#Neo/Roman/Alien/Demon

[rwby-confess]

Confession #666

[roxannepolice]

Ur the only bitch in the house respect. Seriously though, I saw TLJ and liked better than Tfa because I appreciated it more because i like a bold fuck up more than a safe rehash. But then I saw it on netflix and I had the thought, 'does lf not want me to care about the resistance/rebels?' because if they didn't then quite frankly that's how you'd do it, all the 'failures' boil down to either wanting to kill the ppl viewed as space nazis to hard or being 'too compassionate' and even after (cont)

them being reduced to what? a a couple dozen? they’re all standing around chill like they just broke for a meeting break around a water cooler. meanwhile the big bad who’s gonna be that for at least im betting a third of the finale is on his knees crying. i know its supposed to be ‘crime never pays’ or whatever, but seriously, they’re down to a single ship, they’re potential allies said ‘lmao no’ and the biggest source of funding just got blown up. they’re gonna win and we know that but the /narrative doesn’t even pretend otherwise/. and i thought, oh god maybe it is as shit as everyone says. but then you gave me hope but I still have one remaining fly in soup so to speak. There’s gonna be a ST after the ST and we all know it. It may be 20 yrs or whatever but it’s coming. So how do you idk rationalize the idea of integrating the shadow of the empire with the need for there to be an enemy for the war of the warry stars? stormtroopers are ~iconique~ and it was always the biggest stumbling block I had to the stormtrooper revolution. Why would any company worth its stock swap out an instantly recognizable and marketable baddie for idk some other cgi alien army or whatever? love to hear ur thoughts and thanks.

Thanks, anon, those are some really great points! 

Yes, I am a bit frustrated with the way the good guys™ of this trilogy are depicted as - as a collective because obviously we felt for Paige Tico - virtually invincible, getting not one but two jedi ex machina to get them out of the problem. Maybe I should mention that while I use the ex machina term quite extensively, I don’t consider it a bad move by default - sometimes a lightning from a clear sky can have its dramatic beauty. What is frustrating is when a situation is clearly not hopeless yet the text insists it is only solvable by supernatural intervention, as, imo is the case with rock lifting Rey. TBH, when the resistance run into the rocks blocking their way, my first thoughts were huh, they can blast their way through, maybe a shot from MF will clear the way, or maybe we’ll get some teamwork scene where all the members will combine their forces to quickly deal with the problem. But no, we got Rey lifting rocks with the force and being amazed at herself lifting rocks and resistance also being amazed by her lifting rocks and Luke crying joyful tears at the thought of her lifting rocks - and in result the only character I actually felt for was the man who was faced with his holy murderous uncle basically praising the girl, to whom he offered a galaxy, for dumping him, as practically everyone else in his life did. This is some very human venom that gets spit in the I’ll destroy her and you and all of it line. 

But still, I insist the screenwriter who also came up with the You’re nothing but not to me line which is still being analyzed 8 months later and also manged to give a beautiful and satisfying end to the journey of one of cinema’s icons, isn’t oblivious of the contrast between those two scenes and bordering on emptiness lightness of the political subplot. Just imagine how much satisfying the rock lifting would have been if we have seen Rey simply fail at anything before this scene - for example, if before taking up the ls to train she wasn’t training with her staff only, exactly, trying to put rocks on top of each other - and failed and then picked up the ls in frustration. Then her “apotheosis” at the end would feel much more earned and it’s really basic rules of storytelling I point out, so it’s not a matter of Rian Johnson being Fellini and Antonioni and also my countryman Roman Polański all rolled into one only a good movie making craftsman that he is to figure this out. Of course, there is much symbolism and subext to this scene but again - the subtext and symbolism in the overall movie point out to an ending more complicated than gratuitous dragon slaying.

Ending the whining and turning to the actual question - what about future installments? Well, first of all it is very possible that next trilogies will be perhaps closer to usual action based movies, maybe not completely dropping the deeper psychoanalitical symbolism but also not operating on it like the Skywalker saga has been and should be so till the end. It very often seems to us that once we finish the psychoanlysis all our problems will disappear but that’s really not the case - it may be that they’re only about to commence. TBH, I was fully prepared for this trilogy to drop the jungian elements, since RotJ could technically be the end of individuation - Luke reconciled his father’s self and shadow, as well as understood his own shadow. So when tfa’s opening crawls informed me the new villains are actually old villains revamped I felt almost disappointed - only to be positively surprised by one of the stormtroopers turning out to be trilogy’s hero. Still, after tfa itself I was inclined to think creators were just too lazy to come up with something new and maybe are giving some commentary on neo-bad things springing up across the globe. But tlj and additional materials made me think that they really have something new to say about the conflict. Ex-imperials were exiled rather than reintegrated or even imprisoned, galactic history kept Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader seperate entities, finally Anakin’s denied shadow was directly complicit in his grandson’s fall - all that reeks of repression and the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Because Leia would, and as it turned out did, find it much harder to deal with her father’s memory than Luke, as it wasn’t he who was held still to watch his whole planet get blown up - and yet it was Leia who passed the Darth Anakin genes on, so obviosuly she would have to deal with her father someday.

Tell your sister you were right, the actual last words Anakin has ever spoken, take on a brand new meaning now, don’t they?

But  perhaps more importantly, as far as storytelling and marketing are concerned - the real question isn’t why should they drop iconic villains only how long can they actually keep up the same villains without them losing all dramatic value? Aside from the movies repeatedly employing storytelling devices to keep us unworried about the heroes, that’s the main reason why the political conflict in this trilogy is so emptily obvious, or at least, as I hope, seems emptily obvious. Now, of course, you never really expect villains to win in kids’ movies but a new villain is always someone that needs to be introduced, recognised, have his methods and motives exposed - and that iteself makes the story more interesting. A new villain is someone heroes need to learn, adjust to and this is what triggers their own inner journeys as well as tells the audience something new. Rebels and empires are basically angels and demons at this point and how may times can you watch white clad blondes with circles vanquish red-and-black clad brunets with horns as you know there’s no way it won’t end this way? Empires are Star Wars equivalents of Daleks and let’s face it it’s the Weeping Angels that scare us now, Daleks we just want to exterminate our sadness.

also dr Who bases on time travel so linear storytelling doesn’t apply

The only type of villain that can stay the same for who knows how many episodes is the mastermind with a secret organisation who always sneaks away - but no massive political-military organisation. And even they finally become their own parodies.

I should add, Solo very positively surprised me in this aspect - actually I would say it’s the Stories that keep me so optimistic about this trilogy, what with Galen Erso, Saw Guerrera and imperial officials from a Forman movie - with their depiction of crime syndicates. Dryden Vos isn’t your usual chaotic neutral criminal that’s still lesser evil than evil empire - it’s he who used up Enfys’s people resources of coaxium, yes, to sell them to the empire, but it was still he who was responsible. This really makes me think Disney-LF has some wider vision of the GFFA - and there are more potential for conflict there than just angels and demons RRR and Hugo Boss uniforms

And to wrap up, don’t forget our beloved turtle like helmets I can’t be the only one who always thought of turlte shells looking at stormtoopers? technically started as the good guys - so it’s possible we’ll keep their iconicness.

[serpentstole]

Let me see if I can remember all of my usuals. As a disclaimer, this is by no means an exhaustive list, nor are some of these individually necessarily a red flag... but they get me Alert, so to speak. Some are a hard no, some are Proceed With Caution. And, of course, it’s just a personal list.

- Atlantis, full stop.

- Lemurian crystals.

- Ancient aliens conspiracy theories.

- Any philosophy or belief system that suggests only certain people are capable of achieving enlightenment by nature, or have proper spiritual souls.

- Anything with a gnostic style Demiurge. If someone is suggesting the “God of the Old Testament” is an evil false god, they are either accidentally or purposefully implying some dubious shit about Judaism.  

- “All religious pantheons are one pantheon of gods with different faces” type schools of thought.

- Star seeds, Indigo children, and the other New Age philosophies that tend to either get dubiously racist or impact the neurodivergent in negative ways.

- “Actually the demons in the Ars Goetia are all old pagan gods--”

- Any take that attributes a Christian or Jewish spirit, angel, demon, or other entity to a different religion. This one is more of a vibes thing? If they’re discussing the spread and evolution of certain religious ideas in an academic sense it’s a lot different from “Lucifer is a Roman god actually” or “Lilith is Babylonian originally” or something similar.

- Anything that puts a bit too much of a focus on esoteric gender essentialism, as this has literally spiraled into me getting someone to admit with very little effort that they don’t think trans people belong in male/female specific rituals or magic spaces. I think having gendered spaces is fair, especially considering how hostile aspects of neo-pagan and occult environments can be for women, but I think how it’s executed speaks volumes and can have a whiff of being the occult version of the bathroom/changing room debate.

- Luciferian or Satanic flavoured groups or grimoires that use Qliphoth, Vodou, or another culturally specific practice removed from the context of that culture and with no indication that the authors or practitioners are properly trained/initiated/etc.

- Same for any non-Jewish groups that viciously defends their use of Kabbalah.

- Burning Times myth regurgitation, stolen holidays talk, and misattributing modern magic religions and practices as being much older than they are tend to drive me off, though this one feels less loaded? Mostly just ignorant and misguided.

- Anything that feels edgy for the sake of it. If an occult group or book is only vampiric magic and sex spells, I tend to briskly jog in the other direction. Maybe a personal taste thing, but these tend to feel very bare bones and like they’re just trying to market to specific people with dubious tastes.

I can feel in my bones that I’m forgetting some, so I might update this later.

I think that ancient mythologies and religions are fascinating, and I love tracking how certain stories and ideas developed over the centuries, but I think I’m quickly reaching the point where if an occultist mentions the Sumerians or Babylonians I do not trust them.

I don’t know how or why those two appeal to much to absolute weirdos, but I’ve seen them mentioned by crypto fascists, ancient alien conspiracy theorists, and the type of person who I think would unironically purchase a Lemurian crystal. My litmus test for bad occult takes used to be “are Atlantian druids mentioned” but I think I need to broaden it.

[recentanimenews]

Discotek Announces Symphogear Season 1 and More for October

  It's another Discotek Day! That means Discotek Media had a new handful of home video announcements to make, with all the latest additions making their way to stores on October 27. 

  Leading the charge is the Blu-ray release of Symphogear Season 1, which will be presented in Japanese with English subs, including clean opening and ending, promos, commercials, and more.

    Synopsis:

With the coming of spring, Hibiki Tachibana and Miku Kohinata start their first year in high school at the prestigious Lydian Music Academy. That their idol, the singer Tsubasa Kazanari, also attends Lydian is just an added bonus. Neither of them know that their lives are about to change forever. Neither of them know that the first, awakening beat is almost upon them. 

  Next up is New Getter Robo on Blu-ray, packing in all 13 episodes in Japanese with English subs and the English dub. 

    Synopsis:

Huge monsters stalk the earth!

  Resembling the ancient legends of Oni, the monsters begin attacking the laboratory where Professor Saotome has been developing the Getter Robo, a robot so powerful it overwhelms ordinary pilots!

  Professor Saotome has to locate three of the most dangerous men on the planet to draft as pilots: Ryoma the fighter, Hayato the bezerker and Benkei the giant!

  Isuca is coming to Blu-ray in Japanese with English subs, including uncensored versions of all 10 TV episodes and the OVA episode.

    Synopsis:

Shinichiro Asano’s parents have left the country, so a guy’s gotta work to make ends meet. One night when he’s walking home after his shift, a woman exposes herself to him in the street, popping not only out of her clothes--but out of her skin, too! Fortunately he’s saved from becoming a demon snack by a mysterious, bow-wielding girl. But that’s not the end to the strange coincidences. At school the next day, he finds a seriously injured girl, and the terrible creature responsible. 

  Before he knows it, Shinichiro is in the fight of his life alongside the girl who saved him. And not only is Sakuya a demon-slaying exorcist, she’s his classmate too! Shinichiro’s biggest concern may have been making rent before, but now he’s entered a whole new world, and he’s got secrets of his own that even he doesn’t know about. 

  You can never have enough Lupin! Discotek's next release is Lupin the 3rd: The Pursuit of Harimao's Treasure on Blu-ray, with the original English dub and the Japanese language track with English subs. Features include translation notes, an essay on Homophobia in '90s Anime, and a vintage credits collection. 

    Synopsis:

THE BANDIT HARIMAO'S TREASURE IS WITHIN REACH!

  The infamous bandit Harimao hid a treasure, and to retrieve it, Lupin and the gang must gather three lost statues. When the Nazi-like group Neo-Himmel make a run for the goods, Lupin reluctantly partners with the aging “double-O” MI-6 agent Sir Archer and his granddaughter Diana to gather the statues first. Can this unorthodox team bond well enough to see this mission through? Will Lupin maybe even punch a Nazi in the process? Find out in The Pursuit of Harimao’s Treasure!

  Finally, we have Osamu Tezuka's Cleopatra on Blu-ray, in Japanese with English subs. In addition to the remastered video, features include a theatrical trailer, art gallery, and commentary with Helen McCarthy. 

    Synopsis:

AN AMAZING, AMOROUS, AND ANCIENT TALE FROM OSAMU TEZUKA, JAPAN’S GOD OF MANGA

  “[An] ambitious, schizophrenic, anachronistic, historical epic.” - Dave Merrill, Let’s Anime

A kooky, erotic, and sublimely strange journey from ancient Alexandria to Rome

  From the far-flung future, to the year 47 B.C.

  In a distant future where the threat of alien invasion looms, a trio of explorers make a startling discovery: the solution to their plight is buried somewhere in the affairs of Cleopatra, the woman who would be Queen of Egypt in Julius Caesar’s time. These stalwart travellers cast their minds back thousands of years, to a time when the Roman Dictator Caesar manages tenuous alliances that stretch from Iberia to Galatia. But Marcus Antonius and Octavian plot to kill Caesar; their secret weapon is Cleopatra, willful and seductive sister of the Pharaoh Ptolemy. The time travelers soon become swept up in intrigue, inhabiting the bodies of a young girl, a strapping gladiator, and a randy leopard. Will they find their answers? Will Caesar navigate the lethal, comically absurd politics of the time, and unite the ancient world under his thumb? Or will the enigmatic, sexy Cleopatra be the one to change the course of history?

  Source: Discotek's Facebook

    -------

Joseph Luster is the Games and Web editor at Otaku USA Magazine. You can read his webcomic, BIG DUMB FIGHTING IDIOTS at subhumanzoids. Follow him on Twitter @Moldilox. 

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[tube-thoughts-blog]

Vol. 12

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

---------- Everything Is Terrible:

*Skittles Commercial 1989: A beach slob is out of luck at a not-so-sexy French beach in an animated skittles ad from France.* 2 stars

*The BAR-B-Q-GURU!: Basic grilling techniques (for example: use a whole bottle of lighter fluid) by a broke ass middle aged black dude.* 1 star

*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Behind the Music: From scarfing pizza to snorting ants with Ozzy. Not really. More like a pathetic attempt by corporate America to exploit dumb kids and dumb parents.* either zero stars or close to 2 1/2 stars (for proof of said b.s.)

*Cowabunga! can do great things: Say something stupid, and feel good.* 2 1/2 stars

*Call Me Fantasy: Unintentionally awkward hardcore-phone-sex commercial.* 3 stars

------------------------

Cartoon Network Summerfest: (2002)

*Longhair and Doubledome - Good Wheel Hunting: Pre-historic odd couple.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Utica Cartoon: A bear gets in over his head in a all you can eat without paying (as long as you can eat them) hot dog bargain.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Yee Haw & Doo Dah - Bronco Breakin Boots: Yosemite Sam-esque cowboy and his talking horse are squatters in Central Park.* 2 stars

--------------

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke Goes Ballooning *Over the rainbow and into the magical land of unicorns (not uniHorns) and Asian sluts.* close to 3 stars

----- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Barbarella

*Drive In Totals: 14 dead bodies - 1 vicious parakeet attack - 1 Roman orgy - 1 portable brainwave detector - Shag carpeted spaceship - 2 crash landings - 1 giant rubber stingray 1 vicious biting sharp toothed doll attack - demonic children - flower eating - sea through man - flying pod attack with fireballs - 1 burning outer space city - Snowball Fu - Green Laser Fu - and finally the Famous Lovemaking Tube

*TNT NFL Sunday Night Football commercial featuring New England Patriots' then quarterback Drew Bledsoe. Seems like ages ago before Tom Brady dominated the sports news media.

*Joe Bob talks about how the two sci blockbusters of 1968 were Barbarella and 2001. He says that critics wanted to call this one "2002: a Space Idiocy." HA!

*Jane Fonda is a terrible actress. Really terrible.

*Hippie / progressive logic is vomit enducing. "Free love" in this movie is made so confusing and non-fun.

*WCW "Rage in the Cage" FallBrawl commercial featuring Jim "The Anvil" (I believe)

*Joe Bob says this movie is like "Dante's Inferno meets Disney on Ice." Ha

*Hey, 90s business professional lady, don't be afraid of new technology. Get a Nokia cell phone with car lighter adapter for only $9.99. Offer good through 9/30/97

*Joe Bob's advice to the hopeless: talk of lesbos with the very sexy Reno the Mail Girl and Joe Bob helps deliver a viewer's baby (not literally, of course).

*Jane Fonda saves the galaxy by being as silly acting as possible and having softcore, no nudity no action, sex with every humanoid alien she meets.

1 star for the movie (It's more up Joel Schumacher's and Tim Burton's campy alley than mine.) between 1 1/2 and 2 stars for the commercials and 3 stars for Joe Bob's hosting

-----------------

The Greatest American Hero: My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys *Poncho and Lefty.* 3 stars

Manimal: Scrimshaw *I am the walrus (literally).* either 1 star or between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

U.S.S. Alabama (Unaired FX network pilot) *Obviously this was gonna be Reno 911 meets Star Trek, and that's exactly what you get. Poking fun at the genre's tropes and adding the humorous element of inter-galactic govt. red tape getting in the way of space adventuring.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars (The hit or miss ad-libbing is probably why this series never got picked up.)

----- TV CARNAGE:

*The Unfriendliest Town In America: "Can you help me out, buddy?" BAM! Knee the person asking you that in the groin.* 3 stars

*Stripping Lessons From The Insecure: You need a book about striptease allure from a lady that doesn't even feel sexy herself.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sad Sex Sillys!: Uncomfortable advice and uncomfortable laughter.* 1 star

*No More Free Blow Chobs: RICK, she's not some kind of oral sex machine. Stop coming into her dorm room and getting completely naked, while she's in the other room getting erotic candles for the two of you, you horny frat boy you.* 2 1/2 stars

*You Call This Relaxing: Neo-Nazis crucifying another Neo-Nazi* 2 stars

----------------------------------------

---Commander USA's Groovie Movies: CHUD

*For those not familiar with Commander USA, he's a tv movie host from the 80s. He looks like The Comedian from The Watchmen (he predates him, I believe) but he's more like a street wise version of Mr. Rogers. He likes to paint his right hand up with a smiley face, using ashes from his cigar butt, call it "Lefty"  and talk to it like a sidekick friend. It's weird and almost painfully unfunny at times, but this is an afternoon, if I'm correct, movie show and not something late night like Joe Bob. Though, Svengoolie uses a lot of cheesy humor on his near-late night monster movie show.*

*Carefree bubble gum commercial. "Now with more flavor than ever." Was it sort of bland before? Were they holding back on the flavor? In the ad, a lot of very active and olympic level folk were blowing bubbles while performing. I can't picture people of the 20 Tens fitness culture even chewing any kind of gum. It's probably not gluten free, anyway.*

*An awesome USA network preview commercial for "Night Flight" "Where would your weekend be without it?" 11 pm eastern 10 pm central. Cool music videos and shorts. Generation X laments for MTV's glory days, well these other cable channels' attempts at MTV style programming were just as good, if not better.*

*Christopher Lee and Joan Collins in "Dark Places" TONIGHT 8pm on USA's Saturday Nightmares I'm tearing up thinking about how good old school cable used to be. Now, they'd probably have a four hour block of a reality show or a forensic detective show or a douchebag movie featuring The Rock, and never in a million years program a horror / mystery movie block followed by late night music videos and animated short films and stand up comedy. You sat in your acid washed jeans and watched this with only your remote, a bowl of popcorn, and a Pepsi. You didn't have an iphone, snapchat, twitter, facebook, netflix, redbox new releases only (barf), hulu, game of thrones, orange is the new black, pandora, real housewives of the kardashians, kanye west butchering bohemian rhapsody. We lived in ye good ole days.*

*One of the "Wet Bandits" from Home Alone is here in the 1980s NYC running a soup kitchen for the homeless. What a difference a decade and meeting Goodfella Joe Pesci makes.*

*Kolchak the Nightstalker would be right at home in this movie's environment. In fact, they have a haggard looking, snooping reporter who's almost a version of him.*

*Commander USA is carving meats for his footlong sandwich right after the scene where the photographer / hero goes down into the underground, with his homeless pal, and checks up on the injured homeless guy's chewed up and festering leg. Ewww. Ha.*

*An 80s nerd is playing bomber pilot in the mirror as he treats his zits with Oxy 10. He's so obnoxious, he deserves leprosy. However, I do miss uncool 80s teenagers who weren't afraid to be uncool.*

*Nabisco Brands logo on a BabyRuth commercial featuring two good looking male and female models in BabyRuth logo letter jackets. One: the Nabisco logo of the 80s gave off some kind of hypnotic feel good illuminatti trance vibe. Must love this corporate brand. Two: Why do they always show chocolate being poured in its melty form? The candy bar is gonna be solid and only melted if it's in your ass pocket and you sit on it or leave it on the dash of your car. Hot, melty chocolate is so damn much better it's like crack was in the 80s. More subliminal, chocolatey, illuminatti shit.*

*A 1-800 number ad featuring feel good American craftsmanship, sportsmanship, patriotism... uh ship and other propaganda for joining the National Rifle Association of America. The 80s were conservative as fuck, motherfucker. Have your VISA or MasterCard ready for your $20 NRA member baseball cap and 10,000 dollars worth of "accidental death" insurance with the NRA. Because you will kill yourself or a loved one or a hunting buddy. It's your 2nd amendment right.*

*Commander USA parodies the scene where the little girl is traumatized after her dad gets jerked out of a phone both by a C.H.U.D. Commander USA uses a blow up doll in his own personal phonebooth to re-enact the scene. Kind of black humor on the part of the old Commander. This was a sort of family friendly afternoon movie show with a basic cable edit of the film, and here they still mix in some bleak humor. Gotta love the 80s. They would not even show this kind movie in the afternoon on basic cable anymore. Sure, SYFY shows monster movies on Saturday afternoons, but they don't show 80s monster movies. They show 2000s crapfests and Asylum mock monster horror shitfests.*

*A yuppie couple is playing their morning game of tennis. The husband is sluggish because he didn't have his Kellog's Branflakes, while the wife is running circles around him. Yes, he didn't have his morning dump, and she did. These ads were effectively satirized in the 90s when Saturday Night Live did their "Colon Blow" cereal commercials.*

*AT&T wants to help 80s, pre internet business communications, small businesses become more successful. Sure, a big corporation really just wanted money like they always would. Truth is they'd like to merge with other super corporations and make the six headed corporate dragon of the apocalypse and suck the souls out of every small business, small business owner, and slug citizen of the global economic slavepit like a high speed slurpee.

*Roger Clemens lip-syncs in a non-redneck voice and gets naked behind a towel (for 80s chicks who wanted to see that. Surprised that he was ever considered a hunk. But whatever) in a "Zestfully Clean" ad. Cheesy, and wouldn't have been my brand of soap in the 80s, but nowhere near as obnoxious and off putting as modern Old Spice soap or Axe body wash.*

*Chef Dom Deluise doesn't wanna say goodbye to his Summer vegetables, as he sings a song to them about saying goodbye, in a Ziploc freezer bag commercial. He really needed to spend less time in the kitchen singing to food. R.I.P. Dom Deluise. He's dead, right?*

*Capn Lou Albano has to be dragged off screen in his 1-800 talk wrestling phone ad. Rejects from The Village People bust into his living room and do this, for some reason. There had to be some moron to call this number and listen to Lou ramble incoherently about Luigi and Jimmy Superfly Snuka.*

*"Dream Away" overnight weight loss tablets. I'm guessing these 1980s biggest losers sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons in their dreams and all those fat cells just  drifted away down into their waterbeds. Every moron in the 80s had a waterbed.*

*In the 80s, it took a magician named "Blackstone" and a series of motivational cassette tapes to get people to stop smoking. No one ever smoked after this and those annoying TRUTH ads featuring dying smoking victims talking out of their neckholes, that you have to hurry and look away as you flip the channel during dinner, never took place. What a wonderful alternate reality we live in.*

*C.H.U.D. and They Live would and probably has made a great double feature. Both have themes of the govt not caring about the people on the bottom level of society.*

*Another reason why this is a great movie is they're taking their sweet time to build up the tension of really getting a good look at the monsters. Sure, we've had glimpses of them. But nothing really lingers on them. It's all quick edits. When they finally show themselves to the people of New York, and the movie viewer, it will be worth the payoff. If this were a SYFY Asylum mock-monster-mock-movie we'd already had seen the shitty CGI croco-cerebus-cheetah in the first five minutes when it devours Caitlyn Jenner.*

*This movie also meets Joe Bob Briggs' rule of any good horror movie which is "Anybody can die at anytime." And they do, there, in the sewers of NYC in C.H.U.D.*

*Get Dianetics at Waldenbooks. The pseudo-psychology pseudo-religion selfhelp zeitgeist of 80s yuppies.*

*One more inspid bit of 80s propaganda by conservative Ronald Reagan America and corporate America: They would have "By Mennen" ads featuring babies and new moms with the 1950s tv mom standing over her shoulder giving her instructions on every "how to" and all the mother know how life advice she'd need. Basically saying, "Don't think for yourself. Make the 80s just like the good ole 50s."*

*"FDS Woman." Yes, ladies of the 80s used a huge aerosol can of feminine deodorant spray to keep their smelly vaginas in check, and that, coupled with their big hair, that needed to also be aerosol sprayed, is the reason that we have a hole in the ozone layer and now everyone has smelly genitals from the swamp crotch caused by a greenhouse gas oven climate that we all endure for most of the year.*

*There's no irony being noticed by anyone, here, that this movie that came out in the 80s and featured a plot about radioactive waste coming back to bite everyone in the ass is being shown on television, in the 80s, sandwiched in between all kinds of products that we have to destroy our bodies with using and our environment in making. Nope, none. Ha.*

*"Go back to sleep America. Your government is in control." -Bill Hicks*

*Nice government citywide coverup of the night of horrors and incident.*

*And a great cameo by John Goodman as a NYC cop in a greasy spoon diner, when the CHUDs show back up for the gotcha horror ending.*

*Commander USA puts on his trench coat and heads out the door after the credits roll.*

*The USA network voice over guy tells us to tune in tomorrow at noon for All American Wrestling featuring the voice talents of Mean Gene Okerlund. Can't get much more 80s than that.*

3 stars for the movie (even being on basic cable and edited) 2 1/2 stars for the Commander and finally either 1 star or close to 3 stars for the cheesy, despicable ads

----------------------------------------

---- Marc Summers' Mystery Magical Tour:

*For some reason Marc Summers is out on a stormy night, on a desolate road, after watching a movie with a group of kids, when his convertible gets a flat tire and he has no spare. One: that's just not responsible adult behavior, but what would you expect from the host of Double Dare. Two: Why is the top down when it's gonna rain? And where is this movie theater out on a winding mountain road right out of a David Lynch movie?

*The Addams Family's John Astin makes a cameo as a disgruntled magician, breaking the 4th wall and airing grievances, before quitting his magician job at a spooky, old dark house in the middle of nowhere.

*Guess who happens to pull in front of the house seeking help. Marc and kids.

*Of course, per requirement for a creepy mansion, no one is there to open the door and it is a case of just letting one's self in.

*It's gonna be Marc's own personal "Hotel California" as a creepy, gloved hand slides Marc's picture into the frame on the Now Appearing Act sign outside the mansion.

*Marc is proving why more game show hosts aren't asked to act. This is a labor of magician love, so he gets to star in his own pet project on Nickelodeon.*

*There's the old googly eyes behind the painting following around Marc and kids. A staple of old dark house horror.*

*Secret passageways and locked doors, spooky setting, ominous David Copperfield esque magician playing an old phonograph record using telepathy, but Are You Afraid of the Dark this ain't.*

*"Connect Four" singing faces commercial from the 1980s. Another awesome board game that caused many a sibling argument.*

*Johnny is the coolest 10 year old. He wears his jean jacket over his shoulders like a matador would wear a cape. Every kid in town has gathered to watch him take on Milton Bradley's Simon electronic guessing slap game.*

*The kids are running around without Marc who got disappeared into a skeleton in a phone booth. Now, the kids are pulling the old 3 Stooges "Knock it off" things happening behind the others backs routine.*

*Now, a maid has shown up to do a Carol Burnett mime routine. Sad and beautiful.*

*Lance Burton starts having a swashbuckling sword duel with the killer ghost character from Wes Craven's Scream.*

*The silky voiced and animated bear from the Golden Crisp commercial. Whatever became of him?*

*A Converse "Conasaur" commercial featuring pre-historic lizards from King Kong's Skull Island and the old black and white Lost World movie. Nice.*

*Tyco Dino-Riders toy commercial. Dinosaurs ruled the earth once again in the late 80s and early 90s and kids back then had awesome toys, cartoons, and movies to show for it.*

close to 2 1/2 stars for Marc, and kids, inside Lance's lunatic magician's mansion. close to 3 stars for the kid friendly retro ads

------------------------------------------

Twitch City: Killed By Cat Food *Art imitating life without merit. Without Hope. So, Curtis finally leaves the apartment  and finds Hope, again.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Clean Butt: Hands free shitting experience that's very dignified.* 2 1/2 stars

*Disney World, One Kid's Opinion: Although the lines are long, it's worth it.* 1 star or 5 Mickeys according to this kid

*Exercise Awareness Week: "The Wu Tang Clan of exercise shows" featuring an 80 year old govt hating bible thumper.* 2 strange stars

*Inline Skating Is Fun: Wear a helmet or have a sweet ponytail to protect your fragile egg shell of a head.* 2 1/2 stars

*Memorial Day 2000: For the land of the free and the home of the show us your fuckin' tits!* either zero stars or close to 3 stars

---------------------------------------

Spicy City: An Eye For An Eye *Cyberspace better than the shark tank. Tragic song and dance in a chat room lounge.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop the series: What Money Can't Buy *A sick kid needs the "Sultan of Detroit Swat," Robocop, to hit a homerun off of a curveball thrown by an organ snatcher.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars (This show is at odds with itself. On one hand you have the clever Robocop style adult satire of society, and on the other it's a dumb, mainstream, early 90s, PG-action tv series with all the cliches and flaws of those kinds of series.)

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Roswell, New Mexico *"All Chinese look alike just like all aliens look alike." -Stanton Friedman, UFO expert.* close to 3 stars

Casey and Friends: Episode 10 "1989" *The setting is late in the 2000s decade. Some hipster-nerd teenagers find their dad's old VHS cam-corder and set out to parody 1980s era, "cool Christian" teens television shows that they still show on Saturday afternoons on the religious channels. Unfortunately, the "too kewl for Sunday school" teens come up short on the satire and humor.* either between zero and 1/2 a star or between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

----------- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: The Beast Within

*Joe Bob is all for mutant-insect sex with humans as long as it produces monster horror flicks.

*Drive In Totals: 16 dead bodies... 1 dead dog... Neck munching... Embalming needle through the chest... Electrocution... Disembowling... Head rolls.. Hand rolls..

*Joe Bob will be with the viewer all night for "all the insect sex info"

*Monster/murder/rape mystery and returning to a hicksploitation town where it happened

*Joe Bob knows about deep, dark southern mysteries involving can opener / electrical chord murders

*Yep, it's a strange one. Effeminite, elderly newspaper man patting out raw hamburger and flirting with the delivery boy who turns rabid and chomps on the raw flesh of the weirdo old man, killing him. Plus, Designing Women's man's man Meschach Taylor is one of the town's deputees. Ha.

*Joe Bob is making toy grasshoppers hump and questioning the strange, sexual tension of the movie. Like the romantic strolls, with a deranged redneck's daughter, by a swamp full of body parts.

*Joe Bob wants to know why adults can't watch innards, 'cause of censors, even after the midnite hour on Turner basic cable. I agree.

*Joe Bob threatens to go on Jerry Springer and air his complaints, because he loves the violence on that show.

*Being embalmed alive has to rank pretty high on the horror movie kill list hall of fame.

*The town drunk has figured out who the killer is, but the sheriff won't listen and tells him that he looks like "The high noon of a coon dog just leaving the swamp."

*The young lead/monster of this movie looks like John C. Reilly playing a teenage Dewey Cox / Lon Chaney Jr. Wolfman

*Joe Bob exclaims how Monstervision is better than Turner Classic movies, because instead of pointing out facts about Liz Taylor getting hickeys from lovers in 1957, he talks about dead Baptist ghosts in spooky Mississippi hospitals where they film horror flicks

*Joe Bob questions the logic of turning into a cicada monster that's never explained in the movie.*

close to 3 stars for the tv edit of the movie and 3 stars for Joe Bob

------------------------------------------------

---- John Candy in "Summer Rental" on AMC (American Movie Classics)

*National Lampoons Vacation comparisons, but Candy is more endearing than Chevy. His movie family, on the other hand, terrible... so far

*Stuck in a moving station wagon with a farting dog, yet this movie still is charming and nowhere near as bad as a 2000s era awful comedy with someone like Martin Lawrence or Adam Sandler taking their families on vacation.

*AMC is airing this Summer themed movie during the Christmas holidays, and showing a commercial for their upcoming Holiday hit movies. Bill Murray's Scrooged is gonna be ran for 24 hours straight. Who started this shit? I love Scrooged, I used to love a Christmas Story, Home Alone 1 & 2, and Christmas Vacation, but I'll be damn if they did not run these movies into the ground. 24 hours straight of the same movie is insane and enough to make fans start hating their favorite movies. They play Home Alone and Christmas Vacation every other day on cable starting around Thanksgiving up until Dec. 27. ENOUGH!

*Hallmark digital Holiday cards featuring the overused Charlie Brown song and more awful insurance ads guilting family's into life insurance. They're raking in the bucks off of sentimental feelings

*Shaq is sitting by a warm fireplace attempting to read a corporate Christmas story (buy our stuff!) to a bunch of multi-cultural tv commercial kids. How, sweet.... humbug

*Renters versus Owners. A Ronald Reagan type rich yuppie gets Haiwaiin shirt wearing John Candy's table at the fancy restaurant, after Candy waited forever in line, and his lobster dinner. Basically, the rich, who can live in the vacation town all year long, against the 40plus hour a week white collar worker who can only rent a condo for a couple of weeks in the nice vacation area.

*Rip Torn is a pirate in a rundown dive bar / Captain D's

*John Candy is one of those take all kinds of crap dads on a vacation from hell.

*J.G. Wentworth sure likes bad opera singing and people yelling out windows

*Run in with the evil Ron Reagan guy while sailing. After beach hiijinks and moving in to a crappy shack on the beach after getting kicked out of their nice condo by the real owners.

*Wife and kids go to a movie during a rainstorm, while Candy is laid up cripple after a sailing accident, and mom forgot her wallet leading to John Laroquette picking up the tickets for them and hitting on mom.

*John Candy's character should just kill himself now.

*Footloose Kevin Bacon poster on the lobby wall and teen daughter is listening to Wham! on her walkman headphones. Barf on both, but 80s nostalgia nonetheless.

*Flinstones gag where Candy gets locked outside, in the rainstorm, by his dog.

*Candy is nursing a hurt leg in a kids plastic pool while his wife is on a speedboat with a douchebag like Laroquette.

*AH, his luck might have changed for the better? The bikini beach bimbo shows up on his sandy lawn... with pity

*Corporate America has no shortage of insipid holiday commercials. They even try to be clever about being aware of this in some of the commercials. Bill Hicks would note that they're going for the "hating the holidays" dollar.

*There's a nude boob scene that Candy gets to be in (not his boobs, thankfully) and I wonder since this is an 80s flick, even though I'm sure PG13, if there were actual boobs shown. Since it was the 80s, and 80s PG13 was edgier, I'm thinking maybe they did show naked boobs. AMC doesn't, however, 'cause it's the Holidays and we still have Pilgrim and Puritan overlords and Santa watches everything.

*The 80s version of Larry the Cable guy has taken over Candy's bed, and taken up with his dog, while watching the Smurfs, during a beach bum party takeover of Candy's vacation house. It happens when Candy is next door checking out the neighbor's brand new boob job.

*Rip Torn and John Candy have a drunken debate. Who's tougher? Jimmy Cagney or Sylvester Stallone

*Ron Reagan voter is signing business papers on the coffin of Candy's condo's former owner. Uh, oh, 'cause Candy has shown up in beach shorts and a white sports coat at the funeral home. Candy's being evicted. Lesson: don't rub the rich the wrong way.

*Crooked rich guy's boat is called "The Incisor."

*As per requirement for all Summer fun movies, there's a challenge thrown down between the good guys of Candy's / Rip Torn's haggard pirate beach bums and the yuppie rich sailor who happens to be Candy's evil landlord. It's a sail off. Winner takes all.

*Candy's clan wins the battle of waves.

*Whatever happened to the Laroquette and Candy's wife subplot? Who cares....

*This movie just isn't as satisfying as Chevy's Summer vacation, though it had some decent moments. Sick of Chevy's Summer vacation, however, and never need to see it again. Ever. Cable has played it so much it feels like the other 9 months of the year and not a vacation at all.

2 1/2 stars for the movie 1 1/2 stars for the ads

-----------------------------------------

Northern Exposure: Sex, Lies, and Ed's Tape *A high concept man with his head on the bar.* close to 3 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Alaska *Where one's pee turns instantly into a popsicle.* close to 3 stars

Cartoon Network Summerfest: (2002)

*Maktar: A group of kids are playing flashlight tag, on the lawn, one Summer night. The light somehow shoots through the cosmos and is received as an act of war by a planet of oddball as well as kaiju controlling aliens.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Test Drive: Some white trash teens find a Transformer type robot in a junkyard and rebuild it. A zero suit Samus chick, from the future, arrives to reclaim it, and they aid her in a smackdown to stop aliens from destroying earth.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

----------------------------

USA UP All Night with Rhonda Shear: Beach Fever & Nightmare Sisters (1992)

Host segments for Beach Fever:

*Ritzy, early 90s UP All Night has just as good an opening video as Saturday Night Live, of the same time period, had.

*Rhonda thinks Beach Fever has feminist vibes because it has bikini babes relaxing and enjoying themselves on the beach while also karate kicking dudes in the neck

*Viewer mail: A guy named Ralph wants to exchange footcream in order to see Rhonda wiggle her toes in cheesecake. Rhonda shows off her comedic chops (which would sound surprisingly good to some, and they are) when she impersonates a New Yawk advice columnist, looking like the receptionist of Ghostbusters, complete in red wig. Reading a letter from a lady whose son is wearing her panties. Ha.

*More viewer mail: Rhonda reads a letter, while stretched out in a red miniskirt on a white bed, from the president of the "foot fetish society of America."

*Rhonda writes her wishlist to Santa while the rockabilly classic "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" plays in the background

*A viewer writes in to tell Rhonda how he and his wife, inspired by Rhonda's succulent cheesecake covered toes, took a chocolate pie to bed. Kinky weirdos, but fun anyway

*More letters rolling in prove the value of old school late night movie hosts. People are not watching for the subpar flicks, they're watching for an entertaining host. If more networks still did this, they'd get more value out of their late night tv library & ads.

*Other viewers write in to USA network wanting them to put that "space mutant" Gilbert Gotfried off of the other late night hosting spot and send him to where he belongs, "SciFi" network, instead. Ha.

Beach Fever:

*Kato Kaelin and not Jackie Chan have beach high jinks against pimps/pushers, muscleheads, and sexual zombies.*

USA UP All Night Late Night Advertisements:

*A yuppie douchebag is tired of being alone at night and having horny air bubble thoughts pop up above his empty head. So, he spends a dollar a minute to call up "Singles Connection Hotline." next thing you know, he's dry humping bimbos on the dancefloor, just like his pal.

*Lonely gals and guys call "Phone Partners" for 99 cents a minute and find friends in the same town or across the country. Social networking difficult back then. More saxophone soothing, but expensive.

*Call the "Mind Maze" for 5 bucks a minute (wow, expensive!) and get X-Files esque phone sex, I guess, with a creepy guy back lit by what I'm guessing is an alien searchlight peeping through your closed blinds. Creepy.

*TeleFriend. For 4.99 a minute, you too can have a female "friend" to talk to.

Host Segments for Nightmare Sisters:

*A viewer is mad that "Macho Man" Randy Savage touched Rhonda, on a previous night's UP All Night, and the viewer crushed his beer can, spilling suds, in a rage. Ha.

"Nightmare Sisters" starring Linnea Quigley (1988):

*Sorority Babes in Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama meets Revenge of the Nerds. This time with succubus and a decapitated genie's head, named Dukey Flyswatter, in a crystal ball.*

3 stars for Rhonda close to 2 1/2 stars the advertisements close to 2 stars for Beach Fever and close to 3 stars for Nightmare Sisters

--------------------------------------

Erwin C. Dietrich's "High Test Girls" (1980) *In a picturesque European village nestled in the mountains, six scandalous Swedish sweeties service a softcore-sex-soaked gas station / grotto. Sex antics with plenty of tongue in cheek humor.* more than 2 1/2 stars

"High Kicks" (1993) *Jean Claude Van Damme meets Tommy Wiseau, without enough awkwardness to warrant a cult following or even viewing. A toothless & bloodless attempt at rape-revenge exploitation. Shot on video at Venice Beach. A mullet hairdo sporting Patrick Swayze type zen martial artist / drifter (private pleasure sailor) helps an aerobics chick learn basic self defense to fend off a haggard gang of goofy stereotypes. One villain sounds/looks like Artie from Howard Stern's Show, another acts all Carlos Mencia, there's even a Fat Albert body double, and the required Asian kung fu gangbanger.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---- Red Letter Media.com presents Best of the Worst:

*Lady Terminator: Skanky Lara Croft has her vagina possessed by a snake goddess and becomes a Lady Terminator. Makes about as much sense as Terminator Genisys.* close to 2 stars

*Lost In Dinosaur World: A kid friendly, and painfully boring, 90s Jurassic Park cash in and half assed attempt at advertising for a theme park full of barely mobile animatronic dinosaurs.* 1/2 a star

*Low Blow: A kung fu Charles Bronson wannabe, who's inept and elderly, versus a could-not-care-any-less cult leader.* 2 stars barely

Red Letter gives a tie for best between Lady T. and Low. B. Lost in Dinosaur World gets melted by a hot iron.

--------------------------------

1201Beyond.com presents Riff You A New One: Raiders of Atlantis *"I downloaded a copy of a mustache." I don't know what that means, but I think it pretty much sums up watching this flick. It's an Italian exploitation mixture of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Miami Vice, A-Team, Road Warrior, Gilligan's Island, and Fulci's Zombie.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without riffing

"Asylum For Shut Ins: Video Psychotherapy" (2004) *A twisted, beatnik(?) ventriloquist dummy screws with the viewer's head for watching clips of screaming scream queens, acts of depravity, and horror gore. Often repetitive and headache inducing.* running from close to 2 stars down to 1 star down to zero

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Goes Noodling In Oklahoma *Savoring "gettin' some!"* 2 1/2 stars

Ripley's Believe It Or Not!: Episode 1 (1985) *Jack Palance pisses up a rope.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Obscurus Lupa presents: Gymkata *The Cold War had everyone olympics caliber athletics crazed. Beating Ivan Drago, having a Miracle on Ice, or scoring high in Tetris meant something. So much that Ronald Reagan's Star Wars nuclear program depended on the C.I.A. getting a gymnast into a Soviet neighbor backwoods inbred country's Ninja Warrior obstacles of death challenge in a Eastern European forest. The winner getting one wish. Ronald Reagan used that wish to launch a laser sky cannon and crumbled the Berlin Wall.* 2 stars for the flick and 2 stars for the fun review

Forever Knight: Dying To Know You *A psychic gets a little too close to the fire trying to fly with a vampire. I miss how 70s, 80s, and 90s action dramas would always end with lite humor, despite having a heavy story to the show. In this episode, a police psychic gets killed in the line of duty, after getting personal with our hero. He broods about it during a thunderstorm, and then the episode ends with the four lead cops having a laugh about protein shakes and tofu burgers on their lunch break. Game of Thrones and others should try this. *wink* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: I Never Promised You A Rose Marvin *This town might be more corrupt than Gotham. There's a bully SWAT team with a tank for a toy. Corrupt politicians try to cover up their crimes using corrupt high ranking police. And kooky doctors think that dangerous mental patients are just misunderstood and shouldn't be behind bars. Lucky for everyone, there are more than a few James Gordon quality cops down at the Hill Street precinct.* 3 stars

Viper: The Face *Suffers from the flaw of many movies and tv shows of the time period. Too much emphasis is placed on the comic relief and it gets in the way of the plot. That being a noble ex-con stuck between a rock and a hard place.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Samurai Cop" (1989) *Set in a bizarre alternate universe where Tommy Wiseau makes Tony Scott style action movies. Three things that no one would have thought would go together so sweetly: buddy action comedy, softcore porn scenes, and Japanese warrior code.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Even More Proof - Swords and Blowguns: Tips on how to have unsafe fun with deadly weapons for sale from the same guy giving the tips.* 1 star

*Hair Again: A picture of someone, with hair, is worth a thousand words, but the same picture, with someone wearing a wig, is pretty much worthless.* 3 stars

*How To Be A Real Man: Banditos get loco for HeyZeus.* 3 stars

*Star Search Audition - Nick Gomez: Carlos Mencia would have gotten zero stars on Star Search.*

*Video Guide to Successful Seduction: "Plan something different." "In public." Do it in public...* 3 stars

----------------

Max Headroom: Lessons *They're censoring Sesame Street.* 2 1/2 stars

1201Beyond.com presents Channel 32 Bloopers (1989) *Hijinks from a local t.v. station in the Midwest. It's always the businessman, who's too inept to be his own commercial spokesman, that steals the show. See also: Punch Drunk Love's "Mattress Man" plus the internet legend "Winnebago Man."*  between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

"Broadcast Babes" ---XXX--- (1985) *So, big haired (also boobed) lady, you wanna be be a glamorous news reporter mindlessly reading teleprompter info about family housefire deaths and funning it up with the weather guy? Well, first, you gotta lay it all out, on the casting couch, with Ron Jeremy's wiener cousin.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Future Schlock Vol. 1 *"It literally takes you to Funky Town." "My dad lives in a downtown hotel." "Girls like guys who get high." A mixtape with just the right amount of attention deficit disorder.* 3 stars

Wizards & Warriors: The Caverns of Chaos *Trust sprouts from bitter roots.* 3 stars

Look Around You: Health *"Between you and me, I wish I had never gotten out of bed this morning." That was before meeting MediBot. A 1950s sci fi style robot & mobile surgeon.* 2 1/2 stars

---- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Soylent Green w/commentary from director Fleischer

*Talk about how this was an early environmental film in a dirty decade, the 1970s.

*New York has a population, here in 2020, of 40 million people. There's mass overcrowding and a huge divide between the the have(s) and those who have not.

*Romero would take this timeless, universal notion and apply it during the Bush Jr. years in Land of the Dead.

*Total dystopia happening here.

*When society is hanging on by a thread, women become property. It always happens.

*Joe Bob loves Chuck Heston in this flick. He thinks he's nasty and tough in a harsh setting. Joe Bob hates cutesy sci fi flicks. The ugliness of this one appeals to Joe Bob as he stands in front of kitschy, skull trailer decorations.

*You know it's a heavy film when Edward G. Robinson is crying over vegetables, because he hasn't seen any since his youth due to crop shortages and world starvation.

*A lot of social barriers have had to come down, due to circumstance, in this movie's world, but still armed men have to loom over like Hendrix's song "Watchtower."

*Joe Bob tells his audience to slow down and accept the slow pace of the film.

*Poetic dinner scene where Robinson gets to introduce Heston's character to a meal that he's never had before.

*Planet of the Apes, Omega Man, this flick... Heston was the king of thought provoking mainstream 70s sci fi

*150 bucks a jar strawberry jam on a spoon, from a suspect's kitchen, retrieved by the cop character of Heston. It's part of the plot and another scary, little aspect of the flick that really needs to be noted. In our real life, the prices of certain foods are always fluctuating depending on some issue. Right now eggs have gone up because of a bird epidemic, last year it was pork for similar reasons. This film is all too real.

*Heston's character is our hero, but, as noted by the director, he's lacking some of the more noble qualities of Robinson's older character who saw more earlier brighter days. This is saying that we're preparing a world for future generations, through our ignorance and arrogance and destructive deeds, where they'll have less and less humanity.

*Joe Bob, in character maybe, is getting bored with the film and thinks it needs a lesbo orgy. Maybe he thinks this will be above the heads of most of the drunk, late night TNT crowd.

*Chuck interrupts a lounge full of sexy ladies, and bums a drink and a smoke from one of them noting, "If I had money, I would smoke 2 or 3 of these everyday." In the seventies that would be a joke for different reasons than it is now. Back then, smokes were cheap, but now, he's right, you would be lucky to afford a pack a day, and soon it will probably be the way it is in this movie.

*Noting that the female character is nothing more than sexy dressing to the scenes and the lives of the men. Like sleak 70s furniture. Kind of like the whores in Game of Thrones.

*Joe Bob points out that Chuck is a feminist because he wanted the female lead to show angst about her situation in life, before taking her to bed. Ha. Touche.

*In this next scene, the governor of New York is taking his family to see the one tree in the state in a hothouse. In current, real news, the mayor of Portland, Oregon, took his family on the parade route of the Rose Parade through downtown Portland after a vicious homeless sweep to get the homeless off the streets so they wouldn't be an ugly reminder during the pretty parade.

*The director is commenting that there is no middle class in this movie. Only the very rich and the very poor. Again, it's where we're heading as a society.

*Joe Bob points out how the police, govt, and the rich would love to use bulldozer garbage trucks to scoop protesters off the street. Wouldn't they!

*One of the first movies to tell the truth of corporations being the new evil of society.

*Another scary dilemma of society in this movie, and possibly where we're heading with governments wanting to take internet freedoms and rights to share dissent away, the small group of humanitarian people are gathered in the one remaining library to read what information that they have left and maybe get down to finding out what the Soylent corporation is truly up to. Modern corporations would love to take our ability away and make us not be able to know what they're up to.

*The euthanization sequence with the sterile setting and the pretty music and pictures. I think it says something about 21st century people and our veal calf lives of pleasure.

*A classic gloom & doom tale about global warming and corporate greed.

*And remember, Chef Boyardee is Soylent Green.

*We end with Joe Bob talking about the next flick, on Monstervision, the Legend of Boggy Creek. And how the director was meticulous about detailing the true accounts of Bigfoot in a Texas/Arkansas swamp. This film was made around the same time as Soylent Green. Again, fast forward to modern day, we have real global issues happening in the world, and corporate channels like AnimalPlanet waste time and viewers' attention on shows like "Finding Bigfoot." History will repeat itself until the apocalypse.

3 stars for Soylent (the movie, not the product) close to 3 stars for the director and actress commentary and more than 2 1/2 stars for Joe Bob

---------------------------------------

TV CARNAGE:

*Keep on rocking forever baby boomers!: Roll on with that broken hip. You have medicare.* 2 1/2 stars

*Gullible as shit: Believe anything a trio of Asian gangbanging greasers have to tell you.* close to 2 stars

*Need my medicine: Benji, the dog, and Chuck Norris on a drug bust.* between 2 and 2 1/2

*Mighty Fine Man: You Pay TOO MUCH!* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Pay day: Don't be nervous, 'cause you're gettin' laid.* 1 1/2 stars

---------------------------

Six Feet Under: The Foot *And a heavy hand. I'm once again starting not to like any of these characters (except for the cop; as a person).* close to 2 1/2 stars (biased rating not reflecting quality)

Spicy City: Sex Drive *A Sin City Marv type butts heads with his cop partner. A real crooked dame.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Milk is sweet, bro: The cream always rises to the top. So, chew your cud, bud.* 3 stars

*Vitamix - Catch the Vision!: It takes 3 seconds to grind meat and dust mite feces.* 3 stars

*Woman versus computer!: You've pushed the wrong button, bitch!* 3 stars

*BUBBLES!: "They're your friends." If you get high a lot and talk to puppets. It helps.* 2 1/2 stars

*It all ends soon!: Feral agony.* 2 1/2 stars

-------------------

"Blue Ice" ---xxx--- (1985) *Nazi exploitation mixed into a noir San Francisco setting. Spliced together with so much grit that one would believe they're back in the 70s at some 42nd St. New York grindhouse theater watching it.* close to 3 stars

---- Memory Hole:

*The power of the Dark Lord: to create zany mishaps at church.* close to 3 stars

*God bless America: that old soft shoe soul of a nation.* 2 1/2 stars

*Real men meow: it's okay to admit it and to be timid about it.* 2 1/2 stars

-----------------

Rescue 911 w/ William Shatner: EZ-Mart Hostages vs. Woman with Rifle *Shoppers, redneck cops, & even the gun wielding psycho lady are all saved by a vigilante, female impersonator.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Bad Movie Beatdown: Just Go With It *An angry British guy takes a very anal (no Adam Sandler potty humor pun intended) look at another awful Adam Sandler effort. Just go with it. Lazy, uninspired filmmaking. Just go with it. Awful, horrible people celebrated. Just go with it. Rampant product placement inside the film. Just go with it. The very opposite of funny in a comedy. Just go with it. Movie studios and ticket purchasers paying for millions of dollars exotic vacation for Adam Sandler and his friends in place of an actual movie. Just go with it. And they go.* zero stars for the movie & 2 1/2 stars for the review

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Horror of Party Beach *"The day the mudskippers fought back."* 3 stars with riffing & running from close to 2 stars to close to 2 1/2 stars without riffing

A Haunting: A Haunting In Florida *Home ownership is hair-raising anxiety. Especially on sacred swampland once belonging to Native Americans.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

--- Beach MTV w/ Antonio Sabato, Jr. & Daisy Fuentes (1995):

*I used to have a teenage crush on Daisy.

*Antonio is wearing overalls and a wife beater. Douchebag attire.

*Before social media, everyone loved giving shout outs, especially from the beach.

*Stupid human tricks... First is a back-hand-spring, which is stupid, according to MTV, even though gymnastics takes a lot of talent, dedication, & training.

*Promo for the 1995 MTV Movie Awards hosted by Courtney Cox & Jon Lovitz (Odd couple there) with guests - A Baldwin (not Alec), Cindy Crawford, still a druggie & not an Iron Man Robert Downey Jr., Ice T & Chris Isaak, still an A-list actor Val Kilmer, and america's sweetheart of the time Alicia Silverstone. Performances by Boyz 2 Men, Blues Traveller, TLC & More...

*MTV is sponsored by Sunkist soda, a soda to drink outside, so they claim. Plus there's Eagle Snacks "What You Feed Your Face." (That sounds like a corporate slogan from the world of Mike Judge's Idiocracy).

*A Gen-X couple are on a jungle safari with Jolly Ranchers juicy candy and end up in a jolly rancher candy controlled temple

*"Drink in the waves! Ay! Drink everyone! huh!" A Sunkist commercial with beach party animals pounding 3 liter soda in the surf and dancing around with cases of Sunkist soda. If it was that popular, why is it so obscure now, and rarely seen on store shelves or on tv ads?

*An awesomely surreal Eagle chips ad where a guy scares off his hot date, because he has a creepy, chip munching face in his kitchen cabinets.

*Nothing says "fun in the sun" like a MTV artsy station logo reminder featuring a skeletal, black bird poking blood out of a still beating x-ray of a heart with white background.

*Next week MTV becomes MJTV as Michael Jackson takes over leading up to the premier of he and Janet's Scream video. Scream sucked, but they're also gonna show Thriller. Young ones don't get how big a deal Thriller was. They only played it on special days. There was no Youtube to go watch it on like any video ever. You could maybe own a VHS copy of it, but if you were just casually interested in seeing it, you had to wait.

*"You think you've heard it all? Listen to this!" Blockbuster is holding a sale for all their cd's for $11.99 or less. Even hot & new band Hootie and the Blowfish

*"What do you want?" "BROWNIES!" Duncan Hines "Hot Stuff" Pot sold separately.

*Visa, it's everywhere you want to be. Including the beautiful Pacific Coast Highway

*Arthouse ad for Nike & supposedly the Boys & Girls Club featuring Penny Hardaway's hoop dreams and struggles.

*A year after Kurt Cobain's suicide. Gen X can't mourn forever. So, here we are in South Beach, Miami. Woooooooooo! No more rainy Seattle

*Couples challenge... where a buff Guido (the type who'd get their own MTV show a decade later) guesses that a timid beach-babe looks up to Madonna (no duh! amirite, my sistaz?!) and they are pronounced "hot" by hooting admirers and get to "hook up."

*99 cent Batman Forever collectible glasses with carved images of Jim Carey's Riddler and other characters from the Summer blockbuster are available at McDonalds

*Bass Bomb 1-3 mix cd's from THUMP Records

*MTV News break... someday MSNBC news lady, Alison Stewart, talks about Eddie Vedder having to cancel a concert. Now she's pimping Hillary instead of Eddie

*Antonio & Daisy name drop how cool Dennis Hopper is for some reason. I agree. Can't imagine modern MTV personalities namedropping a badass actor over 40 much less 50

*It's also strange to look back at the era of MTV video disc jockeys. They've gone the way of the dinosaur. Maybe some other music channels still have them, but they're gone from basic cable music channels (which I still have). If you can call them music channels.

*Now, MTV is reality tv and MTV2 (which was supposed to take over as an all music channel when MTV began running mostly shows)... MTV2 is the Wayans Bros. & Martin Lawrence sitcom marathon station. Why this channel programs like this, and is able to survive, is beyond me

*Odd juxtaposition by MTV creative as we go to break with Ice Cube & Dr. Dre's hit song Natural Born Killers booming over images of beach hotties swimming underwater

*Launch Media interactive CD-Rom ad featuring a rip off of the rambling Aussie roadie from Wayne's World

*McDonald's superhero burger. It's what vigilantes obssessed with their parents' deaths eat while crying in their car after breaking a mugger's arm in three places

*Punk show 95, in Long Beach, featuring Sublime, among others, and a lazer light show. I didn't know punks liked that sort of shit. Thought it was only hippies.

*Six Flags Hurricane Harbor water park. I wonder if guys with fake Jamaican accents ever get tired of promoting the fun of whitebread families in vacation commercials

*Someone must have flipped the channel on this tape, because there's an ad for Dr. Katz. Man, I miss Penn as the voice of Comedy Central.

*TIMM, the interactive multi-media monitor for a computer. It even comes with a remote for dummies. Seems silly, but now there's netflix, hulu, xbox live, Twitch, all these apps we pretty much use on our tv in a similar fashion. TIMM might not have caught on, but the idea eventually would.

*One of the Friends (the one with the monkey) signs up for AT&T long distance savings  and flirts, nervously, with the tele-services lady. Lame.

*John Madden is a wizard ogre who can make jocks' feet catch on fire if they don't use his foot fungus healing potion.

*A male hotbody contest followed by a Bryan Adams music video. MTV, barf inducing.

*MTV News Break talking about the upcoming Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie interview with Diane Sawyer. Strange days, indeed.

 2 1/2 stars for Daisy, 1 1/2 stars for Antonio, 1 star for MTV, zero stars for those beach goers, and close to 3 stars for the goofy commercials

-----------------------

Deadpit.com presents Retro Wrestling Night: WCW Beach Blast 1993               (a review) *Just two Kentucky guys talking about wrestling, while in a bedroom, just in their socks.* 2 stars or zero stars for the zero production values and shaky camcorder recording

Predator in Mortal Kombat X (2015) *Whoda thunk that a monster/alien from an 80s action movie would endure interest for two decades? While lesser creatures from the likes of Independence Day & Battlefield Earth reside in purgatory, this ugly son of a bitch creeps through the collective horror / sci fi fan subconscious. Collecting trophy skulls from popular video game characters, like Johnny Cage, and having horror fan dream-match battles versus Jason Vorhees.* 3 stars

"The Slayer" (1982) -uncut- *Edvard Munch paints a portrait of Freddy Krueger.* 3 stars

TV Carnage: Ouch Television My Brain Hurts *"3 weeks ago I was running for president. Now I'm on t.v. with a guy in a bug suit."* close to 3 stars

Red Letter Media presents Scientist Man Explains Terminator Genisys *Marky Mark escapes the ape planet and his tardis crashlands on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial during President Biff Tanner's 2017 inaugural speech. Meanwhile, in the crowd, Travis Bickle bumps into Morpheus who hands him the remote from Adam Sandler's movie Click. He uses it to pause the actors, on the set of Pineapple Express, in 2007(?),  while they're having an existential high moment. Therefore, Rise of the Planet of the Apes never happens. Or does it? Yet? Or it already has...? maybe in another timeline.* 3 stars

--- Phone Losers:

*Church calls - Fart Demon: It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival.* close to 2 stars

*Disabled Postman: Inconvenienced by the impaired.* 2 1/2 stars

*Church prank calls - sex offenders: I'm required, by law, to tell you that I'll be there, on Sunday, in your house of worship, with my parole officer.* close to 3 stars

*Food Stamp Tacos: "Thank you for not making me any."* 2 1/2 stars

*Google streetview - There goes the neighborhood: concerns of the rich.* 2 stars

--------------------

WWF Summerslam pre-show (1989) *"A one way trip to the sun" featuring Hulkster, Tiny Lister, Macho Man, Scary Sherri, Brutus the Barber, Ravishing Rick, Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Bobby the Brain, and Mean Gene. Okay, Gene looks like he'd be a better barber than Brutus would.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*God's muscle: Have you payed your protection money to the Lord or are you gonna sleep with the fishes?* close to 3 stars

*Join the military!: "I knew it was awesome, but not this awesome!"* 1 star

*Don't trust adults!: Especially the Zucchini Bros. Band.* 2 1/2 stars

*Let's get flairing!: Entertain drunks by juggling.* zero stars

*Bio-magnetic touch healing sensual rubdown: "When in doubt, just touch" the sensitive areas of naked men. "Aloha."* 3 stars

--------------------

"Super Mecha Kucha Happy Fun Monkey Bash DX Part 4" *If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, dip it in wasabi and put it back in skull.* close to 3 stars

"Summer of Tears in American Gladiators" *A sketch comedy group splice themselves into a "classic" & cheesy, reality competition.* 3 stars

"Snog Marry Avoid" season 6 episode 3 *The fashion-nightmare spawn of Boy George meet a fascist, ice-queen robot in a wardrobe.* 2 stars

--- USA Up All Night w/ Rhonda Shear (1992): Summer School Teachers (1974)

*Rhonda is dressed up like a sexy cowgirl at L.A. niteclub Denim & Diamonds

*This is a country/western line dancing bar around the time that "Achy Breaky Heart" (barf) was popular.

*It's nice to see Rhonda twist her hips, though

*Rhonda flirts with some big hunky urban cowboy yuppies

*Rhonda jokingly says that Ross Perot is in Summer School Teachers

*Rhonda recommends football strategy to prevent pregnancy

*Another strong women of the 1970s sex comedy from Corman's New World Pictures.

1 star for the honky tonk 2 1/2 stars for the flick and 3 stars for Rhonda

----------------------

"Summer Beach House" (1980) ---xxx--- *The thing that stands out most in this flick is the dingy yellow color scheme. It's on everything from the walls, furniture, floral bed sheet pattern, lamp shades. Nightmarishly probably still in the never redecorated homes of cat ladies, everywhere, on Dead End St. USA. In the malaise of their nicotine stained reclusive lives, they'd pull back their gown to reveal, to a stranger, a frighteningly wiry figurative pussycat. Also, I wanna comment on old school lady massagers. So white and antiseptic. Like a suppository. Now, dildos are mostly medieval looking & hot pink.* between 1 1/2 & 2 stars

--- Joe Bob's Drive-In (1991): Fred Olen Ray's Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

*Joe Bob pontificates on what it would have been like if Wilfred Brimley & Regis Philbin, among others, had discovered America

*Drive In Totals... 9 dead bodies.. 11 breasts..

*Jerry Lewis wannabe Eddie Deezen is on the menu for fanged vixens. Highlights: dripping with love for kitschy Hollywood. Priest, producer, secretary, and butler steal the show. Deezen sucks. Bauer seduces as usual. Britt Ecklund underused. Some scenes like with the convenience store lady & motel cleaning lady felt more like the joke was our time watching was being wasted instead of the scene being funny, like it was an injoke on the set (don't do that, Fred). Tim Conway Jr., talented somewhat.

2 1/2 stars for Joe Bob (TMC didn't give him enough time to talk) & running from 1 1/2 to between 2 & 2 1/2 stars for the flick

-------------------

--- Phone Losers:

Dead Lawn Hippies: "My free speech is no to your free speech. I'm a loose cannon and into being organic." close to 3 stars

Convenience Store Confessions: Fine line between anarchy and being an asshole for no reason.* close to zero stars

FedEx Box of Ticks: "I know no one in New Mexico and I didn't order a box full of ticks." 2 stars

---------------

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Sante Fe, New Mexico and Colorado *Riding the sky snake while with dry sinuses.* 3 stars

[hannahlwarburton]

Art and Ideas: Romanticism

In this essay, I am going to be surveying a key moment in intellectual history. The subject I will be looking at is Romanticism. It peaked between the years 1800 and 1850. Romanticism is seen as a reaction against the enlightenment period of art and neo-classicism. The Enlightenment happened during the 18th century, and it focused on a scientific, experimental and rational way of depicting myth, religion and tradition through art. Similarly, Neo-classicism also proposes the idea of reason and order in art, it portrayed things in a strict manner which focused on Roman/Greco themes.

Romanticism, as an opposite, is subjective movement that romanticists believed should entice the emotions, particularly fear which sourced the Sublime. The Sublime is the feeling of greatness or an overwhelming sense taking place when you are looking at a piece. To define Romanticism, we look at artist John Piper’s quote from his book ‘British Romantic Artists (1942)’ that claims “Romantic art deals with the particular (special or unusual).” The Romantic artist has an “. . . urge to make (the) particular . . . stand as a symbol for something universal”. This means that the significance or vision being shown in the piece “goes beyond ordinary significance: something that for a moment seems to contain the whole world”.

Due to this, Romanticism is well known for its melancholy wistfulness, an alienation from reality and pessimistic perspective. It is introverted and focuses of the emotions and feeling of the person, an immersion with nature and God and an obsessive relationship with death. Characteristics of a Romantic attitude are: Appreciation for beauty of nature; Emotion over reason; Personality, mood and the potential within these themes; Preoccupation of a ‘hero’ figure. Therefore, the general character of the Romantic Movement focuses on inner passions and struggles, the idea of the artist being their own individual that shows the darker side of the human psyche with tastes for things exotic, diseased and satanic.

Theodore Gericault’s ‘The Raft of Medusa’ (1819), tells the story of a shipwreck off the coast of West Africa. There were only 250 sufficient lifeboats for 400 men and so a raft was made for the remaining 150 people. The raft had very little supplies which were gone after a day. The crew resorted to cannibalism in order to survive. By the time they were rescued by a passing ship, only ten people had survived. The accounts of this story were originally suppressed. Gericault the following year made the painting to huge controversy. The panting itself shows the raft with the survivors. At the bottom right hand corner there crewmen lay either dying or dead on the raft, but sweeping upward and left is a survivor stood high waving a flag, trying to get a passing ships attention. This is an example of the ‘hero’ imagery as well as the fascination with the portrayal of death in Romanticism.

Romanticism is present in political art works of the era. In Jonathan Harris’ book, The New Art History: A critical Introduction pg.75 (2001) he says,  “Gradually in the first half of the nineteenth century . . . ‘romantic’ and ‘classicist’ tendencies represented, in the early part of the century, in the work of Delacroix on the one hand, and Ingres on the other). These, in turn, became associated with political attitudes . . .” Eugene Delacroix’s ‘Liberty Leading the People (1830)’ is a painting that depicts war and death but simultaneously hails the woman at the centre of the painting as the hero, Liberty, waving the French flag for the people of France to charge across the battlefield.

A second example is Jacques – Louis David’s ‘The Death of Marat (1793)’. Marat was a leading French politician. He was murdered by loyalists to the Royal family, who arranged a meeting with him. He had a skin condition in which he would have to bathe in oatmeal several times a day. Whilst hosting Marat at their house, they drew him a bath of oatmeal where the loyalist woman stabbed him to death. The death is shown in this painting as almost Christ like way, the composition similar to images of Christ on the cross. The spaces at the top and bottom of the canvas show where cherubs would usually be placed. The muscular almost fetishized physique of Marat himself, and no sign of his skin condition is painted onto his body, showing him as a tragic ‘hero’ figure. The use of the Christ like composition, however, shows a sign of rejection of religion as Christianity was banned during this time, in France. After the Jacobins seized control of the National Convention in 1793, what came after was known as a ‘Reign of Terror’, where thousands of priests and aristocrats were guillotined including the monarchs, Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. This painting is essentially a piece of propaganda.

This brings us now onto the relationship between Romanticism and God. They are linked through the idea of Pantheism. Pantheism is the belief that God is everything and found in everything. Romantics glorify nature and therefore love this idea. When man and nature comes together they feel it represents the Power of Man. An example of this is seen in Casper David Freidrich’s ‘The Wanderer Above a Sea of Fog (1818) ‘. The figure is seen from behind (Rückenfigur). The painting is composed so that is the man were to be taken out of the painting, it would still be a normal landscape. The attire the man is wearing is unsuitable for climbing which shows off prowess as a hero, as it looks like he has achieve the climb with ease. Here again is the idea of the ‘Sublime’. It moves us in a way more than a ‘beautiful’ painting ever could, it’s exhilarating and powerful through showing the powerful and vast forces of nature. Sublime has a huge influence of Romanticism.

In conclusion, Romanticism is shown to be a key moment in intellectual history as its ideas and imagery are repeated today in music, film and even gaming. The idea of a lone hero handling their inner demons is still very popular (e.g. Batman), and the imagery of this is a typical and go-to screen display for gaming (e.g. Tomb Raider, Final Fantasy). Romanticism is a key moment is intellectual history because it is still relevant over a hundred years after it was first being developed.

[mudaship39]

Alpha Centurion War:

Cities, counties, states, & countries that were built on independent and autonomous human and alien colonies on planets, moons, comets, planetoids, minor planets, & asteroids after the Space Revolutionary War and the Space Civil War:

Alpha City, Beta City, Delta City, Gamma City, Omicron City, & Zeta City.

Shades of Color State: Cardinal City, Auburn City, Harlequin City, Midnight City, Chestnut City, Azure City, Viridian City, Almond City, Cherry City, Obsidian City, Mint City, Indigo City, Pine City, Cinnabar City, Teal City, Crimson City, Harlequin City, Cobalt City, Scarlet City, Cerulean City, Burgundy City, Gold City, Onyx City, Celadon City, Maroon City, Ivory City, Cyan City, Firebrick City, Mahogany City, Silver City, Carmine City, Ochre City, Viridian City, Lime City, Timberwolf City, Sage City, Jet City, Cyan City, Crimson City, Sepia City, Turquoise City, Vermillion City, Rose City, Raspberry City, Chartreuse City, Tawny City, Amber City, Shamrock City, & Charcoal City.

Magical County: Arcane City, Esoteric City, Aether City, Dragon City (birthplace and home base of Dragoon Dragon), Olympus City (home of the Greco Roman demigods and amazonians that is a part of the Greco Roman Mount Olympus where Laurissa Owen Maximiliana Jones trained as a demigod), Ghost City (a city of ghosts, spirits, phantoms, & specters), Angel City (city of angels and archangels), Skull City (city of demons and arch demons), Asgard City (home is Aesir demigods and Valkyries), Crypt City (a city of the undead ghouls and zombies), Magical City, Hidden City, Mystic City, & Lost City (pretty self-explanatory it is like the Bermuda Triangle and the Lost World combined that is part of the cosmic anomaly known as the Breach or the Rift). 

Magical County is home to homo magi, the light fey of fairies, pixies, dryads, draenei, high elves, wood elves, blood elves, & night elves, & dark fey of dark elves, dark dryads, dark satyr, dark pixies, & dark fairies. It has taverns, markets, traveling caravans, inns, dungeons, & manors. 

Magical County is where Lori Jones trained as a homo magi warlock, mage, wizard, sorceress, witch, & alchemist. 

Olympus City is the birthplace and homebase of Carina Akali Ragorio (daughter of Mars and Venus) and Diona Athena Megalos (daughter of Ares and Athena) the divine wives of Alexandria/Alexander. 

Dragon City is the birthplace and home base of Dragoon Dragon or Wraithlike Wyvern (Chun Hei Kim). Chun Hei Kim is a bisexual Buddhist Black American East Asian Korean woman of color with terra cotta skin tone and dreadlocks hairstyle. She is an S rank half dragon fighter is a guild member and an S rank fighter as an adventurer. She as a dragon rider, dragon mage, & a dragon knight can control even dragon kings and queens. She as a dragon slayer can defeat even dragon emperors and dragon empresses. She as a summoner of dragons can summon even dragon gods like Bahamut and Tiamat. She is the living conduit or host of the Dragon Emperor God. As the container of the primordial draconian being she is a SSSS class superhero. 

Hellfire County: makes Gotham City look like Disneyland: Gothic City, Enigma City, Shadow City, Nekron City, Spectre City, and Hellfire City. 

Birthplace of Cobalt Crow (Jonathan Ruslo a bisexual Jewish Romani), Ruby Raven (Jessica Croft), Harlequin Hawk (Peter Garcia Rodriguez a bisexual Latinx person of color), Maddie Kingston, & Firebrick Falcon (Jason Fujioka a bisexual Asian person of color). 

Freedom City, Clock City, Arch City, Day City, Haven City, Liberty City, Border City, Metro City, Fortune City, Night City, Republic City, Cool City, Edge City, Memorial City, Core City, Imperial City, Mega City, Capital City, Helix City, Empire City, Gateway City, Neo City, Apex City, National City, Future City, Science City, Casino City, Hub City, Midway City, Bay City, River City, Central City, Keystone City, Echo City, Global City, International City, Neon City, & Soar City (the original home of the Elites).

Gemstone State: Pearl City, Opal City, Amethyst City, Jade City, Emerald City, Aquamarine City, Sunstone City, Topaz City, Ruby City, Sugulite City, Agate City, Sardonyx City, Tigers Eye City, Malachite City, Onyx Harbor, Sapphire City, & Diamond City. 

Planetary County: Cosmic City, Intergalactic City, Nova City, Solar or Sun City, Lunar or Moon City, Starport City, Stellar Port, Astro City, Orbit City, Stellar City, Celestial City, & Nebula City.

Birthplace and home base of Captain Crimson Courageous (Mason Owen Jones adoptive younger brother of Laurissa Owen Maximiliana Jones), Silver Steel Savior (Dean Lucas Chambers brother of Clarissa Patricia Chambers), Defiant Destroyer (Raquel Mariana Alonzo wife of Laurissa Owen Jones), & Scarlet Sentinel (Clarissa Patricia Chambers wife of Laurissa Jones).

Water County: Home of Atlanteans: Surf City, Coast City, Beach City, Surf Coast City, Whirlpool City, Ocean City, Storm City, Harbor City, Tempest City, & Aqua City. 

Elemental County: home of magic users who can control the elements: Blaze or Cinder City, Earth City, Sand or Desert City, Wood City, Jungle City, Stone or Rock City, Metal City, Magma or Lava City (a tropical island chain with several volcanoes that is home to many Polynesian Indigenous Pasifika mixed Atlantean superheroes), Sky or Cloud City (a literal city in the sky held up by advanced anti-gravity technology), Lightning or Electro City, Water or Hydro City, & Ice or Frost City. 

There is also hidden Dark City home of people who manipulate the shadows and the hidden Light City home of people who manipulate light.

This is the birthplace of Nathaniel “Nate” Nguyen who is the adoptive son of Alexander Kana’i Mack Ryuu Francisco Makoa Smith/Alexandria Ataahua Macy Haruka Francisca Kamalani Smith.

Metal State: Bronze City, Nickel City, Iron City, Cobalt City, Lead City, Bismuth City, Aluminum City, Zinc City, Copper City, Titanium City, Steel City, Tungsten City, Gold City, Mercury City, Silver City, Platinum City, & Hard Light City. 

Rock n Roll City (lots of holographic jukeboxes, drive in holographic 4d theatres, hover muscle cars, & hover motorcycles.

Drift County (where people go to race hoverboards, hover bikes, hover sport bikes, hover motorcycles, hover tuner cars, hover muscle cars, & hover luxury sedans).

Speed or Velocity County: home base and birthplace of speedsters Hector Vega and Keisuke Tanaka. 

Retro County: Arcanepunk City, Atompunk City, Biopunk City, Cyberpunk City, Retro City, Cyberprep City, Dieselpunk City, Elf Punk City, Formica Punk City, Mythpunk City, Nanopunk City, Raypunk City, Steelpunk City, Noir City, & Steampunk City. 

Cyberpunk City is the official homebase of superhero the Crimson Cyborg or Blue Bionic (Amelia Himmat Mishra as a disabled mixed Hindu South Asian Indian Black British woman of color with bionic and cybernetic prosthetics with cyberware enhancements) and her wife Scarlet Soldier (Maysa Nabila Uzun a mixed Muslim Black African Egyptian, Middle Eastern Iranian, & Middle Eastern Egyptian woman of color).

Places that exist throughout these towns, cities, counties, & states on colonized and human terraformed planets, moons, comets, asteroids, & planetoids:

Evergreen Apartments, Phoenix Airport, Marine Aquarium, Globe Holding Financial Bank, Glazed and Glorious Bakery, For Goodness Cakes, Mystery Shore Beach House, Mystery Shore Beach Resort, Another Page Bookstore, Moment of Peace Cafe, Extravaganza Carnival, Ace of Spades Casino, Club Aurora, Big Top Circus, Colony Ship, Sunny Coast Community College, Diamond Elementary School, Euphoria Concert Venue, Gas Station, General Store, Oak Ridge High School, Tranquility Grove Hospital, Coastline Hotel, Silver Island Inn, Riverview Institute, Nova Ivy League University, Marble Hills Jr High, Crystal Plaza Mall, Peach Blossom Memorial, Patriot Military Academy, Valor Military Base, Lunar Moon Base, Sunny Jewel Motel, Spectacle Movie Theatre, Hall of Wardens Superhero Museum, Club Obelisk Nightclub, Nova Observatory, Passion Outlet, Echo Outpost, Meadow Park, Research Facility, Restaurant, Imperial Theatre, Fun Adventure Themepark, Millennium Four Year University, Crux Warehouse, & Zoological Paradise Zoo 

Countries that exists on human and alien worlds: 

Esharia, Ethania, Gafleau, Gruania, Muprax, Ofrana, Oskaijan, Oswa, Pegra, Shayden, Spuvania, Straya, & Uchela.

Planets: 

Colonized and terraformed independent and autonomous moons, planetoids, asteroids, & planets with alien and human colonies across the Alpha, Beta, Delta, Gamma, Mobius, Omega, Omnicron, Polaris, Regulus, Sol, Vega, & Zeta Star systems: 

Amaterasu, Chiron, Hina, Hou Yi, Kane, Artio, Ku, Izanami, Thoth, Laka, Fujin, Pele, Tlaloc, Brynhildr, Haikili, Raijin, Kuula, Horus, Lono, Susano, Namaka, Ullr, Inari, Phobos, Ikatere, Ursula, Mercury, Ra, Mary, Izanagi, Venus, Rohe, Juno, Ryujin, Bellona, Osiris, Loki, Set, Mars, Suijin, Krishna, Anubis, Freya, Calypso, Neith, Psyche, Earth or Terra, Bastet, Farbauti, Rhea, Laufey, Pan, Thrymr, Atlas, Ymir, Hyperion, Nix, Sigyn, Demeter, Vesta, Europa, Io, Omnicron, Pallas, Nemesis, Hercules, Fortuna, Fenrir, Chantico, Styx, Gaea, Skadi, Apollo, Eros, Thor, Achilles, Luna or the Moon, Sif, Artemis, Fafnir, Saturn, Victoria, Perseus, Hydra, Pandora, Vishnu, Sol, Vesta, Theseus, Cupid, New Terra, Loki, Minerva, Persephone, Nike, Juno, Tyr, Isis, Vulcan, Amphitrite, Vali, Titan, Odin, Ceres, Helios, Baldr, Titania, Ariel,  Uranus, Frigga, Prometheus, Jupiter, Oceanus, & Pluto. 

Birthplace of Kulax Kojir, Ohoi Nessars, Loran, Hleor, Breapru, & Iesloria who are the alien extraterrestrial wives of Alex Smith/Lexi Smith.

The outskirts of the Sol System is the current home of the Elites (imagine a superhero team like the Teen Titans, Young Avengers, Legion of Superheroes, & Young Justice combined with enough metahuman and superhuman members to defend the planet Earth).

Star Systems: 

Alpha Star System, Banana Star System, Beta Star System, Delta Star System, Eagle Star System, Gamma Star System, Heart Star System, Mobius Star System, Octopus Star System, Omega Star System, Omnicron Star System, Polaris System, Regulus System, Sol System, Vega System, & Zeta System. 

The outskirts of the Polaris, Vega, & Sol System is the current home of the Paragons (imagine a superhero team like the Justice League, Avengers, Doom Patrol, X-Men, & Justice Society of Superheroes combined with enough metahuman and superhuman members to defend the Sol System, Vega System, & Polaris System). 

Galaxies: 

Andromeda Galaxy, Arrowhead Galaxy, Backward Galaxy, Black Eye Galaxy, Cartwheel Galaxy, Cigar Galaxy, Comet Galaxy, Dragon Galaxy, Fireworks Galaxy, Helix Galaxy (formerly known as the Helix Nebula), Hyperion Galaxy (formerly known as the Hyperion Nebula that is the home of the Yuganians), Iris Galaxy, Leaf Galaxy, Milky Way Galaxy, Needle Galaxy, Pinwheel Galaxy, Prometheus Galaxy, Romulus Galaxy (formerly known as the Romulus Nebula that is the home of the Precursors), Sculptor Galaxy, Sombrero Galaxy, Sunflower Galaxy, Tadpole Galaxy, Turtleshell Galaxy, Whirlpool Galaxy, Xeno Galaxy, & Zephyr Galaxy (formerly known as the Zephyr Nebula that is the home of the Iuyamanians). 

Several of the nebulas turned into galaxies in the near future and far future since this comic book or graphic novel series takes place from the 22nd century to the 60th century. 

The Milky Way Galaxy, Xeno Galaxy, & Andromeda Galaxy are the current home of the Sentinels (imagine  a black ops spec superhero team like the Suicide Squad, DEO, Overwatch, Checkmate, Shield, Argus, Blackwatch, Team 7, Section 31, Outsiders, Sword, ONI, & Agency combined with enough metahuman and superhuman members to defend the Andromeda Galaxy, Xeno Galaxy, & Milky Way Galaxy). 

Wave Nebula, Hourglass Nebula, Orion Nebula, Lagoon Nebula, Eagle Nebula, Vortex Nebula, Heart Nebula, Oyster Nebula, Owl Nebula, Crab Nebula, Omega Nebula, Veil Nebula, & Ring Nebula.

The Home of the Forces of Evil, their leaders, their generals, their allies, & their reinforcements.

 

Intergalactic Speedway (where people go to race spaceships).

The Pylon and the Gateway is a hub of collection many inter dimensional portals that lets its users fast travel and teleport to locations throughout the universe, multiverse, & omniverse. These places are each unlocked with celestial and stellar talismans in the form of many objects that are hidden throughout the planets, star systems, & galaxies.

Places throughout the universe, multiverse, & omniverse that are reachable through the cross dimensional portal that is known as the Pylon or the Gateway:

Aehinara (fantasy realm), Agartha (legendary city at Terra’s core), Alexandria, Alfheim (home of the light fae federation ruled by the high elves), Annwn (other world of Welsh myth), The Arena (where A class to SSSS rank warriors fight), Arcadia (fantasy realm), the Ark (?), Ascalon (fantasy empire), Asgard (home of the Aesir), Atlantis (Nine Kingdoms of the Empire of Atlantis), The Auction House (where you can bid on everything in the planets, star systems, & galaxies), Aurora (not yet unlocked), Avalon (final resting place of King Arthur Pendragon and Morgana Le Fay Pendragon), Axis Mundi (link between heaven and earth), Babylon, The Bunker, Camelot (kingdom of King Arthur), The Citadel (home of knights and paladins of the knight order), The Conclave (home of the templars of the Templar order), The Crypt or the Tomb (intergalactic graveyard, mausoleum, & catacomb of millions of those who died in the Alpha Centurion War fighting the Forces of Evil), The Crucible (where F class to A class to S rank warriors train), Dark Dimensions (realms of many different types of dungeons that adventurers and guild members venture into), The Dark World (?), Diyu, The Dungeon (an intergalactic max security prison), New Eden (not yet unlocked), The Emporium (marketplace or bazaar for everything you can sell or buy in the universe, multiverse, & omniverse), Elemental County, El Dorado, Elysian Fields, Elysium, The Elven Kingdom Hidden in the Giant Tree, Eva (a magical super weapon in the Homo magi empire), Excalibur, Exodus, The Fade (realm of zombies and the ghouls), the Forbidden Realms (not yet unlocked), The Forge (a place you can upgrade armor, weapons, & shields), The Foundry (?), The Frontier (?), The Gate (?), Genesis (not yet unlocked), Gideon (?), Gaea (?), Harmony (not yet unlocked), Haven (not yet unlocked), Harvest, Helheim, Hellgate, Hidden Empire (not yet unlocked), Horizon (not yet unlocked), Icarus (?), The Institute (home of scribes and scholars), Jericho (?), Jotunheim (home of the Indigenous Jotunn), Kunlun Mountain, Labyrinth (not yet unlocked), Lazarus, Libertalia, The Lux (?), The Keep (home of the inquisitors of the Inquisition), Magical County, Midgard, Mount Olympus, Mobius (an electromagnetic mass accelerator cannon super weapon on Titan), The Monument (monument and memorial to Alexander Mack Smith/Alexandria Macy Smith), Muspelheim (home of the Horde of high orcs, high trolls, orcs, trolls, imps, hobgoblins, & goblins), Niflheim, Nidavellir (home of the dwarves and the gnomes), Nirvana, Nysa, The Necropolis (not yet unlocked), Oasis (not yet unlocked), Oblivion (not yet unlocked), Odyssey, Ouroborus (mobile positron superweapon in space in the Milky Way Galaxy located on a world ship), Pandemonium (not yet unlocked), The Pit (?), Providence (not yet unlocked), The Quarry (?), Ruins of the Ancients (not yet unlocked), Sanctuary (not yet unlocked), The Sanctum (home of mages, wizards, sorcerers, warlocks, alchemists, & witches led by the Council of Mages), The Shade (?), Shadowlands (home of the Shadow Empire controlled by the Shadow Court and the Shadow Monarchy), Shadow Fall (not yet unlocked), The Shadow World (home of the Shadowlands), Shangri-La, Shambala, The Shrine (alter to the Celestial and Stellar entity and Divine and Heavenly being), The Spire (home of sages and druids), Star Crusher (a superweapon in the Polaris Star System), Svartalfheim (home of the dark fae empire ruled by the dark elves), Tartarus, Themyscira (capital of the Amazons), The Tower (?), Underworld, Utgard (home of the Indigenous Jotunn Goliaths), Vanaheim (home of the Vanir), the Vault (a treasure trove of ancient relics, credits, gold, cash, treasure, precious gemstones, & artifacts), The Vale (realm of spirits and demons), Valhalla, The Workshop (not yet unlocked), Xibalba, Yggdrasil (The World Tree), & Zenith (not yet unlocked).

The Shadowlands is home to the Shadow Empire. The Shadow Empire is controlled by the Shadow Court and the Shadow Monarchy. The Shadow Court are behind the Shadow Games and the Shadow War and their actions are controlled by the Shadow Monarchy. The Shadow Monarchy of the Shadow Emperor and the Shadow Empress is an ancient enemy that two spirit Indigenous Jotunn Loki discovers in the prequel high fantasy comic book or graphic novel series Shadow War: the Battle of the Ten Realms of Yggdrasil. They are also the enemy that the heroes Chun Hei Kim, Zhou Chen, Elsa Johansson, & Laurissa Owen Jones led by High King Lysander Norwood fight in the prequel high fantasy comic book or graphic novel series called Warring Kingdoms: The Battle of the Twenty-Five Houses: The Federation of Aehinara. The Shadow War is a comic book and graphic novel series that takes place in the ancient past. It details Loki’s journey from outcast to Paramount Chieftain and Paramount Warchief of the Jotunn Confederacy of Indigenous Jotunn Northern, Western, Central, Eastern, & Southern tribes and clans of Jotunheim and Utgard and that details Loki’s journey from godling to Aesir god/goddess of fire, lava, & magma and Jotnar god/goddess of water, snow, ice, & frost. 

The Dark Dimensions is a realm of many dungeons from F rank dungeons to S class dungeons that F rank to A rank to S class adventurers go into either alone if their level is high enough or as a group. The higher the rank a dungeon is means the more formidable the enemies inside the dungeons are. The higher rank a dungeon is also means the more dangerous the boss monster inside it are but the rewards and loot are higher as compensation such as credits, coins, cash, armor, weapons, shields, & rare items. 

Ouroborus: A mobile superweapon in space in the Milky Way Galaxy located on a world ship powered by element zero, chronotron, kryptonite, dark metal, inertron, & element x that fires colossal nth metal, adamantium, timonium, & vibranium rounds

Eva: A magical superweapon in the Homo magi empire that is powered by aether, divine magic, nether, arcane magic, celestial magic, heavenly magic, stellar magic, & esoteric magic that fires titanic divine iron, adamantine, heavenly bronze, uru, stellar steel, mithril, etherium, celestial titanium, orichalcum, & adamantite shells

Other places throughout the planets, star systems, & galaxies: 

Abandoned Castle, Abandoned Mine, Abandoned Ruins, Maple Ridge Academy, Academy Ruins, Aegis, Air Temple, Ancient Kingdom, Ancient Shrine, Ancient Tomb, Angel Island, Arcane Library, Arcane Ruins, Ashford Plains, Azure Coasts, Badlands, Sweetooth Bakery, Lusty Siren Bar, Cobalt Bay, Hot Rod Blacksmith, Abysmal Bog, Pink Pearl Brothel, Camp Melancholy, Camp Stardust Campsite, Twilight Cathedral, Pinegrove Cemetery, Charred Lands, Confederacy of Goblins and Hobgoblins, Confederacy of Orcs, Confederacy of Trolls, Confederacy of Werewolves, Crystal Caverns, Cursed Cave, Cursed Tomb, Dark Cave, Desert Pyramid, Crimson Desert, Desert Ruins, Deserted Village, Devil’s Den, Dragon Temple, Druid’s Circle, Burning Dunes, Dwarven Ruins, Dwarven Mines, Earth Temple, Elven Camp, Elven Ruins, Enchanted Forest, Blackstone Estate, Excavation Site, Firebranch Hollow Farm, Farming Village, Fire Temple, Floating Islands, Floating Kingdom, Floating Ruins, Founder’s Square, Forest Hideout, Lyon Fort, Comstock Fortress, Forgotten Ruins, Forgotten Temple, Goblin Caverns, Vanguard Guild, Pelican Harbor, Haunted Castle, Haunted Cemetery, Haunted Shipwreck, Hidden Isle, Hidden Ruins, Hidden Dungeon, Evergreen Hill, Homo Magi Empire, Icy Tundra, Imp Caves, Iron Marches, Emerald Island, Twilight Island, Island Caves, Jade Valley, Kingdom of the Centaurs, Kingdom of Dwarves, Kingdom of Elves, Kingdom of Dragons, Kingdom of the Harpies, Kingdom of the Mermaids and Sirens, Kingdom of the Vampires, Crown Library, Lost Cave, Lost Island, Lost Jungle, Lunar Cave, Magical Island, Castle Hill Manor, Capital Marketplace, Merchant Town, Mining Town, Mist Cave, Misty Jungle, Moon Temple, Moon Ruins, Mystic Ruins, Nameless City, Overlook, Silver Creek Shark Port, Port Town, Prehistoric Village, Blackfort Prison, Royal Palace, Lying Drumstick Saloon, Sanctuary Ruins, Shinobi Ninja Compound, Otter Shipyard (port for airships in a steampunk world), Sky Temple, Snowy Mountains, Sunken Ship, Sun Temple, Misty Swamplands, Renegade Rouge Tavern, Temple of Altruism, Temple of Hope, Temple of Kindness, Temple of Justice, Temple of Loyalty, Temple of Love, Temple of Mercy, Temple of Nobility, Temple of Valor, Tomb of Kings, Tower of Mysteries, Tower of Secrets, Unexplored Dungeon, Underground Grove, Underground Prison, Underground Cave Ruins, Underground Tunnel, Underwater Ruins, Underwater City, Vampire Coven, Water Temple, Watchtower, Whirlpool Islands, & the Wildlands. 

Extra dimensional realms:

The Abyss or The Void (a dark, shadowy, & cold manifestation of space and time that is separate from the corporeal universe, multiverse, & omniverse that is home to primordial beings), The Rift or The Breach (a mysterious giant metaphysical tear in the universe, multiverse, & omniverse that is expanding), The Barrier Plane (end of the universe and the beginning of the multiverse and omniverse), The Archives or Database (contains all knowledge and information on everything in the universe, multiverse, & omniverse), Eldritch plane, Heaven, Hell, The Ruptures or the Fractures (small tears of The Rift or The Breach that are seeping into the planets, star systems, & galaxies that are being caused by the Shadow Court, Shadow Government, Shadow Empire, & Shadow Monarchy with their super weapon in their war with their enemy the Forces of Evil), Shadow Plane, The Expanse or the Reach (expanding of the universe, multiverse, & omniverse), The Core or The Nexus (center of the universe), Astral Plane, The Gateway or The Pylon (cross dimensional gateways to other dimensions, realities, timelines, universes, multiverses, & omniverses created by the primordial being Lord Nex).