#KuroFai fanfiction

[hanneswrites]

Title: it's warm and real and bright

Pairing: Kurogane/Fai

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Post-Canon AU where Kurogane & Fai settle down in Nihon Country after the final battle with Fei-Wong Reed. Fai & Kurogane have been working on resettling Suwa for nearly a year when Fai comes to some sudden realizations. Resettled Suwa AU. [Written for KuroFai Olympics 2022, Team Blessed, Prompt: I See the Light]

[Read on Ao3]

Kurogane presses a hand into the small of his back and Fai stops, hands stilling almost instantly in the air in front of him. The glowing runes encircling his fingers flicker with barely-kept magic as Fai turns his head to look at him, only to be met with a weary and disapproving glare.

“You’ve tweaked it enough for the night,” Kurogane says, in a tone that implies less of a suggestion, more of a command. 

Fai sighs and flexes his fingers, the violet runes dissipating from the air in front of him as he seals off the last of the spell. 

He would typically brush Kurogane off and send him on his way because Kurogane, in reality, knew close to nothing about constructing and maintaining active magical barriers, but this time, he thinks perhaps Kurogane might be right. 

Fai closes his eyes for a moment and rubs a hand over his face. He’s exhausted - has been exhausted for days now. He’s been adjusting the runework on the barrier surrounding Suwa nearly every day since they’d first set foot back in the realm all those months ago. What had started out as a simple and easily-maintainable barrier surrounding their camp while Kurogane and a few of his men began the process of rebuilding had now blossomed into a complex set of runework that bartered protection for what had quickly become a small village. 

It’s only when Fai notices that Kurogane is still standing behind him that he cracks his eyes open once more and turns to face him fully. 

“I’ll be done in a little while,” Fai assures. 

“You’ll be done now,” Kurogane says, and Fai quirks an eyebrow at him.

“Is that an order, my lord ?” He grins when Kurogane scowls at him, and does not protest as Kurogane pushes insistently at his back, leading him toward the hallway where both of their chambers were located.

He stops just before the threshold to Fai’s rooms, his hand still warm against Fai’s back and Fai can practically see him mulling over something in his head as they both stand there silent in the hall. 

Kurogane’s jaw tightens, closing his eyes for a brief moment and huffs out a breath, slowly retracting his hand from Fai’s person. 

He almost seems reluctant to leave me alone, Fai thinks, quickly running through the possibility that Kurogane might be privy to a threat to the realm that he isn’t letting on, but he halts that train of thought almost immediately as Kurogane moves closer once more. Fai nearly stops breathing as Kurogane sets a gentle hand on his shoulder and pulls him close, resting their foreheads against one another for a long moment.   

“Go to sleep,” Kurogane says, and then he turns and vanishes into the shadowed darkness of the hallway. 

----

Kurogane is already gone when Fai wakes in the morning, as he often is, so Fai sets about brewing himself a cup of morning tea before he gets to work on checking and updating the barrier. The seasons are beginning to change outside and Fai is distinctly excited to see what autumn will be like here. The morning air is cool and crisp - a stark contrast to the absolutely sweltering summer he’s had to endure in the last few months. 

When his tea is finished brewing, he takes a few moments to stand outside on the porch and bask in the morning sun, reveling in the pleasant breeze and the lingering scent of fresh cut cedar. Perhaps it would be a good morning to take a walk around the grounds and make sure all of his rune stones were still intact.

He finishes his tea and checks on the runework he’d sealed off last night, tweaking it just a bit more before heading off to his chambers to change for the day. On his way out of the house, while he picks up his logbook, his eye catches on the small bowl of peaches on the kitchen table and he gets an idea. Not five minutes later and he’s out the door, logbook and a small linen-wrapped lunch for Kurogane tucked under his arm.

----

Leaves crunch under his feet as he approaches the worksite Kurogane said he’d be helping with today. The trees surrounding the small village have started to turn a beautiful shade of auburn and Fai can’t help but feel warm, even in the early chill of fall, as he catches sight of Kurogane standing in the shade of one of them - that well-known scowl present on his face as he surveys the parchment in his hands. 

His brow is furrowed, his lips set in a tight line - he looks stressed, Fai thinks, something’s clearly not going according to plan .

“Lunchtime,” Fai calls as he gets close, in the hopes of cheering him up at least a little bit.

“Later,” Kurogane bristles, not even deigning to look up at him. 

“Now,” Fai says, draping himself over Kurogane’s shoulders and dangling the lunch he’s prepared for him in front of his face to obstruct his view of the parchment, “You deserve a break, Kuro-sama.”

Kurogane turns in his arms to face him and Fai shoots him a mischievous grin. He moves to disentangle himself from Kurogane, only to be stopped by a firm hand settling itself on his hip, keeping him in place. And he’s suddenly very distinctly aware of how close Kurogane is to him.

Fai flushes, his cheeks growing hot as Kurogane looks at him, a small smile curving on Kurogane’s lips as he leans down, warm breath ghosting over Fai’s ear. 

“Is that an order, my prince ?” Kurogane says, just barely loud enough for him to hear, and Fai nearly stops breathing. He pulls back abruptly, a nervous chuckle slipping out of him as he smiles back. Kurogane just gives him a long look, still smiling softly as he takes the bag from Fai’s hands.  

He leaves not long after and tries not to notice how Kurogane’s men bow their heads to him as he leaves, almost as if he were also their lord. Fai tries desperately to focus on inspecting the barrier runes for the rest of the afternoon, but instead his thoughts keep circling back to Kurogane - the warmth of his hands, the light in his smile, the rough timbre of his voice. And he does not get much work done for the rest of the morning. 

-- 

Fai hurries back to the house in the early afternoon, tossing his logbook aside as he enters the house, and rushes into the sitting room. Quickly, he settles himself down on the pillow in front of his large oval mirror, swiping his hand along the frame and focusing his magic into his fingertips. It takes a few moments for the mirror-glass to light, warbling indistinctly until his magic finds a familiar connection reaching out to him and latches on. 

Sakura’s face lights up in the mirror and she gives him an enthusiastic wave. Fai lets out a long breath and waves back, grinning as he settles back into his pillows. 

“Fai! It’s so nice to see you again! I’ve missed you!” Sakura says, her voice only slightly distorted by their tenuous connection across dimensions. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Fai chuckles, and they spend a little while catching up.

 “How’s Kurogane been?” Sakura asks, and Fai catches a mischievous glint in her eye - which he chooses to ignore for the time being.

“He’s been busy - it seems like more and more people just keep coming every day,” Fai says, absently glancing over at the runestones he’s left unfinished on the table and wondering if he’ll have enough time to finish them tonight and very much not thinking about Kurogane’s hand on his hip, “He’s been handling it well.”

Sakura gives him a look, like she knows he’s not telling her everything and he just smiles at her placatingly. 

“Has Syaoran visited as of late?” He asks, trying to change the subject. 

Sakura smiles wistfully and Fai notices her worrying the hem of her tunic between her fingers.

“He was able to stay for a day last week, but -” Sakura looks away, a small frown flitting across her face. Fai’s hands instinctively move to reach out to comfort her, as he would have back when they were all together, but he stills them and presses his nails into his palm. 

Sakura does not continue and Fai waits a long moment before unfurling his hands and smoothing them along the hem of his tunic. 

“It’s difficult to be apart from someone you love so dearly,” Fai says, and Sakura looks at him, a sad smile turning up the corners of her lips as her eyes start to water. She nods and closes her eyes, placing one hand over her heart as she takes a deep breath. Fai allows her her silence, patiently waiting for her to compose herself. 

“I suppose that’s why you chose to stay in Nihon,” Sakura says, her voice still a bit rough. 

Fai looks at her, jaw dropping open just the slightest bit. He recovers quickly, laughing. 

“I stayed in Nihon because Kuro-rin didn’t know the first thing about barrier magic and he needed help,” Fai waves a dismissive hand and continues on, “How have your lessons been going, by the way? Has that high mage of yours been treating you well?”

Sakura arches a brow at him, but lets the topic drop.

 ----

Fai ends the call with Sakura with a promise that they’ll talk again soon. Sakura just gives him a knowing smile and waves as he moves his hand over the mirror, the image of her dissipating into the air like smoke. He sits with himself for a few moments, his hands balled up in his lap and his eyes closed, listening to the far-off sounds of the village he and Kurogane had built together. Part of their conversation still sticks with him though.

I chose to stay in Nihon because Kurogane needs my help.

I chose to stay in Nihon because Kurogane asked me to. 

Fai’s eyes slowly open and he stares at his hands as his heart makes a concerted effort to beat itself out of his chest. Kurogane hadn’t asked him to stay, had he? Now that he thinks about it, Fai can’t quite remember a moment in which Kurogane had asked him to stay. 

The three of them - Syaoran, Kurogane, and himself - had landed in Nihon, they’d spent time at the palace together, they’d talked about Syaoran’s plans for his future travels, they’d talked about Kurogane’s plans now that he’d been able to return home for good, and when it came time for Syaoran to move on, Fai had just…stayed. It hadn’t been until after Syaoran left that Tomoyo had even brought up the concept of resettling Suwa. 

I chose to stay in Nihon because Celes no longer exists.

Fai gently places his palm over his heart and takes in a deep breath. His gaze flits to the room around him, all of the little markings of home that surround him, from his favorite mug sitting next to Kurogane’s on the kitchen table to the practice sword lying haphazardly half-sheathed in the corner, right next to his own set of neatly stacked notebooks. 

I chose to stay in Nihon because… 

In the distance, Fai catches the distinct sound of Kurogane’s footsteps on the path leading up to the house. He pauses, his mind going blank as he listens to the front door slide open and shut, listens to the soft shuffle of Kurogane taking off his shoes at the door, listens to him move about their home in the easy quiet of this late afternoon. 

Kurogane steps into the kitchen, framed by the warm light of the setting sun behind him in a way that makes his skin shimmer like gold. His sleeveless tunic is covered with patches of mud and wayward leaves and Fai’s breath catches in his throat. 

Oh. 

Kurogane raises an eyebrow at him as he moves further into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water and leaning against the kitchen counter. 

I chose to stay in Nihon because of him .

“What’s up with you?” Kurogane grunts, rifling through their cupboards, “Did something happen while I was--” 

Fai cuts him off by nearly slamming into him, his hands bracing themselves on the counter on either side of Kurogane’s body. Kurogane turns abruptly, a look of confused concern on his face. Fai takes that as his opportunity to quickly take Kurogane’s face in both of his hands and pull him down into a rough kiss. It takes only a brief second for Kurogane to match him, meeting him with a fervor all his own. 

Fai smiles against Kurogane’s lips, and it almost feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders as he pulls back, resting his forehead softly against Kurogane’s. There are unshed tears in his eyes, threatening to fall as he gently takes Kurogane’s hand in his own and entwines their fingers for the first time. Fai knows he’s being dramatic, but he can’t quite bring himself to care. 

“I lov-” Fai starts, but his voice catches in his throat. He huffs, pulling away just slightly so he can look Kurogane in the eye, only to be met with the warmest smile Fai thinks he’s ever seen on Kurogane’s face. Kurogane’s fingers tighten over his own and he pulls Fai back, closer, until he can press his lips against Fai’s hair. 

“I know,” Kurogane says, low and quiet, as if it’s a secret that only the two of them share, and he kisses him again.

[thenarrativefoil]

Book & Bell by SeriousMistakes (Truck That) got in my head and wouldn't let go so fanart happened :)

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

45 & 46 for the fanfic ask game? :)

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Oh God, this is impossible to answer - not only because I suddenly become the least decisive person in the whole world as soon as I am asked for my opinion, but also because I've been reading fanfiction for over 20 years, and it's impossible to pin down a single one.

Some that stuck with me throughout the different years and fandoms (this'll be embarassing bc I literally don't remember any titles, just premises):

That one Johnlock fic where Sherlock is a merman and John a shipwrecked sailor. It was the reason I got my first AO3 account, actually, bc it was for registered users only. It was delightfully written, with some great mermaid smut. (Yes, the monsterfucker has always been strong in me.)

That Spideypool dragon AU (I believe it was titled "Untethered". Ha! I do remember titles.) None of them was a dragon, but Wade is a dragon rider who ends up in a political marriage with Peter. Can you tell I have a certain taste?

So many Kurofai fics. I was obsessed with them for a long while and there's some excellent fic for that pairing.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Another difficult one. 😅

The thing is, I feel like I actually have a bit of a range, so different fics of mine might be for different people. You like fluffy fic with lots of pining and slow-build romance? Then Someone who cares is for you. You might also enjoy (You got me) in the palm of your hand, but you might wanna steer clear of Possession, which is arguably my darkest fic. Monsterfucking and fantasy? Hic sunt dracones and Just add water. And if you're into omegaverse, I've got that, too. Take your pick, really. 💖

Fanfiction questions

[gpoymangacaps]

A Little Farm on The Hill As long as he can remember, Kurogane hated any kind of social gatherings; too many people, too many pointless chatters, and a terrible waste of time. But over the years of tolerating, living and loving the mage- he wouldn’t go as far as say that he definitely loves parties now but. The mage loves to exert himself with acts of service as his love language and parties and feasts preparations are a major part of it. And that was why one of the first things he did when the plan to rebuild Suwa began was to also build a cosy and beautiful area where the mage can host his parties.

The look on the mage face was more than worth it when he revealed the beautiful open air dining hall, decked in beautiful dark woods and tucked in the shady forested hills where he used to play when he was a child.The mage practically bounced in excitement and his blue eyes were glittering with happiness and oh Gods above, Kurogane wouldn’t ever forget the smiles that was brought out of Fai on that day. He was so beautiful, always beautiful everyday but even more so on that day where it looked like Kurogane handed him the world (his world). 

Fai made plans- to turn this into a beautiful farm of his own where they can harvest their own crops for guests, for new recruits, for disciples, for their worlds apart sons and daughters, for everyone really. He would later talk Kurogane ears off everyday before sleep about building a brick ovens where he could bake fresh breads and pastries and their dining halls will be filled with wonderful scents of sweets and the warmth of rising yeasts. And if there are breads and pastries, they would need to have coffees as well! A cold cellar to store all the different liquors they amassed during their travel! And, and storage compartments to store all the cooking utensils they procured from their world hopping days! So many things that Fai needed to work on!

So whenever after Fai’s daily task of studying the magic of Suwa and strengthening the borders and training his little disciples in the art of magic, he would be busy with turning his plans into action. By then, Kurogane had known Fai for a long time but never like this. Never had he been so unbridledly joyful; his entire body bursting with so much positive energy that it threatened to burst at the seams, but instead was poured into continuously working on his ideas. Kurogane has long forgotten how awful feigned smiles and pleasantries looked on his mage and silently grateful that his surprise gift of a modest crude wooden hut had brought so much joy and life to his love.

Sometimes, Kurogane thinks that Fai himself is a force of nature, a magic on his own. It took some time of course as everything is, but everyday Fai seems to be conjuring magic to turn the crude wooden hut into something entirely his.

Half a year later, the crude wooden hut and that piece of land that Kurogane gifted has transformed into a little dining hall as Fai would like to refer it to. There was a wonderful flourishing farm with gardens of colourful flowers surrounding the area. The smell of freshly baked breads and pastries were almost always present. Fai's classes for his young disciples have been moved from their official residence to the dining hall. In the middle of the hall, there was now a long, solid table with fresh flowers as its centrepiece.

As Fai cheerily gathered new batch of fresh flowers from the garden, Kurogane silently snuck up behind his beloved to drop a morning kiss on his fluffy hair. Magical.

[hoshinochikara]

Tsubasa Chronicle Month | Day 6

xxxHolic

Done with the day’s chores, Syaoran kneels by the irises in the yard to smell them, as honeybees flit from flower to flower. 

“Kimihiro, look!” 

From the edge of the veranda, Fai laughs when the boy gasps as a swallowtail butterfly lands on his outstretched fingertips.

“Times like this, they remind me of the kids.”

He sits completely still so as not to scare it away, but his delight is is infectious. Even the shopkeeper breaks into a rare chuckle as the butterfly circles past the Syaoran's ear only to land on his nose.

“What are you talking about?” Kurogane shifts in Fai’s lap, lowering his manga to look up at the mage. “They’re all our kids.”

[shiiko529]

so i was genuinely intending to work on my angel/demon gemshipping fic and this happened instead >.>

tbh this isnt even what i tended to post for fai's bday, but ¯⁠\⁠⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠⁠/⁠¯

i would normally say this is crack, but the CLAMP "back-baby" is canon (which is completely insane)

-----------

“The chairwoman insisted that I come check on you since I live so close.”  Fai could hear Kurogane say as his traitorous twin let him into their apartment. He looked around wildly as his panicked mind tried desperately to figure out somewhere for him to run and maybe hide and somehow manage to avoid seeing Kurogane for at least the next year so he wouldn’t have to–

“Oi.”

Shit. “Kuro-sama-sensei, what- what’re you doing here?”

“I came to check on you,” he said knowing full well that Fai had heard him talking to Yuui.

“Well, you shouldn’t get too close, wouldn’t want you getting sick too,” the blond warned, trying to keep some distance from the gym teacher. 

Kurogane ignored his advice and took a step closer, which led to Fai managing to trip over his own feet as he backed away. He managed to twist on the way down and landed awkwardly on his face instead of his back. Which, of course, put him in an almost perfect position for Kurogane to see what was a small, but obvious lump on his back.

“What is that?”

“What is what?

“On your back- that lump.”

“That? It, uh, its a growth. I have cancer.”

Yuui groaned and muttered something Kurogane didn’t catch, confirming his suspicion that what the idiot just said was complete and total bullshit. “Fai, just tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Whatever was going on (which was obviously not an illness) was going to take more effort than normal to get to the truth.

“If you don’t tell him, I will.”

Or maybe not, if Yuui was siding with him instead of his brother.

Fai shot his twin a scathing glare before sighing and looking at the floor. “Remember the staff party a couple of months ago, with the really good alcohol? Where everybody got really drunk?”

Kurogane did in fact remember that party, probably better than most of the participants. He especially remembered Yuuko shoving the two of them into a closet, even if Fai had later pretended that he had no memory of that part whatsoever.

“Wait. Are you saying- You’re preg- You’re sure its mine?” 

Kurogane was reminded of the other blond in the room by a loud scoff, “Who else’s would it be? My brother has been pining for you since the day he met you.”

“Yuui!”

“Fai, you are stupidly in love with him and now pregnant with his baby, and you keep refusing to listen to me when I tell you he loves you back!” Yuui stopped, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before exhaling loudly. “I’m going for a walk. The two of you had better be talking about marriage details when I get back.”

The outburst from the twin that was generally considered the calm and reasonable one left a resounding silence in its wake. The gym teacher stood there for a moment looking at the figure still hunched on the floor. It was disconcerting for Fai to be this not just quiet, but subdued, which only reinforced that he felt exactly the way his brother had said. Kurogane knew he had to say something because clearly they had a lot of things they needed to finally actually talk about instead of the normal dancing around and avoiding issues that Fai liked to do. This really wasn’t the way he would’ve preferred to start a conversation on this particular topic, or any topic truthfully, but Fai was obviously not going to start.

So he sat down in front of the blond and started with what seemed like the most pressing part of the situation. “Do you… want to keep it?”

“Do you?”

“I hadn’t really thought about- I mean, I knew that it- but you- This whole time?”

The corners of Fai’s mouth twitched up into the tiniest shy, nervous smile and his head bobbed in the slightest of nods, but he didn’t answer the question, instead redirecting the conversation back to the other teacher. “I know how much you like children, and you’d be a great father, but if you don’t want it, then…”

“Well, its your body, so if you don’t want it–”

“No, no! I do! I just- I don’t want to–”

“Do you really think I’d let you do this alone?”

“I’ve got Yuui, so I wouldn’t be alone, but…”

Oh, this really was about him. Kurogane was going to have to actually tell the idiot how he felt, out loud, with actual words; which he admittedly wasn’t very good at. He knew he loved Fai, but to suddenly find out that not only did Fai love him back, but wanted to have this baby with him. He also knew that having a baby was a big decision, and while he only had a couple of seconds to decide, the answer was thankfully easy. “I want it too.”

That pretty face finally turned to look at him. “Yeah?”

“And you.” It wasn’t the best confession, far from poetic or romantic, or even planned, but still, those stunning blue eyes widened in surprise; which honestly was kind of ridiculous given what Yuui had already announced for them just a few minutes earlier. “You should’ve listened to your brother.”

Teasing was normally Fai’s department, but it worked as a much needed break in the tension, and the blond groaned in dismay, finally accepting it and relaxing.

“So, we’re having a baby?”

“Yeah, we’re having a baby.”

It only took a second for the reality of what they had just said to overpower the elation of finding out that Kurogane did actually love him back and panic started to take over. “Oh god, we’re having a baby. We need to pick a name, and buy stuff, and–”

“Hey. We don’t have to do everything right now. We’ve got a few months, right?”

Fai slumped against him, “What would I do without you, Kuro-sama?”

“Something stupid probably.”

[lauand-dw]

Fic: Mistletoe (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles - Kurofai)

I wrote a thing! To be honest, I think that the title and the summary (summary? What summary?) are kind of lame, but I just can't find a good alternative, so... Link to AO3 because it's kind of longish for a platform like Tumblr? https://archiveofourown.org/works/52708201 Thanks to Empress for the beta-reading and the help!

[farenmaddox]

Hey fans of KuroFai/Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle!

Did you know that the KuroFai Olympics are on right now? You didn't? (pause for shocked gasping) Well, now you do!

This year's theme uses tarot cards to let the competitors duke it out to see if FATE or CHOICE holds more sway. There are twenty (20) --- yeah, you heard me, TWENTY --- new works of KuroFai fanfiction and TEN awesome pieces of art for you to enjoy. You can check posts from @kurofai-olympics to get links to everything.

Don't forget the most fun part of the Olympics - voting! Heck yeah, there's a scorecard and YOU can vote. Yes, you! There will be a winning team, a winning fic, and a winning art at the end of all this. But you've got to get your votes in by 30th September, 2023 to make it count.

"but Faren, enjoying and commenting and voting on twenty fics and ten art pieces by September 30th?? um???/"

I hear you, friend. If you can't do that, you can still pick your favorite tarot card and just go for the 2 fics and 1 art that were written for that card. Or maybe you can get through a couple of your favorite cards!

I don't know about you, but me, I really want to read and vote on all of them! That's why I am ✨Making A Plan. ✨

I am going to do ONE (1) fic or art per day, starting today!

That's 30 days! In 30 days it will be the 27th of September, which means I will have finished 3 days early, or I will have left myself some wiggle room if I can't make time every single day!*

Do you want to join me in this plan, friend and fellow KuroFai enjoyer? Of course you do! I'm going to be posting every day about which fic I read / art I plan to do for that day, and maybe give you the tiniest nudge to ALSO look at that one.

Ready? Oh my god, me too! So ready!

I'll make my first daily KuroFai Olympics journal post in just a few minutes!

*yes, one of the fics is mine. So actually I will only need to look at 29 things. But I'm saying 30 and including myself on the schedule because... you could read it. You know, if you wanted to. 🥺

Dear friends and followers who are NOT KuroFai enjoyers: I'm going to be tagging everything related this as "KuroFai Olympics Journal" so you can block as needed.

[the-surreptitious-albatross]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better:

Thanks for the tag @bbcphile!

3 Ships You Like: feifanghua, fanghua, and feihua- there, done! Ah, I jest, let's just count that as one ship since I love them in every configuration. Two others : sangcheng from MDZS and claurenz from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

First Ship Ever: As a thing I was actively invested in? Probably kurofai from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, which I read when I was in university. I'd been reading fanfiction since middle school, but mostly gen stuff, and it took me a long time to get on board with the concept of shipping.

Last Song You Heard: "Long Wave" by Dessa. I've been listening to her album "Bury the Lede" a lot recently.

Favourite Childhood Book: Being a reader was a defining trait for a me as a child, and I've loved lots of books; I've never at any time been able to pick just one favourite. But for the spirit of the question, let's go with Lord of the Rings, since I was about 11 when I first read it and it rewired my brain. For a book actually aimed at children, I'll also throw in Tuck Everlasting since I really loved it and still occasionally reread it- it holds up.

Currently Reading: I'm rereading Network Effect by Martha Wells to refresh my memory of it before I read the newest Murderbot book. I'm also reading volume 2 of the Seven Seas translation of Sha Po Lang/ Star of Chaos.

Currently watching: Immortal Samsara, Nirvana in Fire, Heroes (2022), The Blood of Youth, The Legend of the Condor Heroes (2017) and rewatching Mysterious Lotus Casebook with a friend.

Currently consuming: I'm drinking some peppermint tea at the moment.

Currently craving: I'd love a Skor bar. It's been a while since I've had one and I do enjoy a Skor bar.

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it!

[butchkurogane]

Title: You Were the Home I Wanted to Run To Series: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Characters: Kurogane, Fay Relationship: Kurogane/Fay Rating: T Word Count: 4,411 Summary: What will become of Fay, when this journey is over? It’s not Kurogane’s business. Kurogane deliberately cut the string that had pulled their lives along, against their will, when he buried his sword into Fei Wong Reed’s chest. They are free, and Fay can finally live whatever life he wants. Kurogane will protect that freedom at any cost. His own feelings are inconsequential. So, he steels himself when he feels the question bubbling in his chest. A/N: Special thank you to @evig-sang​ for being the best beta reader in the world! The title is loosely based on the song "You Were A Home That I Wanted To Grow Up In" by Flatsound. Warnings: Post-series, spoilers abound. Language. Spicy, but sfw.

[hanneswrites]

to the walls i built around you

Fandom: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles

Pairing: Kurogane/Fai

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.2k

Summary/Tags: Kurogane and Fai are having a good time on their first date when Fai wins a mysterious gemstone at the local summer solstice festival and everything goes wrong from there. Written for KuroFai Olympics 2021, Team Sun, Prompt: Groundhog Day. TW for anxiety on Fai’s part.

[Read on Ao3]

--

The sun sits low on the horizon, casting long shadows along the gently sloping landscape of the country they’d dropped into just yesterday. Fai leans against the railing of their temporary apartment’s balcony and watches as the dark slowly creeps over the city below, fire-light lanterns lighting gradually along the city streets. He takes a long sip of wine and focuses for a moment on twirling the glass stem between his fingers. The air around him is hot enough for it to be uncomfortable, even though he’s stripped down to his barest layer. It’s muggy as well - a sensation that he finds even more uncomfortable than heat itself, as he can feel the dampness in the air begin to cling to his skin.

Fai sets his wine glass on the railing and buries his head in his hands as he replays the night’s events over and over again in his mind.

“It looks like they’re holding a summer solstice festival.” Kurogane explained, settling their groceries down on the counter, “We had something similar in Nihon.”

Fai hummed in response and focused on putting things away, only half-listening to what Kurogane was saying.

“We should go.” Kurogane handed him another bag and Fai very pointedly didn’t look at him.

“Sounds fun. I’ll ask Syao--”

“ We should go.” Kurogane was behind him now, close enough that Fai could feel the warmth radiating from his body. Fai’s heart sped up as he set the last box in the cupboard and turned, slowly, to face Kurogane.

“The kid said he would be busy anyway. Something about researching local legends,” Kurogane continued, staying a small distance from him to give Fai his space. Fai looked up and they locked eyes for a long moment. His breath caught in his throat, his heart pounding hard in his chest. Even with all of the stilted confessions they’d laid bare to each other after the battle with Fei Wong Reed, Fai still felt unable to accept whatever this was - whatever it could possibly become.

No matter how many times Kurogane held him, no matter how many whispered endearments he’d been offered, it still didn’t feel quite real . He can’t quite stop himself from thinking of all of the possibilities - every tiny thing that could go wrong and snowball into something that would completely alter the way Kurogane might feel about him, and that stops him, even now, from reaching out and moving this forward.

“If you insist, Kuro-sama,” Fai gives him a small, mischievous smile, “but you’re paying.” Fai’s heart leapt into his throat as Kurogane grinned back at him, clearly pleased with himself.

“Tomorrow. It’s a date,” Kurogane said, turning on his heel and making his way out of the kitchen before Fai could say anything in response.

Fai slumps against the balcony railing and lets out a long sigh, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him. He feels a little silly, all things considered, worrying about going on a date after everything that had happened.

=-=

The sun begins to peek over the horizon, signalling the start of a new day, and Fai feels like he’s barely slept a wink. He’s always been an early riser and until this point, it hasn’t really bothered him. He finds himself awake long before the other two so much as stir in their beds and he spends this time pouring over the five outfits he’s managed to accumulate up to this point, trying desperately to figure out which combination of the five would suit a summer solstice festival, an event he knows next to nothing about, and a date.

Fai closes his eyes for a moment and mulls over the choices. His normal travel wear was out of the question and his original clothes seemed a bit out of place as well. Cracking his eyes open, he runs his fingertips over the soft chiffon blouse he’d picked up in Moryo country. High neckline, flowing lantern sleeves, detailed ruffling around the wrists, and muted glitter shimmering within the fabric - he remembers liking it so much that he’d refused to sell it when they’d arrived in the next world - but Kurogane was never one for frivolous details was he?

Fai sets it aside and moves on to the next set neatly folded beside it. A simple cotton shirt with thin golden embroidery lining the sleeves and small embroidered flowers decorating a thin breast pocket. Practical and thin, maybe a bit too casual for a date? It was hot enough that this would likely be the best option, as he glanced over at the last outfit and remembered it was more well-suited for winter months.  

Fai shuts his eyes again and focuses on breathing for a moment before grabbing the cotton shirt and heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

=-=

Fai finds himself fussing over very menial tasks around the apartment until Kurogane is finally ready to leave for the festival. He’d flip-flopped all morning about so many tiny details that by the time Kurogane came to tell him it was time to leave, he was already exhausted and it was barely mid-day. At the last minute, Fai had changed his mind and decided upon the long-sleeved chiffon blouse - a decision that he is now regretting based both on how hot it is outside and also because he seems to be woefully overdressed.

The townsfolk around them are all dressed in casual summer clothes, similar to the types they had seen back in Hanshin country years ago. The crowds are thick in the market square with people crowding around the varieties of colorful booths lining the streets. There’s barely enough room to walk through and Kurogane sticks close enough to him that Fai starts to overheat embarrassingly fast . Kurogane seems absolutely unbothered by the heat, as per usual, a fact that Fai used to be envious of until they had managed to land themselves in a world with a tundra climate similar to his home country and Kurogane’s teeth hadn’t stopped chattering the entire time they’d been there. Fai glances up at Kurogane and smiles, fond memories of teasing Kurogane while they both shared his longcoat springing to the forefront of his mind.

Kurogane looks down at him and raises an eyebrow, but Fai just grins back at him in response. The crowd gets thicker and harder to navigate to the point where they nearly get seperated a few times, so when Kurogane offers his hand, Fai takes it. His palms are sweaty, both from the heat and his own nerves, but Kurogane says nothing and simply pulls him along until they reach their destination.    

They stop at a few food booths and Kurogane orders for the both of them - most of the things on the menus look like nothing he’s ever seen before, and a majority of it is pretty good, apart from the one crispy food that Kurogane hands to him that turns out be some sort of battered fish. Fai begrudgingly swallows that one down and makes a mental note to sneak way too much sugar into Kurogane’s coffee tomorrow morning.

Eventually, they make their way to the small park at the center of the city square. There are more tents set up in the park, all lined with glittering lights and colorful tapestries. While a majority of the booths they’d seen up to this point were more focused on food, these tents seemed to be hosting a variety of games. Kurogane has stopped leading him since there are less people in this part of the square, and Fai pauses to let his eyes wander over the first few booths in the line. A game with a bunch of colorful bottles, one with tiny children’s bow and arrows, and one - one that he feels an odd sort of pull toward.

Fai wrinkles his nose, suddenly even more on-edge as he takes in the curved lines of a red, orange, and black wheel painted to look like a giant sun. He stares at it for a long moment, trying to figure out just what about it seemed odd. He’s so focused on it that he nearly jumps out of his skin when Kurogane places his hand on the small of his back, gently guiding him toward the booth.

“Let’s check it out, you seem curious enough about it.” Kurogane says, and Fai can feel his face heating up even more - if that was even possible (he probably looked like a giant tomato at this point, dear gods) .

As they get closer to the booth, Fai can see small pegs lining the outer ring of the wheel with tiny words written in between them. Up-close, the sun painted on the wheel looks distinctly familiar, but he can’t quite place where he’s seen it before. Kurogane hands the game tender an amount of money and Fai watches as he spins the wheel. It lands on a word that he can’t read and the attendant grins as he pulls a box out from behind the wheel.

“Ah, a wonderful prize from the box of mysteries, my friend! You never know what great treasures you may find!” The attendant gestures to the top of the box and that strange pull that had pulled him here grew just a bit stronger. When he sticks his hand in the box, he feels a few boxes, a few things that feel like rubber, and something - something that seems to fit itself into the palm of his hand all on it’s own. Fai is no stranger to magic and he can practically feel whatever this object is pulsing with unreleased energy.

He pulls it out and opens his palm to reveal a strange orange gem with streaks of red running through it. It feels odd in his hand - strangely right, and that makes him nervous. Magical objects that seek out their users are generally not good news.

He’s pulled out of his reverie by Kurogane tugging lightly on his sleeve, leading him away from the booth. Fai pockets the gem without much thought and follows him, tentatively brushing his hand against Kurogane’s and smiling when the ninja twines their fingers together as they walk further into the park.

The sun has fully set by the time they reach a little alcove with a small park bench that Kurogane had apparently been leading them to. Kurogane plops himself down on the bench and makes himself comfortable, raising an eyebrow at Fai when he doesn’t follow.

“What are we--” Fai begins, and Kurogane closes his eyes and leans back into the bench.

“Fireworks. Should be starting in about half an hour.”

Fai sits and almost immediately becomes very aware of how sweaty he is as he leans back on to the bench seat and feels the chiffon of his shirt stick to his skin as he shifts. They sit in silence for a few minutes - a fact that had Fai’s nerves building in the pit of his stomach, even if he can’t rationalize why he’s nervous. The night around them is loud with chirping crickets and the far-off sounds of the festival. Fai shifts again, wanting desperately to unbutton a few of the top buttons of his shirt but feeling much too awkward to do so.

Kurogane shifts next to him, placing one of his arms along the back of the bench behind Fai’s head and Fai feels like he needs to fill the silence with something, literally anything, so he says the first thing that pops into his head.

“Do you come here often?” Immediately as he says it he wants to drop his face into his hands and never look Kurogane in the eye again. Kurogane says nothing for a long moment and when Fai finally chances a look up at him, he’s grinning down at him.

“We’ve only been here for two days,” He says, clearly amused, “I happened by this place on the way back from the market yesterday.”

Fai puzzles over this for a moment and then comes to a realization, “Did you plan all of this?”

Kurogane looks up to the sky and hums in response.

“I have something for you.” Kurogane glances over at him and smiles, soft and easy, and Fai feels his heart nearly skip a beat as he pulls a small box from his pocket and places it on the bench between them.

Fai feels like his heart is literally going to pound out of his chest, a million different scenarios running through his mind as he picks up the tiny box, slowly unties the ribbon, and slides the top off. He stills as soon as he sees it, glittering on top of soft white cotton. A beautifully intricate hair comb made of weaving silver and deep blue gemstones. Fai stares at it for a long while and when he finally looks up, Kurogane is still smiling at him.

He takes the box from Fai’s hands and lifts the comb from it, turning it over in his hands.

Kurogane leans closer and Fai focuses on trying to keep his breathing steady as Kurogane brushes a few locks of stray hair behind his ear.

“Your hair is getting long. I thought you could use something to tie it back.” He says, brushing his thumb over Fai’s cheek. Fai closes his eyes as Kurogane guides him to turn around and gathers all of his hair into a bun. He’s surprisingly gentle - more gentle than Fai could ever imagine Kurogane being, and when it’s all said and done Fai feels much cooler now that his hair is off of his neck.

Fai chuckles as he turns back around, trying to will himself to calm. Absently, he sticks his hand in his pocket and when his fingers hit the gem he’d picked up earlier, he closes his hand around it. It’s surprisingly cool for having been in his pocket for a while now, which should be odd, but he doesn’t exactly have time to think about that as Kurogane leans forward once more and touches their foreheads together. He’s so close that Fai can’t really think straight, his heart once more pounding away in his chest, panicking, panicking as Kurogane closes the distance between them and --

=-=

Fai wakes just as the sun begins to peek over the horizon, signalling the start of a new day, and he feels like he’s barely slept a wink. His heart is still pounding like crazy as he sits up in his bed and tries to parse through what had just happened. Had he blacked out? Had Kurogane carried him all the way back to their apartment and put him to bed? He thinks hard for a moment, trying to remember anything that happened after Kurogane kissed him - tried to kiss him? He doesn’t actually remember it happening, now that he thinks about it.

Fai sighs and brings his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on the soft flannel of his sleep pants. The same pants he’d been wearing two nights ago. He feels something heavy and cold in his left palm and as he slowly uncurls his fingers, he recognizes the gem he’d picked up last night. It takes him a moment - longer than he would like to admit - to realize what’s going on.

Quickly, he makes his way out of his room and down to the kitchen. He checks the fridge and sure enough, the leftovers from two days ago that he’d eaten for breakfast yesterday were still sitting on the top shelf. Fai closes his eyes for a moment and gently shuts the fridge door, his fist tightening around the gemstone still in his hand.

Magical objects that seek out users are almost always bad news. He repeats to himself as he slowly climbs the stairs back up to his room. As he readies himself for the day, he finds himself to be much less nervous this time. He already knows how the night is going to play out and that gives him an advantage, right?

He wears the short-sleeve cotton shirt this time, knowing how hot it’s going to be, and he manages to get a few chores done while waiting for Kurogane to come downstairs. Very purposefully, he’d left the gemstone tucked away in one of the drawers of his nightstand.

Kurogane comes downstairs at the same exact time he had yesterday and greets him in the same way. He holds out his arm for Fai to take as they make their way to the market square.  They get the same food but this time, Fai knows Kurogane is going to try and trick him into eating fish - so he purposefully orders something else for himself at that booth. It’s something that he doesn’t quite understand, but it sounds good when Kurogane describes it, even if he does give Fai an odd look after he’s ordered.

Fai pops exactly one of the tiny balls of dough into his mouth and immediately regrets all of his life choices up to that point. His eyes start watering, from the spices burning his tongue and all the way down his throat, and when he looks up Kurogane is clearly holding himself back from laughing at him. That tittering nervousness he’d managed to lock away is now back in full-force as he tries to run to the nearest water fountain, ends up tripping over something, and lands in a very conveniently placed mud puddle.

He’s wet, muddy, and his mouth is on fire, when he feels that odd pull he’d felt the night before, tugging at his hand and guiding it to his pocket. The gemstone sits within, even though Fai knows he’d locked it away in that drawer.

“You alright--” Kurogane only gets two words out before Fai closes his fingers around the gemstone.

=-=

He wakes once more at the first light of dawn.

The third time is much quicker - Fai manages to accidentally push Kurogane into a fountain and calls it quits right after that. The fourth time he somehow ends up free falling from the ferris wheel in the park and probably breaking his ankle - he doesn’t stick around to find out. Fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth are all absolute disasters as well, and by the ninth time he sends himself back, he’s completely and utterly done.

Before anyone in the apartment even wakes up, Fai is storming down to the park, heading straight for the booth he remembers having the sun wheel game. It’s still early in the day and most of the vendors are setting up shop, but oddly enough in the spot where he definitely remembers the sun wheel booth being, there is an empty space. When he asks around at the other vendors, no one seems to remember a booth ever being there, despite this being the second day of the festival. He closes his eyes and counts to ten, trying to will the frustration down, because of course no one has heard of that booth.  

Eventually he heads back to the apartment and shuts himself in his room, refusing to answer the door when both Kurogane and then Syaoran try to get him to come out. His plan at this point is to wait the day out to see what happens - getting out of a cursed time loop was more important than Kurogane being upset with him for missing a date.

Except, Kurogane is never one to sit idly by, particularly when he thinks Fai is doing something stupid, and he ends up getting Mokona to unlock his bedroom door because he’s worried.

Fai doesn’t say anything as Kurogane steps into the room, he just pulls the covers over his head and waits. Kurogane ends up sitting on the opposite side of his bed and Fai hears him let out a long sigh that has him instantly regretting his life decisions again.

“Mage,” Kurogane says, and when Fai doesn’t answer, “ Fai.”

The gem is set out in front of him, shimmering on it’s own underneath the blankets. Fai closes his eyes and brushes his fingers across the smooth stone.

“ If I’ve done something to make you -” is all Kurogane gets out before Fai closes his hand around the gem once more.  

=-=

The fifteenth time, he figures it might be a smart idea to try and recreate the first night, because at this point, he’s barely even making it past leaving the apartment without panicking and restarting the day. He’s steadily grown more nervous over the days and he knows it’s not helping him but he can’t seem to stop.

As he gets ready that morning, he puts on that same too-hot blouse and tucks the gem away in his pants pocket. They manage to make it to the town square without anything super disastrous happening. Fai had stepped in a puddle and now one of his shoes was wet and squeaky, but all things considered, that was a minor inconvenience. He lets Kurogane lead him around the food booths and chokes down the same fried fish he’d eaten on the first night. He spills his drink on Kurogane and feels his fingers itch, that pull resurfacing and trying to pull his hand toward his pocket, but he ignores it.

When they make it to the park, the booth with the sun wheel is still not there - the space where it had been is empty and oddly placed. They end up playing a ring toss game instead and somehow , somehow, he manages to angle the ring in just the right way so it bounces back at them, hits Kurogane directly in the eye, and leaves him with a giant black bruise. What are the odds? Fai is just about to reach into his pocket when Kurogane starts laughing. Fai gets him an ice pack from the festival’s medical tent instead, and Kurogane teases him relentlessly about it until they find themselves at the same bench where they’d talked that first night.

Kurogane sits first, gestures for Fai to join him , and Fai does, resigned to the fact that the night was almost over and he’d not only managed to spill hot chocolate all over Kurogane, but also gave him a black eye. Fai slumps in his seat, takes in a long breath, and briefly contemplates whether he should just try one more time.

“You look upset.” He hears Kurogane say, and when he turns to look at him, he’s frowning.

Great, Fai thinks, you’ve managed to upset him again. At this point, he decides definitively that he is going to start over one more time. Maybe he just won’t eat anything the next time, maybe Fai can convince Kurogane that they should just avoid the festival altogether and do something entirely different.

Fai sighs and looks up at the sky. The stars are barely visible with all the lights from the festival so close by.

“I mean, it’s been a pretty awful day,” Fai says, very pointedly not looking in Kurogane’s direction.

He nervously fiddles with the opening to his pocket, one moment away from reaching in and closing his fingers around the gem once more, when Kurogane laughs. It starts out as a gentle chuckle and cascades into a full-blown fit of laughter that has Fai wondering just what about this situation is funny.

He’s about to ask when Kurogane finally calms himself and gives him a sidelong glance, effectively stopping him in his tracks. Kurogane is still smiling, a soft and gentle smile as he takes Fai’s hand in his own and interlaces their fingers.

“I don’t think this even counts as one of the top ten worst days we’ve had together, Mage.” Kurogane says, and Fai feels himself flush as Kurogane runs his thumb over Fai’s cheek, “It’s been eventful, sure, but when is it not? I had fun. Didn’t you?”  

Fai simply stares at him for a long moment and realizes that in all of his worry and confusion, he’d completely forgotten exactly why he likes - no, loves Kurogane as much as he does.  He slowly pulls his free hand out of the pocket with the gemstone inside and brushes his fingertips along Kurogane’s jaw until they meet the back of his neck and tangle themselves in his hair. In this moment, Fai cannot even begin to remember everything he’d been so worried about or why he’d even been worried about it in the first place, as Kurogane squeezes their hands together and leans forward to rest his forehead gently against his own.

It’s Fai that closes that final distance between them, a soft and hesitant kiss that turns into something more, something deeper, in mere moments. Kurogane pulls away first and when Fai finally comes out of the haze of finally kissing this man that he’d been pining over for literal years at this point, he notices Kurogane staring at his pocket, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Your pocket was just glowing.”

Fai reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small shard of shattered stone. He smiles and tosses it to the side, pulling Kurogane in for another kiss.

=-=

When he wakes the next morning, just as the sun begins to rise over the horizon, he’s greeted with the sound of light snoring behind him and a heavy arm wrapped around his waist, and he feels free.

[kyoko0001]

Redemption Chapter 6

Link to full story here!  Chapter highlight~~ 

"I'm ok. Why don't you guys get in with me? The waters nice and cold." Fai teased and Kurogane gave him a skeptical look.

Fai loved cold baths in summer time. He wouldn't turn down a cold bath in winter time ether—hot baths were nice but there was nothing like the refreshing feeling of a long soak in too cold water. Even when his body wasn't rebelling against him.

"Its not like there are ice cubes in here. Jeeze Kuro-chan." Fai laughed and smiled as the ninja dipped his fingers in the cool water and grimaced.

"Yeah—only way you're getting me in that cold ass water is if you knock my out first. This ins't a war camp mage." Kurogane helped Yuui shrug out of his cloths though and helped him wash off before helping the child get safely into the deep tub.

He really should learn to have some caution when it came to temperatures and Fai.

Kurogane dropped him in and the little child shrieked. "Fai!."

[amyflowright]

*Première songfic écrite pour le Nanowrimo 2021, c'est aussi une reprise de l'écriture après des années de pause…

J'espère qu'elle vous plaira même si elle est assez sombre mais elle suit le manga après tout, et on sait que c'est pas que du joyeux ^^“… Il y a quelques sous-entendus mais rien de bien "explicite”, attention aussi c'est un couple de deux hommes (bon je pense que si vous avez lu le manga, vous êtes pas passé à côté de ça!)et y'a quelques notions un peu glauques.

Les paroles centrées appartiennent à la chanson de Guillaume GRAND et les personnages de Tsubasa aux CLAMP évidemment, à mon grand regret pour Fye :( lol Et le superbe dessin est encore de la grande @catiacchi !

Bonne lecture!*

Je veux voir les gens vivants, pas bien élevés Je veux voir les gens aimer, aimer le vrai

« Connard ! - Kuro-tan ne veut pas reconnaitre qu'il est un vrai papa poule! - Kuro-otosan n'assume paaaaaaaaas ! - Non mais c'est fini, vous deux ?! Je vais vous défoncer ! »

Je veux voir des gens horribles, la rage au ventre Y'a du beau dans la haine, y'a du beau quand ça saigne.

Des cadavres jonchent le sol, et les vivants tentent de fuir… Vous ne vous échapperez-pas, vous savez ? J'ai cette soif de meurtre, et vous êtes les prochains sur la liste après tout. Détestez-moi, ça me réjouit même !

Je veux connaître des gens fous d'amour, et mourir Je veux voir des gens jaloux, pleurer leurs avenirs

Tant de dimensions, tant de vies… Vous qui avez tous une destinée, et ces âmes jumelles d'une vie à l'autre… Et moi dans tout ça ? Je n'ai aucun avenir, je n'ai jamais eu aucun libre arbitre depuis notre naissance… Nous, les jumeaux maudits. Enfermés, détestés, et accusés de tous vos maux… Je vous déteste tant de vivre au présent et de pouvoir rêver d'un futur.

J'adore ces femmes folles, qui comprennent pas pourquoi C'était si bon hier, tu transpirais dans ces draps

Épuiser leur corps, le temps d'une nuit. Puis les tuer, arracher cette vie comme je tiens littéralement leur cœur de mes mains. Rien ne m'épuise assez, rien n'éloigne ce besoin viscéral de faire couler le sang.

Je voudrais être dans leurs corps pour cette première caresse Me sentir coupable à tort, d'aimer cette tendresse Adultère, peu importe, c'est leur plus belle détresse Pas de quoi en pleurer, de cette jouissante tristesse

Nos corps qui s'unissent à nouveau. J'ai arrêté de compter le nombre de fois où s'est arrivé.

Je t'ai proposé du sexe, un moyen de se défouler et de libérer les tensions pendant ce voyage. Tu as hésité un moment, puis j'ignore pourquoi, le doute a quitté tes yeux et tu as cédé à ma demande.

Tu fais l'amour comme tu livres une bataille Kurogane. Tu agis par instinct, tu te donnes à fond et avec passion, quitte à t'épuiser. Mais tu en ressors toujours en conquérant.

Et moi ? Je cherche simplement à tout oublier.

Remplacer cette souffrance intérieure constante par ce plaisir éphémère. J'aimerais que tu sois plus violent, tu me traites de masochiste mais je ne mérite pas ta bienveillance. Tu es une brute en général, mais sous les draps tu fais preuve d'une délicatesse injuste.

Je veux voir les gens hurler, trahis par leur ciel je veux voir des gens pleurer, le monde les ensorcelle Je veux sentir la douleur de tous ces gens fous Les fous, les jaloux…

« Majesté… Pourquoi ?! » Je n'oublierais jamais la douleur que j'ai vu dans tes yeux quand tu as fini par comprendre… Après tout, tu ne pouvais pas rester éternellement dans le déni n'est-ce pas ? Et oui, ce n'est pas une bête qui massacre mon peuple. Enfin presque, si on y pense, c'est ce monstre en moi qui demande à ce que ces vies soient sacrifiées. Ne pleure pas Fye. Tout est écrit, depuis que je t'ai libéré de ce donjon. Tout nous a amené à ce jour où tu mettras fin à mon calvaire. Mais tu as préféré fuir, tu m'as plongé dans un sommeil sans fin où je revis indéfiniment chaque foutue minute de mon existence… Mais ça ne durera pas, je le sais, mon éveil va arriver d'une seconde à l'autre.

Je veux tomber dans tes bras, dans tes draps saouls Je veux voir le monde tout entier, devenir flou

Je veux connaître tous ces cons, les excuser de l'être Je veux sentir à mon tour, le dernier des êtres

Il y a des jours où la douleur est atroce, et où mon masque a beaucoup de mal à tenir en place. Je m'en veux de vous mentir, et de vous utiliser ainsi. Je ne voulais pas m'attacher, je crois que c'est trop tard : j'ai été pris à mon propre jeu. Mais je ne renoncerais pas, j'ai si mal sans lui… J'ai le cœur qui saigne tellement parfois, je me noie de l'intérieur sous ces larmes que je ne laisse pas couler…

Alors je me glisse furtivement entre tes draps, et toi? Toi, pauvre idiot, tu me laisses t'utiliser sans me demander d'explications. Je suis bien plus doué pour les mots Kuro, mais c'est tes gestes et tes actions dont j'ai besoin quand le désespoir me submerge. Fais taire ce vacarme assourdissant dans ma tête, que plus rien n'existe en dehors de nos deux corps qui dansent… Je sombre, fais-moi oublier dans tes bras.

Je veux voir la mort en face, en vrai, droit dans les yeux Je veux voir Lucifer à mes pieds, passer aux aveux Je veux tout ressentir, tout voir, je veux mentir et tout croire Aujourd'hui, je m'ennuie, je nourris ma folie

Syaoran-kun… Même si tu n'étais qu'un clone, tu étais quand même l'un des nôtres. Tu te tiens droit devant moi, et me juge avec tellement de haine… Tu me parles de ma magie, de sa source, et de ce qu'elle pourrait t'apporter. Je sais que tu massacreras tout ce qui se trouve sur ton chemin pour récupérer les plumes désormais… Moi y compris, et c'est ce que tu fais. La douleur m'assomme immédiatement, et je perds pied.

Fondu au noir.

Je reprends difficilement conscience et ressent toutes ces présences autour de moi… « S'il te plait Yûko, Fye est en train de mourir ! » Il a récupéré la moitié de ma magie, c'est bien trop de pouvoir dans ses mains… Mais si je meurs, il n'en profitera pas, je peux au moins faire ça… Un immense soulagement surgit en moi. Enfin, tout va s'arrêter en ce jour. Je vais rejoindre l'autre moitié de moi, ce n'était pas ce qui était prévu mais c'est encore mieux. Ne plus rien ressentir, ne plus faire souffrir qui que ce soit et vous épargner de mon destin… Oui, je ne pouvais pas rêver mieux après tout.

Je veux voir les gens vivants, pas bien élevés Je veux voir les gens aimer, aimer le vrai Je veux voir des gens horribles, la rage au ventre Y'a du beau dans la haine, y'a du beau quand ça saigne

Évidemment, tu entres dans une rage noire. Je vois alors toute tes contradictions dans ton regard… Tu me hais tellement, et en même temps… je crois que tu m'apprécies un peu Kuro-chan, n'est-ce pas ? Tu souhaiterais me tuer de tes propres mains, mais tu veux aussi que je survive… « Je cherche le bonheur. Avec toi, je veux être heureuse. Je veux être ton bonheur. Alors emmène-moi ! Emmène-moi loin d'ici, vers un ailleurs certain. » Tu ne peux pas me sauver, même si j'espérais que tu sois cette personne Kuro… Je me suis parfois perdu à imaginer cette vie ensemble, loin de mon passé et de ma malédiction. Cette vision utopique où j'aurais été heureux, où tu m'aurais protégé et pardonné… Tu aurais fait de ton Japon, ce que je n'ai jamais eu : un vrai foyer. J'aime l'idée de partir rejoindre mon frère avec cette image dans la tête, même si elle n'est pas réelle et ne le sera jamais… Rouge. Tout devient écarlate autour de moi. J'hurle à plein poumons mais je n'entends rien. J'ai si mal, je ne pensais pas que s'éteindre serait aussi atroce… Mais après tout, cela ne devrait pas m'étonner après tout ce que j'ai vécu. Souffrance Brulure Déchirure Puis un répit, je lâche un soupir : j'attends la délivrance éternelle. J'ouvre mon œil restant, et me fait engloutir par ce que je ressens de ta part… Culpabilité, tristesse, angoisse… Non, ce n'est pas possible ! Tu n'as pas fait ça, je te l'avais interdit… Tu m'as transformé en vampire, tu ne m'as pas laissé partir… « Bonjour, Kurogane. »

Je veux voir les gens vivants… Je veux voir les gens aimer… Je veux voir des gens horribles… Y'a du beau dans la haine, y'a du beau quand ça saigne

J'ai pris le parti de te cracher toute ma colère et ma haine après ça. Le choix de mourir m'appartenait Kurogane, et tu me l'as arraché. Mon indifférence et ma colère froide, contre tes cris et ta frustration. Et ces moments de nourrissage forcé, faire couler ce sang de la même couleur que tes iris qui me maintient en vie contre mon gré. Tout s'est enchainé si vite après ça… Les combats dans le monde des échecs puis la mort de Sakura-chan… Encore une disparition par ma faute, je ne suis bon qu'à ça finalement : anéantir les autres. J'ai beau tenter de fuir ma précédente vie, tout me rattrape en ce jour. Puis il a fallu décider d'un départ précipité pour Celes, Ashura-Ô nous attend. Le château et cette étendue de neige vierge sous les yeux, rien ne semble avoir changé depuis mon départ. Un coup d'œil à mes compagnons, je sais que c'est la dernière fois que je me tiens à leurs côtés. Je ne peux plus y échapper, ils vont savoir que je me suis servi d'eux depuis le premier jour pour arriver à mes fins. Mais il est trop tard pour renoncer, je ressusciterais Fye qu'importe ce qu'il m'en coûte… De toute façon, je t'ai définitivement perdu Kurogane, je n'ai plus que lui. Je vois mon enfance défiler sous mes yeux, tous ces détails que j'ai tenté d'oublier à chaque seconde et qu'on me balance au visage. En réalité, c'est à tous qu'Ashura-ô dévoile mon intimité et qui je suis réellement… Moi, l'égoïste menteur, jusqu'au prénom que j'ai emprunté. Je tiens le corps frêle de mon frère contre moi, et niche ma tête dans son cou : tout pour ne pas lire en eux la déception et la violence de ma trahison. « Je te l'ai déjà dit, ton passé ne me regarde pas! » S'ensuit un véritable combat, cela fait si longtemps que j'espérais t'affronter pour de vrai Kuro-ninja. Sans me retenir, sans esquiver, me donner à fond et que tu me le rendes au centuple. Nous avons combattu aux côtés de l'autre tant de fois, mais cette fois-ci : tu te trouves entre moi et la seule chose que je désire réellement. Non, c'est faux, en réalité : tu es la deuxième et c'est si dur, même si je savais que ce jour arriverait. Mais je ne peux plus reculer, n'est-ce pas ? Tout est écrit depuis bien longtemps désormais. Tu m'esquives une fois de plus, bon sang Kurogane ! Ce n'est pas ton genre, qu'est-ce que tu as derrière la tête ?! J'aimerais tellement que cette bataille dure éternellement, mais il est temps d'y mettre un terme… J'ai si mal, je tremble de tout mon corps à l'idée de te perdre mais il n'y a aucune autre issue… A moins que… si je meurs avec mon roi, vous pourriez survivre et moi je pourrais les rejoindre de l'autre côté… Qu'il en soit ainsi, votre altesse ! « Tu as voulu te sacrifier en m'emportant avec toi… Est-ce pour eux que tu as fait ça ? Si tel est le cas, je vais les tuer… Pour que ta fureur te permette enfin de me vaincre ! »

Non, ne les touchez pas ! Je ne peux pas vous laisser leur faire du mal ! Je ne réfléchis pas et envoie toute ma magie par instinct pour créer un bouclier de protection. Je pensais être capable de vous ramener à la raison majesté et de ressusciter Fye, mais je ne supporte pas l'idée qu'ils souffrent encore… Je te sens t'élancer d'un seul coup et passer devant moi. Je n'ai pas le temps de comprendre, que ton épée l'empale du premier coup. Tu as encore agis à ma place, peut-être pour me protéger une énième fois… Foutu guerrier ! Soulagement Tristesse Panique Ma malédiction s'est déclenchée immédiatement et le monde veut se refermer sur nous. Je vais vous sortir de là, même si c'est la dernière chose que je ferais de mon vivant. Mais ma magie n'est plus assez puissante, j'en ai bien trop perdu. Tu soutiens mon regard, tu ne m'en veux pas alors ? Au moins je vais partir en paix, tu ne me hais pas… « Vas-y ! » Cette fois, tu dois te préserver, tu ne peux plus rien faire pour moi. Tu dois survivre, inversons les rôles et laisse moi être le sauveur de nous deux. Ton Japon t'attend et tu dois veiller sur Syaoran, tu as encore tellement à vivre. Ton devoir envers moi s'arrête là.

Je veux voir les gens vivants… Je veux voir les gens aimer…

Du sang, encore, je déteste tellement ça. Je te sens me tirer par le cou, je suis complètement sonné. Puis Mokona nous aspire et nous changeons de dimension. Je suis en vie ?! Comment est-ce possible ? Kurogane ! Non !! Ce n'est pas possible, tu ne peux pas mourir. J'hurle à m'en déchirer les cordes vocales. Je ne contrôle rien, mais je suis si terrifié. Quelqu'un, par pitié ! Je sens des présences et découvre la Tomoyo de ce monde. Des hommes mettent Kurogane sur un brancard… Non ! Ne me l'enlevez-pas ! « Kurogane n'est pas mort, ça va aller, ne vous inquiétez pas… » Une main sur mon épaule, j'essaie de reprendre pied dans la réalité. J'aimerais la croire mais tu es si pale et tu fais une hémorragie… Comment as-tu pu décider de donner ton bras en échange de mon existence ?! Je ne me souviens plus de grand-chose après ça, si ce n'est quelques flashs : les médecins qui se relaient pendant des jours à ton chevet, la terreur encrée en moi, le sursis, un « il est sorti d'affaire, il faut que la fièvre tombe pour qu'il se réveille » et l'attente. Et puis le réveil, enfin, un soulagement viscéral. Jusqu'au dernier moment, je suis sans mots : comment te dire à quel point je t'en veux de m'avoir fait si peur ? Mais aussi la reconnaissance monstrueuse que je ressens à l'idée d'être encore auprès de vous. Moi qui ai toujours voulu mourir, voilà que je suis réconforté d'être en vie… Et puis merde, je vais utiliser un langage qui est tien : un coup de poing bien mérité. J'ai réussi à te surprendre cette fois-ci, tu ne t'y attendais pas hein ? « Comme ça on est quittes, Kuro-sama ! - Attends un peu que je te fasse ta fête ! » Un rire cristallin nous interrompt : Tomoyo-hime, je l'avais totalement oubliée ! « Je pense que vous avez beaucoup de choses à vous dire, je vous laisse. Sois gentil avec Fye-sama, Kurogane… - Hey ! C'est moi le convalescent, c'est lui qui devrait être gentil avec moi ! Il vient de me frapper, je te signale ! - Visiblement vous parlez le même langage, c'est bien ! » Elle quitte la pièce en riant de nouveau, nous voilà seuls. Cela fait si longtemps que ce n'était pas arrivé, et je te sens me dévisager en silence. « Kuro… - Viens… Sortons prendre l'air, j'en ai marre d'être enfermé ! - Mais tu devrais… - Est-ce que tu veux vraiment qu'on se chamaille là-dessus ? - « Chamailler » ?! C'est bien la première fois que je t'entends prononcer un tel mot ! - Ouais, je crois qu'un certain mage déteint un peu trop sur moi. - Je plaide non coupable ! »

Dieu que ça fait du bien de te voir sourire, et de rire pour de vrai, après tout ce qu'on a traversé ces derniers mois… Je t'aide à te relever doucement et t'accompagne sur le balcon, où nous nous asseyons ensemble. « Il fait si bon dehors… - Oui, visiblement c'est l'été ici : les nuits sont agréables. - L'été ? Le destin se fiche de nous, après le froid glacial de Celes… - Ouais.» Un soupir, j'ai tant à te dire mais je ne sais pas comment… « Kuro, je… - La ferme. - Mais… - Non. Tu veux parler mais tu ne sais même pas quoi dire, alors ne gaspille pas ta salive pour rien… - Tu me censures ? Quelle méchanceté ! Et moi qui pensais que tu m'aimais… »

Aimer. Je l'ai dit, et cette fois-ci : je sais bien que tu as conscience que ce n'est pas qu'une plaisanterie… Tu ne me l'as jamais dit, mais tu me l'as tant montré même si je refusais de le croire… « Silence, j'ai dit. - Mais je me tais là, Kuro-sama ! - Je t'entends cogiter, abruti. - Hey, visiblement tu as perdu la tête si tu entends des voix mon pauvre Kuro-chan… » Je sens ta main restante me caresser la joue, et me noie dans tes yeux vermillons. Puis tu m'embrasses, comme ça, sans hésiter une seule seconde. Un geste si simple et si naturel après tout ça, et je m'y abandonne complètement. Quand nos lèvres se quittent avec un soupir, tu me lâches et je pose doucement ma tête sur ton épaule. Je fixe le paysage extérieur et dévore des yeux le moindre détail. C'est ton Japon, celui qui t'a vu naitre et vivre. Ce pays que tu souhaitais retrouver à tout prix… « Tu recommences. - Dis Kuro-tan, j'aimerais que tu sortes de ma tête au lieu de risquer de tout casser ! - Peut-être que je pourrais faire le tri et t'aider à y faire le ménage… - Hey ! - Ca ne te ferait pas de mal. - Méchant Kuro-chan, tu sais bien que de nous deux c'est moi le cerveau de l'équipe ! - Mouais, des fois je me demande hein… - Je te boude ! On se retrouve à peine que tu te plains déjà de moi… De toute façon, maintenant t'es coincé avec moi pour toujours ! Tu as choisi ! - Pour toujours hein ? Je crois que je peux survivre à ça… »

[amy-flowright]

*Première songfic écrite pour le Nanowrimo 2021, c'est aussi une reprise de l'écriture après des années de pause...

J'espère qu'elle vous plaira même si elle est assez sombre mais elle suit le manga après tout, et on sait que c'est pas que du joyeux ^^"... Il y a quelques sous-entendus mais rien de bien "explicite", attention aussi c'est un couple de deux hommes (bon je pense que si vous avez lu le manga, vous êtes pas passé à côté de ça!)et y'a quelques notions un peu glauques.

Les paroles centrées appartiennent à la chanson de Guillaume GRAND et les personnages de Tsubasa aux CLAMP évidemment, à mon grand regret pour Fye :( lol Et le superbe dessin est encore de la grande @catiacchi !

Bonne lecture!*

Je veux voir les gens vivants, pas bien élevés Je veux voir les gens aimer, aimer le vrai

« Connard ! - Kuro-tan ne veut pas reconnaitre qu'il est un vrai papa poule! - Kuro-otosan n'assume paaaaaaaaas ! - Non mais c'est fini, vous deux ?! Je vais vous défoncer ! »

Je veux voir des gens horribles, la rage au ventre Y'a du beau dans la haine, y'a du beau quand ça saigne.

Des cadavres jonchent le sol, et les vivants tentent de fuir... Vous ne vous échapperez-pas, vous savez ? J'ai cette soif de meurtre, et vous êtes les prochains sur la liste après tout. Détestez-moi, ça me réjouit même !

Je veux connaître des gens fous d'amour, et mourir Je veux voir des gens jaloux, pleurer leurs avenirs

Tant de dimensions, tant de vies... Vous qui avez tous une destinée, et ces âmes jumelles d'une vie à l'autre... Et moi dans tout ça ? Je n'ai aucun avenir, je n'ai jamais eu aucun libre arbitre depuis notre naissance... Nous, les jumeaux maudits. Enfermés, détestés, et accusés de tous vos maux... Je vous déteste tant de vivre au présent et de pouvoir rêver d'un futur.

J'adore ces femmes folles, qui comprennent pas pourquoi C'était si bon hier, tu transpirais dans ces draps

Épuiser leur corps, le temps d'une nuit. Puis les tuer, arracher cette vie comme je tiens littéralement leur cœur de mes mains. Rien ne m'épuise assez, rien n'éloigne ce besoin viscéral de faire couler le sang.

Je voudrais être dans leurs corps pour cette première caresse Me sentir coupable à tort, d'aimer cette tendresse Adultère, peu importe, c'est leur plus belle détresse Pas de quoi en pleurer, de cette jouissante tristesse

Nos corps qui s'unissent à nouveau. J'ai arrêté de compter le nombre de fois où s'est arrivé.

Je t'ai proposé du sexe, un moyen de se défouler et de libérer les tensions pendant ce voyage. Tu as hésité un moment, puis j'ignore pourquoi, le doute a quitté tes yeux et tu as cédé à ma demande.

Tu fais l'amour comme tu livres une bataille Kurogane. Tu agis par instinct, tu te donnes à fond et avec passion, quitte à t'épuiser. Mais tu en ressors toujours en conquérant.

Et moi ? Je cherche simplement à tout oublier.

Remplacer cette souffrance intérieure constante par ce plaisir éphémère. J'aimerais que tu sois plus violent, tu me traites de masochiste mais je ne mérite pas ta bienveillance. Tu es une brute en général, mais sous les draps tu fais preuve d'une délicatesse injuste.

Je veux voir les gens hurler, trahis par leur ciel je veux voir des gens pleurer, le monde les ensorcelle Je veux sentir la douleur de tous ces gens fous Les fous, les jaloux...

« Majesté... Pourquoi ?! » Je n'oublierais jamais la douleur que j'ai vu dans tes yeux quand tu as fini par comprendre... Après tout, tu ne pouvais pas rester éternellement dans le déni n'est-ce pas ? Et oui, ce n'est pas une bête qui massacre mon peuple. Enfin presque, si on y pense, c'est ce monstre en moi qui demande à ce que ces vies soient sacrifiées. Ne pleure pas Fye. Tout est écrit, depuis que je t'ai libéré de ce donjon. Tout nous a amené à ce jour où tu mettras fin à mon calvaire. Mais tu as préféré fuir, tu m'as plongé dans un sommeil sans fin où je revis indéfiniment chaque foutue minute de mon existence... Mais ��a ne durera pas, je le sais, mon éveil va arriver d'une seconde à l'autre.

Je veux tomber dans tes bras, dans tes draps saouls Je veux voir le monde tout entier, devenir flou

Je veux connaître tous ces cons, les excuser de l'être Je veux sentir à mon tour, le dernier des êtres

Il y a des jours où la douleur est atroce, et où mon masque a beaucoup de mal à tenir en place. Je m'en veux de vous mentir, et de vous utiliser ainsi. Je ne voulais pas m'attacher, je crois que c'est trop tard : j'ai été pris à mon propre jeu. Mais je ne renoncerais pas, j'ai si mal sans lui... J'ai le cœur qui saigne tellement parfois, je me noie de l'intérieur sous ces larmes que je ne laisse pas couler...

Alors je me glisse furtivement entre tes draps, et toi? Toi, pauvre idiot, tu me laisses t'utiliser sans me demander d'explications. Je suis bien plus doué pour les mots Kuro, mais c'est tes gestes et tes actions dont j'ai besoin quand le désespoir me submerge. Fais taire ce vacarme assourdissant dans ma tête, que plus rien n'existe en dehors de nos deux corps qui dansent... Je sombre, fais-moi oublier dans tes bras.

Je veux voir la mort en face, en vrai, droit dans les yeux Je veux voir Lucifer à mes pieds, passer aux aveux Je veux tout ressentir, tout voir, je veux mentir et tout croire Aujourd'hui, je m'ennuie, je nourris ma folie

Syaoran-kun... Même si tu n'étais qu'un clone, tu étais quand même l'un des nôtres. Tu te tiens droit devant moi, et me juge avec tellement de haine... Tu me parles de ma magie, de sa source, et de ce qu'elle pourrait t'apporter. Je sais que tu massacreras tout ce qui se trouve sur ton chemin pour récupérer les plumes désormais... Moi y compris, et c'est ce que tu fais. La douleur m'assomme immédiatement, et je perds pied.

Fondu au noir.

Je reprends difficilement conscience et ressent toutes ces présences autour de moi... « S'il te plait Yûko, Fye est en train de mourir ! » Il a récupéré la moitié de ma magie, c'est bien trop de pouvoir dans ses mains... Mais si je meurs, il n'en profitera pas, je peux au moins faire ça... Un immense soulagement surgit en moi. Enfin, tout va s'arrêter en ce jour. Je vais rejoindre l'autre moitié de moi, ce n'était pas ce qui était prévu mais c'est encore mieux. Ne plus rien ressentir, ne plus faire souffrir qui que ce soit et vous épargner de mon destin... Oui, je ne pouvais pas rêver mieux après tout.

Je veux voir les gens vivants, pas bien élevés Je veux voir les gens aimer, aimer le vrai Je veux voir des gens horribles, la rage au ventre Y'a du beau dans la haine, y'a du beau quand ça saigne

Évidemment, tu entres dans une rage noire. Je vois alors toute tes contradictions dans ton regard... Tu me hais tellement, et en même temps... je crois que tu m'apprécies un peu Kuro-chan, n'est-ce pas ? Tu souhaiterais me tuer de tes propres mains, mais tu veux aussi que je survive... « Je cherche le bonheur. Avec toi, je veux être heureuse. Je veux être ton bonheur. Alors emmène-moi ! Emmène-moi loin d'ici, vers un ailleurs certain. » Tu ne peux pas me sauver, même si j'espérais que tu sois cette personne Kuro... Je me suis parfois perdu à imaginer cette vie ensemble, loin de mon passé et de ma malédiction. Cette vision utopique où j'aurais été heureux, où tu m'aurais protégé et pardonné... Tu aurais fait de ton Japon, ce que je n'ai jamais eu : un vrai foyer. J'aime l'idée de partir rejoindre mon frère avec cette image dans la tête, même si elle n'est pas réelle et ne le sera jamais... Rouge. Tout devient écarlate autour de moi. J'hurle à plein poumons mais je n'entends rien. J'ai si mal, je ne pensais pas que s'éteindre serait aussi atroce... Mais après tout, cela ne devrait pas m'étonner après tout ce que j'ai vécu. Souffrance Brulure Déchirure Puis un répit, je lâche un soupir : j'attends la délivrance éternelle. J'ouvre mon œil restant, et me fait engloutir par ce que je ressens de ta part... Culpabilité, tristesse, angoisse... Non, ce n'est pas possible ! Tu n'as pas fait ça, je te l'avais interdit... Tu m'as transformé en vampire, tu ne m'as pas laissé partir... « Bonjour, Kurogane. »

Je veux voir les gens vivants... Je veux voir les gens aimer... Je veux voir des gens horribles... Y'a du beau dans la haine, y'a du beau quand ça saigne

J'ai pris le parti de te cracher toute ma colère et ma haine après ça. Le choix de mourir m'appartenait Kurogane, et tu me l'as arraché. Mon indifférence et ma colère froide, contre tes cris et ta frustration. Et ces moments de nourrissage forcé, faire couler ce sang de la même couleur que tes iris qui me maintient en vie contre mon gré. Tout s'est enchainé si vite après ça... Les combats dans le monde des échecs puis la mort de Sakura-chan... Encore une disparition par ma faute, je ne suis bon qu'à ça finalement : anéantir les autres. J'ai beau tenter de fuir ma précédente vie, tout me rattrape en ce jour. Puis il a fallu décider d'un départ précipité pour Celes, Ashura-Ô nous attend. Le château et cette étendue de neige vierge sous les yeux, rien ne semble avoir changé depuis mon départ. Un coup d'œil à mes compagnons, je sais que c'est la dernière fois que je me tiens à leurs côtés. Je ne peux plus y échapper, ils vont savoir que je me suis servi d'eux depuis le premier jour pour arriver à mes fins. Mais il est trop tard pour renoncer, je ressusciterais Fye qu'importe ce qu'il m'en coûte... De toute façon, je t'ai définitivement perdu Kurogane, je n'ai plus que lui. Je vois mon enfance défiler sous mes yeux, tous ces détails que j'ai tenté d'oublier à chaque seconde et qu'on me balance au visage. En réalité, c'est à tous qu'Ashura-ô dévoile mon intimité et qui je suis réellement... Moi, l'égoïste menteur, jusqu'au prénom que j'ai emprunté. Je tiens le corps frêle de mon frère contre moi, et niche ma tête dans son cou : tout pour ne pas lire en eux la déception et la violence de ma trahison. « Je te l'ai déjà dit, ton passé ne me regarde pas! » S'ensuit un véritable combat, cela fait si longtemps que j'espérais t'affronter pour de vrai Kuro-ninja. Sans me retenir, sans esquiver, me donner à fond et que tu me le rendes au centuple. Nous avons combattu aux côtés de l'autre tant de fois, mais cette fois-ci : tu te trouves entre moi et la seule chose que je désire réellement. Non, c'est faux, en réalité : tu es la deuxième et c'est si dur, même si je savais que ce jour arriverait. Mais je ne peux plus reculer, n'est-ce pas ? Tout est écrit depuis bien longtemps désormais. Tu m'esquives une fois de plus, bon sang Kurogane ! Ce n'est pas ton genre, qu'est-ce que tu as derrière la tête ?! J'aimerais tellement que cette bataille dure éternellement, mais il est temps d'y mettre un terme... J'ai si mal, je tremble de tout mon corps à l'idée de te perdre mais il n'y a aucune autre issue... A moins que... si je meurs avec mon roi, vous pourriez survivre et moi je pourrais les rejoindre de l'autre côté... Qu'il en soit ainsi, votre altesse ! « Tu as voulu te sacrifier en m'emportant avec toi... Est-ce pour eux que tu as fait ça ? Si tel est le cas, je vais les tuer... Pour que ta fureur te permette enfin de me vaincre ! »

Non, ne les touchez pas ! Je ne peux pas vous laisser leur faire du mal ! Je ne réfléchis pas et envoie toute ma magie par instinct pour créer un bouclier de protection. Je pensais être capable de vous ramener à la raison majesté et de ressusciter Fye, mais je ne supporte pas l'idée qu'ils souffrent encore... Je te sens t'élancer d'un seul coup et passer devant moi. Je n'ai pas le temps de comprendre, que ton épée l'empale du premier coup. Tu as encore agis à ma place, peut-être pour me protéger une énième fois... Foutu guerrier ! Soulagement Tristesse Panique Ma malédiction s'est déclenchée immédiatement et le monde veut se refermer sur nous. Je vais vous sortir de là, même si c'est la dernière chose que je ferais de mon vivant. Mais ma magie n'est plus assez puissante, j'en ai bien trop perdu. Tu soutiens mon regard, tu ne m'en veux pas alors ? Au moins je vais partir en paix, tu ne me hais pas... « Vas-y ! » Cette fois, tu dois te préserver, tu ne peux plus rien faire pour moi. Tu dois survivre, inversons les rôles et laisse moi être le sauveur de nous deux. Ton Japon t'attend et tu dois veiller sur Syaoran, tu as encore tellement à vivre. Ton devoir envers moi s'arrête là.

Je veux voir les gens vivants... Je veux voir les gens aimer...

Du sang, encore, je déteste tellement ça. Je te sens me tirer par le cou, je suis complètement sonné. Puis Mokona nous aspire et nous changeons de dimension. Je suis en vie ?! Comment est-ce possible ? Kurogane ! Non !! Ce n'est pas possible, tu ne peux pas mourir. J'hurle à m'en déchirer les cordes vocales. Je ne contrôle rien, mais je suis si terrifié. Quelqu'un, par pitié ! Je sens des présences et découvre la Tomoyo de ce monde. Des hommes mettent Kurogane sur un brancard... Non ! Ne me l'enlevez-pas ! « Kurogane n'est pas mort, ça va aller, ne vous inquiétez pas... » Une main sur mon épaule, j'essaie de reprendre pied dans la réalité. J'aimerais la croire mais tu es si pale et tu fais une hémorragie... Comment as-tu pu décider de donner ton bras en échange de mon existence ?! Je ne me souviens plus de grand-chose après ça, si ce n'est quelques flashs : les médecins qui se relaient pendant des jours à ton chevet, la terreur encrée en moi, le sursis, un « il est sorti d'affaire, il faut que la fièvre tombe pour qu'il se réveille » et l'attente. Et puis le réveil, enfin, un soulagement viscéral. Jusqu'au dernier moment, je suis sans mots : comment te dire à quel point je t'en veux de m'avoir fait si peur ? Mais aussi la reconnaissance monstrueuse que je ressens à l'idée d'être encore auprès de vous. Moi qui ai toujours voulu mourir, voilà que je suis réconforté d'être en vie... Et puis merde, je vais utiliser un langage qui est tien : un coup de poing bien mérité. J'ai réussi à te surprendre cette fois-ci, tu ne t'y attendais pas hein ? « Comme ça on est quittes, Kuro-sama ! - Attends un peu que je te fasse ta fête ! » Un rire cristallin nous interrompt : Tomoyo-hime, je l'avais totalement oubliée ! « Je pense que vous avez beaucoup de choses à vous dire, je vous laisse. Sois gentil avec Fye-sama, Kurogane... - Hey ! C'est moi le convalescent, c'est lui qui devrait être gentil avec moi ! Il vient de me frapper, je te signale ! - Visiblement vous parlez le même langage, c'est bien ! » Elle quitte la pièce en riant de nouveau, nous voilà seuls. Cela fait si longtemps que ce n'était pas arrivé, et je te sens me dévisager en silence. « Kuro... - Viens... Sortons prendre l'air, j'en ai marre d'être enfermé ! - Mais tu devrais... - Est-ce que tu veux vraiment qu'on se chamaille là-dessus ? - « Chamailler » ?! C'est bien la première fois que je t'entends prononcer un tel mot ! - Ouais, je crois qu'un certain mage déteint un peu trop sur moi. - Je plaide non coupable ! »

Dieu que ça fait du bien de te voir sourire, et de rire pour de vrai, après tout ce qu'on a traversé ces derniers mois... Je t'aide à te relever doucement et t'accompagne sur le balcon, où nous nous asseyons ensemble. « Il fait si bon dehors... - Oui, visiblement c'est l'été ici : les nuits sont agréables. - L'été ? Le destin se fiche de nous, après le froid glacial de Celes... - Ouais.» Un soupir, j'ai tant à te dire mais je ne sais pas comment... « Kuro, je... - La ferme. - Mais... - Non. Tu veux parler mais tu ne sais même pas quoi dire, alors ne gaspille pas ta salive pour rien... - Tu me censures ? Quelle méchanceté ! Et moi qui pensais que tu m'aimais... »

Aimer. Je l'ai dit, et cette fois-ci : je sais bien que tu as conscience que ce n'est pas qu'une plaisanterie... Tu ne me l'as jamais dit, mais tu me l'as tant montré même si je refusais de le croire... « Silence, j'ai dit. - Mais je me tais là, Kuro-sama ! - Je t'entends cogiter, abruti. - Hey, visiblement tu as perdu la tête si tu entends des voix mon pauvre Kuro-chan... » Je sens ta main restante me caresser la joue, et me noie dans tes yeux vermillons. Puis tu m'embrasses, comme ça, sans hésiter une seule seconde. Un geste si simple et si naturel après tout ça, et je m'y abandonne complètement. Quand nos lèvres se quittent avec un soupir, tu me lâches et je pose doucement ma tête sur ton épaule. Je fixe le paysage extérieur et dévore des yeux le moindre détail. C'est ton Japon, celui qui t'a vu naitre et vivre. Ce pays que tu souhaitais retrouver à tout prix... « Tu recommences. - Dis Kuro-tan, j'aimerais que tu sortes de ma tête au lieu de risquer de tout casser ! - Peut-être que je pourrais faire le tri et t'aider à y faire le ménage... - Hey ! - Ca ne te ferait pas de mal. - Méchant Kuro-chan, tu sais bien que de nous deux c'est moi le cerveau de l'équipe ! - Mouais, des fois je me demande hein... - Je te boude ! On se retrouve à peine que tu te plains déjà de moi... De toute façon, maintenant t'es coincé avec moi pour toujours ! Tu as choisi ! - Pour toujours hein ? Je crois que je peux survivre à ça... »

[revowo]

i am once again extremely emo over the fact that kurogane never addresses fay by his name, and yes we all know that this is one of the reasons why being with kurogane made fay easily forget about himself to begin with. but like,,what if this aspect clicked with kurogane in celes too. and now imagine that from then on, whenever kurogane adresses fay by his name, it's his real one. and it's a very intimate thing.

[ohhalefire]

Thanks for the tag, @greyhavenisback!

Post a list of your un-started ideas and have your followers ask you about one. Then tell them something about your idea.

OMG I LOVE THIS so here are my ideas - mostly Sterek, with like one Kurofay:

Stiles gets turned in his 20s and everyone is surprised when his eyes are blue. Derek is not.

Banana Fish AU: Derek is the leader of a gang in New York, young and terrifying and in the middle of a gang war surrounding a new drug: Banana Fish. Stiles ends up getting sucked into the war by sheer luck, without any previous exposure to that life at all. (No killing your gays in this AU, though.)

A five-times fic: five excellent reasons Stiles finds himself at the Beacon Hills gay bar and one piss-poor reason Derek does.

...Just a fic exploring why the heck Stiles didn't jump down a rabbit hole of learning ALL the magic once he figured out he could do it.

...Like Kate, I ALSO have a fic bunny about Derek forgetting Stiles in season 6A. Essentially just an excuse to cause both myself and my fave Team Woof characters intense distress, really. :P

La traviata AU: this one's Kurofay, though. Fay = Violetta and Kurogane = Alfredo. Again, I'm allergic to killing my gays, so I guess this is an AU of a tragic opera with a happy ending?

If you wanna know anything more about these fic ideas, drop me an ask about any of these HERE.

I'd love to hear about any of your unwritten bunnies, @scribblesandsorcery, so I'm tagging you :)