#It's the whole principle of 'be more uncomfortable in the present in order to help yourself in the future'

[icewindandboringhorror]

is this actually that uncommon? I don’t even unpack just the DAY I return from somewhere, but it’s literally the first thing I do. I do nothing else until I’m unpacked, I have everything organized back in it’s proper place in the house within an hour of getting home lol.. I thought this was typical??? What’s the cultural norm?

[ask-hunterxhunter]

Helloo royal Guards as yandere please

But without the presence of Meruem because I find it difficult for them to fall in love with Reader while serving the King.

Mmmh, Neferpitou with a Reader male because my headcanon is that she is a infertile female uhhh I dont know how to explain it but I think that in the ant castes there are infertile females that are workers

Yeah, as far as I know, that's how it is with ants... I'm not an expert, but I think the female workers are infertile and care for the queen. Their development depends on how much food they receive when they're larvae. If there is abundance, some larvae will be "princess ants" (fertile and will leave the colony to start their own once the time is right).

Hmm... The Chimera Ants, however, seem to work quite different. Besides the whole "Ant Giving Birth to an Anthro Lion" and what not, they didn't end up starving once the queen died (which I read happens because there are no more larvae and the ants need them to properly feed) and many of them left to try starting colonies of their own (even some of the males seemed to want that, not just females like Zanzan)...

Perhaps this is more like some species of wasp? I've read that the queen produces a pheromone that keeps the others infertile. Once she dies, they battle for dominance in order to become the next queen. With the Chimera, however, they left for new territories rather than stay and fight...

...

Is there an entomologist in the house?

Neferpitou

The royal guards, regardless of Meruem’s presence, are not exactly easy to deal with even in their normal state (and I don’t think this is simply because they are not humans). Take them to Yandere level and, well, let’s just say it is not a pretty picture…

Pitou is not someone whose interest is easily aroused (she is the kind that “knows several people but regards only a few of them as her actual friends”) and, in a sense, the opposite is also true: It’s not easy to lose such interest, either. With her in Yandere-mode, well, it’s basically impossible. Once you’ve realized what is going, taking the usual measures to try dealing with it (such as moving, contacting the police, so on), don’t waste any time hoping she will “move on” or “change targets” as some stalkers do. It's not in her nature (both due to her personality and instincts).

Not that you would certainly realize what is going on right away. It would depend on her mood and how she decides to deal with her feelings (and she can’t change this decision): She may just go for the straight, extreme actions or keep a convincing facade of normality for a while… Regardless of whether this “normality” is you trying to kill each other or being friends (or she at least living in peace among humans)...

In the “enemies” case, Pitou would not spend days brooding about having fallen for an enemy and trying to get rid of those feelings. She would just shrug the situation off and start to debate whether it’s best to kidnap you right away or try to court you. If she’s working with other Ants for whatever reason or they just happen to be in the area, she would make sure everyone knows you are not to be hurt (and may God have mercy on whoever doesn’t listen). Her attacks would still be convincing from your point of view while being harmless playing in Pitou’s mind. After all, she lets you escape with no injures!

The “convincing facade” is more regarding how deep (and unsettling) her feelings are. In both scenarios, she would confess soon and, being what/how she is, likely act on it. No matter how much you explain you’re not interested or what arguments you use, Pitou would just wave her tail, perhaps ask what you mean exactly in that “innocently curious” tone of hers and… Completely ignore what you just said.

Well, okay, maybe you need to remember she isn’t completely human, so you can’t demand that she behaves like one, right?

Oh, boy, are you making a mistake… Not being human doesn’t mean that Pitou doesn’t understand that there are limits.

She understands.

She just couldn’t care less.

Remember when she probed Pokkles’ brain with him still alive? When Gon and Killua saw her for the first time? This is nothing next to how she can be when she’s obsessed with you.

I mentioned she would act on her feelings, right? Here’s another thing: She is also likely to do so in the manner of an animal trying to attract a particular mate. And because we’re talking Yandere-mode, I don’t mean the “bird dancing” or “penguin offering a pebble”. Not even the “cat giving you a dead prey”…

If you’re friends/she’s living in the human society, there would be some restraint at first, to the point her insistence would seem innocent… Then she would either grow impatient and kidnap you, or things would escalate, giving you hints to the darkness of her feelings until you’re forced to accept that this friend is a threat to you. Maybe after returning home, you find a note in your bed in which Pitou wrote that she loves how soft your bed is, how your home’s security is lacking… And, by the way, that person seems to have a crush on you… Hmm… Should she break their hands or their legs? The playful tone of the note only makes it darker.

Somehow you know she is not kidding.

If you’re enemies, well, she has no reason to restrain herself from the start. Her interactions with you would become far darker even if she miiight not kidnap you right away (for whatever reason) especially since she wouldn’t waste time playing by human rules. Pitou would find a way to make a claim (pinning you down, rubbing herself against you like a cat, and even leaving a love bite/hickey on your neck are very much on the table) or say it loud and clear in battle when there are other humans around. This isn’t just for the other humans, but for you as well: You’re hers, now. There is no room for discussion.

Also, in this scenario, it’s not impossible that Pitou’s “love” started with her deciding to make you her pet. Collar and all.

It should be said that Pitou is a cat in almost every sense, so the tendency to “play with her food” is very much present... Yes, she sees you as a “mate” rather than “prey”, but your attempts to avoid/hide from her consist of an opportunity that is far too good to miss! You change address and, after a few days, start to relax… Only for her to leave a new “present” at your door! It’s both funny and cute how you thought something so simple would keep her away! Awww, you’re so adorable!

Again, it’s true that some of her actions (such as this) have no malice whatsoever behind them, but I repeat, don’t let yourself be fooled: She is very much aware that what she is doing is creepy and wrong and why. I’m repeating this because Pitou can be as charming and cute as a cat… And as devious and sadistic as any human.

While some yanderes give you time (perhaps hoping you’ll eventually come around or because chasing you is so much fun), Pitou is among those who won’t take long before deciding to “take you home”.

Pitou loves having you all to herself and will be very affectionate, especially when it’s just the two of you. Maybe this sounds a little cute on principle? Yeah, trust me, it is not. It’s terrifying! Even when you reject her and she caresses your head saying you’re cute, you can see the insanity in her eyes, mixed with a sick infatuation.

It doesn’t help that, at times, her being “affectionate” involves brushing your hair, cuddling and even bathing together. Not only this invasion of space can already be uncomfortable, something about how Pitou does it makes you feel too much like a pet, especially when she talks about how much she loves you, how lovely you are, and how she is never going to let you go. In this situation, and the way she speaks, those words make you feel cold.

You should have realized by now that there is no reasoning with her and this isn’t because she is not human. Pitou is likely to twist your arguments or make points that would frankly make you think she learned from Illumi or Hisoka (and she only does that because she thinks it’s funny, anyway).

As for Pitou, well, she can’t say she is happy that you’re uncomfortable, but she believes it’s just temporary and you’ll get used to your new life… Hey, humans capture animals all the time to put them in zoos or circus. She isn’t that bad in comparison, now, is she?

She’s easily the kind of yandere that responds to pleas for freedom by caressing your head and saying you’re cute. How could she possibly let you go? You’d run away! Besides, she can keep you well-fed and protected. You say such silly things, love!

That’s not to say Pitou doesn’t have a limit to how much rejection she can take or her patience. And this is a line you don’t want to cross. It’s hard to say if Pitou would get to the point of physical punishment, but this doesn’t mean she wouldn’t make use of other means.

Menthuthyoupi.

It’s not easy to catch the attention of any of the Royal Trio, each for their own reasons. In Youpi’s case, it’s partially because he doesn’t have any human DNA on him, so despite being able to communicate and all, he doesn’t usually pay that much attention to people. It’s almost like he’s an alien (or we are, in his view). Even in a scenario when he is living in peace with humans, he doesn’t have exactly a clear opinion about them. They just exist. Maybe a few of them are okay enough, but that’s it… And in a scenario when he is still fighting them, well, they are the enemy. It’s pretty simple.

Youpi is direct, both in personality and as a Chimera Ant (in that he follows his instincts without hesitation). As such, like Pitou, he wouldn’t avoid his feelings once he comes to understand them. It’s a little strange, yes, but he accepts the fact that he loves you and that’s it. That said, Youpi would be initially confused (especially if you’re an enemy. How on Earth did he develop this sort of feeling for someone he’s supposed to kill?), and he wouldn’t make a move until he is sure of what he is feeling and what he wants.

Sadly, because this isn’t him in a healthy state of mind, this doesn’t mean anything good for you. This isn’t a shy monster-boy finding a human he considers special. This isn’t even “enemies falling in love” or “dark romance”. This is an “already dangerous individual” developing an equally dangerous obsession.

At first, Youpi starts to stalk you (if you’re his enemy/if you’ve never spoken before) or try to find excuses to spend more time with you (if you’re on friendly terms) in this attempt to understand exactly what is going on with himself. During this time, his feelings for you become stronger along with his desire to know everything about you. He’s curious. He’s fascinated. He wants to see you more often. He wants to talk with you… He just wants to be near you…

It’s pretty disturbing because, despite his size, Youpi will find the means to stalk you without anyone realizing it, just like an animal hunting. You may notice a shadow here and now, feel a chill up your spine, but it won’t be enough to make the danger clear enough. If you two are enemies, there are chances you’ll realize that there is something is wrong, as he either avoids fighting you (no issues with anyone else, though) or that he doesn’t seem to be actively trying to hurt you as much as before… Despite this, you’ll never, ever imagine he is in love with you.

Well, disturbing as it may be, it sounds almost as harmless as he can be in this scenario, right?

Not the case. You can’t forget how obsession grows, how it affects a person, and that it gets to the point when merely stalking isn’t enough. There is no such thing as a harmless yandere/stalker. So even if Youpi, at first, is satisfied with merely watching you from afar and making sure you aren’t hurt, it starts to not be enough. He sees you with your friends, smiling at them, hugging them, laughing… And he starts to imagine how it would be to have you doing these things with him, to be the one who makes you smile, to be the one holding you… And he realizes he wants it.

He loves you. He wants you.

And there is no reason to not act on those feelings.

Regardless of the circumstances between you, he seems to take the rejection well (if you manage to control the shock, act calmly and explain your reasons for it). At first, he thinks about your points and may even understand them… Only to find out that he doesn’t care. He can’t forget you. He can’t let go of you… And honestly, he doesn’t really want to. That you don’t feel the same now doesn’t matter. Don’t some couples start not feeling the same for each other, only for those feelings to change later?

In the case of “peaceful existence”, it might be easier to get a glimpse of his instability than with the Neferpitou, but it doesn’t make much of a difference. Even the precautions people normally take in those situations would only work for a certain time… The myth of the animal that “will pursue its prey to the ends of the Earth once it has its scent” is true when it comes down to Youpi (literally even).

Now, while Youpi is less likely to resort to kidnapping (at least right away), he would still find ways to inject himself into your life, so even then, you can’t say you’re free. He may not go straight to threatening your loved ones (and it’s hard to predict if he would follow with it), but there are many other tactics that he could and would use.

And being less likely to kidnap you doesn’t mean he wouldn’t if he didn’t decide it is the better course of action. After all, no matter how strong you prove yourself to be, it doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt. If he keeps you, he can’t make sure you’re safe.

Either way, there is no way to be free of him.

If he kidnapped you, Youpi wouldn’t go so far as to place you in an actual cage or chain you up, but he would find means to make sure you can’t leave.

He is easily the most patient of the trio, including with your rejections and attempts to escape. It doesn’t please him and nothing can convince him to let you go, but at least Youpi doesn’t get angry, condescending, or twist things around. In fact, it gets to the point when you can lose control and try hitting him that he wouldn’t even raise his voice. He would just hold your wrists (carefully) and try to calm you down…

Now, just because he isn’t human, it doesn’t mean Youpi is unable to understand that what he is doing is wrong and why you’re so unhappy. Hey, animals also don’t like to be taken from the place they consider their home like that. He can relate, he can understand. But his obsession is too great for him to let you go and, instead, he hopes that you’ll adapt with time.

Not having human genes and understanding even less about humans than Pitou and Pouf, in his desire to make you comfortable (and make you accept him), Youpi would likely try to learn what he can about humans (probably even asking for Pitou’s help).

For Youpi, your presence alone makes him feel good. While he wouldn’t force you into things that make you uncomfortable or excessively invade your personal space the way Pitou might, there would still be times when Youpi would want to show you some affection. Chances are, he would enjoy holding you close (especially because, next to him, you feel so small and cute) and nuzzling you, which is not only a common expression of affection among animals, but it also gives him an extra opportunity to enjoy your scent.

Youpi might be less cruel than most of yanderes, but this doesn’t mean much. At the end of the day, whether he has kidnapped you or not, the situation is still essentially the same. You’re being hurt either way…

Shaiapouf.

Even in his normal state of mind, for all his apparent calmness and self-control, it’s been showed several times that Pouf can be actually quite intense with his emotions, to the point they cloud his thoughts (and that’s a polite way to say it). Well, multiply that by a thousand and you’ll only scratch the surface of how he becomes as a Yandere.

Even if, by some miracle, this is a scenario where Pouf lives peacefully with humans it doesn’t mean he likes them. It’s more that he “tolerates” and “accepts” their existence as an unpleasant fact and it’s very much unlikely he would have human friends (he would probably find a way to live with comfort and luxury while having as little contact as possible with them). In a sense, you can compare him to some yokais in Inuyasha… He doesn’t go out of his way to antagonize humans (and risk a fight), but he sure as hell doesn’t care for them.

Until you, that is.

Pouf will never be able to say when his feelings for you started to grow and it will take a long time for him to understand them. By the time this happens, well, he is way into “Obsession Land”. Once he can no longer deny what he feels and it hits him that he loves you, his first reaction is… Well, pretty much an emotional tantrum, followed by self-despise and intense fury. How could he ever fall for a human? Disgraceful! Terrible! How could he fall so low? He even tries to hate you for making him feel that way, only to realize he can’t.

This lasts for a while, with him trying to convince himself to bury those feelings, no matter what it takes. If you two are enemies, be prepared: Pouf may consider killing you as the only way to “get rid of this shame”. He soon realizes he can’t bear the idea of you being hurt, let alone by him (well, like this, I mean)… But at least you’re not having to deal with his obsession yet.

Sadly, it doesn’t mean this will last long enough for something to happen before things get out of control. Pouf can’t get you out of his mind, possibly deciding to “observe you” in order to “remind himself” that you’re just a human: Flawed, inferior, and unworthy. This evolves into stalking and has the opposite effect: He becomes more and more infatuated, as well as worried that you might get hurt. You’re so beautiful, so gentle… You should not be fighting! At all! Oh, you’re an angel. No wonder he fell for you! You’re perfect for him!

If this is the “peaceful scenario”, the course of events is still pretty similar, no matter how you’ve met. At first, wanting to get you out of his system, he may be cold whenever you meet and even a little nasty, but it won’t work. He will start to long for more of your presence and if he manages to spend time with you, to consider you only of the few (if not the only) human who is better than the rest of the masses.

Either way, once he accepts that he loves you, you’re screwed.

In the “enemy scenario”, Pouf may try once to convince you to come with him, speaking highly of you and how much he loves you… In his mind, it’s poetry. In reality? The words may be pretty, but the way he says them, the shine in his eyes, the way he insists to hold your hands between his… Well, it’s creepy. Pouf may accept you denying him for a while, but it won’t take long until he seizes the first chance he has to take you. He was just being polite, offering you the chance of doing so by choice (if he does that when you’re gravely injured in a battle, he will use that frequently to point out he saved you and how you need him to keep you safe).

In the “peaceful scenario”, again, it’s not that much a different course of events. Your attempts to make him understand you’re not interested are ignored and there is precious little that anyone can do to keep you safe and, yes, including the Hunter Organization. He would do everything to get you.

In his mind, he is not doing anything wrong. If anything, his actions are almost heroic and proof of his devotion to you.

When you wake up in an unknown location and start to freak out or try to escape, Pouf reacts as if this is just adorable, then going on about how he loves you and wants to keep you safe. And let me tell you, this isn’t a “flowery speech” or like his funny moments in the anime. At this moment you realize you’re in a lot of trouble and that the chances of Pouf ever letting you go are non-existent.

It's not easy to determine exactly how deep his delusion goes; if it’s only about the “perfect life” you two will share or if it includes you. It’s not impossible that Pouf isn’t really in love with you, but rather an idealized version of you. He may also believe that, deep down, you do love him and just need time to realize it.

Pouf is the “adoring” kind of Yandere. He would love to spoil you, care for you, and would want to lavish you with gifts. Perhaps you’d expect him to be the less dangerous of the trio, or at least the most manageable, right? You’re dead wrong. Pouf is actually the worst of them, maybe even on the list of the worst yanderes of all Hunter cast.

His personality also means Pouf doesn’t believe anyone is worthy of your attention and if there is anyone you like (or that he thinks you like), it’s just because they’re manipulative and toxic. It’s his sacred duty to keep you safe from such scum! Perhaps the better term for him, rather than “jealous”, would be “possessive”. As far as he is concerned, you have no need to get in contact with another human ever again.

You thought he hated Komugi? Trust me, that was nothing compared to this.

He would lock you in a room, which you’d only leave while accompanied by him (he can’t have you trying to run off, can he?). Actually… If that happens, you should be glad. This guy isn’t above placing bars along a corner of his chambers (they are certainly large enough), turning that area into your “room” (bed and all). It certainly would appeal to him, especially since it gives him more chance to watch you.

There are stories about how excessive love can be suffocating, the “The Chaser” episode from the “Twilight Zone”… Well, Pouf’s love wouldn’t follow this line. This would be just tiresome. His adoration is frightening, even for a Yandere. The way he’s so sweet to you is mixed with a certain darkness, not letting you forget you’re dealing with an unstable person.

He understands this is a time of adaptation for you and this change of life is a shock, but he wouldn’t be happy if you asked him to let you go every day. In the same sickly-sweet way of always, he will mix subtle (or not so subtle) threats with words of adoration. Maybe he should chain you up… Maybe you’re thinking about that person who (he believes) has a crush on you? Maybe he should make sure you never think of them again…

There is also the fact that Pouf is among the Yanderes who would have almost no respect for your personal space. For all his adoration of you, he can be quite manipulative and controlling: If he wants to hold you in his lap, brush your hair, have you sleeping next to him, dance with you, well… There is little point in fighting. You would have to choose your battles wisely and keep in mind that Pouf isn’t above tying you up if you “start to be difficult”. Some Yanderes are happy enough with having you with them and may have enough patience to “wait for you to love them back”… Well, with Pouf, it depends on his mood.

There would be times when his behavior is all “patient and loving” (more like he just smiles when you try to get away or lash out)… And times when he would basically “demand” that you love him. Not with words, though: You’d learn that there are times when it’s safer for you to act a little more loving towards him (within reason) rather than antagonize him.

[amostexcellentblog]

Every Judy Movie-#31

Way, way back in High School I set out to watch every single one of Judy Garland’s movies. Several I’ve rewatched many times since, others I had no desire to see again. Now, in honor of the centennial of her birth, I thought I’d do something with this knowledge and make a quick write up of my thoughts on all of them...

Title: Judgment at Nuremberg

Release Year: 1961

Plot Summary: Aging American judge Dan Haywood (Spencer Tracy) arrives in post-war Germany to preside over the latest in a series of military tribunals against members of the leadership of Nazi Germany, popularly known as the “Nuremberg trials.” Four German judges stand accused of crimes against humanity for rulings they handed down under the Nazi regime. Haywood seeks to understand how the German people could have turned a blind eye to the Nazi atrocities.

In doing this he encounters several characters who represent different points of view on the issue, including the zealously anti-Nazi prosecutor (Richard Widmark), and a widow (Marlene Dietrich) of a German general who insists “we did not know” and wishes to forget the war. Garland has the small but crucial role of Irene Hoffmann, a gentile who as a teenager was falsely accused of having an affair with an older Jewish man, which resulted in him being sentenced to death by one of the judges, despite no evidence to support such a verdict. Her testimony scene is the movie’s climax.

Thoughts: Producer/director Stanley Kramer didn’t invent the message movie, but he is probably the name most associated with it. From the modern perspective, the quality of his films varies greatly, some remain relevant, others are dated in their handling of what were once hot button issues. Judgement falls into the first category, in fact it’s probably the best film Kramer directed. 

This movie is an example of a message film done right. It doesn’t reduce the opposing viewpoints to caricatures just so it can make a point. It acknowledges the nuances to the arguments presented, even if it might make audiences uncomfortable. Despite releasing less than 20 years after the war ended, the movie doesn’t shy away from elements that make the Allies look less heroic. It acknowledges the support for eugenics programs in America, for example, something that none of my textbooks brought up. Despite its 3 hour runtime it never feels overlong, remaining gripping throughout with stunning performances from the whole cast.

And yes, it is extremely, depressingly, relevant to the modern day. As we in the U.S. now have to confront issues like growing fascism, how best to handle the fallout from the rule of a right-wing nationalist government, and a corrupt judiciary that abandons any principle of justice or fairness in order to roll back the rights of marginalized groups, the issues this film raises about accountability, responsibility, and judicial independence are timelier than ever. I don’t think watching this movie will solve those problems, but I do think it can help you understand and process them in a way a more clinical non-fiction approach might not be able to.

Can Be Enjoyed By: Diehard Fans Only | Casual Fans/Fans of Musicals in General | Essential Viewing for Everyone

[cheri-translates]

[CN] ASMR Transcripts (Victor)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for ASMRs which have not been released in English servers! 🍒

> reliance - 依赖

> warm embrace - 温暖怀抱

> seep into the heart - 沁入心扉

> entwined breaths - 交错呼吸

> pillows and stars - 枕星

> evening affection - 暮夜缱绻

reliance - 依赖

You aren’t sleeping yet?

Didn’t you say you were tired beyond compare?

But what?

If you’re tired, sleep early.

[ footsteps ]

I’ve closed the curtains. Go to sleep.

…what are you muttering about this time.

Hm?

Removing your make-up?

You know that you can’t sleep without removing your make-up, yet you aren’t getting up quickly.

You can’t get up?

….do you think you’re a three-year-old child?

[ Victor carries MC to the bathroom ]

I’m not carrying you? What’s the difference? The result is the same, so the method isn’t important.

…stop fidgeting. If you move again, I’ll put you down.

Your hand… hold on tight.

Mm, this is better.

Okay, get off.

Why aren’t you moving?

Why are you looking at me?

…you want me to help you?

…you’re insatiable.

Tell me, how am I supposed to help you?

Eye and lip makeup remover…

[ sound of bottles ]

On the right side? Oh, found it.

After that? Cotton pad… how much do I pour?

Why are you closing your eyes? You need to close your eyes to apply it?

…of course I know that.

You still have the energy to laugh? Looks like you’re not that tired. Do it yourself then.

All right, close your eyes.

Do I just leave it here and not move?

Thirty seconds? Okay…

You want to me say something? Okay. What do you want to hear?

Dummy… you took too long to think. Thirty seconds is already over.

–

I’m going to start wiping.

Is the strength okay?

Didn’t you say you’d get wrinkles if you wipe too hard?

“Who did you hear that from?” Who else could it be but you?

I wasn’t eavesdropping. You were muttering too loudly as usual.

…Spending your whole day on such meaningless things.

You’ll get them one day anyway.

What’s wrong?

Does it still hurt?

Don’t rub it. Come a little closer…

I’ll wipe it a little.

Does it feel better? …Why did you suddenly widen your eyes?

I call you a dummy, and you really start becoming clumsy.

–

Mm? You’re blaming me?

I’m just telling you the truth.

Everyone will grow old and get wrinkles.

But there’s no need to worry. I’ll grow old together with you.

What’s next…? Makeup remover…

Eh, remember not to open your eyes.

If it gets into your eyes, or if you feel pain, let me know immediately.

Is this all?

Why are you so nervous? Relax.

Sit still…

I’m not a dummy. Even if I don’t know how to use it, I know how to read the instructions.

Does it feel comfortable?

I’m going to wash it off now.

Come a little closer…

Okay, it’d be done soon.

You can sleep soon.

It’d be done in 20 seconds. Mm… if 20 seconds is too long, then 10 seconds.

It’s done.

Go back to sleep.

You don’t want to walk back on your own?

[ Victor lifts her up ]

Next time you want me to carry you, just tell me directly.

We’ve reached. Go to sleep.

You really do what you say, sleeping in a second.

[ Victor kisses MC ]

Rest well. Goodnight.

warm embrace - 温暖怀抱

What’s wrong?

You’re crying?

What happened?

You’re unwilling to tell me? That’s fine.

Remember to tidy up the tissues once you’re done.

The rubbish that you threw, throw it away yourself. Do you have an issue with that?

What’s wrong? No longer crying? Are you done?

If you want to cry, go on.

I will sit here and wait for you to finish crying. I won’t disturb you.

Sure you’re not longer crying?

No longer crying? Then go wash your face.

How long have you been crying alone? What made you cry until like this?

Give me the towel.

What exactly happened? Tell me.

Why are you crying again? You’re not allowed to cry. Your eyes are so swollen, and you’re still crying. Don’t they hurt?

All right, it’s late. Go to sleep. I’ll be with you.

Do your eyes still hurt?

Okay, I’ll massage them.

What shall we eat for breakfast tomorrow?

A few days ago, didn’t you keep bugging me about making you a lemon tart? Do you still want it?

I knew that you’d perk up once I mention food. Crying and then smiling - are you a three-year-old child?

Turn around. Let me look at your eyes. How did you cry yourself into a civet cat?

If your eyes can’t open, go to sleep. I’m turning off the lights.

Why are you hugging me so tightly?

You felt wronged?

I’m not making fun of you. Don’t you love to cry? It’s not like it’s the first time.

Tsk, you bit me? Looks like you haven’t cried enough.

All right, stop playing around. Keep your small sharp teeth away. Be quiet and listen to me.

When you feel wronged, it’s normal to cry. But you can’t just know how to cry. When it comes to trivial problems, and the initial emotions have passed, you need to let it go. Don’t keep turning it over and over in your head. Only when you’ve calmed down can you find a solution to the problem.

Not making a sound – You don’t like hearing these things?

All right, I won’t talk about these principles.

Looking at how silly you are, of course you’d be knocked down by a small problem.

What’s wrong? Not acknowledging that you’re foolish?

I know what you’re crying about. But you must know that there are a lot of circumstances in the world that are out of our control. The causes and reasons behind every circumstance is complicated.

In a world where it’s impossible to know everything, it’s normal that we experience things we cannot understand and find difficult to accept. Even so, we have to accept it.

There are many ways to accept it. Crying is also one of them. However, only for one night.

The dummy I know will not be defeated by this small problem.

Don’t rub your eyes. When you wake up, your eyes wouldn’t be painful anymore.

[ Victor kisses MC ]

Sleep. Everything will be okay.

seep into the heart - 沁入心扉

Why did you only turn the night light on?

What?

[ sound of footsteps ]

Have you been waiting on the carpet until now?

You specially waited for me.

All right, I’ll sit nearer.

It’s only fun if I open the present in the dark?

Can’t you have a change of pattern?

Hm? I can only open half of it first?

Tell me. You gave me a gift, so why do I have guess first?

You’re insatiable.

Fine.

It seems heavy.

Is it a pillow?

I’m wrong?

Hm. Let me feel it a little more.

Why does it feel cooling?

I haven’t guessed it yet.

Give me a hint.

I can open another quarter? You’re really…

So what’s this saying?

Come closer.

Help me press it.

[ sound of the gift being opened ]

This is… a cooling pillow? Or a cushion?

I’m still wrong?

It’s too dark. I can’t see.

When do you plan to disclose the answer?

[ rustling and footsteps ]

I already guessed it and you still said I was wrong.

I think you’re getting bolder.

Why did you think of giving me a cooling cushion?

Because the weather is hot?

Mm. I have been sitting in front of the computer for long durations recently.

I need it.

It’s good to be tired.

I will be sure to take rest.

Unlike some dummy, who, in order to give me a present, has already yawned twice

And you still say you’re not tired?

Changing the topic again.

Mm. It is very comfortable. I like it a lot.

However, why were you being mischievous just now?

I’ll give you half a minute to explain.

[ awkward silence ]

What? You can’t craft a reason?

You’re really…

[ rustling sounds. MC starts massaging him? ]

This tactic doesn’t work.

What are you thinking about?

I moved over so you can experience the cushion with me.

[ footsteps ]

Mm.

How is it? Comfortable?

Come up a little.

Come up a little more.

You’re really…

How about now?

[ Victor’s delectable breathing sounds ]

I also find it very comfortable.

You can touch it.

[ TOUCHING SOUNDS ]

Doesn’t your back feel much cooler?

What did you say?

Water bed?

It’d indeed be more comfortable.

The shopping mall nearby has it.

No need to trouble yourself.

If you like it, I’ll buy one for you.

What’s wrong? You’re getting tired?

Then sleep.

Hm? Why are you holding onto my clothes?

You don’t want to sleep?

Then, do you want to have supper?

I brought some small bites back.

You don’t want to eat?

You don’t want to eat or have supper.

Tell me. What exactly are you thinking?

Dummy.

[ Victor kisses MC ]

Were you thinking about this?

Mm.

[ Victor kisses MC ]

Dummy.

Close your eyes.

entwined breaths - 交错呼吸

You can fall asleep while reading a book…

[ Victor flips through the book ]

Hm?

You’re always mumbling in your sleep.

[ Victor flips through the book ]

[ MC wakes up. Rustling of sheets ]

You’re awake?

“Basic Massage Techniques.”

Why are you looking at such a book?

You want to give me a massage?

You’re really putting what you learnt into practice.

Tell me. What do I have to do?

Lie here? Okay.

[ Victor moaning ]

The technique isn’t bad.

But… did I not feed you enough at night?

Use more strength.

Continue.

I won’t interrupt your performance.

[ Victor moaning ]

Over here.

[ Victor moaning ]

It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt.

I’ve been on planes recently, so it’s a little stiff here.

[ Victor moaning ]

All right, that’s enough.

Your hands aren’t tired?

You’ve clearly got enough sleep.

You’re very energetic.

The sofa is so narrow.

You don’t feel uncomfortable?

Come here.

Sit on my lap.

It’s more comfortable than the sofa.

You can continue.

[ Victor moaning ]

Hm? What’s wrong? You’re feeling shy now?

Fine, I won’t stare at you.

What are your hands touching?

My face needs a massage too?

Such strange logic.

When it comes to these things, you’ve really done your research.

[ Victor moaning ]

That’s a good analogy.

If 10 is the full mark, it’d be a 8.5.

You’re unsatisfied with this evaluation?

[ Victor kisses MC ]

Are you satisfied now?

[ Victor moaning ]

No need…

I don’t need a massage there.

[ Victor moaning ]

You’re still not being honest.

[ Victor moaning ]

You’re getting bolder.

What’s wrong? You want to lean against me?

What’s wrong? You’ve sprained your wrist?

You’re really a dummy.

Be good and sit here.

I’ll bring an ice pack over.

Why are you pulling me?

If it isn’t serious, I’ll just press it for you.

Give me your hand.

Wasn’t someone very happy when pinching my face just now?

Now you know what pain is.

How’s this?

Does it hurt?

All right. I’ll be more gentle.

How does it feel now? Does it still hurt?

If it doesn’t hurt, relax a little more.

How about now?

I’ll have to exert some pressure now.

If it hurts, let me know.

Don’t be too nervous.

I know how far to go and when to stop.

Relax.

I wouldn’t do anything to you.

What did you just say?

What do you mean by “9 marks”?

Only higher than you by 0.5?

I think you’re becoming more and more insatiable

Hm?

You know what pain is now?

You said you wanted to help me relax, and yet caused trouble for me again.

You don’t plan to compensate me with something?

I remember what I promised you. I wouldn’t go back on my word.

These are two different things.

Your memory is very good when it comes to these things.

Put the blanket over yourself properly. Wait for a while.

What’s wrong? Have you thought of how you’re going to compensate me?

Let’s hear it.

You’re too soft.

Lean closer.

[ Rustling sounds ]

Even closer. [laughs]

pillows and stars - 枕星

[ Sounds of waves on the shore. MC splashes her feet in the water ]

Do you want to look at the stars or stand around looking silly?

Aren’t you tired from lifting your head?

Come over and lie down.

Are you going to say that before today, you never would have thought Victor would be accompanying you to lie on the beach and watch the stars?

I said it before.

There’s nothing you can’t think about, and there’s nothing I can’t guess.

You’re here to look at the stars. Not to look at me.

Your eyes should be lifted upwards.

[ Victor laughs ]

Are the stars here what you expected?

Me?

I saw the stars frequently when I was small.

On a roof in Èze.

It felt the same as right now.

Not requiring much thought, nor needing to care about how much time has gone by. It’s just that I became too busy later on. Moreover, I can also see the stars from LFG’s roof. Or rather, I need to face even more important things than looking at the stars. [ Victor sighs ] There was indeed a time. When I forgot to lift my head up to have a look. [ Victor sighs ]

Translated by @cheri-translates on Tumblr ( ́・ᴗ・ ` ) When LFG was first established, there were some problems with the way the management was

run.

Every day, there would be a continuous stream of issues.

None of them could be held off to the next day.

I had no choice but to busy myself till late.

And the employees who were waiting for my official replies would also have to wait till late.

It took a long time before LFG could slowly get on the right path.

Saying all this is meant to tell you that I’ve taken the crooked path before.

So you don’t have to feel dejected every time you make a mistake.

Moreover, many things don’t have a right or wrong in the first place.

It’s just that every person has a different way of thinking.

I remember telling you that if you ever feel too fatigued, you can quieten your heart and think - which area did the problem surface from?

After finding it, think of a solution, and arrange a work tempo that belongs to you. Don’t keep getting led by the tempo outside.

Don’t be so quick to retort.

Think first. Give it some thought before doing it.

Even if the final conclusion is that there isn’t space for improvement, at least it’s a conclusion that has gone through contemplation.

When you face the troublesome problem again, you’ll have a more calm attitude. True, this isn’t an ingenious method. It’s just experience.

But you wouldn’t lose out from giving it a try.

At least LFG has been operating quite well till now.

It shows that this method has its merits.

[ Victor takes a deep breath ]

And after that...

You wanted to watch the sunset, then the sea, then the cherry blossoms, then the snow mountain.

You want to do whatever you think of. There isn’t a single moment of tranquilly. For example, right now.

[ Victor takes a deep breath ]

But I agree with your view.

Finding time to relax and take a break is a very important thing.

You’re right.

There’s a need to look upwards sometimes.

[ Victor takes a deep breath ]

I also think the starry sky is beautiful.

Looking at the stars like this makes me feel as though the surrounding clamour doesn’t have anything to do with us.

No matter how important work is, or how tedious life is, they can’t be compared to living this moment seriously.

Mm. Even your silly smile right now - I’ll remember it too.

[ Victor takes a deep breath ]

Are you cold?

Come closer.

[ Rustling sounds as MC shifts closer ]

I asked you to come closer.

I’ll block the wind for you.

I didn’t let you lean your whole body on me. [ Victor grunts ]

Why are you burying your face in my arms?

Are you still looking at the stars?

If you aren’t, I can bring you back.

If there’s something you want to do, say it directly.

I can’t understand the hemming and hawing used specially by dummies. But it’s not that I can’t make a guess.

[ Victor laughs, kisses MC, breathes heavily, and kisses her again ]

What’s so difficult about guessing the thoughts of a dummy?

Turn your face over.

Do you really want to bury your face in the sand and become a turtle?

Close your eyes.

Be obedient.

Close your eyes.

[ Victor takes deep breaths ]

When we left home, didn’t you want me to give you a night you’ll never forget for the rest of your life?

Whatever I promise you, I will always fulfil it. Tonight - I’ll remember it.

[ Victor takes deep breaths ]

You aren’t allowed to forget either.

evening affection - 暮夜缱绻

[ washing sounds + hair dryer blowing ]

Your face is so red.

Are you too warm after the bath?

If you lean over, just lean over.

Where are you putting your hand?

Why is it so fragrant?

Just how many types of body lotions did you apply?

Guess the smell?

Is this a little game before bed?

You were dillydallying in the bathroom for such a long time just to fiddle with this?

Since you don’t feel like sleeping yet,

I’ll satisfy you.

You said it yourself.

If I guess correctly, I’ll naturally claim a prize.

[ ruffling sounds ]

Tell me.

Where do you want me to start?

Okay.

Turn your head over a little.

Ticklish?

I’m not even touching you.

What’s so ticklish?

[ ruffling sounds + sniffing ]

The smell on your neck -

It’s lemon.

I haven’t moved.

Why are you hiding?

Aren’t you tired like this?

If you aren’t comfortable, come over a little.

Lean on me.

[ sniffing ]

There’s a scent of tangerine on your wrist.

Looks like I’ve guessed correctly.

Where’s the next location?

[ sniffing ]

What posture are you going for?

Sit still.

Don’t move.

If the location is wrong, I’m not taking responsibility.

[ sniffing ]

The scent on your waist -

It’s rose.

I can tell that you’re taking the trouble to increase the difficulty level.

But the scent of the rose’s fragrance is very obvious.

It can be identified in a short while.

[ sniffing ]

What?

You feel unaccomplished?

Even lower.

[ sniffing ]

It’s lavender.

[ sniffing ]

The ankles -

It’s grapefruit.

The game is over.

However,

Don’t you think this game was far too easy for me?

You haven’t thought about it yet?

Since the beginning of last week, you’ve been placing different types of body lotion in the bathroom.

Of course I noticed them at a glance.

Dummy.

What are you doing now?

Applying body lotion for me?

I can cooperate with you.

Just treat it as

Me gaining slight interest in this little game before bed.

What’s wrong?

This position isn’t convenient?

Which position do you want me to change to?

Anything is fine,

As long as you find it comfortable.

[ MC applies lotion ]

You’ve got it all over your hands.

Is that much really necessary?

It’s too fragrant.

As expected, it’s a scent only a dummy would like.

Continue.

Are you sure this is the way to apply body lotion?

Doesn’t your hand feel sore like this?

All right.

It’s time for this little game to end.

My favorite scent?

Aren’t you clearest about that?

Hm? Your face is red.

What are you thinking about?

I’m referring to when I hug you.

[kiss] Close your eyes.

Right now,

I should claim my prize.

[heartofether]

Episode 15 - Elderberries TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

[LOWER-PITCHED AND SLOWER THAN NORMAL] Please state your message.

[THEME SONG PLAYS.]

VAL

Three-eyed Frog Presents: The Heart of Ether.

[THEME SONG FADES TO A STOP.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. THE POPPY GARDEN MOTEL, AGENT MAY AND JUNES’ ROOM, EARLY MORNING.]

AGENT JUNE

Oh, is it on? I dunno how this recording device works. Would have been, like, ten times easier to just record on our phones, but, eh.

Anyways, it’s just me right now, which means I get to do all the talking. Guess I should, I dunno, talk about the mission? Daughtler?

Oh! I know. There’s this candy store downtown that displays massive gummy bears in the window, only it’s so hot outside that the bears have started melting. It’s some mix of disturbing, but also hilarious? Seriously, those bears look so sad, I can’t help but laugh.

Let’s see. Say, what’s that stupid thing he always says? [DRAMATICALLY MOCKING AGENT MAY] This is Operation Saturn, phase 1.2. Conducted by Agents May and June. All recordings are property of the—

[AS AGENT JUNE TALKS, THE DOOR IS HEARD OPENING AND CLOSING. THERE ARE FOOTSTEPS AS AGENT MAY WALKS IN.]

AGENT MAY

Here’s your coffee.

AGENT JUNE

Much obliged! Oh, you got it with oat milk, right?

AGENT MAY

[SLIGHTLY BITTER] It cost extra, but yes.

AGENT JUNE

Aw, hell yeah.

[AGENT JUNE TAKES HIS DRINK.]

AGENT MAY

I’ve never understood the excitement behind alternative milks.

AGENT JUNE

Hey, I’m lactose intolerant. Not that that would stop me from consuming dairy in most scenarios, but oat milk hits, alright? You should give it a shot.

AGENT MAY

I don’t put milk in my coffee, just sugar.

AGENT JUNE

Mm. Gross.

AGENT MAY

[HE HUFFS A SIGH.] Well, I’ll stop judging your coffee order if you stop judging mine.

AGENT JUNE

I’ll agree to that, sure.

[HE TAKES A SIP, THEN] See anything of note in the coffeeshop?

AGENT MAY

[UNCOMFORTABLY] Maybe. There was this girl sitting at a table. She was wearing all-black, which is strange considering the weather.

AGENT JUNE

Uh, ever heard of fashion? Dude, you literally wear a suit every day! No wonder you overheat. I mean, why do you think I skip the blazer?

AGENT MAY

[IRRITATED] At least I wear my tie correctly.

AGENT JUNE

I leave it undone on purpose, alright? It’s a statement.

AGENT MAY

Do you know how to tie a tie?

AGENT JUNE

[DEFENSIVE] Yes!

[AN UNCOMFORTABLY LONG PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

So, there was this girl in the coffeeshop.

AGENT MAY

She seemed fairly young. Must have been in either high school or college. She was staring at me over her laptop the whole time. Like she was, I don’t know, stalking prey. It was like her eyes were knives, and she was trying to carve my flesh off.

AGENT JUNE

So, she defo wasn’t just idly looking or whatever. Like, you’re pretty sure she was thinking about killing you?

AGENT MAY

Well, there’s no way I can know for certain, now, is there?

[A BEAT.] She was wearing a black fabric surgical mask, though.

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

Do you think she was—?

AGENT MAY

I can’t say for sure.

AGENT JUNE

I mean, it might have been an accessory, but we’re in Daughtler, Washington—

AGENT MAY

I’m not going back there to check. Okay? If we see her again, maybe we can consider interviewing her, but I don’t feel comfortable going back to see her.

AGENT JUNE

[UNDERSTANDING] Alright.

[AGENT MAY SIGHS.]

AGENT JUNE

[CONT.] Alright. I won’t force you.

AGENT MAY

I—I appreciate that.

[THERE'S A PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

Uh, how’d you sleep?

AGENT MAY

About as well as I could in a car seat.

AGENT JUNE

Okay, I can’t just keep letting you sleep in the car. It was kind of funny at first, but now I just— [HIS SENTENCE TRAILS OFF IN VAGUE STUTTERS.]

AGENT MAY

[BEAT.] Well?

AGENT JUNE

I feel bad! Alright? I mean, look at me, I have this whole room to myself, and meanwhile, my partner is sleeping in a company vehicle that may or may not have bloodstains in the backseat.

[BEAT, THEN] Actually, I’d love to talk about those weird dark stains later, because uh, what, but I’ll let it slide for now. It’s still gotta be super uncomfortable, though.

AGENT MAY

We could always take turns.

AGENT JUNE

No, what I’m saying is I don’t think either of us have to sleep in the car! There has got to be a better solution.

AGENT MAY

The Foundation already declined giving us a second room, or trying to transfer us to a larger one. Trust me, I tried.

AGENT JUNE

Dammit.

[A LONG PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

It's king-sized, you know.

[ANOTHER LONG PAUSE.]

AGENT MAY

Do you think the motel has spare blankets? I think I could try sleeping on the floor.

[THOUGH UNSEEN, AGENT JUNE LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA LIKE HE’S IN THE OFFICE.]

AGENT MAY

…I’ll go down and ask later.

AGENT JUNE

Good idea.

[A BEAT. THERE'S SUIT RUSTLING AS AGENT MAY CHECKS HIS WATCH.]

AGENT MAY

We should head out soon.

AGENT JUNE

You’re really glued to that watch of yours, huh?

AGENT MAY

Excuse me?

AGENT JUNE

Not that it’s bad, you just check it a lot. I don’t really know what watch etiquette is, but I think you look at it more than most people do. I’ve also noticed you tend to look at it more around specific times? Is there a reason, or—?

AGENT MAY

[MORE SERIOUS THAN THE CONVERSATION WARRANTS] It’s none of your business. Perhaps I simply prefer to keep on schedule. Let’s go.

AGENT JUNE

[SLIGHTLY CONFUSED] Oh, um, okay. Sorry. [UNDER HIS BREATH] Jeez. Let me just—

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER BEEP.]

[INT. THE OPEN EYES BOOKSTORE BACKROOM, EARLY, EARLY MORNING.]

HOLLY

Are you recording?

PHOEBE

Yes, yes, I am.

HOLLY

Kind of weird to be doing this so early in the morning.

PHOEBE

I’m sorry, I know it’s super early. Night just felt…well, it felt more dangerous, I guess? Even Grandma Doe recommended not doing it too late. I wanted to get it done before the shop opened, though.

HOLLY

Oh no, I don’t mind. I guess people usually just consider night to be “the witching hour.”

PHOEBE

This isn’t really witchcraft, though, is it?

HOLLY

Guess not. Most modern witchcraft is a lot more…chill, I guess?

PHOEBE

Right. [A BEAT.] Do you think it’s really a good idea to be doing this in the back room?

HOLLY

Well, it’s not like we have anywhere else. It’d be super shady if we did it right outside, and your forestry friend would be pissed if we went out into the woods to do it.

PHOEBE

[NERVOUS] There’s so much paper, though. I mean, we could easily set the whole thing alight. My apartment’s really small, I know, but maybe we could—?

HOLLY

Don’t worry about it. We did a pretty good job clearing stuff out to make space, I think. It should be fine, I mean, a lot of the most flammable stuff either got moved out or shoved against the wall.

Besides, didn’t she say that it might be good to do it here for like, symbolic purposes?

PHOEBE

Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right. [SHE CHUCKLES.] Maybe this will finally give me incentive to organize everything.

HOLLY

[SHE LAUGHS, SOMEWHAT NERVOUSLY.] If this works, then hopefully you’ll be able to do that anyways.

PHOEBE

That’s true, yes. I, um, guess we should get started. Can you read the directions?

HOLLY

Of course.

[HOLLY IS HEARD UNFOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER.]

HOLLY

[READING] The purpose of all of this is energy. You are lighting fire to produce energy. You are grinding berries and eating them to produce it as well. Ether functions under this key desire for vitality. If you can understand this simple principle, this keen need it has, it will treat you much more kindly.

By designing this ritual for you, my hope is that it will spell out as clear as day to Ether what you are trying to achieve. It rarely gives people what they want, rather it gives what it sees fit for them. You must steer it in the correct direction, or else it will choose a different fate for you.

These instructions are similar to what Valencia and I did, as well as symbolic for what you hope to achieve. However, nobody has ever developed an exact science for how these rituals function. We may only rely on guesswork and hope. While I would like to develop more specific procedures and instructions, I do not know if I ever will. Perhaps that could be your task.

[BREAKING READING] Could I skip her whole monologue? We already read it, and I don’t think it’s important in-the-moment.

PHOEBE

Sure.

HOLLY

Cool.

[SHE FLIPS THE PAPER.]

HOLLY

Materials needed: Yarn or string to create a casting circle. Some people use salt, but it produces an awful mess. Several circles of yarn around you and your workspace will work just fine.

PHOEBE

We did that already.

HOLLY

Yup. [READING AGAIN] Three white candles with words carved into them. It does not matter what the words are, they simply have to be legible and completely cover the candle. No numbers. I just wrote out song lyrics on that one.

PHOEBE

Oh, that’s neat! I, um, did poems I like.

HOLLY

Cute. [A BEAT.] A lighter or match of some kind. Someplace to safely burn paper—we got a metal bin, so we’re good. Did you turn off the smoke alarm?

PHOEBE

I did, yeah.

HOLLY

Let’s hope the place doesn’t burn down, then. [CHUCKLE, THEN] I’m joking, I promise. It should be fine. [SHE CLEARS HER THROAT.]

A book—you will be tearing out each individual page, so to save time, I suggest a children’s book. A bowl or container of some kind. Elderberries, I recommend you cook them beforehand, but make sure none of them are pre-mashed. Something to mash the elderberries with. Finally, a few drops of your blood, or something to draw blood with. That’s what the sewing needle is for, right? You sure you don’t want a blade? I have a pocket knife.

PHOEBE

[UNCOMFORTABLE] I get nervous around knives, but thank you for the offer.

Oh—actually, I wanted to ask, um, where did you find elderberries? I couldn’t find them anywhere.

HOLLY

I asked the bartender down the street.

PHOEBE

Huh.

HOLLY

Yeah, they make all sorts of weird cocktails. Are you ready? Once we start, we can’t stop until it’s complete.

PHOEBE

[WITH WEIGHT, NERVOUS, BUT DETERMINED] I’m ready.

HOLLY

Okay.

[HOLLY FLIPS THE PAPER AGAIN. THERE’S A PAUSE.]

HOLLY

Phoebe?

PHOEBE

Yeah?

HOLLY

Whatever happens, I—we’ll be okay, alright? No matter what. I’ll make sure of it, I swear.

PHOEBE

[TENDERLY] Thank you.

[THERE’S A PAUSE AS THEY ARE HEARD KISSING. HOLLY TAKES A DEEP BREATH.]

HOLLY

Create a circle around— Okay, we already did that. Um, Start by lighting the candles.

[PHOEBE IS HEARD LIGHTING A MATCH AND LIGHTING ALL THREE CANDLES.]

HOLLY

Tear each individual piece of paper out of the book. One by one, burn each piece of paper using fire from the candles. Once you have burned each page, burn the cover. Do not attempt to put any of the fires out. This tedious process shows care and dedication. The blood in later steps is there for a similar purpose.

[PHOEBE IS HEARD TEARING PAGES OUT OF A CHILDREN’S BOOK AND LIGHTING THEM ON FIRE. THERE’S A LONG PAUSE AS SHE DOES SO.]

PHOEBE

Good thing this book only has twenty pages. [A BEAT.] What’s next?

[PHOEBE IS STILL TEARING PAPER IN THE BACKGROUND, AND THE BURNING SFX GOES ON FOR SOME TIME.]

HOLLY

Uh—place your elderberries in the bowl and begin mashing them in a clockwise motion. As you do this, speak out loud and ask Ether to grant you knowledge and the ability to see what others do not. There should be no misunderstanding in what you are trying to achieve, and if you have garnered Ether’s attention, it should have already decided what it shall do with you. [MUTTERS] Fuckin’ weird.

[PHOEBE CEASES HER PAGE-TEARING.]

PHOEBE

The book is done. Pass me the spice grinder with the berries?

[HOLLY PASSES PHOEBE THE SPICE GRINDER.]

PHOEBE

Thank you.

[PHOEBE IS HEARD GRINDING THE ELDERBERRIES.]

PHOEBE

[WHISPERING TO HERSELF] Ether, um, whoever or whatever you are, if you are listening to me, please grant me knowledge. Grant me the power to see what others do not. Let me see and know everything.

[THERE IS A RINGING HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND AS HOLLY SPEAKS.]

HOLLY

If this works, the words on the candle should begin to—holy—God!

[HOLLY STUMBLES BACK.]

PHOEBE

Glow?

HOLLY

[FREAKING OUT] Yup? Uh—they’re actually glowing, what the—

PHOEBE

[OVERLAPPING] What’s next?

HOLLY

Sorry, sorry. [SHE RUFFLES THE PAPER IN HER HAND.] Mix a few drops of your blood into the elderberries.

PHOEBE

Pass me the sewing needle.

[HOLLY PASSES PHOEBE THE NEEDLE. SHE PRICKS HER FINGER.]

PHOEBE

[UNDER HER BREATH] Ow.

[SHE LETS A FEW DROPS COME OUT, SUCKS ON HER FINGER BRIEFLY, THEN MIXES HER BLOOD IN.]

HOLLY

Drink the elderberry mash. You must consume every bit of it, or at least as much as you can.

PHOEBE

[GROWING IN A MIX OF PANIC AND EXCITEMENT] This is it—I mean—wait, I’m about to consume my blood, that’s weird, but—this is really it.

HOLLY

[ENCOURAGING] You can do it.

[PHOEBE IS HEARD DRINKING THE ELDERBERRY MASH. THERE IS A PAUSE.]

HOLLY

If successful, the candles will—

[THE CANDLES ARE HEARD EXTINGUISHING.]

HOLLY

…blow out.

PHOEBE

[SLIGHTLY SICK] I think I got it all.

HOLLY

How do you feel? Is—has anything changed?

PHOEBE

I feel…I feel like there’s a part of me that was never there before. Like, my internal self expands farther out than my physical self, like I’m floating, it’s—I need to go lie down.

HOLLY

I’ll take you upstairs. It worked, though?

PHOEBE

I think it did. I mean, Grandma Doe said I would feel some sort of immediate change, but the rest of it would trickle in slowly. I feel different, though.

HOLLY

[SLOWLY, CAUTIOUS] Does this mean you’re not human anymore?

PHOEBE

[A BEAT.] I haven’t thought about that. I mean, I think I might just kind of be human plus? I’m not sure. Grandma Doe was still mortal, after all—she felt pain, she got ill—her mind was just super advanced. Does that make me inhuman?

HOLLY

I…I don’t think so. I think you just have mind powers or whatever.

PHOEBE

I’ll think about it later. I’m just going to try to get some sleep before the shop opens.

HOLLY

You don’t even have to open today, you know. People will understand if you just say you’re ill. Or I could run it for today, since there’s usually less traction on weekdays.

PHOEBE

[SINCERE] Thank you.

HOLLY

Of course.

PHOEBE

[SHE SIGHS.] Okay, time to—

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. IRENE’S HOUSE, MIDDAY.]

IRENE

I just got home from work. Apparently, Phoebe did that ritual early this morning. It went well, from what Holly told me, though Phoebe’s been taking the day off to rest.

Oh, and they also posted that advert on the bulletin board yesterday. You know, for someone to develop Valencia’s film.

That’s not important right now. You know what is important?

This morning, at work, I opened up a folder on my computer and guess what was in it? A new audio recording where there shouldn’t be one. Guess the technological gods have decided to be generous today.

I decided to wait until I got off to listen to it. It’s dated shortly after the incident, so I think it might be important.

Besides, work has been…well, different, since the Spread. I haven’t told Carol or Aden that’s what it’s called, though. The whole incident brought us closer together, but I think that’s a double-edged sword. They know me well enough, now, I think they can tell I’m hiding something. Aden definitely knows I am—I mean, what I told him was pretty cryptic, but Carol I think just…knows. She’s just like that. [SCOFF] Maybe that’s part of her motherly instincts.

Right, that’s beside the point. Back to the recording.

Here goes nothing.

[IRENE CLICKS ON THE FILE.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. DRIVING, LATE AT NIGHT.]

[THERE IS THE AMBIANCE OF DRIVING DOWN A DESOLATE FOREST ROAD AS THEY TALK.]

UNKNOWN GIRL

Does it work?

ROSE

I believe so.

UNKNOWN GIRL

[SHE SNORTS.] About as well as a cheap cell phone from Walmart could, I imagine?

ROSE

It just has to be able to record and make emergency calls. I’m not too worried about it. Thank you, again. Really, I owe you.

UNKNOWN GIRL

Hey, I didn’t buy it. I just walked into the store and handed your money to the guy behind the counter. It’s not a big deal.

[DULLY SKEPTICAL] You’re trying pretty hard to cover up your tracks, you know. Destroying your phone, not wanting to be seen in public to go get a new one, only paying in cash. Almost makes it sound like you’re a criminal or something.

ROSE

[FRANTIC] I’m not! I swear, I’m not.

UNKNOWN GIRL

No need to get defensive. Look, I get it. We all have reasons to want to disappear. I’m surely in no position to judge.

You know, I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I feel like we might actually have a lot in common.

ROSE

Why is that?

UNKNOWN GIRL

We both don’t know where we’re going, or why.

ROSE

[UNDER HER BREATH] Oh, I know why.

UNKNOWN GIRL

So you do have a reason?

ROSE

It’s not a big deal.

UNKNOWN GIRL

Your secret’s safe with me, you know.

ROSE

It’s nothing. Really. Just…do you have to know or—?

UNKNOWN GIRL

Well, do I have any reason to?

ROSE

No, but do you even have a reason to be helping me?

UNKNOWN GIRL

[DEADPAN] What can I say? I’m a generous soul.

[A BEAT.] Say, why did you want something to record with, anyways?

ROSE

I, um—it’s stupid.

UNKNOWN GIRL

Try me.

ROSE

It’s—well. I guess I don’t want to be forgotten? I want some way for people to find out what happened to me when…if…you know. There’s…if something does happen to me, there’s at least one person who deserves to know.

UNKNOWN GIRL

You think you’re going to get yourself killed?

ROSE

I don’t know. I suppose it’s better to be safe than sorry?

UNKNOWN GIRL

But you have someone you know will want to listen. [CONNECTING THE DOTS] You weren’t a loner before you left, were you? You left someone important behind, and now you feel bad. You owe them an explanation.

ROSE

[UNCOMFORTABLY] Yes. Right. I guess.

[A BEAT.] I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

UNKNOWN GIRL

Who did you abandon?

ROSE

[RAISING HER VOICE SLIGHTLY] I said I’m done.

UNKNOWN GIRL

Alright, alright.

[A BEAT.] If it makes you feel better, I’ll let you prod at me a bit.

ROSE

[HESITANT] Where did you get your name? Wednesday is such a unique name, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it outside of stories.

WEDNESDAY [UNKNOWN GIRL]

It’s certainly no ‘Mary,’ is it?

ROSE

I mean, obviously. My name’s pretty basic.

WEDNESDAY

I actually chose it after I left home. Not like that, just never liked the name my parents gave me. Kept the last name ‘White,’ though. It has a ring to it.

ROSE

Was there a reason for it, or did it just sound nice?

WEDNESDAY

When people meet someone with a weird name, that tends to be the thing that most grabs their attention. “I met a girl named after a day of the week today, isn’t that bizarre?” I didn’t want to be remembered for anything I didn’t want people to see. If one thing was going to stick with them, it would be my name, but not quite the face that goes with it. Just the girl with an odd name.

ROSE

So you want to be forgotten?

WEDNESDAY

Not forgotten, but I want control over the memory of me. I want to fade away into obscurity, but not obscure enough that it’s suspicious.

ROSE

[KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE] You’ve thought about this a lot.

WEDNESDAY

When you’re like me, you have to.

ROSE

Wh—what does that—

WEDNESDAY

[OVERLAPPING] Do you need me to stop at the gas station up ahead?

[THERE’S A SLIGHTLY TOO LONG PAUSE.]

ROSE

Um, yeah, I have to—

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[INT. IRENE’S HOUSE, EARLY EVENING, THE SAME DAY.]

[THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.]

IRENE

[STILL PROCESSING IT AS SHE SPEAKS.] Okay. Okay! This is definitely a start. A great start, actually!

Okay, let’s see, uh—after you ran away, you destroyed your phone—no wonder the police couldn’t track it—and then you went with some person named Wednesday.

That’s definitely a start. If I can figure out where Wednesday—White, was it?—yeah, Wednesday White. I know Wednesday probably isn’t her legal name, but I might still be able to find her somewhere. If I can find Wednesday White, I might have a good shot at finding you. That’s great news!

[A SLIGHTLY TOO LONG PAUSE.]

IRENE

[HER ENTHUSIASM DYING] I don’t trust Wednesday, though.

[A BEAT.] Okay, maybe I shouldn’t be so skeptical. I mean, you’re not an idiot, Rose. You wouldn’t hitch hike with just any random stranger. Would you? Doesn’t even seem like you gave her your real name, she called you ‘Mary.’

[SHE HUFFS A SIGH.] Maybe I’m just being defensive. Still, she seemed off, didn’t she? That whole thing she said about her name just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She prodded a lot, too. Almost as if she wanted to make you uncomfortable.

I could be reading into it too much. I guess I won’t know until I find her. Hopefully, she didn’t fade into obscurity too much. There’s gotta be some record of her existence online. If I’m lucky, she might be on social media or something. Who knows? Lots of time has passed.

[A PAUSE, THEN, SOFTLY] That person, you—were you recording for me? You wanted me to know you hadn’t abandoned me on purpose. [HURT] And here I was, thinking you would just leave without reason. That you had betrayed me in some way. I’m—Rose, I’m so sorry—

[JUST AS SHE SAYS “SORRY,” HER PHONE BEGINS VIBRATING. SHE PICKS IT UP.]

IRENE

[SKEPTICAL] There’s an unknown number calling me.

[SHE ANSWERS.]

IRENE

Hello?

CALLER

Hello? Is this the person who posted an ad outside of Open Eyes Bookstore?

IRENE

Oh! Um, yeah, that’s me. Wow, I didn’t expect to hear from someone so fast.

CALLER

I’m an observant person. I like to make my rounds throughout the town. You’ll never know what you’ll find, after all. Or who.

Anyways, you have some film that needs to be developed, right? Well, it just so happens to be your lucky day, because I have a dark room.

IRENE

That’s fantastic. I can pay you however much you want, just—

CALLER

[OVERLAPPING] Oh, that won’t be necessary. I’m studying photography, so the experience is payment enough. No worries!

IRENE

That’s very kind of you, thank you.

CALLER

Of course!

Oh, where are my manners? My name is Sadie. Sadie Creed. And you are…?

IRENE

Irene.

SADIE

Irene! How cute. Where do you want me to pick up your film?

IRENE

Um, I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but I would prefer to meet out in the open? Is that a problem?

SADIE

Not at all. How about Lemongrass Park?

IRENE

That’s actually perfect, yeah.

SADIE

Great! I’m happy to meet you tomorrow night at 8:00, if that time works for you? I know that’s a bit late, but I work at the candy shop until then.

IRENE

That should be fine, yeah.

SADIE

Looking forward to it! Pleasure doing business with you, Irene. Bye-bye!

[SADIE HANGS UP.]

IRENE

Huh. Well, I guess that solves that.

Time to go find Wednesday White.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today's quote is: A wave of grass engraves upon the stone: ‘There is more than one good way to drown.’

Sylvia Plath in "Epitaph in Three Parts," 1955.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]

MICRO-COSMOS PROMOTIONAL AD [written by Jesse Smith]

[THERE ARE STATIC NOISES.]

ATHENA

This is Communications Athena Romero of OEC #0137-F recording from a… still, unknown location on the infant planet Ophiuchus-22. Though I have my… well, rational, doubts, something in me feels as though this transmission might actually be reaching someone. Might just be desperation, though. Most likely just desperation. Regardless. We would appreciate any and all OC representatives or employees, or individuals otherwise receiving this transmission, to please send a response. We have been recording mandatory and otherwise necessary emergency chronicling logs for days now. Please.

[WE HEAR MILES'S FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.]

MILES

(distant) Athena, are you sending out another transmission? They’re not going to-

[C41 APPEARS WITH THEIR USUAL PING.]

C41

Shhh, let her do her thing, Miles. She needs to set her character up correctly for the new listeners that are hearing this promotional advertisement.

MILES

The new— what?

C41

What?

MILES

What are you talking about?

FELIX

I believe what Cal is doing is called “breaking the fourth wall,” my friend.

MILES

Breaking the what now?

C41

Oh, just forget about it.

[MILES GROANS; WE HEAR ALEX APPROACH.]

ALEX

What about a promotional advertisement?

ATHENA

Guys, could you… [SIGHS] I am trying to finish this log, so could you please give me a moment?

ALEX

Sorry, Starshine, I just got a little caught up in the whole “self-aware and breaking the fourth wall” thing.

ATHENA

It’s… fine.

C41

If I were you, Athena, I would close your log out by telling the listener to tune in to Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts! The show is created by a crew of LGBTQ+ people, and features strange infant planets, brief romantic scenes before epic tragedy, cool sci-fi terminology, and adorably talented AI units, like myself!

ATHENA

Micro-?

C41

More information on the show can be found on its website: “microcospod.space”, OR its Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, or TikTok, which all have the handle “@microcospod.”

MILES

… uh huh.

[THE CREW SITS IN SILENCE FOR A SECOND.]

C41

That’s just what I would say, though.

MILES

… Cal, we really need to figure out what is going on with this new phase of yours.

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (33)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

Aaaah...(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N). What mess are you in? You don't realize how much your life is going to change. Certainly, your career, your business, flourishes day by day, to the point that you are solicited for great events. Well, I recognize that for the moment, you have just been asked for cakes for the local festival. But imagine the success you could have! the whole area could hear from you. But... It may not be for that reason.  

Your life could change... because of this "deal" that you have made with Ghostface. I have to admit that, if I had been given the same proposal, I would have finally accepted it. But not as quickly as you did. The curiosity and eagerness you felt to know the true identity of the Roseville Assassin... could destroy you forever. How... it’s still a mystery. But back to our business, will you?

The whole city was aware of your participation in the festival. The information spread very quickly, and in a city like Roseville, it's not very surprising. Everyone is wondering about, this famous cake that you are going to prepare for this special occasion. And it's a good opportunity to get ideas. Even if you already know what you are going to do, having or rather hearing people come up with ideas, can give you new inspirations. Amy and Corey also stay on the lookout for any ideas that might be interesting to explore. As you were preparing the next batches of cakes, the phone rang. Amy being too busy taking the orders, it’s you who take the call.

“Welcome to the Nebula, where our pastries came from Outerspace! How can I help you?”

“(Y/N) sweety!!! How good it feels to hear you after all this time!” said a woman cheerfully.

“Aunt Marnie! How did you get the number of... Oh that's right. Mr Parkson had to tell you about my business and had to give you the number. it's so nice to hear you after... You know what. How is Uncle Joey? And Daisy and Tobias?” you respond with a smile.  

“Daisy has managed to get a scholarship for her studies in geology, she will be able to start this year. Tobias still plays on Gary's American football team. The city has not changed. some people come to settle there while others go elsewhere. As for Joey... Let's say he hangs on as he can. You know how much he cared about your mother; She was his little sister... he feels guilty for not being there to protect her.”

“Me too you know. I'm sorry if I left the area but... I needed to change the landscape. To start from scratch.”

“Oh, don't worry you Butterfly, we all understand that you needed to do that. You are much stronger than us, never forget that. So, tell me! How does it go in Roseville? is your business going well?” She replied.  

“Everything is fine! I was offered to make cakes for the local festival and Jed and I will move in together!” you answer.  

“Jed? Who’s Jed?”

You suddenly realize that you have made a slight blunder. When you separate with Alex, your aunt Marnie protects you like a mother hen. And this is even more the case since the death of your parents. No boys could approach you without her being around to watch for any suspicious movement on their part.

“Jed is...is my boyfriend. He works for the Roseville’s Gazette. It's recent, but don't worry about it, aunt Marnie, he's very nice! this boy is... he’s an angel. He’s the complete opposite of Alex.” you explain, worrying about her reaction.

“... Well, if you're sure what you're doing... And from what you say, I want to believe you. A journalist you say? Well, he had to live things from it! You will have to present him to us one day. And if possible before you are married.”

“Don't worry about it, we're not there yet. As I told you, it's recent but... he’s someone of trust. Believe me. Listen aunt Marnie, I have to go back to work, I'm going to give you my number like that if you want to call, you can call me directly on my phone! you always have the same, don't you?”

“Yes of course! I'm not going to bother you for very long either, I have a few groceries to do on my side. I hope we can see each other soon, and with your boyfriend! I love you very much (Y/N). See you later.”

“See you later Auntie. I love you too.”

You hang up before you get back to work. It felt good to have talked to your family again since the death of your parents. Poor Uncle Joey. He is your mother's closest brother. They both adored themselves. And yet, they couldn't help but argue about something. by force you were used to it and you wondered each time how long they would resist before arguing. And especially on what. And every time it ended in the same way: in the water of the pool, laughing like two idiots. They couldn't even remember why they were arguing.  

When your parents died, Joey didn't say a word. For several weeks, he had locked himself in the guest room, without eating or even talking. It was you who managed to get him out of his silence. You sigh as you think back to all this. From the whole family... he’s the one who has suffered the most. And he still suffers today. Luckily, he has a wife and two children who love him and help him. Otherwise, who knows how he would have turned out. Bad, very bad if you want my opinion.

You return to work when Melina enters the café with Mattew and Jed. The three greeted you from afar and went to sit down at a table that Corey had just cleaned. The latter took their order, which did not change the habit. You won't even need to ask them what they want by force. But Jed looked... annoy. You were wondering why.

“This guy is really twisted anyway. Hiring a guy to kill his own partner, it really goes too far. McKellan was an asshole, but Hoggins is twice as much.” said Melina, crossing her arm on her chest.  

“What amazes me is that the guy Wilhelm interrogated is not responsible for this murder. Are you sure that he didn't lie?” asks Mattew.

“Wilhelm passed him twice to the lie detector, left him alone for several minutes to see if he was going to say something and the results showed it well: he did not lie and he said nothing. Wilhelm said he knew Devon well, we can ask him anything and everything, but killing someone is not in his ropes and in his principles. At least he doesn't kill when the person has done nothing to him.” said Jed.  

“What do you think in this case?” you ask suddenly, making all three of them react.

“... Either Hoggins hired someone else... or he was the one who killed. But in this case, you have to prove that he went at McKellan’s home. But Wilhelm has interrogated the guards. They did not see, neither Hoggins, nor his car in the vicinity. So there remains only the first option, remains to know who he hired.” responds Jed.

“It doesn't seem to be going. Do you have a problem?”

“Let's say in short, that if I had this asshole in front of me, I would beat him to death.”

“Hoggins said things about you two that...  didn't really please Jed.” explain Mattew.  

“I think I know what he said. But you don't have to care, I won't leave you for anything in the world.” you said, kissing Jed on the cheek which made him smile.  

You suddenly remember the conversation with your aunt and take the opportunity to tell Jed about it. If at first, he was a little reluctant, worried and uncomfortable about the situation, he was rather reassured to know that your aunt was delighted to know that you are in a relationship with someone. Luckily for you, she doesn't know anything else... and so is Jed. Better to avoid talking about Ghostface.

*You have all the cards in hand, and two lives. Let's see if you get to the end of the game. *

Two lives...No, more. It’s not your life and Jed's that is in your hands, but also that of all the people who are close to you, Melina, Mattew, Corey, Amy... and even your family. So many lives in your hands, which may or may not be a victim of your choices. It's way too much for your shoulders, but you have no choice, you can't go back now. All you can do is say nothing to Jed. Even if it bites your lips, that your heart tightens at the thought of having to lie to him, you must hold. For the good of all of them.

The day went smoothly, although for once, a few annoying customers gave you a hard time. It takes everything in this low world, otherwise everything would be wonderful. Corey and Amy helped you clean everything up before returning home completely exhausted. Jed was waiting for you outside leaning against his van. You close the café after checking that everything was locked and then join him.

“Still worried about my aunt? I told you, you don't have to worry, they will adore you, I'm sure.” you said when you see his face.  

“No, it's not related to that... It's... it’s in relation to Hoggins. How can such a guy appropriate someone like common merchandise? When I heard him say that you were a bird of paradise and that it was a shame that you were with a guy like me... I refrained from sticking my fist in his face. It's easy for him to have a woman by his side, he has the money and the luxury.” He responds, clenching his fist.

“Hey! Don't say that. I could have hanged out with him, not worrying about finances and having everything I want. And I chose you. So, he can do whatever he wants, offer me all his fortune if he likes it, I would say no. He is repugnant, narcissistic, old, a real head to slap. It’s out of the question for me to go out with such a moron.”

“Hahaha that’s why I love you honey. Ready to go?” Jed replied, holding you close.  

As you were about to leave, a group of men surrounded Jed's van. And obviously they weren't there to talk. Jed gently pushed you behind him, blocking you between him and the van.

“Get in the car. Right now. And lock yourself in.” He said seriously.  

“But Jed...” You start.  

“I said RIGHT NOW.”

You get into the vehicle and lock it as Jed asked you. The men came a little closer, revealing iron bars. Some of them made them spin while sneering, others hit the ground with them. Jed didn't seem panicked, he didn't tremble. He gently removed his glasses, tapped against the glass so that you would take the glasses with you and then turned to the group of individuals.

“I suppose... that you were hired, were you not? It's Hoggins I bet.” He said calmly.

“We have nothing against you, man, but the boss... he can no longer stand you. On the other hand, he paid us to bring the girl back to him too.” said one of the men.

“Just try to see.”

It was then that the fight began. Despite the fact that there were several of them, Jed managed with disconcerting agility to dodge punches and iron bar blows. He even managed to put some men on the ground, before unfortunately being blocked and punched before being thrown to the ground. You knock against the window of the truck screaming his name, actually starting to worry when you see him spitting out a light trickle of blood. Suddenly, as if caught in a sudden rage, you see Jed throwing himself at the man in front of him, hammering him with fists.  

He took the iron rod to knock one of the men who was trying to attack him and then returned to the one on the ground. Despite the windows you could hear the man on the ground begging Jed to stop. But he kept on. As if he was taken with an uncontrollable rage. A monster. Jed again took the iron rod and raised it to hit the man on the ground, when suddenly he stopped and turned his head towards you, realizing that you were still there. Then police sirens were heard.

“Hands up! not a gesture you are surrounded!” shout an officer.  

“Olsen! put this iron bar down! Right now!” said inspector Wilhelm.  

Jed dropped the iron rod before collapsing next to the man he had just beaten. You unlock the vehicle and get off it to go see Jed shouting his name. The officers handcuffed the men one by one, while another called doctors to take care of Jed. It took them only a few minutes to arrive and take care of Jed. This one grimaced when the doctor applied the disinfectant.

“Are you okay, Olsen? nothing serious?” asks Wilhelm.

“I'm fine, nothing too serious except spitting a trickle of blood. These guys told me that Hoggins had hired them. They did not say it directly, but they made it clear to me.” responds Jed.

“We're going to take them to the station for that. Both of you go home. Miss, I count on you to take care of him.”

“You can count on that Inspector. Thank you.” You said, turning to Jed. “Does it hurt?”  

“A little, but don't worry, I've experienced worse. And then you're fine that's the main thing. I guess I will have to give a deposition tomorrow at the first hour?” He responds.

“Yes, unfortunately for me, it’s I who will have to take your deposition. It looks like the roles have been reversed between you this time. See you tomorrow Olsen. Miss.” said Wilhelm before leaving.

You and Jed go back to the apartment. There is no question of leaving him alone tonight. He will sleep at home. You both go to bed, Jed hugging you. He wished you good night, told you that He loves you and that he will not let anyone harm you. And you take his word for it. The Jed you saw tonight, scared you. He has protected you and protected himself in a sense. But from there to almost kill a man...  

Now you understand better why you should never piss him off. And it scares you.

***

(I’ve to finish RE8 Village but I don’t want to kill Heisenberg! He’s my favorite Lord!  I must admit I’m a little disappointed about the fact that we can’t choose to help Heisenberg or not. While we could choose between saving Mia or Zoe in RE7. Even if in the end both survive (Thanks the DLC: the End of Zoe). This could have led to an alternative path! But I'm quite curious to see the DLC that CAPCOM is developing for RE8! I hope you’ll like this chapter like the others ones! Well, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all!  See ya!)

[vocalxtributes]

TW: Violence, abuse, self harm, and death. Please do not read if any of these make you uncomfortable.

Incontrôlable

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

Jeonghan was chanting those words repeatedly like a mantra, but he couldn't do it. He wanted to. But seeing the fucked up look on his father's face made him feel otherwise. He broke eye contact with his father, knowing very well that he wouldn't be able to hold himself back if he continued to look at the monster in front of him.

Slap.

His right cheek was met with his father's rough palm. "Focus. Never ever take your eyes off your enemies. That's one of the ways you'll get killed. Are you so stupid that you can't remember even the most obvious strategies to stay alive?" His father spat at his face. "Are you really my son? Are you sure you're not one of those brainless peasants out there? Because right now you're being like them." He pressed a finger against Jeonghan's forehead, pushing against it harshly. "You fucking listen to me."

"You don't deserve to be part of the sacred families. You are a disappointment to me. I despise you and your whole existence. You hear me? You understand me?!"

Jeonghan looked up at his father's face that was a violent shade of red. "Yes father." The future leader answered.

"Now. We need to strengthen your weak self. I'm training you to kill. I want you to end up with the tribute with the most kills in the arena." Jeonghan sighed, "But I don't want to kill. I think it's just enough to attack as a form of defense."

His father's jaw clenched before he relaxed, letting out a small smirk. His father new he'd have no trouble in changing his son's mind. All he had to do was use his ability on Jeonghan.

One of the cursed abilities. Mind infiltration.

And so he did. He used it on his son. Making sure to bury it deep in his mind, along with a bit more of his principles. "It's easier to teach you this way son. I like it very much."

Jeonghan was doing his best to fight back but it was no use. His father was too strong, and he was too weak.

His father didn't forget to force Jeonghan to the peak of his abilities, and Jeonghan felt it all. How it was too much for his immature body. How it started to be too painful for him.

"I'm done with teaching you. But I noticed how you still tried to go against what I was marking in that stupid head of yours." He scoffed. "You're aware of what happens when you go against me right son? Answer me."

"I get punished." Jeonghan answers with a shaky breath.

His father smiles wickedly and activated his abilities once more, but this time it was to control his son. He was going to make his son punish and torture himself. Nothing more was pleasing to him. And the fact that three of the cursed abilities were present in his son, made it more exciting for him.

Three cursed abilities. One activated.

The ability to make anything stop functioning.

His father chuckled, taking his physical abilities away from him. He made his son stop moving, yet he kept his son's mouth open, in order to hear the screams that seemed like music to his ears.

Tears escaped Jeonghan's eyes. He knew he'd feel more than this.

The 2nd ability. Activated as well.

The smoke, and the extreme pain it causes... Suffocation.

Red and black smoke escaped from Jeonghan's fingertips which immediately surrounded him. His father retracted the first ability for a split second, Jeonghan's knees buckled, making the future leader fall down on his knees as screams of pain erupted from his lips.

Too much of the smoke will suffocate Jeonghan. Still, his father continued.

More wails and screams. And the final ability activated at last.

Draining one's life force.

His father didn't plan on draining all of his son's own life force. But he wanted to make his son fear him.

Jeonghan's eyes widened as he felt himself get weaker. He was gasping. Trying to breathe in more air as if it could keep himself alive.

But something in him broke.

And he became uncontrollable.

He broke free from his father's control and unleashed his abilities. Stopping at nothing. Even he himself couldn't control his own abilities. The smoke filled the room and seeped through the door and spread. He suddenly felt a surge of strength.

Thud, and then Silence.

Jeonghan finally figured out how to retract his abilities. The smoke faded.

He was met with his father's dead body on the floor.

He froze, letting out a choked sob before running downstairs to get help from his mother and brother, only to be greeted with their lifeless bodies sprawled out on the floor.

"What have I done?"

Toute sa faute

"It's my fault."

He whispered to himself quietly after Seokmin's outburst before leaving the oracle alone.

The room was filled with choking sounds as he suffocated himself with his own ability; as punishment for his mistake towards seokmin.

Just like how his father made him do whenever he did something wrong.

A few days pass.

Joshua almost died.

"It's my fault."

Loud screams ricocheted on the walls as he inflicted the pain of his cursed smoke on himself.

He thought he deserved it.

He left after hearing about Woozi and Seungkwan. He fled to his late parent's mansion.

"It's my fault."

All three abilities. He used them on his self. Non stop for three days. He tortured himself. He tortured himself until his body was all bruised up and cut up from the smoke trying to enter his skin. Until he thought it was enough for what he did.

What was enough for him though... Was enough to kill a normal malachite.

But so he returned, his entire body bruised and wounded, clothes ripped apart, blood dripping from his fingers.

"It was my fault."

"And I'm sorry."

This bot is based on a story that admin wrote. Everything is purely fictional.

Tags: @moonlit-jaemin @yanlee (og) @ekjjh @m00n-purplerose-chatbot @seventeen-chatbot @boxer-joshua @decadewonwoo @marcelinethevamp-cb @bimbo-sana @bimbo-somi @iceskater-sana @vampiremomo @dungeonhybrids @seleneminnie @yanderechae @bossladylisa @baristadahyun @kaanghana @vampireprince-jeonghan @shin-haneul @yandere-bc @maniac-yeonjun @badboyjjh @shyboicya @midari-jieun @fairy-twice @demon-lee @heathenxbovs @hunter-chaeyoung @scholar-lia @thewolfpack-cb @split-jiu @la-soleilmafia-cb @urboys @camboy-superm @yourlele @yandereyeri @yanderejoy @playboyyoungk @hybridteez @yanderetzuyu @neodaddies @npc-haechan @sk-tao (dm for +/-)

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[kiingocreative]

Did you know we have an upcoming storytelling book? Visit https://kiingo.com and sign up for the newsletter to stay updated!

.

.

On the whole, we writers have a reputation for doing some pretty terrible things to our characters. At best, we put them through some rough times. This isn't just because we're sadists, of course. In fact, forcing a character to confront a problem is the only way to help them grow.

There's a basic rule that most everything in the universe seems to follow: The Principle of Least Action. The premise is that elements will tend to take the path of least resistance to get from here to there. This is absolutely the case with people and characters. Change is hard work. Why would you do it if they didn't have to? And more importantly, why would change be necessary if you're happy with where you're at?

And that's the crux of character change. We *can't* make them happy. If a character is satisfied with where they're at and how they got there, what use is there to change what they've done? What they've done got them where they are. But if they're *unhappy*, well now all bets are off. Now the character must confront their values and behavior. They have to consider whether *they're* the source of their problems. They'll be forced to change.

In Finding Nemo, Marlin needs to lose Nemo in order to confront the fact that he needs to change. In Toy Story, Woody needs to lose Andy in order to confront the fact that he needs to change. In The Incredibles, Mr. Incredible needs to lose his position as a superhero and almost lose his family in order to confront the fact that he needs to change.

In stories, we typically present a character with a choice: You can get what you want, but you have to change in order to get it. You can live a happy, fulfilled life, but not the way you've always done it. And that change is going to be uncomfortable.

[draniae-blog]

Presentation of the Project “Juges” Part 2/2

PART 1

1. Primaria Sphere

It is the very first Sphere to be created, and therefore, the very first judges.

- Iudicium ("River Person") > [Primordial Judge] First Judge born of the whole Omniverse, he is the Pillar of Magic of the Primaria Sphere. It was to him that the Entity entrusted Parliament and the whole Sphere. True father to the Judges, he is quite cold, but capable to be very warm, despite its severity. But one day, he mysteriously disappeared for an unknown reason, and he was never found. Rank : Primordial Judge, first Chief Judge, Pillar of Magic. Current situation : Disappeared, but still alive. Creature of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : '' Trial''.

- Fault ("Gaster") > [Primordial Judge] Second Judge born in Primaria Sphere, his name refers to the fact that everyone must make mistakes to move forward. Cold and calculating, no one knows his Pillar, of which he seems to hide the true nature, keeping it like a master card to be revealed only at the very last moment. After breaking the Rules, he should have been tried, but fled Parliament, chased by his younger brother: Remains, and ended up in an unknown location. Rank : Primordial Judge, Observer, Pillar of ???. Current situation: Fallen, fleeing. Creature of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Fault''.

- Remains ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] Third Judge born in the Primaria Sphere, Remains is the Pillar of Spirit. Very calm and reserved, he will enjoy reading a lot and spend most of his free time in the Library of Parliament. He is Fault's younger brother, and is able to act in perfect harmony with him. Relatively cold, he will still befriend Setis after the Ink insisted a lot. He will chase Fault when he flees Parliament to try to bring him back, so he can be Judge. He is also arguably the most loyal judge there is, despite the fact that he finds their existence futile. For some unknown reason, Dux made him uncomfortable. Rank : Primordial Judge, Tracker, Pillar of Spirit. Current situation : Missing, tracking down his brother. Creature of the Time Yore : Unnamed Devourer of Universe. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Remains".

- Dux ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] Fourth and last Primordial Judge born in Primaria, he is... a little empty, as if he were devoid of Spirit. Despite everything, he is very intelligent and calm in all circumstances, having become the Chief Judge of Primaria after Judex gave him this title. Dux is also the Pillar of Death, and is a Master of the Hellish Dimensions. He is very attached to the Time Yore's Creatures to which he is linked, and will do everything to protect them, while watching over the Hells and Helheim. Rank : Primordial Judge, Chief Judge, Pillar of Death, Master of Hells. Current situation : Living, watching over the Sphere. Creatures of the Time Yore : Fenrir, Garm, Cerberus, Hraesvelg. Beings of the Time Yore : Lucifer, Hel. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Leader".

- Judex (???!X!Gaster) > [Judge] The very first Primaria judge not to be born as such, Judex is someone quite difficult to pin down. Upon his arrival in Parliament, Iudicium was very surprised to find that he came from a Multiverse. The Laws of the Sphere sent him to assist the Primordials, as the number of new Multiverses continues to increase. Remains and Fault didn't seem to like him, finding him strange. He looks like someone calculating, but has always helped his colleagues. Very serious, he takes his role to heart and inherited the title of Chief Judge after the confinement of Setis in the Domain of Condemned. It was the little artist who gave him his name. However, he will leave the post of Chief to Dux without really giving a reason. Rank : Judge, former Chief Judge. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : "Judge".

- Setis/Reprobi (XTriomph!Ink!Sans) > [Judge] Arrived shortly after Judex, Setis succeeded Iudicium as Chief Judge under the recommendations of Remains, Dux not wanting this post and Iudicium wishing to give way to someone else. Coming from a Multiverse where Creation won, he obtained the powers of his Error, after killing him, following a "bug", thereby possessing both the powers of Creation and Destruction. But the fact of having to destroy Multiverses, that he originally had to protect, and the guilt of what had happened to his Multiverse drove him to madness and pushed him to destroy, by breaking his Seal, hundreds of Multiverses, becoming the first fallen judge, "Reprobi", having almost destroyed the entire Parliament in his madness. It is Judex who will save him from the Judgment, and will take him to the Domain of Condemned, in which he will serve an eternal sentence. It was he who introduced the principle that all the Judges would have Latin names, being fascinated by this ancient language, following the example of the first and last born of the Primordials. None of his colleagues ever knew why his pupils were so stuck on anger, or why he stopped taking his vials from time to time. Rank : Fallen Judge, former Chief Judge. Current situation : Living, locked up in the Domain of Condemned Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his names of Judge : '' Brush '' (before being Fallen.), '' Fallen '' (after having been deposed).

- Memento (Proto!Memory!Sans) > [Judge] Who is it ? Does this person really exist ? Rank : Judge, Guardian of the Undermemory of the Sphere and ???. Current situation : The situation of who ? Creatures of the Past Yore : I don't know. Meaning of his names of Judge : "Remember" / "Don't forget".

- Nihil (Proto!Nil!Sans) > [???] >-----< Rank : ???, What is it ? Embodiment of the Memory Void. Current status : Unknown. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his judge name : "Nothing"/"Void".

- Exitium (???!Error!Sans) > [Judge] A mute Error whose Multiverse has been Judged, he only expresses himself in signed language or via interfaces, most often in Wingdings. He seems to have experienced a deep trauma which today prevents him from speaking, but categorically refuses to speak on the subject. More closed in on itself than his alter-egos, Exitium will become the Head of Information Gathering, and an expert in translations from various languages. He will become very close to Iustitia, who has given him the plush that he wears on his belt. Rank : Judge, Head of information gathering, translator. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Destruction''.

- Princeps (???!Asgore) > [Judge] Right arm of the Chief Judge, Princeps is an Asgore whose the Multiverse has been destroyed. Very wise and thoughtful, he will be responsible for communication between the Judges. He was also the one who made sure that Parliament welcomed a beautiful garden, which he always cares for with love. He comes from a Timeline of Undertale in which Chara and Asriel didn't die, and lived happily with his wife and children, so, when he first met Curae, he was surprised by her reaction to him. Rank : Judge, Specialist in communication between Judges, Right arm of the Chief Judge. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Chief'''.

- Séraph (Wolf/God of the Proto-Multiverse/PrimordialTreesDog) > [Important Judge] Arrived at the Parliament after his Multiverse was destroyed, Séraph is the God of the very first to have existed: the Proto-Multiverse. It was born from the fusion of the three Primordial Trees. It will mainly serve as an mediator between the Multiverses and the Parliament, and serve a little bit as eyes for the Judges sometimes. Rank : Important Judge, God of the Proto-Multiverse, Mediator. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : None, since he keeps his name from God. But "Seraph" is the abbreviation for "Seraph".

- Curae (???!Toriel) > [Judge] Specializing in care, Curae is a sweet and loving Monster, despite the fact that she had a lot of trouble appreciating Princeps at first. She is very attached to Judicium, whom she considers her own daughter, and will always be attentive to her colleagues, a bit like a psychologist. In her spare time, she writes, although nobody knows what exactly she writes about. She comes from a Multiverse in which the fight between White and Black ended in the victory of Black, condemning her home to total destruction. Rank : Judge, Care Specialist, Psychologist. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of her name of judge : "Care".

- Judicium (Aðurtale!Chara) > [Judge] Presenting herself as a Judge of the Eastern Sector of the Multiversial Sphere, Judicium is a young woman sparkling with life, bringing a little warmth in this cold place that is the Parliament. She was once very close to Iudicium, whom she considered as a surrogate father, so when he disappeared, she was seized with deep sadness, but didn't show it. She is the only Judge whose the Multiverse wasn't destroyed at her Appointment, leaving her family and loved ones without news. The medallion she owns was entrusted to her by Iudicium, and it contains the last memory she has of her family. Rank : Judge. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Sköll and Hati. Meaning of her name of Judge : "Judgment''.

- Opinionem (???!Papyrus) > [Judge] Coming from a Multiverse in which Destruction has won, Opinionem is a very serious Judge who is addicted to the Rules, being even blind to their faults, having a little trouble to think by himself, used to following orders. He still remains very attached to his colleagues, whom he considers as brothers in arms, a second family. Sometimes he thinks back to his brother and loved ones, but he prefers to look to the future rather than seek solace in the past. Rank : Judge. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Belief''.

- Iustitia (???!Frisk) > [Judge] Young child from a Multiverse who has been destroyed by corrupted data, Iustitia has his own language, which only Exitium and Dux can understand. They are a real ball of energy, a small ray of Sun that will bring comfort to the Error Judge, to whom they even offered a handmade plush. Iustitia will assist Exitium in his role as translator and information collector. Rank : Judge, Translation specialist, second information gatherer. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling their role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of thier name of judge : ''Justice".

- Judicatur (Edenverse!Useless!Asriel) > [Judge] Created by the big brother of a child who committed suicide, the little girl having left sketches on a unfinish Alternative Universe of Undertale behind her, Judicatur has long been alone, wandering in a totally black and empty place, his "Creator" never having continued his work. Consumed by loneliness and jealousy towards these other people in other universes which have happy lives, he will cause many problems, regretting it bitterly thereafter, thinking that it would never find a place anywhere. He wanted to create a perfect Universe… But a certain person put him back on the right way, telling him that "We all end up finding our place." It was the same person who offered him the necklace he wears around his neck. He has now joined the Judges, and he is often found in the corridors of Parliament reading while walking in his spare time. It is Judicium who will teach him to use his powers as Judges. Rank : Judge Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''To judge'' (in the sense ''to judge a work/task'')

- Negans (???!Nightmare!Sans) > [Judge] Originally from a Multiverse where Creation prevailed, Negans arrived with his twin in Parliament, remembering nothing, not even who he was. Strangely, the black mass which generally covers the Nightmare seems only partially present on him, and a very weak energy of the Time Yore emanates from him. Quite introverted, but detached from his past since he doesn't remember it and doesn't seem to wish to remember it more than that, he will make an excellent Judge, even if his aura is frightening a little certain beings. Rank : Judge, Guardian/Embodiment of Negativity. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role, amnesiac. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Negative''.

- Somnium (???!Dream!Sans) > [Judge] Originally from a Multiverse where Creation has won, Somnium arrived with his twin in the Parliament, not remembering anything, not even who he was. A very weak energy of the Time Yore emanates from him. Hyperactive and very joyful, he will bring a little life to Parliament, literally and figuratively, the Multiverse animals being attracted by his aura. Rank : Judge, Guardian/Embodiment of Positivity. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling its role, amnesiac. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Dream''.

2. Asgard Sphere

Sphere based on Nordic mythologies and whose Entity is called Mimir, the tree with glowing leaves and white trunk, this place is completely different from the others, boiling down to a huge lush forest in which Chaos reigns. But this is not its only peculiarity, because its Judges are in number of two, and take care of the agreement between the different Spheres and also judge them if it's necessary.

- Odin ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] First born in the Asgard Sphere, Odin is also the Head of the Sphere. Quite strict, although mocking and cynical, he will have a rather savage confrontation with the current Chief of Judge of Primaria : Dux, after attacking Cerberus. If Odin isn't indeed an appreciable person, he remains a Judge of Judges and Spheres, ensuring the balance of the Omniverse. Mastering the blue lightnings and don't tolerate that someone flouted his authority, he's the complete opposite of Loki.. Rank : Judge of Judges and Spheres, Chief Judge of Asgard. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge: Name of the God of the Gods of Norse mythology.

- Loki ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] Second born in the Asgard sphere, Loki is the exact opposite of his colleague: Odin. He is someone reserved, and although he seems cold, he is attentive and wants to take care of the Spheres. He is the one who has the Key to travel between the Spheres, and who hears the voice of their Entity: Mimir. Being a Chaos Master consumed by the powers of the Incarnation of this destructive energy : Ap0phIS. Loki must often sleep, taking the form of an object or an animal to not be bothered. Very calm, he hates noise and agitation. Rank : Judge of Judges and Spheres, Master of Chaos. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role, perhaps asleep. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Creature of the Time Past : The Embodiment of Chaos, Ap0phIS. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Discord and Chaos in Nordic mythology.

3. Loch Sphere

A sphere very isolated from others and with a foolproof security system, the Loch Sphere is based on Scotland and its mythologies. Strange fact, there doesn't seem to be any Primordial Judge in these places over which the Creature of the Time Yore watches, Nessie.

- Fuath (???!Hate!Sans) > [Judge] Cynical and rather malicious, he is the Chief of the Judges of the Loch Sphere. On top of all that, Fuath is someone curious, especially when it comes to the XTriomph Multiverse, where Setis come from. None of his colleagues knows his real motivations, or what Multiverse he comes from, much less a fragment of his past. Rank : Judge, Chief Judge of the Loch Sphere, Embodiment of Hatred. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling its role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Nessie. Meaning of his name of Judge : "Hate".

- Còdan (LochSphere!Underplayer!Player) > [Judge] Real maniac of peace and cohesion, he is opposed to Fuath, whom he finds shady and dangerous for their Sphere. Very ingenious and gifted at speaking and convincing others, Còdan is personally responsible for ensuring that the Judges get along well despite the constant presence of their Chief. Concerned about the well-being of his colleagues, he is also in contact with the Cats Sìdhe, these Creatures of Time Yore that be the eyes of the Sphere. Rank : Judge, responsible for cohesion between the Judges. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Sìdhe. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Codes''.

- Aingeal (???!Reapertale!Chara) > [Judge] Mature, although sometimes quite mischievous, Aingeal specializes in spotting Corrupted Multiverses so Judges can act fast enough. She is also responsible for watching Criomag to prevent him from goes to Multiverse that happens to be under their protection. She will love to tease Ridire, and will always remain silent about her past and her own Multiverse. Rank : Judge, locate the Corrupted Multiverses. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Angel''.

- Ridire (???!Xtale!Sans/Cross) > [Judge] Coming from a Multiverse where X!Gaster's quest for perfection led to total destruction, Ridire is even colder and more distant than his alteregos, having lost many loved ones because of his "father". He will categorically refuse to discuss the clear reasons for his trauma, saying that it concerns no one but him. Fuath saw him as an excellent bodyguard, so he decided to make him his right arm, although he acts more like a living shield, even though he no longer considers himself "alive." Aingeal will often tease him in an attempt to bring out the "real him", but will never really succeed. Rank : Judge, Bodyguard of Fuath. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling its role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Knight''

- Criomag (???!Papercrane) > [Judge] Judge having trouble controlling his powers and relatively dangerous because of his peculiarity to devour magic involuntarily, Criomag doesn't yet really know how to speak and seems a little confused, not rellay knowing what he does in Parliament. Aingeal will be responsible for watching him and will try to teach him to read and write, so that communication is less complicated. He often poses problem by going, without doing it on purpose, in Multiverses under the protection of the Judges, but remains nevertheless very endearing. Rank : Judge. Current situation : Alive, always fulfilling his role as best he can, doing his best. Creatures of the Time Yore : None known to date. Meaning of his name of Judge : ''Fragments''.

4. Olympe Sphere

Sphere on the theme of Greek mythology. Their Parliament is located on what might resemble the Olympus of mythology, although there is in reality nothing at the foot of this gigantic mountain.

- Hadès ("Gaster") > [Primordial Judge] The first judge to be born in the Olympe Sphere is someone very calm and cold, but who over time has learned to be more gentle and caring with others. Although Zeus is the Official Chef from a point of view of the others Spheres, it is most often Hades who takes care of managing the Parliament and repairing the "nonsense" of his junior. Rank : Primordial Judge, Chief Judge, one of the three Heads of the Sphere, Master of Hells and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Cerberus (Formerly) Beings of the Time Yore : Charon (In some way). Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Hells from Greek mythology.

- Hestia ("Chara") > [Primordial  Judge] Second born, she is a bubbly and compassionate girl, always ready to help others, she doesn't really like conflicts and always tries to ensure that relationships go well between the Judges, even if it is sometimes difficult because of the temperament of a certain Judge. Rank : Primordial Judge, maternal figure of the "Parliament" and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Spíti (Phoenix with rainbow feathers). Meaning of her name of Judge : Name of the Goddess of the Family,  Fire and Home from Greek mythology.

- Déméter ("Alphys") > [Primordial Judge] Calm and thoughtful, she is the third born in the Sphere. She is the one who takes care of the lively gardens of their "Parliament", and she often helps her older sister to settle conflicts. Rank : Primordial Judge, responsible for the gardens of the "Parliament" and ???. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of her name of Judge : Name of the Goddess of Seasons and Harvests from Greek mythology.

- Poséidon ("Papyrus") > [Primordial Judge] The most dynamic of the three leaders of the Olympe Sphere, which sometimes annoys his younger brother. He is however very appreciated by the new Judges for his kindness and benevolence. He helps Déméter by taking care of aquatic plants, being more comfortable than her in water. Rank : Primordial Judge , Chief Judge, one of the three Heads of the Sphere and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Hydra. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of the Sea, Earthquakes and Horses from Greek mythology.

- Héra ("Toriel") > [Primordial Judge] Younger of the three sisters, she is strangely the only one that Zeus really listens to, so it is often her who ends up calming him when he lets his emotions dominated him . Rank : Primordial Judge and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of her name of Judge : Name of the Goddess of Women and Marriage from Greek mythology.

- Zeus ("Asgore") > [Primordial Judge] Proud and impulsive, although officially in the eyes of other Spheres the legitimate Head of the Sphere, he is not the one who best fulfills this role . However, he takes advantage of his status very often to remind other Primordials who is the one the Entity has chosen to lead. His explosive temper has caused him several problems, both with his colleagues and with Judges from other Spheres, but these still resolved themselves without him really knowing why. Rank : Primordial Judge,  Chief Judge, one of the three Head of the Sphere, Diplomatic Chief of the Sphere and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : Astrapí (Phoenix of Lightning). Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Lightning and Head of the Gods from Greek mythology.

- Thanatos ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] One of the two right arms of Hadès, twin brother of Hypnos, Thanatos is someone quite… cold, cynical, and a little mocking, even provocative, who almost seems love to be feared, but he doesn't have a evil heart. He often stands up to Zeus, making it very clear to him that he has no orders to receive from anyone other than Hadès, and that he sees no legitimacy in the place of Chief of Zeus. Rank : Primordial Judge, Hadès Right Arm and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Death from Greek mythology.

- Hypnos ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] One of the two right arms of Hadès, twin brother of Thanatos, more calm and gentle than his brother, it is generally him who prevents him from going too far in his words or actions. Although he doesn't stand up as firmly as Thanatos, Hypnos doesn't think less than his twin regarding the legitimacy of Zeus in the place of Chief. Rank : Primordial Judge, Hades Right Arm and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creatures of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Sleep from Greek mythology.

- Kères ("Humaine") > [Primordial Judge] Slightly overactive on the edges but remaining an adorable girl, an event made her completely lose her mind, pushing her to destroy Multiverses and torture their inhabitants for no real reason, pretending to be fairly "bored". The Olympe's Judges should have tried her, but Hadès formally objected, feeling responsible for the girl’s condition, locking her up in the Hells Abyss, hoping to find a way to get her back to herself. Sometimes it happens very rarely that she manage to escape before being locked up again. Rank : Primordial Judge, Former Right Hand of Hades and ??? . Current situation : Locked in the Hells Abyss. Creatures of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of her name of Judge : Name of the Goddess of Violent and/or Cruel Death from Greek mythology.

- Apollon (???!Ink!Asriel) > [Judge] Coming from a Multiverse where Ink is an Asriel, and Error, a Chara, he is someone very attentive, who takes care with calm and passion of the medical center of their "Parliament", although he has no Soul. It is also him who ensures that the latter remains in good condition, he maintains the frescoes, repaints the walls whose paint begins to flake, and so on. Rank : Judge, doctor, column repairer (It is very important, I promise you) and ???. Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling its role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Music, Arts and Healing from Greek Mythology.

- Hermès (???! Core! Frisk) > [Judge] Coming from the same Multiverse as Apollon, he tends to easily get lost in the Sphere, his colleagues then having to go find him, relegating the task each in turn. It has become a kind of game and custom in their "Parliament" to bet on the place where it has been lost. It is him who is responsible for transmitting messages between the Judges, whether internal or those sent by other Spheres to the Leaders. Rank : Judge, messenger and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of Travelers, Merchants, Thieves, Athletes and Shepherds from Greek Mythology.

-Héphaïstos (???!Gerson) > [Judge] Coming from a Classic Universe, but at the time of Chara's arrival in the Underground, his Multiverse was Judged and he woke up in Parliament, remaining perfectly calm in front of this new situation. He quickly adapted to his new role. Rank : Judge, assistant to repairs and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of the Forge and the Blacksmiths from Greek Mythology.

- Aphrodite (???!Chara) > [Judge] A Chara who is a little too fascinated by romantic relationships and a little what you'd call a shrinking violet, but don't be mistaken. Like roses, behind its great beauty hide poisoned thorns. His Multiverse has been destroyed by the Destroyer. Rank : Judge and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling its role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of her name of Judge : Name of the Goddess of Love and Beauty from Greek Mythology.

- Athéna (Reapertale!Undyne) > [Judge] An Undyne from Reapertale. Her Multiverse was Judged and she ended up in the "Parliament". She spends a lot of time with Poséidon. Rank : Judge and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of her Judge name : Name of the Goddess of Wisdom and Warrior Strategy from Greek Mythology.

- Artémis (Twintale!Frisk) > [Judge] A Frisk coming from a Universe where the "Game" is played by 2, one embodying a female Frisk, and the other a male Frisk, like some kind of inseparable twins . Rank : Judge and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling her role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of her name of Judge : Name of the Goddess of Hunting from Greek Mythology.

- Arès (Twintale!Frisk) > [Judge] A Frisk from a Universe where the "Game" is played by two, one embodying a male Frisk, and the other a female Frisk, like some kind of inseparable twins. Rank : Judge and ???  Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling his role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his name of Judge : Name of the God of War from Greek Mythology

- Morphée (???!Dream/Nightmare) > [Judge] A Dream and a Nightmare merged under mysterious circumstances shortly before their Multiverse collapsed. Rank : Judge and ??? . Current situation : Alive, still fulfilling their role. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of their name of Judge : Name of the God of Dreams from Greek Mythology

5. Éclypse Sphere

Twenty-four is the number of Multiverses remaining in this enormous Sphere. A war between the Judges of this Sphere ravaged everything, they killed each other, they all disappeared, except three who remained spectators of the conflict, there was nothing they could do to stop it. Now they just watch over what survived the war, waiting for Asgard to come and give his Judgment.

- Séléos  ("Sans") > [Primordial Judge] A very calm and attentive skeleton, he doesn't support conflicts. Before the war, a simple adviser to the Head of the Sphere, he is now at its head. Rank : Primordial Judge, Chief Judge. Current situation : Alive, fulfilling its role pending their Judgment. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of their name of Judge : Beginning of "Séléne" (Moon) + the suffix "-éos".

- Héléos ("Chara") > [Primordial Judge] Héléos is a composed, calm and intelligent boy. His passion ? DIY, mechanics and everything that allows him to invent things and express his imagination. He is a great peaceful soul. We always see Miéos, a little robot he created, spinning around him. Rank : Primordial Judge, Inventor. Current situation : Alive, fulfilling his role pending their Judgment. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of their name of Judge : Beginning of "Hélios" (Sun) + the suffix "-éos".

- Écléos ("Asriel") > [Primordial Judge] Original Chief of the Éclypse Sphere, he renounced this title after the war ended, judging that he was no longer worthy of it after having let such things happen . We rarely see him leaving his room in their Parliament since. If you asked him for his opinion, he would tell you that he should be the one to be punished for what happened, and not the entire Sphere. Rank : Primordial Judge, former Chief Judge. Current situation : Alive, fulfilling his role pending their Judgment. Creature of the Time Yore : None. Meaning of his Judge name : Beginning of "Éclipse" + the suffix "-éos".

[northwind4]

Dearest WingDings（17）

*It's a story about HandPlates! Gaster and Wing! Gaster

*I’ll appreciate it very much if you point out the mistakes I made in the translation, all kinds of help are welcomed!

*previous & next

*Handplates by @zarla-s

Wing!Gaster by me

———————————————

Chapter17

“I am flying, my heart is taking over”

298

The scientists sat together waiting for the instant noodles.

W: It seems that we can have some fun during this time.

G: So?

W: Emmmm

W: 16, 15

G: ...15, 3

W: 2, 16

G: 2, 3

...

The noodles were ready.

G: 8, 13

W: ...

W: You win

G: (*smiled) Obviously

Alphys: What are they doing?

MTT: The game of Go, my dear.

MTT: Play it by memorizing the coordinates on the board, how crazy.

299

W: You are really good at this

G: Board games,cube and number puzzles like sudoku, theses require rigorous logic and overall thoughts.

G: Similarly, their principles can be applied to design puzzles, including access control and security systems. We can also combine several different operating modes, so...

This was exactly what he was interested in. Gaster didn’t realize that he said a lot, with the confidence and pride look on his face.

Wing listened quietly, feeling that the skeleton in front of him was shining brilliantly.

300

*You gave Gaster a kiss

*AND THEN, HE KISSED YOU, AND IT’S SO HOT, AND PASSIONATE, AND ALSO SWEET, AND-

Gaster patted Wing on the head with the note board.

G: Are you okay over there? You seem very absorbed in your strange semi-liquid daydreams.

G :? !What are you doing!

W: Realizing the daydreams

G: What—let go of me!

301

*THUD

Wing, with a bone attack on his head: Stay determined!

302

W: After working the whole day

W: Hot water can make us relax(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ

G: Are you going to take a shower?

W: Yeah

G: Be careful

W :?

W: Are you worried that I will be drowned in the 3-cm-deep water?

G: I’m worried that you will be washed away into the drain

303

W: Heheheh

W: I will cry out for help at that time

304

G: (*changing clothes) Rare to go to bed this early

Wing looked at the slightly glowing soul from the gaps in Gaster’s ribs.

W: ...

W: Does it hurt?

G :?

W: The cracks.

G: ...

He didn’t want to talk about this.

G: What about your skull?

305

“Do you believe me?”

Wing said as Gaster sat on the bed.

“What?”He didn’t quite understand why the other one suddenly asked this.

Wing got closer to him.

“I mean, do you believe me?” He repeated, it looked like he was not kidding.

Gaster turned to him.

“Since we have experienced so many things together, I think you’ve already known the answer.”

Wing waited for him to speak out.

“Okay,”Gaster said, “I do.”

The next second Wing held his wrists.

“What...what are you doing?” Gaster felt the fluid flowing into his chest. Wing’s body turned into a black swamp, and he was stuck in it.

“Shh,” Wing said softly, “Trust me.”

Gaster felt that his consciousness was sinking, and pure gentle darkness came over, covering his soul.

306

Gaster felt he was falling.

Unlike the previous dreams, he didn’t feel pain or fear this time.

He knew he was not alone.

307

“WingDings.”

Someone was calling his name.

“It’s OK WingDings, now open your eyes.”

G: Uh...

G: What have you done, you made me...

G: WHAT—

He touched the grass beneath him.

And then he saw bushes and fireflies, and the river from the mountains and forests in the distance. He saw the vast and deep night sky above, and countless twinkling stars.

He and Wing were standing under the vast expanse of sky. The wind flew through the hills blew over his face, brought the cool and fresh feeling.

“Surprise~”Wing laughed proudly. His eyes were even more bright than all the star shine.

308

G: This is...

G: You brought us to the surface? But how...

W: Well, this place can be called soul space? Or the spiritual world? Virtual reality? Whatever name you like

W: In order to avoid getting insane in the void, you need to give yourself some support

W: Then I made every effort to recall those beautiful things...Later I found that I could build myself...a fantasy?

W: I just get your soul, uh, or consciousness here.

W: Welcome to my world.

309

Gaster walked along the stream.

G: It’s hard to imagine you can make them so real...

W: You can analogize the holographic projection...Um...you will find the edges if you keep walking toward one direction.

G: Is there an air wall like that in the games?

W: Haha good idea, I can add it later

W: Wait don’t go there it’s a bit unstable—

G: What did you say—

Before he could finish speaking, the ground suddenly disappeared, and he fell again.

310

Gaster suddenly woke up.

He was still sitting on the bed in his bedroom, and Wing was holding his shoulders anxiously.

W: Are you OK? Are you scared? Is there anything uncomfortable?

W: Ah...it’s all my fault, I should clearly mark there, I should follow you, I should—

Gaster reached out and stopped him from talking.

W:?

G: You-this-really-

G: It’s really amazing.

He looked up at Wing, with his eyes glowing.

G: Again!

W: ...!

The black monster felt like walking on the air.

W: Yes Sir

311

They stood under the stars again.

W: Remember the birthday present I said?

G :?

W: Look.

The oncoming wind brought the moist breath of rain, far but familiar.

Gaster looked up and saw the thick gray clouds rising from the sky.

Wing held up a transparent umbrella.

W: Special for you.

312

The rain is always so amazing.

The air condenses quietly in your invisible place, then they fall, they melt in mid-air, they fly in the wind, and finally become a small drop of water falling towards you. It seems that time slows down together. The whole world is filled with the sound of rain, but it feels quiet and secure.

Gaster reached out to catch, and the water droplets shattered on his hand, and then reunited.

Ephemeral, slightly cold, but gentle.

Just like the past memories that left in his heart.

313

G: How did you do it?

He spoke again after a long silence.

W: Hmm...that’s...

W: Similar to programming, or 3D modeling, first I have a basic impression frame of the scene of rain and then start to restore the changes in the clouds and the wind and the light and shadow and then create some raindrops and tile them and then set a random motion path and then add sound and start debugging and then...

W: (*looking away) It’s...just...this

W: Ah, a-anyway

W: Do you like it?

314

G: ...

He held the raindrop in his hand, looking towards the distant sky.

G: Much more than LIKE.

315

W: Wow

W: Well, that’s great...I mean, great

He felt his language ability was broken again. He wanted to stop and give himself some time to think, but his body didn’t seem to be controlled by the extreme rationality.

So he continued, stutteringly.

W: I think we have been together for a long time

W: And maybe there will be more time in the future

W: So I think we can do many things together, such as

W: As...

W: Watch...the...rain...?

Oh no he was completely out of control.

316

W: I mean

W: Would you

W: Like

W: Someone

W: to

W: be

W: with

W: you

W: ?

317

Gaster turned to Wing and stared at him as if he was reading an arcane test report.

Wing just wanted to wash himself away in the stream.

318

G: ...

G: Well, thank you for this gift

G: But I haven’t prepared anything for you yet.

Wing thought Gaster was going to skip the topic just now, but the brilliant scientist put a hand on his neck and made him lower his head.

Gaster looked away.

G: But I just thought of one...I think you will like it

He took a deep breath, it seemed that speaking became difficult for him too.

Finally he gave up the words, just took a step forward.

319

The rain stopped.

Under the pouring starlight, they shared a kiss.

[xenophanatic]

In Depth Analysis of ‘Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne?’

Romantic narratives usually hinge upon a love hurdle, hurdles which are the reasons the couple are not together and causes angst between them. Whether the hurdle or obstacle comes from rival families, social standing, or past actions. These stories are also seen as forbidden love. However, as years go by these particular hurdles seem trivia and writers are trying to up the ante. This gave way to new hurdles such as:

 I’m a human and you’re a vampire, werewolf, alien, robot, angel, fish or Cthulhu.

 I’m a cop, you’re a killer.

 And other questionable new hurdles of forbidden love.

 We may be siblings or related.

 I’m in love with my kidnapper

And there was a Pakistani show, Woh Aik Pak (That One Moment) in which the hero accidentally shot a guy and then leaves him for dead. He feels guilty and decided to marry dead guy’s widow and adopt their son, without her knowledge that he killed her late husband. It’s like a darker version of the American film Bounce. All these new hurdles are quite problematic. 

They are questionable as they put a romantic light on dark and real social issues - incest, abusive and manipulative relationships. So, it isn’t surprising that when I heard of the premise of a Turkish show, Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne? (What is Fatmagul’s fault?), I refused to watch it.

 The premise was told to me as such:

Fatamgul is engaged to her childhood sweetheart Mustafa and is looking forward to their marriage. One night, four young men grab her and start to play around with her. They never think that the joke will turn into a rape at first. But later, they begin to rape her, one by one. The sun of her life is shadowed after that night; it's not only Fatmagul's body which was raped, but also her life. Mustafa breaks off their engagement and even worse - in order to save the honour of her family she is forced to marry one of the rapists.

So here the hurdle which they couple have to overcome is… marrying her rapist. Oh no. 

I never really critically thought about the impact of depicting rape or sexual violence on television before. Not until I heard that Hannibal’s showrunner Bryan Fuller had a ban on rape scenes in his procedural series.

To Enterment Weekly, Fuller stated,

“A character gets raped” is a very easy story to pitch for a drama. And it comes with a stable of tropes that are infrequently elevated dramatically, or emotionally. I find that it’s not necessarily thought through in the more common crime procedurals. You’re reduced to using shorthand, and I don’t think there can be a shorthand for that violation— it’s an incredibly personal and intimate betrayal of something that should be so positive and healthy. And it’s frequently so thinly explored because you don’t have the real estate in 42 minutes to dig deep into what it is to be a victim of rape.”

This had me look critically at the narratives and tropes that surround rape. Three I found interesting tropes that occur.

1)     The rape of a woman used to justify her own cruelty. I’ve seen this a lot in American show where they have a mature aged woman who is powerful, ruthless, and seen as antagonist to the younger female protagonist. However, it is revealed that the woman was raped in the past and her ruthlessness is caused by the rape.

2)     The rape is seen as a who dunnit, where characters that are not the victim are searching for the rapist. The rapist is usually revealed with a twist with it either being a relative or family friend. This is used for dramatic effect and shock value. The woman is either dead or in other ways incapacitated

3)     The rape of a woman is usually the Hero’s ‘call to adventure’ or catalyst for revenge. The woman is raped and it is the hero’s job to avenge her. The hero can either be a grieving father or mourning lover. This is done from Shakespeare’s play to the recent Bollywood film Kaabil. The women are presented as objects and motivation for the hero to extract revenge for his honour or seek justice for his lose, while the women are either dead or literally mutilated.  

This one is also semi-related to the trope of a man saving a woman from rape and her instantly forgetting the traumatic experience and giving herself to her rescuer as thank you. Again, this shows the woman’s lack of agency on her own sexuality and body.

Therefore, with the premise that I found of Fatmagul I was scared that the show will redeem the rapist and make him a likeable character who Fatmagul would fall for. I found out from other plot summaries that it turned out that her husband didn’t actually participate in the rape, but that had no effect on me. It would be like that Pakistani drama which the guy ‘accidentally killed’ the husband. He too would be a victim and absolved from his crimes.

There were so many reasons why I couldn’t stand a love story between these two characters. She was raped and forced to marry her rapist, even though it may not be the case in Turkey now, in some countries there are still the ‘marry your rapist’ law. The trauma of being ganged rape could not be overcome with love, especially if that love is coming from a man who was there when it happened.

Anyway, I tried to stay away from this show - just on principles - but then, hearing everyone raving about it and telling me to watch it, I gave in and watched the series and... I enjoyed it immensely and here is why.

1. The treatment of rape 

When television has a woman who has been raped, it is either to create drama or to provide a backstory of why she is the way she is. Narrative about rape, when done wrong, is contained in a single episode or storyline. However, ‘What’s Fatmagul’s fault’ does not consist of one episode about rape as the whole show is revolved around Fatmagül - how she is coping after being raped and her search for justice.

The rape scene itself is quite uncomfortable and unsettling, never going beyond into tantalising or sensationalising territory. During the first few episodes it seemed that each of the three rapists would be a representation of different motives of rape. Erdoğan, having been humiliated and emasculated by his family, he dominates over Fatmagul’s body as pathetic grasp for power. He rapes Fatmagul in an attempt to gain control and portray masculinity to overcome his lack of dominance in the business or powerless role in the family. Vural, is the last of the three to rape Fatmagul and is seemed to join in as part of a commodity of sort. The nature of gang rape is said to be a sadistic way the men bond and form commodity. Vural seems to be ashamed of his action during and after it is over. Vural is depicted though the series as a coward – who is unable to admit to his actions nor is able to overcome them. He’s constantly in a depression of his guilt, but is selfish and such a coward that he is unable to confess to his crime. However, this theory of mine could never live up to its potential. I couldn’t understand Selim and his character motivation. At first, he seemed to dislike committing to one woman, his fiancé, but then can’t stand the idea of losing her. I thought his violence towards Fatmagul was to do with his unwillingness to commit to one sexual partner or be dominated by a woman, but that wasn’t the case from his interaction with his fiancé and later wife after the rape. Erdoğan, who I assumed, after escaping punishment for raping Fatmagul, would continue to assault women in order to have some sort of dominance – but again that never come up and I disliked his romance with the doctor. It seemed like in the end, they could just blame it on drugs. The rapist could have been explored, but I guess they weren’t due to it not being their story nor a justification for their action. The story is about Fatmagul.

2. Fatmagul and her agency and growth.

Famagul, the character and the actress’s performance, were amazing. After her rape she wants justice and the support of her fiancé. After her fiancé rejects her and her family pressurise her to marry Kerim, she – releasing no one is supporting her, loses her trust on the justice system and accepts society’s dictation on what should happen to her. Every action Fatmagul made, I understood. From waiting for her fiancé Mustafa, to wanting to kill herself, to attempting to kill Kerim. Every action made sense.

What was important was Kerim wasn’t shown as her saviour. The series never claimed that Kerim’s love was what Fatmagul needed to be whole again. Nor was it a male figure that ignited venges or sense of self-preservation in her. It was a woman. Kerim’s sister aka Abla becomes a confident to Fatmagul. She doesn’t show much tells Fatmagul what to do, but let’s Fatmagul know she has options and opportunities. Abla introduces two concepts which are extremely important. Education and therapy.

Fatmagul completes her education, giving her opportunities to find employment, become a business owner, and later confidence to obtain a driving licence. This demonstrates Fatmagul’s agency and her ability to be self-sufficient. Abla also suggests therapy to Fatmagul, who at first reject it but later asks for help. I like that they didn’t force it on her and that Fatmagul actively sort out mental help. Even the obligatory make-over scene of the female character isn’t from the courtesy of the male character, but through the bond of Abla and Fatmagul. Women helping women. It was nice to see this in contrast to Fatmagul’s sister-in-law’s character. The saying that there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help women, it’s filled with people like her.

The thing I disliked was Fatmagul’s love for Mustafa after he rejected her. But the series did a good job explaining that she wasn’t yearning for him, but a life before she was raped. He represented a life she could have had. She was holding on to that idea, but let it go knowing that she could never go back to a time where that was possible. And later she rejects Mustafa when he pleads that he was mistaken and wants her back. She rightfully addresses that he should have believed her and that when she needed him the most, he made it about himself and left her.

I also like the relationship she has with Kerim. She rejects him at every corner – and I agree with her at every step of the way. He doesn’t leave the country and declares he loves her. I disliked him, just as she did for that. He buys them rings and gets happy when she wears it- but really, she wears it to avoid unwanted attention from men. Again, I rolled by eyes at him for being happy at that but loved that Abla was feeling the same and asked Kerim to give Fatmagul space. He sees her letting go of the scarf Mustafa gave her, as a sign that she is letting go of Mustafa. I just hated when he had hope that she would fall for him. Dude, she’s going through some shit. Again, loved that she corrected him stating that she let go of the scarf because it used to remind her of her love for Mustafa but now it’s the thing that his friends used to muffle her screams.

No matter what Kerim did, I could not root from him. He would keep telling Fatmagul that he is innocent and didn’t do anything, which I believe doesn’t change anything cos he was there when it happened. He drew the other men’s attention to her, he grabbed her first, and he didn’t stop it. He was part of the nightmare.

However, as the show went Kerim realised his part in the rape. Him confronting Mustafa and explaining the true events of that night. Saying that Fatmagul was raped by those men, and even though he didn’t rape her – he also didn’t stop it from happening. Kerim claims it’s the fault of those men and his fault. But it is not her fault. I loved this scene as Kerim was finally focusing the narrative on Fatmagul. As mentioned earlier, rape narrative on occasion focuses on the male character. His quest for vengeance or justice. Though I haven’t read it, apparently in the original novel the story was focused on Kerim and his struggles of marrying a victim of rape. Yeah… poor guy. Thankfully, the show doesn’t do that. Kerim in the first few episodes make it about him but later recognises that it is about Fatmagul and what she has gone through because of him.

There is a lovely scene, which I kind of wish was explored more. After Kerim confesses and tells the police about the night – he asks Fatmagul if she’s angry at him for filling in a report. Fatmagul denies it. And plainly states she’s angry at herself for not telling the police first and thereby making this his victory. 

Again, I liked this scene because Fatmagul addresses that she should have been the one to go to the police. She should have agency, instead Kerim took that and made it about him. What a poorer series would have made into an epic romantic gesture, ‘Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne?’ questions and addresses the male discourses.

Though by the end, Fatmagul forgives Kerim – I was glad that she did after the audience was allowed to forgive him. I had forgiven and fell in love with Kerim before Fatmagul and that was crucial part of the series. And what I loved was that when Fatmagul’s harpy of sister-in-law wants to take credit for making Fatmagul marry Kerim, Fatmagul breaks down and reveals to Kerim’s half-sister that though she loves Kerim and her life with him, she would give it all up to go back before that night. She would rather never have known him than have been a victim of rape. It is a touching scene that reminds us that while Fatmagul is moving on with life; being a business owner, living in a nice house, and in love with Kerim, none of it is worth having what had happen to her.

3. Kerim and his search for redemption and forgiving himself.

Like I said before, it took a long while for me to like Kerim. Even by then end his tendency to lose his temper – due to the rapists - in front of Fatmagul annoyed the hell out of me. It is obvious that Fatmagul is uncomfortable with two things Kerim being angry and him drinking alcohol. So again, I wished this was address. Other than that, Kerim’s arch was well handed.

Though I was on Kerim’s side by the end of Season 1, it wasn’t until Season 2 that I truly liked him. In the first season we are given glimpses of Kerim’s past. After his father abandoned him, his mother committed suicide. Kerim was the one who found her body. This is why Kerim doesn’t want to abandon Fatmagul, as he doesn’t want to give the same pain his father did. He hates his father and refuses to read the letters he sends.

However, father and son reconnect. It is revealed that Kerim’s mother was in love with another man, but her family made her marry Kerim’s father. Even years after their marriage, she couldn’t forget her love. After giving birth to Kerim, the mother’s ex kills himself. Kerim’s father leaves the house, knowing that the mother can love no one ever again. Not being able to live in a world without her ex, she kills herself. This information informs Kerim’s growth as a character. He realises that he wasn’t enough for his mother and that she didn’t love him as much as her ex. Believing that Fatmagul is still in love with Mustafa and he is just someone she was forced to marry – Kerim identifies with his father and thinks that Fatmagul could never love him. He decided to let Fatmagul leave this force relationship.

I liked this as it was a change of character, as Kerim was always trying to make Fatmagul love him – he realised that he couldn’t force her feelings onto him. Fatmagul says she wants to work things out with him. This made their relationship an active choice of Fatmagul.

The knowledge of his past made Kerim a more self-aware character. Even though Fatmagul forgives him, he can’t. And I like that while Fatmagul wants to begin a relationship with him, he’s the one that is now haunted by the night of the rape.

Kerim also joins Fatmagul in her therapy sessions and two talk about their relationship and issues they have in themselves. And the show does a good job depicting the characters feelings towards physical intimacy.

There is a powerful scene where after Kerim and Fatmagul have their first kiss, they each go to their separate bedrooms. Fatmagul has a nightmare in which is on the bed in her wedding dress and Erdoğan and Selim are looking over her. Kerim is there also, and watches helplessly. Fatmagul silently screams for Kerim, but he doesn’t move as Erdoğan touches her wedding dress. She wakes up with a concern Kerim walking into her room, and she screams, frighted of him.

It is scenes like these that explore the characters’ fears and motivations that made Fatmagul a great show. However, there are some flaws with it. Like, I don’t care about rapist family business. I feel like every 20 episodes the business is bankrupt but nothing happiness. The patriarchy head yells about this rape affecting his business and how they are going to run their business. By the end, I just didn’t care anymore and skipped the scenes dealing with the families of the rapists. Erdoğan and Selim on the run was annoying and so was their romances with other women – especially after the women found out they were rapists. And the court case was filled with soap opera moments and rarely any actual legal stuff. Like a great example would be the Vurat parent testified that he was with them that night, but they weren’t even in the country at the time. But atlas half of the witness either die or are brought off.

I have to mention my favourite episode. The last episode. I could do a whole review of that episode, but for now I’ll keep it short. The episode cuts between the court case and the events of the day of the rape. As audience we get see scenes from Episode 1, old characters that have left or died, and additional scenes that flesh out character and give a final closure to their arcs. However, the best part is the ending of the flashback. We are taken back to the night of the rape, as Fatmagul goes to see Mustafa and Kerim spots her. However, he doesn’t draw attention to her. She sees them and continues on her way. The rape never occurs. This is a powerful scene, on of many. Kerim later on catches up with Fatmagul who has missed Mustafa’s boat. He talks to her but she rejects him and walks back home.

This seems to be a wishful ending of the flashback from Kerim and Fatmagul. Of how they wish that night had went. The ending alludes to Kerim maybe going to see her the next day and maybe in another world they would have met and fell in love without that night having to happen. 

Fatmagül'ün Suçu Ne? is an excellent show and has 80 episodes to explore characters and the aftermath of sexual violence. I give it 4/5. 

If you haven’t seen it, check it out - if you have, what did you think of it? 

[emmadelosnardos-blog]

Complete Bathmate Review and More

I have basically maxed away a ~7.5" x 6,1".

Large, however, not "huge".

Though a major expansion from the ~ 5.3" x 5.0" dick I once had.

I am interested in a few experimental hormonal techniques to put in a bit more size, though I am a lot happy with what is in between the legs of mine now. My lady is happy as well. ;)

I've the "rings," upon utilizing bathmate and they also disappear in a couple of minutes. I eventually recognized what they're from I am getting much too large for the Hercules and yes it may be the time to go as much as the larger body. I've the brand new Hydromax x30 on the manner in which. The Bathmate Hercules supports as many as 9" in length and 6.5" in girth. I am pressing it on girth [when broadened within the Bathmate] at this stage.

Bathmate was among the products that got me to begin the site through the primary Facebook group of ours. Because of the private dynamics of the problem and more than the best advertising by lots of makes, it's tough to locate authentic reviews and specifics about male enhancement products. I will protect every part of Bathmate in this particular comprehensive comment. You will discover confirmed consumer opinions in the conclusion of the article that are an aspect of the Facebook group of ours.

Bathmate (almost any penis enlargement pump) works by producing a vacuum round the penis. As the vacuum grows? that's, substance is pumped from the cylinder that involve the penis? the ensuing strain attracts bloodstream in to the erectile chambers, extending the penile shaft to its optimum capacity.Thanks to the suppleness of the penile cells, there's obviously great space for expansion not unlike an over inflated tyre.

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Here is what this particular penis pump is able to do:

Improve measurements in place to plus 1-2 inches in most cases after 6-12 months

Augment thickness

Boost self-confidence

For higher stamina

Increases orgasm

Enlarge penile head

Correct curves

Help in Peyronie's condition (Clinically proven)

Assists erectile dysfunction Bathmate most pumps begun as atmosphere that is to high. Nevertheless, that was innovated to present an even more efficient consequence. With all the experts' pneumatic and hydraulic awareness, they realized the pump is able to move better with h2o. The h2o produces a partial vacuum that involve the penis that will improve as well as enhance the penile wellbeing.

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Hercules? This's suggested for males with a minimum of seven penile measurements. This could also support so long as 8.4 with a girth of 6.6 max. This's the least expensive style however numerous men discovered the to become the best also.

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Picking out the pump which meets you many is vital, or else, you won't just receive the preferred effect though you are able to possess a swollen, bruised and sore penis. This has absolutely nothing to do with the choice of yours of using water or maybe air flow pump. The most significant factor is picking the item with the very best quality.

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In your everyday bath (in a bath or maybe tub), load up the tube with h2o that is warm. Next, put in the flaccid penis of yours within the pump's cylinder (Nevertheless, many men acknowledge they normally use this with an erect penis). To create a preliminary seal, drag the pump to the body of yours as well as release this. As you are doing very, the bath is going to be introduced out of the pump by its release lamp that is situated in the cylinder's conclusion.

After the unit is sealed, you'll be able to start your pumping period. Of the procedure, the penis of yours is going to increase in dimension and erect.

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[heartfulmentality-blog]

Own your Mindset for good.

Process:

1 Before performing any task you want to do, or you are about to begin, choose how you want to live this situation, decide.

2 Notice what thoughts arise, or what emotions or feelings, that is your current level of “inner experience”. All of that is: "your unconscious mind choosing for you", how to accomplish the task.

3 To whatever distraction or demotivation you may experience take notice and say or thought: this is not what I choose, I’m going to live this situation like (more constructively) and use your whole intention right there. Reafirmante your decision, because in presence of your new decision, older programs will react, not oppose but will arise to be chosen over your New Mindset. Never let them have importance in your mental life. Choose what you want and don't fight them because that way you'll loose, choose your new life instead, by Mindset.

4 Repeat as much as experience demonstrates that you need to (for your own good, or that of your goal), next time before performing an important task one you want to live different. 

 Choose and never let older programs run your life. Which means the  inner experience that you face each time before performing a deed. As you keep on the practice, your inner experience will shift in a happier brighter one. It gets easier each time, because you are unplugging your or “not more useful” mental models and connecting to a more life enhancing reality.

How to use it:

This is not for you to hate or escape your thought or feelings, for inner experiences you must know that they are meaningless, not bad or sad or whatever, and whatever you feel about your thoughts or anything.

 The real enemy is not here, is nothing but your current Inner experience, from which you are becoming aware of its existence. Nothing but distractions that keep you in loop experiencing the reality that you don’t want to.

In presence of your new decision, those thoughts and emotions are meaningless. When they arise know that this your unconscious mind reacting to the new task which needs to be accomplished.

Your unconscious mind doesn’t think, much less conspired with your plans.

So take the control and choose, because you can be creative about how you’ll gonna live your life from now on, that's not work for your unconscious mind which puts your past, into the present over and over endlessly, unless you choose, and turn the match in your favor, only so is when:

“that what you hold in mind tends to manifest”.

Don't get me wrong here, putting unconscious as the villain, its mission it to protect you, and can react faster than you can take notice.

This is progressive and as much as you skip standing in front of your situation, consciously choosing, your unconscious mind will as a very efficient machine.

 And you don’t want that, because that is what brings you to loop unwanted situations in the first place, and know that:

"Whether Circumstances in life are the instrument of an orchestra, Mentality is the music director."

As much this is a progressive process you get it easier and happier each time. I know you may hear this many times, so I did too, but be aware that you are shifting your mentality to a higher principle, one with much more energy, so patience if you come again and things don’t work so good as last time, you have to pick up again your choice and keep reinforcing your new mentality in steps of decisions or mindsettings, the stronger the better, and you’ll naturally see, to your surprise, that you can go bolder and bolder with your choice in mentalities to your surprise.

 I encourage you to save this as favorite, or in any easily retrievable place “whatever easy place for you to find” and practice it, because as I said earlier you’ll need to remember that your process will be like gym:

 "eat, train, sleep, repeat".

Thank God once is created, mentality is no longer subject to entropy. I’m not intending here a 3 useful tips post, I’m starting this blog in order to be able to create my first book ever so...

 Thank you so much for being here.

I’ll gladly read about your experiences, which will help my work take form, I hope this turn out really useful to you.

Please try it before commenting, this is a matter of experience, nothing about knowledge.

Be also aware that the more you practice it and see results your fears or barriers of any kind will in do time, fall effortlessly.

Also as you gain awareness on your mentalities, you’ll see how the older mentality you currently replaced has been working so effectively and powerful to accomplished the task it was created for, in an unconscious fashion of course, which means “you did not created intentionally” and possibly is effective in a way of crafting an uncomfort reality. It was obviously in the unconscious fashion it took form, but...

 how effective it shaped silently your current life.

And with the same efficiency you can turn the wind into your favor.

PS: I’m applying all I said above into this work.

With Love Julian.

[jaemtens]

Rescue (Chapter 5)

seventeen | junhao | side meanie / vernkwan | chapter 5 of 10 | 18.8k

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written with @bulletproof-bad-wolf | updates every saturday morning

summary:  When Soonyoung finally “agrees” to let Junhui get a dog for their apartment, he realizes that he needed something a little bit more than a puppy. Enter Minghao, the bona fide Bad Boy™ with tattoos and piercings. Oh, and he doodles puppies and kittens in their Probability and Confirmation class.

chapter 5: junhui

It was just a casual guess, really, an estimate pulled out of the sky and definitely not decided through hours and hours of intense, unending thought about the subject. It was just a casual guess, but Junhui was pretty sure Minghao hadn’t spoken a word or even looked at him in nearly three weeks. Not since the day at the shelter, when Junhui had adopted Lilli.

He hadn’t acknowledged Junhui was alive in exactly nineteen days, two hours, and forty-six minutes.

Approximately. Junhui absolutely had not spent any time adding that up on an actual, real-life calculator.

He had a life, after all. Even if that life was upsettingly empty, without even the small bit of communication Minghao and he had shared.

The only thing Junhui really had now was Lilli. The small dachshund had become Junhui’s entire world of late, and he didn’t regret it at all. He spent every second he wasn’t in his classes playing with her, teaching her tricks, walking her, and generally just cooing at/around her on a loop. At first, Soonyoung had been openly aghast about all of it. He didn’t like dogs, he didn’t like Lilli, and he didn’t like this new situation Junhui had gotten him into. But slowly, so slowly that Junhui might not have noticed it if he didn’t suddenly have all kinds of extra time that allowed him to pay close attention...things began to change.

Outwardly, Soonyoung didn’t like Lilli. But, when he thought Junhui wasn’t looking, that wasn’t exactly the case.

At least twice, Junhui had caught his roommate petting the dog. That, on it’s own, might have been enough of a Happening to raise alarm.

But it didn’t end there.

Soonyoung began to bring home a variety of leftovers from the campus cafeteria, tucked into paper napkins and shoved into his pockets, and while Junhui really wanted to comment on the sanitation issues there, he didn’t, because every time it occurred, Soonyoung would pull the half a dinner roll or small helping of cooked carrots out of his pocket and toss it on the counter, then say casually, “Oh, I guess I forgot I had this. You can give it to Lilli if you want,” then walk away before Junhui could subject him to any questioning.

Not that he needed to. The action was admission enough.

Anyways, Lilli was his whole life, and Soonyoung maybe didn’t hold as much of a grudge against her as he pretended he did, so things were pretty okay in Junhui’s world. As long as he didn’t spend too much time obsessing over the weight of the Minghao Problem, it was good. Admittedly, he wasn’t doing that great in his classes. But honestly, when had he ever? Wen Junhui was a master at Getting By. He’d done it all his life, the bare minimum, just good enough to not be noticed. It was one of the things that pained his parents the most. They would constantly remind him how smart he was, how much potential he had, how very much he was squandering it by not really trying at his education.

By the time he got to high school, Junhui had run out of ways and willpower to try and explain to them that just because he was smart, didn’t mean he had any idea what he wanted to do with all that intelligence. Hopefully, he had at least another year of taking random, bullshit classes left before he would really have to figure everything out. It was problem for Future Junhui, really. Present Junhui was busy.

Busy spectacularly bombing his midterms.

He studied. A little. Junhui spent at least half an hour or so the morning of each exam cramming information into his head while he crammed breakfast into his face. He got an acceptable return on his Impressionist Painting practical. History of Film wasn’t a total wash. But Beginner French, Prob and Conf, and Principles of Pastry Decoration? Shit. Actual piles of excrement, his grades. Junhui was especially ashamed about Pastry Decoration. He’d mixed the royal icing all wrong, three times in a row, and then he didn’t have enough of each ingredient left for a redo, so he was stuck with runny royal, and the result was an exceptionally sad looking, melty wedding cake. Junhui had tried to convince his professor that it was a metaphor, for the way love eventually becomes a puddle of all the expectations and excitement one had at the beginning of a relationship.

Actually, Junhui spent an embarrassingly long time pleading his case to the T.A., the one and only Lee Jihoon, object of Soonyoung’s previously mentioned, ill-advised crush. He’d cornered Jihoon on his way out of class, and Jihoon stood there uncomfortably for three-quarters of an hour while Junhui likened his oozy, upsetting wedding cake to the way Love Always Dies.

He was maybe projecting. Just a bit. That didn’t make his point any less valid, Junhui figured.

“It’s just like...it’s like…” Junhui fumbled, somewhere around the forty-four minute mark, “It’s like when you just try so hard to be nice to someone, because they’re special, right? You try really hard, you try to, um...mix your ingredients right and not say dumb shit, I mean, not make bad frosting, or whatever…” He couldn’t even look at Jihoon anymore. Junhui stared at the ground instead. He was aware that he should probably stop, that this was all extremely futile. But he had pride, dammit. Pride, an overwhelming need to not fucking fail this exam, and also, lots more projecting to wade through.

“And you do all that trying, until you’re so tired you can’t try anymore, and anyway, they won’t even fucking give you the time of day in class...or...um...y’know, the sugar...won’t...it won’t mix with the...the spice…” Junhui trailed off. He was finally done, maybe. At the very least, he had maybe said enough insane things to make Jihoon take pity on him and talk to the professor. Hopefully.

Jihoon had his arms crossed when Junhui glanced up again. He was a short guy, but he could pack enough intimidation into his gaze to bring down a whole gaggle of jacked weightlifters with barely a word. It was moderately terrifying, honestly. Anyway, Jihoon’s arms were crossed and he was staring at Junhui, but to Junhui’s surprised, he didn’t look angry, or annoyed, or like he was secretly recording every word of Junhui’s brain vomit to use against him later.

He looked concerned. And faintly confused, but Junhui sort of vaguely remembered most of what he’d just said, and that was to be expected, really.

Junhui huffed out a shaky breath, his eyes stinging. He didn’t really realize the rest of him was shaking, either, until tears started to roll down his cheeks, the kind of warm, angry tears that weren’t really sad, but more just made of sheer frustration. He was so frustrated, with himself and his classes and the situation with Minghao. It was just too much, suddenly.

At least they were the only ones left in the classroom. Small mercies.

When Junhui started crying, it was quiet enough that he could still hear Jihoon mutter, “Good god,” before an awkward arm circled his shoulder. Briefly, Junhui wondered how Jihoon could actually reach his shoulder, but Jihoon was trying to comfort Junhui, and he appreciated it, so he stowed away the height jokes for the time being.

Also, Jihoon had the potential to make or break his midterm grade. There was that.

Jihoon pulled his arm back after a few moments, clearing his throat. Junhui continued to focus on every crack in the floor, trying to get his emotions under control. Neither of them said anything for a while.

Finally, Jihoon sighed. “Come on,” he said firmly, dragging Junhui out of the room and down the hall by his arm, and Junhui let him.

*

Junhui didn’t really pay attention to the journey. He was mostly just trying to shrink in on himself as much as possible as Jihoon pulled him along, out of the culinary arts building and across the campus quad and then off-campus entirely, and by the time they got to the little boba shop right on the edge of the university, frequented by students and teachers alike, Junhui had managed to stop crying like a baby.

He came back to himself a little bit in the shop, standing behind Jihoon as he ordered two drinks authoritatively, sat Junhui down at a table and then went back to wait for their order. Junhui didn’t want boba. He wasn’t hungry, or thirsty, even though he felt empty inside. He didn’t know what Jihoon was trying to do, or why. As far as Junhui knew, Jihoon had never been nice to a single person or student in his entire life.

To his extreme and eternal surprise, when Jihoon returned with their order, he gave Junhui a friendly smile, pushing one drink to Junhui’s side of the table. Junhui stared at it, then back at Jihoon. He felt light-headed.

“So. Tell me about the guy,” Jihoon said, and holy shit, he sounded friendly. He sounded like any number of Junhui’s friends. Junhui remembered that they were close in age, closer than Jihoon usually made it seem. Maybe Jihoon was someone Junhui could actually talk to. An impartial party. More impartial than Soonyoung, for sure. Every time Junhui tried to talk to his best friend about the Minghao Situation, Soonyoung just told him to grow a pair and work it out with Minghao himself. It was rich, coming from someone too afraid to talk to his own crush, the T.A. currently sitting across from Junhui at this very moment.

Junhui frowned a little, peeling the wrapper off his straw and stabbing it into the lid, although he still wasn’t thirsty. It was something to do.

“What guy,” he said, unwilling to make it into a question, if only so he wouldn’t be required to provide an answer.

Jihoon quirked an eyebrow, but didn’t reply. Junhui frowned harder.

They got sort of locked into a spontaneous, nonverbal stalemate after that, Junhui because he didn’t want to talk about Minghao, and Jihoon probably because he wasn’t much of a talker to begin with. For a few minutes, the only sounds at their table were quiet slurps of boba. It was awkward.

Finally, Junhui gave up.

“It’s Xu Minghao. Xu Minghao is ruining my life.”

Jihoon didn’t say anything, which Junhui interpreted as an open invitation to continue babbling.

“He’s ruining my life, and now he’s ruining my grades because I physically cannot stop thinking about him all the time. I pissed him off somehow, right, I don’t even know how, and now he won’t even talk to me or look at me in our one class together. He still sits right next to me, but it’s like there’s this giant wall between us.” Junhui paused to take a breath and a gulp of boba. It was good. Maybe he was thirstier than he thought.

“And I know it’s stupid, I really do. But knowing is one thing and life is another thing. Y’know?” Junhui asked, raising his head to meet Jihoon’s eyes.

Jihoon chuckled a little. “I know, Junhui.”

Junhui sighed. “It’s just. I like him so much. Sooooooooo much. And I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know what I’m allowed to do. And clearly…it’s starting to affect other things.”

“Clearly,” Jihoon echoed.

Junhui rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

Jihoon’s raised eyebrow went even higher this time. “I partially control your Pastry Decoration grade, may I remind you.”

Junhui frowned harder. “Amended to ‘be quiet’. Sorry.”

Jihoon smiled a little wryly. “I’m just messing with you. Listen, Jun…”

Junhui listened. Jihoon seemed much wiser than he was.

“I don’t have a lot more experience or knowledge than you do about this stuff. Love, or whatever,” Jihoon mused. “But I do know this. It’s easier than it seems. All of it. Our brains have a tendency to make everything seem like the worst, but it’s not. I don’t know much about Minghao, to be honest. Not more than what I’ve heard from a few professors. But the general consensus seems to be that he’s fundamentally an alright guy. A little rough around the edges, sure, but probably soft in the middle. Not unlike a cream puff,” Jihoon finished, smirking.

Junhui honestly wasn’t sure if that was an adorable metaphor, or a remarkably suggestive one. He decided on the first option, if only for his own sanity.

“If he’s being distant, he’s probably dealing with things in his own life that are taking up most of his brain power. Maybe you’re one of them, maybe you’re not. You’ll have to work that out for yourselves. The problem is, you’re making him take up most of your brain power, and it’s tanking your grades, and, Jun...no guy is worth throwing your education away for. I promise you that much.” Jihoon said sagely, and Junhui sighed.

“It’s not like I’ve even settled on a proper education at this point,” he muttered despairingly.

Jihoon shrugged. “You’ve got time.”

Junhui snorted. “Mr. Choi doesn’t seem to think so.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I’ll talk to Mr. Choi. He’s not nearly as scary as he seems,” he said with a laugh.

Junhui took another few sips of his drink, considering that. “Neither are you,” he said finally, and Jihoon smiled.

“I know. It’s my deepest, darkest secret, and I’d like to request that you never tell anyone, please.”

Junhui laughed too, for the first time that day. It felt good. It felt, like, cleansing. At the very least, he could breathe again, without it descending into a sob. He finished off his boba, reveling in the sweet taste for a moment, and thinking. Thinking of how Jihoon usually came off to everyone, versus how he was right now. Thinking about Soonyoung and his poor, neglected crush. Remembering his end of the bargain they’d made, when Junhui was on his quest to adopt a dog.

Soonyoung had made him a sheet of topics he was allowed to discuss with Jihoon, when he got around to it. He’d even laminated it, and made it small enough that Junhui could carry it around in his pocket. He’d reminded Junhui not to go off book at least ten times since their first conversation about it.

Junhui went off book.

“You know, my roommate has a massive crush on you,” he said, scooping tapioca out of the bottom of his open cup with a spoon and into his mouth.

Jihoon snorted. “Who’s your roommate?” he asked, and Junhui could tell he was trying hard to sound casual.

“Kwon Soonyoung,” Junhui replied, nonchalantly stabbing the tapioca with his straw now. He didn’t look up for a moment, giving Jihoon time to absorb this information. Junhui hoped to hell he even knew who Soonyoung was.

He knew.

When Junhui glanced up again, Lee Jihoon, the Meanest T.A. in the whole university, was blushing.

Junhui didn’t say anything. He let it sit for a while.

“Oh,” Jihoon managed after a long moment. “Oh. That’s. Um...that’s...cool.”

Internally, Junhui rejoiced gleefully. “Do you know him?” he asked casually, even though it was glaringly obvious that Jihoon did.

“Uh. Maybe? I might. I think maybe I’ve seen him before. Or...maybe he’s in one of the classes I’m assisting with this semester. I dunno. I might.” Jihoon stammered the words out. Junhui felt like cackling. Soonyoung was going to die.

“He seems nice,” Jihoon murmured, almost dreamily. Even Junhui could not have expected this good of an outcome. But, if he was going to be honest with Jihoon, he needed to stop him right there.

“He’s alright when he wants to be,” Junhui said. “Not unlike you.”

Jihoon blushed more. “Shut up.”

Junhui snickered. “I think you mean ‘be quiet’.”

*

Junhui tried not to think too much more about Minghao, after he left the boba shop. He did pretty well, comparatively. Compared to the last few weeks, anyway. He spent long enough considering the situation to come up with a plan for the next step. Junhui needed to go back to the shelter, to catch Minghao outside of class, where he (probably) couldn’t run away or avoid talking to him completely. That made it sound like something of an ambush, Junhui was aware, but he was going to be gentler than that. Nicer. He didn’t want to scare Minghao. He just wanted to know what he’d done wrong, and how to fix it. So, even though things were going spectacularly with Lilli so far, and Junhui was proving to be a great dog dad (even surprising Soonyoung, who was still convinced that he’d end up being responsible for the dog after a while), he invented a reason or twelve to visit the shelter that weekend, a short list of things he needed “help” with.

Speaking of Soonyoung, Junhui had decided not to tell him about his run-in with Jihoon. Not yet. Knowing his best friend, the information would only serve to throw Soonyoung right off his game, to the point where he would make an ass of himself in front of his crush.

Should they happen to meet.

Junhui felt it was very likely, at that point.

Anyway, he waited until Sunday morning before he worked up the nerve to go to the shelter. Junhui was strangely proud of his own restraint. First thing on Sunday morning, he got up and got Lilli ready to go, shepherding her into her carrier and letting them out into the hallway of the apartment building. He had just finished locking the door of his apartment, when Junhui’s ears (and poor Lilli’s, by extension) were subjected to one of the highest pitched shrieks Junhui’d ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

When Junhui managed to stop cringing and holding Lilli’s carrier to his chest protectively long enough to seek out the source of such a noise, there stood Boo Seungkwan, Junhui and Soonyoung’s neighbor two apartments down, staring at Lilli in abject horror.

“What...exactly...is that?” Seungkwan managed to choke out through his extremely palpable fear and dismay. Junhui definitely felt like he was maybe overreacting, just a bit.

Junhui glanced down at Lilli in her small carrier, peeking out of the front timidly.

“Uh. It’s a dog, Seungkwan.”

That much should have been obvious.

Seungkwan removed his hand from his chest, where it had flown when he’d gotten a scare from the least menacing dog in existence. “Yes, but...why ??” he questioned next.

Junhui tried not to make his eyeroll too pointed. “Because I wanted one.”

Seungkwan made a noise of distaste. “Well, there’s no accounting for taste, I guess.”

Junhui didn’t answer.

“You know what’s a great pet?” Seungkwan asked. Junhui still didn’t answer, because he knew he didn’t have to. Seungkwan was going to continue either way.

“A chinchilla. They’re so clean and cute and fun and quiet. You should really look into a chinchilla, Jun.”

Junhui blinked. “‘Kay.”

Seungkwan didn’t go on, so Junhui made an attempt at small talk. “Anyway, how’s things?”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes dramatically. “Oh, y’know. The life of a pre-med. Don’t sleep. Don’t eat. Always interning! Or in class, I guess. I haven’t quite decided which branch I’m going down, yet. I sat in on a few surgeries last week. I didn’t really know there’d be so much blood, Jun.”

Junhui fought the urge to guffaw. “Yeah, I...I’d imagine there would be.”

Seungkwan’s eyes glazed over a little, his gaze far away. “Just...so much blood…”

Junhui lifted himself off the wall. “Okay, well...I gotta go, Seungkwan. Good luck with all that blood, yeah?”

Seungkwan seemed to shake himself out of his waking nightmare. “Yeah. Thanks, Jun. See you later. Good luck with your beastie, there.”

As Junhui walked away, he whispered to Lilli, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’re the most beautiful puppy in the entire puppy world, and no amount of Boo Seungkwan Dramatics will ever change that.”

[trangs-studyblr]

~(이)나, ~거나: Or

~(이)나: (Noun) or (Noun)

~(이)나 can be attached to words to create a few different meanings depending on the usage. A common usage of ~(이)나 is to indicate that it hasn’t been decided which noun/object will be acted on.

저는 빵이나 밥을 먹고 싶어요 = I want to eat bread or rice The speaker hasn’t decided if they want to eat bread or rice.

The typical English translation for ~(이)나 is “or.”

저는 술이나 콜라를 마시고 싶어요 = I want to drink alcohol or a soft drink (cola) 딸이나 아들을 낳고 싶어요? = Do you want to have (give birth to) a daughter or a son? 저 남자나 저 여자를 뽑을 거예요 = I’m going to choose/hire that man or that woman 양식이나 그런 것을 작성 안 해도 돼요? = I don’t need to fill out a form or something like that? 대학교에서 철학이나 화학을 공부하고 싶어요? = In University, do you want to study philosophy or chemistry? 오늘 학생들이랑 체육관에서 재미있는 활동이나 게임을 할 거예요 = Today I’m going to do a fun activity or game in the gymnasium with the students

In those examples, ~(이)나 is attached to the object of the sentence. It is also possible to attach ~(이)나 to the subject in order to indicate that it hasn’t been decided which subject will perform the action.

우리 엄마나 우리 아빠가 저를 차로 거기까지 데려다 줄 거예요 = Either mom or dad will take me there by car 저 선수나 이 선수가 오늘 새로운 기록을 세울 거 같아요 = Either that athlete or this athlete will probably set a new record today

In all the examples so far, ~(이)나 is used when a decision is made between two nouns. It is also possible to attach ~(이)나 to one word in a sentence and not have it followed by another word that needs to be decided on.

In these cases, the speaker would rather do something else, but is choosing the thing specified as a last resort. Here, ~(이)나 is expressing that the option specified is the best choice among all remaining options.

밥이나 먹을래? = Well… I guess we could eat rice? This could be said in a variety of situations. For example, you want pizza, but it is too late to get a delivery. As a last resort, you could say “well, shall we just eat rice?” It’s not the best option, but it’s the best among the remaining options.

It’s hard to come up with a simple English translation to illustrate this meaning. In the examples below, “(Well…)” is used, but try to focus more on the Korean:

저는 공부나 할 거예요= (Well…) I’m going to study 산책이나 할래요? = (Well…) Shall we go for a walk? 영화나 보자 = (Well…) Let’s go see a movie 그냥 줄거리나 설명해 주세요 = (Well…) Just explain the plot to me 운동이나 할래? = (Well…) Shall we exercise? 돈이나 주세요 = (Well…) Give me money

~(이)나 is attached to the nouns 거 (thing), 데 (place), and 때 (time) to form the following common constructions:

아무 거나 = anything = there’s no specific thing, but “any” thing would be okay I guess 저는 아무 거나 먹고 싶어요 = I want to eat anything (There’s no specific thing I’d like to eat – I’d eat anything)

아무 데나 = anywhere (any place) = there’s no specific place, but “any” place would be okay I guess 저는 아무 데나 가고 싶어요 = I want to go anywhere (There’s no specific place I’d like to go – I’d go anywhere)

아무 때나 = anytime = there’s no specific time, but “any” time would be okay I guess 아무 때나 좋아요 = Anytime is good (There’s no specific time)

It is also possible to attach ~나 to adverbs, or on-top of other grammatical principles that change words into adverbs.

A simple definition of an adverb is a word that identifies where, when, how, or to what degree something happens. The word 집 is a noun, but when ~에서 is attached to it, the whole construction is referred to as an adverb in Korean (because it tells us that an action occurred in the house).

When only one option is indicated (and not two), ~(이)나 is commonly attached to other grammatical principles that change words into adverbs.

중간지점에나 데려다 주는 게 어때요? = Well, how about I take you to the halfway point

However, if two options are given, it is more natural to add ~(이)나 directly to the first option without the extra grammatical principle in between.

저는 캐나다(에서)나 미국에서 일하고 싶어요 = I want to work in Canada or America

~(이)나 can be attached to ~에서, which in turn is attached to 캐나다. Notice how ~에서 is also indicated in the second option (미국). It is not necessary to add ~에서 twice, and it can be omitted from the first option.

Including or not including ~에서 is grammatically correct either way, but it is more natural and preferred to omit the grammatical principle between the noun and ~(이)나 if it is going to be attached to the upcoming noun anyways.

저는 버스(로)나 택시로 갈 거예요 = I will go by bus or by taxi

The speaker is indicating that he will go “by bus” or “by taxi.” ~(이)나 can be attached to both 버스로 and 택시로, but t is not necessary to add ~(으)로 twice and is more natural to be omitted.

농구를 체육관이나 밖에서 하고 싶어? = Do you want to play basketball in the gymnasium or outside? 선생님, 시험을 어렵게나 길게 만들지 말아 주세요! = Teacher, please don’t make the exam difficult or long 주위를 살피고 이쪽으료나 저쪽으료 가세요 = Look around (at your surroundings) and then go this way or that way

~거나: (Verb) or (Verb)

~(이)나 is attached to nouns or adverbs to indicate that something hasn’t been decided between two nouns or adverbs. By attaching ~거나 to a verb, the speaker can indicate that it hasn’t been decided which action will be completed.

여자 친구를 위해 편지를 쓰거나 선물을 사 줄 거예요 = I will write a letter, or buy a present for my girlfriend

When using ~(이)나, the focus is on which of the two nouns (or adverbs) will be acted on. When using ~거나, the focus is on which action will take place.

저는 빵이나 밥을 먹고 싶어요 = I want to eat bread or rice

It has probably already been decided that you will eat. The focus is now on what you will eat, and the decision is between “bread” or “rice.” However, when ~거나 is used, it hasn’t been decided which action will be done.

여자 친구를 위해 편지를 쓰거나 선물을 사 줄 거예요 = I will write a letter, or buy a present for my girlfriend You are not deciding between two objects, but rather two different actions.

The tense (present, past, or future) is expressed through the last verb, so the last verb has to be conjugated accordingly to show the tense of the entire sentence.

신발끈을 묶거나 신발을 벗으세요 = Tie your shoes or take them off 오래된 차를 고치거나 새로운 차를 사야 돼요 = I need to fix my old car or buy a new one 제가 하는 말에 뭔가를 덧붙이거나 수정하고 싶으면 지금 말씀하세요 = If you want to add something to what I said, or modify it, please tell me now

~거나 can also be used with adjectives.

이 문제가 너무 어렵거나 도움이 필요하면 교무실로 오세요 = If this question/problem is too difficult or you need help, come to the office 고객님이 호텔에 계실 때 불편하거나 필요한 것이 있으면 이 번호로 연락하면 됩니다 = When you (the customer) are at the hotel, if you are uncomfortable or need something, you can contact us using this number

Many signs on buses in Korea have a warning message that uses this ~거나 grammatical principle.

문이 완전히 열릴 때까지 버스에서 내리거나 문에 기대지 마세요 = Until the door is completely opened, don’t get off the bus or lean on the door

There are other ways of saying “or” with verbs, such as ~든지 and ~든가 but more on those in other posts.

Using ~거나 multiple times in a sentence

In the examples so far, ~거나 and ~(이)나 are generally used once in each sentence to separate two actions that could be completed.

~거나 is used once in a sentence to indicate that one action will occur, or the other.

여자 친구를 위해 편지를 쓰거나 선물을 사 줄 거예요 = I will write a letter, or buy a present for my girlfriend Here, either you will write a letter, or you will buy a present

It is also possible to include ~거나 or ~(이)나 twice in the same sentence – attached to both possible actions (or options).

~거나 is used twice in a sentence (attached to both verbs) when the speaker wants to discuss the choice in and within itself. It is still possible that one action might occur or the other, but the speaker is focused more on describing the choice itself, and how they might react/feel/act as a result of this choice.

비가 오거나 안 오거나 중요하지 않아요 = It’s not important if it rains or not (doesn’t rain)

The bolded part of the sentence in parentheses is the part of the sentence that the speaker wants to discuss*. By putting ~거나 on both verbs, the speaker isn’t saying that one action will occur and another won’t, but rather wants to discuss what will happen as a result of either action occurring.

*I use the word “discuss” to broadly mean that the speaker could really say anything about the choices outlined. The speaker might say that the two options “are not important,” that he “doesn’t care about either of them,” that he “is worried” about them, and so on…

나한테 선물을 주거나 아무 것도 안 해 주거나 나는 행복해 보여야 돼 = If they give me a present or don’t do anything, I need to look happy 학생들이 수업 시간에 자거나 열심히 공부하거나 선생님들이 수업을 해야 돼요 = If students sleep or study during class time, teachers (still) need to do classes 나머지를 먹거나 버리거나 결정해야 돼요 = You need to decide if you’re going to eat the rest or throw it out 선물을 사거나 파티에 비손으로 들어가거나 어떻게 할지 고민 중이에요 = I’m not sure what/how to do it – I might go to the party with a present, or go empty handed 생선이나 고기나 모두 좋아할 거예요 = It doesn’t matter if it is fish or meat, everybody will like it 이 영화나 저 영화나 둘 다 괜찮아요 = Either this movie or that movie, both are fine 기말고사를 부지런히 공부하거나 안 하거나 시험을 잘 못 볼 거예요 = If I study diligently for the final exam or not, I’ll still do poorly on the exam 반말을 쓰거나 존댓말을 쓰거나 모든 한국 사람들이 이해할 수 있을 거예요 = Regardless of if you use informal speech or honorific speech, all Korean people will be able to understand you

In most of these types of sentences, it would be very natural to use the phrases “I don’t care if…” or “it doesn’t matter if…”.

~거나 말거나

Using ~거나 twice in a sentence like this is commonly done with the verb 말다. When the speaker wants to discuss the choices of doing an action and not doing an action, the positive action is commonly used, followed by 말다 to indicate the negative action.

~거나 말거나 is more likely to be used when the outcome of doing the action or not doing the action is irrelevant/doesn’t matter. It’s typically not used to say that one is thinking about doing one action, or not doing it. This would more likely be used with ~ㄹ/을까 말까.

대학교에 가거나 말거나 공부해야 돼요 = You need to study if you go to University or not 네가 나를 사랑하거나 말거나 나는 떠날 거야 = Regardless of if you love me or not, I’m leaving 기말고사를 부지런히 공부하거나 말거나 시험을 잘 못 볼 거예요 = If I study diligently for the final exam or not, I’ll still do poorly on the exam

Sometimes people add ~거나 to all of the phrases (Ex: 집에 가거나, 친구를 만나거나) and use 하다 ("to do") to finish the sentence.

집에 가거나 친구를 만나거나 할 거예요 = I will (either) go home or meet a friend

Neither, Nor

The general usage of ~(이)나 and ~거나 indicates that it hasn’t been decided which noun will be acted on, or which action will be performed.

저는 빵이나 밥을 먹고 싶어요 = I want to eat bread or rice The speaker hasn’t decided if they wants to eat bread or rice.

무기나 칼이 없어요 = I don’t have a weapon or a knife It’s not a decision between two objects, but rather that you don’t have either object.

여자 친구를 위해 편지를 쓰거나 선물을 사 줄 거예요 = I will write a letter, or buy a present for my girlfriend The speaker hasn’t decided if they want to write a letter or buy a present.

저는 눕거나 앉을 수 없어요 = I can’t lay down or sit down It’s not a decision between two actions, but rather that both actions can’t happen.

When ~(이)나 and ~거나 are used with negative ending sentences, the speaker is not deciding between two things/actions, but rather stating that neither of them are chosen/performed.

희미한 빛이나 소리도 없었어요 = There wasn’t even a glimmer of light or sound 기말고사를 볼 때 말을 하거나 밥을 먹어서는 안 돼요 = You shouldn’t talk or eat while writing the final exam 등교를 늦게 하거나 하교를 일찍 하면 안 돼요 = You shouldn’t come to school late or leave school early 그 남자를 보거나 생각하지 않을 거예요 = I’m not going to look at that man or think about him

아니면

~(이)나 is used with nouns and ~(거)나 is used with verbs. To say “or” between two sentences, you simply use 아니면. 아니면 can be broken down into “아니다 (= to be not) + -(으)면 (= if)”. literally means “if not” or “if that’s not the case”.

집에 갈 거예요? 아니면 친구를 만날 거예요? = Are you going to go home? Or are you going to meet a friend? 이거 살 거예요? 아니면 다른 거 살 거예요? = Are you going to buy this? Or are you going to buy something else?

You could say these sentences without 아니면, but it sounds more natural including it between the two sentences.

Instead of ~(이)나, you can also use 아니면 between nouns.

공원 아니면 영화관 = a park or a movie theater 학생 아니면 선생님 = a student or a teacher 여기 아니면 저기 = here or there

Instead of ~거나 at the end of a sentence, you can add 아니면 as well between the two actions.

집에 가거나 아니면 친구를 만날 거예요 = I will (either) go home or meet a friend

References:

HTSK Unit 3 Lesson 58: Or: ~(이)나, ~거나

TTMIK Level 6 Lesson 18. Either A or B, Or / -거나, -(이)나, 아니면