#Peachy Keen Book Reviews

[mandyloves2read]

☠️☦︎︎ARC Review☦︎︎☠️

Heartless Heathens by Santana Knox

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

ᥲrᥴ ᥴ᥆⍴ᥡ

This is a dark why choose gothic romance set in a dystopian world and I loved it! This was my first read by this author and I devoured this story! This book will definitely not be for everyone but holy smokes was it good! Please check the trigger warnings before going into it ! This was such a unique story I loved all the characters especially Romina Felix Sunny and Corvin they all had great chemistry I loved getting pov’s from all of them I really enjoyed Romina’s character arc her growth was incredible to witness the descriptive writing was amazing I loved the world the story takes place in it was so interesting I’m on a huge dystopian romance kick lately and this definitely satisfied my thirst for them. Definitely different but what a page turner it was ! Absolutely amazing ! Definitely recommend!

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🖤✨ 𝑵𝑬𝑾 𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑺𝑬 ✨🖤

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐬 by @santana.knox is #NowLive and available to read on #KU

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✨𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒃 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔: https://bit.ly/HeartlessHeathens

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❕𝑩𝑳𝑼𝑹𝑩❕

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Hey,

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𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.

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No, 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑢𝑝.

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Yeah, I’m the one they talk about. The headmaster’s prized possession, locked away in the bell tower of Notredame Parochial College. To most of the students I was just a myth.

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An urban legend.

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The girl who rings the bells up in the tower, the one who talks to gargoyles.

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Frollo’s secret

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Then they showed up, those heathens. Outcasts, just like me. But these men aren’t just dangerous, they’re heartless. They won’t abide or bend to the rules of this deranged school and the secrets it keeps from the world.

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Now that they’ve found me, they may never let me go. And maybe I wouldn’t want them to…

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.

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🖤𝑨𝒅𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒔: http://bit.ly/3zJIpEh

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[lilibetbombshell]

[bookishbethanyerin]

• ARC Review: Marked by the Moon •

There are few things as satisfying as sitting down, starting a book, and then finishing it a few hours later, looking up, and yelling into a throw pillow due to the intensity of the cliffhanger.

And that was exactly my experience with Marked by the Moon, the first book in a new fantasy romance series by Helen Scott.

The story follows Senara, a soldier with shocking strength who has been promoted to the King’s Guard. When she moves back to Veilhelm the night before reporting to the castle, she and her chosen sister, Wyn, have a night on the town – which ends with Senara in bed with a hot, mysterious, and also super-strong man named Thorn (and it is 🔥). So, of course, when she reports for duty the next day, it turns out Thorn is her boss’s boss, and the right-hand of the King.

Though the plot follows genre conventions and you can feel the twists coming (not saying they’re predictable! You can just *tell* shit’s about to go down), it’s a fun, fast-paced ride that leaves lots of breadcrumbs for things to come and ends on a cliffhanger that’ll…well, have you yelling into a throw pillow.

I had a blast with it, have *so many* questions I want answered, and am definitely looking forward to more!

4🌟

2.5🌶️

⚔️A huge thank you to Helen Scott and Peachy Keen Author Services for the opportunity to read and review an advanced copy!🌙

[adamarks]

I’ve slept so little in the past 2 days bc of these fucking books, so you’ll forgive me that I’m crying and a bit hysterical right now. But here’s my hell-forsaken, honest-to-god review. I put it under a cut bc it’s so long.

After finishing Anyway the Wind Blows, I have realized that I’ve been running on such low low levels of hope in my own life.

During Wayward Son, when I first read it, I had really thought I’d been in a good place with my mental health at the time. I’d done some therapy. I’d escaped my dad. I’d slain the dragon! I’d won the war!! Surely, everything was peachy-keen, fine-as-rain, bye-bye silly depression I don’t need you no more!

But then Covid hit. And then my codependency hit. And codependency, it’s like a humdrum of its own, a black hole on the inside, a pit in myself, losing myself in someone else as its own addiction. It just ate me and ate me and I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep and I was the least important thing on the face of the earth. I’d get angry. Then hate myself for getting angry. Shove my feelings in a stupid box, and that would feed that hole in my gut. You’re not important. No one will ever love you. You’re bad. You’re wrong. You hate them. You hate yourself—

And then I had to leave. I had to run away, like a coward, for myself. I had to choose myself in the worst way. I had to choose myself, because I had to live, and I wanted to live, and I needed that crawling, disgusting, horrible rot in my stomach to leave.

The hole isn’t gone, not yet.

It’s still there. I think I’ll always carry it with me. But it’s smaller now. I can hold it and care for it and calm it down in the ways I’ve learned. It’s manageable, I guess.

But then I read Anyway the Wind Blows...

I read Carry On after I started standing up to my dad.

I read Wayward Son about a year after the worst depressive episode of my life.

I read Anyway the Wind Blows when I’d lost hope for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d never lost hope for this book. I knew it’d be amazing. I knew they’d love each other in such beautiful, stunning ways that I’d bawl like a baby. I knew this book would change me. I knew Rainbow was a fantastic author.

I didn’t know how desolate I was feeling about myself.

I didn’t know love could look like that.

I don’t know love. I never got to see it.

Not that I’d never been loved. That I didn’t have people my whole life that cared. I have a lot of people that mistake love for possession. Who want and wanted to own me. Who wanted me under their thumb.

I have friends, just as broken as me, if not more, where we love each other unconditionally. Where the love is so big and so good, it’s like breathing. It’s like life.

I didn’t know romantic love could scrub you clean.

I read their first sex scene. The first time. (Their first!) Last night, and I cried like a baby. I cried until I felt raw. Until I felt just as clean as them.

I didn’t know love with kisses and tangled sheets and sex could feel clean.

I’d been so preoccupied with the stupid hole inside my chest, the black, twisted thing that grew mold up my spine and fungus in my gut, that I didn’t realize that love— that complete vulnerability, on both ends, in its entirety— could help me clean out the muck.

I thought it would always be horrible and dark and difficult until the day you both died. I’d say I believe in love. In true love, even. But I didn’t really, not deep down. I always expected the worst.

I’m still just waiting and anticipating to be hurt.

I thought love was real, but for people besides myself. For others. Maybe people less fucked up, or something. (Or something or something or something)

I thought love was trying until the trying was hurting you, scorching you, making you hungry, making your stomach roll. Making you want to off yourself.

Love is trying, and every day it getting so slightly easier— or not easier, but slightly less frightening, to try. (It’s never easy. Life never is. It’s hard work. But it’s the fact that you understand. That you know. That you believe— that it’s worth it. That remembering that it’s worth it gets easier the more you try.)

Remembering that love is worth it.

You’re worth it.

I didn’t know love could look like this.

No one ever told me.

No one ever tried.

Maybe I could’ve lived my whole life not knowing. Died not knowing. Forced myself through more suffering, completely blind.

I just didn’t know.

And I didn’t know I’d been waiting for someone to show me.

To hold me and tell me, you’re not too broken. You can do that “love” thing. It’s possible. You’re allowed to try.

I’m allowed to try.

I’m allowed to keep going. To want. To need, to feel, to feel—

I’m allowed. I feel like this book gave me permission.

And I’m a different person than I was yesterday— And you always are, every time you’re brave enough to get up and face the day. But now I’ll always be a person that knows I’m allowed to try.

I don’t have to rot from the inside. I can hold someone and say, let’s try to help each other clean. And we can talk. And we can both try. And maybe it’ll be so good, I won’t want to stop trying, and I won’t run away.

Because I’ve finally been told— I’ve finally been shown…

It’s worth it.

[eiressofinspirationwrites]

One Chaotic Angel

Pairing: Platonic Crowley x Aziraphale x Chaotic Good Reader

Word Count: 1539

Description: Even though you’re not allowed in heaven anymore, you didn’t exactly fall so you’re not allowed into hell either. Luckily, you didn’t really like either of them all that well. You’re content to spend eternity performing miracles to your heart’s content and spending time with your best friend’s Crowley and Aziraphale. 

Request made by @writer-of-camelot. I hope you enjoy!

“And how are you today my chaotic little angel,” Crowley asked as he pulled up a chair across from you.

“I will never understand why you insist upon calling me a chaotic angel,” you rolled your eyes as you took a sip of tea from your cup.

“Really?” Crowley gave you a critical look over the rim of his glasses, his snake-like eyes peeking out at you, “You have no idea?”

“Absolutely none,” you smirked, as you picked absentmindedly at your muffin, enjoying the game you had started with your friend. It was your favorite to play once every few decades because it usually dissolved into him exasperatedly recounting all of your greatest achievements.

“Remind me, angel,” Crowley asked, “Who was it that slipped past the barriers to run after the unicorn that had slipped away from Noah’s ark? Was it Aziraphale?”

“No,” you smiled mischievously, “That was someone else. Someone with more style.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Crowley recalled, “That person, remind me, did she by any chance have black and white mottled wings?”

“I do believe they did,” you hummed contemplatively, “and maybe a killer sense of style.”

“How about-,” Crowley started to ask but was cut off by the appearance of the waitress and owner of the little diner.

“And how are you today, Mr. Crowley?” the waitress greeted pleasantly as she plucked her order pad from her apron.

“I am absolutely peachy keen, Charlotte,” Crowley greeted sarcastically, “Raising the Anti-Christ is really quite a rewarding job.”

“Well, I don’t know how to respond to that,” Charlotte whistled awkwardly, “so, I’ll just get you your regular order, then?”

“That sounds bloody fantastic,” Crowley said with a sickly-sweet voice.

“I’ll be right back,” Charlotte said, “Would you like a refill, y/n?”

“That would be amazing,” you said and gave her a kind smile, “I also wouldn’t say no to another one of these amazing muffins.”

“Coming right up,” Charlotte chirped before she walked away, but she turned back when she thought to ask something else, “Will Aziraphale be joining you today?”

“The little tree topper will be here shortly,” Crowley confirmed.

“Alright, I’ll bring his order out as well,” Charlotte said.

“You know you come here way too often,” Crowley said after he had stared at you for several minutes, silently judging.

“I do not,” you said indignantly, “I come here a perfectly reasonable number of times a week.”

“Angel, this place is a dump,” Crowley said, “It’s not even got 3 stars.”

“I’ll have you know, Mr. Crowley,” Charlotte cut in when she returned with your orders, “We just got a glowing review from the food critic that works for the paper. She wrote up a wonderful article and it was on the front page of the paper. We’ve been busy ever since, which is a miracle because we were weeks away from calling it quits.”

“A miracle you say?” Crowley quirked an eyebrow at you.

“Oh yeah,” Charlotte nodded, “Someone must have been looking out for us because the bank called us that same day to tell us that there had been a few errors with the handling of our loan and that they actually owed us a few thousand. We put that money right back into the kitchen and updated it.”

“You must have one hell of a guardian angel,” Crowley agreed and after that Charlotte flitted away to help another table.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you asked innocently.

“See it’s this kind of thing that got you kicked out of heaven,” Crowley said, “You grant frivolous miracles that get you in trouble with the angels but they’re not evil, so the demons won’t take you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shrugged, “They didn’t kick me out. We just tend to ignore each other.”

“Right,” Crowley nodded, “and I didn’t fall. I sauntered vaguely downwards.”

“Exactly!” you said brightly, “I’m glad that you get it.”

“Angel,” Crowley drew the pet name out with a certain degree of annoyance. “What?” you asked.

Before Crowley could say anything else, Aziraphale joined the two of you at the table, “Hello, Crowley, Y/n.”

“Hey, Aziraphale, we took the liberty of putting in your usual order,” you greeted your old friend brightly and once he took a long sip of his tea, you asked, “How are you today?”

“I am actually fantastic,” Aziraphale grinned broadly, “Oh, y/n, you’re never going to believe what I had come into the shop today. This man brought in a copy of-,”

Aziraphale continued to chatter on about whatever exceedingly rare book he had just acquired but both you and Crowley still had your previous discussion on your minds.

“You know I feel as though I have interrupted something,” Aziraphale said glancing between the two of you.

“Oh, Crowley and I were just discussing the matter of my exit from heaven,” you explained.

“Again?” Aziraphale asked, “Don’t you two have this discussion every few hundred years?”

“We wouldn’t have to if she wasn’t so exasperating,” Crowley pointed at you, “Running around making debts disappear, saving the dodo from extinction, and what not.”

“Crowley, when are you going to figure out that Y/n marches to the beat of her own drum?” Aziraphale shook his head.

“Well, would you look at the time,” you said glancing at the clock on the wall behind Crowley, “As much as I would love to stick around and continue our game where you recount my greatest achievements, Crowley, I do believe I have somewhere to be.”

“What?” Crowley asked, “You’ve barely touched your second muffin and Aziraphale only just arrived.”

“Duty calls,” you winked and stood from the table and made sure to call to Charlotte, “Wonderful as always!”

“Thanks, dearie,” Charlotte waved as you swept out of the diner.

“What. Just. Happened?” Crowley asked Aziraphale, flabbergasted by the turn your weekly lunch date had taken.

“Y/n, happened,” Aziraphale laughed at the dumbfounded expression on Crowley’s face.

Crowley leaned back in his chair dramatically sighing as he tried to process your exit but then something caught his attention, “What the hell?”

“What?” Aziraphale asked as he twisted in his chair to see what Crowley had spotted and immediately noticed the growing crowd on the corner of the street, “I wonder what’s going on.”

“I don’t know but I have a feeling it has something to do with our chaotic angel,” Crowley said as he pushed himself out of his seat and strutted out of the diner to investigate.

“Well, I guess I don’t get to finish my cup of tea,” Aziraphale sighed as he dropped a few bills on the table and then followed his demon outside.

“Out of the way,” Crowley barked as he pushed through the crowd and when he reached the front he wasn’t in the least bit surprised to find you.

“Oh, hey, Crowley,” you greeted when you spotted your favorite demon and Aziraphale on his heels.

“What’s going on here?” Crowley asked as he glanced around trying to sort out what had occurred to gather this many people.

“I was just performing a minor miracle,” you explained as though it were obvious.

“That is an understatement!” the woman standing beside you exclaimed, “Your friend just saved my boy’s kitten!”

“Did she now?” Crowley drew out each word and gave you a sharp look.

“It was nothing really,” you waved off the praise.

“Amazing is what it was!” a man on the edge of the crowd exclaimed, “You shoulda seen her. Somehow, she managed to scoop up the tiny little thing and dodge all of the cars and returned the kitten safe and sound! It was almost like the cars were enchanted or somethin’!”

“Oh, I bet they were,” Crowley was still staring you down.

“Well, now that the kitten is safe and sound with you, Ma’am,” you clapped your hands together, “I do think I’ll be taking my leave.”

“What?” the woman cried, “You just saved my little boy’s kitten, please let me repay you somehow!”

“There’s no need for that,” you smiled before turning on your heel and walking straight into traffic, eliciting cries of shock from the entire crowd, well almost the entire crowd. Crowley and Aziraphale both sighed and hung their heads completely unsurprised by your dramatic exit.

The crowd then collectively gasped when you made it to the other side of the street completely unharmed since you had managed to time your walk perfectly so that all of the cars passed directly after you walked past them.

“You know it’s really not surprising that the angels prefer to ignore her,” Crowley shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Before Aziraphale could reply the entire crowd started to buzz once again as they received notifications on their mobile phones.

“What’s going on?” Crowley’s eyes narrowed at the sudden chatter.

“Oh my gosh!” one person yelled, “I just got an email from my bank. Someone deposited five thousand pounds into my account!”

“I just got 8500 pounds!” another person screamed, and the trend continued around the throng of people as various people called out amounts of money being deposited into their accounts.

“And yet the demons don’t want her either,” Aziraphale said.

“Nah, she’s too good for our ranks,” Crowley reasoned, “but I have to admit our chaotic angel sure does know how to get into mischief, it’s just not usually of the malicious variety.”

[classicrebel]

I was tagged by @the-haunted-pencil. Thank you so much for this tag, I really enjoyed it! 💙📚

hardcover or paperback / rent or buy / reads in silence or reads with music / standalone or series / annotations or pristine pages / ebook or physical copy / dog ears or bookmarks / mismatched series or complete set / cover matters or you don’t judge / lend books or keep them to yourself / enjoys lit classes or despises them / browses shops or orders online / reads reviews or goes in blind / unreturned books or clean library record / rereads or once was enough / fanfic enthusiast or a stickler for canon / deep reader or easily distracted / must read the book before seeing the movie or order doesn’t matter / has neat bookshelves or messy bookshelves / skips ahead or resists temptation / reads aloud or in your head / guesses plot twists or never sees them coming

I’m tagging: @peachy--keen--jelly-bean, @leeuconoe, @lunatisworld and all who’d like to join 😊

[elliepassmore]

In the Afterlight Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: dystopian, found families, psychic powers, inner group conflict, impossible decisions After where we left off at the end of NF, ITA opens up in a very distinctly apocalyptic setting. The series has always vaguely had that feel in the way most near-future dystopian books do, but the EMP and bombing of LA tipped the scale further into apocalypse territory. I enjoyed how Bracken really explored the vision of a bombed-out LA and the impacts that might have on suburbs like Burbank. Something about the image of burned, shelled cars and brick rubble and abandoned shops just does something for me in terms of settings, aesthetic, and mood. I think, in this case, it works quite well to set the tone of the first bit of the book. The second setting is pretty neat too. It’s another League location in California, but a bit farther north. The place is like a huge compound with secret rooms as well as tunnels connecting it to different locations. It’s the perfect place to hide a bunch of kids while you’re planning an action against, say, the ‘rehabilitation’ camps Psi kids are kept in. Aside from suiting the purposes of the characters, this second setting also visualizes the divide that starts to occur between what’s left of the League in CA, with some (most) of them hanging out in the Garage, which is separated from the main portion of the compound by a long tunnel, and those that are left mostly sticking to the main part of the compound. The Garage is definitely cooler visually, I’ll say that, but the ideology and plans of those who hang out there is a little too optimistic for reality. With this as the last book dedicated to Ruby’s story, it’s mostly about closing out her arc. After LA, she wants so desperately to do the right thing by everyone and is stretching herself so thin it’s no wonder certain stuff ends up happening. She’s much more in-tune with her powers, though she still doesn’t like using them and still wants a cure. I like how things go for her in this one, for the most part. I feel bad for her in this one more so than the others. She’s so down in the dumps and so few people see it, like, I think Liam picks up on it, but it’s only really addressed when they have some down time together, which is neverand then the only other one to really mention her emotional mood is Zu. So, Ruby basically has a boyfriend who’s as busy and her and a 13-year-old to discuss her mental state with….not great options. With all her issues on her powers and the insecurities that come with that, added into the mess with Jude and dealing with Clancy and the issue with the League agents and wrangling everyone, it just gets to be a lot and I feel so bad for her. One thing I am not too pleased about is her and Liam’s arguments and distance. Like…the entire thing is just so dumb and takes up multiple chapters, and then it’s resolved in one and they’re all peachy-keen again, which makes me wonder if the tension between them really needed to last as long as it did (but I’ve decided to blame exhaustion, stress, and Clancy for this one). Speaking of Liam…I’m not really sure what to think of him in this one. He’s definitely gung-ho for helping other kids and making sure that the camps are shut down, but his plans for going about it lack the teeth that they had in TDM (and, ironically, his OG plans are the ones Ruby builds on and he disagrees with, so…). I can’t tell if he’s just reeling from everything that happened in NF or if it’s just a weird character change that makes him inclined to think that a media storm will successfully bring the camp system down or what. His change in plan combined with his dislike of Cole, his distrust for the League, and Ruby’s own insecurities, just leads to him coming out as quick to irritate in this one. I will give him the fact that having your memory stolen and then regifted would be extremely jarring and invasive. I get why he writes the note, and I get why he’d be touchy and angry about that, but the rest of the stuff is just, I’m pretty sure, just his judgement getting clouded. Not to mention, he’s a hell of a lot more reckless, though we are seeing things through Ruby’s POV and he could always have been exceedingly careful, so there’s that. Outside of those interrelated changes, he is largely still the super sweet, super supportive, protective Liam we saw in TDM and NF. Even when he is fighting with Ruby, or even later with Cole, he still wants to understand and combine ideas instead of dismissing them out of turn. Chubs is once-again stuck between his two friends and hates it, though he does his best to work with them. I feel like Chubs gets a lot more mature in this one and faces things with a wiser attitude than he did before. I mean, he was always the more cautious one of the bunch but he just got an extra layer of professionalism added to him throughout this book. He seems a lot more at ease with life and with himself, which was good to see. On the other side of the spectrum, we get to see a much more emotional Vida than we have before. Sure, in NF we saw her angry plenty, but here there’s a mix of sadness and grief and desperation and camaraderie and support we didn’t get in the previous book. Her walls break down a lot more and she’s willing to admit that she’d prefer to talk about what happened to Jude rather than just shove it down and away like everyone else seems inclined to do. She also starts a surprisingly tight friendship with Zu, and the two of them are definitely a force. Zu comes in about a third- to halfway through the book. I love Zu, she’s such a great character personality-wise, but she also has a way of cutting right to the center of things and helping people. She may be young, only 13 in this one, but she’s go the insight of someone much older. What happened in the novella In Time has clearly impacted her when she first comes into ITA, but she slowly and steadily overcomes it, learning and helping those around her and letting them boost her in return. She grows a lot as a character, and it was awesome to read. Nico is an interesting character, since he was in NF, but it was difficult to really get a feel for who he was as a character in that one. Here, we see he has a lot of regret over what happened in LA, and he’s working to reconcile the Clancy he used to know to the person Clancy is now. Nico’s unflinchingly loyal, but he’s come to realize he put his money on the wrong horse and is struggling to make it up to everyone. Clancy’s still a piece of work and none of his character development comes internally, it’s all external. We do get to meet his mom, though, and combined with what we know of President Gray….well, it just explains a lot. Okay, it’s kind of spoilery, but I absolutely adore the entire thing Ruby has going on once she’s back in Thurmond. She goes back in and she’s struggling so much with the feelings of fear and absolute terror the place instill in her, plus the worry that the plan won’t work because the people on the other side won’t come or won’t come in time, just makes the fact she fights through it all that much better. I wish her reunion with Sam was a little better, though, I did want there to be a bigger thing with them, but whatever, we get that in Beyond the Night. My favorite scene from this collection of chapters is when Ruby’s in the control tower with O’Ryan and just snaps on his ass. It’s great. Of the main three books—TDM, NF, and ITA—this one comes in as my second favorite, with TDM as the first and NF as the last. The settings are, once again, fantastic, and I love a lot of the plot and events that occur in this book. I do think that Ruby and Liam fighting as much as they do only to have an insta-make-up was not great (though I do have my suspicions that they’re issues were exacerbated by Clancy manipulating Ruby. Ever notice how the two times he does it large-scale, she’s also separated emotionally, and generally physically, from (primarily) Liam and the others? My hunch is Clancy saw how well it worked the first time and used his Orange powers to manipulate it into happening again). Overall, ITA is a good ending to the series and I’m pretty satisfied with it all around. Clancy Story in 2018 Edition 5/5 stars The story picks up from when Ruby went to see Clancy at the end of ITA. The collection is basically a run-through of Clancy’s worst moments. There are some of them, like when he and Hayes and Olivia find East River to establish it that aren’t too bad. Then there are others, like the ones where he’s strapped to a table getting experimented on, that are downright awful. Most of them fall somewhere in between. The way it’s set up, I believe it’s a reverse chronological order of Clancy’s memories. The first one is from ITA, when he tells Ruby that she’s the one who tipped off the PSFs about the Sawtooth camp, and the last one is from when he’s pretty little, probably around three or four. I like that, as we progress through the story and the memories, we also get to see how Clancy’s warped mind was built up bit by bit. As a child, he obviously has little malice other than when it comes to protecting himself from others. As time goes on and he’s experimented on, that malice and cruelty grows into what it is in the first memory. Aside from the way we’re seeing each memory erase based on how recent it is, I love how Bracken chose to end each scene with “a heartbeat, and it’s gone.” There’s just something about that line, about the speed and finality of it that I just love. Nico features in most of the memories, so we get to see how Clancy, in his own weird way, does have feelings for the other boy. Clancy doesn’t have full-blown romantic feelings about Nico, or even what I’d necessarily call a crush, but he definitely is attached to him and Nico holds sway. I think this might be my favorite ‘exclusive short’ of the bunch. It’s a combo of the formatting of the piece and the way we get to see inside Clancy’s head and watch his development into the person he is in the TDM series that makes it one of my favorites.

Note: Since Through the Dark is just a bind-up of the novellas, it’s coming out on Saturday and TDL’s review will be coming out next Wednesday

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Doctor Sleep

I’ve been a Stephen King ho my whole life. I first read The Shining when I was in fourth grade, which was likely a parenting fail on my mom’s part but then I got two degrees in English literature and I get paid to write my dumb thoughts about movies on the internet so actually take note parents, that’s what I call a bold Mother of the Year move! My point is - Stephen King stories are in my DNA so I was, as the kids say, hype for this movie. In this long-awaited sequel to The Shining, we catch up with little Danny Torrance (you know of “Redrum” fame, this time played by Ewan McGregor) all grow up, 39 years after his fateful stay at the Overlook hotel. He’s got a pretty good life now - he struggled through alcoholism (thanks, Dad) and got sober, he’s got a job at a hospice helping patients die peacefully with a little help from his special gifts - his Shine. Everything’s going peachy keen until he begins to get psychic communications from a young girl named Abra (a wildly charismatic Kyleigh Curran) who has a Shine of her own. It’s much stronger and more powerful than Danny’s ever was, and it’s caught the attention of some very bad people called the True Knot - and when I say people, I mean child murderers/vampires. Now Danny has to help protect Abra, and that means going back to confront some of his old demons at a very familiar condemned hotel in Colorado.

Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 film version of The Shining is one of the most iconic horror films of all time (in spite of its total disregard for a lot of the most important content and themes of the novel but THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE), and those are some big shoes to fill. Is there any way Doctor Sleep can possibly live up to all of these sky high expectations? Well...

I loved it. I loved it so much more than I thought. I loved it more than the book, and almost as much as I love the novel of The Shining. Mike Flanagan knows how to make a HELL of a movie y’all. I’m gonna get a little spoilery because this one is a hard one to talk about without discussing its debts to Kubrick’s movie and King’s novels. SPOILER WARNING STARTS HERE SO GET READY.

Some thoughts:

Excellent and very potent first scene - I IMMEDIATELY love Rebecca Ferguson in the role of the True Knot’s leader, Rose the Hat. Wife pointed out that her speaking cadence is reminiscent of Pennywise, and it’s deliciously unnerving.

Director Mike Flanagan had a hell of a tightrope to walk between staying faithful to two vastly different source materials. I frankly love the ways in which he was able to stitch a story that made sense and felt emotionally rich (maybe even richer than the novel version of Doctor Sleep??) by bridging the gaps between Kubrick and King’s visions. Hallorann (Carl Lumbly who I haven’t seen since Alias days, but he was FANTASTIC here) is still present in Danny’s life even though he died in Kubrick’s movie/lived in King’s book. The compromise? He’s basically a Force ghost, an apparition that can communicate with Danny because of his Shine. Oh, so the Overlook blows up in King’s novel but is left standing at the end of Kubrick’s film? Well let’s go visit the moldering old broad and wander her halls, confront some ghosts, THEN blow her up. Every choice Flanagan makes works to create something new, thematically resonant, and transformative in the space in between the stories that came before. I can’t get over how much I enjoyed it. 

I love the visual language of the boxes in Danny’s mind to trap the ghosts of the Overlook. 

One of the things the 1980 film does so well is that iconic and haunting score. Obviously this film takes a lot of the same music cues, but one thing that is added this time is a recurrent heartbeat sound when people are Shining or otherwise reaching out with their minds to find someone or something. For a movie where so many things occur in the mind, this is a visceral connection to the bodies of our characters, bodies which are in real danger. It amps up the tension and dread in a fantastic way. 

Honestly, I know Snakebite Andi (Emily Alyn Lind) is supposed to be a bad guy cause she’s with the True Knot and they’re all kinda sorta vampires or whatever, but if you found out you could make people do whatever you wanted and you used that power to rob pedophiles and scar them for life...yeah, I just don’t really have a problem with that.

Related - Snakebite Andi’s whole style and Rose the Hat’s whole style and their opposing hipster poles of hotness is uh. Really working for me. 

Related related - I would let Rebecca Ferguson shotgun the fuck outta me too. I feel you, Snakebite Andi. If that’s what it takes to become a vampire, I will sign up for that gay ass newsletter.

What a delightful surprise to see Jacob Tremblay, the best working child actor today, in such a small, but significant part! Honestly, I’m a little shocked he took this role, but there are no small parts, just small actors :) And his performance is GUTTING in every way, so I’m glad they got an actor of this caliber for a pretty pivotal scene even if he’s not in the film for very long. 

Speaking of small parts, by the end of the movie, I just felt really bad for the naked bathtub ghost lady from Room 217 (Sallye Hooks). She has to be gross and wet and naked for so long in the movie, just standing kind of hunched over being menacing, and I bet she got so cold even covered in rubber movie makeup stuff. Pour one out for commitment to the craft.

I get the tension of the moment, but I’m not sure that anyone would monologue for this long when digging up a child’s body from an unmarked grave but go off I guess. Just one of those things that works in a novel but feels SUPER weird in a film. 

I love how many actors of color there are in meaty roles. This is color-blind casting at its finest. 

The most unrealistic part of this entire movie about psychics and vampires is Danny driving up the mountain pass to the Overlook at night in the snow in a 1996 Toyota Camry. 

References to The Dark Tower that made half of my Stephen-King-nerd-heart so happy: Jacob Tremblay’s baseball number is 19. The bus line Danny takes north is Tet Transit. The True Knot takes Jacob Tremblay to Lamerk ethanol plant. Hallorann tells Danny “Ka is a wheel” - and boy is it in this movie. 

References to the 1980 The Shining that made the other half of my Stephen-King-nerd-heart so happy: Dr. Dalton’s office is EXACTLY the same as the office Jack Torrance interviews in to get the job as the caretaker of the Overlook. The first time Danny helps a hospice patient pass on, that patient is in Room 217. Abra’s house number is 1980 (year of the film). Numerous shots are exact duplicates, including the sweeping helicopter shot over the lake and the car driving up the mountain - these are literally the same shot used in Kubrick’s film, just swapped day-for-night and with snow falling added. Oh yeah and the ENTIRE FUCKING OVERLOOK is recreated in the most tender, incredible, breathtaking detail. This is fucking movie magic, you guys. It is MAGICAL.

Did I Cry? Oh god yes, much more than anticipated. Danny’s speech at AA once he’s 8 years sober? Sobbing. Each of Danny’s encounters with his hospice patients? Drowning. Jacob Tremblay shrieking in terror and pain? Waterworks. Danny’s final showdown with the Overlook itself and the things that walk within, including one all-too-familiar bartender? Weeping. 

Maybe I just had the right level of expectations for this one, but gosh I was really blown away. If you’re a Stephen King fan - or if you like your dealing with family trauma delivered with a bit of ghost story thrown in, I highly encourage you to check out Doctor Sleep.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[its-a-writer-thing]

How to Build an Author Website - Finding the Right Hosting Provider

As discussed last time in “How to Build an Author Website” (and what kind of budget do you need for it?), finding the right hosting provider can be the greatest hurdle in building your own site.

To get you started, we’re breaking down the best tips for finding an ideal hosting provider and vetting them thoroughly to ensure they fit your needs (and aren’t charging more than they’re worth!). Once again, Lena S Andersson, author of Behind Closed Doors: Trusting The Unseen and builder of her own author website, is here to give some first-hand insights on the process.

First things first – why are we discussing hosting providers and not also domain providers? Shouldn’t they be equally as important? Well, almost.

A Note About Domain Names

Many hosting providers include domain names as a part of their package. Depending on the package you choose, this may be more cost-effective than buying them separately.

Buying them separately may give you more naming options. For example, some hosting providers don’t like sites that end with “.co” instead of “.com.” If you have your heart set on a certain URL, but the “.com” version is taken, finding an independent domain provider may allow you to switch up the “.[whatever]” to get the one you want.

If you buy your domain name separately, you’ll have to ‘sync’ this up with your hosting provider. Most hosting providers want you to buy your domain name from them, so the process for ‘syncing’ it up may be a bit complicated. Altogether, though, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.

Pro-Tip from Lena: “Domain names are sometimes cheaper to buy separately. You can get them for $2 or less! However, some hosting providers won’t accept domain names if these domain names are connected to another provider they don’t like. You’ll have to do some research beforehand to make sure there isn’t any rivalry between your domain and hosting providers!”

With all that settled, we’re back to hosting providers. So, to find the right one, let’s dive in.

Research

As a writer, you’re used to a fair amount of research. Be prepared to treat this even more thoroughly than your hunt for facts about burn victims!

It’s better to have a list of hosting providers as long as your arm, rather than miss that ideal company which offered the right price for the best service. This process will also better inform you on what’s the industry norm; should all hosting companies provide an email, a cache, some degree of security, and other features as a given? You’ll be better able to spot when you’re being ripped off.

Compare

And while it may seem counter-intuitive, you shouldn’t immediately go for the biggest name in town. GoDaddy, BlueHost, and other such companies are indeed popular for a reason and are worth considering, but there are also many other small-time hosting services, like 1and1, which can offer similar packages for better rates, all for the privilege of having your business.  Site such as HostingFacts.com provide comparison articles that line up two or more companies and bring their true merits (or faults) to light. If you’re committing for a year or more, it’s worth being a little jaded.

Reviews

Reviews count for a lot - we all know this - but sometimes it’s easy to look past a few one-star ratings when faced with a great deal. Sadly, that’s a choice that doesn’t have very forgiving consequences when it comes to hosting providers. The reviewers you’ll find for hosting companies are probably the most honest of any you’ll see online. After spending a few dollars or several hundred, only to be happy with the purchase or forced to go elsewhere with their projects on hold, if they say it’s good – believe them…. But check out what the bad reviews say - and believe them even more.

Lena had a case such as this. “Do thorough research online for hosting companies with a good reputation. Check what they offer on the technical side, but most importantly, see if they have great customer service! I ended up having to ditch my previous hosting company because they simply would not reply to my messages and help me when I had questions. I ended up losing money and a lot of time launching my site. After finding a new hosting company, however, it’s been so much easier.”

Be Sure of the Basics for a Package

Pro-Tip from Lena: “This can be when it comes to the technical side of things. Be sure you understand what the package you pay for includes. For example, will you get email addresses with the package, SSL function, shop function, etc.? Things like SSL can be very costly if you have to pay for that outside of a package.”

SSL is essentially a security measure that guarantees the data transmitted from the web service to the browser is encrypted – a.k.a. it keeps your site that much safer from hackers. While, sure, it’s unlikely to have any hackers targeting a lone author when there are juicier sites to prey on, it does happen – and having basic SSL at least ensures you’re not unspeakably easy prey.

If you intend on selling your book from your website, then a shop function will be a necessary extra burden on your hosting, which can cost more to add later. Selling your book directly from your site does give you more control over the shipping and handling, and ensures all the profits (outside the printing process) go to you.

Tips for Making the Process Easier

Buy All Inclusive

Pro-Tip from Lena: “When you start out or are a beginner with building websites, go for the simple things. For example, hosting packages that include everything you want to have on your website, so that you have an 'all-in-one' package.”

Save yourself the hassle, expenses, and headache of trying to piece together the elements needed for your site. They’re complicated to find and can cost more later! Instead, go for an all-inclusive package (or as inclusive as you can manage), so that you have a stable area to work up from.

Build Simple, Upgrade later.

Pro-Tip from Lena: “If you are a beginner, don't try and have all kinds of technical stuff on your site; make it look good, be easy to navigate, and save all the advanced, techie stuff for later.”

The most important thing is having a site that fits your budget and which serves as your front-end representation to visitors. As time goes on, your budget increases, or you find you need more features on your site, these can be upgraded at that time. If you decide to learn more about web designing and customize it more yourself, then you can do so gradually. The first step is having a secure foundation that serves its purpose well – long-term or just for now.

Focus on Quality More Than Pricing or Added Services

Pro-Tip from Lena: “Go for a reputable hosting company. This isn’t a buying decision you can easily reverse later, so be as jaded as you please.”

While it’s important to get the best deal, it will be far more difficult to transfer your site to another hosting provider later on, should they not turn out as peachy keen as you initially thought.

All in All

That’s it for this article, so tune in next time for “Learning to Build a Site” in our five-part series. Thanks for reading, and happy writing!

[planets-and-prose]

Eleven Questions

I was tagged by the lovely @cvrmillas​ (thank you so much you always make my entire day <3)! I’ll tag @violetcancerian​ @imaghostwriter​ @blitz-spirit-and-foray​, @kipskiff​ and anyone else who wants to do it! (I’m not sure who of y’all from the discord like being tagged in tag games)

My Questions

1. What’s your favorite genre to read? How about to write?

2. What trope will you defend to the death?

3. Name one thing that gets you invested in a character in minutes

4. Do your OC’s have anything in common with each other? How about with you?

5. Do you play any video games? Have the plots of any of those influenced your writing?

6. Do you have a style? Describe it.

7. What would be the best compliment you could get as a writer?

8. What is one of your favorite reviews that you’ve ever gotten?

9. Do you give thought to your character’s zodiac signs/other astrological alignments?

10. Summarize your WIP (or a WIP of yours/AU of yours) using only the 1,000 most used words (link here!) [Skip this one if you want lol, I just got the idea and it made me laugh]

11. Would you be able to dress like any of your OC’s? Which is closest to your sense of fashion and which is furthest?

Questions Asked Of Me

1. Is there any genre you want to try writing but haven’t yet?

I sort of want to try writing more historical fiction type stuff? But I get interested in super niche areas of history, and I don’t know if the scope of research would really gel with what I enjoy.

2. Besides books, poetry, literature in general, what other media inspires your writing?

Video. Games. I love some really really good video game plots and I absolutely am not above playing one and being like “that. that. I want to write THAT.” 

3. How do you create your oc’s? Are there any who are inspired by people you know or characters that you like?

I give them my traumas I never write OC’s inspired by people I know--that kind of weirds me out because then I have trouble distinguishing between the OC and them, if that makes sense. Mostly, I like to pick a character trope and then do my own spin on it, I guess? Honestly I mostly develop them as I write, once I write their intro, they start doing their own thing and I am cool with it, it helps it feel more organic.

4. If your oc is from a fantasy/scifi world, how do you think they would live in our world? If they are from our world, do you think they could survive in a fantasy/scifi world?

OK, let’s go through ALL of them.

Anura and Dawn would not do good in our world since like. Specialized physiology and all that jazz, and people thinking of them as freaks. We can’t even deal with people of different ethnicities/religions/sexualities etc, I can’t imagine how much people would lose their shit over a plant person and a glowy bean.

Morgan would miss piloting a LOT. They’d probably have a pilot’s license for airplanes but it wouldn’t be the same.

Sellia and Sergei would both do pretty well, but would hate not having their prosthetics.

Henry would be peachy keen (aside from worried about Dawn).

5. Are there certain types of characters you’re drawn to when reading or watching a show or film? Do these character types make their way into your own writing or do you write different types of characters?

The gay ones Seriously though, I really like characters with interesting representation. Asexual characters most of all (since I’m ace and wanna see people like me). And heck yes they make their way into my writing. I really rarely write straight white men.

6. Is there a book that you wish you wrote? What about it makes you wish you wrote it?

My favorite book, I Am The Messenger by Markus Zusak. The style is BEAUTIFUL and the message is so inspiring and profound. It’s one of those books that made me think differently and I loved it.

7. What’s the last book that you read? Has it influenced your current writing in any way?

Lol, the last book I read was The Sound Of The Mountain by Kawabata Yasunari for my Japanese literature class. So no, it hasn’t.

8. Are there any writeblr’s who influence or inspire you to keep writing?

I love @imaghostwriter for all their lovely positivity! Same with @cvrmillas! @quilloftheclouds and their worldbuilding also inspire me! And I love @crypticsx and their consistent posting about their process!

9. Besides writing, what other hobbies do you have?

I play video games, knit, do nail art, read, sketch some. Nothing super exciting lol

10. Do you think you would be friends with your oc’s? Are there any oc’s you dislike but would be friends with, or any that you like but think you wouldn’t be friends with?

I haven’t created a ton of OC’s that are distinctly bad people, so I could probably be friends with most of them. Sellia though has SO MUCH personality, so I don’t know if I could keep up with her lol

11. Your oc’s are in a band: what instrument would they play? Who would be the lead singer?

Oh gosh, oh gosh. I have exactly NO idea. Dawn has the nicest singing voice, so she would probably be the lead singer. She’s also the one who like. Radiates charisma at all times. Morgan would probably be the drummer, like constant support, Anura might assist Dawn with vocals or play like? Keyboard? Sellia and Sergei would do guitar. I honestly don’t know with Henry.

[mandyloves2read]

🖤ARC Review 🖤

Oath Of Redemption by AJ Wolf

Luciano Mafia series book 2

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love Remy and Beverly so much their story is so angsty they have so many obstacles to overcome to be together I love the cast of characters and I can’t wait for the next book in this series! Great story! So excited for more to come!

⠀

‼️🖤 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 🖤‼️

𝐎𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 by @ajwolfauthor is now live on #KU ‼️

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🖤𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐁 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑺: https://bit.ly/OathofRedemption

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❤️𝑨𝑫𝑫 𝑰𝑻 𝑶𝑵 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑺: http://bit.ly/3DGnQL4

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🖤𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑩 𝑩𝑶𝑶𝑲 𝑶𝑵𝑬: https://bit.ly/DeviousVows

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⠀

⠀

❕𝑩𝑳𝑼𝑹𝑩❕

⠀

The Famiglia always does what’s best for the Famiglia.

⠀

Stuck in limbo between a man wanting the love I can't give and another who will do anything to make sure I remain his,

I'm barely staying afloat.

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Their biggest mistake was making me their pawn, and Remy will stop at nothing to get his revenge.

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Only I'm keeping a secret that could ruin it all.

⠀

❤️𝑱𝑶𝑰𝑵 𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻: @Peachykeenas

[lilibetbombshell]

[bookishbethanyerin]

• Review: Problem Child + Mad Boys •

Sometimes, I want to get caught up in a high-profile, gossipy fictional world, and Heather Long's Blue Ivy Prep books offer just that.

The books follow KC, a teenaged pop star, as she takes some time off from her music career to go back to high school – Blue Ivy Prep, an elite Connecticut boarding school.

“Problem Child" delivers a slice-of-life peek into the world of a girl who has been done incredibly wrong by the tabloids and wants nothing more than to feel as normal as possible for a while. But nothing about KC's life is normal – especially not with her messy celebrity parents & the intense, brooding guys she meets there who seem to have it out for her. (Including a grumpy, bespectacled TA I loved immediately bc ofc I did.)

There’s a touch of bully romance & the promise of a why choose situation, but the spice here stays firmly in the YA category, though many aspects feel more like a new adult book. The emotional arcs are twisty + thorny, & there are plot reveals toward the end that legitimately made me gasp out loud & immediately text my bookish group chat.

Moving into "Mad Boys,” we’re given multiple POVs (Problem Child is only KC’s POV), which allows us to get to know Jonas, Lachlan, & Ramsey a bit better. This book also delivers a huge emotional arc for KC that I enjoyed.

That said, I wanted more from this sequel. The pacing is quite slow & it feels a little repetitive. I was also hoping that this book would resolve many of the misconceptions between characters. While there is a bit progress on that front, I still found myself frustrated that we weren't learning more about the extremely complex family dynamics at play.

However, I’m still very intrigued by this series & excited to see how things pan out. I think the character work in “Mad Boys” will lead to some really great stuff in the next book.

Overall, these books aren’t groundbreaking, but they offer up a lot of fictional fun and a drama-filled world to get lost in for a bit.

Problem Child: 4🌟| 1🌶️

Mad Boys: 3.5🌟| 1.5🌶️

🎸A huge thank you to Peachy Keen for the opportunity to read and review an advanced copy!📸

[beauty-from-pain123]

Box Review: The Creatives Container

Box Review: The Creatives Container

Hello, Everyone!

I have quite a treat for you today.  I have discovered a new box that sends you DIY projects each month, and I just love it!  The box comes with everything that you need to complete the project, and it is a great way to get your craft on.  The box is called The Creatives Container and I am sure that you will love it!  Enjoy!

Much love,

Ashley

A New, Fun & Fabulous Design DIY…

[turningpagebooks]

BLOG TOUR | REVIEW & GIVEAWAY: “Do You Feel It Too?” by Nicola Rendell

Title: Do You Feel It Too? Author: Nicola Rendell Genre: Contemporary Romance Publisher: Montlake Romance Publication Date: November 20th, 2018 Source:Thomas Allen & Son Format: Paperback Page count: 332

Plot summary: For urban-legend hunter and television host Gabe Powers, it’s business—investigate the most notorious haunted places in Savannah. Then he meets his new sound engineer, a dewy Georgia peach who may just turn this gig into (im)pure pleasure. All it takes is one night for them to conjure floor-rattling, wall-banging moans…but they’re not from the ghosts.

Blame the rippling abs, the cocky swagger, the granite jawline, the whole muscle-bulging package, but Gabe is bringing out good-girl Lily Jameson’s dirty side. Damn her code-of-conduct contract—this isn’t just a molten-hot fling.

There’s just one kink in the relationship they’ve been avoiding: soon they’ll be going their separate ways. Lily’s home is in Savannah, and Gabe is a globe-trotter at heart. For them to be together, they’ll both have to upend their so-very-different worlds and face their fears in the process. And suddenly things don’t feel so Georgia peachy keen at all.

Add it on Goodreads

Buy it on: Indigo | Amazon CA | Amazon US

I received a finished copy from Thomas Allen & Son in exchange for an honest review.

No, YOU read a lot of romance. Okay, fine, it's me. I READ A LOT OF ROMANCE. But with covers and fun plots like that of Do You Feel It Too?, who can blame me?

I loved the southern charm and sass in this book so much. Sign me up for people that seem outwardly sweet but can flip a switch and be dangerously sexy. Lily is awesome and adorable. I loved seeing her great relationship with her sister and her nephew.

"Facts were facts: Damn right I was a suitor. And I was proud of it. No need to hide it. No need to take cover in a blanket fort and pretend I wasn't feeling the feels." - pg. 197

I found the book to actually be really funny at times, especially when the General, Lily's pet parrot, was around. He provided endless entertainment and I was always happy to see him make an appearance. Also, following along as Lily and Gabe explored supposedly haunted sites was fun.

I liked that the book touched on anxiety and fears. I almost had a panic attack the first time I flew as an adult, so I kind of relate to Lily in that way though my anxiety wasn't as extreme (I was fine when I switched to an aisle seat). I also liked seeing Lily overcome her fears to embrace love. I think that's a powerful message - pun intended.

"He held my stare for a second, blinking back tears before finally saying, 'If I had a gratitude jar, the only thing in it would be your name.'" - pg 282

What I didn't enjoy was Gabe's sometimes really aggressive behaviour. In the beginning of the book he's very "do what I say" etc in AND out of the bedroom and I wanted to give him a good talking to. Luckily, we get to see a different side of him when he gets to know Lily more, and she gets to know him. As they spend more time together, we see a softer side of Gabe. THAT'S the Gabe I prefer.

I also, funnily enough, didn't like how some of the love scenes are handled. I know, I know. Usually that's a big reason WHY people read romance books. But for me, some of the love scenes went a little far, mostly in terms of their dirty talk. I mean fine, if that's their kink then that's their kink. But personally I found some of the stuff they said during sex was a little odd.

"She wasn't perfect; she was a human as flawed as me. And made e love her just that much more." - pg 303

Do You Feel It Too? is a great choice for some indoor entertainment as the weather gets colder. I didn't love it, but it was a fun, quick read.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nicola Rendell, the bestselling author of Shimmy Bang Sparkle, loves writing naughty romantic comedies. After receiving a handful of degrees from a handful of places, she now works as a professor in New England. Nicola’s work has been featured in the Huffington Post and the USA Today blog Happy Ever After. She loves to cook, sew, and play the piano. Her hobbies might make her sound like an old lady, but she’s totally OK with that. For more information and updates, visit www.NicolaRendell.com.

Follow Nicola on social media:

Website | Twitter | Facebook Facebook Readers' Group | Instagram | Goodreads

GIVEAWAY

The winner will receive 1 copy of Do You Feel It Too? by Nicola Rendell.

Giveaway Rules: - Canada Only (excluding Quebec - full rules found in the T&C on Rafflecopter) - Giveaway ends on Thursday Dec. 13th at 11:59 pm EST - Winner will be drawn randomly through Rafflecopter, contacted via email will have 48 hours to claim their prize.

Click here to go to the Rafflecopter giveaway form.

OTHER BLOG TOUR STOPS

If you'd like, you can check out the other stops on the blog tour!

Nov. 26 – Padfoot’s Library Nov. 27 – BookCatPin Nov. 28 – Cupcake and a Latte Nov. 29 – Between the Spine Nov. 30 – My Slanted Bookish Ramblings Dec. 3 – Perpetual Fangirl Dec. 4 – Simply Patty Dec. 5 – Turning Pages (THAT'S ME) Dec. 6 – BritReadsBooks Dec. 7 – RemarkablyLisa

[cardio-maegaly]

I had a performance review. My manager suggested I “open up more.”

The other time a manager told me to open up more was at one of the Starbucks in Wichita. I started there as a barista, and I hated drive through as a barista. I’d keep the window closed as much as possible. I hated small talk so much. But my manager there told me I wasn't doing enough to chat with customers.

The reason drive-through conversations are highly encouraged are because it makes the wait seem like it takes less time (ie less complaints), and also because it's good for customer engagement and brand loyalty. This manager told me I needed to just do more to keep a conversation going longer. So I made an effort, and I got really good at it.

I got good enough at that, and other aspects of the job, that I climbed the ladder. When I got overwhelmed as a store manager, I left Starbucks entirely. That store manager, who had now been one of my peers for months at this point, said one of the reasons she was sad to see me go was because she had seen me grow and that I "came out of my shell.” I was more outgoing than I was before. I took that as very high praise, it meant a lot to me. It took hard work for me to get to that point. I was proud.

So I thought, when I came here, that I was being a bit more outgoing and making friends and sharing about my life story a little bit. Just little bits, that I started to feel more comfortable sharing. But now I don’t know. I guess I’ve backslid. It kind of makes me feel like I must not be doing as well as I thought I was. 

How bad was I doing before I came here? If this is still progress, do I even have an accurate sense of how bad things were when I started? 

I've been trying to be more outgoing by never really saying no to anything. Then again, I've only hung out with Ronnie's friends when they've initiated and invited me. I don't really hang out with my coworkers outside of work, except for signing up for the community walk. I don't want to invite people here because it's not my home. 

I don't really have a lot of energy to go out after work, so I don't make an effort to see if anyone wants to do anything. On my days off, I feel like I'm just trying to recharge for the next time I have to work again. But that was already how I felt before I came here. How much have I just normalized my depression? 

I feel like I don't know how to talk to people. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I always feel like i'm stressed or anxious or upset about something, but if I let anyone know then they'll worry about me and I don't want them to do that. i don't want people to help me because I don't feel like I deserve the inconvenience. 

And if I DO reach the point I have to ask for help, how the hell do I do it? Who is it ok to ask for help from? When is it oversharing? I do want to look at the bright side of things, I try very hard to make an effort to be positive, but I’m honestly having a very hard time. I don't really feel confident about anything right now and I don't know how open to be about it.

"Oh, hello! Yes, I am doing fine, peachy-keen! This is my ‘Eat Pray Love’ moment here in sunny California! By the way, I don’t know who I am or anything I'm doing and I desperately need therapy and medication and I was wondering if I might trouble you for lodging in exchange for chores? I promise to try and make my burden onto you as small as possible by making myself a complete non-presence! I understand in advance if what I am asking for is so terrible an imposition that you must refuse. I have a contingency plan to maintain a facade of independence that I am pretending to be equally excited about! 

Anyways, love you and miss you grandma!"

I’m paraphrasing but that’s essentially what I really did fucking send my grandmother. 

I don’t know.

I want to reconnect with my grandparents and my family. My time with them was always associated with being a consistency and stability in my life that I appreciate having had. .but I don’t really feel like I deserve it anymore.

I had one hard incident where they were old and couldn’t help me out by driving all the way into the city. I was stuck in Pittsburgh, plans had fallen through with my aunt and uncle to stay with them, and I didn’t have a place to stay for a week. It really did suck for me, it was a shit situation I was stuck in because of that. For a few nights, I at least had a place to stay at night at a friend-of-a-friend’s house. But that was very scary and led to a situation where another friend of that friend was there with me and made me very uncomfortable by watching porn and masturbating right next to me. My parents booked a hotel room after a few days of that.

But I don’t know. Instead of talking about how I felt and being honest I just...stopped talking to them. I even "unfriended" my aunt and uncle and sent them some nasty email I’m scared to revisit and then blocked all contact. I feel like my parents never got along with them and they played up how bad it was and egged me on but ultimately it was my choice, I was an adult. It wasn’t like the way I came to end contact between me and my parents, where I made the decision with multiple professional third parties counseling me on it. For the relationship with my grandparents, nobody was honest about how dire things were throughout that whole time and I didn’t give anyone a chance to share their side of things.

I’ve made attempts since that incident to try and reconnect with my mother’s side of the family and it’s been successful so far but now...I’m really committing to it. And it’s scary. What if they don’t really forgive me? What if I FEEL like they don’t forgive me and I sabotage things somehow? What if my aunt and uncle are angry at my grandparents for forgiving me even though they don't themselves? What if i cause my grandparents suffering and a rift in the family just by me coming back? Do I even have a right to call it home? I've been gone so long...