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trashlie · 5 months

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ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

#ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #I Love Yoo #Kousuke Hirahara #Shinhye #idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore #and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name #so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol #alas #anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March #literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip #BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it #Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop #i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl #to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace #all the opportunities he lost #the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted #he lost himself in the process #or maybe he never even got to know himself #i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad #that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked #so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of #FUCKING DEVASTATED #I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS

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popomegranate · 1 year

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Shin-ae

Shin-ae Yoo does not pick her Pokémon for any specific reasons or strategies. She has no type preference nor do she care to have strongly trained up pokemon. Her Pokémon are her friends :)

Munchlax: Munchlax is Shin-aes partner pokemon, he is a perfect mirror of the goofy side of her personality. He loves food and naps, something shin-ae relates to heavily.

Litten: Litten is Shin-aes lil buddy. Shin-ae loves cats, thus Litten.

Eevee: Shin-aes eevee is currently unevolved as Shin-ae still isn’t entirely certain of her place in the world and who she wants to be, thus her Eevee reflects that.

Polywhirl: A pokemon Shin-ae has simply because she liked him.

Plusle: A pokemon shin-ae got in grade school…I wonder who has the Minun?

Psyduck: A pokemon Shin-ae only recently added to her team, she guesses he used to belong by someone else because of how well he’s been taken care of. He has frequent headaches. Shin-ae loves him.

Kousuke

Kousuke works for the Hirahara family business (definitely not a front for team Galactic). The Hirahara family originated from the Sinnoh region, therefor the majority of his Pokémon are from Sinnoh. Kousuke participated in a few contests when he was younger, but he left that life behind. He says he doesn’t miss it (he does).

Luxray: one of two of Kousukes first pokemon, Kousuke raised her up from a shinx and as she evolved into a Luxio and then a Luxray, the more protective of Kousuke she became. She is wary of Yui.

Lucario: Lucario is the Pokémon that Kousuke has the strongest bond with. Raised him up since he was a riolu, their strong bond during times when Kousuke felt isolated and alone is what allowed him to evolve into a Lucario. Lucario have a strong sense of right, wrong, and justice. A Lucario will not trust a person who is rotten to their core. Kousuke has been through a lot, and done a lot, but he’s not rotten to his core. Thus his Lucario trusts him. His Lucario is also wary and does not like Yui. But for the sake of his trainer he simply keeps his distance from her.

Kricketot: Kricketot is representative of Kousukes love for music, and also one of his best adversaries in contests.

Glaceon: Glaceon is a Pokémon Kousuke has had since she was an eevee. He wanted her to evolve into a Glaceon because of thought they were the pinnacle of elegance. (Glaceon are also cold and defensive. Their fur becomes prickle and sharp when they become defensive.)

Glameow: Kousukes cat companion, Glameow are known to fickle but can be very loving. Glameow is often there at the end of Kousukes days to offer comfort to receive its cuddles.

Alcremie: A gift from Kousukes mother Yui, Alcremie has been with Kousuke since he graduated high school.

Psyduck: A pokemon Kousuke no longer has. The third Pokémon he ever had, the first one he ever caught himself, Psyduck began getting terrible headaches right after Kousuke graduated from high school. One morning Kousuke woke up to find Psyduck gone.

Nol

Nols Pokémon journey has been..unconventional. He used to travel with his mother. Then he began to participate in gym battles at a young age. He was very good at gaining gym badges. He longer participates in gym battles. Nol used to have 6 Pokémon now he only has 5.

Blaziken: Nols first Pokémon he’s had since he was a torchic, one of two birthday gift Pokémon from his mother. They are very close.

Heracross: A pokemon Nol caught after a couples of incidents, where he felt he needed to protect himself better.

Growlithe: A pokemon Nol caught because he was friendly and loyal, Nol also loves any dog like Pokémon.

Gogoat: A pokemon that used to belong to his mother. He never uses Gogoat in battle.

Cubone: Cubone began following Nol around shortly after Nols mother passed. Nol initially had no interest in catching him until one day the Cubone held onto his leg for comfort. Ever since they’ve been inseparable.

Yujing

Yujing is a part time contest coordinator, part time journalist. Kousuke *was* her greatest contest competition. Now she focuses more on her journalism.

Lopunny: Her partner Pokémon and one of greatest contest adversaries. Always by her side ever since she was a buneary.

Mismagius: Yujings silent journalistic partner, together they always get the info they want.

Gardevoir: Elegant, graceful, and beautiful Gardevoir is a mirror of Yujings grace and personality.

Lapras: A trusted Pokémon of Yujings that she relies on to read and understand others.

Milotic: Considered one of the most beautiful pokemon in the world, and known for its ability to soothe others, Yujing had to have her.

Togekiss: A peaceful pokemon that Yujing often uses in contests.

Houdour: A pokemon that Yujing is taking care of for a certain kid.

Hansuke

Hansuke is a doctor of people and Pokemon! He used to travel with Kousuke to Pokemon contests when they were children, now he mostly sticks to the hospital.

Ambipom: Hansukes pokemon partner, he mirrors his goofy personality. As an Aipom, he and hansuke, along with Riolu and Kousuke would often go on outdoor adventures when they were children.

Chansey: His doctor pokemon assistant. She tries to heal Kousuke all the time for some reason.

Gallade: A pokemon he totally didn’t get to match Yujing but then he became super attached to his Ralts and now he’s a Gallade that’s his fierce companion.

Slowbro: A lazy pokemon Hansuke grew attached to.

Ampharos: A pokemon who Hansuke often utilizes on chaotic days at the hospital (or in clubs when he loses his friends) for her beacon light tail.

Marstomp: A pokemon Kousuke and Hansuke came upon when they were children as a Mudkip. They fought over who would get to catch him until Yui told Kousuke he did not need the Pokemon. And that was that. So Hansuke caught the Mudkip and told Kousuke they could both train it. Kousuke never did.

Dieter

Bears. That’s it. (However if you examine you will see all the bears are from different regions, reflecting that Dieter moves around a lot).

Min-Hyuk

Min-Hyuk grew up around Johto pokemon but now he currently resides in Unova (America).

Charizard: A pokemon Min-Hyuk caught purely because he thought he was a cool badass pokemon.

Scrafty: The Pokemon equivalent of Min-hyuk. Also a fighting type.

Timburr: Fighting type Pokemon.

Krokorok: Another Pokemon Min-Hyuk thought was too cool not to have.

Sawk: Fighting type pokemon AND martial arts pokemon

Throh: Fighting type pokemon AND martial arts pokemon

Alyssa

Alyssa is a performer in a girl group, and has pokemon that often performer with her on stage.

Chimeco: Alyssa’s first pokemon and one that has grown with her overtime. When she was a child her Chimeco was susceptible to screeching outbursts when Alyssa became too overwhelmed. Now she’s far more in control of her emotions. She performs on stage with Alyssa some times.

Whismur: A pokemon the girls in Alyssa’s group wanted her to get, as long as she never evolves her. Alyssa has grown very fond of her Whismur.

Espeon: One of Alyssa’s first pokemon, Alyssa raised her from an Eevee. She had been hoping her Eevee would evolve into a Slyveon. Because of this, her group deemed her Espeon unable to perform with them.

Bellassom: A pokemon gifted to her by Yui and Gun Kim. They told her a Bellassom would be the perfect pokemon to perform with.

Minun: A pokemon Alyssa got in grade school.. she doesn’t let this pokemon perform with her. She tries not to think about the fact that her Minun is separated from its Plusel.

Elgyem: A pokemon Alyssa caught after she left grade school, a pokemon she loves and values dearly. Her group mates do not understand why she owns this pokemon. Alyssa never shows him publicly. But she loves him.

Yui

Yui is the Lady of the Hirahara Corporation.

Vespiquen: A pokemon that is a reflection of Yuis status.

Froslass: They say a Froslass is the spirit of a lost lady. Yui just liked the thought of having a ghost pokemon.

Nidoqueen: One of her first pokemon gifted to her by her father.

Seviper: Yuis preferred pokemon type, poison. Her Seviper does not make many public appearances with her.

Roserade: Yuis first pokemon ever, whom she raised from a budew. Roserade specializes in making poisons. Yui has always been fascinated by this.

Polteageist: Yui just loves tea.

Rand

A lot is unknown about Rand, we know he traveled the Galar region. And we know he is now CEO of Hirahara corp. He also used to participate in the Pokémon league. He no longer does.

Persian: The Pokémon of a rich business man.

Stoutland: A pokemon that belonged to Nessa.

Nidoking: A pokemon gifted to Rand by his wife Yui.

Orbeetle: A galarian pokemon he’s has since he was young, a reflection of his business prowess and this pokemon is vastly intelligent.

Indeedee: Male and Female indeedee have an intense bond, and the male act as valets to their female partner. Rand has the male Indeedee. Nessa had the female. Nessas Indeedee was never recovered. Rand never calls upon his Indeedee anymore, for he is lost without his other half.

Mr.Rime: A pokemon that is a reflection of a side of Rand no one except one known person has ever witnessed. Mr.Rime is rarely seen, but when Kousuke was younger he would often be found attempting to entertain him and make him laugh. Yui put an end to that. Rand hides him away now.

#i love yoo #full delulu #shin-ae #Nol #kousuke hirahara #alyssa cho #yui hirahara #Dieter #Rand #min-hyuk #hansuke #Yujing

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tmdthumbler · 1 year

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Speaking of giants in Webtoon's I Love Yoo, here's some appreciation for the original hot giant man with wrinkles, Randulph Skuli Hirahara.

#g/t fluff #sfw g/t #gt community #g/t community #g/t #g/t angst #g/t idea #giant/tiny #g/t concept #g/t related #g/t scenario #g/t shitpost #gentle giant #giant tiny #male giant #sfw giant/tiny #i love yoo #webtoon #Rand Skuli-Hirahara

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oblako · 1 year

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caught up on the ily fp and god this episode filled me with so much dread......

#first of all nol...... :(((( god it hurts seeing him like this #looking so so scared the way his expression is almost... childlike?#ik people with no reading comprehension are gonna be frustrated with him bc he's walking in circles #and yes he is but there is a reason for it! he's scared! terrified that something bad is gonna happen to her to everyone!!#because that's what he has internalized it's what his entire life has been like #and it's actually really important to make readers understand that and also for dieter to see it #that he's not just being mean or edgy that there's a reason for his behavior that his fear is very real #that he is just a kid he's powerless and this is the only way he knows how to protect those he cares about #on a more positive note it's actually really refreshing to see this messy honest raw side of him #because he is usually so composed so in control or simply insincere #speaking of raw emotions. kousuke oh GOD. standing by the door looking haunted AS HELL.#with him in this paranoid unstable state and nol's walls are all the way up... something Bad is going to happen i can sense it #this is not the time for the brothers to make up. IF they ever make up at all #and more importantly if those theories that kou just unintentionally gave yui nol's location turn out to be true...#the hospital was supposed to be a safe place rand and yujing tried so hard to make sure the hiraharas won't find nol #but if yui shows up now OH PLEASE NO #preparing myself for the worst :(#x

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spikytyphoon · 5 years

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Shin-Ae: “The chairman’s chocolate balls--”

Yeong-Gi:

#I Love Yoo #Shin Ae Yoo #Yeong Gi #Rand Hirahara #[op]

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ilyhumorfest · 5 years

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#i love yoo #rand hirahara #yeong gi #nol #quimchee #ilyhumorfest #everythings on queue

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willyoubemypartner · 9 months

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Are 🫵 you in desperate need of I Love Yoo content through this holiday hiatus?

youtube

Come join @trashlie and I for Episode 08 of I Love Yoo Tea with Trashellie, where we cry tears over our glimpses of Ressa and analyze Fast Pass episode 249 ;A;

[Warning: Fast Pass 249 spoilers throughout this whole podcast episode]

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ohplagg · 11 months

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I Love Yoo Timeline Part 4/4

The Timeline

This is part 4 of 4 of my I Love Yoo Timeline as of Episode 241.

Part 1 and 2 consists of laying out all the detailed evidence with descriptions, screenshots and episode number.

Part 3 consists of explaining the evidence, connecting the dates and some math because the I Love Yoo universe (the Yooniverse, if you will) uses letters instead of numbers to represent official years.

Part 4 is the I Love Yoo Timeline.

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If you havent read the previous 3 parts of this mega post I highly encourage you to go check them out before continuing since up ahead I will be writing and explaining under the assumption that you have read the previous 3 parts.

All the events are placed where they are according to the evidence. I will not be providing much explanation in this post as to why things are placed where they are in the timeline so if you need explanation go back to the previous parts.

I also won't be adding most of Shin-Ae focused events otherwise the timeline becomes unnecessarily messy.

And lastly, I won't be mentioning every single event that has happened in current year of the story (20XX), only major events. If you want a more detailed timeline for present year this old reddit post that goes up to episode 146 has more details.

While I was finishing writing this timeline AugmentedElle from reddit published her own version of the timeline (Elle, if you see this, big fan. I don't have reddit but big fan) which has some parts I disagree with based on my interpretation of the evidence but her timeline is so well written and easy to follow + it's more detailed than mine that I honestly do recommend checking it out as well because Elle did a way better job than me in that regard.

Without further ado..

Cheat sheet

Because the Yooniverse uses the alphabet instead of numbers to keep track of years, it's hard to really grasp how much time has really passed. This is why I created this little chart where it lays down the year with the number equivalent and the age each character had in each specific year.

Dieter, Soushi, Maya and Rika were born the same year as Shin-Ae.

Sang-Chul and Alyssa were born the same year.

Meg was born the same year as Kousuke.

Yui's age is not exact. We only know she is in her 40s meaning she can be either 40 or 49. Meaning she was pregnant with Kousuke between 16-25. I chose 20 for no other reason than it's right in the middle.

I have no idea of anyone else's age (Rand, Hansuke, YuJing, etc) so I didn't even add my guesses to not confuse the timeline. If you know any clue about someone's age I would love to know!

The Timeline

I'll start with the earliest date and move forward from there.

Italic means that it's not known when exactly in the year that specific event took place. I still placed the event where it makes most sense.

January 20WA === 50 years ago

Young-Chul Kim become Chairman of Hirahara Corp.

Prestigious Prep School starts mishandling reports of SA

+ 25 Year

October 31st, 20WY === 25 years ago

Young-Chul Kim steps down as Chairman after SA accusations

Hirahara Corp CFO of several years, Randulph Hannesson is a witness against Young-Chul Kim

Next year

January 20WZ === 24 years ago

Yui and Rand get married without the public's knowledge

Yui and Rand have their honeymoon in February

Kousuke is conceived in February

Rand gets announced as temporary chairman of Hirahara Corp on March 27th

As of March 27th, the press and public only know that Yui and Rand relationship goes as far as "seeing each other in public"

Kousuke is born November 8th

+ 5 Years

January 20XE ==== 19 years ago

Nol is conceived around March

Kousuke has his 5th birthday

Nol is born December 21st

+ 6 Years

January 20XJ ==== 13 Years ago

Nol and Nessa move to USAsia

Nol and Kousuke meet for the first time

Kousuke has his 11th birthday

Nol has his 6th birthday

+ 4 Years

January 20XO ==== 9 years ago

Kousuke Graduates High School (Nessa is at the park the same day)

Yui and Rand's public marriage reconciliation

Kousuke starts college

Kousuke gets a college friend group

Kousuke has his 15th birthday

Nol has his 10th birthday

Next Year

January 20XP ==== 8 years ago

Kousuke has his 16th birthday

Nol has his 11th birthday

Nessa is found dead December 21st

The brother incident happens

Nol is taken to the Mental Facility

+ 2 Years

January 20XR ==== 6 years ago

Nol gets out of the Mental Facility

Nol get's officially introduced as Rand's bastard son

Kousuke has his 18th birthday

Nol has his 13th birthday

Next Year

January 20XS ==== 5 years ago

Nana moves to US Asia*

Nol moves in with Nana*

Shin-Aer starts going to Min-Hyuk's middle school

Shin-Ae has her 12th birthday

Alyssa has her 13th birthday

Shin-Ae and Alyssa meet

Kousuke has his 19th birthday

Alyssa pushes Shin-Ae

Shin-Ae gets out of the hospital

Nol has his 14th birthday

*This could have happened in late 20XR. It all depends on how exact "5 years" ago was.

Next Year

January 20XT ==== 4 years ago

Shin-Ae has her 13th birthday

Alyssa has her 14th birthday

Min-Hyuk graduates middle school and starts high schools

Meg has her 20th birthday

Kousuke has his 20th birthday

Nol has his 15th birthday

For the past 2 years Nol has had no friends (ever since he got out of the mental facility) and Kousuke has been acting like his "guardian" (during which Kousuke has been constantly badmouthing Nol to everyone)

Next Year

January 20XU ==== 3 years ago

Shinae graduates Middle School

Shinae, Dieter and Soushi have their 14th birthday

Alyssa has her 15th birthday

Nol and Dieter meet while running during "summer before year 1 of high school"

Dieter, Shinae, Soushi and Nol (and the rest) start high school

Nol starts trying to befriend Soushi*

During a very rainy period Nol tries to meet his mom after 5 years of not seeing her*

Kousuke talks to Soushi*

Nol becomes friends with Dieter and Soushi*

Nol hangs out with Dieter and shortly after Soushi joins the group.*

Kousuke takes a break from babysitting Nol*

Nol, Dieter and Soushi meet Alyssa*

Nol and Alyssa start dating*

Alyssa starts the path of becoming a Kpop idol*

Kousuke and his college friends have the fallout**

Meg meets Kousuke*

Meg has her 21st birthday

Kousuke has his 21st birthday

Nol has his 16th birthday

(*All these events need to happen in that order, the placement on the timeline in relation with the other events depend on when Nessa's birthday was or when exactly Nol tried to "see" his mom)

(**I've decided to assume Hansuke doesn't really remember the exact facts of how, what and when Kousuke lost his college friends since he was in a different college, he would only occationally tag along and he was very busy with his doctor exams at the time)

Note: Whatever happened with Kousuke's friends, the fallout could perfectly have dragged throughout a couple of weeks/months. It doesn't necesarily need to have happened in a one day event.

Pretty eventful year

Next Year

January 20XV ==== 2 years ago

Kousuke graduates from his master's degree at 21 years old*

Dieter and Soushi have their 15th birthday

Alyssa has her 16th birthday

Kousuke has his 22nd birthday

Nol has his 17th birthday

(*I've decided to take Meg's flashback gossip about Kousuke with a grain of salt. This could have happened at the end of year 20XU instead of the beginning of this year.)

Next Year

January 20XW ==== Last year

In March a SA investigation in prestigious prep school (the one where Kim Sang-Chul is the Student Council President) gets launch

Min-Hyuk graduates high school

Kousuke has his 23rd birthday

Nol has his 18th birthday

Next Year

January 20XX ==== this year

Min-Hyuk goes to USA for college

Dieter, Soushi, Shin-Ae have their 17th birthday

Alyssa has her 18th birthday

In July the SA investigation in the prestigious preschool ends with nothing found and nothing done.

Dieter confesses to Shin-Ae

Saturday September 17th is the party where Shin-Ae meets the brothers

Thursday November 8th: Kousuke has his 24th birthday

Between Friday 9th and Saturday November 10th Shin-Ae's dad goes into a coma

Wednesday November 14th is the Gala. (That same night Shin-Ae was supposed to get evicted)

December 1st Min-Hyuk returns

Monday December 16th Nol has his trial (and he's sentenced for 120 days starting December 22nd)

Tuesday December 17th: Shin-Ae and Nol meet in the rain, Nol blocks everyone.

Saturday December 21st: Hirahara's Chirstmas party, Min-Hyuk's welcome home party, Nol turns 19 year's old

Sunday December 22nd: Nol is at the hospital (his sentence is pushed to start December 25th)

Personal Thoughts

This timeline broke my brain more times than I can remember. Whenever I thought I was close to being done with it I would remember something new or come across new information that would force me to rethink almost everything.

When I first started writing this timeline it was only going to be 2 parts, the evidence with the explanation and the timeline layout, but it kept getting bigger and bigger. It was supposed to be released the first week of October. We are in November. I've been writing this for 2 months.

I almost wrote this timeline in a manner that I would drag you all along through the same path of insanity that I went through but I decided against it not because I felt compassion for you all but because I plan to come back to these posts in the future for when I want to refresh my memory and I didn't want future me to go through that confusion again. I've suffered enough.

Shout out to my friend who lend me her DMs whenever I was going crazy and let me rant myself into sanity every time.

Conclusion

The timeline is not perfect, specially the events that happen between 20XS (5 years ago) and 20XV (2 years ago), but I'm satisfied with how it turned out considering the information we have so far.

Please don't take this timeline as the one that rules them all. If you have a suggestion on the order of events or theories on what could have happened I would more than love to read about them, so please do share your thoughts!

--------

This is part 4 of 4. In case you missed it, go read the previous parts:

Part 1: The Evidence Part 1

Part 2: The Evidence Part 2

Part 3: Math and connecting the dots

#i love yoo #i love yoo webtoon #quimchee #shin ae yoo #kousuke hirahara #nolan lochlainn #nol hirahara #yui hirahara #yeong gi hirahara #webtoon #rand hirahara #ilyoo #nol lochlainn #i love yoo timeline

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kakashi-fangirl-ita-blog · 1 year

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I don't know about you, but in the latest chapter (221) I found Kousuke very... Vulnerable?

He was sleeping (in pain, his face looked like he was in discomfort) while his parents were fighting right in front of (or more like above) him. And not fighting in a normal way, Yui is insane for what she said to Rand. Is as if they were at war, ready to stab each other in the back. All of this in front of their son who was in pain.

The last scene of Yui leaning on Kousuke, violating him while asleep, made him even more vulnerable, weak and defensless. He was a child again, alone, with his parents arguing in his presence and taking advantage of him.

Idk it makes me sad. Maybe because I kind of relate to him in this case.

I can't wait to see more of him, Yui and Rand.

#kousuke hirahara #yui hirahara #Rand hirahara #i love yoo #i love yoo webtoon #webtoon #quimchee

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yeonggisbitch · 3 years

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nol’s mom wears a choker and is muscular besides from being loving and caring mom i will cry i think im in love guys

#that’s it…#FORGET ABOUT RAND #MARRY ME INSTEAD #webtoon #i love yoo #i love yoo webtoon #nol hirahara #yeong gi hirahara

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youuuimeanmee · 3 years

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So I tried to make Nol's timeline

So this is kind of a brainrot I guess. After reading ep 155 and 156, I want to make a timeline since we've accumulated plenty of Nol's past so far. Episode 155 definitely clears things up a bit, but it raises another question, so I just wanna dump things up here.

(I used 2021 as the starting point just to make it easier for me; it's not the actual year in ILY)

Nol met Kousuke when he's 5 years old. He introduced himself as Nol, which means he's already in daycare, and he's already in Korea for some time. Kousuke said 6 years ago, Nol was officially introduced to the family. Two years before that, Nol was taken to the mental facility. Nol is currently 18, so it means he entered the mental facility when he's 10, and entered the Hirahara family at 12.

(tbh Nol looks like 15 in both pict, but Nol was already big when he's 5 yo so there's that I guess)

Quimchee said Nol got his glasses around his pre-teens, around 9-11 years old. Did he get the glasses before or after the incident? Did the glasses play a part in that incident? And when Nol gifted Kousuke a cheesecake, he doesn't seem like 10, more like 12? Does it mean the incident didn't affect his feeling for Kousuke? It means whatever that incident is, it didn't give Nol a hard feeling towards Kousuke, but he's still trying to get his approval/forgiven. Also interesting that Nol stopped wearing an open hoodie after the incident. I wonder why? And sorry for straying off again but his outfit in ep 65 is such a mom thing to do (oversized jacket and pants to keep growing)? But after that, his outfit is more fit to the body. Those details highlight that his mom wasn't around anymore, I'm in tears.

Ignore that guys. Anyway, Kousuke mentioned that his high school graduation day was terrible (ep 78). He was 14 at the time, which means Nol was 9. Rand and Yui had a huge fight because of Nol. I assume Nol's mother was involved in that fight as well since Kousuke mentioned "that woman" after he saw the picture. In episode 150, the newspaper said "A year after Rand and Yui's marriage reconciliation;" Kousuke and Nol had a "fight," and Nol's appearance does look like he's in pre-teens.

So it means Rand and Yui just get back together when Kousuke graduated from HS/entered college (though they still fight), and a year later, Nol was sent to the mental facility because of the incident (funny how the newspaper said Nol's whereabouts were unknown, highly probable that Nol's admission was off-record). It's also funny how Kousuke mentioned in the latest episode that many people were hurt (and big possibility that Nol's mom's disappearance was related to this), but the newspaper didn't mention anything like that. The media really was twisting the truth, similar to how Shinae was not mentioned in Nol's case. (It explains Nol's distrust over the media in ep 112.)

Nol entered the Hirahara family when he's 12. Sometime later, he moved with his nana. I assume it happened a year after because Nana and Yui confirmed that their last meeting was 5 years ago (ep 129), which means the last time Yui saw Nana is when she first came to Korea to take care of Nol. What threw me off is Kousuke's statement from ep 16: It's been some time since Nol got out of something 4-5 years ago, and that makes Nana worried. If Kousuke's info was right, it means Nol was already with her at that time. So again, when Nol got out of something 4-5 years ago, from where did he get out of? The Hirahara family? Is that make Nana worried? Unless Kousuke means he got out of the mental facility? The timing doesn't match here.

Or maybe the hospital?

The hospital seems plausible. Maybe we do have another incident we don't know of, that made Nol admitted to the hospital, made Rand super worried, and forced Kousuke to be more attentive to Nol. It matches with Nol's resentment towards Kousuke; how he never cared about him until a certain incident happened.

Kousuke used to have a tight group of friends in college and had a blast with them. Kousuke was probably around 14-18 when he's in college, which means Nol was abandoned in his worst years (10-13). Even when Kousuke decided to cut-off his friends due to his work, he still ignored Nol, as it was implied in episode 143; how Kousuke keeps his friends at bay and Nol even further away;

at least until that incident happened. I'm guessing Kousuke was already 19-20 in this pict.

In episode 156, Kousuke's appearance matches with the picture above. It means Kousuke was 20 and Soushi was 14 when they first met. This means Nol is indeed 15 years old, and he met Soushi around the same time he met Dieter. Maybe Kousuke was getting tired of taking care of Nol, so he assigned Soushi to do it in his stead?

TLDR; we got 5-year-old Nol entered Korea and into the daycare, got his nickname "Nol," and met Kousuke for the first time. He learned that Kousuke is his brother so he tried to be acknowledged, but fails. When Nol was 8 years old, Rand and Yui were divorced, but they got together when he's 9, but it's not without a fight from Nol's mom. An incident occurred between Nol, his mom, and Kousuke when he's 10. Whatever that incident is, it makes Nol's mom disappear and Nol was taken to the mental facility. Nol entered the Hirahara family when he's 12. When he's 13, he moved with his nana. Nol sort of gave up on Kousuke around this time. Around 13-14, Nol was admitted to the hospital(?) that forced Kousuke to take care of Nol. Nol met Dieter and Soushi around the same time, in summer when he's 15. Nol disappeared for a few days and he's back, claiming that he wanted to celebrate his mom's birthday by meeting her, but no luck. Kousuke keeps babysitting him until Soushi came into the picture.

Here's the part I don't get.

Why Kousuke isn't sure about Nol's mom's whereabouts? Were Nol and Kousuke's fight and Nol's mom's disappearance really related? If Kousuke is not lying, does it mean she's still alive somewhere?

When Nol disappeared, where is he going? Why did he do that? Why did he decide that the best moment to meet his mom is 5 years later? What could be the trigger of his action? Don't tell me he's been doing that every year?

How bad was Nol that he has to keep being babysitted? Was the reason he got hospitalized because he's been trying something "funny"? Ep 148 showed that teen!Nol was depressed, so maybe the incident, when he's 13-14, happened because he's suicidal? Is that why after Nol got out of the hospital (ep 11), Kousuke was hanging around and not immediately leaving, because he wanted to make sure Nol was okay with his friends?

What do you think?

#i love yoo #ily #i love yoo's timeline #ily ch 155 #ily ch 156 #ily theory #nol lochlainn #yeong gi #webtoon #line webtoon

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trashlie · 1 year

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Rand the Damned

Something that has become really apparent to me about ILY, especially the more I have these deep dives into the characterizations, is that ultimately, ILY explores characters who are trying to survive. Nearly every character in ILY is clearly someone trying to survive their circumstances, and while some are very obvious (Shinae, Nol, Kousuke) others you need to examine differently in order to see they, too, are trying to survive (Alyssa, Rand, Yui). Something I feel that ILY does especially well is the interpersonal relationships based on both context and circumstances, and why certain characters are able to better get along with each other and others continue to butt heads. For instance, Nol and Kousuke have always struggled because Nol was never able to see what Kousuke's real battle is - that his quest for Rand's acceptance has been but a small part of his psyche. Without understanding how Kousuke has been manipulated, gaslit, and literally drugged, how could Nol ever begin to understand why Kousuke treats him that way?

Abuse and trauma alters peoples' brains. It's not something that you just... one day wake up from and move on. We will spend our whole lives trying to unlearn our unhealthy behaviors, our coping mechanisms and that's for those of us who haven't experienced such brain-altering abuse and trauma. A very common theme of ILY remains repeating cycles - that people who never get to heal, or don't heal in a healthy way, will continue to perpetuate their cycles of abuse, of their trauma, of their unhealthy learned behaviors. Someone who grows up feeling like they are not allowed to express emotions, feeling like they must tiptoe around others' emotions is going to struggle to open up about their feelings, to feel like their emotions are valid, that they're allowed to feel and talk about what they feel, and thus, their relationships with others are impacted. What happens when they are close to someone who feels like they are being deliberately locked out and left in the dark? How do you resolve issues when you feel like you have to pack away your feelings and pretend you're fine, everything is okay?

This is something that permeates ILY at all corners, because it's fundamental to every interpersonal relationship - that we unwittingly pass on the hurt that has hurt us, that our experiences alter our perception, alter our behavior, alter the way we handle things. When I talk about Everyone x Therapy, this is what I mean. Nearly everyone in ILY carries some kind of hurt, some more deeply than others. This includes even the characters we as readers perceive as hurtful: Sangchul, Rand, Yui. Perhaps even Gun Kim, but frankly that is something I cannot bring myself to get into and I think we lack enough information to examine (but even in his case we can look at his father and glean how Gun would turn out the way he did).

Perhaps this will eventually become a series, where I sit and examine some of these characters more closely, as I have with Kousuke and Alyssa. But at this time I'm focusing on Rand, because I find him to be an incredibly polarizing character depending on the take you have. How dare you sympathize with someone who has been such a terrible father tends to be the main gut reaction, but as with all parents of ILY, there is no such thing as a good, perfect parent. At the end of the day, parents are people also trying to navigate their lives with the extra responsibility of someone else they're meant to take care of, to look after, to raise, with few resources and no guidebooks. The one thing ILY has taught me is to re-examine my own life, my relationship with my parents and the ways they hurt vs helped me, and their circumstances. Ultimately, we will always be victims of our circumstances, the results of our experiences.

So! Let's talk about Rand!

Firstmost and foremost, I want it to be clear that I'm not writing this in an effort to make people care about Rand or make him into someone's favorite character, but instead just to help people better understand him and his motivations. Too often I think we fall into the trap of believing that we can only like good characters and that liking those who hurt others or cause harm makes us bad people. But ILY is a fictional story. No one is being hurt. What I think ILY provides us, though, is a deeper understanding of real people and the ways that all people are complex, no matter how shallow they seem. This isn't about making Rand into a favorite character, but instead it's about examining Rand's circumstances.

When we examine characters through a lens of survival, it helps us to better understand their motivations and choices, as well as what is at risk and what they stand to lose which heavily factors into their motivations and why they make the choices they do. There's a lot we still don't know about the nature of Rand and Yui's relationship: were they ever lovers; did she ever fool him into thinking she was something else; was it always a business arrangement? This leads us to further questions, like did he meet Nessa before or after he married Yui? Because so much of ILY is about these cycles and parallels, we can look at Rand and assume that maybe, much like Nol has tried to do, Rand denied himself something he wanted in favor of something else, something he thought he needed more. As a businessman, it's easy to see how perhaps he and Yui were an arranged marriage, something not for love but instead for mutual benefit (and this feels even more plausible given how likely it is that Yui herself was not allowed to inherit the company but instead needed someone who would be adopted into the family via marriage and treated like a true Hirahara and needed him in order to have any role in the family business that she coveted). If Rand knew Nessa before, perhaps he told himself that what he felt about Nessa was a thing that would pass, something he could live without. Perhaps he convinced himself that the ends would justify the means, that his life would be better if he made this choice and denied himself something else he wanted. Love? Love can come and go. You can move on from anyone, anything.

But it's clear to us that Rand never moved on from Nessa. Long after he lost her, he carried her with him in that Bible. He may have told Shinae that it didn't hold luck for him anymore, that it hasn't for a long time, but that doesn't mean it stopped mattering to him. In a time when Nol needed it most, Rand gave up something that had brought him comfort in solace, in hopes that it can provide something of comfort for him, too.

What has been something of a safety raft for Rand to cling to as he treads the waters of survival has now been passed to his son, and I think this is as good a time to examine Rand through this lens of survival, and to better understand why he has made the choices he has and further, that I fear no choice Rand could have made would have been the right choice; it never existed, he was always damned if you do, damned if you don't.

A special interest of quimchee's appears to be female-enacted domestic violence. This has come up a couple times before, and is a theme she's talked about before on streams about wanting to explore, but I think we are seeing that quietly explored in ILY as well, though it's not the forefront of the story. Yui as a character very much is one who leads a reign of reign of terror, who so confidently believes that she is the hero of the story and everyone who stands against her opposes her, and thus are an obstacle to be taken out. Now, I still intend to write at great length about how I view Yui and what are her motivations and drivers, but the watered down summary is: I believe Yui was once the victim of abuse in addition to having always felt like she is lesser simply for being born a woman and bears a grudge against men and deeply resents them for what they are so easily afforded that she is not, that she was never given the opportunity or the space to heal and internalized this to believe that people deserve what happens to them, that those who are incapable of fighting back are deserving of what happens to them. This is integral in understanding Yui and how, yes, Rand's hands have always been tied by her.

I think when I say this, people think this immediately excuses Rand from the hurt he's caused, but it is so very important that we examine the ways that Rand's hands are tied, so that we can understand how nothing could really have been different, to understand why (in his eyes) he is doing the best he was able to. Again, an underlying theme is that people very much are often the victims of their circumstances. Yui herself even touches on this, noting that she is aware she is afforded opportunities, privilege, that most aren't. She herself also takes advantage of circumstances, in order to better orchestrate what she wants. For instance, consider the way Kousuke was left isolated - she took advantage of her husband's unhealthy work/life balance and further drove a wedge between him and his son so that Kousuke would forever feel like he is working towards an (unobtainable) goal, so that Rand would always be greatly out of reach, so that they could never become equals, be peers, so that Kousuke would always feel that feeling of inferiority and then she learned to utilize that inferiority as a weapon against Nol as well as to further isolate Kousuke, leave him dependent upon her.

Yui knows what she's doing, and Rand's circumstances are very much the base of this analysis.

What was the nature of their relationship? Was it simply a business arrangement Rand thought stood to benefit him? Or, a possibility I explore a lot more lately, was it possible that Yui tricked him in some way, took advantage of a more sympathetic nature perhaps Rand once possessed? I don't think we necessarily need to know yet what the circumstances are, because what matters is where that left Rand.

The mukoyoshi theory becomes ever more important the more we learn about these characters, and as we view their situations through the lens of this theory, we start to better understand the dynamics it's created. Supposing this theory holds true - and I believe it must, since we have canonical proof now Rand has taken the Hirahara name as his own - it sets the following precedent: through marriage to Yui, Rand has been adopted into the family as though he himself is a true Hirahara born of their blood, and as it appears that men are afforded more rights/opportunities, in some way Rand holds more rights in Yui's family than Yui herself does. She could not inherit the family company herself and instead had to marry someone else in order to carry on the lineage, had to give birth to a son to carry it on from them. I'm not going to get too deeply into this, because I think this is for another post, but again, this precedence is important because we need to understand why Yui would resent Rand for reasons beyond his affair, why from the very moment he married her he was likely trapped in her web, and why his circumstances were always against him.

Truly the greatest "mistake" Rand likely made was marrying Yui, but we're well beyond that now.

Yui very much is a controlling, abusive partner and it's clear to us now how she's been manipulating and abusing far longer than Rand's infidelity existed. We can see in Kousuke's early memories that the agitation between Rand and Yui in their clashing parenting styles had already become a thing that was wearing him down, that she gloated from her throne where she maintained the upper hand. Yui possesses incredible finesse when it comes to how she orchestrates things, how she nudges the truth, how she hardly has to do any heavy lifting for things to fall right into place. There's a whole essay that could be written on Rand's role in both the company and as a father and the crux of it always comes back to: he was damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. As part of the mukoyoshi concept, Rand has a duty to the company he has inherited, to the family he has been adopted by, to oversee things to ensure things run as well as they can. But as a husband and father, he has an obligation to his family. We see it often in businessmen, in people of the corporate world whose entire livelihoods depend on their career that they must make a choice. At this time it appears as though Yui's father regards Rand favorably, but would he have if Rand had chosen to downsize his responsibilities? Had Rand chosen to be around more as Kousuke was being raised? Especially if it's as we think with the Hirahara family, where childrearing is seen as a woman's role, that this is what Yui should be focusing on and that Rand, the mukoyoshi, had a role to fulfill separate of that?

When Yui told Kousuke that they are different from others, she was not wrong. We cannot view Rand through the same lens we would a man of lesser stature than him. We have to view him through his circumstances.

And his circumstances lead us here: to a man whose wife has probably been playing mind games with him from the get go who is trying his best both as an obligation to the family and his company and also to himself. We get enough glimpses into Kousuke's past to know that it's not that Rand had no interest in his son's life. In fact, Rand on many occasions is seen trying to instill something in Kousuke, trying to help him be aware of both his opportunities and privilege as well as the limitlessness of all that he could grow to be. I can only speculate, but with what we know, I have no doubts there was a lot of clever orchestration on Yui's part as to Rand's availability. They're both chairpersons of the company, and yet one of them was far more tied up - the one of them who is seen as more valuable to the family and company.

I want it made clear: what exists between Rand and Yui (and Kousuke) predates the affair and Nol. Yui was never a scorned lover who took things out on her lover's mistress and son. Had Rand never had an affair, he would still have been in this predicament with Yui and Kousuke, would have always struggled to reach his son as Yui continued to drive that wedge, to orchestrate their differences, to run interference. It was always Yui's intention that Rand be someone so completely out of reach of Kousuke that he would always be stuck vying for his attention, always trying to reach and surpass him, always so hungry or that approval that never came through. It just happened to be that Rand’s affair yielded another child, a potential heir (because it’s through Rand’s blood that the company goes), that she married this commoner man and afforded him everything she’d coveted and he embarrassed her, threw it all in her face, and made her look bad, created a threat to Kousuke’s position. But she already resented him, I think. She already had every intention of using Kousuke to take back what she believes is hers.

At some point, Rand must have grown exhausted, and maybe he gave up. Was that right, was that fair, when he had a child? When giving up hurt that child? When it comes to Rand, I think a lot about the safety demonstrations on airplanes, when they tell you not to try to help others (like your children) until you have helped yourself, until you've got your flotation device, your oxygen mask. If Rand himself is drowning, with Yui running laps around him running him ragged, how can he possibly help Kousuke? How can he possibly keep walking out into a hurricane, getting buffeted and thrown backwards by the wind, using all your energy just trying to catch up, much less ever getting where you need to be?

And that's the thing. When I say Rand's hands are tied, I don't mean it to absolve him - I say it to explain him. That Rand was always losing, that Yui has always had the upper hand. Rand has spent all of his time simply trying to catch up, much less ever getting to make an attack, much less ever getting to be a father.

I think a lot about the fact that at one time, Rand and Yui were separated, but they clearly never divorced. Why? What did he stand to lose if they did? I don't even mean just in his livelihood - though he certainly stood to lose a lot, and what happens to a mukoyoshi if they divorce, what assets would he lose? But more importantly: Rand stood to lose Kousuke. Even married to Yui he cannot protect Kousuke, but to be outside her reach? How much worse could it have been? Kousuke is already so incredibly isolated but we also know that Rand has tried to be Kousuke's father, that he has tried to reach out to him in ways that never reached Kousuke because of the interference Yui ran, because of the mindset that she had instilled in him as a young child that became such an inherent belief to him, because his love was commodified so that nothing he did or said to Kousuke could ever get through to this brain-washed child.

Another aspect of Rand's circumstances that are worth exploring is: he grew up an orphan. He was never adopted, he aged out of the system. Rand never had anyone to rely on, anyone to convey that warmth and love to him as a family might. He aged out and then took his life into his hands and became a self-made man with only his own back to rely on. Think about what that does to a person. Think about the way that might warp their perception of people and kindness and love. Maybe this was why it was so easy for him to choose a marriage for convenience. Maybe this was why he could pass up on the opportunity for real love. Maybe from a young age Rand was disillusioned, thought the world had nothing to offer him - the parallels between him and Nol are honestly staggering. Wouldn't it be so easy to make the choices he did, only to come to regret them later? To get a taste for something you thought impossible, or maybe something you thought you could give up, and be haunted by it?

It's not hard to surmise that Nessa must have been his true love, the one he could not quite give up, the one he couldn't let go of no matter how many years it had been since he made his choices, since he lost her, since everything went so wrong. And I think that as a result, it means that no matter what, his relationship with Nol would always, always be complicated. Nol would always be a reminder of what he had and what he lost - both in love and also in himself.

The parallels are truly staggering, and they extend far beyond the Rand Yui Nessa/Nol Alyssa Shinae cycle repeating itself. The kind of man young Nol described Rand as very much sounds like Yeonggi, like the kind of person Nol presented himself as. Yeonggi wasn't a mask just for Nol's friends - this was who everyone saw him as, including his family. Yeonggi was a means of staying off peoples' radars - never being so bad that he is in trouble, never being so great that he's also in trouble (with Yui and Kousuke). He was pleasant, got along with people, never caused trouble if he could help it. Not once was he roped into the family company - for better or for worse. He joked and laughed a lot, he seemed to always be there for friends. He was so much of what Nessa once saw in Rand.

Was it just that Nessa was the only person who drew that out of Rand? Or was it more of a parallel to Nol, that no matter how hard his life, these were integral core parts of him? Was he, at some point, taken advantage of? Did he trust the wrong person, reach out to someone undeserving? Was his kindness and friendship misconstrued by someone with far more nefarious intentions than he expected?

Something I can't help but think about a lot is the way that Rand always says what he means, but in cryptic ways, in ways Nol - and even often readers - cannot see through, that we have to reread again later. He never explains himself, never says what he means, and what is Nol to do with it, when everything Rand says comes off like a criticism of him no matter what? Much like Rand, Nol is damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. Does he please Rand or does he protect himself? Ultimately, they both have Nol's survival in mind, but one looks far less like it.

Consider Rand's words to Nol at the Kim formal - I don't deny that Rand said truly awful things. Does he fully mean what he says? Probably, in more ways than he can explain. When he tells Nol that he should be at Alyssa's side before someone less pathetic than him catches her attention, it feels both like "Do not leave her alone in a place like this with people like this because she will naively trust the wrong person and end up in a dangerous situation" and also "Behaving like this will drive away people like her". Is this the advice Nol needs? From his perspective, no. From his perspective, Rand finds him pathetic, finds him frivolous, thinks he's childish for being so lonely that he seeks out friendship at any opportunity, thinks he acts out just to spite him.

But from Rand's perspective, perhaps he thinks he is preparing Nol for this life - the family, the company, their social circle - the only way he can. He cannot reach out to Nol. He cannot be a father to him, lest Nol get punished more simply for existing. Rand knows all too well. He knows all too well what Yui is capable of - what she has done - and knows that in order to protect Nol, he had to create a buffer, the distance. In a way, it's like he sacrificed his right to be his father in an effort to keep him safe. For better or worse, Nol belongs to this society, too. He, too, needs to be aware of those around him, know who he can trust. In Rand's perspective, maybe Nol DOES look like he's foolish, going around trying to befriend people who might really be someone looking to take advantage of his kindness, who might be in Yui's pocket, who might be someone who doesn't have Nol's well being in mind. In staying with Alyssa, he's also keeping Nol out of harm's way, because he's not getting involved with anything.

Even though what happened to Shinae at the formal was clearly about Kousuke, Gun, and possibly Rand, it did still ultimately involve Nol. It did still ultimately get him involved and hurt - he wound up arrested and blamed for a crime he didn't commit and later took the blame for in court. Rand isn't entirely wrong: when Nol gets involved, it leads to more trouble, because Yui will take any and every opportunity to make his life worse. Even though this wasn't her ultimate goal (and it could be seen that Nol pleading guilty is not what she expected because Nol needs to be around and near Kousuke in order to be effective against him) it still worked to her advantage that it further plays into Nol's image that the public holds against him, that ensures Yui will be believed over Nol.

Rand isn't wrong: Nol underestimates Yui greatly, because he believes everything is about him and doesn't see how much worse it is, how much more of a monster she is, that this isn't about the illegitimate bastard son being a blight against her marriage, that it was always about so much more. And unfortunately we have seen that Rand is correct about other things, too - about how Nol's emotions get the best of him and while the "shove your feelings down and repress them" route is also not correct and healthy, we can see and at least understand why Rand operates the way he does, why he worries the way he does about Nol.

When I say Rand's hands are tied, I mean this: I mean that Rand has never had the opportunity to be a father to his children because Yui has deliberately run interference between him and one and if he shows any sign of affection, any sign of preferential treatment, any indication that he is trying to protect the other, it would make things worse for him.

He knows this.

Rand probably has an inkling about the night Nol was taken away - the first time he lost Nol. More than anyone else, Rand knows who Yui is, but has always been powerless against her. Without any proof of what she does, what can he do? How do you tell people that she is abusive when she doesn't lay a hand on you? When people make jokes of male domestic abuse survivors? How do you get people to see something that barely exists - because Yui doesn't have to get her hands dirty, because she never has to be direct. How do you make people see it?

When I say Rand's hands are tied, I mean whatever choice he makes would never be perfect, would never be right. What if he did it, left Yui and went to be with Nessa and raise Nol. What would change? Kousuke would be left even more alone. At least until now Kousuke felt that he wasn't good enough to receive Rand's care (even as Rand gave it) but what if he was convinced he was abandoned? And anyway, would Yui have stopped had Rand left her? I doubt it. It was never about the infidelity. If anything, it might have been worse. How dare this man, this commoner, come into her family and embarrass her - THEM - this way, to be given everything no one would give her just because he married her and then throw it away for what? Love? For a healthy relationship? To throw away everything she has coveted and worked so hard for? It would be such a slap to the face, an insult to her.

I don't think there was anything Rand could have done that would be "right". Yui would never let him know peace even if he left. If he fought harder, tried harder, maybe she'd have taken him down sooner. Perhaps not - she needed him to get this far so that Kousuke had someone to work towards, so that Kousuke can surpass him - but that doesn't mean she wouldn't have run him more ragged.

Do I agree with every choice he makes? Of course not. But I acknowledge that in his position, his choices are limited. I also acknowledge that in a man like him who has had to repress his emotions (lest Yui have something more to use against him), who has had to deny that he deeply cares (lest Yui continue to use that against him, to leverage it against him), who has been trying his damndest to survive and to help his sons survive when at every opportunity Yui is there to interfere has limited his choices. I understand where his agitation and fear and anger meet and how sometimes they are the same: how he wishes that Nol was never born because none of this would be so bad because if he'd never fathered another child then he wouldn't stand the possibility of being heir there would be no threat - that Nessa might still be alive, that Nol would never have existed to endure the abuse he did. I understand how he can mean and not mean the terrible things because he knows his role in all of this - that this was never about the infidel but it's still about the infidel, that Nol was always in danger no matter where he was. Reading 149 was the first time I really noticed, on a more immediate level - the way Rand speaks in double meanings, and how his fear and anger come out so often in what he says to Nol, because of how much he fears for him, because of how helpless he’s always been to protect him. “Why do you have to be my son?” Because maybe he both regrets that Nol is his son but more than that - what it means for him to be his son, the danger it put him in – that were he anyone else’s son, Yui wouldn’t have cared about him. He wouldn’t be in a position where he ever had to stand before the judge at all, let alone plead guilty for a crime he didn’t commit. “Why am I even trying, all of the effort will just go to waste”. And is he wrong? No matter the outcome, what good is all this effort? Not only that Nol himself can’t read Rand’s mind, but what if it went differently? Yui doesn’t stop - she has no intention and Rand knows it! If not this, it would be something else! “I should have just sent you away to boarding school from the very start.” Again, I don’t deny that a part of Rand probably means what he says, but I think the secondary meaning is still clear - at least if he’d sent Nol away maybe, just maybe, it could have protected him better. Maybe Rand thought keeping him close would be better, where he could see what was going on, maybe he worried he’d be in more danger if he couldn’t monitor him. Maybe a part of him couldn’t help but send away that one tie he had to Nessa - their child - had wanted to protect him for her.

I think that's the difficult thing about Rand. On some level, he acknowledges that thing are worse because Nol exists - but not in a "I hate my child" way but the guilt of a man who knows his child has suffered for his choices, the guilt of a man who knows that two peoples' (three when we include Kousuke, four when we include his own) lives have been ruined because of choices he made. It's not that Rand doesn't love his children - it's that he loves them so incredibly much and he is powerless to help them, that the effort he makes is never good enough that it makes it worse that it can't get through. That's the great tragedy: Rand was always damned if you do, damned if you don't, and it doesn't absolve him of the hurt he's caused Nol, but I also step back and acknowledge: what could he have done differently, that wouldn't have further endangered Nol? On some level, Rand has done what he thought was right. Only in hindsight can you look back and see how your choices were wrong, but even in hindsight you can only speculate, can only suppose. Would it have been better to send Nol away to boarding school, where he could have been away from everything? But that’s the thing with Yui, isn’t it? Her reach seems to extend as far as she wills it and she always gets her way. If she didn’t want Nol to go to a boarding school, she’d still find a way to stop it. And what if Rand had said screw it, stood up to her? Everything Rand did was ultimately to keep Nol and Kousuke alive, even if it was at the detriment of their relationship. He could have more openly defied Yui, but would she have let him get away with it? And who would protect Nol and Kousuke in his absence, if she did away with him sooner rather than later, if he went from being a fun game to an obstacle to be eliminated?

Rand was always doomed to fail. That is the thing about Yui's trap - she was always set to have that advantage, Rand has always been trying to keep up. There was never a route where he succeeds here, because she always has the upperhand. What could Rand do for either of his sons that wouldn't have backfired? In a way, Rand's game has really been about the long haul. At some point, he must've known he'd never get to be their fathers. He tried! He continued to try. His methods aren't good but he tries to protect Nol, he tries to get through to Kousuke, he tries to give them the comfort he never had the opportunity to, but it's too late, it's all too late, but they are alive and that is what matters.

When Rand shows up after that night of absolute concern and worry, concerned about both of his sons, for the second time he runs the risk of losing Nol. He knows that it's too late, that nothing he can do at this point will help. He knows that at this point it's better to walk away, to leave Nol in the hands of those who can openly love him and openly take care of him, in the hands of those who don't endanger his life for caring. But we know that Rand loves him, no matter how much he has let his fear and anger mix up. We know what it has cost him, what he has lost.

The version of Rand that Nessa spoke of has never shown up. I don't think it's not that he never existed - it's that somewhere along the way he lost himself, the price he paid for perhaps the mistakes he made or the greatness he amassed. Maybe it was both. But he lost himself. He lost his sense of self, his identity. He lost both his sons, in more than one way. Rand, like so many others, is a character whose choices are rooted in his efforts at survival - but unlike others who are struggling to survive themselves, Rand's choices have been rooted so heavily in trying to help his children survive, too. He, more than anyone else, knows how dangerous Yui truly is, knows what she is capable of, knows that this is not only about Nol was never about Nol or the infidel, that it was always about more.

And yes, part of the tragedy is that when it comes to these cycles of abuse, sometimes the abused goes on to abuse, too. Rand closed himself off, repressed his feelings, tried to pretend he doesn't care, tried to hide how much he cared, and it still had ramifications. He did this to protect himself but look how it hurt others. And had done the opposite, it would have further hurt him and them. Something we as an audience come to realize is that Yui is so skilled at her manipulation, her execution of abuse, how she uses everything against everyone. Even her own son tries to hide his interests from her, tries to shut her out of his life because he, too, knows all too well what happens when Yui catches wind of any interest. So Rand closes himself off, he becomes an isolated fortress, an impenetrable island of a man that no one can reach and can reach no one. Maybe it's better, in his mind, that he was a cold, terrible father than one who couldn't protect him.

But the unfortunate truth is: there was so little Rand could ever do to protect them. He failed them, and not for lack of trying, but regardless, it was a failure still. And worse, because he was so blinded to what was happening, because so much of it was happening out of his line of sight, not only did he fail to protect Nol, but he drove him to another unforseen danger, one that he had hoped might be a life raft after all.

In the end, a man struggling cannot do much to save others when eh can barely save himself.

In the end, when Yui ties someone's hands, she does so expertly.

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Randulph Hirahara #Yui Hiraha #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Nessa Lochlainn #there's a lot going on in this post and it's mostly me exploring my new favorite subject: that in some way everyone is trying to survive #that Rand is such a polarizing character but also in his position what could he have done differently and it been better?#that this doesn't absolve him of the hurt he has caused but that also as a readers i can understand his choices #and that it sucks #everything about ILY is a tragedy the more you look at it #even Yui is a tragedy I think #and it's just so devastating that these tragedies continue to hurt over and over and over #I understand why people hate Rand and that's fine but #i also hope people understand that Rand has very much had his hands tied all along #that i don't think there was ever anything he could have done differently to yield a better outcome #and that is so depressing

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