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streets-in-paradise · 2 years

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I’ll Wait - Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader Oneshot

Masterlist

Word Count 10 K

Relationships: Main pairing - Eddie Munson (Fem) Henderson!Reader. implications of Steve Harrington x (Fem) Henderson!Reader on an early development stage.

Warnings: They are in love, they are just idiots. Eddie’s mind oscilating between fluffy and dirty thoughts about the reader. This was titled after a Van Halen song, so you can expect references.

Summary: Eddie pays you an unexpected visit in the middle of the night, time matching with your return from your prom date with Steve. Guessing he is very worried about you just because he doesn’t trust him, you gladly receive him and get into telling him some details of the night. The post party fun with your waiting friend deviates in some sweetly intimate situations that put to test his capacity to hide his feelings for you.

Notes: This oneshot continues my line of work on an in development headcanon series. You don't have to read it to understand this, but checking it adds some context. This follows the end of part 3, also giving some insight on Eddie’s pespective of what happened during it.

Tags: @losersclubisms @p-hoenix @bilesxbilinskixlahey @chalametnpeaches @thatsonezesty13 @poppet05 @starkssnarks @tasmbestspdrman @shinycloudss @slut-for-bucky-barnes @rosencolorgardens @yourthebrokengirl @alexandraoonaghives @dark-angel-is-back

Absolute desperation would be the only way to describe his state that night. Waiting for the phone ring was agony while knowing that was his only circumstantial way of getting news of you. Gareth promised to call for his first spycraft mission report as soon as he would be back from your house, but the logical holdup felt eternal. It was killing him, nothing could shake Eddie out of the overthinking.

Even when trying to focus on the bright side, he would inevitably end up freaking out. You said that you were merely helping out another friend who needed an emergency plan for a prom date after breaking up with his girlfriend and you put yourself in disposition of all Hellfire for a similar deal. Nothing out of the ordinary, you wouldn’t consider it a romantic thing. Yet you also spoke to him about how you wanted to make him proud, for what you had a planned act of representation for the event in honor of all your freak friends. Hellfire was getting a witch, their very own Mistress of the Dark, and you were doing her introductory act as the prom date of Steve Harrington.

That sort of comedic character/mascot of the group you came up with was a defense mechanism you were preparing. It was supposed to leave the bully ex friends of your new troubled friend powerless when they would try to mess with you, meaning that you were going to make fun of any jock on your way. Eddie would have loved to see that. Perhaps if he would have made it into graduation like he should, the spot beside you could have been his. He would have showed up just to be your date and join the fun

Would you have rejected Steve if he would have been in position to ask you as his date for that very same night? The most self indulgent side of his mind chose to make him think you would, but he wasn’t convinced. For as lovesick as he was, Eddie would have never imagined you could be reciprocating his feelings. If there was something you two had in common, besides from a ton of weird interests, was your inability to self perceive as someone people could be crushing on. While he would find it unbelievable in you, precisely because you were his crush, he wasn’t applying the same standards on himself.

It wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be you? The only girl in town who thought he was cool, sometimes even to the point of seeking for his approbation. You were nice, funny, clever, beautiful and you shared most of his passions. A gift from the Valar, too good to be true, it was obvious Melkor had to turn it into a nightmare. From all the girls in the school, Harrington had to pick you. For as much you would insist on claiming him your friend, his invitation to prom at the risk of being mocked for going with you had to mean something. He wasn’t the King anymore, but his social capital couldn’t be completely gone. After all, he was still a good looking athlete and some other girl would have wanted to be his date. You were picked for a reason, he wasn’t a random desperate weirdo who wouldn’t get any other chance.

Was it some sort of poetic justice thing? Would the universe make him pay for the audacity of Johnnatan Byers? The jock lost his girlfriend to an outcast dude, so he was taking away some other’s crush in return to balance karma. Losers would never get to have a win-win, someone had to suffer the consequences and that fool had to be him. Eddie Munson, the town’s freak, bottom pit of the school hierarchy. He needed to know what the hell was going on, for his own sanity, someone had to bring him a glimpse of an explanation. It was most likely that Gareth guessed why he wanted to know the details, but Eddie knew he wasn’t judging. Who could blame him for catching feelings for you?

It could have happened to anyone in the group. Even all the other guys who weren’t necessarily interested in you managed to get flustered over your nice comments a couple of times. They weren’t used to getting sweet compliments from girls and you were adorable, always finding some random positive thing to say that would leave them a bit shocked. His friend was pretty sure it made total sense for Eddie to be crushing on you, since he was the one who discovered you first and dragged you with them. The spy was helping you both in different ways, for you to get ready with your date thing and for Eddie to survive through it.

There was at least one good thing for him that came in with the call: Gareth got pictures of your look. One was his, of you two together and you personally gifted it to him. The other one, a little stolen treasure for his friend obtained on the duty, showed you posing alone. That was the good news, that Eddie asked to hear the last. Before getting to know that he had to endure not so pleasant information.

Harrington was a favorite of your family, your mother was very happy about your date with him and he was some sort of hero in your brother’s eyes. It was a super weird detail that caught the informant’s attention: the little nerd was best friends with him. He barely saw him at your house because he was taking part in Steve's preparations and that alone was an indicator of how close they were. When asked about your date’s reaction to you, Eddie’s not so subtle way to beg Gareth to let him know if the jock was into you, he had to do his best to share the information from an objective point that wouldn’t lead to a total disaster. The dude was jaw dropping with you, but there was an implied confirmation about how you were convinced that the situation was a fake date.

Not like that alone could stop Eddie from freaking out, but it was meant to be his own Phial of Galadriel: a bit of light among all the darkness. The jock fallen from grace was probably into you, but you got there for the sake of friendship. The previous desperation only grew, he needed to see you and he wasn’t willing to wait anymore. He simply couldn’t, or he would go insane.

Staying impassive until an approximated hour in which you could be back home was already painful, he wouldn’t hold on for an entire day. The nerves were making him smoke like crazy, only releasing activity he was allowing himself for the moment because getting high or drunk wasn’t an option if he wanted to see you later that night. Not caring for anything else, he was ready to sneak inside your bedroom just to see you. He really needed you to bring him calm.

He made it until way past midnight, only to find out he was arriving at your house almost at the same time you did. What the hell was that dude doing with you, for you to get home that late? Rushed thoughts made him think for the worse.. What if that asshole drove you to some calm, isolated spot to get the favorite post prom night tradition?

Was that what he wanted with you? Could he have popped your cherry on the backseat of his car? Eddie regretted that thought immediately, it was you who that was talking about. Sex on the first date was so not your style, starting by the fact that you never dated before. Maybe that very stretched conclusion was just a mean spirited projection of his touch starved self wanting you, another consequence of his infatuation.

While giving you time to arrive calmly, he began to search for the best way to sneak inside after you. He had to improvise and the backdoor was the easier way in, your room wasn’t actually that hard to find from there. Lights were on and the door was open, it had to be yours.

From a quick peek, he noticed some makeup on top of the desk and some clothes here and there that looked like they could be yours. The walls were full of posters, too many rock celebs to pay attention to each, and some horror ones. It surprised him to notice there wasn’t yet a Nightmare on Elm Street poster somewhere there, a mental note he was pointing to get you one because he knew you loved that movie.

Hearing you arrive through the noise of your high heels was the confirmation he needed to know he was in the right place, for what he did the best to stay cool.

“ Hi, sweetheart! You should really check that backdoor. Does your brother sneak out a lot or are you the naughty one?.”

No audible answer, but you seemed more amazed than weirded by him. Smiling innocently for you, Eddie was trying to dissimulate his own amazement.

There you were, finally in front of him and looking as beautiful as you did for your date. Your cute, clueless face contrasted with the makeup style: dark tones in your eyes and a shade of red on your tempting lips. ‘Is Gareth a mind reader or am I that much predictable?’, he thought while observing that. Your hair was mostly loose in its natural form, showing you fulfilled the promise of not straightening it. There were two beautifully crafted braids lost among your curls, decorated with little tokens. It was a small fantasy detail to a formal look that was yet a perfect marriage of metal and horror.

“ … Look at you, honoring us all while looking so damn gorgeous. “ He praised you as he kept his contemplative examination. A necklace guided his view in the right direction. The red dress was perfect for you. It followed the shape of your body in a way he hadn't seen before and he really appreciated the extra effort you put on the cleavage. Not like that casual comment you made to him about your plans had ever left his mind, he would consider it a mission accomplished on your part.

He was proud of your shown bravery and so into it all at once.

“ You are a hot babe.. You know that? It’s like if you were born for that look, too metal for jock hell. I bet you terrorized a lot of populars.”

The compliments made you giggle and he felt about to faint just because he caused that, there was some real surprise in your reaction and he loved it. Eddie was venturing to conclude that your date wasn’t praising you like that. He should have picked a different phrase, but that was the best description his dizzy brain could come up with and he was glad to see you liked it.

The little bit of cheekiness left on him found some encouragement.

“ Are you up for an after-after- party? Just you and me, of course.”

You were still all smiles, trying to come up with a reply but under the certainty that it was going to be affirmative. How were you supposed to say no to him? He just sneaked inside your house in the middle of the night to make sure you were alright instead of waiting for news like the rest of Hellfire. Once again, no other friend would be doing something like that, even calling at that hour would be out of the question.

“ I missed you.” You sweetly confessed, unaware of how much those words meant to him at that moment. “ It would have been awesome to have you around, if you would have wanted to come with Gareth. My family isn’t from Hawkins, we moved here a few years ago so you don’t have to fear prejudices. I don’t want you to feel like you need to hide to be my friend, I’m proud of you and of what we have, I can’t wait for them to meet you.”

That was the explanation you found: you thought he was afraid of showing up earlier because of your family and not due to being jealous to the core over the fact that you were dating another guy. Eddie couldn’t fight his own helplessness as you were trying to reassure him in complete unawareness. Despite that wasn’t the main reason, the words did have an effect on him. You made him feel missed, loved, needed as this super important part of your life.

After what he got to know, that was a great reassurement for completely different reasons. Exactly what he was craving to hear, even when you had no idea of why. Harrington could be a favorite choice of your family, but he himself could be your favorite.

“ I preferred to come over later because I wanted to have you all for myself. “ He answered to calm your assumptions in a quick tease.`` It’s not like I don’t want to be around other people, but sometimes everyone else is too noisy and I just want to be with you. Do you get that feeling too?”

That was a desperate ‘ Do you feel the same?’ hidden in ambiguous language, yet you wouldn’t dare to decodify it correctly.

“ Yeah, I do. I mean, it’s totally understandable to get like that.. at least for me. You mean a lot to me, Eds. I know it may sound weird to you because we don’t have a friendship of years like the ones you have with the guys.”

You were shying away from your own phrase and he frantically tried to make you keep going.

“ Don’t you dare to think I feel any less for you just because you are newer. You are my best girl and you are here with me now, that’s all I need to care about. It doesn't matter how long it took you to get there ”

As you listened you were trying to dissimulate the bright excitement by dropping somewhere there all the stuff you brought with you from the bathroom when you thought you were all alone and about to remove your makeup to later change clothes. It wasn't like you didn't want to let your friend know how much his appreciation meant to you, but you were terrified of him reading the crush in you.

Right after you did that, you closed the door behind you.

" Mind if I lock it? My brother is sleeping, but we never know when that could change and he doesn't knock every single time he comes in."

" Spoiled boy that knows he is able to come to you at any hour. " Eddie mocked himself through your explanation. " It's fine, I wouldn't want him to see me as the weirdo that got inside his sister's bedroom right after her date with the hero. "

His jealousy was talking for him again. It was subtle, but it slipped out like some verbal vomit.

" Dustin is going to love you, I can feel it because we know each other better than anyone in the whole world. " You corrected him. " If you are important to me, then you will become important to him. That's basically how Steve became my friend: my brother loves him and that helped us bond. "

Eddie was craving for you to end the sentence with the counterexample just to hear you say that you loved him. Even if in that context it wouldn't mean what he wanted.

" You don't need to worry. I am absolutely sure he will get there by himself and if he doesn't count on me making him love you. If there is something we both are really good at, it is preaching love. "

A literal blessing, either contextualized or decontextualized.

" But it is true that a good introduction will make things way quicker. He can't find you here now, it would be a bad start. He may be little but that doesn't mean he isn't protective and he would get a wrong idea."

Or maybe a very right idea, he thought. The kid would be seeing a dumbass who wanted to be with his sister in every conception of that phrase. An idiot in love, a guiltful thirsty weirdo.. all of that wrapped inside the dude that she would keep introducing as her friend.

" How was the night with Mr Harrington, by the way? Did he give proof of his chivalrous fame?"

The expression made you chuckle.

" It was great, we had a lot of fun. Taking your friend on a sort of publicly expected date may be a loser thing, but it is such a chill experience. You don't have to impress anyone, there is no pressure to make the other person like you. We were unhinged fools together and nothing mattered. It was so funny that we were tecnically considered to be dating even if we were just doing dumb shit."

You didn't tell him about the kiss, there was no point in speaking about that. Why would he want to know? He probably didn't care, Johnnatan didn't describe to you his first kisses with Nancy. Not like Steve and you were like them, but the point was still valid.

It was something that should stay between the two of you, friends who kissed once under certain contextual circumstances. Just like it stayed between you and Eddie at that time when he taught you how to kiss after you confessed to him you were a kissless loser.

" What kind of dumb shit? I want the details. " He insisted. The description fitted with the telling of his spy, but he needed to know more. "One of us doesn't venture in that cursed institution everyday, even less as the date of some athlete. We need to organize the tale we are gonna share among our people."

You sat on the bed to take off your heels and he couldn't help following you with his glance, immediately regretting doing so.

" Do you want to be my bard? "

The ask you delivered was said while you were struggling with the footwear. The long skirt of your dress was complicating your access to the opening-secure adjusting mechanism, which made the compromised leg get more exposed in the fight.

Eddie didn't let you finish it alone, dropping on his knees in front of you to offer his assistance.

" Mind if I help, princess?"

It was a sweet act of service that he really meant to play out cute. The part of him that was a respectful, well intentioned and semi functional perv having the hots for you reacted to the visual, but lust wasn't necessarily his drive for it.

The enamored bard wanted to play being a prince.

" You got hooked on that Cinderella joke, didn't you?" You teased him as a way to hide how soft the situation made you feel because he looked so sweet. " I could use a hand, that would be very nice of you. "

Carefully and delicately, he helped you to get off the footwear during a moment of absolute tenderness. Fortunately for you, he was too focused on it to see you melting. Literal weakness on your part ,a mix of factors was making it very hard for you to dissimulate.

It was his cute expression of concentration, the subtleness of his touch and the fairytale romantical implications of the position. Perhaps you were too influenced by Steve, his words during your slow dance and the wonderful things he introduced you to on that very same night. Stomach ache inducing sweet traditional romance, it got to your head and you were seeing things. Your friend/date left you drunk of it and Eddie was dealing with the beginning of a hangover. You felt sorry for him and the dumb hopefull bitch he would have to stand. At least you had a nice story about Chrissy to tell as payment.

It couldn't be, but it felt almost as if he would be indulging you on exactly what you wanted. What Steve made you want, hard to envision outside of the dreamy context in which he gave it away for you to try. You could be dreaming only of him, at least for that night, yet there was Eddie accidentally feeding on your pointless obsession once more.. Almost as if he refused to be downgraded on your list of fixations.

His classical cute grin acted like a happy and wordless 'done!' just as he finished helping you out. You wanted so badly to kiss him, but you weren't going to try. No more screw ups, you couldn't be kissing two friends on the same night.

The solution you went for was a middle path one, proper of a friend. A chaste peck on the forehead given with your thanks leaving a lipstick stain that you actually found a bit funny to the sight. He laughed with you, but only to stop himself from falling apart.

The hunger for your affection made him love it, yet he couldn't help feeling frustrated. Eddie could swear that his wishfulness made him doubt you could be going for his mouth. His líps parted to welcome yours when you approached, feeling self deceived when the kiss landed on his forehead.

" I'm sorry, Eds. Let me clean you up. " He heard you apologizing.

As if he wouldn't wish you could be staining his líps, neck, and anywhere you wanted with as many kisses as he could get from you... Only if you would want him.

" No problem, dollface. Go ahead, but I want to see it first. I bet it is super cute."

As he was checking himself on the nearest mirror you picked the stuff you brought to clean your own face before you got to know you were having visits. Over the course of that very brief distraction, before you could get to face him again, Eddie found his way to be all over you once more. Arms wrapped around your waist in a hug from behind, he didn't have more excuses than his simple will to be close to you.

More of your cute giggling celebrated his mischief, he couldn't get enough of it. There was nothing he loved more than surprising you with one of those hugs and he awaited his best chance for one.

With no needed justification, he still delivered a goofy joke to simulate one.

" Very nice fabric, your dress feels as good as it looks."

The comment worked as an instant reminder for you to speak of the main aspect you thought he would like to hear about your night.

" Thanks! I told Chrissy Cunnhigam that it was made in the same material as the Devil's cape. Not only did she like the dress, she also thinks I'm very funny. "

His initial reaction was nothing like you thought. You were expecting to get bombarded with questions about her, but that didn't play out exactly like that.

" Was she laughing with you or of you? She doesn't seem to follow her boyfriend's crap, but I gotta ask anyways. "

The ask was about you, not her.

" Laughing with me, until Jason emerged from Crystal Lake to screw things up. " You cheerfully confirmed for him. " Before you panic, Steve helped me to deal with him as a sidekick on my horror comedy routine and we were hilarious. I'm pretty sure Carver was about to call an exorcist by the end."

Eddie was proud and jealous on equal amounts.

" Fuck, i would have loved to see that! " He lamented in a curse that was hiding some real regret. What he truly meant to say was ' that should have been me'.

That still could be him, even if he would need to struggle with his academic failure for it.

" Get ready sweetheart, next year will be ours. I will graduate with you. No matter what, I will... and you are coming with me to that shitfest of douchebags. "

His ultimate excitement while speaking made you feel so happy just thinking about it.

" Would you want to see the witch?"

" I will prepare my own character to be her perfect match and you are going to help me pick the horror species for it. I already have a few ideas in mind. It could be a dark wizard, a demon... Maybe a vampire? "

With his words as only warning, Eddie proceded to playfully bite your neck and the piece of wet cotton you got ready to clean him up fell off your hands. He was just messing with you, a vampiric mimic, but it made you shiver from how intimate it felt.

" Eddie!" You whispered as a playful callout, but that only made him answer with more bites followed by an equal amount of pecks on the affected spot.

" Would you tell me the full story? I will let you clean me up. " He innocently offered afterwards, referring to your encounter with Carver. "I can do the same for you, undoing Gareth's work because I skipped the making process seems fair to me. "

Biting and light kissing your neck was his own middle ground solution, one he took without thinking. He was joking about vampires with your exposed neck so close and you were used to his jokes, always comfortable with him even when those reached physical territory. It wouldn't be surprising in that context, or at least he thought so.

The rest of your tale advanced again focused on Chrissy. You were trying to concentrate on that to stop yourself from making things weirder. Taking an eternity to clean a simple kiss stain because you would be staring at his face could be the worst you could do.

The girl you assumed was your friend's crush, the incredibly sweet cheerleader. You began the anecdote speaking of how she complimented your dress when approaching to salute Steve, only for you to end up making a Carrie reference that she miraculously understood.

Your words were almost like a virtue pitch. It was all about how awesome she was to you, how comfortable she made you feel, how sorry you felt because she could be doing so much better than standing her shitty jock boyfriend. You were trully convinced of Chrissy's niceness and maybe it was time for you to stop being so fucking selfish. She deserved better and Eddie deserved her. if you could just hear it from him, you would cut the crap and act like a real good friend should.

Nothing but teasing for you, his best girl making a cheerleader friend. Exaggerated jokes, you only talked once, but he was all happy for you anyways and you were so confused. It wasn't what you intended, you wanted to bring him hopes regarding her. His friend made baby steps into proving his crush that the Hellfire freaks were less like the Manson family and more like the Addams, that he wasn't a scary guy.

He loved to hear the details of the elaborate story you invented to make people laugh, getting really into how you made the craziness escalate in front of Jason. That included descriptions of Steve's amazing performance joining your nonsense. Eddie's favorite part about it was when you presented him as a babysitter jock in zombie state commanded to protect your brother from bullies.

From all the other anecdotes about the night you could have told, your personal favorite was the little opening crusade against your bullies. Eyes closed, as your friend was cleaning the make up off them, you got to ramble about the reactions of Carol Perkins and Tommy Hagan to your entrance with Steve.

" They were like Chris Hargensen and Billy Nolan, waiting for us to show up just to put the buckets of pig's blood in position.... but I didn't give them their Carrie. I was like a less sexy and slightly pissed off Elvira spreading self aware irony and ruining their jokes. "

" That's wonderful, I bet they didn't see it coming." He praised you. " If I am impressed, I can't imagine how shocked they must have been. We are talking of hateful persons used to seeing you making yourself smaller."

" I wish you could have seen me handling Hargrove. " You proudly continued. " The guy is obsessed with proving the world that he is better than Steve, part of his enjoyment of the moment was supposed to be about bothering him and his loser date could have been a great point to start. He tried, but we spat in his hate parade."

Eddie let you know that you could open your eyes and the first thing you saw was his prideful smile indicating you to carry on.

" I felt a bit like Bilbo Baggings standing in front of Smaug, so I decided that was gonna be my way to go against Billy. I made him believe I was flattering him while the King whose throne he usurped was who brought me there. The real fun started once he fell for the trick."

Your listener was full of excitement and he contributed to the storytelling with some funny guesses.

" I salute your imponent, magnificent presence, King Billy of California. You who are our cruelest ruler: your beer breath is like poison, your fists are hot iron, you can rock us like a hurricane."

You almost forgot to watch over your laughing volume. Eddie made a perfect adaptation of the egomaniac self description Smaug gave to Bilbo in The Hobbit applied to Billy, then twisted it to be imagined as your fake praise speech.

" I can't believe you found a way of incluiding the 'my wings are a hurracaine' line. See? Things like this are exactly why I am sure my brother is going to love you... You are a freaking genius. My speech was less Tolkien, but that was the spirit. "

" Did Hargrove end up showing you his dragon belly?" Eddie quickly replicated, following the joke. " I bet he liked to hear you praising him with the rightful King witnessing his burglar's betrayal. That should have made his stupid ego show some weakness."

" Sure he liked it, Steve told me later that it was very hard for him not to laugh seeing Billy so full of himself. He wasn't sure of what I was doing, but he guessed that laughing was gonna ruin it. "

Pausing for an instant, you actually hesitated on continuing. You had a very funny thing to tell that could answer his question, but it wasn't a detail you knew for sure that really happened.

" You know... There was this little something that may count as the Billy Hargrove way of showing the dragon belly to me. The problem is that I didn't make that observation, Steve did and he may be an unreliable narrator. He was angry, worried, he wanted to protect me... I'm pretty sure he was freaking out inside and that made him exaggerate, see something that wasn't there."

The nervous attenuations you were making made Eddie very curious. You were very confident over the course of the tale, that sudden change was a weird sign.

" Finnaly a fucking flaw! What was it? " He asked you, the jealousy making him a bit more excited of what he should have been.

" Well, after the party we kept talking for hours and at some point as we were revisiting our victory Steve told me this really crazy thing he thinks he saw. He said it was casual, nothing to worry about, but it bothered him anyways. "

One last pause helped you come up with the words you needed.

" I was too busy looking at every front of battle while doing my thing, Steve was watching the whole thing happening because I asked him for space to let me do it. That was our deal: I didn't want a hero, he could join the fun but not try to defend me as a savior. " You added some context. " In his position of watcher he thought he saw Billy forgetting where my face was for a moment while I was flattering him. "

You laughed because the whole thing seemed unrealistically funny, but your friend wasn't following it.

" C'mon, it's hilarious! He totally got it wrong." You insisted. " We are talking of the dude who spent the last part of the semester making sexist jokes to Steve about how the only thing he could want with me should be getting pussy and that's pathetic because I am unfuckable. Why would he be checking on my boobs?"

Eddie felt so teased by destiny, so cursed by a God that enjoyed to inflict ironical tortures on him.

" Turns out the dragon's weak spot was indeed on the chest after all. " Was the only thing he could cleanly deliver.

He had no idea of how to explain you that, even while that asshole hated you, it was fucking obvious he could want to look. The visual was brand new as your dress and, while subtle, freaking hot. The ego boost you gave him probably made him unapologetic about making it be his intimidation strategy, feeling like he didn't have to watch out from doing it because he was above everyone and wouldn't be questioned.

In some way, that bully acted exactly like Smaug. He took a fool risk doing something stupid because you tempted him into it through sweet talking.

"... It doesn't seem as unrealistic to me. I hate to agree with Harrington, but that wouldn't surprise me coming from Hargrove. Vince Neil would look at any tits on his gaze range, it's the philosophy of Motley Crue."

" Yeah, when away from cameras. In public they gotta pretend they are picky to keep their brand."

He adored you even when you were frustrating him to the core. You were so innocent, it was so hard to make you see the point and he had to stop himself from throwing a comment that could be too filthy. He had a shit ton in mind, that was for sure, and he felt horrible about that.

" It's an intimidation tactic, sweetheart. It's about power, not flirting or wanting you. It gives Billy control over the situation. In that way he gets your date angry and he can possibly get you scared while he knows you both are gonna do nothing about it."

Like Smaug threatening Bilbo?"

" Sort of, yeah.. only involving a very interesting visual." He playfully concluded." Have bullies never used that tactic with you before?"

You nodded negatively and to him that was the cutest thing.

" Well, well. I have great news for you: it means you are pretty."

" I would have preferred him to drive like he is about to run me over with his car as Max told me he did when trying to scare the boys."

" You were the one who picked the Mistress of the Dark as inspiration. We know it was about comedy, not her sexy thing, but you shouldn't shy away from the possibility that you could have paid her a great tribute. Elvira would be proud of you."

That seemed to make you feel a bit better.

" That was for myself, I didn't want to make guys look. I was simply gathering the courage in my chest to face my enemies. " You completed him with a punchline. " Certainly, I didn't think one of them could look and I still don't buy it. Can a dress tighter than my usual wearing and a good fitting bra make that much difference?"

" Can confirm, those can." Eddie spat without thinking, mentally cursing himself afterwards. " Not to me, I mean, to those jerks. "

His softer side was returning. He was all love for you, temporarily overcoming his guilt over the naughty thoughts only helped him to show it.

" I think you are beautiful all the time, not just when you try harder and you certainly didn't start being cute when you began dressing like one of us as you always wanted. I wish we would have bonded earlier, maybe if Johnnatan wouldn't have been afraid of taking you with him when passing by to buy weed from me. Hell, I could even have smoked with you a few times. "

You smiled and proceeded to follow that deviation of topic to pretend you were unaffected.

" We are still on time for that. I don't intend to force all my friends to befriend each other, but I would love to see my two best friends getting along. "

From your viewpoint, that answer was about dissimulating your fear of being misinterpreting him into hearing what you wanted him to say. For him, it sounded like an indirect confirmation of the rejectment he assumed.

Trying not to look hurt, he kept listening and you managed to surprise him once more.

" I can never end to thank you for all the wonderful details you have with me, like this right now... It hits differently when it comes from you, I can't explain why. When other friends say or do nice things, like Gareth and Johnny did earlier tonight.They were really sweet, but I felt like I was missing something because I didn't have you. I don't know how you do it, but the love I give you never feels enough to return all the good yours makes me feel."

That was an ambiguous statement, but he accepted that vagueness of phrasing as a little ray of hope. He wouldn't try to pursue it, but it would keep him dreaming.

" What was all of that about? Are you thinking of compensating me after the awful night I spent worrying about your fate as the prom date of your friend, the self-claimed reformed bully? "

Your answer was clinging to him in a hug. A really tight one, you were squeezing with excitement and he felt like he could have died in your arms.

Nothing would have prepared him for what you were about to say.

" Cuddles, let's tuck into bed together. I just need to change my clothes and you have to take your shoes off. "

Eddie was wondering if that was a sweet reward or you were actively seeking to kill him. There was no way for him to survive that unaffected, in any sense.

" Sweetheart, you really don't need to worry about this debt of affection you think we have. I do and say all of that because I love you. "

The platonical implications of the sentence allowed him to release some of the pressure in his chest.

" I love you too and I'm just trying to show it. Let it be loving Eddie time for once."

The offer was made and he was hungry for your love. Whatever you would choose to give him, he was going to take it.

Heart melting feelings kept him distracted, lovely romantic excitement that was followed by some unexpected panic. You said that you wanted to change clothes, but you didn't seem to be going anywhere else to do it and he couldn't leave the room under the risk of being discovered by your family.

" Right now I'm feeling lazy to come up with excuses if someone catches me for a bathroom emergency so I have no other option." You commented, seeking to soften the impact with a joke later. " The following show includes extremely disturbing images, we recommend discretion to the viewer. I'm talking of traumatizing gross shit, graphic nightmares that may haunt you. It's up to your choice, of course, but the network makes me explain the rate. If you think you have the stomach to stand this cheap garbage made for shock value, that's on you."

It was your own version of an Elvira impersonation. You were making fun of what was about to come, introducing the inevitable awkward situation with comedy.

" Turn back if you don't want to see my bare ass."

Eddie could feel the air leaving his lungs to the warning.

" Wait, wait, wait.." He was barely able to speak, begging his brain to come up with something that could help him stop you from accidentally causing a disaster. " Ain't that gonna be super uncomfortable to you? What happened to my shy girl?"

" I learned to change in car rides when going to your shows. " You simply explained. " It's the only way Johnnatan and I found so neither my mom or Joyce would figure out where we are going."

What you were saying made total sense, but it never occurred to him. There were no words on his part, he was processing the new information.

" It's all messy because I have to do it in a rush. Sometimes the hurry doesn't collaborate, so at those moments Johnnatan has to become my collaborator. We have some hysterically hilarious stories, there is one so terrible that we even named it. ' The Fishnet Emergency', one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened to me."

The telling of that story bought him some time, although it wasn't one that could help him calm down. The start was a reminder of that time you showed up to a gig wearing a jean skirt and fishnets. You were describing a dressing problem that didn't get reflected in the final result he saw. Changing in a reduced space and hurrying more than necessary resulted in the fishnets getting stuck halfway and you crying out for the help of the only person available. Clueless Johnnatan Byers freaked out as much as you did, which resulted in a chaotic scene of you two joining forces to pull the thing up through your body.

Thinking of all the touching involved made Eddie feel jealous yet thankful that didn't happen to you with him. Johnnatan wasn't into you, he didn't care about touching your thights and ass like he would have. Knowing himself and how weak he was for you, Eddie was sure he would have got a boner just by hearing you begging for his help. He would have wanted Earth to swallow him before you could have discovered it, hating himself while feeling like a disgusting pig that didn't deserve your friendship.

To make things worse, your ending was a lovely demonstration of your trust on him.

" By now you must know the rumors, but you also know Johnnatan is still my friend. He is really not a perv, just a hormonal dumbass who wasn't at the ríght place when he made a very wrong choice he deeply regrets. Yet, if I trust him despite knowing he once took spicy pictures of his crush without her consent, what is very creepy when saying it out loud ... Why wouldn't I trust you enough to do the same shit i do in front of him? "

One thing was for sure: he would never let the sexual aspects of his crush on you get that far. For Eddie it was all mental, just him burning for you in his little personal Hell. He would never escalate into a territory of blurry or non-existent consent.

What he found out through you made him feel a bit relieved, you were a literal angel because you were so forgiving of needy freaks. It made him wonder if you would be as understanding if you could peek inside his mind and see some of his thoughts about you.

He turned back, determined to prove himself better than your dear weirdo bestie. The feelings of his heart mattered more than the sensations in his crotch, even if there was a connection between both. Your love and trust were more important and your motive was a cute one. You were about to get undressed right there, but it was because you wanted to get all comfy for cuddles in bed. You wanted to give him sweet things and he wasn't going to screw things up. He was drooling to watch, desperate at the mere idea of getting a little peek of your underwear, but he wasn't going to indulge himself on that.

Instead, he observed the walls of your bedroom like if those were the most fascinating thing in the world. Most of the band centric posters were of metal groups, but there was a mix of subgenres on the individual ones. Pictures of specific band members, not just full band photos or album cover art. In front of him there was a goldmine of information about your taste in guys. The individual posters were probably your past and current rockstar crushes, your poster men.

Eddie wanted so hard not to get hopeful, but there were many guitarists. Three names were on a destacated position, placed on a central spot one next to the other like some holy trinity. On the left extreme, Angus Young in an early era of AC/DC. On the right extreme, Kirk Hammett from Metallica.

In the center, getting the biggest image and a clearly strategic ubication...

" Eddie Van Halen. " He said out loud, what felt once more like another mock of fate. " Why did you put him there? It feels to me that you wanted to be able to stare at him while laying in your bed. "

The ask had a slight undertone of tease to which you didn't reply immediately.

" Do you have a thing for him?" He insisted. " I promise I'm not gonna get jealous if you tell me I am not the only Eddie in your life. I can stand it because he is a badass. The Eruption solo slays, I can't compete with that."

The ask got you flustered. Not only because he was right, but also due to him being the one pointing it out. Believing him almost as far from you as that rock Idol on a poster, your real life Eddie got you more ashamed with that question than what you could feel while sliding off your dress.

" I have heard enough from guys complaining about girls for that. They think we aren't there for the music because we just want to drool over band members. " Was your vague reply. " I don't want to reinforce a harmful stereotype, it would be humiliating.``

Curious way to define humiliation, he thought, then remembered how important his opinion was for you. As important as your found sense of belonging on Hellfire, that you wouldn't want to lose over fangirl behavior.

" You ain't gonna lose my respect for a question I made you. I'm curious, that's why I dropped it. "

Being fully honest with himself, part of him wanted to hear you fangirling to close his eyes and imagine you were talking about him with some other friend. To hear you attach his name into want driven sentences, into lovely crush induced stuff.

A great coincidence presented him with more material to dream you could be his.

The inviting words relaxed you into talking, but he didn’t know of your inner tensions. The ramble about one Eddie became an outlet to express your love for the other.

“ I’m crazy for him. As a guitar player he blows my mind, he is so fucking cute and when he plays that charm all goofy I want to die. He has those beautiful brown eyes and that adorable grin that makes me want to kiss him every time I see him. Eddie just has to smile and I am done. My mind could be screaming at me to stop yet I will become an useless idiot drooling over him.”

The real Eddie understood what you meant better than you imagined. He had a foolish smile because he was feeling so good listening to you talk while imagining it was all about him. It actually was, you were thinking of him, but he didn’t know that. The description of the Van Halen guitarist matched him so well that you were expressing yourself freely but he wouldn’t notice. You took that chance to tell him a few things you wanted but wouldn’t say directly, although you obviously couldn’t see his reactions.

The indulgence of illusion brought him happiness and he got bored of staying still so began to pace around your room. Always careful of not watching you, Eddie was curiously checking on your things in hopes of finding new clues.

Your own panic stopped him when he got to your wardrobe, freaking out to the cracking sound of one of the doors.

“ DON’T OPEN THAT!!”

The hysterical reaction made his curiosity peak. What were you putting there, besides clothes?

“ It’s just a wardrobe, princess. What’s the deal with it?”

Apparently, the Cinderella jokes crystallized in a new sweet pet name for his list.

“ There is stuff there that is not meant to be seen.”

He hated that the first thing that description made him think of was porn. It couldn’t be, you wouldn’t have that, although that poster pinned up in that position did make him wonder things. Maybe it wasn’t only for romantic contemplation. What if you were touching yourself to it? Was that why you needed a good angle to look at Eddie while laying in your bed? He took a deep breath, trying to suppress that thought. Avoiding a boner was an important goal and thinking of you moaning his name wouldn’t help.

“ I promise you: there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could be hiding that I would find embarrassing.”

The answer he got wasn’t of great help as well.

“ Not this time, Eds. I know you will not look at me the same way if you see that.”

The worry in your voice made him feel so soft for you, so weak. Poor shy baby, if you could know of the shit he kept hidden you wouldn’t feel ashamed of yourself like that.

“ I call that bullshit: you can’t lose my respect. No way, never, and I am gonna prove it to you.”

Eddie opened the wardrobe to a teaseful countdown of three. You were so desperate to stop him that you put on the first shirt you saw and rushed towards him, but you got there late.

There was nothing out of the ordinary inside, so he didn’t understand the fuzz at first, but he did feel you firmly grabbing his shoulder as a subtle call for his attention. Precisely then, he saw the inner side of the wardrobe's door and there it was. The secret you were trying to hide at all costs were three page size posters of Jon Bon Jovi.

Sweet, innocent angel… How could he have doubted you? It felt so wrong to think he suspected you could have erotic material, then finding Bon Jovi and his dumb smile of pop poster boy.

“.. Please, don’t tell the rest.” Your begs sounded like sweet cries for help. “ If Hellfire gets to know about it… Look, I know Bon Jovi is cheesy pop with electric guitars. I don’t need to be mocked to notice it.”

“ Was this what you were so worried about?” He asked in a tranquilizing tone. “ Fuck, you are so adorable.”

He couldn’t see you, but the sound of cute nervous giggling made him get an approximate idea of your reaction.

“ Are you afraid people will find out that you like this dumbass? It’s no big deal, I will keep your secret. “ Among the comforting speech, he had to drop the question. “Do you mind explaining why you like him? No judgment, it’s just that this guy doesn’t seem your type. What is this plastic pretty boy lead singer doing here? Your room is full of badass guitar players. “

Eddie turned back to finally face you and he was so not ready for what he found. You were blushing, still recovering from the embarrassment, while wearing only a white shirt covering your underwear. In the rush to stop him you must have thought that the printed stamp would be enough to dissimulate the red of your bra, but it didn’t. It also wasn’t big enough to completely cover your panties. That’s how he got to know that on that shopping getaway you commented with him once you didn’t get just that new bra. Some saleswoman must had convinced you of getting the full set.

Red lace panties, jesus fucking christ. He had to look somewhere else or get the hell away from there.

Meanwhile, your blissful unawareness and those nerves about an absolutely meaningless issue got you talky.

“ Jon Bon Jovi is a marketing wonder. Yeah, he is fake and Bon Jovi’s music as a band is generic… So what? I can’t care less if truly doesn’t do drugs or if he is high all day when we aren’t looking, if he is a dick in real life or not. He sells a fantasy and I am buying it. It makes sense, because you literally can’t understand that band without the femenine perspective. Think, for example, in their first hit single. Runaway is a sympathetic, slightly lovey dovey song about a prostitute. This girl could be the chick Motley Crue just banged, she could be the girl in tons of mainstream rock songs. Do you know what changes? It’s made for girls, not just about girls. Bon Jovi made a wonderful discovery: girls who love the sound of electric guitars also can fall in love. “

He listened to you without interrupting. Not only because the passion you were putting on the justification was impressive, but also because he was trying to calm down and get ready to see you again without collapsing.

“ She Don’t Know Me, another of the first video clips, is just about Jon walking down the streets and being ignored by this woman he sings to. The pretty boy lead singer is not just a description, it is a concept imported from pop that works on him while the current paradigm is still indisputably ruled by the slut lead singer. David Lee Roth, for example: blond, hairy torso, shakes his hips like a goddamn bellydancer. That’s what I’m thinking of to define that archetype. What is Bon Jovi’s version of that? Jon looking at the camera like a sad puppy while shirtless also showing off all that freaking chest hair. It shouldn’t work, but it does because it is not just about exposing skin to look hot. It’s about feelings, he is showing vulnerability.”

At that point you weren’t just defending yourself and your secret enjoyment of a questionable band. You were thinking about Steve, on how you tried to make him understand that you weren’t the kind of girl meant for all the cute shit and he dragged into it anyways. He told you that you deserved those, making you feel that you didn’t have to be like Nancy or Chrissy to want it. He saw you at your freakiest freak state, prom dress resembling a witch and throwing Elvira style of horror comedy at anyone, yet he still thought you deserved the lovely shit guys sometimes show to normal girls.

Even if you two just played for a night, you were like the girl on a Bon Jovi video clip for once and it felt wonderful. Steve encouraged you a bit into accepting you could want rosy sweetness, that you were allowed to like it despite being who you were. A weird girl into dark things can like some pink: you weren’t any less metal for that. Just as you weren’t less capable of dreaming with love for being a bit macabre.

“. I like him because cliche romance feels nice.“ You followed and closed your point, fearing you could be extending it for too long. “ Is it girly shit guys would tease me for? Yes, but I like to have that. I like heavy, I like hard rock, but sometimes I also like to hear the pretty boy next door sing cute pop songs about how he wants to be with me and I want those to have a powerful guitar too. "

" Is Eddie the point of balance where all your needs meet? " He finally spoke, following your conclusion still into his illusion. '' You said that you think he is cute, but his insanely powerful guitar is the coolest part of Van Halen. "

" I have an obsession with him that I really need to get checked. '' Was your honest comeback, a reflection of how wrong you felt for having romantic feelings for your friend.

After finding a pair of baggy pajama pants in the open wardrobe and sliding in those you sat on the bed calling for him.

" Are you gonna come to bed? I think we still have time to talk about your crushes."

Eddie looked at you and the cute scenario that was presented to him made him feel slightly safer about keeping his situation in control. Your waiting was adorable and he really didn't want to disappoint.

" I think I prefer to keep hearing more on your marketing research."

He sat next to you, refusing your offer of returning the shoe gesture and doing it by himself.

The night you were having wasn't the one he expected when freaking out alone in his trailer. He came to you for reassurance on his hopeless cause, ready to settle with a few tranquilizing words that would make him think you weren't going to start dating someone else for real. However, what he got turned out to be far more than that. You pampered every aspect of infatuation with you and you did it in complete unawareness. The answers he came searching for weren't clear, but he couldn't care less at that point.

You dated Steve that night, but you were all his after midnight and nothing or no one was taking that away from him. Even when he knew you didn't mean that, cuddling underneath your blankets was boyfriend treatment for him coming from you. Shutting his brain down for an instant, he was perfectly capable of imagining that.

" Loving Eddie time begins. " He heard you declare while wrapped around your arms, what made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world even if he was just your friend.

" Isn't that everyday for you as an Eddie fan?” He was referring to your rockstar crush of the same name. " I really need to ask: how do you distinguish us? Do you call him Eddie and when you speak of me you use other nicknames? Something like: he is Eddie and I am Eds or Ed? "

The goofy remark had its answer, but he didn't expect it to be that sweet. He imagined you would come up with something cute, only not that much.

" He is Eddie and you are my Eddie, that's how I solved it. If you aren't on that wall yet, that's only because i have to wait until magazines will catch up on printing posters of you. "

Why were you doing that to him? How was it possible to feel so in love? You were absolutely fucking ríght: he was your Eddie because he was completely under your spell. Yours for you to take and ready to wait for that miracle even if his cynicism would tell him to give up.

" Are you trying to flatter me like I was some lazy asshole dragon laying on a stolen treasure? That's too big for me, I don't belong among those three heroes. "

" You are all of them in one guy. " You sweetly rushed to reply. " You have the chaotic energy of Angus, the kickass metal sound of Kirk and you are a cute badass like Eddie."

He was blushing, you made him blush like he hasn't in years. How was he supposed to answer that, other than kissing you and confessing his feelings to never let you go?

" Girl, you are amazing at spreading love. Maybe if the freak disease wouldn't have touched you as a kid, you could have been a cheerleader. '' Eddie commented, hiding himself in a joke as usual. " That was the greatest act of cheer I ever got, thank you. In fact... Can you love me a little less? My heart can't take it, i'm going to have a stroke."

" That's just a bit of how special you make me feel when you say all those nice things about me."

The subtle confession made him feel really happy.

" Princess, are you for real? Do you feel this good when I say you are pretty, or very creative, or super funny? That you are, actually. I never lie."

You nodded affirmatively with a sweet smile full of adoration.

“ Do you really want my picture on your wall, or you just said it to make me understand you?”

“ It could be a nice bonding activity to do with Johnny. “ You mischievously commented. “ I would even save money to pay him for an actual photo session with the whole band so you all can feel like rockstars, even if it is just for a while. I would give all the pictures to the club, so you guys can put those wherever you want. I just want to keep one of you for the wall.”

You had no idea that you were actually about to become his new poster girl, a polaroid picture of you was almost his and it was going to get pinned up somewhere on his trailer. Very close to his bed, so he could watch you anytime he wanted.

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x henderson reader #joseph quinn #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fluff #sweet!eddie #perv!eddie #tagging as such only because there is a bit of inspiration on the concept #he is really sweet and he has morals he is just very very into you

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sidespart · 3 years

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The Fall of King Romulus Part 6

Summary: Twin Princes Remus and Romulus are cursed at birth with Honesty and Obedience. When Romulus, who cannot disobey any order, is told to kill his brother the next time he lays eyes on him, he changes his name to Roman and runs away. Roman joins up with a misfit group of adventures and plans to never return to his homeland. But the fae have other plans for him...

Warnings (for whole fic not necessarily individual chapters): Violence, mind whammying/memory altering, curse of obedience related consent issues, references to sex, references to war related injuries/PTSD, references to child abuse/neglect (YMMV on that one but just in case), antagonstic-but-not-exactly villian!Janus, Extremly-moraly-dubious-but-not-exacty-unsympathetic-Remus

EXTRA WARNINGS - this chapter is pretty much unrelenting whump and the violence and consent issues (past) tags strongly apply. I have put more detailed (spoiler heavy) warnings at the bottom so if you’re particularly sensitive to that stuff and want to scroll down to check before you read you can do so.

Feedback appreciated.

NOW ON AO3 :D

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

In a tavern just outside of Leovan the crowd roars another! And Roman laughs and gamely starts to play another jig. He’s been playing for hours and he drinks in the attention happily, even as the cheers of the crowd become a ringing in his ears. The night is long and his throat is raw and his stomach empty and it’s harder and harder to keep his eyes focused, but his hands are steady on the strings. He sways in place, sweat dripping into his eyes, but it doesn’t matter- the crowd adore him. They sing and dance and laugh along, and after each set they call another, another, another until the room is spinning and his throat is bleeding and the audience’s laughter had turned cruel and high and lilting and-

Roman woke with a gasp and immediately regretted it.

The underground room was still pitch black, the humidity still cloying. At some point during his fitful sleep he had slumped to the floor, Lucius’ ill-attempt at binding having come loose enough to allow him to slide his arms down the length of the pipe. He was awkwardly sprawled at the base with his wrists still pinned above his head and his legs twisted underneath him. He tugged experimentally at his binding and got a sharp spike of pain down his shoulders and spine for his trouble. Whilst he had wasted time sleeping, the silk had become sodden from the moisture of the room and shrunk tight against his wrists, making even Lucius’ knotwork impossible to pull apart.

Not that it would have made much difference if he could get it loose.

Stay here until I come back with your transport.

Grunting with pain, he managed to untangle his legs out from under him and sit up. He pushed himself up on his knees as best he could, trying to relieve some of the pressure on his wrists, but gave it up quickly as the pain lacing down his shoulders intensified.

This was bad.

He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to think, but the heat was making it almost impossible. The black of the room kept swirling back in to crowded tavern, the rush of water into the jeers of a crowd…he could feel the raw burn on his throat and his mind scrambled desperately for another song-

Except it hadn’t happened like that. He shook his head furiously, his hair flicking sweat into the room, trying to banish the tavern from his mind. He had already started traveling with the others by the time he sang in Leovan and if he’d tried to perform so late into the night Virgil would have come stomping down the stairs to tell him he was being ridiculous and to go and get some sleep.

Or Patton would have sat up listening, playing bodyguard, until he couldn’t keep his own eyes open and sweetly suggested that the crowd might want to be getting home to their own families.

Or Logan would appear, pocket watch in hand, demanding he finish within a set time frame in order to allow for optimal sleeping hours.

Roman could almost hear the lecture, relief at a chance to escape the crowd mingling with exasperation at the scholars ridged scheduling.

In the dark Roman glanced over to where he thought the door should be.

The only sound was the gentle hiss of water.

He tried pulling at the rope again.

***

“Hey! It’s you!”

The man blocking Roman’s path back to the ballroom was clearly drunk. He stumbled towards Roman, half leaning on the hallway wall for support, a big dopy smile on his face. “I saw you- I saw you back there – wow!”

“Thank you friend.” Roman smiled brightly and took a step backwards, but not quickly enough to prevent the guy from grasping onto his sash.

“You’re so pretty.” The guy breathed, his eyes unfocused but his grip firm, “I saw you lookin’ at me when you were singin’.”

Roman squirmed. He was almost certainly better trained than his admirer, and he had had a lot less ale, but he was also shorter and skinnier. With the man pressed so close in the narrow hallway it was almost impossible to find the leverage he needed to push him off.

And. This was a nice place. And by the quality of the man’s clothing he was an honoured guest not a servant. Roman had been the one to convince his new companions to accompany him to the local lord’s house for the ball, he had wanted to give them to a chance to relax whilst he performed. He didn’t want to get himself, and them, kicked out by causing a scene- not when he was half hoping they would allow him to continue to travel with them even though the job he’d been hired for was done.

“I look at everyone-” he said, smile fixed and polite ”– engaging the audience is actually very important for-“

“Shush.” The man whispered.

Roman shushed. Grinding his teeth in frustration.

His assailant brought one hand up to paw at his face in a clumsy attempt at seduction, thick rings knocking against Romans jaw. His other hand released the bard’s sash to grip his wrist instead.

“Kiss me,” the man breathed, the stink of ale on his breath making Roman gag.

Face burning with mounting frustration and embarrassment, Roman attempted to plant a quick kiss on his cheek, but the man twisted his head at the last moment to meet his lips with his own. Pressing Roman back against the wall with a slobbering assault as he attempted to pry Roman’s lips open with his tongue.

Panic flickered in Roman’s belly and then just as quickly dulled. It was generally easier to let these things run their course.

And then, suddenly, the pressure on his mouth – and wrist and chest - was gone.

Roman blinked open eyes he didn’t remember squeezing shut to see Patton with an expression so furious Roman had to fight the instinct to cower.

“What.” Patton snarled “Do you think you’re doing?”

“I di-didn’t mean to-“ Roman started.

“Well?!” Patton roared and Roman realised he wasn’t speaking to him – but rather the rich man who appeared to be rapidly sobering up in Patton’s grip. The warrior held him by the scuff of his neck, his toes just scraping the floor. When Patton shook him, the plethora of chains around his neck clinked together musically.

“Roman,” Patton asked, his voice still shaking with an anger that made Roman draw his shoulders up instinctively “do you…know this man?”

“Well…no.” Roman glanced at the chains again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as his heart rate started to return to normal “I think he might be the mayor though Pat, put him down!”

“I don’t care if he’s the King of the elves! Did you want to kiss him?”

“Well no, but – but its fine! These things happen!”

“You call yourself a Prince and this is how you carry on?”

Wait. What?

Roman blinked, feeling strangely hot in the cool hallway.

Patton wasn’t supposed to say that. Patton was supposed to ask what he meant. And Roman would backtrack and feed him some lines about people often feeling entitled to performers time off stage – which was not untrue – and Patton would look at him wide eyed and tell him that would never happen again –

“You’ve been told over and over, to keep yourself to yourself.”

- that Patton would stand guard at every performance from now on if that’s what it took.-

“If you insist on putting yourself into these situations, don’t come crying to me when the inevitable happens.”

-And Roman would be so elated at the implication that they were to keep travelling together that he would almost forget to feel embarrassed at the situation.-

Patton’s lips narrowed into a thin disapproving line, “Don’t be naive. You are far better off alone, Romulus.”

“Dad?” Roman whispered.

“He doesn’t look much like the Prince.”

“Oh, like you’ve seen him.”

“Well he’s meant to be handsome right? This guy’s not winning any contests.”

Roman opened his eyes, squinting against the light. Three men stood around him, illuminated by the glow of an oil lamp. For one wild moment elation flooded through him - his friends had found him after all!

And then their conversation registered and he scowled. Disappointment robbing him of a witty comeback to their insults.

Still. Let them travel almost non-stop for three weeks, spend a night standing out in the middle of a field whilst an old woman sang at herbs, march for five days through a forest - including a detour through he thickets brambles known to man- and then follow that up with an entire day wandering around the city, have two panic attacks and be left to sleep tied up in caller. And then see if they looked their best.

With the gag still in his mouth, Roman’s attempt to covey this sentiment were mercifully muffled.

“I don’t know.” The biggest of the three stepped forward, grabbing a handful of Roman’s hair and yanking his head back painfully, abruptly cutting off his complaints. “I can kinda see it.”

“Be careful Niki,” the one who had first spoken whispered, he was holding the lantern and keeping well back from Roman. “His nibs thinks he’s got devils with him.”

“In here?” Niki cast a glance around at the iron cage of pipework that covered the room. “If he does they’re not coming out.”

“Still.” Lantern-boy whined.

“Well let’s test it.” Niki grinned down and Roman spitefully and released his grip on his hair. In one quick movement he had produced an iron dagger, not unlike Roman’s own, and pressed the flat of it to Roman’s cheek.

Roman stared at him.

“There you see? If was possessed he’d be screaming.” Niki said smugly and pulled his knife back, twisting it slightly as he did so, leaving a shallow cut along Roman’s cheek, making him wince.

“Careful,” lantern-boy said meaningfully “he’s still the Prince’s brother.”

“Oops.” Niki smiled cheerfully down at Roman. “My bad.”

“He needs to drink.” The third man stood far enough back from the lantern that Roman couldn’t see his face, but he saw the way the other two responded to his soft voice, their posture automatically stiffening.

“Here,” lantern-boy stepped forward after a moment, holding out a water skin to Niki who rolled his eyes but reached down to rip the gag from Roman’s mouth.

Roman coughed, swallowing air greedily. His throat was painfully dry, all moisture sucked out by the silk, but he still hesitated when Niki held the skin up to his mouth.

“Listen to me.” He croaked “you-“

“Just drink it.” Niki snapped and Roman surged forward despite himself, swallowing a few precious mouthfuls before the skin was yanked away again.

“You’re from Notaleveale.” he whispered. “Right?”

“Obviously.” Lantern-boy muttered, taking the water skin back from his companion.

“Well then,” he drew himself up as much as he could, ignoring the pain the movement caused “ – as true men of The North I must implore you to assist me. The Marquis has been embroiled in some- some conspiracy of untruths, is perhaps plotting against the very crown itself and-“

“The Marquis de Orenlla couldn’t plot his way out of a paper bag.” Niki snorted contemptuously.

Roman opened and closed his mouth a few times.

“Isn’t he your Lord?” he asked eventually feeling bizarrely offended on the Marquis’ behalf. Niki and lantern-boy were both wearing chest plates embossed with the three peaked mountain range that signified allegiance to Orenlla, the royal kraken of Notaleveale floating above. They were clearly guardsmen brought with Lucius on his journey south.

The third man, who hadn’t spoken since he mentioned Roman needing to drink, wore no identifying uniform.

“It’s not an insult.” Niki shrugged, “personally I prefer an employer too daft to organise a coupe.”

Lantern-boy nodded in agreement, “It’s a, whatcha call it - a positive working environment, innt?”

“…alright.” Roman decided to change tactics. “I’ll double what he’s paying you.” This time both men laughed.

“With what?”

“Well, I. I’m still a Prince I’ll have you know - I have many rich and influential friends who would gladly-“

“Oh really. Where are they then?”

There was an unpleasant pause whilst Roman desperately tried to get his brain to think. He was supposed to be more creative than this!

“You’re no Prince of ours anyhow.” Lantern-boy stepped a bit closer to glare into Roman’s eyes. “Traitor.”

Roman flinched back at the pure look of venom on the young man’s face.

Little fae touched traitor.

“Listen to me. Whatever you’ve heard – it’s not true. My father-“

“Don’t you dare speak his name!” Niki surged froward, pulling Roman up by the neck of his tunic. Their faces were close enough that Roman could feel the spittle from the man’s mouth land on his cheek as he shouted: “After your despicable actions you would dare to-“

“Nicolas. Don’t upset yourself.”

The third man was barely visible to Roman over Niki- Nicholas’- shoulder, but as soon as he spoke the large man stilled, lowering Roman slowly back to the ground.

“Marcus. Some more light if you will.”

Lantern-boy -presumably Marcus– quickly produced a box of long matchsticks, almost tripping over himself in his haste to light more lanterns around the room. By the time he was done the room was brightly lit, the glow from each lamp bouncing off the metal pipes until it filled every corner.

The third man did not look especially Notalevealean, with skin almost as white as Virgil’s and pale white blond hair. He was dressed plainly, with pale grey robes and soft shoes, and carried only a thin walking stick. If he hadn’t spoken, he could have quite easily faded into the background - camouflaged against the dull back drop of pipes.

“Nicholas. Marcus. Go and guard the passages.”

“But we already have a dozen men out there-“

“And I’m sure they’re in need of leadership. Go now.”

The two men glanced at each other. Roman thought for a moment that they would stand their ground, but then Marcus snatched up his original lantern and headed for the door, Niki following after one last reluctant glance back.

“W-wait.” Roman called. “Is my Father alive?”

They disappeared into the gloom of the next room.

Left alone with only the quiet grey man, Roman found himself wishing they’d stayed.

The grey man smiled at him as he shuffled towards the kneeling prince. His smile was an awful thing that did not touch his eyes.

“The young Marquis de Orenlla is a rather silly boy.” He told Roman in his soft papery voice. “Much like yourself.”

Despite himself Roman let out an offended squeak, but the grey man continued unhindered. “He has very little idea how to survive alone, can barely function without his servants.”

Roman caught himself staring at the floor and snapped his gaze back to the grey man’s face. He didn’t want to miss any information he might let slip but looking at him was-

It was difficult.

When he tried to look at the details of his face they seemed to slip away. Was he young or old? What colour were his eyes?

The whole time he had been talking, had his mouth actually moved?

“What are you?” Roman whispered.

The grey man smiled again, Roman shuddered.

“But also like you, he is not wholly stupid. He has started asking some inconvenient questions.”

Within the blink of an eye, the grey man was next to him a knife in his hand. Before Roman had a chance to do more than flinch, he had cut the ties biding his hands, and was back across the room.

Dazed, Roman rubbed his wrists, trying not to wretch.

Up close, the grey man smelt of death.

“Now. Sit there, and listen to me until I finish.”

Romulus whimpered.

“Your father is dead.” The grey man told him bluntly. “You killed him.”

“No.” Romulus- Roman shook his head. Used his newly freed hands to cover his ears. “He was sick.”

“You poisoned him over many weeks.” the grey man whispered. “Disguised it as a common sickness. You tried the same on your brother but he was too strong to succumb.”

Roman lowered his hands. They were pointless anyway- the grey man’s voice seemed to be inside his head.

“That’s not how his strength works!”

“And so instead, you allied yourself with a traitor to the fae court and placed a curse of madness on the crown prince, rendering him unable to rule. You hoped to take over in his place, but luckily your father’s advisors found you out. You were forced to flea with your fae companion.”

Roman stared at him, eyes wide. “That’s insane!”

“That’s the truth.” The grey man insisted. “When The Marquis asks you for the truth, that’s what you’ll say.”

“No.” Roman shook his head. “No, no, no.”

The grey man reached forward, resting his hand gently against Roman’s cheek. Romulus stared up into his eyes.

“Julius?” he whispered.

“In a way.” The grey man’s face seemed to twist. For a single moment, it was Julius’ face that looked disdainful down at him, rendering Romulus mute with terror. And then with another twist to reality it was gone, back to the grey man’s blank visage.

“I’ve had eyes all over looking for you Romulus. I was so sure you must have died in the mountains and yet –“ His fingers tightened on Roman’s face, nails digging cruelly into his skin. “Here you are. Like a little cockroach.”

With a shove he released Roman’s face and walked swiftly to the centre of the room, where the largest pipes rose out of the floor. “Stay on your knees and come here.” he ordered. Face burning, Roman shuffled after him, knees bruising on the stone floor.

“Put your hands here.” He gestured to one of the larger pipes. Even before his hands touched the surface, Roman could feel the heat radiating from it. It was far hotter than the one he had been tied to and although he braced himself he couldn’t hold back a yelp of pain when his hands made contact.

He snatched them back quickly, his palms an alarming shade of red. And without pausing, sprang to his feet, aiming a punch directly at the grey man’s immobile face.

“Stop moving.”

Roman felt his muscles lock, momentum sending him crashing to the ground as the grey man easily sidestepped his swing.

“Don’t move until I tell you too.” The grey man added, leaving Roman frozen on the ground where he landed.

Slowey the grey man stepped around him, crouching down by his head. “Look at me, Romulus.” Roman did so, only moving his eyes to stare at the flickering mirage of the grey man’s face.

Up close, the smell was so bad Roman felt the remains of his pastry threatening to make a reappearance.

“I am going to ask you some questions. You are going to tell me the truth. Nod if you understand.”

Slowly, Roman nodded. The grey man – Julius – whatever it was, had already told him what it wanted him to consider the truth. But even so, ‘tell the truth’ was an easy enough order to get around. Truth being in the eye of the beholder and all.

“And if you don’t, I am going to tell you to hold onto that pipe again, and I am going to tell you to keep holding it until I am satisfied with your answers. Do you understand?”

Roman swallowed. He nodded again.

“Did you kill your father? Tell the truth now.”

“No.” he said quickly and then bit his tongue, cursing. Franticly he looked up at the grey man “You, you said that was a truth for The Marquis, not for everyone I can’t just –“

“Raise your left hand.” the grey man said mildly. “Bring it here.”

Romulus felt tears of frustration and fear spring to his eyes. He was stupid for thinking he had a chance at this. Julius’ tests were never designed for him to pass.

***

Roman wasn’t sure how many hours passed before the grey man seemed satisfied.

Fortunately, he had methods of persuasion beyond just the pipe. When Romans’ left palm had become completely coated in blisters the grey man had handed him walking stick and instructed him to bring it down hard on his own back instead. And then his shoulders. The side of his face. His left palm.

The grey man never touched him himself.

He didn’t have any need to.

Whenever there was a pause between punishments he ordered Roman to stillness. Time which Roman happily spent fantasising, first of smashing the stick down across the grey man’s head, then of pressing his own eyes to the hot pipe.

Even if they took him home – he could not allow himself to lay eyes on Remus. That was the one thing he could not fail on.

“Did you kill your father?” asked the grey man.

“Yes.”

The stress of raising Romulus, of hiding the curse; there was no doubt he’d contributed to his fathers early death. It was true, at least to him.

“Did you curse your brother?”

“Yes.”

When he was a little boy there had been a phase where he tried to put a curse on Remus daily, and Remus him. The kind of curses they dreamed up were for itchy feet and stinky farts, and none of them had worked, but it was still technically true.

“Why?”

“I was jealous of my brother.”

If Roman had only been born a half hour earlier he could have avoided a lifetime of being second best. He could have avoided his curse. Grown up with his Father instead of Julius. Not that he would wish any of that on Remus but. It was natural, surely, to be a little jealous of his brothers freedom.

“Good.”

Julius’ face smiled down at him. He reached out with the grey mans hands to stroke Romulus’ hair, like he sometimes did when he was a child. “You see Romulus, there is always a way to work within the confines of your curse, so long as you are willing to look for it. I taught you that.”

“Where are you?” Romulus whispered.

“I am waiting for you.” he smiled. “I have no sons Romulus, no one to pass the Stewardship to. And we must think about the future of our kingdom. When you are back, we can write a new story.”

“You…you’re ruler?”

Romulus frowned. There was a missing piece here but he couldn’t find it. The heat and pain were making his brain slosh against the inside of his skull. He found himself leaning in to the hand in his hair, even as revulsion rippled through him. “If you’re ruler then where’s –“

“Where’s the serpent?”

Roman blinked. Looking up, he found that Julius was gone again, the grey mans expressionless face staring back at him.

“What?”

“The serpent. Where is he?”

“I don’t – I don’t know what you mean.” Romulus held his injured arm close to his chest, curling over it protectively.

He heard the disappointed sigh and flinched even before the grey man brought his other hand to Romans’ bruised shoulder, squeezing hard.

“Look at me.”

Romulus did, eyes bright.

“I know he has left his prison. I know he was with you at that inn. I sent that stupid boy to get him and he found you.”

“I don’t know what you mean!” Romulus wailed, hating the childish wobble in his voice. “There wasn’t anyone else at the inn.”

“No?”

Julius eyes were peering out of the grey man again, a cruel glint to them. ”You were alone?”

“Yes.” Roman told him. Voice steady.

He’d entered the inn alone. He’d sat in the room alone. Climbed out of the window alone. Anything else was none of Julius’ business.

Before the grey man could speak again, a clatter from the next room made them both jump.

“Hmph. He’s early.” the grey man murmured. “Get back to your place.” He gestured to the pipe Roman had originally been tied to and, haltingly, Roman crawled towards it, sprawling at the base.

“If The Marquis asks, tell him nothing about your injuries.” the grey man added lazily, taking up his position in the centre of the room, fading back into the background.

Roman grunted. It wasn’t a bad plan: his most visible injuries – the burns on his hand which he couldn’t stand to look at – could be explained away as being caused by the very pipe Lucius had tied him to. As usual, nothing could ever be pinned on Julius.

They waited. But neither the Marquis or his men appeared.

The grey man stood across from him, gazing out into the darkness of the next room. Roman wasn’t even worth looking at.

He slumped further against the pipe and tried to focus on breathing. There wasn’t a single place on his body that didn’t hurt, though the worst by far was his hand. He shivered from cold, which, given the heat of the room, couldn’t be a good sign. He let his eyes slip closed. Exhaustion threatening to take him again.

And then he felt a soft pressure on his lap.

“Mrrp.”

Roman opened his eyes. Then he closed them again.

He opened one eye. It was still there.

“Mister Mittens?” he asked, slightly hysterically.

Romulus and Remus had grown up with dogs. He wasn’t sure if cats were supposed to be able to feel smugness, but this once clearly did. It butted it’s head against Roman’s chin with another self-satisfied “Mrrp.”

“What?“ The grey man was staring at the pair of them, looking as confused as his expressionless face could manage. “Where did that thing come from?”

Roman was saved from having to answer by a crossbow bolt. One that came through the open door, burying itself in the grey man’s skull.

Chapter 7

Extra warnings

Consent stuff – Roman relives a memory of being sexually assaulted (he doesn’t necessarily think of it in those terms). A drunk man kisses him and pushes him against a wall. The man tells Roman to ‘kiss me’ without knowing anything about Romans curse. They are interrupted before it goes beyond kissing. (whether anything else would have happened, or whether the man would have stopped if he had known about the curse, is not shown in the text). It is implied that this sort of situation has happened to Roman before, and that it has gone further, but this is not explicit.

Violence stuff – Roman is tortured in this chapter. This includes cutting, burning and beating with a stick. The majority of this is not described in explicit detail but it’s certainly going on. Due to the nature of his curse, most of this takes place due to another character ordering him to hurt himself. Roman briefly contemplates burning his own eyes (for ‘trying to get around my curse’ reasons rather than ‘self harm’ reasons) . Someone also gets shot in the head with a crossbow. Roman also spends most of this chapter dehydrated and suffering from heat stroke .

I’m not totally sure what this falls under but its grim stuff – a character from romans past spends a lot of this chapter tyring to gas light him/ manipulate him into believing a set of false memories. Roman retains his correct memories but gets hurt a lot in the process. Meeting said character causes Roman to dissociate (I think this is the correct term but please correct me if I’m wrong), he continuously switches between his name and his childhood name during the chapter and at some points reacts as if he was a child.

#ts roman #roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #creativitwins #sidespart writes

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masterhandss · 4 years

Text

Hamefura Idol AU!

No one on tumblr really knows it but... I love idols, like idol animes and games are my childhood and has eaten away at my very soul. I like drawing and imagining idol aus for pretty much any show I get into, and sadly hamefura isn’t gonna be an exception to that :P

(i’ve yet to draw for my dumb au so have a placeholder image from an upcoming anthology by @/relaxmakoto)

Instead of being isekai-ed to a bootleg PS4 otome game, our monkey girl gets reincarnated into “Fortune Lover: Cinderella Idol!”, an idol-production rhythm game (help me i’m bad a choosing names).

(Long post, I’m basically gonna retell the entire game in an idol setting lol. I only wanted to draw for this au, but thinking about plot and gameplay was too fun so I wanted to share it)

The Game

The original game’s story follows Maria Campbell, the main character of the game who applied for a job in Sorcier Productions after seeing a wanted ad online. By some luck, she gets hired as a temp-producer for the famous male idol group “Fortuna”. After a few hours of gameplay involving producing the male idols (Gerald, Keith, Alan and Nicol) through the game’s tutorial (introducing various aspects of the gameplay like “Choosing your Idol”, “Getting Relationship Points”, “Rhythm Game Concert Mode”, “Idol Produce Mode”, “TV Drama Mode” etc), the game reveals the plot twist of the game: Not just the male idols, but you get to also idol-produce yourself!

By the outcome of various events, Maria ends up performing in the stead of another idol during a mini concert that she escorts the boys with, and immediately stole the hearts of the audience by her beauty and hidden talents! M.C. is actually the first idol in the “Self-Produced Idol” project, one that aims to determine and bring out the full talents of an idol by exposing them to all the in outs of the idol world. Maria ends up becoming quite known very quickly, being rumored as a “Cinderella” of the idol world (In sports, the term Cinderella is used to refer to situations in which competitors achieve far greater success than would reasonably have been expected, rather than the typical meaning of Cinderella which means “damsel”). This rumor leads her to the anti-hero rivals for Maria (who ends up joining you in the game as idols you can produce), the perfect idol Mary Hunt and the “rarely appears publicly despite her talents” Sophia Ascart.

They start out as rivals for the game but ends up becoming friends with you and becoming produce-able idols like the 4 boys. You can even form a trio unit with the girls if you have enough relationship points (when your trio unit “Amour” is unlocked, you get more events, songs and outfits for you and the two girls!). But the true antagonist of the game is Katarina Claes, a boastful and prideful newbie idol who joined a few months before Maria, who earned a fan base thanks to her confidence and mature style. She doesn’t have the best voiced or is very skilled at dancing, but her confidence and ideals draws people to love her for her unique character. Katarina lacks self-awareness though, and thinks that she is the jack of all trades when it comes to being an idol, thus leading her to have an unbelievable amount of self confidence when it comes to her popularity and skills. She despises Maria Campbell because of how much the articles praise her for her charm and adorable singing, as she thinks that Maria is nothing more than a wannabe that doesn’t know the harsh reality of the idol world (the irony of that is an important aspect of the game’s story, since Katarina is overly reliant on her producer Anne, and Maria is the one who works both as an idol and as a producer).

Maria doesn’t really play much into the “self-insert” protagonist, more like an involved protagonist like Izumi from A3 that plays an important role into the story. The player does get to choose Maria’s (and everyone else’s) songs, schedules, outfits etc. by the guise that you are Maria, working as both an idol and as a producer.

The game does have a “relationship points” system, which means you can actually date one of the boys form Fortuna (secretly). Even if you don’t intentionally date anyone, the game already does play the “you, the main character, are so important and they wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t here” agenda that most games have, so the game already makes all the love interests seem interested with you regardless of whether you actively target Gerald, Keith, Alan or Nicol.

Katarina’s Bad End

(Rather than the life threatening doom flags of FL) In the game, Katarina Claes constantly sabotages Maria’s events and performances, creating the conflict in the “story mode” and the “events” of the game. Near the end of the game, the character who has the highest relationship points with Maria will reveal Katarina’s awful treatment of Maria in public, ruining Katarina’s reputation and causing her to lose public opinion and fans

Sabotaging fellow idols is actually quite common in idol stories, but the extent that Katarina goes for her bullying is terrible, which shocks the public because that side of the idol world had never been put into the forefront before. While Katarina does have an arrogant and prideful personality, learning that she, who didn’t have the cleanest reputation in the first place, has been harassing the darling of the idol world, meant that shows, programs, radios and events didn’t hire or invite Katarina anymore in fear of loss in sales or public outrage, leading to her eventual downfall.

The final event of the game, the Idol Queen Tournament, Katarina performs despite her ruined reputation, and was met with almost no response from the audience. Realizing that her life as an entertainer is ruined, she quits and vanishes from the public eye.

It is said in the epilogue that she moved into the country side, by a small farming field, shunned by her parents and the public for her embarrassing behavior, in order to repent and look back on her actions, much to her anger and disapproval.

The degree of Katarina appearances and story events differ depending on which male idol love interest Maria has the highest points in. Katarina is most active if you are closer to Gerald, as she is madly inlove with him and only became an idol to be by his side (as Gerald won as the “Idol King” of that year, and Katarina aimed to be his “queen”). Katarina is also frequently present in Keith’s events and interactions, as she makes fun of the both of you for being a disgrace as idols. She also appears on Alan and Nicole, but not as much.

“Fortuna” and “Amour”

Fortuna, the most popular male idol group during that time, and Amour the all-new girls idol unit, are the “produced” characters of the game

(i’m bad at thinking at idol group names so those are placeholders lol)

Gerald Stuart is a child actor known for being a perfectionist. Even as a child, he had a good face, pose, fashion sense, perfect memory, amazing acting talent and charisma to carry himself infront of a crowd. He became an idol in hopes of escaping the endless sea of acting offers he gets, and to just starve off a bit of his boredom and free time. He ends up becoming interest in their new producer Maria, due to her unique circumstance and how hard working and earnest she is. Idols are known for being prohibited from dating, but in the Gerald Ending Epilogue, he proudly announces Maria as the woman of his affections and deeply apologizes to all his rabid fans and supporters, and hopes to gain their support for his feelings for her. The two are crowned the “Prince and Princess” of the idol world for that decade.

Keith Claes is an adopted son of the Claes Household. He was bullied by his sister and mother, making him feel alone and isolated as a child. In his teens, he became a handsome playboy that easily caught the hearts of a female crowd, leading him to be scouted by someone in Sorcier Productions. He accepted, wanting to use the love of a huge fanbase to drown himself with praise and adoration and to fill the hole in his heart from years of trauma and loneliness.

Keith attempted to flirt with his new young producer, but gets constantly rejected due to the idea that idols can’t date (and bc Maria is just so busy), making him crave Maria’s attention even more. He ends up respecting her diligence, intelligence, beauty and honesty, making him slowly fall inlove with her. In the Keith Ending Epilogue, Keith confesses to Maria and wants to date her, but knows that he can’t just let go of the fans that he gained from his playboy persona, so instead he gives her a promise ring, telling Maria that when their whole “idol” thing is over with and pass them, he hopes to be able to date her (and even marry her) for real one day without a fanbase that might attempt to seperate them.

Alan Stuart is the twin brother of Gerald, who is often compared to his twin brother due to his lack of acting and entertainment skills. Alan does however, have a deep love for music. He might not be as good with instruments as his brother, but unlike Gerald, he truly loves composing and performing music and finds solace in the melodies that he can convey. Alan ends up becoming an idol due to his love for music, with the desire to one day use the connections he can make as an idol to become a full-time composer and song writer (as well as to generally learn how to sing bc he secretly likes that too). Alan also wanted to be an idol as a way to compete with his brother in an area that he is more knowledgeable on.

Throughout Alan’s encounters with Maria, he ends up rejecting Maria’s friendship and praises due to his inferiority with his brother. Through time, Maria’s constant praises of Alan’s music and singing ends up resonating with him, leading up to her telling him that he shouldn’t compare himself to his twin brother and there are only things that he is good at, like his music. Maybe a line like “Not even Gerald can recreate the melodies that you write and compose, Alan! These scores are very Alan-like, and there’s nothing I’d rather listen to; nothing that warms my heart more. This is something only you can do, as Alan and no one else” does him in.

In the Alan Ending Epilogue, he admits that his heart isn’t ready for a relationship yet, but declares that he wants to be with Maria forever and that from the moment Maria started to make an impact in his life, she had become the “Aria” of his music, and that he wants her to know that he will always write his music with his love for her in mind. He wants to be able to convey his love for her through song one day, and he hopes that she will continue to love him until he finds the right words to sing.

Mary Hunt is the daughter to a famous businessman and politician, who has connections to the Stuart Family. She met Alan by accident, during the dinner party in her house for his father’s birthday. Mary was hiding in her beloved garden, and had encountered Alan who had done the same, before she could retreat to her safe haven. She was in awe as she watched Alan play and sing a song in his small guitar, almost thinking that the song was for her. They ended up singing in a duet, with Alan complimenting her voice, saying that she should develop it. Mary instantly fell inlove with Alan, and had trained herself in the same musical arts that Alan loved, especially the voiced that he had complimented, in order to one day become worthy of performing by his side. She had originally assumed that Alan wanted to perform for an opera or musical, but when she found out that Alan wanted to become an idol, she auditioned to Sorcier Pro. as fast as she could.

In Alan’s ending, Mary was very heartbroken to know that she could not be the one to stay by her beloved Alan’s side, but silently thanked Maria for breaking Alan free from the inner turmoils that Mary knew was an impossible job for her. Despite her feelings, she still wanted to sing by Maria’s side and congratulates the two with all of her heart.

Nicol Ascart is the son to the esteemed Ascart Family, owner of the Ascart Inc., one of the major sponsors for Sorcier Productions. Nicol has been a child model and was popular since childhood because of his beautiful face. He doesn’t talk much, so when someone has filmed him singing to himself in the hallways in highschool, it immediately went viral, causing various scouts to offer him a role as an idol. Nicol had only accepted his request due to the circumstances of his little sister, Sophia.

Sophia Ascart is born with unique features, leading to her being bullied and made fun of in public due to her stage appearance. Sophia has always loved idols, being envious of their ability to enchant a crowd and sing songs about their feelings out loud. She had a sweet voice and an adorable face, but her hair and eyes caused people to think of her as a freak. She wanted to become one, but knew it would impossible for her. Nicol decided to use his popularity to jump-start Sophia’s possible idol career, by trying to brainwash/persuade his fans to also love Sophia (when she first joined and started as an idol). It didn’t work on everyone, but he was determined to help his sister.

When Maria befriends and even starts a unit with Sophia, Nicol eventually fell for the woman who made both his and Sophia’s wish come true. There’s also the fact that as their producer, Maria became a true friend of Nicol’s, one that didn’t look at him with obsessive desire and only wanted nothing more than to be a friend and an ally.

In the Nicol Ending Epilogue, he quits being an idol due to his desire to eventually join his father in the family business, much to the disappointment of his fans, but promises to always watch Maria from the side lines. He would always send bouquets almost everyday, with small cards giving the declarations of love that he normally wouldn’t be able to vocalize. He thanks her for supporting both him and his little sister, and promises to jump to her side once she is done being an idol.

Bakarina

As usual, Katarina ends up remembering her future as an 8 year old kid, and plans to prepare for her future “banishment” and humiliation. She learns to farm in order to provide for herself once she gets shunned and retreats to the countryside, and (unknowingly) meets all the characters in the game and gains their good favor before the events of the game begins

I’ll write the rest of the plot involving reincarnated!Katarina next time lol :P

This au is obviously heavily influenced by a lot of the Idolmaster console and mobile games, Ensemble Stars, A3, Vocaloid Project Diva games, Aikatsu etc lol. Thanks to anyone who gets to read till the end. Feedback (and name suggestions) are very appreciated! Hamefura is still a small fandom so idk if i’d write for this au, but it’s a good enough excuse to draw the girls in cute idol clothes so i’ll take it XD)

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zigtheeortega · 4 years

Audio

ride or die playlist

by @pixeljazzy and @zigtheeortega

so after pj made this post, and was encouraged by @choicesarehard to make a playlist for rodaw, i reached out to her and we decided to collab! this is a comprehensive playlist, with explanations for each song. some being the lyrics fit really well, but others are because the vibe fits the characters (in our opinion), not necessarily the song meaning.

putting the song explanations under the cut, since it’ll be long! songs picked by pj have [p] next to it and mine have [j] next to it! hope you enjoy it!

Logan

What You Know Bout Love, Pop Smoke [p]

I had to apply the pressure, ‘cause you my hidden treasure / I think I’m falling in love

Are we surprised this song is first? C’mon now. Anyway, literally when I heard it for the first time, I was like this is the love song that I could see someone just vibing to in a car with their partner, at a house party in the corner serenading their boo, etc. and then BOOM a vision of Hieron and Logan in a car appeared because I could totally see this as their vibe. Just the thought of Logan rapping this line to Hieron clears my skin.

[p.s. pj wrote a fic based on this song and it’s perfect you should read it]

The Way, Trippie Redd ft. Russ [p]

We’re lost but, babe, we found the way

Because Logan and MC are two teens are a mess lowkey and don’t know what they want from life quite yet but they know they got it together.

Think About Me, dvsn [p]

This song is just radiating Logan and MC parting ways vibes

FIND MY WAY, DaBaby [p]

I feel like as Logan is driving away from MC to god knows where, this is something he’d definitely drive to

Seasons, 6lack ft. Khalid [p]

You’re lucky the greatest thing I can do is marry you / ‘cause if I could, I’d spill my blood

I absolutely adore this slow, chill song, and feel like this is something MC and Logan would be listening to as they unwind in their loft, and with the favorite line, I think it encapsulates how much Logan truly loves and would do anything for MC

Idfc, blackbear [p]

This is giving me Logan vibes after the reveal where MC leaves the shop and he’s just reeling in his emotions and feelings and is just purely in his bag thinking about everything

Hide, Juice WRLD ft. Seezyn [p]

Really think I found my home, shorty made me feel at home

Think I met my soulmate, yeah, I know it

Dusk Till Dawn, ZAYN ft. Sia [p]

But you’ll never be alone / I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn / I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn / Baby, I’m right here

This song hurts me so so much but it’s giving me MC sleeping on Logan’s chest type of vibes while he’s up because he can’t sleep and he’ . Also reminds me of Logan because we all know that infamous line “I was just a rock in space lucky enough to burn up in your atmosphere for a moment,” and I feel like this was an unspoken if you look to the stars you’ll know I’m always with you type beat.

Fool In Love, Rihanna [p]

Mama, I found a man / who loves me and understands / papa, he’s quite a man / he adores me, he’s my biggest fan

Okay so y’all remember how MC was having a mini identity crisis and didn’t know which version of herself she was? And Logan was listening and understanding and processing everything she was ranting about but in the end was just like no matter which one you decide, I like all of you? Yeah, that. Along with him just supporting her whenever he can, even though sometimes it can be overbearing, and him just loving watching her change and grow before his eyes (even though we not gonna mention the part of him that doesn’t love that change, feeling guilty for the person she’s becoming and how it could change her life, and the initial intentions he had although how he feels now is genuine) is literally what I think about with these lines

And don’t get me wrong, I know he’s not perfect in your eyes / but somehow he’s flawless in mine

Papa, did I let you down? / Are you ashamed of how your little girl turned out?

This is the lyric that really gets me because one of the things I loved about Ride or Die was the complicated relationship MC had with her father as it was something that resonated so strongly with me. So this one right here really just encapsulates an aspect of that because when MC’s on her this is who I am now and I know you resent that because he genuinely is so hurt and in shock of how his girl changed before his eyes, beyond the reigns of control that he once had, and he can’t do anything else but process and accept that his little girl isn’t so little anymore, rolling around with the people he tried so hard to keep her away from.

Roll Dice, Roddy Rich [j]

I seen the Reap’ come / Live my life I had to roll dice / Been through strife, my heart is cold as ice

I’m a star, I’m just hidden in the low light

Pretty explanatory, considering Logan’s been through a considerable amount of situations that put him in harm’s way and he’s come out stronger (and considerably more detached) each time.

Story Of Us, Tinashe [j]

Yeah, you’re the prince of my heart / And now there ain’t no way they can keep us apart, keep us apart

This song reminds me of Logan and MC a lot because it’s an optimistic take on their relationship as a whole and the sad ending.

You Know That I Love You, Donnell Jones [j]

You know that I love you / And that ain’t gon’ change / And though you’re not here with me now / My love for you stays the same

I think Logan would listen to R&B, specifically sappy 90’s R&B, and this line reminds me of them perfectly. I mean just listen to it, it’s perfect.

My Favorite Part, Mac Miller & Ariana Grande [j]

Said, you just don’t know how beautiful you are / And baby that’s my favorite part / You walk around so clueless to it all / Like nobody gonna break your heart

Said, the universe couldn’t keep us apart / Why would it even try?

Before things come together, they have to fall apart

Logan says from the get go that he thinks it’s wild that MC is modest and that he’s surprised she hadn’t gotten a lot of attention from guys. The other song lyrics I mentioned remind me a lot of their separation.

Colt

Me And My Girlfriend, Tupac Shakur [j]

Lost in the whirlwind, ninety-six, Bonnie and Clyde / Me and my girlfriend, do one-eighty-five when we ride

All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend / Down to ride to the bloody end, just me and my girlfriend

So it’s canon that Colt likes West Coast rap – and this song absolutely embodies Colt’s musical interests and his relationship with MC. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he definitely heard this song and thought of MC.

Something Special, Pop Smoke [p]

I think you’re something special / I’ll take you on a shopping spree

We all know Colt is the king of LA and can definitely buy him and MC anything they want, also the “her father the police” verse quite literally hit the nail on the head

Martin & Gina, Polo G [p]

He was playing games / Got you dancing in the middle of the club

At first, saw this as a Logan and MC song to listen to in the car, but if you’re like me and was romancing Logan but danced in the club with Colt because Logan was being distant, the lyrics just do it for me

Hit ‘Em Up, Tupac Shakur [p]

You couldn’t tell us Colt wouldn’t love this song, we’re not accepting criticism at this time

Pulling Me Back, Chingy ft. Tyrese [j]

Every time I try to leave / Something keeps pulling me back, me back / Telling me I need you in my life / It was meant to be / You were meant for me / So that means we gotta make it work

This song reminds me a lot of Colt’s feelings towards MC, because in the lyrics they’re not mentioning they necessarily love her, they’re just gravitating towards her, realizing they need her. And that’s exactly how Colt works through his feelings.

Loveeeeeee Song, Rihanna ft. Future [j]

Boy lately, you been stingy with your time / Got me wondering, I’m wondering if I’m on your mind / Boy I just wanna be in your possession / You say I’m the one you want so come express it

Yeah, we all know Colt wasn’t straightforward with his feelings but is more prone to expressing himself physically, and I think this song feels like a confession of her own qualms with him but recognizing that she’s alright with him being physical over verbal. Honestly it’s probably not that deep but this song reminds me of Colt x MC so much.

Complicated, Rihanna [j]

Why is everything with you so complicated / Why do you make it hard to love you / Oh I hate it / ‘Cause if you really wanna be alone / I, will throw my hands up ‘Cause baby I tried

God this whole song is Colt and MC all over because he’s so wishy washy and doesn’t express himself properly.

90210, Travis Scott [j]

I think Colt and Logan would bump this and that’s my only reasoning.

Changed Up, Rae Sremmurd [j]

I think Logan and Colt both alike would bump this in their car and maybe relate to the lyrics and the general vibe of it.

Demons and Angels, A Boogie With a Hoodie ft. Juice WRLD [p]

I’m from the West Side, know not to play with us, yeah

I think I’m addicted to this lifestyle, I swear

Colt is quite literally from the West Side, and the ‘I think I’m addicted to this lifestyle’ line is what really stood out to me because Colt wanted nothing than to be a part of his father’s life and legacy, and Kaneko wanted to keep that separate from him because he knew Colt would be all in.

Run This Town, Jay-Z ft. Rihanna [p]

Does this need an explanation because you already know Colt is running the fuck outta LA thank you for tuning in

Mona

Ungodly Hour, Chloe x Halle [j]

You know that I’ve, I heard it all before / You’re hesitant, wish you could give me more

I don’t have the time / To teach you how to love all over again / Now let me ask you this / Are you giving all that you could give?

This is Mona and MC all over. She was clear about being hurt by an ex, and that it was hard for her to open up to MC in the first place, let alone fall for her. So this is like a confessional from MC to Mona.

Te Amo, Rihanna [j]

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around my waist / I told her no, she cried Te amo / I told her I’m not gonna run away, but let me go / My soul is awry and without asking why / I said Te amo

The lyrics are sad but this reminds me of Mona and MC, too. There’s a lot of push and pull with Mona, so I think this describes their back and forth so well.

Scared of Love, Juice WRLD [p]

Not scared to love, just scared of love

I initially put this in the Logan section, but I think it’s more fitting for Mona because she put up these walls to avoid putting herself at risk in the process of giving someone her all after the last girl played her, but underneath it all, she’s still capable to love even though she may think she’s undeserving of it from MC or that love in itself is a scam.

ball w/o you, 21 Savage [p] [and j bc our minds are linked]

I’d rather have loyalty than love / ‘Cause love don’t really mean jack / See love is just a feeling / You can love somebody and still stab them in they back

This is giving me Mona and her ex vibes, and just how Mona is a very everyone for themselves type of person so she has no problem balling by herself because that’s what she expects in the end.

Escape, Akon and Wizkid [p]

We can run away / so far away, escape

Oh, my baby, oh, baby / I would never let you go

Okay I know our songs for Mona have been sad lately, but this reminds me of them because Mona said MC would be hard asf to forget and I already know MC is scrambling to find a solution, a possibility, where Mona didn’t have to go to jail and they’d be able to be together, hence ‘escape’.

Escape, Kehlani [p]

Strange for me to wanna love someone / Who’s better by themselves

‘Cause I can’t let you lose yourself, looking for me / And I can’t let you make me your, your everything

I know you see this escape theme I’m on here LMFAOO but I think this is in Mona’s perspective about MC because she’s like MC is a goody two shoes, new to this life, etc. just overall someone with a better future than me and I don’t wanna mess that up for them (hence the I’m dangerous and pushing her away in the beginning and all the warnings).

Acquainted, The Weeknd [p]

Baby, you’re no good / Cause they warned me ‘bout your type girl, I’ve been ducking left and right

To say that we’re in love is dangerous / But girl I’m so glad we’re acquainted

Can’t Remember to Forget You, Shakira ft. Rihanna [p and j]

I can’t remember to forget you / I keep forgetting I should let you go

“You’re gonna be damn hard to forget.”

This is so Mona because it’s both flexible in meaning with her ex and MC.

Don’t Make It Harder On Me, Chloe x Halle [j]

If you keep acting so sweet / I might just wake up and leave / This boy that I pinky swore / We’d be together for sure / I can’t be thinking of you / When I’m alone with my boo / If you smile at me again / I may do something stupid

Gives me Logan/Colt/Mona love triangle type vibes!

Who Can I Run To, Xscape [j]

Who can I run to, to share this empty space? / Who can I run to, When I need love? / Who can I run to, to fill this empty space with laughter?

After her li’s leave this def gives me those bittersweet vibes like when they all leave L.A., including MC for college.

Aston Martin Music, Rick Ross [j]

Bobbin’ to the music / This is how we do it, all night / Breezin’ down the freeway / Just me and my baby

Would’ve came back for you / I just needed time to do what I had to do / Caught in the life / I can’t let it go / Whether that’s right I won’t ever know

This reminds me of another bittersweet moment like MC is reflecting on her favorite times with her LI, but also acknowledging that her LI can’t be 100% loyal to her because of her lifestyle

Love Without Tragedy / Mother Mary, Rihanna [j]

Brown eyes, tuxedo, fast cars / A James Dean on the low, Dean on the low

Who knew the course of this one drive / Injured us fatally

Let’s live in the moment / As long as we got each other / Die in the moment / I’m prepared to die in the moment / ‘Cause even forever ain’t forever

This entire song fits for all the LI’s (despite the lyrics saying “boy” it works for all of them perfectly. I just picked a couple lyrics to prove it!

Question Existing, Rihanna [j]

Who am I living for?/ Is this my limit?/ Can I endure some more?/ Chances I’m given, question existing

Reminds me of when MC was torn between loyalty to her father and Jason Shaw and MPC at the same time.

Bed of Lies, Nicki Minaj ft. Skylar Grey [p]

This is 100% MC after the reveal.

Change Your Life, Kehlani ft. Jhene Aiko [p and j]

I heard that you a gangsta / Not one to try to save her / Always focus on your paper / Don't got time to wager with your heart

You deserve someone that'll take you to another level

The lyrics to this song fit so well with all of the LI’s. Definitely addresses all of the LI’s reluctance to be with MC and MC’s pursuit of them.

Serial Lover, Kehlani [p and j]

Lord knows / My intentions are pure and my heart full of gold, oh

This song fits MC’s relationship with all of the LI’s, especially when there’s conflict between them. MC is miles more transparent with her feelings than Logan, Colt, and Mona.

She’s So Gone, Naomi Scott [p]

So it looks like the joke’s on you / ‘cause the girl that you thought you knew / She’s so gone

You can look but you won’t see the girl I used to be, ‘cause she / she’s so gone, away / like history

Yes this is from Lemonade Mouth and yes I feel like this embodies MC perfectly!

Misc.

(this includes Ximena, Toby, side characters, the overall vibe of ROD, etc.)

Tints, Anderson .Paak ft. Kendrick Lamar [j]

Ridin’, ridin’, round that open street / I need tints / I need my windows tinted / I can’t be flying down that 110 with a bad bitch in my whip / I need tints

This reminds me a lot of Ximena and Toby because they’re so chill and carefree compared to the rest of the crew, and this song embodies that.

Nascar, Roddy Ricch [p]

Honestly, heard this song and thought I’d be perfect for another side show, or a racing song

We Don’t Luv Em, HoodRich Pablo Juan [p]

Another side show/racing song

DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love, Usher [p]

I feel like this could’ve played at the club depending on the vibe they were going for, and even if they weren’t, I feel like the club was a very romantically charged event so the DJ had errbody falling in love (MC and whoever, Toby and the guy he went off to dance with, etc.)

break da law, 21 Savage [p]

Me and my dawgs break laws

This is Kaneko and the crew, even though Kaneko would never call them his dawgs, but you get the gist.

Trust Nobody, Lil Wayne ft. Adam Levine [p]

I don’t trust nobody, not my lovers, not my friends / I don’t make no promises ‘cause I know just how they’ll end / I don’t trust nobody, I don’t need nobody else / And as messed up as it sounds, I don’t even trust myself, yeah

This hurts me because the song talks about not being able to trust people in general so I feel like this has been Logan all his life, Mona after she was betrayed, and Colt after the death of his father (minus the don’t trust my lover part because obviously they are whipped for MC and you can’t change my mind).

Undercover, Kehlani [p]

You know they don’t wanna see us together / But it don’t matter, no, ‘cause I got you

Baby, they don’t wanna see me be happy / ‘Cause they ain’t happy, no -- they don’t got you

So this is MC with all the LI’s because everybody (Riya, Darius, her dad, etc.) thinks everyone in the crew is bad news but no matter who MC is with, they’re happy with them regardless of what everyone thinks.

Party Monster, The Weeknd [p]

Okay, this might seem really weird, but I feel like this is a song that would play in the background as the crew would plan or orchestrate a heist you know like the camera panning to different people just really focused on that they’re doing like there’s some camera work going on in my head that I wish I could properly articulate but I hope you guys see the vision.

Shut Up and Drive, Rihanna [p and j]

This is self explanatory.

#playchoices #rod logan #rod mona #colt kaneko #choices playlist #rodaw #playlist

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kagetsukai · 3 years

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OTP ship questions

So... this ship questions list has been making the rounds, and since I’m neck-deep in trying to finish up the story for Sam and Benji, I’ve decided to fill out ALL OF THEM. In one go. I’m extra, sue me.

(under a cut cuz I actually like you people) :P

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

Sam moved to Wayhaven and into Benji’s apartment complex. They didn’t start talking until Sam was getting mugged while on her run, Benji jumped in to help her, and then she punched him on accident. Benji does like to call it “love at first punch”

2. What was their first impression of each other?

Total heart eyes on both sides. They are both total cuties and they were eyeing each other before they actually started talking. Benji thought Sam was a little withdrawn and grumpy, while Sam thought Benji was really weird for grinning like a maniac all the time.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

I mean, Tina was the driving force from the very beginning and super invested in those two idiots getting together. Once it was apparent how cute Sam and Benji were together, the entire damn town wanted them to get/stay together. Sam’s cousin Liz was like “please enjoy yourself with the man”. Hell, even Benji’s ex was happy for them!

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Benji. The man wears his heart on his sleeve AND is incapable of holding back. He also has more experience with knowing what such emotions feel like so he can recognize them quicker. He’ll also claim that he fell in love with Sam the moment she punched him, so there’s that.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Both of them, actually! There’s a time limit on how long Sam will be staying in Wayhaven so both of them knew falling in love was a very bad idea. But they are so well-suited for each other that it was inevitable.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

I think there would be an overwhelming “hell yeah!” on both accounts, because of how strongly they feel for each other. Sam would feel a sense of relief, because she grew up hearing stories of how her sperm donor (aka bio dad) just impregnated her mother and left her behind, so knowing Benji would actually stay and love her would be a happy news. Benji would be ecstatic to know Sam is his soulmate and would probably tell everybody who stopped long enough to be told. Deep down, he’d still doubt himself and the knowledge, because he has a long history of abandonment. Even with regular reminders, he’d still be afraid that Sam would decide one day that there had been a mistake and leave.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Sam would become a bonafide workaholic with a limited number of friends - to Liz’s constant frustration. If she managed to find someone that she liked well enough, she’d probably settle down with them eventually, but maybe not feel a great passion for them. Just a decent, average life in California.

Benji would have gotten together with Felix and have a happy, fulfilled life with him. He’d probably get turned into a vampire at some point, too.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Benji initiated it. Sam rejected the idea of dating at first, but after some cajoling, she agreed to keep going out with him.

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

The first date was very casual and not really an official date - they went for dinner at a crab shack. Their second date was a little more dressy, with a dinner and a movie, and they both put in more effort into everything.

3. What was their first kiss like?

Amazing. Sam got a little tipsy and decided to leave a lipstick print on Benji’s neck as a way of “flirting”. Since the man is a slut for neck kisses, he took that as an invitation to have proper kisses and smooched her senseless right there and then. Sam did NOT complain.

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Sam had never had sex with a man before Benji (only had experiences with women), so it was a big deal when it happened. Benji made sure to take it slow and gave her a fantastic first-time experience.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Sam is 5’10 and Benji is 6’3, so there’s about 5 inches of difference between them. There’s about 2.5 years of difference between them in age.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sam ends up having a decent relationship with Rebecca, after some time. It’s a little difficult to interact with someone who is barely around, but Sam tries to be nice all the same (since it’s important to Benji). She definitely has a much closer relationship with Benji’s found family, Tina and all the older ladies who appointed themselves Benji’s guardians. They all love Sam dearly and the feeling is mutual.

Benji has a fantastic relationship with Liz and her husband/kids. The kids in particular looooove hanging off Benji and using him like a jungle gym. Benji and Liz have this pact of sorts where they would murder a bitch in order to protect Sam from harm - and be each other’s alibi, too. They did start off on a slightly wrong foot, but it got cleared up quickly. That being said, Benji is not fond of Sam’s extended family - they can be challenging.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Benji, always. He’s the resident extrovert and will behave like a shield for when Sam feels overwhelmed with crowds or situations.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Benji. He rarely acts on the emotion, though. At the beginning of the relationship, he’d just get quiet and in his own head a lot; later on he’d casually bring it to Sam to make sure he has nothing to worry about.

Sam still gets jealous, though it’s not as common. After all, her man is fucking sexy and *of course* women would want to poach him. Gotta stay vigilant.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

They are BOTH culprits of that one. Very often those are VERY explicit things, but mostly it’s just passing comments or even just sexy glances. Those two are *into* each other.

LOVE

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Sam, strangely enough. Having your life flash before your eyes sure makes you more willing to take chances with love ;)

2. What are their primary love languages?

Sam

Give: Acts of service, touch Receive: Quality time, touch

Benji: Give: Quality time, touch Receive: Touch, quality time

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Benji, hands down. He’s a cheeseball.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

As often as they can get away with it. They are both touch starved idiots with a variety of abandonment issues, so being glued to each other is a natural state for them.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Benji, more often than not. He craves that physical reassurance from Sam ALL the time.

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?

Benji will want to be the little spoon as often as he can get away with it. He loves being held and having his hair played with, so settling half of his body into Sam’s lap is literally his favorite thing. That being said, when they sleep, he’s usually the big spoon.

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

Hiking and being active. When Benji was recovering from his stint at the hospital after Murphy, Sam would go with him on hikes to make sure he wasn’t pushing himself too much physically. Then they never stopped. Benji loves going places to photograph Sam for the millionth time. They will also go to the gym together, if their schedules align. They also love doing the couch potato things together: watching movies/Netflix or him playing video games while her feet are draped all over him as she reads her current murder mystery.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Sam might be just a little better at it than Benji, but only because he has shitty impulse control and often will blurt out things he shouldn’t. Sam will generally sit and listen to Benji, cuddle him, pet his hair, etc. Benji will do similar things, but his need to crack jokes about inappropriate things gets him in trouble relatively often.

9. Who’s more protective?

Benji. He would NOT hesitate to murder a person in cold blood to keep Sam safe. It’s not exactly a healthy thing, but we all know the man needs therapy.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Benji is a cuddle monster and would be wrapped around Sam 24/7 if allowed. That being said, since Sam is a little reserved about verbalizing her feelings for him, anytime she says “I love you” first, he feels absolutely ecstatic.

Sam’s family wasn’t a very outwardly affectionate people, so she’s not used to either type of displays? That being said, since Benji is always a walking furnace, she absolutely loves when he gives her cuddles. It’s her favorite thing.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

*opens up their playlist*

Camila Cabello - Easy Amber Run - I Found Dermot Kennedy - Power Over Me X Ambassador - Unsteady Hozier - Work Song

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Benji calls Sam “baby” all the time. She usually just calls him Benji, but also occasionally “mi carino” or “my love”. Pretty sure he dies every time she calls him “my love”.

13. Who remembers the little things?

I feel like they’re both pretty good about remembering the little things. Sam is better about remembering significant dates, but that’s because she has a digital calendar and isn’t afraid to use it :P

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Benji is the one who proposes. It happens on a random night while getting ready for bed, while they’re both in the bathroom in their bedclothes. It’s adorable and very them.

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding would most likely happen in Wayhaven. I can’t imagine either Benji or Sam wanting a huge ceremony, but since they’ve become the town’s favorite lovebirds, it kind of goes out of control. Once some of their supernatural friends get involved, it really goes a little crazy. It ends up happening at a city park so it can fit all of the attendees. Some of Sam’s family flies in from out of town. Tina is Benji’s best “man” and Liz is Sam’s matron of honor. Benji absolutely loses his shit when he sees Sam in the wedding dress walking down the aisle and totally disrupts the ceremony to try to kiss her out of turn. Other than a ridiculous number of people there (seriously, probably at least half of the town shows up), it’s a pretty chill party, with lots of remembrance of Sam’s mom and Benji’s dad. Let’s just say it was a good day :)

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

There are a few AUs for these dorks, but in most of those they have two kids: a girl and a boy. Ella is precocious, outgoing, clever, and energetic. Liam is a giant cuddle bug with a gorgeous smile and a big heart, who prefers to tinker with things in a workshop than get involved with his older sister’s shenanigans.

4. Do they have any pets?

They eventually end up with two dogs that they take on their hikes. They only have one dog for the longest time because apartment living isn’t exactly conducive to pet ownership. Once they get a house, they expand their menagerie. There might be a stray cat they sorta adopt, too.

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

Sam, hands down. Benji is a giant pushover for his wife and children, and would let his kids climb all over him, as long as they were happy.

6. Who worries the most?

That really depends on what about. Benji is perpetually worried about keeping his family safe and provided for. Sam has anxiety about a variety of small things and it’s not hard for her to worry about random stuff.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Depends on the bugs. Benji loathes spiders so Sam’s in charge of removing those. Sam absolutely cannot deal with centipedes and roaches, so Benji gets to kill those.

8. How do they celebrate holidays?

When it’s just the two of them, they either go visit one of their friends in town and spend it with them. Once kids arrive, they do holidays at home and tend to go big in the food department. Rebecca is always invited, but it depends on whether she can make it that time or not. They like it when holidays are warm and filled with happiness/laughter.

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Benji. If he’s not working that morning, he would not want to leave the bed and would do everything in his power to keep Sam in there.

10. Who’s the better cook?

Sam. Benji isn’t terrible at it, but Sam is so much better that he rarely bothers with it. Also, Sam tends to treat cooking as stress relief (chopping veggies is great anger management), so he lets her do the thing in peace. That being said, if she’s too tired to cook, or it’s been a long day, or the kids are demanding her attention, Benji feels comfortable enough in the kitchen to take over and make dinner.

11. Who likes to dance?

Sam, hands down. Her mom loved to dance so she grew up around it. Unfortunately, Benji has two left feet so she doesn’t have many opportunities to flex those muscles (outside of occasional slow-dancing in the kitchen). She will occasionally drag Tina out for a night of dancing and go to a salsa club. It can really hit the spot.

#oc: Samantha Lopez #foc: Benjamin Fox #Samji #the ship that occupies my brain #living rent free in my head

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averycanadianfilm · 3 years

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READING GUIDE TO : Bourdieu, P. and Passeron, J.C. (1979) The Inheritors: French students and their relation to culture, Chicago: University of Chicago Press. - Dave Harris

Chapter one

Class chance data is presented for France, covering access to university and also choice of subjects. Generally, Arts and Sciences are preferred for lower class applicants, while the other professions attract upper class students. Gender is magnified by class in terms of access, especially for lower class students, and a strong influence on subject choice throughout. However, some Arts students are also relegated from the upper class: for them, arts subjects are a refuge.

There are therefore economic and cultural obstacles to success at the university. These include religion and age [in France, the older students are often those who have had to repeat grades].

Social origins produce different rates of financial provision, affect where people live, and affect the sort of work they do. For example, they influence the amount of parental subsidy.

As a result, students do not really have a common situation or experience. They come from very different cultural backgrounds, and quite different experiences from being at home or feeling out of place (13). They experience differential success according to their 'previously acquired intellectual tools, cultural habits' (14). Particularly important is their ability to manipulate 'the abstract language of ideas', which is much easier if you have done Greek or Latin. Cultural heritage is also amplified by various scholastic streams and channels, which produce 'sanctions which consecrate social inequalities' (14). For some, their educational past is a definite handicap, including the absence of classical languages or adequate advice on careers.

These inequalities are concealed by their belief that some students possess 'gifts', producing a disdain for practical techniques of study noted below. University life tends to be eclectic and dilettante, mostly because bourgeois students are 'more assured of their vocations or their abilities' (15). Those from other origins are far more dependent on the university. For the bourgeois, a liking for 'intellectual exoticism and formalistic purity' helps 'liquidate a bourgeois experience while expressing it' (15). Detachment and a willingness to take risks 'presupposes a greater security’ (15). Self assurance pays off in exams, especially in orals [presentations?]. This stance is helped by universities themselves who value 'remaining aloof from "academic" values and disciplines' (17).

Bourgeois students inherit 'habits, skills and attitudes… knowledge and know how, tastes and a "good taste"'(17), which do pay off even if indirectly. A suitable extracurricular culture is the 'implicit condition for academic success in certain disciplines'(17), for example coming from a family with experiences in the theatre, art galleries, concerts, knowledge of modern works even jazz or the cinema. These experiences display a combination of cultural and economic factors here [and strongly prefigures the work in Distinction, even with some initial survey data]. The absence of explicit instruction in universities makes this cultural influence more important. Influences are often subtle, for example in the displaying of knowledge of the past in the effortless reproduction of academic argument. Interests are often combined, enabling those from suitable backgrounds to distinguish themselves from those possessing purely scholastic knowledge. There is a whole constellation of knowledge to draw upon. There also important personal qualities such as 'ironic casualness, mannered elegance, or… assurance which lends ease or the affectation of ease' (20). [So common among the English upper classes as well].

This sort of cultural background works indirectly, casually and informally, it seems effortless, acquired by osmosis [some nice examples on page 20—like the casual disclosure of cultural interests, 'acquired without intention or effort']. Those from lower and middle class backgrounds try to catch up at university, for examples by going to film clubs. Schools could compensate, but they also tend to ignore social inequalities and devalue 'the vulgar mark of effort' (21). Thus universities offer only a misleading formal equality, and ignore marked social differences, whole areas which are clearly related to success. Teaching presupposes a level of knowledge, skills and culture which are the 'heritage of the cultivated classes' (21).

Secondary school uses a number of secondary significations which take for granted 'the whole treasury of first degree experiences’—books, entertainment, holidays as 'cultural pilgrimages', and 'allusive conversations' (22). The universal nature of education simply means all must enter. Working-class children can only imitate, and the whole experience for them is unreal.

Access needs to be not just a matter of economic background. 'Ability' should not be seen as a matter of a gift but the result of 'affinities between class cultural habits and the demands of the education system' (22). Knowledge and techniques are inseparable from social values. Some working-class students are willing to undertake university experience because they see academic knowledge as high status, and it 'symbolises entry into the elite' (22). However, social mobility via education is 'a fantasy, and abstraction for [most] manual workers' (23). Their ambitions are lower: they make an objective adjustment. The petty bourgeoisie are the most keen on education, and they openly support elite culture even though they find it just as difficult to acquire: they think they can make up the deficit with hard work.

Teacher judgments are ultimately based on the closeness to elite culture. Teachers classically devalue other approaches such as seriousness and hard work. Social advantages and disadvantages are cumulative as a result. Even geographical location is important because living in a city means greater access to cultural facilities.

There is no mechanical determinism here, though, since inheritance is not always successful. Upper class culture can merely lead to the 'superficial pastime of elegant parlor games' (25), but usually it is exploited to find a comfortable way through an education system. It is true that working-class entrants to university can gain in ambition and determination. However, those who succeed nearly always have some kind of unusual family background like a successful relative, who will raise their ambitions and reject fatalism. [In conventional research as well as in policy and common sense] isolated factors are seen as important [instead of seeing qualifying factors as well].

It is more common to persuade the underprivileged to drop out rather than to exert a direct influence on them, or to reveal open determinism. It would be wrong to attribute all the blame to economic or political factors, but social mechanisms work well despite minor adjustments such as scholarships. Indeed, these minor reforms can help to justify the system by locating 'giftedness’ as the issue. The same goes for moves to equalise the economic circumstances of students [grants?]—they would only legitimise a system which itself legitimises privilege.

Chapter two

There is no unified student world or culture, but a constant flux with only periodic routine. There are cycles of study leading to exams, but it is a unique time of life where normal oppositions do not apply, including the opposition between work and leisure [lots of quotes on page 30 from students saying that they regard their work as a form of leisure:

'It's the only time in life when you can put off what you've got to do, work when it suits you, be unemployed if you feel like it… (Senior executive' son, Paris, aged 26)… There's no such thing as leisure: I refuse to draw a line between work and leisure, I don't accept that dichotomy… (Junior executive son, Paris)… My work isn't unpleasant; it's not something I'm forced to do. I could almost say all my work is in leisure… (A junior executive son, Paris)… I don't separate work and leisure. If there's a decent movie on I go and see it, whether it's a weekday or a Sunday. The question really doesn't arise. There is no particular pattern to my leisure activities; I choose what I'm going to do but I don't organise it… There's nothing fixed (senior executives daughter, Paris)' (30).

However…

'Yes I waste a terrible amount of time; I don't know how to organize my work properly, and, since workhouse to come by for leisure… I have no time left for leisure (senior executives some, Paris). The fact is I don't seem able to discipline myself, it's always the same story (senior executive's son, Paris)'. NB Bourdieu and Passeron see this as an aristocratic form of lifestyle.

There is a characteristic student lifestyle with a lack of discipline and a ‘libertarian use of “free time”’ (31). Students are individualised, despite occasional ‘islands of integration’ (32). Integration has no institutional basis. It is therefore not easy to organise collective work, or cooperation, or small workgroups. Individualistic competition persists instead. The old traditions like student festivals and songs are in decline, and there are not even initiation rituals, except possibly in Law and Medicine. There are no real social divisions or any bases for solidarity—for example the rivalry between different disciplines or other signs of the persistence of sub cultures, including argot. Students are not even well connected through friendship groups, except where these depend on earlier shared schooling or regional identity. Upper class students are the most integrated socially. Friends’ advice is not sought in the choice of a subject or career, rumours spread but not information.

The student milieu is therefore not autonomised, but consists of a ‘fluid aggregate [rather] than an occupational group’ (36).There is a nostalgia for integration, but actual organisation fails. Girls are the keenest to initiate collective activity, following the ‘characteristics of the woman’s traditional role’ (36). Staff participation helps. The most common result of this lack of organisation is resignation or utopianism, especially in Paris students’ activism, which includes ‘conceptual terrorism of verbal demands’ (37). A belief in cooperative work, small groups and so on persists, but as the projection of an ideal.

Yet such projections reveal an underlying objective reality [by contrast]. Students want to identify individually with this mythical unity. Characteristic student behaviours are ‘symbolic’ indicators of this project. 'Student' is therefore a chosen identity, the rejection of past identities, including those associated with the occupation of one’s parents, part of a general denial of class determinism [but not gender?]. It is important to not conform, to distinguish oneself while labelling others. This is another example of the transformation of necessity into freedom (39) [so it is not just the working classes who have to do this?] Student identity means the rejection of any actual bonding. For example cafes are frequented because there, one encounters the ‘archetypal student’ [rather as students went to the library in Lille to conform to the archetypal student, in Academic Discourse].

Students live out their relations to their class of origin according to ‘the models of the intellectual class reinterpreted’ (40). They display a reaction to the discipline of the secondary school. By comparison, student identity is a sign of ‘cultural free will’ (40). Guidance from older students is important here, and prestigious examples can include university teachers. Everyone knows a high prestige professor who is far from being a mere pedagogue. This only disguises power relations.

The university is still a very important influence, though. Students still do well if they are ‘adapted to the university and can transpose its scholastic techniques and interests’ (41). So called alternative cultural worlds, based around jazz or cinema actually complement the university world [is this still the same with contemporary universities and contemporary commercial popular culture?]. [There is a hint of the cultural omnivore thesis here, 41]. Students’ public denial of the importance of university culture and teaching disguises the real influence at work through the ‘cultural goods market’ (42).

An important role in actually orienting the tastes of students is played by ‘Professorial charisma… The display of virtuosity, the play of laudatory allusions or depreciatory silences’ (42). Students are passive and willing to be taught, or to let teachers guide them. So close is the connection that ‘the study of consumption can be collapsed into a study of production’ (42). University culture includes ‘the scholastic consecration of novelties’ (43). As a result, university culture is more homogenous than it looks [in support, student prize winners are given as examples, revealing their conformist tastes, even if those cover the avant garde]. The ideal student is still a homo academicus, often the son and grandson of teachers, often wanting to be a philosophy lecturer, often showing some precocious talents. The university therefore ‘always preaches to the converted’ (43).

However, some students are only playing at having intellectual tastes, displaying ‘collective bad faith’, or deploying the ‘ruse of reason’ (44). An illusory intellectual life is possible. It usually involves ignoring social origins and destinations, and ‘autonomising the present of studenthood’ (44). It involves games and tricks, and is assisted by the ‘unreality of university practice’ (44), where there are no real sanctions, and even examinations are playful rather than work-like. Students do feel insecure, and lecturers do judge their work, but there is a constant ambivalence—for example students and lecturers commonly joke about examinations and yet still see them as a matter of ‘personal salvation’ (45) especially the dissertation. It is a very involving game. Even the student challenges are within the rules of the intellectual game of contestation: thus ‘Revolts against the system… achieve… the ultimate ends pursued by the university’ (45) [reads pretty much like Willis on working class lads rebelling but then ending up in manual work]. Even student rebels worship culture if not the university. Bohemian behaviour still equates to obedience to traditional models. Any escape into popular culture is still characterised as a form of literary discussion.

This is especially marked in the Paris Arts Faculty. Students are mostly bourgeois, but commonly deny their background and espouse left wing causes, but without adopting any particular orthodoxy or party membership. Instead, they adopt new labels. They have a mostly aesthetic commitment to an avant garde, which leads to a ‘conformism of anti conformism’ (46). Rebellion is little more than the ‘symbolic breaks of adolescence’ seen as an ‘intellectual self realisation’ (46). Any sexual liberation pursued by women can be seen simply as a formal reversal of the value of virginity. Extreme political views are best read as a symbolic break with the family. Symbolic differences are more important than the real differences provided by social origin. Student radical life features endless argument to establish differentiations within the general consensus of the avant garde. Concrete commitments tend to be applauded. Political debate is seen as a kind of play, and is work. Politics becomes a pastime. In reality, it is wealth and privilege that enables intellectual detachment, intellectual mastery, and political audacity. Privileged students are also better able to accumulate a ‘capital of information’, based on their membership of literary and philosophical political coteries, and the ability to attend lots of outside lectures and assemblies [in Paris] (49). Any diversity in the academic world produces the relativisation of professorial privilege [not enough to lead to serious criticism?] , and the opportunity for more intellectual adventure.

University life becomes an excellent preparation for the later literary games played among the Parisian bourgeoisie, and wider philosophical discussion, for example of the crisis in education, shows the ‘beginners’ illusion [masquerading as a] basis for a universal reflection’ (15). There is still a lot of studentanxiety however, and here, ideological debates offer assurance. A liking for student [revolutionary?] festivity is really a form of symbolic integration.

The ideal type Parisian Arts student draws from a literary education and from the cultural opportunities offered by Paris, and the ‘risk free freedom that a well to do social origin makes possible’ (51). Bourgeois students see university life as intellectual adventure, not as ‘an apprenticeship subject to the test of occupational success’ (51).

There are more working-class students now, but bourgeois values persist: those values ‘will not cease to be regarded as inseparable from the [student] milieu’ (51). Nevertheless, modern students can perceive university teaching as somehow unreal, possibly because they have experience of real occupations. Thus actual students will vary according to their commitment to the ideal type, and this will vary according to their social origins. ‘Serious’ students can be both critics of this unreality, and still prepared to consider only university problems as serious.

[What a condemnation of student activists! I do recognise the posturing bourgeois type from my own experiences during the student revolt at LSE, and, later at Essex, and I know exactly what they mean by the insistence on preserving literary forms of argument while discussing radical overhauls. During one sit in at LSE, friends made it their business to guard the library! Proles werestill mocked for their vulgarity. Several dreadful poseurs made fiery speeches proposing solidarity with the north Vietnamese army, and then fled at the prospect of being arrested by the metropolitan police! However, I think they do underestimate the impact on some working class lads such as myself, who did gain an insight into professorial incompetence that led to a lifetime’s scepticism. Nevertheless, I think they are broadly right. Interestingly, the ideal type bourgeois radical manifests itself best in education departments of respectable UK universities, where students are still harangued with idealist and utopian visions, and words like ‘oppression’ or ‘struggle’ are used both to describe third world radical movements and the need to cope with an inconvenient timetable].

Chapter three

[This chapter starts with an astonishing criticism of child centred and play-centred education—by Hegel! Such an education preserves immaturity, it is indifferent to the intellectual world, and it shows contempt for elders! (54)]

It is possible to construct an ideal type of rational conduct for student, based on the claims that characterise university life. However, the real issue is self-creation, and to be a participant in academic culture. The rational type will argue that university culture is to be mastered, yet this is denied in practice, and instead there is a goal of independence, the abolition of the distinction between the student and the teacher. However, this distinction is abolished only in the imagination, without going through the painful process of subjection first [very familiar terminology here!]. Indeed, there is often a straightforward denial of student passivity. This imaginary resolution is satisfactory to students and professors, although denied by both conservatives and revolutionary utopians. Rational conduct, however would involve seeing passivity as a means to an occupational end. The denials involve a view that the present should dominate the future, and that the status of student should become more autonomous.

Students occupy pre- constructed roles, like the 'exam hound' or the dilettante. Life goes on in a magical mode [compare with the notion of magical resolution in gramscian work]. Options can coexist in that world. The magical world is supported by professors, 'the students'opponents and accomplices' (57). Professors do not want to appear as having a rational role, as a mere 'teaching auxiliary' (58). The whole experience is therefore mystified or enchanted, and this mystical relation rather than the technical function of education affects the teaching experience. Professors claim they have some gift in transmitting culture, and this notion of gift is reciprocated by students [very similar arguments are made in Academic Discourse].

Students do vary, however. The awareness of an occupational destinations seems particularly vague for Arts students, and uncertain for sociologists: these views actually mimic the real possibilities! There is no occupational point to study for the students, so it is justified instead as an intellectual adventure. Their values ‘depend on mystified experience' (59). [There is a hint here that the enchantment of rationalised study is deliberate].

Women students have more reason to mystify, although for them reality dawns earlier. They often describe the substantial freedoms involved in using academic work to escape [rather like the stuff I have been quoting from Quinn!]. However, intellectual escape is still associated with the traditional female values, including their desired destinations as teachers, and their lower confidence in their intellectual capacities. They're still more likely to be instrumental, and to use their 'scholastic zeal and docility as a way of avoiding the question of the future' (61). Another option is female student apathy. [Or] female students report high levels of commitment to university life, again echoing traditional female values such as exalting sacrifice, and using words like relationship or enrichment, or talking about the development of personality [lots of examples PP. 61,62]. This can be an alternative to the magical concealment preferred by men. Female options echo the sexism of the university.

Social origin has effects as well. There are parallels between working class origins and being female. Neither are likely to get an intellectual occupation and so they are less likely to invest in the intellectual game approach. They need to bow to necessity and acknowledge the importance of an occupation. Upper class students are happier with vague projects, but working-class students are more focused, because they are more aware that they need not have been students at university at all. Upper class students are more distant, more prone to mystification, more contemptuous of pedagogy and methods, and of scholarly discipline. They, and many professors, would find any kind of practical instruction about coping with university life—like using a card index for drawing up a bibliography—as demeaning, the act of a 'vulgar schoolmaster' (63). The same goes for any kind of intellectual training—instead, upper class students and professors prefer the romantic image of free. inspired creation.

Magical perceptions are common. Professors collude by denying clear information, such as their criteria, and the techniques necessary to succeed. Students deny the importance of hard work and routine, and see success arising from a gift or by magic. This explains their following examination rituals, whether it be feverish last minute revision, or obsessive note taking—'a technique for spiritual consolation' (64) [modern students attend lectures and seminars obsessively, and even complain if they are cancelled—but never take notes!]. There are superstitions, guessing rituals, amulets and fetishes, and the repetition of successful conduct. Success is seen as a reward for having a gift, including the gift of successful guessing (65). There is 'overt contempt’ for any rational approach (65). Professors collude in this too: it is reciprocal—for example the lecture style means that students can enjoy anonymity [and ritual attendance]—and both professors and students oppose rational approaches.

These findings show the ultimate goal of the university system [social reproduction]. The rational approach contradicts these ultimate goals. Cultural transmission could be rationalised, and it would benefit the most disadvantaged students [more on rational teaching later].

Conclusion

Because real educational inequalities are never discussed, differences are seen as a result of ‘giftedness’ (67). Differences are tolerated only if they are seen as differences in gifts, or as the occasional social handicap faced by a gifted student. The lack of talent or enthusiasm in students is never explained. Formal examinations express a purely formal equality: as they are anonymous it is impossible to see how they reflect cultural inequalities. The formal policy of equal opportunity only ‘transforms privilege into merit’ (68). It is impossible to have any other outcome unless serious weight is given to the social origins of students [or value added?]. However, we would then expect unequal terminal performances. This could lead to a hierarchy of institutions, and the degree overall could be devalued. Experience in some communist countries might be cited, but even there there is often a tension [between rewarding 'redness' and expertise]. Overall, the roles of the game have to remain unquestioned. The lack of questioning is shown in the continuing attraction of the grandest institutions and most prestigious disciplines in French universities to all recruits. The credibility of the system requires that inequalities affecting students from outside the university are ignored. Insisting on the role of social differences is therefore a challenge to the whole system.

Giftedness is like charisma. It benefits the privileged and legitimates their contempt for the less privileged. Working-class students accept this as a kind of essentialism (70), and personalise their disadvantage. Indeed, working-class students are among those who believe most strongly in the idea of a charismatic gift. The tendency to reduce to essentialism is common among students because they are already prone to see who they are as what they do.

Teachers also assume their success arises from some personal gift, another essentialism. Often, the education system has been their only route to success, confirming this essentialism. It is often linked with the denigration of vulgar effort.

Students are only too willing to accept their status as victims rather than blame ‘clumsy teachers’ (71). Often their parents are over impressed by teachers' opinions or by the simple scores in educational tests, and are liable to say things like ‘He’s no good at French’, which naturalises inequality. Student objections to the system are often still couched in [victim vocabulary], and they expect solutions to be provided only by the generosity of teachers. Populist demands [such as that working-class culture has to be valued alongside elite culture] are also limited, since the dominant system is not just a simple class culture. Furthermore, academic skills and aptitudes can be learned.

The first requirement is to aim to affect the home environment. Teachers need to be fully explicit about what is required. The usual formulae are not enough [superstitions, but also including routine study skills advice?]. Teachers need to avoid any claims to have professorial charisma, and to develop a rational pedagogy, although this is ‘still to be invented’ (73). Scientific pedagogy is no good because it ignores social conditions [so a real difference between Bourdieu and the educational technologists here]. We need to evaluate different methods of teaching, modes and actual procedures—for example, should we give general technical advice or close direction of student work? Efficiency should be seen as related to students' social origins. We might need constant exercises to build up the skills needed. At the moment, this is denied by the myth of student autonomy and independent learning (74) which only help legitimates the charismatic teacher myth and see alternatives as pedantry.

Students vacillate between the perceived need for discipline and the myth of the aristocratic stance. Teachers also vacillate, taking an aristocratic stance until they have to do assessment (75). Professional judgments in reality are 'based on personal criteria, variable from teacher to teacher and… tied to the particular case' (75). Students need to decipher these criteria and try to rationalise them.

Students from upper class origins can adapt to these diffuse requirements, because of a 'clear affinity between school culture and the culture of the cultivated class' (75). When asked to undertake oral exams, upper class students just demonstrate the skills which are already unconsciously valued [in presentations too?]. Any open recognition of the effects of social origin 'would be regarded as scandalous' (75).

In a rational approach, there would be clarity about the 'reciprocal requirements of teachers and taught… the organisation of study… to enable students from the disadvantaged classes to overcome their disadvantages' (75). [Then a strangely utilitarian remark]: we should permit the 'greatest possible number of individuals to appropriate in the shortest possible time, as completely and perfectly as possible, the greatest number of the abilities which constitute school culture at a given moment' (76). This approach will be neither traditional nor technical/specialist. Until we develop it, education cannot overcome inequality. At the same time, a rational pedagogy is in its turn impossible unless recruitment of teachers and students is democratised.

Epilogue

The middle class demand for university expansion arises from the need to secure their social places [credentialist closure]. The response to the development of a modern economy has been to demand more kinds of education. Diplomas themselves have probably been devalued in terms of their role in regulating access to jobs. The rapid growth of more functional [vocational?] education and more functional jobs have devalued traditional diplomas, and excluded non holders of diplomas altogether. Academic qualifications have also helped to unify the whole system of qualifications [compare with the British government's model of 8 different levels].

As well as obtaining a diploma, it is important to exploit its value, and this requires further investments of educational and social capital. Those stopping at the lower levels, and new arrivals at the higher ones, are likely to suffer most from devaluation. They can fight back, for themselves and for their children, by demanding even more better qualifications [as in the credentialist spiral].

Educational qualifications can be converted to economic capital in several ways. Graduates might be able to demand higher wages: those holding diplomas have overtaken small independent businessmen in terms of income [almost a counterbalance argument here, based on some statistical evidence, the authors claim]. Alternatively, graduates might be able to shift into new businesses. This can be seen in the changes around craft work, for example, which now feature luxury and leisure goods. These require a more cultural capital (80). For such goods, value lies in the 'casual distinction of the vendor [as much] as on the nature and quality of the wares' (81), and it is important to demonstrate a mastery of taste rather than technical skills. These sorts of new cultural industries seem ideal for those with cultural capital rather than high levels of educational capital [as an example, the denser members of the UK royal family seem to be able to make a good living making very posh furniture].

Holders of devalued qualifications can try to retain their value [an interesting possibility relating to the recent work on knowledge economy in the UK, which also predicts falling returns to university degrees]. For example, the diploma can become a licence to gain privilege rather than an actual job, and to increase self esteem. Again more objective mechanisms are required, including a need to invest in valuable educational capital, perhaps by pulling out of unfashionable subjects [or unis]. It is possible to cling on to the old values to some extent, if you can persuade colleagues and the family of the value of your diploma, this can sometimes mask a real devaluation. In some circumstances, it might lead to actual revaluation [if particular degree subjects become fashionable, or if you can persuade employers that the prestige of the qualification is the most important thing]. Those who supply jobs however are likely to reward their real value of diplomas, especially if they are pursuing deskilling strategies as well. [I can still see a place for well educated but non technical people as decorative members of boards of directors]. In the worst case, diploma holders can be unemployed, and can see themselves as refusing to play the game [hence the moral drop out, who gains an engineering degree, finds it overtaken by technical developments, and gives it all up to run a smallholding in Devon].

#Oxford University #Oxford

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fmdkiana · 4 years

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【✧】━━━━━ 🌿 k i a n a i n t r o p l a y l i s t 🌿 ━━━━━【✧】

these are nineteen songs that i’ve been listening to while making kiana’s blog [x] some i came across, some randomly thought of, and some suggested by lovely muns i’ve been chatting about kiana to. since she’s a character that i’ve adapted for the purpose of famed, these songs have helped ground me in the person she is. i hope the songs and descriptions below will help you learn kiana a little better too

1. to be torn by kyla la grange

this first song was a suggestion from someone, and i think set the tune for the rest of my choices. apparently it’s from beauty and the beast? lol anyway it describes this desire to be torn, a carnal need to be used. the heavy sound of it is kind of haunting, a bit sad, but also strong. the emotion can be felt even without the lyrics. kiana has this part of her that deeply craves being important, whether it comes at her own expense -her own tearing- or not. also forewarning that a lot of these overlap on the same concepts. shrug emoji

2. intertwined by dodie

intertwined is a song that immediately came to mind for kiana after to be torn. when this song came out, many people saw it as a cute love story, wanting to be intertwined with a lover, and have them be the safe space when you have a troubled head. however, dodie made a video debunking this, against her natural inclination, because the song describes something severely unhealthy. the following music video also helped many people to see the gore that’s strung throughout the lyrics. it Actually describes a relationship where the participants have put all of their source of happiness in one another, and it’s left them codependent, but ever seeking more. kiana has this perpetual trouble in relationships, especially romantic ones

3. bite by troye sivan

i can be the subjective of your dreams, your sickening desire is a pretty good sum up of where the inspo comes from. it’s difficult, when talking about the negative parts of kiana, to not talk about her ex-boyfriend. i have lots planned to talk on so i won’t go on forever here, but it reminds me of how all it took was the tiniest invitation for kiana to “become his.” that’s how she works. come here puppy, don’t bite, and she’ll heel at your side forever. at least, back then. she’s someone who seems difficult, because she’s very asocial, but with the right formula, it could be so easy to slip her into your arms

4. hell in heaven by twice wish

this song is a bit similar to intertwined, i would say? someone who feels stuck, drowning in a “hell” that is only saved by a piece of “heaven/paradise.” yet they’re in between the place of hell and heaven, constantly confused of where they land, because they’ve placed their hope for salvation in this one, singular place/person. they want to be freer than they are, yet their salvation keeps them locked away. open the door to heaven, let me walk on the cloud. the day i’m trapped in you, save me, hold me tight

5. dinner & diatribes by hozier

a few different levels come from this song. while it was created with the idea of how tedious social gatherings are, the story that comes from it makes another world. kiana is asocial, and struggles with fear over social situations, which make something like dinner parties quite stressful for her. she’s also someone who isn’t fond of small talk, and more likely that type to say ‘talk to me about your deepest fears,’ but... she actually means it and isn’t saying it to be pretentious. she would much rather see the sickest, nastiest parts of someone, soak all of that up, than talk about whether the food was good. the music video describes this in part, but also gives a hades/persephone but worse type of story that is also quite kiana aligned. that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of

6. creep by radiohead

i want you to notice when i’m not around. so fuckin special, i wish i was special, but i’m a creep. not to ‘have you ever seen me without this hat’ on you, but lissen! kiana is forever convinced she’s an outsider. the things she likes are more Cool these days than they were when she was a kid, but the feeling of being ostracized for liking them back then will always live with her. she’s an insecure overthinking fuck at times too. and also desperately wants to be someone special, and unique, as if having that would make her pain of feeling different worth it

7. seigfried by frank ocean

the meaning of this song is pretty different from how i view it in relation to kiana. for her, the focus is on the idea of ‘settling down’ being... acceptance of normality? her whole life, she’s been searching for someone and/or something that makes her feel special. she became an idol for this exact reason, dated her ex for that reason, seeks the relationships she does, thinks she could still have superpowers for this reason. but the truth is that she’s pretty normal. her hobbies are very normal people type things. her talents aren’t anything that would have her being called top of the line. her thoughts are all things other people have thought of. her booksmart intelligence isn’t any stronger than the average. she is very normal, and the tiny part of her that acknowledges that usually shoves it away. but on occasion, she wonders if she should accept it, and settle

8. gimme love by joji

gimme gimme love is all you really need to know lol kiana doesn’t stick around easily when she’s not being given the same kind of world-ending affection from those she’s chosen to share that with that she gives out. she gives at Least 110% of her love, affection, and loyalty into anyone that she has chosen to keep closest to her heart, and if she isn’t getting that back, she can feel dejected, unloved, and unimportant. she may give people like this a few chances to change, but her expectations, or “standards,” won’t change

9. pain by king princess

cos i can’t help turning my love into pain is the strongest lyric that ties back to kiana. the overall message isn’t as strong because king princess has a different view on a relationship as described than kiana. for her, it’s yet another kiana will put herself in the face of terrible parts of relationships. the trouble is that she enjoys it, and seeks it, thinking it’s the ultimate show of love. not to pain one another, but to be pained without them. also realizing after all these i should be saying this applies to her inner circle friendships as well, but the standards are just a little less heavy

10. any song by zico sun

not one for big gatherings, kiana likes to have her social interaction either through the wire, or in small groups (duos are best to her tbh) the song has an upbeat tune that contrasts against the lyrical meaning of something more about... any song will do, something to drag away the sadness that’s living inside. kiana functions a bit like that, always seeking her uniqueness to bust out and save her from her own mind thinking she’s not good enough

11. why won’t they talk to me? by tame impala

she is asocial, but that doesn’t mean being a hermit,, an otaku,, whatever you want to call her, is a life full of happiness. she functions very well on her own, but when she has that for too long, it can be damaging to her head as well, especially when she has inner circle friends or a romantic relationship. when not speaking to these people, the need for human connection seems unbearable to deal with, and anxiety runs rampant

12. alien by lee suhyun

her mama told her she’s alien, but actually it was herself telling herself she’s alien mixed with influence from pop culture making her want to be a superhero and kids who told her she was a freak, all coming together in the desire for weirdness to be a Cool thing. kiana will wish til the day she croaks that she will have a realization that she has a special power

13. stressed out by twenty one pilots

ki doesn’t care about the core message of this song. many people relate to oh no bills~ adult stress~ but kiana doesn’t. even if she wasn’t born into a family that could live comfortably, and didn’t become an idol making phat stacks, she would feel the same. to her, it’s an inevitability. HOWEVA the beginning lines are 1:1 for how she wishes to be something extraordinary, and is supa insecure that she isn’t. i wish found some better sounds that no one’s ever heard. i wish i had a better voice that sang some better words ... i was told when i get older all my fears would shrink but now i’m insecure and i care what people think

14. true crime by epik high ft. miso

not exactly 1:1 word by word, since there’s several perspectives coming in one song, however, the overall message i think can be summed in it’s a true crime to be without you. other lines like i’d open up my chest for your entertainment, that was the line that drew me to originally put this in the playlist. i’m not sure on a story behind the song, but it strikes me as something bonnie & clyde-esque? there’s themes of being on the run, lying on the pavement dying, stuff like that. that kind of relationship is strongly the ideals kiana holds for her romantic and close platonic relationships

15. shine by pentagon (shouldve been knight but bad bois image PLAYIN)

i cannot explain to u the random joy this dumb song gave me when it came out. it’s similar to power up like i just?? get so happy lol anyway the whole premise is like nerdy person has a crush n theyre like oh my god~ why would u like me~ i cant say i like u~ it’s super fucking cute. i’m a loser who loves you. yes, i’m a misery. to you, i’m a nuisance, i’m an outsider, but in this world, i only need you. that’s where the kiana part comes in strongest, or explains it in one sentence. she worries she isn’t enough for others but her affections are always incredibly strong. also she’s cute

16. tail by sunmi dimensions soloist 2

when i first heard this song, i needed to play it again to pay attention to the lyrics because i had the feeling it was kiana-esque. i was right, but i would say that it’s where kiana could go at her worst. has she been there? i’m not so sure. perhaps teetering on the edge of having her claws out, but really, for now, it’s just that the potential is there

17. she’s my religion by pale waves

so as to not repeat myself too much and because this is so much fookin writing already, this is another song that talks about how deeply and dangerously kiana falls into others. she’s no angel, but she’s my religion, always finding ways to numb the pain ... made me feel like i was finally enough ... she needs this love just as much as me

18. space cadet by beabadoobee

this song has similar themes to alien, but rather than about being special, it’s about being in a shitty place and letting your mind wander to create a better reality. ki has her interests, her extreme love of her fandoms, because it’s an escape for her. that’s not something i personally approve of, however, it’s a common reality for many people. living in these online spaces and thinking of these fictional worlds gives her a place to go to when the irl world is too difficult for her to handle

19. me! me! me! by teddyloid

you might think this is a meme addition and sure! to a degree it is! but i’m also going to talk about it as an actual piece of music and visuals. first we’ll talk about the music video. kiana feels complicated about the type of anime fans that oversexualize everything, so in general, she likes a message that’s against those types. the message of addiction tearing real life relationships apart also is something kiana sorta needs to hear. the lyrics of the song itself talk about an all consuming type of relationship, and dissects it to explain how it wasn’t love, but worship, which was dangerous to them both. it’s a song that kiana perhaps would need to take to heart, but i, as her mun, am unsure if she ever will. that depends on the connections she forms, and what types of people are goading her on, or trying to get her to stop

#yes i am dirty hit trash blame that little emo ass punk andy and all their dirty hit aus #there are so many things i wouldnt give a shit about if it werent for my having a connection to them thru my muses #i watched another anime thinking it was research for ki lol #for now i think i'll do boring tags like sung n if i change my mind i'll come back later #tunes

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beyond-the-mirror · 5 years

Text

Music of the Night (V x Reader)

Well this chapter took longer than expected! But it’s finally done and I hope it’s up to your expectations.

Tagging @thedyingmoon and @minteyeddemon since they were very interested in the concept of this fic. Please enjoy!

Warning: Child abuse, please read with caution. If this theme makes you uncomfortable you can skip the first part in italics.

............

Chapter 3: Songs of Innocence and Experience

“Gather round everyone! Come to our Freak Show and see! Bear witness to the most shocking collection of human abominations on earth!”

A rather tall man shouted at the top of his lungs, inviting the crowd into a rather dull tent situated behind him.

Fortuna’s local carnival was definitely not the most impressive touristic attraction the city had to offer, located in a barren terrain at the outskirts of it. The rides barely received any maintenance, small piles of garbage accumulated in some corners, and the stench excrement coming from the pet zoo impregnated the air. As unappealing as the entire carnival looked, it still offered the commoners a chance at having fun for a very few coins.

The announcer, known by the many staff members as Mr. Buoncuore, kept beckoning at the passersby, some of them feeling curious about what lurked inside the mysterious tent that housed the Freak Show, and paying him for an entry ticket. After enough people had gathered around to form a small group, the man flashed his rotten teeth.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves to witness our fascinating collection of nature’s most bizarre wonders. Please come in, let our tour begin.”

The inside of the tent was poorly lit, only a few lights worked and they hardly illuminated anything. Mounted walls divided the ample room into narrow cubicles where the “freaks” were showcased, at least the stage lights in each cubicle did function properly.

Unlike the jovial environment outside, the interior of the installation was rather gloomy and almost depressive. As the group was guided through the pavilion, they were introduced to the freaks displayed, which included a bearded lady, a pair of conjoined twins, a man covered head to toe in dark thick hair, and many more. Some performed small circus acts to entertain the spectators, others simply sat in sorrowful silence as they were being watched. Poor unfortunate men and women whose only sin was being born with a malformation, condemning them to be mere exhibitions to the morbidly curious side of mankind.

At the farthest end of the pavilion, a single cubicle mounted over a short stage platform and hidden behind a red velvet curtain stood out from the rest. Many believed this one to be the final and most important specimen in the freak show, and couldn’t wait to find out just what was hidden behind the fancy curtain.

Finally reaching the end of the tour, Mr. Buoncuore gathered everyone at the front of the small stage. Many whispered voices expressed their intrigue at the mystery behind the curtain. And soon enough, Buoncuore made an announcement.

“And now, we shall reveal to to you our final and finest specimen of our valuable collection. Prepare yourselves to be amazed, for this is no ordinary freak after all, one so outrageous that mere words can’t describe its cursed existence.”

The crowd stared in complete suspense at the cubicle. After a brief pause, Buoncuore continued with his speech. “I present to you, an unfortunate soul forsaken by God, a soul marked by demons themselves since the day they were brought to this mortal world. I present to you… Il Figlio del Diavolo! The Devil’s Child!”

Immediately the curtain was pulled up, revealing its interior. The crowd gasped at the sight.

A little boy, only five years old, was chained to the floor at the center of the cubicle behind a set of bars. He seemed malnourished, his skin a sickly pale color, and his long black curls were dull and unkempt. The infant wasn’t wearing a shirt nor shoes, only an old, torn pair of pants that reached bellow his knees. Several bruises and cuts covered his fragile body, some were already healed, others were still fresh.

However, what caught everyone’s attention were the deep dark markings that covered the child’s entire torso and arms. Swirls of black ink coursed through the boy’s skin, reaching up to his neck and the tips of his fingers in intricate and surreal paths and patterns. The ink had such a saturated color, an unnatural aura in them, it was obvious they were no regular tattoos; in fact, many swore they could see the ink actually moving on its own.

The sight was so surreal, so unbelievable…

“I-I-It’s a demon! A demon!” One of the spectators yelled at the sight before him. Other voices soon accompanied the first comment. “A demon has claimed this boy!” “That child is not human!”

Uncertainty and confusion took over the small crowd at the sight before them. They pointed at the boy, looked at him in utter disgust, mocked him, whispered profanities and insults at his tiny figure.

And yet the child simply laid still where he was chained with a vacant stare, the spark in his green eyes long lost.

Empty eyes, devoid of any hope.

“Take this you monster!” a teen member of the group picked up a pebble from the dirty ground and threw it at the imprisoned child, hitting him on his head and making him flinch. And soon enough, the rest joined the teen, throwing pebbles at the poor creature, who simply retreated back as far as his shackles permitted and curled up on the ground. Although most of the pebbles couldn’t reach him thanks to both the distance he kept and the bars blocking him, a few still managed to hit their target, leaving another set of cuts and small wounds on his already scarred skin.

The crowd continued their assault relentlessly while Buoncuore simply observed the scene in amusement, his fingers tapping at the handle of the silver cane he always carried pridefully with him.

Tears started to run down the child’s soft face, whimpers shaking his minute body.

“I-I’m not… I-I-I’m not a monster… P-Please stop… I b-beg you…”

He prayed for salvation, for mercy. Every single day, he prayed and prayed…

… But nobody came to save him.

............

His eyes shot open, heavy pants leaving his lungs in a desperate attempt to recover oxygen, a thin layer of sweat covered his face and body making his skin glisten in the dim light of his chamber.

The man sat up on the mattress to try and compose himself, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He ran a hand through his ebony locks, a habit he regularly did when feeling anxious in general.

It was merely a nightmare. One he wished he could forget, but kept coming back to haunt no matter how much he tried.

After a few minutes passed and his body finally relaxed, giving him the chance to stand up from his bed and lightly stumble towards the bathroom. Finding purchase in the old porcelain sink, he opened the tap, letting out a sigh of relief when a stream of clean fresh water managed to come out of it. At least the well that provided for the house hasn’t dried up yet to his fortune.

The man proceeded to wash his face and hair, hoping that the cold water could give him at least a sense of tranquility from the turmoil his unsavory dream caused in him.

Closing the tap, the man looked up and stared at his own reflection in the mirror in front of him. The ethereal markings on his partially nude body greatly contrasted with the almost sickly pale skin, looking almost alive as if the were made of slithering wisps of smoke and ashes. Rising a hand towards his face, he once again slicked his hair back, examining the now uncovered part of his visage. New lines had begun to appear, where they would stop at his neck now they started to crawl up his jawline, through his cheekbones and up into his hairline. Some stopped right below his left eye, others seemed to have redirected towards the bridge of his nose.

This new changes were not unusual though. It had been a long time since the lines had last developed after all.

What would happen if they managed to cover his entire face? He didn’t know. All he knew was that the markings will not stop growing. All he knew was that, although he was indeed intrigued by this phenomenon,

a voice deep inside his head assured him… he would not like the answer at all.

............

“We are starting with ‘Lo vidi e ’l primo palpito’. On your positions now!”

Tech rehearsals had begun for ‘Luisa Miller’, the next play to be performed at the Opera. As the current choreographer and dance captain, Trish strived to make rehearsals flow as smoothly as possible. Major setbacks were inconceivable for her, and with a personality as fierce as a lightning bolt, no one dared to challenge her authority nor her decisions.

All the backup dancers and extras took their respective places, their blocking already approved and stablished with no further changes. Meanwhile, Madame Carlotta beckoned her assistants to fetch her prop bouquet and apply some throat spray to her before starting a few vocal warm-ups. After readying herself, she signaled for the maestro to start the aria.

“Non temer: più nobil spirto, alma più calda di virtù non mai vestì spoglia mortal. M'amò! l'amai!”

As Carlotta paced around the stage, the backup dancers began their routine. You twirled around gracefully, perfectly following the path you were instructed to as the scene required. This was Luisa Miller’s, the main character, first aria. A serenade was brought to Luisa in celebration of her birthday, the townspeople gathering and dancing joyfully around her before settling down and letting her continue her song.

“Lo vidi, e 'l primo palpito il cor sentì d'amore; mi vide appena, e il core balzò del mio fedel.”

Once again, the dancers began moving, this time in line to present Luisa their gifts. Carlotta moved between the townspeople, bowing at each one and receiving her gifts. However, you noticed that her steps were longer than necessary, making her invade the blocked paths of some of the dancers. One misstep from her and she was suddenly right in front of you, completely oblivious to her current position. You tried to step out of her way but-

“Quaggiù si riconobbero nostr'alme in rincontrarsi formate per amarsi Iddio le avea in- AHHH!”

You moved a bit too late. Next thing you knew she had collided against you, which caused her to trip and fall backwards.

“Cut the music!” at Trish’s orders, the conductor and the orchestra immediately stopped. The actors and dancers looked distraught at what just happened, worry visible on their faces.

“I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” You immediately reached out and offered a hand to Carlotta to help her get up, but a quick slap against your palm was the only answer you received.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Don’t you know how to move across a stage you amateur?” Carlotta screeched angrily at you while her assistants rushed to her side to help her stand on her feet. Some of the actors as well as Nico ran to your side as soon as they noticed how hostile she was acting towards you.

“But I was just following the blocking! I swear I didn’t mean to-“ You tried your best to defend yourself, you were completely sure you had been in your assigned space and you had even noticed how some of your fellow dancers had trouble maneuvering around Carlotta.

“Oh shut up you-“

“Enough!” Trish interrupted Carlotta’s rant, the entire theatre going dead silent at the powerful tone of her voice. She calmly strode towards you both, a composed but stern look in her eyes. “What exactly happened?”

The moment you opened your mouth to explain, Carlotta interjected furiously. “This girl did this on purpose! She stepped out of her place and because of her mistake I tripped. It’s obvious she hasn’t learned the choreography properly, you must place her at the back of the stage right now!”

Before she could continue further with her rant, Trish silently raised her palm ordering her to keep quiet, then turned to you. “(Y/N)?”

Taking a deep breath, you calmly offered your side of the story “… I’m sorry Madame Trish, but I’m pretty sure I was following the steps correctly. I did my best to avoid running into Carlotta but I couldn’t do it on time.”

Trish acknowledged your words before stating. “It seems this was merely an accident and gladly nobody got hurt. Carlotta, please remember that your blocking hasn’t been stablished as of yet and that we could always modify it to grant you more movement and better avoid this kind of incidents. Alright everyone, on your positions once again!”

With a loud clap from Trish, everyone hurried to their respective places. However, before she could leave the stage, she faced Carlotta once more “As for your request, I’m afraid we can’t grant it. Not only is the blocking already approved, but these last seasons (Y/N) has proved to be an excellent dancer and actress, surpassing by far all our expectations. Now please return to your position.”

Carlotta was fuming, her poor assistants trying their best to calm her down.

At that moment, you began to fear that working with her wasn’t going to be easy at all.

............

Unbeknownst to everyone, the Phantom stood hidden at his usual spot in box number 4, his deep eyes watching over the rehearsals taking place at the stage bellow him. As the backup dancers started their routine however, his gaze was fixated on you right away. He observed carefully your graceful moves, your perfectly calculated steps around the stage.

You looked ethereal, beautiful, marvelous…

“AHHH!”

His eyes widened at the incident that just happened before him. The newest soprano had collided against you, her prancing around the stage careless and imprudent. You offered the woman a hand, only for her to swat it away rudely.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Don’t you know how to move across a stage you amateur?”

Taken aback by the rather explosive words, he was suddenly filled with rage and anger. And the more he watched the scene bellow unravel, the more furious he would become.

He witnessed you trying to help her, trying to defend yourself from her cruel and harsh words. How dare this woman do this to you? You who were a marvelous dancer, you who worked hard to get to where you were now. Hellfire couldn’t compare to the wrath that was coursing through his veins.

“Enough!” The choreographer, Madame Trish as he recalled, stepped on stage. She calmly listened to you both, and rightfully acknowledged that what happened was only an accident and that it definitely wasn’t your fault.

Carlotta was left fuming, even though she requested for you to be moved to the back of the stage, she was denied much to his amusement. He lamented that such an awful woman had to be hired as the lead singer, especially since the former one was wonderfully skilled and kindhearted.

Letting out a sigh, the Phantom continued supervising the rehearsal in secret, wondering if this Carlotta woman would pose a threat to the success of the opera house due to her harsh personality.

One thing was certain though. If she dared to hurt you in any way, he would have to teach her a lesson.

This opera house was his sanctuary, you were his angel of music. And let God and Lord Sparda know, he was willing to defend both from any harm at all cost.

............

“I… I wish to show you something (Y/N)…”

“Huh? What do you want to show me V?”

The boy retreated back briefly through the trapdoor next to him before reappearing with a few objects in his arms. One was a leather-bound book and the other was a long silver cane.

He stood before you awkwardly for a moment, a blush adorning his soft cheeks, before sitting on a wooden crate nearby and patting the spot next to him, silently inviting to take a seat.

Once you settled by his side, he handed you his book. “It’s a book of poetry, an anthology of William Blake’s works. My… my mother gifted it to me. She used it to teach me how to read.”

Your tiny fingers gently traced the details on the cover. Golden lines and ornaments decorated the leather in gorgeous patterns, forming a “V” at its center. Opening it, pages covered in exquisitely handwritten letters and breathtaking illustrations were revealed to your eyes. You could see why V loved this book so much, both the poems and the drawings were absolutely delightful, not to mention that you now understood why V would talk in such a polite and proper way.

“V… this is so beautiful!” you smiled at him and he returned the gesture with a timid one too. Carefully placing the book next to you, you turned to eye the cane still in V’s arms. “May I see that one too?”

The smile vanished from his face. He hesitated a bit, but eventually handed it to you. It was splendidly crafted, its form elegant and the handle had many pretty and mesmerizing details. However, unlike the time he lended you his beloved book, he remained silent.

“Would you tell me more about this cane?” V’s eyes widened, his adorable smile long gone now and his eyes now expressing worry. “I… I don’t know why I have it…” he quietly replied. “The only thing I know is that it’s important for me… but I’m not sure why…”

He looked away from you, and for a moment you thought you saw a small tear forming at the corner of his eye. Quickly placing the cane on the box, you pulled V into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry V… I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry for making you feel sad.”

At first he tensed when he felt your arms wrap around his form, but soon melted into your warm embrace and returned the hug. When you finally pulled away, you returned him his book. “Let’s change the subject. How about you read to me?”

Taking the book, his eyes immediately lit up. “Um… I still have some trouble pronouncing certain words, will it be a problem?”

“Not at all! And don’t worry, if you have trouble with a word I can help with it if you like.”

Once again, his lovely blush decorated his cheekbones. You read together, taking turns with each poem. When you both reached one titled ‘The Divine Image’, V asked you for a little help since it contained two words that still gave him a little trouble.

You patiently recited the poem first and then let him repeat it again until he could get it right.

“And all must love the human form, In h-het… heathen, Turk, or Jew…”

Although he was very eloquent when speaking, V still struggled on how to correctly pronounce a couple written words. Still you would always encourage him to keep trying, that one day, he will have no problem reading at all.

“You’re doing great V. Almost there, you can do it.”

“Where Mercy, Love, & Pity d-d-dwell, There God is d-dwelling too.” He gave one last sigh after finishing the poem.

“See? I knew you could do it!”

And for the first time since you met him, V let himself laugh. It was such a lovely and heartwarming sound, one full of joy and innocence that you could never get tired of hearing.

............

In a dark, candlelit room, the Phantom sat in front of his desk. He was working on a particular opera of his own creation, a project he started many years ago and yet it seemed to be nowhere near completion. Along the years the Phantom wrote many musical pieces, songs and poems, but this particular one was the most important of them all.

This one opera would be his Magnum Opus, his greatest masterpiece.

And once he finished it, he would finally consider his life accomplished and let the darkness take him away.

As his eyes skimmed through the page, he suddenly paused. His gaze turned to a leather-bound book on the desk next to his many drafts and notes. Picking up the book, he let himself rest for a while, opening it and reading its contents once again. The poetry and the illustrations in the book brought some memories back, ones he will always treasure with great joy and nostalgia.

His thoughts wandered back to you, his angel of music. “My angel… La mia angela… I promise to hold you and protect you always…

Just like you held me and protected me many years ago…”

#devil may cry #phantom of the opera au #dmc v #v x reader #v x you #self-insert #fanfiction #fanfic #warning: sensitive content

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laufire · 5 years

Note

You don't have to do this at all but I'm intrigued by your "favourites" tags and I was wondering if you'd break them down?

No problem! I think I remembered them all (but since I keep adding new ones, then forgetting again about them, who knows lol).

favourites: a straight line

Okay, so this is kind of a hard one because it’s mostly a… ~vibe thing. It’s from a quote by Person of Interest –specifically, The Machine telling Shaw that Root loved her because “if we were shapes, you were an arrow, a straight line”, and I just… loved it. So it goes to character that had that sort of… clear-sighted, straightforward something, that cut through the bullshit.

favourites: birds of a feather

From the saying “birds of a feather flock together”. It’s basically used for my ships where the members reflect and parallel each other (especially when it’s a case where fandom convention classifies them as “opposites”).

favourites: cute married couples

Self-explanatory, I think, tho by virtue of the fandoms I frequent lately I haven’t used it much xD

favourites: fucked up families

Also self-explanatory. And much more used!

favourites: god save us from the queen

Named after the trope. Look, fandom. I know why it’s Problematique. But I just love Evol, Power Hungry Queens! (in modern ‘verses it can apply to women with political power in general –i.e., I would totally use this tag for Mellie Grant okay). And I’m not gonna deny a big part of it is the #aesthetics xDD

favourites: head witch in charge

Powerful witches/other magic-type users in general. Comes from the acronym Head Bitch in Charge.

favourites: i am the law

It comes from Buffy’s speech in s7. It goes from that type of characters that take all that “I am the ONLY one”/”if I don’t try to save the world who will” responsability (sometimes, in a frankly egocentric/self-important way lol, but I like that *shrugs*).

favourites: i can fix that

This one comes from Sam The Onion Man in Holes, though it’s morphed into something quite different in my tag system lol. It’s… somewhat tied to the previous one? In that I apply it to characters that have some sort of… control issues/that need to action/intervention in their enviroment. I guess the difference is that I associate this tag with characters that are in a precarious position? Idk.

favourites: i see you

Cato says this to Noah in Underground; I use it for somewhat-antagonistic dynamics where one character sees through the reputation/façade of the other one, basically (sometimes it’s with a ~shippier spirit than others lol).

favourites: immortal exes

Self-explanatory, and one of my fave shippy tropes in existence.

favourites: like father like daughter

For my favourite father/daughter dynamics.

favourites: living large

I love it when my faves like the finer things in live. There’s nothing wrong with liking nice things lol.

favourites: love at first bite

It’s the title of a film I have yet to watch (a comedy where Dracula has to move out of Transylvania). But the quote fits perfectly with my adored blood-sharing/vampire ships, so –tho this is one of the few I often forget to use lol.

favourites: love is the drug

Title taken from a song. For those ships that can’t stay away from each other, despite how ill-advised it might be.

favourites: machiavelli’s alumni

Tag for political savvy people/situations.

favourites: mamma who bore me

Song from the musical Spring Awakening. It’s become short of a catch-them-all for mother characters, but the song/main intent was about controlling/overprotective ones lol.

favourites: mirror mirror on the wall

This is one of my newest ones and I’ve barely used it/edited old posts with it yet. It’s for my very narrow type of fave femslash dynamics lol: aka older/younger women (though there’s ships without the age difference that I’ll likely use it with) ships with lots of parallels motifs that have probably tried to kill each other at least once.

favourites: monster women

Because I love them, and the stories about them.

favourites: my foe beheld it shine

From William Blake’s A Poison Tree, a super dramatic poem about enemies lol. Perfect for enemy ships.

ETA - favourites: persephone’s revenge

One of them is Hades; one of them is Persephone and they’re at Hades’ mercy. I want Persephone to get even xD

favourites: pinocchio stories

Named after the trope; tag for all my artificial intelligence/robots feelings (no, I do not care to explore why the hell I almost always relate to robot characters, leave me alone xDD).

favourites: rags to riches

I will always root for social climbers and gold diggers on principle and this is the tag for that :P

favourites: romantic tragedies

For when what I love about a ship is their angst lol.

ETA - favourites: samson and delilah

One of the members is setting out to destroying and manipulating the other

favourites: smash the system

Inspired by that Hulk “SMASH THE PATRIARCHY” twitter. For characters/stories that seek to tear down the status quo.

favourites: soul siblings

For my fave siblings relationships.

ETA - favourites: sun and shadow

Great for light vs. dark dichotomies, especially in characters. Think Lizzie and (dark!)Josie, Buffy and Faith, Chuck and Amara.

favourites: that fucker

For my Problematic Faves, cold MOFOs, villains and the like.

favourites: the hashtag blessed crowd

My faves are being self-obsessed.

favourites: the masquerade

Another brand new one. It’s inspired by the trope “The Masquerade Will Kill Your Dating Life”, and it’s for my ships with Identity Porn Shenanigans.

favourites: the powah of lurve

For ships that overpower everything hehe.

favourites: the walking dead

Because I love resurrection/comes back wrong/ghosts stories.

ETA - favourites: the wordsmith

Tag I inaugurated for those characters that can get out of anything and create everything out of nothing with only their words.

favourites: the world is my canvas

For characters that mark the rules of a ‘verse and control narratives, and the world around them (aka: one of the main power fantasy tags xD).

favourites: three’s company

For OT3s (potentially OT+ in general).

favourites: to die like this; with a last kiss

From Siouxsie and the Banshees’ Face to Face (aka, the Batman Returns BatCat song). I wanted a tag that err… expressed how sometimes I’m into how the members of my ships try (and even succeed!) to kill each other?… it’s majorly fucked-up, foh sure, but I do believe shit like that ~enhances the shipping experience even when it troubles us shippers (and often, because it troubles us shippers, sooo).

favourites: to fall another moment into your gravity

From Sara Bareilles’s Gravity. I love it when my OTPs have broken up and are bitter af about it, yet can’t help but feel drawn to each other, and it’s the perfect song/quote for it.

favourites: vultures in lurve

I knew I had to have heard that expression before because I think vultures are Good™ lmao, and it’s apparently the title of some book. Either way, I kind of like how it sounds, and it’s my tag for when assholes are OTT in love with each other and enjoy being assholes together (pausing for moments where they’re super tender ofc), a la Unholy Matrimony trope.

favourites: you raise sons

Another brand new, barely used one. It comes from the quote “You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.”. For father-son type relationships.

favourites: you’ve got the love

From the Florence + the Machine song. For those amazing, fulfilling ships where the characters bring the most and the best from each other *-*.

And though this is technically not one of those tags, I have to add #you WISH your faves could ever, which is basically my “this unpopular OTP is magnificent and fandom is jealous about it because their faves suck in comparison” tag xDD (btw, it’s curious how almost invariably, those ships include a WoC presented as The One…).

#nectareouswrites #fandom nonsense #shipping #me me me #talking to the void #my thoughts #thanks!#this was fun lol

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what-the-ship · 5 years

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Tickling the Ivories Chapter 3

We all know Cavendish and Dakota will be famous pop stars. How they got there is the interesting part.

Part one: Here

It all started with a canister in a field. Dakota was chattering about the newest song he had written when the grabbers grabbed the top off a canister hiding under a newspaper.

“That can’t be good.” Was all the got out before a cloud of purple and silver glitter exploded out. It would’ve been pretty if it wasn’t for the burning sensation everywhere it touched.

“Dakota?” Called a voice before his sight turned to black. When he woke up again he had a tube up his nose and a line in his arm. The lights in his room were dimmed as he reached over for his glasses. The last thing he needed was a splitting headache on top of the one he already has. Looking around he got a better idea where he was exactly.

It was an empty hospital room without so much as a TV. The steady beep nearby from his heart monitor was his only company. Outside his closed-door, he heard the muffled dim of people going about their day. Turning his head to the side he saw an empty chair and an empty bedside table. Closing his eyes he would claim it would help his head but it was really so he wouldn’t have to see he was alone. The door opened but he remained still. He didn’t feel like talking.

The doctor and nurse spoke quietly about his condition. Unknown gas but they were testing it now. Should make a full recovery in two days. Nothing about the Cavendish. Nothing about him also being injured or even visiting. At some point, he fell back asleep.

“Burger?” Dakota started sitting up. He was still attached to the IV line but the nose tube was gone. Cavendish jumped in the chair next to the bed. At his feet was a red cooler he was pulling food out of. Not crappy hospital food, oh no, the good stuff.

“Oh man. I missed that.” Dakota smiled shifting back into his too stiff pillow.

“I figured as much. I would’ve been here sooner but there is so sort of emergency on the lower floors.” Cavendish gathered up all the evidence of their smuggling.

“Don’t you want to go check it out?” Dakota asked sitting up slightly.

“I see no reason to.” Cavendish gave a one-shoulder shrug not stopping his cleaning. “We’re a joke around here so I doubt they’ll let us anywhere near there anyway.”

“Oh right,” Dakota remembered what he wanted to talk to his friend before the accident. “About that song.”

This was it. His do or die. So to speak. Neither man was adept at expressing themselves outside their respective coping mechanisms. Cavendish used a false sense of superiority while Dakota relied on jokes and sarcasm. Not this time.

He was about to confess through the only medium the two of them understood, music. So soon as he was better he’d give his please marry me speech via a song. He had all the lyrics planned out. All the adventures big and small to asking him to go on the biggest adventure of all. A cheesy love song at its finest.

“I was thinking about this one.” Cavendish had started to play a sample he’d been tinkering with. The speakers frizzed a little lowering the volume dramatically.

“Blasted thing.” The taller man scolded applying some percussive maintenance to the phone. Getting frustrated he tried to lean over to put the speaker closer to Dakota’s ear. Getting further frustrated by being impeded by the railing he lowered it so he could climb in the bed. Leaning back against the wall he was now shoulder to shoulder next to Dakota holding the phone between them.

The two of them listened in silence both hyper-aware what exactly what the situation looked like. In an effort to get more comfortable Cavendish wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulder. Accepting the casual –friendly- contact Dakota leaned into it. They picked through songs while sleep claimed Dakota a second time.

&&&

“Aw man. You know it’s bad when a sleeping bag is more comfortable than a bed.” Dakota swung his arms around a few times trying to loosen the knot in his shoulder.

“You need to be more careful from now on Dakota.” Cavendish scolded.

“Yeah. Yeah. I know.” Dakota looked away. They were stopped by a group of ‘real agents’ milling around looking in the same direction. “Hey what’s the hold-up?”

“Quiet drudge,” growled a nearby agent trying to peer over his coworkers.

“Drudge?” Dakota whispered not knowing what it meant but knowing an insult when he heard one.

“I know things look tough.” Their boss, Mr. Block voice carried over the group. “We’ve foiled dozen of aliens invasion, help lost travelers, and even take out the trash when needed.” He gave them all a too toothy smile before continuing. “Now all we need to do is find some who can create a song along with musical accompany along with a dance number in less than an hour.” Frustrated sounds erupted around the cubicles.

“Do you know how hard it is to find someone with that ability?”

“What about Phineas and the Ferb-tones?” A voice asked.

“Too busy with school.” Mr. Block answered. “The Tyrantions specifically came to Earth to personally witness an original impromptu song.”

“Eh, shouldn’t be too hard.” Dakota shrugged wincing in pain. His body wasn’t one hundred percent yet it seemed. Several co-workers turned to glare at him.

“Oh, what do you know?” One of the secretaries snapped.

“It’s easy. Just pick a tune and go with it.” Dakota then made a little jingle about filing paperwork to prove his point.

“Excellent. We have our volunteer.” Mr. Block’s voice cut out above the chatter.

“Say what now?” Dakota realized the whole office was now staring at him, even going so far as to move aside giving Mr. Block an unobstructed view of him.

“Come along Dakota we have a lot of do and very little time to do it in.” The man had stridden over to grip the heavier set man by the arm.

“I’ll just be borrowing him for a minute.” Mr. Block gave Cavendish a wink before dragging Dakota off. Co-workers casually went back to work around him as Cavendish stood dumbfounded in the middle of the office.

Without a proper desk to work at Cavendish sat in the corner of the break room filling out paperwork about the type of garbage they picked up. Sitting in front of him was Dakota’s medicine he was supposed to take for the next few weeks. Realizing his partner would neglect his health he had already gone to the liberty of setting alarms on his phone. The only television in the room was always set to “Milky Way’s Great Hits”. Earth’s greatest contribution to the universe was music. In an effort to keep the planet safe P. I. G. broadcasted music to try and show the universe that Earth was a planet worth preserving. Sometimes it didn’t work but overall it was a pretty effective system.

There was a burst of static as the screen turned from casual elevator music (I’m Lindana, and I wanna have fun) to Dakota staring wide-eyed holding a microphone. Ignoring his two-day late paperwork Cavendish turned his attention to the screen. Off-screen someone caught his attention signaling he was on the air. Dakota took a deep breath.

Still dressed in his orange tracksuit he launched into a song about some of their time travel escapades. The chorus caused Cavendish to straighten up slightly.

‘I would do it all again for you.’

Hoping against hope he wanted that line to be about him. Realizing how presumptuous he was being he looked back down at his report.

“Amazing isn’t he?” Bob Block asked causing the taller man to jump. Leaning on his elbows to cradle his chin him his palms his boss gave his normal toothy smile.

“Sir?”

Tilting his head his boss kept talking. “If this performance goes well Vinnie Dakota will be in high demand.” The man gave a pause to look back at Cavendish. “Which means he’ll be too busy to do his normal job.”

Cavendish swallowed hard. Whether he knew it or not Dakota was going to be a pop star. The pen in his left hand creaked against his grip.

“Of course.” Was all he managed to say. He was going to live in a van by himself now. The only thing keeping him even remotely sane was going to leave him. Some would argue that he could follow Dakota.

Back when he was a concert pianist he saw firsthand the sort of person who rode the tailcoats of others. He refused to be that person. Dakota belted out the final chorus (‘I would do it all again for you.’ ). Noticing his partner was almost hyperventilating Cavendish grabbed the medicine. Taking two steps one of the other people watching gave a yell.

Noticing everyone was staring in horror at the screen. On-screen Dakota was being pulled into space ship all the while protesting.

“DAKOTA!” Cavendish yelled as his friend disappeared into the space ship. The hatch door closed before shooting off towards the stars.

#dakavendish #vinnie dakota #balthazar cavendish #milo murphy's law #wtf is wrong with me

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fly-pow-bye · 5 years

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Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Hustlecup” (with Captain B.Z.!)

Written by: Jake Goldman

Written & Storyboarded by: Kyle Neswald, Jaydeep Hasrajani

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Hate & basketball.

Before we begin this review, for the first time ever, I have a special guest! Yes, Fly Pow Bye has mostly been about my opinions and mine alone. Please welcome, Captain B.Z.!

Captain B.Z.: Hello, I’m Captain B. Z.! A few of you might know me as the person who archives old Cartoon Network VHS recordings and ads to YouTube but I’m always willing to give shows new and old a chance.

While I initially wasn’t a fan of PPG 2016, I grew to find it an average show around the second season and have found things to like about it, including the Bliss arc and the attempts by the writers to slowly incorporate more action. However, PPG 2016 still isn’t without its problems, as evidenced by today’s episode.

We definitely have a very similar viewpoint; I do admit that the show has gotten better over since those early episodes. This episode, however, might not be the best indicator of that. Let's see if this episode is on fire, or if it should be lit on fire.

The episode starts with electricity flowing through a bunch of tubes...which powers a lightbulb which illuminates the room the Powerpuff Girls and the Professor are in.

Captain B.Z.: Now, I’ll admit that I really like the shot at the start where it shows what’s powering up the mysterious invention - a green light. It’s completely unnecessary and doesn’t apply to anything, but it’s a nice way to start off the episode that doesn’t rely on a Family Guy TV show cutaway gag.

That opened my eyes a little. This mysterious invention is so mysterious, that each Powerpuff Girl repeating that it's so secret. What could it possibly be? How it passes through those circular tubes, and, as mentioned, how it is a green light, could be a hint at what it will be.

Captain B.Z.: Foreshadowing! It’s not just blatantly obvious anymore!

It turns out to be a new hat with a traffic light on it, called the traffic hat. The Powerpuff Girls are disappointed at first, as emphasized by a sad trumpet. Seems to be the running theme with the Professor's inventions. The Professor is ecstatic about it, saying it will be the #1 at the Science-Palooza. Blossom is confused how this hat could possibly win anything, but the Professor tells Blossom that it's not just any hat.

He tells Bubbles to throw this plate of spaghetti at Buttercup. Bubbles immediately does it before the Professor can say "when I say go", which ends up with Buttercup getting a plate full of spaghetti. I'll admit, I actually chuckled at this gag; it's all in the timing.

Captain B.Z.: Plus the fact that it’s freaking "scientific-grade" pasta. The Professor cares more about which type of pasta he gets than his own children.

How fitting. The Professor then pulls out another plate of scientific-grade pasta, and Buttercup tries to get her revenge. The Professor then yells "yellow light", and the pasta starts moving in slow motion, and then a "red light", stopping it in mid-air. Buttercup moves right in front of the pasta to look at this closely, and one can guess what happens next.

Granted, it's not that Buttercup wouldn't deserve what came to her. Despite being a victim of two different spaghetti related incidents thanks to this hat, Buttercup is very excited to use his hat for nefarious purposes. Specifically, she wants to freeze Jennifre's face when she sneezes so she'll look ridiculous. She demonstrates by making this face. Not among of the worst face gags this show has to offer, but it could have been made a little bit better.

That would be a good start.

Captain B.Z.: The face gags have their place and time, in my opinion. Plenty of shows have done really good jokes involving facial expressions, including fellow Cartoon Network series OK KO.

However, in order to make a face gag work, you have to time it just right and not have it be on screen for too long at the risk of being annoying. This is an example of a face gag I didn’t particularly find funny, but I can appreciate that it gets a callback later.

Buttercup has to promise the Professor not to take the hat to school, which she does oblige by...

...but he never said anything about taking it to the park to cause that sweet, sweet mischief! It starts with a little scene with Barry.

Captain B.Z.: Barry’s scene was one of the few redeeming factors of this episode. Partly because it was legitimately funny, and partly because we get to see Barry get injured. Shame it couldn’t have been the Professor in this situation, but we’ll get to that later.

She eventually does what she promised to do to Jennifre by red lighting her as soon as she sneezes. Jennifre was making fun of her hat, so Buttercup's actions are justified. As mentioned before, this does give more of a point to that Buttercup face from before. The other kids start to chant her name for causing all of this torment on people that aren't them, and she catches the attention of one guy who appears to be far older.

It turns out, the Gangreen Gang were hanging out at a nearby basketball court watching all of these time-stopping shenanigans unfold. Sorry to say, all of your headcanons on how Ace left this reboot to hang out with the Gorillaz are now wrong. It was my headcanon, too. They see Buttercup singing the theme song, except she says "I got the power". As much as it's supposed to exemplify Buttercup's selfishness, that's not too inaccurate.

Ace decides to challenge Buttercup to a game of Horse. If one doesn't know how the game works, Ace explains it via a scene that looks like a cross between a diagram and one of those Tiger LCD games from the 90s.

Ace: If I make a shot, you gotta copy it. If you miss the shot, you get a letter. First to spell "horse" is the loser.

Notice how he doesn't explain what happens if Buttercup actually makes the shot. It could be that he's pretty confident, but it's a big hint on how good these "horse" scenes are going to be. They decide to make a wager, if Ace wins, he gets the "doo-hickey" on her head. If Buttercup wins, she gets...

...Ace's prized scooter! What would a 6 year old girl do with a scooter? I don't even think her hands would be able to reach the handlebars! Besides, she saw Ace miss one shot, which either means he's terrible at it, or he's just acting like he's bad at basketball to lure in the mark. Buttercup assumes it's the former.

Captain B.Z.: I’d complain about how Ace has a scooter in this episode and this episode only, but there are far more concerning matters that apply to this episode’s character development, so I won’t.

...damn it, I just did it, didn’t I?

The game begins, and right from Buttercup nervousness from Ace's first shot, one can guess this is not going to end well for her. It should be noted that the very first short this reboot ever had focused on Buttercup not being able to make a "downtown" shot into a wastebasket, so it's interesting to see three seasons later that her skill hasn't changed.

Captain B.Z.: I’m debating whether or not the writers even remembered that short while writing this episode, though. If it was an intentional nod, good for them, although I’m surprised it came this late in the series’ run, when many people had began to ignore the series.

Yes, it's probably a coincidence, but a nice one nonetheless. There's no funny business, Ace manages to perfectly shoot 5 hoops in different ways, some ways so different that they didn't even bother to animate them, and Buttercup's vain attempts to copy them only adding more letters to the LCD game-esque scoreboard. In the end, Ace doesn't get a single letter, and Buttercup gets h...

Mr. Ed impression: You got hooooorse!

GYAH! What is that thing?!

Captain B.Z.: Isn’t it obvious? It’s another uphill roller coaster! It doesn’t lead anywhere and is just there to remind you that this show is a comedy. Even though there’s no punchline to this joke whatsoever.

Wait, this show is a comedy? That horse made me think this was a horror show.

After that...thing, the Gangreen Gang take their scooter home, Ace taking the "doo-hickey" with him. Back at the Powerpuff home, Blossom tells Buttercup that losing the hat was the most irresponsible thing she has ever done!

Well, except for that one time where she joined the Prune-A-Cycling Club. Get it, because pruning would be so hard if you were on a unicycle! Really, this feels like another uphill roller coaster gag, though it is one that only shows up twice. If only other gags got that honor. Also, Blossom and Bubbles joined it too, so it's not like it's just Buttercup's fault.

The Professor barges into the room, so excited about the upcoming Science-Palooza. He can't decide which shade of white lab coat he wants to bring! It's an okay gag based on how his outfit is usually the same, though that might be by comparison. He decides not to question where the hat is, and assumes Buttercup is taking good care of it.

None of the Powerpuff Girls had the heart to tell him the truth, so they decide to confront the Gangreen Gang as a group. They got to "mop up Buttercup's mess", in Blossom's words, said in a way that makes me think even Blossom is getting tired of these kinds of plots.

After a surprising cameo appearance by the pizza guy from the Small World special, the Gangreen Gang gets confronted by the girls. Bubbles said she thought she smelled a rat, because they had a joke about Grubber using a rat as deodorant, and they didn't want to just leave it in the pile.

Like a true hero, Blossom outright threatens him to give back the hat, or he will get hurt. Ace did say he won it fair and square, and those couple of misses to lure Buttercup into a false sense of security were just "a couple of misses". He decides, as the "gentleman" he is, he does another wager on a game of horse. If Blossom wins, she gets the hat. If she loses, Ace gets Blossom's favorite protractor and one of Bubbles' pigtails. The latter was specially requested by Ace, by the way. We will see how, we won't see why. Maybe that's a blessing.

So get this, Blossom is going to use her knowledge of math to enhance her game. Yeah, because Blossom is smart, she has to be, say, the mathlete of the group. It seems to make so much sense, I mean, it’s not like we’re supposed to believe that Buttercup is the mathlete! Yeah, that's what I'll go with, because anything else would be silly. This would have worked, too, but the Gangreen Gang decide do something even worse than pretending to be bad at basketball.

They decides to outright cheat by moving the basket and blocking the perfectly made shots. At least this time, we actually see five different ways they do that. One oddity is that none of these ways involve the time-stopping hat; in fact, Ace never actually uses it in any of the games. He's far from playing with honor at this point, he might as well use it.

Since there's nothing in the Gangreen Gang's rulebook that states they can't have the other members block the shots, though I highly doubt they even had one in the first place, Blossom is the next one to get...

Mr. Ed impression: Hoooorse!

GYAH! Yeah, repetition is not doing this gag any favors. In fact, I'd argue it's not doing anyone any favors.

Ace grabs the ponytail, twisting it off like a loose nail. They also take Angel-gelica. Yes, the protractor has a name, because Blossom is the nerd character that loves math. This doesn't nearly impact Blossom's looks, but is treated as just as important to her. They could have taken her bow, her hairclip, or even her ponytail. It seems to fit Ace's odd obsession with stealing other people's hair in this episode.

The Powerpuff Girls now decide that violence is the answer, threatening to crush their bones with half of a basketball court. Kind of an overreaction, I'd say, but one thing I can appreciate is that this is the only time they get to use any kind of superpower besides flight in this episode. It is sad that we need these reminders.

Ace decides then and here that the hat would come in handy, and says "red light". This makes the Powerpuff Girls and the basketball court float perfectly still in mid-air. They probably didn't even need the hat, that seems to be their usual strategy anyway.

This leads to a psychedelic slideshow beatdown, with the red-lighted Puffs getting licked both figuratively and literally. It's here that we learn what exactly what the hat brings to the plot: the ability to make a scene where superpowered girls getting beaten up by regular thugs more believable. Well, that, and a way for Buttercup to do something wrong, get in trouble, and learn a lesson that she would probably forget by the next episode anyway

Once Ace says "green light" on the court, Buttercup suffers something worse than losing at a basketball game...

...getting scolded by her father figure for the second most irresponsible thing she has ever done. A good hint on how good that pruning gag is: they don't even give it a proper background for the second time.

He decides to help the girls out, and go to the "basketball fields". Oh, silly Professor, that's not what basketball courts are called! Man, this guy must not know sports at all! However, he's sure that he can just talk to the Gangreen Gang like civilized adults, and they'll happily just hand over the hair, the protractor, and maybe even that time-stopping hat!

At the basketball court, somehow completely undamaged from the Powerpuff Girls' post-loss and somewhat-justified temper tantrum, we see that, needless to say, that civilized adults strategy did not work. As the gang is laughing at this dork, Ace offers another game of horse. Ace really needs another pigtail. Again, we see how, won't see why, maybe it's a blessing.

The Professor doesn't take it at first, because, in his words:

Professor: I'm not about to bet on a game I've never played before!

Lil' Arturo calls him a chicken like a 90's bully, and that's enough for him to change his mind. How hard could it be, you just put the ball in the hoop thingy, and he makes a practice shot by just launching the ball straight into the air. I am summarizing this because I want to point out that he is really trying to show off that he is just not good at sports. However, he's going to do it anyway.

The conclusion was so obvious, the episode just presses the fast forward button. We instantly see the Professor getting each letter. We don't even know if the Gangreen Gang decided to cheat here, it's just H, O, R, S, E, with the Professor's face zooming in with each one. In just a few seconds, the Professor gets...

Mr. Ed impression: Hoooorse!

Yeah, yeah, we get it, you stock image abomination. By the third time, I'm just rolling my eyes in disgust.

Bubbles loses her last pigtail, and all hope seems to be lost. Left with nothing else to wager, the Professor challenges him again, this time putting their residence on the line for everything Ace has taken, plus his scooter. The Powerpuff Girls object, but the Professor is so assuring by saying they always wanted to travel. I mean, what's the worst that can happen if the Powerpuff Girls leave Townsville?

Dispaired Citizens: Why'd you leave us, Powerpuff Girls?

Oh yeah, that. Okay, that was the original, but I'd imagine something very similar would happen here, too. But Townsville can go to heck for all he cares, he wants that hat back, no matter what the risk is!

The Professor looks at the basket, sweating profusely. How are they possibly going to beat Ace at his own game? He makes a desperate attempt to copy Ace's shot...

...and he makes the shot perfectly. He then tears off his shirt, revealing his hairy, hairy abs, and says that he's still got it. Wait, what? This comes completely out of nowhere; one minute, he's incompetent at sports, and then, snap, he's good at basketball now. But hey...he has a pi symbol on his shirt! That's nerdy!

"When did the Professor suddenly get good?" isn't even the only question I have about this scene. If the Professor was really trying to "hustle" these green gangsters by pretending he was bad at sports, why did he let them win the first time? Also, no matter suddenly how skilled the Professor is now, wouldn't the Gangreen Gang just cheat some more?

They at least explained that last one. The Powerpuff Girls decided not to just sit back and let the other members cheat, and tied them up with ordinary rope while Ace was too busy focusing on the Professor's sick moves. They could have did this when Blossom was getting horsed, but then the episode would have ended too early.

With the other members tied up, the Professor's unexplained sudden skill increase, and Ace never realizing he could just use his hat, Ace finally gets...

...

...gets...

...

...so now the reboot decides not to do the "horse" joke? Honestly, this ending is bad enough already, you might as well go for the Full Monty and give us that forsaken furlong-runner! Maybe that horse got disqualified.

Blossom gets her beloved ruler back, Bubbles gets her pigtails back, Buttercup gets grounded again, and the Professor now has a sweet scooter for him to take to the Science-Palooza. We never quite find out if his invention is a winner as the episode suddenly ends here...but this ending sure isn't one.

Captain B.Z.: So let’s talk about why this ending doesn’t work.

The Professor has had literally no experience at playing basketball in his life, neither in the original or this series. His initial plan is to talk to the Gangreen Gang sensibly but he does even worse than the girls. Then, he becomes ridiculously good out of freaking nowhere, throwing in another muscle “joke” for extra measure.

There is no buildup to this ending whatsoever due to the Professor being such a forgettable character in this episode. It's to the point where if the girls hadn’t told him that his hat was stolen, he wouldn’t have even cared.

Does the title fit?

It wasn't Buttercup doing the hustling. I honestly argue hustling was kind of forgotten halfway through!

How does it stack up?

It's such a shame that a major appearance from the Gangreen Gang that doesn't involve them just dressing in drag for a talent show is in such a lousy episode.

Captain B.Z.: Hustlecup is an episode that suffers in many different ways, from a story that isn’t well-defined to plenty of out-of-character moments - more than average for the reboot. While I don’t mind these errors if they’re just a small part of the episode, here, they get in the way of any merit the episode might have had and make it a truly frustrating watch.

Indeed. There are other variations of H-O-R-S-E with less letters, but even if this episode was playing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, it would still lose.

Captain B.Z.: As I mentioned earlier in the review, this episode did provide some interesting concepts. The idea of a traffic light hat that actually slows down time is pretty neat but the writers did nothing with it. I’m surprised we didn’t get another episode like “Lights Out!” where we get to see Bubbles figure out how the hat works when the Gangreen Gang steals it and messes with Townsville traffic. Sadly though, the Professor being an asshole and Mr. Ed jokes had higher priority to the writers, making this episode fall apart instantly.

Next, another episode focusing on everyone's favorite Sitcom Dad, if we discount all the other Sitcom Dads. Special thanks to Captain B.Z. for joining me with this one.

← Cat Burglar ☆ Rebel Rebel →

#fpb ppg 2016 #ppg 2016 #powerpuff girls #cartoon network #fpb reviews

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scarlettlawyer · 5 years

Text

Part 12 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages Saga, the fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Vanquishing Mirages / Lifting Spirits: Part 10

Lifting Spirits: Part 11

We are rapidly hurtling towards the end. Or… the “end”.

--------

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 12

A single line into this chapter and it had already one-hit-killed me (IN A GOOD WAY). What.

Ohhh my weakness, my weakness…!

THIS SONG?? HIM? THIS SONG???

I have such happy and important memories attached to this song, it’s not just a case of “oh it’s upbeat and I like it” for me, it goes pretty deep. I’m BARELY into reading this chapter and was already put into an unbelievably good mood on the power of the song alone and the memories I have attached to it, let alone everything else about the fact that he is the one who is listeni – ohhhhh going straight for my weaknesses aren’t we.

I’ve gone over being so very happy that he has the ability to listen to music and enjoy it before but you went right ahead and, this was a whole other level, suddenly.

He can pick up & enjoy the happy vibes of this song, aaaah…!

He is listening to Wham! on repeat and no matter what you do, no takebacks, I’m cherishing this for FOREVER. XD

IT’S SO GREAT AND SO AMUSING BECAUSE IT’S H

“You take the grey skies out of my way! You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day! Turned a bright spark into a flame-”

He was going to die. He knew he was going to die.

Honestly GREAT work here with the mood contrast, but I was too busy being blown away/happy and amused by the song situation and shocked that the narrative just did this xDDD like I picked up on this mood whiplash and was like “um whoa” but it kinda passed like a blip when it came to my absorption of this scene/overall mood ahahaha.

Truly though, what excellent contrast going on here simultaneously wherein the reader is drawn into reading of these two threads of such different emotional resonance at the same tiiiime.

And it’s scenes like this where he’s doing stuff like, you know, just sitting and listening to music and the PORTRAYAL and I’m just sitting here like oh my g… s-stop encouraging me… please stop encouraging me… “I’M BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A PHANTOM FAN I REALLY SHOULDN’T BE ENCOURAGED LIKE THIS..!” sdkjnsdnklsd …The rest of this chapter refuses to stop said encouraging. :P

”If, through some miracle, they’ll grant me leniency, I think I’ll spend the rest of my life tucked away in some quiet little corner. That’s the best way for me to stay out of trouble, isn’t it?”

But the image this gave me was so absurd it refused to stick and just bounced right off. That’s just – no, nah, that’s not how this works, you know? There is no good ending. That’s impossible. It’s execution or prison and that’s that. And I was still advocating for execution. Welp. This statement took me off guard and there was this moment of… A sense of… Something. Before I dismissed it. Before it got lost again amidst the other things as I read on.

“One might argue that trouble has a way of hunting some people down.”

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 13

Phoenix Wright would be taking the defense again, as it was just as the Luster trial;

“wait wait wait WHAT – PHOENIX WRIGHT IS DEFENDING? PHOENIX WRIGHT?”

This info is just CASUALLY dropped in this “oh yknow just like with the Luster trial” manner - NO??? THE LUSTER TRIAL WAS A PURE PLOY TO CAPTURE MIRAGE AND THE PHANTOM BEING THE DEFENDANT WAS JUST, BAIT. AND HE WAS ACTUALLY INNOCENT OF THAT SPECIFIC CRIME IN QUESTION AND THE VERDICT ULTIMATELY HADN’T MATTERED ANYWAY AND? IT WAS ALREADY KINDA WILD TO SEE PHOENIX ACTUALLY BEING THE PHANTOM’S DEFENSE ATTORNEY EVEN BACK THEN AND AND AND…!

It’s NOT like the Luster trial it’s VERY different.

Phoenix Wright taking on the defense of Alexander Luster Jr’s case IMMEDIATELY implies a couple of things. Since Phoenix Wright is the posterboy of the entire Ace Attorney franchise, and he has won ALMOST every case he has taken and in each and every one of those scenarios where he won the case, he has indisputably been on the side of good and the side of right and- and he, as a rule, always tends to side with what is right and what is just. He is always ALWAYS striving to be on the side of justice. AND HE IS NOW ALEXANDER LUSTER JR’S DEFENSE ATTORNEY…

The dynamic of the games alone, the Ace Attorney Specific Tropes™ instantly then marks whoever’s side Phoenix is on tends to be a) The Right, Good Side & b) The Winning Side, applying both to the defense of Lex here. That’s what this tells us. That’s what it tells me. Told me. The narrative is directly reaching over and saying “Phoenix is advocating for him, and therefore this is the team you SHOULD be on. This is the team you should be cheering for”. And given Phoenix’s track record, the chances of him losing this are very, very slim.

And I was kind of sitting there like “Hello??? Excuse me?”. The narrative seemed to almost have this… assumption that we should be… Automatically accepting of this. That somehow, we should uncritically want Phoenix to win this trial and for Lex to win his lenience. By bringing Phoenix into this that’s kinda what it appears to definitively tilt the direction in. And I, with a years-old grudge against a character in an ENTIRELY different story written by an entirely different person*, and had been stubborn & adamant from the very beginning that the phantom NEEDED to face execution at any cost when the notion of rehabilitation was raised, was NOT buying it. I was not buying this. The narrative felt like it was making an assumption about the audience’s predisposition – about the audience’s wishes - that still did not apply to me.

*TttP is, for the record, not the only reason I felt the way I did at this point in the narrative. I’ll get into some of the other things fuelling my feelings on the matter a little later. But heh, yeaahhhhh.

Because like, you have characters like Bobby and Athena who are already fully established Lex-supporters, which is totally fine, but Phoenix has barely been in this and we’ve had no scenes at all with him interacting with Lex – there’s been no set-up of “Phoenix wants to advocate for Lex” – we are simply informed of this matter-of-factly, which implies “of COURSE Phoenix would take on Lex’s defense, it’s so OBVIOUS that it’s the right thing to do.” And I was like “oh so we’re doing away with subtlety somewhat on this front regarding the narrative’s agenda?” sdjsdbks. (I MEAN. LEX’S PORTRAYAL AND HOW WE’RE MEANT TO FEEL ABOUT LEX IS NOT SUBTLE AND I ADORE(D) THIS FIC FOR IT, but this was still different – a different angle as it is beginning to tackle the notion of rehabilitation/redemption/leniency head-on. The former was all fun and games but the moment the latter got raised I was immediately in a battle stance).

[Me, pulling up my sleeves: “oh so this is how you wanna play this huh. Bringing in the Big Guns with Phoenix being on his side- you talk a big game but see, not sure if you’re gonna be able to back this up buddy. Biting off more than we can chew, it looks to me.”]

Okay and the other reaction I had to this casual mention of “oh btw Phoenix is gonna be defending Lex”? IT WAS REALLY FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS THIS SUDDEN JARRING MOMENT WHERE IT WAS LIKE OH, THIS IS ACE ATTORNEY FANFICTION. Okay I want to make this clear – I never at any point “forgot” this was Ace Attorney fanfic, of course. But like. This whole 4th fic so far has been focusing on Lex – now so far removed from the counterpart we see in canon, and Benny, an OC altogether, has also been so prominent and under focus. You of course, still have characters like Bobby and Simon but, see, at this point, this is the fourth instalment of the series, and we’ve been with these characters for so long now. We’ve been spending so much time with them that – these characters – the canon characters that were getting all the focus at this point were just about all VERY removed from the centre of the ace attorney series. It feels so very, very tucked away in this – such a niche little corner of the ace attorney universe with some very specific characters interacting and driving the plot forward, and having spent so much time with them independent of the rest of the ace attorney cast it’s really felt like they’ve well and truly taken on a life of their own that’s attached to this series specifically. Reading so much about “OC”s like Benny and Lex (because in AA canon there is no “Lex”!) and everything and then all of a sudden casually throwing the central character of all of the mainline ace attorney games casually back into the plot like this felt jarring in the best possible way. It was just like “oh, RIGHT. Phoenix. He actually EXISTS in this world. He’s still around, I mean, obviously. This is Ace Attorney Land. Oh my god. In spite of everything – in how much EVERYTHING has evolved and separated itself from and focused on this one tiny little realm of ace attorney characters and canon… he’s still around and can actually get involved in the plot like this. That’s so wild.” LIKE. I MEAN. It well and truly felt like Phoenix Wright was from A Different Universe, so independent and separate from a world where Lex, Benny, Alive & Post-Randy Bobby, and even Blackquill (after how much this fic has focused on him and a specific interpretation of his character) exist. Honestly to even think that Phoenix Wright and Alexander Luster Jr actually exist in the same canon fic verse… whoa.

“The fate of execution does not necessarily mean perfection. If leniency is deserved, leniency is what the prosecution is meant to support,” Simon found himself arguing despite his better judgment.

Me: “SIMONNNNN NOT YOU TOOOOO”

Me at this, on top of the whole Phoenix Wright Defending thing: [resigned, frustrated sigh] “You’re not gonna kill him, are you, Author? You’re not gonna go through with it and kill him off, are you?? I told you like two fics ago to KILL HIM.”

I was a) a phantom fangirl & had been for years (of course) b) “Lex is great how can you not love Lex?” c) Uh… still actively advocating for his execution d) NOT pleased that it looked like said execution was not gonna be followed through on by the narrative.

Okay, but this line from Simon was also frustrating for another reason: it engages with real-life morality, just as Benny’s assessment that Lex being “taken out back and shot” is not something that he feels is “the right thing to do” does.

I was sitting in an ever-so-simplistic corner and not critically engaging with how the ace attorney universe’s punishment system actually functions. The death sentence, as we all know, is so very prominent in this universe. If you kill someone, you die, them’s the breaks it seems. That’s the universe’s rule so that’s the rule we go with, right? Only taking this universe’s criminal justice & punishment system & morality into account, it was So Very Easy for me to sit there and fiercely be all, “the Phantom killed people, and even if he can feel things now, that won’t bring those people back, therefore he gets executed because THAT is justice according to the laws of this universe and justice won’t be served until that’s carried out.” This simplistic stance bypasses entirely any questioning or attempt to consider the actual “justice” of such a system, and flatly refuses to even question the ethics of capital punishment – a topic that can be so very controversial IRL.

It was frustrating to me personally because the narrative seemed to be bringing real life morality into this. In real life, so very many places have abolished capital punishment altogether. It’s a lot harder to flatly argue that Lex should be executed when considering that, realistically speaking, rehabilitation is the far more desirable option and if at all possible should probably be strived for in real world scenarios.

I was arguing for execution on the basis of Ace Attorney Morality and the narrative was retaliating with a taste of Real World Morality which gave me pause. I was so steadfast and convinced of my stance that to have it momentarily shaken like this was exasperating, because “no see, I know I’m right, see, I have to be right, because the alternative is just too far out of reach. It’s too absurd, it’s a pipedream… The phantom was just that sucky that even applying IRL morality… I must be right… right? Yeah. Anything else is just unrealistic. It can’t be done.” I shook it off, and ploughed onwards with my stance.

Leniency from the court system didn’t mean there would be leniency from those outside the courts. With so many people out for the Phantom’s head, there was no telling how fast any sentence that wasn’t the death penalty would lead to a furious rebellion. There was no telling how fast someone might attempt to hunt down Alexander and finish the job that the executioner was deprived from.

“Whoa, very good point. Okay, so maybe there’s a chance he’ll get executed after all since not getting executed is not necessarily being shown as the “better option” in this regard by the narrative. There’s still hope for an execution yet. A nice, clean execution if the alternative isn’t being portrayed uncritically as the “best” option.”

Simon wondered vaguely if he should apologize for all the times he’d thrown a blade at the defense or sent Taka their way. Ultimately, he decided against it.

Sdkjdskj

The scene with Bobby and Palaeno just before the trial begins… How worried Bobby is and how much he truly cares for Lex… It’s just not a joke anymore. It hasn’t been a joke for quite some time. It’s being played completely straight. There’s just nothing to even really laugh at or be amused by here?

Back in Haunted Specters a lot of Bobby’s behaviour towards/concerns for the phantom can largely be written off as Rule of Funny and also accepted BECAUSE of its intentionally surrealist nature & impression it leaves the audience. I readily accepted it because it slots into the character dynamic(s) role and set-up crafted by the story so perfectly, and it’s so much fun.

I, of course, could see the direction Simon and Bobby’s behaviour was heading towards… Yes, they were getting too attached for their own good, to the point where things would become painful. I knew it was coming and I accepted that and, in fact, I was READY for it.

But Lex.

What I did not foresee was the huge, HUGE transformation that took place. Lex changes everything. It changes the dynamic that is subsequently involved. It negates anything about Bobby’s behaviour being “kinda funny in a misguided way”. The existence of Lex changes it dramatically from “haha funny & surreal behaviour from Bobby” to just plain “Bobby is very invested in this man and very worried for him” and there’s nothing funny about it. We just feel plain bad for Bobby and that’s it. I’ve focused on Bobby pretty exclusively here because he’s the one whose narrative thread we’ve been following the most in this particular regard, but. There are many characters (like Palaeno) who care about Lex, and it’s played straight.

It is a scenario that can very much be pulled off and played straight with the emotionless phantom, but Lex’s whole existence throws an unexpected curveball in HOW the situation is played straight and the subsequent impact had on the audience.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 14

“Quite a long list of murders, several attempted murders, grand theft identity and all the crimes that accompany such a thing, terrorism, vandalism, assault, perjury in a court of law, selling government secrets… To name only a few.”

“And the defense’s assertion?”

“The defense’s assertion is that every single one of those crimes was committed by the Phantom- WAAGH!” Phoenix broke off into a terrified holler when Von Karma snapped her whip at him.

SDJBDKJSDJK perfect.

Volent smiled, his kindly demeanor at odds with his rather arrogant response. “Instability, Your Honor. The concept is exactly what it implies- the defendant’s emotional state is not stable. To put it in layman’s terms, he suffers from severe mood swings. I couldn’t uncover enough symptoms that would allow a full diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, yet I would daresay that further therapy might’ve confirmed such a thing. … It wasn’t my job to diagnose any sort of disorders either way.”

Whoa WHOAAA SPECULATION OF A REAL-LIFE DIAGNOSIS…!

This was SO good to see. I really REALLY liked – no, LOVED this a lot. It was just like, of course, of COURSE…! It’s not just cartoonish “hehe look at how emotional he is!” THERE PROBABLY WOULD BE AT LEAST SOME LEVEL OF CONNECTION THAT COULD BE TRACED TO REAL-LIFE DISORDERS…! I don’t know how to express how cool I found this kind of connecting-it-to-real-life to be and introducing mention of a REAL-LIFE disorder.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 15

Benny taking his testimony and turning everything around on its head was SO awesome. So very awesome. Only reason I’m not elaborating is that I have so very much to cover in this post…!

Simon’s. Testimony. My god, Simon’s testimony. I KNEW it was coming but ohhhhhh wow…! I’m still in awe, dude.

“Did you hear, mommy? It must be true love!”

OKAY YEAH OKAY THANKS FOR HAVING WACKED ME IN THE FACE WITH THIS LITTLE REMINDER WHEN I WAS STILL LICKING MY PHANTOMQUILL WOUNDS DFKJSDKLSDNS

BUT ALSO I REALLY LOVED THIS LINE LOL CAUSE LIKE? There’s a kid out there in this fic’s universe who canonically ships phantomquill. But it’s more than that it’s like!!! Phantomquill as a ship is definitely grouped in some of the LEAST kid-friendly ships I know. When I think about phantomquill the LAST thing I think about is a kid being aware of it let alone shipping it – it’s such an interesting juxtaposition to have (presumably) a child, given the information they’ve been presented with, immediately go “Oh True Love!” about what is, in standard practice, an unbelievably dark, twisted and angsty ship.

But in any case, it was around this point that I just kind of started thinking to myself “Oh my god… Oh my god… The author is actually gunning for this, she’s ACTUALLY gunning for a full second chance for him, THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN. BUT WHAT’S EVEN CRAZIER IS THAT SHE ACTUALLY APPEARS TO BE PULLING IT OFF.”

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 16

Crack! Franziska cut him off with a quick snap of the whip. “You must pay due respect to Cohdopian court regulations, Your Honor! This trial has an international nature, thus we can apply international rules. The defendant has recently regained his Cohdopian nationality and this method of questioning is a common occurrence in his home country’s court of law.”

This is ABSOLUTELY allowed, I’m not even gonna attempt to dispute it. Rule Of Drama is in full effect here and I LOVE it, it has my full support.

“Now then, witness. My first question,” Franziska leaned forward, resting one arm on her bench. She was watching Athena with a smug grin on her face. “Do you think the image of your mother’s corpse will ever be erased from your mind?”

OHHH MY GOD. I am… here for the brutality of this direct approach. It’s… necessary.

Lex had turned a few shades paler in a matter of ten seconds.

GET READY LEX. GET READY LEX. Strap in buddy. You WILL sit there and you WILL suffer. You are fantastic and amazing and my favourite character but :^) you’re on your own here.

Franziska shook her head in exasperation. “Tsk tsk. Very well then… Witness, is it true that the defendant took you hostage after he escaped from the federal prison in February?”

As we know, Chasing Phantoms felt like a separate entity from the rest of this series to me, and I had been somewhat less engaged while reading it. This just made me go “oh my god… she’s right… that happened in this series too…!” YOU WERE NOT ONLY TRYING TO ULTIMATELY GIVE THIS MAN A SECOND CHANCE IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING HE’D DONE IN CANON, BUT HE HAS ACTIVELY DONE EVEN FURTHER TERRIBLE THINGS IN THE CANON OF YOUR STORY ON TOP OF ALL THAT. And you WEREN’T even shying away from acknowledging it either. You were shining a spotlight DIRECTLY on this fact as you ploughed forward against the incredible odds. AMAZING. You ALREADY had your work cut out for you and you had gone ahead and actually ADDED to that workload, you absolute madman, this was wild.

But not only this, you were, here, in this scene, drawing a direct link between Chasing Phantoms and Lifting Spirits, with their two such vastly different narrative landscapes. You are reaching out and reminding the audience - having the audience acknowledge the part of the story when the phantom was at his worst while showing us him, a changed person, at his best.

You’re not even trying to hide or gloss over a damn thing.

I don’t even know what to say about Phoenix’s cross-examination of Athena it’s just so good. So vivid. Like, I can picture it in my mind.

It was Lex who spoke up. It was Lex who pushed himself to his feet, his manacles producing a soft clanking sound as he did so.

Oh my gosh… Here it is…

This whole scene where he says thank you. It’s soooooo sappy but I don’t care, I don’t caaaaaaaare I LOVE IT IT’S PERFECT and I will eat it up I WILL eat this sentimentality up forevermore. I’d actually misremembered this scene as being complete with gratuitous tears and big, glistening eyes listen it’s over-the-top and I LOVE it being over-the-top. IF YOU’RE GONNA GO ALL OUT WHY NOT GO ALL OUT? And it DOES do just that SPECTATOR’S COOING I. I LOVE this goddamn series oh my GOSH.

I was so very stubbornly trying to work against my favourite character, but you brought your A-Game. You put in overtime for this character. it felt like WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DRAW A FLIPPIN’ HALO ABOVE HIS HEAD?! DSJNKSDKJNSDNKJ. So much of Lifting Spirits was me BEGGING you to stop encouraging me to such a ridiculous extent, to no avail.

And noooow it’s AURA TIME.

Enter: Aura Blackquill.

A smile flickered across Aura’s face, but it disappeared again the moment her eyes fell on Alexander. Even from such a great distance, Simon could see it: the raw hatred that was shimmering through. It was no wonder, really, that Alexander cowered in his seat. Most people would think to duck for cover if they were on the receiving end of such a terrifying glare.

OHHHH MY GOD… AHAHAHA… YES.

“I have quite a few things to say to that miserable excuse of a defendant,” Aura began, her tone of voice as venomous as the look on her face. “but such words aren’t befitting of a lady and it appears some clods thought to bring children to this courtroom, so I’ll keep that particular feat of vocabulary to myself.”

Alexander cowered even further. Surely, he understood just how much Aura hated him. Just how far she’d be willing to go to see him hanged. Having her here in the courtroom must’ve been agony on both ends, for Alexander feared for his life and Aura ached to end it.

OMG. GET HIM. MAKE. HIM. SQUIRM.

“What I will say is this. If this monster hopes to be human, he needs to understand that real humans don’t get second chances at life. Especially not those who rob others of their only chance. We live as flawed beings and we die as flawed beings- the size of the handicap makes little difference. Why should he deserve to go on while others don’t? The rules of life and death apply to everyone, no exceptions.”

What a horrific speech. Leave it to Aura to spew something like that.

“I MEAN… SHE… HAS A POINT… SHE RAISES A VERY GOOD POINT…”

The worst part was that from the corner of his eye, Simon could see Apollo Justice nodding.

HHHHHHHHHHHH

Aura slammed one of her hands down on the witness stand, her shackles clattering loudly as she did so. She was addressing Alexander directly, now. “I am not speaking only for myself, I’m speaking for everyone who’s lost someone dear because of you. I’m speaking for everyone who’s suffering because of you. Believe me, we are great in number. We will not forgive and we will not forget. You can’t run from us.”

Ohhhhhh GOOOOOOOSH I WAS 100% CHEERING HER ON DURING FIRST READTHROUGH OF THIS SCENE BUT I AM TERRIFIED OF WHAT TRACKING GHOSTS COULD ENTAIL PLEASE SEND HELP

Alexander shivered and hid his face behind his hands.

PLEASE I JUST. PLEASE. NO MORE. Look at him.

“Hm. No, I believe I’ve made up my mind. Taking all the testimony into account, it’s clear to me what needs to be done.”

The judge raised his gavel. This was it. The moment they’d been working toward. The moment they’d been working for. Alexander’s life hinged on these next words. Nobody dared to speak. Nobody dared to move. Bobby’s hand once again found Simon’s own. He squeezed it in return and glanced sideways to see that Ambassador Palaeno was crossing his fingers.

Me: [Shakes head ruefully] “Well, okay, very well. You did it, author. You earned this, well and truly. Go ahead. You can have this. You actually did it, I suppose. I can’t believe you did it, but you actually earned him his right to a happy ending. So… I won’t object. It’s all yours for the taking.”

I mean, the fact that the trial was ending just after AURA’S testimony was a little foreboding, but… It just wasn’t enough to balance out the rest of the trial and the tone of the entire fic. The verdict felt so clear, I mean, c’mon. C’mon. And the narrative slant, too. The narrative and the POV characters that we are following are so very biased in his favour. This IS what the entire fic had been building towards, and the entire fic had been so terribly biased towards him and the notion of salvation.

So I’m like [rolls eyes], “alriiiight, go ahead, if you must. Give the man his verdict of lenience like ya set out to do. I’m not complaining like I thought I would be. You win again. You set out to do this and I don’t know how, but it looks like you actually got there in the end. If you insist, then he doesn’t have to die after all. I accept that.”

”It pains me to conclude that rehabilitation and civil commitment are impossible in his case. That is why this court finds the defendant guilty and hereby sentences him to immediate execution.”

…Come again?

Um.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 17

They'd known from the start that there could be only one ending to the Phantom’s tale. They'd known, yet they struggle to accept the bitter disappointment that comes with it.

Execution… Immediate execution. How soon was immediate? Quite soon, apparently, as Lang gestured towards the Interpol escort.

WHAT THE F U D G E

They saluted and made to surround Alexander. To grab him and drag him from the courtroom. The spy jumped up from his chair and backed away in painfully apparent fright, but there was nowhere for him to run. The agents snatched him by the arms just like that. The spectators became even more agitated.

“IMMEDIATE” EXECUTION?! THAT’S… THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS THOUGH. That’s SO fishy. You can’t – you literally can’t just take someone out back and promptly shoot them IMMEDIATELY after a sentence is handed down… can you? THAT’S NOT HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK. THERE’S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, PROTOCOLS AND PAPERWORK TO BE FILLED OUT AND SCHEDULING TO BE DONE… DON’T tell me they’re just gonna – WAIT. JUST WAIT. HOLD ON NO YOU CAN’T JUST – NO.

At the very least, “immediate” execution seemed like it would be carried out a few days after the sentencing, not… like… ACTUALLY immediately. BUT THE STORY SEEMED TO BE PLAYING IT LIKE THIS.

Just because it felt unrealistic, unrealistic to the point it was fishy, didn’t mean the story couldn’t be about to implement just that, though.

Yet, even through the chaos, Phoenix Wright’s shouts were heard.

“OBJECTION! Your Honor! The defense…-! The defense would like to cross-examine the last witness after all! Your Honor!”

But the judge was already getting to his feet. He was preparing to leave the trial behind. That was only natural. The verdict had been delivered and once that was done, no one could change it.

This is the bad end. This is the game over. God DAMMIT Phoenix you should have LEARNED by now that if given the option to further question the witness or not, you ALWAYS take it lest you choose not to and get an immediate game over. Okay. You need to listen to me. You DID save right before Aura gave testimony, right? So you need to press the start button and reload at an earlier save point and then when given the option to PRESS you- sdkjdflndslksdkj

“Lex!” Athena rushed out from behind the defense’s bench to block the group of Interpol agents. To stop them from dragging a struggling spy out the back door, towards the prosecutors lobby.

YES ATHENA SAVE HIM. SAVE HIM.

It didn’t do much good; there were five of them and only one of her. She was shoved aside as if she wasn’t even truly there.

AAAAAAAAAH

Alexander… He was attempting to fight back like a madman now. Perhaps he was a madman. He was digging his heels into the ground, moving every which way to try and slip through a crack in Interpol’s escort, yet their hold on him was too great. He was screaming, he was shrieking. […]

He would be taken away to be killed. A fate he’d accepted for himself a few months ago, yet things had changed. His desire to live had grown too great.

NO NO NO NOOOOOO. NO!

Phoenix Wright stood motionless by his bench, head buried in his hands.

The miracle never happen.

“I can’t. I have to… I have to see Lex,” Bobby insisted once more.

“No. Last will and testament need to be compiled and you would only get in the way. We’re taking the Phantom to be executed the moment all the final arrangements are done.”

THAT’S SO MESSED UP. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! THAT IS SO MESSED UP. “LEX. IS LEX IN THERE? IN THE ROOM? WHY CAN’T WE HEAR HIM HE WAS YELLING SO MUCH BEFORE WHAT’S GOING ON.”

“This is the only ending this story could possibly have and you knew that from the start.”

Oh how daaaaare you turn this line back around on me like this, against me. The first time I ever heard the equivalent of this line in the series, I knew it was planted with the intent to come back to bite the audience. I was all “hah, you don’t scare me. Joke’s on you because that ending to this story is EXACTLY what I want, so TRY me.”

Seeing it again NOW was terrifying. It was a threat. I did not truly believe that the story would end like this. But this line… embedded into the narrative as it had been, was effective at convincing me it was plausible… it was POSSIBLE. Recurrent lines like this would destroy me on a regular day when I know that they’re coming. I had done NO preparation to handle this line doing exactly what I figured it intended to do when it inevitably came back around because back then, when it was planted, it is exactly what I had wanted, and therefore felt like I didn’t need to. And in the interim, the narrative had gone soft, so very soft, so very, very soft on him, and appeared to no longer have what it takes to go ahead and kill him off, the arc words laying forgotten. Until now, being wielded with full force. Didn’t like the sound of this at all.

Now I would like to break down different aspects of the scene(s) that unfold in the aftermath of the verdict, because there are so many angles at play here:

1. The verdict is still unbearably painful even when clinging to the thought/hope and possibility that he isn't dead/manages to survive/will not die

Because we've spent the entire fic being shown just how much Lex is brimming with emotion and personality and potential from head to toe, only to be told at the end that all of it was worthless, that all of it IS worthless: that he is unworthy of salvation, that all of the striving was for absolutely nothing and MEANS nothing. That, even if the plot allows him to go on living, even if the characters and the narrative (and the audience!) clearly believe he is worthy of a second chance, the law and the legal system doesn't. That in the eyes of the law, his life and newfound being is not worth preserving.

A solid three fics spent on development - and the verdict declares in one fell swoop at the end of it all that he should die, the verdict declares he shouldn't even get to live and should in fact be killed as soon as possible.

The law does not know and does not care about the things we and the characters have seen, the things that the characters have been through together, or the extent of his suffering and STRIVING all the way up until this point. The law doesn't care.

The narrative seemingly turns on its audience in an instant with a snarl. "Well, what did you expect? You're an idiot for expecting anything more than this. Haven't you forgotten who that man is and what he's done? Don't tell me you were actually stupid enough to have hope. You're naive. Just as naive as the characters are. Even when you could see for yourself they were getting too attached for their own good, what did you do? Did you actually follow in their footsteps? You should have known better. You should have had more foresight than that. In fact, you DID have the benefit of foresight and you WASTED it! You have even less excuse than the characters!"

At least, that's the stunt it TRIES to pull, and momentarily, for a horrible, horrible point in time it almost works. But then I'm yelling my defiance too. It's like, "no, actually, story, stuff you, I wasn't stupid at all for having hope, because the narrative itself was the one to give me that hope and that belief in Alexander Luster Jr in the first place. It's wanted us to believe in him from the very beginning, so it's no wonder. This story has been ridiculously biased TOWARDS him, and I know that for a fact because I've been fighting against his having a second chance the entire time and received nothing but opposition in terms of the narrative's directional slant."

So it's like, okay, it wasn't stupid at all in terms of narrative portrayal. The audience can't blamed; it's no wonder they believed. But were they objectively right in doing so or was their belief misplaced after all?

There's this dizzying moment of "WAS the verdict right in its decision? Is what the judge says really true? Is there genuinely no hope for rehabilitation in his case? Is there something that the Judge can see that we can’t?"

The thought of it is so painful. Are the characters supporting him and the audience just idiots, but the court - the judge can objectively see the "full unbiased picture" that we aren't getting, in order to have reached this conclusion? Is he really not worth a second chance? But how? How?! How can that be!

And then the thought passes, it's shot down. No, no. Rehabilitation - a second chance - is obviously possible. How can it not be possible? How can you tell me I'm wrong?! It has to be, look at him. if you've been paying attention to Lifting Spirits for five minutes-

2. The verdict was not the right decision to make and does not bring about any kind of justice.

The verdict is wrong. That's the conclusion we arrive at. There is nothing just about this situation. There is no victory here.

“No! This can’t…! This can’t be right!”

This is wrong. This is not justice. The narrative doesn't even attempt to say otherwise: that's how it's being portrayed. The narrative AGREES that this is wrong.

“Let go of me! This isn’t right!” she hollered, hoping to free herself from Lang’s grip. “You can’t execute him! He’s not a killer anymore! Let go of me!”

Up until the very end... Even as the verdict was being read and I was convinced it would side with lenience, I wasn't entirely sure of what the right choice was, even though I had finally decided to accept such a verdict of lenience.

In the aftermath of the verdict's announcement, I still wasn't sure what the "right" course of action was, how best to handle his case, or what "should" be done.

But it didn't even matter any more. I didn't - I didn't care. I no longer cared about that. It didn't matter what the “best” decision was anymore, I wanted him to- where, where is his lenience?! Give - GIVE it to him!

I was desperate for him to have this regardless, to have this second chance, it was painful and this didn't feel right.

In a sense, when it came to the question of what "should" be done, or what side I was ultimately on come the end, that alone - my feelings and response to this situation - clearly gave me my answer.

And if he didn't die, if he managed to escape death somehow, that wouldn't truly be good enough in alleviating all the pain of this. No, that's painful and would imply still that he's not good enough. But that is antithetical to what we have been shown, and the idea hurts. He needed to be fully, properly have his second chance recognised in the eyes of the law. It got snatched away when it was so close and I couldn't - it needed to happen.

It’s torturous.

3. The main characters that we have been following are actively invested in his survival and his second chance. They WANT him to live and they do not WANT him to die.

Wasn't this what I wanted?

But the thought of his impending death was hurting our main characters so much more than the alternative. They weren't asking him to die. They weren't expecting him to die. It's a very different situation.

For Alexander Luster Jr, the chance of redemption hinges not upon accepting death, but in being granted life.

This idea of him needing to die... One of the key ideas it comes from is that to give him a second chance is disrespectful to all the people that he murdered and all the people that he's hurt, emotionally and physically.

But characters such as Athena, Bobby and Simon are members of that group of people hurt by the phantom, and they are the ones advocating for him, they are the ones who are desperate for this chance and his survival - for him to have a chance.

There is, of course, a very impressive list of other people hurt by the phantom for whom his death is deemed important and necessary. But we have not followed their POVs. As it stands, when we think of who the phantom has inflicted harm on, many of the first characters that may come to the reader's mind are those who /want/ him to live. So what meaning does "disrespectful to those who have suffered because of him" continue to hold when they are our main point of reference?

It does still hold meaning. But it's far more difficult to uniformly advocate for the man now known as Lex to die when this is how at least some of the phantom’s victims feel.

4. The bar for his salvation is set very low, and the severe injustice invoked by that bar seemingly not being met by the court's standards is portrayed very strongly.

The bar is so low. A) There is no need to forgive the phantom of all his many crimes, but merely to acknowledge Lex as his own person b) lenience. Just. Lenience. Not “all charges are dropped you are free to do as you wish”, lenience.

And in contrast, everything about the fake-out screams injustice, almost outlandishly so. The speed at which everything happens – he’s hastily carried away. Bobby and Simon not getting to say goodbye. The characters, the spectators who were on his side screaming their defiance. Everything is taken to its extreme in a mad rush.

And then, of course, there's Aura.

5. The narrative makes no pretence at ignoring the harsh reality of what the phantom was like and what he has done. There is unabashed acknowledgement.

I'm glad Franziska asked Athena if the image of her mother's corpse would ever fade. At that point I was a little like "whoa, okay, at least we are acknowledging this. We are ACTUALLY tackling this angle, I’m impressed.”

And then Aura just came in and blew me away. Aura came along and put my very own thoughts into words, she said EXACTLY what I was thinking, right at the last minute. Words I thought would be left unsaid, and would therefore leave me feeling somewhat frustrated and unsatisfied. But she voiced them and forced the story to confront the fundamental unfairness of the killer getting a second chance when he took away his victim’s only chance.

6. The narrative fully acknowledges that there is no way to make everyone happy and satisfied regardless of whatever outcome is chosen.

“In light of all the information and all the opinions shared with this court, I believe there is no way to please everyone.”

Through both the wording of the judge's verdict and the extremely divided and opinionated spectators, it's abundantly clear. This was a great signifier for me because to give him a happy ending, favourite character or not... It can be very hard to be fully satisfied when the consequences of his past actions are ongoing (e.g. people who are still feeling the losses of loved ones that can never be replaced) or if it feels like certain perspectives are being conveniently ignored/overlooked so as to justify a happy ending.

I fought against Lex's salvation partly because I was convinced that there was no way I could be completely satisfied with it, and that it would therefore feel somewhat hollow or sour if thought about in too much depth.

But the narrative just went right ahead and said "you might not be 100% satisfied, and that's fine; not everyone is going to be 100% satisfied in-universe anyway. Such a thing is impossible. If you're expecting all of the characters to be satisfied before YOU accept the ending, then I am telling you right now that you're asking for something that's never going to happen, because it's just not realistic."

The narrative also played a sneaky little game of "okay, if you're not happy with this, then here's a glimpse of the alternative. Now tell me, which ending do you prefer?"

I’d already conceded and accepted the presumed outcome towards the end, but the story wasn’t satisfied with my mere acceptance. Ohh no, it was like, “not good enough, you’re going to REALLY want this. You have to REALLY want this.” And BOY, AFTER THIS CRUEL FAKE-OUT DID I EVER.

The ending made itself all the better because it forced me to really work for it. Noooo way in hell was it gonna feel even remotely hollow, no way in hell EVER, I am no way no way gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

The acknowledgement of ANY ending’s inability to satisfy absolutely EVERY angle of every perspective in and of itself made me rush over to embrace the ending in all its splendid glory.

“That’s ridiculous! We’re just as much Lex’s family as Palaeno is!” Bobby blurted out.

There it is. There it is. The conclusion… The inevitable conclusion of what this entire series has been building towards since around Haunted Specters.

There’s only so far you can take a joke before you have no choice but to play it straight.

1. Set up and frame a seemingly absurd/surreal/odd scenario and seemingly play it for laughs

2. Keep playing it for laughs

3. Keeeep going. Keep running with it

And through both escalation and narrative reiteration and reinforcement…

4. It’s not a joke anymore and the audience is invested, Actually. No matter how odd the set-up seemed originally.

I loved that Lang immediately responds with anger to Bobby’s proclamation. I loved that. It makes sense that he would. In fact, it is a completely reasonable response. And we have spent so long building towards this. Lang’s irritation and misgivings about Bobby’s level of investment have been clear as day for a long time – he’s made no secret of it - and they have been building, and right here, Bobby confirms to him beyond all shadow of a doubt that he is too far gone, he is too far gone. He crosses a line. He crosses a line and it is too much for Lang. Two powerful opposing perspectives come to a head in this single moment as they both explode forth at once.

You played Bobby’s investment completely straight… and then you turned it back around on its head again as it is confronted like this by Lang. It is not enough to merely play it straight, but here, the narrative goes one step further and asks “if it is played straight, if it is grounded undeniably now in the character and the narrative’s reality, what does that mean? In what way should it be approached?”

Lang was right; this was bordering on Stockholm Syndrome. They shouldn’t care this much about Alexander.

I am. Floundering.

You are MEAN. YOU ARE MEEEEEAN. XD.

Maybe it was a little bit of Stockholm Syndrome.

No, no. This was a horrible kind of stinging slap to deliver.

Lang framing it that way was fine.

But a character like Bobby potentially internalising it was so very harsh a punch.

For other characters to react to and interpret Bobby (and Simon’s) investment in Lex in a realistic way was one matter. For the characters whose POV we’ve been following the whole way to take up the same line of thinking… felt like a horrific intrusion on some kind of sacred space. An unbreachable, unwritten narrative rule supposedly laid out by the series itself felt as if it were being mercilessly snapped clean in two here.

It seems so very cruel, narratively speaking, because it felt to me like the reader was never ASKED to frame the behaviour and dynamics of the characters in a realistic or critical manner. It was. A JOKE. It started as a surreal joke, serving its specific narrative purpose and then moving on its way. To have ever been realistically critical of the characters’ behaviour felt like it would have only hindered what the narrative seemed like it was trying to do at the time. And of course, it became more than a joke but the narrative has been tailored for the audience to be invested in these characters’ connections. To abruptly rescind on this unwritten rule of “this is fiction and therefore we can have some fun with it and set up some interesting character dynamics!” was like stinging betrayal.

Or rather, we ARE perhaps asked or even encouraged to be critical, but perhaps not in the way it is suddenly portrayed here. The reader does in fact pick up on the fact that Bobby and Simon are getting too invested and that this investment is perhaps not in their best wishes. But that investment seems to be portrayed so as to be compelling, something we are drawn to… not… like this. Or maybe that was just how it felt to me.

For a character like Bobby to be thinking about Stockholm Syndrome… It is not a clear-cut case of Bobby being hurt and grieving. He ponders framing his own grief and attachment in a critical manner. That he “shouldn’t” have been invested or cared this much. That felt so negatory of Lex and his whole existence… It felt negatory of the very plot that the readers had become so very invested in.

Cruel, cold realism.

You finally brought this particular narrative thread to a head, made it so very realised, and then immediately you appear to set about deconstructing it. Through Lang’s reaction. Through the internal thoughts that go through Bobby’s and Simon’s minds.

But my instinctive response is, "no, NO. Your attachment means something. It MEANS something! It's NOT just Stockholm Syndrome!"

If it was the emotionless phantom who had died that they were mourning, then sure, to think of their feelings in this manner... I don't think I would object.

But Lex is full of emotions, he cares!!!!

They can't possibly turn their back on the bond they'd ultimately grown with Lex like this. They can't.

And they aren't. They are just suffering a lot right now, trying to make some sense of this situation - anything, anything to try and make it stop hurting, to force it to hurt LESS. The narrative seems to teeter dangerously close to borderline dismissing the bond they'd grown with Lex through gritty, negative framing tied to a sense of realism. But ultimately...

It didn’t matter now.

Does it, would it even matter, how it's framed at this point? It wouldn't make a difference anyway. What's done is done, what happened is what happened.

The hurt inflicted by Bobby's internal thoughts in this moment and my instinctive objection to them is drowned out and washed cleanly away as we return to focus on the hurt caused by the overall situation and its magnitude. "Does it even matter?". It's like, who cares, who cares about analytical dissection right now, this is where we ended up either way.

It’s something Bobby considers but he’s just too tired to ponder it much because what difference did it even make? That same tiredness to fight back against the framing applied to me, as there was so much else to worry about in this moment.

What was perhaps the most cruel aspect of it all was that Alexander- no, the Phantom had attempted to shield them from this sort of devastation.

Oh no nooooooo. This hurt. Just twist the dagger in some more hhhjghj. It was absolutely true. The phantom had foreseen this. When it came to something like that kiss scene – I was busy focusing on so many other aspects of it, and very distracted by so many narrative threads after that and into Lifting Spirits that I totally failed to seriously register that attempt to shield a character like Bobby from this pain. I should have been prepared for that particular narrative angle to circle back around and I absolutely was not, I had not taken it seriously enough and had been far too distracted. I had been very dismissive of the phantom’s actions in that regard and found him so very stupid for it. Like, “yes, Bobby is too attached, this is apparent, but for GOD’S sake…”

Should have probably expected this, but I did not, and therefore it came as a very harsh shock that the phantom had seemingly been Right All Along.

This was so worrisome. Was the story REALLY about to dump a “this is the best outcome in a sense, as Bobby and Simon’s attachment was too unhealthy anyway, so this was the only way. It’s the best thing for the characters who should never have allowed themselves to senselessly get attached” on us?!

I knew there was one more fic to go in this series. I knew that much, and I did my best to cling to that, to cling to how suspicious and fast this all was, that they didn’t even get to say GOODBYE, but some of the narrative framing was so very scary. I did start to feel a tiny bit of panic, struggled to keep it at bay. But I was on the verge of becoming VERY, VERY upset. I could not allow myself to do so until I finished this fic, because if I allowed myself to become upset – to lose hope over this - it would be all over – there’s no telling how much it would’ve crushed me.

I just needed to power on through and keep reading as fast as possible before I had the chance to become upset. Just… keep reading, keeeeep reading, until I could relax once more… There had to be a reveal that he is okay, there had to be, because the alternative was too unbearable to consider.

The mere possibility of this truly being how this fic ends was way too terrifying.

It was like you suddenly out of nowhere grabbed my arm and BRUTALLY twisted it and just went “oh my god, shut up about phantomquill. Shut up about phantomquill. And will you STOP complaining already about every godforsaken little thing? I’ll kill him. I swear to god, I will kill him. I’ll do it. Do not test me. I’ll do it.”

This couldn’t be the end (could it?!) but there was no way in hell I was going to risk growing complacent and trying to call your bluff. I was terrified. I could NOT risk this all being real no matter what, no matter how small the risk might or might not be I was so scared.

“Please… Just… Just… Don’t do this. Please. Just let him still be alive.”

And he was.

“So… will you finally shut up about phantomquill? Will you finally be GRATEFUL once more and ACCEPT what you are given?!”

Oh, yes. Yes, Meowzy, please, just don’t hurt me.

When there is a defining moment in a story that causes me to flatly deem that moment and by extension everything after it technically “non-canon”, it is VERY hard, nigh impossible, to win me back, because it tends not to matter how fantastic anything that comes afterwards is – because the line of continuity to get to that point had been fundamentally broken in my eyes, usually senselessly so. The appreciation of great stuff from afterwards doesn’t feel “complete” because I am no longer capable of considering it the “true timeline”.

By “win me back” I don’t mean “enjoy the fictional work in question”, because I am still completely capable of doing that if there’s still awesome stuff going on. I mean “restore the work’s claim to being the “true timeline” in my eyes.”

A lot of the Lifting Spirits journey is winning me over and winning me back over. I had already largely gone “okay, okay, I guess… all of this stuff is just so awesome that it’s still pretty much the true timeline. It’s just so good.” Unlike in some other instances where I had made the “non-canon” declaration in the past:

-There is absolutely no drop in writing quality whatsoever. The work demands its place in the true timeline with the rest of the series because it fits in seamlessly

-Just about everything going on is so great and awesome that you’d be hard-pressed NOT to want to fully accept and embrace it all

-The occurrence that I had declared the work was “finished” over (Fake Phantomquill kiss) was so very inconsequential and minor in the grand scheme of things. The declaration loses its meaning when it becomes to seem like just a blip in the radar of all the amazing stuff going on

-The actual goings-on of the scene do fit in fine with the rest of the story, and the scene is not TOO central or relevant to what takes place afterwards so as to be a constant reminder or thorn in my side that I had been baited. The story moves on from the scene after it plays out to far more pressing matters.

But still, STILL, I had withheld its right to Full Canonicity in my eyes. I had been “wronged” XD.

But the fake-out… and then the ending… I was nothing but grateful. True timeline. True timeline. This WAS the true timeline; this is the true timeline and I fully acknowledge it 100%. I embrace it. Why would I EVER throw this golden ending away for the sake of some one-sided phantomquill, if I had to make that choice?! Never.

I’ve much more to say and/or elaborate on, and I will do so… in the next post!

Wow. Looks like one more post and I will have finally done it. That’ll truly take us to the end of Lifting Spirits…

#These dang things are so damn long and therefore such a pain to format into tumblr posts XD #as always I always kinda am still secondguessing bits of the wording in places #And feel that there's still unexamined angles left... But how much longer could I possibly make this. XD

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baldtaelovemaze · 6 years

Text

Love me for me (1)

What kind of love story starts with two people locked in a classroom and ends with the two same people in a courtroom? This one. After unfortunate circumstances, Venice is forced to illegally change her identity and live as a boy in a all boys school.

She planned everything out. Every. Single.detail. but no matter how much she tries, she can’t stop herself from falling for the son of one of the biggest lawyers.

Is loving the man of her dreams worth years in jail?

Reader (OC) X jungkook ft.Taehyung

Warnings: mature language

Words: 3k

"Dear Miss. Abass, unfortunately, your demand at Yale University has been Rejected-"

“fuck”

Orbs clouded, I rip apart the letter. The torn cream pieces dance with the wind my fan generates and I watch them gracefully fall to the floor, blending perfectly with the wood.

Years of studying, isolation, practically not having a social life I forced upon myself to proudly become a valedictorian graduate but everything i did was in vain.

On the floor lays the last piece of hope I once clung on to. Now crushed under the weight of disappointment and failure, my chest hitches as I desperately try to hold back a sob. Water gathers at the rims of my heterochromia eyes. Left one a muddy green and the other a murky blue with a tinge of that same muddy green who manages to stick out no matter what like I do so very well. Intentionally or not.

I don’t cry, instead, I sniff away all the mucus who threatens to slide down my nasal passages and roll myself into bed.

For a moment, the smell of the freshly cleaned sheets and my dearest pillow make me forget of the hell hole I am in, of the chains that confine me.

That moment is short-lived when it all comes back rushing down on me like a wave. These chains that I have, invisible to the human or anything supernatural expect me. This rope around my neck who never ceases to tighten as time goes by.

I ponder on this fact. Or is it a question? It’s something I definitely know the answer to. So a fact it is.

The chains that hold me aren’t emotional or even close to physical. Nor did I ever do anything to earn them but that’s how the system works.

The system refused every single application I sent to prestigious universities. Not one of them accepted me even after they had contacted me for scholarships offers. Claiming that “my chosen classes were already full and to try elsewhere.’

It wasn’t a coincidence. Out of everyone, I should know that. Because I knew the system far too well.

That system chained me without even binding my wrist to chains, that system took my freedom away without truly stripping me of my rights, that system tied a noose around my neck and is waiting for any given occasion to rip away the chair from under my feet.

The system doesn't want my education to blossom. the system wants me to settle for less every time then die. That’s our government. the system is our government and it’s trying to kill me off.

I could apply at a community college and get accepted in mere seconds but that's what they want. That is their plan and no matter what, I will not succumb to it, not after seeing how it ended for father. Not after seeing that.

I gulp at the thought of him. My body and mind react instantly at the mere idea of my father. My breathing becomes ragged and I sense my palms get clammy and sweaty. The noose around my neck feels like it got ten times tighter. Even though nothing is truly there, my brain acknowledges the hard rope covered in sharp split ends digging at the skin of my neck. My hands who once were tucked underneath the pillow flock to my neck, grasping around nothing but my own skin.

I seal my eyes shut and begin chanting the only thing that calms me down during my breakdowns.

“A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I....”

the alphabet, something you often associate with learning toddlers full of life and not a 19-year-old having a nervous breakdown.

“J, K, L, M, O, P, Q, R, S!!” I scream loud, frail body shaking like a leaf as I try my best to block out the nose, block out the shots and the footsteps who are threateningly close. I hiccup between a sob when I feel his big greasy hands grip my long ebony hair, yanking me back painfully, he throws my whole body across the room.

what letter was I at? I forgot. Now I can barely breathe. I frustrate the man furthermore. I know this when he yells “shut the fuck up. Make another sound and your lovely mother gets it.” I open my eyes and stop breathing altogether. She lays on the floor.

I shake my head, clearing my mind of theses awful flashbacks as I shoot up from bed to reach for the pieces of paper, crumble them into a tiny ball and neatly shoot them in my plastic dollar-store basketball net who hangs just above the door. It hits the rim before falling on the floor with a plop.

“damn, where did my basketballs skill go?” I ask my self, feeling slightly better due to the self-pity that seems to have eaten me whole.

The alphabet always calms me down, it brings me back to earth when I need it the most -when my anxiety decides to lock me in my painful past.

My back now on the bed, I look at my white ceiling, its time to think rationally, like an adult - I smile to myself. Like an adult, huh? I quickly recognize the fact that most adults don’t actually know what they are doing. Most of the time they let themselves get dragged with the wave. Some try to overpower the water while others succumb to it and others find a way to float, to stay on the surface no matter how strong the storm gets.

I huff a breath of defeat "what am I going to do? It was the last one on the list.” I toy with my phone. I run my fingers against its smooth metal surface all while making sure to not unlock it by accident with the touch ID.

I've been ignoring Haerin’s messages for a while now.

I frown, hoping that she won’t misunderstand and think that I a mad at her.

the screen lights up.

Haerin: Don’t worry I know that you’re not mad at me or anything but I'm just worried.. plus I kinda miss your ugly ass so text back soon. I can’t believe you’re making me seem like a desperate hoe by ignoring all my text. Your fuckgirl mode has, unfortunately, been activated :/ [2:45]

I snort. Not being able to ignore her for any longer, I text back.

Me: I usually don’t text girls back after we fuck... but ur kinda special so come over or whatever... [2:46 pm]

Haerin: omg okay daddy! I’ll bring take out that way my ass won’t be the only thing you’ll eat today! I'm omw bitch you have some explaining to do. [2:46]

I chuckle and lock my phone.

With the stretch of my limbs, I'm out of bed and I beeline straight to the bathroom.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. “fucking hell, I barely look alive.”

after peeing and a quick face wash, I stand in front of the mirror and notice that my pixie cut may need a trim soon. I can’t ever let my hair grow past my ears and I rather not think about the reason behind this -not yet at least, not yet.

I watch the clear droplet of water cling on to the curl near my forehead before dropping and rolling down my tawny skin. I can’t help but to glance down at my neck, it’s red. I pray that I won’t bruise. I take in the fact that my new skin care routine has been working marvelously. From my high cheekbones, my narrow chin and slightly protruding forehead my skin is spotless.

"Venice, you little thot, I have arrived in your domicile"

I jump in surprise at first. After a smile covers my plump lips when I realize who that voice belongs to. I step out of the bathroom which is linked to my room and meet the fake redhead.

In a matter of seconds, I am engulfed in her tight embrace. Face hidden in the crook of her armpit I notice that the tall girl is wearing her favorite mustard hoodie.

I break the hug. “ I missed you too,” I say, gazing up at her through my short lashes. I see the worry in her slanted eyes but I know she isn’t judging, she never does.

“let’s talk, okay?” her voice is soft when she speaks. I nod and lead her to my bed.

A couple tears, three hugs, and many heartfelt words later, we lay diagonally on my bed. Looking up at the ceiling. With a shift in position, I look over at Haerin’s toes who never fail to not be ugly and stinky but who can blame her? She's an aspiring basketball player. Now I look up to her profile. It seems like the ceiling is long forgotten and that she is currently deep in thought, I can tell by the way her straight thick brows furrow and how she chews almost aggressively her full bottom lip. I Am caught red-handed when she suddenly turns at catches me staring.

“I've got an idea.” her lips part as she smiles, revealing the gap in the middle of her two front teeth that fits her so well.

“Shoot”

“How about we watch old Disney movies to take off some of your stress for today? let's deal this fucktard of a situation tomorrow. '' She pushes her elbow underneath her to lift herself. Her round glasses droop down the bridge of her nose but she's quick to push them back with the help of her lanky fingers.

I smiled at the idea. I ask myself how can someone be so pure and genuine sometimes.

''Okay, but just don't put anything with romance in it. I don't want to be reminded of the fact that the only thing I wake up next to in bed is my life-sized Makoto Tachibana pillow.'' My feet drag on the warm floor as Haerin intertwines her arm with mine. '' That's extremely sad and I hope that you'll throw it out once you get a boyfriend-'' she stops in her tracks and looks at me.

we both stare at each other only to explode with laughter.

''BAHAHA! I can't believe I just said that! You? a boyfriend? I think WinWin would finally be getting lines in songs before that happens.'' wiping away the tear that escaped, we go down the stairs and she grabs the laptop on the kitchen counter before plopping herself beside me on the sofa.

''Shut up you shouldn't be the one to speak here.'' I laugh back with her.

''Whatever ugly loser, go grabs snacks that way we can stuff our faces and I'll pick a movie'' She orders and am up in seconds.

''I know you said no romance but I still picked the Amanda Bynes movie She's the man '' Haerin informs me as I come back into the living room

I shrug my shoulders, indifferent.

''I don't care what we watch at this point, anything to get my stress down.'' I slur on my words near the end, taking a big fat handful of popcorn and shoving it down my throat.

'We could watch porn then'' she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and I pinch her left nipple.

''shut up and play the god damn movie.''

And with a click, the movie is playing and I am finally relaxing.

About an hour and forty-five minutes later the movie is done and you're left with a strange idea in mind.

''hey Haerin..'' you start off

her eyes squint, which suggests that she's thinking . ''hm?''

''Are you possibly thinking the same thing as me ?'' now my eyes squint, trying my best to read her expression.

'' If you are thinking about dressing yourself up as a male and infiltrating the all-boys prestigious Uni then yes, we are thinking the same thing!'' her grip on my wrists is tight and I feel light headed when she shakes me like a polaroid as soon as I nod.

''CALL CHRISTIAN RIGHT NOW! SOME MADAME DOUBTFIRE MAKEOVER SHIT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN IN THIS BITCH!'' She screams at the top of her lungs.

"You called me here because am what?" Christian took place on the sofa beside me. Brows creased together, he leaned forward, as if he hadn't heard me the first time. He heard me perfectly fine. "Because you're the dude-dest dude I know and I need to learn how to become a dude."

He drowns himself deeper in the couch, taking a chunk of his locks between his fingers, he let out an exasperated "what kind of fucking drugs do you guys take to come up with this shit?" And shortly after "Okay, I'll help."

This was our relationship. Christian Yu a very stable young adult that happened to be my childhood neighbor. Even when I moved out of my mother's home, he never left me behind. Kind of like a big brother that allows me to do dumb shit only with his supervision.

"This might seem crazy but just trust me on this. It might work,"I reassure.

His eyes bulge “What exactly might work Venice please don’t tell-”

“I can’t keep living on like this. I don’t want to live a meaningless life all while knowing that I can achieve so much more. Just entering that school and studying to become a lawyer would be a huge step for me” my jaw clenches “Its a step towards my goal and..” nostrils flared, I watch Christian tense, the weight of my words slowly seep into his pores, completely changing his first resolve. “ I will fulfill it no matter what”.

“I understand what you want to do but wouldn't that be proving what the government is doing to people like you -no offense, right? You're just doing what they expect of the children of criminals, you're becoming one too” He remains tense. Lower lip stuck between his pearly teeth, Christian avoids eye contact.

“Reflect on this: What do criminals have in common?” I get up from the couch under the perplexed gaze of my friend.

Lips puckered, brows screwed together, he comes up with an answer quickly “Its simple, they do illegal things!”

“That's partially true but I want you do think of the biggest names in the dark world, the infamous one. What brought them together besides the fact that what they did was prohibited?” I am patient, smiling down at my friend who racks his brain fora retort. His wide shoulder slump, not knowing where exactly am I go going with this. I give in, choosing to spare him a brain burn out “they were all selfish.”

“W-What?”

“yes, it really is that simple.” I smirk “ Just think about it, All their lives, their goal was to enrich themselves, gain profit or some form of power. They were ready to do whatever it took to gain these things. Kill, steal ect. What separates me from them is that I am not only doing this for me but the others who suffer alongside me in silence. We both know that the system is wrong and should be taken down even if that means sacrificing the little freedom I have.” I exhale, coming back to sit near Christian on the couch.

He sighs, elbows now up on his tighs, he rubs his eyes. “Fine, I support you in this but please don't you dare end up in jail or else-”

“You’ll lose your mind since you can't live without her.” Haerin finally speaks. She had remained so silent I forgot that she was even there.

“Y-yeah, you're probably right actually, I don't think I can't live without either of my girls” he pipes, scooping both of us in his toned arms and engulfing us in a tight hug.

“Let me go, Chris, my face is literally buried in your armpits” Haerin whines.

“Then smell them!”

“Oh no, you don”t-”I send my knee in his crotch in a matter of seconds, making him groan in agony all while curling into a ball on the floor. Haerin stares unbothered, pulling out her phone and calling someone. The conversation is short but it leaves a smile on her lips when she hangs up.

"Okay whores, I just called the best makeup artist in town. After you get your lesson on how to become an owner of a dick and get a makeup lesson cuz god knows you struggling in that.." Haerin shakes her head and muffles a laugh with her hand when I pipe out “bitch.”

"You will go in the room and do what you have to do to make the world believe you are a man."

"Okay, let's start then!" the serious and somber mood is gone, excitement is now what is left behind. Am thrilled, justice pumps through my veins and it's only fueled more by the support of my friends. I can do this

"Okay let's start then...but no homo"

"I know I taught you to use 'no homo' but it doesn't mean you need to say it in every sentence, Venice," Christian shouts from the kitchen, watching the makeup artist teach me the basics on how to make my face look more masculine and the brands that stay on the longest.

Haerin had told her that we were just filming a really weird porno and the women weirdly enough, nodded as if what Haerin said was something that she had seen often.

A couple more minutes spent by my side and she was out of the house, I shooed Christian and Haerin out as well.

With years of fraudulent knowledge in my hands, creating a new identity would be a breeze.

What should my new name be?

I grab my phone and open the group chat

Me: I need Name ideas, got anything? [5:15]

Chris: keep it simple... something like Steve Duncan or whatever [5:17]

Haerin: Don't listen to this loser, Bob Mcniplecoker shall be your new name, beloved ;) [5:17]

Chris: i- [5:18]

Me: 00Ooo thank you Haerin! very cool! [5:18]

Chris: please don't tell me you're actually using that- why am I the only sane person in this group? [5:19]

I shut off my phone, content with the name and ready to get down to serious business. Hours and hours of serious business.

Creating a whole new identity sure was time-consuming.

The wait was over.

The letter who held my fate had arrived to my surprising displeasure. I huffed a breath of frustration. Why am I so nervous? With the grades I have, it is certain I’ll be getting in but why can't I open it?

The pretty creme letter waited for no one other than me to open it. I was first made known of its presence when I was taking a shit and my uncle so kindly slid it under the door when he was staying over for a couple days.

All Boys: Great Jeon University

I had just finished taking a shit but after re-reading the letter I felt like taking a second shit. Curling on the floor, my nose rose up in defiance as I glanced at the paper, still centimeters away from under the door.

Let's just open the letter and get this over with.

With trembling hands, I reached over to the letter but I at last second I let my hand fell back to my side.

This Is so stressful! Is it possible to vomit and shit your pants all at the same time? I shot up, heading to the sink determined, with a couple splashes of cold water on my face I stared at myself in the mirror, determined.

I pursued my full lips, taking in a pimple that formed right next to my thick brows. This stress is really getting to me. I know damn well that a pimple wouldn't have been there otherwise.

"Okay you big wuss, tear that shit open !" I gas myself up, finally picking up the letter, I rip the envelope, already expecting the worst.

"Dear Mister. Mcniplecocker, we are glad to inform you that you have been accepted-"

“Oh thank God...” relief washes down on me like a ton of bricks. ”Thank

god..”I exhale, I can't contain the small smile that forms on my lips.

"THIS CALL FOR DANGEROUSLY HIGH AMOUNTS OF CALORIES !" Haerin shouts, grabbing the takeout menu to order too much food and possibly max out her credit card. She is reckless and often thinks of the consequences after she does something but if she ever got in trouble with the law due to her shenanigans, me, a soon to be law student would help her.

Christian took his usual seat at my right and Haerin at my left on our favorite brown couch. They were here so often on this couch that their butts were permanently imprinted.

"I need to tell you guys about this girl I've met. She's older but I swear I've never seen a woman more beautiful" Christian gushed, tugging on my shirt. "Oh, my man is finally getting some action! I started getting worried for you I was almost going to ship you with Haerin."

The girl snapped her head to look at me at the mention of her name. "Excuse me? Me and Christian? I'd rather let your creepy pillow anime guy date me." She snickered and I scoffed "Bitch, you wish Makoto Tachibana would be with your dusty crusty ass plus you're acting like Christian is ugly! I mean he might be a lil on the grandpa side since he's so old but-"

He deadpanned. "I'm literally 25 ???"

"Anyways, in two months I'll be going to one of the most prestigious schools and I'll be a lawyer. If one of you ever gets in trouble with the law don't call me because I'll be the one making sure you go to jail." I joke, picking a movie on the laptop.

I was over the moon. Things were going my way and it felt good, so good.

"If you ever do get caught, who will defend you ?" Christian hesitated when he asked, not wanting to stress me.

"Don't jinx it, idiot. I won't happen, don't worry." Haerin leaned forward, taking my hand in hers and gave me a small smile not knowing that the damage was already done.

It was something that I ridiculously tried shoving at the back of my brain. It was something I needed to face. I was going to be a lawyer for crying out loud, I knew that I could face time in jail and fines I wouldn't be able to afford to pay.

It was something I was ready to risk. For my education. I was breaking the law in order to work as a person who enforced the law. How ironic.

"Yeah, don't jinx it, Chris."

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dibidibidismol · 6 years

Text

For the Anon who wanted me to answer all the questions: I hope you're happy.

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

A Baby named orlo

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on the situation

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My bestest friend and I have a shopping date soon!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Probably not. I dunno.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yeah, probably.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People who use she/her pronouns.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Byun Baekhyun.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

No.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

A group of close friends.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Great!”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Expect by Girls Day

Eternity by VIXX

Tried to Walk by B1A4

Sorry by The Rose

Closer by Oh My Girl

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

So long as they don't tangle it.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in chance.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I got a scholarship to a programme I applied for! Met some new friends!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Hell yeah. A sweet baby gave me a smooch. Baby kisses are the best.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think it's a possibility.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

They moved far far away.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Not really.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Yeah, I babysit for them sometimes.

21. What are your bad habits?

I'm a sucker for my dog. I give him too many treats.

22. Where would you like to travel?

I'm not much of a traveler but I hear Portland Oregon is nice this time of year.

23. Do you have trust issues?

Probably?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Afternoon Tumblr, Spotify and Tea time.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My nose.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Do my daily language learning sessions and wash my face.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My dog and/or friends.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Hahahahahahaha No.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yep.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

I'm Demi, and don't know any celebrities.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

Done.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I've done a lot of basketball and a bit of track and field.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

I don't watch much T.V anyways.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Story of my life.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

When in doubt talk about the weather.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

She/her pronouns, actually reciprocates my affections, ace/demi friendly, not allergic to dogs, fluent in English, mildly intelligent, has a compatible sense of humor, not abusive.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Target, H-mart, Costco,

40. What do you want to do after high school?

College and Law school

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Not everyone, but most people.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m tired, thinking, or listening to music.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Unless they're giving off bad vibes.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space. I have a fear of the deep ocean.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Devotion to my dog.

46. What are you paranoid about?

Germs, skin cancer, the deep ocean, my friends not loving themselves enough, everyone I know secretly disliking me, etc.

47. Have you ever been high?

On caffeine.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

On life.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yes. But I'm telling y'all anyways. (My dog was giving me sad eyes so I gave him a treat. And then another. And another. And another. So he ended up having like half the bag.)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Oh yeah. I've been jealous of many of my friends. They're all so attractive and funny and smart and I'm just kinda there.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I was more intelligent.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I don't wear enough makeup to be able to differentiate between the brands.

54. Favourite store?

I like Eastern Asian grocery stores and Target.

55. Favourite blog?

My absolute favorite recently deleted, but my current favourites are @homosexo-l @ot-nine and @queerfictionwriter

56. Favourite colour?

Black, Crimson, and shades of purple.

57. Favourite food?

Right now I'm a big fan of carrots.

58. Last thing you ate?

An egg and roasted mushroom on a hamburger bun.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Fruit and protein smoothie with whole grain toast.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I’ve won a couple basketball related things, a handful of academic awards, speech tournaments, and a few other things I'm forgetting.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

When I was really young (7 or 8) I was suspended for taking the cookie sprinkles from the class cabinet and distributing them amongst our classmates.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope.

63. Ever been in love?

Yeah. It sucks.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

We both leaned in. *smooch*

65. Are you hungry right now?

I'm hungry for Love and Affection.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Nah. I love my real friends a lot.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

I don't have either.

68. Twitter or Tumblr.

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I don't really watch TV.

70. Name of your bestfriend?

Mira

71. Craving something? What?

Craving love and affection. Also garlic eggplant.

72. What colour are your towels?

White.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Four big ones plus eightish throw pillows plus five pillow pets.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

They have their own corner of my room.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

60? I have a ton of tiny ones.

75. Favourite animal?

My dog.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black and Pink.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Banana.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black.

80. What colour pants?

Black.

81. Favourite tv show?

I don't really watch TV but I like Ask us Anything/Knowing Bros and I liked Weekly Idol pre-current MC line up. I also like the Great British Baking show.

82. Favourite movie?

Tangled

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls? I haven't seen pt2.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean girls? I haven't seen 21 jump street.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

I don't really remember the characters, but I think I liked the teacher.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory!

87. First person you talked to today?

My dog.

88. Last person you talked to today?

See above. :)

89. Name a person you hate?

Donald J. Trump

90. Name a person you love?

Amber Liu!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Donald J. Trump

92. In a fight with someone?

My mother.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

The Lorax

96. Favourite actress?

I dunno. I don't watch a lot of TV.

97. Favourite actor?

See above.

98. Do you tan a lot?

I would if I didn't stay inside so much or if I were to lay off the sunscreen.

99. Have any pets?

I have a dog. He’s the bestest. I could go on about him for hours...

100. How are you feeling?

I'm a little tired but my dog is here next to me so I'm good.

101. Do you type fast?

I'm alright on an actual keyboard, but touch screens slow me down a lot.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

I regret having picked the wrong Duolingo chest and only getting one Lingot instead of five.

103. Can you spell well?

My initial guess tends to be correct, but I tend to doubt my spelling capabilities and confuse myself over wether or not I was correct.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss the group of people who I went to school with for seven plus years. We were used to each other and it's hard to replicate that camaraderie.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Nah.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Hahahahahahaha No.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

I took riding lessons when i was younger.

108. What should you be doing?

Baking a pie. I want pie.

109. Is something irritating you right now?

America’s President.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

See #23

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My friend/ theripast @squish-io

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Dictionary.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii?

No.

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

I'm Vegetarian.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Half of my family is Chinese so I only like the good stuff.

119. Favourite book?

The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

Maybe?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Once I cheated at Pandemic. The rules of the game were too complicated and I was playing against an expert.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Probably, I don't have any though.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I believe in attraction at first sight but not love.

125. Do you believe in true love?

No.

126. Are you currently bored?

Nah, I'm answering these, it's pretty fun.

127. What makes you happy?

My dog! Kpop crack! Tumblr(sometimes)!

128. Would you change your name?

Maybe.

129. What your zodiac sign?

It starts with a “P”

130. Do you like subway?

Not particularly.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

First of all, that would never happen. Either way as my best friend they would know that I'm gay and so if their pronouns are not she/her it wouldn't be an issue. If their pronouns were she/her then... I dunno. Depends on what would make them happy.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

See #10

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Shawty imma party till the sundown (so I can make it back in time for curfew) 134. Can you count to one million?

Yes. For efficiency I'd count by 500,000s.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“I'm straight”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

I can't sleep with the doors open.

137. How tall are you?

Smol.

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Wavy.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

The former.

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter.

141. Night or Day?

Night.

142. Favourite month?

November.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Yes.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark.

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea.

146. Was today a good day?

Sure.

147. Mars or Snickers?

I don't eat either.

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it's probably shit.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

No. 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Well,” Miss Morgan said, her voice losing conviction, “what do you mean, talking about people dressed like me? Blue hats, and so on?”

#that's a wrap #ask game #reblogging #with edits

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