#Omg my meds I almost forgot

[dinoswithswords]

IVE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TI FINISH BOOK 6 OF HEAVEN’S OFFICIAL BLESSING aAND I AM IN TEARS THE LAST CHAPTERS ARE THE MOST HEART WRENCHING GUT CRUSHING CHAPTERS IVE EVER READ OMG I HAVENT BEEN THROUGH SUCH AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER SINCE 5TH GRADE

I want to say that I’m speechless but I have so much to say I just don’t know how so I’m just going to scream or something

[bonestrouslingbones]

with how much stupid bullshit my body's been doing lately i have found that its really easy to find some things really funny that so so obviously aren't meant to be funny at all. im listening to a song rn that could not be more clearly about drug addiction / anti-medication something or other but one of the lines is like "[take this pill] and your heartbeat won't be based on the weather" and my dysautonomia-having ass is sitting here doing grabby hands

[arcsimper5]

Hey sweetie 😘

I'd like to request a ficlet for your follower celebration!!!

I accidently left the post in my drafts and forgot about it. I'm so sorry 😅

May I request a Fives x Fem!Reader with Prompt #10: "I'd thought I'd lost you"? I'm feeling a little angsty. Write whatever your heart comes up with!

Please and thank you 💚

@the-bad-batch-baroness

Hey! omg I'd love to! Thank you so much for this request! I hope it is what you are looking for!

Fives x Fem!Reader Rating: U (mild swearing) Angst with lots of fluff and Fives being very worried!

Five's mind was racing. Even though he was on the way back from the, thankfully short, mission on Cato Neimoidia, he was a bundle of nerves.

He had been since the news of the explosion at the Jedi Temple.

Unable to contact General Skywalker or Commander Tano for any updates, he'd thrown himself into battle, earning himself a new scar on his neck and the ire of Rex, the Captain eventually pulling Fives from the frontlines and ordering him to cover their flank. It was too dangerous to have him out there in his state.

He couldn't focus, couldn't think of anything other than you. Your comm had remained unanswered since the blast, Five's stomach churning at the thought you might have been caught up in it.

You'd been assigned a new group of trainees only last week, the pride in your voice at being able to mentor the newest batch almost palpable during your last holo.

Promises of dinners, of trips out and of nights in had passed between the two of you before Fives had been called away to rejoin with the 501st for the next few missions.

It was only two days later the blast happened.

Approaching Coruscant airspace, Fives knee bounced impatiently as he sat with his elbows on his thighs, hands clenched together under his chin.

So many thoughts clouded his mind, he didn't even notice Tup approaching him until he was stood right beside him, the ARC cursing softly and jumping.

"Maker, Tup, wear a bell or something," he snapped, the look on the younger trooper's face enough to chatise him without words. Sighing heavily and sitting up straight, wincing at the protesting muscles in his back, Fives sighed and shook his head, offering Tup an apologetic look. "I'm... I'm sorry, Tup'ika. I'm just... worried," he admitted, fighting the stinging in his eyes.

He wouldn't believe you were dead. He couldn't. There was no losing you. If he did...

"She's probably in med bay," Tup offered quietly, cautiously taking a seat next to Fives, one hand resting on his shoulder, "you know how the medics are about comms there."

Fives nodded for a moment before his breath caught, the cracks in the dam holding his emotions beginning to widen.

"But... what if she's not?" he asked desperately, ignoring the way his chest felt like it was being torn apart from the inside. "What if... what if she was one of the... if she was caught up in the blast? I..."

Images of your beautiful face, too still, too pale, blood haloed around your head swam through his mind.

He paused for a moment, trying to drag his composure back into place, even as tears slid down his face.

"I can't lose her... outside of you and my vode... she's... she's the reason I keep fighting. To end this war... so I can have a life with her... have a family... I..."

Tup leant forward and pressed his forehead to Fives. trying to convey comfort through the simple action as the ARC cried silent tears, mourning a life he might never see.

"She'll be fine," Tup murmured gently, nudging Five's knee with his own. "You'll see. I can feel it."

Fives almost let out a snort of laughter, blinking away the tears long enough to fix Tup with an incredulous look.

"You've been hanging around the Jetti too much, Tup'ika."

The younger clone simply smiled as he pulled away, the alarms signalling their docking approach sounding throughout the ship.

Gathering his things, Fives bid a quick goodbye to Rex and his vode, heading straight for the exit ramp.

Plans for their arrival were already running through his mind; he would go to the medbay first, the one on the top level. It would make sense if you were there. If not, then he'd...

All of his planning stopped dead when the ramp descended and he caught sight of you, smiling weakly, leaning on crutches with bandages around one leg and your chest.

The air was torn from his lungs when his brain finally caught up, dropping his bags on the spot and rushing over to your, hands fluttering over every inch of your body, as if checking it was all still there.

"M-Mesh'la," Fives sobbed, all pretense of holding back emotion gone. You were here... you were alive... "I... I thought I'd lost you..."

His hands were clutching at your clothes tightly now, Rex ushering his vode away as they descended behind him, Tup watching on as Fives pressed his face into your neck.

You raised your hands, gently cording them through Five's hair, holding him close as you relished his presence, his warmth, his scent.

"It was close," you chuckled softly, trying not to laugh at the disapproving grunt Fives let out, "but we made it out okay. We were leaving for lunch when..."

"Never, ever do that to me again," Fives demanded as he pulled back, eyes swollen with tears, cheeks shining. Even with his sternest look in place, you struggled not to giggle.

"Do what? Get caught up in a terrorist attack? I'll make sure to add it to my daily to-do," you teased, Fives fighting his own grin.

"Fuck, mesh'la," he breathed, ignoring the world around him as he pressed his lips against yours, pure relief flowing through him, "I was so scared..."

"Hey," you called gently, stroking his hair, pulling his eyes back up to yours, "we're here. We're together, and we're safe. That's all that matters right now."

Fives could only nod as he kissed you again, hands holding you close. You'd be okay together, he knew it. You were okay.

@the-bad-batch-baroness

I hope this is okay! <3

[kibbits]

Hey it’s been a while! Lot of stuff happened, new meds, got my very first apartment (750, Trash, Water, Electricity, with WiFi included, I don’t know how I got that lucky), but I’m back to bother you with new questions. And combining it with a shared favorite, GITM! How do you think your BAL boys would work in the mansion? I know they’d probably get along best with Fool, but what’s your take?

Hi hi hello I missed you!! Omg that is. Such a good price HELL yeah! I'm glad you're doing good!! Oh boy I. Really need to continue reading GITM again fjddj (got stuck wanting to make art at chapter 5)

Hi. It is a few hours later, and I have read up to chapter 9 djdhdh

OK! Answer might change in the future when I get to know the denizens of the Mill more, but without further ado–

Well! First of all, I think it would be more interesting if they're in the midway point of their journey? And I feel like it'd be interesting if they were stuck (more like an intentional thing by Fazco techs) as Sun physically, with Moon able to pipe in as usual.

Some hard boundaries were set in place - the dynamic duo CANNOT be manhandling old man Harry JDJFJDD they Almost do it ONCE, and they develop a healthy respect for Sunspot after the stern talking-to it gets them

Help, I'm thinking too hard about this

I even made a list of possible names for them fjdbdbd

Soliloquy, Thespian, Chorus, Shakespear, Gemini (Castor and Pollux, the twin stars fjdbd), Jekyll and Hyde, Charming

I feel like they'd get a bunch of nicknames

Anyway!

I feel like they'd get along with Fool best, you're so right! Theatrical, and very playful, though maybe a little less disrespectful and debonaire than Fool tends to be fjfjfj Fool would prob call them something like Charming because of Sun's prince charming tendencies

Also they are in direct competition with Fool for draping their big coat on Cricket's shoulders pff

They'd get along with Misuta also, though I feel like it might get a little strained at times with them stuck in Sun mode (you know why... Sun theater bot) and a little more restless?

They would get along with Soleil for exactly as long as it takes for Sol to realize that Moon is almost always online, and then they would not get along at all, oh boy. Well, I say that, but it's more like Sol would try and convince Sun to do without his counterpart (impossible, they're not quite an Eclipse but not quite two people) , and the boys would think it's all in good fun to trade elaborate insults with Soleil. Who I feel calls them something like Jekyll and Hyde from then on pff

I think I've settled on Soliloquy (so-lil-o-kwee), ironically nicknamed Solo.

I love the idea that sometimes they're called the Twins pfff

Face and Heel. Heads or Tails ehehe

Oh! Almost forgot the Cricket nickname! I was thinking muse, but that's too cliché. I think they catch them moving to their tunes in the basement and call them "jitterbug" <3

On a more angsty note, they spent a lot of time in complete isolation, so they probably get overstimulated easily, and a little manic as a result, oop. Like a lot of the bots, they would probably be confined to the Mill itself.

Sun will intentionally try to let Moon control their body. It doesn't work quite as well and still looks like Sun visually, but it kind of gives an uncanny 'puppet' vibe to their movements. It makes Moon much less dangerous - poor guy can't get fine movements quite right

Anyway thank you so much for your ask Starry!!

[n0th1ng-stays]

I was like man I feeling really distracted today and just not focused and OMG I forgot my ADHD meds. It's almost noon. Fuckin hell.

[francis-writes]

The Corinthian x reader with borderline

Just some self-indulgent stuff because times are tough and I need comfort

You told him about your personality disorder at the beginning of your relationship because you wanted him to know what he's getting into and to understand better some of your moods and behaviours. Honestly, you were hesitating if you should tell him - you were scared that Corinthian will leave you once he will know about all yout problems but to your relief, he didn't just stay with you - he turned out to be a very supportive boyfriend.

He doesn't mind if his partner has a personality disorder or mental illness, even those that society views as "dangerous" or "worse" - after all, who can understand better than him that we can't choose who we were born as or what our parents gave us?

He tries to reply fast to your messages (if he's not currently busy with idk murdering someone) so you don't stress over the lack of answer

(Idk about you but when my favourite person doesn't reply quickly, I become incredibly paranoid like omg they must hate me)

He doesn't mind repeating you for another time that they love you and you are important to them whenever you need a confirmation of their feelings. Corinthian doesn't stop on his words - he actually proves you everyday with his actions that his affection is real and strong.

He doesn't let these awful voices in your head insult you, Corinthian comforts you when you're feeling terrible and hate yourself and he reminds you about all amazing things he loves in you (when it comes to physical traits, he's ready to kiss all the things you consider your "flaws" and he finds them turning him on)

Reminds you about taking your medicine (if you're like me and almost everyday wonder why you feel like shit until you realize you again forgot about meds) and forces you you to take care of yourself: eat regular and healthy meals (he can take you to a bar or cook for you if you aren't able to make yourself food), drink water and have enough sleep.

If you're hypersexual, it just fits him perfectly, because as we all saw, Corinthian loves to taste people in every possible way.

I can't tell if he can stop you from making impulsive decisions - considering fact that he's a serial killer, he may not be a specialist in matters of safety and responsible behaviour. But he protected Jed from serial killers so lets say he's aware where lies the border of accectable actions and he doesn't let you cross it.

Corinthian can't be with you all the time but he takes you on his trips so you don't have to separate for long when he's looking for a new victims.

If he isn't out, murdering someone, he will eagerly lay in bed with you and watch some movies or reality shows to relax. Or - depending on how you're feeling - he can go to club with you. He likes to party and has an undeniable charm. Corinthian knows what impression he makes on people but it's only you that counts for him and he doesn't let you forget that.

If you're drinking, he makes sure you won't do anything risky and he helps you safely come home.

Corinthian sometimes stop you when you're buying too much unnecesary things, but more often he just pays for your shopping. He has a lot of money so why wouldn't he spoil you?

When you have su*cide thoughts, Corinthian stays by your side and tells you that right now, you're tired, and you want to end it all and just feel nothing but he promises you, it will get better, there will come better days - and actually whatever happens, he will stay by your side

[the1975attheirverybest]

Glad to hear I wasn’t ignored 😭 I always feel a certain degree of guilt when sending in concepts because there’s always a lingering fear of “what if she doesn’t want to talk about this”

but here’s the concept from earlier! ;

My knee has been really acting up these last few days and I’ve been thinking about what Matty would be like if you had some kind of chronic pain.

Like I can just picture him constantly offering to give massages and filling hot water bottle. Constantly researching new methods of pain relief for you to try. He definitely feels really bad and enforces a couch day whenever he can, literally doesn’t let you leave the couch and will do absolutely everything for you

-♥️

Nooo, I would never ever ignore a message!!! And, the only request I’ve ever been uncomfortable writing about or discussing or anything was one where it was Matty relapsing. Just felt like it was crossing a line. Other than that….I’m okay with talking about anything, but if anything else ever comes up that makes me uncomfortable I’d def let you guys know instead of leaving you hanging haha.

BUT YESSSS OMG. He’d be so cute and sweet. Like if you have a bad pain day, he’d been watching you like a hawk all day. Sitting next to you on the couch. Handing you things. Even if they’re like inches away from you. Like the remote control or your glass of water that he’d brought you or whatever. Then, he’d get in the zone, on his laptop. He hasn’t said a word to you in a bit. So, you assume he’s working, but like 2 hours later, he’s like “baby?”

And it startles you. You look at him “what is it, darlin. You’ve been quiet for so long I almost forgot you were here.”

He’s got a serious look on his face. “This won’t cure you completely, but it will help manage your pain. I’ve found this doctor in London who’s a specialist in this kind of treatment. Only 4 people in all of Europe even know how to do it. Want me to make some calls?”

And it melts your heart that he’s constantly thinking about and trying to find new ways of helping your pain and being supportive. Like, he’s always staying up late with you, if you have a bad flare up and can’t sleep cuz he doesn’t want you to be both in pain AND alone. He’s always keeping track of any meds you might need. He’ll be like “with all due respect, my love, do we really think those heels are a good idea? You’ve been in a lot of pain lately, seems risky.”

And you’re like “there’s no ‘we’ here, Matty. I’m the one who has to walk in them.”

“And I’m the one who’s heart shreds every time you wince, so, there absolutely is a ‘we.’”

You just laugh and shake your head.

“When’re you gonna get it through your stubborn head, hmm?” He kisses you. “Your pain is my pain. I’m THAT in love with you, it’s actually pathetic.”

[nixierain]

Vent post. You don't have to read

I wanna talk about random fucked up mental shit Bruh, I've been stuck in a kinshift for like really long... There are still probably several differnt voices in my head... I wish it was ones I knew... I kinda miss the other voices back in my head from 7th grade because they were SO much nicer... Except Darkness, hes a bitch. But Death, Olive, Melody and Ruby were actually nice enough. Some of them were sadistic, but still. Speaking of sadism, I just randomly get sadistic... And like one second I'll be A ok, the next I'm a fucking mess thats spiraling... I mean I guess thats BPD for you, it still suck though OH and the "Seeing and hearing things others cant see"... They've FINALLY gotten a bit better die to my meds... But when they do come around, it seems more vivid than eariler. I mean I like the aditory ones, those are like pretty music now, but the notifactations and (rarely) voices confuse me and cause anxiety. I've alwasy had these kinds of things I guess... I remember when I was little I used to hear scratching on my window when nothing was there. UGH Everyone calls me Schizophrenic. I HATE it, sure I'm delusional as fuck and "See and hear things others cant" Shit... Forgot what I was gonna say... Well see if I can remember it

Ha, my meds are working a little too well, to the point where my depression and everything is masked to myself, underneith this fake facade I've put up, I still am depressed as fuck, it shows in my drawings and writing.

I've had two identity crisis's in the past not even a year, and I've lost touch with myself more than that, not to mention the unreality episodes. At this point, disconnecting from reality is one of my HORRIBLE coping mechanisms...

This is weird, but I'm starting to HATE summer Vacation cause its SOOO fucking boring, I dont have anything to do all day, so I'm just sitting around. Funny thing is that boredom triggers my depression and causes me to fall back into suicidal ideation and more unmotivation, and like everything.

Ugh, I'm not looking forward to high school at my district, cause middle school almost killed me...But I wont be bored hopefully and people wont harass me more... And if they do, hopefully the school will do shit about it. Ha.... Middle school sucked... Lots of trauma.. And now I have tics, it sucks. I also accedentally pushed people I loved away because of my affection styles and overclinging. I do this out of care and the fear of being abandonded. My therapist says my fear of abandonment isnt irrational, cause there are deep roots trauma that caused it, she just says that I go to extremes.

HAHAHA I'm going insane... No one will see me as the gender I identify as, or the name, I'm stuck being a girl named .... Omg this is long

I wish I could just turn off whats left of my emotions, or have better control over them.

Oh don't even get me started on my damn religion, that... thats intresting.... But I think I have a soulbond or smth with my guardian spirit (I think he's my guardian spirit) cause if someone asks a question to him, I just blurt out the answer. Though Raven's chill, he's cool and very nice, probably the second nicest entity in my room (Second to Will)

Its kinda funny though, I have a personality disorder, a mood disorder and a language/communication disorder. I'm a whole package... Just not neurodivergent. But don't worry, I'll be ok... I hope

Yeah I'm cutting myself off here

[worldwright]

Good evening I hate my life

What a great way to start this today

I can't take ibuprofen anymore because of my new antidepressant that's fucking mint flavored. Almost threw up because of the taste this morning 👍👍👍

It's more than just ibuprofen, I can't take any meds that fluidify blood now, so I'm pretty much fucked because my life is just about getting headaches ;-; so now I fully relying on tea

Yay

As if I didn't have it hard enough T-T If those meds don't fucking work on me, that's it, I'll quit, because waiting has been proven not working AND TO SAY THAT MONDAY I FELT NOT THAT BAD

*looks around and approaches you to whisper* i had a fanfic writer im used to kudo going in my dms because i tagged her and she said that i'm a fabulous writer and ive been keeping myself from crying of joy ever since

Anyway, I'll try not to bite the nurse I'm seeing tomorrow from the place where I got my psychiatrist from, because all of them are dumb and she's the one who did the bare minimum

Have a wonderful morning !

omggggg omg validation from an artist you like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ the best feeling EVER

that suuuuuccckkkksss about painkillers ughhhh

I keep being very impatient for my yarn to arrive especially considering. I do not have a pattern LMAO. once I get it like. I don't have a plan. I gotta just get out my big roll of paper and sketch out my design full-size, since I've never done crocheting with a pattern before and I probably wouldn't be able to use one very well.

also I did ✨️not✨️ do chores last night, I forgot about my other d&d game, and everyone knows that it's completely impossible to do anything productive if you ONLY have 2.5 hours. obviously

ugh I hate my ADHD-ass brain

anyway tonight is kitty meds pickup and laundry day. laundry is nice bc I have time to watch stuff in between tasks 👍👍

having fun with my d&d character cuz my dude Definitely needs a cane. so I get to find one for him :333333 he can't keep using his spear as a mobility aid forever LMAO

I have conventions soonnnnnnnnnnnnn I gotta figure out my outfitttttt aaaaaaaaaaa

I have most of a witch hat atelier cloak done. might just go with that, it's comfy

I'm seeing my partner on Friday!!!!!! excited excited excited

hope you have some tasty tea or snacks this evening!!!!

[pumpkin-stars]

I forgot to take my happy meds this morning and I'm anemic af so I've been dizzy and lightheaded all day and I just busted a nut so hard that I almost fully passed out. That's all. 🗡

Oh wowwwwww pls stay hydrated and look after yourself omg

[barbiewritesstuff]

Church Encounters: Chapter 17

-- OMG I have been so excited for this chapter y'all have no idea!!! Also sorry this one is like 11k words again, oops

ALSO We will be taking a small hiatus til the 4th of October so we won't post Church Encounters for a while but pinky promise there will be more chapters in the future!!

This fic was written in collabpration with @lgg5989 who will be posting this to her AO3 and her tumblr! She also made the lovely moodboard below!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated and we take blurb requests!

Previous Part

Taglist: @acarboni21 @unsurebuttrying @dempy @peaches-1998 @bbooks-and-teas @roosterscock @positivelyholland --

Jake’s hand had been killing him for a few days now, ever since your vigorous activities on Saturday night. He had gone to the med bay on base, and to his humiliation had to explain to the nurse how punching a wall had split one knuckle and bruised the rest. Not even the good Lord could save him from the blush that spread up his cheeks when the nurse realised that he had put his fist through the drywall during a rather pleasurable encounter with his wife. 

“Well you haven’t broken anything Lieutenant Commander, but in the future I would try to…um…restrain yourself from fighting anymore drywall,” she said, a knowing smile on her face. She was a little older, probably around his mother’s age, and she almost teased him about how he was injured, something he found rather funny. The other nurses in the ward had been damn near fighting over who would get to attend to him, but she had picked the file off the stack and sent them scurrying away with a loud barrage of disappointed sighs. 

“Yes, ma’am. Am I going to be grounded?” he asked, looking at her nervously. Their team had just been tasked with a new mission, and he didn’t want to risk sending them out without him. 

“I don’t think so, just keep icing it like you have been and it’ll be good as new in about a week or so. I would advise against participating in any other strenuous activities for the next few weeks though, we wouldn’t want you to reinjure it,” she finished, handing him a cool ice pack to place on his hand. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Jake said as he stood from the examination table giving her a small smile before exiting the office. 

Pulling his phone out, he scrolled through the contacts until he came across Bob’s. Clicking the call button, he brought the phone up to his ear, waiting on Bob to pick up. 

“Hello?” his voice said, sounding a bit out of breath. 

“Hey,” Jake said, “I was wondering if I could have some help with something this weekend?” he asked. 

“Sure, what’s up?” Bob asked, his words broken up by sharp pants. 

“You good man?” Jake asked, concerned. 

Bob let out a breathless laugh, “Yeah, Phoenix is kicking my ass, treadmill is at like a seven incline step.”  

“Alright I’ll be quick then. I…um…I put a hole in the wall in my living room, and I’ve injured my hand…I need someone to help me patch it. Can you come by on Friday evening, say around dinnertime? Y/n’s making some kind of pasta dish, you can join us.”

“Sounds good, I’ll be there,” Bob said, “Got to go.” 

“Don’t let her beat you too bad Bobby,” Jake said, laughing a bit before hanging up the phone. 

Friday night came sooner than Jake anticipated, and he had forgotten to stop and pick up the materials he and Bob were going to need to fix the wall. By the time he pulled his truck into the driveway, Bob’s Astra was parked on the street, and the sun was beginning to set. 

Walking inside, he called out, “Sorry I’m late, I forgot to get the damn supplies to fix the wall.” 

“That’s alright,” Bob called back, “Y/n is trying to teach me how to cook, I don’t know how well I’m doing.” 

“You’re doing great,” you said with a smile, patting Bob on the back as he stood over the stove, “And how are you doing my dear, injured husband?” you inquired, stepping in front of Jake to take his lunch box and press a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m alright, hand is feeling less sore so that’s good,” he said, smiling down at you and brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. 

“How did you injure your hand?” Bob asked from his place at the stove.

You tried to hold back your laugh as you watched Jake flounder at the question, “Well, I…um…I was coming in and tripped, yeah, I tripped and my hand went through the wall,” he said, unconvincingly. 

Bob looked at Jake, took a step to look at the wall in question, and then looked back at Jake, “Suuuure you did,” he said with a laugh.

Jake could feel the embarrassed blush from earlier come over his face, and before he could restrain himself he said, “Hey, I can’t be held responsible for what my hot wife does to me.” 

Bob let out a groan, “Never mind, I don’t want to know what happened. As far as I’m concerned you closed your hand in the door of your truck or something.” 

The three of you had a nice dinner before Jake and Bob set about patching the wall. Jake looked on as Bob screwed in a small piece of wood before fitting in a new panel of drywall that they cut to fit the fist sized hole. Finally finishing it with some fast curing drywall putty, the men waited an hour before digging the can of paint from the basement and rolling a coat over the new section of wall. I looked great, and you couldn’t even tell where the hole had been. 

“Damn Bob, you’re practically a professional,” Jake said, impressed at the WSO’s home project abilities. 

“Yeah, I had a lot of practice,” Bob said, “I used to work a construction job in high school, making extra money for mom to use on groceries,” he let out a small laugh before continuing, “That’s actually where my callsign comes from, I’m Bob the builder,” he finished laughing at the surprised look that came over Jake’s face. 

“So not Baby On Board then?” Jake asked him, his face red with laughter. 

“Definitely not,” Bob replied, “Maybe one day though.” 

“Bob, that's my sister you’re talking about!” Jake said, slapping the man on the back of the head with his good hand, “Besides, the two of you aren’t even married yet, you can’t be thinking shit like that.” 

“Tell me you didn’t and I’ll stop,” Bob said, raising one eyebrow at Jake before looking back at the wall they just finished painting. 

Jake let out a sigh, grumbling something under his breath as he turned around and picked up the gallon of paint, bringing it out to the garage. Bob just laughed, he was going to be in so much trouble if Jake ever found out how far he had toed the line with Maria. 

---

Jake had been working on the room you had decided would be the nursery. The two of you had been talking about having a baby for a few months and with your family’s history of having trouble conceiving, you had decided to try sooner than originally planned, figuring that you were unlikely to get pregnant on the first go anyway.  

You walked into the nursery, dressed in a casual jersey dress, feeling a little down.He stepped away from the crib he was putting together and pulled you into his arms, “Hello, maybe-momma.” 

“Hi there, almost-daddy,” you said back, laughing a little at the different versions of future mom he had been calling you, “How’s it coming?” 

“As well as expected, what man has ever read the directions,” he stated playfully, winking at you before pressing a kiss to your lips, “How about you? Any good news?” 

You frowned, producing the pregnancy test from behind your back, “No, still negative.” 

Jake pulled you to him in a hug, “It’ll happen baby, don’t worry. God will bless us when he thinks we are ready.” 

You nodded, the disappointment still cutting deeply into your heart. It didn’t help that you had been feeling strange for weeks now, with a weird assortment of symptoms that you had tried to google. Doctor Internet was as unhelpful as ever, telling you there were only three possible causes for your sudden bouts of sickness: pregnancy, cancer, or the flu. You could scratch off pregnancy as every test you had taken came back negative, which left only two things on Google’s list and a few thousands on your own list of completely ordinary causes for your aches and pains.

“I think I need to see a dentist,” you said, “I keep tasting blood.”

“It could just be working out,” Jake offered, trying to ease your worries. He knew how much you hated the dentist and how much losing or damaging your teeth freaked you out. 

Besides, they weren’t empty reassurances, it was well known that working out could cause a metallic taste in the mouth. Jake vaguely remembered his biology teacher explaining that a very high pressure of blood moving into a person’s lungs through their membranous tissues could make someone taste blood although he couldn’t for the life of him remember why. You had just started a new workout regimen, helped by Phoenix who was known amongst the squad for going hard at the gym. Your body simply wasn’t used to the new intensity. 

You nodded, ready to accept that as the answer when the alternative was so frightening to you.

“Or,” Jake said carefully, not wanting to hurt you any more than necessary, “It could be your monthlies…”

You sighed, on the verge of tears. Jake knew how much you had come to dread it, but it was undeniably going to happen at some point.

“I know honey,” he said, pulling you close to him in a comforting hug, “But we can’t deny it, yeah? You’ve been having hot flushes, you feel dizzy, you’ve been… emotional,” he explained

“And sleepy,” you added, nuzzling into his chest in the hopes that the fabric of his shirt would sponge up any tears should they fall, “You’re probably right,” you whispered, “It’s just periods.”

“I’m sorry honey,” 

“No, it’s fine. We expected this. We knew it would take a while,” you replied, rubbing your eyes and giving him a sad smile, “The Lord will bless us when we’re ready,” you repeated back to him, patting his chest before turning around and leaving for the kitchen.

You dropped a pod of Jake’s favourite coffee into the machine and pressed pour, fitting a large mug underneath the spout. Jake was right, periods would explain a lot of your symptoms but there were a couple you just couldn’t explain away. You couldn’t for the life of you find a satisfactory explanation as to why you were always so damn itchy, or why you suddenly got so clumsy, or why you kept getting nosebleeds, or even why you were getting strangely vivid dreams. But strangest of them all was your sudden and very acute disgust at the mere concept of coffee.

---

Lizzie: You free next week? Beau is taking the kids out and we need to catch up. I want to see the pictures from your honeymoon.

Jake’s out of the house next Saturday, I can make lunch? You texted back, excited at the prospect of seeing Elisabeth again. 

You had seen Beau at work since your return but his wife had remained elusive. She was always so busy running around taking care of the kids, organising meal trains for people around the parish and otherwise volunteering her services as a birth doula to mothers who couldn’t afford it. 

Lizzie: Perfect! Looking forward to it!

You immediately set to work, leaving the house to buy ingredients. When you came home an hour later you placed a pot on the hob, tipping in two litres of water and adding salt, sugar, saltpetre, a cinnamon stick, mustard seeds, peppercorns, cloves, allspice, juniper berries, bay leaves and ginger. You let it cook on high until the sugar dissolved, then, you removed it from the heat and stirred in some ice before checking the temperature. Once at the desired 7C, you placed your two kilo beef brisket into a bag and filled it with the brine, covering the meat, sealing it well and putting it into the refrigerator where it would stay for the next ten days. 

Once Saturday came around you removed the brisket from the bag and rinsed it under cool water. You placed it into a large pot, adding onions, carrots and celery and covered with water. After boiling it, you reduced the temperature from high to low and left it to simmer for three hours. 

You cut a few slices to test, making them thin enough to place on Jake’s sandwich which you packed in a lunchbox and set aside for him to take on his trip. He was joining his fellow Youth Ministers for a weekend in Joshua Tree National Park, requested by Freddie and Matt in an effort to bond more as a team. Jake was less than enthused by the idea, not keen to leave you home alone when you had been feeling ill for so long. 

He ran around the house trying to pack, taking more breaks than necessary to check his phone, drink some coffee and kiss your cheeks as you cooked. Eventually, he could no longer delay his departure and was forced to bring the bags to his truck, forcing the guitar into the passenger seat and unceremoniously dumping the duffel bag into the truck bed. 

“Honey?” Jake called from the kitchen, after remembering he’d bought some snacks for the trip. You hummed from the sofa where you were sat reading your bible, acknowledging that you had heard him, “Honey, why do we have pickles?” he asked, holding up the jar to show you.

“I don’t know, I saw them at the shop and they looked good,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders.

Jake hesitated, “Sweetheart, I thought you didn’t like pickles?” 

“I know but -- I don’t know, I’ve been craving them… I made you a sandwich! It’s on the table” you said, pointing towards the blue lunchbox on the kitchen table. Jake picked it up and lifted the lid, “It was supposed to be a reuben sandwich, but I swapped out the sauerkraut for pickles,” you explained. 

“Thank you, honey,” Jake said, picking up the lunchbox before making his way to you. 

“You have to go now though, or you’ll be late,” you chastised him. 

“Yes, that would truly be a shame, wouldn’t it… It’s weird, I suddenly don’t feel so good anymore, do you think I could stay home?” he asked, making a pouting face and pulling his collar away from his neck. 

“No,” you laughed, “Go! It’ll be fun.”

Jake snorted, “Says the woman who doesn’t have to share a cabin with Henry Greuvel, the loudest snorer this side of the equator.”

“It’s only for one night!” you giggled, pushing him towards the door. 

“Fine, but text me, okay? I wanna know how you’re feeling. If it doesn’t get better by Monday, I’ll take you to the doctor’s,” Jake said, he leaned down to kiss the top of your forehead and when you looked up at him, he kissed your lips too, “Have fun at church. I love you, see you tomorrow evening!” he shouted as he walked out of the house. 

An hour later, with Elisabeth’s arrival imminent, you got up from your seat and walked to the kitchen again where you switched on the kettle and prepped a mug with a homemade anti-nausea ginger and lemon tea bag. You poured the water in as soon as the kettle clicked and drank a few sips before pulling the ingredients for a russian dressing out of the fridge. You spread the mixture generously on two large slices of toasted rye bread, adding a few thin slices of still warm brisket, as much cheese as you could cram on and topping it all with a large helping of sauerkraut before closing the sandwich with another slice of bread. You had just plated it all when the doorbell rang. 

“Oh goodness, it smells amazing!” 

“It’s ready to serve,” you laughed,

“Good, because I am starving!” she said, walking into the living room where you had dressed the dining table and put the plates, “It is so nice not to have to cook for once,” 

“Dad doesn’t cook?” you asked, sounding confused. 

Elisabeth scoffed, “Beau isn’t allowed to cook.”

You looked at her, concern written on your face, “He’s not bad, I’ve had his homemade pizza before.”

“And therein lies the problem, my dear, it’s better than mine! I can’t take that kind of defeat,” she said with a wink.

You walked back to the kitchen, picking up the pickle jar that Jake hadn’t placed back in the cupboard, and relieved for once as you had started to feel a little dizzy and didn’t feel confident about reaching for the highest shelf. You carried it back to the dining table and twisted the lid open, picking two long slices of pickled cucumber and placing them on top of your open sandwich.

“I thought you didn’t like pickles?” Elisabeth remarked.

“I think they’re growing on me,” you replied with a small smile. 

The sandwich was delicious. You had never tried that recipe before but with each bite it earned itself a higher spot on the leaderboard of all your favourite dishes. You collected the plates and placed them in the sink, running some water over them before walking back to the coffee pot. 

“Would you like a cup of coffee Liz?” you asked her from across the kitchen. 

There was a moment’s pause before she answered, “That sounds great, maybe with a splash of milk?” 

Before even approaching the coffee pot, you popped a ginger candy into your mouth, taking a few good swallows of the sweet ginger flavour before approaching the pot with a mug ready. You poured the coffee into the mug and stirred in a little milk with minimal gagging before bringing the cup to Elisabeth. 

“Here we are,” you said, placing it down in front of her. 

“Aren’t you going to have one too?” she asked, looking at you confused. 

You grimaced, “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to,” you said, “The smell of coffee recently has been making me nauseous.” 

“Are you…” she asked, an excited smile growing on her face. It fell almost immediately when she saw you grow sad.

“No, women in my family have a history of struggles when it comes to conceiving. We’ve started trying but as much as we want it to happen, we know it’s unlikely to happen right now,” you explained, “The waiting is agony though,” you added. 

Elisabeth nodded. You stayed quiet for a moment while she seemed to be thinking of something.

“Beau and I struggled too. We had Peter without an issue but Matthew was a little harder, then when we went to the doctor’s to see if we could have a third, they told us it was unlikely we’d conceive again. We were heartbroken but we held on to the fact that they said it was unlikely, not impossible. We tried for years after that and nothing happened, so we gave up. It was a really dark time in our lives, we stopped going to church, I quit my job, and Beau and I seemed to fight every other night,” she said, pausing for a moment,

“And then one night, I was packing up our shrine to throw most of it away when I knocked something off of a shelf. I don’t know, maybe it was coincidence, or maybe it was the Lord trying to show us the way, but I had knocked Peter’s bible down to the floor and it opened on Luke Chapter one. The first thing I saw was, oh I remember it as though it happened an hour ago,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes, 

“The first thing I saw was ‘Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.’ I called Beau immediately, even though he was playing baseball with buddies, and I told him to get his ass home because we were going to church,” she laughed, “He didn’t argue, even though I never told him about the verse or the Bible. And two months after that I went to the doctor’s for some unrelated health issues, and they told me I was pregnant. I was convinced we’d have a boy, obviously, and we were going to call him John. But then the three little ladies arrived and Beau asked me if we could name one ‘Joanna’, he said he didn’t know why but he felt it was right to use that name, as if he was fulfilling his end of a promise.”

You looked at Elizabeth for a moment, unable to think of what to say. She placed her hands on yours, gently squeezing, “All I’m saying is the Lord provides, but He does so in His own time and for His own reasons. We can’t understand them, nor should we want to but we can trust Him. And I trust He will bless you with your own bundle of joy soon, but in the meantime, you must listen when He tells you things about yourself and your life, even if they’re things you would rather not hear. While Beau and I waited to be blessed again, I ignored when the Lord tried to tell me I was impatient, quick to anger and jealous, I blamed others when I should have looked at myself. Instead of laying my worries and anxieties on God, I tried to deal with them myself, and if I had just left my heart open to His guidance, I could have let all that go sooner. And since I have, I have been a better wife, and a much better mother,” she finished.

You had often looked to Elisabeth for help and guidance when you had trouble hearing the Lord, and you valued her experience immensely. You were so relieved to finally be able to talk to Lizzie and air your worries, the experience only somewhat marred as your head kept spinning and you felt a little dizzy.

“You okay?” She asked, as a hot flush washed over you and you felt the colour drain from your face as soon as it departed.

“I feel funny,” you replied, your speech slurred by the speed at which the room had started spinning

Elisabeth grabbed a hold of your arm to ground you, “Hey, don’t faint on me, sweetheart,” she said, “Have you had much to eat today?”

You shook your head, instantly regretting it as it made your head spin faster. You felt Elisabeth move and you grabbed the edge of the table in an effort to keep yourself upright.

“You need sugar,” Elisabeth said, standing up to look through your cupboards.

“I have some in the pantry,” you told her, dropping your head down into your hands in an effort to stay conscious. Lizzie jogged down the corridor and came back into the room with a bag of sugar. She dumped two large tea spoons into a cup of freshly brewed coffee. 

“Drink, you’ll feel better,” she said, moving the cup closer to you. The smell overpowered your senses and you stood, trying to escape or at least turn away as your stomach lurched, but you didn’t have the time to be sick because as soon as you stood, your vision faded to black and you hit the floor with a heavy thud. 

When you came to, Elisabeth was kneeling beside you, fanning your face with a notepad she had found somewhere, “Y/n can you hear me? Are you okay?” she asked, you tried to get off of the floor but she stopped you with her hand, “Take it easy.”

“It’s okay, it’s happened a few times, I’ll be fine,��� you said, placing a hand on the coffee table and trying to pull yourself up. 

Elisabeth stopped you again, “A few times?! And Jake leaves you home alone like that?”

“No, I -- I haven’t told him. It’s nothing, just my periods,” you mumbled out, suddenly feeling a bit stupid for not telling him. 

“Y/n, this isn’t normal. You need to see a doctor,” Elisabeth said, pulling you up and sitting you carefully on the couch before getting her purse from the door, fishing her car keys out of the side pocket. 

You let out a sigh, “Liz --”

“Do not make me play the ‘mom’-card, Y/n. Do as you’re told,” she said sternly, using the same tone of voice that she used whenever she needed to make Beau do something he didn’t want to do. 

---

The ride to urgent care was short and tense, Lizzie looking over at you every couple of seconds to make sure that you were still okay. 

“I’m fine Liz, I’m not going to keel over,” you said, raising an eyebrow at her. 

She sighed, “You might not keel over but that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried about you.” 

You sighed, looking at the grey building that appeared in front of you as Liz pulled into the parking lot. She had an arm wrapped around you as she walked you inside and you checked in at the desk. 

When the nurse called you back and brought you into a room, she asked you the routine questions: Have you been in before? Do you have a fever? Are you pregnant?. At the end of their questioning, you sat thinking about the last time you had a period, you’d been having all the usual symptoms but it hadn’t started yet. 

The nurse left, telling you the doctor would be in soon, leaving you and Liz in a comfortable silence. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and a short woman walked in. 

“Mrs. Seresin?” she asked, looking at you sitting on the table. 

“Yes, that’s me,” you said, smiling a little at your still fairly new title. 

She nodded, coming to stand in front of you to do a basic examination, “I am Dr. Fielding, is there anything specific bothering you today?”

You explained the situation as she examined you and when she was done, and once she had looked over your chart, she said, “I think we need to do a blood test, you have been fainting recently and with the other strange behaviours I would hate to miss something, otherwise, physically, you seem fine.”

“Alright,” you agreed, “Whatever it takes.” 

She nodded at you before leaving the room, “Nurse Amy will be back in soon to do the draw and we should have the results back in about an hour for you.” 

Once your blood was drawn you and Lizzie settled into the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. After only thirty minutes, you were called back into the exam room, Dr. Fielding waiting for you. 

“Mrs. Seresin, I am happy to tell you that you are pregnant, the blood work shows elevated amounts of HCG hormones indicating pregnancy. If I had to guess you are only a few weeks along,” she said, a small smile on your face. 

You felt the world rock, and you were half convinced that there was an earthquake and no one else knew it. The first thing you wanted to do was call Jake, the thought of telling him exciting you and scaring you at the same time. What if he wasn’t happy that you were going to be having a baby so soon? What if he was excited? Then your mind wandered to his family, and how good he was with kids, and your heart stopped in your chest. What if you wouldn’t be a good mom? Jake had wonderful parents to look up to and yours were dead, and a shitty parent at best. What if you were no good? What if– your thoughts were cut off by the doctor speaking. 

“This is a list of recommended prenatal vitamins for you to start taking and I would make an appointment with your gynaecologist or an OBGYN for a better estimate of the development of your baby,” she finished, “I’ll have Amy check you and you you should be good to leave, make sure you keep that blood sugar up.” 

The next half hour felt like it passed you in a daze, Lizzie was excited for you and she chatted animatedly to you the whole ride home. Once she helped you inside and made sure you were settled in, she asked, “Do you want me to stay with you?” 

“No that’s alright, I think I’m going to call Jake,” you said, trying to put a smile on your face for her benefit. 

“Alright dear, well it was wonderful to see you, and I am so happy for you and Jake!” her excitement causing you to smile for a moment longer before you see her out.

As you close the door you called out after her, “Oh Liz?”

“Yeah?” she asked, turning to look at you. 

 

“Will you keep this a secret from Beau for a bit? I want to tell him my own way,” you requested, hoping she would agree. 

She smiled brightly, a devious look in her eye at the thought of surprising her husband, “Oh of course! I wouldn’t want to take that moment from you. Let me know if you need any help planning anything okay?” 

“Okay, I will. Drive safe!” you called out before stepping inside and closing the door. 

Once it was shut you pulled out your phone and wrapped your now shaking frame in the throw blanket that you kept out on the couch. You clicked on Jake’s contact, the icon saved to your home screen under Hubby. You paced in front of the windows of your living room a few times before pressing the call button. 

When you pressed call, it didn’t even ring before being sent to voicemail. Your heart hurt, and tears sprung into your eyes. He probably didn’t have a signal and he didn’t expect you to be pregnant, but there was something inside you that screamed Why didn’t he pick up the phone? Does he know? How could he possibly know? Maybe he- you shook your head, trying to block out the intrusive thoughts that were trying to take over your mind. You tapped on Annie’s number in your contacts, hoping she’d answer. The phone rang three times before finally clicking through, “Hello?” she spoke into the receiver

“Hey, how are you?” you asked. Now that you had made contact, telling her suddenly seemed like a monumentally terrible idea.

“Err, I’m okay, I’m working,” your sister replied, clearly unsettled. You never usually called during the weekend, and certainly not while she was working. The last time anyone had done that it had been to tell her about the passing of your grandmother, “Is everything okay?” she asked, worry laced in her voice. 

You couldn’t back out now, you had to tell her, because she’d never buy that you wanted to catch up and quite frankly, you weren’t sure you would be able to keep yourself from crying much longer. 

“Are you okay?” she asked again, apologising as she made her way through the throngs of children she had been supervising during afternoon garden playtime and into a more private area where she no longer had to strain her ears to listen to you. You heard a door shut behind her and suddenly the ambient noise of the garden, the children and the blowing wind disappeared, much to your relief, you hadn’t realised how much the sound of kids had been making you feel worse.

“I’m okay,” you lied, “I’m pregnant!” you tried to sound excited, but tears bubbled in your throat and your voice came out wobbly and uncertain.

“Oh my goodness! That’s amazing!” she screamed, “I’m so excited! Does Jake know? Ooh! Are you going to do one of those cute Pinterest reveals? Oh my god this is going to be so great! You HAVE to film it and send it to me, I want to see his face! How far along are you? Are you--”

“ANNIE!” you snapped, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, your legs buckling underneath you and dropping you onto the floor with a painful crack of your knees.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?” she asked. You could practically see her standing there in front of you, one hand clasped in front of her mouth, a horrified expression on her face, it made you feel so much worse.

“No,” you whispered, “There’s something wrong with me.”

“What do you mean? Do you need me to fly over? Is Jake with you?” she asked, her words coming out in a panicked rush, and you could hear her rustling around in the background of the call. 

“Annie, what if I turn out like mum?” you said, “What if I hate them? What if something happens to Jake and I turn out like her?”

Annie was quiet for a second, “Honey, that’s never going to happen,” she whispered into the receiver, “It’ll never happen because if anything happens to my niece or nephew I will come down to California and kill you,” she joked, eliciting a watery laugh from you.

“In all seriousness, Y/n, I think you’re going to be an amazing mom. You’re kind, you’re caring, you’re gentle, and most importantly, you’re willing. This is what you have wanted since you were old enough to understand, mom… Mom became a mom because she thought that was what the world wanted. She had us to become the picture perfect family and when dad died, she couldn’t be bothered with keeping up appearances,” she said, “You wouldn’t know, because we don’t really talk about this, but when dad died, mom didn’t get any worse. The only thing that changed was that she didn’t talk to us anymore. Before then, dad took care of us, brought us to school and helped us with the homework. Her contribution as a parent extended to showing up at PTA meetings, dressing us all nice for school pictures and dishing up punishment whenever she thought we needed it. Mom was never good.”

“What if I find out it’s not what I wanted? What if I hold my baby and I look at it and I realise I made all the good bits up?” you sobbed

“Oh you will. You’ll hold the crying kid in your arms and your ears will ring and you’ll be desperate for sleep and you’ll wonder why on earth you even made the nugget. And then it’ll say ‘mamma’ and it’ll waddle over to you, or wave or smile for the first time, it’ll give you their first drawing and you’ll get it, even if the drawing is terrible, or they fall and hit their head and cry some more. Y/n, every season in life will have regrets, you can’t always be happy. You won’t get everything you want, and that’s good, because if you did you wouldn’t appreciate life as much as you do. Let me put it in terms you understand,” she chuckled, “If humans were awake and energetic all the time, we’d never have invented coffee.”

You laughed a little, “Promise me that if I ever fail at being a mom, you’ll be on the next plane over,” you said, growing a little more serious.

“Pinky promise. If you fail at being a mom, I will personally come and set your head straight. But I won’t need to, because if you were going to fail at being a mom, you wouldn’t have called. And if you were going to fail at being a mom, you wouldn’t have spent so much of your life trying not to be like mom,” she said, “I take it you haven’t told Jake?”

“No, I tried calling but he’s spending the weekend with youth ministry leaders and they’re in Joshua Tree with horrible cell service,” you explained

“Don’t forget he’s there too, yeah? He wants this as much as you and I’m sure he’ll have his own little freakout about being a good dad, so when the time comes, let him. Let him figure things out, let him have a couple of firsts, both good and bad. I know it’ll be hard, but you have nine months more than he does to bond with baby, so let him catch up a little. And he’ll fuck up, just like you will, but if you’re going to expect him to help shoulder all the burdens, he’s gotta go through the learning process too,” she said, “Speaking of learning process, having kids doesn’t come with a manual, but I’ve been a preschool teacher for ten years, so if you have a question, I’m here. And I’ll give you a little more free advice: pray. For the good things, the bad things, for everything. And read the bible, too. I think Proverbs 31 gives you a good blueprint on how to be,” she finished.

You walked up to your shrine and opened up your bible to the book of Proverbs and turned the pages till you hit Proverbs 31, you read through the entire verse twice, your eyes flicking down to the end. "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’" 

““Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,” you whispered, putting your phone away after hanging up, “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for me so that I may be the mother my children need. Pray for me so that my children may rise up and call me blessed.”

—

Jake knelt down on the uncomfortable floor of the wooden cabin, the badly hammered nails digging into his legs. He leaned against the bed, hoping to alleviate some of the pain and brought his hands together in front of his head. 

“Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us, and Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from Evil,” Jake spoke, his voice echoed by Henry, doing the same behind him. 

He lowered his voice, wanting privacy for the next bit, “Father, I thank you for the opportunities you have given me. Thank you for the people you have brought into my life and thank you for the people you have taken out. Thank you for creating the people I love and for the people I dislike too, I hope all who deserve it feel Your love and obey Your Will. Please keep Y/n safe and healthy. She hasn’t been feeling well these past few weeks, and I worry about her. Please keep Bob, Maria, my team and my parents and friends in your thoughts too,” Jake whispered, 

“I confess, Father, that I have been impatient. I know You will Bless us when we are ready but waiting has been torture, I find myself unable to think about anything other than having a little one of our own and how much happiness it would bring us. I ask that you help me remember Romans 8:25: "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." when times become hard,” he continued.

“Lord, I pray that you might guide me, and help me use the gifts you have given me. You know what I need and what I want, Father, and I pray my life may be filled with some of both. Amen,” he finished, using the bed to stand up, rubbing his knees free of the bumps and dips caused by the rough floor of the cabin. 

He climbed into bed, pulling the duvet up to his chest, feeling cramped and claustrophobic on the tiny single bed and terribly lonely without you laying right beside him. He had been tired when the evening had come to a close but now that he was there, sleep wouldn’t come. He seemed to be the only one suffering from insomnia, though, as Henry had begun snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow, causing Jake to wonder how park rangers hadn’t already been called for breaking the 60 decibel noise ordinance. 

He tossed and turned for twenty more minutes, the words he had prayed reverberating in his head so loud that he was getting a headache and finally harmonising with Henry so perfectly that it was slowly driving him insane. 

Unable to take it any longer, Jake stood up and went for a walk. Walking along the main trail until he hit a fork in the road. He had taken this road not even an hour ago, but they had taken flashlights then and Jake had forgotten his phone, in the moonlight, he was entirely incapable of remembering which way to take. He concentrated, trying to hear the gentle noises of the river they had eaten next to but he couldn’t find it in the ambient noise of the forest, moving with the breeze. Then, carried by the wind, the sound of a quiet melody came through from his right. Throwing all caution to the wind, Jake took that path and walked down until he hit a small clearing. 

The bonfire they had made was still going strong, and in the flickering light of the flames, Bob carefully strummed the chords of Jake’s guitar. Seeing him standing there in the shadow of the trees, Bob stopped.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he called out. 

Jake shook his head, “Thinking too loud,” he confessed.

“You’re bunking with Henry and your thoughts are too loud? My, you must really be worried,” Bob chuckled.

“Not worried,” Jake replied, “Okay maybe a little worried,” he admitted, “We’re trying for a baby.”

“I thought you were going to wait a while?” Bob asked, bending over the guitar’s neck to fiddle with the strings, pretending to be doing something to avoid making Jake uncomfortable. He had been his friend long enough to know that showing any emotion except happiness made him intensely uncomfortable, and that Jake seemed to have an easier time talking when Bob pretended not to be listening.

“There’s a history of difficulties with conceiving in Y/n’s family, we figured we’d start trying now, you know… In case it takes a while,” Jake said, his eyes trained on the fire. 

“Ah,” Bob said, “That’s fair. How’s Y/n feeling about it?”

“Well, it’s been two months and we’re both feeling pretty impatient,” he replied, “It’s hard to just … let things happen.. You know?”

“I know,” Bob agreed, leaning back behind him to fish two sodas out of the cooler and giving one to Jake, “I was feeling the same about meeting someone before Maria,” he admitted.

Jake sighed heavily before continuing, “And I’m honestly scared shitless that once we have a kid, we’ll -- I’ll fuck shit up.” 

“If it makes you feel better, the Lord seems pretty forgiving about that,” Bob said, trying to add the shame and the sound of his thumping heart with a nervous chuckle.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked, looking up at Bob, his voice laced with concern, “You haven’t fucked anything up with Maria, I had her on the phone like, this week, she seemed fine.” 

“I fucked up,” Bob replied, “We fucked up,” he added, his voice low enough that it could have been covered up by the crackle of the roaring fire.

“Floyd, what did you do?” Jake asked, his voice almost as threatening as it had been the night of the bar fight. 

“I…nothing, nevermind,” Bob tried, taking a sip of the Sprite he had pulled from the cooler. 

Jake let out a laugh, “It’s too late for that Bobby-boy, tell me what you did.” 

“I don’t know man, you are her brother, I don’t need to get the shit beat out of me on a Church retreat…” Bob said, his voice trailing off on the last word. 

“Should have fucking thought of that before doing anything to my sister,” Jake said, the threat of bodily harm evident in the tone of his voice. 

“Hey, hey, hey! I didn’t do anything she didn’t ask me to do, okay,” Bob exclaimed in outrage at the accusation, “This fuck up is on both of us!” 

Jake heaved out a large sigh before demanding, “Last time. What. Did. You. Do?”

“Nothing… -- We didn’t sleep together,” Bob said nervously, his hands gesturing wildly in front of him, “Qualifies as heavy petting at most.” 

Jake grabbed the collar of his shirt, standing up and lifting Bob up with him. For an agonising minute, Bob thought Jake might punch him but as soon as Jake had lifted up a fist, he had lowered it again, “I can’t really say anything, just -- just take care of her, you know, and keep the rest of it for the wedding night.” 

“I take it y’all did the same?” Bob asked, one hand coming up to run through his hair as Jake let him go and stepped back. 

“Absolutely not,” Jake replied, his voice sounding final. 

Bob winced at the tone, “I didn’t mean to --”

“Got so close though,” Jake chuckled, “And I was the one to stop it, if you’ll believe that.”

Letting out a laugh Bob replied, “Now you’re just making things up.”

“You wound me,” Jake said, raising a hand up to his pec, looking down at it like he was trying to keep himself from bleeding out, “Look at me, wounded,” he joked. 

“So you’re not mad?” Bob asked, his voice nervous. 

“I never said that, but I don’t get to judge,” Jake replied, “Not my job. And if He forgives you for it then there’s no reason I shouldn’t either.”

Bob nodded, staring at the bonfire’s dying flames, “Pray for me and I’ll pray for you?” he offered, “For the baby, I mean.”

“Now?” Jake asked.

Bob shrugged, “Seems as good a time as any…” he said, “I’ll start if you want?”

Jake shook his head, “I think I know the right way to start,” he said. Jake took a deep breath, pausing for a second to gather himself, looking up at Bob, he started into one of his favourite prayers, “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,” he paused, waiting to see if Bob would take it from there. 

“Holy Mary we pray to you today so the Lord may bless Jake and Y/n with the child they desperately want, and that when the time comes and they fall pregnant, that Y/n may be healthy and enjoy every minute of the nine months their blessing will take to arrive. I pray Saint Joseph guides Jake along the path of Fatherhood, and that you, Saint Mary, help Y/n become the mother the child needs and that she would have liked as a girl. I hope the child is healthy and happy, that they learn to follow the Word and that they never stray far from His teachings,” he said, then, stealing a side glance at Jake, he added, “I also pray that Jake and Y/n learn to be more patient, and listen to Galatians 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time --” Bob began, his retelling of the verse rudely interrupted by a sharp slap to the back of his head.

“You’re a prick,” Jake said before adding, “Mother, Mary, please watch over Bob and Maria, and remind them of Romans 8:25, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” 

Bob let out a laugh, “I’m the prick?” he asked, before concluding the prayer, “Please guide us both closer to your immaculate self, and let our actions honour God’s will. Amen.” 

“Amen,” Jake said a second later. 

“Well that was interesting,” Bob said with a laugh. 

Jake rolled his eyes, “You are the biggest shit stirrer I’ve ever met, you know that?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Bob said with a smile, “Soon I’ll be your family too, no way of getting rid of me now.” 

“I don’t know, I think I could probably bury you out here somewhere, help Maria move on with….Coyote, yeah Coyote,” Jake said, one brow raised. 

Bob let out a nervous laugh, the colour draining from his face, “You wouldn’t,” he said, his tone contradicting his words. 

Jake just let out a deep laugh, almost falling off the log he was sitting on, “You’re right, I wouldn’t. But that has more to do with the fact that Maria scares me than my self control.”  

Bob nodded, a smile cracking over his face, “She is a little scary, isn’t she?” 

“When she wants to be,” Jake said, “But who do you think taught her that?” 

“It wasn’t you Bagman,” Bob said with a laugh, “I believe wholeheartedly that it was your mom.” 

“You might be right there, she and Nonna have this way about them,” Jake said, shivering slightly at the thought of his mom and grandma’s abilities to scare people. 

Checking his watch, he realised the time, “Well Bobby, we should probably get back to bed.” 

Bob nodded, “Yeah, you gonna be able to sleep?”

“Probably not, but that’s what the coffee is for right?” Jake asked, a tired smile on his face. 

Bob just nodded, “It’ll give you practice for when the baby you’re trying for comes along.” 

Jake just laughed as the two of them stood up and made their way back to the cabins in a comfortable silence. 

—

It started about twenty-five miles outside of Joshua Tree, the ringing. Jake and Bob’s phones were blowing up with notifications all at once. Things they hadn’t seen all weekend due to their lack of service. 

Bob picked up his phone, scrolling through the notifications, “Um..Jake?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Jake said, glancing over at him, “What’s up?” he asked, upon seeing the concerned look on Bob’s face. 

“There’s an email here, titled, ‘Father John’s Funeral Arrangements’,” he said, sounding confused, “And I have ten missed calls from Cheryl, you know the Church’s scheduling secretary?”

“Are you…Are you serious?” he asked, his attention now solely focused on Bob. 

“Jake, watch the road!” Bob shouted, and Jake cussed as he looked forward and saw a line of stopped traffic, slamming on the brakes and steering the truck off onto the sandy shoulder, he just missed the minivan in front of him. 

Bob looked at him concerned, “You good man?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?” Jake asked, making sure that the rough stop didn’t cause any damage to any of the cars around him. 

“I’m alright, I think we need to stay here a minute though, call the church,” Bob said quietly. 

Jake just nodded, he and Father John weren’t the closest but he did think that the man was a damn good priest. He heard Bob talking to who he assumed was Cheryl on the phone as he watched Henry’s truck pull up behind him, the man got out and walked to Jake’s window. 

Just as Jake rolled it down, Bob hung up the phone. 

“You boys alright?” Henry asked, “I know you’ve got a new wife Jake but really shouldn’t be on the phone and driving.” 

“I wasn’t,” Jake answered, a little offended that the man thought so little of him. Before he could defend himself further, Bob cut in, “Father John passed away last night,” he said quietly. 

“What?” Henry asked, his eyes growing large as he looked between Bob and Jake. 

“We got emails about it, you’re on them too,” Jake said, grabbing his own phone from the console, he unlocked it to see that you had called him several times and left several messages. There were about a hundred unopened notifications, twenty of them from you.

He closed his eyes, rubbing his head with his baseball cap before placing it snugly back on. Bob and Henry were talking and the rest of the men were probably wondering what was happening, “Alright,” Jake said, interrupting the conversation, “Let’s get home, there’s nothing we can do for anyone stuck three hours away with limited phone service, right?”

Bob nodded, “He’s right Henry, Cheryl said that they were following Father John’s wishes and that one of the other priests from our sister church would cover masses until a replacement can be assigned by the diocese.” 

Henry let out a strangled sigh, “You’re right, let’s get home.” 

Jake rolled up his window and merged back into traffic, his phone still in his hand, all the messages from you were increasingly more concerning. 

Saturday 12-noon

Mine <3: Jake, call me when you can.

Mine <3: It’s important. 

Saturday 1 PM

Mine <3: I don’t know what to do, I need to talk to you. 

Saturday 3PM

Mine <3: Not being able to tell you this is making me feel sick.

Mine <3: Please call when you are able. 

Saturday 10PM

Mine <3: Jake, where are you? 

Mine <3: I need to get you a sat phone next time. 

Saturday 12-midnight 

Mine <3: Please call me soon.

Mine <3: I don’t want you to hear this from anyone else. 

Sunday 8AM

Mine <3: No mass this morning

Mine <3: When you get back into range you will know why

Mine <3: Call me when you can. 

Jake didn’t know what to do, when he tried to call, his phone said it didn’t have enough service. The messages weren’t much more descriptive than the texts, just saying that the two of you needed to talk and that you had news. 

He drove on, him and Bob sitting in a tense silence, by the time they had service again, Jake’s nerves were fried. He hit the call button on your contact as soon as he was able and had the phone pressed to his ear, “Come on baby, pick up, pick up, pick up…” he said under his breath. Jake could feel Bob’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care if his friend heard the call, he just had to know that your messages were about what he thought they were and not something to do with you. 

Finally, on the fourth ring, you picked up the phone. Glancing at the dash, Jake realised that you had probably gone back to sleep after the eight o’clock messages, considering it was only eleven now. 

“Jake?” you asked, your voice a little rough from disuse. 

“Baby? What’s wrong?” Jake asked, “I got all of your messages, and a few more. We know about Father John,” he rushed out, “What did you need to talk to me about?”

He heard you take a deep breath on the other side of the line and there was only a moment’s hesitation before you answered, “Oh, that was it. I just wanted to spare you from finding out from someone else is all,” you said. 

“Are you sure that’s it?” Jake asked, “It sounded like there was something else. Have you been to the doctor?” 

Another pause before, “No that’s it. I made an appointment for this week,” you said in reply. 

“Okay, we are on our way back. I’ll be home in a few hours,” he said, still not totally convinced there wasn’t something else wrong. 

“I’ll see you then, do you and Bob want me to make you something for lunch?” you asked, hoping a change in conversation would help distract him from your earlier panicked text messages. 

“Sure, anything you want to make would be great,” he replied, “See you soon honey.” 

“I love you,” he heard you say softly. 

Jake’s mouth quirked up in a small smile, “I love you too.” 

A second after he hung up the phone, Bob asked, “Everything alright?” 

“I think so,” he replied, “I don’t know, she seemed like she was hiding something but I’m not sure what it would be. She has been acting strange recently.” 

“Are you sure she isn’t pregnant?” Bob asked, trying to lighten the mood some. 

Jake shrugged, trying to put the pieces together, “If that’s all it is, I’m going to be the happiest man in the world.”

Bob nodded, “I’m sure she is fine, you’ll know when you get home anyway.” 

“Yeah, maybe she is just waiting to tell me when I get home,” Jake agreed, feeling a little lighter even though his mood was thoroughly soured by the passing of their church’s most trusted guide. 

---

You were sitting in Jake’s truck, waiting for him to come back out of the house. He had been on edge ever since he had received the news about Father John, with his mission coming up at work and you being ‘ill’ he had a lot on his plate. He rushed out of the house, his tie held in his hand, and a few notecards almost falling out of his pocket. He climbed into the driver’s seat of the truck and put it into gear, backing out of the driveway and almost taking out your mailbox in his hurry. 

“Jake!” you chastised, “We are only running a few minutes late and we are still an hour early for the funeral. It’s going to be alright,” you said, taking his hand in yours across the console and gently prying the tie from his grip. “Take a deep breath,” you tried, squeezing his hand in yours. 

He glanced over at you, an annoyed expression on his face. You raised an eyebrow at him, rubbing one thumb over the back of his hand, he turned his attention back to the road for a moment before looking back at you. He took a deep breath, pushing it out and you felt his hand relax in yours. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes now focused on the road, “I’ve been a bit of an ass haven’t I?” he asked, his mind wandering back through the events of the morning. You hadn’t been feeling well and laid in bed much later than usual. When you struggled out of bed to make breakfast, against Jake’s insistence that he could do it, you had gotten sick at the smell of his coffee. Then Bob called and said that the florist had not yet delivered the flowers from the parish to Father John’s funeral service, then Decan Dan had called him and asked if Jake could give a short eulogy. With the mission coming up and all of the other things piled up on top, Jake hadn’t been in a good mood at all today. He took another deep breath, risking a glance over at you to see if you were mad, he had been rather short with you earlier. 

“It’s alright, you are under a lot of stress right now,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile. While you loved him dearly, you knew that when Jake was feeling overwhelmed he had a tendency to snap out at people, it didn’t happen often and that didn’t make it okay, but in this case you had decided to let it go. The two of you had bigger fish to fry, Jake just didn’t know it yet. 

“Have you been to the doctor yet?” he asked, his brows creasing in the middle as he slowed down to stop for a red light. Turning to look at you he just missed the look of guilt that had settled over you. It had been almost a week since Elizabeth had forced you to the urgent care for a check up where you discovered that you were pregnant. You just hadn’t been able to find a way to tell Jake. 

“I have an appointment for later this week,” you replied, which wasn’t exactly a lie, you did have an appointment at the OBGYN for them to do a preliminary check on the baby. 

“Okay, good,” he said, his brows still creased as he accelerated, the light turning green, “You don’t think there’s anything seriously wrong do you?” he asked quietly, you almost didn’t hear him. 

“I’m sure that I’m fine, probably just too much stress from being in contact with you all the time,” you said, trying to lighten the mood. 

Jake sighed, his face contorting into something that almost resembled anger, “It’s not funny Y/n, what if you have cancer, what if you are dying?” he asked seriously. 

“I feel like I would know if I was dying, Jake,” you tried again, you were starting to get nervous, you were only a few minutes from the church and your goal had been to calm him down not rile him up more. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but you stopped him with a raise of your hand, “I know I’ve had some weird symptoms recently but I think it could just be my hormones since I quit my birth control,” you said, trying to brush over the topic. 

Jake’s mouth snapped shut and he guided the truck into the church’s almost empty parking lot. He flicked the key off and the humm of the engine cut out, leaving the two of you to sit in silence for a moment. You were going to try and say something again but at that moment Jake threw open his door and got out. You watched as he closed it, a little harder than necessary, before he wiped a hand down his face looking frustrated. 

You knew that it would only piss him off further if you opened the door for yourself so you waited for him to come around to your side of the truck. When he opened the door for you, presenting you with his hand, you swung your legs across the seat, taking his hand, you pulled him towards you with a sharp tug. Jake wasn’t expecting it and he moved somewhat surprised towards the truck. 

Reaching out, you tucked the collar of his shirt up, taking the tie you had saved from his grip earlier and slipping it around his neck. Wrapping it around itself and pulling the long end through, you tugged it gently until the knot rose to the top, just under his neck. Tucking the sides of his collar back down, you smoothed your hands over his chest, using the lapels of his suit jacket to pull him into a gentle kiss.

As the two of you parted he let out a quiet sigh, one of his hands resting on your cheek and the other on your thigh playing with the hem of your black dress, “I just don’t understand why you aren’t more worried,” he said, his eyes raising from your lap to your eyes. 

You opened your mouth to respond but he interrupted you, “No you had your turn to talk and now I get mine. You are my wife and I love and respect you dearly, but I am worried about you. Baby you went from drinking seven billion cups of coffee a day to throwing up at the smell of it. You have been acting strangely, eating pickles, and been overly emotional, and I mean that in the nicest way. I just think there is something wrong, and –”

Jake was cut off by you pulling him into a kiss, he tried to pull back from you to say something else, but your grip on him was too tight. When you finally parted, you rested your forehead against his, “You wonderful, stupid, caring man,” you said quietly opening your eyes to look into his.  

You couldn’t wait any longer to tell him, you couldn’t keep him in any more suspense, “I’m pregnant, Jake,” you said, pulling back some so you could watch his face for a reaction, “I found out this weekend, Lizzie made me go to urgent care when I fainted and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just didn’t know how and I wanted it to be spec–”

Jake cut you off with another kiss, you could feel him smiling widely, his lips tight against yours. He pulled away with a laugh, taking a few steps away from you and the truck before turning back and pulling you into his arms in a tight hug, “Really?” was all he could think to ask. 

“Yes,” you replied, pulling him tighter to you, “The woman at urgent care said maybe two weeks along, but I have an appointment this week with my doctor to get a better estimate.” 

“Why were you in urgent care?” he asks suddenly concerned, “Wait, did you say that you fainted? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I didn’t want you to worry,” you said quietly, the look of joy slowly melting off your face.

“Hey, you’re my wife, you can tell me anything, especially if it has to do with your health, okay?” Jake asked, “Promise me you’ll tell me if something is wrong in the future?” 

You nodded, “I promise,” you said and he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead. 

He helped you down from the truck, one hand braced against your nonexistent bump and the other supporting your back, a huge smile splitting his face. 

“Honey?” you asked him. 

“Yeah?” he replied, taking your hand and locking the truck. 

You hesitated for a moment, not wanting to ruin his fun, “We are about to attend a funeral,” you said rather bluntly. 

Jake looked at you, his face still forming a smile as he said, “Yes I know that,” he replied. 

“Well you might want to try and wipe the smile off of your face then,” you told him with a giggle of your own, “Don’t want anyone thinking you’re glad the good father is dead or anything.” 

Jake spluttered at your comment, the smile still on his face, “I don’t know if I can,” he said, trying his hardest to look sad. You just shook your head at him as you entered the church. 

You helped Jake set up the church for the funeral, placing flower arrangements and pictures around the space, by the time you were done, the church was looking forlorn but brighter. The new priest who was going to be taking over for Father John was supposed to hold the funeral mass for the older priest and Jake was talking him through a few things. By the time people started to file into the church, you had taken a seat in a pew, feeling a bit light headed. 

You pulled out a bottle of Gatorade, taking a sip and closing your eyes, letting the sugary drink work its way into your system. 

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Elisabeth asked, sitting down next to you, placing a hand on your leg.

"A little dizzy," you replied, opening your eyes to see her looking at you with a bright smile, "This is so exciting! Have you thought of how to tell Jake?"

“How to tell Jake what?” Bob asked, scaring the life from you. 

“Um, to tell Jake that…I broke a nail,” you said, your lie as unconvincing as the face you made trying to think of it. You could see Lizzie roll her eyes at your poor attempt at lying over Bob’s shoulder. 

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?” he asked, a knowing look on his face. 

You tried to cover up the shock that struck you but all that could come out of your mouth was, “How did you know?”

“It was the way you talked to Jake on the phone last weekend, and how he’s smiling today. He can’t hide any emotion that crosses his mind can he?” Bob asked, chuckling a little, “Congratulations, I’m really happy for you two.” 

You nibbled your bottom lip, "Thank you, he was so worried and so scared and I just couldn't keep it from him!" you whisper shouted, a small smile etched on your lips.

"You should have, he looks as happy as he did on your wedding day," she giggled, "People will get the wrong idea."

"What's up with Jake," Cyclone asked, joining his wife on the pew next to you.

"Err.." Lizzie offered.

“Jake’s sister-in-law is pregnant, we got the news five minutes ago,” you replied.

“That’s wonderful, but people are starting to notice,” Cyclone said, “Mrs. McCreedy has already asked me if you were pregnant, because that’s the only reason she could think of for him to be smiling.”

“Huh,” Bob said, “Well… That was a fairly close guess…” 

Cyclone hummed, he turned around to wave down Peter and Matthew, the triplets having been left at home with a new babysitter. They were still too young to properly grasp the concept of a funeral and as this one was open casket, as per Father John’s request, The Simpsons’ didn’t really want to have to deal with the questions as well as manage their own grief. 

The boys shimmied into the pew, walking past their parents to sit as close to you as possible. 

“How are you two holding up?” you asked, wrapping your arms around the boys. 

“I’m doing okay, but Matthew hasn’t slept too well since Father John’s falls,” Peter leaned in close to whispered into your ear, “He’s been having nightmares,” 

“I have not!” Matthew protests, a deep blush turning his ears a dark burgundy and slowly creeping down his neck. Behind him, Elisabeth mouthed ‘He has’. You looked at Matthew with a frown, gently running your hand through his hair.

“There’s nothing wrong with having nightmares, it doesn’t make you any less brave. Jake and I have nightmares, and I’m sure Daddy does too,” you said, “And Peter used to have nightmares when he was your age.”

“No I didn’t! You’re a liar,” he exclaimed, jumping up from the seat, attracting looks from the people in the pews around you.

“Oh, so I didn’t have to hold you while you fell asleep after you watched an episode of Thomas The Tank Engine?” you asked him, your tone questioning. 

“No,” he answered too quickly, “I’m not scared of a cartoon,” he added. 

Matthew smiled next to him, “So if I ask to watch it later --”

“If you do that I will hide Mamma’s creepy old doll in your bed,” Peter said quickly. 

The smile vanished from Matthew’s face and the two boys settled down, their parents both giving them harsh looks for drawing attention during the funeral. Jake helped to lead the proceedings and by the end of the services, the smile he was trying so hard to keep off of his face was still there. 

“Mr. Seresin,” Mrs. McCreedy called, “Why is it that you have been smiling this whole service, is there something good you’d like to share with the group.” 

You quickly joined Jake’s side, plastering a smile on your own face before answering, “Well Mrs. McCreedy, just before the service we received word from Texas that our Sister-in-law is expecting another baby,” you said excitedly, “And we are just so thrilled for them.” 

When Jake looked at you, a bit of confusion on his face, you nudged him, hard. He immediately turned back to the older woman, “Oh yes, my brother Tony’s wife is expecting another little one,” he said with a smile. 

“Well,” Mrs. McCreedy said with a smile, “How blessed for them, maybe the two of you will be so lucky soon enough.” 

“We hope so,” you replied. 

Once everyone had a convincing story as to why Jake couldn’t keep the smile off his face, the rest of the day went rather smoothly. On the way home, he looked at you and you could feel the question he was about to ask, “We don’t tell anyone yet but our families,” you said quietly, “I just, I want to keep our little bean a secret a while longer, so they are just ours.” 

Jake nodded, “Alright, if that’s what you want darlin’.”

“I was thinking we could ask Bob and Maria to be the Godparents, what do you think?” you asked him, taking his hand in yours. 

Jake gave you his megawatt smile before answering, “I think that sounds great, I’m sure they will be so honoured.” 

You smiled back at him, bringing his hand down to rest on your still flat stomach for the rest of the drive home. 

[itsstrawberrymochi]

Hey! Do you take Kanao requests? Could you do a fluff where Kanao and reader are best friends with a crush on each other, and one day, reader confesses? Just something really fluffy for the soul ✨

Kanao Tsuyuri x reader fluff!

Omg yess she’s such an underrated character and deserves sm love 💕

I’ll be doing this in headcanon form with a little scenario at the end, please enjoy ^^

Prompt: friendship/crushing/relationship headcanons

💕- Since she’s such a shy and quiet girl you’ll have to be the one to make the first move if you want to be her friend

💕- You were Giyuu’s tsuguko and he would bring you almost everywhere with him including Pillar meetings, the demon hunter headquarters, or the butterfly Estate and you would always see her there with her teacher,Shinobu

💕- You were so relieved to meet her, it was nice to have someone around your age to talk to, yes Giyuu was good company and all but he was just your teacher so there wasn’t much you could talk about

💕- Every time you see her you would quickly run to talk to her

💕- It took her sometime before she opened up to you

💕- but once she did she became ✨attached✨ since it was rare for her to open up to to people

💕- You two become besto friendos in no time and would often hang out a lot

💕- You would definitely have to do all the talking in the friendship since she’s not much of a talker

💕- and she loves when you talk to her too! She loves all your weird stories or whatever crazy thing you’re talking about and she also loves when you talk about your day

💕- She’d have a sweet, gentle smile on and look at you with such eagerness in her eyes as she listens to you

💕- Your platonic feelings for each other quickly became romantic, you two loved everything about each other, but you two were pretty dense so neither of you knew how the other person felt

💕- Giyuu actually knew that you both crushes on each other, but he never told Shinobu because he knew she may accidentally spill it embarrassing you two

💕- He would always convince Shinobu to let you two go on mission together to try and get you to get together

💕- Giyuu your wingman 😎

💕-She always does most of the work when you two go on a mission and not to steal the thunder but she rather she get hurt than you

💕- You two would train together a lot but she would be so soft and gentle with you and if she ever hits you with some force she gets so scared and apologizes immediately

💕- You are literally the only one she laughs so often around and her laugh is so cute and soft

💕-You’re like her pillar 🥰 she needs you to get her through a day without getting anxious or scared

💕- Whenever you two would go to a pillar meeting with your teachers she’ll always hid behind you scared of the other pillars when they come up to talk to you two

💕- Kanao was the one who actually feel for you first, you were her first crush 🥺

💕- She really wanted to tell you how she felt and everyday she told herself she would but her nerves always took over, because of this she was practically convinced she would never be with you and it always made her sad but one dango- colored haired girl saved her.. kinda

You were currently laying under a random tree in the butterfly estate, Giyuu-sensei was busy on a mission so you had the day off

You were about to drift off to sleep but then you heard a sweet high-pitched voice that made your eyes flutter open

You leaned up and saw one of your sensei’s fellow pillars, Mitsuri.

“Hello y/n, enjoying your day off?” She asked as she took a seat near you

“Yes but I wish Kanao was here” you slightly frowned, subconsciously thinking about he purple-eyed girl

Kanoa was also on a mission like Giyuu and wouldn’t be back until later this afternoon or latest, tomorrow morning

“You think about her often don’t you?” Mitsuri giggled

“Ahhh what no! it’s just- well she’s my friend and I miss her that’s- that’s all!” you quickly say feeling flustered, you could feel the heat rush to your cheeks.

“I was only kidding y/n,” Mitsuri chuckled at your frantic emotions, “but you two would make the cutest couple” she cooed

You felt your heart race upon hearing those words

“Would we really make a cute couple?”

“Well we wouldn’t really know unless you two actually are one now would we?” She states enthusiastically

Time skip

You walked frantically up and down in the garden of the butterfly estate, your mind bubbling with what Mitsuri said and contemplating whether you should confess or not. If you told her about your feelings would she feel the same?

You really did want to tell her how you felt but you were afraid it would mess up the beautiful friendship you had and you weren’t ready to give that up. As you were lost in your thoughts Kanao called you by your name pulling you from them.

Your quick and spiraling mood was immediately melted away and replaced with shyness and tenderness upon looking at the beautiful girl

“is something wrong y/n?” she asked very concerned at your off behavior

“I- ugh I- ummm” you stumble with your words

Come on y/n just say it, just like a bandage rip it off,

“I LIKE YOU KANAO AND NOT LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND BUT AS A LOVER I- I LIKE LIKE YOU AND IF YOU FEEL THE SAME PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND” you let out a long breath as though you’ve been holding it this whole time

You slowly averted your eyes to her face to see her reaction, but all she did was blankly stare at you •_•, hurt immediately became your main emotion you were about to apologize but the her blank face soon turned into a smile

“I like like you too y/n and I’d love to be your girlfriend” she says in a more calm voice contray to your loud one

So what now? You thought,

“Can I kiss you?” You hoped your weren’t already moving too fast

She  nodded her head you then came up to her after hearing her approval

You were going to kiss her on her cheek but she quickly turned her head so you could kiss her on her lips

It was quick but sweet

You both just stood there for a moment very flustered at the very simple kiss but it was no simple to either of you

“Oh wait I need to give you something” she said and ran into the estate, when she came back she shyly handed you butterfly hair clip that was beautifully mixed with all your favorite colors

“I was going to give it to you when I confessed my feelings for you” she was currently looking down, her cheeks a light shade of pink

“How long did you have it?” You asked very curious because butterfly hair clips take some time to make

“About two months, I’m so sorry I didn’t confess !”

You assured her it was ok and you were just glad she felt the same way you felt for her

Dating headcanons

💕- She’ll randomly give you flowers and she’ll put them in your hair for you

💕- She really loves to do your hair! And it doesn’t matter what type you have she’ll be able to do it and it always looks great

💕- She’s like a cat, she’ll randomly come up to you and lay her head on your shoulder or lap but if you try to touch her she’ll run away

💕- She’s just over-flowing with so much emotions right now and she doesn’t know what to do soooo she ESCAPES

💕- Please be patient with the physical attention in the relationship she’s very shy and gets flustered easily, she doesn’t know how to react when you hug her so most times she runs or stands there awkwardly

💕- She’s not one for PDA but she would stand extremely close to you, brush her arm against yours , or often sit so close your shoulder are touching

💕- She really loves doing things for you she thinks it makes up for her lack of physical attention

💕- You forgot your book at the estate? she’ll get it! You’re thirsty? She’ll boil some tea for you, you’re carrying some meds for Shinobu? she’ll carry some if not all!

💕- and she likes doing it so it’s hard for her to stop when you say she doesn’t have to help so much

💕- She always shares her food with you especially when it comes to sweets

💕- She also love to blow bubbles with you, you two could spend hours in the garden just blowing bubbles

💕- When Shinobu found out she was beyond happy, she was so relived that Kanao was able to find true happiness and was able to come out of her shell

💕- She was even more happier to know it was you! She knows you’re good person

💕- Giyuu was happy too but he didn’t talk about as often as Shinobu, he would sometimes give you days off to go on dates with her

💕- Shinobu would joke and say your relationship was forbidden love since her and Giyuu would often have “brawls”

Romeo and Juliet? but everyone lives at the end

[bonjour-rainycity]

Imagine: Being friends with Alice and asking Carlisle for help on your chemistry homework

Characters: Cullen family, female reader

Rating: G

Word count: 2120

Warnings: None

Request by anon: Wait, omg I’m so happy I found a blog that’s updated recently and I’m definitely gonna ✨stalk✨ your blog and read all your writing after hw but if you’re still doing requests, I thought of something that I would just love to see written. And this could be short or something, y’know? It can be whatever you want it to be, but what if the reader is somewhat friends with the Cullens? Reader (maybe like 20 years old?) is invited to their house one weekend after bumping into Alice and becoming friends and from passing conversation, reader knows that Carlisle is a doctor so she asks him if he could help her with her organic chemistry hw cause she’s studying to be a med student? 

A/n Wow I’m so sorry this took me so long! It’s such a cute request and I loved writing it! Thanks for sending it in and for being patient with me :)

Shoot.

Mentally, I groan, stopping my progress towards my car.

I still have chem homework.

I fiddle with the keys in my hand, contemplating. You could go home…lay in bed…maybe with a pint of ice cream…and pass out in a stress and sugar-induced coma.

Oh, how tempting.

But then I remind myself of why I’m putting myself through the hell that is a STEM degree, and turn on my heel, heading back to campus. I know I won’t get any work done if I go home, so the library it is! Thank goodness it’s open twenty-four hours, because it’s creeping up to eleven and I don’t have the heart to return to one of the academic buildings.

Seeing as it’s Friday night, the library isn’t crowded. Still, I push past all the tables on the first floor and head up to my favorite spot on the second. Settling in at my favorite partially secluded table, I pull out my organic chemistry textbook, pop in my earbuds, and get to work.

{***}

A small, pale hand skims over the table near my book, and I look up with a start.

Alice Cullen stands by my desk, clutching a set of books that look too heavy for her thin arms, but she seems to be managing fine. She and I met during the first week of classes, and have been tentative friends ever since. We don’t see much of each other, given our varying degree programs, but she always greets me with a friendly smile and an offer to join her to study. I pull out my headphones, and give her a tired smile. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good!” She smiles excitedly, somehow keeping her energy levels at—I check the time on my phone—1:12 am! “Have you been here for long?”

I shrug, feeling the weight of the late hour on my shoulders. “Since around eleven. I was going home but then I forgot I have o-chem homework. I don’t think it should be taking me this long, but I’m struggling. Thankfully only half of it is due in the morning. The rest isn’t due until after the weekend.”

Alice peers over to look at my book and the problems I work through in my notebook. “Oh, those do look hard. But you know, my dad is a doctor, and he probably knows this stuff like the back of his hand. He’d be more than happy to help you.”

I blanch. An invitation to the Cullen’s house? And free help on o-chem homework?

But then I remember my manners. “Oh, thank you, but I couldn’t—”

“Please,” she squeaks, balancing her books in one arm and using the other to retrieve her phone. “We’d be happy to have you over! I’ll let my family know. Does tomorrow around lunchtime work?”

“Uh,” I swallow, not sure I’m believing my ears. “That works great, thank you! I can bring the food?”

She shakes her head, waving off the offer. “Don’t worry about it—Mom loves to cook and will be excited to really use the kitchen. Oh! And there’s this new series my sisters and I have been dying to watch. It’s called Broadchurch. Have you heard of it? Maybe we can start it and see if it’s any good!”

I nod dumbly, too tired and relieved for the help to refuse again. “That sounds fun! Thank you.”

“Of course,” she smiles, shrugging like it’s nothing. “What are friends for?”

My smile softens. She considers us friends. “Do you want to walk out together? It’s pretty late.”

She beams and waits while I collect my stuff.

{***}

I pull up to the front of the massive house.

Alice is waiting for me on the porch. She waves excitedly, and I notice her fiancé standing near the door, looking uncomfortable. I stifle a chuckle. It’s well-known that Jasper, introvert in every sense of the word, fell hard for Alice who is the embodiment of an extravert. I wave, grabbing my backpack and stepping out of the car.

“Welcome,” Alice practically shouts. Jasper gives me a polite nod.

I smile at the two of them, calling out my hello’s and climbing the stairs to the porch. The second Jasper opens the door, I’m greeted by the warm smile of Esme Cullen.

“Hello, Y/n, welcome to our home! We are so happy to have you here.” She extends a warm smile, one I can’t help but return immediately.

Alice leads us straight to the living room, where two of her adoptive siblings, Emmett and Rosalie, lounge. Rosalie sketches something I can’t see, and Emmett yells loudly at the TV, losing at a video game.

“Beat it, Emmett,” Alice chirps, dancing over and taking the controller from his hands. “We’re going to watch Broadchurch.”

Putting his frustration at the game aside, Emmett grins, standing and ruffling Alice’s hair. “Alright, I was getting my ass kicked anyway. Hey, Y/n, good to see you again.”

I return his greeting, familiar with Emmett from an intro to theatre class we had together last semester. The image of his interpretation of Juliet for our final project comes to mind, and I have to stifle a laugh. Emmett goes to leave the room, pulling Jasper with him.

“Send Bella down, would you,” Alice calls after them, already settling on the couch. “Rose, you know Y/n, right?”

Rosalie looks up from her sketching. She smiles briefly at me, then returns to her task. I sit awkwardly next to Alice, waiting for Bella so we can start the show.

“There aren’t many women in STEM.”

My head shoots up, wide eyes turning in Rosalie’s direction. She doesn’t look up from her work, but I know she’s addressing me—Alice is studying fashion merchandising and design.

“Y-yeah,” I stammer. Alice’s older sister is just so intimidating. Well-spoken, obviously intelligent, tall, prettier than anyone I’ve ever met, and top of her law class. She’s not exactly warm either, like her mother or sister—even now, there’s a cold bite to her tone. But the edges of her lips quirk up, and I can tell she’s being nice.

“Don’t let the guys push you around. What you’re doing is important, and you’re probably smarter than them. What do you want to do with your degree?”

The answer, always on my heart and mind, is automatic. “I want to be a doctor. So, med school is next.”

She nods once. “Good.”

And apparently that’s the end of our conversation.

I try to hide my smile by rummaging around in my backpack for my water bottle. It’s nice to feel supported.

Bella comes gliding down the stairs and twists into the living room, folding herself easily onto the love seat. She greets me, and then tosses me the throw over the back of her couch. Alice nods as if forgetting something, then reaches into a basket hidden between our couch and Rosalie’s chair and produces three more blankets, throwing two to her sisters and keeping one for herself. She shoots me a grin as each of us, even the serious Rosalie, snuggles up.

Alice stands, turning off the lights and then wraps back in her blanket and scoots near me on the couch. “I hope this is good!” With a grin, she opens Netflix and plays the first episode.

{***}

Broadchurch does not disappoint. Before I know it, we’re halfway through the second episode, eyes glued to the screen. Bella, who was definitely reading a book under her blanket at the start, has put it to the side, leaning forward and watching the show intently.

The front door creaks, then clicks closed, and Alice smiles, pressing pause on the remote. “Dad’s home.”

Before long, the famed local doctor comes in to say hi to the girls and to greet me. He’s just as welcoming as his wife!

“Alice told me you are having trouble with some organic chemistry homework?”

I nod, hoping it’s not too much to ask for his help. “I got a good start on some of the problems last night, but I keep messing up. I’m not really sure where I’m going wrong—there’s no answer key so I can’t work backwards through the problems.”

He nods, casually resting his hands in the pocket of his slacks. “I remember o-chem homework quite well.” He grins conspiratorially. “It is the bane of many a med student’s existence. Why don’t you girls finish up your episode and then join Esme and me in the kitchen for lunch? I can take a look at your homework if you like.”

Relief washes over me. “That would be great, thank you so much.”

He smiles warmly. “Of course. Now, if you all will excuse me….” With a twinkle in his eye, he leaves us to rejoin his wife.

This family is so nice! I wonder why they get so much flack at school?

Alice resumes the episode, and soon my musings are washed away as I try to piece together the mystery of the murder before the detectives can.

{***}

Esme is a wonderful cook. Carlisle sings her praises but doesn’t fix a plate for himself, saying he ate plenty as she was cooking. We all sit down at the table, though I’m the only one who eats in earnest — Bella claims to be filled up on snacks, Rose says she’s on a diet, and Alice takes a small helping for herself, every now and then poking the chicken in mild disgust. I don’t see what the problem is, the food is fantastic!

Carlisle sits down next to me, and I slide my textbook and notebook in his direction. He smiles, looking almost nostalgic. “I remember these. The good news is, as a doctor, you won’t be doing much of this in day-to-day life, if at all. But it is important for some courses you will take in medical school, so it’s best to master the concepts now. See, on number nineteen, you start the problem correctly, but get lost once you have to balance the equation to continue. Instead of waiting until the middle to balance, I would do that first, that way, you have a solid base before moving on to solve the rest of the problem.”

I nod, peering over at the paper intently. I hadn’t tried that strategy before.

Carlisle takes out a pen, and begins scratching out an equation. Then, he grins, shaking his head, and crosses it out, starting again in much neater handwriting. “Forgive my penmanship. Though, if you decide to continue and become a practicing doctor, your handwriting will soon be indecipherable, too.”

From across the table, Rosalie snorts, and I can’t help but laugh along. It seems almost a rite of passage for a doctor to have horrendous handwriting.

In clearer script, Carlisle continues working out the problem, then slides the paper over for me to see. He explains what he did at each step, and I nod along, trying to commit as much of it to memory as possible. He works out another problem in the same way, then asks me to try on my own. I smile tentatively as I go, hesitant to accept that I actually know how to do the problem now.

But I do.

It takes concentration to work through the steps, but I can, which is a far cry from where I was last night. Carlisle waves off my thanks, saying I just needed to try a different approach, but I had it within me all along. I bring up another section I had issues with—structures of the elements—and Carlisle teaches me a better strategy for memorizing a few and then figuring out the rest. By the time Esme and Bella have put the food away, my homework is done—in a fourth of the time it would have taken me struggling through it on my own.

“Seriously, Dr. Cullen, thank you so much.”

He smiles pleasantly, handing me back my textbook. “Of course. If you need help again, just come on over. I know the girls love having the company, and my wife and I enjoyed the opportunity to meet you as well.”

Esme appears behind her husband, laying her hands affectionately on his shoulders. “Absolutely, Y/n. Please come over any time.”

I pack up my homework and thank them once again for lunch and for the help. Alice darts to my side, grinning. “Ready to finish the episode?”

I feel so much lighter now that my homework is done, and I don’t feel guilty at all for spending time with my new friends. In fact, I may even indulge in that ice cream when I get home.

“Absolutely.”

A/n Thanks for reading! If you have a moment, here’s the link to my masterlist :)

[daddyjackfrost]

i'm not sure if i have anyy suggestions that you'll want to write, but i'll send them in as they come to mind

so excited for your writing ^^ no pressure though, best of luck with your studies!!

y/n is studying (something difficult, maybe pre-med or med school?) and is feeling a little drained and self-doubtful. she gets up from her space to take a second and is reminded of a time she spent with <whichever haikyuu boy you'd like to write about>. they hadn't gotten to spend much time together as a result of their busy schedule, so the memory of this weekend is especially special to her. start flashback of fluff they had met for dinner, spent time together, cuddled and slept (not 18+) together. they both woke up early but opted to stay in bed together, content in eachother's company, making small talk, laughing softly, fluffy stuff. y/n had brought up her struggles to <haikyuu boy of choice> and he'd been there for her to confide in. she knows its her dream, but casually wonders if she isnt cut out for it. he actively listens, offering comforting touches, until she's finished and then helps her talk it out until she's back up in confidence. more fluffy morning end lashback of fluff y/n feels better having remembered <hq boy>'s pep talk and resumes her efforts.

yeesh, idk how long/short/detailed/vague suggestions are supposed to be, so sorry! 😅 i'll try to be more vague, if you'd like, in the future

hi!! omg u r SO cute i’m in love. anyways, i love your suggestion! it’s amazing. and don’t worry, the more detail the better!

for this request, i’ve chosen Daichi. because i’m a daichi whore i believe in daichi supremacy

Warnings: none :) fluff, daichi x f!reader

alright, anyways, enjoy!

You stared at the piles of paper on your bed. You couldn’t even begin to recall what the different colours of the paper meant. You were just glad you had written it down on your phone.

“This is ridiculous,” you whispered to yourself.

Your back was aching, your muscles were sore, and your eyes burned from the constant strain. You had a final coming up and it was killing you in more ways then one.

“Is this even worth it? I mean, really, what are the chances of me getting into med school?”

You groaned and fell back on your pillow. You dragged your hands down your face. You had been spiraling down a tunnel of self-doubt and it was affecting you. You had begun talking to yourself even more than usual, especially since you cut contact from everyone for a couple of days.

Your phone chimed beside you and you turned your head to face it. You had promised yourself to turn it off, except you forgot.

Well, you didn’t forget, you just didn’t want too.

You picked it up and your eyes fell on the message that your boyfriend left you.

From: acab but not him🙄❣️

‘good evening, beautiful. make sure to eat something, yeah? and get some fresh air. you’ve got this babe, i believe in you❣️’

You smiled at the message. Unknowingly, a few small tears formed at the corners of your eyes. Daichi had a week long training camp that coincidentally aligned with your final. Now, Daichi was in Tokyo and you were cooped up in your room. 

Daichi had made it his job to send you texts almost every hour to remind you he loved you and to eat. You didn’t think you could love him even more.

Due to his own busy schedule, Daichi and you hadn’t been able to spend too much time together before he left. But you knew that as soon as you had taken the final, you were going to spent three days in his arms.

You sent a quick text back, telling him you loved him and that you were going to get something to eat now.

You slowly slid out of bed, making your bed and your bones make noise out of agony. Your knees cracked and you looked down. “Just break,” you prayed.

When nothing happened, you huffed out an annoyed breath and made your way to your kitchen. You and Daichi had moved into an apartment two years ago, and you loved every part of it. Your home was your baby.

As you walked, your eyes fell upon the black leather jacket that laid jumbled up on the couch. Your thoughts immediately flashed to the weekend, the last time you had seen Daichi.

It was Friday night, which meant date night for you and the police officer, and it was perfect.

You parked your car outside of the Miyagi Police Station, waiting for Daichi.

You stood outside, enjoying the light breeze. Daichi had texted you to give him a couple minutes. Today was Friday, which meant date night for you and your lover.

You heard some ruckus and lifted your head, meeting Daichi’s warm gaze. He had a large grin etched onto his face and you felt your own lips pull into a smile.

Daichi walked up to you and pressed a quick kiss to your forehead. “Hello, darling.”

You brushed away the few dark locks that fell on his forehead. “Hello, officer.”

Daichi’s eyes slightly narrows at the use of the word. He absolutely loved and hated when you called him officer. It did things to him.

“Come, let’s go. I’m starving.”

You nodded and pulled away from him, walking to the drivers seat. Daichi always insisted you drive when you picked him up because he wanted to ‘get his full of you’ because he was at work. You never truly understood it, but you liked his heated stare on you so you never said anything.

You and Daichi ended up going to your favourite restaurant. You went here a lot, and were now on first name basis with the manager and half of the employees.

You and Daichi both ordered your regulars and ate peacefully, with some small talk here and there. A hungry Daichi usually resulted in a quiet Daichi.

After dinner, you drove to the park by your house to get some fresh air and to work off some of the food you just ate.

Late night walks with Daichi were your favourite little activities you did with him. Daichi loved late night walks with you too. He loved watching the moon glow on your skin as you stared adoringly at the stars.

Daichi held your hand in his, gently swinging them. He wore black jeans and his favourite grey shirt, with his black worn out leather jacket you had gotten him a couple of years ago.

You kept your eyes on him. His skin glistened in the moonlight and you found him as beautiful as the stars that twinkled above him, if not more.

“What’re you thinkin’ bout, love?”

You turned your head, finding it completely unfair that someone so beautiful stood next to you.

“You,” you mumbled truthfully.

“Is that so?” Daichi’s voice came out teasingly.

You let go of his hand and skipped forward until you stood a couple of feet away from him. You pointed at him and he stopped, hands in his pockets and a smile on his face.

“You, Sawa, are the love of my life.”

Daichi’s eyes widened slightly and a flush of pink now rested on his face. Daichi cleared his throat but couldn’t help the grin that had replaced his smile.

“And you’re mine.”

You grinned at him and then continued to walk until you reached the hill that overlooked your neighborhood. You crouched down, and then sat down, pulling your knees to your chest.

Daichi soon followed, except he sat behind you, and spread his legs so you were sitting between them. He pulled you close to your chest, until your back rested completely against his chest.

You tilted your head back, resting it on Daichi’s shoulder. One of Daichi’s large, warm, hands laid on your stomach, rubbing softly. The other was playing with your hair.

This is it, you thought. I’ll never love anyone the way I love him.

You looked up at the stars. You had always had a fascination with the balls of of heat and energy. When you were a child, your dream was to become a star. You’re not quite sure when that dream led you on the path of medicine, but it did.

Daichi stared at you. It didn’t matter that you two had been together for almost six years, Daichi could never get over how beautiful you were.

The way your hair glistened in the moonlight, the way your eyes twinkled, as if you held the stars in them yourselves. Daichi stared at you the way you stared at the stars.

With complete and utter adoration.

Daichi’s eyes landed on your hands. He watched as they slight shook, and how your tried to make them stop.

He frowned. Your hands only shook when your were stressed.

As swiftly as he could, Daichi grabbed your shaking hands and held them together, complete engulfing them in his own.

“You’re shaking, love. What’s the matter?”

You froze. Caught.

Even though you should have been calm, happy even, since you sat under the stars with your lover, the final that loomed over your shoulder had your nervous system in shambles.

Daichi’s thumbs rubbed the backs of your hands as he waited for your response.

“I’m just nervous,” you mumbled. You hated speaking about up-coming tests or finals. You always had really bad anxiety when it came to any form of testing, and Daichi knew that.

He knew everything about you.

“What about?”

You sighed and extended your legs. Daichi had a way with words. Even when he didn’t speak much, his presence and silence alone spoke tenfold.

“Nothing, really,” you let out an awkward laugh. “You know I’m always a little bit nervous.”

Daichi wanted to press on the matter. He wanted you to speak to him, he wanted to be able to share your stress. But he also knew that you would talk to him when you were ready.

Daichi pressed a soft kiss on your neck. “Talk to me when you’re ready, love.”

You nodded. “I will.”

Daichi kissed the small space behind your earlobe. “Let’s go home, yeah?” You nodded, agreeing. Daichi stood up and then put out his hand for you. You grabbed it, and let him pull you up with ease.

You two began the journey home, reaching in a couple of minutes.

You and Daichi changed into your nightwear. You were wearing one of Daichi’s shirts, and he was just wearing grey sweatpants.

You couldn’t keep your eyes off his body, but managed to look away before he caught you.

Daichi slipped under the covers, and then lifted them. He patted his chest. “Come lay on me.”

You immediately obliged, jumping onto his chest, causing Daichi to let out a small grunt.

You let all your wait drop on Daichi’s body. Your head was in the crook of his neck, and your chest lay flat against his. You could feel his heartbeat against yours and it took you a moment to realize that both your hearts beat at the same time.

As one.

Daichi slid his left hand under your—his—shirt, rubbing your back. It was these moments he wanted to truly cherished. He knew you were stressed about the final that was coming up. He had put the date in his phone when you mentioned it.

Daichi realized that today had been the quietest days you two had had. But he didn’t mind. He loved everyday with you. The quiet, the loud, the hectic, and the crazy.

Daichi began to hum. He could feel the knots in your back, and he knew you should have a nice relaxing weekend before you began to study.

Before he knew it, Daichi heard your soft snores fill the air.

A wide smile broke out on his face. Daichi absolutely adored your sleeping face. All your worry lines disappeared and you looked the most at peace when you slept in his arms.

Daichi slightly pushed himself up. He wanted to be able to see your properly. His brown eyes softened at the sight of your hand against chest. You often called him a creep for staring at your sleeping face, but he always just shrugged it off.

After some time, Daichi found himself driting off to sleep, but not before he tightened his hold on you and kissed your forehead. “Sleep well, my love.”

Hours later, your eyes fluttered open, but you immediately cringed and shut them again.

The sun was facing directly at you. You had forgotten to close your blinds.

You tried to adjust your posture, but immediately stopped when you heard a low rumble from Daichi. No, you felt it, and you froze at the vibrations.

“Don’t move, love.”

Daichi’s voice was low and husky, and slightly dry. You lifted your head and found yourself still laying on his chest. Daichi’s arms were securely wrapped around you, his eyes were shut.

The sound of his morning voice hit you right in the stomach and you couldn’t help but brush your fingers against his cheekbones.

Daichi’s eyes shot open. His dark brown eyes met yours, and for a moment, everything stopped.

You looked so beautiful, Daichi thought.

“Good morning,” you whispered.

Daichi smiled at you and let his head drop back on the pillow. “It is a very good morning, indeed.”

You used your hands and slightly pushed yourself up, so you were now straddling Daichi’s waist. His eyes opened and landed on your nervous smile.

“What’s wrong?”

Daichi grabbed your hips and pushed himself up, so his back was against the headboard.

You now sat on his thighs, and his hold on you tightened a little bit.

You stared at the man in front of you. Even after having you sleep on him for hours, he still looked perfect. It pissed you off, especially since you knew you probably had some drool on your chin.

Daichi leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to your forehead. “Talk to me.”

You nodded and began to play with your fingers.

You couldn’t help but think of the final you had to take in a couple of days. It didn’t make sense, you thought. You had taken finals and tests before, but for some reason, the one you had in five days had disrupted your sleep and taken over your life.

“I’m so nervous for the final, Sawa. I feel like there’s a knot in my stomach and it keeps tightening. I can’t breathe.”

Daichi began to rub the skin above your hip with his fingers. He listened attentively. He was gonna let you talk first, getting everything off your chest.

“I know I always complain and then end up doing well, but what if this is the one I flunk? What if this is the one I end up failing? It’s so nerve wracking. I don’t even know if I wanna do this anymore.”

Daichi’s hands slipped under your shirt and he slowly began to massage your back and shoulder muscles. He wanted to offer you physical comfort.

He knew you were often a mess of nerves and anxiety a week before any test, and no matter how many times he assured you that you would do fine, you always ended up getting caught up in your head.

“I know it’s my dream. But at this point, dropping out sounds ideal. There’s enough doctors in the world, right? Maybe I should do something less nerve wracking.”

You sighed and closed your eyes. It felt nice to finally get your thoughts off your chest.

Daichi’s hands squeezed your hips in response. He hated hearing you talking yourself down. It made him feel so helpless, because for him, you were his everything. He had the upmost respect and belief in you.

“Y/n, love, from everyone in your life, you are the only one who doesn’t fully believe you can do this. I know medicine is a very hard and competitive occupation, but you know I believe in you. If anyone can power through this, it’s you.”

Tears had pooled in your eyes. Daichi had always been so good with words. You knew that Daichi had always been mature for his age, meaning his patience and abilityto comfort you was far better than anyone else’s.

His compassion and understanding was his greatest qualities. His calming aura always managed to break through all your walls. It was what made him such a good captain.

“What if I fail?”

You had mumbled your question, hoping he wouldn’t have caught it.

But he did.

Daichi leaned in and kissed your nose “You won’t. And if you do, then you fail. You shouldn’t be scared to fail, y/n. You should be scared to give up. If you fail, you can always take it again.”

You sighed and lightly nodded. Although you appreciated his words, you knew they would only comfort you for a day or two.

“Thank you, Sawa.”

You tried getting up from his lap, but Daichi had other plans. He grabbed your hips tightly and leaned in, kissing your lips.

You didn’t hesitate, you just began to kiss him back eagerly.

Daichi’s right hand slid up your back, pushing you into him.

Your lips moved together in sync, and you brought your hands to his hair, clutching the soft ends tightly.

Daichi slightly pulled away, only to gently kiss your lips again.

Before you could deepen it, he pulled away again.

“It’s not easy, y/n. But accomplishing your dream never is. You’re gonna do great, just like you always do. I believe in you, and it’s time you do as well.”

His words wrapped around your anxious thoughts and completely anguished them.

You nodded, your nose brushing his.

You closed your eyes and let your head drop on his shoulder. Daichi wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you flush against his chest.

You stayed in that position for hours.

You in Daichi’s lap, with his hands running up and down your back as he comforted you with his words of love and stories to keep your mind off everything.

You blinked a couple of times, trying to recall what exactly what exactly what you were doing.

As you recalled Daichi’s words, you let out a small breath.

He was right, you thought. You weren’t going to fail and you were going to be okay.

You grabbed the leather jacket, and slipped it on. It smelled of Daichi and it was exactly what you needed right now.

You walked into the kitchen and grabbed a packet of ramen.

As you made the noddles, you unknowingly smiled the whole time.

Thinking of Daichi had lifted your spirits and you felt better.

He loved you, and he believed in you, and for you, that was enough.

MAN, THIS SUCKS. I HAD TO RE-WRITE IT LIKE FOUR TIMES GODDAMN.

anyways, i absolutely love and adore daichi, and this is kinda eh😬 so forgive me. I’d been swarmed w work the past week and have no creative juices left.

i will write about this handsome man again.

daddyjackfrost © 2021 | all content belongs to me, do not modify

[little-silly-bear]

Hello Cookie!! Can you explain autism symptoms for me?

Hi dear! Well it’s a very big argument and I want to talk about my experience that is different from others on the spectrum since every person is unique. I was diagnosed the last year and it was a shock since I’m 23 and I lived my whole life thinking “what is wrong with me? Why I just can’t get friends or having a conversation like the others?” Tumblr literally saved me, I saw a lot of post of regressors that are on the autism spectrum and I was like “Wait..that isn’t normal? I mean not everyone do that?”. So I did a loooot and I mean a looooot of researches on this argument, I tried to study more that I could and I found myself at home.

I can try to summarise the big symptoms for you (I’m not an expert I’m just a kiddo pls don’t be mean if I say or spell something wrong it’s also 5 am here) :

Sensory issues-it means that you have one or more senses very high, you’re sensitive to touch, smells, tastes, sounds or sights and they are more but I don’t remember those ahah! You can have all of them or a mix of them, usually they are more that one. You can’t stand having targets on your shirt, some kind of fabrics drives you crazy and you just really need that blanket to live a regular life and can’t understand why? Yeah me too. Most of the time they are bad, like some sounds literally makes me crazy, in high school I spent a terrible time because no one believed that I felt pain for certain sounds or lights. But I try my best to concentrate on what makes me happy like the fluffy blankets, not having socks, sleeping with a weight blanket, walking with my cancelling headphones and the taste of a cheesy pizza. You just need to listen to your brain if that light is too much please, when possible turning off, your health comes first! I tried to suppress this feelings my whole life to make other people “comfortable” aroun me but not anymore! If a room is too crowded and I literally hear every person talking, I usually feel very sick and need to recharge in another room. When I was a kid and my parents used to take me to the mall I literally fainted, they thought it was something that makes me unique but now we now it was my body reacting to overstimulation.

Having trouble socialising and in building relationships. This was the first criteria that convinced my therapist that I needed a test. As I told before I never get other people, they seemed like a different species to me and if I wanted a friend I needed to work really hard on acting and behaving like them. Obviously I failed every single time because I couldn’t resist more than few weeks? Also this was around elementary/middle school when in my head I needed friends like a task to do 😂 when I realised that I was way more happier by myself I didn’t try it again! But for me, like a lot of us is difficult because everything is built in a way that isn’t ours, every single conversation is based on a neurotypical way. The small talks, the chit chat, I never get this things, why we need to talk about the weather when we can talk about how cool is the Pokémon Go game? Do you know what I mean? I think you does. Also big tip try to talk with a person on the autism spectrum and see if you’re more comfortable and tuned with them, I had three friends irl ,we’re all on the spectrum and let me tell you that is so much easier talk and keeping a relationship when you both understand each other.

Special interests!! Omg! Pls don’t get me started I will never end this post 😂 they literally saved my life, I didn’t know they were special interest until my therapist told me but let me tell you that I have a lot of them!!! Special interests are one or more subjects that you have a deep, almost professional, passion about. They can be simple, scholastic or very complex topic. And you don’t need to be an encyclopaedia to prove that is your special interest, the same fact that you have something that you reaaaaaally love talking about and can’t stop learning more and more about it makes it valid. Let me tell you that at the age 10 I learned Japanese because I fell in love with Japan culture, I didn’t have internet I studied from books and old movies/animes. I never thought that was a special interest because for me it was just my way of loving something.

Stimming. This is something that our dear cousins with ADHD have in common with us. Most of the times someone in the autism spectrum have also adhd and viceversa but it isn’t always the case. Stimming is a natural process to express our emotions, it comes naturally and it’s like an electric feelings (for me) it’s something that you can’t stop and if you tried to suppress it will grow and make you feel worst (not like in a tic or ocd way more in a mental state). Everyone stim, people stimming to music is very acceptable and well viewed by the society but people like us need to stim to express our emotional state. I personally suppressed my stims for so many years because of bad teachers that im still trying to relearn most of them. It’s a common thing to having your diagnosis or starting to accept your autistic traits and then see your stims grow like never before! Most are gestures like flappy hands or jumping when you’re happy or if you ate a good food but they could be everything like chewing, singing, humming, bouncing legs, hair wrapping, scratching, eating nails, watching aesthetic photos, listening a song on repeat or clapping hands.

They’re more and more things to add in this list but I already did a long post and I got so excited for this question that I forgot to take my meds 😂 I tried to summarise with the points that my therapist told me were the most relevant for my diagnosis. Let me know if you need more advices, my dms are always open for you little beans that need help or tips from your big sibling! Have a good day and happy stimming to everyone 💕

[tsurangaconundrum]

Hey bestie!! Yeah that was me the other day with the mangos, seriously I really shoulda looked it up or something cuz that was almost as bad as the time i accidentally used powdered sugar instead of flour. I hope whatever beings that look down at us like ants talk about me like posts about jensen ackles. Maybe i wanna be the pretty man with the fruity little boots! You ever been in onea those houses that look like hgtv? I Do Not Belong Here. Also i forgot my meds at home lmfaooo. Youve probably seen those oil pumps, the ones that look like birds pecking, yeah? (unrelated but onetime we found some frog eggs in the water tank of one and we took em home and raised em up into frogs!). And they have those out in the ocean, one exploded recently i think?? So we was watchin a video on em and apparently they build em close to each other and idk if the guys from one rig will boat to another to like play cards or something but i think it would be fun if they did. Also i think theyre kinda rad looking, like if they werent so bad for the enviroment and stuff i think ppl should just live on those. I guess itd be hard to make money there? Tho they can be fairly self sufficient too i think. But ok there was this scooby doo episode on onea these and velma was like gay for this mermaid?? Idk it was pretty much my fav one except ofc she turned out not actually being a mermaid which was lame cuz i think mermaids fuckin rock. Tho i think the idea of freshwater mermaids is much cooler. Like imagine getting pulled to ur death in a river not by the undertow but cuz u stepped too close to a mermaid hole. Fuckin awesome shit there. Ohh speaking of which I seen ur thing on japanesenatural, but like. Thats such a clever take on spn??? Everything i know about japanese ppl comes secondhand, friends, neighbors, social studies, etc. but i like reading about ur stuff on it. Every time someone takes spn and looks at it through a different lense, especially identity based, its always so good. Its about giving fictional characters ur lived experiences and processing things thru them ig. Also i saw yall was talking about poems earlier and while i dont know a lot of em i rlly like that one about the orange and idk if someone brought that one up already. “I love you im glad i exist” OK!!!!!! OK!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling some things! Love how cas is very into bees like every time this bitch mentions insects im just!!!! Mmmm and i personally, being rhe person who has a ton of useless info on insects (not so much specifically bees but i know some. Mostly cuza castiel actually.) very much enjoy this. Yessssss lets talk about insects ily bestie!! I love being friends with other queer ppl…. Like omg same! I dont remember what i said to u last time also i feel like i just talked a lot so im gonna go before i start repeating myself also isnt it so frickin crazy its sunday??? And like the 4th of july. Here they only can have sponsored city approved firework shows so they already did those, but back home peoplell still be shootin off fireworks till next sunday lol. Im glad we arent doing anything this year. Learning from perspectives outside of the country has made patriotism taste much more rotten. How ru????????? I think its weird when ppl have cameras everywhere like in the house im in theres an ipad set up in the kitchen and u can see every angle of the outsidea the house. Some guy in my neighborhood has like floodlights and a buncha cameras all over their house that always comes on when im walkin the dogs at night and ik they got robbed a few times so /ig/ it makes sense but also theyre all really annoying and the dad is a cop and every person in my neighborhood who got robbed was a total asshole so like??? Is it rlly a crime if its funny?? Mbby if u stopped posting about qanon on facebook ppl would like u more smh. No but crime is bad ig. I wish ppl would garden with me cuz a lotta these people have nice manicured lawns (and seriously FUCK those. Biodiversity ftw babey!!) but dont rlly know how to garden which is different from me cuz i know how im just bad at it

DSFJJSDFJKL dba first off. powdered sugar instead of FLOUR????? also im so glad you like japanesenatural i think it's very fun as well! tasty treat just for me. as for the orange poem it's literally my favorite poem of all time i read it for the first time like sitting in class and fully tearing up it's so good. happy fourth of july to you too! i hope you have many people to talk insects with bestie. as for gardens i literally killed my little cactus i kept in a window sooooo. oops. i'll leave that to u guys.