#MOOTS I LOVE U 🫶🫶

[fatuismooches]

Man I adore tormenting dottore as my love language :3

cw: kinda dark? zandik accidentally hurting us because he's hallucinating (IM NOT AN EXPERT I just think it's like. Very realistic if this were to happen)

Anyways, I like to think that Dottore came from a... Rather unpleasant home, and then especially burned his home town along with everyone who has cursed him (except for you ofc)

Still, the memories hasn't left him. It's not like he could, no matter how much he buries himself in his research. Zandik can't heal when he pretends that it's all fine and that dwelling into such emotions would be a waste of time. This proved to be more prominent during his younger days...

One day, I could just imagine, you come home to your shared dorm, all preppy and smiles because you're finally gonna spend time with the love of your life! Only to see absolute ruin of your dorm—everything was a mess, papers strewn every where, couch flipped, drops of his blood on the floor. You panic, wondering if the Matra finally raided your home to arrest Zandik, then you heard him yell—in your bedroom. You run towards it, frantically, and stupidly.

You should've assessed the situation more. Took a deep breath and calmed your mind—but you were striken with anxiety and fear, and when you shouted "what happened here!?" "What did you do!?" at him, you were quickly met with pain you've never felt before.

He had burned you with a torch, and now you're on the ground, writhing and screaming in hellish pain, cradling the parts of your body that was burnt to a crisp. You see him grinning at you, eyes full of satisfaction and malice.

You thought that this was what he wanted all along, that everything was a lie and he just used you for all your worth, and now that he has nothing to use you for, he has decided to kill you.

But you then hear him shout: "Are you proud of me? I've become the monster you've always told me that I am."

Quickly, you realize that he hadn't meant to hurt you.

The scars stayed, much to Zandik's dismay. After treating your injuries, he has resorted to ignoring you for the next couple of days, being mean and insulting you.

Just be patient with him, you know that he cares. And that he's absolutely crushed that he has hurt you, of all people. He didn't mean it, but now you've got painful scars that will ache for a life time, all because of him. All because he was stubborn to heed your concerns. He wanted to burn the past, he really did. To forget and move on. He hated his childhood so much that he's willing to just let it burn into ashes... But he didn't realize if he tried, he'd burn you along with it.

You see him open his mouth whenever he tends your healing wounds, but then close it, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. You see him read books all about treating burn wounds, cook you meals, ignoring his research all for you—his hands shook, eyes dark though glassy. You know he wants to apologize, but then his eyes goes to your scars, sucks in a deep breath, glares at you and walks away.

He's really doing his best to push you away

Zandik cares so much that he wants you to leave him, hate him, for being who he is, for being what he is. But no, you're smiling so softly and reassuring him that you're fine. That it's not his fault, that he didn't mean it.

And he'd yell he did mean it, that you were just lucky to survive (as if he hasn't lost sleep and progress on his research just to tend to you).

It wasn't his fault, you urged.

You remember it all vividly. Zandik knocking frantically at your home, houses ablaze behind him, his body littered with cuts and bruises. People were carrying torches and pitchforks, makeshift weapons and screaming at Zandik to just leave—and with out much thought, you grabbed as much as you could from your room and ran away with him.

You knew he finally snapped that day. Took matters in his own hands... He never talked much about it, but you could assume what happened. And you were certain he had confronted his parents before it all went to shit.

He wasn't trying to hurt you. He never did, and he would never want to hurt you. You were the exception and will always be, he would rather let the world cave in than letting you bleed by his hands. Zandik was lost in his thoughts, drowning in unpleasant memories and his eyes deceived him—he thought you were someone else, and he wanted to hurt them, not you.

JGJGOFHFJDSJS yeah that, he most definitely probably cry in your arms talking about how much he hates ur scars bc he gave them to you...

I would add more BUT IM LITERALLY IN CLASS AND MY PROFESSOR IS LECTURING HELP OKAY BYE SMOOCHES ILY /P HAVE A GOOD DAY CKCBXKCBDJ

Sorry for this I just like. Exploring struggles and menta shit KBcjcjc

MOOT WHAT IS THIS... WHY ARE YOU HURTING US LIKE THIS my JAW WAS DROPPED THE WHOLE TIME 😭😭 Okay but real. I have two hcs when it comes to Zandik's parents - they were the only ones who loved him but they died when he was really young, or they really just hated him. I've also heard others say "Zandik" can be used as an insult too? I don't know how true that is though. But yeah I think the latter is more likely to be true unfortunately 💔 Even if they were nice to him it wouldn't be enough to counter a whole town's worth of hatred towards him... yup yup the village definitely got burned down to the ground.

One would think that he wouldn't be affected. But he wasn't Dottore yet. He was merely Zandik at this point. He couldn't just shrug it off and go about his day. He pondered. He thought. He felt. He was still more human, more feeling than he wanted to admit, and he absolutely hated it. Still, he didn't regret it, but the memories would simply not leave his head. It was wholly bothersome. After all, not too long ago he was merely a little boy... a little boy who was deemed a monster, a demon child. All the people, even his own parents who accused him were gone now yet... their voices still rang clear in his head. And of course you had no clue, because Zandik would never speak about his feelings under any circumstance.

OUCHHHH HOW CAN I EVEN WRITE THE NEXT PART?? I CAN'T WRITE IT AS GOOD AS YOU oh gosh I WILL TRY. Ah... coming home to your shared dorm. Thinking it's going to be another regular, good day with you and your lover. But it's not, and when you see your home ransacked of course the first thing that goes through your mind is if your Zandik is okay. Of course you you rush to him and beckon him to tell you what happened as anyone would do. Of course you try to reach out to him. And of course, you didn't expect to be licked with flames by your lover's own hand, not only is your body crying out in pain but so is your heart - did Zandik really not care for you after all of these years? The only one who you treasured above all else... perhaps he never viewed you more than a pawn. But then you hear those few words that make you realize what's truly going on - ah, you understand now.

The logical part of Zandik knew that the scars would remain, but the illogical part of him hoped (to think he was even capable of that) badly that they wouldn't. You wonder what his expression was when he was tending to your wounds - you were asleep at the time - but even if you had seen it you probably wouldn't be able to put it into words... it was expressionless yet also not at the same time. He looked empty, and unfeeling, yet he looked the opposite too. And perhaps you wouldn't believe how tenderly he treated your wounds, from the way he's giving you the cold shoulder now. You wouldn't know the way his hands shook the whole time because he did that to you. The one person who would never, who should have never faced his anger, his wrath. It's all his fault, there's no denying that, he hurt you and now you're going to be hurting for the rest of your life too. The last person, no the only person who he doesn't want to see hurt.

Even now, Zandik doesn't understand you. How the fuck are you more calm about this than he is. He hurt you. He burnt you and he meant it and yet in the aftermath, there's not a hint of resentment on your face and he doesn't understand - he hates it so much, you should hate him, in fact it'd make him feel better if you did because how can you even begin to like him a tiny bit after what he's just done, he's claimed to love you and even in that twisted mind of his he knows that's not what lovers do. He doesn't understand why you haven't packed your bags and moved to another dorm by now, hell why do you try to usher him to bed because "lack of sleep is bad for him" what actually goes through your mind...? What went through your mind when you decided to leave with him too? The villagers weren't after you, just him, you could have had a normal life, but you still decided to go with him... you two had no plan, no money, no real necessities but you gave up everything for him anyway. Sigh...

Ouch... i feel like at some point you would just accept your scars but Zandik? Haunts him more than he wants to admit. Don't get me wrong he still thinks you're beautiful but... you know what I mean. Mhm... imagine the child segment asking you where/how you got the scars from and at the moment you make up the most ridiculous lie because that's all your brain can think of because there's no way you're telling the baby that Prime did it. Oh and the angst if Dottore hears that convo :(

Okay... moving on from that angst... PLS You're hella brave for being on tumblr in class, I'm too scared to open it or write fics in general in fear of someone seeing 😭 Once I accidentally opened my blog on my laptop and I closed the tab at LIGHT SPEED. ILY TOO KAI I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! ❤️❤️❤️

[stuckinapril]

I’m genuinely so glad to have met you this year. I don’t know, like you make me really happy? Regardless of whether you post in a joking or serious tone, your mere existence brings me joy

- (one of your mutuals who is too shy to come off anon)

Oh my goodness 😭😭 I have the best mutuals and this is why

[anonimusunnoaniswriting]

HI I LOVE YOU

*sits you down*

*swats hands away from your lap*

*presses thighs to check for softness*

*soft*

*sits*

[miyamoratsumuu]

non chalantly accidently drops this in ur inbox

I'm absolutely not nonchalant about this ahahahshjajakzbajaba

OH MY GODDJWBDJBAHABAJSBQ???!?@[×&>-^×> SAKU WHAT THE FUCJCDBSKA I HAD TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE BC I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT WAS MY NAME IN THERE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A RANDOM FANART BUT OHHHH MYYYYDHWHXJWNKZ

AND IS THAT AN F ON THE LEFT OF HIS JORTS??? AAAAAAAGHHH SAKUUUU ☹️ I LOVE YOUUU SO MUCHHHH

I'M CRYING SCREAMING THROWING UP /pos STOPPPSJSJWN SAKU I LOVE THIS SM AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH:( HOW COULD I EVER REPAY YOU FOR THIS????

I CAN'T SHUT UP I'M LITERALLY BEING SO NOISY RIGHT NOWWJSBQNANKA HE LOOKS SO GOODDFJSBDJA YOUR ART STYLE'S SO CUTEEEUDHEJS I'M TEARING UP RN NO JOKE AAAAAAGH 😞😞 I WANNA GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST MOST INTENTIONAL SMOOCH RN

SHITDJHS I JUST NOTICED THE F ON HIS NECKLACE TOOOOO ☹️ AND THAT ACTUALLY IS AN F ON HIS SHORTS RIGHT??? or am I starting to hallucinate omg I feel lightheaded

HOW COULD YOU JUST RANDOMLY DROP THIS BOMB ON ME AT 5 IN THE AFTERNOON????? THANK YOUUUU SM FOR THISSSS<3 :( I genuinely hope, pray, and wish that you live the best life ever oh my gosh ilysm you deserve it

[nulltune]

there was a scene in the manga where hakuno was being strangled HELP!! /j but even then hakuno was asking the attacker (julius) "why are you making that face?" because hakuno could tell that he was suffering deep down 🥹🥹😭😭😭 and we get a julius monologue: "i didn't want to accept that i still had these feelings within me. let alone have this guy see through them. i hate it..."

IT SAYS A LOT ABT HAKUNO METHINKS!!! and these lines too.... i love hakuno's heart sm istg 😭❤️ + how well written the hakuno-julius development is..!!!! hakuno being nice doesn't magically fix everything and there's a lot that happens ue ue uee 😭

i'm trying to keep this hakuno-relevant but PLS IM IN SHAMBLES BC the manga adaptation rlly told us that "if there was one salvation he could've gotten, it would've been having someone who could understand his agony."

and then cue hakuno kishinami-

[swaggypsyduck]

i made this for u 💖

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! MY LOVE FOR U IS INFINITE!!!

2 TICKETS FOR THE BARBIE MOVIE PLS!!!!

[junkissed]

Hey June !!

So, we need to talk...

You're making Jun become more and more my bias everyday. (Rip Kwannie) I don't know if it's the way you write him or just how you describe him but I'm becoming more of a Huihui little by little everytime you post

Anyways I had a little question for you... I just wanted to know : What pushed you to share your stories with us all in the first place? And HOW do you make them so good everytime?

Like always I send you all my love and support !💕😊

you are the sweetest omg that makes me so happy!! my job is to convert the world into huihuis one fic at a time 🥹 at the risk of sounding parasocial as hell, i just love him and he makes me so happy to write about so i have to be a little bit delusional about him at all times aksgjdhfs

it was @onlymingyus who encouraged me to post my writing! i've been writing since i was a little kid and i've always wanted to work with books, and my dream is to work in the publishing industry as a literary agent or an editor, so my own writing is more of a side hobby. on tumblr i started as a silent reader and then eventually made my fic recs blog @junhui-recs and started talking to people like mars and the lovely members of svthub, and i was like well why not post my stuff too? then it took me a while to warm up to writing smut bc it wasn't what i was used to (and still isn't tbh, it's a struggle to write it sometimes) but it's so rewarding to share it with everyone and get to talk to other writers and carats :)

and i have no idea asgkdjfhs i honestly just write things that i like to read so it's catered to my own tastes lmao but i'm so so glad other ppl like to read them too 💓 it's so satisfying when i open tumblr looking for something very specific to read and i can open my own masterlist and find exactly what i imagined in my brain hehe. from what i've noticed my best fics are ones i've written when i was super emotional so maybe that's something? like if i'm feeling generally bored or unenthusiastic then my fics tend to be meh. i feel like it's super obvious bc when i feel bad about my fics it shows in my writing, so i try not to write when i'm not in a good place because i want my fics to be something i enjoy looking back on instead of cringing at myself 😭 i have a lot of fics in my google drive that will never ever see the light of day bc i cringe so hard at who i was when i wrote them lmao

[riaki]

me whenever riko posts literally anything:

ME WHENEVER HAERIN !!!!

[binniesoob]

@faceglitchsworld tagged me to do one of the following games but i'm gonna do ALL OF THEM 😈 because they're fun and i love doing these thingz uk uk <3

OKAY LET'S GO!!

First game: make this picrew here

i love this!! also i NEED this sweater ⁉️

Second Game: time to put my music on shuffle then list the first ten songs!

i'm gonna put my "50 most replayed songs in the last 6 months" playlist on shuffle, let's see 👀

きらり (kirari) by fuji kaze

the perfect pair by beabadoobee

seven by jungkook ft. latto

four leaf dream by matilda mann

heaven by jimmy brown

cool with you by new jeans

like crazy by jimin

falling behind by laufey

eve, psyche and the bluebeard's wife by lesserafim

for the night by chlöe ft. latto

Third game: doing this picrew here and answering 15 questions!

i made my dream looking myself atm!! i want to cut my hair like this so bad!!

Name: Giorgia 💐

Age: i'm shape shifter 🤚 i was born 22 years ago but i still look 17 and i'm stuck in my head 19 but i have the back pains of a granny (i'm secretly sophie from ghibli howl's moving castle)

Favourite season: i'm another one of those autumn girlies 🍂

Do you carry a bag/purse? what kind? i've been obsessed with tote bags, my lil collection is growing eheh. it's all i've been using to carry my stuff around for months now

What color is your waterbottle? i use a thermos as one and it's classic silver

What color is your phone case? clear and it's so crusty now 💀 i desperately need a new one asap

Do you sleep in silence or do you need white noise/sounds/music? silence but white noise from the outside world is welcomed (rain, cars on the highway) once i fall asleep i sleep like the dead istg i hear almost nothing apart from the sound of my alarm that my brain recognises ... and if my dear neighbours decide to use a drill on the room facing mine at 7 am ah ah 🥰🔪

Top sheets. Yes or no? definitely yes

You're in the candy aisle at the corner store, what are you grabbing? FRUITS JELLIESSS and the rainbow stripes with granulated sugar on top 😋 🌈

Preferred mode of travel (plane, train,car,bus,on foot): train for public transport, i want a car of my own 😔 and i enjoy walking in nature or around cities

What's your phone background right now? it's a very simple cute beige grid on a creamy white background, i always need simple backgrounds to clearly see icons and widgets otherwise it confuses my brain

Are you more of a minimalist or maximalist? a bit of both? but more on the minimalist side?

It's time to paint your bedroom! What color are you choosing? OH GOD FINALLY 😭 my room desperately needs to be repainted :(( i'll go for white or avory and get rid of that popcorn texture i hate with a passion 😍 i want a wall so smooth i could sleep on it

And finally, tell me something that brings you joy: atm i'll say music and reading <3

(oh, did we lose a question?😮)

I'm tagging @ashxxgyu @rieloving-mess @ghostfeather @aureangels @somebodycallixii feel free to do all the games, just one or none! no pressure ;) in case you were already tagged in these sorryyy i didn't notice 🙈

[the-kr8tor]

I'm brushing my teeth and now I can't get up

You'll never get up that's the cat's foot now

[keeksandgigz]

🕯️🔮🥀🕸️

Can I be ur spooky girlfriend and have picnics at the local graveyard?

[fatuismooches]

so i had this conversation with my friend about dottore and fragile!reader and i just wanna share it to you because like, your account has a lot of fragile!reader and i enjoy them a lot :3 sorry not sorry btw lmao, you're the one who started the fragile!reader agenda and i live for the angst. i had this music in my mind while writing this (just imagine it matches the ending i put lmao). have a good day/night :3

cw: yeah so reader dies lol, pure angst

-

my friend said "what if dottore knows how to play the piano" and quickly it went to dottore and reader playing duets together. dottore being the pianist and reader being the violinist.

throughout their lives, when dottore isn't too busy or too tired, you would play a duet together, because it's one of your ways to bond. since you were young, you've played the violin. it was your passion, a piece of art you have dedicated yourself to. dottore wanted to be part of that, so he meticulously learned how to play the piano, just for you.

the music you play always resonated deeply in your hearts. sometimes, you'd pick up your violin and play whatever comes to your mind, each note you play with your bow purely improvised, and dottore would stop whatever he was doing and go to his piano. he would tap his foot along with the imaginary tempo you've created, humming along with your tune, before straightening his back and let his fingers dance along the keys.

it was beautiful, majestic. music that has bonded two people so strong and will continue to unite the souls that play the music endlessly with their instruments.

but alas, not all love stories end happily.

your back, shoulders, arms, and fingers have grown weak. the callouses that graced your fingertips, scars that you were so proud of, has long faded, returning to the smooth, and unblemished surface of your skin. you could barely remember how to properly hold your beloved bow, nor lift your violin. the weight was too heavy for you now.

it was only as if it was yesterday when he saw you so lively and happy, smiling so tenderly as you sway your body to the rhythm he has set with his piano. the way you'd oh so passionately move your fingers across the fingerboard, the slight tilt of your head onto the chin rest as you close your eyes to feel the music throughout your mind and soul.

and yet it has been years since you've held your violin. it could only bring you unbearable pain once you lay your eyes on your most prized possession.

he has taken care of your violin in your stead. he waxed the bow, tuned the strings and polished it, keeping it pristine, as if it's owner still adored their beloved instrument.

he could cure you. he most certainly will. he will bring back the joy you once had in life before you were forever trapped in the confines of your room. chained to the bed that you have known almost a huge fraction of your withering life.

he continued to play for you. to let his fingers gloss over the keys of his dearest piano, the play tunes that you once loved so much, to see the sparkle of joy in your eyes. and yet when you smile at him when he finishes a piece he knew was your favorite, he could only see sadness. miserable and gnawing sadness that only worsened whatever godforsaken sickness you had.

he could cure you. he will make a cure, no matter how long it will take. but you're now begging him for a duet. to play together like you once had. normally, dottore would've been delighted seeing the spark of love you had with music light up once more, but all he felt was dread.

it wasn't passion, nor joy, nor love that he could see in your eyes. it was only resignation.

was it a sign? that you were ready to pass on? but he could cure you! he will cure you! you just have to be patient, please. he's begging you to just lay down and let him work. let him make a cure. let him help you- he cannot lose the one thing that has given him life. the one person who has loved him more than the universe ever had...

but you begged him. pleaded him. you cried and pulled on his coat, you caressed and cooed at his skin, you kissed and whispered sweet nothing in his ears. you persuaded him. reassured him. comforted him.

he knew.

you knew.

so he handed you your precious violin. he helped you hold your violin like you used to, to position your fingers on the bow. you lay your head onto the chin rest, and bear the pain of the hard wood against your fragile skin.

dottore walks towards his piano, slow and steady. he didn't want to keep you waiting, it would be rude of him. but he couldn't help it. he was in denial. he wanted to walk outside your room and never return, to smash his piano to just keep him from playing that dreaded duet you wanted to play in hopes that you'd wait for the cure instead of accepting your death so easily.

but he couldn't say no to you. oh, how easy for you, a weak, dying, fragile person, having so much power against il dottore, the 2nd of the fatui harbingers.

and so he sat down, lifted the lid of the keyboard, and hesitantly hovers his fingers on the keys.

your voice, so faint and raspy, but so gentle and warm.

"one, two, three, and-"

you were horrible at the violin. it was a given since you're too weak to even properly hold it, and you haven't had practice since you've gotten sick. the scratching of the hairs against the metallic strings ground your ears, and the notes weren't even in tune with the piece. but you managed to follow through with dottore's rhythm, the tap of his foot at each beat serving as your metronome to keep up, no matter how your music sounded in contrast with his.

his eyes were only focused on his fingers. he dared not to look at you. if he did, he will lose all his control. each hitched breath you had, he could hear. each groan of pain, each silent curse, each hiss, each sob, he could hear them. but he pretended that he didn't. that it was just another simple duet that you've always done together. that perhaps tomorrow, you'll nag him to stop working so hard and play this piece you've been dying to play.

dottore's fingers continued to press on the keys, each note bringing nothing but grief into his heart. he pretended not to hear your gasps, the faint 'i love you's and the shattering, horrifying, sound of your violin falling onto the cold tiled floor. he pretends he doesn't hear it all. only his music, your music.

he could hear your perfect pitch, somewhere deep into his memories, each drag of the bow, up and down the strings, then the playful staccato as you poke your tongue at him.

he played the piece until the very end. he ignored the burning in his eyes. the bile rising up his throat. the trembling of his fingers. the quivering of his bottom lip.

his fingers were slipping (he could hear you playing your violin like you used to), he was messing up. he was pressing the wrong keys, and he was growing frustrated, blinking away the blurriness of his eyes.

(he wishes, he prays, that after this piece, you'd be smiling at him)

then, he slams his hands against the keyboard, a vile, heart-wrenching scream leaving his lips. the piece has turned into a disaster. chaos. despair. he wanted to destroy his piano. he wanted to destroy everything. he wanted to destroy himself.

but you wouldn't want that, won't you?

he straightened his back, fingers back onto the keys where he left off, as he chocked back a sob. he dared not to look at you. not yet, not after he finished the duet like you wanted to.

soft, gentle tunes reverberated throughout your cold, and empty room. full of love, devotion, grief, melancholy, and anguish, but dottore played and played. his music sounding like it once had when you were near his side, playing along his tune.

it was the first ever duet you've played together. a piece that was so dear to his heart. he was grateful that you chose it to be your last.

and just like the piece, it started with the violin, and ended with the piano.

OH MY GOSH NOT YOU DROPPING THIS MASTERPIECE ON ME AND LEAVING?? IM TEARING UP WTF YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ATE😭😭😭

One would think that the Doctor wouldn’t be interested in the arts and such, but it was the opposite, mostly thanks to you. He may be a scientist obsessed with his research, but even someone like him could appreciate a honed talent, especially one by his own lover. Admiring your skill he too took it upon himself to teach himself an instrument, first to understand your grind, and second to be able to match with you. It was amusing at first to see him try to play in sync with your violin, but as time went on, you two sounded absolutely wonderful. Both of you heavily enjoyed it. Especially Dottore. It felt as though he could say things without actually verbally saying things. Many times he failed at expressing himself with words but he felt as if you could understand him this way instead.

But then came your illness. The one that rendered you unable to do many things, made you unable to play your beloved violin again. You fought it at first, refusing to give up your favorite thing, but to no avail. No longer did you have the health or energy to even hold it, much less play it, sending a great blow to your soul. And Dottore realized it immediately. No longer would you smile that one particular smile, one that said much more than words could, one that showed your utmost emotion and happiness. No longer did your eyes hold that certain glint, the one that held such a fondness for your craft, and for him, when you played together. No longer could you saunter over to him after an especially satisfying duet.

At the beginning of your illness, you would hover over him and carefully watch as he took care of your instrument. After all it was hard for you to let go of it and give someone else the responsibility. But as the years went by with only a downward progression in your illness, you succumbed to it and simply let your lover handle it. If you saw it now you’d probably have a break down. And he did. He took care of it just as well as you would have. He would never disappoint you.

But everything would end out fine, Dottore told himself. He shall cure you, and the first thing you would do together is play a duet once again. And then you could take care of your own instrument again like you used to and he could see the lovely smile return to your face. It would end out right in the end, he was the genius doctor after all. That’s what he tells himself, but he finds himself saying that a lot more these days. Because these days are the days when despite him playing the songs you love so much, the pretend smiles are all you can smile and the light does not reach your eyes. You pretend you are okay but he’s not stupid, you are far from okay. The sickness wasn’t the only thing eating you up inside.

And it all boils over one day, when he sees that look in your eye. The one that he wanted to convince himself was just an illusion, that surely you were just playing a prank on him, because no, there’s no way you could feel that way right? Why would you want to give up? He can do it, he can do anything - he can build Gods with no effort and create things beyond the human imagination - just let him continue to work on this. He’ll work until the world ends if he has to, hell even if another war comes and goes, if Teyvat is rebuilt again, just believe in him like you always used to since back then, as his assistant, as his fellow scholar, as his lover, as his one and only.

Zandik feels panic, something that only seems to pop up with you. The first time was when you suddenly collapsed in front of him, and he just found out about the illness. The other times were related to your various health scares as well. And this time… it seems like it would be the last. Because he can’t say no to your request, not while you’re clinging onto him showing the most raw emotion you have in days. He doesn’t want to do it. He doesn’t want to play his final duet with you. But alas, the world had never been kind to him.

When the Doctor has something to do, he gets it done. He doesn't waste time, as he has far more important things to do. But this wasn't the Doctor, or Dottore. This was Zandik. The same Zandik who promised you all those years ago to cure you, who swore one day you would suffer no longer. He’s lived for ages, but for some reason giving you your violin with that defeated expression on your face feels so much longer than a few seconds. It feels like ages when he slowly helps you adjust your violin the right way. It feels like ages as he walks over to take a seat at the piano. It feels like ages when his hands open the lid, and settle over the keys. He debates trying to convince you once again, but deep down he knows there’s nothing he can do. You were the only one who could ever win in an argument against him anyway. Everything was over. The least he could do, was to fulfill your last wish.

You knew you did not sound good. Your posture was all off, it sounded more like a horrible screeching than the lovely tune that you once produced all those years ago, you were panting and aching just at the mere act but you persisted, following your lover’s lead. He didn’t look at you, and you knew why, and you couldn’t help but get choked up too. It was surprising to see how much Zandik was alerted to your pain. He saw pain and inflicted pain on others every day but when it came to you, he hated it. He hated it so much that he knew if he looked at you, he would lose his mind. But he focused on the black and white keys in front of him.

The sound of the music is not enough to block his ears from hearing your apologetic whispers and final words of love, nor your violin falling to the floor with a terrible sound. Zandik keeps going regardless. It’s okay, he thinks, as he plays the lovely sounds you once made from many years ago. You’re still playing right besides him. You’re still going, so he shall as well. Then he realizes that a liquid is staining the keys and messing him up. And then he genuinely can’t remember the last time he cried, if he’s cried at all. He thinks it may have been as a child, shunned and alone. But even though it’s such a foreign thing for him it doesn’t surprise him. Nor does the unpleasant racket from the keys surprise him either.

He wonders if you’ll forgive him for the terrible performance he put on. He wonders if you’ll forgive him for failing you. Forgiveness, he almost laughs cruelly. Forgiveness. Something he never sought or cared about. He nearly destroys the piano with his bare hands but finds a tiny bit of control left in him, one created just for you. You’d want him to continue. And almost unnaturally he returns to his keys with the utmost concentration. For you. The final song. The final duet. The final everything.

Zandik always liked playing music with you for the things he could not express physically or verbally. He wondered if you could understand his final message, too. Even if you weren’t here anymore.

Oh no... the music really ties it all together... crying and screaming man omg 😭 IT JUST KEPT GETTING SADDER AND SADDER THIS IS AMAZING- BRO I DONT EVEN HAVE MUCH TO ADD- THIS HAS TO BE THE BEST ANGST DOTTORE PIECE IVE EVER READ.

I love the way you wrote his emotions here, him trying to hold it back but ultimately failing in the end because you really meant that much to him. You really portrayed how much he loved reader so well! I love that sm. It makes me wonder if he would keep the piano, since it's one of his core memories with you but it also brings him an indescribable amount of pain... Same with your violin. I think he would probably lock them up and never go into the room again because seeing them again would send him into a rage of sadness and anger.

Welp, I went through the five stages of grief with this😭🚶‍♀️Thank you for this absolute meal omg

[drowningincaffiene]

Moon beloved. Moon my dear. Hello hi hello. I went through your tag on my blog and was reminded of the fact that we did share most of the brain rots. Remember when it was renga & matchablossom insanity times. Remember when LITTLE SPOON STEVE?? and now you send me Mr collins.... Let's peg that man... United in fandoms united in time united in destroying that guy.

im sobbing LITTLE SPOON STEVE OMG HOW I MISS HIM i love you sm peng 🥹😭😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😚😚😚😚🩷🩷🫶🫶🫶

[wheeboo]

THANK U ALL FOR 700 OMG 😭😭😭😭😭

[pandorainmymind]

i want her to squat on me. i need her to squat on me actually.

no because this is so real…. SIT ON MY FACE NEYTIRI PLEASE

i’m literally begging

[swaggypsyduck]

how it feels like yelling about my delusions to @karotland @photmath and @mrs-bellingham at 2am: