#Radqueer discourse

[radqffirmed]

Apparently this needs to be said:

Pro-contact ≠ anti-consent.

Neu-contact ≠ anti-consent.

Hazard consent ≠ anti-consent.

Com-contact ≠ anti-consent.

Limited contact ≠ anti-consent.

(Anything outside of anti-contact) ≠ anti-consent.

Hell - a lot of these may not reflect what an individual actually does. The whole "contact" thing does not imply anywhere that someone is contacting their object/individual of attraction unless that is added.

Anti-consent = anti-consent.

Saying a pro-contact individual (I'm not even that. I identify my stance as hazard consent) wants to non-consensually engage with minors shows your own ignorance, especially because that ask was directed at me: a minor and an AAM.

Can we not spread hate in queer communities? Is that too much to ask? This isn't even a discourse blog. This is supposed to be a positivity blog. Imagine getting mad that someone is being validated in their identity...Doesn't reflect very well on your character.

[rjtbot]

Btw every queer identity is "problematic" because queerphobia is still a thing. Even the "normal" ones are considered problematic by somebody. Bring the community together instead of fighting over contradictory, problematic, etc. labels. Casting out one "problematic" queer will only cause another group to be targeted next because that's the goal of queerphobia.

[suicidophilia]

If you are anti-recovery, I'm going to instantly assume you are not a safe person.

If what you actually mean is that you are against forced recovery, then say it — you are anti-forced recovery. Words matter.

When you throw around “anti-recovery” in a community, even if you mean it differently, the message it sends is loud and clear: "If you choose to recover, you’re a traitor." It tells people that their support system will vanish the moment they step toward healing, even if they still see themselves as part of the community.

Recovery should never be treated like a betrayal. Healing doesn’t make you “less real.” It doesn’t erase what you've been through. And communities that paint recovery as abandonment are only deepening people's fear of getting better.

You don’t have to pressure people to recover. But you sure as hell shouldn’t shame them for wanting to.

To those who wish to recover yet are scared to be shunned - you are always welcomed, your story and your experience will always be loved, and whatever you choose for yourself will always be uplifted. <3

[philialov3r]

ᴸⁱᵏᵉ ⁱᵗ ᵒʳ ⁿᵒᵗ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᵗʳᵃⁿˢⁱᵈˢ ᵍᵉⁿᵘⁱⁿᵉˡʸ ʰᵉˡᵖ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ᵘⁿᵈᵉʳˢᵗᵃⁿᵈ ʷʰᵒ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵉˡᵖ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉᵐˢᵉˡᵛᵉˢ. ᵀʳʸⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵃʷᵃʸ ᵒʳ ᵇᵘˡˡʸ ᵗʳᵃⁿˢⁱᵈ ᵘˢᵉʳˢ ᶠᵒʳ ⁱᵗ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ʰᵃʳᵐ ᵗʰᵃⁿ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱᵗ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵇⁱᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃˢˢ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵈᵃʸ

[vescourse]

I identify as CisHarmful. There are hundreds of ways and reasons someone will identify with CisHarmful, my reasons are my own. Identifying as CisHarmful has no aspect on my personality or other identities, I'm rude and blunt because that's how I choose to present. My hosts identify as CisHarmful because in the past they were unknowingly abusive and manipulative, and while they got help and grew out of those tendencies it still brings them comfort to put a name to their identity. My hosts friend identifies as CisHarmful because of their species identity. There are thousands of reasons someone will identify with it. Some may genuinely be harmful, some put consent above all else.

Oh yeah, being Pro Conabuse or in a Conabuse relationship doesn't change your Cis/Trans Harmful identity, isn't Conabuse the action of a TransHarmful transitioning? Wouldn't that make them cis? Consent or not, a Harmful who transitions is therefore Cis. That's how this community works.

Isn't this the same community that supports lying about your Cis/Trans id's? How many CisHarmfuls are you putting down when they're TransHarmful attempting to live out their identities?

This community has issues with double standards like that.

[nectar-rain]

I'm gonna make this post because I wanna link it for whenever I need to just. Fucking reblog it, because I saw smtn that I shoulda spoke up on faster, I will admit. Fully on me for not doing so.

Don't fucking harass people??? Nonetheless doxx and blackmail them??? What the fuck.

This does absolutely no god damn good and only has value if you feel the need to hold something against another's head for the sake of whatever power trip you feel you need to go on.

You can disagree with what someone does without aiming to harm them. You can even CALL OUT FUCKED UP BEHAVIOR. WITHOUT FUCKING HARASSING THEM.

Like. I'm vehemently anti harassment, pro education, and I (or, at least, try to) hold myself to these values strongly, and disagree with anyone doing this type of shit point blank.

Now, I'm gonna continue planning other things in my life for now until I have energy for finishing my posts or see something I should talk 'bout on this acct.

[xparalynx]

The thing about Radqueer

I want to share my stance on Radqueer and the topics connected to it.

I believe that any identity that doesn’t cause harm is valid. This differs from the Radqueer stance of “good faith identities.” I don’t think it’s right to hate on Radqueers or transids because I genuinely believe most don’t intend to cause harm, but the reality is that some of the radqueers do with how they comunicate and name certain things and I’d like to explain how.

When it comes to concepts like "transabled," I don’t think feeling a disconnect between how you experience yourself and how you physically are is inherently bad, not at all.

However, the issue lies in labeling these experiences as "trans." People who identify as "transabled" often say they feel like they were supposed to be disabled. This is controversial because it can dismiss or trivialize the struggles disabled people face. I do believe there’s a way to describe and express these feelings without causing harm, but calling it “transabled” is not that way. I also believe that those who call themselves "transabled" experience some kind of struggles and should be supported to feel comfortable in non harmful ways.

Same goes for the concept of "transracial." There is nothing inherent in our identities that ties us to a specific ethnicity. Ethnicity is primarily based on physical characteristics, and when we place too much emphasis on these features, we risk perpetuating harmful stereotypes and racism. While it's important to acknowledge ethnic identities and the concept of race in order to combat racism and address historical inequalities, the idea of "transracial" suggests that ethnicity is a definite and personal identity in the same way that gender identity is. This isn't the case.

It’s absolutely okay to feel a connection to a culture outside of the one you grew up in. It’s also okay to wish you looked different or identify with aspects of a culture that isn't your own. However, these experiences should not be conflated with being "transracial." Being trans is about being a gender different from what you were assigned at birth, whereas ethnicity is tied to ancestral and cultural heritage, which cannot be different in the same way.

Beyond that, calling a feeling of wanting or believing you were meant to be something you are not “trans” is transphobic. Trans people don’t feel like they were “supposed” to be another gender, they ARE that gender. Many transid identities reduce conditions that aren’t social constructs to being solely identity-based, they are not.

I believe it’s fine to feel this kind of disconnection, and even dysphoria, and I don’t think we should police identities. However, it’s crucial to be mindful of how we name, communicate, and express certain identities, especially when they intersect with marginalized experiences.

I do believe that the feelings behind these identities are real. I support these feelings and identities, but I do not support the terms used in radqueer spaces to describe them. They misunderstand and misuse what being transgender is and dismiss the lived experiences of disabled people, racial minorities, and age-based struggles. Language matters, and using "trans-" in these contexts is both harmful and misleading. Being transgender is not about transitioning to something, being meant to be something, or relating to something, it is who you are.

I know that dysphoria can be more than gender dysphoria, I know things like age dysphoria exist and they definately are valid but having dysphoria is not the same as being trans, those are two different things. These feelings are valid, but the words used to describe them should not invalidate or appropriate marginalized identities. There are already alternative terms that avoid harm. For example, "Chronosian" describes the experience some "transage" individuals feel without misusing the term "trans." Finding new, respectful language is possible, and I think it’s an important step forward.

Another topic is being alterhuman or nonhuman. I fully support any alterhuman and nonhuman identities I myself am alterhuman, I know species dysphoria and phantom limbs are real as I do experience them myself. I don't think that alterhumanity itself is LGBTQIA+ but I do believe they belong to pride since I view pride as more than LGBTQIA+ pride but more on that later.

Now about paraphilias. As my username implies and my bio shows I am an anti-abuse paraphilic, I coined the term anti-abuse and it is linked here. Paraphilias are not something a person chooses, and simply having one does not make someone a bad person. However, what truly matters is how a person acts on their paraphilia.

For example, it is a wrong but widely spread stand that all pedophiles are monsters, which isn't true. They did not ask for or choose their attraction, what does matter is how they handle their attraction. It is never okay to engage with children on a sexual level because they don't understand the full meaning and consequences of sexuality plus adults have a certain power over kids which makes that an unhealthy power dynamic, either way: children can't consent. But many people with minor-related paraphilias hate themselves for their attraction, struggling with deep shame, depression, or even suicidal thoughts because on the one side they know that acting on their attraction would cause harm and on the other side society calling them predators and monsters for just having attraction they didn't ask for. I believe that, as a society, we should work on destigmatizing paraphilias themselves while maintaining clear boundaries that acting in ways that cause harm is unacceptable. People cannot control what they are attracted to, but they can control their actions.

Currently, the term "pedophilia" is often used as a catch-all for attraction to minors, but technically, it refers only to prepubescent children. Other terms like Infantophilia (attraction towards babies), Nepiophilia (attraction towards toddlers), hebephilia (attraction to early pubescent minors) and ephebophilia (attraction to mid-to-late adolescents) exist, but there isn't a widely used neutral term to describe all paraphilias related to minors. Because of this, I propose the term "minophilia" (I will maybe make a seperate post about it and if I did I will link it here) as an umbrella term to describe these attractions in a neutral way since the connotations of "MAP" can be seen as wanting to get rid of the paraphilia label or even glorifying attraction towards minors. Rather than doing that Paraphilias should be destigmatised and there should be a lot mor of education, we need to have open, informed discussions about these topics to prevent harm rather than driving people into isolation and self-hatred. Education and support for non-abusive individuals can reduce risks and help ensure that no one is harmed.

Paraphilias should not be included under LGBTQIA+, however they should be recognised as a marginalised group and do belong (under certain conditions) at pride in the same way as kink belongs at pride.

In conclusion, my stance is that we should focus on supporting people with non-harmful identities and attractions, while also making it clear that harmful behaviors, such as abusing or exploiting others, trivializing others struggles or misu´sing certain language in ways that cause harm, are never acceptable. Destigmatizing these topics and creating open, empathetic conversations is essential for promoting education, understanding, and mental well-being. Let’s work together to build a society that addresses these sensitive issues with care and responsibility, while ensuring the safety and dignity of all people. The "Radqueer" movement is not the answer. It is an attempt to talk about real experiences but does so in a way that causes mor harm than good.

I am open to any opinion and I will read all answers. I hope what I wrote is clear and doesn't offend anyone but rather gives a new perspective on how names and actions affect others.

[antiradqueerliquidchris2]

every time i see a radqueer post literal porn in purely non-nsfw radqueer tags as if I've never seen a literal 11 year old in the rqc

[thedigitalwave]

Seeing that bitchy crosstagger saying "hey antis 🥺 dont worry those filtht radqueers will never be accepted into society!!" Is just. Well. Telling, raw and gross.

You know, it's really really fucking strange to me that people genuinely say out loud that a group majorly composed by minorities trying to be themselves will never be accepted into normal society. What is normal society? Your everyone-stays-the-same, divide-all-into-distinct-groups, never-let-mental-illness-be-normal society? Cause that's not normal to me. That's fascist.

I know I'm saying a big word there. I don't mean it in the "all antis are secretly alt-right" way. I mean "all antis are explicitly conservative in some way", though.

How can you propose us the idea that everything needs to stay the same, never progress, that minorities need to stay minorities and privileged people need to stay privileged, that certain people should stay in the shadows, and not be conservative?

By saying transid-identifying people should never transition, you're saying that. By saying paraphiles should never be accepted, you're saying that.

I hope you realize what you're doing now. This isn't protecting anyone. This is maintaining the status quo.

[theproblematicnerd]

?? the original radqueer label was explicitly pro-contact on attractions that cannot be consensually acted on, your community has been pro-rape since the very beginning. you can still get out

For one, I don't actually consider myself radqueer and I am not 'stuck' in the community, my research of it is part of a special interest of mine. I mostly just don't feel connected to using radqueer but part of it is because of these types of assumptions too

You can't outsmart me on this because I've been there and done that when it comes to researching radqueer. Not only can labels grow beyond their original coining, but most radqueers now follow the recoined version or don't even know about the original. The recoin got way more popular, you'll notice this is the flag radqueers almost always use. The coiner is also anti-abuse and has pro-contact dni

Here's the original coining (and the first of several versions of it that clearly weren't up for long), you'll notice it mentions contact nowhere. This is not an explicit contact stance, so even if people did still regularly refer to and follow this definition, it says nothing about their contact stance.

The original coiner made other posts on different accounts talking about their personal pro-contact opinions, but they purposefully did not integrate these into the term itself. The coiner was repeatedly terminated and the link of the archive of the original definition that gets spread around is from one of their later accounts where there are no surrounding posts. That is why most radqueers have no clue about this

[rjtbot]

Coyotecoining drama

This is a compilation of the drama that coyotecoining has been involved in. It is suspected that this user is (rage)bait, if not the blog clearly holds views that are so wrong that you would assume these are jokes.

Tags: @zombidog @lambieslilpasture @loverboyvergil @permasleepymoth

I want to immediately warn about topics/allegations of abuse, fakeclaiming disorders, fakeclaiming RAMCOA/trauma as a whole, harassment, manipulation, and paramisia. Additional disclaimer: this is not a callout post. It's only a compilation of everything that coyotecoining did/said/etc for those who want it - and this goes surprisingly deeper than you might think.

Let's introduce the people/blogs who occur within this drama first. There's obviously coyotecoining, but there appears to be multiple people (bodily different from what they claim) using the account. The two major users are Sherri; who introduces herself in "THE TRUTH" post below, and "Rachel" who uses any pronouns (will be defaulting to they/them for simplicity). Other people/blogs (who take a minor role in this) will be introduced throughout the reporting.

Sorry about some of the image quality ahead. I added archived links to the posts for anyone who needs it!

Starting off with THE TRUTH:

To summarise: Sherri admits to lying, saying that "I guess I need to stop lying now" in the opening lines. Sherri identifies herself as 43, a mother of three (not of Rachel; they are Sherri's niece), and an American. She goes on to explain how the account isn't her's, but Rachel's. Then goes on to fakeclaim Rachel. Sherri claims to have taken over the coyotecoining blog when she saw the "faking" happening, intended to take down the blog (but has yet to do so as of writing this), but felt drawn in to the radqueer community.

This is where the timeline becomes confusing to me. Sherri claims that she made up the "Harmony Syndicate" system, though she goes on to say "Also, did Rachel believe Cowboy Curtis was a real person when she made the intro post? Girl, he's a character from Peewee's Playhouse. Try looking stuff up." Does The Harmony Syndicate come from Rachel or Sherri then? I think this is too big of a detail to overlook.

Back to summarising: Sherri realised that real people are behind accounts on the internet. She doesn't agree with "everything that goes on here", but believes "it's important to respect everyone's journey".

Sherri expresses how she regrets her deception, apologises to the individuals following Rachel's story, and apologises for invading Rachel's privacy. Then Sherri goes on to state how RAMCOA, C/HC-DID, and programming aren't real, and if you're looking for more mental health advice from her? She recommends essential oils. That's basically all of the drama that she addresses in the post.

If you've followed along this drama yourself; you might have noticed more inconsistencies in this supposed truth, or things that Sherri goes back on in later posts. The most prominent thing that she goes back on is the apology in this response to an ask pictured below.

There are a lot of points in this response alone to address, but I'll first point to the things said that speak for how the apology was either disingenuous, or completely gone back on.

"It is important to understand that as a parent, I would never deceive or manipulate anyone in such a way. It was used to express an aunt’s perspective, not to claim any false identity." This is a direct quote from the response that goes back on a lot of the things said in the "truth" - that, and the final paragraph in the response does not line up with the apology at all. If Sherri respected Rachel's boundaries, mental health, privacy, or any other aspect of her life: then the whole taking over her account thing she claimed would have never happened. My belief is that the Sherri persona is another part of this elaborate troll, whoever is running the blog is sincerely bad at lying and keeping their story straight; whether it is "Sherri", or Rachel trolling.

The abuse allegation is not for me to speak on as an outsider, but the concern is there for a reason. I see where anon is coming from. What I dislike is how Sherri talks about Rachel's father leaving them as if losing a parental figure isn't a big thing - whether you remember it or not - living with a single parent is a different dynamic than living with two (or more) parents due to the attention a child is able to receive, the display of love from a young age, and multiple other factors that cannot be ignored. That can very well be traumatising on its own, and different minds perceive incidents differently. I want to assign good faith to Sherri's ignorance by assuming she only thinks it "isn't traumatising enough" because she personally wasn't/wouldn't be traumatised by living with a single parent. It is common for people to bury the memories of trauma, so perhaps it really meant a lot that Rachel's father left them. That fact is not up for other people to decide.

The fakeclaiming of Rachel's past does not stop at these posts, and is seen in another response to an ask pictured below. This one's short this time, so I don't feel the need to summarise it.

Claims of harassment:

Sherri alleged in the first response to an ask that words are being thrown around callously, which I believe was a strategy to devalue the anon's point instead of addressing the criticism of her character. She states that "If you have genuine concerns or advice, I'm open to hear them in a constructive manner." which translates to "your concern is not genuine" and the "I'm open to hear them in a constructive manner" is utterly false considering Sherri picks and chooses which asks, reblogs, and whatnot to respond to. She makes sure to pick the ones that can make her look like a victim rather than addressing the valid, constructive criticism that has been seen in her notes, and that Sherri purposefully avoids in her inbox.

A more outright claim of harassment is pictured below in a response to kittizclouwdz; a user that had to make a new blog due to being terminated for partaking in harassment of proshippers, and blames the termination on the victim that prn and prn's friends have gone after for ages. (correct me if I'm wrong on the details about this anti. Would be especially helpful if I could learn what pronouns to use...)

Additional point: why is radqueer in quotations? Why is that necessary? The community coyotecoinings was in WAS the radqueer community, and the radqueer community are the ones "harassing" (criticising) the blog for paramisic opinions being expressed.

The "harassment" all boils down to rejection sensitive/criticism averse people not being able to differentiate criticism from harassment, and that's totally okay. It makes sense that someone would assume people criticising them are coming from a malicious place, especially considering reading tone through text is tough even for those who don't struggle with reading tone off of devices. It's easy to come to that assumption because it happens so often that people are harassed. Maybe it FEELS (I don't mean to disparage emotions in any of what I say, because feelings are much different than fact, and sometimes people use exaggerated language to get across their feelings) like harassment, but it certainly is not. The worst thing being said is that you cannot say you are radqueer while expressing "dislike" of a large part of the community.

Back to where this all started:

Since we're getting in the topic of paramisia; let's return to where the current drama started. The callout post coyotecoining made about permasleepymoth.

The reason people took issue with this post was because coyotecoining neglected the part where SleepyMoth says fluff is anti-contact. I would like to imagine that the concern in the callout post comes from a place of good faith, of concern for the community, but it is largely misinformed. What coyotecoining is concerned about is sex offenders; not paraphiles. Only a portion of paraphiles go on to engage in their paraphilia. I'm not sure what the exact amount is, but seeing as criteria includes being distressed by paraphilic (intrusive) thoughts says that some people would rather die than offend.

Being prideful in your paraphilia may mean that you're proud you have managed your thoughts, haven't harmed anyone, and/or have found a safe outlet for your attraction. Plus: pride flags have never been strictly for the LGBTQ+. There are flags for places that technically count as "pride" flags, there are kink flags that have been around as long as the "normal" pride flags, and disorder/disability awareness/pride flags belong as much as any of those. A lot (not all) of the individuals represented by a flag share the experience of being oppressed, fighting to get their rights, and much more. Does America not deserve a flag because of the oppressive history it has? No. Flags are much more than just "these people have been oppressed", or whatever other line of reasoning would lead someone to the assumption that you can't have particular flags.

A more simple example would be straight/cis flags. A lot of people argue that they shouldn't exist, but there are straight/cis people who are still apart of the LGBTQ+ community. Whether they're a straight a-spec, straight trans person, queer cis person, or whatever other identity: they still deserve to feel represented. Even the most allo, cis, hetero person should be allowed to use a flag if they so want to. Otherwise you would be turning around to oppress them with the logic of "you oppressed me/my people" - as if that makes doing the same moral.

Suicidophilia addressed the whole callout post much better than I feel like I have, so I feel like adding the reblog suicido made in here as well for those who haven't seen it.

The backlash on that post was likely a contributing factor as to why coyotecoining went on to announce they were leaving the radqueer community.

People immediately reacted by calling out coyotecoining for lying. The radqueer community has always been inclusive of paraphilias/people with paraphilic attraction. The whole "we claim to fight against" has never happened. A largely shared ideal by the radqueer community IS pro-consent; whether someone is anti-contact, neu-contact, pro-contact, or whatever other variation of that. A lot of anti-consent ideals are associated with xenosatanism, so perhaps that's what is being referred to? That's a major stretch to try and make their post make sense.

Coyotecoining went on to make this strange post about the drama, and I'm still not sure entirely what to think of it. It's just more paramisia from what I can tell.

But wait! There's more!

I was checking out the coins on coyotecoins when I stumbled upon an ask talking about how coyotecoins was assumed to be bait - before this whole drama occurred. Here are a few of them:

I can only assume this ask was sent as a response to a shitpost coyotecoinings made about how "the government is RAMCOA, pass it on" that was very clearly a joke. Additionally: I'm not sure the "who is snowchester?" thing stands considering they did reblog some callout post about a blog called snowchester. I want to let that slide as innocent forgetfulness, but it is something to keep in mind.

I didn't scroll far enough to see if there was any context to why this ask was sent.

Link to post. Don't have anything to say about this one.

I'm not too certain on how programming works as an iterplural cissinglet, so I invite systems of any type to give their own commentary on this post. There were a few more duplicates about this same topic/along the same lines. Post one, post two, post three.

The ask that made coyotecoining crashout above was in response to coyotecoining tagging a confession/storytime type of post about coming out as transid with "tw radphobia" because their parents reacted negatively towards them coming out.

What I'm trying to get across is that coyotecoinings has consistently been called bait, and now there is much more reason to if there wasn't enough before. I haven't seen radqueer blogs be baitclaimed this often - which may just be about my algorithm - and I think that says enough. People don't get called bait for no reason.

[suicidophilia]

I've noticed some serious issues within the RQ/TransID community when it comes to the divide between archivists and creators.

As a long-time archivist, I’ve always believed: your personal views should never interfere with archival. You preserve the creator’s words exactly as they are - raw, untouched. You archive everything relevant to the topic without inserting your own bias.

Creators and archivists need each other. We work together to keep history alive. Without trust between us, the entire foundation crumbles.

What enrages me most is seeing archivists block creators - not on personal blogs, but on archive blogs - just because they don't share the same views. I've spoken to people who proudly brag about blocking creators and refusing to archive their terms simply because they weren’t "radical enough," or because they disagreed on personal definitions of "bigotry."

That’s not archiving. That’s gatekeeping.

Trust your archivists. Reach out to them. Ask for your terms to be added. And know this: the archivists who cradle your creations with care - who archive without judgment - are the ones who are truly fighting to keep your history alive.

[silly-string-sys]

We used to be against transID alternatives while we were radqueer because we thought it was the same thing but for non-radqueers but that's not true.

What helped us into leaving the rqc was that a lot of the transIDs were based on stereotypes and were very fetishistic of the IDs they wanted to transition to. We became uncomfortable with trace, transabled etc because of that. transID alternatives are against fetishizing and not based in harmful stereotypes and are also against harmful transition.

Not only that but even if it was just transID for non-radqueers, that would be okay. Not everyone with atypicial dysphoria is radqueer and some alternatives have systems and headmates in mind and not all systems and plurals are radqueer.

-Sebastian

[way2manyusernamez]

genuinely hate it when someone's like "chrono age doesn't matter at all! if you disagree you hate transage people", because, actually, chrono age does matter in some instances. it's not anti-transage to say that people who are chronologically adults shouldn't have sex with people who are chronologically children.

the person who's saying "chrono age doesn't matter, intra-age matters instead!" doesn't actually care about intra-age, they're just trying to make people stop caring about chrono-age. because they're pro contact.

it's the clovergender hoax but unironically. pro-contact people saying, "well it's rude to treat transage people as their chrono-age" as an excuse to throw out the entire concept of huge age gaps involving children being bad.

you can support transage people and be anti contact

[nectar-rain]

(A note as of Mar 12, 2025: I'm prematurely publishing this. I know! It might be dumb! But I would rather have this out and be able to edit it later. Also, I have to postpone my other WIPs as I'm currently going through high amounts of stress, and I would not have the current mental capacity to continue doing research until further notice.

An extra bit; I was originally going to add kink-related educational books, but I would have to go through a lot of material to find the right things, and have been paranoid beyond that. As of right now, this doesn't have much sources and it's highly planned for this to be edited.

This is post two of three on power (exchange) dynamics, conabuse, and nichelink relationships.

Post about the comparisons

Post about spotting an abuser, especially a malicous one. (WIP)

.

Post going into further detail with more sources (Unpublished WIP)

My reasonings for this post.

Alright. Let's talk about safety. The primary reason I was making these posts to begin with.

I apologize in advance if your screen reader repeats words, i would rather make sure there is a more readable version of that word than have it be inaccessible.

Safety [Safety], as a topic in power dynamic relationships, is relatively important as the lack of can have much longer and stronger consequences to one's life, and also promotes severe harm. This is typically what happens in a conabuse relationship as it is meant to be abusive, but a "safer/consensual" way to indulge in that type of relationship.

So, what are ways to engage in relationships with power dynamics healthier, safer, and in a way that consent is enforced?

Communication [Communication] is a must, it is a massive must, to the point I actually beg of anyone who indulges in these relationships. This strongly includes consent, and even some beginning guidelines, which I discuss in more detail when talking about Time [Time].

As said, this includes consent, especially for the starting stages of this type of dynamic, and what the sub in question wants to start with. If there is physical harm, there should be stop-gaps as to how far that harm can go, and the harm should never lead to hospitalization. Having signals for public situations may also be a good idea, especially in the cases of discomfort, and you do have to discuss those if you wish to implement them. Also! The first word of consent is not the only thing that matters; consent is meant to be something one should revoke. I know this is a repeated sentiment, but consent is meant to be a yes and a discussion, and consent is something that can be taken away from. Hence the safe word topic. I would suggest three safe words, although I understand if that may be too much.

Contracts. Especially if you want to take control of some or all choices in someone's life, a contract should be a STRONG MUST.

[Should be a strong must.]

There should be a form of document that both parties can download. The contract exists as a document to refer to for consent, limits, what exchange is being given, and how the sub - or whatever term you both wish to use or be used - can voice a desire to lower what control is given, or that there should be changes to the power dynamic. For example, saying contract, or a phrase related to contract ["The contract is painted from the ink of flowers" would be an example of me using a safe phrase, rather than a word.] If you are told to discard the document, I will immediately tell you to not trust that person, as I feel the document should absolutely be used, especially [especially] if you're in this exchange as a minor; unless there was already a prior discussion of ridding a faux document or the duplicate.

Time. The sudden jump between a power exchange dynamic may be jarring and can lead to more harm than necessary, especially as not a lot of people like immediate change.

Allowing this shift between the exchange can, evidently, take time, however it allows a period of warm-up, and can allow both parties to discuss about what each person would want, what can be a compromise if there is a disagreement, and a starting point that is small, but easier to dive into, rather than the sudden jump.

Research. This would be the most important area go lead into. I will, for the record, link articles, blog posts about power exchange, and books for the sake of accessibility. Any links to books or articles that are physical or digital will have the purchasable link or will have an Anna's Archive link.

Research is a must, because it helps with safety, how you can safely and in an aware mannerism physically harm someone (Biting, slapping, shocking, etc.) If you are able to, as an adult, you can have the option to go to a dungeon or a kink education area, where dynamics or kinks and safety is taught.

Of course, any links that I have below will more than likely be sexual in nature, as power exchanges are typically rooted in sexual kink, but I would rather have introductory, informational sources of safety be available rather than limit what can be accessed.

Again, this post is meant to be edited. The sources or links I may have will change, and I may change links to books down the line, or add links to articles and books. I'm also, rather simply, skimming the books' first chapters, and may look into them deeper down the line.

And a final, generalized note; You may notice that the links I'm using for Anna's Archive are all for PDFs specifically. Make no mistake that this is my intention, as PDFs can be readily accessible for phones and PCs, and I do have a feeling that they may be easier to use a screen reader on, but someone else can confirm that if need be. Also! Downloads and waiting times for them will. Be very slow sometimes. That wait can be infuriating and I understand that.

Edit as of 3/14; Thank you, @/nichelink for linking a PDF-to-audiobook app!

Sources for starting research;

[Note - some articles or blogs will link servers oriented around these topics. Evidently, minors will not be able to join. The information is why I'm linking it.

For an introduction to power exchange, or more specifically, TPE;

"Introduction to Total Power Exchange", published on Elysium Life Style, by "Kaleb".

Notes; Uses a tag "for alphas" if that may bother you. [I got caught off-guard by that, for the record... Hence that warn.]

"I've Got The Power! Understanding TPE", published on The Commandant.

Notes; It does go into more detail about how TPE can and should be used as a beneficial system, and as an outlet. If you want to find a way to mask the benefit of both parties, that can be an option discussed.

"Total Power Exchange, written by Martha Pinkerton", published on JoyNights.

Note; This article is more focused on the sexual aspects of power dynamics, and may be more for those who wish to implement stronger sexual themes.

Books on general skills;

Never Split The Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended On It, written by Chris Voss. There's also a summary for the books per chapter.

Notes; It is written by a (Former?) FBI agent, however it's focused on learning beneficial skills in regards to negotiation. Skimming the summary, specifically, it imposes how navigation can be started, and shows an example of the author's son being kidnapped in an emulated situation

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way, written by Robert Maurer.

Notes; The prelude/introduction feels like it's a "motivational speech!" type of book (annoyingly), but it's meant to aide in taking small steps to develop a habit. Also note that you do not need to change a habit by having 21 consecutive days for that habit to form, it can be weekly if that helps you and if said myth is said in the book. That is for discussion with your partner, however.

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, written by Greg McKeown.

Notes; This book can help with some form of prioritization, specifically, and can be used in PE relationships through expanding into a dynamic of what you ask for your dom to make a choice on. From my quick, short skim it actually makes a point to separate what you may have the energy or ability to do from anything that may exert you too much. Self care.

@anti-rq-gumi + @nichelink for reach. (With permission - request to be tagged.)

[radiomogai]

cant believe people are so mad about you archiving terms made by radqueers. like yes, we're not radqueer and do not have radqueer ideology. we are radqueer critical, not pro at all, we can just tolerate them now. we have a stance that all terms should be and deserve to be archived; archive blogs are like a library, yeah, youre going to find books of genres youre not gonna like. but i cant believe people are giving up their support for you just because youre broadening what you archive here. we actually like the fact that youre broadening it, even if its from a group of people who we dont really agree with. like, you know how many times we see archived terms made by anti-endogenics here? we have their tags blocked, so we have to uncensor them each time. yet we're not complaining.

archives are for all. archives are libraries. archives are not meant to be peoples personal little libraries full of things only they like.

and if they dont like it then they can either block the tags like we do or just go to another archive. (shrug emoji)

-@corporatecoinings

Posted without comment.