#MLVSM

[amandayuebing]

Photos from the time my husband and I explored a beach, and found out the only way onto the pier was to climb over a dangerous fence. We decided we weren't feeling that adventurous.

[amandayuebing]

Our Tea Ceremonies

The tea ceremony is a very touching tradition where we pay respects and thanks to our parents for raising us, and also introducing our spouse to each other's families as an official member of the family, by serving them tea. During this tradition, we teach each other to use the correct titles for the seniors in our family and begin calling each other's parents "mum" and "dad".

(Oh, speaking of new titles, if anyone's wondering whether I decide to take my husband's surname, yes, I did. But I also decided to retain my own.)

Due to Covid, we didn't end up serving tea to all of each other's family members; instead, we only served tea to our parents, my oldest uncle and aunty, and a couple of Tony's family friends, since the rest of his family members weren't able to attend due to the border restrictions.

Despite it being a smaller event than usual, it was so special 🥺❤️.

To be honest, I was feeling nervous the morning of my wedding because the days following up to the wedding, Dad had been quite emotional about letting go of his little girl.

Even though he had always adored Tony, suddenly the week before the wedding, he was very moody and everything anyone did ticked him off (even when we weren't even in the same room)... No one could blame him though, as he's been recovering from a cerebral injury (the stroke he had in the middle of the year).

But come to the tea ceremony, he smiled the biggest genuine smile after Tony kissed him on the cheek (egged on by my aunties). That moment actually made me cry...

(Thankfully after the wedding, Dad has gone back to his normal love for Tony; he loves Tony like his own son and even said so himself, "when these two got married, I gained a son.")

It's still such a shame no one captured the kiss Tony gave Dad on the cheek because that moment was so priceless. But we still managed to capture a lot of special moments.

We didn't have a videographer at the tea ceremonies as we didn't want to make Dad uncomfortable, as his speech is still slow after the stroke and we didn't want it to stress him out.

Once we were done with my side's tea ceremony we caught our wedding car to attend the Liu side's tea ceremony, which was another emotional moment. It made me happy seeing how happy Tony's parents were.

At our tea ceremonies, my mum gifted me a traditional Laotian handmade necklace that day, and Tony's mum gifted me a jade bracelet. Both pieces of jewellery are extremely precious and valuable; one to remind me of my roots and one which is treaured for its protective properties and was given to me to protect me from harm and keep me healthy.

Our tea ceremonies felt so special because they marked the moments we officially became family to each other.

(Also, thankfully my cousins did a good job decorating our apartment as the decorations are still hanging as we're not supposed to take them down until they fall off themeselves, and there's no sign they'll be doing that any time soon...)

[amandayuebing]

Things I found in my backyard today:

🍀 A four-leaf clover

🌶🦜 Pretty birds that like eating Dad's chillies

Four-leaf clovers bring a lot of sweet and happy memories because they remind me of the times Dad would bring them to me daily in my HSC year because I told him (once) they brought good luck. (I have no idea how he found so many, as I've tried to find them many times in our garden and very rarely I find one 🤷🏻‍♀️.)

I found out later, after I got into my course, that in his heart he didn't want me to follow the career path I had chosen because he was worried about my work-life balance. But he trusted me to make the right decision for myself. I'm glad my dad has that kind of faith in me ☺️

[amandayuebing]

She usually sleeps peacefully under her favourite bush, but today she came out and befriended me 🥰✨ (btw she meowed at me first, so I thought it'd be rude if I didn't reply 😂)

[amandayuebing]

Silver linings and blessings in disguise

It's been a challenging time juggling Dad's recent health problems in the middle of a pandemic, as well as with a wedding planned around the corner.

Dad's stroke happened on a Thursday morning, 3 weeks ago.

I wasn't able to go into the ER with him, despite his memory loss and problems with speech, as there was a strict "no visitors allowed" rule due to Covid. I anxiously waited from home, for phone calls from his doctors to ask me questions about his history and condition, and to provide me updates.

At the same time, I had my phone blowing up that day (and for days afterwards) from phone calls from relatives. Word spread fast, they wanted to confirm what had happened and were there to try and give their support from afar.

After hours of waiting, I received a phone call to confirm the CT scan they did for him didn't show signs of a stroke; the doctors told us it might have been a "mini-stroke" ; not a full stroke, but an early warning sign one was on the way. But that didn't mean he hadn't had a stroke. Whilst a CT scan was a good indicator of whether or not a stroke had occurred, an MRI would create a clearer image of his brain to confirm this.

The hospital was so busy, he was discharged on the very same day. I was told to make a booking with his GP to receive a referral for an MRI with clearer imaging of his brain, so we could confirm it wasn't a stroke.

By the time he had been discharged, it was already past 5pm and he was tired, scared, and irritable, and just wanting rest at home. I called many GPs the first thing, the next morning, and a lot of them were booked out, not seeing new patients or told me, "why aren't you taking him to the hospital if you think he's had a stroke?!" 🙄🙄🙄...

Finally, when I got him an appointment, it was late in the afternoon (on a Friday), and I wasn't able to make an MRI appointment for him until Monday morning when they confirmed he had indeed had a stroke.

He's been recovering well since, and it's been taking a while for his neurologist, occupational therapist, speech therapist and physiotherapist to be available, but I understand everyone's doing what they can at this time. Things were a lot harder when Dad first had his stroke, especially because stress would trigger temporary memory loss and speech issues, but thankfully things are slowly getting better.

In some ways, this difficult time has brought many blessings in disguise.

Dad's stroke has also forced me to reprioritise some things in life, and reinforce existing ones.

Whilst any type of stroke is serious, we're thankful that the stroke Dad had was relatively small, and he'll be able to make a full recovery. We're taking it from the perspective that this was a warning to him, that he needs to take better care of his health, and a reminder to us to treasure life and our loved ones.

(Thankfully) all the phone calls have slowed down, but I'm still thankful for every single phone call and message I received reaching out to us.

We've been a lot healthier at home, and recently celebrated a special occasion with this melon "cake" that wasn't a cake at all 😂❤:

Whilst previously, I was more anxious about not wanting to upsetting people (even if I didn't particularly like them), taking care of myself (so I can also, in turn, take better care of my family) has been my main priority.

I blocked out a lot of the noise in my life which I realised was making me unhappy, and since then, I've learnt the benefits of not giving energy to people and things who drain my energy. I've gotten a lot better at saying "no", even if it's just to myself.

Whilst family time has always been important, we prioritise it even more now, to show each other throughout the day we care about each other.

Whilst obviously the pandemic and lockdowns are not a positive thing, the silver lining is how we get to spend even more family time together. We've been watching movies and Chinese dramas together and recently found two really good ones we enjoyed/are enjoying; "A Rational Life", and "A Thousand Goodnights".

Also, we still have a lot to look forward to, such as our wedding celebration with friends and family, and Tony and me moving into our new home. The planning has been stressful at times, but at the same time, I also feel warm and fuzzy knowing we'll have our very own family home together soon. I know Dad is also very proud of me for finding someone who will take care of me like Tony, and that we're finally getting married.

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 75: A sign?

Did anyone else watch the super blood full moon lunar eclipse tonight? How cool was it?!

(Also, I'm kind of questioning the point of these chapter numbers, considering the non-linear way I'm telling my story lately, but... I don't know. I've made it such a habit, I'm also hesitant to let go of it. I'll keep it the way it is for now.)

But yes, I've been met with very interesting coincidences very recently, involving people popping up from my past.

My mysteriously reappearing friend

One of my Japanese friends who I haven't been able to reach for over 2 years suddenly reached out to me last Sunday! It was such a pleasant surprise!

None of my other friends in Sydney had been able to reach her during that time either. (In fact, they were asking me if I'd been able to reach her before I lost contact with her, so I must have been one of the last people in Sydney she'd kept in touch with.)

She told me she had thought of me while making macarons, which is such a sweet thing to associate me with! (No pun intended!) But it's so cute she remembers I was the one who taught her how to make macarons when she was living in Sydney.

She gave me her Instagram too, and I was surprised to find out that despite her popularity (she had sooo many friends when she was here in Sydney!) she's only following 27 people; me being one of them.

Mrs Mee Nyiao

When I was a toddler, my absolute favourite food was noodles from a bustling mum and pop noodle shop in Cabramatta.

I didn't know how to say "noodles" (mian tiao) in Chinese, so in my own baby vocabulary I'd call them "mee nyiao". My dad knew what I meant, and I would ask to go there almost everyday. We'd go there at least three days a week.

Dad said the noodles were so good, and the business was doing so well that if it were around today, another noodle shop which is doing very well in the area right now (there's always long queues at lunch) would probably be quite empty. That's how good they were.

Unfortunately, the husband passed away due to cancer many years ago, and his wife couldn't continue the business out of grief. Dad said after the shop closed, I would still ask to go there, as I didn't understand what had happened. He'd just tell me, "they've closed down, sweetie," and I would nod and agree to eat something else, and forget the next day and ask again.

Yesterday, Dad ran into the wife of the noodle shop, and she recognised him and asked for me. She told me how she'd remember he'd come in with his little girl, order a large noodles, an extra small bowl, scissors and a spoon for me. "How is your little girl doing? Is she married yet?"

Other coincidences

Today, I also had someone I haven't spoken to in seven years reach out, which was pretty random, but to be honest, wouldn't be that much of a surprise if the other two coincidences hadn't happened so close together.

Wonder if it's a sign...?

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 74: Surprise 🥳✨🎉?!

I bet it's not a surprise to a lot of you, that Tony and I are getting married soon 🥳💍💕!!!!

It's something a lot of our closest friends have known for a while now, but something we've been keeping low profile, as we were waiting for our pre-wedding photo shoots (which still haven't happened for various reasons 😅).

But so many people know we're engaged by now, there wasn't much point in not announcing it!

Yay to us!

All those girls who witnessed Tony and I meet and made those bets we'd end up together can now tell people, "I knew it! I told you so!" 😉

Also, since many people have been wanting a glimpse, here is my engagement ring 💍 :

An adorable antique diamond ring with an old mine cut centre diamond and tiny diamonds on the sides; platinum leaf design (although they look like butterflies to me 🦋), with a gold band. The engagement ring has a story, but I'll get into that later, I promise 🥰.

[amandayuebing]

Throwback to my gift from Satoko in 2015. 

I miss her 🥺. She was an exchange student I met at university. We became friends and stayed penpals!

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 70: The Audacity 🙄😂

I realise I’m starting to get a little indiscriminate about what I post on my blog...  I’m more concerned about the flow of my story over the feelings of who ‘mI discussing though, because I no longer have the time nor the energy to care about pseudo-friendships. 

Last week, Herb invited Tony out for a “catch-up”. Being the polite and friendly person Tony is (because honestly, I would not have entertained him), he accepted the invitation. 

I already questioned Herb’s intentions before the dinner... 

Herb, after all, is part of that committee who tried to screw Tony over last year. The committee who tried to slander him until we sent them a cease and desist to let them know what they were doing was i l l e g a l. Like actually, no exaggeration, illegal.

At the dinner, Herb told Tony, “ever since you’ve come back to kendo, the vibe’s been really weird. It feels like there’s been a big wall between you and the coaches... What’s going on there?”

Tony asked him, “Really...? Any wall that people imagine is self-imposed. I’ve just been turning up to training to have fun and mind my own business and stay out of trouble since what happened last year.”

“Last year? What happened last year?” he feigned ignorance. Big eye-roll. So two-faced.

Tony’s not one to mince words, so he told him exactly what was going on. The phone call to other members of the club where Y was name dropping to make it sound like Tony was guilty of something inappropriate under the guise of concern and enquiry.

The coercion. When Y didn’t get the response he wanted from Cee, he coerced her by repeatedly asking her, telling her his personal feelings about Tony. He even went so far as to say to her, “oh, the guys are sticking up for Tony too” to falsely imply Tony had indeed done something wrong that other people knew about; that she was also guilty of covering something up when she wasn’t. 

How Y and the committee wasn’t following proper procedure for dealing with the situation. Not only were they not following procedure, but how it was dealt with was extremely inappropriate. Hence the CnD was served. 

Then their reactions to the CnD were not mature responses you’d hope from people in leadership.

The list. That stupid list of “complaints” about Tony’s apparent improprieties that were not really complaints but just personal issues certain individuals had about Tony like, “he’s too arrogant”. How the proposed punishments didn’t fit the crime, like “not allow him to speak during training.”

Herb nodded and pretended to really listen, instead of listening with an agenda by saying, “oh, yeah. Oh, that’s really unfair...” (Tony observed that Herb’s face looked a bit nervous at the mention of the list, because it was something Herb was a part of that they obviously did not want Tony to know about.)

But then in the same breath he added, “but I want to stay neutral”, as if he wasn’t already personally involved.

“I don’t want to take sides in club politics”, “I’m ““worried”” about your ability to keep grudges...”, “As your friend, I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to be the guy who misses out--”

Sides...? Politics??

Why is there even an option to him to pick a side? 

What kind of friend listens to someone tell him someone’s done something ILLEGAL against him and then tells him, “I don’t want to take sides, but you’re in the wrong here for having boundaries. You should let it go.” 

Especially after there’s been no signs of remorse from the other side, nor any effort to make amends. And after hearing the extent of the other sides actions, he went and tried to gaslight Tony and to say, “I’m concerned about you” because he perceives a grudge?

Especially when all Tony’s done is keep out of the other sides way for his own health? He’s making it sound as if Tony’s been actively trying to screw someone over, when all he’s done is put up a boundary. God forbid he have healthy boundaries! 

Herb-- I don’t know what herbs he’s been smoking, honestly. After that dinner, I really wanted to confront him and ask him to observe his contradictions but Tony told me not to waste my time on it.

But honestly Herb should stay in his lane.

[amandayuebing]

undefined

“Our dreams are invincible.” -- Tony Liu, 2016

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 63: My Swordsman’s Heart

Part 1/2 of my rant of the events that happened late 2019/early 2020

I've always found interesting the type of people who say Tony has gotten too big for his britches and “too proud of his achievements.” When I tap into my empathy and try to understand their perspective, I can see there’s a lot of insecurity, hurt and jealousy.

It’s unfortunate because, if these people actually listened to him, watched him, and tried to understand him, they would have a different understanding of his character and understand his heart. 

Sadly instead, they make assumptions on what he is; a projection of their own insecurities because of his age and achievements. 

On one hand, I can see where the insecurity stems from. In Tony’s relatively young kendo life, he’s made quite an impressive list of achievements. When he was just a kyu player, our sensei stopped him from competing in the kyu division at our club’s monthly tournaments, and he was made to compete against dans only. This was so that the matches would remain challenging for him, and that the other kyus would not become disheartened. (It’s crazy, but I’m not even exaggerating anything.) 

He was our university club’s president for four years in a row; a position people are elected into. People trust him, admire him, and appreciate how responsible he is. 

He’s won a gold medal in every kyu competition in NSW, except the state competition where he won a silver medal. He became Australian Kyu Champion at age 20. After passing his first dan grading, Tony earned a bronze medal in the Australian Championship the very next year. Just to name a few. 

But despite his accomplishments (and I’d say, some bragging rights), when he talks about his own kendo, he’s never bragged about how “good he is” at kendo. In fact, one of the things I admire about him is how he isn’t afraid to admit that when he first started kendo, he was actually really bad at it. And he’s not afraid to share that he got there with hard work.

He talks about his achievements as real-life examples of how these goals are attainable, even for someone like him. And if someone like him, who started from nothing, who didn’t have any natural talent or advantage could do it, so could anyone else who set their mind to it. 

At the time he discovered the kendo club, he was a fresh high school graduate with not a lot of self-confidence. He was not very popular in high school. He didn’t get into the course he wanted. 17-year-old Tony didn’t have any noteworthy accomplishments (in his eyes) to name for himself, whilst his family friends roughly his age all seemed to be getting somewhere in life. Then one day, he came across a flyer for our university kendo club, and he decided to join as he’d always dreamed of being a swordsman.

He came into his first kendo class as an arrogant teenager, leaning on the dojo wall until Fukuda-sensei hit him over the head and told him “this is a dojo! Take it seriously!” The rest of the dojo froze, probably thinking, “oh no... we’re definitely gonna lose this student…” 

But that was an awakening moment for Tony where he thought, “I want to take this seriously. I want to be good at this. I’m tired of being a fuck-up.” He always listened carefully to Fukuda-sensei. It took a lot of work to get Tony up to where he is today (as he said himself, he didn’t have a natural talent for kendo), but Fukuda-sensei never gave up on him, or any other student, as long as they were willing to learn and put in the hard work.

With the decision to actively improve himself in kendo, he found the attitude he first walked in with changing. He now saw himself as a man with a purpose in life; a swordsman who would wholeheartedly protect his loved ones in any capacity he could. 

He no longer saw himself as that dislikeable teenager who put on airs, as a loud, tough guy so that people wouldn’t see through it and realise how insecure he was at the time. He went through life previously believing only that version of himself. Now he knew that if you really have the intention to change yourself, you will. 

Naturally, he became a more likeable person and made a lot of friends and met his first girlfriend, who also enjoyed martial arts (his first girlfriend was part of our university’s kung fu club). Within his first year, he also transferred into the course he wanted, and his kendo dramatically improved through his hard work and the guidance of Fukuda-sensei. Although he went through a lot of challenges, his life kept improving because he kept trying. (That’s why he met me 😜.)

Because of his own transformation, Tony strongly believes in hard work, taking responsibility for yourself and not making excuses when you fail. His motto in life is, “there are no strong people or weak people. There are people who work to be strong, and people who don't.”

Because he’s so passionate about kendo, he loves to share his passion by helping people and sharing his words of encouragement, regardless of if you’re a complete beginner or an intermediate asking for his advice. He gets excited, because kendo literally changed his life. 

Admittedly amongst his strengths, eloquence might not be one of them. But if you listen to his stories instead of immediately reacting out of jealousy or insecurity, you’d know he wasn’t actually bragging.

But you can’t please everyone. 

Despite his best intentions, some people conflate his storytelling and words of encouragement and mere existence as being “too proud”. Some people tried to “put him in his place” by scheming against him in a really disgusting way. 

It’s really sad, because we once viewed the club like family. And then they tried to screw us over.

So here’s just part 1 of this story; the context of why some people might be salty. It still doesn’t justify what they did. 

That’s what I’ll be talking about next.

[amandayuebing]

It's been a while since I posted recent(ish) photos of me 🥰.

[amandayuebing]

Feeling loved and grateful that we have each other (and that he's also a sweet tooth so we can order twice the amount of dessert 😋💕).

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 57: A wedding and an anniversary

So much love was in the air, that Spring, during November 2015... ❤️✨🌸

Tony and I celebrated our first dating anniversary together that year. We did something sweet and lowkey together, which was cook together and study side-by-side, since it was crunchtime in terms of final exams (😭 law school...) and I didn’t feel like being out for too long.

A few days later, we attended a wedding of one of Tony’s seniors in kendo. 

Neither of them have shared their wedding photos, so I don’t have many photos from that day (as we had photographers taking photos of us throughout the whole day).

I’m so disappointed, because someone is holding onto a photo that exists of Fukuda-sensei jokingly pulling Tony by one end of his tie, and me pulling the other!! Definitely would have been great shoujo manga material, but alas... One day, I’ll recreate the photograph as a drawing. 

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 54: Strategising for a zombie apocalypse after visiting a cat café

On 13 July 2015, I organised with some friends to visit a cat café!

From memory, I think there were meant to be at least 5 of us. But on the day, one person couldn’t make it, and Chase and Mal both messaged me (separately, by the way. That is relevant) that they’d be late. Then they both ended up missing our booking ‘cause they were so late! 

Then it ended up being just Tony and me, at the cat café. Not that it bothered either of us, that we ended up on a date at a cat café. 

The adorable thing is Tony is known for being quite loud, but one thing I have noticed over the many years I’ve known him is that he speaks softly, in whispers, to children, cats and dogs. I don’t think he even realises he’s doing it. It’s so cute.

After the cat cafe, Tony and I met with Mal briefly before Tony had to go to work. I was surprised Chase turned up at all, at this point, but somehow he made it, a couple hours after our booking for the cat café. Apparently, he was already on his way hours ago, but there were delays, AND he took the wrong train. 

Both Mal and Chase were often late for things, for the most earnest but ridiculous reasons. I could see why people thought Mal and Chase were a cute couple, as they were so alike in their lostness. (Personally, though, knowing Mal so well, I didn’t see the two as a match.)

So the three of us (Mal, Chase and I), decided to have lunch together, then chill out at a café afterwards. Somehow we ended up sitting at that café for about 3-4 hours, probably to the annoyance of the staff and owners, but they didn’t show any signs or we were enjoying each other’s company too much to notice! To be fair, we did order quite a lot of food though! 

The cakes were delicious. Mal and Chase both enjoyed the watermelon and rose jelly cake on the left (I think we ended up ordering more than one slice of that), while I savoured the delicious slice of strawberry tart on the right.

I can’t remember all the things we talked about, being so long ago, but I remember this topic came up:

“Amanda... if there’s ever a zombie apocalypse,” Chase looked me in the eyes seriously. “You’d be fine, because you have Tony.” 

“I know! That’s so true!” Mal gasped. Neither of us were drunk by the way. This is how we are. 

“Haha!” I snorted. “I thought you were going to end the sentence before you mentioned Tony, and I was going to say, ‘you’re so wrong! I’d be one of the first to die!’”

“Like think about it... All he’d have to do is wear his bogu (kendo armour), and the zombies wouldn’t be able to bite at his neck--”

“Is the neck what they go for...?” I said thoughtfully. “To be honest, I don’t know too much about zombies. How does this work?” 

“Yeah, either way, all his vulnerable parts are covered” he continued. “And he has his kendo skills, so he’d be able to just kill them before they even get to you.”

“Yeah, Tony’s got you covered, Amanda.” Mal said, with a very serious expression. “Like, we’ve all seen how protective he was with you during kendo.”

“Well, you guys have bogu and know kendo too, so you’ll both be fine as well.”

“But out of all of us, I think you’d be safest because Tony will definitely protect you.” Chase patted me on the shoulder. 

“Aww that’s sweet, Chase.”

[amandayuebing]

My friends told me that when they imagine the love story of me and Tony as the cover of a shoujo manga, it would be something like this:

Tony princess-carrying me (like that iconic photograph at my graduation that had everyone excited for an epic birthday BBQ #iykyk 😂 that almost won our university’s alumni competition that year); an army of kendoka behind us, instead of the typical flower field; but still be surrounded by lots of flowers, because that encompasses who I am.

Ugh, I am so flattered that my friends could come up with something so cute🥰!!! I have the cutest, most precious, and most talented friends 😭🙏!! Thank you @alicemation for capturing this perfectly 🌸✨; Gwyn, for coming up with such a dreamy idea; @ anyone else who has been a part of my continuing story 😘.