#Met my highschool friends again today and it was great we are all gay now :)👍🏼

[iamnotmereally]

Ppl will be so casually homophobic and transphobic and it makes me wanna punch a wall

[oranjis-shipping-mess]

ABC Challenge ~ Jihan H is for Haven (I know its crazy, but marry me, part 1)

"Babe? You're home early." Joshua smiled from the couch where he was sitting, book in one hand, cup of tea in the other. He placed both on the table as he got up to greet Mingyu with a kiss. "I'm only here to pick up some files that I forgot earlier." Mingyu went to his little office to get the files he needed. "Hey Mings, I saved dinner for you, you can take it with you?" Joshua smiled as he handed Mingyu a bag with the food. "I'm not hungry. Look, I need to go now. Don't wait up for me." Mingyu ranted as he made his way outside again, followed by Joshua, who waved him goodbye, bag still in his hand. "I love you, Mings." Mingyu was already back at his car, "bye." Was the only thing he said before he got in and left.

Joshua sighed as he put the bag with food away, he figured he could just have it for lunch tomorrow. Sitting down back at the couch, turning the tv on, trying to find something intresting to watch. Mingyu had been tense lately, it was only three days before their wedding, and ofcourse, Joshua was nervous too. But he barely recognized Mingyu anymore. Maybe it was because Joshua didn't feel comfortable hosting bachelor parties, and Mingyu was still angry over it. Or maybe it was because Mingyu's boss was giving him a hard time at work. All by all, Joshua wasn't sure, and he wished that Mingyu would open up to him about it.

Barely an hour had passed, and it was still early in the evening, too early to go to bed, that was. So Joshua got his phone and called Jeonghan. "Hey, my love. What's up?" The older answered, loud noises coming from the background. "Jeonghanniee, are you really busy tonight? Maybe we can watch a movie together?" Jeonghan had his phone on his shoulder, pressed to his cheek, as he tossed several drinks to the costumers. "Aah, Joshuji, I am very sorry, but its incredibly crowded tonight. I can come after my shift though? Or you could come here, if you want." Joshua shrugged, even though Jeonghan couldn't see him. "Maybe. I'll think about it. But we're still on for tomorrow, right?" Joshua had turned off the tv, as nothing intresting was on. "Yes, ofcourse. 8:30, your place. I can take breakfast with me from that place you like, but let me know if your soon to be husband, will be joining breakfast." Joshua bit his lip at the mention of Mingyu, "ya, I'll let you know, Han. See you in the morning, maybe tonight." And they said their goodbyes.

Joshua and Jeonghan had known each other since kindergarden. From the very first day, no one was ever able to seperate them. Through the years, they would barely pay attention to anyone else, as they knew they had each other to count on. At an early age, Jeonghan already knew he was in to boys, and he wasn't afraid to be open about it. He didn't care about the haters, and only cared about the people that were close to him. As for Joshua, he had always been more confused. He respected Jeonghan so much, but he could never see himself like that. Be openly gay and okay with it. He was afraid of the judgement and the haters, that was, untill he met Mingyu. He was head over heals for this guy, and Jeonghan had helped him with everything, from asking Mingyu out for their very first date, to how Joshua had proposed. And Jeonghan was happy for Joshua, even though he was broken inside. He always knew that Joshua was special to him, as when they grew older, he fell in love with him, but didn't want to ruin their friendship. They even kissed, more then once. Usually on nights when they were out, clubbing, and too wasted to remember it the next day. But that came to an end when Joshua and Mingyu started dating. But untill this day, Jeonghan was still in love with Joshua, and in just a few days, he would be the best man at Joshua and Mingyu's wedding.

Now, Mingyu was a very different person compared to Jeonghan. Where Jeonghan was outgoing, not afraid of anything, Mingyu was a very closed person. He would barely talk about his emotions, and he definitly was a work-a-holic, meaning that sometimes, or most of the time, he would prioritize his job over Joshua. And Jeonghan hated it. He absolutely hated the way Mingyu treated Joshua. He would sometimes fantasize about what could have happend, if he had told Joshua about how he felt. They could have been a perfect match. A match made in heaven, as they called it. And that one time, when he did feel ready to talk about it, Joshua had come to him, asking advice on how to get Mingyu's attention.

But now it was three days before Joshua and Mingyu were to get married. Tomorrow they would go to the venue they had hired. It was a very large building, beautiful garden in the back. That's where they'd hold the ceremony, the party would follow inside the venue. Now, tomorrow they were gonna start on the decorating, but Mingyu had to cancel due to work. So Jeonghan, Joshua's best man, was to accompany him, together they would decorate everything the way that Joshua and Mingyu had discussed.

Joshua looked once again at the time, it was still early, but he didn't feel like going clubbing, neither did he feel like staying up till God knows what time for Mingyu to get home. So he decided to take a warm bath, scented candle on the side and just go to bed after.

"Mingyu?" Jeonghan mentioned his name, suprised to see him in the club. "Where is Josh?" Mingyu shrugged, looking like he wanted to die at that exact moment. "Home, sleeping? I don't know. Now get me your strongest drink and mind your own fucking business." Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he got Mingyu his drink. "You do realize that you're getting married in less then three days, right? And that your fiancée is currently stressing about everything, alone." Mingyu took hold of the glass, "what do you not understand about minding your own business? Anyways, what time does your shift end? Or am I stuck to you for the rest of the night?" Jeonghan rested both his hands on the counter, "not that it is any of your business, but my co-worker should be here any minute, and I'm free to go." Mingyu nodded as he made his way through the club, ignoring Jeonghan's answer completely.

"What the fuck?" Jeonghan looked at the two man in front of him, one of them definitly being Mingyu. "Mingyu!" He screamed as he ripped the two appart. "God damn it, Jeonghan. For fucking once, can you just mind your own business?" The other guy just stared at them, not sure what to do. "I wanna say i'm sorry, but i'm not." His voice was stern as his fist made its way to Mingyu's jaw. But Mingyu was quick to respond and took hold of Jeonghan's arm. "Now, here is what you'll do, Jeonghan. You will turn around, walk away and forget that you saw us, okay? Oh, and if you even think about telling Joshua about this, think again." Jeonghan tried to get out of Mingyu's grip, "ofcourse I will tell Joshua, how long has this been going on, Mingyu?" Mingyu grabbed Jeonghan by his collar, "if you really must know, this is Vernon, my fiancée, and we've been together ever since highschool." Jeonghan's jaw dropped in disbelieve. "Then why are you with Joshua? Do you have any idea how much he loves you? How much he cares for you? And now you're telling me you have another fiancée? When are you gonna tell him?" Jeonghan struggled to get his feet in the ground, as Mingyu's grip was tight. "Simple, I'm not gonna tell him. And yes, ofcourse I know how much he loves me. He promised me, that when we're married and grow old together, and if he were to pass away first, he'd leave me all his money, and the big villa out of town that his parents left him. So, guess who's gonna have to plan a funeral soon? No worries, I'll invite you, so you can say your last, pathethic goodbye." Mingyu chuckled as he let go of Jeonghan, who immedeatly pushed him. "You fucking asshole, what are you planning? You can't do this! I will tell him everything, you're not gonna get away with this!" Mingyu stroke Jeonghan's cheek, "you can tell. But who do you think he's gonna believe? His fiancée or his pathetic friend? Oh, and no, don't worry. It won't be painfull for him. Cause of death? There probably was something wrong with the food on our honeymoon." Jeonghan couldn't believe anything of what Mingyu was telling him, he looked at Vernon, "and you are okay with all of this?" The guy just nodded, "its not the first time one of us got married while we were already happily engaged." He explained, as he smiled at Mingyu. Jeonghan felt like he was gonna pass out any time soon, "you're both fucking twisted." He managed to say as he finally made his way outside, in need for fresh air.

The next morning, Jeonghan was at Joshua's place at 8:30 sharp. Breakfast with him, as promised. Joshua smiled tiredly as he opened the door and greated Jeonghan with a hug, "I missed you, Hannie." Jeonghan hugged back tightly, "I missed you too, Jiji." Jeonghan had been awake almost all night, not sure how he had to tell Joshua, because he knew this news would crush him, and he couldn't bare to see that happen.

Over breakfast, they had small talk, but Jeonghan couldn't help but notice how tired Joshua looked. "Josh, isn't Mingyu joining for breakfast?" It almost looked like Joshua had stopped breathing for a moment, "uhm, no. He already left for work before I woke up." Jeonghan sighed, "when we finish, you should get dressed soon, so we can go to the venue. Did you already try on your suit? Because if anything needs to be changed last minute, we have to get it to the store today." Joshua nodded, "I'll try it on quickly before I get dressed."

Jeonghan quickly cleaned whatever was left from breakfast, as they made their way to Joshua and Mingyu's bedroom. Jeonghan sat down at the edge of the bed, waiting for Joshua to get his suit. As Joshua removed his tshirt, Jeonghan's eyes immedeatly fell on the bruises on Joshua's back, "Josh, what's that?" Joshua immedeatly turned around, "what?" Jeonghan got up and stood behind Joshua, placing his hand on Joshua's hips. "Did Mingyu do that to you?" Joshua sighed, "he was just a little pissed off when he got home during the night. Jeonghan, its okay. He was gentle this time." Jeonghan carefully hugged Joshua from behind, "gentle? Josh, I'm sorry, I really didn't want to be the one to tell you this. But you can't marry him." Joshua frowned as he turned around, Jeonghan's arms still around his waist. "What are you talking about? If its about the bruise, its nothing to worry about. Its just a small one." Jeonghan shook his head as he gently stroke Joshua's cheek, "Joshua.. Can't you see it? He's not good for you. This was not the first time he hurt you like that. He didn't-", Joshua shook his head, "no, don't worry. We didn't have sex. You know that. Mingyu knows how important it is for me to wait till the night of the wedding." Jeonghan sighed, "that's literally the only promise he's keeping, Josh. Joshua, last night.. Last night I caught Mingyu making out with someone else. And it apparently wasn't the first time." Joshua frowned, "what? Jeonghan, what are you talking about?" Joshua started feeling hot inside, waiting for Jeonghan to explain.

They were both sitting on the bed now, Joshua was crying, Jeonghan comforting him, arms around him tightly. "But J-Jeonghan, what do I do now? He's about to get married to someone else? But what about our wedding? I can't cancel everything, I just can't.." Jeonghan slowly stroke his hand over Joshua's back, "simple, you let everything go through. You won't even tell Mingyu that you found out."

"What? Jeonghan, I c-can't do that. I don't want to marry him. What do you want me to do?" Joshua wiped his tears away as he looked in to Jeonghan's eyes.

"Marry me, Joshua Hong."

[pellicano-sanguino]

Finland’s most famous graveyard must be Hietaniemi Cemetery. Many famous people are buried there, including presidents. And a whole bunch of artists. They have a separate area for them, the “artist’s hill.” But one famous artist didn’t get to be buried there among other great painters, sculptors and writers.

Helene Schjerfbeck. 

One of the most famous Finnish artists wasn’t buried in the artist’s hill. She did get a grave in another part of Hietaniemi Cemetery, though. And that grave? Until very recently, was left unattended, growing weeds. It was only because there’s a movie coming out about Schjerfbeck that someone pointed out the sorry state of her grave. Everyone excited about the movie was making great speeches how her art being so loved internationally brought Finns national pride, and someone wrote an angry comment in the newspaper, pointing that it’s disrespectful for politicians and art patrons to claim they love and appreciate her work while her grave grows nettles and we can’t be bothered to pay for the caring of her grave from public sources. 

Some organisation took taking care of Schjerfbeck’s grave as their responsibility. But it was still very disturbing to me how a female artist was treated so differently, even in death. 

The reason I’m writing this is because I went to see Portrait of a Lady on Fire recently. The movie left me an emotional wreck, it touched me on such a basic, almost subconscious level that I’m not sure I’m able to write anything coherent about my feelings. But I will try. Though I think this is a movie one must see for oneself, nothing I say about it will be able to describe the experience properly.

This post contains spoilers for the movie.

The movie is set in 1770 France. A time when female artists were forbidden from painting men, but allowed to paint portraits of women. The protagonist Marianne is one such exceptional lady who had a father open minded enough to allow her an artist’s career instead of choosing from the remaining three options. 

The remaining options? Convent, marriage or suicide.

The plot revolves around a woman, Heloise, who chose convent, but has that choice forcibly taken away from her after her sister chose suicide over arranged marriage and the family now needs to go for plan B and sell their second daughter to some man she has never met. Her mother needs a portrait of her to use as a selling tool, showing it to the man she intends to make her marry. Heloise resists and refuses to pose for an artist. So her mother hires Marianne, who is to pretend to be someone hired for keeping Heloise company, but secretly she is painting her portrait. 

I admit I don’t often enjoy watching movies. It’s just not my medium of choice. But then again, most of the movies I’ve seen are Hollywood stuff or pretentious artsy films, and both of those can be too much for someone as sensitive as I am. I can’t handle violence or unnecessary sex scenes. Also, the vast majority of movies are stories made by men, about men, for men. Even the women in movies are seen through the eyes of men.

But this movie is made by women, about women, for women.

The absence of man’s eyes is notable in small details. How there are no important male characters in this movie, men only show up in the very beginning and end and even then they are just background extras. The fact that we don’t get sex scenes (a male director could never resist doing that when handling a story about lesbians). The fact that both leading ladies look rather plain, ordinary women instead of your typical Hollywood barbie-dolls. The last time I saw a woman in a movie with unshaved armpits was back in highschool when during Swedish lesson we watched some Swedish flick that had a loudly feminist character who made a point of not shaving. 

There’s a scene where a woman goes to an old lady to get an abortion done. If this scene was done by a man, if it had been filmed in Hollywood, they would have made her scream in pain and showed the blood and discharge and feasted on every gruesome detail of the procedure. But the scene is calm, peaceful and intimately respectful. We don’t need to see any details. Focusing on what’s going on between her legs is unnecessary, seeing her face trying to keep calm but breaking into silent, suffocated cries is enough.

Women suffer silently. We have all been taught to grin and bear it, the harder it hurts, the harder you must smile.

The movie isn’t gloomy and depressing. The unpleasant truths jab at your heart without you noticing. Because they let the story speak for itself. No one needs to point out the unfairness of women’s fate in a world ruled by men. The doomed romance between Marianne and Heloise speaks loud enough. Their knowledge that once the portrait is finished, it’s all over. Heloise’s family home is situated on an island with steep cliffs around its shores and surrounded by the restless, ice cold waters of the sea. It’s all very symbolic. There is no escape.

The story builds slowly, patiently. I shouldn’t constantly compare this to Hollywood movies, but in an American movie you could never have this few spoken lines and take this long before the romance buds. Marianne knows she only has few days to finish the portrait, but she and Heloise don’t rush anything and live like they had all the time in the world. They are powerless to do anything to the fate looming ahead and instead spend their last days together without worrying about it. But the viewer is constantly aware of what is going to happen in the end. The tension builds, invisible hands are placed on my throat and slowly tighten their grip. When the last scene begins, I feel so choked by catharsis that I have to breathe through parted lips. I was happy for the movie theater’s darkness, so that neither of my friends sitting beside me could see the tears flowing down my cheek. Women suffer silently, I have been taught to hide my tears and be ashamed if they are discovered.

My friends gave me a ride back home and we talked about the movie. Tigel mentioned that she’d probably have to search the net for fix-it-fics to help her deal with her feelings. I responded that I probably have to call my mother and thank her for letting me choose my own fate and loving me just as I am.

I had to make a phone call like that once before. It was when I was reading Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall. At first I didn’t even like the book, or the main character. But slowly I began to notice similarities between myself and Stephen. They felt so familiar, so much more personal than any of the things het characters in other books did or said. I became frighteningly aware that this book wasn’t just about one specific person, it was about my people. I knew that the story wouldn’t have a happy ending (with a name like Well of Loneliness, what do you expect?) but I couldn’t stop reading. I felt as if I had a responsibility to read on, that I owed it to my past fellow lesbians. Stephen was a fictional character, but she was made to speak for us, to speak for the unfairness of a homosexual’s fate in a world ruled by heteros. For the silent suffering of women who were rejected by society.

When I got to the part where Stephen’s mother tells her that she wished she had never been born, I had to stop. The pain became unbearable. I had to put the book away and call my mother, seeking relief from the invisible hands choking me. I don’t remember that call very well, because I was an emotional mess during it. I remember telling her over and over again that I don’t take for granted the fact that she loves me despite knowing I’m a lesbian. That I am painfully aware that many have not been as fortunate as me. Even today, even in modern, civilized countries like Finland, there are countless gays and lesbians who are rejected by their parents. When you’re homosexual, being loved by your parent isn’t a default, it’s a matter of luck. I have been so very, very lucky.

Both the Well of Loneliness and Portrait of a Lady on Fire have touched me by making me aware of the history of my people. While some parts of our history is celebrated (all the great artists and other historic figures who were one of us), there’s the heavy weight of knowledge about our oppression, how in order for lesbians to live happily ever after in the past they had to be sneaky and so very, very lucky. Not all lesbians were Anne Listers, whose family was ok with not pressuring her to marry. I feel pain thinking how many women there must have been who were forced to suffer just like Stephen, just like Heloise. 

Another reason why our history lies heavy on my mind is because so much of it is lost, hidden, denied and shamed because of heteros. They burned Sappho’s poems. Fire also claimed the love letters men sent to Philippe, brother of Ludwig XIV. While gay men were sentenced openly, lesbianism wasn’t even spoken out loud, out of fear that women couldn’t commit such a sin if they were unaware of its existence. Oscar Wilde was sentenced to prison and died in France, his legacy to the art of writing unappreciated by his countrymen. How many of our graves grew nettles, because we were the dirty secret that everyone wanted to forget? How many of us had uncared graves because the only thing lesser than a woman is a woman who refuses to center her life around a man?

Now I’m going to voice an unpopular opinion that’s probably going to give me hatemail but I’m going to voice it anyway. I don’t like it when people posthumously push trans identity to people who did not identify as trans in life. There’s no way around it, I find it disrespectful. The reason I’m mentioning this is, that despite not liking it, I completely understand why they do it. Trans folks long for a history. They want their own Sapphos and Oscar Wildes. They want great historic characters to look up to and think “We have always been here and despite the world being against us, we could achieve great things.” The weight of lesbian and gay history can be a painful burden, but it will also give us comfort, knowing that people like us have always been and will always be there, that even when heteros made attempts to silence us or wipe us out of existence, we clung to the surviving parts of our history and treasured them. We will never know what the full poem behind the fragment “Someone will remember us/I say/even in another time” was like, but even so those words are precious to us. I do not blame trans folks for wishing for a history, even small fragments to reach through time and give them comfort. 

In case I will receive hatemail for this, I will make an announcement. I have no obligation to react to any message, comment or reblog sent my way. This is my blog, my house, my personal space. I decide who is invited in and who is not. If someone tries to contact me and I see they want to debate, before even reading what they’ve written to me, I will check their blog. A quick glance will usually be enough to reveal if the person in question is capable of intelligent and mature conversation or if engaging in debate with them will just be playing chess with a pigeon (the pigeon will knock the pawns over, bite your nose, shit on the board and then fly to boast to its fellow pigeons how well it won you in a game of chess). If I deem you a pigeon chess player, you will be ignored. I have no time to waste on useless debate. All terfhunters will be ignored as well, I do not wish to interact with the likes of them. However, just like not all gender criticals are radical feminists, not all trans folks are terfhunters. I am willing to speak with people I disagree with, but I will be choosing who I wish to speak with and who I won’t. If I see that you can’t behave, you are not welcome here.

[mc-yuki-chan]

Yuki’s backstory!

They were an odd kid, truthfully. They liked to watch the flowers, look at the sky, look at how the bugs moved, and read. They never particularly cared for making friends with kids their age, it never seemed to pop up in their mind. Until they met Natsuo; a young boy who was charming and sweet and didn’t mind their quiet observations of the world. The two bonded quickly and almost immediately became inseparable. They grew up together; were in all the same clubs, shared most of their classes. They were like two peas in a pod, and Yuki never wanted to be anywhere else. Nastuo was charming, charismatic, funny, and outgoing; all the things Yuki was not. Natsuo made friends quickly, whereas Yuki was shy and withdrawn within themselves. Yuki really looked up to him. 

Yuki grew up in a once loving family! 

Their father was an only child, whereas their mother had a sister- one she never really talked about as Yuki was growing up. (They didn’t know they had an aunt until she reached out to them when they were in their final year of school) 

They grew up relatively lonely as an only child, only really feeling connected to their parents when they would make food together and purposefully making too much so they have to go and share it with the neighbors. Those are the really good memories that Yuki cherishes. 

Another large hurdle in Yuki’s life was their feelings for Natsuo. They had fallen deeply in love with their childhood friend, and couldn’t imagine their life apart. 

During this time they were dealing with three large issues; their parents growing disdain for each other, severe bullying, and their identity. While their parents were silently angry at each other all the time, and the tension in the home was so thick you could barely breathe. All throughout highschool, they were being intensely bullied, for reasons beyond their understanding. People would prank them, tease them, mock them, and even went as far as to try and push them out a window. Their uniforms got stolen, they got paint poured on them, and letters of grusome and horrible things always ended up in their locker. Hajoon Lee, Natsuo and Yuki's mutual friend, was the only one who stood up for them, defended them, and told people to leave them alone.

They also struggled with who they were. They didn’t feel as though male really fit them, nor did they feel that female really fit them. Neither of those identities really felt like.... them. It was like they were trying to force themselves into a neat little box that they couldn’t even see. It was weird, and felt wrong, and they couldn’t even begin to explain why. They struggled for years with trying to figure out exactly what they felt, and how they felt about it, and it took many deep dives into the gender and sexuality studies online for them to really come to the conclusion.They were nonbinary, feeling the most comfortable with They/Them pronouns, and enjoyed both masculine and feminine things but were neither of them at the same time. It was freeing, it was comforting. They felt seen. Their parents still argued in the background when they thought their child couldn’t hear. 

Then Natsuo developed a crush, and things seemed to change. Natsuo had less time for Yuki; they hung out less, Natsuo didn’t talk to them as much, and Natsuo didn’t explain why. They just... drifted apart. So, Yuki took it upon themselves to try and fix things- by being honest. They weren’t sure if this was going to fix the growing distance between them, but... 

Life always has it’s ups and downs. That’s how we know we’re alive. 

Yuki chose to confess in one of the most romantic ways they could think of; at the Wishing Star Festival. Natsuo and Yuki went every year together. Yuki had gotten a piece of paper and wrote their wish on it, and waited patiently for Natsuo to show up. He was two hours late. Yuki didn’t mind; he was probably busy at home! They knew that his mom sometimes liked to fuss. They walked around, and Natsuo didn’t grab a piece of paper to write his wish down. Yuki thought it was odd, but didn’t comment on it. No, they were too nervous to really make good small talk. It was clear something was on Yuki’s mind, but it seemed like Natsuo didn’t notice. Yuki didn’t notice that either. Yuki didn’t notice a lot of things that night. They found a secluded spot, Yuki tied their wish to the tree, and silently made their wish. Yuki paused a bit, and let the silence hang in the air, and swallowed down the butterflies in their throat. 

“I’ll tell you my wish, if you want. It’s really simple.” 

Natsuo laughed, it seemed a little awkward- like he had been zoning out and only just then realized he was out in public with someone. 

“Wouldn’t that defeat the whole purpose of making a wish?” 

“Hehe, yes, but I think I want to share it with you anyways.” 

Natsuo only huffed another laugh and shrugged. 

“Okay, what’s your wish?” 

Yuki smiled, and quietly confessed. “My wish was that we would be together forever, because I love you.” 

As you can probably assume, this did not end well.  

Natsuo quickly back peddled and quickly grew more and more uncomfortable- saying he wasn’t gay, he didn’t like Yuki that way, that it was weird for two men to like each other. This hurt Yuki, who then explained that they are nonbinary, and tried to explain what it meant and what that meant for them. Natsuo became angry, and started shouting- claiming Yuki was making all of this up so that they could get the girl he was crushing on. Yuki didn’t understand- they had met that girl once or twice, at max, why would they have feelings for her? Natsuo confessed he was late because he had been on a date with the girl, and she had been into him, but said that she didn’t like the way Yuki looked at him. And now he understood why, he had said, before ripping Yuki’s wish off the tree. Natsuo began screaming obscene and cruel things, things that deeply hurt Yuki to this day.

Yuki had gone home crying that night, and poured their heart out to their parents; the crush, their gender, the fight, everything. Their parents... took it better, but not well enough. They tried to console them by saying that it was a phase, and that once they found a nice girl and got married that they wouldn’t be “So obsessed with becoming a girl”. 

Yuki’s life shifted over night. 

Their parents began fighting more intensely, arguing about which one of them fucked up their kid more, who’s fault it was that they were like this, why they were so weird. 

At school, no one talked to them. People had been around them because they themself was always with Natsuo, but since the fight Natsuo hasn’t said a single word to them. The girl he had a crush on was now clearly dating him, if the shy looks and blushes were anything to go by. This shattered Yuki’s heart every time it happened. With the distance from their friends, the bullying continued to steadily get worse.

The only saving grace came in the form of their aunt, Ayane, who had moved to Korea to escape her homophobic family. She was a proud lesbian, and wasn’t afraid to be who she was- she was bold, and strong, and she had reached out to Yuki to try and rekindle a relationship between the two; she had always been incredibly hurt that she was never there to watch Yuki grow up. They began talking, and venting out all their feelings, and their aunt eagerly suggested they move in with her in Korea. They realized that this may be the best shot at life they could get. 

The final time that Yuki and Natsuo spoke was on graduation day, before they went home to pack their bags to move to Korea. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, but Natsuo said that he wishes them the best of luck in their life (still ignoring the use of their real pronouns) it was stiff, awkward, and he clearly looked like he didn't want to be there.  Yuki swallowed thickly and stiffly and formally thanked him, and didn’t begin to cry until they were already in their room.  

Maybe that’s why they downloaded a mysterious messaging app..? 

They moved to Korea a few years after their final year of school, and moved in with Ayane. It was really all good from there. 

There they met Oba-chan (Her name is Hinata, but she insisted that Yuki called her grandmother), and began working at her flower shop. Hinata quickly took them in, accepting them and their identity as if it wasn’t unusual or strange in the slightest; a sharp and drastic change to their previous life in Japan. It was so... good. They felt so safe here, it was great. They worked hard, learned quickly, and faster than anyone anticipated they rose to a high position in the shop- assisting Hinata with financial business and helping renovate the business into what it is today- the most popular stop for home grown flowers in Seoul. 

Eventually, Hinata grew too old to feel fit enough to run the store, so she left it to Yuki, who had shown incredible dedication and attention to detail, and they have been running it ever since. Shortly after getting ownership of the business, they were able to afford their own apartment and have been living on their own for a few months now. They regularly have family dinners at Hinata’s house with her friends and Ayane’s girlfriend and they cook massive meals that they can share with family and neighbors alike. 

With all these good things happening in their life, the sudden and intense loss of losing a pillar in the life was still incredibly jarring, and they still are incredibly lonely. They guarded their heart carefully after that heartbreak, they weren’t sure if they could handle that kind of rejection again- let alone any rejection while they were still so tender. It may have been almost 5 years, but it cut so deep that it still was healing. 

[queer-starling]

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?  

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert 

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u  

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? 

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao. 

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today. 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT 

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal   

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.  

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink 

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better  

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her 

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there. 

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH) 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? 

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess? 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up 

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

:/

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

[rainbowd4she]

Why am I obssessed with Magnus Bane and you should be too - Some thoughts about being bisexual in this strange, strange world

Sexuality has always been an issue in my life. It doesn’t seem like it today, because I do my best to act as if I had totally embrace who I am, but it was never that simple. A few years ago, bisexuality wasn’t even a thing I knew about and when I say that, you have to understand that I was already acting as a bisexual at the time and not so young anymore. But I come from a world where you don’t talk about sex, relationships or love. I never had “the talk” with my parents, all I ever knew about sex, I learned on TV or at school. My parents never supported me when a boy broke my heart, because it would happen again and it wasn’t a big deal. So, of course, I never told them that if I was so sad or weird, or if I didn't have any friends at school, it was because I was afraid of the way I felt about my girl friends. The first time I accepted my feelings for a girl, I was already nineteen, actually. But still, I knew I was different way longer before that, back in middle school when all the girls would spend hours talking about the boys and all I wanted was to spend my time with some girl I liked to call my best friend. The only other different kid I knew for almost fifteen years was a boy in middle school who liked to wear dresses and whom others kids would hit almost everyday for it. I don’t even remember his name, because I spend so much time acting like I didn’t see him. 

Today, I have no problem in saying I’m bisexual. All my friends are very accepting of this, my mom never says a word when I talk about it in front of her, my husband supports me in my fight for bisexual rights. Everything seems good. Except that, when I start talking about the fact that bisexuals need more recognition, most of those accepting people are taken aback. To them, “it’s 2019, no one cares about other people’s sexuality and those who do care are morons”. I love my friends for that, for being really open-minded and not treating people differently because of who they are, who they love or how they look like. Some would say they are really naive to think that way and they would be right. Because the world isn’t like they think it is.

I remember when I was sixteen and I met my first serious boyfriend. He was great and he was always more than happy when I was a little too drunk and kissed a girl in front of him. He was the typical straight guy who thought he could have sex with two girls if his girlfriend was so open. Then we broke up for a few months, I dated a girl for the first time in that period and when we got back together, we’d have huge fights anytime I’d approach a girl. It wasn’t fun and exciting anymore. It was a problem because I could have had sex with the girl without him if I ever wanted to. We broke up for good after a three-years relationship because of it, because he couldn’t accept the fact that I liked girls but I loved him only. Because of him, because of the way he felt when I was spending time with a girl, I wondered if I was really honest with myself. I wondered if, maybe, I was just gay and I wouldn’t accept it. I wasn’t. I’m not. 

But this proves that bisexuals aren’t “no big deal”. They are transparent. I’m 26 now, and my sexuality is sometimes still an issue. I started volunteering for the LGBTQA+ center of my city this year and it was as great as it was awful. I met wonderful people and most of them don’t even know I’m bi or married to a guy. When I talked with some of them, they just assumed I was married to a girl and I didn’t say otherwise. Some called me a “sympathisant” when I said I wasn’t a lesbian. Some would be really awful with bisexuals in front of me, because they didn’t know about me. I like them all, but they think people like me have no business at the association, even though the “B” in “LGBTQA+” is for Bisexuals… The worst part is that, for some people I met in the past, the simple fact that I’m married to a guy is proof that I’m kinda “cured” of my attraction to girls. This is really stupid, but something I have to live with everyday. 

When I first met Magnus Bane, I was already 23 and in a three-years relationship with my husband. This is going to sound crazy but it was the first time in my life that I heard of a bisexual character in a successful teen novel. And Magnus was… He was that guy who would wear make-up for the exact same reason I do : to hide the scars on his soul, to tell the world “I’m great and I’m happy and everything is fine”. He was that guy who was so sassy and funny and a little effeminate maybe, but so powerful that no one would mess with him. He was awesome. He could wear make-up and kicked ass, he could love a boy and assumed that he loved a girl before and every other character would respect him, loved him, cared for him. He was the best and I wish I would have known him when I was a teenager. Because he was all I’ve ever wanted to be : a kind, loving and badass bisexual person. I feel more connected to Alec because we have the same kind of personality, the older sibling who has to be the best kind, but Magnus is the one I love the most. He is a good character, a great example for young readers and an awesome representation for bisexuals. Growing up, I knew no one like him in the books I loved. Harry Potter was my favorite, but when I learned that Dumbledore was gay, it wasn’t as great : it didn’t really show in the books and well… He was gay, I’m not. 

I know there is a lot of bi characters in other books. But, when you’re twelve, you don’t really read those books and most young adult novels with important LGBTQA+ characters are for LGBTQA+ readers. Your mom won’t pick up a book with a gay boy as the hero if you’re not her gay son. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only bi girl who was still questioning her sexuality at twelve. It would have been so great if one of my favorite books had a bi character. I wouldn’t have felt so alone growing up. My highschool best friend is today in a serious relationship with another girl. Back in highschool, she would tell me everything, but she never told me she liked girls too. Actually, she even spent a lot of her time acting as if she was madly in love with some asshole of our class. Maybe she really was, I don’t know. I lied too and never told her I was in love with her. Because we lived in a straight world, watching straight people being straight. I met a gay person for the first time at sixteen. This is crazy. I knew they existed, but not in my life and I was so scared to be gay too because of this, because I had no one to understand what it would be. So I pretend I like that guy or that one. Sometimes, I really did. Most of the time, I didn’t. It was really painful and I grew up self-conscious and ashamed of myself, of what I wanted and what I felt. 

Now I look like some obsessed fangirl when it comes to Magnus Bane, even though I’m an adult and I have a lot more in my mind that some good-looking actor on TV. Some gay guys may even think I’m that weird straight girl who fantasises about gay men having sex - wich I’m not, FYI, sex is still a complex subject for me and I can’t tell I like thinking about Malec in a bed. But I don’t care because, really, Magnus is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ok, maybe my husband is, so Magnus comes second. But still. He is what I needed to become myself, ten years ago. He happened too late for me, but he did and I’m kinda happy that he exists in pop culture for others kids who could need the best bi guy in the world to feel better. I hope they know about him and I hope that, in the future, there will be much more Magnus-like characters in books, so young LGBTQA+ never feel alone and straight kids never think there is no greatness in difference. As in my favorite childhood book, I grew up thinking same-sex attraction was something you had to hide for the most part, until you needed to talk about it on twitter. But being bisexual is more like Magnus is : awesome and colorful. It’s a chance, a power, it’s great and not some invisible thing you hide in the shadows. Being yourself should never be something transparent. Magnus taught me that. He’s bi, yes, but he’s so much more than that, too. He exists and shines outside his relationship with Alec. He is human and kind and open-minded. He has scars, fears, he’s been hurt in the past and sometimes he makes mistakes. But he stays true to himself, always, as we should all do. So yeah, Magnus Bane is a young adult novel’s character and he’s my model in life. Deal with it !

[weissfai-blog1]

Loving the Dangerous You

My mind is now bombarded with so many stories for AePete. I just love Ae and Pete and they are what I will call a soulmate. I learn about Multi-Verse by watching CLAMP stories and what always get me and touch my heart is their aspect of soulmates. That in whatever 'multi-verse' you and your soulmate will be together. A very strong connection. Stronger than the red string of fate. It is the calling of your soul to another. I am creating different AU with Ae and Pete as always.

A university with a different set of rules. AePete AU. My second headcanon.

“Will you be scared to love someone as dangerous as me?”

There’s a hierarchy in every high school and university. The one who tops them all is the Leader and the one who can command so many students to do his bidding. In order  to be the current leader, one must beat the crap out of the previous one. A so-called ceremony. 

Ae become the leader when he was just a freshman, a feat no one ever achieve. He didn’t mean too, but as the man who always steps in to protect his friends, he become one. Regardless whether he likes it or not.

It was actually an accident, Pond was being a nosy ass and without meaning to, he was challenged by the Current Leader, and Ae being Ae, cleaning some of the mess made by Pond, he steps in and in a hand to hand fight won the challenge. 

Everyone was in awe and most of their jaw drops cause Ae may be small but he punch a mean wallop and the leader was turn into a pulp. 

The thing is Ae when in the offense can be deadly that’s why he’d rather use his feet than his hands. So he plans to join the football team of the university.

From that day, respect and admiration was thrown to Ae, even though he doesn’t like the spot light.

The kids (freshmen & seniors) in the school respects their new leader and is awe that he is righteous and will avoid any fight if necessary but when push comes to shove, Ae can kick anyone’s ass. He may be 178cm (5ft8in) only but he can punch someone taller than him and left them in dust.

Many girls are scared of Ae because he may not be taller than some men but he has a sturdy and well-built muscles. His muscles are often flex when playing football. But most of the brave girls can be seen hanging around the football field.

Pond was enjoying it, after all, being the BEST FRIEND & THE RIGHT HAND of the Ai Shorty Boss, he gets to have some gifts too.

Ae doesn’t accept gifts but Pond accepts it on his behalf.

Ae is not interested in any of the girls who confess to him here and there.

He is more focus on football, academics (especially in English cause he is super bad at it) and being a leader.

Being a leader is no joke. Before going home to their dorm (Pond & Ae shares a room) he must check first that no one is hurt badly in the infirmary (injuries that are sustain in school is not his worry). He must also check that no one was being threatened especially the first years who are easy targets.

And when a challenge from other school was officially delivered, he as the leader needs to answer it.

So far, news spread that Ai Ae – The Beast have top the other university leaders and have not lose a fight.

It’s a simple territory rules. There’s five major university in the city. The leaders of each university exist in the first place to stop bloodshed and gang wars that’s form by delinquent students who think they can rule. It is recognized by the university and their professors.

Actually, the teachers are relying most of the time to the leaders cause then the leaders can take care of students who strays.  

The Dorm: GREENWOOD is no ordinary dorm. It was owned by a Japanese man who fell in love with a Thai woman and because they cannot have a baby, built the dorm near the university to take care of many students as possible.

It has a decent bed that host two students, bathroom, study desk and cabinets. Food are served in its very own cafeteria.

Its an all-boys dorm. There are several female dorms but GREENWOOD is most famous for caring the ‘hottest boys’ in the University.

It’s the middle of the semester when a new transfer student was introduced to the university.

Pete is a transfer student. Rumours immediately surround him as the ‘Mistress’ of the other Leader from his previous university.

Pete was said to transferred because of a scandal.

Ae haven’t met Pete because he was busy with the incoming mid examination and football competition with the other department.

But Ae heard a great deal about Pete: looks prettier than any girl, tall, pretty, white, cute, brown hair, slender, cute… there are so many descriptions but the words: pretty and cute keeps on popping out here and there.

Ae can only think of Dear, his highschool friend as cute, Dear is smaller than Ae and often needed help but Ae wont hesitate to kick Dear’s ass especially when Dear is being an annoying prick once or twice.  

Ae met Pete when the later was push to the wall by a student from the other school (Ae doesn’t recognize the uniform) and Pete was about to be punched when he intervene.

Ae was there before that someone landed a punch to Pete, he throws his bag.

Ae was super angry that some twerp from other school will threaten their students. The student tried to fight, but Ae beat him to it, by landing a mean punch on his stomach, the student then doubled in pain and curse Ae and Pete. 

The student shouted, ‘This is not the last Pete! Trump will kill you! Remember that you belong to him! He’ll haunt you! We’ll haunt you!’

Ae turn around and was about to shout and asked Pete when he was struck on his tracks.

Ae never thought that the day will come he will be speechless to see a person so beautiful. The transfer student carefully stand in his full height and Ae notice this beautiful creature is tall, with pretty soft brown hair that covers his forehead, the eyes that stares back at him are teary-eyed but he notice the beautiful brown colour of them – doe eyes, long eyelashes, cute chubby cheeks and red lips form in cupid’s bow.

Ae gulped and shook his head, and when the image of the other is still there, he tried to help him by giving the backpack. ‘Here. Are you okay?’

Pete nodded, ‘Thank you… uhm…’

‘Ae. That’s my name. What’s yours?’

‘Pete’

‘Ah. You’re the transfer student.’ Ae looks at Pete once again and he wanted to change the rumours spreading, this is no cute nor pretty, this is beautiful and angelic if they’ll ask him.

Ae found out that Pete is staying in Greenwood with a room to himself. Greenwood can accept special request like that, though the student should pay double as he is occupying the other side of the room too. There are only 10 special rooms like that.

Since that meeting, many students have observed that Ae treats Pete special, especially Pond who was born to be a nosy best friend. 

When a second assault happen, this time, Ae was not able to be fast enough to help Pete – there were three students who punch Pete and Ae, Pond and Ping was there to help Pete. 

Ae then proclaim to his underling that Pete will be guarded by three or four people especially when he’s busy.

His underlings can see that Pete is very special to Ae, even though Ae keeps on denying that he is treating Pete the same as the others. Just that Pete needs more protection.

His underlings just rolled their eyes and shook their head. They knew a man with a crush and yet dumb jock don’t know it himself.

Pete is very shy and told Ae that he is okay, but Ae insisted that he needs his protection. They are friends. And being friends will start who the hell is Trump and why is Pete being assaulted.

Pete was reluctant to say anything but only told him, ‘P’Trump was a friend. We were close when we were little. We grew up together… and his the only one who accepted me…’ 

‘Accepted?’ Ae’s brow furrows. 

‘I am gay.’

‘So?’

‘Ae… I like men.’

‘So?’

Pete this time has his brow frown, ‘Ae. It means I’m not normal. I am different. I can only get attracted to men…’

‘And so? What’s wrong with being gay? Is that a sickness? No. You’re still you.’

‘Ae doesn’t think I’m weird? Abnormal?’

Ae flick Pete’s forehead, ‘You’re weirdly beautiful. I thought you were an angel at first sight. Abnormal? Just because you’re gay? That’s ridiculous. You can love anyone you want, there’s nothing wrong with it. What’s wrong are the people who pushes their opinions to others and hurt others.’

‘Ae…’

‘Now, tell me, is that all? But why are they assaulting you?’

‘Ae… can I not say it now?’ 

Ae sighs and looks at Pete’s eyes. ‘I wont force you today. But sooner or later you will tell me. I don’t want you to keep secrets from me Pete… please.’

Days, weeks and months, Ae and Pete grew closer. So close that Ae thinks there’s something wrong with his heart. He doesn’t know why he wants to see Pete everyday, every freakin’ second of the day. He doesn’t understand the possessiveness he felt whenever Pete will talk to Pond, Sun, Type, Champ, and the others. Hell he even hates it when girls are flirting with Pete. Ae thanks Bow and Chaaim when they dismisses the girls. 

Their rituals are known to the whole university:

Ae and Pete will eat breakfast at the dorm cafeteria

Ae will accompany Pete until he reaches his classroom (even the professors are so used to this scene)

Pete will be seen when Ae is on football practice

Pete will stay in one corner of the room when Pond and Ping delivers to Ae the reports of students who were into fights, who was injured due to street fights and so on. And Pete accompanied Ae whenever Ae visits the infirmary. 

Pete is also present when some sub leaders will challenge Ae. Pete is a witness on how scary and how Ae can punch and kick someone and left them like a pulp.

Sun, the other best friend of Ae asked this to Ae one time, ‘Are you sure Pete is not hiding something more important?’

‘What do you mean?’ Ae asked dangerously.

‘Well, your Angel is always present whenever you are being challenged. But for someone who looks delicate and soft, he doesn’t flinched when you punch someone. Usually someone delicate even Dear will flinched and cover their faces. But Pete just looks and deadpan.’

Ae didn’t say anything because he knew about that. Pete doesn’t look distraught or anything, but would come to him with a towel or a first aid kit. At first he wanted to ask if his okay seeing so much blood, but Pete just took care of him like its his work.

They were all on a ‘group date’ to watch a movie in the city. And Ae was surprised at how Pete was really popular, maybe because at school no one approaches Pete because they knew Pete is under his protection, but outside the school, Pete is being approach here and there. Sun, Pond, Ping, Dear, Oat are laughing and telling Ae he needs to move fast cause it looks like Pete is hot and not only females, but male eyes are following Pete whenever he goes. 

Ae accompanied Pete at the front of Pete’s room. Pete told Ae, ‘Ae, I have something for you, actually for N’Yim. Its snacks from Europe. My aunt bought so many for me. And I’m wondering if you can give them to N’Yim.’

Ae nodded and both entered Pete’s room.

Pete then remembered that his room has a weird switch location and he turns around to open the switch when his lips accidentally graze Ae’s lips. 

There was silence. 

Both doesn’t know how much redness on their face for the whole room is still covered in darkness, only a small dim light from the outside can be seen.

Pete was about to open the switch when Ae stops his hand and grasp his waist and kiss him.

‘Pete. I think… I think I like you. I know that this is not like for a brother, a friend… but something else. A like that wants me to kiss you again… and again.’

‘Ae…’

‘Pete… can I kiss you again.’

Pete nodded and they shared a kiss so hot and so tender.

Ae smiles while he lies on his bed. 

Pete wore a worried frown on his face. He then opens his phone and type a message to

Pete: P’Trump. We need to talk.

Trump: Are you ready to surrender?

Pete: No.

Trump: Then let’s talk tomorrow. 10am. The usual warehouse.

Pete: See you.

Pete stands at the warehouse exactly 10am and true to his words, Trump is there with ten of his minions.

‘Pete. I told you to come back to me. I need you.’

‘P’Trump. I thought you were my friend. But you used me.’

‘Pete. I never used you. You needed me. I am offering you a chance to belong.’

‘I never wanted to belong to a bloody gang!’

‘So you’d rather be a Leader’s bitch?! I heard about it Pete! You’re that midget’s bitch!’

‘Ae is not like that.’

‘Now, you’re defending him. Let’s see if you can lose your touch.’

Trump nodded and ten of his minions surrounds Pete.

‘Please P… don’t do this…’

Trump turn around.

He heard nothing but grunts and screams of pain. It was when he heard a crying that he turns around and he saw it.

Pete standing with a dangerous look on his eyes and face.

All the men are sprawled on his feet. 

‘So you never lose your touch. You’re still the Bloody Angel of Death.’

‘Stop going and trying to make me came back. I will not fight anymore for you. I don’t want anymore bloodshed!’

‘Does your Master know this?’

Pete’s fist tightened and looks at the carnage before him.

All Trumps men are in pain, crack ribs, blood everywhere from their face to their arms. He was not able to stop himself when he crack one’s arm and he knew it was broken.

‘So he doesn’t know… Pete come back to me.’

‘No P. I think its time we end this. Please don’t come back looking for me anymore.’

Pete walks away but Trump shouted, ‘You think he will accept you? He will never accept an abnormal man like you Pete! You’re a psychopath! You have a twisted other side in you! He will despise you!’

Ae was worried when Pete didn’t reply on his text messages and was not in his room. He had and his minions looks for him everywhere, he was so out of his mind of worry when a text message came to him after three days.

Ai Koon Chai: Ae Krub. I’m sorry. There was an emergency at home. I’ll be back tomorrow.

AE: As long as you’re okay. See you tomorrow.

Ae wanted to ask so many things but he held himself back.

Pete at his room balcony looks at the sky. 

‘Ae… will you be able to accept me? The real me?’

Pete Pitchaya Pecharn Worachoti, the only son of Pum Pecharn Worachoti. A hard man whose associated at secret military opts, taught him military instructed martial arts to defend himself, and Pete has been in multiple fights with men a full head taller and has more muscle mass than him and still win easily. 

Pum taught Pete to defend himself especially as he looks so much like his mother, beautiful and skinny. Pum will often throw Pete inside a ring to fight one of the soldiers under Pum. 

Pete has beaten up multiple large men despite him being as scrawny and built as a girl.

Pete then developed a certain side in him, he doesn’t want to fight, but when he is threatened it triggers him to protect himself and most often than not, the other party will end up with either a broken face or a broken bones. 

Trump uses this advantage to help him secure being a leader, after all Trump is the only friend of Pete and the only one who knew about him being gay.

Pete decided to hide this side from Ae. As Ae was very determine to protect him and he doesn’t want Ae to abandon him. With Ae he felt himself and comfortable… and he likes Ae… more than a friend.

But for now, he cannot accept Ae’s like. Because he doesn’t deserve it as he is hiding so many things.

[chameleon-cryptid]

♻️ Rhyan

Rhyan from another universe (it’s going to be ours) or timeline (two time lines here).  Warnings for homophobia, implied drug use, and implied skankery: 

(whoops, this turned out really long and I didn’t proof read it. OH WELL)

_______________

“Oh look.Here he comes. The fag with his flute. I bet you like playing the skin flute too.”

“You know you’re going to hell, Rhyan. God hates fags!”

What did these jerks know about hell. For Rhyan, he was in it already. The halls of his highschool were lined with demons who seemed content on making this his own living hell. There wasn’t a day that went by where he wasn’t taunted, beat, or otherwise humiliated and ridiculed for who he was. He ignored it most of the time, but for some reason, it got to him today. He took off, running, trying to get to the place where he knew he was safe. Where he wasn’t a fag or a fairy. Where he was respected. 

He only stopped when he got to the musical instrument storage room in the music wing. The tears were already there though as he stormed in to the room, full of other students. Concerned voices reached out to him, but he wasn’t hearing them properly. 

“Rhyan? Are you okay?”

“Are those guys fucking with you again?”

“I’m going to go tell Mr. Aston. Those guys should be expelled.”

In the back of his mind, he heard that and shook his head, wiping away tears. “No...no I’m fine.”

He was always fine. Never reported it. He didn’t want to be trouble. His father would argue that kids bully each other and that his youngest son should man up, maybe throw a punch out if someone was bothering him. Rhyan theorised that if his father had been a classmate of his, he’d be one of the ones bullying him. It hurt. Suddenly, though, his vision was full of blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Fuck those guys, Rhyan. Or rather don’t. You’re way too good-looking for them. Want me to shove my snare right up their asshole?” 

Rhyan blushed. Mike was section leader of the percussion section, president of the marching band, and generally just a wonderful person. He was liked by everyone, attractive, smart. Rhyan had a bit of a crush on him, but then ...so did Mike’s girlfriend.

“No..I’m fine, Mike. Really I am.”

“Well...seriously though, fuck those guys. You’re the best musician in this school, best singer. What have those shits ever done. Like...their biggest accomplishment is probably kissing their cousins behind the shed at the family reunion. Fucking backwards, inbred hicks. Forget about them. You’ll have the last laugh someday when you’re famous.” The blonde teenager grinned, patting Rhyan’s forearm a bit harder than Rhyan would’ve liked but he realised the guy didn’t know his own strength.

Rhyan hoped MIke was right. Maybe one day. If he practised really hard. 

*********

Rhyan lounged in his hotel suite on a couch, eyes closed, shirtless, slightly drunk, amidst the chatter and noise of groupies and fans, makeup artists, roadies, PAs, lackeys, and techies. He’d just finished another sold out show and was still basking in the glow of the applause. He was vaguely aware that someone beautiful had slithered up beside him and was leaning provocatively toward him. Opening his eyes, his vision is met with a gorgeous young man, dark hair, pale eyes, tanned skin. Rhyan couldn’t help but smirk.

“Well, hello there.” He says to the unfamiliar face. Ah, the joy of groupies.

He was just about to get to know this particular person a little better when one of the members of security walked up. “Sorry, Mr. Charm. Coupla guys out here say they know you from marching band and highschool. Asked if they could come say hello.”

Rhyan reluctantly extracted his tongue from the groupie’s mouth and leaned back sighing. He was quiet for a moment, a little peeved at being interrupted. But if they were friends from marching band, he should see them. After all, they were his only comfort growing up. He nods finally. 

“Okay, show them in.” he said and turned back to look at the man beside him for a brief moment while the security guard went off to fetch the guys. “I’ll talk to you again in a couple minutes. You know, I always stay in this hotel when I tour here. The bathrooms have incredibly large tubs.”

The groupie grinned. He got the hint, standing and heading off toward the bathroom, throwing a coy look over his shoulder. Rhyan grinned watching him but then got distracted by the sight of his backup guitarist accidentally dumping a bunch of cocaine on the floor. 

“For fuck’s sake, Joe, if you can’t even manage to get the coke up your nose, maybe it’s time to call it a night.” He complained, though he was ignored except for being flipped off. He laughed a little bit as security showed up with his supposed former friends.

Rhyan froze. These weren’t friends from marching band. They were his bullies. The guys who made his four years of highschool a living hell. He stared up at these men, and suddenly he was fifteen again, running through the halls, crying his eyes out.

“Rhyan...hey. Do you...do you remember us? We went to highschool together.” One of them said.

“We really love your latest album. I mean, everyone knew in highschool you were gonna be big. Didn’t you win Most Musical for our graduating class?”

“Oh yeah, he didn’t didn’t he? Remember you sang the national anthem for the football games. You remember us, right. Chad and Tim. God, this is a fucking awesome party.” The first prattled on.

Rhyan was motionless, staring at the two as they tried to get Rhyan to acknowledge that he knew them. He dug his fingernails into his knees and clenched his jaw. How dare they. How dare they come and encroach on his territory. Those guys who used to make a big deal about even sitting in a seat he used for fear of ‘getting AIDS from the homo’. Rhyan was livid. But he was a performer. So he smiled. 

“Of course I remember you two. What sort of business are you in now?” He asked congenially.

“Oh, Chad here works in construction. Excavator operator and I got a job Benton Foundary.” Tim said. 

Rhyan nodded. “You guys married? Got any kids.”

Chad nods, smiling sheepishly. “Two kids. Not married anymore, but...well, single life eh!” he says gesturing around to the party.

Rhyan laughed a little. “Ah, yeah, it’s a good life.”

Tim nods enthusiastically eyeing a groupie in a lewdly appraising manner. “Yeah, single life.” He was wearing a wedding ring. 

Rhyan gave them a bit of a Look. Sure Rhyan was promiscuous, but he was at least honest about it. 

“It really is a good life. A great life.” Rhyan continued. “My life, it is fucking fantastic.” His voice was raising a bit, carrying through the room as more and more people at the party listened. People always listened to him. You didn’t get to be lead singer of an incredibly successful rock band if people didn’t want to listen to you.

“Amazing, life. I’ve got three houses, you know? One in California, one in London, and one down in the Caribbean. I’ve got ten cars. Though cars have never really been my thing. I like the motorbikes better. My accountant keeps telling me to stop buying them..but...” he shrugs, standing. “my willpower for something sporty and fast is non-existent...”

“I’ve stayed in the fanciest hotels, eaten at the best restaurants, and gone to the most exclusive clubs on earth. Met celebrities, royalty, politicians. And at one point...” He steps forward then, gesturing with his hands as the two men watch him frowning, only now realising that Rhyan’s making a point. “...at one point, I looked around at my lavish lifestyle and said...what am I doing with myself. All this wealth and I’m not giving back. So I started donating to charities. Lending my name, my voice, my image to charities that help combat bullying toward gay, lesbian, transgender teenagers. To find them support. Did you buy my album? Attend any of my shows? Some of those proceeds went toward that charity. So thanks guys. Not only did you inspire my charitable work, but you contributed to it, too.” he was nearly shouting now.

The room was a bit quiet then. Most of the partiers had no clue what was going on and why Rhyan was ranting at them. But from the back of the suite, a voice rang out. 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” The percussionist from Rhyan’s band cried out. In a moment, Mike was at Rhyan’s side, pointing at the two men. “Fuck those guys, Rhyan! They made your life fucking hell in highschool. Fuck them.”

Chad recognised the man, eyes widening. “Mike. Hey..come on buddy. We were kids. Boys will be boys, eh?”

MIke threw out a punch. A hard one. Right at Chad’s face. The man crumpled to the ground holding his nose. Rhyan’s eyes widenend and he covered his mouth with his hand, shocked at the splatter of blood that came out of the punch. 

“Miserable fucks” Mike said as Chad cradled his face and Tim just looked shocked. “Get these assholes out of here.” Mike said to the security guard who radioed for assistance before dragging the two out. 

Rhyan was still stunned as Mike shook out his bruised hand, frowning a bit and muttering something about suing if he’s broken it over that asshole’s nose.

“Mike..they’re gonna go to the press. You’ll get arrested for assault!” he said in a panicked voice.

“Please, battery at the most.” He gave a horned symbol with his fingers ironically. “Rock star life, yeah?” He said then ambled back across the room to his wife who was most definitely looking a little unimpressed muttering about how security could have taken care of the guys. 

Rhyan took a deep breath. He was definitely glad he wasn’t completely sober, otherwise he might’ve been freaking out now, on the phone to his publicist, making sure she could fix it. 

“Rhyan, are you coming? I ..met a friend on the way to the bathroom and we thought you were coming to join us.” The dark haired groupie from earlier called out from the bathroom door while a blonde one poked his head out too. “Look, I know you’re a rockstar and all and used to people doing whatever you say, but we’re gonna start without you if you don’t hurry up.” The blonde said with a challenging little smirk. Fiesty. Rhyan liked it. 

Rhyan smiled a little. “Sorry fellas.” he said and made his way over to bathroom, but not before looking over to Mike who was looked like he was being berated by his wife. He caught his best friend’s eyes and smiled his thanks to him. Mike in return nodded then gave the horned finger symbol again, mouthing ‘rock star life’ back at him. 

Rhyan grinned and chuckled. He loved his life, and in the end, Mike was right. He had had the last laugh.

[abcdefgcookiemonster]

the thorn in pride's side

so when people talk about pride, they talk about their struggles to overcome society's chains that have been confining them since birth and their families, their peers, coworkers, the suffering and the journey. i have the utmost respect for those stories and i would gladly sit and listen to each and every one, as i have with everyone ive met with a story to tell. but when it comes to me, i stay quiet. im gay. yay, except im nothin special. being gay is no gift according to those who cant live in their homes because they have homophobic parents or those who cant get a job because they live in rural homophobic towns, or a myriad of reasons. but then again, being gay grants you an all access pass to some of the wisest souls youll ever meet--those who are trans and live a different narrative, we get to connect because were not bread, were cakes of all kinds; those who are bisexual and share so many similarities yet live an even more complicated life and have to be so strong to be true to themselves-- there are so many more i cant write them all out but props to the aces and aros who have to pave their own path in this sex/romance driven world, props to the pans who have to call themselves bi sometimes because people are too dense to grasp simplicity, props to polys who may not find someone as cool with polyamory as they hope, or polys who have to hide from the world bc poly marriage is still illegal. props to everyone i missed and all the inbetweenies. i have so much respect for you all. and then, theres me. how can i have so much respect and pride in all these existences i just called upon, and not be proud of myself? because im in a funk this pride? because i lost my will to hope? because i hate the concept of time? maybe, but i think its more to do with me. i knew i was into girls the summer after fourth grade--sleepover, my house, truth or dare. i had no choice, but despite how much i protested having my first kiss be as a dare, i awoke the queer in me. it was julia, my first kiss. and my next few too. and since im stubborn and secretive, i simply kept it to me and my friends and believed there was nothing wrong with liking girls. they all called it "practice for when we date boys" but i knew better, and i was a lil hoe in elementary and middle school. i was thriving, while also getting heartbroken by all of my friends. picture highschool now, where no one knew because i hadnt dated before so how was anyone supposed to know? i finally dated and gained my rep as gay, and finally fell in love with susan. she was the moon and the stars and the flowers and the rain. she was my first real love and she was honestly my only real love. after susan there was ailinh, who i thought i loved but she really loved someone else, and then kenz, who i really wanted to love but she'd been hurt too many times, too recently, and just is doing bigger and better things than dating. susan and kenz both stayed my friends, and ailinh has the open invite whenever she wants it, but why should any of that make me proud? if i should be proud of anyone, its the one i loved and the one i wish id gotten to love. im just me, im just here, waiting, wishing i didnt have to rely on intimacy or sex or support or companionship because all its doing today is weakening me. sure, its for a girl. woopty doo. but the fact of the matter is, im just alone and proud of everyone but myself. no one reads this but if you do, i dont need to hear that i should be proud of myself because im just one shard in a mosaic of beauty, and a shard like me wont disrupt the harmony of the beauty. of course i dont mean anyone else is invalidated, i just cant bring myself to be proud of myself, not because i cant accept pride, but because i dont feel like im anything worth being proud of. happy. pride. (#pridedepression yes this is a great combo make me feel like im apart during a time where were supposed to feel a whole. fuck me uP).

[illnessandinjury]

Multiples of 2 for the ask meme thing~

How can I win your heart?Are you happy with where you live?Thank you for the ask, sweetie!

2.)Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

I get good morning texts from both my boyfriend and my girlfriend!

4.)Do you find it easy to trust others?

For some reason - yes. I kinda hate it tbh, but I will overshare my whole life story with literally anyone. There are some very few things, though, that only the closest people to me know.

6.)You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? 

So when I drink, I only drink with a special select few people. So either my three very close friends whom I drink with, my mother, or either or my partners.

8.) Are you close with your dad? 

Sadly not! I did used to be very close with him until he got remarried to a literal Satan incarnate. Now, when I text my dad, I can almost guarantee she’s the one replying and then deleting the messages before my dad can see them - sooooo

10.) What are you listening to? 

Right now - I’m just listening to the storm going on outside

12.)Do you like hickeys? 

Not really? I’m asexual, so it’s more-so like, “Why are you sucking on my skin, stop it.”

14.)Is there someone who continuously lets you down? 

My brothers :’^)

16.)Do you always answer your texts? 

I do! I always feel bad if I don’t respond hahaha.

18.)When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? 

I just had a conversation with my best friend from highschool about my possible engagement!

20.) What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? 

Honestly, I don’t know. I usually try and imagine illness/injury fanfiction in my bed before heading off to sleep?? So probably that??

22.)Do you believe what goes around comes around? 

I do, actually! Karma plays a big role in the Wiccan faith!

24.) Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? 

Nope! I’m a burden barer and I don’t let go hahaha

26.)What colour is the shirt you are wearing? 

Pastel Pink and White!

28.)Is anyone ignoring you right now? 

Nope!

30.)Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? 

The last person I kissed was my boyfriend - so if it was my girlfriend kissing him, I wouldn’t care no! Some random girl on the street though? I might me a little miffed haha.

32.) Are you mad at anyone?

Mmm, not really, no!

34.)How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 

It was my boyfriend, as mentioned above, and he will be 22!

36.) Do you have any summer plans yet? 

OKAY SO YES I DO. In August (counts as Summer, shut up, let me have this moment) I am going to be quitting my shitty factory job, then my girlfriend is flying over from NORTHERN IRELAND to shitty ol’ OHIO. All three of us are going to go on my family vacation to Florida for a week, and THEN after she goes back home - I’ll be going to college!

38.) Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? 

I mean - there are things that I probably won’t tell them ever tbh. I DID however tell them my kink when I was very drunk once and they were like “Oh, that’s interesting.”

40.)Have you ever regretted kissing someone? 

My ex :’^)  I regret that whole relationship tbh.

42.)Are you available? 

Like what kind of available? To get pasta? CERTAINLY. To date? No - I’m very happy taken by the two loves of my life

44.) If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Okay, so I’ve had A LOT of piercings, but the only one I’ve kept was my septum. I miss my Medusa piercing a lot - so I’d say if I had the chance I would get that done again!

46.) Do you regret anything? 

ONLY EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO BEING 18 YEARS OLD, MY FRIEND

48.) Did you ever lose a best friend? 

So I had a best friend in highschool, and she left when we were going into our Sophomore year and then when I heard back from her only about three years later - she was married, had two kids, and lived in Germany.

50.) Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? 

The only person I’m not pursuing that I like are fictional characters.

52.) Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? 

Everyday! He’s actually going to be coming home in a couple hours!

54.) Did you get any compliments today? 

I actually got a lot at work today, because I dyed my hair and cut my bangs. My TL thought I was a new associate so there’s that hahah. Also, my girlfriend showers me with compliments on the HOUR soooo - yes! I did! And if you, reading this, didn’t??? WELL GUESS WHAT YOU LOOK GREAT AND I LOVE YOU.

56.) Do you own anything from other countries? 

I mean, I’ve orders some anime figures from Japan - does that count? Hahhaha. I would also say a keychain my girlfriend sent me of her own art - and the little card she sent with it!

58.)Where have you lived most of your life? 

I have lived out the entirety of my life in Ohio.

60.) Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? 

Nope!

62.) Who do you text the most? 

Probably my girlfriend - I would say she ties with my boyfriend, but not really considering he and I live together, and she lives across the ocean hahaha.

64.) What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? 

Well, my for my boyfriend? I am his first and only girlfriend - so um.. nothing. And my girlfriend - I guess I’m just too amazing -flexes arm muscles-

66.)Is the last person you kissed younger than you? 

Nope! Older by 2 years!

68.)Are you happy with where you live? 

NOPE. I am moving into a new house in a couple weeks, which will be super nice because it’s gorgeous! BUT I still hate Ohio, and honestly would just like to move out of the United States.

70.)Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? 

Lololololo. If my previous answers didn’t answer this already, I don’t know what will hahah. I am in a polyamorous relationship - so DOWN WITH THE MONOGAMY. Just kidding - monogamy isn’t bad!

72.)What do you most like about making out? 

I don’t like it, hahah. Too much saliva and messy-ness. I like continuous kisses though! Just no more than like.. five.

74.) When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? 

Hmmm, I’d say it’s about 50/50 tbh!

76.) Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

Technically, my girlfriend over text! But then my boyfriend came to check on me, woke me up, and told me goodnight?? SO LIKE?? BOTH???

78.) Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? 

Buddy... I am a virgin hahaha.

80.) Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? 

Ehhhh?? Probably not?? I don’t like kids hahaha.

82.)Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? 

IF I HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE - LITERALLY EVERYONE AROUND ME IS GOING TO KNOW. I will stand up like a preacher at church and be like “you see this cute motherfucker? i have a crush on them.”

84.) Last time you slow danced with someone? 

Uhhh - I think I slow danced with my boyfriend one morning while making breakfast like a month or so ago?? But like at a DANCE? Probably my senior prom hahaha.

86.) How can I win your heart? 

Be a cat.

88.) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 

SLEEPING because I wake up each morning at 5:30am.

90.)Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? 

This is a fucking weirdly specific question??? But no, I haven’t.

92.) Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years, and then my girlfriend came along and I’m like “CAN I DATE HER PLEASE” and my boyfriend was like “sure go for it” and I was like “YEEEEE” but I wouldn’t date more than two people at a time tbh.

94.) Name four things that you wish you had! 

A lot of fucking money, a job I loved, a house right on the beach, and endless cookie dough.

96.)Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? 

NOPE BUT I’M ABOUT TO IN AUGUST WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND VISITS. KISSES FOR BOTH MY PARTNERS ALL THE TIME. ALL DAY - EVERY DAY.

98.)Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? 

I met my girlfriend on tumblr, hahaha. THIS tumblr, actually. BROUGHT TOGETHER BY KINK

100.)Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? 

My girlfriend, hahaha. I could see myself going out on a friendly pizza date with a ton of you other kinksters though.

102.) Are you too shy to ask someone out? 

At the moment? No. In general - yes!

104.)Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? 

YES. I LIVE FOR PET NAMES TBH.

106.)Do you flirt a lot? 

To the people I’m already dating - yes. I am a flirt master with them hahaha - or at least I think I am. I’m probably really bad at it hahahah.

108.)Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? 

Nope!

110.) If you could kiss anyone who would it be? 

Time to get gay - I can’t wait to kiss my girlfriend tbh??? Like, she lives so far away and I JUST WANNA SMOOCH HER.

112.) Does someone like you currently? 

I mean, geez - I hope both my partners like me hahaha. Also, there is this forklift driver at work who is SUPER into me.

114.)Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? 

I GET IN RELATIONSHIPS FOR THE LONG RUN - LIKE PUT A RING ON ME

116.)Are you happier single or in a relationship? 

I am most definitely happier in a relationship tbh. I am a super dependent person due to my history - and I really, REALLY hate being alone!

[canaryatlaw]

Alright well today has actually been really awesome! Currently on the train home, so starting to write because it’s already almost 1 am lol. Alarm went off at 8:15, we got up, got dressed and did makeup, then my dad drove us to the train station. On the way he told me that today the church was going to be calling the rapist pastor and basically cutting off all of his support and making sure everyone knows what he did and essentially ruin his life, and I’m just really happy I played an important part in the investigation that’s going to ruin this piece of shit’s life, so that was a great start to the day lol. We arrived at the train station with time to spare and got breakfast at the Dunkin’ Donuts before getting on the train to the city. Ride in was fine, I don’t really remember anything significant about it lol.

When we got to the city we first checked at the to kill a mockingbird theatre to see if they had any rush tickets left for tonight but sadly they didn’t and their cheapest seats were like $80 for bad balcony lol so we were like yeah no thanks. Before going to juniors which is right there we checked at the booth theatre right across the street that’s currently playing “Gary, a sequel to Titus Andronicus” and they had $40 tix but I was getting a really weird vibe from what I knew about the show and like I’ve been burned before by shows by Hollywood celebs that are weird takes on Shakespeare (here’s looking at you, Alan Cumming one man Macbeth) and I felt like we could do better so we passed and just went to Juniors. Had our matzoh ball soup and potato pancakes and it was all very good. After we went to the BT21 store that’s right down the street from there lol and Jess bought BTS shit. From there we went to the theatre to see our afternoon show, which was “Burn This,” a play revival I knew nothing about but it has Keri Russell and Adam Driver in it so we wanted to go see it!

And see it we did. We had balcony seats but honestly I didn’t even care I maintain that there’s no bad seat in a broadway house and I’ve sat last row plenty of times, that’s how it should be. This play though. It was SO BAD. Now there are layers here of course because both of them are amazing actors and they both have amazing performances, but the characters were so unlikeable and they just did unlikeable things and were bad and I was like why are we watching this???? The story was just bad and like I didn’t particularly like Adam Driver going into this and this show did not help because his character was TERRIBLE and the ending was literally “I don’t like you and I don’t want to date you but we just have this passion I’ve never felt with anyone else and I must be with you” and I was just like....what the fuck??? Thankfully Jess agreed so I didn’t have to try to come up with reasons to like it lol. We didn’t win any lottos for tonight (well, technically Jess won the Pretty Woman lottery but they give you one hour to claim your tickets out of their drawing at 2 when we were seeing another show and by the time it was intermission and we found out it was like 3:18 so that was already off the table) so after the show we ended up walking up to 48th where the theatre for The Prom was to see if they had any cheap tickets left, and they happened to have 3 left over rush tickets in the balcony and we were about to meet up and get dinner with one of our friends that we saw and Clexacon so we asked her if she wanted to go with us and she said yes so we got the tickets for $40! It was a very good purchase and we were pleased with this lol.

After we got the tickets we walked down to where the BT21 store is and actually met up with her then, then went back in the store and saw more BTS stuff lol. We were debating a few places for dinner but basically everywhere had a bad wait so we ended up waiting at the three story Olive Garden in Times Square because that’s always good at least lol. It felt like we waited forever but once we actually got seated they got the food to us pretty quickly and we had plenty of time to eat and then get to the show. They were balcony seats again which were no problem, they said they were gonna be like partial view though so I was a little wary of that but turns out they just meant that there’s a pole that like, helps hold up the building I guess a few rows in front of us lol but it was super easy to ignore and not at all a big deal do that was good. Pretty much all we knew about The Prom as a show was that it was about gay highschoolers so we didn’t know how it was gonna turn out but OMG, it was SO GOOD. I cried so damn much haha it was bad but the show was incredible and also absolutely hilarious and just a damn good piece of theatre that I was really happy to watch. They did an entire number that was basically just an elaborate Godspell joke starting with the costumes and then they pulled out recorders and started doing sign language and I couldn’t stop laughing my lungs actually hurt it was so damn funny. And there were a ton of independent funny moments too (I think my favorite was when one of the younger-ish broadway people was telling a high schooler a story about a production of Chicago in 1975 and the girl was like “and that person was you?” and she was just like “HOW FUCKING OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?” and I can’t even describe it the whole thing was just the funniest fucking thing and I could not stop laughing for my life). But yeah it was really good and totally deserves the Tony noms it got and I was just really happy to see it and I can’t wait for them to perform at the Tonys and I’ll probably cry again and it’ll be great.

So after the show the only thing left to do was get ice cream of course, and there’s this little booth place in the middle of Times Square that has great ice cream so we got some from there and just sat and chilled for a bit and relaxed and it was really nice and just like a good time haha so I was pleased. Eventually we had to say goodnight and head to the train, so we walked back to penn station and got on the train from there and now we’re here. We’re apparently going to arrive at the train station in around 15 minutes and we’ll hopefully Uber home from there, I’ll probably come back to this and actually post it when we get home.

Well now I’m home, it’s 2:30 am and the dog won’t shut up so that’s fun. We ended up in a taxi after the train because Uber was literally like “try again later” which was frightening but there were taxis right there so we just got in one of those and ended up paying double lol but we got home and it was pretty awkward with the male driver who wasn’t terrible or anything he was just an awkward middle aged man lol but we survived and now we’re in the back room on the air mattresses hopefully going to bed but THE DOG WONT SHUT UP and she’s like trying to break down the door and we can’t like go try to shut her up because she’ll just bark more SO THIS IS FUN. I just took my pills like ten minutes ago so I’ll probably be up for a while longer trying to fall asleep but I should at least try because it’s now 2:35 am and Jess is insisting I wake up by 11 (mostly just dragging her and not actually complaining) so I’m going to be doing that now. Goodnight friends. Hope you had an awesome Saturday too.