#Laina Dawes

[sendmyresignation]

something I've been thinking about lately. i do think it's incredibly telling that almost 80 percent of the conversations around 'gatekeeping' and 'posers' and shit end up just becoming vitriolic hatred of 'alt girls' like i hate shit spotify playlists and dollskill fake leather edge and tiktok recommendations as much as the next person but this is a very big attitude coming from a website full of people who spent their formative middle school years shopping at hot topic for multi-colored skinny jeans while listening to like. falling in reverse or 21p unironically (this is a self-own btw). first of all teenagers having shit taste isn't killing punk music. but also why is the object of your hatred always boil down to a woman faking it? as if it isn't the single oldest stereotype in heavy music? like am i insane for thinking this is an issue

[jasmancer]

I'd love to see more sources on black ppl in the punk scene :-)!!

Ya of course!!!! These cover more overall rock but here's a few books I still suuuuper recommend

Rip It Up: The Black Experience in Rock N Roll by Kandia Crazy Horse

A great anthology of articles and interviews with black rock artists and fans dating back to the 70s. One of the articles featured is White Noise Supremacists by Lester Bangs (originally published 1979) which is a really interesting look into early punk culture's flippant attitude around appropriating white supremacist symbols and being racist/homophobic/antisemitic "ironically." cw there's tons of slurs in this article

bookshop.org

thriftbooks

Black Diamond Queens: African American Women in Rock and Roll by Maureen Mahon

A very recent book! Each section looks into various influential women in Rock, including Big Mama Thornton (the original and far superior singer of Hound Dog,) Tina Turner, Betty Davis, and the Shirelles to name a few.

bookshop.org

thriftbooks

Be My Baby by Ronnie Spector

The late great Ronnie Spector's autobiography. The black girl groups of the 60s were a massive part of the genesis of "classic" rock as we know it, and the Ronettes in particular were INCREDIBLY formative artists. The Rolling Stones opened for THEM. Another cw: Ronnie was in an abusive relationship with their producer Phil Spector for much of their career, and this is discussed at length in the book so read with care.

bookshop.org

thriftbooks

A few relevant books I have yet to read:

Dreadnaught: King of Afropunk, by D.H. Peligro of Dead Kennedys fame

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?: A Black Woman’s Life and Liberation in Heavy Metal, by Laina Dawes (who wrote the article Why I Was Never A Riot Grrrl)

Here's a few online sources tooooooo

One of the last interviews with Poly Styrene before she passed

Trash Theory's video on Poly Styrene and her influence on riot grrrl

Why Bad Brains Were Banned in D.C.

A Band Called Death (Full Documentary)

[virgosenterlude]

‘Black Girls in Heavy Metal’ podcast episode by Laina Dawes

[ghnosis]

page 1 of dissertation prospectus bibliography is done

ALDERSLADE, Merlin. 2019. “How Ghost became the face of the new generation of heavy metal.” Metal Hammer. May 29 [online] Available at: https://www.loudersound.com/features/how-ghost-became-the-face-of-the-new-generation-of-heavy-metal 

ANZALDÚA, Gloria. 2021. Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza.  (The Critical Edition, edited by Ricard F. Vivancos-Pérez and Normal Elia Cantú) San Francisco: Aunt Lute Books. 

ARROW, V. 2013 ‘Real person(a) fiction’, in JAMIESON, A.(ed.). Fic: Why Fanfiction Is Taking Over the World, Dallas: Smart Pop, 323–32.  

BAKHTIN, Mikhail. 1984. Rabelais and His World. Bloomington: Indiana University Press. 

BENNETT, J. 2013. 'Receive the Beast’. Decibel, Issue 100/February, 75-84. 

BENSHOFF, Harry M. 2015. 'The Monster and the Homosexual.' In GRANT, Barry Keith, The Dread of Difference: Gender and the Horror Film, Austin: University of Texas Press, 16-41. 

BUSSE, Kristina. 2006. ‘My life is a WIP on my LJ: Slashing the slasher and the reality of celebrity and Internet performances.’ In HELLEKSON, Karen and BUSSE, Kristina (eds.). Fan Fiction and Fan Communities in the Age of the Internet: New Essays. Jefferson: McFarland and Company, 207-224. 

BUSSE, Kristina. 2005. ‘Digital Get Down: Postmodern Boy Band Slash and the Queer Female Space.’ In MALCOLM, Cheryl Alexander and NYMAN, Jopi, eros.usa: essays on the culture and literature of desire. Gdańsk: Gdańsk University Press, 103-125. 

BUTLER, Judith. 1990. Gender Trouble. New York: Routledge. 

CHANEY, Keidra and LIEBLER, Raizel. 2006. ‘Me, myself and I: Fan fiction and the art of self-insertion' Bitch. 31, 52-57. 

CHARMAZ, Kathy. 2006. Constructing Grounded Theory: A Practical Guide Through Qualitative Analysis. (2011 reprint) London: SAGE Publications. 

CIXOUS, Hélène. 1976. ‘The Laugh of the Medusa’. Signs, 1(4), 875-893.  

CLIFFORD-NAPOLEONE, Amanda. 2015. 'Living in the margins: Metal’s self-in-reflection.’ Metal Music Studies 1(3), 379-384. 

CLIFFORD-NAPOLEONE, Amanda. 2015. Queerness in Heavy Metal Music: Metal Bent. New York: Routledge. 

COHEN, Cathy J. 1997. 'Punks, Bulldaggers and Welfare Queens: The Radical Potential of Queer Politics?’ GLQ. 3, 437-465. 

DAWES, Laina. 2013. What Are You Doing Here? A Black Woman’s Life and Liberation in Heavy Metal. Brooklyn: Bazillion Points. 

[losterthanlost]

March 18, 2025

Hello.

Lain na sad akong paminaw. Actually maraming happy times and maka-iyak din na moments related kay good man pero mas marami talaga ang happy times. Pero busy kasi sa mga other things and sa sige chat sa kaniya kaya di na ako makapag-journal.

Now, dapat magbasa na ko for minstud pero kahilakon na pud ko. Gimingaw ko niya. HUEY. HAHA. Pero bitaw. Unta okay ra siya. Also, I feel so insecure about A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW. Like usually pa-isaisa ra man ni sila ba na feelings pero nagsabayanay jud sila at this very moment.

Wala koy insecurity sa akong physical looks. Pero insecure ko sa akong pananamit and hair/haristyle. Pero maglisod ko og venture ani kay wala koy kwarta. Pucha. Insecure sad ko sa akong acad standing, acad skills, and mental status. Ambot oy. Kahilakon jud ko gamay.

Btw nag plano na ming duha sa among married life last week hahahaha. Cutie. Pero of course while still being realistic na pwede na dili jud diay mi magkitaay in the future. Sksksks. Or makadayon ra diay mi og laing tao. Okay lang. Basta very good friends kami talaga right now.

Gagi namatay pa jud ang left nako na bluetooth earphone. So sad. Fave ko pa naman ni siya kay ang right naay murag static sound na sakit mej sa dalunggan.

Lagi oy. Basi sa kape ra ni ganinang buntag. Pero kumpleto man ko og kaon. Sad na pud ko. Hapit na ko reglahon. Awa lang. Samok man maging babae oy while having the life I have right now. Oo, dili jud ako ang naay worst na life. Pero lain lang jud akong paminaw. Piste man ni oy. What if maghimo na lang ko og side blog tas didto ko magchika kay good man maski og dili man niya mabasa. Hahays. Kapoya ani oy.

Magbasa na ko oy. Or magpadayon og sulat sa akong gibati diri.

Ambot oy. I feel so disposable. Samok gud. Pero oki ra man.

Feeling nako very emotionally mature na ako especially sa pag-understand sa mga tao or siguro ang word ana is empathy. Murag advanced na ko ana na part ba. To the point na wala na koy mailhan or ma-meet na kaya ko i-handle. Kaya ko sila lahat i-handle pero walang makakaya ng sa akin. Bwiset.

I like my company. Maong gets jud nako kada ma-happy ang mga tao sa akong presence or sa pag-interact sa akoa. Naa gud mutawag sa akoa na their ball of sunshine or happy pill. Pero tungod yata sa akong mood right now, napaisip na pud ko kung maka-meet ba jud ko og sarili nakong ball of sunshine. Karang makapa-brighten jud sa akoang view sa life. Or naa na pero akong hyperindependence ra jud ang nagapababag sa akoa na ma-notice ilang presence.

Samok oy. Dili ko sure kung uyab ang sagot or bestfriend. Or, self improvement ra jud. Galuha-luha jud ko right now. Hahays. Kaluoy man. Wala na maski adult na mahilakan nako. Mga iresonsable silang tanan. Pakyu ninyo.

Pakyu jud.

Abi jud nako maging okay na ni na sem. Pero nagdugang pa jud ko aning yawa na mgt 101. Tapos naa pa jud ning si Malik na naging beautiful distraction nako for more than a month na. HAHA. Tawa daw pero galuha jud ko right now. Laina ani oy. Lain jud.

Isa pa na ginahilakan nako kay naga-match si Malik sa atung lalaki sa akong damgo atung october 2022. Comfortable ko kaayo sa iyaha to the point na open kaayo akong heart sa iyaha and sige ra ko og katawa kada mag-istoryahanay mi. Tapos MU sad mi didto. Pero ang pinaka-jarring na detail jud atung boy sa akong dream na specific jud kaayo para kay Malik kay ang iyang taas na buhok. Taason pud jud og buhok tung tao sa akong dream. Samoka. Taas pud jud og buhok si Malik. Buanga lagi.

Mao pud gihilakan nako siya kay like match jud siya kaayo sa akong ideal na tao (a person, a friend, and a man) and ang flaw ra jud niya kay layo siya kaayo. Like, since tung dream, gina-wishful thinking nako ba na tung boy ato na dream ang para sa akoa. Pero with how things are with Malik murag... showcase ra jud siya para sa akoa and dili giveaway. Murag gipakita ra jud siya sa Diyos ug sa universe as proof na naga-exist akong ideal person. Na dili diay ko delulu. Pero dili diay jud ni siya ihatag sa akoa. Ang ending man gud atung akong damgo kay imbes na gihimo na nako tanan para maka spend time na ko sa atung boy, kay naa pa diay apas na responsibilidad sa akoa by my ante. Dili unta ko gusto muhawa pero siya na mismo naghatag og go signal na unahon na lang sa daw nako akong task. So nihawa ko. Pero wala na ko kabalik kay nakamata na ko.

Piste man diay. Piste jud.

Pero basi man pud gud og open-ended to siya. Like, nakadepende ra jud sa akoa if ma-fulfil to siya or dili.

Pero ngano man pud daw ko dili na lang magsubmit sa anan na possible fate? Nganong mapa-kunokuno pa jud ko na lain jud akong destiny? What if mag submit na lang diay ko ani na course of life?

Bahala na og dili jud diay mi magkadayon in the end. Ang importante, ma-build ra nako akong sarili during the process.

Hahays. Pero bitaw oy. Feel na pud nako na murag na-bored na siya sa akoa. Dili sa ko magchat oy. Siya na mag chat first. Kapoy sa imo.

Still, I like you a lot. You are such a great person. Inside and out. I hope and pray God will grant you the beautiful life you deserve.

OA and emotional ra jud ko kaayo tonight. Samok kaayo. Wala jud koy tarong na privacy pa jud. Ginagamit nako akoang portable keyboard imbes na sa laptop kay aron convenient. Hahays. Samoka ba ani.

Ayorn lang so far. Magbasa na ko for minstud.

[valkyries-things]

DIAMOND ROWE // GUITARIST

“She is an American guitarist and singer in heavy metal band Tetrarch, known for advocating for black women in heavy metal. She was featured in the book "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? A Black Woman's Life and Liberation in Heavy Metal", by Laina Dawes. The book "investigates how black women musicians and fans navigate the metal, hardcore, and punk music genres that are regularly thought of as inclusive spaces and centered on a community spirit, but fail to block out the race and gender issues that exist in the outside world."”

[sleepychinitaprincess]

20240427

Interlinked

baii legit na ato sauna. kanang murag naay connection ba nga out of nowhere makafeel kog naa siyay ginabuhat. every time momata ko sauna nya ig magcheck kos notifs kay iya message bag o pa nasend. if naa koy gabuhaton tas mana nya ayha pa dayn siya mochat balik. or what if naghuwata rajud tos ako? pero di bai kadumdum ko nimata kog kadlawn ato nagmanyanita mi nya nichat kog good morning, nakareply man kaha kay gi ayo daw niyag park iya motor. makafeel jud kog naay something wrong sad like what's going on nga layo man kay ta nganong magkaconnection man lugar?

pero bai di sad ta makaingon kay basin diay delulu ra ko. time is the ultimate truth teller. if in the future maka-agree kos ginapangsulti nako ron, diha tingali medj naa koy point. basin diay in the future, pangkataw an ra nako ning gipangsuwat or sulti nako ron. #delulu

I don't feel beautiful

laina oy. makamahay. di mani gapanghawa akong mga bugas ah mura mag ginasabotage ko permi. gubot pa jud kayng ako hair di gakamao. ako ngipon pa jud kay naa pay gap sa tunga, nakwaan pa jud gamay ang kilid, wa pa jud nabalance. baii, biggest insecurity jud nako akong mga pimples nga di gakawala, sauna ra man nako ni ginadala ah, makamahay na kayo mabuhi ingani permi. gagara pa jud ning discoloration nya akong pagkatambok tas di pa jud ko kahibaw sa akong angle, dako or awkward jud ko tanawn permi sa pictures.

i just want an even skin tone face nya healthy skin tas nice slim body pud.

Validation

maybe I wrote this because it's for my sanity. I need this validation. for my own sake. this is not for others to read or for him to read kay basin makaingon siya nga nasobraan ko kadelulu. sometimes man gud, thinking nga "he doesn't care", "nana siyay other girl" and "I was never someone he treasured" is not enough pa gihapon. so, maybe this validation will help me move forward and have a positive outlook for the future.

it's been like 2 months na since our last interaction and I think that's enough to confirm that he doesn't value me as much as I do for him. it's enough to think that he gave up on communicating with me, and maybe now, he already forgot about me or he isn't thinking about me that much. it might be so unfair for me, but in the end, I just have to accept that I can't force him to keep on choosing me and that it happens... sometimes people just don't reciprocate what we give them and that's okay because sometimes pud kay we, ourselves, can't reciprocate what others can give us. sadly, it happens. life is truly painful and a little unfair.

he doesn't know this but...

every time I don't give him another message, I almost do

every time I don't stalk him online, I almost do

every time I don't open my ML to check up on him, I almost do

every time I don't post something publicly about him, I almost do

(inspired by Taylor Swift's "I almost do")

so, enough for that, here's the validation part na jud...

1. I'd like to think na he really cared and was genuine talking to me in those times.

2. I'd like to think na he's always thinking of me everyday, of all the "what ifs" for the both of us.

3. I'd like to think that he'd never forget me. even when years would pass by, he may not be thinking so much about me, but at random times, thoughts about me would suddenly pop up in his mind and he'd wonder about me, curious how my life turned out to be at the moment.

4. I'd like to think that he was really curious and interested in me.

5. I'd like to think that when he looks back in his life, and his experiences about the pandemic was brought up, I hope I'm part of it and he immediately thinks of me.

6. I'd like to think that when he thinks of online love, though I know he had one before me and they even became official, but I hope it's me that comes to mind.

7. I'd like to think that when he's asked about his regrets in life, I hope he thinks that treating me like that and losing me were one of his regrets.

8. I'd like to think that maybe, sometimes, when he's alone, zoning out and thinking deeply, I hope he sees me and silently longs for me.

9. I'd like to think that there are times when he'd long for my attention and presence.

10. I'd like to think that when he's playing ML, he checks when I'm online, thinks about playing with me a lot, and hoping for a time when we'd play again

When I die...

last april 24, 2024 ba, galain jud akong ginhawa ato nya wa na nako nasuwat dri akong mga rants and everything kay gikapoy na jud kay kos tanan nga kaggive-upon na jud ko. nadugangan pa jud akong kastress kay bagsak kos quiz sa audit tas nagkamali kos quiz namo sa mandarin. it's a bad day jud morning pa lang. anyways, ato morning lage, randomly, nakahunahuna ko ba nga if mamatay man galing ko, he'll never really know how much I wanted him so bad. if he only knew and if he could only read everything I wrote for him, he'd be astounded sa kadaghan unsaid thoughts, unsaid feelings, unsaid everything.

while gapaminaw kos klase namo sa mandarin, kay galatagaw jud ako utok pero dala suwat suwat daw to pa-as if nakasabot. ako unta isulat akong mga gipanghunahuna ato after class namo pero gikapoy jud kog ayo ato maong nalimtan nako.

if ever man mawala na kos world, nya naay makakita aning akong mga cringe worthy notes and all, di lang jud unta niya isend or ireach out ditso ning tao nga akong ginapasabot ani. however, if ever man mangita sa ako ning tao nga gina-address nako mostly (daghan kay iya ngalan dri, nakabold halosa), I'd want him to read everything. kung kinsa may makakita ani or in charge sa paghold sa akong mga accounts, please ko pakiturn over na lang sa tao nga akong mostly gina-address ani nga mga notes ug posts. ihatag tanan niya. laras pati ako fb account with messenger, twitter account nga duha kabuok pati ang dump account, tiktok account, tumblr account, pati ako private notes. yes oo naa koy private notes nga dapat pangitaan ug paagig pangita kay sayang if manatili ra nang private nga wa siya nakabalo sa all. kanang sa other accounts diay, mura ra kog lowkey, private person ana pero awa nang mga only me nga posts, private vids ug close friends, halosa ana tanan si kuan ang gina-address. naa pa diay koy poems, letters and notes niya nga naa sa laptop, ayaw kalimte.

pero of course di pako mamatay ha. daghan pa kaykog pangarap jud. gisuwat lang nako na kay wa ta kahibaws panahon and if will jud ni Lord nga makabalo 'to nga tao sa tanan nako gipanuwat about niya then oks rako nga makabalo siya bahalag ang uban ato kay very harsh kay nasakitan jud kayko ay. if di siya kasabot, edi wow. di lang jud unta ihatag or ipangsend ni randomly kay ulaw na kaayo, nauwawan na gani ko niagi, mauwawan na pud ko if taka taka lang ug reach out niya nya wa na siya kadumdum nako. ayaw jud isend if wa ko pangitaa pls lang huhu.

[writingbyrobertbarry]

Spoke to Sue Lynch, Adrian Northover and Anna Homler about their new project, Minaru, in the latest edition of The Wire.

[kickmag]

Ice-T's Body Count Gets First Book

Ben Apatoff has written the first book about Ice-T's heavy metal band Body Count. The book is part of the Bloomsbury 33 1/3 series that has published several titles chronicling noteworthy albums from pop artists across genres. Ice-T introduced his all-Black hardcore band in 1991 on his O.G. Original Gangster album and they performed at the first ever Lollapalooza that summer. Their debut album included the incendiary "Cop Killer" which was criticized by President George H.W. Bush and Vice-President Dan Quayle. Police organizations called for the boycott of Time Warner and Ice-T had the song removed from the album because he felt that the outrage had overshadowed the music. 

Apatoff tells the story of a bunch of high school friends who got together and reclaimed rock and roll to tell stories from a Black perspective that was rarely if ever presented in mainstream media. The author conducted interviews with Ice-T, Ernie C, Sean E. Sean, Vincent Price, Ill Will, Juan of the Dead, Jello Biafra, Bobby Brooks, Max Cavalera, Dan Charnas, Doc Coyle, Heidi Siegmund Cuda, Chuck D, Laina Dawes, Ron DeLord, Corey Glover, Dave Halili, David Harleston, Gibby Haynes, Gary Holt, Howie Klein, Chris “Hot Rod” Long, Matt Mahurin, Bernard Matthews, Duff McKagan, Bob Merlis, Angelo Moore, Darlene Ortiz, Phyllis Pollack, Will Putney, Vernon Reid, Henry Rollins, Troy Staton, Steve Stewart, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ulrich Wild, Juan Williams, Mark Zonder and more.  Body Count will be released on September 7, 2023. 

[m3t4ln3rd]

Backbeat Books to release Metallica: The $24.95 Book by Ben Apatoff

Official press release: With more than 125 million records sold worldwide, Metallica is the biggest metal band of all time. Four decades into their unparalleled career, Metallica is a massive cultural force who drastically changed the sound of popular music by creating their own rules. Yet for all their popularity, Metallica can seem impenetrable, raising more questions and inspiring more…

[ghnosis]

Ghost dissertation bibliography as of 30 May 2024

hey! some of you were curious to read things I'm working on/my bib. my comprehensive exam is 18th June, so these aren't like, FINAL final (in terms of citation formatting), but they're pretty darn close.

I'll probably paste the contextual review document I've been writing for 2 years as well - it's awaiting final say-so from my supervisors right now.

ALDERSLADE, Merlin. 2019. 'How Ghost became the face of the new generation of heavy metal.’ Metal Hammer. May 29 [online] Available at: https://www.loudersound.com/features/how-ghost-became-the-face-of-the-new-generation-of-heavy-metal 

ANZALDÚA, Gloria. 2021. Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza.  (The Critical Edition, edited by Ricard F. Vivancos-Pérez and Normal Elia Cantú) San Francisco: Aunt Lute Books. 

ANZALDÚA, Gloria. 1991. 'To(o) Queer the Writer – Loca, escritora y chicana.’ In WARLAND, Betsy (ed.). Inversions: Writing by Dykes, Queers, and Lesbians. Vancouver: Press Gang Publishers, 249-264. 

ARROW, V. 2013 ‘Real person(a) fiction’. In JAMIESON, A.(ed.). Fic: Why Fanfiction Is Taking Over the World. Dallas: Smart Pop, 323–32.  

BAKHTIN, Mikhail. 1984. Rabelais and His World. Bloomington: Indiana University Press. 

BARNARD, Ian. 1997. ‘Gloria Anzaldúa’s Queer Mestisaje.’ MELUS. Spring 22(1), 35-53. 

BENNETT, J. 2013. 'Receive the Beast’. Decibel. Issue 100/February, 75-84. 

BENSHOFF, Harry M. 2015. 'The Monster and the Homosexual.' In GRANT, Barry Keith, The Dread of Difference: Gender and the Horror Film. Austin: University of Texas Press, 16-41. 

BIELAK, Zbigniew M. ‘Prequelle.’ [album art] 

BUSSE, Kristina. 2006. ‘My life is a WIP on my LJ: Slashing the slasher and the reality of celebrity and Internet performances.’ In HELLEKSON, Karen and BUSSE, Kristina (eds.). Fan Fiction and Fan Communities in the Age of the Internet: New Essays. Jefferson: McFarland and Company, 207-224. 

BUSSE, Kristina. 2005. ‘Digital Get Down: Postmodern Boy Band Slash and the Queer Female Space.’ In MALCOLM, Cheryl Alexander and NYMAN, Jopi, eros.usa: essays on the culture and literature of desire. Gdańsk: Gdańsk University Press, 103-125. 

BUTLER, Judith. 1990. Gender Trouble. New York: Routledge. 

CHANEY, Keidra and LIEBLER, Raizel. 2006. ‘Me, myself and I: Fan fiction and the art of self-insertion' Bitch. 31, 52-57. 

CHARMAZ, Kathy. 2006. Constructing Grounded Theory: A Practical Guide Through Qualitative Analysis. (2011 reprint) London: SAGE Publications. 

CIXOUS, Hélène. 1976. ‘The Laugh of the Medusa’. Signs. 1(4), 875-893.  

CLIFFORD-NAPOLEONE, Amanda. 2015. 'Living in the margins: Metal’s self-in-reflection.’ Metal Music Studies. 1(3), 379-384. 

CLIFFORD-NAPOLEONE, Amanda. 2015. Queerness in Heavy Metal Music: Metal Bent. New York: Routledge. 

COHEN, Cathy J. 1997. 'Punks, Bulldaggers and Welfare Queens: The Radical Potential of Queer Politics?’ GLQ. 3, 437-465. 

DAWES, Laina. 2013. What Are You Doing Here? A Black Woman’s Life and Liberation in Heavy Metal. Brooklyn: Bazillion Points. 

DAWES Laina. 2015. ‘Challenging an "Imagined Community:” Discussions (or lack thereof) of black and queer experiences within heavy metal culture. Metal Music Studies. 1(3), 385-393. 

DERECHO, Abigail. 'Archontic Literature: A Definition, a History, and Several Theories of Fan Fiction’. In HELLEKSON, Karen and BUSSE, Kristina (eds.). Fan Fiction and Fan Communities in the Age of the Internet: New Essays. Jefferson: McFarland and Company, 61-78. 

DORAN, John. 2012. ‘Mass is in Session.’ Metal Hammer UK. April 2012, 38-47. 

DRISCOLL, Catherine. ‘One True Pairing: the Romance of Pornography and the Pornography of Romance.’ In HELLEKSON, Karen and BUSSE, Kristina (eds.). Fan Fiction and Fan Communities in the Age of the Internet: New Essays. Jefferson: McFarland and Company, 79-96. 

EHRENREICH, Barbara, HESS, Elizabeth, and JACOBS, Gloria. 1992. ‘Beatlemania: Girls Just Want to Have Fun.’ In LEWIS, Lisa A. (ed.). The Adoring Audience: Fan Culture and Popular Media. London: Routledge, 84-106. 

FABBRI, Franco. ‘A Theory of Musical Genres: Two Applications.’ 

FAST, Susan. 1999. ‘Rethinking Issues of Gender and Sexuality in Led Zeppelin: A Woman’s View of Pleasure and Power in Hard Rock’. American Music. Fall 1999, 17(3), 245-299. 

FAUSTO-STERLING, Anne. 1993. ‘The Five Sexes: Why Male and Female are Not Enough’. The Sciences. March/April 1993, 20-25. 

FAXNELD, Per. 2017. Satanic Feminism: Lucifer as the Liberator of Woman in Nineteenth-Century Culture. Oxford: Oxford University Press. 

FIESLER, Casey, MORRISON, Shannon, and BRUCKMAN, Amy S. 2016. ‘An Archive of Their Own: A Case Study of Feminist HCI and Values in Design.’ CHI ‘16 Proceedings of the ACM Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems. 

FIESLER, Casey. 2019. ‘Ethical Considerations for Research Involving (Speculative) Public Data’. Proc. ACM Hum-Comput. Interact. 3, GROUP, Article 249 (December 2019), 249-249:13. 

FRITH, Simon. 1996. Performing Rites: on the Value of Popular Music. Oxford: Oxford University Press. 

FRITH, Simon, and MCROBBIE, Angela. 1990. 'Rock and Sexuality’. In FRITH, Simon and GOODWIN, Andrew (eds.). On Record: Rock, Pop and the Written Word. London: Routledge, 317-332. 

GARLAND-THOMSON, Rosemarie. 2002. ‘Integrating Disability, Transforming Feminist Theory’. NWSA Journal. Fall 2002, 14(3), 1-32. 

GHOST. 2012. ‘Children! In the wait for some news from the ghoul front, devour some graphics that we applaud here within the ministry...’ October 30, 2012 [Facebook post]. Available at: https://www.facebook.com/thebandghost/posts/297668790339417 

GHOST. 2019. ‘Chapter Seven: New World Redro’. June 13 2019 [YouTube video] Available at: https://www.tumblr.com/ryuzatodraws-archive/672367379880312832/i-remembered-the-jesus-showing-off-his-top?source=share [accessed 30 May 2024] 

GHOST-BAND-AIDS. 2020. ‘Interview with GHOST and TRIBULATION.’ [Tumblr post] Translated from DELASTIK, Anja. 2020. ‘Schlagabtaush: Ghost vs. Tribulation.’ Metal Hammer Germany. March 2020. Available at: https://www.tumblr.com/ghost-band-aids/190811297796/interview-with-ghost-and-tribulation  https://www.metal-hammer.de/schlagabtausch-ghost-vs-tribulation-1424295/ 

GREEN, Shoshanna, JENKINS, Cynthia, and JENKINS, Henry. 1998. ‘Normal Female Interest in Men Bonking: Selections from The Terra Nostra Underground and Strange Bedfellows’. In HARRIS, Cheryl and ALEXANDER, Alison (eds.). Theorizing Fandom: Fans, Subculture, and Identity. Cresskill: Hampton Press. 

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[losterthanlost]

July 18, 2023

Hello.

wala ko nadayon og lakaw kay naminaw ko og istj na album and nag cellphone cellphone and natulog kagabii. nakamata sad ko og sayo ganina mga 3 pa lang ata to, pero kay madungog pa nako na naa si mama so naglangay na sad ko. hahays. Andd nag decide na dili na lang sa ko mubiyahe karon. wala pa man sad nako nahipos akong mga gamit gikan sa sala.

~

so right now diay kay lain na sad akong paminaw. kanang murag mao ni tong akong nasearch sa google na taas daw akong blood sugar. sabagay namahaw man ko ganina. tas natulog pa jud ko. grabe medyo sad ko magtan-aw sa akong nawong sa samin. kay naa na koy double chin. samok lagi kaayo tan-awon. or cguro dili double chin. basta obvious na tambok sa ilalom sa akong lower jaw. maski dili ko i-atras akong chin kay makita na siya na mas baba pa sa akoang chin. huhu. plus dugang pa ning bad nako na spine-neck posture. hahays...

naa pa kaya ko pag-asa mag-improve? naa pa man cguro.

-

feeling ko bitter ra kaayo ko ay. OR lain lang jud og batasana akong mama ug papa. labaw na si mama. pero lain sad si papa oy. mga judger kaayo. laingmag-isip sa ubang tao. lain sila na tao jud. decent lang guro. pero ang isip, grabe. si papa gani murag bogo ang iyang tan-aw kay ante nalyn tungod lang kay gwapa siya. judger kaayo. lain jud sila na tao.

tapos tung gibring up na sad nako ang about lagi sa tung nalagotan nako kay mama na wala niya giingon sa akoa ang buong plano niya sa bakasyon namo sa surigao. after sa akong rant kay tubag dayon siya na nagets na daw niya. oo nagets na niya. dili na daw ko niya ubanon sa surigao sunod. BWISIT JUD! DEPOTA JUD SIYA NA BABAE YAWA GRRR!

Dili jud kana ang point. as in dili jud! tapos giingon jud nako eh na dili kato ang point. tapos magtawa sila. ana si papa na ginajoke ra daw ko. ginalambing ra daw ko sa akong mama. depota. disrespect man gud to noh. like gusto jud niya na magtuyok-tuyok among istoryahay ba. bwisit jud. murag katatlo yata ko niya gitubag og pa-ingato. bwisit jud. as in. si papa sad murag gisumay-sumay. ako gud siya gitubag dayon na "ayaw ko og inganaa ba wala baya tika ginaingana" with turo sa kamot. dili na nako mahinumuman ang full details and sequence.

grabe laina jud nila oy. lain jud sila ba. nganong ingana man sila uy. lain jud sila kaayo. feeling ko gani tungod sad ni sa akong way sa pag-istorya na medyo pabebe. karang murag maglisod og istorya. depota jud. cge tarungon nako akong wauy sa pag-istorya sad. akoang speaking voice og enunciation. sheesh. grabe.

as innnn lain jud sila ba. dili na jud na ma-excuse gamit ilang childhoods. lain lang jud sila og batasan. si mama bwisit kaayo. ana pa siya tung isang adlaw, before tung lalis na naa si papa. ana siya na ingani daw ko kay ana daw na basta introvert. gago. gitubag ra sad nako na dili siya magpatuo-tuo sa mga ingana. need lang ko niya serysohon aron dili mi maglalis. lain jud siya na tao as in. kapila na ko matempt mag-ingon na bogo sila pero dili man pud gud tinuod. dili sila bogo kay kung bogo sila dili unta sila kaabot ani na point karon. wala lang jud sila respeto sa akoa porket anak ra ko. maski isipon na lang nila ba na 22 na ko. 20+ na ko. dako na ko. college na ko. ako na man gani dagan sa sarili nako na documento. bwisit jud. insulto kaayo. feeling nila kataw-anan akoang pagreklamo. dili nila masense na kung dili lang nako sila parents basi dugay na nako gipangbuak ning mga baso sa ilahang atubangan.

hahays.

kapoy oy. bitter na ko kaayo oy. naluoy na ko sa akong sarili. sad na kaayo ko tan-awon. grabe ang bitterness noh? maapektuhan jud ang akoang complexion ug health. akoang eyebags gud, naa na koy murag wrinkles huhu. ambot medyo reversable pa man cguro ni. ambot lang jud. basta goal nako this august kay magbawas ko sa sugar, ug fats. mag cge lang ko og gulay guro ani. pero ambot unsaon nako pag-implement. hmmm... maski maniguro ra ko og luto sa sarili nakong pagkaon basta gulay. mapangitaan ra nako na og way.

unta patawaron pa ko sa dost uy. hahays. para naa koy money.

[heckyeahgnawa]

Black Rockers United’s all about synergy + supporting women in rock scenes! This previews Rock-Her Roundtable #2 w/ a stellar panel: Kim Gill, Madame St. Beatrice, Meredith Bell of Palaceburn, Samantha Hollins (GhettoSongBird) and Laina Dawes! 🤘🏾🌟Join #BRU! Please boost all of us! You can view via FB and YouTube. @blackwomeninrock

[deathmetalvomitparty]

Repugnant @ Maryland Deathfest 

Photos by Laina Dawes