#Just note though most likely I will turn the interaction platonic regardless

[mossy-paws]

PHIGHTING! Requests

haiiii hello so guess who's desperate to draw but has no clue WHAT to draw lmao, my askbox for draw requests are open again so feel free to ask away!

Just remember to keep it small, nothing big please! These are just small, lower effort doodles I can get done quickly!

[diamondwaters]

❝ love is a choice ❞ chapter xii

summary: what was meant to be a simple, calm trip to an intergalactic museum ended up becoming a a trip through memories the doctor rather wanted to forget. only they weren't her memories. they were yours.

pairing: thirteenth doctor x reader (primary), eleventh doctor x reader

word count: 5.0k

warnings: bad past relationships

author's note: welcome to the chapter that i have been WAITING FOR!! i've had this chapter in mind for months and now there time is finally here!! that being said, i am very, very sorry for what you are about to read

The dance club melted away. The interior of the Williams-Pond living room came into view. The four of you were sitting on the couch in front of the television, a bad reality show playing at full volume. You rested a bowl of custard on your lap, all of you dipping cod fish fingers into it to recreate the first dish she consumed (and enjoyed because there were many she ate and despised) when she regenerated into her eleventh face.

“Yeah,” the Doctor nodded. “It’s okay.”

“What are you all doing?” Ryan questioned in reference to the food the four of you were sharing.

“We,” The Doctor prepped for the inevitable confusion/disgust. “Are eating fish fingers and custard.”

“You’re eating what and what?” Yaz gasped while Graham quietly gagged.

“Fish fingers and custard, I’ll have you know, is an absolute delicacy!”

The Doctor turned her back to them with a mask of indignation. Really, she just wanted to have a moment to herself before the storm that was about to happen in front of them. Every moment after that dance was one more moment towards the last day the Doctor had with you. Your time together was almost like a hill. The journey up was long, arduous, but from the top, you feel invincible—all it takes is a single misstep for you to tumble down the other side.

“If I had a restaurant,” The Doctor mumbled with a mouthful of fish fingers. “This would be all I’d serve.” 

“Yeah right,” Amy scoffed. “You running a restaurant.”

“I’ve run restaurants before. Who do you think invented the Yorkshire pudding?” 

Rory chuckled at first, but then his face loosened with realization. “You didn’t.” 

The Doctor held a fish finger covered in a massive dollop of custard. “Pudding yet savory. Sound familiar?” 

The four of you were meant to observe the black cubes that were scattered around almost an entire year ago. In all that time, they’d done nothing but end up as paperweights or something to throw into the trash when you don’t have the space anymore. After day 113, you had about given up on trying to figure them out in favor of maintaining your sanity. 

“Mr. Pond,” Amy took the bowl from the Doctor’s hand when it was practically empty. “Come help me put these away?” 

You saw her plan before it was even fully in motion. Amy wasn’t as slick as she liked to think, but she was definitely as persistent as she made herself out to be. 

You hadn’t told the Doctor how you felt yet. In that time, though, you’d gotten better at being around him without your tongue becoming lead in your mouth. Every so often, you’d fumble through a conversation by the skin of your teeth, but those interactions were becoming far and few between. You’d even gotten back into your routine of going at each other’s throats, only to you, it felt less feral and more playful. You were happy with what you had with him, platonic or otherwise.

Regardless of your contentment with your relationship with the Doctor, you knew that Amy was not. She took any and every chance she got to let you know that you needed to get it together and tell him. If there was even the possibility of a moment where she could get the two of you alone, she manipulated the scene so that she had the two of you right where she wanted you. At that time, she was forcing Rory and herself out of the room so they could “clean the dishes together” as if it wasn’t an easy, one-person task. Most times, though, those manipulations ended in failure. Either you chickened out or the Doctor couldn't stand by you long enough for you to get a word out.

“Well,” The Doctor said with an abrupt jump off the couch. “I should get going. I told Kate that I would discuss the cubes again with her soon.” 

“Do you have to go just yet? I mean, the cubes haven’t done anything, right?” You pretended to be blasé about it, but you really wanted him to stay a few extra moments. “And they still have a couple contestants left if you wanna, you know, finish watching before you have to go.”

The Doctor looked like he was contemplating his next move before returning to his place next to you. “Alright, I suppose I can stay until the end of the episode. You know, I’m really starting to see the appeal of these reality TV shows. They’re all so... real! With real people and real things that happen to those real people!” 

You sucked in a large breath through your teeth, “I hate to break it to you, Doctor, but most of those shows are scripted. The people are real but…”

The Doctor’s face practically fell, and a pang of slight guilt filled your system, “Really? Even the American one with the dancing children and the mean lady?” 

“I think the trauma from that show was real, just not the drama.”

“Oh, look at you,” The Doctor rejoiced with a clap. “Rhyming! I must be wearing off on you, aren’t I? Next thing you know, you’ll be making those puns you hate so much.” 

“Oh, shut it,” You giggled, pressing your shoulder to his in a show of affection. “I don’t hate puns, I just hate yours.” 

“So you say, but I think that you’re starting to like starshine!” The Doctor surmised. 

If you admitted that you really were starting to like that nickname, the Doctor would never let you hear the end of it. If he found out that it made your heart beat just a little bit faster, he would boast until something else gathered his attention, then continue once he remembered. Sometimes you weighed the cost of having to live with the bragging against without, just so you could hear the nickname just a bit more. Pride overruled your choice in the end.  

“Did you really invent the Yorkshire pudding? Or are you just messing again?” You asked out of genuine curiosity and a hint of attempted diversion. 

“No, I really did! I also made the popsicles but some child from California beat me to the patent,” The Doctor’s tone got surprisingly serious for a beat. “I still hold a grudge against Frank Epperson to this very day.” 

That same desire to learn more about the Doctor reappeared after its short-lived dormancy. Instead of the interest in the Doctor’s sad past, you wanted to know the small things. All the times the Doctor said something outlandish, you would brush it off as another one of his idiosyncrasies. Now, you would be happy with any little piece you could get. “What else have you done, huh? What? Were you D.B. Cooper too? Banksy?” 

“I actually was Banksy, yes, so you can be sure that these cubes weren’t me.”

Graham gasped, “You weren’t kidding about that?”

“Seriously?” You gaped. “We’ve known each other– what? Eight years now?” 

“And what a wonderful eight years it’s been!” The Doctor exclaimed, trying to keep the sadness at bay. 

Despite having spent so much time together in the past year, what with the cubes and all, you knew that the Doctor was starting to miss the three of you. He was beginning to understand that your adventures wouldn’t be as frequent as they had once been. Adulthood, real adulthood with bills and jobs and responsibilities, crept up on you. You weren’t able to drop everything at the sound of the TARDIS’s engines to galavant across alien planets. It sucked, but that was just the reality of your situation. 

That being said, you were a little bit okay with the cubes appearing on Earth. It meant that the Doctor wasn’t popping off in his box to fly away for however many months, only to return with the offer of meeting Stevie Nicks in the 70s. He was there, present, with all of you in all your adulthood glory. He was impatient as all hell during your time together, but he stayed. Even if it was just for a year, which in the grand scheme of his life was nothing more than a blip, it meant a lot to you. 

“And in those eight years you didn’t tell us any of this?” 

“Well, who knows?” The Doctor shrugged. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you all of it. Maybe even get into my time as a ghostwriter for Nancy Drew! And at one point the Rainbow Magic series but please do not give that information to anyone.”

“Don’t worry I won’t,” You laughed. Your hand inched towards the Doctor’s, and from the corner of your eye, you could see that the Doctor noticed. His hand remained where it had been and stayed there when you put yours on his. “And I would really like to hear all of it one day.”

The Doctor’s fingers stilled in yours but didn’t make a move to retract them. You watched as they shifted beneath yours. His thumb brushed against the back of your hand, leaving a trail of warmth in its wake.

You’d fallen into the trap that Amy and River had set for you. Both of them telling you that the Doctor had feelings for you made you believe it too. So did how you and the Doctor danced together that night at Club Tredecim. When he relaxed in your arms, when you felt the beat of his hearts against your chest, it felt right.

You considered that you were deluding yourself; love can do that to a person. But even if you were wrong, you would rather be that than live with the thought of what might have been, even if it would hurt like hell. You wanted to choose to love the Doctor, and you hoped that if he felt the same, he would choose to love you back.

“Listen, I-” But you didn’t want to talk anymore. Maybe the term 'now or never' was obsolete when you're a time traveler, but...

Your lips just barely ghosted the Doctor’s. They were soft, warm, and completely different from how you thought they’d feel. They also weren’t moving.

It was incredibly difficult to peel your lips from the Doctor’s. Not because you loved the kiss, even though you did- but because you already knew what you would see when you pulled away: the Doctor, his face contorted in an expression of shock, confusion, and the emotion that broke you as much as it might him, sorrow.

The Doctor’s mouth did that thing, the thing where it bobbed like a fish. You used to love that face. It meant that you were able to catch the Doctor with something that not even he could predict. And to see it right there in front of you meant that he didn’t see this coming. It meant that he didn’t feel what you felt. You made a mistake. This was wrong. You were wrong.

“I-” You could feel your heart trying to crawl up your throat. “S-Shit, I- I thought that- I wasn’t- Fuck, I’m so sorry-”

“Y/N, plea-” Why did it hurt more for him to use your real name?

“No, don’t! D-Don’t, um, I- I should go-!”

You were scrambling in every sense. You were struggling to rip the blanket the four of you shared from your body. It clung to you, the fabric sticking to your skin like a fucking parasite. When you finally managed, you couldn’t even jam your shoes on without almost tripping over the rug while doing it. And all the while, you were just saying words in no particular order. Whatever came to mind first, you said it. It didn’t matter if it made sense. Nothing needed to, because nothing did. 

“W-Wow, so, I’m just- Gotta- I should- I’m so sorry,” The tears had already reached your chin, but you didn’t even remember feeling them until one dropped onto your hand. You frantically wiped it off with the sleeve of your jacket that you were heaving on. “I knew I didn’t- Why would I deserve it-?” 

“Hey, wait, don’t say-” 

“I should’ve just left it alone- Shit! Where the fuck are my keys?” You cried out. 

“What’s going-” Amy came out from the kitchen following the sudden eruption of noise. 

“Sorry!” You babbled so that Amy didn’t have enough time to take in the situation. “It’s, um, work emergency!” 

“What-? But-” 

“Gotta go, I love you! Amy! I love you, Amy!” 

You didn’t wait for Amy’s reply but heard her shout at the Doctor through the door, “What did you do?” 

The isolation of your car only brought you mild security. You didn’t feel any kind of safety until you sped down the street, further and further away from Amy’s house and the fucking blue box parked out front. Even looking at her, the roof especially, was like looking at a treasured photograph, scratched and yellowed with age. 

You knew you shouldn’t have been driving in those conditions. People got into accidents over lesser things than the inability to see through tears. You slowed to a halt in an empty parking space by the pavement. You felt bad for whoever lived in the houses surrounding you because if they looked outside their window, they’d see someone with tears streaking their cheeks. Someone hunched over the wheel while trying just to get a proper breath into their lungs.

Colors began to blur together, like sidewalk chalk in the rain. You couldn’t see any shapes through the screen of your tears, and the lines of the book you were trying to read were nothing but black blobs. Eventually, you just gave up trying to hold them back and slammed the book shut. 

You squeezed your eyes tightly to push the building salt water out faster. If you forced them out, maybe you could be done and over with this crying fest. Even though people didn’t often come to the lake at this time, there was still the risk of someone deciding to have a sunset date. The last thing you wanted was for some people to walk up on you having a breakdown. It wasn’t even finals week yet, so you had no excuse, really. 

The lake was always the one place on campus where you felt safe. You always sat in the pink chair because it gave you the best west-facing view for when the sun went down. 

You could think there. Breathe. And you needed nothing more than to take several thousand deep breaths after the afternoon that you had. 

The day hadn’t started so horrible, but when you were meant to meet up with your partner, you’d been ambushed with a conversation that you really didn’t want to have in the student lounge. When you had asked to go somewhere perhaps a little quieter, he refused, saying that if you did, you would find some excuse to rush off. You’d say that you had a huge essay due in the morning that couldn’t wait or that your professor’s office hours were going to be over soon. Worst of all was that he might have been right. 

You’d hoped that going to your favorite spot might give your mind a little more clarity, but it was still cluttered with the exact words from him that repeated over and over. 

“Excuse- Ow!” 

One word from an unknown source, and you sprang into action. The book you’d closed was suddenly launched at your unsuspecting target. You didn’t even see his face before he crumpled to the ground after a direct hit to the forehead. You only caught a quick glimpse of gray hair before your adrenaline died, and reason was resurrected. 

You’d just fucking hit an old guy.

Regret flooded through you in an instant. “Oh, my- Shit! Fuck, I’m so sorry, sir!” 

You ran towards the man to help him up, but he was already rising to his feet. 

“It-It’s alright!” His voice was heavy with an accent. What was it? You were so discombobulated, but it was right on the top of your tongue. 

“I’m sorry, I-I just got scared!” Was it Irish? 

“It’s quite fine, I assure-” Or one from Yorkshire? 

“I didn’t hurt you too much, did I?” Geordie? 

“No, not at all,” Oh. Oh, how could you miss it? Your own best friend was Scottish, you should’ve been able to spot that from a mile away. “Really, I’m alright. Are you?” 

You blinked blankly, “What?” 

“Well, I was coming here to see the, um, the sunset. A colleague of mine who works here says it’s one of the most gorgeous sights they’ve ever seen,” The man explained with a few fatigued huffs. “Wanted to see it for myself, but… I heard you crying.” 

“Oh,” You said before breaking off into a groan. You slapped the palms of your hands to your face, the tears that weren’t even dry yet seeping into your skin. “Oh, that’s so nice of you. And I hit you with a book, oh my God!”

“Really, I’m fine,” The man brushed off some of the sand from his jacket, which you noticed was torn at the left shoulder. He saw you eyeing the rip, “Ah, this. I was– well, I was trying to grab some nuggets from the cafeteria. Apparently the volleyball players on the women’s team are pretty aggressive when it comes to those.” 

You hesitantly snickered, “They’re pretty vicious, aren’t they?” 

“Indeed,” The man agreed. He pulled out a black wallet with an ID inside. He presented it to you for a few seconds before stuffing it into his pocket. “Dr. John Smith. I lecture at St. Luke’s University in Bristol. I’m here for a conference but just, you know, wanted to see the lake.” 

“I bet you didn’t expect to be attacked twice,” You murmured guiltily. “I’m Y/N, I’m just a student here. I should let you-” 

“You never answered my question.” 

You noted a slight shaking in his legs while he uprighted himself. “Do you wanna sit down?” 

Dr. Smith mentally weighed his options but eventually followed you to the array of painted wooden beach chairs dug deep into the sand.

“So,” Dr. Smith started once he was seated in the yellow chair next to yours. “What’s got you so upset?” 

You bit your bottom lip while trying to think of how to say this. You were never the best at these kinds of things, but you hoped that talking to someone with no prior opinion of you– if you overlooked throwing a hardcover novel at his head– might make it a little easier. “I don't know. Nothing big, just… love? I guess? Or lack of, maybe?” 

“Ahh, love,” Dr. Smith sighed dolefully. “I know all about that.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Of course,” He shrugged passively. “I’ve lived a long life. I’ve fallen in love many times, but… Well, there’s always one that sticks with you, isn’t there? Sometimes, it’s your first love and others will be the one you lost. But there’s always one.” 

You weren’t sure if you had had that yet. Yeah, there were romances that you looked at fondly, but you couldn’t pinpoint the one that stuck out above the rest. If you had to, you might say this one. So far, it’s been the one that left you the most hollowed out once it was over. You hoped that would change someday. 

“I’ll tell you my tragic love story if you tell me yours.” 

You instantly wanted to put the words back into your mouth. This man was a complete stranger to you. You couldn’t just say shit like that and expect him to– 

Dr. Smith was laughing. And it didn’t seem like he was shocked by your retort, not at all. He was laughing like someone who would expect this kind of behavior from you, not some ignorant to your dry wit. “O-Okay! I’ll take you up on that. 

“There was someone. A long time ago. We both traveled together, you see. At first, we didn’t like each other. We were always fighting, driving our friends who traveled with us to the brink of madness. But then that was because we were so similar. Too similar. The two of us might as well have been mirrors of one another. And that… I think that made both of us terrified. More so myself than them- I'm not so sure about that now- but that was because I knew they could hurt me… One look at them smiling the brightest I’d ever seen them and I knew. So, I started running. Then they did too. We ran in opposite directions to the point that when I finally decided I could turn around… I couldn’t see them anymore. I’d lost them.” 

“That sounds like something I would do. Well, I guess it sounds like something I have done,” You swallowed the cry that was building in your throat. Dr. Smith was waiting patiently next to you, but you could sense his anticipation. “Running, I mean. That’s kinda how my last relationship ended. And some of my other ones too. We were close to getting real, I think. We were talking about after graduation and life and it just… I started throwing myself into my work. He said that I was doing it because I was afraid. That I was a coward, because I was trying to get away. Then, he said that…” 

This was the blow that took you down. “That I deserve to be alone.” 

You knew it wasn’t true, but it didn’t mean that those words didn’t try to tattoo themselves into your insides. The more you kept repeating it, the faster the ink dried. You were so desperately trying to stop yourself, but it wasn’t like the human brain was adept at listening to commands. 

“And I know he was just mad-!” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Dr. Smith interrupted. “No one deserves to be alone. No one deserves to be told that. Whoever told you that is a complete idiot. A total moron! Should be ashamed of himself!” 

“But he wasn’t wrong. At least, not about me being scared.” 

The truth was that this was a pattern, and one you didn’t even mean to continue. Most times, when you got like this, the relationship fizzled out on its own, like a campfire that didn’t get poked enough. This was the first one that ended up in an explosion with fiery debris. You’d felt horrible on all accounts, regardless of whether or not the end was incendiary, but you didn’t have to confront yourself with your inadequacies until someone pointed them out. You didn’t have to force yourself to come to the conclusion that you really were terrified.

“I had a friend once who said that love was a choice,” Dr. Smith began. His eyes remained fixed on the water, but you could see he was more present than he wanted to appear. “She had said it to my star… Well, suffice it to say that I spent a very long time trying to figure out what that meant. If I could have chosen not to love them, I would. It might have saved us both the pain. But then, I understood. You choose love despite the pain, because there always will be in the end. As dark as that sounds, it’s true. And I’ll always… I’ll always wonder how things might have been different if I made another decision.” 

That was really a beautiful way to look at it… But was it actually that easy? It didn’t feel like the entirety of love could be defined as something someone can choose. When you were with some of your exes, you didn’t feel like there was any decision to make. There was only one option in front of you, and it was one you were comfortable making time and time again. 

Maybe you just hadn’t found a love worth choosing yet. That was a nice thought. 

“Do you still love them?” You spotted the lack of a ring on his left hand. 

Dr. Smith smiled wistfully, “I do.” 

“Do you know if they’re still out there?” You wondered. 

“I haven’t seen them in years,” Dr. Smith shook his head woefully. “They’re gone from my life.” 

“Mmm,” You hummed. “Not gone then.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“They might still be out there. By some beautiful miracle, it might not be too late to reconcile. I know it’s probably just hopefulness but… Hope is a good thing, isn’t it?” 

Dr. Smith smiled, reaching his eyes, “That it is.” 

“Do you know what I think?” You asked gently.  

“What’s that?” 

“I think that if life ever hands you that miracle and you get the chance to see them again, you should tell them– nothing else! You should tell them ‘I choose to love you.’” 

Dr. Smith pulled his eyes away from the lake to look at you. His eyes were questioning, but you would understand that his words were not. He said back, “I choose to love you.” 

“Exactly!” You nodded excitedly. “They’ll understand, I just know it.” 

You heard someone shout your name from the direction of the dorms. You recognized it as your roommate’s but made no move to respond. She could wait one moment. 

“Aren’t you going to go see your friend?” He asked with a slight head nod but not looking away. 

His question went unanswered. You rolled out of your chair and dropped to your knees beside the arm of his chair. For a moment, you stared at him. You look in every curled lock of wild gray hair, every wrinkle, every speck of color inside the blue of his eyes beneath those bushy brows. Your hand fell delicately against the apple of his cheeks, sunken slightly from age. His skin wasn’t soft like it had been before, but it was a welcoming sensation all the same. 

“It was him,” You whispered. “Wasn’t it?” 

"Maybe," Dr. Smith- the Doctor acknowledged. 

"I should've noticed," You chastised yourself, your lips curled into themselves to keep a sob inside. It didn't work. "I-I should've noticed that it was him. I know him… I just… I should have known it was him that day and maybe…" 

The Doctor brought his hand to yours. It felt so different from the Doctor you knew, but then, you'd never touched this Doctor's hand. You wouldn't ever really know what it felt like. You'd have to be content with only the idea of how it might have been to hold his hand. "Give yourself some credit. You were hurting." 

He was so much older. You knew the Doctor had completely different faces when he regenerated, but this… If it weren't for the eyes, and if it weren't for the gift of memory, you never would have even known. You might have lived the rest of your life thinking that this man was no more than a stranger passing by. Perhaps the Doctor just got his timing wrong again. 

You had seen the Doctor’s previous faces. You remembered how all eleven of them looked, and this one never appeared in TARDIS files. This face was new. He must have regenerated into him. And that meant there were probably years worth of things that he’d gone through. You wanted to know what those things were, who he’d met, but you needed to know if he had been alone through it all. You couldn’t be there, but you prayed upon the stars that he forsook his stubbornness and offered companionship to some lucky girl despite everything you said. 

“He looks so tired.” 

You heard your roommate again, this time more insistent. You couldn’t stay in this moment forever. That’s what she said, without having to say more than your name. 

“Just… can I hear him say it before I go?” 

You would never see this face again, and you only wanted to hear him call you, “Starshine.” 

Trying to bite back a choked, pathetic mixture of a laugh and a cry and failing, you lowered yourself back into your seat to the exact position you’d been in before. Even when you slipped back into the ignorance of the memory, the imprint of his cheek against your hand wouldn’t leave you. You turned your head to see your roommate with bags from the cafeteria. In an act of kindness, she said she’d grab you both dinner and some ice cream to dig into from the convenience store. “That’s my friend. I should–” 

When you looked back to tell Dr. Smith you needed to go, the yellow beach chair was empty. You didn’t see him anywhere nearby, and there didn’t even seem to be any trace that he was there with you at all; it was like he had just up and vanished. 

“Hey!” Your roommate greeted you. Her eyebrows furrowed at your concerned expression. “Everything alright?” 

“Um,” The fresh tears that weren’t there at the time dripped into the corner of your mouth. The saltiness tasted like regret. “Y-Yeah. Fine. So, what’d you get?”

“That lake…” Graham muttered. “I know that lake. I’ve seen it before.”

“Gamma Pictoris,” Yaz stated, turning to the Doctor. “You accidentally took us there when we were trying to get to Gamma Pictoris. We went to the wrong place. This place.”

“It was just as beautiful as they said it was… The TARDIS took me there,” The Doctor began, not looking at anyone. “Right before I transformed into this face… I guess it was a good thing I was already going through the regeneration process because that book really hurt!”

She was laughing, but there was nothing comedic in her smile. There was centuries of grief for the love that she never got to save. When she looked at the face before this one, she saw it in his smile too. All that mourning, but never really knowing what for. Because the worst part about losing you was that there was no finality. She’d lost so many before you and more after, but she knew where they were. Even if it was in death… or abandonment, she knew.

In some wry, cruel fashion, the Doctor never had an ending with you.

“Guess she took me there to remind me.”

“Remind you of what, Doc?” Graham asked.

To keep looking for that ending. “I have to make a phone call.”

The Doctor rushed to her feet, making a swift exit while the emerging image of Manhattan appeared behind the glass.

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[monpalace]

hi so completely unrelated anon here— i’ve been stalking this whole thread on athena, aphrodite, songbird, atalanta, etc. mayhaps, can i have the lion thoughts about atalanta? thoughts, perhaps, involving the whole century long situation? the yearning!! the longing!!

hey anon! i saw your other ask and dw abt it! i'll take any opportunity to spill my thoughts, but i kinda held off since atalanta is more 🧚🏽‍♀️'s creation and i didn't wanna like,, shoehorn (???) it-- but at the same time, like i said, if i'm prompted i will ramble and make no sense whatsoever. so.

in atalanta's original story, she was turned into a lion by artemis/zeus because she lost her virginity/having sex in his sanctuary (respectively), right? i'd imagine that [name] was turned into an animal by ganondorf because she had relations (either romantic or sexual, both would be good enough reason for him) with wild/flora

(keeping in mind that [name] is gerudo and i'd imagine that ganondorf wouldn't take kindly to any of them (the gerudo) having relations with his enemies-- especially the ones that are his sworn, eternity-long enemies that kill him almost every single lifetime)

(she likely didn't even know he was the link or recognize that flora was the princess. they were just two foreigners she took a liking to and ganondorf wanted to be safe and assure nothing came from it)

(but on that note, i like to ignore most of what botw/totk say lorewise when it comes to each race/species. i like to imagine that even though the gerudo supposedly turned ganondorf away from them, they're still 🤞🏽 with him because being in cahoots with him put them in a lot of danger)

i imagine that ganondorf wouldn't turn [name] into an animal like a lion, but rather a monster of sorts? maybe a unique lynel that's not white, blue, golden, or silver-maned? either that or an animal that can only survive in the desert (to lessen the chances of link finding her) that's mystical like a blupee?

(i also think that ganondorf planned to turn her back after a certain amount of time (not a century) but got caught up with his battle with zelda in the castle and was perpetually like "wtf am i forgetting")

it wouldn't take long for rumors surrounding [name]'s sudden transformation to spread among the gerudo and news of a mythical creature to reach outside the deserts.

the gerudo know better than to approach [name] with malicious intentions not only because she's still their sister regardless of her form, but because the monsters that are always surrounding her act like bodyguards (more assurance. they aren't aggressive to gerudo). her tale is a required story for (gerudo) mothers to tell their (gerudo) daughters as both a cautionary tale to be careful of who they choose as lovers and so they're aware that she (and her monsters) are friend rather than foe.

(the monsters are like the hippomenes to her atalanta, just platonically)

[name]'s tale isn't known outside anyone gerudo. it's to both keep her safe from hunters looking for their next animal to mount or sell and because they don't want to go through the very long process of gaslighting/jailing anyone who saw her out in the desert.

with only monsters for companions as you go throughout a seemingly endless desert with the occasional (seldom) visitor from someone you have to watch age as you stay the same is both lonely and disheartening, especially since you're essentially trapped in said desert with no chance to interact with anyone outside of it.

i'd figure that the gerudo would take [name] (and, by association, the monsters) back to the main city for festivities and celebrations so they're able to remind her that she still has a place with them, as well as make it so she's not just in the empty desert, by herself, with only monsters for company a few days/weeks out of the year.

uhmmmm,, talking about the pining/longing from atalanta during the 100 years (it is Not my strong suit), i personally think it'd be more like "there is no way i let this manlet rizz me into being cursed," and blaming herself?

like, yeah, part of her longs to be with wild/flora again because,,,,, woah,,,, she'd never been so infatuated with someone like she has been with them, but the other part is screaming "if i get out of this i'm becoming celibate," and it's a constant battle of that until she's eventually like "i'm never getting out of this. why would i stay stuck on someone who's probably dead now," because word travels fast and it wouldn't take long for her to find out wild/flora is dead/hasn't been seen for a while.

so now she's over them. supposedly. after maybe 5-12 years because she wasn't gonna spend the rest of her (possibly endless) existence hung over someone she'd never see again.

(and it wasn't even getting over them? it was more like repressing any and all feelings by calling them mean names and recognizing their flaws-- but then overtime it's like "damn. i kinda miss the way he would frog blink at someone when they talked a little to long," or "huh. the way she side-eyed anyone who came at her wrong was kinda cute" and suddenly repressed emotions have come back tenfold)

anyways 🧍🏽‍♂️ like i said longing isn't my strongsuit so i dont think i have many thoughts on that? it's mostly centered around her transformation, possible events that happened while she was the creature, and her getting out of it?-- but i also like the idea of [name] keeping some of her creature-features when she's turned back (by either flora post-ganon battle or wild) (wild turning her back are separate thoughts), so post totk, she and [totk spoilers] [totk spoilers] [totk spoilers] and wild gets to have fun with that.

idk i'll have to write [name]'s experience with the century in a drabble or smth

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x09 Review

Spring Break was a bit of an odd ep but helped move some key plots forward. Let’s dig in!

Well people can no longer claim that Portwell is one sided. We finally got Gina’s pov and she starts off the ep uncertain whether the shift in their relationship means that EJ likes her but by the end of the ep she seems sure of herself and that EJ likes her back. I liked that she didn’t try to pretend that nothing had changed or that she hadn’t noticed potential signs that EJ might like her; it always sucks when tv characters act like idiots. 

Perhaps the most important reveal of this ep was that Gina has a much older estranged brother who left her and her mom many years ago. That certainly makes her backstory more tragic and is definite set up for her brother to eventually return.

The writers continue to give Portwell great tropes, capping this ep off with an airport rom-com trope that also calls back to EJ getting Gina the place ticket so she could come back in S1. Not only did Gina keep EJ’s Duke sweatshirt but she altered it to fit her better which is both sweet and bold in the assumption that it was hers to keep. Gina got her sign when not only did EJ show up to drive Gina home and take her luggage but he brought her the granola bar that she had wanted but forgot to pack. I wonder if her posting on her story that she was ubering home after her flight was cancelled was intended to see if EJ would show up since the camera focused on her posting it. Also sweet that she’s taken to calling EJ, ‘ Eej’. 

EJ’s opening was good, shows a lot of his character growth from the selfish guy he was in S1 and how he’s learned to value other people which of course leads into his feelings for Gina. We got another great use of the camera as character tonight when Gina was laughing after her facetime call with EJ until she realized that the camera was on her. 

Jack was a lot of fun. Though he didn’t really change Gina’s mind over anything like the ep description said he would.  Seemed like Gina was largely over Ricky and wondering about EJ at the beginning and the end solidified her feelings for EJ but Jack didn’t really play a role in that, it’s not like he encouraged Gina to reach out to EJ or anything. There’s a vague sense in which Jack being nomadic linked him to Ricky’s unreliability in Gina’s eyes with her craving stability but that’s a stretch. Jack mentioned that the second most dangerous part of a plane ride is when the plane takes off, a hint to the blossoming Portwell relationship where in order to take off one or both of them has to risk a confession even though they could be turned down.

This ep might seem a bit weird in hindsight. The zoom parts probably won’t age well and five years from now people might be wondering why they had Gina hang out with a manic pixie dream boy of sorts for an ep.

The path is clear for canon Portwell in the finale with EJ being Gina’s second chance at romance and her first kiss since they clearly telegraphed it out of nowhere. I’ve been impressed with the great work the writers have been doing since 2x05 to build up Portwell as a ship but also work on Gina and EJ as individual characters; they’ve been the highlight of the season so far. 

There was discourse this past week over how well or poorly Portwell has been set up. Objectively very few ships on this show get much in the way of set up or consistent writing. Redlyn and Kowie had barely any set up before getting together. Seblos had none (though in fairness that was due to Disney restrictions) and Miss Jenn and Mike Bowen didn’t have much set up either. Rini did get lots of development in S1 but that’s because they had already dated and were the main ship of the show. The show’s not really about slow burns, if Jenzzara canons in the finale they’ll count and if Rina ever got together they’d also count but neither of those ships have gotten consistent development with Mazzara not being in several eps and Gina and Ricky not even interacting for the past 3 eps. 

Is Portwell a slowburn? In a sense since they did feature quite a bit in each other’s S1 plot lines and even had a fake dating plot but it is true that they were platonic and not that close in S1 so it’s a wash. There was clear set up for romantic Portwell in 1x10 with team wonderstudies and Gina staring at EJ (which interestingly enough looked more like set up for Gina to pine over EJ). I think the main problem is that even though we saw Gina and EJ hanging out in the background we didn’t get any scenes of substance between them until 2x05. It was a mistake and there should have been some scene, like EJ and Gina commiserating in 2x03 over being single on Valentine’s Day or something like that. Hell there was even that still from 2x01 of EJ and Gina looking at each other at the piano while they were in the frame between Ricky and Nini singing and having a moment  which would have been good foreshadowing but that shot wasn’t in the ep.

Whether Tim just really wanted Portwell to be a surprise in 2x05 as a mid-season twist to throw the audience off of what looked like a Rini/Rina triangle or he was unsure as to whether he wanted to go with Portwell or if he just planned it out poorly we may never know. Regardless they’ve had great writing for 4 eps in a row now which puts them slightly ahead of the 3 eps in a row of development Rina got in S1. I’m sure if someone added up their screen time they’d find that Portwell has more screen time this season than Kowie and more screen time than Redlyn or Seblos  got in S1. 

Caswell cousins was fun and Ashlyn did in fact paint EJ’s nails. 

Set up for Seblos drama next week, it’s refreshing to see Seb being jealous over Carlos flirting with other boys that’s definitely not something you see on Disney shows.

Ricky got some healing done with his mom. Enough to cover their issues? No but this is probably the best this show is capable of. There was a brief mention of therapy sandwiched between other options which sounds more like checking off a box then setting up Ricky actually going to therapy. I noticed Lynne was smiling at odd times like when she told Ricky she knew about his breakup with Nini; whether that was poor directing or acting I don’t know. Who knows if we’ll see Lynne again. As an aside still so wild that Tim named Lynne who’s been a kinda shitty mom after his own mom who he seems to be fairly close with.

Really liked You ain’t seen nothin as a song but not a fan of the Tiktok style vid. I’ll level with you wildcats, I’m too old to really get Tiktok, it just seems like a crappy version of Vine to me. Let you go was good, seemed better fitted for Joshua Bassett’s voice than some of his previous songs. A big sign that they’re not circling back to Rini for a long time for sure. Though on that note we got a bit of a hint that Ricky was Nini’s muse which may one day come back as a way to help bring them back together. 

Looking Ahead:

If there’s only 3 weeks left till the Menkies, with only 2 weeks left for rehearsal due to spring break, it’s hard to see East High winning unless North High is disqualified or has to withdraw. 

Lily is in a promo photo so she’s likely the unexpected facetime Ricky gets which is what I had theorized. Also makes it much more likely that she’s the party crasher Ricky re-evaluates in the finale though what Tim actually wants to do with those two I do not know.

There’s little point in bringing back the Valentine’s chocolate since there’s no real stakes. Rini are already broken up, Gina hasn’t spoken to Ricky since 2x06, and it’s not like Nini and Gina were ever close so even if they stopped talking to each other it wouldn’t really affect the show in any way. 

Seems pretty likely that Second Chances refers to Gina realizing that her first try with Ricky failed but her second chance with EJ won’t and that leads to her sharing her truth and cue the Portwell confession and kiss, perhaps with an assist on EJ’s end from Mazzara. We’ve gone well past the point where Portwell can be brushed off as just a plot device to help Rina but Tim is playing with fire by getting the audience so on board with Portwell if he’s once again going to have EJ lose a girl he likes to Ricky in S3.

Gina certainly needs to talk with Ricky and I do think that happens in ep 11 or 12 and leaves them on better terms. As I mentioned last week, if Tim was smart he’d slam the door on Rina if he’s going with canon Portwell or vice versa. If he wants Rina to be a slow burn he’s really botched the writing this season, it’s been too one sided and too angsty to sustain any kind of momentum or audience interest. They haven’t even interacted for 3 eps now and not only has it not affected the show but it’s inarguably made Gina’s story line much better.  Again I don’t think he’s smart enough to not try and do Portwell and then later Rina but he’s accidentally set up the Rina story line to quite easily slam the door permanently on them by having their conversation be closure for Gina who’s moved on and an apology from Ricky who never liked her back as much as Gina liked him.

Not looking forward to seeing Nini basically live out Olivia Rodrigo’s life in future seasons

Curious to see Carlos’ apology song to Seb. Ricky helping him with it is a great way to help start redeeming Ricky’s character in the audiences eye’s. According to Matt there is a bit of a Ricky/EJ rivalry this season and if it’s really happening the sleepover would be a good place to do it though I hope it’s not about Gina. 

Until next week wildcats.

[theyarebothgunshot]

I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it. 

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video. 

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it. 

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent. 

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s]. 

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it. 

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha. 

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao. 

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier. 

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting. 

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship. 

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him. 

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao. 

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc. 

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej. 

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you? 

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving. 

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel. 

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him. 

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still. 

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay. 

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up. 

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’. 

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay. 

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable. 

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk. 

[pinkjiminssi]

So.. About That Hickey..

I think I’m still processing all of this and reminding myself I’m not dreaming 🤣 I seriously only got 3 hours of sleep last night and when I woke up the first thing I did was check twitter to be sure this “drunk bridal-style spinning hickey neck biting proudly showing off” moment actually happened!! 

.. I hate the way my brain works though. I was so happy that it took me forever to fall asleep, spent all day on cloud 9 despite being tired, .. and then my old nemesis, anxiety, stepped in. Well kind of. TBH if all of the MOTS ON:E Jikook moments we got happened with Jimin/anyone else or Jungkook/anyone else.. I would seriously be sitting here saying “well fuck.. I believe they WERE a couple, but looking at all of this it seems they are no longer together.” So really, this just confirmed what I already knew about Jimin and Jungkook: they’re a couple. My anxiety is over.. why? Why show us this? If they can cover all of JK’s tattoos, a hickey/bite mark/whatever we’re calling it should be super easy to hide. Sure it was just rehearsal.. but it was rehearsal with cameras rolling with every intention of releasing what was being filmed as future content. It could have (and some might argue should have) been covered.

Guys... I’m confused. And concerned. ❗❗❗ TW for drama, hate, homophobia, the usual anti issues

That “official” explanation.. again.. why? I’m assuming Jimin and Jungkook were asked and allowed to explain because of the chance of it being spotted and armys freaking out, so BH (or possibly even Jikook) thought to get ahead of the speculation by just being up front about it all.. but THAT explanation? I suppose it works for covering up the army panic of “Jungkook has a girlfriend?! *insert fangirl sobbing*” .. but that’s literally all it does (and only barely if you go looking at some of the anti’s reactions to it all). Really, all it did was draw even more attention and speculation. I mean.. this is, essentially, what we were told: Jimin and Jungkook were together the night before drinking, apparently without the other members as they didn’t seem to know all of this already (and they would have if they had been there), somehow hanging out and having drinks turns into Jungkook picking Jimin up bridal style (random but some of the k-army reactions on twitter were translating through google into “princess style” and I just think that’s so cute 🥰), spinning ensues, Jimin gets dizzy and wants Jungkook to put him down, ... and so he proceeds to do the only logical thing that any of us would have done in that situation... biting Jungkook’s neck? And hard enough to leave a mark the next day?? And instead of being peeved about it (like most of us would have been if our friend bit the crap out of us), Jungkook looks happy?? proud even??? 

And they arrived together the next day and continue to be cute and playful? 

I just.. I mean.. come on. First of all.. that’s a hickey. A bite leaves teeth marks. And one would assume a wild, drunken “let me down” chomp would be something that happens suddenly and ends very quickly. I know I for sure would drop someone on their ass if they decided to take a bite out of my neck (assuming I was even picking up and spinning around with one of my friends like that to begin with.. but let’s not even get into why that was going on at this point) .. but the way this bruised? Yeah. There were no teeth involved (at least not hard enough to leave indentations) and this took more than a couple of seconds of mouth-to-neck contact to still be that visible the next day. So.. in short. Jungkook arrives with a hickey, JK decides to not cover it up (or he would have shown up with it hidden and we see him get out of the car that morning with it clearly visible), BH staff sees it and also decides to not have it covered up and actually have it explained... and the explanation is “oh yeah Jimin just bit him, you know.. no big deal hehehe isn’t that funny?” 🤯 WHAT?! Yeah.. that’s totally normal, platonic behavior between adults...

I’m not saying Jimin and Jungkook are lying btw. I have no doubt it played out more or less exactly as they said with the exception of what they’re calling the end result. Jimin and Jungkook are fine.. I mean, what were they supposed to say? They’re not going to show up saying Jimin was sucking on Jungkook’s neck the night before. We’ll probably never know why Jungkook decided to not cover it up before arriving, but it’s his body and he gets to decide. It’s BH that has me so puzzled. Other than antis and people who refuse to see what’s literally right in front of their faces when it comes to Jikook.. who were BH expecting to believe the bite thing? Just among staff and the other members, it’s a laughable but safe “oh of course *wink wink*” explanation that allows everyone to carry on like normal. But to the public who don’t know them personally, don’t know their usual behavior and patterns, and who don’t have something like a non-disclosure agreement or professional courtesy preventing them from openly speculating.. it doesn’t fly. Pretty much everyone teen and up knows what a hickey looks like (either from having gotten/given one or at least seeing one on someone else in person or online). It’s immediately obvious what it is. And even if there was some uncertainty.. that it’s on his neck (instead of other easily accessible and less sensitive/stimulating locations) and just so happens to be right near his mole as it Jimin were aiming for it? Just another “too many coincidences” thing when it comes to Jikook.

Even antis on twitter couldn’t deny what it was and, so, had to resort to the “well I do that with my sibling and my uncle’s pet raccoon all the time it’s just family things” excuse and/or the “yeah well someone ELSE in the group (or a girlfriend) gave him that and they’re just covering by saying it was Jimin.” Oh. And the same old “it’s just fan service” excuse (as if Jungkook would let someone bruise his neck for the purposes of fanservice which, again, BTS has never done or needed to do. Forever pissed off that so many in this fandom act like Jungkook is a puppet doing whatever the “evil company” tells him to do regardless of his personal feelings or boundaries. The man has tattoos covering nearly every inch of his arm despite that being looked down on in Korea. At this point he can do whatever the fuck he wants). So.. why?? Seriously, why? This all could have easily been avoided with simple makeup.

When they’re doing official content they’re all literally followed around by a flurry of staff fixing hair, dabbing sweat, touching up makeup, etc. Even though it was rehearsal, staff were everywhere in the footage that’s made its way online. If they were worried that it would be seen in the background and “taken the wrong way,” just have the staff occasionally touch up the makeup. “Easy peasy lemon squeezy.” But instead of doing the obvious, BH decides to: not cover it, draw attention to it by asking about it and letting them continue to talk about it, go out of their way to get a camera on it, and then include it in the final cut of the content they sent out?

BTS is literally the most popular group in the world right now and BH has become a behemoth of a company that runs like a well-oiled machine. They’re not stupid; this was not a mistake. For some reason they wanted us to see this and, one would assume based on the lack of a more believable explanation, they wanted us to come to the conclusion that we all have: Jimin gave Jungkook a hickey. You know they have teams dedicated to monitoring reactions to content on social media. You know they know the dialog surrounding Rosebowl, Black Swan MMA, the Memories 2020 “almost kiss,” etc. etc. All of this got “jikook,” “hickey” and variations of their names trending for HOURS (in multiple countries and worldwide). 

Out of curiosity, I decided to check the trends at the time of writing this. As of 3 AM CST (about 24 hours AFTER the clips started showing up online), there was still a hashtag trending related to all of this: #FREEJUNGKOOK.. and the tweets being directed toward BH are.. disturbing to say the least:

While I agree that the boys should trend more often based on their talents and music.. what’s going on right now is a homophobic 💩 show accusing BH of “scripting” interactions (rather than.. you know.. Jungkook interacting with whoever he wants however he wants.. the usual “mindless puppet JK” narrative), trying to coordinate the mass sending of angry emails, trying to get people to stop buying paid content, accusing BH of taking advantage of the members.. I mean it goes on and on. And BH know what’s going on right now. They’re seeing the reactions... the good and the extremely negative. And still they let this out. And this is all not even CONSIDERING the mountain of other moments that made the cut on MOTS ON:E. 

(side note, the above pic just oozes happiness and it’s so cute I love it!! 😭)

So.. even though I’ve said it dozens of times already... WHY? W H Y? I’m an anxious person by nature and not very trusting. I believe Jimin and Jungkook and I don’t think they’ve been lying and pretending for “fanservice” all of these years. I respect them both too much as individuals and artists to believe that they would stoop to such tactics just to generate a little more “interest” and revenue. I’m suspicious of BH. BTS doesn’t need fanservice to get attention; literally all of 2020 and 2021 so far has proven that beyond a doubt. Even if they suddenly made the decision to do fs.. why not go with the most popular ship (taekook) or at least one that isn’t so hotly debated on social media (remove Jimin, Jungkook and Tae from the equation and you still have four members to “play” with who have much less potential to have fs devolve into a toxic crap show all over the internet). Showing us this will do nothing to help BTS as a group or Jimin and Jungkook at this point. In fact.. all it can do is hurt. Hurt BH, hurt the group, and hurt the individual members, heck.. even potentially hurt other BH/HYBE groups. I’ve already seen people on twitter saying they’re “done” spending money on anything BH or BTS puts out because they’re “sick of jikook in their faces and just two of the seven hogging all of the screen time.” Whether or not that “spending freeze” actually materializes into anything noticeable remains to be seen of course.. but the threat is there and always has been. What is the motive? And why now? As much as my “hopeless romantic” heart would like to believe they’re preparing us for Jikook to be “out” .. I seriously don’t think that is ever going to happen. Certainly not now at the height of the group’s fame, with them being given Presidential honors and ambassador status, and with military service still looming over them all. And let’s not forget... Korea is NOT a safe place for a queer couple. Letting us see and know what they did through what was released has the potential to put Jimin and Jungkook (and the other members by proxy) in danger. Sure.. BTS has never been hardline rule followers and have been breaking molds and shattering norms from the start, so “officially” having an openly gay couple in the group wouldn’t be impossible.. just... highly highly improbable. Especially right now... and I’m concerned. I don’t want to sound like the creeps I posted a screenshot of above throwing blame at the company. The boys chose to renew their contracts with the for a reason so we have to trust their judgement as a group... but still, I’m worried and I’m questioning what the purpose was here. 

[rivalsforlife]

The Miles Dadworth Fic Rec List

List last updated: May 14 2021

Hopefully comprehensive list of fics of Miles Edgeworth Being A Father. This can be heavily implied or him outright adopting a kid. Not filtered through for quality, I just picked all the ones I could find easily.

Here’s how it works: I went through the 29 fics in the platonic Miles&Kay tag on ao3 that weren’t also tagged with the ship (gross), and skimmed through the fics that listed them both in the character tags. I also went through the platonic Sebastian&Miles tag. (Pretty much all the Sebastian fics are under the aai2 spoilers category regardless of how much spoilers are actually in there, just to be on the safe side!) I picked out ones that were either Miles Is A Dad or at least had heavy Dad vibes, and in which that relationship played a major if not were the sole focus of the story.

I didn’t go through Trucy’s tag yet because it’s the largest and also overlaps heavily with narumitsu - and while I love the ship, I wanted to focus on platonic relationships here, and didn’t really want to break down if each fic is more Miles&Trucy focused or narumitsu focused. Maybe later! I also didn’t go through the fics with original child characters for Miles -- though if you have any, lmk and I’ll add in a category for them, it counts as Dadworth too.

In the interest of being transparent as possible, these options are probably going to be biased. I read over or at least skimmed all of the fics submitted here before I put together this list, and therefore, I probably missed some that are tagged under ships that I personally dislike. As long as the ship isn’t something egregious, feel free to recommend it preferably with the Dadworth parts you like pointed out to me, and I’ll add it!

Now that those disclaimers are done… each of the fics below is sorted into one of three categories based on spoilers. There’s the link, followed by the title, author, rating, word count, and completion status (most are complete) along with any notes I thought might be helpful, such as which Dadworth relationship it focuses on but also any content warnings. Check them out and send the authors your love!

If you have any recommendations for the list, whether that’s because it’s on a non-ao3 site, under a ship I avoided, under a Dadworth relationship I didn’t search for, or I just plain missed something… send me a message either here or on twitter @rivalsforlife with a link to the fic! 

Similarly, if one of your fics on this list and you don’t want it to be, let me know and I’ll remove you from it, no hard feelings!

Full list under the “keep reading”.

Relatively Spoiler-Free Recs

… like it’s not going to be totally spoiler-free, but no major spoilers for anything released post-AJ unless stated otherwise.

Surprise Visit, by tellezara. T, 1385 words, complete. Not explicitly Dadworth, but Kay breaks into Miles’s house and meets Phoenix. Background narumitsu.

Means to an End by xtwilightzx. T, 24653 words, complete. Miles + Kay and a little bit of Miles + Trucy, again there’s narumitsu haha oops there’s gonna be a lot of those. It’s a spy+secret agent AU, I kind of just went through the Kay parts when adding it so I didn’t read over a lot of it and it’s been a while since I read it the first time. Not a fluffy piece, so tread carefully!

startling conclusions., by snowweiss. G, 3589 words, complete. Mainly Miles + Trucy and also Kay is there, and again, background narumitsu. 

The Little Things, by TelepathJeneral. G, 1838 words, complete. Miles+Kay, literally tagged “the ‘dad who isn’t a dad’” so. Yeah.

By the Skies, by potatomin. G, 1893 words, complete. Miles + Kay, not outright dad-stuff and can be read as friendship-only but here I am anyways claiming it

Turnabout Road Trip, by AutisticWriter. G, 1032 words, complete. Miles + Kay, not outright dad stuff but there’s a line implying it. Miles and Kay go to the Stonewall Inn, and there’s implied narumitsu.

Dear Kay, by chariset. T, 3790 words, complete. As the name would suggest it’s Miles + Kay. Contains spoilers for Dual Destinies, largely narumitsu focused, and a few lines that are nsfw-ish (for the narumitsu) but nothing graphic.

Jingleheimer Schmidt, by Meowzee. T, 2702 words, complete. It’s an AU where Miles has adopted (younger) Kay, Sebastian, and Ema, running into Phoenix who has adopted Trucy and (younger) Apollo and (human?) Charley. There’s a bit of implied narumitsu in there I think.

The Track Meet, by Auste. G, 2053 words, complete. Kay invites Miles and Gumshoe to her track meet. It’s not outright Dadworth, can be read as friendship only, but it’s implied in a few places.

An Unexpected Embrace, by PaleSkiessss. G, 2493 words, complete. Miles+Kay, there’s a spoiler for the victim of AAI case 4 in there but since I don’t think it’s an outright spoiler it’s here. Warning for kidnapping and hopsitals.

A Real Hero, by agoldengalaxy. G, 1609 words, complete. Miles+Kay, it takes place after aai2 but there aren’t any spoilers for it in here. 

The Single-Dads-In-Law-Enforcement Club, by milesedgeworthy (glassandroses). T, 1063 words at the time of writing this, incomplete. AU where Miles adopts Kay (who is aged down in this). Narumitsu seems to be a future focus, there’s also Gumshoe/Maggey and Mia/Diego. 

Long Known Facts, by Laquilasse. G, 3010 words, complete. Miles+Kay and Miles+Trucy, along with Miles+Gregory (various Dadworth flavours!). Miles turns 36 and reflects on the loss of his father; it’s a little heavy, naturally, but has a hopeful ending. Narumitsu is there as a pairing. Warning for past suicidal thinking.

Looking Past the Blindside, by AuthorForHire. G, 2808 words, complete. Miles+Kay, watching the beginning of Turnabout Succession (hence, AA4 spoilers).

From Borginia, with Love, by Inkblot0Blue. G, 678 words, complete (but reportedly part of an earlier abandoned(?) work). Miles+Kay and Miles+Sebastian, but no spoilers pop up regarding Sebastian.

Found, by BexDaBex. G, 318 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Miles finds Kay crying in the prosecutor’s office.

To the victor goes the spoils, by Verse. G, 499 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Miles spends a ridiculous amount of money on Kay. Warning that, while the fic itself is fine and absolutely dadworth, it is based on a prompt and the prompter mentions it as a ship in the prompt. (Again, the fic itself is fine, just brace yourself for that if needed.)

Making the Most, by digitaldreams. G, 2000 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Miles introduces Kay to Phoenix. narumitsu is in this one.

AAI Spoilers

For fics that contain spoilers for the first investigations game, but not the second.

Room 1202, by AquilaMage, G, 2950 words, complete. A bit of Miles + Kay stuff, but mostly Kay and Trucy sister-like bonding fluff!

Late Night, by agoldengalaxy. G, 1270 words, complete. Miles + Kay, post-AAI.

Turnabout Smokescreen, by chariset. T, 61036 words, complete. This is a multi-chapter casefic, it’s not super Dadworth focused but believe me it is in there, Miles + Kay. Some SOJ spoilers, not very fluffy, and I didn’t read over it before adding it to the list since it’s so long, so there may be some warnings or spoilers that I missed!

Promises, by an orphaned account :(. G, 1390 words, complete. Miles + Kay, Miles signs her promise notebook.

Two in the Bush, by Rosage. G, 4568 words, complete. Miles has adopted Kay in this, and some Kay+Trucy interactions plus Protective Dad Phoenix -- it’s not a fluffy fic, though, deals with moral ambiguity + Actual Yatagarasu Kay.

Spreading Her Wings, by Auste. G, 1542 words, complete. Less Dadworth and more Miles as a mentor to Kay, on her first day as a prosecutor, but I’m counting it in this anyways.

Father and daughter, by thewritingchip. G, 370 words, complete. Miles + Kay. Kay misses her father.

Coming out, by Verse. G, 977 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Kay comes out as trans to Miles. Content warning for an instance of unintentional deadnaming in the fic.

Never Lose You, by Leave_the_cravat. T, 13800 words, incomplete as of the time I’m writing this. Miles+Kay, Miles get shot and his friends/found family wait for him to recover. Evidently, content warning for gun violence and hospitals; more detailed warnings in the chapters.

Here, by lesbiantoddhoward.  G, 1194 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Kay works through some of her trauma post-AAI with the help of Miles. Not outright dadworth, but can be read as such.

AAI2 Spoilers

For fics that contain any amount of spoilers for the second investigations game.

Childswap, by theacegrace, aka me… sorry for the self-promotion haha but it fits. G, 11781 words, complete, has Miles’ relationships with Trucy + Kay + Sebastian (and also background, heavily implied narumitsu)

“family.”, by snowweiss. G, 2403 words, complete, features Miles’ relationships with Kay and Trucy and also narumitsu. No major plot spoilers but some implied ones through aai2 case 3 and 4.

These Children Are Not Objections, But I Will Raise Them!, by organicgold. G, 12368 words, complete. Has a whole bunch of platonic relationships you can see in the tags and also narumitsu. Some plot spoilers re: Sebastian

Edgeworth Gets Glasses, by Pinkstar14, G, 1516 words, complete. There aren’t any aai2 plot spoilers but Ray and Sebastian do show up in this. A bit of Miles and Sebastian, and Miles and Kay. Also Gregory’s Ever-Looming Presence, because technically he’s a dadworth too.

a great thief has to eat too, by polly_perks. G, 1357 words, complete. Some spoilers for cases 4 and 5 in here, focused on Miles and Kay. Miles gives Kay college advice.

Family Found, by MortisBane. G, 2422 words, complete. Spoilers are just General Sebastian things, but it’s outright dadworth with Kay and Sebastian.

Marked, by AquilaMage. T, 2112 words, complete. Kind of like one of those “soulmate AUs” except skin-to-skin contact with someone who truly loves you, whether that’s platonic, familial, or romantic, results in marks. Has some Miles + Sebastian dad stuff, but Miles also has Sebastian and Kay living with him. There’s also the Klavier/Sebastian ship. Warnings for implied child abuse.

That Warm Familiar Feeling, by ShyAura. G, 3091 words, complete. It’s an AU where Kay and Seb are aged down and Miles adopts them. Again warnings for implied child abuse in this re: Blaise.

Sleeping on Talent, by StrawhatsAndDeliberds. G, 10258 words, complete. Mostly Miles + Sebastian focused, but Miles adopts both him and Kay after the events of aai2 (or at least lets them live in his house.)

With a Chip in his Shoulder, by StrawhatsAndDeliberds. G, 80179 words at the time of writing this, incomplete. Much like the one above, Miles+Sebastian focused but Kay is there too. (I’m not sure if this is supposed to be part of a series or not, but it’s similar with Sebastian working through his issues!)

Surprises and Pride, by agoldengalaxy. G, 2848 words, complete. Miles+Kay but Sebastian is there too, I don’t think there are any aai2 spoilers but since it takes place post-aai2 and Sebastian is there, I put it here just to be safe!

Awfully Quiet, by rainingbluegold. G, 1079 words, complete. Miles+Kay and Miles+Sebastian, Miles cheers them up after the events of aai2.

Home Is Where The Heart Is, by JJsADragon. G, 5887 words, complete. Miles+Kay - Miles tries to figure out Kay’s secret about where she’s been staying throughout the course of the investigations games. 

Birds of a Feather, by theacegrace (oh look it’s me again). G, 8738 words, complete. Miles+Kay (with a little bit of Miles+Gregory). Five times Miles reminds Kay of her father, and one time Miles reminds himself of his own.

Warm Welcome, by debestefarewell. G, 551 words, complete. Miles+Sebastian - Sebastian gets a REAL dad.

Of Revelations and Wedding Bells, by Hotel_Japanifornia. G, 1330 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Kay is getting married (to an ambiguous/unknown partner) and Miles walks her down the aisle.

schön rosmarin, by KiwiKat_Writes. T, 13885 words at the time of writing this, incomplete. Miles+Sebastian and some Miles+Kay. Sebastian gets a dog! Warnings for some child abuse (Blaise being horrible), mentioned animal death at the beginning. (I haven’t had the time to read this one in detail yet, so let me know if I missed something.)

Smile Through the Memories, by VonKarmasWhip. T, 2490 words, complete. Miles+Kay, where Miles adopts Kay and deals with memories and doubts about being a father. There’s Gregbadd in the beginning of this and mentions of narumitsu and faraskye.

A Different Kind of Lullaby, by JJsADragon. T, 4101 words, complete. Miles+Sebastian, Sebastian calls Miles in the middle of the night wondering what happened to his mother. Content warning for Blaise being terrible, so implied/referenced child abuse and neglect.

Photosynthesize, by UtterPandamonium. T, 2140 words, incomplete at the time of writing this. Miles+Kay, with Miles and Phoenix and their accidental child acquisitions. No spoilers yet, but I’m putting it here just in case there is. narumitsu and franmaya are tagged as relationships in here.

[grishaversecommunityyy]

The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey 

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape. 

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for. 

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

[btsandvmin]

why do u think fandom brozone vmin so much? it doesnt happen nearly as often w other ships

I have talked about this a great deal before, and for good reason. It does happen a lot, and it has always been like this. At least I can speak for the years I have been in the fandom as the first post I ever made properly was about this exact topic. (The “bromance” issue) It’s short and a bit outdated, and honestly we also have to admit that while a lot of people still keep insisting on Vmin not being shippable and being “brozoned or friendzoned” there are also a lot more people who both ship Vmin and even see actual real potential in them being more. (You can even tell by the increase in analysis here on tumblr.)

Personally regarding the “issue” of how Vmin are viewed I am no longer as annoyed with it as I used to be. I do think it’s mainly a problem when other shippers come and say it about Vmin, because that is frankly just hypocritical. I have also written  Normalizing Vmin or “Vmin” and  Shipping vs Believing that explains more about my views on the subject of friendzoning and shipping as a whole. (Personally I feel Vmin get more friendzoned than brozoned, but that’s just a minor detail.)

But your question was about why you think the fandom brozone/friendzone Vmin so much, so let’s get to that.

First of all I obviously think there are several reasons, but this is all based on my speculations after being in this fandom for so long and what I have seen. Every person could have their own very different reasons to why they think the way they do. I think all the reasons play a part, but might not be equally important and might also not apply to every single person, but rather affect the fandom as a whole in one way or another.

So let’s break it down to the things I think play the biggest role in why Vmin are seen as platonic, regardless of if they are or not, just simply compared to a lot of the other ships.

1. They have since the start used the label “friend” or “best friend” to describe each other. In particular the label “chingu” of course, which in actuality is used to described someone of the same age that you are close with. 

2. The English translation and constant use of “friend” will when repeated constantly get stuck in people’s minds and affect how they view a dynamic. Just how “hyung” gets translated to brother, but a lot less well known and noted by the fandom. Basically the western fandom will likely get even more platonic feelings towards Vmin because of the word being translated to friends.

3. Compared to the other “chingus” in the group, Namjoon and Hobi, there is much more emphasis on Vmin as the same age and as being close and best friends. Namjoon himself made a comment on this. I also think the use of “friends” or more recently “soulmates” by editors is a reply to this, basically that the editors too use these words because they are used a lot by the members first. Hence it gets doubly reinforced. Every time we hear it or read it we get another reminder of Vmin being friends.

4. Their early dymanics were less soft. A lot of their interactions were teasing like Taehyung’s “Jiminie pabo” and fans saw it as two siblings or friends rather than as the “teasing your crush”. Basically people didn't read their behavior as romantic. When BTS first started Vmin already called each other best friends, and that stuck, even more so in combination with people basically not seeing any "spark" between them. I would call this preference in a lot of cases.

5. There were in the beginning already a lot of competition between ships. Jimin often focused in a lot on JK and basically flirted with him while he at the same time brushed off Tae when he did similar towards Jimin. Meanwhile Tae and JK had a very physical relationship as well and JK often seemed the most open and comfortable with Tae. I think both of Vmin kind of pushing themselves on and teasing JK was a dynamic many shippers like. Meanwhile you aslo had Yoonmin getting popular due to Yoongi seeming a bit soft on Jimin and Jimin being very open and loud with wanting attention from Yoongi.

6. Some people find Vmin's dynamics boring. To a lot of shippers “too” obvious closeness might be a little boring and get labeled as just being friends or bros. This was in particular evident in the early days of Vmin. It also matters for fan content, and we can see a lot of Vmin fiction use a bit more “soft” tropes and might not get as many readers as more conflict driven plot. For me I would also include Vmin’s bias towards each other as another point here, that people might see as too much if they are a couple and have to hide. Basically a lot of people don’t see friendship to romance as the most interesting, or the "obvious and equal dynamic" as interesting. BTS said Vmin were the closest or the “best duo” etc. but since all of them were close people picked based on preference for their ship. Of course this still applies to shippers now, they fall for the type of dynamic they like, but now they also have a easier time getting convinced by material from other shippers. Having analysis is another thing that can make a ship more appealing as well.

7. Speaking of, fan content getting created and spread will reinforce certain images. Reading BTS fanfiction or watching moment videos you will see a lot of Vmin being “the best friends”. Basically once the image is used a lot, it will get more spread and used even more. It will be a constant in many places and when talking to a lot of people. It will also of course pull people in to other ships that makes Vmin impossible. Not to mention the big ships will get bigger and spread more easily.

8. Now this might not be true for a lot of people. But I have come across a lot of fans who seem to think being a friend is something that makes romance less likely. For me I want my partner to be my best friend as well, but a lot of people do see these two things as mutually exclusive. Many see friend and lover as two very different things and that you have one best friend and one partner, not someone that are both. Basically just the view on friendships and labels and how that might lead to some feeling being romantically involved is something separate from a close friendship. 

9. Other ships spreading the narrative even further. It’s easier to just call Vmin friends, honestly. It’s often hard to deny their closeness (not that you should have to just because you ship something else, doesn’t change reality). But Vmin being so close and being part of the three biggest ships in BTS of course their label as best friends will be spread and used even more by those shippers. And because of the size of those ships it eventually gets turned into not just those shippers views, but the whole fandom’s.

10. More recently I would also say fear is a reason why people push back and try to remind the fandom that Vmin are “just friends”. Because we have very bad examples of what happens when shipping goes too far, basically it makes many non shippers try to protect Vmin from the same faith. Not a bad thing (again, as long as you don’t ship something else and is a hypocrite), but it surely does further the narrative of Vmin being very platonic. (A bad group is of course included here, which are homophobic fans, but since they feel the same about all ships it’s just a sidenote.)

11. Lastly, and probably most influentual, is the fact that Vmin and BTS friendzone Vmin in many ways, constantly. 

I won’t go into all the examples, but I think we all know a few moments even at the top of our heads by now.

I mean.... They called their song about being soulmates and wanting to be together for eternity "Friends". And maybe that's what they are, but they sure like to remind us.

So we have times when BTS or Vmin basically remind us and spells it out even more clearly that Vmin are FRIENDS. They use it very very often, and personally to me sometimes at very weird moments. Even so, the things most fans see will of course be what they say. Vmin are friends and that is it.

And at face value that is true. I just personally don’t see being best friends (and soulmates) as meaning they can’t be more as well. Especially since they wouldn’t even be able to say more than that. I mean, if Vmin are basically described as the closest in BTS, then why does that mean they have less odds of being real? Being friends doesn’t have to equal being only friends.

However, Vmin have in fact said things against being interested/denied the other, I don’t want to lie. I am sure some would see this as 100% truth and use it againt the possibility of Vmin being real. Like when Taehyung basically said he would rather date Hobi.

However, Jimin said he would definitely choose Taehyung to date, but that gets ignored by people who ship Jimin with others, so it’s really just about choosing what fits your narrative. All ships have contradicting moments or statments or answers where they answer two different things at two different times in general.

We also have how Jimin answered back to Taehyung about liking men by saying he isnt “like that” to Taehyung.

There are moments like this, and even though they might be small and forgotten by most I think they could in a sense still have registered in some fans who then basically managed to spreak the “vmin are just bros/friends” into the more common perception. 

However we also have opposite moments when they try to appeal to each other, or like when Taehyung asks Jimin to be the girlfriend etc. and personally though I do take these things into account it’s a bit like when you see members say “men can’t do this or that” and it doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t be queer. To me even though there are things against most ships, there are still a lot that speaks for some, and that’s why I remain unsure.

Sometimes you might get more defensive or nervous if there is some truth in there as well. It’s all about interpretation, even though I don’t want to blatantly ignore what they say. But since they have said and done directly contradicting things (like how Jimin said he would choose to date Tae while also saying he doesn’t act like “that” to Tae, or how they have changed a lot of answers in general) I also don’t see it as something definitely against them being more. Not to mention time can change things as well. 

In the end though this isn’t about what other things there might be that show Vmin might be more than friends or not, but simply reasons for the fandom’s view of them as platonic. (Personally I think they do a lot of things not normally seen as platonic, which is obviously the reason for me having this blog and writing anlysis on them.)

So, Vmin is friendzoned by the group, and by shippers of bigger ships, and even by themselves at times. Then everything else is reinforcement and inability to view them as anything more than friends.

There are some other things I think might play a part in it as well, but most comes down to personal preferences or what you get exposed to. Like who is the bias of the shipper and what things do they come across to make them a shipper, what kind of dynamics do they like etc. (It's more likely for someone who "falls" for JK to have JK in his ship, for example. Because they will focus on him and notice his interactions and then likely fall for a certain dynamic.)

History is a huge factor in general, and trying to change the perspective of the fandom might not be easy. But with a lot of new fans coming in and seeing with their own eyes how Vmin have behaved the last two years in particular, I think we can see a change.

Vmin are loved by the majority of this fandom, and that’s far better than them having people be anti them because of their ship being too big or too toxic. So in the end I do feel it’s a good things for them and for us that Vmin is being viewed as mostly platonic while they manage to slowly include more “normally not platonic things” into their platonic box. (I mean we are at a point where they can casually mention sleeping together and sing about being soulmates and hold hands in public).

Thank you for the ask and I hope you found this interesting. This is a topic I have a lot of opinions on and think is interesting myself, so I hope you enjoyed this post. No matter what we all know that one truth won’t change; 95z is love!

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[apiratewhopines]

Thanks to @teamhook for the the eye candy :)

In the Offing

Chapter 16 — Heart of Darkness

Summary: In which our heroine buries multiple hatchets

Notes: This one gets a little gruesome!

Chapter 16 on AO3

“Some mistakes get made

That’s alright, that’s okay

In the end it’s better for me

That’s the moral of the story babe”

-Moral of the Story, Ashe

In the dead of night, her phone started ringing. Looking at the clock, she tried to shake off the fog that threatened to pull her back under. Reaching blindly for her cell and seeing the ID, she groggily answered, “What do you want, Killian?”

“Bloody hell, Swan! If I had known you would get in trouble the second I walked out, I never would have left,” he swore, words breaking with stress. She imagined his hair looked wild at this point if his voice was any indication. “Are you alright?”

“Finally got around to reading the paper, I see,” she replied without emotion as she shifted to sit up in bed. Unable to keep an accusation from seeping into her tone, she continued, “Yes, I’ve had a day to get used to the idea that I’m the most hated person in town but it’s nice of you to join the party. Better late than never I suppose.”

“Liam and I went out on the sailboat, we didn’t get back until a couple of minutes ago. Surely you don’t think I would have left you to fend for yourself if I had known,” he rebuked. When she didn’t say anything, he said grimly, “Or maybe that’s exactly what you thought. Love, you’ll not get rid of me that easily. Can I come over? As a friend.”

She hated that he felt like he had to clarify his intentions. Hated even more that she craved his presence. “No, I’m okay. I need to sleep. I...I’m glad you called though,” she confessed, too tired to maintain the facade that she didn’t care.

“Emma, please—”

“I’ll talk to you later,” she cut him off and hung up before she could change her mind. As much as it hurt, the lines between them were blurred enough without him holding her while she slept which is exactly what would happen if he showed up in the middle of the night. She was beginning to realize that a platonic friendship with him would be impossible. For them it would be all or nothing.

She drifted back to sleep and dreamed of the cottage. The sunshine softly illuminating the porch in the early morning, tiny feet running barefoot across the wood floors, laughter filling every corner of the home. She awoke hours later with a deep sense of peace that was foreign to her.

—

The seagulls squawked longingly as they flew back and forth across the marina docks in search of food left behind by visitors. Emma sat on the bench looking out at the ocean, the heat of the day warming the metal in a pleasant way. While she didn’t want to admit it, she knew she had come to this place in search of Killian.

Instead someone found her.

“I was hoping I would run into you soon,” Liam greeted her as he settled on the bench. As was his norm, he didn’t crowd or even look in her direction. His gaze was fixed out on the distant waves. The stony countenance that always graced his face, the one that used to irritate her so, had somehow changed into a soothing kind of companionship that she had missed.

“Well, you did and here we are. Two grumpy Bostonians stuck in a picturesque nightmare,” she commented, only half joking. She realized that even before their fight, she hadn’t really spent time with him in weeks. Sneaking a look out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the gash on his head was healing nicely, only a thin red line marking the place where the injury occurred. His arm was still in a sling and probably would be for a couple more weeks but he wasn’t as stiff as he had been. Still stiff of course, this was Liam Jones after all, but pompously so instead of painfully.

“Too right,” he agreed. “Although I think you might have gotten the worst of it.”

“Trip’s not over yet. Don’t jinx yourself,” Emma pointed out with a grimace. “Thank you for the transfer. I wasn’t sure you’d come through.”

“Have I ever not lived up to my end of the bargain, Emma? You did what you said you would, you found half the missing persons on our list, doing it admirably and with your normal tenaciousness. If I ever made you think I doubted your abilities or didn’t count you as important, I regret it. I didn’t bring you along as a...what did you call it? A pretty blonde distraction.”

“I haven’t given up, you know. I still want to help you. It’s only that my priorities have to shift for a while,” she told him. Saying that she needed to save her own skin first would have been too melodramatic but she trusted he understood what she meant. He usually did.

“What they printed in the paper was out of line,” he said heatedly. “It was a smear job and it means nothing. You aren’t alone, Emma. You have friends and we will sort this out. It is a fine tangle though.”

“I’m sure it was a shock to read about my past in the Storybrooke Daily Mirror. At least it was for me. There is a reason I like keeping to myself.”

“I knew about your past the second time I talked with Henry, lass,” he laughed. “I think he was feeling me out as a potential suitor. The hope of youth is vast and diabolical.”

Chuckling because that sounded exactly like something Henry would do, she reached out and lightly slapped his shoulder. “Don’t get any ideas. I’m too good for the likes of you, even with a criminal history and fresh charges pending.”

“Aye, you’ll get no argument from me,” he agreed. Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he muttered, “Speaking of women who are too good for me, Elsa and I are getting married this Saturday.”

Eyes wide, she gaped at him in surprise. The tips of his ears were a faint pink and his lips had softened into a satisfied grin. “I don’t know what to say. Congratulations! That’s really fast.”

“Or really slow depending on how you look at it,” he responded. “I’ve loved her for years and I don’t want to wait another minute. Her sister will be in town on a short break for the holiday so we decided it was the perfect time. We want you to be there. After all if it weren’t for you, I’d still have my head stuck up my ass.”

Snorting, she nodded. “That’s probably true. Honestly, I thought you were an incurable case so I guess you deserve some credit too. But Liam, I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I have this shooting hanging over my head and people will talk. I don’t want to detract from your day.”

“Hang them. Have I ever cared what people thought? The whole town will be there whether they are invited or not so what better way to show our solidarity.”

Forcing herself to be truthful, she added, “Things between me and Killian are...unsettled. He might be uncomfortable if I show up.”

Looking at her for the first time, his eyes crinkled in a way that was reminiscent of his brother. “No kidding. His moping around the house and general state of sullenness were my first clues. Trust me, he won’t mind.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he’s smitten with you. Has been since the moment we stepped foot in town,” he said in a voice that made it clear he thought it was obvious. Smiling out at the horizon, he explained, “Killian has taken to you in a way I’ve never seen before. In the interest of fulfilling my role of wing man, I have to confess that he was on me to tell you about the map and treasure from the minute we made it back to the cottage after the accident, long before you had formed an attachment. I’m sure he’ll give you plenty of reasons to be angry with him in the future but place the blame for this one where it belongs. Squarely on me.”

“I think I may have already burned that bridge,” Emma declared, her smile a sad answer to his.

“Good that my little brother is an excellent swimmer then,” Liam countered, standing up and facing her. “Come to the wedding. Then we’ll get back to work.”

—

Emma walked into the loft several hours later discouraged and annoyed. Having spent a good part of the afternoon at the docks, she decided to stop off at the hospital on the way home to check on August. It was there that the full import of her situation hit her. The ICU staff followed her every move, never leaving her alone with her friend as if they were afraid she would rip out his heart with her bare hands as soon as their backs were turned.

So much for innocent until proven guilty.

Mary Margaret’s sunny smile welcomed her as she stepped across the threshold. “Emma, you just missed Killian. He’d been waiting for you for hours.”

“Hmm” was her only reply. As much as she might want to see him, after her chat with Liam she wasn’t sure she was ready to. There were things she needed to settle in her own mind before she interacted with him again. It wasn’t fair to keep jerking him around. She was going to have to pick a path and stick to it. The problem was her mind was set on one direction and her heart was urging her in another.

“Uh oh, I know that look,” Mary Margaret commented. “You’re reverting.”

Amused in spite of the dark turn of her thoughts, Emma asked, “Reverting? What do you mean?”

“You’re pulling on that armor of yours and you’re readying for battle. Am I right?”

“I’m tired. That’s all. The hospital staff clearly believes everything they read,” she explained while moving into the kitchen to get something to drink. “It’s one thing to think someone capable of murder but it’s another to think they would be stupid enough to do it in broad daylight in a well monitored hospital room.”

“Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to question the things that people present to them as facts,” she observed sagely. “Regardless, I know what you need to get out of this funk.”

“Do you? And what would that be?”

“We’re going out for a girl’s night. I’ll call Elsa and Ruby. We’ll get dressed up and we’ll show the town that they are wrong about you.”

“I’m not sure there is enough makeup in the world to change their opinions now,” Emma joked, not completely averse to proposal. “I’m also not sure I’m ready to see another story in the paper about how I callously partied my way through Storybrooke while August is on his deathbed.”

“It’s Storybrooke, Emma. How much trouble do you think we could get into? I’m not suggesting an orgy. It’s dinner with people who care about you. Maybe a few drinks.”

Nearly spitting out her orange juice when the word orgy slipped from Mary Margaret’s mouth, Emma shook her head in disbelief and teased, “What in the world has David been doing these last couple of days? You know when I met you, I would have sworn that you didn’t know any four-letter words.”

“Well now I know all of them,” she joked back, her cheeks flushing and eyes dancing with the deep emotion that only comes from being in love and being loved thoroughly and repeatedly. “Get changed. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Hours later, Emma had to admit she was glad she didn’t put up too much of a fight. Elsa and Ruby rounded out their merry little band quite nicely, the cool elegance of the former a stark contrast to the vivid earthiness of the latter. Overall they were a nice blend of independent, intelligent women who, for whatever reason, seemed to have her back.

She also appreciated that they were giving the topic of her brief arrest a wide berth. There was no better way to kill a buzz than to give into harsh realities. They kept the conversation light, discussing Elsa’s imminent wedding and Mary Margaret’s newfound saltiness. Ruby sighed and said, “Everyone is pairing up. It’s about to be nothing but babies and boringness. Then Emma will leave and nothing exciting will ever happen again.”

“That’s me, the bringer of excitement,” Emma commented dryly as her phone vibrated. Seeing that Henry was calling, she excused herself and went to stand outside so she could hear him. She watched a steady stream of people make their way into the bar as Henry begged to fly into town for Liam’s wedding. Figuring her son’s well-informed status must have come from the man himself, she laughed at his logical arguments for the last minute trip. Starting with the ability to celebrate the holiday with her and ending with meeting her new friends, he laid out his reasons as if he were forty instead of ten.

She hadn’t realized the individuals she had met since her arrival had trickled into their conversations so much but the casual way he referred to half a dozen people he had never met drove the point home. Tempted as she was to give in to his earnest and well-thought out pleas, she did not think it was a good time for a visit. She needed to clear her name first. Explaining that there would be time to meet everyone later and promising to send pictures of the ceremony, which effectively made the decision for her about attending, she ended the call and leaned back against the outer wall.

She heard gravel crunching under footsteps before she heard his voice. “Fancy meeting you here,” Graham said as he approached her.

“This is where all the cool kids hang out apparently,” she remarked, turning toward him. “How are you doing, Sheriff?”

“I’ve been better,” he admitted, stopping a couple of feet away and taking up a similar position against the wall. They stood there in silence for several minutes, neither one sure what to say now that they were alone and not interrogating each other. “The forensics came back. The gun was wiped clean. No prints.”

“Dead end then,” she observed, not particularly surprised. If it had been that easy, the guy would have already been caught.

“Not quite. You’d be surprised at the number of criminals who wipe the weapon and completely forget about the bullets. We pulled a partial off one. No hits yet but it definitely doesn’t match Liam’s or yours. They are also analyzing an unusual substance they found on the rags. We may still get lucky.”

“So, what does that mean?”

“It means you are no longer my prime suspect, Emma,” Graham explained with a small smile. “You can go back to hating me with a clear conscience.”

“I never hated you,” Emma argued, sheepishly looking at him from under her lashes. “I just didn’t trust you.”

Laughing softly, his lilting voice carried to her with a hint of delight. “I do love how direct you are.” Gazing into her eyes searchingly, he asked with a quirked brow, “Why is that? What did I do within minutes of meeting you to put you off me so completely?”

“You lied,” she said simply. Returning his searching glance, she took in his handsome face and lean body. In another time or place, if things had been different, she wondered if there would have been something between them. The odd tension stretched around them, forming a little bubble where the outside world didn’t exist. Deciding she had nothing to lose, she asked, “What were you really doing in the woods the night of our accident?”

“Clever girl,” he complimented her with a wink that showed he was teasing rather than patronizing her. With a shrewd look, he asked her, “Do you trust me now?”

“I think you’ve earned a little faith from me,” she replied, curious about the sudden shift in his demeanor. “Why?”

“It might be better if I show you,” he said mysteriously. A second later, her hand was clasped in his and he was pulling her toward his cruiser. “Let’s go.”

Sending a text to her friends to let them know something had come up and she wouldn’t be rejoining them, she buckled herself into the passenger seat and questioned humorously, “Are you taking me to the wolf’s den?”

“There really have been complaints about wolves,” he defended. “Although they are more likely to be coyotes in this area. But you’re right. I wasn’t being honest because I wasn’t sure what I had found. This town has a violent history and this particular investigation I’ve been keeping under wraps. I haven’t even told Nolan about it.”

“So why me? Why now?”

“I don’t know, Emma,” Graham responded truthfully. “There’s something about you. I’ve always been on your side, you just didn’t want to see it. I have a feeling you’re going to be the one to solve everything.”

“Everything is a tall order,” she groused. “I’d settle for finding who shot August.”

They fell into silence as the buildings gave way to trees. In no time, they were approaching the to town line. They emerged from the cruiser at nearly the exact point Liam’s SUV had left the road. With a dubious look at her sandals, he said, “You going to be okay for a walk?”

Mimicking his doubtful glance, she countered, “Are you offering to carry me the whole time?” Before he could say anything, she stepped off the pavement and ordered, “Lead the way.”

Even with the high-powered police flashlights, it was slow going in the inky darkness of the night with the overgrown forest floor threatening to trip them with every footfall. They had probably been hiking arm-in-arm for about thirty minutes, Emma having given up the pretense of making it on her own shortly after they started. “Are you taking me to our crash site?”

“I’m taking you to a crash site,” he corrected. Huffing a bit and wishing she had gone with jeans rather than a dress, she nodded. Then, there was a break in the trees and she could barely make out the charred remains of a sedan.

Pulling away, she carefully circled the burned out car. The light bounced eerily off the blackened metal and with only a slight hesitation, she flooded the front seat with the beam. Letting go of a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, she was relieved that it was empty. She really hadn’t been looking forward to finding any more skeletons in Storybrooke. “Who do you think it belonged to?”

“I don’t have to think, I know,” he assured her. “The car was registered to the city. It was reported stolen about twenty-eight years ago.”

“Someone stole city property, took it for a joyride, crashed it, and burned the car to hide the evidence?”

“Perhaps.”

“There’s something you haven’t told me, isn’t there?”

“You do have a knack for ferreting out the truth, Emma,” he respectfully observed. “It would be nice to have you around to help out the department from time to time.”

“Don’t get attached,” she warned seriously. “I’m merely passing through. What else have you found?”

“Follow me,” he directed, taking her arm lightly in his grasp to steady her as they moved deeper into the woods. Less than a quarter mile away from the car, they came upon an abandoned cabin. Flashing her light through the grimy windows, she detected no sign of movement.

Graham entered the one room cabin first and flicked on the light switch. A couple of the bulbs were still working and a dingy, yellow glow filled the room. It was then that she saw the blood stains on the small bed pushed against one wall. Her flashlight continued to trail around the room, illuminating several more bloody rags strewn on the floor. “What the hell happened here?”

“I can’t be sure,” he answered, steadying her again as her knees buckled a little at the overwhelming sight. “If it’s too much, we can go outside. You’ve seen everything there is to see now.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she told him, taking slow breaths in through her nose. “What do you think happened?”

“I think someone had a baby.” He watched her reaction as if concerned she might pass out. Honestly, his fears weren’t totally unfounded. “I’ll spare you from reviewing the evidence that led me to that conclusion since you’re white as a sheet and look like you could double over at any moment.”

“Why haven’t you processed the scene?”

“I’m waiting for the state lab to come. Emma, something happened in Storybrooke decades ago, something that is having a ripple effect to this day. I don’t trust that we’ll find answers locally. I’ve been doing what I can to comb through records regarding pregnancies around that time but it’s slow going with the privacy laws and the fact that I doubt there was a birth announcement for this particular baby.”

“I think I can help you there.” Exhaling shakily, she hurried outside. She heard him come up behind her and didn’t resist when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as if to funnel some of his strength to her. “I’m positive that Eva Blanchard had her baby in that cabin, Graham. I’m also sure that if we continue searching, we’ll find her and Leo’s body somewhere around here. Maybe the baby’s as well.”

Feeling sick, she didn’t protest as he pulled her closer and began the trek out of this grisly corner of the forest. He didn’t question how she knew the things she knew and didn’t pressure her to talk, merely nodding at her in thanks when he dropped her off outside the loft.

That night, her dreams were anything but peaceful.

[painted-starlight]

Frozen: Love As Transactional and Contradictory Themes

Warning: LONG POST, Anti-Frozen, Anti-Kristan//na, Anti-Agdu//na, swearing, discussion of colonialism

Tl;dr/Summary: The romantic pairings of Frozen, which are meant to drive the theme of unconditional love appear less romantic and more transactional. Love is something that is owed if you do nice stuff for the person you love. 

The romances feel convenient for male characters and give them what they want at the expense of Anna and Iduna’s agency or against their best interests. This convenience isn’t even beneficial in the long run for either party, because it actually hinders the male character’s growth by making them the lesser of two evils rather than good characters with likable personalities of their own. 

Both Kristoff and Agnarr are meant to be ideal love interests, but they are very underdeveloped despite the former being Anna’s true love and the latter being the center of Iduna’s character motivation. 

Introduction

Frozen’s interesting in the sense that I completely understand what it’s trying to do, but that doesn’t mean it does it well. 

The story itself is constantly contradicting itself an it’s own themes. The theme of Frozen is that love should come with no strings. Unconditional love is the right way to love someone, either romantically and platonically. Iduna and Agnarr’s love for Elsa came with strings while Anna’s didn’t. Which is why Anna’s act of love was the cure, while Elsa suffered under them. 

Kristoff appeared to have a conditional relationship with Anna but then it turned unconditional, while Hans’s love appeared unconditional but in the end was conditional. 

However, upon examining Frozen and it’s sequel, it’s themes become...muddled at best and hypocritical at worst. Especially when it comes to it’s romantic pairings. 

Kristoff and Anna, as well as Iduna and Agnarr are one of the biggest issues that threaten to undermine the very themes of Frozen and it’s views on unconditional love. Note that I think it’s views on platonic unconditional love are...OK to an extent (at least in the first film), but it’s romantic pairings are just plain awful.  

Kristoff/Anna: The Transactional and the Unconditional 

My huge problem with Kristoff and Anna’s relationship is that it feels like the story (through Olaf) pressures her into returning Kristoff’s sudden feelings for her just because he helped her. Their relationship was already very transactional and it really felt like they couldn’t stand each other for a majority of the movie.  

Kristoff goes from hating her spontaneity (”You don’t tell Sven what to do!” while throwing her on Sven) to suddenly loving this side of her on the flip of a coin. I could pinpoint the scene too, when she jumps into his arms after failing to scale the mountain by hand. Her incompetency is played for comedy while he watches her. Then, like a switch, he likes her. Seriously, when did he start liking that side of her?

And Anna doesn’t even appear to feel that way towards Krisotff until Olaf basically tells her Kristoff did all that nice stuff for her, so the implication is that she HAS to return his feelings. If she weren’t dying at that very moment, I don’t think that would be an option for her. 

They Helped You, You Owe Them!

This theme of “they saved your life, you owe them!” also applies to Iduna and Agnarr, no matter whether or not the latter remembers this because it’s a narrative implication. The person who sacrifices their life for you or does nice stuff for you, should be your true love/or platonically they love you without strings. But only if they have no ill intentions. 

As if people in general are somehow mind readers who can tell when people are fooling them. As Hans character proves, this is a very faulty line of thinking. You shouldn’t owe someone love because they do nice stuff for you, and you might never know what someone’s motivations are until it’s too late. 

It feels like this notion of romance is very skewed in favor of what the story wants. Iduna can give away the only life she knew for someone she just met, but not Anna. Iduna is portrayed as selfless because she did it for Agnarr, while Anna is selfish because she did it for herself, a child neglect and in a lonely environment. 

Convenience for Male Love Interests To Their Detriment and The Preservation of “Good” Royalty

I find it strange that Frozen and Frozen 2 seem to be centered on what’s the most convenient for male love interests, regardless of whether or not they are fully rounded or compelling. 

And this doesn’t even mean that it’s to their benefit, but to their convenience because it actually does way more damage to be given things by the story rather than making them fully fleshed out characters. 

Kristoff’s Convenience Destroyed His Character

Kristoff likes Anna, so the story is twisted in a way that benefits him so he is the one Anna ends up with. 

Consequently, because his story arc is considered done he is reduced to comedic relief to keep him relevant, even when he’s not needed. Both Kristoff and Agnarr are given superficial amounts of “background” through the barest minimum, but only because it is a means to an end to convey a point. 

Kristoff and Anna go through the basic boyfriend introducing girlfriend to family, (even though she is already engaged to someone else) bit. They interact with Rock Trolls, have banter with them in a wasteful song. And he talks to his reindeer. These points are necessary within a modern dating context, but they do very little to provide a deeper insight into his character that would him a better option than Hans. Things like who he truly is as a person is stripped to what is needed by the story because we are already supposed to like him by virtue that he isn’t Hans. 

In fact, because we know so little about him, his characterization can change on a whim from a gruff loner to perfect boyfriend who’s entire identity is “I’m Anna’s Fiancé, look at me do goofy things!” as demonstrated by Frozen Fever and Frozen 2. Frozen 2 actually tells on itself when they include lines like “Who am I if I’m not your (Anna’s) guy?” And that is a good question. Who is Kristoff without Anna? Who is he really?

And I know that the story uses Krist*nna as a way of perpetuating the idea of not diving into a relationship with someone you literally just met, but it’s obvious that Anna does EXACTLY that, just with someone the story approves of. She and Kristoff are making out within probably a day of the end of the movie.

You can’t tell me they let Hans and the Duke of Weasleton stay for weeks between their attempted assassination of royalty. Kristoff and Anna moved WAY too fast.

Agnarr’s Convenience and Position as “Good Royalty”

Like Kristoff, Agnarr’s position as the good successor to his idiot father Runeard, is considered essential to his characterization. Good, of course, being relative. He was “slightly less of a bastard,” and therefore, better.  

But you can’t make a character by saying who they AREN’T. You need to show who they ARE. And saying  “well, he could’ve been worse to Elsa” is no excuse. And Runeard in a league on his own, being the stupid dumbass he was. 

Agnarr, by the definition of the story, needed to live so he could be the good king. And meant that Iduna had to sacrifice herself for his convenience.  

Out of both parents, Agnarr is given the most screen time and dialogue. His convenience and inability to love Elsa correctly motivates him and Iduna to force her to conceal her powers.  All the problems that arise in the story are due to him introducing the gloves to Elsa, and he and by extension Iduna are the basis on the conflict. 

I say an extension because she almost a complete nonfactor of a character in the original Frozen movie. She is given maybe two lines, tops. She is still accountable, though, for the hot mess that is called Elsa’s upbringing. 

But it’s also worth noting that the second movie expands her character and background. She is given more screen time, dialogue, and songs relating to her character. And it’s still very centered on her love for Agnarr, which is portrayed as a positive influence on her despite him being the main source of her leaving her community and keeping her identity as secret. It doesn’t really feel romantic when she basically has to live in fear to keep him on the throne. 

Iduna and the Boy She Just Met

Iduna’s character is motivated to leave her people for a boy she just met. This goes against the very themes of Frozen, but not really upon closer inspection. It’s mostly about the convenience of “good” royalty, and he’s Agnarr so he’s special. 

Not special enough to give him a fully rounded character, but special in the sense that he is considered a better alternative. As I’ve said before, his characterization is mostly based on the idea of him being the lesser of two evils. 

His convenience is placed above Iduna’s safety. The questions of where she lived during her time in Arendelle, who took care of her, how she navigated this life as a child and still felt comfortable being with the person who is the prince of colonialistic nation is considered almost a nonfactor. It is meant to evoke sympathy, but not outrage at her circumstances that left her basically without a support network. 

She is praised as sefless for saving Agnarr at the expense of herself. And she is rewarded with his love, which apparently totally worth losing so much.

Final Thoughts

I’m not really sure how Frozen will navigate it’s themes in future installments. However, without significant changes and a reevaluation of what it wants to say, it’s ultimate impact on audiences will leave them questioning if Frozen’s desire to convey unconditional love actually comes with strings attached. 

[blitzturtles]

Title: It Starts Like This, Ch. 4/7ish

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind

Pairing(s): BruAbba, Platonic Bucci Gang

Summary: Leone stays with him almost twenty-four-seven, and he seems to absorb the information better than Bucciarati. Probably because he isn’t trying to find escape routes or attempting to dig his way out of flashbacks while some new medication zaps him of his energy. Still, Bucciarati is grateful. He can’t do this alone, loathe as he is to admit it.

Notes: Turns out being dead has a bit of a long term effect. Who would have thought?

This fic got away from me, so I'm breaking it down by character interaction (sort of). This was supposed to be Nara's chapter, but that will be the next one. Instead, have some Bruno-centric chapter in this Bruno-centric fic.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

-

The next three days are something of a blur for Bucciarati. He refuses to be admitted, which complicates matters a bit. The neurologist starts him on a new medication and tells him that it can take days or weeks before they can be sure whether it works or not. There’s something called a ‘steady state’ that can take up to three weeks, though the doctor claims that Bucciarati will know sooner than that whether the medication-- it has a name that’s long and unpronounceable in Bucciarati’s opinion-- works for him.

And that’s the other thing. There’s a learning curve here that Bucciarati can barely keep up with. He hadn’t finished secondary, for fuck’s sake, and they talk at him like he has a clue about anything they’re saying. He hasn’t felt self-conscious about his lack of education in years, but he wants to pull his hair out and snap at them, ‘I joined the mafia at twelve, I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

If he’s being honest, part of it is the fog that doesn’t lift from his brain until the third day. Simple tasks seem so much more complicated than they ever have before, and he doesn’t know how to cope with that. He’s been independent for as long as he can remember, making decisions beyond his years even before his father had been shot. He’s quick to adapt and intelligent regardless of his education, but he feels like a child now.

The other part, he knows, is his anxiety and past experiences. The memories all of this dredge up every time he steps foot in the hospital. It’s the reason he can’t handle staying overnight, and he knows that’s dragging the whole process out longer, but what else can he do?

Leone stays with him almost twenty-four-seven, and he seems to absorb the information better than Bucciarati. Probably because he isn’t trying to find escape routes or attempting to dig his way out of flashbacks while some new medication zaps him of his energy. Still, Bucciarati is grateful. He can’t do this alone, loathe as he is to admit it. He needs the help.

And then there’s Panna, who approaches the problem the way he always has: by throwing himself into research. He pulls every medical book they possess in the library and buys several more when he thinks Bucciarati isn’t paying attention. His brain might be moving slower than he’d like, but he does notice the stack of Fugo’s getting taller.

It’s helpful. To have Pannacotta. Bucciarati knows where he can go when he doesn’t understand something. He hasn’t, yet, but he might eventually. For the most part, Pannacotta offers him information in a way that presents as the younger simply sharing his research, and not as Pannacotta reading Bucciarati the way he does his medical texts.

He tries not to get irritated with either of them. To find only the endearing parts of what they’re doing. They only want to take care of him, in their ways, and it isn’t just those two. They tend to be more hands on, but it’s the whole group that shifts their behavior around him.

Giorno’s eyes always linger, in his off time, and he hasn’t called on Bucciarati for consulting, which means he’s working Polnareff more. Bucciarati wants to point out that Polnareff’s own health isn’t anything spectacular, but that isn’t his place.

Mista might be the closest to normal, though the Pistols betray his inner worries. He can barely have them out with Bucciarati without them attaching themselves to him. He doesn’t mind it as much at face value. They’re being affectionate, but the root of why is what agitates him a bit.

Narancia is anxious around him. He does his best to hide it, but he’s clearly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Bucciarati hopes that it doesn’t. Hopes that Narancia doesn’t have to deal with the fallout of another seizure, but he can’t guarantee that.

Trish… Trish is avoiding him entirely. Bucciarati suspects that he knows why, but he tries to give her space for now.

Fugo is the most reasonable, despite his research. Or possibly because of it. Bucciarati is so used to that being Fugo's coping mechanism that it doesn’t actually bother him. Fugo collects information the way some people collect trading cards. His intelligence is the one thing he’s always been consistently praised for, and he has a habit of leaning into it even now. Besides that, it keeps his mind occupied, and gives him something to infodump about later. When he feels comfortable with the person he’s with.

And then there’s Leone. While his presence is appreciated, it’s a constant reminder that there’s something wrong. The love between them is indisputable, but Bucciarati is nothing if not independent. He’s feeling far from that now, though he understands. He isn’t an unreasonable man. He would do the same if Abbacchio were in the same position as himself. He does, in fact, when Leone’s lung is inflamed or his chest wall is spasming ceaselessly. But, right now, it’s serving as a reminder of everything that is wrong. Everything that has changed, right underneath his feet.

There’s some frustration in the fact that he hasn’t had a seizure since they induced the three in the hospital. It makes all of this seem blown completely out of proportion, and he wants to forget that it’s a problem, but the neurologist had been sure to let him know that the lack of seizures doesn’t mean a lack of epilepsy-- and it is epilepsy; the tests say as much. What it actually means is that his baseline seizure activity may be sporadic, or it could mean that the medication is doing its job. Either way, it’s impossible to tell without more time and possibly more tests; the latter of which Bucciarati refuses for the time being.

It’s on the fourth day that he finally convinces Leone to go back to work. The investigations division needs him, even if he only goes into his physical office for a couple of hours a day. The rest can be done from his laptop, but there are meetings to be had and reports to be taken. He can’t completely neglect his work, and Bucciarati refuses to be the reason for any additional stress on his partner.

Which is how he finds himself alone, in the library at the group’s shared home, when he smells popcorn burning.

[masterthespianduchovny]

Not Lovers, Not Friends, but Maybe Twin Flames

As much as the pro Gillovny crowd and the antis argue what Gillian and David are and aren’t, one thing remains true: not even the two in question can adequately describe their history and bond.

It’s something that just is.

They’ve both stated that they’ve tried to fight this thing, they’ve tried to turn it off, but it won’t die. They can’t sever the bond that made them famous. David and Gillian had to work through a lot of shit to get where they are and, even then, who is to say they’ve worked through everything.

When I read the article about Gillian describing her life when she was 28, one of the words she used stuck out as peculiar to me. Gillian said she and David had to work on their issues in a metaphysical way.

This is a recurrent thing with them. In so many words, they’ve described their bond as otherworldly--something beyond even them.

And maybe that is why their friendship seems lacking and that they come off as lovers even though they aren’t.

David and Gillian are twin flames.

The concept of twin flames differs from soul mates because 1. asserts one soul is split into separate bodies. 2. It’s not about love, it’s about truth.

Because this concept fascinating, I dig some digging and found some thoughts on it.

A Twin Flame, or Twin Soul, is a person who you feel connected to not just on a physical and emotional level, but also on a soulful or spiritual level.

“Twin flames can often cause radical personal awakenings for one another because they can see straight through to one another.”

AND

“Twin flames are intense and challenging relationships that force us to deal with our unresolved issues and become a bigger person.”

I know antis are rolling their eyes and firing up hate anons, but have you ever just connected to someone in a way that you can’t explain? This meeting, this bond, regardless of if you’re getting along or are butting heads, is one of the most intense relationships you’ve ever experienced. You don’t know why this person has such an impact on you, they just do. And it doesn’t have to be romantic, it can be platonic, or standing on the precipice of something you can’t explain, but this connection transcends relationships.

I’m not arguing that these two are in love and destined to be together. They aren't soul mates. But, they’re two parts of a whole and, in the past, they clashed so much because they saw through one another but never had time to deal with each other. When they were upset at one another, they were either being passive aggressive or saying biting remarks.

But, when they got along, they really got along. Not like besties, but two who clearly enjoyed each other on some time of level that was more than two colleagues goofing around.

Post the original run, I believe both David and Gillian have used the words intense and challenging or variations of it to describe their relationship. They’ve stated after time and space, they’ve gained an appreciation for each other and their words to one another have been kind, thoughtful, and considerate.

And...we see shit like this: 

This entire interview:

There is a closeness, an intimacy that people who are just work colleagues or just acquaintances don’t have. These aren’t the actions or behaviors of people who currently (👀) hate each other.

In the pic, Gillian doesn’t look uncomfortable or think twice when David does shit like biting her shirt. Most people would look at the other like they were crazy and Gillian doesn’t pay any mind to it. 

In the first gif, Gillian leans her his forward and David casually grabs it and pulls her forwards to sign the shirt. Interestingly, once again, Gillian doesn’t think twice and just goes with it. How many people do you know who’d feel comfortable doing that from either Gillian or David’s position? It’s what two people who are close in some capacity would do--two people who feel comfortable around each other.

For the second gif, that entire Jimmy Kimmel interview is wild as hell. Like, if you know you know. But, one of the things that stands out the most to me isn’t what they said or did, but Jimmy’s observance:

Jimmy: I’m surprised at how friendly you guys were and are. I was under the impression that you guys didn't like each other when you were shooting the show. Gillian: You mean friendly to each other?  J: YEAH, friendly to each other--very friendly to each other.  G: Well, you made us, like, have sex.  J: Well, yeah...I’m talking about even off camera.  G: We don’t usually do that every show. *referring to having sex on camera* J: There was a lot of camaraderie there it seems like.  G: It is. 

Jimmy goes down this line of questioning because he is absolutely BAFFLED by how friendly they're being towards each other. And, as stated above, it was even off camera. He goes on to have them clarify that he was’t mistaken about them not getting along at times when the show was on air, which they confirm.

Later on, Jimmy flat out says, “What the hell is going on between you two?”

Keep in mind, this line of questioning is about one of the reasons they butted heads back in he 90s and neither David or Gillian are uncomfortable or dodgy. They’re relaxed, happy, giggly and all over each other while talking. Jimmy is honestly perplexed because none of this matches up with what he heard and what they literally just confirmed. I’m honestly curious as to what Jimmy was thinking, but would’t say.

And, as usual, there is a lot of touching that neither are actively thinking about. Just two people having fun talking about how they had a tense relationship back then.

Antis will say that this is PR, which, of course it was. But, what they mean is them getting along is an act. I’ve said once before and I’ll say it again, if people think that DD and GA getting along is acting, they’re ALWAYS acting. As a reminder, Jimmy himself noted that even when they cameras weren’t rolling, these two were incredibly friendly to one another. This isn’t just something he noticed, it was something he felt compelled to remark to them. It’s absolutely absurd to think even non recorded interactions between them when they aren’t working is acting. Why in the hell weren’t they acting back in the 90′s when they were throwing shots and being passive aggressive towards each other?

I honestly think it's irrelevant if they’re friends or lovers because their bond is so much deeper than that regardless if they talk every day or every three years. And I believe that people who are adamant that Gillian hates David are full of shit. That pic is from 2016, the first gif 2018, and the last gif 2016.

They’ve supported one another’s work endeavors outside of the X-Files and even did an X-Files zoom event together just last year. Gillian even asked Dvid to participate in her charity even last year as well.

These are two people who’ve made peace. They most definitely still have their issues (most likely not what antis claim because they love projecting their issues as issues Gillian has), but that’s for them to work through just like everyone else. David and Gillian are in a good place at the moment even when we don’t see them interacting. The detractors just need to deal with the fact that they are the only ones holding onto their past and making up shit that doesn’t exist. Just because they are in a better place doesn’t mean they won’t disagree at times. But, Gillian and David love, care, and respect one another and that’s the only thing that matters.

[genesisrose74]

um hello 😳 I would like to request a fic 🥴 uhM could I get a (general, platonic lol) fukurodani with a shy third year manager? with like a subtle bokuto x manger 😳 ? oh and one day, the manager builds up the courage to give them a very quiet but motivational speech ? (bonus poiNts if they’re like,,, “protective” over them ahaha 🥴) anyways uh,, ty ty ! 😳 - @your-local-bnha-writer // bean ! ☺️

Okay first off thank you for being my first ever ask and second I ADORE THAT! Here you are darling, hope I did something to your liking!

The school halls of Fukurodani Academy bustles with activity, students hurrying to start their weekend after leaving the campus grounds. Well, all but yourself. You were zipping up your backpack and preparing to make a beeline towards one of your favorite places on campus. As the manager of Fukurodani’s volleyball team, you always made it a rule to be standing in the practice gym on time, note taking clipboard in hand and first aid kit slotted neatly between the legs of your chair. God knows you needed one (or three) on hand. Today, you were running a bit behind after being chosen to clean up the room, so you felt ready to hightail it across school.

However, you were stopped in the doorway of your now empty classroom, effectively halting your movements to get to team practice. You recognized the figure in front of you as one of your fellow third year students from the class down the hall - quite a popular soccer player if you were remembering correctly - but you internally panicked when you couldn’t put a name to the face.

“Hey, you’re the one who scored super high on the midterms a while back, right?” He asks, and you nod, feeling a little impatient but too timid to excuse yourself.

He didn’t seem to notice your antsy behavior, however, a grin widening on his face as he leaned closer to you in eagerness. Your lungs squeeze in your chest with his proximity.

“That’s super awesome! Do you think that, maybe you could tutor me sometime?”

Social interaction was something you were not very skilled at. While many people had asked you before for after school help and such, it was usually over text or around your friends, where you felt a bit more comfortable. Usually they would understand and politely go on their way. Yet now, you were having trouble conversing with this guy, let alone tutoring him, and there was no one else you knew in sight to help explain as you only became more fidgety.

“Well, I’m really sorry,” you clasp your hands in front of you, looking down as you fiddle with your fingers, “but I don’t think I can tutor anyone currently.”

The boy tilts his head, eyebrows furrowing. “But I thought you tutored Bokuto. Why not me?”

Your eyes widen. Now it looks like you’re just turning this guy down because you don’t like him, doesn’t it? “Oh, Bokuto is…” how do I explain?

Not many people knew that you were the manager of Fukurodani’s volleyball team. Such a lively sport and an even rowdier team didn’t seem like a very fitting place for someone as reserved as yourself. If they did know that, they might be able to see the large chunk of time it took up in your schedule, not leaving much room for everything else. Bokuto was an exception for tutoring, because you would help him out in the club room after practice, but that was really all you had time for.

Maybe if you could explain that, this boy might understand. Yet he was so close to your personal space, it was making it more difficult to speak than usual.

How long have you both been standing here? You’re already late for practice at this point.

“Did I do something that made you upset? Or are you just interested in Bokuto or something?” the third year presses.

Your body jolts at his inquiries, voice a bit higher pitched than before when you answer. “N-no! It’s not like that!”

“Then what’s the issue?” he leans forward even more, and now you can’t tell if he’s intentionally trying to be nosy or if he’s just being inquisitive. It doesn’t matter to you as you keep stumbling over your words.

“She’s our manager, that’s the issue,” a voice speaks up behind the unnamed boy, and your shoulders loosen up when you recognize the new presence to be Akaashi. There’s another figure beside him, his trademark hairstyle easily identifiable, and he only makes you feel more at ease.

Bokuto is next to you in a moment, already in his practice gear. You look up at him with confusion written on your features, eyes conveying a silent question of why are you here?

“You’re never late,” he explains with an easy grin. “So we wanted to check up on you.”

His hand is on your arm as Bokuto gently guides you over to the open hall, watching as Akaashi explains your occupation as their manager to the third year from earlier. As impassive as the setter is while he speaks, the male he’s talking to does not look very secure under the hardened stare of the Fukurodani captain beside you.

Before you can properly register or wave it off, the boy apologizes profusely to you before scurrying out of the building as quick as he can. Akaashi turns to you with a soft smile, although the rest of his posture expresses concern. “Are you alright?”

“I’m okay,” you confirm. “I don’t think he was trying to be pushy on purpose.”

“Still,” Bokuto speaks up, unusually serious, “he shouldn’t have kept getting that close to you. It was clearly making you uncomfortable.”

His mood suddenly shifts when he looks into your eyes, voice energized and inviting as he juts his thumb over his shoulder in the now less-crowded hall. “Want to get to practice now?”

A nod is all the setter and spiker duo need to string you along on their trek back to the gym. Akaashi is relatively quiet, sometimes throwing his two cents in but mostly letting Bokuto take the lead on conversation. The second year offers you a stick of Pocky that you gladly accept, laughing gently about something Bokuto said in his class that afternoon. When you all reach the entrance of the gym, there’s no longer tension in your body, and your heart warms when you spot the entire team waiting for you to arrive.

Komi, who’s in your classroom, greets you with a somewhat guilty expression when you enter. “I didn’t realize you got stuck with clean up or I would have stayed behind to help.”

You shake your head at the sentiment. “It’s alright, you would have been cutting it close getting here.”

The rest of the boys wave at you, sharing their concern for your whereabouts when you weren’t in the gym on time. You can’t help but shy away a bit from the attention, but a smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you help set up with the knowledge that your team truly cared for you.

While you’d only known some players on the team for less than a year now, it already felt like they were part of the close friends you had accumulated over your last three years in the volleyball club. As much as it seemed out of character for you to be open to such an unruly team and their sport, it was one of the places that you felt the most comfortable. Leaving the job behind you when the time came later in the year was something you hated dwelling on, as you knew it would be one of the hardest things to let go of.

Konoha hitting that line shot just right, Washio and Onaga high fiving after stuffing a block, Komi spitting out his water in laughter when Saru completely botched his jump serve. Things so trivial, but the moments that you’d remember for a long time coming.

Of course, you’d stay in touch with your team, especially the third years with which you’d spent so many memories. But you wanted to give them something to remember you by, something to convey how special your three years with them had been. It was difficult, though, seeing as you were more soft spoken than others. It felt like a hindrance on how much appreciation you could show your team, even more so when there were so many kind and outgoing members who could brighten your day in an instant. You could barely even muster up the courage to speak to the whole team at once, despite the progress you had made with being more sociable during your time in the club.

So what could you do?

“Someone looks happier,” Bokuto notes, snapping you out of your thoughts. He takes a seat on a folding chair beside you, drinking his water while giving you the side eye.

You hum in agreement with his observation, and the captain sports another one of his easy smiles, although his eyes seem more affectionate this time around. “I’m glad.”

Your cheeks turn rosy whenever he looks at you like that, and you’re hoping he just thinks it’s a product of your shyness, regardless of the fact that you feel the most confident and outgoing whenever said third year is around. Fortunately for you, he doesn’t seem to notice it, instead standing to rummage through his bag behind the set of chairs.

A large piece of fabric is placed around your shoulders, which you notice to be Bokuto’s team jacket as it covers you. You push your arms through the jacket sleeves, much too over-sized for your figure, but you’re very much content as it instantly warms you up.

“You always forget yours,” he chides, although his sweet smile betrays his scolding tone. “I’m starting to think you like mine better.”

“Mine’s in my locker, which I never go past cause I’m always rushing here,” you mumble, looking away from him in embarrassment.

It had become a very usual habit of yours to take the captain’s jacket during practices, and it was even more common in the past year as you’d grown even closer to him. It was just so comfy and big on you, not to mention it smelled like him.

Hahahaha what-

Bokuto falters for a moment when you glance back up at him, sweater paws adjusting the clothing to look less awkward on your sitting form. He feels his heart skip a beat when you give him an appreciative half-smile. “Thanks.”

The ace clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck, becoming the shyer one in that moment as his gaze falls on anything but you. “Yeah, no problem.”

While the Fukurodani captain returns to his place on the court for an end of practice scrimmage, you take the time to look around the group of players you’d come to know and love so much. The final regular season tournament was closing in quicker than you hoped, and then it might very well be time to say goodbye. Still, you felt only a content warmth as you watched your team - from the jacket around your shoulders or from something else, you weren’t sure - as you came to a decision.

You were going to give the best damn pep talk that your boys have ever heard.

For the remainder of practice you sat in that same folding chair, clipboard in hand and first aid kit between your feet, and you scribbled the hell out of your notes. Every draft would start off strong, and you felt good about the direction of what you wanted to say, but then you hadn’t the slightest clue of how to convey your next message in the following sentence. Nothing flowed correctly or seemed good enough, so you scratched out your words and started again. That cycle continues for what seems like forever, and before you know it, the sounds of team encouragement and sneakers squeaking on the floor no longer fill your ears.

You jump a bit after registering the team calling you over for a quick huddle, scurrying beside Coach Yamiji as you freak out over the fact that practice is already over.

Shit, shit, shit. Not enough time.

Coach discusses the upcoming tournament with everyone, but you’re falling in and out of focus, frantically tapping a pen on the clipboard in your grasp. There was practically nothing you could use on it’s pages, everything either scratched out or just not even completed. The concrete resolve you had built up beforehand felt as if it were falling away like eroding sand while insecurity bubbled up inside. If it weren’t for the intense focus the boys were putting into today’s post-practice talk, a few might have noticed your fidgety demeanor, but the meeting felt much too quick until it was already time for the last cheer.

Did the moment really pass away?

Worry on what to say fell away into disappointment as each team member joined their hands in. Maybe you should just leave it be.

But your own, jacket-covered hands hesitated to meet in the middle, instead reaching out to the side and grabbing at an unassuming Akaashi.

No. That’s the only thing that crossed your mind once the doubts passed through. You tug at the setter’s practice shirt a bit, the second year looking over to you with curiosity. Bokuto also looks your way, and the rest of the team follows suit when they realize their captain-vice captain duo have their attention captured. Hands drop from the middle of the circle as you make no move to include yours.

“You alright?” Akaashi asks, face impassive except for his worried eyes.

You nod, taking in a breath as you scan the group of inquisitive boys. “I’m fine. I just - c-could I say something?”

Your voice barely raises above a murmur when addressing the team, but the widened eyes of each member indicates that everyone heard you. The shake out of their surprise quickly, though, expressions encouraging of your request.

“Of course you can, y/n!” Bokuto animatedly supports with a huge grin. “Go ahead, team manager!”

A smile of your own tugs at your lips, the captain’s boisterous attitude easing your nervousness. You hug the scribbled upon clipboard to your chest as you start, knowing for a fact that your words wouldn’t be written anywhere on there.

“I just wanted to say…” your voice is soft but sure as you begin, “I wanted to let you know, how much you all inspire me. It’s kind of scary thinking that this next tournament might be my last one with you, but I’m really confident that you will give it your all - and probably even more - to make sure we keep our time together going.

“Our school banner says to put your heart and soul into each ball, which I think you’ve always done, so that’s all you can ask of yourselves. Be proud, and show off, and maybe we can show the whole country this team that I’m so happy to be a part of. I-I don’t care what happens, but just promise me...that you’ll give it your best?”

Every person in the gym is silent as they listen to you, eyes ironically owlish while you give the first major pep talk of your three year managerial career. If you looked closer, you would have noticed the glassiness of their stares that hinted at oncoming waterworks, some of the boys biting the insides of their cheeks to keep themselves together. You can’t tell if the dead quiet is due to your awkward speech or not, so you attempt to wrap things up.

“Uhm, I’m being pretty cliche right now, so I’ll stop here...” your voice drops off, but it’s hardly noticeable to the guys at this point. The distinct sounds of sniffling reaches your ears, and it’s then when you realize that nearly the entire group appears emotional.

Komi, being one of the more outspoken players on the team, is the first one to truly pipe up, voice uncharacteristically cracking when he asks, “Is it alright to hug?”

Your cheeks grow warm with the question, your own eyes welling up as you choke out a small laugh. “Yeah, go on ahead if you want.”

The entire team engulfs you in a big, emotional, quite sweaty sandwich of a group hug, but you don’t mind the perspiration or the proximity at the moment. The third years were quickest to embrace you, their tears staining Bokuto’s jacket that you still wore - the ace’s own most definitely among them.

“That was so beautiful!” said captain wails, a blubbering mess as he hugs your waist tightly. A number of the boys share a similar emotional state, Sarukui, Anahori, and Komi spouting ‘we love you, manager!’ like it’s the only words they can remember. Akaashi gives you a light squeeze around the shoulders, while simultaneously trying to calm down the bawling squad around him. Even Washio, ever the silent one, has a gentle hand on your back in the mess of an embrace. “Thank you,” is all he says, but the phrase is more than enough to warm your heart further.

When everyone manages to peel away from the group hug eventually, wiping at teary eyes and runny noses, Bokuto takes the reins. He’s got one arm slung across your shoulders, the other one curling his hand into a fist.

“Alright team, let’s give it our best!!” the captain declares, his watery smile paired with the boys’ shaky resounding cry spurring a laugh from your throat.

Overall, a pretty great first pep talk with a pretty darn great team. If you were lucky enough, maybe there might be a few more in your future, but if not, you felt perfectly content with your time spent. From the reaction you got, your boys seemed to agree.

[shinneth]

Spill the tea on Stevinel (just because I saw one for conniverse) And yes, I'm not on Anonymous. Because I'm a proud stevinel shipper and no one's going to stop me from loving it, also your blog is cool

And you know what? That’s the right attitude to have! People should be free to express what they ship without shielding themselves with anonymity. I don’t blame the people that do these days - antis are fucking dangerous people - but goddamn, people. It’s fiction. 

So I commend you for shipping Stevinel openly and proudly! Hard to believe it’s actually considered a bold and brave move just to be open and honest about harmless preferences these days. 

That said, I’m sorry it took so long to get to this. I felt you deserved an epic, given how unexpectedly successful my tirade on why Connverse is a shit ship with an undeserved golden reputation was...

But the truth is, even though I’m very much a Stevinel shipper, it’s definitely not my OTP.

And it’s very tricky for me to figure out how to spill the tea on Stevinel in a way that’s distinct from me doing the same with Stevidot.

Because, well, let’s face it: these two ships, beyond being very similar in nature, have also endured identical hardships from the fandom.

All the death threats Stevinel fans get from the raging antis for daring to ship something so “problematic/immoral/wrong/not Connverse”? 

Stevidot fans have been treated that exact same way for years. And still are. For the exact same reasons.

Both Stevinel and Stevidot shippers are valid, but the fandom constantly turns a blind eye to Rebecca Sugar’s husband who also worked on the show outright saying gem x human ships are FAIR GAME.

And also turn a blind eye to the recent interview where Sugar herself stated that the gems are more like AI - a conclusion I and many others deduced ages ago just by how gems are portrayed in the show. 

But by god, they’ll hang on Matt Burnett’s word that “grown gems” are a thing even though canon itself explicitly states that GEMS DON’T GROW.

Just like how despite Maya Petersen outright admitting that Aroace!Peridot is just her headcanon, people treat it like the fucking gospel now.

(no offense to anyone who’s committed to that particular headcanon - I just don’t really see it with Peridot in particular and it’s really fucking stupid to claim it’s 100% canon when the source herself explicitly said it wasn’t)

Well, it’s canon that Spinel kissed Steven and he didn’t turn into dust. And Steven was already well on his way down the path of self-destruction at this point in time; he would’ve gone monster whether this happened or not. 

Also, how often does a character get the “heart eyes” expression for just a platonic love?

If there was ever a scene where Connie or Steven had heart eyes, no doubt most of the pricks would scream “YES!!!! UNDENIABLE PROOF THAT THEY’RE IN LOVE!!!”

But when it’s Spinel, suddenly it doesn’t count? Really?

How convenient.

There’s also the stupid idiots who saw the conceptual development of Spinel in that movie artbook and saw some vague color keys during a conceptual stage and claimed that Spinel was “family” to Steven - which of course must mean “related” and therefore must make Stevinel an incestuous relationship! 

Which is bull. Also shit. It’s already common knowledge that gems don’t work that way. She was the designated playmate for Steven’s mother. Nothing more.

Of course, most gems who come in Steven’s orbit end up being sort of a family to him. 

But everyone seems to have this impression that a gem being part of Steven’s family means they become additional surrogate mom figures.

And yeah no, that’s dumb and wrong. Garnet and Pearl are really the only ones I’d consider actual “mom figures”. Amethyst’s more of a big sister. Everyone else can vary depending on perspective, but I’ve never seen any of the other gems as anything close to a motherly figure for Steven. Any time I see shit about Lapis or Peridot being regarded as “gem moms” to Steven, I laugh my ass off. They are so not moms or any kind of authoritative figure for Steven. Bismuth at best is more of the fun-loving aunt.

There are more roles in a family than just a paternal/maternal substitute. In fact, I believe Steven has considered Connie to be part of his family well before they hooked up in canon.

(as a side-note, I love how people who are allegedly SO squicked out by age gap ships totally pardon Connverse - you guys realize Connie was 14 in Future, right? Possibly 15 depending on the time scale? There’s gonna be a point in the relative near future where Steven is 18 and Connie isn’t - why don’t I hear you assholes angst about that “atrocity”, huh?)

I honestly do consider the CG B-Team as part of Steven’s family, but more in a loose sense. But by that same token, I consider Connie as part of the family in a similar manner. 

Especially since Spinel was shoved off to live with the Diamonds after the movie - and the Diamonds themselves have a very fucked-up relationship among themselves to the point where I honestly hesitate to put a familial label on it at all - it’s extra stupid to try and paint Stevinel as something with incestuous overtones when it clearly doesn’t. 

Spinel does happen to be a perfect representative of how full of shit antis are about age gaps, though. 

While Peridot’s age has always been left vague, we know she can’t be 5K or older due to being an Era 2 gem. Due to her utter lack of knowledge of Era 1 events (or being completely sold on the Diamonds’ propaganda) and her general inexperience with her own equipment - as well as her ability to quickly adapt to Earth - I always headcanoned Peridot as being especially young. Like, younger-than-Steven young. 

Mostly because Peri’s attitude reeks of Gen Z - also because it’d be nice for a change to have a gem who isn’t thousands of years old like literally every other noteworthy gem in the show. We need a representative of gemkind who hasn’t been around for ages. 

Of course, Spinel’s backstory proves that even if they went the boring route and made Peridot thousands of years old just like everybody else, it wouldn’t really mean much of anything. She’d be no less of a valid romantic option for Steven regardless of age.

Spinel is several thousands of years old, and the movie explicitly shows us what exactly that amounts to for a gem.

As I mentioned earlier, Sugar sees the gems more like AI. Spinel remaining in one spot for several millennnia, not moving an inch, not speaking to anyone, not seeing anything other than a gradually-deteriorating garden... yeah, and somehow, despite all that, Spinel’s still very childlike per her design. She had literally no room to mature or accrue life experience: Pink Diamond basically hit the pause button on her entire life.

Even though she’s several thousands of years old, through no fault of her own, Spinel’s mindset remained unchanged. It wasn’t until Steven inadvertently came into her life that she became twisted - understandably so after finally realizing she’d been abandoned by Pink. 

But she still didn’t completely lose her true self. Spinel realized on her own that Steven didn’t deserve to suffer just because his mom was a negligent asshole. She also came to understand on her own that unlike Pink, Steven truly cared for her no matter what shit she threw his way. 

Steven could give Spinel the care and attention she always deserved; something Pink totally denied her while deceiving her into wasting away with her abandoned playground. He could be the one to give Spinel the love she always deserved but was either denied or manipulated into believing she got. 

Honestly, this is more than enough to warrant building something more between these two. 

The age gap is irrelevant. The two have chemistry. They aren’t related.

(and honestly, this is fiction - these details are largely irrelevant in fiction anyway. I’m only bringing it up because it doesn’t take much research to find that every label the antis put on Stevinel is complete inaccurate Diamond propaganda bullshit)

Stevinel is FINE. Let people ship it if they want to!

Um... is that good enough?

Honestly, I’m not gonna lie: Stevinel’s pretty goddamned popular; so much that I’m a bit jealous of it. I enjoy the ship a lot, but I’ve been keeping it at arms-length all this time. I’m looking forward to when I can write my own brand of Stevinel interaction when I get to introduce her in my series, but that’s still a while to go. 

Also, there’s almost zero Peridot/Spinel material, let alone my Peridot/Steven/Spinel OT3. And Stevidot material is still hard to come by; I’m noticing Stevinel’s still quite a bit easier to find by comparison. 

So in a way, I feel many other unpopular ships deserve some tea-spilling sooner than Stevinel because Stevinel at least still has a sizable fanbase. Same can’t really be said for a lot of similar ships here...

A lot of this can apply to other Steven x gem ships, honestly. 

But I guess I haven’t been showing Stevinel much proper love due to my devotion to my superior SU-AU. I can only hope I can soon reach a point where I can have GA Spinel react to Steven, since their dynamic will be significantly different.

(and then one day I’ll finally make the Peridot/Steven/Spinel OT3 fic!!)

Until then, I can only hope I did Stevinel some justice here!