#Patently Absurd

[patentlyabsurdrpgideas]

Hi Tumblr. I'm bored, a little feverish, and haven't posted in a while, but I felt compelled to make these. Sure, anybody could head over here and make their own such captions, but mine have no image linked to them, and can thus be used to make CUSTOMIZED MEMES! Have fun with that.

[baronaliswritingcorner]

The Penguinist Problem (Colloyd Day 2024)

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia

Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel

Summary: It's Colloyd Day in Iselia! Thanks to the endless coffers of diehard Colloyd faithful, everything Tales of Symphonia lines the countryside streets with fandom monuments aplenty -- and all for the union between Lloyd Irving and Colette Brunel! What could be more fitting for the wedding of the millennium?

But really, all Lloyd wants is the perfect wedding for Colette -- and a morning fitting gone horribly wrong may well ruin their special day! Will he be able to fix things in time, and if not...will Colette still accept him?

Commentary: My 20k (!) absurdist comedy wedding multichap for Colloyd Day 2024 is here!

In typical Baron Ali fashion, I worked way, way too hard on this (I spent the past week doing nothing but working on this) and watched helplessly as this ballooned beyond my wildest dreams. Regardless, it's as much a tribute to Colloyd/Tales of Symphonia as any, so please enjoy the zaniness and fluff therein.

[sadhorsegirl]

started watching br*dgerton again to relax after getting through hellish shifts at work and have reentered into a potential legal feud with the entire shondaland bloodline over the shows continued refusal to just let eloise be gay

[woozapooza]

I don't understand why so many people are so quick to assume that the only reason someone might not want to engage with a work of art that contains upsetting elements—or might want to know ahead of time what the upsetting elements are so that they're not caught off guard by them—is because they're a sheltered little snowflake who refuses to look outside their bubble of privilege. I mean, sure, sometimes that's probably the case, but sometimes people don't want to engage with upsetting art because they have enough upsetting stuff to deal with in their real actual life. It's just bizarre to me how common this false dichotomy—people who have actual problems and don't limit themselves when it comes to the art they're willing to engage with vs. people who don't have actual problems and do limit themselves—is. And I'm not even saying that you can't think that even people with actual problems should be open to art that challenges them (I have mixed feelings about that myself, but whatever, that's outside the scope of this post), I'm just saying "you're wary of engaging with art that might be really upsetting, therefore you're just a whiny privileged snowflake" is, like, an absurdly large leap of logic.

[polo-yaoman]

You know that moment when someone asks you about your favourite book and you have to name that one piece that has rewired your brain completely when you read it, but your real favourite book is actually the dumbest shit imaginable ?

Yeah that.

[fuckdamn]

sometimes it’s refreshing to read a sincere well-written well-reasoned argument from someone you vehemently disagree with. it can good to hone your rhetorical skills instead of believing that everyone who’s ideologically opposed to you is some twitter-brained grifter who can only articulate vague disgust and aversion and otherwise falls back on redpill nonsense. sometimes people who disagree with me are intelligent people who have thought deeply about why they believe what they believe. and they’re still dangerously wrong lmao

[geronimostiltonofficial]

okay im committing to the username change lifestyle

[elfcow]

I'm still in awe over the host that true oneshot Peeve with a raw flaming strike. That's 1900 dmg through opaline hardtear. What the fuck.

It took the same host an extra hit to kill him in a later fight so what fucking sauce were you on that let you do that.

[rjalker]

She looked at me and bit her lip. “You’re really augmented, aren’t you. Like, a lot. Like more than someone would choose voluntarily.” It wasn’t a question. I said, “Um, yes.” She nodded. “Was it an accident?”

so the characters will go "Wow you're super disabled, how'd that happen?"

but won't ask for pronouns, or even list them on their social media profile.

Tapan's literally asking "hey what probably super traumatic event happened that you lost most of your limbs?" but still doesn't even know what its pronouns are because that's apparently just something Martha Wells can't imagine someone asking someone else.

This is what I mean when I say Martha Wells needs to actually talk to nonbinary and other trans people before she publishes another book if she wants her books to actually be representative of trans people, especially with a nonbinary protagonist.

It's even more absurd now that I've read Ancillary Justice, which Martha Wells says inspired this series. Even though Ancillary Justice starts discussing pronouns within like, the first page or something. And then continues bringing them up over the course of the entire book.

But Martha Wells hasn't had a single character even think about asking another character what their pronouns are, and doesn't even have any of them listing their pronouns in their magical science fiction literally-floats-around-with-you social media bios.

[kingdomoftyto]

So this little... art project? Worldbuilding exercise?? I don't even know how to categorize it. But it's definitely one of the weirdest fucking things I've ever come across, and I mean that with both disgust and immense affection

The video I linked gives a fairly comprehensive look at it, but a quick tl;dw is that it's a huge collection of historical, promotional, and educational materials about a fictional National Park built around the discovery of an unimaginably huge "superorganism" buried beneath the Texas countryside. The park has a visitor center on the surface, but the vast majority of it is contained INSIDE THE ORGANISM'S BODY. Popular points of interest include a resort with windows overlooking a "Gastric Sea", a set of bathhouses inside the creature's endocrine glands, and hiking trails through an undisturbed "forest" of bronchial tubes.

It's horrifying. It's absurd. It's revolting. It's HILARIOUS.

And don't forget to check out the originals at @mysteryfleshpit

[patentlyabsurdrpgideas]

A Work In Progress

With both goblin month and gobblin’ month over, I feel like I should post something just to prove I’m alive. So hopefully the weight of anonymous Internet hopes will get me to work on things.

So what am I very slowly working on? My Magnum Tumblrus of course!

"Theodore Parnum Koulros's Gaudy Guide to Clown Biology"

As you might be able to guess TPK’s Clown Biology is a D&D-ified, in-universe version of @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses #clown biology posts, with all the various seemingly-contradictory details explained.

I am doing this for 2 reasons.

Gaud has a post saying their stuff is public domain, so the cops can’t stop me.

I am a sadomasochist and will enjoy having clowns inflicted on me during the creation process and inflicting clowns on others once it is completed.

Anyway, merry Christmas, happy holidays, happy New Year, and brace yourselves for such horrors as the various clown-nose parasites, the alien clown homeworld, and the elemental plane of clowns. Coming soon someday when its done.

[baronaliswritingcorner]

With this year's Colloyd event being wedding-themed, there's no way I'm not reviving the absurdist wedding/reception idea I'd planned for last year.

My fic from last year was, as its readers noted, something of a love letter to Takes of Symphonia and this'll be much in the same vein -- obscure references and all. It's freakin' funny; trust me.

(Yeah, I know I already did a crazy wedding with Felannie/FE Three Houses last year -- sue me!)

[thequeenofsastiel]

"Armand is a Switch."

😂

[prokopetz]

Honestly, I don't mind the proliferation of emojis in casual online communication because it makes my favourite sort of bit much easier to pull off. Saying patently absurd shit in a perfect deadpan used to be hard to convey in pure text, and now all I have to do is punctuate and avoid using little cartoons.

[procedurebybyte]

oh hey and the cp9 boss whats-his-name is doing the eneru face. classic. love when the big boss of the arc has to react to luffy & co

[futurefind]

"Explain Nasuverse mage Rea w.o explaining Nasuverse mage Rea:"

(Loose translation anyway:

if runes are used as supplemental magecraft like nails or screws, Rea uses them as brick n mortor for entire structure (and it WORKS)

unintentional (if unspoken) speciality in magical circuits construction and, with proper study, magecraft effecting the soul and outright Concepts directly

(FGO Rea absolutely works on an anti-Servant magecraft by targetting the 'thread' that allows that incarnation to have been summoned from the throne in the first place (ie via excising the cause and effect that allows them to have been summoned in the first place, for that summoning)

(Lesser example of this is FGO!Master subverse being incentived to develop 'artificial nerves' Mystic Code for when her Crest bs acts up, ie every rayshift, to mitigate how much it kneecaps her in the field)

she's an American magus that only spent time in Mage's Association for politicking/pawn reasons, and because she's so humble and friendly she has no idea how op any of her bs actually Is. she tries to explain/share it to people and it goes in one ear and out the next