#PLUS A PHYSICAL CARD MAILED TO ME

[sexhaver]

hey I have an ungraded Alpha Chaos Orb I got from a blind egg machine in the 90s. how do I get it graded and what's the best move for me with this thing? should I sell it, or is it going to continue to acquire value?

ohhhhh man that's a Spicy Meatball. first step would be getting ahold of a jeweler's loupe and doing some basic at-home checks for whether or not it's fake. the most common is the Green Dot Test where you look at the green dot on the back of the card:

there are also some other tests you can do but the efficacy of those can vary depending on the set the card is from (i.e. sometimes legit cards can still fail); r/mtgfinance is very helpful with walking you through the specifics of these

once you determine it's not an obvious fake, the next step would be getting it graded. the gold standards here are Beckett and PSA. picking which one to use is a subject of great debate; generally PSA is preferred by Pokemon collectors and stores in Japan, whereas Beckett is preferred by MTG whales (i.e. your target audience). PSA is more lenient on specifically the centering of the card though so it might be worth sending it into them depending on how that looks. also before sending the card in to any service, get multiple high-quality scans of the front and back in case a dispute arises. both Beckett and PSA are wayyyy more reputable than that card service i posted about a few days back that just declares their customers' cards fake and then steals them, but when dealing with something this expensive it pays to be cautious. i would also recommend insuring the package you mail it to them in

once you get a grade, you can decide how to proceed from there. Chaos Orb specifically is banned in basically everything so it really only has value as a collectable, which means you can probably just leave it in the plastic "slab" you'll get it back in. on the plus side, it has a LOT of value as a collectable. i don't have a finger on the pulse of alpha card prices but you're looking at multiple thousands of dollars minimum. however, you are going to run into some issues because 1. you're someone with no sale history selling a really rare and expensive card and 2. there are so few Alpha Chaos Orbs floating around that there aren't really enough sales to pin down a market price, but not so few sales that you want to go through an auction house. you definitely do not want to sell to a physical LGS (local game store) because they are not going to beat the best offer you can find online (they mostly have the edge when selling in bulk). your best bets here are probably either ebay or this facebook group, but bear in mind that ebay takes some percentage of the sale (i think 14%?) and tends to side with the buyer unconditionally if a dispute arises. if you take the facebook route, DO NOT ACCEPT OFFERS FROM PEOPLE SLIDING INTO YOUR DMS. THEY ARE LOWBALLING YOU.

im answering this one publicly so people can chime in if they have any other advice they want to share, but in any case, your first step here is to get your hands on a jeweler's loupe

[sassykattery]

Dollface Pt. 1

In a world where magical objects sometimes end up in places they shouldn't be, sometimes even the most careful end up in precarious situations. This fic is "Dollface," a story about a particular demon falling into one of those very situations.

CW: The main character is afab, uses she/her pronouns. This story is meant to be somewhat curvy/plus-sized reader insert, but the main character is given a physical description, but it's not crucial to the story or mentioned often after Part 1.

Themes: Romance. Magic. Adventure.

Characters: Main Character. Diavolo, mention Barbatos.

Minors and ageless blogs DNI

18+ only

Enjoy.

Masterlist

I suppose this is what I get for opening that cursed text, Diavolo thought. Barbatos is going to be quite cross with me when I get back... Whenever that will be at this rate.

While the Demon Lord, his butler, and the seven brothers were visiting the human world, Diavolo had heard of and found a magical artifact exhibit to see if there were any authentic pieces. Often times, when these exhibits took place, they were full of fakes. However, he still enjoyed looking through them nonetheless. He was intrigued by reading the tall tales that accompanied these items, amused by the stories humans would come up with. On occasion, there would be an authentic item left behind by a witch or careless demon that somehow ended up there, and he would work to bring it back to the Devildom.

However, he was distracted by a commotion down the hall, and when he accidentally touched this cursed book before inspecting it, opening it just slightly, he found himself motionless on the floor, staring up at the lights on the ceiling and unable to move.

Hm, now, how do I get out of this? Surely there's a way to undo it...

The prince then began to cite a spell in his mind but felt the buzzing sensation of being barred from completing it. This curse had locked his magic, leaving him unable to perform anything to help.

Damn, this is a strong curse. I wonder what I am–

"What an adorable doll! I think maybe a child or someone dropped this. We should take it to the front desk," a woman said, hovering over the prince.

A doll?

"Alright, but hurry up. We're going to be late if we don't leave in two minutes," a man said next to her.

The woman picked up Diavolo, her gentle hands holding onto his entire body. He merely watched as he took in her features as she peered down at him. She dropped him back down to her side and began walking away from where he was once standing.

Oh, I'm going to be sick. This is worse than some of the rides at Devil's Coast, he thought. Ah, I suppose I won't actually vomit now. Still, this is dizzying.

"Hi, I found this doll on the ground and wanted to know if a child was looking for it?" The woman said, stopping at the front desk of the exhibit.

"Not yet, but we can hang onto it just in case when the kid realizes it's gone," a man replied.

"Oh good, here," she said, handing the prince to the employee.

Diavolo looked to see a grouchy-looking older gentleman holding him now and was quickly thrown into a dark desk drawer with little decorum.

Well, now what?

---

This is definitely not good, Diavolo thought as he stared ahead at the envelope he was in.

About two weeks ago, he was taken to some adult woman's house, still unsure how he came to her possession, where he was given a tag around his back left leg, sealed in a plastic bag, and sat to wait in what seemed to be an office. He looked around at the other dolls, figures, and toys around him, wondering if they had met the same fate as him. It was unlikely, but at least he could look at a few of them, finding some entertainment in imagining what movies or games they were from.

Then, one day, the woman took him and placed him in what seemed to be a mailing envelope, along with a card he decided to read as entertainment while he spent two weeks being shipped to hell knew where. It was in another language, but some of it he could read, as it essentially said thank you for ordering this product.

Barbatos is going to kill me, he thought to himself at one point. It seems I have been purchased and being sent to someone else.

While he was loaded into airplanes, thrown into trucks, and passed from person to person in this envelope, he was coming up with ways to apologize to his butler and the brothers, no doubt thinking they were absolutely frantic looking for him. Surely, all eight of them will lock him up in his castle for an eternity to work on his paperwork for causing such a fiasco.

Finally, he had come to rest in one place for two days, and that's when he heard her voice for the first time.

"Hi there, I have a package I need to pick up. I'm not sure if you have it or if the postman took it," he heard a youthful feminine voice call out.

"Let me see... Yes, we have it! From out of the country– Japan, I see. How interesting," another older sounding feminine voice replied, picking up his envelope and carrying him a few feet before placing it on a surface.

"Yes! I'm very excited," she replied.

"Just sign here."

After a few moments, Diavolo was moving again as he heard a "Thank you so much!" in a highly cheerful voice.

As he was carried away, he could tell the envelope was being hugged tightly, as he wasn't moving too much and felt pressure around him, though he could tell they were walking. He heard what seemed like a car door unlock, and the two swung inside of it, the door shutting and an engine starting.

Suddenly, he could hear the envelope being torn open, and a hand reached in to carefully pull him in his plastic bag out. He was faced away from the person holding him, looking to see the black interior of the car he had been taken to, taking in the new scenery for the first time in weeks. The clear plastic wrap was peeled open, and he was carefully pulled out of it, seeing an ivory hand with black, sharp nails holding him. He was then turned around, and he saw for the first time who was now holding him, the first new face in weeks.

Oh.

"Hi there. You're so cute..." she murmured a greeting with a sweet smile on her lips. Her thumb ran across his body and hair.

Diavolo took her in as well. She was an adorable blonde with intricate makeup applied to her face. He saw her glittering purple lids with sharp black liner, beautiful lashes batting as she looked at him. He felt that he would be blushing if he actually could with how she inspected him so closely. Her eyes crinkled with adoration lacing her gaze, and he noticed her darling shadow blue eyes sparkling down at him. He also appreciated her full cheeks and round face. Her soft touch wasn't unnoticed either, how she gently caressed his form, even with her claw-like nails. Her lips held a soft shine to them, small in size but with a pouty lower lip and very muted pink in color, now curling into a charming smile.

Well, it could be worse.

"I'm so happy to have you..." she murmured again, holding his body gently in her palm as she continued to thumb over his hair. Her hand was warm, and her touch was careful, as if he was porcelain instead of a plush velvet doll. She turned him over a few times, carefully pulling on his garnet overcoat, before turning him to face her again.

Could be a lot worse. She seems nice, at least.

He was then placed on what seemed to be the seat next to her as she started buckling a seat belt and turning on some music in the car. It sounded like pop music, and from his seat in the car, he could easily see her, watching as she reversed the car and then drove off.

Their car ride lasted for a little while, and Diavolo had the privilege of listening to her sing to the radio and pick up what seemed to be her lunch.

This isn't so bad. She's a good driver, her voice is lovely, she seems sweet. Well, I guess this is better than the alternative while I wait for help.

When they reached their destination and the car stopped, he watched her eat a sandwich, switching radio stations to a orchestral one. After she was done, he saw her reach over to hold him again, and he was face to face with her once more.

"I'll just take you to class with me," she mumbled. "I don't want to leave you in the car."

Class?

After a few minutes, he was placed into what he saw to be a pink backpack, and he looked ahead to see a textbook, calculator, and some other items he didn't quite recognize. The zipper closed, and he felt them starting to walk again, followed by a car door shutting and a beep to lock it.

It was a few hours before she picked him up again. He sat through what sounded to be some physics and chemistry courses, and he was rather impressed with her. She answered questions like a pro, and he was rather curious to know more about her. He also overheard her conversations with others, like her professors and how friendly they were to each other. She was clearly studious and on top of things, sounding like a successful student, but he noticed how she always seemed uncertain, or rather, he realized, how anxious she seemed.

It was finally when they reached what he thought was her car again, that the bag was set down, and she opened it to pull him out. She seemed a little tired, some creases under her eyes now, but he was distracted when she put him in the front pocket of her jacket up high on her chest, facing out to see the world ahead.

Oh, this is lovely, I can finally see where we're going, he thought cheerfully.

She put on her seat belt, reversed out of the parking spot, and off they went again. He took in the scope of her world, watching the soccer fields, parks, buildings, and scenery that passed by. She started singing again, now listening to heavy metal, to his surprise.

An intriguing human. As sweet as she sounds and looks, she listens to music about rage and death, but still in her lilted and soft singing voice right in my ear. Now that I think about this, this is an excellent opportunity to learn more about humans.

After around fifteen minutes, Diavolo watched as they entered a residential neighborhood, small and large houses whirling by as she drove down the street. They pulled into an alley and then a driveway around the back of a house, the garage door opening as she straightened her car to pull in. After putting it in park, she got out and walked back to retrieve her backpack, close the garage door, and then walk inside the house.

He tried to take everything in as she walked inside the house. She walked down a dimly lit hallway, and then she made a turn to open the door. He looked out to see a turquoise room. There were black furnishings throughout, clothes strewn in a couple of places, and what seemed to be a vanity with makeup, lights, and mirrors on it.

The woman set her bag down on the floor near the door and started to take off her shoes and jacket, but not before taking the prince out of the pocket while she hung it up. She held him firmly but gently in her grasp as she walked around, and finally, she plopped down on her bed. Laying him on a pillow next to her head, he watched as she pulled out her phone and began scrolling through it.

Diavolo felt a little bad for looking, but he was at a point where he could easily see her phone, right next to her head, and he observed as she scrolled. He learned her name, figured out her age, a little bit about her interests, that she was a college student and caught a glimpse of what she was studying, and that she loved to write. It took him time to realize what she was doing as she opened an app and began typing quickly. From what he could read, she was a talented writer, clearly knowing how to illustrate feelings and showcase not only interesting but well thought out characters.

She suddenly yawned, clicking off her phone and rolling onto her side, facing him. Her eyes closed, and he looked at her in his peripheral.

She's even cute while she sleeps, he mused fondly. It's lovely to meet you.

After half an hour, she was up again, bringing her backpack over to the bed to pull out a laptop, tablet, and stylus. He watched her with interest as she played music from the laptop and began drawing.

Drawing, too? She has quite a few talents, it seems.

She looked over at the prince, tilting her head as if in thought.

"Maybe I should draw you sometime," she mused, turning back to what she was doing.

I'd like that.

---

Diavolo felt the human woman stir the next morning, and suddenly another light came on for about an hour, and she was out of sight for that long, until she came back and he realized she had put makeup on. He watched as she moved around, and suddenly, he was up in the air too, her small hand taking hold of him to place him in her pink backpack again. And thus began another day.

The prince listened to her music, her singing, the lectures she attended, which seemed vastly more challenging than the previous day with biochemistry and microbiology, and rode home once more. When they arrived home, they laid on her bed again while she scrolled through her phone.

She sure seems to lay in bed a lot.

"Ugh, my back," she groaned, rolling onto her side. From how he was laid up slightly against another pillow, he could fully look at her as she scrolled through her phone.

Well, that would explain it. Poor girl.

"Mm," she giggled wickedly, a naughty smile gracing her lips. Diavolo listened as she scrolled through many different videos over the next hour, her laughs and cackles like music to his ears. He watched her nearly cry with laughter, how her eyes and brows gave away so much of what she was thinking.

This was far better, he thought, than being locked away in some office or drawer, bored out of my mind.

Diavolo came to like this human woman. He enjoyed her company, even if she wasn't always directly talking to him. Her laugh and singing made him smile internally. The way she moved and spoke entranced him. They were somewhat like friends then, at least to him, as much as he was learning about her habits.

A friend. A human friend.

Though, it didn't take much to steer his thoughts away. He had been gone from the Devildom for quite some time, likely longest period yet without a way to contact everyone. Likely, Barbatos and the brothers were frantic to look for him, and here he was, a doll living with an adult woman who treated him like a beloved childhood toy, even after just a couple of days.

But maybe, just maybe, this wasn't so bad. He was learning so much about humans from this experience, and he could just relax while time ticked on. And if he had to spend this time with her until help arrived or the curse broke, then it wouldn't be so bad. She was sweet, good company, and rather loving. She was endearing. He was at the point where he wished he could talk back to her, desperately wanting to interact, to see how she would react to him in his full form.

Then it hit him. Would she like him? Would she be afraid of him? She was rather short, so maybe he would be too intimidating. He knew she was an anxious person, so what if he scared her? What if she wanted nothing to do with him?

Or would she enjoy him too? Would she let him get close? Could they touch? Would she like him gently caressing her as she had done to him? It felt a bit unfair how she could just hold, touch, or carry him as she pleased, when he wanted to do it and more to her as well. Would she want to kiss him? How would her lips feel? How do they taste? Maybe he was just curious about her, and his nature was getting the better of him. Or maybe, he could see himself getting to know her and finding there is more between them.

These thoughts and that many more plagued his mind as time passed, occupying him constantly.

Hear me, denizens of darkness, for this curse shall be broken in parts. First, the demon shall in perpetuity remain in motionlessness and silence until the beloved human shall retain affection for the doll and vice versa. For the love of a doll is to place one's emotions onto the doll. Once affection is reached and matained, may the effected demon be vocal in their returned affection. Second, should the effected demon hold these affections mutually, shall the two get closer. Let there be a forged fondness for one another. Only when the human may voice this fondness shall the doll be set free.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed.

Post made by sassykattery. Do not repost. Reblogs and comments appreciated.

Tags: @delphi-dreamin @itsmeninerz @flemmingbamse @attic-club-sandwich @bite-sized-devil @marvelous-maniac @themythicaldisaster

Next

[justgaara]

2022 JustGaara Christmas Card Exchange

Christmas is fast approaching so it’s time to send out Gaara Christmas greetings!

After last year’s hiccups, we’re back for 2022!

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN RECEIVING A CHRISTMAS GREETING FROM ME, NOW IS THE TIME TO LET ME KNOW!

To Receive a Christmas Card:

- I will only send cards to those who will send one in return!

- You will need to have been following @justgaara​ for at least a year to take part in this exchange. Previous participants in these exchanges are always welcomed back, no questions asked, because I know I can trust you :)

- You will need to provide me with a mailing address (these will stay strictly confidential, I will never give these out to anyone else) and I will give you mine

- If you don’t feel comfortable about sending a physical card, there is the option to exchange cards digitally! These can be sent to anyone regardless of how long you’ve been following the blog. I can explain these more in a separate post if you’re interested.

- Creating your own Christmas card is HIGHLY encouraged! You can make a card from scratch or personalise a store-bought card. I will be making my cards from scratch with my own illustrations adorning them, Gaara-themed of course! c:

This is a Gaara Christmas Card Exchange, the more Gaara the merrier!

- Please send an email to the following address :

justgaara191 @ gmail . com (minus the spaces)

If you have any questions or concerns about this, do let me know. If you’d prefer to communicate through the tumblr chat feature you can message me that way too. I won’t use the inbox as it can be iffy, and please don’t communicate through reblogs as there’s a high chance I won’t see it.

- Please contact me ASAP for these cards as they will need to be sent at the VERY latest on the 8th of November so they reach their destination in time (I’m personally in Australia and I know most of you are overseas. The mail is incredibly busy at Christmas time, plus the global pandemic makes everything even busier! The earlier cards are sent, the better!)

You have 3ish weeks from the time of this post to make your cards!

Please be polite and use manners. Remember, Santa is watching, you don’t want to fall onto the Naughty List at this time of year!

Do not express your interest in a reblog or I will not see it! Please fill out the form!

I will post updates regularly so please look out for those

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask!

Thank you, and Merry Christmas!

[form-sweet-form]

DRAMAtical Murder Flashback Goods on Animate Online!

Wanted to put all the updates in one spot since I kept reblogging it to help share the updated information.

Originally all the goods were only available in theatre and at Animate (Akihabara store) and SHIBUYA TSUTAYA B2F " shibuya 2.5d " corner Store.

For all Online Animate updates, I'll keep it to this post! You can see the post for the physical store goods here.

I personally use Zenmarket to proxy ship to me from Animate and it works really good. Just go to your account page and copy/paste the Animate Item's URL into the prompt from the "+ ADD A SHOP OR AUCTION ITEM URL" link. You'll then get the page on their site translated and see the "buy now" button.

Shipping within Japan is 594 yen plus the 300 yen zenmartket fee (per item.)

Animate Online will be adding all the goods for pre-order from:

TODAY To Sunday June 11th 23:59 (11:59pm JST / 10:59am EST)

Shipping will be late July.

■ Mail order site:

Animate mail order

We have decided to sell flashback performance goods for the brain crash drama "DRAMAtical Murder" at Animate mail order. Random acrylic stands will be sold on a made-to-order basis, and other performance goods will be sold while supplies last. Also, as a new item, orders for Aoba's (Naotake Tsuchiya) acrylic stand have also been decided! Please take this opportunity to purchase.

■Products handled

Performance pamphlet: 2,800 yen (2,546 yen excluding tax)

All 12 types of solo bromide: 600 yen each (546 yen excluding tax)

Aoba A is Naotake Tsuchiya, Aoba B is Seiichiro Nagata.

Random couple bromide all 7 types: 300 yen (273 yen excluding tax)

BLIND BAGS

Aoba will be Seiichiro Nagata.

14 types of random clear cards: 300 yen (273 yen excluding tax)

BLIND BAGS

Aoba will be Seiichiro Nagata.

Eco bag: 2,200 yen (2,000 yen excluding tax)

T-shirt: 3,300 yen (3,000 yen excluding tax)

Size Large Only.

■ Ordered products

Random acrylic stand 14 types: 1,200 yen (1,091 yen excluding tax)

BLIND BAGS

Aoba will be Seiichiro Nagata.

・ Acrylic stand Aoba (Naotake Tsuchiya) All 2 types: 1,500 yen each (1,364 yen excluding tax)

* You can choose the pattern.

[hellospriggan]

I'm giving serious thought to reopening my Patreon and would love to know what you think!

I had a Patreon about six years ago and really struggled with the idea that people would give me money just to see finished work, or even in-progress work/sketches, when that's something I already share online. I don't create work quickly enough to put some of it behind a paywall. (Honestly I don't want to put any behind a paywall.)

I have been designing a lot of stationary and enamel pins lately, and would love to offer a monthly club type format for physical rewards.

Tiers I'm currently considering:

Tip jar: no rewards, just a way to let me know you enjoy my work. But, maybe a yearly sticker for long-term supporters?

Digital rewards

Basic: Discount code for online shops, suggestion box/ voting for designs, access to a secret shop?? (*Again, don't really want to have a paywall. It would be more of an early access thing, leftovers would go in patron-only shop first, then move to my main shop later. Restocks not guaranteed, that sort of thing.)

Digital stationary: basic, plus: Monthly stationary design that you can download and print yourself. *International shipping is so expensive, this seems like a good way to avoid it.

Physical rewards

Stationary club: basic, plus: stationary that is mailed to you each month.

*Depending on price and interest, could be notepads/letter sets, postcards or greeting cards, yearly calendar, etc? I'd love to hear if you'd prefer the same thing each month, or different things?

Pin club: basic, plus: an enamel pin mailed to you each month.

Other thoughts: Shipping is seriously the bane of my existence... I'm in the US; I'd love to hear if you're in the US or not, to figure out if offering international tiers for the higher shipping is worth it. I never want to leave anyone out, but at the same time, I don't have the bandwidth to make extra work for myself. And I know it's crazy expensive right now.

If you're currently subscribed to (or running!) a Patreon like this, I'd love to know what you think. What do you like about it? What do you wish was different? Do you care about being able to vote on or suggest designs, or would you rather it was a surprise? Do you like getting a tangible reward, or do you just want to support your favorite creators without more stuff involved? When it comes to tangible rewards, would you rather be part of a Patreon, or just fund a project on Kickstarter, or just buy it in their shop when you want to?

Literally any thoughts you have on this, I would love to hear! Thanks!

[theunicornsystem]

Last weekend, we went camping and hiking at a state park. It was really pretty, and we saw three deer. We called five of our friends while we were at the cabin.   On the drive back, we went shopping at the outlet malls. A thing about having DID/OSDD is that you buy all sorts of clothes—feminine clothes, masculine clothes, childish clothes, formal clothes, colorful clothes, dark clothes… if someone were to look at our closet, they’d probably think “Oh, multiple people share that closet” and they’re technically not wrong.

We went to an indoor playground with our brother and we hadn’t been there in years. Afterward, we went to The Original Pancake House and got delicious strawberry crepes. Then, we went to the library and I got a bunch of books for the littles (child alters). Ruby likes The Critter Club, Dory Fantasmagory, and Sophie Mouse, and Evie likes all of those plus The Boxcar Children, The Babysitters Club, and The Magic Treehouse.

Two weekends ago, I had a tabling event for ANSR—Association for Nonsmokers Minnesota, we’re advocating to end the sale of flavored tobacco. The tabling event was at a Powwow—Native American dance. It was the first Powwow I’d been to. A girl from another school and I got over 100 people to sign cards to mail to local governors advocating to end the sale of flavored tobacco. The ANSR advisors said that was amazing, that sometimes people only get around 20 cards signed, and that we got more cards signed than any time he’s ever seen. I said "Hi! We're association for nonsmokers, we're advocating to end the sale of flavored tobacco. Would you help support our cause by signing this card? Feel free to keep the pen and take candy, sticky notes, stickers, and chapstick. This (paper) is to spread awareness on ending the sale of flavored tobacco, and if you have anyone in your life trying to quit, this (paper) is a resource.” It was a pretty big boost to my confidence, and I also got paid for it. 

Last week, my DECA advisor gave me a shirt he’d gotten for me from the state competition. He said he felt like I worked so hard, put in so much effort, and that my business plan was so good, and that didn’t get acknowledged at the district competition. He got me the shirt because he felt like I should’ve been at the state competition, and that meant a lot to me. After he came back from the national 2024 DECA competition in Anaheim California, he told me that somebody from our school placed top 10 in one of the competitive events. While I wish I could’ve been there, I’m really happy for her.

This weekend, I watched the Disney movie Wish with my mentor. I thought it was good. I won’t give any spoilers. The star was really cute. 

There was a girl at school, and I’ve seen that she has some issues, she swears at people a lot and gets into physical fights. She came up to me and I was wearing a shirt that said “Gender-affirming healthcare saves lives”. She read it out loud and laughed, then got her friends’ attention and they laughed at me too. I was kind of frustrated because it’s hard enough to exist as a trans person without other people’s disrespect and hate. Then she asked, “What’s your opinion on vaping in the bathroom?” I didn’t want to tell her how against it I was because she’d likely retaliate against me, so I hesitated and said “Uh, I’m not going to answer that.” Then, the next day, she came up to me with her friends and said “What do you think about vaping?” I debated whether or not I should tell a behavior interventionist. I didn’t want to come off as the type of person who tattles on every little thing. But at the same time, I didn’t like how she was messing with me, and I’d seen her get aggressive with people before. I did end up telling a behavior interventionist after the second time, he talked to her and she’s going to leave me alone now. If she messes with me again, he says I should stand up to her, that she’s not going to get physically aggressive with me, and tell a behavior interventionist right away.

To end on a good note, Evie (a child alter) was reading Dory Fantasmagory on our Instagram live and lots of friends were there watching and commenting. Eventually, Avery and I came to front, and we googled fun and lighthearted questions to ask each other and shared our answers. It was a really lovely time and we’re grateful for all our online friends. 

Thank you for all your support and encouragement!

[theeclecticwitchblog240]

Hey fellow Witches & Wizards, how are we doing?? It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything and I feel the need to share an experience of mine….

I Live in an apt that’s 3 levels. I live in the middle. For the last 7-8 months now I’ve been tormented by the people directly above me. I’ve been threatened with physical violence, they attempted to kick in my door multiple times then took it to egging my front door. Plus the amount of noise they make during the day is just plain ridiculously absurd! One morning I was rudely woken up by them, then at 7am she decided to come bang on my door and threatened me with the classic “watch your back!” Line. So in my state of anger and frustration I decided to take back my power and petitioned my chosen Deity The Queen Mother, maiden, & crone Hekate for help! And boy did she deliver!! It was rather comforting when I cast my spell for help. During the ceremony I had this overwhelming feeling of energy flowing through me coursing through my whole body like I was floating but standing firmly on the floor. I didn’t prep for it, I had not prepared any “spell” all I did was set my alter up light my Hekate offering candle, and simply offered myself to her in exchange for help!

Afterwards, I sat and chanted my desire for help for at least 4 mins prolly more, (I didn’t keep time) til I felt all the energy flow out of me and I didn’t feel the “trance-like” feeling anymore. Next thing I did was I got out my Oracle deck I’ve dedicated to only being used for communication with Hekate and the rituals that involve her. I did my thing and shuffle the cards you know, and as I do so a card flew out…it was HER card!! Of all the cards that could have been given, her card FLEW out! Per my ever growing Faith in The Triple Goddess, I took that as my sign my petition reached her and was heard.

I got my concrete proof the other day when I went and checked the mailbox…I was going through the pile of letters and came across one from my apartments. Since I live alone with my young child, I didn’t think much of it cause it had my last name on it….well come to find out it was actually addressed to upstairs and got delivered to my mailbox by mistake. It wasn’t until I’d already opened it and started to read it that I figured out the mistake by the mail carrier. The property manager has decided to terminate their lease and they have 1 month to vacate otherwise it will be taken to court for legal action against them.

What are the odds I’d receive THAT letter you know?! I’m firmly giving Hekate the credit for granting my prayers! She has really come through for me! I’d been begging for answers about how much longer I’m forced to live like this. With that letter being delivered to my box, I now have my answers!

Thank you Mother Hekate for having my back! And Thank you for always helping me when I really need it! 🥰🤩

[arabellaflynn]

Holiday Housekeeping!

Hello all! The year is drawing to a close. FINALLY. I have good news and bad news, as usual.

The bad news is that my last steady gig sent me an email this morning telling me they won't be needing me after Thanksgiving. I am beyond pissed. Not at the lack of work; they essentially provide support services for ongoing events, so if there are no events, there's nothing to give me, and they have no control over that. What I'm pissed about is that these clients are supposed to be signing contracts for a fixed period of time/number of events, but they're letting people alter or cancel their contracts with basically no notice, and no penalty. They book me for a thing, I block off those dates and budget accordingly, then whoops! Event vanishes halfway through.

I was already looking for another job, but I guess now I have more free time to do it in. 

The good news is that I have some grant applications in process right now, and will almost certainly get one of them. The Mass Cultural Council offered recovery grants, with no strings attached -- the entire application was pretty much, "Are you an artist? Do you live in MA? Would you like some money?" Everything else is more merit-based and has to go through panels and committees first, but there is no Earthly reason that MCC would not award me that grant, so there is a good chance I will be getting $5000 somewhere in January. I realize this is not a huge amount of money to most people, but that's about six months' living expenses for me.

Unfortunately, January is still a ways away, so my Christmas list, for the third year in a row, is basically just "survival". Money is most useful and goes here or here. I do realize that you guys are here for entertainment, and "blogger pays rent!" is not very fun to read, but my Amazon Wish List is not much better. Mostly I wish someone would magically mail me shampoo and socks so that I don't have to worry about buying them. I did turn on the option that lets you ship other things along with Wish List items, so if anyone is dying to send me candy, have at.

If you wish to send the rats some holiday gifts... well, I don't blame you, they are almost criminally cute. Their Wish List is here. I put the kibosh on the 50 lb wheel of parmesan cheese, but it does include a lot of snacks, cuddly cage blankets, and the little hanging baskets they have so much fun with. You can also ship them random things, but please bear in mind that cage furnishings have to be either disposable, or made of something that is bleachable/boilable. Wood and other porous material will quickly become suffused with, shall we say, 'essence of rat' and will never be clean again. Rats, like dogs, are adorably disgusting.

Ratsgiving and Ratmas are not being canceled; they go up on Patreon, and are therefore work expenses. Plus it will force me to eat something other than beans and rice for a bit. I already bought most of the decorations before the bad news hit, anyway. I'm also running a promotion where anyone signed up to either this Patreon or my art/dance one by December 15th for $5 or more will get a Ratmas e-card, and $20 or more will be getting a physical Ratmas card, so keep an eye out for that.

I've tried to make the past few Advent Calendars more community-minded but this year I'm saying fuck it, I'm just going to spend a month writing about something I enjoy contemplating. Probably history of media/video games. I might also take another stab at streaming. I won't be on camera this time; the only private space I'd have to stream is in my bedroom, which is nowhere near big enough for a set, and unfortunately the gaming setup and the facecam setup in here are mutually exclusive. A Let's Play style stream with me on headset is the best I can do.

I'm just really tired, you guys. I want 2023 to be better.

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[tronictrust]

Contact book of the month

#CONTACT BOOK OF THE MONTH PLUS#

#CONTACT BOOK OF THE MONTH FREE#

Your membership becomes active on the day of your registration. Sign up by Septemat 11:59pm CST to be a part of the October Book Club!īRING YOUR OWN BOOK (BYOB) DIGITAL CONTENT MEMBERSHIPīecome a member of the Jen Hatmaker Book Club and enjoy a monthly membership for only $9.99 per month.įlexibility to Bring Your Own Book of the Month in whatever format you choose! (Jen Hatmaker Book Club will not provide a book for you but you can follow along with the reading by using a book format of your choice like an eBook, library book, already purchased book, audio book, or however you want to follow along.) Shipping and Handling fees vary for orders shipped outside of the U.S. *An additional $4.95 Shipping & Handling fee will be included at checkout for orders in the United States (U.S.). Member only digital events and experiences

#CONTACT BOOK OF THE MONTH PLUS#

Sign up and join us for the October book club.īecome a member of the Jen Hatmaker Book Club and enjoy a monthly membership for $32.99 per month* plus shipping and handling.īook Box mailed directly to you by the 1st day of each month, which includes:Ī physical copy of the featured book of the monthĪccess to our private Jen Hatmaker Book Club Facebook group and a monthly Facebook Live with Jen HatmakerĬustomized book-related materials, such as chapter summaries, a reading plan, discussion questions, and other great digital resources just for the Jen Hatmaker Book ClubĪn exclusive video podcast with Jen Hatmaker and the author or other special guest I really can’t wait to connect with each and every one of you and read together. With all of this, I really want to encourage both virtual and real-life camaraderie, conversation, and connection - you may even meet some new friends. We have two options for you to join: a physical book box membership - which includes everything listed above AND a monthly book box delivered right to you or a digital membership - which also includes everything listed above - where you can Bring Your Own Book (BYOB). Plus, we'll have some other fun surprises and special bonuses along the way. You'll also receive access to our private Jen Hatmaker Book Club Facebook group and an exclusive video podcast with the author or other special guest (separate from my For The Love podcast!). And since I know how much you do too, here it is!Įvery month, I’ll be featuring a different book: fiction, non-fiction, biographies, collection of short stories, anything… The only requirement is that the book has delighted, inspired, or impacted me enough to share it, in the hope that its pages will do the same for you.Īs a member, you'll receive the book, chapter summaries, reading plan, and weekly group discussion questions. That’s an additional two books each year for no additional cost.Y’all know how much I LOVE books. Plus, when the end of the year rolls around, you get one of the top 5 Book of the Month selections from the year for free.

#CONTACT BOOK OF THE MONTH FREE#

Once you’ve chosen your 12th book from Book of the Month, you join the BFF club and get a special Book of the Month tote.Īfter that, you’ll get a free add-on every year for your birthday month. If you are interested in joining, you can use my Book of the Month Club referral link to get your first book for $10!īut wait, there’s more. For a hardcover of a new release, both prices are a steal.Įven better, when you include additional books into your box, they are only $10 each!īook of the Month also offers 3, 6, and 9-month gift cards if you are considering purchasing it as a gift.įor new subscribers, Book of the Month’s homepage almost always has a special offer to get your first book for $10. If you are willing to pay upfront, the yearly plan gives you 12 credits for $150, which averages out to $12.50 a book. On the monthly plan, you get one credit a month for $15. Book of the Month Club runs two different pricing plans.

[robertdowneyjjr]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 💕😄🎉

THANK YOU MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY LIFE.

[yardsards]

i love writing letters with my fancy little feather pen and sticking them in fancy handmade envelopes and putting things like pressed flowers in there and spraying it with my cologne and sealing it with a wax seal. but.

there's just not many opportunities for that. like my life is boring as all shit there's nothing to write about and if there were i'd tell it to that friend over the internet rather than via mail and i don't even have most of my friends' addresses bc online friendship. and there are websites to get matched w a stranger as a penpal but like i don't wanna give my address out all willy-nilly like that, y'know?

[theunstuffedpepper]

Somehow it’s December already? And I’m 12 weeks along? The 12-week mark feels like a nice milestone. I’ve got some major pelvic aches but a lot of the nausea and exhaustion is getting better, thankfully. I’ve got my NT scan on Wednesday of this coming week and my parents are coming up to visit and watch pep that morning so that B can actually come along and see his first ever ultrasound. Exciting! I’m also on vacation all week — double exciting — though I’ll still have to be available to check/respond to emails and join a few meetings. Sigh.

We were gifted (another) Hello Fresh box way, way long ago and couldn’t redeem it until recently for some odd reason, and after this one, I’m convinced Hello Fresh is not for us. While the meals are tasty for the most part, there are never leftovers, and I’m not a huge fan of having to cook a new meal every single day with not a scrap left over. I’m gonna have to figure out an easy meal solution for after baby #2 comes along. Maybe Factor 45, like @losingitinvirginia is doing? Though we’re a household without a microwave, so.. I dunno. I’ve got time to figure it out.

Randomly, I joined a local mom-group book club and the first meeting I’ll be joining is next week. I borrowed the book (“In a Holidaze”) from my local library three weeks ago and naturally I’m only like 1/4 of the way through it. I just cannot find time to sit and physically read things lately. Because of that, I decided to get the Libby app and start listening to audio books. I have plenty of time to listen to podcasts, so why not audio books? Plus, I seem to be running out of murder podcasts to listen to. 🤦🏻‍♀️ The few books I’ve looked up so far are all out with multiple holds on each copy, but that’s fine. I’ll get to them eventually. If you have book recommendations, please lay them on me!

We’re not doing much holiday decorating this year, which is bumming me out a small bit, but it’s for the best. We always get a real tree each year, and with pep being on the brink of walking and at the stage where EVERY tiny thing goes immediately in his mouth, it doesn’t make sense to go through the trouble of getting a real tree only to stress about every little pine needle getting sucked up by our resident baby vacuum. Plus, we’re traveling to NJ again for Christmas, so we won’t even be here to open presents under our own tree. Maybe next year.

That said.. we did manage to get some cute festive photos of pep for our first post-baby Christmas cards! We never do photo Christmas cards, but I wanted to start that tradition now that the family is growing. They get delivered Tuesday and I’m super excited to see them and mail them all out! If you’d like one, PM me your address! 🎄

[thatshithurted8]

Out Of Character

Summary: In which JJ and the Pogues are left confused as to why you ran off with Barry’s money, but their worry only increases when they find you in a brand new hot tub at John B’s. 

Hey! I have another idea for a Jj imagine. What if the reader and jj are dating and instead of jj in the hot tub scene it’s the reader because her mom is abusing her. Requested by: @joshy-obx

Word Count: 2.1k 

Warnings: Mention of physical/verbal abuse, panic attack and injuries. 

Every member of the Pogues had their own respective roles, which made the group click so well. Kie was the mom of the group, always scolding the boys for doing something stupid while simultaneously giving out amazing advice. Pope was the smart and logical one, and despite him being the only one out of the group with a promising future he would do anything for his friends. John B was seemingly the leader of the five teenagers and he was known as being strong willed. He could get things done no matter what the risks were. JJ was the smart ass, but also the one who always got the group into trouble. No one could really relax around JJ as he was always causing trouble. And lastly there was you. Your role in the group was being the strong and optimistic one. When things got rough you were always the first one to look at the bright side, in fact none of the Pogues have ever seen you cry. 

So when you seemingly acted on pure impulse and adrenaline the rest of the Pogues were shocked and at a lack of words seeing you get defensive for stealing Barry’s money, causing you to ultimately run off with it. It wouldn’t be until later that night that they would understand the reasoning behind your actions. 

When you ran off naturally the Pogues searched for you since you were acting so out of character. However, JJ was the most worried. You two have been dating for the past year and have been friends for the last five. Over the years you and JJ have gotten extremely close so it alarmed him to see you act out. 

The four remaining Pogues plus Sarah all split up to look for you. Sarah and John B went together while Pope and Kie went off on their own as well. JJ went off by himself, making sure to check every spot he knew you would go to like where you guys went on your first date or where JJ would find you after you had a rough day at home and you needed to clear your head. Despite the groups efforts they couldn’t find you. 

Obviously JJ wasn’t going to give up on looking for you, but he hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning so he found himself walking up to the chateau. As he steps foot on the property the whole yard is illuminated by fairy lights strung throughout the trees. 

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion, none of that stuff was there when they left this morning. The blonde rounds the corner and his heart drops when he sees you sitting in a brand new hot tub. 

“Y/N?” He calls out while walking over to you, his hunger being completely forgotten. 

“Yoo I’ve been waiting for you to get here!” You exclaim as your eyes fall onto your boyfriends figure. 

“What is all this?” The blonde asks reaching the hot tub while looking around at his surroundings. 

“I decided to get something nice for my family for once.” You slur. JJ looks around the hot tub and notices beer cans in the cup holders and some were even floating in the warm water. 

“Y/N you can’t be serious right? You stole money from a drug dealer and spent it on a fucking hot tub! He’s going to kill you.” JJ stresses, but you simply roll your eyes. 

Just as JJ was about to open his mouth to give you another lecture your attention moves to find the sound of a car door being shut. A smile appears on your face when you see your best friends Kie and Pope start to walk over to you two after Kie locked the car. 

“Hey what’s up guys!” You exclaim raising your arms above your head like a referee calling a field goal. 

“What the hell Y/N?” Kie asks as her and Pope make it over to JJ’s side who had his arms crossed over his chest and a furrow deep in his brow. Pope and Kie looked at JJ confused, but he only answered with a shrug, he was out of the loop as much as they were.

“I was hoping you guys would be coming! Hey look at this.” You say pressing a few buttons causing a disco ball above you that none of the Pogues noticed before to start spinning and the jets in the hot tub to splash upwards. 

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion when your friends don’t look amazed by the cool features in front of them. With that being said you really wanted to impress them and have them join you so with a swig of your beer you start to press random buttons hoping something cool would happen. 

“What the hell did she do?” Pope asks turning to JJ. 

“I don’t know man it was like this when I got here.” 

Kiara turns around to try and convince you to get out of the hot tub so they can understand what the hell happened and why you seemingly had a breakdown, but the sound of the screen door opening and closing causes you all to look over at the chateau. Your younger brother and sister run down the steps of the porch and race each other to the hot tub. This only causes JJ, Pope and Kie to become even more confused. It was a known fact that you didn’t allow the two kids to be out this late. After all you’ve been practically raising them since you were ten. 

“Y/N our movie finished can we come in?” Your brother Braxton asks dipping his hand into the warm water while your sister, Moira gave you puppy dog eyes.  

“Of course!” You exclaim while giggling, causing your siblings to turn around and race back into the chateau giggling, to get changed into their bathing suits. 

“Uh Y/N shouldn’t they be in bed?” Kie asks once the rambunctious kids were back inside and out of ear shot. 

“Who cares? My mom and step dad don’t and my dad doesn’t either so why should I?”

“What do you mean your dad doesn’t care?” JJ asks, the last time he checked your dad was living on the main land with your step mom and you guys were welcome to stay with him when ever. 

You simply roll your eyes and take another gulp of beer before throwing the now empty can somewhere in the yard. “I was going to ship Brax and Mo off to see my dad.” You slur while saying your siblings nicknames. 

“But when I called him all I got was voice mail. He says that we can come and visit when ever, but he doesn’t mean it. He’s too happy with his new family and we’d just ruin everything.” You recall sitting back into the warmth and jets of the tub while allowing your legs to float up, your toes poking out of the water. 

“Who cares right? Now we have this sick hot tub!” 

“You could’ve still got them plane tickets!” JJ exclaims, Kie cutting him off right after, “Or you could’ve donated the money to literally any charity!” 

“Or even give Barry the money back, he’s going to kill us you guys!” Pope stresses looking at everyone in the group. 

Annoyed with your boyfriend’s and best friends critiques to your actions you stand up quickly, water falling off of your body. “Well I didn’t okay! I spent the money on something my friends - no something my family can enjoy so if you guys are going to keep on judging me and my fucking decisions then leave!” 

Chills run up JJ’s spine at your speech and how your torso looked when you finally stood up. Along your stomach, especially around your rib cage were dark bruises and a few cuts. As Kie and Pope realize the damage done to your body as well, the yard falls silent except for the sound of crickets and the hot tubs jets. 

“Y/N.” JJ says softly stepping closer to the edge of the hot tub. He was filled with anger, knowing exactly who did this to you, but all he wanted to do was comfort you the same way you do when he endures a beating. 

Neither you or JJ notice Kie and Pope scurrying to the chateau’s porch to bring Braxton and Moira back inside who just came back out, clad in their swim suits. 

“It’s fine J.” You say, tears welling up in your eyes. 

Your boyfriend kicks off his boots and socks before stepping into the hot tub, not caring that his cargo shorts and the contents in the pockets were now wet. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you towards your chest. Once your cheek makes contact with his shirt you let the emotions that you have held in for so long out. 

JJ knew your home life wasn’t ideal, but he didn’t know it was this bad. You have always been so strong. Even when he would meet you at your special spot in the boneyard when you were having a rough night you never even implied that you were getting physically abused. Yes, he knew your coked up mom and step dad were both verbally abusive which was still horrible he had no idea things have gotten physical. A part of JJ felt as if he let you down since he had no inkling as to what was happening to you when you were at home, causing a part of his heart to break especially knowing you have been there bandaging up his cuts and scrapes from his father while your own bruises and injuries were healing themselves. 

“I just wanted to be a good sister for once and get them out of there, but it didn’t work nothing ever works.” 

“Hey hey look at me.” JJ says pulling back and holding your face in his large hands. “You are a great sister to Braxton and Moira. Without you they would have nothing. You are the best thing that has happened to them and they love you so much.” 

You simply look into your boyfriends eyes with tears falling down your face. Seeing you like this made JJ’s heartache. “You know that right?” He asks to make sure since you didn’t look too convinced from what he said. 

In all honesty you knew how much your siblings valued and loved you, but life was tough. You never signed up to be Moira’s and Braxton’s primary caregiver, especially at such a young age. Nonetheless you had to do what you had to do, you had to play with the cards you were dealt. However, at this point you were so tired. So tired of playing mom, balancing school, searching for the gold and being the brunt of the physical and verbal abuse from your mom and step dad. You wanted to give up, but the way JJ looked at you made you realize that you couldn’t.

Nodding your head yes you let out another sob before pulling JJ closer to you. 

- 

JJ walks out of his bedroom where you were currently sleeping, and he makes sure to close the door behind him quietly. He walks down the hallway into the living room where he found Kie, Pope, John B and Sarah. The rooms atmosphere felt tense as all the teenagers were concerned and worried for you. 

The blonde was successful in calming you down and getting you out of the hot tub after your emotional moment. He ran you a bath and bathed you while your body continued to tremor from the after shock of your panic attack. While he dried you off and bandaged your injuries John B and Sarah returned, confused as the other Pogues just an hour before. Kie explained to the couple what happened as Pope tiptoed out of John B’s room where Braxton and Moira were sleeping, he just got them to fall asleep. 

“How is she?” Sarah asks quietly, worry evident all over her face once she see’s JJ walk into the room. The rest of the Pogues look up at the blonde expectantly. 

“She’s as good as she can be right now.” JJ says quietly while walking over to the screen door where his boots were. The four teenagers watch him as he slips them on. 

“Where are you going?” John B asks.

“If Y/N wakes up tell her I’ll be back soon.” JJ says ignoring John B’s question before opening the door and walking down the steps of the front porch. 

JJ was going to make sure that your step dad and mom never laid a finger on you or your siblings ever again. 

- 

Question of the day: What is your “role” in your friend group? 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Letter 26: 💪🦌 Bulk Up! 🦌💪

A letter arrives in the mail. Actually, it’s a post card. On one side is beautiful scenery of a wooded area, sunlight peeking through the space between the leaves and branches. On the other side is a message set in uneven but enthusiastic handwriting.

A map, and a second piece of paper, comes with the letter. The map depicts a forest by the base of a mountain. And on the paper? A highly detailed diet and exercise plan is written upon it, along with a checklist of items.

***Spoilers for Camp VARGAS! event!***

Prefect!!

Pack your bags! You’re coming with me and the athletic clubs on a special three-day camping retreat!! I’ll need you to be the score keeper while I run the boys through the wringer. Like they say, “no pain, no gain... and pain needs a score keeper”! That’s how it goes, right?

The great outdoors is the perfect place for training. It forces you to go without technology and all those other gadgets that we’ve become so used to. You go back to the basics, relying only on your own skill and what Mother Nature gives you to use. Of course, that means no magical pens and no cell phones, even for our score keeper. Bring only what you need to survive in the wilderness!!

Speaking of survival, I have to admit I’m surprised. You’re sturdier than you look, to have made it this far into the school year without magic! NRC’s got a bunch of rascals running around picking fights, plus all those Overblot incidents lately... You gotta stay vigilant and safe, kid.

Even so!! This coach can’t always be there breathing down your neck and keeping you out of trouble. Someday, your luck might run out and you’ll be seriously injured. Maybe even killed. Magic’s tricky that way—it can heal, and it can hurt.

All the teachers are tough on you guys because of that. We don’t want to hear about any of our students harming themselves, or each other. Magicless people are especially at risk, since they can’t defend themselves against spells and curses.

That’s why it’s important for you to also get in on the training! You can’t use magic, but we can work on strengthening your other attributes!! Arm muscles! Leg muscles!! Core muscles!!! Your body’s just a flabby thing now, but we’ll break it down and reshape it into a temple (though not as perfect as mine)!!

You’re without magic at a school of magicians in training. Because of that, you’re automatically at a disadvantage compared to everyone else—but just because you’re at a disadvantage, that doesn’t mean you should use that as an excuse to avoid putting forth effort. It just means you’ve got to work a lot harder to catch up to your peers. You’ve even got the potential to surpass them, I can feel it in my bones!

But that won’t just be given to you on a silver platter (it’s a real shame, but not everyone can be as perfectly chiseled as I am!). You need to earn it.

You won’t be alone, kid. You’ve got a strapping instructor here to guide you on your journey, plus all your first year friends to support you. Full of life and energy, that they are. They’ll be without magic for the training camp, too, so you’ll all be in the same boat, working toward the same goal. You’ve got great vibes together, so let’s put that to some good use and let that motivate us to bulk up more and more!!

Who knows? Maybe if you work hard enough, your muscles can be as big as mine one day!!

I’ll see you tomorrow morning bright and early so we can head out to the camping site as a group. Looking forward to it!

Muscularly,

💪 Ashton Vargas 💪

Flying Instructor

Athletic Club(s) Coach

Physical Education Department

[theliterateape]

When the World is On Fire, Who Can Laugh About Anything?

by Don Hall

I got up from my super comfortable reclining theater chair to run to the bathroom and I suddenly realized I was physically exhausted.

What? I had one beer during the movie. I sat for an hour and a half. Why am I so beat?

Then it hit me. The movie was Jackass Forever and I had just spent 90 minutes laughing my ass completely off.

When had I laughed that hard last? I couldn't recall the last time I laughed so much that my legs were gone for thirty minutes after. 

"Your sense of humor seems to be trending towards stupid." My wife was right. I'm not a fan of farce and, in general, I have a fairly dark sense of what's funny but it takes complete idiocy to actually evoke a laugh out of me.

I can appreciate the humor behind Ted Lasso and truly enjoy it but it doesn't make me laugh. For that, I need to watch an episode of Peacemaker, a James Gunn creation that has moments of such inanity it surprises me out of myself, my awareness that the hyperbole is that our democracy is ending, that COVID will never smooth out, that every instance of inequity is boiled down to skin color and culture, is all forgotten for a second and I belly laugh at something stupid coming out of John Cena's exquisitely chiseled face.

With Jackass it isn't just the sight of Steve-O standing naked on a pedestal with a full swarm of bees attached to his dick and balls that's funny. It's the gang of morons surrounding him as he does this stunt, cheering him on and laughing their asses off while he's doing it that brings on the Who Gives a Fuck About the January 6th Riot Right Now? giggles that expand into a physical convulsion of pure laughter.

Recently, my wife and I went to see some live theater. No small feat given the fact that live theater has been neutered for the past two years but there are a few small blackbox-type venues in Vegas and the Majestic Theater on Main Street in the Arts District is producing a musical parody of the 90's film The Craft.

Yes, we had to provide proof of vaccination (we did). Sure, it was $30.00 a pop plus a $12.00 beer (the company has to make some money and having produced blackbox theater in Chicago for fifteen years, I get it). The show was fun. Sometimes funny. I may have laughed out loud a few times and smiled throughout.

Except for the end of the first act. One of the actors broke the fourth wall to provide the audience with a late-stage trigger warning or apology for the non-PC attitude of the 90's on display. A virtue signal post-offense, I suppose. "We're going all in on our irreverence but want to apologize for it, too. Is that OK?" he seemed to be asking.

I didn't laugh the entire second act.

On the binge-watch front, I started watching The Good Fight based on my mother's enthusiastic recommendation. In Season Five, the third episode (I think) a stand up comedienne with a propensity to challenge racial and sexual norms for laughs hires the law firm to do a 'sensitivity read' of her upcoming televised special.

Turns out, at least in the minds of the series writers, lawyers aren't especially funny. One storyline has the lawyers changing the script to be more sensitive to current cultural mores and another has the mail room guy print up joke cards requiring people to relax and tell jokes about forbidden topics. The staff loves these cards; HR does not.

I hate to talk in terms of our side, this side, that side. But our side, the liberal progressives, the open-minded people – I don’t want us to be the scolds and the shushers. That was always the role of neoconservatives and the religious fundamentalists, to restrict and remove words. I don’t want our side to be the one that’s parsing language.

It just really, really bothers me, if the liberal progressives have now become the scolds. We were the Grouchos! We’re not the Margaret Dumonts — and we’re turning into the Margaret Dumonts on a lot of levels. That lets the misogynists and homophobes and racists seem like the rebels: “Well, we’re saying what people can’t say anymore.” We should be having way more fun with language and jokes and going too far. If our side starts doing that, then I think we’re fucked in terms of moving forward as a society. — Patton Oswalt

I love Patton. This is the same comedian who then later fell on his sword apologizing to the Margaret Dumonts of the Left for a decades-long friendship with Dave Chapelle.

Further illustrating his point is the recent trend of conservatives desperately trying to convince us how it is they who are, as Oswalt claims, "the rebels." White men starting exclusive groups because they aren't allowed to spout their advantaged masculinity without scrutiny. CEOs claiming victim status using the same language as actual victimized citizens. White Nationalists/Supremicists banding together online and bearing tiki torches purchased at Home Depot. PJ O'Rourke once in 2017 claiming that The Breakfast Clubis, in fact, a conservative film on its 30th Anniversary.

Like all of John’s movies, The Breakfast Club is conservative. Note that the first thing the disgruntled kids in detention do is not organize a protest, not express “class (of 1985) solidarity,” not chant “Students of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your locker combinations” and not claim it takes a Shermer to raise them.

They present themselves, like good conservatives do, as individuals and place the highest value, like this conservative does, on goofing off. Otherwise known as individual liberty.

O'Rourke makes an interesting case (you should read it)—I suspect he is correct in surmising that "a 2015 remake of The Breakfast Club [would need] Latino-American, African-American, Islamic-American, Born-Again Christian, Undocumented Alien, Feminist, Post-Feminist, Occupy Activist, Tea Party Member, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender… To cover all the bases of Identity Politics, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Anthony Michael Hall would have had to double- and triple-up. And wear some strange cosmetics."

That doesn't mean that the film is conservative (even if Hughes was a Reaganite). O'Rourke makes the mistake in stating that individualism and the belief in individual liberty is a conservative value. It is not.

Studies have shown that conservatives are far more in tune with ideologies that support conformity and the ability to enforce that homogenous view of how a citizen should respond to authority than progressives. Just because conservatives believe they should get to own assault rifles and protect their Christian values with the threat of violence doesn't indicate a love of individual freedom. It indicates a love of self interest over the interests of all others.

The Breakfast Club is, yes, a homogenous group racially but tracks five different types, filled with that conservative love of self above all others as they slowly learn empathy and common interests in the face of authoritarian requirements of fealty to the rules. And they do it by sharing stories with one another. So, rather than a conservative comedy, it is a comedy about abandoning the selfish, narcissistic ideology of the Right and learning to become more empathetic and progressive through common interest and community.

In recent years, the cultural left has come to be in tune with ideologies that support conformity and the ability to enforce that homogenous view of how a citizen should respond to authority as well as embracing this love of self above all others. That leaves us with no laughter except for when Johnny Knoxville electrocutes a piano player.

We on the Left mock those in power. That's our job. When we spend our energies knee-jerking after every perceived slight and tearing each other down, we open up the playing field for idiot savants like Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor-Greene to own the 'disenfranchised revolutionary" cloak. Does this mean we swallow everything everyone says with a grain of salt? YES. If we can't laugh at ourselves, we can't effectively mock anything else. THAT'S the lesson we learn from the Right. Laugh at ourselves or lose all credibility to play the Fool.

COVID (and our botched reactions to it) have taken a host of things we used to take for granted away. I miss relaxing in a restaurant without either fearing that the bartender fixing my drink is infected or noticing how stupid it is to wear a mask upon entering only to take it off to drink. I miss live theater. What I miss most is the opportunity to just throw down and fucking laugh like an idiot about, well, anything.

Thank god for Jackass. I appreciate the not-so-gentle reminder.

[reidscanehand]

Here's a ton

5- Spencer

14-Derek

15-Penelope

17-Hotch

22-JJ

24-Emily

Oooh yay - thank you for asking!

5. What is their love language? Spencer : So, not to get angsty straight off the bat, but I think Spencer's love languages would be very similar to my own. @spacedikut and @homoose have had very intelligent discourse about the idea of Spencer's love languages just being all of them equally, and, while I can very seriously get behind that idea, my love language score is equally split between Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Quality Time. And the reason I think this applies to Spencer is, due to his love map (they talk about this on CM and I'm kind of too stupid to talk about it good), I would say that these three are his love languages because he feels that he doesn't deserve to receive things like Physical Touch or Gifts. While Acts of Service is receiving something, it's not as direct as the other two and would be - as it is when people perform Acts of Service for me - overwhelming when that occurs.

14. What game do they always select for game night? Derek : I feel like Derek is a big fan of those novelty card games. Things like Cards Against Humanity, What Do You Meme, and First and Last. Fun games to make everybody laugh and take their minds off the really hard work that they do. Plus, those games easily segue into drinking games and I think that would be super fun!

15. What fandom do they write fanfic for? Penelope : So, definitely Doctor Who and I'm also going to say Harry Potter and I feel like she definitely wrote fanfic for Neville Longbottom because she relates to him on a nearly spiritual level. She cannot write angst and her smut is shocking, but her fluff is the most popular by far.

17. What sappy names do they give their loved one(s)? Hotch: I think Aaron is very sparing with nicknames and everyone has different ones. I think he called Haley ‘Lovey’, he calls Jack ‘Jack Attack’ and ‘Buddy’. Beth was ‘Sweetheart’. He’s careful and cautious and has been through a lot, so I think any new nickname takes time, but he also allows them to come naturally. If ‘Angel’ is what comes to mind, then that’s what he’ll say. However, I don’t see him as a ‘babe’ kind of guy.

22. What is their Starbucks order? JJ: This is a very mid-2000s answer, but I think she’d have a non-fat vanilla latte. As she got older and diet culture went away, she started to get full fat, but now she’d order an oat milk vanilla latte to be more environmentally conscious.

24. Which sappy romantic movie is their favorite? Do they admit to it? Emily: Emily is a Nora Ephron bitch. She loves Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail - that whole coterie of films. I think she would admit to it because they’re just genuinely good films. She does not admit to crying at them, though.

Thank you so much for asking! Feel free to send me any of these Happy Headcanon Asks!