#Life has been hectic and I have been very tired

[snarkxindustries]

Ooc

I'm genuinely surprised I remembered my password for this blog

[jjkilll]

-—✫UNTIL THE END OF TIME | JJK✫—-

warning: this is completely fictional. this story details personal injuries infilicted upon a main charater. reader discretion is advised. please read all warnings before proceeding. 18+

— pairing | ex-fiancé/idol jungkook x y/n

— summary | six months after you two broke up, you realized life's too short to not hold each other until the end of time.

—  warning | personal injury (car accident), mentions of blood and surgery, a coma brought on by personal injury, mentions and the planning of marriage, pwp (big time), smut, reader giving jk a handjob, cum eating(?), spit(?), ass slapping (jk can't control himself)

— word count | 3.9K

— song | until the end of time - justin timberlake (this is gonna ruin the tour)

— a/n: flashback in bold, enjoy!!

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

your phone rings waking you quickly. you at up answering your phone. “i’m sorry to wake you, is this y/n l/n?” a man asks through the phone. “yes, is there something wrong?” you ask eyes barely open.

“unfortunately, yes. i’m dr. hill, your fiancée has been in an accident. will you come down and provide some extra information for me?” he asks sincerely.

“what?! is he okay? is he awake?” you sit up. “um, i think it’s best if i share this news in person.” your heart drops.

you stand quickly throwing on some clothes. “i’m coming. i’m on the way.”

you and jungkook had been broken up for six months. you broke off your engagement. he really didn’t want you to go.

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

you asked him to go with you to ask your friend to be in your wedding. you planned a lunch and jungkook never showed. you watched the clock tick and the time pass and nothing but radio silence. you tuck the handwritten letters back into your bag.

you got home and jungkook was passed out on the couch. you woke him, “hey go get in bed.” he stands barely awake, and walks into the bedroom flopping down onto your bed.

you walk past him into the bathroom. “where were you?” he mumbles. “lunch with my friends.” you say simply, taking the pins out of your hair.

“until 7 pm on a thursday? what for?” he asks. you sigh continuing to take your hair down from its high ponytail style. you don’t say anything until he groans lifting himself on the bed walking over to the bathroom door and standing in the frame. “what's wrong?” he asks you cluelessly which angers you. “nothing.” you say very monotone.

“you’re mad. why are you mad?” you don’t say anything and continue looking at yourself in the mirror. “i’m not.” you say simply. “ you aren’t even looking at me.” he grabs at your waist and you pull away. “stop.” you say moving away. “can you just tell me what’s wrong? i’m too tired for this shit.” he spits and that’s your final straw. you we so upset with him, that you didn't say anything at first trying to make sure you didn't say anything you didn't mean.

“today was the day we were supposed to ask my friends to be in the wedding and you didn’t even show. i sat there like a dumbass checking the clock hoping you’d show up. you didn’t. you didn’t even call. so yea, it’s very fucking clear that you’re too tired for this shit.” you motion back and forth between the two of you.

“you know damn well that’s not what i meant. i’m sorry babe, things just got so hectic today,” he explains.

“then a text would have eased my mind,” you spoke.

“i was busy, baby. what do you want me to say? you know what i do prepping for a comeback isn't easy.”

“whatever jungkook.” you dismiss him not trying to get more upset.

“did they all say yes?” he asked sitting on the edge of the tub. “i didn’t give them the letters.” you say simply. “why not?” he asks. “because i need more time.” he raises his brow. “for?” he presses.

“to think. see if this is something i even need to do.” you spit.

“what does that mean?” he asks standing up beside you. “jungkook, you haven’t put your input in. you haven’t seen the venue. you don’t care about the colors and you can’t even show up to a fucking lunch. yes, i know how hard it is to prep for a comeback, but planning a wedding by yourself is bullshit. we haven’t had sex in four weeks. you don’t want this relationship as bad as i do.” you explained.

“i want you more than anything.” he says. “then you’d make time! you'd act like it! i don’t ask for weekly dinners, and i don’t complain when you get home at 3 am and leave at 6 am. but, this is different. this is our marriage. i can’t help but think this is what our marriage will be. i’ll just keep waiting on you to find a balance for this shit, the whole world gets everything you got and i just get your last name. i sit at home and watch you create a life without me. that’s why i need to think jungkook.” you finally turn and look at him.

your eyes brimming with tears. “baby, i’ll figure it out i promise. it won’t be like this forever.” you shake your head as your tears fall. “you don’t know that. you know know your job is ever changing. i love you, i do, and i know how much your job means to you. i would never ask you to choose me over your job, but i make time for you even in my schedule. i’m a personal assistant for an idol. I’m gone just as much as you are.” you explain tears choking you up. he pulls you close and you sob in his arms. “what's wrong with me? why can't you make time for me?”

you take a deep breath, “i can’t do this anymore.” you realize he’s crying too. “don’t say that. please don’t say that.” he begs. “i’m sorry jungkook.” you back away from him. you hate how quick he is to let you go. you twist the beautiful ring jungkook gave you months ago, off your finger. you place the ring in his palm. “please,” he looks down at you. “i’m sorry.” you say walking back into your bedroom. you walk into your closet grab clothes and shove them into a duffle. “you don’t have to go tonight. just stay.” he pleads.

“i’m sorry, baby, please. please don't leave.” he cries. you move faster sobbing, you hated hearing him cry. your chest is heavy, as you cry so hard it’s hard to breathe. he walks into the closet and hugs you tight. “please don’t leave me. i don’t want to be alone tonight. please if you want to leave i have to be okay with letting you go, but i want you, i need you to know that I'm not giving up on us. just one more night. stay with me one more night, let me know you're not giving up on me.” you cry. you want to fall apart. “okay.” you say. he hugs you and doesn’t let go. he holds you so tight and so sure. his hands are shaking as he pulls you in. you get this feeling in your gut, you need space and so does he. one night only.

he finally lets go and holds your hand. you strip yourselves of your clothes and lay in bed holding each other, both of you praying this wasn’t the last time you'd hold each other so close.

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

you arrive at the hospital. “jeon jungkook.” you speak to the front desk clerk. “relationship?” she asks. “umm, he’s my-my fiance.” she types quickly as you flash your id. “room 613,” she says.

you speed to the elevator taking it up to the sixth four. you look around the floor and run up to the door. you look through the small cut-out of glass. he’s just lying there, an oxygen mask on his face. tears start to pour from your eyes.

“oh my god” you back up starting to panic. “ma’am?” a doctor calls. you turn. “i’m doctor hill. are you his fiancee?” you nod. “yes, please tell me what happened.” you beg. “unfortunately, he was on the expressway southbound, and it seems that he lost control of his motorcycle, he ran into the back of a semi. he’s helmet saved him from any brain damage, but he is having a hard time breathing on his own as he’s punctured his left lung. he hasn’t woken up since we put him under anesthesia, the surgery was a success.” he explains looking at the file in his hands.

“he’s in a coma?” you ask. he nods sincerely. “he is alive and stable, but we aren’t sure when he will come out the the coma, it could be days, maybe months.” you began to sob. “i’m so sorry.” your soul is fading, it was hard to believe. you walk back up to the glass. you stare at him and curse yourself for ever leaving his side. you open the door and walk up to him. you just look at him, and tears fall. he has a black eye and some stitches about his eyebrow.

“i’m so sorry, baby.” you sob quietly. you hold his hand and sob harder when he doesn’t do the double squeeze he’d usually do. you kiss his cheek. “i’m not going anywhere. i’ll be right here i promise.” walk to the other side lay down your purse in the chair and push it to his bedside. you sit laying your head beside him. you gripped his hand and held it tightly.

you didn’t realize that you had fallen asleep until a nurse awakes you. “i’m sorry, here’s his belongings.” she hands you a clear bag with jungkook’s stuff inside. grab the back sitting up and opening it. his jacket was covered in blood, which made your eyes brim. his wallet you noticed something poking out of it. you pulled out a small polaroid of you and him on your first date. you wore disguises and went to six flags. you’d ask another couple to take the photo after you got off the batman ride. you smile reminiscing about how much fun you both had that day.

at the bottom of the bag is a chain with a ring on it, your ring. it was covered in blood as well. you sob, the nurse turns after checking on jungkook. “i’m so sorry ma’am. is there anything i can do for you. are you hungry? coffee?” you shake your head thanking her anyway before she leaves.

you undo the chain sliding your ring off. you hold it up walking over to the sink, washing and drying it, your tears still falling. you slide the ring onto your finger, holding it close to your chest. you walk over to your chair sitting and laying next to him again. “please wake up. please.” you beg.

you wish you never left his side. this was your fault, you thought to yourself. somehow, some way you had a feeling you could've stopped this.

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

it had been three weeks since the accident. you were at the hospital every day since. you called your mom to pack a bag for you with everything you needed. your boss a friend of jungkook’s understood, telling you to take how long it took for jungkook to get better.

“good morning aundra.” you speak to the nurse you have grown closer with since being there. “morning darling!” she says cutely. “i’m happy to see you in a better mood today.” she speaks. “yea dr. hill says jungkook can breathe on his own. he’s getting stronger.” you explain. “i know. you’ve got a trooper on your hands for sure.” she smiles.

a few hours later you’re on facetime with the boys telling them how much jungkook has been progressing since they saw him the first time. they sigh a sigh of relief. “he’s so strong guy. we know he’ll be back and kicking as soon as he wakes up. you nod, telling them you were going to try to sleep before the next nurse came to check on him telling them you’d talk to them later.

you lay your head on his lap looking at him. “my pretty boy. you’re so strong. you know i never understood this part of you. you take on so much and come back so strong. you are otherworldly, baby.” you kiss his hand and stand going to nap on the bench across the room. you lay down slowly drifting to sleep.

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

you wake to some talking. “how long has she been here?” you hear a low familiar voice. “3 weeks. every day since the accident. this is the longest she’s slept.” you hear a female voice. you turn your eyes fluttering open. you see jungkook sitting up stuffing his mouth with food.

“jungkook!” you scream running over to him hugging him tightly and he groans. “oh im sorry! you’re just you’re awake. my god youre awake. i’m so fucking happy youre okay. jesus please you scared me half to death.” you hug him sobbing. he hold you tight. he swallows his mouthful of food. “hi baby, im sorry im just so hungry.” you giggle looking at him and pecking his lips.

“you were here this whole time?” he asks. you nod. “everyday, 24/7.” you smile. “thank you. i love you.” he looks at you pecking your lips again. he hold both your hands feeling your ring on your finger his eyes shoot down. “you put your ring back on?” you hum. “yeah… i did. i should’ve never taken it off.” he smiles.

“where were you even going?” you ask him, now you must know. he bites his sandwich and swallows before speaking, “your house. i had taken two weeks off of work, i wanted to show you i was serious. i talked to my manager, and he told me, that if i start doubling down every other day it’d speed things up for us, meaning more free time. more time for us.” you smile at him your eyes spilling with tears. he was on his way to you. you were happy he was thinking of you just as much as you were thinking of him. unfortunately, though you can't help but feel like this was your fault. you shake the thought as he grabs your hand, you interlock fingers.

“i love you so fucking much. so so fucking much jungkook.” he kisses your cheek. “i love you more baby.” he says biting his sandwich. “i heard hospital food sucks, and this could just be because i haven’t eaten in three weeks, but this sandwich is fucking amazing.” you giggle.

“oh i have to call the boys.” you speak wiping away your tears. “i talked to them earlier.” jungkook says. “how long have you been up?” you ask raising your brow. “45 minutes or so, i just didn't want to wake you. the nurse said you had barely been sleeping,” he said.

“duh! my fiancé was unconscious in a hospital bed. if someone sleeps peacefully during that, lock them up and throw away the key.” you state. he chuckles lightly.

“i like when you call me that. it feels good to hear that again.”

“what fiancé?” you ask. he nodded cutely.

“so what are the colors?” he asks all of a sudden. “colors of what?” you ask. “for the wedding. what were you thinking?” you smile and sit beside him. you quickly pull up your pinterest board showing him all your ideas. he didn’t show it but knowing you kept them, comforted him.

“white arch? it’ll clash with your dress.” he points out. “oh. oh my god, you're right! we could do green, maybe like ivy leaves?” you suggest. “i think that’ll be immaculate with my grey suit, too. yea, it’ll look amazing.” he adds.

“you already did so good without me baby.” he says. “but it’s clear that i need you. i would’ve been crying for days about that fucking arch.” he chuckles. “i’m still so stuck on flowers.” you pout. “well dr. hill says i have six weeks to recover before i can’t start schedules again. we have time.” he says. you kiss his cheek fluffing his hair.

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

for the first time in six months, you walk into your shared apartment. your pictures still hanging on the wall, everything exactly where you left it.

you lay in bed next to him. he wraps his arm around you pulling you in. he kisses the top of your head. “the bed was so cold without you.” he whispers. “i’m never going anywhere ever again.” you peck his lips.

“i need you. i haven’t gotten a good rest in ages, my sleep paralysis started to act up again. just laying in the hospital room with you i slept more than i have in the last six months.” you say. “you just make me breathe better.” you express.

he pouts it hurts him to hear how badly you were struggling. “i was suffocating without you. i love my job but coming home to you made me feel like i won the lottery. i didn’t realize how much i had won until i lost it. i will not fuck it up this time. winning the lottery once is just luck, but twice is a sign.” you giggle rubbing your nose along his.

“i missed you so much, baby.” he says. “trust me i missed you more.” you reply. “impossible.” he whispers before kissing you deeply. you hum into the kiss, the way he kissed you makes your body tingle. you nervously bury your face into his chest. “you are so cute, why so shy? it’s just me.” he smiles. “you just got that effect on me. you make me feel like a teenager, kicking my feet and daydreaming and shit.” you mumble into his chest, he giggles brightly.

“kiss me again,” you say looking up at him. he obeys quickly kissing your lips. jungkook never found the idea of sucking someone’s tongue until he met you. the way you kiss him had a tent quickly growing in his pants.

he hums. “i’m so hard for you right now.” he states pecking your lips. you lightly push him away tutting. “no physical activity for you sir. dr. hill told me it’s imperative that don’t do anything that requires too much physical activity, for your lungs. so no sex right now.” you explain. “what?! come on. i haven’t felt you in months. now i have to wait even longer?” you nod and he groans throwing his head back in frustration. suddenly an idea pops into your head.

“what if…” he hums letting you know he's listening, “ i give you a handjob?” you whisper. “be serious, babe. don’t tease me.” he whines in his last sentence.

you giggle sliding your hands down his sweats. you stroke him slowly. you quickly look up at his licking your fingers before swirling them on his tip. “oh shit. that feels good.” you continue stroking him at a steady pace. “fuck” he mutters. “i wasn’t trying to cum this soon.” he chuckles nervously. “it’s okay baby. give me your cum. i want it so bad” you say teasingly.

he moans biting his lip. you stroke him faster, “just like like that, ohh shit.” you groan. you stroke him just how he likes. he kisses you deeply as you stroke him. “you are so fucking hot.” he whispers. you kiss him again lightly tugging on his bottom lip. “i’m cumming.” he mumbles moaning as he shoots his thick load onto your hand and in his pants. you slide your hand out covered in him. you look at him licking his cum off your knuckles. he looks at you in awe. “mm” you hum lightly flashing him a smile.

“i just want pick you up and fuck you.” you giggle at his bluntness. “jungkook.” you laugh. “what? the way you were just looking at me when you licked your fingers, you know if i was in full health right now i would be fucking you so good.” you smile pecking his slips. “one week.” you said simply. “that’s how long dr. hill said.” you explain. he looks at you, “you think it’s possible to sleep for a week?” you pinch his nose with your fingers. “yea you were sleep for three. no more sleeping for you sir.” he giggles.

“let’s shower.” you say patting his cheek. “oh definitely, you just made me cum in my pants.” he starts to move but you stop him.

“i’m sorry.” you say for the millionth time. “for what?” he questions. “for not believing in you when you said you'd figure it you. i should’ve,” you say simply. you hold back the tears that are making your throat close up.

“look, i know things were difficult, but i knew that night when you stayed, you weren’t giving up on me. on us,” he corrects. “ you stayed by my side for three weeks. you brushed my hair, you talked to me, you gave me a sponge bath. you always believed in me. this accident was not your fault, i need to understand that.” you pout your eyes threatening to spill.

“nuh-uh, no more tears. it’s only up from here, my love.” you hold his close. his thumb wipes away your tears that fall. “now let’s get in the shower.” he pats your butt before moving and standing up quickly. he groans leaning back onto the bed. “woah, take it easy, baby.” he huffs. “i’m not used to be this slow.” he chuckles.

“in all due time. trust me next week you’ll feel much better,” you explain. he nods as you help him stand. “i got you, babe.” he groans standing. you walk into the bathroom and he leans against the sink. you help him take off his shirt as his shoulder is in pain. “you’d look so hot in scrubs.” he says admiring you as you help him.

“oh hush.” you giggle. you help him take of his pants, his semi hard cock spring out. you look up at him. “what?” he whines. “you’re still hard?” you tease. “yes! i just thought about how you look naked.” he spoke. you laugh. you lift your shirt off and undo your bra and your tits bounce out.

“see? and you expect me not to be hard right now?” you giggle turning around and turning the shower on. “okay you first.” he steps in letting the hot water hit his skin. “hurry up.” he rushes you. “have some patience,” you say raising your brown jokingly. you slip off your shorts and step in. your back faces jungkook as you reach for your shampoo, and suddenly a slap hits your ass. you stand quickly. “jungkook.” you warn.

“what? come on. your ass was on full display, it was the urges inside me.” you chuckle. “that wasn’t me, i didn’t want to slap your ass, but the parasites in me wanted to slap your ass.” you laugh loudly. “shut up!” you chide jokingly.

you apply soap onto a washcloth, and start washing his chest. “i wanna get married tomorrow.” he says suddenly. “what?!” you almost yell. you look at him in disbelief. “i don’t even have a dress.” you explain. “then let’s go thrift one. i realized that life is too short, and in this lifetime i need you to be my wife.” you smile, but you don’t say anything. “what if… we get married tomorrow, and we still have a wedding. we can still do it big, when we actually get married it’s just us. me and you like i will be forever.” you suggest. you smile at him. “okay.” you say. “okay like you're just doing it for me or you love the idea?” you chuckle as you realize his small panic. “i love the idea. just me and you.” you say.

“forever,” he adds.

“and ever, until the end of time.” you grin, finally everything feels good. you stand in front of your soon-to-be husband, excited for what the future holds.

——-—-—-—-✫-—--—-—-——

[mistiell]

I'm Starvin', Darlin'

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Summary: Spencer realizes how touch starved he is when you, the newest member of the BAU, develop a habit of casually touching him throughout the day.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Fluff, mutual pining, bit of a misunderstanding towards the end, this hasn't been proofread so I might come back to correct some things later

A/N: So, I have been like, completely MIA for the passed few months, and I apologize for that. Life has been hectic and I haven't had any motivation. However, I'm back now! At least for a little while. This is my first fic for Spencer but I hope to write more for him in the future. There'l definitely be a part two to this sometime in the future, so look out for that.

Part 2

Spencer has never been one for physical affection.

Logically he knows that he needs a certain amount of it to survive, and he doesn’t particularly mind it anymore when Morgan claps him on the back or when he has to shake somebody’s hand. But when he’s pulled in for a hug, there’s this weird sort of anxiety that makes him worry about whether or not he’s holding on too tight or how long he can stay there without making it awkward. He’ll endure it if he thinks a hug would be the best way to comfort someone, but typically, he avoids them altogether.

That was, until you came along.

It was sunny out, and for the first time in a while, the blinds in the bullpen were pulled open to let the sun shine in. Spencer was sitting at his desk, flipping through his mound of paperwork when JJ had led you over to your new desk, right across from his. JJ had caught his attention to introduce you, but the moment he laid eyes on you, whatever she was saying went in one ear and out the other

You had to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. 

“Spence.” JJ’s voice snapped him back into reality and he was suddenly acutely aware of how long he’d been staring.

“Hm?” You’d giggled at his dumbstruck expression and he swore he’d do anything to make you laugh like that again.

JJ stared at him expectantly for a few seconds before rolling her eyes and gesturing to you again, “I said, this is Agent L/n. She’s our newest member.”

“Oh, right, um, I’m Sp-Spencer Reid. Er– Doctor Spencer Reid.” He was halfway through mentally berating himself when you smiled oh so kindly at him, extending your hand.

“Y/n L/n. It’s nice to meet you, doctor.”

“Oh, um, you can just call me Reid.” 

“Right.” You very obviously looked him up and down in a way that made his heart race, “Reid.”

And then you sat down at your desk.

And he had to sit there and pretend he wasn’t utterly and entirely flustered by that tiny, microscopic interaction.

He came to realize about a month into your friendship that you were a touchy person by nature. You’d touch his arm when he made you laugh and sometimes you’d squeeze his shoulder before you sat down next to him at the round table. Six months into your career there and you’d gotten comfortable enough that you’d hug most of them when you showed up for drinks outside of work and playfully pinch Morgan’s arm or side when he got a little too brazen with his flirting. Sometimes you’d bump Spencer’s shoulder to tease him. It took a few times to get used to it, but eventually he started bumping you back.

Actually, he found that the more you touched him, the less he seemed to dislike it. In fact, he finds himself waiting for those casual displays of affection. Every time your skin meets his, he feels warm, revitalized. 

Which is why on one particularly late night, when he’s utterly exhausted and the two of you are the only ones in the office, he feels comfortable enough to do what he’s about to do.

He thinks about it for a long while, never one to do anything like this without properly thinking it through. He’s just so tired and this case was so draining that, as pathetic as he thinks it is, he finds himself wanting to ask for a hug.

He won’t. He’s not that confident yet. But he thinks that maybe there’s another way to get away with touching you in some capacity.

So he rolls his chair over to your desk, attempting to casually plop down next to you so his side is practically pressed against yours. To his surprise, it actually works, though his casual “plop” is more like a rather awkward “slip-and-almost-accidentally-knock-you-over”. But you don’t mind. Instead, you laugh and bump his shoulder a lot more gently than he bumped you.

“Watch it, clumsy.”

“Sorry.” He chuckles, awkwardly clearing his throat, “What are you working on?”

“The mountain of paperwork that’s been accumulating since I got here.” You huff a short, embarrassed puff of laughter as you glance down at a notepad he hadn’t noticed, “That, and doodling.”

“Doodling what?” He asks, though he wonders how much he’s actually going to be able to pay attention when he’s so focused on how warm your thigh and shoulder feel against his.

“Oh, um,” Is he crazy or are you blushing? “It’s embarrassing.”

“I won’t judge.” After a split second of deliberation, he gently shifts his weight into his shoulder to nudge you just a little.

“Promise?” You smile shyly and he can’t help but smile back.

“Promise.”

There’s a second where you hesitate before sliding the pad over for him to see. He uses his middle and index finger to drag it over a little more and what he’s met with makes his cheeks warm and his heart flutter about in his chest.

It’s him. 

You’ve drawn him at just about every angle, and in such detail that he wonders if you were trying to downplay your abilities or if this is really your definition of doodling. It’s clear you’ve done most of these by memory only because he’s had his head bent over his desk for the past few hours, and most of these are full views of his face. They’re unbelievably accurate, and he realizes you must look at him enough to have his facial features memorized.

“I-I know they’re not great, and I messed up your lips in a couple, but, uh–.”

“Wow.” He breathes in such genuine wonder that you cut yourself off. He looks up at you, a strange, viscous warmth weaving in between his ribs and settling to swirl in his stomach in such a way that it makes him feel a little sick. But, even more strangely, in a good way. He catches himself staring and quickly looks back at your artwork with a flustered smile, “I-I’m flattered. This is… I mean, you’re amazing.”

The moment the words leave his mouth, heat creeps up his neck and he rushes to correct himself, “I-I mean your work is amazing. Not that you aren’t amazing, because you are, but–.”

“Spence.” This time, it’s his turn to cut himself off. That’s the first time you’ve ever called him that.

And fuck, if he isn’t a goner.

You place your hand over his and his heart leaps into his throat, “Thank you.”

“Y-Yeah.” He’s so lost in your eyes that it comes out a whisper. With a little flush of confidence, he turns his hand palm up in yours to squeeze your fingers before hastily pulling away to avoid you noticing how clammy his hands are.

After that night, he finds himself seeking you out a lot more. Knocking his knee against yours under the table, tapping you to get your attention rather than just calling your name. 

It isn’t until you’re both out with the team that he realizes he hasn’t been as discreet as he thought he’d been. He’s had a few drinks and is a little more than tipsy, which is never a good thing with how much alcohol loosens his lips. Especially when you’re sitting right next to him, definitely more sober than he is. 

“Pretty boy, when did you get so comfortable with people touching you?” Derek asks, earning a rather confused look from the man in question. Before he gets a chance to respond, you’re asking exactly what he’d been thinking.

“What do you mean?” By the way he’s looking between the two of you, Spencer assumes Derek is referring to the way you’re pressed against his side – or rather, how he’s pressed against yours, considering he’s the one who leaned practically his whole body weight into your side the moment you sat down.

“You don’t know?” Emily asks, and you shake your head, “He doesn’t like touching anyone.” A knowing smirk creeps up on her face as she locks eyes with him, “Or at least he normally doesn’t.”

“Oh.” Is all you say in response. He doesn’t like the sadness in your tone, and he especially dislikes the way you shift away from him to give him space. There’s a rather startling urge to wrap his arm around you and pull you back to him, but he shuts that down immediately, not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

“Do you remember that time he dodged a handshake by telling the guy it would be safer for them to kiss?” Penelope giggles, clearly drunk at this point.

“You weren’t even there.” Spencer counters, laughing a little to diffuse the tension. He glances at you out of the corner of his eye and notices that your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

You’re a little too quiet the rest of the night. At one point, you leave for the bathroom and when you return, you slide your purse in between the two of you to keep a safe distance. 

He hates it.

He hates it even more when you stop him outside the bar with an apologetic look on your face as you’re all leaving.

“Hey, Spence?”

He swallows the butterflies in his throat that surface at the nickname, “Yeah?”

“I, uh,” You clear your throat awkwardly, “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you uncomfortable with all the, um… touching.”

He opens his mouth to tell you he really, really doesn’t mind it, but you accidentally cut him off, “I didn’t even consider that you might not be comfortable with it, and that was really inconsiderate of me. Now that I know, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’ll be sure to uh, keep my hands to myself.” You titter, glancing at your shoes sheepishly.

“Oh, it’s okay–.” He’s cut off again, this time by Emily, who’s yours and Garcia’s designated driver for the evening. “L/n! You coming?” She calls with a smile.

“Yeah!” You call back, before turning back to him. He watches you almost lean in for a hug, and a pang of disappointment stabs at his chest when you stop yourself in favour of nodding at him with a smile, “I’ll see you next week, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Is all he has time to say before you’re climbing into the backseat of Emily’s car.

He is seriously dreading going into work on Monday.

[nobodycallsmerae]

still got so much to find out

pairing: bang chan x producer!reader(f)

title:i like it by stray kids (album: ate)

cw: swearing, mentions of drinking/getting drunk

synopsis: chan thought there was something between you both, but when he saw you put your arms around hyunjin's waist as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he began questioning the whole situation.

tags: fluff, mutual pining-ish, miscommunication-ish heh, stubid :( and petty chan, minor minho + chan bonding, loong exposition, hwang siblings = real siblings (!!)

links: ao3 | wattpad

note: there were some issues with the povs I faced while writing this, so for the first part, it'll be in 2nd person, while the last 3/4th of the story is in 3rd person. sorry for the confusion !

word count: 2.9k

enjoy !

“I think you need help, man.”

“What’chu talking about, I’m fine.” The man you were basically carrying on one shoulder tried to stand up, tripping over his feet and words.

“See?” He stumbled, standing up on one foot to prove his sobriety. “Are you proud of me now?” He flashed an endearing smile at you. Your face flushed at the sudden eye contact. You covered it with a groan as Chris fell right into your arms again. 

Instead of the quiet evening you had planned, you had never imagined that you'd end up spending your Sunday night at a restaurant watching over eight guys drinking as if it's their last day and telling a very drunk Christopher that you were proud of him for standing up.

You turned around as you heard a click sound behind you, and saw a chuckling Felix clicking pictures of their leader. 

“Aw man,” Jeongin looked over his shoulders. “That has such good blackmail potential.” 

“Or a really cute birthday post.” Felix cackled. 

“Hey, come on now guys, don’t—” Felix turns his screen towards you with a smirk. “—forget to send that picture to me. Anyway, instead of smiling like fools, come here and help me get him in the car.” 

Changbin and Jisung walk towards you, followed by Minho and Seungmin, who were the most sober of the bunch, and helped carry Chan off of your shoulders. 

“Hey, no, wait,” Chris whined as soon as Changbin pulled him off of you, his senses seeming to come back to him. “Let me drop you home, y/n.” 

“Chan,” Your eyes went soft with a smile. “I would love to, but neither of us are sober enough to drive, and I—” 

“She's coming with me, man, not with your drunk ass,” Hyunjin walked over, casually draping an arm over your shoulders. “Lets get going, y/n. We can't be late.”

As you gave Christopher’s hand a squeeze and walked over towards Hyunjin, it felt as if you had squeezed the life out of Chris. 

Had he misunderstood you this whole time? 

As Chris sat sandwiched between Jisung and Changbin in the backseat, he saw you and Hyunjin get into another car while you were giggling with an arm casually wrapped around his waist. 

As you got into the car, he saw Hyunjin hand you a present. 

Chris thought you and him had something going on; he didn't know what, but he sure felt something. And those feelings were stronger this evening, when each smile he brought out of you made his heart ache and his lips twitch up. 

But was it only him who was feeling that way? 

“You okay, Chris?” Minho called out from the driver's seat, looking over at him with concerned eyes. “I've never seen you drink so much.” 

“Ah, yeah, don't worry about me,” He rubbed his face with a groan, the effect of the alcohol making him tired. He smiled as he felt Changbin and Jisung’s heads fall on his shoulders with a soft thud. “You know how hectic it has been with the new single. I guess I just wanted to let loose for a moment.” 

“I get it,” Minho paused, debating on whether to continue or not. “I just… I hope you're not pushing yourself too much, Chan. We're here to help you if you need… and y/n’s here too. So just, reach out, okay?” 

“Mhm,” Chris smiled. “I will. Thanks, Minho.” 

Usually it would seem weird that they were having a heart to heart after a night-out when one of them was sober, but Chris understood where Minho was coming from. 

It was unusual for Chris to drink, let alone get drunk, so he might think that something was on his mind for him to drink like that. 

But little did Minho know, it wasn't something, but rather someone. 

Chan wasn't even planning on drinking, knowing he had a producing session the next day, but when his stupid friends suggested a game of a shot for a secret, he couldn't help but comply, intoxicated not by the soju, but by the need to learn more, to know more about you.

But as he remembered seeing you wrap an arm around Hyunjin as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Christopher didn't know what to feel. 

The only thing he was sure of now was that no matter how he felt, the feelings of his brother came first; he could never do something that would hurt Hyunjin, or put you in an awkward position. 

Y/N, although a fairly new producer at JYPE, was already popular amongst other artists. She had almost received a celebrity status, when even the public knew a song produced by y/n was sure to top the charts. 

But as a kpop fan since her younger days, for y/n, her job was more like a paid hobby, where she got to meet and collaborate with other artists.

So, when she was proposed to co-produce several songs for Stray Kids’ new album, she jumped at the opportunity; not only because of the group’s popularity, but also because she was a die-hard fan of the group. 

She was obsessed with their music, their  vision and the momentous impact they’d had on artists and fans around the globe— she felt honored that she would be able to leave her mark amongst their talent. 

She was excited to work with them; even while casually greeting them in the halls of the building, she found their energy to be highly contagious. And that feeling remained when she became close friends with the members only after a few weeks of working with them.  

While becoming friends with all the members, y/n couldn't help but want something more with a special member. 

Maybe she did have a tiny crush on him even before they started working together; greeting him in the elevator or bumping into him while getting coffee used to be the highlight of her day. 

But after spending more time together, it wasn't just his extremely handsome face, but he became incredibly attractive to her once she saw the way he treated those around him, his commanding but caring personality and his charming aura. 

Being co-producers, she always had to spend time with him, and looking at him in his element, his passion is what made her look up to him as a fellow artist too. 

Y/n was down bad, but how couldn't she be?

Because the person living rent free in her head was Christopher Bang of all people. 

But what excited her, was the fact that maybe she wasn't the only one feeling that way— 

From asking her to hang out with them during dance practice, to purposefully going on coffee-runs together, or going on late night drives on the guise of dropping her home when both of them knew they had drivers.  

Y/n couldn't help but feel delusional and believe that Chan was doing these small gestures as a way to spend more time with her. 

And maybe. Just maybe, her suspicions were proven right last night, when in a crowded restaurant, it felt like it was just the two of them. 

As the group decided to go out to celebrate, everyone expected Chan to look after them, as always, and stay relatively sober for his session the next day. But contrary to popular belief, when y/n saw him gulp down shot after shot to know more about her, y/n couldn't help but feel special. 

As the other members were immersed in their own conversation, Chris and y/n were in a different world.

They shared their hopes and dreams and desires, and the moment that y/n knew that this moment counted for something, that it was different, is when Chris told her, the most relaxed and genuine she had ever seen him, that “It's nice being just Chris, for once. Thank you for not being bored of Christopher y/n.” 

She knew as a leader, and as a performer in general, how much responsibility Chris had to shoulder on a daily basis. And hearing him say that made y/n feel somewhat proud of herself, for letting him let go for once. 

In the dead of night, when half the city was asleep, she whispered in the softest voice, almost unknowingly, as she helped him walk out of the restaurant. 

“I think I'm in love with you, Chris.” 

But as he stumbled over invisible rocks, y/n felt thankful for drunk Chris because spilling it out like that felt like a mistake. 

But once hearing it out loud, she understood these feelings were here to stay, so she decided she would have a conversation with him once he sobered up. 

But now, roughly an hour had passed of them sitting uncomfortably in the recording booth, and for the life of her, y/n couldn't figure out what the hell was going on with Christopher Bahng. 

As she had entered the recording booth an hour ago, she’d felt herself smiling instinctively as she saw Chris sitting on the couch, nervously clutching the hangover medicine in her hands.

“Hey,” Y/n stood in front of him with an uncharacteristically nervous smile. “How are you? Yesterday was wild, right? I brought hangover medicine for you… I wanted to make sure—”  

“Oh, I'm okay.” Chan replied nonchalantly, not looking up from his phone. “Just so you know Changbin and Jisung will be late, so you can probably save it for them, I guess.” 

This was different.

Chris, no matter how busy or preoccupied he was, always made an effort for the other person, may it be the other members or a polite barista. 

The thought hitting her like a pile of rocks, y/n realized what if he had actually heard her confession last night and this was his way of rejecting her? 

But no matter what, they still had to work on the songs together, and y/n thought maybe this was for the best, so that they could still continue working together as if nothing had happened, because no matter what, y/n did not want her own feelings to meddle with Stray Kids’ performance. 

But as an hour had passed with them making little to no progress on the new song, y/n was fed up. 

They usually had such good chemistry, and it felt like their production and arrangement styles merged perfectly, but honestly, she felt like Chris was being a major asshole now. 

Chan was working as if she wasn't even in the room, or when she made a suggestion, he added it without as much as a thought, making her feel as if he was just humouring her. 

Okay, maybe it was hard to work with someone you know has a crush on you, but did he have to act as if he couldn't even stand when your hands brushed together? 

Y/n was hurt, but as a workaholic, she was also frustrated by his closed-off behavior. She was surprised too, because she knew how much Chan valued his work, so it made no sense for him to be acting this way. 

“Okay, man.” Y/n finally snapped, when they'd been replaying the same three second audio clip from the last fifteen minutes. “What's your problem?” 

“What's my problem?” Chan had the audacity to act surprised. Y/n hated how she still found his accent attractive in this situation. “I don't know, maybe you'd like to answer that when you've been the one silently just sitting here s—”

“What else do you expect me to do when you don't even want to acknowledge my presence in the room?” 

“What do—” 

“Okay you know what,” Y/n had to address the elephant in the room, or else they'd be going back and forth the whole day. “I know I fucked up, okay? And I guess you must hate working with me now, but can we just forget about it and act like nothing happened? I swear I won't do anything weird.” 

“Wait a minute, back up;” Chan’s face flushed. “Can you tell me exactly what you're talking about? Did… did something happen last night?” 

“What the hell, man” Y/n wished the ground would swallow her at this point. “You want me to say it aloud? Is this your way of making me more embarrassed than I already am?” 

“No, I—” 

“I confessed, okay? I said it.” She blurted. “And now you're uncomfortable, I understand, but please try to—” 

“You confessed… to me?” 

“Are you dumb? Of course, Christopher, who else?” 

“Wait but,” He didn't know what to feel, happy or distressed. “What about Hyunjin?” 

“Hyunjin? What about him? I—” Y/n was confused, but then her eyes opened wide in realization as she covered her mouth in shock.

“Oh my God, are you with Hyunjin?! Shut up, I'm so sorry! He did tell me he was with someone but I never thought… Oh my God, Chris, I never meant to—” 

“What the actual fuck? No?!” Christopher stopped her, unable to hear her talk about this for another moment. “I'm not with Hyunjin, okay? We're literally like brothers. And why aren't you mad… aren't you dating Hyunjin?” 

“Me… and Hyunjin? Ew, no!” Y/n looked like she was about to throw up. “He literally is my brother. Well, my cousin, but still. What the hell, what made you think we were together?” 

“Hold up, you guys are cousins?” 

“Well, yeah. I mean we didn't want to be public about it because people may think I got the job only because of him. Honestly I thought he told you guys, but it may have slipped his mind.

"And I didn't think it was my place to tell you guys, so I guess its kind of like a secret?” She scratched her head. “But what made you think we were together?” 

“Well,” It was Bang Chan’s turn to be embarrassed now. “Last night I saw him give you a present and you both went together to—” 

“Don't even finish that sentence.” She made a mental note to have a talk with Hyunjin and the members and finally tell them about their relationship, otherwise she was going to loose her mind. “It's Ye-ji’s birthday today, remember? Since the three of us are close, Hyunjin and I had planned a little something for her to wish her at midnight. So the present you saw was for Ye-ji, not me.” 

“Oh.” The silence that followed was the most awkward moment of Chris’ life. 

After what felt like eternity, it felt like the ice had finally been broken has they broke out into unfiltered laughter once they met each other's eyes. 

“Wait,” Y/n smirked. “Does that mean you were jealous, Chris?” 

“Whatever,” Chris gave her an endearing smile, the same one from last night. “I was okay? I was jealous, and I'd never felt anything like that before. I just didn't want to put either of you in a difficult position, which now I realize was a pretty stupid move from my side because I guess I could've simply just asked either one of you.” Both of them chuckled. 

Chris gently took y/n’s hands in his as he continued. 

“So, I tried to distance myself from you. But I realized, I just couldn't. We're a great team, and I think it's because we truly understand and know each other, which is a surprise, because I've never felt like this about anything or anyone in a long time. 

“And not only that, you're one of the most talented and amazing people I've had the honour of knowing. Unfortunately, I do not remember what you said last night, so, I'm going to shoot my shot and hope i don't make a fool of myself.

"I think I'm in love with you, Y/n. It may be a risk, but you're a risk I'm willing to take. So I want to ask you, y/n, would you please—” 

Before he could finish, Y/n, misty-eyed and overjoyed, reached forward to kiss him, and she felt relieved when she felt him smile against her. 

“I guess that's a yes?” Breathlessly, Chris smiled. 

“Yes, yes, yes… A thousand times yes, Christopher Bang!” Y/n laughed. “I think I'm in love with you, too. You—”  

The two of them jumped in their seats as they heard something fall. As they turned their heads, they saw Changbin and Jisung standing near the door, looking at everything but them. 

“Oh, hey, guys, didn't notice you there!” Jisung said in an extremely high-pitched voice. “How are you?” 

Changbin, the voice of reason for once, smiled knowing. “We were going to say that we're sorry we're late, but I guess you did not really feel our absence.”

Chris knew that smirk— it was that of him winning a bet. “We can complete this song another day if you want.” Changbin said, smacking Jisung on the head for acting so dumb. 

“It's okay guys,” Y/n wanted to die. She knew she was never going to live this down. “We were just waiting for you—” 

“No, you know what, thanks, Binnie.” Chris held y/n’s hand with a smirk as they stood up and walked towards the door. Chris knew they were not going to live this down anyway, so he might as well take this opportunity. “We'll let you know when we'll be free. Don't call us!” 

As Chris and y/n walked out of the room in a fit of laughter, they heard Changbin laugh just as loud. 

“Sweet!” Changbin cackled. “I’m gonna be 50 dollars richer!” 

a/n: honestly i never really thought how hard it would be writing an xreader fic, because at one point i literally started using you as a name instead of a pronoun lol. literally was so much harder and i had actually written a snippet weeks ago before i abandoned it due to writer's block but then ate dropped (go stream y'all !!) and the new era has been living rent free in my head, so that gave me the motivation to finally get back to that and make it what it is today lol.

my first xreader and honestly channie was the best person as my muse ♡ i can only say i may write more hehe

i hope you enjoyed and please lmk what you thought and leave comments in my ask box, on ao3 or the tags !! requests are also welcome ♡

untill next time 💌

bang chan masterlist <3

[daenysx]

hi I can’t stop thinking about an aemond fic with his girl graduating university. I graduated today and can’t stop thinking about how supportive your modern aemond would be!!

thank you for requesting, angel! i'm sorry, this is a bit short but i hope you enjoy, congratulations!! requests are open

modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader ♡

aemond watches you take your make up off as he does every night.

this time, it's a bit different. the hour is later than usual, you are a little tipsy because of the celebration drinks but you insist on completing your skin care routine. he lays in bed, his eye following your movements in the little bathroom attached to his bedroom. you give him a smile when your eyes meet, he likes being the person you smile at night.

you apply your night cream on your clean face and turn off the lights as you leave the bathroom. aemond adores how your face looks without any make up on, he likes it either way but your clean face reminds him how safe you feel with him. you trust him enough to create a night time routine with him, it's so nice to be the person you sleep and wake up next to. he opens his arms, you willingly lay next to him, your head on his chest and your arm wrapped around his waist.

"you don't have classes tomorrow." he says. "how does that feel?"

you sigh, nuzzling closer. "it's so weird. i don't think i ever remember a time when i don't continue studying after summer."

"you'll get used to it." he graduated three years ago. "and you can always continue studying if you want."

"i feel free." you say. "and i'm kinda proud of myself. i mean at some point it was really hard like it's never gonna end."

aemond is proud of you. so proud, he can still remember how his posture got straighter the moment you finally graduated. he is the person who has been with you all the time when you were studying, when you were crying because of your papers, when you were finding out about your grades and celebrating them. now, it's all over. you finished another important part of your life and he is one of the main characters. such a nice feeling, he thinks.

"i totally remember that point." he smirks. he does remember the time of your final week during your last semester at uni. it's safe to say he won't let you forget it either. it was a hectic week, you don't remember you ever studied harder in your life. one night, you were literally talking about your lecture notes in your sleep and aemond had the pleasure of learning your class.

"it happened once, aemond." you roll your eyes. "i can't control what i do when i sleep."

he changes your positions to be on top. he kisses your nose, your cheeks. he feels delightful tonight, you cup his cheeks to start a kiss that plays with his heartbeat. he brings his finger to your chin, tilts your head back for a deeper angle. you are both very tired but aemond thinks he can kiss you for an eternity. it makes him feel like he's the lead of one of those cheesy romcoms but he can't help himself.

"do you think it's gonna be okay?" you ask him, breaking the kiss. he knows you are nervous about what to do with your life now, university was hard but it had consistency. your every day was planned, routines were safe. right now, you need to build yourself a new life, it's a new chapter. beginnings are always scary.

"of course it's gonna be okay." he says, playing with your hair. "no matter what you decide to do, i'll be here."

"i think i'm afraid of stucking into a thing i'll hate and then never being able to change it."

he smiles, your pout has always been this cute. "trust me, sweetheart, you can change it. if you ever feel like you're stuck into something, i promise i'll help you with the change you want."

your pout turns into a smile. there she is, his brilliant girl. he kisses the corner of your lips fondly.

"i'm so proud of you." he says before kissing your forehead.

"thank you." your eyes are shining, you kiss him as a way of telling how much his words mean to you.

[barzzal]

call me crosby → interlude p.2

summary: Young, reckless, and rash, an unplanned pregnancy causes a massive rift in your relationship with then, cup-hungry 27 year-old Sidney Crosby. As he gets caught up in his own childish and selfish ways, confused to what was once certain, he lets you struggle alone. His absence reasons a miscarriage scare that leads you to end the relationship. Years after losing you, having to live a life that’s surrounded with the families his friends have built through the years embodies his greatest regret. Now with three cups and tons of awards at his disposal, Sid is given a chance to right his wrongs and win what was once the biggest loss of his life.

pairing: sidney crosby x fem!reader gen. warnings: language and theme, co-parenting, mentions of pregnancy & false miscarriage, sexual/suggestive themes, 18+ ch. warnings: angst, language, swearing, mentions of blood genre: hockey rpf, fluff, angst, kid-fic, exes to lovers length: series; 9.3k masterlist: the barn, series masterlist

note: the interlude is a two-part chapter dedicated for what happened between sidney and reader in the past and why everything had to happen ;) pls pls tread lightly as these chapters contain sensitive themes. you may stop reading at any time should it make you feel uncomfortable. this is just a reminder that you are still responsible for what you consume. all that aside, happy reading <3 (gif used: mine)

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. teasers, interviews, events, and the like that are included in the series are purely made for fictional purposes and do not/should not represent any of the names involved in real life. please proceed with caution.  

Your mind wanders to the not so distant past while you do your night time routine. You blankly stare at yourself absent-mindedly as you lather lotion on your hands and arms. 

It’s crazy how madly and deeply in love you and Sidney were a week ago. 

You can’t help but reminisce about the reckless night you and Sidney shared. The very night that you think might have led to such a life-altering event. 

“Babe?” you hear Sidney call for you from the bathroom. 

You have just gotten home from an annual fundraising ball that the Pittsburgh Penguins hold to support the foundations it is in partnership with. As the captain, and arguably the face of the franchise, Sidney’s hectic night also meant having to always stand wearing your impractical heels and a smile that has to be genuine enough– but not so much as to come off pretentious and inauthentic. 

While all of the actions you’ve shown were true, it was evident that the pressure to remain perfect was taxing. To say that you were tired would even be an understatement.

You feel a hint of hunger but even that won’t stand against your need for a good night’s sleep. 

As you lazily take off your earrings from one ear to another, you hum as a cue for Sidney to let you know whatever it was that’s going on in his mind. 

“How does this thing work exactly?” 

Baffled about the query, you lay your jewelry pieces flat onto the tray, and aim for the bathroom. You were still wearing the dress that elegantly clothed you for the entire night. It was a dress that Sidney had picked out himself. A dress that he knew would compliment and suit his girl just right. 

The sliding doors of the bathroom were already half-open thereby causing you to see Sidney’s reflection in the mirror; his brows furrowed in total and utter bewilderment. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, meeting his eyes in the mirror once he hears your voice. 

He turns to face your way and in his hand rests what seemed like a tiny, but regular, container of skin moisturizer you have been meaning for him to try. 

“You watch me get ready for bed for years now, honey.” you idly tell him. 

Sidney recognizes the exhaustion in your words, enjoying how your lazy voice register in his ears. He smiles. 

“I don’t want to risk doing it wrong,” he explains. “I looked up this brand on the internet and I must say, it costs a lot for such a tiny bottle.” 

You roll your eyes as you take the product from him. “It costs a lot because it also takes a lot to rescue,” you pause for effect as you playfully point at him, “that face.”

The two of you chuckle softly. Bare feet and about to get unready. 

“Have you washed your face?” you ask him. Sidney nods. 

“Alright. What else have you done?” 

He shrugs, glancing over to his side of the sink. You’ve laid out a few products for him. Some of them he’d already gotten used to and some that he’s still figuring out. Sidney tells you about the few products he has initially applied. 

“Could you please help me?” he asks in that voice he only uses with no one else but you. 

You sigh dreadfully, eyes already closed with how tired you were. You lean your head on his shoulder, mumbling your words. 

“But I’m so sleepy.” you let him know. After having a few seconds of rest, you add, “I haven’t even gotten my makeup off yet.” 

Sidney knows you were beat. Even if he doesn’t tell you, he truly appreciates the great lengths you go for him. You don’t have to do it, but you did it all just the same for as long as it involved Sidney.

“I’ll take it off,” he volunteers. 

“Pfft.” you snicker a foolish laugh. “I bet I can get a goal past you faster than you can learn how to take my makeup off. Properly.”

“Come on,” he says, putting his hands on your waist, giving it a good squeeze. “You got to at least let me try. I know you’re tired.”

You give him a smile but reply in a commanding tone, “Promise you’ll do it like I do?” 

Sidney nods, ready to do after your bidding. “Religiously.” 

Once you agree, you let him gently lift you up the counter next to the sink so as to let you be in a comfortable position. By the looks of it, the odds of you falling asleep were high and Sidney just couldn’t bear letting you stand on your feet after you’ve murdered them with those ridiculously high heels.

“Nooo,” Sidney coos. “Don’t fall asleep.”

With closed eyes, you softly chuckle. “Mkay.”

He glances over to the rack where you keep your nighttime essentials and asks, “What do I do first?” 

Sidney willfully follows every instruction you give him as you patiently guide him throughout the process. His endless musings, in the hopes of keeping you awake, have evidently worked despite your exhausted state. 

You didn’t want to drift off anyway. You were in total bliss feeling his touch; soft with care – delicate. Sidney’s fingers graze onto your skin ever so lightly as he applied every product. He did what he had promised you. He did your nighttime routine religiously. 

His movements were put to a stop. You hear a soft clink of the product onto the tray; a sign that he was through. 

Before you get to open your eyes, Sidney leans towards you. He then lightly pressed his lips against yours so as to give you a peck. 

He plants a couple more before he eventually breaks away. 

“Done.” He says enthusiastically, seeing you with a wide smile on your face.

“Yeah?” you briefly open your eyes, Sidney coming into full view. You see him half-naked with only his pajama bottoms on. His chest was rose-colored; perfectly in contrast with the shade of his stubble.

You take a quick glance at yourself in the mirror so you could get a peak of what he’s done. Huh. Pretty good. 

You turn your head back and face him wearing a tight-lipped smile. 

“Like it?” he asks. “How did I do?” 

“You did fine.” you kid. 

Sidney pretends to be appalled. “Fine? Just fine?” 

“Uh-huh.” you tease. “Not bad for a first timer.”

“A’right.” he says with a smirk. “I know I could’ve done a lot worse than a ‘not bad’ so I’ll take it.”

“I’m just playing with you.” you tell him. “You did a good job.”

You open your arms, asking for a hug. Obligingly, he leans in and lets you wrap your arms around his nape. Your hands then found their way onto his face. Your fingers graze over rough stubble just as your eyes meet Sidney’s. 

With your thumb landing on his lips, you gently pull Sidney’s face closer so you could lock him in a kiss. Gentle and sweet. Passionate despite being done swiftly. You feel each other’s warmth– with your mouth and your bodies pressed so close together. 

Once the two of you break away, you say, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

His left hand removes some errant strands that lazily fashioned the side of your face. The other makes its way on the small of your back, pulling you even closer. 

Before the two of you dive into another kiss, Sidney says, “Thank you for letting me.”

𖥸

When Sidney asked you to move in with him, the first thing he did was to start a major renovation of his home. You were not a fan of it because of the obvious reason; it was unnecessary. But alas, Sidney had his ways. He told you it was not just his home anymore. It was yours. “Ours.” was what he said. 

It didn’t matter where the two of you were. Sidney had countless away games and series, and you had your fair share of business meetings on your end. But no matter where the two of you were, regardless of being away, your togetherness was kept by the home you have built with him. After all, Sidney’s home was just a massive block of building situated on acres and acres of land, standing still and lonely. 

Then came you. 

He stripped his home clean when you moved in. Little by little, you were able to incorporate yourself into his home. You had a say in every change; what has to go and what can stay. What paint colors to use and what kind of furniture he should get. Sidney did nothing but say "yes" the entire time. He wanted you to feel at home as much as he did. Neither the place nor the big still and lonely building did matter because he had you. For Sidney, you were home.

From the gorgeous outdoor landscape, classic hardwood floors, to high and white ceilings, Sidney wanted every corner of his home – inside and out, to have a touch of you. Only you. 

It was his futile attempt at a romantic gesture. He wanted to be reminded of you each time he was in it. Because just like what he said, no matter what happens, wherever he may be, you were the person he knew he’s always going to come home to. 

Looking back, it hasn’t occurred to you just how high and white the ceilings were. How distant everything seemed. Without Sidney, all of it seemed dull and ordinary. You just did not realize it until you spent the last several hours staring at that boring ceiling, lying in an all too cold bed that has seen the best and the worst of you and Sidney.

In spite of your still heavy and tired eyes due to all the crying, you find yourself reaching for your phone yet again. Maybe this time you’d get an answer.

“Please pick up.” you utter as you try to numb yourself with the endless ringing of the line. It was getting really late. Even with what happened earlier, you still wanted to hear his voice. That way you’d know he was okay. That way you’d know he was coming home. 

With time feeling like eternity, you managed to give it some thought. Maybe it was your fault. Maybe he was right. You did attack him; one way or another. You could have told him some other time when it felt right or when neither of you were tired. Maybe that way, he could have reacted differently. 

The weight you feel in your chest must have been incomparable to how he felt. It came to him unsuspectedly. The least you could have done was lay it all down easy. But no, you chose to put him in a difficult position where he has to choose between his present and the future. An ambush that was undeniably uncalled for.

Maybe, at some point, you forgot Sidney had a life where you didn’t belong. Maybe that was where you went wrong. Sidney had a life. You made him yours. 

Your hand travels down to your stomach so as to remind you of what life already is – what life will be. Sidney knew you were carrying his child and the first thing he did was leave. For somebody else, it would have been their cue to go. But here you were, instead of feeling all the right things you should be feeling, still waiting for him. 

If your calculations were right, it was another hour before Sidney finally came home. You turned away from the bedroom door and pretended to be asleep. He was quiet but his presence said otherwise. There wasn’t much movement being that Sidney was stoned at the door looking across the room. Looking at you. 

Out of all the years that the two of you have spent together, this was the first time he actually did not feel like coming home. 

Instead of the comfort he’s always felt each time he opened the door to your shared bedroom, Sidney felt unsure. It was as if he almost did not want to come home at all. Because you, who once brought him peace, was the very person who handed onto him a havoc served on a silver plate. 

Sidney no longer minded the fact that he knew you waited for him. He knew you were still awake yet the first thing he chose to do was head towards the bathroom. The clear cut sound of the door coming to a close sends shivers down your spine. You try blinking it away, but the tears just start coming. 

When the bathroom door opens, you squeeze your eyes shut knowing what’s to come next. It was a while before Sidney decided to come to bed. You feel it shift with the weight of having Sidney in it. 

Normally, his arms would magically snake its way to your body and lock you in an embrace. That was the only way for Sidney to get a comfortable sleep. Now, he stares at the ceiling for a good minute or so before he shifts and looks at the back of your head. 

He did not want to say a thing though he felt like he needed to. 

It was wrong for him to feel this way. He knew that. But now that he’s conflicted, Sidney knows he’s going to have to give himself some time. Perhaps, even some time away. From this house. From you.

He takes a deep breath; long but subtle. The one you make when you’re trying to calm yourself before diving off a cliff. Sidney wishes he could come out of his. To be able to swim back to his surface. Because as hard as it was to admit, you were drowning him. 

“Will you ever change your mind?” he breaks the ice and asks. 

Despite being nervous to what his answer might be, you return the question. 

“Will you change yours?”

He doesn’t say a word. And with that, you knew Sidney’s silence was his answer. 

You do the same. 

Though there was something he did want to let you know. 

I don’t want to have to lose you. 

But instead, he says, “I don’t want to lose you.”

You stifle a sob as a tear meets your pillow. 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t answer not because you didn’t want to. You didn’t answer because you were afraid that you couldn’t think of any. 

You hate to think you’d have to lose one another over the very thing that was supposed to make the two of you whole. The truth is, you were scared about so many things. You just didn’t know you’d have to be scared about losing Sidney. 

𖥸

A few days have passed since you and Sidney got to talking. It was barely one being that all you’ve done was fight. It was already more than just an argument and time has been nothing but cruel in letting you know that the sudden change you see in him now is his way of telling you that the both of you are not and will never be on the same page. 

Sidney chose to drown himself more in his Summer commitments. The last thing you heard he was off signing brand deals and staying a lot longer at the club. Now, while he’s busy playing in between putts and pucks, you’ve gone to another appointment and have been taking good care of yourself and your baby to the best of your abilities. 

You were at the task of putting away the lillies you have bought on your way home when you hear Sidney’s car enter the driveway. It would not be long before he opens the door. You have not really thought of what to say to him. As much as you try to understand where he’s coming from, you badly hope he does the same thing to you and simply honor what’s already on the table. 

The sound of keys being tossed onto the bowl rings throughout the hallway; commencing Sidney’s arrival. You see him enter the room in his usual golfing attire, lugging his equipment behind him. 

You have not felt the thick air of uncertainty for a while and you realize it was because he was not around. You offer him a tight-lipped smile once you meet his eyes. 

“Hey, you.” you call for him in a tone that lets him know you were open to talk should he want to discuss things with you. 

Sidney declines your invitation through his own, “Hi.” 

You feel a pang in your chest so you try and make up for it by putting the rest of the mess sitting on the island away. Sidney, on the other hand, sees what you’re trying to do. Nevertheless, he ignores it. Instead, he makes his way around you, heading towards the fridge to get a drink. 

You give up.

“Is this really how you want things to be when you come home?” you ask.

Sidney sighs, letting your words sit in the air. He lets the sound of the water hitting the glass mock you as an answer. You watch him drink its entirety with a stern face, unbothered to even look you in the eye.

A month ago you can’t even picture him behaving like this. Time is fickle, so they say. But it is just as unpredictable and brutal. 

“Sid,” you call, failing to mask the sound of your voice nearly breaking. Of course, you were desperate to have a decent conversation with him. You miss him. And even though you know you would not change your mind anymore, the best thing you can do is to at least have the chance to change his. 

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?” you reach for his hand to hold it. 

For a moment, you see his eyes soften. He looks down on your hands. You were scared that he was going to dismiss you but much to your relief, Sidney held your hand instead. He tenderly rubbed the back of your hand whilst he tried to find the words to utter. 

This was one of the things you miss. Sidney’s touch. He’s always had a way with it. Nothing really mattered for as long as Sidney held you. You felt so secure – safe from anything that may come your way. For as long as you were with Sidney, you needn’t have to feel scared. 

Just when you feel a sliver of hope, you see a somber expression in his face the moment you look back at him. 

“I don’t have anything new to say.” he nearly apologizes. 

Disappointment now printed all over yours, you choose to let him know of what kept you busy. 

“I went to Claire and got a sonogram.” you tell him, forcing out a smile. 

You opted not to get one the first time despite Claire’s advice. You wanted to have Sidney with you in that room. But now, it was painfully clear that it might never happen. Not to mention the fact that his child is continuing to grow regardless of what he had to say about it. 

Sidney gladly lets your hand go so as to caress his nape. When he falls silent, you continue nonetheless.

“The baby is healthy.” you add.

Shrugging the latter off, he asks, “What about you?”

He still cared about you. At least that was there. 

Is it really too much to wish he’d feel the same way for his child?

“I’m fine.” you answer, uninterested with your own well-being.

Sidney says nothing else but nods, dismissing whatever you still have to say concerning his unborn child. 

“Won’t you at least see it?” you try for yet another time. 

Sidney’s jaw clenches but he chooses to let it go. He didn’t come home to fight. 

He pays you a meaningful look, devoid of the fact that the said sonogram was already pinned on the fridge along with a few old polaroids that the two of you intentionally kept for each other’s sake. 

“I told you, I don’t have anything new to say.” he repeats himself. “And I still won’t even if I see it.” 

It was clear that the two of you were trying to make ends meet. But Sidney was not trying hard enough.

“Then what are we doing here?” 

You were offended, of course. You were utterly hurt by his appalling insensitiveness. Sidney did not give even an inch of care but that shouldn’t justify acting too much of an ass about it.

“Am I supposed to wait for you to change your mind before I continue carrying your child?” you continue, “I’m pretty sure pregnancy doesn’t work that way, Sid.”

Do you take him for a fool? He thinks. 

You touched a nerve, causing Sidney to lose himself again. 

“Who even told you I wanted one?” he retorted. 

What does he think would happen after sex? A gala? A dinner party?

You need not stress on the obvious. Besides, doing so would just take you miles down the surface you’ve barely even scratched. Dealing with a closed-minded Sidney and piling on his share of negativity would just be counterproductive. 

“I’m not changing my mind, Sidney.” you firmly state.

The time Sidney was gone did not make you want the things he wanted. It just made you certain – so sure, that you want nothing else but this baby. And you know there was no other way out. 

“Are you with me on this or not?” 

He scoffs at the thought of you making him choose. 

“You’d really go that far, wouldn’t you?” 

“That far?” you scorn.

“Sidney, that ‘far’ we happened to be discussing right now, is a life together!” you stress, pointing a finger at his chest. “So, yes. I am willing to go that far.”

Sidney could not find the words to save his own cause. But regardless of the problem he still hopes you can set aside, he knows that you will eventually come to your senses and choose the life that you were already living with him.

However, the wounds were barely even healed and here you were, deciding to pick at it again.

“I told you to come back only when you’re ready to be an adult about this and face it with me.” you order. “I don’t need you starting a fight because you know I will never change my mind.”

“Well, you know what? Neither will I.” Sidney shakes his head, adamant to bow down in favor of your will. 

“There. I said it.” he adds, thinking of the night you told him about your pregnancy. 

He sees your eyes watering and he knew it would be enough for you to pull him back in. But this wasn’t like the other times. You wanted different things and he did too. Maybe that’s how it should be. Maybe it isn’t worth prolonging what has clearly ended.

“You’re right.” he says, “I shouldn’t have come home in the first place.”

Suffice it to say that he did not deserve to feel half of what you have been feeling, you hold him back once he starts retreating.

“W-Where are you going?” 

“Geno’s.” He shortly answers. “I cannot be on board with something you chose to decide all on your own.”

You fall silent as it was not the response you were expecting, especially not from Sidney. So instead of speaking for you and his unborn child, you watch him leave once again. 

𖥸

Sidney made sure he was kept preoccupied for a reason. It was evident that you were making him choose. And despite him denying, he is certain that regardless of the path he’d be taking, you’ll choose to have the baby and leave the life you have already built with him. 

He hated the possibility that you might leave him for something that was unplanned. Something that could have been prevented by a birth control shot. But no, it didn’t. It frustrates him that you won’t take the only ‘out’ he’s got to offer. It frustrates him even more to know that regardless of your choice, he just could not see himself being tied up to a commitment he knows he will never want.

Yes, he may have wanted and hoped for a life with you but that was it. Only you. He did not need anything more. On top of it all, he’s scared. He’s scared because he knows that he almost hated you for it. 

You have reached an impasse and you and Sidney both know it. It was just a matter of who’s going to be the one to break it to the other. He doesn’t want to be the one to do so, hence why he chose to leave. 

Sidney was a man that loved calculation. Everything had to be precise. Otherwise meant having to give a shot at failure. That was how he felt for the majority of his career. He did excel at school but it did not challenge him. It took less energy and made him less driven. He wanted to acquire so much and be so much more within so little time. Wishful thinking and ambitions aside, he made everything he wanted happen. 

He just wishes he could figure this one out before it’s too late. 

Geno had his feet up on the couch, hands were glued on the game controller, yelling at the TV. It was another game that he had one of Anna’s nephews teach him. He had nothing to do for the entire day and he was a firm believer that wasting time was not really wasted – only if you make it count. 

The count, if you dare ask, was a 2-4 game versus some kid on the internet. N8Dawg29.

Geno’s shouting at the TV was put to a stop when the doorbell rang. 

“Lucky bastard.” he says, throwing the controller elsewhere. 

Given the moment’s notice, he wasn’t expecting anyone. He had no idea who it was at the other side of the door. By the time he opens it, Sidney’s face comes into view. 

“Sid!” he says his name with a giant smile on his face. The very same smile that was washed away by the look Sidney had on his. Lost. 

What brings you here? was what he wanted to ask. But given the way his friend looked, it was apparent that something big was bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” 

Concern traveled to Geno’s eyes when Sidney spoke of your name as an answer. 

“Is she alright?” he asks him, opening the doors of his home wide for Sidney. 

Sidney looks him in the eye and says, “She’s pregnant.”

As the brand new information hit him, Geno begins to realize that such news might not have been well-received by Sidney. 

Uncomfortable and panicking as to how he’d make light of the situation, Geno asks, “Who’s the father?”

𖥸

Geno knew he needed reinforcement. N8Dawg29 would have to wait. 

No, it wasn’t because Geno was losing. It was because he had more important things to tend to. Let him leave it at that.

Two crystal clear snifter glasses were pinched in between his fingers whilst his other hand held a bottle of premium scotch. He takes long strides across the room, making his way towards the lesser halves of the Pittsburgh Penguins’ three-headed monster. 

The Captain had just broken the news to Kris, but unlike Geno, the defenseman took his time before sharing his two cents. Sidney spared no detail as to what happened. The truth that he didn’t want a baby, and the ugly truth that you did. 

Just like how he looked in front of Geno, the expression on Sidney’s face was more than enough for Kris to deduce that congratulations weren’t in order. Despite him being happy to learn about your pregnancy, Kris just couldn’t let Sidney feel as though his feelings were invalid. 

Quietly, whilst the biggest names of the team sat together, the weight of the elephant in the room was still borne solely by the team’s captain. Once each of them was able to take a sip from their respective glasses, it was Kris’ turn to ask a question. 

“Does she really intend to keep the baby?” 

Sidney nods as the alcohol runs down his throat. 

“Actually, she made me choose,” he says. “–said she’d do it with or without me.”

“Are you going to let her?” 

Sid meets Kris’ eyes, “What would you have me do?”

Kris takes a deep breath, conflicted as to whether he was in the position to say what’s in his mind. “You know it really doesn’t matter what I think. It is still your decision.” 

“Of course, it matters.” Sidney counters. You’re a father. He wanted to add.

“What is it that you want to hear from me?” 

“Just hit me. Tell me how you feel. I can handle it.” 

“All right,” Kris puts down his glass thereafter clasping his hands. “Are you a hundred percent sure that you don’t want to be a Dad?” 

Sidney finds it hard to answer. But he knows it wasn’t because there may be a slight chance that he would eventually want to be one. It was mainly because he knew saying it out loud would paint him in a bad light. He can’t afford to look selfish in front of his friends.

Kris questions, “So, you’re telling me you haven’t pictured yourself with a child? Ever?” 

“Of course, I have. It’s just– I don’t want to have one now.” Sidney feels like a fool for saying it out loud. “You know I love kids. I have always been great with them. You know how I am with Alex, right?” 

Sidney looks at Geno once he speaks but all Geno did was avoid his gaze. Even he didn’t favor how Sidney had to bring up his godson as an example.

Instead, Geno asks, “Then what is the problem?” 

“I don’t think I can be a good father. I’m afraid I’d screw it up.” Sidney fiddles with his fingers. 

“How can you be so sure you won’t be a good father?” 

Sidney sighs, “How did you know?”

“No one knows they’re going to be a kick-ass Dad until they become one.” Kris says. “I couldn’t even figure out how diapers work the first time I had to do it, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to be a good Dad.”

Sidney runs a hand through his naked hair. “Maybe that’s it.” 

Kris’ eyebrows furrow, waiting for Sidney to continue. 

“How can I be good at something I don’t even want to become?” He looks at both of his greatest friends. 

He continues. “It’s different with you and Catherine, Kris. You both wanted Alex. You both wanted kids. I’m not quite sure I can even begin to like the idea of having my own and yet, here it is – already tearing me and Y/N apart.”

Kris takes a deep breath. 

With his words subtly laced with judgment, he says, “There is only one thing you can do.” 

“What?” Sidney raises a brow.

“You have to let her go.” Kris continued. “Even if it means she’d have to do it alone.” 

Kris respects Sidney for not wanting to have a child. He knows he’d have to understand where Sidney’s at in life. If he says he’s not ready to father a child, then so be it. But that does not give him a pass on being a selfish prick who he’d still have to understand in exchange for you and your unborn child’s sake. You were as important as Sidney is to Kris. He wouldn’t simply allow Sidney to take everything he could while you empty yourself for him. 

Sidney asks yet another appalling query. 

“Do you really think she’d choose it over me?” 

Kris answers with a knowing look on his face, “Any responsible adult would choose a baby over you, Sidney.” 

“Kris,” Geno puts his glass down, interfering. 

“What does that supposed to mean?” Sidney takes offense.

“What did you expect me to say, anyway? Did you come here expecting I will coddle you? That Geno and I will help you be this irresponsible?” Kris tells him off, switching glances between the two of them.

Geno calls him in a definitive tone. “Tanger, stop.” 

“No,” he stressed. “The two of you came to my house asking for my help. Here it is. I am a father. It’s one thing to feel unready for such an immense responsibility. I get that. But, it seems to me that you’re seeing this predicament as a game you just have to win no matter what. That kid isn’t even born yet and here you are, antagonizing him for breaking your relationship. That is your child, Sidney. Your child with the woman you claim to love. Even if you don’t want it, the least you could do is acknowledge that it’s here. It’s not just a thing you have to tolerate.” 

Sidney and Geno fall silent. 

Kris gathers himself and stands, aiming to leave the room. 

“Let her go, Sidney.” he recapitulates. “You know you’re not the person she needs right now.”

𖥸

Three days have gone since Sidney left home. You haven’t gotten enough sleep since then. You’ve tried busying yourself tending to some house chores but none of it sufficed. Tiring yourself did not help in your pursuit to keep your mind from thinking of him.

As much as you wanted to, regardless of your doctor’s orders, you just can’t function bearing a magnitude as heavy as the one you’re facing with Sidney, hanging over your head. Here you are, barely functioning through a day, how could you possibly picture a life without him in it? It seems as though the past is now a blur. But then again, so is your future. 

“Hey,” Cath’s voice soothes you from the other end of the line. “How are you?”

You almost forgot that you were on a call with Catherine. 

Dissociated, you answer, “I’m… I’m doing okay.” 

“Are you sure?” she asks for the hundredth time. 

For the past three days, you’ve always answered that you were. Perhaps, it was for you to save face in the hopes of seeing Sidney again. 

“No.” you finally admit despite Catherine already knowing, “I’m trying.”

“I know you are.” she says. 

It seems as though she wanted to say something else but didn’t know how. Sidney, apart from staying with the Malkin’s has gotten the liking of dropping by her house to see her husband. It had been a day since the first time they had talked about you. Catherine knew little of it but she knew Kris didn’t exactly agree with whatever Sidney had told him. 

Finally, she lets out a sigh, “Listen, Sidney’s here.”

Your heart skips a beat at the mere mention of his name. With a glint of hope in your voice, you ask to confirm. “He is? How is he?”

“Well, to be honest, not good.”

You find comfort at the thought. You might still have a relationship worth saving. 

“Do you want to speak with him? I can–” Catherine offers but you’re quick to decline. Maybe some time to himself will do you both good. 

“No don’t, Cath. Really, it’s fine.” you say with a sad smile. “Knowing that he’s there is enough.”

Silence sits on the line for a moment. You have always waited for Sidney to come home for the majority of your entire relationship. It didn’t matter if he was gone for days or even more than a week; he came home every time. That thought alone made the wait bearable. Now, the uncertainty of it all just makes the wait longer because unlike before, you’re no longer sure he’ll be coming home. 

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” Cath pulls you back from your thoughts. The truth is, you haven’t. 

“Have you been eating? What about your medications? Are you taking them?”

“Well, yeah. I am. I am taking them.” Sometimes on an empty stomach. Sometimes you miss it by an hour or two. 

“Have you slept at all today?” 

“I… Not really. I haven’t been sleeping well. There’s a lot going on in my mind.” you say as your eyes flicker to your surroundings. You then realize that the chaos in your mind has begun to translate into your home. Your sight eventually falls onto the load of dishes you’ve yet to tend to and others already cleaned waiting to be put away. 

“I know. But you need to take it easy.” she reminds you. Catherine has a point. 

“Please take care of yourself, Y/N.” you hear her sigh. “Your baby needs you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” you earnestly tell her, adding that Claire’s stopping by in an hour or two. “A friend is coming over to keep me company tonight. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

However, just as you stand whilst talking, you feel a sudden surge of sharp pain in your abdomen. 

You find yourself holding your lower stomach, unsure if it was something to be concerned about. Claire has informed you about the minor discomforts you were inevitably going to feel as your body adjusts to being pregnant, but was it supposed to hurt this much? 

Catherine calls your name when you failed to answer. 

“Yeah?” 

You start to walk, aiming towards the kitchen. Your palm rests on your abdomen in an attempt to relieve yourself of the pain you were still feeling. 

You hold the phone with a bit more pressure, you hear Cath ask, “How are you really? You know you can tell me stuff. I know it must have been tough having to deal with Sid.” 

You sigh in an effort to alleviate the pain. Your eyes begin to water by the mention of his name. It has been tough for you. If Cath could see it, how come Sidney couldn’t?

“I miss him, Catherine.” 

“I know you do.” she replies sympathetically.  “How can I help you?”

“I don’t know.” you reply as your breath becomes labored. “Just– , please tell him to come home.”

You shut your eyes, pressing on your stomach once you reached the counter. 

“We need him.”

𖥸

Was Kris right? Sidney was deep in thought as the paddle hit the ball from one end of the table to another. Geno hits it right back. Sidney does the same. They go on and on uttering no words but mere sighs and labored breathing as they play the game of table tennis. 

Even if Kris was right, he knew it was still going to be Sidney’s decision. If you yourself could not convince him of the life he so clearly does not want, what makes Kris think he can do otherwise?

Despite the heated conversation, Sidney was still thankful Kris had a gym in his basement. He needed to clear his mind; something Geno understood. Sidney rarely gets upset, but most of the times he did, it was for the right reasons. Now, however, Geno wasn’t sure.

“What are you thinking, Sid?” Geno asks as he recovers after missing the ball. 

Through his still labored breathing, Sidney puts the paddle down and briefly looks at him. He shakes his head, not devoid of a single thought - but overwhelmed by millions of it concerning: you. 

When he doesn’t hear a word from Sidney, he finally asks, “It’s been three days. Don’t you want to come home?” 

Sid plays it off with a grin, “Why? You’re getting sick of me?”

Geno rolls his eyes, “Yes, what are you gonna do about it?”

The two of them share a brief laugh, trying to lighten the weight bore by the topic of you. 

“I don’t know, man.” This time, Sidney tells him the truth. He does not know. He had hoped to know by being away from you. But if asked the same question of whether he wants the life that you do, he still has the same answer. 

Before he can say another word, Geno speaks as if he read Sidney’s mind.

“If it’s not entirely a yes, it’s a no, Sid.” he tells him. “You’ve got only two ways out of this. To stay or to leave.”

Sidney’s taken aback. 

To stay would mean to live a life off his books; blind and unplanned. He’d be traversing an environment completely foreign and unknown. To have a child of his own. To have a family. Forever. 

And on the other, to leave would mean to accept the gut-wrenching picture of a life without you; to embrace it through and through. And maybe hope that someday, it will eventually get easier. 

Before Sidney could even answer, the Letangs came rushing into the room. 

“We gotta go,” Kris announces with urgency, the key to his car already in his hand. 

Sidney’s eyes fall onto a frantic Catherine who was clutching onto her phone - voice trembling as she says, “It’s Y/N.”

𖥸

Sidney has never feared anything in his life. Between having to leave home at such a young age and thereafter fighting the horrible concussions that cost him almost fifty games off of his career, he has never felt as frightened as he did when it was you who was already on the line. He admits that he was not in the right mind to deal with what you have told him, but the fear of losing you was so insurmountable that it made being a father seem less terrifying than he could have possibly imagined. 

“Where is she?” 

“Is she okay?”

“Have you seen Claire?”

Wanting to breathe became obsolete once Sidney chose to speak all aforementioned. He held Cath’s shoulder, almost shaking her, in an attempt to get an answer. 

“Claire took care of everything. She’s fine.” she says, relaying what Claire had told her. 

He lets go a sigh of relief. He runs his fingers through his evidently unkempt hair – and asks, “What about the baby?”

If the record was right, it was the first time he’s ever asked about your baby. 

Despite how Cath felt about Sidney, she did not simply have the answer.

Worriedly, he walks past her and looks through the small window of the lounge door. He sees a handful of people, mostly visitors. Sure – there were doctors going from one side of the room to the other wearing their coats and clipboards in hand, talking. Always talking. Giving out information, whether well-received or heart piercing. It was a whole ‘nother job that seemed so ordinary. A whole lot more than what is perceived.

Sidney wanted to go to you. He wanted to find you. But how can he do that if doing so would mean causing more risks than he’s already had? Because even if it was the least of his worries, Sidney could not possibly handle more attention from the crowd. 

It was exactly the ugliness you had to bear being with Sidney. Being with him meant having to consider who he was inside and outside of the rink; that your personal life is inevitably tangled with the one he had with his skates on. There was no double life with Sidney. He has successfully integrated the two so he gets to live both. As for you, you were the tide that went along with it — the tide that kept his boat afloat. 

𖥸

Claire hoped she wouldn’t be spending the night in the hospital. But then came you. 

She was glad she still had the spare key you’ve given her to your home. Between scrambling to find it amidst her million other keys and finding you sitting on the cold floor of the kitchen, holding your stomach, with blood apparent in your clothing, Claire was just glad that she got to you the soonest you needed her to. 

“My baby–” was the first thing you told her as you tried speaking in between sobs. 

You looked at her, tears running down your cheeks, once she had approached you. 

“It’s alright. I got you. I got you.” she repeatedly told you. 

Her eyes fell onto where your hand was. Truth be told, she has never been this scared in her life. It was crazy how she simultaneously knew and didn’t know what to do. It was you. Your safety and the life of the child you’ve yet to birth, placed unexpectedly in her hands. Despite all that, she was certain that she’s not about to lose anyone. Neither you nor your baby. 

“Please don’t pass out.” she murmured more to herself as she held your face. “Stay with me, alright? You guys are gonna be okay. You’ll be okay.”

Claire stayed true to her word and took care of you. You were settled in a private room, resting. It was evident that all the emotional and physical turmoil you’ve been trying to suppress has finally caught on and got the better hold of you. Scarily so, despite the night’s ordeal, you were now safe. You and the baby. 

You were asleep when Claire left you in your hospital room. She still has a few of your documents that needed sorting out. Well, that and having to deal with the man – with both of his hands placed on his waist, pacing – waiting for her at the end of the lobby. 

“How is she?” Sidney asks Claire the moment he was within hearing distance. 

She ignores him. Instead, she goes inside the waiting room and acknowledges the presence of Catherine alongside Kris and Evgeni. 

“How is she?” Catherine shoots the same question. 

Claire initially answers with a nod then proceeds, “She’s going to be fine. We just need to let her get some rest.” 

Cath nods as well as the others. 

“And the baby?” 

Claire doesn’t give a definite answer. 

“We’re still waiting for several results.” 

“W-Why?” Sidney jumps in the conversation. “Did something happen to the baby?” 

Unfortunately, as much as Claire wanted to hit Sidney’s face, she couldn’t. She wasn’t in the hospital just because she’s your friend. Simply put, duty calls. And right now, Sidney demands her of it. 

“I am not at liberty to disclose anything at the moment, but I assure you, we are doing the best we can.” she tells Sidney despite not meeting his eyes. 

“Will you at least let me see her?” He pleads.

“I don’t think so.” she states firmly.

“What– Why?” Sidney asks quite defensively. “I am her emergency contact person!”

“No, you are not.” she informs him. “You cannot see her files because you are no longer her emergency contact person. I am now. You are neither her next of kin nor are you married. And if you are present as any partner should have, you would know.” 

Sidney scoffs, “That’s bullshit.”

“You are not my patient, Sid. I am in no way responsible for disclosing information Y/N clearly doesn’t want to share with you.”

“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” Sidney complains.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Claire tells him. 

“I can’t believe how unprofessional you can be!” Sidney exclaims when Claire continues to ignore his requests. 

“No,” She looks at him for a moment, gets back to reading your form on her clipboard, and meets Sid’s eyes once again. “It’s the consequences.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” 

The Letangs come in between the two to mitigate the tension, “We’ll just wait for as long as we need to.”

“Why? What’s the plan, Sid? Huh? Isn’t this what you wanted? To spend your years like Jagr?”

“Don’t you fucking go there.” He warns.

Even more appalled by Sidney’s reaction, Claire grins and shrugs shamelessly before walking away.

“I think I just did.”

𖥸

Sidney did not exactly know how he did it and how fast he had done it, but as soon as Claire had her hands full, he went straight to grab the brass metal of the door knob leading to your room. 

Quietly, as he spared one last glance of his surroundings, he turns it and opens the door. 

It was perhaps a good thing that your bed was not adjacent to the doorway. Sidney could not fully comprehend the things wrecking his brain all at once. Although he knew of one thing: he finally gets to see you. 

It was indeed a good thing that your bed was not adjacent to the doorway. Your mind drifts right off the tip of your finger as you look outside your window. The fog was so even and misty that it made the entire window a blur. The only thing you could see were the steady white lights of that huge corner block building fashioned by the noise of cars driving off to a better place than the four corners of your hospital bedroom. 

Judging by the scenery, you could tell that it was well past midnight. 

As you lie with your still aching heart, you find yourself grazing your stomach ever so gently as if you were holding something– someone, much more meaningful than your entire being. 

If only he was– 

“Hey.” 

He is. 

Sidney had both of his hands resting on his side alienated by the thick air he usually causes. It was a battle as to whether to go near you or stay still. But judging by the way you looked at him so strangely, he knew he didn’t have any other choice. 

You watch him inch himself closer until he is already at the foot of the bed. He looked unusually small for a man of his stature. Your eyes did not miss a thing. You saw the hesitant look he had coupled with the urgency that is perhaps all too late to be paraded before your eyes. 

Despite noticing all that, in Sidney’s eyes, you did nothing but look. He was scared not because it made him uneasy. He was scared because you have never looked at him that way. 

There are so many things to be said but Sidney was at a loss for words. He wanted to ask how you were; how the baby was. He wanted to say how sorry he felt for leaving and how dumb it was to let you suffer when he could’ve been there like he should have. He wanted to let you know how badly he prays and hopes that you’ll find it in yourself to forgive him. But mostly, he just really wished that you’d still want to make it work and build that family – with him. 

How could he say all that when it feels like you were miles away beyond his reach despite him already holding your hand? 

Finally, as though the words have only occurred to him, he asks, “How are you?” 

He looks back at you as intently as he thought you did. However, your eyes mirrored his, unwillingly. Sidney takes the empty seat beside your bed; never letting go of his hold on you. 

Soon enough, you look away and aim your attention onto his hands. Both of his palms embraced your hand oh so desperately, pleading a prayer only he could hear. 

“I’m sorry.” he says, eyes now misty with tears. “It’s all my fault. I should’ve been with you. I’m sorry. I was selfish. Please please forgive me.” he adds, pressing wet and much more desperate kisses on your hand. 

He waited for you to say something in return but he received nothing. You looked at him exactly the way you did when he arrived; sparing him a blink or two whenever your eyes got tired.

It was the kind of silence Sidney wasn’t accustomed to. It was the kind of silence he never knew. 

Until now. Until you.

His voice breaks when he decides to speak yet again. 

“Please say something.” he desperately asks. 

But you don’t. 

You just lie in the same cold bed, letting him hold your hand. 

Afraid of what has become you, Sidney masks his fear with a wide smile albeit it didn’t do any better. It just made him feel worse. Maybe even a thousand times more than he’s already had. 

“Mon amour…” he calls you. “Please talk to me.”

You blink and look away. 

Sorrow now filling the void he feels from within, Sidney sees your hand that was still resting atop your stomach. 

For the first time, he then dared to ask, “How… How's the baby?” 

Sidney sees you look at him yet again as if to finally acknowledge his presence in the room. 

However, the words you spoke next nearly made him wish you did not bother at all. 

“There is no baby, Sidney.”

You spit the words like vile coursing from your throat; voice hoarse from the eventful night. 

“W-What?” he stammers, evidently shocked at your uninhibited way of revealing such news. 

“There is no baby.” you repeat just as you remove your hand from his hold. 

“You may go.” you quietly add, looking away. 

Confused, off-guard, and terrified, Sidney tries to grasp the thought of the truth. 

“What do you mean there is no baby?” Sidney begins to flood you with queries. “They must have read the tests wrong. It can’t be right, can it? Claire told Cathy everything was fine! We do have a baby!” he nearly grovels trying to get a hold of you, pleading. 

“We have a baby, y/n.” He breaks. “We’re going to be a family.”

Oh you’d kill to have him say those words when you needed him to. Only he didn’t. And that is the truth you’re now choosing. 

“I need you to go, Sidney.” you respond calmly, frustrating him even more. 

“Please, y/n!” he cries. “What happened to our baby?” 

“It’s gone, alright!” you lose it just as Sidney’s world begins to crumble, “You got what you wanted!”

You blink away the tears about to break just as you say, “I need you to go because I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“No– There’s got to be another way for us. We always find a way.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Sidney.” you reiterate. “I don’t think we should be together.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re mad at me,” he argues. “Just be mad at me, y/n!” 

He grabs your hand and places it close to his cheek. You can feel the tears on his skin and his desperate cry to escape the inevitable. 

You look at him with the same fondness you once had. The last he’ll ever see. 

“It’s over, Sid.” you declare. “I don’t want this– I don’t want to be with you.”

“Y/N… please,” he says. “I’m begging you.” 

“Leave, Sidney.” you reach for the red button on the side of your bed, hoping to get Claire. 

Sidney’s tears continue to fall. But you no longer care. 

“I can’t do this without you.” he says in between sobs. 

You press the red button repeatedly. You wipe your tears away wishing Claire would get to you faster. 

“Please don’t end us.” he says, knees already on the cold hospital floor; a complete mess. “Please don’t make me leave.” 

Before you can push him further away, the door to your room abruptly opens; Kris and Geno come into view. 

With a firm yet cautious voice, Geno calls him. “Sidney.” 

Kris puts an arm over Sidney’s shoulder, “Let her get some rest.”

“Y/N–” Sidney calls for you once more; bearing with him the thought of losing his son and his son’s mother. The family you wanted a little too early. The family he wanted a little too late. The painful truth that Sidney chose to carry with him for years however ugly and cruel you made it to be just so he can still make it seem real. 

If only he knew.

series taglist: to be reblogged! [tumblr crashes a lot and won't let me post smh]

note: woooow been a hot min! how's everyone? i hope you liked this long over-due update i'm so sorry life got in the way for a bit. anw, you know how much of a sucker i am for interaction so lmk what you think love ya! ♡

add yourself to the series taglist here. i appreciate all kinds of feedback! ♡

[leah-lover]

I need you. Jill roord × reader.

Smut 18+

Jill misses reader after she did her ACL.

My life has been hectic ever since Jill did her Acl. Our games have been hard and critical for our shot at the title so losing concentration wasn't an option. O. The other hand, my relationship with Jill was going through its toughest phase yet.

Dealing with the shock of her diagnosis, her surgery, her physical And emotional pain had stretched the both of us too thin. We were tired.

Jill was hurt because of her knee, she was hurt because of the strain in the relationship but she couldn't say anything. She wanted to feel loved and appreciated during her current status. She couldn't say anything though, she was afraid all the responsibility would drive me away. As a result, she started to close up on herself.

I noticed the change in her state after it came home from training.

“ Hello darling, I missed you.” I said as I tossed my keys and bags and went towards the couch where she was sitting.

“ Hey, is your knee okay? What's wrong, talk to me honey?” I added as I massaged over her brace.

“ No I am okay, love. My knee is fine.” She answered with a half smile.

“ Darling I know you just please tell me it's your knee again I can get you something for it” I said before she cut me off.

“ It's not about my fucking knee. This knee has stopped my life. I miss you I just fucking my iss you soo much.” She said,

My hand immediately traveled to cup her face. “Honey you could have just said so I miss you too.” I replied before leaning over to give her a peck which she turned into a messy kiss.

“ If I had known I would have sorted this problem a long time ago.” I joked.

“ Don't be an ass and come back here. My knee doesn't change anything. I am still in charge.” she said.

We continued to kiss before things got more heated. “ It's okay, just get on top of me “ she demanded.

I was worried about her knee. But I needed to be closer to her.

I got on top of her, and unconsciously started grinding on her thigh.

“ That is a good girl. Keep going, my love.” she said with the raspiest voice.

While I was grinding, she was kissing my neck and massaging my sides and my chest.

“ Baby, I.. I think I am gonna come .“ I whispered into her ear.

“This soon baby. Hold it for me.” She replied.

I kept on grinding on her thigh.

“ Jill please I can't anymore.” I pleaded.

“Okay love, come for me.” She replied, while running her hand up and down my sides. After that the lounded sound managed to creep out of my mouth as I released a month's tension and collapsed into Jill’s arms.

“ That's a very good girl.” she said, calming me down by running her hands on my back.

“ Baby you are dripping. Let me return the favor.” I demanded.

Without asking for permission I slowly lowered her on the couch, took off her shorts and positioned myself between her thighs.

Arousal was running through her thighs. It only took my tongue quick contact with her core for the nastiest moan to escape her lips.

While being careful, I continuously rubbed circles on her core, and she kept getting angstier by the second.

“Baby please I need more.” She pleaded.

With that I pushed two fingers inside her.

Which seems to do the job as she lost control rapidly.

“Babe I need to come please don't make me wait” she pleaded, her breath getting quicker.

My pace then grew faster, which helped her come.

After she came I cleaned her up with my mouth and laid on her chest.

“Next time just tell me you need me okay.” I said.

“ I love you so much.” She added before falling asleep.

[imaginecolby]

my favorite pillow || c.b.

summary: after an exceptionally long day, you are beyond tired and all you want is to cuddle with your boyfriend.

requested by anonymous.

“today has been insane, i cant wait to come home to you :(“ you text colby. you and him had been apart all day, tending to your necessary work tasks, running errands, and going to meetings. it was hectic as hell, and you couldn’t wait for the day to be over. 

“i may be getting home a little earlier than you, so i’ll be sure to have dinner ready for you.” colby text back.

“ah, you’re perfect.” you smiled as you hit send on your reply. you focused your attention back to work, and anxiously awaited for the end of the day.

once you completed all your tasks, and were finally able to go home. you practically ran out to your car to head home. by the time you arrived, colby had dinner set up for the two of you, paired with glasses of wine and ambient lighting.

“mmm, smells good.” you said with a smile as you walked into the dining room.

“perfect timing. everything just got here.” he smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips. you set your bags in the kitchen and sat down with colby at the dining room table. you and him talked about your days, complaining how busy you both were and how exhausting the day had been. 

after dinner, you both made your way to your bedroom, fully unwinding from the day. you’d both undressed and stepped into the shower together, the warm water washing the stress from your shoulders. you stood facing the water as colby stood behind you, massaging the soapy loofa across your back, shoulders, and arms. your eyes closed as a comfortable silence fell over the two of you, nothing but the sound of the running water keeping you company. you swayed back and forth a bit, almost falling asleep. 

once you were out of the shower and dressed in your pj’s, you and colby climbed into bed. you nuzzled into his side, wrapping your arm around his stomach.

“mmm, my favorite pillow.” you smiled, laying on his chest. you felt him laugh as he wrapped an arm around you and began searching for a movie to watch.

“glad i can be of service.” he laughed, rubbing your back. you laid there quietly as the movie started, you barely able to hold your eyes open for most of it. everytime colby would move, even just slightly, you would whine, complaining about how he was disturbing your sleep.

“babe, you gotta let me up. i have to go to the bathroom.” he laughed, pushing you off his chest.

“ugh, fine.” you groaned. you sat up, dazed and confused, a small pout pulling on your lip while you waited for colby to come back from the bathroom. as soon as you saw him walk out of the door, you held you arms up and made grabby hands at him. he huffed a small laugh, and climbed back into bed. he repositioned himself in the same position he was in, and you laid back down with him.

“are you done pouting?” he teased.

“very much so.” you laughed, nuzzling deeper into his side. you heard him laugh again as you started to fall asleep again. colby laid as still as he could beneath you to allow you to sleep comfortably. that night ended up being one of the best nights of sleep you’d ever had, cuddling as closely as you could with the love of your life. it was perfect.

[itsdingdong]

Come Home To Me -Drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x girlfriend!reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Suggestive, Profanity

Word Count:: 1990

A.N: I didn’t specify her occupation. She’s a career woman. Unedited, I might come back to it, wrote it on a whim.

Song: come home to me by Justin Bieber

"I'm home," your boyfriend announces his arrival. It's your last night together before he heads off to serve in the military. It's been a rough few weeks for both of you, especially for him. You know he's not ready to leave, especially at the peak of his career. Not only that, but his career consumed so much time that spending moments with loved ones became a rare luxury. He never had separation anxiety, yet here he is, struggling to leave everything behind for two years.

He left for the gym a little over an hour ago. Deep down, both of you knew he'd rather have stayed and done nothing and everything with you. Sadly, the uneasiness became overwhelming, visibly making him look shaky and pale. You suggested he go out and blow off some steam, and he left to try that.

"I'm gonna take a shower. I'm so sweaty."

"Yeah, okay."

And there's tension. You know it's not personal, but it makes you nervous anyway. You're undeniably going to miss him a lot. No, you don't show it to him because he's already in a vulnerable state. He's been trying to make the best of his solo era before he's rid of one of the craziest highs one gets – fame. You know he's not ready to leave all that behind. How you see it is that it's a learning curve and a point in his life for him to grow and mature. That's what the military does to boys. They take a leap into becoming a man. That's one of the pros you can see. You're as obliged to wait as he is to go, so you stopped whining about it as soon as you found out about the enlistment. He needs your support more than ever, so that's what you're giving him, period. Maybe it was one of the things that gave girlfriends the wife material quality – who knows?

With both of your hectic schedules, it was hard enough to spend much quality time together. When you did, it was the utmost best. Those times made the whole deal worth it. Two tired people in need of love and compassion met in an unusual place and easily fell in love as literal soulmates. Soulmates with little to no time to spend. You just wanted to support him as much as you could. It wasn't like you were never going to see him during the service time, but you'd very much rather have him come home to you, even if it's just to spend the night in bed, sleeping.

Your chest has been squeezed tight since a couple of days back. You watched the V-Live he'd done while you were away, and you weren't happy about it. People wouldn't leave him alone with their uncalled-for negativity when he was extremely generous with his limited time to make people who supported him happy. From stans accusing him of abandoning Bam, his baby, to them following him around – which he got a scolding from you for showing his address.

He's a strong man, one of the toughest you've met. And he manages to stay kind, humble, and polite. Now, shit like this doesn't faze him usually, but nowadays, you're in awe to see how clueless and selfish people could be. They may not see it, but he gets hurt, and they are not the ones to pick up the pieces. And with that mindset, they wouldn't have been able to even if they tried. Despite everything, he did a final live to fulfill his promise. That alone shows how huge his heart is and how much he cares.

When done showering and changing into his sweats, Jungkook quietly joins you in the living room, a towel in his hand, drying up his shaved head. A small smile forms on your lips just by the sight of him. Damn, you're so in love with this man.

"Hey," he says as he drops himself down next to you on the couch.

"Hey," you say softly. His eyes look into yours for a moment, then they drop to the ground. He still looks sad, all puffy from crying too. "Come here. Please." He pats his chest, signaling you to hug him. Seriously, you don't need to be told twice. When you wrap your arms around his neck, he leans back, making you lie on top of him. You stay like that for a minute. Then 2. Then 10. Until you both fall asleep. It's a 20-minute nap before you feel him shuffle under you. You're so comfortable and peaceful in your current position to move or open your eyes; you just stay like that.

"I will miss you so much." The words come out as a shaky whisper. "I really don't want to go." His arms tighten around your figure. You don't want him to go either. It's on the list of things not to say to him.

"I know. I will miss you too, but I promise it'll pass in the blink of an eye."

He shakes his head before resting it on yours. All you want to do is cheer him up and give him all the hope you can for the following 18 months. To make him feel and know that everything will be okay. He's a mess, and you just want to rid him of all the upsetting emotions he's feeling right now. If only you could take his pain and stress away.

"We will all be waiting for you. I will visit you whenever I can. And I'll see you when you're home." If I'm here. You don't add that detail either. It's possible to miss him on his free days depending on your schedule, but he knows that already, and it's not worth mentioning at this very moment.

"I'll go see Bam as much as I can. I'll take photos of him. I know they will too. I'll make sure to visit your parents too." You finally raise yourself to look at his beautiful eyes. The well of tears brimming in them completely shatters your heart.

"I love you." He croaks, trying really hard to keep himself from breaking down. Though you wish he would if he needed to, but you wait and reply, "I love you more."

"That's impossible." He sighs into your neck, making you shiver slightly.

"Agree to love equally then?" You suggest playfully.

"Deal."

There's a brief comfortable silence after that. Your mind quiets down as you enjoy his warmth and strong arms around you. Eyes closed, you listen to his heartbeats as well as his breathing. Thankful to have him.

"Do you think I'll be forgotten when I'm gone? 2 years isn't a short time." He breaks the silence. His words slightly anger you because you know that it's impossible and you really hate it when he gets insecure like that when he has absolutely no reason to. But you know, no matter what, his worries are valid, always.

"Of course not. Who could forget such a gorgeous, talented, wonderful, funny, and caring man like you? I couldn't. Even if you weren't mine, you'd have definitely left an impact. And obviously you did because, like, ARMY, you know? Besides, you're really hot, if I do say so myself. Who could forget this face?" He smiles at your encouraging words as they warm his heart.

"I don't think I'm hot right now."

“Oh baby, how wrong you are. You look so hot even if you don’t feel like it.”

“I think I’m going to cry.”

“Sure, I’ll cry with you.”

“What? No, don’t cry. I’ll cry even more.”

“It’s okay to cry. I know you’re struggling, I’m here for you baby. I would prefer if you weren’t in such distress but if you are, let’s go through it. Together.”

Your words move him. He knows he’s loved. By millions and by the people he cares for the most. You? You’re different. You love him so honestly and care for him thoroughly, he can’t help but to feel extra grateful for your existence. He’s usually a grateful person but you make him thank whoever out there that’s hearing him a little more often. He knows you’re the one he’ll spend what’s left of his lifetime with. He’d marry you in a beat if it weren’t for your no marriage till babies rule. Which he’s okay with. But still, you just have to say the word and he’ll take you to the courthouse. You come second to his mother in terms of peace and comfort he can find in one but he’s okay with you switching spots when the time comes. You’re the safest thing that’s ever happened to him in such a dangerous world.

“You will wait for me, right? 2 years is a long time. What if you met someone?” You appreciate his honesty. Him being vocal about his fears. You appreciate that he doesn’t hide from you. All you wish is for those fears to vanish. There’s no way you’re leaving him. Ever.

“I will wait for you as long as you want me to.”

“I will always want you to.”

“Good. We have a deal then.”

-

“It’s almost 11, shall we go to bed? It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.” You suggest. He - technically you too - will have to wake up early. His parents were coming from Busan early in the morning to send him off.

“I’m not sleepy. Fuck, how am I going to fix my sleep routine, it’s seriously messed up.”

“I can’t think of a better place than the military for it.”

He pauses then laughs as it finally dawns on him. “How come I didn’t think of that?”

“You’re so out of it Jay Kay.”

“Mm, yeah. But I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Yup. Definitely. Also, we don’t have to sleep just yet.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I thought we’d cuddle a little.”

It’s probably what you’re going to miss the most in his absence at home: his cuddles,

“And a one last ‘see ya’ fuck before I leave?” Wiggling his eyebrows, he looks at you with a glint of mischief and lust in his doe eyes.

Maybe that too. God, he seriously has no shame… he was crying just now this little shit.

To that, you can’t help but to tease, “When you put it like that, I guess I’ll pass.”

“Babyy, please. You got me all excited and stuff.”

He’s cute. A cute guy that makes you smile. Always. Even now you are smiling.

His pouty lips look so plump and kissable. You’re so used to seeing the ring there, that it feels weird now that it’s gone. “It’s a good luck, ‘I love you’ and a please be well fuck.”

“Mm yes, talk dirty to me.”

But you don’t do that tonight when your bodies are wrapped under the sheets. Instead, you just affirm and make love to him like you want to make sure he feels all the love you want to give. Maybe for the first time in weeks, he falls into a serene sleep, snuggled into your chest.

-

“It’s time to go.” You hear someone yell. Time does fly whenever you wish it doesn’t. But it still does fly when you wish it does. You just need to allow it. Your heart squeezes a little but you try to breathe through it. He’ll be okay.

“Take care of yourself. Don’t get cold. Call me whenever you can.”

“I will do all that. I promise. I love you.”

“I love you. I’ll wait for you to come home to me.”

“I’ll come running, baby. Trust me.” He brings you in for a hug and gives you the quickest kiss allowed before turning away to say his goodbyes to his family.

You can’t wait for him to return but as he’s away, you wish him the best and in your heart pray that everything will be okay.

[jamiedryssnail]

Safe now

Love of my Life Au

Warnings : fighting, swearing, underage drinking, and attempted SA

He was 6,1 and on the hockey team guys knew to keep clear of him and his girl. Obviously he is the biggest sweetheart but if you didn’t know this well then good luck because he can be intimidating when he wants to.

He always has a need to hold her, go to the bathroom with her, get her drinks so they don’t get spiked. He is protective but he knows he needs to be because you don’t know what types you get at big parties like this.

He also knows that all the hockey boys will look out for each others girls. Madi especially I mean she is practically hockey royalty and they are all like her older brothers. There is also the factor that her brothers would kill you if anything happened to her. Now if you think Rutger looks intimidating try her three NHL player brothers Quinn, Jack, and Luke.

Mads was not drinking at all just Coke Zero for her. She is a very serious athlete and her mum Ellen always said athletes don’t drink in the season. This came as more of a suggestion to her brothers ( jack ) but she took it to heart. Always wanting to perform her best and not take any chances of being sick, dehydrated, or tired.

Hence why Rut thought it was fine for her to go to the bathroom by herself. She hadn’t been drinking and the bathroom was in view from we’re they were standing, talking to Mark and Ethan. “Just meet me right back here as soon as you are done” he noted as he was very cautious of his girl. “It’s one of the biggest parties of the year who knows who is here mads, ok” he says making his point clear.

If it was any other party he would have been fine and more at ease. But Michigan had just won the rose bowl so it was hectic and everyone was there drunk off their asses. He had heard of many cases at parties like this of girls getting spiked or assaulted by guys. “Ok baby I’ll be quick, then maybe we could head home yeah” she said in a suggestive tone. Mads wondered off into the crowd seeing the huge line for the bathroom. There had to be at least twelve people ahead of her.

As she waited in the line she saw Dylan duke her long time best friend. “Dyl, we’re have you been all night” she asked knowing just why he had been preoccupied. “Oh shut up she is pretty ok and she thinks I’m hot” “Sure, Dylan” she joked.

As they chit chatted she gave rut a little wave before he looked away smiling re entering the conversation he was having.

“Oh my god what are these people doing in the bathroom” She exclaimed obviously busting to pee. “Mads don’t wait in this queue just go upstairs, it’s what I’ve been using”. Dylan says directing her

Unsure Madi made her way upstairs passing a few couples that couldn’t seem to wait til they got home to get with each other. As she made her way to the top she looked in a few rooms for a free bathroom. Accidentally walking in on a few couples getting at it she got a few ‘what the hell’s’ and ‘do you minds’. She finally found a free one and quickly used it.

Quickly using it and then touching up her makeup for the night ahead with rut she opened the door ready to go downstairs. As she started walking out she saw a guy she had never seen before looking directly at her. “Hey Mads right?” He asked “It’s Madison.” She said sternly trying to get out of there as soon as possible. She so did not feel like having a conversation with a gross stranger who obviously just wanted to get in her pants. Mads tried to exit but he grabbed her arm and whispered in her ear “ I don’t really care what your name is or how you say it you have a decent rack so you better shut the fuck up” Madi then trying to scream and kick her way out causing some kind of attention.

The guy put her hand over her mouth and dragged her back into the bathroom locking the door. She tried to fight back but he wasn’t budging instead hitting her in the face making her drowsy. She kept trying to push him away but he was a big dude and was to strong.

As she felt the blood start drip down from the top of her face she couldn’t help but cry.

Rutgers Pov,

“Hey has anyone seen Mads”

He had been asking everyone at the party for the last ten minutes.

“Rut hey dude mads just went to the toilet upstairs”

“Alone are you fucking with me” he said fuming at Dylan for even thinking that was ok. Rutger knows what guys are like and he was ready to beat the shit out of anyone.

Rutger rushed upstairs and searched everywhere to find one bathroom door locked. He banged on it then to hear Madi’s soft pleas to stop and get off her.

“Open up you asshole” Rutger screamed he swore the whole party had heard him but he didn’t care, he just wanted to hold mads. Luckily the guy had only just locked the door so nothing major had happened.

Finally the guy opened up the door expecting some guy who drank to much beer and needed the restroom. Before he knew it there was a guy jumping on him punching him repeatedly until he had blood all over his face. “Fucking touch her again and I’ll fucking kill you” he yelled like someone had died. Luca and Dylan seeing this run to pull Rut off the guy, then something catches ruts eyes. Madi standing frail and scared a few feet away. He goes to hold her and then sees blood. She has a cut on her upper eyebrow.

“You son of a bitch you laid hands on my girl” Rutger yells knowing he can’t do anything because he has to hold mads. “Oh fuck off as if you’d be dating her if she wasn’t a Hughes and didn’t have a rack”. Then the guy spoke up again “she’s a slut you know what have ur hooker looking girlfriend”. At this point Rutger was beyond pissed he couldn’t believe his ears.

“Fucking say it again I dare you” “As if you’d be dating her if she wasn’t a Hughes and didn’t have a rack she’s a good hit admit it” Rutger then decided to leave it until he heard a “Yea go have my sloppy seconds I got to her first tonight” and with that the guy was almost passed out on the floor from another hit. Luca lunges to towards him telling him to leave before they call the cops.

“Oh my girl you poor thing come here” rut says to mads. “I’m sorry for not being there I’m horrible” he whispers. “No Rut you were there don’t blame yourself for others actions, please baby”. Madi said

Rutger and Mads slowly walk down stairs trying to exit the house and get back to someone’s dorm. He did not let go of her at all after that. Finally finding the front yard Rutger picks her up and puts her in his car. “Oh sweet girl I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again”.

When they get to Madi’s dorm Rutger grabs the first aid kit Madi uses to clean him up after he gets into fights at games. He carefully dabs a cotton bud and some disinfectant oil for her cut. He then fixes himself up knowing his girl is to tired to do it for him like usual.

Rutger helps madi out of her little dress and into one of her (his) shirts and his boxers. He can’t help at smile at his beautiful girl almost drowning in his clothes.

After they both get into comfy clothes they find themselves cuddled up in bundles of blankets and pillows holding each other. Rutger is just happy she is safe now, and when I tell you he will never let her go again i mean never. He is walking her to and from every class, holding her tightly at parties, and taking her to her training. Anyway let’s just say Rut is content but also not looking forward to her brothers finding out especially jack.

[rebeliz7]

AUGUST - PART ONE

August 1/3

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader 

Warnings: Pinning - Cheating

Special thanks to Van (aka @missmonsters2) for helping me by editing this, all 3 chapters.

…

July, 27th

A high-rank order arrives at the Tower early in the morning, which is code for the White House, which is code for 'you're not directly involved.' 

You understand the hierarchy of the job, and you accept it. The only Avengers who are allowed to communicate with the President are Steve and Natasha, even if the rest of you provide backup if needed. 

The missions from the Oval office are usually dangerous and, more often than not, quite complicated. A part of you is a little relieved that you get to stay at home and 'hold the fort,’ while Steve and Natasha have to pack their bags to go somewhere that you're not allowed to know. 

Steve hugs you goodbye, and you melt in his arms, if only for a second. He's your boss, technically, but he's also the closest thing you have to family, and although you're not ready to say it out loud, you care about him. 

"We'll be back before you know it. Try not to give Tony an aneurysm." He laughs, and you push him towards the jet in jest. 

"He and I have our own thing going on, don't be jealous." You smile back, and the look in his eyes almost makes you run back into his arms, but he nods his head once in your direction, and then he's walking towards the jet. 

As if things couldn't get any worse for you, you have to watch Wanda kiss her wife goodbye too. You look away quickly, not wanting to have that image engraved in your mind. 

What you feel for Wanda is - complicated. You think she knows, but she's also a married woman, and neither one of you will ever acknowledge whatever it is that you feel because everyone knows that she's head over heels for Natasha. 

"Hey, you don't have to worry." Natasha's voice pulls you back, and you realize that Wanda is saying goodbye to Steve by the jet now. "I have his back."

"I know," you say, and Natasha takes your hand. 

"I know you don't like this any more than we do," she says, and you swallow with difficulty. They have a mission, and you accept it. There's nothing you can do to stop them from going. You know what this job entails. 

What's eating at you is the fact that this might be very well goodbye for good, and none of you know it.

The thought always passes your mind whenever one of you leaves on a new mission.  

"We'll be back before you know it." She winks at you, and you smile back; she's your oldest friend, and you've never said it out loud either, but you care for her—deeply. 

"Take care out there," you tell her out of habit. 

"We will. Take care of her for me, would you?" She looks back at her wife, and you look at Wanda hugging Steve. "She might worry."

"I've got her."

"Pay close attention to Daisy. She shows promise."

"I've noticed, and I will."

…

July, 28th

The world seems at peace. There are no trying thugs with supernatural abilities on the streets, no arms dealers selling guns to maniacs. The Avengers are not needed, and when noon comes around, you realize that this could very well be your first day off at the Compound. 

Things have been a bit hectic since you joined the infamous team of heroes a couple of years ago, and for the life of you, you can't remember a single day off since the day you joined. 

Before Natasha practically dragged you into this Compound, your life was not a peaceful one, and you've never had a full day to yourself, but that changes today. 

Today you stay on your floor and order pizza for lunch, and you sit through an entire season of Modern Family on Netflix while you finish the beers on your fridge. 

When the sun finally goes down, you notice how tired you are of not doing anything, but you're smiling, and this has officially been your day, only yours, and you'll always remember that. 

July 28th, you will always remember this day. 

… 

July, 31st

Tony is worried, and Wanda is pacing the meeting lounge. 

Natasha sent in an encrypted message a few minutes ago. Their mission got a lot more complicated than they were expecting, not that it surprises you. 

They'll have to be away for longer than they originally planned. 

"Can you reach them?" Tony asks you, and Wanda turns to look at you with hope in her eyes. 

Natasha sent the message through a radio line only you know of, she wanted it to be a one-way type of message, and you know she'd check but only to make sure that you didn't answer. 

"Well, yeah but -"

"Nat wouldn't want that," Wanda says, and you watch her take in a deep breath as if to gather herself. You can practically smell her worry by now. 

"You don't look worried, or surprised." Tony assesses you, and you shrug lightly. 

"Don't you watch the news, grandpa?" You ask him in jest, and he rolls his eyes at you. "The President is not very subtle about the places he decides to bomb. Nat and Steve are probably behind a defector, who must be surrounded by security detail 24/7."

"How do you know all this?" Wanda asks, and you shrug lightly again before sitting on the table. 

"I don't. I'm just taking a wild guess here. The order came from the White House, right?"

"It sounds like something that Stark Satellites could have helped with," Tony mutters, completely blindsided by your question. 

"Don't be like that, Starboy." You smile when he glares at you. "Your satellites leave traces behind."

They both take a moment to think about what you just said, and you remain quiet while they process. 

Once they do, Wanda goes back to pacing, although slower than before, and when she meets your stare, you smile at her, however small. You told Natasha you'd look out for her, and you don't know exactly how to do that. 

"How long do you think they'll be gone?" She asks you. "Are they safe? Why would the President send them in for this?"

"I'm just taking a guess here, but if this is actually what's happening then it could take a month or two."

"Two months?" Tony asks. 

"Well, they'll have to blend in and Natasha won't take any chances. Meaning, she'll go all out. Surveillance, tracking, making contact, studying the perimeter, making contact again, befriending someone on the inside, befriending a lot of people on the outside, looking for alternatives, setting up a trap in case they have to resort to it, plan for escape routes. Several escape routes."

"Sounds easy," Tony says with his usual bite, and you sigh as Wanda takes a deep breath. 

"Hey." You call her, and she looks at you with worry etched on her face. "Natasha is the person for a job like that, and I'm just taking a wild guess here."

"You were right the last time." She points out. 

"A Governor got killed and it was all over the news. That one was easy to guess." You smile until she shakes her head and lets out a breath. 

"If anyone can handle something like this, it’s Natasha," Tony says. "She'll bring back Rogers. He's lucky she's with him."

"That, he is."

… 

August, 1st

Sam and Bucky arrive from their mission early in the morning. They've been gone for almost an entire month, and by the sore look on Bucky's face, they don't come with good news. 

Blake continues to slip through their fingers, and Bucky continues to shut you down when you try to lend a hand. Blake, a Russian lowlife that tortured Bucky on more than one occasion under Hydra's command, has proven himself a hard one to catch. 

You get it, you understand why Bucky wants to be the one who catches him, but it's obvious that the guy knows Bucky well enough to always keep himself one step ahead of him. You'd know. 

You leave the debriefing room when Sam and Bucky begin bickering, knowing that they won't stop for a while. They're an odd pair, but they get each other.  

You go about your day with as much normalcy as if the Captain and Natasha were here. You run the drills for the new recruits, and you pay special attention to the girl Natasha believes has the potential to be something more. You make sure to run her a bit harder than the rest, just like Natasha has been doing. 

You have to agree with her; Daisy does seem like the kind of girl that belongs in the field. 

You check in with Rhodey and make a round of calls to the Agents around the US. Things are calm, which means someone is cooking something big, and logically, everyone is beginning to go nuts. 

You go about your day. Whatever comes your way, you'll deal with it when it gets here. There's no point in worrying about things that are not in your control. 

"Want some?" Wanda asks when you enter the kitchen, and she's serving sauce on top of pasta on a plate. You were coming to fix yourself something as well, but the moment you smell the air, a smile forms on your face. 

"Is this your famous pasta and sauce I'm smelling?" You ask back as you hand her another plate, and she smiles. 

"You guys are easy to please," she says as she puts the sauce on top of the pasta, and you get a whiff of the delicious aroma of her cooking up close, and you moan to yourself. 

"Or maybe you're just an amazing cook," you tell her, and her smile turns a bit bashful. 

You take the two plates to the table as she picks up a bottle of red wine and two glasses from the shelf. 

It's been a few days, and you haven't exactly kept an eye on her like Natasha asked you to do when she left, but Wanda seems perfectly fine. You caught sight of her in the morning as she tried to go about her day with as much normalcy as you were. 

If it were a regular mission, everyone would still be tense, but it'll be 'normal.'  The job comes with high-level risks, and you all live in danger on a daily basis, even now while you sit across from Wanda, the both of you aren't completely safe. 

A mission from the White House means there are no official records because that's why their preferred agent to go to is Natasha, and you all know what that entails if things were to go south. 

She was a KGB Agent. She was an enemy of the state long before she was an ally, the Black Widow can always turn the tables, or at least that's the narrative the President would use if it came down to it. 

As it is, though, Rhodey was anxious when you talked to him earlier. His tone clipped in every word that he spoke. There's no doubt that he knows exactly the nature of the mission, but you know better than to ask questions that won't be answered. 

Sam and Bucky are doing exactly what they do when they're worried, which is to retreat to their military ways. Sam took over you in the drills, and Bucky oversaw the sparring exercises with the rest of the recruits. 

Tony has been locked in his lab since Nat and Steve left, only coming out for food and attending the necessary meetings, nothing more. Wanda cooks, she cooks a lot when she doesn't know what else to do, and you're trying to keep on going as normal as you can. 

"Be honest with me," she says as you pick up a fork and she pours the wine in the glasses, and you look up to see her face. "You think they're alright?"

The moment her eyes meet yours, you remember the exact reason why you make a habit out of avoiding spending too much time with her. It's unfair, really, the power she holds over you without even knowing. 

"You worry too much." You deflect as you take your glass and sip the wine. 

"That's what she always says." She frowns, and suddenly, the mouthwatering smell of her cooking doesn't seem so appetizing anymore.  

"We would know if things went wrong. Isn't that the whole point of sending them both in? The russian spy and the golden boy aren't exactly subtle news."

She purses her lips in anger at your Government and how manipulative they are, but the worrisome in her eyes is undeniable. 

"You asked me to be honest."

"I did." Her accent comes out sounding harsh and cutting in her bothered state, and an idea occurs to you. 

"Look, I know I can't ask you not to worry or even lie to you and say that things will be alright because that's a prayer more than a fact in our line of work. But I can be here with you, and I can try to keep your mind off of it if you'd like."

She looks at you as if analyzing you and you let her even though her eyes are made of the most beautiful color, and you're positively distracted by her whole face. 

"She asked you to look out for me, didn't she?" She asks, and you smile, although the color of her eyes continues to distract you.

"Can you blame her? You really do worry too much."

"And you don't seem to worry at all."

Her words catch you by surprise, although her tone remains kind when she speaks, meaning she's only curious and not upset, at least not with you.

"What's the point in worrying about something that you can't control?" You counter her question with one of your own, and she looks away, finally picking up her glass of wine, drinking a generous sip from it before meeting your stare again.

"What's the point in deed? Let's eat, this sauce is no good cold."

Her cooking is, as always, splendid, and you spend the rest of dinner talking about your inability to boil water.

By the time you're picking up the dishes, you realize that you're having fun, and conversation with Wanda is not as terrifying as you once thought it could be.

…

August 2nd

You wake up to find Fury sitting on the small couch you keep in your room, and you almost have a heart attack.

"You sleep like a baby," he says. "Like a drugged baby."

"You have a mission for me? Please, tell me there's a mission and you weren't just being a creep."

"There's a mission," he says as he hands you a black folder. You take the folder from his hand as you sit upon your bed and rub the sleep off your face.

"Son of a bitch." You gasp the moment you see the first page.

Hudson, Fury found Hudson.

"I thought you'd like that," he says as he stands up. "Just wanted to see the look on your face when you saw it."

"I'm running this." You tell him, and it's not a question, but he still nods as you stand up as well.

"Of course you are. You thought I was just gonna come here and give you that folder for nothing? Come on! You have ten minutes to prep."

Ten minutes later, you're geared up and ready to go, and Fury is waiting for you in the hanger next to Bucky and Wanda.

"We need him alive," Fury says the moment you're close enough, and you're already nodding. "This is no joke. The only reason why I'm giving you this is because I'm a man of my word."

"I know." You nod again, and he pins you down with a hard glare.

"Alive." He enunciates right in your face, and you roll your eyes. "However, you use whatever means to capture him. What happens in the field -"

"- stays in the field." The three of you finish for him, and he hums to himself, all the while pinning you with a glare.

"We got this," you tell him as Bucky boards the jet, and Wanda laughs to herself as she follows him.

"You better." Fury declares, and with that, you follow your teammates.

…

Hudson has slipped through your fingers more times than you're willing to admit out loud at this point, so you keep that to yourself as you explain to Bucky and Wanda who Hudson is.

"So he's your friend?" Wanda asks, and you're tempted to groan, but the confused look on her face is way too much for you to handle, so you look away quickly.

"Was. He was my friend." You correct her, and they're not subtle at all when they exchange a look.

"Spill," Bucky says.

"I just did. He and I were partners, he abandoned me when we retrieved an expensive object from the Caribians and I haven't seen him since."

"I get the feeling that you're oversimplifying things for us," Wanda says, and her accent makes you want to smile. It doesn't come out that often anymore, but it leaves you feeling like this when it does.

You can't like her accent this much; it's unhealthy.

"I trusted the guy." You admit without looking at either one of them. "I trusted him and he left me in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by enemies because of money."

"Wait," Bucky says, but you don't look at him. "Hudson. Australian accent? About five four, brunette? Ridiculously bad at poker?"

"You know him." You look at him, and Bucky huffs a smile as he continues to pilot the jet. 

"He sold Hydra a fake relique back in the day. He's slippery."

"I'd know." You stand up as Bucky closes in on the location, and Wanda follows your lead. 

…

You find him exactly where Fury told you he'd be, which tells you all you need to know. 

He's nursing a drink at a small bar in the outskirts of Alabama, and although your first instinct is to smash his face against the wooden counter, you sit by his side and order a local beer. 

"What took you so long?" He asks in that characteristic way of his, flashing you a smile and a wink that would be charming if you didn't know the guy as well as you do. 

"I never thought I'd see the day where you were asking for help." You thank the bartender when he comes back with your beer and Hudson's smile wavers. 

Bucky confirms the presence of a third party through your coms, and you're not surprised. You saw at least five armed men when you walked inside, and Hudson's knee continues to shake. 

"Yeah, well." He says as he downs his drink, and sweat drips down the side of his face. "I don't want to die. Fury was the last resource. I'm ready for you to take me in."

Son a bitch, you think. This clever son of a bitch. 

"Who are they?" You ask him just as you hear a gunshot in the street, and he jumps behind the bar.

Chaos erupts inside the bar when you jump behind him and grab hold of his jacket just when he's about to sprint for the back door. 

Bucky and Wanda are already engaging, and when you hear the word Hydra your entire body runs cold. 

"This is Hydra?" You ask him, and when he takes a little too long in nodding, you punch him in the face hard enough to knock him out on the spot. 

Every single one of you has a history with Hydra, and Fury knows that. 

You can hear Bucky cursing and Wanda's grunts as they fight outside while you make sure that Hudson doesn't escape. You drag his heavy ass into a closet, and there you shoot him with a sedative before you run outside to help your team. 

It's absolute chaos. God, you hate Hydra. 

You spot seven men to your left the moment you step outside, and you roll on the ground to get close to a parked car for cover. They all shoot at you, but you make quick work of them. 

Bucky is fighting too, but you catch sight of Wanda in the air; more specifically, you catch the exact moment they hit her with some sort of energy weapon to take her down. 

She loses her balance, but she doesn't crash like they were probably expecting her to. No, she turns her attention to the jet that shot her, and then she buries that jet on the ground with a single movement of her hands. 

You smile to yourself, feeling oddly proud of her, but you don't lose focus. You're still surrounded by enemies, and you make sure to keep shooting while keeping your teammates in your peripheral. 

What did Hudson do? What did he steal, and who did he sell it to? 

"Let me guess," Bucky says as he walks tiredly towards you. He sounds breathless, and his cheek has an inch-long tear, which does nothing to minimize the pissed-off look on his face. "We're his extraction, aren't we?"

"You can yell at Fury for that when we get back," you tell him, and you turn to shoot a few remaining Hydra agents when you see them pointing at Wanda, not at you. Bucky is once again fighting off two guys off of him. 

She has her back to you, and you run towards her. No, you think, not her. 

You take down four out of the five men going for her, but you run out of ammo. She's working on taking down the last jet, and they're not making it easy at all. They're shooting her with everything they have, and so is the guy to your right. 

You sprint just as the jet she's fighting collapses and explodes in a cloud of smoke, dirt, and fire. 

She turns when you're only a couple of feet away, and the bullet hits your shoulder just as her eyes meet yours. 

Her eyes widen as you listen to the unmistakable sound of Bucky's arm when he punches someone. You fall into Wanda's arms, and Bucky rushes to your side. 

"Why - why would you do that?" Wanda asks as she kneels on the ground with you in her arms. "Oh my God. Why would you do that?"

"We need to go." Bucky runs back into the bar to bring out Hudson, and you can't look away from Wanda's terrified expression. 

"Why would you do that?" She asks as tears gather in her eyes, and you try to ignore the pain and the blood on her hands. 

"You know why."

…

August, 3rd

Doctor Woo is a miracle worker. When you emerge from her regenerative chamber, you feel as if you were never shot in the first place. 

"I can't even feel where the wound should be," you tell her in wonder. 

"That's because there's not a wound anymore," she tells you with a grin as you walk backwards towards the wall mirror, trying to get a good look at your shoulder blade. 

"You're amazing," you sincerely tell her, and she takes the compliment with a subtle nod of her head. 

"Thank you. Now, let's go over a few exercises."

You follow her instructions and stretch, bend and shake your arm at her command until she's satisfied with her own work. 

…

Fury doesn't apologize, and you don't mind. He's the boss, well, your boss's boss, and you're here to do a job. 

He gave you his word a while ago that he'd let you know the moment Hudson showed up, and he delivered. Hudson is behind bars, and you were the only one injured in the mission. 

Bucky doesn't have the same perspective that you do, he gives Fury a piece of his mind, and Wanda's eyes turn red in anger, but Fury walks out in one piece. 

"You got shot, how could you just sit there and say nothing?" Tony asks you from the other side of the table, and everyone else turns their attention to you. 

"What's the point in dueling with things that already happened?" You retort, as you always do. "I'm fine now and Hudson was brought in. The mission was a success."

"And nothing else matters in your book, does it?" He bites out. 

"Nothing else should. I'm here to do my job and I know what I signed up for. If I wanted a desk job I'd get one, but I'm here."

"We were ambushed." Wanda reminds you, but you can't look at her, not after what you said - or did. "He should have sent us in there with a lot more back up and you just don't care."

"I care," you tell her as you look up at her. There's a nasty bruise on her jaw that you didn't notice before, and you wonder who got close enough to touch her. "But we're here and we're fine. Next time we do a double check before trusting Fury's whole intel."

"You don't get it," Wanda says, shaking her head. "We need to look out for one another. This isn't just a job for us, and it's time you start to realize that this is not just a work team because you're part of it now."

Bucky points at Wanda, agreeing with her as he continues to glare at you.

You stay in your seat long after they're gone, thinking about Wanda's words and what they mean.

…

August, 4th

Fury takes Hudson away, and none of you have a say in the matter. He's still the master spy, the only one with the A's under his sleeve and then his other sleeve under that one.

You're not exactly new to the team, but you still struggle with the concept of seeing it as anything more than a team. 

You have to keep your head above water, always. Nothing lasts forever. You learned all that the hard way. 

You stay out of everyone's way, and the day drags on, but eventually, you're back in your room at the end of it.

…

August, 5th

You're on your way out of the Compound when you walk by her office, and you catch sight of her because her door is wide open. She doesn't make a habit of closing her office door, you've noticed. 

You shouldn't stop, the wisest thing for you to do is keep walking, but you turn around and knock softly on her door anyway. She looks up from her laptop, and her eyes are suddenly on you… 

...you swallow as you lean casually on her door frame. 

"Hey," you say, and she raises a single eyebrow at you. 

"You going out?" She points at the car keys in your hands, and you jingle them before clearing your throat. 

"Yeah, I am. There's a whole world outside of this place, you've noticed?" She smiles, and you look down.

Ridiculous, you think to yourself. You're ridiculous and a mess when you're alone with her. 

"And a lot of people have opinions too. Keep an eye out for those," she says, and you sigh. 

"Not everyone likes us, I'm okay with that." You shrug as she stands up, and you swallow with difficulty again because the way she looks steals your breath away - in a sense. 

Not that she's wearing anything particularly grand, but tight jeans and knee-high boots make her look -to put it simply- incredible. Not that you're objectifying her but God! 

"It's more than people just not liking us," she says as she runs a hand through her hair and pushes it back. "Maybe you just shouldn't go out alone."

"You worried about me?" You ask her, and you watch her cross her arms, her yellow cashmere sweater hugging her hips as she stretches it. 

"I think. You're kind of growing on me." She scrunches up her nose with her admission, and if you weren't a goner before, you think you definitely are now. 

"And it only took you a year and a half to get there," you tell her, and she laughs, and your stomach feels weird, and you feel like you can't breathe and - it's not fair. It's not fair at all. 

She's married, you remind yourself. She's off-limits and way out of your league. 

"Anyway," she says as she takes a deep breath and sinks her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "Be careful if you go out. I was gonna watch a movie, you can join me if you decide to stay."

…

It's not even a question anymore, she said the words, and you knew you weren't going anywhere. 

"Oh my god!" You exclaim when you taste the popcorn, she made before you two settled in the movie room. 

"You like?" She asks with a shit-eating grin that you can't ignore. 

"Like? This popcorn is my new religion. Wanda, this is delicious."

"Like I said, easy to please." She pops one in her mouth with a self-satisfied smile, and you - you must be a masochist to be here. 

"I'm serious. What did you put in it?" You pick one popcorn to examine, but it looks just like a regular one.

"I'm not telling you my secrets," she says with a delicate laugh, and you laugh with her. 

"Is it butter?" You ask, and she huffs and rolls her eyes playfully.

"You offend me." She teases you.

"It's some kind of seasoning, isn't it?" You ask, and she hums as she picks one movie on Netflix and presses play. 

"You've watched this?" She asks, and you catch the name of the movie on the screen as you chew slowly. 

"I haven't. Is it rosemary?"

"No, it's not. You haven't watched Mean Girls?"

"I really really haven't. Is it butter? It has to be butter."

"You already asked that. You're gonna love this movie."

"Come on." You nudge her with your shoulder, and she tries to ignore you. "If you don't tell me I'm gonna assume it's butter."

"It's not," she tells you with a laugh, and your stomach does that thing it always does when she smiles, making you feel warm from the inside out.

"It's delicious," you tell her again, and she makes a show to pop one into her mouth. 

"I know," she says with fake innocence, and you don't know what it is exactly, but you have to hold back from kissing her. 

It's torture, and it's not fair. This is exactly why you usually make a point to stay out of her hair. You two click, and it's easy to spend time together, which is why you developed this crush on her in the first place a while ago. 

It's been months since the two of you hung like this, and it's easy when Natasha is home. 

"Thank you," she says out of the blue, and you frown, too preoccupied with the shape of her lips before you look into her eyes. 

"What?" You ask, and she takes your hand, and you realize that you're sitting much closer than you thought you were. "What did I do?"

Her hand is cold and much softer than you've ever dared to imagine, and you think that if she were yours, you'd never need anything more. 

"You took a bullet for me," she says, and the memory of that exchange comes back at you fully. "Thank you. I mean it."

"Of course." You shrug, and she squeezes your hand before letting it go. 

"No one has ever done that for me," she says as an afterthought, and you're caught staring at her profile. 

"I'd take a bullet for you anytime." The line is cheesy, and she smiles, and you blush. 

"Anytime?" She teases you as you laugh at your own embarrassment. 

But her eyes pull you in, and you have to swallow all the things that you wish you could say out loud. 

Yes, you conclude, you're a masochist. She's a hammer, and you just love the way she hurts. 

"If it means you're safe? Yes, anytime."

There's a moment, or you think there's a moment when she seems to be about to say something back, but she swallows her words instead. 

You end up watching the movie in silence, both sitting on opposite sides of the couch and the bowl of popcorn forgotten in the middle. 

…

August 6th

You're in the middle of your usual workout when Wanda walks inside the gym accompanied by Daisy, both looking ready to work out. 

"Wow, you're here." Daisy smiles when she sees you, and you pick up your towel from the bench as you sit up. You were just finishing your abs routine anyway. "Abs." She adds, motioning to all of you, and you find yourself smiling as you press the towel to the back of your neck. 

"Sorry, I'm not usually this awkward. I promise." She rushes to explain.

"I'll take your word on that." You smile, and she blushes, visibly so. When you look at Wanda, she's staring at Daisy with a subtle frown on her forehead. 

"I'm supposed to train in here today," Daisy says conversationally, and Wanda finally looks over to you. 

She has her arms crossed over her chest, and you catch her working her jaw as if she were bothered. 

"Natasha left instructions," she says, and her accent is very prominent when she speaks. You know she slips on her accent only when she's feeling emotional, and you instantly feel bad. 

You have to stop saying things that make her uncomfortable. She's married, and you can't just go about telling her how you'd take a bullet for her again. 

"Wanna spar with me?" Daisy asks you, and the smile on her face is a little contagious, so you have no trouble returning it. 

"Let's do it." You motion for her to follow you to the mats, all the while trying not to look directly at Wanda. 

This is exactly why you kept your distance for a long while. When you're alone with her, you can't help yourself, and you always end up saying stupid things that make her uncomfortable and that are way out of line. 

You take off your shoes and work on stretching your neck and shoulders before you turn around to meet your sparring partner, but Daisy is sitting on the bench, and Wanda is waiting for you on the other end of the mats.

You swallow with difficulty but walk towards the center to meet her halfway anyway. 

"Intimidated already?" You ask Daisy. She bites her lower lip as she shakes her head, not giving anything away. 

"She can watch for now," Wanda says, her voice making you look at her instantly. 

Should you apologize? That'd be even more uncomfortable for the both of you, wouldn't it?

Before you can say anything, she comes at you, throwing a punch that you barely avoid. You look at her in surprise, and she cocks her head to the side, a smug grin appearing on her lips as she challenges you. 

It's been months since the last time you two spar together. You're practically strangers, and you're not sure of what to expect from her.

You round her, observing her fighting stance, which is much more confident than it used to be. When she comes for you again, you're ready, and it's not difficult to avoid her attacks when you're focused. 

You block her punches and roll backward away from her kicks, but you don't attack her just yet. She's relentless, though, and soon she grows irritated, and you only know it because of the crinkle that appears in her forehead without her consent. 

"Really?" She asks, annoyed when you once again roll away from her without doing anything to defend yourself.

"Someone's been practicing," you tell her, and she breaks from her stance to look at you dead in the eyes. 

"My wife insists I do," she says, and there's something in the way she says it. My wife, as if she knows with certainty what she's doing to you. 

"Your wife's taught you well," you tell her, and for a moment alone, she seems to be glaring at you.

You don't know what's happening, but the next time she attacks you, you tackle her to the ground. She gasps when her back hits the mats, the air leaving her lungs as she looks up at you in surprise. 

"There are a few things you still need to learn though." She's breathing hard, her glare making you want to flinch back where you're standing. 

You leave the gym without looking back, and it's only when you get to your room that you realize how badly you're shaking. 

Of course, she knows; you practically told her you'd die for her last night. What the hell were you thinking?

… 

August 7th

"I don't want to be alone," she says the moment you open your door. 

It's four am, and when someone knocked on your door, you never thought it'd be her. 

"Did something happen?" You ask as you rub the sleep off your eyes, and she walks inside your bedroom without waiting for an invitation. 

"I just -" She says as you turn to look at her, but she doesn't finish her sentence. 

"You okay?" You ask her because she seems nervous, as if on the edge of panic, and you don't know what to do. 

"I'm fine." She closes her eyes in frustration, and you watch as she licks her lips, and shakes her head, and doesn't seem to get her ideas straight enough to tell you what she's doing in your bedroom at four am. 

"You sure you're fine?" You ask her, and, taking a deep breath, she looks at you. 

"I know why you avoid me so much," she says, and you swallow with difficulty. 

Your back stiffens as if a bucket of ice-cold water just fell on you, and you can't look away from her eyes. 

"Of course you do." You clear your throat, refusing to overthink this. "I think I told you myself last night."

"Well, that and the little fact that you took a bullet for me." The sound of her voice is meant to be light, you can see her trying, but nothing about this is light or easy for you either way.

She's a married woman, and you've seen her and Natasha together, and you know that nothing can ever get in between them. Not that you want to either, you'd rather see her happy from the outside than hurt her in any way.

Love like that, like the one they share, is so rare to see, let alone easy to find.     

"Look, Wanda -"

"I like you." She cuts you off, and the revelation should make you elated, but it only serves to confuse you. 

"You like me." You say the words out loud, and your stomach flutters against your better judgment. "You like me?"

"I know I shouldn't and I know it's wrong." She rushes to explain. "I shouldn't have said anything."

She's panicking, and your brain is not catching up fast enough. She's about to cry, and she's about to run out when you finally react and close your door before she can make a run for it. 

"Hold on." You ask her with a gentle hand on her arm. "It's okay."

She looks troubled as if confessing this has to mean something, and you know well that it doesn't. The last thing you ever want to do is get in between her marriage, and liking isn't feelings; liking is easy to get over. 

"Is it?" She asks you, her eyes locking you in, and you'd be lying if you said that you weren't dying to kiss her but - 

"It is." You assure her with a smile that you hope is calming. "Look, we're attractive. Attraction happens, it's human but it doesn't have to mean anything." 

For a moment, your words hang in the air, and then she chuckles, and you can breathe easily again. As stupid as that was to say you accomplished what you wanted, she's laughing, and things are not yet awkward. 

"You know," she says, and when she licks her lips again, you can't help but feel thirsty, and you know how absolutely ridiculous that sounds in your own head. "That actually helps. You're right."

"So you're good now?" You ask her with a smile, still trying to get past this. "You're not freaking out anymore?"

"Stop that," she says, but the smile on her lips is gorgeous, and you know you want nothing more out of life. "I wasn't freaking out. Maybe a little. I'm fine now."

"That's good." You nod while you hold her stare, and while her eyes flicker, she licks her lips, and you know there's something else she wants to say. 

"I'm gonna go," she says with the enthusiasm of someone who definitely wants to stay. 

"Okay." You nod, but she doesn't move, and neither do you. 

You want, and you want, and the way she looks at you makes you believe that maybe she wants the same thing. 

"I was jealous," she says out of the blue, and you frown in confusion. 

"What?" 

"Daisy likes you and she's not subtle at all, and I was jealous. I have no right to be, I know, but I was jealous because she didn't have to hide it."

She leaves, and you stand exactly where she left you for a long while, not being able to move or think past her last sentences. 

You can't sleep after she leaves, and you don't see her at all for the rest of the day. 

…

August 8th

Entering Tony's lab, you realize that you aren't the only one he called in here. 

"Have you ever heard of the word punctuality?" He asks you, and you head right over to him to plant a loud kiss on his cheek. 

"You need to shave," you tell him, and you can hear Sam softly laughing. 

"You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago," Tony says, completely ignoring your suggestion as you move closer to the small lounge area he has in his lab. 

"I was in the gym when your text came in. I wasn't gonna come in all sweaty and gross."

"What's wrong with being sweaty and gross?" Bucky asks as he walks in too. 

"Have you ever heard of the word punctuality?" Tony asks him, and you and Sam laugh out loud, while Bucky just shrugs, offering no excuse whatsoever. 

"What's this all about anyway?" Sam asks Tony, and you finally take a look to where Wanda has been sitting in complete silence since you walked in. 

You go over to her and take the empty seat next to hers, and the old leather couch cracks loudly under your weight, which makes her smile as she looks at you.

"That was totally this old thing," you tell her, and she tucks her hair behind an ear as she looks away, nodding her head. 

"Don't worry," she says, and Tony clears his throat rather loudly. 

He launches into a detailed explanation about the technology he uses to power your suits and special gadgets, but you hear none of it. 

No, you're too preoccupied staring at Wanda and thinking about the last thing she told you. 

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind, to say the least, and you're certain of one thing only, you don't want to lose her friendship. This is enough. Being her friend is enough, but not seeing her completely will devastate you. 

"What?" She asks you with a tone meant to be exasperated, but the small smile on her lips doesn't fool you. 

"I didn't see you yesterday," you tell her, and she looks at her lap. She's troubled, and you can see it clearly. 

"You missed me?" She asks you after a beat, a cute grin pulling at the corners of her lips as she looks at you. 

"Yeah." You nod, your eyes falling to her lips for a second. "Always."

"Excuse me?" Tony's annoyed voice reaches your ears, and you look at him. "Did you listen to a thing I just said?"

"You updated our uniforms, starboy. We have to take care of them. We all hear you."

The boys laugh, and Wanda hides her smile behind her hand as Tony glares daggers at you. 

"You're not funny," he tells you, and you blow him a kiss. 

"Then why is everyone else laughing?" You ask him, and he rolls his eyes at you. 

"We were listening," Wanda tells him, and his glare turns to her. "You updated our uniforms and the communications line now has a wider range."

"They do have a wider range." He points the pen he's holding at her, and he goes back to explain the details that none of you can actually understand. Well, maybe Sam can, a little. 

After what feels like an eternity and you've all tried the new gadgets, you walk out of his lab. 

"Hey, wanna grab lunch?" You ask Wanda as the boys walk ahead of you. She hesitates for a second, but then she nods her head, and you go to the elevator. 

She's quiet in the elevator ride towards the garage, uncharacteristically so. But you watch her through the mirror wall, and she's looking down at the floor, her fingers playing with each other as if to consciously avoid meeting your stare. 

You don't know what goes through her mind, and you don't attempt to know either. You can do this, and nothing has to change. 

She knows about your feelings, and although she confessed to being physically attracted to you, nothing has to change. Wanting her and loving her is enough. 

She doesn't look at you when you walk the small path towards your car, not even when you get in first. She's nervous and conflicted. 

"Get in," you tell her softly, and the moment she meets your gaze - something changes.

She smiles softly at you, and she drops her hands, and you watch her take a deep breath and surround the car to get in the passenger seat. 

It's unfair how beautiful she is; it truly is torture for you. You're not able to look away as she walks, as she smiles, as she just - exists. 

You take her to a little restaurant a couple of miles south of the Compound that you frequent. She hasn't been in, and when you order two of your favorites, the smile on her face returns, truly returns. 

She's all smiles as you talk and talk, and she listens with a smile that does inexplicable things to you. 

You could watch her smile from afar, and you know it'd be enough. 

By the time you're driving back home, she's telling you about a new recipe she wants to try, and when you say goodbye, you might be a little more in love with her. 

…

August 9th

You're walking by the kitchen when you catch sight of Wanda dancing softly by the stove. She must think there's no one around because she's bobbing her head and holding a wooden spoon to her mouth as if it were a microphone and you're positively smitten by her. 

The mere image that should be embarrassing only manages to endear her to you, and you can't help but walk towards her. 

You recognize the song playing softly through the speakers the closer you get, and when she sees you, she jumps backward, her cheeks tainted red and a gasp leaving her parted lips. 

There's a moment when you're about to burst out laughing, and she's looking at you in horror that you'll make fun of her, but then the chorus to 'Living on a prayer,’ comes up, and both of you sing loudly to it. 

You dance around her, and she follows you with a smile on her face as you both sing, and dance and when the song ends, she's laughing, and you are too. 

"We should totally host a karaoke night," you tell her, and her smile, God! Her smile makes your heart flutter, and you don't know how to breathe properly. 

"Yeah, that was fun." She nods as her eyes drop to your lips for a moment. 

You can't breathe because you could have this kind of fun all the time if you had only met her before Natasha did. 

But you didn't, and you have no right to be thinking like this, none. You can daydream about kissing her, but you can't feel like this; it's not fair. 

But then she kisses you, and you're not prepared at all. 

The sudden touch of her lips against yours makes you flinch back, and she's looking just as scared as you feel. 

A moment passes, and she doesn't look away from you, so when you lean towards her, she meets you halfway. 

You kiss her, and a tidal wave of emotions travels through your body, making your lungs feel tight, and your hands begin to shake as they grip her waist. She pulls you closer, her hands on your nape pulls and pulls until you're pressing her body between the counter and yours. 

You've heard about the clichés and even experienced one or two yourself, but you've never experienced them all at the same time. 

When Wanda parts her lips and your tongues meet in a deeper and more sensual kiss, fireworks erupt behind your eyelids, your stomach begins to flutter, and you can hear a light song playing softly just for you to hear. Everything is there, every single cliché, and everything else disappears. 

Suddenly it's just the two of you alone in a world where no one can come in and bother you, nothing else exists, and it's a scary sensation but passionate too. It's exciting and sweet. 

It's a perfect kiss. 

And you realize that wanting won't be enough after this moment. 

When you pull back to get some much-needed air, her eyes are still closed, and you're not sure how you're going to be able to move on from this. 

She makes the choice for both of you, though. She pushes you away, lightly and then she practically runs out of the kitchen. 

You stand there for a long while, just thinking and still feeling the imprint of her lips on yours, but eventually, you turn off the stove and leave too. 

…

August 10th 

It's two-thirty in the morning when your phone rings, and you wake up quickly, but you don't catch the call. When you go to check who called, your phone doesn't show a missed call. 

Natasha. It's an old trick you used once before. 

"Friday," you call out as you run out of your room. Your heart is hammering inside your chest because you know this could very well be a call for help. "Stand by, I might need you to wake everyone up."

You run towards Tony's lab, but you don't find it empty. 

"Jesus Christ!" He jumps to his feet, clutching his chest and almost losing his balance when you all but barrel inside. 

"I saw an old radio here yesterday." You run towards the back, and you find it with ease. 

"Hey, what's going on?" He asks, now more worried than scared. 

"Hold on." You raise your hand as you search for the right frequency, and just like you expected, a code begins to play. "Get me a piece of paper and a pen."

"What's going on?" He raises his voice but gets you what you need. 

The message is on repeat, so you listen and write down, and when you finally read the whole message, the air returns to your lungs, and you take in a deep breath. 

"Well?" Tony practically screams when you sit down on the floor. 

"That woman is insane." You point the pen at him, and he snatches it from your hand. 

"Tell me what's going on. Now!"

"Geez. Relax, grandpa."

"Don't call me that. I swear if you don't start talking I'm gonna -"

"It was Nat." You cut him off as you stand up, and his eyes widen. "They're fine, just unable to properly communicate right now. Mission got complicated but they haven't been made, they're safe but they'll be gone for a whole month. Or so she estimates."

"You got all that from that code?" He asks, and you grin in response.

"And without any of your gadgets." You add with an impressed look, making him roll his eyes. 

"You need to inform the wife," he tells you, and your stomach sinks for a whole different reason. 

"I know."

… 

You're standing outside Wanda's bedroom, and it's almost three am. You're considering waiting till the morning to tell her all this when her door opens from within. 

"Hey," she says when she sees you standing there. 

"Hi." You look at her, and you lose track of what exactly you're doing here because she's wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt that barely touches her thighs and her legs seem to run on for days. 

She's so beautiful, unfairly so, and you're so nervous about being here with her because you can still feel the imprint of her lips on yours from the forbidden kiss you shared just hours ago. 

"Is everything alright?" She asks as she tucks her hair behind an ear shyly, probably after noticing you staring at her legs. 

"Right." You take a deep breath and focus on looking at her face. "Nat sent a message."

"What did she say?" She rushes to ask you and all awkwardness disappears, and she's Natasha's wife. 

"They're okay but they can't communicate properly. They're safe and they won't be back for at least a whole month."

"She's safe?" She asks with a subtle nod of her head as if to reassure herself. 

"She's safe." You still answer because it looks like she needs to hear it.

You're intently observing her, so you notice the exact moment in which she remembers you, and her eyes widen. You think she considers apologizing, but you both know that she has nothing to apologize to you for. 

"I'm gonna go," you tell her, but she grabs your arm before you can turn around.

"Wait," she says. "Stay for a bit. Let's talk."

It's only when you're sitting in one of the three couches inside that you realize that you'll never be able to tell her no. Not that you mind at the moment, but you do find yourself thinking that maybe that's a dangerous trait to have with her, especially since she's a married woman.  

You watch her pouring wine in two tall glasses in silence, perhaps considering what she should say and do, and you take the chance to look around a little bit. 

The room is bigger than yours, it's almost like a small one-bedroom apartment. It has a little living room area, a bar in the corner stuck with several bottles of wine and vodka, a small library to the left of the ensuite, and of course, the king-sized bed against the back wall. 

"Here." She hands you a glass, and you take an immediate sip if only to busy yourself with something. 

"You really like your chardonnay, huh?"

"You like it too," she says matter of factly, and you smile in response. "Don't deny it."

"Wine it's kind of our thing now. I do like it." You nod as she sits in front of you on the loveseat. 

She breathes in as if she's about to tell you something, but she's at a loss, and you hate to see her conflicted. 

"Wanda," you call her, and she looks up. "This doesn't have to mean anything."

"I know," she says, cutting you off. "I know it doesn't have to mean anything, but I was thinking -"

She trails off, and she's not looking at you. She's staring at the glass of wine in her hands as a small crinkle appears on her forehead. 

"I was thinking," she says again, and she looks back up. Her eyes lock you in as she rests her elbow on the armrest, and you're ridiculously entranced by her and the way she touches her lips softly, her eyes still on you. "Maybe it can mean something after all."

You're so caught up with watching her lips that it takes you a couple of seconds to register what she just said. 

"What?" You ask her, and it feels as if you were in a daze. 

She doesn't say anything for a beat, and you wait as she drinks her wine and puts her glass down before standing up and walking over to you. 

You're aware that you're practically frozen to your spot, but you don't really care about anything but her at this moment. 

When she sits next to you, she's nervous, you can easily pick up on her anxiousness, but when she takes the glass from your hands and sets it aside, her hands are barely shaking.

"Wanda." You gasp when she doesn't let go of your hand, and she moves to sit closer to you, on her side, her leg tucked under as she looks into your eyes. 

"You think it can mean something, for now?" She asks, and you lose your breath, thinking that maybe you're imagining all of this. 

But seeing into her eyes, you're more sure than ever before that you can't say no to her, not even for this, for what you believe she's asking of you. 

You nod softly but without a doubt that you want her. Whatever she wants to give, you want it. 

She smiles timidly but what she does next is the complete opposite. She's still holding your hand, and when she moves it, you're still looking into her eyes. 

She leads your hand between her legs, letting you feel the soft skin of her thighs before you realize that she's not wearing anything beneath that t-shirt. 

You quickly realize that whatever will happen between the two of you will not be pretty. The second you feel how wet she is, the thought comes to you, and you know you'll end up hurt and devastated from whatever happens. 

Still, that first touch of her makes her whimper softly and her hips back into your hand as her thighs fall open, spreading herself wide for you. And that whimper, that little breathy whimper she lets out, imprisons you. 

She's holding onto your wrist as you run your fingers down her slit, only to gather her wetness before running them back up to graze her clit, making her gasp and feel as if she can't breathe. 

Hot desire coils in your belly with the sounds she's making, and you begin to throb in your own craving to be touched back. 

She closes her eyes when she can no longer keep them on you, and you find yourself gasping for breath too. 

You quickly move, falling to the ground on your knees and taking your hand back. That makes her open her eyes in a frenzy, only to find you kneeling right in front of her. 

You pull her towards the edge, hands on her bare waist, and since she's not really wearing anything between her legs. Getting there with your mouth is not a difficult task at all. 

You kiss her thighs first, and her breathing turns erratic, her hands touch your shoulders, your hands, she pulls lightly at your hair, and you smile to yourself. 

When you finally put your mouth on her, you feel her tensing, and you take in a moment to take it all in. 

This is happening, you're really here, and this is happening. 

You lick a path down her slit before pressing your tongue against her opening, hard and bringing your tongue back up. Her hips buck, and she's gripping your hair hard, even more so when your tongue finds her clit, and you round it before sucking on it. 

She's too worked up, she was already wet when you first touched her, and it only takes you a couple of minutes to make her cum in your mouth. 

You feel it happening slowly, her body comes to a halt, and she seems to stop breathing, and these delicious tiny whimpers leave her parted lips, over and over again. 

You kiss her thighs, your hands still holding onto her waist under the t-shirt, but it only takes her a moment to pull herself back together, and then she's pulling you towards her to kiss you fully and ardently. 

She wraps her arms around you as you kiss her with bruising enthusiasm, and you push your hips between her legs, making her wrap her legs around you before standing up. 

You don't stop kissing, and she's surprisingly light to lift. You walk blindly to her bed, and when you fall on top of her in the soft mattress, she laughs as you pull back slightly. 

"You're a great kisser," she says with a glint in her eyes and raw kissed pink lips. Something about the moment makes you want to freeze it, save the look in her eyes in your memory forever. 

"Wanda," you say her name, and she kisses you again. 

This time she pulls at your sleeping shirt until you sit up and take it off completely before attaching your lips to her neck.

She moans when your hips buck against hers, and you're cupping her breasts, sucking on her neck, and pushing your hips against hers when she runs her nails down your back, scratching you lightly, and you have to pull back. 

The sensation of her nails on your back have you losing your breath. You're shivering even as she smiles at you and sits up in front of you. 

With a light push, she has you on your back, her hands pulling down your sleeping pants and panties without preamble. 

"You okay?" She asks you as she throws your clothes to the floor, and you sit up too. 

"Yes," you tell her, and although you're starting to feel like you can't breathe, you really do feel okay. 

"You sure?" She asks in a whisper as she pushes you lightly again, and she lays on top of you. 

You gasp in a breath when you feel her naked body pressing against yours. Her breasts, her belly, her legs, and her lips kissing the corner of your lips as she waits for an answer. 

"I'm sure." You nod, and she kisses you hungrily. There's no build-up for this kiss, just underrated want, and you respond in kind. 

You try to keep your eyes open as she kisses every inch of your body, and as she squeezes your breasts before taking a nipple in her mouth, you begin to believe that you might not make it out alive. 

It's a ridiculous thought, of course, but she's everything you've ever wanted, and having her do these ungodly things to you is slowly driving you insane. And when she's planting delicate kisses on your belly, her hands spreading your legs for her, you truly believe that you might pass out. 

Instead, you watch her lick a path down your navel and then her tongue disappearing between your folds, and the sensation of her wet hot breath coming in contact with your heat makes you shiver and buck your hips involuntarily. 

She chuckles lightly, her hands coming to grip your hips to keep them in place, and you feel yourself blushing. 

"I haven't even started yet." She smiles, but she doesn't let you speak before her mouth is once again in you, her tongue dipping and forcing itself inside of you. 

She's so warm, her tongue so skilled, and you find yourself cumming much faster than you ever thought you would. 

You keep your eyes closed as a tidal wave of blinding pleasure washes over you. You feel her pressing her lips on your thighs, her hands on your waist, and then she removes herself completely from you. 

You hear her bathroom door close, and you let out a deep breath. 

Not knowing what to do until she gets back, you pick up your clothes and get dressed quickly. You don't know what to do or what to think once you're fully dressed again. 

Was this a one-time thing? Is she freaking out in the bathroom? Is she waiting for you to leave? 

What does it mean?

"Hey," she says, and you haven't noticed the bathroom door opening. You didn't even see her coming out. 

"Hey," you say it back, and she's wearing a top now and a pair of sweats. 

God! She's still the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, and you're pretty sure that you're in love with her, irrevocably so, but she's still married, and you still did something wrong here. 

"Sorry, I just needed to use the bathroom." She says with an awkward smile. She's picked up her hair in a messy ponytail, and it looks like she's washed her face, and all you want to do is walk up to her and kiss her again. 

"It's okay," you tell her. "I should go anyway." You say, and she walks up to you slowly, as if she's expecting you to bolt, and she's biting her bottom lip in a way that to you is now so intimate. 

"I'm not throwing you out," she says, and before you know how to properly react, her hands are on your shoulders, running up to your neck and down again. 

Her touch has an instant effect on you, and you don't know how she does it. You don't know how she can have this much power over you, over your body, and over the way you react to her, mentally and physically. 

You feel yourself relax, the tension on your shoulders dropping with each stroke of her hands, and the doubts that were swirling in your head quiet down the longer she looks at you with her big rounded eyes. 

"You can stay. You should, actually." She says with humor, and you smile, your hands coming to rest on her waist instinctively. "You don't want me to think you regret this, don't you?"

"I don't." You shake your head. "I don't regret it."

"Good," she says. "Neither do I."

… 

[clairesvalentine]

Hello! I have a request: SFW alphabet for Kuai Liang cause he doesn't get enough attention.

sfw alphabet — kuai liang

note: i’m so sorry for disappearing!! life has been so so so hectic!! i’m back for the time being. also, i’m adding gta 5 to the games i’ll write for :) admin, i’m so sorry for the long wait! i hope you enjoy 🤍 this was really fun to do!!

warnings: none. just pure fluff 🫶🏼

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

kuai liang isn’t the most affectionate in public. he prefers to show his live through actions rather than words. while in public, he’d have a protective presence over you. if he feels like you’re in any danger, he’ll place his hand on your lower back or do whatever he can to watch over you.

however, in private he’s much more affectionate. he’ll gently place his hands on your waist if he has to pass by you. he loves placing soft kisses on any part of your body. whether it’s your shoulder or your cheek, he always wants you to feel appreciated.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

as a best friend, kuai liang is very loyal. you won’t ever have to fear that he’d betray you. if you need him, he’ll be there in an instant. he shows his appreciation by doing tasks for you, even the minor ones. he wants to show you that you can trust him.

you two always had a mutual respect for one another. after you were recruited by liu kang, he had kuai liang train you personally. the two of you grew to have a mutual respect with another. with that respect grew a romantic relationship.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

boy oh boy kuai liang absolutely enjoys cuddling, especially after a long and strenuous day. his cuddles are strong yet tender, making you feel safe in his arms.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

eventually kuai liang would like to settle down. there’s nothing more he would like than to start a family with the person he truly cares about. you guys have had conversations and it’s something that’s rather debated. you’d like to start a family, but with this war starting between his clan and bi-han’s, starting a family would now would not be the best time to do so.

kuai liang isn’t a neat freak per say, but he does tend to keep everything nice and tidy. he’s not at gordon ramsey’s level but he can cook well. he’s always willing to try something new and if he sees that you’re tired, he’ll take over while you rest.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

if kuai liang had to break things off with his partner he’d do it with utmost respect and honesty. he’d never want to hurt anyone intentionally, not if you were someone he deeply cared about. it would definitely be face to face, that way he’d be able to express himself better.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

kuai liang deeply values commitment and would not rush into marriage without being absolutely sure. after being betrayed by his bi-han, it’s hard to know when you can trust someone. you never really know who’s working on the other side.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

kuai liang is very gentle, both physically and emotionally. he understands the strength of his abilities and is always careful not to hurt you. he’d never forgive himself if he ended up harming you in any way.

emotionally, he is patient and understanding, ready to listen to you if ever need to vent or ramble about anything that’s bothering you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

kuai liang loves giving you hugs, as well as receiving them. though he mostly reserves them for special moments. his hugs are firm and comforting.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

he would wait until he is one hundred percent sure before saying "i love you." he believes in the weight of those words and wants to ensure they are said sincerely and at the right moment.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

kuai liang doesn’t get jealous that easily, but when he does he tends to do little subtle things. for instance, he’s much more affectionate in public. he’d wrap his arm around you, pulling you as close to him as possible. this usually tends to happen whenever johnny tries to shoot his shot.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

kuai liang’s kisses are tender and deliberate, full of meaning. he likes to kiss you on your forehead, lips, and your shoulders. he enjoys being kissed on the neck, finding it comforting. though he also just likes feeling your lips against his.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

kuai liang is gentle and patient with children. He treats them with respect and enjoys teaching them new things. when he’s training children, he’s stern but patient. unlike bi-han, he treats his trainees like one of his own. training with the shirai ryu is no easy task. he wants his trainees to be the best they could be. children often feel safe and valued in his presence.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

morning with kuai liang are calm and structured. he likes having a good routine and often starts the day with some light exercise or meditation. on the days he isn’t training, he enjoys quiet mornings with you, sharing a cup of tea and conversation. if you’re still asleep, he will make sure that he leaves you some breakfast.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

nights with kuai liang are relaxed and peaceful. to unwind, he likes to lay beside you and listen to you ramble for hours until he drifts off to sleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

kuai liang reveals things about himself slowly, preferring to build trust over time. he believes in sharing when the moment feels right. with bi-han betraying him and tomas, it's a bit hard to trust people. the fear of people ultimately betraying him in the end hits hard for him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

kuai liang is incredibly patient. it takes a lot for you anger him. however, his patience starts to run thin if he feels as if you're drawing at straws just to argue with him. even then, he'd never yell at you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

kuai liang is not one to forget anything about you. he wants you to know how much he appreciates you. from remembering your birthday to how you like your coffee in the morning. you are his person, he'd do anything to make you happy.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

his favorite moment with you would most likely be a quiet, intimate time spent together. one of this favorite moments with you would have to be when he took you to watch the sunset. it was your all time wish and he just had to grant it for you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

kuai liang is very protective, always looking out for his partner’s safety. with this war going on between his clan and bi-han's new one, he has to ensure that you're safe. whether it's by having you in his sight or by having tomas accompany you, he wants to ensure that you're okay. however, in the off chance that something does happen to you, he will most definitely go after the person to hurt you. for kuai liang, he appreciates being protected emotionally, knowing his partner has his back. loyalty is definitely a big one for him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

kuai liang puts a lot of effort into everything he does, especially when it comes to his partner. dates, anniversaries, and gifts are planned thoughtfully. he pays a bunch of attention to what his partner likes and values.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

though he does try his best to spend his time with you, he does get involved with his work too heavily. with the war against his brother, he has to train his clan to be ready for anything. another one of his "ugly" traits would be his tendency to internalize his stress and emotions, sometimes making it hard for him to open up when he’s struggling. he might also be overly critical of himself.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

kuai liang is moderately concerned with his appearance. he believes in presenting himself well but he doesn’t obsess over it too much. his main focus is on being disciplined and maintaining his physical condition.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

ABSOLUTELY!! you are his entire world. you bring a different kind of balance in his life. without you, he doesn't have that structure or balance.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

kuai liang knows how to play the flute. that's it. that's the tweet. like c'mon!! this man has some musical bone in his body, i'm telling you rn

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

he HATES dishonesty and betrayal. in a partner, he values integrity, kindness, and loyalty. he can't be in a relationship where he doesn't trust his partner.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

kuai liang is a light sleeper and often wakes up early. in case of an attack, he has to be up and ready to fight. he prefers to sleep on his back or side.

[imaginewoso]

Come Back...Be Here - Leah Williamson

i’m sorry i’ve been gone for so long. life makes an awful habit of getting in the way sometimes.

i was listening to Come Back...Be Here (Taylor’s Version) as one does and this kinda just happened. Flashbacks in italics. Hope you like it.  

Leah would tell anyone who asked that she was fine. She had captained the Lionesses to a European Championship, Arsenal was sitting comfortably at the top of the table, and she was on the cover of British GQ. Leah was fine, great even…until she saw you, camera in hand, looking as beautiful as you did the day she first met you; as beautiful as you did the day she fell in love with you; as beautiful as you did the day you left.

OR a post breakup meeting leaves Leah less than fine (though she’d be kidding herself to think she has been anything but broken since you got on that plane to New York).

“Hey, we’re here. You coming?” Keira asked, startling Leah out of her daze. When the blonde looked up, she noticed that the bus was empty save for her and her best friend, the rest of the Lionesses having begun to make their way toward the studio where their media day was being held.

“Oh, thanks mate. I didn’t realize,” the English captain responded, grabbing her bag and shuffling toward the exit. She exhaled deeply, bracing herself for the hectic day she could only imagine was awaiting her. She hated media days. Though hard to believe, she didn’t like taking photos- not anymore.

Leah was nearly out the bus door when she felt Keira grab her arm gently. The blonde defender turned around expecting to see the midfielder smirking at her, a quip about her spaced-out state at the tip of her tongue. Instead, Leah turned to find Keira with a concerned look on her face.

“Leah, are you okay?” she muttered, worry clear in her voice. This was not the first time Keira had spoken those words. The question had become a common pillar in their friendship over the last two years.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. Long day, you know. We should get out there, the others are probably waiting,” Leah affirmed before hastily making her way toward the studio doors and heading to the changing rooms to join her teammates. Keira followed closely behind but did not get far before smashing straight into the blonde captain’s back.

“Leah, what are you doing?” she asked. But the defender did not give a response. Instead, she stood frozen, gaze fixed on the group of photographers setting up in the distance.

Keira turned to see what her best friend was staring at and let out a gasp.

Before she could even think to turn toward the blonde, Leah bolted.

******

Leah was buzzing. Heading into the winter break with four straight wins and no goals conceded was exactly what Arsenal needed after the less than ideal start to the 2017 season.

The smile had not left the blonde’s face since the final whistle. It stayed with her all the way home, while she slept, and now, the following day, as she walked alone through the holiday market. She had a couple of days to herself to relax and recharge before the festivities with her family began and she was going to take full advantage of them.

Leah took in her surroundings as she walked. She was completely enraptured with the lights and music and the smell of hot chocolate wafting through the market. So much so that she didn’t notice you standing in front of her looking down at the camera in your hand. It was only when she bumped into you that she was taken out of her daze.

The blonde heard the quiet “ouch” before she even processed what had happened.

“Oh my god, are you--” Leah began but her breath caught in her throat when she looked down.

Sprawled out on the floor looking confused at what had just happened was the most beautiful woman Leah had ever seen. You looked up at the blonde, and then, with wide-eyes, down to your side where your very expensive camera lay upside down in the snow. You quickly picked it up, inspecting it to see if there were any cracks on the lens or screen. When you were satisfied that it wasn’t broken, you began to get up off the ground.

Leah finally snapped out of her trance and offered you her hand. Sparks shot up her arm, even through her mittens, when you grabbed on to pull yourself up. “I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going, it’s just the market is my favourite place and I was staring at that hot cocoa cart and was trying to decide if I should get some and I --”

Your giggles cut off the nervous blonde’s rambling. “That’s alright, my fault. I shouldn’t have been looking down,” you replied sincerely.

The defender cleared her throat and looked at the camera. She rubbed the back of her neck nervously before she tentatively asked, “it’s not broken, is it?”

“Nah, it’s like I never dropped it, don’t worry about it,” you replied reassuringly, giving Leah a smile that had her absolutely melting despite the cold in the air.

“I’m Y/N,” you finally introduced yourself once you realized the blonde in front of you needed a little bit of a push.

“Y/N” the footballer whispered. When the blonde saw your eyebrows lift slightly, she realized she hadn’t introduced herself. “Leah” she blurted hastily; cheeks red from more than just the cold.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Leah. How about we go get you some of that hot cocoa that’s got you bumping into strangers, huh?” you teased before grabbing onto Leah’s arm and dragging her toward the cart.

******

It took Keira only ten minutes before she found her best friend, sitting in a broom closet, tears streaming down her face.

“What is she doing here? I was fine. I was doing more than fine. Thriving even,” Leah sputtered out in between sobs. Her hands covered her eyes as she tried to physically stop herself from crying.

“Leah, you weren’t fine,” Keira whispered, sitting on the floor beside her friend and throwing an arm around her back. “You haven’t been fine since she left.”

“I’ve been doing great. We, we won the fucking Euros for Christ sake,” she tried unsuccessfully to convince herself.

“Leah, I haven’t seen you genuinely smile in two years apart from when we won the Euros. And even then, you were holding back. It’s like you were looking for her in the crowd every chance you got, waiting for her to appear,” the midfielder said gently.

The blonde fell silent for a moment, taking in what Keira was saying. “God, I’m so pathetic, it’s been two years,” she sighed, finally admitting to herself and her best friend that she wasn’t fine.

“Oh mate, you’re not pathetic. We all saw how the two of you were together. I’ve never seen two people more in love. It’s normal to cry after seeing her for the first time since then,” Keira comforted, fixing the blonde’s out of place hairs.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” she whispered to her best friend. “I don’t know if can talk to her,” the blonde finished with a sigh.

“From the looks of it, she’s manning one of the stations so avoiding her doesn’t seem like it’s an option,” Keira said, squeezing one of Leah’s hands in comfort.

“What if I break down before I even say a word. Or worse, kiss her the second she looks into my eyes? Every scenario is a bad one,” Leah whined.

Keira giggled. “Yeah, maybe avoid the kissing right away, might throw her off. Though I do get the urge, she does look great,” the midfielder teased, earning a push to her chest and a glare from her friend— she always had been the jealous type when it came to you.

“She was your friend before you two dated, try to remember how you spoke to her then. Who knows, maybe this will be the closure you need, or the start of something new,” Keira mumbled the last part to herself as she stood up.

“Come on,” she offered a hand to the Lioness captain and pulled her up. “Let’s fix that makeup of yours, you look like a raccoon,” she joked, drawing a small smile from the blonde.

******

“This is so beautiful,” you heard Leah state softly as you got her a glass of water in the kitchen. The two of you hadn’t left one another’s side all that much since meeting but this was her first time in your apartment and she was admiring the artwork on your living room walls.

“Thank you,” you replied, putting her glass down before settling on the sofa, watching her admire a photograph of a busy London coffee shop.

“It’s like I’m sitting right there with them almost. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like I can hear them chattering, and like I can smell the coffee they’re drinking,” she whispered in awe.

“Thanks. That’s what I was hoping for,” you smiled at her.

“You took this!?” She exclaimed, turning away from the frame and toward you for the first time since you entered the room.

“Yeah, it was part of my first year portfolio” you answered.

“Y/N it’s incredible, you’re incredible,” she gushed. You looked down, cheeks red from her compliment.

“You should open a gallery. Is that what photographers do? I’d come to your gallery,” she continued.

You cleared your throat and looked at her. “That’s the dream. Maybe one day,” you said wistfully.

“Can I see some of your other work maybe?” Leah asked tentatively, unsure if you two were at that point in your friendship yet.

“Absolutely,” you replied before pulling out a big book off your shelf which housed some of your photographs from your first two years in school. She flipped through each page, admiring every photo she came across.

“Think you can make me look that good?” She joked as she pointed to a photo of your best friend who had been your model for one of your assignments.

“Please, like you need me to help you look good,” you answered before you realized what you said. “Actually, I’ve got another project due soon and could use a model if you’re up for it,” you rushed out hoping to distract from your comment on her beauty.

“I’d love to be one of your models,” she said bashfully, smiling widely at you.

******

You stood at the back station, camera in hand. Leah took a deep breath and before she even realized what she was doing, her feet took her forward, Keira’s voice at the back of her mind. She was just gonna bite the bullet so they could move on with the day.

You were speaking to a couple of other photographers, seemingly giving out last minute instructions to the individuals who would be in charge of the other media stations — if the lanyards around their necks were any indication. She waited until you finished your speech and for the group to slowly disperse before she approached you. With your back toward her, she had a second to take a breath and prepare herself for the moment she had been waiting for for two years. She knew she didn’t have long though. You always did have a knack for feeling her before seeing her.

Just as expected, you stiffened slightly as she approached. You waited a beat, exhaling before you turned around. Your breath hitched the second your eyes met Leah’s. You knew you’d run into her at some point, it was inevitable, but you thought you’d have slightly more time to prepare yourself.

“Hi,” the blonde breathed out, eyes moving across your face, committing any differences she could find to her memory.

You had changed slightly since she last saw you. Your hair was touches lighter (you always did say you wanted to dye it), eyes a little dimmer (yet still her favourite shade of Y/E/C she had ever seen), but the small smile on your lips was just as beautiful as she remembered it.

“Hi,” you rasped back, doing the same thing, raking your eyes over her face before eventually down to her outfit. You couldn’t stop yourself from taking in the way her blue tracksuit fit (it always was your favourite colour on her, it brought out the blue in her eyes).

You realized what you were doing, and your eyes snapped back to her face. Any hope you had that she hadn’t noticed was gone the second you saw a tint of red covering her cheeks and a small smirk playing at her lips. Oops (you were only human).

“What, what are you doing here?” Leah stuttered after she finally recovered from having your eyes on her. She cursed herself for her delivery. Two years and that’s the best she could do. At least she wasn’t crying.

You lifted the camera in your hands and waved it around, “filling in for a friend. She had a last-minute emergency. I owed her a favour, so here I am.”

“Right, yeah, duh,” she replied. Of course, you were here for work, and nothing else. Her stomach churned as she wondered if the friend you were helping was just that and not someone more. It wasn’t any of her business though. Not anymore.

“I’d ask why you’re here but well, it wouldn’t be a Lioness media day without Captain Williamson, huh?” You teased. Leah’s heart fluttered. “It’s nice to see you, Leah,” you continued softly.

“It’s nice to see you too, Y/N,” she whispered. “How have you been, how is New York? The gallery?” she asked, swallowing loudly as soon as the question left her lips. It was still a sore spot.

“It’s lovely, everything I’ve dreamed of really. People seem to enjoy it,” you responded. Leah nodded with a small smile on her face. For as much as it hurt, she was glad to hear it from you that you had been doing well. She was well aware how successful your gallery in New York was (though she’d never admit it, too embarassed by the number of times she’d google your name when she couldn’t sleep at night, consumed by her heartbreak). “Of course they do, you’re the most talented photographer I know. Congratulations Y/N,” she replied.

“I think congratulations are in order for you too. Captaining your team to a Euros win at 25, Lee that is absolutely incredible.” Her heart fluttered once again, this time at the nickname she hadn’t heard in years (she nearly kicked a ball straight at Beth’s head the first and last time the forward called her that post your departure).

“Thank you, it’s been a pretty wild year. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real,” Leah responded, looking down at her feet shyly.

“I imagine. Euros, top of the table with Arsenal, GQ. Lots to celebrate,” you gushed before you could stop yourself. You never really could contain how proud you were of her during your relationship, that was unlikely to change.

Leah looked up, eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face. “You’re keeping up with my career?” she teased, finally gaining some of that confidence that you’d always loved, your words fuelling her. Maybe she wasn’t the only one doing the googling.

“Hard not to. I’ve been in London for two days and the Euros posters seem to be everywhere,” you feigned annoyance trying to brush passed your obvious slip up.  You were secretly proud that your voice hadn’t wavered (and revealed that you definitely had been keeping up with her career long before you arrived in your old hometown).

“And Arsenal?” she asked. Okay maybe you hadn’t been as convincing as you’d thought.

“My sister loves football, you know that. Texts me the table every Sunday.”

“And GQ?” she pushes, the smirk on her face growing.

“It’s my job, Leah. Magazine photoshoots are basically my homework,” you say, this time the lie clear as day.

Now her smile was wide. “And? What did you think? In your professional opinion, of course.”

“Stunning. They did a great job capturing your personality,” you replied earnestly after a beat.

“And your personal one?” she chanced, biting her lip the second she asked. She was definitely playing with fire but she never could help herself around you.

You paused, thinking of how to respond without revealing just how much the photoshoot had ruined you when it appeared on your feed.

“I thought you look—” but before she could finish, your familiar banter was cut off by a series of squeals.

In an instant, what felt like the entire Lionesses squad surrounded the two of you.

******

After a couple of weeks, Leah had finally convinced you to go to watch an Arsenal game. The two of you had been hanging out any time you were both free, but you hadn’t yet made your way to Meadow Park. Not for lack of trying but you were in your final year of school which meant putting together your portfolio took up most of your days.

“Who’s caught your eye, mate?” Beth asked Leah who seemed to be staring into the crowd every other minute while they warmed up.

“Huh? Oh nobody, just checking to see if Y/N found her seat okay that’s all,” Leah replied, once again looking at where you were meant to be seated.

“Your girlfriend finally came to watch us?” Beth gasped, taking at peak at where Leah kept glancing to try and get a look at the woman from the market that her friend had been telling them about for months.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Leah grumbled for what felt like hundredth time. You weren’t dating. You were just two friends who happened to talk every day and hangout all the time and hold hands (but only in a friend kind of way). And yeah, maybe sometimes she got butterflies when you looked at her, and she couldn’t get you off your mind, and really she only spoke about you so much because you were the most talented person she ever met. It was totally normal for friends to act like that (she justified to herself).

It was only once the game started that Leah spotted you in the crowd, her red Arsenal jersey adorning your body and a small camera around your neck. The blonde’s heart soared at the sight of you sitting in the reserved family section.

“Let’s go, Williamson,” Beth snapped Leah out of her trance and dragged her toward the huddle. “Concentrate, you want to impress your girl, don’t you?" she teased.

“She’s not my—” Leah started before being interrupted. “Yeah yeah, not your girl, sure sure. Regardless, let’s put on a good show for her, yeah?” Beth stated.

“Yeah.” And put on a show they did, beating Tottenham 5-0, Leah scoring a header in the second half which you could not shut up about the minute she exited the locker rooms.

“Oh my gosh, that was incredible, Lee. You were fantastic. You run so fast, and that header was perfect,” you gushed, pulling Leah into a hug which she was grateful for because that meant you couldn’t see her skin turn the same shade of red as the jersey you were wearing.

“Thank you,” she whispered into your neck before you heard someone clear their throat. When you separated, her teammates were beside you, eager to meet the woman who was taking up so much of their friend’s time.

“Y/N, nice to finally meet you. We thought Leah was making you up,” Beth said, clapping her hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“Yeah, Leah has not shut up about you since you two met. It’s nice to put a face to the name,” Jordan revealed. “That is so not true,” the blonde muttered and looked down.

You looked at Leah and smiled before turning to the rest of the team and introducing yourself, saving her the embarassment and changing the subject (more for fear that they’d catch on to your obvious swooning).

******

“Y/N! What are doing in London?”

“Why didn’t you tell us you were gonna be our photographer?”

“Oh my gosh you finally dyed your hair.”

You were bombarded with a series of questions and did your best to answer all of them, happy to see the group of women in front of you.

Leah couldn’t stop staring at you as you interacted with her teammates. She wasn’t the only one who lost someone when you got on that plane to New York. You had become an important part of her friend group throughout your three-year relationship with the blonde, having come to both club and country games. She really couldn’t fault them for being excited to see you (but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a little ticked off that they had burst the bubble the two of you had been in moments earlier).

“You okay?” Leah heard before she felt Keira’s comforting hand on her arm. The other girls knew Leah had been sad when the two of you had ended your relationship (anybody would be). But only Keira really saw just how heartbroken the split had left their captain. The midfielder had never heard her best friend sob like she did that first month of your breakup.

Leah looked to Keira and nodded but her eyes told a different story. The joy (relief almost) of seeing you was still present, but the pain of you being so close but not hers was finally catching up. She swallowed hard and looked away. If she looked at her best friend any longer, she’d cry again and she couldn’t do that in front of all these people.

Luckily, Sarina appeared and told everyone it was time to get their hair and makeup done before starting the photos. The Lionesses shuffled toward their seats, waving at you with promises of ‘see you later.’ Keira stayed beside the blonde but when she realized Leah wasn’t moving because she wanted to talk to you, she patted her friend’s elbow and left you two alone to talk after giving you a quick hug.

“You’re in charge of video or photos?” Leah asked.

“I get the honour of individual photos. Easy stuff for me today,” you replied, happy to have escaped the group photo and video stations—you knew how rowdy they could get.

“So I’ll see you later then?” The blonde asked hopefully.

“I imagine the captain can’t escape individual photos. Might actually be seeing more of you than the others,” you giggled nervously.

“Okay,” she breathed out.

“Okay,” you repeated. “I’ll see you, have fun Leah,” you said kindly, squeezing her arm before being called over by a fellow photographer.

Leah stared at you as you walked away, arm on fire where you had touched her for the first time in so long. She took a deep breath to calm her beating heart. When it didn’t work, she sighed and made her way toward her hair and makeup seat with one last look your way. This was going to be a long day.

******

“Come on Y/N, you can do it, I believe in you,” Leah shouted from her spot in goal. She had forced you to get on the pitch with her at the park near her home on one of the rare days the two of you both had off. Now personally, you would rather not be here embarrassing yourself with your severe lack of coordination and clumsiness. But Leah had asked, with her low voice and piercing eyes and well who were you to say no, really?

“I can’t, Lee. I’m not made for sports, I’m made for the arts,” you groaned dramitcally as the ball rolled to the far left of the goal post for the sixth time in a row.

“It’s because you’re hitting the ball with the wrong part of your foot. You have to hit the laces not the toes,” the blonde offered, trying to be helpful.

“I thought I was doing that,” you sighed, frustrated that you couldn’t get it.

“No, you’re definitely all toe,” Leah spoke softly as she left the net and approached you. “You have to angle it,” she tried again but when you gave her a blank stare, she took a hold of your foot and positioned it perfectly under the ball.

Your breath hitched as she stood up and was much closer than she had been a minute ago. She cleared her throat before getting next to you. “Now, back up a couple of steps, look exactly where you want the ball to end up and hit it with the laces, exactly where I put your foot.”

You took a deep breath and did exactly as Leah told you. The ball flew through the air and hit the net.

“Oh my god, I did it, Lee did you see that!? It was perfect. It went straight in,” you exclaimed, and Leah giggled at your excitement.

“You’re practically a pro, you’ll be on the team in no time,” she joked.

“Okay, that was exhausting. My turn in net. You take some shots,” you said while making your way to where Leah had just been.

“I don’t know that that’s a great idea,” she cautioned, scared you’d get hurt.

“Nonsense. Just don’t send a bullet and I’ll be fine,” you reassured her. But you were definitely wrong. Because though you didn’t have to worry about Leah hitting you with the ball (she’d never actually shoot hard) you did have to worry about your own clumsiness. When you moved to the right to try and save a shot, you tripped over your foot and landed on your knee. The blood was instant really.

The two of you rushed to Leah’s house around the block and went straight to the bathroom to clean up the little cut which had surprising let out a lot of blood.

She knelt in front of you and cleaned it up with gentle hands, tongue darting out as she concentrated on trying not to hurt you.

Once the band aid was on, she looked up at you and saw you staring at her with an unreadable expression on your face.

“What?” she questioned, which snapped you out of your thoughts of the woman in front of you. For someone so stoic on the field, she really was so gentle.

“No kiss to make it better?” You teased, brow raised, and a smirk plastered on your face in an attempt to divert the attention away from her question before you blurted out that you were in love with her.

But you didn’t get the chuckle you were hoping for, or the push to the shoulder you had grown so accustomed to. Instead, Leah looked straight at you, eyes full of determination, and perhaps a hint of uncertainty.

Your smirk faltered slightly, “Lee are you ok—hmphh.” Soft lips met yours forcefully, cutting you off mid-sentence. The blonde’s hand grabbing your shirt. The two of you fell into a heated rhythm, months of pining on both ends culminating into this moment. After a few minutes you pulled away to catch your breath.

“You know I meant on the knee but this was definitely much better,” you whispered, eyes still closed before diving back into her.

*****

“Leah, earth to Leah,” Beth yelled across the room to their captain who had not said a single word since she sat down in the black hair and makeup chair.

A half hour had passed and Leah hadn’t been able to take her eyes off you, scared that if she did you’d disappear and she’d never see you again.

Jordan, who was sitting on Leah’s left, elbowed the distracted woman lightly, trying her best to bring her attention to Beth, if only to stop the loudness.

“Beth, stop yelling,” Leah deadpanned, finally turning her attention to her teammate.

“How was your conversation with Y/N? From the looks of it there was definitely lots of flirting,” Beth teased just as she always had when it come to you and the blonde.

“We weren’t flirting.”

“You sure? I saw that lip bite and all the checking out. Thinking of making a move, mate?” She continued, despite Keira’s mumbled, “Beth, stop,” the second the words left her mouth.

Leah glared. “It’s not like that. We were just catching up,” she argued.

“You sure? Because you haven’t stopped looking at her since you sat down,” Beth pushed.

“I’m just trying to see what the set up is for when I have to go up there,” Leah bit back.

“Mhmm, yeah I’m sure. Well, better prepare yourself, she’s coming this way,” Beth practically sang.

“That’s not funny. I’m obviously not going to fall for that,” Leah spat out only to feel a hand gently hand on her shouder. Her head turned sharply at the contact, forcing you to immediately let go of her.

“Hey guys, I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’ve got to get this rolling. I don’t mind what order you do it in, just make sure you each hit all the stations. Pictures are gonna be in the home and away kits but we also have to get some with the new sports bras. Good?” You commanded more than asked the room of Lionesses, falling into your role as head photographer. Once you received nods, you made your way over to your station in the back corner to prep for whoever decided to join you first.

“You’re drooling,” Beth pretended to wipe Leah’s mouth before making her way over to your station, smirk firmly in place.

“Come on, Leah, let’s get the videos out of the way,” Keira said, dragging the blonde in the opposite direction.

*****

“We’re nearly done, then we can cuddle and watch Lord of the Rings all night if you’d like,” you promised.

Leah had agreed to model for you for a project you were working on, partly inspired by her, highlighting women in their fields. You had already finished all the other portraits, saving what you thought would be the easiest for last.

This is how you ended up in a rented studio, Leah in her kit, and and a football at her feet.

You needed this to be perfect. You needed to make sure you got the perfect shot. It was your first project post graduation and you knew it needed to be exceptional. Which is why you had been here for the past three hours.

“Babe, is it something I’m doing?” She questioned, exhaustion clear in her voice.

“No, god no you’re perfect. It’s just missing something but I can’t tell what,” you sighed.

“Can I make a suggestion?” she asked.

“Please do.”

“It’s because I’m alone,” she started. You stared at her, eyebrow raised in question. “It’s a team sport, it feels weird because I’m alone and I shouldn’t be because nothing I do is ever alone. There’s always another player or opponent their guiding me,” she finished.

You were silent for a moment.

“Y/N?”

“You’re brilliant. You’re absolutely right. Do you think we can get some of your teammates on board?” you questioned, your mind already racing with ideas of how you could incorporate the other women.

“Of course, I’m sure they’d be super into,” she giggled, already picturing the mayhem that would ensue. She moved right in front of you, pulling your attention away from the ideas in your head. You moved the hair out of her face and behind her ear. You stood there for a moment, admiring her beauty.

“What?” she asked, wrapping her arms around your shoulders.

“I love you, thank you,” you whispered softly, your eyes full of love. Leah smiled wide before pulling you into a kiss.

“I love you too,” she murmured against your lips before stepping back. “Now let’s wrap this up, I was promised cuddles and intend to hold you to it,” she said with a wink.

*****

Leah had put it off for as long as she could but the day was coming to an end soon and she only had your station left.

She had been sneaking glances at you working all day— while she waited at each photo station, during lunch, between video set ups. She saw you working with each Lioness, catching up with old friends and getting to know the new girls on the squad. Each woman left your station smiling after you had shown them the photos.

Tentatively, Leah approached you as you were going through the photos from the day, noting the edits that needed to be done as you waited for whoever was left (you knew it was Leah, you had been waiting all day, slightly disappointed anytime someone new joined you and it wasn’t your favourite blonde). You turned toward her as she peaked at the screen over your shoulder.

“Those look incredible,” she breathed out, in awe of your talent.

“Thanks, Lee” you blushed, both at her words and proximity.

“Home kit first?” She asked, already adorned in the white Nike jersey. Once you nodded she headed toward the tarp, taking a moment to fix her hair into its signature ponytail.

“Look okay?” She asked, shyly. She knew you loved her hair in a ponytail.

“Looks great but,” you paused to go and grab something on your work table before making your way toward her. “You’re missing something,” you continued, holding the captain’s armband out for her to slip her arm into.

“Ready to go, Captain?” You patted the sleeve before retreating to grab your camera (giving Leah a chance to recover and the blush on her face to subdue).

“Ready when you are.” She stated nervously, unsure how this was going to go. You hadn’t photographed her in years. But her worries were forgotten the second you started. You both fell into the familiar rhythm you had perfected by the end of your three year relationship.

“Good Leah, that’s great, love the ‘I could punch someone look’ it’s very you,” you joked, making her giggle.

“There’s that smile. Keep her there for a second, yeah?” you half-asked, half-commanded.

Leah’s giggles rang out through the studio as you continued on asking her to do various funny poses in an attempt to loosen her up. It caught the attention of her teammates who watched on, the newer call-ups surprised to see their normally stoic captain so care-free, and the older ones sharing silent looks and fond smiles at seeing remnants of the old Leah they hadn’t known in years.

“Great. I think we’ve got the home kit shot,” you told her once you were satisfied with the photos on your computer screen. “Let’s reset and get the next fit done,” you finished, finally looking up at the blonde to see that she had already lost her shirt and was standing in the new sports bra.

You gulped, eyes trailing down to her abs on full display. She cleared her throat pointedly and your eyes snapped up to her smirking face.

“I figured sports bra would be easier first,” she explained, her tone teasing but the want in her eyes— the want you were sure was a reflection of what she was seeing in your eyes— betraying her aloofness.

“Yeah, yup good call,” was all you could get out, still slightly flustered. You needed to get it together. You were a professional dammit. So, you bit your lip and snapped the photos as quickly as possible.

“Alright perfect, I think we got them. Put a shirt on, we’ll get the last ones done,” you said almost desperately.

“I don’t know that I’ve ever heard you say that to me,” she laughed as your cheeks flushed.

“Cheeky,” you mumbled good-naturedly, fidgeting with your camera settings as she changed. The away kit photos happening just as quickly now that she was more comfortable in front of your camera.

“That’s a wrap for you, Leah. Want to see them?” You asked, receiving your answer when she approached you to see your screen. You showed her the overview and accepted her praises graciously.

“I look quite fit in those ones,” she said proudly, pointing to the away kit photos.

You snorted. “Please, you look quite fit in all of em, Lee. The armband suits you,” you told her earnestly.

She stared at you, eyes flickering across your face to see if you had meant it. The want was clear in her eyes again and you gulped, this time not trying to take back the compliment. You meant it.

“Thank you,” she rasped, her eyes now trained on your lips.

“Anyway, it is my job to make you look good,” you joked, successfully clearing the heavy air. If she looked at you like that any longer you don’t know what you would do.

“Is that right?” She asked, eyebrow raised. You laughed but didn’t answer. She knew you were joking. You had always told her that she was the easiest person to take photos of, her beauty making any angle work.

“Looks like everyone’s wrapping up,” you pointed out, noticing how most of the Lionesses were heading to the changing rooms to get back into the clothes they had arrived in.

“I should probably get changed too,” she sighed, not wanting to leave you but feeling the tiredness catching up with her from the long day.

You nodded, putting some distance between the two of you and beginning to clean up your station. “I will leave you to it then.”

“Thanks Y/N, for the photos,” she said. You gave her a small smile and nod before busying yourself with cleaning up. If you didn’t do something with you hands you’d definitely try to snatch her up and keep her with you forever.

Leah looked at you longingly. She sighed slightly before turning around and heading toward her teammates. She could feel your eyes on her back the entire way.

*****

“So that’s it? You’re going?” Leah whispered, tears streaming down her face as she struggled to get the words out.

You had both been woken up by the sound of your phone ringing two nights ago. The call was from an artist in New York with a room open in their gallery and they wanted you and your pictures to take up that space. Your career had been slow to start following the completion of your degree and this was the big break you had been waiting for.

“Lee—”

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can just be okay with leaving,” she continued.

“I’m not just okay with leaving. London is my home. You’re my home. But it’s an opportunity I can’t turn down, Leah. You have to understand,” you pleaded with your girlfriend, wanting her to understand why you needed to do this.

“So stay. If I’m you’re home then don’t leave me, please,” she practically begged.

“I can’t Leah. The gallery is a dream come true.  They asked for me. They called for me. I can’t turn that away. I’ve worked so hard to be here and I can’t turn it away.”

“So you’re turning away from me instead,” the blonde whispered.

“I’m not turning away from you Leah, this doesn’t need to be the end. I don’t get why we can’t do long distance, just for a little while until I figure this out,” you begged her to hear you out.

“What, so we can end up like every single long-distance couple we know? Broken up and practically strangers,” the blonde spat out. The aggression she normally only showed on the pitch was now directed at you. “I’m not going to let us get to that point, Y/N.”

“So instead of giving us a shot, you’re deciding that we’ll just be broken up and strangers before the long distance happens. How does that make any sense,” you tried to reason.

“This isn’t my fault. You’re the one who decided to change things, not me.”

“I don’t want to break up, Leah,” you sighed, the frustration slipping out.

“No, but you want New York and I can’t be your long distance girlfriend,” Leah said, a finality to her voice that you knew meant it was the end. “I can’t Y/N, I’m sorry,” she said, bringing you into a hug as you both sobbed.

You were set to leave in 3 days. Those were the worst three days of your life. You and Leah agreed your breakup would only be official once you got on that plane. Until then, the two of you were glued to one another. She even helped with booking flights and curating the pieces you wanted to present.

But she could not help with packing, helping you back up your shared life together would hurt to much. So she watched from your bed as you packed instead, eyes watering with every piece of you that was put into a box. You stopped right before packing away her favourite of your hoodies, and you immediately handed it over to her. “It looks better on you anyway,” you murmurred, which had her crying all over again.

When the time came to leave, you hoped with everything in you that she’d change her mind and try to make the distance work. But by four in the morning when you had to leave, she hasn’t said a word.

“I love you so much, Lee,” you whispered, leaning down to give her a kiss on her forehead before leaving the bedroom, suitcase in hand.

She wanted to stop you. Wanted to tell you to come back and stay in bed with her, just for a little longer. Wanted to tell you she was wrong and that the two of you shouldn’t break up and that you could make it work. But she knew she couldn’t. Not with your busy schedules. Not when the mere thought of you across the ocean split her heart in two. She couldn’t handle it. If you weren’t together, then the distance wouldn’t feel as bad, she tried to convince herself. But as she watched you leave, she wasn’t so sure.

“I love you, Y/N” she said through sobs once she heard the front door shut.

*****

Leah was one of the last to leave the changing rooms and when she emerged she found most of the Lionesses surrounding you, bidding you goodbye.

She approached the group, catching the tail end of Jordan’s promise to send you pictures of Blu. One by one your old friends hugged you, before making their way outside toward the bus. Leah stared, wondering if she’d be able to hug you too, but not for long. Once it was the two of you alone, you turned toward her, arms open with an unsure smile on your face.

The blonde melted into the hug. She inhaled your familiar perfume and burrowed into your steady arms, trying her best to commit this to her memory. She didn’t know when she’d get the chance again. You held on just as tightly, before reluctantly letting her go and taking a step back.

Silence fell over you.

“So, when do you head back home, to New York, I mean?” Leah finally asked, dreading the answer.

“Not for a couple of days actually,” you responded, surprise evident on Leah’s face. You were never in London for longer than you needed to be—that’s what your mutual friends had told her whenever she’d catch wind of you being in the city.

“You’re visiting family?” she pried tentatively, trying to gage what was keeping you here.

“Yeah, mostly. It’s been a while since I’ve been here and I promised my nan I’d help her with some stuff around the house,” you offered and Leah smiled (her and your nan always did get on well).

“Well maybe we could get a coffee or breakfast or something, if you wanted to sometime before you help her out or even just before you leave. Maybe Monday morning. If you’re not busy, I mean,” Leah stumbled through the invite.

“I’m sorry, Leah I can’t,” you started but before you could finish she interrupted you.

“Oh, no that’s fine you probably have people to see and stuff to do. That’s totally okay,” she rushed out, heart breaking at that fact that this might be the last she sees of you for a while.

“No Leah I didn’t mean at all, I just meant I can’t Monday morning,” you reassured her.

“Oh,” the blonde Lioness squeaked out, slightly embarrassed by her ramble.

“Maybe Monday afternoon?” You asked gently. “I’m actually going to check out a gallery space and should finish up right around lunchtime.”

Leah stared at you for what felt like an eternity. Her heart beating out of her chest at your words.

“A gallery space? Here? In London?” She questioned, the gears turning in her head trying to figure out why you’d be doing that without getting her hopes up.

Putting her out of her misery, you filled in the blanks for her. “The gallery in New York is doing really well. It’s finally at a point where I don’t need to be there all the time. I trust the team enough to keep it afloat. Figured I’d look into expanding.”

“Expanding to London?” You’re moving back?” Leah asked, holding her breath.

“If this space works out then I’d be back for most of the year. I’d have to travel to New York every couple of months, but I’d be here most of my time,” you answered.

Leah exhaled, trying to keep the wide smile off of her face and failing miserably.

“I was missing home,” you added, hoping she understood what you meant.

Her (now unabashed) smile an indication she had.“Home missed you too,” she replied quickly before Keira appeared in the door.

“Leah, we’ve got to head out. The bus driver is waiting,” she called out—it was clear in her voice she didn’t want to interrupt.

“I guess I’ll see you Monday?” You asked hopefully.

“Definitely, I’ll message you. We’ll work out the details,” she was almost giddy now.

“Okay,” you bit your lip, contemplating your next move. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you got closer, up onto your toes, and kissed her right cheek. “See you, Lee,” you whispered before waving goodbye to Keira and heading back to your station to finish up.

Leah gave you one last look before making her way toward her best friend.

“You okay, mate?” the midfielder asked, eyebrows raised at the smile on the blonde’s face.

Leah nodded, eyes sparkling and smile wide. Keira knew this time she meant it.

[warmaidensrevenge]

It's not a never.

Pairings: Eddie x fem!best friend Plus size reader

A/N: Happy Sunday loves. Here I present the final part in this series. It's a bit steamy if you ask me. So ready your naughty bits. As always thanks for reading. Please feel free to share and comment your thoughts. It really gives me a boost of dopamine that I crave. So anything is awesome. Kay love ya. Byyyyyeeee.

I do not give permission for my work to be posted anywhere else. Please respect all creators. Also, all pictures and songs are from a Google search and found on Spotify. A huge thank you and credit to the original posters and artists.

Word count: 3,824

Warnings: 18+ No minors please. Angst, language, sexual implications, sexual situations, p&v, oral (both receiving), unprotected sex and mentions of alcohol use. Not proof read

Part 4: Right now

Summary: Time goes by. But feelings still remain.

The farewell was in fact unbearable. It hurt Eddie like hell. But what hurt the most was a year after. College life became hectic for you. Which caused letters and phone calls to lessen. 

Then the guys got a big break. It was a small record label with very little rapport. But it was one he had a good feeling about. They made a deal for one full album and a few shows to promote it. 

It was a very busy year that turned into two. Then three.

Before any of them knew it, they were playing sold out shows. 

Things were working out. His dreams were coming true. But he never forgot about that girl with the sweet little smile. Though it has been some time since he saw it. He was fortunate enough to see it again one summer night in that third year.

The band was performing at one of their favorite places one hot night. They loved it because it was on a rooftop. Where they could see most of the city.

Tonight though, Eddie could only focus on the pretty girl with the small smile he almost forgot if it weren't for the prom picture he kept in his wallet.

The second the set was over, he jumped off the stage and ran to you. Obviously dodging the groupies and fans asking for autographs.

You yelped when he embraced you. Surprised when he picked you up a little.

“ Oh shit! I can't believe this!” He said when he planted you back down. 

You giggled. “Hi Eddie.”

He leaned back a little and grinned like crazy. “ When did-” He was cut off by the rest of his buddies.

He took a few steps back to let everyone have their turn with you. To be honest he needed the minute to get over the shock of seeing you. 

One thing led to another and you guys went out for drinks then ended up back at their apartment.

The whole night you guys were hanging off each other. Loving glances were shared and every word you said sounded like a love spell to him. And that didn't end when it was just you two.

Everyone else went to bed and he wasn't tired at all. So why end the night? Who knows when he was gonna see you again.

“ Ehem. So Eddie?” You said, putting your half empty glass on the coffee table. “ How many times do I have to squeeze your thigh to get you to kiss me?”

He laughed nervously.

You gave him a sexy sly grin. “ Common I've been flirting with you all night.”

He cleared his throat and smirked while you moved closer to him. It was true. You were flirting. He was too. And he shouldn't have. 

You reached up to move his bangs to the side. After you rested your hand much closer to his genitals. 

He quickly put a hand on yours. Just in case you decided to touch him further. “ Ummm…” he mumbled and met your beautiful eyes.

If things were different, he wouldn't question a damn thing and take you right here and now. Maybe even on the floor and the kitchen counter. Definitely fuck you in the shower and again on his bed. But he couldn't.

He exhaled. “ I'm kinda seeing someone.”

You practically jumped back. Pulling your hand away in the process. He could see how red you were getting from embarrassment.

“ Crap! Ed- I'm…uhhhh I'm sorry. I should go.”

You stood up and without thinking he grabbed your arm and stood up too.

“ No! I mean. Please don't go.”

You looked at him and shook your head. “ No I should. I've embarrassed myself enough for a lifetime.”

You tried to go but he gently pulled you back and cupped the sides of your face. 

“ Common kid. Don't be embarrassed. I was flirting too.” He hung his head a little. “ I shouldn't have but…it's you.”

He felt your warm soft hands on his. Making him meet your eyes. 

“ Eddie I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come and -”

“ No. You did nothing wrong. It was me. I should've said I was seeing someone sooner…but seriously, don't go. I-I've missed you…So fuckin much.”

You bit your lip and nodded. “ Okay. But you have to sit on the other side of the couch.”

He dropped his hands and held onto yours. “ Yeah, or I'm gonna have to make a phone call and become single.”

Your eyes widened. “ I'm flattered, but probably don't do that.”

You both grinned at one another before returning to the couch. Talking until the sun came up.

For Eddie it was heartbreaking saying goodbye to you that next morning. You were still that funny, sweet, affectionate girl from highschool. You were still the person he could talk to for hours without a care in the world. And he remembered the love that he still had for you. 

What he learned last night was that you were so busy with school that you didn't have time to date. He also found out that college was much harder than you thought it was gonna be. So hard that you changed your major twice.

Eventually, you found something you really saw yourself doing. Career wise that is. And he was happy for you. Just like how you were happy for him and the guys. 

Still, there was still something between you two. Something he wished he could explore. Something that just flowed with you. It was as if you guys picked up from where you left off.

It irked him. It bothered him so much that he actually opened up to his girlfriend about it. 

At first she was quiet, then she got pissed. Eventually, she calmed down and broke up with him. And to be honest it didn't really affect him that much. Sure he liked her. She was fun to be around. But after talking to you, he realized he never had a decent conversation with her. It was just partying and sex mostly. 

It wasn't her fault though. It was him. He never cared to open up to anyone besides his friends. Maybe it was because he thought no one would understand or get him. Get his quirks or quips. They probably wouldn't get his music tastes or like his nerdy side. Or maybe he didn't want anyone to. Perhaps it was because he still had hope for you. Hope that was instilled in him over the best pancakes in the world.

Either way it would be another 4 years until he would see you again.

…

Jeff was getting married. To Connie, in Hawkins. Everyone was invited and Eddie, Gareth and Grant were his groomsmen. They were all his best men cuz he couldn't choose one. 

Which was such a grueling task. Helping with the wedding and planning a bachelor party took up a lot of time. 

But besides all that, Eddie was looking forward to seeing one guest. One very important guest. The pretty girl he's been corresponding to for the past four years. 

He got in touch after you left New York. And kept up contact. He didn't want to disconnect again. Lose you again.

Though nothing was ever said about getting together, he anticipated that after the wedding he was gonna leave with you. Finally getting to that right now you had mentioned seven years ago.

-

He was near the entrance of the church, saying his hellos with the rest of the wedding party when he saw you. 

Everything around him seemed to slow down as you exited the car and fixed your royal blue dress. You looked around and smiled at the people you knew. Then you went to help your mom out of the car. 

He absolutely could not look away. You were a knockout. Absolutely gorgeous. 

What were the chances he could sneak you out of the party and make love somewhere? Maybe he could convince you to leave early. 

He suddenly felt a jab in the ribs. 

“ Ouch! What the fu-” he groaned as he looked at Gareth who was nodding towards Jeff's grandma. “ Oh right!” He uttered, holding out his elbow for her. “ Hello there young lady, I am to escort you to your VIP spot.”

She hit him with an ohh you and took his arm. He looked back to see if he could catch your eye. But it wasn't until the ceremony that he did. 

With a big smile you lifted your hand. Giving him a little wave. He smirked and looked down. Continuing down the aisle. 

Damn! He thought. He really wanted you to be a part of the wedding party.

Originally you were, but you had just started a new job and couldn't get away for rehearsals or any planning. So you opted to only be a guest. Which sucked for him because now he had to look at the happy couple instead of staring at you.

Once he got to the altar he met your gaze again. He knew he must look crazy grinning the way he was. But he didn't care. The girl he was in love with was in the same town, at the same place he was. And he was gonna make sure he left with you.

-

The vows and I do’s were said and the pastor gave the bride and groom the go ahead for a kiss. 

Eddie looked over at you and you had tears of joy falling from your eyes. He pulled out his  handkerchief and took a few steps towards you. Asking for the person sitting in front of you to hand it off. 

You blushed and wiped the tears away while he went back to his spot. Gareth nudged him, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you were good. 

At this point he would do anything for you. He would give anything to be with you. He'd say anything and everything he could just to see you smile. And for a second he pictured what his life would be like with you.

Applause broke out and he clapped along as Jeff and Connie walked back down the aisle together. Once they were at the end, the guys and bridesmaids followed. 

He looked at you again and you were talking to your dad. However, you met his eyes as he passed and mouthed a thank you. 

He nodded and planned on circling back around so that he could get to you. Unfortunately, he had to go in the limo as soon as they walked out. 

Apparently word mysteriously got out that Jeff was getting married. So there were paparazzi and a handful of fans waiting outside the chapel. 

It was a good thing that they had security on standby just in case this happened. 

Everyone was escorted into the car and rushed off.

Jeff was pissed but Connie calmed him down. Saying that to not let it ruin their day. 

Eddie smiled to himself. He was happy for his friend. Jeff had found the girl he was meant to be with. Even with the band getting bigger and the crazy schedules. One of his best friends got to spend the rest of his life with someone who calmed him. Who accepted him for all that he is and truly made him happy. 

Eddie was a little envious of it. Still, he was completely overjoyed for his buddy. 

He wanted that. More than anything, he wanted you. So it was his prerogative to be with you.

-

Everyone had to show their invitations to get into the dance hall. But once in, the music was going and drinks were being served. 

Eddie waited patiently by the door. Nearly jumping up and down. Excited to finally get to talk to you. 

While giving security your invitation you locked eyes with him and smiled from ear to ear. 

You looked away for a second then followed your parents in. 

He said hello to everyone as they made their way down the line to the newly Weds. Finally it was your dad's turn. They shook hands and your mom was next.

“ Why hello there, gorgeous. You are a vision.”

Victoria blushed and gave him a playful smack. “ Stop it.”

He laughed and gave her a hug. 

At last, it was your turn. 

“ Hi Eddie.”

He stood there with his lips together and an eyebrow raised. Giving you his flirtatious smile. “ Hi baby.”

You tilted your head to the side and raised both brows. “ Baby?”

He beamed at you and grabbed your hand. Pulling you closer to him. “ Yeah. You're my baby girl now.” 

Before you could say anything, he pulled you into a long warm hug. Rocking you from side to side. Making you laugh.

Grant cleared his throat. “ Alright Munson, you're holding up the line.”

You pulled away but he didn't want to let you go. He gave your hand one last squeeze before releasing it. His eyes never left you as you finally made it down to Jeff and Connie. 

He smiled as you took Connie's hand and twirled her around. Clearly admiring how beautiful she looked in her gown. Then you gave her hug. Moving on to the groom. He chuckled seeing you and Jeff do your nerdy handshake before hugging.

Afterwards, everyone sat down to eat. Eddie of course didn't want to sit with the rest of the party. Not while you were just a few feet away. He grabbed his plate and his beer and went to sit next to you. 

“ Eddie…Connie's is gonna kill you.” You warned.

He looked up at the head table and saw Jeff and Connie just enamored with each other. Not really paying attention to anything or anyone else but each other for that matter.

He put a hand on the back of your chair and scooted closer. “ I don't think they care.”

He watched you as you glanced at your friends and smiled.

“ Awww I love them.”

He reached up and moved your hair behind your shoulder. Causing you to look at him. “ Want to get out of here?”

You jerked your head back. “ Dude! It's our best friend's wedding.”

-

As the night progressed you guys were practically inseparable. You danced, drank, and talked. It was as if nothing had changed between you two. He made you laugh and you made him nervous. 

It felt right.

Even the approving nods he got from his friends and family assured him this was it. He could do this with you. 

Your parents were about ready to leave a couple hours later and you along with them. What could he do to get you to stay?

“ I-I can get you a ride home later if you want.” He offered.

You shook your head. “ No, I have some work to do so I better get going.”

He frowned. “ But we hardly got to hang out.”

You looked down, clearly to him, trying to think of something. When he came up with something first.

“ I uhh I should probably try and find a hotel for tonight.”

You met his eyes with yours. “ Why?”

He nudged his head towards the door. Where there were paparazzi hanging out with cameras at the ready. “ I was gonna stay with my uncle, but I don't want those guys to bother him.”

“O-oh… ummm well you know my parents still have the pull out in the basement. I could...if you want, I could sneak you out? But what about everyone else?”

He shrugged. To hell with them for the night. “ They're adults, they can figure out something I'm sure.”

You softly laughed. “ Alright. How about you go out the service entrance and we’ll circle around for you?”

He smirked. “ Let's go.”

-

He was laying there in his boxers trying to figure out how to sneak past your parents room and get into your bedroom. Sure it was probably a stupid idea to try and have sex while your parents were across the hall. However he needed you. He craved your lips, and your warmth. He wanted your body next to his.

So he decided to grab something to drink, then see if your parents had gone to bed.

What he found was even better. 

You were in the kitchen grabbing a Popsicle. Wearing nothing but a long shirt and tube socks.

When you turned around you jumped. “ Eddie!” You half whispered. 

He grinned. “ Sorry baby. Was thirsty.”

He went for a glass to pour himself some tap water. Paying attention to your movements. You had gone to sit at the table and started sucking on the ice cream. All the while reading a manuscript. 

He gulped down his drink and went to sit next to you. Pulling the chair as close to you as possible. 

You did your best to ignore him and his advances. But the way he played with your hair made you shift closer to him. 

You had gotten so overcome by his light touch on your thigh that you squeezed your legs shut. You then flipped the page you were working on and licked the Popsicle that was melting all over your hand. Some of the sweet syrup dripped down your chin. And before you could wipe it away he grabbed your hand with one arm and lightly held your chin between his index finger and thumb with the other. He then licked a fat strip from the underside of your chin up to your bottom lip.

He smirked to himself hearing your breath hitch. He had you right where he wanted. 

He stood up and grabbed your hand. Stealing your sweet treat and finishing it off before leading you down to the basement. Of course locking the door behind you. 

When he got you on the bed, he finally took that kiss he'd been dying for all day and everyday for the past seven years

Wet and needy. Tongues dancing together. Exploring tenaciously. With hands doing the same.

He started needing your breast and was surprised by something hard. Curious, he went under the shirt and felt two small metal balls on either side of your hardened nipple. 

He groaned against your lips. “ Fuck baby. I like this.”

You laughed softly and whispered. “ I knew you would.”

He grinned while he played with your piercing. After a bit he kissed his way down your body until he reached your underwear. But instead of taking them off. He moved the damp cloth to the side and spread you a part. 

He was addicted as soon as his tongue touched you. The sweet, sweet nectar that poured from you drove him mindless. But even more so feeling your hand get lost in his curls as the other covered your mouth. Trying to conceal your pleasure.

He stared up at you, enjoying your contorted face as he sucked and licked and swallowed like there was no tomorrow. 

Then he added fingers. Doing a come hither motion. Wasn't long after that. Your body trembled as an orgasm hit. Your pussy throbbed around his fingers. Coating them generously with your wetness.

He waited patiently for you to come down before climbing back up your body and crashing his lips into yours. And when he did you sucked in his bottom lip. Causing him to push his hardened length against your soaked undergarments.

You pushed him up off of you and got on your knees before him. He watched in awe as you wrapped your hair up and freed his cock from its cotton prison.

You teased him at first. Giving his head little kitten licks and kisses. It was maddening. Feeling your slick tongue swirl around the tip before retreating back into your mouth. 

“ Baby please!” He begged.

You looked up with darkened eyes and a less than angelic smile. “ Shhh. You have to be quiet.”

He pouted. Pleading you with his eyes. 

Then you did it. You took the whole damn thing. Making him reach for the back of your head and lifting his hips to go deeper. 

The hum in your throat had his eyes rolling back and toes curled until they hurt. 

A few seconds passed by and he felt your throat close around him as you started to choke. He loosened his grip and let you back off. 

He opened his eyes and focused on you. Watching you catch your breath before taking him in again. This time not so deep. Adding your hand into the mix. 

It was fucking amazing. Every slurp, every gag, every teasing lick around his balls nearly had him cumming. Even more so when you forced him in every once every other stroke. Building up his confidence and his orgasm.

“ Sh-shit baby…got-gotta stop.” 

You let him go with a small pop and had a concerned look in your eyes.“ Everything okay?”

He licked his lips and swallowed. “ Yeah. Fuckin perfect. Just don't wanna cum yet.”

He leaned forward and pulled you into a kiss while helping you up. 

You stood before him and used his shoulders for balance as he peeled off your panties. 

Once they were at your feet you kicked them off and straddled him. Slowly lowering yourself on his shaft. 

Your mouth fell open and your eyes screwed shut and his tip pushed through. 

“ OH MY GOD!” He moaned. 

Your warm tight pussy clinged to him. Hugging him like no other has before. Feeling you flutter around him as you rocked back and forth had him focusing on not cumming. 

He buried his face in your bosom and concentrated on his target. That one special spot that made you cry out his name. That spot that not only drove you over the edge but made him see heaven.

Sure enough he found it. But at this angle he couldn't touch it as much and he wanted to. 

So he wrapped his arms around you and held on tightly as he flipped you over on your back. 

You giggled in the process and stole a kiss and he repositioned himself. When he looked at you, you were grinning up at him.

“ Oh Eddie. So serious.”

He narrowed his eyes at you and rammed himself in. Earning that yelp/ moan. He reached up to cover your mouth as he plowed into you.

“ This. Is. Serious.” He grunted. 

Your eyes got lost in the back of your head as he thrusted hard and steady. Your moans turning into whimpers and sighs as he fucks you into the bed.

And within moments your body and his reacted to the immense pleasure. 

The climax washed over you like a wave of ecstasy.

Once it passes, he rested his forehead on yours panting with you. Letting his hand fall away from your mouth. 

“ I've missed you so much.” He whispered.

You nodded in agreement that he was also missed. 

He kissed your forehead. “ I'll go find something to clean you up.”

He then pulled out slowly and put on his bottoms.

When he came back he had a warm washcloth with him. He gently cleaned between your legs then himself before pulling you to lay in his arms.

You had started tracing his tattoos. Making him smile.

That's when he found himself writing something on your arm.

‘Marry-me-yeah?’

You sighed lightly and snuggled closer to him. Tracing your answer on his chest.

‘Okay’

He raised his head to look at you. " Yeah?"

You nodded. " On one condition...You have to break the news to Grant."

Eddie threw his head back into the pillow and smacked his forehead. " Shit! He's gonna kill me."

You giggled. " Yup."

…

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @ohmeg @eddiesguitarskills @trashywormeateroffics @eddie-is-a-god @crookedcrone

[cool-fancier]

The Way I Loved You

Synopsis:After your breakup, you realized how selfish you had been, prioritizing your career over your relationship with Bada. As months went by, you wrote the song "The Way I Loved You," in which you expressed your regret and love for her. When Bada heard the song, it had an intense effect on her and caused her to consider her feelings for you.

Being a solo artist meant that your career had always come first for you. Your relationship with Bada has been damaged as a result of your persistent dedication to what you want in life. She had been your girlfriend for quite a while, but the months prior to that had been very difficult.

Bada was tired of the one-sidedness of the relationship. She seemed to be patiently waiting for you to make the time for her and give it a try. Your relationship faltered as a result of your hectic lifestyle and ongoing focus on your job.

One day, Bada had gathered the guts to talk to you about the distance that was forming between you two. Although neither of you wanted to have the conversation, it was necessary.

The atmosphere in the room was strained, and the weight of the conversation was noticeable. You and Bada sat across from each other, both knowing that this conversation had been a long time coming. Your relationship had been slowly worsening and now it had reached a breaking point.

Bada inhaled deeply, a mixture of agony and despair visible in her eyes. "Y/N," she said, "we need to talk about us."

As you knew what was about to happen, your throat tightened as you nodded. "I know, Bada. We do."

Bada's voice quivered as she continued, "Our relationship, it's not working anymore. We've been drifting apart, and it seems like we're both just acting the part.”

You couldn't help but become upset at what she said. "Well, Bada, I'm not the only one. You know I have a busy schedule with my music career. But have you thought about how much I've sacrificed for us? I've put my career on the line for this relationship."

While Bada's expression relaxed, the pain stayed. "Y/N, I love you, but this love isn't enough. We need more than that. We need effort, we need to feel like we matter to each other.”

You began to tear up as you realised what a failure you had been at making Bada feel loved and valued. "Bada, you're right. You should also realise how much I sacrificed for this relationship; I've become arrogant and you're not the only one who's made sacrifices."

Bada's voice cracked as she said, "I never thought I'd say this, Y/N, but maybe we should take a break. Time apart to figure out what we really want."

You nodded, your heart breaking at the thought of being without Bada. "If that's what you need, Bada, I'll respect your decision, but don't forget everything I've done for us."

Bada's tears flowed freely now, and she reached out to hold your hand. "I want us to be happy, too, Y/N, but we can't do that if we're holding each other back."

Knowing that this was the beginning of the end, the two of you sat there with your words and emotions hanging in the air. It was a difficult choice, but you both knew that sometimes love couldn't repair what was wrong. For a while at least, you had to let each other go in order to find yourself and possibly come back stronger.

After the breakup, you were left alone to think on what went wrong. You couldn't help but feel an overwhelming feeling of loss. You had to deal with the consequences because your job had forced you to be separate from the person you loved.

It was a harsh realization, but you couldn't stop loving Bada. Every time you saw her, every time you saw the happiness she found with someone else, your heart twisted. It was your fault for letting her go and for assuming her love would always be there for you.

As more time passed after your breakup with Bada, you found yourself struggling to come to terms with the reality of being apart. You felt a sharp aching in your heart every day, and you couldn't help but think back on the times you had spent together. You couldn't escape the feeling that you had made a terrible mistake.

The decision to part ways had weighed heavily on you. The more time that passed, the more you understood how selfish you had been during that conversation. You lost the love of your life because you prioritised your music career over your relationship. You could see that Bada had moved on and was now happy with Howl, her new partner. They loved each other in the same way that you once did with Bada.

Even though you knew it was too late to change the past, you longed for Bada. You were unable to turn back time or change the harm you had caused. But you may use your music to convey your emotions, your regrets, and your longing.

So, you put all of your heart and soul into a song that expressed how much you once loved Bada and how much you still do. Your true regret and the painful knowledge that you gave up something valuable were all over the song. You called it "The Way I Loved You," a sincerely honest and highly personal song.

The song became a hit as soon as you released it. The lyrics and melody that captured the depth of your feelings were written with a real emotion that connected with your audience. Your confession, apology, and devotion for Bada were all expressed in the song.

Bada heard the song, and it moved her in ways she hadn't expected. The love that had always been there was like it had been revealed by the lyrics, which had peeled back the layers of your heart. She realized that you hadn't been selfish because you didn't care. It was because you cared too much, but you hadn't known how to balance your career and your relationship.

Every time Bada listened to "The Way I Loved You" on repeat, tears welled up in her eyes. She had to admit that she still had feelings for you. But the question remained: was it possible to mend what was broken?

[fictionallystable]

Rating: Mature

Fandom: Call of Duty (Video Games)

Relationship: Phillip Graves (Call of Duty)/Reader

Characters: Reader, Phillip Graves (Call of Duty), Original Male Character(s)

Additional Tags: Author Has Played Call of Duty, Childhood Friends, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Civilian!Reader, Pre-Canon, Jealousy, Angst, Kissing, Mild Smut, Time Skips, Brother's Best Friend, Toxic Family Dynamics, Eventual Smut, Drama, Misunderstandings, Getting Together, Minor Age Gap

Words: 9,080| Chapters: 4/5

Authors: @orphancains & @collinnmckinley

Chapter 4: The Engagement Party

Chapter Summary: You're invited to Matty's engagement party and run into a familiar face—only for everything to seemingly fall apart.

A/N: agian we are extremely apologetic for the late update. life got hectic for both of us and hit us like a bus. and we were too exahsted from everything to even think about writing. but here we are!!! with a longer chapter to make it up to yall!! we really hope you enjoy this one c: only one chapter left to go ;) (likes and reblogs are appreciated <3)

the fic can also be found on AO3

tags will be updated!!

You felt nauseous at the thought of returning home for Matty’s engagement party. You’d been living out of town, happy with your job as an architect even if it meant you sometimes went months without seeing family. But you preferred it that way, with less judgment from your parents for choosing to postpone your own engagement yet again. 

With your boyfriend Richard’s arm around your waist, you braced yourself for the booming cheers from your mother and father when they saw you. Immediately, they enveloped you in hugs and shook you with delight. 

“[Y/N], oh, it’s so good to see you! We’ve missed you so much.” 

“The drive must’ve been tiring, huh? How’s work been, Richard?” 

“[Y/N], your figure looks great! And that skirt is gorgeous!” 

Ah, yes. The skirt Richard picked out for me.

Your mother’s wrinkled, smiling eyes rubbed your back as you made your way to the living room for a drink, while Richard stayed in the hall with your father, enraptured in more dull small talk. The stiff smile you had kept carved on your face all this time suddenly melted into a real one when you saw Bear, your dog, laying on the ground.

You knelt down immediately to pet him, forgetting the drink your mom was getting you. You rubbed your hands through his long, brown fur as he wagged his tail back and forth. He panted excitedly, leaning up trying to lick your cheek. You laughed. “I’m glad you’re looking good, Bear,” you said to the dog. He had been staying comfortably with your mother for the past 6 months, enjoying her leftovers but far away from you. Every night, you wished you could cuddle up with the dog. But Richard insisted that no dogs be allowed in your apartment.

“ I can’t handle all the hair, especially with it sticking to my suits. And I doubt you’ll have the time to clean up after a German Shepherd’s furballs with your workload ,” you remembered he sourly sneered while he unpacked your boxes all those months ago. 

“And Matty?” you asked your mom when she handed you a cup of soda and ice in a red plastic solo, while Bear rolled over on his back elatedly.

“He’s outside entertaining the guests with Elaine.” Your mom grinned. “Her parents seem to be very happy with our arrangement.”

You tried to smile, but a grimace cracked through instead. Ever since you graduated high school, your mother and father had insisted you get married quickly. Matty seemed to have no issue finding the right girl to propose to. You, on the other hand, well… you couldn’t see yourself with Richard. He was protective, he remembered your anniversaries, and he always made the time to take you on dates, to remember your favorite flowers, and always paraded you with pride at his own work parties. But the thought of saying “I do” to the man made your chest bubble with anxiety. And maybe even dread. Sometimes he was too  protective, interrupted you too much, and sometimes took his sarcastic jokes too far to the point of cruelty. You were sensitive, ever since your adolescence. But… you could get used to it, right? 

“Oh, that’s great news,” you muttered in reply to your mother.

Your mother leered at you from the corner of her eye. A mischievous but scrutinizing twinkle in her eyes. “Yes, it’s just a matter of time before you and Richard have your very own—”

“I should go say hi to Matty, yes?” You got up quickly and brushed the wrinkles from your skirt. “And of course, to my future sister-in-law…” you sputtered out as you scurried past your mother.

When you stepped out onto the back garden, you were hit once again with the warm, thick heat of the Texas night. You saw your brother from behind, with his arm around Elaine, whose long, pin-straight hung like a curtain from behind her, and a cold beer in his hand. You saw they were laughing while they chatted to an older man and woman you didn’t recognize, crinkled skin and silvery but pin-straight thin hair that Elaine had. From what you could guess, they must’ve been Elaine’s parents.  

It was hard to hide your joy at seeing your brother. You sauntered up to your brother, wanting to catch up with him. Last time you’d seen him, he’d been arguing with your dad about the very idea of proposing to Elaine. He wanted to wait another couple of months, but your father insisted Elaine would start to get impatient and would find another husband, another arrangement. Your brother had stormed off that day, driven away in his car, uttering nothing more than a “Not now!” at you when you had asked if he was okay.

“Matty!” you called out to your brother from where you stood. Your smile couldn’t get any wider. Yes you spoke with your brother every week when work let you, but it's been a long while since you last saw your brother in person. 

So when he heard your voice calling his name, he turned to see you standing there, at your parents backyard porch, waving to him excitedly, he couldn’t help but let out an airy laugh and immediately started to make his way to you. You did the same and both met in the middle as you scooped you in a hug lifting your feet off the ground. Oh how he missed his baby sister. Although all grown up.

Seeing how excitedly Matty basically ran towards you, it made Elaine chuckle and shake her head. She knew how strong the sibling bond you and your brother shared, and she found it extremely endearing and adorable in a way she can never experience, as she was the only child.

As Matty let you down on the ground again, Elaine made her way to greet you. When you saw her you couldn’t help but hug her too. You liked Elaine, she was like a sister you never had, and you couldn’t be happier for both of them. 

“It’s so good to see you [Y/N]! We missed you so much” Elaine told you, her smile was bright and contagious. You couldn’t help but to mirror her excitement and feeling.

“It’s good to see you both too! I’m so sorry I couldn’t get earlier work got in the way, and we packed at the last minute-” you expressed how regretful you were about how late you arrived. You truly meant to arrive earlier, to help your brother and his wife-to-be with the arrangement of the party, but the universe had other plans for you. 

Before you went on a tangent, Matty cut you off with his usual reassuring demeanor.

“Nonsense! You’re here and that's what matters.” Elaine nodded, as Matty’s hand came around her shoulder. They truly looked like a couple made for each other. 

“Oh! Before you go or do anything, I gotta show you who’s here!” Matty said, his excitement meant trouble. For some reason you were worried.

“Oh there he is! Just the man I was looking for hah!” Matty was looking over your shoulder when he spoke. 

As you turned around like any normal person would do to see who your brother was talking about, the air was knocked out of you immediately as your eyes landed on him.

“Phil…” you sputtered out, quiet enough for it to be a whisper.

Phillip Graves stood a few feet away from you, far enough to reach in a couple of steps. And that's what he did when your brother called him over. The Phillip Graves was standing in front of you now, except now he was older. His hair was still the light brown, almost blonde hair that had as a teen. His tan skin now was littered with a few scars, on accenting his cheek bone. You remembered he was tall, always athletic, as a kid from playing varsity football and soccer. But now, he had filled out muscles under his burgundy t-shirt and light-wash jeans. And he still towered over you just enough that you had to peer up to meet his blue eyes. 

With a surprised, almost confused smile, he repeated your name back to you. 

“Phillip... Phil…” you breathed out, still in disbelief. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Of course he’s gonna be here, silly! He’s my best friend, I couldn’t have a wedding without him being my best man can I?” you’re brother jokes. Before you could say anything to him, you heard a distant voice calling his name. He answers “coming!”, but not before bidding you both to have a good time and catch up.

He knows how much Phil meant to you, and he knows for sure for the past fifteen years how much you tried to forget him.

You watched as your brother and his fiancee in his arms went to tend to the other guests, before turning to Phillip, who’s smile grew into one of his beaming ones that you’d grown familiar with as a teen. “Hopefully seeing me ain’t a bad surprise.” He winks at you teasingly before smiling softly. He gestured to the plastic, white porch table nearby. “D’ya wanna sit?”

Tentatively, you took a seat across from him at the table. He looked around, almost looking bored, as he took a drink of his own beer bottle. But you knew Phil. He wasn’t disinterested. You could tell from the way he was bouncing his left leg in slight nervousness. 

“So, how have you been [Y/N]? I heard you became a big shot architect in Seattle! Not gonna lie, I thought that you’d become a famous artist with her own exhibit all across the country.” Phillip genuinely sounded happy and surprised, leaning back in his chair, hands intertwining on his torso. A habit he picked up during his time away from home in the Marine Corps.

You smiled at him. He recognized that as the one your mother trained you to show new people. It only got sweeter—and prettier—as you grew older, he thought. It suited you even as you were no longer a little girl and now a beautiful, grown woman. Graves’ heart strings tugged, and for a split second, and only for that tiny moment, he was taken off guard. 

“Yeah.” You paused but only for a second. “Things turned out differently. But I can't complain.” That sweet smile still plastered on your face. Phil couldn’t believe it, how much you’ve changed, how much you’ve grown. How beautiful you’ve become-

“Things… didn’t end well the last time we saw each other.” He was lost in thought again but your voice brought him back. 

“Or rather didn’t see.” You murmured.

He knitted his brows in confusion. “I’m not following.” 

Annoyance began to stir inside you. You huffed and looked away.

He nearly stammered his words. “From what I last remember; we had a blast at your birthday party, Matty gave you a puppy, the one that he’d been planning months to get for you. And I—”

“And you left.” Your eyes, returning to him and now darker with hurt, pierced straight into his eyes, and your silky voice cut him like a sharp knife. “Practically the next day.” “Without saying a single word to me about your enlistment that day.” A sad, but bitter, smile adorned your face, eyes cast downward. As the memories of that day continued to unfurl for you, a dormant resentment continued to bubble in the depths of your viscera. 

“You didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Matty properly let alone me.” Your voice was softer now,  but he could still see the hurt behind your eyes. “Much less to my parents who—”

“Listen, [Y/N], I didn’t—” He clenched his jaw and dragged his chair closer, hoping to keep his voice low. He felt embarrassed to be having this conversation with you in the first place in your parents’ backyard. And he especially didn’t want Matty to know you were talking about this with him. Still, he felt he owed you an explanation. “I didn’t want to scare you….” he stops and looks at you, in his eyes an emotion you have never seen before swims, you can't decipher it, but it somehow looks familiar. “Or hurt you for that matter.” 

He shook his head, crossing his arms across his chest. He scoffed, just barely audible to you. “But be realistic for a moment. What did you expect me to say to you? ‘Hey, kiddo, I’m off to join the Marine Corps. Might die or get a limb or two blown off. Make sure you do your homework and don’t stay up too late playing video games with Matty! Bye!” 

Phil couldn’t help being defensive of his actions that summer, a bit too defensive even to his liking. He sighs and continues with a bit of a calmer voice. Phil knew that his answer wasn’t half-assed, but he still knew they could be biting. Although he didn’t want to reopen old wounds, he also didn’t want to lie to you. Especially not now that you were no longer a child, and not just Matty’s kid sister. “I did what I thought was right, for you… and me. And I wouldn’t change it if I had to do it again. That’s the truth.” 

You blinked. You couldn’t help but hear something alien in his voice, a tone so unfamiliar in your memories of him as kids. Was it sorrow? Remorse? Pain? You couldn’t figure it out. But you know it was something not to be pushed any further. As a kid you never understood why he did what he did, but as you grew older, somehow you knew that as a child everyone’s decisions were outside your range of understanding. You had accepted what happened. Or at least you thought you did. But today that young girl returned, took back control your body and mind, and you found yourself spluttering these words to Phil. 

Sitting with his own answers, you sat in silence. You watched as he leaned back and eyed you carefully. His eyes were still the same baby blue ones that always gazed at you with brotherly affection all those years, the ones that sparkled when the Texan summer sun’s rays cast on them. But now you felt a hardness radiating from behind them, one that would make anyone else cower and feel smaller. Years in military combat had definitely changed him and his gaze. Indeed, you did feel like he was studying every inch of your face and body, scanning you as if trying to profile you, maybe like he did with the captured combatants in whatever war in which he fought. You tried your hardest to return the intensity of his stare, but it was hard to compete with the icy look in his eyes.

But behind his colder eyes was a burning curiosity that he was successful in concealing from you. It was a curiosity he didn’t expect to experience tonight, because he never expected to see you, Matty’s beloved little sister, again. In all his memories, some more faded and fuzzier than others, you remained a little girl whose clothes were stained with paint and fingers sometimes still smudged from soft pastels or even charcoal from your art. In his mind, you still had baby cheeks and wore Matty’s old hand-me-down clothes and hoodies. But before him, he never expected Matty’s little sister, now a woman, to be sitting before him. He almost wanted to curse himself for immediately noticing when you walked to the table how your curves fit the skirt you wore. And when you sat across from him, he caught himself glancing more than once at your chest when your arms folded just beneath it. 

He clenched his jaw. God, if Matty even caught the places his eyes were traveling when he saw you, he was sure he was going to get his ass kicked and his face pounded in by Matty’s notorious fist. Grown up or not, you were still his sister. And this was also still Matty’s engagement party, and he couldn’t ruin it. And you were clearly still torn up about his sudden, unannounced enlistment all those years ago. This was not the place or time to be thinking of… other things.

What disrupted his curious gaze from roaming over you was a sole tear that began to trickle down the corner of your eye. Just one, and one that you quickly wiped away with your hand before it could ruin much of your makeup. But it was enough to know that, once again, Phil had made you upset. He internally wanted to bang a fist against the table. He was hoping you would lash out at him, he would let you burn off some of the steam that you couldn’t when you were both kids, he knew how much you controlled your rage, and he wished you would finally let it out even if it was on him. Let you both make fools of yourselves that night, so he could feel less remorse. But instead, the silence from you that he was me with was damning him more than he could expect.

When you refused to say anything, Phil anxiously whirled the cold glass bottle in his hands. “But, I was also an idiot,” Phil spat out suddenly. 

Your furrowed brows softened, noticing how Phil’s eyes melted into what you couldn’t intercept at first. But you soon realized it was a miserable mixture of hurt and regret. “I just wanted to get away from my folks, you know. Even though they were hardly ever home, I still felt like they controlled every aspect of my life. So…” He breathed out. “So, I’m sorry.”

“I get that,” was all you said as you mindlessly twirled the bracelet around your wrist. As you did so, his eyes glanced down at your hand on the table, the same ones that were always covered in stubborn faded blue and yellow hues of paint. He swallowed when he noticed that, unlike Matty whom he’d spoken to earlier, you had no ring on your left hand. Before you could notice, Phil quickly glanced back up at your face, and was relieved to see that your harsh scowl from before had melted away. “I just wish you could’ve told me that then. But I… I get that I was too young. We were both pretty stubborn when it came to talking about anything serious, but we cared—”

Before you could finish, you heard a booming voice call out your name. You turned and saw Richard beckoning you to where he stood, while your parents stood to the side and grinned giddily together. Suddenly the whole party had grown strangely quiet. Beside the ice cooler, you noticed a bluetooth speaker playing a familiar soft rock song. One that you distinctly remember as the one Richard played in the car after your first date together at the theme park, and the same one you two danced to in his old apartment when you both were tipsy one night.

You got up from your seat. Next to you Phil also suddenly wondered why so many eyes were on you and this unfamiliar man. You started walking toward him and your parents, wondering what in the world was happening, and why your boyfriend was standing in the middle of the backyard like he was about to give a speech. Oh no, I've seen this scenario happening in public one too many times. This does not look good…. Your internal monologue was put in a pause when you looked around to find your brother, and when your eyes landed on his and his fiance, you knew with one look they did not seem pleased of what was going on.

“[Y/N],” he started. “We’ve only known each other for a few months…”

“I can’t fucking believe this,” Matty muttered from a few feet away from where Phil sat. 

Phil blinked a couple of times. His gut was telling him he knew exactly what was going on, but he himself couldn’t believe it. Not after he just reunited with Y/N a few minutes earlier.

Elaine tried to calm Matty down silently, but Matty was furious. “I specifically told them not to pull this shit, not on this occasion. Jesus fucking Christ.” Elaine didn’t need to hear him say it, but she knew who he was referring to when he said ‘they’.

Richard continued. “But you’ve made me a better man, a man with bigger, better ambitions, a man who can see himself becoming a family man. Beyond just a businessman, a partner, a rock to lean on, someone who could build a home with you and raise a family together.”

When he got down on one knee, you felt your heart stop and all the muscles in your body seize. You tightened your jaw, dormant rage igniting all over again. You didn’t know if you wanted to run away and flee the scene or smash Richard’s head with the beer bottle from a nearby table, but you felt as though your shoes were glued to the dry grass. “Y/N,” he said as he took a ring out of his jacket pocket. 

You looked up frantically and saw your mother on the verge of happy tears and your father with a proud grin but his hands tucked in his suit jacket’s pockets, much like when he is negotiating a business deal at work. You knew immediately that this was not simply Richard’s doing. No, you had told Richard as recently as last night at bedtime that you would rather wait at least when you hit 30 before even considering marriage. This was your parents handing you off to Richard, hoping and desperately trying to have their wealth merge with Richard’s own family wealth. Just like you feared in every conversation you had with your mom and dad, you feared you represented nothing more than a simple pawn in another one of your dad’s business deals. 

You glanced back down at Richard, the sour sneer on your face growing harder and harder for you to conceal. You could feel your hands trembling now by your side, and the cup of soda in your hand threatening to get crushed.  

“Will you do me the honor of letting me call you my wife?”

You heard murmurs and all around you from the backyard. The night’s spotlight was now on you, no longer on Matty and Elaine, and that made you grind your teeth even more. You didn’t want extra attention. It was bad enough that suddenly your childhood crush crashed the party and made you relive your teenage hormones and heartbreak. Richard and your parents both knew how uncomfortable you felt coming back home, and suddenly they decided to make you have to answer a marriage proposal in front of all your relatives, friends, and neighbors. 

You glared down at Richard, who was oblivious to the storm raging in your mind. “You’re out of your fucking mind,” you spat out, with a low and harsh voice, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. You whipped your head up furiously to glare directly at your mom and dad. “And you two! You two are unbelievable. You should be ashamed of yourselves!” Your throat ached from how harshly you growled at them.

Without another word, not even a “no” to dignify Richard’s proposal, you threw your cup of soda at Richard’s face. The half-melted ice-cubes and cold Sprite made him flinch and get back up to his feet quickly. A chorus of gasps erupted from behind and around you. 

“You spoiled brat!” your mother shrieked. The disdain and disappointment on her face was one so familiar, but one that still brought your heart racing anxiously and your lips to quiver. Your father stood frozen in shock beside her. He himself didn’t expect you to react in such a way. He thought tonight would be another business success for him. “Do you know how much we had sacrificed for you? And you decide to act like a child? When will you grow up?l!” 

“THIS IS INSANE!” 

Your eyes snapped to the source of outburst and landed on Matty standing near where Phil and you had been sitting. Phil remained at his seat watching all of this unfold with amusement, as Matty was walking towards where your parents had been standing, with determination of giving an earful to them most likely, but before he could start what he had to say your voice decided to come out on its own accord.

“Oh mother… How can you still be so stubborn about this? How could you pull this stunt at Matty’s engagement party, your own son's engagement party? Do you have no shame? Either of you?” Your voice determined and harsh. Even your mother was taken aback by your bold retort. Her speechlessness only allowed you to continue your tirade. “I told you at least a hundred times that I don’t have any plans to get married anytime soon. But you didn’t listen! That doesn’t surprise me; you hardly ever listen to me. But at least have some respect for your own goddamn son! Who has been nothing but an obedient child to you! Both of you! And this is how you treat him?! The least that you could have done was ask him and Elaine if this was okay with them!” 

Your mother was stunned, the blood having drained from her face and her hand clutching her handbag tightly as she gawked at you. You’ve never been this brave with your words. You never talked back to either of your parents in all your youth. And if your father wasn’t just as speechless, he would’ve given you an earful, and even threatened you to remove you from inheritance. But you didn’t care, your patience ran thinner and thinner each year and this new stunt made all that remained evaporate in a matter of seconds.

You knew you couldn’t come back from this. The realization that there was a chance you’ll probably be shunned and even maybe disowned after this. You had run out of words, so you simply ran from the scene. Your spilled red cup of coke laid on the grass, something the ants in the yard would later indulge in. You bolted into your family’s house, your childhood home, which was mainly empty with everyone mingling in the evening out in the yard. You went into your room on instinct, but noticed your mom and dad had converted it into an office space for their work. Your jaw dropped as you realized they never kept your room the same way they had adoringly preserved Matty’s. You tightened your grip around the door knob. You wanted nothing more than to trash the room, break the desk that sat where your bed once did, and stomp on bookshelves that once held your comics and artbooks but now held folders of boring white paperwork. 

But instead you fled to your brother’s room across the hall. You knelt down beside his bed, kicked off your shoes, and buried your face in a pillow. You let out a muffled scream. After a few seconds, your scream morphed into pathetic sobs. You knew you were surely staining Matty’s old pillows with your makeup, but you didn’t care at that moment. At that moment, it felt as though you time-traveled back fifteen years in your old home, crying your eyes out into your beloved brother’s pillow.

‿︵‿︵‿୨ ୧‿︵‿︵‿

Phil watched as Matty slouched on the plastic lounging chair outside. Almost everyone had left. Your mother and father stood near the backyard fence, arguing desperately about what to do next after you had ruined their evening. Richard stood next to them but remained mostly silent and merely listened to them. Elaine, Matty’s fiancée, trudged into the house in search of you. Meanwhile, Phil took a seat across from Matty, who ran his hands through his beard and squeezed his eyes shut momentarily out of frustration.

“Cannot believe they would fucking do that on tonight of all nights,” Matty groaned out.

Phil let out a low whistle. “Yeah definitely didn’t expect to see [Y/N] throw a cup of soda at some random guy.” It would almost be laughable if it weren’t for the fact that he had seen tears once again streaming down your face when you darted inside. “So, that was actually [Y/N]’s boyfriend or—”

“Unfortunately,” Matty spat out. “I can’t stand the guy. But our parents love Richard even though he’s a huge asshole to her half the time.”

“Huh…”

Phil tried to recall the man. He was tall and athletic. He seemed like the type to weight lift, worry about trends in luxury suits, and track his meals’ calories to keep up with his appearance and health everyday. His dark hair was slicked back with some gel, and his jaw was sharp and pronounced. His sharp, aquiline facial features reminded Phil of some of the college guys who would apply for internships to work for his dad’s firm during summers back when he was a kid. But something about him made Phil’s skin crawl. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that his entire personality seemed like a masquerade of wealth and opulence, or the fact that he was dating you , had the gall to propose to you , while also being an asshole to you, according to Matty at least.

“I can’t say I blame her for throwing the soda at him,” Phil snickered quietly.

Matty almost cracked a smile at this. Suddenly, he remembered why he called Phil his best friend for so many years of his life. “Trust me, if I could’ve thrown one too, I would’ve.”

Your father suddenly bellowed your name. “Come out! We need to have a talk!”

Phil and Matty quickly glanced at each other, worry coating both of their faces. They expected Elaine and you to come out together, Elaine probably holding a box of tissues and your eyes still swollen from crying. But instead, no one came out of the backyard door. They waited several seconds, until your father stormed toward the door to head inside himself. Richard trailed behind him, not nearly as full of energy. It seemed the would-be fiancé was still feeling dejected, even if the soda from early had already dried.

“Unbelievable,” your father growled, the door of the house slamming open violently with a bang.

Phil and Matty both got up quickly, following the man. They found you and Elaine sitting in the kitchen, you nursing a cup of warm tea and Elaine sitting next to you still attempting to console you. Your father rushed toward you, grabbing you by your shoulders, forcing your gaze away from your cup of tea and to his own red-beet face. The force of his grasp made your elbow knock into the mug, tumbling it to the ground with a sharp crash. 

Elaine gasped sharply before stepping back in shock. Meanwhile, Bear emerged from the living room, his bushy tail stiff in the air in alert and his pointed ears slicked back against his head. He growled and barked furiously at the sight of your father grabbing you. Agape, you stared back at your father in horror, feeling all the muscles in your body suddenly become paralyzed in fear.

“How can you throw away your future just because of your own stubborn self-righteousness?! Didn’t we raise you better than to act so selfishly?!” your father yelled into your face.

Matty quickly grabbed your father’s arm, grabbing him by his gray blazer’s stiff fabric, and pulled him off of you. “Your dumb plan for the night was botched from the start, dad,” he sneered out. “She clearly doesn’t want to marry Richard and this was supposed to be our engagement party to begin with!” he looked at Elaine for a second saying that.

The graying wisps of hair on your fathers were now disheveled and sticking up, his sagging and wrinkled face now flushed with a furious red. He balled his fists as he spoke back to your brother. “What she did, regardless of what day it was, to Richard was unacceptable. Would you ever imagine Elaine treating you in such a way? No, of course not! Because [Y/N] is acting like a child, and an insolent one at that!”

He turned back to glare at you, taking one step further forward. “Richard, come here,” he said, his glower locked on you not wavering.

The tall, dark-haired man strode beside your father. You couldn’t read the expression on his face. You had wounded your ego and in public in front of your friends and family, something he would seldomly allow without biting back. But he remained quiet ever since his botched proposal. Usually he would yell back, make a scene, demand he stay in a hotel for the night, after arguing with you over nonsense. But his silent, narrow-eyed stare bore down on you and made you feel uneasy. There was nothing calm or passive about it.

“So, why don’t we start over, hm? Why don’t the two of you go to the living room to discuss and… reconsider Richard’s proposal once again, yes?” Your father’s gritted teeth betrayed the false air of diplomacy he was trying to prop up.

“I don’t think—” Your brother was caught off.

“[Y/N],” your father said more sternly this time. “Now.”

Your brother wanted to continue to protest, but he knew your father would not take no for an answer right now. Not with his fists balled up and his face as red as it was. So Matty, Phil, and Elaine watched breathlessly as you and Richard walked to the living room by yourselves. Phil noticed how your hands shook ever so slightly, even while you kept your lips pursed and tried to straighten your blouse, desperately clinging onto any semblance of composure before talking to your boyfriend.

Breathing out an exasperated sigh, your father, the man Phil used to revere so much as a child, began to step outside back to the yard. “There better still be some drinks in the cooler. I need one right now,” he muttered. Your mother followed him, obediently, to avoid the thick air of tension that was suffocating everyone in the kitchen.

Phil couldn’t help but let curiosity get the best of him. While Elaine consoled Matty in hushed voices and picked up the broken glass on the kitchen tile, Phil drifted away from them. He could hear Elaine telling Matty that it was okay, that they could hold a smaller, more intimate engagement party next week with just close friends. He knew that he, too, should be trying to console Phil. But he was worried about you. He just couldn’t believe your family was pressuring you to marry.

Phil stood just outside the living room beside its entrance, leaning on his side against the wall and focusing on the little he could hear. Bear padded up to Phil. Much calmer now, the German Shepherd sat down and looked up at Phil with a panting smile. Phil wanted to smile and pet the dog, but instead brought his finger up to his own lips, hoping the dog wouldn’t alert everyone to what Phil was doing.

“—how embarrassed I was left feeling! In front of everybody!” It sounded to Phil like Richard was still furious, still left with his pride injured. He was on the verge of yelling, but kept his voice somewhat hushed. Maybe to avoid drawing even more humiliation to himself tonight.

Your voice was less hushed, a little bolder. “We’ve barely been dating long enough to begin even thinking about marriage, Richard! I told you I wanted to wait!”

Phil carefully peeked into the room just enough to see that the two of you were standing and you had refused to sit on the couch. Richard towered over you, clearly trying to intimidate you. You were trapped between him and the untouched couch. You nervously ran your hand through your hair as Richard continued roughly gripping one of your shoulders with one of his hands. The sight of his hands on you like that made Phil’s skin crawl and stomach lurch. He tried his best to control himself.

“[Y/N],” Richard began again, clearly still annoyed. “You already made a scene with the first proposal. But I’m not giving up on you . And so is your father—”

You scoffed at this and rolled your eyes. 

“So, please. Just stop being so stupid and stubborn for a second, and just say yes so we can both move on ”

You stayed quiet. And Phil’s mind was racing in the midst of your silence. Was it possible you were actually considering it? He remembered you when you were younger, as a kid. You were stubborn, yes, and very outspoken. It’s what stopped any kids from picking on you or your art. But you also never betrayed your own goals, your own ideas and feelings, for the sake of someone else’s preferences. Even if that meant getting into ugly fights with others and giving your mom and dad the silent treatment for weeks. It was one of many qualities in you that Phil remembered admiring, and he hoped that it was a quality that had never diminished during these last fifteen years.

Phil didn’t want to admit it, but he also felt sick to the thought of you getting engaged just when he had finally reunited with you. He felt a nauseating feeling in his gut at the idea of you marrying this, clearly, arrogant guy. Phillip Graves himself was arrogant at times—sassy even, but when it came to the people he cared about, he was never arrogant. When it came to you, he could never be arrogant.

Finally, you did answer. “I already said my thoughts on the subject, Richard,” you said firmly. At that moment, you hoped Richard and your father would respect your wishes more than anything. Once again, you felt like nothing more than a pawn. “I already said no to you once. And now I’m saying it twice. Do I have to say it a third time?”

“Well, neither of us are getting any younger, [Y/N]. If you’re as serious about this relationship as I am, then you should at least be considering marriage with me. If not, then what’s the goddamn point of this? Of any of this with you?” He placed both his hands now on your shoulders, shaking you just a little. “What do you even want out of this?”

Your face seemed almost serene. You didn’t frown, nor did you nervously smile or even produce a grimace. You placed your hands on his that were squeezing your shoulders, gently sliding them off of you and placing them back to his sides. “After tonight, Richard. I can’t give you a straight answer. I don’t know. After this scene you tried to pull despite everything I told you, I can’t say I see a future with you anymore.”

Richard leaned away, almost repulsed by your answer. He scoffed in disbelief, shaking his head furiously. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are you breaking up with me? ”

Phil would’ve started laughing if he didn’t give away the fact he was spying on you and Richard. But he also wanted to beam with pride at seeing you stand up for yourself despite Richard and your dad not ceasing in urging you two to get married. He was glad to see that you never lost your fiery side as you’ve grown. 

“I guess that’s what it is,” you mustered out. “If you can’t stay in a relationship with me without getting married immediately just to make our parents happy, then maybe we just shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

Any shock was replaced with fury. Richard began seething. “You can’t be so goddamn dumb, [Y/N],” he growled out. “Why are you throwing all of this away? We could’ve had a future together, a built home, a nice family. And you’re throwing it all away just because you wanted to make a point about waiting ?!”

You scoffed. “A nice home where you’re calling me an idiot for sticking to my values. Yeah, sure.” You tried to step beside him to walk away, to finally leave this conversation behind and head back to the family that cares about you. 

But instead Richard grabbed you by your forearm, whipping you back toward him and forcing you to face him again. His eyes were now no longer narrow with disdain but wide and dilated with rage. It was a look you only saw on rare occasions, mostly when you had screaming matches after you would “ruin the mood” when he’d try to have sex with you, drunk out of his mind, after one of his work parties. 

“Let me go,” you muttered, your annoyance desperately trying to mask any fear that could be detected in your voice. 

Suddenly, Richard grabbed your face with a hand, squeezing your jaw and cheeks as he did. He forced you to look at him, even while you desperately tried to pull his hand off you, scratching his forearms and trying to push him away. Phil’s heart began racing and he could feel the blood coursing through his body grow hotter. He couldn’t believe his eyes, but all he could focus on was how the solemn look in your eyes was now replaced with one of terror and shining with wet tears beginning to form.

Richard’s fury continued. “I never thought you could be this stupid. Do you even realize what you’re doing to your—”

Phil had enough. He rushed into the room and in what felt like a flash he pushed Richard away from you. You fell onto the couch, watching in horror as Richard tried to fight back against Phil. Sure, Richard was strong and big. But Phil’s hand-to-hand combat had been refined over the years in the Marine Corps. With little struggle, he managed to subdue him, and within seconds, Richard was pinned to the ground. Phil was successful in knocking the air out of Richard, leaving the man breathless and writhing on the floor. 

“What the fuck ! Get off me!! ” Richard growled through gritted teeth.

Phil smirked for a split second before ignoring him. He let Richard crumble to the ground before he went over and tentatively kneeled in front of Y/N. He saw once again furious tears pooling in your eyes threatening to fall . He placed a gentle hand on her knee and gazed up at her. “You okay [Y/N] ? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

You shook your head, your own hand traveling to your jaw where Richard had roughly grabbed you. “No, I’m fine.” 

He nodded in understanding, still looking at you carefully. While he watched you, he felt Matty and Elaine rush into the room, confusion written on their faces. They saw your small form still sitting on the couch with Phil crouching in front of you while Richard was still getting up from the ground, catching his breath. 

“Th-thanks, Phil,” you said quietly. “I… didn’t know he was gonna lash out like that.”

“ He what ?!” Matty demanded. “Richard, what the hell did you do to my sister?!”

Richard was now back on his feet, he breathed out deeply and glared at Matty. Then he straightened his shirt and painted on his usual smug look of contempt he carried. “I broke up with her. If she’s not taking this relationship seriously, then neither will I.”

“What a load of bullshit,” Matty practically spat the words in Richard's face before grabbing him by his collar. Elaine watched in horror too, scurrying away to the side. Matty dragged him out of the room until both you and Phil lost sight of the two of them. Knowing Matty and his long-lasting hatred for Richard, you were sure he was kicking him out of your parents’ home. 

“Dad is going to be furious,” you mumbled to yourself, but Phil could hear you loud and clear. 

He took a seat next to you on the couch, deciding not to touch you further. He had to remind himself that you were no longer a 12 year old girl, he had to restrain himself from holding you . Yes, you two were very close when both of you were mere teens . But it had been years since you last spoke. Fifteen years to be exact, he didn’t know if you ever counted the days but he did, for some reason that even he couldn’t explain it to himself. He couldn’t overstep his boundaries. So he just pulled his hands back to his lap and sat there, trying to console you as best as he could.

“He’s not always like that… but when he is it gets too much ” you breathed out. Phil tried to listen but he was also acutely aware of how your hand, albeit sweaty from your nerves, felt on his much rougher, larger one. “Matty never liked him. But mom and dad adored him for some reason.”

Phil sighed out. He wished he could say something comforting, something that would chase all your anxieties and fears away. But all he could do was sit there and listen to nothing and everything all at once . Feeling your heat radiate from your side, and he sits besides you only a hair of a touch away. He could lean in and hold you close, and the thought made his heart flutter with nervousness. From here, he could smell how your hair smelled like roses and coconuts—

Before he could drift further away he had to snap back to reality with you still sitting next to him solemnly. How could he think that about you? You were his best friend’s sister for goodness sake… but was he in the wrong to think of you as the pretty woman that you have become? Yes he considered you as a little sister back in the day, but that was a decade and half ago. But now? His heart told him one thing but his brain said something else.

You always carried your emotions on your sleeves. If you were happy, your face would be brighter than the sun. But then if sad, a cloud would particularly be looming over your head. When you were flustered, your face would be brighter than the fresh tomato that his parents would have the cooks pick up from the farmers market And if you were angry, oh man that was something to witness. That was why he always loved teasing you and making you laugh, to get that reaction and to see those emotions. He admired them. But in your grown-up state, he noticed that trait in you lessened. It was as if you were trained to wear a mask that would hide all your emotions. Even now, watching you sit there waiting for the unknown, you try to mask your emotions, hide them in a box and lock it. And discard the keys somewhere where no one can find it. And it hurt Phill to see you in this state. He couldn’t decide which one was worse; having you go through the trauma of facing your now abusive ex boyfriend, or that you were forced to masquerade your emotions.

“I knew the guy for like half an hour, but… yeah, I can say he seems like a dick.” He pursed his lips, but raised his eyebrows when he heard and felt you start to chuckle. “Pun intended” Phil smirked as he looked at you.

“He reminds me of a guy I met back when I first joined MARSOC,” Phil continued. You tore your teary eyes away from your hands and looked at him, listening intently.  “He was big and burly too, but he actually was much more considerate. Hated bullies. Always lending the rest of us a hand if he could see we were struggling.”

You held back a snort. You couldn’t imagine Richard enduring something like Marines training, much less being generous and looking out for others if his skin was on the line. But as a child so many years back, you also couldn’t imagine Phil joining an elite fighting team. Not because he couldn’t work in a team, but because you only saw him as your brother’s best friend who just seemed to play football and video games—not shoot guns and hunt down dangerous men. So, you asked him more. While your mother was off trying to calm your father down, and your brother was getting fresh air to cool down with Elaine, the two of you stayed on the couch. While he did, Bear padded over to both of you, laying down at your feet and surely feeling sleepy already. Phil finally had a chance to reminisce out loud on some of his training days and some missions with the MARSOC Raiders—at least the parts of them he was allowed to tell others about. He even remarked how he had left the Raiders, now working with others to form a new PMC, hence why he was back in Texas. 

While you sat listening and while your tears dried, you couldn’t help but feel admiration bloom inside your chest for him. Admiration and… something familiar you still couldn’t put your finger on. Yes, you were thrilled to have him back in your life, someone you might’ve called your best friend as a young girl. You felt some nostalgia, of course. You felt like you were truly back home for the first time, even after visiting home a few times already after moving in with Richard. Still, while he spoke and you listened intently, you couldn’t help but admire how his lips moved when he smirked as he remembered something cheeky he did, or how his brows furrowed tightly and his jaw clenched when a difficult memory flashed for him. Or how he’d sometimes run his hand across the side of his head, his light brown hair getting disheveled for just a few moments without his knowing. It made you smile for a few seconds before returning your focus to his words. But even while you concentrated on him and his stories, you couldn’t ignore the fluttering of butterflies in your stomach and the way your palms sweat when you noticed him gazing at you several times.

For a moment, it felt good to disconnect from your world, from the drama and yelling of your parents and Richard. Delving into Phil’s past several years away from your hometown felt like finding an oasis in a harsh, unforgiving desert. Your racing heart that you felt when Richard had glowered down at you in furious disbelief moments ago had diminished, now a comforting lull in your chest as you listened to Phil’s familiar voice. But it was short-lived, and it made you realize, yes, this was just one night, when your parents both walked in.

Your father’s face was less red, but the tired look in his eyes made you know that he was still disappointed. “Your mother and I are heading to bed.” He pursed his lips into a thin line when he looked at you. He had so much he wanted to say to you, so much he wanted to yell too. But your mother next to him nudged him with her elbow and cleared her throat. He shook himself out of his death stare and instead looked at the man beside you. “It was, uh… good to see you, Phillip. Please give your father my regards when you see him. It’s been a while since we’ve emailed each other.”

Phil nodded curtly but said nothing in response. Next to you, he could feel how tense you still were. He didn’t want this conversation to drag on any longer. Without another word, your parents left the living room, finally retiring to their bedroom up upstairs. But replacing your parents’ spot in the living room’s entrance came Matty and Elaine. 

Elaine yawned. “How are y’all not tired yet?” 

“We’re going to be heading to the guest room in a bit. But by all means, let me know if you need anything. Just knock on our door or give me a call. I’m here.” Matty gave you a reassuring smile. 

Phil glanced down at his watch—you remember it as the same rolex that his dad had given him for his sixteenth birthday and that Phil only begrudgingly accepted.

“Jesus, time sure flies. It’s already one in the morning.” He huffed, feigning sleepiness,  and looked at you with pursed lips. He placed an earnest hand over his chest. “I’m sorry to have kept you awake so long, [Y/N].” 

You shook your head frantically. “No, don’t apologize, Phil. Catching up on what you’ve been up to has meant the world to me.”

Hit with sudden realization, Phil widened his eyes slightly. “[Y/N], do you need a place to sleep tonight?” The thought of you returning to your hotel room with your furious ex-boyfriend made his chest tighten. 

You shook your head. “No, I’ll just be sleeping in Matty’s room for the rest of my stay. So I'll be hanging around here for a while.” You honestly weren’t in a rush to return to Seattle immediately, just to have to see Richard glowering at you from every corner of his apartment. He was going to have to find a new roommate quickly.

Your brother wrapped his arm warmly around Elaine, bringing her sleepy body closer to him comfortingly. “See you two around,” he said before turning around and heading up the same stairs your parents had climbed earlier.

Phil got up from the couch, and you followed. You straightened your skirt as he rubbed the back of his neck, almost sheepishly. “Really, I mean it. I hope I didn’t bore the hell out of you, [Y/N].”

The two of you began to walk to the front door, Phil pulling out his car keys from his pockets. “No, Phil. I’m being honest. Just getting to sit and hear you speak for a while has really helped me. I’m—I feel a lot better now. Thanks to you.” You watched as he opened the door but then you realized he also is technically only visiting town. “Wait. Do-do you have a place to stay?”

He paused. He shut the door that he had left slightly ajar before, as he turned to look at you. “Oh, yeah I’m staying back at my parents’ place. They rent out the first floor as an AirBnB sometimes, especially since they mostly spend time with my uncle in St. Augustine in Florida. But they’re letting me stay on the second floor now that I’m back home for a while as I work things out.” He smiled warmly. He couldn’t help but find it endearing how you worried where he was staying as well. 

You let out a soft sigh. “Good.” You were relieved to hear not only that he wasn’t staying in some sketchy motel but that it was back in his childhood home, where you and him had spent so much time watching TV and pranking Matty on your weekends off of school. 

He leans in slightly. “That’s right,” he said in a low voice. “If you wanna come by tomorrow, we can hang out. I’ll even cook you something.” He smirked. 

You felt your heart leap and your face heat up furiously. You prayed that he couldn’t tell how flustered you felt. You tried to play it off smoothly. You tried to suppress the huge grin from growing on your lips and said, “I’ll think about it.”

Phil nodded and turned the doorknob again, getting ready to head out. “You better, or I’ll come by and snatch you myself.”

Your heart did backflips again at this. The image of eating dinner with him flashed in your mind, and you felt like your brain was short-circuiting. But you had to say something back, you had to answer without melting down. You desperately kept your composure but let out an airy laugh, one you hoped didn’t give away your nerves. “Goodnight, Phil. I’ll see you later.” 

You followed him, stepping outside to your front porch as you watched him heading back to his black sedan parked by the side of the house. You couldn’t help but watch him as he walked with the same confident strides from when he was your childhood crush, his keys jangling in his hands. 

As he pressed his car key’s FOB and and his car beeped, unlocking, he turned and glanced at you. He felt breathless as he saw as your hair blew in the cool nighttime breeze. But he didn’t want to give away how he, too, was gazing at you for too long. “Go inside, [Y/N],” he laughed. “You’re gonna catch a cold like that.”

You groaned and rolled your eyes. “Just making sure you’re gonna head out safely, Phil,” you called back, feigning annoyance. He shook his head and chuckled as he stepped into his car, headlights turning on and engine rumbling. 

You turned around and headed back inside, closing the front door but quickly scampering to the window to look through the blinds until you saw his car disappear down the road. 

Even after chatting with him all night, you still couldn’t believe Phil Graves had somehow returned to your life.