#Jerome squalor

[beatricebidelaire]

anyway i’m still thinking about this

lucy punch:

tony hale:

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

asoue + tumblr

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

3am

Me: *Insomnia*

Intrusive thoughts: So, Netflix Charles was definitely a switch forced to live as bottom that transitioned into a switch forced to live as a top because, in spite of previously being in a heterosexual marriage, Jerome has never topped anything but an ice cream Sunday.

Me: *sighs* I have to post that because of the phrase "never topped anything but an ice cream Sunday" now, don't I?

[snicketverse-fic-finder]

ASOUE characters: How popular are they on Ao3?✨📚😎😮🫢

No.of fics with each character in them

Baudelaires:

Beatrice: 417

Bertrand: 257

🔧Violet: 977 🏆

📚Klaus: 822

🍳 Sunny: 662

👶 Beatrice II: 192

Quagmires:

Mrs Quagmire: 34

Mr Quagmire: 28

🖋️Isadora: 369 🏆

🗞️ Duncan: 367

🗺️ Quigley: 332 (Surprising tbh, I thought he’d win out of the triplets at least)

Widdershins:

⚓️Captain Widdershins: 40

🍄 Fiona: 114

🪝 Fernald: 166 🏆

Olaf+his troupe:

🎭 Count Olaf: 722 🏆

🍸 Esmé Squalor: 379

Woman with hair but no beard: 30

Man with beard but no hair: 25

👓 Georgina Orwell: 143

Henchperson of indeterminate gender: 84

Bald man: 57

White-faced women: 56 (just mildly less popular than the bald man yet there’s TWO of them- that’s gotta blow 😔-)

🎪[The Freaks] 🎪

Kevin: 14 🏅

Hugo: 13

Collette: 12

Denouements:

Frank: 76

Ernest: 92

🦄: 102 🏆

Snickets: (Take this with a grain of salt bc they have a whole other series -ATWQ- going for them)

Jaques: 347

Kit: 410

Lemony: 536 🏆

Guardians+the likes:

🏦 Mr Poe: 104

🗞️ Eleanora Poe: 14

📰 Polly Poe: 1

🐑 Edgar Poe: 10

💰 Albert Poe: 6 (Why is Edgar more popular??)

🐍Uncle Monty: 114

🐍 Ink/The Incredibly Deadly Viper: 8

🪟 Aunt Josephine: 72

Ike Anwhistle: 26

[🚬 Sir: 30

Charles: 54

👓 Georgina Orwell: 143 🏅

😃 Phil: 10 ]

[🎻Vice Principal Nero: 37 (That’s less than the bald man who has maybe 3 lines total, take that!)

Mrs Bass: 4 (Damn.)

Ms. Tench: 2 (Double damn)

Mr Remora: 3

📚 Olivia Caliban: 237 🏅]

🍸 Jerome Squalor: 104

(✨Esmé Squalor: 379 but I put her in the Olaf’s troupe section. This is just for quick comparison to Jerome. Poor guy. Ish. I don’t actually feel that bad for him tbh.)

🦅 The Council of Elders: 4

🎈 Hector: 48

Hal: 8

Babs: 9

Phil: 10

[🍎 Ishmael: 17

🐟 Miranda Caliban: 8

🕶️ Friday Caliban: 26 🏅

🚢 Thursday: 5 ]

Miscellaneous VFD members:

😎 Jacquelyn Scieszka: 172 🏆

🎥 Gustav Sebald: 78

🐟 Larry Your-Waiter: 85

👑 Duchess R of Winnipeg: 61 or 64 (3 are under ‘Duchess R’

Uncategorised:

Ben: 4

🚲 The Paperboy: 3

💃 Carmelita Spats: 149

Top 3:

1~ Violet Baudelaire! 🔧💜 (977 fics on Ao3 are tagged ‘Violet Baudelaire’! 🎉)

2~Klaus Baudelaire!!📚💙(822 fics!)

3~ Count Olaf! 👁️ 😈 (722 fics!)

Loser:

Polly Poe (with a disappointing 1 fic!😱)

[drowninginredink]

Jerome Squalor/Jacques Snicket // Untitled poem by jjbang8

[the-nonsense-is-mine]

I'm wondering if maybe the reason I like Jacques so much is because. I too think about Jerome Squalor more than I care to admit.

[petewentzsvaginabones]

happy pride month to them and no one else.

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE Characters (The Adults)

And the Beatles Songs I Can't Help But Associate Them With

Lemony Snicket, In My Life (~All these places had their moments/With lovers and friends, I still can recall/Some are dead and some are living/In my life, I've loved them all~)

Beatrice Baudelaire, Golden Slumbers (~Golden slumbers fill your eyes/Smiles await you when you rise/Sleep pretty darling do not cry/And I will a lullaby~)

Bertrand Baudelaire, All My Loving (~All my loving, I will send to you/All my loving/Darling, I'll be true/All my loving/All my loving, Ooh/All my loving, I will send to you~)

Count Olaf, Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) (~I once had a girl/Or should I say she once had me/She showed me her room/Isn't it good Norwegian Wood?~) + (~And when I awoke I was alone/This bird had flown/So I lit a fire/Isn't it good Norwegian wood?~)

Esme Squalor, Girl, being the Girl in question, not the 'singer'* (~She's the kind of girl who puts you down/When friends are there/You feel a fool/When you say she's looking good/She acts as if it's understood~)

*The 'singer' of 'Girl' is Jerome Squalor, who has strong feelings of his former marriage with Esme, more bad than good

Jacques Snicket, While My Guitar Gentle Weeps (~I look at the world and I notice it's turning/While my guitar gently weeps/With every mistake we must surely be learning/Still my guitar gently weeps~)

Kit Snicket, Help* [~When I was younger so much younger than today/I never needed anybody's help in any way/(Now) But now these are gone (These days are gone)/I'm not so self assured/(And now I find) Now I've changed my mind/And opened up the doors~]

*Despite the upbeat tone, the lyrics really do fit Kit

Dewey Denouement, A Day in the Life (~I read the news today, oh boy/About a lucky man who made the grade/And though the news was rather sad/Well, I just had to laugh/I saw the photograph~) + (~A crowd of people stood and stared/They'd seen his face before/Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords~)

Ernest Denouement, Carry That Weight (~Boy, you're gonna carry that weight/Carry that weight a long time/Boy, you're gonna carry that weight/Carry that weight a long time~)

Frank Denouement, You Never Gave Me Your Money (~You never give your money/You only give me your funny paper/And in the middle of negotiations/You break down~)

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

asoue + tumblr

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Queerplatonic

What if... that was Jerome and Esmé's relationship?

Everyone had been asking Jerome all his life when he would get married.

At times he just wanted to find the first best person and just call it a day.

One day, he was sitting at the corner of a party, when he heard a voice.

"All my life people have been asking me to get married to someone! Ugh! I just want to get it over with and marry the first best person I see!"

Jerome gasped. "I feel the same way!"

The voice turned around. It was a woman, who now was scanning him up and down. "And you are...?"

"Jerome! Jerome Squalor."

"I'm Esmé. Pleasure to meet you."

Jerome and Esmé talked for hours. They seemed to have a lot in common.

A lot in common, meaning they both were tired of people pushing them into a relationship.

"Tell me," Esmé said, "If you got married, what would you do?"

Jerome shrugged. "I don't think we need to... you know, be all lovey dovey. I think we could just have our own spaces and when we spend time, we do things that friends also do. Like having a shrimp eating contest and dance schottische."

Esmé smiled. "I... like that a lot. Like friends, but... more official."

"Exactly!"

"Tell me, Jerome... we haven't known each other for long. But I have a suggestion that might solve all our problems..."

[a-series-of-fluff-events]

Side-blog for Lemony Snicket's ASOUE (will add the other books when I read them, which is hopefully soon), centring on giving our characters a well-deserved happy ending.

Maybe angst, maybe not, but I'm going to make the Baudelaire children happy, along with a few AUs, memes and Headcanons!

Btw, Free Palestine.

[afterthegreatunknown]

a headcaon post for the most minor of all characters, violet's friend ben, who i'm giving the surname of gaiters:

out of all of the baudelaires friends, ben would have contacted them directly after the baudelaire fire, had the gaiters family not been on vacation. ben as such got a shock when he went to visit the baudelaire mansion like any other day, only to see the remains.

when learning they were in the city in the care of count olaf, ben tried contacting them. but letters sent were return, calls went unanswered, and visits were stop by the acting troupe. by the time the baudelaires were sent to live with dr. montgomery montgomery, ben assumed they didn't want anything to do with their old lives anymore.

ben tried contacting the baudelaires once more when he learn they were going to prufrock prep. knowing his first cousin carmelita spats attended there, ben knew the baudelaires need help trying to survive the cruel girl's antics. the letters were once again, returned. but ben suspected sunny at least seen his letters, for they were 'damaged' via four small holes.

his attempts to contact them again when he learned they were back in the city, living with the squalors, also failed. this time he made phone calls, and they always went unanswered. the one time he got through, the woman esme, told them that they were out; ben thought they were 'out' as in the fad, and stopped all together.

when ben read the news that the baudelaires killed count olaf at the village of fowl devotee, he decided to go find them. ben didn't believe the newspaper, not at all. but everything about the baudelaires' lives since the fire has been a mystery. and it's one he needs to solve. and so ben ran away to began his search.

ben found the ashes of dr. montgomery montgomery's home. he saw the cliff that once had josephine anwhistle's home and her shredded life jacket. ben talked to charles on a payphone about the baudelaire's time at the lumber mill. ben personally talked to jerome squalor at 667 dark avenue, with jerome allowing the boy to stay a few day to rest before going on his way again.

not long after this, ben's parents found him. to make sure he doesn't run away again, ben parent's force him to join the snow scouts. ben used as a way to get information from carmelita about the baudelaires time at prufrock prep. and carmelita talked nonstop about the 'cakesniffers' and their friendship with duncan and isadora quagmire (carmelita was furious with violet and her 'crush' on duncan).

ben felt stupid when he got trap in the net, seeing that violet and klaus and the not dead quagmire quigley, were there with the snow scouts. ben felt stupid for not recognizing violet. he wanted to call out to violet, but he was scare of the possibility she didn't recognized him. that same fear was in ben when he and others rowed the carmelita, for he saw the baudelaires and the girl with triangle glasses, and the hook-handed man trying to get back to the other submarine.

when free, having heard about the hotel denouement, ben went directly there. he saw the city firefighter's surrounding the now gone hotel. he saw the ambulances tending to the injured, one being jerome squalor. ben talked to mr. squalor again, learning about the rigged trial, and how the baudelaires and count olaf set the hotel on fire.

ben accompanied jerome to the hospital, as well as visit him every day until the man's release. two parted ways again when jerome brought ben back to his parents, who weren't at home at the time of the fire that destroyed the gaiter's home, having been at the police asking them to find their son (again).

ben after this stopped his search for the baudelaires, living life as he did before. but he didn't throw away his research. and every day, he visits briny beach, hoping to see them there. and one day, a little after the date of the hotel denouement fire, saw them on briny beach, looking worst for wear with a little baby.

ben ran towards them. ben's first instinct was to give violet a hug. but he stopped himself in time, staring at them. ben opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. he wasn't sure if they recognized him. he wasn't sure if things were going to fine. ben fears that they think he had abandoned them, and he couldn't blame them for it.

it's only went violet ran up to him, and gave him a hug as if to make up for all the lost time, did ben felt things will at least, work out.