#Minutt for minutt

[nordic-language-love]

i dag er dagen jeg får bruke over åtte timer på offentlig transport for en femten-minutters avtale 😒

[dammekblog]

learning tto draw well. have a porttraitt

[fyodior]

NOO i also remember i was obsessed with skam in hs and i was so sad and jelaous of everyone in that show that i will never have a life like that. i wanted a life like skam soo bad

sameeeee holy shit i wanted to be like them so bad💀 my first dip into gender issues was how jealous of isak and even i was

[heymeowmao]

wha- da-ge?!?

[greaseonmymouth]

tragisk når man finder den mest perfekte sang og så er kunstnerens andre sange egentlig ret ligegyldige

[phosphorus-noodles]

DET ER VERDENS SPROGDAG, JEG GLEMTE

[ilaiyayaya]

🤔i don't know what to do now.

I was gonna look into getting HRT, and I'm probably still gonna do that pretty soon, but then my car died and I had to spend nearly 4k on a new one, which luckily I saved enough to where I'm still fine, but it did completely interrupt my streak of productivity towards doing trans stuff. On top of that, having to be around both my father and one of my uncles almost every day for the last 2 weeks to deal with said car has caused a massive drop in mental health and I've especially been in kill mode for the last 48 hours, which makes it kinda hard to get anything else done.

Overall tho, getting a car now is probably a net positive, I'm not gonna have to worry about panicking to get a car as quickly as possible after I moved out because if my old one had died after I left, but before I was able to get a new one, I would've probably been really fucked. Not great timing to happen at this exact moment though.

And on the topic of moving out, I don't really have any reason to not just move to an entirely different state now. I'm not entirely sure where to move, wherever it is, realistically it'll probably be relatively short-term, but every reason I had before to stay in my current area is kinda gone, I have a car now and thus won't have to worry as much about dying on the road while driving 500,000,000,000 kilometers to another state, I pretty much exclusively talk to all of my friends online now, even the ones that I do live near, so that won't really change much, I kinda hate my job now and have been heavily considering quitting since like, November so like, don't really care to stay here just for that. The only real reason I have to stay here is that living expenses are fairly cheap, but this is far from the only area in the country where that's the case, and I know there are other places that are even cheaper. My reasons for needing to leave keep increasing too, the core general reason is just, my family live here, and I want most of my family dead (and some of them want me dead too!) but more specifically, my mother almost certainly knows I'm still living here by this point, I learned about 6 months ago that she had moved back here after being in another state for the last 5 years, and while I'm not in contact with her at all, it's not unlikely that she's heard from someone else that I'm here, possibly even where I work or any other information, and her knowing literally anything about my current location pretty much puts a timer on my life because she really does not want me to be alive. Tension with the rest of my family has also gotten significantly worse in the last few months (which is largely my fault but like, what am I supposed to do, not tell my uncle to kill himself???), which really I don't care much about, most of them I normally see 5 times per year max, and even the few I do see more often than that have extremely little impact on my life, but the bigger concern is that a couple of them have definitely, at least to some degree, caught onto me being trans. Or maybe they just think I'm gay but like either way it's a potential problem for me, my family is extremely bigoted (the uncle I told to kill himself literally prompted me to say that by going on a massive rant about electric cars being bad because, something about them all being made by f*gs??? idk being in the same room as that man is like being in the same room as a stereotypical 4chan user, but like, the worst kind) (that uncle btw is not one of the relatives that have probably caught onto me being trans, he is so incredibly dense that I could probably directly tell him I'm trans myself and he probably just like, wouldn't even process it and then somehow use it as an opportunity to tell me to remove all of my money from the banks because the blog he read says joe biden is gonna pass a bill tomorrow that makes banks disappear). Biggest reason why I think some of them know is because a couple of them (one in particular, a different uncle than the one i told to kill himself) have really started to enjoy bringing up conversation topics related to trans and gay people, and my answer is always just complete neutrality, but in a way where it is so extremely obvious that I am just trying to say whatever gets them to shut the fuck up. If any of them, or especially my father who I currently live with, had 100% concrete proof that I'm trans, it would become completely insufferable, I would actually end up murdering one of them within a week I am certain of it, even just being in the same area and them knowing where I live, they would make my life hell immediately, and I'd really rather just not deal with that, and it's really hard to fully cut contact with those people if I'm living in the same town as them, even if I try to.

Another one of the other reasons I had for just getting an apartment where I currently live was that I had a few options for potential roommates, which would make paying rent a lot easier, but that's not the case anymore, some of those options went away once I came out as trans, some I am absolutely not comfortable with living with anymore, a few have since found other roommates or just moved out on their own, and the rest are all just other miscellaneous reasons. I don't really have any viable options for roommates in other states either, but since I don't have any here either, it doesn't really make much of a difference. I technically do know people elsewhere that would probably be willing to live with me, the problem is they're all either in other countries, which I'd be fine with eventually, but not right now, or they're in texas or florida, so, so many in texas and florida, texas especially, why is everyone i know in texas i am not moving to texas especially when most of the people i know that already live there hate it. so yea I'm pretty much on my own unless I want to move to the UK or Texas and I'm not doing that, luckily I expected and prepared for this so I should be fine financially for at least 1 year even on my own, even if it's not ideal. Financially I'm probably fine moving somewhere else, the main concern is everything else cuz like, I'm dumb. and stupid. and incompetent. and i fuck everything up and am bad at everything. Me being stupid and incompetent still applies to living the same state i currently do but like, 🤔idk i just feel like i'd be more likely to have actual consequences for being a massive fuckup somewhere that isn't here. But like yea I'm an idiot.

I don't even know where I would move, for the last few months I was looking into apartments with the intent of temporarily living here for like 6 more months, but again, new car, no more reasons to stay, I think it'd kinda just be a waste of 6 months at this point. But if I commit to moving to a different state I'll have to completely restart the process of searching for an apartment, except it'll be even harder because I don't even know where to look for an apartment at, like I don't know where I want to go I just know I can't be here for much longer. Plus moving states probably requires a bunch of paperwork stuff, like, I probably need a new license for that state and like uhhh new bank account because the current bank i use only has locations in this state and i don't know how hard all of that stuff is to do, like I said I'm a stupid idiot that's incompetent and dumb and should die. Guess I'll die then cause as I've been writing this I'm becoming more and more committed to the idea of just saying fuck it and leaving, I have no clue how much longer it'll take to find a place and get everything sorted out in order to move states but like, if I stay in this town for another 6 months or more like my original plan I am absolutely going to end up killing myself, and that would not be fun so I'd rather not do that.

Idk whether it'd be better to just start hrt after finding another place, or go back to trying to get it now, because on one hand finding somewhere in another state could potentially take a lot longer than it would've taken to find a place in this town and each month that goes by without me being on estrogen is another month closer to the guillotine, but also if I try starting hrt immediately after I move out it'd just be adding to the pile of things to be stressed about because I'd be going through the whole process of trying to get it while also trying to figure out everything else. I was trying to list reasons why both starting hrt now, and starting hrt later have downsides, but I think I literally just gave reasons for why starting hrt later would be bad, but like trust me there are reasons why looking into getting it now would also be hard and potentially bad, it's fine it's fine I have the excuse of being kinda tired and extra mentally ill after just getting out of one of the worst meltdowns I've ever had over the last 24 hours so like it's fine if everything I say is completely incomprehensible verbal slop I get the free pass to be unhinged right now if you yell at me for being insane right now you're being mean and unfair and i'll cry. Mods decipher what anything said in this entire multi-paragraph rant means even I, the writer, the author, the director, the lead actor, do not understand what literally any of it means. I should probably sleep but mania hittin too hard to do so so instead time to listen to the Colress battle theme on loop and walk in circles (a normal tuesday (chewsday innit)).

I am so confused

[platingbypia]

Thai Red Curry Nudler

Thai Red Curry Nudler har blitt en av mine favorittretter når jeg har dårlig tid, men har lyst på noe med mye smak og noe som fort kan minne om comfortfood eller skikkelig kosemat. Denne retten er perfekt for en rask middag hvis du har det travelt, eller som en rask lunsj, siden den lages på godt under 30 minutter. Her er det pastaen som tar lengst tid å koke. Og med enkle ingredienser er den…

[stalkingcreeperworld-blog]

Good girl.

Film: 90 minutter (2012)

[nordic-language-love]

vanligvis sliter jeg å sove på offentlig transport , men denne reisen har jeg klart å ta en lur på både bussene, flyet og toget

[emziess]

Minutt for minutt - SKAM 3.10

[scrufftuna]

the split brainrot is getting worse and worse by the minutte.... i think soon i will not survive much longer if i dont physically become splti in real lifez

[wishmaster]

I need to take revenge from all jocks who bullied me for being gay. Can I take their muscles for my own, Wishmaster?

Such power but all you need to do is touch them and the wish will do the rest.

Your first target was Todd, a true ass hole who loved calling me faggot. I touch his arm as he shouted get away from me you skinny fag.

About 5 minuttes later he thinned out loosing his muscles, those beautiful pecs vanished. He thinned out wore nothing but pink now and while not a typical fag, he had changed enough to alienate him from his homophobe friends.

What's wrong guys? he asked in his new higher pitched voice, the way he ran after them seemed a bit comical. He'd stop to enjoy a sweet firm cake every now and then, not only had I taken his muscles, I took his straightness as well.

Next cam Todd's friend Brad, with a subtle finger swipe he lost everything he held dear to his jock heart.

Within seconds Brad was a needy twink, looking to have his ass used by an alpha.

Could I have merely left them weak and skinny. yes. but where is the justice in that they needed to become what the hated in you. Bullied for just being yourself?

Finally there was Judd leader of the football team and your biggest bully, he's made your life hell since middle school.

The new Judd hated sports and instead enjoyed shaking his new firm ass for all the hot studs who came to the club to see his sexy Twink self perform.

As for you, You had taken all their muscle and looked like a true muscle stud..no.. an Alpha, their Alpha, all these former bullies worshiped you now.

Life was going to be so much better with your new boyfriends, who says bullies always win?

[shinyrhinestones]

Bubbling over

Summary: Just some self care fluff with Bill.

Pairing: Bill Kaulitz X Fem!Reader. (Also this is around 2006, Reader is the same age as Bill).

Genre: fluff and angst.

Warnings: mental illness, depressive episode, neglecting yourself..use of Y/N..? Make-up, Kissing.

—————————————-

The sun had made its appearence hours ago but you couldn’t find the motivation to get out of bed. You were still tired and had slept bad. You kept waking up every now and then interrupting your sleep. You normally forget to tend to the world outside of you and your connections. It wasn’t always on purpose. It was just hard to. It felt overwhelming at times. Bill had noticed that. You weren’t responding to his texts or calls. You had woken up and honestly just wanted to sleep more to escape reality but you couldn’t fall asleep. Like your body was ready to wake up but your mind wanted to shut down. You felt a hand on your shoulder expecting it to be a family member at first. You sighed, frowning into your pillow. “Y/N” You heard a familiar voice say. He shook you very gently, trying to wake you, assuming that you were still sleeping. You felt the bed shift as he sat down on his knees next to you. You didn’t even have energy to speak. It felt like if you did you would break down and cry. Bill might’ve noticed that. “Bist du ok?” He asked. (Are you okay?).

He looked around. Seeing how the sun tried to shine through your curtains but unable to fully reach you as your curtains had been left untouched, covering the window. It had been covering the windows for days now. He moved one side of the curtains out of the suns way. He didn’t want to disturb you completely even though he wanted to help.

You shook your head into your pillow. He understood. He rubbed your arm. You felt his cold rings along his soft palm. He left soft kisses on your arm, letting them linger. He pouted as he watched you lay still in your bed. Your hair was getting greasy and was a mess. He laid down next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, holding you close. You hummed for a second, feeling his embrace from behind. You shuffled closer.

A few minuttes had passed you just couldn’t fall asleep again. Bill wasn’t event that tired. You turned around feeling his arm lift to give you space as your turned to face him. His palm was laying flat against your back as you shuffled closer. You lifted your hands up to his cheeks, cupping them. Studying his face for a few seconds, letting your fingertips stroke across his delicate face. You locked eyes with him for a moment, staring into his brown eyes.

He tried to study you too. Your eyes and expression. He was scared to do or say something. Honestly, he didn’t know what to do. You withdrawed your touch from him and held your hands against your own chest. Even though you didn’t want to do anything ‘cause of all the feelings overwhelming you, you just couldn’t sleep no more. You sat up and looked around. Bill didn’t take his eyes off you. Mess. Your whole room was messy. Clothing scattered all around your bedroom. It felt embarrassing, knowing that Bill had walked into this and seen it. You couldn’t hold it anymore. Your face feel into the place of your palms, tears starting to spill. Darkness having it’s turn with you all around. Inside you and around. Bill sat up immediately, wrapping an arm around your waist and setting his other hand in your hair. He frowned. Bill had had these days himself but he didn’t know what was going on inside of your mind. He wasn’t sure on how to help. You rested your head in the crook of his neck, sobbing in his arms. Even though you couldn’t see yourself, you knew your face had gotten red from crying. Bill didn’t care. He only cared about how to help you, hating that you were in this state. Not much was said between you. Like words weren’t important in the moment. Bill got up and took a hold of your hand. “Come.” He almost whispered. You closed your eyes for a second the thought of doing anything was too much to bear. However you followed. Holding onto his hand and following him as he took you to your bathroom.

It’s not that your family didn’t care about your well being, it’s just that they knew you felt like this and that they could only give what they had to give. They wanted to take it slow, at your own pace. Not wanting to pressure you into anything. But also not wanting to lose you from within their grip.

Your feet made contact with the cold tiles. He locked the door to your bathroom, ensuring privacy. He let the tub fill and dipped his fingertips into the water to make sure it was warm enough for you.

He turned the hot water on from the bathtub, letting it fill up and helped you out of your pjamas. When he reached for the edge of your shirt he looked into your eyes. “May I?” His voice was barely audible. You nodded, placing your own hands on his as he calmly undressed you.

Bill guided you into the bath letting you sit there for a moment, engulfed in the warm water. He took off his socks and placed a towel on the floor between him and the tub. He sat down on his knees. The only thing you could hear was the faint noise of what ever your family was doing downstairs and the sound of water moving whenever you stirred. “It’s okay, you know?” He suddenly said. You just nodded. It felt like no energy was left in you to even open your mouth, and if you did, you would most likely break down again. Bill gave you a vague smile. He started to take off his rings, placing them on the edge of the sink near you. Bill grabbed the shower head and turned it on. He motioned for you to lean your head back, so he could wash your hair. You closed your eyes and did what he gestured. It’s not like you didn’t enjoy your own body, but Bill had rarely seen intimate parts of you. You were both so young. So you both just took things as they came. And you and Bill hadn’t really gotten that far. You had been together for some time but you also didn’t feel completely ready. Perhaps Bill felt the same way. From Bills side he just wanted to do for you, what he himself found relaxing.

His hands brushed down your wet hair. His lips parted, his eyes concentrated on your hair. You closed your eyes. You felt the warmth around you and running down your head, shoulders and back. Bill took his other hand and laid it on your cheek, caressing you.

You could almost feel all of his hand pressing into you as he ran shampoo through hair. He washed it out again. He turned off the shower head and you both heard how the stopping of the flow brought more silence. He grabbed a shower gel. “Can I continue?” He asked. At this point it felt like would it even matter? Again you nodded. Bill understood that your silence wasn’t because you were afraid but because things seemed too hard to manage. And so he carried on. Washing your body and making sure to condition your hair aswell.

Even when he was done washing your body, you didn’t want to get up. You just looked at Bill from under your eyelashes. His palms ran around your back. Around in circles, squares and all kinds of figures and patterns. He looked through the cupboards finding two towels. You weren’t looking, but you could hear the opening and closing. He went back to you. “Come here.” You leaned closer, letting your hair fall onto the towel that he had sat beneath him. He started to dry your hair with the towel. It felt like he was massaging your scalp. He ended up wrapping your hair up in the towel.

He slowly brought himself to his feet, letting his hands fall from the white towel to your hands, guiding you out of the tub. “Here”. He mumbled, wrapping another towel around your body. You clutched onto it, so it didn’t fall from your figure.

Remembering you had to enter your bedroom again, brought down the mood more than it already had been. It did feel like the bath had distracted you for a moment. You leaned into the embrace of Bill. He hugged you back, his arms secure around you. You stood there swinging lightly in your hug. Closing your eyes again, melting in his arms.

—-

Walking into your bedroom you started to put on some fresh comfortable clothing. Bill sat down on the edge of your bed, watching as you found the energy to dress yourself. Dressed in some pjamas again you looked around and started pouting again. “Oh.” You exhaled as you saw the clutter around you. “My room is a mess.” You crossed your arms, like you were hugging yourself. Shame started to creep in on you. You wanted a clean room but you were always too tired and unmotivated to actually do it. Bills eyes fell as he saw how down you still were. He walked up to you, stopping right infront of you. “It’s okay.” He cupped your cheek shortly. “No, my room is horrible.” Your voice broke at the end of your sentence. Bill still wasn’t sure of his choice of words.

He interlocked his fingers with yours guiding you over to your bed. You sat down, and Bill on the other side, your fronts facing each other.

“What do you want to do? If you want we can clean, I don’t mind”. Bill only wanted to help, so if you wanted to clean your messy room, he would accompany you. It’s so hard to make a decision. Because you don’t even want to think about the future. Too many emotions to even feel what you wanted to do in the moment. Bill brushed your still slightly wet hair to the side, caressing your cheek. “I don’t know”. Your eyes were glued to your quilt. You were still tired. Your eyelids were still heavy and your body felt too weak for anything. You wiped your face with your palms, as Bills hand retracted from yours for a second. “I still feel gross.” You sighed. A bath couldn’t wash away the way you felt in your own skin.

“We can’t have that.” Bill gave you a weak smile before standing up from your bed. He started to search through your desk looking for whatever make-up, jewelry and nailpolish he could find. “Come here”. He sat down on his knees by your bed as you shuffled to sit by the edge. He found his way between your knees. “Put this on or your hair is in the way”. He handed you a thin black headband. You tilted your head back and pushed your hair back before setting the headband by your hairline. When you looked back down Bill gave you a small smile. He started doing his thing, painting your face with all the make-up he found. You felt a cold sensation as he applied concealer on your face. Bill had this cute expression on his face as he focused on blending the make-up. His tongue stuck out between his teeth, just by a little centimeter. Your lips started to curve upward by the sight of him being so concentrated. His eyebrows scrunched for a second.

He was about to use an eyelash curler on you but you flinched and grabbed his hand sloppily. “Wait.” You mumbled and took the eyelash curler. His eyes widened vaguely. “I don’t feel safe if you do it.” You explained and grabbed a mirror that laid among your make-up. For Bill it was a small succes that you wanted to do something yourself and actually formed a sentence. Yes, your voice was still low but you used more energy on talking. Energy you barely had. You curled your eyelashes and loosely let the mirror and eyelash curler fall to the beds surface.

Bill moved the make-up away from the bed. He sat next to you on the bed and admired your face for a moment. You laid down letting your knees be in the air. You stared at the ceiling almost getting lost in your thoughts again. Bill laid down next you, but instead of laying on his back, he rested his weight on his arms laying on his stomach. He was almost the only thing in sight now. Your lips started to curve upwards. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered. He didn’t mean to. He meant to say it out loud, not that low.

“Oh. Thank you.” You raised your eyebrows for a second like it was new. But Bill wasn’t afraid to show his love and affection for someone he truly loved.

His hand caressed your cheek before he gave you an eskimo kiss. Nose to nose. You couldn’t stop giggling when he did that. Your hands raised to cup and caress his face aswell. “Thank you.” You whispered. Bill knew for what even though you already said thank you. A few seconds passed. He had a faint smile on his face and his brown eyes beamed slightly. His soft hand still resting on top of your cheek, the other holding on to the arm that was holding on to him too. He let his lips find yours and give you a deep kiss.

[guzhufuren]

Favourite Queer Movies and TV Show Episodes to Get In the Christmas Mood

Let It Snow, 2019 The Christmas Setup, 2020 Carol, 2015 Breakfast with Scot, 2007 Sense8: S2 Christmas Special "Happy F*cking New Year" Skam: S3 Ep9 "Det går over", Ep10 "Minutt for minutt" Dickinson: S1 Ep8 "There's a Certain Slant of Light" The Real O'Neals: S2, Ep8 "The Real Christmas"

[lifedoesntdiscriminate]

Miltonn miltionn what tdo i fucking do i ruinned evrytebhing wit h everyioeone everyeione fucking hates me i hhda ad girlfirned and i euined it in less than 10 minuttes becuase im so fckuing awaful i have No one tfo fuckingt talk to

-@queen-decarabia

have you tried apologizing and never breaking a rule ever again?