#Online Assignment Help Sunshine

[sungiescheotluv]

champagne supernova ⭑.ᐟ park jisung

pairing: park jisung x gender neutral reader

word count: 4.2k

tags/warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, emo(ish) jisung, non-idol au.

summary: making friends as an adult is difficult. luckily for you, the rock/alternative online community welcomes you with open arms, one person in particular catching your interest.

notes: hi thereee! 😁 back again with another jisung fic, one that i actually came up with myself lmao. since getting back into the dreamies, i've been a bit surprised by (but absolutely loving) jisung's taste in music. hence this silly fic, which i do hope you enjoy! thank you so much for all your recent support, it makes my heart smile whenever you like or comment on a post! anyways, happy reading! much loveeeee! <3

The concept of internet safety is lost on you. How else could you explain sharing a hotel room with someone you’d never met before in real life? 

Perhaps, you should retrace your steps. See how you’ve managed to find yourself in such a dangerous position, the front door locked and your body pinned to the bed.

Making friends as an adult is difficult. On par with counting every grain of rice in a field, you’d say.

You underestimated how easy maintaining friendship was when younger, third places like school, daycares, extra-curricular activities demanding your presence, inadvertently strengthening your social life. Not that you were the most social, you had a hard time approaching people actually, but maybe that was a part of your charm. Bringing you out of your shell, like all your friends did before your bond was cemented in tree trunks or sandy beaches. University is the last place you take this ease for granted, exposed to all different kinds of people and relationships, some platonic and not-so much. Either way, despite the barge of assignments and countless nights out, you’d make it into adulthood relatively unscathed.

Adulthood, however, doesn’t turn out as you expect. You’d been sold a dream, one eight-year old you envisioned dabbling with the stars accompanied by a lavish life and all the ice-cream you could get your hands on. Unfortunately, no star would be rubbing shoulders with you anytime soon and any that would, you’d have to pay a large sum of money to even see. A large sum you did not have. So, yeah. Just that, toxic work culture, endless bills and a whole host of other obligations linger above your head like a grey cloud.

What helps is finding the small joys in life. Slow mornings when the city is asleep, the scent of coffee at the crack of dawn, the sunshine against your skin, friends who despite their busy schedules carve out time to see you. All pieces of your life that make it worth living. Music is in there too, the art of melodies and lyrics strung together having the strange ability to carry you throughout even your worst days.

Your moods refuse to stick to a certain genre and in the midst of dark afternoons and frost covered roads, you find yourself gravitating towards alternative music. Slow, steady and aching. Like how your life moves with the severe lack of sun. It’s not a genre your circle of friends dabble in as much as you do. It’s to be expected, anyone who deviates from a standard of ‘normalcy’ was outcasted, one too many examples found in your high school days where kids got called weird and satanic for wearing a Green Day t-shirt to school. The thought makes you laugh now, but back then, when all that matters is fitting in, it was sad and suffocating. Seeing a part of yourself denied before your very eyes. Sometimes you’d hang out with those kids, bond over your collection of CDs and even go to a few gigs together. However, when Monday came around and they’d approach you and your friends, raving about the concert - you froze. Confronted into either owning yourself and being outcasted like the rest of the emo kids or ignoring them, deny yourself for the sake of social standing. 

You pretend like they’ve grown two heads, feigned confusion knitting your eyebrows together while your friends laugh and hurl insults at someone who you considered a friend - a better one than the ones at your side. And yet, you let the laughter continue, a coward with its tail between its legs as you depart, the taste of iron on your tongue.

Maybe this is payback for those poor decisions. A dead-end job, a successful but shitting ex and enough inner turmoil to make a therapist clutch their pearls. 

You abandon those friends when you get to university, getting better ones that wouldn’t make someone feel small due to their own insecurities. You make amends with the emo kids, your apology marking the true end of your friendship. You search online spaces for like-minded people, showing up as yourself and being embraced as. Everyone in the Reddit community is unbelievably sweet, sharing their music recommendations, concert wishlists and pictures of their cats. Some members, including yourself, form a closer bond, taking your conversation to a Discord server that becomes your escape in a way. A channel for heartfelt discussion that extends past your love for music. You’re not as active due to work obligations, but whenever you pop up, one member in particular always greets you with a warmth like no other. 

Linkin.parkjisung is his user, his icon the rock and roll hand sign over his face. Likes Blur, Green Day, Oasis and of course, Linkin Park. He’s like you, dips in and out, types a few responses before he’s gone again. It’s a scenario where other members grow closer, and your anxiety around speaking in the group begins. They’re already close, it seems almost futile to interrupt, right? 

What if you’re ignored? What if you’ve missed your window of opportunity? 

It’s a line of thinking that crosses your mind when you send in an apology for being inactive, moments later your phone pinging with a notification.

Linkin.parkjisung: no need to apologize! life gets busy for everyone, myself included. hope you’re doing ok (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ

Other group members echo his message, sending in their own real-life obligations that the group ends up bonding over, complaining of rising car insurance and overly demanding bosses. 

It’s the start of it all, really. That one message, a hand extended to yours that breaks you out of your shell and kick starts your friendship with Jisung. From that day onwards, you move more freely throughout the server, making good friends with everyone but better friends with Jisung. Somewhere down the line, you end up privately messaging each other. What starts out as simply giving each other music recommendations (since he apparently always loves the songs/artists you send into the server) becomes sneaking into the bathroom during a busy family reunion to call Jisung about how your grandmother wore a catsuit to impress her ex, your grandfather. You grow that close, no details spared on life events. How else is there space for secrecy when you’re video calling drunk, watching festival performances of Fontaines D.C.?

In any case, you’re close. You text everyday and call every week like clockwork, namely because you live some hours away from each other. During your calls, he’s shrouded in a low darkness, self conscious of the way he looks, he says. You’re unconvinced, slivers of his features in photos he sends you with his roommates’ three cats or on call saying otherwise. Regardless, you let it slide because Jisung becomes more than his face - he becomes a source of comfort, someone who makes you laugh as much as brings you calm, someone you slowly can’t imagine your days without. In hindsight, this is where your romantic feelings develop. And with convenient timing too because one of the bands you recommended to Jisung, Wunderhorse are on tour, set to perform in a city two hours from the both of you.

“Tickets are going onsale at 10 am on Thursday,” Jisung murmurs, the clicks of his cursor coming through your laptop speaker. “Remember to set your alarm.”

“Will do. Lemme set a remin-” opening up your calendar, you see an unwelcome surprise. “Fuck.”

“What’s up?” Jisung’s voice echoes with sincere concern.

“I forgot I have a shift that day,” you groan, already knowing by the time your lunch break came, the event would be sold out. “We’re understaffed as is, so there’s no way I can get someone to cover for me.”

A deep hum vibrates from Jisung’s chest, a few more clicks of his cursor sounding before he asks in a small voice. “Well, I could just get the tickets for us both.”

“You would?”

“Yeah, I’m meant to be working from home that day anyways. And not to flex, but my internet’s pretty decent.”

You laugh. “Is that for your job or your crippling gaming addiction?”

“A bit of both,” he chuckles back, the sound blooming a warmth of happiness in your chest. “Working in CompSci has its perks.”

“So, I’m finding out,” you smile, an underlying layer of discomfort shifting you against your desk chair. “Are you sure, though?”

“Of course. I’d hate if you lost out on this knowing I could’ve done something to help,” Jisung explains. “You were the one to introduce me to them anyways. Plus we’d have a better chance of sticking together in the pit if we get them together, right?”

You swallow a lump in your throat, something taking flight in your airy chest. “Yeah, you’re right. Just send me your bank details so I can transfer you the day of.”

“Coming right up!” he jokes, and you laugh, however lame he claims himself to be.

On Thursday, he sends you a photo of his solid black high-tech set-up, a PC he’s constructed himself with more monitors than you can count. The side of his face is included in the picture, silky black hair, a brown eye and a beauty mark on his cheekbone you dream of kissing later that night. You find out he secures the tickets on your lunch break, your debt towards him being booking the hotel you’d be staying at. Due to the limited funds you’re working with, you end up getting a shared room, an option that gives him pause before he agrees in a tremored voice. You’re a bit apprehensive yourself, but you booked for two beds, so it should be fine. If worst comes to worst, and something happens between you two – like him turning out to be a sexist neckbeard loser he couldn’t take no for an answer - you’d sleep in your car (or kick him out, actually). At any rate, you had options (and a friend tracking your live location).

In no time, weeks fly by and Wunderhorse drops their latest album. It’s the best thing you’ve experienced since sliced bread, an opinion Jisung shares as you two listen to it over call late one Friday night, speaking about your favourite songs amongst other things. You don’t know how it starts, perhaps it’s a lyric that sticks out to him that he mentions or something else entirely, but suddenly, you’re reminded of high school you. How deeply you wanted to be accepted by others, and how that satisfaction depended on the person you got it from. That you preferred conformity instead of individuality, because being seen with popular shallow kids meant something to you.

“I wasn’t a good person in high school,” you find yourself admitting, your body hollowed out with guilt. Regret like ash on your tongue. “I hurt people because I valued other people’s opinions over my own. I know I was young, but-”

“You said it yourself: you were young,” Jisung comments, the serious intent in his voice catching you off guard. “The fact you recognise your behaviour and feel remorse for it shows how much you’ve grown. I mean, high school can be very unforgiving because nobody really knows who they are or what the fuck they’re doing, so it’s only reasonably to make choices you may regret. What’s important, I think, is how you’ve chosen to move forward,”

“You said it yourself, you’ve apologised to those you hurt. Not many, if any person in your position, would do the same, which shows how much you genuinely care to make things right,” you sniff, vision blurring with tears of relief and sadness. “So, if you ask me, I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. It’s all a learning curve, you were doing what was best to protect yourself then. And now, you’re a better and kinder person because of it.”

Another time you should’ve known you’d fallen for him. Yet, you remain none the wiser. All the way until concert day, getting off work early that Friday afternoon and making the journey down to the bright city lights of Seoul. Everything twinkles and dazzles, a 180 from your modest living in your hometown. You suppose your excitement for the concert has some role in this too, but considering the lack of vibrancy in your life, you allow yourself to sink your teeth into this. Feel the goosebumps against your skin, the lightness in your limbs and the uptake in your heartbeat.

You check into the hotel first since Jisung has a last-minute team meeting at work, setting yourself up on your side of the cosy room of wooden and white hues. As you slip on your Hello Kitty headband to do skincare, a knock rasps against the door, audible above the sound of your music.

With furrowed eyebrows, you approach the door, revealing a sight that stops your heart in its tracks.

On the other side of the door is who you should’ve expected: Jisung. What you don’t expect, however, is his sharp features, black smooth hair with matching formal clothing to contrast so beautifully with his porcelain skin. The dark, ocean blue contacts he wears with a pretty pink lip tint. Not to mention that beauty mark you’ve been thirsting over for the past few months? Yeah, that’s all in eye-view now, close enough to touch and it’s this fact that sends your brain into overdrive.

While you malfunction, Jisung dips his head, a large fist curled to his lips to hide his sheepish smile. Chuckles in a bit of an awkward and embarrassed way. 

Oh my god?!

“Nice to finally meet you,” he greets, black leather overnight bag clutched to his side. A fluffy blue and pink keychain of Little Twin Stars hangs off the zip, a cute juxtaposition to his intimidating outfit. And height. God, he really wasn’t lying when he said he was nearly 6 ft. 

“I texted you I’d arrived, but you hadn’t read them,”

A forceful blink out of your trance brings you back to reality, one where you’re not openly drooling over how handsome your internet best friend is. “Yeah, sorry. I was busy getting ready.”

“I figured so,” his eyes scan your clothes - your ripped baggy jeans, leather platform shoes amongst what you have on - and his lips curve, admiration in his eyes. “You look great.”

If there weren’t societal ideals of an inappropriate reaction to that compliment, you would’ve tattooed it to your forehead, or on your lower back. Maybe ripped off your shirt and kissed him before combusting because what do you mean, this very handsome man, thinks you look great?!

“Thank you,” you blush, your body running hot like a furnace. Even so, you decide to take advantage of the situation, leaning in for an embrace that he reciprocates as you mumble into his shoulder. “Nice to finally meet you too.”

The rest of the afternoon blurs, the few moments of scattered glances and awkward silence incomparable with the ease of conversation that flows between you once his favourite song, Poppy, comes on. Catching up to speed with each other’s day as you two get ready, it’s not lost on you how domestic the scene is - how familiar, or right it feels. Jisung, in all aspects of the word, is endearing - flustered by the compliments you send his way, brightening up at the new additions to the setlist and best of you, timid with pink cheeks when he hands over a ‘first meeting’ gift - an assortment of snacks, a Hello Kitty plushie and a card that makes you coo. It takes everything in you not to sink your teeth into him, overwhelmed by the sweetness that laces his actions and words, riding the high he and the music gives you as you make your way to the venue after you’re both finished.

Long lines snake around the arena, grey clouds permeating the area as rainfall clatters to the pavement. Jisung, ever so prepared, brings along an umbrella that you share, squeezing underneath so much you feel the warmth of Jisung through his bare, very defined bicep. How someone looks so good in a silver sequin top under a tattered sleeveless black vest is beyond you. Then again, him being single is beyond your comprehension too. Considering his calm and thoughtful demeanour, coupled with his good looks, you would’ve expected people lining up by the thousands to plead their case. However, whenever you two talked about this, he’d simply say his go-to phrase and change the topic, his phrase being:

“I’ve got my eye on someone. Just working up the courage to ask them out.”

Whoever managed to catch his eye, you’d thought to be lucky. Maybe they’d saved a small village in their past life because as people push when the doors open, Jisung shields you from any damage, reminding you how good of a romantic partner he could be. Especially so when you’re inside and he snaps all your photos, accompanying you to the bar and merch table where you get matching t-shirts before he keeps them with him so you’re free throughout the concert. Dimmed red lights and chatter fill the spacious hall, a flood of warm bodies surrounding you as you peer at the stage, the band all set up and ready to go come showtime. You sing along to the host of songs the venue plays beforehand, enough nudges in the shoulder to get Jisung to sing along and of course - of course - he has a beautiful voice too. At this point, you were convinced he either had a missing toe or had weird opinions about the order of cereal because the more you spent time with him, the more he shines in your eyes.

Eventually, the chatter dies down and all lights go off, screams rising through the crowd as Wunderhorse comes onto the stage. Buzzing at a frequency unheard of, you bounce off the balls of your feet, hand holding Jisung as you exclaim, “It’s them! It’s really them!”

Missing how flushed Jisung becomes at the contact, you sing with all your heart - offkey and all - to their opening song, Midas. The energy is through the roof, a dizzying world of flashing lights and music that retches the lyrics straight out of you. In a moment’s chance, Jisung and you turn to each other mid-song, smiles bright as the stage lights outline your damp faces, chest heaving with a mouthful of lyrics in their wake. It’s the happiest you’ve been, holding his hand like this, and as the night winds to simmer, you sway to slow songs and thank your lucky stars for finding your way back to this.

After the show, you two chatter with other adoring fans before trekking to your nearby hotel, stomachs growling for food. Jisung finds a great Chinese place that delivers until 2 am, a gesture you simper at, unaware he’d even remembered you’d liked the cuisine. At this point, you’re drained in the best possible way, a dull ache in your feet but riding a high of something you’ll remember forever. 

Now, you’re all up to speed. Great. Let’s get back to your current dilemma.

Somehow, someway, your unlaced and stubborn platform shoes cause a stumble, one that Jisung tries to save you from but ends up caught in the mix. How, you might ask? Well, you’re not entirely sure but what you definitely know is that you’ve fallen on one of the beds, Jisung’s body caging yours as he braces his own fall. Face-to-face. With you.

Ok.

You’re close enough to share a breath, within reach to see his long lashes and shaky pupils that dart from your eyes to your lips, back to your eyes again. Suddenly, the room temperature dials to an unprecedented heat, walls closing in on you two as you lie in waiting. Waiting for the other to make their move. To lean in or pull away, heads or tails on a coin.

His phone rings, cutting through the tension-filled air with a knife. The moment, gone. 

“You okay?” he rasps, a knit in his eyebrows as if he’s holding himself back. You blink wordlessly, your answer in an absent nod. “I’ll, uhm…get the food.”

It’s not a suggestion, nothing that you can object to, particularly when he’s long gone and you’re clutching at your chest, months of infatuation knocking the breath out of you.

When Jisung returns minutes later, you’ve turned the TV on, preparing to fill the silence if need be. It proves necessary, only groans of pleasure and compliments to the chef shared between you two as you eat your weight in noodles. Not much is said when you’re getting ready for bed either, brushing your teeth together as if you're a couple and settling into separate beds, all the lights turned off.

Still reeling for the fall, and convinced his shallow breaths allude to his slumber, you’re startled by the call of your name, head turning towards Jisung beside you.

“Yes?”

“You sure you’re ok?” he asks before clearing his throat. “That was…some fall.”

You can say that again.

“I’m ok,” you lie. You’re on high alert, frazzled at every end with a heart you’ve just realised longs for the man not even two metres away from you. “Are you?”

Silence. The only feedback you hear is the crinkle of his duvet as he shuffles in his bed.

“Ask me another question.”

You turn to him, shrouded in darkness. “Like what?”

He doesn’t speak again, lets the silence devour the space between you before he says. “Ask me about the person I’m interested in.”

Water that rivals the arctic pours down your back, a harsh call to reality as you remember. Right, he has someone he’s interested in. Someone who he’ll devout his time to, listen to their music recommendations and hold their hands at concerts. And you? Well, you’ll still be friends, just not as close. Maybe not even friends at all.

The thought closes an iron fist around your heart.

“Why haven’t you asked them out?” is what you manage, because it’s on your mind - what time and place he’ll find himself in when he confesses his feelings.

“Because I’m scared,” he admits, small and in a whisper. “Considering we met online, it’s kind of hard to gauge their interest or read any signs. You don’t give me much to work with,”

You still. “I don’t?’

“I mean, I haven’t been too obvious, but I’m crazy about you,” he confesses. “I love the light in your eyes and the kindness in your heart. You’re so deeply human and live life like it’s your first and last. There’s no one like you and I think the idea of knowing how special you are triggered my fear of rejection. Because what would my life be without watching festival performances drunk with you? What would it be if you didn’t laugh at my lame jokes and didn’t command my every thought?”

Jisung shuffles again, a flicker of dim light in between you two at a lamp source as he stares over at you, wholehearted and vulnerable. “It’d be an empty one - not worth living.”

Slowly, your body brings you upwards, the two of you hanging off the edges of your bed. So close if you’d reach out, your hands would touch. 

“When?” you croak, unable to meet his eyes. “When did you…start feeling this way?”

His eyes lower, a slight curve to the corner of his lips. “Around November?”

Electricity zaps your back straight. Five months ago? “When we joined the server?”

“Shortly after that,” he admits, a coy grin breaking out against his flushed features. “I was having a really hard day and you’d recommend a song in the chat, Favourite by Fontaines DC, and said how nostalgic and hopeful it felt to you. I gave it a listen and…it was like a battery in my back. I cried, but I also smiled too because I understood what you meant by it all,”

He threads his fingers together, peering up with shining eyes as he adds, “it felt like a peak into your soul, and mine too….I think that’s where it started.”

Your hand finally reaches out, overlaying his as tears fill your sight. “You know you’re my favourite, right?”

“No one stood a chance after that drunk video of you singing along to Champagne Supernova,” you share a laugh, reminiscing of the video he accidentally sent into the server one December night. A die-hard Oasis fan till the end. “I mean it. There’s no one I’d want to spend my days with, listen to music with and discover all there is to life. No one but you.”

His bottom lip gives a wobble, hands unearthing from yours as his thumb grazes your knuckles, bringing the hand up in a searing kiss. One he looks you right in the eyes for as he says, “Can we push the beds together please?”

You bark out an unexpected laugh, fondness shaping your smile as you speak with all of your heart. “I would love nothing more.”

[mytheoristavenue]

Some ideas I wanna explore soon!

Demon Slayer:

Boxer!Gyutaro x Reader- Gyutaro is moonlighting as a somewhat professional boxer/MMA fighter.

Dealer!Gyutaro x Bimbo!Reader- Gyutaro gives you a great deal in exchange for you sitting in his lap and letting him play with your hair.

Gamer!Gyutaro x Gamer!Reader- Gyutaro is your online kind-of-sort-of boyfriend. Neither of you know that you not only attend the same college, but you're actually c; classmates.

Chainsaw Man:

Bodyguard!Violence x Fiend!Reader- Galgali is the best guard Makima has ever assigned you, he doesn't ask questions and he treats you like royalty. And God help anyone who should offend his queen.

Kobeni x Wealthy!Reader- Instead of confessing your love for her, you hand her an envelope containing a full scholarship to her choice school.

Violence x Reader x Kobeni- Poly relationship headcanons

Cyberpunk Edgerunners:

Pilar x Joytoy!Reader- Pilar becomes attached to you, a Joytoy he meets outside of Wakako's, despite everyone's warnings not to.

Mentor!Kiwi x Mentee!Reader- Like Lucy, Kiwi takes you in and helps you hone your natural netrunning talent and definitely doesn't get attached at all.

Rebecca x Opposite!Reader- You and Rebecca are total opposites. Silence and noise, bullets and blades, sunshine and clouds, but neither of you have ever felt so whole.

Rival!David x Rival!Reader x Rebecca- A wretched love...whatever shape.

David x Reader x Rebecca- Poly relationship headcanons

Arasaka Student!David x Arasaka Student!Reader- You're David's bestfriend, his safe space, his home away from home.

Any of these look interesting??

[bryan-writes]

Obey me headcannons— the seven brothers

This is dedicated to a lovely anon who requested headcannons for how the brothers would react when you have a chronic illness. I didn’t know if they wanted me to post the ask publicly, so I’m just putting the dedication here. Thank you so much for requesting anon, you’re so sweet!💕

Chronic illness (not specified), the use of a rollator and other mobility aids, super fluffy, comfort <3

Credit to the lovely @enchanthings for the dividers!

Lucifer

Lucifer is a fortress of reliability in your life, an unwavering pillar in the chaos of the Devildom. He watches you carefully, noting the subtleties of your condition— the furrow of your brow on harder days, the way your hand lingers on your pink rollator for balance. His care manifests in quiet ways: ensuring there’s always a chair nearby when he knows you’ll need to rest, crafting detailed excuses to Diavolo when you can’t attend RAD, and personally delivering your assignments to keep your workload manageable.

When you’re bed-bound, Lucifer steps into your room with his usual air of authority but softens immediately at the sight of you wrapped in blankets. He reads to you in his deep, velvety voice, carefully pacing his words so they become a soothing balm. “You’re resilient,” he murmurs one evening, his fingers brushing yours as he places a glass of water within easy reach. “But that doesn’t mean you have to face every struggle alone.”

Mammon

Mammon hovers without hovering, pretending he’s just hanging out when he’s really making sure you’re okay. He carries your cane for you if you need to use your rollator, and though he tries to act nonchalant, there’s a noticeable spring in his step when you let him. “What, you think I wouldn’t look after ya?” He says, grinning ear to ear, though his hands tremble slightly when he sees you falter during a dizzy spell. He’s always ready to catch you— literally and figuratively.

On days when you can’t get out of bed, Mammon becomes your personal sunshine, bringing you snacks, fluffing your pillows, and cracking jokes to make you laugh. “If ya need anything, just call your Great Mammon,” he says dramatically, plopping onto the chair beside you. And when you fall asleep mid-conversation, he’ll quietly tuck your blanket around you tighter, his face soft with adoration.

Levi

Levi spends hours researching chronic illnesses online, desperate to understand how he can help. He’ll shyly offer you gadgets he’s customized, like a compact fan for your rollator or an extra comfy cushion for your wheelchair. He insists on taking breaks during outings to give you time to sit, disguising his attentiveness as “oh, I just wanted to look at this anyways.”

When you’re stuck in bed, Levi turns your room into a haven. He sets up a laptop with your favorite shows queued up, brings snacks, and nervously asks if you want co-op a game with him. “I can carry you,” he says, both in-game and out, his voice tinged with both humor and sincerity. If you fall asleep during his anime marathons, he doesn’t mind, the sound of your steady breathing comforts him.

Satan

Satan is a master of planning, adapting seamlessly to your needs without making a fuss. He always knows the best routes to avoid stairs and will casually suggest a detour that leads to a bench, ensuring you never feel singled out for needing to rest. He notices when you’re pushing too hard and gently redirects your focus, his voice calm and reassuring: “There’s no shame in taking a moment.”

On bad days, Satan becomes a quiet source of comfort, bringing you books to read aloud if you’re too tired or simply sitting beside you while he reads. “Your strength inspires me,” he says one evening, his fingers brushing against yours as he passes you your meds. He means it— it's in the reverence of his voice, in the way his gaze lingers on you like you’re the most remarkable story he’s ever known.

Asmo

Asmo loves to help you feel beautiful, no matter how your body feels. He decorates your pink rollator with ribbons and charms, insisting that it’s “an accessory, darling, not just a mobility aid!” He’s always attuned to your energy levels, subtly adjusting plans to suit your needs. “It’s not about where we go,” he says with a dazzling smile, “it’s about being with you.”

When you’re bedridden, Asmo brings the spa to you. He sets up scented candles, does your nails (even if you’re too tired to care), and reads silly magazine articles aloud just to hear you laugh. “You’re gorgeous no matter what,” he says, his voice soft, stroking your cheek as you doze off. “I hope you know that.”

Beel

Beel is all about practical care. He carries snacks with him at all times, just in case you need salt or energy while out. He’s quick to offer his arm for balance, his movements so natural that you never feel burdensome. If you ever need to pause, he kneels beside your chair or rollator, keeping eye level with you and saying, “take your time; we’re not in a hurry.”

On bad days, Beel stays by your side. He cooks your favorite meals, even if you can only manage a few bites, and keeps his voice low and soothing. “I don’t like seeing you hurt,” he admits one evening, his large hand carefully cradling yours. “But I’ll be here for you, no matter what.” The sincerity in his eyes makes you feel safe, even on your hardest days.

Belphie

Belphie is all about creating restful spaces. He drapes blankets over your rollator when you’re not using it, insisting it “deserves to be cozy too.” He has a sixth sense for when you’re overexerting yourself, tugging you toward the nearest soft surface with a sleepy grin. “You need to rest,” he says simply, offering his lap as a pillow if no chairs are around.

When you’re confined to bed, Belphie takes it as an excuse to nap beside you. He’ll murmur quiet reassurances as he tangles his legs with yours, grounding you with his warmth. “Don’t push yourself,” he whispers, his hand resting lightly on yours. “We’ve got all the time in the world.” In those moments, his love is the softest kind of devotion, steady and unspoken.

[carlzy-berryz]

Sorry about not being online guys last week got really busy so im gonna browse later this week, lol.

Burtaily lore (backstory)

This will be sad okay, all of my ocs have some kind of trauma XD. I also tried a new writing style with speech and stuff so it miiight be a little cringe, but hey that's what I known for, lol.

As you know from another post about them, they have known eachother since they were kids. They met at school in the playground!! I'd say they were about 7 years old (yes they're the same age but Hailey is a few months older)

Background info..

At this age Burtram didn't have many friends and spent most of his time alone, he didn't mind though, he liked it this way. School was kinda his escape from home, his parents were rich, one was a lawyer and the other was an actress, and they lived in a big mansion in Cloud Kingdom, so they didnt have time for him at all.. Whenever he just wanted to talk / spend time with them, all they would do was shove money in his face and tell him to go buy something he wanted.. Hed eventually give up on wanting to be loved by them / trying to impress them, after all, what more could they want? he was always well behaved, was very smart and did well in all the clubs they assigned him in (this is where he got his perfectionist personality from) but nothing worked, all he could do was deal with it.. Hailey, on the other hand, was a little ball of sunshine, and tried to befriend everyone she could!! She didn't like school that much so she tried to get through it this way. She was never any good at concentrating, so she didn't do very well in her classes, but she didn't care, her parents were a little concerned about this, so they decided to help her at home, but overall they just wanted her to be happy!! Her father was a builder and her mother was a stay at home mum, they didn't make much money but it was more than enough to get by. She always loved to help her parents because she wanted them to feel the same way as she felt when they helped her!! She couldn't be happier at home... however, little did she know her mother was very ill, and it was untreatable, they didn't tell her this because they didn't want to worry her and hoped they could find something to help.. Hailey also had an older sister, called Victoria (yes that's where Hazel's middle name is from) there was six years between them, she knew about their mother's illness but also refrained from telling her because her parents told her not to...

How they met..

One day, Burtram was sat in the corner of the playground kicking a few rocks around, while Hailey was playing with three other kids, they were playing hide and seek and it was her turn to find them all!! Once she finished counting she went looking, that's when she saw Burtram looking sad in the corner and went over to him. She bent down "Are you alright?" she asked. He didn't reply, putting his head in his arms.. "Its okay!" She said "my friend is shy too, I just wanted to make you feel better!!" ....After a little silence he replied.. "Why are you even talking to me, nobody does, aren't you playing with the others?" he asked. Hailey sat down next to Burtram trying to comfort him. "Well, why not?! You're the same as everyone else, and I don't like it when people are sad.." she explained "I was also wondering if you wanted to join in?" Burtram looked at her in surprise "Y-you want ME to play with you and your f-friends?!" he asked. "Yeah of course it'll be fun don'tcha think?!" She said, while standing up. "What do you say?" She sticks out her hand to him. Burtram sits there, thinking, this has never happened before, usually people ignored him... Sure he liked it but, could this be a nice change? He hesitantly stands up, grabbing her hand. "Yay!" Hailey exclaimed! "let's go find 'em- uhhh.." she pauses realising she doesn't even know his name. "My name is Burtram." he said as If reading her mind. Her eyes widen "Ooh that sounds fancy!! But I think I'll just call ya Burtie!!" Burtram laughs. "My name is Hailey" she added. "Now let's go find 'em Burtie!! We'll be the best team ever!!" And off they went across the playground, with Hailey leading the way, to find the other kids!!

From then on Burtram was included in all of Hailey's games, the two became best friends and soon became inseparable!! Burtram also had a really good relationship with her parents too!! They were very sweet to him whenever he visited, let him play in the living room and even allowed Hailey to have a sleepover with him and some other friends!! He found this very strange at first, as his parents would never even acknowledge him let alone do things like that.. but he eventually got use to it and ended up loving it!! This was his freedom now and Hailey was so happy to help him!! Burtram helped her in other ways too, like helping her with schoolwork / homework. Or teaching her sports she wanted to try!! It went on like this for several years, until.....

The downfall..

When they were both eleven years old, it was a "normal" day, they were doing a homework project together in Haileys room, when her dad suddenly got a call.. it was from the hospital... it was Hailey's mother.. While she was shopping she fainted, when the ambulance was called they couldn't find a pulse.. they tried everything they could, but unfortunately it wasn't enough... she was gone... Haileys father dropped the phone and broke down in tears, he always knew this day was inevitable but he could never handle it... Victoria, hearing the whole thing from the landing, walked downstairs trembling... She walked over to her dad slowly, but overwhelmed with emotions she shouted at him.. "T-THIS is w-why- we should've t-told Hailey!! N-now its too late!!" Butram and Hailey jumped when they heard Victoria's muffled shouting "W-what the heck, what's she shouting about?!" Hailey asked while confused. "I'm not sure, but it's not like your sister, should we check on her?" replied Burtram. Still a little shocked, Hailey paused, but before she could open her mouth they heard muffled shouting / crying.. "... I think we should...yeah.." she said. They both ran downstairs to find Hailey's dad on the floor and Victoria standing above him also crying now... "Whoa, whoa, whoa guys, w-what happened?!" asked Hailey. Victoria sat down, her legs still trembling, letting her dad handle the situation.. He looked up at Hailey with his lip quivering "Hai-ley, i-its your m-m-mother.... she's.... she passed away..." he barely spoke between the sobs. A long silence filled the room, it was deafening.. Hailey started to cry and Burtram did a little too.. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, instead she pushed past Burtie and ran up to her room, locking the door.. Burtram, sensing he was there at a bad time, let himself out of the house, he didn't want to interfere, incase he made things worse.. He didn't really know how to react in a situation like that and he was used to walking home alone anyway.. Back at the house, Hailey's dad didn't have the heart to tell her about her mother's condition yet.. He and Victoria sat there in silence while they figured out how to talk to Hailey about it..

..the end (for now) ahhh, sorry for the downer guys but this is just the first part, I'll post more abt it when I write some more, but im gonna take a break for now!! I just wanted to get into some of their lore because they need character development. As for their parents names I don't have any, I don't really plan to draw them because they don't have much influence in the main part of my au especially Burts parents XD. They won't be used outside of lore and backstories. Speaking of names, I don't think I ever explained why Burtram is spelt with a u instead of an e. When I first showed my cousin she thought he was called Buttman because of how I said it, so now it's always been a u, lmao. Just a dumb fact and something to lighten the mood XD. I'll go back to working on oc drawings again, byeee!! 🫶

[early20sfailingplenty]

I was genuinely brave today and I wanna tell the Sinclairs about it but I can't so I'm telling all of you🥹🥹🥹

Okay so yesterday when I was grocery shopping, my work senior texted me to ask if I wanted to drop one of my shifts so I would have more time for uni. That WOULD help me out BUT financially I cannot afford to lose £2-300 a month. It was just sprung on me and instead of making a snap decision I asked if I could have time to think on it and promised to tell her my decision tomorrow (today). So I think on it, I got upset and angry (still haven't quite figured out yet why I got defensive but I think it's because the way she asked me, made me feel like she was saying I'm incapable of working four days a week and doing a degree. That's NOT what she was saying, but that was my snap emotional response. Obviously I didn't act on it and just asked her for thinking time). I do all my numbers once I'm home and yes, I canNOT afford to lose that money but yes it would help me academically. So time or money, which is it?? I picked money, I had to. Mum agreed, dad disapproved last night but this morning told me he agreed with me. So, fine, it's decided. So then today, I go into work, and half hour before the end of my shift, my work senior comes up to me and says, are you ready? I say yes, we find a quiet room.

HERE'S WHERE I WAS BRAVE.

Okay so she asked me again if I wanted to drop a shift to make uni easy on me and I said no thank you, financially I can't afford it but also I just REALLY love my job and I wanna stay on my four days a week. I didn't hesitate, and I didn't hold back. I was truthful and honest and I was as polite as possible given how angry I was yesterday. She then said that she loves having me on her team and doesn't want me to lose any hours either but she's just thinking about me and my mental health because she doesn't want to find out that I've been awake for 32 hours between work and uni EVER again because I'm one of her girls and if that's happening then she isn't doing her job to take care of us properly. So then I pulled out my notebook and showed her what needs to be revised between now and October and what this year will be like (see below pictures. This is the PREP WORK alongside learning an entire computer software programme we will use regularly AND six online labs to complete).

And she sat and thought for a moment because I refuse to compromise on my job not only because I'm stubborn but also because I just genuinely can't afford losing that kinda money and then she asked for all of my assignment deadline dates, all my lecture dates, etc etc and I gave them to her (I don't have lecture dates or group project dates yet because I get them in mid September) and she wrote them in her diary and said that she's gonna make sure that I have at least two days off in a row for all of those weeks so I can fully concentrate on my assignments and she asked that when I get the other info, that I give them to her so she can pencil me in as needing a day off. She also said that when I get my textbooks and the platform opens up, to bring my laptop into work and she's gonna sit down with me and work out a day by day plan for the first week and then I can copy that for all the other weeks so that I have time for my job AND uni AND free time without sacrificing one or the other.

I'm so so happy, I was expecting to be forced to give up one shift a week and I expected to be forced into what I didn't want but she listened and was so lovely and accommodating and good to me.😭😭😭 AND THEN SHE DROVE ME HOME BECAUSE MY KNEE STILL ISN'T FULLY HEALED BUT IT ALMOST IS😭😭😭😭😭honestly she was so kind it genuinely stunned me and I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop...

And I just.... Proud Sinclairs because I'm getting braver and more vocal and confident???? Please have I earned Bo's smirk and Vincent's approving "mmf" and Lester's sunshine smile???😭😭😭😭

I'm getting so much braver now and saying no more often and pushing back and finding the spine my abusers took from me almost a decade ago. I'm doing it I'm doing itttt and now I just gotta keep good on my promise and make it work and not lose myself in the process...

[seelestia]

OMG THE NEW NAVIA THEME IS SO CUTE??? i think it's safe to say that you definitely cooked, lia hehe >:3 /lh /gen

anyways! that's pretty much what it is when it comes to college and frankly? i just wanna get it over with like literally the only highlight to it is seeing my friends and spending time with my boyfriend 😭 but!! a social science major sounds cool! i'd say you have some pretty good goals set in mind and you can always take up a minor if you want to pursue the others :> (i did consider having music as a minor) and sure! the courses depend on what you pick really and the college/professor, online is just about the same as in-person if you have a lot of reading on a pc to do tbh. english classes are well. kind of like the ones in high school but college-leveled. just make sure you give yourself enough time to do assignments bc they can be painful :"D

HELP LMAO??? okay that's true though, the fontaine quest definitely made a splash and we really had to dip our toes in the water with it huh? anyway thats kind of the thing, the only similarity between bedo and lyney is that they actively flirt with me in their own way, and its funny bc i usually try to find someone whose personality complements mine bc im generally the quieter one compared to both (ah yes a reality tv show for me HJEKAHD) also yea! i think both of them really do have traits that make them stand out and frankly i wish they got more screentime (also i have yet to watch the 4.6 trailer ehehe)

same here to you!! i'm always happy to rattle off of your hcs and i enjoy talking about our selfships as well hehe (*^ω^*) and i love it when bedo calls me his "sweet violet",,like the way he says it is just so endearing? like the pitch of his voice always becomes softer and more affectionate jsjdksndj (yk its funny, my boyfriend does the same thing with me bc his nicknames are unique to me as well)

also i'm throwing another ramble at ya: imagine wanderer or ayato surprising you with breakfast in bed HEHEHEHE

awh thats oki! like i said, i'm always happy to indulge your selfships since i enjoy hearing about them :> /gen. honestly i wouldn't be surprised if wanderer did knock you softly on the head for thinking the flowers were from yato ajjdkshd (nah just put the hairpin in before he gets a chance /hj /lh) also i forgot to tell u im a sucker for floriography so i methinks wanderer could give you camellias which represent everlasting love. the hairpin ayato gives you is unique in design and had it specially made for you alone :3

and i quote from my irl friend: "bouncing off the walls gf x completely stoic unmoving statue bf" HDJAKDHSJ NOT ONLY THAT SHE COMPARED HIM TO A PIECE OF FURNITURE BC OF HOW STIFF HE IS IN PICTURES (but hey i give him credit for a cute smile <3) and he is very much a pretty boy even though he tries to deny it until i accept that he calls me pretty too BUT YEA QUITE LITERALLY OPPOSITES ATTRACT anyway pretty much, not all relationships are like yk. sunshine and rainbows so thats why i feel very grateful to have a healthy one. if anything, we're just both trying to do our best to make one another happy but thankies hehe (also nw! i dont think u sound like a grandma, i just like hearing u ramble ehhehe)

also im not rlly sure why ppl think 20 is old either like dang, sure my back hurts on occasion but i'm not a fossil 😭

AHHH THANK U, VI!! so it seems you agree that i... baked? :3c /lh HAHAHA navia is so sweet and silly. i just have to make her my theme! (++ as a homage to her for carrying me in spiral abyss 🫣) since i do put in effort whenever i do theme changes, it makes me happy to know others like it <3

i'll have you know that i'm a true enabler of dad jokes & puns. throw 'em at me! which reminds me: how does albedo react to your jokes? for me, ayato just thinks it's funny that i find them funny (he pats me on the head afterwards - A+ for effort). wanderer is just the epitome of unimpressed and sometimes, he'd even pull on my cheek a little if the joke is extremely unfunny LOLLL. the only one who'd ever indulge me is mr. shikanoin heizou ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) oh, woe is me!!! /lh

i see! ty for the perspective, vi <3 i'm gonna find it nostalgic to look back on this convo after i went to college. tho assignments really are a staple of uni life, huh? one of the times i thank highschool for instilling the habit of “work first, play later” in me. i imagine it's gonna be more painful however so i'll need to juggle rest & work 😭 hope you're holding up with yours!! <3

THAT'S CUTE!! i find it so funny that albedo himself is the paradigm for introverts but when it comes to flirting with people he finds intriguing, he's not here to play LMAO. how does he act 〜suave〜 so naturally?? smh i need those skills too /hj. lyney on the other hand... he takes it as an achievement if he manages to fluster you! the sleight of the hand is his bread & butter but he's good with his words just as well, no? voila! ✧ i am biting my fist UWAGHH. i am head over heels for the 'speaks to you / says your name in a softer voice' thingy but to witness it first-hand??? i'm so happy for you 🤭

WWHWHWHWH. ayato usually has the maids prepare our meals so he probably tells them to make it extra special. unfortunately, i'm more of a night owl than an early riser so by the time he brings the tray onto the bed, i'm just looking at him all groggy LOL. he thinks it's cute, taps my cheek and teasingly asks if this is all a ruse to get him to spoon feed me.... this man /aff. wanderer tho is a good cook so he does not play around with food or breakfast! but it's gonna take lots of coaxing to have breakfast in bed since “if it spills on the mattress, i'll demote you to the floor for a day.” i tell him about the existence of trays but he's still adamant. no fun 💔 /j

CAMELLIAS?! those happen to be one of my fav flowers!!! and the meaning too... i'm ahhdjwjejw /pos. he would tho!! wanderer canonically like wandering off in nature (oh, dearest sumeru), i think he picks flowers to bring back home. but sometimes, he'd rather observe them from afar: they're fleeting, after all. so he might as well leave them be to bloom to their fullest. yk.... i should buy some seeds these days and make a garden of our own. maybe it could be a surprise for him oooooo mhm mhm!! wbu?? does albedo or lyney indulge in making you breakfast in bed too hehe :3c (for lyney, i'm willing to bet lynette sponsored that breakfast /j)

NOT THE FURNITURE POSE HAHAA 😭

“smile!”

vi: 🌸🌷🎀🩷

bf: 🚪🚪🚪

/j but we appreciate the effort!!! i'm also not vv photogenic myself so i can relate badly with the furniture pose LMAO 😔 i prefer taking pictures of others instead! ayato is really photogenic. this is what happens when you deal with paparazzi /j & wanderer can be photogenic too but only in candid. he does not like staring at the camera. what a grumpy cat /aff +++ i saw the picrew you sent me! VI IT'S SO ADORBS AHHHH feel free to share more picrews of you & your f/o's anytime! i love love love them ☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა /gen !!!!

[allcnaprograms]

Open Your Healthcare Career: Explore the Benefits of Enrolling in an Online CNA School

Unlock Your Healthcare Career: Explore the Benefits of Enrolling in an Online CNA School

In today’s fast-paced world, the demand for healthcare professionals, ⁢particularly Certified Nursing Assistants (CNAs), is at an all-time‌ high.If you’re‌ considering a career in‍ healthcare, enrolling in an​ online CNA school can be an excellent stepping stone.This article explores the benefits of online CNA programs, provides tips for success, and shares firsthand experiences to‍ guide you as you embark on this fulfilling career path.

What is a CNA?

A⁢ Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) plays a ⁢crucial role in the healthcare system. Thay assist patients with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, and eating, while also supporting nurses with clinical tasks. CNAs are⁢ often the first line of contact for‍ patients, providing essential emotional support and care.

The Rise of Online‍ CNA Programs

With the increasing demand for healthcare workers, online CNA programs have surged in popularity. These courses offer the flexibility and convenience that many aspiring healthcare professionals need. Let’s delve into the extensive benefits of ⁤enrolling in an online CNA school.

Benefits of Enrolling in an Online CNA School

Flexibility: Online CNA programs allow you to study at your own pace and schedule,‍ making it easier to balance work, family, and education.

cost-Effective: Online programs typically have lower‍ tuition and associated costs than traditional classroom settings, allowing you to save money.

Accessibility: You can access high-quality education from accredited‍ schools nonetheless of your geographic location.

Complete Curriculum: Most online CNA programs cover essential subjects, including basic⁢ nursing skills, anatomy, and‌ patient care.

Supportive Learning Environment: ⁤Online formats often provide robust support systems, including virtual tutoring and discussion forums.

Course Structure: What to Expect

Enrolling in‌ an ⁢online CNA school generally involves a mix of theoretical coursework and practical hands-on training. Here’s a simple breakdown of ⁢what you​ can expect:

Course Component

Description

Theory Modules

Topics like ⁣infection control, interaction skills, and patient rights.

Clinical Practice

Supervised clinical practice in healthcare facilities to apply learned skills.

Exams and Assessments

Periodic assessments to evaluate knowlege and skills⁢ mastery.

Practical Tips for success‍ in Online CNA Programs

Stay Organized: Use ⁣planners or digital tools to‌ keep track of assignments and deadlines.

Engage with Classmates: Participate in‍ discussion forums and form study groups to enhance your learning experience.

Manage Your Time: Establish a study schedule that allocates dedicated time for coursework each week.

seek Help When Needed: Don’t hesitate ⁤to reach‍ out to instructors or ‌peers if you’re ⁢struggling with course ‌material.

First-Hand Experiences: What​ Students Say

Many students have successfully navigated online CNA programs and have shared their ​experiences:

“Studying online allowed me to work‌ part-time while completing my CNA coursework. The flexibility was a game-changer for me!”‌ – Sarah, recent CNA graduate.

“I⁣ was initially hesitant about online⁤ learning, but the support from my instructors and ‍the interactive modules made it easy to stay engaged.” – john, successful CNA student.

Job Opportunities Post-CNA Certification

Completing an online⁢ CNA program opens the door to various job ‍opportunities. Here are some common workplaces for CNAs:

Hospitals

Nursing Homes

Home Health Care Agencies

Assisted Living Facilities

Case Studies: Success Stories of Online CNA Graduates

Several case studies illustrate how ⁤online CNA programs�� have transformed ⁢lives:

Graduate Name

Before ⁣CNA Program

Current⁣ Position

Alice Johnson

Unemployed

CNA at Sunshine Hospital

Michael Lee

Retail Worker

CNA at Golden Years Nursing Home

Linda Garcia

Stay-at-home Parent

Home Health Aide

how to Choose the Right Online CNA ⁤School

When selecting an online CNA program, consider the following factors:

Accreditation: Ensure the school is accredited ‍by a recognized ⁣body.

Curriculum: review the course content and hands-on ​training requirements.

Student Support: Look ⁤for programs offering tutoring, mentorship, and job placement assistance.

Reviews and ‌Testimonials: Research student feedback to gauge the quality of the program.

Conclusion

Enrolling in an online CNA school is an effective way to access a rewarding career ‍in the healthcare​ industry.The flexibility, affordability, and comprehensive education make online programs an attractive option for aspiring CNAs. With the right preparation and commitment, ​you ​can unlock your healthcare career and make a ample difference in the lives of patients.Take ⁤the ⁣first step‌ today and explore the numerous online CNA programs available to you!

https://allcnaprograms.com/open-your-healthcare-career-explore-the-benefits-of-enrolling-in-an-online-cna-school/

[emilydaisymasters]

Scene 8 - The Process

Here is the completed process for scene 8 in my short film. I admittedly didn't record my steps as thoroughly as I should have for this scene, so I will try and go into as much detail as I can.

Sketch/Lineart

I began by drawing out and animating the first and second appearances of Em in the scene. Similar to the previous scene, I didn't begin with a sketch for each frame but rather the line art as it was, since there really wasn't too much movement to be done save for the hands and the head.

Colouring was moderately easy as well, as I knew it would be arranging the nodes into a suitable form that would be the hard part, so I kept the basic shading simple. The particular progress for this animation segment can be seen in my previous post, should you want a closer look.

Nodes and Shading

This is where it once again got a little tricky. I decided to reference my node set up from scene 2, as I really liked the shading and highlight effect and felt I could expand on it. My node layout ended up looking something like this:

The highlight and shading are applied to different pegs, which actually made it far more difficult to move in the log run. I did this for each independent piece of animation, including separate hand layers, and made sure to set the colour, level of blur and alpha levels to the same on each individual peg. I decided to go for a softer look this time, as I didn't want the lines to be as harsh, seeing as they are all out in the sunshine. Here is what the character looked like with the shading effects applied:

Animating and Troubleshooting

Now came the trickier part. Everytime I tried to move or resize a character, the shading layer moved or re-sized at double the speed and would never move in coordination with the base layer. I spent hours trying to troubleshoot this, I looked up the question online, looked on forums and youtube videos, but even with the specific wording I couldn't find the fix I was after. I tried relocating the pivot point, assigning new parent pegs, changing the layering of the nodes but nothing worked and I couldn't figure it out. Here's how I at least partially fixed it:

Under layer properties for each individual peg, I found an option to ignore parent scaling, which I didn't think would help, as I WANTED the shading to correlate with the parent scaling. However I thought to try it anyway, as well as locking the scale and in tandem, this meant I was able to resize whilst retaining the placement of the tone and highlight. Moving the object still caused some skewing of the shadows, though it was so marginal now that I could simply readjust it by eye, which was a relief.

The only thing left to do was to import my extra characters from the other canvas and get to work. Here's how my timeline looked:

As can be seen, I utilised parent pegs very heavily in this to achieve the placement I was after. I also had to do some rethinking of how to get the smaller assets to move, as trying to move the hands and glasses was a pain seeing as they already had assigned key frames to the character. Ultimately I placed these assets under their own parent pegs and moved them that way. I found out that if I chose to move only the base layer drawings, rather than each and every transformation layer that they would just follow suit, and so I applied keyframe movements to a select few layers under each group and got to work. I additionally imported a PNG of the bush in the scene to cover the anti aliasing of the fence.

Thoughts

In complete honesty, this scene drove me up the wall a little as it had many hurdles, not the least being how I kept having to return and re export after fixing positioning issues, but I am glad to have it finished. This was my first real test run with importing an entirely different animation into a final scene and it was finnicky, but ultmately do-able. The camera wobble was quite routine by this point and wasn't too difficult. I will post the results in a separate post to be seen in full.

[aditijainportfolio]

Observation Report #4

Name: Aditi Jain

Class: TESOL Methods for children 5-12 years: Reading, Writing, Listening and Speaking

Date: 11/2/23

In- person or online: In person

Class subject observed:  ESL

Class level: Undergraduate/Graduate 

Teacher’s name: Dr. Evan Yingliang He

URL if online:

Amount of time in observation: 1hr 50mins

General 

Please use the Things to Notice sheet for guidance during observations 

Pay particular attention to: 

Learner Engagement:

The professor asked questions to the student before class started about his discipline, learning about the student and connecting with them. They had a long conversation up until the class started, and the teacher was asking him active questions about his discipline and having a complex discussion about it. 

Voice is clear and loud, appropriate level of enthusiasm (charisma?) not overly enthusiastic, very friendly environment (in terms of students speaking up, almost as if the professor is a peer but with marked respect) 

He’s so nice to the students a student came in late and he did not pressure her to do the assignment/call out that she missed an assignment, told her to chill and see what the other students are doing

Very personal 1:1 helping students and asking questions

The atmosphere is markedly different from my previous observation: I feel like when I was at my last observation, the professor was really grasping at straws to keep the students engaged, almost(?) forced enthusiasm which didn’t engage as well as this professor did. It’s really interesting, I think that there was a forced hierarchy between the professor and the students whereas this environment is much more casual and relaxed, but still promotes a learning environment (even moreso than the last observation in which students seemed to not take their assignments seriously) 

Using pokemon as a relatable word

Interested when students bring up their own word si.e teal can be a color but also a duck learning from the students 

Students feel comfortable making jokes with the professor 

Assessment / Student Understanding:

I think that the handout vowel practice was used for assessment 

Explaining that he will only lightly review the concept because everyone seemed to get the words right– informal assessment

Assessment through seeing the students answers to the assignment (not graded) 

For the word sound that was wrong, he asked students to guess where the word would actually be then explained where it was on the chart

Asking the students to shout out the answers to the pokemon problem 0 informal assessment not graded, explaining the vowel pronunciation 

Asking if different vowels are the same sound (group assessment, informal) 

Using this assignment because he wanted students to use words that they don’t know so that he can assess whether the students were able to understand/read the pronunciation of unknown words (english/made up words, american english pronunciation) 

Using games/relatable category game

Strategies:

Individual work that is placed onto a group document for review 

For the word listening assignment, the words were repeated multiple times

Students seem to be struggling, taking a long time, so the professor stepped in with the words that were on the read aloud assignment, and had all of them do the assignment together/explained further 

Allegory about the word ‘mite,’ “the smell of sunshine on your pillow is dead mites, showing a photo of ‘molting’ animals, explaining the definition of words (i.e mourn, moot: giving the example of moot point, giving words that have the same meaning i.e mope versus upset and giving a usage example, “don’t mope around,”)

Went over the answers to the vowel chart assignment

Repetition of the vowel sounds “i in mitten”  

Being encouraging and commending their work

Recall to previous classes, explaining that the difference between letters is not just how long you hold them (i.e o versus oo, there is a tiny difference in the way we pronounce them because of the consonant, book versus moot) 

Reference to a student’s culture (asking how to stay muslim in persian to give the example of how to say it in a ‘short oo’ versus ‘u’ sound)  

Broke down the hand out into parts (17 questions, do 5-6 at a time then review rather than all at once to make it more doable) 

Explanation of cocoon in relation to Kukuna

Lesson:

Reading the words aloud and writing the spelling of them

Dictation exercise: Meat, mat, mitten, mate, mop, molt, mouth the words become progressively harder, mite, mock, met, muslim, mope

high/mid/low vowels (using the chart, categorize the words by vowel sound)

The students did not know the word ‘mitten’ so the professor brought up a photo of mittens and related to how we live in california so we don’t need them but he explained exactly what they are verbally as well 

Repetition when explaining combination letters (i.e owl, mouth) 

Explained the meaning of the words

Informal assessment, asking the students informally where the words go on the chart 

References to real life (tiktok) referring to the tiktok about mockingbirds then explaining the tiktok to those who don’t know (the students did know, and laughed– I think that these students may have a higher english comprehension, this class has a focus on grammar where the previous one had more of a focus on practical use) 

Asked for students to shout out where they think a word is on a chart, student asked for repetition 

Explanation of pokemon and how the pokemon names are japanese words that have been americanized with american english pronunciation so they are made up/real words very creative 

bulbasaur/charmeleon, blastoise - put the IPA vowel symbols in the word structure form on the handout 

Putting the IPA vowel symbols on the whiteboard and telling the students fill in the blanks in the pokemon names

/Bʌlbəsɔr/ bulbasaur

//t/ar’miyliyən/ charmeleon

Comparing words to more common words i.e wigglytuff to city

Teaching:

Explaining the goals for today, the agenda so that the topic of today is clear, as well as the assignments for today.

Asking the students if they were ready, then the students signaled they were not ready, so he waited until they were

Students seem open to speak to the professor on a personal level about problems they have (a student walked up to the professor to tell him about some problem that he had and the professor was open to accommodate 

Transitions to the next assignment included a verbal transition

Transition to next assignment: hook vowels and pokemon 

Materials:

A chart that displays the vowels 

Uses a laser pointer to point out on the chart physically (the vowel chart/map might help people visualize the vowels and their sounds) the map has a curious configuration - vowel quadrilateral" roughly represents tongue position, with positions to the left of the diagram representing vowels produced with the tongue moved towards the front of the mouth and with positions to the right of the diagram representing vowels produced with the tongue moved towards the back of the mouth.

Classroom Management:

Displaying the handouts on the board, students allowed to sit wherever they want to in the class 

He wrote the words down so that the student that came late could put them on the chart (maybe she doesn’t have technology?) 

Students are spread out, individual work then the class comes together for group discussion of the answers to the questions (individual discussion not present, only discussion during the class review) 

Learning Strategies

The lesson had a very clear trajectory from the beginning to the end. In the beginning, the professor went over the agenda for the lesson, so that the students would know what exactly to expect. This exhibited a high quality lesson. He then reviewed the concept that the students had learned in the last class, which had to do with spelling words from just hearing them. In this class, he turned that concept around and also had students practice doing the opposite in which they had to guess the pronunciation based on the spelling of the word. I think something that stood out to me was how students participated more in this class than in the last classroom I observed, which had a much more structured environment. I think since this class was for college students, they benefited more from a peer-like relationship with the professor rather than a strict hierarchical environment. I don’t think older students respond well to authority and tend to feel more comfortable and engaged with a professor that is on the same level as them. I think in a classroom with children, it might be better to create a slightly more hierarchical environment to create structure in the class, but as you get to teach older students (i.e high schoolers) they might benefit from having a friendlier and more approachable professor. 

The professor utilized a lot of question/answer activities, and then would go over and explain what the students got right/wrong, without singling out anyone and he was very casual about the assessments. Although these assessments were kind of given in a traditional assessment format (students filling out worksheets on their own), the professor lessened the anxiety around the assessment by cracking jokes, asking the students questions in regards to the words (whether they’ve heard them before or not). This is one of the fundamentals of teaching theory according to the textbook. There was a very casual atmosphere in the classroom, and the students felt very comfortable reaching out to the professor about whatever questions they had– even often just shouting the questions out without being called on. I think that this fosters an environment of collaboration and relaxation since speaking in a second language is already such a daunting task, having that anxiety-less atmosphere allows for students to ask many questions. 

Discuss in detail the classroom management of this particular lesson. As this is a college classroom, the classroom that the professor was using was a temporary classroom and hence he could not modify it to enhance the students’ learning. As such, there was not a lot that could be done in regards to classroom management. However, the way the classroom was set up was very intimate. This class only had about 7 students in it, and the students mostly sat apart from each other. The professor made use of the projector, the whiteboard, canvas, and handouts to distribute information. He would have information projected on the projector, and would also write it on the board. In the case that a student could not access canvas, he would write the information on the board for accessibility. He also created a Google Doc and told the students to access it from their devices so they could edit it together then display it on the projector. The students also seemed very casual with the professor, in the sense that they came late without really any qualms about it, and they were comfortable going up to the professor and telling him that they were going to leave early. The class itself seemed very laid back and there was no pressure involved. However, the students were still actively participating in the lesson.  

The informal assessment that the professor used was quite clever. The lesson that he was teaching that day was vowel pronunciation. After going over a more technical lesson using a vowel map, he came up with an idea to apply the vowel pronunciation strategies they had learned earlier in the day to pronounce the name of Pokemon. For those who don’t know, Pokemon is a game where you can catch fictional monsters. The names of the monsters are technically ‘real words’ that people use/say, but they are also made up words. Hence, he showed the class the names of pokemon and asked them to write down the corresponding IPA symbols of how they thought the name of the pokemon would be pronounced. i.e the Pokemon “Bulbasaur” is pronounced /Bʌlbəsɔr/, using the -saur suffix from the word dinosaur. He did this to test if the students had understood the material and would be able to apply the pronunciation rules on words that they had never heard before. I thought this was a very clever informal assessment because he showed the photos of the Pokemon on the board and it felt more like a game rather than an assessment. However, although it seemed very laid back, the students were forced to use higher order thinking to apply what they had learned in the assessment. 

Things to Remember 

I think the main things that really stood out to me were the pokemon assignment as well as the IPA chart that the professor used. Looking into the IPA chart, it is very cleverly created to represent the inside of the mouth, and it shows what part of the mouth different sounds come from. I think being able to see the way that the sounds are produced visually is a very useful tool for students who are unable to hear the differences in sounds due to the synaptic pruning that occurs when children are babies. We learned that although children are born with the ability to hear sounds from all languages, i.e the Japanese L/R versus the English R and L respectively, after the 6-9 month mark we lose the ability to hear sounds from languages that we are not exposed to. As such, students who learn English as a second language often lack the ability to hear the intricacies of English language pronunciation. By giving them a map that represents the mouth and allows them to see where the sound is getting produced from in the mouth will allow them to produce the sound even without hearing it, and hopefully eventually train them to pronounce difficult words. 

Current Classwork- Methods course

What teaching methods did the teacher use?

Some of the methods that the professor used included visual scaffolding and sorting activities to bolster the students’ understanding. In terms of visual scaffolding, the first activity that he did with the students was a listening test. In the test, he read out words that start with ‘M’ and tasked the students with trying to spell the words based on the pronunciation of the words. After finishing the assessment, the professor explained all the words and showed pictures associated with the words to bolster the information. For example, one of the words was the word Mitten and so he showed a picture of mittens and explained exactly what it is/when it is used so that the information stayed with the students. Furthermore, the Pokemon exercise mentioned above can be considered a phonic sorting exercise (as described in the book) because the students were told to sort the words based on which IPA symbol would best fit in the word. For the //t/ar’miyliyən/ he showed a picture of the Pokemon and asked the students to sort out which IPA symbol fit best for the pronunciation.

[lenfaz]

Separate Lives, 40/39

Author's note:

It's been 84 years.... this is unbetaed, I haven't written in more 5 years or more and need I remind you, English is not my first language. Since we last saw each other, I actually moved to Italy, so that means I'm juggling 3 languages in my daily life, and failing miserably at those 3.

this is a pick-me-up moment, as it was mostly for me, after losing my beloved 14 year old cat this past week. But in case any of you wants to read it, here it is.

Ao3, FF.net

The Boys are Back in Town

“Lieutenant Sanders, in my office. Now.”

Mac sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he watched Killian retreat into his office. He knew this was coming and in all fair honesty, his former partner and current captain had delayed the inevitable for quite some time. But alas, it was what it was and he would have to suck it up and deal with it. Taking a deep breath, he went into the office and closed the door.

Killian was sitting behind his desk, head bent over a flimsy piece of paper. Mac took a few seconds to study him. He looked good. Fatherhood and family life suited him. He’d taken to co-parent a teenager with little to no effort - granted, Henry was a great kid with good instincts who barely got into trouble - and he was amazing at raising his little boy. Liam’s tantrums came to an end the moment his father took him into his arms and soothed him.

Everything was finally going well in his friend’s life. Which made this entire situation all the hardest to deal with. Mac took a deep breath and sat on the chair.

“Alright, sunshine, let me have it.”

“They’re not happy, Mac.” Killian ran a hand through his hair.

“I know”, Mac shrugged noncomitantly. There wasn’t much he could do at this point. His fate was sealed by the powers to be above them. Mac needed to hear it and then accept it. Probably with the help of a shot of rum. If only he hadn’t finally quit smoking….

Killian leaned into the back of his chair and shook his head. “Willis is a good kid. I would not have assigned him as your partner if not. You should give him a chance.”

And there lied Mac’s predicament with the running list of partners that had been assigned to him in the past few years, marking one failure after another that quickly ended in transfers and requests for partner change. Willis was a kid. Young, eager, ready to take onto the world.  Willis was in a completely different place than Mac. He couldn’t relate even if he tried. Willis and his friends from the academy went clubbing and hit high-end bars that served sophisticated drinks. They met girls over the internet and had weeks of chatting online before meeting directly for hookups. There was almost next to nothing to build a rapport with his assigned partner. Mac didn’t even contemplate inviting him to Sunday lunch. Willis was a great young man, a quite capable detective who had good instincts and could read suspects like no other… but he wasn’t Mac’s partner.

Mac got up and paced the room back and forth, trying to find the correct words. But in the end, it didn’t matter how he said it. This was Killian. He would understand. 

“It’s not working, Killian….and I’m not sure I could ever make it work,” he admitted.

“That’s what you thought about us in the beginning, remember?” Killian cocked an eyebrow at him.  

It was true. Mac hadn’t liked partnering with Killian at first. But it had nothing to do with Killian and everything to do with Mac fighting his own demons. It had taken 24 hours, a pack of cigarettes, and a couple of bottles of rum for them to become more than just partners. 

“It’s not the same and you know it, mate.”.   

Killian averted his eyes as his hand fidgeted on the surface of his desk. “Aye… then you leave me no choice.”

Mac shrugged and gave Killian a sad smile. “Just do what you have to do.”

Killian retrieved something from his desk drawer and threw it in his direction. Mac quickly caught it with both hands and looked at it. His heart skipped a beat at the shiny new badge. Mac lifted his head dumbfounded and gave Killian a curious look. 

“Congratulations, Captain Sanders.” 

Killian’s heart filled with glee when Mac’s eyebrows shot up in his face as he was trying to find words. He slowly stood up, given the moment all the flourish and persona it deserved. “When the Commissioner called, I calmly explained to him the reason it was not working was because no department in its right mind would still have you as a lieutenant when you’re clearly overqualified for the role. Let’s face it, a detective of your poise and skills deserves better than that lousy rank they subjected you to for years.”

Mac was finally able to articulate a few words, “Killian… I don't know what to say.”

Killian lifted his hand to stop him. “Don’t say anything yet, because you might not be happy about what comes next.” He cleared his throat. “As a captain, you need to be assigned an equal-ranked partner. Unfortunately for you, there is only one captain in this precinct currently without a partner.”

He squared his shoulders and looked at Mac as he put his hand out. “Captain Sanders, I’m Captain Killian Jones and I’ll be your partner starting today.”

Mac chuckled as he shook Killian's hand before pulling him into a hug. 

“Congratulations, mate,” Killian smirked as they pulled away. “Are you ok with teaming up with me again?”

“As if there were any other partner for me.”

“You’re stuck with me. And this is going to be so much better now that we’re captains,” Killian rubbed his hands, resisting the urge to do a tiny jump of glee.  

“Until you get promoted again,” Mac tilted his head in his know-it-all attitude.

“Please, no one in their right mind will make me Commissioner…”

“You never know, mate. They made you captain fairly quickly after all.”

Killian shrugged. His rise in the police ranks was not on the list of things to worry about at the moment. “Go clean up your desk. You’re moving to the adjacent office.”

“I need to call Laura first.”

“You do that. Tell her we are celebrating at our house on Saturday. Barbeque is on us”

“They won’t let you…” Mac started to protest but Killian cut him off.

“That was part of the deal I cut with Marty for your promotion. You tell her that.”

“As if it would make any difference….” Mac smirked as he exited the office, pausing at the very last minute. “See you later, partner.”

Killian perched on his desk with a goofy grin on his face.  

Everything was finally perfect.

[joeabdelsater]

Development Project 1: Part 1

This is my first development project for this semester. I chose to develop the "Nostalgia and Memories" assignment and push it further. In the initial project, I had created an old TV that we used to have in our family's mountain house. The TV symbolises more than just an object to me, which is why I had chosen it as a living representation of my past and memories. For this project, I wanted to represent my sense of nostalgia as well by creating an environment that could embody the TV asset I had made earlier. For this reason, I decided I wanted to create a version of home away from home inside of Unreal Engine 5 that could potentially be a game environment. I really wished to represent my country and heritage in some way through my art, so I chose to put my TV asset in the environment of a typical Lebanese house similar the the one my family used to spend the summer in.

I first began by searching for reference images online that would help me materialise my concept. I came across the work of James Kerwin, a photographer who has a project called Lebanon; A Paradise Lost, which is dedicated to capturing the beauty of abandoned places of heritage in Lebanon (https://jameskerwinphotographic.com/portfolio-series/lebanon-a-paradise-lost/). I chose photographs that I felt reflect Lebanese architecture the best, notably the ones that show the triple arch, a typical architectural staple in Lebanon.

As for the other references that I ended up using, I found them on Pinterest. These images helped me visualise things like wall and floor textures as well as arbitrary object composition that is present in abandoned places.

For the lighting, I found two pictures on Pinterest as well, which I thought were very appropriate for the mood I was going for: I wanted the ray of sunshine to enter windows and hit the interior of my scene in that same manner. I kept them open while lighting the scene to use them as guides.

Sources:

jameskerwinphotographic.com. (2020). LEBANON; A PARADISE LOST - James Kerwin Photographic. [online] Available at: https://jameskerwinphotographic.com/portfolio-series/lebanon-a-paradise-lost/.

‌

[psqqa]

god mcfuckin bless the dutch government for spending part of their limited euro 2020 ad space on public libraries :’)

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[iridescentis]

of course!!

okay so starting with mind control, we have: The Phoenix Anthology

[Highlighted Phoenix means the character, normal Phoenix means the company]

The main oc of this collection of stories and such is called Phoenix. His real name was Grayson Marsden, a kid adopted by a mad scientist as an experiment, and he invented the Phoenix virus, the most effective computer virus ever made which gives off frequencies that alter the thought patterns of victims (kinda like how online algorithms effect how people think irl, but more direct). Grayson, however, was killed for being defective, but he managed to program himself into the virus and all Phoenix technology, creating himself as a digital entity to stop his mother, Margeret Marsden/Pegasus, from taking over the world. Phoenix in his digital form is sassy, sarcastic and annoying, but also angry and deeply sad, reaching each protag in their dreams to cry out for help.

There is a really long timeline of this whole thing, it starts in 1996 with Micheal Forcas, at 20yo intern at a tech start up called P.E.G.A.S.U.S (Protection ensuring greatness and safety under surveillance) who discovers the malware detection product they're selling is actually putting malware on customer computers, and he is killed for discovering this.

With Grayson was also Brayden Steele, his test subject. They met after Grayson asked for one, and amidst tests which he never truly explained, they fell in love and Brayden convinced him to run away together. They did briefly, but Grayson decided he had to go back and finish what he started, which ultimately got him killed. To begin with, Brayden was smart, a little aggressive but rightfully so, and earnestly sweet, but following the disappearance of his lover he is bitter, angry and vengeful, set on destroying the company and getting Grayson back (not knowing that he is dead).

Then there's Robert Forcas, Micheal's older brother who became a police investigator and in 2017 is on the case of the emerging Phoenix virus which has the US in disarray. Robert is very practical, cynical and quite stupid to be honest, he's very tunnel visioned and too logic focused, also dealing with a lot of trauma and guilt from his brother's death. His partner on the investigation is called Ambrose McAdams, and she is very practical too but also realistic and honest, with a lot of care for Robert and everyone really. Robert also dies right when he's about to solve the case, as a he is hunted down and killed by Phoenix security.

Then there's Eliza Cadell, the second child who was adopted to experiment on, who thanks to the digitized spirit of Phoenix managed to escape and join a rebel group, led by Ambrose. This group are all people who aren't effected by the frequencies of the Phoenix virus, and thus aren't blind to the takeover that is happening, and they want to dismantle the business for good. Eliza is very scrappy, motivated and energetic, she's only 15 by the end of the story but she's determined to help as best she can.

Then, my favourite character after Phoenix, Cassidy Irving. Cassidy worked for the government with her coworker John Parker, and both were assigned to the Phoenix case back in 2017. They made instructional and informational tapes for detectives, and reported on updates together. In 2025, they were both kidnapped by Phoenix, brainwashed and reprogrammed into employees - Cassidy a publicist and John a security guard. Cassidy is reckless, playful, sarcastic and very funny, whereas John is tired and annoyed, so very sunshine and grumpy vibes for those two.

There is also Ares Goodman, former investor and now CEO of Phoenix Tech, Margeret's puppet essentially, and he has sort of a close dynamic with Cassidy, he has some feelings for her but knows he is going to die anyway because he is running an archive, uploading all evidence of Phoenix company crimes, and anonymously helps Cassidy to take the company down when she breaks out of her mind control.

That is already a lot of words but I do have a whole timeline of events with a lot of detail from 1996 to 2030, there are a lot of interconnected plots and other characters, I didn't even get into two other characters who have a whole story of their own (they don't have names yet).

Moving onto the ghosts! This is: Centenarian

Centenarian doesn't really have a concrete plot quite yet, it's more so a collection of ocs tbh so we have:

Carla Rodriguez - Killed by a demon during a ghost hunt, Carla is brought back to life by her mortal girlfriend, who drains her own spirit to give to her, making Carla mortal again. Carla is reckless, rash, irritable and flighty, she never really felt that she had a purpose for living and knew what she was getting into hunting demons, so death wasn't unwelcomed for her, but being a ghost was. She was forced to haunt part of her college that was closed off to the public, old dorm rooms, a big library and bathrooms. There are many ancient tomes with supernatural knowledge, and one which was located in this college, left there back when it was an orphanage in the 1920s, contained an incantation to transfer life spirit from one person to another, which a girl she met as a ghost and fell in love with, called Cleo, did for her as they were evading a demon. Carla's only mission now, that her girlfriend died in her sacrifice, is to hunt down a woman chasing immortality.

Mahogany Everston - Born in the 1900s, Mahogany worked as a nurse in the orphanage, and in the boarding school it became in the 1940s. She was vain, selfish, shy and terrified of death and diseases, and when she met the very demon that would later kill Carla, instead of being killed she was possessed, poisoned by this demon [who was informally known as Vanta, after vantablack because this demon was the absence of light] to desire immortality. With the tome, she drained life from nobodies, so she could extend her lifespan infinitly, AKA artificial immortality (frowned upon in naturally immortal communities). In the 1940s, while she worked at the boarding school with this poisoning, she became daughtered by Aranea, another demon, the sister of Vanta, and was given the title name of Lycosida. Essentially, not only can she drain life from people, she also could infect them with a spider disease that would transform them into disgusting spider-like creatures.

Smaller characters include: Zephyr, a middle aged man bartender in quiet harbor town, who was once seduced by Mahogany so she could have access to his parents to drain their lives, but never found out she did it. Zephyr is your classic supernatural, dystopia father figure, despite it not actually being dystopian, he's just that Dad Character. There are also characters from the 1980s, who during a haunting get illusioned into believing they have gone back in time to 1940s and fight spider monsters and evade Mahogany, but that is a wholeeee other explanation. There's also the vampire/siren/witch side to all of this, which again is something far too complicated to get into now. But the demon lore runs through a lot of different ocs and ideas I have, there is Vanta, Aranea, Amastridi, Cervida and Vipera, all with their own connections to different stories.

Wow I wrote a lot 😭But this was so much fun!!! I love talking about them all they are my babies <3

ello

anyone want to hear me yap about my ocs

pls

[writingsbychlo]

sun in the shadows (11)

word count; 10,191

summary; you go to dinner with stiles, and things that were once great rapidly go south.

notes; you’re gonna hate me. sorry.

warnings; reference to panic attacks, a lot of yelling, just heart pains, y’know?

There was music vibrating the flooring from the apartment next door to Stiles and Noah’s, and it had taken you a moment to distinguish between the two, considering how often it was that the noise was coming from behind this door instead. Swinging open a second later, your flannel-clad best friend stood behind it, a spark in his gaze and a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes when he greeted you.

“Hey, Sti.”

“Howdy, pretty lady. Come on it.” Stepping back, he swung his arm dramatically for you, and you giggled a little as you walked in, bag swinging by your side and keys rattling in your hand as you clutched them with your phone. “I figured I’d drive, it’s easier than taking two cars.”

“That means I get to drink.” You smirked, hanging your own up on the key hooks next to the door, and slipping your bag down from your shoulder to take up a temporary residence on the coat rack. “Where’s Noah?”

“Loverboy is right there on the couch.” Stiles pointed over your shoulder, your brows furrowing a little at his lack of greeting, and when you turned, you realised why. Now that you could see the headphone sitting on his head, you knew why, and you could pick up the very faint humming that was coming from them, unintelligible with the muffled effect, but clearly loud in his ears.

Crossing the room to him, he was focused on his computer screen before him, typing rapidly up at an essay you weren’t entirely aware of, but it was presumably just a final assignment before the end of the year. Placing your hands gently on his shoulders, he jumped rather violently at the sudden touch, and your chin rested on the top of his head as your hands ran a little further down his chest. Sinking back into the couch once the stiffness from his body faded away, the reflection in the computer screen showed a smile, and one of his hands came up to rest over the top of your left. The other raised up, enough to lower the headphones from his head, and leave them hanging around his neck.

“Hey, sunshine.”

“Hey, starshine.” Sliding around onto the couch, you ignored the slight gagging sound Stiles made from the kitchen, taking a seat beside Noah, and he removed the headphones entirely, twisting to face you a little more. Leaning in, his smile shrunk, something softer but a little more serious as your nose bumped against his, before your lips weer brushing together. Once again timid at first, before he was pushing a little closer to you, confidence behind his actions as he left a sure kiss to your lips, smiling all the while.

One warm but calloused hand came up to sit on your cheek, thumb smoothing over your cheekbone each time he pulled back, only to come back in with another peck and another, until you were grinning too widely to let him press anymore. His cheeks were pink when he pulled back to look at you, something sparkling behind his darker brown eyes as he did, and you leaned a little more into his palm, just before it pulled away.

“You two sicken me, I can’t stand to be in this room right now.” You scowled, turning to look at your best friend, and the blush on Noah’s cheeks only got deeper, turning to face his computer as he’d missed the presence of his brother behind you both entirely. “I’m going to get my coat and my jacket, and we can go.”

“Go?” Noah echoed as Stiles left the room, and you shrugged, collapsing back into the cushions of the couch, even if it would only be for a little while.

“I’m going to dinner with Stiles.”

“Oh.” He hummed, and you smirked a little, head tipping to the side to look at him as he tried to hold his face steady. “Sounds fun.”

“Do you wanna’ come too?” You teased him with the tone of your voice, and his eyes narrowed on you a little as he picked it up, but his smile was breaking through the false frown he wore.

“I would, but I can’t.” Raising a brow at him, you prompted him on further, and his gaze flicked to his screen for just a moment. “I have an online lecture in an hour. Can’t miss it.”

“Shame, it’s always more fun when you’re there.”

“Always?” He grinned, leaning in closer again, until his nose was bumping yours, and he let out a breathy laugh against your lips. “We’ve only ever been out together for dinner with my brother once.”

“Yeah, well, that one time was pretty fun. You opened up a lot, I liked that.”

“I like it when you open up too.” He mused, hand landing on your thigh as he moved to place a kiss to your lips, the innuendo not going unnoticed, and you scoffed, twisting your head as not to muffle your laughter, and he grunted when his lips met your cheek instead.

“You’re awful, you know that?” You shoved at him, grinning all the while as he backed off. “So many bad jokes. And dirty jokes. And bad, dirty jokes. That’s all you are.”

“Yeah, but you like it.” He was too confident in himself, and you rolled your eyes, moving to pick up the headphones that still had noise coming from them, and he only watched as you did.

“So, what are you listening to?”

“Your playlist. Well, I mean, the one I made for you. It reminds me of you.” You placed the headphones over your head, a song you were unfamiliar with but had a catchy tune meeting your ears, and you wicked a little at the volume. Reaching a hand up, Noah adjusted the dial on the side of them, turning it down to an appropriate level, and you couldn’t help the tapping of your foot along with the rhythm. “You like this song?”

“I’ve never heard it before, but it’s pretty good.”

“A little time with me, and I’ll have your music taste expanding considerably.” He smirked a little, switching the song while it was halfway through, and beginning to skip through them, clearly in search of one as his eyes were fixed on the computer screen. Lifting the headphones down from your head, his gaze moved back to you, smile flittering for a second as contentment became questioning. “What?”

“You sure you don’t wanna’ come to dinner? I haven’t seen much of you this week.”

He snorted a little, and you rolled your eyes at him, his hand coming out across the cushions to find yours. Flipping it over, your fingers laced together lightly, and he was still smiling when your gaze dragged up from looking at your connected hands to meet his. “We went for coffee twice, and it’s only Thursday.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m clingy.” You mumbled, pouting as you shrunk back into the cushions some more, and he only chuckled at your false mood.

“I like that you’re clingy.” His hand slid further up your arm, griping lightly at your bicep to pull you to sit up again, and his lips moved close enough to your own once again that you could taste the coffee he must’ve had at some point, warm on your tongue when you inhaled. “I’m kinda’ clingy too, but I just meant that we’ve spent a normal amount of time together so far.”

“For what, normal couples?”

“Oh, shut it.” His lips brushed against your own teasingly, sweet kisses that barely touched your lips, and you smiled, pushing up further into him, only to be teased more when he pulled back, just enough to keep your kisses like featherlight dances instead of loving embraces.

“You gonna’ kiss me already? It’s rude to leave a gal waiting, you know.”

“I’m thinkin’ about it.” He whispered, puckering enough that you could finally steal a few simple kisses from his lips, between fleeting smiles and tips of his head, noses bumping each time he pulled back, only to take your chin between his fingers and kiss you again. “Why don’t you stay over tonight? I’ll kiss you plenty more then.”

“Deal.”

“Gross.” Stiles scoffed, and you groaned once again, pulling back reluctantly as you turned to face him. “Tonight is about me, thank you very much. I got problems.”

“You got no sense of timing. What problems could you possibly have?” Noah scoffed, twisted enough to lay his hand over the back of the couch and face his brother.

“That is a topic for me, her,” Stiles pointed at you, your brows raising for a second when Noah’s eyes flicked to your own, and you shrugged, “and a bottle of wine. Let’s go.” Standing from the couch to do as told, you stretched slightly, Noah following and Stiles grabbed his keys from the hook by the door, a hand settling on your lower back, guiding you. “You wanna’ come with us, Noah? I suppose I’ll let you in on all my big secrets. We did share a womb, and all.”

“I can’t, but if you brought me back some food, that would be awesome.” Stiles only nodded, turning away to undo the latch on the door. Grabbing your bag for you, Noah lifted it up and over your shoulder, a barely audible thank from you as he did, and only dipped his head in acknowledgement.

“What do you want us to bring you back?” With your jacket on and your bag retrieved, you were ready to go, Noah’s fingers smoothing the hair back out of your face when you turned to look up at him again.

“You know what I like,-”

“Yeah, you.” Stiles muttered, and you swung your hand out, smacking him roughly on the arm and leaving him to curse and rub it better, turning back to Noah instead. His twin had ignored him, despite the pink hue to his cheeks because of it.

“Just surprise me, I don’t mind.”

“‘Kay.” With eyes flicking to his brother for just a second, Stiles whistled excessively and turned away to the corridor, allowing you just a moment of quiet as he turned away. A few simple kisses, one to your forehead and then to your lips, the latter a little prolonged, before you were being pushed back away towards the door. A soft smile, warm cheeks and then you were leaving, waving goodbye to him before hooking your arm through Stiles’ and letting him guide you away.

Once the front door was closed, the whispering stopped, and a wickedly smirking Stiles turned to you. “So, things between you and my brother are getting intense, huh? When do you both change your Facebook status?”

“Who the hell changes their Facebook status, Sti? What are you, forty?”

“Hey! He flicked at your nose, punching the button for the elevator with his thumb a second later, and as the two of you waited, he turned to face you again. “Seriously, though, what’s the deal?”

“Well, I guess-”

The door pinged, a group of girls that lived down the hall from him stumbling out. They were giggly and drunk, greeting you both warmly with hugs that were weak and smiles that were a little too wide, loudly chatting as they passed you both by. The smell of floral perfume and booze was strong in the elevator, and once the doors closed, you were left in a little shock. “Oh, my God, I feel like I’m choking on perfume. I’m gay, I shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“I’ve used your bathroom after you got ready, I had to fumigate your cologne out of it.”

Stiles’ jaw dropped at your joke, the machine whirring as it began to lower towards the ground floor, and you giggled at the shocked look on his face. “I do not wear that much cologne.”

“Sure, Sti. Tell me again, how much did your industrial-sized bottle cost?”

“I despise you. That was on an offer, and it’s a refill bottle, it saved me so much money.” You only hummed as the doors opened, and you nodded disbelievingly, following him out of the elevator. Holding the door or the parking lot open for you, he scoffed, a scowl on his face but amusement in his eyes. “Fuck you, okay? You can go hungry.”

“I’ll go home if there’s no food.”

“You’ll do no such thing.” He snipped, knowing it was true, and only a second later, he was grinning again, the two of you making your way over to the powder blue jeep. He held the door open for you on the passenger side, bowing dramatically as he bent at the waist, before slamming the door shut once you were clear, a slight skip to his step as he rounded to his side of the vehicle.

Hopping inside himself, the radio sparked to life with a twist of the keys in the engine, a slight spluttering from the vehicle as it came to life, and his fingers messed with the volume dial, turning it down and strapping himself in. “You know, your brother is a mechanic.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my car.”

“Yeah, they are totally supposed to make those sounds.” You teased, and he patted the dashboard, one hand smoothing over the worn leather of the steering wheel.

“Don’t you listen to her, baby. She’s just jealous because her car isn’t as cool.”

“You’re so weird.” The words came out as a laugh, and then the music filled the silence, his attention moving to the roads before you both. It was always comfortable with Stiles, and despite his erratic tapping or the slightly grainy radio that he insisted he was fine, driving with Stiles was like taking a step away from real life. It was disconnecting, just for a moment, and oddly enough, it was one of the few times when he was quiet.

Today, though, was different. Stiles was different. He was a little twitchy, skipping between small talk topics like the weather and the latest movie trailers, like there was too much on his mind for him to contain, but he was trying to distract himself. He was so busy that you barely got a word in between here and the restaurant, just trying to process every piece of nonsense that he was saying. The man barely took a breath until he was falling out of his vehicle and into the parking lot, the evening chill striking into him for a second and forcing him to pause.

“Got a lot on your mind, Stiles?”

“Yeah. Kinda’.” He sighed, biting down on his bottom lip to quiet himself when it looked like nonsensical jumble was going to start pouring from him again, and he shrugged slightly, before choosing to offer his elbow to you for your arm to weave through his own. “I want to hear the specials before we start unpacking all of that.”

“Then we’d better get you inside. The suspense is killing me.”

With a little tug on his elbow, his clumsy footsteps fell into step beside you, lanky legs taking shorter steps as you took strides just to keep up with him, and a gush of warmer air washed over you both once you stepped inside. The smell of mixed spices and warming meals hung in the air, music made of chimes and upbeat notes playing from speakers in the ceiling and low lighting to set the tone for the evening as the sun outside was setting and leaving the city shrouded by dusk.

You were seated, a reservation under his name that was spelt incorrectly on the sheet, and a table in the back corner with plush seats was given over to you both. The table cloth was long, thick white cotton brushing the exposed skin on your thighs as you tucked yourself in. Your waitress disappeared after handing a menu over to both of you and taking a drinks order, leaving you to sit in silence, with an empty glass each, and a jug of iced lemon water, which your friend was quick to pour out.

His foot was tapping agitatedly against the ground as soon as he had sat back down, sipping continually at his water until the glass was half empty, and you took pity on him. Reaching a leg out under the table until your foot could press up to his, the bouncing of his heel stopped, his eyes raising up to meet yours, and his face crumples a little bit.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Sti.”

“I know, I just- I want to talk about it, but it’s really stressing me out. I feel like now that we’re actually here, it’s more real.” He sighed, giving in to his stress and letting his elbows rest on the table so that his chin could fall to his hands, and he was staring at you expectantly, like you had all the answers.

“I can’t help you ‘til you tell me what’s up.”

“You mean to tell me you’re not a psychic?” He smiled, sitting up straighter again when the waitress returned, and he took his pop immediately, lips sealing around the straw as he took a long gulp of it, and she produced her notepad.

You’d barely had a chance to look at the menu, opening it up and flicking your eyes over it, you looked for the safest option, something you already knew, letting Stiles fill the time with chatter to the waitress as he ordered his own meal. Placing your orders and letting her disappear, Stiles watched her walk away, and then glanced around the restaurant for a while, before his gaze finally came back to you.

“Okay, fine. Stop staring into my soul.” The edges of your lips flicked up at the sides, but your amusement didn’t last long, because he barely even reacted to his joke, the frown on his face becoming permanent. “I feel like I’m losing everyone in my life.”

“That’s heavy.” Your breath left you very suddenly, like a punch to the gut as he spoke, and he shrugged, looking vulnerable as he stared at you. “Shit, that’s not what I was expecting.”

“Yeah, well, I need advice, and I figured, that’s what best friends are for, right?”

“I suppose so.” You sighed over-dramatically, a smile forming on your best friend's face as you did. His hand was resting atop the table, scratching lightly at the table cloth. You weren’t even sure he knew he was doing it, fidgeting was just a by-product of his anxiety, and your hand settled over Stiles’ across the table, calming his movements. “Why do you feel like you’re going to lose everyone?”

“Well, you know, you’re whatever it is you and Noah have going on, which is to be expected, I knew you were going to meet someone someday, but sometimes it’s hard when you come over and it’s not to see me. It feels odd.” It was a hard confession to be made right off of the bat, a slight guilt pooling in your lower abdomen, and he shrugged, but wouldn’t meet your eye.

Squeezing his hand lightly, you turned it over, holding it carefully and raising your second to be able to hold it even tighter, his hand squeezing back over yours in response, and a seeking of comfort. “You know, when you first started dating Derek, you had way less time for me, and I had to get used to that. Our Friday movie nights became your and Derek’s date nights, and that hurt at first, but I got used to it. Because it made you happy, and I wanted you to be happy.”

“I forgot about our Friday movie nights.” He gave a small smile, forcing his gaze to rise so his eyes would meet your own, and you gave one in return.

“You’re not gonna’ lose me, Stiles. Haven’t you already got plans to be my maid of honour?”

“I guess it would be a shame for you all to miss me in a fabulous dress.” He tried to seem positive, like his problems were solved, but you could still pick up the fear and hopelessness that he was trying so hard to cover.

“You’re my best friend, Stiles. I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I never want to know. Maybe after college we won’t see as much of one another, and maybe we won’t get to hang out like this as much, but I’ll always be there for you.” He heaved a heavy sigh, sinking more into his seat, but this one felt a little more relieved. “You know, your brother has these same kinds of fears. You should talk to him.”

“He does?”

“Yeah.” You lifted your drink, taking a sip, and he groaned disapprovingly.

“You can’t just leave it at that! I feel like Noah is slipping away too, tell me about him, so I know how he feels.” His tone was begging, and you once again felt that pang of guilt, shaking your head as your glass was lowered back to the table. Despite taking a drink, your throat was dry once again, and you cleared it lightly before speaking.

“I can’t, Stiles.” His face crumpled, a pout forming on his lips, and you mirrored him. “It’s private stuff, things between me, him, and my files. I can’t say anything.”

“You can’t say anything?” He echoed you, eyes narrowing on you slightly, like he was analysing you, and you couldn’t figure out why.

“You should talk to him.” You pushed, ready to question the looks you were receiving, before a plate was landing in front of you. The shock made you jump a little, a plate landing before Stiles too, and you had never even heard the waitress approach with your meals. She was smiling brightly, clearly unaware of the tension between you both and the weight of the conversation looming overhead. She offered you drink refills and sauces, and everything you could possibly need, before she was leaving once again. “Your brother loves you, Stiles, and I know you love him. If you just talk about this, you’ll work it out.”

“Despite the weirdness of you dating my brother, it’s kinda’ comforting. You know us both so well, your advice is specialised.” His brows wiggled, and you rolled your eyes lightly at him. As you picked up your knife and fork, beginning to poke through your food, his own scraped slightly against the plate, a mumbled apology for the wince it caused. Before he was tucking into his food.

“So, do you want to tell me about your problems with Derek?”

His gaze snapped up to yours, shocked and astounded, his vigorous chewing paused as his full cheeks went still, and you pushed a polite forkful of food into your mouth as your gaze stayed locked with his. His chews were slower, and he choked down the large mouthful all in one creating a loud gulping as he did, following it with a large gulp of water. “How the hell did you know that?”

You smiled despite your mouthful, chewing again and swallowing your first bite as he continued to stare. “Well, you know, for starters, if your problems were solely about myself and Noah, you’d have turned to Derek for advice, plus, Derek was not invited to this dinner. You’ve also been having a lot more little disagreements with Derek than usual lately, and lastly, you haven’t spoken about him once yet today. You normally always want to brag about your big beefcake boyfriend.”

“I thought I was the one who wanted to become a criminal profiler.” He teased, cutting up more food on his plate as he took a break from your lingering gaze to stare down it, and thinking about his next words.

“Spill.”

“Pushy.” He teased, taking another bite, and the silence only lasted for a few seconds longer, before taking another mouthful, chewing on one side of his mouth to be able to talk. “It’s not really an issue, it’s more of a disagreement. He wants to jump right into life, right?”

“I’m not seeing an issue.”

“Because there isn’t an issue. Just a difference on when.” Your brows furrowed a little, waiting for him to explain, and he was pushing food around his plate with his fork. “I want to jump into life and all, I do, but I want to take a break. A gap year, or whatever. Maybe travel, maybe stay put, but just take a little break.”

“And Derek doesn’t?”

“No.” Stiles huffed, stabbing slightly too aggressively at the piece of steak on his plate. “He wants us to move in together, he wants to get an apartment on the other side of the country where his family’s law firm works. He doesn’t think we need a gap year, he just wants to go straight into life.”

“What I’m hearing is that you have a loving and devoted boyfriend who misses his family and wants to live with you.”

Stiles stared at you, appalled for a second, before picking up a fry with his fingers and pointing it at you. “Don’t simply my problems when I’ve overthought them all in my head.” He bit the end of the fry aggressively, and you crossed your knife and fork on your plate, the meal half-eaten as your hands came to join in front of you.

“Just because Derek wants to move across the country and start working doesn’t mean you can’t still take a gap year, Stiles.”

“What do you mean?” He was puzzled now, his brows rising and that sweet look of confusion on his features that made him look so young, and he continued to munch through his fries at an almost alarming rate.

“I just mean that it sounds like Derek is trying to build a reliable and secure future for the two of you.” His face softened as he thought about it, before a little guilt was coming in. “You could move in with him, and while he starts working, you could take a gap year. He can take days off, and you can go out and do things together, and you can have your gap year full of wild experiences just like you want. Then, when it’s over, you already have a plan in place.”

“Huh.” He sat back, staring a little beyond you as he spaced out for a second, and you filled the time with your own food, trying not to take too much amusement in the way his face visible flickered with various emotions as he thought about your words. “You know, I may have slightly over-reacted in my last conversation with Derek, then.”

“Well, you’ve never been known to be dramatic before.”

“I will stab you with a fork.” He mumbled, sticking his tongue out at you, and you couldn't stop the burst of laughter that escaped you because of it.

“Thanks for proving my point.” You mocked, and his eyes rolled.

“You suck. Shut up and eat your pasta.” Using his own fork, he reached across, ignoring your protests and making mocking and false threats to stab you with the instrument, before taking several chunks onto his fork, and forcing it into his mouth unattractively. “That's good pasta.”

You cringed as he spoke through his food, watching up swallow it once again, before moving back to his meal.

“That’s what you should get Noah.”

“You think?” Your body buzzed with a subtle spark of excitement just at the mention of the man’s name, and Stiles seemed to pick up on it, smirking as he stared at his plate, picking up more food with his cutlery.

“You guys are, like, really into each other, huh?”

You could only shrug, poking at the remnants of your food, the nerves of a talk you knew was coming but finally being here making your appetite shrink. That didn’t seem to matter though, because the second that you placed down your cutlery to indicate that you were finished, Stiles was reaching across, beginning to pick at your food as he’d finished his own.

“It’s okay. I mean, I know I make a lot of jokes, but you’re good for him.” His words made a smile rise, it was beyond your control, and your hand came up to rest on your cheek, leaning it against the table. “I think he’s pretty good for you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Stiles smiled, taking all of the dishes and stacking them, moving them away from yourselves to the edge of the table. “He was talking to my dad the other day. I know my dad knows of you, and I mean, I’ve definitely told my dad some stuff about the study and you guys hanging out, but I heard Noah talking to our dad about you yesterday. Pretty sure it’s the first time, he seemed kinda’ flustered.”

“That’s so cute.” You hated how much it made your heart flutter, and a burning wave of heat rush through your body, ducking your head down to hide from Stiles how wide your grin had gotten. “I mean, we haven’t put a label on things, but, that makes me feel secure.”

“I think you bring out the best in each other. It’s nice. You’re brighter with him, and he’s bolder with you.”

“Thanks, Sti. That means a lot.” He grinned, his hand reaching out across the table again, squeezing yours when your palm was pressed to his, and silence fell between you both once again. The restaurant itself was loud, it was busy with the evening rush and the windows to the outside were now black as the night shrouded you in, but there was a bubble formed around the pair of you at this moment.

“So, are we wanting to take a look at dessert menus?”

You jumped, once again caught off-guard by your waitresses silent approach, and you swore she would make an excellent assassin. Or maybe you were just very distracted, but that didn’t matter.

“Uh, absolutely we are. I fuckin’ love the chocolate cake here.”

“Good choice.” She grinned, swiping up the plates and moving away, you were only left alone very briefly, before she was bringing back the one menu for you to look over.

With some persuasion from Stiles about sharing desserts, a request for two spare plates and a fresh set of pasta and some sides to be boxed up for Noah, your waitress was leaving, probably quite happy in the knowledge she’d be getting a very decent tip. Which she did, of course, because she was lovely, she wrapped up your spare food herself and always had a smile, offering refills but never invading your space.

By the time Stiles was paying the check and marking up a tip, you knew it was over 20%, but she’d earned it, and the two of you had become high on laughter and the simplicity of putting everything behind for just a few moments, as you’d giggled and joked like gossiping housewives over dessert.

Your sides were sore from laughter and your cheeks were aching from your smile, and for a while, there wasn’t a single thing in the world to worry about, it was simply you, and your best friend, spending quality time together that lately had been missed, as life had come crashing down.

Stiles was much more cheery as the two of you drove home. He sang to songs on the radio, and he stared out of the window each time you pulled up to a stoplight, and the tension between you both was much lighter. As the two of you got back, there was much more of a pep in his step as you walked back into the building than there had been when you’d left, and you suspected it was due to the weight that had been lifted from his shoulders.

Even if the issues were not entirely solved, Stiles had once been trapped in a maze that seemed like it had no way out, but he had now garnered a clarity, like a light leading the way, a key to the door that trapped him. He just had to build up the bravery to use it. His keys jingled in his hands as he fished them from his pocket once you had stepped from the elevator, along with the rustle of the bag of food swinging by your side each time your leg bumped it gently as you walked.

“We’re back!” You yelled, the door slamming behind you as Stiles closed it, and you jumped a little, sliding your bag down your arm and hanging it up, the paper bag with spare food stored inside rustling in your other hand.

“That was the worst ‘honey, I’m home’ I have ever heard.” Stiles teased, hanging his keys back up on the key rack.

“I don’t know, I thought it was pretty good.” Noah’s slightly deeper, slightly raspier voice appeared around the edge of the doorway, and your attention moved to him. He’d changed, swapped out from his day clothes into his pyjamas. Skinny jeans had become baggy pyjama pants and his jumper had become an old baggy t-shirt, hair a mixture between messy and flattened by the band of his headphones, with a sweet smile on his face as he reached out.

Holding the bag of food out to him, his grin stretched wider, and he stepped forwards, both hands landing on your hips instead, and you couldn't help the growth of your own beam, even as Stiles scoffed beside you. “I literally hate the pair of you, it’s disgusting.”

“Go be bitter somewhere else.” Noah mumbled, stepping a little closer, and Stiles’ shoes squeaked against the floor as he wandered away. Soft and delicate kisses were pressed to your lips, a few sweet pecks. His fingers pressed into your skin more as he held you a little tighter, pulling you a little closer by the grip on your waist, and you hummed against his lips when his head tipped to the side. His tongue dared to poke out, tracing along your lower lip slowly, and you chuckled, pulling back to look at him, your nose bumping his own when he whined a little.

“Easy, tiger. Plenty of time for that.”

“Weren’t you the one who was begging me for kisses before? I’m just holding up my end of a deal.” He teased, your cheeks heating, but he didn’t get a chance to notice before his lips were already moving back in to capture your own in a loving and heated kiss, and you couldn't help but return it. Despite the smile on his face and the matching one on your own, slow kisses were shared between you both, your free hand coming up to tangle in the hairs at the base of his neck. “I laid out some clothes you can wear to sleep in.”

“The comfy green sweatpants?”

“Well, you were so fond of them last time.” His smile became a smirk, the images associated with the night he was talking about flashing behind your eyes, ad the phantom feeling of lips tracing over your skin sent a shake along your spine, goosebumps rising on your skin. It seemed that he knew the effect he had on you, and the care he’d given you afterwards when offering you the clothes the first time. “Was thinkin’ we could watch a movie?”

“Definitely, but I have a little work to do first.”

“That sucks,” He tipped your face up, pressing a few kisses along your jaw, and your knees went a little weak as he did, your hand lightning against the handle of the bag as you gripped it. “You sure? You could leave it ‘til tomorrow.”

“You’re playing dirty.” He only hummed, teeth teasing a little over the skin of your jaw, and your breath was shaky as it came out. Finding a little strength, your hand slipped from his hair to his chest, pushing him backwards, and there was an adorable pout on his face as he looked at you. “Go listen to music, or something. I’ll work for as long as it takes you to eat your food, okay?”

“Fine, but I’m choosing the movie too, and since you’re insisting on being boring, you don’t get a say in it.” He leaned back in, stealing a final peck from your lips as you attempted to complain, noises silenced and he walked away from you with a cheeky grin, back toward the living room. Taking your folder from your bag, the pen and highlighter you’d brought still clipped to the top of it, and you left it out on the kitchen counter, the bag of food that you’d brought following it.

They both sat there, in the few minutes that it took you to slip away to Noah’s room and change, leaving your clothes folded on his desk and your shoes tucked down on the floor beside his chair. When you returned, Stiles was in his comfy clothes too, and he was picking through the bag of food you’d brought home, already unpacking it as his brother sat on the couch.

“You know, that food wasn’t intended for you.”

“Yeah, but, I’m hungry again.” He shrugged, peeling back the folded tinfoil edges and lifting the cardboard off. Swiping the carton out and away from him, you turned your back on him, taking the bag too and turning away from him to face the counters behind yourself. “Please, I’m hungry.”

“You’re greedy. You have snacks. This isn’t for you.”

“When did you become such a mom?” He grouched, reaching past your head and into the cupboards in front of you as he grinned, taking out a couple of bags of chips and a jar of dip from the fridge. When he left your peripherals, you no longer knew what he was doing, instead, focusing on sourcing a plate and beginning to serve up the meal from various cartons. Scraping out the noodles onto the plate, and arranging the dry elements around the source, you were proud of the presentation.

The noise of random reality show TV chatter was filling the background, the crunching of Stiles snacking harmonising with it. Grabbing a set of cutlery from the drawer and balancing them on the edge of the plate, you spun around. Rather than two heads at the couch, there was just one, that of Noah, and Stiles was sitting at the kitchen counter.

Your file was open in front of him, the warm joy filling you changing to cold fear so quickly that a wave of weakening nausea washed over you, and the plate in your hand wobbled, the cutlery dropping away to the floor and clanging loudly against the wooden slats. “Stiles, no!”

“What?”

He jumped, just as much as Noah did as he flinched at the shout and the sharp sound, and you reached out to put the plate down before your grip went so weak that you actually dropped it. “What the hell are you doing?”

Noah was on his feet, and Stiles looked like a deer caught in the headlights, his hunched form straightening out as he went stuff, and his eyes were wide, vulnerable shock on his face as he stared at you. “Well, I mean-” His eyes flicked down to the file, and he gulped as he swallowed. “We talked, about stuff, and you said there were notes in your file but you couldn't tell me, I thought you meant that in an ‘I won’t say it out loud but if you happened to read it then that’s okay, ha ha ha’ sort of thing!”

“What?” You all but hissed the word incredulously, and he shrunk under your stare.

“You didn’t mean that?” Stiles’ voice was a little squeaky now, and as he approached, Noah seemed to realise what he was reading, his own eyes going wider as he snatched the file away from his twin. Silence fell across the room, a pit forming in your stomach as your hands trembled a little, and you wondered just what pages Stiles had read before you’d stopped him, and he twisted in his seat to face Noah. “You have secret anger pent up against me?”

“What?” Noah had a shocked look on his face, one that morphed between fear, to humiliation, to anger, before a fiery gaze was turning to you. “You wrote that?”

“No!” Your heartbeat hard, thudding against the inside of your chest with a force that almost hurt, and you wrung your hands together. “I mean, not in those exact words?”

“Well, then what the fuck did you write?”

“Uh, just that you basically fucking hate your own brother!” Stiles interjected, a hurt look on the younger twins face, and you knew he was doing it on purpose but he was making everything that much worse. “You hate me, you feel like I abandoned you, you feel like I don’t care!”

“That’s not true-”

“It's not? Then why does it feel like everything makes more sense now that it’s out there, huh?” It was Stiles’ turn to yell, your ears ringing from the volume and you were scared by the stare they were both fixing one another with, pure fire burning in both of their eyes as each refused to back down from the other. “I knew something was wrong, I fucking knew it! You never talked to me about this stuff, you never talk to me about anything anymore!”

“I’m the one that doesn’t talk to you?”

“Yeah!” Stiles stood, hands on his hips as Noah’s chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, both of their faces growing a little redder from the heat of anger, and you could barely breathe.

“You never talk to me! You just started your stupid fucking podcast, where you broadcast your feeling out to everyone in the world except for me, and you shut me out!” Noah burst, seemingly regretting his words, and hurt etched its way onto Stiles face for a second, his shoulders, slumping slightly, and his hands fell flat at his sides.

“That’s what you think? That I would rather talk to everyone but you?” Noah shrugged, and a flicker of pain amongst the betrayal and anger on Stiles’ face made your heart break behind your ribs, before yet another blow was delivered from your sarcastic friend. “You think that I’m the one that did this to us, like it wasn't you that created this rift? How could you not tell me about all of these problems you have with me, that I never even knew about?”

“What fucking pages did you read?” He tore open the file still clenched in his hands, sheets becoming warped and crumpled under his grip, and as he stared down at them, eyes flicking over the page, there was a range of emotions travelling so fast across his features you could barely decipher them. Silence hung heavy, and he flicked rapidly between the pages, barely taking in the information but flicking between everything you’d highlighted, everything that seemed important during a fit of rage, and you could barely think of anything but regulating your breathing and slowing your heart, never mind how to stop him.

It all became irrelevant, however, when his gaze came back to find your own.

“How could you?” The anger was turned back to you, furious eyes with a shine that only indicated tears, and you tensed up, feeling stuck in the moment, like you were choking on the breath in your throat. “How could you? You said we were just talking, you said- some of that stuff- you lied! You said it wasn’t for the study!”

“I-I didn’t mean for it to-”

“To what? To ruin everything? You’re a fucking liar, look what you’ve done!” There was venom behind his words, and you knew he was hurting, but it still stung. The look in his eyes wasn’t like anything you’d ever seen before, it wasn’t defensive or anxious, it was pure pain and anger, and you hated that you were the cause of it.

“Don’t fuckin’ yell at her, this isn’t her fault, Noah!”

Whipping back to face his brother, Noah scoffed, rolling his eyes and your arms wrapped loosely around yourself to stop the trembling you felt coming on. “It isn’t her fault? It’s all her fault! None of this would have come to light, none of this would be happening if it wasn’t for her and this stupid study!”

“You have all this rage towards me! Do you think that would have stayed a secret for our entire lives? Do you think that would have just stayed tucked away neatly in a box and wouldn’t have affected us?” Stiles’ arms fell flat to his side, the wild gestures you were so used to seeing simply going limp as his shoulders sagged. “It’s not her fault you feel this way, it was bound to come out at some point.”

The shouting fell quiet, and there was a tension in the room that made you feel like if you even so much as flinched something would shatter and splinter.

“You know, when we were growing up it was the opposite way around.” Stiles’ voice was a little hoarse from, the shouting, and he sniffed back tears, avoiding everybody’s gaze as he stared at the floor. “You were that guy when we were in high school. You were the one everybody thought was cool, do you know that? So many girls asked me about you, nobody ever asked about me. You were that mysterious guy that didn’t talk constantly like his annoying brother, with the fixer-upper bike that made everyone think you were so fucking cool, and the attitude and the tattoos and everything else! You were that guy, and I was the dorky brother.”

“You never told me that, Stiles.”

“Oh, rich of you to talk about honesty now.” You’d rarely ever heard such malice coming from Stiles, he was like a ray of sunshine that was currently encased entirely by shadows, and you could barely breathe for the way it felt to be trapped here right now. “The difference, Noah, is that I never held that against you. I always loved you, and supported you, and I never let the way I felt about myself become anger towards you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Noah was tense again, your fingernails were digging into your palms so hard you swore they might cut right through, and everything was silent.

The first bullet had been fired, the first real shot of the argument had been thrown, and while you could see regret playing on Stiles’ face, there was no way that he could take back what he’d said now. It was out there, for everyone to hear and know, and the way Noah’s face was twisting from guilt to anger again was enough to suggest that he knew exactly what it meant.

“What is that supposed to mean, Stiles?” It was more of a growl now, tension rising once again like a hand around your throat and a stone in your gut that was just getting heavier.

“Shit, Noah! It means that you do this to your damn self, are you happy now?” Noah’s nostrils flared a little, and Stiles ran a hand through his hair, the gelled style he’d done for the evening falling out into an unruly mess. “You have anxiety, I get it, but I wanted to be my own person in college. You were fine in high school, you had your own little group of friends, and you had your bike, and your ego, and you were fine. Then when the loving adorations of stoners and cheerleaders fell away, you caved in, like their validation was all that mattered!”

“That’s not true!”

“That is true!” Stiles fought back, Noah’s jaw hanging like he’d had more to say, but had been cut off. “It is true, and you know it. Why can’t you see what everyone else can? That you’re a fucking great person, Noah, with so much to offer. You’re funny and you’re smart and you’re a great brother, normally, but you can’t see it for yourself. You rely on everyone else to validate you and make you feel special, when you’re special all on your own. You hate me for making you feel less, when you just can’t see how you’re worth so much more. You isolate yourself, and you judge yourself, and you make yourself into an outcast.” You took a deep breath, the kind of revelations you’d never had the strength to even think about finally voiced into the open air, and it felt a little easier to breathe once there was nothing else to be hidden. “Stop hating me because you can’t love yourself.”

“I don’t hate you, Stiles.”

“Yeah? Because right now, it kinda’ feels like you do.”

With that, Stiles was leaving, the slamming of his bedroom door to follow felt like a crack down the middle of the frozen room, and you let out your breath slowly, trying to shake off the feeling you had. It was nauseous, sitting in your stomach and twisting everything up until you practically felt dizzy, but you knew it must be nothing on how Noah felt. Reaching a single hand out, you placed it gently onto his shoulder, his back still to you, tensed from his position, and he jerked away.

When he turned to face you, it was with a deep scowl, and red-rimmed eyes that still shone with unshed tears, and a cold feeling radiated out from the centre of your chest in bursts. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me.”

“Noah..”

“No!” He stepped back, eyes cold as they looked at you and it was enough to make you freeze where you were, once again shocked to the point of immobility. He was trembling, a hint of fear, presumably about losing his brother after the argument they’d just had, but that too was rapidly washed away when he wiped at his face, tears finally shed barely getting a chance before they were gone. “You did this.”

“I didn’t mean to, Noah.”

“You fucking lied to me. None of this is real.” He muttered, letting out a ragged and humourless laugh. “It’s all so fucking fake.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do!” His head was shaking, and there was a feeling you’d never felt before settling into your gut, a horrid combination of heartbreak and fear as you watched him. “You never accepted me for who I was, all you’ve done is try to change me since the day we met. You force me to socialise with people who aren’t really my friends, and to go to places that spike my anxiety and you all it pushing my comfort zones but now I get it, you’re just changing me. You fucking used me for your grade, you used me for fun, you’re so fucking fake.”

“That’s really what you think of me?” It was like stepping into a bath of iced water, a cold feeling that moved from head to toe, electricity in the worst way possible, nothing exciting or new but unsettling familiar and terrifying as it moved all the way to the tips of your fingers in sparks. “You think I’d use you, you think I’m fake?”

“Oh, c’mon,” He waved around, pointing to everything from the clothes on your body to the plate of food going cold on the counter. “This isn’t you. You aren’t warm jumpers on the couch and reheating food, staying in for the night and listening to music. You’re all popularity and prom queen and parties, you’re bullshit. You’re everything I hate.”

“I don’t think you mean that, Noah. I don’t believe it. I think you’re hurting, and-”

“You think I care what you believe? You think I care at all? Stop trying to analyse me, stop trying to manipulate me right now.” He was glaring, heat in his eyes before something like clarity passed over his vision, and you saw the shift in him as he relaxed a little. “You know what? Just stop altogether. Stop trying to change me, stop your fucking study, stop trying to be a part of my life. I don’t want any of it anymore.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” His arms crossed over his chest, and you tried to stand your ground, copying his motions, until the pair of you were simply stuck, staring one another down. “I mean it.”

“I don’t think you do.”

“I don’t care.” That stung a little, and the calmness of his voice as he spoke made your faith shake, the anger that had been replaced by clarity was wearing you down. “Get the fuck out of my apartment, and get the fuck out of my life. I was doing perfectly fine before I met you.”

“You call secret anger to your brother and unresolved issues ‘perfectly fine’?”

He had a flash of anger again, that and a second of vulnerability, shock at your words as you finally threw a blow at him, but he took it strong, tongue clicking inside of his mouth with snark. “Maybe I was a loner, maybe I didn’t have many friends, but I sure as hell didn’t need you to come in here and try to fix me, because I was never broken!”

“I know that, and I never tried to fix you.”

“You tried to change me!” He yelled back, having at least the decency to look a little ashamed of himself when you flinched, but his stance didn’t change.

“I never tried to change you, I just wanted to help you.”

“Well I don’t want your help anymore, I just want you to get out of my life.” He took a deep breath to follow it, and you were left silent, unsure of what to say. “I mean it. This was fun for a while, while the illusion was still up, but now it’s just a problem, so just leave me alone.”

That struck a little deeper, and your arms feel from their locked position over your chest. You could feel the look on your face change from anger to hurt and you couldn’t help it, because you felt hollow and small as he stared at you. The confirmation came, that your relationship had never even been such a thing to him, it had simply been fun, he thought you were using him and figured he might as well gain something from it too.

The feeling you held weren’t reciprocated, the way he felt wasn’t real, and you took a shaky breath as he continued to stare without remorse to follow his words.

No regret, no back-tracking, no changes. He meant it.

And that was a whole lot worse.

“Fine.”

You moved past him, sure to swerve around his body as you ducked into the corridor, his eyes following you and Stiles’ bedroom door opening again when he peered out into the hall, but you didn’t want to see him either, and it was your turn to slam the door shut.

You felt weak, fingers grasping at the covers as you tried not to cry, because once those tears came you knew it would be a long time before they stopped, and you weren’t ready to deal with that just yet. Your clothes from the day were still neatly folded over the back of his desk chair, seconds later thrown haphazardly across his bed as you struggled to strip yourself of the clothes you’d changed into.

You were shaking, the struggle to undo the knot you’d tied at your waist only made pain turn to frustration, one of your nails tearing as you pulled at the threads, finally coming undone. Your throat was stinging raw from choking back how you felt, and with shaking hands, you folded up the jumper and sweats, leaving them out on the desk, and trying to tug on your clothes. There was shouting behind the door again, muffled voices that weren’t nearly as loud or angry as they had been but still holding rage, and everything felt like it was falling apart.

There was a pang of gnawing guilt in your gut, one you knew was illogical because this wasn’t your fault but it was present nonetheless, and it was already starting to feel like something only pints of ice cream and alcohol could fix. As soon as you’d gathered your things, the door was open again, the voices went quiet, two almost identical faces turning to stare at you.

One blank, the other filled with pity, and you didn’t want to see either right now.

“You don’t have to leave, it’s real late, you can take my bed for the night,” Stiles mumbled, taking a step closer and blocking his brother from your vision, and you were forced to look up to him. He was much a reflection of how you felt, red eyes and sore skin and a frown that felt like it would never leave.

“You know, Stiles, I love you, but with all due respect, I cannot imagine anything worse than staying here tonight.”

He shrugged, lips twitching minutely at one edge. “That seems fair. Do you want me to drive you home?”

You still wanted to cry, and your sniffle made that obvious, but you were still trying to be strong. You meant nothing to Noah, that much was clear, and you didn’t want him to know just how much he meant to you at this moment. Wiping at your eyes when it became apparent the tears weren’t going to leave, you sighed, shaking your head at how nice Stiles was still being, despite it all. “No, I don’t. I’ll drive myself, I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t be reckless, just because you’re mad.”

You ignored Noah, Stiles turning to shoot him a very fast glare, and you moved beyond the pair of them. Swiping your folder from the table, a few sheets were loose, and you didn’t care for them in that time, you didn’t care for any of it, everything you held becoming creased as you grabbed at them. Your bag was still sitting neatly on the coat rack, and with a slightly harsher pull on the zipper, you yanked it open, shoving the notes inside, before swiping it from the hook and letting it fall to your shoulder.

Patting down the pocket of your bag, you couldn't stop the soft whimper that left you when you couldn't find your keys, even after rooting through the purse. You checked all of your pockets too, and as you failed to find them, you were feeling more and more like you were trapped, a caged animal, frightened and alone and the stress made you snap. “Shit! Where are my fucking keys?”

The tears were there now, your voice cracking as you spoke and you didn’t bother to wipe them away because it was obvious, but that didn’t make you feel any less judged by the two sets of eyes on you. A nimble finger and thumb reached past, plucking them from the key rack that your mind had been too foggy to remember hanging them up on, and dropping them into your palm when you held it up. You wanted to small, a silent thank you to Stiles for helping you, but it felt more like a grimace, and your sob was just as apparent when you took a breath. “You sure you don’t want me to drive, or call you a cab?”

“I’m sure, Stiles.”

“(Y/N)..”

Just the sound of your name from his lips, surrounded by so much pity, made your blood boil. “Don’t!” He jumped a little, one of your fingers pointing at him for a second as you glared, and it was your turn to finally be angry. Despite the shell he was putting on, something you knew to be fake from so long of getting to know him, he dared to look guilty, finally, some remorse showing through, and you shook your head at him. “Just don’t.”

There were tears on your face and you knew you looked a mess, the feel of the water dripping from your jaw, the stinging in your eyes and the way you could barely breathe, but you glared a second longer anyway. Your gaze softened as you moved to Stiles, a silent conversation held, before you were gone.

The hallways felt colder, the slam of the door as you’d left made you feel at least a little proud, and the chill through your veins made it easier to breathe. You were being crushed, torn apart from the inside out by how you felt, but the adrenaline of it all was just enough to keep you walking forwards for now, so you followed your feet, and let them guide you to the elevator, hoping it was enough to get you home.