting to Bennett. Best not drag this out longer than we have to and risk exposing ourselves,” Ada said on her earpiece.

“Okay,” she mumbled, and got into character, her natural Redfield bravado and assurance making it easy to stroll through the party like she owned the place.

It was a beautiful Asian restaurant. Most of the dark tables were accented with candles and glasses. The lounge-like chairs were colorful and comfy, and the tall ceilings gave way to soft LED string lights, oriental paintings and sectioned lattices. In warmer seasons, the same kind of setup could be seen on the massive balcony, but it was currently closed off.

She felt many eyes on her as she started her objective. But she only cared about one set of eyes as she discreetly scanned the place for them.

This many people here was both a blessing and a curse for her mission, and it could go either way real quick at any time. More people meant no room for mistakes, too many eyes. But on the other hand, this many people distracted amongst themselves could make it easy to get away with nearly anything.

Claire soon found the eyes she had been seeking, felt the familiar, pleasing burn on her skin they always caused. She traced them to an area with more people, where a grand, gold statue of Lord Yama sat. Directly in front of the god of death, Wesker was encircled by a small group, mostly beautiful women, and he charmed them effortlessly.

The younger Redfield had to keep herself from staring, also charmed by his chameleon smile, good looks, and striking black suit. Her nerves tingled from simmering blood. She couldn’t believe it. She was actually jealous?! Claire was angry with herself. How could she possibly feel anything of the sort over the man that was blackmailing her?

Besides...she knew Wesker well enough by now to know that it was all pretense. She was sickened and enthralled by how easily he could deceive and influence people. Ada was right. His calculating mind, his clever tongue, those were his deadliest weapons; not his hands, not his gun.

The statue of Yama was simply a backdrop to the true god of death in the room. His admirers probably had no clue and listened intently. The women batted their eyes, pushed out their chests, even the ones who had dates. And those men did nothing about it, perhaps too enthralled themselves or maybe it was the fact that Wesker had an uncanny ability to make most men around him submissive.

He may have looked like he was paying attention to them, his eyes concealed behind black shades, but Claire knew he was watching her. All of her. Every breath, every step, he was in complete tune. Something about that lit a fire in her belly so fierce, she trembled.

The jealousy she felt instantly crumbled. It didn’t matter if those women were rich or prettier or dressed in nicer dresses. They meant nothing to him. Not like she did.

And why was that, exactly?

Claire frowned, faltering mid-step, eyes still locked on Wesker across the room when she should've been moving on. She had some suspicions, if her gut and Ada and William were anything to go by. 

More importantly, why do you care?

“Claire?! Earth to Claire, hello?”

“Huh?”

“You aren’t exactly being inconspicuous staying in one spot drooling over Albert.”

Claire’s face flushed and she briskly walked away with a huff. “I’m not drooling!”

The first place she needed to check for her target would be the bar. Typical. It was in the back of the restaurant, low-lit, a massive, semi-circled bar with a marble countertop up against an airbrushed wall depicting a dragon floating through the clouds.

“Whatever you say, hun.”

Claire bit her tongue, taking a deep breath. “I was just happy to see him chatting up other women. Less problems for me.”

Ada sighed. “Claire, fishing is beneath you. First, they aren’t his type. More importantly, Albert detests easy women.”

That wasn’t her intention. “I wasn’t-”

“Unfortunately and fortunately for you, you are his type and are as difficult as they come. I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but you’re as close to obsession as he’s going to get romantically.”

The only fortune she could come up with was that it was unlikely Wesker would kill her. But obsession through people with sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies like Wesker were never a good thing. Her life might be spared at the end of all this...but at what cost?

Claire briskly pushed that thought aside, something cold and heavy dropping in the pit of her stomach. She needed to focus on finding Bennett and getting this over with. That was her excuse. After all, she wasn’t ready to acknowledge that her own growing infatuation would likely veer her into her captor’s arms for good.

She looked around the bar area. There were all kinds of high-status people attending Bard’s Christmas party. Doctors, politicians, city officials, even Mayor Warren and Chief Irons were here.

She recognized Mueller from Raccoon University having a casual conversation with the man that had to be her target. A picture was never granted, but a detailed description allowed her to quickly analyze him. It had to be him. Tall, average build, auburn hair and an anchor beard. He chatted with Mueller with a drink in his hand.

Just as Claire stepped their way, a strong grip snatched her wrist. She was spun around, coming face-to-face with Nathaniel Bard. He looked fine since the anaphylaxis she put him through with the shrimp, but the creep wasn't happy one bit with her, still keeping a painful grip on her arm.

"I knew I'd see your face again, girl. What happened at the university is all your fault."

Claire glared at him. "You're gonna be hurting more if you don't let me go right now."

The music and all the guests chatting around them helped conceal her threat from eavesdropping ears but the Spencer Memorial doctor heard her clearly.

He considered challenging her, lips pursing, but soon let her go after his eyes scanned the numerous faces within the party. "I know you're working with those two bastards. You have no idea how much harm you’ve caused me and several of my colleagues. Lowery was a good man, understand? He had a family. And now I’m trapped doing those two psychos’ bidding.”

“Maybe you aren’t the only one who is trapped.”

“Well then there’s more to your pretty face, isn’t there? They wouldn’t risk it otherwise.”

Who the fuck did this guy think he was? Claire clenched a fist, as it took all of her willpower not to break his damn nose. She had a job to do here. If she caused a scene in the middle of this party, especially with the man hosting it, then she could kiss her freedom and potentially Chris’s life goodbye.

She did let him in on what he was narrowly missing out on by grabbing his hand and twisting it slightly, squeezing hard on a pressure point. Just enough to make it really hurt, just enough to get her point across while looking like she was just holding his hand to nearly everyone else. “If my life didn’t hinge on fulfilling this job, you’d be on the floor with a broken fucking face, do you understand me?”

“Damn, Claire. I like your style,” Ada chimed in.

The younger Redfield ignored her and smiled, showing the guests they were having a pleasant conversation. Bard hissed in pain, quickly nodding. Claire released him and he jerked his hand away, shaking it off with a grimace.

“Listen, I’ll make the job easy for you. Just...do what you need to do and get out of here. Take those assholes with you. And never show your face at one of my social events ever again.”

“I’d love to, but it’s not my call. But...I have a feeling you know exactly who you can talk to about that.”

Bard scowled, rubbing his injured hand. He muttered something under his breath and motioned her to follow him, heading towards Bennett and Mueller in the back of the bar. “C’mon, and follow my lead.”

“Ugh, he better not screw this up.”

Bard put on a welcoming smile once they reached Mueller and Bennett’s table. Mueller recognized her, but didn’t say anything. She barely got a moment’s glare from him before he flashed Bard a guarded look, as if asking “what are you up to now?” The two men stood and the doctor shook their hands.

“Mr. Bennett! I trust you are enjoying the party? What kind of host would I be if I was neglecting my honored guest?”

He looked to be in his thirties maybe. His smile was warm as he nodded. He noticed Claire nearly right away, and there was a definite reaction of some kind. Attraction, she guessed, immediate infatuation. Great…

“Oh yes,” he said in a European accent. “I am grateful to you and Greg’s hospitality. You’ve made being so far from home much more bearable.”

“Good, good! It’s a shame your business partner couldn’t join us this evening. But I’m sure he had his reasons. You two are busy men, after all!”

Bennett nodded, composed yet amiable. “That we are. I’m sorry, but I have to ask, who is this beautiful young lady you have with you?”

Bard didn’t skip a beat in his front, presenting her with a grin like she was a piece of treasure up for auction.

“I know, stunning right? This is Elza. She’s one of my...assistants.”

The European man held out his hand with a handsome, friendly smile. It could’ve fooled anyone, and it almost fooled her. But her gut constricted at the last moment, her first indication something wasn’t right about this guy.

He took her hand and kissed it softly. “It is my utmost pleasure, Miss Elza. I’m Stephan Bennett. Please, just call me Stephan.”

Claire put on the sweetest smile she could muster, batting her lashes. “The pleasure’s all mine, Stephan.”

He looked her over, and although he was an attractive man, it made her skin crawl.

“Has Greg taken you up to your suite yet?” Bard asked cordially. “I’ve left you a little treat as a thank you for choosing to stay the night in Raccoon City’s famous Central Hotel!” 

Bennett ripped his eyes from Claire and shook his head at the host. “No, sir. I got the keycard to the room earlier, but wanted to check out the party before retreating for the night.” He presented a friendly, almost sheepish smile. “Honestly, I’m still a little messed up with the time zone changes. I didn’t think it would affect me this much.”

“That’s not a problem. My assistant and I will escort you up there. There’s a little bit of business I’d like to discuss with you anyway,” Bard replied.

“What about your party?”

“Eh, they’ll entertain themselves! Greg will take care of things while I’m gone. It won’t be but a few minutes.” Bennett glanced at Claire, expression unreadable, and Bard quickly added. “My assistant is completely trustworthy, don’t worry. She knows about our research.”

Bennett nodded, relieved. “Alright, lead the way, Nathaniel.”

Claire was uncertain what to do as Mueller shook hands with Bennett and bid them good night before heading for the bar. Her job was to stick a bug on the European businessman, probably so Wesker and William could track him straight to Aaron Roth. Leaving the party just tossed her whole plan into the garbage. This just got way riskier.

Nothing like winging a mission where my life’s literally at stake. What’s the worst that can happen?

“Great,” Ada whispered in her ear, not helping Claire’s gut feeling. “Wesker’s watching and listening through your piece. He says it’s fine. Just get that bug on Bennett without him knowing.”

Was that supposed to make her feel better that Wesker said it was fine? And how exactly was he able to do that anyway? That just made her earlier conversation with Ada a lot more awkward...

With a slight tick of her jaw, Claire composed herself with a friendly smile and followed the two men out of the restaurant and into the fancy, historical hotel.

They went to the lobby, a grand room with high ceilings, bright lights, and expensive carpet and decor. The elevator ride to the fifth floor seemed extra crowded, even though there were just three of them. Bard and Bennett chatted normally about their lives and careers. Claire didn’t like the frequent glances Bennett gave her. She waited for an opportunity, stayed vigilant with that inkling sprouting in her gut.

It got worse when Ada told her she lost visual on her from their location.

Wesker’s making you do this alone because he wants to see how you do, said a small voice in the back of her head. She didn’t have proof, but she wouldn’t put it past him.

She gave vague answers when Bennett asked her something, either curious and flirting or digging and deceiving. She wasn’t exactly sure.

Bennett scanned his card and held the door open to the big, two-bedroom suite. Bard strolled right on in but Claire hesitated, not wanting to put her back to these men. When she did, she felt his eyes all over her, and when he closed the door, he purposely brushed her to get by.

They stepped into the spacious living room first, accented with a bar and impressive kitchen. There was a home theater set up in the den, opposite a wall of glass that displayed downtown Raccoon City. Dark buildings silhouetted within soft glows of lights of all colors. Speckles of white rained down softly outside.

“You meant it when you said this suite had a view,” Bennett stated, drawn to the panorama.

Bard gave her a look, dipped his head in the direction of his “guest”, as if urging her to get her business done. Claire glared at him as he turned off to the bar instead.

“Yes, I did! And over here, something just for you, Mr. Bennett. Your favorite wine. All the way from home!”

“I don’t like this. Are you okay? Cough if you are.”

“How thoughtful of you, Dr. Bard. Thank you. You’ve gone out of your way to make me feel at home here.”

Claire didn’t like it either. She looked around, keeping up her appearance as she joined the men at the bar. She didn’t see any danger, but something like it was lurking about. Whatever it was, she was fine for now.

She coughed. “Oh, excuse me.”

Bennett watched her more than Bard, but she still couldn’t read his expression. Bard took the fancy bottle out of the container of ice. “Shall we have a glass while we talk?”

“Yes. I’d like that.”

That clicked an idea in her brain. Claire put a hand on Bard’s arm, mustering up the realest fake friendly smile she could handle, looking between the two men under thick lashes. “How about you gentlemen take a seat, get comfortable? Let me serve you.”

Bennett’s smile held something darker, but it was gone in a flash. Bard looked at her funny, but composed himself and slowly put the wine down on the counter. “Of course, Elza! You’re always the sweetest thing! Come, Stephan, over here.”

“What do you have planned, exactly?” Ada asked. “Ugh, I hate going by sound alone.”

Her cohorts had lied to her, she realized. William promised Wesker wouldn’t let her out of his sight and Ada said she would watch over her. Wesker didn’t say much to her before the party, but disclosed if she did what she was told, she would be fine. She was alone here and certainly felt something other than “fine” was coming her way.

The doctor and his guest went to the lounge chairs nearby, sitting across from each other. It was the perfect way for Claire to bug Bennett without him knowing. She opened the white wine and poured their glasses, giving them time to get settled in their seats and start talking. The more distracted they were, the better. It also gave her a moment to get the tiny tracking device ready.

The younger Redfield served Bennett first. She caressed her fingers up his arm, across his shoulder, stopped at the back of his neck, squeezing his collar gently. Her flirtatious smile was enough to distract him from Bard when she handed him his drink. She didn’t remain long, crossing to Bard and giving him his drink with the same smile, the same caress that made her skin crawl. She left them and returned to the bar, gathering up the wine bottle and ice bucket and placing them on the table in between the two men.

Claire eavesdropped on their conversation, but a lot of it made no sense to her. Big research, Sheena and Rockfort Island, Roth, Ashfords, prototypes, T-series. All similar topics that Wesker and William discussed and were involved with.

“You know, it’s strange how all of our business associates keep coming up dead or missing since we’ve been in town,” Bennett said after a long sip of his wine.

Bard grew quiet, confused, his fingers clenching around his wine glass. “What…do you mean?”

The European man looked at Claire, like he knew all of her secrets, not near as charming now. “You know what happened to them...don’t you, Miss Walker? Or should I call you Miss Redfield?”

Claire stiffened, nails digging into the chair arms. She dared not blink, glaring at him, keeping calm, but reeling underneath on how to react. He knew her name. Her _real _name.

Shit!

“Shit!” Ada echoed in her ear. “Claire, don’t do anything rash. Hang in there.”

It wasn’t as though she had much of a choice. She was on her own. Bard’s alarmed face told her everything. He was just as surprised as her, but would be too much of a coward to help her.

Claire took a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened to them.”

“I think Dr. Lowery would say otherwise.”

“How do you know my real name?”

The European businessman crossed one leg casually, swishing the wine in his glass, sharp eyes on her. “All it took was a little digging. You really shouldn’t use your mother’s maiden name as an alias, darling. Especially one as unique as hers.”

Cold steel bumped the back of her head. A gun.

Wesker had told her the same thing. Warned her.

She was careless to use it after not being prepared at the university. Now she was in real danger. The other wolves that Wesker claimed he was protecting her from had stalked her right into a corner. Then again, maybe he wasn’t expecting _this _pack. Or maybe he had and was ready to give her up as tribute for his own motives…

“Uh, Stephan, what’s going on, is t-this necessary?” Bard asked.

“Quiet, or you’ll have one to your head also.” Bennett motioned for Claire to stand. “My business partner, Aaron, would like to speak to you one-on-one, Miss Redfield. You have the time, right? You can help fill the gaps on what’s been happening to our dealings. We’re getting warm, but it seems as though everyone is too afraid to give us answers. Whoever you’re working for, we’ll cut you a nice deal if you expose them.”

Claire kept his gaze, defiant, silent. She had no choice but to comply. She had no weapons on her, no way to hide one in this dress. She slowly moved her hands down to her sides, preparing to push herself up, and felt it. The cold, metal coil of a corkscrew. She forgot she had brought it with her while serving the drinks.

Snatching it up between her fingers, she stood. The man who had the gun to her head pulled her out away from the chair. Bennett rose from his seat, finishing his drink and setting the empty glass down.

Bard shot up as well, looking between Claire and his guest, panicking. “Wh-What are you doing?”

There were two other men in suits now. They must’ve been hiding in the suite this whole time. Although they didn’t have weapons drawn, they were probably packing like the one behind her.

“Nathaniel, lying to me that she is your assistant? After what happened to Simon, I’m shocked. Someone’s got you cowering and afraid, just like Greg. Just like our friend the Police Chief.”

“I-It’s n-not what you think.”

Bennett nodded to the other men. They grabbed Bard by the arms, containing him. The European man pulled a gun equipped with a silencer from his suit jacket.

The doctor fought his captors. “Wait! No!”

Claire stabbed the man behind her in the groin with the corkscrew. He cried out as she spun, disarming him and shoving him away where he tumbled to the floor. She grabbed the bottle of wine and threw it at Bennett’s head just as he switched his gun on her. The bottle shattered on his face.

She didn’t get far with running. Not in that dress, not in those heels, before she was snatched by his men. A bash above her temple instantly made the world spin. Still, she fought, as weak as she suddenly felt.

Bennett was soaked, his face earning a few gashes from broken glass, blood mixing with golden-colored wine. He cursed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He grabbed her neck, squeezing hard.

“You little bitch! You’re lucky Aaron wants to speak with you, or you’d be dead!”

That’s when his arm snapped. Like a twig. He screamed. Claire, her vision still hazy from the blow to her head, realized he was attacked. His men were attacked; she was let go. A few blinks and she saw Wesker using some sort of martial arts to swiftly dispose of them. Not Bennett though. He raced away to his escape while holding his limp arm that flopped uselessly as he ran.

The STARS Captain had killed the other three. In seconds. With his hands. He paused, looking to the door where Bennett had fled, as if deciding whether to pursue him. He was over it in seconds though, grabbing her and pulling her to him. Not as rough as she had expected, but gentle wasn’t really in his nature.

“Hold still,” he commanded. She felt his hand on her head. He must’ve been examining the clout she had received. “Are you alright?”

There was some blood on his hand when he withdrew it, and she felt it trickling in her hair. It must’ve been just a small cut, otherwise it would’ve been all over her face by now.

“Yeah,” she said. And she was. It had only made her light-headed for a minute or so.

The nearby chair squeaked as it scooted on the carpet, and a muffled curse came from the other side. Wesker finally looked away from her, jaw clenching. He marched over to the furniture and kicked it. The chair crashed and skidded several feet away. Wesker seized Bard by the collar and picked him up, slamming him into the nearby bar counter. The sound his body made hitting the granite countertop made her flinch, and Bard’s yelp confirmed it.

“Wesker, wait, please! I d-didn’t know! I didn’t! I swear! He was gonna kill me too!”

“He was,” Claire confirmed. 

She had no idea why she defended the asshole, especially when he didn’t offer her any help before. But she could tell he was telling the truth. Wesker paused, but didn’t look at her, probably contemplating what to do with the doctor as he shuddered in his hands.

“Consider your...contract extended indefinitely,” Wesker growled, and shoved him over the other side of the bar. He put a couple fingers up to his ear, the same hidden piece she had. “Ada, William, we’re finished here. Ada, track Bennett. William, tell Irons he has a mess to clean up with Bard and Mueller.”

Bard got to his feet, shaken, his surprised eyes finding hers. The younger Redfield glared at him, a silent message he understood. She had spared him a cruel fate from the Devil. But she wouldn’t do it again.

She returned her gaze to the three bodies around her feet. The one she stabbed with the corkscrew had a snapped neck. The other two looked as though they had suddenly dropped dead, nothing to attribute to the hands of the STARS Captain. But she had seen it with her own eyes. And although it shouldn’t have, it lit a fierce fire in her lower belly, spreading when his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her towards the door.

The flames were fanned when he whispered in her ear, his hand squeezing her hip. “You did exceptionally well, dear heart. You make me proud.”

When Ada told her Wesker would want to take her home after seeing her in her dress, she had denied wanting him to, denied she wanted to go home with him willingly. But after what she saw, how he held her close to him like she was his, and his alone, how his breath upon her ear titillated her, made her receptive to him only, she could no longer deny it.

Claire wouldn’t be able to stand the drive there. She wanted him. Wanted him to take her. She was a liar; it wasn’t just a one-time fling or a mistake. It was going to happen again. And she wanted it to, and would do nothing to stop it.

[sage-nebula]

Neo: The World Ends With You - Thoughts So Far

I’m on Day 6 of Week 1 and I want to compile my thoughts so far — not in a formal post, but at least all in one place, especially since I feel that jotting down what I think / feel as I go through will help me write my review when I’m done. Spoilers under the cut, obviously — and while it should go without saying, do NOT comment on this post with spoilers from later in the game, so help me. Even if I pose a question that gets answered later on — hell, especially if I do — don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I will find out in my own time.

With that said . . .

So obviously, I’m really enjoying it so far. You can tell that the writers / devs haven’t lost their touch despite it being thirteen years since the first game was made. You can also tell that a lot of love went into this; this isn’t something they churned out just to make money (if they thought this was a moneymaker we wouldn’t have had to wait 13 freaking years for the sequel), but rather something they really, really wanted to make. Not a total passion project, because those aren’t allowed in the world of capitalism, but there is still a lot of love there. 

That said, more specific thoughts:

THE MUSIC. It doesn’t really come as a surprise given that TWEWY’s soundtrack was phenomenal, but god, they brought it right back for this game. The remixes (“Someday”, “Three Minutes Clapping”, “Transformation”, “The One Star” etc) are all excellent, but the new tracks are phenomenal too. Tbh I’m not sure how any of the Players get any fighting done when the music makes you want to just bust a move right there in the scramble. It’s so good.

Most of the characters are great too. Of the Wicked Twisters, I think Fret is my favorite; he is pure of heart, dumb of ass, and I love that for him. I do like Rindo too, of course, and his habit of overthinking everything (since Fret has zero brain cells, Rindo has to make up for it), but him being standoffish / socially anxious and snarky makes him feel a bit like a toned down Neku, so he doesn’t catch my interest quite as much. And while I do like Nagi, the way she speaks in like . . . medieval-esque language is a bit off-putting. In particular it’s weird that Rindo didn’t tell her to knock it off with the “Lord Rindo” stuff since using such an honorific would be considered awkward / embarrassing in Japanese. I guess he’s just too socially anxious / awkward to tell her to stop, but it’s still a bit distracting.  Other than that, I’m really not a fan of Kubo (one of the Reapers) or . . . Susukichi, I think his name is? The leader of the Ruinbringers. I find them both to be pretty annoying, haha. But I love Shoka, as well as Kanon, and Motoi is a good bean, too. As for the Deep River Society . . . those nerds have issues lmao. Especially their leader. Although I can’t fault him for breaking down sobbing when he realizes that he now stands a very good chance of getting erased, which reminds me . . .

HOW ARE WE ON DAY SIX AND THE WICKED TWISTERS STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BEING ERASED IS?? We have kind of an inverse situation where where Neku knew right away that he would get erased if he failed the missions / didn’t win the Game, but didn’t find out until later that he was dead. Here, the Wicked Twisters learn that they’re dead fairly quickly (and Fret has some realistic denial going on about it at first, though he gets over it pretty quickly), but they’re still completely in the dark about the fact that their souls will get wiped from existence if they lose despite erasure being mentioned at least a handful of times. Like I guess it was never spelled out for them, but especially as someone who played the first game about a million times, it’s a bit maddening to see them be like, “Why is he crying like his life is on the line? lol whatevs no big deal la di da!” Since the Wicked Twisters aren’t aware of the stakes, a new player wouldn’t be either, and so it rather tones down the urgency that was felt in the original game where everyone was very much aware that they were fighting for their right to exist.

Since I brought up Motoi, I want to say that I just played past the part where he reveals that he was An0ther, who is apparently Rindo’s favorite blogger / poet. I feel like this is meant to be similar to how Hanekoma was CAT, Neku’s favorite artist, but it doesn’t carry the same impact because a.) as far as we know An0ther didn’t have anything to do with how Rindo died; b.) we haven’t seen Rindo bring An0ther or his poetry up that much, much less have anything An0ther said be his entire life’s mantra; c.) we haven’t gotten to know Motoi that well either. Like we met him once before this revelation. That said I’m not sure it was supposed to have the same impact as the Hanekoma = CAT reveal, but if it was then it did fall short. (Also I saw it coming the second Motoi quoted An0ther lmao.)

Speaking of Hanekoma, WHERE IS MY MANS??? I know he has to show up at some point because if I’m not mistaken we saw him in the trailers. And if I am mistaken then he still has to show up at some point because he played a central role in the “A New Day” epilogue chapter of Final Remix, what with Coco being unable to control him and him knowing what was going on, plus he was testing Neku for something in “Another Day” and that has to be whatever is going on in this game. I’m sure he’ll come in for some big reveal later, but like, we have a new street artist in this game (MKN) with no mention of CAT as of yet, and I’m just like . . . where is he. Where is my mans. What is he doing. Bring him to me.

That said, we already got to see my #2 mans (Kariya♥) so I am happy about that at least. 

Back to my mans for a hot second: I actually erased my demo save data and started fresh to remind myself of everything when I got the game, and idk if it was in the demo or not, but regardless—at the end of the demo portion there’s this shot of the sky and then this nameless voice is like, “It’s finally starting. I hope you wake up soon. I don’t want you to miss all the action.” My current guess is that the speaker was Hanekoma, speaking to Joshua. Joshua being “asleep” would explain why the Game is as screwed up as it is right now, what with it having been going on for a year and people able to choose to play again and again and again while the rest of the Players—who tbh should also be counted as winners if they survive the week!—are trapped in limbo.

Because that’s the thing: I know that it was partially a lie to cover for the fact that Joshua’s game with Megumi was set to last three weeks, but at the end of the third week Megumi told Neku that a new rule was being put in place that wouldn’t allow repeats of the Game anymore. But even setting that aside, in the original Shibuya UG rules, anyone who survived the Game could get a wish at the end, whether that was to be brought back to life or made into a Reaper. This is why at the end of Week 1, the three winners were Neku, Shiki, and Beat. However, here the Ruinbringers are able to keep everyone trapped and they have been trapped for at least a year, given what Motoi said. It’s completely different rules and I’m sure that this has something to do with the fact that the majority of the Reapers we’ve seen so far are from Shinjuku (at least going by the spoilery trailer, and iirc it was confirmed in “A New Day” that Coco was from Shinjuku actually, but it’s been a while so I could be wrong about that).

Speaking of, has anyone noticed that the possibly-Shinjuku Reapers don’t have wings? No?

ALSO speaking of Coco, at least tangentially: Coco was the one who revived Minamimoto at the end of “A New Day”. However, he’s definitely not how I would have expected. Like despite Coco using the Taboo Noise sigil to bring him back, he’s clearly not in his Taboo form. He’s using psychs as a Player would, rather than a Reaper. And while it’s clear he’s up to some form of nonsense, it’s unclear exactly what form of nonsense he’s up to. I know that he’s here for fanservice and that him looking like Nagi’s bias from Elegant Strategy is a tongue-in-cheek nod to that, but I have too much faith in this series to think that’s all this is. I’m wondering if being revived for a second time fixed whatever screws were loose in his head before? Or if he was revived as a human Player by like, Joshua or something? (Although why Joshua would do that I have no idea. Maybe Hanekoma instead?) Hmmm . . .

Small aside, but we all know that Nagi has put herself into hundreds of thousands of yen in debt for Tomonami merch lolol RIP Nagi. (I’m also interpreting that she’s not actually older than Rindo or Fret, but she just skipped a bunch of grades. Like I feel like this might have been lost in translation a bit, and that she’s a senpai to them because she’s in uni but she’s not actually older than them. I could be wrong but that’s how I’m interpreting it right now. She just doesn’t look or act older than them.)

Oh another minor annoyance, but whether it’s due to the partial 3D environment or something else, I’m SO ANNOYED that some of the streets aren’t connecting as they should now. Like, how going in the direction of Molco spits you out at Spain Hill or 104 or whatever? I don’t remember exactly what area it was, but it wasn’t Molco!! I’m sure if I hadn’t played the original a million times like a loser this wouldn’t be such a big deal to me, but I have and it is lmao. Also, they’ve had the Shibuya Underpass / Cat Street blocked off this whole time and I’m like :( let me go to Cat Street :( let me see my mans

I’m relieved that Ken Doi is still making delicious food and I look forward to his ramen curry fusion. I was really upset about RamenDon being gone at first but as long as Ken Doi is still around I am happy.

My dinner just arrived so this is all I have to say for now, but I will update more as I play more. I love this game and I’m so happy to be back in Shibuya, even if the characters pronounce it wrong sometimes (saying “ShiBOOya” like pls . . . you are supposed to be Japanese . . . get it right . . .)

[gossipgirls]

This is in no way Nate slander and I hope it doesn’t come off that way and maybe it’s just the way Chace played Nate but I felt like his entire character arc he was just a pawn in someone else’s plot? Like first his father and then chair, his family/the politics, Juliette’s scheme, even Jenny’s crush in season 4/5 was motivated by a lot of spite towards Serena over liking Nate, idk I just wish we had gotten a little more from his character like his rise in politics instead of the spectator

i think you are fully correct, and i actually think that was completely intentional from the writers and pretty central to his arc! the issue is that, for a lot of people, it made for kinda boring characterization hahahaha.

what i wrote in this post––my point that each character’s ending is basically following their parents’ footsteps, except doing it correctly, thus rewriting their painful childhoods and to some degree breaking class barriers/expectations––is probably my favourite way to analyze the main characters of this show, and i think what you’ve pointed out here is the perfect example of that. the captain was always written as... kind of a loser tbh. everything he had, he only had because of his wife’s father. he got lost in this big, cutthroat world and relied on other people to solve his issues for him - even his teenage son was more mature and willing to face consequences than he ever was. and then there’s his grandfather, domineering, overpowering, and all too willing to plan nate’s future for him. the main goal for nate’s character, i think, was to have him move past this and find success on his own terms. i don’t personally think it was executed very well in the later seasons, just because the writers seemed to give up on him lol, but that was always the plan with nate imo.

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist OG vs. Brotherhood: Rush Valley (OG 26, BH 11)

Another 1:1, but the content is actually very different this time.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 26: "Her Reason"

Mustang investigates Hughes' murder and concludes through Armstrong that a high ranked member of the military may be responsible for his death. Izumi Curtis, Edward and Alphonse's teacher, shows up at Central looking for them, but she has missed them by a few days. Edward, Alphonse, and Winry, on their way to Ishbal, arrive in Rush Valley.

We open with Mustang getting an invoice for all of Ed's hospitalization charges. LOL.

Mustang demands to know where the Elrics are. He's pretty harsh and aggressive.

Riza grabs her gun when Izumi barges in.

We're still doing the equivalent exchange intro? This is starting to raise the question of what "those days" are, exactly. From what point in the timeline is Al saying this?

New OP, though! It looks more like a slideshow of scenes from the anime. New characters are in it, most notably Wrath.

Automail girl is told she can't get a cannon arm because it's for men.

How does automail arm wrestling work? Wouldn't it just be determined by the quality of your automail, not your own strength? Despite this, the girl puts up an impressive showing against the champion before he cheats.

Announcer initially propositions Al, but then goes into a bit about how short Ed is. LOL.

Ed is looking more muscular than before, I think? He should be 16 now, so that makes sense.

Extra comedy from Winry when the announcer calls his automail shoddy. LOL.

Ed tears the guy's arm off! Did he use alchemy for that?

The big guy has a tiny replacement arm.

Ah, Ed did use alchemy.

Winry beats everyone up. I think it does lean a bit into "female violence is funny", but that she has a legitimate reason that's treated seriously makes it work, I think.

Now we get the scene with Mustang investigating. He talks with Armstrong in an alley instead of in the open. Thank you.

Mustang makes the same deductions, but his reasoning for the Philosopher's Stone connection is that the Elrics left without telling him, implying they didn't trust the military with information about the Stone. That's more reasonable.

Bechdel Test pass when Winry talks with Paninya.

Cartoon face when Dominic walks in on Paninya. It's a little much, but appropriate given the lightheartedness of this plot.

Dominic knows Pinako as a brilliant engineer.

Ah, a race shows the power of her automail legs as well. That's clever.

Paninya calls Ed a pipsqueak before starting the race. I wonder if Winry coached her on that.

Ed leaps two stories with his shonen protagonist powers.

Ed looks strained while running, while Paninya isn't breaking a sweat.

Paninya leaps from the roof straight onto the ground with no ill effects. Ed does the same thing, so it's not just that automail absorbs the shock. Artistic license, I suppose.

Without the rocket, Paninya's leg collapses and she falls off the building. Ed saves her by extending… rock platforms that break under her? I guess that would slow her a little, but if she's already going that fast that must still be pretty painful.

Winry blushes when Ed says he can't let anyone show up his automail. Aw.

Back in Central, Hakuro shows up to intimidate Mustang. So I guess he's finished razing Liore. Mustang grovels for him.

Sheska wants to continue the investigation, but Mustang says it's been suspended.

Oh wow, Izumi's here already? Thinking about the timeline… it seemed like it only took them a day to get here by train, and it has been a day since Izumi showed up in Central, so that checks out.

Winry is sad that Ed doesn't want automail. I think that's a bit much? She's known he wants to restore his body for a while now.

Cartoon faces when Sig barges in. I think that's reasonable; as a cliffhanger, it is clearly meant to be jarring, and it's a clean break from the seriousness of the last scene.

New ED. The bit with Winry typing with the dog is really cute. Winry inexplicably having her shirt open so we can see her boobs is less cute. And it looks like the text in the background is a plot summary of the story? I wonder if it's notes the mangaka gave them, or their own? I think I preferred the last one's music, though.

FMA Brotherhood Episode 11: "Miracle at Rush Valley"

Edward, Alphonse and Winry arrive in Rush Valley where Edward's state alchemist pocket watch is stolen by a pickpocket named Paninya. After chasing her down, they find she has automail legs. Winry asks the automail's creator, Dominic LeCoulte, to let her be his apprentice, but her request is swiftly denied. Winry convinces Paninya to stop being a pickpocket and return the pocket watch, but first she peeks inside and sees the date when the Elric brothers burned down their house. Meanwhile, Dominic's daughter-in-law is having a baby, and she is unable to travel to a hospital in the poor weather. Winry and Paninya deliver the baby, resulting in a successful birth. Winry asks Dominic again to be an apprentice, and this time he directs her to another automail mechanical engineer. With that, Edward and Alphonse continue onward to Dublith.

We're doing the alchemy intro again.

Recapping the last episode, again.

We start in Rush Valley this time. Curiously, we don't get the ship-teasing of Winry behaving exactly the same way as the girlfriend who wants her boyfriend to buy her the expensive ring; Ed is just exasperated over her fangirling.

Ed is really grouchy.

Cartoon skit where everyone crowds around Ed's automail and… strip him? That's pretty awkward.

Cartoon skit when Ed realizes his watch is gone.

Cartoon skit when the villagers ask to see Ed's automail again.

We get emphasis on how hot and inhospitable the region is. Dominic apparently lives in the mountains, rather than a back alley.

Winry and Ed yell at each other. I can just feel the romance wafting off them.

Ed and Al somehow recognize Paninya despite not seeing her earlier, and are able to see the watch in her hands even though she's only a speck from their perspective. How.

Cartoon skit when Ed sees her.

Ed uses alchemy to make steps carving a direct path to her.

Then he makes a huge wall to cut her off, about on part with Izumi's levee.

Ed then makes grasping arms out of the ground. How are they bending?

Al ambushes her and makes a metal cage. They did say earlier that this area is rich in metal ore, so that makes sense.

Paninya has a blade in her leg instead of a rocket, and it… can cut through the metal bars, somehow.

Ah, her other leg has the cannon.

I'm just now noticing she does not have an automail arm.

Winry catches her. How? Did she sneak ahead?

Comedy when Winry wants to look at Paninya's automail.

Al's head falls off, which is amusing.

Winry nuzzles Paninya's knee. Uhhh.

Instead of being amazed by Winry's work, Dominic scolds her for making the limbs too heavy. This is where we get introduced to the possibility the automail is stunting Ed's growth. Of course, in this continuity that will come to nothing because consequences are for losers.

Ed has a fantasy of towering over everyone. This is actually very funny. We see him still daydreaming while we resume in the present, which is also funny.

Why is Al constantly turning into a cartoon, though? I think he's spent more time in cartoon form than not this episode.

We get a cartoon of Ed being a single-celled organism when Dominic calls him one. It amuses me.

We get a picture of the fetus when the brothers touch the pregnant woman, which I find unnecessary and kinda gross.

The brothers gush about how miraculous childbirth is.

Paninya says her stumps ache when the weather turns bad, which is a nice detail showing that automail isn't perfect.

When Paninya gives backstory, there's no flashback to the accident, but there is a flashback to Dominic because the man is what's important here.

The whole conversation places much more emphasis on Dominic, how grateful she is to him, how she wants to pay him back, etc.

Winry argues with her to stop being a pickpocket.

Ed sealed his watch shut with alchemy.

Cartoon where Winry opens it.

Cartoon when Ed tells Winry about the labor.

The labor scene is similar to Elicia's birth, so I guess OG moved this there. No line where she snaps at them for making a fuss, though. It has way less emotional impact and context here when it's just some rando, and the men's incompetence is less excusable when they're adults. Winry has to do basically everything herself.

Ed notes that Winry's a doctor's daughter so she does actually know this stuff… and then immediately undercuts it by saying she probably didn't absorb any of it because lol women thinking they know stuff, amirite? We've seen no indication Winry is doing anything wrong. Why are you being a dick, Ed.

Shot of Dominic riding through the rain.

Winry goes in to help with the birth, but we stay focused on Ed whining about how sad it is he can't help.

Cartoon Al when he gushes over the baby.

Same line about mothers accomplishing what alchemists can't, but Winry tells him not to compare alchemy with "the mysteries of life".

Ed is mad at Winry for opening the watch.

We get a flashback to them burning the house.

Winry is determined to stay with them because she's ~so amazed by Ed's resolve~. Also explicitly says she wants to get better just so she can help Ed.

Comedy and slapstick when Ed demands his watch back from Paninya. I guess slapstick targeted at women is sort of equality?

Dominic melts when doting on the grandson. Ed notes it's out of character and gets glared at and turned to cartoon.

Ed has to push for Winry's referral; she doesn't think to ask herself.

Paninya is called a "tomboy", and is invited to come visit. So I guess their relationship isn't as close here?

The Elrics run past a wanted poster of Greed. Nice foreshadowing.

Ed tells Winry to get better so she can make him better automail when he leaves.

Conclusion

So these are really two completely different episodes. There are similarities in characters and the basic plot, but they're portrayed very differently.

Taken individually, I'd say they're both good. Like with the Resembool episode, when comedy and lightheartedness is actually appropriate, Brotherhood does great at that. The episode is a fun low-stakes adventure with a lot of good jokes. Conversely, OG making its own plot was also a good move. It's still a breather episode, but sticks to the more subdued, less madcap energy characteristic of the anime, so it doesn't feel out of place. We get clever use of elements and lots of people talking about their feelings, which is exactly what I want out of OG. The episodes are both good examples of their series' respective ethos.

But one of our things to watch is female representation, and they don't compare nearly as favorably there.

OG's episode is about Paninya from beginning to end, and develops her into a full character with her own motivations. In Brotherhood, she's just a plot device to introduce us to Dominic, and is then swiftly forgotten about. Winry's conversation with her is also a lot friendlier in OG, and more focused on Paninya herself. I also find it very interesting that Dominic is only amazed by Winry and Pinako's work in OG; there's no question of her becoming his apprentice, giving the very clear implication she is already a master herself.

For all that people say Brotherhood is so much better at female characters, OG sure seems to care about and respect them way more. It does give us that weirdly gendered thing about the arm cannon, but it's not pushed very hard – Paninya doesn't have to give up her rocket leg, and she's not forced to give up her tomboyishness like Clause did.

Quite frankly, Brotherhood's "feminism" feels very manufactured to me. It does the exact bare minimum of what it thinks people want out of female characters, but no more – then, having paid its dues, it goes right back to gushing over how awesome the boys are. OG seems to be coming from a more traditionalist angle that leads them into some blunders, but I don't see any malice behind them; they've shown again and again a willingness to seriously engage with even minor female characters, even at the expense of the male ones, and that feels much more genuine to me.

[yurimura]

No Better (Cisco x Reader)

Request: yo heyyyyy hi there. (oh my god what is my problem ok sorry) could i request a cisco x reader based on the song 2 evils by Bastille? and could you make up meta powers for the reader? ;) (cause i'm not creative LOL) TYSM >> also i'm so sorry if you are thinking what am i on. i am on my bed. OKAY IM SORRY IM DONE NOW

A/N: Wow I haven’t written in a while. I started this a while ago but I was struggling with it. I’m not 100% happy with this, but then again songfics aren’t really my specialty. That being said, I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I graduated from high school recently, so I should have more free time now? I  have a few ideas and new characters I’m in love with. Sorry @ the anon who requested this, it’s really late ^^;

Word Count: 1,682 words

I’m the lesser of two evils Or am I, am I tricking myself nice?

He hurt you. He hurt you. Killed you. If it weren’t for the particle accelerator exploding, you would be dead in a basement, another body that fell at his hands. It didn’t matter that you cheated death, that you crawled out of that basement alive. What he did to you, it hurt you like no one had hurt you before.

They say that in the face of death, your fight or flight response triggers. Well, your body chose flight, and his chose fight. Not that he was in any danger to begin with, but the particle accelerator was a cruel mistress.

It saved you, but it also strengthened him.

They called you the Grim Reaper. Actually that was what Cisco called you, due to the fact that your body would turn into smoke and in the beginning you hurt a lot of people. Despite that, he helped you when you accidentally dropped outside his window. He knew who you were, but he still helped you see that you were more than just your hurt, and you could still be good.

It took a lot of convincing at STAR Labs to take you in, but Cisco vouched for you like no one ever had before.

“Cisco, we can’t just overlook what she’s done-“

“Cait, she’s hurt, confused. Rage makes us do a lot of things,” Cisco pleaded with the team. You stayed quiet, not looking at any of them in the eye. You couldn’t bear to face what you’ve done, you couldn’t look these people in the eye.

“Cisco, maybe I deserve to be locked up,” you muttered, “I did hurt a lot of people.”

“No, _____, people do dumb stuff when they’re hurt, you don’t deserve to get locked in a cell when you were just scared and confused. We can help you, we can help you catch the guy that really deserves to be locked up,” Cisco took your hands in his and gave you hope. No one’s hands had ever felt kinder than his in that moment. He had faith in you when no one else did, and that made your heart want to burst.

If only you could live up to his expectations.

——

You found him.

It had been months since Team Flash took you in, since they had made the calculated decision to trust you. They helped you control your powers, and they helped you see what it was like to be nice again. In those months Cisco had not left your side, and it was safe to say that the relationship the two of you had was going in a direction that was more than “just friends”.

Too bad he had to show his ugly head again. You would have liked to see how you and Cisco would mesh.

“Well, well, well, looks like the little bitch is still alive,” he sneered, finally showing himself after weeks of hiding.

You tried opening your mouth to respond with a snappy retort, but when you did you found that your mouth was dry. Your hands pulled down your hood and you saw it, you were shaking. After all this time, he still had this effect on you.

“What’s the matter, little girl?” He laughed and you flinched, “still afraid are you? My, and I saw the chaos you wrecked after I left you in that basement. You’ve been domesticated, no? Made into a hero by “Team Flash”,” the way he mockingly threw around the name of the people that took you in made your blood boil, “little girl, you’re just as bad as me.”

Oh I'm the lesser of two evils So keep looking Just keep looking into my eyes And as the lesser of two evils it pays to, pays to be the nice guy sometimes

“Don’t say that,” you spat, “I am nothing, nothing, like you.”

“Oh we’re more alike than you think, _____,” his grin sent a shiver up your spine, “I’m sure you’ll finally realize that once I rinse your hands of the burden that is Team Flash.”

That was it, you were ready to lunge at him, you almost did until a voice, his voice, stopped you dead in your tracks.

“_____, don’t,” it was Cisco. Of course it was Cisco, he followed you here in his Vibe suit, “you’re better than this.”

It was like he knew. Like somehow, even without touching you, Cisco could feel your determination seeping out of your body. Last time it was flight, this time it’s fight. And you weren’t allowing him to walk out of it alive.

“Cisco, you don’t understand,” you started, “I have to. It’s never going to stop hurting until I kill him.”

“Oh that’s sweet, little girl,” the man in front of you interjected, “but you couldn’t even land a finger on me.”

“Dude, no offense, shut up. _____, you don’t have to face him, Barry can-“ it was nice to see that Cisco would still be Cisco in even the tensest of moments, but you didn’t want to hear his reasoning.

“I’m sorry, Cisco. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the great hero you wanted me to be, but this is all I was after. He was all I was after, and he’s here, in front of me, and you’re telling me to just walk away?” You shook your head, “I can’t do that.”

There are two ways to skin tonight Let’s see whose road gets there faster This is a game, no wrongs, no right Only a winner and a loser You and I, oh you and I We’re not that different, you and I

You turned your attention back to the man who  hurt you, you were determined to end things here and now. But before you could even make the first move, a powerful blast hit you from behind, and you saw a flash of red take the man away.

Before you slipped into unconsciousness you could hear Cisco apologizing.

“I’m sorry, _____.”

——

When you woke up, you were locked up in the Pipeline. It hurt, being on the other side of the door. Yes, Cisco had gotten you pretty good and you were definitely still sore from the blast, but what hurt more was staring up at the faces of the people you had once called a team.

You had lost that right the moment you stepped into that alley.

“_____-” Caitlin started, but you cut her off immediately.

“Don’t, Cait, I-I don’t deserve your sympathy,” you shook your head an leaned back against the wall, “so, why am I not locked up in meta-human prison? I should be in there, right? I hurt a lot of people, didn’t I?” You rushed the doors of the cell, you knew your metahuman powers couldn’t break through the glass—you’ve seen others try— but you still wanted to vent your frustration, “I’m no better than him. In fact, I’m worse,” you say as you sunk back to the floor.

“_____, don’t say that!” A voice you had grown to love suddenly snapped.

“Cisco…” you muttered, not daring to look him in the eye, “just admit it. I can’t be the superhero you want me to be. You should have locked me up sooner.”

“No, _____, I refuse to believe that. I’ve talked with you, I’ve watched you work, you and that guy are like night and day,” Cisco was now pressed up against the door, you could feel him begging you to look at him, it didn’t take vibe powers to know that, “you-you’re just hurt, he hurt you and you need time to heal—“

“Cisco!” You shouted suddenly, “I’m not like Barry, okay? I’m never gonna be the save the day, make sure everyone lives type of gal… I fully intended to kill him, and I would have too. I’m evil, I’m disgraceful… I’m irreparable.”

You lowered your head in defeat, half expecting the team to give up on you. You had given up on yourself. You wanted to be the perfect, lawful hero Cisco thought you could be. The hero the team thought you could be. Barry had a no-kill rule, Barry could turn a known criminal soft, Barry was the Flash, hero of Central City. You wanted to be like that, you were even humoring a hero name before that guy showed his ugly face again. Now, instead of a hero, you were in a cell, dropped to the floor in defeat.

The sound of the cell doors opening shook you out of your little self-pity party and you looked up to see Cisco standing over you. Before you could say anything, he was looking you straight in the eye and had your hands tightly gripped in his.

“Then I’ll help you,” he said with complete confidence, “we can do a little superhero rehab, a little support until my-our! Our _____ is feeling better, right Barry?” The speedster gave a genuine nod, but you didn’t notice because you were too hung up on Cisco’s little slip up. My, he said. It made your heart flutter, if only for a moment.

“Cisco, I’m not worth it,” you tried to pull your hands away, but he didn’t let go, “just let me atone for my sins.”

“_____,” ah how his voice just pulled you in, “you don’t have to be perfect to be a part of Team Flash.”

Then he did something that just took you off guard, he kissed you on the forehead. A simple gesture, one that held no romantic expectations, only the message ‘I’m here’.

“Let me help you, please.”

You hadn’t realized you were crying until you tried to speak. You were all choked up, and you struggled to give him your response. But when you looked at him, the words seemed to flow out of your mouth so effortlessly.

Oh I'm the lesser of two evils So keep looking Just keep looking into my eyes And as the lesser of two evils it pays to, pays to be the nice guy sometimes

“For you, anything.”

[raevfitta]

The next ten days are going to be brutal

Today: I need to submit the guest list for my party to the nation. 60 people are coming and I estimated 70 so I wasn’t THAT far off. I was super stressed and sad when it was like at 35 people but 60 is fine. I know it will probably drop to 55 or so but that is fine. We will have to shell out a little more money than we expected but that is “fine.” I just want people to have a nice time. I am going to wait until the afternoon in case some random coworkers come by and ask. 

Wednesday: My course starts again and I REALLY don’t want to start teaching again. I have too many students and I haven’t had as much time to prep as last term (I am going to do a TON of work today to make sure I am not totally boned). I don’t have the energy right now to deal with 46 students right now. The most annoying thing about teaching ACTUAL students is that I am part of this awful online course and our project leader is like .... ignoring what I say. I have to start teaching an actual course and prepare for my defence. I don’t have TIME to write comments to every moron who thinks he knows more than the people who put together the course. 

Thursday: I will do some of my course prep for the next week and try to get as far ahead as I can (lol I also forgot I agreed to go to lunch with one of my supervisors so it is good I remembered THAT). I need to do a quick reclean of the apartment in the evening before my family arrives on Friday. 

Friday: We need to figure out which car to borrow to go pick up my family. Everything is fine with the hotel so we don’t have to worry if the plane is delayed. I am going to have some lunch prepared at home and then we are going to make food in the evening. 

Saturday: We haven’t really made up a plan of what to do with my family while they are here but on this day there is a bandy game that dad might want to go see. I really really really want to watch Melodifestivalen in the evening but since it is in Swedish it isn’t fun for everyone. I have no IDEA what we are doing for dinner but my partner is being super annoying about this. I don’t want to make food all the time while my family is here and they don’t want that either. Eating out in Sweden is stupid expensive so I understand but we don’t have to go eat at fancy fucking places all the time. I get so tired of snobbishness at times. Just...we can order pizza. We don’t need to make a goddamned roast every night. 

Sunday: The same car dilemma arises again and we need to figure out how to go pick up my uncle. My partner has already planned on making food again in the evening but maybe we can at least eat lunch out?

Monday: I am planning to take the day off work but I need to start preparing for my motherfucking thesis defence as well as go over my four lectures for the two class meetings I have in the week (I divide up the class meetings into two 45 minute lectures because it is easier to manage the time that way). So even if I have the day free with my family, I will have to do read and make notes at some point too. This is also the week that my fucking week of the online course starts so I am not mentally prepared for the negative comments I will get over this shit. UGH. 

Tuesday: I need to go into work because I need to call my opponent. Then the rest of the day will be course prep and preparing for my defence...I really hope that the weather is nice to my family can go into Stockholm and check out some stuff. 

Wednesday: I have teaching in the morning then I will prep for teaching the next day and do the same with my defence planning. Again, hoping for nice weather. Maybe today I can eat lunch with my family once I am free but we will see how things go at work. 

Thursday: I have teaching in the afternoon so it is easier to review my notes in the morning and then prepare for the afternoon. Then in the evening I will just be reading my dissertation like crazy to try to remind myself of my central arguments because right now I feel like I am BLANKING on it. @tiikerikani arrives from Finland so hopefully we can go out to eat as a big group somewhere cheaper and nearby rather than try to make food at home for so many people. 

FRIDAY: THIS.IS.IT. I can’t even imagine how FAST this day is going to go. I want to be at work as early as I can but that would mean dragging my family to campus two hours before they need to be there. It will be a LONG day of telephone contact with people who are unfamiliar with the town, campus, country, and academic setting. I will be so worried about everything that I won’t be able to relax. I hate that I have to defend in Swedish and everyone else thinks it is stupid too. I have to get through two hours of sheer torture without crying and I don’t know if I will be able to DO THAT. IT DOESN’T SEEM POSSIBLE. So we get through that (somehow, I don’t know how) then go eat lunch as like a HUGE group (family plus friends) so we are looking at where we can book for like 12 people. Then we go back home and relax a little and then we have a “tie-tying party” where we get dressed and have a few cocktails so the day actually FEELS not as AWFUL as I am imagining. Then I take the entire troop to the venue around six (lol at some point during this week I need to determine seating arrangements once the nation replies about how they are placing the tables). We set up the placecards and put the songbooks on the table (which I ALSO need to finish and printout!!) and then the night can start. I get my results early on and find out if I should toss myself off a bridge or not. Then spend the rest of the night forcing myself not to slide under the table and hide if some one gives an embarrassing speech. Why do people think those are good ideas? I don’t need to be reminded of what a loser I am or some stupid fucking thing I did. I have the self esteem of a dishtowel so don’t hammer it home what a fuck up I am. 

Saturday: Apply for unemployment insurance. Ding dong.

[the-firebird69]

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/investigators/70-mile-stretch-of-turnpike-through-central-florida-going-cashless

already cashless prior to your blowing it as you say you will.  how wonderful.

and we picked upt on it long before co have you now.  your wimpering and wining to us wills top.  and your driing him around like mad will as it has sacated to aderee so far will hault.  you will know we are in Charge Zues, and he likes it.  I can sleep heal and be at peace for a timehere and there.

and you ownt Justin  your dead. 

and we are all the Angel of Death and took great offense.  so we eat him up with Kaiju and send all of you the pics now on your internet.  to offend you on prupose as you have so often done to us.  soon you will have your way Zues

and you will see why.  it is confusing to you a bit not much.  but you know. 

Salazaar

don the stairs and almost hurt my head.  so a compromise was accepted due to not having it a mistake I should have learned better,no, I had to hold my round as best I could while my plan simmered.  over decades of haeful comments to me and abuse.   millions of put downs. and no friends or family that wrer not husge sucking hogs as you find here.  losers really.  this is not even a rinky dink biz it is a retard convention.  ghwb rolls over in his plastic box.

Zues

we advance whileyou think of ways to disturb him jsuting and we hit you now constantly as he has asked us to to preent you from hulking out like an asshole, you and joe on the list to leave mans you have been asked to. try to threaten him to stay.  he has not been asked to he says should I look they slowly back off so he stops unlike you towo who threaten them.  and you recorded it took it to a judge and he looked at you sharply and said what do you want me to do, flatten them all for you aame here and heard him say it, you must get workers if you want to take over anyways.   not like jen who ha s us do it.  she is a lazy sow.  pout you allin jeapordery of losing to us over and oer and over as most donkey kong does.  not so anymore she tris. hits you hard.  sends penny after you idiots who talk all the time. we do now. harder.

you will say it Is you and ferret out all your competition.  it is necessary for a time as we try to find the reasons for an indadequate bubble as you know Zues.  and you do yes. yup.  simple math these should know.  meaning they have something here others know who fight to get here.  we saw that they hate it.

what is it.  mhph.  lol I belive the caldera that is a secret limestone plug.

yes it is. lol. 

Thor

[tssfhr-blog]

[C-1 / M-18] Text One

i tried to write a short bio about myself and my music project

but

Bio

Kharkiv

13

too yolo for being a DJ

ambient, noise

Weaponized naivness, helpless attack

Kanye West, PJ Harvey

Bee Pole EP

Pure EP

Love LP

NII, Powerhouse, Plivka, Zhyvot

A/V

CHSZM - experimental electronic project of Aleksei Podat, based in Kharkiv, Ukraine. Started producing music at the age of 13 after being an EDM DJ at St. Petersburg pirate radiostation for 2 years.

Now he creates melodic noise which he describes as sound of “pure naviete weaponized by haunting helplessness of logic&QUITE-EMOTIONAL-APPROACH-TO-ANYTHING&O - V - E -R -R RE-ACTING"T[M]. His greatest influences were Kanye West and PJ Harvey, as for now among them appeared some Kyiv(NO)-meta-based artists like (Ivan Skoryna) - is - (actual artist name) John Object, and Moscow (Still-NO;still-meta) based media-artists AWN-naw

(wowww, an artist doesn’t have a PAGE, HOW’S THAT, MR. Цукерберг, Марк, Mr TAG EVERYONE ON EVERY BIT OF YOUR tinyDaATa ttmmm] soundcloud.com/awn_naw

so: and Zurkas Tepla

[the..articles are so difficult, I know how journalists may feel, sometimes, about posting a klikByte-headed material about poverty, war, or numerous G20 Ideologic rave party, I AM CHARLIE, CHARLIE SHEEN CAUGHT ROBBING WALLtm-MART NEAR THE FREEDOM ST., BUT luckily, the casser worker! had called the police last night, when they! heard some "sounds of (violent) noise.. haha great my friend got a vynil of this, which i have no possibility to actually hear, my sounds of noise are shaped by the bloodstream of mine and the clone of Mine[tm] who hopes, i hust buy it as fast as he could be tauht, at their trial lol trial, you have noone to feed, don’t you, family-less, dropped out of nowhere worker huhhh]

NEXT PARAGRAPH is/was/will be ABOUT - ( WHINNING ABIOUT UKRAINIAN BANK ACCOUNTS NOT ACCEPTING BANDCAMP TRANSACTIONS TRHOUIG PAY PAL DAM)….

I GOTTA MAKE THOSE FUCKING CASSETTES NOBODY REALLY NEADS, EXCEPT ONE ( you are dramqueened, lolll) Ph.D of USA University, which i respect, for the interest in New East culture. [I’d like them to show me. where’s the new east, so i could finally show em the old one]

Me Respect Professos, what’s wrong with that huh?)))), I am studying at Karazin University, I AM studying political sciences, without a bit of post-truth politics, just post-truth patriot-oriented education, it’s quite depressing. (UBA - shorter, smarter look, more modern than the actual modern term Ukrainian Bank Accounts, and it sounds like UBER, like not the taxi service, which robs every piece of his stuff, including the clever-auto-routed-cars. of course. If they are clever, they are good enough to be credited as stuff, AND BE TAKEN SERIOUS SUPPOSEDLY I GUESS MAYBE i don’t kno, tho, lo ve16/03/18 first LP has been self-released you kno, i gottaa promote it, and i do my best at it, since i left label with audience in Facebook of 3k people - next kp - k people, not k-pop,; Soundcloud like 7+kp (non k-pop also, they don’t even use it, u must be kidding, kidDO - kidDO - essential mobile app just for YOUR smartphone, to get you a proper kid. Look at you(r,) "kid” and look at “kidDO"TM!!! - exclamaiton marks are here to gain psychical pressure on our deer, hi that’s was bad jokey…like your kiddo, dear, dear, very dear, and precious customers, not to exclaim that we have registered this trademark with absolutely obvious "misunderstandings” with law, and fully understanding with the power….forces..FORCES OF POWER, OF

LOVE,

U

KNO, TO OUR CUSTOMERS…so, not to seem a little bit weird but I don’t feel lonely, I have a great support of my family and friends, I sometimes do just awful things to them, like…idk…being an artist with great not only the creative potential, but a POT(i’d smoke this sh1t on 3v3ryday bas1s in case I would have agreed on following the path of using potential #2, it’d be weird if i liked a chance to be a person like in example NUMBER TWO, u kno, TWO, 2, LOSER, FUCKING LOOSER,) ential of sitting my ass out near shitty PC on windows XP (Mhhmhmm, safety, in Ukrainian IT companies… is quite interesting quiestion, wee(d) n(w)eed to look at it from different perspectives, different angles…) (actually i do the same at my dorm, or at mama-house(TM haha, no, sry, i’m not THAT misogynistic human being, to EVEN Imagine™ my mother, as a woman, first of all (fck offff my “i-understood-Freud-wrong-but-1-read-it-ironically-so-fuckk-you”-mates, I understand these great postmod(ern)(ehhh)(snobbyy)(but i like it) possibilities that came out as a pale garbage, like from the corpse, the corpse of a most pale kidDO (of course if our company be mistakeyy just a lil bit, like “oops”), as soon as you got a thought in you head like “Oh, over-using (that small dash as a reminder - if you misread oversueing somehow, goto "mylawyer” and think a bit once, than a little bit more, and than turn your MINDPOWER [LP3, 2026 new demos never, I know, I’m a bit of paranoid about showing my stuff to anonymouses like ISIS or Presidents, like very very bad presidents, like, I even don’t kno who to mention, but you’ve got the point, they could rip off my MASTERPOWER [LP0 It was already released, and you are not talanted in googling enough to find it eat my t-shirts, to be more accurate, not shirts, i’m not that “kid” if he could be reffered like this too, since 29 years of struggle through average mid-class family “oopsey-woopseys”, Hey, CC [NoN-creative-commoned-Comedy-Central, so “™”], wanna see an episode dated 1999 where Bart SimpsonS, using his MINDPOWER, obviously"TM", becomes a high-school breakbit-techno-house-electro DJ BioSex [in reversed order, please, mix, but do not shake, please, to make a cocktail which our modern “underground electroni#css” music scene like really deserves

ADVERTPERVERT ROUBRIQUE [le]

Fill a collins glass with ice. Add tequila and midori, fill rest of glass with sour mix, and garnish with an orange slice and a cherry. Then drink it by yourself if you truly believe, that you are great at mixing 4/4 tracks, OH GOSH HOW MEAN I AM, I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MEAN TO A PERSON WHO JUST MAKES A LIVING ON DOING EVERYTHING HE WANTS, LIKE VINYLL FLIP-FLOPS, AND CD’S CHANGINGGGG [REALLY HOT DOWN HERE, YOU NOW, HEATING IS GOING LIKE SHUSH, ITS JUST SO HOT UNDER THE DJ TABLE FUCK IT, IKEA, YOU GOTTA DO SMTH WITH IT]..sorry,..fck, almost forgot about this phoney thingy [IKEAtm - more than trade, more than marks, IKEA rules, here are scandinavian workers tired sparks (around head) (from amusement, how GOOD, it TASTES, to eat CHICKEN, at the TABLE, you know you PRODUCED, but you DON’T CARE [mArXXXattention - marxists fukof, i know i’m using some kind of “not really accurate” info!! about your DAD’S BOOK, i’m sorry, I never gonna touch it again, I promise, peace] [Fuck xxxtentaciwho, i don’t stand public image of a talented musician to be spoiled with so fucked up facts, like beating someone for a long time, or having sex with a person against their will, and that’s not a joke. Pretty sad that talented freshmen will never be a talented human being for me, but he still is for someone, and those are might be fucked up as hell also, not as much as a person, who fucks another with a fork, or other objects [even if he does it in postmod, that’s cruel to kids, think about what happend to WW2 kids, and X it on the quantity of eyes that never seen the damn piece of war [lucky ones, would be like to feel a bit like that] [i’m lucky too, but not that much, you kno, “Sloviansk"TM, or how it frequently was trasliterated from "local-pronounciation” - Slavinsk [CC license] - [src: telegraph.co.uk/…/Donetsk-police-chief-forced-out-as-Ukrain…, BTW! using a chance of such a productivity FUCK Telegraph, and probably fUcK BBC News [can’t find a source, but i remember this LE GOOGLE-LESS JOURNALIST REPORTAGE for not having a MINDPOWER, and what’s more important, for them, as professionals, of “dividing"TM "bad people"TM and "good people"TM - a MASTERPOWER ability. Purchase Love LP. LP is for Pl which is for [sorry, my polish friends, and people who don’t understand slavic-english-writing-stYLO [stereotype], sorry, I’m very very sorry, that IT HAPPENED[TM], yeas, Pl - which is for Please! Sorry! I admit, I took you to the really dark place, but I Love you, and I really want you to survive. [really enjoying’ my time with those funny Latin letters, playing with them, omg, i don’t even kno what doessss the DAMN.[really liked it, but TPAB was way better, please take a note, Kendrick, i’m your fan for 3 yrs, my opinion weighs smth, huh? I don’t even have fans which are able to notice when i delete a bunch of my “First Relaeses” from bandcamp. That’s for good, actually, I’d like not to get any messages containg things like “Hei Aleksei! Your first release Ножові was great and thought-provoking, and your last LP called..let me think, Laugh? Life? Ah, I remembered it’s called] half of my words mean

And yeah

Love / OUT NOW

CHSZM - noise music project of Kharkiv based media-artist Aleksei Podat.

Hometown: Sloviansk

Birthdate: 25/08/1996

gosh, i got these voices sequenced to 4/4 again, moom. I need a PROFESSIONAL HERE

if you got some psychologist help to advice, i’d be shy, but greatful

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