#Lmao my longest tag is about me not sharing enough

[noctivague]

I posted 550 times in 2022

119 posts created (22%)

431 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lyresstrings

@crimsondawnsdevotionals

@slavicafire

@sephospaganplace

I tagged 418 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#altar - 41 posts

#sculpture - 38 posts

#painting - 37 posts

#illustration - 34 posts

#apollo - 30 posts

#hekate - 27 posts

#apollon - 26 posts

#aphrodite - 26 posts

#artemis - 25 posts

#demeter - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#sometimes i want to do that and start writing posts but i end up discarding them because idk it feels too much to share that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Incense blends for the Gods (part 2)

Link to part 1 here.

Link to my post about incense in ancient greece

Haven't done this in a whiiiile but I'm running low on my incense stocks so I'm starting to think about those blends again.

Once again, this is partly historical and partly UPG, so use this as an inspiration if you want and get creative !

In the months to come I will probably put some of these to the test and review how they feel and smell, because ultimately what matters is that the scent is pleasant to the gods and that you took time and effort to craft something special !

Hekate

Dragon blood - she is often associated with snakes and dragons, one of her epithets is drakaina, so naturally my mind wantered to this resin. So yeah, a poetic association. Plus I love the scent.

Saffron - this one is more historical as this spice and its color is associated to the goddess

Cypress (leaves or wood) - a tree associated with death which I picked due to Her psychopomp role

Yew - historically put around the neck of bulls ready to be sacrificed to Her, also burnt on funeral pyres

Dionysos

Labdanum - a thick and resinous product with a very instense and intoxicating scent

Pine resin - his thyrsos has a pine cone at the top so pine resin seems really fitting. Of course would be better to use a mediterranean pine but I think you can broaden a bit

Frankincense/Olibanum - as per the orphic hymn

Bay Leaves - connected to the meanads

Zeus

Oak (leaves of wood) - sacred to Zeus

Sage - it is said that he was raised under a sage bush

Storax/benzoin - as per the orphic hymn (see my other post)

Frankincense - as per the orphic hymn

Persephone

Violets (dried or scented incense) - she was plucking violets when she was captured by Hades

Lilies - same reason -> could work with roses as well

Patchouli - a rather odd combination you make think but to me it has a really earthy and nostalgic/sad scent to me and one that goes well with flowers

Benzoin/Storax - a ceremonial scent that would fit her role as Queen of the Underworld

129 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

#4

See the full post

158 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

#3

Incense blends for the Gods (part 1)

A while ago I made a post about incense in Ancient Greece, and following that I really wanted to make my own incense blends for the gods as a way to have something I could dedicate to them and them only. I'm going to focus on the five gods I currently worship but if y'all are interested I can do more ! Since I already made a list of which incense is historically attested for which deity, I'm going to go a bit beyond that. I got inspiration from the historical links but I also picked things intuitively and relied on UPG.

There are no measurments as I haven't gotten to make these just yet (it's planned for next month) so this is currently a theoric recipe.

Grind everything in a mortar and mix together and store away from the light.

Note that I find all my incense from this french website which has incredible quality and really great prices, so if you're in Europe it's worth considering. I have no idea where people elsewhere might go to! Etsy perhaps?

Hermes

Indian/golden Benzoin - I tried many different types of benzoin and I found that this one is the sweetest of them all and the one that brings the most joy to my heart, hence why it seemed the most fitting to him

Dried lavender - a calming herb that smells delicious when burnt and that I associate with him (and I'm apparently not the only one)

Cinnamon - great because you can buy it in a supermarket, use either powder or sticks that you will break. Cinnamon is a common UPG and a scent that brings warmth to the whole mix.

Saffron - comes from the crocus flower which is associated to him. Quite pricey so you don't need to put tons of it.

Apollo

Oliban - Solar incense by excellence, this smells bright and confident to me. There are different types for different budgets so pick the one that suits yours the best.

Laurel leaves - historically attested and one I like to use for its purifying properties

Cloves - Smells incredible and brings warmth to the overall fragrance, one that I find to be solar as well.

Amber - it is known as a stone that is symbolically connected to the sun, but did you know it was also used as an incense since it's a resin ? To me amber feels like solidified sunrays so I thought it would fit nicely in the mix.

Artemis

Mugwort - also called Artemisia, this plant has a particular scent but one that works, I think, nicely for her someone just told me mugwort is toxic when burnt, which I didn't know! So please don't use that ! A good alternative would be sage

Cedarwood - Cedar is said to be associated to her and smells lovely. Note that cedar resin is also a thing so you can use that instead if it's more available to you.

Pine tree resin - I wanted something that reminded me of a forest for the Goddess of the Hunt and I thought pine resin would fit quite nicely.

Demeter

Barley seeds - historically attested and symbolically connected to the goddess and her title of Lady of the Grain

Mint - also historically attested (used in the Eleusinian Mysteries)

Elemi gum - a sticky ingredients that has a citrusy and woody smell and one I associate with her.

Aphrodite

Myrrh - symbolically seen as a feminine incense and one I find both beautiful and sensual, which is why I think it's suited to her. As to what type of myrrh you should use, obviously better quality will be more expensive and I found that they smell even better, so go with your budget!

Rose - for this use either dried flowers or rose scented granules such as these. This flower is perhaps THE aphrodisian flower so I couldn't not use it.

Jasmin - same deal than with the rose, use flowers or scented granules. This flower has a sensual and voluptuous smell that is perfect for this goddess.

Sandalwood - a delicious scent that mixes quite well with the other used in this blend and one that I associate with her.

228 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#2

☀️ Apollo devotional acts ☀️

Hello it's me again with a post I was meant to put online three weeks ago! I've done several of these: Artemis - Demeter - I also made one for Hermes during my 30 days challenge but I've just realized it's quite short so I will be making a new one again at some point in the future.

See the full post

323 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

340 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[heartkyeom]

fine line

figure skater!joshua hong x f!reader

synopsis: as a joshua fangirl, getting the chance to interview him as a teenager was an absolute dream. 10 years later with a flourishing career as a writer and a strained relationship with him, he wants to do a 10 year reunion interview about his path to the upcoming Olympics. there’s only one problem: you’re staying at his house and trying not to address your old feelings for him.

word count: 19.9k

tag list: @junhui-recs @bfwonu @huiranghaes

warnings: figure skater!joshua, writer/fangirl!reader, best friend!jeonghan, dad!seungcheol, smut, fluff, angst, some occasional skating jargon, this is a lot about the Olympics

a/n: y’all. this fic has been reworked over and over and over since spring 2022, it’s the longest fic I’ve ever done. it’s given me so much trouble and seen me through so many changes in my life. doing my final undergrad dance show, writing my undergrad capstone, finishing undergrad, and finding my first apartment. it is my baby and has grown as much as I have since march. thank you to the sports au discord for being so lovely <3 I hope you enjoy it as always and I hope you can feel how much heart I put into this! this is for @gyukult’s sports au collab + this is loosely based on the plot of the book “funny you should ask” by elissa sussman which I can’t recommend enough! title also inspired by the harry styles song ok bye lmao <3

Work isn’t particularly difficult, in your opinion. You’re used to hearing the people around you complain about how much their workload consumes them to a point of no return, but as you made your way into your first adult job as a writer, you tried to stop that from happening.

It’s not exactly easy when you have to navigate the entertainment industry while writing, but the idea of trying to craft new narratives about celebrities that the public is convinced that they know inside and out still excites you.

Even if you’re not exactly fond of whoever you’re writing about, the challenge still intrigues you. Thus, the conversations surrounding ideas for new profiles are always equal parts captivating and nerve-wracking.

“How do you feel about Joshua Hong?” Your manager asks. You look up to see her balancing her weight on the side of your desk, a neutral expression paints her face.

She knows this is a loaded question, all things considered.

“You know how I feel about him,” You blink at her before facing your computer again.

“I do, but I need an updated response considering the anniversary,” She persists. You sigh, swiveling around to face her again before responding.

“He’s great. I like him,” Your voice trails off, you try to nod to convince her, but it’s not working.

Your life has been so intertwined with Joshua Hong’s career as a professional figure skater that it’s hard to delineate life before and after him. He wasn't there, then one day he seemed to consume your life completely.

Before your start as a journalist, you ran a very well-known, albeit secretive, blog about Joshua Hong as a teenager. It was relatively harmless and safe for work, spare the occasional thirst posts sprinkled in. It mostly contained updates about the then emerging skater’s career, offering illegal torrent links for broadcasts of his performances that weren’t available worldwide and communicating with other fans about your love for him. Yet, some random post about him qualifying for the Olympics went insanely viral when you were 17, garnering over 1 million shares in under a week.

It was substantial enough to get his management's attention, and you had the opportunity to interview him not only for your blog but for a major publication for their Winter Olympics coverage series.

With two opportunities to write about him, you were able to fulfill the fan service pleas from your fellow fans for the blog and write a serious piece that made the general public interested in him from the perspective of a fan that knew the general timeline of his career.

The quick success felt like a fluke, but it led you to an undergraduate degree and a dream job as an entertainment writer at one of your favorite companies almost immediately after graduation.

He technically made your career, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

You’ve been trying to forget about the anniversary, but everyone in your life seems determined to bring it up whenever they see you.

“Well, we want you to do a 10-year reunion interview piece with him. That’s only if you want to,” Her voice was sympathetic, but you’re mainly focused on the number. It really had been 10 years, hadn’t it?

You were both incredibly established in your respective careers, him as a 5-time gold medalist with appearances at 3 Olympic Games, and you with a prolific image as a relatable yet incisive celebrity interviewer. It completely makes sense for you two to meet again, considering how much the first interview changed the trajectory of your lives.

It would feed into the nostalgia of Joshua fans that grew up alongside you as readers of your blog and new fans that clamored for any new Joshua content.

Yet, you weren’t exactly convinced.

“I mean, his team could’ve had anyone else write a big profile on him. We’re not the only website in the world with an entertainment section,” You fight the urge to bite your nails and instead choose to wring your hands together.

“He asked us to do it,” She admits.

You try not to look too shocked, but that definitely changes things. You were not close with Joshua whatsoever. Sure, he’d occasionally like your social media posts and wish you a happy birthday every year, but that was the extent of your relationship.

Your teenage self thinks it might be him looking for closure, wondering what might have happened if you stayed in touch.

Yet, you can’t let yourself dive back into the fantasy of him again.

You search for a response, but you can’t land on anything substantial. “What would I have to do?” You ask, you barely notice the unconscious habit of biting the inside of your cheek.

“Well, in addition to the profile, you can attend his practices and any private schedules he invites you to. It’s mostly up to the discretion of him and his team,” She offers and you nod. You’re good with that, you can watch him practice and go to a random professional event he’s booked for.

“He did offer something else, if you’re up for it,” She gives you a pointed look which makes you a bit hesitant.

“What is it?”

“He asked if you were open to staying at his house,” She smiled through her answer, but you’re sure your face was completely pale.

You didn’t know if you were more shocked or nervous at the idea of it. It was ambitious, considering that you haven’t spent more than a few hours in the same room with him at a time, much less stay with him.

You think you might die if you go through with it.

“He’s not serious,” You find yourself laughing in disbelief. You can’t even fathom the idea of being further sucked into Joshua’s life after so long.

“He really is. You don’t have to give me an answer right now, but within the next day or so,” She leaves your desk without giving you a chance to respond, but you revel in the opportunity to think about everything.

It’s a bit too much to wrap your head around, so much so that you don’t remember much else of the work day.

For the first time in a long time, Joshua Hong was all you could think about.

—

The more you think about the interview, the more it gives you anxiety.

All of the possible outcomes float around in your head during the commute home that you can barely enjoy the music blaring in your headphones.

Once you arrive home, you figure that you need a second opinion on the matter, so you decide to call your far more opinionated best friend for his input.

The phone only rings for a few seconds before he picks up.

“What happened?”

“Joshua wants to do this 10-year anniversary interview where I follow him around,” You sigh.

“No fucking way,” He burst into laughter, his giggles echoing loudly through the phone.

“Jeonghan, this isn’t funny,” You whine. He was probably the last person you needed to call, seeing as he almost never had a sympathetic response to your pain.

“It’s hilarious, and this is karma for trying to ignore his existence for the past 5 years,” He replies with a teasing lilt.

You hate that he’s right.

You were very proud of Joshua’s successes, in a “retired fan celebrating from a distance” sort of way. Yet, you tried to distance yourself so much from the blog that he inadvertently got caught in the crossfire. You cared about him so deeply for so long that you lost yourself in that, so you tried to cope with the state of your uneven relationship with him in your own little fucked up way.

You let out a frustrated sigh. “I just didn’t think he’d be the one to do it, you know? I thought I’d get a polite email from his assistant, not my manager telling me he wanted to do a profile.”

“That means it’s personal to him, then. That’s actually kinda charming of him,” You feel your phone vibrate, so you check the notification.

Joshua messaged you on Instagram, and from a quick glance at your lockscreen, it’s long.

Your heart drops to your stomach.

“Wait, he just messaged me,” You quickly put Jeonghan on speaker and opened the app without a second thought. You read his message out loud:

joshuahong: Hi! Not sure if you’ve heard my request yet about the anniversary profile, but I would really love it if we could make it happen. I know it’s been a really long time, but I think it’d be fun to do it again. You’ve always supported me from the beginning of my career, so it would mean a lot to me. I miss talking to you, so we would definitely be catching up in more ways than one. We’ll only do it if you’re up for it though, please don’t ghost me this time lol

“Holy shit,” Jeonghan fills the silence immediately. You were pretty much lost for words, but you managed to speak. “Holy shit is right,” You mumble to yourself.

You suddenly feel guilty for trying to bury him out of your life, especially when he clearly said he misses you.

Were you trying to set your boundaries by pushing him away or were you just being an asshole?

“I feel really stupid,” You hate that you want to cry. You can’t reckon with the fact that Joshua has wanted to reconcile for so long that he had to do this to get your attention.

At least, that’s what the selfish part of you thinks. You know the interview is so much bigger than yourself, but then again, it is a symbol of you and the years of effort you put into your blog.

“You’re not stupid, but you need to worry about what you’re gonna say. Are you gonna say yes?” He asks.

Admittedly, you do feel the pull to say yes.

“I think I might. Is that a bad idea?” Internally, you know the answer, but your insecurities need some validation.

He clears his throat before responding. “I think you’ll regret it if you say no. I think it’ll hurt you more to not have closure with him.”

You don’t think you necessarily want anything out of this besides becoming friendly with him.

You’d like to think that’s what would’ve happened if you didn’t completely ice him out.

“That’s true. It’s gonna be so hard to see him again,” A whine pulls your lips into a pout and you already know Jeonghan will protest.

“Stop talking yourself out of it. Who knows, you might end up enjoying everything,” he suggests openly.

“That’s possible. His house is supposed to be insanely big,” You shake your head at the idea of how a 27-year-old millionaire pro figure skater would be living, definitely far better than your current apartment.

“You can only know for sure if you say yes.”

“I know,” You figure you need a vacation anyways, even if it means facing some unresolved emotional baggage.

“So, you know your answer then. I need to get back to work, but don’t blow him off. Respond to him tonight or I’m not giving you the deluxe massage package gift certificate like I promised,” Jeonghan was not above threatening you into action, and this one had the right level of stakes.

“Fine, okay,” You huff out, already opening the Instagram app again to motivate you into typing a proper response.

You exchange quick goodbyes and you let yourself look, albeit for far too long, at the message again to gain some inspiration.

Before you know it, you’re sending him a formal reply.

you: Hi! You’re right about ghosting, no excuses for that so I’m sorry lol. I’ve thought about it and I’d be happy to do it, it’s been too long since we’ve talked. Let me know the timeline you’re thinking of and I’ll get my schedule figured out

You figure that’s just enough to ease your nerves. It’s not exactly as earnest as his original message, but it’ll work for now.

You even send a screenshot of the message to Jeonghan as proof for the sake of accountability and the state of your deluxe massage package gift certificate. You place your phone on your nightstand to avoid fixating on another response, letting yourself go fix dinner and get ready for bed without thinking.

It’s only when you’re about to settle into bed that you remember your phone. You reach for it and Joshua, who is somehow extremely prompt with his messages, sends you another reply 10 minutes after your message.

joshuahong: Great! We’ll start sorting out more details then. I’m really glad you said yes

He’s already trying to pull at your heartstrings and it’s working. Despite everything, Joshua has always been kind. He doesn’t just seem nice, like what most celebrities are assumed to be around other people, he’s always made sure you know he cares about you even if you hadn’t known what to do about it.

You type out another quick response before going to bed.

you: Of course, it’s gonna be a lot of fun

You hope that’s true, you hope that you’re not already in over your head with the situation. He still seems to have faith in you, so why not trust that instinct?

—

During pre-trip preparations, you found yourself talking to Joshua far more often than before.

The conversations didn’t go too deep of course, you couldn’t get everything out of him before you even had a chance to conduct the interview, but the harmless banter seemed to slowly bridge that treacherous gap left between you two.

You even thought it would make your first meeting less awkward, but that wasn’t even remotely possible. It had only taken a few days for the entirety of the trip to be confirmed by your workplace and his team, and the final itinerary made your head spin.

You would follow Joshua around for a week, primarily to his private daily practices in an effort to show his infamous dedication to Olympics training.

All while you stayed in his guest room.

You couldn’t get out of that obligation, no matter how much you tried to convince him that you would be perfectly fine staying in a luxury hotel room paid for by your employer. He was confident that you could get a better view into his life while staying at his house which you reluctantly agreed with.

His idea definitely didn’t cross any professional boundaries at all, none whatsoever! This is what he’d do as a friend if you were coming to visit anyways, right?

You were still slightly afraid to hear his voice, you weren’t exactly sure why, but you were hoping it would keep the image of him unchanged in your mind until you saw him in person again.

You knew you were heavily biased going into this situation, so why not protect your heart for a little bit longer?

joshuahong: Are you nervous about tomorrow?

you: Not really

joshuahong: Y/N, please don’t lie.

you: I’m not!

joshuahong: I’m kinda nervous to see you, though

you: Really? Why?

joshuahong: I think it’s been 6 years since I’ve seen you in person. That’s scary to think about

you: The passing of time is scary

joshuahong: Definitely. Promise to not be awkward?

you: I’ll try my best!

joshuahong: That’s not a promise!

you: Fine, I promise but you have to promise too!

joshuahong: I promise :) now get some sleep, I don’t want to hear you complain when you have plenty of time to get 8 hours of sleep

you: You’re so mean!! but you too, get lots of rest so you can give me a good show tomorrow

He doesn’t reply to that last message, only using a heart emoji reaction instead.

The weight of the trip suddenly sits on your heart, and the main objective of writing an exceptional interview is somehow the least of your worries now.

—

The flight to Korea is unceremoniously long, you have far too much time and anxiety to let yourself fall asleep. You go through all the Netflix episodes you downloaded for the flight, finish the book that’s been sitting on your shelf for ages, and write down some preliminary notes about what you’d like to cover in the interview.

You decide to keep your ideas vague so that you’re not overexerting your brain during the flight.

First, a general discussion of the Olympics. That’s the main appeal of the article, seeing what his main preparations are like and hopefully getting some better insight about his feelings surrounding everything.

The second is his recovery from his last Olympics injury. He landed the most ambitious jump of his free skate program completely wrong, breaking his ankle in the process. It was during the last event of his Olympics run for that year, and he still placed third in the men’s individual skate program overall, but it’s been a sore subject for him in most interviews he’s done since the incident.

The footage is as agonizing as you can imagine, but the fact that he finished the routine at all is stunning. You figure that you can get some in-depth reaction about that moment and the subsequent recovery, more than the extremely media-trained answer he’s given about it before.

Lastly, the prospect of retirement. He’s said almost nothing about his plans after the upcoming Olympic games, but Olympics experts are convinced that the news is looming over his upcoming appearance.

You knew better than to ask him outright about it because he definitely wouldn’t give you a straight answer. From watching his recent interviews, you realized that Joshua has a tendency to go into a subtle apathetic mood when the interviewer hits something he’s not comfortable with. You hope that you can breach the subject without things going completely south. This interview was supposed to hit some darker aspects of the state of Joshua’s career, but you never wanted to make him uncomfortable.

Other than those topics, anything else he wanted to divulge to you would be a bonus. You wanted him to have a reasonable amount of control over what would go into the interview, so you’re not opposed to adjusting your interview material if needed.

The thought of his reactions to your questions swarms your brain in a frenzy, but you know you’re getting ahead of yourself.

The flight lands without any problems and you’re still trying to figure your thoughts out by the time you’re picking up your suitcase from baggage claim.

You’re soon greeted by Joshua’s driver, a tall man who holds a sign with your name printed on it, nodding in affirmation when you confirm your identity with him. He’s distantly kind to you, but it’s enough to put you at ease for the moment. You’re escorted to a tinted black SUV with a gentle hand opening the back car door for you. Your suitcase is carefully stowed into the back of the truck while you click your seatbelt into place across your lap.

You don’t realize how tired you are until the car starts moving. You didn’t bother to orient yourself with the time once you got off the flight, but you figure it’s somewhere between late morning and early afternoon by the way the clouds create a gray atmosphere in the sky.

Nonetheless, looking out the window is enough to pull you into sleep, and you indulge yourself in a short nap, barely considering where you may be headed.

—

It turns out that Joshua wanted to meet you at his home rink first which explains why you were waking up to the sight of a massive stadium.

You were slightly annoyed that you weren’t at a stable location yet, your body started to feel vaguely sick at the constant movement of the car.

You’re grateful that the car stops for a moment, you’re hoping Joshua takes a bit longer than expected to come out of the rink so that your body can stop feeling off center.

Unfortunately, he’s quite prompt, you notice him walking out only a few minutes later. He’s accompanied by two other staff members, seemingly debriefing him on your arrival as you see one of them point to the car.

You suddenly feel acutely aware of how disheveled you look in your inconspicuous airport outfit, barely awake enough to make proper conversation with him.

He arrives at the other back car door quickly, opening it with a big smile.

“Y/N! Hi, I’m so happy to finally see you again,” He’s excited, settling into the backseat across from you, slightly more perky than you expected.

“Hi,” You wave back politely, pushing your voice up an octave to match his energy that is nearly impossible to replicate in your current mood.

“I’m sure you must be exhausted, it was a long flight wasn’t it?” His brows furrow slightly, and his concern is evident on his face.

“Yeah, I’m still pretty tired,” You offer him a halfhearted smile.

“Well, we can recover once we’re at my place. We’ll have time to catch up on everything,” He reassures you with a nod.

He notices you’re still out of it, so you don’t talk for the rest of the ride to his house.

Through heavy eyelids, you steal a few looks at him and he really is as pretty as you remember. His boyish features filled out his face much better now, although he was always handsome.

You’re not sure how long his practice day was, but it surely didn’t show in his features. He caught you looking at him only once, you tried to be discreet while he was looking at his phone, but he still saw you.

It seemed like he had a sixth sense to know when someone was looking at him which, if anything, made it a bit more embarrassing to get caught.

He let you off easy though, smiling at you before turning his attention back to his phone.

It was a tiny gesture, but it reminds you just how much he seems to notice you.

—

You wouldn’t say you’re best friends or anything, but talking to Joshua for an extended period of time has made you miss being around him in person. His energy has always been the same after so long.

“So you just casually stumbled into an interview with Dwayne the Rock Johnson?” He’s somehow fully astonished at your celebrity interview stories, you notice the sparkle in his eyes and his smile is radiant, but you think that’s just the alcohol creeping up on him.

You both agreed to a drink after coming back to the house, you chose wine while he opted for beer. This has made the mood considerably less awkward and you’re grateful that you both pushed past the mandatory small talk.

“Yeah, the interviewer before me canceled so I got more time with him than I intended. Then the whole viral interview video happened,” You wave your hand before taking another sip of your glass.

“You say that as if it’s normal,” He pushes his hair back, slightly exposing his forehead. That was surprising coming from him, considering that he is far more famous than you would ever be. Yet, you assume that it’s because he’s famous in a more traditional sense, so content creation was never a part of his job to begin with.

“Well, it is if you’re good at it, which I am,” You brag, receiving a hearty laugh from him.

“Look at you, big shot,” He playfully swats your arm. “You really made it, huh?” He’s fond, his glance is soft and yearning for more. It’s far too sentimental for where you wanted this to go tonight, but you play along for a moment.

“I did,” Your cheeks are slightly too warm as you avoid his eye contact with a small smile, but you still have control over yourself. You decide to take advantage of it.

“I want to get some stuff recorded for the interview if that’s okay?” You don’t know why you ask for permission to start interviewing, seeing as it’s the entire reason you’re here in the first place.

“That’s fine,” He straightens up a bit, he doesn’t seem too affected by the alcohol either which will make this a bit easier.

“We’ll keep it pretty light today, considering this is just the first day.”

“I’m good with that,” He chuckles lightly. You know he’s watching you struggle to figure out the best way to interview him. It’s too much effort to find your laptop which is somewhere tucked away in a carry-on bag, so you settle for your phone.

“Ok, so,” you fumble with your phone’s record button on the Voice Memos app for a moment, “tell me your general feelings about the Olympics coming up.”

“I’m excited, I missed being in full competition prep mode. It’s an indescribable feeling, but everything is coming together nicely which is all I can ask for on the 4th time around,” He had a vague joy in his eyes, but you didn’t want to scrutinize the answer just yet, it was only the first question.

“What does full competition prep mode look like for you?”

“My practice days are much longer than usual, so I’m in the rink most days from sunrise to sunset, if I can help it,” He smiles sheepishly. That charm seems like it’s going to seep through every response he gives you, so he can possibly get away with some things.

“What do you like to do to destress after such long practice days?”

His eyes light up at the idea and he readjusts his position on the couch. “I like taking a cold shower and catching up on reality TV, I honestly like anything trashy.”

You didn’t peg Joshua to be a reality TV person, but it’s the exact kind of pop culture talk that his fans will eat up.

“Okay, then which one do you prefer, The Bachelor or Love Island?” You ask curiously.

“Love Island, easily,” He replies immediately. He smirks and you nod in affirmation. You knew he had good taste, you figure you’d have to ask him about some other TV preferences later.

“Good, that was the right answer,” You shoot back. You decide to drink the rest of your wine instead of nursing it any longer.

“Asking the tough questions, clearly,” He’s way too smug about it and it makes you roll your eyes.

“Shut up, I told you we’re keeping it light! Unless you want to be asked about the future of your career while we drink,” Now it’s your turn to touch his arm, your hand intentionally doesn’t linger for too long though.

“I don’t, you’re right,” You know he’s not lying by the way he lets out a deep breath. There’s an unspoken tension at the thought of you bringing everything up.

“Okay, one more dumb non-skating question.”

“They’re not dumb,” He immediately catches your words and you blink at him, silently watching his face. He stares back, but his expression is slightly tender. Again, his face is almost too sweet for you to process. It threw you off this time though, so you have to look at the floor. You don’t even remember the question you meant to ask him, so you opt for a way out.

“Stop it.”

“What?” He genuinely looks confused, as if he’s not unconsciously doing the standard heartthrob boyfriend-esque banter.

“That was too nice,” You pick up your phone to stop the recording, still not facing him. Your body language is slightly more closed off.

“You act like you’ve never been complimented before,” He retorts.

You couldn’t say that it was different because he said it, you couldn’t give a shit if some random A-lister made you feel better about your work, but it was him.

“I’m not used to your compliments,” You indirectly emphasize him.

“Well, we’ll have to change that then,” He smirks.

That stirs something up in your chest, but you can’t quite name it. You decide it’s best to ignore it.

“Great. So are you gonna make me dinner or are we ordering somewhere?”

“I’m definitely not cooking,” He lets out a clipped laugh, shaking his head in disapproval. To be fair, he exerted more physical effort in a day than you’d do in an entire calendar year, so you weren’t exactly offended.

The night spun on with cheap pizza and varying levels of conversations. He even convinced you to watch Love Island, albeit one episode, until he decided he was too tired to continue.

He gives you a short tour of the guest room before retreating to his own room, and you finally get a moment to sit with your thoughts.

Joshua is friendlier than you expected and that was going to cause problems whether you liked it or not.

—

Although it was your first full day in town, the jetlag caught up with you almost immediately. Joshua mentioned last night that he would be at meetings throughout the afternoon, so you were grateful that you didn’t have to tag along.

Once you were thoroughly awake, you decided to investigate the house. As you suspected, it was far too big for him, especially considering he wasn’t home enough to enjoy it anyways.

The style of the house is typical celebrity fare, far too angular and minimalist for your taste. The shades of white, gray, and black that decorated his furniture and appliances were anything but inviting. It was all far too muted in your opinion and it made you miss the character of your apartment.

Besides a few framed photos of what you assume to be his family and friends along with some light decor, it looks like it could be plucked right off of a Zillow listing.

Even if you wanted to write some flowery prose about his house for the article, it leaves much to be desired.

“Are you settled in?” Your manager asks over the phone. She promised not to call you after this initial check in, but you figured she’d find other ways to be nosy about how things are going. She was a fan of Joshua, so her prying for extra details wouldn’t be completely unexpected.

“Yeah, everything’s been good,” You shared, completely nestled onto the couch with a blanket.

“How’s Joshua?” She inquires with a slight lilt.

“He’s doing well. We’ve already got some parts for the interview, but I haven’t seen him skate yet,” You recall the banter of last night with a small smile. You were both being friendly, it was completely harmless.

“Well, you still have a lot of time for that, but I’m glad you’ve made some progress. I’ll let you go, but let me know if you need anything.”

“I will,” You respond. You exchange goodbyes and go back to mindlessly scrolling on Twitter.

“Were you talking shit about me?” Joshua asks. You whip your head around to notice him watching you, completely unsuspecting in his business casual attire. You shriek in fear, clutching the blanket before reaching over to throw a pillow at his face. He narrowly avoids it with a massive grin on his face.

“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me,” You sigh, pressing a hand to your chest to check your racing pulse.

“I’m light on my feet.”

“Yeah, clearly,” You grumbled.

“You look very comfortable,” He teases, pointing to your current seating position with a chuckle. Your body is completely wrapped up minus your head. It probably looks quite funny by the way he bites his tongue with a childish smile.

“I am. How were the meetings?” You deflect the attention onto him instead.

“Productive,” He walks around to join you on the couch, landing next to you with a sigh.

“Anything worth breaking an NDA over?”

He rolls his eyes. “Absolutely not,” He scoffed.

“Worth a try,” You finally free your arms from the blanket, but you’re still wearing a hoodie.

“Why did you need the blanket if you’re wearing a hoodie?” He asks politely, pointing to your chest.

“I get cold easily!” You protest.

This oversized maroon hoodie was your signature writing piece, you absolutely needed to wear it for big projects or else you wrote pure shit.

You’ve had it since you started writing professionally, a random thrift store find that has given you incredible luck over the years. It’s helped you through many long nights of writing and editing throughout your career.

Thus, you put it on in an attempt to stir up some inspiration, but to no avail.

Joshua is charmed by this backstory though, nodding along with his head in the palm of his hand.

“You think it’s dumb,” You’re projecting onto him, without a doubt.

“No, it’s not! It’s actually very cute. You can wear it to the rink later.”

“We’re still doing that?” You grimace. He joked that he was going to take you out onto the ice, but doing it this early into the trip felt like overkill.

“Unfortunately, yes,” He pouts. “I’m forcing you out of the house so that you don’t steal my blankets.”

“Very rude.”

—

The rink is far bigger than you could’ve imagined. You haven’t been in many throughout your life, but since it functions partly as a stadium, it makes you feel even smaller.

He leads you to the check in booth to introduce you to the staff onsite for the day. If he’s coming to practice solo, he remarks that the employees only door is typically unlocked for him, and his suspicions are correct.

“Hey, man, it’s good to see you again,” Joshua embraces a taller man into a hug once he walks through the door. “Cheol, this is Y/N,” He glances between the two of you with a hopeful smile.

“Y/N, this is Seungcheol.”

“Hi,” You wave politely and everything starts to register for you. You’ve known of Seungcheol for a long time through Joshua’s social media, you knew they were longtime friends and Joshua was always open about being close with Seungcheol’s family.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Josh has told me a lot about you, you’re always a hot topic around here,” Seungcheol smirks to Joshua’s dismay.

“Not in a bad way, everybody loves your writing,” Joshua tries to diffuse the tension with a short smile.

“Is Sumin here?” He switches the topic completely, looking around to the back door for any sign of life.

“Yeah, she’s just with her mom. I’ll go get her,” Seungcheol replies before heading further back into the venue.

It’s another minute or two before he comes back with a toddler in his arms, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Joshua. She squirms in Seungcheol’s hold until he puts her down, and she takes off running until Joshua catches her in his arms.

“Joshie,” she screams into his ear. He spins her around for a moment until she’s giggling uncontrollably. It was absolutely adorable, it even got a smile out of you.

“Hi Minnie, how are you?” He’s beaming from ear to ear at her.

“Good,” she nods decisively. He points to you before introducing you to her.

“That’s Y/N. She’s a good friend of mine, can you say hi?” He coaxes her with a gentle voice.

“Hi,” She waves and Joshua is celebrating her again with a small kiss on the cheek. He seems like such a natural with her, it’s as if she’s his own daughter.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” You wave back and she offers you a shy smile.

“I have to go, but I’ll just be skating out there with Y/N, okay?” He reassures her with a sweet pat to her hair before handing her off to Seungcheol.

She puts her head on Seungcheol’s shoulder with another nod. “Out there,” she points to the ice.

“Yep. Be good for dad, I’ll see you later,” He winks at her before leading you both out to the ice.

Your heart is warm from the entire interaction. He sits down on the bleachers and you land next to him, silently placing his duffel bag onto the ground.

He unzips it to reveal your skates. He ordered them before you arrived, promising that he would get you to skate at some point during the trip. You just didn’t predict it would be this early on.

“How old is she?” You asked, toeing off your sneakers before putting on the skates one at a time.

“Two,” He smiles fondly at the thought of her. “Cheol and his wife are such good parents, they were worried about being too young but they’re perfect to her.”

“So you’re her godfather, I assume?”

“Is it that obvious?” He scrunches his face. He turns his attention to his skates for a moment, quickly lacing them up and tightening them. You didn’t even notice him taking off his other shoes.

“Yeah, you definitely gave off dad vibes, but it was sweet.”

“Him and his family have done so much for me, I couldn’t say no. I also helped him ask out his wife on their first date, so it was inevitable,” He pushes his hair out of his face with a grin.

“They helped you adjust here, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll always be grateful for them. It started with discounted rental fees because I couldn’t afford to use the space, so I owe a lot to them. I pay them back in any way I can,” He nodded solemnly.

He has a deep sense of gratitude that is admirable, it makes you wonder what it’s like to be so deeply initiated into someone’s life that there’s no question if you’ll be there forever, it’s just a matter of what role you’ll play.

It made sense that Joshua knew the place so intimately, he was clearly a member of Seungcheol’s family. He grew up in this rink, watched his friends grow and start their families. It was a safe haven.

“Are you ready to skate?”

“Barely.”

“That’s the spirit,” He rubs your shoulder before standing up. You also stand up, albeit far more slowly, facing toward the ice.

You’ve gone ice skating multiple times in your life, but not enough to remember anything past the basics. You step onto the ice, but you already feel like the surface is going to give out any second.

Joshua notices you start to flail and rushes to place a protective arm around your waist. “Are you okay?”

“No,” You squeeze your eyes shut and are already considering admitting defeat. The idea of voluntarily skating with an Olympic gold medalist had to be the worst idea you’ve had in a long time.

“Do you want me to get you the walker?” He asks sweetly. There’s absolutely no malice there, but it still feels slightly patronizing.

“Joshua, that’s not funny,” You whine, anxiously looking down at your skates.

“I’m not joking, I’m just giving you options!”

“No, I don’t need it. I just got nervous,” You reassure yourself. That was the truth, it was mostly the shock of being on the ice again after such a long time.

“Ok, so if I let go, you’ll be fine?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’m letting go. Just bend your knees if you think you’re gonna fall,” He slowly moves away from you, looking expectantly to see how you’ll fare on your own. His advice works and you find your balance without too much effort. You do remember how to move forward on skates, so you decide to impress him a bit.

You move easily, pushing your back leg out and to the side before alternating legs, making your way across the ice without much issue. He is visibly impressed, gasping at you with his arms crossed.

“You’re so good! I thought you were a beginner,” He praises you while skating over to your side.

“I am! I don’t know anything other than this.”

“That’s fine, then we can just expand on that skill today. Nothing crazy, I promise,” He calms your nerves with a gentle hand on your shoulder.

The skill in question is extending the standard forward movements into drawn out strokes, so it appears as though you’re gliding instead of walking on the ice. You would leave that back leg out for longer periods to create a more elegant appearance when you move forward. When he demonstrates the move, you’re mesmerized. No matter how many times you’ve seen him do the same moves, there’s still an enchanting quality to his skating.

He can elevate any move without much effort, but that is clearly from years worth of work and persistence into making his moves clean.

Joshua is an incredibly patient teacher, far more than you expected. There’s absolutely no frustration when you make a mistake, just a quiet encouragement to keep going.

When you unexpectedly lose your balance, he’s making sure you fall backwards so as to not injure your hands. When you’re visibly frustrated, he lets you take a break for a few minutes to regroup. There’s a level of care you didn’t expect, but then again, it’s Joshua. He couldn’t ignore your requests for help even if he wanted to.

You’re not ready to do full out spins or jumps yet, but you are instilled with a new confidence that you can at least try something new without getting immediately discouraged.

“Are you good with finishing up there?”

“Yeah, I feel good. I do need something from you, though.”

“And what is that?”

“Your best jump.”

“Best jump?” He looks back at the ice before facing you again, seemingly considering all his options. Despite all of your years of supporting him, you still didn’t know the difference between the jumps, but you figure it’s best not to ask for more explanation than this.

“Pretty please?” You flash a smile that he can’t deny. He lets out a quiet laugh and his eyes search the ground for a moment before he nods.

“Okay, I’ll do a quadruple jump combo, but only because you asked so nicely,” He sighs, squaring his shoulders for a moment.

“I appreciate it a lot,” You amp up the compliments in hopes that he doesn’t change his mind.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” He skates away from you to find a solid starting position. You move to a corner wall to observe and stay out of the way.

He takes a deep breath before starting his entrance, snapping through both jumps with ease. He landed evenly, coming out into a pose for you, his arms pointed up with flair before putting them down again.

“Very impressive,” You compliment him.

“It was, wasn’t it?” His breathing is a bit uneven once he comes up to you again. You smile at his cockiness, but it’s well earned.

He restrains himself from practicing any further or else he’ll be here for hours on end, but that’s not too different from most days. He tells you this is one of his shorter visits, somehow being here for under 3 hours is an accomplishment worth celebrating.

You both say goodbye to Seungcheol and Sumin before heading out to his car. You climb into the passenger seat while he adjusts his seatbelt. He decides to let you interview him while he’s driving although you were fine with waiting until you were back at his home.

“So this current practice routine is the most intense level you’ve been at in the past 4 years?”

“Yeah, I slowly had to work it up to this point after the injury. It was almost painful to slow down that much, but I needed to,” He focuses on the road while responding. You’ve opted for writing notes on your phone and recording at the same time.

“How did it initially feel for you to go through it?”

“I hated it. I didn’t break my ankle normally either, so it wasn’t just the typical advice of staying off your ankle for 8 weeks. It took so much longer than everyone anticipated and I had to genuinely stop everything I was doing,” He tightens his grip on the steering wheel to your slight shock.

“I’m sure it was frustrating to not be able to enjoy that podium moment either.”

“Right, it was as if I didn’t even make the podium. I got 3rd place, but it was so excruciating to even be up there, I didn’t feel like I earned it,” He looks visibly upset just recounting it to you. It hurts to hear just how insecure he became afterwards. In hindsight, it makes sense that he didn’t want to spend time discussing it. Back then, the radio silence just made you hope that he was taking care of himself, not feeling pressured to keep anyone updated. Why would he want to constantly relive and dissect that kind of trauma?

“Do you ultimately want to redeem that moment?”

“I hope so. There’s always pressure to constantly outdo yourself, but I just want to finish the routines safely. That’s all I want,” He nods solemnly and you automatically believe him. Although he’s safely finished the other competitions within a season, there’s still an underlying fear of things going wrong at the worst possible moment.

“From what I saw today, you’re being careful,” You assure him. It’s not wrong to say that either, especially when he was helping you with the execution of the moves earlier. When he was done showing you a certain idea, he didn’t linger in the pose too long at all. It felt like he was overly cautious if anything, but you didn’t want to shift the mood too drastically.

“That’s from all the paranoia, trust me. I don’t want to feel afraid to compete, I want to break out of that habit,” He finally glances at you for a moment.

You’re grateful that he seems to echo your internal sentiment. There was never an air of hesitation around his skating, he was always quite self-assured in himself, but you both know that never conquering your fears could indefinitely stunt your growth. He obviously needed as long as possible to rebuild his self image and confront his fears.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’ll find that courage again,” You place a hand on his shoulder. The tension settles almost immediately at your touch.

“You think so?”

“I know you will. It’s either that or withdrawing from the Olympics which just sounds like a lot of paperwork, honestly,” You joke.

“You’re right, it’s a shit ton of paperwork,” He giggles and readjusts his hands on the wheel again.

You knew that last part wouldn’t be used for your final work, but it’s nice to hear him joke about it all. You liked being there for him as a friend, even if you’d never know exactly what it’s like to be in his position. He deserves that kind of empathy that’s not hollow or backhanded, you figure that’s the least you could do for him while being here.

You could finally even out the foundation of friendship in this way, silently repairing all the mistakes you’ve made in the past in regards to your relationship.

He’s able to talk a bit more about his recovery before the end of the drive and you feel satisfied by the end of the night. Over dinner, it feels like everything is evolving, not just the article itself. He’s opened himself up a bit further and you’d like to treasure that.

—

“You don’t have to stay the entire time, you know that right?” He turns his glance toward you away from the ice with a smirk playing on his lips.

The infamous 12-hour practice day had arrived, and you were dreading it the most out of the week’s schedule. Yet, you were committed to being as involved in his daily life as possible, despite your natural aversion to waking up at dawn. You didn’t want to be one of those writers that holed up in their hotel room to write their assigned article. It was typically out of your control how much time you were allowed to spend with a subject, but if given the option to spend more time with them, you wanted to take it.

Since it was Joshua, you still felt obliged to play catch up on spending time with him in any way you could, even if it meant watching him from the bleachers for an entire work day. Plus, you were already at the rink this early, there was no use in leaving to do touristy things alone when you didn’t necessarily want to do that anyways.

“I know, but I want to,” You retorted. He gives you that “you’re gonna eat your words” look, but he still accepts your answer.

“Are you still up to be interviewed once you’re done practicing?”

“Yeah, I should be good,” He takes a deep breath once he replies, seemingly preparing himself for the painstakingly long day ahead of him.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it then,” You wave at him and he returns it immediately. You head up the bleachers to find a good seat, ending up somewhere towards the lower half of the seating. You wanted to be in a good position where you could view the full scope of his skating, but also capture the details of his face. Your position ends up being perfect, it makes watching him even more fascinating.

He does most of his stretches further away from you, so you’re caught craning your neck to see him. His muscles are well defined, a fact that you’ve been trying to ignore as the bulk of his arms seem to fight against the sleeves of his shirt as he stretches his limbs above his head.

His warm-up is calm yet still dynamic to watch. His jumps are so effortless that your head spins just thinking about the physics of jumping up into a spin and somehow not falling on your ass as you land.

Yet, he lands them perfectly every time. You know that’s not possible, that there’s probably some small tweak he’d make to the way he entered a jump or a correction he’d make to the angle of his landing, but you were fine living in ignorant bliss of the technical aspects of his skating.

You wanted yourself to enjoy being a spectator, to not fixate on every single detail, and simply enjoy an elite athlete being good at their sport.

He takes a small breather but soon goes into his assumed short program. Most diehard Olympics fans would kill to see even a glimpse of his routines for the impending games, but like any other figure skater, the details are carefully kept under lock and key until the competition begins.

You try to savor the image of him without the full theatrics of the actual performance, and the sight of him is enchanting.

His short program music is a bombastic and dynamic classical piece that forces you to focus on every detail of the performance. It’s a triumphant number, one that exudes the confidence and charisma of an experienced skater that knows the nuances of the song like the back of their hand. You decide that it suits him perfectly as he expresses the power of the song through cutthroat expressions and sharp movements.

After running through the full routine a few times, you notice him stop to take an extended break. He skates back to your side of the rink with a smile on his face.

“Falling asleep yet?” He jokes.

“Not yet,” you return the smile, your cheeks practically hurt just looking at him. It’s nearly impossible to avoid watching him, he’s always had this magnetic charm on the ice that makes him hard to ignore.

“Good, I haven’t bored you yet. How’s the writing coming?”

You glance at your laptop on the seat next to you, accompanied by scattered papers on top of the keyboard. The writing was mostly on pause considering the unusual environment, you didn’t ever write with the same classical song blasting in your ears on repeat.

Also, he was skating, so every time you thought you got into a good rhythm with writing, your eyes drifted back to him gliding across the ice. The sound of his skates hitting the ice was hard to ignore.

“It’s coming,” You lie easily. A quick tilt of his head signals that he knows you’re bluffing.

“Lots of strategizing, huh?” He doesn’t let on though, pointing at your notes instead and you’re nodding slowly.

“You’re not an easy person to write about,” You give him a pointed look and he’s grinning.

“So I’ve heard,” You’re glad he has some level of self-awareness. You’re not trying to give writers who are purposefully uninformed about his career when tasked to write a meaningful piece about him any credit, but he was a somewhat difficult subject.

Not in the traditional ways, of course, he’s not storming out of interviews over small details, but he’s so polished that it’s impossible to get much depth out of him beyond his typical media-trained answers.

You always heard the same things about him from other entertainment writers. He was perfectly kind and respectful to work with, but you would have to try especially hard to break him out of his mold.

Even if you felt that you knew him, you didn’t really know him at all.

The thought sits in the back of your mind like an unwanted guest.

“That means you actually have to keep giving me something to work with,” You sigh, gesturing your hands out toward him.

“We’ll see,” He playfully eyes you up and down, but it has a serious undertone. You’ve made some good progress, but you didn’t want to torture him for details. It wasn’t worth being invasive of his boundaries just to make a better article.

He skates off without another word and he’s back in the throes of practicing the routine. After a bit more technical work on the short program, he moves on to the free program.

The music is drastically calmer, it creates a stark contrast to his first routine. It’s still classical, you’d have to inquire exactly what track it was, but the mood of the piece was much lighter. It was smart of him to represent the full duality of his skating abilities.

His movements are almost fairylike, his delicate spins are effortless to watch. This doesn’t undercut the power of his jumps though, still as dramatic as ever. This routine contains far more quadruple jumps than the short program, likely in an effort to show off his technical prowess.

He wasn’t called the “technical prince” for nothing. It’s a nickname that’s been floating around the fandom since your early blog days, first used when fans noticed that young Joshua’s technical scores at competitions were almost always perfect. It’s followed him for years, evolving to show how clean his technique is.

He’s the textbook example of a good figure skater.

Once he finishes the routine, you can tell his stamina is reasonably depleted. From your occasional glances, you can tell it’s quite taxing to do multiple quadruple jump combinations in a row, yet he pulls it off every time.

The rest of the day consisted of him alternating between the routines, cleaning up details that he wasn’t happy with, and practicing the execution of his moves until he finally seemed satisfied with them. After a while, you figure you can’t write much else for this portion of the article without interviewing him again, so you settle further into the unforgivingly cold seats to watch him intently.

“Y/N!” He calls your name suddenly, waving his hand from across the rink.

“What?”

“It’s time to go home,” He beckons his hand for you to come toward him. You don’t hesitate to pack your laptop and assorted notes back into your purse, rushing over to meet up with him on his side of the rink. You don’t exactly know how to process being included in the concept of his home, even though you know it’s a harmless statement.

By the time you reach the other side, he’s already taken his skates off and replaced them with sneakers, his leg anxiously bouncing up and down as he watches you come over. He’s sat toward the end of the bleachers and you can sense that his body is ready to get moving.

“I just have to get a few things from the locker room and I’ll be ready to go. Do you want to go back there with me?” He looks toward the lengthy hallway behind him before looking back at you in anticipation. You didn’t go the first day he invited you to the rink out of an abundance of caution, mostly for your own heart’s sake.

You could keep yourself under control watching him collect his things, right?

“Yeah, I’ll go,” You nod decisively. He gets up and leads you through the hallway until you arrive at a private locker room, the door is adorned with a small nameplate with his name on it. He downplays how fancy it actually is, but it feels like a miniature hotel suite. In addition to the dressing room itself, it also contains a full private bathroom and sizable closet.

“Damn,” you mutter under your breath, looking around the room and taking in the full scope of it.

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” He adds. You’re still looking around and trying not to touch anything in fear of breaking something.

You turn around to voice your opinions, but you notice something else.

Joshua is shirtless. You weren’t exactly objectifying him, but it was definitely hard to not look at him. He’s taking a moment to wipe off the sweat across his chest, it feels a bit pornographic to keep looking at that point. The next time you look, he thankfully has a shirt on so your cheeks can stop fully burning at the sight of him.

He doesn’t notice your stare, but you do observe the shirts that fall to the floor when Joshua accidentally knocks his duffel bag onto the ground.

“I’ve got it,” You chirp, already reaching down to pick everything up.

“It’s okay,” Joshua hurriedly shoulders the bag back onto the bench, double checking that it’s not hanging off precariously like last time.

Your heads both come up at the same time, your faces only a few inches away from each other.

“Are you gonna move?” You inquire quietly. He stares back, obviously in no rush to fold. His glance is tempting, everything about him is tempting.

“Do you want me to move?” He counters.

Shit.

You didn’t want him to at all, the idea of him walking away makes you want to scream. The tension has been mounting the past few days whether you wanted to admit it or not. At first, you chalked it up to him just being a gentleman, but there was always a hint of something else there. His politeness toward his staff was completely different to the kindness he offered you.

The lingering glances on you when he’s cooking, his particularly fond smiles while you talk about something, and the soft touches all add up in your brain.

Now that you were in a different setting, it was crystal clear to you. If there was ever a sign, this was it.

“No,” You shake your head.

“Can I?” He asks and your heart has already melted into a puddle. No one ever asks you for a kiss. You’re not sure if you would’ve rejected him to begin with, but the tenderness leaves you enthralled.

You nod and he meets your lips with ease. He tastes better than you could’ve ever imagined. It doesn’t take long for you to move further into the kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth. He accepts you and naturally picks up the pace, capturing your lips over and over again leaving you few chances to catch your breath.

“Shit,” You step back first and he’s clearly confused.

“Are you ok? We don’t have to do this,” His voice is far too worried for what you’re actually thinking about, poor thing.

“No, I’m fine, I just remembered that I didn’t get to interview you,” You pout. You genuinely feel guilty for not mentioning it before the lust took over your mind, but it still needed to get off your chest.

“That’s okay, we can just do it here,” He reassures you with a nod.

“No,” you caress his arm, “not here.”

It clicks once you start running your hand up and down his bicep, eventually resting your palm on the side of his neck. The gesture is enough to make him arrange his bag faster than you’ve seen him move the entire trip.

—

“God, you taste so fucking good,” Joshua moans into your ear, momentarily taking his lips off yours to catch his breath. You can’t even form sentences at this point, only quiet moans that show your dissolving restraint. He can tell you’re getting tired of holding back too, in fact it seems to bother him quite a bit.

“I wanna hear you,” He whispers again, he suddenly nips your ear in retaliation for being quiet.

It forces a whiny moan out of your throat, it’s embarrassing to bend so easily to him but his quiet humming on your neck is enough indication to you that he’s satisfied.

He insisted on driving you both home and for good reason, he was so helplessly horny that he couldn’t keep his hand off your thigh for the entire drive home. You felt him snake his hand underneath your skirt, but he didn’t go much further than that, his thumb idly rubbing circles on your inner thigh.

The moment you both walked inside the house, Joshua couldn’t contain himself at all against your lips, thus you were barely standing up against the door.

“Josh, please,” you breathe out. Your voice is weak, you can’t even pretend to have your guard up anymore.

“What’s up?” He barely gets it out before his lips are on yours again. You whimper into the kiss again, tapping your hands against his chest to get his attention. You manage to pull away to speak up.

“Please tell me you’re not gonna fuck me against the door,” You pant, looking up at him with a smirk.

He takes a deep breath and tilts his head to look at you intently. You almost think he’s angry until he suddenly picks you up bridal style, ignoring your startled scream with a smile.

He leads you upstairs into his bedroom and tosses you on the bed lightly, you lean back onto your elbows as he inches closer to you.

“You’re so fucking impatient, you know that?” He giggles at you, hands slowly prying open your thighs with gentle hands. You try not to hold your breath in anticipation, but the touch of his fingertips against your skin is already driving you insane.

“You made us rush home because you swore that you needed to get more material for the interview,” He speaks in a low tone, sliding his hands underneath your skirt again, but his hands stop at your hips, massaging the fabric of your underwear.

“I did, I mean, I do,” You stutter out, making eye contact with him. He laughs at your attempt to be coherent and hooks his fingers under both sides of your underwear. He decides to slip the entirety of his hands underneath, seizing your hips with outstretched palms. He yanks you down the bed in one swift movement, making you gasp.

“You kept teasing me with this skirt, ignoring me and acting like you weren’t already soaked for me back at the rink,” He palms the front of your cunt, confirming how desperate you’ve been for him. It makes you shudder and squeeze your eyes closed.

“No no no, baby, keep your eyes open. You’re gonna interview me right now,” He nods at you and your heart drops to your stomach. You’re already somewhat close to cumming, you’re convinced that a single touch to your clit would send you over the edge.

How the hell were you meant to interview him like this?

“Fuck,” You whine, hips already lifting off the bed to gain more friction.

“I know, honey, you have to focus. Can you do that or do you need my cock that badly?” He teases you with lustful eyes and you clench your jaw. You’re determined to prove him wrong, so you put your energy into contemplating a question to start with.

“I can focus, asshole,” You begrudgingly shift your hips to give him better access. You shake your head and come up with a question on the spot, eyes trained on his expectantly.

“What’s a common misconception about your public persona that you hate?” Your voice holds steady and he slides your underwear off quickly.

He hums to himself for a moment, deciding to graze a finger lazily against your folds. “I’m not a people pleaser or a pushover. People think me being a gentleman means I take all kinds of shit, but I don’t,” He slips two fingers into your core, a light smile plays on his lips when he feels you clench around him.

“So you think people in the industry look down on you for that?” You hear your voice lilt for a second as he finds a steady rhythm, curling his fingers instinctively. Your hips are rocking subtly and he clocks this immediately, he moves to cage you between his legs.

“I know they do,” He confirms with a lift of his eyebrows, “especially when I was younger. It fucked with my mentality a lot, but I know better now,” He adds when he sees your pout. He moves up to your chest, tugging your shirt up slightly. He moves back to let you take off your top and bra, but his fingers are still expertly moving inside your walls. The sound of your wetness is absolutely stealing your focus, especially when Joshua decides to force his fingers inside you even harder with low grunts.

He’s an absolute menace, you’re sure of it.

You only nod to his answer, but he disapproves at your silence. “Come on, you know the rules,” He moves up to capture your nipple in his mouth, eliciting soft moans out of you. Your orgasm is definitely on the horizon, the coil in the pit of your stomach is tightening with every bite to your chest.

“So I assume you channel a lot of frustration into your-” He hits your g-spot particularly hard, you let out a strangled cry that forces a tear down your cheek. You clamp a hand over your mouth, but Joshua is already pushing it off your face to leave a peck on your lips.

“Your skating, shit,” You whisper, you force his head back down to meet your lips in a heated kiss. Your tongue enters his mouth with no hesitation and he returns the kiss just as eagerly. He pulls back after a few seconds and leaves a kiss on your cheek.

“Definitely. People can say whatever they want about me, but I know I’m talented. I don’t have to resort to making shit up about my competitors to compensate for a lack of talent,” He laughs at the idea of being that desperate for attention. It makes your walls flutter around his fingers.

“You like it when I hype myself up, huh?” You watch him move to the crook of your neck, biting down hard on an exposed part of your skin.

“Yes, yes yes,” You slur out, eyes fluttering shut. He giggles at your temporary lack of attention before kissing across your jaw. He retreats back down to your thighs again, placing a finger against your clit.

“One more question and you can cum, I promise,” He nods at you and you return it after a moment, but it’s going to be an uphill battle to arrange your mushy brain into a proper thought.

“Do you think you’re the best figure skater in the world?” You sigh into the air, eyes rolling to the back of your head in frustration. It’s an absolutely loaded question, but you know his ego is massive right now since you’re in the palm of his hands.

His fingers still, the pressure remains deep in your core and he runs his free hand through his hair. The whole act would be far sexier than it already is if you weren’t seconds away from covering his fingers in cum.

He laughs quietly before speaking up again. “I do. We both know I am,” His voice is far too cocky for his own good. His stare is stone cold, he holds so much control over you that it’s almost unbearable.

“Now cum,” His nonchalance sends you over the edge instantly. Your high pitched moan goes completely silent, your mouth agape while your neck tilts back in an effort to regain control. Joshua slips his fingers out and moves up to your face, pressing them gently on your bottom lip. You suck them off immediately and watch him coo at you. “Good job, baby. Ready for anything else?”

“Can I take a nap?” You furrow your eyebrows at him, heart full of malice for his unexpectedly great oral skills, yet he’s still smitten with you.

Honestly, Joshua Hong was always gonna be great in bed. It’s not like you didn’t fantasize about having sex with him over the years, but you didn’t expect the prophecy to fulfill itself this easily.

Somehow, he got you all whiny and pliant when you didn’t expect it at all. It was annoying how well he could please you. You were slightly tired, but you didn’t want him to be a cocky shit on top of you again just yet. You needed to recover.

“Sure,” He finally got off the bed, presumably to help you clean up and your suspicions were correct when he returned a minute later with a damp washcloth. You started to sit up, but he made you lie down again.

Who were you to fight Joshua when he offered to tend to your shaking thighs and messy cunt? It was the least he could do after making you work for your orgasm.

—

The next morning, you’re shocked that Joshua is in bed next to you. He was always up and moving pretty early, deep into his morning routine while you were barely conscious.

You, on the other hand, were trying to treat this week partially as a vacation. When Joshua wanted to bring you along to his private schedules, you were still insistent on taking your time to get ready, much to his dismay.

Thus, you were grateful that he could actually slow down for one day while you were here. As your eyes adjusted to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, you realized this was the rest day placed onto his schedule for the week.

You look over to his sleeping form and realize that you’re deeply entangled with his body. Although you’re lying flat on your back, his head is tucked in the crook of your neck. You don’t dare to move your arms or legs though, as his body keeps you essentially trapped into place next to him.

Your minimal movements still stir him awake.

“Hi,” you whisper. He’s still forcing himself into consciousness, but he waves at you. You sit in silence for a few minutes, silently waking each other up with random touches on each other’s face or arms.

“We had sex three times last night, correct?” You ask out of the blue. He’s visibly confused at your sudden line of questioning.

“Not even a good morning?” He mutters, letting out a big yawn immediately after.

“No. I wanna know because I know you remember.”

“After that first part? I’m pretty sure it was three,” His voice is slightly hesitant, but you trust his answer considering he was dominant the entire time. You also wanted to know because it was becoming increasingly harder to deny how much you like him.

You have to admit, it was nice being able to have him like this, to watch him rub the sleep out of his eyes and cuddle without questioning if he wanted you back. He clearly did, even if his pride wouldn’t let himself say it. It was a matter of who would crack first, now that you’ve established the fact that you have undeniable sexual chemistry.

“How did you get me to go three more times?” This question is especially pertinent now that your muscles felt the aches to match that number. You can barely sit up against the headboard without wincing.

“You asked me to,” He put his hands up in defense.

You now remember that you did ask to keep going. The first time was standard, being called a cockslut during the second round made you go feral enough for a third, and the absolute filth of the last round knocked you out completely.

You were fucked, considering that you didn’t want to have sex with anyone else but only had access to said person for a few more days.

“Right,” You sigh.

“What are you planning to do today?”

“I’m gonna edit the article a bit, I’ve been putting it off. What about you?”

“Chores. I need to get a lot of things done, but remind me to run you a bath at some point today. Your muscles hurt, right?” He’s already out of the bed, stretching his arms above his head.

“Yeah, but I don’t-”

“No, I’m running you a bath. Us, technically since my muscles hurt too,” He raises his eyebrows at the thought of pampering himself, but he’s still insistent on the idea.

“Fine,” You bite back the rest of your response and he picks up on it immediately.

“No rebuttal?”

“No,” You pout, jutting your lip out to garner some kind of sympathy. He falls for it, approaching the bed again.

He leans down to leave a chaste kiss on your lips, his mouth naturally moving up to kiss your cheek as well.

“I promise it’ll be worth it, you’ll feel a lot better,” He softens his delivery for you and it barely hurts once he pulls away. He’s had that effect on you lately, his affection so irresistible that even the worst news has a slightly sweet aftertaste coming from him.

“Come on,” He taps his side of the bed to coax you up, and you slowly follow him.

The encouragement works though, as you’re both propelled into a productive afternoon. Joshua gets all of his chores done, somehow doing three loads of laundry and other assorted tasks while you’re editing.

Meanwhile, you’re firmly planted on the couch, trying to make the interview sound cohesive. You don't need to fully edit while you’re on the trip, that’s not even possible with what you have, but you wouldn’t feel right just leaving the entire process until you arrived home.

Joshua gives you an adequate amount of space, only stopping you to make sure you ate lunch or took a break from looking at your laptop screen.

They were welcome distractions, truly. If the process of trying to capture Joshua accurately in the article didn’t make any sense, it was nice to know the real Joshua was somewhere flitting around the house doing the dishes or vacuuming the living room.

Plus, it was nice to paint domestic scenes about him in your mind.

Joshua doesn’t take breaks much at all, this has been true for his entire career. He’s always competing, always performing, always doing someone a favor by being a guest of honor or special performer. It was nice to see him just exist, to fret over if he had enough laundry detergent for his next load and watch him sort his white clothes from his colorful wardrobe.

You wonder if these moments add up for him too, if he craves this kind of quiet domesticity at times.

He places a gentle hand on your shoulder and you look up at him.

“Can we take a bath now? Is it a bad time?” He worries, but you’re ready to pause.

“No, I’m ready,” You confirm. He helps you off the couch with a steady hand. You walk side by side on the way up the staircase this time, arms linked with hands untouched.

His master bathroom is just as simplistically ornate as you figured it would be. The bathtub overlooks the backyard, displaying a gorgeous view of the city skyline right above the trees.

The sun was about to set, so the view was even more picturesque than you could’ve imagined.

Throughout the day, your aches have been pressing at the back of your brain, interrupting your thought process multiple times, so much so that you don’t know why you fought him against this in the first place.

He opts for picking the right temperature for the water while he leaves you to pick out a calming scent to include in the bath.

You pick an expensive looking lavender bubble bath and he smiles when you place the bottle in his hands.

“I’ve been meaning to use this one, actually,” His eyes light up.

“Sure you have,” You sit down next to him, placing your head on his shoulder. You both observe the water slowly filling up the tub, he silently squeezes the bottle under the running water before retreating once the bubbles start to spread throughout the surface.

You both sit in silence just watching the water fill up, the sound of the faucet echoing throughout the room. Once the tub becomes noticeably fuller, he adds more bubble bath until the top is visibly covered with bubbles.

He insists on getting in first, stripping his clothes easily before settling into the tub slowly. You can already see the tension leave his muscles, especially on his face. His jaw loosens and he takes a deep breath.

He opens one eye and giggles when he sees you hesitate to enter. “Come on, I don’t bite,” He reassures you.

You move to take your clothes off in a few quick movements. He watches you with adoration, as if he’s never seen you naked before and he’d like to take it all in for a moment. Stepping into the tub isn’t too difficult, but when he suddenly pulls your waist down, the splashing startles you.

“Josh, you’re gonna get water everywhere,” you whine.

“You’re supposed to be relaxing, remember?” He pulls you flush against his chest. He punctuates his question with kisses behind your ear.

Right. You force yourself to take a breath and settle into his skin.

You know your skin is littered with light bruises from the night before and he seems to notice this, his hand silently tracing over the red marks before stopping near your collarbone.

Once he stops moving and you stop overthinking, the silence is perfect.

It’s not entirely silent, there’s still the hum of the overhead fan creating ambiance, but the dim lights pull you into the fantasy of it all.

You realize that you haven’t felt this peaceful in a long time. Perhaps it’s his presence or the fact that you haven’t sat in silence on your own in so long, but you want it more often.

You want him to envelop your life with his gentle reminders and caring gazes, silently telling you that there’s no point in working yourself to death if there’s no life for you to live outside of that.

“Joshua?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever want your career to slow down?”

He sighs so deeply that you feel it in your chest. “Is this off the record?”

“Yeah.”

“Then yes. I want to slow down so badly, it feels like my body is fighting back against how much I work sometimes,” His response is slightly pained, adjusting his body underneath you.

You pause for a few moments before speaking up again. “What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t-,” He hesitates.

“It’s okay,” Your voice mirrors the softness that he’s given you throughout the day. He gathers his thoughts for a second before trying again.

“I don’t know who I am as a person if I don’t work. This has been my entire life, if I get a few days to myself I feel like I’m going insane,” He sounds so tired of keeping up the charade, tired of being everyone’s perfect gentleman, just tired of it all.

“Have you told your team?”

“Yeah. After this Olympics cycle, I’m pulling back. I need to before it’s too late, you know?”

“Absolutely. I don’t want you to burn out even more.”

“I’ve been burnt out for ages, so what’s a little bit longer,” He chuckles bitterly. It felt like a poor response the moment you said it, but something in you hoped it wasn’t wrong to be concerned.

“So you’re gonna do the charity skate tomorrow even though you’re burnt out,” You predict.

“I mean, yeah, the skating itself isn’t the problem. I love performing, I’m just not built to keep going without consistent breaks anymore,” He reasoned.

It made complete sense knowing how quickly his career ascended once he entered the elite circuit. He hasn’t left the top 10 of the World Standings since his first full elite competition season which is incredibly hard for anyone to keep up throughout their career.

It’s no wonder that he’s tired of keeping an unmanageable pace.

“I’m sorry,” You whisper. You don’t know what else to say. What could you even tell him?

“Please, it’s not your fault.”

“Do you want me to put this in the interview? Or just write some filler paragraph about it?” You giggle through the last question and he's amused as well.

“Filler, please. I’m confident you won’t make me sound like a dick,” He plants a kiss on your cheek as a silent thank you.

“I promise I won’t.”

“I am excited for the show tomorrow though,” He shifts the conversation and it’s a welcome change.

“Anything fun planned for your number?” You asked.

From what you’ve read, Joshua’s rink held the annual charity skate event in order to honor the professional skaters who train in their facilities, allowing them space to perform routines that they may not have had the chance to otherwise. Notoriously, skaters were extremely flashy with their songs and costumes since there was significant creative freedom.

“Not really, it’s nostalgic of my old numbers.”

“Will I remember it?”

“Definitely, it made your ranking of my best performances forever ago,” His laugh vibrates through your body.

“That list definitely holds up, by the way,” You defend your teenage choices blindly, you definitely hadn’t seen it since you posted it, but it’s nice that he actually remembered some of the content you posted.

“I know you’ll love it,” He presses a long kiss on your cheek once again, but lingers against your face this time.

You’re back to silence again for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other,” You apologized. You can sense that he’s already shaking his head no at your words before you can finish your sentence.

“It’s just as much my fault as it’s yours.”

“You know I was avoiding you, though,” You clarified.

“I noticed that,” You could tell that he was smiling through the response, it makes your cheeks burn.

“I was definitely doing the same though,” He immediately follows it up. In all honesty, it was a relief that both of you decided to bury yourselves in shaping your respective careers. You were unintentionally coping in the same ways, silently hoping the other person was making better choices.

Alas, you were too similar for that to be true.

“But you know what?”

“Hm?”

“I’m really proud of you. I haven’t told you that enough and I feel terrible. I should’ve been there for you,” he replies earnestly.

After all this time, he was proud of you. In retrospect, you thought you were too obsessive or had unintentionally crossed his boundaries as a fan. Yet, that was never the case. He was always grateful that you supported him at every turn, so why wouldn’t he return that gratitude to you?

You didn’t need his validation, the initial interview all those years ago was enough to satisfy you a million times over, but he needed to express it.

You were eternally grateful that he acted on that need.

However, that last part of the confession urges you to sit up completely. You turn your body as much as possible to face him without splashing the water too much.

“You were there for me.”

“Leaving comments on your Instagram is not supporting you in the way you need, you know that,” He counters.

He’s right. You adjusted your expectations for Joshua years ago, you weren’t happy with how things were, but you accepted that your communication would always be limited.

You didn’t have the courage to talk to him, you figured things would never change. It wasn’t smart, you wasted far too much time refusing to invest in your relationship simply because of your own cowardice.

It seems he also became content with barely doing enough.

“I’m sorry for doing the same thing.”

“This can be a truce, then. I want us to be closer if you want that,” He holds out his hand and you take it immediately.

“I absolutely want that,” You're grinning so hard that your cheeks hurt. “So this means you want to kiss me again?”

“You have a massive hickey on your neck and you don’t think I want to kiss you again?” He’s almost fed up, but that smirk tells you otherwise.

“I’m just making sure,” You lower your head coyly. “Come here, babe,” He beckons you over, but he’s too eager to let you make the entire distance. He captures your lips with ease, placing his hand on your cheek. You steady yourself with your hand on his arm, leaning into the kiss with a sense of urgency.

It’s only a few moments before you pull back. “Josh, the water is so fucking cold,” You laugh through your shivers.

He reaches behind you to open the drain and kisses you again. You can’t help but smile against his lips.

The new uncharted territory you’ve forged with him makes your skin burn with excitement.

—

As soon as you arrive at the backstage area of the rink, Joshua’s whisked away by his stylist and assistants to the dressing room. You’re escorted to a VIP viewing area towards the top of the rink, a lounge with access to multi-view screens and a bird’s eye view of the ice.

Before the show starts, you familiarize yourself with the other figure skaters performing tonight. You’ve heard of all of them to some extent, having watched them in anticipation of Joshua’s performances in the past at invitationals and other competitions. Tonight was no different, as Joshua would be the last skater performing tonight.

The marketing team knew exactly what they were doing with that decision.

There were definitely fans of the other skaters dispersed throughout the stadium, but most people you saw were Joshua fans, carrying slogans and wearing merch with his name on it.

Some people even recognize you on the way up to the VIP section which throws you for a loop. They were mainly shocked that you were even at this kind of event in the first place, but it felt validating to be complimented for something outside of him.

Although the other skaters are highly entertaining to watch, your mind feels ready to see Joshua perform. Their performances are satisfying, but that particular spark is missing. It feels reminiscent of when you’d anxiously stay up to watch livestreams of his performances at 3 am, live updating your followers on the exact time when Joshua would be performing.

It was bittersweet to be able to watch him in person. It’s been years since you’ve watched him perform in the flesh, but the circumstances feel perfectly aligned.

“Performing Every moment of you, please welcome Joshua Hong,” The announcer’s voice booms through the stadium speakers and the stadium erupts into cheers. The sight of him waving to the camera is enough to leave the stadium in shambles, so his steps onto the ice are even more precious.

The pink top was the right choice now that he’s about to perform. He made you pick between a few options earlier in the day, but the sheer sleeves and pastel color match the mood perfectly. His side parted hair is neatly styled and light makeup highlights his soft features. The lighting really does his face justice as he purses his lips slightly, adjusting his head slightly down to enter his starting pose.

He moves a hand onto his heart and tucks his right leg behind his left.

As soon as the music starts, your heart clenches.

He chose this particular song, out of all his older routines. This song was in constant rotation throughout his first elite competition season, you could practically see it in your sleep.

When you watch him, you notice that the routine has barely changed either, the step sequences are just as smooth as you remember with delicate flairs of his new style.

The music is somehow more emotional than you remember, a sign that his artistry evokes such a vivid image that you can only think of him and this particular routine when you hear the song.

The execution of his combination jumps are flawless as always, and the audience agrees with loud applause every time he lands them. It seems as though he doesn’t have to try as he glides around the rink, a dreamy expression paints his face as he visibly connects with the lyrics.

He always transformed into a new character in every routine while still maintaining his own distinct style, it was something you deeply admired about his skating.

Before you know it, the song slowly comes to a close and Joshua stands in that final pose you remember so well, his face settling into a soft smile.

The crowd is absolutely obsessed with him, you look to see that many people were on their feet for a standing ovation. You immediately join in, looking toward his reaction. The cameras capture his shock, he’s pleasantly surprised by all the fanfare. He takes it in for another minute or so, looking up at the people in the stands with appreciative eyes. He finally bows his head and waves before skating off the ice.

When the entire group is called back onstage for final bows and the closing ceremony, he is once again dazzled by how intensely the crowd cheers for him once he’s introduced onstage. It’s precious to watch him try to shake it off with his hands on his face, looking to his fellow performers for a way to avoid the attention. He has always been appreciative of his support, always remaining humble in the face of his popularity constantly growing.

It doesn’t take as long as you expected for him to meet up with you. He asks you to wait in the hallway outside his dressing room, and he soon emerges; he barely lets you get a word out before enveloping you in a hug.

“What did you think?”

“I didn’t think you’d pick that one, honestly!” Your enthusiasm quiets when he kisses you and you suddenly feel acutely aware of the staff around you. He notices your shyness and pulls himself against your ear again.

“We’ll be alone soon, okay? I’m glad you liked it,” He punctuates his sentence with a kiss on the cheek. It made you relax into his touch and hold your hand while you were still in the venue.

Once outside, he lets go to briefly wave at the crowd of his fans before placing his hand on the small of your back.

You hear the gasps when he does it, but you don’t look back at the crowd. The judgment stays in your skin once you’re both escorted into the SUV, even when Joshua’s trying to get your attention with kisses to your hand.

“What are you thinking about, babe?”

“Nothing,” It’s easier to lie in the moment. He eyes you for a bit longer but ultimately doesn't question you any further.

You can’t tell him that everything feels especially temporary now. You know what it’s like to be on the opposite side of it as a fan, the initial feeling of seeing him make contact with a new romantic interest is always shocking. Neither of you owed them anything, you never had to reveal the depth of relationship if that’s what you both wanted.

He says he wants you, but that inevitable “what happens next” conversation hasn’t happened and you’re leaving in the next 48 hours. If there was any time to figure out the definition of your relationship, it was now.

Although the conversation in the bath last night was enlightening, you needed some kind of finality. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for vague promises anymore.

Will he make you a priority when his schedule is about to amp up even more?

If you needed to move on, you’d rather know now before you’re on another 13 hour flight left to your own devices.

—

You’re able to tag along with Joshua to his practice session with his coach on your last full day in town.

Although the conclusion of the trip takes up most of your brain space, it’s still interesting to watch his skating become informed by a new perspective. You couldn’t hear all of the critiques in detail, but it was enough to understand how Joshua’s energy was shaped through their leveled guidance.

He switched from his longtime coach once he broke his ankle, understandably citing that the old coach had pushed him to the point of collapse, no matter how grateful he may have been for his old coach’s support thus far.

The dynamic was far more supportive, you concluded. You were able to get more writing done, but your eyes drift to him more often than not.

He practices intensely for around 6 hours today, still a considerate amount of time considering the other practice days in his schedule. He didn’t appear distracted when you were watching him, but he was clearly eager to be alone with you again. He was practically pulling you into the front door once you arrived at his home.

He leads you upstairs to his bedroom before closing the door quickly.

“Kiss me,” His request is urgent, and you oblige despite feeling hesitant.

It’s best to just kiss him, to enjoy a good thing standing right in front of you while you have it.

He’s showing all his tells that he wants more than just kisses, cradling the back of your head, moaning into your mouth. It all still feels so enticing.

Yet, as always, he seems to notice something’s off before you can. He must notice the tension in your body that you tried your best to will away. He pulls out of the kiss and examines your eyes.

“Are you ok?” He’s slightly panting. You force yourself to close your eyes to steady your nerves.

“No,” you admit.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this, you know that.” He knows exactly what you mean by the way his shoulders drop. He looks nervous, not sure if he’s about to lose you.

“Why not? What would be so wrong about being with me?” He’s genuinely upset, fighting your answer almost instantly. Therein lies the problem, there’s nothing wrong about dating him as a person. It was simply the logistics that made everything far more complicated than your heart could bear.

“Nothing,” your voice trembles. “It would be great,” A tear falls from your eye and he’s already reaching up to wipe it away. You don’t stop him from touching your face.

“But I can’t be halfway across the world from you, I can’t watch you pretend to love me and then start dating someone else right in front of my face again.”

“You know dating Ara wasn’t my choice, I wouldn’t do that to you again,” His voice is strangely quiet.

Ara was a famous Korean actress who was practically a critic’s darling at this point in her career. She dated Joshua for 4 years, long enough for the Korean public to become absolutely enamored with the idea of them. The concept of Korea’s charming upcoming actress and Korea’s technical skating prince dating each other was obviously popular among netizens, so their sudden breakup was quite shocking.

Their conflicting schedules made it a perfect storm for them to stop speaking to each other.

It all ended very publicly, but somehow Joshua was still beloved in the end. He always was.

At a work gala he was the guest of honor for, he told you that he wanted to be with you over drinks. There were many kisses exchanged in a secluded hallway, promises linger against your skin and you thought they were real.

She was his plus one, but he insisted that they were just friends.

You trusted him, and their relationship was announced a few days later. You were crushed, it made you regret ever thinking you could be more than a fan who simply pushed her luck.

“You stayed with her for 4 years, you loved her,” You persisted.

“No, I didn’t.”

“She said you did,” It bites harder than you expect, but it’s true. There were numerous interviews of her confirming the depths of their relationship. Whenever she mentioned him, there was always long-term commitment implied.

“I promise you I didn’t.” He squares his jaw as he insists on it being false.

“Why did you lie? Why didn’t you just let me down easy? You do it with literally every fan,” You shake your head, knowing exactly what he’s been through. You’ve seen the death threats, ultimatums, and invasive love offers that he’s received over the years. If he could handle that with grace, he could at least give you a proper response.

“You know you mean more to me than that,” He begged.

“If I mean more to you, then you shouldn’t have done it,” You respond. It’s selfish, you know it is.

“You can’t be fucking serious! It was to further my career, you of all people should know that,” He yelled. His voice doesn’t deter you, it simply makes you more determined.

“You could’ve fought back like you’ve done at any other point of your career. You should have fought for me,” You try to yell back but your voice falters again.

“This is me fighting for you, I want you,” He pleaded, moving closer to you out of desperation. Yet, you avoid his eye contact to close your eyes.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” You griped, shaking your head out of frustration. You hate that he’s dodging the question. You’ve seen him fight over much less, you’re not sure why he can’t recognize that he could’ve tried for you.

“You’re fighting me over hypotheticals, shit that hasn’t even happened yet.”

“You had another reason,” You state unremarkably, finally opening your eyes again. It was never a black or white situation, not with him.

“What?”

“You stayed with her for another reason.”

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and internally resets before looking at you again.

“I didn’t want you to feel tied to me. I already knew what people were saying about you because of me, I knew you didn’t want me overshadowing your career. I didn’t want to haunt you,” He seems desperate to make you see his side of it.

“But you did, from the moment I met you. I knew I’d never be able to get over you. I built up a picture of you in my mind for years, and you actually fit it. I was stupid enough to think that my dumb luck would actually let me date you,” You confessed. You lower your head by the time you finish speaking.

He didn’t seem to understand that the dynamic would’ve always been uneven between you, but you were willing to risk it.

“Y/N,” He starts.

“I was fucking devastated that I still needed you,” you interrupt him, “I was doing perfectly fine, but I knew I would regret not doing this interview. I let you in one last time, to see if it’d be different than before, but you’re not ready. You’re still not ready and it was my fault for expecting too much of you.”

The silence is loud, you both have to process all of the feelings stirred up between you.

“I’m sorry.”

You’re not sure if that’s enough.

“Just indulge me for a second, do you love me?” You ask desperately.

He doesn’t speak. He looks torn, as if he wants to but something deep inside himself still hesitated to admit it. It confirms your worst fear, that even when there’s no other obstacles in the way, he can’t be what you need.

You scoff, wiping your face once again.

“Thanks for letting me stay here, I guess,” You walk back to your room and shut the door behind you. You unconsciously listen for any movement outside the door, to see if he would chase after you.

He doesn’t.

He does a variety of tasks in the kitchen, you hear running water and the sound of cabinet doors shutting, but he never approaches the door.

The kitchen light turns off and you hear his bedroom door shut.

You’re honestly glad he left you alone, but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

As you settle into bed, you remember that he wanted to drive you to the airport tomorrow.

You’d rather walk the entire way than let him see you like this.

—

Joshua is an idiot, all things considered.

It was right there, he had the chance to tell you everything and give you his entire heart, but the words were stuck in his throat. He can barely go to sleep that night, but he could at least send you off to the airport the next morning.

It was wishful thinking that the drive would be any less painful, but he could at least fulfill his promise of taking you there. Thus, he doesn’t expect the guest room to be empty when he stumbles out of his room to go make himself breakfast.

He’s suddenly on high alert, thinking of all the things that could’ve possibly happened to you.

His internal monologue stops when he sees a note downstairs on the kitchen counter. He picks it up and curses under his breath.

“Changed my flight, your driver took me to the airport. Thanks again for letting me stay. - Y/N”

The message feels so stiff, it lacks any of your personality. Yet, he couldn’t pity himself for too long, he had to find you.

He had no idea if your flight had already taken off or not, but he at least had a location. Your original flight wasn’t until late afternoon, so he figured you must have been really fed up to change it to a mid-morning flight. The anger you felt transcended your hatred of mornings, and that was enough to really get Joshua moving.

He decided to stick with the clothes he had on to minimize the amount of time in the house. He wasn’t sure if it was smart to buy an impulse ticket for a flight he wasn’t going on, but he did it anyway.

As he sat in his car, he wasn’t sure if he locked the front door, but the adrenaline made him forget altogether.

The drive to the airport was a complete blur, he was certain that he blew through a few just-turned-red lights in an effort to get there. Once he arrives, he is anything but discreet.

He thanks his lucky stars that he gets a short security line so that he can run through the airport to find you. He only stops to check the massive flight board for flights to your city before picking up the pace again, almost running into a few people on the way.

He just had to make it to gate 12.

He spots the gate out of the corner of his eye, almost missing it due to his haste. He scans his eyes quickly across the group of people to see if you could possibly be there.

He’s almost given up on searching for you, but just like the movies, he finds you sitting in the corner wearing that particular writing hoodie.

He knows whatever way he chooses to approach you, it’ll scare you. Yet, he opts for the least terrifying option.

He walks over, taking a small breath before speaking up.

“Hi,” It comes out far too hesitant, but it still gets your attention. You look up at him, evidently confused but annoyance shows up quicker.

“What are you doing here?” You’re not moved at all, he felt like an inconvenience.

“We need to talk. Can I sit with you?” He points to the empty chair and you stare at him for a moment. You quietly oblige, giving a quick nod. You didn’t reject him outright, so that’s a win in his book.

“I’m really sorry about last night. I should’ve told you how I felt,” His voice is hushed so as to not disturb anyone else around you. Most people were sitting further away, but he didn’t want to take any chances. You only look forward, not acknowledging him at all.

“I thought about everything and you were right to be worried. I haven’t shown you that you can trust me to commit,” He continues.

“Whatever you want to do, that’s fine. I just,” He stops his train of thought to take a breath.

“I love you. I should’ve told you the moment you asked me, I should’ve told you the first day you came to town. I always knew,” He finishes with a shaky breath. You both sit in silence for longer than he’d like, but it’s understandable. Your longtime crush lets you down then admits he’s loved you for ages, it’s a lot for anyone to process.

“Joshua?”

He turns to face you. “Yeah?”

“That was corny as fuck,” You let out a laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. He’s happy to see you smile for a bit, even if it’s at his expense.

“I know, I just needed to tell you before you left,” He laughs quietly. It covers up the temporary embarrassment he feels. No matter what you tell him, he figures that it was worth it to put everything on the line.

“I forgive you, though. And I love you too,” You smile through the reply and your voice is the softest he’s ever heard it.

The newness of it all makes him blush.

“Still can’t look at me, huh? Do I make you nervous?” He touches your shoulder in a silent plea for you to let him in.

“Fuck off,” You finally make eye contact with him and grab his hand, fingers automatically intertwined with his. You press the back of his hand to your mouth for a kiss. The gesture quiets all his lingering fears.

“I’m not relocating for you though, I like my apartment and my job,” You give him a pointed look.

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that. Plus I told you I’m trying to slow down, remember?” The realization hits your face and it makes him giggle.

“Does that mean you’re moving in with me?”

“It might,” He suggests. He thinks he’s a pretty decent roommate, but he’d change his bad habits in a heartbeat if it meant you were more comfortable.

“Not before the Olympics though. And you’d need to sell the house, right?”

“Yeah. Shit, you’re really getting ahead of me here,” He didn’t really consider all the details yet, especially thinking about how shocked his management team would be at the decision, but he knew you were too good to lose.

He lived enough of his life without you, and it was time to switch things up.

“Just making sure you’re aware of what all of this would mean,” You remind him. It was a completely fair critique considering how many directions his life was currently being pulled in.

“Of course, but I’m coming to visit before I move. Many times,” He’s already mentally planning out a schedule in his head, plotting out weekend getaways and week-long trips just to spend time with you again.

“You won’t have your own room though, sorry,” You sigh in fake concern.

“I think we can make that work,” He assured you with a smile.

“I still can’t believe you bought a fucking plane ticket to get past security to come find me. You’re insane,” You shake your head at him in disbelief.

“Your boyfriend is insane,” He stresses the term, “and it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t let you get away like that.”

You both talk for a while, just drinking in each other’s presence as a new couple. While you’re recounting your metal detector encounters, it hits him that he doesn’t know when he’ll see you again.

Everything keeps getting busier between the two of you, and the possible timeframe of him moving seems further and further away with each passing moment.

He desperately wants to slow everything down in his career immediately, for all of his responsibilities to be taken care of for him.

The boarding process begins and he’s wistful, he didn’t think it would hurt so deeply to let you go home. He pulls you into a tight hug, his head nestled into the crook of your neck. “I love you so much, baby,” His voice wavers.

“Don’t fucking cry, you’ll make me cry,” You whisper, curling into his body even further. It makes him smile despite the tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? I promise,” He attempts to steady his voice, but it’s no use. The moment he has the love of his life, you’re already leaving.

You lean back and press your lips to his, you move as quickly as time permits. It’s not the kiss he wants, but it’s enough to sate him.

He pulls away first, kissing your cheek before standing back to get a good look at you.

“Now go, they’re about to finish up your section,” He pointed to the gate with a watery laugh, finally wiping his cheeks from the tears.

You wave one last time as your ticket gets scanned and you’re no longer in view.

He’s not ready to go back to an empty house, one without you sitting on the couch bundled up in his blankets, staring at your computer with squinted eyes. He’s not ready to fall asleep without you next to him and wake up the next day knowing you wouldn’t be up until midday.

You’ve worked your way into his life and he can’t picture another second without you in it.

He decides that whenever you’re available to talk on the phone, you would plan his first visit.

That was the only way he could cope with the time and distance that seemed impossible to cross.

—

The Joshua profile is edited and completed in due time, somehow without losing your sanity.

Joshua is always sending you his edits, many of which are rejected the moment he comments them. Yet, you promise him that he can have input on another piece.

Once it’s approved through final edits, the profile is received well, all things considered. While there are unavoidable critiques, it still resonates with fans and writers alike. It goes considerably less viral than your other content with him, but viral nonetheless. It gets another boost in attention when Joshua reveals your relationship to the public exactly two months after it’s posted, and people are now re-examining the profile for signs of love blooming in between the lines.

These recent post-profile interviews he did were keeping you company during your downtime after work. You’d find yourself watching them on your laptop in bed, craving the sound of his voice when he was caught up in practice. He told you to watch this one specifically when it was uploaded though, so you decided to listen to him.

“So we have to talk about your relationship and the article,” The late night host segues into the new topic and Joshua handles it with ease.

“Of course,” He’s nodding along.

“So you fall in love with one of your biggest fans and do this reunion interview after 10 years? What’s the whole story?”

“Well, she’s been a fan of mine for my entire career and we first met when she made this viral blog post about me qualifying for my first Olympics,” He recounts the story for what feels like the millionth time, but you still eat it up every time. He has an exact script that you can almost know how he’ll phrase it.

“We film an interview and that goes even more viral, like 20 million views or something crazy,” He stops to laugh for a moment and the audience laughs along with him.

“We met up a few times over the years, but I finally suggested we do something for the 10 year anniversary of the interview. That’s how it all came together,” He nods with a grin.

“That’s amazing, is there anything you want to tell her?”

He looks directly into the camera and takes a breath. “Just that I miss you and love you very much,” His voice softens and the audience lights up with applause. He blows a kiss to the camera before the host switches topics once again, moving on to more Olympics talk for the rest of the video.

The declaration of love is simple, he’s not the kind of guy to make these big sweeping gestures of love, but it’s more than enough for you. You send him a quick text approving of the video and your heart is extremely full.

He moves in right after the Olympics end, but he’ll have a chance to properly decompress from the competition. The anticipation is enough to almost drive you insane, but the wait will be worth it.

—

The Olympics are a complete blur, as expected. You try to enjoy other events during your time there, but the men’s individual skate is the only thing on your mind. Joshua tried to make things for you as comfortable as possible despite living in the designated Olympic Village. He always complained that he wasn’t able to see you by sending you lots of heartfelt texts, but you teased him that he just needed to focus on competition.

Joshua won the gold medal, as expected by numerous sports networks and prediction experts.

You knew he’d win too, obviously.

Although he performed last in the final group, moving his rank down to 5th before his free skate performance, his final showing put him 10 full points above 2nd place.

Your boyfriend, who has been swept up in podium ceremonies, post-skate interviews, and a celebratory dinner is finally alone with you in your hotel room and you intend to make the most of it.

“Congratulations,” You’re practically yelling in his ear as he smothers you in a hug, clutching the back of your head. He’s free of the costume and makeup from earlier in the night, even his team tracksuit was exchanged for an old shirt and shorts.

“Thank you, baby,” His response is muffled against your shirt. You pull away to admire his face for a moment before leaning in for a deep kiss.

He’s feeling just as desperate as you are, swiping his tongue into your mouth with ease. It’s been so long since you’ve had a chance to just kiss him, let alone see him for more than a few minutes at a time. There were still press circuits and endless events for him to attend, but for a moment he was simply your gold medalist.

You barely come up for air for the next few minutes, getting all of the long distance reunion induced kisses out of your system. You step away to breathe against his neck and collect your thoughts.

“I’m so proud of you, like I was fully sobbing in my seat after the scores.”

“You were?” He questions, eyes widening.

“Of course, you’ve worked so hard to get here after everything. It makes me wanna cry all over again,” You’re so fond that it makes your heart swell for him.

“My poor baby, crying her eyes out over me like the good old days,” He coos.

“Yeah,” You let out a shaky laugh and wiped a stray tear from your eye. There were no ways to describe how it felt to watch the love of your life succeed from so many points of view, in some ways your relationship is a time capsule of your adolescence.

Joshua is simultaneously the object of your youth and the promise of a better future.

The journey is never lost on you, all of the time spent learning each other all over again reinvigorated your spirit.

“I’m ready to go home with you, I’m just so tired,” He whispers. The collective stress of the past few years is catching up with him now that the hardest part is over, that sense of normalcy needed to come sooner rather than later.

“I know, love. Just a few more days and we can sleep in as much as we want,” You think out loud, but he seems to like the idea as you cup his face in your hands. The tension melts from his face the longer you stay still and he lets out a quiet hum.

“Can we cuddle?”

“Of course,” You would’ve wanted to do it anyway, but you couldn’t say no to him in this state.

Once you both crawled onto the bed, he naturally put his head on your chest. It doesn’t take long before you’ve both fully relaxed into each other’s touch. The silence is needed after nonstop stimulation from the outside world.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He doesn’t hesitate this time, it's saturated with adoration for you. You feel the warmth on your cheeks and respond accordingly.

“I love you too.”

He sits up, staring at you with so much love in his eyes. He kisses you just to do it, but it’s perfectly fine by you.

You swear that you could live in this moment forever. There would always be deadlines approaching, endless amounts of work waiting for you, but these moments were too precious to take for granted.

There’s so much love for him in your body that it doesn’t know where to go, but you figure that you’ll find somewhere to place it within due time.

There’s no use in grieving wasted time when his love is nestled so neatly in your heart, allowing you to indulge in the infinite futures you’re able to build together.

He’s not going anywhere, there’s still time.

There will always be time.

[daisymae-12]

weekend WIP game

thanks @welcometololaland for this fun game (the perfect way to spend my saturday night 😂) and @kiwiana-writes for the tag ❤️ I only have one art WIP right now so I opted to do the writers questions !!

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (questions for artists/gifmakers here).

1. WIP List: ok this question made me actually label my WIP's because they're all just titled "Fic #1", "Fic #2" etc in my google drive 😅

Roommates/College AU

5+1 bestfriends to lovers [Alex accidentally keeps friendzoning Henry lmao]

Supermarket meet-cute (but not cute because Henry manages to piss off Alex)

Fake Dating/College AU [inspired by how my husband and I met]

Vampire Henry

Artist Alex [Bea commissions a gift for Henry]

Canon Divergence from Kensington

Roommates AU ft. stardew valley

Coffee Shop AU

Canon Divergence from Lakehouse

Neighbours AU

Fake Dating/High School AU [also inspired by how my husband and I met lol]

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

Fake Dating/College AU !!

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Fake Dating/College AU - it's the only one so far that I've made an outline for because I think it'll be long-ish 😂

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now it's my Vampire Henry fic ❤️ enjoying it because I'm not struggling too much to write it - and the ideas have been coming easily 😌

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

ooo probably the two canon divergence ones? mostly because they'll probably be the fics with the most angst - yikes

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

gosh - all of them? I haven't published new fanfic in over 6 years so it's definitely been nerve wracking even sharing snippets over here for wip wednesday 😅

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

Maybe for the longer fics? I'm not sure if I will! We'll see if I ever get to writing anything long enough 😬 I am sort of warming up to the idea of google doc cheerleaders? I dno, I'm such a slow writer though so it might stress me out 😂

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

yess the Roommates/College AU - this was the first rwrb fic I started all the way back in June LAST YEAR 😭 I wrote bits and pieces of the first two chapters and still haven't picked it back up since 😩 I've also hit writer's block with the 5+1 - I thought this would be the first fic I'd publish for rwrb AND the first fic I'd ever finish but I got triggered when writing one of the scenes which shocked me because I didn't expect it to? I'd even say this fic is light-hearted but yeah I had to stop. Hoping to finish writing that one after Vampire Henry though !!!

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

ooo so far the only fic with an OC is Fake Dating/College AU but I can't say more without spoiling 👀

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Everything is such bare bones atm, so I truly don't know 😂

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

Probably Canon Divergence from Kensington 😅😅😅

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

Hoping the characterisation is ok on all of them but right now they're all so short still that I can't pick one out 🙃

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

Gosh I am BAD at this - will probably end up being the Coffee Shop AU because cafes are my second home but we'll see 😅

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

As of right now - been working the hardest on Vampire Henry fic but I anticipate it'll be outdone by Fake Dating/College AU - that one will take me a long time to write based on the outline I've done 💀

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

ahh I'm not sure! Maybe Fake Dating/College AU? I can already tell that fic is going to be my baby and I hope everyone will like it too

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

Not really but I do daydream about them in the shower 😂

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

hmm not sure since everything is still quite bare bones so I'll answer this next time !

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

Right now - Vampire Henry 😅 but not really ??? but yes the most in comparison to everything else so far LOL

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

Nope but I do want to write a fic with an outside POV one day!

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

Vampire Henry fic will probably be the first fic in a series 😬 I have ideas for a sequel OR extra scenes that will be ficlets 🥰

Yay that was so much fun! Love reading about everyones wip's but no pressure ❤️ @myheartalivewrites @heybuddy-drabbles @read-and-write- @suseagull04 @gwiazdziarka @adreamareads @sprigsofviolets @cultofsappho @anincompletelist @lizzie-bennetdarcy @notspecialbabe @littlemisskittentoes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @affectionatelyrs @heartitinthesilence @inexplicablymine @raysletters @tintagel-or-cockleshells @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @sherryvalli

[penumbramewtwos]

Thank you to all of 169 followers/mutuals!

This has all hit me like an emotional tonne-of-bricks lately, mostly happiness and humble gratitude, as well as some mild confusion; me being someone who's socially awkward. You're all very special to me, as all I wanted to do was share my art progression, no matter how long it took, or how many trial-and-error attempts I took to achieve anything creative. I never would have thought I'd make friends with anyone along the way, that's something I thought was impossible after about 10 years of being off the internet and in my relatively restrictive home-life. Thank you, again, I don't feel as isolated anymore. I'm mostly going to be mention-thanking accounts that have followed me, but there will be some special mentions of accounts that don't follow, but have still been very important people along this journey! [Apologies, when I started this artwork there were 163 of you ^^;]

@ricksoo @mimiblue64 @martysgachaworld @eveeonaartz @mel-the-pirate @xhunterbeatsx Thank you all for mentioning me in the recent Love-Train! To read about how you all view me in positive attributes melts my heart to-no-end. To read the from some of you who commented about how you adore my artworks and even an artstyle of all things; makes me confused with bubbling-happiness! I never thought I had an artstyle, I just try my hardest to draw as best I can. Thank you all for your support and guidance through this journey. Some Ultra-special mentions to my longest known followers/mutuals (and more recent-ish, too): xhunterbeatsx, martysgachaworld, @paradoxiusblack @secret-mewtwo @oogaboogaspookyman @wren-idkfeather ricksoo @blues-sues @kantaroth @altaria-andthe-two @amateurcomics @drazegerzo @noodleartz @droberrymewtwo629 @spammykins @waffledragon10 @psychic-nature I wish I could talk about each of your beautiful attributes down to an individual level, but just know, you are the people/blogs/artists who have made me over the last few months. Your artworks/encouragement have inspired me to keep trying. mel-the-pirate @cinnatwo @a-shy-mimiktwo @ask-water-mewtwo eveeonaartz @greatgoldlion [distortionmewtwo] @umberarin [velvet-and-aspen] @minish-mews-and-twos mimiblue64 @askthemewtwofamily @justice-the-pandisaster @spikyegg @ask-the-royal-absol @medrawsart and dozens more of you. Ty also your active and/or passive encouragement, even if it's just a follow, comment, reblog, or like; it all means so very much to me! Lastly, thanks to xhunterbeatsx (third time, lmao) justiceandthepandisaster (second time), @xxtc-96xx, and @comedydoctor18: For your helpful artistic tips, friendliness, support and encouragement. I look up to all of you (and so many others) as artists and as role models. I may not come online often, or be the quick artist I want to be; but everyone's positivity and support through all of this means so much more than anyone could think possible. I more-or-less consider you my friends, who are all close to my heart. So, here's to all of you: The first friends/acquaintances I've made in over a decade! You've all made this mid-late 20's, intersex-dummy feel so welcome and free.

Apologies for the mass tagging and long winded thank you, I don't know how to thank people like a normal person, my ADHD doesn't allow it (I either don't do enough, or I do too much, like this time around :'>).

[wingsonghalo]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @cnnmonbimee! Thank you for the tag!! Read her awesome answers here!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 66! More than I thought were on there tbh!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? Uhhh apparently it's 684,757! Less than I thought!

3. What fandoms do you write for? In order of most fics to least: Ace Attorney, JSHK, My Hero Academia, Mob Psycho 100, Homestuck, Hunter x Hunter, Phineas and Ferb, and Supernatural. I've also written a lot of Pokemon stuff, but somehow that has escaped Ao3 despite it being my longest fandom LOL. Working on a Pokemon SV one currently though 👀

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Project: Matchmakers (shocker, I know), Sleep (Too) Tight (It's always been slowly but steadily popular), Force of Habit (bit of a surprise there honestly), Project: Matrimony (less surprising), and The Stuff of Dreams. So what I am seeing here is that no one leaves kudos on my JSHK or MP100 or MHA fics :') Some of these fics are one-shots, so it's kind of surprising! I wish PlayWright had gotten more attention; that fic killed me while I was writing it. I'm not giving number of kudos because I'm not comfortable with that and it makes me feel bad about myself haha,,,

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to! I've fallen behind on responding to them in the past 2 years or so because life has been so busy, though…

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably A Practice, For Now?? LMAO it's also my first JSHK and the one with the most kudos HMM COULD THIS FANDOM BE ADDICTED TO ANGST PERHAPS??! I don't write angst a lot!! What can I say, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Almost all of my fics end happily, LOL. Pick any of them that actually has an ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not commonly. I've gotten anon hate before about them on tumblr on rare occasions, but usually my comments on ao3 stay pretty nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do sometimes, but I'm so shy about it that I rarely ever post it /)//w//(\ Usually I just share it among friends, haha!

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope, and I never will!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone tried to run Project: Matchmakers through a translator to hide the word matches and sell it as an ebook on Amazon, but they only bothered to hide it for chapter 1 so someone reported it to me and then in retaliation I started actually selling it on Amazon for the lowest price I could because the thief was trying to sell the shittier version for like 7 dollars LSFJ;AKLD. Read about the whole debacle here.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, quite a few! People have been great about asking me for permission! 💖

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, here and there! Usually it's either fics where I have written one part and someone else has written another scene, or someone had me look over something they'd written and I added so much commentary or threw additional ideas at them so much that the story ended up changing and I somehow became a co-author, LOL.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Oh my god don't make me answer that ;alskdjfl;k. If I wrote a fic for them ever, they're my favorite. I have so many favorites that I've never written fics for, too.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? THE UNDERCOVER FIIIIIC [sobs] and also Left on Read hnnngh

16. What are your writing strengths? Emotions!! I'm super good at those! I'm also really strong at dialogue and banter, and making my writing kinda witty/funny.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Describing settings ;w; I write my scenes like I draw my art: in Descriptionless Blank Voids lkas;dlkf. I also struggle with the flow of action scenes sometimes, though I think they usually turn out okay if I spend enough time on them. I also probably use too many adverbs and adjectives, but y'know what? Fuck it I like my descriptive words thank you very much

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? As long as you're checking that it means what you think it means, or possibly asking a native speaker if you're unsure about context or need a sensitivity reader, I think it's fine. It annoys me if I have to check a footnote every other line, but if you can mostly understand it without a translation in context, it can be kinda nice! At least it says you're trying more than phonetically spelling out an accent, which--remember, kids!--is always cringe! 👍

19. First fandom you wrote for? On Ao3, it was Homestuck. On the internet in general, it was Animal Crossing and Pokemon, LOL.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Don't make me cHOOSE BETWEEN MY BABIESSS 😭 I dunno man! Project: Matchmakers is my magnum opus, but the PlayWright is lowkey kind of a masterpiece, I love so many of my JSHK fics to bits and pieces, a lot of my MP100 and MHA fics are very special to me, I've been trying to write a HxH one for YEARS and have poured my heart into making it beautiful, just UGHHH every single one of my fics I have vivid memories of conceptualizing and working on and most of them are my favorite to some degree!

I tag @carochinha, @kittykatz009, @toastytoaster22, @ittybittytoostormy, and anyone else who would like to answer these questions!!

[fereldanwench]

AO3 Meme

I was tagged by @sarahawke to share some links to some of my AO3 stories--Thank you! 💙 Rules: Give us the links to your wonderful words with the Most hits, Most kudos, Most comments, Most bookmarks, Most words, and Least words.

🥇 Most Hits: Scars (Requires AO3 account to read) (Dragon Age Inquisition; Cullen Rutherford x Unnamed F!Trevelyan)

This just has the most hits because it's my oldest fic, and I wrote it in early 2014, which at the time felt like just a few months until Inquisition would come out, so the hype was real. I remember being really inspired by one of the trailers and listening to the DAI theme on repeat and just having these scenes in my head that I needed to get down.

At the time, I was also pretty deep in my Cullen x Hawke ship, and I think I was also trying to figure out how I would compartmentalize that ship with an Inquisitor ship because they weren't going to exist in the same personal canon.

Anyway, I don't remember enough about it to say much more, and I'm not rereading it because I think it'll make me cringe, lmao. I can't believe I wrote that almost 10 years ago.

🥇 Most Kudos: Scars 🥈 Runner-up: Homecoming (Cyberpunk 2077; Goro Takemura x Valerie Powell)

Scars again takes it just by being on there the longest, but Homecoming is nearer and dearer to my heart, so I'm really happy to see that it's number two. (And not that far off from Scars, which I think is impressive given that it's so much newer.)

Homecoming was 1) an excuse to write smut from Goro's POV (third-person limited) and 2) a chance to explore some of Valerie's conditions after her revival from Mikoshi. I wanted it to be on the lighter, fluffier side so it's a little idealized and doesn't delve deep into the hardships they face as they start a new journey with Arasaka.

🥇 Most Comments: Sway (Dragon Age II; Sebastian Vael x Marian Hawke)

Another older work, but still to this day, one of my favorite things I've written. It was a one-shot based on a Tumblr prompt, and I just found my groove with it almost immediately. It was one of those pieces that I did not have to fight to get the words out at all.

Just some mutual pining and non-sexual physical intimacy between two people who want each other but know that can never be.

🥇 Most Bookmarks: Homecoming (Cyberpunk 2077; Goro Takemura x Valerie Powell)

See rambling above. 💙

🥇 Most Words: Homecoming 🥈 Runner-up: With Interest (Cyberpunk 2077; Viktor Vektor x Valerie Powell)

Did you know Valerie and Viktor had a thing before the Heist? Well, if I ever finish With Interest, you'll get to see why that didn't work out! I've had the next chapter, like, 80% finished for the past year, but this past year hasn't really been great for getting the words out. Something I'm hoping to change in the next few months.

🥇 Least Words: The Game (Dragon Age Inquisition; Cullen Rutherford x Michel de Chevin)

I actually forgot I had put this on AO3--Just a quick one-shot based on the prompt "Cullen/Michel - Political games at the Winter Palace."

Tagging @morganlefaye79, @theharlotofferelden, @dustymagpie, @commander-krios, and @ziskandra! 💙

[oloreandil]

20 Q's for Fic Writers

tagged by: @chameliyun, thank you so much <33

1 - How many works do you have on ao3?

131 works so far ! 97 of them are for haikyuu!! and i cannot wait to celebrate my 100 hq fics hehe

2 - What's your total ao3 word count?

323,624 words :0 i didn't think it'd be that much, i tend to write short things, i'm excited to have written so many words !!!

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

i have posted for haikyuu, death note, bnha, yuri on ice, free, breath of fire iv, and fairy tale for some unknown reason XD but i have unposted / unfinished fanfic for a bunch of other things like hunter x hunter or fma

4 - What are your top five fics by kudos?

chat me up has always been my most popular fic and tbh ? yeah i see why XD it is one of the most fun and chatfics were popular at the time. after that come ...or not, blue like the sky, silent trust and saw my momma dad cheese

5 - Do you respond to comments?

yes !! fandom is a community first and foremost for me, and posting is also a way to interact. comments are immensely lovely to get and answer !!

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooh probably love me right ?? it's kinda the angstiest i've written... ever. but some nights is also. bad end. solely by virtue of being post apo and not very optimistic about it. i wanna rewrite it someday because i actually really liked that AU and it's not the best right now hmmm

7 - What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

honestly hasetsu tour guides (which is a series but shhh) is the happiest thing i've written ?? it's not the most fun in terms of plot but everyone is content with their life in a way i've not really written a lot

8 - Do you get hate on fics?

nope, not well known enough XD and i'm not complaining about it

9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do ! i have no clue if there's a specific kind i stick to though, most of it isn't even posted or even written past heavy planning. trans cyborg smut is on its way though @notsuchasecret :3

10 - Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i have written or co-written a NUMBER of crossovers. most are not on ao3 yet (or... ever...) but i have posted death note x snow white and hxh x little red riding hood, so. however i do think that owari no seraph x the frog princess (the russian fairy tale) is the wildest one so far !

11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge, but that'd be kinda funny tbh ? imagine coming across your own obscure niche things in the wild. i'd almost be more disappointed it's not a new fic for my teeny fandom corner lmao

12 - What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

the shortest would probably be a couple hours, for guardian of his king (written in a fugue state at like 3am, after Syb shared the drawing that inspired it. two of us fell in a trance btw, this was a POTENT artwork). the longest... i don't dare calculate... but it is measured in years and i haven't even started writing yet <3

13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?

if you count detailed planning and extensive oral storytelling, many !! my best friend and i are very prolific behind the scenes, to her dismay XD. i thiiiiiink she is the only co-writer i have had ? but i LOVE doing group fics and i'd love to do it with other people

14 - What's your all-time favorite ship? From all fandoms?

"you ask questions i have no answers to" is what i was gonna say and then my brain went "well apart from bokuaka which has to be out of the competition-" so i may have an answer actually hahaha

15 - What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oooh my god that naruto fountain of youth AU is never gonna be written. i have so so so much planned and i sift through and add more from time to time, but like... i pick my battles a little more wisely than this behemoth

16 - What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure ! i do think writing dialogue is easier for me than most other things, and i love doing fun formatting / narrative constraints

17 - What are your writing weaknesses?

i forget to put down half of the words on the paper so my sentences make no sense and it's horrible to edit <- loves editing. doesn't love when i reread myself and every five sentences i have to think "who tf wrote this and what the hell does it mean. how do you go from here to there ??? oh wait i forgot a sentence again"

18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

english isn't my first language. i write dialogue in another language 99% of the time. i don't think this question really takes into account the amount of ESL writers who are basically always doing this

to stay closer to what the question was meant to ask though, i have written sentences, in the middle of english fics, in languages that me or most readers don't speak. it is usually either a LONG process of looking up grammar rules, vocabulary, existing sentences etc... or what i did once, "write with mistakes because the person is learning the language still"

it is good imo to have characters speak their native tongue, or to add your own HCs onto characters and make them speak in their new native tongue, but it can be done more or less respectfully and more or less clearly. how do you include a translation, if at all ? is it jarring in the flow of your fic ? what about inserting song lyrics in another language ? it's a case by case basis for me tbh, and as a reference i really love how yuri on ice did it during the anime

19 - First fandom you wrote for?

i don't recall what i first wrote for exactly but i first posted for death note in 2015 :0 a while back !!

20 - Favourite fic you've written?

i don't have one at the moment, my criteria isn't defined enough these days. maybe some will jump out more later as they did in the past but for now i can say i love most of my children equally lmao

it took me a while to answer, sorry, and i'm too tired to tag anyone but DO feel free to say i tagged you if you wanna do it !!!!!!!

[cassandrasdreamworlds]

i am SO sorry i saw this so late lmao but @violaceum-vitellina-viridis tagged me in a self promo tag game! (which they stole from @inexplicifics apparently xD)

to encourage some self promo, how about sharing your top fics no matter how big or small - give us the links to your wonderful words with the Most hits/Most kudos/Most comments/Most bookmarks /Most words/Least words

I already know which fic is gonna come out on top regardless of category xD which means i will just leave out the top fic in the following categories so i dont slap in the link for my big fic 5 times in a row lmao

MOST HITS: very unsurprising but also still surprising because I never thought it would get that big but it's my fic from every height I’d fall I’d call a DC|Batfam fic with fucked up time wibbly wobbly reincarnation and slow build

MOST KUDOS: VERY surprising because i basically never check my stats page and didnt notice this fic sneak itself that high (except yknow. every height) but its bathroom break or a statistically unlikely number of kids stacked into a bathroom which is my DC|Batkids comedy crack fic and a take on the Wayne GalaTM trope

MOST COMMENTS: ... huh well I do get a decent amount of comments tbh but this one did surprise me a lot. it's (after every height) i’ll scream, but you won’t hear - ‘forget me not’  which is the third part in a series featuring an amnesiac Witcher AU - as in yes most of the characters forgot Jaskier the Bard has ever existed. it is VERY angst and mind the tags but i have since abandoned the series, though the first part can be read without reading the series if you dont mind a sad ending

MOST BOOKMARKS: in first... AFTER every height and bathroom break are at the moment two fics tied at 149 bookmarks the first one is in wonderment, at you and yours which is a Witcher fic with Geralt/Jaskier, 6k words of smut and strength kink the second is dragonology a DC|Batfam fic where Tim after getting injured and his body going "nope ive had enough" finds out that he's actually a dragon shifter

MOST WORDS: i don't think i can actually get around explicitly mentioning every height here since it is my longest fic and getting longer with atm 60k, second in line is we'll all be the weak and the weary sometime a rare pair Witcher fic with Regis/Roche - yes the vampire Regis and yes Vernon Roche of the Blue Stripes from TW2 and TW3, it's got 17k and is a short developing relationship fic and with the best meet ugly ive written so far

LEAST WORDS: .................................. do I. do I have to. really? ughhhhhh okay I'll link it if ONLY for baby Cas who was very proud of it - anyway comfort a Yuri on Ice fluff Yuuri/Viktor piece that I wrote when I was like. what? 16? pls keep that in mind if you do read it but my advice is. don't xDDD

tagging: @brothebro @childoffantasy @1flyingcat @ironhoshi @itsfirecat @howdidthisevenhappenanyway @bard-llama and anyone else who wants to spread some self promo around!

[the-darklings]

hey i absolutely love this story, your writing is wonderful and you are such a nice person, i love the way you interact and also get excited, it makes us (at least me) want to interact with you and freak out about what happens in the fic.

not wanting to sound boring, or rushing you, just the words of a reader desperate to suffer more, next part dropt when?

sending hugs and hope you are well.

Hi, hello! 👋

First of all thank you so much for your lovely words. I really appreciate them. To be honest, as I’ve mentioned, I never expected so many people to be this passionate about tibyim. I’m very lucky to have so many talented readers interacted with this story and sharing their thoughts—be it in discussions/analysis, just general hype about the story which I reassure you does wonders just by itself, or the insane talent I’ve seen from artists, editors, and literally everyone else who are kind enough to share it with me. I’m a very 0 or 100 person so if I’m screaming my lungs out in the tags that’s done with vigour lmao

As for your question, while I usually say “weekend” and see how that treats me, I’m not entirely sure this time. It might be a few days longer wait than usual. This is because 1) this chapter is the one chapter I don’t want to rush because it needs to accomplish a lot 2) it’s going to be the longest chapter by far if I had to guess. Today I start working on the dialogue. As always, I’ll be giving you updates and a preview when a significant portion of it is done.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Tumblr Superlatives Tag Game Part 2

Rules: Tag (or list) the mutual/friend/acquaintance/etc. that best fits each category. I was tagged by @mistmarauder because she likes to derail my day.

Is the funniest: @mistmarauder makes me howl with laughter even when I'm mentally flipping her off and I always appreciate @brassm's memes

Has the best tags: I'm saying the same as Jess - @stagefoureddiediaz @evcndiaz or @extasiswings - their tag essays end up screenshotted and put on posts for a REASON

Is the most underappreciated creator: @captainofthefallen which I get because she tends to write in small fandoms but if you're a Star Wars fan and know anything about Knights of the Old Republic you need to read her fic "Two With One Stone" OR I'M BLOWING THE PLACE UP

Is the most underappreciated blogger: @catdadeddie just because she deals with SO much crap in her inbox and I feel like people should appreciate her patience more

Is most likely to be kinkshamed: *tosses hair* me. :3 okay okay seriously, maybe @evcndiaz?

Knows you best: @captainofthefallen @devilsbrokerank @extasiswings although @mistmarauder is coming around the turn and gaining down the stretch

Is most likely to delete their blog in a rage: @catdadeddie seriously how she hasn't rage quit yet with the nonsense she sees, I don't know

Changes their url most often: LUCKILY I HAVE SANE FRIENDS WHO DO NOT TORTURE ME WITH SUCH THINGS actually @evcndiaz does it occasionally

Is everyone’s favorite mutual: @mistmarauder everyone wuvs her

Is most likely to become Tumblr famous: I actually do have some tumblr-famous mutuals but I'm not gonna tag them since they obviously get enough annoying attention already. You know who you are, I still can't believe you think I'm cool enough to talk to.

Is most likely to win The Hunger Games: @givemeunicorns are you fucking kidding me? hands down. she grew up in the middle of nowhere and currently works in the woods. she handles snakes with her bare hands. she'll survive whatever the arena throws at her AND kick your ass

Is most likely to marry their Tumblr crush: I actually don't really feel like any of my friends or mutuals are the type for that.

Would call you to bail them out of jail: @devilsbrokerank and they wouldn't even remember how they got in there

Has the longest block list: @extasiswings lmao or maybe @eddiediass IDK I just get a Vibe

Is most likely to strive for world domination: someday @extasiswings or @catdadeddie is gonna snap and decide they can do it better themselves

Is most likely to survive the zombie apocalypse: @givemeunicorns she's the butch leading the remnants of civilization

Has the strongest food opinions: @mistmarauder although if you asked her she'd say she has the "correct" food opinions

Is most likely to keep a plant alive: I do not trust any of these people with a plant. okay maybe @givemeunicorns since it's kinda her job.

Is most likely to share their fries with you: @tulipfromtheinternet or @captainofthefallen (grudgingly)

Doesn’t return their library books on time: @devilsbrokerank HEY RETURN YOUR BOOKS

This was difficult to do since I don't really talk to a lot of people on here, so sorry for tagging some of you multiple times, ha ha.

[greenapple4loko]

got tagged by @sohelpmegod to do this in like the fucking mesozoic era <3 but just now was able to lmao

1. are you named after anyone?

an inside joke and a video game character respectively

2. when was the last time you cried?

i think im on month seven or eight of my not crying streak

3. do you have kids?

hell the fuck nah!

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

if archery counts i used to do that, if it doesn't than absolutely none lol (i was a nerd w no friends until high school. read so many terrible books tho)

5. what is the first thing you notice about someone?

their car; if n/a then how they talk

6. eye color

driver's license says green and a classmate called me Loki the other day so probably that

7. any talents?

i was nominated for a creative writing award a couple yrs ago at a community college and i'm pretty good at finding bones

8. scary movies or happy endings

scary movies 100%

9. hobbies

writing and drawing when i have time (longest WIP has 50k words but i decided 2 rewrite it lmao), also collecting model cars like a loser lol (fav diecasts i have are the wrx sti, 1978 firebird, mustang, challenger demon, and a bmw m2)

10. pets

3 cats, hopefully no more

11. height

not enough

12. favorite school subject

math and human biology are tied for no.1

13. dream job

the pipe dreams are medical lab science or biomedical research, but there's only one approved med lab tech/science program in my state and no way im getting a grad degree (who tf has that money??). atp i'm gunning for chemical tech or similar in the pharm industry or sterile compounding

not gonna tag ppl but if anyone wants 2 do it then pretend i did! sharing personal information on the internet is so fun everyone who sees this should do it too

[jimothystu]

Top Ten Fic Game! share your top [10*] fics by Kudos! drop the links so people can read them! bonus: do you agree or disagree with the readers on these being in your top 10? tag some homies who might want to do it too!

thank you @milf-arteta!!

10 better than in my dreams [cole caufield/nick suzuki]

agree/disagree?

this is one of my personal favourites, so i'd say i agree that it's one of my better ones. though i feel like more of my recent ones are better in general re the writing style, the plot, etc.

9 later [juraj slafkovsky/arber xhekaj]

agree/disagree?

oh yes. this was my first xhekovsky fic and i fucking love it lmao. it was so much fun to write and also @donttelltheelff helped me with it so that made it extra fun. idk i also just enjoyed the like, not quite edging but the teasing of them almost getting time to be alone together but things keep coming up. but they do, eventually, get their alone time in the second chapter lmao.

8 you're my instinct [auston matthews/mitch marner]

agree/disagree?

meh. this was one of my first hockey rpfs i think, and maybe the first one i wrote for 1634 so i don't feel like it's my best work.

7 they're not glass slippers but they're close enough [tim stutzle/brady tkachuk]

agree/disagree?

i love me some crack mixed with more serious stuff, and this has pretty much everything - crack/fun, smut, and fluff. i also just find the idea (shoutout to @may-the-puck-be-with-you) to be hilarious - timmy seducing brady with crocs lmfao.

6 the bitterness upon your lips [juraj slafkovsky/arber xhekaj]

agree/disagree?

i am a sucker for angst. writing and reading, and i also like how i was able to have various hab players in it, not just slaf and arber. and it was fun to play with the jordy/arber roommate thing a bit!!

5 paper thin walls [auston matthews/mitch marner]

agree/disagree? neutral

i liked the idea i had for it (4 times auston heard mitch through the walls + 1 time he joined him) and it was fun to write for the most part, but idk reading it now i'm not super proud of the way it was written ig, or i feel like i should've added more maybe

4 the secret truth off your numb lips [tim stutzle/brady tkachuk] ignore the title similarity to number 6 i named it without remembering and then just couldn't think of anything better

agree/disagree? neutral

this originally went down a different path and was going to be pretty angsty, but i changed the second half of it and while i do like how it turned out and i liked writing it etc etc part of me still wishes i had finished the angst part. but i did save the angst i'd written so i'll probably write a different fic around it

3 don't break the dam or you might drown in the current [tim stutzle/brady tkachuk]

agree/disagree

this fic. this 12k fic. this is one of my favourite fics i've written. it was very self indulgent and i 1000% projected onto brady so that in and of itself was therapeutic lol. but i'm also just really proud of how i wrote the emotions and how i conveyed everything. and how i was able to write so much!! it's the longest fic i've written to date

2 intoxicated [tim stutzle/brady tkachuk]

agree/disagree

hell yeah i love this fic. writing it was so much fun and i do go back and read it (bc if i don't want to read my own work then why bother writing it). it was just some dumb idea i had one night while trying to get to sleep and it turned into a crack/fluff piece that i enjoy a lot

1 je t'aime [thomas chabot/josh norris]

agree/disagree

okay this is also one of my favourite fics i've written. chabby and josh grabbed me by the throat and i just had to write something about them. i'm actually shocked and really happy that this is my top fic because i didn't think there'd be that many people who'd want to read about this rare pair! but i love it, and i am tempted to make a part 2 at some point!

tagging @saintknightcowboys and any other writers who'd like to do this!!

[cafecitowriter]

I posted 2,022 times in 2022

39 posts created (2%)

1,983 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wedonttradelives

@theawkwardterrier

@laviejaguardia

@doctorhelena

@captainjimothycarter

I tagged 1,015 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#steggy - 320 posts

#peggy carter - 79 posts

#adorable - 56 posts

#steve rogers - 54 posts

#i love this - 49 posts

#star wars - 39 posts

#lmao - 36 posts

#i love them - 34 posts

#eternals - 31 posts

#eternals spoilers - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i literally had to block someone who drew aos fanart because they made may daisy and elena look as white as jemma in everything they made

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

mi pedazo de sol

Summary: Sarah Carter-Rogers tries to keep her chin up as she returns back home to celebrate her parents' 25th wedding anniversary in the wake of her own personal turmoil.

A/N: Written for Steggy Week 2022 Day 5: Domestic Bliss, featuring family in all its forms, with a focus on one of Steve and Peggy's kids in particular.

While this work is part of the Stars' Verse, this can be read as a standalone story. All you need to know it's an alternate branch universe post-Endgame where Steve and Peggy had three children: Sarah, Isabel, and Nathaniel, who all inherited some of Steve's enhancements to varying extents.

Title taken from Tacones Rojos by Sebastián Yatra. It means "my piece of sun".

Shout out to @steggyfanevents for hosting this event!

Read on AO3

Preview:

Steve walked into the bedroom after having brushed his teeth and washed his face, smiling at the sight on the bed. Peggy was dressed in one of his pyjama shirts (the worn out blue checkered one) and held a book in her hand that she was ignoring in favour of pursing her lips at an undetermined point just above their shared dresser.

“So… not a fan of Carrie?” Steve joked lightly as he approached the bed. He knew Peggy well enough to know that startling her - no matter how unwittingly - could be dangerous.

“Mm?” Peggy hummed, looking up at him before her eyes flicked to the book in her hand. “Oh, actually I’m afraid I haven’t started reading it yet.”

“That bad, huh?”

Peggy lightly smacked his chest as he settled into bed beside her, but shuffled over regardless, discarding the book carelessly on her nightstand in favour of curling up against him.

“I was just thinking about this weekend, our anniversary dinner.”

“Should I be worried that after 25 years you’re thinking this hard about our anniversary?”

“Only if you keep trying to be funny,” she quipped.

26 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

#4

Just One Thing (Chapter 8/8)

Chapter Title: All I want for Christmas

Chapter Summary: Peggy gets her wish (again). This time, she knows exactly what she needs to do.

Fic Summary: 16 year old Peggy Carter hates change. Change has only ever caused her trouble and made life harder. Which is why when one day, her best friend Steve confesses something that has the potential to change their dynamic forever, she makes a wish that she hopes will help her solve everything.

Because adults have everything figured out... Right?

A holiday version of 13 Going on 30 (more like 16 going on 36) Steggy Secret Santa ( @steggyfanevents​ ) present for @thesokovianaccords​. Inspired by the movie and this iconic AU gifset by @beautifulwhensarcastic

A/N: This ridiculously long final chapter/epilogue is brought to you by me not having any self-restraint whatsoever in terms of picking which scenes to keep and which to leave out, so consider this a director's cut-esque chapter. This was written with a lot of love for a super awesome person. Many thanks to Darcy for catching my mistakes and consistency errors.

Finally, Livia, happy belated holidays, and I really hope you've enjoyed this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

Read Chapter 8 here

Read from the beginning on AO3

Chapter Preview:

December 2001

“And well… you’re my true north, Peggy.”

Peggy’s hands froze. Her hands, that were slimmer and smaller and that had glitter nail polish on her fingernails, not bright red. She slowly looked up from the compass. It was nighttime, but she was no longer on aunt Lizzy’s couch. She was outside, close to the football field of Midwood high school.

And Steve was here, right in front of her. But he wasn’t 6 feet tall with broad shoulders and he certainly didn’t have a beard. He was 16 again, wearing his blue suit and nervous smile. Looking just like he did when he…

“Steve what… what are you saying?” she whispered.

He took a deep breath, and brought his hands out of his pockets just for him to stuff them back in again.

“I love you, Peggy.” Steve confessed, his voice shaking slightly.

“What?” she breathed out.

“I love you,” he repeated. “I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you since you punched Hodge on the first day of the first grade for picking on me.”

His words made Peggy want to cry tears of joy. She was back. It really worked and she was 16 again. This was her second chance. Slowly, her mouth grew into a large grin.

“Steve!” she squealed, tackling him into a huge hug.

Unfortunately for both of them, Peggy momentarily forgot that Steve no longer had the strength of giant muscles to support them both, especially since she caught him by surprise. The force of her hug had knocked Steve backwards, taking her along with him. They landed with a collective grunt, Peggy trying to readjust herself so she was hovering over Steve instead of crushing him beneath her.

“Ow,” he groaned, furrowing his eyebrows in pain.

“Sorry,” she said, looking down at him with a large smile.

“So is this your way of telling me I ruined everything or…?”

33 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

#3

in silent screams and wildest dreams

Summary: Steve Rogers has been plagued by nightmares of death his entire life; his father’s and his mother’s, most of the time his own. Visions of blood and war and illness are the most prominent things in his life when he closes his eyes. At night he regularly dances with the Grim Reaper when she appears, flirting with countless outcomes of how his own demise will occur night after night.

Until he joins the army and meets Agent Carter.

Written for Steggy Week Day 2: Favourite Era, inspired by this ask from @thesokovianaccords and my love of war-time era Steggy.

Shout out to @steggyfanevents for hosting this event!

Read on AO3

Preview:

Steve has been plagued by nightmares his entire life.

The night terrors began during his toddler years, and never left him as he got older. At first, the only part of his dreams that followed him into consciousness was a strong burning sensation in his eyes and on his skin, as though his entire body was on fire. Steve would wake up night after night shaking and gasping for air, never knowing the reason why. As he grew up, he was finally able to remember the images that haunted him ceaselessly.

It was visions of his father, who had died of mustard gas before Steve was even born. In these dreams Steve never heard a sound but he could smell the gas, see his father’s face as he inhaled the poisonous fumes.

Steve never told his ma the details of what he saw. She had enough to worry about without being concerned that Steve was having visions of his father’s death every night. He got better at hiding the fact that he was still having these nightmares - just enough that his ma thought that he finally grew out of them.

He kept a book under his pillow filled with sketches that he drew every morning when he woke up, trying to make sense of it all. Maybe if he understood them, they would stop.

But they never did.

36 notes - Posted July 25, 2022

#2

STEGGY FANFIC READING CHALLENGE - COMPLETE

1.1 - Fluff

Comforts of Home by @teaandatale

Quiet moments caring for each other at home are one of the luxuries that Steve and Peggy treasure as they move into a life together.

This is one of the softest fics I’ve read and I adore it

~

1.2 - Reread an Old Favourite

S’Wonderful, S’Marvelous by @teaandatale​

Peggy’s been dreading her company’s weeklong business retreat at an upstate ski lodge until she makes an unexpected acquaintance.

I don’t know what to say other than despite the fact that I don’t tend to read winter/Christmas fics outside of November-February, I reread this one at least three times a year and it never fails to bring me comfort even if it is the dead of summer

~

1.3 - Captain America Adventure Hour

That Swell Liberty Gal Carrying A Torch For You by Redrikki

Angie was sure that skinny Steve had been a real swell guy, but there was no way he'd been good enough for her Peggy.

A series of conversations makes her change her mind.

I am a huge fan of any fics where Angie realizes who Peggy’s lost soldier is, and this one is no exception

~

1.4 - Trauma

I knew nothing but shadows by @beautifulwhensarcastic

Children of Thanos aren't meant to care for the life they had before Father took them in. Neither Nomad nor Margaret remember much of Terra for it to matter anyway, or to feel any kind of connection between them. Truthfully, they'd sooner cut the other's throat than bond.

Nothing says trauma like being a child of Thanos. Justine layers the trauma - and subsequent healing - in a beautiful way. Featuring enemies to lovers

~

1.5 - Cohabitation

Someone to watch over me by rachellovesligers

Steve tries to distract himself while Peggy's on a mission, but he's there to take care of her when she returns.

Technically Steve and Peggy aren’t living together, but they’re at each other’s apartments enough that they may as well be

~

2.1 - Double Steve or Peggy

like the way you burn by @formerlyir / irony_rocks

Soulmate mark AU. Peggy thinks about the mark, the compass. She thinks about the providence behind its appearance alongside Project Rebirth. It's only the beginning to a series of events destined to change her life and the fate of the future.

See the full post

47 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Right Partner - Steggy Netflix Series

See the full post

221 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[navs-bhat]

I posted 2,735 times in 2022

That's 1,090 more posts than 2021!

6 posts created (0%)

2,729 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@robiinbuckley

@foreverindreamlandd

@darling-i-read-it

@itstheghostofmypast

@youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms

I tagged 42 of my posts in 2022

#marvel - 7 posts

#bucky x reader - 5 posts

#sebastian stan - 5 posts

#mcu - 5 posts

#bucky - 4 posts

#bucky barnes - 4 posts

#marvel fic - 3 posts

#bridgerton - 3 posts

#anthony bridgerton x reader - 3 posts

#anthony bridgerton - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 95 characters

#no offense but literally hes just a man hes not a hero hes just a man who had to sing this song

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

11 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#4

Okay so I was reading this enemies to lovers bucky barnes one shot and well my phone switched off and I've lost it

So basically it goes like Tony and Steve send the reader and bucky for some time to Tony's winter cabin and well there's not enough food there and one bed and the couch dissapears and the rules are they can't say no

So bucky makes the reader call the pizza place but the reader tells him they'll only do it if he excepts that the last mission was his fault and then since he says that won't ever happen

The reader tells him to call the pizza place

"I want a cheezy pizza with extra cheese"

"Shut up"

Help me find it ahhh

11 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

#3

Student Of The Year Rewatch Thoughts? Idk reallly know what this is yet lmao

I hope this reaches my target audience

Firstly, it's been too long since I've rewatched this I used to watch it whenever it came on tv and I'd find it while surfing

Secondly, I still enjoy this movie I think lmao

Let's see

-okay so to start with the kukkad song

-I never realised that the lyric says " ainu vekhe de munde to kehnde Oh My God" I always thought it was kudiye both times

-kinda gay tbh jk jk

-Abhi is in the wrong tbh like this guy is parking a bike in a car park and then is like who said this is an entitled rich boy's parking LIKE WHY ITS A CAR PARK NOT A BIKE PARK

I STILL DONT KNOW HOW I HADN'T REALISED IT TILL NOW

-then he goes and ruins a beautiful Ferrari😭

-one big question I have is how can Abhi even have thee audacity to get into physical fights with rich boy on what seems to be his first day

-this man is here on a scholarship he can't afford to do all this on his first day bro

-I always loved Siddharth Malhotra more than Varun Dhawan while there were many dying over varun

-I remember the whole thing was just as big as Team Edward or Team Jacob here okay

-Rohan is too mean too Jeet

-ALSO why was even Shanaya still with Rohan like according to her first few lines he definately has a habit of flirting with other girls while he calls her his girlfriend LIKE GIRL YOU COULD DO BETTER

-Rohan's dad and brother are too mean yikes

-no wonder rohan hates his dad the way he does

-why is the dean so weirdly gay its too funny but at the same time CRINGE

-it's sad to see Rishi Kapoor now :(

-all the parents are so weird

-THE WHOLE CONVO ABOUT PUSHUP BRA AND FLIRTY DMS BETWEEN TANYA AND HER MOTHER DBCBFUFBGUEFGHFOIUHKEFJBSJK

-SHE SUGGESTS SURGERY?????!?!?!?!?

-Sumo is so sweet actually

-Dean massaging the coach 😭😭😭

-DID BOMAN IRANI JUST SPANK RISHI KAPOOR IN THE FLASHBACK SCENE WHAT IS HAPPENINGCJNUDKBKJ

-hes so gay its gay

-BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING

-TOO BIG FAT MAN

See the full post

30 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

#2

HI

I lost this fic I was reading

Help

It was basically an Anthony Bridgerton x reader and the first half was just reader chatting with Colin Benedict and Eloise where Colin pulls the readers leg about being unmarried and the reader snips back and takes Eloise's hand

Uh she has a gossipy mother

The reader and Anthony share this passionate look and the reader goes to the lemonade stand to look around and spot Anthony but she doesn't find him instead this other guy I forgot his name shows up and starts talking to her she decides to ask him about his trip to Italy to keep him talking while she ignores him

Eventually Anthony takes her away from tha guy and they are in the garden and he's jealous and she teases him by asking him why he hasn't kissed her yet

AND THATS ALL I READ BEFORE TUMBLR RANDOMLY REFRESHED

SO HELP

40 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay so I went to the page cause someone said they missed the book sucking scene and others said thank god its not there

Bur anyway the whole kate having a horseback accident reminds me of this one x reader fanfiction I read here

It was the same basic plot but the reader and Anthony were married and she was going to look for Anthony himself

I'm assuming it was inspired by the books but I love this

60 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[orowyrm]

brooo do you have a laz lore master post i wanna see more about this guy . blorbo from my person i follow on tumblr

waaa im so glad u like him!!!!!! his lore is kinda.....scattered all over unfortunately hdsjnkfdjkfn im very unorganized. the main big posts that ive made about him in recent memory that i havent accidentally retconned are here (eternalism bullshit and how the his drifter and operator selves tie into the version we know and love) here (answering a bunch of questions about him) aaaaaaaaaand here (explaining a little bit about how his oculus and void echolocation works)

his tag is kinda sparsely populated cuz a lot of his character building has been happening behind the scenes and i havent shared much due to being forgetful as hell and for the longest time sorta just assuming nobody cared about him but me lmao BUT i can give you a rundown of everything ive got so far: (it's gonna be long, sorry in advance)

on the zariman, he was separated from the other kids and ended up hiding in a ventilation shaft to avoid the adults. he hid so well, in fact, that the orokin actually almost missed him entirely and nearly left him there when they were collecting the tenno after the void jump. he was so paralyzed by fear and pain that at first, they had assumed he was a corpse, and only realized otherwise when he freaked the hell out and blew a massive hole through the poor bastard they sent to go drag him out of the vents.

in the aftermath of the zariman and for most of the old war, he was sort of just... squirreled away and treated more like a feral animal than a kid. he was jumpy and uncooperative, his connection to the void was strong enough that he could do some serious damage when startled, and he didn't remember most of his life before the zariman incident at all, so he was difficult to reason with and in their eyes a waste of time. he didn't even remember his own name, so they called him 'Lazarus' as a reference to the fact that he was assumed to be dead when first recovered, and seemed to be pretty good at surviving against the odds. eventually he just accepted this as his name.

im not entirely sure if margulis knew about him or not... i feel as though she would want to help him, but he probably wouldn't trust her one bit. ive been tempted to go all in and say he couldve been the tenno who accidentally blinded her, which would lend credence to why the orokin felt the need to isolate him so thoroughly from everyone else, but i dont know if im gonna commit to that. as far as being a 'weaponized' tenno, he was treated as sort of a last resort.

he only had the one frame during the old war - he was paired off with a particularly uncooperative umbral ash that they weren't sure would even be able to be 'controlled', but despite most of the handlers assuming theyd tear eachother to shreds, they ended up sharing a really close bond. This ash is his primary frame, Styx! styx is like a father to him, really. they only ever had eachother for a very very long time.

he only ever saw combat once before the war ended. the orokin were getting desperate, and threw pretty much everyone they had at a particular area-- including laz. he had no idea what to do with himself, but he was suddenly outside of his 'room' (more of a holding cell, to be frank) for the first time in years, so he did what any sensible scared kid would do-- he ran for his fucking life. before his handlers realized where he'd gone and tried to interrupt his transference to his frame, he transferred out of his chair completely and essentially escaped for good. they assumed he wouldnt survive on his own and marked it down as a loss, but he was ultimately forgotten. one less little void demon to deal with, really.

he ran for a long time, just sorta trying to get as far away from anything and everything orokin as he possibly could, but too afraid of being recaptured to dare trust anyone he met along the way. at some point before the end of the war, he had a run-in with a lone sentient that cornered him, and he had no choice but to try and defend himself.

he lost this fight. the sentient very much killed him, but in his final moments, all of the void energy trapped inside his body was released like a bomb going off, which killed the sentient pretty much instantly. the implosion also created a weird little pocket void of sorts that pulled in his body and the bits and pieces of the sentient that were left behind. slowly, over the years, the void pieced him back together, replacing whatever was destroyed with pieces of sentient technology, essentially creating the first amalgam.

the entire time laz was in his void coma, styx was helpless to retrieve him. he knew he wasn't gone - he could still feel his presence - but he couldn't get through to him.... so he waited. and waited. and waited some more. eventually, the ruined old building they'd been in all but collapsed, plants began to grow through the foundation, his joints began to rust and his blades tarnished. grineer and corpus and infested alike discovered the place over the years and all were promptly slaughtered in fits of protective rage. by the time another tenno stumbled across his resting place, the old war was ancient history, and the lotus had already located and awakened most of her children-- but laz had never had a chance to form that connection with her. he barely knew margulis, let alone natah.

the tenno who eventually found him and woke him up was none other than @helmofhades' specialest boy Rigel! they have a very special relationship. i love them both deeply. by the time rigel had found him, he'd been mostly put back together-- but the somatic scars on his face had progressed to the point where his eyes were damaged beyond repair. rigel and the other tenno who eventually made up their little clan helped him get back on his feet and adjust to this strange new world he found himself in.

laz and rigel are basically married if it wasnt obvious already. they are boy best friends <3

he went through the main story quest more or less the same as happens in the game, although he never really had a very close connection with the lotus and was more wary of her and confused by her for than anything for a very long time-- at least until the new war, anyway

the drifter and the operator are two separate entities - but there's also a third, completely separate laz who is basically a conglomerate of all of his alternate selves. i call this special third guy 'laz prime' to make life easier for myself, but neither of them are any more 'real' than the others.

operator laz is him but in babymode. nothing much else to that. hes just a little guy, and its his birthday, hes a little birthday boy!!!

drifter laz i uh... kinda havent touched on much. im waiting for duviri to drop so i can really get into the nitty gritty of all the time loop bullshit. hes kinda a bitter asshole though. not that i blame him.

laz prime is the funny guy i post about so much!!!! after the cutscene in the new war where the drifter and operator meet, neither of those two actually LEAVE that dormizone, at least not in the version of reality we see-- their meeting causes laz prime to just sorta... start existing! he remembers being both of them, although only vaguely. it's him who finishes the quest, and it's him who eventually returns to the zariman for the angels update and all that fun stuff. im sure driftlaz and oplaz are still out there, doing their own thing, but i havent the slightest clue what that may be.

laz prime is more severely amalgamated than either of his counterparts-- while theyve got the horns, hooves, and claws, laz prime takes it up a notch with an extra set of arms and a tail! he's also absurdly huge.

he has a cane to help with the mobility issues caused by having to balance on those teeny tiny itty bitty stick legs-- it's actually a little sentient! he calls it a mobilyst. it's his little buddy. i really like it

laz prime can't really use amps in the traditional way, considering his sentient parts react very poorly to large concentrations of void energy. he pieces together makeshift weapons with cores and fragments he scavenges from other sentients or amalgams that he kills to make up for it. he can also breathe void-fire, but he doesn't do that very often because it singes his scruffy little beard :( love loses

his lack of ability to effectively channel amps makes him VERRRY very interested in traditional weaponry. he's especially fond of incarnons-- JUST because theyre cool weapons. no other reason. none at all. unrelated, but do you think cavalero likes men? asking for a friend.

[adrianicsea]

I’m curious, how do you stay motivated with writing? I always want to do more but I get stuck in cycles of thinking it’s not good enough, is there a way to break through that?

hello there!! sorry it took me a bit to get to this, i’ve had a busy few days 😅

as for staying motivated, there’s a lot of things that go into that for me!! some of them are:

personal pride/desire: SWG is the longest and most ambitious thing i’ve written to date, and in many ways i treat it as a “training exercise” to learn how to plan/structure/execute a longform mystery story. i figure, if i can learn the technique that goes into writing a mystery with a premade setting/characters, then it’ll be easier to write a totally original one from scratch the next time (i’ve always wanted to write original stuff!) with all of that said, i feel motivated to keep working on it because well, i’ve made it this far, and i’ve learned a lot along the way!

outlining: i never used to outline anything i wrote for fun, and i think that’s part of the reason i have so many unfinished projects in my wake. i always used to think of these cool MOMENTS i wanted to write, but then i had trouble figuring out how to connect those moments in a way that felt good and made sense. outlining helps with that, and it gives you a “road map!” it’s much easier to follow an outline and flesh out the scenes as you go than it is to pull totally from your head and “make it up along the way,” so to speak.

friends: having people you can talk about and share your writing with is SOOOOO important!!! if they also write, you can hype each other up or offer advice/feedback on each other’s work— and non-writers have JUST as much insight to offer! sometimes even more so, because they’re not necessarily looking at something the same way a writer would. it’s just fun to swap ideas and get each other excited!

engagement/social media interest: i hate to be cynical but i also don’t want to bullshit you; the idea of updating swg regularly to keep it on the first page of the ao3 tags IS something that i think about. love it or hate it, we’re living in The Age Of Social Media, and there IS an adrenaline rush when Numbers Go Up. and this isn’t JUST about numbers— when i think about or discuss the attention SWG has gotten, i don’t really think about the raw numbers, i think about how many wonderful comments i’ve gotten, and how many people i’ve gotten to know because of it, either new friends or starting to talk more with people i’ve known and been mutuals with for ages. that being said, concerning yourself with how many hits or kudos you’re going to get, or stressing about your work falling back to page 2 or 3 on the archive, is uh. NOT a good or healthy motivator at all. ideally, writing is something that we do for fun, and if you’re only writing to meet a deadline or to keep your work relevant, the likelihood of you having fun while doing it NOSEDIVES. swg USED to update weekly, and the reason that it no longer does is because i realized that pace was taking a toll on other aspects of my life, and nothing is worth that, especially not a saw fanfiction that i’m not being paid to work on LMAO.

taking breaks/resting/doing other things: tying into what i just said— breaks are good for you! i am CONSTANTLY terrified of losing interest/momentum in stuff that i’m working on, but after i started outlining, i’ve found it much easier to step away from something when needed and trust that i can come back to it and pick up again later. and you just can’t write all the time! if you like reading, reading is great “productive” downtime— you can read an author or genre that you admire and make note of the techniques and conventions you see there, or you can read something totally out of your wheelhouse just to see what goes on in different genres. of course, you don’t have to be “productive” in your downtime at all! reading for recreation is just as soothing and important, and so are any other hobbies or interests you have. i’ve really enjoyed spending time walking in the park and tending to my garden this summer, for example. i think there’s a cultural tendency to view writing as What We Are; the arts are so mystified and elevated and treated as beyond the regular person, that if you write, you’re treated as A Writer, for better or (more commonly) for worse. it’s done wonders for me to reconsider that idea, and i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m NOT A Writer, but writing is something that i DO. that is, i enjoy it, my life is happier with writing in it, but i will not shrivel up and cease to be if i can’t or don’t want to write for a bit. and i know that that’s nebulous and vague and can be SOOOO much easier said than done but honestly? more than anything else i’ve said here, i think that’s the best motivation there is. because once you demystify writing, once you stop seeing it as a divine arcane gift and start seeing it like an activity or skill the same as cooking or sweeping or watching the sunset, it becomes SO much easier and more fun to write— and to be graceful with yourself when you aren’t writing.

a final point because i’m aware this got wildly out of hand— writing anything is good! because it IS scary! but like, you created something where there was nothing before. that’s worth celebrating! and once the first Something is there on the page, you can always come back to it and polish it up, or ask for a second opinion. but what you CAN’T do is share the perfect version of the story that exists solely in your mind with other people. i just reblogged a writing advice/craft article that really helped me unlearn that fear of being good enough— shitty first drafts, by anne lamont. here’s a permalink to my post of it, as well! i recommend this article to anyone and everyone who’s getting into writing or wants to get more serious about it, because i think it treats the issue with SUCH understanding and accessibility.

OKAY god i’m sorry this got so long but writing is something that i’m SO passionate about and i’m always happy to talk about it with other people. please let me know if you have any other questions or anything, or if you’d like me to elaborate on anything i’ve said here!