#My mom keeps telling us that she and dad could drop dead any day so we need to be ready to take over the business

[dragonairice]

It’s 11pm but does anyone have any life advice for what to do when your abusive/neglectful parents are trying to force you into getting a job at their office just because they make a ton of money and don’t want the business to go into the hands of your older brother but you don’t personally care and literally just turned 18 and haven’t even started college yet

because

man what the fuck am I even supposed to do?

they’re trying to send me there tomorrow to learn about how the office works and everything and I GET IT it’s USEFUL but I don’t… want to do that. Especially with my family.

[caxycreations]

Nowhere Else to Put This

WARNING: VENT, STRONG LANGUAGE

I don't know where to start or where to end

so fuck it

just

gonna go.

I have no job. I've tried, before, several times. Worked at a cotton gin when I was 16, got fired 3 hours in because my supervisor kept telling me to sit down and watch how to do the work, and the manager kept coming by RIGHT as I was sitting back watching. So I got fired 3hrs in for "not doing anything besides watching a man four times my age do ten times my work".

Worked at a burger stand after that, lost that job when they closed down a week later. Unemployed for years after that, then mom talked to her boss and managed to get me a job working in-home care, specifically for my grandmother, who was a client of the company. That was great. $11.50 an hour to keep my grandmas place clean, hang out and chat with her, and run errands? I was already doing that, so all that changed was that now I got paid for it.

Eventually snagged a second job, remodel work for the local walmart, and wound up quitting because it felt so fucking pointless. Two of the managers insisted that the local workers could be dropped because this walmart was so small they could do the work with a third of the team in half the time, and made sure to remind the local workers (aka me, mom, my cousin, and my friend, along with 6-7 others out of the 30-man team) that we were completely expendable, and entirely unwanted.

So I quit that job, focused entirely on the in-home care job for a while longer.

And then I moved. Stupid, idiotic, worthless idea. I moved away to live with my boyfriend in Oklahoma, who promptly dumped me two goddamn weeks after I moved, revealing he only wanted me out there to "save me from that dead-end town", and he had actually been thinking of breaking up with me for a month or more, but wanted to "save me" first.

I wind up there for six months, applying everywhere I can, trapped in his house because nobody will hire me and I can't leave on my own because my anxiety prevents me from driving. Finally, my Dad saves the day, finding out what happened and driving for a day solid to get there and bring me back home.

And I still couldn't land a job. A town where everyone knew me, everyone knew my dad, his word could get ANYONE a job there

Anyone but me. Because everyone heard about the gin situation, and saw me as lazy, all because one person several years ago told me to sit down and watch, and another person misread the situation, and the first never stood up for me.

Now I live with Mom. I'm 25, I've lived on my own multiple times in the past, and moved away once before, and I still wound up back here.

I have problems. I have undiagnosed autism (literally proven, tested and proven, but I pissed off the guy who handled my test and he said he would not diagnose "such a smart-mouthed kid" (context: he wanted me to make a story using random bits and bobs from a plastic bag, and I got frustrated after the sixth time of explaining to him that being put on the spot was making it impossible)

I have diagnosed anxiety (been on anti-depressants, relaxants, and even had a doctor outright TELL me that I should get a support animal to help manage it)

There are things I absolutely can not do on my own. I can't drive. I can't deal with the general public in person. I can't even manage to say hi to a stranger.

And it fucking HURTS.

I need to see a dentist, I need to see a doctor, I need to be re-tested for autism by someone who actually fucking cares so I can get that diagnosis on paper instead of people looking at me like an asshole for saying I'm autistic without documentation.

And the only person who can help me do so is my mom, who consistently neglects both myself AND my little brother, because she can't be bothered to deal with any kind of inconvenience to her desire to sit in bed all day and play Spades on her phone, or to go mow the lawn for the 400th time this week just so she can tell us to do everything because "i've been outside all day".

I try to do what I can, I try to earn what I can. But it doesn't fucking work. I try to stream, and so many people say "oh advertise more, you'll be seen by more people" but that's bullshit. I'm lucky to get one new follower in six months. I've got an internet following 700-people strong across all my platforms, and over 100 of them on my Twitch, and I still struggle to get so much as 6 people viewing on a stream at any given time.

But twitch isn't everything, I also do art commissions, writing commissions, and once-upon-a-time did VRChat Avatar commissions!

I stopped doing Art comms because I'd charge $30 for the same thing others were charging $70-$100 for, and I barely got any interest, and the interest I did get, people would ask me for so much more than I was capable of. So I dropped it to just headshots. Five bucks or less depending on the quality asked of me, and it STILL doesn't get me anything.

Writing comms? I've gotten ONE writing comm request in the 7 years I've been offering them, and you wanna know what it was? Some fuckin weirdo asking for, of all things, an NSFW PAW PATROL FIC. I'm sorry, my moral compass might be grey half the time but even on my most morally defunct day I wouldn't write that for any amount of money.

avatar comms? I was actually half good at! Got a few people ordering from me, and it was good money cause I could land $60-$70 comms that took like 2-3 days to do. But then I lost access to the popular model, and people stopped wanting the work, and the few that still did wanted me to do things with models I physically could not do. One client had an asymmetrically patterned oc and INSISTED on using the Terris Wolf, which btw, is LOCKED as a symmetrical texture. The texture wrap is literally just one half of the model, mirrored onto the other half, and the only way to fix that would be to fully unwrap the model in Blender and make a whole new custom texture, WHICH I CAN'T DO because every time I open Blender I get an actual physical headache looking at it. So I stopped because people kept asking me for things I couldn't do, even things that were in my ToS as "Cannot/Will Not Do".

I have no work. I have no income besides the pathetic $50-$60 I make every 3-4 months from streaming.

And when I vent about this, so many people say "I wish I could help you, but I'm going through so-and-so"

I don't want a handout! I accept tips and donations sure, but it's because I can't fucking afford to turn them down! Do you think if I had any reasonable income I'd be asking people to give me money for nothing besides the goodwill of helping me? NO! Because I don't want to be a charity case!

I have a very, VERY capable mind, and very capable hands, and a willingness to learn whatever skill or skills I need to in order to do a job. The problem is I can't work public jobs, I need something that doesn't require driving, and all the work-from-home stuff is either "work hard and one day you might make minimum wage if you're lucky!" or "requires X years experience, bachelor's or greater degree in X field, and must hold X certification"

There are "entry-level" DATA ENTRY jobs that demand certifications! Can you believe that??? Certified, for what? Pushing fuckin buttons? Data entry isn't that fuckin complicated.

I just

I want to earn income.

I hate being given something for nothing. I hate feeling like I owe people, or like the only reason I have something is because someone else decided I was worth it.

I'm worth it to me, I want to buy myself things, I want to be able to afford replacements and repairs when things break or wear down, I want to be able to pay for my own groceries, I want to be able to buy my own clothes, and I want to earn the money used to do so.

I hate feeling so fucking useless, so hopeless. I've spent YEARS improving the few marketable skills I do have, and it's led to a state of living where I can't even afford to buy groceries without asking my boyfriend to pay for them, and I fucking hate it. It's not his responsibility to provide for me, it's mine, and I'm tired of relying on everyone around me for the most basic shit.

Sorry to spill this here. Nowhere else fucking cares and the people I normally vent to have heard this all before and I don't want to bother them with it.

[babeyvenus]

My Future

Derek Hale x OC

Samantha, Stiles and Scott are always joking about the impossible. Who wouldn't when your best friend's dad is the sheriff of Beacon Hills? All jokes stop when they realize the impossible is indeed possible.

Chapter 16: Possessions

After Stiles dropped Sam off, she sighed, walking up to her porch.

"He's here…", a familiar voice whispers in her ear. Sam froze and looked around. He's here...? Who-

Her heart thumped once her eyes spotted a silhouette by a lamppost outside of the driveway.

That same feeling she had before the bite had come back. There was no mistaking it. But it couldn't be true so what the hell…

She began to tremble as she saw Peter Hale's familiar smirking face walking up to her.

"Hello, Samantha.", he greeted. Sam hurried and unlocked the door, only to see him standing there in front of her. Sam gasped and backed away. Her mom was still in there. Sam couldn't let him get to her.

"What do you want from me…", she whimpered. 

He hummed. "That's for me to know."

"Why are you doing this to me? What'd I do to deserve this…?", she urged for an answer.

Peter cupped her cheek. "I just wanted you to see how special you were."

"Special? You call being bitten special? A gift?", she asked, trying to stay calm. Peter frowned. "How the hell are you here? You were on fire. Derek slit your throat. He killed you. You're supposed to be dead.", she rambled. 

"I am," He paused. "well, at least I am for the moment."

"For the moment? What do you mean for the moment?", she looked at him in confusion. What is up with the Hale men and their vagueness….

"You see, Samantha, I am dead. You're just my door out of this world and back to the living.", he says, planting a hand on her side where the healed bite mark was.

Her eyes widened as she slapped his hand away. She stepped away from him. "You're using me as a door…?", she asked in disbelief.

"It's true.", Peter simply shrugged.

"No, you can't be real. Derek wouldn't let this happen. If he finds you, he'll kill you. Just like he did before!", Sam tells him. 

Peter lifts a hand to casually scratch his light, scruffed jaw. "That's the crazy thing, sweetheart. Derek won't do anything because he won't know about it. Not yet at least. He will when the time comes.", Peter said. 

"When will that be?"

He grabs her face. "Whenever I feel. And for now, you'll keep quiet about this. Act like it never happened. You won't tell Derek, or Scott, not even that Stilinski boy. No one.", he ordered, squeezing her face.

She squeezed her eyes closed and when she opened them, she was finally let go, looking around as he disappeared. She let out a shaky sigh, leaning against the front door. What the hell could she do?

She couldn't even bother going to school the next morning. If anything, she found her walking up to Derek's old house. She didn't feel any type of resentment towards the house, or toward the Hales in general. Well- aside from one haunting Hale. But...she didn't feel unsafe.

As bizarre as it was even after the fact that she was kidnapped a couple of days ago. Even with that, an uneasy feeling came back.

She felt someone's presence behind her and before they could land a hand on her, she grabbed what felt like a shirt and threw them over her shoulder before reeling her hand back to punch.

"Wait!", she hears and see Derek below her, ready to hold her fist in his hand. She let out a sigh of relief. "Dammit Derek!", Sam exclaimed, standing up.

She stuck out her hand to help him up and he stood with a huff. "What the hell are you doing out here? Why aren't you at school?", he asked. Sam looked away and shook her head. "Wasn't feeling good today." Derek tilted his head a bit, immediately trying to sense a lie. However, it wasn't a complete lie. He raised an eyebrow. "So… you come out here instead?"

Sam looked at him, annoyed. "You're claiming the woods now?"

He crossed his arms giving a shrug. "I might as well. Plus, you're standing in front of my house. And since that Kanima's deciding on killing all of us, yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the woods."

Sam let out an annoyed sigh through my nose. "Go to school.", he ordered, and to school she went.

She really wasn't in the mood for Finstock's shit today. "Does anyone want to try answering? This time in…English?", Finstock asked the class after Lydia was crying after finishing an economics problem.

Sam tilted her head as she looked at the board in confusion. It was in English. The hell was he talking about?

She wrote 'someone help me'.

"Stiles, what is he talking about?", Sam whispered to the boy next to her. 

"What is that, Greek?", Scott asked, squinting.

"No, it's English.", Sam said.

"What's it say?", Stiles looked at Sam, confused.

"Someone help me."

"No, it doesn't.", Scott disagreed. Sam looked at him. "Don't act like I'm stupid. It legit--" She started to point until she looked back at the board and the phrase was backwards now. 

She frowned as it looked like a completely different language. What the hell… 

Stiles mumbled to Scott that Sam was right, flipping a picture of the board on his phone and showing it to their friend.

"Sam, how'd you know that?", Stiles asked, looking at her worriedly.

"I don't know." She looked at him and started to get nervous.

Why were the words backwards? Why is Lydia asking for help in reverse?

The next few hours weren't any better.

Isaac was now exonerated, Derek was now trying to kill Lydia, and Isaac and Erica as his assassins. 

What made it worse and that they were doing it during school. During Chemistry, Isaac had tested Lydia to see if she was paralyzed from the venom. She didn't pass the test so nothing happened.

Right after class, Allison, Scott, and Stiles ran off together. Sam rolled my eyes and took off after Derek.

She was kinda disappointed to see Scott had beaten her to it.

"So, I'm just completely out of the loop from both sides, huh?", she asked, walking up to the two on the school field.

Scott looked towards the school and tried running at Derek, but Boyd knocked him down. Scott landed with a thud, clutching his chest and stomach.

"I don't know why you think you have to protect people now, Scott. But even so, Lydia has killed people. And she's going to do it again. And next time it's going to be one of us.", Derek shrugged.

"What if you're wrong?", Scott asked, sitting up.

"She was bitten by an Alpha, it's her."

"You saw that thing up close, you know it's not like us."

"But it is. We're all shapeshifters. You don't know what you're dealing with. It happens rarely and it happens for a reason.", Derek argued.

"What reason?"

"Sometimes the shape you take reflects the person that you are.", Derek says, leaning down, lending a hand down to help Scott up. "Even Stiles calls her cold blooded."

"What if she's immune?", Scott asked, glancing at Sam.

That was a good question. Sam didn't feel any shifts and her senses haven't heightened so…? Well...she and Lydia saw Peter in the ice rink. That can't be a coincidence.

"What if she's got something inside of her that makes her immune to the bite, which is why she didn't get paralyzed!", Scott said. 

"No one's immune! I've never seen it or heard of it! It's never happened!", Derek yelled.

"What about Sam? She hasn't changed", Scott blurted out.

"She wasn't immune, we fixed her.", Derek said. Fixed??? 

"Was she really dying? Or was that a coincidence? Both her and Lydia had strange reactions to the bite!", Scott said.

"How could I be a Kanima, you saw me underwater with them.", Sam asked Scott, offended.

"I'm not saying you're the Kanima! I'm saying that you were both immune. Nothing weird has happened? You're completely normal, right?", he asked.

She wanted to answer yes. Before she could actually answer, her lips moved on their own and her voice came out. It didn't feel like her at all. She felt...compelled.

Peter…

"We fixed her!", Derek growled. "Deaton gave her something and it fixed her. No one's immune."

"And Jackson?" Derek frowned, not saying anything. 

"That's why you tested him, isn't it? Because you gave him what you wanted. Did you know about this?", Scott turned to Sam with wide eyes.

Sam nodded shamefully, not looking at him.

"Peter said the bite either kills you or turns you!", Scott exclaimed. 

"Scott!", Derek interrupted, frustrated. His eyes glanced at Sam to Scott and back again.

"You were hoping that he would die! But nothing happened, right? Nothing happened to any of you. And you have no idea why, do you?", Scott pressed.

Derek's jaw clench while Scott seemed smug.

"No.", Derek admitted, his voice sounding grave.

"I have a theory. Lydia's immune and somehow she passed it onto Jackson and Sam... You know I'm right.", Scott said. 

"No!", Derek yelled, shutting Scott up.

"You can not do this!", Scott yelled back.

"I can't let her live!"

"I hoped I was going to convince you, but then again I wasn't counting on it."

"Deaton did help me, though. He never mentioned immunity.", Sam spokeup. 

Scott turned to me in disbelief. "You're siding with him? He's going to kill Lydia!"

"I don't know what you want me to do about that, Scott.", Sam says, shrugging.

"Sam! They're going to kill Lydia! What aren't you getting?", Scott urged. Sam sighed and turned to Derek. "You can't kill her, even if she is the damn lizard. Just hold her somewhere until we can figure out what to do."

"And how do you suppose we do that?", Derek asked, crossing his arms. 

"Figure it out. You always do.", Sam says, walking off.

How did she get wrapped up into this shit…?

Stiles managed to convince her to stay with him, Allison, Jackson, and Lydia.

They were holding her from Derek and his pack, who were ready to kill her. Much to her annoyance, Lydia's mouth was running a mile a minute.

They were at Scott's house, standing at the front door staring out into the front for Derek and his pack. Scott was still at school, and night was falling fast.

Lydia and Jackson had been kept upstairs for the past hour. 

Allison had just got off the phone with Scott, letting him know that Derek and his pack were standing outside his house in matching leather jackets. Sam peeked in the blinds and snickered, making Stiles look at her in confusion. "They look like off-brand dancers.", she chuckled, walking over to the entry table and looking at the door.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you can find some humor in this."

"What do you think's taking them so long?", Allison asked, glancing at the stairs.

"I don't know. Kissing, who knows.", Sam says, making Stiles frown. 

"But if he finds you here, you and Scott…", Stiles realized looking at Allison.

Allison was sniffling, stifling quiet cries.

"I know.", she whispered. Sam frowned at them. "What, what's happening?"

They didn't say anything.

"What else am I supposed to do? They're not here to scare us. They're here to kill Lydia!", Allison cried.

Sam got up from leaning against the entry table and turned around, holding onto the wall as she felt dizzy all of a sudden. Her shoulders felt a heavy pressure as she looked behind her.

"Let them kill her, Samantha. You don't like the girl anyways. Why not let them?", Peter asked, standing behind her.

"And let you get what you want again? Fat chance of that.", she whispered harshly.

"She may be immune to the bite. So what?", Peter shrugged.

"You piece of shit…", Sam growled. 

"What'd you say, Sam?" Stiles asked. Sam turned to him before turning to the empty kitchen then back to him.

"Nothing.", she dismissed, leaning back on the table. Allison and Stiles were discussing shooting one of the pack members.

"Shoot Derek. Peripherally in the head.", Stiles said, making Sam look at him in disbelief.

"How about you shoot one of the other three, so we don't deal with Alpha Hardass as much?", Sam suggested, glaring at Stiles.

"You mean two.", Allison corrected.

"I said what I said. There's literally three--", Sam looked out the window to only see Erica and Boyd outside.

"Shit.", Sam mutter, looking around. Where the hell was Isaac? Allison pulled out her bow and arrow. Sam heard a crash and felt a hand wrap grab her shoulder and arm, suddenly being thrown into a wall. Sam fell to the ground while Isaac went after Allison, throwing her and her hunting equipment to the floor.

Sam got up with a groan as Stiles landed on the floor, pushing back the carpet after skidding on the floor. Isaac growled, staring at all of them with golden eyes.

Sam quickly snatched Allison's crossbow and whacked him with it before tossing it to Allison.

"Go," she whispered to Allison to go warn Lydia, and she ran off upstairs. Afterwards, she was screaming that 'it' was here. That left Sam to fight Isaac alone.

Sam panted, feeling that same feeling she had in the ice rink, toppling over her panic as he sized her up, his golden eyes peering at her intensely. Whatever that was before, she really wanted it to come back now. 

"Don't you have someone else to go kill?", Sam asked, annoyed.

"Erica's got that covered.", he smiled. 

"You're not going to kill me.", Sam smirked, saving face. "Derek wouldn't approve because that's not your protocol."

"Yeah, maybe so. Maybe I didn't have any intentions of killing you.", he said, closing in on her.

When Isaac backed her into a wall, she could only imagine Peter's face and automatically sent a foot into his stomach, throwing him away from her.

He growled as he got up, snarling at her. "Wait-- I sorta didn't mean to do that! You were just-", she panicked, holding her hands out in caution.

"You're dead.", he growled out, getting up quickly.

Just before he could come over to her, Scott came running in through the back door and began fighting the angry beta until he was unconscious and threw an unconscious Isaac and paralyzed Erica out of his house and landing at Derek's feet.

Scott walked out first. Then there was Sam, and Allison and Stiles followed behind.

"I think I'm finally getting why you keep refusing me, Scott. You're not an Omega. You're already an Alpha of your own pack.", Derek announced, a wide smile spreading across his face. "But you know you can't beat me."

"I can hold you off until the cops get here.", Scott said, smugly.

Derek looked off to where the sirens were coming from but then they all heard a hissing noise from above them. They looked up, turning their attention to the roof. Scott reached for Allison's hand, pulling her away from the porch. Stiles and Sam quickly followed behind.

Crawling across the roof was Lydia, in her Kanima form. She looked at them with her beady, reptilian eyes and let out an ear throbbing screech.

Derek growled loudly at her, pushing Sam and Stiles back. But instead of attacking them, she disappeared from the roof into the darkness.

"Get them out of here.", Derek ordered Boyd, looking from unconscious Isaac to paralyzed Erica.

"You get out of here.", Derek ordered, putting his car keys in Sam's hand. "Now, you trust me?", Sam asked, incredulously. He frowned. "Not the time."

They turned to the front door as they heard a familiar voice. "Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?", Lydia's voice screeched.

"Holy shit…", Sam muttered as they stared at Lydia standing in front of them.

She was human. Immune. She's not the Kanima.

It was Jackson.

It was no wonder why he's been so smug than usual these past few days. He knew. Jackson knew. 

Sam sighed, taking Derek's car and went home while Scott and him ran off after Jackson.

The better question was what was Jackson's reason? If he knew the entire time, why did he pretend like he wasn't the Kanima? Why did he comply with hiding out at Scott's house…? Who was he looking for? Who was the victim? He's only been frustrated with Lydia recently. He lashed at Sam shortly and they were all in the same house.

Scott pissed him off because he was getting popular on the team and Stiles definitely wasn't a target.

It couldn't be Derek… he was afraid of Derek. Who else….

Her eyes widened. It may not be out of anger.... She pulled out her phone, dialing Danny's number. Luckily Stiles had given it to her while they were at his house.   "Hello?", she could barely hear over the sound of people's voices and music in the background. "Danny!", Sam called. "Hey. Where are you?"

"Hey, Sam. I'm at Jungle. Why, what's up?", he replied. Jungle. A nearby club.

"Nevermind," she lied, "I was checking something but I figured it out." If he was there, Jackson was sure to follow and she doubt he'd give a damn who saw him.

He chuckled. "Alright, Sam. Bye." He hung up. She sighed, parking at her house, and rushed to get into proper clothes. After finishing, she turned the car around Scott letting him know to come to Jungle. Sam called Derek right after. "What?", he answered, huffing and puffing. It sounded like he was running.

"Where are you?", Sam asked. 

"Iron works.", he said, and she hung up, quickly driving over to the Iron works.

Once she arrived, she caught him, rolled down the window, and called him.  "Get in.", she hurried, and he jumped in. She drove off as he looked at her in confusion.

"I thought I told you to go home.", he said. 

"I was until I was thinking about Jackson's motive.", Sam said. "I know where he's going."

"How?"

"I'll explain everything, but for now, let's not kill him. Seriously, we need answers from him and killing him will not solve anything right now.", Sam says. 

"I'm not promising that.", Derek said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"You need to. This serial killer type behavior has to take a break at some point.", Sam says, and Derek rolls his eyes.

"Fine." Derek slumped in his seat.

They finally came up to the club and got out of the car, waiting for Scott and Stiles to show. Derek took note of her sudden change of clothing. The black jacket she wore flooded her. It looked like a guy's jacket...

Sam frowned and noticed Derek glancing at her from the corner of her eye. "What?", she asked.

"Did you really need to have a huge jacket? You looked fine before.", he said. Sam frowned and rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Derek."

Before he could say more, the boys finally showed.    "What took you guys so long?", Sam asked as they walked up to them.

"How do you know Jackson's here?", Scott asked. 

"Well, I was thinking about who he really wanted to come after. He didn't attack any of us. So, it wasn't me, it wasn't Lydia, I doubt it was Allison, I considered you, but he didn't attack you or Derek and it definitely isn't Stiles.", Sam listed. "This entire time, he was after someone else."

"And why are we here? Where is here, exactly?", Stiles asked, looking at the building.

Sam sighed. If her assumptions were correct, it still wasn't her place to say anything. She kinda had a feeling before, but...

"Sam, how do you know who he's after? Did you know something? Did you see something?", Scott pressed and Sam shook her head, causing all the boys too look at her in confusion.

"Did you see something? Smell something?", Stiles butt in. Derek and Scott gave him a confused look that shut Stiles up.

"Armani.", Sam says with a smile. Stiles caught on. "What? Danny? How does that even have anything to do with why we're here?", Stiles asked and she facepalmed. "You're so smart, but so stupid. We're going clubbing.", she said, and took off the jacket, throwing it to Stiles who barely caught it. The guys' eyes widened as they looked at her outfit. Sam brushed the tight, sleeved bodycon dress she was wearing.

Stiles' jaw dropped. "Where the hell were you keeping that? W-Who gave that to you!?"

Sam rolled her eyes, "It was a present." She smiled, placing her hands on her hips. "C'mon."

Scott walked ahead and ripped off the handle of the door as they watched it fall with a clatter. "Let's go.", Sam says, entering the club. The four of them, immediately squinting their eyes to adjust to the flashing lights, and looked around for Danny. 

Sam looked around noticing the club being full of almost shirtless guys and she couldn't find Danny in the midst of them.

"Dude, everyone in here's a dude. I think we're in a gay club.", Scott yelled to Stiles over the music. Sam smiled at his airheadedness.

"Man, nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses, huh Scott?", Stiles asked, looking at Scott unamused while being petted by a couple of drag queens.

"Danny's in here somewhere.", Sam yelled to them. Scott wasn't even paying attention. He was focused on something else. Sam followed his eyes as she saw a bar.

Him and Stiles ran over to the bar and asked for two beers. Sam and Derek shook their head as they came back to them with two cokes. It seemed fun… getting drunk.

She frowned and shook the thought away. She didn't like alcohol. She despised it. But… this was a club...

She noticed a bartender passing by with a tray of shots and she took one as they passed. Derek frowned, grabbing her wrist. "What do you think you're doing?"

She hurriedly took a sip of the vodka, much to his disappointment. She gagged as her throat burned. She let out a light laugh. That was...kinda fun.

"Might as well while we're here. It'd be suspicious not to.", Sam says, shrugging. Stiles complained. "You don't even drink, so what the hell!"

Sam shrugged again. "How'd you even get on without getting ID'd?", Stiles shouted over the music. Another bartender passed by them and she hurriedly grabbed another shot, throwing it back.

The boys looked at her with wide eyes. She stuck her tongue out. "Just like that."

"Alright, enough. You had your fun. We're here for Jackson, not to get drunk.", Derek scolded, taking her wrist in his bigger hand. 

She followed him as they looked around and found Danny in the middle of the crowded dance floor surrounded by other shirtless men.

"I found Danny.", she announced to pointing toward the boy.

"I found Jackson.", Scott said, looking up towards the ceiling above Danny where the Jackson lizard was hanging. "Get Danny.", Scott said as he kept his eyes on the upside-down hanging lizard, Derek followed him.

"How do we make this not suspicious?", Stiles asked Sam. Sam looked at Danny. "I'll go get him. You'll just scare him.", Sam says, walking away and approaching Danny. 

Once Danny saw Sam, he had begun dancing with her. Sam smiled but shook her head. He needed to get out of here.   "What are you doing here?", he yelled over loud music. Some other shirtless guys' bodies were dancing and rubbing close to hers and she tried to keep a straight face as she talked to Danny. "I was bored.", Sam yelled.

"I didn't know you had a fake!"

"Yeah, neither did I. Cmon, let's go get a drink! I need to talk to you.", she says, grabbing his hand. 

She froze as she felt someone's hand ghost over her hips and before she could turn around, she heard a scream and someone nearby fell to the floor, paralyzed.

Shit.

Sam kept a hold on Danny's hand as they tried moving through the ocean of people who moved in panic. Sam saw something moving in the shadows and frowned as she tried keeping Danny behind her. He couldn't kill his best friend. He wouldn't.

Sam heard a roar and saw Derek was wolfed out in the middle of the dance floor; him and the Kanima were having a stare off.

"No, don't!", Scott screamed from somewhere nearby. Derek lunged at Jackson, slashing his claws through the lizard's throat.

Sam quickly got Danny to get to Stiles. "Go find Scott.", Stiles told her.

Sam looked around for Scott and found him with Derek. Their attention snapped over to hear police sirens coming nearby.

"We need to get out of here before they come.", Sam says, getting them out. She pushed Derek to his car. "You definitely gotta get out of here."

He nodded, getting in and sped off.

Sam sighed in relief as she looked for the jeep and piled in the back, settling a naked Jackson aside.

Stiles and Scott managed to get away with Jackson and now Stiles is watching him in a prison transport van in the middle of the woods.

How Stiles managed to get one was beyond Sam.

They stood outside of the van, tired of Jackson's attitude. He heavily sighed and rolled his eyes, shaking off the conversation he just exchanged with Jackson.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate the guy?", Stiles asked her.

"You and me both, bud.", Sam says, looking around. 

"You know, maybe he won't attack people anymore. Sure, it's been a persistent pattern but, you know, maybe he'll stop.", Stiles said, giving faith.

Sam looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "That jackass doesn't know how to stop. He hasn't gotten what he wanted yet, so I doubt it."    He sighed. "God, I hate this.", He mumbled, messing with his jacket. "He doesn't freakin' believe me! He thinks it's all some messed up story I'm making up."

So, he doesn't remember. He wouldn't have remembered attacking Danny… 

Sam rolled her eyes and sighed. "I'll talk to him."

"What? No, he doesn't even know you're here. If we get in trouble from this, he'll know you're in on it too.", Stiles stopped her. 

"He already knows. I'm the one that helped him with his nosebleed. I can be very persuasive if it means I'll have to go to jail.", Sam says and get in the van.

"I told you to leave me the hell alone.", Jackson yelled.

"I didn't even say anything yet.", Sam chuckled, sitting down. Jackson rolled his eyes, groaning. "Of course. I had a feeling you were helping McCall."

He glared at her. "I'm done answering questions."

"Not yet, you're not. We're just getting started.", Sam says, sitting across from him. "What happened the night of the full moon?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened.", he groaned.

"Bullshit! You were bitten by an alpha, your nose was bleeding and all of a sudden it was nothing?!", Sam exclaimed.

"Me?! What about you!? You were bitten by an Alpha. You and Lydia! And nothing happened!", he yelled.

She frowned. She can't say exactly what happened. How could she explain the voices she's been hearing? Was that because of Peter…?

"Of course not… I'd never let that fool have his way.", she heard in her ear. It was a familiar voice...must've belonged to the woman she saw in her dreams. She knew no one was next to her so she didn't react as much.

If her changing wasn't Peter's doing, then… 

"Uh… did you always have that on your forehead?", Sam heard Jackson ask. She looks at him in confusion. He pointed at her forehead, and she pulled out her phone, switching to the camera.

Her eyes hadn't changed, luckily but there was a bigger feature on her face.

There was a small fitting, black crescent moon in the middle of her eyebrows like someone had stamped her.

She rubbed at the moon, but it didn't go away. "Okay. That's new.", Sam says.

"Does that mean you turned?", he asked, backing away.

"No, you idiot. And even if I did, you still aren't gonna tell anyone shit.", Sam says, glaring at him. 

"What, does McCall not know? What about Derek? Does anyone know?", Jackson rushed. "Yes, yes, and no.", Sam says, rolling her eyes at his panicking. 

"Look, I'm asking the questions here. You need to believe us. You've killed a few other people. You kept Derek, Stiles, and I trapped in a pool for two hours waiting to kill us till Scott showed up. You could've killed Danny last night! Does that not bother you in the slightest??", Sam asked. "You need to get help and we're trying to help you."

"All I need is to get out of here!", he yelled, thrashing against his restraints.

"You will once we've fixed you.", Sam promised. He looked at her. 

"Okay, so what about you?"

She looked at him in confusion. "What about me?"

"You say I turned into this lizard. What do you turn into?", he asked, curious. Sam sighed harshly.

"Nothing. I haven't turned into anything. I'm not a wolf, I'm human. So is Lydia."

"So let me get this straight, I'm the only crazy person that's a cold hard snake?", Jackson asked in disbelief. 

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you really surprised?"

"Get me out of here. I'm not waiting on the both of us to get cured. McCall's taking too long.", he ordered. 

"We're not waiting on the both of us. Only you. I'm still me.", she shrugged. 

"Same lazy old Wilson.", Jackson sneered. Sam gave him an unimpressed look. "I'm outta here.", she says, leaving him to seethe by himself.

"They know! They know Jackson's missing!", she hears Allison shriek as she rushed up.

Sam rushed over to Stiles holding Jackson's phone pinched in between his fingers. He handed it to Allison and ran to the front of the van to the radio.

"All available units proceed to Beacon hills preserve as instructed. Proceed with caution until Sheriff Stilinski's arrival." The voice radioed over.

Sam looked at Stiles with furrowed brows. That wasn't good.

"Okay, okay. We need to get out of here pronto. Like now! In the van, now.", Stiles said, running in the van.

Allison ran over to the passenger side as Stiles climbed in. Sam pulled on her sleeve a bit over her hand and took the phone. She looked at Stiles who looked at her in confusion.

"What are you doing? Get in.", he ordered, worriedly.

She shook her head. "You two get him out of here. It'd be better if we split up."

"Where are you going?", Stiles asked. She looked around as she backed up. "Somewhere...", she muttered and ran off. Once she got far enough into the woods, she dialed Jackson's mom with her sleeve and threw the phone as far as she could chuck it. 

Once she was sure she couldn't hear a thud of the phone, she hurried towards Derek's old house.

Derek's old home appeared, and Sam felt some sort of comfort. She smiled softly, as weird as it felt. 

She paused, feeling her phone vibrating and saw Derek's name pop up. Letting out a sigh, she answered. "Yes, sir?"

"I thought I told you to stay out of the woods?", he asked, sounding like he was running. 

"I'm not in the woods.", she lied, walking into the house. It was practically empty like someone had rushed and moved out. No blood, nothing. 

"Funny. You do know I can smell you?"

Amused, she stayed quiet. Damned werewolf powers. He was quiet too, she looked at her phone and saw that he had hung up.

Welp. She turned around and jumped at the sight of Derek right behind her. "My god…", she muttered, patting her beating heart.

"I told you the woods are off limits.", Derek said, crossing his arms. His eyes widened a bit as he looked at her forehead, noticing the black crescent. Sam slapped a hand on her forehead. "Getting sidetracked here! I was hiding!", she explained. Derek's eyebrows raised. "From?"

She sighed and gave him a rundown of what just happened. He sighed, shaking his head, muttering 'stupid Stiles' and let her stay.

"Tell the Stillinski boy to come here.", Sam hears Peter whisper. She tensed up, watching Derek pace around the house. The Hale boy wasn't even paying attention to the girl as she panicked internally. He was too busy looking outside and listening for any sounds of sirens.

She wanted to give him some sort of signal that she could hear his uncle. That Peter was right in her ear.

"Naughty girl… I can hear your thoughts.", she heard him say.

'Shit…  where are those other voices when I need them…?', she thought.

What happened to the woman that said she wouldn't let him have his way?

"Tell the Stillinski boy to get here. Now.", Sam heard him order and hurriedly let Stiles know after he was finished to come to the Hale house.

She tried her best to keep a straight face with Derek. She could feel her heart beating erratically and she assumed he thought she was nervous with the cops being on their way and scoping out the area. 

Dizziness washed over her, and a sudden headache sprouted through her skull as her body tensed.

She felt like she was paralyzed, and Derek wasn't even paying attention. 

Suddenly Stiles busted through the door, and she felt her face curve into a smile. 

"What's the emergency?", Stiles exclaimed, looking around. 

"Why the hell are you here?", Derek demanded, looking at him crazy. 

"What do you mean what am I doing here? Sam said to come here.", Stiles replied.

Sam's lips moved and her voice spoke. "I never said that."

Stiles looked at her in disbelief. "You literally texted me to come straight here. Did something happen?" 

"Nothing happened. Sam, what the hell--", Derek's voice trailed off as he saw her stand from the stairs, giving him a wide smirk.   "Hello boys.", a deeper voice exited her lips.

"Oh no...", Stiles backed away.

"What the hell is wrong with you?", Derek asked, standing in front of Stiles. Sam stared back at them with familiar yellow wolfish eyes.

"She turned!? She turned and never told us!?", Stiles panicked.

"Oh, Stiles," she smiled sweetly at the trembling boy, "so nice to see you again. And Derek, my favorite nephew. I thought those Alpha responsibilities would be good for you. I guess not."

"Nephew?", Stiles whispered, his face contorting into realization.

"Peter.", Derek growled.

"You remembered me!", she cried, happily and sarcastically.

"This is impossible!", Stiles exclaimed in disbelief.

"Oh, it's very possible."

"You-- how?? What did you do!?", Stiles yelled, stepping up.

"Oh, she's still here. She's…sleeping.", Sam's face smiled.

"How is it possible?", Derek asked.

"How else, Derek? Your little girlfriend is immune to the bite. Did you really think that nothing would happen?", she asked, stepping down from the stairs.

"She had a protection spell put on her, so it cancelled out the bite. It made her "immune".", she said, placing her hands on her hips. "There's nothing you can do."

Derek's eyes flickered at Sam's face. He noticed the crescent moon on her forehead was gone. Her eyes were bright yellow, but he noticed the reddened rings under her eyes.

She looked sick. How long was Peter gonna take this? How far?

"We're doing this my way, Derek. Or else. I'm sure I can persuade you," he hears his uncle's voice say, as Sam's once short, trimmed nails grew into claws.

She slid a claw down her face to her neck. "Should I?", she asked, glancing at Derek's widened eyes that flickered red.

"Stop!!", Derek yelled, his eyes on her hand that hovered over her throat. 

She grinned as she stepped up to him. He tensed up. "You're not yourself anymore, Derek. Don't tell me you let her weaknesses get to you.", she asked, smirking.

"Okay, Sam-- Peter- whoever! Why are you here?!", Stiles yelled.

"I just told you, because Samantha is immune to the bite. I'm not exactly here, she's just my passageway to the living world.", she responded to Stiles. 

"Do you not have a heart or something? Do you get off to torment?", Stiles asked, incredulously.   She smirked. "Do you want an honest answer?"

"Enough. How long have you been planning this?", Derek asked. Her eyes glanced at him, her smirk getting wider. "Since you almost drowned. Probably earlier than that. She didn't notice me until after though."

Derek's eyes widened. "Whatever plan you have won't work. We'll fix her. You'll be dead for real.", Stiles warned, making her chuckle.

"That's not how that's going to work, poor boy. Just like her, you'll tell nobody. That means Scott, that stupid vet, or even the Argent girl."

"We'll tell them anyway.", Stiles argued, and she quickly grabbed him by the face, effortlessly lifting him. "You won't. Especially not you, blabbermouth. If you do, I'll kill her.", she says, shrugging with a smile.

"Peter, enough. You're not leaving.", Derek threatened, stepping behind Sam. Sam dropped Stiles and turned to Derek.

"Watch me."

Derek watched Sam's eyes flutter as the yellow left her eyes, returning to her russet brown eyes.

She lost balance and began to fall backwards. Stiles hurriedly took his unconscious friend into his arms, looking down at her worriedly.

The next day Sam woke up, she couldn't remember a thing from yesterday. The last thing she remembered was Peter's voice in her head, then she blacked out and woke up in her room.

Derek must've taken her home…

Even after that, she still had to go to school. Not paying attention, someone bumped into her and she frowned, ready to snap.

Her eyes met the same blue eyes. It was that guy that told those girls off the other day.

Sam sighed. "My bad."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Nah, I'm sorry. You okay? You seem sad." He held out his hand. "Uh, Matt." She shook his hand. "Sam."

He smiled, "Nice to meet you. So, what's up? You got some relationship troubles or something?"

Sam let out a chuckle and shook her head. "No, just overthinking. A little stressed."

"Well, you should take some time to relax. Hey, I know this underground show that's happening this Friday. Maybe you'd like to go? Just to let off some steam.", he suggested.

It sounded like a party, and she didn't exactly have a social battery for that. She got lucky with going to that club and that was enough for her.   She hummed. "I got a friend that can hook you up with some tickets if you want. I'm going with Allison so I've already got to get a few, one more wouldn't hurt.", he said. Her eyes widened a bit.

"You're going with Allison?", Sam asked. He nodded. "Yeah I just asked her maybe 5 minutes ago."

"Oh, wow." Sam gave a fake smile. "I'm mad she didn't tell me about this party." Scott was not gonna be happy… 

He nodded again. "Did you want tickets?" Sam nodded. "Sure." 

Before he could, she noticed Scott running past them down the hallway.

"Scott?", Sam called after him. She turned to Matt apologetically. "I'll be back with you on that.", she says and run after Scott. What the hell was he in a rush for?

On the way, she made it to the boy's locker room which the door was left open. She walked in to see the lockers tipped over, and a shirtless Jackson on the floor.

"I have a restraining order!", he shouted.

"Trust me. I restrained myself.", she heard Scott reply back.

Jackson shot up and ran Scott into the wired lockers. They began punching each other and Jackson had the upper hand—throwing Scott into the showers and continuing their fight there. Sam noticed Allison cowering on the floor, and she ran for her, crouching to her.

She seemed so out of it. What the hell did Jackson do…?

"Al- Allison. C'mon!", Sam say, pulling at the girl. "Let's go!", she ordered Allison, and got her to stand. Jackson kicked Scott into the tile wall, shattering it. He emerged from the showers to face Sam.

He glared at Sam. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

Scott threw a punch in his face and turned to her. "Get her out."

Sam's eyes widened as Jackson threw a weight at Scott. Much to Jackson's disappointment, Scott caught it and went back to fighting Jackson.

Just before the girls could get out, Mr. Harris yelled, storming in the locker room. "What the hell's going on?" 

They all looked at him, shocked. This was gonna be hard to explain.

Harris didn't even give them a chance to explain. He sent them all in detention, including Matt and Stiles who showed up minutes later.

"We can't be in detention together. I have a restraining order against these tools.", Jackson announced.

"All these tools?", Harris asked, unamused.

"No, just us tools.", Stiles corrected, referring to Scott and himself.

"Fine. You two over there.", Harris pointed to a table literally next to the table they had previously been in. Jackson looked at Harris with wide eyes.

Sam snickered, much to Jackson's annoyance. 

Sam sighed, pulling out a notebook and doodled as the students sat in silence. It was annoying having to sit next to a seething Jackson and a nervous Allison. He was the reason why she was so nervous, the asshole.

All of them, minus Harris paused at the word that escaped Matt's mouth.

"Kanima.", Matt said. Sam stopped doodling, not even bothering to look at him. She glanced at Allison as Allsion nervously glanced at Matt, and Sam immediately frowned.

For fuck's sake…

Allison made it so obvious with her quick nervousness. Why would you look directly at him? No doubt the other three boys did as well. 

Maybe he was just reading whatever he saw on his tablet. She hoped.

She glanced at Jackson who sat to the left of her.

"Why'd you do it?", she asked in a hushed tone.

"Why'd I do what?", he whispered back.

"You didn't mention me."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Why didn't you rat me out with Scott and Stiles? You're stupid, but not that stupid.", Sam hushed.

"Because."

"Jackson."

"Wilson."

"I just want to know why I don't have a restraining order from you."

"Because we have the same issue right now.", Jackson said. She didn't think that'd be his reason…

Sounds like he needs her.

Suddenly after a few minutes, Jackson began clutching his head, standing up and bringing his backpack with him. "I have to go to the bathroom.", he said, leaving the room.

"Are you alright? Hey, you don't look so good.", Harris said, standing then glared at the other remaining students. "No one leaves their seats." Harris threatened, going after Jackson.

Of course, not even two seconds later, Scott and Stiles moved.

Matt came over to Sam. "What, he catch you cheating and didn't snitch?", Matt asked with a light chuckle.

Sam nodded, giving a sigh of relief. He didn't know what they were talking about. Good.

The students' attention was brought to the PA. "Scott McCall, please report to the principal's office."

Sam frowned.

What'd Gerard want from Scott?

After Scott's return, Harris had them do shelving in the library which Sam didn't mind as much. More books for her to find and read.

"Didn't know you were a bookworm. Oh, wait, I did.", she heard Peter's voice. She gripped a shelf, taking deep breaths.

She wasn't sure what could happen. If he came out with Derek and Stiles…

"I could come out whenever I want, but where's the fun in letting you know when?", Peter teased.

She shivered then heard a scream and a growl. Sam quickly ran over to see Matt face down on the floor with a cut on the back of his neck.

Sam kneeled next to Scott as he examined Matt. A tremor rumbled from the ground and suddenly books and debris fell from above. The two blocked themselves as well as Matt from the falling debris.

"Erica!", Scott yelled, his fangs and golden eyes evident. She returned his call with a terrified roar.

More rumbles erupted and books flew out of their shelves as we ducked and flinched. 

Suddenly they heard Erica scream, and struggled to get to her, leaving Matt.

They turned around and flinched when Jackson, his face half covered green scales and his eyes changed to golden slits, standing there. He roared at them causing Scott to push Sam back into the aisle.

Jackson threw Scott back and Sam ducked behind another aisle, getting to Erica.

Jackson walked over to the chalkboard, the lights flickering above him, his body moved like he was possessed as he picked up a chalk and began writing without even looking.

'Stay out of my way or I'll kill all of you.' After that, he suddenly began running and jumped out a window.

Scott, who finally emerged from the aisle with Stiles and Allison as they walked over to the board.

Sam noticed Erica trembling and her eyes widened in realization as she quickly took the girl in her arms. "Guys, I think she's having a seizure!", Sam yelled, catching their attention.

Stiles rushed to them, taking the shaking Erica into his arms. Allison went and rushed to matt.

"We need to get her to a hospital.", Sam says. Erica made a noise of disapproval. "D-D-Derek. Only to Derek.", she stuttered.

What the hell was Derek gonna do for her?

Scott was practically whining about leaving Allison on her own which made the rest of them look at him irritated.

"Scott, not the time to have sappy relationship talks!", Erica began shaking more.

"Call him.", Stiles told Sam. she huffed and called Derek immediately.

"What happened, now?", he answered, annoyed.

"We have a problem. It's Erica. I can't explain everything but it's an emergency. We're coming to you."

They arrived at Derek's hideout less than ten minutes later thanks to Stiles' speeding.

"Hold her up.", Derek ordered once they were in one of the empty train carts. Stiles got behind Erica's head and held up the top half of her body on his knees.

"Is she dying?", Stiles asked.

"I don't know, she might. Boy, this is going to hurt.", Derek said, taking Erica's arm and breaking it. She let out a blood curdling screech of pain and Sam gagged at the way he bent it.

"You broke her arm?", Stiles screamed in disbelief, wrapping his arms tighter around Erica.

"It'll trigger the healing process. I still have to get the venom out, this is where it's really going to hurt.", Derek put both hands on Erica's forearm and began twisting and squeezing the skin.

Her screams got louder as she thrashed from the dark red blood began pouring out onto the newspaper below her. She was screaming and stopped, panting as she fell back into stiles, almost passing out from pain.

"Stiles," she panted, "you make a good batman.", she reassured then looked at Sam with a weak smile. "Thank you.", she mouthed before she passed out. Derek continued to drain her blood.

Sam sighed and got up as Derek finished, exiting the car and leaning on a wall as Scott and Derek discussed.

She felt a twinge of pain in her head and winced, hoping it'd pass. It didn't.

Through the midst of her trying to hold back a shout of pain from the increasing headache, she could see Peter's silhouette walk up to her and she looked down, praying he'd go away.

"There's not enough prayers in the world that will stop me.", she hears before blacking out.

Derek noticed the girl on the wall, twitching in the shadows and moving to leave the car. He dismissed Scott and moved to follow the girl, only to stop as he saw her waiting outside with a smile and yellow piercing eyes.

"Look at you being a good alpha.", he hears her say.

Derek immediately frowned. "I don't need to know whether or not you think I am."

Her eyebrows raised. "It's definitely a different look for you though. Caring so much for others. You haven't done that in so long."

"I don't care.", Derek disagreed. She chuckled.  "You don't? Hm."

She walked away from him only for Derek to grab her arm. "Give her back.", he growled.

She stared at him before giving him a slight courtesy. "Okay."

Sam's eyes fluttered back to her color and closed as she fell into Derek's arms. He frowned, looking at the girl he held and let out a sigh as he picked her up and led her to an abandoned seat he found. 

After Sam had woken up, she looked to see Derek staring outside a window. Her shuffling caught his attention. "You're finally awake.", he said, walking over to her and sat down.

She nodded, avoiding his eyes.

Before he could even say anything, she spoke up. "He's been haunting me. Like it's my fault. Maybe it is. You're probably right, I should've stayed out of it. But I couldn't. And despite all of this, I don't regret doing so.", she says, finally looking at him.

He looked at her with a deep frown. "I'm not asking for sympathy or for help, though it would be nice. But… I don't know. I'm alone and he's there, I'm not alone and he's there. Me and Lydia literally saw him at the ice rink. He was under the ice like he drowned there. I thought it was just a hallucination and maybe it was.", she blinked back oncoming tears.

"There's no way to know anymore. Everything's so confusing. I don't even hear the voices anymore. They stopped the moment we were at the house.", she said, placing her palms on her eyes.

His eyebrows furrowed as he listened. "She-- they-- I don't know. Whoever it was, told me they wouldn't let him have his way and yet… he took over my body.", she says almost as if she didn't believe it herself.

"I'm not the only one, though. Jackson's being controlled. We don't know who's controlling him.", she confessed. 

[timeoverload]

I snapped today. I cried a lot of the day and it made it really hard to do my job. I thought I was doing better mentally but maybe I'm not. My physical health is greatly impacting my state of mind. I had to lock myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes earlier and I got so behind. I also had 32 cases and no one would help me. I am so overwhelmed. I am in a lot of pain and I can't feel my foot.

My feelings are also very hurt and I'm not trying to start any problems but I just want to know what's going on. I can't believe you are making me wait at least another month. I don't know who made the decision that I had to be living at home for like 2 years before I could date anyone. I should be able to make those decisions for myself. I will be 30 this year... I feel like that's what's going on and I'm not happy about it. I feel like I'm being treated like a child. I don't know if anything is ever going to happen at this rate and maybe I'm feeling pessimistic at the moment. I just want to be with the person I love.

I'm not sure if I'm right but I have been lied to so much and I'm sick of it. I don't know what to believe. Healthy relationships aren't built on lies and secrets. Also, if you didn't want to date me right away, you could have just told me to ease my anxiety. Instead I am left in the dark without a plan and very confused. I understand the need to take a break from dating after ending a relationship but 2 years??? What was the purpose of asking me to come in on walk-in days and stuff??? Of course I wanted to see you but I don't get it. I was so anxious every time for nothing and you just wanted to test me. Why did you keep teasing me and saying that something was going to happen??? I feel like I'm playing a game that I will never win. This fucking sucks. I don't know if your social anxiety is really that bad or if you are just making excuses to try to stall and drag this situation out longer than necessary. I have never been so confused in my entire life.

I feel like no one is actually listening to me when I talk about how much pain I'm in and how much I'm suffering. How are you all ok with seeing me like this??? My dad helps me take care of the cats, makes sure I can get to work, and makes me food sometimes. He helps me with a lot of things and I do appreciate that. I wish that he could take my pain away though. I don't want to suffer anymore. I have no quality of life. I need help now. :'(

I miss my mom a lot. I wish she could help me. She used to always be there and take care of me when I was sick. It has been so long since I saw her or talked to her but I can't even try to have a conversation or she will attack me.

It also sucks seeing everyone else living their lives and having fun while I'm trapped in this bubble. I try not to get depressed about it but I'm having a hard time. I want to have fun sometimes too... I need something good to happen to me for real.

I'm not the type of person to hold grudges or anything but it is going to take me a long time to heal from all of this. I hate feeling like this and I am so sad. I wish I could stop crying but I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon. What did I do that was so bad to deserve this punishment? I was already getting punished for years before all of this started. I guess maybe I deserve it because I'm a terrible person. I can't say that I've never gotten to do fun things but the majority of my life has been hell.

I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. I'm sorry I dropped out of college and I'm not as successful as I should be. I'm sorry I trapped myself in a dead end job. I'm sorry my work isn't good enough for anyone. I don't work hard enough. I'm sorry I am a mess all the time and I can't get my shit together. I feel like I'm so annoying and just a burden to everyone. I'm sorry for asking for help.

Since no one will help me, I decided that the only way I can help myself right now is to reduce my hours at work. Tomorrow morning I am going to email the director to tell him that I want to cut my hours. I can work 30 hours a week and retain my benefits. I don't know how much it will help at this point but I can't wait around anymore. I desperately need some sort of relief, especially after today. I can't fucking handle it anymore. Everything sucks so bad.

Honestly, I don't want to talk to anyone right now unless they can help me feel better. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a bitch. I don't want to annoy everyone with my problems and be a downer. I feel like a broken record since I have the same problems almost every day. It's also going to be very busy the rest of the week so I probably won't have the energy to get on here either. I don't have much else to say. I'm going to force myself to eat something and put ice on my swollen toes. I will probably get ready for bed after that. I'm sorry for being crabby and miserable. I hope that I'm not an emotional wreck tomorrow.

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the week. Thanks for putting up with me.

[bastardhalfspider]

about ashley parker barton as told by ashe

MAIN VERSE / MAIN SETTING -> The Wastelands Earth, inspired by the original Marvel Wastelands material and original version of Ashley Barton, now being developed by @crisispider & @oceansfirst's as an original character. Ashley Parker-Barton is a half-OC child of Clint Barton and Peter Parker || she will have a 616 verse // crossover verse // spiderverse // multiverse // time travel verse, open for interaction -> so everyone love on her too

❝ Fuck, fine, I'll do a futzing origin story. You can call me ASHE, or Ashley's fine too I guess. My alias? That would be just Spider. ❞

❝ My birth is kind of a strange story. My sperm donor is Charles Bernard Barton, which I'm sure SOME of you may know the name. Trickshot once, complicated brother of Hawkeye? ⸻ No one really knows the story, it's all word of mouth from the chick who hadd my egg or whatever, DAD WHO RAISED ME has her name or whatever ⸻ ❞

❝ Anyways, turns out Barney blew up his life or something. Chick he was living on a private island with dumps him and keeps the islandd for her, her kids, and these FREAK kids that got dropped off by DAD WHO SHOULD BE DEAD ⸻ So, Barney Barton is some-fucking-where until he meets this girl and she gets pregnant with me, and than she doesn't tell him and he's gone anyways. ⸻ I did mention my story is a fuggin' shitshow, right? ❞

❝ She decides she wants to keep the baby, which really maybe she should have regretted that earlier than she did ⸻ TASTELESS JOKE? You should see the world I come from now ⸻ Girl thinks she's gonna keep me until, well, she has me. She's holding this baby me in her hands, and must realize shit, this kid's unlovable or something. Remembers that the dick who got her pregnant had a superhero brother, and takes me to Clint Barton and Peter Parker's residence, and well? ❞

❝ Maybe the only happy part of this story and I don't even remember it since I was like four months old or somethin' ⸻ Turns out Dad 1 and Dad 2, were talking another baby. See Dad 1 had a kid already from his ex-wife, who like he tell me Mary Jane Watson is my god-mom or auntie but whatever, so I literally fell in their lap. Woman didn't even really give me a name, she tried. ⸻ They name me Ashley ❞

❝ Now the Parker-Bartons are a family of four and half, or three and half. My big sister Mayday's got three parents, or two and a half. However, you wanna count it. Clint and Peter, married. Clint being the bonus dad to Mayday, when she's with her Dad, our dad and I'm ⸻ something there too now. Adopted by my technically blood-uncle, but I'm suppose to call him Dad or Papa, and adopted by Dad, Peter Parker. ❞

❝ This is all stories told to me by Dad, that's the Spiderman one, I never knew Hawkeye. HE DIED, or so we thought. I was just a toddler, not old enough for memories when V-DAY happened, and the entire country than world went nuclear. Heroes being slaughtered left and right, Spiderman took me, big sis Mayday, and Mayday's mom MJ and went deep underground and into hiding. ❞

❝ WE SURVIVE. Spiderman technically dies that day, because if any villain knew Spiderman was alive. He'd be one of the largest targets. Dad thinks his husband, that's Hawkeye is dead. ⸻ So I get one Dad, HIM, one parent. I also get my sister Mayday, but like she's the good kid. The lucky one, she had three parents and a baby sister, and only lost one. I had, well, her and DAD. ❞

❝ Dad gets Mayday's mom somewhere safe, and we go to visit her every few months over the years. Mayday's always had powers, so staying stationary too long could be dangerous. SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SUPER VILLAINS WOULD KILLS US. ⸻ I'm just extra luggage, but I grew up learning everything from Dad, and like I do love him a lot, 'kay? ⸻ So now you're looking at me and like why the spider suit, how'd you get powers thought you were some normie. ❞

❝ When I was eleven, I was dying. Losing a lot of blood, and Mayday and Dad are a mess about it ⸻ Dad takes a risk, saves me and transfuses blood to me. That's how I got the powers, Dad's mutated blood mutated me. Saved my life, made me more durable. I still can't stick to walls like Mayday or Dad could, but whatever. ❞

❝ The world's been fucked for most of my life, getting worse, Vilians fighting over territory, corpses of dead giants, Amerika turning into a wastelands. Dinosaurs from the savage lands loose, wild symbiotes, mollods, thing keep getting worse. Gangs popping up, country turning to dust and this is happening everywhere. ⸻ I don't think I'm a superhero, Dad tries to tell stories, so does MJ when we visit for Mayday to see her mom. ⸻ But I like the stories about the suit, about the heroes, and Mayday's in agreement with me. ❞

❝ So we both made our own spider suits, matching, and like Dad thinks its risky, stupid as well, but like if anyone comes for Spiderman? You bet our asses we could take them, and I'd lob off their heads ⸻ Mayday likes the suits cause she believes in superheroes, what they stood for. I like them cause I feel powerful behind the mask, cause I don't really know who I am under it. ❞

The symbol/logo I mashed together for Ashley Parker-Barton.

No official hero name besides Spider or Ashe is accepted.

[sims-inmymouth]

Delilah Five - Ep. 14

Trigger Warnings: Violence (against zombies; pictured and described), zombie bites (against a person; pictured and described), implied character death. General angst.

February 1

Dad,

How’s San Myshuno? I keep track of whatever news comes from the settlements there–the Spice District seems to be doing well. Is it? Is our old home still standing? I know I start off all these letters the same, but so much can change every day. I don’t know if you even get these letters. I drop off everything I write in a mailbox, but I don’t think services are running anymore. I hope you’re doing okay, Dad. Tell Mom I said I love her. 

I saved two lives today. I was out looking for more survivors with my good friend at the farm, Theodora. We were out looking for survivors in Henford-on-Bagley. You remember those old colonial riverside places? We went vacationing there once when I was six. Yes, I still remember everything. There should be pictures somewhere in the house.

We saw smoke coming from a house in Henford. It wasn't on fire because there wasn't any real warmth coming from it. We could hear people screaming inside. The place was overrun with four zombies. It doesn't sound like much, but for a little house like that. There were lots of wild foxes--still alive, not zombified. They were fighting with each other and everything.

The worst thing happened today, in that house full of zombies. Theodora was bitten. One of the zombie girls grabbed onto her, and before I could shoot, it bit her in the neck. I took my rifle, the one you gave me, and shot all the zombies in that house until they were damn dead. I wasn't fast enough to do that before Theo was bitten.

We were able to get her home safe, but she's already got a fever and she's not doing well. Dad, I'm really really scared. I don't want her to die. I wish you were here. I don't kno. I'm not sure what to do.

I'll never forget how Theodora looked after she was bitten. A huge gash in her neck. She was so pale. I could tell It seemed to be painful. I never want to see that ever again.

Once the zombies were dead, we cleared the rest of the house. Inside the bedroom were two girls. Still alive girls, about my age. They must've thought we were zombies, because when we broke down the door, they looked horrified.

Their names are Jehoiakim James and Abihail Stuckey. It was a bit hard to tell them apart--Abihail was smaller and wore a pink sweater with cows on it. We reassured them that they were safe, and that we wanted to help them come to safety.

The girls barricaded themselves in their bedroom after their four other roommates--the zombies--turned. The room was connected to their bathroom, so they had whatever water they could scrounge up there. They had no food. They were in there for weeks.

They could hear Theo screaming as she was bitten.

We coaxed them out of their bedroom and told them that they were safe to come out. When they saw their roommates, they cried. I'm not good with feelings, Dad. I didn't know what to do. I just watched them.

We told the girls they could live with us, for now. They're here on the farm, in tents outside by the garden.

When we got home, Theo was already failing. She had a fever, she was feeling really weak. It breaks my fucking heart, Dad. Tamah was horrified. She called Ruth and told her to come back home (she was away helping out a neighbor). She ordered Theodora to go into our bunker and wait for the infection to turn her. I've never seen Tamah look so defeated and sad.

Dad, what I did next was... something you may not have expected. I was so overcome with grief for this girl who I've spent so much time with, who I've loved so much. I grabbed her and, well,

She seemed to be, well, receptive, to say the least.

I don't know what this makes us. I guess it doesn't matter, since Theodora is going to die, and Tamah is going to shoot her before she turns.

The four women who lived with these survivors are named Lebanah Akres, Sachia Browning, Bilhal Norwood, and Bethel Honeycutt. They are all dead and zombified. I’m going to talk to some folks who work in radio and see if they know these girls. We’re going to try to contact their next-of-kin. If I’m honest, Dad, I don’t know if it’ll work. We just met these radio folks a few days ago, and their new radio tower is only a few days repaired. If we can get in contact with their families, I’m going to try to find you and Mom. I need to be with you again right now. I feel sick, Dad. I can't be alone right now.

If you’re alive, I’ll come home and stay with you in the Spice District. Or even better, you can come live on the farm. We’ve got food, shelter, even some plumbing! That has to be a luxury, right? 

No matter where you go, I want to be there with you. I hope I can find you again.

With love,

Hossannah

[floral-hex]

I don’t know why I’m writing this.

My hearing has kind of gone out again. By “out” I mean I am overwhelmed by tinnitus, dead air, distorted hearing. My hearing aids don’t help, they just make the muddle louder. I’m in a bad place. I feel sick. I’m having a hard time eating. I’m sleeping too much. It’s not just hearing loss, there’s a mental component to it. I feel closed off. I feel so alone. I haven’t been this depressed in awhile. I shouldn’t have stopped antidepressants and now I’m scared to start again because starting them is always the worst, and, well, to be honest, I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts these last few days. I can’t see myself living with this for long. I’m scared. I’m alone. Even around others, I feel alone because I can’t understand them and I hate forcing myself and my problems on them. My mother asked how my hearing was today and I broke down in front of her. She’s not my therapist, I hate putting my problems on her, but I couldn’t hold it. I’ve been so desperate for some human contact, for someone to vent to, that I just started weeping. I told her I’m scared about how I’ll live, that I’m falling apart and have been thinking about ending things. We talked for a bit and she said she’d help me make some appointments tomorrow since I can’t really hear right now. I hate this. I hate making her worry. Telling your mom you want to kill yourself… fucking sucks. I don’t know how else to put it. She said she’d take me to the hospital at any hour, if I needed it. She doesn’t deserve that pain. Im not going to do anything harmful. I haven’t reached that point. I’d never want to hurt my family like that. I couldn’t imagine leaving my little brothers. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed.

I wish I could move to some deaf commune like from Sound of Metal. I wish there was a place I could go where I wouldn’t have to worry about my future. Just give me a simple job, a small room, 3 meals a day, and that’s all I want. I’m so lost. I have no friends. No prospects. I miss my dad. I miss being small and having someone else in control. I miss having a partner there, just someone next to me in bed, some other warm body to hold on to when I need physical comfort. I’m sitting in the kitchen right now because I can’t be in my room right now. It feels like a tomb. I hate that it’s 2 a.m. I hate that I’ve been sleeping all day. I have no where to go and I feel alone. I cancelled my gym membership. Too much money and I didn’t have the transportation. They used to be 24 hours before covid. When I first moved back to Arkansas, I was depressed like this. I’d go to the gym at about this time of night while I was depressed. I miss that. Some place to go when my mind needed distracting. Now I have nowhere. I don’t know what to do. I’m just going to keep writing because I need this distraction. I don’t expect anyone to read this. I don’t know if I want them to. To be honest, I don’t even feel like I have friends online anymore. Mutuals keep deleting. All my old friends have moved on. I’m bad at chatting with new friends because I have nothing to talk about. I have such a nothing life. I feel ashamed when people ask about me, about my life.

You want to know about me? I’m… fuck, I don’t remember how old I am. Fuck, I’m 34. I’m 34 and unemployed. I dropped out of college. I can’t hold a job. I was excited about trying to get a job, I thought my hearing had been holding up, I was going to send out applications, I swear, but this present problem has just made me feel hopeless. I can’t make friends because I’m 34, unemployed, live with my family, and have no hobbies besides sleeping and just surviving. I’m sorry. I want to be your friend. I want people to be my friend. I don’t want to die and be forgotten. I put out albums in my 20s! I had a cooking show in high school! I had friends, I went to concerts, I’ve had so many cats. I’m going to be forgotten. My bandcamp will never get visited. I have albums worth of instrumentals I wrote in my early 20s that no one will ever hear. I’ve been thinking about writing a book for years, but I’ve never sat down to actually write. My own family won’t know about these things. I’m going to be forgotten and that feels worse than death. I need my family and friends to know how much I love them. I love them so much. They’re the only reason I don’t want to go. I want to see my brothers grow up. Im so scared. I’m scared for them and I can’t help them. I have nothing to offer them. The world is too heavy. And they’ll be off to college soon enough and I’ll never see them. They’re at that age where they go straight to their room, they don’t talk to me much. I miss watching movies with my little brother. I miss playing video games with them. Talking with them. I just want to hold them and tell them I love them. That they saved my life. That I’ll be here for them as long as I can so please, please don’t shut me out. Please just sit and watch a dumb movie with me and be with me for a little bit because I need to be with them, in that moment, while they’re young, so I can remember this. They’re going to go off to college, they’re going to go live their lives, and I’ll still be here and I know they’ll still love me but I won’t matter as much. I’m worried about my mom. She’s sick all the time. She can’t work anymore. Life is crushing down on us. I don’t want her to hurt. I don’t want her to leave us. I don’t want her to leave her teenage sons. That’s not fair. They need their mom. Their dad already ran off. I don’t want them to be alone. I don’t want them to be 20 and scared and miss their mom. I wish I could be there for them. I told her I was worried about losing her, and she said she could live another 10 years. That sounds like no time at all. 10 years, if we’re lucky. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want my brothers to lose her.

All I see is everything’s expiration date. I’m so focused on the end. I want to be here, now, but I’m so scared. I’m wasting it. It’s 2:40 in the morning and the world feels dead. I feel like I’m on a dead planet and I’m just sitting here, rotting and postponing the end. It could just end right now, tonight. I know it would be scary, but when it happens, it’s just dark and nothing. Once I passes out giving blood. It was just dizziness, nausea, and then nothing. When I came to, I was surprised how… nothing, it was. It just happened and it was nothingness. No dreams, just gone. I know it’s not the same, but it also kind of is. I’m scared. I don’t want that. I don’t want nothing. I want life. I want to be happy. Please, I need something, I need to be happy, I need a life. I need friends and I need a job and my family and I need my hearing to just fucking figure itself out. I can’t do this “one month of good hearings, one month of bad hearing, repeat.” If I can just survive a little while, I know it’s bad right now. It gets bad.

I have to be positive. I have to be. So tomorrow I’m going to make some appointments, or my mom will if I can’t hear, and I’m going to try to get on some antidepressants, even though I’m scared about how I’ll feel, and I’m going to beg for something like Xanax to help give me immediate relief for these ever increasing moments of massive anxiety and hopelessness. I’m going to try to demand ear tubes. I don’t know if they’ll work, but I’m lost. I’m desperate. Please, just do this small unnecessary surgery so I can feel like I’m doing something. I think I’m going to go back to therapy. I haven’t been in years. I wish weed was legal here, because god knows I need it, but it’s not like I could afford it if I could buy it. I need money. I need to go out. I feel so closed off. I need to go to the movies or bowling or even just back to a gym. Please please let my hearing clear up so I can get a simple job and have some kind of pay check. I shouldn’t be this old and feel this lost.

So now it’s 2:45. I’m in the kitchen. I drank some coffee because I needed the caffeine and sugar to hopefully give me a dopamine boost. I don’t know if it did. I’ve just been crying this whole time, so I don’t know. I slept all day. I need to be awake during the day, so I shouldn’t be drinking coffee, but I think soon I’m going to take some Benadryl, take a shower, and try to sleep until the sun comes up. I feel sick. I’ve been sleeping too much. I have no appetite so I’ve been forcing myself to eat, but it’s all tasteless and hard to swallow. I’ve been here before. I know it can get better. I don’t know how, I mean, everything else seems to be collapsing inward on my family right now, but… I have to believe things can get better. I feel like I’m choking right now. I feel trapped and suffocating. I’m so nauseas and sick and scared. I just want someone to walk in and say “hey, can I sit with you awhile?” I’ll keep going, but this is…

AND I can’t fucking use this app because it eats my battery and overheats my phone! What the hell.

Okay, 3 a.m. 3:05. What am I doing

I ran out of space for tags. This is too long. No one is going to read any of this. Why would you? You shouldn’t. It’s like a really long sad sad rant. Aaaaaaaa I’m losing it. I’m lonely. I’m burnt out. Half tempted to join a cult so I can just live with a group of people that control my life for me. I know that’s a shitty joke and cults are terrible, but also my brain is so bad and I feel so hopeless that when I say I’m half joking, I really do mean I’m partially serious. Sure sure, you’re God, dude, that’s cool, I’ll believe that, just give me a bed, 3 meals, and I’m in. Aaaahh ughhhh 3:15. What am I doing? How many followers will I lose for this? Why do I even have this blog? I’ve been on here for, I don’t know… I want to guess 15 years. Maybe more, maybe less. I don’t know why. It’s some connection to the outside world. No one talks to me on here. Sometimes they do. Some years they do, some years I just “exist” on here with very few interactions. It’s sad. I need real friends. I need a job so my coworkers can be friends. I need money to go out. I need self confidence and money and a job so I can join some dumb dating or friendship app, but right now… okay, I can’t go back down that road right now. Just scroll back up and reread my whining.

3:20. Distract myself. Keep writing. Distract. I can’t write forever. Okay. I need to go. I’ll be okay. I’ll try to be. If you read some of this, I’m sorry, but maybe thank you. I don’t deserve you. This world is so scary and lonely. Thank you for being here. Really. I appreciate you.