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ofstoriesandstardust · 2 years

Text

quarter life crisis (j.h.s.)

a/n: this is wildly influenced by my own life so i have no idea if this is even relatable but you can have it anyways.

summary: Rejection from a potential grad school stings more than they realize.

inspired by taylor bickett’s “quarter life crisis” | part of the maroon universe

warnings: implied/referenced sex, swearing, age gap (reader is 22, Jake is 33), alcohol mentions, writing this was kind of cathartic,

word count: 5,757

Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you a place in our program at this time...

The bright screen wavers in front of you as you blink back the stinging of your tears. Your boyfriend’s hand rubs comfortably on your back as you shut the lid of the laptop, slumping down in your chair.

Your pretty, perfect boyfriend.

Your pretty, perfect boyfriend who was one of the best Naval aviators in the country.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s just Stanford.”

Just Stanford, like it wasn’t one of the top schools in the country.

Aim for the skies, your Dad always said.

“Yeah.” You mutter, sliding off the chair at the counter of the kitchen island.

“You have like what, seven other programs?” He says, following you as you walk towards the fridge. “You’ll get into the program that’s meant for you. Besides, I selfishly didn’t want you going so far from me.”

You sigh, turning to face your boyfriend.

Your pretty, perfect boyfriend who wouldn’t ever know the sting of rejection.

Rejection and Jake Seresin were antonyms, words that would never go together, polar opposites.

Much like you and Jake.

Jake, a 33-year-old established Naval aviator with two confirmed kills who had his whole career right in front of him.

You, a 22-year-old college graduate with no direction and no idea what she was doing.

You and Jake were antonyms, people that would never go together, polar opposites.

“Yeah.” You say, realizing you’ve been quiet for too long as Jake’s eyebrows furrow.

“Sweetheart-” He says before cutting himself off, looking a bit at a loss. “What can I do to make it better?”

You shrug, giving him a small smile. “Nothing. Why don’t you go on to the Hard Deck without me? Think I’m gonna take a minute.”

He hesitates. “You sure?”

You breath out, crossing your arms as you nod. “Positive.”

He nods, still looking a bit skeptical as he leans down, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “See you soon?”

“Yeah.”

You groan, rolling over as you blink awake. The TV is still on, the title screen for Treasure Planet pulled up as you search for your phone.

It’s a tough task, ensnared in a tangle of blankets and squinting from the too bright TV in a pitch black living room. You finally latch on to it, wedged between two cushions, quickly looking away as the bright screen lights up at you.

Your head pounds as you struggle to turn the brightness down on the phone, the cry you’d had earlier leaving your throat dry and head in need of a painkiller. You swallow, throat feeling like sandpaper as you struggle to sift through the 49 text messages, not to mention the 8 missed calls.

You don’t think you’d ever been so popular.

The texts are mostly from Jake, a handful from Brad and Nat and Reuben and even one from your Dad (Sorry to hear about Stanford kid).

The calls are all from Jake though.

Hey, it’s been a while, where are you? Call me back.

Hey, this is the fourth time I called you, why aren’t answering?

Hey, I’m starting to get worried. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone. Please call me back.

I will drive to your house. I know where your Dad keeps the spare key. Please just call me back and tell me you’re okay.

Okay, okay, I get the hint. You want to be left alone. Just send a smoke signal that you’re alive or something? I’m just kind of worried about you. Okay, I- Okay, talk to you later.

You groan, a quick glance at the time telling you it’s almost midnight. You must’ve cried yourself to sleep for an unintended six hour nap. You shoot off a quick text to Jake, letting him know you just fell asleep. You respond to the meme Reuben sent you, confirming the two of you were still on for drinks with kids from your high school tomorrow, friends of his he still kept in touch with. You knew Max and Lauren and Joy and Tristan and Cody when you went to school, but you’d never been quite cool enough to hang out with them.

You pull the fridge open, searching for the leftover pizza best you can with the bright LED lights in the fridge.

“What are you doing?” You yelp, turning around as you see Maverick standing there in his pajamas, half-asleep.

“Getting food... sorry, did I wake you?”

He shakes his head, yawning. “Jake called, asked if we heard from you. You were asleep when we came in so I just wanted to make sure you were still here.”

You nod, glancing down at your phone. Jake still hadn’t texted you back. “Yeah, I just texted him.”

“Okay, well, I’m going back to bed. Sorry about the Stanford decision.”

You give a half-shrug. “Just Stanford.”

He blindly pats your shoulder before yawning again. “K, goodnight.” And then he’s shuffling back to the stairs to go to bed as you groan, shutting the fridge.

“You look pretty.” Penny comments as you walk into the Hard Deck.

“Thank you.”

“Got a hot date?” Amelia teases.

“Nope, just drinks with Reuben.”

“Let me go put this box in the back and then we’re good to go, yeah?” You nod as Reuben rounds the bar with the box in his hands. He pauses, turning back to you. “Do you remember Anna who went to high school with us?”

You blink, nodding slowly.

Of course you remembered her. She’d been your best friend for seven years.

“Yeah.”

“Did you hear she was engaged?”

You nod again as Jake’s arm slides around your waist. “I did hear that, yeah.”

“Well, her and her fiancé are in town, Tyler I think his name is, and so I invited them to go with us.”

You nod as Reuben turns, heading for the back.

“Hi sweetheart.” Jake whispers in your ear, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder.

“Sorry I disappeared last night.” You whisper back, but Jake doesn’t get a chance to respond as Bradley cuts through the conversation.

“Weren’t you and Anna, like best friends?” Bradley asks, taking a sip of his beer. “I remember her because she had a huge crush on me, which was always kind of strange. She was like my second sister.”

“Yeah, well Anna decided to stop being friends with me a long time ago.” You say with a sigh.

“You and Anna were friends?” Reuben asks, coming back into the room.

You nod. “For like seven years.”

“I never knew that.” He said, eyebrows furrowing. “I never even saw you guys talk to each other at school.”

You huff out a laugh, feeling somewhat bitter. “Yeah, because I wasn’t cool enough to be seen with her. It would ruin her street cred.”

“That’s shitty.” Jake comments, tugging you between his legs to rest his chin on your shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

You give a half-shrug, blinking back the sting of tears yet again.

“It’s whatever.”

It’s not whatever.

You’d known Anna since you were eleven years old, since the two of you stood next to each other in line for your English class on the first day of the 6th grade, becoming friends because the two of you were wearing the same shirt but in different colors.

Anna was at your house more often than not. You’d been the first person she’d called when her brother got cancer. You’d walked to her house after your parents told you that they were getting a divorce. She used to come over whenever your Dad had cancer treatments and make pancakes with you and watch Glee so you didn’t have to think about it.

And then one day, at the start of your senior year, she’d cut you out. Blocked your number and stopped talking to you. She’d shown back up again before you started college but hadn’t stuck around very long that time either.

She’d disappeared for a few years and came back with a fiancé who was her soulmate and a successful job in a new city across the country.

And here you were, back in San Diego, with a shiny new grad school rejection and a dead end bartending job your Dad had hooked up for you and a boyfriend you hadn’t said I love you to yet.

Comparatively, one of you was doing better than the other and it wasn’t the one who had gotten screwed over.

It made your chest burn, thinking about how you had always thought you’d be there when she got engaged and had to find out from Instagram of all places.

Put a lot of things into perspective for you.

You blink, realizing you’ve been quiet for too long again as the group stares at you. “Sorry.”

Reuben watches you carefully. “You ready to go?”

You take a shaky breath, nodding. “Yep, let’s go.”

“Reuben!” Max yells as the two of you walk over. “Took you long enough!”

Reuben laughs, pulling Max into a hug before introducing you. Max nods, giving you a side hug as Lauren’s eyes light up at the sight of you.

“You were in our AP Literature class.” Max says, pulling away from you.

Lauren groans, leaning over the table to give you a hug. “Don’t bring that class up, Maxwell. I’m still not over the fact that we all failed the AP test.”

“Yeah, I’d like to not revisit the year Max and I dated.” Joy says, offering you a smile from across the table.

Max sticks out his tongue at her as your and Reuben sit at the table. “You remember Tristan, yeah?”

You nod as he raises his glass to you. “Good to see you again.”

“Glad to see we all survived that awful AP Lit class.”

“And then I don’t think you ever met my older brother Cody?”

“You got bumped up to my History class your freshman year, right?” Cody asks as he extends a hand over the table. You nod, confirming his words as you shake his hand.

“Hey Cody, I was in that class too!” Anna protests from the end of the table.

You offer the girl a small smile. “Hi Anna.”

“You know, I didn’t know the two of you were friends.” Reuben comments, gesturing between you and Anna.

“She was too busy pretending I didn’t exist.” You mutter under your breath, doing your best to disguise the words with a cough.

“Okay, why don’t you boys go get us drinks?” Lauren asks.

“So you can sit here and gossip and have girl talk?” Max says, raising his beer to his lips with a smirk.

“Yes. Get lost.” Joy deadpans. The boys grumble but follow her orders, even Anna’s fiancé following the group.

“So how have you been?” Lauren asks, a genuine small lighting up her face.

You shrug. “Pretty good.”

“Are you and Reuben dating?” Joy asks, earning a nudge from Lauren.

You chuckle, shaking your head. “No, God no. We’re just co-workers, pretty sure my Dad put him up to this, always saying I need to get out of the house. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”

“How is your Dad?” Anna asks, taking Max’s chair so she could scoot closer.

“Good. He’s good. He and Maverick just celebrated their anniversary and he’s in remission.”

“So... backtrack, boyfriend?” Lauren says, propping her head up on a closed fist. “Please, do tell.”

“Can I see a picture?” Anna asks. You nod, pulling your phone out from your back pocket, swiping through for an acceptable photo of the two of you. You land on a picture from a barbecue Penny had hosted recently, a picture Javy had taken of the two of you when neither of you were paying attention.

His smile was wide, hair messy from rolling around in the grass all afternoon as the team played football. Your arms were around his neck, his hands on your waist as the both of you smile, deep in conversation.

“His name is Jake. He’s a Navy pilot and works with Bradley and Maverick. It’s how we met.”

“Dating a flyboy, I’m sure your dad is thrilled.” Anna comments, raising her eyebrows. “Isn’t he- He’s kind of out of your league. No offense.”

And there it is.

Your pretty, perfect boyfriend, out of your league.

Of course it was something you knew, but not something you needed to hear, least of all from her.

“Oh, he’s cute.” Lauren coos, peering over at the phone. “How serious is it?”

You shrug. “Dunno, we’ve only been dating for a few months. Just kind of seeing where it goes.”

“Don’t be fooled, Jake’s hopelessly in love with her.” Reuben comments as the boys appear back at the table.

“I don’t know about that.” You say, taking a gulp of the drink Reuben has set down in front of you.

“Is the sex good?” Joy asks, causing you to choke.

“What?” You choke out, lungs burning.

“Well, is it?”

“Um-”

“You don’t have to answer that.” Max intervenes, tossing a look at Joy.

“No, I’m with Joy. He looks like he knows how to fuck, I’m curious if he’s good.”

“Lauren!” Reuben protests, crossing his arms. “Back off.”

“I second that.” Tristan says.

“Oh, please like you didn’t hear about Joy’s sex life when she dated Max.” Lauren says, narrowing her eyes.

“So?” Anna prompts. “Is he good in bed?”

You shrink back, suddenly aware that everyone’s looking at you.

You had told Jake that you hadn’t really been with any one else. Not any one meaningful, anyways. You doubted that the sex was as good for him as it was you, but you hardly had anything to compare to.

“I mean, he’s a six foot Navy aviator with an ego. What do you think?”

Joy raises an eyebrow. “And what about size?”

“Absolutely not, do not answer that. I still have to serve him at the Hard Deck, please do not give me intimate details about Seresin’s dick size.”

“I wasn’t going to...?” You say, offering him a curious look. “You picked me up after the first time we hooked up. If I was going to tell you any intimate details, I would’ve by now.”

“Wait, wait, wait, what?” Lauren says, waving her hands.

You sigh. “Jake and I hooked up as a one-night stand before we ever officially got together. I sort of fled the morning after and Reuben picked me up.”

“Man’s knows how to leave a hickey, that’s for sure.” Reuben mutters.

“Okay, let’s talk about literally anything else.” Max says, cutting the conversation off. “You applying to grad schools or anything?”

“Yeah. Just kind of vibing at the moment, though.”

“Didn’t-” Rueben start, but then cuts himself off, frowning. “Never mind.”

“Yeah, please don’t bring that up right now.” You mutter. “What about you Max? What’ve you been up to?”

“Bring up what?” Anna asks.

Reuben sighs, glancing at you. “Nothing.”

It’s too late, everyone looking at you now.

“I just- I just found out I got rejected from a grad school yesterday. That’s all.”

That fact that it was Stanford you got rejected from goes unspoken.

“What happened to the gifted kid we all knew in high school?” Anna laughs.

“Burned out in college trying to be good enough for her parents.” You snap, shooting Anna a look. “She’s currently having a quarter-life crisis and would like everyone to please stop asking her about it, so Max, what have you been up to?”

The boy just blinks.

“How was drinks?”

“Awful.” You groan, all but collapsing on to the couch next to Maverick.

Reuben sighs, sticking in his hands in his pockets. “I don’t remember Anna being such a bitch.”

“You don’t maybe. I do.” You say, sitting up to look at him.

“Anna who always spent a lot of time around here?” Maverick asks. You nod and he clicks his tongue. “I never liked her all that much.”

You sigh. “How she behaved tonight? That’s how she treated me for seven years and I just let her. And yet she’s still the one who’s doing better.”

Reuben nods, conceding to you. “Well, if Anna doesn’t come with us again, would you want to come back out with us?”

You shrug. “I guess.”

“You don’t like them?”

“No, I think they’re great people. I don’t think they like me very much.”

Reuben scoffs. “What’re you talking about? Lauren and Max adore you. As does Tristan, they want you to come back out with us. You should’ve seen Lauren’s face when I said you were coming tonight.”

You sigh, unsure of how to explain to him that you felt like you would never escape who you were in high school, like they’d look at you and still see that girl you had been.

It really hadn’t been that long since you’d been at the high school that had made you feel suffocated with a life that felt dead-end.

Rueben was great, he’d always been. The best thing about him was his heart.

And his friends were great too.

But in high school, the lines had been drawn in the sand. You knew where you stood with them and it was about several social status levels below them.

Just because you now had a pretty, perfect boyfriend didn’t change that.

Reuben says your name, making you realize you’ve once against fallen silent for too long. “Sorry, what?”

“We’ll do next time on your turf, okay? You can pick wherever and whatever.”

You sigh, standing up from the couch. “Reuben, just leave it, okay? We’re never gonna gel as friends.”

“You and them? Or us?” He asks, with a frown on his face.

You wince, internally cursing your slip. “Reuben-”

“You still think I care that you might've been, what? A little dorky in high school? I saw a girl who was bright and intelligent and passionate. What did it matter that she went on a few tangents about the State of Union address because her Dad was there? You were one of the smartest people I interacted with in high school.”

You want to snap and say, yeah that’s the problem. I was the smartest kid you knew and knew exactly what I wanted and now I struggle to get up in the morning because I don’t even know who I am anymore.

But all you can do is sigh and look at Reuben. He scoffs, shaking his head, stalking to the front door before slamming it shut. Maverick winces as you struggle not to cry again.

“What the fuck was that about?”

“Nothing, I’m just a drama queen.” You mutter. “I’m going to bed.”

“Hi.” You look up from where you’re cleaning glasses to see Lauren and Max.

“Hey, Reuben’s just in the back if you want me to go grab him for you.” You offer, sticking a thumb to the back where Reuben was helping Penny sort the new delivery you got today.

Lauren shakes her head. “No. I just-” She sighs, looking at Max. “We just wanted to come say that well, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I love you, I think you’re great, and I’d love for you to come back out with us sometime.”

You huff out a laugh, setting the glass down. “Reuben put you up to this?”

She frowns. “No?”

Max sighs. “Look, I don’t even like Anna. None of us liked Anna, the only one who was friends with her was Reuben.”

“That’s only because she was a part of a different friend group.” Reuben says, appearing from the back with another crate of clean glasses.

You snort, grabbing the crate from him. “Funny to me you had multiple friend groups, I didn’t even have one.”

“Oh, c’mon, you had a friend group.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Yeah? Who, Reuben?”

He falters, clearly struggling think of someone.

“Reuben, I didn’t even get asked to prom. Let’s call a spade a spade, I was a loser.”

“I think you had your head so far in a book no one ever got a chance to see how great you are.” Lauren amends, offering you a kind smile. “And I’d love if you came and hung out with us again. And we will stop asking about your sex life, I promise.”

“Why, she doesn’t want to brag?” Jake drawls, appearing next to Lauren.

“No!” Reuben exclaims. “No intimate details about his dick size! I can’t do it!″

Jake gives Reuben a confused look as you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“This is your boyfriend?” Max asks. You nod. He extends a hand to Max and then Lauren.

“Jake Seresin.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lauren says. “You like escape rooms, right? We could do one of those? Boys versus girls.”

“I don’t know, the last time I did one of those it was with my Mom and I have it on good authority I’m a bit bossy.”

“The prehistoric ages, when your Mom was around.” Bradley says, appearing next to Jake at the bar.

“Shut up Bradshaw.” Natasha mutters, wedging herself in between him and Jake.

“Aw, she’s making friends. It’s like kindergarten all over again, this is so cute.” Coyote teases, appearing behind the group.

“Reuben and I both have next Monday off. How about laser tag?” You ask, ignoring Coyote even as your cheeks warm.

Reuben coughs awkwardly. “I’m gonna bow out of this one, thanks.”

Max startles. “What? Why?”

Reuben shrugs, not sparing you glance. “Cody and I already have plans.”

“Since when?” Lauren asks incredulously.

“Since last night.” You mutter under your breath. “It’s okay, I think I’m supposed to get dinner with my Dad’s that night. You know, family thing.”

“We are?” Bradley asks.

“No, just me and them.” You lie, praying Bradley just accepts it and moves on.

Lauren nods unconvinced. “Well, our door is always open. Just give us a holler, we’ll be around.”

“What happened to dinner with your Dad’s?”

You grunt, picking up another rock and tossing it in the lake.

Lake Murray had become little more than a pond over the years, but with the park nearby and walking trails all around it, it became a great place to come to hide away when you needed to think.

“You know, you are one hard lady to find.”

“Shut up Jake.” You mutter.

Your pretty, perfect boyfriend was a liar. He’d had your location since the time you’d gotten too drunk and had just hit share indefinitely when he’d come to pick up from the bar.

“Is everything okay?”

“No.” You say honestly, not having been okay in months.

Still, it stung even more today, waking up to another rejection from a grad school program, this time from your alma mater.

Jake sighs. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

He huffs. “I’m worried about you.”

The Why? sits in your throat, crushed by the guilt that you’ve been making your pretty, perfect boyfriend worry about you.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” Is what you mumble out instead, kicking another rock, watching it tumble down the edge towards the lake.

“Would you please talk to me?” He all but begs, a hint of desperation in his voice. “You’ve been acting strange ever since you got the Stanford decision back and I want to know what’s up with my girlfriend.”

His girlfriend, who he hasn’t even said I love you to yet, making you wonder if he ever would.

Rationally, you knew it was early, especially if this relationship wasn’t going anywhere. It was unreasonable to expect Jake to return your feelings and it was unreasonable to expect Jake to commit to a girl who didn’t have her shit together.

“It’s nothing.” You say, keeping your eyes on the deep blue water, slowly lapping at the shore. If you strain your ears you could hear the screaming of kids at the park across the way.

You hear him shuffle behind you, moving closer, but he doesn’t sit down. “Sweetheart.” He says, but stops.

You sigh, your heart aching with want, begging you to turn around give him a hug. To let him pull you close and run his fingers through his hair, whispering that it’ll be okay and that he isn’t go anywhere.

Maybe it would be better if the two of you broke up.

Maybe he would be better off without you.

You’re quiet for too long because Jake is sighing and you can hear him take a few steps back. “You want to be alone?”

You nod.

He leaves.

You blink, the tears stinging at your eyes as Lauren posts a picture of her and Joy with a handful of other girls that had been friends with them in high school.

my girls xx is what she posts on the story of them out getting drinks and you have to close the app before the stories can continue on.

You sigh, letting the phone rest on your chest as you hear Maverick downstairs, crooning along to Voulez-Vous as he cooks dinner with your Dad. You should put your phone away, pull yourself together enough to go down there, and spend time with them. It’d probably do wonders for you to take a break from your phone, from social media, where it feels like everyone is living a better life than you would ever have.

Your phone buzzes on your chest but you don’t bother to check it, still just listening the commotion from downstairs. Maverick has set the fire alarm off again.

There’s a knock against your window, causing you to startle. With big windows that overlooked the ocean, birds would occasionally fly into the glass, but this was definitely more of a knock than a thud.

You lift your head, catching sight of your boyfriend’s blonde hair shining in the setting evening sun, casting a warm orange glow over the room.

“What the fuck?” You mutter to yourself, pulling yourself off the bed and over to window, pulling it open. He grins at you.

“Pizza delivery.”

You blink, staring at him. “How the fuck did you get up here? Why are you up here?”

He shrugs. “A magician never tells their secret and you weren’t answering your phone. C’mon, come have a picnic with me.” He nods his head down to the sandy area just off of your back porch. You know it’s conveniently just out of sight for either of your Dads if they were to walk past the sliding glass doors. You sigh, shaking your head. “Give me two minutes.”

He nods as you shut the window. You pad down the stairs, slipping into the kitchen for the bottle of champagne leftover from your grad party months ago. Maverick grins at you as you pull the bottle from the fridge.

“Doing some day drinking?” He asks.

“Something like that.” You say, grabbing two glasses from the cabinet. He eyes them. “In case, you know, I spill.” He nods, giving you an unconvinced look.

“Jake’s outside, isn’t he?” He whispers.

“Maybe.” You whisper back as your Dad emerges form the pantry.

“What’re we whispering about?” He asks and Maverick gives him a grin.

“About how I find you so sexy, baby-”

You groan, cutting the man off. “Gross, stop. I’m going outside to enjoy the sunset.”

Your Dad nods, too preoccupied with Maverick. You’d tell them they better be careful or the food will burn again but it’d distract your Dad and you know Maverick is giving you an opportunity to get outside unquestioned.

You slip out on to the patio, catching sight of Jake resting on the blankets he’s laid out, pizza boxes open in front of him.

You set the champagne down along with the glasses, catching sight of the white box. You open it as he pops open the champagne, revealing the chocolate-covered strawberries.

“Pizza and chocolate-covered strawberries? Thought you said the bar was in hell if this was romance.” You tease, sliding the box back across the blankets. He huffs out a laugh as you settle down on to the blankets.

“Well, maybe I could be learning a thing or two from Troy Bolton.”

Your head rests against Jake’s thigh, his head propped up near your feet. You feel warm, the alcohol and good food coursing through you as you watch the setting sun turns blood red at the horizon. Jake’s other hand is resting on your foot, thumb gently running over your ankle.

“Thanks for doing this.” You say and he gives you a smile. A genuine one, not the lazy grins he usually he puts on for the rest of the world.

“Anything for you darling.” He pauses for a moment, his movements on your ankle continuing. “But I do want to talk about why you’ve been so weird lately.”

You shrug, shifting. “I’m just feeling weird, I guess. Call it a quarter life crisis or whatever, but I’m just feeling a bit strange.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know. I’m not where I thought I’d be at 22, which is so stupid because I have my whole life laid in front of me and yet I- I always thought I’d have my life figured out. I’d know what I want to do and where I’m going. I’d have my forever relationship and my forever group of friends. But I’m getting rejected from grad schools left and right, I’ve got no solid group of friends. I hang out with my pseudo-brother’s friends most of the time and work a job my Daddy got for me. I live at home, for Christ’s sake. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy being with you because I l-” You pause, cutting yourself off, almost reeling at the fact that you'd almost let the words slip out.

You loved Jake Seresin but you were uncertain he loved you in return.

“I do like being with you. But all my friends from school, they’re engaged or married and have solid careers or amazing grad school offers and best friends they have game nights with and weekly drinks and I don’t know, they fucking meal prep together. And it’s added on to the fact that I’m like sort of friends with Reuben now, who I always thought was so cool in high school. You know, he had that life. He went to the football games and had dates to dances and surfed and had friends to hang out with. Still does. And I’m realizing I’m sort of starting to grieve a life I didn’t have in high school. You know, a life I could’ve had if my life had been just a bit more stable. My Dad had his cancer treatments and my parents were locked into this nasty court battle over child support. Not even over me but how much money I was worth. Maverick was never around, Bradley too, and I’m just-” You squeeze your eyes shut, taking a shuddering breath. “I’m upset because I could’ve had that life in high school if I wasn’t busy taking care of myself and making sure I stayed alive. If I wasn’t busy trying to make it into college because I knew it was the only way I’d make something of myself, the only way I’d be worth something in my parent’s eyes.”

You sit up, the tears slipping down your face. “I feel like a failure. And even more than I feel like a failure, I’m angry at losing out on all I could’ve had but didn't get because of my parents.” Your voice is raw and wet as Jake sits up too, pulling you close to his chest. “My whole identity for so long has been about my academic success and now that the academics don’t want me, I have no idea who the fuck I am.”

“I’m so proud of you.” He whispers into your hairline, pressing a soft kiss there.

You hiccup. “How? I’m a mess.”

He chuckles, pulling back slightly. “I’m proud of you because you did survive. I agree, it’s not fair to you that you had to raise yourself. I’m proud of you though because you got through all that and now you get this amazing opportunity to learn who you really are without all the books and smarts.”

You shrug, glancing away from him.

He sighs, cupping your chin. “Sweetheart, just because the academic success goes away doesn’t take away from how wonderfully brilliant you are. You are so intelligent, and I, for one, am so excited to see who you become in this next stage of your life. I think I’ve already gotten glimpses of her and I-” He swallows, pushing some of your hair away from your face. “I love her so fucking much.”

Your breath catches in your throat as you look back to him.

“I love you sweetheart.” He licks his lips nervously, eyes darting around your face as if trying to gauge your reaction. “I know this is probably bad timing but- but it sounds like you needed to hear it. And I know I don’t fix it or make it go away, but- I’m here.” A new wave of tears hits you and Jake pulls you back to his chest. “I know I’m not high school or prom or Stanford, but I-”

“Jake, shut up.” You say, wiping at your eyes as you try to push the tears back. He snaps his mouth shut, falling silent, even as he hand falls to your waist to rub circles into your side. “I love you. So much, you have no idea.”

He smiles. “Good to know.”

You groan, wiping at your eyes again. “God, I ruined our date. I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart, no.” He says firmly, scooting back. “I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me about this. I get that it’s probably hard to voice and I’m happy to know you’re comfortable talking about these things with me.”

You sniff, giving him a half-shrug. “Still-”

“No. None of that. C’mere.” He says, pulling you to his chest and then laying down on the blankets. “I love you, darling.”

“I love you too.” You whisper back, nuzzling closer into him as he runs his fingers through your hair. You sit there for a while, the sun going from red hues to a dusky purple.

“I have a question.” He asks.

“Go for it.”

“Why did Reuben make that comment about not wanting to know my dick size?”

You groan.

#jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin fic #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin fic #top gun: maverick #top gun: maverick fic #maroon

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