#Pascal Abc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

something-tofightfor · 2 years

Text

Men Who Are Fighting to Be Warm: The NSFW ABCs of Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader (Just Too Good To Be Gone pairing), Joel Miller x Tess Servopoulos, Joel x female OCs (past)

Word count: 11,822

Rating: NSFW / E - The title says it all.

Warnings: This alludes to things that happen / are covered in TLOU 1 and 2, but doesn’t outright spoil anything at all.

Summary: Get to know Joel a little better in 26 different ways.

Author’s Note: Happy day after the TLOU HBO premiere, friends! This has been a LONG time coming - I think I’ve been jotting down ideas for some of these since winter 2021, but I never got around to compiling everything ... until now.

This is specifically for Just Too Good To Be Gone Joel - so it makes references to things that have happened in that universe. Individual reference pieces are linked appropriately, and the overall masterlist (in chronological order) is linked here, too.

Thanks for being patient here with me - this one is a LOT of fun.

To get alerted when I post new chapters/stories, follow @somethingtofightfor-shares and turn on post notifications - you can also ask to be added to my tag list (link in bio or at the top of my taglist reblog)

Just Too Good To Be Gone Masterlist

Song Suggestion: “Shelter From The Storm” by Bob Dylan

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Joel got so used to not lingering after sex post-outbreak that it’s going to take some time for him to relax and let himself stay. This is true for both pre and post outbreak encounters, but now is much different than it used to be, and he knows it.

This doesn’t mean that he immediately gets up and gets dressed and leaves the room - it just means that he’s not used to cuddling or getting intimate on an emotional level afterward. Conversation is one thing - personal pillow talk is another.

Joel is always very focused on you, though. Where before and with other partners (for the most part), you’d both finish and lay there for a minute recovering before you got up and did what you needed to do to clean up, being in Jackson gives you a little respite from having to be so methodical about things - and he knows this too even if he needs some time to adjust to it.

He’s always going to check in and make sure you’re alright and ask if you need anything. He’ll remind you where the bathroom is and that there’s water in the kitchen if you want it. He’ll ask if you want a new pair of socks to put on (the wooden floors in his house get cold) - and he’ll always remind you to get dressed before you fall asleep. (This is something that doesn’t ever change, even after years in Jackson. Sleeping naked is an absolute no-go for him, and he wants you to be ready just in case, too.)

The more he gets to know you, and the safer he feels in Jackson, the closer he wants to be as you come down and start to relax, even if he won’t compromise on the clothing thing.

He does miss the nights when he could fall asleep tangled up with someone - skin on skin, but the hints that he gets of it - a hand under your shirt and pressed against your stomach, the fabric riding up so that his forearm is laying against bare skin, the way you sleep in less in the warmer months, meaning that there’s more skin for him to enjoy … it’s all new for him and he loves every second of it.

Also, the first time Joel breaks his own rule and falls asleep without a shirt on after the two of you have caught your breath is one of your favorite memories with him in your time together (more on that later)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Joel’s favorite of his own body parts is something that might surprise you.

He knows that part of it is due to his strength and stature, but he also knows that his survival is thanks to quick thinking and a heightened reaction time. He’s damn proud of his brain and the way it can assess and adapt to different situations when necessary.

And he likes your mouth - for a variety of reasons, really, but mostly because he can tell exactly what kind of mood you’re in when he sees the set of your lips.

Amused? A tiny quirk of them to the right.

Unsure? You chew on the inside of your bottom one a lot.

Angry? He can see them pressed thin from a block away, and knows he - or whoever it is you’re interacting with - needs to tread carefully.

Excited - the way you always look when you see him for the first time each day? They’re stretched into a large smile, and sometimes your teeth are biting down on the corner of your lower one, the sparkle in your eyes almost too bright.

He also loves your mouth because of what it can do - and what it often does with various parts of his body.

Your favorite part of Joel?

His hands. And his arms. And his chest. You love how big he is everywhere, and how capable, and your favorite place to be is held tight by those hands and arms to that chest. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, even after everything you’ve been through, a few moments in his arms is enough to make you forget it all for just a little while - and neither of you would have it any other way.

Joel really likes it when you’re focused on something else and absently running your fingers over his - loves the way you linger on his knuckles, some of them permanently swollen from previous fights and being broken and then healing, loves the way you follow the tendons just beneath the skin on the back of his hand, tracing them down and to his wrist and then all the way to the band of his watch and then back up.

He loves the way your hands fit into his, and even though he thought he’d found his match all those years ago with Nadine, he didn’t realize just how wrong he was until the very first time you took his hand and held it on purpose.

… so maybe more than your mouth, Joel loves your hands just as much as you love his.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Joel loves the fact that he can safely finish inside of you - and that he doesn’t have to worry about pulling out. (Explanation here - but long story short, he had a vasectomy a couple years before the outbreak and it’s one of the best decisions he’s ever made for himself)

Joel loves seeing evidence of himself on your skin or his - the way he looks spread out over your belly or your fingers or on your thighs and chest, glistening in whatever light the two of you have to work with.

He doesn’t ever expect you to swallow if you’re going down on him when he comes, but the act of watching (and feeling) it happen turns him on more than he thought it would.

And when it comes to you and what your body does?

He loves feeling how turned on your get for him. He loves running his fingers over and through you, feeling how well they glide along your skin, loves pulling his hand away and seeing that you’ve soaked it. He really loves how your body responds to him - words or touch, and he’s actually damn proud of the fact that he’s made you come just as hard with his fingers as he can when he’s inside of you.

But one of Joel’s favorite things about you is the way you taste, coming hard over his tongue. He will never turn down an opportunity to go down on you, and he knows that once he’s gotten going, it doesn’t take much to pull you right over the edge, exactly how he wants to.

He’ll take his time, sure - if you’ve got it to spare, but in a perfect scenario for him, Joel will pull a quick orgasm out of you with his mouth or fingers, admire his handiwork, and then go slow for the second - savoring the taste and feel of you all over him until you’re begging him to stop and telling him how much you need him - not his hands or his mouth, but all of him.

And lucky for you, Joel’s always happy to oblige.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

We’re ignoring the elephant in the room for right now because we all know how he feels about THAT secret … so we’re going to go back to Teenage Joel for one of the two of these.

1. When Nadine told Joel that she was pregnant, his first instinct was to call her a liar - and his second was ask whose it was.

Was this shitty of him? Absolutely. But he was a scared 16/17 year old kid, and hadn’t ever dreamed that it could happen to him. (They were careful, and always used protection…but accidents happen, and while Joel had sometimes thought about what it would be like to have a family with Nadine, he never thought that it would happen so soon, before they could go to college and get jobs and all that).

Tommy doesn’t even know that he doubted that Sarah was his at first, and although he prides himself on not lying to you, telling you this secret is something that he doesn’t ever plan on revealing - not because it doesn’t matter, but because the moment he laid eyes on his little girl for the first time, he knew.

And he already feels so guilty about everything else that he’s been through and done that he doesn’t need to add something else to the pile - especially something else that neither of you can do anything about.

2. When Joel was with Penny, he was thinking about Tess - both times.

And he doesn’t know how to say that to you without making himself sound like an asshole, so he’s never told you that, either. And when you’ve told him that you’re upset that you couldn’t be his “first” experience in Jackson, he’s almost glad that you weren’t… because he doesn’t know if he would have been able to get the other woman’s face out of his head those first times, and there’s no way that he would have wanted to start things physically with you in that way.

He’s worried that if he tells you this, also, you’d be concerned that when he’s with you, he’s thinking of Tess. (He isn’t - and he never really has in the way he did with Penny)

The exceptions are the times you’ve brought it up, or he has - like the first night in his kitchen, or the night when the two of you were out on an overnight patrol and you flat out asked him to tell you about her and what they’d had - and after the briefest hesitation, the woman’s face flashing in his mind - he’d done just that.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Joel had five sexual partners before the outbreak: Nadine and four others in the 10 years that she was gone. (This is for actual sex; other things happened in that time period. Joel made the most of the nights his parents looked after Sarah so that he could have a break - but he was always careful so that there wasn’t going to be another ‘oops’.)

After the outbreak, the number increased by more than a couple - but after getting to Boston and meeting Tess, it dwindled … and then in the few years leading up to leaving the city, he was with Tess and Tess only because it was easier that way (and because that’s what he wanted even if he’d never admit it.)

Arguably, he’s more experienced with things that aren’t actual sex. But he’s patient and understanding. Joel is willing to learn his partner and their needs - when given the chance.

He’s really attentive, and because he’s spent so much time closely analyzing his surroundings, he has no issue staying focused and honing in on what you need and want from him - things he’s more than happy to give.

You always finish, even if he has to supplement with his hands and mouth - the first time you were together is the exception to this, and he’s definitely made up for that in the time you’ve spent in bed since.

You’ve never complained and never will about how well he does things. He’s overwhelming in bed like he is everywhere else, even when the two of you are taking it slow, but it’s nice to be with someone that has so much confidence in bed and isn’t afraid to test your limits and help you establish new ones … the same way you are with him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

You on top, hands down. He loves looking at you and being able to put his hands wherever he wants. He doesn’t mind missionary or the positions when you’re on your back at all, but that hinders him from being able to touch your skin - he loves splaying his fingers out and over as much of it as he can - and he knows you like it a hell of a lot, too. You being on your back, or having your back pressed against something makes this a lot harder.

He also really likes it when you’re both laying down and wrapped around each other. He can’t go as deep this way, but he can feel things - including your body - everywhere and against his and he loves it.

He won’t admit this out loud to anyone, but wanting proximity and access to someone else in bed is one of his most closely guarded secrets. In his mind, it’s a weakness to want so much of someone - but when you figure this out - that he just wants as much of you as he can possibly get at all times - you make sure that it happens as often as possible.

To be honest, you’re never going to turn down an opportunity to stare down at him, or lock eyes with him or watch the way his throat works when he’s gritting his teeth and trying to keep from crying out.

And you will certainly never want to put yourself in a position where you’re not able to feel the way his hands and fingers linger against your skin, digging into it when he’s flexing his hips or pulling yours down so that your bodies are as close as they can be.

You’ll take Joel any way you can have him - and he knows it, but won’t ever take advantage of you or your feelings just to get what he wants.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Joel’s demeanor changes in the leadup to - and during - sex. After so many years of it being a militaristic thing meant only for release and to act as a brief physical mood booster, it’s nice for him to be able to relax for a little while and not take things so seriously with you.

It’s also nice to hear him crack a joke or smile, which he does more and more as he gets comfortable with you both in the bedroom and out of it.

It’s really nice to have him wink up at you from between your legs, or use one of those stupid Texan phrases that make you laugh and snort, before your hands reach out to push him away playfully… or to pull him closer.

Ellie might be the queen of lame jokes and puns, but Joel’s the king - specifically because of the deadpan way he delivers them on a moment’s notice, and the fact that he has the ultimate poker face. You sometimes can’t tell whether or not he’s being serious or trying to get you to laugh. (It’s usually the laughing.)

But this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t treat the actual sex seriously - because he does.

While he tried to keep things casual after Nadine left, and then continued this after the outbreak, he let himself get a lot more involved with Tess than he intended… but he didn’t have many opportunities to joke around with her, or to let himself fully relax.

Getting Tess to crack a smile was a feat for him, and he didn’t know what to expect when it came to you … but he was happy to find out that you were more than receptive to his sense of humor and personality, even when he was still figuring out whether or not it was worth it to let himself fall back into old habits.

He understands that in Jackson, sex isn’t just about scratching an itch. It’s not meant to be a fleeting thing where he might never see the person he sleeps with again the way it was in Texas and Boston and all the places in between. He has to treat it - and the relationships he has with people like you and Maria and Ellie and the other residents of Jackson - like they mean something … and that means being himself and allowing things to get personal on some level.

But the moment he pulled you close under the blankets and let his beard scrape against your jaw, whispering one of his terrible jokes into your ear, you knew that even if he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself, he was already comfortable with you - and the relationship that you were building.

What was the joke, you ask?

What does a spy do when he gets cold?

He goes undercover.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

For Joel, grooming starts and ends at general hygiene. On the road and in Boston, it meant that he kept himself clean and dry when he could. Now that he’s in Jackson, he has a little more of a routine - and a chance to go back to “old” habits and behaviors. He changes and washes his clothes more frequently, can keep them clean and tidy on a daily basis, and doesn’t have to worry so much about keeping things only because they’re multi-functional - including soap and shampoo - and toothpaste.

The reappearance of electric trimming tools was a godsend for Joel, and even though when he first used them he got rid of almost everything below the waist just for a fresh start, after it grew back, he’s kept it maintained … but not super short or shaved. The same is true for his beard and hair, for the most part.

When he and Ellie first got back to Jackson, he had her trim his hair - and then shaved his beard completely off. It was the first time he’d been clean-shaven in almost a decade, and even though he probably won’t ever do it again, it was nice to see himself look younger and more put together than he had been as a Hunter and a Smuggler and while protecting Ellie and living on the road for months. It reminded him of the days before the outbreak and gave him a chance to say goodbye to that version of himself in a way that he’d never gotten to before.

It was a nice sendoff - and a reminder that time has passed, and he’s not the same man he used to be.

You’ve never complained about the way he grooms himself - because you understand that even though Jackson offers a lot of comforts and opportunities, it’s not before, and no one should expect it to be. However … you did tell him once that if he ever shaved his beard again, you wouldn’t be thrilled with the decision, to which he replied “I’m sure those thighs of yours would appreciate the break.”

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He doesn’t really believe it’s true, but Joel’s actually very romantic. (Even though Tess confirmed it, and you’ve done so on many occasions, too.

Joel’s love languages (more here) say a lot about him and romance. And even though things are very different now than they used to be, this hasn’t really changed much for him.

It’s not candles and flowers and chocolate and elaborate dates anymore; it’s Joel himself - and his behaviors that establish that intimacy.

It’s the way he touches you. The way he looks at you. The way you know that he could have any of the women in Jackson, but he always makes you know that he only wants you - and it’s been that way for almost as long as he’s been in the city.

Intimacy with Joel involves talking to him and getting to know him - and Joel wanting to get to know you, too.

It started out simple - him asking you things like what you like to do on days off, or what the best food in Jackson was, or where it was quietest. It evolved to him asking you to show him these things instead of telling him. But what really made you understand that Joel was trying to change your friendship to something more was when he started revealing things about himself, too.

Because to know so much about people means it hurts more when they’re gone, or when you know they’re hurting, too. To trust someone with your past and your thoughts is to give them things to use against you. To reveal weaknesses - even as small as birthdays or favorites or past mistakes - means letting someone in enough that they could do damage.

And in a world like yours and Joel’s, that’s even more intimate than going to bed with them.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

In the hard years - the nightmare years - the time right after the outbreak, the travels from Texas to Boston, and even in Boston for a short period of time, Joel used masturbation as a way to calm and soothe his body even if it didn’t do the same for his mind. Yes, the physical release helped to negate some of the stress he felt, and there were times when getting himself off was enough to trick his body into a more relaxed state … but it didn’t always happen like that.

For Joel, the act wasn’t one of comfort or pleasure - it was just something he did to take the edge off when he needed to relieve some tension or take out some frustration. He’d just grit his teeth and go at it, conjuring up the memories of actresses that he couldn’t remember the names of as more time passed, or previous women that he’d slept with because it was easier to remember the sound of their voices or the way they’d touched him.

But the more he did that, the more depressing it got - because he knew that it was likely that every single one of them hadn’t made it. So Joel switched to thinking of only pieces of women - the way their soft hands would feel on his skin, the brush of hair against his arm or chest, the plush press of their lips and the warmth of their tongues as they took him into their mouths.

Sometimes, this was supplemented by images from magazines - but not all the time, and as it got later and later into the post-outbreak life he lived, he didn’t need to think about anyone or anything in particular - the strokes of his hand, or the use of something soft like a sheet or a shirt were enough to get him through the couple minutes it took him to get himself off.

In Jackson, though, Joel’s thoughts drift more and more to typical male thoughts when he’s taking care of business. One of the things Tommy showed him when he and Ellie first arrived in Jackson - that you didn’t directly point out on your welcome tour - was the section in the back room of the library that had been filled with the “adult” materials from around town - magazines and movies, pictures and postcards - telling him that the room wasn’t monitored and that if he wanted anything from there, he could just take it, no questions asked.

So he did - stopping by after a day of work on the wall a week or so after he’d slept with Penny, thumbing through a few of the magazines before slipping them - and a couple of compilation DVDs in to a bag and heading back to his house.

He used the magazines first, flipping through the pages until one woman caught his eye, his other hand busy pulling himself free from his pajama pants. He watched a video for the first time late at night, palming himself through his sweatpants, and was surprised to find that he enjoyed it, a hiss escaping his lips as his eyes rolled back, fingers closing around his swollen head and squeezing.

But after a month of slowly working his way back to finding pleasure in touching himself, Joel’s mind began to wander away from the perfectly posed models and the over-lit scenes that played out on screen while he was winding down.

He started thinking about the sound of a laugh and the way eyes sparkled when someone smiled. He started thinking about innocent touches - a hand on his arm or a tap on his shoulder. He started thinking about the way his name sounded when spoken in greeting, teasing and excitement apparent in the tone that was used.

But then those thoughts evolved into more - and he couldn’t stop thinking of the way your eyes glittered when you smiled at him, at the way you cocked your head to the side and wrinkled your nose while the two of you spoke - at the way that every time you laughed or hummed or smiled in his presence, it sent warmth cascading through his chest to settle into the lower part of his belly that he couldn’t push to the side by concentrating on Miss April 2013’s centerfold spread.

And when he touched himself to the thought of only you for the first time, Joel’s eyes closed as his head rested against his pillow, his lips parted while he let himself get lost in thought.

He came hard with a grunt that wasn’t your name but was close, his chest rising and falling rapidly for long moments after he’d finished … and though Joel knew that unless he told you what had happened, no one would ever know aside from him - and that one instance of getting himself off to someone he considered as close to as friend as he had in Jackson was acceptable, especially since he was still adjusting - that it couldn’t happen again.

But when it happened again - and again and again the more he got to know you and spent time with you, convincing himself very quickly moved out of the realm of possibility.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Competence: Joel likes people that are capable. And this doesn’t just mean someone that can take down a horde of infected, or someone that is extremely strong or fast - it means anyone that is capable of doing something well.

Yeah, he’s turned on when he sees someone able to care for themselves and do what they need to do to survive - but it’s about more than that. And a big part of it is that when people can do things well, it means that he can take a backseat and just appreciate it - watch them, help if they need it, wait for instructions.

It really turns him on when someone can do something well that he can’t - like the way Tess could talk herself out of 99% of the situations she got into before resorting to getting physical, or the way you can nock, aim and fire arrows faster than he could ever hope to.

Praise: Joel likes giving praise almost as much as he likes receiving it, but the words coming from him is a much rarer occasion, and despite the fact that he likes doing it, it doesn’t happen very often.

When he praises someone, he means it. He doesn’t waste words, and he isn’t going to placate someone when he’s unimpressed. That isn’t how you learn. He can be cruel about it sometimes, but he doesn’t do it on purpose, it’s just brutal honesty, which people come to expect from him … and that’s why when he praises you, you know he means it.

But when someone praises Joel? He fucking loves it. He loves hearing that he’s good at things - especially when it’s the things that people don’t need to be good at in order to survive post-Cordyceps.

Yeah, he knows he’s strong and quick on his feet, and can be trusted to keep people safe. And he appreciates hearing those things.

But the real praise that he wants is for things like when you tell him how good he feels the first moments he’s buried in you, or when you hum in appreciation at the feeling of his lips on your skin, followed by his tongue. He needs to hear that you love the way he touches you, or when you compare the way he’s moving his fingers over your skin to the way he plays guitar.

Once, you told him that he’d made you the best dinner you’d ever had in your life, and that offhanded comment got him through a three day patrol, the man coming back to Jackson and immediately seeking you out and pulling hours of praise from your kiss-swollen lips.

Rope: As is evidenced by the night you spent together in the barn, Joel’s apparently got a rope kink that he had no idea about previously, and even though there aren’t a ton of opportunities to break out the rope safely in Jackson, it’s definitely something that the two of you explore more than that one time.

And it’s a lot more than the rope itself - it’s the trust that comes with using rope and restraining someone. It’s the fact that when you let him tie you up - taking away most of your movement and your ability to react with anything but the arch of your back or the use of your mouth - or even the slight spread of your legs, Joel knows that it’s about more than sex. It’s about more than physically wanting him to do what he wants and needs - it’s about him being able to give you what you want and need, without hesitation, too.

You are smart and you are capable, but you want to push those things to the side for a little while and indulge - and when you trust him to lead? When you trust him to wind the coils of rope or a belt (artwork here) around your wrists or ankles and knot it? When you trust him to keep you immobilized, even for short periods of time? It strokes his ego, and reminds him that even something as simple and necessary in the world that you live in like rope can be used for other - much more pleasurable - things.

** All three of these kinks can be explored in more detail here - in parts 1 and 2 of “Lessons You Learn From a Past You Can’t Change”

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He does like the bed, just because it’s comfortable, but Joel will not pass up the opportunity to have you on the kitchen counter/island. The counter’s got less space - so usually things won’t progress past touching or Joel using his hand to get you off if you’ve hopped up there, but after that first night, when he kissed you senseless on the island while you were downstairs and taking a break, it became The Place when you couldn’t make it upstairs, or when the two of you just wanted a quickie.

The marble stays cool in the summer, heats up very quickly with your body heat in the winter, and it’s the perfect height for him to pull you to the edge and urge you to wrap your legs around his waist, the drag of him against you hitting your core just right before he shifts your hips, fingers digging into the muscle there - and slides in.

And when you lean back, using your hands to brace yourself so that you can roll your hips and dig your heels into the backs of his thighs, letting him go deeper? He really likes that, too.

One night, before you’d moved in, you were over to make dinner. He walked in on you chopping vegetables at the island, your sleeves rolled up and the radio in the corner playing some old CD that you were humming along to.

Joel couldn’t stop himself from stepping behind you and pulling the knife from your hand as he nuzzled against your neck, using two fingers to undo the button on your jeans and then slid his hand between them and your skin, fingertips slipping beneath the cotton of your underwear, too, while you pushed yourself back and against his body, both of your hands moving to grip the edge of the marbled surface.

It was a risk - not because it was dangerous, but because Ellie was in her garage, and if you got too loud, there was a chance she’d come over to investigate even though he was almost certain that she knew better than to come in without knocking.

“Gotta be quiet.” He sighed as he kissed the side of your neck, nose following the line of your jaw up and toward your ear while he slipped two fingers into you, your lips parting and a quiet gasp leaving them at the feeling. “Gotta be quick.”

You nodded, tilting your head back and then turning it to the side so that you could kiss him as he began to thrust his fingers, the flex of his wrist timed to match the movements of his hips against the backs of your thighs.

He kissed you to swallow the sound of your whimpers as he sped up and curled his fingers, your elbows locked to keep your back flush with his chest, and when he wrapped an arm around the front of your upper body, palm flat against the front of your shoulder to hold you in place, you widened the spread of your feet, making it easier for him.

You came on his hand in only a few minutes, breath rushing from your lungs after you tore your mouth away from his and then gasped, your legs shaking as your head dropped forward, chin to your chest.

He could feel your heart hammering beneath the heel of his palm, the man’s smile growing as he lowered his head and slowed the motion of his hand to almost nothing, savoring the feeling of you pulsing around him and the way you coated his fingers and palm, dripping down toward his wrist. “You doin’ alright?”

He kept his voice low and you answered fast, shifting on both feet as you straightened up and let go of the countertop. “Yeah.” Fingers wrapping around his wrist, you tugged it up and pulled his hand out of your jeans, a quiet hum of approval audible as you turned to face him, still holding onto his arm. “But now I have a question for you, Joel.” Tilting his head to one side, he waited, wanting nothing more than to pull his hand free and raise it to his lips, getting a taste of you. “Can you be quick?”

He liked the kitchen island - but you liked the overstuffed armchair in his bedroom, using the cushioned arms for leverage as you rode him… and that’s where you ended up that afternoon - knife and bell peppers forgotten on the counter for almost an hour.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Joel’s biggest turn on is someone that goes for what they want - and doesn’t play games. There’s no time for that bullshit, and when someone takes initiative instead of shrinking back into the background and letting everyone else make decisions for them, it makes him pay attention.

Being intentionally vague is one thing - and something he understands well, but after everything that everyone has been through, cutting through the bullshit is essential to ensuring that people get what they want.

He’s also turned on when you … not quite talk back to him, but when you don’t mince your words. He tells it how it is, and appreciates when someone else does the same - especially when he sees that subtle twitch of your lips before you have something to say, or when you stick your hand on your hip and tilt your head to the side - and it reminds him of the way he stands, too. He might not like everything you’re going to say, but damn if he doesn’t like watching you say it.

Maturity is another turn on for Joel. He has no time or patience for anyone behaving like a child - he doesn’t want or need another kid to take care of, and doesn’t think that being difficult or bratty is an endearing trait for anyone to have.

So when you can hold a conversation with him, or you know more about something than him or have solutions or suggestions that show you’ve been paying attention and have figured things out … when you show him that you’re his equal in many ways … he’s thrilled.

But on a purely physical level? Joel’s turned on by the stretch and curve of your neck - both when you turn your head to one side, or when you’re rolling it out to crack it - and especially when you’re pushing your head back against the pillow and the soft skin at your throat is on display right in front of his face. He’s not ever going to pass up a chance to press a kiss there or drag his teeth over it.

He’s also turned on by eye contact - as are you. There’s nothing quite like looking into the eyes of someone you care about and seeing everything in them - fear and love and hope and desire and affection … you can hide things in your expression, but it’s really hard to keep things from him in your eyes. And nothing gets him going quite like looking at you and seeing how much you want him - always.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Joel won’t ever do anything hurt you or put you in danger. There are plenty of things in the world that are just waiting to cause you harm, and he won’t be another one.

He won’t share you, either. And it’s not a macho thing - or because he needs to be the only one in your life and in your bed, but he wants to be the one to give you what you need and make sure you’re alright. He wants to go to sleep with you at night knowing that you choose to be with him for all the reasons that matter, and if he thought you needed or wanted someone else, it would hurt his pride a little (a lot). When Ellie says that everyone she’s ever cared about has disappeared from her life in some way, Joel understands the sentiment, too - and he doesn’t want that to happen with you after everyone and everything else he’s lost.

However … if you ever told him that you were unhappy and you needed something or someone else instead? He would try his hardest to prove that he could be those things … but he wouldn’t ever try and force you to stay.

Leaving marks is a turn off for him. He’s a 50 year old man, and has no need for these types of displays of ‘ownership’. Hickeys are for teenagers and for people insecure in their relationships that are trying to prove a point. If you bite him and it happens to bruise, that’s one thing, but purposely doing it so that there are visible marks specifically for others to see? He doesn’t like that.

Bruises from his/your hands are something else entirely, though, and even though he tries not to leave them - and knows you do, too - it happens sometimes. Both of you get carried away on occasion - hands grabbing each other’s bodies and holding tight - and there’s been more than one occasion when you’ve seen a bruise that you’ve left on him somewhere - a shoulder, his forearm, one of his thighs - and he kind of likes it when you find them, because it means you’re going to apologize and kiss them… and he won’t ever complain about that.

The same goes for nail marks and scrapes. Things happen, and there’s been a time or two where things have gotten a little rough and he’s woken up with a red mark on his back or shoulders - or even on his chest, even though you’re careful of his scars. And even though the scrape on your cheek - and the small scar it left when it healed - that happened on the roof of the cabin made him much more aware of what he was doing when the two of you get carried away in a less-than comfortable location, sometimes it’s unavoidable.

But both of you enjoy the minutes spent looking over each other’s bodies for visible injuries or evidence of things that you might need to explain if Ellie or Maria or Tommy see them - hands and eyes and mouths roaming over every inch of skin there is to assess, even long after you’ve already found everything you need to take notice of.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

His skills were a little rusty after so long of not having the opportunity… but he loves giving. He loves the way you taste and the way your body responds to him. He loves the way you smell and the sounds you make, and he can’t get enough of the way your thighs tremble for him when you finish, whether it’s the first orgasm of the night or your last.

Joel is patient. He isn’t just trying to get you off as fast as possible. He thinks that if you’re going to take the time to go down on someone, you should do it right, and do it how they like it.

He is very willing to practice, but he was also patient when it came to bringing it up with you in the first place - both because of how long it had been for him, (since the woman he’d been with before Tess) and because he didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking you if you’d be alright with it and then making it weird.

The first time he tasted you, though, it happened naturally - and he got all the confirmation he needed that not only did you want him to do it, but that you’d been just as hesitant to bring it up in conversation as he had because you hadn’t wanted to seem needy, even though you’d already been more than generous with him.

It had been about a month after sleeping with you for the first time - just before you went to the cabins to secure them for winter, and he’d finished on your stomach as a force of habit from before, the man rolling onto his back next to you as he caught his breath.

He’d been on the verge of getting up to go and get you something to clean up with, but he’d seen you out of the corner of one eye, swirling your fingers through the mess that coated your skin before bringing them to your lips and sucking them clean.

The sight caused him to pop up onto one elbow, his eyes wide as he watched you shrug your shoulders. “What? I like the way you taste, Joel.” And it had emboldened him, the man leaning in and kissing you hard before drawing in a deep breath and finally admitting that he didn’t think it was quite fair that you could say that to him when he couldn’t repeat the same to you.

There’d been a pause and then you arched a brow, biting down on one side of your lip before you reached for him with your clean hand, running your knuckles against his stubblier-than-normal jaw.

“No one’s stopping you from finding out.”

—

And from you? Joel will not ever turn you down, but he doesn’t expect anything from you. It’s not a “well I went down on you, so now you’ve gotta return the favor” thing, because truth be told, if that happened, he wouldn’t get to actually fuck you as much as he likes to. You might not be that much younger than him, but your body is still much more capable than his of a quick recovery between orgasms, and there’s nothing like coming while being buried in you - not even the way you look on your knees for him, one hand braced on his thigh, the other wrapped around the parts of him that you can’t fit between your lips.

He is thankful and appreciative every time you use your mouth on him, but it’s not his go-to anymore (even though teenage and early 20’s Joel preferred being on the receiving end to actual sex)... things and people definitely do change.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

This depends on how tired he is. You’d think from looking at him that he’d be rough and fast every time he takes you to bed, but he’s very thorough when he has the time to be and prolongs things whenever possible. Joel respects the need for instant gratification, but doesn’t prefer it, especially when he cares for the person he’s with.

He’s making up for the first time the two of you were together (read about that here), even though you’ve told him over and over you don’t need him to do that. You understand how fast things can - and sometimes do - happen, and you’ve never held the speed at which he came the first time against him. It actually made you feel really good about himself, and you’ve reminded him of this, too - but part of Joel doesn’t believe you.

He’s also making up for the period - the 20 years after the outbreak - when he didn’t give himself time to relax or really enjoy anything - when he had to live his life like there might only be minutes left in it. It’s a slow process, to get him to really relax and take his time, but it’s not as simple as getting his mind used to the idea - it’s getting his body accustomed to not constantly having to be in fight or flight self preservation mode.

And there’s a difference between slow and sensual with Joel, too. There’s the slow, sleepy sex that the two of you have in bed when you spend the night, or when you fall asleep on the couch and wake up, one of you shifting and finding that Joel’s hard and wants you, both of you almost powerless to stop from acting on it, the man’s hips barely moving until you’ve both had your fill and can’t stand waiting anymore.

And then there’s sensual - when you’re both wide awake and you choose to go slow - choose to move so that you can feel everything; every flexing muscle, every exhale, every curve of each other’s fingers against skin, every drag of lips, the way his hair feels as he rests his forehead against your cheek or throat or temple, the scrape of his beard over your jaw as he whispers into your ear that he wants you to feel it, or that you feel so goddamn good around him and he never wants it to end.

You don’t mind when Joel takes things fast and rough with you - but you appreciate the soft and slow more, just because you know that he’s not like that with anyone else - it’s only for you and always will be.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Joel prefers to take his time, however … when necessary, he’ll take getting off fast over not getting off at all.

Tess was a LOT of quickies. It kept things from getting too personal (even though they were both deluding themselves and they knew it) almost the entire time.

All of the other women that he was with after 2013 were relatively quick, too - except for Hannah. He let himself relax a little with her, and didn’t rush… but it still wasn’t a difficult decision to leave Kentucky for New York.

He can get himself off in a few minutes if necessary both via masturbation and actual penetrative sex - but for the most part, sex with Joel isn’t ever fast if he can get away with taking his time.

One of the main reasons that Joel’s not as much a fan of quickies is that they tend to happen in less than desirable places where comfort isn’t always a priority - and he isn’t young anymore. His knees bother him and his back aches, and sex takes a lot out of him, especially on the road and when he’s focused on being efficient about it. He’ll never leave you unsatisfied, though, no matter how fast the time together is.

Another reason that now that he’s in Jackson, he doesn’t want to rush?

It reminds him of the previous years. It reminds him of having sex on old, torn and damp mattresses and on cold cement floors, nothing but a sleeping bag to cushion him. It reminds him of fucking someone like it could be the last time. It reminds him of not caring what happened when it was done because he’d likely never see the woman again … and if the whole point of living in Jackson is to not live like that? Well… the fewer the reminders, the better.

But that’s not to say that you haven’t enticed him more than once to sneak off somewhere with you for a few minutes at a time, because you have … and there’s only been one or two times when quickies with you have reminded him entirely of quickies before, so maybe this is something he’s going to grow out of.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Joel’s always up for trying something risky as long as it doesn’t put anyone in real danger. And “danger” doesn’t mean the potential to get caught, he means honest to God danger. He tried the rope. He’s played around with wax with you. He’s let you blindfold him (and didn’t like that much at all) - he’s even let you coerce him (gently) into public sex (it was very dark, and you got him off with your hand while you watched a movie together in one of the warehouses that were used as gathering spaces for the town in the colder months.

There were about fifteen other people in the room and the two of you were curled up together on a small loveseat that had been dragged out of storage, a blanket over your laps to ward off the chill of the high-ceilinged room … and you’d started something he had no intention of telling you not to finish.

Joel likes experimenting, and if you’re on a roll, he’s not going to stop you unless he HAS to because of genuine disinterest or discomfort or fear. He wants to know what you like - and to find out what he likes - and what you enjoy together, because he’ll be damned if he doesn’t make the most out of being with you in every way he can.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Joel is a 50 year old man, and his body has limitations. He definitely can’t go as many rounds as you likely could - even though there’s only a few years between you.

He does have his good days, though, and when he’s been in Jackson and off of patrol or scouting routes, and hasn’t had to be on a saddle or doing physical labor for a couple days in a row, there’s the possibility of three rounds within the same night - but it’s rare. And to be honest, you don’t really have time for that too often, so it’s not a big deal.

Joel coming twice a night is more on par for him, but there’s usually plenty of time between rounds - maybe a quick break for something to eat or to talk or to take care of some sort of mundane chore around the house … and usually, when you go for round two, it’s you that comes first - because he can always make you come more than once, and even if it ends up that he doesn’t get off a second time? It’s not a big deal as long as you’re satisfied.

Joel doesn’t immediately go for straight up sex, so it feels like it’s lasting much longer than it really does, because he wants to make you - and himself - feel good first. And when you’re taken care of, he really feels good, so he has no problem spending time getting you worked up before the actual act.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

If someone found batteries, and offered them to either of you, he wouldn’t waste batteries on toys, and you probably wouldn’t either. You need them for much more important things like flashlights and radios. But when he finds out that you do have a little something that isn’t battery operated, he’s intrigued - and turned on.

You’d always been honest and open with him, even before the two of you were anything, but the subject of whether or not you owned any sex toys hadn’t ever come up… until he walked in on you using one of them.

He’d come over to your apartment to fix something for you - a tree branch had come down during a storm and damaged a screen and a pane of glass in one of your front windows, and while he was fixing it, you’d excused yourself to “give him space” about fifteen minutes after he’d started the task.

And when he’d finished - popping the screen in and then re-aligning the new window pane in the track, he’d wandered down the hallway toward your room, meaning to tell you that he was done and you could head over to Tommy and Maria’s with him for dinner.

But when he peeked into your room, he found you laying on your bed, head pressed into your pillow, eyes closed with one hand pushing the material of your underwear to the side and the other working a silicone toy into yourself at a slow - but steady - pace.

He immediately got hard, his mouth dropping open as you continued, and before he could speak to tell you that he was there, his name dropped from your lips, little more than a breathy moan.

You bit down on your lip and widened the spread of your legs before arching your back just enough to give you a different angle and then you moaned again, releasing your lip before you pressed them together to stifle the sound. “You don’t haveta pretend if you don’t want to. I’m right here.”

He spoke and you reacted immediately - opening your eyes and gasping, the fingers wrapped around the base of the toy tightening, though you didn’t completely stop moving it. “I thought I…” You shuddered and hummed again, closing your eyes. “Thought I could finish before -”

He stepped into the room, keeping his eyes on you as he moved closer to the bed. Joel realized that his hands were clenching into loose fists over and over, the front of his jeans tight as he watched you and the silicone, the surface of it glistening with your slick. “Before what?”

“Before you were done with the window.” You swallowed hard, panting as you locked eyes with him. “I knew we had to leave soon, and watching you with those fucking tools got to me, Joel.” You shook your head. “I was fine until you rolled up your sleeves.”

He laughed, the sound quiet as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to you. “Sorry ‘bout that.” Joel raised an eyebrow, tongue poking into his cheek. “You wanna finish with that thing, or do you want the real thing?”

“I …” You sighed, lips curving up into a smile. “How about you help me finish with this?” He didn’t reply right away, and when, a few seconds later, he felt your fingers wrap around his wrist, tugging his hand between your legs, he groaned out your name, upper lip curling slightly. “You do that and I’ll have a hand free, Joel.”

As soon as he touched the silicone you let go of his wrist, bringing your hand up and over his thigh, the weight of it coming to rest against the bulge beneath his zipper. You flexed your fingertips gently - though the pressure was enough to make him hiss as he adjusted his position and scooted closer to you.

“Sounds like you like that idea.” You paused, turning your head to press your cheek against the pillow, and then looked up at him through your lashes. “Feels like it, too.”

Joel didn’t reply - but when he began to move the toy in and out of you slowly, you smiled again, closing your eyes and sighing before trailing your fingers up and grasping his zipper between them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to tease, but is incapable of holding out for too long, especially when it’s been a little while since the two of you have been together. He’s definitely down to have a little fun with it especially when he knows how much it’s going to rile you up, though.

A couple of the things that he does that you love?

- Walking up behind you and putting his hands on your waist before he leans forward to look over your shoulder at whatever it is you’re doing.

- Leaning over and whispering into your ear, his hand on your knee or thigh and just barely squeezing.

- Pulling away after a few minutes of kissing or touching, and making you reach for him, or attempt to follow the movement with your lips or body.

- You like it when he draws attention to the stuff you’re doing to try and get his attention. (“Hey, you’re wearin’ that shirt you know I like. You must want somethin’” or “Hmm, makin’ all this food for dinner … you got somethin’ you’re trying to apologize for?” “Can’t believe you’re still sittin’ so close to me, we’ve been together all day/it’s real hot out etc)

- You both like to tease each other, but Joel does it without even realizing it sometimes. Him simply existing and doing mundane things is a tease to you, and the first time you told him this, he didn’t believe you.

Specifically, the way you freeze when he pushes his sleeves back or rolls them up. You love the way the material stretches over his forearm and the way the tendons in his fingers flex as he wraps them around his wrist. You can’t take your eyes off off him when you see that one or more of the buttons of his shirts have come undone, those little peeks of his tanned skin making you forget just about everything that you need to or should be doing.

And you’ve also accused him of teasing when he hums or sings under his breath, guitar nowhere in sight. This didn’t happen much until a few months after he and Ellie arrived in Jackson, but the longer they’ve been there, the more common it gets. You love hearing the words from his lips and watching the way his tongue darts out to wet them while he’s working on some sort of project in the workshop or while he’s busy in the yard or around Jackson.

But the thing about Joel teasing you is that he never leaves you hanging - it always leads somewhere - and that somewhere is a place that you both like very much.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Joel isn’t loud - but he’s vocal. There are lots of grunts and groans, and he’s not afraid to tell you what he wants you to do or when he likes something that you’re doing.

He’s always been vocal - but it took him a long time to come to terms with the fact that he didn’t have to whisper anymore - that there was no need to be as quiet as possible because someone was in the next room, or something could burst into the room and kill both of you without warning.

The longer Joel’s in Jackson, the louder he gets, and the more he says in bed - and it’s another way that both of you gauge his comfort level.

But there are times when he’s almost completely silent - the only sounds he makes swallowed by your kiss or being uttered directly against your skin, more breaths than anything else.

And there are also times when it’s not the volume of what he’s saying but the actual words he’s whispering into your ear or panting against your throat. It’s the way those words trail off into a broken groan or moan, the sound of your name coming out and confirming that the man is wrecked, barely holding it together.

It’s a side of him that he kept hidden for twenty years - the confirmation that someone else could force that kind of reaction from him, the admission that you have that kind of effect on him - it’s dangerous and he knows it, but in those moments, he doesn’t care, because it feels good to let go, it feels good to let someone in - to let you know that you’re responsible for that reaction from him and those sounds and the emotion he can’t keep hidden.

It’s not theatrics or screaming and yelling - it’s not even outright moaning, but you definitely get Joel to make some noises that he forgot he was capable of.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

The best sex that Joel ever had was before the outbreak and while he and Tommy were riding their motorcycles across the country, while Sarah spent a few weeks with her grandparents.

He met a woman in a bar just outside of Nashville. They had a couple drinks before she beckoned him to follow her into the back hallway of the bar where they’d made out for almost fifteen minutes … and after he’d explained what was going on (that he and Tommy were staying in the same room so there’d be no privacy) she took him back to her apartment, took the lead, and they fucked until the sun came up.

He was 24 - and she was a little older, but Joel appreciated her confidence and straightforward nature. Her name was Shannen, she had a bright red streak in her dark hair, and according to what he told Tommy a few days later while they stopped in Illinois on their way to Chicago, she’d done things to him that he hadn’t even known possible before that night.

They hadn’t exchanged phone numbers or anything, so he’d had no way of getting back into touch with her, but Joel thought about that woman for years after they said goodbye that morning, Shannen walking him to the door with nothing but a pair of underwear sitting low on her hips, her hair thrown back and up into a messy bun.

And even though they only had that one night, Joel took what had happened with the woman and used it moving forward - taking cues from the way she’d approached him, propositioned him and then spoken to him in bed - and gave himself permission to let loose and enjoy being in the moment - and open - with the women that came after her in his life.

It was the freest and happiest that Joel had been up and to that point in his life (at least when it came to being with a woman) and he carried the memory of Shannen with him for years - he even thought of her long after the outbreak.

But it wasn’t until he was back in Jackson and he saw you letting loose with friends for the first time - you and Maria and some of the other women in town celebrating that a longtime resident had successfully (and safely) given birth to twins - that Joel thought of her again.

It wasn’t that the situation reminded him of Shannen - but it was the way you caught his eye from across the bar, the happiness in them morphing in an instant to desire, the easygoing grin on your lips turning into something devastating in mere seconds. He’d known you for the better part of a year at that point, but in that single look, it was like he was seeing you for the first time all over again.

It had been him that crossed the room toward you, beckoning you from your seat with one large palm extended and an eyebrow cocked below the fringe of his messy hair. And you’d followed, Joel’s hand nearly swallowing yours while the two of you made your way down the hallway and toward the back exit before stopping and into the mostly empty office, you reaching behind you to pull the door shut.

“What’s going on, Joel?” Back pressed against the wooden door, you stared at him. “I didn’t think you’d be here tonight, Maria said you and Tommy were -”

“Come home with me.” He stepped forward, crowding you against the door. “I know you’re celebratin’ but -”

“Right now?” He felt your hands on his hips, fingers sliding beneath the bottom of his sweatshirt and resting just under the hem of his t-shirt, against the skin. “It’s early, Joel. Maria worked out a deal with Seth, and we get to drink for free until -”

“Doesn’t have to be right now, but …” He paused, taking a deep breath and raising his hands, both palms moving up and over your sides before they dropped again to settle at your hips. “No, you know what? Yeah. I want it to be now.” He wet his lips, still staring at you. “Come home with me right now. I’ve gotta go on guard duty in the mornin’ so I don’t have much … can’t be a late night.”

“What’s gotten into you, Joel?” It was a question but he could hear in your voice that you were already convinced and just playing with him, drawing the moment out longer. “This isn’t… you’re never like this.”

“I’m not.” One of Joel’s hands was running up and over your arm, his knuckles gliding over the thin material of your shirtsleeve. “Haven’t been in a long time, but tonight, I … wanted to try somethin’ new.”

The words hung heavy between the two of you, Joel waiting to see what you’d decide - and when you leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck, a breath escaping through your nose - he was relieved to hear what you said next though it wasn’t a total surprise.

“We should take advantage of it, then.” You pulled one hand back, lifting it to push your fingers through his hair, moving it away from his forehead. “I’ll go home with you, Joel, if that’s what you want. But…” Biting your lip, you leaned in, tilting your head to one side so that you could speak into his ear. “But we don’t have to go home yet, do we?” You paused, backing off so that you could look up at him. “The door locks, and…”

That was all he needed to hear - and even though he knew you, and there was no possibility of you being a one night stand, he spent the next thirty minutes letting himself get lost in you … and in the thrill of doing something new.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Joel’s big but not massive. He’s well endowed to the point where you need to prep for him, and if you don’t you’re definitely sore the next day. Even if you do give yourself some time to get ready, you can still sometimes feel it later… but he’s not leaving you sore every single time the two of you are together, especially if it’s slow, sleepy sex.

You can’t fit all of him into your mouth, and you (and he) like when you use two hands - one to hold the base of him, the other to stroke along his length, or when you use your hand and your mouth at the same time, covering as much as possible.

He curves slightly to the right.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Joel’s making up for lost time, so it’s pretty high, but it’s not unreasonably high, all things considered.

As a 50 year old man that’s had multiple lifetimes worth of stress in a very short time, it takes a lot for him to truly let go. Sex is one of the times he just shuts his brain off - if he could physically do it, he’d have sex more often just for the break from being inside his own head, but he can’t.

He likes intimacy - especially now that he’s not questioning it - and yearns for that more than he yearns for sex. But he’d never admit that to ANYONE - even you… at least at first.

It used to be backwards - he was using sex to fill in the void of loneliness, even though it only helped for a few minutes at a time. He’d be so focused on when and how he could reach that point again that it consumed him in the lead up to sex, but now … as much as he enjoys the way it feels when he comes, or when he can feel your chest heaving against his, or when your breaths are shallow and little more than panting or quiet gasps, it’s what comes after that he truly looks forward to.

He wants to feel you in his arms. He wants to feel the warmth and comfort of the bed and the quiet darkness when it’s just the two of you, speaking in hushed voices and sharing random pieces of yourselves.

He wants to feel the way your hand pushes underneath his shirt when you’re finally laying down and ready for sleep - your palm warm against the center of his chest, fingers splayed to touch as much of him as you can.

Joel wants to relive the moments when you’re stroking over his beard or scraping your fingers through the tangled curls of his hair over and over again, the quiet hum of your agreement when he tells you that he likes it and then you reply “yeah, Joel, I do too.”

More than yearning for sex and physicality, he yearns for as close to a normal life as he believes is possible, and with you - in Jackson - he thinks he might have finally found it against all odds.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

This depends on a few things, like how rambunctious the two of you were, or if it’s the first time in a night or a subsequent one.

It also depends on how tired he was beforehand, or how sore his body is from the day to day work he’s responsible for. Usually, he likes to talk for a little while, but sometimes he’ll just pass out almost immediately after he’s caught his breath. While there’s no real rhyme or reason to when this happens, there are certain days when you can just feel that when you’re done and cleaned up and redressed, it’s going to be an early night, that there won’t be that much pillow talk or a long period of wakefulness.

It’s usually never more than 15 or 20 minutes, though. And on the rare occasion he does make it that long or longer, you’re usually the one nodding off first, which is perfectly fine for him because it helps to reaffirm that it is safe and you are safe and you feel safe with him in such a vulnerable state.

And on the nights when you’re asleep before him, he does what he did the night at the cabins for as long as he can keep himself awake for: watching you and trying to understand how and why he deserves someone like you in his life.

But Joel also understands that even in the safety of Jackson, sleep - and sleeping well are luxuries, and he’s not going to waste the opportunity to get a few extra minutes of rest especially when he can doze off holding you tight against his chest - and wake up to the same.

---

tag list reblog coming soon!

269 notes · View notes