#Not genuinely evil i am being dramatic etc. But sad to me

[misspickman]

Actually so evil of bg3 to have the emperor be referred to with it/its pronouns only to do the big reveal and make it a him again

[sowthetide]

Thank you for replying! This is the List anon from earlier.

1) I am still rotating Quenlyn in my head. Lately, I have been imagining her dropped into one of those panfandom games on Dreamwidth, because Quen learning her 'canonical' fate would be tragic and dramatic. Not too mention the reactions of the canon characters.

I suspect that discovering that the basically entire North would condone her torture and enslavement would make Quen want to take Asha up on her offer of escape. And even if she trusts her Robb, learning that he would be capable of allowing it would be extremely disturbing.

2) Killing Euron would be a fun bonding activity for the Stark-Greyjoy-Harlaws. Just putting that out there.

Alannys and Aeron's scene was so sad already, but then I realized that she doesn't know what happened to her sort-of son. And so it was even worse!

Thanks again!

Hello again! It's always lovely to hear from y'all ❤️ I am always turning Quen around in my mind like a rotisserie chicken. We are kin in that.

#1 It's so good to know I'm not crazy, cause I'm also always putting Quen in Scenarios, including incredibly meta scenarios with her ironborn ancestors/future descendants, or just thinking about what Theon+Quen would make of each other. (I've also very seriously considered where Quen/Theon would fall in terms of the "Would You Fuck Your Clone?" question. No comment.)

Quen learning about her canonical fate would be straight-up diabolical, especially Robb's ambivalence about it. To be fair to Robb, Theon did betray him personally and "murder" his brothers, so he's totally allowed to want Theon dead as hell. That said, Robb does not seem particularly bothered about Theon being tortured during his captivity, as evidenced by the piece of skin that Roose gives Catelyn. While Robb begins the series as sensitive, hot-headed, stressed, grieving, etc., duty is always the death of love. Kingship corrupts, and it ate away at Robb the boy until there was nothing left. Robb the boy fears for and misses his sisters, but King Robb cannot trade Jaime for Sansa. Kingship as a burden, a condemnation, always hits for me ngl.

I also recently responded to some meta about Theon & Robb on my other (generally pretty unserious) blog, specifically about the Wildling Incident and the power dynamic between them. This gets addressed in Sow the Tide, but it's something that Robb himself has to grapple with, something that he has to face/fully acknowledge/do the work on. Quen is Very Much Aware of the difference in power between them, but Robb slowly comes to understand it too, in a way that canonical ACOK Robb never did.

#2 It would, wouldn't it? 👀 I won't lie, Euron is probably one of my favorite characters in asoiaf, just because he's just so fucked. Sinister and bizarre (and honestly pretty funny), and of course deeply, deeply evil. I thought it would be hilarious if he genuinely, completely flopped at the kingsmoot. In Sow the Tide, he isn't even the one to kick off the insane bloodbath! For all that Euron stokes chaos/sows discord on the Iron Islands, it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't have as tight a leash on the ironborn as he thought. He very much sees the ironborn as a means to an end/beneath him, and he doesn't concern himself with any of their history or petty grievances (which comes back to bite him, specifically the murder of Sawane Botley). Euron's not a god (not yet at least lol. Fingers crossed for TWOW!), and the ironborn have got their own shit going on.

It's kinda sad that Alannys and Aeron don't seem to have much of a relationship at all in canon, as I think they have a lot of potential! I went with the lower estimate for Aeron's age (making him around 30), so he would be born around the same time as Rodrik Greyjoy. In the canon that exists in my head (co-developed with goddcoward), Alannys' mother (Gillayne Farwynd) died/disappeared mysteriously sometime before Alannys married Balon, so Balon's mother, Quellon's unnamed Sunderly wife, was something of a mother figure to her.

I believe it was goddcoward who came up with the name "Ygraine", but we had a great time coming up with ironborn names together (with some invaluable input from Ashen_Onion!). Based on the few canonical female ironborn names we're given (chiefly, Alannys, Gwynesse, Gysella, and Helya), the letter "Y" is commonly used, so I kinda just went from there. So we've got Ygraine, Ysolde, Ynys, etc. (I've also got an 'Yngrid' hidden somewhere in the extended Iron Islands family trees I've been working on). Plus a lot of the other female ironborn names I (partially) made up use a "Y": Marys, Brinfryd, Edythe, Alyce. It mirrors the preponderance of "Q" male names among the ironborn: Quellon, Qhored, Qhorin, Qhorwyn, Qarl, Qarlon, etc.

You can tell I've thought about some of this stuff way too much. Like, I noticed that "Pinchface" Jon Myre had an unusually plain, non-ironborn-ish name (Jon), so I made up the bit about him and Jessamyn Myre (one of my random ironborn lady OCs) both having riverland mothers. I also wonder if thralls give their freeborn (grand)children more traditionally "ironborn" names so they're better able to mesh with/rise in ironborn society (for instance, Qarl the Maid). But I'm already rambling, so I'll stop there lol.

Anyway, thank you for dropping by! I always love asks ❤️

[hoppipolla]

↳ 8 Shows To Get To Know Me

Thank you @jyuubin for tagging me <3

I don't know if the shows I'm about to talk about will make you learn things about me but they're pretty much my favourites so i'm happy to talk about them ^^

18 Again

This drama was thought-provoking and beautiful in such an authentic way. Seeing a father learn to know his children through the eyes of someone their age was so tender yet so heartbreaking. This drama shed a light on how complex the human condition is and how people have more than one layer to their personalities. Hence the need to always be kind to one another. I don't remember all the details of that drama but that's the drama which made me discover Lee Do Hyun and his amazing and detailed acting ^^

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai

One of the most beautiful kiss brought to screen. If you know, you know. Such a heartfelt drama :(( The absurdity of life doesn’t seem too insuperable when that life is lived while having the well-beings of others in mind. (Yes I am quoting myself, that's embarrassing. That phrase is from the review I wrote on MDL). That's basically what this series is all about. Loved the cinematography and the gentle vibe of the show (that makes no sense but it's hard to put into words what this series made me feel ><).

Avatar: The Last Airbender

The characters' developments in that show!!! I love well-written shows and this one was a blessing. I don't think any animated series can top this one. There is so many good things about it: flawed yet likable characters, thought-provoking dialogues, amazing story arcs, genuine friendships etc. (Iroh's the best character and we can all agree on that ^^)

You're My Sky

Such an underrated series!! Please do watch it, it's amazing! The three main couples all have different stories and everyone acts so well :( A well-written show with a beautiful cinematography? Count me in!

The Untamed

Oh my! Where to start? The Untamed was my first Asian drama and I've never moved on from it. I tend to hyperfixate a lot and so I usually quickly move on once I've finished a series/movie/book etc. but I could never move on from this show. The angst here is peak perfection. Wei Wuxian is one of the best character ever written and I love him to pieces. So many heart-breaking story arcs, so many amazing characters... Just so much pain but it's beautiful???

Weak Hero Class 1

One of the rare series which showed how genuine male friendships could be. WHC1 was really hard to watch but it was worth it. I am still trying to recover from it tbh... I just hate how cruel and brutal the human kind can be. I don't want to start any discourse but I liked Beom Seok. It doesn't mean I was ever okay with what he did but he is a much more complex character than most people think.

Beyond Evil

THE most amazing drama ever produced. I have written so many in-depths analyses on this drama — it's ridiculous — but it just gives you an idea of how impressive this drama was (both acting-wise and script-wise). I'll stop there because I won't be able to stop myself from rambling otherwise ><

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us

I've written such an emotional review on MDL... Loved it so much. Brilliant performances, amazing dramatic references, stunning dialogues, gorgeous cinematography and a realistic plot. This drama sure felt like an out-of-time experience. I'm still sad I can't get my hands on HQ scenepacks because I would have loved to make some edits :(

So I'm basically someone who loves well-written series with nuanced and flawed characters. I like analysing things and I greatly appreciate subtle acting. I'm also a big softie lol so I like slow-burn relationships full of gentleness.

I'm tagging @ohmybitna <3 (I hope you haven't already done it. Feel free not to do it if you don't feel like. No pressure!)

[a-dragons-journal]

My Experiences of Nonhumanity

I get asked about “what makes you/people in general feel you’re/they’re otherkin” a lot, and while the answer is far from simple and my experiences are anything but universal, I figure it deserves a write-up once in a while. A friend asked about it a couple nights ago, so I wrote up a huge long message on Discord, and decided to rewrite it into a Tumblr post for posterity. This’ll be a long one, folks; hit J on desktop to skip.

It’s worth noting ahead of time: none of these things are required to be otherkin, and none of them automatically mean you’re otherkin. In fact, most of them are little more than mildly “weird” quirks when they occur in isolation, and only start to push outside the range of “normal human experiences” when many of them occur together. You can’t look at someone (including yourself) and say “they like collecting things, they must be dragonkin!” It’s not that simple. You have to take the individual as a whole even as you examine each specific experience in more detail - don’t lose the forest while you’re studying the trees. This is just a description of my personal experiences.

Shifts

- Phantom shifts/supernumerary phantom limbs: Probably the most obvious thing and the hardest to brush off, although I still managed to do so for years. Phantom shifts, aka supernumerary phantom limbs, are the experience of feeling limbs or body parts that do not and never have physically existed. In my case, the most common phantom limbs to show up are my wings and tail; other body parts, such as digitigrade legs, horns, snout, and paws/talons, also make appearances less frequently. While my phantom limbs almost never attempt to replicate tactile sensations/interactions with the physical world, they’re often defined by very vivid proprioception (ability to tell where your body is in space, mainly via muscle stretch receptors), and I can tell where each part of the limb is at any given time - it’s not just a shapeless sense of “weight,” or it wouldn’t be phantom limbs. I can also move them at will, typically. My phantom shifts are typically spontaneous and involuntary, but they’ve been induced artificially a couple different ways as well, though I can’t typically do it at will.

- Sensory shifts: Still not something I’m totally sure I experience, but there are definitely times my sense of smell becomes insanely strong compared to usual even for me, which fits the definition of a sensory shift.

- Astral shifts: While I’m far from an adept astral traveler, when visualizing “traveling” within my own mindscape, I shift form fluidly between human and dragon - although I almost always have wings at the very least.

- Cameo shifts: Mentioned only because it’s relevant to my phantom shifts. I realized at some point that the reason I get cameo shifts of canine/feline ears sometimes is because they usually show up when they’re pricking/flattening to express emotion, and the muscles that move to do that action are basically the same as the ones that do those actions with the crest that runs down my neck, and because of my obsession with cats/dogs/horses as a young child and because that’s not a particularly strong phantom shift for me usually, I connected the dots a little wrong and created a false association.

- Self-image: This isn’t technically a shift, but it’s going here anyway because it doesn’t really fit in any other section either. My body image/self-image is weird. I know, consciously, what I physically look like. However, my instinctive self-image is... hmm. What I “expect” to see doesn’t always match up with what’s actually there when I look in the mirror. Teeth are a huge point of fixation for me for some reason; I always expect them to be larger, sharper, stronger. I expect my neck to be longer, my face to be... different. I expect scales in places. I expect claws. Even knowing consciously that of course it won’t be there, it’s still strange sometimes that it’s not. There’s sometimes some mild disconnect when I see myself. (Sometimes not. But sometimes.)

Homesickness

(Or, the sense of missing something you’ve never had - not of “I want/want to be [x], and it makes me sad/upset that I don’t have/am not that,” but of “I should have/be [x], and it is fundamentally wrong that I do/am not.”)

- Flight: I have always wanted to fly, and for a long time I thought everyone ached for the sky the same way I did. Most people don’t, as it turns out. Yes, everyone’s fantasized about flying, but most people don’t feel bones-deep, crushing, physical pain in their chest thinking about it. Most people don’t lift up onto their toes instinctively straining for the sky. I’ve felt that aching longing for it for as long as I can remember.

- Connection to dragons: For as long as I can remember knowing about dragons, I loved the idea of them and even when I was very young, when I’d only really been exposed to media where they were the great evil for the hero to defeat and received no more character development than “evil, destructive, fire-breathing beast,” I was always on the dragon’s side and wanted to learn more about them. That hasn’t faded. I’ll watch an absolutely terrible movie or TV show that I otherwise loathe if it has good enough animation and sound design on the dragons. (Looking at you, Game of Thrones.*) I would commit arson to see one of those Isle-style dragon survival games actually go through and finish production. (Holding out hope for the Dragon Game Project on YouTube; go check them out if you haven’t already.) I’ve also used dragons to represent myself for pretty much as long as I’ve had an online presence - years before I ever heard of otherkin, I was calling myself Dragonheart.

- Dragon-like creatures: Snakes, crocodilians, and dinosaurs all fall into this category - all of them give me a similar heart-and-breathing-pick-up, aching familiarity to dragons. They’re not perfect, but in a snake’s scales and a crocodile’s bellows and a dinosaur’s spectacular reptilian size I see echoes of us and I have always loved them with a passion, even before I quite knew why.

- Dragon/”monster” noises: Sound generators, creature sound design, real animal noises, etc. that are meant to be monstrous and that most people find unsettling or even frightening, I find comforting and relaxing. Alligator bellows, “monster noise” soundscapes, etc. all apply here.

* No shade on anyone who likes Game of Thrones, I’m just not a fan. :P

Behaviors/Instincts/Urges

- Hoarding: I’m still not sure how much of the crystal thing is "monkey brain say Shiney Colorful," how much is a witch thing, and how much is a dragon thing, but some of it is a dragon thing.

- Territorial/possessive nature: I can get... extremely territorial over my stuff and my home. This can extend right into being ridiculously protective of my people too, although I do try to rein that in to a reasonable amount. This also extends into games like Capture the Flag, because put me on defending the border during middle and high school and I got frighteningly territorial. (Fun fact, this extends to spiritual protection stuff and it has almost gotten me in trouble a few times on that front.) The other main side effect is my brain trying to claim completely inappropriate things as “mine,” like every piano I have ever touched or, that one time, the entire city of Portland.

- Prey drive: Going on a walk in the woods with me will always be an exercise in stopping every twenty seconds because I heard a small animal move in the brush and froze instinctively to track it. Prey drive ranges from "okay I can indulge this enough to track-stalk-chase without actually intending to catch-kill-eat" to "this is entirely inappropriate and needs to Stop Right Now" depending on the day and the situation - sometimes it’s fairly low-key and innocent, but sometimes it's also being confronted with the sudden and completely serious/genuine thought of grabbing someone or something by the neck/around the body with your jaws and hunt-prey-kill-devour when it's completely inappropriate and kind of disturbing or even sickening. It’s one of the more annoying things, although it’s not like it’s severe enough that I’m an actual danger to anyone - it’s just a gut thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level without significant problems. This also bleeds into games (I get... maybe a little overenthusiastic during tag) and even watching TV shows or gaming videos - most of the time at least part of me is rooting for the hunter because I relate to them as a fellow predator, even if the audience is supposed to be rooting for the prey - I mean, protagonists.

- Basking/heat-seeking: Probably only partially a dragon thing, but despite the fact that I hate heat in general, radiant/sun heat and heat from a heated surface are both fantastic feelings provided the ambient air temperature isn't too high. I'm guessing this is at least partially a reptile brain thing.

- Height-seeking: Give me a chance to climb up on top of something - a rock, a cliff, a chair, a table, a bunk bed - and look out over everything else, and I'll take it in an instant. Getting to climb up on the roof is the best thing that's happened to me this entire quarantine.

- Flight instinct: Being mildly leery of cliffs not because I am afraid of falling, because I'm really not, but because there's always some part of my brain that goes "jump, fly, this is a perfect takeoff spot" and I have to squash that before I do something particularly stupid. This manifests in other ways, but that's the most dramatic (and annoying) one. This is also one of the things I noticed as definitively not normal long before my awakening. (The Grand Canyon was fun.)  Similarly to the prey drive thing, it's not like I'm actually in danger of throwing myself off cliffs, it’s just - there's a not-insignificant part of my brain that thinks "hey we should go run and jump off and take a quick flight," in the same way I might also casually think "hey I should stroll across to the corner store for a bag of chips" before I consciously decide whether or not to do that. It’s the exact same type of thought process, despite the fact that one of those things is something I might do on any given school day, and the other is, you know, physically impossible.

- Combat instincts: I get in a fight and my pure instinct is to bite or claw, not kick or punch or whatever it is humans do instinctively. I have those reflexes now courtesy of Krav, but I had to train them in - if you’d thrown me into a fight before, I absolutely would have resorted to claws/nails and teeth immediately (and I still will, when pressed into a corner). Sometimes, unfortunately, this goes off completely unwarranted, either in an anger situation that does not deserve a physical response, or for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's one of the more problematic things, but once again - it’s not like it’s a compulsion, just a gut-emotion thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level.

- Scent focus: Who knows how much of this is environmental influence and how much is instinctive, but I always have and still do focus on scent more than most humans seem to. I can identify people by scent, I seem to pay more attention to it than most people do. I also seem less bothered by natural body smells than most people do, but considering the responses when I asked around in the otherkin community once about that, unclear whether or not that's connected.

- Nonhuman noises: I make just a bunch of weird nonhuman noises, and always have. Growls, hisses, croons, hurrs, throat-clicks, chirps, etc. I've never met any human who does them instinctively like I do except my half-sister (whom I didn’t meet until a couple years ago), and she was just as surprised to hear me do it as I was surprised to hear her do it.

- Affection: Face-rubbing, light head-bonking against someone’s shoulder/body/head, and love nips/bites are all perfectly acceptable ways to show platonic affection, to dragon brain. Human society disagrees. The instinct to do these things is so strong that I definitely do give into the first two with people I’m close with, and I have physically had to catch and restrain myself when I was about to unthinkingly bite/nip someone’s skin because I wasn’t paying enough attention.

- Movement: Moving on all fours just feels better than moving on two legs, even though it’s objectively physically uncomfortable because humans aren’t built for that. I also have the instinctive want to be a lot more flexible than I’m capable of being, in ways I’m not capable of being - curling all the way around something or someone to squeeze them tight in the coil of my body, turning my head a hundred eighty degrees because my neck Should Be Longer.

- Expression: Baring one’s teeth when frustrated, irritated, or angry is not a particularly human instinct. I realize it’s something a lot of primates do do, but. *gestures at society* Humans ain’t one of them, at least not anymore. Even in Krav Maga, which is a self-defense style that focuses on being vicious and “dirty fighting” to survive a real street fight, every single time I have a new partner (and most times I have a partner I’ve worked with before) and I get tired enough to get snarly, they respond with some variation of “god that’s scary”. See also: gesturing at things with my nose because it should be long enough to make that a much more dramatic gesture than it ends up being.

- Den/lair/small spaces: I never feel safer than when curled up in a tiny alcove just big enough to comfortably fit my body curled up into it. The only position I’ll prioritize over it is getting up onto a high space.

Past Life Work

Unlike every other bullet point on this list, most of these didn’t apply until I started actively seeking them out, because, you know. Past life memories are like that.

- Past life regressions: I’ve got a tag for these, but tl;dr I take anything I learn from a past life regression or similar meditation/visualization with a whole spoonful of salt, forget “a grain,” because I know for a fact my brain is very good at making stuff up with these types of exercises. Unfortunately, they’re the only way to get information on certain things, like appearance.

- Tarot: Got a tag for that too. I use tarot to ask questions and confirm or reject suspicions.

- Spontaneous memories: I don’t have many, but they’re clear as day when they do appear. I don’t count something as a “true” memory unless it includes senses I can’t reproduce through imagination - smell and touch, mainly. Mostly these are quick flashbulbs, nothing cinematic or anything like that.

- Noemata: Again, I don’t have much in the way of noemata, but what I do have is persistent and consistent. I know things about my wing shape and flight style despite not having really experienced that in detail during past life regressions. That particular set of noemata has been confirmed to fit with real-world physics and bat wing shapes (the closest wing type to mine that exists or has existed on Earth).

[wonderlandandotherplaces]

so it’s six am, ive been awake for the last twenty four hours internally screaming at my dissertation (believe it or not from this absolute trash of a post & the six (now seven am) grammer, but i am months away from getting a degree in english lit/creative writing) so here is my first & last contribution to this fandom because im probably gonna get murdered for this absolute garbage.

okay so this all happened because i saw that caleb wore this cool ring on his ring finger & whilst it’s probably costume jewellery he wore it in several scenes so i kinda assumed that caleb either is or was married. i personally don’t think this dude is a straight & yes, his actual backstory in the show is probably gonna be quite tame (& better than this) but i headcanon that he has a ghost partner out there in the world. (or trapped somewhere its caleb, he inslaves souls his relationship probably isn’t a functional one)

so his ‘ghost’ partner in my headcanon is a dude for starters.

probably met doing something to do with entertainment, caleb was definitely some kind of performer & his partner could’ve been some kind of writer for a show/wrote songs possibly.

they were discreetly together before they died i doubt he was from a time where it was accepted because, from his outfits mans either really into the idea of looking as dramatic as he possibly can like an evil ghost gatsby (bitch, he probably was gaytsby) or he died a long ass time ago).

it wasn’t exactly an ‘official’ marriage, but they wore rings & they knew.

they either died together or separately. they could’ve been murdered, could’ve been killed by a plauge or they genuinely could’ve just died of natural causes (people died young back in the olden day’s, my ma said that if someone got to their late forties in the 70/80’s it was considered an old age)

they were ghosts for a while before the devil showed up. let’s say they were active ghosts with nothing much to do other than haunt people.

probably haunted all the new owners of their home because caleb & his husband didn’t like how new owners redesigned their home.

there’s different levels of haunting from them both: caleb’s husband ‘lightly haunts’ but caleb goes to the extreme then goes further.

at first, his husband is mildly annoyed if caleb somehow ends up killing someone because that blood is not coming out of the mahogany floors & just why are we murdering people now.

but after a decade or so he just goes a long with it because they just want to do everthing they can do as ghosts.

they just like some excitement in their existance & sometimes murder will be on the agenda.

they’re just living their best ghost lives & probably racking up quite a body count which is when the devil decides to pop by.

idk what he offers caleb but caleb’s partner isn’t there when this happens (because the devil has been keeping tabs & knows that caleb’s husband 100% reigns him in & would be skeptical of a deal) & if he was offered extreme ghost power, new digs (which he could choose the style of i always kinda picture the ghost club as a pg hotel cortez ngl probably because caleb reminds me of a pg version of will drake), infinite new outfits & just a lavish existance, i think he’d like the idea & agree.

the devil explains the terms (putting stamps on souls & keeping them inslaved, probably feeding them to the devil over time (idk how dark we want to go here) & caleb probably wasn’t even that fazed (he’s still a bastard)

so, husband returns & caleb explains that they’re being given this wonderful opportunity & just decides not to tell his husband the price (deep down he knows that his partner wouldn’t agree)

yes his husband is skeptical & is like ‘how did you do this, who did you murder now? & actually I don’t think I want to know.

let’s say that, partner actually thinks that they’re slipping away from this plane of existance & seeing as they don’t know what is after being a ghost, he’s willing to try something new.

so they get the ghost club. caleb has a hundred & one flamboyant name suggestions ‘to make a statement’ & it’s his husband who names it ‘the hollywood ghost club’

they fill it with entertainment, making sure it goes with the times but also honours ghosts of entertainment past.

whilst haunting (sometimes murdering) people was a decent pastime, this is their calling & they love it.

his husband writes some snazzy musicals whilst caleb keeps to his deal & does the less than snazzy soul inslaving work (discreetly)

his husband is of the impression that they’re just helping lost souls & that when they disappear it’s because they’ve found what they were looking for or were at peace.

caleb’s husband actually cares about the souls that pass through their club & finds joy in helping them learn how to haunt, how to use their powers etc.

he tries not to actually adopt the sad young ghosts he comes across.

it’s when he actually does want to adopt some ghosties that shit goes down.

because caleb tries to discreetly warn him that it’s not good to get attached because they’re inslaving these poor unfortunate souls & it blows up in his face.

because his partner wants to adopt some ghost kids because he thinks it would be great for all parties involved.

however, caleb is not into that idea & it becomes painstakingly evident that it isn’t just because he’s not that fond of the idea of raising/trying to dad kids/teens.

idk how, but caleb’s husband would find out (via willie???) & it would get ugly.

he knew that caleb probably did something dodgy but not something on this level.

caleb would be like ‘so you can excuse dabbling in murder but you draw the line at enslaving souls’

his husband would be so angry & disappointed.

they keep a distance from each other after that.

either his husband gives into the pull to the unknown & eventually vanishes into the void leaving caleb heartbroken.

or he starts trying to tear what they’ve built apart & the devil takes him out.

or he tries to take the soul stealing buisness out & the devil tells caleb he’s gotta take him out & because he absolutely could never destroy his own husband has imprisoned him.

or he’d either leave caleb & set up his own place somehow where he could care for & nurture innocent souls & that’s what he’s been doing, trying to ignore what his husband has been doing all this time.

until somehow someone (probably willie or someone willing to destroy caleb’s entire career) finds out about him & figures he could help take caleb down because he’s still hurt by what happened.

or if he’s imprisoned & julie is ready to slap caleb into the other side after everything he did to her himbos & nick, somehow frees caleb’s husband from where he’s been imprisoned.

despite his ‘bitch plz, like i care’ attitude, caleb does care & he is heartbroken without his other half.

probably wears his wedding ring from time to time (caleb does wear a ring on his ring finger during ‘the other side of hollywood’ i know it’s just costume jewellery but this is where this bullshit began)

either way, it’s angst all around & despite the fact that caleb thought that he’d at least be able to spend eternity with his husband, he’s ended up destroying it & now despite his facade the idea of eternity isn’t as exciting as it once was.

[icykalisartblog]

Rant: Why I Hate the Castlevania Netflix Dracula

I am so sick of seeing articles like “How Adi Shankar Made Dracula Sympathetic” or (hopefully) joking posts like “Dracula did nothing wrong.” I, personally, think the Netflix show removed all the sympathetic and nuanced characteristics Dracula had in the games and turned him into one of the weakest, most pathetic, most unlikable excuses for a villain I’ve ever seen and I want to explain why I feel that way because I’m sure that somewhere, there’s someone who feels the same way and is really angry about the constant praise lavished on the Netflix portrayal. 

Constantly praised is the show’s depiction of Dracula’s relationship with Lisa. While it was great to see their dorky first meeting, Lisa’s comment that the clergy shouldn’t kill her because her husband is doing “so much better” completely destroys this for me. In the games, Dracula was never a genocidal maniac prior to meeting Lisa. Yes, he was evil and his actions as Mathias led to people’s deaths, but he was living a fairly peaceful life as a vampire until Lisa was executed. Because Dracula was already killing people en masse in the TV show long before his romance with Lisa, it ruins any notion of his start of darkness being linked to her demise!

Dracula in the show is also constantly sulking like an emo teen. The creators even made a music video called “Emo Dracula” that pokes fun at this. Please people, stop pretending that standing in a dark corridor and muttering “I’m so alone” to yourself is dramatic... well, I suppose it is dramatic, but not in the way people keep saying it is. This behavior doesn’t make Dracula more sympathetic. It’s a self-indulgent sadness that makes him look weak and childish. Dracula in the games, while still mourning Lisa, at least acts like an adult and a leader. 

The worst part of it is that Dracula isn’t actually alone at all! In the show, Isaac is his one true friend and wants to stick with him through everything, and this relationship is another thing constantly praised as making Dracula sympathetic... but in reality this “friendship” is horribly unhealthy and basically consists of Isaac enabling Dracula’s moping (he even says “You’re so alone” to him in front of the court as Dracula sulks) while Dracula says he appreciates Isaac’s friendship and that he’s the best humanity has to offer, while ignoring all of Isaac’s self-flagellation. The equivalent to this friendship in the games would presumably be Dracula’s relationship with Death, which is mutually supportive and features them emotionally and literally empowering each other. How could making Dracula’s relationship with his best friend unhealthy in the show be more sympathetic? Also, this is not really important, but I think it’s worth mentioning that in the games, there’s a lot of interesting history between Death and Alucard since Death helped raise him. But in the show, Isaac never even gets to interact with the heroes and there is no history there. This issue extends to the rest of Dracula’s court in the show as well. In the games, Dracula is able to form several genuine friendships and close bonds with other monsters (Shaft, Carmilla, the monsters who hold his relics, etc.) and gathered misfits who were rejected by the church from the beginning. Dracula is able to unite quite a few disparate characters under excellent leadership. This is an admirable trait even though Dracula is unapologetically evil. But in the show, any respect I could have for his leadership goes out the window. All those vampires were on his side and ready to support him and he planned to have them all killed in a murder-suicide! His childish personality even leads him to take Godbrand aside and bully him by calling him short just for asking reasonable questions! And when the vampires rightfully question why they should serve humans, instead of giving the logical answer he tells Hector and Isaac later (that humans know humanity best) he simply snaps at his court and whines that since he’s the leader, they have to do as he says! What a terrible, treacherous leader! Finally, there is Dracula’s relationship with Alucard, often heralded as touching in the show. But how can I feel that way when one of the first things Dracula does with him is brutally scar his own son and abuse him? In the games, nothing like this ever occurs, and in SotN, it seems that Dracula is ready to welcome Alucard back “home” and spend time with him if he ever wants to return--this battle of good vs. evil is played more as a family struggle over ideals. But in the show, Alucard leaves the castle not only because Dracula is evil and disrespecting Lisa’s wishes, but because Dracula physically abused him. It’s ridiculous to me that people can say this Dracula is more sympathetic than the one in the games when this is the case. In fact, I smiled and laughed when Alucard staked and killed Dracula in the show because that was the ending a childish mopey abuser deserved.  In the end, I just don’t have any respect for the Netflix Dracula, nor any sympathy. As a newish fan of the games, Dracula’s leadership abilities and friendships with his servants really intrigued me, as did his surprisingly respectful interactions with Alucard and his other enemies. To see the show erase and twist all of these admirable elements and turn him into a weak, overemotional, treacherous, unsympathetic idiot was really too bad, but worse was seeing so many fans react as if this portrayal was the more sympathetic one. I really hope there are some fans who have kept quiet who feel the same way.

[jewizh]

an excessively long self-reflection into gender and sexuality - specifically being trans and bi.

first off, im just noticing there's a rainbow eucalyptus tree by my bus stop, so now i can daily zone out looking at pretty colours.

second, figuring out sexuality/handling bisexuality "am i bisexual? am i not? i thought i was, then i realized i wasn't, except now i think i am" is absolutely frustrating and not something i see much being talked about - honestly probably because i avoid it as i tend to do with a lot of things, to the point that i'm still confused and on the edge of what i am - especially in relation to being transgender.

and it's like, my first idea that im bisexual came from "wow girls are hot, boys are hot, guess im bisexual" and i lived my life like this. young, baby brained me was honestly pretty intellectual and knew things. even better, i was lucky enough to not question beyond this, and went and had a girlfriend in middle school while together, we fawned over boys. it was a genuinely not terrible experience, until then-fourteen year old me was being told "i love you" and i panicked because i'm fourteen and didn't feel the same way, so i broke it off. unimportant in the long run.

and after this, i continued on thinking, i'm bi. it's chill. i started questioning my gender, something i dont think would have happened earlier on had i not dated someone who wasn't cis - and as soon as some jackass comes out saying "transtrender" or some dumb shit, no. i was confused, always have been confused in relation to gender expression at the very least. i had always been non-feminine, but, here's where i started actively looking at gender. amazingly, this analysis of how i acted didn't even key in on the idea that i'm not a girl, but instead, i figured my avoidance of femininity was because of internal misogyny, so baby me went and wore a dress "happily" to embrace that being girly wasn't weak! yay! good intentions, but...wrong personal reasons.

i get older - that sounds dramatic because it's like the span of a year or two - and i continue "i like girls and boys and non-binary!" (gonna be honest, this is about the time i was delving into hamilton, one of the worst and better experiences i've had in relation to tumblr, but that is a completely different story; at the very least, i was getting more into social insight on gender.) about here, i'm questioning my gender for real because while that dress i wore to homecoming was pretty, i was uncomfortable as hell and expressing femininity did not make me feel good. step one is realizing im not a girl, which is a good step: i say im non-binary (which, i am). through this confusion, i tack on that i'm asexual because im confused and frustrated and like...fourteen/fifteen. i really would have saved myself a world of pain and confusion if i just sat there for a few minutes and went "im fourteen/fifteen", but again, another story. at this point, i'm still touting that im bi.

more time passes - aka now im 16 - and i cut my hair, get a binder, im turning into my mom's worst nightmare right before her eyes. i never fully drop the whole "im non-binary" thing, but i actively start embracing and expressing that im trans-masculine - or, just trans because that's so much easier to say and is the whole damn truth. here is about the time i put my attraction on the line because i was/am confused and scared. it's going to take me a few months to work through that i'm not asexual - no, i'm not grey-sexual, fuck why did i think that, who let fourteen year old me go "oh damn, i dont wanna sleep with anyone right now??? i must be asexual!!" and who let fifteen year old me go "hm, i think im starting to feel sexual attraction, but not towards every person i pass, im grey-ace!" - but now i'm also looking at my attraction to gender. newly appointed trans me has a large interest in boys because i was confused. slowly, i dropped thinking i was attracted to girls because i was too busy giving boys heart eyes in what i assumed to be total attraction and not also just envy that they have what i dont. being attracted to girls confuses me because i hated my body and some evil part of my brain said i cant like girls because that means i should like myself and my body - don't ask for the logic here, there is none.

and here's the thing, for years i went along with this. i envy boys, who i also happen to me "exclusively" attracted to. dysphoria compounds this, i go with it, even as i pass over girls that are cute because my attraction to them isn't the same as my attraction to boys - oh, news flash, nobody told me that my being attracted to them in different ways is completely normal. i pass through life actively attracted to girls and waltz about like there's nothing wrong with that, i'm gay, even as i want to date a girl im like "pff, im gay, that's weird". i was actually so deep into confusion based around gender dysphoria i really went and dropped being bi altogether, honestly thinking i cant possibly like girls.

now, call me a nerd and sad, whatever, but i actually took me doing a heavy and thorough star trek rewatch and falling in love with a girl every three seconds before i sat there and realized "oh shit". it was a big oh shit, and even then, i was nervously like "nah, it's just. they're pretty! i like boys exclusively!! i dont like girls the same way i like boys, so i like boys!" and it really took finally seeing someone else say that being bi doesn't mean you're attracted to gender the same way for me to realize - damn it, im bi, aren't i. not in a disappointed way, i will say i think im luckier for not ever dealing with internal biphobia when i was younger, and that carried over, i dont have any distaste over being bi, but there really is a sense of frustration looking back at eleven/twelve year old me saying im bi and sixteen-eighteen being like "im gay" all because of confusion based around gender dysphoria. and there's even more frustration confronting that dysphoria and how it sways my perception of gender and attraction in a way i can't really express. there's frustration that i finally concluded im bi while watching star trek at midnight while pointedly not doing my physic homework.

i never had people to talk to about this, absolutely terrified of being judged, called fake, etc. and scared of stigma. it took me long years for my ever-evolving self to come full circle because i was too scared and confused to talk about it instead of crying into a pillow at night because of extreme frustration.

and that's my excessively long post to say... im bi. girls are pretty.

[embersrevived]

Questions Meme 

Tagged By: @sunflowercecil​

1. What is your name? “Nadir Darvish.” 

2. Do you know why you’re named that?” “Well ... I believe my parents specifically wanted their first and only child to have a name that either honored an important aspect of Parzian culture and tradition or was an homage to a renowned monarch in Parzian history, and eventually they decided on the latter. Nadir (Nader) Shah, if I recall correctly, was a king from a former dynasty who was renowned for his ingenuity and acumen, both as a statesman and military general. His military campaigns and exploits during his reign were so great that he has actually been dubbed ‘the second Alexander’ by some historians. I think my parents had been betting on having a male child at first, but then just decided to roll with it after I was born, haha.”

“Funny thing is, a lot of people just automatically assume that my name is meant to be some sort of ‘edgy’ moniker, like the antithesis of the word ‘zenith’ or something when that actually isn’t the case. Though that certainly doesn’t mean I appreciate the endearing little opposite-nickname that I was recently given, Zen-Zen, any less...~”  She furtively winks at @plague-doctor-jules

3. Are you single or taken? “Single. as a Pringle” 

4. Have any abilities or powers?

“Besides bringing all around me to their knees groaning with my tacky humor? Well ... incantation-wise, I feel I am somewhat proficient in spells that have to do with small-scale, temporary immobilization, like temporary stunning. Though I really refrain from utilizing such spells unless I truly feel the need to do so. The stunning spells really only are effective on small creatures, e.g. rats, roaches, etc. that I feel need to be halted in their tracks before being able to deal with them accordingly. Also some might argue that my horrendous jokes and puns constitute some sort of low-key ‘evil’ ability in themselves, haha.”

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“Stop being an ‘idealized, seemingly perfect character? ... Hahahaha! How droll of you, when everyone knows that I’m practically the most awkward and gauche potato turtle in this here town. That’s a facetious jab at how I’m actually the complete and utter opposite of that, right? Right, it must be.” 

6. What’s your eye colour? “Very dark brown.” 

7. How about your hair colour?

“Very dark brunette, almost appearing even black from a distance.”

8. Have any family members?

“Yes, my mother and father, Setareh and Bardiya,  along with my maternal grandmother and grandfather, Roshanak and Cyrus. No siblings, though. I think after I was born, my parents decided that one was more than enough, hahaha ... I’ve been told that I was quite the troublesome little stinker as a tot.” 

9. Oh! How about pets?

“Well, I’m not sure if I should go about referring to my familiar as a pet, but my  albeit adorable call duck, Ordak is the only one I have currently. Back when I lived with my parents and not the magic shop, I did used to own a boisterous blue budgie, though ... someone forgot to close the door to his cage, and the little poopsie just chirped his wee heart out before suddenly taking off, never to be seen or heard from again.” 

10. That’s cool, I guess, now tell me something you don’t like.

“Well ... I must admit I don’t really appreciate people who are overly snippy or snarky just for the sake of it when it isn’t really necessary, or because they find it ‘quirky’, ‘trendy’, or ‘edgy’ to do so. Basically people who show little consideration for others’ feelings in general, especially if they do so because they believe their elevated social status or sense of ego gives them a pass to do so. And people who just find it absolutely acceptable to do away completely with common courtesy when dealing or speaking with you just because they decide they don’t like, click with, or understand you as a person, or they personally find some attributes of yours irksome.”

“I mean, I feel you must always at least try to put a conscious effort into politely and tactfully dealing with even those you don’t jive well with or like much, I think. Especially because there will always be people you find yourself not being overly fond of, or who aren’t overly fond of you, there is just too much effort and negative energy to be put into going out of one’s way to not be civil towards others, at least initially.” 

“Also overly arrogant and condescending individuals, lord knows I’ve dealt with more than a fair share of those in my time, both in and out of  the realm of academia. Overly pretentious and critical individuals in general also. Though ... perhaps I have been too verbose and ranty in giving this answer, I do apologize. I ... I do tend to talk a lot, haha. In summation: just overly inconsiderate individuals in general.” 

11. Do you have any hobbies/activities that you like to do?

“Writing poetry at times, sketching, drawing, reading, occasionally engaging in mischievous antics, etc. ...” 

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

“Oh, I’m sure ... I mean, I have certainly gotten into disagreements and all that with people in the past, and in doing so the distressed, angry tone that I may have utilized in the heat of it all may have hurt some feelings in the past. And I’d almost always feel some sort of guilt afterwards, even if things wound up being patched up and resolved betwixt myself and the individual with whom I’d had the spat. Though it is never my intention to go out of my way to make anyone feel badly about themselves or hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“But if you meant physically, no I don’t think - ... Wait. Wait. That one time, when the Ginger Floof  Julian barged into the shop and scared the bejeezus out of me with his overly dramatic, villainous entrance, of course how could I so easily forget ...” However, she does avert her gaze to the ground in shame as she recalls the events of that fateful night. “Well ... I did hurt Julian that ... one time when I threw that glass bottle during the invasion that one night, but I ... I didn’t know who he was at the time, and I certainly had zero idea as to what his intentions were ... though that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel the occasional pang of guilt, especially when I specifically recall that graphic image of the blood pooling and dripping down his cheek as a result of the injury inflicted around his eye.”

A sad, remorseful look engulfs the apprentice’s face before she snaps out of the flashback. “Ah ... I do apologize, ehr ... next question, please.” 

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

“No. Though I’ve perhaps come close to doing so with my barrage of gods-awful puns” 

14. What kind of animal are you?

“I have been told by a few in the past that because of my more timid nature, I can be akin to a small rodent, like a mouse or a hamster, at times. Though my familiar is currently a wee baby call duckling who, though rather sweet and cute, can be quite the boisterous little stinker at times, which I’ve been told is apparently another side of me that is ‘unlocked’ once I get to know people and am coaxed out of my shell. So I guess it’s somewhat fitting in that sense, haha.” 

15. Name your worst habits?

“I tend to become distracted fairly easily, I reluctantly admit. Also, I ... I tend to allow my insecurities and anxieties take control and cause me to make decisions or act in ways that ultimately prove to be counterproductive. Also over analyzing things, people, and situations almost to the point of obsession, to the point where I find myself often skeptical and cynical of other’s motives and sincerity, allowing my insecurities and fears to hinder and inhibit me mentally and socially.” 

16. Do you look up to anyone?

“I look up to any individual who remains steadfast and dedicated to their cause or line of work, whether it be academic, scientific, humanitarian, etc. in nature, and shows a genuine interest in acquiring knowledge in their selected field of interest and applying that knowledge for the betterment of others. I admire anyone who has defined themselves and devoted their purpose to the likes of altruism, benevolence, and kindness. A certain auburn-haired, fugitive physician would be the quintessential example of this, along with his lovely and equally sweet sister.” 

“I also admire those who yet manage to be levelheaded and resolute in the face of adverse situations, those who seem to know how to improvise, adapt, and persist in the face of any given hardship, or who devote themselves to supporting and assisting others finding themselves in such situations. My father comes to mind.”

17. Are you straight, gay, or bisexual?

“I believe I’m straight ... Though these sorts of things have been said to not be entirely black and white, with it being a spectrum and all, so who can really say for sure?” 

18. Do you go to school?

“Been there, done that, haha.” 

19. Ever wanted to marry and have kids one day?

“I’ve never even really ... been in a relationship before, so I must admit that the thought of marriage has been a more distant one, and children even more so. One step at a time I guess? Ahahahaha ...” Sweat drop. 

“Though me, in any sort of relationship, with my awkward and anxious tendencies? Is that even possible” 

20. Do you have any fans?

“Why yes, I do as a matter of fact.~” And with that, she proceeds to whip out an intricately designed, vibrantly hued hand fan that Asra had brought her back from one of his previous travels. And yes, she knows very well that is not quite what the question meant. Something of a cheeky grin forms on her visage shortly after giving this response. 

21. What are you most afraid of?

“...Failure. My internalized insecurities and anxieties mentally obstructing my path and goals and clouding my vision and perception of the future. Not being good enough, ineptitude, then possibly dying after having ultimately accomplished little more than becoming carrion for the microbes and worms to feast upon. ... Wow, that definitely came out darker than I had initially intended, ehr ... sorry about that.” 

22. What do you usually wear?

“Ah, just the usual casual dresses, shirts, and pants, truthfully nothing fancy in the least.” 

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

“Ohh ... I’m sure there are a myriad of dishes that could be used to answer this, but if I had to settle on one? Pomegranate chicken, especially like my mother makes it, especially when coupled with this fizzy carbonated yogurt beverage that we have back home in Parzia ... you’d have to actually see and try it if you don’t know what I’m referring to, haha; it sounds a bit weird to those who didn’t grow up with it.” 

24. Am I annoying to you?

“Ah, no, not at all ... am I annoying to you? I do hope ... that I haven’t been overly loquacious or rambling in giving my answers? If so, my apologies.” 

25. Well, it’s still not over!

“Aha, great. Wait ... that wasn’t meant sardonically, I promise, a-apologies if it came out sounding like that. Please continue.” 

26. What social class are you?

“I’d say more of the middle class, perhaps more on the lower end. Though we know that in the eyes of a certain gilded and flamboyant noble, that we are all seen equally as commoners and peasants, haha.” 

27. How many friends do you have?

“Uh ... well, I definitely consider Mas- ... I mean Asra to be a kind companion and friend ... and then there is Julian, whose company I’ve come to be rather at ease with to the point of engaging in regular banter and teasing. Portia is positively delightful and lovely as well. The Devorak duo is a true blessing, seriously. Such sweet, benevolent siblings. Selasi is rather amiable too, and I’ve had many a pleasant conversation with him every time I venture out into the market. Nadia has always been kind and polite to me, though I am not too sure if she’d regard me as a ‘friend’ just yet ... And I don’t think Muriel likes me very much, unfortunately.” 

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Aha, I’m not picky at all when it comes to saccharine treats, I pretty much think they’re all savory, cakes, pies, candies, etc. Though that doesn’t mean I indulge myself in them of course, haha. Certainly could do without anymore junk in the trunk” 

29. Favourite drink?

“Something known as the Parzian fizzy yogurt drink, basically exactly what the name says, plain yogurt mixed with carbonated water, with a pinch of salt and some mint to top it off.” 

30. What’s your favourite place?

“I don’t have one favorite place, to be honest ... Basically any place that is picturesque, serene, and allows me to pacify my nerves and be alone with my thoughts and away from the commotion of the general public, I guess. And I also must admit that the forbidden gardens in the abandoned courtyard that I visited with Julian that one time were quite lovely, I certainly wouldn’t mind revisiting that place.” 

31. Are you interested in anyone?

“Er ... W-well, I’m interested in a lot of people! Each and every individual has their own intriguing persona, a-after all ... Especially those towering, swaggering, cockily grinning types who tease yet become tomato-blushing, flustered messes the instant you give them even the smallest sample of their own medicine.” 

32. That was a stupid question…

“Ah, no, not really actually...” 

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

“The lake, at least I’m less likely to be encountering any aquatic creatures bearing sharp teeth in a freshwater body as opposed to the saline, haha. Also already having to experience one type of “shark week” is more than enough.” 

34. What’s your type?

“Er ... Well, I guess just someone who’s kind, sincere, considerate, with a good sense of humor. Because honestly, even if someone is generally perceived as being ‘classically attractive’ or whatnot, it really matters little if their personality is unpleasant or lacking in general. To be honest, I really don’t have a specific ‘type’ so to speak...” 

35. Any fetishes?

Something of a dumbfounded expression appears on the apprentice’s face, though she is quick to vehemently shake her head. “What? Uhhh .... no? Not that I ... know of? No. Ahem, next question, if you please.” A crimson hue proceeds to engulf her cheeks. 

36. Camping or outdoors?

“Uhh ... wait, camping takes place outdoors? ... Unless you mean camping vs. just walking about and enjoying the outdoors in general, in which case I must say the latter. Just ... the thought of all sorts and species of creepy crawlies clambering over me while I’m trying to sleep in a tent would make camping the less preferable option.” 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tagging: @plague-doctor-jules​ @conceitedxglory​ @nevivorona​ @asrage​ @humortremors​ @caesiis​ @unlicensedmartyr​ @bluemoontm​ @mnemosys​ @bitters-enthusiast @strsha

Questions: 

1. What is your name?

2. Do you know why you’re named that?”

3. Are you single or taken?

4. Have any abilities or powers?

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

6. What’s your eye colour?

7. How about your hair colour?

8. Have any family members?

9. Oh! How about pets?

10. That’s cool, I guess, now tell me something you don’t like.

11. Do you have any hobbies/activities that you like to do?

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

14. What kind of animal are you?

15. Name your worst habits?

16. Do you look up to anyone?

17. Are you straight, gay, or bisexual?

18. Do you go to school?

19. Ever wanted to marry and have kids one day?

20. Do you have any fans?

21. What are you most afraid of?

22. What do you usually wear?

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

24. Am I annoying to you?

25. Well, it’s still not over!

26. What social class are you?

27. How many friends do you have?

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

29. Favourite drink?

30. What’s your favourite place?

31. Are you interested in anyone?

32. That was a stupid question…

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

34. What’s your type?

35. Any fetishes?

36. Camping or outdoors?

[tumblunni]

Rambling about my new watchholder oc Mallory

* absolute gremlin child. Eats dirt. Probably more of a monster than most of the yokai.

* at the same time tho, she is like super sunshine friend! She looks kinda gloomy ominous but her personality is actually super bubbly and her biggest priority in life is making new yokai friends and loving them forever. Like, creepy in a wholesome way? She does indeed love horror movies and creepy crawlies and could probably fistfight god, but that doesnt mean she's evil!

* kinda always bored but also easily exciteable? One of her biggest recurring jokes is just ignoring the normal or sane solution to a thing and doing something more fun even if its more difficult or dangerous. Actually i guess its more "fearless" than bored? Or bored of fear, lol. Fearless and doesnt really give a shit about any rules. But again not in a mean way, she doesnt break rules because she wants to piss people off, just like "im not gonna believe this if nobody bothers explaining why its supposed to be so important". But not exactly phrased like that cos that would be rude, lol. So uhh more like just relateable autism feel of not grasping social cues but mixed with a personality thats quite outgoing and uncaring of being judged poorly for not being normal, as opposed to me who's always worried about what people think.

* oh wait thats the word for it!! Free-spirited! Trickster! Like a peter pan type of trickster tho, more than loki. Like just "i am naturally outside the obligations of normalcy" rather than "i am intentionally trying to prank/illusion/manipulate people cos its funny". Or uhh i guess "manic pixie dream girl" but without all the stupid shit that trope has got associated with.

* pretty much just wish fullfillment of "what if i was confident enough to not care what people think and just act like myself no matter what"

* anyway in summary she likes to climb trees n stuff and her reaction to yokai being real is "yay" and her reaction to seeing an undefeatable giant kaiju is to run at it and try and suplex it with her bare hands. She's kind of a badass! Tho lol also her biggest character flaw is her badassness, cos she can be reckless due to the lack of fear. But then also sometimes when everyone is hopeless she really does manage to save the day no matter what, and help inspire everyone else to be brave too!

* though i'm thinking of maybe a character arc where she starts off seeing this as just a fun adventure with no stakes, and it doesnt matter if you take risks cos nobody's gonna get hurt anyway. Like a "this isnt really real, its just my hero's story" sort of thing? When things start getting more dark and she faces things she cant just defeat with simple optimism, it kinda stops being fun anymore. And she has to realize that even if she doesnt care about her own self preservation there's consequences that could happen to her friends and family. And maybe she's already made mistakes that she can't take back, and now she's neck deep in a conflict thats a lot bigger and more insurmountable than she thought. You can't just fistfight something like the abstract concept of hatred for humanity which will continue to be perpetuated as long as the idea keeps taking root. And maybe even yokai you befriended could start to believe it too, after all you've kinda been treating them as just fun toys and sidekicks on a story that's all about you, and dragging them into danger with your recklessness. Even though you're fighting the villains, are you really doing it because you actually care about saving the day? Do you even know what you're saving it from...?

* and similar to her unflappable victoryness being shaken, i think her fearlessness and confidence could also be deeper than they look on the surface. I feel like maybe as the story goes on it could be revealed that its less being fearless and more just not caring about her own safety. You start to see her get more actual consequences from her fights, and it starts to become sort of concerning that she keeps brushing it off as no big deal. Laughing it off. Wondering why her friends are even sad that she got hurt. And maybe she isnt really happy all the time and 100% secure in who she is, she just tries to hide any signs of doubt because she feels like nobody would care. And that she has to always be the funny class clown or else nobody would want to be her friend. And like.. She doesnt even really believe that she's great, believe that she's fine as she is. She's more aware of her weirdness than she lets on. She's constantly, paralyzingly aware that everyone thinks she's a freak. She did use to try and change herself to fit in, but she kept failing at it and it never helped her get any friends. Or when she did think she made a friend they'd turn on her whenever she slipped up and showed a crack in her mask of the perfect normal person. The perfect normal person they wanted her to be.. Constantly changing into WHATEVER anyone wanted her to be. The only reason she doesnt do that anymore is that she lost all hope in it working, not that she actually gained confidence in her true self. And even when she's npt conciously doing it she's still subconciously trying to be what people want her to be. She has to always be funny, always be fearless, she has to cling to the few parts of her weirdness that people dont seem to hate. And now she has to be the hero. She has to carry all the dreams of everyone she's met along the way, while never letting them know when she's scared she wont be able to help make them come true. She's always just laughing it off and never being fully open with any of her friends, because she's scared they'll hate her. ..

* so uhh.. Yeah. Personal experience of that. Personal experience of trying to fit into negative stereotypes of autism because thats what everyone saw me as no matter how hard i tried, and also it was the only form of autism theyd treat positively, somehow. Like just be the "funny one" and dont challenge any of their assumptions ans they'll leave you in relative peace. Put up with some degree of degredation to avoid the even worse version. And i was doing all of this at a very youbg age before i even knew i was autistic or what autism was, but i could still feel how people treated me differently and how i had to friggin agree with it or else they'd never let it go. Gahhh.. It was all way too complicated and dark for a kid to understand!

* so yeah anyway her story arc is going from being a badass funny to being a funny badass? Like she just becomes more genuinely tough and cool when she's not always winning and the stakes dont seem so low and comical AND most importantly you know her real feelings and see that she will indeed continue fighting even when she's scared. And she doesnt try so hard to be cool all the time so it just lets her be more genuine. And form actual relationships with everyone with genuine feelings. So its less "she is badass because its funny" and more "she is a badass because she's a badass". But she's still funny, just in more varied ways than simply "the only reason she won this fight so fast is because jokes". Fighting legit threatening enemies in fights that arent over in five seconds. So they can contain... SEVERAL joke..!!! And also some actual fighting for once!!

* hhh i dunno i am very tired im probably not explaining this well

* oh and i think possibly she has a bit of a complex of feeling she's nothing without her yokai watch? Like the yokai are her first friends who never abandoned her. And she always felt like she was useless and it was her own fault that she didnt have any friends. She first started off being all irreverent and goofy when she got the yokai watch cos she was well into her "i dont care anymore" phase of depression and felt certain these new friends would all realise she was awful eventually and leave, so like.. Why get attatched? Just have fun while it lasts. So maybe actually she shows early signs of her depression by trying harder to be normal whenever anyone shows her friendship. Maybe something where she starts straigjtening her hair or dressing more feminine and then you just see this look on her face like her heart has shattered when someone agrees that she does look better now. (Maybe a new yokai she recently caught who was like super cool and she wanted to impress them?) And she gets compulsively obsessed with it, exaggerating it to a ridiculous degree and starting to change other parts of her appearance and everyone goes from giggling about this weird circumstance to getting REALLY DAMN CONCERNED! And in the end something something the yokai who was an asshole abput her needing to be more feminine slips up and shows his true assy colours to the other yokai and theyre like IT WAS YOU and he's like "what? You should be thanking me for fixing your shitty trainer!" And Then Everyone Beats Him Up Forever. Etc etc moral that real friends accept you for who you are and anyone who tells you you have to change to impress them is not worth impressing. Also maybe some aspect where the yokai dude thinks that mallory is trying to impress him cos she has a crush on him, and thats the moment that manages to snap her out of her depressive funk. Self hate overrided by sheer EWW NO IM A LESBIAN, DUDE i just liked ur cool hat, geez. (Wait was that entire plot idea just an excuse to find a way to foreshadow her getting a crush on hailey in yw3...?)

* and maybe i dunno some sort of dramatic episode where she loses the ability to use the yokai watch and is faced with her self worth issues all at once and its super fuckin sad and we all know eventually she will get to see all her yokai friends again cos the plots not gonna end before finishing all the games but still MEGA SUPER SAD MOMENT ANYWAY (also tearful reunions!)

* also i just heard theres a yokai called furgus thats a big adorable hairball that gives people big hair. So maybe that could be one of the comically easy victory episodes? He uses his power on mallory but her hair is already too fluffy to be floofed! Maybe it backfires and turns his own hair into a boring bowl cut, lol? And then maybe a sequel where he returns for revenge a million episodes later but it just so happens to be during the maddiman boss fight and he accidentally cures his balding. "Noooo dont thank me nooooo" *is forced against his will to become a popular advertosing mascot for hair cream* *like straight up just gets sucked into the nearest bottle and sealed like a genie* *cursed forever to fame and fortune and a million dollar salary*

* lol i dont think im as funny as the actual yokai watch writers but i have a few ideas at least. This will be fun to draw!

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 4)

sometimes I wonder about labeling the parts of the liveblog with “part 1, part 2, etc” ‘cause like...that doesn’t mean it’s part 4 of the book. just part 4 of the liveblog? idk, I jUST realized that might be confusing in a book split up into five parts, but it’s too late now...

I’m still in part one, for those keeping track.

Part 4 encompasses pages 240-326 (previous parts)

I genuinely cannot imagine Dalinar marrying someone quiet and shy and it’s just. wild.

“his bracer clocks” bless Navani for inventing wrist watches and calling them something delightful instead

nooooooo don’t bring Taravangian here!!!! Don’t let him see the center of your power!

crap, now we’ve got, like...all the factions together, right? Taravangian and the diagram people. the Ghostbloods. Amaram and whatever he’s doing. And us....everyone who knows stuff about the end of the world, all in one convenient place. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, except Jasnah. She’s out there, somewhere. When will my love return from the war

seriously, it’s been 240 pages, where is Jasnah.

“He’d been a friend to Gavilar and that was enough for Dalinar.” like. okay. sure. but you know your brother was trying to end the world to bring back the gods, right? like? ARGH.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hey do we have a way to tell Radiants from normal Shardblade holders?

I’m not saying I don’t trust Taravangian and his “newest Radiant” Malata, but... I DON’T TRUST TARAVANGIAN AND HIS NEWEST RADIANT MALATA

seriously, what is in Kholinar that all the parshmen are headed there? or...being driven there by their weird glow spren?

“Men of blood and sorrow don’t get an ending like that.” DAMN STRAIGHT THEY DON’T, YOU MURDEROUS CURMUDGEON

mmmmm she’s a Dustbringer? Our first one... “I don’t like how she smiles.” same though? I’m. concern.

oohh, I didn’t even think she might have an honorblade. where would Taravangian have gotten another honorblade. I remember reading something about there being more honorblades out and about in the world, but we don’t know whose, do we?

I. Am. Concern.

...........it’s not the bond. #confirmed by the stormfather. so there goes my theory about the the stormlight healing Dalinar’s memories.... hm

Taravangian getting all self-righteous about the Shin “murderering all those monarchs” like. even on a not-so-smart day he’s clever enough to deflect blame, to reinforce the idea that he’s just a harmless old man, would never command an assassin to kill off everyone’s kings. He’s terrifying, tbh.

mmmm, everyone thinking Dalinar is gonna attack them, I mean...good assumption but for once, you’re wrong!

omg

Dalinar, please, please do not go to war with the whole world all at the same time. Please.

I...don’t think that’s a spren...I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think it’s a spren. unless...can cities have spren? There are enough people, right? Can they manifest an incarnation of themselves? That’s basically what spren are, right? forces of nature made manifest, so...why not forces of civilization, too?

oh god

how long has it been alone?

this......is another story I wrote because it was sad, not because I wanted it. oh god. ooohh god. Urithiru...

OH ROCK!! ARE YOU OAK--okay, he’s okay.

wait

so it’s not just murders...it’s any sort of violence? the copycat is copying...all violence? or...just the criminal kind? surely it’s not copying all the violence of the army training or sparring. But...why? what’s to be gained from repeating the same crime a second time?

how long has this spren been alone and how mad is it?

does it think...violence is the way to be more human? to remember more? I’m...concerned and confused and. aaahhhhh

“Let me be stronger than those who would kill me.” punk!Dalinar, pls. you can pray for better things than that...

Dalinar keeping Navani’s prayer in his pocket like...my dude u r gettin married. the pining is. wow.

umm. #y i k e s

no wonder Kadash goes and joins the ardents...

Dalinar just...murdering a hundred people including some of his own men? is? really...like, okay, here’s the thing: We knew from the previous two books that Dalinar had done some bad shit. And we were told repeatedly that he’d changed dramatically. But being told and having it spelled out in...child murdering and unthinking friendly fire is...something else. The character development of this man is wild. and mildly uncomfortable. Like...his bad shit wasn’t just a few battles and some brutality of conquest. this was. really, really bad shit. And to see how far he’s come and how much he’s trying to atone for is. sure a thing.

and somehow people DIDN’T figure out that the Thrill is bad before now???

“This is a mercy” ARE YOU SURE?

AND THEN HE JUST GOES AND KILLS SOME MORE, JUST FOR FUNSIES

BUDDY. MY DUDE. YOU NEED TO STOP AND RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHOICES. PLEASE.

seriously, how does anyone think the Thrill is a good thing here.

Shallan really needs to look into her budding multiple personality disorder.

OKay, but are they siding with “the enemy” or are they siding with some parshmen who are now in workform and just want to be treated as real people instead of slaves? ‘cause like...you guys are all basing your strategy on the idea that EVERY parshman went stormform and started rampaging about killing everything in sight. And that definitely hasn’t happened yet.

Why hasn’t Kaladin mentioned this to you guys?? like?? oh, I guess he got his spanreed stolen, right? I just....... there’s a lot going on here, but there’s a certain amount of...maybe consider what the negotiations with the parshendi/parshmen/whatever they are now really are before you just...write them all off as evil?

Then again, these are Alethi lighteyes, who don’t really understand the concept of not generalizing a population they consider below themselves.

this is why the whole dudes not writing thing is ssooooooooo stupiiidddd. Kaladin can’t tell you guys ANYTHING unless he finds a nice lady to scribe for him. God, Vorinism is so stupid sometimes.

“Spark” is a good name for a spren tho, maybe she’s legit? I still don’t trust her. at all.

a flying bridgeman, Shallan, PLEASE

he’s a flying captain of the guard, at the very least.

nooo

NOOO

NO I DON’T WANT THIS

NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH FUCKING AMARAM THAT RAT BASTARD ALL THE TIME????? NOOO

NOOOOO

IALAI NO. YOU COULD HAVE JUST TAKEN OVER YOU’RE SMART ENOUGH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST HIGHPRINCESS AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWFUL BUT ALSO AWESOME BUT NO. NO YOU HAD TO JUST DRAG FUCKING AMARAM THAT RAT BASTARD INTO THIS.

I DON’T WANT THIS TAKE IT BACK, BRANDON.

“Highprince.” “Highprince.” “Bastard.” GOD BLESS ADOLIN, BOY WONDER.

oohhhhhh Adooolliinn. babe, you can’t just--okay. there is is. The Thing.

Shallan. “Oh.” UH HUH. OKAY THEN. SO MUCH FOR THAT SECRET though it wasn’t really a secret. just a miscommunication. but still. I sort of wish that Kaladin had been able to tell Shallan himself about Helaran--though, he still didn’t know it was Helaran.

But there would have been something satisfying in that being just...between the two of them. Them working that out and him probably apologizing and her probably not forgiving him and there would just be. delightful angst before they eventually decided to be friends. But Adolin telling her gives her time to prepare, I guess? for seeing Kaladin again? I still don’t think she’s going to forgive him which will make for veerryyy interesting dynamics when he returns.

Listen, I just really wanted Shallan to pull her Blade on Kaladin, and have him trying to avoid her attacks while apologizing a lot even though he was perfectly in his rights to defend his at-the-time commanding officer from a threat. That would have been delicious angst.

Hopefully she doesn’t hate Adolin for being the messenger, though...

“Everything would have been better off if he’d just let Amaram die.” TRUER WORDS, ADOLIN. tbh, how much do you think Kaladin thinks about that very exact same thought? The answer is: A FREAKING LOT

well, shit. destroying the Oathgate seems a reasonable option, but also it’s gonna make saving the world a heck of a lot harder...

I wonder...if they’d had literally anyone else do the negotiations, if this would be going differently. People know Dalinar, they know he’s the Blackthorn, or used to be, and they don’t know him well enough to know how much he’s changed. If the Blackthorn had come to me and been like, “yo, I want to open a portal to your city center and send you soldiers to help you rebuild” I would ALSO assume he was going to invade my city and try to conquer me and I would also refuse him. But like...if Shallan or someone completely unconnected had tried, I’d be a little more likely? to agree? Idk I feel like they are definitely being hindered by Dalinar’s reputation here.

Just don’t let Taravangian do it. Don’t let him do anything. Oh god.

“a unified Vorin coalition” OH GOOD NOW IT’S A RELIGIOUS WAR. or an Inquisition. Nobody expects the Vorin Inquisition.

I love that Dalinar just....knows how to do shit. Like, Kaladin and Shallan have been practicing and had training sessions with their spren to figure out their powers and even Lift is REALLY BAD at Friction, and Dalinar’s just like. Adhesion. Got it. No problem.

aaaAAAHHH Dalinar holding Oathbringer again and it’s...not screaming it’s whimpering and I’M. SAD. ABOUT A SWORD. DANGIT.

DON’T GIVE HIM THE SWORD. AMARAM DOESN’T DESERVE A SWORD. DON’T DO THAT

okay, but Amaram calling Dalinar a hypocrite is like... POTS AND KETTLES, MY DUDE.

Taravangian: “I sound like a madman, don’t I?” No, you sound like a man for whom the ends justify the means.

Here’s the thing: I see the practicality in Taravangian’s stance. There’s always a practicality in sacrificing a few good ones to get rid of all the bad ones. And yeah, Dalinar’s desire to always save all the good ones, even if it means sparing the bad ones, is just a tad idealistic. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Idealism is never something that we should give up on, is never something we should ignore or stop working towards. We shouldn’t always have to settle for practicality.

hoooo cool. The Stormfather can just...send Dalinar to other people in visions wth that’s really cool. Like a Kyprioth/Aly situation except the destination person knows they’re there.

“Shallan had nothing to do, but Veil was useful.” No, Shallan. You’re useful. You are Veil. It’s not. It’s not a different person. It’s just you adsfghjkl just. YOU’RE ALICE, PARKER. GOD.

“Veil liked watching people. She shared that with Shallan.” THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE THE SAME PERSON. YOU ARE ALICE.

omg, I love that Pattern just...brought both Kholin bros and all of Bridge Four.

“go do something stupid without letting me watch” OMG PATTERN, BBY.

I have missed Bridge Four, hello darlings

THEY’RE JOKING WITH RENARIN AND HE’S SMILING AND THEY’RE FRIENDS AND I’M SO HAPPY AAHH

THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVE THEM AAH

omg, I didn’t realize there was a staircase, I thought they were just going to be jumping into a void.

dear god, roshar has a Sisyphus equivalent that’s delightful.

sooo, I’m assuming that’s...Odium, Honor, and Cultivation in those mosaics? I’m genuinely amused that Shallan thinks they’re “pagan symbols”

Bridge Four took point even though there were two Shardbearers and an extra Radiant and MY BBYS I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

NOPE

NOPPPPPEEEE

NOOOOOOOOOOPPPEEEEE

DON’t DIE?

DON’T DIIIIIIEEEE

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS HORROR NOVEL SHIT

NOOOOPE

ADOLIN NO! YOU STORMING FOOL DO NOT CHARGE THE DARKNESS UNMADE EVIL THING WHAT THE FUCK NO

NOOO

I’M OUT

BYE

if any of Bridge Four die, so help me, I will drive back to Utah and yell at Brandon personally. To his face.

NOOOPPE THIS IS CREEEEPPY AS FUUUCKK WHAT THE NOPE

ooohh Renarin’s a good, he’s healing them, that’s my boy

okay, the illusory army is preTTY DANG COOL GET IT GIRL

but also the Unmade thing is freaking terrifying and I’m nope

...I’m assuming that since Dalinar saw nine shadows and the champion that there’s one Unmade for each of the ten orders of Radiants? LIke, this one, the Midnight Mother can be directly countered by Lightweaving. So maybe another one is designed to be defeated by Windrunners or Elsecallers or whatever. And it’s one for each?

I genuinely love that the new Radiant’s don’t call their swords Shardblades. It’s Sylblade, Glysblade, Patternblade. I love it.

“Adolin [...] charged into the room, bursting right through the middle of an illusion of his father.” Well, ain’t that just storming appropriate. How beautifully poetic.

also, Adolin and Renarin fighting back to back is A LOT AND I’M LOVE THEM

ooohh my god, it’s trying to bond with her?? trying to rip Pattern away and bond with her that’s... YIKES.

oohhh shit....corrupted creationspren. ooohhhh my god.

Odium, why you gotta ruin everything good in this world, you jerk

ooh...it was...bound. by a Lightweaver. bound like the Parshendi’s gods? like the parshmen? how are we binding people? I’m getting the idea that maybe binding people is bad.

I’m getting the idea that Ishar is bad. but that’s a theory for another time.

okay, so...the pashmen weren’t...going to Kholinar. they were going to a tiny city a week’s walk from Hearthstone...to...besiege it? why

what. is. happening.

also omg Kaladin’s never been to a real city, someone take this child on a sightseeing vacation, asap.

how...did they take the city and what...are they gonna do with it?? I’m all for giving them land and lives but I’m worried about stormform. and voidbringers. and a lot of things.

the parshmen calling him Kal is murdering my soul

oooh noooooooooo there’s a highstorm coming and the people are all outside and the parshmen are camping, and I...am worried.

Yixli? that’s a terrible name. though I guess she’s a questionably evil spren of odium, so.

Fused? okay, that’s a fun word for Stormform.

Kal, babe, you need to get out of there.

Ah. Good choice.

Syl whacking at the gloryspren and telling them “Mine!” about Kaladin is FRIKKIN ADORABLE HI I LOVE SYL

of course it’s all perception, Kaladin, everything is different if you change your point of view. That’s what makes being a person so difficult.

“Treat them better than they treated you.” AMEN. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY THINGS GET BETTER.

it’s hard and it sucks a lot, but it’s the only way.

oh shit

oh sHIT

what. dark stormlight? what the?

SHIT

THERE’S LIKE, THREE OF THEM?

okay, only two. buT STILL

Why can they do Lashings? do sotrmform voidbringers whatever the fuck they are have Radiant orders too? WHAT IS HAPPENING

“You can’t save all of them.” BUT HE’S DAMN WELL GOING TO TRY

HE’S SO GOOD

SO GOOD

WHAT

WHAT

THAT’S?? MAGICAL. WHAT. MAGIC WINDSPREN SHIELD????? CAN HE DO THIS NORMALLY OR IS THE STORMFATHER HELPING OR?? WHAT

omg, just...deposit him in front of Urithiru. That’s convenient. Why thanks.

YAAAASSSS

SHE’S HERE!!!!!

SHE’S BACK!!!!!!!!!

SHE’S HEEERRRREEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEESSSSSS

me: can I squeeze the interludes onto this part of liveblog? also me: *scrolls up to the top of this post forever me: Maaayyybe not.

[scuttleboat]

Do you like Echo? I really want to now that she's a regular but I can't shake my wariness of her. It seems like she's constantly in the antagonistic role for our mains, but then she'll look sad for like 2secs and people will feel bad for her. But I don't. Do you feel me? Im open to her changing and growing with the spacekru, and I hope I like her character next season. But as of right now I don't understand the fascination some people seem to have of her.

An Egregiously Extensive Echo Essay

I’m gonna throw this wild analogy at you: Echo kom Azgeda is James Bond.

She is a dangerous, beautiful, ruthlessly loyal spy. She serves the queen (or king) and has to kill a lot of people. Fanatically loyal, always gets the job done. She gets captured, she makes allies, she lies to people, she gets friendly with the enemy and then later has to fight them or kill them to save her country.

bad difference: she doesn’t get to have smokin’ sex with the enemy officer (yet)

good difference: she feels actual, on-screen, sincere regret and anguish for deaths that she knows are necessary for her people but will nonetheless cause pain to someone she respects. I don’t think I’d personally seen a movie with genuine anguish from James Bond until Casion Royale came out.

So James Bond is a superhero if you’re British, but if you’re Russian or Communist or you work for a well-paying criminal mastermind, he’s basically like a horrific monster who kills your friends and blows up your factory and keeps your homeland from winning the cold war either militarily or economically. Either way, a loyal killer lapdog of the monarchy.

That’s Echo. If you look at where she’s coming from, even the fact that Bellamy helped her once isn’t enough to counteract the belief from her people and her queen that the Sky People represent an extreme danger to the clans and to Ice Nation. So they betray Lexa (who they see as an unfit conqueror anyway), and take out the enemy stronghold (Mt. Weather). To do that, Echo lies to a man who helped her once and saved her life. Yes, it’s a cruel and terrible thing to do.  Yes, he’d be in his rights to hate her forever. But that doesn’t make Echo any less of a hero to her people.

((sorry this is getting long, so…. behind the cut))

The way I see The 100, the show goes to extreme lengths to show that everyone has motivations for evil acts. Most of the time, those motives start out “good” (such as self-defense, protection of community, stopping cruelty).  In a few cases, it becomes evil when A) the harm done so vastly counterbalances any possible rational good (Dante), B) when someone is just a total sadist (Cage), or C) when ego and neglect and vanity cause the literal apocalypse (Becca/ALIE). Echo does not meet the standards of either A, B, or C. None of the major Grounder characters do (maaaaaybe Luna? !SQUIRREL!).  Anyway, Echo, like our main characters Clarke, Bellamy, Kane, Jaha, etc… she’s done terrible things to protect and serve her people.  I don’t hate or even dislike her character for that. She just is a character in this universe. And I certainly adore Bellarke, who have done as bad or worse than Echo for the same reason, so I can’t point fingers on the whole military actions thing.

We didn’t get to really know Echo until this season, and I think the show tried hard to put a lot of character building in while not forgetting about what they’d used her for in the past. They did an… adequate job. There’s definitely stuff that could have been handled in a smoother or more complex manner, but at the end of the season I’m generally satisfied with how they brought her into the regular cast. Weak episodes aside, there were several of her scenes I liked, and plenty of points at which I felt sympathy for her, just as you mention in your ask.  

The biggest thing I had wrt Echo going into season 4 was “How is her relationship with Bellamy going to be handled?”  Because I stan that guy, and she did him dirty. She did him as badly as Lexa did Clarke, except no one was there to intervene and save the sky people this time. I was pretty frustrated with their dynamic in the first half of s4, especially 401, because I thought their scenes really underplayed the anger that Bellamy ought to have been feeling.  And then again in 405, their pivotal conversation didn’t feel successfully dramatic to me because I was just asking “WHEN IS BELLAMY GOING TO BE MAD ABOUT STUFF?” Like, Echo was a pivotal agent in a plot that got his friends and lover killed, she lured him into a potential bloodbath to disrupt a peace summit, she held a sword to Clarke’s throat, she mortally injured Octavia, and she advocated for war with Skaikru. Even if Echo was just protecting her own nation, it’s incomprehensible that Bellamy wouldn’t be angry that she used their past shared trauma to personally manipulate him. And then like, basically assassinated his sister.

For most of s4, I was like “????????” about how this was going, but that was more about Bellamy>>Echo than about Echo the character. Luckily, 410 went a LONG way to fix that for me. In 410, we finally saw Bellamy’s rage. I normally am not here for guys choking women on TV but in this unique case it felt really earned as a climactic fight. He almost kills her the same way they killed Lovejoy, the same way Murphy and then ChippedKane almost killed him. I cheered cause WOOOO DRAMA.Bellamy found out Echo was interfering and would try to assassinate his sister AGAIN, so he tried to kill her and his violence took on a form that is indicative of his lessons on the ground. We saw him finally let out that rage that was suppressed during their earlier encounters.

I’m glad he didn’t kill her, and she didn’t kill him, but I think they needed to come close. They needed that release, so the real forgiveness could come. We’ve seen Bellamy forgive–or at least live with–the people who tried to kill him or his loved ones before (Pike, Murphy, Jaha, Kane). Bellamy at his heart is a loving person who is damaged by anger, not made strong by it. Forgiving Echo at least enough to help her survive is absolutely in character for him at this point in the story. That’s what makes him a heroic protagonist. Being a protector is a core trait for both him and Clarke, and part of why they’re ultimately so compatible.  Does that mean Bellamy could fall for Echo? Ehhh… They’re in a fairly unique situation and I wouldn’t take sex off the table. I think a delicate strange friendship will come about. But I highly doubt he’d actually fall in love with her. If I was shipping them, that’s a really complex dynamic to write a ton of fanfic about. As I’m not, I don’t care.

“Do you feel me? Im open to her changing and growing with the spacekru”

Anon, I have to say that nope, i do not feel you on this. Specifically, I don’t think she has to “change” if ‘change’ means to go from being a bad person to a good person. From the POV of her journey, she did the right thing by her people every step of the way until 410. The conclave was the first time she went outside her orders and did a dishonorable thing to save her people. Ironically, the Skaikru did the exact same thing that very same evening. A lot of people cheated at that event. But why it mattered to Echo’s character is that honor was the heart of her story–and it was honorable, to her mind, to kill in defense of her nation in s3 and s4. But when she let her fear and distrust drive her to break the rules of this (totally outrageous fucking bonkers) murder game, she violated her own honor. Roan came down hard on her for that, because Roan happens to care a lot about honor when it comes to fighting, I guess. Echo went too far in 410–just as Clarke and Jaha and Miller did. Just as Bellamy has before, as Lexa has before. She was punished for it, essentially ordered to die in a few days time.

I don’t look at Echo’s character and see a bad person who needs to learn to care about things–Echo clearly cared about a fucking LOT. It just wasn’t what our mains cared about. Echo did have to learn a lesson about when to have restraint, but then that’s what everyone on the show has had to learn. Other than that, her being in a antagonist role has been entirely a function of plot on the show. The plot was that she worked for the enemy. Otherwise, she is pretty similar to our heroes, only taller. 

We did see, at several points this season, that Echo’s fierce loyalty to Roan and the Ice Nation caused her anguish when it came to betraying Bellamy. She was fully aware of what he’d done for her, and that between them personally he didn’t deserve to be so horrifically betrayed. To be a little callous, that’s more genuine visible remorse than we ever saw from Lexa or Pike or–check this out–Emori. As a viewer, I feel like we’ve been given enough material to see her position and to understand where she comes from. I’m content with her being in the main group. I think she’s one more interesting person in a mix of interesting characters who are trapped together in space.

I mean, I may have a bad reaction if we have to SEE her make out with Bellamy. Like, I hope I don’t have to see that. Otherwise, I’m cool with her on the show. I feel bad when she makes a face like a kicked puppy. I think making deep and meaningful connections with people outside her clan will enrich her as a character.