#Natural selection tbh

[stormears]

My boss messaged me this morning asking if I had time for a quick call, and the purpose of the quick call was to ask if I would be willing to go on a 2-week long work trip to A L A S K A

I said yes :0

[frodolives]

1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...

🧔🏻‍♂️ queerqueg Follow

the franklin expedition is dead as hell

👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow

Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan

10,558 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all

#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh

659 notes

🎨 asherbrowndurand

Just painted this

2 notes

ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927

RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed

🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow

HERITAGE POST

📝 shakespearesforehead Follow

How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol

82,170 notes

🌄 loyalromantic Follow

poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/

#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect

6,884 notes

🎀 thefopdiaries Follow

I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling

📜 bartlebi-thescrivener

i think i hauve consumption

112 notes

🐋 whaler4life

They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME

11 notes

🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow

I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense

#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo

56 notes

🤵🏻‍♂️ byronicherotournament Follow

🙈 butchbronte Follow

Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep

🙈 butchbronte Follow

I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened

📖 sapphichelenburns Follow

And? God forbid women do anything

#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily

8,027 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon

#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting

522 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 hartgrindisreal

LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH

#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....

2,309 notes

⭐️ newamerican

Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol

#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure

0 notes

[arolesbianism]

I've been passively watching an isat playthrough while twiddling my thumbs in my current oni save as I wait for my new power systems to be done and hey guys. I think one of these bitches is aromantic. Why did no one tell me one of these bitches is aromantic I would have played the game myself if I knew that

[morebird]

Okay finally

Small lighting tutorial (very long post, lots of images)

First of all I work on PS but if you have basic knowledge of your program of choice this will be easy to follow.

Second I use a different layer for everything. So assume that each screenshot is a new layer.

Third I've seen people not knowing how to choose colors for light and shadow and for me it comes out naturally so I don't put that much thought in it, but picking the neighboring color in the color wheel never fails, so lets say you use a red for the lighting, then pick either orange or pink for the shadow. The shadow should be fairly desaturated. However if the lighting is the desaturated you can go wild with the shadow saturation. But this is subjective and it's very dependent on your goals and art style.

Okay let's start:

Line art

Base color

Now for the shadow layer. The layer blending mode is in hard light mode

I use the quick selection tool on the previous base color layer, and in the new shadow layer with the hard light mode set I fill the selection with the paint bucket tool.

The lighting layer is on the linear dodge (add) mode.

I use the lasso tool to select the lighting parts, then I fill it with paint bucket tool.

Then once I have everything, I use the quick selection tool on this lighting layer, and in a new layer also on linear dodge mode I use a radial gradient, drag it from the direction of the light source, you have to try it out on it's own but it usual takes me a couple of tries to get the desired intensity.

Also tbh you can just leave it like that no gradient, if pure cel shading is your goal.

I add all the extra shadows, this layer is also on hard light mode, I use the lasso tool and a normal round soft brush.

This next part is something that I sometimes do and sometimes it's not necessary, in this case since the light source is moonlight the light on the clothes should bounce off on the face so I do an extra gradient. (or just do this if you want to make it lighter lmao)

With the quick selection tool, I select either the base color or the shadow layer, and in a new layer with the linear dodge mode, I use a gradient, it has to be either a fairly dark color or a very soft gradient.

And lastly in a new layer, with linear dodge mode I use a soft edge brush on top of the lighting areas, to give it that glow.

Sometimes, like in this case, I have to use some color balance adjustments, more contrast or brightness.

And that's it. Good luck and hope this helped you, if you have any questions my inbox is open 😊

If you think oh I cant believe this creature just gave me great knowledge for free, and you want to drop a few coins in my direction here's my ko-fi

[afsosville]

You know what would've been nice? Shen Jiu ending up on a different peak that's actually good for him. Maybe Qian Cao, or the beast taming peak could've been hella therapeutic. Or the alcohol/brewery peak to drown away all his sorrows. But what if he stayed fucked up, in a way that's actually good and productive for society? Yeah, I wanna toss him over to Yin Hui and let him run wild! I've seen many iterations of Yin Hui, the fanon peak for espionage and poisons in fanfics. By extension, Yin Hui is also covertly the assassination peak, and I wish this peak got more attention around here tbh. Why do I think this peak is the most well suited for Shen Jiu? BECAUSE ASSASSINS. Duh.

So here comes a baby demonic cultivator Shen Jiu and the Yin Hui peak lord immediately wants him. Shen Jiu would be more readily accepted by his peak martial siblings, and no one would bat an eye at Shen Jiu, his standoffish personality or shady past. A lot of Yin Hui disciples are from questionable backgrounds since the Yin Hui peak lord naturally has to be very particular about selecting their disciples. Yin Hui was established to protect the sect and its people by any means necessary. Sure, the rest of the sect may fight against the supernatural, demons, and the undead, but Yin Hui fights an even greater monster: people.

The Yin Hui peak lord manipulated things so that the first impression the rest of the sect has about Shen Jiu is 'that new badass Yin Hui disciple that killed the criminal Wu Yanzi and saved the future sect leader!' (Seeing as Wu Yanzi would be the very sort of ppl they assassinate, he's already getting goated on Yin Hui too.) So Shen Jiu is known as that new prodigious disciple from Yin Hui and is getting some goddamn respect! And just because of his association with his peak, fewer people are inclined to question his background and whatnot since there's an understanding that the identity of the YH disciples needs to be heavily guarded. The Yin Hui peak lord finds out about the Qiu's soon enough, and they erase any and all traces leading back to Shen Jiu. Even framing it in a way that makes it look like WY did the massacre. Any credibility Qiu Haitang could've had for Shen Jiu's murder accusations is thrown out the window. (Ain’t no way in hell the Yin Hui peak lord is going to name SJ that stupid trauma inducing name like a certain Qing Jing peak lord, that's for sure.)

I'm pulling in elements from MDZS over here. In my version of Yin Hui, they have disciples who practice demonic cultivation, but they make sure it's in a safer way that won't hurt them. There's a surprising number of disciples who have damaged cultivation and chose to cultivate the ghost path. The previous generations of Yin Hui peak lords have created Wei Wuxian's inventions in this AU, and is used by the rest of the peak, like the compass of ill winds, paper metamorphosis, the spirit attraction flag, and empathy. I lowkey want a Wei Wuxian that's native to SV to be the Yin Hui peak lord, now that I think about it. He's good with his kiddos and would be an awesome shizun. And ofc, Shen Jiu is a reflection of his environment, so he's certainly making an example out of Wei Wuxian, one of the only positive influences in his life.

Shen Jiu still has his violent tendencies, so nothing has changed about that, but he learns to take that pent-up energy out on missions instead. And he does them well. It even gives him an edge. Everyone else thinks he's just reallyyy good at his job, as expected of the talented head disciple of Yin Hui!!

He really does try his best to not be an ass (bc he gets the love he deserves on Yin Hui) and ends up venting in a different way (coz he knows better than to take it out on people who don’t deserve it.) His shizun really gave him the free reign to kill sl@ve trad3rs, human tr@ffick3rs, r-ists, and other scum whenever he wanted, in the name of stress relief lol. If killing a particular person becomes politically complicated, like the Old Palace Bastard, then you best believe he's going to scheme like the little schemer he is. He's going to Nie Huaisang the OPM.

Since Shen Jiu is not salty about his fucked up cultivation, and his martial siblings respect him, they get along just fine. His cultivation is some parts similar to Wei Wuxian's: Shen Jiu is a ghost cultivator influenced by music. Sure, he may not be that great of a spiritual cultivator, so what? He's pulling up like the Yiling Patriarch with his demonic cultivation and a haunted guqin of his own.

And guess what? Shen Jiu enjoys teaching. He's training miniature assassins, spies, and the art of demonic cultivation, so forgive him if he's more than a little enthusiastic about it. I imagine that he's exactly like Shifu from kung fu panda when it comes to teaching. Still extremely harsh and strict when training, but outside of actually teaching, he's an attentive and caring shizun. And yes, he completely does act like a father figure who is proud of his murder babies, and ends up being called A-Ba so much that all of Cang Qiong thinks he's officially adopted every single one of his disciples. (After being saved by SJ on a mission, NYY persistently begs SJ to take her in even though he desperately thinks Yin Hui isn't a good fit for her. And then, after being under him for a while, she's completed her first mission successfully, has smn else's blood on her face, and is smiling brightly. 

Ning Yingying: "I completed my mission shizun! Are you proud of me?"

Shen Jiu: "..."

Some other peaklord: "Haha like father like daughter! She's definitely your girl alright!"

Shen Jiu: "...!?!" )

Yue Qingyuan is conerneth about his Xiao Jiu, but as long as he's happy, who cares. Shen Jiu has a better relationship with the other peak lords, so when asked about why he visits brothels, he straight up tells them that it's the best place to gather information in the dark. He doesn't have that mentality of "why explain myself when no ones finna believe me anyway" He actually trusts them and is more honest with time. Shen Jiu does come clean about killing the Qiu's at some point, and the peak lords are all like-

"I didn't hear shit"

"See, I'm blind in my left eye, and 75% blind in my right-"

"Completely understandable, Shen shidi!"

They don't even ask why he did it and just assume he had a valid reason, and he absolutely fucking did.

Oh, Shen Jiu gets accused of playing dirty? Liu Qingge, he literally kills ppl and makes poison as a daytime fucking job ofc he's gonna play dirty! Shen Jiu tried killing you that one time on the well mission? Bro you good? The fact that you think he tried to kill you and failed?? You just insulted an entire peak of disciples and their ancestors. You would've been dead before you could even think of sensing their killing intent if it were true. And there was a witness too, doofus. Be fucking for real. Nahh coz there definitely would be more people who are taking Shen Jiu's side whenever the two of them fight.

Shen Jiu uses a shit ton of versatile weapons because most of his fighting and cultivation prowess comes from his wits and adapting to fighting with different styles/methods. He is kinda similar to Xie Lian bc both of them lack spiritual energy/qi (damaged spirit roots in Shen Jiu's case), but that does not mean they are weaker. It just means they learned to train their body and minds instead of relying on cultivation/qi. He has a massive arsenal of weapons along with the demonic cultivation. (Airport security would hate him)

Yin Hui has got to be my favorite fanon peak, and Yin Hui! Shen Jiu plauges so many of my waking thoughts, I can't stop-

I can add elements from my other hyperfixation into this AU, the Avatar Chronicles. Which are the written books from ATLA. The criminal organization Kyoshi joined, the Daofei, for example, could be a good plot point. Or the Platinum Affair from the Yangchen books. If you don’t know what the Avatar Chronicles are, just ignore this last part lol.

[thatdeadaquarius]

That language SAGAU but the Reader can only communicate writing on paper.

Either the Reader is mute and they (characters) don't know/understand sign language or they somehow lost their voices on their transmigration to Teyvat and can only write now. But the characters are left trying to decipher what the Reader wrote.

Examples:

Kaeya: "I may say, that was very unexpected your grace. One such as yourself should be more aware of who you are."

Reader: "wat, y u sayin dat?"

×

Gorou: "Oh, your grace! Careful now. I am most certain that you stepped on something unsightly right now. Let me clean your feet, your grace."

Reader: "r u srs rn? Fml"

Ooooo, this is nice, this is niiccceeee /ref

this would be the energy⬇️

Man I love this show, I gotta finish it (it’s Komi Can’t Communicate for those who want to see it) where she basically is too shy/introverted to speak (non-verbal neurospicy it seems like to me actually lol) and really wants to make friends and do normal things despite not speaking, her main way of communicating is writing (and her first guy friend who can just read her facial/body language really well lmao)!!

☆

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them)

Planet: Headcanons-ish?

Stars: dashes/mention of most characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Reader/”you” are mute/lost their voice, & Trigger Warnings: None Known.

☆

This kinda falls into that post I made abt texting lingo, abt us being nigh incomprehensible when using texting lang. (its basically a code lol)

but i think it’s always neat to see nonverbal rep so here we are (also i think imma go ahead and say it is both selectively mute but also enforced by video game laws!)

u know a good explanation would be for this is actually abt how we technically are only allowed to freely communicate when we’re in chats,

so I could see that still being the only way we can commnicate in Teyvat (look am i little excited abt taking “video game world” a little too literally in every genshin AU ever- maybe.)

tbh i could see so many allogenes having to either learn to make room for you in convos and u also having to get wayyy more expressive in body language/facial expressions

tbh i think itd be pretty easy to get ur meaning, like in a battle or smth fast-paced where u couldnt write, like how Tinker Bell can?

if u dont know what i mean just search “tinkerbell scenes peter pan” on youtube and u can see ppl just having a full conversation with no words with her, which i think would deffo happen with ppl like Kaeya, Lisa, Lumine, Venti, Heizou, Ayato, Yae Miko, Thoma, Beidou and Itto surprisingly i could see it (ppl in the distance just think theyre all talking to themselves sometimes when ur not as visible hehe)

OMG they get u nice gifts for writing all the time, like the newest compact pens from Fontaine, the finest small, medium, and large notebooks from Inazuma,

like a little compact pocketbook so u can easily fit it in pockets!

u know Im absolutely sure you could literally start the texting appreviation trend in Tevyat like this-

like just so it’s easier to communicate with you, a lot of people are willing to adapt/take on abbreviations like “ttyl, gtg, wth, lol, lmao” even stuff like “etc”

lol u start a whole trend in the writing letters business, hehe silly medieval Teyvat is silly and medieval

yknow I think the quieter vision users would definitely find you to be peaceful to be around and easy to understand just with writing (also deffo most likely to adore the soft moments together of just ur pen scribbling and the sounds of nature or a cafe or something around them),

tbh i also think these ppl would be motivated to talk to you alone, or get you away to just talk the two of you for all the reasons above, like Xiao, Aether, Kazuha, Ayaka, Chongyun, Zhongli, Diluc, Sayu, Ei, Sucrose, Eula, Ganyu, Ningguang, Tighnari, Alhaitham omg he might literally be able to take his headphones off around u bc youd be in such quiet spaces all the time, and bc u dont talk he doesn’t have to worry abt u getting loud either lmao

…and then ofc, there’s the bitches that try and guess what ur writing ahead of timeeee 😭

bein all like, “Uh… you.. would like.. to go to… a restaurant… to get some- OH OH I got this one this time! Some pita pockets! …Oh. A drink. Right. Sorry, again.”

definitely Itto, Cyno, Heizou, Xingqiu, Fischl, Amber, Collei, Dehya, Wanderer, Childe, Venti, Keqing (she just used to being fast ok), Kaveh lmao

☆

I hope my reply was a little fun!! THANK U FOR SENDING THIS I LOVE THIS SM!! Man it’s so hard to make you feel my appreciation for this idea thru the damn screen

like how do i send a virtual hug

ANYWAY, if you or anybody else had an idea for celebrating 1000 followers lmk bc i am STRUGGLING with this same issue for that,

like how to make u guys feel my love 😩 ❤️‍🔥

☆

Safe travels ignihideous,

💀♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonderss / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi

[stayconnecteed]

stray kids as demigods? who's their godly parent?

moony, you're the queen of my ot8 skz headcanons 🫶🏼 this is not based on percy jackson's gods, but the real stories about them btw & either as gods or sons of them, i'm just talking about their characteristics. also YEAH the gods selected are the parents of my pjo au djksndlsndkd couldn't help it !!

﹙ ★ ﹚ bangchan — zeus. hear me out, he's the king of gods. the leader. of course it suits him. it's true that everyone knows zeus is the worst thing that could happen, but with chan wouldn't be like that. he is powerful, we all have seen those videos of him using his leader card. he's also wise, because he has to control the weather and resolve conflicts or problems between the gods with a minimum of justice. his symbols is the thunder, and i can almost see the lightning, blinding light of a storm in his eyes every time he gets really angry. and, how could it be otherwise, his love life. he may be delulu in real life, but he has also that fuckboy vibe. fits all of zeus's affairs tbh.

﹙ ★ ﹚ lee know — hades. shady, reserved hades. he might have a three headed cat instead of the original hades' dog (soonie's, soongie's & dori's heads all in one big ass kitty) but he loves his place in the underworld. calmness, quietness, tranquility, far far away from all the chaos of the other gods. he might travel to the outside just to add to the chaos, ngl, but at the end of the day he wants to drown in the silence. he perseveres a lot too, and he's stern. very forbidding, and he doesn't interfere into his jugdes sessions - he might be the guardian of the death, but he doesn't take favourites. except his wife, whom he worships every day.

﹙ ★ ﹚ seo changbin — hephaestus. he's described as a kind & hardworking god. he's very resilient, doesn't care about power. he just wants to do his thing and be happy. binnie as hephaestus wouldn't be very good (he's too clumsy to be a blacksmith) but he tries. many people reject him because of his physique, but he just wants to help. he likes to create tools and objects that can be of help to the people around him, he likes to fix things that have been broken. he might not talk about his feelings, but he deserves to be treated with a lot of care and affection, because he feels other people's feelings are more important that his own.

﹙ ★ ﹚ hwang hyunjin — aphrodite. hell yeah. first of all, he's changbin's wife (let's ignore that the real greek gods are married but hate each other). the god of love and desire. because he's in love with love and the idea of giving and receiving love and being in love - but he also spills desire wherever he goes. one look at him and oh you're soo doomed. he's an influencer too. obviously not like the ones we see on ig, but you naturally just tend to imitate him a little bit whenever you see him (and he can influence you and your love life and your perception of reality if he wants). also, like aphrodite, he rised from the past. she was born out of sea foam when uranus was murdered, our hyune was born again when he came back from his hiatus.

﹙ ★ ﹚ han jisung — apollo. every single characteristic of the thousands of symbols apollo has as a god fit jisung. god of medicine, because he is slowly healing from his own wounds, and one genuine smile of him can heal our days. god of music, because with his lyrics and a lazy scratch of the strings of his guitar he creates masterpieces. god of light, because even if the sun is too bright and he represents more that shadowy, warm sunset oranges, he brings light into our lives. and god of knowledge, because he's very very smart and he's always watching documentals and reading about whatever he's into at the moment, learning something every day. he's a calm but chaotic god, and he's sliightly dependent on zeus (he's chan's first stray kid after all).

﹙ ★ ﹚ lee felix — poseidon. i know the original poseidon is more of a bad tempered, almost dictatorial god and it doesn't fit him at all, so here i was thinking more of percy jackson. that adhd kid, so energetic and ready to have a good time, humorous but completely oblivious. he gets angry when things don't go his way, or when he loses (in videogames or real demigod battles), but he's loyal to his friends. loyal to dead. and brave and caring and sensitive, even if he tries to hide it with sarcasm because it's dangerous to show who do you care about.

﹙ ★ ﹚ kim seungmin — athena. our witty, wise, smart ass boy. he loves a good fight. he loves to create chaos. but when he's involved, he's always, always going to adopt a strategic warfare, ready to win with the most unexpected but intelligent tricks. he prefers to defend than to attack, unless he's with friends and in a space where he feels comfortable - then he will destroy you and you won't be able to say a word. but it's his love language bdkwnfke he has a strong vision of justice, and will act as he thinks because he knows he's generally right. he's helped heroes when they needed it because he knows what it is to feel helpless and alone and doesn't want anyone to feel that way, and he also is the god of homehold crafts, like cooking (just remember that athena & poseidon do not mix well and it will be even worse if you put them together in the kitchen).

﹙ ★ ﹚ jeongin — hermes. the cunning thief of the great twelve. he's the messenger of the gods, and the only one who is allowed to leave the underworld without consequences (because hades has a soft spot for him, ofc). he's very quick, guardian of literati and athletes, a troublemaker and trickster, but also solemn and responsible. he was the one who gave apollo one of his first instruments after a robbery in which he was caught, and somewhat he always finds himself in the middle of the most famous love stories (either helping the lovers or causing trouble). he hasn't find love yet, but he doesn't really care. he's enjoying his life, if it has to come, it will.

i am well aware that each one has a different perspective about the boys and yess i also see lix as apollo or changbin as ares, but i decided to give them these gods because i think they fit better. you're welcome to comment your opinion too 🫶🏼

[inkofthebrain]

Imperial

[Paul Atreides x F!Reader] 1468 words

Paul Atreides, Duke of Arakkis, takes the hand of the Emperor’s eldest daughter for the throne, yet neither are pleased. They know they must learn to be civil, but what will it cost them…

Tags: post-Dune 2, strays from book canon, no use of y/n, dune typical everything, Corinno!Reader, slow burn, enemies to lovers kind of? (More strangers to lovers tbh) ARRANGED MARRIAGE TROPE, not proofread LOL

Warnings: mild use of the voice on reader. Dune typical themes, motifs, and actions. Jessica being Jessica….

A/n: this chapter goes from 0 to 100 plot wise: be ready >:) sorry 4 whiplash… || Thank you for all the support! I upload these chapters as i write them so apologies for the spontaneous new chapters. My request are open for one shots and more!

Previous chapter Next chapter

masterlist

Three———

The following weeks with the Atreides are spent planning, discussing politics, and all the while you continued to silently observe Paul and his mother.

There are two things you are certain of. One, Bene Geserit have been at work, a congregation of women who you have always been weary of, and two—their plan had gone horribly wrong. Paul was the byproduct of a story not of his own which he, or should I say his mother, has appropriated for political power.

“Abomination”

Your fathers truth sayer’s words ring through you ears. You are terrified for what is to come, you gaze out of your bedroom window at the sloshing sea lapping at the edges of the cliff.

The nightmares about your soon to be home still plagued your nights, you were getting less and less sleep and as the wedding grew nearer your exhaustion grew with it. You prayed Arrakis would kill you quick.

You and paul spent hours in the Caladan meeting room, discussing the various political forces across the galaxy, alone and with both the Atreides and Imperial advisors. the details were complex, and Paul's understanding of the universe was quickly expanding by the day.

He learned about the various noble houses, the political factions within the houses, the imperial courts and their complex bureaucracy, and the many conflicting religions and belief systems across the galaxy.

This was just the basic information. the true power came from analyzing and understanding the social complexities and hidden motivations of the various players. Paul knows he must oblige with the current way things are running before slowly putting his own reforms and systems in place.

As you taught him the complex workings of the imperium and its politics, you realized his intelligence was unmatched. It was as if he absorbed the information like a sponge, taking it all in and putting it to use. his natural abilities coupled with his hard work and dedication made him a formidable political force.

You sensed that his thirst for knowledge and a desire to understand what drove the universe was insatiable, just as yours was.

You had grown closer to Paul but your shared disinterest in the Marriage lingered. You did not care for marrying a stranger, that was bound to happen, it was the circumstances of your engagement that lit an unpleasant fire in you. Paul, on the other hand, was clearly longing for something, someone, he knew he could not obtain.

You both were children who were manipulated, selected, and bred for this. And now as adults you must face your unnerving future.

Duty is everything in this world.

———

The day of the wedding was a week away, but the planning began much earlier. The ceremony was highly anticipated by the imperial court and the noble houses. rumors were rampant, various debates and gossip spread like wildfire. It was clear that this wedding was much more than a marriage of political convenience. It was a pivotal event for the empire, one that everyone would be watching closely and analyzing under a microscope.

As you walked to the dining hall, Delia at you side making occasional small talk, you mind was racing. You had compiled a highly educated theory based on observation and the small bits of Benne Geserit secrets you sister had let you in on. You were determined to gather more data to support this.

Jessica sat at the head of the table, Paul sat to her right and you sat to his left. The three of you were discussing the political ramifications of the wedding, how they would be viewed by the various noble houses and imperial courts. Your discussion was respectful and polite, but under the surface there was a tension, a subtle underlying pressure, that nobody acknowledged but was very present. After clearing her throat and waved the guards out of the room.

Your stomach dropped as she looked to you "Now, there's one other matter we've yet to discuss." She turns her attention towards you and looks straight at you, with a serious look on her face.

Jessica continues. "I am aware you understand the political nature of this union, and you understand the political implications of the ceremony itself. But what isn't discussed enough is the reality and expectation of the marriage after the ceremony. The two of you are to consummate the marriage immediately after, and the child that results from it will have enormous political implications. Do you understand what i'm saying?"

You almost choke on your wine at her boldness. Paul glances at you, he is alert to the seriousness in her tone, the way she is careful to drive home this specific point.

Still watching your reaction, she finally resumes speaking. "The consummation is expected to immediately produce a child. The pressure will be immense, and I am asking you to treat this with the upmost seriousness. The birth of the child will create a political shift that will alter the galaxy for generations. I trust you understand the gravity of the situation at hand? Correct?”

You take a large swig from your wine glass. “May I speak freely?”

"Yes, by all means, speak freely.”

You take a deep breath. “I have not been trained by the Bene Geserit like my sister so I am not privy in the ways” you pause. “But from my observations I have compiled a theory. There is a plan, a plan greater than us all. And you, Lady Jessica, set that plan on fire by giving the late Duke Leto a male heir. Yet they allowed you to become a Reverend mother after disobeying the high order.” You pause, watching her reaction. “Now you must scramble to solidify your disobedience into the prophecy”

Jessica is frozen for a few moments, eyes locked on your own, trying to hide the surprise you've seen through. It's clear that you've struck a nerve here.

Paul leans forward, his eyes locking onto yours. "This is impressive. Very impressive." there's a glimmer of admiration in his eyes, and the slightest of smiles tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“I assume I am correct then?” You look between the two

Jessica finally nods, a hint of a proud smile on her face. "You have struck at the very heart of it. My disobedience is not my own, Paul was set to be the bridge between the Bene Geserit and Atreides... and the imperium's entire future. And because of my actions, that entire future has been brought upon us prematurely. We have a plan, it is true. I will ensure that paul's inheritance of the empire remains intact. But you are key to that plan, and you must comply with my direction on this matter."

“Tell me everything.” You demand, your temper growing short as your heart starts beating faster and faster. “This is my life and the legacy of the Imperium!”

She leans forward, her intense gaze meeting yours. there's a firmness in her eyes, and she speaks with a sense of conviction. "Listen to me; if you wish to ensure your safety and the safety of Paul and the empire, then you will need to trust me. Do you trust me?"

“No!” You yell, “You made your son a false prophet and I refuse to go along with it until I am aware of every detail of this plan.”

“Calm yourself and listen” Jessica demands, her voice is dark and distorted. You are enchanted instantly—She has used the voice.

“Mother…” Paul says, guilt pricks at his soul as he watches your face go blank, but Jessica ignores him.

"I will not tell you everything at this very moment, but trust me, you will see it all in time. Just like I have, just like Paul has. There are some things that are necessary to keep from you until that time. I will tell you what you need to know, nothing more and nothing less. does that sound acceptable to you?"

Her hold on you breaks and you look to the mother and son in disgust. Everything about this woman is fabricated so she may complete her plan, a ploy in which you are just a mere stepping stone. Rage runs through your entire body with such velocity that you feel sick. You sit in silence.

“Do. You. Understand?” Paul’s voice is stern and startles you and you nod your head.

“Good” Jessica says flatly.

You turn your head to look out the window, closing your eyes while taking a deep breath you attempt to collect yourself. Paul and Jessica are staring into you. You can feel it.

———

Next chapter

🍾 Taglist @aoi-targaryen

[asvterias]

𝖡𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖠𝗉𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗈’𝗌 𝖣𝖺𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝗋 + 𝖯𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖼!𝖢𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗌𝖾 𝖫𝖺 𝖱𝗎𝖾

clarisse masterlist

clarisse la rue ✘ fem!demigod!reader (daughter of apollo)

word count: 584

author’s note: tbh i kinda struggled with this but pls tell me what you think of it. i also didn’t know if anon wanted platonically so i just went off what i think is implied in this ask! sorry to the anon if you wanted this to be romantically.

requested from anonymous!

Clarisse first met you at Camp Half-Blood after hearing about the mythical world from her mother.

She had just turned 13 when her mother decided that she wasn’t safe in the human world, sending her daughter to the hidden camp for safety.

You spent most of your life at Camp Half-Blood, growing up there since the age of 10! Years had passed and you were still there, now only ranking your position to a camp counselor.

After Chiron gave her simple instructions on respecting the community regulations, she was yours to guide around the camp.

At first, it was awkward because she was reserved and cold to everyone. You were all strangers to her, so why should she trust any of you? However, you assumed that the girl would miss her mother, aware that humans can’t enter the mythical world.

You didn’t blame her, everyone needs time to adjust so you gave her some space. She’ll come around, sooner or later, you were sure of it.

Despite trying to make small talk, the girl remained silent until the cabins were in sight. It was quite rude but you didn’t make a fuss about it, can’t force the girl to talk.

You showed her which cabin she’ll be temporarily staying in, cabin 11 (Hermes).

“But Ares is my father, why can’t I be with my half-siblings?”

Soon enough, you explained to her the whole gist of the cabin selections; her father didn’t claim her yet so she was currently classified as ‘unclaimed’.

Eventually, she came around sooner and you were ecstatic.

She was an explorative and attentive teenager once you got to know her. You were there when she was claimed by her father. It was a heartfelt moment for her.

She was the leader of Cabin 5 (Ares) and as are you with Cabin 7 (Apollo).

You taught her everything you knew, training her in all of the sports the camp had to offer.

From all the sports there, she had a natural spark for spear fighting. Her dad had gifted her an electrified spear and she never stopped wielding the weapon in her hand ever since.

The techniques used during this were fatale yet liable, depending on who wields the sword.

The Ares girl viewed you as the big sister she never had. Both of you had a sisterly connection that other campers couldn’t quite comprehend.

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likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated!

© asvterias, 2023. please do not plagiarize any of my works.

[neiptune]

aot boys x guilty pleasures

a/n: this is me being self indulgent and having a lil fun so forgive the shitposting but also feedback is always appreciated mwah

eren loves the shit out of nature documentaries you'll leave him alone one saturday night and you'll come back to find him sprawled on the couch watching life of mammals or some shit on netflix lmao you'd be on a date and he'd get suddenly excited enough to hit you with random facts like “btw did you know that the average blood pressure of a giraffe is around 300/190?” he'd literally barge in rooms with a “babe omg hummingbirds are like the only birds that can fly backwards” and you'd just be sitting on the toilet with a very unimpressed look but he's cute 12/10 would make a good park ranger or whatever

armin is lowkey obsessed with youtubers like he legitimaly sits down and watches hours on end of unboxing/reaction videos or travel vlogs jfc and it's always the dumb stuff ya know like person x unboxing the same phone in 10 different colors or person y reacting to drake's new single and THAT controversial lyric. it's exhausting really he'd be in bed at 3am still going through chrissy's 27 min travel vlog about some bali vacation gone wrong and don't even get me started on drama and internal feuds or breakups oh my god he has a whole playlist of breaking my silence videos on youtube to keep track of who's said what so he can pick the best side

you've introduced jean to the world of fandoms and fanfiction and at first he was all like nah that's too weird but now he has his own ao3 account and eats the weirdest most hilarious shit up, will also use acquired terms in the wrongest way like you'd be watching bridgerton together and he'd suddenly nod to himself with a OOOO TRIGGER WARNING THEY BOUT TO FUCK lmao he's obsessed tbh his twitter is filled with commentary on random chapters he's screenshot and that I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP titanic gif posted over and over again like no honey you will not we've moved past that 10 years ago

oh god connie is such a chronic playlist creator he'd have one for EVERYTHING and he genuinely spends hours selecting the perfect most appropriate songs and titles for each one, you best believe before you first started dating he's made one for you called “i like you idgaf about your boyfriend” which came with a weird ass mix of sweet stuff like just the way you are by bruno mars and cash shit by megan thee stallion lmaooo he's so random he thinks he's good at it too and you don't have the heart to tell him that “get down dirty bedroom sexy lapdance music” ain't a good title. it's kinda attractive that he's not a music snob tho like he'd be blasting country music classics while cooking, rap mixtapes when he's taking a shower or full on broadway showtunes when driving, he also has a cute voice that cracks on higher notes but it secretly turns you on how deep in the moment he is while screaming to defying gravity in the car

levi gets a weird kick out of serial killer documentaries or real footage of their interviews/trials, also listens to A LOT of true crime podcasts and TAKES NOTES about the most interesting cases to check if he'd be able to solve the unsolved ones and he'd always test you as well? you'd be reading a book in bed and he'd plop next to you with a dead serious look on his face asking shit like “would you help some random guy with a cast on his arm carry his bags?” 🤨 out of the blue like ?????? baby that's kinda weird can you not but it's really just him trying to flex his big big brain thank fuck he's not an actual cop he'd be insufferable (and way less hot)

to absolutely no one's surprise reiner's guilty pleasure has to do with you, the man's all about you (and hockey), you've asked him to take a bath with you once and now not a single motherfucking week goes by without him looking at you big big puppy eyes asking “bath???” most evenings after work. it doesn't even have to lead to anything he's just content basking in warm water and bubbles with you in his lap, he gets to massage shampoo into your scalp if you want to wash your hair and is now a pro at creating the perfect atmosphere with oils and dimmed lights and omg don't even get me started on candles, he's memorized your favorite scents and now also has his own preferences, catch him walking around a yankee candle store at least twice a month, girls working there ask this big scary grumpy guy if he needs help and he'd reply with the softest most polite & specific hi hello yes actually i need to stock up on sparkling cinnamon and snow globe wonderland tyvm

porco 100% checks his naked self out in the mirror lmaooo i know this shouldn't count as something people wouldn't believe he'd do but it's kinda a guilty pleasure i guess??? he finds putting clothes on a lil depressing and knows he's hot. sometimes you'd catch him doing that after showering and the man would be so fucking thirsty for compliments cause what is he supposed to do with muscles and abs and prominent biceps if you won't drool over them a little? he's annoying & also gets soooo whiny if you don't indulge him like :( do you not think your dashing boyfriend is cute :( while flexing, also always tries to convince you to take your clothes off as well for “inspection purposes” to which you simply flick his forehead lol whether you end up pressed against that very mirror 10 minutes later it's between you and him xoxo

[m6lotov]

Colegio de Cervantes de Torreón shooting

January 10th 2020

11 year old José Ángel started a shooting in his school. Injuring and killing classmates and a teachers, he used two guns and an outfit really similar to Eric Harris , but with a crafted Natural selection shirt.

Info about family circle: mother died when he was 6, his grandma (mom side) was murdered, and his father was never present as he got arrested because of drug traffic. So he was in hands of his dad side grandparents

This is the second “massive” school shooting of Mexico

( after monterrey’s colegio americano shooting )

Chronology of events

8:00 am. José Ángel arrived to his school with both guns in his backpack. He said the phrase “hoy es el dia” (today is the day) to his class

8:10 am. He asked to be excused to the restroom with his backpack, with the excuse of him ripping his pants

8:35 am.teacher noticed he was taking a lot of time, so she sent a kid to check on him, when he went to check he saw José Ángel getting out of the restroom so he entered the classroom to tell the teacher.

8:40-41 am. José Ángel went outside the restroom with a new change of clothes and two guns, one minute later (8:41) he proceed to shoot his P.E teacher and 5 kids that were outside (no deaths)

8:42 am. He started to shoot against his English teacher, she was asking him to stop, but she instantly died after.

8:43 am. He committed suicide in the same spot.

The reasons for him to injure people from his school are unclear, he was a good student, had the best grades and no problems with no one.

January 13th 2020

His grandpa “Jose angel” (named the same) was arrested as he was a possible responsable of the shooting bc of his negligence of giving guns to the child. ( there’s rumors that say he already knew what was going to happen, but he didn’t do anything ) Financial account of the grandparents were investigated, they found 100 million pesos ( approx 5,200,700+ USD ) , that didn’t fit with the life style that family used to have, so the guns the grandfather used to posses were possibly not for “hunting”.

Sorry for any errors, English isn’t my first language, but I won’t correct tbh…..

[hwnglx]

another anon's request <𝟑

txt's turn on's and turn off's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

yeonjun

turn on's > popular and well-liked > even-tempered -> doesn't get riled up or offended easily > knows their place and doesn't overstep any lines -> good manners and knows how to behave according to the situation > curious about him -> shows clear interest in him, has all their attention on him > a lot of compliments, flattering, talking about how outstanding and special he is > flirts in a very direct manner (he feels drawn to people who aren't afraid to be honest about their interest with him) > don't hate me for saying this lol but he likes people who are “worse” or less talented than him because it feeds his ego (he can get insecure when someone overtakes him at something he's extremely ambitious about)

turn off's > has an inflated ego without being able to back it up with the necessary skill (they're all talk with no substance behind it) > doesn't know how to control their energy and oversteps boundaries, offends people a lot (especially verbally) > keeps bragging about themselves and triggering his insecurities -> makes themselves look better than him, pushes his buttons and damages his ego > obsessed about controlling him or putting certain rules on him (treating him like he's supposed to subdue) > takes life too seriously, is very uptight or conservative > too cautious and scared of doing things all the time -> doesn't know how to have fun

soobin

turn on's > capable of carrying responsibilities in a graceful and easy manner -> does everything they need to do and doesn't get stressed out easily > commands attention and knows how to make people listen to them > has an exact plan for their life and takes pride in knowing what they want -> doesn't allow external forces or opinions to influence their life path > introspective and reflective about their own actions -> acts with integrity and self-awareness > rigid workaholic, truly enjoys working (he'd feel fueled to put in more effort into his own work and would get inspired and encouraged by their diligence)

turn off's > too cold and detached > too different to him (he needs some sort of alignment in values and something to bond over, otherwise he just finds it awkward and sees it as a bad match) > tbh, he finds it difficult to connect to foreigners and prefers korean people, just because he thinks they'd naturally understand his perspective and values in relationships better > doesn't feel the need to improve and just remains stuck in the same place (he thinks you can always upgrade yourself) > gets afraid of conflict and doesn't know how to assert themselves > too indecisive and has no idea what they want (keeps being influenced by others)

beomgyu

turn on's > independent and content on their own -> doesn't appear to be in need of anyone and just does their own thing without caring about others > soft and sensitive-hearted people (he likes this co-existence of being very hard-working and diligent while being a softie deep inside. also is incredibly emotional himself, so he subconsciously feels drawn to people of similar nature) > very ambitious and active in their pursuit of their goals (but isn't "in your face" about it, like they don't feel the need to show their achievements off to everyone) > carries a lot of inner strength and resilience > doesn't call everyone “friend” but deeply cares & cherishes the ones they do -> selective about who they get close to

(can i just say miss winter fits this man's type like a glove, i kept seeing her in my mind's eye and literally couldn't get her off my mind. he's still obsessed with her lol)

turn off's > doesn't care about anyone and keeps detaching themselves emotionally > doesn't have their priorities straight and keeps juggling between different people (like they have several people they're talking to, don't make things clear for any of them and keep leading everyone on. he wants to feel special!) > keeps neglecting and letting down their loved ones -> struggles with keeping a connection happy and stable > overly concerned and worried about people's perception -> obsessed about always making a good impression on everyone (like someone who takes 20 hours to doll up, keeps wanting to take pics for insta everywhere, things like that. he prefers more natural and laidback people)

taehyun

turn on's > deep thinkers and mysterious > very transformative and challenges you to change -> has a powerful effect on you (someone who makes you rethink certain opinions and lingers in your mind for a while) > has this aura of “perfection” to them -> very put together all the time (he'd feel intrigued and get curious about getting to know them beyond the facade) > turns out to be very sociable and nicer than people think (someone who has an intimidating first impression but is actually very friendly) > knows how to party and have a good time > doesn't get emotionally attached to people much -> is more casual and laid back about their connections

turn off's > too obsessed about their own goals with no consideration for anyone else > extremely stubborn and fixed in their ways -> inable to relax and just allow things to flow > literally a virgo mars (their need to constantly plan everything to a T would drive him crazy) > keeps criticising him and is never satisfied with anything > but also isn't direct or honest with him and avoids confrontation (he can mostly tell when someone pretends to be pleased when they truly aren't) > avoids and is scared of negative emotions and reality -> runs away from things that makes them uncomfortable > keeps being stuck in their gloomy and sad world (he'd think it's annoying and kills the fun for everyone)

huening kai

turn on's > very different to him (looks, personality, cultural background, language, etc.) > an underdog (this is so cute, he feels drawn to people no one seems to root for. like he feels for them and wants to support them even more) > generous people who don't want anything in return > has a joyful and beautiful connection to their family (also sees their close friends as family and puts a lot of value into keeping their connections happy and stable) > has strong opinions and is good at asserting themselves in a direct manner (isn't scared of confrontation and will defend themselves plus their loved ones with no hesitation) > good at arguing and standing their ground (he just thinks it's impressive when a person doesn't get intimidated and always finds the right words to justify themselves) > charming and charismatic -> naturally draws attention to themselves

turn off's > too inexperienced or immature in relationships (he himself can get kinda awkward still so being with someone similar to him just wouldn't work) > keeps sending mixed signals and doesn't communicate or express themselves directly (he feels like he'd go insane trying to figure them out, it'd make him very insecure) > too arrogant and cocky -> puts themselves above everyone > doesn't know how to give in or accept defeat -> too proud to admit they're wrong or messed up > is very indecisive and unsure what they want -> never really forms an opinion and just stays neutral about everything

[nutterzebutters]

Yk now that we got a taste of shadow milks true intensity due to the new CRK trailer today I think it's safe to say that behavior is exactly why pure vanilla had to go through 12 whole trials, or at least a good damn reason. Knowledge governs the principles of being able to do something, and therefore governs the nature of the virtues, similarly truth governs over the nature of the lights the ancients inherited, bc without it you really can't achieve the true form of these lights; to be in tune enough to actually carry the soul jams.

A jam so powerful that it can fold the mind of a cookie literally baked for it in half and then some, a principal so encompassing that it's only natural for it to be the worst offender when something goes wrong, and the brightest light when things go right. I believe you can also use the word "polarity" and slap "extreme" in front of it and it would fit the description of this seemingly clover shaped gem.

Now I haven't checked the ep 9/10 story as of recent, I'm sure it's since changed, but at a very early point in the runtime of this game dark enchantress cared about that jam the most. The rest were like bonus powers, trophies next to the big one. The light of truth in particular was quoted to be the one that would help her mold the world in her image (which I'm sure is one of the reasons she's reviving the beasts, is if she can't get PVs she might as well try for shadow milks while the beasts help her create that perfect cookie business) and I hope they haven't forgotten about that.

Also would like to add voice acting is done with multiple takes, for the purpose of finding the correct tone, empathsis, what have you. It's one of the reasons games like CRK will go back and work on the story of earlier chapters, and in Odyssey clotted cream purposely empasized that against Holly and cacaos jams, pure vanillas didn't seem to share many common properties other than what made it a soul jam like it's kin, and likely still doesn't share properties with cheeses in any real regularity. Freedom can be arguably like truth and it's interesting to see how these lights tend to reflect their previous natures regardless of the purity process. Even going as far as to select cookies that share the same traits, or are prone to the same mistakes as the beasts, the only difference is that these cookies have the tools, the experience to push through while the beasts really didn't.

I don't actually have any predictions, usually I would. Ik that I would like to see some conflict with wind archer that does NOT prevail or save the day and it does seem likely he's either going to fall, no message sent

He's going to fall, but at least the message is on its way to the others

Or he does get out (which wouldn't make for a very fun plot point tbh)

The trailer for those who haven't gotten to it yet

[flowersandbigteeth]

What’s being pregnant with most of your OCs like? Who’s super gentle, attentive, protective, etc?

Also if you feel like answering, who is wanting or reluctant to take pregnancy glamor shots of us?

This is an entirely random selection of characters ｡：ﾟﾟ(´∀｀)･｡ just whatever came to mind

When I read this the first one that came to mind is Vylkas who is chaotic evil : he will murder anyone who looks at you, rubs your belly, makes any lame pregnancy jokes, or doesn't get up so you can sit down on the subway. It is his way. He would be more reluctant to take pictures because nobody gets to see your cute belly but him! If you insist, he would probably secretly murder the photographer afterwards, tbh

Idreod is deeply confused. He has no idea what to do with all of the love bubbling inside of him, which will express itself in extreme protectiveness. He will glare at anyone who looks at you and carry you around because he's convinced your feet might hurt or someone might bump into you, even if they don't. He will also be the one you catch silently staring at you from across the room with tears in his eyes. If you were able, he might actually take you back to your home planet for safety.

Pretty much all of the Orcs will be doting and protective, but mostly doting. You want a certain food? They are out climbing mountains, threatening shopkeepers, and doing whatever else it takes to cure your cravings. They're buying piles of maternity clothes so you feel comfortable and lots of little accessories like slippers, face masks, and headbands.

Hugo will be deeply, deeply turned on. Your tummy filled with his baby melts his brain, sending him lusting after you. Hugo is the pregnancy glamor shot guy ^_^ There will be photoshoots for every stage of pregnancy

Chase will enjoy all of the baby stuff-- painting the nursery, the pregnancy classes, ultrasounds. He will be there on time and ready to participate. He would also like pregnancy photos

Kostas would be so very, very proud of you. His little darling carrying his big baby would just drench his heart in warm fuzzies. He would very carefully research human pregnancy and try to supply all of the necessary equipment. He'd be extremely patient with your moods, as well.

Nasos would be utterly bewildered and confused, as if this wasn't a natural product of having sex. He would probably buy a ton of stuff, only about half of it actually useful and run around in a somewhat panicked state calling Kostas for advice every time something he didn't expect happens.

Severin and Cedar would be the most hands off outwardly, because they are proud of how strong and independent you are. There would be a lot more sneaking behind your back so stuff you need or want "magically appears" when and where you need it. When they get you alone though, everything would switch and they would be very eager to rub lotion on your belly and massage your ankles.

Heath would be extremely encouraging, helping you get your steps in and teach you different yoga exercises and breathing techniques. He would also be the one who brags the most about your pregnancy. At the shop, he would be keeping the little old ladies updated about the progress and how cute you look in all of your maternity clothes. He'd come home with all sorts of gifts and family secrets to help with morning sickness!

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

@gufu-vire is completely 100% to blame for this casual cannibalism (a dude gets his dick eaten like gordon ramsey sampling food but he kinda deserves it tbh), gore, very dark/black "comedy", raphtav i guess, haarlep is there too, devils be devilling

Read on AO3

-

“Suppertime. My favourite time of day.”

Raphael sat looming at the head of the dining table, set with candles and cutlery to the lovely backdrop of a roaring fireplace, a fancy napkin tucked into his collar. In the seat next to him was Tav, equally prepared, nursing a goblet of wine. A huge covered platter manifested in front of them, the kind used to display full carcasses of great birds or whole roasted hogs. Muffled screaming could be heard from inside it. The devil rubbed his hands together and reached out to remove the lid, revealing a naked, bound, and gagged man presented on the plate with fruits and nicely cooked vegetables. The poor man’s bloodshot eyes spun wildly, only widening in horror when he realised where he was and who was in his company. Paralysed from the neck down by magic, all he could do was look around and shriek.

“Hmmm…a lot of supple flesh on this one,” purred the devil, hungrily appraising the meal.

“Looks a bit gamey to me,” commented Tav. Raphael ignored her, carefully selecting a large, sharp, serrated knife made specifically for cutting meat.

“I can’t quite decide what I want to sample first,” he said, lazily dragging the blade’s tip across the man’s body. Tender skin split shallowly wherever it went. “The flank, perhaps? Or the thigh? Ah, or maybe the belly…”

By this point the man had chewed his gag enough to spit it out. “What in the name of the Gods are you doing?! Stop!” He cried. “Please! Just let me go! Please!”

“Now why would I do that?” Raphael drawled, darkly amused. “If I released every pig that squealed before it was stuck, well, then I’d never eat a thing, would I?”

“I’m not a pig, you sick bastard!” Yelled the man. Raphael tilted his head, looking condescendingly down his nose.

“Aren’t you? My sweet little mouse informed me of your, quite frankly, atrocious lack of decorum at the Caress, and that has me suspecting otherwise…”

“I thought she was a whore!” Hollered the man.

“And yet, when she informed you she was not, your unwanted advances continued, violently so in fact. My, what a conundrum you’ve found yourself in…”

“Lady, please,” the man turned his watery eyes to Tav, who had been silently sipping wine and watching this unfold. “You have to tell him. It was just a misunderstanding! I was – I was drunk! Don’t let him hurt me, please!”

Tav plucked a grape from the bunch resting next to the man’s hip and popped it into her mouth.

“Oh, you won’t get any sympathy from my mouse,” laughed Raphael, “she is far less forgiving than I am. She’s the one who brought you here to me, after all.”

“And who the fuck are you then, huh? Her dad?” Snarled the man. Like many animals, when backed into a corner, fear turned to anger and they lashed out. “Or are you just some sanctimonious prick who thinks he’s better than other men because he asks first?”

“Sanctimonious? Oh, no. Far from it.” All humour had dimmed from Raphael’s expression. With eerie stoicism he rolled his shoulders, never breaking eye contact as his human form melted away in a burst of flame and his true, fiendish nature was free. He flexed his wings as wide as they would go. Thrashed his tail. Leered and bared all of his hellish teeth; relished in the base terror the man exuded as he realised just how much trouble he was truly in.

“Nonononono wait, puh-please!” The man blubbered. Fat tears streamed down his pallid cheeks. “We can – we can make a deal! You – you’re a devil, right?”

“Yes, I am a devil,” Raphael rumbled. He leaned forward, closing the distance between his face and the man’s, his irises burning as his dark eyes glittered with sadistic malice and glee. “And here is the deal I’m offering, you contemptuous wretch: I am going to kill you, and I am going to eat you. Not necessarily in that order. What do you think? Are we tempted?”

“Bloody bards…always so dramatic,” Tav muttered. Once again she was kindly ignored.

“Please, I’m begging you,” the man sobbed.

“Quite the sudden change of tune!” Raphael said. “But I’m afraid I’ve already made up my mind. What was it you called me just a moment ago? Ah, yes. A prick. I believe that’s the perfect place to start.”

“Finally,” said Tav, but she was drowned out by the man’s awful, guttural screams as Raphael cut the first slice.

Clinical, with a butcher’s precision, he handled the man’s flaccid cock as one would handle a hefty sausage, lifting it above hairy, shrivelled testicles so he could chop at its base. The jagged edges of the knife sawed through foreskin, muscle, sinew and tubes, vibrant blood gushing from ruined flesh. Most of it soaked into the man’s pubes and flooded over his thighs. Tav handed Raphael a plate – the good china – and he dropped the severed penis onto it, adding a few vegetables for good measure.

“What is all that screaming about?” Haarlep swaggered into the dining hall, pursing his lips at what he saw. “Oh, you’re having idiot for dinner and you didn’t invite me? I’m hurt.”

“Hi, Haarlep,” said Tav.

“Hello, Mousie,” the incubus cooed, blowing her a kiss. Raphael scowled.

“Pull up a seat, if you must, otherwise you can leave.”

Haarlep pulled out a chair and sank himself into it, grinning. “Oh no, I’m definitely staying. I never pass up an opportunity to watch you gobble down cock.”

Raphael sneered as his pets laughed. The man on the table wheezed and gurgled, marinating in his own blood as the stump where his cock used to be kept spurting. He would not die. Not until Raphael allowed it. Not until he’d watched himself be consumed.

“Poor thing,” Haarlep crooned at the bleating meat, his salacious hands wandering over his harnessed body. His very-much attached cock was always a breath away from being hard. “Tell me how it hurts. Tell me how you suffer. You’ll do that for me, won’t you? Say you will.”

“By the Nine Hells, Haarlep! Not at the dinner table!” Barked Raphael, outraged.

“Ugh. Spoilsport,” muttered the demon, but he obeyed.

With delicate manners befitting his stature and standing, Raphael cut a piece from the penis, speared it onto his fork, and slipped it into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, savoured the noisy swallow. The man watched, aghast, because he couldn’t do anything else.

“Mmm…pleasant texture. A little on the stringy side, but the flavour is quite enjoyable.” Raphael took another bite, this time with a dash of carrot and parsley. “Would you like a piece, mouse?”

Tav sighed. “This guy is here because I didn’t want his cock, Raphael.”

“Fair point.”

Haarlep snorted, snatching the bloodied blade and his own plate. Ready to pick the meal apart like a starving man at an all you can eat buffet. “I want those testicles.”

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Natural selection tbh