#LOVE ME THINKING ABOUT THE DIFFERENT DYNAMICS THAT ONLY EXIST AT THE TENSION OF PROFESSIONAL SPORTS AND ROMANCE

[t1erradelfuego]

[soulmeshart]

Why Stolitz will be endgame

Since the latest episode of Helluva Boss dropped (episode 5) I’ve been seeing a lot of people simply pointing out that Stolitz is problematic and toxic and that it shouldn’t be shipped. However these people never really think about the fact that  a) this is only the fifth episode b) where the ship is heading So I’m here to talk about that. What we’ve seen in these first 5 episodes is simply a look at what the relationship between these two is and who they are individually. This episode in particular was great because it pointed out two important things to us: 1. Blitzo doesn’t hate Stolas’ and deep down probably craves some sort of romantic relationship between them 2. The core issues of their current relationship Let me elaborate both of these 1. So far we’ve had the impression that Stolas is simply a nuisance to Blitzo and that he is simply using him for the book. All of their interactions up until this episode we’re pretty negative and made it seem like their relationship is purely sexual and that it exists for business reasons only. Episode 2 let us know that Stolas wants to get Blitzo involved in his life outside of the whole “transactional fucking” thing and this episode let us know that, well, Blitzo really doesn’t mind that. Think back to the first scene in episode 5. If Blitzo only wanted a purely professional relationship with Stolas or even hated him(as some people believe for whatever reason), he wouldn’t have agreed to go to the Harvest Moon Festival. There was nothing for him to gain by going there and he agrees to the invite without any real hesitation. This let’s us know that Blitzo doesn’t hate Stolas and is fine with being involved with him outside of their deal. Now for the “craving for some sort of romantic relationship part”. There are 2 hints about this in the episode. The first one comes in the scene where Blitzo tries to explain his relationship with Stolas to Striker and gets really emberassed. Remember what Striker says: “So you even conned that ditzy blue blood into getting you to the surface.” If this was the case Blitzo probably would’ve been proud of himself and simply confirmed that what Striker just said was true. But that wasn’t what happened. He got flustered and started fumbling his words around. The second hint is in the scene when Blitzo finds out that Striker is planning to assassinate Stolas. Striker tries to get to Blitzo to get him to join his side. He keeps telling him things that clearly bother Blitzo. For example: how the system is rigged against him. In those things he also lists the fact that Blitzo is being treated by Stolas as a toy/plaything. Now, why would Blitzo be bothered by this if his and Stolas’ relationship really is purely transactional. If that were the case then they’re both just using eachother and that’s the end of that. Blitzo is using Stolas for the book and Stolas is using Blitzo for sexual favors. Now weather this is or isn’t the case isn’t important here, what’s important is the fact that Blitzo doesn’t want this to be the case. Aka he wants his relationship with Stolas to be something more.

2. Now let’s look at the core issues of their relationship which are all presented in this episode very nicely. Stolas does a lot of condescending things to Blitzo throughout the episode. He baby-talks to him twice, puts out a cigar on his horn (though we know fire doesn’t hurt imps, it’s still disrespectful), he shows him off in public like he’s some sort of thing, etc. Now let me clear this up first, Stolas’ intentions aren’t malicious. He loves and cares about Blitzo. When it comes to the show, we know this because a) If Stolas just wanted to fuck an imp, he could’ve gone to way less trouble to do so and wouldn’t have to lend out his book which is VERY important b) He wouldn’t try to get Blitzo involved with his personal life and the most important person in his life, his daughter. A parent introducing their SO to their child is a pretty big deal. Now Stolas should’ve considered both Blitzo’s and Octavia’s feelings before doing that however we know that he really isn’t experienced with healthy relationships with other people (romantic and platonic). If we’re talking outside of the show, there are official instagram accounts for all of the Helluva Boss characters. The two most active ones are actually Blitzo’s and Stolas’ (jeez i wonder why). Now these accounts we’re confirmed to not be a 100% canon in the sense that not everything that happens there happened in the actual universe of the show. However Viv has stated that these accounts are ran by people who know all of the characters PRETTY GOOD. And in case you haven’t seen these accounts, Blitzo and Stolas have a lot and i mean A LOT of very positive interactions there. Sure we will occasionally get a horny comment left by Stolas’ on one of Blitzo’s posts or even a horny post of his own regarding Blitzo. But what we see more is just genuine wholesome stuff between the two. For example: Stolas constantly leaving positive comments on Blitzo’s posts such as telling him to have fun when he goes to hang out with either Loona or M&M, him supporting Blitzo’s passion for art and horses, we also get to see him putting up missing posters and searching for Blitzo at one point when Blitzo get’s lost. We see him visiting Blitzo to take care of him when he’s sick,etc. The list goes on and on. Obviously most of this didn’t happen but what’s important is the fact that Stolas clearly cares about Blitzo, like, a lot actually. The show hasn’t gone to this point yet but this is clearly where it’s headed. Plus the official twitter account for Helluva Boss reposts a ton of Stolitz fanart and they don’t do this for other ships, except M&M.

Now back to the issues of the relationship. All of the things I’ve listed (the baby talk, the cigar thing,etc.) wouldn’t seem like much of an issue IF there clearly wasn’t a class difference between them. In this episode the show REALLY let’s us know how bad imps have it. It’s rare to see them start businesses, the system is rigged against them, Stolas is also kind of condescending to them in his speech (though it’s obvious he actually does like imps and he isn’t intentionally being like this. He even calls the Harvest Moon Festival “charming”). I don’t think he realizes how inappropriate his behavior is. I think future episodes will almost a 100% tackle the topic of Stolas’ realizing how different the lives of imps are from his. This will also let him have a better understanding of Blitzo. All of his actions towards Blitzo through the episode, even thought they’re made with good intent, to Blitzo it just seems like Stolas sees him as a toy (even thought this isn’t the case).

In short, on one side we have Blitzo who is craving a romantic relationship (specifically with Stolas) but believes that Stolas is simply using him for sexual reasons and deeply dislikes his unintentionally condescending attitude towards him, and on the other side we have Stolas, who had lead a loveless life for years and has finally fallen for someone but is too blinded by his infatuation for Blitzo and the thrill of love to consider how Blitzo is feeling and the difference between their positions.

Now, this ship is going to be an end game ship a 100%. What we’ve seen so far is only what the starting point of their relationship is. They’re both going to grow as the show goes on and so will their relationship. Stolas will learn to consider other peoples emotions (which isn’t only a problem specifically related to Blitzo but also his daughter), the struggles of imps and how to properly convey his emotions so that Blitzo doesn’t mistake them as purely sexual. And Blitzo will also need to learn how to open up his heart and to stop running away from others (which is something he does I’m assuming, it looks like he ran away from his relationship with Verosika and it seems like their relationship was p serious given the fact she has a tattoo with his name).

Also while I do think Striker and Blitzo have a fun dynamic, I don’t think this is even an option as an end game ship. The sexual tension was high but that’s about it. Plus Striker was trying to manipulate Blitzo which isn’t cool in my book. Not against the ship tho.

So yeah, gonna reblog this when these 2 idiots (stolas and blitzo) get together with a big “told ya so”.

[sullustangin]

Darth Marr and Satele Shan:  Names and Priorities

I’ve reached the point in my Yavin fic that I’m starting to use Marr’s POV on occasion.  One of the things I’ve been chewing on (likely to the annoyance of others) has been the Marr-Satele-Theron dynamic during the Yavin 4 op.  It’s clear that Satele and Marr have put aside differences and have become friends (as much as a Force ghost and a self-exiled Jedi Master can be friends) by Chapter 12 of KotFE. 

I give credit to @swtorpadawan for posting about Satele on Yavin 4 a few months ago and being willing to have continued discourse about the post -- thank you.  In comments and reblogs, there’s been discussion about how to interpret Satele’s references to Theron during the op and her motivations for why she does this. 

This is a spin-off of that post, since I’ll be focusing more on the dynamic between Marr and the Shans instead of Theron and Satele. 

During the Yavin op, Theron is consistently referred to as Theron, not as Agent Shan or as Shan.  The issue of his last name is avoided.   A few people (including me) have the headcanon that ‘Shan’ is a common name in the galaxy, like Smith or Patel or Garcia would be on our world; two people named Shan does not a family connection make, necessarily.  It would explain why Theron doesn’t have a code name (though he jokingly? complains about it on first meeting). 

And yet, Satele avoids using the name in reference to Theron.  So does Marr.  And Theron doesn’t insist on being referred to by his last name, even though his peer, Lana Beniko, is referred to as ‘Beniko’ by Marr. (Satele never addresses Lana using her name.)

Why the dance? 

Honestly, when I try to reverse-engineer dev!logic, in terms of the game design for Yavin 4, I’d guess it was done to help the player differentiate between Grand Master Shan and Agent Shan.  And maybe that’s all it is: calling Theron “Theron” just keeps the player from getting confused, especially if the player isn’t a Jedi and doesn’t know Satele; and/or skipped the Forged Alliances quests and thus doesn’t know Theron.

Within the universe, however, what’s an explanation a player can come up with?

The Spies in Question

Theron’s name was broadcast across the galaxy as a wanted man for killing Colonel Darok.  He was to be apprehended on sight, but Theron was a spy; spy agencies to this day rarely let any images of their active duty agents be circulated, even if they do go rogue or defect to the other side.  Theron’s image in direct connection to his name and job as SIS agent would be on a need-to-know basis.  This has led me to headcanon that Director Trant was well-aware of Theron going off the grid; in fact, he aided and abetted it.

Lana, on the other hand, was a known member of the Sphere of Military Offense.  She commanded troops on Hoth.  She had a known face, and there was an Imperial bounty contract on her head, per Theron at Manaan.  If anything, Lana was in as much danger as Jakarro; someone could try to claim the bounty on her head, since the bounties weren’t lifted til the end of the Yavin op.

And yet, Theron’s name was the unspeakable one. 

Satele and Theron

As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I feel that the dynamic between Theron and Satele is not that of son and mother; both of them have gotten past that decision.  Rather, it’s more similar to a child who was given up for adoption looking for some sort of acknowledgement from his birth family -- it’s not love.  It’s not approval.  It’s.... complicated.  Acknowledgement of existence.  Acknowledgement that the decision had impact on Theron well beyond his first year of life.  Acknowledgement that Satele hurt Jace. 

I’ve interpreted Theron’s bristling at the use of the term “my agent” to be more directed at the possessiveness of the word, yet how far apart they still are, despite the biological connections.  Technically, Yavin 4 was the first time they worked on an op together.  This was their first professional collaboration.  They haven’t seen each other socially, they can’t talk about their issues/relationship/whatever.....and they have to save the galaxy together.

Giving up Theron doesn’t mean Satele felt nothing. She privately struggles with what she did and how it turned out -- still does, based on 6.2.   However, she, like Jace and Theron, believe in serving the cause at great personal cost.  Seeing Theron beat to hell after Rishi bothered her -- it would bother anyone with any sense of compassion (which she does have).  Theron got the beatdown he did because he was taken by the Revanites.  Revan attempted to convince Theron to join him on Yavin 4 by invoking the idea that they are flesh and blood -- family.

Pretty sure Revan wasn’t talking about the Malcom side.  Satele knew that.  Was there a sense of protectiveness for Theron because of what happened immediately before Yavin 4?  I think so, yes, but it’s not motherly.

Theron’s experience on Rishi probably made Satele hyperaware that if Theron was of interest to the Revanites, then the Empire would doubly interested in Theron if they knew that he was not only an heir of Revan, but that the Grand Master of the Jedi Order was his biological mother.   Referring to him as “my agent” may be Satele’s way to avoid using any part of his name on Yavin 4.

I’m willing to bet, regardless of any efforts to ignore or conceal Theron’s name, that Marr quickly figured out that the agent who managed to outfox Revan, resist torture, get Marr’s attention, and unravel an intergalactic conspiracy was something special to the Republic.  Odds were that this agent had acted against the Empire.

Marr would be interested.

The History of Darth Marr and Satele Shan

Prior to Yavin 4, Marr and Satele had most recently squabbled over Makeb in the Hutt Cartel expansion through their various operatives.  When Marr saw Satele on the Imp side Battle of Rishi, he bowed.  He respected her and she respected him.  I didn’t get any other impression from their interactions. They saw each other as equals, though on rival sides; that creates tension, since a fight between them would be a draw or mutually assured destruction.  It’s highly likely they fought against each other in the previous Galactic War (which I’ll talk about below). 

Marr was born in 3702 BBY, Satele in 3699 BBY.  They’re about the same age, and they ascended almost equally quickly when the Sith returned in 3681 -- Satele is 18, Marr is 21.  I have spoken about how Satele and Jace (who seems to be somewhere between 16 and 20 in the trailer) were essentially just kids when the conflict started.  So was Marr.

The big difference, in terms of how their characters are constructed, is that we have the end product of Marr.  Period.  We don’t know what his name was before he took on the name ‘Darth Marr.’  We know nothing about his family, his relationships, his struggles.  As Marr said later to the player in KotFE, he wanted to be a symbol to the Empire.  Marr did not let himself be just a man.

Darth Marr is not the singular leader of the Sith.  Marr is the head of the Sphere of Defense of the Empire for decades, and as of the Battle of Corellia and the death of Darth Decimus, he also becomes the head of the Sphere of Military Strategy.  With 2 of Military Spheres in his grasp, Marr was the de facto leader of the armed forces of the Sith Empire.  The Sphere of Military Offense passed from Baras to Arho and then to Arkous after Ilum.  When Arkous is killed by the player’s character, there is no indication as to who was the next head; that Sphere is never spoken of again in-game.  We may assume Marr took hold of that.  Either way, he has become the de facto leader of the Sith Empire.  His voice, his robes and mask -- immediately recognizable to the whole galaxy.

The creators of content for SWTOR took the opposite approach to Satele. We can read about how her mother Tasiele was forced into exile when Satele was still a child.  We meet Satele at 18 in a SWTOR trailer during the first Sith incursion at Korriban.  We see her in comics fighting against the Empire.  We see her at the Battle of Alderaan against Malgus.  In Annihilation,we see bits and pieces of her falling in love with Jace Malcom and hoping she doesn’t get too attached... until a pair of permanent complications occur in 3667 BBY:   Jace was severely maimed in the Battle of Alderaan, and Satele got pregnant.  Jace’s injuries made him a much harder person than the soldier Satele met in 3681 BBY; he scared her with his hatred of the Empire. 

I’ll take a moment here to say that Satele wasn’t dumb or naive when she made the decision about Theron.  Satele was at least 32 years old, possibly 33 by the time Theron was born in 3666 BBY. She wasn’t a teen having a knee-jerk “oh noes, he’s evil” moment.  She had been in a constant state of war for 15 years when she got pregnant.   It’s in that context that Satele was concerned that Jace’s hatred could drag their child to the Dark Side... but also, Satele’s love for her child would make it impossible for her to serve the Republic without a second thought.  She couldn’t fight and die for the Republic if she was always preoccupied with coming home to her baby.

So she let Theron go.  She had other adventures.  She was at the Treaty of Coruscant.  Satele founded Tython.  She became the Grand Master of her order.

We don’t get any of that pathos or glory with Marr.   Marr IS.  Marr is the Empire. He is the best of them.  He has been, is, and will be. 

The odds are pretty good that Marr and Satele met each other in combat, directly or indirectly. The bow on Imp side Rishi is a big thing for me that points to that.  Also, look at their responsibilities during the last war.  Marr was responsible for not only defending Korriban and what would become the Imperial core, but also any gains the Sith made over time against the Republic.  That’s the job of the Sphere of Defense of the Empire; taking planets was somebody else’s rodeo, not Marr’s.  His job was to defend... something the Imperial people living on these planets would love him for.  He was their protector against brutish Republic troops and their systemic corruption. 

Satele was responsible for winning those territories back; we see her on counter-strikes against the Sith.  Satele is cast as the liberator of people imperiled by the spreading Sith Empire, not a conqueror taking new territory.  Marr probably had to defend against Satele at least once in their careers, possibly multiple times.  If she was absent from the front lines for any period of time, Marr would have noticed; he had to anticipate the next move of Republic counterstrikes as part of his job. 

And indeed, Satele was absent for an extended period.  How long Satele was absent from the battlefield due to her pregnancy, we don’t know. Satele did continue her battlefield duties for “months” after she found out.  The only information we have about post-partum Satele is that she stopped visiting Baby Theron at 6 months old, according to Lost Suns.  I don’t think she could just skip off at random while in command, so I think she probably was off the battlefield at least 10 months (last 4 months of her pregnancy, 6 months post-partum), possibly as long as 18 months, since Gnost-Dural reports she was assigned to duty with the Republic Navy at some point in 3665 BBY.  She did give birth on a random planet in a cave, so she didn’t exactly have the best medical care immediately.  Maybe there were complications. Maybe she did show early. We don’t know.

Regardless of the timeline, Marr would have been paying attention.  Marr would have noticed when Satele Shan stopped fighting for the Republic.  Where was she?  What was she doing?  Was this part of a greater plot by the Republic?  What were they planning?  And when Satele did return, he may well have wondered what she had been up to.  But no matter; she had returned.  Marr had to be ready.

There’s no obvious indication in the game as to when Marr figures out Satele and Theron are mother and son.  He makes no comment to indicate that he knew before Rishi.  Based on Marr’s dialogue in game on the Imperial side, he heavily suggests that he knows who Theron is by the time Iven, the former commandant of the Imperial Guard, is taken into custody and it’s time to interrogate him. Satele objects to Marr’s plans to torture Iven.  “And what do you think your agent has done in the Republic’s name?” is Marr’s response. 

The delivery of ‘your agent’ is indicative that Marr knows.

Theron himself stated at the end of the Imp side romance that if he was indeed recruited by the player to join the Empire, people would be suspicious that he’d be working for his mother.  That would have to include Darth Marr. 

Personally, I would guess that the after-action reports from Lana and Theron would have some clues for Marr.  However, once Theron had healed up from the Rishi events, Marr may well have taken one look at Theron standing next to Satele, and then had an epiphany so immense it gave him a headache that Lana felt across the compound.  There’s the answer.  That’s why she disappeared for almost two years, twenty-nine years ago. Theron Shan.

(According to Jace in Annihilation, Theron has some similar features to his mother. He doesn’t specify which ones.)

The Lie of Omission

A lie of omission is permitting an inaccuracy or a falsehood to continue to circulate without correction, even though the person knows the truth. (In contrast, a lie of commission is when you actively make something up or contribute to the lie -- you commit the act lying.)  Marr signals he knows who Theron is by the time Iven is retrieved from the Imperial Guard training facility on Yavin, but he never says the name Theron Shan out loud.   It’s simply “the agent” “your agent” or “Theron.”  But not Agent Shan.

The use of “Theron” in the Pubside story is most eyebrow-raising.  

Marr calls people by their titles. Marr always keeps professional distance.  Underlings are uniformly referred to by their titles.  Lana doesn’t like titles, so Marr doesn’t refer to her as Lord Beniko or Darth whatever;  it’s just Beniko.

Calling someone by their first name is highly irregular.  He does not refer to Satele as such until 6.2 (and that might be the Socratic Problem of Marr in the player’s memory rather than the real Marr).  It’s always Grand Master or Grand Master Shan. In a unique instance in the game, Marr calls Theron by his given name when he finds the Imperial Guard’s buildings in ruins during the Pubside story:  “But given the destruction Theron describes, it’s mostly likely a distress call.”  This is before the Pub operative annoys Marr by going to the Imperial Guard facility by themselves; it’s not said in anger or in irritation.  It’s said under ‘normal’ circumstances (if circumstances on Yavin are normal at all). 

But why?  Why not “Agent Shan”?  That would differentiate him from Grand Master Shan.  Just referring to the pair as Grand Master and Agent would work too; how many Grand Masters and SIS Agents are running around on Yavin 4?  Why is Marr avoiding attention to the man’s last name?

And why doesn’t Marr hop on this and use it to the Empire’s advantage?

Pragmatism and Prioritization

Marr is not a Jedi.  Marr doesn’t do things for the greater good.  He does things for the Sith Empire and for the people of the Sith Empire.  Offing Theron Shan?  Definitely on the agenda.  So is killing Satele, eventually.

But not now.  Not on Yavin 4.

Marr is probably the person closest to knowing what Revan is going to try to do in order to make the Emperor take physical form again so he can kill him.  It’s going to involve a lot of dead people.  That can easily happen; up until this tiny fragile cease fire between Marr and Satele, the Empire and the Republic have been engaged in a hot war. When they first make camp on Yavin, there is a real possibility they’ll frag each other regularly.  This is why players have to do daily quests, in theory -- to build good will between the factions. 

My partner is a military nerd and a Star Wars nerd.  He watched both version of the Battle of Rishi.  His conclusion:  based on the ships we see, Marr had more than twice the number of troops that Satele did (I put the numbers in my Yavin 4 fic).  The Imperial troops, at Marr’s word, probably could wipe out the Republic forces on Yavin 4, pack up, and head back to Dromund Kaas in time for tea.

But they won’t.  Marr wouldn’t permit it.

He knows how dangerous the Emperor is, and if he does let his troops kill the Pubs, they feed him. There also appears to be some sort of weird mystical thing going on with Revan’s bloodline.  Revan knew highly personal information about Theron (and Theron says so when the player opens the temple later on); somehow, Theron was able to use that connection to get Revan to give up Yavin 4 and secure an invite there at the end of the Rishi op.

Marr knows about this.  Marr doesn’t know what Revan would do if Marr did kill Theron or Satele, plus there’s the more predictable possibility that the Republic would respond to the death of Satele Shan thanks to the Jedi feeling it through the Force.  Chancellor Saresh would not let that opportunity pass by, even if it did feed the Emperor; we saw that at Ziost. 

Grand Master Shan is a public figure.  Her name and her power is obvious to everyone in the Yavin camp.  Theron, however, is everything his mother is not.  He is a spy.  His face is not known to the general public.  His work is secret, his exact abilities unknown.

Sure, the last name is common enough....

But Theron and Satele have never worked together before.  They’ve never operated in such close proximity before.  Yavin 4 would be the first time all the pieces could fall into place to someone observant.  Marr is many things, but one of the things he really gets annoyed about in regard to the Sith is their arrogance.  They get such fat heads that they can’t see obvious danger or they overlook aliens and non-Force Sensitives to their own detriment. 

Marr isn’t arrogant.

He doesn’t think he’s the only one who can see a family similarity or sense some connection between them.  Saying someone’s name is a powerful thing; we get upset when someone screws up our name.  It’s how our attention is attracted.  Shared last names of interesting people attract attention.  Attention leads to distraction away from the primary goal of stopping Revan and the Emperor.

That’s something Marr doesn’t want to deal with right now.  Revan and Emperor now.  The Shans later.  He avoids referring to Theron as “Shan” so as to reduce any chance that some young Sith will attempt to make their bones killing Theron, since that would spell doom for the Empire, whether through Revan’s anger or the Republic’s revenge.  It would also help empower the Sith Emperor to retake physical form, which is the last thing Marr wants him to do. 

Exposing the Grand Master as having a secret son would remove an ally from the field for Marr; Marr doesn’t want to destroy his assets before he’s used them to their full ability.  There’s no point in burning Satele Shan on Yavin 4 before Revan is dealt with. 

...And Marr respects her.  It’s a cheap way to win against a rival he knows to be his equal.

Marr wants to end Revan and the Emperor now, in that order, to defend the people of the Empire.  He’ll worry about the Shans later.  Marr will let Theron’s last name be overlooked and unmentioned, if only because it makes his job as Defender of the Empire less complicated for a few months.

**

Thanks again to @swtorpadawan​ and also @inyri​ @shabre-legacy​ @theniveanlegacy​ for discussing the original post about Satele and Theron and making me think about this.  

Headcanon Postface:

This last bit is purely my headcanon ideas about Marr, so you can leave here if you so desire. I’m placing them here rather than making a separate post and having to link back to this one. 

As I’ve described previously, we have the finished product of Darth Marr, with none of the personal insight that was provided for Satele Shan.  Who’s under the mask?  Nobody knows, really.  His first comic book adventure takes place in 3678, when he’s about 24 years old.  There’s nothing about his life beforehand that would let the player wonder how his past life affected his current decisions.  Marr ultimately would do the best he could for the Empire, regardless, but knowing if he ever hesitated, ever had second thought, had a regret -- that would make him mortal. 

And Marr is an icon, not a man, in the grander SWTOR universe, per the writers. That’s the point driven home to the player.  So that leaves it to fan fic to take off the mask or not. 

In “The Planter of Trees and Other Tales from Yavin 4,” Marr comes to this conclusion about the Shans’ relationship after observing two Shan chins.  He then alludes to understanding Satele’s decision to conceal Theron’s existence.

After Marr had gained his seat on the Dark Council (late 3680s, early 3670s), a lot of Sith families wanted him to add to their prestige. The man needed a legacy; he needed heirs.  Marr had already set himself on his path, however; he understood that it was better to be an icon.  If Marr was a normal man, he would be weakened by family connections, love, protectiveness, concern for his personal future.  Instead, Marr’s devotion to the Empire was unmatched and pure.  In the public’s eye, he was the great defender. He was the perfect Sith.

Marr never did have a public wife or a political marriage. His private life -- better secured than Imperial state secrets -- produced a  daughter that did not inherit her talents from her Force-Using parent.  Marr had been relieved that his daughter was not like him.  It meant she would never be pressured to come into public life. It meant she was free of the burden of his legacy. 

Lately, I’ve considered that, regardless of having access to the Force or not, a child of Marr was always in danger of becoming a pawn.  She was something Marr’s enemies could use against him, if they ever found out about her; being Force-Null simply meant that others could not detect her as easily. That may have also have been a concern of Satele in regard to Theron, especially as she rose through the ranks of the Jedi Order.  As soon as Marr could let his daughter fly away from Dromund Kaas, he did.  She was free. 

She died shortly before the Sack of Coruscant.  Marr did not go to her. The Empire had to matter more.  That doesn’t mean he didn’t love her.  He just never could prioritize her over the Empire. 

In my fic universe, Marr understands Satele’s choices.  He can keep his mouth shut.  For now. 

Theron is far more dangerous to the rival faction than Marr’s daughter ever was, however; he is an active player in the war, while she... just got caught in the middle, in the end....

Revan and Emperor now.  Shans later.

**

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 15 rewatch thoughts

- mayfeld does hear when the droid talks to him the first time, you can see him pretending not to like he hopes he’ll just go away haha. I also guess he’s had a lot of time to think, picking apart pieces of the large fascist machine he used to be a part of and going over everything he clearly regrets 

- hahaha fennec and boba are in the back intensely keeping watch the entire time they’re on the prison planet. I suppose a good two thirds of this crew is uuuuh extremely wanted by the new republic lol

- the thing din’s voice does at the end when he says “but you still know your imperial clearances and protocols. don’t you.” is beyond fucking words, it sends a chill right through me

- 

1) din fiddling with that panel; I think he’s phenomenally nervous behind the helmet here, that’s the sort of keeping his hands busy he does when he’s anxious and 2) why the hell does boba have this many chairs instead of like space for cargo haha does he throw bounty hunter parties in here or what

- ngl boba correctly guessing at a glance what sort of ore they’re mining and informing everyone in his sardonic deadpan voice is Big Sexy  

I love how he and fennec are standing together when they’re both present in these opening scenes too, first at the very back when they’re keeping a lookout: 

and then in the foreground while they discuss the scan 

it’s a nice subtle way to get across that they already have a dynamic, they’re somewhat used to working together as a unit at this point. (she’s also looking over at him when she asks what they might be mining in there, like she’s mostly asking his opinion instead of opening it to the floor. they’re talking the mission out between them before din enters the conversation)

- the inside of slave 1 when the ship’s moving makes me a little bit motion sick, I really love seeing it but I hope we don’t stay in here too often haha

- aaaw the small weary sigh din gives upon realizing none of his bros can go with mayfeld. I’m sorry about basically your entire life buddy

-

the awkward way din adjusts the helmet like he’s trying to get used to the way it feels ;______;  

- ah the distinct implication that mayfeld is needling din about this because he’s actually feeling super uncomfortable being back in empire gear and he needs to transfer that discomfort over onto someone else so he won’t have to feel through it... very psychologically understandable and such a fucking piece of shit asshole character trait to give in to haha

- din’s level of side eye is so epic you can see it straight through the helmet fhaskjfhd

- neat detail: din’s head turns slightly toward mayfeld when he calls mandalorians a ‘race’. (it’s sort of cool  that we as the audience know why that bothers him, but mayfeld probably didn’t even pick up on it). also shows that mayfeld doesn’t actually quite understand what he’s talking about, even when he makes decent points he’s caught up in his own myopic nihilistic point of view. ‘we’re all the same’ ------> ‘everyone’s secretly as shitty as me deep down’. (which also betrays a lot of self loathing, since we see later he does have the capacity to NOT be that shitty when he chooses to. rick famuyiwa manages to get a LOT of really interesting nuanced stuff into this character in two short episodes, that’s super impressive)   

the bright sunny look on mayfeld’s face when din finally gives in and takes the bait tho fsajdkfhasj he’s awful but that’s very funny

- rip all these excellent dudes who really only wanted to accomplish the noble goal of ruining the empire’s entire day and didn’t know they were also trying to blow up My Dad Who Does Not Deserve Any Of This, it’s honestly just really sad that there’s no moment to talk that out

well at least they blew up the entire refinery on their way out, I’m sure that’s the way they would have wanted their memories honored lol

- the comedy beat of din running out of ammo for the first time ever and the music briefly cutting out for it is so so good for me 

hahahaha din seems to actually take a moment to be a little aghast at that dude who ends up crushed under the treads of the tank thing, he’s just sort of staring for a few seconds too long and that’s how pirate nr 2 takes him by surprise and shatters his shoulder armour 

- I feel a bit bad -- two of the ‘pirates’ try to hold on to each other for balance and then din punches them apart and off the tank :( I mean it’s not like he could just let them murderate him either but like. ouch I’m guessing this one might haunt him for a while for several reasons huh

(the sequence is actually this guy, let’s call him pirate 3, swings the spear at din and misses, instead hitting his buddy who’s trying to get to his feet, then looks horrified and grabs for him to make sure he doesn’t fall off, and then... mando’s forehead happens to them haha)

- poor fennec and cara just running up that hill while everything’s on fire, they must be wondering what the FUCK is going on (at least cara knows that things blowing up is a sure sign din djarin is in the middle there somewhere)

- everything about carano in real life aside for one second -- I do like that we get this contrast in build between our main female characters of the episode and the way their costume designs enhance it

 - awwww the little gesture din does with his hand after he removes it from mayfeld’s chest after stopping him from leaving, it’s just so... sweet. it’s a little bit appeal, a little bit reassurance, it just lightens/softens the tone of what he says a bit (he has quite a lot of like... not conciliatory mannerisms exactly, but small touches here and there that are there to communicate that he’s not angry/aggressive or trying to be a dick about it even when he’s emphatic. I keep wondering how much that is just him being him and how much is him being practiced at settling other people’s hot tempers)  

- this shot is just... genius

it’s din seen entirely from the outside, with nothing of what we’ve learned to recognize as him for almost two seasons now in view -- not even his face, which we have at least a tenuous fledgling attachment to from before. it’s like we get introduced to him almost as if anew again and again in this episode, just like he’s getting introduced to new aspects of himself and what he’s willing to do and having to struggle to find ways to have that fit with who he is. his discomfort and stress is our discomfort and stress. it’s so interesting 

- I can’t stop cackling at this moment even in all the tension -- you only get a sliver of din’s profile but you can feel the sheer MURDER radiating off him sdhfasjk

- aaaaaaaagh the way you get a whole different view of din’s habitual impassiveness when you can actually see his face... the way he keeps appealing to mayfeld ‘just don’t make more trouble, just shut up’, the way he goes completely silent and watchful and frozen..... those are all really obvious trauma responses, and it leads you to wonder how often he touches into that even when he’s in his element, when he’s got the full armour on. hmngh my heart  

- ‘the believer’ is such a galaxy brain title for this episode, because it could be referring to either of the three men around this table or all of them at once. (and crucially the only person whose beliefs aren’t in a living, breathing state of adapting to the world around them is the empire officer, with his horrific inhuman ideology. mayfeld thinks he believes in nothing, and proves himself explosively wrong by the end of the episode, and it’s redeeming for him in some capacity. din is facing a more internal dilemma of different parts of his (and his culture’s) beliefs/values clashing and having to decide which one’s more important, to his identity and to how to exist in the world as a person (and love for the baby wins out supremely in the end. of course it does Y_____Y). the empire dude only sees the same sterile fascist world at the end of his shit rainbow that he’s clearly always done, even when faced with proof that it’s untenable. (I mean he wouldn’t give a fuck that it’s immoral because he’s y’know evil, but he’s not even fazed by the fact that the empire provably FAILED, and failed so quickly) his belief is a dead and deadening thing to contrast the others. man when this show goes off with the themes it goes OFF haha) 

- love the triumphant heroic mando music kicking in as we’re finally getting to pick off imps, love that for us 

- din’s protective instincts at work again, he helps mayfeld to his feet and makes sure he’s safely on board before going further in himself ;_______;

- fennec’s professional approval at mayfeld’s shot hahaha. well I guess he was supposed to be a sharpshooter back in the day huh

I do Not think she likes mayfeld even after all that, though, the withering look she sends him on her way past... should have killed him stone dead on the spot

- seeing din back in the armour is like a physical relief, I can breathe again haha

- tfw you catch yourself thinking ‘at least when all this is over we can go back to the razor crest and everything will be normal again’ and then you rEMEMBER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[jayz4dayz]

Can you rate Kakegurui ships??

[For the sake of keeping this as short as I possibly can, I am not going to be including Kakegurui Twin or Kakegurui Midari characters.]

Sure thing! I will go over as many as I can think of including some rare pairs too! There are even a couple straight ships I can think of as well. I know, scandalous~ 

Yumary: 4/10

As many of you probably know, I’m not the biggest fan of this ship. If you really want an in depth explanation as to why, I’d be happy to do so, but I’m keeping these short. 

Fanfic wise, it’s really a hit or miss with me, but usually I will skip a Kakegurui fic with a Yumary tag on it (if it’s the main ship/focus). I will admit though, I have seen some pretty dang cute Yumary fanfics that did catch my attention and left me happy after I read it. 

Meariri: 10/10 

Yes, yes, everyone knows I am the #1 supporter of this ship and again like I said with Yumary, if you want an in depth explanation for this I will, but this will forever be my favorite Kakegurui ship. My OTP. 

It’s just so damn cute and most fanfics I read with their tag gives me serotonin. I mean, what’s not to love? Shy, reserved Ririka x protective tsundere Mary is my jam. 

Kirasaya: 8/10 

Ah yes, the biggest ship in the fandom with a whopping 708 fic count on AO3 compared to the second biggest ship on AO3 (Meariri btw) with a 389 fic count.  I think it’s a tad overhyped and because it has so much attention, I kinda get bored of seeing strictly Kirasaya things everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong! I actually do like this ship a lot! Overall, it’s difficult to imagine Kirari without Sayaka by her side. I always enjoy seeing either fan art or fanfics depicting a flustered Sayaka and smug Kirari. Though bottom!Kirari is close to my heart <3

Yuridari: 9/10

Hell yeah, this is like my second favorite ship. Periodt. I am the captain of this ship and will never stop reading content produced for them. Honestly, this ship is the epitome of opposites attract. 

We have Yuriko who is calm, collected, and quiet, then we have Midari who is loud, vulgar, and chaotic almost at all times. The two have a very interesting balance and dynamic, that’s for sure!

Ryomeko: 6.5/10 

Ryota and Yumeko don’t have a ship name anywhere, so I just made one for them. Say what you will about Ryota, but I unlike most of the fandom, actually grew to like Ryota. At first I wasn’t too fond of him and didn’t ship him with anyone, but now I know he shows genuine care and concern towards Yumeko and to an extent Yumeko shows the same for him. Arguably, I have to say Ryota is really the only person I can see being with Yumeko where their relationship would be healthy and prosper which the past me would never admit to. Would I ever write them in a fic? Probably not since I don’t really write for straight ships, but I would for sure mention them as a pairing if it came to it!

Itsukaede: 1/10

This may be one of my least favorite ships, actually. I really dislike Itsuki’s relationship/friendship with Kaede and I have from the start. Even during Itsuki’s arc where she gains control over Kaede’s life, their dynamic as a whole seems toxic and I can’t understand why Itsuki has feelings for him. Maybe because she thinks he’s cute? I think he looks musty tbh

Ririsaya: 7/10

So I have not seen many fics, art, or people really talk about this ship, but I am genuinely intrigued by it. I myself plan on writing for this pairing eventually. My opinion on it is that both Sayaka and Ririka deserve good things and being with each other would not only be very good for the two of them, but would be adorable af. I look forward to exploring more their ship.

Miraitsu: 6.5/10

I like it a lot, however points are docked because they only have one real scene/arc together and it’s difficult to produce content of them since they have such little screen/manga appearances together or in general. I will say I like pairing Itsuki with Miroslava a whole lot more than shipping Itsuki with Kaede though. (I also love how the fandom has collectively declared Itsuki as bisexual and I am here for it and also accept that as canon)

Yumedari: 5/10

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty neutral about this ship. I don’t really ship it myself, but I’m not completely turned off by the idea of it either. I know it’s canon that Midari feels something for Yumeko, but I guess the reason why it’s hard for me to climb aboard this ship is because of Yumeko’s disgust towards Midari. Canon wise, this ship sunk long ago. Fandom wise, I know some Yumedari shippers are still kicking which I can respect as a rare pair shipper myself. 

Yumesaya: 5.5/10

Same as Yumedari basically. I don’t particularly ship this myself, but it has crossed my mind once again. This is basically Yumedari but with more tension, less masochism, and a shit ton of homoeroticism. The only difference is I could and might possibly give writing this pairing a try, hence why the plus half a point for the rating. 

Maryota: ??/10

People ship this?? With Mary’s gay ass and harem??? I don’t even have an opinion of this. It’s like shipping a straight man with a lesbian... oh wait-

Maryitsu: 3.5/10

Okay look. I can’t see them being anything more than friends, at most friends with benefits. The two of them have the romantic compatibility of a teaspoon in all honesty. Still better than Itsukaede though.

Yumemisaori: 8/10

SEVERLY UNDERATTED?! LIKE?? Hear me out. Cute shy assistant x bubbly pop star is so freaking sweet. Also, it makes Yumemi’s character much more likable in my eyes. Imagine being fawned over by thousands of men but you’re secretly a lesbian who’s in love with the girl who’s only supposed to have a professional relationship with you. I live for that ironic shit. In other words, it’s Kirasaya with more steps and more obstacles. 

Sayadari: 6/10

This is childhood friends to lovers and you cannot convince me otherwise. Canonly, I think it would be fair to say if Kirari wasn’t in the picture, Midari would be Sayaka’s love interest (if the creators focused on romantic relationships and the side characters and such). 

Kiramary: 4/10

This takes hot x cold to a whole new level. There could be sexual tension between these two for sure, but as for romantic... I stick with shipping Mary with the better other Momobami twin. Kiramary just isn’t for me. I am open to hearing any other opinions on this since I don’t think many people ship them anyway and it is a really rare pairing, but still exists. 

Welp, that’s all I can really think of at the moment! Let me know if you agree or if there are any ships missed! :)

[hazydaaze]

21 times Jane and Jacqueline from the Bold Type gave each other their heart (part 1)*

*I wanted to create a Janequaline gif museum of art and 10 wasn't enough. Part 2 is here.

—

I have been so struck with Jane and Jacqueline from the Bold Type. I can't believe how little their relationship has been analysed. They have one of the deepest connections out of all the couples on the show and I can’t unsee their burning love for each other. Most of their interactions (at least in seasons 1-3) are sensual, captivating, complex and honest. In scenes where Jane wants to be sick from nerves from being around Jacqueline, I WANT TO BE SICK FROM NERVES. Their chemistry is that deep-rooted and bloody dreamy.

They push each other out of their comfort zones, call each other out when they need to, and live in full love and respect for one another. Oh and every time they are around one another, you can just tell they want to fuck.

And here's the thing.

If Jacqueline was a male character, there is no doubt their relationship would be seen as romantic, heart-stopping and so, so, so sexual. They would be end-game.

I find this so frustrating.

Why can't Jacqueline and Jane be an actual thing, in an actual mainstream tv show? Why can't they normalise and celebrate relationships with two consensual women with an age gap, who love each other and are attracted to one another? Why are older women in shows deemed as nothing but ‘mother figures’, even when faced with dialogue such as "I want to live up to your expectations SEXUALLY" shows their dynamic is not purely platonic?

It's like as soon as women reach a certain age, they are portrayed as one dimensional - motherly, sexless characters in no way capable of being in a romantic relationship with a younger woman. (Jacqueline literally oozes sex and Jane is obsessed by her, so this couldn't be further from the truth.)

Beneath the surface, Jane and Jacqueline's relationship is so much more than a simple platonic mentorship with mother/daughter vibes. I don't think the show writers anticipated how strong their chemistry would be. It’s like the writers went half-way with it, giving the flirtation and longing looks between them without allowing it to happen because Jacqueline can only ever be a mother / mentor.

I wanted to write this post because we deserve female romantic relationships with healthy age gaps like theirs in mainstream media, on a show which champions all different types of relationships. Their relationship is important and it should be seen.

Together, Jane and Jacqueline’s potential to be two gay queens is SO real, it hurts. So, here's the moments they showed that, and gave their heart to each other (part 1).

—

1. Jacqueline refuses a phone call from Beyonce, in favour of staring at Jane with her mouth open. She's literally like, nah I'll call her back, i'm not done at making Jane reveal her soul to me. Special shout out to "No shit, Andrew", still one of the best lines ever. (S1, E1)

2. Jane submits one of her first articles, and Jacqueline tells her "It's excellent" while staring at her like she's her whole Earth and Jupiter and Mars and Solar system with spitting asteroids everywhere. (S1, E1)

3. Jane is nervous every time she's alone with Jacqueline. She has hypertension and just lets everything slip out. E.g. the classic confession: "I want to live up to your expectations sexually."

The sexual tension in this scene - r.i.p honeys, don't resurrect me. (S1, E2)

4. Jacqueline calls Jane late at night and they talk about her difficulty writing an article about never having an orgasm. The most mumsy convo ever riiight = no.

And yet... Jacqueline holds on to every word she says. (S1, E2)

5. Jacqueline constantly has to set professional boundaries with Jane, reminding her that she is her boss. This because a) In the beginning, Jane is kinda the most unruly and shit employee in existence and b) Their tension is cuttable via a knife. Daddy Jacqueline wants to keep her close, but not too close. (Every season, every scene)

6. Jacqueline invites Jane round to her posh gaff, and they sit on the sofa telling each other they love each other with their cute emotional retinas and hand holding. She also met her dog. (And hubby + kids but the dog is most significant.) (S1, E6)

7. Jane pitches Jacqueline a butt facial article, where she says "I am very interested in butt facials", and tells her she'd actually get one to write it. Jacqueline suddenly can't remember how to breathe and her ice cool exterior goes to shit. (S1, E8)

8. Jacqueline sees Jane laughing with Pinstripe, steps out of her office and says, "Jane, we need to talk." The territorial tigress will see you now. (S1, E9)

9. The whole scene of actual SEX GAZES where they are standing by the elevators, and it is unclear whether Jacqueline saw Jane's notebook with her Incite/Scarlet pros & cons list that she left in her office.

You cannot tell me Jacqueline's look there isn't a 'come to bed with me now' look. What is she saying if not that?!?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT ELSE IT COULD BE. (S1, E9)

10. Jane finally tells Jacqueline she is leaving Scarlet and she cannot hide how heartbroken she is. She looks like she is internally crumbling.

When she finds out Pinstripe cheated on her she looks 99% less bothered than this. Scarlet & Jacqueline are the actual loves of her life. (S1, E10)

I'll never forget working for you.

See you in part 2 where we can all collectively cry some more about how perfect they are.

[skullsandwineglasses]

You Are My Hero (2021) Review

Overall impression: The drama started off really cute and promising in the first half, but was weak and underwhelming in the second half. In-depth review below (with spoilers).

A cute and fluffy romance premise

Right off the bat, the love story between the leads is tropey as hell, but manages to not be tacky and is actually really endearing. The ML, a SWAT officer, rescues the FL, an aspiring neurosurgery medical resident, from a bank robbery 2 years ago. They leave a lasting impression on each other, but don't keep in touch afterwards. The FL never sees his face because he's wearing a mask, but the ML remembers her name. 

Fate brings them together again 2 years later when the FL enrolls in an emergency rescue training camp that’s supervised by the ML. He recognizes her and falls for her immediately, but she doesn’t know he’s the one who rescued her years ago. 

Their relationship starts off rocky, similar to how a CEO romance would start: the ML first appears cold and distanced, strict and brooding, but actually has a huge soft spot for the FL. The FL is put off by his coldness, but is sometimes surprised as random moments of tenderness. When the training camp is complete, the ML becomes a cute and awkward lovesick puppy who tries to figure out how to woo the FL because this is his first time (and hers) falling in love. It’s fun seeing him become so flustered around her when he’s usually so calm, collected, and in control as the leader of a SWAT team. 

On other hand, the FL slow falls for the ML when he reveals a more real and vulnerable side of himself. They banter a lot, but she slowly warms up to him. 

And as a no-nonsense drama, the two leads acknowledge their feelings for each other quickly (although they haven't directly admitted it to each other yet). They're in the awkward phase of attraction and going on semi-dates, but they haven't defined the relationship yet. *Sigh* First love. 

Things I enjoyed

I appreciate that although the FL is a Mary Sue, she does make mistakes. She's smart, but she isn't the top of her class. She’s kind and selfless, but she also isn’t overly tolerant of people. When people overstep their boundaries and are unjust to her, she’ll confront them. Ma Sichun is such a natural actress. She can do cute and flirty, she can be clueless and lost, she can be confident and in control, she can be angry and indignant. I especially loved her character’s adorable interactions with her best friend Xiao Xia. 

The acting in this drama was all around great. It’s probably the best part of the drama. It was so comfortable and fun to watch. I think AvenueX described it best: the acting in the drama was so natural that sometimes it felt like the actors broke character but the director kept the take. Some of the laughing, giggling, and gestures felt so genuine that you wonder if it was improvised, scripted, or a blooper scene that became canon.

I like how the FL and ML are each experts in their respective fields. They have very separate careers that occasionally intersect. I'm tired of CEO dramas where the FL is working for the ML, or there are class differences between them. Instead in this drama, the FL faces problems everyday at work that the ML doesn't know about. Her problems do not relate to him at all. She has problems that he can't understand or help with. Likewise, he also goes on missions that she isn't aware of. They work in completely different fields with different skill sets. They even talk about how their philosophies differ. Her job is to save lives but not make moral judgments of character, while his job is to enforce the law, which is all about assessing character. Where their careers do intersect, is the goal of saving others and putting others first before themselves. 

Another dynamic of the relationship that I really like is that the FL and ML are always occupied and on the move because of their professions, and yet, their loyalty and devotion to each other never change. They are each other's rock. Despite encountering so many different situations and people, despite all of the chaos and noise from their careers, nothing can really outweigh how important they are to each other. Despite being out in the field, far away from home, their hearts are anchored to each other. I just like this trope a lot, i.e., the trope of being away from home, but remaining true and loyal and unwavering. Despite having bigger and more important things in the world to deal with, their ultimate dream is wanting to just spend some time together. It's analogous to how in ancient period dramas, there are generals who command armies and and maintain a strictly professional demeanor and don't mention a word about their family to their soldiers, but when the general retires to his tent at night, he's writing a long and thoughtful letter home, because his loved one was on his mind all day. 

The supporting characters are great, but I do like the older and mature supporting couple (Xing Ke Yao and Shao Yu Han) more than the younger supporting couple (Xiao Xia and Shu When Bo), despite the actors playing the younger couple being literally my age. I also appreciate how the FL has multiple close friends who are quite separate from each other, instead of just the single token sidekick best friend (although the second half of the drama does just focus on one of her main friends). It's relatable because we all have different groups of friends. We have friends from high school, we have friends from college, and we have friends from work. Most of these friends are kept separate, and sometimes they interact. But I like how this drama shows that the FL has a small network of friends from different walks of life. 

Things I didn’t enjoy as much

The plot derailed and lost its charm after episode 30. There were fewer hospital cases, and the ML had to complete a mission that I had no interest in following. There was no other point to the superfluous mission besides to show that the ML has a busy and demanding job that prevents him from being at the FL’s side when she needs him the most. 

I also really, really disliked the introduction of the random love rival in episode 31 just to try to stir some angst. The plot device was pointless because in the end, there was no angst because the leads have a strong and healthy relationship, and so the love rival’s attempt at sabotaging the relationship was just laughable and completely random. It just disrupted the mood and pacing of the drama because that plotline just came out of the blue. It was just so annoying seeing the love rival and her sister cause trouble and wreak havoc in the FL’s workplace. 

The drama did a good job at showing how the leads put their careers first, which caused strain and tension in their relationship that they tend to ignore. But, the drama never explores this further, even though it’s a very real problem that many career-driven and ambitious couples face. The drama presents a very idealized vision of a relationship between a police officer and a doctor. Like when the FL leaves for a special research and training program in the States, the drama shows that the leads breezed through the two-year long distance relationship in a quick montage. They had no issue in communication. Yes, they miss each other, but they’re blissful. But what kind of long distance relationship has no bumps in it? The drama also implies that they never saw each other in person during two years (in the final episode, Xing Ke Lei squeezed her arms and said that since they haven’t seen each other in 2 years, he had to check if she was missing anything), which is highly unrealistic. Was she never able to go back home for the holidays? Did Xing Ke Lei, whose parents live and work overseas, never bother to visit his girlfriend? Overall, it seemed a little off to me that despite the budding tension and issues they’ve been having between them, they were able to overcome a long distance relationship so easily. You could argue that they’re used to long separations because of their work, and the drama has shown that they’re used to communicating over video calls, but I was just a little disappointed that they rushed this final plotline when so much more could have been done with it. 

Speaking of parents, we never actually got to see their parents. I understand that the parents are not relevant to the focus of the story, but the parents are rarely even mentioned, which further makes the romance in the story seem too idealistic. Whether it’s a near-death situation, getting engaged, or studying abroad for 2 years, the FL never mentions talking to her parents about these decisions and life changes. The drama handwaves the parents’ absence and lack of influence by having the FL mention early in the drama that her parents are busy with their business back home, so they don’t have time to worry about her. She also no longer bothers to update them about her work because she’s afraid they’ll be worried about her. And then from there, we never hear the FL mention her parents again. It’s just so weird to see that the most important person in her life is the ML and she only ever talks about major life choices with her friends. I mean, if the plot had said that she didn’t have a family, it wouldn’t have mattered. But the fact that she does mention her parents, but they’re completely absent and non-existent just felt a little off, like something was missing. But in the grand scheme of things, this is not really an issue. I’m just nit-picking. 

Lastly, I just want to comment on Bai Jingting as Xing Ke Lei. I admit that he sells the part well. At first I was skeptical about Bai Jingting as a SWAT officer because of how skinny and baby-faced he is, but he actually pulls it off surprisingly well and has some unexpectedly good chemistry with Ma Sichun too. Although during moments when he isn't talking and we're just left with his resting face, I'm suddenly hit by how young he looks, but then he speaks or is back in uniform and again, the gestalt shift goes back to Xing Ke Lei, the handsome SWAT officer. They made a point of showing how muscled his arms are, which was a little jarring to see in comparison to his youthful face, not gonna lie. So, while I liked him as Xing Ke Lei, it was a little distracting switching back and forth between seeing him as a really young, adolescent-looking actor, and him as the broad-chested character. 

Should you watch?

All in all, a really cute and easy-to-watch drama with some thoughtful and sentimental moments. Very fluffy. Minimal to no misunderstandings. Charming characters. There are the storylines of three couples with medical/police subplots interweaved between the romance. On bilibili, some people even edited clips of the drama with theme songs from TVB medical and police dramas like The Hippocractic Crush and Tiger Cubs. So, as someone who grew up with TVB dramas, it was nostalgic to see those thematic parallels. 

But, the drama does lose steam in the last 10 or so episodes, and has a lot of filler to stretch it out to 40 episodes. That’s the issue I have with modern dramas. The plot in modern dramas is usually quite basic, and I would argue that the modern romance is easier and less angsty. You either love each other or you don’t. You either are willing to commit or you’re not. There aren’t many external excuses for angst or misunderstandings. (Of course, I’m trivializing things; real life isn’t as easy). 

Still, I would recommend this drama for anyone who’s between dramas. I watched this drama to help me get over the rut I was in because I was going through withdrawal after finishing The Rebel Princess, so I needed a light-hearted drama whose genre was completely different from TRP. And this drama was perfect for breaking that rut. 

Rating: 8/10. Simple, fluffy, and not too much to complain about. I also forgot to talk about the great humour in the drama, but there were many moments when I laughed out loud or couldn’t stop grinning. This is also a drama you can take your time with because there aren’t constant cliff hangers to peg you on. It doesn’t consume your life, and you can pause (although, the first 18 or so episodes are definitely binge-worthy because the development of the leads’ relationship is just too cute, and so they suck you right in). However, while it is one of the better modern romance dramas I’ve watched (and the characters are very consistent), it’s not a very memorable drama. It doesn’t make me linger. I guess it’s because I’m more of a historical and xianxia drama kind of person. So take from that what you will. 

[nikibogwater]

Bogwater’s Guide to Writing Platonic Relationships

Have a seat, dears, pour yourself a mug of cocoa, and let’s talk about writing for a bit. Specifically, writing emotionally intense, compelling relationships that are completely devoid of any romantic tension.

“Niki, those don’t exist! The only relationships that are truly intense and compelling are the romantic ones! Everybody knows that!”

*gently bonks you on the head with my magic scepter* NO. This is a common misconception that is perpetuated by media and especially fandom culture. And it stems from this bizarre idea that emotional intimacy must always equate with romantic intimacy. I have no idea where this idea got its start, but if you ask literally anybody who has experienced real, genuine friendship in their life, they will tell you it’s absolute nonsense. Just because you’re not doing the kissy-kiss with someone, that doesn’t mean you’re not emotionally intimate with them.

“But I don’t want any emotional intimacy without the kissy-kiss! It’s boring!” 

Yeah, so, there’s a reason platonic relationships in modern media often feel less interesting than romantic ones, and it’s precisely because of what I said above. Media producers and many fic authors are skittish about showing platonic love with the same level of depth and emotional intensity as romantic, so it often ends up being somewhat watered down and simplified, to the point that it becomes a less interesting relationship. The only thing this does is perpetuate the idea that any and all emotional intimacy immediately implies romantic attraction (it does not) while also devaluing the very real importance of genuine friendship/familial bonds. 

“Okay, but what if I just like romance better?”

That’s your personal preference, and that’s okay! Everybody has their favorite genres and tropes that resonate with them more than others. My personal favorite is Family, Found or otherwise (with a healthy dose of Hurt/Comfort on the side), but I can totally understand if romance speaks to you more. HOWEVER. This does not excuse writers and other content producers from low-key asserting that romantic relationships are objectively “better” than platonic ones. Hard fact of life: Nobody needs to experience romance, and even those who do experience it do so in different ways. But everybody does need to have emotional connections with other people through the bonds of friendship and family. Believe it or not, romantic love is not a universal experience. Platonic though? Everybody knows that one, and everybody needs it to be happy. To devalue it as a whole is to impose a toxic mindset that forces people to experience relationships in a very narrow and restrictive way.

Okay--*steps off my soap box and kicks it to the side*--now that we’ve established that friendship is important and should be given the same value that society gives to romance, let’s talk about a few ways to write intense and compelling platonic relationships!

Emotional Intimacy:

I’ve talked about this a lot already, but just in case some of you are confused, emotional intimacy is just when two people have a very deep familiarity and understanding of each other. They understand how the other’s mind works, and feel comfortable opening up to each other about their own stuff. Obviously, this is very important for any relationship, platonic or romantic, but writers will often limit such familiarity between characters to the romantic relationships. The first step to writing an interesting friendship is to not do that. Show that your platonic soulmates understand each other and are vulnerable with each other. Here are some easy ways to do that:

Character A knows all of Character B’s personal preferences--likes and dislikes, including small things like food, flowers, music, etc. 

A can finish B’s sentences for them. 

A is willing to talk about their feelings when B asks if they’re okay.

A and B trust each other and know the other always has their back

A and B will occasionally reference events in their shared history and even have inside jokes

A will seek B out for comfort when they are upset.

A and B almost never miscommunicate--they know what the other means when they say something, and will immediately notice if the other is acting strange.

A and B can communicate with each other silently, via subtle looks, eye movements, or gestures.

Selflessness:

To quote a grossly over-marketed Disney franchise, “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.” This is the simplest and also most accurate definition of love I’ve come across, and it is universal to all kinds of relationships. So in order to make your platonic relationship compelling, you need to show that the characters are willing to make sacrifices for each other--even big ones. Make sure this is a mutual exchange between both characters, because otherwise you risk making the relationship look a bit toxic. Here are a few of my favorite examples of selflessness between friends/family:

Character A willingly puts themselves in harm’s way in order to protect Character B.

A is always ready to drop what they’re doing and come to B’s assistance. 

A and B regularly do small favors for each other without being asked. 

A is always mindful of B’s needs and makes sure they’re taken care of.

A and B always do their best not to hurt each other, either physically or emotionally. 

A is openly very worried whenever B is in danger and stops at nothing to help them.

Affection:

This is the part where most writers balk when writing platonic relationships. “They can’t touch each other!!! That’s sexy and weird!!!” No, it’s not. This idea that any and all signs of affection are exclusive to romantic relationships is toxic, and we need to wipe it from existence. Obviously there are different levels of physical intimacy, and some absolutely are exclusive to romantic relationships. Here’s a list of No-Gos if you want to keep a relationship completely platonic:

Kissing on the lips/mouth/neck.

Gazing deeply and silently into each other’s eyes for long periods of time for no other reason than to simply Gaze.

Doing the Do or otherwise touching each other in an explicitly sexual way (I feel like this one should be pretty obvious. Also wth guys, that stuff is grooooosssssssss 🤢)

Honestly those are the only ones that I can think of that are always exclusively romantic. Everything else requires pre-established context in order to be taken as such. So here’s a list of affectionate gestures that are totally safe for established platonic relationships!

Little forehead/cheek kisses.

Hugs--yes, even prolonged ones. Sometimes friends/family just want to hold each other for a while, and not in a sexy way. 

Holding hands.

Leaning on each other.

Playing with each other’s hair or gently petting it in order to offer comfort.

Sleeping next to each other when circumstances require it (and neither of them makes any fuss over it)

Saying “I love you.” STOP MAKING THIS AN EXCLUSIVELY ROMANTIC THING, PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS PURE IN THIS WORLD!

Touching foreheads (my personal favorite of the lot!)

Maintaining prolonged eye-contact during moments of sincerity and communication, especially if Character A is trying to tell B something important.

Sweet little smiles, or other such soft looks of fondness

And many other gestures that I don’t have time to go over in this list.

Tip the First: When writing platonic affection, be sure to bear in mind your characters’ personalities and physical differences. For example, if Character A is significantly bigger and heavier than Character B, they probably wouldn’t be tackle-hugging B, because that would risk seriously injuring B. Different personalities also have different levels of comfort when it comes to physical affection. If you’re writing fanfic, it helps to revisit the source material and observe how the two characters interact with each other. And remember: just because two characters aren’t physically affectionate with each other, it does NOT mean they don’t have a deep and meaningful friendship. Also bear in mind that many people have different dynamics with different friends simply due to the way their personalities fit together. Not all of my friendships look the same, and it’s not because of insincerity on my part--I just have different interactions with different people.

Tip the Second: If you want the gestures of affection to really pack a punch, use them sparingly. Save your long, warm embraces for when the two characters finally reunite after a long separation. Have Character A take B’s hand only when they can sense that B is frightened and in need of reassurance. A “First Platonic Hug” scene can be just as sweet and feelsy as a “First Kiss” scene if you do it right! Also, don’t be afraid to talk at length about how a gesture of affection makes a character feel. Describe the warm fuzzies that bubble up in their chest when their friend/family member gives them a hug, wax poetic about how grateful they are to have said friend/family member in their life. Taking time to explore and dwell on a certain feeling should never be strictly reserved for the ones associated with romance. 

And when in doubt:

Observe the professionals. Here are some fantastic platonic relationships from various pieces of media that I take tons of inspiration from:

Frodo and Sam from Lord of the Rings (especially in the books)

Jim and Toby from Dreamworks’ Tales of Arcadia series

Din and Cara from Star Wars: The Mandalorian

Lilo and Nani from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch

So in conclusion:

Listen, I get it. Romance is exciting and cute and sexy and very important in its own right, and society likes to beat us over the head with it these days. But I cannot impress on you enough just how vital platonic relationships are to living a good and fulfilling life. I am who I am today because of the family and friends who have helped me grow. Please don’t disregard it, whether in your writing or in your own life. Cherish friendship. Acknowledge the depth of your platonic feelings for someone. And writers, please don’t be afraid to express those feelings in your work. If we let friendship and family die, I can assure you, any potential for healthy romantic relationships will quickly follow suit. 

[phantompearlsalt]

Sour Cherry, Chapter 8

Here it is folks!! That sweet domestic bliss so many of y’all craved 💜 It was very interesting writing this but I still had a blast — it’s quite different from chapter 7 so brace yourselves. I will also note this one is distinct in that it’s more of a modern!AU setting so no bending or LoK elements at all, really. It was fun doing something so different! Lastly, make sure you have these songs queued up in case you want to play them as you reach those parts of the chapter 😉 And lastly, quick content warning for folks reading on here: there’s mention of cooking, food, but not eating! Feel free to check this out on AO3 too okay this is long: ENJOY!! 

There was a time in your life when you believed you would never have this: the comforting rustle of warm bed sheets against your toes, the muffled song of birds just outside your window, and the solid presence of Kuvira’s slumbering body beside your own. 

As you gradually blink into consciousness, you come to the pleasant realization that it’s Saturday. For the first time in weeks, you have nowhere to be and neither does Kuvira so you allow yourself to savor the rare and welcome contentment of a lazy morning in bed. 

You feel a faint tickle graze the nape of your neck and you realize that Kuvira is fast asleep, her arm strung loosely across your waist. Shifting carefully so as not to wake her, you move until your back is against the mattress and you can tilt your face to the side. Kuvira’s fingers twitch for a moment but she remains unperturbed by the slight motion, her jaw still slack. 

Given the bustling nature of her schedule, and her own no-nonsense disposition, there is always an element of tension present in Kuvira’s features. She’s still too young to have any significant wrinkles but during the day you never fail to notice the thin grooves around her mouth and along her forehead. Even when she’s not totally ensnared in the commotion of her job, she is rarely one to exude a sense of calm around others. It isn’t quite stress either but it’s certainly imposing.

When Kuvira sleeps, she is in her most vulnerable state. Every ounce of strain she carries in her body vanishes entirely, replaced with the weight of loosened limbs and heavy eyelids. Her brow relaxes completely, sometimes her mouth parts open and air will whistle through, her hair falls over her face in a curtain of vibrant black, and her shoulders sink freely into the downy comfort of your mattress.

Sometime in the distant past, you had believed a moment like this to be too out of reach. Too idealistic or picturesque. But as you gaze upon the beauty of this simple sight, understanding the depth of Kuvira’s trust that has allowed you to witness this side of her, you are overtaken by just how much your life has changed since you met Kuvira and how intensely you have grown to love her.

The sun has fully emerged outside and the rays start filtering through your gossamer curtains, casting a lovely golden glow across Kuvira’s face. You know she’ll start to stir within moments as the light starts to fall across her eyes so you treasure each remaining moment you have left like this. Gently, you lift your arm from beneath the bedsheets and let your hand cover hers.

It doesn’t take long for her to awaken after that — a handful of minutes pass before she makes a soft sound and her eyelids start to flicker open. Her gaze roams across the adjacent wall, slightly disoriented, before finally turning to focus on you. She blinks once and a muted smile tugs at the edges of her mouth.

“Good morning,” she murmurs. This time, you twist around so you’re on your side and you can twine your legs with hers. “Good morning to you,” you respond with a grin, cupping her cheek with your palm. “Looks like someone slept well.” Kuvira hums contentedly, stretching her arms high above her head.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been able to,” she says. “Yeah well, ridiculous work hours will really do that to a woman,” you tease. She gives you a withering glance which makes you burst into giggles, pulling her face towards yours so you can press a kiss against her forehead. “I’m not actually gonna kiss you until I can brush my teeth,” you inform her when you notice the expectant look on her face. “Then I suggest we do so immediately,” she replies promptly.

However, she proceeds to wrap an arm over your shoulder and tuck you against her chest, sinking her fingers into your hair as you brush your lips over her throat. For a moment you are tempted to point out the contradiction but you are far too delighted to actually do it. Though you cherish every morning you have with Kuvira, ones like these feel particularly special because of their rarity. Between her professional engagements and your own commitments, your mornings together are often hurried and fleeting.

So right now, with Kuvira’s arms encircling your body and your senses saturated by her scent and warmth, you want to hold onto this for as long as you can.

But of course, her arm starts falling asleep and your face gets too hot so you reluctantly pull away and fall into your habitual morning activities. You take a moment to stretch and crack away the stiffness of your joints while Kuvira messily clips her hair behind her neck before entering the bathroom where you’ll eventually join her.

The next few minutes pass in a rush of running water, toothpaste, and soap bubbles. You head back into the room to make your bed while Kuvira slides the glass pane open and a gust of brisk wind rushes through. As you slide into one of Kuvira’s old sweaters, you join her by the window. “I’ll go get our tea started, okay?” you say, touching your hand to her shoulder.

She nods once before responding, “Before you go.” Kuvira slips her fingers between yours before gently tugging you forward and bringing your lips together in a sleepy kiss. You let your arms wrap around her shoulders and you smile against the touch, feeling the tips of your ears grow red and your belly tingle with excitement. When you break apart, Kuvira watches you silently with a tender expression that heightens the emotion already rushing through your veins.

The longer you stay by her side, the more you find yourself feeling less inclined to leave so you quickly peck her on the mouth before scuttling out while she chuckles behind you.

Once you’re in the kitchen you quickly get to work on brewing your tea, relishing the sensation of sunlight falling across your back. As the water begins to boil on the stove, you push the window open and sigh at the burst of crisp air that follows. You detect the unmistakable scent of morning dew and realize it drizzled overnight. Getting on your tiptoes, you notice the plants outside are glossed over with a fine layer of moisture. It’s nearly a scene directly out of a film.

Finally your water is ready and you begin steeping Kuvira’s favorite oolong leaves, flicking on the radio and humming along to the entrancing melodies of the jazz station you have both grown so fond of. You’re pouring into your respective cups when a familiar set of arms curl around you from behind. Grinning, you place the pot down and lean back into Kuvira’s embrace. “I’ve missed this,” you sigh, suddenly forgetting about the steaming beverages as you feel a tickle swell inside your chest and your ribs.

“I have too,” she responds quietly, tightening her hold infinitesimally as she leans down to brush her lips against your cheekbone. “I know it’s been some time since we’ve been able to do this and...it’s nice. I didn’t realize how much I missed it myself.” You succumb to the enticement of that magical silence you only experience with Kuvira, allowing your body to press deeper against her chest until you can feel the heavy thrum of her heart.

Eventually, you have to step away when your stomach growls and you offer her the piping cup of tea. “Drink some of this and please be careful this time. Last time you burned your tongue you whined about it for a week.” Kuvira glares at you, unimpressed, which naturally makes you laugh. “Once you’re through with that, you can get started on chopping these up.” You push the bag of potatoes on the counter towards her and she inspects it apprehensively.

“Are you sure you trust me with that?” Kuvira asks over the rim of her teacup. “You know for someone who manages to scare almost everyone at her job, you’d think you could handle cutting some potatoes…” you sigh, earning a delightfully petty snort from Kuvira. You grin while smoothing her hair down against her head and press a chaste kiss to her nose. “You just have to get them into little cubes. Leave the actual cooking to me,” you chuckle. Kuvira still doesn’t look entirely convinced but she eventually picks up a knife from a drawer and carefully begins slicing the vegetables.

After sipping through about half your tea and admiring the stern look of concentration on Kuvira’s face, you join her and the music emanating from your small radio is soon accompanied by the clicking of knives and robust scent of onion, peppers, and garlic. There is a pleasant, unspoken dynamic between you and Kuvira that you’ve come to cherish, where you can merely exist together without the expectation of filling the space with frivolous conversation. If anything, you actually talk quite a bit on most days as a way to decompress from the exigencies of your respective work lives.

When you finally have the time to luxuriate in the freedom of an empty schedule, you allow yourselves to fully bask in that simple yet compelling joy of being in the other person’s presence.

Once your ingredients are properly diced and washed, you begin assembling everything which really just entails Kuvira tossing the cubes into the skillet while you sprinkle a variety of spices for good measure. Your fingers occasionally brush together as you lean over the stove and each time you see the apples of Kuvira’s face lift from the corner of your eye.

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this,” she notes. You snort and lovingly squeeze her hand before you start mixing everything together. “C’mon Kuvira, it’s been what? Over a year? I feel like I make this every other week so I wouldn’t get too confident about that. Give it a few more months and you’ll probably be gagging at the sight of sautéed vegetables.”

She moves towards your back and slides her hand down your arm until it rests over yours, temporarily pausing the stirring motion. “While I’m certainly not complaining about your exceptional breakfast-making skills, that’s not quite what I’m referring to. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this.” The words sweep along your ear and you feel a wave of goosebumps appear all across your flesh.

“Just being here, with you. I will never, ever tire of this,” she whispers against your neck. The words evoke a low hum in your ears as your blood rushes harder until the ringing feels like it’s sinking into your bones. You feel as though you have lost all coordination of your limbs, instead feeling them thrum with the wondrous glow of infatuation and only tethered down by the reassuring weight of Kuvira’s touch.

It still surprises you how these seemingly innocuous statements can unleash such an intense surge of emotion. Perhaps it’s because Kuvira isn’t the most eloquent when it comes to voicing her affections so when she does it’s particularly moving. Or perhaps it’s the shock of knowing another human being can love you as deeply as Kuvira does when you once found it impossible to conceive of such an idea.

Perhaps it’s a combination of the two and a million other things but you don’t dwell on that too long. At this moment in time, it doesn’t matter. Instead, you ground yourself in the steady and soothing warmth of Kuvira’s body and wiggle around until you can face her.

Kuvira lifts her hands to nestle your face between them, as if you might shatter into pieces with just the slightest movement, and presses her lips reverently against your forehead. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but our breakfast is about one minute away from burning to a crisp,” she states.

Your attention returns to the skillet in a flurry of flailing arms and nonsensical shouting while Kuvira merely observes in silent amusement. Luckily, you manage to save your meal and remove it from the heat at just the right moment. A hearty aroma of crisp potatoes and caramelized onions wafts through the air and you feel your stomach rumble again.

Just as you are sliding the food onto your platters, an all-too familiar melody chimes from the radio that brings your movements to a sudden halt. Faraway memories hit you all at once and very quickly. You only see glimpses of the images as they flash through your mind in bursts of vivid colors and fuzzy sounds.

Old timey photographs framed against paisley walls. Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Wes Montgomery.

Hazy shadows twirling beneath dim golden lights. The carefree ripple of a skirt lifting in the air and jewelry glistening against a perspiring body.

The shuffle and snap of shoes sliding against a red-tiled floor. The clink of a heel tapping to the beat of a muted drum.

Kuvira’s hand resting confidently on your lower back, patiently guiding you through the movements, while another presses against your palm.

A distinctive voice croons, “The very thought of you/ And I forget to do/ Those little ordinary things/ That everyone ought to do…”

You are dragged out of your trance by the same touch you felt all those months ago. Kuvira pulls you away from the counter, the plates of steaming food now completely forgotten, and her eyes glitter with quiet mirth.

“Do you remember this song?” she asks quietly while she brings you close against her. Your muscles freeze and you chuckle nervously. “I do but, uh, you and I both know I’m not the ex-professional dancer here,” you remind her.

Kuvira merely shrugs, leaning down to press her forehead against yours. “Just follow my lead,” she murmurs. She moves her hands from your waist to gently take your wrists and wrap your fingers around the back of her neck. She snakes her palms along your arms and down your sides until they return to their original position, resting against the small patch at the base of your spine.

The ensuing steps are so simple it barely constitutes a dance at all but you still can’t hinder the raging blush that seems to radiate across every inch of your skin. Kuvira is rarely one to initiate exchanges of this nature so when she does your body reacts accordingly.

It’s not so much a dance as it is simply swaying back and forth, occasionally stepping backwards but never once splitting away from Kuvira. Your eyes flutter closed again and you burrow your face in the crook of her neck.

“I see your face in every flower Your eyes in stars above It's just the thought of you The very thought of you, my love”

You feel as though you have fallen into a field of flowers yourself. This moment...it’s the exhilarating rush of being pulled to the ground and the blissful recognition of falling into a perfumed refuge of velvety petals. As you rest your head against Kuvira, you inhale her fresh, earthy scent that is so reminiscent of the misty air outside. In your mind, the kitchen disappears entirely and your home dissipates into a rosy mist.

Instead, you find yourself in your own dimension where everything is concentrated in this very moment. Gravity is the touch of Kuvira’s hands against your hips and air is her breath mingling with yours. In this juncture of time and space, you are the only two beings in the universe. In this little cluster of minutes far away from the rest of the world, your only thoughts are on the simple movements of your feet, the graceful way Kuvira floats you across the ground, and the overpowering truth of how profoundly you love her.

The song eventually fades away into another tune, slowly bringing you back to the present moment. Kuvira’s hands haven’t left your body and you don’t make any move to break the embrace. Breakfast lays utterly forgotten and you imagine it’s gone cold. But it doesn’t matter. Not right now.

Within moments you find yourselves calmly rocking along to the soothing vocals and eventually a drizzle starts up outside. You pay no mind and smile when Kuvira brings her mouth to yours — that simple brush of lips seems to capture every ounce of emotion brimming in your body.

She whispers something that’s drowned out by the music but somehow, somewhere in the deepest crevices of your heart, the words still make sense.

---

“This is my first affair, please be kind Handle my heart with care, please be kind This is all so grand, my dreams are on parade If you'll just understand, they'll never, never fade”

[innovativestruggles]

Daisuke & Suzue’s Relationship - A Consolidation Post

Hey gang, so given that we have 2 episodes left and absolutely zero idea as to what Daizue’s relationship is, I have decided to put together a spectrum of information. A lot of the stuff I am posting here have already been speculated to some degree, but it is nice to have it all in one big post where you can see what’s been gathered so far.

When I write about speculations, I always base everything on canonical evidence. Of course, there will be elements of personal bias and opinions intermeshed within, but I will try and separate facts from opinions as much as possible so that you can also draw your own conclusions.

For the purpose of this post, I will exclude all novel content, considering the anime is vastly different from the novel. I will start with the OP and work my way towards Episode 9. Originally I was going to wait until Episode 10 to complete this post, but I decided that it probably wouldn’t matter, considering Daizue’s relationship may not be revealed until Episode 11 and they most likely would be focusing on the battle with Shigemaru in Episode 10 rather than delve any deeper into Daizue’s relationship.

WARNING: This is a long post

The Opening

I want to look at this from the perspective of a complete newbie, who has zero knowledge of the novel or what the fandom is speculating. When looking solely at the OP, this is how it is seen;

1. Suzue is a beautiful character who is heavily sexualised

2. The show centres around a handsome rich boy with unlimited money

3. Selling the idea of sassy detective work

Suzue plays the perfect Bond girl trope. From the way she is shown in the OP in lingerie, to being tied to Daisuke’s car, to being bridal carried at the very end. As a newbie watching this OP, all I see is, hot rich guy and his hot, sexy, gorgeous sidekick woman whom he develops a sexual relationship with. 

If we all take a step back and just see the bigger picture, anyone, including non-anime watchers, who look at this OP would immediately associate Daisuke and Suzue as some sort of couple/love interests or two characters with immense sexual tension. There is no doubt about that.

So what am I trying to say here? Well, it is clear as day that the FKBU creators were deliberate in the way they showcased Daizue’s relationship. The OP is a foreshadow of what is to come or it implies the way the entire show is set out. 

But y’know...to me, the biggest foreshadow was that bridal carry!

Oops...wrong one...I meant this one below 😏

Episode 2

We are skipping Episode 1 as Suzue did not debut until Episode 2.

1. Suzue’s introduction She introduced herself as Suzue Kambe. That was it. Normally, whether it be in an anime or manga, a person would introduce themselves and their relationship (whether directly or indirectly), to another character. This was deliberately left out to keep viewers guessing.

2. Daisuke’s non-existent response Daisuke did not elaborate on his relationship with Suzue. Remember when Haru said something along the lines of “a woman with black hair entered this building,” to which Daisuke replied “woman with black hair you say?” There was no further explanation of who Suzue was to him or how they knew each other, or what sort of relationship they have.

3. Haru’s question was diverted When Haru asked Suzue, “who the hell are you?” Suzue’s response was “I’ve been following Daisuke’s orders...” Again, no further elaboration/explanation. The question was also diverted and she did not properly answer his question.

4. Haru’s assumption Haru made the assumption, as we found out in Episode 4, that Suzue and Daisuke are married. But this was not explored at the time in Episode 2. Again, another deliberate attempt to conceal information, considering we did not even get to see Haru’s assumption of Daizue’s relationship at the time.

5. Suzue’s use of Daisuke’s name No use of nii-san or nee-chan to indicate a sibling relationship and no honourifics were used. The interesting thing here was, Suzue was shown to drop the honourifics from Daisuke’s name in only this episode. Whether it was a mistake or a deliberate attempt to drip feed viewers information at the time, we don’t know. But let’s just say it was a deliberate attempt on the creators part - it needs to make sense. What I’m trying to say here is that Suzue should be in a relationship close enough to Daisuke to be able to drop the honorific but also be in a professional/lower position to continue addressing him with ‘sama.’ So in essence, Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship is most likely more complex than meets the eye.

6. Suzue’s professionalism Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship is too formal and professional to be considered to be some kind of sibling/family/close relative situation. Suzue works for Daisuke. That is the end point. She follows his every instructions and obeys all his orders. Even if she were a Kambe, she has to be a very, very, very distant relative to even submit to that level of obedience. If she were a closer relative but of a lower ranking than Daisuke’s family, there is absolutely no way she would be put in such a subservient position (more on this later).

Based on the 6 above points, personally, what I see is a deliberate attempt to create drama amongst fans lmao! But jokes aside, you cannot take it on face value that they are just relatives (or siblings at the time when it was first released) because as you can see, there are so many clues in this episode alone that does not make any sense.

Episode 3

Suzue only made a brief appearance here but I’d like to add a couple things.

1. Grandma’s focus on Daisuke Grandma barely acknowledged Suzue, and given that Suzue herself is a Kambe, I find this incredibly odd. Grandma was very focused on Daisuke, from his work relationship to his behaviour, and Suzue was...ignored.

2. Grandma explicitly stated to Haru about Daisuke that she is “his grandma” This piece of information was only available in the English subtitles. Remember that in Japanese language, there is no ‘his’ or ‘her.’ It is gender neutral. But I take it that the subtitles are official subtitles which gave us a bit more of a clue into Daizue’s relationship. We know at this stage here that Grandma is only Daisuke’s grandma and not Suzue’s.

With the above 2 points, if Suzue were a sibling or a closer relative, there would be more focus on her too. And I know the show is about Daisuke and Haru, so why would Suzue get any attention? But precisely this is the reason! Because the show centres a lot around the Kambe family conflict and you would think Suzue would be more involved in this conflict if she were closely related. But she is not involved. To me, this just screams outsider. Poor Suzue.

Episode 4

Alright, here we go on this roller coaster episode. 

1. Suzue addressed Daisuke as ‘Daisuke-sama.’ Kudos to know this because no bloody sibling would say this shit to their elder sibling. So that theory has been written off long ago now. 

Anyways I’d like to point out that there are times where lower members of a family, known as ‘branch’ families, would address the head family with polite honourifics. It’s quite rare nowadays in modern Japan, but in saying that, richer more exclusive families may still tend to do this and some still fight over the title of head of family. So in essence, anyone who succeeds as head of family (together with their immediate family) will obviously be addressed with polite honourifics. 

Just to let you know, branch families can either be closer relatives or very, very distant relatives (so distant that it is negligible they are related to the head family). We don’t know how big the Kambe family is and what the dynamics are like when it comes to the next successor. The bigger the family, the more likely members will want to fight over the title for head of family - usually once when the current head of family and their immediate family are all dead. What I’m trying to point out here is that Suzue may well still be a relative (I’m not gonna deny that during this first point I’m making), considering the above explanation I just made.

2. Daisuke did not elaborate on the type of relative Suzue was to him Another obvious one here. The creators love playing games with the viewers. The fact that Daisuke did not elaborate on his relationship with Suzue was a huge red flag. In the sense that we do not know whether Suzue is a close relative, a distant relative, married into the Kambe family or adopted. The creators are still keeping the viewers guessing!

3. Daisuke’s body language and expression This may be more opinionated base, but you can make judgements for yourself by rewatching the scene again. When Daisuke tells Haru that Suzue is a relative, there was almost a stilted, discomforting demeanour, as if he did not want to discuss the topic. This was heavily exacerbated and reinforced by his tone of voice, which may indicate he could be hiding something?

4. Haru’s assumption that Daisuke and Suzue are married Considering the fandom thinks Daizue look so similar, Haru clearly didn’t. So on his end, they looked more like husband and wife than siblings or relatives..

5. Suzue’s infatuation with Daisuke It was too obsessive. Lovey dovey and just ... plain questionable. I mean, Suzue could still be a relative and do this but the way it was set up was very jarring. As in, Suzue displays a sense of professionalism and obedience towards Daisuke that screams master and servant - not infatuation. 

Normally in anime shows where a character is infatuated over another, there isn’t that simultaneous level of professionalism displayed between the characters. So whether the character is a relative or not, it would be believable. But in Suzue’s case, professionalism + infatuation + relative does not make any sense to me. Also, Do NOT confuse loyalty with professionalism! They are two separate things. Suzue displays both! Characters you see in other anime may display loyalty and infatuation. The biggest incongruence to me with regards to Suzue is the infatuation and professionalism!

From something like this...

To something like this...

6. Suzue attended to Daisuke’s everyday needs Honestly if this wasn’t the most jarring thing, I seriously don’t know what was. I swear, not even the lowest member of a branch family would attend to a head family’s every day needs like a servant/maid. It makes no sense. Considering Daisuke is rich enough to have multiple maids that could attend to his every day needs, and that his butler Hattori could probably do what Suzue does, I do not understand the need for Suzue to do all these personal things for Daisuke.

7. The anime creators deliberately did this episode in a way that would confuse fans even more When you add: Daisuke saying “Suzue is a relative” + Suzue’s weird infatuation + addressing Daisuke with ‘sama’ = you are going to get the biggest explosion of confusion. 

It almost felt like the creators wanted to balance things out for the viewers. That is, “I want Daisuke to say Suzue is a relative, but I also don’t want the viewers to think she is a relative either.” There you go, they nailed it with this episode.

8. Daisuke cooked for Suzue At first I didn’t think much of this scene other than Daisuke’s weird way of making up to Suzue for being petulant LOL. But then I thought about how Grandma and butler were just standing there, uninvited to eat food made by Daisuke...it just goes to show that Daizue’s relationship runs a lot deeper than meets the eye. More important than Grandma that is for sure.

Episodes 5 and 6

Suzue did not make much of an appearance in these two episodes, but what I continued to see was the undying loyalty and continued professional relationship between Daisuke and Suzue. Despite Suzue’s injury in Episode 5, she continued to assist Daisuke (or tried to) in a manner that screams ‘I am forever your servant. Ask and ye shall receive’ kinda vibe LOL 

When she knows Daisuke is safe, Suzue keeps her cool, calm demeanour and powers on with the professionalism, but that weird infatuation kicks in otherwise... what an odd relationship they have...

Episode 7

1. The lack of Suzue in the family photos No Suzue could be seen in the family album. And yes, some people pointed out the baby in the ‘pink’ onesie was Suzue. Could be. But highly doubt it. Someone mentioned that the onesie used to be red but faded over time to a pinkish colour because it has been more than 27 years. That’s also a plausible explanation. Tbh, that entire photo album just screamed Daisuke.

2. All other photos pointed to the fact that Daisuke was raised as an only child No Suzue present or any indication that she was there at the time those photos were taken

Episode 8

Oh boy, the fun episode LOL

1. You can try and see it both ways here.

a. Suzue was just trying to warn Daisuke about HEUSC. That was all. Nothing else.

b. Definitely fanservice. Suzue could have done this in so many other ways. It was obviously a deliberate part on the creators’ side to bring forth a sexually suggestive scene that really further questions Daizue’s relationship. And the way they zoomed in on certain features (yeah we love their lips almost touching and Suzue’s ass in the air whilst her legs were pressed in between Daisuke’s) perhaps suggested something more explicit between the two (or implied to be in the future), but then again, the zooming in of their lips could just emphasise HEUSC’s ability to lip read rather than anything sensual. But ya know, I reckon it probably was both. 

Again, this whole scene puts more question marks on their relationship as to ‘What kind of relatives are they?’ or ‘Are they really relatives?’ or ‘What is their true relationship?’

**

Zooming in on Suzue moving her ass and legs in between Daisuke was completely unnecessary unless they are implying something sexual. Yeah goodbye.

This was obviously more necessary to describe HEUSC’s ability to lip read...but the way it was zoomed in and emphasised between them...

2. The creators made Haru see Daizue walk out the room A hugely obvious attempt at forwarding Daizue’s relationship. I mean, putting Haru in that position completely threw the spanner in the works. He was obviously informed by Daisuke that Suzue “is just a relative,” yet he saw them walk out from Daisuke’s bedroom looking all...well...looking like they just had the most amazing time in there. 

Even though it was obvious to us viewers what Haru was thinking, we were never shown Haru questioning the situation in relation to ‘Wait a minute, didn’t Daisuke say she was a relative? What the f did I just see then?’ We don’t get that point of view from Haru so we don’t know what he was speculating in relation to their relationship. I mean, Haru could just be as confused as we were! The only advantage Haru got over us viewers was that he could have just asked them for more clarity around their relationship. Clearly he was just being too polite lmao

3. Daizue did not attempt to clarify the situation I mean, unless they were both stupid and seriously thought Haru wouldn’t think they got up to no good, despite it being so clear as day that Haru thought otherwise, they did not say anything. Again, another deliberate part on the creators’ side to create further confusion. They really like making Daizue keep their mouths shut when it comes to anything to do with their relationship backstory...

**

The creators went one step further and made Daisuke adjust his shirt. LOLOL

And even further by making Suzue’s hair all messy and dishevelled...

4. Suzue mentioned ‘your father and mother’ to Daisuke when discussing HEUSC Big red flag here that would completely forever bury the sibling theory. It sounds to me that Daisuke and his family are very separate from Suzue.

Episode 9

We are in the present now!

1. Daisuke tells Grandma that only the Kambe family, that is, he himself and Grandma, could infiltrate the system This may imply that Suzue is not a true Kambe or she may have been adopted into the family. It would also help discredit the theory that she may be a lower ranking member of the Kambe family/a branch family of the Kambe. It may also imply that Daisuke may have been hiding something from Haru about Suzue when he said ‘Suzue is a relative’ or he was outright lying.

Other materials

Their appearances

On surface level, they do have some similarities but if you look a bit closer, their eye colour is different (Daisuke’s is a deep blue and Suzue’s is more violet), hair colour is different (Daisuke’s is more black and Suzue’s is more charcoal) and eye and eyebrow shape are different. Tbvh, if they made Suzue’s eye and hair colour completely different, you would see the contrast more. It’s just that the creators deliberately designed the two this way to evoke more confusion.

Concluding opinion: It is obvious to me that the creators are drip feeding us information about Suzue. Here with this post, even when analysing it on a spectrum, I gathered two things from it over time.

a) Suzue is not a blood relative

b) The relationship between Daisuke and Suzue is a lot more complex

Just remember that Daisuke trusts Suzue with his life. So the level of mutual understanding and trust between the two is incredibly profound.

Again, these are all very speculative and a lot of the fandom have garnered their own information over the course of the episodes. This is what I (and a lot of DaiSuzu fans) have dissected so far. 

Although the entire show is centred around Daisuke and Haru and their detective work with regards to the Kambe family, I feel like Daizue’s relationship is like that mini side story. Whether they will delve into it or not in the next two episodes is anyone’s guess really. As I said earlier, if anything, the reveal would most likely occur at the very end of Episode 11.

Anyways, share your thoughts and feel free to refute! But PLEASE, be respectful.

P. S. I will keep adding to this if I think of more stuff. It’ll be part of a new “edit section.” I’ll just reblog it so people can see it easier!

[eleanorbloom]

[OH] When You’re Ready Ch. 02

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.1k

Warning: Angst, lots of angst; adult language

Summary: Bryce has decided to let go of Eleanor because she’s in love with Ethan Ramsey. But a turn in her relationship with the attending might change Bryce's plans.

Taglist: @utterlyinevitable

Let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist! ;)

_______

Chapter Two: Why Keep On Breaking My Heart

Why do you toy with my dreams They’re depending on you to come true?

After her successful return to Edenbrook, Eleanor continued her residency with renewed energy and self-confidence. Although she had already achieved the position in the Diagnostic Team, she was still considered between the Attendings as the best medical intern in the hospital, due to her profound care for the wellbeing of her patients, and the solidarity she had with her colleagues and staff.

The fact that Ethan was putting boundaries between the two didn’t affect her work at first, but eventually, it began to ruining the almost inexistent and fragile emotional stability she had left after such chaotic weeks that had her life on the verge of collapse. 

Ethan kept pressuring her to become the best doctor she could be, maintaining a strictly professional relationship between them, but always, after weeks of self-restraint, he would fall into the temptation of generating any situation in which both discussed, just to ended up kissing desperately. He would push her away just as Eleanor would pressure him to face his feelings. Ethan kept insisting that their situation was very difficult, but her career was too important to jeopardize it with their relationship. This dynamic happening over and over again. Ethan walking away, ignoring her, then exploding because Eleanor knew exactly what to say to make him surrender, to finally end up walking away again, like he never faced anything, like he never stopped ignoring her since they both came back to Edenbrook. After all this, Eleanor was made of knots of anguish and anxiety.

The last time, it had been almost a month ago. Eleanor was already tired of Ethan’s avoidances, of the rude responses, of the excuses that “he didn’t have time to talk”. That day, after having solved a very difficult case, and from which she had obtained no support or help from Ethan, under the excuse that she had to solve it herself because otherwise, she would never be the best doctor she could be if he intervened at the first difficulty, she visited him in his office to talk to him. She used to avoid to make a conflict out of it, but Ethan always pushed her to the limit, to the limit where she no longer tolerated all the rudeness he had inflicted.

She knocked on his office door, and after a few moments, Ethan invited her to come in. Well, not her, because if he had known she was the one behind the door, he would have denied her the entry. Or maybe he wouldn’t have answered at all.

Eleanor watched how her jaw clenched as she entered.

“Eleanor, what do you need?"—He said, tension evident in his voice.

"I want to know for how long you are gonna keep this bullshit between us"—She inquired without further ado.

"I beg your pardon?"—His eyes lit with rage.

"You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, for months, now! You don’t even look at me, and when I ask you for help, you get rid of the responsibility under the excuse that ‘I have to learn by myself’” —She gestured with her fingers and her face visibly pissed off—"What the fuck are you an Attending for, then?“

"If you really needed my help, I wouldn’t hesitate to intervene”

“You wouldn’t hesitate to send Inés or Zaid to monitor my progress and intervene there if they see that I’m lost! I already realized your little game, Ethan. You use them to avoid having to deal with me”

“I do it with all the interns, that’s what senior residents are for. Why should I have a special treatment with you?“

Eleanor shook her head, disbelief on her face

"I’m not asking for special treatment, I’m simply asking you to speak to me because you just keep ignoring me”

"And why do you need me to stop ignoring you?”

Eleanor was losing her patience, she had dealt with his avoidances and pretended disinterest too many times. She was getting really tired of it.

“I miss you, Ethan"—She confessed.

Ethan looked away, avoiding her pleading eyes.

"That has nothing to do with the hospital, so your justification is out of place”

“I’m worried about you…”

“Worried? Why?”

“Because I know that you’re not having a good time with all this, I’m not having a good time either…”

“Eleanor…"—He mused imploringly—"Please don’t do this. You well know-”

“But it’s too unfair"—She interrupted—"We are both suffering. And you make me feel horrible when you ignore me. I wonder if that’s because you don’t care about me anymore”

Ethan got up and went to the window next to his desk, clearly uncomfortable with the question. He stood there for a few moments, losing his sight at the view of Boston, at the infinity of buildings and streets, vehicles moving in different directions, people walking and running to their destinations.

Eleanor waited for a reply, but after realizing that Ethan wouldn’t answer her like he did so many times before, she turned around to leave, just as Ethan opened his mouth to answer her.  

“If I’m doing all of this it’s precisely because I care about you, Eleanor”—He said in a deep voice—"I don’t want my feelings to ruin all your potential,  your career, and to put obstacles in the promising future you have. Your career is much more important than what I want…"

“And what about what I want?"—She inquired in a tiny voice as she hugged him from behind. Ethan tensed at her touch.

"I do this for your own good, Eleanor"—He replied, using all the mental strength he had to avoid succumbing to her embrace—I know what you want because we… We both want the same, but I’m preventing you from making a mistake.

“I’m an adult, I know all the implications. You have no right to choose for me”

“I know, and I’m not comfortable with that. But I know that this is the best for you. I don’t want to do anything that hurts you”

“But you’re already doing it”

Ethan turned to face her.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m in deep shit with your silence, when you ignore me, when you spend weeks without even looking at me. You make me feel invisible. You make me feel like I’m nothing to you”

"Eleanor,” Ethan stroked her cheek, and watched her honey eyes full of tears “You know that’s not true”

“At this point, I don’t know. I don’t know what’s real, if we were real, if you still care about me. Because you’ve spent months pretending that I am nothing to you, and what happened seems to be just a dream”

“All that happened was real. But it must remain there, in the past”

“Ethan…”

“Eleanor”—He added abruptly.

He was losing his patience because he sensed all his strength was leaving his body. Having her just a few inches from him, begging for his touch, for his love, was more than he could bear

“You well know why I have to do this. Don’t make it more difficult than already is”

“I know that someday I’ll understand why you’re doing all this, because of my career and all that… But I think I’ll never understand why it has to be this way, why you have to take me away from you, why you have to ignore me. Why Ethan? Why do you have to act like you hate me to show me how much you care?”

Ethan had a logical answer: “Because it’s easier for me like that. Because that way I won’t surrender, I won’t feel the urge to kiss you every time I see you ”. But he couldn’t say that,  because it wasn’t right. He knew that the way he was dealing with the situation was not fair and the way he had been treating her wasn’t correct nor the most logical alternative. Eleanor was right, it hadn’t to be that way, but Ethan couldn’t any other way but that.

“I miss you so much—She sighed, melting as she put her arms around him—“If at least we had a friendly relationship, if only we could talk, if I could count on you and you on me. But you don’t even let me that, Ethan. You completely deprive me of you after you gave me everything”

Ethan stared at her in pain and couldn’t resist the urge to hug her. To protect her, to caress her hair to ease her pain. The moment Ethan planted his lips on her forehead, Eleanor sobbed.

“Why can’t you face your feelings differently?”

"Because I’m weak"—He finally confessed, not parting his lips from her face—"Because when I’m with you I lose all the self-control I have, and if I have you around, I don’t give a shit about anything. And I can’t allow it”

“And you can’t even try?”

"Do you think I haven’t? I did it until I kissed you in Miami, I did it until you went to my apartment and we made love for the first time. I tried again when we both got back to Edenbrook. But after everything that happened, it’s much harder for me to do so knowing that I had you”

"Ethan … But can you at least try to be less cruel?” At least stop pretending that I don’t exist? Can you look at me, speak to me? You really hurt me”

“And it hurts me to see you and not be able to have you”

Ethan moved his lips to her cheeks, kissing the tears that were falling from her eyes. He drank the salt of anguish, of pain, of injustice. Eleanor raised her head so her lips were brushing his.

“Eleanor…”

“Ethan… I’m drowning"—She said in a hushed voice—"Please … Give me a break”

Ethan took her chin and looked at her face for the first time in weeks. Weeks that seemed like forever. He had missed both having her beautiful face close, and being able to study all her features and the way each emotion formed on her face, or how the color of her eyes varied according to the light. Inside the building, it was more likely to capture chocolate hues, and with trails of natural light, they were accentuated in honey tones. In full sunlight, they took on an orange hue similar to ginger. And at night, it was the most beautiful amber shade he’d ever seen.

Eleanor’s eyes sparkled against the grayish light of winter in Boston. Chocolate tones mixing with honey and a turbulent sea of fear, anxiety, loneliness. There was no trace of the bright, yellow trails similar to sunshine that always characterized her gaze.

“Please"—She insisted.

Ethan had lost himself in her eyes, unaware of the agony that was lingering on Eleanor. And at that moment, Ethan knew that refuse wouldn’t have honored his self-control nor his promise. It would have been cruelty. Conscious cruelty. He couldn’t leave her like that, because he felt how much she needed him. Because he needed her too: the agony was breaking him in two.

He closed the distance and drank the salt from her swollen lips. He wiped the tears from her eyes and gently cupped her cheeks.

"I’m sorry"—He whispered before kissing her lips again. 

She closed her eyes, letting herself be carried away by the softness of his lips and the breeze of his words, which were an almost inaudible whisper, but the pain and regret were palpable. He continued his kissing procession all over her face with the same plea for forgiveness. As if with each kiss, as if with each tear he managed to kiss and drink, he could be redeemed from all the pain inflicted.

Eleanor tightened her grip around his waist.

"I love you"—She whispered as she felt kisses on her neck.

Those words were divine forgiveness, the Gates to Paradise. But Ethan knew that he wasn’t worthy of such a concession. Because he had no right to even be in Purgatory. All his actions, all the pain he had inflicted on Eleanor made him worthy of Hell, and even with the intervention of Eleanor, who acted as judge and party, as a messenger between Heaven and Hell, and as the chosen one to grate his forgiveness; he couldn’t accept.

He pulled away from her ruefully and looked her in the eyes. Eleanor deciphered the panic in his eyes before Ethan himself could understand his own feelings. As his hands began to tremble on her neck, he released her and let both hands fall on his sides. She stared, still waiting for some kind of answer, but nothing came out from him. After a few moments, Ethan kissed her forehead, and without any more warning, he left the office.

Eleanor felt like the breath she had taken had been just an illusion, a trap. What she thought it would be a bit of fresh air after been drowning for so long, it turned out to be a mouthful of freezing water entering her lungs, beginning to drown her and deprive her of life. Something had died inside her.

After that, nothing changed. Ethan continued to ignore her, even more than before. Eleanor understood that nothing she did or said would change things. Ethan would keep running away and would keep pushing her out of his life. For the same reason, she decided that she wouldn’t seek him, and wouldn’t try to change his mind. She would act exactly as he was acting. She would pretend he didn’t exist for her.

 This dynamic worked well for Eleanor until the day she learned Ethan was joining the WHO to fight a pandemic in the Amazon. Danny had been instructed to update the hospital database to reassign Ethan Ramsey’s cases to other Attendings, due to he’d be away for several weeks. Since Danny didn’t know why he asked Sienna if she knew anything. Sienna, on the contrary, hadn’t even heard that he would be out.  This way, she looked for Eleanor to ask her if she knew anything, although part of her knew that there was a high chance Eleanor didn’t, because her friend had chosen to ignore Ethan’s existence in the same way that he had been doing with hers. As soon as she had a moment to talk, she asked her to meet up in their usual place, on the emergency stairs on the fourth floor.

“Hey Ellie, how are you?”

“I’m fine. What’s up?”

“You… have you heard about Ramsey?”

“Heard what?”

Sienna looked both ways, a sad look in her eyes.

"I think Dr. Ramsey is leaving”

"What?"—She replied, confused—"How is he leaving?”

“Danny told me Banerji asked him to reassign all Dr. Ramsey’s cases to the other attendings ‘cause he’ll be gone for a while. Weeks, to be more specific”

“Um, well, no. I have no clue. I haven’t talked to him in weeks, so I find it difficult to manage more information or any information, given that I didn’t know about any of this”

“Well, yes, I supposed so. But I thought you needed to know”

“Thanks, Sienna”

Eleanor was about to return to her patients when Sienna grabbed her softly by the wrist.

“I think you should ask him, Eleanor”

“Oh, yeah, sure, as if he’s going to answer me if I ask”

“But perhaps that way he’ll know you know. And maybe… He will talk to you. To say goodbye at least”

“Nah, he probably will look at me like I’m some kind of alien and then leave like he didn’t listen to me”—Eleanor shook her head—“If he has been keeping this so secretly it’s precisely because he didn’t want me to know”

“Ellie, I’m so sorry … I shouldn’t have told you this…”

“Sienna, you don’t have to apologize for something you are not to blame for. The fault is his, for ignoring me the way he does. And well, mine, for letting him treat me like this all this time”

Eleanor took a breath.

“If I have the chance, I will ask him. If not … well, we’ll have to wait for the rumors to spread through the hospital. If he wanted it that way, it’s because he’s a coward, and I’m tired of chasing cowards”

With that said, both friends returned to the main hallway of the hospital and continued their hectic morning. Eleanor at first wanted to convince herself that she didn’t care, that she wasn’t interested in knowing if he would be out or not, but after a couple of hours, her anxiety, anguish at the thought that she wouldn’t see him again in perhaps how long, came up. She started to convince herself again that he didn’t care about her, because he had no problem in leaving without saying goodbye to her.

She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to locate him, without success. Finally, near the end of her shift, she found him at the Nurses’ Station talking to an elderly patient that Eleanor remembered seeing in the hospital for a couple of days. He had several charts scattered at the front desk while he was giving them one by one to the nurse sitting on the other side.

Eleanor knew that this would be her only chance to chat with him, so she didn’t mind interrupting the conversation he was having with the older man.

“Your recovery is going very well Robert, in a couple of days we will discharge you if you assure us that you will have someone who can take care of your pharmacological treatment”

“Oh, of course, my boy. I spoke to my granddaughter and she said that she would come to take care of me as long as I need to. Don’t worry”

“Very well then”—Ethan smiled at him as he gave the last of the charts to the nurse.

“Go in peace, Dr. Ramsey”—The old man assured

“Dr. Ramsey?”

Ethan frowned, perplexed at the sight of Eleanor speaking to him, looking for him, after spending weeks avoiding him.

“Dr. Bloom”

“I… Would you mind, Mr. Jones?”

“Absolutely, my child, I think we are done, are we, Dr. Ramsey?”

“Yes, we are. Have a nice night, Robert”

Mr. Jones walked away

“What do you need, Eleanor?”

Ethan felt his mouth dry after saying her name, when he had spent weeks just hearing it in his head. His name felt like a sacred elixir poured into his tongue.

“Can we…?” Eleanor pointed to the hallway that led to the emergency stairs. Ethan eyed her suspiciously, but she ignored him. She started to move toward the staircase so Ethan had no choice but to follow her.

“What’s all this mystery, Bloom?”

“Is it true that you’ll be away?

“How do you know that?”

“Just rumors”

Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose murmuring to himself “They have no respect for my privacy”. Then, he added directly to Eleanor:

“It is not your concern”

Eleanor ignored his cutting response.

“So it’s true”

Ethan sighed.

“It is”

“Why are you leaving?”

“If you know that I’m leaving, I suppose you should know why”

“Why the fuck do your think I’m asking you? I just know that you’re leaving because all your cases have been reassigned, but I don’t know why”

“As I said, it’s not your concern, and I don’t have any intentions to let you intrude”

Eleanor’s face disfigured as she felt her eyes begin to burn, tears threatening to come out.

“What did I do to you to be so cruel to me, Ethan?”

“Keep my life private is being cruel to you? I didn’t know you were so egocentric. I don’t owe you any explanations”

His face was impassive. Eleanor’s gaze turned from serious to a charged with rage.

“You’re right, my bad. I think I hallucinated when you said you cared about me”

Eleanor headed for the stairs, but Ethan stopped her, taking her forearm.

“Wait… Eleanor”

Eleanor tried to wriggle out of his grasp

“Please…”

Eleanor stopped just a few stairs up not facing him.

“I’m going to the Amazon with the WHO”

Eleanor turned to him, startled

“What?”

“The WHO asked me to go to the Amazon to fight an outbreak that had been developing for about four weeks there”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow”

Eleanor felt as if someone had stabbed her in the stomach, not once, but a thousand times, each stab burning worse than the last. It was an unbearable physical and soul pain. Ethan watched her face become more disfigured.

“Tomorrow? And you weren’t going to say anything to me… Not even say goodbye?”

“Why should I?

Ethan knew that his response would do her more harm than he had already done, but he couldn’t resist it. It was his way of shielding himself and not apologizing for something he knew had been unfair. Because in all that time he was dying to tell her, but he swore to himself that he wouldn’t, that he would keep the distance between them to not make the farewell more difficult than it could be.

“I…”—Her voice was muffled. She cleared her throat determined to not make a teary, almost childish show again.

“I just thought that after everything we went through together, you would at least have the decency to tell me you were leaving for something so important as this, or I don’t know, since you are my boss, at least you would inform me that you would be away and I couldn’t count on your almost nonexistent support for the rest of the year”—She couldn’t resist the sarcasm as she felt the rage was taking control of her entire body —“But obviously, I was wrong, my mistake in expecting some miserable consideration from you”

“Why do you pretend to care now? You’ve been ignoring me for weeks”

“How bold of you, Ethan”—She replied as she shook her head—“If I’ve been doing this, it’s because I don’t have a choice! It’s the only way I can cope with you doing it. Because I understood that there is no point in waiting for something that you don’t want to happen. But yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you anything, after all, we are two strangers who have nothing in common”

Eleanor was hurt, disappointed. He couldn’t believe that Ethan had hidden such important information from her. She knew that he was doing it to avoid his responsibility, because he knew that he should have told her, but he chose to play the insufferable rather than assume his mistake.

"Eleanor …” He approached her when she turned toward the stairs again  “You’re right, you have every right to be mad. I didn’t want to…”

“Yes you did, Ethan"—She replied, turning, her eyes still blazing with anger—“Are you really so naive to believe that I don’t know you? You wanted exactly everything you did. If you have ignored me all this time, it’s because you want it, if you didn’t tell me about your trip, it’s because you wanted it that way, consciously. It’s not how things just happened. You know exactly what it means, and how bad it hurts me, but you don’t care”

"Don’t say that … I do care

“Well, it doesn’t seem. Because for you it’s much easier to ignore me and pretend that I don’t exist than to recognize my existence and deal with it. So no, you don’t care about what I feel”

"Eleanor, please … You know it’s not like that, I do care about you … but it’s the only way…”

“Shut up. Shut up, Ethan! I’m tired of your hypocrisy. All that you call “worrying about me” is bullshit. It’s torture. And I’ve gotten tired of the same shit all over again. Go like a coward. You know how to do that very well. It’s your subspecialty”

Eleanor left, infuriated, her face bright with tears. She was hurt and deeply disappointed. But she was also mad at herself. Because she shouldn’t have approached him, she shouldn’t have spoken to him, she shouldn’t have asked for explanations, because she was nobody to ask for them. But she did it anyway because she still refused to see the truth. Because deep inside she hoped things would turn differently, that Ethan would stop pushing her away and he would ask Eleanor for a chance. But now the truth became more palpable and undeniable.

At that moment Eleanor finally understood that there was no going back.  If in all this time there were unbreakable walls that were separating them, now there would be thousands of miles doing it so, which could be much more inexorable than the walls themselves. Eleanor knew that she had no option but to let Ethan go for good.

________

Chapter 3.

[shintorikhazumi]

Prompt 12, choose you the ship!

A/N: You know, anon (I feel like I know who you are...or not), the hardest part about this isn’t the prompt, but choosing the ship. I’m torn between a classic ship I’m accustomed to writing, and trying characters I haven’t yet. GAAHHHHH. Okayokay. With how the prompt goes, I’m choosing between RWBY’s whiterose (coz this is canon for bumblebee), YagaKimi’s YuuxTouko, revue’s MayaKuro, Love Live’s HonoUmi, Assault lily’s Yujia x Shenlin, or my guilty pleasure ship that is YuuxSayaka from bloom into you. Each pairing has its own unique dynamic and I’m excited and stumped by the endless possibilities of how this could go. Okay, for now, I suppose I’ll extend my repertoire on MayaKuro soooo Enjoy? ~Shintori Khazumi

Prompt 12: “Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself” 

It was just a small, silly little accident. Redundant as that may sound, she really didn’t want anyone to make such a fuss about it. Never in a million years did she imagine that she would make such an amateur-ish mistake. She was the embodiment of perfection and professionalism. She was the top star, she was, in her own sense, a prima donna, she was-

“TENDOU MAYA!”

Ah, yes. That’s right. That’s who she was. And this perfect Tendou Maya was simply just-

“Just what were you doing? What on earth, or in that mind of yours, is going on for this to happen?” Maya felt her lips part, an explanation lost on her lips. “What could distract you as to allow you to twist your ankle and fall over on the simplest maneuver of our whole routine?!”

Ah, Saijou Claudine. Ever the wonderful existence, and her yelling that was almost the best way to get Maya’s morning started.

In a matter of seconds, the said girl was by her side, knelt down and looking over the reddened spot that was definitely swelling now.

“You... You insufferable- how could you let this happen? We have a show in two days!” Her hands frantically moved back and forth all over Maya’s leg, moving to check her face and arms to see if the brunette had gotten hurt elsewhere; not quite touching her, simply surveying the damage.

“Now, now, Kuro-chan, why don’t we calm down?” Nana, ever the voice of calmness and reason came close, with Junna right at her tail, with a face towel to wipe Maya’s perspiration that was partially due to the physical exertion from dance class, and partly from the pain that was slowly making its presence known.

“How could I possibly calm down?! Ma Maya is hu- I m-mean, the performance is in two days, might I repeat to you all.” Her brows were tightly knit together in that frustrated expression Maya loved to coax out of her pretty little French girl. “A-and maybe T-Tendou Maya’s state and health is... is also... of my...concern” Claudine’s voice noticeably went smaller and quieter as the statement was completed.

And there was the blush that Maya adored even more.

As an icepack came in via Karen and Hikari, who handed it to Claudine who was now wrapping it in another cloth to prepare it for use, Maya decided she didn’t exactly like being the center of attention in this manner.

So, against her better judgment (and common sense), she stood up. Quickly.

Or at least tried to.

“Maya!” Claudine’s distressed screech registered in her ears as her visage told her that she was, once more, falling down, and possibly backwards, with her head in danger of smashing against the hard wood floor.

Only that the floor was surprisingly soft and smelled like her favorite person.

“I swear, what am I supposed to do with you?!” Claudine groaned, having moved just in time to catch Maya, her head and neck supported by Claudine’s left arm, while the right was just under Maya’s thighs, nearing her knees. The brunette found herself securely nestled into Claudine’s bosom, and that was a place she honestly enjoyed being in. Something she would only say to fluster the hot-tempered woman. The ice pack had flown across the floor to free Claudine’s hands of anything but Maya. “You are simply, truly-“ Before Claudine could burst into another tirade, Maya tried to cut off the explosion waiting to happen.

“Saijou Claudine.” She addressed; the girl’s attention completely offered to her. She quite liked that. “As you can see, I attempted to stand as I’m completely alright.” She gave her winning smile: one she had perfected as an actress.

Only that it didn’t work on all audiences, it seemed. Claudine merely scoffed. “Of course, you are. That’s why you can’t even stand on your own right now.” She spoke with a brow lifted, shaking her head in reprimand. “And that is why I shall be accompanying you to the nurse’s office.”

Without so much as a grunt to indicate any difficulty (only a yelp from Maya at the suddenness), Claudine lifted the injured girl smoothly; quickly, yet so gentle that Maya felt like she had just floated up into the air. As if practiced, Maya’s arms naturally found themselves resting around Claudine’s fairly broad shoulders. The half-Japanese girl’s strength was no secret to anyone at this point, so no one was surprised by the ease at which she was able to walk towards the room’s exit with Maya in her arms.

Yes, Maya was not surprised at all. Surprise, no. Embarrassment?

…Maybe just a little.

Adding to that rare embarrassment she felt, the travel to the infirmary was unexpectedly quiet. Unbearably so for Maya. Claudine had not uttered a word since they left the others. Maya felt she preferred the sharp scolding to this cold, agitated silence.

In an attempt to lessen the tension surrounding them, Maya cleared her throat and tapped Claudine’s shoulder for her attention as her eyes had been solely fixated on the path she was taking to the infirmary.

“What.” She spat, tone piercing, eyes staying focused in front of her. Maya contemplated for a moment, hesitating about her next words. Now that she had practiced it in her head, with how Claudine was at the moment, it didn’t look like it would be received well.

Still. She could try?

And so, she tried.

“Saijou Claudine, you know you don’t have to do this. Carrying me all the way there, it might exhaust you. Maybe I could try walking once more?” She began, voice not as confident-sounding as she would have liked. This version of the blonde woman clearly unnerved Maya. Pressing on, clearing her throat a second time, she stated, “Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself.” 

They came to a halt. Claudine had stopped in her tracks in the middle of the hallway, eyes now wide and staring at Maya owlishly.

“M-ma Claudine?” Maybe Maya should’ve tried a different way of appeasing the other girl. She felt like looking away, her companion’s gaze burning deep into her soul. She awaited with bated breath, bracing herself for any response with the bravest neutral expression she could muster.

Nothing.

Claudine broke her stare, said nothing and continued walking.

Upon reaching the infirmary, Maya found herself laid carefully on the bed while Claudine went to rummage around the cabinets as the nurse was found to be out.

Upon her return, Claudine sat on the bed in front of her, beginning to treat Maya’s swollen ankle, and wincing as she heard the quiet hiss of the girl at something Claudine must have accidentally done to elicit pain. After a pause and a check to see if Maya was now alright to continue, Claudine finished up her bandaging and handed Maya the icepack to gently place on her injured foot.

It was silent. Only the ticking of the room’s clock could be heard.

Until it no longer was.

“I know.” The first words Claudine had spoken after her long silence were, “I know.” She repeated, sighing as she clasped both of Maya’s hands in hers, resting her forehead on their joined hands, face hidden from Maya’s view.

“You know…?” Maya prompted her to continue.

“I know that you are capable of taking care of yourself.” She breathed, lifting her head slightly so that her eyes were now fixed on Maya, lips ghosting over Maya’s hands. A soft kiss was placed on a knuckle each, and Claudine breathed deep. “I just… worry.” Her eyes had this tinge of pain that made Maya’s heart clench. They were so warm and passionate, and so… sad.

Maya felt her face heat up at the most adorable thing that happened next, heart nearly stopping, unable to take it.

Claudine tilted her head slightly to the side, eyes looking up at her from where the French girl was, the tiniest frown on her face. “Is that so wrong… Ma Maya?” Her quiet question released a cage of butterflies inside Maya as she could not help the uncharacteristically large grin from plastering itself on her face.

Maya giggled, and laughed, and smiled, intertwining her fingers with that of the one she loved so dearly.

“I suppose not.” She smiled, leaning in for a sweet kiss, before planting one over Claudine’s forehead. Everything was so warm, calming and sweet.

-Until that teasing light in Maya’s eyes returned.

“Not if I get to have you all over me like this.” She grinned. “I should consider getting into a few more “accidents” in the future if this is what it results in, Ma Claudine. A bashful, sweet-“

 “Méchante va, TENDOU MAYA!”

  A/N: Aight, I got carried away... cheers?

~Shintori Khazumi

[waveridden]

seb townsend?

i am going to assume you meant either seb or mike and this was a mistake, or possibly you do not know blaseball and have successfully reverse-engineered these two names from my posts without realizing that it is two characters. but i am stalling homework so you will get both characters. tossing under a cut just bc it’s long as hell

sebastian telephone

favorite thing about them

he’s a NICE BOY... he’s very excited and cool and happy to be here and he’s just like. the kind of person you enjoy spending time around

least favorite thing about them

fucked up that he died twice. that shouldn’t happen

favorite moment

i actually do not know enough about steaks lore/etc to have one although i will say the moment in hall stars where he got incinerated again was one of the most devastating things i have ever experienced

brOTP

jess obviously and i especially think we as a fandom need to zoom in more on the fact that the seb telephone from season 4 on is from another dimension because can you imagine being jess telephone and spending your whole life with your brother weaker than you and relying on you and then one day he’s replaced by someone who’s almost exactly the same but not quite. i think that would be horrible. also it’s fucked up that he was never on the team at the same time as allison because i feel like they could be a really good “someone will die” “of fun!” pair

OTP

townseb because it’s the world’s saddest concept. you know what the timeline is like? sebastian gets reality-swapped in the season 4 elections. that means they get two seasons where they can spend time together, and then mike is in the shadows and seb gets incinerated about three months later. and then mike is out of the shadows during hall stars, and then seb gets incinerated again instead of getting released. it’s all about the timing and the almost-maybe-what-if of it all it’s about the stars never quite aligning but they keep trying anyways

nOTP

i don’t really have one? i mean i’m no expert but i have seen seb/conner haley and i would love for someone to like. explain that to me. because based on my knowledge level (ie wiki pages) i don’t get it

random headcanon

he’s actually a really good cook? like not a Professional Chef but makes a mean carbonara, that kind of a thing.

unpopular opinion

i see him listed as one of the “Main Characters Of Blaseball” a whole bunch and it’s like. he’s not. it’s nice that you think he is but i disagree with you. (i mean also i think part of the fun of blaseball is there are no Main Characters other than, like, jaylen and jess and maybe landry, but i digress)

song i associate with them

i truly don’t know but cola made a townseb playlist and i have been thinking about parallel universe by clara benin for a week now so i’m going with that

favorite picture of them

i don’t know about “favorite” but this made me cry for like five minutes the other day so it’s top of mind

#

#

mike townsend

favorite thing about them

mike townsend is the kind of guy who will help you move into your new apartment. not because you’re, like, friends with him, but because you needed an extra pair of hands and he’s around. he’s genuinely just happy to be here. he’s just like... a fundamentally decent person.

least favorite thing about them

he’s such a fucking pushover. grow a spine michael

favorite moment

the first time he retreated into the shadows and absolutely nobody knew what to do or how to handle it. also this is less of a moment and more just a thing i enjoy but i think it’s SO funny that there’s lore about how he can strike out jessica telephone. like that’s the one thing he can do and that rules

brOTP

i know a lot of people go in for mike/jaylen as good friends and i think that’s very good, and i enjoy mike and lenny a lot. but i am here to make the case for allison abbott, who always kind of pushed him around (as a joke) and took him for granted (he’s a very nice guy) and then suddenly he was gone? and oh shit it feels kind of mean that they kept calling him a disappointment and a fuck-up and making jokes about how bad he was? and as soon as mike was out of the shadows she called him and was like. hey i was kind of a dick to you and i think it was in a bad way, can we try and be better friends now

OTP

once again i love townseb, and i think tillsend is pretty good, but i think like... okay. i was trying to explain to someone recently that part of the appeal of tillman/mike/declan is that they are all kind of dirtbags but they are different kind of dirtbags. but also i think mike/declan are very compatible dirtbags and it’s a truly underrated dynamic

nOTP

mmmmm not sure i think you could sell me on a lot of ships with mike in them. although i do think he’s gay as hell

random headcanon

only drinks coffee because everyone else does. if he’s left to his own devices this man has two modes and they’re water and red bull

unpopular opinion

i think he should be allowed to be mad at jaylen? like not necessarily Bitter Enemies or anything but i think there is a little bit of tension inherent to that relationship like. speaking personally if i gave up my life and existence for someone and then that person killed a bunch of people and scattered my friends across the country, i might have a hard time picking up a normal friendly relationship with them

song i associate with them

i mean all the garages songs. is that a copout

favorite picture of them

i am incredibly fond of this art of mike and jaylen

[madamemayura]

interesting post you've written about Cass/Raps being a tragic romance. maybe you'll be feel better if you write a longer one on your thoughts on that... ;)

Okay this took me WAY longer than I expected but y’all ask for tragic readings and I deliver, so may I present: Rapunzel and Cassandra as a tragic romantic subversion of the Knight in Shining Armor.

Alright, as a disclaimer I will say that the way this reading works is that it’s just that: a reading. Cassandra and Rapunzel as a tragic romance (while simultaneously remaining a fantastic depiction of female friendship) is an interpretation of TTS that I find incredibly valid and, in a storytelling sense, rewarding. This isn’t to say the creators intended it to be that way or that this is the one and only reading of Cassandra and Rapunzel’s dynamic, but it is a reading I subscribe to and believe to hold evidence, support, chemistry, and immense value in a literary and creative sense.

So let’s get into why that is.

Consider Cassandra and Rapunzel, together. Their friendship is well established even as the show starts, and over the course of the series we watch Cass serve as a foil to Raps in a multitude of ways: she’s the experience to her inexperience, the logical to her creative, the knight to her princess. Cass wears dark earth-tones in her preferred clothing while Rapunzel opts for a vibrancy of pinks and purples; Cassandra’s approach to problems is straightforward and direct, while Rapunzel’s involves planning and imaginative thinking (see: Queen for a Day, the use of the Demanitus Device); Cass is private and reserved, Rapunzel open and outgoing. 

The building blocks of their dynamic are prime material for a developing romance, complete with tension, conflict, and positive growth. They’re complementary opposites in most of their mannerisms, yet both are brave, adventurous, intuitive, competitive, and though they show it in different ways, ultimately good and compassionate people.

So why is this a tragedy? Why is it that Rapunzel and Cassandra’s relationship is inherently doomed, shot through with hairline fractures that lead to a temporary yet heartbreaking betrayal in Destinies Collide?

The answer lies not only in context and circumstances, but even deeper, in the very core of their characters; Rapunzel’s driving force is freedom, and Cassandra’s is control.

While the previous description of Cassandra and Rapunzel as foils lists complementary opposites, puzzle pieces that ultimately still fit together, these two forces are repelling magnets, each of them informing many of Cass and Rapunzel’s individual character flaws and virtues.

Perhaps the root of the tragedy that encompasses Cassandra and Rapunzel’s story is that both are justified in being driven by their respective desires. Cassandra, who has spent most of her life striving for a position she can’t reach, trying to prove herself worthy of respect and trust and arguably doing just that, has yet to see the rewards for her hard work. She is never given the position of control and influence she desires, despite having developed both her skills and her instincts.

Rapunzel, similarly, has every right to the freedom she was crucially denied in her past; after enduring emotional manipulation and abuse throughout her childhood, abuse exacted with the intent to keep her isolated and caged, there can be no other resolution than that she fight against any and all restraints.

Yet freedom for Rapunzel is a double-edged sword. Despite her escape from the tower that was her prison, she finds herself in the position of a princess and future queen, a role that comes with rules, regulations, and no shortage of trials. As Rapunzel and the audience discover in Queen for a Day, her royalty can put her in positions where she is anything but free to act, and if she’s to be an effective ruler, she has to learn to compromise. Sometimes, to devastating results.

Cassandra, likewise, is forced to show some of her more fatal flaws when it comes to her desire for control. Her stubbornness and occasional tunnel-vision are a result of that need to be in charge, that need to be heard and listened to oftentimes above anyone else. Being unfairly ignored, combined with her tendency to keep her true feelings bottled up, leads to her putting ambition over her relationships and sometimes lashing out harshly, going further than she previously intended. It happens in Challenge of the Brave when she competes less than ethically against Rapunzel, Great Expotations when she backs out of her agreement with Varian, and most notably in a brilliantly written yet incredibly heartwrenching episode, Rapunzel and the Great Tree:

“Cass, you of all people should know I can handle myself pretty well out here. I don’t need someone to keep me safe.”

It begins here, with Rapunzel’s honest but unintentionally hurtful remark. As the audience already knows, Rapunzel doesn’t need protecting, but in the moment she says it the question must be asked: if Rapunzel needs no protection, no guardian, no knight… what does that make Cassandra?

Cass, who has chased after a position as a guard of Corona, who promises her king that she’ll keep his daughter safe, whose moment of truth in the first season was stepping up as captain and leading the attack in Old Corona. If she’s not the knight in shining armor, who is she?

And of course, we might be able to come up with a plethora of answers. She’s Rapunzel’s best friend, an excellent strategist and fighter, an adventurer, a hardworker, her own individual woman, and much more. Yet, despite her frustration of being put in second place, of literally waiting in the wings, Cassandra insists on existing in Rapunzel’s shadow. She wants recognition, a position that comes with honor and control, but she wants them in close relation to Rapunzel because of the love she holds for her.

There lies Cassandra’s dilemma: she’s afraid of what might happen if she ever breaks out of that shadow, if she ever achieves her goal and comes center stage. If she’s not Rapunzel’s protector, will she have any place in her life? Cassandra, desperate to remain near the woman and friend she’s fallen in love with, has meticulously sculpted her own future around her, and in doing so has forgotten to take into account that Rapunzel might not follow that exact route.

Now, is there anything wrong with Cassandra wanting to serve as Rapunzel’s protector? Not at all. The two of them have proven on multiple occasions that they’re a formidable team, as well as close friends, and Cass is more than up to the task. Yet we-the-audience know that Rapunzel, driven by freedom and currently undergoing an arc that’s whole purpose is reclaiming her agency, deserves the right to make her own choices (a fact driven even further home as we see Zhan Tiri’s disciples, the most significant of villains in the series, try desperately to take away that exact ability).

And those very choices are what cause the rift between herself and Cassandra.

“I can’t do that, Cass.”

“What do you mean you can’t do that? Are you that obliviously naïve that you can’t–”

“Enough, Cassandra!”

It’s in this particular moment where Rapunzel and Cassandra’s staple characteristics flip: Cass, normally able to keep her feelings tightly bound, is emotional and angry, while Rapunzel (in stark contrast to her uncertainty in Queen for a Day) becomes stern and unmoving.

The brilliance and heartbreak bound in this scene is that Cassandra, though ultimately right in her insistence that the group move on from the Tree of Zhan Tiri, has unknowingly echoed rhetoric that Gothel, Rapunzel’s abuser, once used to keep her in line. The tragedy is that Cassandra is right but goes too far, and that Rapunzel has every right to respond harshly.

Because, when it comes down to it, Rapunzel retains her freedom through having the control Cassandra cannot.

And thanks to the particularly tense events of season two, the two of them have not found a compromise that allows them to share it. As Cassandra attempts to exercise the control she’s worked towards for so long, she is unwittingly depriving Rapunzel of the freedom she’s only just recently found. On the other hand, Rapunzel, in exercising her own agency and stepping into the role she has long been training for, deprives Cass of an agency of her own. 

It is important also to remember that, though friends, Rapunzel and Cassandra retain a professional relationship of a royal woman and her subject, a princess/heir to a kingdom and her sworn protector. It’s this relationship that ties control and freedom so closely together for both of them, further complicating their character progression and dynamic.

And truly, why shouldn’t Cass be respected and her advice heeded after all she’s proven her capability? And again, why should Rapunzel have to sacrifice any of her agency or her own sense of capability for the sake of Cassandra? There’s a balance between them, but one that is delicate and often interrupted, eventually to the point where we realize that Rapunzel and Cassandra’s motivations, however justified, are doomed to clash.

A comparison between the dynamics of Rapunzel, Cassandra, and Eugene is vital to this reading, though not in the ways one might think. Both Eugene and Cass legitimately and truly love Rapunzel, and neither of their love is diminished by the other. The main difference is within Cass and Eugene’s individual characters; while Cassandra and Rapunzel are both in the midst of their journeys of self-discovery (the thing that leads Cass to most of her inner and outer-conflict), Eugene was not.

Eugene and Cassandra parallel one another in their roles as Rapunzel’s support, but Cassandra isn’t satisfied or even entirely comfortable in that position. Her desire for control, for her own agency, provides an obstacle that Eugene simply doesn’t have throughout the majority of the series. This, as it happens, is the root of his crisis in Destinies Collide; Eugene’s betrayal to the group is so brief due to the uncertainty of the situation, and ultimately is overcome by him reaffirming the identity he’s always had.

Cassandra, however, has not yet fully discovered her own identity. She has no deep foundation, no certainty to fall back on, only her contrasting desires and an incredible drive to accomplish them.

Unlike Cassandra, Eugene has already lived center-stage as Flynn Rider. We watch him develop past his selfishness and arrogance, watch as Rapunzel becomes his “new dream,” and continue to watch as their relationship is reaffirmed in the series. One of the most refreshing aspects of Eugene and Rapunzel as a couple is the healthiness of the dynamic, the lack of manufactured drama (i.e. drama for drama’s sake), and the genuine love and maturity woven into their relationship. 

None of this is to say that Eugene is at all better or superior to Cassandra, or Cassandra better or superior to Eugene; rather, the parallels and differences between their two characters help illuminate the inner-workings of their respective relationships with Rapunzel. They both love her, but how that love thrives in one dynamic and hurts in the other comes down to this: Eugene is done with center stage, and Cassandra has never even been in it.

The tragedy of Rapunzel and Cassandra’s romance, then, is this: though they deeply love and care for one another (and always will), though they have helped one another grow, have made each other better people in a way no less valuable than Rapunzel and Eugene have, they’ve reached the point where they no longer can. They aren’t toxic to one another, but static; if Cass wants her moment in the sun, a moment she fully deserves, she needs to pursue it on her own.

And Cassandra is afraid to accept that.

This aspect of analysis will try to avoid going into too much speculation, since the whole story behind Cassandra’s betrayal is still a mystery. That aspect aside, this moment is undeniably where Cass’ inner-conflict comes to a head.

How does Cassandra get everything she wants? How does she stay with Rapunzel while also getting the control and agency she craves? Cass won’t accept a world where she has to operate independent of Rapunzel, yet it’s independence that she longs for. This, possibly combined with a desire to protect Rapunzel and save her life (and/or supernatural influence from mysterious room in Rapunzeltopia), moves her to grab the moonstone, to stop “waiting in the wings” and move center stage.

The tragedy isn’t that Cassandra is evil, or that she’s too selfish or arrogant or jealous. No, the tragedy is that Cassandra is a character perfectly tailored to have her own protagonist’s journey, but cannot let go of being her princess’ knight in shining armor. And it’s that very armor she now wears that might well end up corrupting her.

[okimargarvez]

How to develop a relationship (and how not to)

Sharly vs Luke & Lisa

My favorite ships at this 'moment' are Garvez (Luke Alvez and Penelope Garcia, Criminal Minds) and Shea (Shaun Murphy and Lea Dilallo, The Good Doctor).

The evolution of both couples it was opposite. Garvez dynamic it's the typical one of love-hate with a lot of sexual tension, turned in a wonderful friendship. Between Shaun and Lea was born a great friendship since the beginning, because she doesn't treat him like an autistic person, but just as a person; even if Shaun was suddenly very taken by her and we understand this after their 'escape', when she convinced him to skip work. And how ended that escape? With his first kiss. Then Lea had to move to Hershey and this period is clear that what Shaun feels for her it’s serious (like when he says he likes Hershey, even if he never been there, but Lea is there, so...). Don't let me talk about the car fragrance or about the songs. Then Lea came back but things were difficult, she made clear that he hadn't to think about them in romantic way. At the end of Season 2 Shaun started to talk with a girl, a pathologists named Carly, after a while he asked her a date and she said yes. But just a moment before Shaun asked Lea how he is, and seems that she believed he wanted to date her.

In a very few times my ships had to face the same problem: a rival, another woman, a third wheel: Lisa and Carly. Why, though, it's easier to accept the introduction of this last one? And even their story.

Let me first say, even if I have already said this, I hate the way CM writers use Lisa characters and Not her.

Said this... There are at least 3 main reasons.

1. Time when we saw Lisa on the screen it's much less than Carly's. Lisa appears during only 3 episodes. Her first blind date with Luke; only 20 seconds at the hospital for no reason (if not to remind us she still exists); in a tragic episode, aimed to demonstrate Luke's change. Instead, Carly it's a constant presence since her first significant moment with Shaun at her lab, and above all, since their date, during Season 3.

2. We know so little about Lisa than about Carly. And, in the first case, are mostly instrumental informations, for make her more similar to Luke (the fact they were in the same hard places). Instead, the most important thing we know about Carly (at least for me) it's that she has a sister with autism and that this can help her to understand him.

3. The growing of the relationship. Lisa and Luke met during a blind date (13x12), for the willing of his best friend Phil. But we know nothing about her until episode 13x21, when Luke said to Tara 'she has just a drawer. 8 episodes where he never said at least her name. Lisa appeared again in 14x1, then in 14x6, when they have just moved on together. Luke named her in episode 14x11, when he complained with Penelope about the fact Lisa wanted a housewarming party; he named her in 14x15, during Ross's wedding, saying she had to work overtime; he said her name even in 15x1, during the babyshower of the 5th Simmons, another family moment where she was absent. We saw them while they were known each other too little, we lived with nothing for too long, and their rare romantic moments Even if the ending scene of 14x6 seems to suggest that after Phil's death Lisa will be his safe place, but considering her continued absence is difficult to believe it.

The relationship between Carly and Shaun is more detailed and we see a lot of their scenes. Before they were just coworkers, then Shaun asked her out. We see their first date, but also the other following ones. We see them talk, kiss (more times than just once as with Luke/Lisa), arguing and make peace. But, overall, Carly did always her best to make him at ease, comfortable. She has patience, she is understanding; it's really hard to dislike or hate her. Off course, she is not perfect, like every times she thinks the others are interfere with their story... But even in this, she has her part of reason. And, you can say whatever about her, but there will be always this: she makes Shaun happy.

These are the reasons why I can bear easier Sharly than Luke/Lisa (they don't have a ship name, to deeper it see this). Carly wasn't introduced to make us laugh during scenes like the one where Garcia was sent to stop Luke' date. Carly is not a nuisance, it's a growth element, for Shaun, for herself and even for Lea. Now, I don't know how will go to both couples; for CM we are about to find out, while for TGD I wish we can have a lot of seasons. But I'm sure about something: if the story between Carly and Shaun will continue and will become more serious, I will handle it and I will be even happy for them. Not the same for Luke and Lisa. Not as long as I keep seeing a man so happy to dance with a woman it's not his, less sorry than his coworker that his girlfriend is not there, a man who keeps looking at his colleague as she was a miracle. Here, I can't stand this. I'm always here to change my mind, but not to let someone (especially professional person) make fun of me. I know this is all about fiction, but I studied these things (really) and there is a thin (not really so thin) line between bantering fans and mocking them deliberately, deluding them just to make them to watch.

And what's the reason for not make garvez? We want to say it aloud? Because Penelope isn't the classic slim. Just this. CM has the chance to set us the example (that I see every day, everywhere): demonstrate that you can be with everyone, no matter how you are physically, just that you two love each other. Stop.

Ok, in fact there 8s a fourth reason. With the introduction of Carly, the moment between Shaun and Lea decreased but didn't totally disappear. While in Season 13, after Lisa we had a period of empty, filled only by little fragments that had, however, confirmed the thesis (Luke still thinks the same about Pen, how he looks at her in 13x16?). Luckily, in Season 14 things got better, and the 15 seems even more. Give garvez scenes, even just friendly moments. Show them together, just that. Like for Shea.

It's already a good step. Because, not show them together it would be like try to make us forget what happened before. And their friendship. But I won't do it. Nothing can make me forget sentences like 'If I ever could be the someone you want to go to when you are crying'. Or 'Thank you, Lea. My life is better with you'.

Just as I never stop to ship garvez and shea.

Because I believe something that it's really sad. Good is good, but best is best. And, in my opinion, Lea and Penelope are the best for Shaun and Luke. Not because they together can have the best relationships of the world... No, they are a mess, each for different reasons. No, what I mean is that, in the eyes of Luke, nobody will ever be like Penelope; he never looked to Lisa as he does with Penelope. About Shaun, the way he acts when is with Lea it's just different than with Carly, even Sharly shippers noticed that he seems more comfortable with Lea...

I don't know if they are really the best for them, but they are different, that “different” that makes, indeed, the difference.

All my ramblings

[golden-van-fleet]

I’ll Cover You

Summary: You and Joe met during a revival of Rent on Broadway.

Word Count: 2833

A/N: This was entirely based on a conversation I had with @starfleet-wannabe last night. We really love Joe, it’s almost unhealthy. This is easily readable if you haven’t seen Rent! Enjoy! 

Warnings: Swearing

You’d seen him before, tucked away into corners or in the middle of a crowd of people dancing in unison. You knew his name, and that he was no stranger to the stage. You didn’t know how you’d managed to find yourself on stage with him, sharing the spotlight in a revival of Rent on Broadway.

Joe Mazzello was Mark, the nerdy and shy filmmaker, engrossed in documenting the life of his fellow broke New Yorkers during the HIV/AIDS crisis. Joe fit right in with the East Village cast, his own passion for filmmaking playing a heavy role in his interest in his character. It was what made his character so like him, but Mark’s timidness was what made Joe so lovable, on and off stage.

You were Maureen Johnson. Loud. Passionate. Mark’s ex, current lover of Joanne. It was so unlike you, you couldn’t help but think during the casting process. Maureen was hellbent on getting her production to a stage, so dramatic and yet, not as unlike you as you’d once thought. She had ambition, a drive about her that mirrored your own. You’d fought hard to get to where you were, a feat you were inexplicably proud of.

For someone who claimed they couldn’t dance very well, Joe couldn’t help but watch you during rehearsals for “Tango: Maureen”. The song highlighted the tension in Maureen’s relationships as she flirted shamelessly with men and women alike. Mark and Joanne were furious, but Joe was captivated. Maureen was sexy, confident, and fierce, and it all but oozed from you as you sauntered across the stage, commanding the attention of all men and women- on stage and off.

In between rehearsals, Joe made a point to talk to you about whatever he could. You were fascinating to him, so like him and yet so different. You appreciated his efforts, his warm and inviting nature drawing you closer to him. Every day you woke up excited to work with him, and every night you went home and couldn’t wait to do it all over again.

As opening night drew nearer, you noticed that your relationship with Joe got more and more personal. Strictly professional, of course, but friendly nonetheless. He’d complimented you after a grueling dress rehearsal, leaving out the part about how long he’d wanted to say something about your performance. The director had been particularly harsh that day, which was expected, but so unnecessarily frustrating it made you wonder if the show was worth it. Joe was always there to cheer you up after a difficult day and was the one person you were most thankful for during the run of the show.

“You were absolutely phenomenal in that last run. I mean, you always are,” he corrected himself quickly, his nerves overcoming him. He was talking to you, not Maureen. He didn’t need to be nervous, but you looked so good in your costume, he wasn’t sure he could contain himself. It wasn’t anything spectacular by your standards, but to him, it was everything.

“Really? Thank you,” you said, smiling warmly at the man who was sweating bullets. “I was a bit nervous about the changes they made yesterday. Totally thought I was going to blow straight through them,” you admitted, leading the two of you off the stage and into the wings.

“If you did, I couldn’t tell,” Joe whispered, forced to lean closer to you to be heard. You weren’t supposed to talk in the wings, but with someone as captivating as Joe, you were willing to make a few exceptions. “That whole cow bit is fantastic. It’s my favorite part of the show.” Ah, yes, the bit where you mime drinking Diet Coke straight from the… cow.

You rolled your eyes, nudging him playfully. The director called for the main cast to come out on stage, halting your conversation momentarily. You had every intention of continuing it the second you were given the opportunity.

“Seasons of Love, everybody! Places!”

Joe was stuck on the end, and you were almost dead center. Despite the row of people between you, lined up in a straight line across the front of the stage, Joe still managed to catch you out of the corner of his eye.

Your emotion was raw. “Seasons of Love” was the most emotionally moving song you’d ever performed, and it took almost too much out of you each performance. A year felt so long and so short at the same time, and the past year had been so difficult for you. You’d lost a lot, loved a lot, and learned a lot in the process. Tears welled in your eyes and streamed down your face from the second the song started until the lights faded at the end of the song.

“Y/N! That was incredible!” The director cheered, the entire cast facing you, sheepishly wiping tears off your cheeks. You hadn’t had a solo, those were for Joanne and Collins, so your best guess pointed to your reaction to the song. It moved the director to tears, something you hadn’t noticed until you met his eyes. “I think we can call that a wrap for today. Rest up tomorrow, and I’ll see you back on Monday!”

Joe was the first person you saw when you turned back towards the dressing rooms.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Make it all seem so effortless,” he said, almost exasperated.

“I channel as much pain into it as I can manage for the day and cry the rest into a glass of wine when I get home,” you deadpanned, picking up your bag. You couldn’t help but laugh when you saw Joe’s expression, concerned and helpless. “I’m kidding. This past year was so difficult for me, and I use that for this song. The rest of the show is just stepping out of my comfort zone and hoping I’ll make Idina Menzel proud.”

“I’m sure you already make her proud. I heard she’s coming opening night,” Joe shrugged, packing up his own things.

“Really?” You tried to curb your enthusiasm. Honestly. And to anyone else, knowing that the original actress both in the original cast on Broadway and in the film adaption of your current role would be in attendance would probably scare them shitless. But you were so excited, you knew that each Maureen would bring something different to the role, and you tried to avoid comparing yourself to her and the other actresses that came before you.

“Yeah, I think so, anyway. Hey, are you doing anything after this?” Joe asked, holding the door open for you as you left the theatre. His heart pounded in his chest as he awaited your answer.

“I was planning on going home and running through “Over the Moon” one more time, but that can hold off until later. What’d you have in mind?”

It was dark out, but both of you were illuminated by the lights so characteristically New York City that you couldn’t tell if his cheeks were pink because you were interested in his offer or because of the lights surrounding you.

“I was going to order takeout, but would you want to go get dinner with me? Not as a date,” he added quickly. Too quickly. It stung a little bit, hearing him shoot it down almost immediately. Your heart sank a little, but you put on a brave face before agreeing.

“Sure, I don’t see why not. Where did you have in mind?”

A couple blocks and about ten minutes later, you found yourself sat in front of Joe in an obnoxiously red leather booth in a tiny diner. It was so endearing it was sickening. It was like you dove headfirst into the setting of Grease. Which, by the way, Joe quickly found out was one of your favorite movies.

Joe sat with his chin in his hand, watching you speak with unwavering attention. Everything you said had such a passion behind it, your hands unconsciously gesticulating as you got more and more excited when you spoke. It was adorable.

It was then you realized that you really, really liked Joe. It was akin to a schoolgirl crush, the way his smile made your heart rate increase and when he spoke your name it was like only the two of you existed at that moment. You were crossing into the danger zone, and you knew it. Relationships between actors in the same show felt wrong, what with the cast being such a family, and they were advised against to avoid animosity when it came to breakups. But what would it hurt if you were just testing the waters?

Unbeknownst to you, Joe had already fallen into said waters headfirst. Hell, he’d drowned at this point. He knew it was a bad idea, he knew better, he knew to keep it professional. And he did the best he could, given the circumstances.

He tried to attribute the softness in your eyes to you being friendly. You tried to attribute his attentiveness to you to the way he was raised. You both tried your hardest to ignore the ache in your chest when you saw the other with someone else, sitting just slightly too close or smiling just a little too wide. It was a dirty little secret, sneaking glances when the other person wasn’t looking and returning them because, in reality, the other person was looking right back at them. It was flushed cheeks hidden under stage makeup, an appropriate metaphor for your relationship if you could call it that.

Opening night came and went off without a hitch. The cast met up for dinner following the show, a celebration to kick off the eight-month run with this same cast. Joe was glued to your hip the entire night, and you to his. Eight months felt like such a long time with the rest of the cast but didn’t feel like nearly enough time with Joe.

Mark and Maureen had the strained relationship of ex-lovers, while behind the scenes you and Joe had the strained relationship of something that was meant to come to fruition. Joe wished you good luck with a sincere “break a leg,” and a kiss to your cheek every night. You returned it, and you were the first person to congratulate him on a show well done in the wings with a tight hug, your arms thrown around his neck.

One night, one random Thursday night, the whole dynamic changed. Instead of his kiss landing on your cheek, you’d turned your head in surprise and his lips landed on the corner of your mouth. Instead of recoiling, as a best friend should have, you took his face in your hands and placed the gentlest of kisses to his lips.

“If you’re going to kiss someone good luck, you have to do it properly,” you mused, before making your way to the wings to start the show.

The entirety of the show that night was a blur, and although his performance was spectacular to everyone else in attendance, you knew why he was in the headspace he was in. You cursed yourself for it, retreating to your dressing room as quickly as you could before he could find you. Of course, he found you.

Three soft knocks on your dressing room door had your palms sweating and your heart rate rising. God, you’d outdone yourself this time. You’d really had to go and screw it all up, huh?

“Joe.”

“Y/N, what the fuck was that?” He was fuming. He’d fought so hard to keep himself from holding onto you too long, to keep himself from kissing you, to keep himself from daydreaming about you being his for too long to allow you to ruin his progress. He dreamt of waking up next to you and calling you his, it was all he wanted, but he knew he couldn’t have it. And that infuriated him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you, it was stupid and I wasn’t thinking, and I know it bothered you because I know you and I know how you act and you weren’t you tonight, you were just Mark, and, I’m sorry,” you rambled, tears starting to form. “I was selfish and didn’t take your feelings into consideration.”

“This is our job, Y/N.” He closed the door behind himself, closing off the world from your conversation. It reminded you of that night in the diner, now ages ago, and the stark contrast to it made you sick. “I had to tell myself that our relationship is strictly professional every night for the better half of a year now. I’ve wanted you since I saw you at the first rehearsals, and I want nothing more for you to be mine, but we can’t sacrifice our professionalism for it.”

“And you don’t think I’ve been telling myself the same thing? I know how you look at me because I look at you the same way. Every time you think I can’t see you staring? I feel you looking at me. So forgive me for compromising our professionalism when you’ve been right in front of me this whole time, sending me signals like a fifteen-year-old.” You seethed, angrily scrubbing what was left of your makeup off with a makeup wipe before turning back to face him.

He was stuck. Here you were, laying your heart on the line for something so taboo that you’d worked so hard to earn. You wanted him just as desperately as he wanted you.

“Fuck it,” he whispered, grabbing your face and pulling your lips to his. It wasn’t pretty. The first couple of seconds were all teeth and tongue before both of you relaxed into each other, finding a rhythm between you. You were the first to pull away, your forehead resting against his. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you mumbled, your thumb brushing against his bottom lip. “Looks like the rest of the world is just gonna have to get over it, huh?” You teased, as Joe cracked a small smile.

“Yeah, I guess they are.”

The cast saw it coming from the first day. You and Joe were inseparable from the start of dance rehearsals, as you’d had a number of scenes together and had to tango together in “Tango: Maureen”.

“Are they ever gonna admit to each other that they’re hopelessly in love with the other?” Claire, who played Joanne, whispered to Adam, who played Angel.

“Not until they admit it to themselves,” he snickered back, the two of them watching the two of you watch each other with the human equivalent of heart eyes. So when you finally came clean and admitted to being a couple, the rest of the cast told you it was about time.

You ended up being nominated for a Tony for your role in Rent. Joe assured you that you deserved the award, that you would walk away with it that night. He was right, of course.

“I found a lot of myself in Maureen,” you started, feeling like a fish out of water. You found Joe in the audience, his eyes shining with admiration. In him, you found your composure. “And I did everything I could to channel myself into her. To understand her. Everything I’ve done up until now has led me to this. This is beyond my wildest dreams, and I want to thank my wonderful director and co-stars for creating such a nurturing and loving environment from which we could all grow. And to Joe, this award is just as much mine as it is yours. I have you to thank for the motivation to continue on. I love you.”

You walked off stage before realizing what you said. It was your first “I love you” that just so happened to be broadcast around the world. Joe welcomed you back to your seat with open arms.

“I love you, too, congratulations,” he whispered into your ear before letting you go to sit back down.

While you waited and prayed to every god you could think of to bring Joe into your life, you never imagined it would end up like this. All of the heartaches were worth it as you looked at the man who brought you nothing but joy. He meant the world to you, and despite playing bitter exes during the show, something deep down told you your relationship wouldn’t end like theirs.

I think they meant it when they said you can’t buy love,

Now I know you can rent it, a new lease you are my love.

“I’ll cover you,” he whispered, a smile playing at his lips at his song reference, pulling you into a sweet kiss. You smiled against his lips, relaxing back into your seat when you parted. Rent taught you to make the best out of your situation, and judging by the look on Joe’s face, you did just that.