#Like it wasn't that bad but still why say that. Maybe ill use the block function generously on this account though | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bawdybean · 1 year

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I saw you mention in the comments that you were also banned from the 30+ Fanfic Discord Server without warning or explanation. Would you be willing to share your story?

Sure why not. So I joined the server because I had several friends on there who were enjoying it, and then once I was there, a bunch MORE friends joined. It was nice for a bit, but I noticed quite quickly that there was one mod (Adela) who was... a bit aggressive. A hair trigger for correcting others but often did not follow the rules themselves- and that bothered me a lot due to previous fandom experience.

As an example, I invited a friend, and then left quite quickly because within a single day, Adela had come at them over their opinion on the ability of someone to write from a perspective they don't have (such as writing across genders etc). The mod apologized eventually and said they were very touchy about it because of a friend. Oookay. The flags were there but I chose to keep giving it a try. It is supposed to be a server full of adults (30+ is the whole point) and we were encouraged to act like adults- in the rules. But in practice, any phrase that any member or mod could interpret wrong was worthy of the mods reminding us not to do X Y o r Z because it might be offensive to someone. When I spoke up and asked that also maybe everyone could assume good intent as well? I was shushed and talked down to. I always felt that the mods were trying to "parent" the server. Adela in particular. One mod would tell me one thing and then Adela would come in HOURS later to correct both me and that mod.

Finally fed up with this I messaged the Server Owner Maryberry. I explained that I felt Adela was targeting some members of the server, and that I felt treated like a child, that ill intent was assumed in members actions first, but that Adela herself often did the things she corrected of others, even though they were not within the rules. I further explained that I had had a previous bad experience with a mod in a large server where I was a mod and that Adela bore a striking resemblance in behaviors. So in fairness part of it was me being set off by that. I asked if I was allowed to block a mod, because this is not explicitly stated in the rules but is the advice we/I would have given in much larger servers in case of a mod/member conflict. I also edxplained that several others had complained to me about Adela's behavior, including getting a DM from a server member I did not know, saying Adela was just like this and that Adela had treated her that way too, and she just wanted me to know I wasn't alone. I blacked out the persons name and passed that message along to Maryberry as well, naively thinking that perhaps they were too close to the situation and just not aware that they had a mod making a LOT of people uncomfortable. Maryberry asked if theycould tell Adela I had a problem with her, and i requested she not as I did not see how that would help in any way. They then requested time to think over if I should be allowed to block a mod. They decided I could, but that I would be at risk of missing messages that were important. I pointed out that I had a partner in the server who would relay those if needed, and that there was rarely if ever only a single mod on and proceeded to block Adella. Who continued to ping me with replies, respond to my comments (at times aggressively still), and all that came with that. I decided to stop speaking in the server because so often what I said drew attention from Adela, and with it criticism or unhelpful argument for the sake of argument. They have (had, idk if its still around) a public channel for asking questions and making suggestions for rule changes etc to the server, and one day someone was upset and requested a new rule that we not be allowed to make any jokes about any language we aren't a native speaker of (such as not being able to say: English can't verb, unless we are native English speaker. I chimed in that it might also be helpful to just assume good intent on the part of other server members and talk to them if they say something you feel is offensive since there is no real way to police if a person is a native speaker of a given language or not. And again a rule like that seemed unnecessarily "mommy-ing" of the adults in this server that claims to promote a mature atmosphere. Another mod responded to me, we all chatted in the channel things seemed fine. Adela came in hours later and scoured my ass, with a pinged reply. At this point I did behave poorly. I admit it. I unblocked Adela and DMd them that I had unblocked them specifically to let them know that I did not appreciate their behivior and that I was requesting that they no ping/reply/address me at all. I sent a screen shot of that DM to MaryBerry. I was not cruel, but I was BLUNT, and I did tell Adela that I did not appreciate her response. For transparency here is a shot of what I sent her.

what I then sent to the server owner

and the warning I received in response:

At this point I decided that the only way for me to be able to be present in the server was to be a lurker, watching and enjoying what my friends and partner participated in but not able to share anything myself. But I stayed because it was one server, where a lot of people I knew had congregated and so much easier than DMing 15 people to keep up with them. Then **4 months later** came the bruhaha that was referenced in part one of this blog. Adela broke rules again, it caused a stir and people spoke up, including me about this continuing to be an issue [mods not applying the rules to themselves or their friends] and retaliating against those who spoke up. One mod asked me in honestly in public chat why I stayed in the server if i did not feel i could even speak in it, and I answered honestly, that I stay because i know and am liked by many people here, and its nice to see what they are up to. Another mod suggested that perhaps I should evaluate if the server was a good fit for me since I didn't feel I could participate, and in that context it came off very much as "get out" to the point of other people asking as well in chat. I asked for clarification if I was being asked to leave the server of my own accord, and was told that no, that was a decision for me to make. I chose to stay, and was unceremoniously banned a day or two later without any further interaction from any mod, any notification, or warning. To be clear in the idk 9+ mo I was in the server I received one warning and I accepted it. As shown above. That was MONTHS before I was banned. When several of my friends asked why I was banned in open chat, the mods released their patented "we never ban without communicating why/warning/etc" and said that unfortunately I was banned for reasons "unrelated" to me questioning why the rules did not apply to the mods.

#fandom wank #30+ fanfic discord #age does not equal maturity.#fandom #discourse #mods behaving badly #make informed choices #discord drama #toxic culture #sure did save these receipts

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keephisname · 10 months

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8/2/23 @ 1:54 a.m.

So I guess it starts. I honestly don't know how to. It's the first time this has ever happened.

It's funny, because the only thing I can think about is how before this the worst thing to ever happen between me and you was arguing over who would pay for pizza at the beach house. We got into a screaming match about how great the other was, and how it was only fair that the other paid because they had already done so much. Robby had to come upstairs. he was the only one brave enough to step in between us if we were having an argument.

I keep thinking that wasn't too long ago. And then I remember it was nearly four years ago. And how much has changed in those four years. And ho win this moment, without you right beside me, I wish nothing more than to take all four of those years back.

I'm writing this like you died. I know you haven't, but I think a part of me has. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. When Carmen and the beach house happened was probably closest. It took me the whole rest of that summer to feel any sense of normalcy again. I remember how hard you defended me and my feelings in that moment. I wish you were still talking to me. Ha, again, I'm saying that like you've been gone for years. and it's only been, what, two fucking days? I feel pathetic.

I meant what I said. I tell you everything. And I guess I don't know how to function unless I'm telling you everything. So, that's why I'm doing this. This is my way of still telling you everything. And I guess so I can heal in some way from this. it hurts. It hurts so bad, dude.

Right now, only Clove and I know. Richie's asked about you. I don't know when we're going to tell him. I have to tell my mom too. This'll kill her. She's always seen you like her own. I guess Buzz doesn't know either. Fuck, that's gonna suck. Hell, I don't know who I should and shouldn't tell. I wanna yell it from the rooftops, just to see what you'll hear, who you'll hear it from, and find a way to still be connected to you. Instead, I'm still tagging you in TikToks, like you'll ever look at them. The only solace I get in any of this is you haven't blocked me. Maybe one day I'll follow you on this blog, and you can read everything I've written for you.

When I go back to school this year, I'm going to find a therapist too. The only option you've left me with -- since we can't grow together -- is to spend time growing on my own. it's the only thing I can see to do. It scares me, because what if you come back, and we're too different? if we've both grown in a way that my kids don't call you "uncle"? That you're not next to me when I get married? It's funny, I think -- I was gonna do that proposal before the end of this summer. You know, before tax season? Like we always talked about? That way we could both be engaged for our final year. it would've been so great to see the look on people's faces.

I think ill end these with what I'm listening to. You know I love my playlists. I made one about how I feel right now, like the dramatic emo idiot I am inside. I've got to find some My Chem to put in there, that'll really sell it.

I miss you. And I'll never stop.

xx,

Ms. U

#Spotify

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tada-no-honzuki · 2 years

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Ascendance of a Bookworm (24) Part 5 Volume 3 Chapter 7

This translation is not supposed to replace the official releases of the light novel series. Please purchase the official light novel when it becomes available!

Socializing with Royalty

Though I had added the advertisement on a whim, it didn't change the fact that I had been praised. By an unexpected stroke of good luck, I had earned myself a "Well done".

…it's a "Well done!". Ehehe!

As I indulged in the joy of seeing Ferdinand grin and the feeling of his hand resting on my head, Hannelore gave me a puzzled look and placed her hand on her cheek.

"Lady Rozemyne, you certainly look pleased."

"Indeed! Did you hear that? He said, "Well done". Unless our whole dormitory passes their written lessons on the first day, or I finish all my classes as quickly as possible while maintaining perfect grades, Lord Ferdinand won't praise me in such a way. Since he went to Ahrensbach, I feared he'd only ever be able to praise me through written communication, so I'm truly happy to have him praise me in person."

I had expected them to smile and say, "I'm so happy for you," but instead Sieglinde's and Hannelore's faces twitched.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"…no, I am just surprised how exceptionally strict his teachings are."

Sieglinde gave me a troubled smile as she forced the words out. Since he had always been like that, my senses had long been paralyzed, but apparently, Ferdinand's teaching was perceived as "exceptionally strict" by others.

…ah! Maybe she is thinking I'm being treated poorly again!?

"Ah, well, it might sound like he is exceptionally strict, but it's totally fine once you get used to it. Before he headed to Ahrensbach, he would allow me to read a new book whenever I finished one of my assignments. Lord Ferdinand is actually very kind."

…he may have been strict, but he isn't a bad person.

As I tried my best to emphasize Ferdinand's kindness, Sylvester laughed and waved his hand lightly.

"Reading the book was in fact her next assignment. Since she considers reading a reward, Rozemyne is probably the only one who can keep up with Ferdinand's way of teaching."

…what!? After I finished a practical assignment, he would hand me a book with the words, "Finish it by tomorrow, or I'll give you another assignment". So I thought he was rewarding me! I can't believe the reading itself was actually an assignment!?

As I opened my eyes to the truth, I noticed a group of black capes coming our way. Anastasius was at the head of the group. Eglantine wasn't with him this year, probably because she had work to do as a teacher. It was a little lonely.

"Oh, you have Royal visitors. Very well, we'll be on our way once we've exchanged our greetings."

Sieglinde and Hannelore stood up and tried to give up their seats, but as they did, Anastasius raised his hand.

"Wait. There is something I would like you to hear as well, Lady Sieglinde."

Told to stay, Sieglinde and Hannelore sat down again after exchanging greetings with Anastasius. At our round table, Sylvester sat to Anastasius' right, while Sieglinde sat to his left. Meanwhile, Sylvester sat to my left and Hannelore to my right.

"Lady Rozemyne, my apologies, could you make a shield of wind?" Anastasius asked. "In addition, we shall use a sound-blocking barrier. Everyone else shall stand back."

While Anastasius had his attendants prepare the magic tool, I made Schutzaria's shield. As no one in the vicinity was blasted away by my shield, it seemed that no one near us seemed to be harboring ill will or hostility. Still, Anastasius didn't only tell the attendants to leave after they finished preparing his tea and sweets, he also ordered all guard knights to step outside the sound-blocking barrier.

"You want the guard knights to step down too?" I asked.

"…yes. You will understand why soon enough." Anastasius replied.

Understanding he was probably going to report on the incident with the Sovereign knights who interfered with our ditter match, both Sieglinde and Sylvester agreed with Anastasius and told their retainers to step down. Sieglinde was the first to speak up once all retainers had left the barrier.

"These seem pretty strict measures. What is this about?" She asked.

"First of all, allow me to give you some advice," Anastasius said. "I have given several warnings, but there doesn't seem to be any improvement. I considered summoning their guardians to the Royal Academy, but eventually decided to wait until the Interduchy Tournament. When I finished my conversation with Klassenberg, I noticed you were sitting together, so I rushed over knowing I wouldn't get a better opportunity."

…um, so in short, this is the summons of the guardians of the problem children? Come to think of it, last year after the Ternisbefalen incident Ferdinand attended as my guardian instead of Sylvester. This makes me kind of nostalgic.

Last year seemed such a long time ago. As I looked around while relishing the feel of nostalgia, I noticed Sylvester, Sieglinde, and Hannelore all wore stiff faces and their bodies had tensed up in the face of the royal advice. I was the only one not feeling the gravity of the situation. So I hurriedly made a serious face too.

"As you are likely aware, Dunkelfelger and Ehrenfest are causing far too many problems," Anastasius said. "As much as the Royal Academy is a place that restricts parental interference to encourage children to grow, this has gone too far. Rozemyne and Hannelore, ever since you two enrolled, problems have arisen one after another and they are growing in scale by the year."

Before we enrolled, there were no disputes between Dunkelfelger and Ehrenfest, nor were there any quarrels involving multiple duchies. Incidentally, because Ehrenfest wasn't quickly rising through the ranks, the lesser and middle duchies had been acting much more amiable too.

"Prince Anastasius, may I ask you a question?" I asked.

"What?"

Although his gray eyes seemed to scream, "Don't interrupt me!", he still gave his permission.

"When you speak of disputes between Dunkelfelger and Ehrenfest, you mean the ditter matches?" I inquired.

"What else could it be?" He replied.

"I don't believe we deserve to be scolded for that."

As I said the words, Sylvester quickly tried to restrain me, "Rozemyne, do not argue with Royalty". I shook my head as I made eye contact with Sylvester, who honestly looked a little pale.

"Sylvester, whether it's Royalty or a greater duchy, they won't understand us if we do not clearly state our case." I retorted. "If we silently accept anything they say, it'll only lead to unnecessary misunderstandings and the spread of bad rumors. I think it's important to firmly state one's case before others end up misinterpreting a situation. Of course, I intend to choose my battles wisely."

As I looked around the people sitting at the table, Sylvester screamed, "And thus you chose to pick a battle with Dunkelfelger and Royalty!?".

"Yes," I answered. "Prince Anastasius has experienced firsthand the consequences of communicating through a third party, instead of directly conveying his thoughts to Lady Eglantine. And Dunkelfelger's First Lady has come to understand the importance of sharing information and prerequisites in our discussion just earlier."

Of course, I couldn't speak frankly with just anyone. My standards may be different from Sylvester's, but, in my way, I was carefully choosing my battles. I couldn't deny my standards may be wrong though.

"Rozemyne, there might be a point in what you say," Sylvester said. "but I need you to consider Ehrenfest's position a little bit more."

"Huh? But Prince Anastasius went out of his way to shut out his retainers because he wanted our honest opinion, didn't he?" I asked. "If he wanted us to silently listen, he wouldn't have gone through all the trouble to create this environment."

I pointed to Schutzaria's shield and the barrier created by the sound-blocking magic tool. With a pained expression on his face, Anastasius gave Sylvester a sympathetic look.

"Aub Ehrenfest, I completely understand how you must feel. But it is as Rozemyne says, what I want is your honest opinion. So, Rozemyne, why do you believe you don't deserve a scolding?"

"Neither I nor Hannelore ever thought or said we wanted to play ditter," I explained. "Isn't that right, Lady Hannelore?"

When I asked her opinion, Hannelore's body twitched. "Yes, I never wanted to play ditter", she said while nodding vigorously.

"I assume you still remember the incident that took place in my first year, Prince Anastasius?" I inquired. "Lord Lestilaut suddenly attacked me to become the Master of Schwarz and Weiss. It was Professor Rauffen who suggested we settle the matter through a game of ditter."

And in my second year, Aub Dunkelfelger was the cause. At the Interduchy Tournament, he insisted, "If you want the printing rights to Dunkelfelger's History Book, you have to defeat us in ditter", which led to a one-on-one battle between Ferdinand and Heisshitze. Though I wanted the printing rights, I would have preferred to settle the matter through a discussion.

In my third year, it was Lestilaut who pressed for a match in an attempt to cancel my engagement. If we hadn't accepted the match, Dunkelfelger most likely would have used their status as a greater duchy to pressure our Aub into agreeing.

"Hannelore and I got caught up in these events against our will," I said. "If you want to scold anyone, please scold the men of Dunkelfelger who abused their duchy's high-ranking status to force games of ditter upon Ehrenfest, which we could not refuse."

Anastasius looked at Dunkelfelger's First Lady with an indescribable look, then helplessly said, "Refuse them next time".

"Oh, we will," I said. "I was taught we could not defy a higher-ranking duchy. However Lady Sieglinde kindly permitted us to refuse any further ditter invitations, so you may rest assured that Ehrenfest won't be accepting any challenges from here on."

When I confidently turned to look at Sylvester beaming, "Look! We got royal permission to refuse. Everything will be fine now. " Sylvester held his head and froze in place. I had thought he would be over the moon to have "permission to refuse" from Royalty and Sieglinde, but for some reason, he appeared to be at his wit's end.

"Also, on behalf of all lower-ranking duchies, I would like to ask Royalty to be more reluctant to permit the use of training grounds to play ditter for non-course related purposes," I said. "Once permission is given, the lower-ranking duchy cannot refuse anymore. It would be very helpful if you could confirm the intentions of both parties beforehand, to avoid the need for any scolding after the fact."

Dunkelfelger's knights, who took every chance to play ditter, would make the initial arrangements, and Rauffen, the highest authority of the knight's course, was always more than happy to ask the Royal family for permission. No one ever considered the opinion of the lower-ranking duchies, which honestly didn't want to play ditter.

"Aub Ehrenfest. Would it truly be helpful to confirm the intentions of the lower-ranking duchy beforehand, as Rozemyne suggests?" Anastasius asked.

"…it most certainly would be helpful," Sylvester replied. "Depending on their relationship with the higher-ranking duchy, they may not be completely honest even if you ask for their opinion, which then may still result in an unwanted match. However, by showing you are willing to hear them out, you will develop a sense of appreciation and awareness that at the very least the royal family is looking out for them."

Anastasius nodded, "Hmm. I'll keep it in mind." I was sure this should reduce the number of ditter victims a little.

"Then, I apologize for the Sovereign knights' intrusion into the match," Anastasius said. "Those knights acted of their own accord, insisting that it was in the royal family's best interest to obtain the Saint for the Zent. Because Hildebrand indeed wished to help Rozemyne, who was troubled by Dunkelfelger's proposal, some believe that the knights mistook his wish for a royal order. Of course, because Hildebrand never gave a royal order, and they did involve some lesser and middle duchies, the knights will have to face the full consequences of their actions. They shall be punished severely."

Anastasius sighed. "Unfortunately we still don't know why they suddenly took such drastic actions." The three knights involved were central figures of the Sovereign knight's Order and had been among the people most trusted by the king. Apparently, he had taken quite a blow.

As the conversation moved on to discuss the rampaging knights, Sylvester and I looked at each other. This was a great opportunity to talk about truuk.

"Prince Anastasius, are you familiar with a plant known as truuk?" I asked.

"Rozemyne! That conversation can wait." Sylvester said, while gesturing to Sieglinde and Hannelore. I shook my head.

"I don't think we will find a better opportunity," I replied. "Should anything happen in Yürgenschmidt while the trustworthiness of the Sovereign Knights is still in dispute, there will be no one to rely on but the knights of Dunkelfelger. It is certainly annoying that everything and anything ends in a ditter match, but their strength is real and unrivaled by other duchies."

Considering their quick response to last year's assault and the fact they could receive a blessing through dancing, it would be for the best to inform Dunkelfelger as well. We weren't talking to the ditter-obsessed Aub right now. This was Sieglinde, who took care of the preparations and the aftermath for the men.

"I'm not overly familiar with truuk myself, so I'll leave the explanation to Sylvester."

I wasn't sure how much I was allowed to say about Ehrenfest's inner struggles, so I handed the conversation to Sylvester for a harmless and inoffensive reason.

"I've never heard of truuk. Have you heard of it in Dunkelfelger?" Anastasius asked.

"No, it's not something I'm familiar with. What kind of plant is it?" Sieglinde replied.

Sylvester, looking sick to his stomach, took a moment to steal his resolve and look up to meet Sieglinde's and Prince Anastasius' gaze.

"Truuk is a dangerous plant that has a strong intoxicating effect when burned in its dried form," Sylvester explained. "The sweet smell it spreads causes cloudiness of memory and hallucinations. ……I received a report from one of our knight apprentices that he smelled truuk on one of the captured knights when he exchanged greetings with Prince Anastasius after the ditter match. For that reason, we believe there is a high chance someone used truuk to manipulate the Sovereign knights."

Both Anastasius and Sieglinde opened their eyes wide in shock.

"Tell us more, Aub Ehrenfest!" Anastasius instructed.

Though Anastasius and Sieglinde were dying for more information, Sylvester sadly shook his head.

"Ehrenfest isn't overly familiar with it either." He admitted. "It was once used in Ehrenfest during a secret meeting by a group of traitors that were corroborating with another duchy to erase any memories that could serve as evidence of their rebellion. The knight apprentice who smelled the truuk on the captured knight was invited to the aforementioned secret meeting with his parents. Though, he immediately left the scene because he was still a minor. He later testified that even though it was summer, the fireplace had been on and the room had been filled with a sweet smell. Based on the cloudiness of the memories of the traitors one of my scholars suggested truuk might have been used."

It seems that the scholar who had noticed was over fifty years old. The professor who taught his pharmacology course had retired while he was attending the Royal Academy.

"He had been told it was hard to come by and certainly would never use it, but needed to remember it nonetheless," Sylvester explained. "He could not tell me its place of origin, but stressed it does not grow in Ehrenfest. If you wish to know more, I advise you to consult a scholar even older than him, who took the Pharmacology course, or delve into the Sovereignty's vast collection of materials. I'm afraid Ehrenfest doesn't have any more information."

Anastasius looked at Sylvester with a serious face and nodded, "I see. Then, Aub Ehrenfest, you said that the traitors were corroborating with another duchy. Which duchy would that be? That's what I'm most curious about right now."

I could feel the tension rising. After a short silence, Sylvester spoke up.

" ……that would be Ahrensbach, where my older sister Georgine reigns as the First Lady."

A heavy silence filled the air.

"Prince Anastasius, that's all I can tell you." Sylvester said.

"…I appreciate the cooperation," Anastasius said. "Ehrenfest's services have already proven immeasurable."

He went on to explain that thanks to the mana that was gathered during the dedication ritual, they had been able to revive several important magic tools. The Zent had even been able to get some rest over the last few days after pouring the mana into various places.

"My father is immensely grateful to Ehrenfest for carefully protecting Rozemyne, and the Temple rituals," Anastasius said. "If you wish, Ehrenfest's ranking could rise significantly next year, but… Aub Ehrenfest, what do you think?"

Anastasius peered at Sylvester with his grey eyes. It was a quiet, yet stern look. Almost as if he were trying to ascertain whether Sylvester could give an answer befitting of an archduke. Looking straight at the prince with his deep green eyes, Sylvester opened his mouth.

"…I would prefer to maintain our current rank. As previously pointed out by both Royalty and Dunkerfelger, there are still few nobles in Ehrenfest who know how to properly conduct themselves as a higher-ranking duchy. The only ones to my knowledge would be Ferdinand, who associated with higher-ranking duchies while somewhat distancing himself from Ehrenfest, and Rozemyne and her retainers, who were taught by him."

If our rank went up any further, we would be expected to conduct ourselves as a higher-ranking duchy. However, while we were still struggling to unify Ehrenfest, we could not afford to dedicate manpower to Interduchy Politics.

"Instead I pray that Ehrenfest's recent services may offset our decision to not aid the Zent during the previous Civil War and that we shall be rewarded accordingly." Sylvester said.

"…that's not a bad idea. I'll discuss it with the Zent."

Anastasius nodded in agreement to Sylvester's suggestion, that instead of raising our duchy's rank at the next Archduke Conference, Ehrenfest shall henceforth be treated like one of the winners of the Civil War.

"Then, this is a request from the royal family." Anastasius continued. "We would like Hannelore and Rozemyne to visit the Royal Academy's Library for the duration of the Archduke Conference."

Since the royal family wished to visit the archive during that time, they needed us, the keepers of the keys, to be there.

"I don't mind, but weren't our keys going to be transferred to two Sovereign archscholars?" I asked.

"Yes, that was the original plan," Anastasius replied. "However, we concluded it would be better to leave the keys with you both, since you won't be participating in the Archduke Conference and more importantly, we have no reason to suspect you harbor ill will or traitorous thoughts. Can we count on you?"

The Sovereign knights we likely manipulated with truuk. No one could say with absolute certainty that the same would not happen to a scholar.

"Leave it to us!" When I passionately accepted his request, Hannelore nodded too after a moment of thought.

"I'm not as proficient in the old language as Lady Rozemyne, but there is a ritual I would personally like to research as well. If you believe my presence will benefit the royal family, I shall be happy to cooperate."

Hearing our replies, Anastasius turned his gaze to our guardians. Sylvester and Sieglinde nodded in approval.

"Prince Anastasius, will I be allowed to enter the archive?" I asked excitedly.

That's what mattered most to me. Anastasius glanced at Sylvester, and nodded, "Of course. During the Archduke Conference, your guardian can come and drag you out, even if I don't."

As Anastasius referenced the incident where I holed up in the archive, outside of the reach of my retainers, and caused a lot of trouble for the two princes, I let out an audible gasp, and Sylvester, looking pale as a sheet, started to apologize.

"I heard that my book-obsessed daughter caused you and your brother a lot of trouble. Please accept my sincere apologies. We are doing what we can, but the impact of losing one of the Eternal Five has been significant. I sincerely hope she will learn how to soothe the raging Ewigeliebe when he misses Geduldh.

Anastasius looked at me with a very sour face as Sylvester apologized profusely, then murmured, "So Ferdinand was holding her reins?".

…huh? What did that mean?

Unlike me, Anastasius and Sylvester seemed to understand each other perfectly. As I tilted my head in confusion, they put a hand to their foreheads in dismay.

"I see. I understand what you're saying, but what's done is done." Anastasius said. "According to the scholars that visited Ahrensbach earlier, he is already taking care of most of the work by himself. They are delighted that the duchy's state of affairs is starting to look up. If we pull out Ferdinand, Ahrensbach will fall apart."

According to Anastasius, right now, the only open Country Gate was located in the sea of Ahrensbach. Due to the loss of Gruttrisheit, no other gates could be opened, and Ahrensbach was single-handedly taking care of all dealings with the foreign country. Of course, this also meant the Country Gate could not be closed in an emergency.

"Is the foreign country causing any trouble?" I asked.

"…we may have a major conflict with Lanzenave brewing."

Anastasius' words reminded me that Ferdinand had written in his letter that the princess of Adalgisa would soon be arriving.

"Though I suppose it has little to do with you…" Anastasius mumbled.

Certainly, the coming of a princess to Adalgisa's villa had nothing to do with me or with Ehrenfest. However, Ferdinand, a fruit of Adalgisa, was in Ahrensbach, the first point of contact. We were not entirely bystanders.

"Lord Ferdinand is in Ahrensbach. So it's not entirely unrelated to Ehrenfest. Please inform me should anything happen. I will race over to help Lord Ferdinand."

"I can only see how that will escalate the situation!"

For some reason, Anastasius and Sylvester yelled the same words.

#Translation #P5V3

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skydalorian · 1 year

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Can't read what you responded to me, but oh well. You're 29, grow up. Did the DARE program traumatize you that bad? There are way more dangerous, and ILLEGAL vices. Getting inebriated isn't morally wrong. Although if you're a bible person, maybe that's why you think it is. And it doesn't matter how you get inebriated. Just drink responsibly and in moderation. You were gonna mention something about me saying it's not like cigarettes. I assume you said something like "it does hurt the people around you" yeah, if YOU do something. Again, drink responsibly, second hand intoxication isn't a thing, like smoking, which can give those AROUND you CANCER. What you do to other people while drunk is your responsibility. There are plenty of adults who drink wine every day because their doctors literally told them too. But drinking everyday is considered excessive. I'm just saying, be a grown up, put on your mature brain hat, and think about things from a neutral stand point and not your personal experiences

Idk why you can't read it, I didn't block you and the response is still there for me...tumblr has consistently been removing the images or comments or even notes on things I reply to sometimes, so it might be on their end?? Regardless, I'm sorry, I haven't tried to erase the response or silence you.

I'm coming from a two week relapse after being harassed at work, I'm more than aware of the personal responsibility of the decision to drink. I'm more than aware that it's not comparable to cigarettes in terms of how it does harm.

I wasn't traumatized by the DARE program wtf?? I endorse people using drugs responsibly, especially when they're drugs that are vilified for other reasons than their reality of their harmfulness/harmlessness.

Much of my frustration stems from the fact that your comment seems targeted toward those who are drinking irresponsibly with capricious intention and could make a choice otherwise. However, the video was intended for those struggling with addiction and much of the comments are filled with those who are addicted and struggling with mental illness versus those who are baffled by the idea of someone drinking everyday, who don't seem to understand that it's a whole other animal when you're addicted. I admit much of my reaction was already hyper-defensive because the comments section has been a nightmare there. That said, I still don't agree with what you said or what you are saying, as it seems to weaponise an ignorance toward the realities of addiction and how it nearly always has a foundation upon uncontrollable mental illness and not, like, immaturity or an inability to just pull up your big boy pants.

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lovingcorleone · 3 years

Text

“Stronger Together, Weaker Without” — Michael Corleone x Reader

(gifcredit)

Summary: Y/N and Michael were put into a difficult situation, when unexpected things happened just before their wedding.

Pairing: Michael Corleone x Fem!Reader

Request: "Hello could you do one where Michael Corleone and his wife are having a difficult time at the wedding and are trying to talk to resolve it?" — @loveilovetoo

Author's note: (English is my second language.) ; I needed to overcome writer's block, and that's why it took me so long - my sincere apologies! I really hope you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Warning: strong language, sappy conversation?

STRONGER TOGETHER, WEAKER WITHOUT

Friday, the day before wedding.

It is safe to say that many things went wrong on your and Michael's wedding weekend. It all started a day before the ceremony and you weren't sure what to think about it. First, the main bridesmaid, your best friend B/F/N, called you early in the morning, telling that she was sorry but she didn't feel twice as good and probably caught some illness. That would be okay, it wasn't a big deal, because these things just happen and you cannot really prevent them. Little did you know that it was only the beginning of a nightmare.

With this information you went right to Michael to tell him the news, but he only assured you that, yes, it was dissapointing, but nothing that couldn't be solved easily. You only wished this was the first and also the last unpleasant thing of the whole wedding. Another suprise came later in the afternoon when Michael got a call from Tom. Your soon to-be husband was hesistant at first if he should tell you that place where you two were suppossed to have your first dance as married couple, was completely burned down. He quietly came to you and gave you a tight hug. „I have good and bad news.“ he started, „I guess you want to hear the bad news first, huh?“ You pulled back from his hug and gave him worried look. „What happened?“ „So ... the thing is that our venue is gone. Burned down. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But! The good news is that people who did that are already caught.“ After he had spoken, you were speechless. You couldn't find the words. You blankly stared at Michael, then turned away from him and hugged yourself. „Why would someone do that? Why? We deserve to be happy too, why can't we be?!“ you raised your voice a bit and a few tears escaped from your eyes from pure frustration. Your fiancé was desperate just as much as you were. His blood was boiling, but he knew he should be calm and supportive. Michael was heartbroken too. It was supposed to be his happiest weekend in his life.

Fortunately, your day ended without any more complications. You couldn't sleep with Michael in the same room, because tradition clearly said that it was forbidden and it brings bad luck, so you two just called each other that night. „Everything will be just fine. I promise you that. No one will take away our wedding day from us.“ „Michael, that sounded a bit threatening..“ you laughed, „But yeah. Tomorrow's about us.“

Saturday, Wedding Day, 6:00am.

You didn't have to wake up that early, but the thing was that, you had a very strong feeling that you should be fully awake no matter what. Also, around 7:15am Connie and Sandra promised you to come and start with your preparation for your big day. By that time you were just sitting on your bed watching sun rising up through your window. The bed felt so lonely without Michael in it. You got used to falling asleep and waking up next to him. You wondered if he was still sleeping.

In the middle of your showering, there was a loud knock on the door followed by excited voices of two girls mentioned above. „Come on, sleepyhead. We need you to get ready!“ said Connie with joyful voice. You opened the door with a towel covering your body and wet hair. „About damn time, dear. I hope you slept enough, because I'm sure that right after wedding there will be no sleep for you.“ continued Sandra and winked at you giving you a sign what she really meant by it. You giggled and hugged both of them. „Thanks. Thanks a lot for helping me. I don't know what would I do without you two.“ you sighed and sat at the chair in front of big mirror. It took Sandra about one hour to make your hair looking like it belonged to a princess. It was exactly what you wanted. Then it was Connie's turn with doing your make-up and, of course, it turned out even better than you expected. All of you were so satisfied with final result. Then you put on your dress. Now, you looked like a real princess. Your B/F/N was the one who helped you decide which dress was, metaphorically, made for you. Even though, she couldn't be there with you, the dress reminded you of her. For a minute, all your troubles suddenly disappeared and you were filled with pure joy.

Your silent admiration of your look was however interrupted by someone knocking on the door. Connie was the closest person to it so she carefully opened, but only her face was seen, in case if it was Michael looking for you. Luckily, it was not Michael, but his brother. Which was not good scenario either. „Sonny? Don't you have a work to do?“ Connie asked in quite annoyed voice, because he obviously interrupted their –girls moment-. Sonny was visibly nervous and his hairline was covered in drops of sweat. His sister could swear she saw a glimpse of fear in his eyes. „I need to speak to Y/N. Like right now.“ he said urgently and tried to step into the room, but Connie didn't let him to do so. „C'mon Connie. Just let me in...“ „Who's that?“ you asked with a raised voice so the person on the other side of the door could hear you.

„It's Sonny. I need to tell you somethin'.“ You nodded to Connie that she could let him in. He didn't hesitate and made his way right to you. His first reaction was adorable, because his look fell on your dress and then on your face. He widely smiled ready to give you some cheeky compliment, but he quickly remembered why he came there. „Okay, now, don't be mad.“ As he said that, your happy face dropped. „Everytime when someone says „Don't be mad.“, something really bad happened. I hope this is not that case.“ He made a squinted face and took a deep breath. „Look... aaagh...Something happened.“ „Continue...“ „You know.. your wedding rings...Well...ughh...they are kind of gone. We can't find them and we looked for them everywhere.“ he finally admitted as you fell down on your chair. „Oh my god.“ Sandra whispered and ran to hug you and Connie's jaw dropped down. „But ..how..? They were put in a safe place. Does Michael know?“ Sonny scratched the back of his head. „Tom and Fredo are tellin' him now.“

You felt your chest got tight and it was a bit harder for you to breathe. „Bridesmaid's ill, the venue is gone and so are the rings.“ you whispered holding back tears. For a moment there was a tense silence, and everyone in the room felt kind of embarrassed. The best day of your life turned out to be the worst. Connie didn't even had a chance to comfort you because you stood up with emotionless face and went to the door. You were about to stepped out of room, but Sonny gently grabbed your elbow. „Where are you going? You can't see Michael. It's a tradition..“ You angrily glared at him „Fuck tradition. I need to talk with Michael.“ Sonny let go of you very quickly and felt ashamed of his words. The situation was way more important than some tradition.

Your soon-to-be husband had the same idea. He was on his way to your room when you two bumped into each other at the corner.

„Our rings are gone.“ both of you said at the same time and he pulled you into a hug. Though his mind was full of emotions and mostly full of anger, he did notice how incredibly beautiful you were. Of course, for him you were beautiful everyday, but seeing you in wedding dress made him tear up a bit. He then suggested to move to some empty room so you could talk in private. You sat on a bed and Michael joined you. His arm hugged you over your shoulders and you gently put your head on his chest. After overcoming primary shock, you spoke first. „I don't feel like this is all just stupid coincidence.“ you sobbed and let the tears make their own way down your cheeks. „Then what do you think it is?“ he asked quietly. You raised your head and looked into his eyes. „What if this is a bad sign? At the moment, I feel like everything is ruined and we are just helplessly standing in the middle of the chaos not knowing what to do. What if we are not meant to be married.“ your voice broke and you couldn't keep looking into his eyes anymore. His arm fell off of your shoulders. He wiped away his own tears and got down on his knees grabbing your hands, which made you look at him. „So? Even if we are not meant to get married, that doesn't mean that we are not meant to be together, Y/N. I believe in us. But I need you to believe in us too.“ His voice was steady but you could hear how hard he tried to remain being steady. Not only your heart was breaking, his was too. Some couples would turn this situation into a humorous one, but for you and Michael, it was really serious. You sniffled and bit your lip. „I believe in us too. But these things don't happen without a reason. I just- I don't know.“ „I love you. Do you love me?“ You were shocked by his question. „Of course, I do. You are my everything, Mike.“ you sobbed again and his finger moved to your face and wiped away new tears. „You are my everything too. And I know how long you've dreamed about this day. We can cancel it if you want. Or we will face this very eventful day together. Like we always do with everything that crosses our path. How does that sound to you, hm?“ a very faint smile appeared on his lips. He made a good point. You could've run from it or face it. „The venue is destroyed, we don't have our rings and we also broke the tradition...Every single thing is against us. Maybe marriage can break this curse or whatever it is. Maybe we should shoot our shot.“ your lips formed into a weak smile. He took your face into his hands and kissed you softly. Then he added: „We will be okay. From now on.“

#michael corleone #michael corleone imagine #michael corleone x reader #al pacino #the godfather x reader #the godfather imagine #the godfather #oneshot

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sunfoxfic · 2 years

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Hey, so feel free to ignore this if you’d like, but I just wanted to hear your take on the whole Alya situation in the cafeteria scene, because how people are reacting to it have me. Really anxious. People are allowed to have their opinions of course, but I’ve seen a lot of people get really aggressive and call these kids (mostly Alya and Nino, to be frank) all sorts of things (post in the Nino tag calling him a “f*cker” (they were blocked on sight, but still, eugh), a handful of “b*tch” towards Alya along with the “c*nt” I saw someone call her on Instagram, and maybe it’s silly to get genuinely stressed by people insulting fictional characters, but I think it’s mostly that they’re children, and they’re children who simply don’t have the information necessary to get exactly what’s going down. It just makes me feel disturbed when I read it, if that makes sense. Sorry for the rambling, and if you do respond, thank you and have a good day!

I mostly stay off Instagram for this reason, but I have heard whispers of the salt and seen good-faith criticism about it and here's where I'm at:

I don't think Alya was wrong.

I think Alya was poorly written.

Not in general! I love Alya's character, and I love Alya, but in this episode, I do agree that she took a really weird role. Even if she couldn't know for certain that Lila was always lying, she should have been able to realize, "Oh, Marinette didn't like Lila from the moment they met, and... Oh yeah! Lila was doing an interview with me about how she met Ladybug! And... she says that she's Ladybug's best friend.... but I'm Ladybug's best friend so why would she say that....?"

Alya should have known logically that Marinette's disdain of Lila isn't based on bad vibes alone, and so the fact that Alya overstated the whole jealousy thing comes off as really, really out of place.

Now, I was talking about this on a Discord server, and in comparison to Nino, I think she's the only poorly written character, and I think Nino's character proves that she could have been well written.

Nino says, when they're at the table with Marinette, something to the tune of, "If Adrien didn't want to be a model, he would have told me, his best friend." Which makes sense. In Rocketear, Nino said to Adrien's face that he thinks Chat Noir is annoying. Was he being honest? Probably not. He was more than likely being emotional and dramatic. But he said it, when Adrien already wasn't in a good place, self-esteem-wise.

So Adrien is pulling away from Nino, because he thinks that Nino thinks he's annoying. Nino doesn't know that he said something ill of Adrien to his face. He doesn't know that maybe Adrien wouldn't say something like that. (And as we saw in Wishmaker, Adrien doesn't want to be a model forever -- he doesn't know what he wants to do.)

Of course Nino isn't going to be able to defend what Adrien actually wants, and the logic he uses to defend what he thinks Adrien wants is sound. Adrien's always stuffed in his room, so it would be an amazing opportunity to travel the world! He clearly has Adrien's interests in mind.

How does that relate to Alya, then?

Well, she could have been given just as solid of a reason to believe that Adrien would want to go as Nino has.

Normally I do not complain about Miraculous not doing enough. They are limited on budget, episode number, and time, and I know this, and the fact is that given what they have, they probably do more with it than most other people would be able to.

But I really think they could have spared an episode this season for some bonding (or not bonding) between Adrien and Alya, where Alya is led to believe that Adrien would want to go.

So much of Adrien's arc this season has been about isolation from everyone around him -- in Mega Leech, Gabriel. In Sentibubbler, Ladybug. In Queen Banana, Chloé. In Rocketear, Nino.

If they'd taken an episode -- they could nixed Simpleman, honestly -- and established that Adrien feels isolated from Alya, and given Alya reason to believe that Adrien wants to go away, they could have used that as justification for why Alya is telling Marinette to leave Adrien alone.

When criticizing characters, especially characters of color, it's important to look at the characters not as people but as props. Don't get me wrong, sometimes you need to look at them as people, but if you look at them solely as people then you'll sometimes reach the conclusion that they're bad people, when often you have to ask why a specific type of character is chosen to perform bad actions. They could have written Alya as doing something else, taking her own risks. They could have placed another character there. They could have had Alya slyly affirming her, just a simple nod, or telling her straight up to use her Miraculous, that no one will listen to anyone but Ladybug. They didn't. Why didn't they? Why did they choose her to take the role of bad guy?

I'm not saying the writers specifically wanted to make Alya evil, because I don't. I have no reason to believe that this is a mistake that Marinette will not forgive. On an in-universe level, should Marinette forgive it? I dunno, but I don't think it would be great if they wrote Marinette into holding a grudge, because enough people already do that against Black women (and Black people in general). But I am saying that the writers have been insensitive to the role they've given Alya in the past, and I see no reason why they won't continue doing that going forward.

Or, to put it in other words:

If there was a TV show where one character was known to be a terrible person, fans would not like that character. But if that character was also Black, or otherwise non-white, the question would be why that character is written as a terrible person.

Salters are already interpreting things in bad faith, but even with bad faith assumptions (i.e. Alya is a terrible friend who should support Marinette always and she's a bad person for not doing so), you can question why Alya specifically is being written as a terrible friend. (Again, I don't agree that she's being written as a terrible friend overall, but she was written to make a mistake, and I do wonder why they assigned that mistake to her when there were other options.)

But, good faith interpretation, is Alya in the wrong? Yes. Is she a bad person? No. Assuming that she and Marinette never had a conversation about Lila to clear the air, and Alya never had the chance to put 2 and 2 together, and she still thinks the other lies that Lila told are too far-fetched to have been made up, she just didn't know the full context, which means that she can learn and grow and apologize and things can go back to normal.

It's a sticky situation, anon, so just know that even if the salters are "correct," they exist within an echo chamber of negativity that should not pull you down, and even if she was in the wrong for what she did -- which, again, holding against her feels really weird because she's a female Black fictional character who is assigned a role by mostly white dudes -- making one mistake is far far from irredeemable, and as we saw at the beginning of the episode and in the dodgeball game, she does so much for Marinette.

For more reading about Alya's character and racism in the writing of it, I suggest this post.

#asks answered #anonymous #ml fandom salt #ml spoilers #risk spoilers #racism #i'm not putting this in the main s//lt tag but if you need me to then just say so #i really try to stay away from negativity about the show bc it usually develops into something worse #but i do know that there are serious representational issues within this show especially about alya #which i really really try to write out of existence in my own fics #not by ignoring canon but by transforming it #and i guess it's possible that we missed something in penalteam which recontextualizes this episode?#i'll revisit this if we did but i doubt it

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tastyykpop · 4 years

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𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

•pairings: enemy, barista and student!jaemin x student and barista!reader

♡𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡♡

<next>

•warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming, crying kink, hair pulling, choking, small praising, small size kink, degradation (slut, whore), dumbification (sexual and non sexual use) nanas kinda mean :( but gets a lil nicer :), jaemin refers to himself as nana a lot mostly when they do the dirty, bulging kink, pet names (princess, baby, baby girl, little girl, pretty girl), unprotected sex (please be safe), slight face slapping (he slaps her once), rough sex clearly, some sexual tension, I hope i got everything

You were fuming!

The boy in front of you not even batting an eyelash, just laughing at the mess dripping down your face.

You smelt like an iced americano.

People around you held their hands to their mouths in shock and others tried to hold back their laughter. Some even pointed at you or gave sympathetic looks.

It wasnt like people were surprised anymore. Jaemin always had something up his sleeve for you. But he never went as far as pouring his coffee on you.

"Aw poor baby. Do you need a napkin?" He faked sympathy with a pout and his friends began laughing. You just got up and walk by them, making sure to bump into jaemins shoulder on your way through.

It was almost everyday that Jaemin would do something so uncalled for. It was like he was made to push your buttons. Even as you're walking out of the college building, you can still hear the boy laughing at you. Or maybe it was the other students. Either way, you wanted to kill him.

As you trudged towards your car, a sense of relief washed over you. A great happiness that only comes when you finished your classes and could go home. Only this happiness stayed for a good 2 hours until you have to go to your part time job at the cafe with your favorite person of course. But its not like you can quit. You need the money so you can live and get the education you need, no matter how hard it is being with him.

It was then when you sat in your car and the squishing in the seat made your face curl into a scowl, only made you think of ways to get away with murder. It was gross really. The seats were sticky, plus your hair and clothes were sticking to you like lip gloss. A shower would be perfect right about now.

"Hi y- oh..." Your roommate, jimin, stared at your messy state. Giving you a good up and down before shrugging his shoulders, "jaemin?"

You sighed, walking over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, "Who else? Its always him."

Jimin gave you a small smile and came closer as if ready to hug you but didn't because he didn't want to get sticky. "You know, maybe you should quit that job."

"No."

He groaned and snatched the water that you were about to sip, "Why? You'd only see jaemin in school. And you wouldnt have to stick with his bickering in work." He huffed, shaking his head, "Girls are so difficult sometimes."

You tried leaping up to grab the bottle from jimin, but all he did was hold it above his head. You stomped on his foot in return. Jimin huddled over and you snatched the bottle, smirking with victory as you put it to your lips.

"You fucking snake." Jimin hissed in pain.

A laugh fell from your lips as you walked by him, completely ignoring his words and his pain, "Im gonna take a shower."

Once you got to your room, the first thing you did was grab your work clothes, a towel, and underwear and got ready for the warm shower.

After you switched on the water and let it heat up, you stepped in and immediately felt at peace as the water cascaded over your body, cleaning off the almost dried coffee. Your hair felt lighter, like a feather and your fingers could now slip through the strands easily without an issue. The scent of your body wash overpowered the coffee smell and you felt much better. Water, soap, and coffee were beginning to fill the drain as you finished washing up. You rolled your eyes at the sight of the murky water. What a bastard.

For once you were actually happy to wear your work clothes after what had happened earlier. The clothes actually felt comfortable and jimin was becoming more and more confused as to why you were hugging yourself with a huge smile on the couch.

"No one should be that happy after a shower." He started flipping through channels on the t.v.

"Dont tell me how to feel, I dont smell like jaemins coffee anymore." You gushed overdramtically. Jimin could only role his eyes.

"Please...you act like he's a demon of some sort."

You squinted your eyes at jimin and flared your nostrils, "he is. Hes a nasty, dumb, annoying, self centered-"

"Okay okay I get it! You hate jaemin! The funny thing is you can never get his name out of your mouth." Everything stopped and your head snapped in jimins directions.

"What are you saying?" A frown found itself on your face, jimin leaned closer.

"Im saying that maybe you might like him."

You shrieked in disgust, blocking your ears with your hands. Jimin laughed at your reaction. Almost falling off the couch in the process. "Ew! Gross! Why would you even think that!"

"Like I said, you can never get his name out of your mouth. I think its pretty obvious you like him." He was still giggling at you except your face was anything but happy, more grossed out at how he thought you could like such a person

"I can't stand you. I'm leaving for work." You stood up and jimin did nothing to stop you from going. Even though you still had about 15 minutes until you normally leave. "Ill be back at 9." The door slammed behind you, leaving jimin alone with another laughing fit.

You got in the car and drove off to your work, still trying to come up with a reason as to why jimin is saying all this. Sure maybe you talk about jaemin a little lot but that doesn't mean you like him. Its very much the opposite and jimin should know that. It only frustrates you the more you think about it. Liking someone like jaemin? Please. That would be your nightmare.

As you pulled up to the cafe, there were only a few other cars parked. Few were from other workers but the majority were most like customers or people just trying to get a free parking space. Lucky for you, there were many open spaces, unlike when you come later and they're filled. Maybe leaving earlier wasnt such a bad idea. It saved you the 3 minute walk.

"Y/n! You're just on time!" One of your coworkers, irene, called out as you stepped inside the shop. "We need help back here!" You had no time to even begin to say your shift hasn't started yet when irene took you by the hand and dragged you to where the coffee was being made. "We have a bunch of online orders coming in so can you please help us with the coffee and food?" She tossed you a brown apron for you to put on and you nodded, trying to get your brain to speed up with everything in the world.

It was so quiet when you walked in that you never even realized that the back was busy. Coffee cups were filled and put into trays for orders, food was being heated or baked. It was a chaotic place right now and all you could do was help. So as fast as you could, you began with the first order on the screen. A large mocha with extra extra sugar, whipped cream, and chocolate curls. Easy enough you thought as you reached for a cup but a hand beat you to it.

Your eyes looked up at the person in front of you and just when you thought everything was going fine, it wasn't, "What are you doing here so early?" You asked bitterly.

"I always come in early. What are you doing here so early?" Jaemin asked whilst holding a death grip on the cup.

"Just felt like coming early." You muttered, watching as jaemin turned away with a scoff, quickly cutting the conversation short. "Bastard."

Jaemin was busy making what you were originally going to do, so you looked for another order to get ready. It was just two cake pops and a small strawberry banana smoothie. Something you've been craving recently from the lack of sweetness and fruit in your day to day life.

The cake pops and smoothie were quick to make and were soon sent off to the customer. You happily beamed and wished them good day once they left.

After then there was a familiar face with a friend right next to him, he was quite handsome you must say. He was indeed so handsome that he just looked unreal. "Hey jimin. Whose this?" You nodded towards the bright black haired man.

"This is taemin! He wanted some coffee so I brought him- hey stop staring at him!" Jimin snapped you out of your trance and taemin chuckled.

"Its okay shes cute." He eye smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth. He's definitely not real.

Jimin tsk'd, "Until you get to know her."

"Yeah yeah... whatever." You smiled at him, completely oblivious to what he just said.

They both ordered and took a seat next to the window. You were still staring at taemin with your head in your hand until someone tapped your shoulder, "Who are they?" Jaemins voice rang in your ears, making you stand up straight.

"Thats my roommate, jimin, and his friend taemin." You glanced back at the boys, mainly at taemin and just stared like he was your first crush.

"Quit staring your gonna scare him away." Jaemin said earning himself a chuckle from you.

You stuck your tongue out, "He called me cute."

The boy smirked from ear to ear and leaned in close to your face, "He was lying." You grumbled and pushed him away from you, getting annoyed by his presence very quickly.

"Jaemin and y/n, get back to work we have orders to do!" Irene called out. Both of you quickly returning to your stations and getting things ready.

"Look at him. Hes basically waiting for me to come over to him." Seulgi, another person in this school you dispise, said as she looked at jaemin in the back of the room. She wasn't very quiet either considering you were only a few seats away from him. So it only meant that jaemin could hear her, but chose to ignore it. Typical boy.

"Honestly. He looks so good today too." Sana, her best friend, commented.

"Oh and did you hear what he was planning on doing today to y/n? Apparently he's gonna-"

"Class get back in your seats, we have much to discuss." The professor stood in the front of the class. Everyone shifted and moved to their appropriate places and waited for the teacher to begin. Unlike you, who was wondering what seulgi was going to say next. If its something worse than coffee being poured on your head, you may just have to bury yourself six feet under after this.

As you were taking notes something flung towards your head and hit you on the side, looking over was jaemin with a smirk was he held his fingers in a sling shot shape. A rubber band was laying on your lap. Then another one. One even hit your cheek creating a small smack sound as you winced in pain. Oh you desperately wanted to get out of this seat and punch the boy in the face.

"Excuse me sir!" You called out, raising your head. The whole class looked at you and your cheeks began to heat up. "May i go to the restroom?" The professor nodded and you headed out. Not until you stopped in your tracks from a loud smack to your butt, causing the whole class to turn around again.

Jaemin was enjoying this, the way you stared at him with wide eyes and open mouth, made him just want to do it again. He never thought this reaction from you would be so entertaining and he tried his best not show it, with only a small smirk covering his face.

You rushed out of the room, faster than ever and leaned against the nearest surface you could find. Not only were you questioning reality, but also why jaemin just did that.

"That little bitch." You said to yourself as you paced back and forth in the hallway, staring at the ground.

"Excuse me?" Jaemin voice rang in your ears as you looked up with a angry red face. Steam was even coming out of your ears and nose. "Did you just call nana a bitch?" He put his hands to his chest and pouted, "Little girl you need to learn some manners." Jaemin tilted his head to the side and began walking forward.

"Shut up." You had nothing else to say as you grit your teeth, looking at the ground.

Jaemin didnt like that and grabbed the back of your neck to make you look at him, "What? Did your stupid head stop thinking? Your normally so chatty for nana what happened?"

"Jaemin i-" you cut yourself off as you felt jaemin grip the back of your neck tighter causing you to moan in pain.

"Stupid girl." Jaemin whispered, forcefully pushing you away. It was not strong enough to make you fall but at least stumble.

You glowered, earning yourself a chuckle from him. "What will it take for you to leave me alone!?"

"Bring this to table 15 please! Thanks!" Irene smiled as she handed you a small cup of iced coffee and you took it, taking it to its designated place. What you didn't except was to see taemin again, gleaming up at you.

"Hi y/n." He smiled and you tried to remain calm.

God how is someone so beautiful?

"Hey, I didnt except you to come back." You returned the warm smile and started to play with the apron around your waist.

Taemin giggled, "I actually quite like this place, its cozy." He began to take a sip from the straw, eyes still trained on you. If only you weren't so awkward with him, you wouldve found something to say other than staring at him and indulging in the beauty before you. But lucky for you someone behind the counter called for you, quickly averting your attention back to work.

The next order was a shake, so you grabbed the correct ingredients and began using the blendor, when someone came next to you, doing the same thing "You seem like your having fun flirting around." The unwanted conversation with jaemin began, "makes nana kind of jealous."

"Hm funny." You ignored him and continued blending the ice cream.

Jaemin casually rolled his eyes and glanced down at your nonchalant face before returning back to the blender, "you know you really do piss me off."

You sneered and snickered to yourself, "what are you gonna do about it?"

"I was thinking of fucking you dumb or until you know your place but maybe thats a bit too rewarding."

The cup was removed and set aside from the blender with your hands placed on your hips, "Im sorry what?"

"Did I stutter?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow and also put the cup down. You went silent, not knowing whether or not to just laugh it off or quickly run away. "And I'm still waiting on my apology."

"One, I am not going to apologize to your bitchy ass. Two, even if I did let you, you could never 'fuck me dumb', it just wouldn't happen. Now stop trying to get in my pants."

Jaemin opened then closed his mouth about to say something, but didn't and just put on a sweet smile, "Go take these to table 7 for nana." He said like he was testing yoj.

"Why? You made them."

"Nana told you to do something little girl, now do it." Jaemins sweet smile was still plastered on his face yet it intimidated you enough to do as he said.

Taemin was long gone when you walked out and you were kind of sad as you weren't able to say goodbye before he left. You placed the shake down on the table and was ready to walk away when you heard your name being called.

"Y/n? You work here?" Seulgis voice spoke as you turned around. Both her and sana were looking at you with shit eating grins.

"Doesn't jaemin also work here seulgi?" Sana asked the girl in front of her and seulgi looked as if she got the brightest idea.

"Oh yeah! Y/n can you get jaemin over here? Pretty please?" She asked sweetly yet with a hint of sourness and you listened, not feeling like ignoring her at the moment.

You told jaemin that seulgi and sana were out front looking for him and he nonchalantly went out without question. Leaving you to do some of the work alone, which you didn't mind considering its jaemin, the annoying bastard who won't leave you alone, but he does help you whenever you need it. And right now, it was a bit busy, and you needed it.

After doing 4 more online orders and sending them off through the driveway, jaemin finally came back with a scowl on his face looking ready to beat someone up. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" He raised his voice only loud enough for you to hear. But you were quite confused on what was happening.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, tilting your head to the side like a puppy.

Jaemin groaned, "I knew you were fucking dumb but come on y/n! Why is seulgi covered in the shake i gave you?"

You paused for a moment, unable to answer that. Is he assuming you spilt her shake on her? Why would you even do that in the first place. Yeah you don't like her, but you're not going to stoop to her or his level. "I dont know."

He slammed his hand on the wall near your head, startling you a bit, "You dont know huh?" You shook your head slowly. "Seulgi and sana both said you purposefully spilt the shake on seulgi. Now answer me honestly. Is that true?" You shook your head again, feeling really small and helpless under his strong gaze.

"I-i didnt spill t-the skake." You muttered quietly.

He inhaled sharply, "Then who did huh? Or maybe you don't know because you're so dumb."

"S-stop..." you frowned, looking down at floor, but jaemin had other plans and made you look up at him. A single tear slide down your cheek and you swear you saw a small grin appear on his face.

"Tell nana what happened." His voice became softer as he swiped away the stray tear on your face.

You huffed, still afraid that he'd do something to you although you knew he wouldnt purposely cause you pain. "W-well she asked me to go get you, which I did, a-and her shake was perfectly fine when I left."

"Are you saying she purposely spilt the shake on herself to make me angry at you?"

"Y-yes."

"Ill believe my little girl for now, but if I find out you are lying, you will be in big trouble got that?" Jaemin lifted his hand off the wall and proceeded to walk back out of the room. Leaving you shocked at his words and still frightened by an angry jaemin.

You went to the cash register once jaemin left to get ready to count the bills until you heard jaemin and seulgi arguing. Lucky for them, no one but you and him were working right now. Irene went home earlier and the normal crew always leave around 6:30, leaving just you and jaemin.

"It was only a prank nana. No need to get so worked up. And besides you didn't even prank her today, be glad I did for you." Seulgi said smiling at the boy in front of her.

Jaemin physically cringed when he heard his nickname roll off her tongue, "you didn't have to do that."

You stood there watching, astonished how jaemin was standing up for you. Hes supposed to hate you. Jaemin didn't even bother going with the girls when they offered him a ride, instead he stayed with you and even helped close. Something he normally doesn't do because he leaves before you and gives you all the hard things to do.

"Hurry up and finish." Jaemin spoke. A little bit of anger still laced in his voice.

"Whats your rush?"

He sighed, "I wanna go home. Plus I can't stand this place right now. I'm pissed."

You finished wiping down that last table and walked over to him, "Just go home then."

"Not without you."

You gave him a dirty look, "im not going home with you."

Jaemin leaned down, his face only inches from yours and whispered, "Remember what I said earlier hm? I wanna fuck you dumb." He then grabbed your waist bringing you closer to him, if that was possible, "Can I do that pretty girl? Can nana fuck you so hard you won't even remember anything but my cock?" You were so lost in your mind that everything became a blur. Jaemins words sounded so sweet but were so lewd. And you were so close to kissing him until he put his finger on your lips, "But you have to wait." You frowned and were only getting more angry by the second. You went from not wanting anything to do with jaemin to just about ready to beg him to kiss you. Was it that easy for him to get in your head? Or were you so sex deprived that now jaemin seemed somewhat interesting?

You laid on jaemins bed getting bored with the constant teasing. He never did anything but that. Jaemin would get close to your lips and back away as you chased him. Hed chuckle and coo at you for being so desperate. But that wasn't the point of all the teasing. He really just wanted you to beg him to kiss you. No words will come out of his mouth telling you to beg, he just excepted it to happen sooner or later. But youre too stubborn to do so, so you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him, catching him by surprise.

Jaemins hands gripped your wrists and pulled them off his face, pinning them to the bed, "You didnt even ask to kiss me." Jaemin pulled away, raising his eyebrow high, "Dont you think thats a bit mean."

"So was teasing me, but I let you continue." You huffed, trying to free your wrists from his death grip but it was no use.

"You dont have a say on whether i continue or not. I'm in charge here and you take what I give you, understand?" You rolled your eyes. It was your intention to make jaemin angry. You wanted to push his buttons.

What you didnt know was that not answering jaemin correctly would earn you a slap to the face. And jaemin was not even fazed by it.

"Dont roll your eyes and answer nana." Jaemin smiled. "Can you say 'yes nana'?"

"Y-yes nana."

"Good girl." Jaemin muttered and began slowly kissing your jawline down to your neck, sucking here and there creating shades of purple and red marks. Oh how he loved the marks he was leaving.

You so desperately wanted to grip onto jaemins hair and pull it but he never budged his hands, only tightening his grasps. As he continued attacking your neck, you began to lift your hips up to get some sort friction. Jaemin noticed and shifted so that his thigh was in between your legs and rubbing against your clothed core. A spew of quiet moans left your lips but you wanted more. Jaemin was going to soft and slow for your liking.

"I thought you were going to fuck me dumb?" You said and jaemin lifted his head to give you a quick kiss on the lips.

"Patience baby. You aren't ready yet." He let go of your wrists and took your shirt off. The cold air made you shiver and jaemin chuckled. "I wanna make you cum at least 2 times before I fuck you."

"Then stop talking and do it." You replied, pushing your hips up to rub against his thigh, but they were pushed back down on the bed.

"Didnt I say to take what I give you?" Your head slowly moved up and down and jaemin smiled, "so why arent you happy with what nana gives you?"

"I want more..." you sighed as he started to slide your pants and panties off, discarding them somewhere in the room. His mouth slowly started kissing your inner thighs and you could feel your heat dripping with anticipation. You whined for more but only got a slap to the thigh telling you to be quiet. Needless to say you didn't listen and continued to try to get him closer to where you needed him most but pulling his hair.

Jaemin groaned grabbing your wrist again and pushed it away roughly. His patience was wearing out. You were more stubborn than he thought, but that doesn't mean he can't still break you. "Next time you do that, I'll flip you over and beat your ass till its purple." Your breath hitched and as much as you were tempted, you wanted to be able to sit for a few days so you stayed put and kept your hands to yourself.

But the desperation was getting to you and you wanted relief which jaemin wasnt giving you until you felt his two fingers circling around your clit. "P-please jaemin." You moaned as he flicked your clit with his middle finger. Then soon enough he stuck two fingers inside you. Your pussy automatically clenching around his digits as he moved at a steady in and out pace.

It felt so good. His fingers felt so good. They made your body twist in pleasure as more moans left your mouth. Jaemin was watching your face closely as it contorted with pleasure. He loved seeing your eyebrows bunched together, so focused on the way his fingers worked inside you.

"My pretty slut. Taking nanas fingers so well." He gushed, still watching your face. Jaemin could feel himself get even more painfully hard but he didn't want to fuck you just yet. He meant it when he said he wanted you to cum 2 times. So he picked up the speed with his fingers, your hands landing on his forearm that was resting on near your hip. "Are you gonna cum for nana princess?"

You frantically nodded your head as a wave of pleasure washed over you. You could feel your cum leak out of you as jaemin leaned down and began eating away at your cunt.

"J-jaemin! So...go-good!" Your head flew back as his tongue sucked on your clit and a loud moan filled the room.

Jaemin smirked against your heat, "I haven't even fucked you yet and your already sounding like a dumb whore. Its so easy to break you princess."

"N-no its j-ju-...." you whimpered as your brain wasnt even trying to help you function right. His tongue was extraordinary. "Mmmm."

"Aw my dumb little princess is so cute." He muttered diving back into lapping at your soaked cunt. It was almost as if on cue and without warning, you were cumming again. Jaemins hasty tongue took it all. Groaning at the taste of you in his mouth.

He sat up over you, grabbing your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss. You tasted yourself on his tongue. Deepening the kiss by grabbing the back of his hair, jaemin couldnt help but moan a bit as his cock brushed against your thigh. He felt big. Bigger than the few guys you've been with and you were ecstatic.

You tugged on jaemins pants and shirt as a way to tell him to take them off and he did after getting off of you and sitting on the edge of the bed. His abs were more defined than you thought and when his cock sprung free, your mouth started watering. Jaemins smirk only grew watching you stare. He was starting to get cocky

"What? You wanna suck my cock?" Jaemin asked sweetly.

"Yes please." You reached over to try and touch him but he didn't allow you. And smacked your hand away. It was a way for him to tease you and you hated it.

"So kind for nana now. Ealier you were so cock hungry that you decided to be a brat. Did nana finally break you?" Jaemin whispered as he moved a piece of hair out of your face, looking at you with fill admiration.

"No you didn't break me. But I wanna suck you off." You whined as jaemin picked you up and sat you just above his cock, the tip teasing at your entrance.

"Too bad. Now I want you to sit." Jaemin said looking into your eyes. You obeyed with a little hesitation. His cock was surely going to hurt you so you took it slowly and started lowering your hips. "Fuck...thats a good girl." Jaemin praised, watching his cock dissappear between your legs and your tummy get full with his cock. "My baby's so tiny you can see my cock in your belly." He said, pushing down on the area where he was imprinted in you.

Slowly you started moving, lifting your hips up and down. You were wet enough that he could easily slide in and out with no problem.

Jaemins head fell back as he sighed with relief, grunting as you picked up the pace, "So tight for nana." He whispered and you moaned back loudly. His cock stretched every inch of you to the point where it felt like you'd split.

"More more more." You whined against jaemins neck, gripping his shoulders tightly. Carefully jaemin flipped you both over so he was on top and continued pounding into your destroyed cunt. He kept a hand around your neck squeezing it every so often as a choked out moan left your throat.

His cock was so deep and fast that you couldn't think straight. You kept blabbering about his cock. Only thing on your mind was how nice he felt inside you. Jaemin bit his lip as he smirked at you, grabbing your hair and bringing your face close to his, "Now will you admit that I fucked you dumb and say your nanas dumb slut?"

"Y-yes, I'm na-nanas dumb sl-slut." You cried, tears falling down your face from how good he felt inside and if you thought jaemin couldn't go any faster, he did. His thrusts were hard and rough, sure enough to hurt your thighs tomorrow as he pounded relentlessly. "So close." Your voice came out choked as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You held on to jaemins hand that was on your neck as he helped you with your orgasm.

Jaemin wasnt far behind you with his and groaned loudly, "fuck, where do you want it princess?"

"I-inside." You moaned as the feeling of hot cum was shot inside you. Jaemins hips kept moving him through his orgasm until he slowly came to a stop. Both of you panted loudly, there were even a few tears falling down your cheek here and there.

Jaemin slowly pulled out, making sure not to hurt you, and he laid beside you. "You did so well." He kissed your forehead. "Cmon ill carry you to bathroom so we can take a bath." He said picking up your worn out naked figure with so much care. Making you forget he was your enemy.

#nct smut #nct #na jaemin #na jaemin smut #kpop #kpop smut #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv #nct u #jaemin #jaemin nct dream #jaemin nct #nct dream smut #wayv smut #nct 127 smut

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reidgraygubler · 3 years

Text

going in blind (luke alvez/reader)

{image id: gif of luke alvez holding two long sleeved button ups, the one on the left is gray and the one on the right is blue. A german shepard is in the foreground. the caption reads “the blue or the grey? hmm?” end image id}

Title: Going In Blind

Request: No

Couple: Luke Alvez with Visually Impaired Reader

Category: Fluff

Content Warning: swearing (if any), mentions of service/guide animals, mentions of serving in the army, brief mentions of PTSD, blind/visually impared!reader, if I missed anything or something else needs to be tagged, please message me and I will fix that!

Word Count: 2,885

Summary: Penelope sets Luke up on a blind date with one of her friends… What could possibly go wrong…?

Author’s Note: Welcome to day two of my 7 fics in 7 days event! We have more firsts with this piece of work. I tried my hardest to make this be screen reader-friendly, if this has any problems with that, please let me know. This also blocks off a square on my third (i know) bingo card. It’s for the blind date square on the @cmbingo card! Thank you all so much for the love and support! Check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

“Are you on tinder?” Penelope asked, looking over Luke’s shoulder. Luke was quick, jumping as he put his phone face down on his desk.

“What? No!” He looked over at his friend and colleague. He swallowed roughly, knowing that there was no way out of this one. Penelope already had the tools to find the truth. There was really no use hiding that from a woman like Penelope. Even if she wasn’t one of the best hackers he knew, Penelope would have worked it out of him no matter what.

“It looked like you were on tinder, Newbie,” she glared at him as she crossed her arms over her chest. Luke looked down at his phone for a brief moment, before looking up at his friend.

“He’s definitely doing something,” Spencer chimed in, looking away from his book. “He’s been picking up his phone and looking at it every other minute. That’s not an exaggeration,” he spoke looking back down at his book. Penelope looked back down at Luke with an excited smile.

“Yes, fine, I was on Tinder. It’s been awhile since things ended with Lisa and I wanted to… put myself out there, as some would say,” Luke spoke as he gestured towards his phone, “and, tinder is a viable way of doing that,” he looked up at his friend and shrugged.

“What if I set you up on a blind date?" Penelope smiled as she looked down at her co-worker.

“I… I guess… you can do that," he replied, furrowing his eyebrows. He wasn't too sure what to expect from Penelope when it came to a blind date.

“Oh sweetness! I know the perfect person!” Penelope clapped her hands together as she looked back at Luke. "I'll give them your number! And then you guys can plan a date or something!" she looked down at her friend with excitement.

{***}

"Roxy, blue or gray?" Luke looked at the German Shepard that was sitting on his bed. Roxy tilted her head to the side as she looked at her owner. Luke groaned as he looked at his pet, tossing both the shirts to his bed. He looked at the two clothing items before picking up the navy blue shirt and holding it to his chest.

“Blue might be best. Who doesn’t love blue?” he looked over at Roxxy with a smile before changing into the shirt. “Alright, Roxxy, wish me luck,” Luke whispered as he rubbed the dog’s head. With one last look at the animal, Luke left, hoping to make it there on time.

Unfortunately for him, time was not on his side and traffic ended up being his new friend. And when he did finally make it to the restaurant, he was a few minutes late. He rushed to the table, hoping they’d still be there.

“So sorry I’m late, I was trying to pick what color of shirt to wear and then traffic was a nightmare on the way here,” Luke chuckled as he sat down at the table across from them. They smiled and nodded, folding their hands over the table.

“Oh, oh it’s okay, really. I was a little nervous myself,” they laughed as they lifted a hand to their chest as they spoke. Luke looked at them and smiled. He silently prayed that this date wouldn’t crash and burn like previous dates he had been on.

But, little did he know, they were doing the same thing. They couldn’t even count how many dates they had gone on that failed harder than a teen who didn’t study for a test. They went into this date expecting it to have a bad outcome.

“Which color did you pick?” they asked like it was no big deal, like maybe he already knew the biggest, most obvious fact about them. They would have assumed that Penelope told him.

“Well, I, uh, I wore the blue shirt… I wasn’t sure which color to wear,” Luke laughed, watching as they started playing with their hands.

“So that’s what color it is,” they laughed lightly before blinking. The smile they had on their lips was very genuine. They were excited. Of course they were excited, someone was going on a date with them. And, so far so good, right?

Or, so they thought...

“I don’t… I don’t get it… Am I missing something,” Luke furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at them. They had their hands resting in their lap. As a certain nervousness took over, they began pulling at their fingers, popping each knuckle.

“Did Penelope not tell you,” they nervously chuckled, blinking slowly as they shifted in their seat.

“Tell me…? Tell me what?”

“I’m blind,” they chuckled again. The silence that fell between both of them was tense. It was obvious that Luke had no clue that they were blind. Of course, they went into this blind date knowing whoever it was might not have known it was a literal blind date. It wouldn’t have been the first, or last, time Penelope left that detail out.

“Oh… Oh… I’m… I’m so sorry,” Luke muttered as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. They laughed and shook their head.

“It’s okay. Really, it’s fine. I knew Penelope probably didn’t tell you,” they chuckled lightly before shrugging.

“I don’t know why Penelope didn’t mention that you… you’re blind,” Luke laughed as he brought his glass to his lips. They laughed and shook their head.

“I honestly wouldn’t put it past her… Wouldn’t be the first time she’s done that to me,” they smiled, reaching their hand out to feel for their glass of water. “Well, I’m not totally blind. I can see shapes if they’re being backlit. So, like if someone was standing in front of the sun,” their smiled and nodded before bringing the glass to their lips. After taking a sip, they carefully placed the cup back on the table. “Does that make sense?” they cocked their head to the side.

“Yeah, yeah it makes sense,” Luke nodded as he looked at them, “So, I picked a pretty good spot then, huh?” he asked as he realized that he was facing away from the sun.

“Well, I was the one who picked the spot, silly,” they couldn’t help but laugh. Luke felt somewhat comforted by their laughter, laughing lightly in return. “I knew the window seat would help me in that. It’s nice having the shape of my date,” they kept laughing. In their head that made sense, but thinking back about it now, they weren’t too sure if it made sense out loud.

“How… How did you go blind? If you don’t mind me asking,” Luke asked, his voice soft as he spoke. He wasn’t too sure if it was insensitive to ask that, but he was genuinely curious. If he didn’t find out through them, he would have just asked Penelope.

“Oh, uh, yeah you can ask,” they laughed again. Luke smiled, it was clear he really liked their laughter. Part of him was happy they couldn’t see how he looked at them. But the other part of him was upset that he couldn’t share the same things he saw with them. “I went blind when I was really young. I was like 5. If it wasn’t a million dollar word that you probably didn’t understand, I’d say it. But, I basically went blind because of an illness,” they smiled and nodded.

“Wow, I… I can’t even imagine…” Luke started but let his words trail off. Of course, how would anyone ever imagine being blind at such a young age? But they’ve heard that from so many people, and not just people they went on dates with, but friends, nurses, strangers on the street, and even family. They didn’t let it bother them though.

“Yeah, the number of times I’ve heard that,” they shrugged as they reached out for their glass of water again, “Trust me, it’s fine. I’ve been blind all my life, basically. I’m like a professional at it or something,” a small snicker came from them.

“Do you have a service animal?” Luke asked, watching as they expertly placed their water back down.

“His name is Pickles,” they smiled as they dropped their head down, “He’s a Labradoodle,” they felt happiness spread through their body as they talked more about their pet. Although, he was more than just a pet, than just a dog to them. Pickles was basically their best friend and family.

“I bet your Pickles and my Roxxy would be great friends,” Luke enthused with a laugh. Their head jerked up as if they looked at him the second he mentioned having a dog.

“Is Roxy a service animal?” they asked, resting their hands on the table. Luke smiled and nodded.

“Roxy helps with my PTSS…” he supplied a proper answer when he realized they didn’t see the nod.

“Oh my goodness,” they whispered, a sudden anxiety grew in their stomach as they thought of what to say next. But, they didn’t really know what to say.

“It’s all good now. Roxy’s my best friend. I’d be lost without her,” Luke swallowed roughly before nodding again.

“When did you serve? Where did you serve?” they asked, cocking their head to their shoulder.

“Uh, several years ago now. I served as part of the 75th Rangers in Iraq… with the U.S. Army,” his words got quiet as he spoke, but they were just loud enough for them to hear. They smiled and nodded.

“Thank you for your service, Luke,” the date whispered with a soft smile, “And now you work for the FBI."

“Yep! And now I work for the FBI,” Luke laughed and nodded, “Wouldn’t trade it for anything. My team is like my family,”

“You know, that wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard somebody say that. Penelope speaks so fondly of you,” his companion smiled as they ran their hand across the tablecloth. Their shoulders relaxed as they felt the fabric beneath their fingertips. “Well, she speaks fondly of everyone she knows, so I suppose it’s hard to judge that. But, she does talk about you and your team a lot. More often than anything else. Other than Sergio, of course,” they laughed, which in turn caused Luke to laugh.

“You’re not wrong. She really does talk about everyone she meets like they’ve done no wrong,” he agreed with a soft laugh.

“Which is impressive in her line of work, because of everything she sees. But I think that’s something Penelope and I have in common. I think too good of people. I think it would be too hard to work in the FBI, though,” they wrinkled their nose. “I’ve met some pretty shitty people but not serial killers… Not that bad,” they shrugged and dropped their shoulders.

Thankfully the moment was saved when the waitress came up to the table and took Luke and his date’s order. Playing it safe, they got spaghetti with sauce and cheese. Where as Luke ordered steak with vegetables.

“That sounds yummy. Hopefully it’s as good as it sounds,” they smiled and nodded. “Sorry I was intense about talking nice about other people. I don’t know. Working for the FBI sounds like it’d be cool, but very exhausting.”

“It is… It can be mentally and emotionally draining,” Luke nodded as he leaned over the table, resting his elbows on the edge to keep himself up. “But, it makes up for itself… See people be reunited with their families… It’s worth it then,” he nodded as he thought about previous cases he worked on.

“I’d never be able to do that,” they blinked before shaking their head, “I don’t know how Penelope does it,”

“A lot of courage. She surprises me everyday,” he laughed. This time it was their turn to appreciate his laughter. Though they couldn’t exactly see his face, they could imagine what was in front of them. The happiness and love he had for a friend. Luke’s date loved that he loved his friends like they were family.

“Anyways, enough about me and my work…” Luke cleared his throat as he watched his date rest their elbows on the table. “Tell me about you. Like, uh… What kind of music do you listen to?” he raised an eyebrow.

{***}{***}{***}

“You should have taken her seriously when she said blind date," Luke’s date chuckled lightly as the two of them walked down a cobblestone path. Their arm carefully rested on Luke's as they walked. Their other hand held their cane, tapping it across the ground in front of them.

"I agree, wasn't expecting it to be a literal blind date," Luke returned the chuckle, "But I had fun," he added as he looked down at his date.

"I did too. I'm kinda glad Penelope didn't tell you I'm blind," they laughed nervously. Truth be told, they were scared Luke would have ditched them. It’s happened before, what's not stopping it from happening again? They couldn't count how many times it has happened.

Luke abruptly stopped in his tracks as he looked down at his date. It caught them off guard, forcing them to turn and face him.

"What? Why'd we stop? Did something happen?" As the grip they had on his arm softened a little bit, the grip on their cane tightened. A certain fear filled their body, not sure what was happening at the moment.

"You know…” Luke started, pausing for a moment to find his words. The date pulled their hand from Luke’s arm as they turned to face him more. “I would have come whether Penelope told me you were blind or not," he continued, lifting a hand and resting it on their shoulder. They jumped slightly, not expecting the friendly gesture.

“I know… Well, actually, I don’t know. Because you wouldn’t be the first person to say that to me,” they swallowed roughly before dropping their head to the ground, “The number of failed dates I’ve gone on… Is a little embarrassing… And, the number of people who knew I was blind before the date and ditched… Is even worse,” they whispered as they stepped back away from Luke. Luke furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his date. He couldn’t figure out why someone would ditch someone as cool as them. So what if they couldn’t see as well as others, or at all? They still deserved to be treated like a normal human.

“You don’t deserve that,” he muttered as he stared at his date. They smiled and nodded, already knowing that. “And, frankly, this is the best date I’ve been on in a long time,”

“I’m glad to hear that. It was a pretty good date for me too,” they smiled, as their hand returned to his arm. “Where are we anyways?” they took a deep breath and shuffled closer to his body.

“Down the street from your apartment,” he replied, looking down the street.

“Did Penelope give you my address?” they tilted their head up to him as they spoke. Luke’s date wouldn’t put it past Penelope, honestly. They expected it.

“Yeah, she said I should pick you up. But you said you would take an Uber…” he replied with a nod, “When we left the restaurant, I parked a few blocks away from your apartment, so we could walk… And so this date wouldn’t end,” he laughed lightly. His date couldn’t stop the large smile growing on their lips, feeling their heart pitter-pattering quickly in their chest.

“You really mean that,” they stopped tapping their cane across the ground as they began trusting Luke.

“We'll have to do this again,” his date laughed as they turned to face Luke, “I had a lot of fun tonight,”

“Of course I mean that. I told you...This is the best date I’ve been on in a while,” Luke laughed as he sensed their new level of trust in him.

“I wish this night didn’t have to end,” they said with a bubbly smile. Luke enjoyed the excitement of his date and hummed in agreement. Even though they both wished the night could keep going, the two walked in a comfortable and warm silence to their apartment.

“Yes! We will. Maybe we can walk Pickles and Roxy in the park,” Luke smiled as he looked down at them.

And just as he got to the bottom step of the small staircase, he stopped for a brief moment before turning to his date. “I’ll see you later,” Luke smiled at them.

“I won’t,” the blind date smiled as they rested their hand on the railing beside them. Luke froze when he realized his verbal mistake. His mouth opening slightly as he looked up at them with shock in his eyes.

“Aw man, I totally fudged that, didn’t I?” he pointed at the date before shoving his hands in his pockets. They laughed and shook their head.

“No, no, don’t worry. It’s fine. I thought it was funny. It happens all the time, actually,” them smiled and nodded, “I better let you go. It was nice meeting you, Luke,” they grasped their cane with both their hands as they turned to face him more.

“I’ll definitely call you,”

“I’ll definitely text you,” the date grinned before turning and entering their apartment.

if you want to be a part of a taglst or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

taglist: @mggsprettygirl , @thebluetint

#shadow posts stuff #shadow writes stuff #masterlist #luke alvez #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez x you #luke alvez fanfic #luke alvez fan fic #luke alvez fanfiction #luke alvez fan fiction #criminal minds fanfic

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may-day-voice · 3 years

Text

Haunting Sour Notes

Denki Kaminari's Timeline | 172732014

please do not repost, but you have permission to reblog :)

• Watch/ Listen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/iGM2u8mraCY

• Read on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1059472971-denki-kaminari-pro-hero-au-172732014-haunting-sour

"Why won't you tell me?" questioned Kaminari, following you around his apartment while you paced with heavy steps. "You've been showing signs lately."

"Signs?" you retorted with a derogatory smirk. "Me being scared of storms is a sign?"

"No, I mean, Mon Ange-"

"Kaminari," you interrupted, your tone stern. "I messed up yesterday. Tell that to the Head Agent."

He watched as you slumped onto one of his armchairs in the large space, looking away from him while you stared out from one of the large windows overlooking part of Endor Docks. The morning was calm while you slept, but as soon as you woke, he found you distant almost immediately. You refused to say a word, not a peep, as if you were still mute.

And then, this argument, empty of reason.

"I'm going to report all that I know from last night," explained Kaminari, soft and calm. "And I know you didn't mess up, but you have to tell me these things about you. Things that I still have no clue about."

"It's better you didn't know," you replied, still with your eyes away from his.

"Why? I can't help you if you keep blocking me out."

"Then take me back to the Commission. Put me under arrest. What good am I if I'm not helping your case?"

"You're a good person, I know you are!" yelled Kaminari in retaliation, his frustration growing.

"How do you know?"

"You took that blow for me back when we first met. Not any villain would do that. You may have your reasons, but that shows me that you are willing to put yourself on the line when it counts. And here I am, trying to understand you outside of the fame and the secrecy, and you-" Kaminari stopped himself, holding his tongue while he stared at your upsetment, seeing the glint of tears that forced their way in the corner of your angry eyes. He could see you holding back before he was about to spill, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves.

"You told me back at that golf range-"

"Putt-putt."

"- that you wanted to make amends. Why won't you let me help you do that?"

You looked into Kaminari's eyes, filled with confusion and anger while the frustration in his voice was evident. Of course, anyone who would be treated this way would have every right to feel these waves of emotions, but this was your life. A life shouldered with the haunting memories of your actions, and of the people you surrounded yourself with. At the time, you thought nothing of it, but now, these memories were not even worthy for someone like Kaminari to hear.

"They're not yours to shoulder," you answered. "And I'm more afraid of you getting involved further in the matter."

"What do you mean? I'm already involved," explained Kaminari. "I know enough to understand that you're trying to stop the Front, and that this General is someone to be feared."

"But you don't know the implications of knowing her. I don't want you to get hurt."

"So, it's a she?" he asked, only earning an exasperated sigh from you.

"I've said too much," you mumbled under your breath, turning your eye away from him once more. You held back the tears that you felt pricked your eyes, spotting the murkiness cloud your vision a little. You rubbed your eyes in an attempt to rid them, but they only continued to spill.

Kaminari hesitated with his next few thoughts, eyeing your expression and the cross look on your face.

"Speaking of which, aside from all of this, there was something else that bothered me," he started, keeping an eye on your reaction. "Last night, you wouldn't say a word. Or, you couldn't. Can you tell me what that was about?"

You bit your lip, hoping the sharp pain would hold off the tears that spilled from your eyes. Every word he spoke felt like a knife in your chest. You recalled last night, almost vividly, innocently writing those words in paper. The fear returned, like it did long ago. You turned your eye away from Kaminari knowing that the overwhelming sadness rippled under your skin.

"Are you sick?" He asked.

"Non" you whispered.

"But last night-"

"Forget last night. I was a kid, I didn't know any better."

"That's not true."

"Will you stop?" You turned to face him, your eyes cross and your anger now swelling inside, replacing the pain and guilt. "Stop the questions."

Kaminari stared into your eyes, fueled by hurt and anger as if he had done an injustice. Confused by your sudden outburst, he slowly approached you, his hand out to reach yours until you violently pulled it away.

"Just go," you ordered. "Leave me under house arrest and go do your job." You turned your back on him, your eyes now staring out towards the docks, watching boats in the distance.

Kaminari said nothing. You heard nothing before the sound of footsteps made their way towards the sliding front door, shutting in the empty apartment. You held onto your arms, trying to comfort yourself before you sank into one of his chairs, head on your lap, silently weeping.

Kaminari made his way to his car, seating himself in the driver's seat before he turned the ignition. He was silent, still processing your reaction and how distressed you were with him. He sighed heavily in exasperation, recalling his treatment of the situation beforehand when he slammed his palms into his driving wheel.

"Dammit," he cursed under his breath.

RING

"Hello?"

"Hey Kaminari, catch you at a bad time?" Asked Sero on the other line.

Kaminari eyed his front door, still his mind on you. "No, was about to head to the Public Hero Commission building."

"I need to talk with you about a few things first. Meet me in the city's park in half an hour?"

Kaminari thought about his request for a moment. He hadn't heard anything from Sero since the mission last night, recalling his sudden leave of absence. Perhaps something had happened during all the mania. Maybe another clue in this mess of a situation.

"I can be there in twenty if you can," advised Kaminari.

"No rush man, but yeah, gotta talk."

Kaminari pulled his car out before taking it off from the docks, heading straight into Musatafu. If he wasn't going to get to the bottom of this one way, he hoped he could find success through other means instead, even if that meant not involving you in the process.

Besides, there was a lot he and Sero needed to talk about, he thought.

——

Hours had passed since the argument and you had filled your time reading books for who knew how many rounds you had given them the light of day. However, none of them took your thoughts away from Kaminari's concern. Yes, you lashed out violently at any mention of your past - a thing you had tried to bury many times before, and thought had succeeded. Yet the events of last night, of your fears, your illness, your childish reactions to everything Kaminari was able, it felt hurtful.

The guilt returned knowing of your spiteful tone. And yet you heard nothing from Kaminari. He only left you alone. The thought of this morning replayed in your mind like a broken record, as cliche as it felt. It only made that knife sink deeper in your chest, one made by your own doing.

You knew Kaminari was right, that you had to tell him one day why you did what you did, with the secrets, the charade, and your insistent need to run away. The pain of knowing how many souls you had harmed along the way seared in your mind, like a branding that had scarred the very nature of your life. You were a thing, a tool to be weaponized, even so that whatever goals and purposes you thought were true, were now a stain.

This bodyguard business wouldn't last forever. The Commission would have their way eventually, leaving you with nothing left. Leaving the warmth and comfort of Kaminari's hospitality, patience, and determination, despite his almost goofy and dorky disposition.

Sunlight had now passed over the docks, casting a small shadow along Kaminari's apartment. The skylight itself created a spotlight of the sun's rays in the centre of his lounge. Everyday you've stayed here, you would often stand in the centre of the skylight, pretending it to be centre stage, twirling in its radiance. However, it burned your eyes today, still sore from the tears that sprung after Kaminari had left.

A moment of clarity cleared your mind, as painful as it felt, before coming to the conclusion you needed for yourself and for the sake of Kaminari; a man who had offered you a home despite it being under the Commission's jurisdiction; a man who had only accepted you for who you were, regardless of the actions you had taken in your dreadful past.

A man who comforted you, who tried every means to understand you.

"Sorry, roi de la fee," you whispered to yourself, swimming in your head from all of the painful thoughts-

SMASH

Glass shattered onto your skin while your arms shielded you from the shards that sprayed from the windows. It happened all so sudden, immediately taking to your feet to flee from the now destroyed windowpane. Outside on the docks, a group of men stomped into the apartment, rushing towards you with open hands.

"Grab them!" Yelled one before you felt their hands clutch onto your clothes and skin, grabbing hold of you while they slowly dragged you outside, fighting against your resistance.

"Let go of me!" You yelled, slapping one in the face, while kicking furiously in the air.

"Quickly before someone spots us!"

Amongst the chaos, you pulled against their strength, your flailing limbs swinging violently in the air hoping they would hit anyone nearby. Mid-swing in your violent resistance, you elbowed your assailant in the gut, enough that winded him to release you from his hold. You didn't think, you just ran, scrambling back into the apartment while being chased by the men behind you. You huffed and panicked, pushing any large object in their way to slow them down, whether it were chairs, lamps, or anything of the sort. You only had eyes for the front sliding doors, crashing into it before you pulled against its weight to slide it open.

The spill of the sunlight caught your eye first, blinding your already sore eyes from your tears until a silhouette painted against it, blocking your exit. The height caught you off guard until you recognized the man's long top hat and soon his mask once your eyes adjusted to the light.

"Long time no see, Sirene," he cooed playfully before a glint of something caught your eye in his fingers. You heard the smirk in his voice, turning around to flee from him. But as if time had slowed, you felt your body pull into a void, sucked into the familiar glass marble before you crashed into its glass surface.

"Let me go!" You yelled, your voice bouncing off from the walls, slamming your fists against the thick panes. "Laisse-moi sortir!"

The large shadows skewed by the glass shifted every so often while you felt the inertia of Compress' movements holding onto the marble you now resided in.

"So Dabi's little pet was right after all," he commented, his voice loud yet muffled by the glass. "I should congratulate them on their deduction skills. It's not often we find defectors."

You still slammed your fist fervently against the glass, hoping that you could break through, though you knew it was futile to try.

"Ne me ramène pas!"

Your cries were ignored when it suddenly went dark. Surrounded by the black, the sound of shifting and crunching glass echoed loudly before the rumble of a car's ignition reverberated through the glass space.

You felt truly lost.

How did they find you? What went wrong? In the dark all of these questions found their way to your head, recalling the few times you had carefully managed to keep yourself under wraps. Hiding in plain sight, behind a moniker and a pre-generated face. Making use of the fame to counter every move the Paranormal Liberation Front would possibly be able to exploit. Yet in turn, you exploited others in order to right your wrongs.

And then, there was Kaminari. The few times he had been warm and welcoming. The times he had shown his vulnerability, and his strength. The times he had trusted in you by sharing a part of his life with his friends, all Pro-Heroes to a degree. Everything about Kaminari was like a home, now only realizing this in the dark.

You felt your tears return, trapped wherever Compress had held you captive. The car ride was a one way trip, back to your past, back to the Front, back to the cold table where the General would examine you again, and again, and again.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Please forgive me, Kaminari."

——

Kaminari stood by his warehouse apartment, staring blankly at the shattered glass and rummaged furniture inside. Police tape surrounded the building while crime scene investigators carefully traversed through the mess, numbering evidence after evidence of the now labeled crime scene.

His meeting with Sero was more a cross-reference of notes on a few topics of discussion - Sero's current predicament with the thief as well as his encounter with Seek, at least before either of them would report it to their agencies and the Commission. However, Kaminari's eyes loosely scanned the floor, eyeing the fallen armchair, the glass and the open front door on the other side across the way, but you were nowhere to be found.

"I'm sorry dude," slowly spoke Sero, eyeing Kaminari sadly and unsure what else to say.

"No, don't say that," he retorted with a shaky voice. "This is my responsibility. I should've put the anklet back on. I didn't think." He stared into the apartment, spotting the device still sitting on the corner of his kitchen counter inside. His body trembled with anger and regret, holding back tears of his own while he recollected the argument this morning.

"Chargebolt, thank you for your cooperation in this matter," spoke a fellow agent, her voice calming. "I'm sorry about-"

"No, what have you found?" Interrupted Kaminari, his eyes straining from spilling tears.

"We've retrieved your surveillance footage for what it was able to capture and came across this during the invasion." The agent held a pad, its screen revealing the front end of Kaminari's apartment while the event played. He watched you run through the floor towards the front door, disappearing out of frame until moments after a familiar silhouette appeared, his top hat clearly recognizable.

"Wait a minute! That's Mr. Compress," he exclaimed, grabbing the pad from the agent, glaring at the screen.

"When did you ever have a surveillance system installed?" Questioned Sero beside him.

"We arranged it when we hired him for his services," answered the agent. "It was... precautionary."

"Right."

"How did the Front find out about this?" Questioned Kaminari, his voice shocked.

"We're trying to determine that now," immediately replied the agent, taking the pad back from Kaminari. "But it would be worth noting that we also spotted this onscreen as well." Taken back by the agent's words, she rewound the digital footage on screen, playing through the end of Kaminari's argument up until the moment the anklet began blinking a light. "Someone switched on the anklet's tracker."

A silence was shared between Kaminari and the agent, however Sero looked between the two, confused on what revelation occurred amidst the conversation. "What's so strange about that?" He asked. "Kaminari would've wanted to know where they were."

"I didn't turn it on," explained Kaminari. "Because that mechanism doesn't work unless the anklet was already attached to the person in question. Why would I turn a tracker on if it wasn't on their ankle?"

A multitude of thoughts ran through his head, his eyes darting while he mulled over possible reasons before-

"Who else knows?" he asked, his eyes stern while he stared at the agent.

"Um... only the three of us," she replied, a little taken back by his forwardness.

"Good, keep it that way. This may be an internal affair. I want you only to report to me about this and no one else, got it?"

"But sir, I can't-"

"Please, just trust me," reasoned Kaminari. "If Red Riot and Persona trust your judgement, then I do too." He held his golden gaze on the agent before she nodded, taking the pad and leaving to continue the investigation. His thoughts mingled about, hoping it wasn't the worst case scenario that he imagined in his head. By instinct, he reached for his phone, searching on speed-dial to immediately bring it to his ear.

"Wait, who're you calling?" Asked Sero, slightly anxious of Kaminari's sudden burst of energy.

"Shinsou, we need to speak with his partner about this. They've been following that guy's trail this whole time, right?" explained Kaminari, still waiting.

"Yeah, but how is that going to help?"

To be frank, Kaminari didn't know how to answer that question, but his anger needed to be redirected somehow. He felt the guilt weigh heavily on his shoulders, imagining all of the scenarios that could have played out if only he had made these seemingly available decisions. But time was now against him.

"What is it, Kaminari?" spoke an exhausted tone on the other line.

"Shinsou, we need to meet up. Sero and I have some information that may be important to your case," explained Kaminari over the phone call, his eyes on Sero only to notice his reaction, slightly fervent to quiet Kaminari's request.

"Really? Which one? I've got my hands full with the Tartarus case, and Kitten..." Shinsou's voice trailed at the thought, leaving the phone silent in Kaminari's ear. "Is it about that guy?"

"Yeah, it's about that guy last night," confirmed Kaminari, his eyes still on Sero who had now resigned to Kaminari's actions. "But something else has come up. I'm sure you're going to have a field day with this."

#denki kaminari #kaminari #kaminari x reader #bnha #bnha au #pro heroes #bnha angst #bnha fanfiction

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antigoneidk · 4 years

Text

I ruined it|t.h.

the request: can u write a imagine where tom and the reader are having a romantic convo while cuddling the day before Valentine's day and tom accidentally spills what he bought for her for Valentine's day

A/N: this is cute I cant😍hope you like it

Warnings: fluff and fluff

It was the night before Valentine's day. You and your boyfriend Tom decided to cuddle in your bed watching a romantic film.

Your head was placed at his chest,allowing to hear his heartbeat. You felt yours beating at the same rhythm. Calm and peaceful. Your hands hugged his waist,not wanting him to leave your side. His hands gave you comfort and safety.

He kissed your forehead at some point and you looked at him with a big smile on your face. It was little things like this,that made you fall for him even more.He kept looking at you like you were the most precious thing in the world. And you were his.

"I love you"he said and it felt like the first time he used this 3 words. The butterflies kicked in.

"I love you too baby"you leaned and kissed gently his lips. His right hand moved to your cheek,keeping you closer to him. You tried to memorize everything. His moves,the feelings you got from this kiss. Everytime they got even stronger.

You climbed up to him.You stopped the kiss and stared at love of your life,checking every inch of his face. His hair,his forehead,his eyebrows,eyes,nose. You left two little kisses on his cheeks and smiled at him seeing his bright smile light up the whole room.

"Tomorrow is a special day"you said excited for tomorrow's surprise. He always wanted to take you on a little quick boat trip so you were about to make his wish come true. And then for a romantic dinner at a restaurant,having the sea as your view. In your head every detail was perfect.

"I know! But I want you to know that for me every day is Valentine's day. I mean it"you heart melted at this moment.

"Same for me but tomorrow is a special one. Every single person who is in love celebrates. And I got something for you"you said raising your eyebrows.

"Baby every moment is a celebration to me. Having you here with me,cuddling you,kissing you,holding you in my arms. I feel the most luckiest person in the whole universe."

Your heartbeat became faster. What did you do to deserve a man like him? A man that loves you and cherish you like no one did before? He grabbed your face pulling you closer and closer.

"I love you every day and more. I remember the first time I kissed you and said to myself that I loved you the most. But looking back,it was nothing compared to now.

Whenever you step into a room I feel so weak looking at you and how beautiful you are. Inside and out.When you look at me with those eyes that I can get lost in them. When you hold my hand. When you kiss me. I wonder what good did I do that led me straight to you? Why I am so lucky that I get called your boyfriend and one day maybe your husband? Well if you say yes"he laughed for a second.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And that's why I celebrate every day. I can give you a million other reasons why. But a day is not enough. Maybe a eternity but again to me even that doesn't sound enough"

You felt the need to cry from happiness. His words left you speechless. You hugged him with all the powers you got. You wanted to stay there for ever and never leave. Your everything was looking at you.

"I can't believe I got this lucky. The first time I saw you I remember telling my best friend how handsome you looked from the other side of the room and she said to me that I had actually the ability to make you fall for me. But you made me fall for you quicker that I thought.

With the words you speak,with your touch,even when your eyes are looking to me I am falling harder. The moment you saw me that day the world stopped. I will never forget that"you said to him and you saw from the mirror behind him how red your face turned. Was that even possible?

A scream from the T.V. made you both to jump. Was that even on this entire time? You got up to close it and started laughing from how scared you got.

You sat again this time next to him moving your feet up to his. You yawned and closed your eyes as you approached him and fell to his shoulder.

"Did that ruined the moment?"you asked.

"I think it made it even better"he joked."Do you want to sleep? I don't think you are comfortable here darling"the last thing you wanted to do is to get up. You whispered a weak no and moved closer to his body.

"What was your first impression of me?"you asked the only thing you didn't know after 1 and a half years in this relationship.

He stared at the dark sky and remained silent. Your eyes now wide open waited for his voice. But he wouldn't start. And that's when you stared thinking things you never did. Like was it that bad that he didn't want to say them out loud,especially sharing them with you,his girlfriend?

"Harry saw you first"he said talking for his little brother. The only sentence you didn't expect at all.

"What?"you asked now looking at him curious.

"Yes. He turned to me and said'A cute girl just came in'but I didn't pay any further attention to him. But he couldn't stop looking. That's when I got mad. So I told him to show me that 'cute girl'he couldn't take his eyes off. And then. Man.

You were standing there wearing that black sateen dress and your hair down wavy. Your hands moved as you kept speaking to your friends like you owned the place. You seemed confident. Your lips were red from your lipstick and I gotta say I imagined what was like kissing them. Then you looked at me.

I kept my breath. I didn't know what to do. That's why I looked away fast. I suddenly felt nervous and weak. Just from your eyes. I stared breathing heavily and the boys understood what happened. I never got to know how but to be honest I don't even care.

That's when I realized why my brother was not paying attention to us. And he wasn't wrong.

After a little while I looked at you again hoping that was just my imagination and yet. You were still there looking absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to make you fall for me the way I did for you.

Then you came to us. Your voice sounded so sweet. I melted right there and you didn't noticed. God you were a angel straight from Heaven. I was just standing there scanning you without being able to speak. I got scared that if I might even say a word you were going to disappear.

Eventually I did.

My heart was beating so fast that I was surprised none of you listened. I never felt like this in my entire life. You made me fall in love with you. So your friend was right. I was ready for you to come and light up my life.

While we were leaving I said to Harry that I was sorry for my behavior. But he got your phone number. He smiled and gave it to me saying that it was my time to shoot my shot. And look at us now."

Damn that was a lot to hear. You never knew the power you got over him Your eyes were sweating hearing his first impression of you. You felt guilty for your previous thoughts.

Seeing his face and recalling that first time you met each other me were enough for you to start cry and fell into his arms. You were happy. The most you have ever been.

"Why are crying baby?That wasn't what I had in plan. Stop and look at me"he said and you tried to follow what he said

"You're breaking my heart y/n. Stop baby please"he wiped your tears but new came.

"They are happy tears Tommy. I'm happy"you said quietly and faced him with your blurry vision.

He was the one for you and you knew it.

"I want you to laugh when you're happy not cry. I need to see your smile not your tears."

"I'll try I swear"you said and he kissed you so that you could calm. Tom knew how to calm you in every situation,either you were sad or mad.

"I have something for you but I'll take care of it. Ill tell them to bring it maybe the next day."he tried to stand up but you blocked him and forced him to stay with you.

"It can just wait until we come back?We can arrive earlier if this is what you want"

"No it's okay"he said and smiled but you could feel that he was a little upset.

It was just a gift that could be shipped to you and wait outside your door. It seemed easy to you.

"Baby if it is going to be shipped to us,we can go and take it after. You don't have to push it back"you said and held his hand to yours.

"The puppy isn't going to be shipped to us" WHAT PUPPY?

"A puppy?"you yelled at him excited.

He placed his hand to his lips looking at you shocked. He just revealed his surprise gift to you.

"Oh my God I feel so stupid"he covered his face. You sat on your knees in front of him trying to hug him.

A puppy was about to become part of your "family". A small being which you could cuddle all day. Something that you could share your love with. You were above the clouds.

"This is the best gift. Well after you but still. Don't feel stupid at all"you said and tried to take his hands from his face.

"I just ruined the surprise. I can keep a secret at all"you laughed at him and kissed his cheeks. His eyes met yours and the disappointment was painted at his face but to you he looked adorable and your mind tried to take a picture of this moment.

"No you did not! We are going to come home earlier and go take the puppy. Oh Gosh! We are about to get a puppy! Can you imagine that?"you asked him and yourself. You could see the two of you taking the little dog out for a walk,or play around the house all day.

You kissed his lips from the excitement you got. He held you. As the time went on it got deeper and deeper.

You tried to take control but he won. You followed his rytmh enjoying every second of it. You were complete.

"I think we should go get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day" Tom said and you took him to your bedroom.

You couldn't stop but think about the next day. You wanted to be perfect just for him. But it was nothing compared to what he got for you.

00:00

"Happy Valentine's day baby. I love you"you said and closed your eyes getting more comfortable into his hug.

"Happy Valentine's day. I love you"he whispered at your ear giving you goosebumps.

That was the last thing you remembered before the two of you fell asleep with nothing but happiness and love in your hearts.

________

@itstaskeen

#tomholland #tomhollandx #avengers #endgame #far from home #homecoming #infinity war #peter parker #spiderman #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagine #tom holland imagines #tom holland x #tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #peter parker imagine

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sainadazai · 3 years

Text

Chapter 5

^^^

A/n Hey I drew a lil doodoo drawing of y/ns suit

So yeah, this was a quick one when I was bored. Maybe Ill do more art for this book and better art later. I also apologize for the body type being on the side of thin- curvy.

I simply drew the common body shape for MHA's animated style, and then made the thighs a lil thicker because I felt like a garter deserves some nice thighs . If its not your body type, or it offends you, I apologize, and I can take it off this story if it bothers anyone.

Anyway..

On the way out of school that day, you could faintly hear the quarrel of two boys from your class, the ones whose fight earlier scared Ojiro. They seemed to have so much in common, and yet it pitted against them. They needed a wake up call, but it wasn't yours to give. The yelling was hard to just walk by, but you did your best to tune it out, you'd ease dropped enough earlier when you watched them put their hearts into their battle on the screen.

Still, your mind was preoccupied, so you walked past them easily, not even sparing a glance. Eyes stuck to the ground in concentration. Just trying to follow the little scrapes and grooves in the sidewalk you stood on.

Todoroki said thank you, after you apologized. As if he'd never heard it before, that's what his voice sounded like. Like no one ever noticed that fear he had in those heterochromatic eyes. Whatever happened to him, stuck with him. Bothered him, even. You could just tell.

Why hadn't you said something more? Or maybe all you said was all he neede-

"Oof!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you," He did see you, he saw you from meters away, looking at the ground. Perfect time for him to execute his plan.

You looked up from your spot on the ground, having fallen over. There stood Shoto Todoroki, in all his deadpan glory, looking down at you. He wasn't offering a hand so you did your best to stand on your own while keeping your underwear hidden. The boy didn't seem like the type who would look, but you never know.

"Ah, don't worry, um, its my fault anyways." You had been waiting for the chance to talk to him, but now he stood in front of you, there was nothing you felt comfortable saying. Earlier in class you totally embarrassed yourself in front of him, and then scared him. In a mean way too, in a trauma way.

"I don't really see how it's your fault."

So he did want to talk to you? He could have simply left after the brief apologies, but he stayed, protesting your claim. That and the privacy, made it much easier to respond to the boy.

"Well, I was staring at the ground, so not really the best way to walk through a place where anyone else could be." You kept your gaze at his shoes, to prevent from overthinking and getting flustered. This was supposed to be the beginning of a great friendship.

"Hm, you always look at the ground?" He pondered seriously, as you used his voice to block out the sounds of yelling a couple hundred meters away.

What was he implying with that question? Did he mean it as an insult, or was he just curious? He always seemed so sincere with his words, blunt but soft. It was strange to you, but it felt trustworthy.

"What do you mean?"

"You always seem to be looking at the ground, like in the quirk assessment test, and when you were beating me earlier. Why do you do that, L/n?" Todoroki took a step forward, standing one meter away from you.

"I guess to distract myself?" You were guessing out loud, but again something about it felt okay. Like you could say whatever you wanted and he would still just be there, curious eyes staring down at you.

"What are you distracting yourself fr-"

"You were super cool in the training earlier!" You almost yelled at him, not feeling like describing the eyes that felt so prying on you every time you spoke. Similarly not wishing to relive all the years where talking got you beat up in alleys on your walk home, and black eyes began to mark your face more commonly than not. It's not like that would be important to him, at least your wounds healed.

He had that trauma, whatever it was, constantly screaming at him in the mirrors or reflections of himself. A scar that widens his stoic eyes at the mere presence of heat, something that must hurt him very badly. Your childhood bullies are nothing to him, so it's best to talk about anything else.

"Oh, um thank you, L/n, but you were the one who won after all. I won't let you best me again, you know."

"Oh, I um, I'm not sure that win was fair.." You rubbed the back of your neck, hiding your embarrassment for your actions earlier. It didn't seem to cross your mind that what you did was actually what you were supposed to do. All you could think of was the look in his eyes that you put there, and you didnt ever wanna see it again.

Todoroki could sense that feeling of guilt in you, he'd felt it plenty of times before. Alone in his room when he dreams of his mothers face, sitting at his desk at school, thinking of all of the times he lost control of his quirk as a kid, in training. He learned to see it in others, you felt like it was an unfair win because you had scared him. That was your job, though, wasn't it? Why were you so upset at your success? He didn't understand.

"Did you break a rule, or something?"

"No.."

"Then how could you have cheated?"

"I just.. Look whatever happened to you eye-" you stopped as you noticed him stiffen. It wouldn't be nice to make him relive his trauma either, so what were you meant to say?

"I just shouldn't have used heat, I could tell that was a burn scar and it was a cruel thing to do." you looked down at the ground feeling like the shittiest hero in the world.

"You were playing the villain, though, weren't you?" He spoke again, seeming to have regained his stoic presence and stone face.

"I guess I was, but I'm here to become a hero. A hero wouldn't do something like that."

"Maybe they would." He started talking with certainty that disobeyed his use of the word 'maybe'.

"Huh?"

"Not all heroes are what you think they are, L/n." He looked you dead in the eyes, the intensity of his aura growing and it almost felt like you were supposed to cower in fear. Still, you held your ground, despite now being only inches away from him.

"Sounds like you speak from experience," You tilted your head becoming more outwardly spoken and allowing your thoughts to exit your mouth.

"That's a topic for another day, goodnight, L/n." With that, he turned away and walked stiffly out of U.A.'s gates. Leaving a million questions to run through your mind.

Did this make you friends now? When would that other day come? Had you just eternally ruined your chances at being a hero? Was he right? Were some heroes bad, like you? Were you bad? There were too many questions for you to answer yourself. So you settled from going home and making some dinner with your parents, you missed them, after having to be friends with other kids all day. They would be your comforting escape from highschool, or well, two days worth of highschool.

When you arrived at the barrier-like gates of your school the next morning, you were rushed with reporters. They were men and women, tall and short, circling around you all at once. You could hear the sweet and kind voice of Uraraka from afar, but you couldn't see her over the swarm of reporters. It was terrifying.

"What's it like having all might as your teacher?"

"Is the hero course majorly improved by the symbol of peace's presence?"

"Why did All Might become a teacher?"

"Have you done any training with the number one pro?"

Being here almost felt like being in your own mind. Swarmed with questions you don't have the answers too, or the confidence to answer them if you do. It was overwhelming, the world began to spin around you and your palms grew sweaty. E/c eyes shot in every direction to find an escape but they couldn't, you were trapped. Then, little black dots started to crowd up your vision like ants in your eyes and you fell unconscious.

The brown haired girl who had been happily indulging reporters noticed your fall and ran to you, grabbing hold of your arm. She wasn't really sure what had happened, but she decided to just take you into class with her. The reporters busying themselves with other arriving students.

Ochako took it upon herself to take hold of your backpack and drag your limp body by it, all the way up the hill and into the buildings of U.A. She wouldn't admit it, due to being a bit shy, but you caught her eye on the first day of school, and she'd been meaning to befriend you. Unlike the group of girls who she noticed had adopted you, Ochako spent her first few days with Deku and Iida. Securing herself in a nice little group with them.

However, you were very pretty, and adorably shy, and she really wanted to be your friend. Then after your awesome performance in yesterday's training, she was set on it. This was a great opportunity for her to help someone out, and make a new friend!

Strange looks came from every direction as the short, pink-cheeked girl dragged your seemingly lifeless form through the halls. They were both concerned for you, and confused at her calmness in the situation. However, no one spoke on it, fearing a hero class student might have some weird reason to do a strange thing like this.

Well, no one until Deku. He had been excited to greet his friend until he noticed her unusual baggage.

"Hi Urarak-Is that L/n?!" His eyes shot wide and he almost jumped back.

She looked down to you, and then back up at the freckled boy, "Oh, yeah" rubbing her neck she added, "She sorta passed out by the reporters and I couldn't just leave her there!"

"Oh my god! Is she okay? Should we take her to recovery girl? What if she has iron deficiency? Did the reporters zap her with some sort of quirk?"

"Deku...Deku...DEKU!"

"Wahh!?Yes?"

"She is fine, I think she just got overwhelmed." Uraraka tried to calm him. She wasn't all that sure about your condition herself, but it didn't seem crazy like Midoriya was implying. You just looked panicked. Her head turned as soon, Todoroki walked up to 1.A. 's door.

"Oh, hello L/n.." he looked down at you, kicked your side a bit to check if you were dead or not. Honestly, he wasn't very surprised to see you passed out in the halls, having assumed you were met with the reporters as well. Todoroki couldn't blame you for falling unconscious, he wished he could have, too.

At his nudge, you stirred awake, and then all at once, shot up to your feet defensively. "A-All Mights cool, okay! He's fine, he's just fine. Please I-" Then your eyes cleared and you were no longer in front of the school. The people surrounding you were no longer reporters, but your classmates.

"Oh, um, hi..guys?"

"I already said hello to you, L/n."

"While I was unconscious?"

"Yes."

"How does tha-"

"Get outta my way you losers!" The puff of blonde hair and rabies stormed through the halls. Back slumped like an angry old man, scowl resting on his face. He was not excited for school after yesterday, and those damn reporters made it worse, bringing up the sludge monster incident. So imagine the rage when the annoying girl who placed just behind him on almost everything was at the door, looking stupid, and nervous, and in his way.

"L/n! You better get out of that doorway!"

You squeaked, not because bakugou's empty threats scared you, but because if you defied him, that meant speaking words. He seemed pretty good at words, so you didn't want to test it. His voice was also way too loud for someone who had just woken up from what you thought was a near death experience.

People were scary.

Soon enough, however, everyone was settled in class. You, in your seat next to Todoroki, who didn't seem quite as cold as the day prior. Not to say his face was any less stone-like or his voice was any less monotone, but the aura around him wasn't as intense. That comforted you as Aizawa began the days homeroom period.

"Decent work on yesterday's combat training, you guys. I saw the video feeds and went over each of your team's results. Bakugou, you're talented, so don't sulk like a child about your loss, okay?"

Said boy huffed a breath "Yeah, whatever."

"And midoriya.."

He continued talking about how Midoriya has to break himself to use his quirk, but you tuned it out because the memory of seeing it was pretty gross.

"L/n, your battle with Todoroki was risky, he was less than a foot away from a victory by the time you took action, additionally, you're going to have to get those nerves under control. We can't have you apologizing every time you use your quirk. It's a waste of air."

His call out of your name was enough to shock your eyes open, but him criticizing your work in front of others? That was terrifying. You knew he was right, about everything, it was his job to be, after all. Still, it hurt to hear, considering it wasn't like you intended on being shy. Your body just clamped up and started to sweat when other people came around. It got super hot and loud and scary until you muttered an apology, nothing about it was voluntary. If anything, you really wanted to be extroverted and say what's on your mind and be bold. The world just seemed to have different plans, you supposed.

"Sor- I mean, uh, yes sir!"

Todoroki shot you a side glance , internally a bit proud at your ability to stop the apology that rested on your tongue. He was having an internal battle with himself about why he wanted it and why he didn't. The argument points being; it's adorable when you're shy, it's kind to apologize - versus - you being confident yesterday was arousing, and making quick progress is a sign of intelligence. A tough battle for the young boy's mind.

"Today we'll be choosing a class representative. Hurry up and choose before class ends." Aizawa zipped himself away in his sleeping bag and the class was left confused. Until you suppose everybody wanted to be class rep. Then there was an abundance of screaming and begging. From the red haired boy, the pink skinned girl, the kind girl from lunch. The whole class thought they would be worthy leaders. You heavily disagreed.

From your experience in previous schooling, class representatives were meant to be somebody smart, strong minded, compassionate, a good leader. These were just a ton of kids begging for attention, really, you aspired to be just like them.

Aizawa was right, though, you needed to get the whole shy thing under control, and fast if you wanted people here to view you as a threat. So you decided you probably wanted momo as class rep and slumped in your seat to strategize ways to be more bold.

While you were zoning off in your seat, Iida took charge of the situation, you guessed it was always going to come down to a vote, but good on him for 'coming up with it.'

"Hey, L/n."

"Wha?! Oh todoroki, um, yes?"

"Who are you choosing?"

"Um, Yaoyorozu.."

"Why?"

"Well, she is smart, and kind, and probably a good leader, so"

"Okay. Me too then."

His words didn't make sense to you. Was he agreeing with you just because of something you said?vIt couldn't be. Maybe he was insisting that he, too, was a good leader. That would make more sense than agreeing with you.

"You're a good leader too?"

"No. I will also vote for yaoyorozu."

"B-b-but...WHY!?!" your eyes widened in shock as you whisper-yelled at him.

"You don't want me to?" he asked, still in deadpan.

"I-well I do, B-but um, nevermind." It was better to return your gaze to yo[ur desk. He would think you are weird if you said something about it being because of you. He probably just also saw those traits in momo, it had nothing to do with you.

There were almost tears in your eyes. It felt as if the whole world was rooting against you, cheering for your failure. Eyes were watching and glaring, it felt like it'd be better to just curl up into a ball on the floor. Be so small they cant see you anymore, then maybe the universe would stop hating you so much.

They were out of soba for lunch. You would rather starve.

Next to you, on the way to some random table, momo was complaining about how Midoriya was president. She didn't understand what he really could do, being that he was so shy to attention. He reminded her of you, but she would never say that. It would make you nervous, like you and he were competitors, and he is so much nicer than you.

"Hey! Over here!" Ashido called to the two of you, waving her hand frantically.

"As I was saying, he does show some signs of good leadership, but im worried he is too nervous right now."

"Mm, yeah.." Your hand came up to wave at said boy, who had been making an uncomfortable eye-contact with you for quite some time.

Over at Midoriya's table, the conversation about pros had shifted to you. As Iida was explaining his family business, or hero-business, it led him to the memory of having been told a story about you. About your dad, to be precise.

"Yes. And I dont think I'm the only descendant of a pro in our class."

"What?!' Ochako screamed, eyes wide and shaking in excitement.

His gaze flickered to where you walked slowly next to a rambling black haired girl. No lunch in hand and mind seemingly elsewhere.

"Yes. I recall the story of one rising pro from years ago, under the name of Magneto. He was almost in the top ten ranks after less than a year of hero work, and climbed quickly. His private life was kept under wraps but his last name was L/n. That, and the metal quirk lead me to believe that the L/n of our class is his relative in some way." Iida presented the information with less gestures than he used for his own family, but more like he was solving a mystery, one he seemed quite proud to have deciphered.

"Oh I know Magneto, he retired around the same time All Might got famous." Uraraka added.

They were both quite indifferent at this information, but Midoriya was thinking a million miles a second. He knew exactly why your relative retired. In the battle where All Might saved over a hundred people, and became famous, the battle he'd watched a thousand times as a kid, Magneto was injured, along with his pregnant wife. It caught the news a couple days later and he had written down everything.

So was this hero your father? Uncle? Cousin? Is this how you got to be so strong? He was so busy feeling in awe of you he began to stare. Lost in the gate of your stride, and the stillness of your lips, how they were pursed in a straight line as if you disagreed with something. Those e/c eyes were however lost in thought. Until you spoke something quietly and looked up at him, holding eye contact.

He blushed slightly at being caught and decided he should just wave, and you waved back.

From the other side of the table, Todoroki could hear everything. He could acknowledge that you were strong, with or without a famous dad, but he wondered if the pro-hero dad thing was the same for you as it was for him, He'd hope not, he assumed not, too. Even if your life wasn't what he had thought it was, you always smiled so brightly. When you thought no o[ne was looking, you'd smile at Midoriya's success, and the fighting of the kids in front of you. Sometimes he even caught you smiling to yourself in class, as you just wrote down some English questions.

That smile didn't feel like it came from struggle, or masking pain, it felt genuine. He found that he really liked that.

"Warning Level 3 Security Breach!"

#todoroki fluff #shoto torodoki #todoroki shoto x reader #mha todoroki #todoroki x reader #mha fanfiction #mha fluff #momo yaoyozoru #yaomomo #momo x reader

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mellometal · 3 years

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I know I said I don't associate myself with the Panic! fandom anymore, but this is something I have been ACHING to talk about. This is some bad timing, since it was Brent Wilson's birthday recently (yes, his birthday is July 20th, NOT August 20th; source: I've been following him on Twitter for five years and he's actually said this), but this is going to be about Brent and the whole situation with him.

Warning: What I'm about to say about the situation with Brent Wilson (original bassist) is heavily biased, since I do stan him. YEAH. I STAN BRENT MATTHEW WILSON, THE ORIGINAL BASSIST OF PANIC! AT THE DISCO. CRY ABOUT IT. STAY MAD. He's one of the ONLY members of Panic! At The Disco (past and present) who I give a fuck about, besides Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Ian Crawford.

Trigger warning: This will be talking about arrest, jail, drugs (doing and selling), weapons (guns), childbirth, parenthood, and some other things. If these things are triggering for you or make you uncomfortable in any way, you do not have to read this post. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

Disclaimer: I don't know Brent in real life, I'm not in his circle of friends or people he's closest to (like his wife Taylor, his parents, his brother Blake, his in-laws, his irl friends, coworkers, etc.), and this is not me acting like I do. I don't know what his life is like outside of Twitter. The only contact I've ever had with him has been on Twitter, but it was pretty limited.

My thoughts on this situation are MY opinion, any possibilities in my thoughts are just theories and not proven to be true, and I'm not trying to excuse whatever he was allegedly charged with.

Just for the record, I am willing to have a civil conversation with anyone who hates Brent. The minute you attack me or anyone else who likes Brent, or a whole bunch of you start circle jerking about how much you hate him, you're getting blocked. If all you're going to bring up is the shit Brent did when he was in his late teens instead of adding anything useful to the discussion, you're getting blocked too. I already know about that. It happened back in 2004-2006. They were all still kids, to a point. Brent has changed quite a bit since then. The whole "Hate on Brent Wilson" bandwagon is stupid, toxic, and I refuse to jump on it. I've never jumped on it when I was in the Panic! fandom, so why would I do it now?

Remember, without Brent bringing Br3nd0n Ur!3 into Panic!, your precious Br3nd0n wouldn't be successful today. JUST SO YA KNOW. (I'm very salty right now, if you can't already tell.)

If you would like to know about what happened with Brent, a few months ago, he was arrested on (alleged) drug charges and illegal possession of a weapon, along with a traffic violation and something to do with a probation violation too. He was set to go to court back in March for his sentencing, but that's the most recent information I've found. I don't know what the fuck is going on at this point. I don't know if he's been sentenced, if he's doing anything alternative like rehabilitation, nothing. (The reason why I said they're alleged charges is because I don't know if he's even been to court for sentencing or anything like that.)

People's reactions were mixed. Some actually LAUGHED and made a whole bunch of jokes about him being arrested (that's fucking insensitive and cruel). Some felt bad for Brent because he just became a dad (yes, he's a dad, but I'm not posting any pictures of the kid out of respect for Brent and Taylor). Some were shocked. Some weren't surprised (how and why????).

My reaction? It was pretty mixed. I was shocked. I thought I was having a fever dream and what I was seeing was fake at first. When I realized it wasn't fake, I was crushed. I felt absolutely horrible for Brent, Taylor, their kid, and all their loved ones. Like, I care about the guy a lot. Obviously.

Ironically, the band members and/or group members I stan are either the black sheep or they're just not as popular. Or they're the fucking scapegoat almost EVERYONE attacks for the stupidest shit. Brent's the black sheep as well as the scapegoat of Panic!, for example....and I would say that Ian is another black sheep too. Not for any negative reasons. He's simply not as popular, due to the fact he was only in Panic! during the Vices era for a short time. He's underrated as FUCK. I'm one of the black sheep in a lot of places [except for friend groups], even in my own family, so it explains why I stan Brent still.

I just want to say that selling drugs and doing drugs aren't inherently bad things to do. This doesn't mean that I'm for kids doing drugs and selling them. Absolutely not. I want people who do drugs or sell drugs to be treated like human beings. I also want them to be able to seek help easier without the judgment or being treated like a criminal. Personally, I don't do any of that, but I understand why someone would. (This kind of thing hits home for me.)

As far as the whole weapon thing is concerned (it was a gun), I personally don't like them and we need better gun control in the United States. I don't think I'd trust anyone who owns a gun because of the possibility that they would hurt me or worse in an argument or something. I've seen my abuser threaten to pull a gun out on my dad when I was a kid. Thankfully it wasn't loaded, but still. It was scary. I wouldn't own a gun because I'm autistic, mentally ill, and I'm afraid of what I might do in certain situations. If someone wants to own a gun for protection, hunting, target practice, or to collect them, fine. BUT YOU DON'T NEED A HUGE ASS GUN THAT THE MILITARY USES TO GO HUNTING OR FOR TARGET PRACTICE. I don't like them, I don't want one, I don't trust myself with one, guns scare me, and I want better gun control in the United States. It terrifies me that people openly carry. I understand that's the Second Amendment and all, but it doesn't change the fact that it terrifies me. As long as you're responsible with that kind of thing, I don't really care.

I don't know what Brent's reason was for (allegedly) owning a weapon (maybe for protection or something?), but it's none of my business.

In my opinion, this is all stupid shit. There are people who have done horrible things and they're STILL free people, but oh, god forbid you do or sell drugs! THAT'S bad. /s

Here's my response below. I'll type out everything, except for the disclaimers and what he was arrested for. I will start from the fifth paragraph on the first screenshot and continue from there. This is so anyone who has a hard time reading any of the screenshots can read them easier.

(My response was from around the time it was announced that he was arrested. Just so you know.)

First screenshot, fifth paragraph:

First off, I just want to say that this situation is a fucked up one for anyone to be in. I would never wish this on anyone. Especially because now, there's a baby involved, so this makes the situation worse. This is pretty difficult for me to put into words without coming off as bitchy or anything like that, so if I get bitchy here, I apologize.

Second screenshot, fifth paragraph:

I don't know what caused this mess to begin with, but I do know that Brent and his wife Taylor just had a baby a couple months ago (when I was typing this out initially). While it's a good thing for them, it can be assumed that this is also a very stressful time for them.

Combination of third and fourth screenshots (These are pretty much only theories; not facts, and they will be broken up into paragraphs):

The pandemic most likely isn’t helping their case. Las Vegas is a HUGE city and I’m sure A LOT of people there are REALLY struggling right now in all aspects. Maybe Brent and Taylor are struggling to pay off hospital bills or whatever (to put this into perspective, the average cost for hospital childbirth in Nevada is around $21,239, according to CBS News). The average salary for an accountant in Nevada is anywhere from $34k to $150k, and that all depends on education, experience (how long you’ve been in said career), certifications, and any additional skills. Take into account any other necessities they have to pay for, like their mortgage, bills, insurance, etc.

Let’s say that they did manage to pay everything else off, but they’re struggling to pay the hospital bills from when they had their baby. (Having a baby is fucking expensive in the United States, regardless of whether there are complications or not, and regardless of whether you have insurance or not.) Let’s say they’ve tried every single option out there, but nothing seems to give still. Maybe the drug selling was a last resort on Brent’s part. (As I’ve said, I don’t know the full story.)

The whole subject of drug paraphernalia hits home for me. My parents both did drugs when I was a kid. I’ve seen it a lot growing up. My dad was, in the past, in and out of jail for drugs and other things that aren’t relevant here. I’m not sure if my mom was in and out of jail for the same shit, but I know for a fact my dad was. Y’know, because he told me. ANYWAYS.

I get it. You gotta do what you gotta do. It’s not something I’d do personally, but I understand why somebody would do it. I wouldn’t treat them any differently. Maybe they’re selling drugs or whatever to keep themselves from losing their homes, put food on the table for their families, help pay their bills, pay for their education, whatever. It could be a number of things.

Fifth screenshot (people’s reactions to the news and my thoughts on them):

Now...let’s move on to how people are reacting to the news. There’s a lot of mixed reactions. A lot of people feel bad for Brent, especially since he and Taylor just had a baby a couple months ago (as I was typing this). Some people “aren’t surprised” because they were never fans of him in the first place. Others think this is amusing. I’ve seen some people who are solely involved in celebrity news (similar to TMZ) making jokes about the situation, which to me, is appalling.

Let me tell you something. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fan of Brent or not. This shit isn’t funny or cute in the slightest. It sure isn’t funny or cute to anyone who is being affected by the situation, which includes Brent himself, Taylor, their son, and all their loved ones. Like, full stop. Have some decency. Y’all are fucking gross. You can dislike Brent all you want, but he’s a real human being who fucked up. Personally, when I first heard the news, I couldn’t believe it at first. I thought I was having a fever dream. That is, until I looked it up and actually found that it was true. I was CRUSHED. Why? Because Brent is one of the last people I’d even expect to get into this whole mess.

Sixth screenshot (my thoughts):

If I’m being honest here...like, BRUTALLY honest, Brent needs to be put in REHAB, not jail. For anyone who has been here (on my Instagram) from when I used to dedicate this account to vintage Panic!, you know how I’ve never said anything but kind things about Brent. From the few times I’ve interacted with him a little bit on Twitter and from how I’ve seen him interact with others on the site, Brent is one of the sweetest people ever. I’m being genuine here. He’s a good guy who fucked up and did some dumb shit. Does that make him bad? No. Then again, as far as I’ve read about the current situation at hand, it’s too early to really determine anything. None of us know what caused him to have drug paraphernalia or anything else that he was arrested for in the first place.

Seventh screenshot (wrap-up):

I’m gonna wrap this up here. My heart aches for Brent, Taylor, their son, and all their loved ones. I hope that everything gets straightened out, all sides of the story come out, and that Brent can get his shit together again. Like he had been doing since he was kicked out of Panic!. I wish everyone involved nothing but the absolute best right now, given how fucked up the whole situation is. (Just to clear up any confusion, when I was referring to Taylor, I’m NOT referring to Taylor Swift or any other celebrity with the name Taylor. I’m referring to Brent’s wife.)

If you’ve read this far, thank you! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I’ll try to answer as best as I can.

Have my thoughts on the situation changed since February - March of this year? No.

I think that Brent needs some kind of help. That's why I mentioned rehab. It's obvious to me that's the kind of help he needs. I don't believe jail is helpful in certain circumstances (like drug charges, traffic violations, and other nonviolent crimes)....at least in the United States. They treat people who do drugs and/or sell drugs like they're subhuman. Yet there are people who have committed violent, deplorable, horrific crimes, and they're still free people. Funny how that works. I'm not too educated about how the jail system works in other countries, so I can't exactly tell you how I feel about that system on an international standpoint.

Brent should be with his wife and child. I hope the guy gets his shit together again. I believe Brent WILL get his shit together. Genuinely. I would never wish anything bad on him.

I don't crucify Brent like a lot of people in the Panic! fandom do. The only reason I would hypothetically do so is if Brent actually committed violent, deplorable, horrific crimes (i.e., chomo bullshit, trafficking...like, extreme shit) that would warrant him being locked up and I'd drop him completely at that point. OBVIOUSLY I DON'T SEE HIM DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT. EVER. THAT'S JUST HYPOTHETICAL.

Anyways....have a good day, y'all.

#mello speaks #brent wilson #panic! at the disco #tw drugs #tw possession of a weapon #tw weapon mention #brent matthew wilson #holy shit I'm talking about PANIC! despite not associating with the fandom anymore? wow!#cw arrest #i really hope they're okay though #this situation is a fucked up one for anyone to be in

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cosmictulips · 3 years

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Good time, it's very nice to know you exist 🍵🛶🏰🪔🍯🍯🍯 I'm 18, T, libra sun, leo moon, cap ris. if u could help, that'd be a big thank you

recently I've been feeling kinda shut off from any type of spirituality, universe, can't trust my own mind because i don't want to make things up and go with a lie, not imagination play - a terrible lie to oneself. so, i can only trust others. been asking for a clear sign that i wouldn't doubt for as long as i can remember, and nothing... am i tryna knock on the door that wasn't meant for me? then i don't understand anything. i feel left out of my own life. i try pulling out any advice, but then, my intuition may be just wishful thinking. nothing i ever do comes as i intend. I've let go of logic, of expectations, but it feels like a one way communication. can't remember dreams. locked out of everything and losing hope. i don't think it's a wall i made. i don't want to make up a voice in my head, it is my biggest fear, i want to actually hear one.

so, one question - why am i being unanswered?

pun unintended

thank you in advance, you're very kind.

have a wonderful weekend, and every weekend some good news

Hey Friend =) I truly hope other people see this ask too because I think your ask is very important. so I hope you don’t mind that I kind of get personal with you. Truth be told, I’ve been feeling the exact same way recently. it’s happened when I was first starting out with the Craft -as I like to call it - and it happens from time to time. even now. these past two weeks have been a wreck for me and it really feels like I haven’t been heard by the universe. No, not heard. I’ve been heard. but to me, it feels like I’ve been deemed unworthy.

And especially with divination, reading for myself has always been wrong. which is why I no longer trust reading for myself. and I don’t particularly trust it when people say they read for themselves. because too me, how do you know you’re not lying to yourself? I always, always tell people to be careful because the universe can and WILL tell you what you want to hear. it’s hard approaching divination with a very unbiased, neutral head. and it’s kind of why I’ve fought some people over their readings. people only ever project to others and to the univeres what they want. so if I or you were to tell them otherwise, it’s wrong.

So you’re right to take a step back if it doesn’t feel right to you. and here’s where I’m going to start contradicting myself a little bit here. You need to start trusting yourself. fully, undoubtedly and ruthlessly. trust yourself so much that people almost think you’re full of arrogance. and that’s the key word, almost. Be open minded enough to new ideas and to change the way you think of things. but always, always trust yourself to know what is best for you. Only YOU are going to know the best route to take for yourself.

I started being answered when I started trusting the guidance that was coming in for me. I started to notice the little signs at first. Notice any repeating numbers? colors? any certain phrases you hear too often? read too often? is there an animal or group of animals that tend to show up at odd places? slowly start to take notice of these things. Also, truly dig deep into what you believe in. if you want to get into spirituality, ask yourself why. what is it that you believe that matches that. I got into it because I felt so alone in a church and no one was listening. and for awhile, I was thrown in circles the minute I opened myself up to the universe. but instead of blocking it out, I kept pushing. I kept trying to see the pattern, and I kept trying to change it.

and that could be what’s happening for you. I know you said that you think it’s not a wall you built. but darling, it is. I think it comes from a fear you’re not ready to recognize yet. it could be the fear of the unknown, it could be a fear of failure, but you’ve built a wall.

Spirituality is made for everyone. It’s okay to have blocks, to doubt your abilities and be unsure of whether or not the universe actually hears you. the universe brought you to me. so obviously it hears you. =)

but you cannot hear it and I think that’s what needs to change.

So let me give you some advice on what I do when I begin to feel these blocks. like I have been recently.

1. I pray to my gods. you don’t have to be into worshiping gods. you can simply pray to the universe like I did and still do from time to time. You’ll know it’s listening when you feel the warmth of the sun, and the gentle breeze of the wind. perhaps you’ll see an animal or two ;) my sister is a good example of this, she sees dogs everywhere when she’s looking for a sign from the universe lol. 2. I turn to divination. My readings for myself may not be true but it’s good practice. I also turn to other forms to try to grow in those skills as well. Runes, bindrunes, automatic writing, etc there’s SO MANY divination techniques. tarot may not be your thing but scrying might be. look around and see what fits.

3. I play hertz music. I find that music really helps me out lol. hertz is juts frequency waves set to a certain wave length so parts of ... our... ... so like our energy can pick up on it. there’s a better explanation for it but for me, it really helps lol 4. I keep pushing. even when it feels like I’m not being answered, and sometimes you won’t be answered. that’s the thing. the universe wants you to better yourself. and to grow. and sometimes that means trusting yourself to know where to go because it won’t give you an answer. be brave, and go forward.

I’ll go more into what I want you to do, but let me pull out your cards first so you finally have a reading lolol.

So for you I pulled the Lovers, Strength, The Sun and the Knight of Pentacles. with the Ace of Cups as the overall energy.

so it’s really what I’ve been saying lol. The knight of pentacles here is telling me to move slowly. it’s okay that things don’t make sense to you right off the bat. Patience is a virtue here. Going into your craft, your practice, it’s okay to question things. spirituality is a lot different than most religions so coming from a different place and settling into a new one can be tough. it requires a lot of change. and that tends to scare some people. Ya know? we’re all so used to hearing different things -mostly bad- about sprituality and how it’s all “fake” but darling, dipping your toes in and slowly breaking the surface is how everyone starts out. Once you get comfortable with the idea and with your own intuition the fun will begin.

Next you have the Lovers, Strength and the Sun. This is telling me you need to let yourself love. bring courage and strength into this. It’s going to take you loving yourself, being confident in yourself and going forth even if it seems fake. does that make sense? You might have a mental illness. I’ve got some strong anxiety that borders on paranoia. Okay, but in my heart of hearts I knew this was the call for me because I’ve seen too much shit to not believe spirituality wasn’t my path. so I forced myself to be more confident in my abilities. I forced myself to be open to the universe even if it felt like I was talking to a wall. I forced myself to sit down and learn divination and kept a dream journal even if most nights there was nothing but darkness.

and you need to bring that to yourself. if you are serious about this, learn to open yourself to the universe. In the beginning I had to lie to myself. it’s just what it is. but the more I connected to the universe, and the more I began to trust my intuition, the more the lying ceased to happen. because suddenly it was true. suddenly those signs told me I was on the right path. and suddenly everything I was studying made sense. given time it will make sense for you as well.

People, including me, are telling you what you already know. You just don’t trust yourself to hold onto those words. you don’t trust yourself enough to put that same love into you and out into the universe. and maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt. being vulnerable to the universe does mean that sometimes we go through rough patches. we have to break old cycles for new ones to begin. but much like the Lovers, once you make that choice to love and be loved, you will shine.

The ace of cups tells me there is something new coming for you. but you have to choose to let it happen okay? you have to stop thinking you’re not good enough and that you’re not being heard. because you are... because you’re here talking to me ;) the universe wouldn’t have sent you to me if that wasn’t the case. and I think a part of you knows that.

so here’s what I want you to do. Take the first steps. Start keeping a dream journal. the only way we as humans can recall our dreams is if we’re actively thinking of them when we first wake up. that means no media ;) lay there and think about what you dreamed. Like last night I had a dream I set the house on fire and was crying that I lost a textbook. idk, it was weird lol. dreams don’t have to make sense. write them down. keep a glass of water by your bed. for some reason it helps.

If you’re gonna sit there and tell me but you’ve tried everything, try again ;) try it from a new perspective. instead of going in all “this is going to fail” think of it as “this has already worked once and I’m doing it again to better myself”

let your confidence shine. I had to lie to myself everyday until I finally believed I was a decent human being. I still struggle with it but damn have I gotten noticed by more people who tell me that I literally shine like the sun. people notice your changes. some of us just won’t say it ;) that being said, be prepared to fight for your beliefs.

Learn what your beliefs are. Learn to defend them. because the universe does not take this journey lightly. the minute you start to doubt that you’re ever made for this, is going to be the second it closes on you until you force yourself to try again. much like how we’re both in this spot now ;) trust and KNOW that the universe wants what is best for you.

Tap into your higher self and your shadow self. work on what needs to be healed and what your higher self wants for you to do. this could literally be anything from getting therapy, to doing art, to listening to music, to talking to people who have hurt you. like it’s endless but it helps.

Lastly, understand that these things take time. You have some major energy wanting to work with you. you need to start trusting yourself more, and letting down that wall. you built it, you can destroy it.

I don’t hear a voice telling me which way to go. I get feelings. very strong ones. that I’ve had to learn are different from my anxiety. In the beginning that meant I had to pretend to ignore the feeling to see what the reaction would be. when something happened and I knew it was going to happen, I knew what I had felt was my intuition.

Learn to recognize what is your instinct and what is your intuition. my instinct is that my hands get a little shaky and I can’t stop moving around. my intuition keeps me still. it’s quick and alert. for you it could be something different. you might actually hear a voice.

I’m willing to work with you if you want me to. I’ve been in that exact same situation and form time to time I feel the same way. it’s never about the destination, it’s always the journey.

You’ve got this. You know you do. break down the wall, and come join us ;) I hope this helps sorry for the long.... long post lmao If you ever need anything, please reach out =)

#free tarot reading #tarot reading

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the-weeping-fox · 4 years

Text

you save yourself.

I'll save myself this time around.

i had a feeling id hear from you on my birthday.

i thought id get a call or text though. so not winning big on that bet.

it still shakes me pretty bad.

i wonder if you knew how obsessed I was with you.

i know you have an idea, but i don't think you'll ever really know.

nothing scary. just... an overabundance of love and affection. you were my air. i wanted to breathe you in.

thought I smelled you for a second the other day when I was cleaning out my room.

its hard. I miss my best friend. I miss the love of my life.

heard your sister got engaged. bout time.

i wonder... if things never went sideways with us.. would we be married now? im sure we would've come around.

but i think thats a silly thought.. i think we were always sideways. even in the beginning. fighting and begging you to date me. christ.

hard memories and harder feelings.

lots of things have been happening to me and for me. things I wish you could share in. places I see your shadow.

waiting to schedule therapy till after my move. been processing alone. its hard. even with people who care. im trying to let go of the anger.

im really angry you hurt me. no matter how you slice it, you put me through some really awful things.

I would tell you that I had a theory that as someone got older, they would learn how to feel another Feeling simultaneously. Like, if you were 30, you could potentially feel 30 Feelings at once. Maybe some overlapping, maybe some individual.

I say this, because I feel like this is how my feelings towards you are built. I have this structure of Love and Friendship that we originally built, through fun sex and taking care of each other. But then these other really horrible feelings of Betrayal and Angry due to.. everything that happened.

I just... i was your sweet boy and you lied and hurt me. Ill never understand. I feel like a kicked Kitten. I try and put logic to it, but it just hurts me more.. trying to make sense of it. trying to put your shoes on and see it from your eyes... hurts. i don't know if ill ever understand how you could it and live with yourself.

i had some part in all of it too. i don't want to spend my life as a victim. i put so much love and faith into you. and the one thing I needed... you couldn't do.

i remember you telling me.. that sometimes I needed to just sit down and say, "you'll be okay. I love you. we'll figure it out and be okay." and that's what I needed. i was so lost in my own sadness and anger that I couldn't tell you I needed it.. but that was it. i needed to see your heart again.

anyways. i don't really want to harp on old shit. i do it 24/7 in my own head as it is.

you deleted your tumblr. never ceases to make my heart ache. but you reached out on my birthday. its.. a strange and potentially painful move. you know your number isn't blocked. so there's still a distance you want to keep. I've come to my own conclusion that it was a Bait. I responded on my old Tumblr... but after spending days pouring over the hint of a response.. i realized how gross that was and is.

I hard-loved you. I loved you with a ferocity I have never shared for anyone else. you were my one and only. I wanted to drink you in. I've had a painful time quitting you. I watched our videos... a lot. I wish i had made 1,000 more. I think i gave up trusting you somewhere along the road.

but... dangling that message.. that "but..." was... awful. I dont know if it was an open invitation to contact you or.. what. but it was.. it sucked. I would have rather had a phonecall or text or something. i don't know. I guess tumblr was the only place we could actually communicate, so maybe this was the best avenue.

I miss you. A lot. All this time and silence gives a lot of perspective. I miss your voice. i miss your smell. I miss your body. I miss your snores.

But another point of perspective is that you gave up our life. You sold that house. You got a new place that you wouldn't reveal the address to. You got new friends. You were walking away from me and us for a long time.

I get why. You spent a lot of time as the quiet girlfriend, waiting for me to tell you what I needed. but read that last sentence aloud. I was hurt. I was damaged. I wasn't going to ever be able to tell you what I needed. I needed your heart to call out to me, and it was the one thing you wouldn't do.

I hope Mittens is doing well. I cry when I think about her not being in my life. I hope I get to see her again before.. well. before anything happens to anyone.

Anyways. after I left my response to your Tumblr message... i... stopped checking it. You might have even responded. I won't know though. I probably won't know until our anniversary. I'll be there, by the way. Ill be in the spot where we figured it all out the first time. Probably get lunch and spend the day in that parking lot. I know you're not the emotional type like that, haha. Id be shocked. floored probably. might even hear me actually gasp.

...

I wouldve been a really good quarantine boyfriend. I really wonder what you think of me. what you honestly think. I mean.. it has to mean something that you left a message for me. Maybe you can't get our memories out of your head either. Im sorry if you thought I might have been trying to use you for sex or something near the end there. I wonder if that's how I came off. It wasn't how I meant to. Sex was just.. a really straight forward expression of our love and.. always felt safe and good with you. Ive had a lot of trouble trying to make that connection with anyone else. They aren't you and... i need to figure that out.

Things with Kat never came to fruition. she didnt really liked that i was too fucked up over you, haha. that would probably make your evil little heart jump. You beat Katherine in my mind. Maybe that can put how I feel about you in perspective.

I also wonder about letting you know about this blog? Maybe. Maybe as an anniversary present. But I cant imagine you want anything to do with me anymore. I really tried to salt the Earth when you left. I could feel how addicted I was to you. I had to for my own good. I wasn't strong enough to quit you.

shit. i still don't think I am. I dont even know if ill be able to move on. I dont want to. I miss you. I want to try and use my angry to curve that feeling, but love is stronger than hate. it always wins out.

so I guess I'll just keep pretending that you had my kid in some alternate universe and cry to my new friends about how some blonde girl shattered my heart.

I hope... youre okay. I think i mean that. its hard in here.

#breakup #secret blog #pennyveronica #Spotify

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